#mom you're the one who made me watch good will hunting!!!

[desperatepleasures]

one time I used the ben affleck smoking reaction image in the family group chat and my mom replied with the funniest possible response which was: "mommy doesn't know who the guy is???" and that phrase has not left my brain since. I'll see blorbos on my dash that I don't recognize and I'll be like well it seems mommy doesn't know who the guy is.

[railingsofsorrow]

old habits

a/n: in honour of cm:evolution new trailer that I saw emily holding a pack of cigarettes.

pairing: emily prentiss x f!bi!BAU!reader

warnings/content: exes with feelings trope; smoking; past relationships; discussion about marriage and family being overbearing; this is sad.

navi

masterpost

cm masterlist

[part 2] [part 3]

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“you're back at it?”

emily's head tilted to watch you approach from her peripheral vision.

you watched as her grey strands fell from her shoulder as she turned her neck.

one of the best things emily did was let her hair take on her natural colour, instead of dying it black continuously. she's beautiful regardless, especially with messy hair and her sleepy face as soon as she wakes up— and now you're spiraling.

your brain seemed to forget that she's no longer your girlfriend and kept on hunting you with memories you can't get back to.

she was playing with the pack of cigarettes as she admitted out loud, “mhm. trying not to, but—”

“you're stressed.”

her lips quirked up and she looked up at you, a hint of a smile. it wasn't a happy one. “that's one way to put it.”

you looked down at your shoes as you leaned to where she was sitting. eye contact was something you couldn't hold for long, it was hard and awkward. it didn't used to be like that. you could stare at emily the entire day and not look away for a second.

“what's stressing you out?” your voice was slightly muffled by the collar of your coat. it was cold, you find it absurd how emily never even flinched at the wind. she had always been warmer than you but had the coldest hands on earth.

“just needed some fresh air.”

you offered her a blank look.

she closed the lid of the pack, leaving it aside before she spoke again. if she did that out of respect for you or if she didn't felt like smoking anymore, you didn't care. both were good reasons.

“what's stressing you out?” she threw back.

“my mom called.” you eyed her hand for a moment, wondering if they were still as cold as you remembered them to be. clearing your throat and shaking your head to deviate your thoughts to a better and solid place, you said, “she wants to know when I'm going to visit because, you know, uh... she wants to introduce me to someone.”

a beat.

“oh.” emily let out a forced chuckle. “she wants to set you up with a guy.”

“precisely.” which is what your mother always did, even after you introduced emily as your long term girlfriend. her calls were always about finding someone good for you while you were in a relationship.

it was frustrating but you could handle it since you were never at her place anymore. you visited, yes, but five times a year, maybe. never more than that. you never told her you and emily had broke up.

“and do you want it? to meet him?”

a scoff left your lips, “no. it will probably be some religious prick who will want to control my life like my dad controlled hers.”

“she must be crazy about the idea of planning your wedding.”

you nodded, staring distractedly into the horizon.

“probably,” you said, “but it's never happening, so.”

“why would you say that?” you could see her frown through her tone of voice. “it can still happen.”

you leaned back slightly, inhaling with your eyes closed. your nose was definitely pink and you were starting you feel your fingers become numb, but the night sky and the quietness made you enjoy the moment.

and the company, of course.

“i don't want to.”

“get married?” she had a puzzled look while she studied you. and you let her profile you in that moment, even if you despised when she did that. “you used to want it.”

there are some things that are better left unsaid. in order for you to end a cycle, you have to do something to move on. so you say things that need to be said and leave out the ones that will come to the surface later. the what ifs.

you blamed the moon for your choice or words next.

“i used to want it, yes. when I was with you.”

you ignored the deafening silence that installed itself between the two of you, deciding to bask in the rare peaceful moment without seeing dead bodies and without hunting serial killers.

“i didn't know that.” she surprised you by breaking the silence. you thought she would've just pretended you didn't say anything and move on.

move on.

why is it so hard?

“you thought about marrying me?”

yes, please, torture me like that, emily prentiss. you're awfully good at that.

“emily, I thought about everything with you.”

“why?” she sounded genuinely confused.

“because I loved you.” you said matter-of-fact. “and I... you know what? I'm gonna head back inside. it's freezing out here.” you abruptly cut the conversation short. otherwise you'd say something you'd regret later and all the moving on you did in the last few years would go down the drain. a moment didn't change anything.

emily's icy fingers held you by the elbow and your breath failed for a second.

“i'm sorry.”

“no, don't do that.” you begged, pulling your arm back and out of her reach. you'd done that before, you remembered how you ended up. you're not going back there again.

she let you go, folding her arms across her chest as if she felt cold for the first time that night. she eyed the pack of cigarettes, taking a minute to remind herself of the progress she made for not smoking in the past months.

and your voice rang through her head as walked back inside the building.

“it's not good for you.” you said one night when she thought you were sleeping. your arm wrapped around her middle and you tucked your nose in the crook of her neck. she leaned back immediately, her body finding the comfort in seek in your warm touch.

she pulled the cigarette away from her mouth and stared at it. “i know.”

you kissed the back of her shoulder, rubbing softly the side of her waist. “why'd you wake up? nightmare?”

“yeah, I didn't want to wake you up too.” she grimaced, turning her head so your eyes could meet. you gave her an eye roll.

“you didn't but you should. I don't like you alone with your mind catastrophizing everything.”

and look how she ended up.

lonely. with her mind catastrophizing everything.

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a/n: i need to write some emily fluff....

[attackfish]

So everybody here knows that I'm notorious for being a massive defender of Ursa, and that I have no patience for the "Ursa was a bad mother, she favored Zuko, and was abusive to Azula and abandoned her kids, and made Ozai abuse Zuko," narrative. That narrative is vile, victim blaming, and deeply stupid on a number of levels.

With that out of the way, I want to talk about some really really bad parenting we see Ursa do during the series. And it is to be clear really really bad.

In the Book Two episode, "Bitter Work", Zuko and Iroh have a conversation:

ZUKO: So Uncle, I've been thinking. It's only a matter of time before I run into Azula again. I'm going to need to know more advanced firebending if I want to stand a chance against her. I know what you're going to say, she's my sister and I should be trying to get along with her-

IROH: No, she's crazy, and she needs to go down.

This scene is a favorite of a certain type of Azula fan who wants to paint Iroh as a big meanie who didn't wave his magic redemption wand over Azula the way he clearly did over Zuko. See? See? He's writing her off here and calling her crazy.

This of course misses the context of that scene, which is that Zuko is taking care of a severely injured Iroh, who was injured by Azula, in what looked a heck of a lot like a murder attempt. Earlier in Book Two, in the episode, "The Avatar State", Azula unambiguously attempts to murder her brother after failing to capture him, and he is only saved by Iroh's quick reflexes.

But let's leave that argument aside for today because what interests me about this scene in the context of Ursa's parenting, is the line Zuko says right before Iroh's infamous declaration: "I know what you're going to say, she's my sister and I should be trying to get along with her."

Because in the context of Zuko and Iroh's situation, where Azula has recently attempted to kill Zuko, and just put Iroh into a coma that Zuko had to take care of him during, in which he has only just woken up from, this line from Zuko actually demonstrates some really warped thinking. It is not a healthy response to the situation at all. And his assumption is that a good caring parent figure like Iroh is going to respond to this situation by telling him that Zuko needs to get along with his sister, who is actively trying to hunt him down and capture or kill him.

So why does Zuko think that? What adult reacted that way to Azula's violence toward her brother in the past? It wasn't Ozai. Ozai is not going to use the language of getting along with one's siblings, when he is so bent on setting them against each other. So who was it?

The show answers this a few episodes before this scene, in the Book Two episode, "Zuko Alone." The answer is clear and heartbreaking: It was Ursa.

The scene in which this becomes plain, starts with Zuko and Ursa walking together. Mai spots them and smiles and blushes. Azula notices, and then turns to Ty Lee, and whispers, "Watch this!"

AZULA: Mom, can you make Zuko play with us? We need equal teams to play a game!

ZUKO: I am not cart-wheeling.

AZULA: You won't have to. Cart-wheeling's not a game, dum-dum.

ZUKO: I don't care. I don't want to play with you!

AZULA: We are brother and sister. It's important for us to spend time together. Don't you think so, Mom?

URSA: Yes, darling, I think it's a good idea to play with your sister. Go on now, just for a little while.

And then Ursa leaves Zuko alone with Azula and her friends.

