#more of this energy please 2020 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kathlare · 15 days ago

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jealousy, jealousy

Lando Norris x Amelie Dayman

Summary: Amelie joins Lando and a few familiar faces for a dinner that starts off light and full of laughter but slowly unravels into something more complicated.

Wordcount: 2.7 k

Warnings: none

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September 1st, 2020 - Milan, Italy

The table was loud—messy, full of drinks clinking and laughter that spilled out into the warm Milan night through the open terrace doors. George was halfway through a dramatic retelling of a karting accident when Amelie finally let herself relax into the cushion of the restaurant booth. The boys—Lando, Charles, Alex, and George—had been in town for media stuff, and she had flown in a day early for fittings, so Lando had convinced her to come out for dinner.

Well. Convinced was generous. He’d sent one of those stupid photos of his pouty face and a caption that said, “If you don’t come, I’ll cry in front of everyone and blame you.”

Classic Norris emotional terrorism.

So now here she was, tucked between Charles and Lando, sipping on a Negroni that was way too strong and trying not to look like she’d been specifically placed beside him.

They were just friends. Friends. No matter how warm her skin felt when their knees touched. No matter how her heart hiccupped when he casually leaned in to whisper something only she would hear.

—...and then George, the dumbass, decides to celebrate the crash,— Alex was saying, over a round of cackles. —Takes off his helmet like he’s just won Monaco, not flipped into a tire wall.—

George raised his glass in mock salute. —Still my most iconic moment.—

—I literally had secondhand whiplash from watching it,— Amelie laughed, then turned to Lando. —Did you see that video of it edited to Taylor Swift?—

—I sent it to him,— Charles grinned.

—Of course you did,— Lando muttered, but he was smiling too.

The waitress came back then. Slim, blonde, very Italian—and apparently very interested in Lando.

—Would you like another drink?— she asked, eyes laser-focused on him like no one else at the table existed.

Amelie watched as Lando glanced up, polite as ever. —Uh... yeah, I’ll take another Coke, please.—

She leaned closer. Unnecessarily close. —You sure you don’t want something a little… stronger?—

His smile faltered, but only slightly. —No, I’m good. Thanks.—

The waitress turned with a wink and walked away, but not before her hand brushed his shoulder. Lingering.

Amelie blinked.

Charles snorted into his glass.

Alex leaned in, stage-whispering, —Well, someone wants to ride in the McLaren.—

Lando looked mortified. —Oh my God, shut up.—

Amelie didn’t say anything.

She didn’t need to.

Her jaw had tightened, but her expression stayed neutral. Calm. Only Lando could feel the slight shift in energy beside him, the way her fingers stopped playing with her napkin, the tension rolling off her like a quiet storm.

George glanced at her, raising an eyebrow. —You good?—

—Peachy,— Amelie said, smiling too brightly. —Why wouldn’t I be?—

Lando glanced sideways at her. He knew that smile. That wasn’t a real smile. That was a fuck you smile wrapped in lip gloss and fury.

And he knew exactly why.

The waitress returned with the Coke, setting it down in front of Lando like she was offering up a holy grail.

—If you need anything else… anything at all…— she purred.

Amelie didn’t even look at her. Just said, dryly, —Think he’s good, thanks.—

There was a tone there. Everyone at the table heard it.

The waitress didn’t.

Or maybe she did and didn’t care. Either way, she gave Lando another wink before disappearing.

—Damn,— Charles said under his breath. —She’s bold.—

—She’s annoying,— Amelie muttered.

It slipped out sharper than she intended, but she didn’t take it back. She just took another sip of her drink, this time not even pretending to enjoy it.

Alex blinked, clearly amused. —Someone woke up and chose violence tonight.—

George stifled a laugh behind his hand. Charles looked like he was watching the best episode of a reality show.

Lando, on the other hand, was trying very hard to pretend he wasn’t sweating.

—Ames,— he said carefully, nudging her leg under the table. —Are you actually mad?—

—Why would I be mad?— she replied sweetly, eyes still on her glass, voice like honey-covered razor blades. —You’re single. And apparently very popular.—

He blinked. —I’m not popular. She was just being… nice.—

—That wasn’t nice,— she snapped, finally looking at him. —That was desperate. There’s a difference.—

The boys let out a collective "oooh," like middle schoolers watching a classroom roast unfold.

George leaned over to Alex, grinning. —I thought they were just friends.—

—So did I,— Alex whispered back, eyes gleaming with mischief.

Amelie heard them. She didn’t care.

Because the truth was she was pissed. And she didn’t even fully understand why. Maybe it was the way the waitress kept ignoring her like she was invisible. Maybe it was the way Lando laughed, soft and polite, like he didn’t see anything wrong with it.

Or maybe it was the fact that no matter how many times she told herself they were just friends, no matter how many boundaries she pretended to put in place, she still wanted to grab that girl by the apron and tell her to back the fuck off.

And she couldn’t.

Because officially? She had no right.

So instead she turned back to the table, resting her chin on her hand and forcing herself to smile. —Anyway. Anyone want to bet on how long before she “accidentally” spills a drink on him? My guess is dessert.—

—You’re scary,— Charles muttered, looking vaguely impressed.

Lando was quiet. Too quiet.

Amelie didn’t look at him again. She couldn’t.

The food arrived a few minutes later, and the table shifted back into laughter and conversation, but something between her and Lando had frayed. Subtle. Tangled.

By the time dessert actually came, Amelie had barely touched her pasta. She poked at it for a while, forced down a few bites when Lando nudged her thigh under the table, but the appetite that had started fragile had vanished completely. Just like the little peace she’d had before Miss Ciao Bella sauntered in with her flirty smiles and wandering hands.

Lando didn’t talk to the waitress again.

Not really.

But he also didn’t say anything to her. Not after the little flare-up at the table. Not when she said she wasn’t mad, even though it was obvious she was. Not even when he caught her arms crossed during dessert, absently flicking her straw in her untouched drink like it had personally offended her.

He didn’t know what to say. And honestly? Neither did she.

So the dinner passed.

The group eventually wrapped up, paid, and made their way out onto the street. The night was cooler now, the kind of crisp September air that carried laughter and city sounds on the breeze. Lights glittered along the cobblestone alleyway outside the restaurant, the boys still chatting about whatever Charles had started yelling about inside—some bad sim race or something.

They all came in separate cars. George and Alex had both rented theirs from the airport, Charles took his own, and Lando had picked up Amelie at the hotel in his McLaren.

It should��ve been an easy ride home.

But as the valet started calling out names and keys were exchanged, Amelie quietly stepped back from the group.

George’s car was brought around first, and he waved a lazy goodbye before climbing in. Alex followed soon after, ducking into his black rental with a sleepy yawn and a —Text me when you get back, I don’t trust any of you idiots not to crash.—

Charles was still waiting with them when Lando’s car pulled up—the orange McLaren gleaming beneath the streetlights like it was built to be stared at.

Lando took a step forward to meet the valet, but paused when he noticed something. Or, more specifically, someone wasn’t beside him.

He turned back. —You coming?—

Amelie was still standing a few feet away, her arms crossed again, expression unreadable under her mask. Her eyes darted toward Charles, then back to Lando.

—Actually... I’m gonna go with Charles,— she said casually. Too casually. —He offered earlier. It’s on the way, so... yeah.—

Charles looked surprised. A little confused. But he didn’t contradict her.

Lando blinked. —You what?—

—Going with Charles,— she repeated, tugging her oversized blazer tighter around her. —You don’t have to wait.—

He stared at her. Hard.

Something about the way she said it. The coolness in her voice. The wall that had come up between them so fast it made his head spin.

Lando scoffed, shaking his head once, short and bitter. —Whatever.—

He didn’t argue. Didn’t push. Just turned without another word and climbed into the McLaren, slamming the door behind him a little harder than necessary.

The car peeled off into the night, tires humming against the stone street.

And Amelie stood there, heart thudding and throat tight.

Charles glanced sideways at her, hands in his pockets. —You lied. I didn’t offer.—

She exhaled through her nose. —I know.—

He paused. —You want to talk about it?—

—Nope.—

—Alright. But if you change your mind, I’m excellent at fake therapy. And I have snacks in the glovebox.—

She managed a smile, small and brief, before following him to his car.

But when she got back to the hotel—after Charles dropped her off with a kind squeeze to her shoulder and a “don’t let your overthinking win”—she didn’t go straight upstairs.

Instead, she sat in the hotel lobby for twenty minutes, scrolling aimlessly on her phone, biting the edge of her thumbnail and wondering how the hell she’d managed to sabotage herself again.

Because Lando wasn’t hers. Because she’d made it clear. Because she didn’t want to cross that line—right?

But somehow, watching that waitress practically salivate over him had flipped a switch. And she hated how easily jealousy made her unravel.

When she finally walked into her room, Björn hissed at her from the couch, then promptly knocked a glass off the table.

