#more anxiety inducing than coming out /j

[yourlocalmerchgirl]

Is it ok if I call you mine? Part Two

Soft!Joel Miller x Neurodivergent/ anxious F!reader

Part 1 Part 3

Summary: Joel is falling for you, and he wastes no time coming to your aid when you call him in the middle of the night because you needed to hear his voice

Soft! Joel miller x neurodivergent reader AU (outbreak never happens)

Warnings: soft Joel, concerned Joel, protective Joel, neurodivergent, audio overstimulation, anxiety, self inflicted angst. Best friend Tommy, falling in love. Acceptance, low self esteem.

A/N: I hope you guys are loving this story as much as I’ve loved working on it! I’ve been so touched hearing from people have been relating to the story so far and I’m thankful for you all!

There’s not a lot of descriptors about reader other than eye color but they can easily be changed.

The wind howls as it slams rain against the windows, shaking the screens as it pulls the rain back and forth with each gust.

It’s late, your inability to sleep renders you curled up in your bed doing some light reading as you try to tire your mind. Sleep doesn’t come easy for you often. Nighttime is when your thoughts are the loudest, often analyzing and reanalyzing conversations you’ve had and situations you’ve been in, thinking about all the different ways they could of gone or thinking about every possible angle to a situation that hasn’t happened yet, just so you’re prepared if it does. The one time recently you actually slept without issue and slept well was the night you fell asleep at Joel’s. There was just something about Joel, something about his presence, his voice that was soothing to you. His ability to ease your overbearing mind allowing you to be in the moment when he was around was nothing you’ve ever experienced before and that scared you. The mystery of these uncharted waters scared you, the unknown of not having a situation in your past to lean back on for reference made you feel anxious. But the way he made you feel out weighed the anxiety for once in your life.

You start to doze off when you’re awoken by the sound of booming thunder filling the room. You sink under the covers the more the thunder rolls through the room. You can’t explain it, there’s just something about thunder that’s been anxiety inducing since you were a kid. At this point you’re curled up in the tightest ball when a loud BANG is heard and all the lights in the house go out. The bright flickers of lighting light up the room from the sides of the shades as more thunder crashes, sounding like giants falling through the atmosphere. You’re terrified at this point, trembling in a tight ball under your covers.

—————————————————————-

Joel’s Pov

Joel’s up, he’s always up late. Sleep often alluding him. He didn’t rest well, always feeling that he hasn’t done enough, that he’s failed someone. He’s just laying there half watching the tv when his phone rings, he knows Tommy’s home because he can hear him down stairs and it’s too late to be any of the guys from work. Panic washes over him when he sees your name on the screen.

“H-hello..”

“J-Joel?” Your tone sounds strained

“Sweetheart, is everything ok?”

“I-I just needed to hear your voice” he can tell by your tone that you’ve been crying, that your stressed out.

You let out a strangled whimper as another boom of thunder rolls through the sky.

“I-I’m just having a hard time a-and just needed to hear your voice.”

Joel melts at the notion that he comforts you, that your comfortable with him and that you would turn to him for comfort. Because truth be told Joel was crazy for you, you’d pretty much stolen his heart since the day he met you. All he wanted to do was show you how much he cared, how much you meant to him.

“Is it the storm sweetheart?

“Y-yes, the thunder makes me anxious and we lost power.”

“Where are you? Y’at home?”

“Yes”

“Ok darlin’ listen to me. Put some music on on your phone to focus on, use t’he flashlight on your phone t’pack a back for a couple days and I’ll come get ya.”

“No Joel…I-I couldn’t ask you to do that”

“I gotta make sure your alright darlin’, I care bout ya k’now that right? You didn’t ask me do anything, I’m doin it cause I want too, I-l I want t’see you”

“ I-I want to see you too Joel”

Joel swears he can her the smile in your voice. He means every word of it. He’ll take every chance he has to protect you, to make you feel loved and cared for.

“TOMMY” Joel yells down the stairs.

“Already got the truck runnin’, I heard you on the the phone, I’m comin’ with you.”

“Tommy no, thunder is one of your triggers I can’t ask you t’do that.”

“Y’two are the two most important people in my life, it’ll be rough but I’m not having y’two out there alone.”

When Joel and Tommy get to your street they find it blocked off. It appears the cause of the power outage was a big tree going down on the power lines further down the road.

Joel pulls up to the barricade rolling down his window.

“Evening officer, w’ould it be possible to get to that second house there?”

“Sorry roads closed”

“ I understand that sir I just need to get to my girlfriend, she’s without power and having a panic attack about all the commotion. Just need to pick her up and we will be on our away.”

“Alright, but make it quick!”

The officer moved the barricade so they can get through.

“You called her your girlfriend?”

“Fuck I dunno Tommy it just came out, I didn’t want the cop to say no.” Joel says as they pull into your drive way.

“You do like her though, you want her to be your girlfriend don’t you?”

“More than anything Tommy, I’d do anything of that girl, hell I’d take her hand and marry her tomorrow if she take me, but she probably doesn’t feel the same, what’s a girl like her want with a guy like me?”

“Stay in the truck I’ll be right back”

You swing the door open before he even reaches the top step of the porch, like you’d been waiting by the window for him, because truthfully you had been.

Joel catches a glimpse of you in the moonlight of the open window, he reaches out to caress your face when he sees how distraught you look, how puffy your eyes are when you just fall into his embrace. He’s taken a back by this for a moment, realizing you really do find safeness and comfort in him.

“Let’s get you outta here sweetheart, you’ll be nice and safe at the house with me and Tommy”

Joel grabs your bags and swiftly leads you outside into rain to the truck. Joel’s helps you into the back when he realizes Tommy’s in the drivers seat.

“Tommy? W’hatya doing?”

“Figured I’d drive back so you can be in the back with her.”

“Tommy! The thunder, you didn’t have to do this” you exclaim as you lean over the seat to give him a big hug.

Tommy didn’t have to say anything, you already knew it was hard for him to be out in the storm surrounded by the thunder too. You and Tommy where similar in those ways. Joel admired the care you showed Tommy, that even in a time of distress for you you’re making sure Tommy is alright too.

You settle back into the seat as Tommy starts backing out if the driveway. You let out a ragged breath and instinctually grab Joel’s hand as another rumble of thunder rips through the sky. He wastes no time lacing his fingers in yours, smoothing his callused thumb over the side of your hand.

You scoot closer to him as you lay your head on his shoulder, breathing out a relaxed sigh.

“Im so happy to see you Joel” you whisper as you tilt your head up to look at him.

“I’m so happy to see you to sweetheart, I’m glad you called”

Joel can tell your tired by your eyes, but you’re still, even in this moment, the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen.

“Let’s get you settled so you can get some sleep, I’ll set you up in my room and I’ll sleep on the couch”

Joel grabs your bags and chuckles “Christ it looks like your moving in” he jokes as he walks you up the stairs.

“Well I had to bring my pillow too, I can’t sleep anywhere without it” you laugh shaking your head at how ridiculous you sound.

“Let’s get you out of these soaked clothes, you must be cold”

“I am a little bit” you say bearly above a whisper as you take your pillow out of one bag and dig through the other for pajamas

You go down the hall to change. Washing your face in the sink you pause just looking at yourself in the mirror.

You look like shit. But you have to tell him how you feel.

Joel’s down stairs setting up the couch when you get back from the bathroom so you lay down and curl up in the bed leaving the room dimly lit with a small lamp. Joel comes upstairs to check on you, when he gets to the doorway he sees you curled up in his bed. He finds the sight of you precious, how cozy and relaxed you look it’s a sight he could get used too. You look up to see him standing in the doorway looking at you and you give him the most genuine smile.

“Sorry, I kind of made myself at home” you say nervously.

“Oh sweetheart don’t be sorry. I want you to feel at home here. I was just coming to check on you, make sure you were comfortable.” Joel says sitting on the end of the bed.

“You must be tired, try to rest and get some sleep. I’ll be on the couch if ya need anything.” Joel says reaching for the lamp.

“J-Joel… you can..um will you stay with me?”

Joel is taken by surprise that you’d actually want to share the bed with him, that he just stares at you for a moment. When he says nothing you become anxious, fearing you misread things.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Forget I said anything.”

You reach to shut the lamp off but he rests his hand on your leg to stop you.

“No, no sweetheart it’s not like that, I’m honestly just surprised. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to say that.”

“I don’t want you to feel pressured either. I don’t feel pressured at all, Im being genuine.”

“If you’re truly ok with it I would like to stay in here with you” Joel says as he searches your eyes for any hesitance. But when you meet his gaze with the kindest genuine smile he knows your serious.

“I usually sleep without a shirt, i-is that ok?”

“Of course, how ever your comfortable, I don’t want you to change your routine because I’m here.”

“Sweet dreams sweetheart” Joel says before clicking off the lamp.

“Thanks Joel you too.” You flash him a smile even though it’s dark, thinking he won’t see it but he does.

Another boom of thunder rolls across the sky as you let out a pained sigh. rolling over and resting your head against Joel’s arm, just like in the truck.

“It’s ok, come here baby girl, I got you.” Joel says as he opened his arms, hoping he didn’t freak you out by calling you baby girl, it just came out.

As you scoot closer, he wraps you up in his arms. It’s dizzying how good you feel there, the way you nestle you head into his broad chest until you’ve found the perfect spot. The way you contently hum as you wrap you’re arm around his mid section holding him just as closely as he is you that really makes him melt. The way you start sleepily drawing little circles on the skin over his ribs as you lay there. He could die in this moment and be ok with it, being happier than he has been in years. It’s in that moment that all he wants to do for the rest of his life is love and care for you, to protect you and be there for your every up or down.

“Thank you Joel” you mumble sleepily as the sound of his heartbeat starts lulling you to sleep.

“Anything for you sweet girl” Joel whispers as he kisses the crown of your head.

—————————————————————-

As your eyes flutter open the next morning your head is still nestled on Joel’s chest. The two of you slept like that all night, which makes your smile tug at the corner of your lips. This is what happiness and acceptance feels like. You gingerly and quietly slip out from under Joel’s arm and sit up on the bed. You sit there for a moment and take in the true beauty of Joel, the way the morning sun highlights his strong nose and jaw. How his sun kissed olive skin glistens with every rise and fall of his chest.

You slowly get up off the bed as to not wake him and quietly pad down the stairs to get a drink of water.

You sneak back up the stairs and crawl back into bed. Joel had rolled over while you were down stairs, so you just curled up on your side and settle back in.

There was just something about Joel you couldn’t put your finger on. You wanted him to be the first thing you saw in the morning and the last thing you saw at night. You wanted to be there for the ups and downs, showering him with love every chance you got. Something about Joel just felt like home. You are pulled from your thoughts by Joel as he wraps his arm around you pulling you back flush against his chest, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. A giggle bubbles up when his scruff tickles the soft skin of your neck.

Here’s your chance…

“Hey J-joel” your voice is barely above a whisper

“Hmm” he sleepily hums in response

“I-I like you, like a lot” I say nervously, regretting the words as soon as you say them, preparing for the rejection.

Joel’s eyes snap open, he feels like he’s in a dream, he couldn’t of heard you right?

“Say that again sweetheart”

You roll over so your facing him, though you’re barley able to look him in the eye.

“I like you Joel… I like you a lot.” You nervously say as you reach out smoothing your fingers along his cheek bone.

