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orlissa · 5 years ago

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Since @agenthaywood and I talked about this the other day, and since apparently I’m a bit of an insomniac, here it comes: a little intro to the Hungarian educational system. Because it’s a mess.

First of all, we need to talk about two things: classes and the matura.

Unlike (as far as I understand) the US, where you have kinship with the people you were in the same year with, in Hungary, you have kinship with the people you belonged to the same class with. Classes are teams, closed entities. It’s 20-odd (elementary school) to thirty-odd (high school) people, who have most of their classes together, except for specializations. So everyone in the class has basically the same schedule for the whole duration of elementary/high school. They take school trips together. They often compete as a team against other classes in their year.

And then the matura--the matura is the national, centralized exam that marks the end of high school. Each student has to take it in at least five subjects: Hungarian Literature & Grammar, Math, History, one foreign language, and one freely chosen subject (back when I did this, it could be anything. Now I think it must be some science subject). You can take each of those on two levels: “middle” or “advanced.” The middle levels happen in your own school, overssen by your own teachers. The advanced levels happen in unfamiliar schools (one appointed for each subject in each district), and you’re never examined by your own teachers. Advanced levels are of course harder, but the percentages for each grade are also lower. As far as I know, you have to take at least one advanced level matura. They happen in two rounds: the written round starting in early May (Lit & Grammar on Monday, Math on Tuesday, History on Wednesday, English/German on Thursday of the first week, with all the other subjects following in the next two weeks or so), and then the oral round in mid-late June (the middle level orals happen throughout a 2-3 days period, a person doing all of their oral exams in one go). The outcome of your maturas, given in points, determine your college admissions (but, like, for example if you wanna go to med school, your elective subject needs to be Chemistry or Biology. If you wanna get into an English as a foreign language program, you have to take an advanced level English matura. Every year, there’s a huge book listing all the programs in all the universities in the country, where you can check what are the exact requirements for each program).

Personally, I took advanced level Lit & Grammar and English, middle level Math and History, and middle level Art/Art History. All the programs I applied for were in the field of humanities, all asking for Lit/English/History/whatever, so I really only did Art for “fun.” I got 98% on English, 95 or 96% on Art, 90-something% on History, 90% on Math, and 84% on Lit (for middle levels, A starts at 80%; for advanced levels, it starts at 60%), which meant that after some complicated math, my overall score was, I think, 468 out of 500. That year you had to have 422 points to get into my first choice

Okay, so, yeah XD I told you it was complicated XD

Anyway, the actual educational ladder: kids go to elementary school at 6/7 (back when I was in school, if you were born during the summer, so you didn’t turn six by the time the school year ended, your parents could decided to keep you in kindergarden for one more year. Now I think if the kid turns 6 by the time the school year starts in september, he or she is required to start school), and it consists of grades 1-8, which is divided into two parts: junior (grades 1-4), where all the classes are held in the same classroom, taught by the same teacher, and senior (grades 5-8) part, where the students migrate between classrooms, and each subject is taught by a different teacher. BUT the class itself remains an entitiy--you attend grade 4 and grade 5 classes with the same people.

Then comes high school. High school application works pretty much like college application: 8 graders take a centralized, national-wide test on Math and Literature in January, and their scores there, plus their previous grades determine which high school they have applied to will take them. But, like... even this system is not as clear cut as it might seem at the first glance :D for example, I didn’t take the centralized test. My first choice of high school (where I eventually went) was out of town/district, and it was a special program that required its own entrance exams. My other choices were withing my district, but the december before I started high school I came second out of 200+ at an IT studies competition, which meant that I had “admission exam amnesty” or whatever. Basically all the high schools within the district were obliged to accept me on merit if I applied to them.

Okay, so elementary school finished, you go to high school--but not necesarrily the one that is the closest to your home. Instead, as stated above, you apply to different high schools, based on which one is the best/strongest/closest to your personal level. So, basically, C students will mostly end up in one class with other C students, B students with other B students, A students with other A students... You get the picture.

High school generally lasts 4 years, however, there are other programs as well. There are 8 and 6 year long programs--they have their own admission exams, and they start after grade 4 or 6. These are usually good schools, often require tuition fees and focus on foreign languages. Meanwhile, 5 years long programs start after grade 8, and have a “0th” grade which focuses on a foreign language (I went to a program like that--I had 9 English classes a week in the first year).

For example, my high school had 4 class in each year: Class A and B were 6 years long programs, A focusing on languages and B on Math, class C was a 4 years long program (general curriculum), and Class D was 5 years long (special government-funded program for gifted kids from difficult backgrounds.)

Also, there are different kinds of high schools. What I wrote above applies to what we call “gimnázium”--gimnázium teaches no vocation, and instead focuses on readying people for university. You are basically expected to go to university if you go to a gimnázium. Then, as per as current terminology, there are szakgimnáziums: they also ready you for university, and they end with the matura exams, but they also focus on a specific (usually white collar, such as accounting, healthcare, electric engineering, etc.) vocation. People who go to a szakgimnázium have to take a matura in their chosen vocation. And then there are szakközépiskolas: in a szakközépiskola, students study a specific (usually blue collar) vocation, and take an exam on that vocation after three years of study. Szakközépiskola do not end with the matura exams--if you wanna take the maturas, you have to stay for two extra years.

