#moira mention bc i love her

[lovedrruunk]

It would be so cool if you could write a venture x reader where Y/N is too nervous to speak to Venture so Mercy wingmans for them‼️

‘The best wingwoman ! ଘ(˵╹ᴗ╹)━☆

Venture (Overwatch) x GN reader

Authors note!; super cute request!!! Did I tell u guys I'm a mercy main…. DISGUSTING I KNOW!! But I also main Ana so it cancels out… also tbh there’s a lot of requests that I haven’t gotten to *YET* simply bc idk how to go about them :( but this one came to me rlly easily !! Ty!!! also finished this whole thing while listening to phantom of the opera on repeat for 2 hours (i need 2 write a moira fic omg...) UPDATE: HELLO??? THE MERCY MYTHIC? okok ill stfu now sry!!

Earlier today, you were dragged to a work party by your colleague and guardian angel, Angela Ziegler. You begged her to let you stay home, but she refused, saying she wouldn't be able to go without you since you were the only coworker she actually enjoyed spending time with. And so, being the amazing friend you are, of course, you agreed to go to keep her company!... Just kidding!

Angela knew you too well. Once she mentioned that the cutie from the Wayfinder Society was attending, you did a complete 180, now asking her what you should wear. She couldn't help but laugh at your reaction, amused at how predictable you were when it came to romance.

Sloane Cameron, also known as Venture, also known as the cutie from the Wayfinder Society, had quickly captured your attention ever since you first met them a couple of months ago when the Wayfinder Society was adopted by Overwatch as a sub-branch. Being the head anthropologist for Overwatch led you to spending a good amount of time with Venture and their team. Granted, it was just work and sharing data and all that, but you couldn't help but find them super intriguing. They were funny, lively, and so passionate about their work! But as badly as you wanted to get to know them, you just couldn't. Their confidence was a blessing and a curse, being the cause of why you liked them and the cause of why you were so terrified of talking to them.

Every week or so, you and Angela meet up at the cafeteria at Overwatch's headquarters to catch up while drinking your morning coffee/tea/whatever, which you of course just use as time to gush about your overwhelming crush on your new coworker. But last week... last week, you had decided enough was enough. You made a promise to Angela that by next week, you would at least ask them if they'd want to hang out outside of work. Feeling pumped and confident, you had excitedly gotten all dolled up for the party.

And now, here you were. The party was in an old Victorian mansion with lots of expensive art and chandeliers, nothing less for Overwatch, of course. The first time you had attended a work party, you were extremely underdressed, assuming it was a casual get-together, not at all expecting it to be an elegant and serious "ball" like party. You cringed at the memory before Angela snapped you out of it, handing you a glass of champagne.

"So? Is today the day?" she questions as she leans against the back wall you had been standing next to.

"I don't know, Angela..." you whined as you not so discreetly stared at them from across the room.

It was the first time you had seen them in formal attire, and you couldn’t help but admire how they looked good in everything.

"Go ask them to dance!" She suggested happily.

"What!? No way! I can't dance, especially not with them!"

“Oh, don't give me that! The worst they could say is no."

"'No' is definitely not the worst they could say. They could say 'get away from me' or 'why are you talking to me about something other than rocks' or 'your foundation doesn't match your neck.. and no I would rather drop dead than dance with you'."

"Don't be ridiculous."

"I'm serious!- Wait!! Did you see that? They smiled at the new rookie! What if they like her!? What if they came here together!? What if they're dating!? Married!!? Oh my god, and now they're chatting it up with Tiff from communications! They're laughing, what's so funny!?"

"You have got to be kidding me..."

"Right!? She's not even funnier than me..."

Catching you off guard, Angela grips your shoulders, forcing you to face her.

"Shut up," she says sternly, fighting off the urge to smack you in the face. "Just ask them. You'll never know until you do... And if you don't, I owe that infuriating geneticist twenty bucks..." She murmurs the last part to herself angrily.

"Y'know what? You're right!"

You quickly finish the glass of champagne, putting it on the table next to you. Feeling encouraged by your friend, you take a deep breath before marching towards Venture... right before turning your heel and marching straight back to Angela.

"I feel like I'm gonna throw up..."

"You haven't even said anything!!!"

After a bit of back and forth, Angela is fed up and tells you that if you weren't going to do anything about it, then she will.

As she makes her way towards Venture, you whisper yell at her, begging her to come back and let you give it another try. But knowing you, she decides to ignore your desperate pleas as she continues to happily strut towards them.

From the distance, you can't make out what they're talking about, and it's driving you nuts. Angela's back is facing you, but Venture's face lights up, so you decide to take that as a good sign. And just as you start to smile... Angela turns around and points at you.

You freeze in place for what felt like a year before your eyes focus again. Venture is grinning as they wave to you, and Angela uses her hand to call you over. You force a wide smile (not aware of how crazy you look) as you timidly walk up to the two of them.

"Y/N! I was just mentioning to our sweet Cameron over here how you love to dance! They've never been to a party like this, isn't that crazy!"

"Yeah!! Wayfinder never had the funding by itself to afford something like this! I've never really had a reason to learn how to dance, so I have no clue; was hoping you could teach me!?"

"Me? Oh, sorry! I don't know how to dance!"

"But... Dr. Ziegler just said.."

"I know! Poor little Angie... ever since her last birthday, her memory has been terrible!! Must've confused me with Lena!"

You could feel the death glare Angela was giving you, but you continued to smile innocently at them.

"Well... I guess this would be a good opportunity for us to learn, don't ‘cha think?" Of course. Of course, they would somehow find a solution to your excuse.

"Great idea!!" Angela claps her hands together happily. "Why don't you two head to the dance floor? You'll only learn from experience!"

"I agree!"

Before you can say anything, you're dragged by the hand of a very excited Venture, and although your palms are sweaty and your head is spinning, you can't help but feel so much excitement.

. . .

And so as the dancefloor clears and the two of you are making your way out to the gardens, you spot a grinning Angela and a scowling Moira putting away her wallet.

[clochanamarch]

i still love to think about the fact that aisling's father just failed her so badly for so long, and then the morning of the day he died he just stopped ignoring moira's nature and used salt, iron shavings and holy water to soak the floorboards of the house and the walls and the foundations, so when the company set the house on fire it cancelled out the protective sigils that moira was using to shield herself and strengthen her magic.

and then the first time aisling goes to vormir with thanos, her father and eoin both work together to keep her alive long enough to regain the soul stone, which is when eoin sacrifices his chance at coming back and becomes the guide to the souls entering the soul realm.

and then the last time he protects her is when she returns to vormir for the second and final time, and she has to walk through the villages and up the road and through the paths carved into the cliff, and he arrives to walk with her, because he knows she's frightened and he knows what's about to happen, and so he holds her hand and they walk together, and when they reach the top he just looks at her and smiles and kisses the top of her head and tells her how proud he is of her, and then he waits until she's stepped out over the cliff's edge, and then he disappears for the final time.

just the fact that he lets her down so many times, he refused to consider what moira was, and then finally, just when he realized what was coming, he sets in motion the events that give aisling (untrained and inexperienced at the time) a fighting chance against moira (500 years of experience and learning). he knows he messed up, and even in death he keeps fighting for her because he cannot and will not abandon her again.