—Yeah, yeah, I know,— she muttered, tossing her shoes aside. —I’m a disaster. Thanks for the reminder.—

Her phone buzzed just as she was brushing her teeth.

Lan: Enjoy the ride with Charles?

She stared at the message for a full minute before typing back.

Ames: Thanks for dinner. Good night.

She didn’t press send.

She deleted it.

Typed something else.

Deleted that too.

In the end, she turned off her phone without replying and crawled into bed, pulling the covers over her head like it might block out the guilt brewing in her chest.

Because she could pretend all she wanted.

But lying to him about that ride?

That was the first time she realized she didn’t just want to be friends.

Not anymore.

And maybe she never did.

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liked by quadgossipqueen, f1fangirldiaries, and others

f1teaofficial: 👀 SPOTTED: Amelie Dayman leaving dinner with Charles Leclerc in Milan last night… just friends or something more? 👁️🍝 The pair looked cozy as they exited the restaurant together — and let’s just say, the internet is spiraling.

View all 79,018 comments

lanlanfan69: i know lando just threw his phone across the room → mclarenfangirlies: @lanlanfan69 he’s 100% rage playing call of duty rn

f1wifelife: charles pls stop collecting brunettes with god complexes → softboilan: @f1wifelife he has a type and it’s terrifying → gridgirlenergy: @f1wifelife this man’s roster could win a BAFTA

daymanhoe: not charles entering the ring for the "friend" olympics too → quadgossipqueen: @daymanhoe it’s giving “who’s really her soulmate” energy → drunkonlando: @daymanhoe LANDO U BETTER WAKE UP BRO

pastaandpetty: they went out for dinner but now i’m the one who’s fed 😭 → lesleyformclaren: @pastaandpetty i’ve eaten nothing but their crumbs for YEARS

screaminginferrarired: charmelie? lecrayman? idk but i’m scared → bbyleclerk: @screaminginferrarired it’s the “maybe they kissed” delulu hours → landozbraincell: @screaminginferrarired this is just like when my sims start flirting out of nowhere

f1fangirldiaries: if i see them holding hands it’s over for me → pitlaneclown: @pitlaneclown catch me setting my phone on fire out of loyalty to lanmelie → heartbrokeninsector3: @pitlaneclown who do i even root for now 😭

formulaflirts: nah if i were lando i’d be SICK rn → landosexuals: @formulaflirts bro’s pacing in a hotel room somewhere whispering “charles? really?” → drsfordayman: @formulaflirts someone check if he unfollowed charles again 😭

wagscentral: i just KNOW lando opened this post and threw his phone

softieforamelie: she’s collecting drivers like infinity stones and i support her → f1girliesunite: @softieforamelie slay queen, break the grid → girlofgrid: @softieforamelie she’s literally the final boss of the paddock

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The room was too quiet.

Too still.

Amelie lay in bed, staring at the hotel ceiling, heart pounding like it had something to say and no one to say it to. She hadn’t slept. Not really. Just drifted in and out of a shallow haze, haunted by the image of his face as she’d walked away. The click of the car door. The way his eyes hardened when she told him she’d go with Charles instead.

She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since.

And the more she replayed it—the sharpness in her voice, the way she couldn’t even look at him—the worse she felt.

She’d fucked up.

No, she was fucking up.

Silently, she kicked off the duvet, toes hitting cold floor as she crept across the hotel room. Björn let out an indignant meow from the couch, but she ignored him, grabbing the hoodie Lando had left in her suitcase weeks ago and slipping it over her tank top.

The hallway was dim and quiet, her bare feet silent against the carpet. Each step toward his room felt heavier than the last, her chest tight with the kind of panic she couldn’t rationalize away.

What if he didn’t open the door? What if he was still mad? What if she’d pushed too far this time—crossed a line they couldn’t un-cross?

But her knuckles rapped against the wood before she could talk herself out of it.

A pause. Then footsteps.

The door creaked open, and there he was—barefoot, hoodie slung over a t-shirt, hair a tousled mess like he’d been pulled straight out of sleep. His eyes were sleepy at first… then sharp as soon as he registered her.

He didn’t say anything.

Just stepped back and opened the door wider.

She slipped in silently.

The door shut behind her.

Lando didn’t move. Didn’t look at her. Just crossed his arms, jaw tight.

—You come to ignore me some more?—

Amelie stayed quiet. She could tell he wasn’t finished.

—Because if that’s the plan, let’s just skip it. Really saves us both time.—

Still, she didn’t speak.

He let out a dry laugh, but it didn’t sound amused. —You couldn’t even look at me tonight. Lied to me in front of everyone. And for what? Because some girl with fake lashes and a tray smiled at me? Seriously, Amelie?—

Her eyes dropped to the floor.

—You know what the worst part is?— he continued, voice rising just enough to sting. —I didn’t even do anything wrong. And you still looked at me like I betrayed you.—

Silence.

Her fingers twitched.

His voice softened—not kindly, but exhausted. —Say something. Come on. Say anything.—

She didn’t.

Instead, she took one step forward. Then another.

Lando’s expression didn’t change, not at first—still cold, still hurt.

Until she surged forward and kissed him.

Hard.

All of her frustration, guilt, jealousy—everything she couldn’t say with words poured out in that kiss.

He staggered back slightly, stunned. But his arms were already around her before he could think, lifting her up like it was instinct. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and he kissed her back just as fiercely, like he’d been waiting for this moment all night—hell, maybe all year.

They stumbled back toward the bed, mouths still locked, only breaking the kiss to breathe as they collapsed onto the mattress in a tangle of limbs and apology.

Lando's chest rose and fell beneath her, his fingers brushing her cheek.

She whispered, voice small: —I’m sorry.—

He looked up at her, breathless but teasing now. —Not gonna forgive you until you admit you were jealous.—

She groaned, rolling off him just enough to glare. —Oh my God, fuck you.—

He grinned, triumphant. —There she is.—

She buried her face in his hoodie, muttering, —You’re such a little shit.—

But she didn’t move away.

And he didn’t let her go.

They lay like that for a while—tangled up, quiet, no longer pretending.

Because it wasn’t just jealousy.

It was care. And fear. And wanting him so badly it scared her.

And maybe tomorrow would be complicated. Maybe the world outside this room would press in again.

But right now?

She was his.

And he was hers.

Even if neither of them had said it out loud yet.

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unforth · 8 months ago

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Alright not to like liveblog my breakdown on main but yesterday was a really bad day after a really bad, like, 4 months, and I've hit a bit of a breaking point and one of the only things in my life that can give is running @mdzsartreblogs , @tgcfartreblogs , @svsssartreblogs , @erhaartreblogs , @tykartreblogs , and @cnovelartreblogs , so that is what has to give. It's been a 99-out-of-100 days thankless job. A small number of people do say thank you and yall I appreciate you so much (HUGE shout-out to the artist I met at Flamecon who gifted me a zine when I said I ran these blogs, @bonesblubs you rock) but I have never done an act of fandom labor simultaneously this labor intensive yet this invisible before and, uh. It sucks. I spend an hour or more a day on this every day, if it's under 2k hours since I started the first of these in September 2020 I'd be shocked. And I do it because I love it but doing it means I don't have time or energy to do other things I love. And I really don't want to just quit, but I can't keep this up.

In a last-ditch effort to try not to just give up, I'm making the following changes:

1. Only watching one tag per fandom for the MXTX fandoms. I am going to check *only* #tgcf, #svsss, and #mdzs. Artwork posted to any other tag, I will not see unless a mutual reblogs it.

2. Reduced tagging (even more). I'm only going to tag characters and maybe overarching au type (eg, "modern au," "fantasy au"). I'll no longer tag creatures. I will continue to tag the same common trigger warnings I already tag.

3. If a work's appearance doesn't make it obvious what it is AND the tags aren't clear, I'm not going to reblog. I can't keep spending 5 minutes or more trying to figure out what I'm even looking at, scared that if I guess wrong the artist will get mad at me for mistagging their work. If I do reblog, I'll tag only the artist name and/or whatever else I can identify for sure.

4. I am no longer going to follow #link click. The fandom is just too big. I've started dreading checking it. If I was more into it and less busy I would make another spin off just for it but neither of those is true. (The art is so good, I hate to do this, but. If you love link click, highly recommend the main tag, lots of great stuff there.)

5. I will no longer tag any non-cnovel content in the art/post. Like, if someone draws, idek, Xie Lian and Marinette from Ladybug, I'm not gonna put any tags for Marinette, just for Xie Lian.

6. Basically if I run into something hard to tag or confusing or unclear, my new policy is I'm not gonna fricken bother.

I think those are everything but idefk, I cried for 3 hours last night and got 4 hours of sleep so I'm mostly fueled by exhaustion and desperation right now and my memory is even more fried than usual.

How artists can help. This is obviously all optional. You do you. But since some people might want to know what would make my life easier, I'm sharing. I'm not claiming I feel entitled to dictate how people fandom or anything like that.

