#modern Nathan Hale

[screechingsandwichhologram]

FUCK. I JUST HAD A THOUGHT AND IT IS SO SO FUCKING LIKE. CANONICAL AND SHIT BUT I CANT SHARE BECAUSE ITS SO SO SO AWFUL

[askdaremorderndaynhht]

Intro

Hey Everyone!

Here is an ask blog dedicated to NHHT, also known as Nathan Hale's Hazardous Tales!

This won't be based on the books, but instead placed in Modern day.

People you can Ask/Dare (So Far):

Nathan Hale

Henry (Hangman)

Edward (Provost)

William "Billy" Richmond

Maggie Hibbins

Susan B. BeagleBeak (Eagle)

Vicente Guerreo

Pedro, Pablo, & Mark (Vicente's Firing Squad Friends)

I will add more as the story goes on.

In case anybody gets confused, here's the explanation for this AU:

In this Au, instead of being hanged, Nathan is killed by an assassin because of his whole "He get swallowed by Giant Magical History Book and now he can see the future" thing. So, then everybody (Henry, Edward, And Bily) gets sent to modern day to look for him, because when Nathan died, he was reincarnated and still kept the powers given to him by The Big Huge Book of American History. But it's not going to be easy, because per rule of reincarnation, Nathan lost his memories, and also Nathan's rival, Maggie Hibbins, is also looking for him for a reason kept secret. Not only that, but the evil organization also responsible for his death is looking for him so they can take his powers.

So yeah, it's going to be kind of complicated.

Anyways, hope you enjoy this blog!

[yr-martyr]

Hi Nat! Freya here. I saw you were doing art requests and wanted to put in my two cents. Could you draw any two characters you want snuggling in a bed. It doesn't have to be an AU but I think a modern AU would fit the concept. Other than that, go wild! Don't worry about straying from the prompt a little, I just wanna see some tooth rotting fluff.

Under the covers :)

Without the colors

Here u freya!!

[charlestownbound]

A general guide to the general's recommended reading list

George Washington's Indispensable Men by Arthur S. Lefkowitz

This book is one of my personal favorites, both for its contents and its prose. Centering on Washington's aide-de-camps, it sheds light on some of the most important yet forgotten men in the history of the American Revolution. It's a fantastic source for details on many key battles and peoples, and its extensive bibliography and notes section makes it a good book to use in order to find other sources.

George Washington's Secret Six by Brian Kilmeade and Don Yaeger, and Washington's Spies by Alexander Rose

These are for the Turn fans. Both these books detail the exploits of the little-known Culper Ring and detail the fascinating tale of early-war espionage and spying. At the time of the revolution, spying was traditionally done by a handfull of singly-operating, disconnected men whose reports would be compiled and checked against each other. With, among other things, the death of Nathan Hale, Washington was forced to reconsider this approach of intelligence gathering and institute history's first ring of interconnected spies. The Culper Ring's methods are still studied by the CIA in our modern day, making the study of the ring relevant to anyone with an interest in the war.

Valley Forge by Bob Drury and Tom Clavin

True to the title, this book focuses on the bleak winter spent at Valley Forge. While I take issue with some of the opinions expressed within the text (such as the authors being overtly homophobic about Alexander Hamilton and John Laurens' relationship), it is a good source for many things and includes a full chapter about the Baron von Steuben, whom without, the war wouldn't have seen its next year.

The Men Who Lost America by Andrew Jackson O'Shaughnessy

Rather uniquely, this book is centered on the British figureheads of the war! From King George himself to Lord Cornwallis to George Germain, this book goes in-depth on the military, naval, and political leaders of Britain during the war. This is the longest book on the list, be warned! It's a fantastic source for a British viewpoint, which I find sorely lacking in most books. Due to how dedicated O'Shaughnessy is to not leave any important general out, it's a great source on the Southern campaigns and calls to attention how critical they were to the overall war effort. Additionally, it goes into similar depth on the political climate of Britain, especially in its section on Lord North.

[knowltonsrangers]

What aesthetics would different amrev figures (Hamilton, Nate, lafayette, Ben, etc) have if they lived today (they probably wouldn't care but this is just for fun)

[a/n: this was fun to think ab!! I had to look up some aesthetics for this bc I immediately thought VSCO girl and I was like oop no not that…]

Alexander Hamilton, Nathan Hale, Marquis de Lafayette & Benjamin Tallmadge Headcanons

Alexander Hamilton

Monochromatic

•his dusty ass definitely would participate in a mono-colored theme.