[pacing-er]

The Krakoa Era Reading List Cherik Version (PART 1):

(In order of timeline)

1. House of X/Powers of X

Tons of Cherik interactions with a lot of emphasis put onto their relationship. Moira/Charles is mentioned but very minor and in the end Charles chooses Erik over her. Highly recommend reading the whole thing since it establishes the universe and has a lot of ship bait.

2. Dawn of X

Some cute moments but overall they do not play a huge part in this series. A majority is dedicated to world building and other characters. Worth reading for the small parts they are in which are unfortunately dispersed throughout 15 volumes. I recommend skimming through it since the moments they are in are good but it is overall skippable.

(Highlights: Charles is assassinated and revived. There are a few angsty scenes with Magneto and their reunion is a little lackluster but sweet. Charles and Erik go to speak at an international meeting and it's cool. Logan gets Magneto drunk so he can steal his helmet, Magneto is a cute chatty drunk. I recommend reading that part at least bc I love it sooo much.)

3. X of Swords

Most of their appearances are in silent counsel meetings and Charles is shown several times in the resurrection chambers. Again they play a much smaller role in this series. The most noteworthy things to come from this series are the cute co-parenting moments between Erik and Charles. Since this one is much shorter (5 volumes as opposed to 15), I will include the moments I personally enjoyed. Aside from these moments I think this series is skippable.

Erik and Charles co-parenting an angsty Polaris (Magneto's daughter):

Erik and Charles being proud of their son Cyclops:

And I just really loved this scene XD Someone hatched from their egg mad as hell and Charles was NOT having it

I am planning to make a series of posts as I read through the Krakoa Era, so for now this is only Part 1. My memory isn't great and I pretty much just scroll until I see Erik or Charles and only read those parts so I'm missing some major context LMAO but I hope this is helpful to anyone

[dol-dee]

IK nobody asked buuuuut I'll talk about it anyways.

I somewhat fall into the category of prefering fem iterations of the dol characters. I say somewhat bc, Yeah I like women but thats not the main reason.

DoL HEAVILY relies on tropes and well known character archetypes when it comes to it's NPCs.

A lot of them are ol' reliables and (at least to me) feel very worn out when in their cis male version. Which is why I often gravitate to the version that feels more "fresh" or subversive to me.

For Example: I love my fem Sydney but her particular character trope (corruption of the "pure" religious character) feels a bit more interesting (to me) when its M!Sydney.

Although I will admit that another reason I tend to favor the female versions is that most dol fandom depictions (that I have seen) already have a strong bias towards the male version of these characters. The ground there is plenty covered already and I don't think I can bring much new to the table there.

I don't think most people will care about my particular opinions/List on this , so I'll put it under a cut haha.

Tbf I like to let the game do it's own thing to see what it cooks up in the npcs body, sex and gender department but I do have a few characters that I consistently change like Avery.

Cis M!Avery is just suuuch a tired trope to me (probably bc it's not that uncommon in real life either?) Another man with anger issues who exclusively dates (according to canon aka Vrel) only 18 to 20 year olds? YAWN. idk I could just go look at Leonardo DiCaprios dating chart if I wanted to see that. Obviously, if it does something for you, go right ahead. I'll leave you to your feast, it's just not for me. I need Avery to be a very smarmy, maladjusted butch woman.

Okokok I'll get to the list now (for the characters that I have developed strong opinions about anyways) and I'll go into, what my current/canon run is set to as well as what I prefer depending on what I find more interesting. (with some notes if I have thoughts on the character) uhhhhh Ig I'll do it in Alphabetical order?

Avery: Preferred: F! Avery Current Run: F! Avery (note: I think I went in and manually changed it) - (Nothing more to say really, I already mentioned my reasons. Plus M!Avery just makes me feel icky)

Alex: Preferred: No preference Current Run: M! Alex

Bailey: Preferred: somewhat neutral but leaning towards F! Bailey Current Run: F! Bailey - (Bailey once again seems to have a lot of M! fanworks already and I like the idea of her being either futch or butch. Bailey just strikes me as someone who'd wear a lot of boring suits. Very nondescript/practical)

Eden: Preferred: F! Eden Current Run: F! Eden - (Eden is a case where I really wanted to live my Huntress dbd fantasies out with her but was open to the option of M!Eden. Until I ran into him in my first run and I really didn't like it very much. I prefer her as a hulking hermit woman atp also sad toxic yuri between Eden and Bailey <3)

Harper: Preferred: No preference Current Run: F! Harper - (Harper lowkey gives me Moira Overwatch vibes (mainly bc of my design lmao) so I have a soft spot for fem!Harper)

Kylar: Preferred: No preference Current Run: F! Kylar - (I do think same sex PC and Kylar is hilarious considering Kylar is so fixated on getting you pregnant, so in this case: ig whatevers funnier <3)

Remy: Preferred: F!Remy kinda Current Run: F! Remy - (I'm actually kind neutral on Remy's sex and gender but I do think its somehow funnier when it's F!Remy. Like whats going on there that she wants to give other women humongus tits and milk them?)

Robin: Preferred: No preference Current Run: M! Robin - (Robin is cute either way!)

Sydney: Preferred: No preference Current Run: F! Sydney - ( I have no real preference for Sydney and I already mentioned my thoughts on them)

Whitney: Preferred: F! Whitney Current Run: M! Whitney - (I've seen this trope so many times with hyperagressive dudes. It's not doing much for me. To see that kind of behavior with a fem character instead really revitalizes my interest in It! M!Whitney is fine and hes kinda grown on me but I think I'd have more fun with Whitney if they were femme instead)

[valyrou]

Kinda weird idea but fuck it:

How would Reaper react if he found out Moira experimented on his kid? Kid is like, late teens probably said experiments altered their appearance too(just to drive the pain of it home bc angst).

Sorry if this is confusing, hope you have a wonderful day/night!

A/N: Helloo! This is such a great request :000 I loooove it!!! I hope it’s what you asked for. Also I need to get up in 5 hours and I have not slept yet soooo…

Warnings: mention of needles (if there is anything else let me know

Other info: reader is around 16/17

Overwatch

Father!Reaper x Teen!Reader (Platonic)

He would find out about moiras experiments because he happens to walk past her lab and hear your pained screams

When entering the room he would see you unconscious with various of IVs and needles inside your skin

He would be too freaked out to be very angry, but he would be angry with Moira

Lots of blaming on himself… poor you, you didn’t deserve this… not you

Gabriel ears perked up. What was that? The halls would be quiet at this hour of night. There! There it was again! Reyes followed his ears and almost walked past the excruciating screams that came from one door. One very familiar door. Right as he stops Infront of the door of his colleague the screams pick up again, yet the voice cracks right after and then silence. Reyes was so tired he nearly didn’t realize who had been screaming.

