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kindahoping4forever · 4 years ago

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I Don’t Wanna Spend One More Christmas Without You // Poly!Cashton

@cal-puddies and I want to thank everyone who read/liked/reblogged/left us feedback during our Hoe For The Hoe-lidays event. We keep saying we can’t believe we pulled this off: between our 10 solo fics and this co-write, we posted over 30k words this week! I’m proud of not only that impressive feat but also the work we produced, these have been some of my favorite pieces in recent memory.

We knew we wanted to close out with a Galaxybrain co-write but we weren’t sure which of our lanes to feed. We figured, hey it’s the season of giving: why not both? 😏 In true Cass & Crystal fashion, this started out with us just being thirsty (we wrote the smut first lmao) but ended up being super heartfelt and emotional? Please be sure and let us know what you think, we couldn’t be prouder of this one!

Warnings: Reader x Calum, Reader x Ashton, Calum x Ashton; a relatively new throuple trying to figure out how to express their feelings for one another, filth but make it fluffy, unprotected sex within a triad relationship, oral sex performed on both a male and a female, manual stimulation of both a male and a female, cum play

Word Count: 9150

Cass & Crystal’s Masterlist // Hoe For The Hoe-lidays Masterlist

Let us know what you think!

“Food’s here,” a voice quietly announces with a rap on the door.

You turn to see Calum in your bedroom doorway, sheepishly mouthing ‘sorry’ when he realizes you’re on the phone. You step over to him and whisper, “I’m almost done, bub,” reassuring him with a quick peck on the lips.

A few minutes later, you follow the sounds of loud laughter and conversation to the living room; you smile when you see Ashton standing there, in the midst of an animated story while Cal sits on the couch, hanging on every word, laughing as if it’s the funniest thing he’s ever witnessed. You honestly wonder if maybe it is.

You bounce over behind Ash, throwing your arms around him, nuzzling his back; his leather jacket feels cold against your face so you assume he hasn’t been here long. “I didn’t know we were seeing you tonight,” you chirp.

He chuckles, slinging an arm around you. “I was texting with Cal when he was ordering dinner and it sounded good so I invited myself,” he explains, kissing your forehead.

“Bullshit, I absolutely invited you!” Cal insists, smiling eyes betraying his words of protest. You giggle at their banter and untangle yourself from Ash to serve yourself some dinner. Cal continues his teasing, “The food sounded good, just admit you missed us and move on.”

Ashton sits down on the couch next to Cal and nudges his knee tentatively with his own. “Of course I missed you,” he says simply. The two men exchange sweet, almost shy smiles and you feel your entire being light up with affection as you watch them.

It’d been four months since you and Ash had asked Calum to be a part of your relationship and while the three of you were still individually and collectively deciding exactly what all that means, you were happy and that’s all that mattered to you.

In the year and a half you were with Ashton, it was as intense and meaningful a relationship as you’d ever had - but it was never quite right and you’d split up a handful of times. During one of your “breaks” last year, a friend of a friend suggested that Cal might be the answer to your search for a new roommate. You met for coffee one day and immediately hit it off; you’d be lying if you said you didn’t quickly develop feelings for him but more than anything at that point, you needed a friend and Cal was there for you when it really counted.

It came as no surprise that when Ash started hanging around again, he bonded with Cal as instantly as you did and the three of you became inseparable. You and Ashton reconciled once again and couldn’t help but notice how much more communicative and at peace with each other you were with Calum around. It’s like he had been the missing piece all along, he made everything feel right - and you eventually told him as much.

Which is why you’re struggling so much with the bad news you have to deliver to your boyfriends. You sit on your living room floor, picking at your dinner, going over the dilemma in your mind for the 100th time, trying to find a different solution.

“Darlin’?” Cal’s gentle but firm voice shakes you out of your thoughts and you look up blankly. “Ash asked if you wanted another soda.”

You blink a few times, as if that will reset your mind and bring clarity. “Oh. No thank you, love, I’m good!” You call out towards the kitchen.

“You feelin’ OK?” Cal asks, reaching across the coffee table to stroke your arm. “We’ve been talking about this food all day and you’ve barely touched it.”

You look into his dark eyes, full of care and concern and know you have to be honest with him. “I need to talk to you both about Christmas… it’s not great,” you admit.

Ashton searches your face as he sits back down. “Is your mom alright?” He gently asks, remembering a health scare your family was dealing with when he went home with you last winter.

You offer him a faint, loving smile. “Everyone’s fine… great, even. Uh… my sister is getting engaged,” you share, chewing your lip.

“Oh! ...Oh,” he responds, starting to understand the issue.

Calum looks between the two of you, baffled. “I don’t understand, why is that bad? I thought we liked her boyfriend?”

“We do,” you start, carefully. “It’s just… With this news in mind, I don’t know if it’s really the right time to tell everyone about our relationship now.” You can’t bring yourself to look in Cal’s eyes yet, not wanting to see if he’s as hurt as you fear he may be.

He sits back on the couch, trying to process. “I thought you said your parents would be super understanding and chill about us?”

Ash sees you struggling to find the words so he tries to help. “They would be. They will be,” he reassures Cal with a warm smile. “I think the concern is that an engagement might seem kind of mundane compared to an announcement like ours. What’s more exciting than a daughter bringing home one son in law? How about the other daughter bringing home two?”

“They’d spend the whole time doting on us, making sure we’re comfortable, Facebooking all the extended family who’s coming to visit to make sure no one says anything that might offend us… her moment would get totally overshadowed,” you explain. “And I’d hate that, this is a big deal, she deserves to be The Story.”

Calum listens intently, nodding. You finally catch his gaze and are relieved to see nothing but understanding and compassion on his face. “OK. Well, wouldn't it be better if I just didn’t go at all then?” He offers sincerely.

Your exclamation of “Bubba, no!” blends with Ashton’s soft sigh of “Cal…” and you all have to laugh at the outburst.

"That's not me trying to be dramatic or anything, I just don't want to cause any trouble," he shrugs.

You scoot around to come sit next to the couch. "I've really been looking forward to us spending our first Christmas together," you insist, squeezing Cal's knee. "If you're uncomfortable with coming under these circumstances, I understand but for what it's worth, I would like you there."

Ash places his hand on top of yours, reassuring Calum as well. "The family's already expecting you, just as a roommate," he points out. "Plus… trying to keep our secret could be kind of fun." He winks at Cal, who can't resist breaking into a wide grin.

Your “fun” holiday couldn’t be off to a worse start the next morning when Ashton arrives bright and early to pick you and Cal up only to find you still in your pajamas, rushing to finish getting your bags together. After a few minutes of Ash stomping around, huffing about getting a late start, Cal, peacemaker that he is, offers to help him pack the car while you finish up.

You meet them in the driveway a few minutes later, dragging your suitcase behind you. Ash promptly snatches it away from you without a word and you glare at him fiercely.

Calum appears at your side and holds you by the waist. “You can’t blame him for being irritated,” he says quietly, rubbing your arm. “You knew what time he was coming, you should have been packed.”

“Yeah… but,” you start.

Cal is already shaking his head. “No, darlin’, there’s no excuse. We had a plan, you should have been ready.”

“See!” Ashton says, coming up beside the two of you.

“Well, you don’t get to gloat, babe, you could have handled it better,” Cal chides.

“I don’t like it when you don’t pick sides,” Ash says, coming over to peck Cal’s cheek. He presses his lips to the top of your head. “I’m sorry I was a grouch.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t ready and delayed us 15 whole minutes,” you reply.

Cal pinches your hip. “Passive aggressive much?”

Ash shrugs at you. “It’s coming out of your breakfast time. It’s a 6 hour drive, love.”

“I’m aware, love,” you fire back, helping yourself into the back seat. He sighs as you pull the hood up on your sweatshirt and stuff your hands in the pocket.

Ash huffs as he shuts your door. Cal gently grabs his arm. “Give her a few minutes. We’ll make breakfast quick, coffee and bagels; smother hers in cream cheese, get some caffeine in her and she’ll forgive you,” he reassures.

His prediction is spot on and by the time you’re halfway through your cup of coffee, you’re leaning into the front seat to run your fingers through both of your boyfriends’ hair. “I’m so glad I get to take you both home with me,” you say warmly. “I’m sorry it can’t be exactly what we wanted, but I know it’ll still be special, because we’ll be together.”

The rest of the drive goes smoothly and when you arrive at your parents’ house, the family is waiting at the door for you; after introducing Calum, you’re immediately whisked away by your sister, gushing about the recent trip her boyfriend took her on for their anniversary. You listen quietly and hope your smile doesn’t give anything away, you love that she has no idea what’s coming in a few days.

Your dad loves Ashton and couldn’t be more thrilled that you brought him home again; he offers to help him unload the car and makes a big show of pointing out how similar their leather jackets are, going so far as to make a “like father, like son” joke.

You sneak a few apologetic glances over at Calum, who you hope isn’t feeling too left out in his role of “your roommate” as he makes small talk with your sister’s boyfriend. You feel endlessly grateful for your mother when you see her sit down and start showing Cal all the gourmet vegetarian recipes she’s bookmarked on her iPad, asking what he’d prefer for Christmas dinner; she’s clearly charmed by his shyly polite responses and you fight the urge to go over and kiss over his squishy, crinkly face as her attention continues to make him more smiley and flustered.

While your mom and sister set the table for dinner, your dad and Ash carry the luggage to your respective rooms for you to get settled; you take advantage of the opportunity to break away and check in with Cal, under the guise of showing him the trick to operating the shower in the guest bathroom.

You turn the overhead fan on to help drown out your conversation. “You doin’ OK, bub?” You ask, massaging his shoulders.

He squeezes your hip. “It was hard at first but your mom’s sweet,” he gives you a sad smile. “Guess I didn’t realize how weird it’d be to see you and Ash act like a couple again, since I’m used to seeing you be… whatever we are.”

“The best thing that’s ever happened to me, that’s what we are,” you easily respond, drawing him in for a quick, soft kiss.

He holds you by the hips, resting his forehead to yours. “Thank you,” he murmurs. “You better get out of here before people get suspicious.” He presses his lips to your forehead and you step out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind you.

You spend the next few days trying to make sure Calum doesn’t feel left out. Your dad invites him to join some of the “future son in law” activities he’d planned but Cal is easily swayed to stay with your mom and help around the house. His height and muscle mass are highly desired for decorating or carrying in groceries and he’s so sweet and well-mannered, your mom is just tickled to have him around. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think she had a crush on him.

The day before Christmas Eve, Cal agrees to join the men for lunch and last minute shopping; your mom encouraged him to go because she wanted to make a secret shopping trip with you so you could pick out a few gifts for the family to give him so he didn’t get left out.

From what Ashton tells you when they return, the outing seemed to go well; you chatted with Cal a little that evening and he seemed to be in good spirits, happy with how things had turned out. But you can still sense him needing the affection you haven’t been able to provide; aside from a stolen kiss here and there, you’d barely touched him since you arrived and he and Ash had been keeping their distance so as not to raise eyebrows. What weighs on you most is knowing Calum hadn’t slept alone since the three of you became the three of you and you can see it wearing on him.

Ashton climbs in bed next to you. “Love… who’re you texting?” He asks, already knowing the answer.

“I just want to make sure he’s OK,” you say sheepishly.

“He’s fine, love,” he murmurs, kissing your cheek, then letting his lips trail down to your neck. “You’ve said he’s had fun with you and your mom and I saw him have a great day today. He’s good… now, me on the other hand? I could use some attention.” His lips firmly attach to your jaw and he’s practically laid himself on top of you, hovering.

You giggle at his lack of subtlety. “When do you not want attention?” You tease, pulling him into a hungry kiss. “I’ve been missing you too, Ash. I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you much, I’ve just been worried about how Cal’s handling things and I love my family but being around them is kind of draining…”

He cuts you off with a sweet kiss. “I know, baby… ‘s why I thought we could use a little stress relief,” he flirts, leaning in to mouth at that spot behind your ear that makes you crazy.

You hum with interest and brush his hair off his forehead. “We’d have to be quiet, we can’t have another incident like last year,” you say with a smirk.

Ash pulls back to playfully glare at you. “We’ve gone over this, technically that noise I made was your fault. If you hadn’t done that thing with your tongue, I wouldn’t have cum so suddenly and the incident would’ve been avoided,” he argues, tickling your side.

You try fighting him off to no avail. “My sister did think it was pretty funny… after the initial horror wore off,” you giggle, batting at his hands, trying to get him to let up.

After another minute or so of play fighting, you “win” by wrapping your legs around Ashton’s body and using them to draw him back over you. He kisses you with a little more emotion behind it than last time, pulling away to whisper, “I’m very happy I get to be here with you.” Your stomach flips at his sincerity and you wrap your arms around his neck, letting your kisses tell him how much you appreciate him.

Things start to heat up and Ash’s hands slide up your sweatshirt and over your hips; his hands are slow to tease you the way they usually do and when you rock against him, you’re slightly surprised you don’t feel him straining against his sweatpants yet. Your fingers travel under his long sleeve tee and dance over his abs to meet his waistband. You’re just about to dip your hand in when he stops you.

“Does this feel weird to you? This feels weird to me,” he sighs, flopping over onto his back beside you. He runs his hand through his long, dark hair, distressed. “Why does this feel weird to me?”

You roll onto your side, curling up next to him. “Well… we haven’t been intimate together, just the two of us, since Cal happened,” you say gently, stroking softly at his chest. “Do you think maybe you miss him being with us?”

“Yeahhhhh, I think so…” He lets out a long exhale, playing with your hand on him. “I just… it’s silly, you and me had sex a million times before we met him and now… I pull away from you and expect to see his eyes smiling at me while he kisses your shoulders. Expect to feel your skin already warm from his touch… expect to feel him warm next to me. Want it, even.”

“Ash,” you pout, touched by how he’s opening up to you, how open he’s being with himself about his feelings for Calum. “It’s not silly, you care about him. It’s not that you and I are suddenly uncomfortable with each other, it’s just that we’re used to more than this now. Need it, even.”

You rest your head on his chest and lay together, quiet and understanding while you both evaluate your feelings. After a while, you decide to lighten the mood, lifting your head up to tease, “A million times, eh?”

Ashton laughs loudly, clamping his hand over his mouth to muffle the noise. A beat passes and he meets your eyes for the first time since this conversation started, giving you an almost shy smile. “Think we could slip him in here undetected?”

You grin at him as you reach for your phone. “I don’t think the three of us would be able to keep it down, so no funny business,” you warn, texting your boyfriend. “But at the very least, we’ll get some alone time, even for a few minutes.”

Ash gets up and cracks the door, waiting for Cal to make his way down the hall; when he appears in the doorway, you see Ashton’s shoulders instantly relax. He gently closes the door behind him and wraps Calum in a tight, warm embrace; you can’t tell what Ash murmurs in his ear but whatever it is, it casts a soft, lovestruck glow across Cal’s features when he hears it.

His eyes meet yours and you open your arms wide. “Come lay with us, bubba,” you invite him.

“But…” He motions to the door, looking unsure.

Ash shrugs, “We can say we’re watching a movie.” He rests his chin on Cal’s shoulder from behind. “What do you say, babe? We miss you.”

Calum relaxes, gently reaching up to scratch at Ash’s scruff. He moves toward the bed but clearly doesn’t know what to do.

“Lay next to me, bub!” You smile, patting the bed next to you.

Ash lets a soft smile cross his face. “Why don’t you get in the middle?” He suggests.

Cal lays next to you and you instantly snuggle into him, throwing your arm across his body while Ash settles in on his other side. Cal wraps his arm around you and kisses your forehead; you look up with a pout and he presses his lips to yours. He pulls away from you when he feels Ashton nuzzle his cheek; Ash looks at him lovingly and gently plants a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Thought we were cuddling, lovers,” Cal whispers against his mouth.

“We are… just wanted to give you affection too,” Ash murmurs.

The three of you lay quietly for a while, Ash’s head next to Cal’s on the pillow and you draped across Cal’s body. His arm is tight around your back while he and Ash shyly play with each other’s fingers.

Ash looks over at you and you watch as his eyes take you in. “Our girlfriend sure is beautiful, isn’t she, Cal?” He whispers, lips gently pressing to Cal’s jaw.

“Gorgeous,” he agrees, turning his eyes to you, sweeping your hair back. Ash leans in to you first for a kiss, with Cal wanting one right after. You sigh, scooting up so you can rest your head in the crook of Cal’s neck, and let yourself drift to sleep. Calum knows immediately, he’s felt your even breath on his neck many times.

“She sleeps so easy with you,” Ash comments, brushing his fingers against Cal’s for the umpteenth time. Cal finally laces his fingers with Ashton’s, looking over at him. They stare at each other for a few moments before Ash speaks again. “I’m so glad you decided to come with us after all… I know it’s not perfect and not what we talked about, but I don’t think either of us would enjoy this without you.”

“I’m really happy to be here,” Cal responds quietly, squeezing Ash’s hand and your sleeping body gently. “I was definitely missing all of this though... thanks for bringing me in tonight.”

“We needed you,” Ash confesses, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. “Weird when you're not here now.”

Calum turns his face toward Ashton’s, nuzzling in and enjoying the warmth of his boyfriend, his rough hand wrapped with his; he grins against Ash’s cheek and Ash responds with a kiss to his forehead.

Cal stays, wrapped in the both of you, for another 45 minutes before the men agree it’s time to call it a night. He tries his best not to wake you as he slips out of bed but he fails, leading to an extra 15 minutes of your soft whines and insistence that he stay. He finally leaves you with a passionate kiss and a kiss on the cheek for Ash.