There is a lot here that I want to talk about. I have in fact talked about this scene before, and what it tells us about Ursa's eagerness to reinforce Azula's seemingly kind and loving behavior: [Link], and even touched on why this is in fact an example of bad parenting from Ursa: [Link], but I think this deserves its own post, where we examine exactly what went on here, what this tells us about Ursa's parenting, and how this affected Zuko, and to a lesser extent, Azula.

In those previously linked posts, I talk about how this is clearly a pattern, that Azula has learned to predict and manipulate, and because we know it's a pattern, we know that this behavior on Ursa's part is repeated, and something her children have come to expect from her. Zuko and Azula know their mother wants her children to get along with each other, and love each other and have a good sibling relationship with each other so much that if Azula she plays into that, Ursa will force Zuko to spend time with his sister, and worse, that time will be unsupervised.

So, to be clear here, what Ursa is doing is giving Azula unsupervised access to her brother, against his will, as a reward for Azula momentarily acting nice. Or in other words, Ursa forces Zuko to spend time with his abuser against his will because she wants them to get along.

I think we can all see how that is some grade A terrible parenting.

And it does have negative effects on Azula. I think that we can see her learning how to manipulate people, learning how to lie and get what she wants from people, and that Ursa by giving her what she wants here, is showing her that this is a thing she can do to get what she wants. That is not a great lesson to teach your kid. I think it also feeds into Azula's possessiveness of her brother, and sense of entitlement towards him. She has learned that even the people who love and care about her brother, won't protect him from her. And she has learned that no matter what she does to him, he is supposed to try to get along with her.

These are some really terrible lessons, and we see some of the effects of them throughout the course of the show, so why is it that the "Ursa is a terrible mother" crowd never bring this up? I mean of course we know why, it doesn't fit their narrative. Their premise is not simply that Ursa is a bad mother, or even that her bad parenting explains Azula's behavior.

In fact frequently it isn't even about finding someone to blame for Azula's behavior, so that the responsibility isn't Azula's. (Which, to be clear is not how it would work anyway, because even if Ursa were exactly the type of horrible mother they said she was, Azula was still making the choices to do Very Bad Things, in the same way that just because Ozai is an abusive father, this doesn't mean Azula stopped being responsible for her own actions). It's more about proving that she has suffered enough that she deserves all the sympathy, and is allowed to be awful to other people, including Zuko, you know, as a treat.

The narrative that the "Ursa is a terrible mother" crowd are pushing is that Ursa didn't love her daughter, and thought she was a monster, Azula suffered so much, and it's so sad, and this is why she deserves to do very nasty things to everybody else, and no one should ever hold her accountable. Frequently there is some flavor of, "Zuko had a mother who loved him, you guys, unlike Azula, so he doesn't deserve sympathy, not like poor baby Azula!" Which is a deeply warped thought process on many many levels, but we're not going to go into that here.

The point is, that this type of bad parenting that I am pointing out here, doesn't fit this narrative, because this is not the kind of parenting mistake that a mother who doesn't love one of her children, and thinks that child is a monster, is going to make. This is the kind of mistake that a mother who loves her children very much, and wants them to have a good relationship, and doesn't recognize the threat that one of her children poses to the other, is going to make. In fact, the fact that she does it, proves that Ursa does in fact love her daughter and does not think she's a monster. So it does not fit the narrative these people are spinning, so they will never bring it up as an example of how Ursa was a bad mom.

Of course the other reason the "Ursa is a terrible mother" crowd aren't going to bring this part up is because it would mean acknowledging that Zuko deserved to be protected from Azula, and needed to be protected from Azula, when they were both children, which would go against the whole "she's a poor innocent child" thing they like to spin, and also because Azula is getting what she wants here, and Zuko is the one suffering, which is not going to get Azula any sympathy points.

And for the most part, Ursa was an excellent mother, who did the best job she could in horrible circumstances that she had very little control over, but she wasn't perfect, and she did make mistakes, which makes all of this a wonderful example of how even very good parents can make very bad choices that hurt their children and cause serious long-term damage.

I've talked some about the long term damage that Azula faces from this, learning about manipulation, and developing some really nasty entitlement issues with regards to her brother, but Zuko's long-term damage is if anything worse.

When we put this together with Zuko's line from "Bitter Work" quoted earlier, we can see that Zuko learns what Azula learns from the other angle, which is to say that he will not be protected from Azula by anyone, and not only will he not be protected, but he does not deserve to protect himself. Not only can he not defend himself, but he can't even protect himself by avoiding her. That's not allowed either. And in the face of her cruelty and violence towards him, it is still on him to make their relationship work, and to be clear, he should absolutely be making their relationship work. And the adults who love him are going to tell him this, no matter what Azula does to him.

I for one am really glad that Iroh is there to say no, that's a terrible idea, and you do not need to keep trying to get along with your sister who is trying to kill you. And it's significant that throughout Book Two, Iroh consistently protects Zuko from Azula, and teaches him what he needs to fight back.

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Dean Winchester Series (2+ parts)

Below you'll find series that have more than three parts and stories that are only two parters. If you see a story that only has two parts that you want to see more of, let me know!

Happy reading :)

*The image(s) I’ve used for the reader on the cover DOES NOT reflect what the reader actually looks like*

Series Rewrite Status: In Progress Summary: You became a hunter early on in life. You hunted with the Winchesters after your mom died and this is your story. It’s a messy one but it’s yours.

*The image(s) I’ve used for the reader on the cover DOES NOT reflect what the reader actually looks like*

You’re Not Alone Status: Completed Summary: You’ve been alone your entire life, watching as the world passes you by. Mental illness and the lack of self-esteem is your life until you meet Dean. Can he help you get back on track? Can he help you see you for who you really are? Can he help you realize that it’s never too late for love?

*The image(s) I’ve used for the reader on the cover DOES NOT reflect what the reader actually looks like*

Find Your Way Back Home Status: Completed Summary: The hunting life is never easy, especially for a kid. For someone who lives in a group home with a ton of siblings, hunting seems like a better alternative than being stuck in a prison for your entire childhood. Sam and Dean are good teachers and allow you to help when you can, but there is something about Dean that awakens something in you later in life… something you didn’t know you craved. You two are a ticking timebomb waiting to happen, but you always seem to find your way back to him regardless of what may happen between you.

*The image(s) I’ve used for the reader on the cover DOES NOT reflect what the reader actually looks like*

Deadly Proposal Status: In Progress Summary: You come from a very rare bloodline that makes your blood very rare to vampires. Your blood is special but you don't know it. When you meet Dean Winchester, he offers you the deal of a lifetime, but what happens when you let him into your life with your heart stitched onto your sleeve?

*The image(s) I’ve used for the reader on the cover DOES NOT reflect what the reader actually looks like*

Right After All Status: Completed Summary: One Man. Two Twins. One of them longs for the man's attention while the other gets to go home with him. One of them bares her heart for the man while the other steals his and doesn't give it back. He is faced with the ultimate decision. Which twin will he end up with?

*The image(s) I’ve used for the reader on the cover DOES NOT reflect what the reader actually looks like*

Past, Present, and Future Status: In Progress Summary: You have the power to manipulate time at will. You're the Time Stone. You were made for one reason and one reason only: to help other people. You go around to different worlds across every universe helping those who need it when you get called to Sam and Dean Winchester. You travel to the future and past for them only to create something that is either going to destroy you or help you.

*The image(s) I’ve used for the reader on the cover DOES NOT reflect what the reader actually looks like*

You Can’t Escape Your Past Status: Completed Summary: You and Dean take a much needed vacation to Cape Town for your two year anniversary. You thought it would be perfect and everything you ever wanted. What happens when your past decided to catch up with you?

*The image(s) I’ve used for the reader on the cover DOES NOT reflect what the reader actually looks like*

Raindrops Make Perfect Circles Status: Completed Summary: This is the story of how you got married to Dean Winchester and how it all played out.

*The image(s) I’ve used for the reader on the cover DOES NOT reflect what the reader and Deanna actually looks like*

Dean and Deanna Series Status: On Hold Summary: You and Dean have a daughter together and these are the special moments in life.

Tethered // Part Two Status: On Hold Summary: You and Dean have the most wonderful baby girl and you love her with all of your heart. You sing to her when she cries and you do anything you possibly can to make her smile. Dean hopes he can raise his daughter because there is one major thing missing… Or is there?

Love At First Sight // After All These Years Summary: You’re Dean’s soulmate but you didn’t know that when you first met him. That explains why you fell for him at the first sight.