As soon as it dawned on him he swung the doors open „What are you doing Moira!“ the Reaper himself spoke up, voice loud and demanding an answer from the scientist „Experimenting“ was all he got back. Reaper hurried close, looking at his poor child. That mad women had somehow turned your whole right arm a Transparent white, almost ghost like „You Dare to put your hands on them!?“ his voice was venomous and dripping with anger

His angered Look would have killed at least 10 of his men, yet Moira looked emotionless „you offered me your body, theirs should be no exception. Don’t you see what I created, a little more testing and they might bring us just what we need!“ Moira sounded excited and Reyes stomach turned in disgust. He looked away, turning his back to the female ginger while getting his only child, the only human he was capable of loving of the needles.

As gentle as he could, did he remove what caused the altering of your right arm, only then did he realize that your left arm, that has previously been covered by a cloth, looked alike to your right, Transparent and lucid. When every last needle was removed, he carefully picked you up and cradled you in his arms. It didn’t matter to him, how big or how old you were, you would always be his baby and he couldn’t hate himself more, for letting that happen to you.

„This is not over.“ his harsh voice echoed through the lab and hung in the air like a threat. Moira simply sat back in her chair and looked at her files. If Reyes wouldn’t care for you first, he would snap that women’s neck like a twig.. yet he decided otherwise and carried you to his room where he placed you on his bed, tucking you in while pulling a chair to your side and sitting on it. He didn’t sleep that whole night. No he blamed himself for not being there for you enough.. and just how much of a failure of a father he is to you…

He now has to hope that you will forgive him for his mistakes…

[lunchtimebedamned1997]

Harrowhark Nonagesimus Concept

(Speedpaint and a few book one thoughts under the cut <3)

PLEASE, NO SPOILERS!! (exceptions for book 1 ofc) I just finished the first book in the Locked Tomb series and oh my god it's incredible?!

Wanted to draw a couple of the characters out as I'm reading the series before I start looking at fanart and stuff eventually.

This is just a quick concept sketch to get the general structure and proportions I imagined down so that I can remember wtf my perspective on them was later haha

Some book one spoilers do exist here, below:

I always have an image of ppl in my head (even if it doesn't match character descriptions sometimes lmao) and I never get around to doing it b4 I dive into the fandom, so I wanted to try this time. Harrow was first bc

A) She's a fucking brat and I love her B) Like, nearly the whole book is from Gideon's perspective and - that girl sure does like staring at Harrow and describing her XD

I obviously want to draw Gideon next, but I feel like I don't have as clear of a picture of her bc she was the perspective character.

Speedpaint break between the ramblings!

Honestly, can't you just hear her saying "Honestly, Griddle!" XD Tbh Moira Quirk's reading of the audiobook was fucking superb and I like- bro holy fucking shit. That woman can fucking voice act.

Also no matter how many times they mention Camilla's hair, I'm sorry but I can't imagine her with anything but light/mid-brown gauzy waves XD I don't know why! But she just doesn't feel like a blunt haircut girly to me. I'll have to draw her with both hairstyles. Maybe if I give her rounder bangs I could vibe with it? I could probably vibe with that...

Whatever, lmao I'm just glad I got Harrowhark's face down (just started book two and I'm anxious lmao, wish me luck - if her eyes are golden (ik they must be) imma feel ill bro. You guys - if they're gold - oshoseihfoi I'm too gay for this shit don't look at me.

Also like, can we just talk about how the connection between Gideon and Harrow was written - my god. Fucking gorgeous. The whole book, but that... damn. It was so perfect. As a reader you want there to be more. You want more ground to be given up, I wanted them to cuddle in that damn bed!!!! But they couldn't, not with where they were at, and I have nothing but the upmost respect for a book that makes me want something, and is justified - is right - in not giving it to me.

[lovinglin]

OKAY, I'm gonna try explaining the song I mentioned in this post actually, bc even tho the music video itself has translated lyrics- I actually used the ones in this instead since it makes more sense imo

VERY long ramble below, also contains some spoilers with Fon//taine's AQ Act 1 be warned LOL

There's like... a very vivid animatic(?) in my head for this so I'm gonna explain the scenes I imagine alongside each lyric

Two hours after the arranged time of our rendezvous, / I was still waiting alone. So that must be your answer. / The passers-by on the street and the floating clouds were laughing at my stupidity.

I like thinking that Lyney probably invited Moira (S/I name) to one of his magic shows (as a way of wanting to get more closer than friends + impress her). He even got her a ticket and reserved a seat.

But once the show was about to start/started, when he looks into the crowd- he doesn't find her there. Which makes him think that maybe that was her answer to his invitation.

Although the crowd were cheering + laughing (/pos) at his performance, deep down it felt like he was making a fool (hah, fatui pun) of himself.

It's so easy, and yet so difficult, / for I can move on as soon as I accept reality. / Unable to believe it, not wanting to believe it / I must be a clown inside your mind, aren't I?

After the show, he's reflecting on his feelings. Although he's aware of the situation he's in- being in love with Moira but not seeing her reciprocate it, he knows it'd be best to just let it go. But he doesn't want to.

The last line is very self-explanatory and I mentioned it just prior. Very funny because he's a magician/performer and also part of the fatui.

Ah, I spin and spin, and am tired of spinning. / Ah, my breath, my breath has run out.

The lyrics kinda show how Lyney feels, being in love with Moira and all. He's kinda in a loop in trying to get close to her, only to be met with friendliness and his flirting attempts not being noticed. (She's oblivious, dear god save this girl)

In this scene though, Lyney is walking home with Lynette after their show. He's feeling rather dejected since his crush didn't show up, but little does he know it's not for the reasons he thinks it is.

Soon enough, Moira actually follows him in the streets, calling out his name as well. Once she catches up to him, she tells him that she's super sorry that she missed his show- mainly bc she was busy with work.

She asks him if she could treat him (and Lynette) to a meal (specifically dinner since I imagine this time to be set at night now) to make up for it, to which they agree bc she insisted anyway even if they declined.

Yes, this is the sad end of my fate. / I am still unable to reach you.

During the meal, Lyney is kinda glad that Moira was kind enough to treat them to a meal. He'd lowkey consider it a date if Lynette wasn't with them. But then again, Moira only invited them bc she wanted to make up to not making it to their show (not bc she reciprocated his feelings). Which... yeah.

Poor, poor Lyney. So close yet so far.