The next day, Christmas Eve, goes by fast. Various family and friends are in and out of the house all day, stopping by to share their holiday greetings. Continuing your family’s tradition, the men head out in the afternoon to pick out and haul home a Christmas tree and after dinner, you all decorate it together.

Like you’ve done since you were kids, the lights in the living room get turned off for a dramatic “reveal” of the lit and decorated tree when you’re all finished. The multi-colored lights get plugged in and brighten up the room, illuminating your sister’s boyfriend down on one knee. You squeeze Ashton’s hand and subtly brush your pinky down the back of Calum’s hand. Her “moment” is perfect and you silently thank your boyfriends with your eyes for understanding why you wanted this for her.

After some dessert and celebratory cocktails, everyone is exhausted but happy to be together. Your dad gets a fire going and your sister puts on the old Rudolph special you loved as kids; you plop yourself in Ashton's lap on the couch, with Cal sitting close by, close enough for you to keep throwing him little glances undetected. You know it must’ve been hard for him to go back to bed alone after the time you spent together last night and even harder today, having to watch you and Ash continually couple up and be gushed over by your holiday visitors.

Halfway through the show, your dad starts snoring so Mom decides it’s time for them to head up to bed. Your sister and her fiancée make it through to the end of the show but when you suggest following it up with Frosty The Snowman, they decline and tell you and the guys goodnight.

After such a long day, filled with so much unspoken emotion, it's surprising how quiet the three of you are now that you're alone. Sitting with your men in a room lit only by the warm glow of the fire and the soft colored lights of the tree - this was the type of scene you imagined when you envisioned your first Christmas together. But the feeling's not quite right.

You peck Ashton on the cheek before sliding off his lap, moving to sit on the other side of Calum, putting him in the middle of you and Ash. You run a hand through his hair, tentatively at first, just in case everyone in the house isn't quite settled yet. "How are you, bub?" You ask softly.

He closes his eyes, leaning into your touch and you feel your heart both swell and break a little at how badly he was clearly needing your affection. "Good. Tired. Happy I can finally do this," he replies, leaning in to give you a short but needy kiss.

When he pulls back, he grabs your hand out of his hair and brings it up to his lips for a kiss; he waits a beat then reaches for Ash’s hand and kisses it as well. “Missed you too, bub,” you murmur with a smile.

Ash looks at both of you, adoration in his eyes. You recognize that look on his face, the one that means he’s searching for the right words, trying to line up his emotions with his nervous tongue.

You squeeze his other hand that’s resting on the back of the couch behind Cal, sensing he needs encouragement and he glances at you, grateful.

"We both missed you, Cal,” he starts, shaking his head as he decides to go all in. “I’ve missed you, is what I mean actually. Not being able to have you close the past few days has me realizing how much closer I would like you to be."

He cups Cal’s face, stroking gently with his thumb while he waits for his words to sink in and his nerves to settle. He inches forward and gently kisses him; it’s brief but Ash is purposeful in the way their lips slot together. When he gets bold and slips in his tongue, Cal visibly tenses and Ash pulls away gracefully, not wanting to push.

You stop yourself from obviously reacting but your heart feels like it might burst out of your chest. You've watched them both struggle to navigate their feelings for each other over the past four months and you couldn't be happier to see at least Ashton take a step towards clarity. You gently rest your palm on top of their intertwined hands and squeeze twice; a supportive one for Ash and a reassuring one for Cal.

Cal, dazed, turns to look at you briefly before his eyes briefly widen as if a light bulb has gone off. He grabs Ash’s neck to pull him in for another kiss, this one more desperate, with daring tongue and teeth.

You quietly pull your hand off theirs, not wanting to intrude on the intimacy of their moment. You can't deny that witnessing their hunger for each other has you feeling needy yourself but you know how important this exploration is for them, how important it is for the three of you, so you patiently sit and watch.

They eventually pull away from each other, panting. You see them exchange a look of some sort and then Calum is reaching for you; he kisses you feverishly while lifting you over his lap and fitting you in between him and Ash. His lips move down to your neck and suddenly Ashton's tongue is slowly tangling with yours; you can tell by his kiss he's still in his feelings and you do your best to match his energy, letting him know you're there for him.

You break apart, one of your hands in each of your boyfriends' hair. You all look back and forth between each other and quietly laugh, ecstatic to be alone together and ready to take advantage of this opportunity.

Ashton gives you another lingering kiss, massaging your breast over your sweater before pulling away and immediately drawing Calum in for a kiss; they sit up on their knees, making out over you and you watch how they lose themselves in it, yet keep their hands occupied in each other's hair, almost as if they're unsure if they should go further. They each let out a quiet groan and you note the tents forming in both of their pants; you decide to help them out and reach to palm their straining cocks while they kiss.

It surprises Ashton more than Cal; he stops their kiss to look down at you. He runs a hand over your face and smiles at you briefly before his mouth is back on Cal’s.

You turn toward Calum, gently lifting his shirt and kissing on his stomach. He lets out an appreciative moan for your touch and you take that cue to unzip his pants; he eagerly cooperates in helping you pull him out of his boxers.

“Oh god,” he moans against Ash’s mouth as you use yours to slick him up before stroking your hand over his now wet cock. You’ve missed him: his sounds, his taste, the way he feels against your skin, the way he appreciates you and the attention you give him. You press sloppy kisses to his length, grinning to yourself as precum beads at his tip, moving to kitten lick at it.

Ashton gently tugs on your hair, wanting attention for himself. You continue rubbing over his bulge, adding in a few squeezes, buying yourself a little more time with Calum. You finally pull off and look up at your boyfriends, still lost in each other, though Cal steals a glance down at you while Ash’s lips are pressed to his jaw. He gives you a little grin and pushes his hand under Ash’s shirt.

You notice Ash falter for a second in reaction to Cal touching him that way but he quickly recovers from his hesitation, moaning quietly and tucking a hand in your hair. You pull at the button on his pants, taking his cock out and slicking him up as well; you swirl your tongue around the head, enjoying the soft groans you hear coming from him, thrilled that you're not sure if they're being caused by you or Cal. You notice that his hand has left you and has begun unbuttoning Cal's shirt; Calum reaches down and yanks at the shoulder of your sweater, gesturing for you to take it off.

Ash quietly sighs at the loss of your mouth but is quickly distracted by kissing over Cal's now exposed chest; you pull your sweater over your head and tug your leggings down while you're at it, leaving you in your bra and panties. You give a small whimper of relief as you press your thighs together before reaching for the cocks on either side of you, shiny and red, begging for your attention. You stroke them both evenly and firmly, watching with pride as their expressions change in response to your actions.

Calum is the first to glance at you and notice your new state of undress. "Fuck, darlin', look at you," he rasps, leaning down to kiss you, sneaking his fingers inside your bra to play with a nipple. "Look so pretty under all these lights." Cal smiles against your lips as he feels Ash's hand stroke through his hair while he kisses you.

Ashton pulls his own shirt off and then his hand snakes between your legs, tracing over the front of the lacy, damp material. "Mmm, so wet for us, baby,” he teases lowly, dipping his fingers underneath your panties to tap lightly at your clit. “Think you’ll be able to keep quiet if we decide to do anything about it?” Cal groans as he sucks just below your earlobe; he loves how responsive you are when Ash taunts you like this.

Proving his point, you let out a whine before quickly biting your lip to fight back any other sounds that might come out. Ash chuckles, suddenly rubbing hard and fast at your clit just to see how much restraint you have. You screw your eyes shut, determined to remain silent. “You’re one to talk, most of the noises I’ve heard tonight have come from your mouth, love,” you point out once you catch your breath. You squeeze his cock and he breathes out a deep moan, proving your point.

Cal chuckles at the exchange and Ash shoots him a glare, pulling him back over to him. “Laugh it up,” he smirks, kissing his neck to distract from his hand traveling to thumb over Cal’s nipple; Cal loudly gasps, body rigidly jolting like he’s been struck by lightning. He grabs Ash’s face with both hands and muffles his moans with an intense kiss.

You turn your focus back to Ash’s cock, knowing Calum is already dealing with a lot of stimulation from the nipple play. You bob your mouth on him a couple times, just because you feel like it and then work on building a steady rhythm with your hand. You bite back another moan when Cal’s hand moves down to cover yours, essentially helping you jerk Ashton off.

Despite their obvious attraction, your boyfriends have never gone beyond the occasional kiss during sex with you so tonight had already been a big step for them. You look up and see Cal, Ash’s lips firmly attached to his neck, looking curious but confident as he watches his hand move with yours. Your eyes meet and you nod, understanding; you drop your hand from Ash’s cock, leaning back to watch Cal seamlessly take over, continuing with the rhythm you started.

Ashton immediately reacts to the difference in touch: the unknown grip, the new sensation of rough calluses running over his shaft, the unfamiliar feeling of a hand much larger than yours stroking him. “Cal,” he shakily breathes, pulling back to look at him.

“Is this alright?” Calum whispers, hoping the quietness of his voice will mask his nervousness.

Ash closes his eyes and leans his forehead against Cal’s, breathing deep, trying to ground himself, trying to process all the thoughts and emotions swirling in his brain right now.

“Don’t stop,” he states with certainty.

Cal’s hand swipes over the tip of Ashton’s cock, spreading around the precum he’s coaxed out, expertly keeping with the established rhythm. You watched Ash’s expression change from confusion to curiosity and now you see it switch to the confidence you’re used to seeing from him, especially in the bedroom; you see his hand fidgeting at his side moments before he clenches his jaw and reaches out to touch Calum’s cock. His strokes aren’t nearly as precise or measured as Cal’s are but his boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind; Cal lets out a throaty sigh of his name and you swear it’s the most erotic thing you’ve witnessed yet.

The men lock their mouths into another heated kiss while they continue to explore pleasuring each other; with them distracted, you slide yourself up and off the couch, moving down to the floor to give them some space and to give you some space to spread out and really enjoy the sight before you. You tug at your nipples like Cal would and slide your hand down your stomach and into your panties to swirl your clit like Ash would. You miss their touch but you’re more than happy to wait your turn for it this time.

Your eyes don’t leave them for a second as you make slow, careful work of pleasing yourself. You watch as Ash boldly tugs at Cal’s jeans, trying to pull them down more; he gets them just below his ass and his free hand grips it tightly. You let out a little moan and Ashton reaches his hand out for you, finally realizing you’re no longer between them.

They pull out of their own little world, searching for you. Calum spots you on the ground first. “What’re you doin’ down there, darlin’?” He teases, moving down next to you.

You press a quick kiss to his lips while he undoes your bra; he quickly moves his mouth down to your tits, lavishing your nipples with much needed attention. “Just enjoying the show,” you confess, looking directly at Ash.

Ash moves from the couch, grabbing a blanket to lay in front of the fireplace. He discards his jeans before beckoning the two of you over to join him. You both crawl over to the blanket and before you get settled, Ash helps your boyfriend out of the rest of his clothes. He wraps a hand around Calum’s cock; he pauses to look at you briefly and then back over to the beautiful man naked in front of him. His tongue darts out of his mouth and before any of you can process it, he’s licking the tip of Cal’s cock.

“Oh,” Cal moans, tucking his fingers into Ash’s hair. Ashton, feeling emboldened by that response, wraps his lips around the head, continuing to test the waters. “Yeah,” Cal mutters. “That… that’s good.”

Ash’s other hand pushes up your thigh and you interlace your fingers with his. You watch as he tests circling his tongue around the tip before pulling back to turn his attention to you. He pulls your panties down, kissing your thighs and up over your lips, letting his tongue spread them so he can tease your clit. He pulls up as Calum settles in next to him, wasting no time in getting his turn at flicking his tongue over your clit.

“Been so good for us, think it’s time we repay you,” Ash murmurs, kissing up to your hip. He watches you tangle your fingers in Cal’s hair and groans when you do the same to him. His hand travels down between your thighs and he pushes two fingers into you. “Cal’s tongue feel good for you?”

You bite your lip, trying to hold in a moan. “Yes, love.”

Cal continues working over your clit while his hand reaches up your body, giving attention to your nipples once again; Ashton’s fingers continue pumping inside you, mouth settled against your jaw, unceasingly affirming his and Cal’s affection for you.

“So patient tonight, love,” he whispers, mouthing along your neck, careful not to leave any marks. “Lettin’ me and Cal play while you’re over here so wet and needy.”

You take a deep breath, overwhelmed at all of the sudden attention. “Wanted it for you, could tell you both needed it,” you admit, digging your nails into Ash’s arm as Cal’s lips enclose your clit and start sucking. “Didn’t mind watching either.”

Ashton grins and plants a sloppy kiss on you; he pulls away to lean down and run his hand softly through Cal’s hair before pulling him up from between your legs to kiss him passionately. Both men groan at the realization that Ash can taste your arousal on Cal’s lips; Ashton takes it a step further and removes his hand from your pussy, sinking his drenched fingers into Calum’s mouth. Cal hollows his cheeks and sucks Ash’s fingers deep into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them, bobbing back and forth on them, wondering when he’ll get to give Ashton’s cock the same treatment.

For what feels like the hundredth time tonight, your jaw drops at the erotic sight before you and you reach out for one or both of your boyfriends to tend to you. Your head lolls back as you whine, “Please... babes… I need you so bad.”

Calum promptly pulls his mouth away with a lewd pop and lays on his side next to you. “Need you too, darlin’, you have no idea,” he murmurs as he grabs your hip, easily turning you to your side and slinging your leg over him. “Can’t remember the last time I went this long without having you.” He takes his cock in hand, running it up and down to coat it with your wetness before easing himself inside you, silencing your soft, relieved exhale with a kiss.

Cal softly rocks into you, sucking gently at your bottom lip, stroking your hair back with his hand; you feel Ashton lay down behind you and begin running his fingers down your back, quietly showing you his care while respecting the moment you and Cal are having, much like you respected their time together.

Your hand moves down to grab Cal’s ass, attempting to bring him even closer to you; you feel his muscles tensing and flexing under your hold as he pumps inside you and you bury your face in his chest to keep from crying out. You hear the slick sound of Ash’s hand working his cock as he watches you two together and you reach for him, wanting him near.

“I’m here, love,” he reassures you, nibbling at your ear, massaging over your breast. “You two look so fuckin’ good together, couldn’t help myself.” He extends his arm, reaching to squeeze Cal’s bicep.

Your hand searches behind you until it finds Ashton’s cock, throbbing against your ass; you give it a squeeze and he whimpers into your skin.

“Ash needin’ you too, baby?” Calum asks, voice scratchy with desire. “Know you’re gonna make him feel so good, just like you’re doin’ for me.” He gives you a couple more slow thrusts before he pulls out and helps you onto your other side where Ashton lays waiting.

You smile hazily at Ash as he lifts your leg over his hip and taps his cock against your clit. “So generous with your body, love,” he praises you, hissing as he slides into your wet heat. “Treatin’ us both so good tonight, thank you, baby.”

You caress his cheek as he starts slowly thrusting into you; you press your lips to his and you both lose yourselves in a slow, intimate kiss. Calum hangs back, watching you two communicate what you need to; when Ash breaks the kiss to moan into your mouth, Cal reaches over and begins to play with your breasts.

Ashton’s large hand grips your ass to pull you closer, getting a deeper angle that has you seeing stars. You twist your upper body toward Cal and he kisses you briefly before moving his lips back to your nipples. You push your hand down his body to find his cock, getting in a few strokes before he stops you. “Trust me, darlin’, I’m not needing any help right now.” His hand slips down your body to rub soft circles on your clit. “Let us focus on you.”

“Babes,” you sigh in the form of a soft moan, raspy as it leaves your lips. The sound is so sensual it causes Ash’s hips to lose rhythm and he lets go of your ass, giving a few shallow thrusts before pulling out.

“You gotta take Cal, baby, I need a minute,” he pants, clearly on the edge of losing it. He nuzzles his nose against yours, helping you turn back to your other boyfriend.

“Hey, darlin’,” Cal coos, grinning as he enters you again. You immediately pull him as close as possible.

“Want you both close,” you announce, looking over your shoulder at Ash. He scoots in against your back, kissing over your shoulders. You sigh, “Thank you.”

You give Ashton a short kiss before turning to press your face into Calum’s chest as he works his hips a little faster, harder. You feel a moan reverberating in Cal’s chest but it’s muffled when it spills from his lips; you look up to see him kissing Ash hungrily.

You moan, getting lost in your own world, letting Cal have your body, feeling his body on yours, Ashton’s body at your back, the strength in their frames as you lay between them.

Calum pulls out and turns you back towards Ash. Ashton is still breathing heavy and his kisses are needy, almost frantic, as he pushes into you. “I’m sorry, love, I’m s’close,” he chokes out. “Between you and Cal…”

You cut him off with a kiss. “Nothin’ to apologize for, love,” you murmur. “Want you to cum for me.”

His fingers dig in and hold on to your ass hard, pulling you tight against his body. “Cum for us, Ash,” Calum whispers as he slides his hand down to grip Ashton’s ass, causing Ash’s hips to stutter and jolt against you. You watch Ash pull on Cal’s neck so he can sink his teeth into Cal’s plump lower lip as he spills his cum into you, shuddering in your arms. You let out a loud moan and you all hold your breath waiting to see if it’s woken anyone up.

Once Ash comes down, he tenderly kisses you. “Love,” he murmurs. You give him a few more sweet kisses before you feel Calum’s eager fingers on your skin.