Joel feels his heart beat quicken. “I like you a lot too baby girl…god I’ve been dying to tell you.

“Is it ok if I call you mine?”

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[flippyspoon]

Unfathomable Emotionality

Note: TOS Spirk ficlet. I GOT YOUR FLUFF RIGHT HERE.

Jim read the memo again as an increasingly queasy feeling settled into his stomach.

Jim,

Subspace comm tomorrow at 1600. I need to talk to you due to concerning reports from crew regarding fraternization.

Best,

Bob

Bob was Admiral Robert Thorne. He had taught Jim at the academy and taken him under his wing. As a result, Jim had a comfortable relationship with the admiral, enough that they often gossiped about goings on in Starfleet.

But the memo was more than a little alarming.

This is it, Jim thought. They know about me and Spock and they’re putting the hammer down.

Jim worried about the memo for the rest of the day, and that evening as he shared dinner with Spock in his quarters–their routine habit since entering into a romantic relationship–Spock attempted to calm him down to no avail.

“The memo was not at all specific,” Spock pointed out. “It may concern other crew members.”

“And if it doesn’t?” Jim stabbed at his Pad Thai noodles. “Then what? They split us up? I can’t… Spock, I know it’s what other people do. But…”

Spock reached across the table and covered Jim’s hand with his own.

“I know, ashayam. It would not be acceptable to be parted. We may be able to convince them that allowing us to remain as we are is in their best interest.”

“Reports from crew, he said.” Jim shook his head. “Are we so blinded by our own happiness we can’t see that we’ve created a problem on the ship?”

“I might have seen the logic in a memo concerning our relationship,” Spock allowed. “But the way this memorandum is worded… I did not expect it.”

“It would be hard coming from Bob,” Jim said sadly. “Always liked Bob.”

The next day, Jim couldn’t help but sense a tension from the bridge crew, as if everyone knew what was coming. Uhura wore a tight smile and kept asking him how he was doing. Sulu wouldn’t quite look him in the eye. Chekov kept stifling a chuckle, which seemed hurtfully incongruous.

But Jim got through the day as he always did. Survey of an M-Class. Nothing of note really, outside some fungus growths that Spock took great interest in.

At 1600 hours Jim sat down in front of his comm screen and sighed heavily.

“Jim!” Bob seemed very cheerful when he popped up on screen and Jim didn’t know what to make of it. “How the hell are ya?”” “Uh…good. I think I’m…” Jim shrugged. If not for this anxiety-inducing meeting, he would have said he was happier than he could have imagined ever being. “Think I’m great? How are you?”

“Oh boy, busy as ever. One thing after another.” Bob looked away at a PADD, frowning. “What is this, what is this… Sorry, I’ve been in back to back meetings like this all day. If it isn’t one thing it’s- oh! Okay. Well, yes, I suppose you’re very happy.”

Bob folded his hands and fixed Jim with an unreadable expression.

Jim didn’t know how to interpret this.

Was this sarcasm?

He felt he had to take the whole thing dead serious and sat up straight in his seat. “I am, Bob. And…I just want you to know, whatever this is, I’m going to fight it. Spock and I both will. So give me your best shot.”

Bob’s mouth turned down and he blinked at Jim. “Gosh, Jim. Aggressive! Alright, uh… how does one month leave sound? It’s more than we usually give for this kind of thing. But, considering your performance, I don’t think anyone will mind.”

My performance.

Jim’s heart sank.

He had thought the Enterprise under his command had been doing some pretty incredible work.

Apparently, Starfleet did not agree. And rules were rules.

“Forced leave,” Jim murmured. “God, Bob. Won’t there be a hearing or something?”

Bob opened his mouth, closed it, and then it twisted rather comically. He scratched his head. “Forced leave? Jim, what the hell are you talking about? Don’t you want to take a honeymoon with Spock?”

“Ah…uh…um.” Jim stared at Bob. He heard his own heartbeat start to race almost painfully. “I’m sorry. Um. What the hell is happening?”

“I’m not sure?” Bob said, chuckling. “Jim, I’ve been corresponding with Spock for a while now and- oh God, how rude of me. My congratulations on your engagement. About time, I would say. Everybody on Starbase 1 is so happy for you. I think they threw a party in San Francisco when they heard the news hahah! Anywho, I got…boy oh boy, let’s see here…” Bob glanced at his PADD again. “Close to twenty communications from your crew demanding that you and Spock get a proper honeymoon, and some were even concerned there’d be trouble with the higher-ups, captain and XO getting hitched and all that. But you know as well as I do how loosey goosey the rules are, especially these days. I mean, ha! We can’t very well send you on a five-year mission and expect people not to end up in relationships! Now a captain and XO? Sure, it’s unusual. But we’re not looking to break what’s fixed. Jim? You okay? You look a little dazed. Were you not planning on a honeymoon? Of course, it’s up to you two. But I just assumed…”

Jim attempted to speak. “Ah…uh… You’ve been…” His voice came out about three octaves too high. He cleared his throat and tried again. “You’ve been corresponding with Spock?”

“Oh God.” Bob’s eyes went wide. “Oh my God. Oh, my wife is going to absolutely kill me. He didn’t ask yet, did he? Jim, he told me he was going to do it…” Bob typed on his PADD and gasped. “Oh no. Not for another week. Oh, Jim. I am so sorry. What a dunderhead.”

“He’s going to…” Jim thought he might be floating. “Spock is going to propose to me? Your memo… Bob, your memo said there were reports from the crew concerning fraternization-”

“Oooh. I worded that badly, didn’t I?”

Jim was due back to the bridge at the end of the meeting which culminated in a dozen apologies from Bob and assurances that he and Spock would get as much leave as they required if they did choose to honeymoon.

He rode the turbo-lift in a daze and didn’t realize that a few tears of pure joy had slid down his cheeks until he tasted the salt on his lips. He wiped them away, attempting to compose himself.

But as we walked out on the bridge, everyone was staring at him, and Spock’s expression darkened.

McCoy stood near the science station too, inexplicably. He coughed. “Everything okay, Captain?”

Bones raised two thumbs up, smiling with teeth.

McCoy knew?!

“Y-yes.” Jim looked to Spock, unable to keep his expression neutral. He physically could not stop grinning. “Everything is…very good. Excellent. I think?”

Uhura nudged Spock. “Just do it now, dummy!’ She hissed.

“Captain,” Spock said, neutral as ever. “May I speak to  you in your ready room for a moment?”

Everyone inhaled.

Sulu was audibly crying. 

“Of course. Mr. Spock, of course.”

“Hikaru, zamolchi!” Chekov whispered, punching Sulu’s shoulder.

In Kirks ready room, Spock gave nothing away. At least, initially.

“I had hoped Admiral Thorne’s memo was regarding an issue among the crew unknown to me. It was as ambiguous to me as it was to you, sir.”

“Spock?” Jim couldn’t stop himself. He rested his hands on Spock’s shoulders and brought him close. “I didn’t think… We never discussed it. Given the traditions among Vulcans, I thought… I just thought it wasn’t in the cards.”

“I planned it so carefully,” Spock said, frowning. “We already share a potentially powerful bond. I wanted to alert Starfleet to my plans, only to ensure an adequate period of leave. This would give us time to settle into our final bonded state as…” Spock swallowed.

“As a married couple?” Jim whispered.

“Yes, Jim.” Spock rested his hands on Jim’s hips. “That was my intention. As this is already quite out of the realm of Vulcan rites, I thought you might enjoy a traditional human ceremonial rite for our wedding. I requested McCoy’s assistance in the matter. How the others became aware of my plans, I cannot say. But logically, we can assume he is to blame. However, I imagine he will be your best man. So I suppose I cannot banish him from the wedding party.”

“Spock,” Jim said. “Yes?”

“You haven’t asked me yet.”

“Ah.” Spock’s brow furrowed, his mouth a tight line. “I…I had prepared an elegant presentation as to why a permanent union with me would be in your best interest-”

“I’m sure it was an hour long,” Jim said, nodding. He whispered in Spock’s ear, “Just say it, sweetheart.”

“Jim…I… “ Spock took a deep breath. “Will you marry me, t’hy’la?”

Jim kissed him and whispered against his lips, “Yes, I will.”

Jim wrapped him in a hug and felt how Spock could no longer disguise his emotion. He held Jim tightly, pressing his fingers to Jim’s psi points and whimpering when he got a glimpse of the explosion of joy within him. “Jim.”

“I love you, Spock,” Jim whispered, and kissed his ear. “What else could I have said?”

“I am…” Spock had to pause for a moment to gather himself. “I am gratified. Especially, as I have already alerted my mother. And I believe she has already contacted your mother.”

“Oh, boy.”

When they finally walked out on the bridge, the crew stared at them, clearly on the edge of their figurative seats.

“Vell?” Chekov threw up his hands. 

Kirk shrugged, all innocence, and looked to Spock who agreeably raised a guileless eyebrow. “Well, what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Jim,” Bones growled. “Captain, I swear to God, if you don’t put us out of our misery-”

“I already bought a dress!” Uhura said.

Kirk sat in his chair and cleared his throat, winking at Spock who headed straight to his station. “Course heading, Mr. Sulu?”

“Starbase Six as ordered, Captain,” Sulu said, mournfully. “Warp impulse two.”

“Very good. Thank you.” He smiled to himself and finally said, “Also, Mr. Spock and I are to be married so-”

Everyone screamed.

“We will advise as to the pending nuptials-”

“Utterly unfathomable emotionality,” Spock grumbled.

“Shut up, it’s beautiful!” Bones said, weeping on Spock’s shoulder.

[sleptwithinthesun]

y'all're way too nice. i genuinely forced out the last fic i posted and might just end up rewriting it later, but i'm trying to write the au chronologically so there aren't continuity errors, and that one needed to be finished before i could work on the next few.

anyway.

here's ~1.2K detailing the first time s/teve and n/ancy try inducing j/onathan :) hope you like it because THIS is where the fun starts

"Is this okay?"

Jonathan shrugs, his knees tucked up to his chest and parted slightly for Steve and Nancy to access his face. His back is against the headboard of their bed, and he's twisting his fingers together nervously. "I think so," he says, managing to prevent his voice from curling upward at the end and turning into a question.

Nancy smiles at him, and Steve reassures, "Don't be nervous, Jon. Whatever happens is fine. Don't feel pressured because of us."

He nods, but the anxiety building in his chest is too much for him to speak around. It's taken a while for him to come around to the idea of letting them induce him, despite how willing he initially was to put it on the table, and now, he might be regretting it.

"Hey," Nancy says, putting a hand on his knee. "Be honest, Jonathan. Do you not want to do this?"

Jonathan swallows. His throat is too dry. "I want to," he says. "I do."

"Are you sure?"

He nods. "Yes." His voice comes out a little steadier that time, and Nancy and Steve relax a bit.

"Alright," Steve says, picking up one of the pillows and examining it for a long moment before plucking out a feather. "We're going to start small, okay? Tell us if you're uncomfortable at any time, and we'll stop as soon as you say so. We've both done this before, so if anything gets to be too much, we know how to dial it back. Okay?"

"Okay," Jonathan whispers.

It's... kind of awkward. Likely because Jonathan feels awkward sitting there and letting Nancy slide a feather into his nostrils, but also, just because the situation itself is fairly unorthodox. He's never been into anything specific, in regard to sex, and has no experience with this particular kink.

