#more of a rant than constructive criticism but we need to hear it

[rimoriii]

→ O4/22/2O24 ᵔ₊.

ੈ♡‧₊˚ ❛ @rimoriii * .

momo's carrd

i hope you enjoy

reading this.

. . . . .

⌦ hello everyone !

this is my very first post <3

my blog today will be about . . .

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE ESU

——— — - - - —— - - -

❛ tᥲbᥣᥱ ᥆f ᥴ᥆ᥒtᥱᥒt᥉. ୨୧♡ᵎ

—---———------—--——

:: OO . . . . . . . . . . . disclaimer + rant.

:: O1 . . . . . . . . . . . intro to esu.

:: O2 . . . . . . . . . . . my story.

:: O3 . . . . . . . . . . . signs you might be esu.

:: O4 . . . . . . . . . . . resources.

:: O4 . . . . . . . . . . . outro.

. . . . .

→ O4/22/2O24 ᵔ₊.

ੈ♡‧₊˚ ❛ @rimoriii * .

﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏

༄ ‧₊˚ ⌇ disclaimer + rant:: ↴ ! ❜⸼۰

before y'all start fighting in my comments section, nobody wants to fight you so hate will be deleted. you are entitled to your own opinion and i am entitled to mine and believe it or not, thinking this is valid IS an opinion. if you think otherwise, you're allowed to think that, what am i gonna do about it?? this post is really just me practicing argumentative responses, feedback or criticism would be greatly appreciated. i would love to hear your point of view as long as you're respectful !

esu, transracial, and rcta aren't the same thing so please don't say that. idek what transracial is but i assume it's the same as being rcta - rcta means "race change to another" and it is a newer term that we should NOT be using. why?

first off, race is a very broad thing, you can't just transition to a race, you have to be a specific ethnicity.

some of y'all don't know the difference between race, ethnicity and nationality so lemme just get that out of the way now :

race: race typically refers to physical characteristics such as skin color, facial features, and hair texture. it's a social construct used to categorize people based on perceived biological differences. however, there is no scientific basis for these distinctions, as genetic variation within racial groups can be greater than between them.

ethnicity: ethnicity relates to cultural factors such as language, religion, ancestry, and traditions. it's more about shared customs, beliefs, and history rather than physical traits. people from the same ethnicity may or may not share the same race.

nationality: nationality refers to the legal relationship between an individual and a sovereign state. it indicates the country of citizenship or allegiance, often determined by factors like place of birth, parentage, or legal status. nationality is about belonging to a specific political community, regardless of race or ethnicity.

now that you know that, let's continue.

the term race change TO ANOTHER implies that you were not that race before which would be untrue, it's a very hard feeling to describe but you've always been that race at heart, you're not "changing races"

this term was made by an awful person who is a groomer and pedo. they are also an asian fetishist. so by using this term, you'd be putting yourself under the same umbrella as them. im not going to talk about it but @.rctaisacult on tiktok has talked about it with screenshots and proof.

people who use ethnicity subliminals have ALWAYS been called ethnicity subliminals users, you can see that term goes back a lot of years, rcta on the other hand, very recent.

and for why you shouldn't use the term "transracial" ? there actually isn't a reason that comes to mind except for the fact that a lot of bait accounts or adults use it, there are many transracial adults out there that you can go to for help, large community! me personally, i don't really like to because i've noticed that most of the time, they have underlying mental issues that really need attention... im not trying to be like that so err i'd just not.

transracial is defined as: "Anyone whose physical makeup, emotional, racial, and/or self-expression is in conflict with current cultural racial stereotypes and racial norms, similar to transgender and sexual norms" (which it is not). it is actually the oldest term on the list, if you haven't heard of being esu, i'm sure you've heard of being transracial.

based on this definition, i feel like the difference between being esu and being transracial is one (has to) use subliminals and the other doesn't. they'll do things like cosmetic procedures instead.

i kinda wanna talk abt oli london but let's not address that

that tangent is over now and i just want to tell you that im not asking you to change your opinion, i just want you to be nice. the hate towards esu on the Internet is absolutely insane, i get it if you don't support, okay? if you don't like it, block don't report. we're just existing and it sucks that you think that's wrong of us. hate comments can be really damaging to someone's mental health, ESPECIALLY if that person is sensitive. if the hate is prolonged, it could lead to the death of someone, someone's child, cousin, uncle, aunt, mom, dad etc.

beating up someone because of their race/ethnicity or identity is absolutely insane, never ever resort to violence like that. what if that was a rumor? what if the person you just put on the brink of death was a bait account? what if they were framed? what if they lied? what if that was just a child? what if they were just minding their own business? you did that for what? for no reason at all.

i've lost many friends due to things like this happening, honestly just scroll, it's not that hard. the way that you'll just resort to violence like that is seriously disgusting, im sorry but you were not raised right. you all need to learn how to get over it, there's more to people other than if they're esu or not, it's their life, their decision, what are you really gonna do about it??

don't report, block me please

rest in peace to everyone we've lost and best wishes to everyone who has quit or left social media due to hate.

. . . . .

now that that's been said, let's start !

i hope you enjoy !

﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏

༄ ‧₊˚ ⌇intro to esu:: ↴ ! ❜⸼۰ ꒱

esu : ethnicity subliminal user(s)

what is a subliminal?

subliminals are messages that are delivered to the subconscious mind by means of music, speech or visual stimuli. these messages often contain negative or positive affirmations that are repeated repeatedly in order to reprogram or retrain the mind. subliminals are commonly used in self-improvement programs, weight loss programs and various therapy programs.

how do subliminals work?

subliminals work by bypassing the conscious mind and communicating directly to the subconscious mind. the subconscious mind receives and accepts these messages, if this goes on for a prolonged amount of time (varies), it can influence a person's beliefs, attitudes and behavior and may have a long-term effect on their thoughts, emotions and physical health. subliminal messages can be delivered through a variety of media, including music, videos, affirmations, and visual cues.

what is the law of attraction?

the law of attraction is a spiritual belief that states that positive or negative thoughts and feelings create a corresponding positive or negative energy that attracts or repels similar experiences, events, and people into our lives.

according to the law of attraction, if we focus on positive thoughts and feelings, we are more likely to attract positive experiences and people, and if we focus on negative thoughts and feelings, we are more likely to attract negative experiences and people.

what is manifestation?

manifestation is the process of bringing one's thoughts, feelings, and desires into physical reality. it involves concentrating one's thoughts, attention, and energy on a particular goal or outcome and taking action towards obtaining that outcome, believing that it is already a reality and that the desired result will manifest. manifestation involves having a clear and focused idea of what one wants, consistently holding that idea in one's mind, and taking action to bring it into physical reality.

what are ethnicity subliminals?

ethnicity subliminals are a type of subliminal messaging that uses affirmations, music, or ambient sounds to alter the physical appearance or identity of an individual. these affirmations are aimed at changing a person's ethnicity, and are often used by people who have a desire to look like a different ethnic group. while some believe that ethnicity subliminals can be used to alter one's appearance, many view this as problematic and potentially harmful.

so.. what's an ethnicity subliminal user?

ethnicity subliminal users are individuals who use ethnicity subliminals, to change one's physical appearance, ancestry or identity. these individuals may feel the need to change their appearance to conform to societal standards of beauty (invalid), to fit in with a different group (invalid), or to simply change their appearance to suit their personal preferences.

While some ethnicity subliminal users may see these messages as beneficial, others may view them as problematic and potentially harmful.

when you are esu, you're using these all of these things !

﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏ ﹏

༄ ‧₊˚ ⌇my story :: ↴ ! ❜⸼۰ ꒱

the purpose of me telling you this is so you can compare yourself to me and see if our stories align, i've noticed that most esu have similar childhood experiences.

as a young child, i was always drawn to japan, but i didn't really know why i was fascinated by everything about the country: the language, the food, the fashion, and the architecture. it all seemed to resonate with me on a deeper level, and i would spend hours researching japanese history, traditions, and customs. but i kept these feelings to myself, afraid that others would think i was weird or that they wouldn't understand. i tried to suppress my interests and conform to the expectations of those around me. however, the pull of japan was always there, and i couldn't shake the feeling that there was something about the country that i connected with on a deep level.

my connection to japan and its culture has always been a source of both fascination and confusion for me. i felt drawn to the country and its cultures from a very young age. but i didn't understand why or what it meant. i kept these feelings to myself out of fear that others would judge me or think i was wrong. as i got older, i couldn't shake the feeling that i was different from the people around me. it seemed like everyone around me was comfortable with their race and culture, while i felt like an outsider. i didn't look like my birth race, and i didn't feel like i was a part of it either. i always felt out of place, like there was something wrong with me. i wanted to be japanese, so much so that i would tell people i met that i was. but i didn't know a single word of japanese, so when people would ask me to say something in the language, i would freeze up and feel ashamed. i tried to learn japanese, but as an 8-year-old, i couldn't quite grasp it. i turned to subliminals to try and help me become more japanese, but i wasn't any good at sticking to routines and eventually gave up.

it wasn't until a bit later that i finally started to figure out what was going on. i was depressed and sad, trying on so many different gender identities and sexualities, but nothing ever felt right. i wish i could go back in time and change all of those years of confusion and sadness. but it isn't possible. my connection to japan was always more than just a passing interest; it was a deep-seated fascination that captivated me for years even when i didn't fully understand what it meant. i would daydream about living in japan, surrounded by the culture and the language, and would spend hours researching everything i could about the country, desperate to learn more. but even as i dreamed of becoming fluent in japanese, living in japan, and being part of the culture, i struggled with the guilt of feeling like i was somehow betraying my birth race and identity. i would ignore my birth race's culture, trying to pretend it didn't exist, and would become uncomfortable when others mentioned it.

as a self-proclaimed "anime hater" in 2020 i kept my distance from anything japanese for fear of being associated with the weird and awkward people who idolized the culture. but when the pandemic hit and we were quarantined at home, my curiosity began to get the best of me. with nothing but time on my hands, i started to explore japanese culture through something other than anime, and food. i started to explore the different kinds of sushi and discovered the deliciousness of onigiri, falling in love with the unique flavors and textures that were new to my palette. and even though i tried to ignore it, my obsession with japanese food slowly grew. (love it! #fat) but wasn't just my love for japanese food bun that was changing, as i struggled through the isolation of quarantine, l started to feel very sensitive and empty, like there was a part of me that was missing, even though i thought | had finally figured out my identity, something still seemed wrong.

then, again, i turned to subliminals as a way to find answers. i tried ethnicity subliminals, hoping they would help me figure out where i belonged in the world. but after a short time, i stopped listening to them, feeling like they weren't providing me with the answers i was looking for. and then, it was the summer of 2023. everyone was talking about rcta, something l knew a bit about from when i was young. lt seemed like a crazy fad, and i was one of the people making fun of t butt deep down, i knew that something was still missing. i still hadn't found that place in the world where i felt like i belonged, and i was desperate for answers. and thus began my journey down the rabbit hole of the rcta/esu community. lt started with me simply observing from the side, trying to understand what all the fuss was about. i was intrigued by the concept, but didn't want to go all in just yet.

however, as l spent more time in the community, i began to realize that i felt a strong connection to the esu identity, it was like a missing piece of the puzzle had finally been found! so, l decided to create my discord server, hoping to help others who were also struggling to find their place in the world. at first, i didn't claim to be esu, but rather acted as a supporter, helping others navigate their journeys. with over 800 members, it was like a second home to me. everyone was so supportive and caring, and i felt like i belonged for the first time in a long time. but then things took a turn. i took a short break from discord, only to come back to a complete mess. it was all my fault, apparently, and i felt like i had let everyone down. so i quit that server and started a new one, this time i started posting esu content and started "baiting" as esu japanese.

it wasn't a surprise that i got a lot of hate comments on my tiktok. people seemed to hate the idea of changing races, and they didn't hold back when it came to expressing their opinion. the comments hurt me, but i refused to admit it to

myself instead, i lashed out and doubled down on my beliefs, refusing to see the other side. my mom eventually caught wind of the hate i had been spewing, and she confronted me about it and defended myself. arguing that chänging races were racist but then she asked me a simple question: "how is it racist? they just want to be their true selves." oh, how that question hit me like a truck. i realized that i had been going against everything i had said and everything thought | had ever believed. it was as if a switch flipped inside me, and suddenly, it all made sense, i had to know more, to understand this newfound realization.

so i started researching my culture, devouring every piece of information i could find. i scoured the web for answers, for stories from people who experienced the same thing l did. and every article, every testimony, every piece of information. i felt my identity falling into place. it's been a few months since that realization, and i have never felt more connected to japan. i've learned so much about my culture, from the food to the customs, language and history. i feel a sense of belonging i never thought possible, and a newfound sense of pride in who i live, let's have been a journey, but one that i am grateful for. and know that there's still so much more to learn and discover. but for now, i'm satisfied with my new identity as an esu, and i am proud to be a part of a community that celebrates our cultures and identities.

༄ ‧₊˚ ⌇signs you might be esu:: ↴ ! ❜⸼۰ ꒱

you feel a deep affinity or connection to a culture or ethnicity that is different from your own background.

you have a genuine curiosity and enthusiasm for exploring and learning about different cultures, including their language, traditions, customs, and history.

you may feel like you don't fully belong to or identify with the cultural norms, traditions, or values of your birth culture.

you may desire to integrate elements of the culture you feel connected to into your own life, whether it's through language learning, adopting certain customs or practices, or participating in cultural events.

you have experimented with subliminals or other methods as a way to explore or express your connection to a different ethnicity or culture.

༄ ‧₊˚ ⌇resources:: ↴ ! ❜⸼۰ ꒱

you feel a sense of resonance or belonging when engaging with esu communities or content that explores themes of cultural identity, ethnicity, or belonging.

OR you feel jealous or almost violent when you see these communities^^

if you're feeling this way, please think about why !

https://cryptome.org/2017/05/in-defense-of-transracialism.pdf

˗ ˏ` ᥆ᥙtr᥆. ೄྀ࿐

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

: : : : . . . . . .thank you for reading!

hopefully this changed some perspectives <3

‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿ 下次見 ！. . . . . .

see you next time ! 。。‿‿‿‿ ⌲

♡˖°꒰ @rimoriii is logging off :: . . . .

