#monday. ill def have it up Monday

[niccage]

Today is the first day ive had time to write since last thursday and it literally feels like my whole life has lead up to me sitting down at my desk and opening a google doc rn

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[oysterie]

just one hour left for this fucking program.....

[toastsnaffler]

ughhhh

[martinmuhl]

⋆✧˚ ༘ prove it (part 3)

pair: paige bueckers x reader

warnings: none!

summary: notorious player paige wants to take the star volleyball player out on a date

authors note: hi guys, sorry it’s been a min. i’ve been in a writing slump so this prob isn’t very good :( it’s def not my best, but i hope you enjoy! love yall sm

‧₊˚ ☁️⋅♡𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ☾.

the next week was the busiest week you’d had in a while. the national college volleyball tournament was next week and your coach was not messing around. if you weren’t in class, you were in the gym preparing. it was hard to focus on anything else when you were being worked so hard, but that didn’t mean you weren’t thinking about paige and her next surprise. it was 9pm on monday night and you were in bed about to pass out when you heard a knock at the door, feeling some nostalgia to when kk had surprised you everyday the week prior. sighing deeply, you got out of bed and opened your apartment door. peering down at you was the blonde you were just thinking about.

“well hello there, sleepyhead.” she jokes, a low laugh slipping out. you hadn’t even stopped to look at yourself before opening the door. your hair was probably a disaster and you were barely wearing any clothes, expecting it to be a teammate at the door.

“oh my god paige, really? you couldn’t have texted me first before showing up here?” you reached up to feel your hair and just how bad it was probably sticking out everywhere.

“i don’t have your number actually so… but i just wanted to ask you if you were free anytime this week? i know this is probably a pretty busy week for you, but i just need like a few hours of your time if that’s okay?” she smiles at you and despite how busy you are, you decide that you could probably spare a few hours for her.

“i guess i could probably spare a few hours of my time,” you giggle. “how’s wednesday? i have class and practice, but im done around 5ish. that okay?” she nods with a big goofy grin on her face.

“ill pick you up at 6 then, ma.” she says, bouncing on the heels of her feet. you nod, and she looks like she wants to say or do something else.

“did you have anything else you wanted to say?” you ask and a sheepish smile appears on her face.

“i just like you a lot and i really want to touch you,” she says, her face instantly turning red. “oh god, not like that. i just mean that i really want to hug you or something and i don’t know if-“ you cut her off, chuckling at her rambling.

“paige.” is all you say.

“yeah?”

“you can hug me.” as soon as she hears that, her arms engulf you in a hug. she squeezes tight, like she doesn’t want to let go. after she let go, she looked like she was going to say goodbye, but you had other ideas.

“did you want to come in?” you couldn’t help yourself. you knew that you couldn’t fully trust her yet, but it was paige bueckers. she’s the most beautiful girl you had ever seen and was already proving to you that she was worthy a date. why not invite her in?

paige rocked back and forth, contemplating. “i really want to, i hope you know that… but i feel like if i did it would seem like im going back to my old ways and im not at all.” she chewed her lip, peering down at you.

you nodded and felt disappointed, but also a bit of relief. you wanted so bad to believe her and honestly, this was a huge step for you toward that. you weren’t looking to have sex with her tonight, but the fact that she didn’t even want to chance it made your heart swell. eventually, paige said goodbye and you fell asleep that night thinking of her.

wednesday rolled around and paige picked you up for your surprise. she ended up driving you to a local park to watch the sunset and have a picnic. you felt like it was a date, which is what she was supposed to be working toward, but you didn’t want to take any of her excitement away so you let it slide. she was so proud of herself for setting it up all by herself. it was a great night, paige was everything you thought she wasn’t. she was kind and always complimenting you, but also seemed so interested in you and learning all there was about you. you were hesitant at first, but eventually opened up and told her about your family and other personal things to which she did the same.

after the surprise, she drove you home and hugged you goodnight. you had also gotten her number, finally. you were over the moon. paige was making you the happiest you’d been in a while. the next two days passed and you had decided. you didn’t need to wait the whole month, right? she had already proved so much to you. she had changed and she wanted you. just as you pulled your phone out to text her to come over, you received a message from your teammate, allison. your heart sunk.

allison: hey girl, just wanted to let you know that the team is at the bar right now and so is the wbb team. paige has been hanging with a brunette i’ve never seen before all night and they look really comfy… just wanted to tell you just in case you didn’t know :/

you: oh wow.. thanks for letting me know alli <3

allison: you should get your ass down here and confront her!! no one plays you! want me to beat her ass?

you: no no, it’s okay i’m on my way. you’re right, no one plays me.

