#money' made me more respected in my house and I started getting more independence (that I probably shouldn't have been given either)

[envolvenuances]

and I think child modelling should be illegal I'm not even joking

[omegaremix]

Full Moon Music.

We’ve always featured darkness since our very first broadcast on Omega WUSB. By our fourth show, we came close in completing our first full-fledged darkness set in a more dis-organized era when we were still trying to figure ourselves out. Back then, ‘darkness’ meant any amount of well-known industrial, metal, and electronic acts with an evil, deviant, or negative tinge to it. Think Throbbing Gristle, Clock DVA, Whitehouse, Godflesh, NON, and etcetera. We finally achieved full force during a bonus summer broadcast (#21) and since then things evolved in how we did those shows. We’ve made a point in doing at least one but no more than two of these dark broadcasts per year, usually in the winter as it’s the best weather, and that’s not including the Halloween broadcasts we’ve done. That’s a whole other class in itself.

It wasn’t until November 2017 when I attended Hospital Productions’ 20th anniversary, a night I’ll never forget. It was the culmination of nine months of benefits and stay-at-home recovery from three life-saving shoulder surgeries. It felt so good being in my element in Brooklyn (Greenpoint) with all the industrialists, goth girls, and noise aficionados dressed in black. Ten hours of paying personal tributes to Dominick Fernow and his label made me realize there was more to look forward to. It’s something never experienced on Long Island, and don’t even get me started with what that “culture” consists of.

That event left a lasting impression on me. If the label had its’ magic on me with Cocaine Death, then I was totally mystified with its’ own showcase. Even everything surrounding it - the train rides, playlists, playbacks, the weather - felt significant to me. And then some. The following month, Omega WUSB opened up the winter broadcasting season / year with more Hospital Productions and Sacred Bones music to air. Both of those labels had their 20th and 10th label anniversaries respectively and we loved what they’ve released. Philip Best’s Alien Existence and a shipment of RRRecords’ cassettes and vinyl arrived at the residence; both which made me feel proud of myself. By Year Six, Omega WUSB was more focused in playing darkwave, synthwave, soundscapes, and even witch house. As the colder months progressed, I discovered a Brooklyn goth girl who followed me and liked my posts on the regular. She was that rare person I really identified with and gave me a serious run for my money like no other.

Through all the euphoric ups, heartbreaking downs, and greyscale steadies, the show must go on. The events of Hospital Productions and identification still surround me. They are a reminder of who I am, where I’m from, what I look forward to, and who I associate with. The darkness broadcasts still go strong and we look forward in doing them like you wouldn’t believe. By now, Omega WUSB has been more organized. Of all the different genres we play, we make it a point to do these dedicated darkness sets when the weather’s suitable and as long as the music’s current. Aside from that, we still run dedicated bonus (and even our one-and-only deluxe Leap Day) noise shows and we aim to make all of our other goth rock, black metal, classic industrial, minimal, and other midnight finds when and where applicable. All of our listeners know that organizing at least 15 different genres and making them all fit is a challenge.

This past winter, we aired one broadcast of dark electronics from Avon Terror Corps and the L.I.E.S. label, doom metal, no-tech, and some textural noise. Somehow we fell into the rabbit hole of darkwave, synthwave, minimal, and EBM and we’ve had enough for a great three-hour idea. With WUSB’s ethos of independent radio and our ethos of everything new, current, and relevant, we had a case to go off-the-board.

Here’s what I / we’ve been feeling and experiencing for the past four winters. This soundtrack supplements the pristine spectre of full moons and constellations in the clear frigid black skies, plus all the positive events that still stays with me make for a distinct spell I can call my own. No Wax Trax, no Bauhaus, The Cure, The Cramps, Siouxsie Sioux, or Depeche Mode. No doubt they’re all legends, but not every tracklist or mix has to be that way. Everything found here is current and on a different level. If at any time I need to get myself up, I’ll reach back to this and know I’ll come back to something I can call what’s mine.

Drift.: “Social Front”

Body Of Light: “Let Me Go”

Beta Evers: “Move In My Body Rhythm”

Makina Girgir: “Livides Clartes”

Kontravoid: “10,000 Voices”

La Scaltra: “Rhythm Of Our Dead Hearts”

Vore Aurora: “In Out And Thru”

Void Vision: “Body Says”

Aurat: "Shaitan” 

Violet Tremors: “It’s So Good”

Popsimonova: “No Contact”

U.Z.O. / Uho Za Oko: “Medsvetovje”

Colouroid: “Eye Shadow”

Boy Harsher: “Tears”

Crazy P: “The Witness”

Molchat Doma: “Sudno (Boris Ryzhy)”

Hante.: “One More Dance”

Jennifer Touch: “Chemistry”

Minuit Machine: “Don’t Run From The Fire”

Figure Study: “Interaction”

Drift: “Calculations”

Las Eras: “La Esclava”

Gold Zebra: “Invisible Disorder”

Brusque Twins: “What Else Is There To Say?”

Schonwald: “Rays”

Dolina: “Sorrow”

Technoir: “Dying Star (Mesh)”

Sally Dige: “Forget Me”

Drab Majesty: “Cold Souls”

Opale: “Sparkles And Wine”

Boy Harsher: “R.O.V. (New Beat)”

Minimal Kommando / Andreas Ohler: “Minimal Waver”

Linea Aspira: “Hinterland”

Rue Oberkampf: “Tokyo”

Marie Davidson: “Balade Aux USA”

Xeno & Oaklander “Sentinelle”

Aurat: “Pari”

Flesh Of Morning: “Death Becomes Bitter”

White Hex: “Paradise”

Kindest Cuts: “Cold Eyes”

Phosphor: “Another Time”

Girl Pusher: “Where The Fuck Is My Ambulance?”

Debby Friday: “Treason” (f. Lana Del Rabies)

Lana Del Rabies: ”Darcy” (Lav Andula RMX)

NGHTCRWLR: “Firestarter”

Zonal: “System Error” (f. Moor Mother) Wrecked

JK Flesh: “In Your Pit”

Ciarra Black: Stasis

Filmmaker: “The Love Market”

Provoker: “Theme”

Parole E Azioni: “Karaoke Night track #1″

Aurat: “Ilzam”

Essaie Pas: “Danse Sociale”

Drift: “Say It Right”

Deep Red:“Pray For Death”

Ciarra Black: “Dupont Street”

Cabaret Nocturne: “Moon Invaders”

Boy Harsher: “Tears” (Silent Servant RMX)

Kanga: “Going Red”

Promiseland: “Take Down The House”

Lead Into Gold: “Hard Won Decay”

Rosa Damask: Heroes

Zanias: “Follow The Body”

Azar Swan: “Jungle Law”

Canal Street Electronics: “By The River”

Salford Electronics: “Deconstruction”

JK Flesh: “Trinity”

Ron Morelli: “Disappearer”

KVB, The: “In Deep”

White Ring: “Shaken To Sleep”

Pink Turns Blue: “I Coldly Stare Out”

Cabaret Nocturne: “Blind Trust”

Figure Study: “Wait”

Boy Harsher: “L.A.”

Soma Sema: “Artificial Heart”

Natural Assembly: “She Walks In Beauty”

Void Vision: “The Source”

KVB, The: “Afterglow”

John Carpenter: “Vortex” (Uniform RMX)

Emptyset: “Dissolve”

Consumer Electronics: “Co-Opted”

Alan Vega: “Prophecy”

Ninos Du Brasil: “Em Que O Rio Do Mar Se Torna”

Vatican Shadow: “Weapons Inspection”

Molly Nilsson: “A Slice Of Lemon”

Lebanon Hanover: “Babes Of The 80′s” (Tobias Bernstrup RMX)

Urochromes: “Night Bully” (Boy Harsher RMX)

Body Of Light: “Holding You”

Broken English Club: “Channel 83″

White Ring: “Leprosy”

Flesh & Peaki: “Veiled”

Ghxst: “Ride”

Strahinja Arbutina: “You Don’t Need This In Your Life”

Mirrors For Psychic Warfare: “Tomb Puncher”

Ron Morelli: “Golden Oldies”

Azar Swan: “Silent Like A Father”

Boy Harsher: “Face The Fire”

Clay Rendering: “The Pest”

Ron Morelli: “Radar Version”

Vatican Shadow: “Take Vows”

Silent Servant: “The Silent Attractor”

Ninos Du Brasil: “Vagalumes Pirilampos”

Lust For Youth: “Display”

Gary War: “Don’t Go Out Tonight”

Appetite: “Bordeaux Gallow”

Believer/Law: “Foxhole Prayers”

Ciarra Black: “Series Of…”

Silent Servant: “Dissociation”

Vatican Shadow: “Interrogation Mosaic”

Boy Harsher: “Pain”

Contrepoison: “Heartbeat”

Led Er Est: “Scissors”

Molly Nilsson: “I Hope You Die”

KVB, The: “Always Then”

Princess Century: “Crummy Bones”

Natural Assembly “Life Blossoms”

Adult.: “Dance Avoid”

Grun Wasser: “The Deep”

Believer/Law: “Ashes”

Military Position: “Babes Ov Babylon”

Drvg Cvltvre: “Waging A War Against God”

Actress: “Dancing In The Smoke”

Peaches: “Convincing People”

Grimes: “Genesis” (Blvck Ceiling RMX)

Algiers: “Death March” (Prurient RMX)

Rrose: “Surgeon General (Her Insides Laid Bare)”

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT:

I’m gonna say this cause I’ve been seeing a lot of Minthe edits and finally understanding more and more of her perspective. Persephone is a homewrecker, absolute homewrecker and if this was anyone else the fans would’ve thrown a tantrum because why is it Persephone can get away with knowingly accepting affection, gifts, money, clothes, and even a phone from Hades but Minthe is shamed for also receiving things such as that.

It’s just so annoying and incredibly incompetent to me how they literally do the same things all the damn time yet everyone loves Persephone. Me personally, I hate her with all of my heart I truly believe that she’s very malicious and self serving at the end of the day. She reminds me of those villains targeting old lonely vulnerable rich men all for their money while trying to mask their behavior behind a sweet innocent character…. Oh wait. She’s literally doing just that, like always she’s doing shit like that. She literally took money out of Hades’ account for an apartment without even asking, yes you can argue that they discussed about Persephone moving out but that doesn’t just give someone the okay to take their money and run with it to buy stuff you want. She’s always being a huge extreme brat and it really makes me feel like Demeter is a victim of her damn behavior (I’ve always thought this but it just gives me more reason for it now) because how the hell are you going to get upset at your mother for coddling you when you accept and even welcome being babied by everyone around you. This whole independency thing falls through the floor when you realize that Persephone doesn’t want any independence, all she wants is to be able to get away with things she does and obviously Demeter was more strict with her (unlike Hades) so she couldn’t necessarily do anything without being watched.

I genuinely feel for Minthe, not her actions but her mental state had to be breaking apart with every single day and those two assholes just made it worse. Persephone was always aware that Minthe and Hades were together yet she still allowed herself to be seen publicly with him, she allowed him to get physical, and she didn’t mind kissing him right after they broke up. She was obviously waiting for them to break up to do more bold moves just to spite Minthe and she didn’t even care about how she would feel. I get that you’re jealous that Hades is giving his money away to someone who wasn’t you but that doesn’t mean that you could basically start seeing him and playing fucking house right in the office that she works in. That’s trifling as fuck and I’d be pissed too because not only are you embarrassing me in front of Persephone by showing her that I’m not worth any dignity or respect but you’re embarrassing me in my own workplace as well, you just know that the assistants and other staff members were spreading it around like wild fire and that had to be so stressful to deal with.

Speaking of that actually, fuck Persephone for that because she keeps whining and crying about how rumors made everyone at her college not want to speak with her yet she’s completely fine with doing things that actively ruin Minthe’s reputation and make her a spectacle for everyone to see. That’s one of the main reasons why I don’t feel any sympathy for her and I don’t see why so many people are so keen on protecting her, she’s really not shit and she’s genuinely a terrible person and we all know that if she were a real person no one would like her at all. At least Minthe had a reason for asking Hades for money, she literally only had him to rely on since he insisted on paying for everything and giving her a job, there was an obvious dependency on Hades that he started his damn self (which I have no idea why he thought trapping Minthe into this relationship she never even wanted in the first place would ensure not only a good relationship but a good marriage as well, like you made her lose her job which was the only thing keeping her from getting evicted and he knew it, his job was the only thing keeping her afloat and knowing Hades I just know he paid for the rent by himself cause that’s just how he is, he did the same with Persephone when they went shopping he insisted on buying things for her and spending money, it’s not insane to think that he did the same thing with Minthe’s apartment and her bills) what’s Persephone’s excuse of sticking around Hades and receiving money and gifts from him? She’s incredibly privileged and the heiress to a whole company if she wanted to actually be independent and get a job of her own she could’ve. She’s not like Minthe, she has lots of powerful connections whereas Minthe only had Hades, so she just enjoys being spoiled and she chooses to use only Hades’ money for the things she wants.

Last thing, but I find it incredibly telling that Hades was never truly there for Minthe emotionally. He only wanted to be there when he wanted something from her, never not once did he stand up for her or show her off half as much as he does with Persephone. He’s loud and open about his relationship with her while we barely even see praise coming from Hades and Minthe, it was almost as if he was embarrassed to be with her similar to what the comic wanted us to think with Minthe’s introduction. He listened to Hera bag on his girlfriend even before Persephone was in the picture for probably centuries and never did he ever say anything about it. He’s fucking friends with her! He’s friends and completely fine with everyone who has ever said something bad about Minthe and he doesn’t even care about all the things they said about her. And you expect me to be on their side? After everything you’ve shown us, I’m supposed to be happy that HxP are the only people getting happy endings and no one else that they screwed over to get there? Absolutely the fuck not.

That’s the end of this rant, I’m tired and incredibly irritated with the main couple they make me want to eat my own scalp. It’s so annoying how everyone lets them get away with anything yet Minthe and her fans are just evil for even having a shred of sympathy for her, like y’all stan a murderer and a slave owner. There’s no right choices.

[djeterg19]

Honestly. The thing with Day’s mom and brother makes me so angry.

At least what I get from that convo about the delegation of authority. Is that if they had that power. They could put him in a home or something. And there’s nothing he could do to stop it. But because he still has autonomy. They can’t make as many decisions for him.

I’m not sure if that’s what’s going on. But given how they lied about what happened to him to friends. And make him feel ashamed and incapable of doing anything on his own. They do nothing to make the house some where he can comfortably live.

They won’t change their lives to help better suit this family member. It makes me so angry.

He doesn’t seem to have a cane. Or like. Anything to help him at all. They give him no way to succeed. Then are surprised when he has trouble.

I hope by the end they at least start to realize that he’s not a completely different person. He’s not an inanimate object. He’s a person who deserves to be treated with respect and given the tools for success.

Sorry. Many people in my family have dealt with blindness or vision loss. And it’s something that really bothers me when I see people treat their family like this.

No that's it exactly! Because why else did Night say they wouldn't need to hire a caretaker if they had the power of attorney? That has been bugging me ALL DAY. Because right now Day DOES need a caretaker. Not because of his sight but because they have done ABSOLUTELY nothing to help him acclimatize to this new reality. It's been over a year. They have the society that Aon came from and that they visited last episode which should be able to help Day adjust and become independent. But instead in over a year they have done nothing to help him. And if he doesn't have a caretaker and can't take care of himself...signing the papers giving them power of him wouldn't fix either issue? So yes it does feel like if he signs something bad that he wouldn't want would happen.

And you are so right that they haven't made the house more suitable for him to live in either. Yes, it would all take time and money but again...this didn't just happen. It's been over a year now. And they don't seem to want to make any adjustments or make any effort to help him. And it's hard but they have money and time and I assume the best doctors or experts in the country. I have been in a situation where my family had to find alternative housing that was wheelchair accessible suddenly. And that would have been so much easier if we had money like Day's family.

And a cane should be one of the first things Day got? Even Mork managed to have one by the end of the episode when he was trying to get a taste of Day's perspective. I'm just so frustrated with them.

And I think you are right because they don't really treat him as a person? They talk about him but not to him. Last week I called it infantilizing him but it's worse than that like he's not a real person.

I'm so glad that Mork has come into his life because now he does have someone that does want to help and sees him as a real person even if he doesn't always say or do the right thing. At least he's trying and treating Day like a real person.

Thank you for the message!

[necroangelz]

💉🪽 for ask game :33!!

sorry fur responding to this late!! I'm sorry as well fur anyone who sent 🪽 in my inbox, i haven't had the energy to infodump so I've just put them on hold 😞😞 but I'll get to them slowly!

『 💉 』

a kin memory

sharing a small memory from one of my highest IDs, ocean queen Lizzie from empires SMP season 1! i remember standing on the shores of a sandy beach, feeling the waves wash over my legs, im pretty sure i had already transformed into the axolotl queen by then. it was a bright sunny day and it was peaceful. there were seagulls or something. i was mainly focused on the water, how they looked under the sun, their clearness and tranquility, and how they moved with the waves. back when i used to meditate, id focus on this memory because it brought me a lot of peace and happiness ^_^

『 🪽 』

infodump about an oc

now I will be infodumping about a recent oc i made for a roleplay with my partner and friend! her name is Clarion Aria Usher, or just Aria

picrew linkie. here's a link to her playlist as well

and YES, i do roleplay, so what!? i love writing, and i love collaborating with my loved ones to create a story together. and for the record, i write about 2-4 or more paragraphs per response, depending on the scene and my mood. so i do some serious writing when i roleplay and it's not just some simple one liners with asterisks.

so the roleplay is basically this zombie apocalypse story, where the zombies are similar to the cordyceps zombies from the last of us (that was my idea hehe) and we're still in the early stages of the apocalypse. like, not everything has been destroyed and abandoned yet, and the government is still a thing and they're still trying to maintain control, but they won't be able to keep up a facade of control any longer.

I'm also going to quickly mention Aria's inspirations: her family was heavily based on the ushers from the fall of the house of usher (2023). aria herself was only partly inspired by Fallon Carrington from Dynasty (2017). the media that inspired he will be veeeryy obvious when i talk about her LMAO

okay! so. Aria's family, the ushers, is this super rich and super influential family. as in like, they practically control most of the globe. the Usher dynasty is very big (like, imagine the usher kids from tfothou didnt die and a lot of them had kids or something) and each family focuses on their own industry. media and entertainment, power and energy, medicine, technology, etc. Aria's family focuses on energy (like the Carringtons). so you could immediately understand that Aria's life was privileged and glamorous. she practically had endless money to throw around, her family's name assured she had protection and respect wherever she went, everything was handed to her on a diamond encrusted platter, etc etc.

aria was still encouraged to work for what she wanted, and she did attempt to start her own company rather than work at her father's. but she still struggled with trying to become independent because she's so used to relying on people

because like Aria's a little bitch yk. during the roleplay i plan for her to heavily rely on the other characters and expect her teammates to serve her and always help her, despite not contributing anything herself. i want her to treat her teammates condescendingly, like shit. she wants everything to go her way, because for all her life that's how everything went, but now things aren't like that anymore because her aunt (aunt Victorine... wHWUAJUDHAH /ref) let a virus she was experimenting with break out from her laboratory and infect an entire city.