Caught Red Handed // Part 2 Summary: You and Dean Winchester have a special bond. You’re madly in love with him. Until one day your whole world comes crashing down. How can you ever forgive him for hurting you so badly? Was it even his fault?

Hurt Her and I’ll Kill You // Part 2 Summary: You’re Bobby’s daughter and Dean has a huge crush on you. When Bobby finds out, he gives Dean the “dad” talk.

Sleeping Curse // Part 2 Summary: Your life has been linked to Sam’s so as long as he’s alive, you are asleep. You don’t know when you’ll wake up or what you’ll see when you do. You just can’t help but think what Dean is going through.

Out Of Touch // Part Two Summary: Dean kicked you out of his life when you needed him the most, and you've been surviving with your son for the next eight years. You two are reunited and he realizes just how badly he's fucked up. Can he fix it? Do you want it fixed?

[zuko-always-lies]

Unpopular Opinion: Ursa's parenting negatively affected Zuko

One of the fascinating things about the ATLA fandom is that people are utterly uninterested in analyzing how Ursa's parenting really screwed up Zuko, even though it's pretty clear. I don't mean to attack Ursa here, because I think she had good intentions, but, although her parenting was far better than Ozai's, it contributed to Zuko's many poor decisions.

I've given a broader coverage to values Ursa extols to her children elsewhere. The general point you should take away from that is that Ursa was critical in instilling imperialist values in her children and in teaching them to respect/obey the Firelord.

However, that's not the point I will belabor here. I want to turn to something else. Let's take a look closely at the scene where Zuko tries to perform Azula's firebending routine in front of his grandfather and his father but falls flat on his face:

Ozai frowns at this news. Zuko starts off well, doing the same circular motions as Azula earlier. He manages to produce a small fire blast, which does not impress Fire Lord Azulon. When he tries to create another one, he falls. He gets back up, panting heavily, and tries again, only to fall harder. Ursa gets up worriedly and approaches Zuko to comfort him. Young Zuko: I failed. Ursa: No. I loved watching you. That's who you are, Zuko. Someone who keeps fighting even though it's hard.

The lesson that Zuko learns from Ursa here is that his gift is stubborn persistence and that he should never stop trying to meet the toxic expectations of the Fire Nation royal court and of his father(she also might have inadvertently encouraged the Zuko-Azula sibling rivalry).

How do we know this is what Zuko took away from this? These scenes are paired together at the end of "Zuko Alone," as Zuko struggles to defeat Gow:

In the flashback, Zuko is sleeping in his room at night when a hand gently touches his shoulder. He awakens drowsily to see his mother dressed in a cloak.

Young Zuko: … Mom? Ursa: Zuko, please, my love, listen to me. Everything I've done, I've done to protect you. She pulls the barely conscious Zuko into a hug. Ursa: Remember this, Zuko. No matter how things may seem to change, never forget who you are.

and this scene:

Gow: Who ... who are you? Zuko:My name is Zuko. Son of Ursa and Fire Lord Ozai. Prince of the Fire Nation, and heir to the throne. Old man: Liar! I heard of you! You're not a prince, you're an outcast! His own father burned and disowned him!

Zuko took Ursa's advice to never give up and never forget who he was to heart, and as a result even though he's been burned, banished, and declared a traitor, even though he objectively has no real chance of getting his status and Ozai's favor back at this point, Zuko is still trying to do that and refuses to let go of his long-lost position in the Fire Nation as crown prince. The smart thing to do would be to give up and move on, but Zuko refuses to do that.

We can also turn to what Zuko says to Aang in "The Siege of the North, II":

Zuko: I finally have you, but I can't get you home because of this blizzard. [Stands up and looks outside the cave.] There's always something. Not that you would understand. You're like my sister. Everything always came easy to her. She's a firebending prodigy, and everyone adores her. My father says she was born lucky. He says I was lucky to be born. I don't need luck, though. I don't want it. I've always had to struggle and fight and that's made me strong. It's made me who I am.

All of this brings me back to my main point. Ozai might have been the one who burned and banished Zuko, who abused him and declared him a traitor, who demanded that Zuko capture the Avatar, but Ursa is the one who taught Zuko the persistence that made him chase after legends for three years, that made him take reckless risk after reckless risk, that made him continue chasing the Avatar even after Ozai was having him hunted as a traitor across the Earth Kingdom.

The biggest problem in Zuko's life is that he refuses to let go of his dream of regaining Ozai's favor, that he refuses to accept that Ozai doesn't love and move on and find something better to center his life around, and from what we see Ursa played a huge role in this, because she taught Zuko to never give up trying fulfilling the expectations of Ozai and the court, no matter how many times he failed. Ursa wasn't intending ill, but her parenting had a huge negative effect on Zuko's life.

[fated-mates]

Elda Minger was the first romance novelist to put condom use on the page. When we spoke to her about the choice she made, she told us about the realities of the world before Roe, when abortion was neither safe nor legal. This remains one of the most powerful conversations we’ve had on Fated Mates, and we are so lucky that Elda came to talk to us.

As we watch women die throughout the country in the wake of draconian abortion bans, we hope you’ll listen to Elda, and make a plan to vote for this Tuesday.

-

Transcription:

I remember the reason I put in the condom, and this is funny 'cause I hadn't thought about this in years, this will sound like the Stone Age to you guys because you're much younger. I grew up in a town, I went to high school in a town of 1200 people. It was still very much a, I would call it a boy's town, like lots of hunting, fishing, ice fishing, skiing, sledding. Women were, you know, married young, had their kids and kind of disappeared is the only way I can put it. They disappeared. And marriage, I remember Jessie Bernard once said, a sociologist, she said, "Marriage is a great deal for men and children, but not so great for women." And I remember reading that and thinking, "Yep." When women did not have access to birth control, and biologically, the sex drive is strong. I had numerous friends who got pregnant, and back in the day, there was no abortion. If you could find a doctor you could go, you could get someone to do the job, and then if you started bleeding out, you went to the emergency room. And I had two friends, older sisters, they told me later on, it was like the most terrifying experience of their lives, which is why abortion must always be safe and legal. But you had two choices. And I had two girlfriends in high school who, their beginning of their senior year or summer of their junior year, whatever, they went to visit their aunt, and they came back and they looked gutted. And I never forgot the look in their eyes, like dead eyes, because they had had their baby and given it up for adoption, because that was the option or you cornered the guy and married him, and if he thought he was trapped, it was not a good marriage, and it usually ended up in divorce. So birth control back then, I worked at a drugstore and the condoms were in a glass case behind the pharmaceutical counter. You could only buy them if you were married. This is how bad things were. You know, when I look back, it's like God, it was like the Stone Age. But the thing was, I couldn't in good faith, and all the romances, the historicals of course, they would have sex and then she'd be pregnant and there'd be a big brouhaha, but in the end he would love the baby. But with a contemporary I thought, "I can't do this. I can't do this." And I had interesting parents because my mother is from Puerto Rico, staunch Roman Catholic, could not have the sex talk with me. So my dad was like, "This is very embarrassing, but we're going to have the sex talk, and I don't think I can look at you while we do this, but you need to be protected." And I remember he told me, "Teenage boys will do anything. They would do a knothole in a plank. You have to understand this about male nature. And he said, "They will tell you, "I love you." They will promise you the moon and you are a very romantic girl, and you will have sex with him. And Monday morning he will be telling all his friends at school and you will be brokenhearted." And that did happen to one of my girlfriends, where she gave it up to a guy, and she was the town pump for the last two years of high school, and she never had a boyfriend because she didn't dare. And I remember thinking, "God, that's awful!" But you know, my dad taught college and he said, "Many a woman's college career was derailed because some guy said, "I love you. I'll be with you forever." And she ended up raising the baby with her and her mom and dropping out of school. And he said, "I don't want that for you. I don't know how more plainly to put it." And I was like, "Got it, Dad. Got it." Because he was pretty, I mean he said, "I don't expect you to be a virgin when you're married. It's different times, but pick a man who likes women." And I was at 16, so stupid, 14, "Daddy, all men like women." And he's like, "No, they don't. Pick a man who really does like and treasure women." So when I approached Untamed Heart, I thought, "Okay, I've got to somehow put birth control into it." And I said to Vivian, "Can I do that?" And she said, "If you can figure out a way to make it work, I'm all for it."

[swordofsun]

One of the things I have discussed ad nauseum with @ilarual and @mybrainproblems is how Dean doesn't give John a denouncement in Lebanon because he doesn't need to give John a denouncement. He's already done it. Just because John wasn't there doesn't mean it didn't serve the same purpose for Dean.