"Does it tickle?" Nancy asks quietly, using her fingertips to slowly twist the feather around. She's hitting all the soft walls of his nostril, getting the barbs to brush right up against the mucus membranes.

Jonathan hums in affirmation, then pulls away a second later to bring his shirt up over his face and sneeze quietly, suppressing it the way he always does. "Sorry," he says the second he pulls his shirt down, and Steve only smirks at him.

"Don't apologize. That's kind of the point, though, it would be nice if you lost the shirt so that you couldn't hide your face," he says, and Jonathan flushes. "Stick to your boundaries, though."

He takes the feather from Nancy, inserting it into the other nostril and wiggling it around. They have different methods, he realizes; while Nancy prefers to take it slow, teasing him, Steve goes quickly, almost rushing, and it's a matter of about thirty seconds before Jonathan pulls away to sneeze again. "Oh," he says, blinking.

"What's going on?" Steve asks.

Jonathan sniffles. "That one felt, like, uh... more than the first one. Does that make sense?"

Nancy nods. "Yeah. Harsher?"

"I... think so."

"It looked like it, too," she comments. "You backed up more urgently."

And that is definitely not a normal thing to notice.

Something must show on his expression, because Nancy's eyes suddenly go wide. "Oh, shit. Was that too weird?"

"It's weird, but good-weird," he says. "Because it's you-weird, and Steve-weird, and I love both of you."

"You're so fucking sappy," Steve says, and kisses him. "Are you ready for more?"

"Yeah," he says, actually feeling confident this time. "Keep going."

"If you say so," Nancy sing-songs, then slides the feather back in. "This time, try not to sneeze for as long as you can, okay?"

Jonathan nods, wincing when the position of the feather changes. Nancy's careful to adjust it, spinning it slowly as the itch and irritation builds up slowly. He scrunches up his nose a couple times in an attempt to alleviate the feeling, and Steve laughs a bit.

"You look like a little bunny rabbit when you do that," he teases, and Jonathan bites his lip to keep from either talking back to Steve or sneezing.

He scrunches his nose up again.

Nancy giggles. "You're right," she says to Steve. "He does look like a bunny rabbit. Very cute, Jonathan, thank you for that."

Jonathan laughs a bit, then does his best to clamp down on the rising urge to sneeze, the feeling blossoming quickly in the very back of his sinuses and buzzing in his face. His breath hitches once, twice, before he takes back control of it, forcing himself to breathe steadily.

"You getting close to needing to sneeze, Jon?" she asks, pushing the feather in just a tiny bit further and twisting it again.

"Y-yeah," he mumbles, sniffling again.

"Keep it back," she demands, a second before she lefts the feather brush against the very back of his nose, right where he assumes the olfactory nerves must be, and he gasps before throwing a hurried string of four into his elbow. He manages to stifle all but the last one, and it slips out in a tiny "hgk'sh!"

"Bless you," Steve murmurs, his eyes practically glinting with lust. "That was good, Jon."

He ducks his head. "I still have to sneeze," he confesses.

"You need help?" Nancy asks, offering up the feather. She waits for Jonathan to nod shyly before tracing around the edges of his nose in a figure eight pattern, and Jonathan shakes his head slightly at the sudden irritation.

Nancy's face breaks into a grin at that, and she beckons Steve over. "Do the thing," she says, still working at him, and Jonathan is given no time to even wonder what that means before Steve's finger is tracing lightly down the bridge of his nose.

"Nancy, that reahh! Really tickles," he murmurs.

"It's supposed to," she teases, and finally moves the feather back into his nostrils, attacking the areas just below Steve's finger. Jonathan's breath stutters, but he doesn't sneeze, not yet. Nancy's being careful not to let him, and he feels tears of irritation prick at his eyelashes. He's not even allergic to feathers, and yet.

"You almost there, Jon?" Steve asks, and he nods, closing his eyes. "Alright, we'll wrap it up."

The feather suddenly twists, changing direction, and brushes up against something that's really sensitive, because he's sneezing down into his lap with absolutely no warning and no ability to stifle them. "hk'sHhu!"

"Bless you."

"ESH'uh!"

"Bless you." From Nancy, that time.

"h'esHh'uh!"

"Bless you."

"Nance, he's gonna—"

"hk'shh!"

"Bless you," Nancy emphasizes, running a hand through his hair. "Shit, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he replies, blinking shyly up at her and Steve. "Was, um... was that okay?"

Steve grins. "That was perfect, Jon."

He smiles back at them, a bit sheepish. "You want to do any more of that tonight, or wait?"

"If you're up to it, then I'd definitely want to do more," Nancy says, and Steve nods in agreement. "Jonathan?"

"I'm good," he says. "That was... good, I guess."

Nancy snorts and Steve laughs a bit. "Baby's first time," he teases, and Nancy only laughs harder. "Alright, Jon, round two."

He nods, and it begins.

[gay-hoodie-boy]

Nocturne of Gotham: Fear Toxin

Just a hurt/comfort pre-identity reveal idea i came up with in the shower, written in a screenplay format cuz it's easier :3

Uhhh... cw the first segment is. Way more angsty than i intended it to be <:3

[SCENE: A Fear Toxin-induced hallucination. NELL sits alone at a desk, surrounded by piles upon piles of paperwork. The room is dark, and a blackberry phone sits vibrating on the desk.]

[Enter NELL's family. Silently, they line up at the desk and drop another stack of paperwork each in front of him. NELL tries to reach for the blackberry to answer it, but it gets knocked away by the impact of each new paper stack. The last one to approach is NELL's MOM, who looks cold and angry.]

MOM: You never do enough for this family. Why can't you live the way you were born?

[The family exits the room single file, a small child knocking a stack of paper work over, causing it to flood the desk. NELL, in tears, scrambles through it to get to whatever he was working on. He finds and picks up the blackberry. Its screen reads "HELP?" Before he can answer it, a massive binder is dropped on the desk with a rumbling sound. NELL looks up. It's JASON.]

JASON: [Glaring] Turn your phone off. I don't care what you want, I need your services. Now. Hurry up.

NELL: J...Jason-?

JASON: Shut up and do your job for me!

[JASON yanks the phone out of NELL's hand and throws it at the wall, smashing it pieces.]

JASON: Remember your worth, Nell. You don't deserve any of us no matter how much you give.

[SCENE: A warehouse somewhere in Gotham City. Some asshole villain has kidnapped Nell, again. Nell sits on the ground tied up to a building pillar. The villain idly sits on a crate, filing their nails. Nell has just woken up from a dose of Scarecrow's Fear Gas, as a manipulation tactic fron our unnamed villain.]

VILLAIN: So. Being a tool, huh?

[NELL does not respond. He is too busy shaking in panic, and also has a gag in his mouth.]

VILLAIN: I know how you can avoid that.

[VILLAIN looks down at Nell, who only meets their gaze for a moment.]

VILLAIN: You should join me. Take over Gotham together. Nobody can use you when you have all the power.

[NELL shakes his head emphatically, huffing in a mix of anxiety and anger. VILLAIN laughs.]

VILLAIN: What? Come on, I'll treat you right. God knows these class traitor Bats won't. They think they're so great, but it's clear they're funded by someone. You and I never had that growing up, did we? Having to rely on people who looked down on us... just like you do with these vigilantes who insist your pathetic life is worth saving.

[NELL breaks the eye contact, physically unable to voice his thoughts on the matter. He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down and let the villain's words go in one ear and out the other.]

VILLAIN: Oh, I know who you're thinking of. The Red Hood, who most often comes to save you. You think he cares, don't you?

[NELL's attention is caught, and he turns his head to VILLAIN sharply, causing them to laugh.]

VILLAIN: Awww, you really do see him as your knight in shining armor! How cute! [Hops down from where they're seated, takes a few intimidating steps towards NELL.] Let me tell you something he won't, my friend. [In a low, harsh whisper] He doesn't care about you. You're nothing but another obligation to take care of, it's his job to rescue you, nothing more.

[A beat of silence follows. NELL glares daggers at the villain in spite of his tears.]

VILLAIN: And yet, you think he loves you. How quaint! Isn't it obvious th- [sudden, sharp, shout. Drops to the floor, unconscious. Standing behind them is RED HOOD.]

[RED and NELL stare at each other for a long moment, both recovering from the incident.]

RED: [glancing up and down to check NELL's physical state from a distance] I, uh... I hope you know everything they said wasn't true. Except for the job part. It is my job to keep citizens like you safe, but it doesn't mean I don't care about you.

[They continue staring in silence. It takes a moment for NELL to think about the gag, more focused on the fact that RED isn't normally so... docile? This was the most calm and peaceful NELL has ever seen him act.]

[NELL motions his head to gesture to RED that he can't talk, due to the gag.]

RED: [rushing over] Shit, right, sorry.

[RED kneels down to free NELL from his bonds. As soon as his mouth is free, NELL stretches his jaw, then speaks.]

NELL: You don't have to care, Red.

RED: [Stops working on the bonds for a beat] What?

NELL: I don't- I don't mind being an obligation to you. [Quick deep breath] It doesn't really matter to me how you feel about who I am as a person, because regardless, you come to my rescue. Every time you save me, you remind me that my life might be worth preserving.

RED: [Bashful as he undoes the bonds] That... really means a lot, knowing I can remind you of that. [The bonds are loosened and dropped.] But for the record, I do care about you. You're more important to me than an obligation, Nell. If you feel like no one's on your side, don't forget that I am.

[Both are silent for the following moments as RED assists NELL in getting to his feet and straightening himself out. The silence is awkward for a moment, but NELL displays his appreciation through a soft smile and lingering touch.]

RED: ...so. [puts his thumbs in his pants pockets, trying to act casual] I know this is farther out than usual from your neighborhood. Do you need a ride?

NELL: You have a driver?

RED: I've got a bike.

NELL: [surprised, but not upset] Like, a motorcycle?

RED: [nods] I can give you a lift back to your place. It's faster than calling a rideshare, and safer than wandering Gotham at this hour. [Affectionately exasperated] As you often tend to do.

NELL: [soft laugh] My friend Jason has a motorcycle. I rode it with him once. I panicked, but he was such a gentleman about it. Uh... I guess what I'm saying is sure, I'll ride with you.

RED: [flustered by a mishearing of the statement] You'll what.

NELL: Ride with you. I trust you.

RED: Ah. Right. [Clears throat] Uh, yeah, it's tucked away outside. Come on.

[RED holds his hand out, and NELL takes it. They chat as they begin to exit.]

RED: So... what was that about Jason being a gentleman?

[END SCENE]

[infini-tree]

🤥⚾️📢🪤 for sception/any other ocs you wanna do

oc emoji asks!

🤥 LYING - are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying?

better than a certain toilette "caved in and told his whole backstory to two kids he knew for less than 10 minutes" ree /j

for real, i think his lying game is pretty good. any weird discrepancy can be usually explained away by the fact that every adult in this series are a little off. and for the secrets that are on the more grounded end, getting him to reveal any of that (if you're not selainius) is like pulling teeth.

as for tells, its really a manner of knowing what to look for with him. spy work made him train out the most obvious of his tells, but he has a tendency to forcefully stuff his hands in his pockets to prevent his hands from giving him away. this paradoxically is a tell in and of itself, but hell if you know what the tell is for, exactly.