1. Put the tags for the character(s) and ship(s) early in the tag list.

2. If you make art for a fandom that isn't one of the big ones (right now the only big danmei fandoms on tumblr as far as I can tell are the MXTX fandoms and maybe 2ha) I am begging you to use my tracked tag #cnovelartreblogs

3. Do mdzs art? Tag #mdzs. Do tgcf art? Tag #tgcf. Do svsss art? Tag #svsss.

4. Not only artists, but everyone, *please* stop tagging fandoms not discussed and/or depicted in your post. It's gotten to be stupid common for people to blanket the danmei fandom tags with posts only about one fandon (like, svsss-only works also being tagged mdzs and tgcf and 2ha for some damn reason). This isn't about just my sideblogs tbh this is just fandom etiquette that seems to have been forgotten or never learned by many. Tagging unrelated fandoms isn't "reach," it's annoying. People go into the #mdzs tag to see mdzs, not whatever not-mdzs stuff people have decided to tag for ~reach~, and seeing the same post in 8 tags, none of which it's related to, is so damn irritating, and makes scrolling the tags looking for content that IS relevant take that much longer. Knock it off.

Okay. I think that's as much as I'm prepared to meltdown where everyone can see. Thanks in advance everyone for your understanding, and apologies to everyone about to see this 8 times as I reblog it to each sideblog.

At least I'm not tagging it to everywhere. 🤣🤣🤣

#unforth rambles

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peatbogbody · 1 month ago

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COUNTRY BOYYY I LOOOVE YOUUUWAHHH

i heard major accredited universities are offering grant money to researchers to study San's Detwinkification. science side of tumblr explain.

jokes aside i think this is uhhhhh...another case of fans discovering what can happen in your twenties lol. especially if you're motivated. still kinda impressive though. preliminary analysis suggests a lot happened in 2020, though he wasn't fully done cooking until around guerilla era in 2022. haircuts have done a lot for him. (world a vs world z? no. the actual dichotomy is between ATEEZ With Bangs and ATEEZ Without Bangs)

no comment on my feelings about gym bros generally but i will give dear sannie a pass...for now...

what hasn't changed though, is my perception of him as an actual literal ray of sunshine. a cinnamon roll if you will. apologies for the 2015 tumblr-ism but in my defense he started it. as much as he's tried to go down the Sexy road and is verifiably a member of Demon Line, he just can't dodge the pookie allegations.

the boy has allegedly been getting into needle felting lately. HELLO. can i just hang out and make lil guys with him? that's all i want.

no but seriously he does seem like such a sweetie pee and i get the sense the other members really love him, even if they do steal his cake (he likes it though. can't find the clip of him saying he lets yunho get away with things for being attractive but. same.). he likes purple.

record scratch ok here's the thing. san is actually one of the more inscrutable members to me. he's pretty reserved and his offstage persona lacks the theatricality of other members' that sends a clear message on which parts are "real" versus constructed. which makes me think he hasn'tass created a persona so much as chosen to be very selective about what he shares with the public. but at the same time i think he's the member who wears Vulnerability the most openly and honestly. but there's so much more there that i am not seeing. i think i need to let him percolate a little longer. happy to hear others' takes. PLEASE send me your takes!

i don't have enough expertise in dance to comment much on his technique and ability other than to say he is really fun to watch and whatever he's doing works really well for ATEEZ. so long as he's being safe i think he should keep on keepin' on. his energy and athleticism are addicting to watch and complement other members' dance styles well imo. a thesis i'm coming to through writing these things is that ATEEZ is marked by a level of diversity between different members that all cooks together into a really good soup. movement styles are part of that. also pls go watch him doing taekwondo moves it's so hawt...

and then, he's not the Lead Vocalist for nothing! god i love his voice. in terms of tone and color -i actually sorta prefer it to jongho's-. there's a whine to his voice (i promise that's complimentary) where it (COMPLIMENTARY) constantly sounds like he's on the verge of crying, that i just love and matches his sensitive boy side well. but he's also just a total powerhouse in his own right. again i gotta remind myself i wanna do more in-depth vocal analysis but just. he's good ok. he's got the power he's got the tone he's got the vibrato??? san solo power ballad WHEN. just. listen and enjoy. also this, go to the end of the bridge around ~2:55. what the FUCK.

anywayssss idk san gives me warm and fuzzy feelings and he's very cool. yeah. tell me YOUR sanpinions!

next....mingi

#this post took so long to write and finish idfk #ateez #san #choi san #ateez san #this feels so lackluster but i promise i do love san so very much i just don't have quite as many specific opinions on him #as i do for Certain Others #i think i will have more to say when i do vocal analysis #ateez meta #san thesis #rotating ateez in my mind

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mxstellatayte · 6 months ago

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pretty please: chapter three.

pretty please masterlist.

chapter three contents: these hoes being in LOVE love, a lot of plot but it makes sense just wait, 2020 turkish grand prix, very brief sex but it's vanilla bullshit, love confessions, lewis' private jet, ROSCOEEEEEE

chapter three word count: 4.8k

taglist (crossed out means i could not tag you/no blog was found): @pear-1206 @vivi-81 @irishmanwhore @lucycowr @benstormy

@anat33-blog1 @Xoscar03 @tremendousstarlighttragedy @nenamalenaa @champagneproblems17

@marknolee @toby33b @theendofthematerialgworl @soloqualcosa @sassyinchident808

@slutmeoutsworld @itsgrlalmghty

join my taglist here!

she on an ego trip, baggage in the trunk

lewis sent emails.

a month later, you get an email from one of the mercedes pr representatives, the subject line reading "turkish grand prix invitation." you roll your eyes, already knowing exactly who arranged your visit to the grand prix. as expected, should you accept the invitation, you'll be receiving premium treatment from mercedes, equal only to a vip paddock pass. when you send lewis a text about it, he simply responds by asking if you'll be there.

your reply? "if nothing comes up, i'll be there."

when you receive the email in late september with your november assignments, you breathe a sigh of relief when you don't have any traveling on the roster for the whole month. after a brief phone call with lewis and a lot of insistence on your part that, seriously, you'll survive a four hour flight on commercial, you giggle and roll across your bed, squealing like a teenager. the day of your flight can't arrive soon enough.

tuesday, 10 november, 2020.

the timing of your flight to istanbul is, admittedly, less than ideal. you land at almost ten PM local time, so by the time you've made it through customs, your eyelids are heavy and you want nothing more than to hit the pillows of the hotel bed that awaits you. thankfully, it's relatively easy to spot the driver that mercedes has sent for you. you find the well-dressed employee- melek, her name tag reads- who holds a tablet with your last name on it, and greet her with a smile beneath her mask. "i trust you had a good flight?"

"yes, i did. thank you. how have things been here?"

"they've been good. i'm sure you know that when mr. hamilton wins this weekend, he'll secure the championship. please, let me take your bag." you nod, handing her the handle of your suitcase but keeping your backpack slung over your shoulder. "will we be heading to the hotel or another destination, ma'am?"

"i think i need to head to the hotel tonight. i'm exhausted. thank you" melek nods, tacking her tablet under her arm. "lead the way." the car ride to the hotel isn't long by any means, but despite the flight from london to istanbul being just under four hours, you still feel the exhaustion that only exists in the depths of your bones, and it's an exhaustion you only feel after a day of travel. frankly, you don't know how the drivers, mechanics, engineers, lawyers, and team principals regularly do this, sometimes traveling to upwards of twenty races each year.

"i am staying in this hotel, as well, and my phone number is on my business card so that you can call or text me. i am at your service for the week." melek fishes around in the pocket of her blazer, then pulls out a crisp white business card. you accept it gratefully, remarking with a smile that she won't have to be driving you anywhere for the rest of the day-you're completely and entirely drained of any energy from traveling. "in that case," melek says, matching your own smile beneath her mask, "good night."

you nod and bid her the same, smiling when you open the small pack melek had handed you with her business card, indicating that you're bound to stay on the twenty-second floor of the luxurious hotel. the elevator takes painfully long to climb to the floor, but once you stagger through your door, ditch your suitcase somewhere along the way to your bed, and barely manage to untie your shoes, pull off your jeans, and yank on a pair of loose, star-printed sleep shorts, you shimmy under the duvet and fall fast asleep.

one thing that you've considered about visiting the middle east multiple times has been the dress code. sure, there isn't any explicit dress code, per se- it's not like school where you had a specific uniform that you had to obey every day lest you'd get a talking to from one of your teachers or, god forbid, detention. no, it's much different, but it's still a dress code you're going to obey. in fact, in the middle east, it's much more like a social norm than a dress code. since islam is the most commonly practiced religion in turkey, you've opted for some of the more modest items of clothing in your closet, even packing a dress that goes past your knees and reaches your wrists for the race.

today, you're going to explore istanbul. after arranging your flights and lodging, you'd been asked what you would want to do in your two free days before the race weekend. normally, you'd only have one free day, if any, before needing to report for your media duties, but, since you're a guest to this race, the first time you'll set foot in the paddock is friday, for the free practices. another reason melek is your guide for this weekend is because she was born in istanbul and knows the city like the back of her hand.

it seems that you beat melek to her first comment, which is that of modest clothing and keeping your wallet close to you. today, instead of the professional attire she wore last night, she wears a simple long dress in a beautiful dark purple (an abaya, she says,) and the same black hijab she was wearing yesterday, but today she wears a white undercap as opposed to the black one from yesterday.