Yes, I'm talking about 03x10 Dream A Little Dream Of Me:

DREAM DEAN

Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument.

(angry)

Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?

DEAN

(angry)

Son of a bitch!

DEAN pushes DREAM DEAN hard, knocking him into the wall above the desk.

DEAN

(screaming angrily)

My father was an obsessed bastard!

DREAM DEAN tries to get up and DEAN kicks him down on the desk again. DEAN holds the weapon as a bat and hits DREAM DEAN once and then pins him to the wall with it.

DEAN

All that crap he dumped on me, about protecting Sam! That was his crap. He's the one who couldn't protect his family. He-

DEAN steps back and swings the weapon again, hitting DREAM DEAN twice.

DEAN

He's the one who let Mom die.

DEAN pins DREAM DEAN again.

DEAN

– who wasn't there for Sam. I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me.

He backs away from DREAM DEAN.

DEAN

And I don't deserve to go to Hell!*

The catharsis is admitting that John was unfair and expected too much. It doesn't actually need to be said to John. This is stuff Dean needs to acknowledge in himself. To accept and move forward with that knowledge. It's finally verbalized this that allows him to admit to Sam that he doesn't want to die and he doesn't want to go to hell.

But I also realized today that Dean does also get that yelling at John moment. He just doesn't get to remember it until 04x15 when Tessa gives him back his memories of 02x01.

JOHN is sitting by DEAN'S bed; !DEAN STANDS NEARBY.

!DEAN

Come on, Dad. You've gotta help me. I've gotta get better, I've gotta get back in there. I mean, you haven't called a soul for help. You haven't even tried. Aren't you going to do anything? Aren't you even going to say anything?

(he starts walking around the bed)

I've done everything you have ever asked me. Everything. I have given everything I've ever had. And you're just going to sit there and you're going to watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you?**

And, again, it doesn't matter that John doesn't hear any of this. Because it's not for John. It's for Dean. Dean's the one who needed to acknowledge everything John did to him. And he does. He just doesn't have the need to then talk about it with other people or waste the short period of time he has with John in Lebanon hashing over stuff he's already dealt with.

He even gets an acknowledgment from John that he was wrong to raise Dean the way he did. He just followed it up by giving Dean one last shitty order. But he still does say:

JOHN

You know, when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt, and after what I'd seen, I'd be, I'd be wrecked. And you, you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in the eye and you'd... You'd say "It's okay, Dad"

(pauses)

Dean, I'm sorry.

DEAN

What?

JOHN

You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know, I put, I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you.**

By the time Lebanon comes around he's dealt with all this crap. He's had his moments of yelling about the unfairness of it all. He's dealt with his issues around Mary making the deal in the first place and not leaving them any warnings or explanations.***

Lebanon is about healing an old hurt that's been festering since he was 4 years old. It's giving him one last happy family meal. Why would he ruin that by yelling at John about things he's already dealt with?

SAM

How did this happen?

DEAN

I-I-I don’t know. You said that the – the pearl gives you what your heart desires, right? So, my heart desired – I – I’ve wanted this, man. I’ve – I’ve wanted this since I was 4 years old.

SAM

Okay, I know, and I-I-I-I love this, too, Dean. I do, honestly, but – but messing with time –

DEAN

No, no, no, Sam.

SAM

You know how this ends. Things change.

DEAN

Yeah, great – we got our family back together. I’ll take that change.

SAM

That’s not what I mean.

DEAN

Stop. Just stop, okay? Look, can – can we just have one family dinner? Just one? Us – all of us together. That’s all I want. Can you just give me that?****

I think sometimes people get so focused on what they'd like to see that they forget what would actually make sense for the characters. Dean's had his denouncements and Lebanon is about reaffirming his happiness on where he is now.

JOHN

No, son. My fight. It was supposed to end with me, with Yellow Eyes. But now you – you are a grown man, and I am incredibly proud of you. I guess that I had hoped, eventually, you would… get yourself a normal life, a peaceful life, a family.

[DEAN nods. He smiles.]

DEAN

I have a family.****

*03x10 Transcript

**02x01 Transcript

***See 12x22 Who We Are

****14x13 Transcript

[misc-obeyme]

I'M ALIVE (BARELY) !! Work is kicking my ass. Also, lots of things went wrong for me this morning, but they all worked out in the end ?? Like I forgot to set my alarm, had to bring my mom's phone to her job bc she forgot it, my bus ended up running late because the doors would get stuck at stops. But I woke up on time, caught the bus after taking the phone, and made it early to work because the bus forgot to take the detour? My luck is insane (thanks Mammon.)

ANYWAY, i can no longer contain my thoughts about Mammon x Solomon x Mc. I'm just imagining my mc and Solomon who are both very curious, and love messing around with potions at purgatory hall, and finding alternatives to rare ingredients. This has definitely gone wrong a bunch of times (most days without a potion incident: 4)

and I'm imagining Mammon tagging along bc he misses mc and is jealous that Sol is taking up their time, but denies all claims - "I'm assigned to protect ya, ain't I?" "From Solomon?" "W-Well, he's a shady sorcerer!"

He sits on the floor by mc's feet, and will fetch them things because he can't say no to them. But he spends so much time listening to them brainstorm, he starts learning and will chime in randomly. Mc and Sol who are stuck on what to add, Mammon drops something in there, and they're both horrified until they realize the potion is perfect now. He just has a little database in his mind of what to add to something, and rare ingredients that the two wish they could get their hands on.

Thinking about Mammon doing a favor for a witch and she tells him to pick anything in her collection since she's low on money. He was about to be angry when he saw an ingredient that they've both been complaining is rare and hard to find. He asks the witch for that and then brings it to the two. He acts all nonchalant about it, trying to brush it off. Mc tackles him, meanwhile Solomon is in awe and staring with a twinkle in his eye.

Now Mammon starts requesting trades with witches, for a lower portion of grimm. Gets ingredients he knows they dream about, because the way mc and sol will get all giddy after he presents them with his earnings makes his stomach flip (he will never admit this)

"This is missing something" Solomon

"Yeah but I can't figure out what" MC

"Have you tried *insert seemingly common ingredient that doesn't work for most things*" Mammon

"But no one uses that, it's why we're always stuck with it" MC

"Couldn't hurt to try. See, watch." Mammon.

"WAIT, MAMMON DON'T- ... IT WORKED!?" Mc/Sol

----

"MAMMON HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET THIS, IT ONLY BLOOMS ONCE EVERY 100 YEARS" mc

"Dunno, got it from a random witch. Said she didn't need it. *spent two hours haggling with said witch*"

"...am I in love?" Solomon, reevaluating life

"Eh? What are ya mumbling about? If you're gonna thank me, I want it loud and clear!"

my crack ship <3 they mean everything to me. I caved and hunted down the plushies of them on ebay too. ALSO I GOT TWO OF MY COMMISSIONS BACK AND I'M 😭 they're perfect !!! I'm so so happy with them. Literally the lock screen is beautiful bc it's me and mammon cuddling (HIS MUSCLES CC!! IM DYING) and it looks like it was taken by like asmo or something who walked in to wake us up.

i think I'm also a hopeless romantic, I'm just scared of confronting my feelings lol (you're right in that it is worth it, I just need to figure out how to be brave </3). I throw myself into romance books and fanfics. Vaguely related, thinking about coffee shop au with barista!Mammon and college student!Solomon.

OKAY SORRY IM DONE RAMBLING 😭 HAVE A GOOD DAYYYY

- ✨ anon

Wow that does sound like a crazy morning!! I'm glad it all worked out, though~ Mammon is totally watching out for you!

OKAY but all of that sounds exactly like Mammon! I mean, he's super smart, he just doesn't usually bother to apply himself to anything. So it totally makes sense that he'd just pick up things because he's spending time with MC and Solomon. And then of course he's gonna end up seeing rare ingredients and being like, okay yeah I'm taking that. That all sounds absolutely adorable~

I'm curious about whether or not Solomon and Mammon would make a pact in this situation? I mean, if it's both of them and your MC that are in the relationship, do you think they would? Do you think Solomon would move past his obsession with getting a pact with Lucifer and end up in one with Mammon instead?

I always felt like Solomon doesn't really get Mammon, you know? But that doesn't mean he can't learn. And oh man, Solomon is such a tease and Mammon is so not good at being teased lol. That idea is giving me so many entertaining images, I can't even handle it.

Anyway, I'm totally here for it! It sounds really cute~

I'm so glad you're happy with your comms!!! They sound amazing!