Ashton helps turn you around and his lips shower your shoulders and neck with affection as Cal sinks into you. He groans at the new sensation of Ash’s hot cum surrounding his cock, making you feel even more wet and warm to him.

Ash pushes his hand between your bodies and starts rubbing your clit in time with Cal’s thrusts. “It’s your turn, love, been so good and selfless tonight. Let Cal feel you cum,” he coaxes. “Look at you, look at Cal, look at how good you feel to our boyfriend.”

Cal’s eyes are screwed shut, his lip between his teeth as he tries to hold in any noises. “Calum,” you moan softly. His eyes open to find yours and you lean in for a feverish kiss, a kiss that becomes all tongue as you work your body against him.

Ashton mutters “Fuck” behind you and Cal lets out a guttural moan as you start to squeeze around his cock. You whine helplessly, “I’m cumming.”

“I feel that… let it go,” Cal encourages. You press your face into his chest to quiet yourself and without thinking you start biting and sucking his skin. Ash keeps rubbing your clit through your orgasm until you gently push his hand away, too sensitive to let him continue.

When Ash pulls his fingers up, it’s immediately noticeable they’re covered in both your arousal and his cum that leaked out of you. As soon as that registers to Calum, he grabs for Ash’s hand and takes his fingers into his mouth again, cleaning and sucking them like before. Once he’s done, Ashton takes the opportunity to explore a little more, pumping his fingers, treating Cal’s mouth like he does your pussy.

You shift yourself slightly back, leaning more into Ash so you can watch Calum come undone. You feel his hips continue to drive his cock into you as you watch the obscene way Ash fingers his mouth. You could almost cum again from the visual alone.

“Gonna cum for us, baby?” You breathe, out of your mind with desire. Cal glances at you with a question in his eyes but you answer it before he has a chance to ask. “It’s OK, I want you to.”

Ashton pulls his fingers from Cal’s mouth and pushes your bodies tighter together. He wraps his hand around the back of Cal’s neck, thumb caressing his cheek. “Need you to cum for us, handsome.” And that seems to do it for him. Cal’s hips falter and he clings to you, groaning deeply as he pumps you with cum. It’s the first time you’ve ever let him cum in you and it couldn’t feel more right. His body is tense for a few more moments and then he relaxes, first pressing his lips to yours and then to Ashton’s.

“You’re gonna make a mess,” he chuckles as he gently pulls out.

“We’ve got plenty we can clean her up with,” Ash shrugs.

Cal considers that point and sits up, lifting your thigh to watch in awe as his cum - at least he assumes it’s his - starts to leak out of you. “Incredible,” he murmurs, leaning in, pressing kisses along your thigh.

Ashton sits up to join him and his eyes ping pong back and forth between watching you drip and watching Cal’s reaction to it. He swirls his fingers in the cum that’s now pooling on your thigh. He pulls back a little, drawing your and Cal’s attention. You watch in shock as he pushes his fingers into his mouth, tasting all three of you together. He moans and repeats the action, only this time, pulling Calum in for a kiss, sharing the taste with him.

They break apart and the three of you smile at each other, basking in the intimacy of everything that’s just happened. Cal lays down next to you, stroking over your hair as Ash reaches for his shirt and cleans between your thighs. When he’s done, he curls up next to you and Cal kisses him and then you. “So lucky to have you both,” Cal murmurs.

“We’re the lucky ones,” Ash smiles, grabbing Cal’s hand, interlacing their fingers and letting them rest on your hip.

“I hate that you have to go to bed alone after this,” you pout, kissing on Calum’s jaw.

“I’ll be just fine, this was worth it. Thank you both,” he whispers sincerely. He squeezes Ash’s hand and kisses your forehead.

You’re practically asleep, warm and naked, feeling safe with your loves when they finally decide it’s time for bed. The guys quickly pull their clothes back on and help you into yours. Ash takes the blanket to the laundry room while you put out the fire and turn off the Christmas tree lights. You hold their hands as you navigate the dark house, pulling them up the stairs.

You stop at the guest room to say goodnight to Cal. “You should come to bed with us,” you whisper.

Calum smiles at you but shakes his head. “I think we’ve already pushed our luck quite a bit tonight, darlin’.” He looks to Ash for backup.

“Your sister got her perfect engagement, we pulled off the world’s quietest threesome… we should take the win,” Ashton chuckles quietly.

You pout but know they’re right. Cal pulls you into him by your hips and kisses you, slow but passionate. “Get to bed, darlin’.”

You walk to your room and stand in the doorway, waiting for Ashton. You smile as you watch your boyfriends flirt, easily the most comfortable they’ve ever been with each other. Ash actively reaches out to pull Cal into a kiss and you decide it’s a moment for them; you lay in bed and close your eyes, letting the memories of the evening wash over you, filling you with warmth and contentment.

Ashton quietly enters the room, unsure if you’re awake; you feel the bed shift as he climbs in and you turn over to gaze at him dreamily. “How you feelin’, love?” You ask, carefully, wanting to encourage him to share with you without seeming like you’re pressing.

He lays on his side and gives you a loving, appreciative look. “Happy. Excited. Very, very grateful to have someone like you by my side,” he reflects, gently tracing where your t-shirt has lifted to expose your hip. “I know it’s taken me a while to kind of figure out what I need from this relationship… even back when it was just us, honestly. You’ve just always been so patient and open with me and I hope I’ve made clear how much I appreciate that. And you.”

You scoot in closer, resting your head on his pillow, your face inches from his. “Even before Cal happened, I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy, Ash. With me, without me… with me with someone else…” You both giggle and you peck his lips sweetly. “I’m glad you’re finding your place in all this. And I’m happy to do whatever I can to help you find it.”

You know it takes a lot for Ashton to share with you like this and you savor it when it happens. You lay yourself on his chest and he strokes your hair as you quietly talk some more. You’re starting to drift off to sleep when you hear your phone buzz on the nightstand. You look up at Ash, concerned, before reaching for it.

“It’s Cal, asking if we’re awake?” You shrug, quickly responding that you are.

Seconds later, your bedroom door slowly opens and Calum carefully closes it behind him. Unlike the previous night, he doesn’t hesitate to help himself onto the bed and snuggle into your back, resting his hand on top of Ash’s on your hip.

“Couldn’t sleep. It just… I don’t know... didn’t feel right being without you both after that,” he explains, kissing your neck.

Light kisses and soft touches are exchanged between you all and then there’s a brief discussion about how long the cuddle session should be. You push to have Cal sleep in bed with you and Ash and though they’re reluctant at first, you eventually convince your boyfriends that the family will be none the wiser as long as you set an alarm to get him back to his room before everyone is up and around for Christmas morning.

Ashton untangles himself from you both to set both the alarm clock on the nightstand and the alarm on his phone, just to be safe. You turn towards Cal and peck his nose. “Feelin’ OK, bubba?”

He smiles, brushing your hair back. “Me? How are you? Tonight was kind of a lot. This week was kind of a lot, I feel like I haven’t checked in enough…”

“Bub, I’m so good,” you promise him, snuggling into his chest. “I’ve got you, I’ve got Ash… I get to wake up with you both on Christmas morning. It seems crazy to say but I actually think this all turned out perfectly.”

You feel Ash press himself tightly against your back, stretching his arms out to hug you both, sandwiching you between the two men. It’s sweet at first and then it quickly becomes silly and the three of you giggle quietly, giddy with exhaustion and affection.

“Plus, now everyone has an idea of what we're all like together so it won't come as too big of a shock when I post a picture of me kissing you both at midnight on New Year's Eve," you grin back and forth between the two.

Calum chuckles, "Oh is that the new plan?"

You wrap their arms tighter across you and contentedly say, "New year, new beginning. Let my sister have Christmas, New Year's will be ours."

Your words hang in the air as you all consider the weight of them. Ash breaks the silence by laughing to himself, causing both you and Cal to look at him with inquiry.

"Care to share?" You ask, using Cal's hand to playfully jab Ash's side, causing him to laugh more.

Ashton looks at you both and smirks, "I was just thinking… if tonight was Christmas sex at your family's house, the fuck are we gonna do to celebrate New Year's Eve at home?"

Calum snickers beside you, a naughty look on his face making you wonder what's running through his mind.

"Well," you start, playfully nipping under each of your boyfriends' jaws. "We've got a whole week to figure that out, now don't we?"

————-

Taglist issues again so my apologies if you get notif’d more than once (or not at all)

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#5sos smut #Cashton smut #PolyCashton smut #Calum hood smut #ashton irwin smut #Calum smut #ashton smut #5 seconds of summer smut #smut #Kindahoping4forever #cal-puddies #cass & crystal #the dream team 🦦🦦#Feedback is appreciated #cass and crystal present: hoe hours #cass and Crystal present: hoe for the hoelidays #I Don't Wanna Spend One More Christmas Without You #Thank you for reading and supporting our clownery this week!#We love you all and happy holidays!

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hiimsociallyawkward · 4 years ago

Text

Dear Lara Jean,

HI. so i watched TATBILB: A&F a few weeks ago, and I have some words. Before I begin, i'd like to preface that i'm literally 17 and have no film experience, and that I've read this book once maybe 4 years ago but here it is.

ps. if you haven't gotten it already: there will be spoilers. Heavy spoilers.

first of all, i'm sorry but i really didn't like the little edit things. Maybe I've reached that point in my life where I don't f with that anymore. Like when theres a drawn house and it slowly fades so it's real life?? no thanks

the music choice... I honestly didn't have that big of a problem with it, but my korean friend kept going "wtf is this music choice" so i'm quoting her on that.

the filming and editing. well maybe it's just me but I didn't really like it. yk when you're watching a youtuber and they do those zoom in things and it's sort of fast and funny? I think there were a few times the movie did that and i didn't like it.

literally, lara jean looking directly into the camera?? it feels like it's breaking the 4th wall and maybe they're doing it to be edgy but no thanks i didn't like that either.

WHY???? Her breaking the 4th wall added NOTHING to the movie. It just took me out of the experience. I especially didn’t like it when they did it in PS I still love you when they temporarily broke up.

THEY SET THE MOVIE IN OREGON. WHAT WAS THE REASON. THE BOOK WAS SET IN VA, AND I LIVE IN VA SO I FELT A CONNECTION TO THE BOOK. AND THEN THEY GO AND SET IT IN OREGON. WHAT. WAS. THE. REASON

OREGON DIDN’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WITH THE COLLEGES. THEY’RE STILL PRETTY FAR AWAY FROM STANFORD. IN THE BOOK, UVA WAS CLOSE BY SO LJ WOULDN’T HAVE TO BE TOO FAR AWAY FROM HOME. NO OFFENSE TO THE STATE BUT WHY OREGON. THEY COULD OF PUT THEM IN CALI AT LEAST

ONE OF THE REASONS WHY LJ WANTED TO GO TO UVA IS BECAUSE HER FAMILY WOULD BE CLOSE BY. BY PUTTING THEM IN OREGON, YOU TAKE AWAY THAT REASON. i just want to 👊 whoever’s idea this was

FURTHERMORE: THEY CHANGED UVA AND UNC TO STANFORD AND NYU. I AM INFURIATED. THE WHOLE POINT WAS THAT THEY WANTED TO GO TO UVA BECAUSE IT WAS LIKE 10 MINS FROM WHERE THEY LIVED AND IT'S A STATE SCHOOL. LARA JEAN FELT LIKE THE WAS GAURANTEED TO GO TO UVA AND WHEN SHE DOESNT, IT ACTUALLY HURTS THE READERS.

in the book, LJ was waitlisted from UNC, rejected from UVA, and accepted to W&M. I’m sure you can find like 40 people at our school who can relate to this situation. I doubt 40 people in our school can relate to being rejected from Stanford BUT accepted to NYU. dear writers, please give teens across the nation (your target audience) realistic expectations for college admissions.

YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT PETER AND LARA JEAN WERE ACTUALLY QUALFIED ENOUGH FOR STANFORD. LEMME JUST SAY, I'VE APPLIED FOR COLLEGES THIS YEAR AND I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD GRASP ON WHAT IT TAKES TO GET INTO CERTAIN COLLEGES. YOU'RE TELLING ME THE TWO OF THEM. REALLY. GOT. INTO. THOSE. SCHOOLS. pls.

DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE KISSING BOOTH. ELLE AND NOAH ARE POSSIBLY THE DUMBEST CHARACTERS I HAVE EVER WATCHED. I DON’T SEE THEM DO A PAGE OF HOMEWORK AND I DON’T EVEN THINK THEY ATTEND CLASS. LIKE MAKING A KISSING BOOTH FOR ONE FUNDRAISER FOR A CLUB THAT CONSISTS OF 2 PEOPLE DOES NOT COUNT AS ENOUGH TO GET INTO HARVARD. but that’s a different movie...

this is literally the idea that television and movies have in making it super easy to get into ivy leauges. as if some in state college isn't up to society's standards of where or where not it's ok to go to college. it's when gabriella montez goes to stanford, troy goes to berkely, ryan evan goes to julliard, teddy duncan goes to yale, cody martin is accepted to princeton, HANNAH MONTANA does to stanford.

and lara jean wants to study english lit. she never says “i want to go to stanford because of their great english lit program”. it’s only “i want to go to stanford because my boyfriend is going and i have no other life outside of him

fine. make your characters seem awesome by making them go to awesome colleges. but still. this is upseting.

you know how awesome it is to hear UVA, the college I've always wanted to go to, in a published book? and for them to just rip it away- espeically when UVA is so attainable?? Yea yea movie directors, i get it, UVA isn't good enough for you. whatever.

They had AT LEAST 5 MONTAGES. 5. FIVE. WHO NEEDS THAT MANY MONTAGES. To quote my friend "the movie is all montage and 30 mins of plot" AND I CAN'T FIND IT IN MYSELF TO DISAGREE WITH HER.

AND THE DANCES. I REALLY DIDN’T NEED TO SEE NOAH CENTINEO DO WHATEVER HE CALLS “DANCING” IN 2 MONTAGES. I know everyone fell in love with noah in the first movie, but i’m pretty sure everyone fell out of love with him in this one.

again, i know nothing about movies, but 5 montages?? it seems like you're just filling space and trying to make everything seem ✨awesome✨ and ✨amazing✨. SURE. everything might be awesome and amazing, but this movie was 1 HR AND 55 MINS. and you decided to add 1 HR of montages? WHy. AND. one of them was in slowmo. i can't

THEY HAD VOICE OVERS THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE MOVIE. sure. 1 at the begin and 1 at the end, I think that's cute. BUT THE WHOLE MOVIE?? WHY. like bruh- have a focus.

literally did anyone read the freaking book? Remember how- in the book right? Margot was actually really not ok with Trina bc she's sort of replacing their mom? and Margot is rlly not ok with it but gets over it?? see how that was summarized in like 5 seconds in the movie? Oh i'm sorry you used all your time for the movie making STUPID MONTAGES but can we get some actually emotionally beats next time?? thanks.

ok this is a big problem i have with the movie. in the 3rd book, peter tries to have a relationship with his dad who ran away from him years ago. He struggles with that relationship the whole book. This is good stuff. people can relate to this. the scene in the diner where peter “confronts” his dad was CRINGEY. It could be noah’s acting but i couldn’t take him seriously. AND HE FORGIVES HIS DAD AFTER 30 SECONDS. the movie tries to include these smaller storylines but can’t because of the time limit. i’m no screenwriter, but i’m sure there could have been a way to subtly move that plot line during the entire movie rather than that one conversation in the diner

and in the book, peter has to train for lacrosse so he has to eat healthy which stresses him out. i specifically remember him getting mad at someone (maybe it was john ambrose, i don’t remember fully) for EATING HIS CARROTS. this just shows that peter has a life too. he has to worry about lacrosse along with losing lj. but no, the movie makes him look like the perfect boyfriend who has no other worries in life except for the girl in front of him

remember how- in the book (right?? bc they had a book to go off of???) Stormy was a part of the 3rd book? like a BIG part?? They LITEALLY just used her as John Ambrose's grandmother (WHICH IM PRETTY SURE THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO IN THE MOVIES). literally, stormy and john ambrose were throw away characters in the second movie and i am infurriated. BUT ALSO I LOVE JOHN AMBROSE HOW COULD THEY DO THIS TO HIM??

and remember, how in the book, how the dog's name is "Jamie Fox-Pickle" and they changed it to HENRY??? where is the flavor. what was the reason. SERIOUSLY.

BUT ALSO. CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG BUT THERE WAS A POINT IN THE PLOT WHERE PETER'S MOM TOLD LARA JEAN TO BREAK UP WITH PETER. DOES NO ONE ELSE REMEBER THAT?? AND THEY CUT IT ALL OUT OF THE SCRIPT?? LIKE WHY. WHAT WAS THE REASON.

ok those are my biggest book grievances I think. but lemme just say, they NEVER went to NEW YORK. They literally wrote that in for the purposes of NYU. in the book, Chris and Lara Jean DRIVE to UNC because that's ATTAINABLE. BC THEY'RE STATE UNIVERSITIES. ANYWAYS

LJ’s and Chris’s spontaneous trip to unc showed their friendship in a good way. I never really liked chris as a friend to lj but during the trip, they are besties and it shows. the movie tries to do that in ny but peter is also in ny for some reason. she should have fell in love with ny WITHOUT peter at her side nagging her to sneak out and go on a date. she should have spent more time with chris rather than thinking about peter while she was watching the band.

the scene where Lara Jean is in New York and at the party and she sees the band? To all the boys I've loved before: Always and forever?? more like To all the boys I've loved before: gay awakening time.

when they moved the pink couch to the subway? WHy? They wanted snazzy pics.

when Lara Jean and Peter were making up and it was a really cute sequence AND THEN THEY MADE HER LOSE HER V CARD. FINE. I GET HOW THAT'S REALISTIC BUT IT WAS A CUTE SCENE. MY FRIEND ALMOST STARTED CRYING AND THEN LJ LOST HER V CARD AND WE COULDN'T STOP SCREAMING.

this is different from what was in the book (for the 100th time). In the book, they don’t do it and it shows that you can be in a high school relationship without being physical. I strongly appreciate that message. This darn movie had to have her lose her v card. WHY. IT ADDED NOTHING TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP. THE YEARBOOK SIGNING WAS SYMBOLIC ENOUGH

the montage where it's a montage of all of lara jean's and peter's cute moments?? ok fine. that was cute. but they literally just took scenes from past movies. imagine the impact if we like hidden moments from their relationships. maybe they're laughing in the car together. maybe they're watching they sunset. maybe peter is looking at her lovingly while she sleeps. WHAT IF. it WASN'T a montage of all the "bigger" moments of their relationship, and we got to see them just exist.