"do you have any ideas for what you want to do for the next two days?" she says, smearing paprika butter onto her toast. you both have ordered the same meal, although you just followed her lead when her eyes lit up upon seeing that her favorite breakfast was on the menu. çilbir, she said it was called.

you shake your head, swallowing the bite of poached egg and toast, the rich flavors of the garlicky yogurt sauce the egg had sat on remaining in your mouth. "not really. the only idea i had was to follow your lead, honestly. i saw that you were born here and figured it would be best to see what someone who knows the city as well as you do would do with a free day." melek's eyes light up once more, smiling broadly.

"i was kind of hoping you'd say that." her voice is filled with glee, and you know you're in good hands when she pulls out her phone and shows you a list of ideas she'd come up with the night before. "if you're up for it, the first thing i'd like to do is a bit of shopping. the grand bazaar is absolutely incredible and, if you'd like, we can find you an abaya and a hijab for you to wear this weekend." when you nod eagerly at her idea, another bite of your breakfast in your mouth, she continues. "i'm not sure if architecture and culture is your thing, but the blue mosque and the hagia sophia are the most iconic mosques in istanbul, so those are definitely also ideas for places we could visit. they're also right next to each other, so we can definitely see both if you want."

you finish your breakfasts making relatively loose plans for the day, and you can tell that melek is overjoyed that you're excited to learn more about istanbul. as she'd suggested, your first stop is the grand bazaar, and you really underestimated it. it's loud, crowded, and hot, but it's beautiful in its own unique way. the first shop that melek pulls you into is a clothing shop, and your jaw drops. the fabrics that line the walls are in colors so rich and beautiful you almost think you're viewing the post-editing photographs of it, yet you somehow know that it's real.

"it's beautiful, isn't it?" melek's voice snaps you out of your trance, and you nod.

"it's stunning. thank you for bringing me here."

"this is just the beginning. what colors do you normally wear?" after telling her, she rattles something off to the stall owner, a kind-eyed woman wearing an abaya and hijab similar to melek's, though she doesn't wear an undercap and her hijab is much more opaque. "oh, look at that." when you turn, seeing what she's referring to, you're starstuck. a dark blue abaya lays in the stall owner's arms, and something uneasy stirs in your stomach. you attempt to quell it, though, instead accepting the dress from the owner and scurrying behind a curtain to try it on. when you emerge and face the full length mirror, a sheepish grin spreads on your face when melek gawks at you. "oh, my goodness. you look stunning."

"really?"

"absolutely. do you want to try on a hijab, too?" the uneasy feeling returns in your stomach, and this time, you're able to pinpoint what it is.

"wouldn't it be appropriating your culture, though? i don't want to offend anyone."

"oh, nonsense," melek says with a wave of her hand. "i'd say you're appreciating it more than anything. here, try mine on. pull your hair back?" she unfastens the magnets that hold the fabric together at her chin and drapes it over your hair, securing it with the magnets below your chin and styling it how she had it on her own head. when she moves away from the mirror and you're able to look at your reflection, you're... slightly shocked.

somehow, despite your typical style being jeans that hug your body and shirts or blouses that end before your elbows, you feel beautiful in a full-length dress and a headscarf.

you feel beautiful, confident, and, most of all, you feel strong.

you don't notice it initially, but tears are brimming your eyes, and melek jumps forward, dabbing at your eyes with the sleeve of her abaya. you laugh, tilting your eyes upwards to avoid letting the tears fall. "you look absolutely beautiful."

"i feel beautiful."

by the time you collapse into your bed that day, your smartwatch has logged more than 30,000 steps throughout the streets of istanbul, your camera roll has increased by nearly 500 photos, your stomach is full of delicious street food, and you've purchased two abayas, a white undercap, and three different hijabs. you travel to the middle east several times a year- why shouldn't you have some outfit variability?

before parting ways for the day, you'd made plans with melek to visit some museums tomorrow, the first of which is the rumeli fortress and the second being the topkapi palace museum. you just hope your phone has enough storage to hold all the photos you're going to take.

so pretty and you know it, my heart goes hammer time

soon enough, friday rolls around, and you can't help but admit that you're a bit nervous. knowing the media, they'll tear you to pieces for simply adhering to the cultural norm, but you push down your anxieties in favor of smiling at yourself in the mirror- you really look gorgeous. you're wearing the dark blue abaya you found on wednesday with a simple white chiffon hijab. the juste un clou necklace sits just below your collarbones, and you'd laid your hijab in such a way that it'll be visible, but only if you're really looking for it. knowing lewis, though, he'll see it instantly. after tying the ribbons into a bow at your back, giving your silhouette a fitted waistline to contrast the otherwise fully modest outfit, you make sure everything you'll need is inside your clutch, including two extra masks, and head to the elevators. once you arrive in the lobby, melek greets you with a smile below her mask and hands you a vip guest pass.

"you look beautiful," she assures, almost as if she could read your mind once you sit in the car.

"thank you. you do, too." she's wearing a white shirt and pants set below her lilac jacket-style abaya with a black undercap and hijab, and her converse match the abaya. honestly, it bugs you a little bit how she's so effortlessly beautiful and stylish.

when you step out of the car at the paddock, you slide the pass over your head and hold your clutch tightly in order to stop your hands from shaking. the nerves are starting to settle into your bones, but they're immediately banished when you catch a glimpse of dark tattooed skin, and you instinctively call out his name.

"lewis!"

he'd know that voice anywhere.

before he can fully register your voice, he's whipping around and scanning the crowd for you, almost skimming over your figure. "hey!" he approaches you, and, as is the standard now, brings you in for a hug. "you look amazing. where- when did you buy this?"

when you turn, attempting to find melek in the crowd, you realize it's purely in vain- she's ducked away from the cameras and is making a beeline for the turnstiles to enter the paddock while somehow still avoiding every single camera. "well, she's disappeared now, but melek and i went shopping in the grand bazaar on wednesday. it was absolutely beautiful. you need to go sometime." you've started walking toward the turnstiles with lewis, and you fish your pass out from the folds of your hijab. "you feeling ready for this weekend?"

"a little nervous, but you know how it is."

"i don't, in fact," you quip, making lewis laugh, and, oh, how you missed that laugh. it's high and bubbly and fills you with so many stupid emotions that you really don't want to process right now, so instead you try to turn your dumb smile into a sly smirk. "why don't you tell me?"

"it's... difficult to put into words." he pauses, fist bumping sebastian vettel and giving him the signature 'bro pat' on his arm before returning to his conversation with you. "there's different feelings for each event. for practice sessions, there's less pressure and you're just trying to get a feel for the track, the conditions, learn which corners you're over- or understeering in, that kind of thing. for qualifying, though, it's a waiting game for the first bit, and then, on your flying lap, the world goes quiet. i learn the car get a feel for it and how it responds to everything in the practice sessions, and then in qualifying, i boil all of the mental notes i gathered during the three hours of practice down into one or two notes per corner and send it. i put everything into the car like it's the last lap of the last race and the championship is purely based on this lap." by now, you've made it to the mercedes garage, and you're handed a headset to slip over your neck before smiling and fist bumping a majority of the mechanics and hugging bono quickly. as soon as you've ducked out of view of the cameras, lewis' hand grasps yours tightly, and you quietly thank whatever gods are watching over you that you haven't taken your mask off yet, because you're positive that the heat seeping through your cheeks is incredibly visible.

"when i'm in the car for the race, though, it's a whole different feeling. i feel every minute detail, every time the tires slip or lock up in the slightest bit, how the car gets snappier with each lap as the fuel burns off, every tiny pebble or piece of debris that i run over." you don't let lewis continue talking, instead unhooking your mask from your ears, reaching up to undo his, and kissing him softly. your hands, still holding both masks, rest on his chest and his arms wrap around your waist, caging you in safely.

"you should be a poet," you say, smiling softly against lewis' skin while he continues peppering feather-light kisses to the corners of your lips and cheeks.

"oh yeah? what makes you say that?"

"the way you explained that was... beautiful."

within the next hour, your phone is being blown up with notifications. to be fair, most of them are from amelia saying how absolutely stunning you look and encouraging you to "go get that driver dick, baby!" the others are mostly instagram and twitter notifications, and although the majority are praising you for respecting the modest culture, the ones that you remember the most are the ones critiquing and berating you.