[mayakern]

hello! i wanted to express, your work is very lovely omg!! im looking at all the button ups and… theyre all SUCH stunning design work! ill def be keeping an eye out for restocks in my size (: (i really love the sycamore shirt in particular)

you can disregard this question if youd like, but! what designs are you most proud of creating?

good luck with your sale and future endeavors!! :D

aw thank you that's so sweet! 🥺🥺

i think we're working on getting a final inventory count on button downs before the cyber monday sale, so those should have a tiny restock within the next few days, but other than that we're just gonna let the current shirts sell out before we think about making new button downs

everyone on the team wants to make more in the future, we just need a bit of a breather from them so we can sell thru what we have left and then go back into product development with them, as there are some significant things we'd like to change.

[munamania]

ok and now i need to talk this out on here cause like in all reality idc that much but this is just a little. awk. i might do this under the cut just so i can talk in a bunch of little paragraphs if thats chill ok ty

sooooo right ive mentioned that sam has been talking abt having beef specifically w his roommates but also that friend group at large bc they went on spring break trips w/o him. The roommate took a duo trip with fellow dyke and everyone else did like a big thing together erm

right thats just the context idrc except for the amount of times sams vaguely alluded to it and idk any other details. um but he has called his roommates like the 'poison pills' of the whole ordeal since they literally live together (but they havent been that close. prob since their freshman year when sam was out for a semester. which isnt inherently er bad but hes acting like hes been victimized for the last few years)

and like last night after this long sesh of working on our assignment sam and i r walking to the bus stop and he says something about finding out just like shitty awful drama and how it sucks having to live with 'two of those people' lmao sorry im not laughing im just like. whatever

this said i have plans to see. should i name sams roommate. ok i cant do that rn but we have plans to hang on monday and i would be seeing sam like immediately after for class. and esp if we're hanging out on campus like we might have a repeat of last time where sam spots us out and im not sure if he'd approach and hang this time. but hes obviously aware that me and them like chat

so it's like not so subtle that hes trying to get me to either ask abt the roommate or flat out not trust/see them anymore and i just havent engaged which might come across as "fake" but like. well ill be honest man theyre all a year younger than me and that doesnt mean much but it does feel very immature to handle things this way idk the whole story but im not gonna get roped into the like Omg i cant talk to this person bc of beef idk about...

and maybe i should feel worse abt not being #loyal to someone who is or at least at one point was considered a friend esp when it comes to someone that yeah ig he does know better than i but i dont... sorry ive been talking abt this bitch like cady and regina george except im not psychosexually obsessed im just like. hes been more insufferable than i remember lately yk.

i feel the Tiniest bit bad and like oh have i taken advantage of u bc yk we've hung and smoked and had dinner together often at ur place and def wormed my way into talking to the roommate via u etc but then i remember the way sam talks abt like anything and i dont feel all that bad

and theres this whole thing abt the eclipse i dont have plans to go see it it might happen last second but now after sams asked me abt it and messaged me like yeah idk we (him and his bestie) could maybe take a bus but we'd need a place to stay (asking to stay w my family bc i mentioned it like once on my close friends) and then theyre like going to a diff city anyway like oh my gooooood it's gonna be seen as shady and i dont really CARE i just need assurance that this is stupid as hell and its ok if im a little bit of an asshole about it. i dont think being mad abt the eclipse would hold up but w/e

has not been at the top of my worries and still isnt but now that this is all coming up in the next week im like frank g*llagher voice (sorry) oh Jesus Christ. you know

[krviiror]

!! An@ diaries ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡

28 August 2024, 11:44 pm.

• trying to fast as much as possible..

• alternating between fasting n 300 cals max (volleyball)a day /week

Goal day reach:: 1st October 2024.

Goals::

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚Day 1...

September 1st,2024

• umm so.. my unlucky ass got my period the day after I was gonna start fasting 😞

When I get my period it's so hard for me to not binge because I start craving food even if I'm not hungry so I binged the whole day and failed ... Tomorrow ill try to fast since my period never affects me on the 4th day !! And it's also Monday so I find it easier for me to "schedule" my fasting and omad yk😓 but anyways I'll try do to my best to prevent myself from eating and since school started its been getting much more easier since im busy the whole day,yippie!!! But anyways bye babes I'll update tmr!🤗

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚ Day 2...