[ Insert song Intermission where it's a time skip ]

The Earth, carrying me, spins. / With an unconcerned expression, it spins.

The world turns, time goes on, yet- it feels like he's stuck in one place constantly. (Being in love with Moira but they only stay as friends no matter how hard he tries).

For just one second, I hold my breath, / and, unable to say anything, I stand still dumbfounded.

There's sometimes small moments where he and Moira get closer than expected (perhaps physically, like hands brushing against each other or faces getting a little too close to one another).

And for a second, he literally holds his breath and goes quiet for a moment over it. His heart is skipping one too many beats and he's not sure if those actions are intentional or not.

It's a coincidence, yet also fate, / for I knew it'd be better if I didn't try to find out.

This specific lyric can tie into the last explanation. But I also imagined these lyrics to be paired with the scene where the twins go to trial and Moira is present in it, watching. (Make it hit even harder if she was finally also there during his performance in the opera house and witnessed the murder that happened too).

I felt your warmth on my skin. / Your smile and your gestures are going to break me.

I like thinking that Lyney's recalling all the soft little moments they had before, yk, as friends. All of Moira's soft and happy smiles. It's hurting him that it's being replaced atm with a very shocked and distressed expression over what she's witnessing.

Ah, I spin and spin, and am tired of spinning. / Ah, I spin and spin, and am tired of spinning. / Ah, my breath, my breath is stopping. / Ah, my breath, my breath is stopping.

There's not much to explain here other than the fact that Lyney feels super guilty and ashamed that Moira has to witness all of what's happening during the trial.

Ah, that things will begin to change, / ah, is a scary thought.

Additionally, he's worried that this'll put a strain on their already existing friendship, and maybe any possibility of them being together is being washed down the drain completely.

I quit. I'm not waiting for you anymore. / Otherwise, I really will end up breaking.

Self-explanatory? But also I feel like Lyney only ends up breaking bc the Traveler made it clear that they had some distrust in him and Lynette after knowing that they hid their real identities to them.

So that's just another layer of emotions to Lyney, and I don't think he's very good at concealing his emotions for too long if he keeps bottling it all up.

Ah, I spin and spin, and am tired of spinning. / Ah, my breath, my breath is stopping.

Once the trial ends and everything is cleared up, Lyney feels a little emotionally drained since he doesn't know how Moira feels about him now even after he's proven innocent. Not only that, but there is a bit of strain in him and the Traveler's friendship too. How much more for him and Moira?

Luckily, when he meets her again. She seemed worried yet relieved that Lyney was indeed innocent, and seemed to be fussing over him and how he's feeling. His heart skips a beat once more and he really just doesn't wanna put himself into this emotional rollercoaster again.

But then, the way she's holding his face so gently and looking at him with worry yet also so much care... it feels a little too much like coincidence to it to not be love. For it to not be something that she also reciprocated for him.

Was he blind? Was he just tired? Was he the oblivious one all this time? Did he misinterpret all those friendly gestures to be just friendly and not also a hint that she loved him, but showed it differently? Oh, his head is spinning so much.

"Moira?" "Yes, Lyney?" "I need to ask- it's been keeping my mind restless and painfully curious. Do you love me?"

She's... surprised at first, but she sighs and shows him a soft smile. Maybe one that's with more adoration now. "Have you only noticed now? Yes, of course I do."

"Oh."

Yes, I am the clown that you desire. Please command me as you wish

[cungader0]

following up my post abt the tf2 mercs and what nfl team they’d root for, i present to you: overwatch characters and the nfl team they’d root for

support

ana: for whatever reason, reinhardt is really into football so she watches it with him on occasion and roots for whomever he’s rooting for

bap: i feel like he’d be really into the spirit and the vibe of the kc chiefs? like, they’re loud and they win a lot and he’d be drawn to the comradeship the fanbase has

brig: she’s partial to any team with a cat mascot! if the bengals, panthers, jags, or lions do well, she’s a happy camper :) also watches the thanksgiving lions game every year w torb and rein

illari: ohhhh i feel like she’d enjoy the chargers, especially since they’ve been doing better as of late. she enjoys the stadium and she loves the colors and the motifs and it’s all just very,,, yes.

kiri: she thinks football is stupid probably but if she absolutely had to pick a team i feel like she’d like the eagles bc boy do they know how to go fuckin apeshit

lucio: he is SOOOOOO a jags fan!!! i think he’d take one look at the chaotic energy of the crowd and the stadium and all its wacky amenities and be like damn!!! looks like a good time!!

mercy: she’s a commanders fan bc that j sounds nice! everyone should just have fun okay <3 lower maintenance fanbase for the win bc it makes her the Least Stressed and she needs a mf break

moira: steelers fan because she’s the worst </3 jkjk i think if she had to pick (and she’d sigh and groan at the question bc it’s stupid does she look like someone who watches espn to you?) she’d pick the ravens

weaver: my man weaver is a fan of a 49ers. i could not tell you why i think this, i just do. it makes sense to me. i feel like their good track record helps this cause lol

zen: oh hes gotta be a bengals fan. friendliest fan base? that’s all u had to say, he’s all in. whodey.

dps

ashe: she’s legally obligated to be a cowboys fan despite her current residence in arizona. she was def born and raised a cowboys fan and runs deep in her psyche to this day

bastion: i’m honestly not even sure he would understand football or the appeal so i’m gonna say he roots for whoever is favored to lose—loves an underdog story!

cassidy: also a cowboys fan! this is purely coincidental though bc apparently the cowboys r just the most popular team in nm so yk. they’re twinning omgg

echo: since echo learned most of her social cues and mannerisms from cole after mina died, echo tends to be partial to whomever cole is partial to

genji: packers, always fights with hanzo over this

hanzo: bears, always fights with genji over this

junk: steelers LMFAO he’d be so into the ratty ass fanbase i can just feel it. he would fit right in

mei: she likes the cardinals because look at the cute little bird! such a lovely mascot, don’t you think?

pharah: JETS BABY ITS ALL ABOUT THE NEW YORK JETS PEW PEW PEW also i just feel like she’d be so at home in new york like no one takes shit from anybody everyone is blunt it’s just perfect for her

reaper: technically he’s a rams fan but you would never know it because he owns no merch but is surprisingly enthusiastic if asked about it (but then again, you’d have to know to ask in the first place)

sojourn: watches the cfl instead, but if forced to pick? maybe the bills? just because of proximity?

soldier: APPARENTLY HES FROM BLOOMINGTON???? which makes him a COLTS FAN????? this is rocking my world oh my god i need to sit down

sombra: i feel like she could be a raiders fan? something something piracy something something hacking something something you get the idea. plus bonus points for being close proximity wise to the southern border

sym: first of all she’d spit on you for even deigning to ask her if she delighted in the rituals of american football, but second of all, she only knows one team and it’s the 49ers just because that’s who weaver would mention offhandedly when they were roommates

torb: he likes the vikings because he thinks they just look really cool and the stadium is neat. he’s a simple guy what can i say.