"don't go looking through that bullshit," lewis says, prying your phone from your hands. you're laying on his couch after the first practice session, your feet kicked up onto one armrest and your head resting against the other. "they're just jealous because you look so pretty."

on saturday, lance stroll takes pole, excelling in the rainy conditions. the internet goes up in flames when you arrive at the paddock wearing an abaya and a hijab yet again, but today, you remember lewis' words, and your nerves calm a bit. in the post-qualifying interviews, though, you're surprised when sebastian, daniel, carlos, lewis, and valtteri all come forward, defending you and condemning any fans that have been criticizing you for dressing in a culturally sensitive manner.

it's sunday. you had seen the abaya you're wearing today on your walk to the topkapi palace on thursday and it remained in the back of your mind the whole time you browsed the museum. on your way back, you'd nudged melek and gone into the shop with her, and, after standing behind melek slightly awkwardly as she conversed with the shop's worker in turkish, you paid for the dark teal abaya and moved on to the rumeli fortress. a dubai abaya, melek had called it. "it's more dressy- see the embroidery on the sleeves? it's typically for more luxurious or glamorous occasions."

what's more glamorous than the pinnacle of motorsport?

when you find lewis and valtteri in the garage, their faces light up and lewis brings you in for a hug quickly. "you look stunning, as always," he whispers, and a rush of butterflies flood your stomach once more.

"thank you."

"can i get a spin?" valtteri says, and you happily oblige, the abaya twirling at your feet. "it suits you." you beam below your mask. valtteri is a very reserved person, but you've quickly learned his mannerisms. he isn't the person to hand out compliments for the heck of it, so when you do get a compliment from him, you know he really means it.

"thanks, valtteri. you ready for today?" he nods and is about to respond when his race engineer notifies him that he needs to review some strategy ideas, so he excuses himself from the conversation and you're left with lewis. "what about you, soon-to-be seven-time world champion?"

"nervous. with the track being such a high-speed circuit and the rain, it's going to be hard to not spin out."

"aw, come on. you'll do great."

and he does. after multiple rain clouds, fluctuations in temperature, and so many close calls that could've resulted in spins or crashes, you're clapping in the mercedes garage, hugging every mechanic that's overwhelmed with glee alongside you. your headset is over your ears, and you tear up a little bit hearing lewis' voice over the radio.

"what a way to win your seventh world title," bono says next to you, and you laugh when you hear lewis squealing with joy. "mate, you have got to be proud of that. what an awesome drive."

lewis has tears in his voice when he replies, and you can't tell if he's breathing heavily because of the race or because of the fact that he just equalled michael schumacher's record for seven world titles. "thank you so much, guys! woo! that's for all the kids out there that dream the impossible. you can do it too, man. i believe in you guys. thank you so much, everyone, for your support." sebastian is the first person to congratulate him, running over in parc fermé after pulling off his own helmet, brushing away a scarlet team kit-clad ferrari employee trying to bring him to the weigh station in favor of kneeling just in front of the halo, reaching his hand through, and clasping it tightly with lewis' own. when he manages to climb out of the car and run over to the crowd of mercedes employees waiting for him, he's absorbed by arms and hands patting him on the back, jumping up and down with glee. you're hanging back in the crowd and doing your best to avoid the cameras, but when lewis pulls away from the giant hug and spots you, wearing his colors supporting his team, he's struck by an abrupt realization--one he's been deliberately avoiding admitting to himself for months, instead opting to shift his focus to any other topic.

yeah.

he's in love with you.

the love we make is poison, it's like my only vice

you don't see him again until after the podium ceremony. he stands between sebastian and sergio, and the crowd roars when he steps out onto the platform, the words "seven-time world champion" ringing in your ears as the british national anthem begins to play. you giggle when you notice that the wrong digital flags hang above sergio and sebastian's heads despite the drivers standing on the correct steps, and you're pretty sure it's a laugh to stop yourself from crying because if you stop smiling you will cry.

after he's handed the trophy, he steps forward off of the podium and tosses it in the air as the crowd below cheers. following the remaining three trophies being handed to their respective recipients, champagne sprays, the toreador march plays, and you couldn't be happier. as soon as lewis steps off the podium, you're the first person he looks for, but he's herded towards the media pen where he's held captive for the next hour, but all he wants to do is get back to you and celebrate his victory. when he does find you, hours later, you're curled into a ball on his couch, a pile of teal fabric and your hair splayed out behind you, and lewis is pretty sure his heart melts.

he sets his phone down on the massage table next to your hijab and squats in front of the couch, laying a gentle hand on your shoulder and shaking slightly. despite the only light in the room being the glow from the light outside the door, your eyes still briefly struggle to adjust to it, and lewis has to hold your hands to stop you from rubbing at them- your eyeliner looks especially perfect today.

"hey there, seven-time world champion," you murmur, sitting up and taking his face in your hands. "how was media?"

"agonizingly slow, as always. but i'm here with you now, and that's what matters." you smile, leaning in to kiss him softly, and lewis gladly accepts, kissing you softly. all too soon, though, he remembers the realization he had after the race, and pulls back, a pout finding your lips in response. "can we talk about something?" your heart rate spikes upon hearing the words, and lewis must see how your eyebrows rise slightly and your lips part in confusion, because he's quick to quell your anxieties. "it's nothing bad, don't worry. it's just... weird to think about this conversation."

"i've got time," you reply, patting the spot next to you on the couch and shifting so that you're looking directly at him when he takes his seat. "what's on your mind?"

lewis hesitates, his eyes shifting uneasily and his hands fidgeting in his lap. on instinct, you reach forward and take his hands in yours, stopping him from picking at his nails the way he does when he's nervous. "i don't really know why i haven't asked you this before, and it's really weird saying this out loud because i don't think i've ever had to do this, but do you... do you want to go out on a proper date?"

you're a bit gobsmacked, if you're being entirely honest. of all the things you'd expected him to say, that was probably the last thing on your list. your jaw drops open a bit, and lewis looks like he's about to backpedal, but your reflexes, in this one instance, are faster. "i'd love to, lewis." relief immediately floods his face, and you laugh, watching as every tense muscle in his body releases and he exhales a dramatic sigh of relief.

"oh, thank god. i don't know what i would've done if you'd said no."

"lewis, are you crazy? why would i ever say no?" you lower your voice just slightly, still aware of the open door, and, despite most of the team having already returned to their hotels, some people are still milling about, and you don't exactly want the entire paddock hearing what you're about to say. "not only are you the most kind and attentive person i've ever met, you're incredibly attractive, and i'd be lying if i said that the sex with you hasn't been the best in my entire life." lewis laughs, leaning forward and resting his head on your knuckles where they still clutch his hands.

"how does dinner sound?" he sits up again, still smiling brightly.

"dinner sounds lovely. i'm not sure when we'll be in the same area next, though."

"why not tonight?"

"i'm hardly dressed for getting dinner with the lewis hamilton," you begin, but lewis cuts you off with a kiss.

"you look stunning. i couldn't outshine you if i tried." it's your turn to hide your face in your hands, a dumb, teenager-in-love smile spreading across your face. "let me shower and get dressed, and then we'll head out?" you nod, and lewis leans forward to kiss you quickly before standing and heading towards the door to his bathroom.

you're wearing nothing but your perfume it's one hell of a view

"you're absolutely beautiful." you aren't sure how many times lewis has murmured those words in your ear since you left the mercedes motorhome, but this time, it's your chance to say it. you've both removed every article of clothing you wore out to dinner, your abaya and hijab abandoned somewhere on the floor and, dropped between them somewhere, lie lewis' shirt and slacks.

when he pushes into you, your mouth falls open in a breathy moan that lewis swallows greedily, his lips a comforting touch on your own, and your arms wrap around his broad shoulders to hold him as close as possible. his thrusts are slow and deliberate, pressing against every spot deep inside of you that makes you see stars. "you like it deep like that?"

the only response you're able to form is a whiny "yeah" that just sounds downright pathetic to your ears.

lewis tucks his head into the crook of your neck, mouthing at the sensitive skin there, kissing and licking softly, letting his teeth occasionally graze gently. you're engulfed in the smell of his cologne, a delicate mix of rose, cumin, and cedarwood that you wish you could bathe in. his thrusts take a slow pace, one that has your orgasm creeping up on you slowly but surely, and when it hits you, your fingers dig into his shoulders as you cum with a cry of his name on your lips, the faint sting of tears in your eyes.

the next morning, you're curled up against lewis' side in his jet, looking out onto istanbul as you fly out of the beautiful city. roscoe's head is laid in your lap, and your fingers idly scratch along his head. if dogs purred, roscoe would be doing just that. lewis' left hand holds your right, his thumb gently running along your own, and your head rests in the crook between his neck and shoulder.

for the first time in a week, you feel peaceful. you don't have to keep up appearances for anyone, you don't have to worry about running into any cameras, and you can just... exist. the fact that lewis is by your side, his form protective over you, only brings you further comfort.

it's you who speaks up first. "what're you thinking about?"