[yonpote]

another thing is like... under capitalism, business success and wealth begin to alienate you from others who don't have that. and that alienation can feed into greed, like why not keep investing and making business deals and buying expensive stuff? and no one around is really going to call you out because they are either capitalist hacks or maybe people who once struggled who now rely on you.

so like, I don't inherently expect much from creators like dnp who come into money. even though they probably have more financial freedom than many other creators because of all the tours, books, games, etc (because they are good at business!)

so like, as their fans who ultimately are their consumers, I think it's good to call them out, especially because they have shown before that they have good intentions.

am I expecting much from them? no. wealth can be corrupting and speaking out comes with risk to business/career interests. but they have a special relationship with their audience, as we're mostly all fellow queer and neurodivergent people with similar interests. so we can provide feedback and be the ones to try to ground them and be like "hey that wasn't cool please do better." stopping engagement with them and their content entirely doesn't really do anything to help, unless they did something they needed to absolutely be deplatformed for. stopping engagement is a valid personal choice, but when I see stuff that begins to resemble like 'they aren't being activists right now time for everyone to unstan' I'm like... if that makes you feel better, fine, but I would rather parasocially / affectionately be like "hey I expect more from you!" in a way that is constructive. which is something I would want to do with my friends, but the difference is, if my friends didn't change or try to then I probably would distance myself from them. Whereas Dan and Phil are entertainers we don't now irl, we have a different relationship with them. but compared to many other creators, they really do tend to be more sensitive to their audience (which has helped their success).

but so this time the (mostly leftist) phannies calling them out actually got them to do a fundraiser so that's cool! even if it's because of the backlash like, that's what the point of backlash is! we should want people to change behavior. not to just abstractly punish them, for something they could be unlikely to do without pressure. though hopefully it will lead to less instances of having to pressure them.

idk this brings up interesting stuff about parasocial relationships, the transactions between creators and their audience, and capitalism. so of course I had to rant about it for a sec lol.

thats completely true! thank u for the rant lol but yeah i dont want to come across as being like, NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOUR FAV CREATORS it was more like, with dnp specifically we know where their heart is i guess so it can be unnecessary to call for whatever. BUT you're absolutely right in that they probably wouldn't have done a charity stream were it not for pressure from fans. and maybe this is ME being parasocial but i'd like to think that this isn't for damage control or performativism (i mean it is a LITTLE cuz any publicity is a little bit abt looking good) but rather like, putting their money where their mouth is basically! and showing to their core audience like hey we care about this thing too and we fully hear you.

i was thinking about this General concept wrt dnp because i think there have been other moments where dnp were called out about something or criticized for like their more offensive humor and they stopped doing that and educated themselves which is better than most creators who put up fakeass apology videos. ive seen a lot of ppl say they want dan to talk about and apologize for his racist and sexist humor (and honestly only asking dan but not bringing up that phil also had his share of racist jokes) but it's like. at this point what further could he say? he's not a 21 year old shit head anymore (and yeah good for you for being a socially aware 21 y/o in 2024 but that offensive humor literally was just the culture of that time period) and they both have SHOWN that they have grown and even talked about it in like the pinof react video where they talked about "yeah we bullied kristen stewart a lot cuz it was just popular to make fun of her and justin bieber and that really sucks that we did that" like they have changed and shown change! they do not need to make a grand apology statement cuz like if you wanna talk performativism then lets talk about the fakeness of basically every apology video on the internet????

sorry thats unrelated to what u were talking abt but it just made me start thinking BUT YEAH THANK YOU FOR YOUR HOT TAKES!!!!

[lucysweatslove]

Had a wonderful weekend! My best friend drove down and we spent Saturday and Sunday morning together. I got two new squishmallows, we got Korean food, she dyed my hair for me, and we did two puzzles together (including a 1000pc Harley Quin that we barely finished in time before she had to leave). After she left I got my Covid shot and then went to a concert with Husband.

Today I had my 4th block exam, got another A, yay. I love when I do well while maintaining a good balance of home/friend life.

I know I ranted about this a little last week, but I don’t really like it when the lecturers or block leads tell us how well we did on the exam as a whole compared to other cohorts. We’ll hear that for raw scores, the school-wide the average was an 82% and that we were the highest average cohort at an 86%- and that always prompts celebration for being the best. I’ve already discussed why this irks me… but today it particularly irks me.

First I’m annoyed by this: my classmates seemed disappointed about the test and felt it was harder with weird or confusing wording, and the discussion of how well we did was offered as a consolation, like “yes, it was a hard test, but at least you did better than the rest of the school.” I’m a staunch believer that emotions deserve to be felt and understood even if based on cognitive distortions, and that we need to do the feeling and understanding before we can address the distortion. I won’t ever tell somebody they are wrong to be disappointed when they didn’t do as well s they are used to. But I feel like the issue here is that there is an expectation that our class average be around an A, and instead of addressing the issue of high performance expectations overall stemming from hyper competitiveness, the consolation is still “you did better than other classes” which makes it into a competition.

“It’s okay this test was hard, you still crushed the competition.” Except it’s not a competition, and 86% is still a firm pass in the coursework. Why not just say “this test was designed to be a little harder to show you more of where your own knowledge or understanding deficits are. We don’t expect an A average- it’s another learning opportunity. I am still so proud of how hard you have worked and the knowledge you have gained this week.”

Another reason this bothers me: 1.5 questions isn’t a lot, but when it’s framed as 82 vs 86%, it feels like a lot. Tests are usually made harder to increase discriminatory power for high-performers by removing discriminatory power for low-performers, often done by increasing the “order” of the question (think applying knowledge or synthesizing multiple knowledge points together vs simply regurgitating info). When you get to those kinds of tests, what does a difference in 1.5 questions correct on average really mean? It could mean our students are more well-rested or well-nourished, or that they studied an additional 2 hours, or we just so happened to have hammered in one niche knowledge point that showed up on the test, or that we all speak English as our first language, or that we have one less “low performer” and one more “high performer” than another cohort… etc etc.

It also irks me because I know that scores vary pretty wildly within a cohort. A person eking by with a 71% might feel really shitty after hearing about the test even though they may have done “poorly” because they were sick the prior week or got a migraine before the test and couldn’t move it. Or maybe they were feeling emotionally down and needed to prioritize their mental wellness. Or whatever it is. Everybody responds to pressure differently, but I honestly don’t know a single person who truly responds better to harsh criticism and guilt vs constructive criticism given with empathy, understanding, and encouragement. If we truly want to support the “below average” students- of which, many are by definition (this depends on type of average taken and std deviation and such)- then we need to understand that the competitiveness probably isn’t helping as much as another approach could.

[paganblog490]

DNI: People who don't respect paganism as a spirituality/religion or any other spirituality/religion really, transphobes, TERFs, transandrophobes, transmysoginists, sexists in general DNI, homophobes, racists, fascists, neo nazis, proshippers

Hi, you can call me Jacob. It's not my real name, but it's better than calling me 'you' lol. I'm 18, I'm a trans man, but I'm also half agender (he/it are both acceptable pronouns for me, that's all you need to understand) and I'm pagan. I'm a pisces, so a water element (I don't believe in personality astrology though). In temrs of Magick, I'm drawn to the dead primarily, but also the moon. My patron dieties are Arawn (Welsh God of the Dead) and Arianrhod (Welsh Goddess of the Moon). This blog will be about my journey as a pagan with tips here and there and also me asking for tips occasionally. Also me ranting a lot and telling my personal experiences. I may talk about my wife here and there if she consents to it. Idk what her alias is gonna be yet. If you don't respect my spirituality or gender identity, DNI. If you do respect me, but you would like to politely inform me on something I may be doing wrong, be my guest, I'm always open to hear constructive criticism.

So now for the elephant in the room. Unfortunately, there's an alt right wave across the globe at the moment and there's fascism hidden in many places we might not expect, including paganism. Please, PLEASE, help me avoid it as much as possible. I am white, more specifically of Welsh ancestry, and therefore more susceptible to red flags flying over my head, so please point them out to me if I don't notice them.

[literarypotatous]

The Little Us

<unedited>

When I told my friend that I could feel it when people saw me as a bad person—the bitchy-faced, uninteresting, annoying, and every unpretty thing ever—she always said something along the lines of "No, you're not. You're unique, blah, blah, blah." It reassured me sometimes, but it wasn't enough to comfort me because she was the one who told me that.

She is too nice. The nicest person I've ever known. I feel like she can see me differently because it's her. It might be a nice thing. But it feels like she got her ability to sense unpretty things turned off. I got the ugliest personality that she couldn't sense. That makes me feel secure. I value her a lot because of that. And that's why we get along. But still, it doesn't erase the fact that I do have an ugly personality.

I always wonder what made me like this. I always wonder what went wrong in my life journey. Whose fault is that, and who is even in the right?

I hated my mom and dad, but I couldn't deny that they did good things for me too. Better than some other parents even. Some of my friends envied me for that. But still, I think some of the things they did to me ruined my life too.

My mom, she has a bad temper. My dad, he is so quiet and doesn't quite know how to express himself. I hate it when they argue. My mom would tell my dad what she didn't like and suggest things, and my dad would be silent—because he didn't like the idea. But he didn't discuss it either. He almost never said bad things, but sometimes, he'd tell my mom that she complained a lot.

Now, it might sound like my dad is in the wrong, but not necessarily. My mom did complain quite a lot, but I think she did her best to express it in the most diplomatic way. Sometimes she even gave up. One thing she could improve is the way she suggests her ideas. Sometimes, they sounded like requests or commands. She could change it into a question format, it sounds more like a suggestion. But it's not that bad, to be honest. So, where is the bad part?

The bad part is that my mom murmured her complaints quite loudly so everyone else could hear them. Not in a diplomatic way, obviously. She was ranting to herself. And that made everyone else who was not involved frustrated too. Well, I was, if not everyone. It ruined my day. I'd try helping her out because I hated her complaining so much. But if it didn't go as she expected, she'd be frustrated too. Lose-lose situations. I once told her about that, and she was upset. And of course she murmured it loudly on my back, like she always did. Like I didn't just tell her about that a minute ago. Instead of taking it as constructive criticism, she just went sad, saying people wouldn't understand her.

It's not entirely wrong though. Maybe I was not too understanding. I shouldn't have invalidate her feelings of wanting to be understood. But it wasn't my intention. My main goal was to tell her that one thing is wrong, and I wanted her to work on that one thing—which is not her complain. I don't mind her having some complaints, but just tell them in a way that could ruin other people day. A good and calm communication. That's all I wanted.

What made me even more frustrated was that I saw myself in her. I hated her, but it's like hating myself too. It's like I don't deserve to hate her. Well, maybe I actually don't. I have bad communication too. I almost always had a bad temper whenever I talked to her, including when I told her about her complaining habits. My suggestions for her didn't reflect the way I behave. So of course she didn't feel good when I did that to her.

And this is all my rant is about. I resent my parents for my bad communication, bad temper, bad social skills, and detachment issues. I am also bad at managing my emotions, just like my mom. I am bad at expressing my wants and needs, just like my dad. I hated them for being like that and making me like this. And I hated that I couldn't hate them as much as I wanted because I am literally just their carbon copy.

They hurt the little me. And I grew up with that wound.

But then I wondered if the little them were hurt too, and they also grew up with that.

But can't we just heal together? Heal the little us in our adult iron cases.

[forever-fan]

We Need to Talk About Child Authors

I'm gonna rant a little, so I apologize in advance, but I feel like people need to hear this.

People are too hard on the writings of thirteen-year-olds. Yeah, some are shit, but some kids create masterpieces. Truth be told if you look at all the fics on my AO3, some of the first few chapters were written when I was thirteen or fourteen. The only thing I changed was the spelling of a couple of words.

I wrote an eleven-page narrative for my seventh grade Honors English class. I wrote a six-page narrative when I was in fifth grade. I also wrote two pages for a "five paragraph" narrative piece that same year.

I spent a good chunk of my childhood being praised by teachers for my writing and constantly begging those same teachers to let me write narratives because opinion/argumentative/informative things felt so draining and lifeless. I was good at the opinion/argumentative/informative curriculum, don't get me wrong, but I hated it with a passion.

My parents pulled me aside in fifth grade and asked me if I ever thought of being an author. At the time, I really hadn't. My dream had always been acting or singing because society made it seem that was all kids could do. You can spot many actors who got their start as children, but you never hear about published authors younger than about 20. I truly hadn't realized that I could be an author at my age.

Kids aren't always shit at writing and it truly pains me when everyone lumps children together. They're not stupid and some have serious talent. Maybe we, as a society, should introduce kids to books (actual interesting ones) and let them pick what they read rather than forcing them to conform to societal expectations of literary works. Maybe then we would have more young authors.

Maybe if we gave constructive criticism rather than calling teen writers dumb and childish, we'd hear about young authors as often as young actors.

I'd rather hear about the books that kids have in their minds than what is practically child labor in Hollywood. I'd rather see authors grow early on and make actual pay before they're old and grey. I think society would benefit from the creativity of children.

The moral of this post is basically, kids aren't dumb as bricks and y'all are just shitty people. Stop being prejudiced against the youth of our world. They aren't as ignorant and naive as you believe.

[thearchivistsjournal]

Day 274,

Morning thought: If Cass handles late nights anything like I do, I worry the thing that will give her away is being tired the next morning.  Good thing I impressed on her that she needs to stop sneaking out at night.  Okay, “impressed on her” might be optimistic, but if I can talk James into letting her resume her apprenticeship when classes start next week then she shouldn’t have a reason to.

*******

Just finished talking with James.  Looks like we should be good to go when school starts back up.  To my surprise, James both admitted to the current keeping her at home as being a punishment and to feeling guilty about dragging it on so long.  The subject of whether or not I was a bad influence was avoided.  In that same spirit of burying disagreement and moving on, I’ll refrain from too much of a rant here on my personal opinions of his decisions.

So, good for Cass being able to resume training for an occupation contributing to the Village (although I half suspect that James is low-key hoping she’ll get bored with this and find something else), and good for me for having an assistant again.  I’ve been afraid to admit it, but I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle a schoolroom full of children again without help.  I mean, sure, the past archivists probably did it just fine, as did teachers in the world of my past life, but I know where my strengths and weaknesses lie by now.

Shifting focus from the future to the past, as I mentioned earlier, Cass did in fact show up last night.  She was pretty proud of the work she’d done with the syllabic breakdown on the cathedral chant, and rightly so.  Sadly, my counterpart “homework” of word length analysis of Iole’s book was not nearly so complete nor thorough for us to run a comparison.  I’ll try to do more of that over the next few days.

That said, it made for a convenient excuse to do a test run of the story for the equinox.  Not that I needed an excuse or justification, but having one makes me feel better.  At any rate, Cass was less disappointed by the change in plans than I feared.  If anything, she seemed eager, although whether that was eager to hear the story or eager to pick it apart for (constructive) criticism I’m not sure.

And there were certainly very fair criticisms to be had.  As I feared, some parts didn’t translate well from written to spoken, particularly the back and forth dialogues between the princess and the sword.  And while that issue in particular might be alleviated by having a secondary teller like Cass and I have experimented with in the past, if James isn’t expecting her to see me again until the Equinox, that doesn’t work out so well.  And then there’s an argument to be made that a single teller doing both parts is more appropriate thematically anyway.  

Of course, there were other issues to be addressed as well.  Structure, pacing, clear conveyance of theme, etc.  We spent what time we had discussing all of it and I’ve got notes in my other notebook for it.  I'll be taking that feedback into account when I do my next test run with Vernon this evening.  Speaking of which, I should probably wrap this up so I can get some actual work done before then.  And maybe tidy up a bit.  He’ll be coming over here and I’ll be the one providing dinner for once.  Not that I have anything to cook with, but most of the food I get in payment for archival services either doesn’t need it or is cooked already.

*******

That went well.  He liked it, which is nice.  Actually had to push a bit to get any criticism (constructive or otherwise) out of him.  I think I’m going to be up for a while longer yet, writing down some more notes on what we talked about (in the work notebook).