September 2th,2024

• ok so..Today there was no school because it was Labor Day! So preventing myself to eat was a lil harder😓 But I guess I did ok today! For breakfast at around 8:45am I had 2 croissants which I had NO idea it was almost 300 CALORIES EACH. So I def had a lil moment of regret after eating it🤗🤗 but it's wtv I guess🙄 luckily I was occupied for the rest of the day deep cleaning my room so I didn't eat anything except chew on sugar free gum😛

at around 2:30 I went to play beach volleyball with my friends which we played for like 4 hours straight so I ended up burning most of the cals I got from the croissants!!! After we got tired we went dep and I tried monster for the first time!! It was the white sugar free one and it was only 10 cals so I was very happy abt that!! I didn't really like the flavor tbh.. but it's still a good "safe food" when I'm eating less than 300 cals ! After that I walked home so I was able to burn a lil more calories and my mom made pasta so I had a plate! And that's all for today🤭

Since tmr I'm going back to school I'll be able to fast/ eat less than 300cals for the week! That's all goodnight guys!:)

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚Day 3...

September 3th,2024

... I actually wanna kms😞

So I had volleyball tryouts/practice today and I had this plan to only eat a small meal for lunch so I can atleast have some energy for volley... and that's what I did! I had one hotdogs which was able to fill me up for the day and I was able to burn it all out during volleyball! So I decided to starve for the rest of the afternoon and when I came home my freaking brother bought like a whole ass feast for the both of us and I was trying sooooo hard to resist but I felt bad bc he used his miney and he's always so kind to me and I couldn't lie to him bc ik he knows yk😞 so my fatass ate a freaking cake and shawarma thinking if I drank a 100 cal smoothie during it would make a difference but no it did not🤬🤬 u honestly feel so guilty and disgusting bc I just CANNOT PREVENT MYSELF FROM EATING. AS HARD AS I TRY I JUST CANT I END UO GIVING IN☹️☹️ and I'm honestly so done with saying "oh I'm gonna fast the whole day tmr I won't eat anything and catch up" like no girl why you lying😞 please if u guys have tips to avoid and YK HOW I FEEL PLEASEEE HELP A GIRL OUT💔💔

[seventeentheheaven]

ANNOUNCEMENT

Okau there’s a lot of things I wanna cover in this post, so I hope you guys like to read!!!😘

First off, I LOVE YOU HUYS SO FREAKING MUCH. THANK YOU ALL FOR 700 FOLLOWERS! (right now it’s 798 so I might be at 800 soon and that is so crazy) when I first started posting on tumblr, I thought I’d just post my smaus for me since I made it to my own liking, but since you guys started supporting me, I’ve been feeling motivated to create MORE. And not just smaus; I want to expand my page to more content, I want my page to be like a whole jungle of everything for YOU GUYS. I want to write more, I want to open up my page to more content so you guys can see smaus, drabbles, stories, pictures, and more. I LOVE YOU ALL SO SO MUCH AND IF YOU HAVE ANY PERSONAL WUESTIONS, JUST DM ME! AND ILL SEE WHAT I CAN DO🫶🏽🫶🏽

—

So.. id like to address my ABSENTNESS…I would like to apologies to you guys for that :( I haven’t been feeling the smau lately…I mean I HAVE, because oh my glob I love smau so much. BUT, my motivation for WRITING it is gone. I mean obviously I’m still gonna write it for you guys cos I appreciate and lav ALL of yous, so I’ll try my best to reciprocate that love you all give me <3

Second think is like to talk about; would you guys like it if I made stories too? Like drabbles or ideas? It won’t be as often though because I lose writing motivation QUICK.

Also…drum roll guys 🥰🥰 IM GETTING A LAPTOP!!! It’s not the BEST, but I think it’s perfect. My laptop SHOULD…be coming in Monday on the 19th(?) So I’ll def start posting smaus then. (Also, I do need help moving the smau data( like screenshots(?)) to my laptop but idk how to do it or if it’s even possible, so if ANY of you guys know how to do it, just DM me!!)