And don't worry, you'll figure it out. I don't know how old you are, but I suspect you have plenty of time! It's a balancing act, you know? It's important to be honest with yourself about your feelings without letting them control you. But it's easier to decide what to do about them if you know what they are. Anyway, not to get all philosophical over here lol. I think the key is to find someone you want to be brave for, you know?

AUGH I love coffee shop aus sooooooo much!!! I was very obsessed with the idea of barista!Mammon for a while, mostly because of a daily chat where he was working at a cafe and then got into a fight with customer. He's good at finances, so I think he could be pretty business minded if he wanted to be. So I was thinking about a situation where he owns his own cafe, but when the customers get rude with one of his fellow baristas, he gets into a fight with them lol. I hadn't really considered who that other barista was, but it could be MC.

Anyway, I could ramble about coffee shop aus all day because I love them aklsdlkfjdfjkl

I hope you have a lovely day/night, too!!

[acherons-blade]

i've been thinking of a way to word this post/my thoughts about how aventurine's ptsd is written for a very long time, but to be honest, the only thing i can say is that as someone who has ptsd-like symptoms, how hoyo represented aventurine's ptsd means a lot to me.

(more elaboration on how well i think aventurine's ptsd is written under the cut)

before we start off, i'm going to be talking about various ptsd symptoms as stated by the dsm-5 (source). i'm not diagnosing aventurine, but by how the dsm-5 categorizes ptsd and various things aventurine experiences, i hope to show how people can see themselves in aventurine.

first off, it's abundantly clear aventurine has gone through a lot. quite literally the first thing the dsm-5 looks into before diagnosing ptsd is:

aventurine has gone through literally all of these. from being hunted down in the desert, watching his mom and sister die, being sold into slavery, and it being implied he gets into life or death situations by the ipc (from aventurine's future saying: "When you were strapped to that electric chair by Iymanikan warlords, who was it that gave you the idea?")--to say he's been through the wringer would be an understatement.

now, here's where we get into the symptoms. it's a short scene, but upon seeing his slave chains in the maze, aventurine does experience a flashback to him first being branded upon seeing it. it's a short one, but flashbacks don't have to be very long (source). he also has it, seemingly out of nowhere, which is something a lot of flashbacks tend to feel like.

and after he gets the flashback and aventurine's future taunts him about it, he tries to change the topic and gets irritated at future aventurine trying to rub salt in the wound.

which is also something the dsm-5 notes as relating to ptsd:

and it's clear that aventurine does not have a good self-image of himself. here's just a few examples:

(source)

and negative self-image is also another symptom of ptsd that is listed on the dsm-5

and considering aventurine is also described as "reckless" by other characters (and literally tries to kill himself in penacony) as well as experiences nightmares, i think it's safe to say he has self-destructive tendencies

now considering how many of the symptoms he has that's associated with ptsd, it's really clear how people with ptsd can see themselves in aventurine, even if it isn't "confirmed" that aventurine has ptsd

however, and i want to note, something about aventurine is that he's a character who's clearly more than his trauma, even if he still is effected by it after it happened. although his self-image is that he's nothing without his luck, the fact hoyo took so many steps to humanize him makes the audience to realize that aventurine is wrong about his worth, and he is worth more than his luck.

from including the detail that he always kept his dad's shirt, despite everything's he's been through, stole his mothers necklace back because it's one of the last things she left behind, giving a gift to the trailblazer in case he never made it back, and even something as small as giving him cat cakes and a messy room in promotional material, makes him relatable and shows rather than tells the audience that aventurine has a life, his own preferences, and his own morals and wishes.

and the fact that he's so much more than just "traumatized", means a lot to me, as someone who has ptsd symptoms. i'm not going into detail for obvious reasons, but constantly being effected by everyday things really does make you feel like you can never "grow from" your trauma--especially since it's something you're constantly reminded of.

but aventurine being a character who's clearly much more than what he's gone through makes me feel really hopeful, you know? it's like a reminder to zoom out and realize there are more aspects to you than your trauma. it doesn't go away, but you can learn to live to a life beyond it, and i think that's a reminder that means a lot to me. and i love the way aventurine is portrayed because of that :)

[mikiemcsmitty]

Fictober Day 1

prompt: "That was good work"

Fandom: Supernatural

Character: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester

Rating: General

Summary:

Sam's POV: Dean attending Sam's school play "Our Town" (as referenced by Dean in season 1 episode 16)

Dad’s not here.

Of course, Dad’s not here, Sam thought to himself as he peeked out from the curtain. 

Ever since he became a teenager and started developing his own interests, John had started giving him less and less attention. All of his parental attention was reserved for Sam’s more hunting-inclined older brother. 

It wasn’t like Sam was really vying for his father’s attention in the first place; after all, John had no interest in anything but the chase. ‘Finding the thing that killed Mom’ had been his life goal for as long as Sam could remember. There wasn’t really room for John to be a dad to kids who weren't his perfect little soldiers. Dean could play that role well, but Sam… Sam wanted to have a normal life. A life that John couldn’t give him. At 8 years old Dean had to be the one to teach him how to throw a baseball and at 11 Uncle Bobby had to be the one to teach him how to ride a bike. All John did was teach him how to load a pump action shotgun with rock salt. 

Sam was used to being dropped in a random motel in a random state to get through half a semester before being picked up to start over somewhere else. Six months was the longest he had ever been at one school. This new school in Colorado was nothing different. At least it wouldn’t be different if it wasn't his first semester alone, but Sam was starting his sophomore year without Dean. Ever since dropping out of high school to be a full-time hunter, Dean was hardly around anymore. 

With all this newfound free time Sam decided to look into after-school activities to keep his mind off of how alone he now felt. It also let him stay at school longer so he didn’t have to walk half a mile back to an empty motel room so soon. 

Drama club wouldn’t have been his first choice but the kids seemed nice and sometimes they would practice until 11 pm on Fridays so it was perfect for keeping busy. 

Sam had an unnatural talent for acting developed from the years of having to lie to everyone around him including his own father sometimes. This landed him the role of George Gibbs, the male lead of the fall play.

-----

“So how's school going,” came Dean’s voice from the other end of the phone one week prior.

“It’s fine I guess,” Sam said flatly.

“Oh, come on you gotta tell me all the high school drama now that I'm not there to witness it myself.” 

“I… wouldn’t know.”

“Don't tell me you’re spending all your time in the library again.”

“No... Dean look I gotta go–”

“No no no come on Sammy tell me how it's really going.”

Sam sighs. He knew Dean wouldn't understand his sudden desire to act but he opened up anyway. “I joined the drama club…”

There was a pause on the other end. “...I leave you alone for 2 months and you've already gone full-fledged geek.” Even though they were talking on a phone Dean could swear he could hear Sam’s eyerolls. “So are you playing Dorthy or are you more of a wicked witch kind of guy.” 

“I’ll have you know I got the MALE lead roll,” Sam protested.

“Wait for real,” Dean said dropping the mocking tone. 

His sincerity made Sam get self-conscious again. “Yeah… look just… dont tell dad ok?”

“Why not I'm sure he’d love to know how you're doing.”

“If he wants to know he can call me himself…”

Dean nods softly even though Sam can’t see it. “Well look, I gotta go for real now but... what day is the play?”

“It's next Friday,” Sam said with a sigh.

“Alright break a leg.”

-----

Sam looked out into the crowd again watching as other kids' parents filed in. He knew Dean well enough to know he would tell their dad despite his wishes but Sam didn’t expect John to actually do anything with the information. Despite that feeling, he couldn't stop himself from scanning the crowd every few minutes while they waited to start. Sure enough, there wasn’t a single familiar face anywhere to be seen.

When it was finally time to start Sam took his position and waited for his queue. Once the curtain finally rose he looked out and that's when he saw him. Not his Dad but one better. His older brother. Dean Rushed in clearly disheveled from not showering after a run-in with a monster. He was standing in the back and breathing heavily from running to get there in time but that didn’t stop him from waving at his little brother when they locked eyes. 

"That was good work you did out there,” Dean said affectionately while ruffling Sam’s hair at the end of the show. 

"Just you?" Sam asked. He didn't have to specify, Dean knew what he meant. Sam was wondering if Dad was coming or had any intentions of coming.

"Just me," Dean responded.