tracer: okay stick with me here—i think she’d be a dolphins fan. she knows nothing about football but likes the animal mascots and the uniforms and thinks it’s funny to watch the grown men run around in matchy matchy little outfits. doesn’t really care all that much at the end of the day

widow: saints fan because she’s french, but would probably also spit on you if you asked for the same reasons sym would.

tank

dva: she is sooooo a seahawks chick the uniforms are so cute and the team is so cool and it reminds her a lot of the esports teams she’s encountered in her day?? for some reason?? it’s about the vibes tbh

doomfist: he’s a falcons fan i can feel it in my BONES. GOd.

jq: unlike rat she has taste and would never lay eyes on a team like the steelers so she’s a giants fan; would also fit in spectacularly well in new york so there’s bonus points for that :]

orisa: she loves a dedicated fanbase and she thought the mascot was too damn cute and it reminded her of her own dog so she’s a cleveland browns fan. also likes the texans because the mascot looks like her!!!

ram: do i have to say it. do i. (he’s a rams fan).

rein: he is a ride or die man. his team could be absolute dogass for thirty years and he’d still show up to every home game and cheer like no one’s business. he’s gotta be a bengals fan

roadhog: enables rat’s steelers fandom

sigma: he’s a broncos fan because i feel like he’d visit denver and it would remind him of home despite being in the states and he’d acquire some unreasonable lowkey deranged emotional attachment to the city and therefore the team bc he’s just sentimental like that fr

winton: he has the aura of a good, proper raised southern boy and for that i feel like he could be a titans fan? idk. not too sure abt this one but nothing else fits as well

ball: hampter is a buccs fan because he’s a little shit who loves starting shit. what more is there to it?

zarya: she’s got a thing for the patriots bc while tom brady was still doing tom brady she’d look at him and be like HA i could do so much more than this puny man. put me in coach. i will crush the opposition. basically only a fan bc she thinks brady is lame and she would’ve been a better qb for the team LMAO

[fandoms-of-a-random-existence]

You know what! I will accept that I am most certainly biased as the player of Raevyn but fuck it we ball. Time for the Raeran Weirdest Couple Propaganda Post!! Because if not me, who's going to make this!! (.....okay i'm lying given the distribution it's not impossible for someone else to do this but LOOK I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEY'RE SO-)

Just as a concept! Escaped lab experiment who went to Disney Villain Anime Boy Gacha Game Academy x Robot Dreamwalker With Mommy Issues (Shout out to fucked up evil mad scientist Dr. Milf! help we've called her that so much in ooc i can't think of Moiras as anything else) And don't worry about the implications of this Loyal Son working for his evil mad scientist "mother" (she does not see him as a son. just a creation. also hates aer. Almost everyone does. Guy who sucks and commits atrocities <3) dating an escaped lab experiment there's absolutely nothing to worry about there [sideyes [REDACTED] arc] it all works out in the end!!

Even their first meeting! Gayboy wanders into Raevyn's mildly unhinged dreamscape and gets the "follow the white rabbit" experience! Going through mirrors and finding aerself in coffins and hedge mazes and hopscotch over open voids and musical stairs! All of which is perfectly normal (NO) and then they finally meet and flirt a bit by dancing on tables right out of the gate until they're attacked by the memory of a phantom! You know how it is!

Raevyn literally loses their head! (That one just picks it back up and reattaches it as Zoran offers to help but "oh! well, I see you've got this handled!") and now they're fighting together and flirting by showing off in increasingly dramatic ways whilst still beating the phantom and its card soldiers up! But do they acknowledge that anything about this situation is in any way abnormal? Of course not! (Genuinely finding screenshots for these two being weird is so hard bc they're always playing it seriously) But now they have one crown! Which is only enough for one of them! And so they immediately commit themselves to a Dream Heist so they can be a matching set!

I need to impress that this is literally their first meeting.

Also that Raevyn had recently promised Zoran's sister that if the person she was speaking about (Zoran, but Luci never mentioned aer by name) ever showed up that one'd run him over with their motorcycle.

They're insane to me /aff

They spar gayly offscreen and one time Saluci came in and kidnapped Zoran from Raevyn's dreamscape in the middle of one these spars (to make him pay for Crimes. Or something. He's a fucked up pathetic sopping wet little meow meow do i look like i keep track of all the atrocities he commits-)

Honestly there's probably a lot more but it's a low spoon day and I have Arrangements that start in [checks time] approximately 10 minutes but I want to get the blorbos out into the world before tumblr deletes my draft!

Anyways!!!! Vote Raeran weirdest kitc couple sweep ooooooo you want to vote for them sooooooo bad /j

Weirdest KITC Couple Poll

Masterpost

[zoophagist]

Excerpt from “The Book of Renfield: A Gospel of Dracula” — Moira’s death.

As I saw this terror in Moira’s eyes, I leaned forward. I took her inelegant hand in mine and spoke to her, after the fashion in which I had seen Father speak to other dying parishioners, taking it upon myself to guide her towards life’s secret egress as best I could.

“I can tell by the look in your eyes, Moira, that Death’s hand is perched on your shoulder, pale as bone. I have often thought — as I know it to be Father’s fondest wish — that I might someday become vicar here, when his time is done. With this dream in mind, I have often wondered what words of comfort I might share with a dying parishioner when her time was near. And now, as we sit together, you and I are about to find out . . .

“Who exactly are you, Moira? Who are you to have spent your life regarding all of our Lord’s creation with such boredom and contempt? How many days, rich with possibility, were given to you by our Lord so that you might sit in your little kitchen and stare out the window and declare yourself to be uninterested? On how many occasions did God bring new acquaintances into your life — old and venerable people, young and trusting people — only to see you shrink from them, withholding your mean spirit, telling yourself that they were hateful and suspicious of you, because you, in fact, were hateful and suspicious of them?

“I do not speak of myself, for I wanted nothing of you, not even the sight of you. No, I think of the needy creatures who bleated at your kitchen door , bleating for love and sustenance . . . the way you responded to the needs of hungry cats with saucers of cow’s milk laced with poison. I watched your charity with revulsion . . . the way you made sport of the growls coming from their hungry stomachs — and the way you pushed them away as they sought to repay your generosity with affection, rubbing against your legs, pushing their furry faces into your hands — denying them a love you did not have it in you to spare. And, if I really care to torture myself, I think of that scared rabbit . . . how its bones must have snapped as you wrenched its neck . . . and how you forced me — your own flesh and blood, so they tell me, to sit down to a dinner where it was served as a meal, filling with that animal’s death the mouth you denied nourishment from your own pap. So many nights I awoke in fright, dreaming of the expression on that hare’s face as you twisted the life out of it . . . And now here we sit, your own moment of truth fast approaching, and I ask myself, ‘What shall be the look on Moira’s face when she finally sheds her mask of servitude and piety . . . when God reaches gigantically down to her and twists her neck?’ The answer will soon be known to me, and I shall be satisfied, but it will never be known to you.