<==Previous          Next==>

[writernopal]

It might seem counterintuitive (and maybe not the answer either of you want to hear) but take a break!

Being critical of your work is okay but being too pointed in your criticism (ie, Is this good enough? What's the point of all this? No one is going to like it, etc) is no longer constructive. It seems like the natural thing to get out of this would be to gas yourself up about your work (and you absolutely should!) but if you're so stuck in this mindset that can be really hard to do. There is no shame in that! You're only human! So take a step back and rest for a while. A fresh and rested perspective is kinder and more clear-headed than an overworked and worried one.

Similarly if you find yourself dreading to read your work then you definitely need to take some time away from it! There can be parts of the process that we dislike but the feeling of dread usually indicates there is something else going on. I'd encourage you (when you have the capacity and energy to do so) to do some digging to figure out why you dread that thing so much. The cause might not be super clear right away (that's okay!) and it might really just be that a break is all you need but if it's not, vent/rant/talk to someone about it! I guarantee if you talk to a fellow writer about it, they will have some kind words for you or even be able to relate to you in some way! You are certainly not the first person (and definitely not the last) to experience writing woes so don't feel like you have to go it alone.

I hope this helps in some way! Please remember to be kind to yourselves 💙

Whenever writer's block hits me and I start thinking that my story might not be that great, it lacks so many details and the themes aren't clear and the characters may not be lovable enough

I pause

and ask myself

Am I overthinking again?

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Tbh I feel myself being drawn in by your analysis and perspectives on twst rather than your general headcannons and one shots (no criticism on your writing at all btw! Your writing is absolutely lovely and I could go on a rant on how much I love it-which I am now seriously considering) nothing compares to opening up tumblr and getting a huge surge of dopamine when you post a personal thought. The quality and the manner in which you articulate your thoughts so sophisticated and well written, your points just glide right off the page. Even thought I might not necessarily agree with all your points personally, I still feel excited to read up on whatever you post because it’s such a deep dive into a character’s motivations, personal issues, etc. or how a ploy should have functioned that I find myself convinced by the ending of the post and agreeing with you. And even if I have seen a certain point before stated by someone else, hearing you go into your own personal reasons and often going into even more detail than other people i have seen before makes my heart pound out of my chest istg; everytime an new event comes around I immediately start waiting for your thoughts and what you enjoyed and what you think would be improved. You’re such a fantastic writer and I wish I could find the words to give the praise you deserve. ahahaha….i hope that didn’t come off as too intense or fanboyish..

Uwawawawawawawawah… (〃▽〃) Thank you very much, Anon!!!

It’s not every day when I receive such lengthy and detailed feedback for my work, so I really appreciate it!! I actually really like receiving asks like this, as it gives me something substantial and meaningful to chew on, reflect on, and incorporate into my writing as I move forward.

I’m happy that you’re enjoying both my creative writing and my more analytical/theory posts (I’ve been doing more of the latter lately because I’ve been busy with irl things 😅)! Depending on my mood, sometimes I find analysis and theory posts more entertaining to write than creative pieces are.

I’ve always been an advocate for being critical of the media one consumes, and that means sharing thoughts and inviting differing opinions in so that everyone comes out of it with something new. It also means being okay with constructive criticism—realizing that you can love something while also being unhappy with aspects of it and wishing for better. You don’t necessarily need to overanalyze everything to enjoy it, but I find that doing so brings entire new worlds’ worth of meaning to me. Analysis is what I personally choose to do (others may not and just wish to enjoy the franchise casually, which is equally as valid).

I just hope that by mindfully sharing my own thoughts and rambles, I can impart some of that wisdom onto the TWST fandom at large. I want to encourage intellectual discussion about the characters we love and how the lessons TWST teaches us can apply to the real world. I want to open minds to the possibilities that the rich world of Twisted Wonderland has to offer.

I’m always eager for new content 😌 and I’m just as eager to word vomit my thoughts on that new content out. jxhsvsjsbjwns I didn’t realize that people (like you, Anon!) actually looked forward to it; I feel like I mainly make posts on new content for my own records (so I can retroactively look at it later and wonder “what was I thinking back then???”)… but I’m happy that my ramblings were noticed and deemed to have value.

Maybe I really am making a little bit of a change through my writing 😌 Maybe… my words really have reached someone.

What a nice thought~

[andreafmn]

I'm Not Afraid - Chapter 6

Word Count: 3,753

Characters: Female Reader Argent Character, Original Male Argent Character, Derek Hale, Allison Argent, Scott McCall, Stiles Stilinski, Isaac Lahey, Lydia Martin, Chris Argent, Jackson Whittemore

Story Description: (Y/N) Argent arrived at Beacon Hills to put to rest her father’s sister, Kate Argent. For the first time, her family has decided to settle down and sustain a life in this interesting small town. After 17 years, (Y/N) has the opportunity to establish interpersonal relationships but will she be ready to face the complications that come with relating to her cousin’s, Allison, friends; especially, the infamous Derek Hale. She will face the adventure of being associated with the Derek and McCall pack as well as being faced with the discovery of certain aspects of her life she never imagined.

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Teen Wolf, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Jeff Davis and MTV Network. The only thing I own is Argent Reader insert, her immediate family, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ storyline.

Chapter: 6/?

Warnings: mentions of murder, arson, and blood

A/N: The ending is dark, y'all, dark. If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

TikTok • Instagram • Business

<- Previous | Next ->

Chapter 6

I followed my father inside the house, my hands trembling and sweating. The only topic I believed they would seriously need to talk to me about was the supernatural and the family business. Just as I had told Derek, if I hadn’t met him and Scott, I would have probably joined without a second thought. But I had met them, I had been embraced by them, and I didn’t know what I was going to answer.

I sat across from my parents on the kitchen’s island. They seemed excited, but a bit anxious. Obviously, revealing to your daughter the existence of supernatural beings and the fact that the whole family hunted them wasn’t an easy task. At least, she already knew the most hard-hitting information and she wouldn’t feel blindsided.

“Honey, what we have to tell you is very important, and we don’t want you to feel like we have been keeping this from you on purpose,” my mother started. “But you need to understand that everything we have to say today is nothing but the truth. Okay?”

“Guys, what is it? You’re scaring me.”

“You know that all Argents work at the family company, Argent Arms International, and that at some point you’d probably end up working there.”

“Yeah, dad. The reason I know too much about weapons,” I laughed. I couldn’t let on that I knew more than they thought.

“Well, the company is actually a front for the real work we do behind the scenes, and the reason we’re on the road a lot,” my father started. “Since the start of our lineage Argents have been hunters.”

“Hunters of what?”

“Now, I need you to remember that what I am about to tell you is the full honest truth.” I nodded. “We hunt supernatural creatures, but mainly werewolves. You remember the tattoo I have on my arm that you asked about when you were younger?”

“Yeah, ‘Nous chassons ceux qui nous chassent’. French, we hunt those who hunt us. I always thought it was more of a psychological phrase.”

“That’s our family mantra. All Argent generations have been trained since childhood to become hunters one day, Chris and I were the only ones that decided to give you and Allison the choice once you became teenagers to know about our world. It’s completely up to you to join us.”

“So, all the training, physical and with weapons, was all in preparation for this?” My father nodded. I could see the worry in his face of how I would take this news – a one-worded answer was going to shift my whole life. It was one thing to be knowledgeable of this life, it was another to be in the center of all of it.

“We run by a code,” my father explained. “We only hunt those who have been proven to have harmed innocent lives – only adults, no young ones, and no humans. Any hunter that breaks that code is an enemy to our cause.”

“Is that what aunt Kate did?” I spoke in a hushed tone knowing this was a difficult topic for my father, one that we hadn’t touched upon in the time we had been here.

“Yes, it is” my mother answered. Her dislike towards her sister-in-law wasn’t a secret. Mom had always thought of her as arrogant and self-centered – or so she would state when in an alcohol-induced rant.

“Unfortunately, my sister did break the code, but that’s beside the point,” dad interjected. “Sweetheart, we make sure that everyone around us is protected from the creatures that are unknown. So, what do you think? Do you want to join us?”

They both studied my face, waiting on any reaction that could arise from me. All I could think is how my decision could affect the people that had made their way into my life. Allison had accepted, and although her relationship with Scott was strained, she still managed to keep him close. But what if I accepted and all it did was deteriorate all the new relationship I was trying to build?

“Yes.”

After the conversation, my father warned me that training would start soon, after I passed some sort of test. They were happy that I had agreed to join the family trade, but I noticed a sign of worry in my father’s eyes. His whole life had been built around supernatural hunting, so what was he worried about? Whatever it was, he did not express. They had both been called away on a meeting and excused themselves before leaving. With the house to myself, I basked in my decision sitting on the living room couch, petting Brody.

“What do you think, bub? Did I make the right choice?” Brody looked up at me, his tongue hanging out, a smile on his face. A bark came after and I took it as confirmation that I had. “Maybe you’re right. We’ll see, huh? Should I call Derek and tell him?”

At the sound of Derek’s name, Brody barked out happily. I laughed at his reaction and decided to call Derek. It still surprised me that Brody had taken to Derek so quickly – probably had to do with him being a werewolf and an alpha. I clicked on his contact on my phone and waited on speaker for him to pick up.

“Hello?” His voice rang out, exciting Brody once more. “Hey, buddy!”

“He’s been very excited to hear from you.”

“I can see,” he chuckled. “I can assume you made it home safely?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“What’s wrong? You sound weird.”

“How can you possibly deduct my tone from over the phone?”

“Intuition, you could say. But seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Well, my parents talked to me about the family business,” I breathed out, nerves building up inside. I didn’t know what his reaction would be, and I hope my decision wouldn’t push him away. “They asked me to join them.”

“And what did you say?” He already knew the answer. Asking was just courtesy.

“I said yes.” He kept quiet for a second, and I truly believed I had ruined our relationship before anything had ever started. “Are you mad?”

“I can’t be mad. I understand why you did it, they’re your family. Why would you think I would be mad?”

“I don’t know. I’m gonna be actively working on hunting you and your kind, that would put a strain on any kind of relationship.”

“And what kind of relationship would that be?” He teased.

“Derek, this is serious. What kind of relationship could we have when we’re born enemies?”

“Allison and Scott seem to make it work. It’s hard, but it’s not impossible.”

“So, sneaking around, worrying every second that we’d be found out by hunters. Seems viable,” I snickered. “And in no way, shape, or form stressful. Believe me, Derek, I have enough anxiety as it is. I don’t need the stress of keeping all my relationships secret.”

“Do you have any other choice?”

“I guess I don’t.”

“The way I see it, (Y/N), is you can use this opportunity and work for both sides. You can protect us from the inside, and hunt those that are a real threat. Like the Kanima,” he stated. It made sense to work with my family to protect my friends, even if my family was hunting them. “And, as much as I hate saying this, you should talk to Allison about this. She seems to be handling this way better than I thought.”

“I will. Thanks, Derek. I’ll call you soon, okay?”

“I’ll be waiting. Sleep well, (Y/N).”

“You too, Derek.”

I hung up the phone and breathed out. My life had turned a lot more complicated than I had ever imagined, and I was sure it was going to turn a lot worse. I had just started dipping my toes in the supernatural pot we were living in, something told me that there was still so much that I didn’t know. And there was one person I knew would have the answers I was seeking.

I grabbed my jacket off the coat rack and got on my motorcycle, a clear route ingrained in my brain. The night was cold, and the breeze nipped at my skin as it blew under my shirt. There was so much I had to learn, and so little time.

The drive wasn’t long, and I was still surprised I remembered the way.

The lights in the McCall house were off, but the car was in front, so I assumed Scott was home. I would have gone to Allison, but I needed to know everything, and I was sure she would try to protect me from the worst of it. Scott seemed like someone I could trust, and being at the center of everything gave him a lot more insight that I could use. I looked around the house and, remembering which room was his, found a way to climb up the side to his window. Hopefully, I didn’t encounter something I didn’t want to see.

Looking away, I knocked on his window – loud enough for him to hear, but silent enough to not alarm his mom. I clutched my jacket tighter as I waited for an answer, the wind finding me easier on higher ground. It didn’t take long for the window to slid open, revealing a very confused Scott.

“(Y/N)?” He rubbed sleep off his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you. Can I come in?”

“Sure.” He stepped aside and let me through. His room was messier than the last time I had seen it, and the bed was disheveled. On his desk, his computer was propped open, and a disarray of papers lived atop the wooden surface.

“Sorry for waking you, but this couldn’t wait.”

“Don’t worry. I couldn’t sleep anyway,” he chuckled. A lopsided smile taking place on his face. “So, what’s up?”

“Tonight, I was asked by my parents to join the hunters, and I agreed. But, going into this, I’m the one that knows the least about this world. Apart from Lydia, that is. I need to know everything you know about what we are up against. I don’t think our parents would have asked Allison and me to join now unless we were facing something truly dangerous.”

“Okay, I get it. And please don’t take this the wrong way, but why are you asking me and not Allison or even Derek? It seems like they would be the natural choice to ask about this.”

“Because they would try to shield me from the most dangerous aspects of what’s happening. Hopefully, you being a third party you’ll be truly honest about the situation we are in.” My tone came out friendly, but the underlying threat was evidently laced with it.

“Alright, where do you want me to start?”

“I want to know everything. No detail left out.”

“For me, this all started last year…”

And everything I learned. Scott had been bitten by Peter Hale, Derek’s uncle, who was alpha at the time. Most of last year he spent learning about his new werewolf life, which he believed he was alone in, until Derek, who came from a long line of werewolves that resided in Beacon Hills. The very same family my aunt had murdered. When he explained that part of Derek’s history, I couldn’t help but tear up. How could he ever stand being near me when my own blood had done that to him? Ripped him from his family in such a horrifying manner. I knew she had killed people but knowing that Derek was one of the survivors made my stomach knot.

He also told me how Derek came to be the alpha, and how Peter had held the alpha title also. And how my aunt had truly died. Everyone’s stories seemed to bundle into the same mess of supernatural chaos.

“Then, Jackson asked for the bite, which Derek gave him. And the thing about the bite, you sometimes turn into something other than a werewolf due to internal issues you could say. So, he became the Kanima, which is a lizard type-creature that looks for a master as we just recently learned. His main objective is to do as his master commands, and in his case, it's killing a bunch of people. He also secretes a venom that paralyzes people, but it didn’t work on you and Lydia.” Me? “Which was really weird – Lydia, we think it has something to do with Peter biting her. But you, we’re not sure. Because there’s no indication as to why you could possibly be immune. Unless you’re not human, but that would mean that Lydia’s not human either, and that doesn’t make sense.”

“Okay, Scott. You’re rambling,” I chuckled dryly, stopping him in his track. How he talked for so long, I did not understand. I believed Stiles was the only one with that ability. “How could you know that I was immune though? I haven’t had any contact with the Kanima or this venom.”

“Well, actually, the day we were making rock crystals in lab, Isaac had left some venom on Lydia’s crystal. You weren’t supposed to taste it, but it was a surprise when nothing happened to you. Have you ever been in contact with any other supernatural beings?”