"hm?"

"you've got something on your mind. you need to talk about it?"

"just thinking about you."

"what about me?"

"will you be my partner?"

your kiss against his lips gives him a very enthusiastic answer that he can only hope to assume means yes. when you part, your cheeks burning from smiling and tears stinging your waterline, you laugh lightly.

"you made me an offer i can't refuse. i got it bad for you, baby."

and that's a wrap! i hope you guys liked the story <3 as always, all my love to every single one of you that stuck around to see this through. i know i'm over a month late on this final chapter but it took me forever to find an ending that i actually liked. thank you for reading and pls pls check out my other stories.

all my best,

stella

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allwaswell16 · 3 months ago

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All the One Direction fics I read and enjoyed in Feb 2025. For more new fics, check out this month's fic roundup at @1dmonthlyficroundup ! You can find my other fic recs here.

- Louis / Harry -

🎀 can we please get back to loving? by journeytothepast / @suckerforhome

(E, 20k, famous/famous au) exes to lovers AU where Harry and Louis have to meet up with each other after their sex tape gets leaked.

🎀 tread lightly on my ground by fairytalelights / @lookslikefairytale

(E, 20k, omegaverse) the one where Harry is having Louis' baby, but Louis doesn't know it's his.

🎀 a flicker of hope that i wanna keep (please don’t leave) by localopa / @voulezloux

(M, 12k, canon) harry is in love with louis, and he had thought louis felt the same until he accidentally left his journal in harry’s home.

🎀 Unholy by wickedarcher_08 / @wicked-archer

(E, 11k, demon Harry) When Harry Styles started acting different after his 26th birthday, Father Louis Tomlinson is the only one that may be able to save his soul. He has successfully performed exorcisms before. This should be easy. Until it isn't.

🎀 Roman Empire by Speechless

(E, 11k, long distance) One day Louis answers Liam's phone while he is in the shower. That's how he meets Harry, Liam's friend who moved to Italy just a while ago. And that's how Liam loses ownership of his phone.

🎀 chasin' the high (but it was always you) by kingofthefridaynight

(G, 10k, friends to lovers) the one where there's always something standing in their way and they keep missing their chance. Until they don't.

🎀 Zero Complications by galactic_larry / @galacticlarry

(T, 8k, grief) Harry and Louis have only been on two dates so far, but things seem to be going great between the two of them. What happens when the third date ruins everything?

🎀 Sweetest Poison (series) by @hellolovers13

(E, 7k, witch Harry) It takes all his willpower to keep Harry from devouring it all now. Consume the raw energy that flows through it. Let it become part of him. Let it fuel and rejuvenate him. But it’s too soon. or Nothing like starting the day with a little bloodshed.

🎀 Fall With You by pointerbrother / @pointerbrotherblog

(E, 6k, canon) Harry and Louis are stuck in a hotel suite together watching the Euros 2020 final because they tested positive for Covid, and Louis is quite caught up in the game. Meanwhile, Harry is caught up in Louis.

🎀 The Nestuary by @homosociallyyours

(T, 5k, omegaverse) Louis has never gotten the hang of nesting, so when she gets an Instagram ad for a nest building service, she worries it's too good to be true. It's not, fortunately. She's hooked.

🎀 i forget (but i remember you) by honey_beeing

(T, 3k, established relationship) Where Harry has anterograde amnesia and needs Louis's help sometimes.

🎀 Just Another Card Again by @tippitytap

(G, 3k, epistolary) Dear reader, this is a story of Harry and Louis falling in love through greeting cards and being neighbours. With love, Clifford

🎀 I'll smile to hide the truth by BriaMaria / @briannamarguerite

(NR, 2k, outside pov) the "Happier" AU that finds Louis' ex running into him and Harry as a couple

🎀 Accommodate This by LadyLondonderry / @londonfoginacup

(T, 2k, professor Harry) Harry's a professor just trying to get proper accommodations.

🎀 scent holding me ransom by larryftnoctrl / @the-larry-way

(E, 1k, omegaverse) Louis is obsessed with the scent of an omega he's never seen. Harry knows his dirty secret.

- Rare Pairs -

🎀 (Whoops) Here We Go Again by @lululawrence

(NR, 4k, Louis/Oscar Isaac) the one where Louis and Oscar have been seeing each other regularly on the elevator at work for almost nine months. Maybe it’s time for something to finally happen between them.

🎀 The Stranger the Better by @haztobegood

(G, 2k, Harry/Hozier) Sometimes a painful break-up can lead to an unexpected new beginning. The note with a famous singer’s phone number in Harry’s hand is proof of that. Thankfully it wasn’t Harry’s heartbreak that led to this, but his best friend Niall’s.

🎀 baking me crazy by @disgruntledkittenface

(NR, 2k, Harry/Seth Meyers) Harry bakes when he’s had a bad day. He finds out that his roommate Zayn has been texting their neighbor Seth to let him know on those days that free baked goods are available.

🎀 Be With Me by @allwaswell16

(T, 100 words, Zayn/Louis) Zayn wants Louis to know she deserves the best. And well, Zayn is the best.

#28th appreciation #ficrec #Larry fanfiction #one direction fanfiction #1dficvillage #1dficlibrary #hlcreators #hljournal

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keriarentikai · 5 months ago

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A low/no-angst WangXian podfic rec list for hard times and cozy days

This list is far from complete and incorporates suggestions from the MDZS podfic discord server as well as comments on the last iteration of this post. But in the end, this is only my opinion of what’s cozy and low-angst, so please make sure to read the tags yourself before embarking if you’re feeling sensitive!

(list is alphabetical by title)

a garden in your ribcage by puddingcatbeans, G, podfic by GinevraFangirl (1 hour 48 min) – there’s just something about this one, a modern-with-magic AU focusing on plant magic, that gets me and feels so soft.

Accidents Will Happen by vesna, E, podfic by AuntieIroh (6 hours 26 min) – soft, post-canon mpreg. A little angst and illness, but mostly very sweet.

and having a marvelous time by varnes, M, podfic by Spinifex (13 hours 43 min) – this is a very sweet Sound of Music AU and Spinifex’s voices just KILL me.

Bodega Love by cicer, T, podfics by a big group in 2020 possibly for an event? (1 hour 16 min) and by Lotus Pier Lakeside team for VT Mystery Box 2023 (1 hour 37 min) – another very funny Modern AU with insane podfic energy

grow by cafecliche, T, podfic by jellyfishfire (1 hour 32 min) – post-canon, wwx is de-aged. Honestly I don’t remember this super well but it was recced by lightningshowl and I remember liking it. I’ll relisten and report back soon!

i know who i want to take me home by ScarlettStorm, E, podfic by rionaa (1 hour 45 min ish) – wwx finds a very drunk lwj in his bar and has to take care of him until his brother comes to get him (and then later they get together). I just love the fic and rionaa + Thali’s reading is so sweet.

in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie (cl410), T, podfic by raitala (5+ hours). Lwj can tell when people are lying. It’s soft and lyrical and very soothing imho.

it is wednesday, my dudes by ritualist, M, podfic by jellyfishfire (26 min) – wwx is a health and safety inspector and needs to check out the strip club where lwj works. This podfic makes me laugh every single time.

leave all your love and your longing behind by ScarlettStorm (a.k.a. The Asshole Dog fic), E, podfic by rionaa (between 10-15 hours, I didn’t look up the exact number, sorry!) - not entirely angst-free but this podfic is my happy place. Modern AU, lwj and wwx have a chance meeting and get to know each other and fall in love, of course.

Lost Boys by raitala, E, podfic by KeriArentikai (13 hours 41 minutes) – Modern AU, wwx and a-yuan are reunited with lwj after a long time and move in with him. Not angst-free, entirely, but it’s very soft and absolutely what I listened to when I was sick and needed a blanket in a podfic.

lovely thorns and singing crows by isabilightwood, E, podfics by exmanhater (3 hours 30 min) and semperfiona (4 hours 10 min) – super fun Addams-family vibes modern AU. Maybe not traditional comfort reading, but soft and fun.

Magical Marriage Ribbons by starandrea, Not Rated (but a bit of sex), podfic by dangercupcake (19.5 hours so far) – alt-canon, wangxian get together as teens, soft vignette style. It’s not an angst-free fic but it’s definitely a comfort listen for me.

Meng Yao vs. the Board of the Homeowner's Association by Ariaste, E, podfics by rionaa et al. (some length!) and GinevraFangirl et al. (also some length!) - another funny, manic modern AU to get your mind off of things.