[wanderrlust0]

:s

im home now and im glad me and him got high today bc i dont think i wouldve been able to be okay emotionally and pretend like everythings good. i just read my last journal post and i just started crying. like i gave him till the very last minute to say i love you to me and he didnt so i whispered it as i got ready to get out of the car and he then whispered it back. like, he wasnt gonna say it if i hadnt said it. he just said it bc i said it but i can tell it was like empty words like wtf i feel like he doesnt really love me anymore rn and ive done absolutely nothing wrong like its unfair and im tired of it. he hasnt been himself since tuesday. first he wasnt himself when i saw him sunday. then i forced him to talk about it a little. then he was good monday, saying good morning, goodnight, using :3 a lot. then tuesday he just went back to the dryness and sounding uninterested. stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning to me. its now thursday (technically) we hung out. i texted in caps goodmorning bc he again just started saying stuff. i feel like he was only okay today bc he was high. he was touching me a lot but mostly my ass bc i wore a skirt. i didnt mind it ofc but i did sorta feel like he was mostly touching me in a sexual way and less romantic way. he is so fixated on my friend who he doesnt like and thinks id cheat with. bunny stop being insecure..honestly. i feel like its def that and his inability to fully trust me is what the main problem is. like he was barely loving meD: i can tellll when he genuinely does bc he shows it but today and these past few days just felt so casual and not full of effort. like why the fuck am i really crying right now like idk how im feeling bc im like ofc hurt and im confused and tired and annoyed and upset and sad and it feels less fun. i always end up doing most of the talking when hes like this bc itll make me so uncomfortable to sit in silence. like theres a good silence and a weird silence. i used the bathroom and left my phone on the table. ik he most likely scrolled thru my notifications. like im sure he def did. he was standing right there. even tho it was locked and he cant see the details of the notifs ik i have nothing to hide. the thing is how long is it gonna take for him to have some faith in me and stop doubting me and treating me like im a copy of everyones past mistakes. i think now im really actually not gonna act like things dont affect me and show more dryness or annoyance or distance. whatever i feel towards him ill reciprocate or stop pretending like its nothing. he didnt answer my text where i sent him a video that i thought was cute and funny and i wanted him to see it too. no acknowledgement from that. he hasnt sent me an ig reel in days. he stopped saying goodnight and goodmorning. he did now. the edible made him happier today and same with me. we drank and it made us both sleepy. idk what hes feeling towards me. he doesnt really share everything bc he thinks that it doesnt make a diff if we talk about it or not bc he feels like nothing will change and its pointless. i obviously disagree and i feel like we def have to talk, whether itll make a diff or not. it will do something. itll help us understand each other more. itll help us see things in a diff perspective. itll help us clear the air and get rid of the elephant thats lowkey in the room. i wish he wasnt so insecure in times like these. i wish he was more confident with himself. i wish he would really just love me unconditionally and not question our love. i wish i didnt have to tiptoe around the topic of my friend. i wish hed pay attention to whats in front of him and realize how great we can be. hes like a part of me now and i cant see myself without him and i desperatelyy wish hed just understand thatD; im trying and doing my best. i love him to pieces, but if i feel that hes losing interest, it makes me lose interest and i emotionally feel less of a connection to who he is. its like i love him and want him close by but his energy isnt the same person and i miss him againnn. hes back to caring less

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[everydaydg]

So the Movie Material thread popped off

It feels as if I suddenly summoned Yo Kai Watch tumblr the past few days lmao. Im happy that ive been able to provide references even if they are the 3DS native resoltion (which is not too big)

I will get the storyboards done by... monday? tuesday? sadly ive been a bit busy lately but ill def get em done soon! (The story boards will take longer than everything else due to being like 76 images, it being 4-3 images per set with 19 sets of storyboards)

Anyway on to what ive been up to lately

So I fixed and hacked my DSi!!

(The rest of this post is a bit of a ramble about that)

have a few small photos of it!

been focusing on cleaning and mainting this ol thing a bit lately. This was my childhood system so seeing it up and running again is a joy to me.

Super cool seeing alot of games with perfect scaling, the DSi has a beautiful screen.

Also! Remember that kirby super star copy I mentioned the other day! Heres that!!

I still have all the inserts hehe.

yknow this copy of the game has a really funny story of hand me downs.

So my brother got the game, it was his copy but... he somehow left the box at my oldest cousin's house, so he had the cart but not the box.

Years later he handed me down all his DS/3DS stuff which is how I got the game but I still didnt have the box.

and after a loooong time, a few years ago (arround 2021), while visiting my cousin I noticed that he STILL HAD THE BOX

last time I saw the box was arround... 2012 man!

so I asked him if I could have it and he just went "sure".

Still had all the inserts baby. I summerized alot but man this whole thing took nearly a decade

anyways back to the game and the box-

MAN I miss when random games got ads like this in other games. you got some high quality artwork and some really dang clear screenshots!! You didnt see screenshots this high quality often, unless it was a game magazine. I never got magazines... they usually never made it over here.

God I love this kind of stuff.