⚾ BASEBALL - can they play sports? what is their best position if they play a team sport? what's their strong suit (speed, power etc.)?

a few sports are off the table as a result of his eye injury, like basketball and baseball. for personal reasons, it would be ill-advised to put sception in a boxing or wrestling scenario, despite his combat training-- having a reduced field of vision in a combat scenario (even sports-based combat where there's a level of control) is anxiety inducing.

he'd probably do well in archery, or other agility/technique based sports.

discounting what i've said, though, in a team sport situation he'd be best equipped for any speed-based role on the side/support.

📣 MEGAPHONE - how loud are they? what do they speak like? got a voice claim?

my primary voiceclaim (in terms of vocal delivery, but not the voice actor i'd saddle him with), is alexander stravinsky, who voices jet siquliaq in the penumbra podcast. i've been trying to contend with which voice actor (in terms of actual voice) to give him and i've yet to figure it out.

as a result of me listening to tpp while i initially made him, this colors the rest of the answers of this prompt-- sception in present day is not particularly loud (which comes with the territory of a sabotage spy turned librarian) and has a typically measured tone. unlike jet, he has a few more instances of emotional inflection.

🪤 MOUSE TRAP - what will always lure them into certain danger? a loved one in danger? a promise of something they are always searching for?

as much as he wants to move on from his old spy days... if they asked him to come back to deal with an Omega Toilet level danger again, he would. as stated in the link above, he values knowledge and keeping that open to others so he takes some interest in anything that would go against that and on some level he feels a sense of obligation to fight.

this gets complicated considering that he has connections and a life outside now.

[bonellzz]

My first blog : a bit of history of a big challenge I was presented 18 months ago to define who I am today : Christopher J Bonelli 2.0

I came down with a very serious case of COVID-19 Delta Variant. I was placed in a medically induced coma for 55 days FROM July – Sept 2021, in the ICU. I had to be intubated and put on a ventilator, and eventually they had to do a tracheotomy, because they couldn't extubate me otherwise. While there they did a number of surgeries on me, on top of the tracheotomy, included a feeding tube, three chest tubes and multiple central lines.

On the 55th day I woke up with tubes coming out of all parts of my body. I was there for another week and a half, after being released from the ICU. When I was discharged, couldn’t walk or talk, and quickly realized the enormous feat I would have in front of me in order to recover. I had to learn how to walk, talk, eat, breath, and perform daily activities of living, all over again. I’m still on the big oxygen machine and my lung capacity is on 53% , doctors say I should make a recovery between 16-24 months. It currently has been 15 months since being discharged.

I’ve been a loyal tenant for three years now and this is the first time I am late on rent due to a financial hardship from getting sick and having over a year of rehabilitation? This complex has tried to evict due to a few weeks late on rent smh . Why Should I need to be penalized, the government did not help with ANY COVID RELIEF PROGRAMS …the state of FLORIDA did not find me temporary disabled granting me with SSDI although I met all the criteria. ERAP and SNAP declined me probably because my taxes showed I was making more than the threshold but what was I supposed to the in the following months with a 14 month no work order should help because I was making 6 figures and I will again when im fully healthy.

The leasing office knew everything that was going on and put me into another apartment 1406 at the same address 405 ne 2nd st apt 1406 fort Lauderdale fl 33301. There was no exchange a move in fee they handed me a key and I signed a lease. During the move I passed out twice and had to be hospitalized again because my lungs arent capable of that much endurance yet. So I have received an eviction notice and 3day notice to vacate on my door. I’m trying to keep a positive mindset that I will get better soon but I was the only survivor with delta variant from imperial hospital and have not received any funding from government. Im at the point where I need assistance from the government . I really need help.

Having a fiancé cheat on me during my recovery , losing my finances , job , relearning to become a human again of course I’m going to deal with mental issues that I have been overcoming through therapy

Im constantly getting my organs checked and my immune system is at the lowest. I lost everything in a snap of a figure but instead of sitting there an sulking I’ve been pushing myself to be strong and get passed this I went in the hospital at 195lbs came out at 120, I’m finally putting the weight back on, but there seems to be an obstacle in my way every time. I have major PTSD, Major Depression and anxiety disorder all diagnosed by a psychiatrist as well as permanent fibrosis in both my lungs. I went into AFIB 3 times as well. I’m only 32 and it’s a mission for me to bend over and put the dishes away or to walk just one block, I was a bodybuilder before my life was turned upside down.

It’s been 17 months and I have made a 90% recovery I believe it’s time Now its time for me to get back on my feet and others in need of my support and share my story to help overcome obstacles such as mine.

#covid19 #covidawareness #longcovid #covid #coviddelta #coma #survivor #covidreovery #recovery #covidisnotover #covidhelp #covidrelief #coronavirus #covid #corona #stayhome #quarantine #lockdown #staysafe #love #pandemic #share #shareyourstory

[riverdamien]

Endless Shadow

Our Endless Shadow!

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends" (John 15:12-13). NRSVue

=====================

On this day, May 12, many  years ago, my second year in seminary, I was driving home from my rural church's youth group on a rainy night. My car slid off the road, killing, Stacy, 15, and injuring myself. An accident that haunted me for years.

Several days later a minister friend shared with me some advice that has never left my mind:

"In time you will have two decisions you are faced with:

1. Continue in the ministry, close yourself into the institution, never question anything else in live;

2. Let yourself loose, questioning, challenge, everything and do something crazy like another friend who suffered a similar situation: he went out and raced cars with young adults."

Ultimately the second was chosen, bringing freedom of living a life of ministry, looking at all sides. A life of good mental health.

In Evie Yoder Miller's book, Volume 1: Shadows, Scruples on the Line, Miller presents a nation at the beginning, and the next two years of the Civil War, as divided in so many ways, culturally,

politically, religious  belief with many, many different denominations.  Jumping a 160 plus years later we see the same in our society.

Character, J. Fritz-Chicago, responding to a partners comments:

. . .He would rather talk about a new repeating rifle being made to kill more people, rather than discuss freeing slaves. .

...white people specifically are supposed to save the world.. .when death comes they go to a higher place."

He still believed "making money is a sacred trust, do it to the best of your ability. ."

I am sitting in the midst of "Toast" restaurant as I write, and around me people are simply talking,  about money or politics! Not much has changed!

This book is an excellent start to a three volume series.

My own resulting life from the aftermath of Stacie's death were horrible. At the time the Church simply wanted me to move, finish school, and "be strong" as an example to others.

Two quotes come to mind as I remember that time, and the journey through the years:

"Resilience is the ability to brush off pain," Kristen Roupenion,"

and James Baldwin:

"You can not love, without until you truly love yourself within."

Mental health is made up of these two quotes, and

and working with others with them. We all have a shadow, and we need to work on it all the time!

Happy Mental Health Month!

Happy Our Lady of Mary Month!

==========================

a blessing for those who care about strangers

What a waste.

That wasn’t going to get you a nicer apartment.

Bless those who give their health in service of patients who might not even deserve it.

What if that patient took unnecessary risks or was selfish or was never going to say thank you? You could have been protecting yourself or God forbid, sleeping through the night.

Bless those who listen to long, winding stories from lonely hearts.

Instead of rushing off to more interesting friends.

You picked boredom or patience instead of the warmth of being known.

That was your time and you’re never going to get it back.

Bless those who loved people who weren’t grateful.

The sick who endangered your health,

The deeply boring, who know you have things to do.

Loving people can be the most meaningful thing in the world, but it can also be hard and scary and boring and disgusting or sad or anxiety inducing with zero overtime.

Thank you to all those who make these bad investments.

Those acts of love that are not going to add up to success in the way that the world sees it.

You, my darling, are the definition of love.

This blessing was inspired by my conversation with nurse and writer Christie Watson

#######

Fr. River Damien Sims, D.Min., D.S.T.

P.O. Box 642656

San Francisco, CA 94164

punkpriest1@gmail.com

415-305-2124

River's Creed:

"I write  because this is the way I protest".

Ministry on the streets is the way I resist, dong what I can to proclaim the Gospel of Love to every human being with out judgment."

"Now I hand down to  you what has been revealed to me: that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures and he was raised on the third day according to the scriptures."

[ringsfullofdiamond]

11/22/22

writing out my thoughts because veronna suggested i do so. i want to start writing out some positive stuff, instead of always just writing my anxious and sad thoughts.

positive:

justin and i have been adjusting nicely in our place. things have been settling down more, and we’re getting in the swing of furnishing the apartment. everything is looking so nice so far, and living together has been really fun and easy. we’re both on the same page about everything, with cleaning, organizing, furnishing, etc. it’s been very peaceful and a nice pace. i’ve always grown to love cleaning and organizing, it’s super therapeutic and gratifying for me. i have this whole week off from work, so i’ve just been cleaning, cooking, baking, furnishing, and shopping. it’s been sooooo nice and relaxing. i’ve laid down a few times and just really sat in the peace of it all. not to mention the flowers i buy. they really brighten up the space & room. i’ve come to love interior designing so much, and it’s really nice to do it with justin by my side.

negative-ish brain dump:

thanksgiving is in two days, and i’m really nervous still. ton of thoughts go in my mind on how it’s going to go and i feel like i’m going to break out in hives. tbh, i don’t know why it matters to me so much. like why family judgment is just so offending but also nerve wracking and anxiety inducing. i think it’s because i’ve never really been a topic of gossip or scrutiny. i’ve always done things right, always casted a positive light on me. and i feel the projection from mom of course. she’s worried how me being with justin reflects on me, and ultimately her. and it’s ridiculous. there’s nothing wrong with justin objectively, he’s actually amazing. but the types of questions they’ll ask, the superficial things they’ll judge him on. the fact that he didn’t get a college degree & he’s short. it just feels unfair, but at the end of the day, what does it really matter if it’s unfair? like v says, who cares what they think? gossip is gossip; it’s not a reflection of me or justin, but rather my aunts and uncles. it’s what they do to feel better about themselves, to have something to idly chat about, to have a new topic of discussion. it does scare me. while i wish it didn’t, while i know it doesn’t matter, it scares me. i just hate being judged, and judged for no good reason. i don’t want that judgment to extend to justin. but i can’t let it be known or felt that i feel uncomfortable about the judgment. i think the more i own it and the relationship, the less of a big deal it is to them and ultimately me. it’s kind of like, not giving them a reaction when or if they question and ridicule the relationship. giving short, pleasant answers with a smile. showing that i’m relaxed and confident in my decisions. shows that i have ease and grace in my POV and they should get it too. and if they don’t.... whatever, right? 

the same mindset could be applied to friends who haven’t met justin yet. i do think about what ahran would think, knowing the way she is. she’s made comments about some of her gf’s and how their boyfriends don’t look that attractive. i’ve been guilty of making comments like this before, but i want to stop. because it really is hurtful and unnecessarily judgmental. nothing comes out of it. but yeah, she’ll prob see justin and just thinks he’s super short or not attractive enough, knowing her. but again, whatever. it’s my bf, not hers or anyone else’s. besides, everyone who’s ACTUALLY talked to and got to know justin know what a great person he is. introspective, thoughtful, observant, calm, and mature. he’s amazing. and those who can’t see that, like i say, is more of a reflection on them. i’ve always thought that if someone doesn’t like justin, it’s more of a reflection on them than him. because he doesn’t do anything wrong. in fact, he always does things right. rarely ever does he respond or react in a distasteful way. 

which brings me to some other anxiety.. i have to tell mom that justin didn’t get an AA. i feel ashamed that i said he did. in the spur of the moment, i told her that he did get one, and i think inside i felt some shame about the fact that he didn’t have one too. but i quickly realize that it really doesn’t matter and i actually don’t give a fuck. haven’t gave a fuck in a long while. my problem is i really internalize what other ppl think, and it sways my opinions. i’m pretty impressionable when i think about it, and not as grounded as i’d like to be. i want to keep working on it. but i’m reminding myself that if i have no issue or shame about j not having an AA, then that’s ALL that really matters. so i’ll let her know tomorrow on wednesday. 

i’m anxious about thanksgiving, but like i mentioned to v, it’s a few hours. it’ll pass, and life will move on. we will move on. justin and i will, and we’ll continue to live a lovely life full of laughter and pureness. you can’t control what people’s opinions are, what they say, what prejudices they have, and how they view you or justin or anyone else. but i can control how i respond. reminder to myself that if i feel uncomfortable or nervous or anxious, remind yourself it’s ok. this is a huge step outside of your comfort zone, and you should be proud of what you’ve been able to do so far. it’s nerve wracking to reveal you’ve been in this long relationship without family knowing, but fuck it man. it is what it is. it’s life. 

i’ve carried this anxiety with me since i told my parents about us, and it really hasn’t been easy. but it’ll GET easier. at the end of the day, when you start to doubt and get nervous, just remember what’s really important: my happiness. it’s my life, and i only got one. i’m going to do what i want to do, and that’s being with justin and living our best life.

wow i really brain dumped everything here. i do feel better and like a weight is off my shoulders a bit. and my mind is less filled to the brim with all of these negative thoughts. regardless of how the dinner goes, i hope i can look back at this entry down the line and see that everything is okay, and i’m okay. 