UGH. THE VOICE OVER AT THE END OF THE MOVIE IS SO CRINGEY I CAN'T

"WE AREN'T LIKE OTHER COUPLES. NOT US, LARA JEAN AND PETER KAVINSKY. BECAUSE WE HAVE SOMETHING BETWEEN US. WRITING LOVE LETTERS" please. b freaking s

Some redeemable qualities

while i didn't like most of the songs, "like me better" by lauv will always be loved. especially since it's a call back from the first movie?? I can ftw

WHY WASN’T “LIKE ME BETTER” THEIR SONG???? I really thought it was a good song to be their song and they referenced it in the beginning. No offense to the “beginning middle and end” people, but i felt no attachment to that song.

they customized her phone. it looked like it was a 7 (idk rlly, i don't know crap abt iphones) but they customized it. Granted, I KNOW lara jean would be the one with the aesthetic background with color coded folder, but still- they did give her relevant apps. some to note include; tiktok, spotify, instagram, netflix, notes, messages, facetime, maps, whatsapp and the STANFORD APP?? whatever- i'm chill.

they did make lara jean make choices so that was good.

the prom ask?? That was cute. with the pancakes??

at the end when Peter played the song even though earlier he didn't like it?? I liked that. i liked that a lot. ok fine i more than liked that a lot. There are multiple texts where my friends are screaming at each other. In fact, 26 separate messages.

chris in general. granted, she was more present in the books, but i'll take what i can get.

some notable quotes by her, the queen

"I'm dead inside"

not wanting to do a gigantic walk down from the stairs and asking the boys not to turn around

peter said he liked lara jean's forehead kisses and that reminded me of emma chamberlain so that's a positive only bc of emma

I remembered that they were the class of 2021, and I'M class of 2021 and it just hit for a second.

my friend cried over their graduation but i felt nothing bc we're literally living in a pandemic and chances of me getting a real graduation?? we'll see

again, these are all just my opinion. my friend doesn't like the movie bc she says she's sad and bitter and seeing these cute couples makes her feel lonely but i'm just diappointed. the books were GOOD. they were gold.

there was so much they could’ve done with the movies, and i just feel like they didn’t deliver on anything. Jenny Han, i’m sorry. The movie overall, ik someone who cried about it and someone else who gave it 7/10. props for them but jeez i just wish for more.

ok but that’s the show folk. i mean, obviously everything i said was opinion and literally don’t listen to anything i’ve said. BUT. feel free to add what you hated or loved abt the movie too. thanks. i love you guys. “always and forever” :,)

p.s- omg not them ripping off taylor swift. jk jk. ok bye

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shessoparticular · 4 years ago

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Headphones - s.m pt ii

This is a (much longer) follow up to my first blurb headphones, which can be found here. Enjoy some more dad! Shawn x

Shawn had braced himself for the aftermath of his random and public announcement of his daughter. He knew that the two of you hadn’t discussed ever talking about her publicly, and definitely not on a whim as Shawn had. He knew that you wanted to maintain anonymity at places like the grocery store and the park with your daughter and the thought of him jeopardizing that made him upset at himself.

You couldn’t be mad at him; you knew he adored Frankie with every ounce of his being and would never do anything to intentionally hurt her or you. Heading backstage after the show only confirmed this. “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what came over me” Shawn started as you sat down in the greenroom. “I was just in the moment and when I spotted my two favorite girls in the crowd I wasn’t thinking and just started talking about her. I’m so sorry” He apologized while taking a sleepy Frankie from your arms. “So good dada!” Your daughter exclaimed, hugging into her daddy’s shoulders and nestling her face in his neck. “I put on my best show for you and mommy” He replied, leaving wet kisses all over the girl who was not as sleepy anymore, giggling up at her daddy. “I’m not mad Shawn” You replied, hugging into his side as he tried to calm Frankie down. “I know it probably wasn’t the ideal way for us to announce the existence of this silly girl, but it was bound to happen one day, plus it was super cute” You explained, never being able to stay that mad at the gentle giant.

Playing in New York City had its perks, like staying in a 5-star hotel for a few days far away from the cramped busses with your loud daughter and a bunch of crazy touring boys. Frankie loved all her uncles, but you knew everyone needed a break from each other sometimes. It also meant Shawn spent most of the first day off doing press and you knew that Frankie would definitely be bought up by interviewers because of her dads out of the blue announcement at the show the night beforehand. You couldn’t hideaway for a few days and just hope it would all blow over this time.

“Babe I promise Elvis is super respectful, I’ve known him since I was like 16 or 17, its safe for you and Frankie to come along” Shawn promised, smiling next to you in bed while your daughter played on his chest. “Me come dada?” She asked raising her head to look up at him, clearly understanding that her dad was trying to get her to come along to his first interview of the day. “Let’s see what your mommy says hey?” He laughed, brushing the curls out of your daughters eyes. You knew that she was obviously going to be a topic of conversation for quite a while. “Okay, but she’s not in front of the cameras under any circumstances okay? I like Elvis’ show so it’s probably a good way to start” You responded, trying to get used to what you assumed would become the new normal. “I’m gonna try and be as truthful as possible if that’s okay? There’s no point in lying about it now” He replied as you nodded your head in agreeance.

“For the 100th time it seems, please welcome Shawn Mendes to the Elvis Duran show” Elvis Duran exclaimed. He one of Shawn’s favorite interviewers and you knew that this was probably the safest show to do straight after the announcement. “Happy to be back. You guys know that this is my favorite place to come to every time I’m in town” Shawn replied sincerely. “Don’t start that with me Mendes, we have to discuss something serious with you after last night” Elvis sassed as you grimaced watching from behind the screens with Shawn’s press crew. You knew that Frankie would be bought up eventually, but you were given no time to prepare as she was about to be Elvis’ first topic. “Ahh yes, I knew this was gonna happen after my slip up last night” Shawn laughed, trying to be as truthful as possible as you’d previously discussed. “You have a daughter!” Medha, Elvis’ cohost exclaimed loudly. “When did this happen, Shawn?” Elvis asked, allowing Shawn to try and explain himself. “It’s a long story” He laughed before continuing to explain. “My wife isn’t in the public eye and we’ve tried to keep it that way for a long time. She shouldn’t have to deal with stuff like being harassed and followed in public because of my career so we decided pretty early on that I’d keep that side of my life pretty private” He continued, making eye contact with you as you blew him a kiss through the window of the studio. “Frankie came along around 18 months ago and it was extremely hard for me to not talk about her. That’s why I didn’t tour for a little bit, I wanted to be there for every step. I found it extremely hard not to talk about them though or show them off in public” He started to tear up. “I always talk about how I have the best job in the world when truthfully being a husband and a dad has far surpassed it for me. I love my job but when I saw her for the first time, nothing else even mattered and I just knew I would give up everything for her and her mom” By this point he was in full blown tears with Elvis passing him tissues. “You are such a dad Shawn” Danielle, Elvis’ other cohost laughed, clearly touched by what he was saying. At this point of the interview you were crying like a baby as well, your heart swelling from the affectionate words from Shawn.

“God I just love her so much and I’m so lucky. I know my wife agrees that she’s a total daddy’s girl and man, she has me wrapped around her little finger. I don’t think I’m now gonna turn into a full-blown Instagram dad but I’m really glad the secret is out in the open now. I know I’m gonna have to show you guys the 3 million photos I have of her on my phone after this. Man, I’m such a dad” He laughed, wiping away his tears. “I didn’t expect this outcome for the interview in the briefing yesterday Shawn. Did you and your wife plan the announcement on stage last night?” Elvis laughed. “Absolutely not. I thought she’d be raging but she understood that I was just in the moment and it just came out” He replied, listening as Elvis replayed the fans clips from the show. The show continued, discussing the tour and new music as you and Frankie stood outside the studio watching him with pure love.

As soon as the recording light turned off, Shawn rushed outside to grab the two of you to introduce to his trusted media friends. “Holy shit Shawn, did you just clone yourself but into a female version?” Elvis laughed as you handed your daughter to Shawn, who wrapped her hands around her daddy’s neck while hiding from the unfamiliar people. “She’s pretty cute hey” He laughed, wrapping his right arm around you, introducing you to everyone. “Missed you dada” Frankie sighed, hiding her face. “Missed you more, superstar” He replied before peppering her face with kisses as she lit up the room with her giggles. “Lights up the room, just like her daddy” You sighed with content, watching your two favorite people in the world.

Later that night, with Frankie cuddled up in the middle of your large queen sized bed, the two of you discussed the events of the day. “Do you think I should just post one photo of her, just so the media backs off for a bit?” He asked nervously. “I think that’s a great idea, I have the perfect photo” You grabbed your phone off the nightstand, showing him that photo of Frankie in a giant tour shirt, her daddy's face in the center, massive noise cancelling headphones and the famous Mendes smile from the night before. “This is perfect” He laughed, posting the photo with the simple caption of “My Frankie❤️” before turning off his phone, ready to sleep.

“You know Shawn if you want to keep referring to me as your wife in interviews, you better hurry up with a ring honey” You teased, as he cuddled into you from behind, being careful to not squish your daughter. You were completely unaware of the diamond weighing down his suitcase.

#dad! shawn #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb

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hockeylvr59 · 5 years ago

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Secrets & Surprises || Kevin Hayes

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: So this is 100% based on the bardown Haysie video. I was soft the first time I watched it and the 100th and I just couldn’t not write this when it popped into my head.