So, yeah... I told you it’s complicated :D

#hungary #personal #education

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monleonrpg · 4 years ago

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WELCOME TO MONLEON:

FULL NAME: Clement Oseguera Buchanan

OCCUPATION: Mayor of Monleon

AGE & D.O.B.: 42 & 2 May 1978

RESIDENCE: St. Rosemary District

ORIGINALLY FROM: Tampa, Florida

HOW LONG THEY’VE BEEN IN TOWN: Six months

BIOGRAPHY:

Clement Oseguera Buchanan was born, raised, and has lived in Tampa Bay, Florida for the majority of his life. The eldest son of Marie Oseguera and Simon Buchanan, a well known businessman in Tampa, his early beginnings were troubled by controversy––similar to his incumbency as Mayor for the City of Monleon––as his father believed he was the product of an extramarital affair. Nevertheless, Clement was raised in extreme comfort and would be joined by three siblings in the coming years, though his father’s suspicions remained. Marie Oseguera, the daughter of a grocery store owner in nearby Hernandez county, ensured that her son grew up enmeshed in the Latine community, and so his childhood was largely influenced by his Chilean relations. Yet, also, there was a sense of detachment to his mother’s family that his father sought to inflict, albeit subtly. Simon Buchanan was capitalism embodied; he’d made his fortune hand over fist, and believed in pulling one’s self up by the bootstraps. While not outrightly disapproving of his wife’s family, he wanted his son to follow the narrow path he had paved.

Clement adopted his mother’s surname while attending college––adjoining it with the formidable mark of the Buchanan family in 1996. He completed his undergrad at Columbia, an achievement that his parents celebrated both high and low, and subsequently returned to Florida to attend graduate school, and begin work as a political aide in Tallahassee, where he conducted political, economic and legal intelligence analyses. From a young age, Clement was drawn to the world of state craft and very early on dedicated himself to governmental affairs. Deciding that he would ultimately desire to hold office, his early efforts were almost always toward this end and he ensured that his private life remained suitably private, so as to not have any loose ends that could possibly cause him to trip on his own integrity.

He returned to Tampa at the age of twenty-five, working as a business labor consultant and an economics instructor at the University of Tampa. It was a job that he thoroughly enjoyed, but, with clear-cut aspirations for himself, he privately delegated the role as a mere stepping stone toward a greater goal. At the age of thirty, he was elected to the Tampa City Council, where he served dutifully for a number of years. During this time, Clement resided in Ybor and was thus heavily attuned to the struggles of the minority communities in the Tampa Bay area and structured the majority of his campaign around improving areas that had been pummeled in the recession and by increasing gentrification in the area.

Whilst serving on the Council, Buchanan was named the director of the Hillsborough Classroom Teachers Association––a local teacher’s union––where he campaigned zealously for teachers’ benefits in underprivileged areas in support of greater education funding. His ambitions were gradually met over the next few years, and would continue to be supported even when Buchanan withdrew from the council in order to run for Mayor. Furthermore, Clement managed to meet a woman and get married to her during his tenure as City Council member; she positively influenced his public standing with her glamorous lifestyle and Onassis-esque charisma, and the union produced two daughters who swiftly stole his heart, Izabel and Dulcie Buchnan. (In light of his children’s births, the idea that everything could be scarified for a greater good gradually chipped away.)

The decision to run for Mayor of Monleon was in truth twofold; he was at a zenith in his career, a time when his public perception was at an all time high due to his success with the HCTA, and, if he was being honest with himself, it felt validating to be able to physically look down at the naysayers who’d discouraged his career in politics. Secondly, his children were on their ways to attending, respectively, kindergarden and first grade, so it became an ambition of his to raise his daughters in the warm community the city of Monleon fostered. He also knew that his chances of running in a town like Monleon would prove far more auspicious than running in Tampa, where the stakes were higher, the conditions murkier, the public harder to sympathize with. He campaigned for Mayor against the incumbent in 2019 and won, elected to the seat in January of 2020.

Although his time on the Council was ultimately successful, it shaped his reputation in a way that could be perceived as being belligerent, a rhetoric that has followed him into his incumbency as Mayor. Buchanan is highly vocal and advocates dogmatically for what he believes in; he does not let sleeping dogs lie and refuses to be walked over. He has, at times, been accused of caring too deeply for his own pockets and those rumors that he is not his father’s true kin have again reared their ugly heads among Monleon’s conservative population who rally and campaign against his sweeping progressive ambitions. Nevertheless, Buchanan is an extremely determined man; he paid his dues as an intern, a lower man on the totem pole, but these days you won’t find him groveling for support or funds. He has them in his back pocket, and expects those who he once took shit from to treat him with the respect he has undoubtedly warranted given his rapid upward mobility. As for his integrity, the thing that once shaped his persona? Well, it quickly became a ‘if you can’t beat em, join em’ situation–– he lies and cheats with the best of them, but he also does it, in his opinion, the best. Clement has learned everything there is to know about how to make the city function smoothly, and, of course, the exact opposite; how to gum up the place so it came to a grinding halt. Still, in the public eye, Clement is extremely charismatic. He’s a flawless orator, and is there at the front lines of every disaster and, too, at every celebration––making his face and name one associated with both relief and triumph. He’s a family man, a Catholic, a proud man of colour with the quintessential family to boot. (Which, by the way, has in itself become a half-truth. His marriage ran its course years ago, and remains only a front––for both their public benefit, for their daughters and a recently welcomed son, Luca.)

As for what’s next? He has the next four years as Mayor, but the rest is undetermined.

CLEMENT BUCHANAN is portrayed by SANTIAGO CABRERA and written by MEREDITH.

#a #m

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msyaarchitect-blog · 6 years ago

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Best Architects for School, College in Indore, India

Constructing a school is a very big task; it requires proper planning and managing. To do such a task, the most important aspect is to select the right architect because an architect is the person who decides the road map of the entire construction and in case you wrongly select the architect who is not an expert in this field, it will lead to wastage of your funds as well as your infrastructure because they will use your resources inefficiently and it will lead to an increase in unnecessary cost.

