#more for myself to keep track but anon u might just gave me a little personal side project eheeye | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

shoichee · 4 years ago

Note

ok hear me out. aomine x f!reader who’s on the tennis team and is amazing at it. for a while the reader and her team need to share the gym on the same days as basketball practice. during the days they share the gym aomine notices the reader. somehow aomine finds out the reader is also good at basketball, practically at aomine’s level. you can decide what happens!! it can be a head cannon or a type of one shot :)

I AM HEARING YOU OUT ANON, WE HAVE ANOTHER BANGER REQUEST THIS IS FIRE look inhale, what a genius, okay so i don’t play tennis myself, but I have a lot of friends who do... and trust me.... it’s a lot more exertive and difficult than what it appears to be

Aomine x f!Reader

[Headcanons]

if Aomine was a monster on the basketball courts, you were a monster on the tennis courts

the only reason why he hasn’t heard about you until he first saw you was because tennis tends to be not as a popular and broadcasted sport as basketball // the tennis games themselves are often single-player (doubles exist too but still less people on the same court) and relatively quiet with few audience members watching too

it was a MIRACLE that Aomine was there at the gym today (thank Wakamatsu for threatening to burn his porno mag), and luckily for him, he didn’t even had to practice as hard because the tennis club had an agreement with Touou’s basketball coach to occupy the other half of the gym

enter you, putting down your duffel bag and stretching before you do a few warmup tosses and hits against the gym wall while the nets were being set up

for the first half of practice, both sides were busy with their own practices, so Aomine hasn’t really noticed you

it was until the team got a break to catch their breath that Aomine noticed that the tennis team were still doing drills and practice matches; every single eye was drawn to you

Sakurai immediately comments on how your movements were too similar to Aomine’s, and Imayoshi is equally intrigued that you might as well be the tennis-version of Aomine

at the chatter, Aomine slightly perks up and looks to where everyone was pointing at (you), and quietly watches you while still looking “bored,” until he realized how right they were

your agility is top-notch and your instincts to immediately sprint to the right direction were insane; your change of pace from 0 to 10 in acceleration were even more seamless than Aomine’s at times, especially when you stand at a ready position and suddenly burst to the other side of the court to save the ball from the corner

not to mention you have your own fair share of trickshots and unpredictability in trying various ways to tire out your opponent in chasing after the balls you hit

Sakurai loudly wonders that if you played basketball, would you even be able to defeat Aomine?? and the entire team STARTS ANALYZING AND DISCUSSING amongst themselves and doing bets LMAO

Aomine’s impressed, but he’s still somewhat “meh” about it, since “the only one who could beat me is me” is still an attitude he carries around, and you do give off a vibe similar to Kise where you could easily copy techniques easily if you do play basketball other than tennis

little did Aomine know, you also noticed his exceptional skill with the ball and how he can do trickshots and dunks with ease… you turn to your friend and ask if that’s even possible

your friend stares incredulously at you and asks, “How do you not know? He’s one of the Generation of Miracles!”

of course you didn’t know if you’ve been focused on tennis all your life, but being in the sports world, the title of “Generation of Miracles” does ring a familiar bell

your friend (who’s also your partner during doubles matches) also plays a little bit of other sports on the side, including basketball, and during breaks, your friend would often ask you to play a small game together because seeing the Touou basketball team playing got them pumped up

your athletic ability would translate very easily into basketball, since having reflexes, agility, instincts, and change of pace would all be advantageous in sports that require mobility (just like how Koganei’s instincts from tennis were very useful in Seirin)

so whether or not you played basketball didn’t matter dramatically because you had skills and abilities that would be universally beneficial in most sports anyways

you always gave your friend a run for their money when you kept stealing their ball, did fast breaks, or pulled off agile maneuverings that no beginner player would be able to do, and whenever your tennis teammates did their “ooh’s” and “ah’s,” the basketball team would peer over to see what the commotion was about

they were LOSING their shit at how naturally talented you were at basketball, and Imayoshi has a bad great idea of inviting you over after practice to do some quick one-on-ones with Aomine for his own entertainment

Aomine is kind of excited if he was being honest, and his blood is kinda pumping and he’s a bit giddy to find a potential rival other than Kagami

Momoi is a little worried for you because Aomine might be a brute and hurt you, especially since you’re a girl, but she’s just as excited to see someone potentially knocking down his ego a shit ton if he loses

Momoi and Imayoshi both walk up to you on the last day of “shared” practice at the gym and ask if you can spare some time to do some one-on-ones with Aomine, and you agree because you don’t have much to do anyways

your friend is super excited for you but a little nervous at how you’re so casual in going against a GoM, but nevertheless, both the tennis and basketball teams are in the audience watching Momoi throwing up the jump ball (Aomine is giving you an arrogant smirk and you’re just standing there more focused on the ball than him LMAO)

as expected, Aomine easily grabs the ball (since he knows the rhythm in jumping for this a lot better) and immediately starts dribbling down the court at an inhuman speed, expecting a swift victory

nope, you immediately reacted to his speed and immediately cut off his drive when you’re right in front of him… and you immediately swiped for the ball, Aomine almost didn’t react fast enough to switch handles to escape your reach

but you immediately reacted and reach for his other dribbling hand and slap the ball away, and then you bolted with the ball down your court

Aomine is right behind you, shocked out of his wits, and everyone else is in HYSTERICS in the background

“HOLY SHIT, did you see that?!”

“(y/n), kick his ass!”

“Ho? Aomine, you’re letting her beat you so easily?”

“I knew those porn mags didn’t do anything good for him.”

“U-Um, Wakamatsu-san…”

Aomine thinks it’s a fluke that you got the ball from him, but he’s shocked because you weren’t exactly a Kise, and you even had a reaction time similar to Akashi’s on top of that

he tries to steal the ball back, but you did something unpredictable: using a similar movement when you hit the tennis ball with your racket, you slapped the ball to bounce (at an unfamiliar speed/rhythm) through his legs before you sprinted to dribble the ball in a normal drive again

shooting was a different story though because Aomine is always blocking your shots or stealing it before you can even get into a shooting position; after all, shooting requires use of muscles different to when playing tennis

even so, you made it equally hard for him to score

ultimately, Aomine’s superb shooting abilities expectantly made him won the short match, but he even had to resort to some crazy trickshots, so your reflexes would kick in slower than normal to register those shots

for those who have no clue about tennis (spoiler alert: me), a tennis racket is a lot more bulkier and heavier than it appears to be (much different than a badminton racket), and it takes a lot of arm strength to play with it very fluidly without wasting energy

thus, dribbling was easy for you, and your ball handling was pretty unique but still very hard to keep track of

now Aomine won, but everyone is losing their shit at the fact that you managed to get him to sweat so much and putting in effort (cue Wakamatsu and Imayoshi trying to recruit you to join as Aomine’s practice buddy to get the Touou ace to practice for once)

now, if it was a two-on-two match, you and your friend would definitely destroy Aomine and whoever would be unfortunate enough to be his partner (cough, Sakurai), for the sole reason that your impeccable teamwork in tennis doubles carries over to basketball matches, where Aomine has always been a solo star player

you damn know well that Aomine would constantly bug you to do one-on-ones with him, but he’s secretly whipped for you and doesn’t know how else to ask you to hang out with him other than a match LMAO

you do remind him that you’re a tennis player first, and you prioritize your team above all else; that means if there’s tennis practice, you’re going to those no matter what

that just reminded him of Kuroko (nostalgia, angst, and feels enter here)

he reluctantly shows up to watch your tennis practices along with Momoi because sleeping on the roof has gotten “boring,” and Momoi finds incentive in finding any techniques she can pick up from you to use for basketball strategies

he may have secretly watched your tennis matches, both singles and doubles

you definitely have watched Aomine’s matches, noticing there’s something odd with him at times, like he wasn’t trying his best like he did with you

after a heartfelt talk with Momoi, you do feel like he needs to get out of that mindset on his own, since his stubborn personality wouldn’t listen to you and you knew that from the amount of one-on-ones you played with him

then the Winter Cup came and Seirin won in their “revenge match” against Touou, and you were captivated by Aomine going ALL OUT in that match (you also took some notes to use for your own tennis matches)

Aomine drags both you and Momoi to buy some new basketball shoes after Touou’s loss, and from that point on, both of you are technically practicing basketball together, but like… you’re not complaining because you’re getting extra cardio in

you get better at basketball, enough to even beat him once in a blue moon in one-on-ones, but then he wins the rest of the matches against you tenfold LOL

Momoi loves you because you’re one of his main motivators to practice

when Aomine himself tries to play tennis singles with you, it’s quite hilarious to see him missing the tennis ball every time when he serves because it’s so TINY but it’s so heavy?? so it falls to the ground quite literally if he’s not precise in hitting it LOL

gauging distance between the net, back of the court, the ball, and his arm positioning is a nightmare for Aomine because he’s used to grand courts and GIANT distances and TALL hoops, and him being precise and meticulous in a much smaller area feels so restricting

of course you whoop his ass in tennis, that’s a given

give him some time though, he’d be really good at it really quickly once he adapts to his surroundings

bonus: Koganei FREAKS out seeing you in the Winter Cup in the audience because you’re a literal tennis legend, and the entire Seirin team is going ???? at him // he totally fanboys a bit and asks you to meet with his Seirin teammates, and you agree because you wanted to meet the team who gave Touou and Aomine a run for their money

you do one-on-ones with Kagami because you’re curious, and when Aomine hears of this… it’d be a CHAOTIC scene once he storms over to drag you away from Seirin

extra bonus: it’s not unusual to see you use your tennis racket to thwack him in the head when he gets any funny ideas of staring at your teammates’ shorts/tennis skirts or when he’s doing anything dumb in general

#knb #kuroko no basket #knb headcanon #knb headcanons #aomine daiki #aomine daiki x reader #aomine x reader #knb fic #knb fics #knb aomine #TENNIS LEGEND TENNIS LEGEND

230 notes · View notes

mingiswow · 3 years ago

Text

Missing you | Ahn Hyejin

Pairing: gender-neutral reader x Hwasa

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Words: + 1k

⚠ English is not my native language, so pardon me if there's any mistake. And you can always tell me what's wrong.

⚠ Also, I don't even know how people text in English lol so sorry if it sounds ridiculous

Request: helloooo!!! im back to request another mamamoo x reader fic if thats alright with you since i loveeee ur writing🙃 This time may it be a idol!hwasa x bestfriend!reader? Could you make the beginning angsty due to the reader moving far unexpectedly/in a short amount of time which makes hwasa angry, and they leave messily or on bad terms? ~time skip~ The reader comes back permanently unannounced and surprises hwasa, and they finally feel that they no longer want to be "just friends" and possibly kisssssss or just have a super sweet/fluffy ending???

Sorry it took me so long anon but I hope you enjoy 💖

You couldn’t sleep the whole flight, your nerves getting the best of you. It has been months since you left Seoul to fulfill your dream to study abroad.

It has been months since you last spoke to her.

“what do you mean Europe?” you knew you should have told her earlier. Her, your best friend among everyone. The woman you unfortunately loved. “You’re going to another continent for months and you decided to tell me two days prior?” you could tell Hwasa was angry but could you blame yourself? If you had told her since you got the news she would want to spend even more time with you. Be the last days with you. And that would only make your heart ache even more.

“I wanted to tell you before but…” the voice got stuck in your dry throat, you had no valid excuse except for the fact that you loved her and leaving her behind would hurt you.

“I thought we were best friends Y/N…”

“We are! Hyejin please don’t do that. I know I was wrong for not telling you earlier, but I was afraid. Please understand me” you took a step closer. She took a step back.

You could feel your heart shatter in your chest, she was angry, and she had the right to be.

“Afraid of what? Hurting me?” you nodded, not caring to hold the tears anymore. “I got news for you Y/N, you already did”.

Those were the last words she ever said to you. And to be honest, it couldn't hurt any more.