“Seeing as I didn’t even know my parents were hunters, it’s safe to assume I haven’t. But I think finding out why I am the way I am is at the bottom of the list with this Kanima going around.”

“Yeah, and your family is making it very hard to do so when they’re actively hunting us.”

“They can’t be, they run by a code, and you guys are innocent.”

“But your grandfather doesn’t care. He lifted the code. He’s on a rampage towards all supernatural creatures, us included. They’re even keeping an eye on us at school – with Gerard running it and Victoria being our new teacher.”

“But we have the upper hand in learning about the Kanima, right? I mean, if my family is actively recruiting the younger ones, it means they are up against a threat they don’t know about, and we have the bestiary translated.”

“Kind of. I just have a feeling Gerard knows a lot more than he lets on.”

“Can’t really give insight on a person I don’t know. But anything I find out I’ll be sure to pass it along,” I smiled. “I still can’t believe all of this was happening right under my nose. How did I not notice?”

“It’s easy to ignore when you don’t know it exists. If I hadn’t been in the forest that night, I would be as in the dark as you were.”

“I guess so,” I smiled. “Thank you, Scott. For your honesty, and for trusting me with this information.”

“You’re one of us now, (Y/N). We look out for our own.”

“Thank you, Scott. I’ll leave you now to hopefully catch up on some rest. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

“Of course, (Y/N). We’re gonna meet up with Allison in the library to talk about the Kanima. I think it’d be good for you to be there.”

“I will.” My body was outside the house, squatting in front of the window. “Again, thanks, Scott. It’s good to know I have a friend looking out for us.”

“Don’t mention it, (Y/N).” He smiled, scratching his neck trying to hide the blush that had crept to his face. “Get home safe.”

I felt uneasy the whole ride back home. I truly couldn’t fathom how Derek old even spend a second with me after everything my family had put him through. My stomach hadn’t stopped turning, and I felt like I could throw up at any second. He didn’t deserve to have to look at a person that resembled the person that had screwed up his life. The tears started streaming from my eyes before I could stop them. It didn’t feel right, and it wasn’t right.

Somehow I made it back home. I had blacked out at some point and was moving out of muscle memory. I was glad my parents had not made it back home yet — I could let tears cascade without having to hide them. Allison and I had always looked up to our aunt. To us, she presented herself as a confident, independent, and badass woman. I still remember how one Christmas Allison and I had gotten into her clothes and pretended to be her. When Kate found us, she couldn’t help but laugh at the two little irks in front of her. She questioned what we were doing and we told her we wanted to be just like her. I recalled how I told her I wanted to grow up to be her. There’s nothing I wouldn’t have done to take that back. Had I know back then what I knew now, I would have stayed as far away from her.

“This family is all types of messed up. Huh, Brody?” My dog looked up at me, a questioning glance on his face. “What am I gonna do, bub? I don’t think I’m strong enough to face him. I really don’t.”

Brody barked, leaving kisses on my cheeks — a nimble approach to getting rid of my tears. I snuggled closer to him, enjoying his comforting presence. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep well tonight.

I was standing in the middle of Derek’s family home, the only light coming from the moon peeking through the clouds. It was a cold night, and the low temperature was seeping into my bones. My whole body ached and the air smelled of soot. I felt uneasy standing there. Now knowing its history, my heart clenched tightly. I could only imagine the pain that had ensued in what I presumed was an agonizingly slow death. The tears that escaped from my eyes burned into my skin, and my ears rang with an unknown high pitch. I kneeled on the floor, and attempt to catch m breath.

“It hurts doesn’t it?” I stood up, the unknown voice startling me. “The smell is the worst part.”

“Aunt Kate.”

“The screams weren’t that bad,” she chuckled. “They died down quickly. There’s so much screaming you can do when smoke fills your lungs.”

“Stop,” I sobbed. “Please.”

“I can just imagine them thinking it was a normal afternoon, and then the fire starts. You know, wooden houses are a very good catalyst to speed up a fire.”

“Stop.”

“(Y/N), come on.” Kate was grinning, a sinister smile that would have anyone shivering. “It’s only a matter of time before you do something similar. You and I have always been the most alike — centered, strong, morally grey. It’s in your blood, baby girl. At first, you’re gonna believe you’re on their side, but soon you’ll see that they’re all bad. Sooner or later they all spill innocent blood. It’s better to get them when they’re fresh, it’s so much easier”

“How can you talk like that? These are people’s lives you are talking about.”

“It’s different, sweetheart. They’re not normal, they’re a living abomination,” she rationalized. “This is all a game of power. We can’t allow them to have the upper hand. If we let that happen, they’ll overtake us, and there is a natural order to things.”

“Is that why you murdered a whole family of innocent beings? The family of a kid you tricked to fall for you, leaving him alone to suffer!” I yelled, the loudness hurting my throat. “You tricked Derek and used him to end his line. Why?”

“A pack is only as strong as its number. The bigger they are, the stronger they are. I was just doing my job,” she grinned. “Just like you did.”

“What are you talking about? I would never do something as heartless as you have.”

“Are you sure, honey? Why don’t you walk through that door and say that again.”

I stared at her like a deer stuck in headlights. My body shook as I slowly made my way to the dark front door of the house. Her eyes burned into every step I took, the sinus eerie grin still prominent on her face. With every step, her stare edging me on forward. There was a scene to unfold behind that door, and she was eager for me to see it.

I stretched my hand towards the doorknob but flinched when I felt the burning temperature it held. Kate said nothing as she encouraged me to open the door, daring me to face whatever I had to with just her gaze. I braced myself for the feeling and clasped my hand around the knob, turning it to reveal whatever it was that she wanted me to see.

The scene in front of me was heartbreaking. We now stood in front of Derek’s apartment complex, his loft lit aflame. The smell of ash was more prominent and the heat was almost unbearable. I tried to run into the building, the need to help any survivors growing in me. But Kate held me back, a painful grip holding onto my arm.

“Let me go!” I yelled through tears. “I need to save my friends.”

“Darling, don’t you get it?” She chuckled. “They’re all gone. All thanks to you. Look at your hands, honey.”

I did as she told, and my breath hitched in my throat when I did. My clothes were drenched in blood, and in my hands, I carried a bloody knife and a lighter. “No, I would never do this.”

“You already did.” She pointed forward, fixing my sight on the bodies that laid on the floor of the lot. “And some of them were innocent, too. But in war, there are always casualties. I mean, your cousin sided with them, and look how she ended up.”

I walked around the bodies, trying to find a sign of life in any of them as a flood of tears streamed out of my ducts.

Scott.

Stiles.

Lydia.

Isaac.

Allison.

Even Boyd and Erica were there.

But I didn’t see one important person. “Where’s Derek?” My voice croaked, barely the volume of a whisper.

“Who do you think is inside the building? It’s a fitting end for him. Dying in the way he shucked have years ago,” she laughed maniacally. “At least he’ll relate to his family when he gets to the other side.

“NO!” Once again I tried to run into the building, needing to risk my ice to save his. But she stopped name in my tracks once more, her grip tightening. “Let me go, please. Just let me go, I have to save him.”

“Honey, he’s already gone,” she scoffed. “Don’t you get it, sweetheart? There are only two ways this will end — it’s either you or them. And the sooner you accept it, the easier it will be; you are just like me.”

Tag List: @hellowinterlane​ @lokisgoddesofpower​ @mersuperwholocked-lowlife @malar-region @sunshine-flower

[thespineoftherighteous]

when it comes to studying and school in general, aaron, kevin and Dan are the most intense and thus: headcannons

the reason that they put more effort in their studies than the other foxes varies between them:

kevin is a borderline perfectionist and it only makes sense that his grades are immaculate

aaron is really smart and dives into his studies because for one he enjoys it and for another he likes having something that he is in control of

dan never cared too much about grades in high school (exy was the only important thing) but when wymack gave her psu as a ticket out of her old life, she swore to herself that she wouldn't waste it and she's not about to lose her foxes by throwing her scholarship away

they study together a lot because it helps them get into a productive mindset and they're also good with helping each other out in different subjects of their core classes

aaron is the designated science boy (the likes of which i will never understand but it's aaron so I'll let it slide) and I'm pretty sure it's canon that kevin studies history and it is my belief that dan is really good at writing and English in general

they usually hold their study sessions in either their claimed corner in the library or in aarons room

matt has learned by now to stay out of their way and he usually either reads on the couch or goes to play video games with neil and nicky ("you could study yourself you know" *he just smiles sweetly at dan and blows her a kiss*)

when aaron has to write a paper, it's common to find his drafts littered with kevin's "constructive criticism" (he insists on using a red pen because he's a prentitious ass) and dan's more practical corrections

dan has a complicated relationship with chemistry but finds aarons explanations far easier to understand than her dipshit professors

he ends up teaching her like half the course but he doesn't mind because he likes chemistry and he likes the feeling of explaining things and he won't admit it because he is also an ass but he likes dan because she's smart and she's willing to work hard and he respects that

kevin is appalled the first time he sees dans notes because she only writes in pen and has no problem scribbling things out which sCANDalizes kevin who will rewrite his notes three times if necessary because he can't study from them unless they're neat

during midterms and finals, their sessions become more chaotic and it's not uncommon to see them drowning in a sea of books, papers and writing utensils

once during an exam period, kevin spent five minutes looking for his highlighter before dan just silently pointed to her ear and he found it tucked behind his

aaron gets annoyed when kevin and dan don't ease off practices around exams and brings it up every time one of them so much as sighs about their workload (kevin: *groans* Aaron: well you know you wouldn't be so- kevin: give it uP aaron we have to WIN dan: boys, shut UP *they both glare at her* dan: thank you! now aaron what does this mean...)

they all have certain habits that they subconsciously do when studying: aaron puts his pen between his teeth when he's reading and bites on it when he's thinking, dan plays with the corner of the page and pulls at her hair when she's frustrated with a problem, kevin's fingers are always tapping and he clicks his pen quickly right before he figures out a concept (the pen clicking doesn't bother aaron or dan but if one of them so much as clicks their pen twice, kevin looks murderous)

eventually they become familiar with the others systems and don't even use full sentences when they need things from each other.. matt is very confused the first time he hears a conversation between the three of them that consisted of exactly eight words

they know each other's dunkin orders and at least once a session one of them will grab their phone to send a text and fifteen minutes later one of the foxes or katelyn shows up to drop off lattes and espressos

also, sometimes matt will find them hours after he left them and just be like "guys, stop. eat something" and they'll look up with eyes burning from the books and blink at him and holy shit when did it get so late

they have a group chat ("only because it's convenient" "shut up aaron")

they ask each other how their exams/quizzes/assignments in general went, especially when two of them know the other was stressed about it

this leads to kevin going on a twenty minute rant on the incompetence of dan's history teacher when he gives her a B on an assignment kevin helped her with

dan and aaron find his indignation amusing, particularly because kevin seemed more upset than dan herself

during exam periods, sometimes some of the other foxes will join them and, though they won't admit it, kevin, dan and aaron will roll their eyes at each other every time someone interrupts their flow because clearly they don't understand the way this works

all the foxes do study together every so often tho..not the way the other three do but more like they all just gravitate to the same room and are spread out everywhere with their own books

on days like this, once their backs hurt and their brains are stuffed, they'll order in and spend the rest of the night trying to get dan (and kevin) to cancel practice

it never works

one time it worked

well, technically kevin had fallen asleep as soon as the food came and so convincing dan was easier

nicky thinks that the dramatic monologue he performed to dan was what swayed her (he was right)

so they leave kevin on the couch (renee put a blanket over him) and move the food to the girls room so they don't wake him

he woke up twenty minutes after they were supposed to be on the court, understood what happened immediately and stomped over to the girls room, hair sticking up every which way

he walks in to find them all eating and playing cards and when he glares at them they just shoot him bright smiles and "good morning kevin" "why hello there sunshine" remarks

for once he decides not to fight it and their mouths drop when he just shuts the door (still glaring) and moves toward the food

"you should be disappointed in yourself," he grumbles at dan as he reaches past her for one of the cartons

"what can I say," she says around a mouthful of noodles "they're persuasive"

"real strong will you got there, captain"

"fine, we'll do extra sprints next practice to make up for it, how's that?"

the others all groan and kevin grins at that and finally relaxes and allows himself to unwind for the rest of the evening

they never really acknowledge it but they all enjoy these slower moments where they can be just regular boring university kids with their friends

anyway dan, aaron and Kevin are study buddies

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I don’t get you, CJ. Why are you so quick to throw around the term “bad writing” when you don’t agree with something? Why not simply chalk it up to having different likes or dislikes than other people and move on?

Instead of deconstructing characters you don’t like, why not use your platform to empower other voices and highlight others with different tastes or opinions than you? Different people notice different things about the games. That’s one of the nice things about fandom.

You clearly love writing and analysis, but when you post answers to asks that hold different opinions than you’re own, you often go “you’re valid, but…” and launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs of your opposite opinion rather than truly exploring theirs.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I think your blog and analyses would be stronger if rather than dismissing plot points or characters as “bad writing” you step outside yourself and ask others what they see in that writing since it’s not connecting with you.

To be fair, anon, I don't get me either.

But I hear you, so if you'll allow me to do the thing where I launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs, let's talk about this.

I assume this might've come about because of the recent Violet talk here? Or maybe it's from older posts, I dunno, you didn't specify so I can only speculate and use the Violet posts as the main example here.

So here's the thing... deconstructing characters and storylines is something I enjoy doing. Hell, it's one of my favorite things to do. It doesn't matter if I like or dislike the character, or if I agree with plot directions, or if I think it's "good" or "bad" writing. That's how I work things out for myself, how I try to understand why I'm feeling the way I am about certain characters and story elements. I break apart the different aspects of these things and analyze them so that I can improve the content I create and try to avoid the same mistakes I've come across that I wanted to be better.

When it comes to me tossing around "bad writing", or just implying it, I'm not trying to say that "bad writing = trash, garbage, unenjoyable, anyone who likes this is a dingus, how could you?" it's more "I see flaws here and I want it to be better, I know it can be better and it frustrates me that I can't fix it," y'know?

And I'm fully aware that other people might not see it that way. With that basketball Violet post, I know that a lot of the Violet crowd are gonna read that and be like "no, I love the bell tower scene! It fits well with her character! What are you talking about?" and that's fine, I expect that. That post was me writing something that's been on my mind that I wanted to share, it wasn't me trying to scold anyone for liking it or trying to dismiss their feelings about it.

When it comes to differing opinions, especially on Violet, I've come to the conclusion that we just gotta agree to disagree. I've tried for years at this point to understand the appeal of Violet and gone looking for answers about her in hopes of being enlightened, and I have asked around.

In the past, I have made posts inquiring about what people see in Violet [Minerva, too] and why they prefer Violentine, and I got little to nothing in response. So I totally get where you're coming from when you say I should ask others what they see in the writing that I don't, but there's only so much I can do when no one is willing to answer me. So, I have to look around myself.

I've searched through several threads on reddit and none of them have been insightful, unsurprisingly.