Warnings: minor cursing

Word Count: 1,995

~~~~

Tonight’s surprise was going to be epic. You and Kevin had been planning it for weeks and as you got ready for your brother to pick you up for the game, you were practically bouncing in excitement.

See, you’d been dating Kevin for almost five months when you’d found out that you were pregnant. It was unexpected but certainly not unwelcome. You loved him and the way he looked at you with pure adoration (plus his teammates' frequent chirping of him) told you that he loved you too.

Your parents had adored Kevin from the first time they’d met him so when you broke the news to them about the baby they were also ecstatic. Kevin’s parents and siblings had been much the same, teasing you for finally tying Kevin down and how you were going to have two kids to take care of because Kevin was himself still very much a kid. You had the support of all of Kevin’s teammates and their partners, the wives and girlfriends of the team taking Kevin’s place at doctor’s appointments when the team was on the road and your parents were unavailable.

Now at 14 weeks, you were definitely starting to show, though your bump was still easily covered by a sweatshirt or hockey jersey.

Despite all of the support surrounding you, there was still one person you hadn’t broken the news to yet.

Your big brother.

Ethan was in the Air Force and had been deployed for the past nine months, only returning home last week. You had talked to him almost weekly while he was away, as had your parents, but while he knew that you’d been seeing someone and that it was getting serious, he didn’t know that that someone was a hockey player on his favorite team, nor did he know that he was going to be an uncle in 5-6 months. That news was just too good to spill over a phone call or facetime after all.

So, when you’d found out your brother was coming home a few weeks ago, you and Kevin had talked about planning something and he’d roped his team into helping the two of you out. The Flyers organization had called your brother a few days ago telling him that he’d been nominated to be their military guest for the next home game. Of course, your brother was pumped and with his set of four tickets to the game, he’d quickly invited you and your parents. It had been years since the four of you had gone to a game together and it brought back so many good memories you had as a child.

You’d looped your parents in on the plan before your brother had even gotten the call so they played along, looking forward to the reveal of this well-kept secret as well. Now, after being picked up by your brother you were walking through the halls of Wells Fargo, draped in an orange Hayes jersey, your parents in front of you and your brother beside you as you headed to your seats. As you watched warmups, your brother rambled on about how you all were going to get to meet some of the players after the game and his excitement for all of this made you even more giddy to watch it all play out.

When your dad and brother had gone for beers, you’d shared a knowing look with your mom along with whispers about how excited your brother was and how much he was going to freak out when all was revealed.

The game was a good one, the team was full of energy like they were riding off the high of the impending surprise as well. Kevin had scored early in the second period and when he did he sent you a wink from the pileup with his teammates, one that no one else would likely notice but you certainly did. It made your heart flutter, though Kevin had been making your heart flutter from the day you met and for a moment you dazed off thinking about how in a year's time you could do this with your family and son or daughter.

By the end of the game, Kevin had added an assist onto the scoresheet as well and the way he was buzzing around the ice told you he was as ready for this as you were. You’d hung around at your seats for a few minutes as the arena started to clear out before one of the Flyer’s staffers appeared, introducing himself to your brother before leading the four of you down to the hallway outside the locker room.

Since Kevin had had such a good game you knew it would be a few minutes before he was free from the media and able to make an appearance. In the meantime, a few of the other guys popped out to introduce themselves to your brother, thanking him for his service. Each sent you a subtle wink or smirk as they left, looks that your brother was too hyped up to notice. This was a childhood dream of his coming true and seeing him so happy made you happy.

When Kevin finally did appear, it was clear that he had yet to hit the showers because he was dressed in a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt, ball cap pulled over his sweaty hair. As he introduced himself to Ethan, your mom placed a hand on your lower back her smile growing. This was the first time that the love of your life was meeting your hero and seeing them already laughing and joking had you smiling from ear to ear.

Kevin had immediately thanked your brother for his service and your brother had in return commented on how thrilled he was as a Flyers fan to have Kevin join the team. You knew that was genuine because as soon as the trade had happened your brother had called you geeking out.

As their conversation dulled just a bit, an anxious feeling spread within you knowing that you were mere moments away from your brother’s reaction to your news. Your mom asked for a picture of the two of them together and since this was the signal the three of you had planned you let out a shaky breath unconsciously. As Kevin pulled his arm away from your brother’s shoulder he spoke the magic words and instantly your heart soared.

“Congrats on being an uncle by the way too.” The comment fell out so naturally that you knew it was going to throw your brother off for a moment and it did just that.

“Oh man...wha….?” You were torn between watching your brother and watching Kevin. The former had this look of amazement from the experience lingering, growing confusion on his face and Kevin had this secretive smile on his and you mentally tried to memorize both.

“Wait.” Your brother said looking back and forth between Kevin and your parents like his brain was just now catching up with everything. You were the only two children so neither of you had any previous nieces or nephews and all at once that connection made its way into your brother's mind. It was only then that Kevin pointed at you and when your brother turned his attention to you, you felt tears pooling in your eyes.

“Yeah. Dead serious.” You declared and then within a second, Ethan was rushing over to you.

“Really? Holy!” He exclaimed, his arms wrapping around you in a tight hug. “You’re having a baby?” He questioned and you quickly nodded, laughing softly. It was clear that he was excited but he was still very confused.

With his arm still draped around you, he looked at your parents and seeing no surprise on their faces he paused.

“Wait...mom and dad know?” He questioned.

“Of course they know...I am 14 weeks along.” You stated as if that should be obvious even though you knew that none of this was obvious to him.

“14 weeks...That’s like 3 months.” He deduced, his expression causing you to fight back a laugh. “And you’re just now telling me?!” He exclaimed.

“Well, it’s not exactly over the phone news bud.” You stated, shrugging. While he was attempting to process that piece of news, the question of how Kevin Hayes had known must have come into his head because suddenly another very perplexed look crossed his face.

“Wait...did you set all of this up just to tell me?” He questioned.

“Eh...kinda sorta.” You admitted, rubbing a hand up and down your brother’s back gently. You were aware that this was all a lot to process because you were kind of throwing it at him all at once.

“And you recruited Haysie to tell me because of our phone call when he was traded?” Ethan guessed hesitantly.

“Well, I know you’re a fan…” You started. “And Haysie is pretty well known for being a great uncle….” Taking a breath you peeked over at Kevin for just a moment, seeing him leaning against the wall just watching this all play out. “So those would both be good reasons for requesting he tell you.”

Your brother nodded, seeming to think that was the end of it, accepting your consent to those being good reasons as an affirmative answer. Your dad let out a soft snort off to your left and your smile grew as you pondered just how to phrase this.

“Those would both be good reasons, but I don’t know...I thought maybe you’d like to hear the news from the man who knocked me up instead.” The arm around your shoulder stiffened and Kevin let out a boisterous laugh at your phrasing. Glancing up you saw that Ethan’s eyes were wide and after a second he stepped back, looking back and forth between you and Kevin.

“Wait?” Once again his eyes traveled back and forth. “No fucking way!” He declared, his tone excited but disbelieving. Taking two steps forward, you met Kevin in the middle of the hallway, his lips dropping to yours for a gentle kiss as you quickly pulled the cap off his head, spinning it around backward so that it didn’t hit you in the face. It was a smooth movement, one made with the ease of considerable practice and when you turned to look at your brother again, Ethan’s jaw was on the floor.

“Yes, fucking way.” You finally responded, laughing once more because this reaction was everything you could have hoped for. Almost tripping over his own feet, Ethan spilled forward again and reached out his hand for Kevin.

“I’ve heard so much about you...I can’t believe I didn’t put the pieces together.” You were relieved to know that Ethan wasn’t mad at you for keeping this whole thing a secret, though you knew you were sure to hear about it later. “Thanks for taking care of her while I’m away.” Ethan eventually mused, clearly okay with your choice of a boyfriend and baby daddy.

In return, Kevin took the offered hand, shaking it back before pulling your brother in for the typical manly hug.

“Thanks for taking care of her for the past 26 and a half years.” Kevin had previously thanked your parents for raising such an incredible woman but he knew that your brother had always been your protector and best friend and had played just as important of a role in making you who you were today.

Standing in the hallway, you couldn’t help but feel blessed to be surrounded by so many people you loved. You couldn’t wait for Ethan and Kevin to get to spend some more time together and you couldn’t wait to bring this baby into the world...to show them what it meant to be part of a family.

You were one lucky woman and you weren’t ever going to forget that.

#kevin hayes #kevin hayes imagine #philadelphia flyers #philadelphia flyers imagine #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #hockey imagines #025 #pflyers #1k celly

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kitkatwinchester · 4 years ago

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On September 13th, 2005, a new show made its debut on the WB. It was about two brothers whose lives were flipped upside down the day their mother was murdered by a demon. It had a small budget, a small cast, and a small crew, but the people involved were dedicated. They wanted to do everything they could to make sure the story of Sam and Dean Winchester was told. They wanted to show us the true power of family in the darkest of times. Little did any of them know just how much of a legacy they would create, and just how much of a family their following would come to be.

I was four years old when Supernatural first came on the air. I had no concept of any show beyond Blue’s Clues, Lazy Town, and the Disney Channel. I was a smart kid, but a kid nonetheless, and Supernatural just wasn’t something I was ready for. As I grew up, Supernatural achieved milestone after milestone. It made it through the channel change to the CW. It survived a writer’s strike in its third season. And in April of 2010, it hit its 100th episode milestone. As it neared the end of its fifth season, Eric Kripke’s original storyline had been told, and it seemed as if the show would end, then and there. But it didn’t. Instead, it continued beyond its originally scheduled timeline, taking on a new showrunner in its sixth season and continuing for years after. And in 2011, in the middle of said sixth season, it finally made its way onto my radar.

Tenzin Tsekye and I have been best friends for fourteen years, so we’ve spent a lot of time together. We’ve had hundreds of sleepovers, shared a million memories, and watched thousands of shows and movies together. So when, at one of our many sleepovers, she suggested that we watch an episode of something called “Supernatural”, I trusted her. She knows what I watch, she knows how I am. I was bound to like it. Except there was one problem. She insisted on watching this one episode that she really liked (Family Remains) that was smack dab in the middle of season four, and I was not having it. I told her that we had to start from the beginning. I didn’t know anything about this show, so how could I possibly watch an episode in the middle of its fourth season? It wouldn’t make any sense to me. She kept assuring me that it didn’t have anything to do with the main plot (a concept I now know as “Monster of the Week”), and that I would love it. But I wasn’t convinced, and I was persistent. I told her that if we weren’t going to start from the beginning, I wouldn’t watch it at all.

We argued about it for at least an hour, and finally, I backed down. I said that we could watch the season four episode only if we went back and watched the first episode afterwards. She agreed. After we watched Family Remains, she stuck to our agreement and we watched the pilot. And then we watched the second episode. And the third. And the fourth. And my entire life was changed forever.

It still baffles me to this day how close I came to never starting Supernatural to begin with. I thank Tenzin all the time for being so stubborn on that night. Who knows what my life would be like today if she hadn’t been? Looking back, it’s hard for me to picture a time before I started watching Supernatural--so much so that pinpointing when, exactly, it became the obsession that it is today is near impossible. But what follows is a rough timeline of events based on the major things I do remember.

Tenzin and I never wound up watching the rest of the show together. Instead, I brought the show up to my dad. It took a while, since we were both pretty busy, but by the next year, Supernatural had become our new thing. I was a busy middle schooler, so it was often hard to fit in watching more than one episode on the days we spent together, which meant it was slow-going for a while, but we did our best. Luckily, the fact that we weren’t binging it all at once meant that we were able to avoid a lot of the cliffhangers, (which, looking back at it now, makes me feel very lucky), and it gradually became my favorite show of all time. By the time Season 9 was on the air, in 2014, we had caught up on all eight seasons on Netflix, and I was hooked and ready for more.

We didn’t have cable, so instead, we watched every episode a few days after they aired once they came on Hulu (I didn’t learn about cwtv.com until much later), and it was at this point that I really started to dive into the fandom. Now that I was caught up, I was able to look up fandom content as I pleased without worrying about spoilers. I guess you could say this is when the obsession truly kicked in.

As I came up on my teen years, Supernatural became my life. I started requesting even more Supernatural merchandise as birthday gifts, Christmas presents, and everything in between, and I would wear the gifts I got anywhere I could. Within a few months, I discovered the world of fan fiction, and within a year, I grew confident and excited enough to start writing my own. I started watching video compilations not just of the show, but of the cast--behind the scenes videos, bloopers, convention videos, and so much more. I joined Facebook groups about the show and finally started interacting with other fans, making all kinds of friendships along the way.

On top of that, as the tenth season came to a close with no signs of the show stopping, my mom finally caved in to my babbling and excitement and started watching the show with me. We started back at the Pilot (which, for me, was probably about my fifth re-watch at that point), and we made it all the way to about mid-season five just as the eleventh season was getting ready to air.

And then a truly amazing thing happened.

For my 16th birthday, that same amazing mother bought me tickets to the Supernatural Convention in Chicago.

To put it lightly, I was excited. Very excited.

On the weekend of September 9th, 2016, just a week before my birthday, I got to meet the Supernatural cast for the first time. And that convention experience was one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

When we were on our way to the convention, I was really just excited that I’d finally get to meet these celebrities--these HOT celebrities--that I’d seen on the big screen for the last few years. At this point, they were basically idols to me, and even having the chance to see them in person was the best thing I could’ve asked for. But when I got to that convention, I was hit with something even better than I could’ve hoped for.

I say all the time that the SPN Family is a different fandom than any other. There’s a special feeling throughout our fandom that, as someone who is in multiple fandoms, I have not been able to feel anywhere else. When I try to explain that to people, nobody gets it. Even my mom, when I first started talking about it, kind of shrugged it off like it was nothing. But when we got to that convention, she felt it too. The air is different. The second you walk into a room of fellow Supernatural fans, you feel comfortable. You feel welcome.

That first convention, my mom didn’t really come with me to the panels. She took some photo ops with me, but being as far behind as she was, she didn’t want to spoil things for herself too much, so I spent the majority of the convention by myself, at a mere fifteen years old. But I never felt scared or alone or apprehensive. I made friends immediately. The people I was sitting next to, the people I stood in line with, basically anyone I came in contact with struck up a conversation with me, and it would end with Facebook usernames, Twitter handles, or even phone numbers being exchanged to contact each other in the future. It was insane. I’d never been in an environment like that before, and I loved it. And the openness didn’t stop there.

When it came time to meet the actual members of the Supernatural cast, they were just as kind and wonderful to talk to. At every panel, the guests were so eager to interact with fans, and many of them even stepped off the stage to come say hi to fans who were in line to ask them questions. Even the three main stars, Jensen, Jared, and Misha--who had to stay on the stage for security reasons--did everything they could to bond with fans and make them smile or laugh, and it was beautiful. And that transcended beyond the panels.

That Sunday, my mom and I had a photo op with Jensen and Jared, and let me tell you, I was crazy nervous. I mean, these were huge celebrities and people that I really looked up to, and I was about to get a photo with them. Plus, Jensen was my very first celebrity crush and all-time favorite actor at the time (he still is, to be honest). The whole thing was crazy nerve-wracking.

After standing in line for a bit, it was finally our turn, and as my mom and I stepped up, and I turned to Jensen to tell him what we wanted for the photo, I completely froze up. My brain told me to say: “We want to do a squishy hug photo.” But what came out instead was something more along the lines of “hug please photo hug?” To say the least, I was blushing with embarrassment for several hours afterwards. But despite my nerves and fangirling, Jensen just smiled at me, and he gave me a little chuckle, and said: “sure thing, sweetheart”, which, of course, made me fall apart even more. Nonetheless, the photo happened, and at the end of it all, Jensen gave me one more reassuring little rub on the back, plus a second hug and a last smile before we headed off and away from the duo.

It took me hours to process the whole thing, but at the end of it all, I was so happy and relieved.

Jensen could’ve been cold. He could’ve given me a weird look for freaking out so much. He could’ve even just done the picture and gotten it over with. But he didn’t. He went the extra mile to make sure I knew that my nerves were okay, and they were understandable, but that he wasn’t judging, and he was okay with it. And that really says something.

After that, I went to a convention every year (excluding this year, for obvious reasons). I’ve been to four conventions in all, and every single year, the experience has only gotten better, because I’ve gotten more confident and comfortable around the actors--all because of that special energy.

In 2017, I was picked to sing karaoke with several of the actors from the show...on stage...in front of a huge crowd of Supernatural fans. For those of you who know me pretty well, you know that I have terrible stage fright when it comes to singing in front of people. I get super nervous, and the nerves just get higher with bigger crowds. But that night, to my surprise, I was great. Not only did I sing the classic “Wanted Dead or Alive” in front of hundreds of people, but I got to sing and dance with some of my favorite actors--and I was confident about it. When I was on that stage, dancing with the actors and singing with the fandom, I felt good.

It wasn’t until long after I was done that it hit me what had just happened, and I couldn’t believe it. All of my years of performing in theater productions and talent shows, and I had never been as confident as I had been on that karaoke night. I still have the video on my phone, and I smile at it in disbelief every time I watch it.

My confidence only grew from there. In 2018, I decided to submit to the convention’s fandom music video contest. I spent many hours and many days putting together an edit for Team Free Will 2.0. I was super particular about the timing--beats had to hit scene changes exactly right, lyrics had to line up with the scenes being shown, and I really wanted to tell a good story. When I finally finished the edit, I showed it to my dad--who’s been doing films his entire life--to get his opinion, and he was super impressed. Even though he had stopped watching the show around Season 11 (luckily, my mom was caught up at this point, so she and I were able to watch it together), he really loved what I had done with the edit. (He actually wound up loving it so much that he asked me to edit several projects for him later, including a music video, film production, and theater trailer, opening a door for me in life--one I never would’ve found without Supernatural.)

I submitted it to the Denver convention, and months later, when I was finally able to attend said convention in August of 2018, I was nervous, but excited. As my convention experience went on, I kind of forgot that I had submitted an edit, instead enjoying my time with my new Supernatural friends, the actors, and, now that she was caught up, my mom. But on the third day, they announced the winner, and to be perfectly honest, I didn’t hear what name they said, but we all kind of assumed that it hadn’t been me, which was a little disappointing, but I didn’t let it get me down. But then, while I was talking to my friend, I heard the tell-tale notes of the opening of “This is Me”--the song I had used for the edit--and my head whipped to the screen faster than it ever has for anything. Sure enough, in the #1 spot, was my music video edit.