Your phone started to buzz by your side, Wheein, her childhood best friend and also your friend, was the one sending you messages.

After you left Hyejin hasn’t spoken to you at all, avoiding your messages and calls. You gave up after a while, going to her friend to get some news about her.

📲 I’m already at the airport waiting for you.

Thx for picking me up

📲 no worries babe

📲 I'll take you to my house first, ok? So you can take a shower and rest

📲 I prepared some food too

awn ur the best ❤

thank u for taking care of me

You heard one of the cabin crew women announce the landing and within less than an hour you were stepping into Seoul's lands after months.

You searched through the crowd of people at the place looking for the familiar face, which you found holding a lovely poster with the words “welcome home cheater” and Moonbyul by her side. You ran to them, hugging their bodies tight and crying.

“I can believe you’re finally here!” the youngest told you with a smile, holding your shoulders and looking at you like a mother. “You’ve changed… but for the good. You look amazing”

“You mean tired” you joked with her, you probably looked like trash after hours inside a plane.

“Just a few bags under the eyes but nothing like a nice and warm shower won’t help” the eldest smiled, helping you with your bags. “welcome back kiddo”

The three of you grabbed your stuff and headed to Wheein’s house. The ride was fun, the girls were filling you with questions and more questions about the country you were in, the people, the culture, they sounded like little kids and it helped you get your mind out of Hyejin.

“Go take a shower first, then come to the kitchen” the singer said as soon as you arrived at her place. Nodding and thanking her once again you headed to the well-known guest room where you used to crash when you went to parties together or when you got too drunk to go back to your apartment.

You let the warm water hit your head and shoulder, releasing some of the tension held there. You knew that, at some point, you would have to confront her, to talk to her, but you were too afraid she wouldn’t want to even after all these months. After all, she never answered your messages.

After drying your hair and putting on some comfortable clothes, you headed to the kitchen, distracted by your phone. “Tell me you made me s-”

“Hi” you stopped in your tracks and words when you saw her in front of you, standing in the middle of the room.

“Hi” came as a whisper, your heart beating louder than your actual words.

“I think I owe you an apology” you shook your head, denying. “No, I do. I was so childish for not understanding you and for not answering you all this time”

“I-it’s ok” you managed to get out before clearing your throat. “I was very stupid for not telling you before. I… I was afraid to tell you”

“Why?” you looked at her, your eyes always looking at the ground the whole time. “Why were you afraid to tell me you were finally fulfilling your dream to study abroad” the woman took a step closer to you. You didn’t move.

You didn’t know what to say or how to say anything without spilling your true feelings. “You know… While you were away I took some time for myself, to think about everything”

“It was good?”

“Yes. I realized a few things” you nodded, a sign for her to keep talking. She took two steps closer to you. “I realized that I got sad because I couldn’t spend your last days with you properly like you deserved. That I felt betrayed and unworthy of your trust. Did you not trust me? Wasn’t I your best friend?” Hwasa took a deep breath, getting right in front of you. So pretty. So close. “But then I realized I wasn’t your best friend. I would never be… because you don’t see me like it. And that’s ok because the most important thing I realized is that I don’t see you as mine either”.

Your mind was racing, traveling all over without knowing what to think or what to tell. What was she trying to say? It was what you thought it was?

Before you could say anything, her hands held your face in place so she could touch your lips with her soft ones. It felt like you were on cloud nine, in some kind of fantasy movie or even a dream, and if so, you didn’t want to wake up.

She broke the kiss, a smile on her lips that were touching yours seconds ago “I don’t see you as my best friend because I like you more than that. And I’m sorry I was such a bitch with you and letting you wait”

“Don’t worry. It was definitely worth it” it was your turn to kiss her, this time enjoying, even more, the touch of her skin on yours. “By the way, I like you more than a friend too”

“You owe me five bottles of soju. I told you they were in love” you heard Wheein screaming at the kitchen with Moonbyul, making you two laugh before sharing another kiss.

Being away for a while wasn’t so bad after all.

Requests are open (even tho it might take me some time to answer lol)

52 notes · View notes

frogtanii · 4 years ago

Note

this is literally just a random scenario that popped into my head and i thought i should share. i even took it upon myself to write it out? but imagine this: atsumu coming to check up on you after the interviews knowing that you were upset, and it ends up with him forcing you to dance with him to the song "Love My Way" by the Psychedelic Furs.

warning: this might be complete garbage. also!!!!! i tried to make this as gender neutral as possible and if there are any mistakes please correct me!!!

________

it was safe to say that ever since the start of the interviews that each member of the house was required to attend, your mood had drastically declined. you usually considered yourself a strong person, but with the resurfacing of old and unwanted memories, at this very point in time, you were at your most vulnerable. the walls that you had built around your heart began to crumble under the immense pressure you were being put under.

its not that you didn't trust the boys, although that isn't to say that you fully trusted them yet, but you couldn't trust your own ability to fully contain your emotions at the moment. mainly because there had been one thought that would constantly plague your mind at all hours:

they're only being kind because they feel guilty.

no part of you truly wanted to believe that, but if there was any chance it was true and you happened to run into one of the boys, you would never be able to meet their eyes again.

so, you sought out refuge in between the sheets of your bed. both the pillows that swallowed up your tears and held your head up when you couldn't do it on your own and the warm sheets that held you in its arms, provided the comfort that you couldn't receive from another.

you could express yourself freely when you were here. all the insecurities and fears that you were forced to bottle up when you were with the others, could spill into this little sanctuary of yours, and no one would be there to judge you. but peace doesn't last, not forever.

knock, knock.

deep down you hoped that it was Yachi who had decided to disrupt your peace, because truth be told, you weren't ready to interact with the boys yet. holding grudges wasn't your cup of tea, but the damage had already been done and if there truly was a possibility that the boys were only being nice out of guilt, you wanted to be strong enough to handle that. but right now, you weren't.

your suspicions stood true as you opened the door to be met with floppy yellow hair with big, warm eyes staring right into your own.

"Hiya, angel." His voice came out breathy as if he were making sure not to scare you off or rattle you.

Miya Atsumu. the one boy who, despite the rest, never demanded too much from you or had ever been harsh to you. it was ironic, the fact that he called you angel, when in reality, he was the true angel here.

you greeted him back with a small smile, feeling too tired to use your voice. but atsumu being atsumu, he didn't let the fact that your smile never quite reached your eyes go unnoticed. stepping aside, you let him fully enter your room before closing the door. not completely, letting a sliver of light peek through the cracks, as you always did when atsumu came by.

after closing the door, you decided to make you way back to your bed, but not before a larger hand wrapped itself around your wrist. halting in your tracks, you turned back to look at atsumu who wore something that faintly resembled a frown.

"c'mon angel, did ya really think that I would let you keep moping around and sleeping all day?"

unfortunately for him, that was actually what you were thinking. the bed looked too good and your feet were starting to get cold, so going back to sleep sounded a lot better at the moment.

when you hadn't answered, atsumu decided to speak up once more, "you did, didn't you? you really are something, ya know that angel?"

completely turning his back to you, atsumu rummaged around your desk for a few seconds before turning around to face you again. you stood there confused for a few seconds until you heard a familiar beat of "Love My Way" fill up the walls of your room and two large hands grasped your soft ones.

(i would suggest playing it now!!!!!)

There's an army on the dance floor,

It's a fashion with a gun, my love.

In a room without a door,

A kiss is not enough in...

a small smile washed over your lips before you were being pulled into the middle of your floor. atsumu's feet had started to shuffle ever so slightly in order to match the beat of the beginning of the song. pulling your arms side to side, bank and forth, atsumu attempted to make you dance. you were simply giggling at his antics and bouncing your head ever so slightly, but this only gave atsumu more motivation to keep pushing you.

Love my way, it's a new road

I follow where my mind goes

slowly but surely, you were warming up and even starting to move you feet. giggle kept slipping out here and there as you watched atsumu jump around you in circles in a poor attempt to actually dance. but as you were laughing at him, with a small spark present in your eyes, something warm spread through atsumu's entire body.

...There's dust in all their hearts,

They just want to steal us all and take us all apart...

staring down at your face, atsumu took a mental image of the way your eyes crinkled when you laughed and just how wide your smile was able to go. his eyes scanned over your cheeks that were now colored a light pink as the angelic sounds of your laughter bounced on the walls. atsumu was never one to miss any small detail, no matter how clueless he could act at certain times, and when it came to you, nothing could ever be missed by him. in literal terms, you were truly all he ever saw.

But in,

Love my way, it's a new road

I follow where my mind goes. (x3)

Unbeknownst to atsumu, you were watching him just as closely. despite not being able to fully believe that the others were as kind as they were because they actually cared, but because they were guilty, you could never have any doubts about atsumu. his heart was true and he was one of the few that you were truly able to confide in. so, then and there, you made a decision. in this moment, you were going to choose a different path. the sheets that once wrapped you in their warmth were no longer necessary, and the pillows that once held your head up when you couldn't, were no longer needed.

So swallow all your tears, my love

And put on your new face.

You can never win or lose,

If you don't run the race.

you decided to walk a different path, to let go, even if it was just for a second. just for this second. even if the others weren't true to their word, it would no longer mattered. because as the song slowed and astumu's arms crept around your waist, with yours around his neck, things felt secure. you felt free and you felt safe.

you could walk this new road as long as you had him. as long as he had you.

- abel

--------

This extremely long I am SOSOSOSO sorry, please feel free to ignore this LOL

I might write more in the future if thats ok with you? so I decided to give myself a fake name because chai anon really inspired me!

Anyways, I absolutely loved today's chapter! Make sure to take proper breaks and drink water! <33333

how,,, could u say,,, this was bad?????? BESTIE M SCREECHINF THIS IS SO GOOD i am so down bad for tsumu esp after this i can’t :sobs:

#j’s asks #anons babey #℗ poker face #abel anon

39 notes · View notes

coffeeandcalligraphy · 4 years ago

Note

were lonan and harrison in a relationship? could you ~maybe~ share a romantic (as romantic as them two can get) excerpt between the two of them?????👀👀👀🥰

OH so u want the tea anon, I shall SERVE. This will probably make more sense if you have context on the series (which I briefly summarized HERE) but I’ll try my best to add context as we go. Here’s a comprehensive breakdown of the entire relationship! TW: this relationship is a little toxic, so tread carefully, mentions of trauma, blood, also lots of old, sorta cringe writing in this one!

1. The initial phases

The boys have had a very complex relationship from the start. At the time, I was very young, so I hadn’t sorted out sexualities for any of my characters, and over the years, they’ve all progressively come out to me, which has been a really wonderful experience.

Lonan is introduced 1/3 way through book two, when the series was still very YA dystopian. When he appears on the page, he’s been Harrison’s coworker in the ~~government, so they know each other well. They’re also nemeses. They dislike each other fiercely, but it’s kind of endearing. Clearly they have a history no one knows about (including myself), whether that’s as friends, enemies, both.

At the time of meeting, both boys are in relationships of their own, Lonan with his first serious girlfriend Holly who is Foster’s (Harrison’s best friend) sister, and Harrison with his first girlfriend, Margo, which always didn’t work (because! Harrison! is! gay!).

2. Getting warmer

In book three, the boys still hate each other, but with even more passionate vengeance. Harrison is angry at Lonan because Lonan keeps ruining his life (does this sound familiar) and Lonan is mad for no reason (does! this! sound! familiar!). This is the book where Fostered’s protagonist, Reeve, finds out Lonan is actually her half brother, and this very much changes the dynamic between Reeve and Lonan who go from trying to kill each other to ~~bonding, which by proxy, changes the dynamic between Lonan and Harrison because Harrison is essentially an older brother figure to Reeve. They’re kind of forced to make some form of amends in this book, but don’t become allies until 1/2-3/4 through.

Big tea is that they take a solo trip together and this is where I first hint at the SHIP (ft. Harrison’s very kind nickname for Lonan: Loner). The squad discussing romance:

“Really Foster? With Loner? Oh my god, out of all of the guys in this world, you paired me up with Loner?”