That's what sparked my mini-rant about Louis before. On reddit, a lot of the answers on why people like Violet are either "she sided with Clementine, she's just really sweet deep down, she has more trauma, and lesbian," or "I like Violet more because Louis is a traitor," and what the hell am I supposed to get out of that, y'know? They're not really telling me anything, they're just looking to argue among themselves and I've had to throw in the towel on that one.

I've had better luck here, having read some truly insightful posts about Violet, her arc, and her relationship with Clementine. The conclusion I've reached it that the things people find appealing about her are things that I don't.

If you need an example, we'll use the aftermath of Marlon's murder when Violet turns on the group to defend AJ. Every post from the Violet crowd I've read that talks about that scene praises her for turning against her friends/family to defend AJ when they were gonna attack him, it shows what she's willing to do for them, that's something that drew them to her. Then there's me, who sees that as adding unnecessary aggression to the situation when none of them were going to attack AJ, they weren't looking at AJ, and none of this is helping. Neither of these interpretations are wrong.

Guess what I'm trying to get at is I'm one person, and having discussions takes more than one willing person.

Moving on, "when you post answers to asks that hold different opinions than you’re own, you often go “you’re valid, but…” and launch into paragraphs upon paragraphs of your opposite opinion rather than truly exploring theirs."

I've thought about this for a while, and maybe I do actually do this but don't realize it. I like to think that I'm engaging with the ideas that people send me, but I dunno, maybe I can be dismissive of things because I have a hard time being objective. That's something I've always struggled with, and I'm sorry if I ever came across as dismissive or didn't fully explore ideas, that's something I can definitely get better at.

As for "why not use your platform to empower other voices and highlight others with different tastes or opinions than you? Different people notice different things about the games. That’s one of the nice things about fandom."

I've done character nights, ship nights, season nights, etc. for about two years, give or take. That's what those nights were about. Usually, I'd put up a poll and we'd all vote on what we wanted to discuss, and then the floor was open for anyone to give their input, and we'd discuss.

I stopped doing them a little while ago because I was burnt out on themed nights. Remembering to make new polls, setting aside part of my weekends to spend hours answering asks the best I could, usually dealing with other projects on top of it all.... it may not seem like it, but god, those nights took a lot out of me. I loved doing it! Having those discussions were some of the best parts of running this blog, but now my new job has me working 40+ hours a week, four days with ten hour shifts and occasionally some overtime on the weekends, I just don't have it in me anymore to do it every single weekend. Not with how tired I am and with all the other projects I'm working on.

That's why I've started testing the waters with these shorter posts of me throwing out ideas or going on mini-rants. They're something simple I can do with no pressure, just me with an empty document getting whatever's on my mind out... and it helps that it feels like my last fuck has just flown away to the heavens to weave itself into the boat god's beard like as he sails among the clouds and stars..... so now I'm gonna talk about whatever I want and the fact that it's my opinion is implied.

I'm sorry if I'm coming off as a little defensive with this part, I tend to get that way whenever people tell me what I should or shouldn't do with my blog, even if they're just trying to be helpful and I don't believe you have any ill intent with your message. I've had this blog for three years now, and I've always had people telling me I shouldn't do character analyses, I should stay in my lane, just write fanfics and do character nights. I should answer more asks otherwise people will think I don't care. I shouldn't write headcanon posts, that's what other blogs do and I'll be taking content away from them. I shouldn't write that one au I've always wanted to because I should be working on [with you]. I shouldn't write anything but [with you.] I shouldn't talk about Violet because I'm a Louis blog.

And that's dumb. All of that is dumb! No one owns the concept of headcanon posts or character analyses! Just like how I don't own the concept of character nights!

Again, my last fuck is lost in Kenny's beard, I don't have it anymore. I'm going to write and analyze whatever I want, when I want, and the best I can do is promise to be better. My inbox is open, I'll try to answer and engage with you guys when I can, I'll keep doing these posts where I ramble about whatever topic is on my mind, and I shouldn't have to put a disclaimer of "This is all my opinion and it's okay if you disagree, I'm not trying to invalidate you" because that's implied.

Before I close out this long response, I do wanna add a thank you for the ask, I do appreciate the constructive criticism. Usually anons that have any problem with me after I talk about Violet will just call me a piece of shit and tell me to delete my blog. Maybe this helped you, maybe it didn't, either way thanks :)

[sugurus-slxt]

matching -oikawa

Type: fluff (sfw)

Warnings: an angry iwa-chan and mentions of an injury

Note: you are iwaizumi’s sister in this story, as well as a volleyball player

Hope you guys enjoy the story

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Saturday [4:15 p.m.]

You and Oikawa were practicing together at Aoba Johsai on the volleyball court. “Come on toss me another one,” you shouted from the end of the court. “Ok! But this is the last one for now you need to take a break,” Oikawa scolded. You rolled your eyes as your setter boyfriend tossed for you. You took off and spiked the ball with all your might. “Dammit,” you shouted in exasperation as you wiped the sweat from your forehead. “What are you getting on about? That was a perfectly good spike y/n. Here have some water.” He said passing you the bottle of water which you refused. “I’m fine ok. It’s just I need to go higher. My spikes are just so just so fricking average. Some ace I am,” you sighed whilst stooping down hanging you head. Oikawa just chuckled whilst stooping to your height and ruffling your hair, you just looked at him exhaustedly, “What are you laughing at shittykawa?”

Oikawa held his hand to his chest, pretending to be wounded, “Princess how could you? Hehe but … You’re just like Iwa-chan you know,” he said smirking. “Well he is my brother, but we are not the same ok he’s an actual ace and don’t call me princess,” you got up stretching ready for another round. “Whatever you say… princess,” he said winking at you. A deep blush spread across your cheeks. The both of you have been dating for over a year and he’s still able to make you this flustered. Trying to draw attention away from your flustered cheeks you pointed at him, “And who are you to tell me to take break when Haji had to drag you home multiple times from over practicing.” He smiled and shrugged his shoulder, “You got me there. “ You too just kind of stood there for a while just drinking in the tension that crowded the atmosphere.

“Any way! Let’s get back to it Toru,” you lightly tapped your face to regain your composure. “You know I can help you go higher, jump that is but it’s going to take a while,” he states blankly. “Wait really? “ You look at him, stars visible in your eyes. This was your chance to finally be better; you weren’t going to miss it. “Yes but this is going to be hard you know that I don’t train easy y/n,” he stated seriously. “I know and I can take it come on lets go. I can do this, gimme all you got pretty setter,” you declared barely realizing what you just said but it was too late. His serious nature disappeared in an instant, “Oho! You think I’m a pretty setter princess,” he chucked walking up to you and grabbing your hand, “Well a pretty setter prince for a pretty spiker princess,” he gently kissed your hand. You quickly pulled your hand away and ran to the other side off the court, “L-lets g-get to it,” you managed to stutter out. He smirked, “Ok. Let’s get to it,” he smirked while spinning the ball in his hands.

He’d spent at least half an hour explaining what he wanted you to try changing instance, pressure and pushing off. You went spike after spike, your body had already been tired earlier but you were determined to get this. Every time Oikawa would toss just a bit higher and eventually you were able to keep matching it. “Come on you have to do this one. It’s your peak point. If you get this you get this you succeed,” Oikawa shouted. He could see you were tired, you should have taken a break it’s already 8:30pm but he didn’t say anything. Sweat poured down your body but you were determined to get this one. “Here it comes y/n,” he shouted. It was as if time had slowed, you could see the ball and hear the ticking of the clock but as you were about to make contact your body faltered. You came crashing down; you tried to land on your two feet but it was useless.

One leg hit the ground but your knee bent resulting on you falling straight on your backside. Oikawa rushed to your side, “Y/n!! Are you ok? That’s it. Enough for today, I’m taking you home.” Your knee hurt but at the time you hadn’t paid much mind to it, you just wanted to get back up and get this last spike. “I’m fine Toru. Just one more toss. I need to get this,” you pleaded. “No! Absolutely not! We don’t even know if you hurt anything that was a pretty bad fall, “Oikawa tone was strict. The truth was inside he was worried sick, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if something had happened to you. “I’m f-fine,” you attempted to get up but tears welled up in your eyes as an intense pain shot through your left knee. You fell back down and Oikawa had felt like his heart dropped. “P-princess,” he could barely speak. “T-toru don’t worry just give me a minute,” you weren’t sure who you were trying to convince yourself or him because the pain was searing. You didn’t want to worry him so you kept your tears at bay but it wouldn’t stop. Oikawa gently lifted you up bridal style, making sure not to move your leg around too much. Guilt flooded him but he had to put that aside right now he had to get you to the hospital.

“Toru where…,” he cut you off. “I’m taking you to the hospital to make sure it isn’t anything serious,” he didn’t even look down at you. He just kept walking to the nearest hospital in the area. You knew Toru, he was definitely overthinking things but you didn’t know what to say so you just wrapped your arms around him and nuzzled your face into his neck. The pain was nowhere easing up but you found some comfort in his arms. You both went down the street in dead silences. It was quite dark and the only thing lighting the way was the pale glow of street lights on a moonless night. It hadn’t taken long for you to get to the hospital but Oikawa was still quiet as he handed you over to the nurses. He sat in the chair with his hands in his head as he silently sobbed waiting to find out what happened. Meanwhile, the doctors asked you questions and diagnosed what was wrong with you. After about two hours you were relieved to hear it was just a torn ACL (Anterior Cruciate Ligament Tear). The bad news is that you couldn’t play volleyball for 3 months and couldn’t go back into full swing until 6 months but if you take care of it you’d be fine. But there was always going to be a higher chance of your knee being damaged again.

The doctors finally let Toru in, you opened your arms for a hug from him, “Come here my knight and shining prince in armor,” you smiled at him hoping to ease his mind. He ran to you and immediately started sobbing, “Princess, I’m so sorry. I knew that you were tired and I didn’t say anything. Now you can’t play volleyball and it’s all my fault. I-I just wanted to help you. I felt like you finally just needed me and I thought you could do it I’m sorry, “he continued to rant on. “Hey! Hey! Hey! This isn’t your fault Toru. I continued even though I knew I should have stopped. I was just so obsessed with being better, I didn’t think about my well-being so don’t you dare blame yourself,” you gave him a bright smile as you held his face wiping his tears.

He slowly leaned into you and kissed you softly. Sort of as to say I’m here with you, he pulled away and looked at you as he stroked the side of your face, “I’m still sorry even if you say it wasn’t my fault. I should have noticed and taken care of you ok. I love you. You are my everything, my world, my princess and I should have paid more attention.” You were almost at a loss for words, “I love you too and I won’t argue because you have more problems to deal with babe than arguing over this with me.” Oikawa looked puzzled but he’d find out soon enough. “Anyways look we’re matching,” you show him a knee brace that matches his own and smile. “Princess that’s not much to smile about but yes matching,” he couldn’t help but smile at you as he wrapped his hand around you and laid you on his chest. You both enjoyed each other’s company in silence until the door opened with a loud slam, “Shittykawa I’m gonna kill you! What’d you do to my sister? Now she’s got your stupid overworking habit,” Iwaizumi shouted with a look that could send someone running without wanting to stop. “I-Iwa-chan, let’s just talk about this for a second,” Oikawa held his hands up in defense but not for long as he bolted out the door Iwaizumi chasing after him at full speed. All you could do is sit there and chuckle.

________________________________________________________________HEY! HEY! HEY! I hope you enjoyed the story but I do apologise for any errors or inaccuracy. Feel free to leave constructive criticism or requests.

If you liked my work maybe you might want to buy me a coffee?

[chocopvffz]

My Problems with Fandom

It’s been a while since I’ve kinda just let out my thoughts and feelings on this stale hell site. It’s just now more than ever I’m having the weirdest realizations while I’m participating in any Fanbase. This topic may piss ppl off. But to that, I say fuck it, I’m gonna do it.

Around 2 years ago I took a backseat to actively participating in fandom. So I’d be more of an onlooker rather than someone who contributed. Just reblogging stuff rather than making my own content. Usually in fandom, things are said in the heat of the moment, with little thought and more emotions. Taking a step back I started to realize that while that’s fine in and of itself, You’re entitled to what you like and what’s interesting to you, but I’ve realized that people kinda settle for the bare minimum. Especially now that representation for marginalized groups is becoming the norm. Which is great, but there are still problems that plague us as a community.

I just finished watching Unicorn of War’s video on RWBY, and they delved into the absolutely garbage writing that surrounded The White Fang subplot. I highly recommend you watch the video, it’s about the bad representation of minority oppression and how it relates to RWBY as a whole. While this post doesn’t stem from that in particular. what did was though is how UoW confessed that they were guilty of completely ignoring how harmful the writing was for pocs, as well as downright silencing and downplaying poc that had a problem with the writing. Unicorn of War is not racist, the fact that they realized the type of systemic racism they’ve been inadvertently spreading is so harmful is a a step in the right direction. Here is where the problem lies. UoW said that they were a perpetrator of this because they were to focused on the representation the show did give the fans. They said that they lumped all of the genuine criticism of the problems with homophobes and bigots because they didn’t want to hear any of the criticism at all. RWBY has some pretty shit representation in ever field. UoW said that they were settling for the stuff they did get because they get so little, and their whiteness blinded them to listening and trying to understand why so man poc had an issue with the show.

Basically what I’m trying to say is that, a lot of the time In Fandom, ppl would rather settle for what they do have and what caters to them, rather than criticize a product of its faults and ask for more.

I’ve been scared to talk about She-Ra because the fandom is pretty scary. I liked the show. To me it wasn’t anything special. But it was a fine show, and I can’t wait for what the crew does next. But here’s where a lot of the issues come from for me. There are some problems both w/ the show, and the representation. Catra and Adora have been queercoded up until the very end where it does get revealed that they are in fact lesbians. Which is great and all but at the end of the day. They kiss at the very end of the last episode, nothing was explicit before then. But the thing is that Catra is an abusive manipulative person, that kinda just gets a pat on the back, and all is forgiven when she realizes she’s alone(both in the fandom and the show). I mean glimmer got more hate than Catra. The point I’m trying to make is that I’ve seen way to many ppl ignore the fact that they side stepped the development of Catra and Adora, and kinda get mad at the ppl that criticize that we could have gotten better rep. For a lot of the fans, at least from what I’ve seen, yall are okay with the problems the show has as long as you get some form of rep. Which is valid, but when that complacency spills over into silencing ppl with criticisms. This usually happens when someone has had another experience with the show where the thing that represents them isnt done as well. it rubs me the wrong way. Someone could see Catra’s behavior, liken her to a toxic person they knew, criticize how the show kinda ignores that. I can bet that some ppl would tell this person that they’re wrong, because she ended up where she did at the end.

This brings me to my last example, during my watch of Infinity Train, I started getting a little bit more involved in the fandom; reblogging, commenting. During the show I noticed a small amount (larger than I would have liked) making passive aggressive remarks toward Grace (the only black girl and protagonist of the season). They were all in regard to her having a redmeption arc. At first I was kinda in denial. Like most ppl are immediately after suffering an injustice, cuz despite her being an awful person at first. She gets better. And there are so little black women that are protagonists. I felt represented. But then I’d see ppl demeaning her in order to make her friend Simon (basically the antagonist) more sympathetic. Mind you he’s white. And after the show ended I had a weird encounter. There were many posts about how enthralling it was that Grace, a black women, telling Simon, a white man, that his problems were his own, and she doesn’t have to be the one to fix them. Most of the ppl that made these posts were woc. The show isn’t about race, but the fact that the character is black resonated with a lot of ppl.