MSYA:

MSYA is an architecture and interior designing company running in Indore, Madhya Pradesh. It provides services of Architectural Consultancy, Interior Design & AMP; Urban Development on PAN India.

Constructing a school:

An educational institution must have proper and adequate allocation of space for various departments and activities. The most important infrastructure facility that every school must have is sanitation facilities for girls as well as for boys. The failure of providing proper infrastructure has a direct impact on admissions and participation of students. For example, the lack of facilities for sanitation will cause health issues for girls. So, with MSYA we build infrastructure that has simple and aesthetic architecture.

FOLLOWING IS THE LIST OF CONSTRUCTION PROGRAMS SUCCESSFULLY UNDERTAKEN BY MSYA:

1. SDPS WOMEN’S COLLEGE INDORE

2. Tirthanjali Education Society Library

3. Kindergarden for thought Adventure

4. Ideal International School

5. Baroda School

6. Acropolis MBA College

7. Acropolis Engineering College etc

In all MSYA educational projects, their quality of developing architecture for educational institutes is exceptional. They provide very relaxing and calm colours to the walls as well.

It is very important to develop good sanitary facilities to create a proper environment to learn.

MSYA architects also won an award in building SDPS WOMEN’S COLLEGE Indore in the year 2009.

For more information regarding any services,

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#Best architects for school college Indore India

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tornrose24 · 7 years ago

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I've read all of your Jumanji ideas and I have to say I'd love to see a fic about it at some point! Personally, I'm more intrigued by Krupp getting sucked into the game. It's a smooth way to incorporate CU's character and make an interesting plotline about his time in the game. Not that Edith getting trapped inside WOULDN'T be interesting, I just think you're idea with Krupp is more intriguing and has more ways that you could flesh out an interesting story. Just my opinion, I'd def read either.

I would too. The thing is that I don’t know if this would be one I’d want to write out just yet (I’m trying to balance a few things and my urge to write a Tangled AU is slowly getting stronger). Not everything is fully formed in my head.

I am leaning more towards Krupp getting trapped over Edith because it makes more sense. And it would be interesting if the school was actually a lot worse than when it was under him–it wasn’t a GREAT school to begin with, but imagine things getting so bad that the school had to shut down due to lack of funding and what not. It’s to the point that a lot of kids might have to be split into different schools (and the actual Piqua doesn’t have a lot of schools as far as I know) and this is a concern for the boys.

I don’t think Benjamin being trapped in the game did him too many favors. Like in this AU the real world is more like our own, but the one in the game is the bizzare insanity of the fictional world of CU where anything can happen and not a lot of people are nice to kids and get rewards for it, etc. The longer he was stuck in there, the more jaded he grew and gradually lost hope–the one thing that helped keep him sane was the photo to help remind him that he belonged in a different world and that there was someone out there who had wanted to be his friend.

Though Krupp becoming CU was now because he reached a breaking point and tried to destroy the heart of the game or at least tried to do something incredibly extreme to try to get out. The game responded back through the hypnosis and the only way it can be undone is if the game gets finished. This is also one of those cases where Krupp and CU know each other exist, but CU is far more patient about escaping than Krupp because it’s easier to embrace the insanity and be a hero for him. However, he makes sure that the photo stays protected and he never abandons it because he still has an awareness as to why it’s important.

Also, Krupp didn’t make any friends (or meet anyone long enough to regard them as someone to trust) in that world. So in some ways it was also isolating and ironically the only person he could confide in ended up being his other self.

So by the time Krupp escapes, CU is in control at the time and the boys don’t realize that he’s actually the infamous missing boy from so many years ago until the switch is triggered. I think the relationships both personas have with the boys would be about the same as in canon, but Krupp is dealing with some serious trauma over what happened and what he lost out on and he doesn’t have a reason to hate the boys until they make him resume the game AND bring Edith back into the mess. He only tolerates them because 1. They freed him 2. They helped him out somewhat before he found Edith again 3. Again, if the game is finished he can be freed from it and his other half once and for all. Again, he would eventually stop being afraid and he’d try to be nice once more, but it would be almost too late by the time he’s ready to actually thank George and Harold.

Meanwhile, CU is instantly on good terms with the boys but the craziness of the game forces them to bring him out frequently and he can get a little TOO into trying to fight the baddies who all have a grudge against him. (Also he’s more open with his feelings towards Edith than Krupp is).

So by the time the game is finally over and Benjamin and Edith are returned back to that night when they were kids, it would be like in the movie where all those lonely years can be erased from existence as well as his mind, and he’s also finally freed from the hypnosis for good. But now he knows what could happen if he lets himself get alone and bitter again, so he’s going to be braver and more open minded/open hearted about things.

He’d also stay in touch with Edith but I think the game would only allow them to remember that they met each other again and it’d wipe away the more romantic elements for awhile because let’s face it–they both need their childhood back and it would be SUPER awkward if they had to live that out with that knowledge while one is getting close to his middle school years and the other is probably supposed to be in kindergarden. Eventually they’ll be adults again and they can have a romantic relationship but not while they’re still kids.

(Though it wouldn’t stop Edith from giving Benjamin an innocent kiss on the cheek before they completely forget).

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electronicthesaurus · 4 years ago

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Okay, so let me explain to you why you can't find a common thread among American School Systems. It's because there isn't one.