[thuskindlyshescatters]

Goodbye, my follower count.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Sorry if this was asked before but I'm curious, why is malleus your least favorite of the boys

OH BOY, where do I even begin? 😂

You can read this post (which outlines my major gripes with Malleus) and this post (which explains my feelings on his role in the main story’s narrative and the difference between enjoying writing a character vs disliking that same character on a personal level). I would also recommend this post because it has J word in it (it explains more of my thoughts on how strong Malleus is compared to the rest of the cast).

I would also like to add a few more things to my list of “Why I don’t like Malleus” based on my experience with canon content and/or the fandom since making that post:

In the second Halloween event, Malleus does something I just can’t forgive (I’m going to keep it vague to avoid spoiling TWST EN players), and it irks me that no one except for Ace seems to hold him accountable after like 5 minutes of being upset with him. This speaks to a few points I made in my original “Why I don’t like Malleus” post: because he is of such a high status and is so powerful, his peers can’t really do anything to counter the insensitive things he sometimes gets up to, he doesn’t get his comeuppance (compared to characters like Deuce, that constantly get beaten down or keep trying but failing, or Riddle, who has to work hard to cultivate his magic from a young age).

In reexperiencing TWST because of the release of TWST EN, it has become all the more apparent to me that the time Yuu spends with Malleus is super minuscule. I technically already mentioned this point, but it’s FAR more glaringly obvious now that I’m going through it all again. It just highlights the cognitive dissonance I feel whenever I’m playing through the main story, especially knowing what comes later. For example, there is this one moment of payoff in chapter 5 that some say is the “highlight” of the chapter because the rest of it was a slow-paced training arc... and it really doesn’t feel deserved to me because of Malleus showing up so little in the previous chapters. I understand why Yuu’s friendship perhaps means a lot in Malleus’s eyes, but I cannot say I feel the same for him, and I definitely cannot say I get why Yuu thinks of Malleus as anything more than a vague acquaintance. Since Yuu is meant to be “me”/an easily self insertable role, I don’t appreciate being dragged along on this friendship that I didn’t ask for, even if it’s meant to be important in the overall main story.

Time and time again, Malleus is given chances to reach out to others and yet rarely do I see him attempting to. His common peers are often reluctant to approach him—so why doesn’t he take the initiative if he’s sensitive about being forgotten or left out? I understand that socializing or putting yourself out there can be anxiety-inducing, but Malleus really is not helping himself by perpetuating this cycle and making little effort to get himself out of it. I also dislike that he doesn’t seem to make an effort to understand others (as demonstrated in his Dorm Uniform vignettes) despite Lilia often trying to get him to see the importance of it.

This admittedly has less to do with the character and more to do with his fans (not ALL fans, mind you, just the loud minority) but it still contributes to why I dislike him and I want to be honest about it. When I spoke about why I don’t like Malleus in the past, I experienced several weeks’ worth of harassment about it (and, if I recall correctly, this continued into the beginning of 2022) 💦 This included, but was not limited to: trying to get me to change my opinion on the character, arguing against points that I had clearly stated were “just my opinion”, gaslighting me about my understanding of him, insulting other TWST characters to prop Malleus up by comparison, making every single topic of discussion Malleus, and even retroactively trying to change who Malleus is as a character just to get me to agree that I like him (which I don’t). At the time, I made a few posts publicly to ask that my opinion be respected, and in response, I was told by some people “well, we’re just trying to make you appreciate Malleus more, so we are doing nothing bad and you’re just overreacting”. It stops being ‘trying to make me appreciate Malleus more’ and veers into harassment because I would sometimes wake up to as many as 10 asks a day of JUST talking about why me disliking Malleus was “wrong” (and it was clear they were coming from the same people because the same points with the same wording would be brought up multiple times). Many of those asks were EXTREMELY lengthy too, washing out all other non-Malleus asks and making me genuinely dread looking at my inbox. Again, I totally get that this is no fault of the character himself and that there are lots of really nice and understanding Malleus fans out there! However, this still doesn’t change the fact that I’ve made that negative association from my experiences 💦 I already disliked Malleus from the get-go, but these kinds of things only further exacerbate my feelings.

I hope that I sufficiently explained my thoughts and that I didn’t step on anyone’s toes 💦 As I’ve mentioned before, you’re valid for enjoying the characters that you do, even if I don’t personally enjoy those same characters! Just please remember to treat each other nicely, even if you don’t agree on something.

[yaya4302]

Red Hood Drabble

Red Hood (J. Todd) x GN!Reader

Warnings: Non-beta'd, mobile typed, bleeding, cursing

A/n: My first drabble on tumblr, not my best work but it is something :/

Edited: Also, tell me if you'd like a part 2 :)

_________________

"Holy shit." I breathed out.

I took deep breaths, feeling anxiety and fear course through me like a tide. The only thing I had a grip on was my hair. I stared down the man that broke through my window, still, breathing so shallow I thought he was dead.

When it happened, it took my mind a minute to recognize who I was looking at, but when I did, I felt like I was doomed.

Why the hell was Red Hood on my living room floor, bleeding on my new carpet?

I kept staring at him for what felt like forever, when his groan of pain snapped me out of my fear induced daze.

"Holy shit!" I quickly kneel next to him, slowly moving him over to his side. His helmet cracked, and his Kevlar vest was torn in various places. His leg had a blade longer than my hand lodged into the muscle.

"Hey, sir? Hey, can you talk?" I ask, adrenaline making my words come out too fast.

He didn't respond, which made me even more scared. Scared that this man was going to die on my floor. The reporters would have a field day with that.

"Okay, if you can hear me, I'm going yo take off your helmet, alright?" I settle him on his back, making sure to not move his leg too much. "I need to make sure your breathing right."

Anyone who has heard of Gotham also heard of its vigilantes. First it was Batman, then his Robin's, then Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and Batgirl. They made sure to protect the people, but with heroes come a lot of bad guys.

And by the looks of it, Red Hood either lost tonight or barely won.

I slowly remove the helmet, hearing a hissing noise as it opened up more. When I fully remove it, I find another mask stuck to his eyes.

"Smart." I mumble, setting his helmet aside. His cheek is split open, blood clotting by his hairline, and his nose bleeding and probably broken.

This guy went through it tonight.

I get up, racing to my bathroom to get my first aid kit, water, a towel and some swabs.

I come back, turning on all my lights so I can see him clearly. This bleeding man on my floor changed my night of eating, sleeping and reading into an episode of a medical drama.

"Looks like I'm calling off tomorrow."

[vash-the-trans-catboy]

Five to Form a Family ch. 2

Summary: Patton meets his kiddos

Taglist: @sanderdarksides @moons-the-nightmare @heirm @lost-in-thought-20 @1stressedanddepressed @xoaningout @lily-janus @jervis-tetch-my-beloved @thebittybonesaddict @just-a-little-anxious @parksthefrog (ask if you want to be added)

Word count: 1667

Ao3

Previous chapter

For the past week, Patton scrubbed his entire house from the basement to the roof. He wants to make a good first impression on his kiddos.

Their bedrooms still look very basic and minimum, only a bed with sheets for each kid and dressers. Patton finds it important to let his children decorate their rooms. He feels it will help make their new house feel like a home.

As Patton is double and triple-checking the bedrooms, the doorbell rings. “They’re here!” He cheers out to himself and goes to answer the door.

“Come on in. Make yourselves at home. I am Patton Sanders, feel free to just call me Pat or Patton.” He gives them all a warm and welcoming smile, becoming them into the house.

The five kids cautiously follow Emile into the house, each pulling a small suitcase behind them.

“Seems like you have everything handled here. Give me a call if you have any questions or problems.” Emile hands Patton a purple suitcase with a spider web design. He waved goodbye and heads on his way.

Logan decides to break the awkward silence, “Salutations. I am Logan. These are my brothers. This Virgil.” He points to the small child clinging to his arms for dear life, “The twins, Roman and Remus,” They give a small wave from behind Janus, “And Janus.”

“Oh. It is just lovely to meet you.” Janus rolls his eyes at Patton, taking a slight step back, “I bet you will make a great parent.”

Logan gently scowls at his brother, “Be nice, Janus. This man was kind enough to take all of us into his home. The least you could do is not be a complete jackass.”

Patton gasps, “Language, kiddo! Please no cursing in front of your younger brothers.”

“I don’t even know what a fucking curse word is.” Janus’ words come out as a hiss.

Patton is taken aback by the blunt rudeness of Janus; This is going to be more of a challenge than he previously thought, “We seem to be getting off on the wrong foot. I bet you all had a long tiring day. I get it, it must be stressful to move into a new house with an adult you don’t know. How about I show you guys to your bedrooms. Then we can relax, get to know each other, and order take out. Does that sound okay?”

“I don’t want my own bedroom.” Janus glares at Patton.

“Noooooo. That’s not fair. I should get my own bedroom.” Roman pushes in front of Janus and whines.

“I am sorry kiddos, but no one has their own bedroom. Come upstairs with me and I’ll show you to your rooms.” Patton leads his kids to the second floor. After telling the twins to follow Patton, Logan goes to Janus.

“Janus, everything will be alright.” He taps Janus’ shoulder in the most comforting way he knows.

“I don’t want to be here.” A few tears drip down Janus’ cheek.

Virgil peeks out of Logan’s collared shirt. He notices Janus’ tears and signs, ‘Why are you sad, J-A-N-U-S?’

‘I am fine. P-A-T-T-O-N is waiting. Let’s go’ Janus wipes away his tears and smiles at Virgil. Logan gave everyone a lecture earlier on how they had to stay calm around Virgil. He told them how this is stressful on everyone but it will be more anxiety-inducing for the youngest of them. Janus quietly follows Logan upstairs.