My Leaves Reach Ever for the Sun by nonplussed, T, podfic by neireid (3.5-4 hours) - I can’t sum it up better than the author: “AKA the fic where WWX crossdresses his way into winning his life, love, and liberty”.

plant a little happiness (let the roots run deep) by fleurdeliser, E, podfics by exmanhater (4 hours 26 min) and knight_tracer (4 hours 52 min) – I’ll admit I don’t remember this one too well, but it was recced by flamingwell, LadyEn and addictedtostoriesandcrochet, so it’s clearly a winner. Another one to add more comments to once I’ve relistened!

save a sword, ride a socialist by sysrae, E, podfic by exmanhater (3 hours 15 min) – funny modern-with-magic, wwx-is-a-gremlin AU. Maybe not exactly what I’d consider a comfort listen, but definitely a good, light distraction listen.

Seasons of Love by sweetlittlevampire, T, podfic by kisahawklin (some amount of time!) - very soft bunny-based modern AU

shades of grey spill from my veins (bleeding ink all over the page) by Reverie (cl410), M, podfic by KeriArentikai (8 hours 10 minutes) – wwx raised by the Nie, told in a vignette style for the most part. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Somewhere I Belong by athena_crikey, E, podfic by zaffre (2 hours 6 minutes). Pilot!wwx takes scientist!lwj into the north of the Prairies and they hit it off.

stray cat strut by ScarlettStorm, E, podfic by KeriArentikai (6 hours 17 min). Canon-era, wwx gets trapped as a cat! And then a catboy! Very cute, funny, low-stakes fic.

The Peanut Butter Jar AU by ScarlettStorm, E, podfic of fic 1 by Khashana (3 hours 22 min), fic 2 by sunkitten_shash (4 hours 37 min) – fox-shifter WWX gets in a bit of trouble and is saved by animal-rescue worker LWJ. Super funny and quite light.

The Wild Geese's Tomb by The Feels Whale, T, podfic by kealdrakemna (8 hours 16 min) – time-travel fix-it that just makes everything a bit better.

this moonlit heart is home by Selenay, M, podfic by exmanhater (55 min) – cat!wwx! Very cute

through a window softly by impossibletruths, T, podfic by Rhea314 (1 hour 48 min) – yet another one I need to relisten to, but that I remember liking and that was recced by addictedtostoriesandcrochet.

without your new eyes by anaphoricae, E, podfic by LadyEn (7 hours 29 min) – soft didn’t-know-they-were-dating fic

Work in Tandem by MimiSpearmint, E, podfic by GinevraFangirl (2 hours 36 min) – modern with magic; wwx is Lan Sizhui’s flying instructor and is into his hot dad.

I will hopefully continue to update this as appropriate fics come to my attention. Everyone has different tastes as to what constitutes a soft comfort listen, but I'm extremely happy to hear suggestions of what should be added.

#podfic #rec list #podfic rec list #wangxian

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maisstories · 8 months ago

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Not Quite Dead

Hello, everyone,

It's been a while, and I am well aware of it. I'm very sorry about my long silence, and very grateful to everybody who has reached out to me. I know I haven't responded to most of you, but please know your messages have been bright lights in an otherwise very dark path.

It's a long story, but I'll make it as short as possible.

Following a hard period during the pandemic, I obtained a temporary government job in June, 2021. I started working and was overtaken by an unexplainable exhaustion no doctor had an answer for, if they believed me at all. I worked full time, I slept 14 hours, I squeezed in studying here and there and on February, 2022, sat another official exam for a government position. I passed and got a position.

So I had a job for life. Good things happened, bad things happened. I remained exhausted most of the time. On May, 2024, I finally found a good doctor who had an inkling what my exhaustion and a myriad newer small symptoms could be.

On May 20th, 2024, the same day I turned 32, I was diagnosed Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. This is a type of blood cancer. Fortunately, the variation I have is well studied and has a 90% survival rate. There are many treatment options for me.

Unsurprisingly, exhaustion, brain muddyness, and a weak immune system are symptoms of CML. My doctor estimates I developed it around 2020, but confinement and paranoia over the pandemic masked its initial symptoms. This, followed by a personal life tragedy that came with its own onslaught of grief and depression, combined with my lack of energy and my less than ideal living conditions resulted in four years passing between apparition and diagnostic.

I'm very lucky it was found before it became a more aggressive form of leukemia.

Now I'm on medical leave and umdergoing a very targeted form of chemotherapy. It's not great, it has many side effects, but the doctor assures me I should stabilize and lose both the symptoms and side effects in a year at most.

Throughout all this, reading the comments and messages from all the wonderful people who take time out of their days even to read stories that appear very much abandoned has been an invaluable source of joy and encouragement.

To all these people, I'd like to say:

Thank you. Thank you for giving me the motivation to keep trying.

And also:

Nothing is abandoned.

I don't know how long it'll take me to recover my energy levels, nor which stories will call to me first, but I intend to continue all of my stories.

Chapter 24 of The Colours of the World is at 3k.

i hope to see all of you soon.

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a-d-nox · 8 months ago

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web of wyrd: how to spot a reliable matrix post

i have been seeing a lot of matrix posts lately that have made me question if people are posting without actually understanding what the arcanas mean, what the orbs mean, how the matrix is calculated, etc. the biggest offender right now is not knowing that certain energies can only exist is certain places. so here is how to spot a questionable post...

paid reading options: astrology menu & cartomancy menu

enjoy my work? help me continue creating by tipping on ko-fi or paypal. your support keeps the magic alive!

let's talk math!

1 (magician) energy can only exist in the primary higher self or the public persona orbs.

2 or high priestess energy can only exist in the primary higher self, primary masculine high energy, primary monetary karma, or the public persona orbs.

persona energies can be 1-22 in this orb and this orb only.

1, 2, 3, 4, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, and 22 can only occur once a month.

5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, and 11 can occur twice a month.

primary higher self energy can only be 1-12.

the primary monetary karma orb...

...is as follows 1970-1979 (17-8), 1980-1989 (18-9), 1990-1999 (19-10), 2000-2009 (2-11), 2010-2019 (3-12), 2020-2029 (4-13), etc. i saw a post the other day about energies 13-22 and i was like homeslice half of your target audience isn't on social media any more or isn't born yet.

you can never have 1, 2, 15, 17, 19, or 21 as your primary core energy.

5, 6, and 8 are the most common cores.

13, 14, 16, 18, 20, and 22 are considered rare.

have ideas for new content? please use my “suggest a post topic” button!

return to nox's guide to metaphysics

return to the masterlist of the web of wyrd

#astrology #astro community #astro chart #natal chart #astrology tumblr #astrology chart #natal astrology #astrology readings #astrology signs #astro notes #martrix #matrix of destiny #destiny matrix #matrix of fate #the matrix #wyrd web #web of wyrd #mathblr

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youremyheaven · 1 year ago

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Ketu: Detachment & Connection

I thought I would expand more on the nature of Ketu in this post. Although both Rahu and Ketu are shadow planets (they are the north and south node of the moon) they experience this darkness very differently. Rahu seeks intense immersion in their experiences and seeks to absorb as much of their material realm (Rahu is the head) but Ketu is disconnected from this completely (Ketu being the headless torso) and even if they want to, they cannot immerse themselves in the material realm, they find it disorienting or simply feel disconnected from it all. Its meaningless to them.

The Ketu nakshatras are Ashwini, Magha & Mula

Ketu is in the darkness and to be Ketuvian is to be in a tunnel perpetually seeking the light. It can be a very uneasy energy to inhabit if imbalanced but this is why spirituality is so important to Ketu natives, they have to cultivate spiritual discipline if they are to peacefully embody this energy and find clarity in its detachment. Most people struggle with overattachment, so having this Ketuvian energy is a great starting point since you're already detached but grounding is very important as there is such a thing as being too detached or uncaring.

The Ketuvian struggle for connection reminds me of certain 8h themes and I think 8housers and Ketuvians have a lot in common in that regard. You need to have an intense kind of connection to feel anything at all, everything else feels kind of mild to your senses. Only intensity can wake you up and make you feel "awake" or "aware" as Ketuvians are sort of in this passive detached state otherwise.

I noticed many of these themes in Jungkook's solo songs. He is a Magha Moon and Mula Rising (he has such a puppy energy, it must be Mula's dog yoni hehe)

I had mentioned in one of my previous posts that being heavily tatted (a full sleeve of tattoos or just being covered in tattoos) is a very Nodal thing to do because they're plunged in shadows and making a mark spiritually helps them feel more connected or because they have to indulge in the extremes of anything for it to feel impactful.

Jungkook has a song called "Still With You" released in 2020, widely considered a love letter to army. These are the English translation of some of its lyrics that I found correlating to his Ketuvian energy

"That faint voice of yours that grazed me Please call my name one more time I'm standing under the frozen light, but I'll walk step by step towards you Still with you

With no light in the darkroom I shouldn't get used to it But I'm used to it again The low-pitched sound of this air conditioner If I don't have this, I will fall apart We laugh together, we cry together I guess these simple feelings were everything to me"

Fame can be a very intoxicating and addictive experience for Nodal natives. Since they feel very disconnected otherwise, they experience connection when it is pouring in such a large or vast scale. But this sort of dependence on fame and fans can also be destabilising and unhealthy because you never know when it might all go away. Since fame is so fickle, its dangerous to rely on it to feel "connected". This is why soooo many Nodal natives who are celebrities are sooo often self-destructive. You keep chasing that high and you'll never feel satisfied, you can never fill the vacuum you have and the harder you try, the more empty you feel.