“Yeah, well why not? You both seem awfully close–”

Foster on Lonan and Harrison’s relationship:

“You guys are practically a married old couple. You even have nicknames for each other…”

3. Making progress

In book four, the boys have amended their destructive relationship, somewhat, and are kind of friends! Between books three and four, we can assume they’ve gotten closer as Harrison seems to know things about Lonan’s past that even his sister doesn't. I’d say they have a pretty productive friendship at this point. Lonan, however, starts a pretty intense romance with a woman named Glenne who reappears in Feeding Habits, and Harrison finds a dog! This is really becoming too similar to what’s happening currently oh! Here’s the first moment where I began squealing at this ship:

The both of them lie on their backs, staring straight up at the ceiling. Blood pools from Ris’ nose, slicing his cheek in two. Lonan’s eye is black, tears still seeping from them in slow, agonizing lines. They don’t look at each other. They don’t speak.

But when I look down, they’re clutching each other’s hands, so tightly, the blood between their fingers drips to the floor.

THE SHIP THE SHIP THE SHIP

4. The ship?? is it sailing??

In book five, the boys seemingly have gotten even closer! The boys have a lot of one-on-one time before the start of the book because they create an entire underground empire together lol but Lonan’s mental health has taken a dip for the worst as past traumas from book four follow him into book five, and Harrison is a big support. Their emotional intimacy has deepened, even if they are only friends (Harrison is single and READY to mingle but Lonan’s still in a relationship with Glenne).

Here’s a line where Reeve states “so haha Harrison is the only person who can make my brother feel better”:

I’ve brought Harrison with me. Not because I don’t trust Lonan, and what he’s capable of, but because I think, out of every one of us, he’s the only one that can get through to him when he’s like this.

I mentioned Lonan’s mental health is not doing great, and at its worst point, Harrison goes out of his way to do the difficult task of tracking Lonan’s mother, Izzy, down so that he can have more support. He pretends to reach out under the guise that he’s actually Reeve:

“Don’t tell him,” Harrison breathes, running a hand through his hair. “The last thing I want him thinking is that I gave enough of a shit to actually, I don’t know, care about him.”

“But you do, don’t you?” Mom laughs when he only flushes deeply, taking a final sip on her tea, which must be nothing but lukewarm at this point. “Seriously, Harrison, right? You two are such teases with one another. You bicker like a married couple.”

5. Harrison says I love you:

(it’s in a funny context but STILL)

“See, this—this is why I love you, Lonan.” Harrison says, swipes the tears from the corner of his eyes with the heel of his palm.

“What did you say?” Lonan asks, and not even biting his lip is enough to stop the goofy smile that peels across his face. “Did you just use the L word?”

6. This ship has come to a halt??

At the end of book five and the beginning of book six, Lonan and Harrison are not on speaking terms. This is because everything seems to go wrong for everyone at the same time. Harrison keeps secrets Lonan wishes he hadn’t, etc. Lonan and Glenne’s relationship falls apart and no one is happy.

Here’s Reeve saying Harrison’s heart is broken over how badly he feels for Lonan and that loss of friendship (SOFT):

I always wondered with Harrison and Lonan, if it were possible to have your heart broken over love that wasn’t romantic... Harrison’s heart broke over Lonan’s torment.

Reeve explains the state of their relationship:

Lonan and Harrison haven’t shared a word since their fight. But we’ve all had duties to tend to, so they’ve still been forced to interact, but even then, it’s radio silence. Sometimes there are glares and scowls involved, but other than that—nothing. It’s the longest they’ve gone without talking, as far as I know. Ris and Lonan might have had a similar conflict when they were co-workers, but from what I’ve witnessed of their relationship, this is more than just a warning sign.

The two make amends after a few weeks of not talking because mutual friend of the squad, Darren, calls Harrison to be like “haha so Lonan and Reeve are disasters please help” and so their reunion is kind of forced:

[Harrison] knows [Lonan and I are] standing there. The involuntary twitch of his ears, the tense of shoulders when the weight of both our stares pin them down. He knows. But he doesn’t look up. He keeps his attention fixed on the bubbling eggs in front of him, the old red spatula that now misses its spot in the cupboard.

Lonan immediately takes a step back, almost knocks me over in the process. It’s not shock, it’s not anger, it’s nothing. Just a passive jolt that makes him clench his jaw, and pull himself together. His eyes, as usual, are safeguarded, prepared to launch back any form of advance.

“You guys gonna stand there for the next hour, or what?” Harrison turns as he says that, and it’s a sting, yet relief when he looks at me first, and not Lonan. “Seriously, you can talk if you want to. It’s not gonna bother me. You look lovely, by the way.”

Silence, but around the skin I peel off my lip with my incisors, I say, “Thanks.”

“Actually,” Ris unzips his jacket, throws it over the back of one of the chairs. “I was talking to him.”

At this point, we feel a few things: a) Harrison is done with Lonan and his toxic patterns but still cares b) Lonan feels somewhat suffocated by Harrison’s attempts to help and the relationship, though a little more civil, is still volatile.

Their second reunion again, is inevitable, which Reeve explains as the squad set out to rescue Foster lol:

Lonan’s coming with us too. That wasn’t my call, or Harrison’s, even. It’s mutual, albeit wordless, the agreement we have that we’d rather find Foster without him. Though his motives steer somewhere closer to wanting to avoid pissy attitudes, we both know Lonan’s of no use if he’s injured. And from the looks of his eye that’s gotten worse, crusted in blood, like a leaked pipe gooed over, and the lacerations across his ribs, sewn shut by my unsteady hand, he isn’t ready for a mission like this. But who am I to control him. I’m not his mother.

7. Back on track?

Reeve outlines a false backstory for Harrison’s iconic leather jacket in the 250-word sentence from a few years ago (she’s in Harrison’s room) and we hint at an actual, palpable romance:

...pretend not to have a flask of whiskey hidden behind his headboard, drink out of it when he falls in love and drink out of it when he falls back out of it, meet a boy who will drink half of it with him, who will hurt him, and hate him, who will be pasted in polaroids behind the map he’s tried to cover him up with, who he’ll kiss and take a picture with, sometimes both at the same time...

8. Or not

But when she brings the romance up shortly after, Harrison seems a lil *tense* about it:

“I saw those pictures. In your room. Behind the map? I saw you. You kissed him.”

Harrison’s jaw trembles. Clenched by the joint, skin concave in the bone. Takes another puff of the cigarette but almost bites off the tip. Curls of the cherry wood table catch under his fingernails.

Harrison denies his feelings for Lonan, tho from the above, we’re not exactly sure why:

“You’re wrong.” And then louder, when I don’t say anything. “You’re wrong. I don’t like your brother.”

“Then why are you hiding him from [Emily]?”

From this, we can assume the boys had somewhat of a productive, healthy romance threaded through the end of book 5, and in sprinklings in book 6, though it seems to not be in a very hot place currently. We see flashes of this in the “mini” stories I’ve written about the boys (Lampshade, Fishbowl, and Mandarin).

9. Jump into Moth Work

In book 6, Lonan has a bit of a resurgence back into a bad frame of mind when something bad happens to his sister and he feels he could’ve prevented it. This leads closer to the present of Moth Work as Harrison makes the decision to take him to his father’s cabin on the west coast, a place he hopes Lonan’s mother, Izzy, will be. She is there, but unlike the first time in book 5 where she helped him, Izzy’s a bit far gone with her own problems, namely a drug addiction. Lonan is unhappy at the cabin, tho this decision leads us into Moth Work as the squad, except for Lonan and Harrison, leave the cabin for the east coast.

In Moth Work, the relationship seems to be teeming into unhealthy as both parties (but mostly Lonan) need to work on themselves. The entire book centres on this conflict as a) Harrison tries to help Lonan who is still unwell, while struggling to realize this is just something he can’t do and b) Lonan struggles with accepting himself and also being a better, accountable human.

10. Oh god here comes Eliza

Lonan is so hyperfocused on himself and understanding his traumas that he struggles to prioritize others over himself, even when he doesn’t mean to. This becomes really emotionally exhausting for Harrison, so in ch. 5 of MW, they physically split. Lonan winds up in Las Vegas, looking for Eliza, his father’s ex-girlfriend, and OH BOY does a bizarre, unplanned (for all of us lmao) romance ensue. This relationship takes a nosedive, even in its best parts because its foundation is laid upon mistruths.

11. Harrison is back

In chapter 12 of MW, Harrison, who’s been entertaining a romance with someone else in the interim, appears at Eliza’s apartment to make amends with Lonan who he can’t seem to shake off (he’s a pesky moth haha). This shakes them both as a) Harrison isn’t sure about Eliza and her potential motivations, and b) Lonan, without Harrison, most definitely knows he’s done hurtful things to “better himself” (which is actually toxic).

12. Lonan says I love you

Lonan realizes how important Harrison is to him, and while they both inevitably know their relationship isn’t going to work out, which Harrison hints at, they share a wholesome moment at the “beautiful place” which I mention in MW writing updates:

“You’re not coming back with me,” Harrison says.

Lonan takes hold of the guardian angel, and gingerly, like it’s fragile enough to crumple, brings it to his mouth and kisses it. His lip glints, just as the angel does, in the moonlight. He lets the angel fall, swaying like a pendulum, and pulls his hand back slowly. Quietly, he says, “I think I’ve loved you a long time.”

13. Inevitable split

Harrison makes the decision to not stick around for Lonan because he’s realized it’s actually unproductive for them both to try to make a relationship work in the state it’s in. Structurally, Lonan needs to change, and he realizes that. Harrison leaves Las Vegas to live with his mother and that leads us to Feeding Habits.

14. Where are we in Feeding Habits?

Lonan has been in a strange relationship with Eliza for about six months, and Harrison’s been living with his mother in NYC after a few destructive instances that prompt her to host an intervention. While Lonan learns a lot about himself and grows a lot in this book, Harrison struggles because I really think he’s hurting over the end of their romance. This is truly a hurt bae moment.

TL;DR: Lonan needs to work on himself & be accountable for his actions before he gets into a relationship with anyone, and Harrison has to learn when to keep his emotional spoons for himself and that he can’t control how much he helps someone, even when he wants to. In my head, I know where the relationship ends (happily ever after), but this is just the very, very beginning, so there’s a lot that both sides need to work out before we get there.

Since you particularly asked for a romantical excerpt, the last chapter of MW is under the cut. It’s imperfect but I think it kind of sums up everyone’s feelings pretty nicely.

--Rachel

Chapter 15: Summon Away

He sees Lonan once the next morning. Sitting at the kitchen table over a cup of steeped tea—something floral and springy. Harrison watches him from the couch and can’t remember at what point he fell asleep last night. He’s not sure if he even did—if all he remembers is Eliza leaving, and then a blank wall.

Lonan is reading the newspaper. Every few minutes, he flips the page so new cheap colours and words blot against his fingertips. Harrison doesn’t move at first. It’s easier to watch him. How in the trickle of morning sun, his hair is a damp brown. How his eyes take to that glow, their translucent sparkle.

When Lonan has sipped four times from the mug, Harrison finally rises. No sign of Eliza sounds, and he’s grateful for it. This morning, he knows what he’s doing.

“What is that?” Harrison asks, pulling back a barstool with one hand, while pointing at the mug with another.

Lonan glances up, and the two mutually analyze each other. Lonan’s puckered skin, how morning makes his eyelashes papery, like wings. He wonders what Lonan sees in him—for a moment, it’s all he wants to know.

Lonan knuckles the mug over and Harrison picks it up like he’s holding an eyeball. The tea is hot, though Lonan hasn’t seemed to mind, and its flowery perfume burns Harrison’s throat. Lonan pulls the mug back to him when Harrison’s done, and takes another sip.

“I still have no idea,” Harrison says, and to his shame, studies Lonan’s face for a bite wound.

“Earl grey.”

“Sounds fancy.”

“It expired four years ago.”