Under ever single one of these posts, I saw multiple people, getting weirdly angry at them. Like “this has nothing to do with race, why are you bringing it up here.” Which I guess is fair, but no one says it as much to ppl when the post is about sexuality. So getting fed up, I responded to one of these ppl explaining how odd it is that the characters that get really popular are always of the same archetype. White Sad Boys, it’s the same with ships. Instead of critiquing the show or anything I wanted to call attention to subconscious biases in fandom. The person accuses me of calling them racist, tells me that race isn’t an issue in fandom, and tried to gaslight me into thinking that what I was talking about doesnt apply to how ppl choose who their favorite character is.

This issue here isn’t about the race, or the actual content in the show. It was about the person telling me that the empowerment I and other woc experienced while watching infinity train s3, doesn’t exist and we shouldn’t criticize ppl putting her down in order to uplift the antagonist.

Which leads back to the point I’m trying to make. So many ppl in fandom settle for whats there instead of trying to make things more representative of everyone. Representation can always get better, we just have to stop fighting ppl that give constructive criticism to the things we like.

And I’m completely guilty of this too, that’s why I took a step back. I don’t like silencing ppl when they try to criticize something that resonates with me. So I try to sit back and let them tell me what can be done better based on their experiences. I’m still struggling. I’m pretty sure I was ultra defensive with the person telling me that race doesn’t matter.

This happens a lot more with white ppl than it does with people of color. And this isn’t a dig on any white person at all. It’s just that white have a vastly different experience than a poc. A white LGBT person is going to have a completely different experience than a black lgbt person. Just like a cishet white person is going to have from a poc cishet person. And since we have different experiences, there are aspects of my life you won’t understand and vice versa. An abuse survivor is going to be more equip to tell us what works better than other things in a story that tackles those subjects. You see what I mean.

I just want everyone to take a step back and consider the criticism that is being made. And try to understand why this person may see it that way.

TLDR; We need to stop silencing marginalized ppl just because they criticize things we relate to, especially when it pertains to their experiences. It’s settling for the bare minimum when we deserve better. Just because we’ve got a gay character doesnt mean the show is perfect. It happens way more than we think. Especially now more than ever.

Sorry this is so long, and full of typos. I just needed to rant.

[fandomrewrites]

Chasing Butterflies: Pilot

Hello all, I’m finally posting the first chapter of Chasing Butterflies - a rewrite of The 100! I am posting it with my to OC’s so it will not be a reader insert. I will try to update once a week, on either Saturday or Sunday. I hope you all enjoy this story and as always constructive criticism is appreciated. Let me know if you want to get added to the taglist!

Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot Pairings: OC x OC best friends, no love interests yet Warnings: Some swearing and mild violence Word Count: 5,209

Season 1 Masterlist

It's been almost three years since Nova Kane has been labeled a criminal and locked up in what the Ark residents call the Sky Box. She was in solitary confinement only receiving visits from the guards and her father, Marcus Kane. 

Nova was never very welcoming to her father or the guards, after all, they're the reason why she was locked up in the first place. Nova was just a month and a half away from the fateful day that she would either be sentenced to death or she’ll be let to live once again amongst the Ark's residents. 

On the Ark, any crime, no matter how small, is a sentence for death. Except if you are under the age of 18. If you are younger than 18, you will be locked up in the Sky Box where you will wait to get reviewed on your 18th birthday. 

Nova sat on her bed reading a book, The Outsiders. It was her favorite. She always felt connected to the character's, especially Dallas Winston. He was misunderstood just like her. 

As she was getting to her favorite part of the book, the rumble, her door opened. She sighed and looked up, her eyes meeting her fathers. "What are you doing here? It's not a visiting day."

"You're getting sent to the ground." Marcus bluntly states.

Nova takes a second to let the words register before she answers, "What? I thought it wasn't survivable?"

"Listen, Nova. This is your best chance at survival. You and 99 other prisoners are being sent to Earth today. You're strong, you've been training since you learned how to walk. The other prisoners are going to need a leader. A guard will be sent down with you too, but I have a feeling they won't want to listen to him-"

Nova cuts her dad's rant off, "They won't want to listen to me either, Marcus. I may be a prisoner but I'm still considered privileged." 

Marcus sighs, frustrated that his daughter still refuses to call him dad. "Just be careful down there okay?" He takes his hand out of his pocket pulling out a knife. "For you to bring down. You can bring the book too, I know it's your favorite. Just make sure they stay hidden so the guards don't see it."

Nova nods and stands up placing both the book and the knife in the big pockets of her oversized jacket. Not even a minute later, the guards opened the door, "Kane we can't wait any longer. Prisoner 306, hold out your right arm."

Nova rolls her eyes but does as she's told, rolling up her sleeve so they can have access to her wrist. As soon as her sleeve is rolled up one of the guards locks a metal cuff around her wrist. Nova clenches her teeth in pain, but refuses to let out a noise and give the guards the satisfaction in knowing they hurt her. 

"Alright, let's go." The guard grabs her roughly by the arm and pulls her out of her cell. 

Behind her she hears her dad say, "Remember what I said Nova." She briefly looks back and nods, letting her father know that she heard him. 

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 On the other side of the Sky Box is another girl that the Ark residents would consider privileged. Her name is Elara Sinclair. Elara has only been in the Sky Box for six months and her 18th birthday is a week away.

Elara isn't in solitary like Nova though. No, she has a cellmate by the name of Harper McIntyre. The two girls got close and we're nervously awaiting the day when Elara would probably be floated. 

"What's the first thing you're going to do when you get out?" Harper asks.

"If I get out you mean." Elara says, rather morbidly.

"You can't think like that, E. So not if, when."

Elara cracked a small smile, "Probably just spend a lot of time with my parents. I hate only being able to see them once a week."

"And become Abby's personal medical assistant." Harper smiles. 

"I'm pretty sure that place is already taken, but yeah. I would love to continue my medical training." Before Harper could reply, the girl's cell door opened to reveal two guards. 

"Prisoners 397 and 398, turn around and hold out your right arm."

Both girls exchanged a nervous look but did as told, not wanting to anger the guards. "What's happening? I still have a week until I turn 18." Elara asks.

"Ow! What is this?" Harper questions, growing more concerned by the second. 

Neither guard answers as they each grab the girls by the arm, "Let's go."

"Where are we going?" Elara tries once more to get a straight answer from the guards. Her mouth falls open once they step out of the cell. In front of her she sees every prisoner leaving their cells with matching metal cuffs and a guard escorting them. 

"They're killing us all!" Harper exclaims. Tears threaten to spill out of both girls' eyes. 

"I didn't even get to tell my parents goodbye." Elara mumbles out.

Both girls watch with wide eyes as the guards drag them out of the Sky Box and towards a drop ship. "What the hell?" Elara says as it clicks, they aren't being floated, they're being sent to the ground. 

Part of her is excited, she's dreamed of this since she was a girl after all. But then she remembers, it's supposed to take another 100 years for the ground to be survivable, they're sentencing them to death just in a different way then they usually do.

Harper and Elara are placed in seats beside a pretty brunette, they get strapped in and wait patiently as the rest of the prisoners are in their spots. "Hey, I'm Octavia." The pretty girl greets Harper and Elara. 

"I'm Elara and this is Harper." She smiles nervously.

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 A few moments later, Nova is the last one brought into the ship. With one last rough pull by the guard Nova finally has enough. She tears her arm loose and elbows the guard in the face, slams her foot onto his toes then grabs his head to shove her knee into his face. The delinquents surrounding them look on, some with terrified faces and others in amusement. 

The guard stumbles back, nose bleeding from the impact. "You bitch." The guard spits out.

"Oh screw you." She says, glaring angrily. Before the guard can react she takes the last seat available and straps herself in. The guard leaves the ship without another word.

When Nova looks up she realizes that everyone's eyes are on her, "Show's over. You can stop looking at me." Everyone quickly adverts their eyes, clearly afraid of the girl. All except one person that is, "Wells? What the fuck are you doing here?"

Sitting across from her is not one, but two of her best friends. Or at least they were growing up, she's changed a lot since she's been locked up. The boy she addressed, Wells, looks slightly shocked to see her. "Nova?"

Her eyes flicker to the passed out blonde beside him, "You came for her, didn't you? For Clarke?" She questions.

All he does is nod. The drop ship finally launches and chatter can be heard from the people around Nova, Wells, and Clarke. After a few seconds Clarke starts to move. "Welcome back- look." Wells starts.

"Wells, why the hell are you here?" Clarke asks, shocked.

Nova lets out a light laugh, though there isn't much humor to it, she hasn't really laughed in years. "I asked him the same thing. Though I used more colorful language."

"Nova?" The blonde gasps.

"Hey." The brunette simply says.

Wells brings Clarke's attention back to her, "When I found out they were sending prisoners to the ground, I got myself arrested. I came for you."Wells turns to address Nova, “I didn’t know your dad was sending you.”

Clarke looks shocked, no surprise there though. Before she can even think of a response the ship violently shakes. "What was that?" Clarke asks.

"That was the atmosphere." Wells answers.

A video starts playing, showing Chancellor Jaha, Wells' dad. "Prisoners of the Ark, hear me now. You've been given a second chance, and as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us, indeed for mankind itself. We have no idea what is waiting for you down there. If the odds of survival were better, we would've sent others. Frankly, we're sending you because your crimes have made you expendable."

A male delinquent sitting somewhere to the right of Nova calls out, "Your dad is a dick, Wells."

"Wells is here?" Elara asks, looking to her roommate. Neither girl saw him when they got on the ship.

"Those crimes will be forgiven, your records wiped clean." the Chancellor continues. "The drop site has been chosen carefully. Before the last war, Mount Weather was a military base built within a mountain. It was to be stocked with enough non-perishables to sustain three hundred people for up to two years."

Delinquents start cheering as someone undoes their seatbelt floating up into the air, "Spacewalk bandit strikes again! Go Finn!"

"Check it out. Your dad floated me, after all." Finn says, floating in front of Wells, Clarke and Nova.

Nova can't help the small chuckle from making its way past her lips, despite her knowing that he was probably going to get himself killed for not being buckled.

"You should strap in before the parachutes deploy," Wells says.

"Don't unbuckle! It's dangerous!" Elara exclaims to other delinquents that start to follow Finn out of his seat. Nova whips her head in the direction of the voice, recognizing who it belongs too, though she is unable to see the girl who is like a sister to her. 

Just after Elara finishes speaking, Clarke says, "Hey, you two, stay put if you want to live."

The Chancellor can still be heard on the screen, "Mount Weather is life. You must locate those supplies immediately."

Finn, recognizing Clarke, says, "Hey, you're the traitor who's been in solitary for a year."

"You're the idiot who wasted a month of oxygen on an illegal spacewalk." Clarke snaps at the boy.

"But it was fun. I'm Finn."

Nova shakes her head as the Chancellor continues speaking, "Your one responsibility is stay alive."

The ship shakes again, Elara lets out a small scream as the three that got out of their seats are tossed through the air, "Stay in your seats. Finn, are you okay?" Clarke screams.

"Retrorockets ought to have fired by now." Wells states.

"Okay. Everything on this ship is a hundred years old, right? Just give it a second."

"Clarke, there's something I have to tell you. I'm sorry I got your father arrested."

Nova raises her eyebrows at the exchange, knowing the true story of how Clarke’s father got arrested. "Don't you talk about my father!" The blonde yells, trying to be heard over all the other noise in the drop ship.

"Please, I can't die knowing that you hate me."

"They didn't arrest my father, Wells. They executed him. I do hate you."

More yelling is heard throughout the ship and then a big crash.  "Listen. No machine hum." A guy who sits across from Elara says.

The guy next to him smiles, "Whoa. That's a first."

Everyone starts to unbuckle and stand. Elara quickly rushes to the three boys that unbuckled during the journey, "Are they breathing?" She quickly asks Finn, just as Clarke makes it to them. All he does is shake his head.

Clarke looks at Elara about to say something, but a voice from below stops her, "The outer door is on the lower level. Let's go."

"No. We can't just open the doors." Clarke says, quickly rushing down the ladder.

Elara stays behind looking at Finn, "It's not your fault." She says.

He looks up at her, "It is. They followed me."

"Yeah. But that was their choice. There's 100 people on this ship and only two people followed. It was their choice, even after Clarke and I said not too."

Finn nods but still looks upset, "C'mon. Let's go see Earth." Elara holds out her hand for Finn to take. He gently smiles, grabbing her outstretched hand.

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 Once Nova unbuckled she didn't wait for anyone as she made her way down to the lower level. She shoved her way to the front, wanting to be one of the first people out of the crowded ship. 

A guy in a guards uniform was standing by the door, "Hey, just back it up, guys."

"Stop. The air could be toxic." Clarke calls from the ladder.

"If the air is toxic, we're all dead, anyway."

"Bellamy?" A pretty girl asks, looking at the guard.

"My God, look how big you are."

The girl finally makes it to Bellamy, "What the hell are you wearing, a guard's uniform?"

"I borrowed it to get on the drop ship. Someone has got to keep an eye on you." They both hug.

Looking at his wrist Clarke calls, "Where's your wristband?"

"Do you mind? I haven't seen my brother in a year." The girl snaps.

"No one has a brother." A guy yells out.

"That's Octavia Blake, the girl they found hidden in the floor." A girl says in reply.

Octavia lunges forward to attack and Nova smirks. She likes her, she has spunk. "Octavia, Octavia, no." Her brother says, holding her back. "Let's give them something else to remember you by."

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Like being the first person on the ground in a hundred years."

As Bellamy pulls the lever, opening the door, Nova contemplates pushing past Octavia but decides against it. She likes the girl and can take her under her wing and make her a badass. She can't do that if the girl thinks she's a bitch for not allowing her to step out first.

Once the door is fully open, Octavia slowly steps down the ramp. When she reaches the end she jumps onto the ground, throws her hands in the air and screams, "We're back bitches!"

Nova runs out once the words leave the girls mouth. She takes a deep breath, holds her arms out, and lets her head fall back, closing her eyes. She lets the sun hit her exposed skin and she smiles. The first genuine smile that falls on her lips in three years. 

Elara on the other hand is one of the last people to leave the ship. But when she does she has a huge smile lighting up her face. She spins in slow circles taking in every inch of Earth that she can see. 

After both Nova and Elara get their fix of the ground they make their way over to Clarke, who stands by the drop ship looking at a map. Nova looks at Elara in surprise, "Lara?"

"Hey Nov." Elara smiles at the girl who was once her best friend. "I missed you."

"You too." Nova says quietly. 

Their attention is brought back to Clarke as Wells comes out of the drop ship, "We got problems. The communication system is dead. I went to the roof. A dozen panels are missing. Heat fried the wires."