(okay well, it's a bit deeper than that. certain conditions in the environment allowed the virus to inhabit human bodies and spread so quickly, and these conditions were caused by the actions of the ushers. certain issues in society made it harder for regular people to live well during the virus lockdown, and these societal issues were once again caused by the ushers. so yeah they had a hand in a lot of things, directly or indirectly).

and that infected city is the city aria is currently trapped in. and for lore reasons she has to actually fight to get out of this city because her family dumped her there and left her behind.

so yeah! that's her current situation. i plan that her character arc will involve finally realizing her family's evil, exploitation, and damage, and turning her back on them so she can change for the better :3

oh yeah and Aria's nonhuman cause i thought that'd be cool. her mom is sort of an avian (hey idk what her species would be called) and her name Clarion was inspired by her mother, but she hates her mother so she doesn't use that name. she hates that she looks a lot like her mother. oh yeah and also aria can't fly because she got her wings clipped when she was 18. I'll write something about that someday. it's supposed to be a painful event

anyway I'm going to show some snippets of my writing for aria as a bonus for anyone who's read this far :3

i don't have much to show for her because we're literally still in the first scene LMAO but I'm excited to see how this goes!

[calistayed]

          Hello  and  welcome  to  my independent, selective,  private  roleplay  account  for  an original character, Mason  Mayfield. This  blog  is  rather  low  active  and  will  contain  major  dark  themes.  Please  approach  with  caution.  I  also  ask  that  you  read  my  rules  and small about under the cut  before  following.

          Exclusive: zoomingupthathill ,           Affiliated: zoomingupthathill ,

                            Rules to follow! I'll keep it simple: Mun: My name's AJ! I love characters, love talking about them all the time. I love to read and write. I mostly read horror, and recently found it's actually a favorite genre of mine. I'm a nerd, a dork, hella shy, and would love to be your friend!

Please be kind and respectful! If there are any issues with me, please come to me in an appropriate manner. I don't bite, I promise. We all know we can't read each other's minds!

NS.FW. It might be present. He is of age in his main verse, but I'm deciding if even if I want to just make a sideblog for more of that stuff. Either way, I will only write it with those I feel comfortable with for it isn't something I write normally.

Shipping. I love to ship. I'm opened to it as long as we both are good with it, and talk about our muses to see if they click.

Controversial characters. Totally down to write with any type of character. I won't limit myself. If this bothers you, please do not follow.

Triggers. I'll tag what I can/remember. I will NOT write with drunk muses. This doesn't need to be tagged for your threads, I just don't want to deal with it one-on-one.

OCs/Fandoms. Totally chill with OCs, just have some type of an about page. I can try and fit my muses into anything, and will follow blogs I can see working (even if I don't know the fandom).

Be patient! I have a full time job and a few other blogs I hop on. I usually go with the flow, see what muse I have. Plus please be aware that I struggle with depression. Some Days are good and others not so much.

OOC. I love to chat ooc. Through IMs or discord. Whatever works for you. Although, discord is only open to mutuals.

Icons. As of right now I don't have any icons. Even when I do make some I'm totally fine if we don't even use them at all. It's not a make or break thing for me.

Exclusive. I have one exclusive Max which me and the mun talked here and there about these two. I may add more to exclusive depending on plotting and such other things.

MUTUALS ONLY!!!!

                              Small about (cuz I am hella lazy):         any questions about anything please feel free to message.

Name: Mason Mayfield Nicknames: Masey, Mase, Ace Age: 19-20 (s4), 17-18 (s3) Gender: Male Traits: Kind, responsible, loyal, impatient, stubborn.

Mason is the older sibling to Max, and can be argued as the younger or older brother to Billy. Before Billy, Mason and Max were a fair close bonded siblings with the perfect amount of annoyance to each other. However, he grew up fast. Still rather young, he became the man of the house once their father was out of the picture.

Then, as their mother got involved with Neil, things started to shift between the family dynamic. Mason noticed the change the older man brought into the home, and noticed the way he was around Billy as he grew older. Mason spoke with their mother several times, saying how he felt uncomfortable, saying how it wasn't good for any of them to be around Neil.

Once the Fall of 1984 came around, Mason decided he wasn't going to move with his family. He opted to stay with a relative, making up as many excuses as he could for he didn't want to be in the same house as Neil. Mason knew the news didn't sit well with Max, but he made a silent promise he would make enough money to take Max, and maybe even talk to Billy, and get away.

Summer of 1985 came and Mason decided to move to Hawkins with a good amount of money to his name. Happy to see his family again, he only got the cold shoulder from Max. Mason let her be angry, and decided to get a job at the mall to earn even more money. Mason hoped he could talk to Billy at least, but he was also rather distant.

Spring of 1986 came far too quickly. The death of Billy and abandonment of Neil made Mason work long shifts to help support them. Still, it was hard to focus with the strangeness of the town finally hitting him, and the fact of high schoolers getting murdered didn't help.

[necessaryvent]

It's not just a fridge.

Yesterday we collected my 1 year old fridge from my parents' house and brought it home. It's newer than the fridge we bought before we had my eldest (now 11) and it's laid out better. The shelves are wide and you can organise them better. The old fridge was always more cluttered looking and you could go months without being able to see stuff hidden at the back.

But it's not just a big deal for practical reasons.

A year ago I was just separated from my husband and scared about making it on my own. I had been a stay at home parent for a very long time and had no finances behind me, besides what I was entitled to in assets (which would involve long term action) and what the kids needed. I could not afford mortgage payments on my own and I was out of the home I had been so proud of.

I had sold my rings to buy the fridge. It had been a very sad thing to do but at the time my husband had been in a bad mental space and was angry at me (even though he now admits he was just being a selfish dick) and I saw no chance of us reconciling. I needed to gain some independence and this fridge gave me some hope.

Fast forward a year and after a lot of growth, we are back together and happier and stronger than we had been in a very long time. My fridge was sitting at my parents' house, largely unused. It is too nice to be a 'second' fridge and too new to sell (it would not get me anywhere near what it's worth if I tried).

For the above reasons, it made sense to collect it from my very patient parents and put our older fridge outside (under cover) as our 'second' fridge (for drinks or when it's a special occasion and there's a lot of stuff to keep cool).

My husband initially had a strong mental block about it. The fridge reminded me of the rings I sold (yes he takes responsibility but I think he was ashamed and sad to think about it all). It reminded him of our separation. It probably reminded him of old feelings (that came from him being in a toxic mental space). I explained the practical reasons for getting the fridge but I also told him that the fridge took something sad and scary and turned it into something hopeful and happy for me. That the kids and I had felt happy to have our own thing in my parents' house. That it had stored the stuff that nourished us during a hard time. That it held happy memories for all of us.

Yes, we could have sold it if he could have never been ok with it, but it seemed silly (to me).

I showed respect for his feelings and gave him time to think and he accepted it.

Moving the fridge in yesterday was awesome. A fresh start. I got teary. Now my home feels like I provided something. I had felt disempowered for a long time (and it wasn't really about finances). I now own some of our big assets and have a lot of money in savings. It was so important to me to come back on more equal ground.

I am so grateful for where we are at.

I have therapy this week and honestly I'm not sure what I will talk about haha.

[miraculouscontent]

It’s heeeeere! Another summasalt, this time with nearly twice the length of the first one!

(Turns out that not having caffeine doesn’t help me talk any slower.)

Script below:

Anonymous asked:

Thoughts on Rocketear?

Can you Rocketear the newest episode apart with your salt, my beloved Salt Queen?

Penny for your thoughts on Rocketear?

Aw, anon! You can have that for free! I'm a generous goddess.

"Rocketear" begins with Chat Noir and Carapace - just Carapace, really - holding back a pack of what I presume to be the physical manifestation of the writing staff's age, or at least a representation of how behind the times the writing seems.

Just as the dinosaurs break through Shellter. Ladybug shows up with the scientist who revived the dinosaurs in the first place and said scientist uses a whistle to calm the dinosaurs down. There's also a line from Bob Roth about putting the dinosaurs in a theme park to make money and I know what it's referencing but it's so incredibly random that it doesn't really come off as a proper joke.

Carapace was notably sad right after battle, but insisted that he was fine when Ladybug asked. Rena, sporting a... - I would like to say "new design" but it's a recolor in every sense of the word - is hiding behind part of a building and smiles after the heroes before walking off. Ladybug takes Nino's miraculous back but sees that he's still upset and asks him again what's wrong. Nino asks where Alya was and Ladybug claims that she only needed Carapace for the job, which cheers him up but only until Ladybug is already gone.

Mm, I guess Nino and Adrien relate in heroism not being enough for them unless they have their respective love interest to flirt with.

Also, I know this is an obvious set-up, but the show can't tell me that Ladybug just always brought Nino and Alya whenever she needed one of them. Season 3 required her to go to Master Fu to get the miraculouses, and unless she already knew that Nino and Alya would be in the same location - which, okay, the show does basically shove the two of them together whenever Nino is onscreen, fair, if two characters are in a relationship in this show then it's weird for them to NOT be with that person - but it just seems like a gamble, not to mention proof to Shadow Moth that the two are close if Ladybug constantly brings both of them.

Anyway, Ladybug goes into the sewer and asks Rena if she's seen any sign of Shadow Moth or his traps. Rena didn't see anything and they de-transform. Marinette is about to leave when she thinks of something, but Alya assumes it's about her new look, which was apparently not voluntary on her part and the suit automatically adapted to Alya's new role as Rena Furtive, which she has now named it as.

Marinette reminds her that this is supposed to be a secret and that they agreed that the fox has no owner. When Alya is evasive about whether she told Nino that she won't be Rena anymore, Marinette stresses that everyone needs to believe that Alya won't be using a miraculous anymore so that she can remain an undercover spy.

What's the point in changing the look if you're not going to show yourself anyway? I mean, insurance, I guess, but still.

Alya, exasperated, parrots what Marinette has apparently told her before: that she helps Ladybug with Mirage in case Shadow Moth tries to follow her so Rena can follow him instead. Marinette stresses the situation again and Alya tries to get Marinette to agree on her telling Nino that she's Rena Furtive, but Marinette refuses.

At Marinette's house, Alya talks further and explains that she doesn't know if she can lie to Nino since they don't keep any secrets--Alya, babe, you kept Rena Rouge from him and didn't tell him that you knew he was Carapace until Ladybug was forced to give you your miraculouses at the same time. I don't wanna hear it.

Marinette states that it's too late for that and also not technically a lie, but Alya gets upset and says that Nino will never trust her again if he finds out that she kept something from him. Marinette brings up how she had to keep secrets from Alya too, but they're interrupted by Tom appearing and wanting to play games with them. Marinette makes an excuse about homework that she's repeated many times, as Tom comments that the teachers give her too much. After Tom is kicked out - hang on, lemme just... - Marinette uses the moment to show Alya that she's lied to her family a lot and hasn't played games with her father in months. She states that there's no other option as they have to protect their identities, and Alya agrees to talk to Nino.

In Alya's room - I just presume at this point that Nino's house doesn't exist and Chris is an illusion - Alya tells Nino that they need to talk, but stammers and states that it's hard to talk about. Nino thinks that she wants to break up with him, but Alya assures that she loves him. She finally gets to the cover story that Rena herself made up in "Sentibubbler" and Nino understands, sad that she won't be around anymore but agreeing if it's what Ladybug thinks is best.

Is it weird that Nino respects Ladybug's wishes more than Alya does?

Nino hugs her and is confused by why Alya was nervous to tell him, as she can tell him anything and nothing will change their relationship. Alya feels guilty and hugs back, murmuring about how they don't have any secrets; that's not what Nino said, but sure, push this plot to its already predictable conclusion. I mean, I thought it was vaguely sweet that Nino switched to seriousness immediately when Alya said that she wanted to talk, but how am I supposed to be invested in this couple when their dynamic boils down to "STRONG, INDEPENDANT WOMAN who wears the pants in the relationship because her boyfriend is portrayed as a wimpy coward"? Like, the show constantly dragged Nino down to make Alya look "powerful" by comparison, and then when it comes to characters like Marinette, we get a girl who works very well outside of her relationship with her endgame love interest.

It's the fakest form of "girl power," dragging guys down to raise girls up or actually making a strong girl character but having her love interest be a weakness that creates flaws in her that weren't there originally and having that love interest be who she's "destined for."

I'm rambling, sorry.

In class, Marinette assures Alya that she did the right thing and Alya agrees. As they're leaving school, Marinette talks about how their "night walks" start soon, and Alya non-subtly talks about how Rena Furtive will be on the lookout while Ladybug and Chat Noir patrol. She stops, however, as gets excited about some pictures she took of herself as Rena Furtive, which has a lot of details that Marinette hasn't seen. I don't know whether to groan at what I just heard or remind everyone that Rena Furtive is literally just a recolor and therefore this is the writers patting themselves on the back for this design, so let's just move on.

Alya then shows Marinette her phone--AUGH, MY EYES--and suggests making a poll on her Ladyblog so people can vote for their favorite Rena design. Marinette has to stress again that Rena Furtive is supposed to be a spy and thus invisible, which Alya admits that she forgot about.

Okay, I've been holding off on talking about this, but now seems like the best time to bring it up. Alya has been a trash friend as well as a trash confidant, and her role as Rena Rouge boiled down to, "it was convenient for her to be the fox at the time it was needed." She's not particularly stealthy like one would expect of a fox, and she was easily one of the worst candidates to be told Marinette's big secret. I'll get more into this later, but I have to stress that Alya has treated Marinette no differently since learning of Marinette's identity and has already gone against Marinette's orders once before at the time of this episode airing. Episodes are constantly torn between validating their decision to have Marinette tell Alya, having Marinette be worried about the decision while the show considers her to be ridiculous for it, and then having Alya either consider or make choices that clearly don't gel well with what's good for her role. Much like Marinette, she lacks a sense of self-control and--wow, a female character who's impulsive, never seen that stereotype before.

Point being, "Sentibubbler" stressed over and over that Alya was the right choice and deserved to be both the permanent fox and the understudy for guardian, but then we have "Rocketear" here where Alya is making basic emotionally-driven errors that I'm not even remotely sympathetic to when Marinette has gone through so much worse over the course of three+ seasons.

*sigh*

Alya laments that it's hard to find new content for the Ladyblog - ah, yes, tell me more about your struggles, Alya - but figures that at least she can post stuff about Chat Noir instead of--I don't know--making fake Ladybug theories to lead people off Marinette's trail. Marinette says that it's a great idea, though Alya still doesn't look too happy. The scene then rewinds to a little bit to show a different point of view, this time with Adrien and Nino. Wait, this feels familiar, wasn't there another episode that did something like--ohhhh no, this is going to hurt.

After saying good-bye to Adrien - something I wish I could do every time he's mentioned or on-screen - Nino catches the bit of conversation where Alya talks about the Ladyblog. Nino talks as if Marinette isn't there and asks Alya out to the movies because Marinette is chopped liver and this is about Alya and how sad she is, guys.

Wow, she's turning into Adrien faster and faster.

Alya hesitates, but Marinette assures her that there's still time. Alya excitedly runs off with Nino and they watch what I presume are previews given the narrator, featuring recycled footage from the Ladybug PV. Nino is upset because Rena is mentioned but not Carapace, and the preview features Rena telling Chat Noir to forget Ladybug because it's Chat and Rena herself who are trulu made for each other.

I don't know what's funnier; the complete lack of self-awareness or the suggestion that a biracial couple would exist in this show outside of a special that gives them maybe a minute of screentime and acts more like suggestive canon anyway. I think I might've been too generous with that line about dinosaurs.

Nino is offended by the preview and Alya brushes off his comments, stating that it's just a cartoon and it's made to entertain people, though Nino himself is certainly not entertained. Can't say I entirely blame him considering that Alya doesn't really try to say anything substantial or even agree with him. No cuddling or reassuring kisses, she just gets slightly sad and turns to her phone for a bit.

After the movie, Nino is cheered back up again until he catches Alya on her phone once more. He offers to take her home, but she's distracted, and he comments that what she showed to Marinette looked pretty nice; I don't know because they didn't show it. Nino asks what it was and Alya evades the question, stating that her battery is running out. Nino is suspicious, but spots Andre's ice cream cart and the two head over there. Andre calls them his favorite couple and asks what they want, but Alya sees Ladybug gesturing for her and has to run off, giving Nino a cheek kiss as she goes which feels like too little too late at this point.

Nino catches some conveniently-placed kids arguing over who Chat Noir loves, but they settle on the fact that girls in general love Chat Noir. Nino is then seen at the Seine watching the Ladyblog's latest video, where Alya is talking up how amazing Chat Noir is. I hate to stop every five seconds to complain - okay, actually I don't - but I presume this video must've been made after the movie since Nino seems like the type who would actively follow his girlfriend's blog, yet not only is this video perfectly set up to echo the kids and the movie preview, but Alya - despite apparently caring about her boyfriend soooo much that she kept trying to convince Marinette to bend the rules - didn't even try to warn Nino or text him so he doesn't take it too seriously. It's like "Sentibubbler" with the conflicting messages about identity rules; Alya cares about her boyfriend but both isn't thinking about how he'll take the things she says and apparently doesn't know him well enough to realize that he wouldn't be mad over her keeping a secret that she was told to keep. I already talked about how they play up Nino to be the emotionally weaker one of the relationship, but then they don't have Alya try to cover or make up for that. She's been acting very much not like Alya - you know, the one who in "Sapotis" practically bragged about how great she'd be at covering for Ladybug - with her stutters and weak excuses, so I can't completely blame Nino for being upset after everything that's happened when he sees the writers projecting onto Alya as she talks about how Chat Noir is brave and funny and cute and showing all these images of him as well. I don't agree with all of his actions, but--oh yeah, speaking of which--

Nino calls Adrien and is talking to him about how Alya must be in love with someone else. Adrien dismisses the idea, as Alya and Nino are together basically all the time, and asks who she could possibly be in love with. When Nino suggests that it's Chat Noir, Adrien laughs and jokes about it being Fang instead. Nino points out the video but Adrien did see it but is overall unphased and convinced that it means nothing. Nino says that he'll find proof and hangs up, but Adrien is certain he'll find nothing. Plagg comments that Nino will find someone because Plagg's charisma has definitely contaminated Adrien.

Ugh.

Adrien expresses concern that he put on the cat's charm too much and accidentally made Alya fall for him, and decides to visit Alya as Chat Noir to be sure.

Meanwhile, we get a reference to film noirs as Nino narrates. That's the second blatant reference this episode and now I feel like they wrote this script while doing a movie marathon.