[the-lark-ascending69]

Hi!! I really loved your werewolf!max headcanons you posted a while back<3

Since the last point was a bit of a gut punch I wondered if you had any hcs about how her werewolf side reacts to/influences her injuries/coma/possible disabilities an the likes

Hiii hello it actually took me a ridiculously long time to find the post you're reffering to but here I have it! Link

Mmm I imagine werewolves are stronger when near the full moon, and they're at their weakest during the new moon. So what I'm imagining is that Max wakes up during the first full moon after falling into a coma, turning into a wolf and running away. No one at the hospital knows how they could have possibly lost a kid in a coma, but the party can instantly tell what's up and they go into the woods to find her.

I swear Max nearly kills Lucas when she sees him. Maybe it's something wolves have - affection aggression turning into aggresion aggression when they're under a lot of stress. She growls and bares her teeth and tbh, Lucas is terrified, but he refuses to leave her despite everyone else telling him to run.

He speaks softly and cracks a joke or two and eventually, she runs into the woods. They find her in the junkyard at dawn, curled up and asleep and naked and covered in dirt. For a moment, they worry she went into a coma again, but then she stirs when Nancy and El wrap a blanket around her, and she insults Steve when he carries her into the back of his car, and they all celebrate because it means she's back.

It takes some time for her to adjust to her new reality. She's left with a lot of problems - mostly her sight and motor skills. Her symptoms fluctuate a lot with the phases of the moon. Around full moons, she can see pretty okay-ish while wearing glasses, even being able to read on her own, but during new moons she's pretty much blind. She can also walk without mobility aids for two or three days a month, even managing to skate a little the day before a full moon, despite being a lot slower. She needs a wheelchair the rest of the month.

Her senses of smell and hearing have always been good, but now they've become so much sharper. She can recognize everyone by scent alone, and by the sound of their footsteps and breathing.

She's tired a lot more after her coma, so if new moons made her a bit moody and sleepy before, now they're much more debilitating. She can barely get out of bed now from sheer exhaustion, but it's fine, her friends got her covered. It's mostly Lucas and El who visit, but Dustin, Will and Mike will come over every now and then and burn down her kitchen trying to bake something decent for what El calls a "boys-girls daytime sleepover" (Lucas thinks that's just a normal hang-out, but El insists that it's different because they're going to bake cookies and paint their nails). The excuse they give her mom is that they're helping her keep up with school, but they always end up watching a movie or playing games instead.

She's at her healthiest when in wolf form. Some nights, she can run, jump, play and hunt just like she did before, without feeling any pain. Most days, though, she can walk and maybe trot, but it always hurts a little bit. There are days in which she could walk, but she's too exhausted and weak to get out of her room. Lucas and El are there for her when that happens, and they just talk to her and listen to some music. It's kind of lap dog behavior, Max thinks, to be an apex predator but lay on a comfy bed asking for head pats from her boyfriend and her best friend, but it's nice. It's different from hiding under her bed all night, back when Neil and Billy were around.

[littlestarlost]

You're Probably Taking Yellowjackets too literally, and there's still time to stop.

So there's like two months until the second season premiere of Yellowjackets, and as someone who was watching the show literally from the night of the pilot premiere, I have some Thoughts about how the fandom reacted to a lot of the show's mysteries at the time of airing, how a rewatch of the full first season feels after getting all that info piecemeal week after week, and how, in my humble opinion, people are simply misunderstanding a MASSIVE part of the show's conceit. So here's that rant, because I just rewatched season 1, and very few shows make me want to write full-blown essays like this one. You should absolutely watch the show if you haven't yet, ESPECIALLY if you are AFAB or femme or were raised and socialized female. Because hooooooo boy.

One: What is Yellowjackets?

Yellowjackets is a television show that made its debut in the last few weeks of 2021. It stars Melanie Lynskey, Tawny Cypress, Christina Ricci, and Juliette Lewis as four women who, as teenagers, survived a harrowing plane crash with their high school soccer team which left them stranded in the Canadian wilderness for a year and a half. The series opens with a scene that really heavily implies that the girls resorted to cannibalism to survive during their ordeal, but we still do not know the specifics of how that came to be.

The show flips between following the adult survivors in the year 2021 and flashing back to the accident in 1996. The four main survivors--Shauna (Lynskey as an adult, Sophie Nélisse as a teen), Tai (Cypress as an adult, Jasmin Savoy Brown as a teen), Misty (Ricci as an adult, Sammi Hanratty as a teen) and Natalie (Lewis as an adult, Sophie Thatcher as a teen)--are all shown suffering from various levels and types of post-traumatic stress disorder, as you might imagine one would deal with if one had survived a fucking plane crash and cannibalism as teenagers. Without going deep into spoiler territory, let's just say that some shit goes down, and the first season concludes without a single piece of eaten flesh.

Two: Why is Yellowjackets Good?

These things are obviously subjective, but in my opinion Yellowjackets is one of the best pieces of fiction ever made about female trauma, specifically. When we meet the four adult survivors, none of them are doing well: Shauna chafes against her role as a stay at home wife and mom, seeking out an affair with a mysterious younger man because her world feels far too small; Taissa is running for state senate, but the stress of the election is causing the breakdown of her marriage and massive stress to her son; Natalie is in and out of rehab, actively suicidal and incapable of self-care; and Misty is a nurse who uses her role as a caretaker to manipulate and control everyone around her. Their various issues all stem not just from the plane crash, but also from the traumas that have been sprinkled throughout their lives up to the crash as well; Misty was a bullied social outcast, Natalie came from an abusive home, Shauna was constantly in her best friend Jackie's shadow, and Tai is a gay Black woman, with more than enough generational trauma to go around.

As a high school soccer team, all of these characters had their place in the hierarchy; but the crash upends that hierarchy. The queen bee is utterly useless out in the woods; the off-putting weirdo is suddenly the closest thing they have to a medical professional (she took babysitting training twice). Being in the closet no longer matters when you have to know how to hunt and clean a deer if you don't want to starve. Being the golden girl's best friend no longer carries the leverage it once did if you're more useful to the group than the golden girl. One person's hidden mental illness becomes a massive problem because she only took enough meds to cover the few days they were supposed to be away; another girls' religiosity becomes a lifeline in a mire of confusion and fear. The adults in the room are gone, and the already complex social structures of teenage girlhood become even more confusing when lives are literally on the line.

Three: What's Wrong With the Response to the Show?

The thing about Yellowjackets is that it has the misfortune of existing in the world that JJ Abrams has made, and JJ Abrams fucking destroyed the concept of mystery for an entire generation. For this, he will never be allowed to enter the kingdom of Heaven. May God have mercy on his soul.

Yellowjackets purposefully doesn't give us all the answers we want when we want them, and the setup of its many mysteries--how did the girls get rescued? Who gets eaten and when? What's with the weird symbol carved on the trees near the crash site?--includes allusions to possible--POSSIBLE--supernatural explanations. And as a result of JJ Abrams being one of the most irresponsible storytellers on the planet, I watched the media and fan response to Yellowjackets spiral into the same kind of mystery-box-solving, "MOVIE ENDING EXPLAINED IN 10 MINUTES" youtube video type of bullshit. It's dismaying because, at least in my opinion, it demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of what the showrunners are actually trying to explore, which is the fact that trauma does not resolve itself when given a tidy answer, and tidy answers simply do not exist anyway.

There are flashbacks inside flashbacks, pieces of the characters' childhoods that help to develop their backstories. One excellent example is the Man With No Eyes, a spectre first introduced in a flashback with Taissa as she watches her beloved grandmother die.

She sees The Man With No Eyes again in the woods, and then again as an adult spiraling into a psychotic episode. More intriguingly, Tai's son Sammy seems to imply knowledge of the Man With No Eyes too, despite the fact that Taissa has never told him about it. So, the fans wondered--how could he know? What could it mean? Is the Man a ghost? Is Sammy telepathic?

No.

The Man With No Eyes is a visual representation of generational trauma, and a really great one at that. Taissa does not come up with him; she learns of him from her grandmother, who sees him in her last terrified moments on this earth; it is a fear that is passed onto her children and grandchildren, despite having no explanation or origin. And generational trauma passes down to your kids, even when you don't vocalize it; that's what makes it generational trauma. Sammy inherits his mother's trauma, and in the absence of an answer he grasps for his own explanations for the spectre haunting him.

Another issue I take is with people trying to red-string-and-pushpin their way into a full explanation of the events we see. The crash survivors find a lake with an abandoned cabin nearby, where they can take more permanent shelter; why was there a mummified corpse in the attic? Why wasn't there a road from the cabin that they could follow to civilization? How far into the Canadian wilderness could they really be, to not be found for nineteen months?

It doesn't matter. If you're asking those questions, then you're not paying attention. You're missing the forest for the trees.