"Well, all that matters right now is getting to Mount Weather. See? Look. This is us." Clarke points to a place on the map as the other three look on, "This is where we need to get if we want to survive."

"Where'd you learn to do that?" Wells questions, but then he answers himself, "Your father."

A voice from behind the four friends interrupts the conversation, "Ah, cool, a map. They got a bar in this town? I'll buy you a beer."

Wells puts a hand to the boy's chest, "You mind?"

"Hey, hey, hey, hands off of him. He's with us." Another delinquent, Murphy, says, breaking the contact. 

"Relax. We're just trying to figure out where we are." Wells says, trying to diffuse the situation. 

"We're on the ground. That not good enough for you?" Bellamy calls, hearing the conversation.

"We need to find Mount Weather. You heard my father's message. That has to be our first priority."

"Screw your father. What, you think you're in charge here, you and the rest of the privileged?" Octavia spits, causing Nova to roll her eyes.

"Do you think we care who's in charge? We need to get to Mount Weather not because the Chancellor said so, but because the longer we wait, the hungrier we'll get and the harder this'll be." Clarke starts.

"We need Mount Weather to survive." Elara pipes in. 

Clarke nods at her statement, "We're looking at a twenty-mile trek, okay? So if we want to get there before dark, we need to leave now."

"I got a better idea. You four go, find it for us. Let the privileged do the hard work for a change." Bellamy says.

The delinquents start cheering. Nova scoffs, "You're all going to die down here."

Everyone looks at her, "What? It's true. We're not on vacation. We need supplies and Mount Weather is where those supplies are. Four of us can't carry back enough supplies for 98 people."

Wells speaks, "She's right. We all need to go."

"Look at this, everybody. The Chancellor and Vice Chancellor of Earth." Murphy jokes.

Nova once again rolls her eyes, she has a feeling that this will be a common occurrence down on Earth. "You think that's funny?' Wells asks.

Murphy grabs Wells, tripping him. "Wells!" Clarke and Elara call out in concern.

"No, but that was." Murphy smiles. Wells stands up, limping on the foot that got twisted on his way down. He goes to put up his fists but Nova steps in between the two.

"He has one good leg. If you want to fight someone maybe choose someone so it's a fair fight." She states, glaring.

"You mean you? 'Cause I'll gladly fight you any day, Angel."

"That wouldn't be a fair fight." She states, clenching her jaw at the unwelcomed nickname.

"You afraid of me?" He smirks.

Nova smirks back, "I meant for you. Now move along, unless you want to get your ass kicked."

Murphy scoffs, “Like you could actually hurt me.” 

The boy with the goggles mumbles from behind Murphy, “Clearly you didn’t see her take on the guard.” 

At his words, Murphy looks Nova up and down but decides against actually fighting the girl. As Murphy and his crew finally back away, Finn makes his presence known, "So Mount Weather. When do we leave?"

"Right now. We'll be back tomorrow with food." Clarke says.

"I'm staying. Someone with medical experience should be here in case anyone gets hurt." Elara says as she finishes wrapping Wells' ankle.

"How are the three of you gonna carry enough food for 98 people?" Wells asks.

Finn turns and grabs the two closest guys, one of which includes goggles boy, "Five of us. Can we go now?"

"Sounds like a party. Make it six." Octavia says joining the group.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing?" Bellamy asks his sister.

"Going for a walk." She casually answers.

Clarke turns to Finn, grabbing his wrist, "Hey, were you trying to take this off?"

"Yeah, so?" He answers, shrugging.

"So this wristband transmits your vital signs to the Ark. Take it off, and they'll think you're dead."

"Should I care?"

"Well, I don't know. Do you want the people you love to think you're dead? Do you want them to follow you down here in two months? Because they won't if they think we're dying." Finn nods, "Now let's go."

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 As Nova and the group of six make their way through the forest, Clarke seems to be impatient. She walks ahead from the rest, focused on reaching their destination. Finn grabs a flower from the ground and places it in Octavia's hair. 

"Now, that, my friend, is game." Jasper, the boy with the goggles says to his friend, Monty.

"That, my friend, is poison sumac." Monty replies.

Octavia hurriedly wipes the flower out of her hair, "What? It is?"

"The flowers aren't poisonous. They're medicinal, calming, actually." He states.

"His family grows all the pharmaceuticals on the Ark." Jasper says, explaining how his friend knows so much about the plant.

"Hey, guys, would you try to keep up?" Clarke calls, turning around to look at everyone.

"Come on, Clarke. How do you block all this out?" Finn questions the blonde.

"Well, it's simple. I wonder, why haven't we seen any animals? Maybe it's because there are none. Maybe we've already been exposed to enough radiation to kill us. Sure is pretty, though. Come on."

"Someone should slip her some poison sumac." Octavia mumbles to the rest of us. Jasper snorts and Nova allows a smirk to fall on her lips.

"If we've been exposed to enough radiation to kill us then we're already dead. Might as well enjoy our last moments, Clarke." Nova says to her friend.

Finn turns to the other two boys, "I got to know what you two did to get busted."

Monty replies, "Sumac isn't the only herb in the garden, if you know what I mean."

"Someone forgot to replace what we took." Jasper says, casting an accusing eye at Monty.

"Someone has apologized, like, a thousand times."

"What about you Nova? What'd they get you for?"

"Yeah, all we ever heard were rumors." Finn adds.

"Murder." Nova states simply.

Up ahead Clarke stops, "What? My mom said you stole."

Nova shakes her head, "It was a cover. My dad, Jaha, and your mom were the only ones who knew the truth. And of course me and the guy I killed."

"Remind me not to get on her bad side." She hears Jasper whisper to Monty.

Nova turns around smirking, "Don't worry. That guy had it coming. The only person down here I may consider murdering is Murphy. At least it's just him for now."

The group slows to a stop as they spot a deer in front of them. "No animals, huh?" Finn whispers to Clarke. Finn steps forward to get a better look at the animal but steps on a stick. The deer looks up and turns to see what made the noise. 

They all gasp. The deer has two faces.

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 Elara and Wells walked away from the camp looking for water. "Clarke still doesn't know?" Elara asks.

"No, and you're not going to tell her."

"Seriously? You don't need to remind me, Wells." She pauses, "We shouldn't be walking around for long. You need to rest your ankle."

Wells nods and they start to loop around to head back to the camp.

Once they see the drop ship a voice calls out, "Find any water yet?"

Looking up Elara and Wells spot Murphy, "No, not yet, but, we're going back out soon if you want to come."

Murphy turns his attention to the side of the drop ship, carved into the metal is 'First son first to dye'. He chuckles then says to Wells, "You know, my father, he begged for mercy in the airlock chamber when your father floated him."

Wells just looks at him, "You spelled die wrong, genius."

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 Continuing their trek through the woods, Finn asks no one in particular, "Hey, you know what I'd like to know? Why send us down today after ninety seven years? What changed?"

"Who cares?" Octavia speaks up, "I'm just glad they did. I woke up rotting in a cell, and now I'm spinning in a forest."

"Maybe they found something on a satellite, you know, like an old weather satellite or it wasn't a satellite." Monty says. Nova knits her eyebrows together in confusion at his words.

"The Ark is dying. At the current population level, there's roughly three months left of life support, maybe four now that we're gone." Clarke answers.

"So that was the secret they locked you up to keep, why they kept you in solitary, floated your old man?" Finn questions.

"My father was the engineer who discovered the flaw. He thought the people had a right to know. The Council disagreed. My mother disagreed. They were afraid it would cause a panic. We were gonna go public, anyway, when Wells-" She trails off.

"What, turned in your dad?" Monty asks.

Clarke nods, "The guard showed up before we could. That's why today. That's why it was worth the risk. Even if we all die, at least they bought themselves more time."

Nova lets out a humorless laugh, "Wow, never thought my dad would get to send me to my death twice."

An awkward silence settles among the group as Octavia and Nova speed up, the rest staying slightly behind to talk more about the topic. 

Not hearing the conversation happening behind them, Nova and Octavia exchange a smile. They found water, a river to be exact. Both girls immediately reach to peel off their shirts, throwing them to the ground. 

Behind them Jasper's voice can be heard, "Oh, damn, I love Earth." The four delinquents not stripping look on in shock, though the three boys can't help but check out the two girls. 

"Octavia, Nova, what the hell are you doing?" Clarke asks.

The two girls glance back at the group when they hear their names being called, they look at each other once more then step over the edge, landing in the water with a splash.

The other four run over, looking down at the top of the girls head. Only the nose and eyes on both girls are showing above the water. "Nova, Octavia! We can't swim!" Monty nervously says.

The two brunettes move so their heads are now above the water, "We know." Nova states.

Octavia continues, "But we can stand." They both stand up exposing the top half of their bodies.

The group still on land starts stripping to get in the water but before they can Jasper calls out, "Get out of the water! Octavia, Nova, get out!"

Octavia and Nova both look at him confused, but not even a minute later Octavia gets pulled in the water by something large. Nova gasps and quickly rushes to get out of the water, simultaneously trying to find something to help Octavia.

Finn reaches down to help Nova up as the rest of the group push a rock into the water hoping to distract whatever grabbed Octavia. As soon as the creature lets the brunette go Jasper quickly helps her out. "Not to self, next time, save the girl." Monty says looking at Octavia and Jasper, and Nova and Finn.

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 Wells and Elara once again made their way back to camp. They still couldn't find water which wasn't good considering they kinda needed some to survive. It was starting to get dark though so they would have to continue their search the next day.

The two friends looked at each curiously when they heard cheers from the delinquents. Finally reaching the group surrounded, who had a fire started, they see a girl, Fox, getting her wristband taken off. "Who's next?" Bellamy calls out.

"What the hell are you doing?" Wells angrily shouts.

"We're liberating ourselves. What does it look like?"

"You're killing us." Elara gasps out. "The wristbands are the only way the Ark knows we're alive. If you take them off the Ark will think we're dying."

"That's the point, sweetheart. We can take care of ourselves, can't we?" The group cheers at Bellamy's words.

"You think this is a game?" asks Wells, "Those aren't just our friends and parents up there. They're our farmers, our doctors, our engineers. I don't care what he tells you. We won't survive here on our own, and besides, if it is really safe, how could you not want the rest of our people to come down?"

"My people are already down. Those people," Bellamy points to the sky, "locked my people up. Those people killed my mother for the crime of having a second child. Your father did that."

"My father didn't write the laws."

"No. He enforced them, but not anymore. not here. Here, there are no laws."

Once again the group cheers, so Bellamy continues. "Here, we do whatever the hell we want whenever the hell we want. Now, you don't have to like it. You can even try to stop it or change it, kill me. You know why? Whatever the hell we want."

The delinquents chorus, "Whatever the hell we want!" Then, out of seemingly nowhere, it starts to rain. Elara gasps and raises her head to the sky, letting the rain hit her face.

Elara catches someone watching her out of the corner of her eye, she turns her head to make eye contact. Her mouth drops in shock as the boy smiles at her.

He makes his way over and awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, "Hey Elara. What do you say about a kiss in the rain? If I remember correctly it was something you always wanted to do."

Elara snorts, "Yeah, but that was before we broke up, Atlas." 

"What, so you won't let me kiss you one last time?" He asks with a cheeky smile.

"Not happening." Elara replies, though she can’t hide the smile that falls onto her lips.

 *_*_*_*_*_*

 The next day the group of six that went to find food make it their mission to safely cross the river. As soon as they find a vine they can swing from, Finn volunteers to go first. 

He keeps hesitating to cross though, "You wanted to go first. Now quit stalling." Clarke calls out.

"Just hang on till the apogee, and you'll be fine." Jasper says from Finn's side.

"The apogee like the Indians, right?" Finn asks.

"Apogee, not apache."

"He knows. Today, Finn." Clarke says.

"Aye, aye, captain. See you on the other side."

Just as he's about to swing Jasper stops him, "Wait. Let me. I can do it."

Finn looks at him with a smile, "Knew there was a badass in there somewhere." Jasper hesitates, "Hey, it's okay to be afraid, Jasper. The trick is not fighting it." Finn reassures the boy.

"See you on the other side." He swings, whooping and hollering the whole way across. 

The other five delinquents cheer happily when he reaches the other side. "Let's go, Princess. You're up." Finn says to Clarke.

Jasper reaches down, picking up a sign that says Mount Weather. The other five cheer one more time as Clarke goes to grab the vine. Before she gets the chance though, from somewhere behind them a spear flies straight into Jasper's chest.

"Jasper!" The group calls out.

"Get down!" Nova exclaims, pulling Octavia and Monty, the two that were closest to her down. 

"We're not alone." Clarke whispers to the group.

[tomspancakes]

This Way: Part 4

*not my gif*

Pairing: Tom Holland x Actress! reader

Word Count: 3580

Warnings: still a crazy ass bih lol. I can’t stop with the drama sorryyy

Summary: Y/n starts noticing how weird Tom is being and decides to confront him.

A/N: I think I’m going to post two days in a row then have one day off, but like a sis is nearing the end of her school year so let’s hope I stick with it haha. Please lmk if you’re enjoying this/ have any constructive criticism. ALSO I need help like ded ass don’t know if I’m stupid or if it’s tumblr’s fault, but when I tag people some of the tags don’t work :/ BUT don’t hesitate to ask to be a part of the tag list :) 

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

+++

*week and a half before lock down*

You opened the door to the flat exhausted after a long day of filming and walked into the living room to see Tom busy on his laptop. He looked up, 

“Oh hi, y/n.” He shut his laptop and stood up, you gave him a strange look.

“Leaving already? Do I smell or something?” You joked and flopped on the couch. Tom has been acting really strange with you after the dinner with his family. Lately he’s been leaving you alone whenever one of the boys got up to leave as well. ‘Was he feeling awkward about being friends?’ you thought to yourself. 

“Oh no no you don’t smell. You always smell nice,” He blushed because he said too much, “Just need to work on this script, Harry’s been on my ass about it.” He said and began to walk away before you could reply.

“What? Not even gonna ask how my day was... you know like a friend?” You teased and Tom sighed and squeezed his eyes shut and turned around

“How was your day, y/n?”

“It was long, tiring, and someone was really rude to me on the set.” You sighed and waited for him to sit back down so he could listen, but he never did, “Ok then… how about your day, Tom?” This was starting to get awkward, 

“Didn’t really do anything, just ate and worked on the first act of the movie, which still isn’t done so if you’ll excuse me I’m going to my room now.” He said quickly, turning around again walking away.

“How rude. ‘Ya let’s be friends, y/n, it’ll be fun.’” You grumbled and mimicked him in an annoyed voice. Tom heard and felt really bad to pretend he didn’t.

-

You were now sitting on Harry’s bed watching him edit his short film and eating ice cream, he listened to how your day went,

“And oh my god one of the stunt fighter guys was being a straight up asshole,” You rolled your eyes eating another spoonful of ice cream,

“How so?” Harry asked

“Well I kept messing up this one stunt where I was in heels and we ended up filming it 7 times. I mean I felt bad for wasting time, but that was until the dickhead said, ‘I don’t even know why they casted you, it’s a simple stunt just get this shit down already so we can move on!’” You said in a deep voice mimicking the guy, “I was so embarrassed, but thankfully Ryan stood up for me. Still ruined my day though.”