Needless to say, I kind of lost my mind. I ran up to the front to claim my certificate--including the gift certificate for $100 of Supernatural merchandise--and couldn’t stop jumping up and down. And my friends that I’d made at the convention that year were jumping right along with me. It was a beautiful moment.

By the time the 2019 Chicago convention rolled around, I had grown really comfortable with the whole cast, crew, and fandom, and 2019 was one of my best experiences yet. I submitted another video edit and got second place. I sang the Ghostbusters theme (Hillywood style, of course) with a friend at karaoke night. I even managed to ask every actor a question at their panels without stuttering, even bantering back and forth with a few of them. At autograph tables, I managed to have full-fledged conversations with some of the actors, and at my photo op with Jensen and Jared, I actually told both of them exactly what we wanted to do for the picture without stuttering over my words.

In any other fandom, I don’t think I would’ve been able to do that. But the actors and the fans make that entire convention so comfortable and easy to get through, no matter how nervous you are, and that’s one of the many things I love about this show.

Sadly, though, there was also something else that happened in 2019.

On March 22nd, 2019, Jensen, Jared, and Misha made the announcement that all Supernatural fans were hoping would never come. On Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and everything in between, Jensen Ackles said the words we’d all been fearing: “Though we’re very very excited about moving into our fifteenth season, it will be our last.”

I was in Europe when I found out--Barcelona, to be specific--and to say that the news put a damper on my vacation would be an understatement. I was in tears, and I know many of my fellow Supernatural fans were too. This show had always struggled with ratings, but it had always pushed through, hitting milestone after milestone. So when the news finally came that it would be coming to a close, after a whopping 327 episodes, it shocked us all.

But even knowing it was ending, the cast, crew, and entire fandom were quick to note that it would never be far away. While the Winchester brothers would take their final ride in (what was supposed to be) May of 2020, it didn’t mean that the fandom would die. While news spread from actors to fans to, frankly, the entire world, we all rallied together, knowing that, as Jensen put it so well, “the show might end, but what it has built, this will never end”.

So we prepared for the end. I did my ten day countdown leading up to the premiere, and as the cast counted down each of their lasts on social media, we counted down each of our lasts watching the show.

And then 2020 happened, and everything changed. COVID-19 shut everything down, including production on Supernatural, and with only two episodes left for the cast to film (plus four that still needed post-production), it looked like Supernatural wasn’t gonna be able to end after all. They aired the completed first thirteen episodes of the season, and then it went on hiatus. I think, at the time, a lot of us were worried. What if something happened? What if they weren’t able to finish? What if, after fifteen years, the show had to be cancelled because of a pandemic?

But Supernatural’s never given up, and the pandemic was no exception. For the cast and crew, this was just another obstacle in the long line of obstacles that Supernatural has made it through over the years. And in August of 2020, Jared and Jensen went back to set--along with several other actors--and finished the Winchesters’ long legacy. And on October 8th, 2020, Season 15.5 began airing on the CW, and our long goodbye to a show we’ve all loved for years started all over again.

And now here we are.

I’m sure you’re asking me why all of this matters. I just gave you a complete rundown of the Supernatural timeline from the day I started it, and I haven’t even gotten to the point. So, here’s my point.

This is what my life has been for the last nine years. I was eleven years old when I finally discovered Supernatural, and now I’m twenty, and my life has changed so much.

Supernatural has taught me things that no other elements of my life possibly could. It’s brought out parts of my personality that I never would’ve discovered otherwise.

Supernatural has made me who I am today.

Supernatural has gotten me more involved on social media, even going so far as to create my own content to share.

Supernatural has influenced other things I watch. Now, I try to find shows, movies, and even books that have some of the same themes as this show because I love them so much.

Supernatural got me connected with GISH, which helped me feel more comfortable going out of my comfort zone and being a little (okay, a lot) weird.

Supernatural made me proud to be a fangirl, giving me the chance to express my interests publicly and feel free from judgement.

Supernatural gave me some amazing new friendships, and strengthened the relationships I already had with friends and family.

Supernatural brought out my creative side. From fan fiction writing, to photo collages, to video editing, this show has given me more ways to express myself than I ever could’ve hoped, and it’s opened so many doors for me in the process.

Supernatural has taught me so many lessons and mantras that I will cherish and keep with me forever. Between never giving up, spreading love and kindness, knowing that family always has your back, and not being afraid to be who you are, the show and its cast have given me confidence and strength that I will never forget.

For those of you out there who still think that Supernatural is “just a show”, this is what I present. When I first started Supernatural, I thought the same thing. But over the years, it has become so much more to me than that, and I know that the entire fandom agrees.

With Supernatural ending, a small piece of everyone in the fandom is ending with it, but deep down, we all know that this show will always be with us, and the legacy it’s leaving behind is something that will never be forgotten.

Supernatural has been through a lot, just like it’s two main characters; but, like Sam and Dean, it has never given up, and it has saved so many people’s lives in the process.

I feel so honored to have been even a small part of such an incredible journey.

Thank you, Supernatural.

Thank you, Supernatural cast and crew.

Thank you for making your fifteen years in this world matter.

Thank you for teaching all of us what it means to be human.

Thank you for showing us that we can continue to fight for ourselves and others no matter what the world throws at us.

Thank you for making every single one of us feel special and worth something.

You have changed my life, and the lives of so many others, more than you can possibly imagine by teaching us all that we truly can “carry on”.

On September 13th, 2005, an era began.

On November 19th, 2020, that era will end.

But its legacy will last forever.

“No doubt, endings are hard. But then again, nothing ever really ends, does it?”

#Supernatural #SPN #SPN Season 15 #the end

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myrealnameisnotthisbyfalloutboy · 3 years ago

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I don't like being petty except when I do

So for context I work in a small "mom & dad" style shopping complex store. The customers we have lived in the area for years and have set routines.

I know when Lee with the feather hat comes in with his debit card, he's getting a particular packet of cigarettes and the paper. I know when the white-haired American woman comes in she wants two $3 word play scratchers. And I know Alexander comes in every Monday to collect the daily Serbian paper because he enjoys the crosswords.

The thing is, this kind of knowledge goes two-way. Our regular customers know our regular schedules. So some customers specifically come in on a Tuesday for their weekly lotto because they know I work all-day Tuesdays and enjoy the conversations I have. There's a Croatian woman who comes in every Friday to collect both Croatian papers and to regale me with her life story because she enjoys the fact I still listen. Even though this is the 100th time I have heard this story.

And this has some drawbacks occasionally because it's not like we actually post our working schedule and sometimes our schedules change or someone needs a day off. Both me and my colleague are uni students, and my boss is a mum of two young children so life happens.

So when we work an unusual shift / cover for someone, we are often bombarded with questions along the lines of "Where's (other worker)?" and "Is (other worker) okay?".

I am not often petty. And it often doesn't yield satisfying results but there is a situation which is always satisfying in this regard.

When a coworker gets me to cover a shift because of a preference (ie. Not because they are sick or have appointments or whatever), I tell the customers that they are "unwell". And be super vague with it. Because our customers are always genuinely concerned when they ask. So there is a petty satisfaction when they return to work and the customers are all asking them "are you okay? I heard you were unwell" and watching the coworker flounder because they weren't actually unwell but don't want to say what they were actually doing and knowing the customer means well.

Also sorry not sorry ✌️those who I work with who see this.

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mendesficsxbombay · 5 years ago

Text

if i have to, i’ll wait forever | s.m

4:16 pm

He remembers it being sunny the day he first saw her. Really sunny, a rarity for their small town. The moving truck lined outside the house next door looked out of place amongst the other, er, family cars parked along the sidewalk. He saw the piles upon piles of cartons being brought in and out of the house, new neighbours, he remembers thinking. Also a rarity. He was still watching the movers when a Labrador came dashing out of the door, heading for the street. Panic set in, he had to do something, and his 10 year old brain thought it fit to run. And so he crossed the distance in quick leaps, making his way around his dad’s car and onto the street, throwing himself in front of the dog’s path in what he thought was an effective way of stopping the dog from running out.

“Coco! COCO STOP!!”

He was busy wrapping himself around the dog, trying to contain the bundle of energy and licks and a wagging tail to notice the small figure before him. When he finally looked up though, after the dog, Coco, had successfully pushed him to the ground and was now busy licking at his face, he saw her. She seemed his age, dark hair pulled into a braid, huffing and puffing after having chased Coco around the house before the menace dashed to the nearest exit - their front door. Walking up behind her was a woman who had the same long, dark hair as the girl before him, must be her mom, moving to help him off the ground.

“Hi, beta, thank you for that!,” she smiled warmly, “our little hero, aren’t you?”

He blushed a bit, the praise turning his ears pink. “Hi…”

“We’ve moved in just now! Do you live nearby?”

He nodded shyly, not very used to conversing with adults just so. “That’s our house,” he pointed to the house next door to their new neighbours.

The girl, so far so quiet, softly tugged on her mother’s dress. “Neighbours, Maa.”

“Yes, love, we’re neighbours now. Maybe you’ll even be friends n-”

“If you could bother helping me, maybe we’d be done faster,” a voice from their front door said. The woman sighed before turning around, “I’m coming back, Dev-” but the door was slammed shut before she could follow him in. The little girl turned to Shawn, gaging his reaction, her eyes dancing around his face. “Papa.”

Shawn turned to her in question - “What?”

“That’s my Papa, and my Mama.” she said motioning to their house. “And this our big puppy Coco.”

Shawn smiled softly, the girl returning it.

“My name’s Shawn. Can we be friends?”

_____________________________________

8:37 pm

“Wh-What do you mean you’re moving out?” he didn’t want to cry, he really didn’t. But he wasn’t entirely sure what it meant for him if his best friend in the whole world was moving to the city, leaving him all alone right where they met three years ago. She sighed before moving to sit next to him on the grass in his backyard, “They fight every day Shawn… any time they are in the same room, any time they have to speak to each other - it turns into a fight. I don’t even understand why-” but she cut herself off. It was shameful enough to hate her parents’ relationship, she didn’t need to say it out loud and make it all the more real. But Shawn knew. He always knew. His parents weren’t like that. He couldn’t really imagine them being like that, but if having her parents scream at each other loud enough for him to hear them through his windows, it wasn’t too hard to guess that it was scary. Scary enough for her mother to find a job in the city, an hour away from their town and far enough from her father.

“I’ll be coming back every weekend, though!” at this he looked back at her. “I won’t leave Papa completely, and I definitely won’t leave you completely! I’ll come back whenever I’ll be free from school!”

And, oh. Her moving away also meant that she would be moving schools. This meant they wouldn’t ride to and from school together anymore, he won’t have anyone to copy his math or english or biology homework off of, or really just any homework because she was smart and Shawn just - wasn’t, and this meant he wouldn’t have someone to eat his veggies at lunch and he won’t have anyone hear him talk about his dreams from the night before and - nothing would be the same again because his best friend in the whole wide world was moving away and there was nothing he could do about it.

“You’ll forget all about me,” he whispered, clammy hands pulling at the grass under him, “you’ll be at your new school with your new friends and you’ll forget about all of us here.”

She let out a little pffft! sound and shoved at his shoulder, “absolutely not, Mendes. You’re my favourite-est person ever, moving away won’t make me forget you at all.” He was still glum though, still not looking at her, still skeptical about the whole situation. She sighed and moved closer to him.

“Hey, look at me,” and he did,”you are my favourite. You always will be. If it was possible for me to stay away from my house but still be close to you I would do it. But I can’t,” her eyes were glazing over, the gravity of it all now sinking in that maybe, just maybe, he would forget about her, just like her Papa seemed to forget about her sometimes, even when they lived under the same roof. “You know no one’s happy when all of us live together, Maa says he might even love us again if we’re not around as much, she said absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think Papa will want her back soon. But I’ll come back to you, and maybe you can come to Toronto with uncle - aunty and Liyah and we can go to see the CN tower and we’ll talk everyday apart from that and I’ll poke you on Facebook everyday to remind you of me and,” finally taking a breath, “I hope you don’t forget about me.”

________________________________

10:08 am

“Just forget about it okay? It’s not worth it.”

“Excuse me? You texted me ‘SOS’ ‘this is URGENT’ when you know I’m in the middle of lab and made me panic and get out of class and I’m risking my class points right now just for us to go over the exact same conversation for the third time this week, so Shawn Peter Raul, you don’t get to tell me this isn’t worth it!”

Radio silence.

“Shawn? Are you still there?”, she checked her phone and no, the network didn’t cut off, it was just him playing dead. “Shawn. Speak up.”

“I- did you just yell at me?” he asked, his voice small. He usually got like this if she got too serious, too firm with him, because this was never their usual, she could be firm and bitter and straightforward with anyone in the world, just not him or her mama.

She exhaled deeply, running her hand through her hair, not sure how she could get through him without being too harsh. “Shawn, I love you but you’re overthinking this. I’m sorry for yelling okay? But you know I’m right, your parents are willing to support you, your dad’s going to fly out with you, too, what’s the worst that could happen? The meeting doesn’t go your way? You don’t get signed? Big fucking deal, baby, we’ll find another manager or whatever this Gertler wants to be and get you signed with someone else.”

Turning around, she met her reflection in the large mirrors in her school bathroom. Since moving away it’s like the world changed, the city was nothing like her hometown, yet all the same, yet completely different because she saw her Mama be happier than ever before. As she promised she tried visiting her Papa as often as she could, but he took her moving with her Mama as a personal dig at him, turning a little colder every time she saw him. Maybe absence doesn’t make the heart grow fonder. Now every time she went back home, her time was spent with her friends or at Shawn’s house with his family. Staring back at herself in the mirror, looking at her uniform, Shawn on the phone, she couldn’t explain it but she felt good . “so you’re going to be one of those fancy private school girls now,” Shawn had teased her, and honestly, she loved it. She’d lost the life she had in the place she called home for 3 years but she had her Maa, she had Shawn and she had a good school. And a pretty girl back in her English class, but that’s beyond the point. Life was good.

“Think of this as a holiday with your Dad, with a tiny bit of work involved. If it doesn’t work out then you come back home and get right back to pestering me with your new found production skills at, like, midnight or something and continue bothering me on Skype when you know I’m studying and you should be too. Sound like a plan?”

Again, radio silence.

Now, this. This was their usual. If she ever made a point that made so much sense it felt like it was scripted, he would remain mute until it fully sank in. His best friend was a genius, she was always right and always made 100% sense. None of these three things had been acquired by Shawn just yet, but that’s okay, he thought. Because he had her. He’ll always have her.

“Can you please stop playing dead, I love you and support you and appreciate your existence SO much, Shawny but I need to get back to lab,” she spoke.

“You make everything better,” he whispered.

“I know.”

__________________________________________

11 pm

“HOW DO YOU KNOW?? YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE FOR ME, I’M THE ONE GOING ON TOUR AN-” a pillow came hurtling and hit him square in the face. He screamed again, falling face down on the bed.

“Sir, if you’re done being a dramatic teenager, can you move the entirety of your body OFF the bed so I can continue packing YOUR bag?”

He whined again before sliding off and slumping on the floor. “Why won’t you just let me carry the shirt?”

“Because you already have 16 of the same shirts in your luggage and I know you’ll be gone for weeks but you need some diversity in your closet on the road even though I know you’ll stick to the same goddamn chinos and shirts,” she let out her 100th exasperated sigh of the night. Her best friend was set to join her childhood idol on tour as a supporting act and everyone in the house were uncomfortably close to losing their mind. She’d managed to leave his mom with another box of tissues and her dad with another beer and persuaded Aaliyah to get into bed and not stay up with the rest of them, with repeated confirmations that yes, Shawn would still be here when she woke up the next morning. But who was putting her mind to rest?

Shawn Mendes was set to join Taylor Swift on tour as a supporting act and she was losing her mind. Maa dropped her off earlier that day to help him pack and get ready for his travels before he left the next afternoon. She was used to spending the night at his house since she first met him and his family but this was the first time she felt like she would never come back, maybe because he would never come back and forget all about her and nothing would ever be the same.

She could feel his eyes on her as she puttered around the room. Both of them knew they weren’t going to have this for a while and both of them didn’t want to talk about it. It’s easier this way. It may not be better but it’s easier.

“I don’t think I wanna go anymore,” he whispered.

“What?”

“If I just - if I don’t go then we don’t have to pack anymore and mom would stop crying and dad would be less stressed and you wouldn’t...,” he looked up at her when she moved around the bed to stand before him. “You wouldn’t be so sad.”

Her eyes were burning, her throat was choking up, and she had to take deep breaths while leaning down to sit next to him on the floor. You can’t break now, she told herself. You’ve held your shit together for so long, don’t do this now, not in front of him, at least.

“I’m not sad.”

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not.”

“Not even a little bit?”

“Maybe a little bit.”

She snuffled and turned to look at him, “but also very very proud of you, I don’t care if you don’t wanna hear that from me, but I’m really fucking – Shawn stop it - look at me - thank you - I’m really fucking proud of you for working so hard every day and this is just one of the huge opportunities coming your way! You’re capable of so much more, and I will stay up packing your entire closet with you for as long as I can if it means you get to do what you love,” she was holding both his hands in hers now, foreheads almost touching before he blinked his tears away and leaned into her, resting his head in the crook of her neck. She held the back of his head, running her fingers through his hair like he knew she liked as their breathing evened out. When he calmed down a bit, he leaned back and looked at her. He wouldn’t see her for a few weeks, at least not like this.

Her eyes were still fluttered shut, the tip of her nose red for the sake of her always having sneezing fits but he knew this time was different, this time her nose was all stuffy and her face flushed because she was holding her tears back, she refused to cry in front of him. She knew all she had to do was let a few tears slip before he decided he didn’t actually need to go on tour or make music or do anything at all really because none of it was worth his girl’s tears, not if she’s going to try so hard to shield herself from him.

“Dude.”

“Yeah?” she whispered, looking around for tissues to wipe her nose before settling in front of him again, “what’s up?”

He stared at her for a second, his expression unreadable.

“Uh,�� he exhaled quickly, “I know we’re like 16 and shit and these things shouldn’t really matter, like I know it matters to us not to anyone else - they’d just think it’s lame but I don’t think it’s lame it’s actually really important to me and I think it is to you, too, but bubs I feel like a complete jerk saying this-”

“Shawn.”

“- and it’s not even fair, I mean I KNOW it’s not fair to you-”

“Shawny.”

“-and I don’t even why I bothered with this but it’s just been on my mind since all of this started like for real, for real no joke-’

“Buddy…”

“ -see I know it won’t make a lot of sense for you but- “

“Jaan.”

Now that. That shut him up. He quickly locked eyes with her, mouth gaping like a fish. He’d only ever heard her mama call her dad that when they were younger, when things were still better.