Chat Noir arrives at Alya's house and Trixx hides before Alya opens the curtains to reveal her surprise guest. Nino is nearby watching the scene with his phone as Alya wonders aloud if something's wrong. Chat assures that everything's fine, but brings up the video she posted. He insists that it made him happy, but points out that she's been following him and Ladybug since the beginning and that they know each other much better due to everything that's happened. He has some conveniently-worded dialog as he starts to say that he hopes something's just an illusion and Alya gets worried that he's about to bring up Rena. Chat continues and clarifies that he wonders if she started to feel something for him, though adds that he understands because just look at him.

UGGGGH.

Chat clarifies by making a heart with his hands, which Nino sees. Alya laughs at this gesture and states that she has a boyfriend, doing the same heart gesture and suggesting that her love for Nino is even more than that. Chat Noir apologizes - hm, I didn't know he had the capacity to do that - and hugs Alya, saying that he was just confused.

An absolutely unnecessary hug for two people who, at least in terms of their current selves, have had very little screentime together, but this is also the show where making eye contact basically means your friends and it's all just to push the plot along so Nino inteprets that Alya is in love with Chat Noir, so whatever I guess.

Alya states that Nino is far more irresistable than Chat, then adds that she doesn't even know his secret identity, and she'd never fall in love with someone she doesn't know. Nino then runs away upset and the scene cuts away to the next day where--

Wait, wait, wait, hang on a second. Two things right off the bat there.

First off, we're just gonna sidle past that "wouldn't fall in love with someone you don't know the identity of" while ignoring the existence of the love square? Not even Chat thinking about how he doesn't know Ladybug's identity and trying to excuse that he doesn't have to? This guy is that certain of their relationship?

Secondly, Nino is practically sobbing and Shadow Moth doesn't take this as his opportunity? Same guy who akumatized Mr. Pigeon 72 times and has akumatized Gigantitan more than once? What is this pacing???

But--alright, so Adrien comes into school and sees Nino, still dressed up in his detective gear, which gets ignored completely as Adrien goes to tell him about Chat Noir and Alya. Because the show doesn't know how Adrien would convey this within reason, Nino interrupts him, taking him down into the lower part of the school where he has a desk and chairs set up. Adrien goes to ask when Nino had time to do this, but Nino slams his hand on the desk to cut him off. Nino presents the evidence he took and they go back and forth, likewise with Adrien turning off the background music while Nino turns it back on. Adrien insists that it's a misunderstanding, but pleads innocent when Nino asks how he knows. Adrien states that Alya is just a superhero fan and that she and Chat Noir have nothing in common.

Again, the complete lack of self-awareness is astonishing.

Adrien repeats what Alya said about secret identities and how she wouldn't fall for someone she doesn't know - they're really ignoring this, aren't they? - and continues hitting Nino's soft spots about how unlikely it is until Nino decides to tell Adrien something he's not supposed to.

He tells Adrien, not only that Alya is Rena Rouge, but that he's Carapace. Adrien goes through a range of emotions beyond sAD for once, shocked at the fact that they know each other's identities. Nino states that they don't keep secrets from each other, except now Alya is with Chat Noir. Adrien still doesn't understand and brings up how secret identities have to be protected, or else Nino wouldn't have told him because Ladybug wouldn't agree to it.

Oh, here we go. So that's why they waited.

Nino states that it was Ladybug herself who gave them their miraculouses at the same time; not giving the reason why, of course, nor pointing out that they're temporary heroes so there's understandably some leeway. Adrien is having a moment, but manages to bring the subject back to Alya and Chat Noir, who he still doesn't think are a thing. Nino argues that it's because Adrien doesn't know Chat Noir, but he does because he's Carapace and knows how Chat Noir acts. He says that it's all flowers and confessions when Ladybug appears, but he gets rejected because Ladybug thinks that he's annoying, and she's right. He adds that Chat flirts with Rena Rouge and that's all that needs to happen, with Chat stepping in on the first mission Carapace lost in. Nino laments the loss of the love of his life and wishes to shut Chat Noir up forever; we all do, Nino, we all do. Shadow Moth finally steps in with - oh, less than eight minutes left in the episode, yikes - and Nino is akumatized into Rocketear.

Rocketear rejects Adrien's pleas to stop, insisting that Chat Noir is who he's after, not Adrien, and Adrien transforms in sad fashion despite Plagg's reminder of who Rocketear is after. Alya, meanwhile, is in the art club with Marinette - wait, since when was Alya in the art club - telling Marinette about how Chat Noir thought she was into him due to the video, which Marinette groans at. There's an earthquake and they peek outside to see Rocketear firing his tears at Chat Noir, shouting that he stole Alya from him. Chat Noir tries to tell him otherwise, but Rocketear won't listen.

Alya groans at Nino doing this, then she and Marinette set off to find a place to transform. They conveniently go to the same place Adrien and Nino were, so they see the desk that Nino had set up.

Genuine question, how seriously does this episode want me to take itself, because now when I recount all the unnecessary love square drama in my head - because you know that's where this is going - I'm going to have to think, "Nino, dressed in a detective outfit, ripped off his fake mustache and told Adrien both his and Rena's identities, and also that Ladybug was totally cool with it and thinks that Chat Noir is annoying."

Gettin' two completely different vibes here. The episode clearly wants to be important but it doesn't take itself seriously either, which it totally could while including enough jokes to keep things light. Instead, I'm just left scratching my head and wondering what tone they're going for.

Marinette finds Nino's phone on the desk - I'm calling continuity error on that one because he at no point put it on the desk, at least not on-screen - and she questions Alya on the video she sees. Alya insists that nothing happened, apparently completely unphased by her boyfriend having spied on her, and says that he wouldn't have misunderstood if he'd heard the actual conversation.

The two transform and Ladybug immediately uses Lucky Charm, receiving a projector. Ladybug is clueless and Rena Furtive suggests creating an imaginary movie like Nino. Ladybug gets an idea, remembering Alya's earlier comments, and Rena confirms that she remembers every word of it.

Aaaaand, just like that, all of the tension has been completely sucked away. You know, "Backwarder" was a trash episode, but at least when Ladybug was showing every step of her plan, she didn't tell us what it was.

Meanwhile, Rocketear and Chat Noir are still arguing--I started zoning out at hearing the same thing over and over again at this point, so I just presume they were fighting over who does stuff behind their love interest's backs better; I don't think they came to an agreement but they're both losers anyway.

Chat Noir says that he'll prove his innocence, tossing his baton aside to show him giving up, but Rocketear points out that it proves nothing and strikes Chat Noir with his tears.

Our endgame love interest, everyone. Straight As yet about as smart as a sack of bricks, and that at least won't flirt with anyone non-consensually.

Chat Noir makes a point that he doesn't want to hurt Rocketear, and Shadow Moth tells Rocketear to take his miraculous before finishing him. Chat Noir can only weakly tell him not to before Ladybug snags Rocketear's wrist and diverts the shot. Ladybug explains to Rocketear about the projector and how it'll let him hear the audio of the recording he took. She adds that she doesn't know what Chat said, but she trusts him.

Marinette, I'm sorry, I feel so bad for you.

Ladybug turns on the projector and Rocketear relaxes at actually hearing what was going on. Rena then de-transforms and hurries out to meet with Rocketear, hugging him as Rocketear apologizes for doubting her. Alya also kinda sorta apologizes in a way I don't understand and Rocketear then breaks his akumatization, very casually, all on his own.

Yeah, just--casually, in a matter of seconds in fact. You know, it's really sad when people resisting akumatizations are more tense and emotionally compelling than them breaking them. This is twice in one season now and has zero impact considering that Nino's reason for being akumatized was already taken care of so he had no reason to stay akumatized anyway. Him breaking his own object to release the akuma would've at least been different, but instead it's just a repeat of what Alya went through with even less tension considering that Alya's wasn't even that good in the first place, relying on her relationship to Ladybug rather than who she knew to be her best friend.

Moving on, Ladybug captures the akuma and uses Miraculous Ladybug to bring everything back to normal. Shadow Moth monologues about how love and secrets don't go well together and he's sure that she has a lot and I'll talk about this later.

Ladybug hands over the magical charm, which Nino takes but insists that he won't need it, as he'll never let Shadow Moth use his love to manipulate him again. Plenty of other things to get akumatized over, but they gave the supposedly ace character a robot to help him stick out and also gave the supposedly aro character a miraculous back in season one to give her more importance. If characters aren't in love then they need something to ceompensate for it.

Nino apologizes to Chat Noir for being wrong and Chat Noir assures him that everyone has doubts, even him. He gets sad and Ladybug asks him what's wrong, but he insists that he's fine - officially throwing away his right to be upset at her later as far as I'm concerned - and they do their usual fist buuuuu--

...Really?

Everyone then splits up and Chat Noir sulks by himself instead of--you know, talking to Ladybug, or asking her anything, or making any sort of excuse for her because that would mean he actually has faith in her and understands that their partnership is different from temporary heroes, even if the excuse was as basic as her wanting to protect him more than the others because he would be that egotistical if they didn't want to stretch out this unnecessary drama.

Later on, Adrien is staring at a picture on the Ladyblog that might be a metaphor for the show considering how "in the foreground" Chat Noir and Rena are.

Adrien vents about Ladybug giving miraculouses to Alya and Nino, but Plagg states that she's the guardian. Adrien clarifies that he's referring to Alya and Nino knowing each other's identities, but Plagg doesn't see the issue. Adrien gets huffy and asks why the rule exists for LadyNoir but not Ninya, but Plagg again points out that she's the guardian, so she makes the rules, though obviously he uses cheese metaphors to convey it.

Okay, Plagg is only, like--half-right because he doesn't have all the information. If you don't mind me rambling for a bit, I'm on the fence here because, on one hand--yes, I agree that Marinette should be allowed to make her own rules, and I often do that in my writing because I think she should be permitted leeway in order to let herself be happy, but on the other hand, it's not technically her rule, as she had to let Alya and Nino in on their identities back in the Season 2 finale, so Fu was still around for a season. She wasn't even guardian yet!

Now, presumably so the fandom could blame Marinette if anything happened, Marinette never discussed this with Fu on-screen, so I can't say whether or not Fu knew, but I feel like he must've since Marinette had to have told him the heroes' identities off-screen, given "Party Crasher," and thus I imagine that Marinette would tell Fu everything that happened, which is consistent with what she does on-screen even if she'd keep things from him for a little while.

"Furious Fu" had also established that not even Master Fu followed rules completely, meaning that Marinette is in this awkward spot of mostly following what Fu taught her, which aren't all guardian rules anyway, and having to break the rules on occasion for various purposes. I can't say what Fu approved of and what he didn't, because episodes spend so much time on the love square that they forget about Marinette as a person and how she interacts with everyone else. From an emotional standpoint, I can't blame Marinette for not revoking the miraculouses of people whose identities get discovered because of her, as I imagine she feels guilty and it probably doesn't seem fair to force them into another miraculous or have them be entirely without one because of a mistake that she made, meaning that someone needs to be throwing a lot of red flags for Marinette to be through with them.

Though obviously, from the show's standpoint, it's just an excuse to not make new models, but I complained about that enough in "Sentibubbler" and this episode even went out of its way to design a detective model for Nino while spraypainting Alya's bodysuit in the same breath, so this is the world we live in.

Anyway, Marinette is essentially in this position where she still has Fu's rules hovering over her, but she's also trying to step out on her own and make her own decisions to varying degrees of success or failure depending on your point of view. Tikki--wait, no, bad idea--Su-Han then, could easily give input on these things, perhaps with Marinette discussing a modern day set of rules for someone her age and going back and forth with Su-Han on what the right choices to make are, finding something that's comfortable but within a realm of predictable control. Su-Han was okay with some rules being broken after seeing how Ladybug handled them and they could've easily made this episode about that instead, but instead, we get rules being set and then being broken on a writer's whim.

Which now brings us to the end of the episode, where Marinette is on the phone with Alya and apologizes for causing trouble between her and Nino. Alya tells her not to worry and she'll fix things - you know, those things that, to Marinette's knowledge, have already been fixed - and asks if Marinette trusts her. Marinette does, and Alya hangs up in order to face Nino.

Yeah, that feeling of dread in your stomach? That means you know how predictable the writing is and what's about to happen, good for you.

Alya explains that she has to tell Nino something and he's worried, this time trying to sheepishly break the tension. She explains that she's still Rena Rouge, much to Nino's shock, and adds that she's in hiding, which is why Ladybug didn't want her to tell anyone. Nino asks why she's telling him if she's not supposed to tell anyone - proving my point from a while back that he wouldn't have been upset had she kept it a secret - then asks if Ladybug agreed with it.

I want to give him a pat on the back for considering Ladybug, but he didn't even tell her when he had the chance that Adrien knows his identity now, so I'm just beaten down at this point.

Instead of answering the question directly, Alya says that she can't hide her identity from him because she loves him and they don't have secrets.

You know, like Nino telling Adrien about Rena's identity, or Alya saying specifically that she's a permanent holder, which I'm sure both of them will confess to since they said that they don't have--aaaaand the episode ends on happy triumphant music, okay.

I mean, I guess Alya at least didn't tell him that Marinette was Ladybug, but that is such a low bar and not even remotely worthy of congratulations when Alya told Nino the specific thing that Marinette told Alya not to tell; the thing that they had agreed on.

Nino wasn't upset anymore. He won't be getting akumatized either. Alya endured the supposed hardship of being a permanent fox holder for four episodes before breaking down and telling her boyfriend. Even her excuse doesn't hold any water because, again, they're both still technically keeping a secret, particularly Alya who knows Marinette's identity as Ladybug. The episode also apparently forgets that Alya and Marinette's friendship must not be as strong by her logic of telling Nino specifically everything, as Alya kept Rena Rouge a secret from Marinette for all of Season 3, but tells Nino about continuing to be Rena Rouge in Season 4. Boyfriends before BFFs without explicitly saying it, or to be more specific, whatever screws Marinette over the most, because that's what this comes down to, made worse by "Optigami" where Marinette told Alya that she'd tell her everything and I guess that doesn't go both ways.

"Sentibubbler" had Alya stress that no one would ever know. She promised Marinette and told Marinette to trust her, and the episode spent its entire running time talking her up and assuring Marinette that she was the right choice, even considering Marinette ridiculous for worrying when Alya had done something without Marinette's permission the episode right before it. Then, three episodes after "Sentibubbler," when Marinette is finally comfortable and trusts Alya completely, Alya betrays that trust. Nino betrayed that trust, knowing he wasn't supposed to do so but telling Adrien his and Rena's identity anyway, because he was losing an argument and needed to PROVE something.

Marinette gives them an inch and they take a mile. Marinette bent the rules so that they could continue to have the miraculous they'd started with and they disrespected her because it was hard for like a day.

And if this bites them back, it won't reflect poorly on them, it'll reflect poorly on Marinette.

It's not like Alya just overrode Marinette. She didn't go, "Hey, I'm telling Nino, I'm sorry," or tried her hardest to go back and forth with Marinette until they both agreed. No, she did what she told Marinette she wouldn't do without saying a word to her, because LOVE and SEEEECRETS.

And this only applies to her, of course, because don't think I didn't notice the parallels between this episode and "Truth," because WOW.

Episode begins with Marinette hoping for something and it blows up in her face? A date at the cinema that ends on a sour note? Plot-centric couple trying to get Andre's ice cream and the female with a secret needing to leave in a hurry? Boyfriend character getting akumatized over their girlfriend's secret? Boyfriend assumes/suggests that the girlfriend's secret involves Aaaaaadrien - or his alter-ego in "Rocketear"'s case - and the episode hints as much to him even though he's completely wrong? Akuma's colors are blue and black? THE BRIDGE?

But, ahhh, little difference, here and there, y'know, like how Marinette was forced to break up with her boyfriend while Alya got to keep hers, and Nino got to have long talks with Alya while Luka got little to nothing with Marinette.

Because do note that Alya, while trying to convince Marinette and talk to Nino about not keeping secrets, at no point suggests that Marinette deserves to be happy and deserves to have a boyfriend and that Marinette should be allowed to tell Luka her secret so they can get back together, so you have Alya here selfishly prioritizing her relationship with Nino while making no comment about Marinette's relationship, essentially asking Marinette to allow her what Marinette herself didn't have the luxury of, and Alya knows this because Marinette told her. It is both incredibly insensitive of Alya and incredibly insulting of the show to make so many parallels between this episode and "Truth" just to have everything crash down for Marinette because she's Marinette while everything goes well for Alya and Nino because they're not Marinette.

We've talked before about the formulas that are literally baked into the show, and one of those is how Marinette makes a mistake in every episode and has to learn from it. What that mistake is in this episode, I don't know, but considering that she apologizes for Alya and Nino's problems, I guess the show blames her for what they themselves had taught her.

Point being, there's a clear karma system in place, but it only applies to Marinette, and forcing her to mess up in every episode means that she is literally not allowed to be with Luka because had she been able to clear things up between them, he would've eagerly accepted her and they could've been happy. It'd be too difficult for her to mess up when Luka doesn't put mountains of pressure and expectations on her like everyone else. Factor that in with how she can be herself around him and it leads to situation that are too difficult for her to screw up in because her mistakes - more often than not - center around Adrien or her role as guardian.

And because another rule in the show is to bring up Adrien so they don't "lose him for too long," she can't avoid bringing him up either. If he's not in the plot, he has to be mentioned, leaving Marinette in a lose-lose situation that she'll never be free from.

So, let me just get this straight then:

The guy who spied on his girlfriend instead of talking to her about his assumptions gets to keep his girlfriend, not because he realized it was wrong regardless of whether he was correct or not, but because the situation had been cleared up for him, yet the guy who actively resisted his akumatization, saddened by his girlfriend's secrets but wanting her to share them when she was ready, gets broken up with and tossed to the wayside because he's not a rich blond boy who got a miraculous because he happened to be within the twenty meters of space where Fu was searching for new holders?

Meanwhile, the girlfriend who has gone against the wishes and insistence of her best friend - guardian of the miraculouses, by the way, so she calls the shots, something that Alya herself said in "Optigami" BEFORE GOING ON TO DO HER OWN THING IN THE SAME EPISODE AND BEING REWARDED FOR IT - is allowed to go against the wishes and insistence of her best friend again for the sake of "all love, no secrets" with her boyfriend and so she can have the happy ending she wants, yet the girl who was chosen for a miraculous without her consent, forced to screw up and talk about a random boy who doesn't even go out of his way to spend time with her, treated like absolute trash by writers who find humor in her misery, and is the only one to receive overly harsh and long-lasting consequences for her actions while also covering up and forgiving the actions of others within the episode where they do it...

doesn't get her happy ending, and won't ever get her happy ending. That thing Shadow Moth said about love and secrets not going well together? Yeah, only goes as far as the writers want it to, because both Nino and Alya still have secrets, and some of the ones they did tell each other were forced by someone else and kept until that very moment. This idea that people in love have to tell each other everything and that it makes a relationship stronger makes me immensely uncomfortable, and that lesson is also in "Guiltrip."