Four: Yellowjackets is a Show About Trauma

The thing about trauma is that it impacts every part of you. Nothing is ever the same, and the great agony of recovery is having to reconcile that painful truth. Another thing about trauma is that it defies logic and reason; there is no reason for why this happened to you and not to someone else. There is no tidy answer for every loose end. A lack of knowledge in the moment leads to actions which have consequences, and all the hindsight in the world can't change those decisions you made.

But one of the keenest and sharpest observations that Yellowjackets makes about trauma is the rather hilarious fact that we are all somehow supposed to just......go on living after it. Without getting help, without rending ourselves to ash and dust to be remade, without shrieking our anguish to the sky until we spit blood--we're just supposed to move on, to compartmentalize and keep going, to show up at work or school every single fucking day and just pretend that we're fine. And that doesn't just apply to major traumas like a fucking plane crash, but to all the tiny little traumas that come along with being a girl in society: the bullying, the ostracizing, the family issues, the generational trauma, the friendship breakups and emotional schisms. Yellowjackets is a show that demonstrates the absurdity of this expectation that we place on everyone in society, but especially on AFABs, to recover and continue and pretend that we aren't being eaten up from the inside. It's a show that takes great pains to reveal that nothing happens in a vacuum; every survivor of the plane crash arrived there with her own traumas already strapped to her back. It's a show that is willing to talk about how surviving something horrible will make you paranoid and anxious and insecure, even 25 years later, because trauma is continuous and healing is not linear. It's a show about reconciling the fact that answers simply aren't going to help, even if you get them someday.

Conclusion: How to Read Yellowjackets

I can't recommend Yellowjackets enough. It's a phenomenal show, especially if you are Gen X or millennial and grew up with these actresses as a major part of your adolescence. It's also a show that is proving itself to be whip-smart, far smarter than JJ Abrams ever was. It's a show that reminds us how cannibalistic teenage girlhood can be on its own, never mind the stresses of a real survival situation. It's a show that talks, openly and honestly, about how many of us simply are not okay, and shouldn't be considered okay, and probably should not be operating heavy machinery. It's a show that is willing to confront the way we need to cannibalize ourselves, consume our own trauma like Saturn devouring his son, in order to return to the world waiting impatiently for the version of us who will never exist again. It's a show not only about MILF rights, but also about MILF wrongs.

[writer1queenjaysblog]

Daddy's baby girl 💕

Yandere Dad Jake x oc.

Sho'ree is the second daughter of Jake and his mate and she was born small and with a extra finger like Lo'ak and Kiri and he's very protective of her and won't let anyone near her not even the Tonowari and Ronal son.

Her age 18.

Jake remember the time that Neytiri gave birth to Sho'ree she was small and weak she was told she wasn't going to make it but she pulled through.

Jake was scared thinking about his daughter dying but she lives through it he was proud of her and was very very over protective of her and he didn't let her go anywhere alone, what if his sweet little baby girl got hurt? What if someone hurt her? How will he get rid of their bodies?! So many thinks went through his mind.

As she got older she wanted to do things that her older brothers were doing like hunting only for Jake to be like: "No absolutely not." She was disappointed "But daddy Nete and Lo'ak go hunting all the time I never go mom goes too." "Because their older sweet heart and you can get hurt."

She tried to tell him that she could take care of herself but he wouldn't budge at all. "Daddy said no princess now go play with with your sisters."

She pout in defeat knowing pushing the situation with her dad wasn't going to work as her mother would back him up "Yes daddy." He smiles as he pets her head smiling "Good girl now go on."

Years went by and Sho'ree was now 18 and she was a beautiful vision her body filled out, curves that made the boys drool over her, smiling at her, filtering and the girls wanted to be her. Jake's yandere over protective fatherly instincts kicked in over drive.

He would have Neteyam and Lo'ak watch her every move. No boy has come Forward saying that they want to court her or be her mate because of Jake giving them the death glares and tell them no and other things that scared them away and they never spoke to her again or anything. Neteyam and Lo'ak were the second reason as well as Neytiri.

It was time to leave home after Miles had her hostage and had a knife under her neck Jake wanted to kill him but he couldn't let his baby girl get hurt so he told him it wasn't over.

Once arrive to their new home Jake looked and saw how Ao'nung was looking at her and his friends looked at her body up and down make his blood boil but he knew he couldn't do anything so he told her to get on the other side of him.

"Baby girl come here stand next to me." He said watching the teen look at his daughter before making eye contact with him with Jake glaring daggers at him. Once settled in Sho'ree was excited she looked at the ocean and wanted to swim and meet new people "Dad I think I'm ready to swim and meet new people especially some handsome boys." She made her family look at her with a stare that was dark.

Jake looked at her in shock "No princess you can't your not old enough." "Daddy I am ready for a boyfriend and..." "And?" "I- I don't think I should tell you guys." "Come on sis."

Said Neteyam "Your brother is right Sho'ree you know better we don't keep secrets in this family." He said as she worked up the courage to tell them "I want to mate." She blushing as Jake looked shocked his little girl ready for mating?!

Having sex with a man?! "Sho'ree honey you're not ready your to Young and pure." Said Jake "But dad I think I am my body has these urges."

"That's the thing honey it's your body it doesn't know what it needs those are wants and your still growing up your body's changing by the time your old enough you'll forget it."

"Now get ready for dinner." "Ok." She knew she was in heat "Jake I think she's ready." "No no she isn't she's still a little girl." "In your eyes Jake but not to them not to those boys..those adult men who see her as any other woman on this island." Jake knew Neytiri was right but the thought of them touching his baby girl sent him into rage.

"No she's not going to mate and no one is going to touch her and if they lay one hand even a finger on my little girl Neytiri I'll make them regret being born." He said unpacking his sons agreed if anyone touch their little sister it will be hell to pay.

"No one will touch or hurt my baby girl nobody I'll kill anyone and everyone in my way if they do." Jake said as she sees her swimming with Ao'nung and his sister and friends.

@lovemyavatar

[lovetransaction]

the brother within: #3

3) being liminal, the dog is the guardian of the threshold, and is thereby a protector of hearth and home, of structure and tradition; and, – Daniel Deardorff, The Other Within: The Genius of Deformity in Myth, Culture & Psyche

When Sam was two months old, a wasp flew in the window and landed on his tummy. Mom had fallen asleep for just a minute, Dean knew she needed a minute sometimes so he didn't wake her up, he stood by the crib and watched the wasp's pointy brown body moving in circles against Sam's so-soft onesie. Sam hadn't noticed yet. Dean put two of his fingers on Sam's tummy and the wasp crawled onto them and it felt gross but he held his breath and walked to the window and the wasp flew back out before he even got there. He went back and Sam was looking at him, and Dean said, "you're ohhhh-kay," the way Dad said it sometimes, which meant that it was.

---

Dean started crying and couldn't stop when Mr. Darling sent Nana out to the doghouse when he watched Peter Pan. He never did finish the movie.

---

There comes a time when Sam has an imaginary friend and Dean doesn't much like it. There comes a time when Sam has a secret dog during secret Flagstaff and Dean doesn't like that either. There comes a time when Sam has both a girlfriend and a dog that Dean doesn't know and that's shitty too.

Dean doesn't like dogs in his car. Dean paid attention to that one Aesop's Fable about the manger, but he doesn't think it applies to him, not really. Who uses mangers anymore anyhow? They'd just burn up in the fire and take the baby messiah with them.

---

"Good boy," Dad says, tired, and hauls Dean onto his lap all sprawled and sideways so he can swizzle his fingertips into Dean's hair and then wrap him up in a tight hug. "You're always taking care of us," Dad mumbles against the side of Dean's head, fingers moving behind Dean's ear as he sighs. They both smell like the tomato and rice soup Dean had managed to cobble together out of a tin of Campbell's and some leftover fried rice, and the tang of it isn't exactly the nicest but it's comforting. Like home. Sam's on the other end of the sofa conked out from eating the last tin of pudding, and Dean turns around until he can settle against Dad properly. The rise and fall of Dad's stomach, the occasional thick way he clears his throat -- he swallowed some kind of ectoplasm on the last hunt and it's still working through his system -- and the swish of Dad's fingers through his hair. Dean's getting too big for this, he knows. But for tonight he made it all feel right, he did it all good, and his brother and father are sleepy and quiet and Dean's a good boy.

---

He wasn't gonna fuck a poodle, come on. Not one that looked like that.

---

"You're me but backwards," Chuck says to him at one point. Dean's still stinging from the don't confuse me with your dad remark, especially since technically Chuck is supposed to be basically everyone's dad, otherwise what's the whole frigging point of the Our Father?