So uhh yeah! thats all ive had going on lately, not much else to say.

To end have a photo of my DSi and my DS Lite. I have... like 4 DSs arround lmao (counting my N2DS and 2DS)

Have a good day and thank you for reading!

[fading-echoes22]

Help I’m traveling so much in the next few months.

I have a work trip Monday and there’s a social with free food and drinks and if I don’t at least drink my best friend will def notice (apparently I have a reputation 🙃)

I also have a bachelorette party in May but I think I can use budget issues to avoid eating a ton of food. maybe ill do a fast leading up to it as well to try and offset the wine i know ill be having

[namuneulbo]

week sixty-four

this week. woah. it was......... a lot.

well, to start off... i have a crush on v. i figured this out on monday and since then its gotten so severe lol. monday to friday was spent thinking ab him and also apparently not hiding it very well from l. ill come back to this later but this entire chapter will for sure be ab him and also in sm detail.

ive kind of talked a lot ab him and just my “new friends” in general a lot w l and my mom. i think my mom even has suspicions that i like either d or v (bc i talk ab them the most prob).

i started spamming n, s and t and also i, m and t ab him. i wont be able to cover what i told them all individually but n def received the most detailed info yet only one pic (WHICH WAS A HORRIBLY EMBARRASSING ONE I TOOK ON BEREAL WHEN IT CUT EVERYONE OUT AND THEIR POSES SO IT WAS JUST HIM NOT POSING AAAAA I FEEL LIKE A MOM WHO TAKES PICS OF HER KIDS WO CONSENT TT). i talked A LOT w s ab him too and w t i just spammed quickly on monday/tuesday i think, i cant bother checking. when i told i, m and t they immediately asked for a pic and i was scared theyd bully me lol but they said hes solid WOO! s approved of him too, saying the nail polish and his guitar made him seem very much like my type.

ill give u all who might be reading this a lil description of his pros. i would say a reminder to future me as well but yk maybe we end up together so :* heres what weve got so far:

- hes taller than me.

- has a niiiiiice voice.

- nice sense of style. its like basic as in plain colors (pretty much only black, hell wear white sweaters or super dark colors). it looks so good.

- hes a metalhead (+ we have two bands in common, ghost and polyphia).

- piercingssss!

- hes so talented, like he can play guitar, drums AND piano flawlessly.

- hes funny.

now to his cons: he’s not fully single. so. um. idk if theyre dating or in a situationship or just talking but its something for sureeee.

i dont ever want to like, break them up on purpose or like make moves on him while theyre talking bc im not a fucking douchebag. it is quite sad seeing them together though. i cant help but dislike the girl hes w a bit even though i dont want to, shes really cool and gorgeous and nice im just so O_o

on wednesday we had band class and i was MESMERIZED. he had a concert that same day so he was dressed up in a navy button-up, black jeans cuffed over a black pair of chelsea boots. i had to leave a couple times during practice bc i had to practice harmonies w the singers and i remember literally feeling sad ab not being able to stare at him playing the piano so perfectly.

in the evening i went out to the bar for the weekly music quiz they do. i went w a, c and v at first but later on d and p joined (not dan and phil sadly). i was super awkward lol but it was my first time hanging out w just them and it felt so,,,, new to me. im glad i did it though, ig? i got to see him even if it was awkward. also, i think d has my old backpack that i left to a thrift shop. its a floral pattern w black faux leather details and gold buttons. its quite cute and it fits him really well.

i did eventually warm up a bit but nothing crazy.

i was already comfy around c but after wednesday, i was also comfy around d. he was so nice that i even questioned if i liked him as well but turns out i was probably really desperate TT i tend to never be interested in ANYONE when i like someone and thats really obvious now. even though my chances w v r low, i still deleted all my dating apps and stuff bc i dont have the desire to go on them as of rn.

on friday i had been CRAVING a party to go to all day. i was just waiting for someone to send a message saying “yo, party at vs place!”. we usually party at his place. i literally ranted to my mom ab how bad i was hoping for someone to throw a party and this wasnt even just bc of getting to see v but i was genuinely so socially starved. finally, around 19:30 id say, someone sends a message in the class gc telling everyone ab a party at his place. i immediately message l begging for them to come w me and even saying if they dont, ill go either way bc i want to go so bad. they end up declining and i go to the party myself. i get ready in a few minutes, just fixing my day-old makeup and eating and drinking water and stuff so i wont throw up the second i drink alcohol. i was so quick and i was walking w such speed around the house so i think my mom has probably started to connect the dots now that theres someone i like bc im never that excited ever. i leave along w my mom who took the dog out for a walk. since v lives so nearby she walked w me pretty much the entire way.

id never usually be this confident but i had been talking w s the entire day and she hyped me up SO much. i actually love her sm for that. i arrive there, v throws down his keys from the balcony, i catch them and go up to his apartment. i was a tad bit quiet in the beginning but i really tried to force myself to just relax and look cool and i did after a little while. we blasted metal and one of the first things they did was that everyone of them, c, d and v, went out for a smoke so i joined in even though i dont smoke but i enjoyed the lil passive smoking sesh on the tiny balcony, stuck behind d and v.