Harrison gasps, and Lonan almost smiles. And for a moment, Harrison almost forgets where he is. What happened at this counter just a few hours prior. With Lonan, it almost disappears. They could be back at the cabin, needling through the woods on that first day they tried to get rid of the darkroom. They could be in the water, shielding, yet simultaneously pushing each other under. They could be dancing to no music in a tiny bathroom or driving for carless miles in the tarnish of rain. Harrison traces Lonan’s face, each line that etches his eyes, nose, mouth, hair, and he doesn’t stop.

“You’re up early,” Lonan says finally. “Did I wake you up?”

Harrison shakes his head. He clutches the edge of the counter and tries not to tremble. Lonan is pretending to read the paper. He tries to fill in a miniature sudoku game in his head, follow along to headlines, but Harrison knows he isn’t. Through the skin of the paper, Harrison watches him watching him. Harrison doesn’t know what he dreamt of last night. If it was a good dream. If he’d want to dream it again. If he dreamt at all.

“I found this article,” Lonan says, and turns the paper over. It’s not very long, just a small corner of the entire page, but Harrison sees the title, all bolded, Summer’s Dreaded Pesk: 10 Facts About Moths. He leans in closer to read it.

The facts are almost all useless to him—that moths like sweet things, that there are thousands of species, that many don’t eat, but what sticks out to him is the last: how they’re attracted to light. Harrison skims the text with his fingernail, reads something about light traps, and tries not to think of how unfortunate it all is—to move toward light and then stop moving altogether.

“What does it mean?” Harrison’s voice catches.

Lonan doesn’t say anything. They just watch each other, and then the article, alternating until they can almost do both at once.

Harrison looks away first. He inhales, and tries to steady himself, but when he knows he’s going to break, reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out the chain. He took it off last night and put it in there, and today, he unravels it carefully. He shoulders off his eyes, and in his palm, displays the angel. Its crystals beam in the sunlight that hits them both, and though it misses a jewel, has never looked more beautiful.

He almost says something but catches himself. He knows whatever he will say will keep him here, in this sun, on this barstool, reading the newspaper about moths, sitting next to Lonan, drinking his tea, never knowing what flavour it is. Harrison inhales, and on his exhale, unclasps the chain and drapes it around Lonan’s throat.

When the angel hits Lonan’s chest, a sound comes out of his mouth that Harrison thinks is almost animal. Harrison’s hand lingers on the back of Lonan’s neck when he clasps it, feeling the pulse of Lonan’s heartbeat, even from all the way up here.

Lonan clutches the angel when Harrison pulls back, and he doesn’t let go, even when Harrison rises.

“I’m going to grab a pack of cigarettes,” Harrison says, speaking to the ray of sun next to Lonan’s face. “Is there a gas station around here?”

“Just up the road.”

“Do you want anything?”

“I don’t think so.”

Harrison nods. Then he steps back, away from the kitchen, and slips his shoes on, one by one, more carefully than he’s ever done before. He knows Lonan looks at him. He knows what’ll be in his eyes if he looks up—and so he doesn’t. Harrison checks his jacket pocket for his car keys, and when they jangle, he turns toward the door.

“How long?”

Lonan’s voice makes him jump.

“Pardon?”

“How long will you be gone?”

Harrison frowns. “I’m just grabbing a pack of cigarettes.”

Lonan is the one to nod this time. He’s such a pretty sun baby, golden and capable.

“Before you go,” Lonan says, and closes the newspaper so it sits as a square on the counter. He doesn’t continue. All he does is gesture Harrison forward, his fingers weak as they curl twice—a beckoning.

Harrison takes a step forward. And then another. He doesn’t move closer than that. His head pounds; his heart bleeds too much. Lonan meets him in a place he won’t go, stepping out of his seat so they both stand in a patch of light that makes the dishware in the glass cabinet sparkle. Harrison says nothing when Lonan puts a hand on his cheek. Pushes a strand of his hair behind his ear, connects the dots of his freckles in a quick sweep because he’s done this before and knows exactly where they are. Harrison says nothing when Lonan kisses him. How his lips taste like the tea—a flavour he’s already forgotten, but that he knows. He doesn’t move. He just lets him touch, and touch, until he’s finished, until the lack of his mouth on Harrison’s finally feels like he needs it back immediately.

“A pack of gum, maybe,” Lonan says, and wrings his lip between his finger.

“A pack of gum.”

Harrison steps back. The sun is getting brighter now—it lights the kitchen like the lace on a doily, a warm glimmer like being underwater at dawn. He leaves the apartment without his angel, and keeps going, even when he wants to turn back.

***

Harrison buys the pack of cigarettes. And then the gum. And then he finds his mother.

She isn’t hard to locate. A quick question at the checkout counter, and he finds out the apartment complex near the public garden is only a fifteen-minute drive away.

It’s just as he pictures it. A white building, with a white lobby, the bricks white, the carpets white, the tables white. In little places, there are bits of gold—lining the keyboard the security guard types at, on the edges of every window so it’s only visible when the sun flashes.

In his hand, he holds a bouquet of roses from the convenience store. They’re cold and wet, and dampen his palms, but he clutches onto them in the elevator. When he gets off, he navigates through the hallway until he reaches her door—217.

He hesitates before knocking. Something in his heart is missing, and he knows exactly who, but he knocks anyway, two quick taps that he’s surprised she hears.

When his mother answers the door, she’s still wearing her pajamas. And they aren’t the pajamas he’d expect her to wear—no silks, laces, tank tops, fuzzy slippers. Instead, she’s in a too-big trucker t-shirt and a pair of wearing sweatpants. He doesn’t know why this comforts him. Or why this makes him cry when he hands her the roses.

He is swept into her apartment in a cloud of tears and he lets them fall as he collapses on his mother’s welcome mat. She smells like coffee, and clementines, and he clings to her when she holds him, when she pats his hair, his cheeks, his neck, the clamminess of her what he feeds on.

“It’s not going to last forever,” she says as she pats him again, on the floor with him now, crying with him now. And he repeats this: it’s not going to last forever, it’s not going to last forever, and he doesn’t know if this is supposed to be a good thing.

***

His mother has a balcony too. At it, they sit together, mostly silent, though Suzanna comments on the madeleines she unboxed for them to try ever so often, as if their flavour changes, though it never does. He can’t remember what he explained—it feels like so long ago that he arrived, even though it’s been less than an hour. He doesn’t know what he knows, if Lonan knows his trip to the gas station is going to be prolonged. His words were a woven mess when he spoke to his mother, of their messy love, of the unknown tea, of the moths, of so much more with that kiss.

Now, his mother massages his hand absently while paging through a book. He doesn’t know what book. It could say encyclopedia or academia, or amnesia—he can’t read it. She peeks at him too often, but he revels in it, the worry there, a care he doesn’t know how to handle, as if it’s fragile and wrapped in moth wings. Ahead, the city crumbles, and he can’t stop the pictures he sees in the clouds.

His mother reads. Harrison watches. A father and son down below, who take turns walking their golden retriever. A food stand vendor that hands a stack of checked tissues to a mother wrangling four small children. A couple who take photos in front of a cherub fountain, how he can almost hear the mechanical click of their camera from fifty feet up. Something stirs inside of him, at the thought of Lonan back in that golden apartment, and he only realizes what it is much later, when his mother is heating up something spiced and leftover in the microwave. The feeling like being buried alive and wanting to do it again just so someone can pull you out. A loneliness he sucks on until his mouth sores.

#asks #mothwork #fostered #feedinghabits #writing

26 notes · View notes

the-blind-assassin-12 · 4 years ago

Note

okay can we just fr a moment talk about how much Dumont sucks at her job like. okay I mean ofc we all know ethically she’s a disaster and not even one I care about but also just at her job in general. like billy Russo has cptsd and probably also ptsd and who knows what else. and she’s like “okay billy name five blue things in the room :)” like. I get that billy is a therapy beginner but she HAS to know that’s not gonna help for shit. like is she purposely bad to keep him dependent on her or what

Hello there anon, and thank you for calling with one of my favorite topics to rant about! D U M O N T. Yuck, gross. There are so many reasons why I despise her so, and I would like nothing more than to talk for a moment about them with you. (sorry in advance for my...expressive language.)

Let’s start at the beginning, which as we learned in The Sound of Music, is a very good place to start. The first time we see Dumont, she comes into Billy’s room while Madani is paying him one of her sweet little visits (I could go into a whole different rant about that one and her many attempts to grab the title of “bat shit craziest asshole in season two”, but this is about Krista, so let’s get back on track.) So in walks Dumont, and while I am absolutely no fan of Dinah’s, Krista’s self-importance is really off putting from the get go. Did I want Dinah in there silently tormenting Billy while he was all wrapped up like a burrito? No, of course not. Did I want her to come in and be the one to “rescue” him from that? Fuckity fuck no. Not with that attitude, those motives, and those fucking blouses of hers like seriously her blouses are so fucking uptight...I feel myself getting off topic again...

Anyway. First impressions aren’t everything, right? Right. So let’s see how she does professionally in these sessions with Billy... Hmm... So let’s be clear now: Aside from just being the guy in the psych ward who struggles to bang out 20 push-ups a day and can’t remember what continent he’s on, Billy Russo is like public enemy number one, a war veteran, a trained professional killer, the best liar known to man, a victim of sexual abuse, and someone who couldn’t define what a “stable home life” was if you gave him a dictionary and highlighted the pages that each of those words were on. In short, the damages in that brain are less like that peg game that they leave on the table in Cracker Barrel, and more like the Gordian Knot- not meant for school kids to solve. I’m not saying that the few methods we see her use with Billy don’t work. I’m not a doctor. My own brain freaks me out too much to try to start thinking about other people’s brains too much. But if I had to guess, I would say that someone with a file like Billy’s might need a better coping or calming mechanism than playing I Spy.

(Also, this has always bothered me and I don’t think I’ve ever voiced this very specific problem that I have with Krista, but when she recites the quote “We are each our own devils...” I have to wonder if she actually knows where it comes from, or if she just heard it in that pop song that was a hit a few years back. Just the way that she speaks that line... the English Major in me cringes, HARD.)

We don’t have to talk about how fucked up it is that she engages in a sexual relationship with her patient, right? We don’t have to talk about how Billy has already been in a fucked up sexual situation where one person had all the power, right? Cool, because I feel like I’ve beaten that horse to death already. But if anyone wants me to dig the old dead mustang up, we can saddle him up one more time. I will never ever ever ever ever support a relationship between Billy and Krista, so if that’s your jam find a different roll to spread it on cause I’m allergic to that.

You bring up a GREAT point in your question!! Is she limiting the “treatment” that Billy gets to keep him dependent on her? We see her pull other moves to try to ensure she holds the power: removing paperwork from his folder, keeping his mask and journal, that whole cringey “it’s like touching god” thing, the timing of her first L bomb... everything she does seems calculated so it wouldn’t be too far from belief to think that she’s intentionally hindering Billy’s recovery. That bird in the shoebox she went on about? Cut me a break, lady. You just want something weaker than you to make you feel one rung higher on the food chain. I see you, bitch.

Look, even before @something-tofightfor did the deep investigating and found the image of what was supposed to be professional medical notes, which turned out to be scribbled, misspelled and vague AS FUCK, I just couldn’t find it in my heart to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that there’s any part of her that is good at her job. (I mean, just look how well she did with Jake, right?)

Thank you so much for cracking open this can of worms, anon. It is always a pleasure to discuss the depth of my hatred for Krista Dumont.

#krista dumont #dr. dumont #dr. dumbass #billy russo #the punisher #krista dumont single handedly set the mental health profession back twenty years #who let this bitch quote oscar wilde?!#karen page is the only valid female character in the punisher and I would DIE for her #why am I talking about karen in a post about krista?#BECAUSE KAREN DESERVES THE WORLD.