“What the hell? What kinda asshole-,” He got up from his spot on the bed all riled up, “Who is this guy? I’m gonna end him. Does he even realize how damn hard it is to do a stunt in heels?” You laughed at Harry’s protectiveness, “Tom literally took half a day to film one stunt and he wasn’t in heels!” You shrugged.

“Sit your ass back down. Thanks for trying to protect me, but everything will be fine, I’m strong. It’s business gotta suck it up.” He rolled his eyes and jumped on you with a bear hug. You laughed and tried to push him off of you, but he was too heavy. 

“Harry, you bitch, I can’t breathe.”

“I just want to protect my best friend.” He said before letting you go and going back to editing.

“Speaking of Tom, have you noticed that he’s avoiding me?” You asked quickly.

“Huh? I haven’t noticed anything of the sort. I mean you guys are both really busy right now aren’t you?” You nodded and rested your head on Harry’s shoulder,

“I mean I guess, but haven’t you noticed like yesterday when you left the kitchen Tom rushed a bit to leave also?” 

“Oh yeah I forgot about that, it was quite strange now that I think about it.” 

“Yeah Tom’s been doing that to me ever since we left your parents’ house. And when I got home today I tried to talk to him about my day, because you know I thought he’s my friend, and he just said he really needed to work on the script and left to his room!”

“Hmm, I did tell him to finish the first act by tomorrow, but he’s been working in the living room all day. Said something about his room being more of a distraction. Also it’s not like Tom to leave without hearing someone out. He always listens.” You just sighed,

“I guess he thinks it’s still weird to be friends. I tried, sorry, Harry.”

“Please don’t give up just yet, y/n, maybe he’s just stressed or something. You know I wouldn’t want to pick sides.” You nodded and started to drift off to sleep and felt Harry remove the bowl from your lap.

-

“Y/n, love, wake up.” you were being shaken by Harry.

“Huh? Oh sorry, did I fall asleep?” You asked groggily and he laughed,

“Yeah and I finished editing the short film!” You jumped up no longer tired anymore.

“Oh my god yay, Harry! Can I see it now pleaseeee?” You jumped up and down on the bed.

“Tomorrow, love, it’s 1 am now and I want to show everyone in the house at the same time.” You pouted and he laughed.

“Fine then be like that. But I’m proud of you.” You hugged him, “Good night, Harry, can’t wait to see the finished product!” 

“Night, love.” He chuckled and you walked out with your empty dish.

You pulled out your phone and opened the Instagram app to see that Tom posted something on his story about 30 minutes ago. It was a picture of the script and his foot captioned, “Working on something big, like my big toe.” You giggled a bit and muttered, “Idiot.” The next story post was from Tuwaine, it was a picture you all took together after breakfast when Tom burnt himself. You were laying across the boys’ laps and Tom was happily looking down at your smiling face. It was captioned, “If lock down happens, it’ll be a real party with these people.” You smiled and reposted it to your story.

As soon as you reached the kitchen you saw Tom sitting at the counter and typing away on his laptop.

“Hey, Tom, still working?” Tom jumped at the sound of your voice.

“Jesus, don’t scare me like that. And yes I couldn’t sleep, b-but I think I’m getting tired now.” He was about to close his laptop and leave, but you stopped him. 

“Oh my god… I’m just gonna put my dish in the sink and leave.” His frazzled expression turned to a relaxed one and he sat back down typing again, refusing to look at you. You began to walk away then felt the urge to ask,

“Tom, a-are you avoiding me?” It came out quieter than you thought, you felt vulnerable. He stopped typing for a brief moment when you asked.

“No, definitely not. Why’d you think that?” You walked back to the counter and stood across him leaning on the surface.

“I’ve been noticing that you're in a rush to leave the room when we’re alone…” Tom continued to type, but incorrectly because of his nerves. 

“Oh, I-I’m sorry, love, didn’t mean for you to think that. I’m just busy is all, I promise.” He said and pointed at the laptop.

“Too busy to hear your friend rant about her day?” You asked and he sighed. His heart dropped when you called yourself his friend.

“I’m afraid so, love. Now why don’t you go sleep don’t you have to film tom-” You cut him off getting tired of the excuses,

“Tom cut the shit, I know you’re avoiding me and I don’t get why.” Tom sighed as you rambled and he put his laptop to the side because he wasn’t getting anything done, “I really appreciate you letting me stay here, but shouldn’t we at least talk a little bit? I mean I was ready to be friends with you for Harry’s sake and then we talked at the dinner and then I was genuinely ready to start off on a new foot. I’ve been trying so hard to reach out to you and you’re literally avoiding me now. Like are you even trying at all? Because I don’t-” Your eyes began to water. Tom got too frustrated and cut you off,

“Y/n I can’t talk about this right now. Please, it’d be better if we discussed this another time.”

“What the hell? Are you being serious? You were a dick when we broke up, you were a dick when I tried to reach out to you, and now you’re being a dick for putting our so called ‘friendship’ on ho-”

“Y/n, stop! Ok? I get it. You can call me a dick and an asshole whatever you want, but this is all for you! Everything I do is for you or because of you! So just leave me the fuck alone, please.” His voice cracked when he said the last sentence. 

“What the hell are you talking about? What are you doing for me?” You stared at him confused.

“I can’t say anything, it’s for the best. Just drop it.” You looked at one another, tears threatening to fall out of Tom’s eyes, you hadn’t noticed you were already crying.

“No. I’m not gonna leave until you tell me what’s going on, Tom. I care for you and I want to be here for you, just tell me what’s going on please.” He looked at you and furrowed his brows making tears stream down his cheeks, it hurt to see you so sad especially since he caused it. He turned around in distress and brushed his hands through his hair before turning back to you. He looked into your eyes and sighed knowing there was no way out of this situation.

“I’ve been avoiding you because I told Allana you’re my ex.” 

“Ok and what’s so ba-”

“Let me finish, y/n, please.” You apologized softly.

“I told her not to tell anyone because I didn’t want to break the promise of letting the world know that we dated. A-and she threatened to spill the secret if I didn’t stay away from you. She said if I ever told anyone about what she said or if she ever saw me close to you again she’d expose us right away. I-I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship because I decided to be honest to my two-faced girlfriend.” All this information hit you like a train.

“Wow, what. a. fucking. Bitch.” You said stunned, Tom scoffed.

“I feel like an idiot for not listening to the boys and not seeing the red flags.” He sat back down and put his head in his hands. 

“Hey don’t worry, I didn’t notice anything either. Hell I tried to help her. Maybe we’re too gullible…” What you said didn’t really help so Tom began to sob a bit. You walked over to his side and put a hand on his forearm so that he could look at you. His heart was racing at your touch.

“Look, I know Allana is bat shit crazy, but…” You paused thinking if this was a good thing to tell him, “I uh I don’t think I can have you avoiding me all the time, I want you in my life,” He looked up at you surprised, “a-as a friend.” His heart dropped, was that all you were ever going to see him as? A damn friend? 

“Ok, but Allana will tell everyone, and I know how much you care about your privacy.” He said with a stuffy nose, you grabbed a tissue for yourself and Tom.

“I know, but we’ll figure out a way. We were clever enough to hide a 6 month relationship.” You smiled, but you both felt sad when you mentioned your past. He got up and wrapped you in his arms tightly. You swayed back and forth as you felt wet droplets fall on the top of your head, and you soaked Tom’s white t-shirt. You both weren’t crying only because of what just happened, but because you missed one another in a way that words can’t explain. You let out the tears you didn’t cry from when Tom didn’t respond to you and remembered the nights you’d go through old pictures of you and him alone. Tom was crying out all the tears he wanted to let out when he saw that picture of you and Gavin and from the nights that he craved your touch. He tightened his arms around you like it was the last time he’d ever see you. 

“Allana might be watching from outside the window, I’m gonna let you go now.” You said and Tom chuckled sadly letting you go, “We’ll talk about what we can do about this situation in the morning or another time.” You smiled kindly at Tom and he nodded. Tom grabbed your hand softly before you could walk away and pulled you close. You gulped because of how close you were to him,

“Thanks for being so kind, sleep well. Goodnight, y/n.” You smiled and replied,

“Thanks for being more kind to me. Goodnight.” You gave him one last hug and walked away feeling relieved while Tom still felt guilty despite what you said. He still felt like he needed to do more.

-

You woke up at 8 AM feeling a lot happier for some reason. Maybe it was because you cleared things up with Tom last night or because you were going to film a really exciting scene today with some new people. 

You walked into the kitchen, “Goodmorning boys!” You said enthusiastically walking up behind where Harry was seated and gave him a hug from behind.

“Ew why’re you happy?” Harry asked, still tired. 

“Morning, y/n!!” Tuwaine and Haz said in unison. You grabbed a bowl and poured yourself a bowl of cereal.

“Harry, when are we gonna watch your film, I can’t wait any longer.” You complained.

“Maybe when you come back from set, I want to go back to sleep after I eat.”

“Ugh you’re so lazy.” You joked, “where’s Tom, isn’t he usually up by now?”

Tuwaine looked at the other boys then at you apologetically, “He uh left around 5 this morning.”

“Oh for an early workout or something?” You asked, taking a bite of cereal.

“No,” Tuwaine cleared his throat, “to Berlin, Germany.” You choked on your cereal. 

“Wait what, you’re joking I thought he leaves in 3 days.” 

“I don’t know exactly why he left, something about needing a few days for himself before filming. Which I understand because he’s been working hard.” Haz said and you furrowed your brows, was it because of what happened last night? Harry noticed your concern.

“Y/n, do you know exactly why he left?” You wanted to tell him, but you couldn’t. If the boys found out what Allana said they’d definitely do something about it and you couldn’t let that happen. You shook your head,

“Nope, I’m just as confused as you are.” You said coolly.

-

“Are you sure you don’t know what was making Tom stressed?” Harry asked as he pulled up in front of the studio.

“Ya, I’m sure. He’s avoiding me, remember?” It pained you to lie to Harry like that, but you weren’t sure if you were ready to let the world know you and Tom dated. Harry looked like he didn’t believe you, but he let it go.

“Ok then… Text or call when you need me to pick you up.” You thanked him again for dropping you off and walked to the set. You saw Lana and walked with her,

“Hey, babes, did you see the text from Melissa?” You shook your head no. Melissa was in charge of scheduling which scenes would be filmed every day, “She said everyone needed to meet at crafty’s before going to sound stage 32.” 

“Really? Why?” 

“Not quite sure, but there’s been rumors that filming will be postponed.” Lana said sadly.

“Wait, you’re joking.” She shrugged and shook her head as you guys entered the food tent, everyone already looking disappointed.

“Hi everyone, as many of you know Covid-19 was just announced as a world wide pandemic and we’ve just been shut down from shooting anymore scenes at least for two weeks.” Melissa said everyone groaning, “Yes I know this sucks, but please stay safe and healthy while we’re shut down. If you have a trailer here please make sure you clear all your things out because there will be a cleaning team here in two days to…” You drowned Melissa’s voice out

“Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any worse…” You sighed and dropped your head on Lana’s shoulder and she patted your head.

“Lastly make sure you all stay in the same shape you are in now, so nothing looks different when we resume shooting.” Melissa hopped off the table and everyone began to clear out to get their things. You called Harry telling him the sad news. 

-

“I’m so upset, Harry, today sucks.” He patted your thigh as he made a right turn.

“It’ll be ok, love. I’m sure you will go back to filming in no time and you’ll actually miss having a break.” You just leaned your head on the window wondering if Tom at least made it safely to Berlin, and in that exact moment your phone pinged. 

Tom: Hi, y/n, I assume the boys have already told you that I left for Berlin. I just landed. I’m really sorry for not giving a warning, but the space is for the best. I hope you can understand xx

You were upset with everything and everyone at this point and Tom’s text just ruined your mood more. How does he know what’s best for you? Mad and feeling petty you texted back,

You: k.

Tom: Please, trust me, y/n. This will help out our situation.

You: Last time I checked running away from your problems never helps the situation.

You threw your phone back into your purse annoyed.

“Oh shit, what the fuck is she doing here?” Harry asked, displeased. You looked up to see Allana pulling into the driveway just before you and Harry did. 

“Great. Just fucking great. Harry, I think I’m gonna scream.”

“I think I will too. Can we just drive around until she’s gone?”

“That would be nice, but I think she already spotted us and won’t leave.” You pointed at her going to sit down on the porch. Harry groaned and pulled into the driveway. As soon as you and Harry stepped out the car she stood up and barked,

“Where the hell is Tom? He hasn’t texted me since yesterday afternoon, today is our 5 month anniversary.” Well that makes things more complicated. Harry looked at you with wide eyes, “What? Why’re you looking at her like that? Did you have something to fucking do with this, y/n?” She said giving you the dirtiest look ever. ‘Bitch I hope it wasn’t because of me.’ You thought. Harry got closer to you in protective mode.

“No no I swear. We were all surprised to see Tom gone this morning.”

“Gone? Where the hell is he?” 

“He went to Berlin early. Now if you’ll excuse us we’d like to relax in our home.” Harry said not letting you talk, almost standing in front of you now. You both began to walk past her, but she squeezed your arm tight and yanked you back. You winced in pain.

“You bitch what did you do? Don’t even think about fucking lying to me.” Her eyes burned into your soul.

“Allana, what the fuck you’re crazy! back off!” Harry said, pulling you back behind him, “I suggest you leave now before things get more ugly.” He said in the most intimidating way possible.

“Ok, but the only thing ugly about this is whatever y/n did with Tom. I don’t doubt for a second that you’re a stupid whore. I saw that photo of you laying on him last night, and I’ve seen how you flirt with Tom you sk-”

“Allana that’s enough, go now!” Harry yelled and she looked surprised. She glared at you before stepping back, “Stay the fuck away from Tom he doesn’t need your ugly ass all over him.” “Allana, sweetie, we live in the same house. Quite dumb of you to think we can really stay away from one another.” You laughed darkly as tears of anger welled up in your eyes.

“Ok then, cunt. Go near him, I dare you. You have no idea what I’m capab-”

“Allana, I said fucking leave!” Harry was tired of this shit. Allana scoffed and finally drove away.

Harry turned to you cradling you in his arms as you let tears fall down your face, “I hate today…” you hiccuped, “a lot.” 

“I know, I know.” He cooed. You looked up at him, “I know something is up, y/n. You need to tell me why my brother really left so I can help you.” You sighed and nodded.

“Ok let’s get you cleaned up.” He kept you close to his side and you both walked in. Tom was so wrong thinking him leaving would solve anything.

+++

Tag list:  @averyfosterthoughts​ @thollandx​ @mrsjeffwittek​ @panicattheeverywherekid​ @racewife2004​ @greatpizzascissorstaco​ @witchything​ @wheelertozier​ @runway-to-my-aid​ @rafficorn @jessirosebud​ @peterspideyy​ @superstarchick​ @jackiehollanderr​  @astridcommings @mineymak712 @hollands-osterfield​ @inhumanwithpowers​