“You were rambling, dude you can’t do that if you’re in front of Taylor Swift.”

And now his brain was bigger pile of mush than it was before. He remembers asking her about it, it was a funny sounding word and she’d said, ‘jaan means life, but when you love someone enough you’re allowed to call them that, it’s like how your mom says - my love’. The pet-name was sacred for her. Holier than the holiest. Untouchable and unspeakable to say the least. and because of that it was an unspoken rule for him to never throw it around. She called him that. She called him that.

“If you ramble in front of Taylor Swift, I’m really sorry dude but I’m gonna disown you.”

Not the stupid barista dude at the cafe near her school where she’d go buy horrible coffee just so she could talk to him. Not the stupid librarian who flirted with her every time she went in. Not the stupid punk rocker chick with the stupid purple hair his girl had a crush on for 3 solid months.

“Did you just call me jaan?”

“What?”

“You just called me jaan.”

“Is that what you got out of this? You-”

“You just called me jaan, jaan.”

“Okay? You just called me that too so I guess we’re even? Can we come back to the issue at hand?”

“You never call anyone jaan.”

A stream of nononono ran through her mind before she realised that she did, actually call him that. She doesn’t throw around the word lightly. And if she remembers, it means Shawn definitely remembers. The first and last time she called him that was on his birthday when she was sleepy and therefore loopy without a hold on reality. This time she isn’t sleepy or loopy and she slipped up in a normal conversation.

He saw her quiet down for a second as things clicked in his head, too. She loves him! She loves him like she would love life and she called him that like his mom would call his dad her love. She loved him and they’re going to grow up together and she’ll be his forever an-

“It’s just a name,” she muttered.

“Awwwww you called me your jaan,” he teased, a wicked glint in his eye, pinching her cheeks and pulling her closer to ruffle her hair.

“Shut UP, Shawn you’re not my jaan”

“What way is that to talk to your jaan where’s all the softness gone,” he sang while still pulling at her barely phased by her pushing him away.

“Absolutely not you’re not my jaan and the only softness here is your dick-“

“nah dude you literally just called me that, it’s confirmed, you love me”

“nope.”

“no?”

“yeah. no.”

“yeah or no?”

“no, shawn.”

“I think yeah”

“I said no”

“Not even a little bit, jaaaan?”

“Maybe just a little bit.”

______________________________________________

 8:12 am

She pushed her glasses up to rest on her head, her phone ringing beside her pile of textbooks. Digging the heels of her palms into her closed eyes, she exhaled deeply, she was waiting for this call. She moved quickly after allowing herself to breathe for just a second, it may have been finals season for her, it was recording season for her best friend. And she was nothing if not his beacon of hope and sanity in times like this.

“Hi,” she spoke softly, knowing well enough he was already at his wits end. She received a sigh in reply, relieved or not she wasn’t sure, but it was response enough.

She would love to say that she got to know him through experiences and trying times and they weren’t simply attuned to each other since the beginning of time. It would be easier that way because she hated the soulmate bullshit, or maybe it wasn’t entirely bullshit because well, Shawn believed in it. If it weren’t for them being connected right down to their souls, she wouldn’t fight so hard against everything she freely let herself feel for him when they were younger. Things didn’t work as smooth in the real world where he was Shawn Mendes, rising pop sensation and she was in her second year of university, studying to be a lawyer like her Maa. They were more than just two kids who grew up together between both their houses and both their cities.

“Is it one of those days, Shawn?” she hummed, expecting him to still stay quiet.

“I have to tell you something,” he blurted instead, something in her was saying he didn’t actually plan on this call.

“I’m listening,” she spoke, her tone still light even if she was growing nervous, “I’m ready when you are.”

He laughed in disbelief, shaking his head and running his hand through his hair, “How did you know?”

“What?”

“So you have no idea what I’m talking about but you know the lyrics to a song I recorded…” he trailed off trying checking his phone for the time, “12 minutes ago?”

“Shawn, you’re talking in puzzles.”

“I’m not, though.”

“Why did you call, Shawn?”

“Why do you keep saying that?”

She was growing frustrated now. “Saying what?”

“Shawn Shawn Shawn, you sound like you’re schooling me.”

“Well it’s your name, isn’t it? Tell me why you called me.”

“Tell me you love me.”

You know that disgusting feeling you get right before you have a really good cry – it starts off as a choke around your windpipes and you feel like you can’t talk, hell you can’t breathe, and then it tears at your eyes and your face grows flushed, and everything just hurts but you can’t stop it? It seemed as if she only felt like that and nothing more the last few weeks or maybe months, she didn’t know at this point. What she knows is the last time she truly felt happy was when he stayed over with her at Maa’s house and helped set up her new garden, everything after that was a blur.

“Are you drunk?”

“What’s a little whiskey got anything to do with this, babe?”

“Only whiskey?”

“Maybe I downed a few glasses of wine to get there faster?”

She sighed again, before pinching the bridge of her nose. Her studies were driving her up the wall, she was still reeling with the aftermath of being dumped so cruelly, a year-long relationship with who she thought was the boy of her dreams ended in seconds when she found him in bed with someone else. She missed her Mama. And her best friend was far, far away.

They were both quiet for a few seconds, she needed to put her thoughts in place before she blurted out something stupid. She settled for telling him she missed him.

“It’s all the same, babe. Missing you, loving you, it’s all from a distance.”

She’s pretty sure her heart cracked a bit, she never wanted him to feel far away from her, especially not from her. “I’m right here, jaan” she managed to croak out, “I’m right her-”

“I wrote a song about you.”

“Me? Why?”

He chuckled darkly, why did he write songs about her after all? Because it had been years and no one made him feel like she did? Because his feelings were unrequited? Because she was perfect, she was his, but she didn’t believe it? Because he needed her in his bed and his heart and his mind without wanting to feel guilty about it? What was it? Was it because he was still pathetically in love with his best friend?

“Do you remember my 18th birthday? When you made us home-made pizzas and took me the field in a truck - the truck wasn’t even yours, jaan.”

She was on the edge now. They’d kissed for the first time on that field. They continued to kiss on that field. She nearly told him she loved him on that field. “Yes, I remember - why is that important, Shawn?”

The field wasn’t the last time though. And it wasn’t the most they’d done either. They’d done things and learned things with each other, without each other, he was always her favourite regardless.

“I made a decision that night.”

It’s now or never.

“I know you never want to talk about this, but I feel like we’re made for each other. And I know you hate it, but it’s the only truth I’ve known, you know?” He hiccuped before continuing, “and I know you don’t believe in this stuff, but I think if you love someone enough, if someone loves the way I love you, I’ll wait for as long as I can if it means I get to have you. A year, 10 years, whatever it is.”

She couldn’t help it, the tears rolled down her face without control. “You’re drunk, please go home and sleep, is there someone on your crew I can call to take care o-“

“Why do you make it so hard? Just, god, baby just let me wait for you and once you’re ready just please let me love you. We’re perfect, there’s no one like us-“

“I can’t believe you chose to write a song about this, Shawn, why do you choose to write songs about me, it’s not like you don’t have other girls to write about.”

“That’s what you don’t get, baby, there’s no one else I’d ever want to write about like I’m in love with them. Pining over you is acceptable.”

“ACCEPTABLE? SH-“ she forcefully exhaled, rubbing her temples, he’s drunk and silly right now, yelling won’t help with anything, “Shawn, will you please tell what the song is about?”

“Let me just, okay let me play it for you, alright?” She could hear him fumbling around the studio, the click of a few buttons, “okay, see it’s not the final master, I just sang it with the instrumentals for the first time, and I literally just improvised on the first verse right now but its a pretty song, you’ll like it, okay?”

She did like it. She loved it, but she wouldn’t admit it - not until she was entirely ready to accept it herself, and Shawn knew it, too.

Months later the world would know this as the last song on Shawn Mendes’ long anticipated third studio album. Months later he was somewhere in Europe drinking in the world’s reactions to the new album, the memory of her crying over the phone and telling him she couldn’t believe he loved her and “keep your promise okay? please wait for me” burned in the back of his mind.

__________________________________________

11:36 PM

The tequila burned her throat as she threw back the last of her drink. If she was going to do this, she needed every bit of liquid courage she could find. He looked incredible tonight, a stupid white shirt snug deliciously around his arms and his stupid curly hair that he knew she called his Prince Charming hair and his stupid pretty smile as he greeted everyone around the party.

Shawn Mendes: The Tour had ended a week ago, 106 shows wrapped up in style, and he had returned home just 2 days ago, saying he needed to take care of “business’. It was his biggest tour yet, of course he had to celebrate it with a big party inviting his whole team and the rest of bloody Toronto, it seemed. He had seen her walk in, she’d seen him do the rounds, they hadn’t met yet but anyone would be blind to not see the way they were making eyes at each other from across the room.

He has to do the rounds, she pacified herself, this is the last time everyone will be together for a few months at least. They both knew what tonight meant, there was too much of a build up, she just wanted to get it over and done with. She couldn’t contain it anymore, whatever… “it” was. Her feelings, or her love or this stupid mutual pining and the near deadly attraction they had for each other. She didn’t know at this point what she wanted more - to just come out and tell him everything she’d held in since she came to terms with her silly little crush on him since he got his braces off (it didn’t turn out to be silly, after all) or shove him against the bar he was currently leaning against and have her way with him. She was frustrated and barely good at hiding it, but she gave herself hopes of her night ending in his arms either way.

She’d spoken to a bunch of people from his crew, everyone knew who the star’s best friend from back home was, everyone knew how important she was, how she flew to see him whenever she could. What they probably didn’t know was that somewhere near one third of his setlist this past year were songs he’d written about her. His secret muse. His not so secret love.

She tried focusing on what the girls from his team were talking about - one of the Mexico shows? Rock In Rio? What was it? She would have loved to pretend she was fully zoned in but she hasn’t said a lie this big since she told him his hair looked good at the 2018 MET. The girls turned to ask her a question, it took her a bit longer to register it than normal - what was your favourite show?

Now that’s a tough one. Amsterdam had ended with him running off stage and picking her up and spinning her around as her laughter echoed through the walls. Oslo had him running through the arena to get to B Stage, and when he found her in the hallway he grabbed her by the neck to peck her a little too close to her lips, then on second thought he turned back around and fully kissed her before sprinting off to the arena full of fans. Brooklyn night 2 he sang her songs looking right at her, as if they weren’t actually surrounded by thousands of his fans, if his team noticed, they didn’t comment. When he cried before the Rogers Centre show, she cried with him, when he cried after the show, she kissed his tears away and told him she’d wait at his apartment when he returned after celebrating with his friends, family and team. Asia was one place she couldn’t go, her home country was not a tour stop for them and she didn’t have it in her to live through the same disappointment again. She flew down for the Mexico shows, spent a lot of time staring at him in his swim trunks by the hotel pool and flew right back to wrap up her semester. And these were just the few she could think of.

“I… don’t think I have an absolute favourite I guess? They were all so special in different ways, each time we saw him and the band go up there it was different but just as special…” she trailed off hoping that no one grew too suspicious about it all. They nodded in agreement before someone spoke about one of the crew members having a baby soon and it was safe for her to zone out again. She tensed up a bit when his laughter sounded closer than it was before. You can do this, self assured, she turned to find her boy just a few groups away.

It was nearly poetic how their eyes met, the rest of the room immediately fading away. It was just the two of them, it was just him, just her best friend of over 10 years. She watched him excuse himself from the people he was talking to and started walking towards her. She wanted to be put out of her misery, it was almost painful when he so obviously gave her a once over and smirked. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what was going through his brain or how her night was meant to end.

She took deep breaths, the words running through her head again, having rehearsed them in the mirror when she woke up this morning. I’m ready. Just two words. She just needed to get them out and the universe would handle the rest. There was nothing to worry about, nothing’s going to change, it’s all good from here on.

I’m ready. I’m ready. I’m ready.

He stopped just a few feet from her, looking around nonchalantly before stepping closer. The alcohol in his system turned his face flush and made his eyes glow. Has he always been this pretty? (yes. The answer is yes.)

She inhaled deeply again, this is it. She opened her mouth to speak before he pulled her in and pressed his mouth against hers. Right there, in front of everyone to watch. A soft whine from the back of her throat made him smile, he gathered her in his arms fully and she pulled him in, fingering through the curls at the nape of his neck. As much as he’d love to continue kissing her, because he always wanted to kiss her, he had to do this right.

He cupped her face in his hands, pulling away from her as their lips parted with a quiet ‘pop’. She tried to regain her breath, blinking up at him with a soft pout. He never wanted to kiss someone so bad. He had to do this right.

“My name’s Shawn, can we go out sometime?”

______________________________________

this is my first fic ever, i hope you liked it, if you didn’t, give me the chance to grow until i can write something you like

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes x desi reader #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes fluff #best friend!shawn #best friends to lovers #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes fanfiction #if i have to i’ll wait forever #my writing

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kinghoranshit · 4 years ago

Text

The Watchers (1D) - 00 Hours

Part 1

I watched the names light up on our hologram. You never wanted to see your name listed. It meant someone put down a sum of money to have you killed during the 24 hour purge. If your name's not on the list, you're free to join in on the hunt or stay in your house; no one could kill you, but the sounds of screams were deafening. The amount of people who turned their backs on their loved ones, both figuratively and literally by killing them, was disgusting. There were even those "friends" who thought it'd be funny to list you.

Now, you're thinking that a purge is such a dumb idea. Want to know what's more stupid?

A bounty purge.

It's the government's way to keep the crime and gambling rates down, and those who may not be fortunate in their social class have a way to level up and gain funds. It became a sport for some. This was the 100th annual year and the names being listed were a lot of celebrities; normally the ratio of high and low status didn't fare this much.

My family and I were in resistance; my mom died trying to protect someone, now it was just my dad and I. We helped those whose names were on the list, not for free of course. We're like bounty hunters, but the opposite. A guard or babysitter sounds so lame though, so don't call me those.

I felt my eyes go wide when I saw all five names that formed One Direction. Who...would do this? They weren't even technically a group anymore; they only just started a virtual reunion tour. They all went solo long ago, so it didn't make sense as to why they would be grouped together. The amount of money put on their heads was ridiculous. Sadly, I didn't see them making it through the 24 hours, unless they have some great body protection, or are suddenly kickass in combat.

The blue hue to the hologram disappeared and it was silent darkness for a while. There were so many bounties this year. It was obvious that they didn't have a limit for the 100th year. There wouldn't be enough of us. Our organization, The Watchers, dropped by a third because it was such a significant milestone year for the bounty purge. I guess people became afraid again.

"Katie," my dad stated.

I sat up and looked at him. "Yeah, what's up?"

"You're being assigned to Niall Horan, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik and Liam Payne."

I blinked my eyes a couple times then cupped my ear for dramatic effect. "I'm what? Say that again."

"Modest!, their management, has contacted The Watchers and asked for you specifically. I guess they must've seen how well you kept Selena Gomez safe last year."

Yes, this work has lent to meeting celebrities, but the conversation doesn't tend to get that far. Last year was Selena Gomez, and the previous was Brie Larson. Both were troopers, especially Brie, she was fun to hang out with when we weren't fighting others. She still messages me every now and then when she's not working.

I cleared my throat. "That's...dad, they've got the largest sum I've ever seen for a bounty. You know how many people will be going after them?"

He smirked. "Is...Katie Lee..scared of hunters?"

I scoffed. "No, I'm not. I just know when my odds of keeping said assignment safe are high or not."

"Sorry, kiddo, there's no getting out of this one. They've prepared to set you up on a hidden bunker and arm you with anything you need if someone happens to find it."

A hidden bunker? Any weapons I want? That doesn't sound like a bad negotiation. I've definitely been dealt with less advantages.

The hologram started up again and it was one of the leaders, Rump. A cynical grin played on his lips. This couldn't be good. It was never good when his face appeared.

"Hello everyone, now that the names have been presented, we would like to bring in a new factor to the 100th year of the bounty purge. Instead of 24 hours, it will be 72 hours. That is three whole days to find your prey and get your prize. Let the purge commence in 48 hours."

For once, I felt sick to my stomach. Is this what fear felt like? Three days to keep these five boys alive? Let's hope no one trying to kill them were great trackers or hackers; if the base was hidden well enough, I could set traps outside and inside. That was going to be a must with the new circumstances.

My teeth clenched and I let out a deep breath into my fists. I sat there thinking for a little bit longer. If I was going to even manage to keep a few of them alive, I needed to leave tonight.

I stood and went upstairs to pack the essentials; I don't care if I have the weapon vault of my fucking dreams, I will never leave my crossbow at home. Every save I've had over the last eight years has been with this crossbow. When I came back into the living with my duffel bag slung on my shoulder and crossbow in hand, my dad actually had a look of worry etched into his face.

"Be careful. I know The Watcher's word is 'assignment comes first, you come second', but if it becomes too much, you get yourself out of there, okay?"

"Dad..." I trailed, at a loss for words. I've never heard my dad speak against The Watcher's word.

"You hear me?" he pushed.

I cleared my throat with a nod. "Yeah, dad. I do."

He pulled me into a tight hug. "Good. Your transport should be here any moment."

I pulled back with a small smile. I was well aware this could be the last time I saw him, but I couldn't bring myself to say the three words. It was a mutual thing we both had. We knew we both loved each other.

I peeked out the front window to see the black sudan parked in our driveway. I gave my dad a peck on the cheek before I slipped out the front door and jogged to the sudan. I opened the driver side passenger door and threw my bag and crossbow in first.

"Please state your ID number," the driver ordered.

"Watcher 402, Katie Lee, reporting for duty."

Carl smirked. "Perfect."

"That never gets old for you, does it Carl?"

He shook his head. "Never."

I laughed and buckled myself up. I pulled out my tablet to find the recent file sent to me. It was everything I needed to know about my transport, the bunker we'd be hiding away in, and the contact info for the supplier.

"So...who are you babysitting this year?"

The driver's never get told who a Watcher's assignment is for reasons. But I've known Carl for years; he was always the one who took me to the helicopter.

I still answered, out of precaution, "An important band. That's all I'm saying."

"Really? A certain boy band?" he mocked.

"You know I won't say the name, but yes that one boy band."

"That'll be fun, I'm sure."

I rolled my eyes in response.

I busied myself with contacting the supplier to get my vault sorted. This was definitely the most reinforcements I'ved used. I felt probably an unsettling amount of excitement to get my hands on everything. I knew that in the line of action I would be less thrilled.

***

The helicopter landed on the last minute created pad. It was a circle created by rocks; a majority of them were like this. I knew that we were in upper Minnesota, near the lakes. I snatched my duffel and crossbow as I got out of the helicopter and followed the other Watcher that had been waiting for me. Now, I was guided to a different car that drove off deeper into the forest.

It looked secluded enough by the trees; the bear traps were going to hide perfectly in the bushes. And if that didn't stop them? I knew that the wiring, jumper cables, and car batteries were going to work wonders for every door and window, along with strips of nails at the edge of the entrance if they happened to surpass everything else. And if they also bypass that? Well, they'll have to go through me.

I'm going to Home Alone this motherfucker up.