6 notes · View notes

flying-elliska · 5 years ago

Note

Hi Ellie!! I hope u dont mind this ask ❤Do u have any advice on how to do stuff on your checklist and not get overwhelmed? I can hardly do one thing out of my to do list and then i get severely depressed for not being able to do anything. i dont think i can function like a human being sometimes. anyway youre so cool ellie!!! i admire you loads!!! - help asked from one adhd struggling teen

HI anon ! I’m sorry for not answering sooner i had a beautiful answer ready and then Tumblr just ate it T_T anyway i don’t mind at all i think it’s awesome that you’re asking me ! this is honestly still something I’ve struggled a lot with. here are a few things that helped me (keep in mind i’m not a professional and this is only my personal, limited point of view) :

- ofc the first thing is to get as much help as you can, there are lots of people out there who can help. Generally talk to people around you about your problems ; often they want to help and just don’t know how : i know the tendency to feel ashamed and keep it in but that’s not good. Some people might be a bit ignorant so maybe keep a few ressources on hand you can send to people to educate them if that’s an issue ; and educate yourself so you feel more secure and legitimate in your opinions.

- one thing that’s helped me lots is to go on #ADHDtwitter and #Neurodiversesquad because a lot of people on there are actual adults who are sharing both their struggles but also tips on how to actually manage the symptoms and have full and happy, if messy, lives. It’s very inspiring. It helped me a lot to feel understood, less alone and gave me a ton of ideas. Some accounts to start with : @ danidonovan - @ blkgrllostkeys @ ADHD_Alien (her comics are so cute) @ dustyexner plus lots of others

- regarding having trouble doing things, this is definitely a Big Damn Problem for adhd folks. the concept of the emotional Wall of Awful really helped me with this, you can find more about it in this Youtube video by the awesome How To ADHD channel (all her videos are so helpful !! have a look!) basically the idea is that we accumulate emotions linked to certain tasks based on unhappy past emotions that make it a lot harder for us to do things and that building it down takes a lot of time and effort but there are ways to work with/around that. learning to process, connect to and be more mindful of our emotions is a huge task, but it’s often a central one.

- don’t try too hard to be neurotypical aka ‘normal’. find the solutions that work for YOU. If they’re a bit weird ? Whatever. The point is that it works. You will probably end up having weird routines that make no sense to others but it doesn’t matter as long as it helps you. Be creative and don’t be afraid to think outside the box. I’ll give you an example : one of the reasons i hate going to bed early is because late at night is when i feel the most free of outside obligations and therefore i don’t want to give that up. So instead what i’ve been trying to do from time to time is a ‘clown hour’ where i basically give myself permission to do whatever the fuck i want (within reason lmao) but in an active way ; basically indulge my rebellious inner 8 yr old. Last time I ended up watching martial arts videos on youtube and practicing kickboxing kicks on the Mulan soundtrack and then put on funeral music and improvised my own eulogy by thinking about what i would like people to say about me after my death. Lmao that sounds completely wack when explained to other people but the point is - stuff like that really helped me reconnect to the idea that my time is mine to do with as i please, not just late at night. Anyway my point is : make it fun, make it a game, try things, experiment. Our brains crave novelty and if they don’t have it and feel burdened by shame, pressure and expectations of course they get depressed and stuck. Give your brain the fuel it needs to work.

- just accept that sometimes you’re going to be a mess. it’s okay. you can be a bit of a mess and also live a fully, happy, joyous life. our society puts so much pressure on us to have this Perfect Instagram Life where everything is polished to unrealistic standards and gives us the idea that your morals are linked to productivity and if you are not constantly striving to be a Model Consumer Pretty Picture you are a Bad Person and a slob/lazy/unworthy/etc and all of that is...toxic garbage of the highest order that everyone should unlearn but especially us. related to that i would be careful with use of social media, tailor it to only give you content that makes you feel good/intellectually engaged/creative because it’s so easy for us to go into bad comparative spirals.

- tied to that be careful of your own perfectionist drives. it’s veeeeery common for adhd people to want to overcompensate their perceived shortcomings by wanting to be perfect. aka you haven’t done anything in weeks and all of a sudden you have this insane to do list where you expect yourself to turn your entire life around in a week. well, not going to happen. i’ve found it so important to limit myself. for instance what i do now is i forbid myself to put more than 5 items on any todo list. once i’ve cleared items i can add more, but not before. it’s a lot less scary that way. also prioritizing is very important so you don’t get bogged down in details.

- try to be mindful of your own energy. a big tendency of adhd people is to overpromise and underdeliver because we are enthusiastic and we want to please people but we are bad at estimating time/energy it will need. learn more about your own boundaries, what things are hard for you to do (for me, it’s socializing in groups) and what gives you energy (for me it’s writing, reading and walking in the woods) and try to balance that. learn to say no, it’s tough but necessary. So that you have enough left for the tasks you need to do.

- create an environment that is benevolent and helpful for you in which to work/do things and that generates positive emotions. Get yourself a cute notebook. Put on happy music. Don’t forget to feed yourself. Don’t give into the urge of punishing yourself. You deserve happy good things - not overindulgence as escape - but our brains thrive on short term rewards. Bundle the unpleasant tasks with more stimulating stuff (for instance i always listen to podcasts while cleaning/grocery shopping etc). Create pleasant little routines for yourself (for instance one of the first things i try to do in the morning is do a little drawing of my emotions, it makes me happy, then i have tea and i plan my day.). Put on alarms constantly so you don’t lose track of time, but with a cool song. Find yourself cheerleaders who can encourage you in a positive way. Stuff like the pomodoro technique, timing yourself while doing a task, etc, can really help. Or telling yourself you will do a thing for ten minutes and stop when it’s unbearable, etc. Prioritize joy, pride, affection, desire to help, altruism, love, curiosity, interest and passion as motivators, instead of anxiety, guilt and shame.

- find ways to build self esteem and confidence in your own skills. it’s often a lack of that that can block you from doing what you need to because you might be afraid of screwing it up. what I did for a while, for instance, is to keep a record of the stuff i did everyday and then extrapolated the skills i displayed from that. another thing you can do is make a list of simple skills you want to learn and find ways to do that, like youtube tutorials, etc. especially when it’s practical stuff and quick to learn, it can really feel so good, and make you more familiar with a sensation of success (and if you fail it can be a fun experiment gone wrong, and self discovery, you don’t have to be good at everything.)

- find ways to challenge yourself. depression happens for adhd people when we let ourself stagnate, isolate ourselves because of shame, and get into this idea that we are subhuman and we don’t deserve good things. that is false. you deserve a happy life. and our brains crave novelty. find your passion and indulge in it, find the things that make your brain come alive (as long as they’re healthy ofc). if you’re not sure what that is, just keep trying. you will find it. but resist the temptation to make your life smaller and smaller. you might mess up but that’s okay. it’s human and it will make for interesting stories later. instead of trying too hard to ‘fix’ yourself, focus on developping your positive sides. it will give you energy, self-respect and draw you forwards like a rocketship. we thrive on passion, not reprimand.

- anyways : i know how tough it can be. depression is really something i struggle with, too. and doing things remains Hard. but my point is, you are not alone, and you are not broken. chances are you too, like most adhd people i know, are a fun, creative, compassionate person with a heart of gold and so much to give. our main enemy is most often the shame that comes with living in a world that is not adapted to us. but the truth is we are just playing the game of life on a much harder setting than a lot of people, and we don’t even have the manual. of course it’s going to create struggle ! so i think the best thing to do for yourself is cultivate a sense of compassion towards yourself, self acceptance, and humor.

- as a teen you probably have a limited margin of autonomy to make your lifestyle fit your needs but - there is so much potential for it to get better ! as you grow in self knowledge and ability to make your own choices, you will find the right solutions and your life will get so much better. i have heard so many stories like this. since i got diagnosed, too, my life got a lot better. i won’t lie, it’s a lifelong process. but there is so much possible. give yourself time. you are so young, and you are definitely a human being. being human is struggling with being flawed and vulnerable and imperfect. i know the world can be shit sometimes, you probably got some negative messages - especially from your own brain bc depression definitely lies to you ! but don’t let yourself be guided by ignorance and fear. you deserve better. i bet you’re also super cool. the happier you are, the better off the world will be. so invest in yourself. educate yourself, develop your self knowledge, be kind to yourself, and keep making little steps. you’ll get there. <3

#adhd #actually adhd #neurodiversity #mental health #depression #anon asks

10 notes · View notes

cybrfang · 6 years ago

Text

Anon asked: "U are so fucking funny! SO! THIS is going to be sad can u write something about Dwayne getting into a fight with his mate (including the fight make me CRY lol) and then she proceeds to not talk to him for days because she is insecure about herself and about what he said and then she leaves Santa Carla and u can decide what happens after that? But please u can make me cry there isn't much dwayne content here, and it's sad! Btw I love your blog , personality and aesthetic! 💞💗💕💖💓💘💝"

Warnings: Anxiety, Deoression, Death, Rejection??

You are the sweetest, of course I can write this for you. But be-warned, I hate making people cry unless they deserve it. But I'll try!! Also I tried to put some Cherokee words in there because Billy is Cherokee. @dead-inside-and-drunk-outside @langdonsdemon

Dwayne/Reader

First Person POV

It wasn't a busy night on the boardwalk, seeing as it was out of season. But it was Santa Carla, aka the best tourist trap ever. So it was still filled with a bunch of locals trying to avoid getting asked where the rides were, the movie theatre was, all that stuff. I was on the boardwalk, spending time with Star. Why was I doing that? My bestfriend figured I needed a babysitter while he and his family were out hunting with some people. Not that I minded spending time with Star, in fact I loved it. I just didn't appreciate Dwayne feeling like I needed someone to watch over me while he got something to eat. Star grabbed my hand, giving ne a sympathetic look, no doubt knowing what I was thinking. "You're annoyed aren't you?" I raised my eyebrow at her question and looked at her, "You aren't?"

I watched as she ran her fingers through her hair, a sigh coming out of her lips. "Sure I'm annoyed, but that's because I'm actually a full vampire. I can take care of myself." We were in the same boat. Well... Almost. I was human, she wasn't. A new undead gang showed up in Santa Carla three weeks ago. David decided he wanted to see what they were like and invited them on a hunt with him and his boys. No doubting the fact that he probably had a different motive. But, David didn't think Star could handle hanging around a bunch of new vamps.

"Not that you couldn't survive being alone for one night, but I'm hungry and this is just stupid." She rolled her eyes, pulling me towards a bench. "Plus, if he would just let me hunt, I could come back and actually just hang with you. Screw what Dwayne thinks." I snorted, remembering what he told me about 2 hours ago. "Look, we don't know how many of them there are. What if one decided to stay back and smelled all of us on you?" It grated on my nerves to no end. We watched Laddie bounce around in front of us, playing with the annoying pigeons. At least he was given an option to go. Not that he wanted to, he always stuck to Star like glue. Not that that thought helped much. They all trusted him way more then they did us.

The roar of motercycle's made me pick up my head, looking behind me at the beach. "Well... They're back I guess." Star gave a sigh of relief, leaning her head on my shoulder when I turned back around. I giggled at her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. "Look... Just don't say that I was ticked okay?" She hummed and moved her head a bit. "You and Dwayne still fighting?" I sighed, thinking about all of the small stupid arguments he and I have been having lately. I lightly shook my head, laughing a bit. "You know it. It's all we ever do now." I felt my stomach jump at the thought of seeing him again, making me grab Star's hand. "You won't... Leave me alone with him will you?" She turned her head, looking to see if the boys were on the boardwalk yet. Seemingly satisfied, she looked back at me, a humorless smile on her face. "You know I can't promise that. Laddie and I are starving. You can't avoid him forever." I stood up while sighing in frustration, not at Star but at myself.

