#momblur

[ravenmailey]

Living with madd

So I'm 20 years old, I am a mother, and a girlfriend and i have madd. Among other things, depression etc.

So to start my madd is something I still do all the time. It's really hard having a regular relationship when you live like this. I had never had a full long term relationship before the man I'm with and I only recently discovered madd as a real thing. I told this man I had imaginary friends, and he just kinda went with it, cause I also never talk about it. But what I'm getting to is that he has helped me in ways I have no idea to explain to him. I used to daydream through every social interaction and it always put me out in groups of people where I'd fall away from the conversation and I wouldn't know how to Come Back In but at 16 I had started working on that because I realized it was really hurting me and I had got new friends and I wanted to be a part of things well after I got my boyfriend he helped a lot with that because I felt terrible for not paying attention to him, and and now when he's awake and home I don't really daydream because I need to be invested and involved in my life. And he had done a good job of unknowingly taking up my, main para, Ander, his mantle. Ander has been with me for a long time he isnt the first para but he is the one that is always there, he is the para that took up the place as a soulmate role in my life, as a lover and a protector. And im now not leaning on him during every moment, Ander isnt just always there next to me now. Because I'm often not alone and honestly I feel like I'm cheating on my Boyfriend sometimes with him, and I feel so so terrible to have ander with me when my Boyfriend is around. And now ander also has started to change some to look like him in the face. But being loved and supported by someone I love and also want to support has made slowing down my madd even at all possible.

Furthermore being a mother is hard, I have a 11 month old little girl, and she relies on me for everything and I have to be active and apart of her development, not just active I have to push it along and find new and creative ways to help her grow and become a person. But madd is very intrusive. I feel like a terrible mom, I feel like I dont spend enough time doing active play with her. And its true I dont. ( on a side note my daughter is excelling and ahead on her milestones and I love her soooooooo much) but having my paras do things with me is something I have done for a while so it helps that in small ways i just include the daydreaming in with being a mom. But having a kid terrifies me, what if she falls behind because I'm not doing good, or if her speach isn't progressing right because I listen to earbuds and dont talk much. Or when she gets older how will I hide this. For now I just try not to think about it and anxiety over doing the wrong thing pushes me to be the mom she needs me to be, maybe not to the best of my ability but I try. Also thet i dont want my animals to watch me be a freak thing wayyy worse with a kid then a pet.

Having madd has made my life hard, probably in equal or greater amounts then it ever helped. I dont know how or if I ever will stop. But its getting easier and knowing really is half the battle. I'm not saying go get a Boyfriend to stop daydreaming, it totally dose not work. I have to stop myself from holding mine to ander's standard as far as comforting me or how he says things goes and that's so far from fair. But I am saying to find a good friend or a roommate someone you really trust, like talking to and being around ALOT. ( remember kids 72 hours non stop at least before moving in with someone.) And try to just be apart of being with them as.much as possible. Tell your paras being hydrated is important offer them some water and drink some yourself. Your paras are your coping mechanism and you should use them to help you move around interact with your world.

I know this is super long, but I never see anyone talk about relationships or being a parent and it's hard. If anyone wants to talk or had questions about whether or not I figured out how to get over something feel free to message me. I'm a stay at home mom and a homemaker, my whole life is self driven apparently I figure something out lol. Or if you want to know more about madd or my paras. I hope this helps show that there is hope for regular things in life like love and success even for people with madd. ( this was super hard for me to write hope it's not to bad)

@valiantlyfuturisticbarbarian thank you you have come to mean so much to me, and I could never quite thank you for being there for me.

[hell-s-r0ses]

Hey momblurs!!!

Your kid ever watch the same movie so much that it seems to get shorter?

I swear Space Jam is like 20 mins long now.

[mumstheword128]

[mysteriesteppe-blog]

The First Trimester

Currently I’m 13 1/2 weeks along, and it’s been 3 months of highs and lows. I’m sure most women can relate when I say I had expected to get through the first trimester without a problem; no morning sickness, maybe some fatigue and slight food aversion, but overall feeling totally myself. 

I was wrong. 

I will admit that I was lucky enough to not feel many symptoms until week 7, right after my first OB appointment. After that though, the roller coaster began. I’m not just talking about physical symptoms though, but the mental and emotional ones as well. Suddenly I questioned my husband’s and my decision- we had planned all of this and felt totally right trying for a baby at this time, so why was I full of doubt and regret? Why did I resent our choice? How was I supposed to be happy to accept a new member into our family? 

As weeks go by I have fewer days like this, but the mental struggle has been almost as difficult as the physical, which was a whole other beast to deal with. Who even throws up water anyways? 