“I thought you three might have gotten lost.” Patton chuckles. He points to a medium-sized bedroom with twin beds, “This room is for Logan and Janus.” Janus claims the bed on the left side of the room. Right across the hall is a slightly bigger bedroom with a bunk bed and a twin bedroom, “This room is for the twins and Virgil!” Roman and Remus run into the room pushing each other aside.

“I call top bunk!” Remus pushes Roman to the ground, catapulting himself towards the bed.

“That’s not fair! That’s not fair! That’s not fair!” Roman pushes himself off the floor and runs past Patton back downstairs.

Virgil quietly whines from the commotion. Loud noises make him even more nervous. “Here take Virgil to his room. I will handle Roman.” Logan hands Virgil over to Janus and runs after his brother.

Janus whispers softly into Virgil’s ear, “Everything is alright. We are safe. We are together.” He doesn’t believe it for himself but Logan insisted on keeping Virgil calm as much as possible. He places Virgil on his bed and finds his favorite black and purple cat plushie. Virgil giggles and hugs his kitties tightly. ‘I love you, Mr cat.’

Patton wants to help calm his kiddos down but he knows a stranger trying to help will do more bad than good. He doesn’t try to stop Logan as he chases Roman downstairs.

Logan follows the sound of crying to the coat closet, “Hey, Roman. It’s Logan, can I come in?” The door slowly creaks open. Logan steps inside, shutting it behind him, “What happened up there? I do not buy that this is only over the sleeping arrangements.”

Roman’s lip quivers and he can no longer hold back his tears, “I-I miss mom. And and I want to go home.”

Logan pulls Roman closer, “I know it doesn’t seem ideal right now but we still have each other. This probably won’t help you feel better since you are a bit too young to understand but our parents were not the best people.”

Roman sniffles into Logan’s shirt, his words mumbled, “I-I know but they’re still our parents.”

“Let’s get out of this closet, okay?” Roman climbs into his older brother’s arms, ignoring Logan’s protest. Logan gives in and carries his little brother to the couch, where is Patton is sitting with Remus.

“Everything alright?” Patton asks with genuine concern.

“Yes, now it is. Roman is a bit worked up over this big change.” Logan says in a monotone voice as if he is a robot.

“Roman, how about you apologize to Remus for yelling at him. Then we can order whatever type of food you want.” Patton says calmly, making sure he doesn’t come off as mad.

“Okay.” Roman hops out of Logan’s arms and goes over to his twin, “I’m sorry, trash rat. I was out of line.”

Remus pulls Roman into a hug, “It’s okay, this is hard on all of us.”

“Great, now that everyone is on the same page again. Can one of you please get Janus and Virgil to decide on dinner?” Patton asks politely. Remus darts up the stairs before Roman has the chance.

A few minutes later, Remus comes back dragging his moody teenage brother down the stairs, who is holding a sleeping Virgil, “Quiet, Remus!” Janus snarls at Remus in a hushed whisper, “You’ll regret it if you wake up Virgil.”

“Usually I home cook the meals here, but I think we could all use take out tonight.” Patton’s voice wakes up Virgil. He is weary of the new person but can’t resist food.

‘Chicken fingers’ Virgil excitedly signs to Logan.

“How about we order from the local pizza place, they have great food!” Patton asks for the rest of their dinner choices then places the order.

………..

Dinner is awkward to put it softly. Virgil refuses to leave Logan’s lap and he keeps his head down the entire time. Janus throws Patton the stink eye every chance he has. Logan spends the entire dinner trying to encourage Virgil to remove his head from his shirt and eat his chicken fingers. The time passes painfully slow. Patton desperately tries to make conversation with his children but no one is willing to talk.

Patton takes a deep breath. It’s only the first day. Things will get better. Just give it time. He repeats this over and over again until he starts to believe it, “If you kiddos are done eating, I will clean up. It’s been a long day for all of you. How about you all shower, brush your teeth, and get ready for bed. I’ll be in the kitchen if anyone needs anything. In an hour I will check to make sure everyone is adjusting okay.”

Janus is the first one to dart off of his chair, Roman and Remus quickly follow him back upstairs. “I know my brothers don’t show it, but we all are grateful that someone took all of us in and didn’t separate us. Thank you for dinner, Patton.” Logan puts Virgil on the chair next to him and signs to him, ‘What do we say, V-I-R-G-I-L?’

Virgil signs to Patton without looking up, ‘Thank you.’ He reaches up to his big brother and demands to be picked up.

Logan picks Virgil up once again and heads upstairs to tuck Virgil in.

……..

An hour later, Patton goes to make sure his kiddos are doing alright. He peeks into the younger ones’ room first. Virgil and Roman are peacefully sleeping. Remus is sprawled out across the top bunk without a blanket. Patton grabs an extra fuzzy blanket from the closet and tucks Remus in. He turns on a small night light and leaves the door a crack open.

He goes across the hall to the older kiddos. Janus is curled up in a ball, fast asleep. His fierce facade has long since faded away. Janus acts tough but an act can only last for so long. Then there’s Logan awake on his laptop.

“It’s getting late, kiddo. You should head to sleep.” Patton approaches Logan with quiet footsteps, careful to keep Janus asleep.

“I’m compiling a list of all my brothers’ allergies and triggers.” Logan keeps typing, not looking up.

“I appreciate that but it can wait until tomorrow.” Patton presses save on Logan’s document, shuts the laptop, and places it on the dresser, “Goodnight, Logan.”

Logan yawns, “-Night, Patton.”

Patton is exhausted after today, he climbs into his bed and falls asleep almost immediately.

Next chapter

[lorei-writes]

Smut Alphabet: Masamune (A-Z)

Contents: Various aspects of sexuality and suitor’s sexual preferences. Certain kinks may be mentioned, but they are not described in much detail.

A: Afterglow

How are they after the moment? Do the fall asleep fast? Prefer to cuddle? Just roll onto their side and want to be left alone?

Given how hectic Masamune’s life is, it comes as little surprise that oftentimes, he is plainly tired afterwards, all his wishes being reduced to cuddling up with his lover and falling asleep, even if just for a short nap. Just in general, however, it is a bit of a vulnerable moment for him, all his scars being clearly visible, his face still being flushed. If it is possible, he will stay up until his lover falls asleep... He may also be a little grumpy if he cannot get at least a single hug afterwards.

B: Boundaries

Do they have any hard “no”s, things they would never do? Any hard boundaries? What are those?

He is rather open to experiments, but he still has his public persona to uphold. As such, anything that could possibly spoil his or his lover’s image is off limits (for example, public humiliation). Other than that, it may happen sometimes that he’d rather keep his eyepatch on, it’s something that may come up every now and again.

C: Curious

Is there something they’d like to try out? Does something fascinate them?

Well, it isn’t necessarily obtainable in the past, but if there was ever a chance to get in possession of those, he’d be curious to try modern sex toys. His lover did tell him a bunch about the different types of those, what they can be used for, and it seems to have inhabited the back of his head ever since.

D: Daring

How much are they willing to tease their partner in public? Perhaps it does not end only on teasing?

Flirting, stray touches, kisses that are perhaps just a little bit too much to handle - all in all, if chances of them being noticed are rather slim, Masamune is willing to go all on. However, he enjoys the flustered face of his lover quite a lot and as such, will most likely draw it out. Is it him torturing his partner, or him torturing himself? Ah, both, indeed, both.

E: Emotion

What is their approach to having sex? Is it a deeply emotional experience for them, something casual, or perhaps - it depends?

At first he was very casual about it, the entire act being just means of calming down and relaxing. He never got too emotionally invested into it, the partners he had never staying for too long just regardless. He doesn’t regret having this approach, but his views did change after he fell for his lover. Gradually, he begun to invest more feelings into it, so ultimately - it depends! Sometimes it’s just a fun activity, sometimes means to bond with each other, sometimes both!

F: First Time

What was their first time like?

He remembers it as being a little embarrassing. For one thing, he didn’t really have anybody to talk about most sex-related topics before, so well, he did have to go into it while knowing only so much. However, his partner was more experienced than him, so he just let her take the lead and teach him.

It also ties with the story of how his low tolerance to alcohol was discovered. They did want to have a go at it earlier, but his partner suggested getting a drink first, as to relax a little. Well, she certainly did not expect for Masamune to just fall asleep right there and then. He could hardly live it down and it still makes for semi-valuable blackmail material.

G: Guilty Pleasure

Is there something they enjoy, although they aren’t particularly proud of it?

It may not be the act itself, but the feeling accompanying it. It sometimes happens that, after he risked a bit too much and got injured as a result, his lover takes the lead and gets just a little rough. He is generally more so dominant towards them being dominant, but there is just something about it when they tie his wrists up and pin him down...

H: Hands

How is their touch? Do they lean more towards being rather rough, or perhaps gentle?

Endless hours of wielding a sword have left his hands rather rough. Nevertheless, if he just wishes so, his touch can be gentle and soothing - and it is so, whenever he wants to spoil his partner rotten and feels well enough. Some days are more emotionally draining, however, or much rather - anxiety inducing. He generally turns rougher then.

I: Imagination

Is there something they fantasise about? Would they want to turn it into the reality?

Masamune doesn’t generally let his mind wander, always opting to focus on the present... However, there are certain moments during the day when he lets himself be more lax - when falling asleep, soon after waking up... He may be thinking of what happened in his dream, but his real weakness is his lover doing anything in particularly suggestive manner. He also sometimes thinks of them playing out different roles. Some of those he’ll most probably bring up at one point.

J: Jest

How likely they are to joke about and during sex?

Joke about sex? More so general jokes are guaranteed to occur. Anything too specific to his relationship is unlikely to surface - unless it is an innuendo only his lover will understand. As for joking during sex... It is a fun activity! If anything goes mildly wrong or embarrassing, he is sure to laugh it off. (Well, unless it’s him who is the embarrassed one. He may need some help then).

K: Knowledge

Are they experienced? Is there something they didn’t or still don’t know?

Practise-wise he is very experienced - he was not only willing to try out different things, but had his fair share of partners. However, biology-wise... He may be lacking in that subject quite a bit, at least with the daily side of things. As in, he did know of period and that they appear roughly once a month, but since he never really shared his life with anybody, he wasn’t too aware of food cravings that happen before them, or of how severe the cramps can be.

L: Loud

Are they loud? Do they prefer to stay silent? What sounds to they make?

He generally tried to stay on the quieter side, and he still does, but well... It is not hard for his lover to fluster him and turn his grunts into moans, quite the opposite.

M: Misfortune

What is the most unfortunate thing that ever happened to them while having sex? How accident-prone are they?

Given his observant nature and the fact that he’s generally vigilant, Masamune is a sort of accident repellent. However, even he lets his guard down sometimes... Apparently, a moment of distraction is all it takes for a ruined orgasm and his lover slipping, falling forward, and accidentally elbowing him on the blind side of his face. He did have a bruise afterwards.

N: Nudity

How do they feel about their body? Are they insecure about something? Are they confident?

On most days, he’s rather confident in his looks. He is aware that his scars are part of the charm too, and that some view those as attractive - so quite honestly, the sprinkle of insecurity he felt upon entering a more so stable relationship was very surprising to him. His lover was the first person to touch the mark after his missing eye, after all... However, with enough time, it diminished almost completely and only ever resurfaces on the most draining of days.

O: Open

How open are they about their fantasies and wants? Is it hard for them to share those with their partner?