"You're backwards," is what Dean says, and Chuck grins and shoots finger guns at him. "You should've kept your dad's dog tags," Chuck says. "You know what I do with lukewarm things. You should commit to the motif."

Dean doesn't ask what the hell Chuck's talking about. Dean leaves it alone.

---

Sam's the one who guts the hellhound. Dean can't do anything but watch.

---

The bunker is the best place they've ever been and Dean doesn't waste time in making it a home, because Dean knows better than to waste time. For a while after that extra forty in Hell he'd counted his age in dog years, because that seemed to make more sense. But most of that wasn't really living. Most of that was a choke chain, and sometimes he still feels it biting into his throat in Alastair's voice, and Azazel's, and John's. He feels bad about that last one and he doesn't. Dad had outlasted him in Hell, after all. If anybody would understand it would be him.

---

Sometimes, Dean thinks, all of their hard work and sacrifice isn't what they're left with in the end. It all comes down to a miracle.

[facelessoldgargoyle]

💕Positivity prime time! Share five things you love about yourself, four things you're excited about, OR three people you care deeply about and why. Pass this along to someone whose posts make you smile💕

Aw hey this is nice. Watch me go!

I love that I have a strong enough presence that people tend to be intimidated by me. I am Unfuckwithable.

I love my tattoos, I have a big ass Caravaggio Medusa on my thigh, a shrike on my ribs, an eye on my ankle, and little dots on my shoulder.

I love repairing my and my friends’ clothes. I find it very fulfilling to extend the life of a beloved garment.

I love being a skilled baker. Baking since I was 12 has given me a level of confidence in the kitchen that’s served me well. I love feeding people, I make for a good neighbor.

I love having a rock-solid ego. I feel generally capable to tackle anything, and people can’t make me feel bad about myself. Unless they’re my mom but listen, even Achilles had a vulnerable ankle.

Im super excited about being in the ttrpg reading group run by ANIM and playing Triangle Agency this month. It’s a game about being a supernatural investigator tied to the same type of entity that you’re hunting down, while working for a mysterious corporation. I’m playing a haunted investigator who escaped from a deleted reality and has to continue to work for the corporation in order to stabilize his existence.

I’m excited for my order of fabric to arrive—I’m making a Kim Kitsuragi jacket and I’m pumped to start.

I have tickets to Dracula: a Comedy of Terrors. You know, that JoJo posing tiktok that’s going around? Different cast, but I’m pumped.

@gandalfsbignaturals has officially started drawing Lone Star Equalizer chapter 1, and it looks great, and I’m so excited. Go look at her art!

Speaking of Aria, she’s my femme, my moon, my other half. She’s got an analytical mind that devours new information and can make leaps of logic that elude me. She’s unfailingly kind and conscientious of bringing people into her fold. She’s your favorite pervert’s favorite pervert, and one of the few people I can say my inside thought out loud to.

@yassifiedgollum is my partner, my sun, the friend that sharpens me as steel sharpens blade. They’re wickedly smart and dedicates their mind to the craft of hedonism. In this pursuit, she’s generous to a fault with her time, resources, and compassion. We clash frequently and in the process they force me to become better reasoned, more empathetic, and more flexible in compromise.

Homeboy is not on tumblr, so I can’t tag him, but he’s my best friend. Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same. When we met, I was an Evangelical know-it-all and he was the only person I knew who could successfully argue with me. I would have found my way out of the church eventually without him, but in this reality, he was the catalyst. He’s willing to entertain wild ideas and capable of making plans for them. He takes good care of the people he loves. He’s naturally charming and good at bringing people together. He’s my rock.

[crushculture03]

The First Meeting

See Masterlist for warnings

Chp 3 of ‘About you’

Gifs aren’t mine all credit goes to the og creators

Summer 1999

Bobby Singer didn't like visitors, it was well known he really didn't like people in general, well besides his daughter Valerie, who was the only one who could make that grumpy man smile.

The morning of June 2nd loud banging woke both Bobby and Valerie. Bobby pulled his pistol out as he slowly approached the door, "Who the hell is it!" he yells. "It's John, Bobby, '' a voice says. Bobby groans and puts his gun away, opening the door to reveal the Winchester boys. "What John '' Bobby says, clearly not happy to see his friend. "I gotta go on some hunts but can't take the boys, can you watch them while I'm away? '' John asks, and motions to the two teen boys standing next to him.

Bobby sighs and looks at the boys, "Fine, but you owe me big time Winchester '' he grumbles, "Come on boys' ' he says and steps aside so they can walk into the house. "Thanks Singer I appreciate it, bye boys be good" John says, before walking back to his car and speeding off.

Bobby closes the door and looks at the boys, "Sam, Dean wow you two have grown, how old are ya again?" he asks, "I'm 18 and Sammy's 16" Dean says. "Ok, well Sam you're the same age as Valerie'' Bobby says, "Val get down here there's someone I want you to meet!" her father shouts up the stairs.

Sam swears he felt his heart skip a beat when a young blonde girl came down the stairs. "Val, meet Sam and Dean Winchester, Winchesters Meet my daughter Valerie," he says, introducing the teens. "Hi" she says sheepishly, "Hey," the boys say in unison. "Val they're going to be staying with us all summer, can you show them to their room? '' he asks, "Of course" she smiles and motions for the boys to follow her.

The three teens made their way upstairs, "So um this will be your guy's room, there are two beds here, and my rooms down the hall, the bathroom is the last door on the right" She said. Dean walks into the room, throwing his duffel bag on one of the beds, while Sam stays in the hallway next to her. "Thanks, Valerie" he mumbles, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment, he's never been good at talking to girls. "You can call me Val, Sam" she smiles, he nods his head in response before walking into the room. "I'll let you guys get settled in, I'll be in my room if you need me, '' she says before walking down the hall to her room.

"Sammy has a crush" Dean teases his brother, "I do not!" Sam defends himself, even though his deep red cheeks give away his lie. "You better be careful, she's Bobbys daughter and you don't wanna be on his bad side" his older brother warns "But I say go for it Sam, maybe you'll finally get some" he teases before falling back on the old bed. "Thanks, Dean" he mumbles, before putting his bag down on the other bed. "I'm gonna go walk around" Sam says, his brother waves him off before closing his eyes, taking a nap.

Sam walks down the hallway, coming to a stop in front of her door, he nervously knocks on her door. Val opens the door, now out of her pajamas and into actual clothes, "Hey Sam everything ok?" she asks, "Yeah I was just wondering if maybe you'd be able to show me around the property, if-if you're not busy" he stumbles on his words a bit. "Of course" she says, Val couldn't help the butterflies that flew around her stomach when she looked at him.

He steps aside so she can follow her, she walks past him and down the stairs, he follows her. "Well let me show you my favorite place to go, my dad built it when I was a kid and my mom was still around" she leads him outside, the two walking in comfortable silence until they reach a run down tree house. "I know it looks old but it's safe I promise" she says as she climbs the stairs and motions for him to follow her. He follows after her and takes in his surroundings, the tree house was old and worn down but there were two bean bags in there and the remnants of smoked joints and empty beer bottles.

"Wow you're a bit of a rebel aren't you? '' he jokes as he sits down on one of the beaten up bean bag chairs. "It helps ease the pain of some of the stuff I see on hunts and everything, it's nice to get away from it all" she says as she takes a seat next to him.  "I understand that, so Bobby forces you to hunt like my dad does," he asks. "No, he did train me but doesn't force me to go on hunts if I don't want to, I'm sorry your dad does, he sounds like an asshole" she says, which causes Sam to let out a laugh, "you're not wrong about that" he responds.

"Do you plan on hunting when you turn 18, or do you wanna do something else?" she asks, "Well I hope to go to college, I know my dad won't be happy but I don't care, he's controlled too much of my life already" Sam responds. "I hope you get that life" she says, looking over at him and smiling, "Thanks" he responds.

Present Day

"Whatcha thinking about Val" Sam asks, snapping the girl out of her daze. "Just thinking about the summer we met, I remember us sitting in my tree house talking about the future, I'm glad you got your dream" she says before going back to looking out the window watching the scenery go by. "Aw day dreaming about Sammy aren't you" Dean teases from the driver seat, she kicks his seat "Shut up" she snaps. "Hey be careful in my baby you better not have scratched the seats" Dean lectures, "yes sir" she says, saluting him in a teasing way. The three still had a long way to go, not only miles wise, but also in the hunt to find John Winchester.