People should be allowed their secrets, and obviously there are exceptions for things that are being hidden with malicious intent, but being essentially forced to share everything or risk not having a "full and complete" relationship is stifling and sounds like it'd only cause stress.

This episode sucks. It furthers and confirms everything I've already thought about the show, Nino's screentime continues to be dependent on Adrien, Alya, or both, there are pointless references that completely take me out of the experience, and the utter betrayal from Alya and supposed message of the episode just reminds me that Marinette is inevitably going to be stuck with a guy who didn't even DO anything in this episode and is going to let himself stew instead of asking for any sort of clarifications from someone he apparently trusts so much.

So the takeaway is that Marinette's life is awful, she'll be forced to apologize for rules that she didn't even come up with herself, her best friend will walk all over her for the sake of her relationship with a guy - not even for the sake, really, they were going to be fine, it was more for HER personal comfort if anything - and the guy who actually makes Marinette happy and could've known her identity instead BECAUSE HE AT LEAST DIDN'T HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF SPILLING HER SECRETS gets treated in the exact same way that she does; like nothing, just something to abuse unfairly.

What a waste of an episode.

[i-need-air]

Hybrid!AU Wolf!Bakugou Katsuki HCs Part 2.

Summary: Part 2 is here! While in part 1 it was mostly adoption and how he'd behave with you as a roommate, part two is him ✨ realizing things ✨ followed by how he'd be in a romantic relationship.

Word Count: 2k words [ oops, I did it again ]

Notes: So I said it'll be out in a few days but three [3] people asked me for part 2 and I'm a sucker soooooooo!! I could've just written a long ass fic but whatever, I thought I'd make it shorter in headcanons... hah lol right. Enjoy!

Part 1 here!

× he's a wild wolf so he's very active; like you need to understand he needs to go outside if not he'd get impatient, more aggressive, snappy, so once you took him on an easy hiking trail near your house and he loved it so once or twice a month you both go together to different places [ he demands it ]

× it's hard to keep up with him bc he's literally genetically engineered to be better than any very fit human being but he slows down for you

× morning runs at 5 a.m. bc he's insane

× is also a grandpa

× watched all documentaries on any streaming platform you could provide to him, also loves reading

× as months pass and you start to have your routine in order, word comes to you that an acquaintance is looking for a security guard at his mechanical shop two streets away from your house

× you casually mentioned it to Bakugou because he was starting to act anxious whenever you'd leave the house, so you assumed he was extra bored

× seriously, the house was spotlessly cleaned, he cooked amazingly and was occupied with your old laptop and going around the city to explore, but you guessed he wanted more independence?

× little did you know you were right but so wrong lol

× so Bakugou stared at you intensely and asked "Where?"

× it was as easy as telling him the location, him nodding and you thought he'd consider it; you didn't put any pressure on him because he already did so much to help around anyway

× well guess what bitch, next day he comes up to you saying you gotta co-sign his contract [cuz fuck society] meaning he got the job

× he was perfect for it because tall, intimidating, muscular wolf guy? who'd even mess with him? do they have a death wish?

× well, even before this he started to be... soft

× but once you really did show him you support whatever he wants to do, you give him his freedom and liberty of choice, he just reaaally changes, man

× he gets touchy, like his hands stay one second longer on your skin, he uses any excuse to have them on you, even his eyes follow you everywhere

× like c'mon, it's obvious but you didn't wanna put too much thought into it because we're respectful here

× not like you had a big fat crush on him and slowly started to realize it too

× sike bitch he knows

× you think his super-hearing didn't catch the way your heartbeat spikes up every single time he touches you? *please*

× i think he knows before you know

× meanwhile he is working to discover his feelings too

× so your relationship slowly turns into a couple's like relationship but without anything official and of course no kissing or such [ sadly ]

× would get jealous easily

× basically because nothing is talked between you two and deep down is insecure

× why the hell do you smell like other people? was it just a hug or something else? hell, why would you even hug people when he's right there??? just ask and don't touch some extras????

× another thing he does is getting very close to you while you talk to somebody else; scoffs and glares at them too

× ok so!! gifts! he really appreciates any gift you give him but scolds you if you do because you genuinely don't need to do that

× of course he just scolds you and calls you an idiot so I do hope you already learned his language

× it basically means that you shouldn't have done it, he's really grateful but seriously you shouldn't have

× like that one time you saved up money to get him a good computer and he forgot how to speak for like an hour

× the softest thank you ever afterwards

× still sounded rough but he was shocked as fuck

× one thing that remained in your brain were his friends, as sometimes he'd mention them

× so you took it upon yourself to find them, of course with his permission

× gets genuinely overwhelmed and plays it off saying he wouldn't mind knowing where those idiots ended but you didn't miss the way his voice trembled

× for you to find them you needed names and any information he could provide so that's when he, after a long silence and a mesmerized look on his face, started really talking about his life

× which was fucked; won't get much into detail but he was indeed in a fighting ring, people came and bet on whoever was stronger, he even had to fight his friends, everything was filled with abuse and their conditions were subhuman...

× just overall awful

× you couldn't help but hug him tight, feeling him shake in your arms

× with a hesitant voice he asked if you really did think there was a chance to find them

× just couldn't believe how amazing he felt in your arms

× or how your determination that night made his heart clench and took a big weight off his shoulders

× anywho;;;; after his first paycheck he takes you out on cute dates

× never calls them that, just demands you dress up [helps you out cuz boy got style] and takes you to a nice coffee shop or something

× AND on your fifth not date cuz you're not official but there's this weird tension between you date he finally kinda s n a p s

× you honestly didn't expect the waiter to flirt with you, he came out as very pushy and even if you were a lil uncomfortable you smiled and brushed it off

× when the waiter suggested giving you his number the sandy blond hybrid growled

× which i shit you not made the whole coffee shop freeze

× and you froze too

× but neither of you could say anything because the oblivious fuck kept talking

× basically joking about how you should keep your pet in a leash, to which you got up, threw some money on the table, grabbed Bakugou by the hand and leave before he'd rip someone's head off

× it only took you to touch Bakugou's arm to calm him down as he followed behind you wordlessly

× so you stood outside, angry, deep red eyes on your figure

× and silence

× his hand still in yours

× it was warm and amazing and you felt angry but your heart was beating loudly; angry at the waiter that you wanted to go full Karen on and get fired but excited because that growl shook you to the core, as if you could tell it was territorial and it was because of that pig flirting with you and did Bakugou Katsuki just lace his fingers with you?!

× "Oi." he interrupted your thoughts

× he turned your frame towards him and pulled you [kinda harshly] into him

× you'd make a comment about it but brain empty, just Bakugou Katsuki blushing

× "You're mine, you get it?"

× skdjflglykshs

× it sounded like he asked but it was a demand so oops you're his now ok bye

× like I said, boy isn't dumb so he lowkey knew you felt something too

× legit from there on he's just soft as fuck

× has a hard time opening up but visibly tries for you

× still continues to be a pain in the ass, Bakugou Style, but with a loving teasing attitude behind it

× his eyes give him away all the time

× they shine whenever you're in his field of view so congrats because, and this is the best part:

× WOLVES MATE FOREVER 💕💓💞💗💝💟

× oh yeah, he's yours, no takebacks

× he isn't one to half-ass the relationship; you're his now and he'll do anything for you

× big time touch starved it hurts

× because he is shy

× so whenever you introduce him to hand holding and cuddles, he can't get enough

× not big on PDA [ and not recommended since human-hybrid relationships are kiiiinda frowned upon but it's getting better ]

× although at home it's another deal

× seriously cuddle him; he's big into the protector vibe so he's a big spoon almost exclusively unless it's to sleep on top of you

× speaking of! accept that even if your relationship isn't that intimate, he'd still hint about sleeping together in the same bed

× so you better catch on when he does because he'll just click his tongue and call you needy

× while dragging you to bed

× sleeps holding you, his nose in your hair or in the crook of your neck

× unless it's summer then stay on your side 💅

× you know those kisses that just scream "I can't get enough of you"? that's his whole kissing vibe in a sentence

× hell, even the gentlest kiss gives that vibe away and it'll 100% leave you breathless

× doesn't have experience but is a very fast learner

× pays very close attention to your body language

× really into biting your skin enough to leave marks

× wear his hoodies

× no, I'm fucking serious, wear them now

× his chest puffs and he turns into a blushing mess when you do it the first times because his scent is on you

× scenting is a big thing for him so of course he's gonna love it

× 10x more territorial because now he has a mate to protect

× jealous but trusts you

× still very jealous though

× let's all pretend he is definitely not scenting you before you go out because it's in his nature and it is embarrassing

× the first time he tells you he loves you it's when he's feeling vulnerable

× the search for his friends is still on-going, he feels less than adequate as a providing mate, is pissed at the world for treating him like an inferior animal when they created him, everything is piled on his shoulders and whenever than happens he closes off

× you notice immediately

× will not tell you at first

× it's only when you go to bed and he turns his back to you when you really know it's bad

× even if you fought before, he'd angrily snuggle you at night-time

× now it's so different

× hug him, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, pull a blanket all over you both and big spoon him, he'd start shaking and talking in no time

× will hide his tears from you but you'd know

× "You're the best fucking thing that happened to me, [Y/N]... I—... Shit... I love you so much."

× neither of you slept that night

× excuse you? drink some water and pray to jesus;;; you talked about feelings, ok? communication is key in a relationship, puh-lease

× [ i have this whole nsfw hcs post already cookin in my brain so maybe I'll make it happen cuz y'all know he has a mating season and all that comes with it 👀 ]

× back to being children of jesus here

× thanks the moon, the heavens and all the gods for putting you in his life; boy didn't believe in destiny but deep down he thinks you were meant to be

× you still better wash the dishes or you'll get your ass kicked.

Extra:

× you did find some of his friends, little by little, and even if he acted nonchalant, like k das cool, it was obvious he was extremely happy

× so they did get adopted too

× you got in contact with them on social media and they were all very excited about meeting

× so it was a chaotic meeting with a dog hybrid called Kirishima and a mouse like vibrat yellow guy called Kaminari

× they all were looking for Bakugou too since they were very worried about where he ended

× Kirishima shed manly tears when seeing Bakugou

× as they instantly welcomed you in their small group, they informed you both that the majority of the squad was adopted and they're in contact, while they're still actively looking for the others

× cue to the softest expression you've seen on Bakugou in public followed by "That's good"

× silence

× shock and silence

× Kaminari turning to you and whispering "You did this" with a hand on his heart, lips trembling as he wiped an imaginary tear

× insert instantly snappy Bakugou

× when everyone laughed and continued to make plans to meet up with the others, he just looked at you conversing with them, soft expression again on his features and his chest warming

× "Oh! Look, he's doing it again! Quick, take a pictur—"

× "SHINE!"

[marginalmadness]

Summer Nights: 2/4

Pairing: Rabbit!Hybrid Jungkook x Y/N

Rating: Mature (later explicit)

Genre: Hybrid!Fantasy, Romance, Fluff

Synopsis: A freak weather anomaly leads to a chance encounter with a rabbit-hybrid, and your kind nature results in you gaining a small, fluffy lodger, who questions your taste in television shows. It’s won’t be for long…will it?

Warnings/Tags: This chapter involves Jungkook going into heat.

Author’s Note: If I called @johobi​ patient before, I fucked up the tenses to bad in this chapter, it took her HOURS to fix. But she approved of the chapter which I’m happy about because this is the one I was most worried about. Jungkook Goes into heat in this chapter, and I hope nobody wants to kill me when they finish it.  Chapter 3 is only a week away! <3

Previous Chapter: Chapter 1 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Tags: @kookiebunny97​ @mintyrae​ @skswriting​ 

Word Count: 5.6K

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction for entertainment purposes only. The events depicted here are entirely of my own imagining, and have no basis on actual people or events.

I hope everyone is enjoying BE, and Life Goes On.

Summer Nights: Chapter Two

The next morning is the first day of your new-new normal. You wake to the sound of music coming from the living room. You pull yourself to your feet, shuffling from your bed to find the sourc

The next morning is the first day of your new-new normal. You wake to the sound of music coming from the living room. You pull yourself to your feet, shuffling from your bed to find the source of the enchanting sound. To your shock and delight, you find Jungkook hopping around the kitchen happily, ears and hair bouncing as he sings along to the radio and prepares pancakes. His voice is divine. You stand there enraptured, caught under his spell. He drops the spatula in fright when he turns to find you leaning against the wall, watching him silently.

 “Please continue,” you urge him. But he shakes his head, blushing and hiding behind his ears. “Your voice is so pretty. Please?” you coax, stepping towards him. Jungkook considers you from behind his ears for a second. Then, tentatively, he picks up the spatula and resumes his song while he washes it clean.

 From that day onwards, he wakes you each morning the same way, voice drifting through the bedroom door he leaves slightly ajar. There’s always a stack of warm, fluffy pancakes waiting for you in the kitchen, and beside it a bowl of yogurt-drizzled fruit. As soon as you’re seated, Jungkook extends a freshly brewed cup of breakfast tea to you. You eat together in the early morning light, the radio playing in the background. And while you get ready for work, Jungkook cleaned up the dishes from breakfast. 

 Domestic heaven. 

At the end of your work day, you come home and thank God he’s still there. Sometimes he’s typing away on your laptop. Jungkook signed up as a freelance transcriber as a way to make money while staying with you. It was something to do while you were at work, too, restless soul that he is.  Sometimes, though, you come home to find him flopped on his side in a patch of sun, having a nap as a bunny. 

You cook dinner together now. Well, when you say together, you mean you take his direction, since Jungkook is a much better cook than you. He uses some of his free time to look up recipes he thinks you’ll like. 

It’s ridiculously heartwarming. 

After dinner, as is your routine, you split the washing up and curl up together to watch some Netflix. On the days you do all the washing up, Jungkook doesn’t fight you for control of the TV. 

You still tease him over the first and only time you watched a horror movie. The first jump-scare forced him into rabbit form and he leapt into your lap in fright. Jungkook spent the entire movie there, shivering. And the rest of the night he spent pressed against your side in a tight, furry ball. Of course, the next day he insisted he wasn’t that scared, he just didn’t want to bother you by transforming back and forth.

He did a similar thing when you were watching a sappy romantic movie, but you don’t tease him about that. The second you noticed him sniffling at the lovers’ separation, he turned into a rabbit and hopped off his chair and over to you. You expected him to come cuddle, but he scrambled onto the back of the sofa and situated himself by your head instead. Every time there was a particularly romantic moment, he would nudge you with his nose and tickle you with his whiskers. And when he was feeling particularly bold, he’d grip your shoulder with his front claws and rub his chin over your cheek and neck. It tickled so much it made you squirm. 

After extricating yourself from his clutches, a quick search on the internet told you that rabbits do this to mark their territory. You have trouble looking him in the eye the rest of that day. You know he’s attracted to you; have done since that first night. But he’s been ever so respectful. For some reason, the thought of him marking you as his makes your skin flush and burn.

Shopping for groceries is an experience, too. Jungkook skips around the store, picking multiple things up, asking you if you like them before throwing them in the shopping cart. It doesn’t matter whether you need them or not, just if you like it. That’s good enough for Bun. He’s so happy and energetic, his smile wide and eyes sparkling until you bend over into a freezer to pick up some ice cream. When you turn back, Jungkook is clinging to the cart, his eyes wide and entire body stock-still. All but his foot as it wildly pounds the ground.

“You okay, Bun?” you ask with a tilt of your head. His mouth drops open into a shape as round as his eyes. Mimicking you, Jungkook tilts his head before blinking and shaking it. And then he coughs, practically vibrates, before muttering something about cereal and running off in the opposite direction of the cereal. 

Ever since that peculiar day, Jungkook has insisted on going grocery shopping alone. Something about getting out of the house and becoming more independent. But he blushes and averts his eyes as he says it, foot tapping wildly until he kicks over a plant pot. He cleans up the mess without another word, chewing on one of its stricken leaves and purposefully avoiding your eyes for the rest of the day.

Your weekends become different too. Before Bun arrived, you’d spent them relaxing after your work week, alone and in peace. Now you have a tiny, demanding rabbit that follows you around your apartment, tripping you up. And now you also have a fully grown, demanding man. A roommate - for lack of a better word - with which to do things. Now you have Saturday walks in the park and Sunday brunches. Imagine that.

 Jungkook is incredibly physical. Forever moving, rarely still, bouncing from foot to foot, wiggling when excited. When you praise him, he claps and dances. The day you get a promotion at work, he hugs you so tightly, lifting you up and spinning you in the air because he’s simply that happy. He binkies about in excitement just as much as he did in bunny form, long hair and floppy ears bouncing wildly as his eyes crinkle in happiness, sending things flying in his excitement. You’ve already replaced one particular lamp three times.

But then Jungkook starts marking his territory in human form, too.

You’re chopping something for dinner on some nondescript day when Jungkook approaches you from behind, hands sliding gently over your hips. You could shake him off easily if you wanted to. But you find yourself not wanting to. His chin rests on your shoulder as though he’s just watching you work, but then the subtle rub starts. Across your shoulder and into the crook of your neck, until an involuntary shudder runs down your spine. It snaps Jungkook back to his senses and he pulls away.

—-

The day everything changed was the day from hell. Work had been awful, just one fuck up after another. None of which were even your fault, but all of which you were expected to fix.

You come home to a tidy apartment, subtle scented candles burning and soft music playing. Jungkook is in the kitchen cooking, and you’re sure the ingredients you can smell are ones he’s shopped for today.

“Welcome home.” He smiles over his shoulder at you. “Dinner is almost done if you want to get washed up.” He turns back to stir the pan on the stove. When you walked through the front door you were on the verge of tears. Now your eyes are misting up for the complete opposite reason.

You drag your sorry ass over to him and practically collapse against his wide, strong back, wrapping your arms around his tiny waist like he often does you.

“Thank you,” you practically sob into his shirt, screwing your eyes closed in an effort to not actually cry. You try to keep the emotion out of your voice but Jungkook knows you well enough to sense you’re upset by something. He immediately switches off the stove burners and turns to wrap his arms tightly around you, holding you without a second thought.

 “What is it? What’s wrong?” he asks, voice full of concern. Large, strong hands brush the hair back from your face.

 “I just had a really shit day, and you just—” You turn, arms flailing, motioning to the clean apartment and dinner on the stove. Jungkook nods in understanding. “—you made it all better.” His eyes go round as he blinks at you in shock, before melting into something warm. He tucks your hair behind your ears and tilts your head as he moves in, as though he were going to kiss you. Your eyes flutter closed as his nose brushes yours, but his lips never touch yours. “What’s this?” you ask in a whisper, blinking your eyes open to find him smiling at you softly.

 “A rabbit thing,” he says simply, resting his forehead against yours with a soft grunt of air. It doesn’t quite reach a growl. You know it's a rabbit thing; you researched. But you didn’t expect it in human form.