Star stood up to give my cheek a kiss. I watched as she got Laddie's attention, telling him it was fine to get something to eat now that the boys were back. I didn't wait around for Dwayne to show up find me, walking down to the rides. It's just so damn annoying! I kicked an empty fry bucket that was in my way out of anger. Things were just weird between me and him now a days. I thought that maybe... Maybe he might... I felt my eyes start to water at the thoughts swirling in my head, all of them focused on Dwayne. I stood in the crowd formed around the stage and looked up, furiously blinking away any stray tears. I felt a hand on the small of your back, causing me to freeze.

"Relax (Y/N), it's just me." 'I know that it's you.' I wanted to say, but just like the first 3 years of our friendship, one of us will talk while the other stays silent. Of course he found me here. It was Friday night, and there was 2 free concerts. I looked up at the dark skinned man next to me, studying his face. "Where did Star go?" He asked quietly, worry laced in his voice. I chuckled, looking back at oiled up man on stage. "She and Laddie went to get something to eat, seeing as David didn't trust her." I paused for a moment before voicing what I had been thinking while with Star earlier. "Or maybe he did trust her and he just owed you something?" I looked back at him, feeling a bitter smile curl on my face. It was just like him to do this to me. 'No, No, No! Stop it. Just let it go. You said you could remain friends with him, so keep it to that.'

Of course I was going to through a hissy fit at him. This was getting ridiculous. Just because he turned me down didn't mean he didn't care and I had to act like a bitch. "Look, Dwayne it's fine. Can we just... Go back to the cave or something?" I caught the panicked look on his face and rushed to speak before he said no. "Can the others come to? I'm pretty sure Star and Laddie can find their way back on their own." He looked a bit more relived at the offer, nodding his head. Normally at this point he and I would be all over one another, holding hands, making jokes. All that jazz. But, after I asked him out... It's like he drew back from me. Meeting Dwayne, he never hid from me for one bit. Always trying to get me to laugh, lean on him, or braid his hair. It was one of the reasons I started to fall in love with him. Yes I know, love. Ugh. Tacky as hell, but I won't deny it. I almost had a heart attack the first time he kissed my cheek. Ugh! Stop it stop it stop it! If you keep thinking about all of this you'll get sad and annoyed again.

Second Person POV

You followed behind Dwayne, occasionally apologizing to people that got pushed out of the way. You looked at the figure in front of you, walking swiftly around everyone. A stitch in your side started to make itself known trying to keep up with his long quick strides. "Dwayne come on, can you please slow down? It's 10 pm. I think you'll beat the sun." If he heard you, he didn't show it. Out of nowhere, you felt something collide into your back, pushing you forwards. Out of instinct, you reached out and grabbed Dwayne's hand. "What th-" He cut himself off when he saw it was just you. "I'm sorry, I needed to stabilize myself." You know he heard you over everything, being a vampire had it's perks. You figured he would nod and keep walking with you, but when he wouldn't tighten his hand around yours, almost like he was trying to shrug you off, you just gave up. You felt your throat tighten up when you watched him shove his hand into his pocket, not sparing you a glance.

'Is it because I asked you out?!' You wanted to ask. 'Is it because I said I love you?!' You wanted to yell at him. You staggered a bit, tripping over a loose floorboard, your vision blurry. You landed on the ground with a hard thud, your face burning with humiliation. You hopped no one was watching as you rolled off your knees and onto your butt. "Jesus fucking christ..." Tears started falling down your face as you examined your hands and knees. They burned, the skin ripped, scratched and bleeding. You looked back up to see Dwayne looking at you, almost like he just lost a bet. It sparked something in your chest, him looking at you like that. You hissed in pain, pushing yourself off the ground with your hands. "You okay girl?"

"No. No I'm not okay Dwayne. And you're not fucking helping either." You side-stepped him, pushing away his hands. He walked behind you, easily keeping up with you. "What's your problem (Y/N)? What crawled up your ass and died?" A disgusted laugh escaped your throat. "Ya know I didn't wanna go there, but it certainly wasn't you." You speed up your pace, tears streaming down your face. You cringed a bit, hearing his footsteps falter and then pick up again. "What the hell is that supossed to mean?" You shook your head, trying to get him to get away from you. "I don't know... I just said the first thing that came in my head. Can you please just leave me alone?" You hopped off the boardwalk, onto the sand. "If you're gonna keep acting like a little papoose then I will leave." This stopped you in your tracks, looking back at him. "I'm acting like a child? You're the one who won't even look me in the eyes anymore."

It was true even at that moment, Dwayne chose to look just above your head then directly at you. It was annoying as hell, making you even angrier. "So what's going on then huh? We're friends the next minute, I ask you out and it's like I'm one of the new meals you're fuckin with." He flinched at the words you choose, making you feel bad. "I didn't really mea-" He cut you off, venom in his voice. "You did mean it and you know it." He let out a humorless chuckle, making you take a step back. You knew how he felt about you calling yourself the next meal. He always hated it, hated that you thought so little of yourself, so little of him. You wrapped your arms around yourself, hiccuping a bit. He finally looked down at you, seeing that you were crying. You stepped back, looking away when he reached out to you. "I know that you hate to hear it... But it's true Dwayne. It's like you never even cared about me in the first place. I can handle just being friends with you, saying okay and getting over the fact that you don't care about me the same way I care about you." You stopped talking, your chest spasming a bit. You took a few deep breath to calm yourself. But when you looked up at him, seeing his emotionless face, you just... broke.

You let out a strangled sob, clutching yourself harder and digging your nails into your skin. In the corner of your vision you saw the rest of the boys standing there, watching helplessly. You backed up a bit, hunching over forward. No one spoke while you continued to sob, almost on the verge of screaming. You reached up to your face, wiping away the tears and snot. You probably looked a mess, but in your state of mind you just didn't care. "Why..." You mumbled, closing in on yourself. You felt a sharp pain on your arms, but it was probably fron your nails. You just didn't want to be there at that moment, showing everyone just how hurt you were. You saw someone step forward to you on your right. They stopped moving whoever they were when you shook your head fast. You began taking short and fast breaths. Dwayne leaned down a bit, careful not to get in your space, "What do you need ageyutsa?" He whispered. You stuggled to form the words, completely collapsing in on yourself. "Star-" you struggled out, needing the only true motherly/sister figure in your life. "I want Star!"

Dwayne stepped back as you felt slender arms wrap around your frame. You finally let go of yourself, holding on to Star for dear life. She felt like an anchor to you as she spoke quietly. "Shhhh, it's okay." You buried your face into her stomach, letting out a scream. You knew you shouldn't be acting like this, it was so trivial to you. But you just couldn't explain the intense feeling of fire and ice that has been running through your veins ever since he rejected you. "Dwayne... Tell her." You heard Star whisper. You looked up at the man in front of you, confusion and despire mixed into his face. "(Y/N)... I won't ever be with you. I just can't." More pain spiked in your core as he continued. "I'm dead my love. I'm a vampire. You're human. You shouldn't have been the one." Star pulled you into a standing position, so you could face him.

"Tell her what you mean." You heard David say on your far right. Dwayne held your eyes, his face still emotionless as you struggled for air. "A vampires blood mate is supossed to be a vampire. But... You're a human. You're my blood mate. That makes me a disgrace of a vampire." You flinched at the harshness of his words. "It shouldn't be you. Max wouldn't let either of us live if he found out you were a human." You struggled to keep up with what he was saying, a small light of hope flairing into your chest. "Just... Change me then?" You looked over to David, a sad smile on his face. "He won't let me." He muttered loud enough for you to hear. The hope you were feeling escaped you with the strangled sob you let go. You looked back at the man that was holding your heart and ripping it to shreads. "I won't do that to you... I won't let you kill someone just to live." You felt lighthead as you let go of Star, "But letting me live feels like death already." You waited for him to say something, but when he didn't you nodded, brushing Star's hands away. Grabbing your hair and pulling it in an anxious manner, you walked up to Dwayne, stepping up on your tiptoes. "Fine then." You kissed his cheek and stepped back. "I guess we need time apart." No one stopped you as you walked away. No one saw the group of boys on the boardwalk, smirking while watching you crawl away for safety. The smell of your bloddied cuts from earlier reaching their heightened senses.

It had been a few days since that night. Everytime you thought about everything he said, you felt even worse about yourself. You sat on the bench at the bus stop, thinking about what you were doing. You couldn't go back and face them. Any of them. When you did actually brave the boardwalk one time, you saw David and you freaked. He started walking towards you to make sure you were okay, - Probably for Star's sake. You just can't see him really caring for you like a sister.- but you bolted. You haven't been back since. You used the money you've been saving for college to get motel rooms for about 2 weeks now. But, staying by yourself cooped up has been wrecking your mind. So you figured it was time to move on. You couldn't keep hanging around here. It was just something you had to do. You didn't see the shadows around you, or notice them growing.

Third Person POV

No one saw what happened that night. People would tell the Lost Boys that it was too dark, windy or it was raining. Well it was dark, but it certainly wasn't rainy or windy. The boys knew what happened. Paul swore to that damn god in the sky that if that any vamp even thought about touching his little sister, that he would make it his life's work to harm so many innocent people. Marko and David were the ones who tracked down the other gang. Star and Dwayne were the ones who ripped them apart. Laddie had to stay in the cave, still unaware where his other best friend was. The leader had simply stated to Dwayne that he was doing him a favor. That didn't really help him, and it didn't help Dwayne in the end either. He let a part of him die the night (Y/N) did.

No one talks about (Y/N) anymore around Dwayne. Everyone figured that she would show back up later, ready to kick Dwayne's ass. Marko and Paul had a bet going on, for when (Y/N) would come back. It was just the type of person she was. Mental breakdown, and then you just went mental. But Dwayne knew (Y/N) was dead. It was a sharp feeling, painful and world shattering. The moment it happened, he dropped to the ground, the world spinning. It wasn't normal for a vampire to throw up, but he managed it, only bringing up blood.

He wouldn't tell the others what he knew, all except David and Star. The two of them would go around and rip down the missing posters of her face. They just couldn't risk watching Dwayne break down again. He was the first one to come across the posters. It utterly destroyed him. What (Y/N)'s mother didn't know when printing the posters out, was that Dwayne was in it as well. He couldn't sew himself next to her on the page, but he knew that memory. It was the first time she ever held his hand, and then later kissed his cheek. It was in her room, black out curtains up. After calming down, he took the first poster that he laid eyes on, and put it in his breast pocket. He wouldn't talk to anyone but David. Always telling him that whenever he found his mate, human or not... To have them. To never make the same mistake as he did.

I know this is the laziest ending, but I've been going through some stuff today and I didn't want to skip out on the promise of posting this. I've just been so... Ugh lol. I'm sorry, I really hope you liked it and I'll try so much harder next time! @langdonsdemon I'll be writing that little one-shot with Dwayne and the reader soon. So it'll be alot happier!

46 notes · View notes

javis-beretta · 6 years ago

Text

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (3)

and here’s part three! sorry, this part doesn’t have too much plot stuff, but that’s only bc the next one is gonna be pretty exciting. thank you to everyone who’s been giving this story love, you’re all angels. enjoy! <3 (also i’m still figuring out some of the plot of this, so message me w your theories on who sent the letters or send me memes u think race would tag you in!)

part 1 / part 2 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8

The next day, you stayed at school a little late, figuring you could catch Race after track practice to discuss your… arrangement. It also had the added benefit of allowing you to avoid Jack, who you knew was spending most afternoons at the community theatre across town, helping them paint backdrops for an upcoming show.

(You weren’t stalking him, or memorising his schedule, or anything. You were just observant. You took note of behaviour. That was it.)

Race was on his last lap around the track when he saw you sitting on the bleachers. You gave him a little wave and his face lit up with a smile. He winked and kept on running. When he was done, and presumably back in the locker room, your phone pinged with four rapid texts from an unknown number.

hey babe I’m just showering and then I’ll come see you ;)

this is race btw

i’m really good at texting like a boyfriend

fake or otherwise

Even though he couldn’t see you, you rolled your eyes anyway.