He’s very open about his needs, and save for few ideas, it is basically guaranteed that if he truly wants something, he will bring it up sooner rather than later. He doesn’t find it particularly hard too, well.. Unless there is an off-chance it will make him look mildly “uncool” - bad habits die hard.

P: Preferences

What do they like in their partner? What turns them on, what does the very opposite?

He loves it when his partner shows their need, when they speak up about what they want, and how they want it. Them being expressive and loud? Getting a little rough with him in return, their fingers pulling at his hair? It gets him going so much. As for the opposite of that... He does have a rather sensitive nose, so aside from the obvious lack of hygiene: a very strong perfume, or an overly sweet one. The scent of alcohol. He also generally doesn’t necessarily fancy the idea of his partner having their entire life circle around their beauty and maintaining it, even at the expense of enjoying themselves.

R: Regrets

Are there some things they regret having done? Or perhaps some things they wish they had tried?

No. Masamune strives to live his life without regrets. If he wants something? He will reach for it, or at the very least try to and see what his partner thinks.

S: Safe Word

What would their safe word be? Would they ever need it? When?

Oh, they have a couple of those! “Can we have sweet buns for dinner?” if his teasing in public starts getting too far. “Shogetsu wouldn’t like that” for when they’re having sex. Three squeezes at any body part if they can’t speak, for any reason (be it while they’re making love or in public).

T: Tested

What are some of their favourite activities to indulge in? The positions they’ve tested and enjoy? Something they’d go for while tired in the evening?

It’s rather situation specific! For early mornings, especially if he’s still a bit sore (either after injury or being more passionate the night prior): both him and his lover lying on their sides, their back turned towards him and he rolls his hips into them For evenings/nights, when he’s especially tired and in need of comfort: missionary For when he’s injured and cannot move too much without pain: his partner riding him, mutual masturbation Other than that, oral sex by itself is on the list too.

U: Unknown

Do they hold any secrets? Are there some things they have not shared with their partner?

Masamune never hid it whenever he missed his lover, but he never went into details about it either. As such, the dreams he sometimes has when they’re apart for longer, but soon to meet again are a bit of his secret.

W: Weakness

What are their weak spots?

Hmm... His ears, when their teeth just lightly graze them. The inside of his wrist when his lover kisses it. He’s also always moved when his lover caresses his scar.

X: XOXO

Have they ever sent texts/letters with some suggestive content? How likely are they to do so?

~can include a snippet of such a letter

Yes. Masamune has done it and he will most likely do it again.

[in reply]

Yes, I do miss you. But what do I miss the most? I cannot tell. Is it your smile? The way your lips feel on mine? I wish to nibble at your neck and see your eyes cloud again. I wish to taste you, your hands in my hair as you writhe in pleasure and beg for more. I want to hear your moans as I rock you, to feel your nails dig into my shoulders.

How can you ask which one of those I miss the most? Clearly, we would have to try them all again for me to fully know... Or perhaps even some more, if you had some doubts of your own.

Y: Yearning

How fast do they start to miss their partner?

It generally takes a couple weeks, perhaps even a bit over a month. As much as it may not set in fast, it sets in violently - and once they reunite, he is truly hungry of their affection.

Z: Zealousness

Do they like to give? To receive? How zealous are they in pleasuring their partner?

Overall, he doesn’t like to receive more than he gives, and prefers to finish his partner at least once before the attention is split between the two of them. He feels neutral about going down on his partner - it’s not his favourite thing by itself, but their reactions are well worth it, so it’s enjoyable in that way. He’s a bit uneasy when he’s on the receiving end first.

Tag list: @nad-zeta, @cheese-ception , @tsubaki3192 , @rikumorimachisgirl Notes: After a bit of internal debate, I decided to tag only people I know for smut, only if they 18 or older. (It is strictly for the sake of peace of my mind). Thanks for your consideration ^^”

[beneath-the-mask-imagines]

Hi! just wondering may i request an akira x reader where the reader lost her memories by some sort of accident and so doesn't remember who akira or anyone is maybe with some fluff. (it's okay if not ^~^)

A/N; please note I don't know much about this sort of thing so I had to consult our buddy Dr. Google for most of my information on amnesia. thanks!

words; 1,289

mild content warning for brief mentions of an accident and head trauma induced amnesia.

Akira Kurusu [Joker] x amnesiac!S/O;

Accidents were far from uncommon, especially in a city the size that was Tokyo; heavy traffic, the unpredictable public, subways lining the entirety of the underground - it never came as a surprise when some sort of accident occurred, though most never made major news unless they were particularly severe.

Akira had the budding worry that something had happened when you didn't turn up at LeBlanc that afternoon after school like you said you were going to, and that worry only grew as the day went on and you didn't return any of his texts. He fought off the urge to call you, not wanting to interrupt you in case your lack of response was due to you being busy.

Still, though, he couldn't shake off the anxiety that was gnawing at the back of his mind as the afternoon bled into the evening and still he had no word from you - something very unlike you.

After getting the news, he's rushing to the hospital to be with you the second he can, postponing any other plans he had.

Whether it was your family, a guardian, a doctor, a friend - whoever it was that gave him the call, the first thing he asks them when he gets there is if you're okay. What happened and what's going to happen next take a back seat until he knows for certain that you're okay and in one piece.

He won't show it, but his heart silently shatters when he realizes that you don't remember him. While he knows that your memory loss was from head trauma caused by the accident, it doesn’t make it any less painful to hear you ask who he was, and if you knew him. He understands if you're uncomfortable with him being there given that he's pretty much a complete stranger to you at the time, but it doesn’t lessen the knife-like pain to the heart when you look at him, your eyes a swirling with a mix of confusion, anxiety, and uncertainty.

Fortunately, someone else is there to help explain who he was to you, though he's more than understanding if it takes some time for you to process this information. If you were to let him, he'd show you, on your own phone, photos of the two of you together to see if it jogged your memory some.

A form of temporary retrograde amnesia is what the doctor refers to it as; the severity and length of an episode dependent on what the cause was. Most cases were mild and typically resolved themselves within a couple of weeks, and the news that it was temporary was a relief - Akira smiling softly at how your eyes lit up when the doctor confirmed once again for you that you'd regain your memories in the near future.

Of course, this doesn't make it any easier, or any less worrying, at least initially. Akira swears to you he will be by your side as much as he can be, and help you as much as you need and want him to.

First thing's first: making sure you're comfortable, and comfortable with him. He'll stay with you for as long as he's able to, as long as your comfort permits; his voice quiet and gentle as he talks to you. He doesn't try to force anything; instead of asking if you remember him, if you remember this, if you remember that, he instead let's you ask him things, and he explains as simply but as best as he can, showing you photos to corroborate his answers if possible.

Akira does all of the research that he can. He'll talk to Dr. Takemi, check out any books he can get his hands on from the library, spend hours reading articles on his phone, the burn in his eyes from the bright screen in the otherwise dark attic going unnoticed by him as he tries to take in as much information as he can - he's absolutely determined to learn all he can so he can help you as much as possible.

He is so gentle, and so patient when helping you, especially outside of the hospital once you're released. Only with your permission does he share small details about how you are with the others, opting to invite Haru, Makoto, and Ann around before anyone else once you're comfortable with it, as they're much more quiet and calm than the rest of the Thieves. It's one by one though, at least at first, since he doesn't want to overwhelm you.

"This is Ann. She's your friend, and she's come with me to visit you. Is that alright?"

Honestly, he asks Morgana for advice, given how Morgana himself was amnesiac for some time. Even though it's..... not nearly the same given the circumstances surrounding your respective losses of memory, he wants to know if anything helped Morgana remember things about his past - no matter how small - so he can try them with you.

If you're a Thief, there is no way he's letting you back into the Metaverse until you’re completely recovered, no if, ands, or buts about it - he's just not willing to risk you not being ready yet and getting hurt. Of course eventually you'll be able to rejoin the actual infiltrations once you’re recovered, and you'll be included in meetings as your memories slowly come back beforehand, but just nothing that puts you in direct harms way yet. 

His face lights up any time he gets a text from you as you happily proclaim that you remembered something, especially if it was something that involved him. 

Your first date, your first kiss, that one time you two watched a customer accidentally dump their coffee all over themselves at LeBlanc when you were studying - anything, no matter how small or long ago it was, brightens Akira's day to hear that you've remembered.

Akira is smart, perceptive, and very keen when it comes to the world. He's more than aware that not everyone is kind and sincere with their intentions with others, and as a result he keeps an eye out for anyone who tries to take advantage of your state. If he knows that someone harmed you in the past and sees them trying to use your amnesia to get you to let them back on your good side (meaning, they just so happen to forget to mention anything regarding the incident between the two of you while talking you up as if they were one of your closest friends), he's not above using his (unwarranted) status as a delinquent to subtly intimidate them enough that they leave you alone. Whether or not he explains what was up and reminds you of what happened depends entirely on how your recovery is going; he doesn’t want to overwhelm you with the information if it's too soon, but he doesn’t want to keep something important from you if you've been making miles of progress.

Of course, you've retained basic skills such as reading and writing, but you're medically exempt from school for the duration of your recovery. While your health comes first for him, Akira lets you know that if you want to do a little bit of studying, even if it’s just some light reading for half an hour, he’d be more than happy to help you. Unsurprisingly is he a good teacher, and he has miles of patience, so if you were to at all get frustrated with something, he’s there to support and encourage you.

All in all, this boy is there for you, through thick and thin. He loves you with every inch of his heart, and he’s willing to do anything to help you as you get better. 

[firespirited]

Visit went really well, L is very nice with solid sense of self and determination. She's a carer on the local hospital alzheimers/dementia ward and has a refreshing positive approach that's neither infantilising nor pitying. I straight up told her how rare and special that is, psych carers who don't see their patients as full people piss me off so someone who actually enjoys their job and likes the patients? Yeah, gonna celebrate that.

She hates paperwork, keeps close ties to home though daily video chat but lockdown was rough until they found a place that had a garden, smaller space but less confining. Her husband's doing great, he's found a niche hooking up local restaurants and businesses with local produce. His psychosis was high level cannabis induced and waned as he detoxed in long mental hospital stay to make sure it wasn't the beginnings of something else. He was going through a depression found weed and got groomed by extremists in his paranoia. He's very lucky to be white, well spoken and have a mother who went to bat for him to not be criminalized but get mental help instead. I can't help but wonder how many second chances he got that my ex neighbours his age and less messed up didn't get for being poor and half north african though nearly passing physically, they never nailed that proper 'respectability' tone and body language.

Elisa, 4, was utterly adorable, whip smart, self assured and very at ease. She spends a lot of time with her grandma our friend J and is thriving. Baby Jack fell asleep a few minutes in, he's huge for 5 months and both kids have the most gorgeous big dark brown eyes. Elisa had insisted on the visit so she could meet the doggies and another Elisa(beth). This was Talia the chihuahua's first encounter with a child on home turf in close quarters and it went well until things got a little loud and Talia snapped just the once at Lily the dog as a way of releasing stress so I lifted Talia out of the little girl's way so she could refocus and come back if she wanted to engage. Within 10 seconds the wild fearful look was gone and she gradually returned to look at Elisa and let herself be petted but keeping an eye on an exit. Lily is the most chill dog I've ever had so she just lay next to the little girl and had a fisher price phone put to her ear and her back lump palpated just completely unbothered.