Schools in America are almost entirely locally governed, including their taxes and funding pulled locally. So no one can tell them what to do because no one but local tax payers controls their money. (also not entirely true, laws differ state by state) It doesn't just differ state to state or county by county. It differs school district to school district. School districts were often founded 150-200 years ago and sprung organically from whatever small one or two room school houses locals built and hired a teacher for circa 1840-1880. I know this because I've lived in a bunch of states and taught 7th grade math, and my Mom worked for our local elementary school board for a while. One of the districts she consulted in had placed schools so they were easiest to get to on horseback from all the tiny hills and hollows in 1890 and only in the year of our lord 2014 were they finally consolidating 20 or so 2 or 3 classroom schools into 2 elementary schools to be easily accessible by car.

Individual School boards get together every year and decided what breaks they will do just for their school district. Schools in New York City might decide to give jewish holidays off instead of christmas. Some school districts in texas make middle school 6-9th grade, and have high school be only 3 years. Where I live in Colorado now, our school district governs pre kindergarden through high school, where in California where I grew up we had separate school districts for elementary and high school. We also only have a 4 day school week in my Colorado school district, and each tiny town has its own school district (a graduating class where I live in Colorado is 70 people, the next town up in its own school district is 30) where every single school in Los Angeles and most of its surrounding suburbs, some 4.8 million people are all under one school district.

Even school buildings themselves differ vastly in how they look. In colder climates everything including hallways tends to be inside in one big multi story building, in warmer snowless climates the schools are much more spread out and open air in many different buildings with corridors between them roofless. Heck in New York city alot of schools have sports facilities on their roofs and may be 5 stories tall. I got to visit a school on the Navajo reservation that was made of trailers and traditional dwellings and kids rode horses to school.

There are some generally agreed upon principles. It's illegal not to give your kids some kind of schooling. Though the age at which you have to attend until differs, but is generally 15-18. Kids are generally divided up into three schools, Elementary, middle, and high school. Though sometimes you may stay on the same campus. My elementary and middle school were two buildings that shared all other facilities on the same big campus. Where I live now the middle school and high school are one building. Schools are much more than academics, there's after school sports and activities. Once you're about 11-14ish you stop staying in one classroom and get separate teachers for separate subjects. There's usually parent associations called PTA's or PTO's. School is 8-3ish. Except for mine wasn't, mine was 7am- 2:30 except Monday, wednesday, and friday where I sometimes got out at noon. There's usually a long summer break, but again that differs school district to district. In Colorado where I am now its May 20th ish to September 9th. Where I grew up it was June 6thish is to August 20ish. It also changes year to year based on the school boards whims. This may not be true if you live in a huge city with limited facilities. Some schools in Los Angeles for example, run two graduating classes a year because they have so many students they need to use the schools through the summer. There's also usually a Christmas break, except of course if you live in a more jewish or muslim etc. school district where you might get a small winter break and other important holidays off instead. Do you live in a school district where a lot of people ski? Maybe throw in a week off in February just for funsies.

Also depending on your funding and how rural you live you may or not have lockers or school busses, and what after school sport you play depends on local popularity and funding. It's alot easier to play basketball when you live in a big city and don't have room for a football field.

As for college this highly depends on where you live, and how wealthy your family is.

So basically for writing purposes, decide where your character lives and visit a local school district website. And good fucking luck.

this is goin to be a very weird random question lol but i've always wondered,, in australia do u go to school at the same time as ppl in the northern hemisphere (start september, finish june, have summer break july-august?) or do u have it swapped and start school on southern hemisphere time fall (which is?? march? maybe) and then have classes til the end of the year and have a summer break in the beginning/at the end of each year?

this is a great question because Australia has a VERY simple and straightforward school system, writing american fanfic involving schools is a nightmare for me because researching it never fails to make me angry because y'all make no god damn sense

to start with a bonus fact, in Australia we only have two schools (excluding pre school), that's primary school (years kindergarten to 6) and high school (years 7 to 12), we don't have middle school

all school years start at the end of January (maybe early Feb some places) and finish in mid December, we have 3 sets of 2 week long holidays spread evenly throughout the year, breaking the year up into 4 school terms, the 4th and longest holiday period is christmas

and that's it

I have no idea why the rest of the world starts the new school year in weird places like September

also couldn't fucking believe how long summer holidays are in america, I had to look it up for a fanfic once and damn near lost my mind that is an insane length of time, I never understood why summer camp was a Thing until I realised it was how parents coped with having their kids off school for so long

WHY ARE Y'ALL SO WEIRD

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belporama · 7 years ago

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The Night Mayor of Amsterdam in Munich

I actually met the night mayor of Amsterdam. No joke. I was introduced to this new concept at a panel discussion. A night mayor takes care of subculture. They have one in Amsterdam, but in other places too. Its a new concept...

So in Amsterdam they fund clubs, but only if the content is creative, line-up is based on equality, there is loyalty to the local community and during the day the place acts like a community centre, with kindergarden, and shared work space.

The amazing thing is, in Amsterdam, they have come to understand that the places where people rave over the weekend, the clubs, are basically the cornerstones where one can build around the entire local community gathering and interacting. This is quite radical, 'cos it takes the club away from that criminal / belittled thing to the very heart of society. Totally forward-thinking, IMHO.

Its hard to find societies that came to consensus that people partying are not a problem, but a solution. Amsterdam seems one of them.

The night mayor of Amsterdam will not fund clubs with a VIP area, 'cos its bullshit elitism, not inclusive, and allows no cultural interchange.... YES.

I found it always interesting that in neoliberalism and ultra-capitalism nightlife is either elitist or considered criminal or nasty. ... Come on, people having fun are the problem? Oh, "they become unproductive", right...

Dealing with the issue where neoliberalism and ultra-capitalism consumes arts & culture and generates the so-called Creative Industry is a big problem.

Believe it or not, in Munich we have someone from the city payed by tax money teaching artists doing subculture how to write business plans and sell their "products" to survive in an economically harsh environment, instead of giving that tax money directly as support.