 “Okay.” You don’t push, don’t demand an explanation for a deeper meaning, just accept the affection from him. You lean in and brush your nose against his in return, causing him to gasp and grunt again, hand moving from your face to your waist. It lingers there for a few seconds before Jungkook gently, physically, pushes you away, his large eyes looking bigger than usual. His pupils are blown out, almost entirely black. Breath comes from his parted lips in short pants and huffs.

 “You should get cleaned up while I finish dinner,” he says softly, stepping backwards. There’s an arm’s length of space between you now. You nod at him, hands finding his, giving him a squeeze as you back out of the kitchen. You don’t let go until the space between you is too far for your fingertips to touch. His eyes don’t leave you until you’re completely out of sight.

 You close the door quietly, leaning your forehead against it and taking slow, deep, grounding breaths, trying to calm the racing of your heart. What was that? Sure, it isn’t the first time he’s done it; he did it on the night he transformed and kissed you. Somehow, though, it felt as intimate as him kissing you again. Is it wrong to feel this way towards Jungkook? He’s your Bun, your charge; you’re his caretaker. Are you taking advantage of him? Is he only acting like this because he’s thankful to you for taking care of him?

 You push off and away from the door, feeling heavy. It’s almost like there’s a rope connecting you to Jungkook and forever pulling you towards him. You change out of your work clothes into something more comfortable. If that more comfortable thing happens to be something just a little clingy in certain, flattering places, and it makes you feel pretty, then you tell yourself you need the ego boost after the day you had. It has absolutely nothing to do with wanting to look good for Jungkook. You head to the bathroom to wash your face and brush your hair into something more relaxed before returning to the kitchen. And Jungkook.

 “Nope!” Jungkook yells, stopping you before you can even enter the kitchen, two strong hands taking you by the shoulders, turning you around and practically marching you towards the living room. You pout over your shoulder at him, but he’s just grinning and laughing at your pouty face. You slump onto the sofa and he leans over the back of it, hovering over you, his eyes crinkling as he laughs musically. Ever so carefully he takes you by the jaw, rubbing his chin over your head, tilting you to the side so he can whisper in your ear.

 “Sit and relax, I’ll bring you dinner.” His voice is light and full of joy.

 You sit and pout, grabbing the remote to put some music on. At the exact moment you drop it back to the table, a bowl of food is placed in front of you. You blink up at a grinning Jungkook as he retreats eagerly to the kitchen, presumably for drinks. His enthusiasm is infectious. You pick up the bowl of pasta, twirling your fork in the creamy sauce and noodles, and take a big bite. It’s delicious. Delicious enough to have you moaning with pleasure and sliding back against the couch.

 “Kookie, this is amazing!” you groan, licking the sauce from your lips.

 Jungkook stares at you, eyes wide, focused on your tongue as it slides along your lips. You hadn’t even realised he’d come back from the kitchen. He places a glass of wine on the table in front of you, ducking his head and hiding behind his ears as he shuffles to his spot on the sofa, bowl in hand. You watch him slyly out of the corner of your eye. His face is so red, so glowing you can almost feel the heat radiating from it. “I made it,” he says, still staring intently at his food. “I found a recipe online I thought you would like.”

 “From scratch?” you ask, amazed. He nods, biting his lip and refusing to look at you. You reach across the space between you and thread your fingers into his soft, wavy locks, rubbing the spot just behind one of his floppy ears. “Bun this is amazing, it tastes amazing!” His head lifts up, eyes so big they sparkle in the low light. “You’re amazing,” you whisper in a soft voice. Jungkook ducks his head again, hiding once more behind his long ears and curly hair. He eats his food slowly, more picking at it than anything. You, on the other hand, tuck in enthusiastically, all manners and grace gone, letting him see and hear your enjoyment of the food. You know how much it pleases him when you unabashedly enjoy his cooking. When you ask for seconds, handing him your empty bowl, Jungkook binkies across the room to the kitchen, bouncing on his heels as he piles a second serving of noodles and sauce into your bowl.

 He hands it back to you soon after and sits beside you on the sofa, knees curling under himself. Reclining on the back cushions, he observes you as you eat, arms crossed and eyes sparkling. When you’re half way through your second serving and can’t eat a bite more, he whisks away the dishes and returns quickly to your side. 

 Jungkook flops over and places his head in your lap. “Will you…” He bites his lip, turning to bury his face in your sweater, his cheeks burning crimson again.

 “What? What do you want, Kookie?” you ask, carding your fingers through his hair and rubbing a thumb over the gentle fur of his ear. It twitches repeatedly.

 “Just this. Will you play with my hair? Stroke my ears?” he asks in a small voice. It’s unusually meek for him in his human form.

 “Of course I will, Bun. Anything you want.” You smile, running your fingers through his hair, nails trailing down his scalp. His leg kicks out, narrowly missing the coffee table. You hand him the remote. “Pick something to watch.”

Jungkook shuffles, turning to face the TV. With his head still in your lap, he curls up into a ball, enjoying your ministrations. You continue to pet him, running your fingers through his hair and stroking his ears, twirling locks of hair around your finger before releasing the resulting curl. You lounge there together, the stress of the day bleeding away from you thanks to a stomach full of good food and your hand tangled in the hair of—Jungkook—whatever he was to you right now.

You don’t know exactly when you fall asleep, but you wake to strong arms holding you, carrying you to your room. Jungkook places you delicately on your bed and you fling yourself backwards, curling up to drift off again. But before long you’re being shaken gently awake and sat back up. Soft, cotton pajamas are pushed into your hands.

“You need to get changed,” a soft, deep voice says firmly in your ear. A warm body presses against your back.

You pout, eyes resolutely closed, but begin taking off your sweater. Large hands help you when you get tangled on your arms. It’s even more of a struggle to unhook your bra. You flail for a while before dropping your arms and slumping back against Jungkook with a tired, pathetic whine. If you were properly awake you might have noticed how his breath hissed through his teeth, or how his nose rubbed your temple. 

With more force than is probably necessary, Jungkook grips you by the shoulder and props you forward. Then, with just one finger, he pulls your bra band away from your back, taking all care not to touch you at all. By some black magic he manages to unhook it, sliding the straps down and off your arms before discarding it on the floor. Not once does he look over your shoulder. He pulls the camisole of your pajama set over your head, guiding your arms through the straps before you wake enough to take over and pull both arms through.

“Now the shorts,” he grunts, low and gruff. It’s unusual enough that you pout at him over your shoulder.

“Bossy bunny,” you mumble, standing and kicking off the comfy leggings you had on. Somewhere in the back of your head you register a soft ‘”shit’” that you’re too tired to acknowledge. You pull on your shorts and sit back down, immediately flopping to your pillow. You feel your body being turned, tucked beneath the sheet pulled over you. Sleep comes easily to you after that.

—-

You wake up while it’s still dark outside. Jungkook’s chest is hot against your back, his knees curled and tucked behind yours. A muscled arm hangs heavily over your waist, keeping you close to him. You lift it as carefully as possible and slide out of bed, tip-toeing stealthily across the soft carpet and out of the room. You head to the kitchen and grab a glass in the dark, in search of a drink for your parched throat.

You drink your fill and shuffle back to bed, bringing a glass with you just in case. Although you slip into your room as stealthily as you’d left it, Jungkook is awake when you return. He sits with his arms wrapped around his knees, bottom lip snagged beneath his prominent front teeth.

“Kookie?” you ask softly in the darkness, making your way back to your side of the bed. “I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“No, I just—I reached for you and you were gone,” he says, watching you place your glass of water down and climb back into bed. “I was waiting for you to come back.”

“Silly rabbit,” you coo. Jungkook rolls towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist and tangling a powerful, muscular leg with yours. You settle back, stroking his head and mulling over his unusual clinginess as sleep comes to claim you. 

But then you feel a pressure against your thigh, and you’re suddenly very awake. 

Jungkook undulates his hips to a subtle rhythm. “Wha-” you begin, turning to look at him. But he buries his nose beneath your jaw, his breath coming out in soft,  heavy huffs in time with his movements. He grinds against your hip with a desperation. You swallow audibly, forcing yourself to ask as your face burns. “Jungkook, what are you doing?”

“Sorry,” he whines. “I can’t help it, I just—” He throws his thigh over your hips, shifting until he’s hovering over you, weight on his knees and forearms. His hips drop to roll against your stomach, a thick bulge straining the thin material of the pajama bottoms you had bought him. Jungkook ruts against your sweat-covered skin as you stare up at him, eyes wide, frozen in shock. Heat floods through you, stirring your insides until you’re panting. He is, too. His mouth hangs open as he huffs in time with his thrusts, lips grazing your jaw until they reach your mouth. He caresses it softly with his own, barely a whisper of a touch. Once. Twice. Just like that first night he turned. The third time, he kisses you. Your eyes flutter closed and you kiss him back. Nothing more than a delicate tilt of your head and a careful brushing of your lips against his. This is wrong, a voice in the back of your head whispers. This man is practically a stranger.

Only he’s not.

He’s shared your bed as a human for the past two weeks, and ten weeks before that as a rabbit.

You’ve spent evenings curled up together, watching shows you both enjoy. You know his moods, as he knows yours. Your hand feels as comfortable tangled in his hair as it does amongst his fur, and you can read his eyes in both forms exactly the same.

He’s your Jungkook. Your Kookie. 

Your Bun.

He exhales heavily, his tongue lapping at your lips for more. Warm breath fans your face and you practically tremble with anticipation. Jungkook tears himself away to run his hands down the curves of your body, and as you look up at him, your mouth dries at the sight of his godly form. The ever-present glow of the city creates a subtle neon halo behind him, heightening his otherworldly, divine presence.

“I-I—“ As suddenly as he came onto you, Jungkook scrambles backwards off the bed, falling ungracefully to the floor. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry!” he yells, eyes watery and wide with terror. He rushes out of the room so quickly he doesn’t even stand up straight. Just heads straight for the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. You follow too late, reaching your bedroom doorway just in time to hear the bathroom lock snap into place.

You drop to your knees outside the bathroom door, knocking on it gently. “Jungkookie, what’s wrong? Please, come out,” you call.

“I can’t,” comes a whine from the other side of the door. It almost sounds like a sob. “I have to stay here. Can I have a blanket please?” The voice is strained and tight; unsure. It’s not like the warm, bright voice you’ve come to know at all.

“Okay,” you agree. “I’ll get that for you. I’ll be right back.” When you return with the requested blanket, you let Kookie know with a small knock on the door. He cracks it open just enough for you to push the bedding through. In doing so, you catch a glimpse of his eyes. They’re wide and a little teary, his pupils huge. His face and upper chest is worryingly flushed. Jungkook notices you scrutinising his appearance and slams the door shut before you can comment. You hover on the other side of the door, not wanting to leave him. “I’m not upset with you, Bun. I understand if you want some space. Good night.”

You shuffle your way back to bed, curling up under the duvet for the first time in weeks. Because despite the heat and humidity of summer, it feels far, far too cold.

—-

The fullness of your bladder wakes you, demanding you seek relief immediately. You can tell by the noise outside that it’s late morning, and you hope Jungkook is already awake. You roll out of bed and shuffle over to the bathroom, trying the handle and finding it still locked.

With a reluctant sigh, you knock. “Jungkookie? Bun, I need to pee. Can you let me in please?” A few moments later there’s shuffling behind the door and the soft click of a lock opening. A sunken-eyed Jungkook stands on the other side, eyes averted. The duvet you gave him wraps him like a shroud. It hangs over his head, hiding his ears, his hands clutching it tightly at his chest. He stares pointedly at his feet as he shuffles past you, and if it weren’t for your desperate need to pee you’d stop and talk to him. But that’s a conversation that can wait until you’ve made breakfast.

You finish in the bathroom as fast as possible and make your way to the kitchen, noticing how he sits curled up on the chair in the corner of your living room.

You pull out all the things you need to make pancakes and crank up the volume on an upbeat playlist; mostly songs Jungkook likes listening to in the mornings. “Jungkook, could you help me please?” you ask sweetly. “The strawberries and bananas need slicing.”

He perks up at that, ears twitching before his eyes dart over to you. He loves bananas, almost obsessively loves them. I knew that would work, you smile to yourself. Jungkook fiddles with the waistband of his pajamas and you try to forget the outline of his hardness straining against them. Try to forget how your skin flushed when he rocked it against you. You focus back on the batter, giving it an extra hard stir, making sure there’s no lumps in it. That’s the reason for you beating it so vigorously. No other reason.

You sigh, pinching yourself before switching on the burner on the stove.

Jungkook begins chopping fruit. Yes. You smile to yourself, watching him out of the corner of your eye as you work on two stacks of pancakes. The tension in the air between you two eases, and soon you’re both dancing to a song that Jungkook listens to often; its easy choreography something you developed together. The song changes into something new, something you’ve never heard before, but you sway your hips nevertheless as you ladle batter into the hot frying pan. Jungkook bounces from foot-to-foot, endlessly energetic as he works his way through half a bunch of bananas and the entire bowl of strawberries. He’s piling the chopped fruit up on plates when you push between him and the counter with a small, murmured excuse me. The step he takes back to allow you access isn’t quite big enough. Even then you don’t notice; so used to squeezing around one another in the modestly-sized kitchen as you are.

 Jungkook, however, notices.

Your ass slides firmly against him and he grips your hips almost painfully hard, pressing you into the counter.

“Ow! Jungkook, what are you—” Your question becomes a squeal of surprise when he buries his nose behind your ear and grinds his rapidly hardening cock into the cleft of your ass. Only two, flimsy layers of clothing separate you. 

“I need you so bad,” he growls as he rubs his nose through your hair, the underside of his chin skimming the column of your neck. You arch back into him, throwing your head back to expose more of your neck to him. You’re usually a lot more reserved with men—a lot—but something about Jungkook makes you want to be wild. Maybe it’s the way you feel so safe with him. His body is a solid presence against your back, his thrusting desperate and needy. Gone is the sweet, delicate Bun you’ve come to care about. He’s been replaced with someone who grips you, growls at you, and yet you still feel safe in his arms.

It’s Jungkook. He’d never hurt you.

You groan, something between a whine and a whimper being ripped from the back of your throat as he rubs himself against you. Then, suddenly - unwelcomely - cold air hits your back. 

Jungkook has torn himself from you for a second time. 

You turn but he’s not behind you. Spinning in place, you see a fluffy tail vanishing around a cabinet and a pair of light grey pajamas left in its wake. You follow fast enough to watch him hightail it out of the kitchen and across the living room, straight under the chair in the corner. He never sits in it as a human, preferring to sit next to you on the sofa, but it’s his favourite place to hide as a bunny.

You crouch, peeking under the chair, trying to coax him out.

“I’m sorry, Jungkookie. Come out and talk to me, please?” you beg to the huddled mass of fur under the chair. He stays where he is, shifting in a way you know means he’s settling in for the long haul. You stand up, running to turn off the stove before dashing to your bedroom and throwing on some clothes. After grabbing your bag, you check under the chair again. Jungkook is still there. “I’ll be right back, okay?” you tell him, before rushing out the door.

You all but run out of your apartment building, dodging people on the street as you head to the florist a block and a half away to get a custom bouquet made. It’s ugly as hell, but it’s not supposed to be for looking at. All of the flowers are suitable for rabbits to eat, and you get triple the ones you know Jungkook is particularly fond of.

You rush back to your apartment on a sliver of energy, taking extra care to preserve your gift, but the whole journey takes you less than twenty minutes. You discard your shoes and bag by the door and head straight for the chair, placing your peace offering on the floor before it.

“I have a gift for you,” you say, pulling a white hibiscus from the bouquet and presenting it to him. “Please come out and talk to me, Bun.” You watch as Jungkook hops forward, unable to resist the pull of his favourite flower. You untie the haphazard collection of flowers and lay them out on the decorative wrapping paper for him. It does the trick and draws him out from under the chair. You hold your hand out to him carefully, letting him come to you on his own terms. Jungkook devours a rosebud and hops forward, bumping your hand with his nose. You sigh, tension you didn’t know was building melting from your shoulders.

Somewhat placated, you head back to the kitchen. The pancakes are now cold but nothing that can’t be reheated. You store his breakfast in the fridge and slip a couple bits of banana onto the paper with the flowers. Jungkook leaps at them, devouring them with relish before following you into the kitchen and circling your chair as you eat your pancakes. He reaches up, nudging your foot to get your attention. And by attention, he wants more bananas.

Once you’re all done with breakfast, you move to the living room. There are several episodes of a TV show you and Jungkook have been watching together that you need to catch up on, and that’s your usual plan for the weekend. Jungkook, however, has other plans. He jumps into your lap, purposefully knocking the remote out of your hand. You tangle your fingers through his fur and feel him shudder under your touch.

“Do you want to tell me what's wrong now?” you ask softly, thumb rubbing soothing circles between his eyes. Beneath your hand, Jungkook transforms. He curls in on himself, doing his best to obscure his nudity, and buries his head in your stomach. You run a hand down his back and find his skin is clammy and feverish. “Oh my god, are you sick? Bun, you’re burning up!” you exclaim, panic injected into your tone.

“I’m going into heat. It’s why I keep—why I keep—” His voice is high-pitched and strained again.

“Why you keep rubbing against me?” you finish for him, raking your nails through his long locks. His ears and tail twitch and Jungkook whines. Nodding, he curls in on himself tighter. “You need a partner,” you say matter-of-factly, but he shakes his head in disagreement.

“No. I don’t need a partner...” he says simply, the implication left hanging. You move his ear carefully, brushing his hair from his face and cupping it with one hand. Your thumb strokes his cheekbone until his tightly-clenched eyes open.

 “Then, tell me what you want,” you whisper. His eyes narrow like he’s assessing you. Assessing the full implication of your words and trying to decide how to answer you.

 “Normally I’d mate with someone in a nest—” Jungkook starts before he’s racked by shudders. He buries his face in your stomach again and whines.

 “My bed,” you offer. “You can build a nest there if you need to.”

He shoots upward at your words, watching your face carefully. “But—” His eyes are wide, mouth agape as he draws the logical conclusion but not daring to hope. “--where will you sleep?” He asks as though he is scared of the answer.

 You carefully brush his hair back from his face, thumbing over a floppy ear. “I c-can—“ you stutter, before taking a deep breath. “I’ll figure something out.” You lean forward, pressing your forehead to his. Your lips are so close like this, close enough to brush against each other as you speak. It’s not quite a kiss, but your intention is clear. “If you need anything—if you want anything...” You trail off. 

 Jungkook wastes no time. He sits up and crawls into your lap, his bare, muscular thighs straddling yours as he kisses you deeply. His hands, no longer rough, cup your face delicately as though he can’t believe he’s been gifted something so precious. Even as his naked hips roll against your stomach.

 “Iwantyouwantyouwantyou. Need you,” he chants between kisses.

 And in an act of madness - or perhaps sanity - you give yourself to him completely.