(bereal just went off, vs so cute).

anyways, i quite quickly felt more relaxed, i kinda forced myself to sit more,, relaxed and stop fidgeting and i got more included in the convo by queueing songs to play. i first asked v to queue kingslayer by bmth and babymetal and he was super excited ab it so i was so glad he liked it. we listened to it on a party a whileeee ago and i remember being so excited ab the fact that he liked that song too. a had arrived by now and hes v good to have there in that sense that he will make me join in the convo somehow if i havent talked in a while. he made me queue another song and i queued drowning lessons by mcr. i was so caught by surprise and i always get so shit at using tech shit and the internet in front of ppl, idk why, so v started guiding me on what buttons to press TT i hadnt thought of drowning lessons in the first place actually but i just kind of naturally went w mcr for some reason and then ended up choosing my fav song by them. we listened to it and v was like “DID HE JUST VOICE BREAK???” and i was like “oh, maybe? i mean its their first album so the mixing and recording might be a bit shit” and he replayed the part and was like “THERE IS A VOICE BREAK!” and c started explaining to him in distress that its just how u sing punk TT after a while v was like “its still going? how long is it?” and checked and it was right before the outro and i was like “waittt, we havent gotten to the best part yet!” and he leaves it and the breakdown comes and he does a stankface and just looks at me like “oh, a breakdown ending, hell yeah!” and i was so happy haha

last song i queue is taking you out by passcode. as i was typing it v read out what i was typing and kept guessing songs, heh, it was so cute. he asked me ab the band and stuff and then said like “oh, she growls really well for a woman” and the proceeds to elaborate in distress that he didnt mean it in a misogynistic women-cant-growl type of way but in a its-genuinely-harder-for-a-woman-to-do-metal-growls. it was quite cute, he tends to do that a lot, like overexplaining things so ppl dont think hes being a dickhead even though he says very normal things TT its so cute and it really shows that he cares.

i mentioned that i was ab to start learning growling w my vocal teacher and how she also said she wants to get the singer of finntroll to come and teach growling to me (WHICH IS SO COOL???). v was like “oh my god, im also ab to practice growling w my vocal teacher” and then when i told him ab the singer of finntroll thing he got so excited and just “what??? for real??? thats so cool???” and proceeds to be like “omg, when ur w him tell him uve got a friend who wants to have a lesson w him too” and c joins in and says the same. i felt so cool in that moment haha

me, c and d went out to go meet the ppl from school who had been touring all week. before we left i went to pee and literally on the toilet i was smiling sm bc i felt so comfy and happy and all that in that moment like, i was talking to him??? and he was talking back???? and he smiled???? he wanted to talk to me????? i did a lil happy jump sesh after i washed my hands. then otw to school, me, c and d were jumping around and running and yelling. them bc they were drunk, me bc i was so excited abt finally feeling comfy w them + obviously getting to talk to v successfully after crushing so hard on him the past week. i was so happy too bc i finally felt like i kind of belong. i felt for the first time true that like “oh my god, they dont hate me!”. so while meeting the ppl at school i was sooooo happy and like greeting everyone and just smiling and feeling so cool and included and aaaaaaa i was so happy i cant even explain it. c and d r the coolest ppl ever!!!

we went back w s + we left d behind for a bit, sorry d!! now this was when i was truly connecting the dots between s and v. partypooper. i did tag along to the bar w all of them afterwards though. i just went by my place to eat something and get my id.

i arrived to the bar and i sat down next to c at first but later moved next to d so i could sit on the couch. me and c went to buy drinks and then d left to go smoke. there was an awkward space between me and v so i tried to subtly move closer to him and later when d came back he just sat in the spot i sat earlier so i sat between him and v.