Its the final consumption of subculture into capitalism. Everything must sell. Its totally neglecting that subculture is one of the last pockets outside of the commercial realm.

In my hometown Munich the society seems to agree that basically all subculture is OK as long as it is being consumed, and then the government will not spend money to support that subculture, but rather do business advising how to better make that subculture adhere to consumerism.

The problem is when this becomes the only model, by the city, surpassing real funding, because then its just that, subculture needs to sell, otherwise its not worth anything. And that is entirely wrong, because it misses the point completely what subculture is, and can be, and should be. Relevancy of subculture is on a vector that is not aligned with the vector of consumerism, but these two vectors, can, sometimes, cross, but mustn't. Nightlife can be such a crossing point.

We must not discuss the defintion of culture or especially subculture. But we can discuss things like, why, on earth, are Operas being funded with a lot of money, and on the other hand a young artist gets no funding but a tutorial how to do a business plan?

We can strip the funding for the Opera entirely, too, of course. But thats already in place. So apparently, like it or not, there is some consensus within society what kind of culture is worthy of funding from tax money and what should be self-sustaining. And this is the debate, can we discuss that on a more democratic level, like, why one thing and not the other?

Definitions of culture vary from person to person. Thats fine. But when governments choose a definition and link it 100% to consumerism, we may discuss that definition & the validity of that approach.

Or like someone else has put it: "You should get support to be an artist so that people who aren't rich can be artists. Instead they are saying, people who want to do that, have to do all this economics business school crap. It has to be FOR capitalism, primarily existing to make money and not supported if it doesn't."

(Photo: Z. Spindler)

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ramblingsandruminations · 8 years ago

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When Suicidal Ideation is the norm