Next Chapter

[hummingbird-of-light]

Semper Meus

Part 45

Scotty

Scotty loved the Roylan mansion. It was one of the most gorgeous places he had ever seen in his life. When Keenser had first shown it to him some years ago, he hadn’t believed his eyes. But his colleague didn’t like to make a fuss about it. He didn’t feel like he belonged to an old money family. He was more of a working man.

“This garden is beautiful! Will you marry out here?”

Leah looked around in awe and Scotty chuckled. His love’s idea had been great to lift up her spirit. She was more and more like her usual self.

“No, we chose to do it inside in one of the ballrooms,” Scotty answered and Leah spun around to face him.

“A ballroom?!”

This was all so exciting for her. Scotty chuckled and raised his finger to correct her.

“One of the ballrooms.”

A smile brightened up Leah’s face as she looked back at the mansion.

“Show me!”

They finished their tour of the garden and when they got inside, they could smell freshly cooked tea.

“Mrs. Roylan, I thought we agreed on-“

Leonard didn’t get to finish his sentence. The old woman already grabbed him by his arm and walked him over to the living room’s couch.

“No, no, no Leonard. You just have to stay for a while. You can’t come all the way only to look at this old house.”

Scotty and Leah exchanged a grin and sat down on the other couch.

“It really is a beautiful mansion,” Leah said once again and Mrs. Roylan smiled happily.

“Thank you once again, young lady. Have some tea, will you?”

She poured in some hot tea for all of them before she got up again.

“Oh my! I forgot the biscuits!”

“Mrs. Roylan, you don’t-“ Leonard started, but it was too late.

“Aaand she’s already gone. Man, I love that lady,” Leah laughed and took a sip of her tea.

Leonard sighed and grabbed his own cup.

“Here we go. Can’t let you leave my house hungry.”

Mrs. Roylan returned with a plate with various cookies and pastries and placed it on the table.

“Thanks ma’am.”

“Eat, eat, please.”

They didn’t have a choice. No one could say no to an old friendly lady like Mrs. Roylan.

“So… do you live here all by yourself?” Leah carefully asked.

Mrs. Roylan smiled softly and nodded.

“I do. My husband passed away four years ago. People told me that I should sell the mansion, move into one of these nice retirement homes. But I couldn’t do this. This is my home. It always has been.”

She took a sip of her tea.

“I don’t have staff even though all my friends advise me to. Once a week a nice girl comes to clean but for the rest I take care of myself.”

Scotty really admired her. She was a respectable woman who was selfless and friendly. Nothing seemed to pull her down.

“Sometimes it gets lonely… but I wouldn’t ask of anyone to live here with me. Especially not my son. He has his own life.”

They all nodded, understandingly.

“You are really brave ma’am.”

Mrs. Roylan just chuckled at hearing Leah’s words.

“Well, I try to stay independent as long as I can.”

She took a bite of one of the biscuits before sighing happily.

“But I’m just so delighted for all of you to come visit this place for the wedding.”

Part 46

McCoy

“As often as you need, don’t you forget!” Mrs. Roylan called after them as they made their way down the front steps to the car.

“Yes ma’am,” Leah waved back.

“Oh my,” Leah said once they were in the car.

McCoy looked over at Scotty and they laughed.

“I don’t know which was more exciting; the mansion or the owner,” Leah laughed.

“They’re good people,” Scotty said.

“Yes,” Leah agreed.

“How about an afternoon down at the pier?” McCoy asked, heading the car back towards the city.

“That’s an idea mo ghràdh,” Scotty agreed. “What do ye say lassie? Go watch the sea lions lounge about?”

“Sure. Probably better than watching you two lounge about.”

“Hey!” cried McCoy.

It was a happy tired trio who made their way into the house late that afternoon.

“Dinner?” McCoy asked as he fell into a chair in the living room.

“Mmph,” Leah grunted as she sat on the couch.

“Whatever you two want,” Scotty said from the couch.

“Pizza?” Leah suggested.

“Fine with me. I’ll go order,” McCoy said, pushing up from his chair.

McCoy stood for a moment in the kitchen after calling the pizza place. Scotty and Leah were laughing. He smiled. They had made a great day of it and Leah seemed in better spirits than she had been that morning. He hoped for her sake that she and Jacob could make something work if that’s what they wanted.

He returned to the living room and sat down with Scotty on the couch. Leah was gone, but reappeared in a minute with her sketchbook.

“What are you going to draw?” McCoy asked his sister.

“The sea lions maybe. Or the Roylan garden. It was so beautiful. I can’t believe you guys chose a ballroom over that.”

“Aye,” Scotty agreed. “But the ballroom will be a guarantee against bad weather. No one wants to sit through a foggy, damp wedding.”

“True,” Leah agreed. “At least you can save on flowers by cutting some from there.” Leah suddenly grinned. “Did you get your lovey dovey vows written yet, Lenny Boy?”

McCoy rolled his eyes at Leah’s mocking tone.

“As a matter of fact I did,” he stated.

“Ye did?” “Really?” Scotty and Leah spoke at the same time.

“Yep.”

“When?” Leah asked.

“Last week at work, I finished them up. Chris looked them over for me.”

“Can I read them?” Leah asked.

McCoy scoffed. “No.”

“Fine. What about you Scotty?”

McCoy felt Scotty shift on the couch next to him.

“I’m… I’m working on them.”

Leah grinned at him. “You need any embarrassing stories, you feel free to ask.”

[spade-riddles]

I have been super busy lately, and that is primarily why I have been on here so little of late. But, today is an off day, and I realized that I was struggling to want to get on Tumblr. Not because of you guys, but because I am so tired of their PR games.

I am up to speed enough on the generalities of what has been going the past couple of weeks. Here are a few of my thoughts:

The child that Karlie is parading around in her pap walks and the latest IG posts (the one that Jerk is holding) is not her child. I suspect it is either Mikey's child with his beard, or that Jerk and Mikey had another child via an unknown surrogate. If they did have a child then his name is likely Levi.

"Every bait and switch was a work of art"

There is no way Taylor is letting 'him' anywhere near her child.

One thing I used to really respect about Karlie years ago is how she would avoid outright lying. She never wanted to talk about Jerk, and she would do her best to deflect questions. The past couple of years she has become brazen, and, candidly, after four years of non-stop lies coming from the orange idiot in the White House, can she just not publicly lie for a single week?! Seriously? Are the contract(s) really worth her soul?

I completely sympathize with bearding. Our society sucks in so many ways. But, what Karlie and Taylor are doing right now is so far beyond creating a heterosexual image for themselves.

PSA to the young people out there: It is OK to be gay. If you want to follow two amazing women, follow Ashlyn Harris and Ali Krieger ... and their adorable baby, Sloane Phillips. I started following them on Instagram and they put a smile on my face every day.

I am resigned to the fact that Taylor has long valued her Toe and/or heterosexual narrative supporting fans over us. It is a business decision. She thinks that there are more of them than us, so that is where the money is to be made. Although, I truly wonder if that is how it would actually play out if she had come out. I was personally drawn to Taylor for the first time with the release of 1989 (I loved the 80's pop sound). Within weeks I heard the Kaylor rumors, and I was like, 'oh. She is more interesting than I realized.' I started to research this Taylor Swift, who I previously had given little thought to besides listening to her songs on the radio. I saw how smart and savvy she was. I loved her independent, girl power 1989 era. I strongly suspect I would never have dove down the rabbit hole if she had been parading around with some male actor when 1989 was released. But, I do understand her financial fear. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Speaking of money ... can someone explain how Karlie thinks it is financially beneficial to her Adidas sales to parade Jerk around during promotion time? Her primary fans are Kaylor fans and KWK participants at this point. Does she really think his presence is going to help? And, is she so tone deaf about what his family has done to our country that she thinks her target market will want to support someone associated with Kushners??? The minute I saw him, I said, 'no free promo from me.' I also saw social media posts say, 'there goes a sale from me'. Karlie, friendly reminder that over 500,000 Americans have died from Covid due to your 'brother-in-law's' intentional cruelty.

Also ... I said to a mutual yesterday ... 'imagine Karlie's sales numbers if Taylor and Karlie never pushed the feud narrative.' Like I said, I understand Taylor's calculations from a business perspective, but Karlie's seem like self-sabotage.

The false credit that Taylor gave to Toe on evermore and folklore, as well as the ridiculous fake Grammy award, has also taken the wind out of my sails. No girl power here whatsoever ... just caving to outdated societal norms that women need men to succeed. I think of the respect that she had garnered from the music industry with her fight for her music and for artist rights, how so many top artists joined her on stage during the 1989 era .... and, I shake my head. I cannot imagine the cringe (and anger) that legitimate artists felt toward her when they saw her lie about his contributions, and let those lies earn him a fake Grammy. Seriously ... who is this Taylor? Clearly I am missing something, but I do not recognize her as the person I fell for.

Several of you have sent in asks about ♠️. I am as perplexed as you are as to why they led us to believe that good things were coming for us, when the exact opposite happened. Yes, they are legit. I can vouch for that over and over. But, I do not understand the false hope.

tl;dr: I am tired.

[loveyourlovelysoul]

I grew up in a family in which fights, anger, money and control issues were the normality of things. Being an empath, I used to pick up everyone's moods, and make it mine. It made me independent from a young age, it made me try to parent my own caregivers, and very intuitive about their needs. But it also made me very shy and scared to open up my mouth, especially cause of the angry reactions and the various "no's" I used to get for whatever thing I said or asked for (never really asked for much, and eventually I ended up not asking for anything anymore). Everytime my parents yelled, I used to run under a table. Same used to happen whenever I heard thunders: those big noisy booms triggered me a lot (and they still do a bit nowadays); and also whenever I used to pass near an under-construction house: pneumatic drills made me close my eyes constantly and need to get away from there.

I always played down myself, shut up, and never made a step in a different direction from what was expected from me: in school I studied a lot and searched for my family's validation like that. Them praising me was making them happy, so they couldn't really fight if they were feeling happy, right? Yeah, that was my mind's plan playing inside of me, even if I wasn't very aware of the whole process. But that was all so wrong. I didn't know ofc, how could I have known about all this? It was the normality of things. It was okay. I started being the family clown to make others happy and reduce the fights. But all this stopped my own personal and emotional growth as well. I started isolating myself, not having real friends, focusing on studying a lot and overthinking. I used to do better with far away friends: easier to say no when you are asked to join them for an evening, plus you don't have to continuosly meet up or text them. I ended up not having a plan, not having a secure road, being insecure about who I was and what I wanted. I tried so many different roads, following my hundred nerdy passions, but any of them was fullfilling me completely. I only rejoiced whenever I was being of help for someone. Even just listening to them. I couldnt work on myself this way, I was too focus on others, and I couldn't really understand what was happening to me.

I let many use me, and then disappear. I let many take the best of me. But I came to a point in which I had to stop and focus on myself, my life, my own perception of things. Understand my feelings and the reasons behind them. Learn that many things I went through weren't as they are supposed to be. that I had to heal myself, take care of myself: cause if I hadn't, who would have? I understood that if I wanted to have better relationships with others, I had to change myself, give my self more respect and show up for myself. I had to heal my wounds, not to give them to others: we all have our own, we cannot expect others to heal us too. I had to be bold, to be myself. Be aware of my goods but also my bads. And not be scared to do something different, or say something different: we're all different anyway. The problem is not our diversity but the lack of respect we have for this diversity, be it mental or physical. We are all equally on this planet, learning, living and sometimes surviving cause life is hard for everyone; and that's what we should focus on.

So whenever I ask you to take care of yourself and your wounds, to give yourself the same amount of respect and love, is because I know where it tkes you the lack of it. You cannot renounce to live and enjoy your life just because of your life experience, your wounds, your fears. that's not right. You're here to live, not just to be in pain. that's not what it is all about. There's good too, I promise you. And I promise that to myself as well.

[thran-duils]

I Crave Annihilation

Title: I Crave Annihilation Summary:  Fem!Reader x Mafia!Dark Tony Stark. Tony works for the reader’s very influential politician father moving guns and drugs. She starts flirting with him and he is returning the vibes. She moves into her own place out of her parent’s house and texts him to come save her from a house party. Smut ensues. Words: 3,310 Warnings (for the fic in entirety): Smut, HUGE age difference, angst, violence, infidelity, possessive behavior Author’s Note: You know when things just pour out of you and you go with it? Yeah. Me too. This is that. I’m thinking this might just be a one shot like my Petal Castiel fic. Song inspo for this.

Part Two || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

Are you busy?

You pressed send on the text to Tony, leaning on the wall. Your eyes moved across the kitchen, wandering over everyone taking shots, playing beer pong. You spotted someone bringing in the pizza that had been ordered and you jumped to acting, coming right up to them. The girl smiled and put it on the counter. She was cute – her name was Rihanna, you thought -- but you knew she had a girlfriend here; you had talked to them earlier briefly out on the patio while you shared a cigarette.

“Preference?”

“Veggie?”

“No, sorry,” she shook her head. “There’s cheese, pepperoni, and meat lovers. So, the complete opposite of what you’re looking for. Are you vegetarian?”

“No, I just was craving it. I’ll take pepperoni.”

She dug through the boxes, the crowd around the pair of you growing at all the other drunk party goers. She made an aha sound, finding it on the bottom and pushed the box towards you. You grabbed a piece and sunk your teeth into it.

You snuck your way through the group and leaned back against the counter, pulling out your phone. He had already texted back, much to your amusement.

Not particularly. Why?

So, he had saved your number. That was a great sign. Your heart was starting to beat faster with anticipation. Taking another big bite, you savored it and swallowed. You wanted something in your stomach instead of the jungle juice and multiple types of potato chips you had been ingesting for the last couple hours. You ate the piece quickly, eyeing the group, thinking you should have grabbed a second piece. But maybe you could convince Tony to stop somewhere if he could come get you. You had had a ride home, but she had started rifling shots when her crush showed up.

My DD isn’t a DD anymore.

You hoped he would show up with that invitation.

<><><>

Tony and you had been flirting for a long while, playfully at first and had gotten more bold as time went on. But it had to be kept under wraps, nothing real or physical, since he worked for your dad. He had patched over from another part of the mafia when they had merged a years ago, coming closer to your city to work with the crew here.

The first time the new guys showed up at your dad’s house with the veterans of the area, it was relatively late at night. Your father was a politician, a powerful one. You had been swimming in the pool and they had come through the gate to go towards the guest house to have a meeting. You surfaced hearing voices as you did laps.

“Don’t mind us, keep going, sweetie,” your father had told you as he walked by.

“Hey, Y/N,” Christian, the president of their faction said as he passed you.

“Hi,” you told him in response, coming to the edge of the pool. “You still owe me that $10!”

He stopped and turned around, a wide smile on his face. You had challenged him to pool last weekend and he had been so drunk he had forgotten to pay you when you won. He walked back towards you as the other mafia walked in, pulling out his wallet.

“You’re just like your father. Won’t forget a cent.” You shrugged as he pulled out a ten. “Want me to leave it on your towel?”

“That works,” you said just as you caught sight of new faces following in.

They all were looking at you and you knew if they knew you were your father’s daughter, they would not be staring so abashedly to not offend him. You were only 19, your 20th coming up soon. One in particular though, he was not taking his eyes off of you as he walked by. You locked eyes with him, a small smirk playing on your lips. He was handsome, terribly so. You did not back away from his lascivious look, meeting him in intensity.

“Hey!” Christian snapped his fingers at the guys, noticing them all staring. “Show my niece some respect! You bunch of lechers!” He was not really your uncle, but he might as well be. He tossed the ten onto your towel and said, “Watch out for these assholes. They’re a bunch of pricks.”

“Will do,” you vowed, crossing your heart. “I’ve got you to protect me anyhow.”

“You’re damn right,” Christian responded, laughing before turning and walking off with the group.

The same man though looked back, finding you still looking. You blushed despite yourself before averting your eyes and moving back away from the wall to continue your laps.

After that, he had come to the house a handful of times and every time the two of you had shared flirtatious looks, sharing sparse words to introduce yourselves. He was far older than you, early forties. At least twice your age but you did not care. He was dangerous and you liked that. And he was single as far as you could tell.

At a late-night soiree, you had come home, finding them all drunk in the back yard, which was a risk for your father, but he was not one known to always heed caution by being tied to this mafia openly. Especially when he got a few drinks in him. There were card games going on, some of the mafia swimming in the pool.

Tony had looked up from the patio, sitting at one of the tables, seeing you inside speaking to one of his guys, Thor. Thor was a flirt, but he was harmless, holding out a shot to you. You had spotted Tony noticing you moments before and you shrugged, taking the shot from him. You were still underage, but your dad let you indulge, especially if it was at home. And around people he could trust, his mafia. No harm would come to you here, so you were not worried about him catching you.

The two of you took the shot and you did your best to not grimace because it was scotch.

“Took it like a champ,” Thor complimented, a wide smile on his face.

“You mind finding me a chaser?” you choked out.

He laughed in response and said, “Sure.”

Thor left you and you took a deep breath, trying to swallow the taste of the scotch. It really was nasty stuff. You turned your head and found Tony blatantly staring at you from outside on the porch.

You moved outside and came up to him, eyeing the cigarette in his hand, hanging by his side. He breathed out some smoke and you held out your hand expectantly.

His lips twitched in amusement and he held it up to you. You took it from him, wrapping your lips around it sensually, keeping eye contact. You took a deep breath in before pulling it out. Your lipstick was lining the cigarette. You exhaled slowly; eyes still locked. He looked damn good in the white button up he was wearing, tight black jeans.

“Does your dad know you smoke?” Tony inquired.

You shrugged, “It’s a social habit.”

Tony did smirk then, and you took another drag before handing it back to him. He wrapped his lips around it, and you smiled seeing your lipstick mark disappear into his mouth.

“And I’m sure you can keep it a secret,” you added, putting your hands behind your back, exposing your breasts more in your small tank top. He did not refrain from looking down briefly.

“Sure, precious,” he responded, and your stomach fluttered at the pet name. You loved his attention far too much for your own good.

You held out your hand and he went to hand you the cigarette again and you shook your head, causing him to stall. He narrowed his eyes curiously and you said, “Your phone.” He rose a brow now and you explained, “If I’m having a secret keeper, I might need to call them for help sometime, right?”

Tony ground his teeth for a moment, giving you a scrutinizing look. He looked hesitant; no doubt thinking about what your father would do if he knew how much the two of you were flirting. You flexed your fingers quickly, gesturing for him to hand it over. That broke him.

He sucked his bottom lip in, reaching into his pocket and handing his phone over to you. You flipped through it, finding his messages and sending yourself a text with a winky face.

“That’s naughty of you. What if your dad saw that?” Tony asked the moment he saw the text you had sent.

“Well, do what you just promised me. Keep secrets,” you responded, giving him a wink before turning away from him and walking back into the house, leaving him on the patio.