I don't say any of this to be discouraging, im only trying to point out the emotional expectations we place upon certain experiences and even relationships and how it turns toxic and unhealthy when we do that. If we were to use another person to feel connected or tethered to the world, whilst it may work for us, they must feel very drained by being our anchor.

Jungkook has another demo called Decalcomania and the lyrics go like this:

When I see you smile in the screen You're good at everything You're just perfect Feels like I've never been you

Do you even see me? Do you know who I am? Or how do I look now? You don't like me like that

Come and tell me so much, you beautiful heart Oh, I'm gonna listen to you Please

All the numbers too big Can't get out of your game Oh, I want to paint it like you Please

I want to be your decalcomania I want you I want to be your decalcomania I want I want you

He is singing about himself and how he feels dissociated from himself. Fame can be a very dissociative experience for Ketu natives as their search for connection means they feel even more disconnected from the person they become to achieve this connection. Decalcomania refers to the process by which engravings are transferred to another surface (paper, pottery etc). It ties back to Ketu's need to be marked upon, they need something to make an impression on them, literally, because otherwise it does not feel real to them. Jungkook is asking himself to transfer the person he sees on screen to himself, so that he can embody the lightness and joy he sees on him.

Jungkook has another solo song called My Time in which he sings:

"24, feels like I became a grown-up faster than everyone else My life has been a movie, all the time I ran to where the sun rises every single night It's like I've been to someone's tomorrow The boy who found the world too big Keep on runnin' errday, pick the mic up Friends ridin' subway, I'll be in the aeroplane mode All over the world rock on, I made my own lotto But is it too fast? There are traces of losses Don't know what to do with, am I livin' this right? Why am I alone in a different time and space?"

Nodal natives (both Rahu & Ketu) regardless of whether they're child stars or not, have to grow up faster than others. This again makes them feel very disconnected from kids their age, you feel vv lonely.

Oh, I think I was in yesterday 'Cause everybody walk too fast I'm a little kid grown up not knowing it (Like a child who got lost) This got me oh just trippin’ It feels I'm roaming over Don't know what to do with, am I livin' this right? Why am I alone in a different time and space?

It feels confusing and disorienting to live a life that others cant relate to you. Immense wealth and fame can make you feel this way but Ketuvians feel this way in general. They look around them and they feel lost like everybody else is moving too fast.

"Sometimes when I'm gasping for air I wear my hat low and keep running Yeah, I don't gotta know where I go Even if it's opposite of sun One time for the present Two time for the past Happy that we met each other Now 'til the very end"

He's expressing his gratitude for everything even though it feels so alienating and confusing.

There is another song called Stay Alive in which he sings:

"그림잔 커져가지만 Although my shadow grows larger,

괜찮아 너란 큰 빛 덕분이니 It’s okay because it’s thanks to the great light that is you"

This is such a sincere explanation of what its like to be a Ketuvian in the limelight, he's thankful for having such a vast fanbase, the source of his "light" (remember that Ketu is in darkness and is always seeking light) but chasing this light means having to morph into somebody else/feeling disconnected from yourself which he succinctly expresses through the line "my shadow grows larger". Since Ketu is in perpetual darkness and is a shadow planet, it does not confront its shadow on its own. Its the seeking, the constant chasing for the light which they need that brings them to see their shadow.

Perhaps you feel very void and disconnected in general but you have a friend or a partner who makes you feel very tethered, through them you absorb their light but this also means you learn to look at yourself more clearly (Ketuvians are blind to their own nature) and this can be a very disconcerting and difficult experience if you've seldom ever felt "seen".

Emma Watson, Ashwini Sun, Mula Moon

I remember reading this interview in like 2010 where she said that whilst doing red carpets for the last Harry Potter movies she would have these moments where she looked into the mirror and felt very disconnected from the person she saw.

She subsequently turned to yoga and meditation and is even a certified yoga instructor. She has also mentioned going on silent retreats.

Ketu natives truly find balance in their lives when they cultivate a spiritual practice and devote themselves to it. Emma has largely stayed out of the limelight in the last decade or so and will probably continue to do so, this is very Ketuvian again, these natives find social interactions, especially the kind of intensive press tour celebrity life to be very draining, they need to retreat and do things in a way that is "real" to them. Emma has spoken about taking a break from acting and working behind the scenes.

Jungkook deleted his IG despite having 40+ million followers and like most Ketu natives he is very private and has no social media. It does not feel natural or real to them.

In her British Vogue interview, Emma said,

"...Her characters have felt, at times, “much realer” than she was. “I’m just so glad that I did [step away from acting] because I have this feeling of having my own voice and creative space and sovereignty in some way that I don’t think I did before".

This time has allowed Watson to concentrate on her “inner scorecard” (how you feel about yourself on the inside), versus her “outer scorecard” (your outward success, as seen on social media, for example). “I get a front row seat [with] some of the most successful, beautiful, incredible people in the world,” she says of Hollywood’s inner sanctum. “And when you have that seat it becomes very, very clear that there is just absolutely no level of success that will make you in any way happy or content if you do not like who you are or enjoy what you’re doing when no one’s watching.”

All of this feels like evolved, balanced and mature Ketu energy.

Miranda Kerr, Ashwini Sun

She is another person who I've always thought embodies a very healthy and evolved Ketuvian energy

Here's an excerpt from her interview:

“First, I try to do a little meditation and yoga, depending on how I feel. I've been meditating since I was 18. I've learnt Transcendental Meditation and Kriya Yoga Meditation, but sometimes I'm just too much in my head and so I need to put on an app. I use Insight Timer, which has different guided meditations, from a five- or 10-minute meditation or deeper ones which help if I can't sleep.

“Gratitude puts everything into perspective. The way that we speak to ourselves is really important, and to be aware to pull yourself up if you’re being self-critical and try and look at things in a positive way. For example, we can look outside and say, ‘oh my goodness, I can't believe it's raining’, or we can look outside and go, ‘well, it's cosy when it rains, I'd love to be inside and I get to wear my favourite scarf’ – we can switch our whole perspective on so many things. For me, waking up in the morning and thinking of at least three things I’m grateful for is so important. Just simple things like, ‘I’m grateful that we have fresh running water’.”

Salma Hayek, Magha Rising

Salma has been practising meditation and yoga for decades and has said: “It’s actually feeling the energy,” she said. “It moves and it dances inside of you, different sensations and emotions. So I use a lot of the frequency machines.”

Hayek claimed that her meditation works wonders for her appearance. “Sometimes when I’m doing it, people tell me when I come out of the room, ‘Oh my god. You look 20 again,'" she said.

She also warned that if she stopped meditating, her face would suffer. “When I don’t do it for a while, guess what?” she said. “The face starts to drop and everything starts to drop.”

Spirituality comes easier for women than men imo and Ketuvian women are more likely to buy into all things spiritual like crystal cleansing, chakra reading and even other offbeat spiritual techniques.

Gigi Hadid, Ashwini Sun & Rising

Gigi is another person who embodies really healthy Ketuvian energy

In her interviews, she always sounds very grounded and tethered. She said:

"I got pregnant and I really started to think about what I wanted after, when the world opened back up. (she got pregnant during covid) It kept coming back to just a more stabilized schedule where I’m not in a different country every week. This is very stabilizing. I have an office that I come to. I know everyone here. I don’t have to look a certain way to show up. It’s a different experience for me, and it was the right time because I was ready for that,”

To realize what is causing you to feel unstable and deliberately manoeuvre your life to create that stability requires self-awareness and maturity.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mula Moon

He has talked about how bodybuilding and building his physique really helped him feel connected to himself in a different way. I think this is an interesting manifestation of Ketu's disconnection and need to go to extremes to feel anything. Arnold's workout routine from his Mr World days is pretty insane, he worked harder than anybody else and was single-mindedly focused on it. Pushing yourself to such extremes and committing to it is difficult but those Ketuvians who can do so will benefit from it immensely.

Ketu is detached from the material realm. For a Ketu native that isn't tuned into their spiritual side, this can mean feeling disconnected in general but the blessings of retreating to spirituality, slowness, stillness etc means shifting to a version of life where you feel anchored within yourself without depending on anybody or anything to feel that way.

All of the people I mentioned above turned away from the spotlight or made choices to make their lives more grounded and stable and as a result they feel content and satiated. They are detached from the material realm but firmly tethered to the things that matter to them.

I just wanted to make a brief post about how Ketuvians embrace their shadows and how spirituality anchors them.

I hope this was insightful.

#astrology notes #astrology observations #sidereal astrology #vedic astro notes #nakshatras #vedic astrology #astro notes #astro observations #astrology #astroblr #ketu #magha #mula #ashwini

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