All the help in the world becomes a muddy puddle of shitty affirmations, thorned gaslighting, and useless guilt. If one more person tells me "have you tried yoga/deepbreaths/vitamin B..." Ugh. Who am i kidding? This is tumblr, where you can always find somone who says exactly what you are thinking ( #omgmetho #datme #meirl ). Weve all heard the "stop giving advice and atart taking it " speech, we're all likely to have read some post about the "evils" and " abuses" of therapy and inpatient treatment, and I'll bet a paper hat, some vending machine doodad, or some shitty-yet-adorably-hipsterly prize that within 100 reblogs someone links to some news article about "Queer Youth Completes Suicide And We Think You Will Pay Us to Feel Bad About It, Don't Forget To Like, Share, and Subscribe to Trevor Project, Your Reblog Will Save A Life (And Keep Us Relevant For Our Advertisers)." Tomorrow(well, next daylight hours) my 26-year-old depressed college freshman self is going to walk into my schools coubseling office and tell them i never recieved the location for the therapist they reffered me to (true story--Honestly not avoiding treatmwnt, even if it is useless) and request a second referral. Ill sit through some lecture about self-advocacy veiled in "concerned questions" and once again be misgendered, deadnamed, and criticized for giving a fuck (note: commenters looking to describe me with the word "cuck," i see you there, good for you, let me know how that white kkknight holier than thou red pill rage fest dopamine addiction is filling the gaping void of existential dread within you). After that, there is always a small chance they'll see just how depressed i am, and faster than you can say "looney is a word based in misogynistic beliefs of womens mental health and menstrual cycles being unhealthily and unscientifically connected to the moon," ill be fielding questions which boil down to "do you want to kill yourself" and "do you have a plan." By this time in my life, i've gotten pretty used to BSing my way around psychology. All it really takes is knowing that all they can take you on is your word, and nothing else. "Do you want to kill yourself?" they ask, and i reply "*short pause, heavy, short exhale denoting weight and truth* Well, yeah. But quite frankly, suicidal ideation is a part of my everyday life- nothing i do isn't plagued with some form of "i should wrap this mouse cord aroubd my neck and die" or " i wonder if that branch is strong enough to support my weight" or "man, my head hurts, but i bet a bottle or two of ibuprofen could make it stop." For me, its not a question of wanting to die, its a matter of what do i have to live for, and ive been through enough inpatient DBT and group therapy to help me cope, using breathing techniques and self-care tips to push me through the worst of it." This is usually if not always all they need to hear. Sure, im depressed, but anything they could tell me is something i know and am already doing-i sound to them more like a patient leaving inpatient than one entering it. Our hospitals are overfilled, understaffed, prqctucally unfunded; if im "stable" im staying out of their ledger book. Occasionally, they still worry, having one of those "consciences" their peers claim to have lost when a schizophrenic patient tried to bite their ear off, and ask a follow up "but are you sure? You seem distressed, and if you need some help, we are here for you," to which all i have to do is look at them through sad, but strong eyes and say "Thank you, but i have a great support network of friends and of course, my boyfriend. He's fantastic, and one of the most important things to have happened to me. He keeps me on this side of the dirt." A small tired chuckle, and their focus diverts towards affirmations of how good it is to have support, their therapy brains running on autopilot. Then all it needs is some "active" listening, uh-huhs, and compliant assurance that ill keep working on myself to assuage them of any guilt or corncern. Maybe, though, ill tell them the truth, and let them take me in. Three hots and a cot, after all. I'll fight through my dysphoria as they ogle every nook and cranny of my malformed body trying to see if im hiding a weapon or some drugs; I'll continue to insist on a private room and remind them calmly yet firmly that no, i will *not* room with a male, and their lack of knowledge on how to treat a transgender non-binary patient is well behind on proper treatment according to WPATH, the APA, and our state govt. When i get a room, theyll say that i should take as much time as i need to get acclimated, and not worry about what the rwat of group is qorking on, and then contradict themselves within 5 minutes and say i need to go to group, theyre waiting on me. In my fresh new scrubs, ill walk in and within seconds, ill identify how th staff monitors who came in when (usually different colored scrubs based on different halves of the week, and of course, anyone likely to leave within 48 hours wearing "normal" clothes), and see the therapist or doctor talking about emotional management techniques. When i sit down, eeyes will be on me, some with looks of angey jusgemwnt, some with awe and wonder: what could THEY be in for? The group leader will ask me my name, ill state it and my pronouns (to several uncomfortable shifts in the room), and theyll let me know what they were talking about. Ill make a good effort to participate, play along, etc. Someone in the group will be desperate to control the conversation, talking more and more as if this entire experience is just for them- another person will be too dissociated to say anyrhing, despite the doctors attebpts to get them to open up. Already, the cliques will become apparent; humans are aocial creatures, after all. When we leave for the next scheduled activity (either rec or lunch, depending on the time) the docs will be watching me- im on suicide watch, and they expe t me to jump out a window or try and slit my wrists with a paperclip or something. Im not a danger in this regard; ive been threatened with solitary and ECT if i dont comply before- i am their prisoner and i must comply. Within an hour or two of being there, ill be able to notice how well funded they are (or more likely, arent.) The quality of their reading materials; the availability of puzzles abd how well taken care of they appear. Recreation will be the most bare of kindergarden activities; coloring books, maybe a tv with basic cable. A daycare for adults, abd not the cool buzzfeed articles. Someone, probably an addict, will be trying to fanangle their attendee into giving them special treatement- a snack, or an extra smoke break. I'll be sitting in a corner, smirking- the staff arent even an eigth as dumb as this person thinks, and they've seen this type before. They might get something, but itll cost them sour looks from staff and less accommodating treatment with the doctors. After the second hour, we'll have another activity (second group, rec, or maybe "outside time" if its a particularly fancy facility; while the sun will certainly be shining, our feelings of freedom will be dampened by the high fances and walls keeping us from getting away). This is usually wheb the realization sets in that im stuck here for 72 hours plus, and ill be counting them down to stave off boredom. 15-30 minutes in to this third hour, ill be called in to meet tye psychiatrist, fisrt meeting with an attendee to fill out the generic details, then 30-45 minutes of diagnosis before im told ill be put on ab antidepressant, an anxiolytic, and tramodol, a sedative marketed as "something to help me sleep" and "another antidepressant" which makes me laugh every time. Tramodol is the auppressant, the "slow down" drug which helps keep everyobe on a nice, calm level thats safer for the orderlies. Were i violent, id concur; instead, i begin to wonder how long it will take before i no longer feel persistently asleep once i leave. A couple weeks, likely. Hopefully, the food will be good, but not likely 5 star- one place ive stayed had been cooking for us in the break room, sometimes PB&J, sometimes microwaved quesadillas. Maybe theyll have more drink options than coffee, water, and sugar-free koolaid- maybe not. Likely not. Some of us will complain; most of us will know it is a fruitless endeavor. After another group or two, it will be dinner, then wrap up group. We will discuss what progress we think we made today, and be sent to bed after meds are distributed in little paper ketchup cups. Most places wont do the "cuckoos nest" tongue check, but some will, particularly the ones with kleptos and pill ODers. Lights oyt will be around 10 pm, the beds will be plasticky and the blankets thin, and sleep will only cone rhanks to our sedatives. Day two, we'll be woken early, around 6-7, by an orderly checking our blood pressure and body temp. Well all gather in the hallway, rubbing sleep out of our eyes and head to the eating area for breakfast- which loooking back will likely be the best meal of the day, not the least be ause we have access to augar and caffiene. By now, i will likely have made a friend, probably with an older woman or two, and we will enjoy surreptitiously smirking at each other when the teoublemaker patwnt tries to get an omlette or something silly. Someone will start telling fanciful stories dreamed up in the night; talk will eventually turn to who is leaving today. The orderlies will be trying to not look too interested in what we reveal to each other instead of them. They will not succeed in this. Ths first morning they will use as a test of how i deal with frustration. An older nurse will act exasperated, as though taking care of me is a curse she was tasked with. She will try to cut theough any response i give her, and rudely discount anything i try to say, as if accuaing me of lying. Knowing it is coming doesnt help it hurt less. If it overwhelms me, ill be labeled as dramatic- if not, as detached. Sluggish from the new medications, i will be treated as though i ahould not be here, and will be led aroubd more quickly than i am rady to be. I will notice that part of it is that i am beginning to realize how broken down i feel i am. Reaching out will result in canned answers and "the doctor is busy's". After all, this iant about me, and theyve seen my type before. At lunch, i will be upset by the bland meal, abd ask if they have any hot sauce, or maybethey will be out of a preferred tea, or the food will not be enough to feed me. The newcomer who arrived at morning group will share a look with the quiet patient. I will try not to notice the parallels. A therapist will ask to talk to me today. It may be a nice session, but will essebtially boil down to "let me give you ideas for solving your problems, so that your depression seems more managed." By the end of the day, they will already begin my release plan. Theyve fixed me, they are sure. I will also get my clothes back. The aurvey will be slightly different today; instead of asking on a scale of 1-10 with 1 being best abd 10 being worst how was my day, it will be the opposite: scale of 1-10 with 1 being worst and 10 being best. This way, they can track how much is me being honest, and how much is me remembering numbers to fake it. (Once, a nurse messed up so often that it was a sentence by sentence change). Later, if there is any improvement, it will be used by the hospital as signs that treatment is helping; if it gets worse, that i had a rough day and shouldnt think much of it. Bedtime will come, and i will relish it- being sedated takes a lot out of a person. When morning comes, the eggs will feel soggy and cereal with be a much better choice. A bagel will be carried into morning group and more DBT will be discussed. I will mostly be checked out; they are pulling most of their material from a 12 step program, and the leader is a student of psychology learning how to help people, but ive heard it all before, and that sense of guilt just pushes me towards suicide harder. At this point, ill feel just how desperate they are to get me out; nurses eill hint at things being the "wrong" answer with " you dont REALLY mean that, do you sweetie?" and " well, you cant keep thinking THAT way, or we'll have to keep you here longer." Boredom and longing for home will encourage me to pretend to be better, and not tell them how last night before falling asleep i stared at the vedfrane wondering if i could take it apart and form a springwire noose, or tear the blankets to make a rope. When they ask if im feeling better, it will actually mean "are you done with your timeout from reality? Have you learned how to fit in properly yet?" The meds wont really begin having a noticable effect for months- they know im lying. What they hope for is a glimmer of hope and a mountain of guilt for wanting to hurt others by hurting myself. Ill fake those, too. Still, ill be misgendered. Still, theyll blame hormones and buzzfeed rather than neurology and chemistry. After all, im well-adjusted, not at all like the Caitlyn Jenners and Wachowskis they read about on their facebooks. Its just a phase, and im just confused. I didnt try to hurt myself- nothing is *really* wrong with me. What can i do? Try and strangle myaelf, or others? That just means im lashing out, and ill get a new med regime and another 3 days, this time strapped down. Being strapped to a bed and left alone is mind-numbingly boring. If i tell them i still want to kill myaelf, theyll just nod their head and tell me it will go away soon; if i say i have a plan, rheyll keep me playing chess and reading AA papers until i apologize. Their job is not to fix me, their job is to stabilize me and make sure i dont break myself more. The fixing is my responsibility. Day four is release day. They will claim i have made improvements and have me fill out an action plan for when i feel depressed again. It will include people i can call, and ways i can push through bad feelings. It is my exit exam.when i pass, ill be set up with a therapist outside the hospital later in the week, and told how to connect with various resources. They will think i didnt know there were trans support groups. I will think that if it was just a support group i needed, i wouldnt dream of death. Neither of us will admit these things. And so, ill come back to school. Late on homework, i will have to prostrate myaelf with dictors note beggibg for forgiveness. I will get it, more due to policy than empathy, and at the end of the day, i will lay in bed, stare up at the ceiling, and contemplate which of my top three anchor spots would be the best ending to my story. Other than medical bills, nothing will have changed. Life drones on. I think i understand why death seems,so much better. In death, i can pretend there is a solution. In death, i can imagine a cure. In death, i can envision a caretaker and easier existence. It doesnt matter that death is the end of it all- i can pretend it willl be more, and my imagination can create many comforts in that void. But even death is a lie, and nothing will ever stop hurting.