Yeah, okay hotshot

Come find me on the bleachers when you’re ready

When Race showed up, with a red face and wet, curly hair he gave you a cheeky grin, looked around to see some of the track team boys were still milling around, and he placed a quick peck on your cheek. You didn’t let yourself blush, remembering that it was all for show, and you pulled up a Word document on your laptop.

“Okay, so, this is going to be our contract,” you said, preparing yourself for his teasing.

“We have a contract? This isn’t Suits, man. It’s a fake relationship. We don’t need a contract!”

“Uh, we so do need a contract, Higgins! We need to draw boundaries and limits and we need to stick to them.”

He rolled his eyes and moved a little nearer to you on the bench, so that he could see your laptop screen.

“Wow, nothing like a list of comprehensive rules and guidelines to really bring the romance, huh?”

“Fake-romance,” you corrected him.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. So, what’s first on the contract?”

“Okay, first up, no kissing.”

He spluttered comically for a bit.

“No kissing? How are we supposed to convince anyone that we’re dating if we can’t kiss?”

“Look, plenty of couples avoid PDA. We can still, like, link pinkies or whatever.”

“Link pinkies? Wha-? Are you living in the 80s? This isn’t Grease, babe.”

“Look, Race, physical stuff may not mean anything to you, but it’s important to me, okay?”

“Whoever said physical stuff didn’t matter to me?”, he muttered under his breath. But, after a moment he sighed. “Fiine, put it on the contract.

You typed it up and looked expectantly at him.

“Okay, you get no kissing, but, number two, you have to hang out with me and my friends at lunch and come to parties with me.”

“Technically, that’s two and three. And, I get parties, but why lunch?”

He stared at the ground.

“Spot always sat with us at lunch, so he’d definitely notice if you were with me and the guys.”

“Fair enough.”

You typed that, and then said, “Also, we cannot tell anyone that this is fake. Gossip spreads like wildfire at this school so nobody can know that this isn’t a real relationship. Not even Albert, or your track team buddies.”

“Obviously. And don’t act like I can’t keep secrets. You can’t tell Davey or Katherine. I had journalism with her last year and I’m pretty sure that she would disapprove of this plan.”

He was right, of course he was.

“Fine, deal. Anything else?”

“Oh! You have to come with me on the ski trip trip in December,” he said triumphantly.

Your high school’s annual ski trip was infamous for being the weekend when most of your school lost their virginity. Some schools had the night after prom, but your school had two days and a night spent in the mountains.

“The ski trip? As in the one just before Christmas break? We’d have to stay together for three months to go on that.”

“Listen, no one in a relationship would ever let their boyfriend go on that trip alone. And, if we’ve gotta keep up until then, then so be it. Spot will definitely be there, so he’ll notice if I’m with someone else. We can break up after the trip, no harm, no foul.”

“Okay, fine. But we will not be sharing a room.”

“Yeah, obviously.”

“Anything else you want me to add, oh wise one?” you asked.

“Uh, well, there is this one thing,” he said, sounding a little hesitant. You motioned for him to go on. “Well, Spot always thought it would be cute if I wrote him little letters and put them in his locker or gave them to him, or whatever, and I never did it. Um, if he saw me giving those to you, he’d probably get pretty jealous.”

“Badass Spot Conlon, who would beat up anyone who looked at him wrong wanted love letters? That’s so cute!”

“Yeah, there’s a lot more to him than just being angry and bitchy. I bet he’s got his college boyfriend writing him all sorts of letters now,” Race scoffed.

“He left you for a college guy? That’s rough, Race. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, its whatever,” Race quickly said. “So, that’s the contract, then?”

“Yeah,” you said, satisfied.

“Perfect,” he grinned, and his blue eyes were twinkling again.

“You do know that you missed the bus today, right?” he said, after a moment.

“Uh, yeah, I was just gonna walk home.”

“Holy shit, what is it with you and walking? Do you not have your license?”

“Uh, I do. But driving terrifies me and I’d probably end up killing someone – or myself – if I drove every day. But, yeah, I don’t mind walking.”

“Well, if you’re dating me, there will be no walking. I’ll give you a lift home and a ride to school in the morning, if you want one.”

“Are you serious? You don’t need to do that, Race.”

“Nah, I want to. What kind of fake-boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?”

He smiled at you and you realised that Race had been right the day before. You could do worse. As far as fake high school boyfriends went, Race was probably one of the best options you had.

“I’d appreciate that. Thanks, Higgins.”

“No biggie. Now, let’s go. The Bachelorette is on tonight and I need to see who Becca chooses.”

Before long, Race had dropped you off at home, with a cheeky wink and promise to text. As soon as you were inside, your phone lit up with a message from him.

see ya bright and early tomorrow morning, girlfriend ;)

You rolled your eyes and typed a quick reply. Then, you went to contacts and your hand hovered over Katherine’s name. You’d have to tell her what had happened with Jack and explain that you were now (somehow) dating Race Higgins.

The phone rang twice, and you could practically hear the smile in her voice when she greeted you, as bright and cheerful as ever. You talked for a little bit about school and she told you about college and you realised that you probably couldn’t put it off for any longer. As soon as you said that you had something to tell her, she sounded more than a little worried.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“This story is going to sound pretty weird but hear me out. You know when I was little, I used to write those letters to myself?”

“Yeah, you said that your mom told you to do it if you ever needed help figuring out your feelings.”

“Yeah, well, not all of the letters were to myself. I wrote some to guys I had crushes on and I swear that I never sent any of them out, but, um, somehow, some of those guys, got their letters?”

“Oh, shit. That sounds stressful. Who’d you write to?”

“That’s the thing that I need to tell you… When you first got with Jack, I thought that I was into him and I wrote him a letter. I was never going to send and I’m pretty sure I didn’t actually have feelings for him, I was just a little torn up because it felt like I was losing my best friend to my sister. But, uh, he got the letter. And, I figured that I should tell you before you heard it from someone else. And, also, uh, Race Higgins and I are dating.” The last sentence slipped out so quickly that you hoped she had missed it.

She was silent for a long time and you were worried that the phone might have died while you were talking and then, you heard a sigh.

“That is… a lot. I’m not going to lie, I am pretty pissed off right now. I don’t care if you were into Jack or not. You wrote a love letter to my boyfriend, while I was dating him. And Race Higgins? Like Spot’s Race Higgins? What the fuck? Look, I’ve got a report due tomorrow, and I really don’t need to be stressed right now, so we can just talk about this some other time.”

She was definitely mad.

“Kath, I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you, I swear.”

“It’s fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

She hung up. It was not fine. You felt like crying and crumpling yourself into a ball, when your phone pinged with a notification from Instagram.

@racehiggins tagged you in a post.

It was some stupid meme, and you knew he’d only tagged you in it because people from school would see it, but it brought a smile to your face, anyway.

Race was getting pretty good at making you smile, and you hadn’t even been fake-dating for a week. Maybe, this would all work out well.

TAGLIST: @hungoverhellhound @seriously-ceci @the-butterfly-anon @ben-cook-can-cook @pinecovewoods @brendonuriehimself

#race higgins x reader #newsies x reader #newsies: the musical #newsies fanfiction #katherine plumber x jack kelly

87 notes · View notes

babykpopsweets · 7 years ago

Text

Truthful Blood

| anon reqeusted |

Is your requests still open? I want to request a Mafia AU with Minseok/Xiumin when he is a gang leader and then he finds out that his s/o is also the leader of their rival gang/group. And I'll leave the rest to you because I believe in your creativity. Make it Angsty & w/ a very fluffy ending please.. 😚 T H A N K Y O U~ 💜💜💜

Y/G/N = ya gangs name

UNEDITED

—-

‘Information not found’

The file said as Xiumin tried to scoop up some info on the leader of his rival mafia gang leader.

“What the hell?! This person literally has nothing on them. Ughhhhh” Xiumin groaned as he started to try a new route of figuring it out.

“What are you doing baby?” You questioned while rubbing his shoulders.

“I am trying to find out who the leader is for our rival mafia gang that keeps interfering with us. But there is literally nothing at all for them to be found.” Xiumin sighed and then kissed your hand.

“Do you need help?” You offered your assistance as you knew he might want it.

“Deeply. You can try your best; not even Suho nor Lay could find a lick of info on them.”

“You see Xiumin, I know a lot more people then you think I do.”

“Uh, I do not know how to feel about that.”

“Thas a good signal then. By the way I need to tell you something. I just don’t know when I will maybe not today cause’ you seem a little... busy.”

“Hm? Oh yeah haha real funny. Y/N I love you and you know that so take your time to tell me whatever it is.”

“Thank you. And I think you should get off the conputer it’s 12:39 pm. I think you should rest it off.”

“Seriously? Aish, I guess I could try and catch some Z’s.”

“You better!”

—————————————————————

The morning came around quicker then Xiumin would have expected. His eyelids were very heavy as he tried waking up. He bolts his hand to block his face from the blazing sun. Xiumin looks next to him and sees you aren’t there. How weird? You are always there when he wakes up. If anything he was the one leaving before you awoke. He just dusted it off thinking you were probably grocery shopping.

Xiumin rose out of bed and went to the bathroom. He took and a shower came out then brushed his teeth. After he finished getting ready he peeked his head outside the bedroom door to see if you were around. Still not here? Grocery shopping doesn’t usually take this long. He takes out his phone and dials you number. Only hoping you’ll pick up.

‘The number you have tried to reach is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep.’

*beep*

“Y/N-ah where are you?! Call me back as soon as you hear this. Please.”

He hung up the phone and sighed loudly. As he was about to start making breakfast, a message came through to his computer. Xiumin takes a glance at the name lf the person. It seemed like the rival gangs official number. But how? He never had any information on them and suddenly he has the contact. Then reality hit him hard.

How come every time something happened with the other gang you were never here?

How come the morning after he said he had trouble finding info to you a message came rolling in?

Were you somehow in an alliance with the opposing team?

Upon realization, Xiumin knew that he didn’t have much time to think of a plan. He would have to hurry and try to make you confesses before it was too late.

Just 30 minutes after you came in. He was quick to hide some where he could see you but you couldn’t seem him. He might’ve seemed like a stalker right now but this was vital. Xiumin watched as you closed the door and hung up your keys. You looked around for him and called out for his name once.

“Xiumin baby?” You yelled out looking at your surroundings.

It seemed like the coast was clear. You reached into your mini velvet bookbag and pulled out your phone. You dialed a number then put it to your ear to speak. Xiumin pulled his computer on his lap and hacked into your phone so he could hear the conversation through his ear piece.

“Hey~ I think Xiumin left the house already. :c” You said into the phone.

“So when are you going to tell him?” The other person immediately asked firmly.

“You see I don’t know. He’ll hate me if he found out I am leader of his rival mafia gang. And on top of that he’ll think I am trying to use for info or whatever. I really love him I don’t want to lose him.”

“Ah yah! You have to tell him soon. The later you tell him the worse the consequences.”

“You are right. All this time I haven’t ever even thought about telling him. Maybe I should. I am going to call him now thanks bye!”

You hung up the phone.

You grunted at the thought of Xiumin practically hating you. This wait any longer though. It’s best for the truth to come out now rather then later. Before you could call him, Xiumin emerges from the shadows. Seeing his angry face you knew he heard everything.

“Oh Xiumin! D-did you by any chance hear all of that?”

“How could you?”

“I am sorry. I was leader of a mafia gang and I fell in love. With you. Then right when I was going to confess this to you our gang clashed.”

“You are a filthy liar Y/N. I can’t believe I practically gave you all of EXO’s information and you backstab me.”

“Look I am not a liar! I just didn’t tell you about it I never said I didn’t own a gang or something. But saying that doesn’t justify what I did.”

“You are probably just here for the information! You never cared did you? It was all for the stupid dirty cash you want right?!”

“Woah woah woah. I never said any of that! Did you or did you not just hear my conversation?! I said I loved you and that if I told you about this you would hate me. And I would hate myself too!”

“well you were right then. I do hate you. You betrayed me. And I don’t want to see you right now.”

“Fine. I’ll leave then.”