“But know this, Moira — you are on the point of going where every person . . . every animal . . . every thing that has ever died before you has gone. You will pass through the door through which everyone, from the oldest sage to the stupidest infant, has passed, soiling itself in sheer terror. You are moving towards it even now, floating on a gentle stream away from the familiar, towards something bigger and more infinite and more terrible than you have ever known. The movement you feel, Moira, is due to the fact that you are being sucked irrevocably towards the very sink-hole of existence. Every person, every prince and every pauper . . . every saint and every murderer . . . every animal from the noble horse to the wretched leech . . every rat, every bat, every mouse that ever affrighted you . . . every insect . . . every cockroach that ever spat mustard under the murderous weight of your shoe. This sink-hole is a dreadful portal indeed, rank and thick with the nasty mattings of all their spent blood and hair, all their blistered skin and rancid pus . . . and now you’ll go spinning down that same sink-hole, tongue first, to wherever their souls have gone, to meet the same judgement . . . no better than they . . . no better than they . . . no better than they!

“That is my final wish for you, Moira. Not eternity in a void, but eternal darkness spent in the very close company of every one and every thing you’ve ever judged, everything you’ve ever spoiled, everything you’ve ever smashed or snapped or stepped on, or stepped in; every child you ever shat out and walked away from — like the other whelps you probably had before me, who died sobbing out of sheer need of a loving touch. May the heap of their fallen carcasses cushion your fall and envelop you as you sink through the layers of their rot. May their rank wastes become an eternal womb for you, and may you starve in that womb of their pressing flesh and panting breaths until you cannot do otherwise but open the very mouth of your soul and gorge yourself on all the damage you have done in your life of damnable selfishness.

“Once you make a feast of all that, perhaps your penance will be paid in full. But know this: Not even then will I begin to forgive you. I wonder . . . would God even recognize you as one of His own if He saw you, you God-fearing louse? Do black bugs like yourself truly fear God? You do? Perhaps it is with good reason. Or might it be because you do not know Him? If that is the case, allow me to introduce you . . . 

“Lord and Master, hear the voice of your humble servant, Renfield. I hereby consign into Your hands, for her eternal recompense for deeds done in this life, one of Your own. I know her as Moira . . . but You know her . . . as my mother.”

With those last words dead on my lips, I reached deep into my coat pocket and pulled out Jolly, placing him at the foot of Moira’s bed. He stood up on his hind legs for a better look at her. I heard Moira draw in her breath sharply, which in itself was enough to kill her.

“Look, Jolly,” I said in time, picking him up and stroking him. “My mummy’s dead.”

[fagcrisis]

ok heres my objective ranking of all xmen movies except the ones that arent on this list

xmen and x2: icant separate them sorry. charming practical effects kind of bad but campy writing what happens to a toad when its struck by lighting i love you forever. mystique and magneto peak gay besties raven looks her best in these ones turn the senator most vocally targeting your minority group into horrible goo, first appearance of magneto bottom storage. really fun movies that arent that great in some parts but theyre absolutely entertaining as hell to watch and i love practical effects have i mentioned the practical effects

xmen last stand: she ranks lower for the one simple reason that MAGNETO WOULDNT BETRAY RAVEN IF SHE LOST HER POWERS THATS NOT MY GAY GRANDPA!! also scott my friend scott dies

days of future past: this movie makes sense To the evolved mind. it also has literally everything. james mcavoy looking hot. ian mckellen magneto for one last time being cunty as Hell. we r now getting into the category of movies that are objectively not a good movie experience if you dont like the xmen but this one is fun and i like it. erik literally drops a stadium on the president

first class: JUSTICE FOR DARWIN also i just really hate moira sorry women. theres just a lot of things in this movie that annoy me and they are not saved by cherik meetcute!! and also this was the movie that erik was the absolutely most correct in like hes never even crossed charles's centrist ass lines that he sets he only wants to kill a nazi really badly!! hes always right all of the time but this time hes extra super right.

dark phoenix: BAD movie. Dogshit movie. it cant rank lowest bc cherik cottagecore ending

apocalypse: this movie sucks so bad they made my boy BALD. incredibly racist. absolutely no one can act michael fassbender forgot how to just for this movie specifically and james mcavoy is doing his ALL for this Shit movie. moira is there cannot stress enough how racist it is

honorary mention: deadpool 2 (first one wasnt that good)

dishonorary mention: all 15 thousand wolverine movies

[deadrlngers]

AND 🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊🖊 for whoever’s Got u right now

it's moira that is living rent free in my head rn but i already talked about her in two other asks so nfkjdf. i'll pick daniel & nader and split these for them both since i never talk about them...my boys <3

Daniel

his mother and step-father really wanted to see him work for trauma team, his mom already had med school paid for him (with jonathan's money fjdsjk) and jon already pulled some strings for a guaranteed job in the company. but daniel simply hated having his future already decided by others and he never liked the idea of working for corporations. he will later become a ripperdoc tho :^)

he's going to take this secret to the grave (and also made fenix SWEAR he will never talk about it with vesper) but. looks like he had a little crush on fenix when he first met him..he didn't know he had history with his own sister and he regrets thinking fenix was hot every single day of his life kfjsdkf

he loves doing little sketches, he's not an artist and doesn't really care about drawing in general but he likes to u know, doodle stupid things with his wobbly lines. leave little notes around with his doddles on it

fenix has become some kind of mentor in his life, like an older brother (even if he already has one but they never really had a good relationship) and vesper hates that soooo much because sometimes daniel acts like him/thinks like fenix would etc etc. daniel looks up at him with admiration maybe like a role model, even if he doesn't spare fenix of any playful insults and so on. everyone is concerned about this

Nader

has a black cat named Noir and he loves him more than anything in the world. one day this stray entered his mother's restaurant trying to find something to eat and nader immediately fell in love with the little guy. he kept feeding him every time noir came around until one day he never left <3

he's a drummer and played a few times with vesper out of fun, they do match reaaal well together, they are just missing a few bandmates to finally have their own official band

he lives in a pretty cozy studio: the place has something poetic about it (just like its owner, a poetic soul you know), minimalist but also chaotic in a tidy way if this makes sense fjksdkl. he hated leaving his mother since he's very close to his family but he felt like he needed his own place, especially for doing his netrunning stuff. it's all okay tho bc he visits karima almost daily (works at the restaurant with her too when he can). also everyone is wondering when daniel will move in with him there since he spends most of his time at nader's place anyway (fenix. fenix is asking himself that. bc he wants the house free of daniel fjsdkfjdn)

it was his idea to own a tattoo studio and daniel got dragged into it by curiosity basically. one day he randomly mentioned his idea of opening a studio and daniel immediately went ohh WELL that's my dream too now. nader is very happy about this because not only he can do something he loves but he's doing it with his best friend which makes everything more special than he could ever dream of