more ppl arrived and i ended up becoming squished between d and v. NOW THIS. this changed me as a whole human being. i have been terrified of men all my life and w not specific reason bc the thing is that its not rooted in like, being scared that theyll do something, i just genuinely get more tense around men than women. this moment was so, special to me and not just bc i was squished next to v and our arms and legs were in constant touch but like, i got this kind of realization that, maybe i dont need to be nervous. like, theres nothing to worry ab. i trust d and v. theyre really nice. d i was already comfy w since wednesday and v i just that evening got comfy w. although i am touch deprived i really just,,, felt so happy, safe and relaxed in a group if people, in the middle of two men. i didnt feel the need to fidget out of nervousness and stuff. i was just, calm.

v looks over at me and asks me how drunk im planning to get. he himself says he wants to be so drunk he throws up. i jokingly reply saying i dont want to throw up. he starts showing me a scale w his hands, going down from ten and giving each level its own name so like “this is throw up drunk, this is like this and this is that...” and i end up saying i wanna get slighty above drunk and hes just like “so like a six?” and i nod. he says something along the lines of “thats cool, thats solid”.

later a girl sits next to d and begins talking w her. he starts whispering w v over my lap and i just sit there laughing awkwardly, hoping someone would notice and laugh w me as well. they dont talk for too long but they do this again later and talk for like two minutes straight over my lap and i just use this time to admire vs back and his ear piercings. d apologises and i chuckle and tell him its fine and that i didnt mind (i really did not bc i am truly so touch-starved). d later tells me ab this girl and bc of the music he has to really be close to my ear and talk w me. we talk like that for a while and he says hes glad i understand his situation. long story short, this girl had apparently been trying to flirt w him even though he has a girlfriend. i think he handled the situation really well.

v once again looks over at me, this time as were both kind of resting against the booth, bodies facing each other. he just asked how i was feeling today but it felt so intimate and i was savoring the conversation and eye contact as much as i could. i told him that i was really craving social interaction today so i was really glad i could tag along w them. he acted a bit funnily so i asked him how drunk he was. he said he feels a bit sick. idk why but that convo was so :’) i am TREASURING it.

him and s decided to leave, making almost everyone else leave. i stayed for a bit w a and c and some other unknown ppl but decided to leave after a bit. while me, a and c went out when they went to smoke i saw a bunch of ppl from both elementary and middle school. d, l, n and t. i was kind of hoping one of them wouldve noticed me earlier while i was w v and all the others so they could be like “omg shes sitting next to two guys, i wonder if shes dating anyone of them” or like “omg she has such cool friends now”.

okay, thats all on friday. saturday however, i met up w l for a bit, i tell them ab my crush on v. i sit them down, hold their hands and keep eye contact.

“so on wednesday we had a conversation on tiktok and i talked ab how boy obsessed i am feeling these days, right?”

they continue looking at me, asking me if this is ab e. i dont tell them yet.

“so after i said that, u said ‘well as long as its not d or v bc ik theyre the only friends we have but i assure u there r better alternatives’”

they begin staring at me in shock and yell:

“l! not them, omg! which one is it- no, wait. let me guess... d?”

i look at them for a bit before replying: “its not d.”

“ITS V? L, NO U CANT!” and they kick me as im laughing so hard im falling of the bed.

“IT IS! i have a fucking crush on v!”

we talk ab this for a while and i tell them ab friday and all that and it was sm fun lol

after me and l ahd hung out i went out to a proper party held at school. like dancing-beer-pong-bar kind of party. i met d and some others outside of the enterance and say hi. i then go inside and immediately meet c and c. they bring me to the dance floor and shows me where all the drinks r and everything. i see v playing beer pong. i dont like dancing at all so i join for a bit but leave soon enough. i sit and talk w a for a while. when v sat down on the same couch i was in i told a who was sitting on the other side that she could sit down on the couch properly instead of just sitting on the armrest and so she did and my evil plan worked, i got to move even closer to v. after a while it was finally our turn to play beer pong, we played w just water though. it was my first time playing and i was in the same team as a. she was so good? we played again v and two others. it was so humilating to play against v but my team won thanks to a. she was really awesome. during our last cup, v tried distracting me by hovering his hands over the cup but it literallyt made me aim better bc i could look at his hands TT he only distracted me w his hands and never a.