<><><>

Things had not progressed far from then because you had moved out of the house after getting accepted into a nearby university quickly afterward. You just wanted to be away from the house, have some independence, and you were willing to take on the money needed to live in an apartment. You had not seen him because of this, you had roommates and how could you explain a forty some year-old man coming over. But you found yourself thinking about him a lot recently in the months since you had moved out. He had not texted you and you thought maybe he thought you were silly and had just been a small distraction for him. That hurt and you hated thinking about that. When your friends went for hookups, you turned down guys who had come onto you, not interested.

You wanted him. There was something about him that drew you like a moth to flame.

You need a ride?

Yes, please.

What’s the address?

He was being cordial, probably in case someone happened to see the text conversation. You hoped that would stop the moment you got in the car. You managed to swipe another piece of pizza – no stopping on the way home now – but also got pressured into drinking another cup of jungle juice., Thankfully, you were able to toss half of the cup into the sink and you left the empty cup on the counter. You were not going to risk leaving a half cup where any of the frat boys could come by and drug it, waiting for a poor girl to come pick it up.

When he texted he was outside, you told your friend you had a ride and she had protested, wanting you to stay. You told her she was too drunk and that your other roommate was going to hang out with her. She asked who was picking you up and you said a friend before pulling away from her.

You got into his Lexus, collapsing back into the seat. He was watching you closely and you turned your head to look at him, smiling. “Thank you so much. It was so loud in there.”

“You’re telling me,” he said eyeing the house. “I’ll be surprised if the cops don’t stop by before 11pm. You can hear it out here.”

Trying to pretend like you could not see him running his eyes over your body – you had worn a black lace top over a black bra and a burgundy bandage skirt – you sat up straighter, giving an even clearer view of your tits.

“Yeah, well, good thing I’m dipping out then. Don’t need an MIP on my record. Not right before my 21st birthday.”

Tony snorted as he pulled away from the curb, taking off down the street.

“Seriously, it’s next month.”

“I know,” Tony chuckled.

You smiled and giggled, “You know my birthday?”

It was his turn to smile over at you. “Of course. How could I forget that 20th birthday? You looked perfect in that dress. I couldn’t stop looking at those photos.”

Your stomach was in knots hearing that. He had been looking at your social media. And for how long? Apparently for a long while. You wondered how often he was looking at the photos… and what he had been doing while he was looking at them. You could not help your mind going to dirty places, thinking of his hand wrapped around his cock, jerking himself off to you. That is sure as hell what he was insinuating. Maybe this was not such a good idea…

Tony’s hand slid across over to your thigh, gripping, erasing any doubt about where the night was heading. You let him, relaxing into the seat as best as you could, listening to the music.

You had instigated this, what was happening right now. So, why did you feel so nervous? You tried to fight off the feelings of doubt that were incoming hard the closer the two of you got to your apartment – you had not given him the address. But he knew where to go. That was a huge red flag, only compounding your nervousness.

His phone rang and he looked down at the middle console where it was resting. You saw Steve’s name popping up and you asked, “Should you answer that?”

“No,” Tony shook his head.

The call went to voicemail.

A few minutes later, the phone started ringing again. This time it was Thor. You narrowed your eyes, shooting him a look. You saw he saw the phone and you were wondering why he was not reacting.

“Maybe they need to talk to you?” you said carefully.

Maybe distracting him with work would stop what was coming at you like a freight train. You had dreamed about this for months but now that it was happening, you were just teetering on panic. He was so much older than you and he worked for your dad. What would happen if it ever came to light the two of you had sex? And what happened past this?

“He can get anyone to help them. Not everyone gets to be here with you, precious. You actually wanna turn it off for me?” He asked, nodding at the phone that had gone silent now.

“Are you sure?” you asked, staring at him.

“Yes,” Tony said more firmly. You reached down, picking the phone up and turning it off against your better judgment. Maybe you should have pressed it more but that was passed now. You placed it back down in the middle console and he winked, “Thanks, doll.”

He was at your back as you walked into the dark apartment, and you flipped on the kitchen light before kicking your shoes off and then walked to the freezer. “Do you want a drink?”

When you turned around he was right there, ready to pounce. His lips were on yours immediately and he pressed you up against the counter, his hands roaming and digging in to hold you close.

“I’ll take that as a no,” you breathed out when he gave you the space to breathe.

“Where’s your room?” he husked, still kissing you, cupping your ass.

You were still having second thoughts about this, but it was already happening, him riled up. You guided him to your bedroom, his hands barely leaving you. Your clothes were stripped from you and he wasted no time undressing himself too in the process. You laid back down on the bed, him weighing you down. You kissed him back, matching his fervor. You had wanted this for so long and it was happening. You fell into that memory, thinking of how much he desired you. This powerful, handsome man wanted you. Yeah, you wanted that. You wanted his attention. You spread your legs for him, holding onto him as he entered.

His guttural moans as he pounded you into the mattress caused you to dig your nails into his back, trying to match the shallow pain he was inflicting on you to even the score. Tony was relentless, even as he slowed his thrusts, his teeth were digging in at the base of your neck, sucking roughly. His hand came down in between the two of you and he began circling your clit.

“Come for me, precious. Come on,” he encouraged roughly, leaving bruising kisses along your jaw.

You whimpered feeling the coil in your stomach tightening as he massaged you towards release. That was new; no boy you had been with had even given a shit about you getting off. But he did. You were enjoying this, his regard for your orgasm.

He was skilled that was for damn sure and sooner rather than later, your legs shook, sharp, broken cries leaving your lips. He groaned loudly, his hand leaving your clit and he resumed a brutal pace as you clenched around him.

He let go in warm spurts, coating your walls. You were limp there, letting him use you like a doll as he finished himself. His head fell limp as well, his breath hot on your neck.

Tony laid a soft kiss at the base of your neck and you flinched slightly at the contact. It was where there was sure going to be a hickey tomorrow. He chuckled lightly and laid another soft kiss on your jaw before meeting your lips, pulling you towards him.

“Sorry about that,” he whispered. “Got a little caught up.”

Licking your lips, you asked timidly, “It was okay?”

Tony pulled away, looking down at you, his brow stitched, taking in your bashful face.

“’Okay’? You did perfect. So good,” Tony purred, and you felt warmth at his praise. He leaned back down, kissing you again, harder this time. “So fucking good, precious. You are a marvel.”

Maybe it had not been a mistake, you thought to yourself. He was holding you close, pinning you against him protectively.

<><><>

Tony got back in his car, pulling his phone out and turning it back on. He saw there were a lot of missed calls from Steve and Thor. Rolling his eyes, he pressed call back to Steve.

“What the fuck? Why weren’t you answering your phone?” Steve answered his phone, pissed off.

“I was busy,” Tony told him dryly.

“’Busy’. What the fuck are you playing at?”

Only hesitating for a moment before deciding eh could trust Steve, since Steve knew about their games, Tony answered, “Y/N. Picked her up from a party and gave her a ride home.”

Steve was quiet for a moment and Tony leaned back in the seat as he let that information settle in with him.

Steve finally scoffed, “Man, you better have been getting your dick sucked.”

“I got one better. If I could describe to you how tight she was, I would,” Tony said lewdly, looking back up at her dark bedroom window. He had left her in bed. She had been so cute, worried she had not done well. If he was not worried about all the phone calls he had been receiving before he turned his phone off to make sure he got to bury his dick in her tonight, he would have waited to go for round two. That would have to wait though. He was certainly coming back to collect on that. He could already tell he had her wrapped around his finger.

That actually drew a laugh from Steve, and he said more quietly, “You’re forgiven, you prick. But you’re gonna need to make up an excuse because Damien is going to want an answer. We had a shipment come in and you weren’t here.”

“You mean I can’t just tell him I was busy banging his daughter?” Tony asked sarcastically.

“I wouldn’t and I would advise you not to because I need your dumbass,” Steve retorted but Tony could tell he was smiling.