[alittlepudge-neverhurtnobody]

Okay so what about david stating to gain alot of weight quickly and everyones kinda worried but he's actually just really happy and comfortable in his relationship + probably finding out hes kinda into it

(And maybe even patrick not knowing so he gets a bit worried too)

Oh I love this!! (As you may know from following me) wg as a sign of recovery/happiness/comfort is one of my favorite tropes of all time so I would love to see this for David!! either gaining weight when he starts getting comfortable with Patrick once they’ve settled the whole barbecue/olive branch debacle, or I could also see like, David waiting until after the wedding bc he has Very Specific Visions of how things should look and also probably has had pieces of that outfit picked out since his old life and where is he going to find a tailor here he can trust to let out the seams without causing irreparable damage? waiting after the wedding and then deciding that he’s not dieting anymore. after the wedding, he can eat whatever he wants, no matter what it is, no matter how much, no matter how often. he gets to eat specifically because he wants to, no more restricting or holding himself back or switching out to a healthier option. and his metabolism is slowing down, his body is settling a little more as he settles down, and so he does gain a lot of weight quickly but he also isn’t worrying about it the way he used to because he feels secure enough to let his body change without fear that his partner is going to reject him for it. 

but of course David has a history of worrying about these things and handling them Uh Pretty Badly, so when he starts plumping up, everyone starts swooping in to check on him. Johnny and Moira trying to ask after his mental health in their own awkward, less-than-helpful ways (”so, son ... you know, sometimes ... when someone isn’t talking about something that’s bothering them ... it comes out in, ah, you know ... other ways, like maybe, ah, a lot of cheeseburgers at the cafe -- I mean, at a cafe -- and, you know, it might help that person to, ah, talk about it!” / “DaViD, I do hope your emotional entanglements are not imposing a hamper on your wellBeInG, lest we reprise your cognitive doldrums of two! thousand! and! fiiiive!”), Alexis fussing over him and offering him a little bit of the high-end moisturizer she treats herself to because it’s infused with sweet orange oil and it’s, like, so good at lifting your spirits, David, like, you will feel like a whole new person with just, like, the teeniest smidge, and suggesting little trips and excursions because she thinks something is wrong and wants to perk him up, despite David not actually ... seeming down. but in the past his weight gains have always been accompanied by a lot of shame and guilt and heartbreak and he guesses he sort of quietly did all the unlearning about that and it didn’t occur to anyone else to do so, because they’re all hovering over him and making kind little offers and trying to help him when he does not need it, thank you very much!!

(cue Stevie in the background having a pleasant but more-than-vaguely threatening conversation with Patrick because if she finds out that, say, he hid something else from David, or he’s upsetting David in some way, well, is Patrick aware that there are bodies buried on the motel grounds that no one has ever found? no? interesting ... ! but Patrick’s a little worried too, because he’s heard David talk about his body in the past and his language isn’t always ... the kindest? so he’s sort of treating David with kid gloves, trying not to patronize him but also not to cause some kind of body-image meltdown. he very carefully doesn’t say anything about food or David’s steadily climbing weight or his snug clothes, but he tries to go heavy on the casual touches and affection so David can at least be secure that Patrick is here for him for whatever’s going on.)

finally Alexis says something while she and David are out browsing at some very sad little indie mall, like, seventeen towns over and the way she says it, it could be about his perceived mental anguish or his weight, and he kind of snaps back at her and tells her he’s very happy with his body, and he’s very happy period, thanks so much, squinty unamused smile, and she just looks him up and down and goes, “well, duh, David, it’s not like getting fat is a bad thing, it’s just historically been a bad thing for you,” and tosses her hair and pushes a sweater into his hands before flouncing away like this is fully how she intended this conversation to go. the sweater is a 3x and not completely awful and David doesn’t even own anything in a 3x yet but somehow she intuited that it would fit perfectly? (in the car on the way home he has Sarah McLachlan on and Alexis hasn’t said a word to complain about it yet, which means something is up, and finally she runs her fingers through the ends of her hair and goes, like there was no break in their conversation at all, “okay but like, I think we all just thought it was, like, the birthday clown thing all over again, and you were just going to go radio silent for like six months and we would all be, like, highkey worried about you even if we only seemed lowkey worried about you or, like, not worried about you at all, and then you’d come out, like, four sizes bigger and be super mean to yourself for like another six months before you lost it all, and, like, none of us want to see that happen again, David. not because of the weight. because we care about you and we don’t want you to go through that again.” she sits back hard in her seat and punches the stereo dial. “also because you’re listening to Sarah what’s-her-name with all those sad puppy commercials and, like, that does not suggest a healthy mental state, David, ugh.” David lets that sink in for a few minutes. He smiles to himself. He lets Alexis change the music.

and when he and Patrick finally talk about it, David tells him that he really doesn’t need to worry, maybe gives him the rundown on the behaviors he actually SHOULD worry about if David ever starts exhibiting (which he can fact-check with Alexis, who’s apparently been keeping the score way more than David has given her credit for). he tells Patrick that it actually feels very freeing, letting himself get bigger and not policing what he eats anymore, and he’s never really been in a situation before where he felt secure and safe enough to be comfortable exploring that, and obviously he would love if Patrick wanted to sort of ... get involved, so to speak?? and even if it isn’t Patrick’s kink the way it’s David’s, Patrick is VERY down to love on David’s body and learn to appreciate it in the Extremely Specific ways David wants it appreciated. he can’t imagine a situation where more David would ever be a bad thing, so it’s super, super exciting to learn that not only does David agree, but plans to make sure that there’s going to be a lot more of him going forward now that they’re both on the same page.

(ALSO i’m really into the idea of David having been heavy before, but by circumstance rather than decision, and now taking this opportunity to explore being fat deliberately instead!! I threw some words together about it a while back and I’m gonna put them under a cut bc it does mention unwanted wg from meds and I’m not sure if that’s a trigger for anyone!)

Trim is relative, of course. He’s gained a whopping thirty-eight pounds since moving here a few years ago, and — it’s fine, he’s made his peace with it, he just likes things to be intentional, his body included. He’d mind those thirty-eight pounds much less if he had gained them by indulging himself, by enjoying treats he had chosen specifically for pleasure, rather than by stress-eating in his motel room.