Right as you were storming out of that joint, you remembered you had bought Xiumin something. You stopped dead in your tracks and reached in your bookbag. You pulled out the IPhone X and placed it on the table. You knew Xiumin had broke his phone recently on a mission so you felt bad about it. Thus you bought a new one. After it was safely on the table you walked out not looking back once.

The door slammed shut and Xiumin let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. He softly made his way to the phone. Upon opening the case a paper appeared. He out the top down; he opened the letter to reveal a whole paragraph.

Xiumin-ah,

I am truly deep down inside sorry. I kept the fact that I am the mafia leader of your rival gang for sooo long. Too long to be exact. I didn’t mean or want to cause any harm to you nor EXO members. If you could be so kind as to forgive me. This isn’t a kiss up either! It’s just my way of showing I truly care. <3

Xiumin felt a salty warm tear rush down his face. He went a tad bit overboard. You were going to tell him everything but you were too scared? Why? He could never hate you. hate. Hate. HATE. At that second he progressed what he had said to you in order for you to leave. He said he hated you. That wasn’t true, Xiumin knew that. Did you know that?

The only person he truly hated right now was himself. He never bothered to hear you out completely.

“I’ve gotta go after her.” He whispered to himself as he grabbed his computer to look at your location.

You were at a random place which he assumed was your other mansion from your mafia. He grabbed his keys and blasted out of there.

Many awful thoughs crossed Xiumins mind at the time. None of them were really as important as how bad he felt. He knows you messed up yet he did himself too. He didn’t give you even a second to explain.

Two minutes later he arrived at this big luxurious mansion. Xiumin shut his car off, locked it, and went to your door. There was no answer at the door when he knocked so he rang the door bell. Nothing. He stood there while his heart dropped to his feet. Xiumin wished he could take back what he said. He didn’t givenup though and knocked once more. There wasn’t an answer still.

Drip drip...

Great. It was drizzling now. And he was waiting outside your door like a fool. More then likely he will get sick from this but he’d do anything for you because he is a fool that is in love with you. Only you, no one else would ever cross his mind. To Xiumin no one in this world is conparable to you and how much you put up with him.

As he was sulking in his own saddness he heard the door unlock. Immediately his hope sprung up again. He raised his head to be greeted by the sight of your watery eyes.

“Don’t just stand there. You’ll get sick. Come in.” You said opening the door more.

“Thanks” Xiumin replied rushing in to get warm.

An awkward silence was present as Xiumin was taking a look around. It took him to break the silence.

“Look. I know I really messed up. But you have to know how important something like that is really.” Xiumin finally spoke dragging his feet towards you.

“Yeah I know. You didn’t need to come off like that though.”

“I know that too. Please forgive me. We can work this out. I just need you to be truthful with me.”

“...I am. I have too. It’s just never told you about one thing. I never lied about it or say I wasn’t. I just never told you anything.”

“Fair enough. You have to be mire OPEN with me. I need to know what’s happening in your life in order to live mines correctly. I am nothing without you Y/N. I love you.”

“I love you too Xiumin and I promise to be more expressive and open with you.”

Xiumin took advantage of this moment of forgiveness and locked your lips together. After that you both discussed what to do with your seperate mafias. It took an hour but you both agreed to join forces.

Months later the EXO and Y/G/N became the strongest gang to ever come on the sceen. Maybe uncovering some secrets is for the best. In some cases at least.

~~~~

Alrightyyyy so sorry this took so long but I hope you like it. I hated this but whatever I tried my best. Enjoy!

-Jamz

84 notes · View notes

padleckii · 7 years ago

Text

Introductions

Request from anon: “ hi , can you write one , where Dean gets jealous about how close his girlfriend and father are “

A/N: idk if this is how you wanted it to turn out, but this is where my head took it so here u go, i still have no idea how to write jealous dean ! also i just had some good cereal and my hair is blue and life is mediocre !

Word Count: 1841

You and Dean had been dating for eleven months, and you’d been on cloud nine the whole time. He tried to act tough, but he broke that act whenever he was around you. You brought out the calm side of him, and you could tell you were one of the few people he trusted. It was only recently that he’d told you what the ‘family business’ actually was, and the world made more sense to you than it had in a long time. When you’d met, Dean had been on a solo hunt. He’d stayed longer than he should have, but that was because of you. He’d said his dad was going to be beyond pissed but he wanted you to go with him. He thought it was finally time for you to properly meet the family.

It had been a long drive, but it had given you time to learn as much as you could about Dean’s family before you actually met them. “Okay, so John is your dad. Sam is your brother, but you call him… Sammy?” You were sat in Dean’s car, facing him as best you could while he drove and quietly hummed along to the radio. “Yeah, but I wouldn’t call him that if I were you. Unless you want him to not like you from the get-go.” “Alright… and you said I shouldn’t try to make too much conversation with your dad?” Dean glanced over to you for a second, before averting his gaze back to the road. “I wouldn’t, he’s very… he was in the marines, and he’s very to-the-point, I guess.” “Okay. Tell me about Sam again?” You could feel yourself start to sweat – the thought of meeting your boyfriend’s family was intimidating, but you were terrified they were going to hate you.

The rest of the ride was filled with Dean telling you random facts about his brother and father. By the time you arrived at the motel they were staying at, you’d gone into full panic. “Hey… sweetheart, we’re here.” Dean’s hand landed on your thigh, trying to comfort you. “There’s nothing to worry about. They’ll love you.” He leaned over and kissed your cheek. “Nothing to worry about? Dean, you know these people. I haven’t even met them yet. We just drove through, like, three states and they could hate me! They could… I don’t know, ban you from ever seeing me again!” “You need to stop worrying… because you have about ten seconds before Sammy comes out the door to see me.” “Do they even know I’m here?” “They’re about to.”

Before you could say anything else, you heard the motel door open and Dean stepped out of the car. A tall man, that looked to be about your age, stepped outside closely followed by a man that looked like Dean’s dad. You let them both welcome Dean back with a hug. It lasted no longer than two seconds before both men turned their attention to you. Dean quickly made his way to your side of the car and opened your door, motioning for you to get out. “And who’s this, Dean?” The older man spoke. “This is my girlfriend, (Y/N). (Y/N), this is my dad, John.” He held out his hand and you shook it, trying your best to contain yourself. “It’s lovely to meet you, (Y/N).” He smiled and his face seemed warm and inviting. He didn’t seem like the marine type, but you decided to stay on your guard – Dean knew best when it came to his family. “It’s good to finally meet you, sir.” “Please, call me John.” After the brief introduction to John, you made your way over to Sam. “I’m (Y/N).” You held your hand out, but Sam declined. To your surprise, he hugged you. “Please, if you’ve got Dean to date I think we’re passed formalities.”

After introducing yourself, you all made your way back into the room. Sam and Dean sat on one bed, discussing a possible hunt, while you sat on a chair with John sat opposite you. “So (Y/N), how long have you and Dean been together?” He didn’t sound like he was interrogating you, it was more curiosity. His voice was warm, and it gave you piece of mind to know that he didn’t hate you right off the bat. “It’s been about eleven months.” “And is he good to you?” His tone grew more serious, but kept the warm tone. “Of course. Your son’s the best guy I’ve met.” You saw John smile at that.

You and John sat in a comfortable silence while the brothers continued their conversation that had moved on to their high school days. “I like seeing them like this, y’know? Just… being brothers, not worrying about what’s out there.” John nudged your arm with his. “I need to go on a supply run, do you want to join me?” You tore your eyes away from Dean and looked at him. “Sure. Should we tell them or…?” You trailed off, unaware of the routine. “No. Just leave them, let them feel normal for a while.”

While out with John, you discussed the one thing you both had in common: Dean. John spoke about his childhood, and his habits that he’d grown out of, while you spoke about how he was in a domestic setting. It was refreshing to hear this new side of the man you’d spent almost a year with. John also shared some pictures he carried in his wallet. He’d said Dean was about ten in one of them, and he had the biggest smile plastered on his face when talking about his boys. You’d also learnt that John enjoyed dad jokes. As soon as you figured it out, you had both spent the rest of the trip laughing.

You stumbled through the doorway laughing, unable to catch your breath at John’s last joke. It had to be the best one of the trip, and you couldn’t help yourself. When you’d finished laughing, you couldn’t help but catch the glare that Dean was sending your way. “Do you wanna keep it down over there?” There was a tone you’d never heard Dean use before, and you felt it stab your heart. You heard venom in his words, and he’d never directed it at you. “Sorry.” You muttered. John continued to talk to you, and you tried your best to participate in the conversation. Dean kept telling you to keep quiet, or leave if you were going to be so distracting. You couldn’t help but let his words get to you, and after almost an hour of the constant venom you’d had enough. You’d noticed a small park bench not far from the motel while you were out, and that’s where you’d decided you’d be best.

You excused yourself from John’s story, and made your way to the door. “If all you were going to do is beat me down, why the hell did you invite me here?” Your question was directed at Dean, ad your eyes were tearing up. You didn’t wait for an answer as you quickly left the room and found the bench. It looked too small for you, but you sat on it anyway. It wasn’t long before you heard footsteps, and before you could tell them to leave John had sat next to you.

“I know Dean can be an ass – hell, we all can. But I’m sure he has a reason, darling.” He put his arm around you and let you lean on him. It hadn’t even been a day, but you already loved this man. “I just… I don’t understand. He’s never spoken to me like that. He’s never so much as raised his voice around me, and then he does that? I just don’t get it.” He didn’t reply, but he let you find comfort in his embrace. You didn’t know how long it had been, but you knew that within that time you’d silently started to cry. It was only a few tears, but it was enough for you to feel John tense around you. “Stay here. Okay? I’ll be back in a few minutes (Y/N).” He took his arm away and you could feel how cold it really was. You didn’t say anything, but you nodded in reply.

You lost track of time when John left. You started staring at anything that would distract you. You stared at the dog the manager had brought to work, and tried to focus on the way it’s fur fell in different directions. Then you started staring at the young couple that had just pulled in – you wondered if he shouted at her, and then you started to wonder if she would defend herself, or whether she would run away, like you had.

While you were trying to focus on a tree, you heard footsteps again. You assumed it was John, and waited for his arm around you again. Instead, you smelt the distinct Dean smell. “Hey.” You stared at his feet which were kicking at the gravel of the parking lot, his hands in his pockets. His voice was small – you’d never heard him like this, either. “Look, I’m sorry. I don’t know what was going through my head.” It sounded like he was ready for you to interrupt him at any minute. “It’s not that easy.” Your voice was small too, and to Dean it sounded like you were broken. “What?” His voice was laced with confusion. “It’s not that easy.” You repeated. “You can’t just speak to me like I’m less than nothing, and then apologise and expect all to be forgiven.” You could feel the tears in your eyes again. “I know, and I’m not expecting that. I just… wanted to explain myself, I guess? It’s just that, for the past eleven months I’ve basically had you all to myself, y’know? There hasn’t been anyone else. But now, you’re not just… I don’t know, my little secret. I told my family, and you just seemed to be so comfortable with my dad I just… I guess I got jealous.” “I’m not gonna run off with your dad, if that’s what your scared about.” You tried to chuckle through your tears. “I know, I just don’t know what I was thinking.” He paused for a minute. “Can I sit?” He pointed to the bench next to you. You moved over, showing he could.

It took a while, but Dean’s arm eventually replaced John’s. “I’m sorry.” He whispered, kissing your forehead. “You ever talk to me like that again and I might run off with John.” You moved your head so you could look into his eyes. “Not funny.” He pulled you into his side again. You couldn’t place what it was, but there was something about Dean that you couldn’t help but love. That man would get away with murder, if it was up to you. He made you mad at the best of times, but you wouldn’t trade him for the world.

#supernatural #supernatural imagine #supernatural one shot #supernatural reader insert #dean winchester #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester one shot #dean winchester reader insert #spn #spn imagine #spn one shot #spn reader insert

53 notes · View notes