#psychology #depression #inpatient #suicidal ideation #existentialism

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arcanakrp-blog · 8 years ago

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YANG SHIAH – THE CHARIOT. AGENT 07.

[ FILE TYPE: CLASSIFIED ]

//: LOADING PROFILE: YANG SHIAH ...

international age: 21 birthplace: auckland, new zealand arcana: the chariot team number: 12

//: LOADING MUTATION: PHOTOKINETIC SURFING ...

application one: photokinetic shaping — a manifestion of light manipulation. shiah has the ability to solidify light into tangible matter, and shape these structures by power of thought alone. at the moment, the most common way in which she uses her power is to direct streaks of light like tracks, or rails, upon which she can glide, or ��surf"— hence her main classification. however, she is not able to create light, nor are all wavelengths of lights within the grasp of her manipulation. there is hope she may one day be able to form more long lasting constructs, or integrate it fully into her fighting style; the current limitation may be seen as a reflection of her personality, as she tends to avoid all types of conflict

application two: enhanced reflexes — enhanced reflexes mean that her brain may respond to what happens around her at an instantaneous level without any direct command. dodging a bullet, or a punch, or catching a projectile mid-air are both relatively easy tasks for her, though sometimes this can be incredibly impractical as well. lack of impulse control follows hand in hand, and it is difficult for her to control her responses to fear, excitement, or any other strong emotion. you may just see her jump half a second earlier at a scare than anyone else in the room, or instinctively smack someone way too hard if they have a bug on them. in the field, this is very practical, but at home it is more of a novelty— if at times an inconvenience

application three: enhanced agility — where reflexes are related to the capacity of one’s brain, her enhanced agility allows her complete nearly any physical task presented. be it acrobatics, free running, flexibility, or muscle control at a super-human level, she can often complete it without any prior preparation. together with her superb reflexes, her subsequent spatial intelligence is what enables her to travel at the high speeds she reaches in the field, as she rarely stumbles and falls. however, she still needs to maintain her general physique through intense work-outs (the tiniest gym rat you’ll ever see), as well as study different techniques and styles by which to conduct herself

overall strengths and weaknesses: — the availability of light is often a source of concern for her, as shiah is not able to create light, only redirect what is made available. lamplight is the easiest for her to work with, as the steady output means a practically infinite supply. her leeching off of these lightsources may also temporarily dim them or make them go out completely, which may either give her location away or conceal her. she can also, in some capacity, generate light as a means of distraction, though she is limited by distance.

her position in her team is directly related to her ability to move rapidly, and to take others along with her. this is somewhat more complicated, as the person has to be very close to her, and it generally takes a little more light (or clever allocation of it) to carry a number of people. she also has to take into consideration that others do not have the same heightened senses, such as balance, that she does, and thus this also tends to be a slower way of traveling, if only slightly. she also cannot stand still and ‘float” upon light. momentum is key in surfing; as with water, so too with light.