i left after s arrived to the party bc i got so sad seeing her w v lol but i was overwhelmed by the party anyways lol

sotw: bring me the horizon - alligator blood

[aj-theteenagecondition]

ttc- chapter 2

today i got dressed after washing my face and shit, and i put on a yellow and black ditzy floral dress and a pair of tights. then i looked at myself in the mirror and thought: who the fuck even am i anymore. i decided that i didnt think that was a good way to feel when i got dressed so i changed. i dont understand what i want to wear vs. what the people around me want to where. during the pandemic i wore whatever i wanted, and my sense of fashion was completley my own, only altered by content i knowingly consumed. in 8th grade over zoom i wore a small collection of short, leg-alicious, forever 21 dresses. i stopped wearing the really tight one after i got cat called on the street, WITH MY MOM.

my friends and i hung out down town in my city. we hung out last night also, and i forgot how much talking i was capable of. i was reminded what good and excellent people they are and how much i love spending time with them. we had great conversation last night, i didnt want to leave. i feel like anytime i hang out with people i talk an impossible amount, it makes me feel terrible, accidently talking over people, always interupting, what a bitch i am. five hours of hanging out today really wore me down a bit. i was going to go home with one of them and just hang at their house, but the other two were leaving so i left too. we called another friend of ours, my personal favorite of the group. not that i want to choose favorites, but she's def my best friend. she didnt want to hang out today which sucks. i love her to death and honestly have a bit of a crush on her.

im hungry and lonely in my post hangout emotional crash. tomorrow hopefully im going thrifting with my older sister, unless she cancels on me (possible). i've got to go back to school on monday and i dont know what im going to do. logically its literally going to be fine, nothing to worry about, just keep up with assignments and grades, but also HOLY FUCKING SHIT how am i supposed to go back to that. im a girl scout and i probably should be starting my gold award (which terrifies me) and one art class left, and i agreed to join my friends club, and ap classes are so hard. last year jan and feb were the worst months of the year, and they might be again this year, but ill stick with it. i just feel like a bit of a burden to my friends to be going through things that i feel like theyre not really interested in hearing about, like theyre listening but only to let me finish talking, if that makes sense. and when i talk to much i dont even really feel like myself, i just get going.

[sleevesareforlosers]

i’m going as a cheerleader (outfit of course based on gerard’s dress although mine is a three-piece more traditional modern uniforms. genuinely wish i could have worn a vintage uniform/dress but those are hard to come by and i don’t have a professional costumer to dissemble and reassemble a vintage dress for me. unfortunate!) and i’m going to dress as a very simple classic black cat for class on the monday of halloween! little studded black ears and a black blouse and leggings and then either these little black ankle boots i have or if i’m feeling saucy my new demonias ❤️ i might actually go pick up a tail too just to be fun ❤️ like yes okay this is also inspired by gerard but this one is much more classic!

ok ok so aside from like actual halloween festivities/parties my favorite fall activity is going to this haunted house attraction that’s local to our house in MD called field of screams! i’m actually going to fos this weekend because i’m flying home! i also love going to the pumpkin patch and drinking apple cider/eating apple cider donuts!

color that shows up most in my wardrobe other than black is actually probably green! there’s more olive green in my wardrobe than i was expecting. maybe blue? weirdly there’s not a ton of bright color in my actual wardrobe, i think i tend to make more of a statement with the graphics on my shirts and with my jewelry

28 is a special number to me because it’s my birthday! but i also really like the number 22 for reasons i can’t put my finger on; that’s my baby sister’s birthday so maybe that has something to do with it?

anyways UNO REVERSE!! your turn to answer!! 💝💖💕 love you!!

[ID: a photo of a fluffy light gold puppy dog wearing a black harness. he is mid-running through a big green field of grass, mouth open and looking at the camera. end ID]

YES YES YES I AM SO EXCITED FOR UR COSTUMES!!!!! esp the cheerleader one ive been so invested in it for literal months now i cant WAIT to see it. the cat WILL be cute too i love classic little black cat costumes

oh!!!! YES haunted houses r soooo fun esp when uve got a local one and its like 'this is MY haunted house' and it is yours!!! have fun going home i hope you get ALL the fall activities in that you want to! pumpkin patches r so cute i havent been to one in years

oh huh! i wouldnt have thought of green when i pictured your wardrobe. id have probably said red but thats maybe just bc of ur hair? you DO make a lot of good statements w accessories and makeup!! i always love ur fits sm

augh <3 birthdays as lucky numbers <3 yeah def family associations can be a big thing like how 14 is a big one for me it IS my birthday but its also my dads!

and i DID my uno reverse but ill add another fall activity that i like which r costume parties! no one does costume parties outside of halloween season and its like. cmon. why cant we get a little dressed up to sit in someones living room?

thank you for the pretzel!!!! hes SO sweet im kissing him kissing him kissing him giving him belly rubs