He’s been heavy before — in his early twenties, he’d tried an antidepressant that hollowed out his appetite and added sixty pounds to his frame. He hadn’t stayed on it long, because it made him sick when he drank and he wasn’t in a place to give up drinking then, or even to cut back, but the weight had lingered for a good six months before he'd managed to shave it off with party drugs and an absolutely punishing workout regimen. It’s intentional, he told people when they asked about the weight, because they did ask and it always disarmed them. And although it wasn’t true, he’d let himself think sometimes about the possibility. He kind of liked being heavy. He kind of liked taking up space. He kind of liked jiggling. It made him feel like some sort of prince, indulgent and luxurious, the picture of wealth, and he thought that maybe he could have more-than-liked it, if it had just been something he’d chosen.

[fonulyn]

Just finished watching (bc I am a pussy and can't play horror games lmao) RE: Revelations 2 and I??? Love the Burton family so much??? And Claire???? A Goddess amongst men, we do not deserve her!!! I would also like to say; why tf are the Weskers like that? Like what the fuck? Jake is the only Wesker we like, so glad he never had to meet his dad or aunt lmao

Was disappointed that there was only one mention of Chris tho, but this ain't his game, so I get it lol anyways long story short we stan Barry and Moira Burton, I am In Love with Claire Redfield, and the Wesker family can rot in hell (aside from Jake, whom I love) ✨🤗✨

honestly, personally i find RE:Revelations2 to be the scariest game in the franchise :'D I tried playing it alone, chickened out, and now we're playing it with my brother so I still haven't seen all of it bc we're not finished! so, I don't know everything about it yet, but from what I do know, I gotta just agree with you! REV2 Claire is absolutely amazingly kickass, the Burtons deserve more screentime, and Jake is the only good apple among the Weskers :'D

[jettreno]

allow me to present @krogerss‘s and my masterpiece....the schitt’s creek umbrella academy au

reginald hargreeves, eccentric billionaire, adopted seven kids. they’ve been living off his money their whole lives (ooc i know but listen it’s an au), but when he dies the only thing he leaves them in his will is collective ownership of the tiny remote town of schitt’s creek. they all move into the motel (diego luther and five share one room, allison vanya ben and klaus the other. it’s cramped) shenanigans ensue

everyone’s a little ooc bc the very nature of the schitt’s creek universe is that everyone is at least a little bit of an asshole

there aren’t a lot of one-to-one equivalent characters, but here are some:

- lila is the stevie figure. she’s the one and only employee at the motel and has an antagonistic yet loving friendship/romance with diego

- hazel is the roland figure. he’s the mayor of the town. and like yeah he’s supportive enough of these new folks but hes also an asshole. five in particular can’t stand him

- the jocelyn figure is split between agnes and cha cha. that is to say, agnes is hazel’s wife, but cha cha teaches at the local high school

- raymond is the ted figure, sissy is the twyla figure, dave is the patrick figure

okay now for the hargreeves:

- this is the first time most of them have lived together in years and it’s. messy

- all of them except for five are in their late 20s. five is a teenager who until now was at a prestigious boarding school

- five: i have to go to PUBLIC SCHOOL? between the six of you you HAVE to be able to scrounge up enough brain cells to be able to home school me *realizes luther is the most educated of them and he would be five’s teacher* actually im good this will be an adventure for me

- yes cha cha is five’s teacher. this goes as well as you would expect

- speaking of luther, yeah he has a phd in astrophysics. when he first gets to schitt’s creek he very condescendingly introduces himself as “doctor hargreeves” to everyone but this backfires because everyone thinks hes a medical doctor and theyre really excited for him to open a practice in town. he has to backtrack and explain that no hes not that kind of doctor and theyre all like oh.....that’s kinda cringe :/

- he’s definitely the johnny figure, he’s the one who’s like “i have BUSINESS SENSE” but cant figure out anything that will actually make money

- allison is kinda like a cross between moira and alexis...she absolutely says “love that journey for me :)” to lila but she also absolutely does the herb erlinger commercial. shes an aspiring actress who’s done a fair amount of bit parts in things, like people might recognize her but they wouldnt know why. 

- a little bit allison.....that’s all im saying

- she directs cabaret 

- klaus is more of a david and alexis cross. before coming to schitt’s creek he was genuinely just here for a laff x. he spent most of his time getting high and traveling the world and he has a lot of very concerning anecdotes about his life that he mentions very casually. he opens the apothecary with dave but it’s much more like. an actual apothecary. herbs and crystals and shit. it’s a miracle it stays open. 

- diego’s goal previously was he was training for american ninja warrior. now hes like “might fuck around and become a private eye” but he’s not actually certified or affiliated with anyone so it’s more like he’s harassing people 

- ben and klaus at one point fake a robbery of the apothecary so that diego can solve it to try to boost his confidence. it doesn’t go as planned

- ben is an aspiring author. he’s been working on the same manuscript for years. none of his siblings think he’ll actually finish it. he’s had a lot of near death experiences that he, similar to klaus, talks about way too casually

- the jocelyn vs moira town council race but it’s allison vs ben. it’s a bloodbath. in the end though allison drops out and ben gets it

- vanya is critically reviewed violinist. she’s very quiet and very shy but her siblings always talk about her like shes some kind of badass? which confuses everyone in town. turns out when she was younger she pulled a mae borowski and nearly killed this kid named leonard who had been bullying her and everyone was like O_O she hasnt done anything like that since but her siblings have never let her live it down

- the beginning of the dead guy in room four episode except every time a sibling walks into the room and lila tells them theres a dead guy theyre like “did vanya do it”

other stuff:

- five diego and lila enter the motel business together. despite the fact that theyre all constantly at each other’s throats, and one of them is a literal teenager, it works. 

- the entire ted and alexis proposal plot but with raymond and allison like literally i dont want to change any of that

- the swedes are on the billboard. “don’t worry, they’re triplets!” 

- genuinely unsure where to put patch and jill in here but i want them here somewhere

- luther: you left without telling anyone where you were! vanya: i texted allison three days ago! everyone: ????? allison: ...god, it was ONE TEXT, vanya!

[thewinenotthelabel]

i love “new car” bc we get some good character milestones, i think.

we see david supporting stevie and (mostly) offering help without prompting. he even expresses some vulnerability by asking “that is what friends say to each other, right?”, confirming their friendship and his lack of experience. and then how well he handles getting out of the funeral home, redirecting, and comforting her over her existential crisis. it shows how much he cares and how well he knows her.

alexis and ted have some nice moments where they’re furthering their own platonic relationship. we see that she does already know some intimate details of his life, we see cute banter without flirtation, and we see them sharing personal secrets.

side note, alexis takes some of ted’s cookies for david after she samples one and decides they’re delicious. such a sweet and selfless sibling moment.

johnny and moira, of course, have to put their egos aside a bit to actually buy the car, though moira struggles more than johnny.

i also love jocelyn in this episode. finding rolands antics at the door funny, but also getting him to stop for johnny’s sake. the way she laughs as roland mentions strip-cribbage, not at all embarrassed, but a little amused at her husbands lack of tact.