“Duly noted. I’ll think of something,” Tony said before hanging up the phone.

~~~

Forever tags: @coconutqueen21 @undecidedsworld

[ijustwant2write]

Watch Your Words-Arthur Shelby x Shelby!Daughter!Reader

(GIF credit to @paulinska44stark)

Tags: @captivatedbycillianmurphy @jenepleurepasbaby @amirahiddleston @bloodorangemoonlight @haphazardhufflepuff @mzcrazy2

Masterlist

Prompt List

Requested by anonymous: 'can you do a arthur shelby one where the reader is his daughter (16-17) and they get into argument and he says something he doesn't mean and she runs off and everyone starts to get worried when they cant find her but she with bonnie or Isaiah and Arthur finds her and they talk and he apologizes and they make up'

Characters: Arthur Shelby x Shelby!Daughter!Reader, Isaiah Jesus x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Alcohol abuse/drunkenness, neglect, swearing, crying, fluff

                                       *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I moaned as I stirred that morning, hating how little sleep I had got. My father had been out once again, stumbling in at who knows what time, not keeping quiet and sounding like he was having a fight with himself downstairs. It wasn't unusual for him to drink this much, he used to do it a lot more, and I thought it had stopped for a while; the company was doing well, there hadn't been as much trouble recently, my father had been more present in my life. However, I watched it all crumble before me, returning to nights by myself, cooking for one, not having anyone to talk to.

Before heading downstairs, I peeked into my dad's room, wondering if he had made it upstairs. I was wrong, hoping that he was sprawled out on the sofa. Again, I made the mistake of thinking he wasn't that drunk, finding him lying down on the kitchen floor, two of the chairs from the dining table knocked over, as well as smashed glass surrounding it.

Sighing, I brushed some pieces of glass away from his head, hoping he would want to head to bed as soon as he woke up. Dad was on his back, head tilted to the right as he lightly snored. His coat had been in the hallway, along with his hat, but he had failed to take his jacket off, it was half way down his arms.

"Dad," I quietly said, shaking him lightly,"dad!"

He jolted awake, taking in a sharp breath, trying to figure out where he was. When he saw me, he groaned, wiping a hand over his face. Helping him sit up, I prayed that he wouldn't be sick (I had dealt with that situation too many times), not saying anything yet as I didn't know what mood he was in.

"Fucking hell." his voice was raspy, still rough from the night before."Did I wake you up?"

"Last night you did. But it doesn't matter."

"Sorry love."

"It's alright." I lied, managing to sit him down in a chair."Do you think you can stomach something?"

"Nah."

I didn't press further, grabbing a broom and sweeping up the glass into a pile. He said nothing more. As I got rid of the glass, making sure there were no more pieces we could step on, I noticed his fist on the table clenching up.

"Dad? You OK?"

"Just thinking about last night." he mumbled.

"Anything you want to talk about?"

"Don't worry. It's not for your ears. Go on, go get dressed."

I did as he said, knowing he was particularly sensitive at this moment. It was quiet downstairs when I was getting ready, a blessing and a curse. He could be sat down gathering his senses, trying to sober up, or he could be working himself into a frenzy. It had happened before, and I was scared it could happen again. I loved my father, he had raised me well, considering that we were Shelby's. Though I supposed I had Aunt Polly and Aunt Ada to thank for that, not him. He had always tried to be around when I was younger, wanting his child to know her dad. But as I got older, when I could become more independent, that's when he realised he could have a bit more freedom, especially since the woman (my mother) he fucked wanted nothing to do with him, just to look after the child they created.

I returned to him once I was ready for the day, slowly stepping into the kitchen. My heart sunk at the sight of whiskey in his hands once again. How could someone drink so much and continue? I had been drunk before, and I didn't enjoy the headache the next day.

"Dad, did something happen last night?" I hesitantly asked, slowly walking towards him.

He scoffed."Some people don't understand what respect means. I'm Arthur fucking Shelby, I don't think twice about killing a man."

I hated when he spoke of killing. It was something I always pushed to the back of my mind.

"You would not believe what this woman said to me last night. She...she said...how the fuck did I end up with a daughter like you? How could my daughter, who apparently has the heart in an angel, look me in the face everyday and smile? Hm? Well go on then, answer her question!"

"Dad, she was just trying to win you up."

He took a swig of his drink, clumsily leaning back in his seat."No, no, she meant that! And I want to know too. Since you're so perfect, what are you doing in the Shelby family?"

I backed away, now pressed up against the wall opposite him."You're not making sense. Look, I'll cook us something to eat, it'll help with your headache."

"The only headache round here is you."

"What?"

"Don't know why your whore mother left you on my doorstep. I'm a killer, how would I know how to raise a child?"

"Just shut up dad, you're wasting your energy over this."

He shot up from his chair, causing it to hit the cabinets behind him."Don't you tell me what to do!" 

I flinched back, hitting my back and head on the wall. He had never hurt me, but there was a different rage in his eyes, and I was scared that this was the look his victims saw before he killed them. 

“When I fucked her, I was drunk, done a few lines, eh? I didn’t even know her name, but it didn’t matter. She might have been a prostitute, she might have been a woman at the club. But it didn’t matter.”

“Dad,” I sobbed, wondering if I should just run,“please stop talking like this.”

“I’ve slept with hundreds of women, never had a baby turn up though. But of course, just when things were going good for me, I got stuck with you. I had to spend money on you, feed you, dress you, shit, I had to make sure I knew what the fuck I was doing and be there for you. My fucking life went out of the window.”

I didn’t need to hear any more of this. Taking my chances, I darted towards the hallway, throwing open the door and running into the street. People on their way to work (or coming back from a long night out) watched as I sprinted past them, tears streaming down my face, despite the wind repeatedly drying them. I had heard my dad call for me, and I was sure he had fallen down trying to come after me. Stumbling into Charlie’s yard as I slowed down, I sighed with relief when I saw that no one was there. It seemed stupid to come here, when it was my family that owned it (and they were the people I wanted to be away from), but it was also somewhere I felt safe. Sniffling, I used one of my dress sleeves to wipe away the tears, now idly walking around the place. It was so dirty here, gloomy and dark; it reflected the mood at the moment.

Sitting down on a chair, that was terribly out of place, outside the stables, I leaned back, hating how the cold air hurt my lungs from running. My throat was recovering from being dry, but now there was a metallic taste in my saliva. It wasn’t lady-like to sit like this, but who gave a fuck? Coughing before spitting on the floor, I sunk deeper into the chair, legs spreading out to make it comfier.

“What’s little Miss Shelby doing all the way out here by herself?” I heard Isaiah call. However, the cocky smirk he held disappeared when he saw my teary face.“Shit, what’s happened?”

“My dad.” I sobbed, sitting up properly when he knelt in front of me.“He’s just drunk and...he said some things.”

“What things?”

“I don’t want to get you in trouble, Is.”

“Don’t worry about me.” Isaiah held on of my hands that was resting on my lap.“You’ve never been this upset before, he’s clearly said something that’s hurt you.”

“I’m tired of his habits Isaiah, he’s gone back to his old ways. I hate it! I don’t understand how he can go out almost every night and drink to that extent. He’s broken things in the house, he’s been sick, he’s fallen down the stairs, and yet it continues! And today, he said hurtful words to me. Told me how I was just the child of a whore, I was unwanted, he was basically saying he regrets taking me in when he could have easily given me to an orphanage!”

“Hey, calm down.” Isaiah kept his voice quiet.“He’s drunk, you know that. And that means he doesn’t mean those things.”

“They say that drunk words are your true thoughts.” I snapped.

“(Y/N), please listen to me.”

Reluctantly, I looked down at him, trying not to smile at the image of our hands interlocked.

“Your dad loves you far too much for his own good. He’s only ever loved his family, as in his brothers, sister and aunt, and that was just the normal. You were different. Yes, you weren’t planned, meaning he hadn’t prepared himself to welcome yet another person in his life.And he had to throw himself into parenthood, had to realise he was looking after a child. It was like going cold turkey for him. Now I’m not excusing his words or actions from earlier, he shouldn’t have ever said such things to you. But he worries, he worries because he loves you so much that he doesn’t even understand it himself.”

“I know that deep down...it just hurt. And I’m scared that he’s going to keep doing this to himself.”

He sighed, standing up, tugging on my hand.“Let’s go. We don’t need to be in this sad place.”

I slightly smiled, still holding his hand as I stood. However, he let go, taking off his coat and putting it on me. Luckily I was just tall enough for it to not drag on the floor, otherwise I would have dragged it through mud. He made his usual cheeky remark about it ‘looking better on me’, causing me to roll my eyes but laugh all the same. He distracted me as we walked, trying to steer the topic away from family matters.

"Isaiah, do you want kids?" I randomly asked.

He chuckled."Was that an offer?"

I shoved him away from me, causing us to laugh."You know what I meant you prick."

"Yeah, I do. It's still early days for me, especially since I'm doing a lot more for the boss and all that. But once I find my girl, I'll want to have my own family."

"That's very sweet of you Is. I can see you being a father, and a good one at that. Once you grow up a bit that is."

"You're wanting a mature man then, eh (Y/N)?"

"Yeah, do you know of anybody?"

He pretended to think."Nah."

The dreadful feeling that had been stuck in the pit of my stomach was almost gone, until I saw my dad running around the streets, obviously looking for me. Poor people in the street were bombarded by questions, he was terrifying to them. When he saw Isaiah and me, he was relieved, taking long strides towards us. He didn't look angry anymore, but I was still wary, hoping Isaiah would stay beside me.

"(Y/N), (Y/N) love, I've been looking everywhere for you!" he exasperated, trying to catch his breath.

"She was down by Charlie's yard." Isaiah explained.

"Why didn't you find me straight away?"

I butted in before he got angry with Isaiah."I was upset, Isaiah cheered me up. I wouldnt have come back anyway."

"I'm sorry (Y/N). I really didn't mean anything that I said this morning. It was the alcohol, I swear!"

"You'll use this excuse for the next time too."

"There won't be a next time, I promise!"

"Dad, do you know how much you upset me today? You basically told me you didn't want me, you called my mother a whore. There were so many random things that came out of nowhere, and it was purely to hurt me because you were hurting."

"I know. A woman in the bat last night reminded me of how your mother was, or at least I think she did. She made the same comments, saying that I didn't deserve to have such a lovely, good hearted girl as a daughter."

"No, sometimes you don't. But you're lucky that I love up to that title, because I love you too much to let this get in the way of our relationship."

"I'm going to stop, I won't do that again!"

"You're not going to drink again?"

He hesitated."I...I mean-"

"Dad, I was joking. I'm not expecting you to quit drinking altogether, just don't drink as much. And not just because you say mean things, because you've hurt yourself in the past. And there's so many people who are after you."

"Alright love, I'll hold back. For you. Am I forgiven?"

"For now." I hugged him, still upset, but knowing that we had to move past this in order for him to get better."I'm going to stay with Isaiah today though. I feel like we should spend some time apart, for the rest of the day at least."

"Why with Isaiah?"

"Because he's my friend, and he's helped me take my mind off things. I'll see you later dad." I kissed his cheek before grabbing Isaiah's hand again, dragging him away.

"You know you're dad is going to kill me right?" Isaiah said once we were out of earshot.

"He won't. Not if he wants me coming back for dinner tonight."

"I'm going to lose you that soon?"

"You would be so lucky Isaiah."

[murderousginger]

She’s A God

Peaky blinder fic Tommy x reader

Masterlist

Warnings: Sass. Alcohol. They’re criminals guys, they do bad things.

Word count: 4,183

You often kept your head down at the office, typing up your work as a secretary in the Shelby Company Limited. You knew the kind of people you worked for and didn't want blue eyes interested in you unless it was an offhand comment on a good job on a task. 

One such pair of eyes passed you on the way to his office with a murmur of your name and the same as he passed Lizzie, whose desk was directly in front of his door. Tommy Shelby was very polite and quiet in the office, unlike his brothers.

"Good morning, Mr. Shelby," you said back as you ducked your head.

You dressed modestly in hopes to be overlooked, unlike some of the other women that were employed there. You would see their hungry eyes on Peaky men and the hope that they would catch attention. Sometimes they did. Moments spent in offices would occur before they were all but patted on the ass and sent back to their seats, their satisfied faces would turned back to their work. You never faulted those women but you weren't one for a tryst, especially one that could endanger you.

Today, you let your mind wander as you typed your work. Today, Tommy Shelby had placed invitations to his housewarming party on all of the desks in the office.

Everyone knew the Shelby family history like it was Small Heath lore.

From a young age, Tommy had decided he didn't believe in God. As a small boy with a hungry family, a dead mother, and a runaway father, he concluded pretty quickly that even if there was a God, he stopped stepping into Small Heath long before Tommy was born. 

Polly had taken the Shelby siblings in to raise when she was young and had a small family of her own. She ruled the house over the Shelby children and her own two with an iron voice and a quick hand. She worked while her husband drank away their money and she often put herself between him and the children when he decided to become violent. She had worked tirelessly to feed and clothe the kids, pushing them to get through as much schooling as they could in hopes for a better life. She stayed strong when her husband died, and fought to keep the kids and raise eight children by herself. She lost her children but managed to keep the Shelby's close.

She watched Tommy, Arthur and John work together to start the Peaky Blinders and provide protection for pay to Small Heath businesses. She sewed in the first razorblades into the boys caps, overseeing their attempts at replicating her work when they needed more for the neighborhood boys they recruited. 

She watched Arthur, then Tommy, then John, all enlist and leave for France, once bright boys with mischief in their eyes and dreams in their heads come back from war scarred, tempered, and broken. She hesitantly released the Peaky Blinders leadership to Tommy, slipping between soldier and advisor when it suited her. 

Everyone knew that Tommy Shelby might not have thought to fear God, but he feared his Aunt Polly. 

During your employment, you noticed that fear translated rather easily to respect of strong, intelligent women now he was an adult. It's not that Tommy disrespected women he didn't find intelligent, it was more that he shook them off once they lost their usefulness. Pretty women were to be looked at but rarely stayed around. Weak women were quickly discarded if they came around at all. The Shelby's were not known to be sensitive. But an intelligent woman? She was worth her weight in gold if she could be trusted.

Few outside of direct family were trusted. Wives -- if they lived long enough and proved helpful at family meetings -- and for a reason you did not understand, Lizzie Stark. 

You and Lizzie were friendly enough to each other. Not exactly best friends, but you would both take lunch together and enjoy each other's company from time to time. Too many women were jealous of Lizzie because of the moments she was called into Tommy's office and the shades were drawn. 

You pitied her. Not because of what she agreed to do with Tommy Shelby behind closed doors, but because you weren't sure the man had a heart that would ever open to a woman. You noticed the glances Lizzie would give him from time to time, and you felt for her. 

"Are you coming to Tommy's housewarming tonight?"

You jumped, shaken from the thoughts in your head, and saw Lizzie sitting on the edge of your desk looking down at you expectantly. 

"I'm not sure…" you trailed.

"Come with me, please!" Lizzie smiled, touching your shoulder. "It'll be a night of a free meal and flowing alcohol. We can take a car together. It'll be fun!"

"Are you not staying?" You immediately blushed as Lizzie shrunk back, her face pinched at the question. "No! Not like that. It's just… I wasn't sure if you would stay the night."

You tried to backtrack, to soften your question. 

"No, no, I know," Lizzie said with a soft smile as she shook off your comment. "I'm not staying. He's… not been visiting."

She let the comment hang before her eyes lit up again and she grabbed your hand.

"Though we both could stay. He's got plenty of rooms and offered refuge for anyone that comes and has a little too much fun."

"I'm not sure…" you looked back at your work and then back to Lizzie. 

"Have a little fun once in your life," she goaded. "You're always so serious and proper. Relax a little."

"I guess if it's one night," you said, nervously eyeing your work. You let go of her and resumed typing. Lizzie laughed and got off of the corner of your desk, pointing to you.

"Wear a nice dress," she said. "I'll be in a car to get you this evening. We'll go together. It'll be fun." 

You smiled and nodded. It wasn't that you didn't want to have fun. You were just wound up tighter than most. And although you lived in Small Heath your entire life, the Blinders were something you were leery of. 

You were used to being overlooked. You were comfortable that way. You weren't looking for attention and definitely didn't want it from men that were known to be dangerous. They might not be violent toward women on the streets but there were plenty of beaten wives behind closed doors in Birmingham and you wanted no part. You cared little for a husband. Your goal was independence. 

You took this job to remove yourself from your father's household. After years of him coming back from the factory or more typically The Garrison to beat you and your mother, you finally had enough. After a short time of saving, you bought board at a house and began to save what you could toward your own cottage. These were modern times and you put everything into being a modern woman. 

But one night wouldn't hurt your plans, and you had an idea on exactly which dress to wear.

----

You went home a mix between excited and worried. Your head raced with thoughts of who all would come, what would be served, would you catch someone's eye? Did you want to? How many blinders would be mixed into the crowd? Would it be dangerous? What if it was boring?

You smoothed your dress as you looked into the mirror and assessed your reflection. The flowy sage dress was covered in antique gold lace and made you feel divine. The green silk fabric made up the shift and the delicate lace covered the green fabric and your arms with sheer long sleeves. The dress itself stopped halfway up your calves, leaving a little skin and plenty of space to see your simple heels.

You had coveted it the moment you saw it in the window and bought it against your better judgement. One nice thing wouldn't hurt the goal of a cottage, you reasoned at the time. It was the nicest dress you had ever owned and now you had a reason to wear it. 

Lizzie arrived in a car outside your building and all but pulled you out of your door when you answered it, laughing as you fought back to close the door behind you. 

"Come on, (Y/N)," she laughed. "We can't be late. All the fun will be over."

You giggled as you both stumbled down your stairs and toward the car. You gawked at how short Lizzie's burgundy dress was, nearly above her knee, when you both sat down in the back seat. She smiled slyly as she noticed you look.

"Do you like it?" She asked, pulling on the beading. "I'm told it's the newest fashion in London." 

Lizzie's smile fell as you looked between your dress and hers, biting your lip.

"Your dress is gorgeous, too," she said as her smile widened and she dipped her head to meet your eyes. "Tonight's all a bit of fun. There will be all types of people in all types of dress. I bet you anything Shelly will be wearing something scandalous in attempts to gain Arthur's eye."

You both laughed. You nodded as you took her hand. 

"Or Mrs. May in something frumpy and terribly sized as she glares at the rest of us," you add, earning new fits of laughter.

"Ladies of this age have no respect for themselves," Lizzie mocked, her voice low and raspy. "You all look like you should be on your back near the canal."

"She would know, wouldn't she?" You snorted. "Acts like no one knew who she was before her marriage. Mum said she used to work the docks. Now she helps the church on Sundays."

Lizzie rolled her eyes. 

"I'll never understand women that can't accept their own past," she said. 

"That's why I appreciate you," you smiled, bumping her shoulder. "You don't pretend you're something that you're not."

"I'll leave the pretending for the rich folk," she mused as she leaned back on you. "Thank you for not being as judgmental as some of the other girls are."

You shrugged. 

"Not my place to judge."

----

The house was massive. You both audibly gasped as you turned into his drive and saw the house at the end of it. There was so much land. The driver entered the circle drive with the other cars, waiting until he reached the peak to stop for a young man to open the door and take Lizzie's hand. Another rounded the car and opened the door for you, tilting his flat cap with a "ma'am" as you allowed him to help you out of the car. 

You took his arm with a murmured thanks and he led you to the door. You and Lizzie both stood in the entryway wide-eyed as the chandelier glowed above you. There were already dozens of guests and more poured in behind you. Some were people you knew from work, while others had the signature cap, and even more were strangers dressed in far nicer clothes than yours. You started to grow uneasy in the chaos. 

Lizzie took your arm in hers and urged you to move forward, taking two glasses off of a tray and thrusting one into your hands. 

"Smile," she laughed, sipping her own drink. "This is a night to relax."

You nod numbly, downing your drink to calm your nerves. You hear Lizzie burst into laughter beside you as the bubbles fill your head.

Soon enough, Thomas Shelby appeared and everyone hushed, turning their attention to the man that had invited them all. He stood in a doorway, smile tight as he tried to scan the room to look at everyone and no one.

"Welcome, everyone, to my humble abode," Tommy said, eliciting chuckles around the room. "Without you, my business partners, family, and employees, I would not have been able to get this far. If you follow me to the dining room, we'll all have a lovely dinner that my new chef made special for tonight. If it's not to taste, well, he's new."

Everyone laughed and clapped as he turned around, leading everyone to a massive dining room that had a table to fit all of the guests. 

You held onto Lizzie's arm as you both wandered into the room and sat near the middle of the table near some of the other secretaries that came. As you all sat down, maids rushed in with silver platters, first serving Tommy at the head of the table and slowly spreading plates down the sides to his guests. You thanked her as she placed some sort of chicken meal in front of you. 

"Do you think this is Italian or French?" Shelly, who had indeed decided to wear something scandalous, murmured at you. 

"I'd imagine Italian," you murmured back. 

Arthur stood up from his seat at the opposite end of the table and raised his glass. 

"Before we eat, I wanted to raise a glass to my brother," he sounded over the crowd. "For always taking care of us. Now you have something for yourself as well. To Tommy!"

Everyone raised their glasses and toasted before they started in on the food. 

The dinner itself was nice and the food was delicious. You talked amongst the other people around you, mostly the secretaries and a few odd people that had intermingled with the girls. You watched the room quietly but tried to keep your head bowed. 

"I think the boss is watching you," Shelly hissed at your side as she nudged you. "He looks away in his conversation but looks over to you at times."

"Surely not," you said, taking a drink from your glass and casually looking over to Lizzie and the end of the table. "I'm next to Lizzie. He's just looking at her."

"I know he's not looking at me," she fumed. 

"Perhaps you should act less eager," you monotoned. Shelly scoffed and rolled her eyes. 

The thought would not leave your head once it was said, and you grew increasingly nervous. As Tommy stood and asked everyone to meet in another room for drinks and celebrating, you rose with everyone else but felt your throat constrict. As you exited the dining room you nudged Lizzie.

"I think I'm going to find a room and take a breath for a moment," you smiled weakly as she looked at you with concern. "I'm fine, really. The crowd is just working my nerves. I'll take a breath and be right out to join you for another drink."

"As long as you're fine," she smiled and patted your hand. "Come find me when you need me." 

"Of course," you smiled as you slipped the opposite way of the crowd and opened a random door in the hallway. 

You entered what looked like a study room, but twice the size of most that you had seen before. You eyed the library of books to the left of the desk that sat in front of a massive window that overlooked the black night outside.

You took a deep breath and walked toward the bookshelf, running your fingers around the bindings and reading the names. Your nerves started to calm right before you heard the door handle rattle.

Tommy Shelby opened the door to the study and you both froze as you locked eyes. Shock and confusion shadowed his face until he cleared his throat and softly closed the door behind him. He turned back to you with a blank face. You stood frozen beside his bookshelf next to his desk.

"Would you like a whiskey, (Y/N)?" He asked as he rounded the room. "Or have you had plenty already? In vino veritas and all that."

He reached the decant of whiskey across the room from you and brought out two glasses. 

"I don't normally drink, Mr. Shelby," you said shakily. "But since you are my host, thank you."

"You don't care for alcohol?" He asked, his back to you as he poured.

"It makes people do stupid things, in my opinion," you answered. "Nemo mortalium omnibus horis sapit."

Tommy froze and sat the decanter down, slowly turning to you with his brows gathered between his eyes. 

"What was that?" He said as his head cocked at you. 

You shifted uncomfortably as you leaned back on his desk to steady yourself. 

"It means: 'Of mortal men, none is wise at all times,'" you breathed out as you mirrored his surprised expression. "Did you quote a language without knowing it?"

He licked his lip as he watched you closely, his expression fading back to neutral. He turned to pick up the glasses and squared his body back to you, leaning on the shelf behind him. 

"Latin is old," he said. "I only know a few phrases."

"Perhaps you should know a language before you use it," you said before blushing at your boldness. "Sorry, Mr. Shelby. That was forward."

You watched him fight to keep his expressions under the tranquil stillness of his blank face, but his eyes showed a storm raging in his brain. 

"Forward," he agreed, "but not entirely wrong. 'Lupus non timet canem lantrantem.'"

You laughed at his fumbling of words and quieted when you noticed his eyes harden.

"A wolf might not have to fear a barking dog, Mr. Shelby," you said, gathering the courage you felt rising in your chest as you walked to your boss and lifted the glass of whiskey from his hand. "Auribus teneo lupum. But I seem to be holding a wolf by the ears."

You walked back to your spot and leaned on his desk again. You felt his eyes roam your body as you walked back, and it gave you another shot of courage as you sipped the whiskey.

"I didn't know you were a whore, (Y/N)," he said as he took a drink. "And a learned whore at that. Really should be paying you more as a secretary with that on your resume."

"I'm not a whore."

"Then why are you in my office, eh?" he taunted, running his tongue along the edge of his glass. "I was told I had a whore waiting for me tonight. Want to fuck?"

"I'm not that easy, Mr. Shelby."

"You came tonight with Lizzie, didn't you?" He asked. "You share one occupation but not the other?"

"I've never found a need great enough to do so," you scoffed. "Someone left you misinformed."

He chuckled. 

"So you don't drink excessively, you aren't a whore -- let me guess, you're also a good girl that doesn't gamble?" Tommy eyed you carefully as he lit a cigarette from his breast pocket and inhaled it. "Catholic?"

"I don't bet on fixed races," you said, lowering your eyes as you said it. "I'm not particularly a believer of God. But from my understanding, neither are you."

"All men find religion between a woman's legs," he retorted, a smile spreading across his face as you squirmed. You hummed acknowledgement as you glared at him.

"Morals don't do well in this company," he mused, watching every twitch of movement you made under his gaze. "The only moral I ask for from my employees is loyalty to me."

"I've managed fine," you said. "Not everyone is made for the thick of your businesses."

"Right you are," he hummed. "Only the ambitious."

"Qui totum vult totum perdit," your voice cut through the air. "He who wants everything loses everything."

Tommy squinted at you as his jaw ticked, taking his time to roll the cigarette across his lips. 

"Are you from a rich family, (Y/N)?"

"God no," you barked a laugh. "My father comes home from The Garrison every night. Born and raised in Small Heath, sir."

He visibly relaxed in front of you. His shoulders slouched, but his eyes were still sharp and calculating. 

"Call me Tommy," he shrugged 'sir' off like he was removing dust from a coat. "Work is done. You're my guest. So tell me, how did you come about learning latin then, eh?"

"I've used the library since I was small, sir-- Tommy," you shrugged and watched his eyes light up. 

He covered the crook of a smile by putting his cigarette back to his mouth for another inhale. 

"Small Heath doesn't have a library," he said as he exhaled the smoke, his eyes sharpening as he took a step forward. "Never had the funding."

"I know," you said, biting your lip. "On my free days I walk to Deritend to use their library."

"Quite a walk, isn't it?" He hummed as he took a step closer. 

"Yes, but it makes for a nice day," you shifted in place. "I usually use a little money for lunch and stay til dinner."

"Stay all day in a library?" Tommy smiled and ran a finger over his lip before he let out the smoke. "Shouldn't that make you a teacher instead of a typist for a dirty company?"

You flushed but refused to let your head dip, even though you desperately wanted to cower from the man in front of you. He was weighing you. Tommy Shelby was used to people cowering. You wouldn't give him the pleasure. Not after he already tried demeaning you.

"Teaching requires certificates," you said simply. "I only saved money for one, so typing it was. I like to learn. Keeps my brain busy. Besides," your lip curled at the edge, "I was never fond of helping those that didn't want to better themselves."

"Self taught can go far around here," he said more to himself than you. "Whatever your reason for sneaking into my study, how would you like to be a tutor?"

"To you?" Your eyebrow quirked as you stifled your amusement. 

"My youngest brother, Finn," Tommy said evenly as he shot you a warning look. "He's getting older and I'd like for him to join the business, but reading has never been his sport. If you can get him up to speed, I'll pay you for the time."

"I'm not sure" you drawled, eyes scanning the office as you tried to quickly think of a way out of the deal. 

"The money will be cash, from me," he said, taking another step toward you. He was nearly beside you now. "No need to add it to business expenses or worry about taxes. Just a nice bit of pocket change. You can use it to buy yourself more pretty dresses, eh?"

How eyes dipped to your dress and back to your face. Your eyes widened as your brows dropped and you glared at the man once his words sunk into your bones. You stood up straight and raised your chin.

"Although I appreciate you think this dress is pretty, I have far better ways to spend money, Mr. Shelby," you gritted between your teeth. "I would think the nephew of Polly Gray wouldn't be so flippant with a woman, especially when he's asking her a favor."

"And I would not expect a woman under my employment to backtalk me," he said amused. "What is your goal in life, then, sweetheart? If pretty dresses aren't what you teach yourself Latin for."

You bubbled with anger and fought the words down that wanted to spew from your mouth. 

"You may be my employer, but I will find another if you think I'll allow verbal abuse," you said stiffly. "Perhaps you're so polite and quiet in the office because otherwise you would lose your workforce."

He crossed the remaining distance between you in a stride. You leaned back until you were practically sitting on his desk. His face was inches from yours.

"I didn't get to where I am today by being a gentleman when words don't get my way," he growled as he curled his fingers around your neck.

"I know what you are," you said and felt his hand wrap tighter around your throat until it took effort to raise your voice. 

"And what is that?"

"You don't seem the type in want of a partner," you whispered as you licked your lips and tried to keep eye contact. "You wouldn't force a girl because you don't need to. This is just to scare me. Because you want to. Because you like it."

Tommy chuckled darkly as his eyes looked from your eyes to your lips. 

"Have any latin phrases in your mind now?"

"Dulce periculum," you said. "Danger is sweet."

"That it is, (Y/N)," he said as he caressed your cheek with his other hand. "You can start tutoring Finn tomorrow after your shift. You can use my office if you'd like."

"Yes, Mr. Shelby," you tone as he let go of your neck. 

You never knew you could feel so numb but so electric at the same time. Tommy chuckled, lifting your chin until you met his eyes again. 

"I said call me Tommy, sweetheart."

Part 2