I was guided to the front of the house and my jaw dropped at the beauty of the steel siding and roof. Okay, the blueprint did not mention the steel exterior. And from where I stood I could see the small security cameras. There's no way they just built this in a matter of a day. This has had to be used in prior purges.

I walked up the stairs and through the front door. It was...way too fancy. Glass tables and lighting fixtures everywhere, grey couches, a fucking duve in the bathroom, and multiple bedrooms.

What was I so worried about?

I dropped my bag off in the room that had my name on the door and then saw that the rest of the members also had their own rooms. There was one name that I didn't recognize so I went to the door and knocked. It just slowly opened by itself and I peered in.

There stood, a bubbly redhead. She jumped from being startled. "Oh! Hi, I'm Maddy, the onsite medic. You must be Katie, our Watcher."

I furrowed a brow. "Uh...Yeah, I am. This place is a fucking fortress. Why am I here?"

She laughed under her breath and continued to unpack her items. "Every fortress has a fault, and they always like a backup plan."

They must be Modest!. It was clear that this wasn't Maddy's first purge hired under them. Who else has been under their company that they had hidden here? I've never been on an assignment where they had an onsite medic ready.

"Fair...do you know where the band is at? I'm going to need their help."

"In the kitchen, I believe. I will be down to help as well. My station has already been cleaned and prepared."

That was eerily comforting to hear.

"Okay," I replied and left her to her own devices.

I didn't bother unpacking yet. I probably wouldn't to be honest. Getting comfortable never sits right with me. The voices grew louder and louder as I grew closer to them. It was clear they were having a good laugh despite the circumstances as to why we were all here.

I cleared my throat and they all stopped to look at me. I gave them a small wave. "Hi Niall, Louis, Harry, Zayn, and Liam. I'm Katie, your Watcher for the duration of this purge."

"A girl? They hired a girl, who looks to be younger than me, to keep us safe?" Liam remarked.

"Mate," Niall and Louis breathed and shook their heads.

I chuckled and stalked up to the brunette who currently had his hair looking like 2014 Harry.

"I can't make you like me. In fact, that's not part of my job description. But you should reconsider... My crossbow can manage a mile range and shoot three arrows at once. I can also build a gun in under a minute, have practiced in the art of knife throwing...and I have been known to get my hands dirty in a physical fight. What can you do to keep yourself safe, Liam boy?"

The other four held in their own snickers. Liam didn't flinch in the slightest. If anything, his "tough" exterior only hardened, which just made him look even weaker in my eyes.

"I don't buy it. Modest has to be messing with us."

I smirked. "I know your ass will be calling my name, begging me to protect you, as someone tries to machete your body to pieces. You better start playing nice, mate." I stepped back and gestured to the rest. "Come on, troops. We need to set up the traps."

Luckily, Zayn, Louis, and Maddy quickly picked up on how to set up the bear traps so I put them on that duty while the rest of us stripped the entrances with nails. Of course, I knew the risk of having them set the traps rather than myself, but there was a lot to do before tomorrow morning. An hour before the purge starts, I'll set up the electrical traps. Since there were steel doors that locked down, I planned to set the electric currencies in other spots.

I familiarized myself with the layout of the rich bunker as much as I could and the security camera room. Yes, there was an entire room dedicated to the security cameras. My vault was hidden in four different locations so I'd have something at any given moment.

That evening, we were all chit chatting at the dinner table, eating the grilled chicken and potatoes Niall cooked. This was probably one of the best meals I've had the night before a purge; it was weird to feel so at ease. I knew not to get too comfy.

"So Katie, how old are you?" Louis prompted as he took a swig of his beer.

"Yeah, you seem too familiar with all of this. How long have you been a Watcher?" Niall concurred.

I laughed under my breath and dropped the fork onto my plate. "Uh, well...I'm twenty-four, and this has been my life for as long as I can remember. Both of my parents were Watchers themselves. I started assignments when I was fifteen."

"Woah," Zayn remarked. "How many have you killed?"

"That..." I coughed into my hand and ran a hand through my hair. "Hard to say...I don't like to keep track."

Louis leaned back in his chair and looked down at his lap. "How many do you think you'll have to kill for us?"

I raised my brows in surprise. "With that sort of bounty over your heads, your guess is about as good as mine."

"Fuck," Niall scoffed and jugged the rest of his beer.

"To be honest, I've never felt this confident going into a purge. And we've got Maddy for any injuries, it doesn't seem like her first rodeo either."

She smiled sweetly and shook her head. "It's not, but...I've never actually had to jump in. This bunker has always held up."

"Hear that?" I asked. "It'll be..." I trailed off. I couldn't make any promises, even if our odds did seem to be in our favor. "It'll be just another purge."

That wasn't what I mean to say either. Their facial expressions right now broke my heart.

I clapped my hands as I stood up. "Okay, I say we all get to bed now. It will be an early start."

They all nodded and put their dishes away before going to their assigned rooms. Liam sat on the couch by himself. He didn't join us for dinner, nor did he eat. If he wanted to be a loner during this, then I'll treat him as such.

I padded over and sat down next to him.

"You know I'm only here to help. If you hate me, that's fine, but you need to be a team player for the rest."

Once again, he stayed silent. I truly didn't know what his deal was. I wasn't the best at reading that side of a person's mind. I pursed my lips before I got up and went to my own room.

I slipped into my own pjs before I did a few meditations. I set my alarm for six in the morning, the purge started at eight. This is all I have ever known. Preparing every single year to risk my life for someone else's, to defy against this ridiculous event, and if I died this year, it wouldn't be in vain.

Next part: 24 Hours

[Masterlist]

#one direction #1D #Purge #1D purge #fanfiction #one direction fanfiction #1D fic #one direction fic #1D fanfiction #Niall horan #louis tomlinson #harry styles #zayn malik #liam payne #action #comedy #stupid

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bay42o · 5 years ago

Note

1-100

1. What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

A monkey

2. Favorite thing to wear to sleep?

Big tshirt

3. What song really gets you going?

Chemicals React by Aly and ask 😂

4. Where do you usually eat your meals?

Sitting in my bed or at the table

5. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

Probably dinner but it depends. I like breakfast food.

6. Most embarrassing habit?

Probably biting my nails

7. Chocolate or fruity candy?

Lately I’ve been on a fruity candy kick

8. Soft or hard tacos?

Both I can’t decide fr

9. Worst way to break up a fight?

Probably by just jumping in the middle of it

10. Best thing to say in an elevator of strangers?

I wouldn’t say shit

11. What color/design are your bedsheets?

Right now they’re teal with no designs

12. Any hidden talents?

Mmm I don’t think so

13. Favorite thing to drink out of (mug, glass, etc.)?

My yeti

14. Socks or bare feet around the house?

Bare feet

15. Favorite board game?

Trouble

16. Do you sleep with the fan on or off?

On, always

17. Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Lots of layers

18. Do you sing in the shower?

Just about every time

19. Favorite song to belt out at the top of your lungs when you’re alone?

Savage by Megan the stallion

20. Last thing you cried about?

My doctor calling me

21. At what age did you first have alcohol?

I was 16 and got fucked up on Smirnoff ice, it was horrible

22. Relationship status?

You tell me

23. What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

Like 80$ on pants but I’ve spent more on shoes

24. What do you typically wear to formal events?

Jeans and a nice shirt but I’ll wear a dress if I ABSOLUTELY have to

25. Favorite memory?

Fishing with my dad on the boat

26. Gum or breath mints?

Gum

27. Favorite shoes?

Vans

28. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

That’s a hard question. Probably my mood swings

29. What is the natural state of your hair?

A hot fucking mess

30. Have you ever had braces?

Nope

31. Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Jumped off Destin bridge

32. Most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing?

Masturbating

33. Last time you had an orgasm?

A few days ago when you did the damn thing

34. Celebrity crush(es)?

Christina Ricci and probably Demi Lovato

35. Windows or Mac?

I like windows

36. How old were you when you learned to ride a bike?

Like 5

37. Makeup or natural?

Natural

38. What color do you wear the most?

Black

39. Favorite season?

Fall

40. Umbrella or rain coat?

Hmmmm both

41. Have you ever fallen out of a tree?

I have lol

42. First car you ever owned?

1995 Honda Accord with paint chipping everywhere and 3 tinted windows 😂

43. What time do you usually go to bed?

Lately I’ve been going to be around 11

44. Are you a competitive person?

A little

45. Least favorite color?

Red

46. First pet you’ve ever owned?

A dog

47. Sweet or salty?

Salty

48. Favorite pasta dish?

Spaghetti

49. Favorite kind of chips?

Spicy Nacho Doritos

50. Talk about something you’re passionate about.

Trying to be better and do better in life

51. What are some of your hobbies?

I just like to be outside so anything outside

52. Caffeine? If so, what kind?

Dr Pepper and coffee on occasion

53. Favorite kind of pizza?

Pepperoni

54. Fast food or sit-down restaurant?

I like both but fast food probably which is horrible

55. Lots of acquaintances or a handful of close friends?

Close friends

56. Something that ruins your appetite?

Idk but I don’t wanna eat when I’m sad

57. Favorite labels about you?

I don’t like labels

58. Are you a religious person?

To an extent

59. Night out with a bunch of friends in public or night in with one friend having deep conversations?

I like to do both but I’d prefer nights in

60. What size shoe do you wear?

8 1/2

61. Favorite thing about yourself?

My eyes

62. Have you ever told someone you loved them first?

Yes

63. Have you ever had sex on the first date?

64. Heroes or villains?

I always like the villains

65. Favorite fruit?

Grapes or watermelon

66. Least favorite fruit?

Apples

67. Favorite vegetable?

Corn 😂

68. Least favorite vegetable?

Anything green

69. How many plates can you eat at a buffet?

Probably like 3 and dessert

70. Favorite dessert?

I’ve cream

71. Do you play any sports?

Used to play softball

72. Age you learned how to swim?

3 years

73. Tell a funny story.

Idk one right now

74. What’s one interesting thing about your culture?

My moms family is literally from everywhere but I know nothing about my dads side because he was adopted

75. What’s one annoying thing about your culture?

I feel like people make me out to be what I’m not because of my race

76. What job would you be terrible at?

Anything on the phone

77. Would you rather watch a TV show or a movie?

Movie

78. What’s your favorite compliment to give?

Probably when someone looks really pretty

79. What’s your favorite compliment to receive?

That I’m pretty or some shit cause

80. Has your opinion changed on something recently?

Uhhh idk

81. Do you always order the same thing at a restaurant or order something different each time?

Probably the same thing cause I’m picky

82. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

Scuba diving

83. If you could learn to do anything right now, what would it be?

Scuba dive

84. Favorite physical feature about yourself?

My eyes

85. Least favorite physical feature about yourself?

My chin

86. What’s one amazing thing you did that nobody was around to see?

When I give money to homeless people allll the damn time and wonder why I’m broke

87. If you could change your height, would you?

Yes I want to be taller

88. What’s something you would rate 10/10?

You, baby 😉

89. Heels or flats?

Flats

90. What’s something you wish you had more knowledge about?

Anything to do with finances and shit

91. Would you want to be famous?

Kinda. Want the money but not the attention

92. What’s something you would get arrested for?

I don’t even know probably something stupid like smoking weed

93. What’s your spirit animal?

A fish

94. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

Finding you my love 💕

95. Are you the type to have an organized mess, or no mess at all?

Just a big mess

96. Do you tend to make decisions based on the past, present, or future?

It really depends

97. Are you a planner or a more spontaneous person?

Spontaneous

98. Thoughts on the oxford comma?

Idk what that is

99. What do you hope never changes?

100. How would you celebrate your 100th birthday?

Hopefully still able to walk and talk if I live to be 100 but I don’t want to be that old 😂

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jennaschererwrites · 5 years ago

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How TV Is Putting the ‘B’ in LGBTQ — And Why It Matters – Rolling Stone

“Mom. Dad. I know you don’t want to talk about this, but I do. I might get married to a man, like you so clearly want. And I might not. Because this is not a phase, and I need you to understand that. I’m bisexual.” That’s Rosa Diaz (Stephanie Beatriz), Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s resident no-nonsense detective, pouring out her heart to her parents in the show’s landmark 100th episode. To which her dad (Danny Trejo) stoically replies, “There’s no such thing as being bisexual.”

Beatriz, who is bisexual herself, wrote in GQ: “When does it end? When do you get to stop telling people you’re bi? When do people start to grasp that this is your truth? …When do you start seeing yourself reflected positively in all (hey, even any?) of the media you consume?”

There’s a real cognitive dissonance to identity erasure. You can be standing right in front of someone telling them exactly who you are, and they can just look right through you, and intone, like a Westworld robot, “That doesn’t look like anything to me.” Nevertheless, it’s a daily reality for LGBTQ folks, and bi- and pansexual people in particular. (The term pansexuality, which has come into wider use in recent years, intends to explicitly refer to attraction to all genders, not just cisgender people — or, as self-identified pansexual Janelle Monae put it in Rolling Stone last year: “I consider myself to be a free-ass motherfucker.” However, many in the queer community define bisexuality the same way. You can read more about that conversation here.) Until recently, sexual and gender identities that existed outside the binary have been anathema to mainstream culture — and often, even, to more traditionalist branches of gay culture.

For a long time, people who identify as bisexual or pansexual didn’t have a whole lot of visible role models — particularly on television. But as our understanding of the LGBTQ spectrum has become more diverse and nuanced over time, there’s been a blossoming of bi- and pansexual representation. In the past few years, characters such as Rosa on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, David Rose on Schitt’s Creek, Darryl Whitefeather on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and Leila on The Bisexual — to name just a few — have been at the forefront of a bi- and pansexual renaissance on the small screen.

But it wasn’t always this way. Even after television began to centralize gay characters and their experiences — on shows like Ellen, Will & Grace, Queer as Folk, and The L Word — the “B” in that alphabet soup fell to the wayside. Bisexuality was seldom mentioned at all, and if it was, it existed chiefly as a punch line — an easy ba-dum-CHING moment for savvy characters to nose out someone who wasn’t as in the know as they were. On Sex and the City, Carrie Bradshaw called bisexuality “a layover on the way to Gaytown”; and on 30 Rock, Liz Lemon dismissed it as “something they invented in the Nineties to sell hair products.”

Even some of the earliest shows to break ground for queer representation didn’t factor bisexuality or pansexuality into their worldviews. The designation basically didn’t exist in the gay-straight binary world of Queer as Folk, and was largely seen as a phase on The L Word. Buffy the Vampire Slayer gave many TV viewers their first-ever depiction of a same-sex relationship in 1999 with the Wicca-fueled romance between Willow Rosenberg (Alyson Hannigan) and Tara Maclay (Amber Benson), but the show too neatly glossed over Willow’s years-long relationship with her boyfriend Oz (Seth Green) as a fleeting step on the way to full-time lesbianism. Or, as Willow succinctly put it in Season 5: “Hello! Gay now!”

Characters who labeled themselves as bisexual were considered to be confused at best and dangerously promiscuous at worst. On The O.C. in 2004, Olivia Wilde’s bi bartender character, Alex Kelly, appeared as a destabilizing force of chaos in the lives of the show’s otherwise straight characters. On a 2011 episode of Glee — a show which, at the time, was breaking ground for gay representation on TV — Kurt Hummel (Chris Colfer) savagely shot down his crush, Blaine (Darren Criss), when Blaine mentioned that he might be bi: “‘Bisexual’ is a term that gay guys in high school use when they want to hold hands with girls and feel like a normal person for a change.” By the end of the episode, Blaine assures Kurt that he is, don’t you worry, “100 percent gay.”

One of TV’s first enduring portrayals of nonbinary sexual attraction came with the entrance of Captain Jack Harkness (John Barrowman) into Russell T. Davies’ 2005 Doctor Who reboot. (Davies also created the original U.K. Queer as Folk.) The time traveler swashbuckled into the series to equal-opportunity flirt with the Doctor (Christopher Eccleston) and his companion Rose (Billie Piper), because, as the Doctor explains, “He’s a 51st-century guy. He’s just a bit more flexible.” Captain Jack went on to feature in his own spinoff series, Torchwood.

Then came Callie Torres on Grey’s Anatomy. Portrayed by Sara Ramirez (who came out as bisexual herself in 2016), Callie had a seasons-long arc that spanned from her burgeoning realization of her bisexuality in 2008 to her complex relationships with both men and women over the years. Callie’s drunken rant from the 11th season would make a great T-shirt to wear to Pride if it weren’t quite so long: “So I’m bisexual! So what? It’s a thing, and it’s real. I mean, it’s called LGBTQ for a reason. There’s a B in there, and it doesn’t mean ‘badass.’ OK, it kind of does. But it also means bi!”

Once the 2010s rolled around, representation began to pick up steam. True Blood’s Tara Thornton (Rutina Wesley), The Legend of Korra’s titular hero (Janet Varney), Game of Thrones’ Oberyn Martell (Pedro Pascal), The Good Wife’s Kalinda Sharma (Archie Panjabi), and Peep Show’s Jeremy Usborne (Robert Webb) all were portrayed in romantic relationships on both sides of the binary. But these characters’ sexual orientations were seldom given a name.

In some cases, this felt quietly revolutionary. On post-apocalyptic CW drama The 100, for example, set a century and change in the future, protagonist Clarke Griffin (Eliza Taylor) is romantically involved with both men and women with no mention of labels. Because on the show’s nuclear fallout-ravaged earth, humankind has presumably gotten over that particular prejudice. On other series, however, not putting a name to the thing seems like a calculated choice. Take Orange Is the New Black, a show that has broken a lot of barriers but steadfastly avoids using the B-word to describe its clearly bisexual central character, Piper Chapman (Taylor Schilling).

A few years ago, though, tectonic plates began to shift. On Pop TV sitcom Schitt’s Creek, David Rose (co-creator Dan Levy) explained his pansexuality to his friend via a now-famous metaphor: “I do drink red wine. But I also drink white wine. And I’ve been known to sample the occasional rosé. And a couple summers back, I tried a merlot that used to be a chardonnay.”

Bisexuality got its literal anthem on the CW’s Crazy Ex-Girlfriend with “Gettin’ Bi,” a jubilant Huey Lewis & the News-style number sung by Darryl Whitefeather (Pete Gardner) about waking up to his latent bisexuality as a middle-aged man. “It’s not a phase, I’m not confused / Not indecisive, I don’t have the gotta-choose blues,” he croons, dancing in front of the bi pride flag. Darryl’s exuberant ode to his identity felt like someone levering a window open in a musty room — a celebration of something that, less than a decade before, TV was loathe to acknowledge.

For Hulu and the U.K.’s Channel 4, Desiree Akhavan (Appropriate Behavior, The Miseducation of Cameron Post) cowrote, directed, and starred in a series picking apart the subject, titled, aptly, The Bisexual. In it, Akhavan portrays Leila, a thirtysomething woman coming to a dawning awareness of her bisexuality after having identified as a lesbian for most of her life. The show navigates the tricky territory that bisexuals inhabit when they’re misunderstood — or sometimes outright rejected — by queer and straight communities alike. Akhavan, a bisexual Iranian-American woman, has said the idea for the show came to her after repeatedly hearing herself described as a “bisexual director.” She told Vanity Fair that “there was something about being called a bisexual publicly — even though it’s 100 percent true! — that felt totally humiliating and in bad taste, and I wanted to understand why.”

As Leila shuttles her way between sexual partners and fields tone-deaf comments from friends on both sides of the binary, The Bisexual offers no easy answers. But it also never flinches. “I’m pretty sure bisexuality is a myth. That it was created by ad executives to sell flavored vodka,” Leila remarks in the first episode, unconsciously echoing 30 Rock’s throwaway joke from a decade ago. Except this time, the stakes — and the bi person in question — are real.

The next generation — younger millennials and Gen Z kids in particular — tends to view sexualityas a spectrum rather than the distance between two poles. Akhavan neatly encompasses this evolution in an exchange between Leila and her male roommate’s twentysomething girlfriend, Francisca (Michèlle Guillot), who questions why Leila is so terrified to tell anyone that she’s started sleeping with men as well as women. When Leila tells her it’s complicated because it’s “a gay thing,” Francisca responds, “So? I’m queer.” “Everyone under 25 thinks they’re queer,” says Leila. “And you think they’re wrong?” Francisca counters. Leila considers this for a moment before answering, “No.”

Representation matters, and here’s why: Seeing who you are reflected in the entertainment you take in gives you not just validation for your identity, but also a potential road map for how you might navigate the world. For many years, bi- and pansexuals existed in a liminal place where we were often dismissed outright by not just the straight community — but the queer community as well. Onscreen representation is not just a matter of showing us something we’ve never seen before, but of making the invisible visible, of drawing a new picture over what was once erased.

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