With L we were able to talk about culture shock and switching languages (mostly because i was thinking in English again and having to mentally translate which is the stupid way instead of brain switching to full french), island culture... though her island is considerably larger and more complex than the UK obviously. Then her and sis bonded over being little sisters and the joys of annoying big sisters. She's considerably younger so we're not really the right peers, I do hope she meets some nicer folks her age, maybe at kiddos preschool.

It's hard to tell if it was a pity visit or curiosity or if she made a new point of contact in town. Kiddo had a great time and our full attention. It's hard to tell when you're disabled until people follow up.

Talia passed the "multiple people including an inquisitive child" test without having a freak out so that's an excellent sign, it's odd seeing her wrestle with her very strong protective and fearful instincts. I've had dogs fight their prey drive, Lily is food obsessed to the point she'll forget everything else which is why I still have to test her on food theft regularly but Talia's natural state is like fight or flight and you can see her little brain whirring about all she's missing out on by being fearful.

We decided to unmask since we were all vaxxed and the windows were open and I'm really glad to have been able to lip read as L's french was dialectical (dialectic?) Keeping an eye on dogs and listening to lil Elisa chat away made it very hard to tune in properly to her mum. It helps the plague anxiety that her work took PPE and distancing very seriously from the start. I felt less uncomfortable than I have with most neighbours who have a "qué séra, séra" approach to illness (except for the three months after Granny M got covid and realised it was as nasty as her former husbands emphysema... then forgot) . I don't want to live in fear but I can't shake the memories of putting sis on the cpap 24/7 for a week and the first time I looked at myself and was yellow. Oh I had fructose sugar and real sugar today, we made low sugar gluten free chocolate cake - we'll see how well that went tomorrow.

[trashytummiez]

Idia ate way too much and has a tummyache that Yuu needs to settle by coaxing out some really big burps from the shy boi which Yuu swoons over.

"Unnnngh Yuuuuu..." Idia whined from atop his bed. He was laying down on his side with his arms wrapped protectively around his tummy with tears welling up from his eyes. "Why does my tummy feel like it's gonna explode...??"

Yuu smiled sympathetically and crawled in bed behind the whimpering boy. It was a wonder his fiery blue hair didn't burn her chest or the bed. Instead it felt like a comforting warmth like a space heater not real flames. Her hands wrapped around Idia's waist and rested squarely against his tummy. Even behind his oversized blue hoodie it felt so big and bloated which caused her cheeks to darken. "Feels like you stress-ate too much again. Any projects coming up?"

"...P-Presentation...a-and Ortho isn't gonna be available..." Idia whimpered and trembled a little both from having Yuu's hands planted against his immensely bloated tummy and the reminder that he was gonna be flying solo and have to speak in front of the whole class.

"No wonder," Yuu replied. "Poor guy..."

"...J-Just the thought of all those eyes staring up at me and judging me...th-thinking I'm some weirdo loser who d-doesn't belong there..." Idia's body tensed up and more tears welled from the corners of his eyes from anxiety-induced fears.

"Shhhh it's okay babe. It's okay," Yuu assured her cripplingly anxious boyfriend. She pulled him a little closer and rubbed circles into the middle of Idia's stretched out tummy to help him calm down.

She wrapped her fingers around the bottom of Idia's hoodie and pulled it up high exposing the whole of his bloated pale tummy in all its smooth bare expanse. Yuu's hands grabbed at Idia's stretched out stomach where she began to firmly tenderly rub it using both hands. Idia whimpered but clutched at his sheets a little with a soft huff not yet used to physical contact but growing to really like it especially whenever Yuu rubbed his belly. His tummy rub was starting to have the desired relaxing impact Yuu wanted it to have on him.

"Tell you what Idia. If Ortho can't be there for support how about I see if your professor will let me stick around for your presentation? Ace and I aren't in class that time anyway. We usually just hang out until our next period so I could skip out a little to be there and give you that boost you need."

Idia's eyes widened in surprise. "Y-You'd d-do that for me...?"

Yuu giggled and teasingly slapped Idia's belly which made the boy hiccup loudly and blush.

"Of course I would silly. Why wouldn't I be there to support someone I care so much about?"

Idia's lips trembled. He wasn't used to anyone showing so much genuine care and kindness towards him besides Ortho. To know that someone cared so much about him was almost enough to make Idia cry.

"...Th-Thank you..." Idia muttered softly and thankfully.

Yuu smiled and continued lovingly rubbing all over Idia's rounded tummy.

He loved the feeling but he knew he had to find some way to show Yuu how grateful he was to her. Some token or act of kindness he could repay her for so it didn't just feel like she was the one who always had to be there for him. But his thoughts were interrupted when his tummy uttered a large and unpleasant gurgle.

"...Unnngh...ohhh my tummy..." Idia muttered embarrassed that his stomach was still griefing him.

Yuu didn't mind. Any excuse to keep her hands all over his belly was all she needed.

Her delicate fingers stroked the sides of his glutted tummy gently running up to the peak of his stomach and down to his undersides where she would grip the bottom of Idia's bulging belly and give it a gentle jiggle. The way everything in his expanded stomach sloshed around made her swoon and got her to squeeze at Idia's underbelly. Idia blushed immensely when an audible moan exited his mouth almost involuntarily. He really wasn't used to expressing delight like that but he couldn't help it~nothing felt better to him than Yuu showing his overstuffed tummy some love.

Yuu gripped Idia's lower tummy which made him bite his lower lip with his fangs. "Your belly is so big," Yuu fawned adoringly whilst holding Idia's belly in her hands. "You really pack it away when you're nervous huh..." Yuu took note and gave Idia's soft rounded stomach a few teasing pats. Idia's round exposed belly jiggled from all of Yuu's pats and something inside bubbled heavily and noisily.

Idia hiccuped suddenly and covered his mouth with a blush. He hiccuped again but stifled it the second time because the hiccup morphed into a deep rumbling burp Idia muffled in his closed mouth. His cheeks went dark with embarrassment from the sound while Yuu's went dark for a different reason.

"...Lotta pressure in there huh," Yuu noted in a quiet but excited tone of voice. She held Idia's belly in her hands and felt it emit a gassy churn that made her shudder and made Idia cringe.

Yuu firmly rubbed Idia's bulging belly to circulate the gas brewing inside of him. It worked in that she felt his tummy gurgling more heavily. Idia whimpered before another closed-mouth burp rumbled loudly in his mildly puffed cheeks.

"Don't hold back babe," Yuu insisted in a tone that made her desires plain as day. Especially when she lightly slapped Idia's belly to make it jiggle and slosh.

Idia whimpered when he felt more gas rushing up his throat. He wasn't used to letting loose freely unless he was gaming with his clan mates. But he was aware of his girlfriends fetishes and had to admit that he was increasingly fond of having her hands all over his belly like that. So when the gas reached his mouth he indulged her by letting his jaws part with a loud and brassy burp that rumbled hard enough to make some drool dribble out of Idia's mouth.

BBBRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPP!!!!!

Idia blushed and covered his mouth with a deep blush and an adorably timid "excuse me...!" But Yuu shuddered so intensely that it made Idia's bloated tummy jiggle just slightly from the vibration of her own pleased spasm.

She pushed her thumb into the side of Idia's round tummy squishing into it so hard it sank a bit into his bloated flesh. Idia couldn't suppress the enormous burp that rumbled out of his mouth even if he tried. Which he did hence why his cheeks puffed out momentarily before his lips almost rippled open with the rushing gas.

Idia's cheeks were darker from embarrassment but he couldn't help moan a little.

"...Ohhh wow...that felt good..."

"Atta boy get it all out," Yuu insisted especially eagerly and gave Idia's tummy a couple of resounding pats. The way his belly jiggled with those pats was enough to make Yuu swoon right there but it also jiggled up some festering gas. Idia burped long and loud from the patting and uttered a cute little after burp when it finished.

Idia's moan of relief after was just too much for Yuu.

"Sit up," Yuu instructed with a voice that did little to mask how deeply turned on she was.

Idia heaved himself up with an audible groan. He felt so heavy that it actually took some effort to get up and the way his big stretched tummy swayed really emphasized how bloated he was. He sat on his knees and faced Yuu with his large round tummy spilling out and facing directly before Yuu.

She very eagerly grabs at its sides and kneads his large tummy eagerly but lovingly. Her hands rub it up and down and she leans down to plant a kiss at the high rounded crest of his stomach and another one directly above his cute belly button. Idia whimpered from the affection but actually smiled somewhat all the same.

Yuu began to really knead into his belly like it was a big ball of dough. She felt it churn and groan noisily in her hands and squeezed it while she kneaded. Idia turned his head and raised a fist in front of his mouth as a heavy burp rolled past his lips and left Idia huffing with an exhale relief.

"Ooooof..."

The look of relief on Idia's face and that verbalization drove Yuu crazy. And because Idia's tummy was hurting less with each bellowing eruption he didn't object either.

In fact he slumped back on the bed resting both hands against the mattress and sprawling his legs out to make his bloated tummy stick out even more for Yuu to rub knead and fondle. He huffed at the feeling of her kneading into his belly letting his tongue almost stick out.

She pushed her palms deep into the center of Idia's belly right into his belly button.

Idia threw his head back and burped so loudly and so hard that Yuu swore that his bed actually shook. Though it was probably just her was that shook.

AAAAAAAAAUUUUUURRRRRHHHHOOOOOOOOORRRREEEEEEUUUUURRRRRRHHPPP!!!!!!!!!

Idia slumped back and moaned heavily in deep relief.

"Nnnnngh...wow did my tummy need that..." Idia groaned gently patting his belly with relief. "...I didn't even think I could burp that loudly before..."

His eyes met Yuu's and he could see how visibly aroused he was and giggled a little nervously.

"...Umm...d-d-did you like that...?" He asked in a genuinely adorable sort of way. Idia was incapable of properly teasing someone's kinks with any degree of confidence. But that one just desperately needed to come out.

That his girlfriend enjoyed it so much was just a very happy byproduct.

"...You're amazing," Yuu muttered leaning forward with her hands still on Idia's stuffed tummy and planting her lips onto his blue ones for a deep passionate kiss.

Idia's eyes went wide as tennis balls and his blue hair immediately brightened to a real fire color while his pale cheeks went strawberry red.

When she pulled away Yuu smiled and lightly stroked his tummy as Idia sat there and sputtered in a ridiculously yet adorably flustered way. But when she rubbed she kneaded some more into his tummy pushing into it with her fingers like she was checking to see if Idia had any more pressure to let out.

It wasn't a big one like that last breath-stopper was but Idia still had a pretty sizable pressure pocket roll up from his tummy and up his throat.

But this time the nervous boy in a spur of the moment decision leaned in close and burped right in Yuu's face.

UUUUUUUURRRREEEEEUUUUUUURRRRHP!!!!!

Yuu sat there looking absolutely stunned.

Idia shifted nervously and scratched the back of his head. "...T-Too much...?"

Apparently so because poor Idia suddenly yelped when Yuu yanked him close by the collar of his hoodie and passionately made out with the anxious boy right there.

This was such an odd relationship sometimes. Idia knew all about fetishes and what not but never realized he could indulge things like that for anyone else. And he wasn't sure whether that information should embolden him or scare the living daylights out of him.

But whichever one Idia fell under it was honestly worth it to make his girlfriend happy in any way he could.

If that meant being occasional kink fuel for his significant other then Idia was okay with that. Anything to be a good boyfriend to such a wonderful girlfriend.