while her mutations tend to work more towards flight rather than fight, she is capable of inflicting some damage by manipulating light in such a way that it may burn or blind an adversary, or use it to aid herself in combat by increasing her maneuvaribility. reflexes combined with agility generally makes it easier for her to dodge an attack than to deal punches. while she is very strong for her size, she’s cannot overpower a trained fighter by force alone. tricks are her best chance one on one, though she often avoids such confrontations entirely.

settling in to a body with new power has also taken its toll on her; at times, shiah finds it difficult to trust her own capacity, especially because she is still subject to the pain that follows these incredible exertions. she’s pulled muscles in field more times than she can remember, and even broken fingers and toes as a result of her most extravagant stunts.

structurally, there are few landscapes she is not able to maneuver effectively, due to her combined abilities. stress rarely factors in as a disadvantage, as her reflexes enables her to utilize her skills nearly autonomously, but rather a lack of light sources as well as her own knowledge of the area may be what complicates things.

//: LOADING HISTORY ..

PRE-MUTATION

thea yang is born in the early spring of 1996, in auckland, new zealand, to two excited parents and one snotty brother.

she’s a good kid from the start, sensitive and careful, so wholly inoffensive that her greatest vice seems to be only that one can’t find any specific virtues either. her kindergarden teachers call her ’an absolute pleasure’, and her parents are so proud.

not as proud as they are of her brother though, but that’s different. he’s a natural talent, noah is the next big thing, all of his shortcomings redeemable by all the wonders his talent inspires in those less fortunate. thea is mildly impressed by this development, but knows better than try and compete. her grades are decent, her presence appreciated but invariably dull.

eventually though, noah does manage to impact her life— he gets so good that auckland, suddenly, somehow, is too small, and not good enough. there is a contract and a promise of a new life waiting in korean, and her parents hesitate not one moment to uproot her for everything she knows. they call it going home, back where they belong, but thea isn’t so sure.

her friends don’t last through the move. she isn’t mad at them, because they were good kids and they made her time at school enjoyable. that’s just how it went. she misses them for about a week or so, anyway, so it’s not like she can take the moral highground in this development.

seoul, south korea is where they drop off in early 2011. new house, new school, new everything. her korean is clunky, she goes by her alternative name, shiah. no one asks twice about it.

whether or not they care that there is something else, another name which feels more like home, is debatable. not that it matters, but in any case, she would’ve wanted more people to know than what she ended up with.

surprisingly though, she takes well to her new life. high school isn’t as gruelling here as she’d imagined, and public schools have a way of curating such an intriguing blend of personalities that she finds her crowd relatively easily. where previously her tendency towards privacy had been seen as rude, here it was mysterious, and she accepts this idea wholeheartedly. quiet, thoughtful, and interesting— that’s who she is now. neither popular nor unpopular, neither explicitly invited nor left out.

a couple of girls and a handful of boys become her lifeline, once noah, now sejun, leaves home. the departure of her brother subsequently marks the breakdown in communication between shiah and her parents.

these friends stay around for longer: through the reveal that she won’t make it to university, neither the grades nor the funds are there, and through the period of self-inflicted isolation she goes through immediately after graduation. shiah wonders why they’d stick with her, but ultimately doesn’t want an answer.

a new normal is just beginning to settle in when the meteor shower occurs. she’s working in a record store, discovering an affinity for music she never explored before, sleeping on friends’ couches, and slowly coming to terms with this. it’s not what she wants, admittedly, and a debilitating sense of desperation keeps her from fully enjoying herself. she figures that’s what life is, disappointment and acceptance.

but then, slowly, things change. she thinks she might be going crazy when flashes of light flicker around her feet as she runs up the stairs late at night, or how her physique seems to change without any effort.

where once, she was stiff, she contorts her limbs into seemingly impossible positions with ease, which concerns her family physician but thrills her friends.

it’s not until word comes of something else, another chance at life granted to her by some freak accident that shiah begins to realize the full extent of her abilities. what first seemed like lucky coincidences now seem a part of something entirely different: a grand chain of events where she’s granted communion among people of similar status. she takes the chance without hesitation, and she leaves everyone behind.

POST-MUTATION

she’s prone to disappointment, always has been, but arriving at the arc and learning about her powers is everything she could’ve dreamed of. at first, at least.

a morbid level of loyalty develops as they continue to train her: she doesn’t question anything they tell her. not when they push her to the brink of exhaustion to stabilize her powers does she resist. she has this brand new persona to work on, see, and the new shiah is nothing like in her old, disappointing life.

any chance she gets to impress, she takes. always on time, surfing through the hallways on those rare mornings when she wakes up a little late, helping to stand guard and catch those who fall, and ever willing to demonstrate whatever moves they’re tasked with. she’s no better than the others, really, just more willing.

that gets her far, but it doesn’t last.

the social aspect is what gets to her first. she can tell which people have had it easy, and which have had it hard. she questions her own gratitude and suffering in relations to theirs. lacking the confidence she once had, her first year at arc effectively becomes a story of a gentle fall from glory. as gaiman once said: wherever you go, you take yourself with you.

and everyone can tell, naturally. she starts spending more and more time with mental training, trying to overcome the mental blocks that form as a result of the performance anxiety, the insecurity in groups, and how prone she is to isolating herself. they say they want the best for her, and she believes it.

the missions offer her some solace, and temporary escape from her headspace. assisting her teammate becomes a source of fulfilment. her perceptive but understated nature becomes an asset in the field, and the rush of confrontation, if anything, excites her.

whether this is a sustainable development or not, one can only guess. for now, she’s slowly moving back towards contentment, and that in itself is enough to give her hope for the future.

#arc.app #arc.chariot #fc.jennie kim

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