I’ll be honest, morning sickness has been the worst. The new joke around the house is that we’re only doing this once.  I’ve had good days, and even a good week (week 12 was amazing and out of the blue), but I’ve lost 10 pounds that I’m struggling to get back (putting me under 100 pounds), I somehow have high blood pressure now, and eating food is just a struggle in general. It doesn’t help that nausea medication actually makes the sickness worse. 

I didn’t want to complain about pregnancy, and I didn’t want to seem like it was something I couldn’t handle. But I need to be real somewhere in a space that doesn’t matter, where I don’t have to suck it up and deal with it. Most days I have a hard time remembering I’m pregnant because I’m so sick- it just feels like 2 months of the flu. 

I miss being able to eat good food. I’m tired of tortilla chips, and bread, and popcorn. I’m tired of my stomach being triggered by nothing. I’m tired of it all at this point. I want to be there for my husband, I want to help out around the house again without feeling like I’ve been hit by a train.  

I’m struggling to remain positive, but I do have so, so much to be thankful for. Life is a miracle, and it is truly an honor to be able to grow a child that will one day call me “Mama”. I was able to go on a hike this weekend. I only threw up once in week 12. I have a devoted husband who is incredibly patient and helpful. I’ve been able to sleep better lately without heartburn. I work from home and can rest when I need to, and vomit in private. I’m almost to the second trimester. 

I can do this. Even if it’s just once. 

[iamontruth]

2018. Sacred. Protection. Healing. Sharing. Memories. Building. Connecting. Loving. 

[misadventures-in-mommying]

5 weeks early

It’s definitely been a crazy few days. On June 21st a little after 12 I went to the hospital because I knew something was wrong so we headed to the hospital. By 3 I was having consistent contractions 2 minutes apart and was a fingertip dialated. After several shots of trying to stop the contractions and shots to mature his lungs they gave me an ultrasound to check on him since his heart rate was dipping a lot with every contraction. By 6 I my placenta pulled apart and I started to hemorrhage. At 6:26pm my beautiful baby boy was born via emergency C section at 4lbs 10oz. He’s currently in the NICU trying to gain weight but after three days he was off all IVs and oxygen and regulated his own body temperature. He’s now In a regular crib and is up to full feeds but his eyes did look a little yellow today so I’m worried about his bilirubin levels. Just thought I’d catch everyone up. Hoping for the best with him I can’t wait to take him home. I never knew how bad I needed him until he was born.

[tinytwins]

Oh god.

So I had a doctors appointment today.. and found out I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. And it’s a grotesque amount.

This is extremely upsetting and painful to acknowledge.

I hope you all can support me on my journey to losing weight. This is my enough is enough time.

I’ve already signed up for weight watchers. (Feel free to me message me for a follow)

I’m thinking of signing up for a gym. (Probably just planet fitness again.)

Im going to go back to my diet I had while pregnant. (Which made me lose 20+ pounds)

I don’t even know what to say at this point.

[plentifulpeaches-blog1]

Felt cute yesterday. 💕

[flavoredart]

Clocking back into work after break is one of the most tiring things.

[softmomma-blog]

Went to the doctors and saw Baby K today!

I’m getting so emotional cause I still think its November and this baby a few weeks is only 1.5 inches long. Now he’s 25 weeks and a pound and 15 oz and coming in about 2.5 months! Sometimes I think days go by so slowly but they really don’t. Now I’m just really excited to see him.

[wildchild-w-wildchildren-blog]

This is me

Hiya other human beings! I am a young mother, still in college, with an almost one year old and a 17 week womb inhabitant. Both are boys. A stay at home mom that needs a place to decompress and laugh. 

[canimumblr]

Bubs now does have more of the barking cough. I called the nurse triage line last night, who suggested we bring her in to Urgent Care today (not because it’s an emergency situation, but just because she should be seen soon and the regular clinics aren’t open on Sundays). 

This morning I was feeding her before work and she stopped to cough several times and it looks and sounds like it hurts. She’ll cough three to five times in a row and by the time she’s done her eyes are all red and she looks just miserable. 

And of course, I have to work today, so I can’t even go to the doctor with her, but my husband will take her whenever she wakes up next. Hopefully there’s something that can be done. I just feel so bad for her.

[mumstheword128]

Exactly 🙄

[tinytwins]

13 down.

First week on my diet and I’ve lost 13 pounds. I attribute some of that to being sick. But still 13 pounds! I’m so happy with myself!

[plentifulpeaches-blog1]

I believe in you and your ability to birth 🌿

[flavoredart]

Clearly someone was not amused!🐰 #bunnyears #easter #baby #grumpyface #momlife #targetrun #babiesofinstagram #carseat #chicco #momblur #caffineandcuddles