•idk I can see him wearing browns, blacks, maybe some greys.

•definitely sweaters.

•would particularly love a good pair of overalls.

Nathan Hale

DARK ACADEMIA

•AS SOON as I saw this one I said that. that’s what I would picture a modern Nathan Hale wearing.

•I saw online that they draw from Greek art and literature.

•stole my heart.

•definitely sweaters, tweed, slacks.

•got ‘em.

Marquis de Lafayette

Cottage core ?

•I say maybe.. just because he could float in with monochrome too.

•some sweaters, some jeans.

•he definitely is the kinda dude to wear a collar under his sweaters/jumpers.

•I think he’d be into the sweet, soft stuff.

•for comfy reasons.

Benjamin Tallmadge

Streetwear

•a very basic form of this aesthetic.

•plaid, dark skinny jeans.

•basic

•but I think Ben would prioritize comfort when it came to his closet.

•just because he has a thing about textures and materials.

•stuff doesn’t match all the time, but that’s the fun of it!

[melpomeneprose]

CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE !!

Tagged by: myself.

Tagging: @withinycu, @adrienne-lafayette-official, @johngravessimcoe, @cavalrylad, @musenssang, @philip-hamilton-official, @sharp-teeth-and-wide-grins, @virgosjukebox. 💙

✧･ﾟ   𝐃𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄.

► BENJAMIN TALLMADGE.

Name: Benjamin Tallmadge.

Alias(es): Ben, Major Tallmadge, 2nd Continental Light Dragoon, Tall-boy, & Captain Tallmadge. “Beagle tilting his head.” (Creator of Washington’s spies tv).

“Beagle” “Washington’s hunting dog” (affectionate & derogatory, from both sides)

Gender: male (he/him).

Orientation: not your business.

(Bi, repressed and ashamed about it, but bi, in my personal portrayal and reading/headcanons, having read his memoirs & letters, but the truth is… as with Alexander Hamilton, we’ll never know). Age: 22-24.

Date of birth: February 25, 1754

Place of birth: Setauket or Brookhaven, Long Island, NYC.

For simplicity he’ll say, New York, sometimes.

Spoken language(s): English, Latin, trying really hard for French thus far not succeeding. Do code books count?

Occupation(s): soldier, spymaster, congressman, statesman. (au: lawyer) (modern verse: law student).

★  ⸻   APPEARANCE

Eye colour: blue, the kind you can drown in, it’s his most attractive feature, according to popular opinion.

Hair colour: dirty blonde.

Height: 6’0” (tall by 18th century standards).

Other: rarely ever seen out of uniform.

Has anxiety & PTSD, should probably touch grass. Deserves a hug and deserves better.

★  ⸻   FAVORITE

Colour: red, white, gold and blue, neutral black that suits everything or gray works to.

Song: Benjamin’s playlist.

Food: bread, salt, cheese, or fish.

Drink: brandy or wine.

★  ⸻   HAVE THEY...

Passed university: Yale college, top of his class!

Had sex: not your business.

Had sex in public: no.

Gotten pregnant/someone else pregnant: wants kids, but not that way, and not at this exact moment. Given the war.

Kissed a boy: no. (Yes) Nathan Hale.

Kissed a girl: yes.

Gotten tattoos: no.

Gotten piercings: no.

Been in love: he’s not sure if it counts, to be blunt, but for reason of answering, yes.

Stayed up 24+ hours: for the cause, yes.

★  ⸻   ARE THEY...

A virgin: not your business, also a construct society cruelly and hypocritically only applies to the fairer sex. (No).

A cuddler: yes.

A kisser: circumstantially.

Scared easily: most certainly not!

Jealous easily: yes!

Submissive: switch.

Dominant: none of your business.

In love: verse/thread dependant.

Relationship status: I am married to honour and the revolution until this is over. (Single).

★  ⸻   RANDOM QUESTIONS

TW for self-harm/suicide mention.

Have they harmed themselves: not unless you count accidentally falling in the Delaware river.

Thought of suicide/ideated: under the pressure of war, atrocities, violence and bloodshed. Yes. But rarely.

Attempted suicide: only if you count a Protestant martyr complex, as the son of a preacher it runs in the family.

Wanted to kill someone: side eyes Simcoe.

But he didn’t enjoy the killing in question.

Have/had a job: Washington’s staff.

Fears: death, abandonment, losing control, not being enough, losing the war, tyranny, his own capacity to help vs harm and the moral dilemma of mundane human existence and soldiering.

Sibling(s):

Samuel Tallmadge.

William Tallmadge.

John Tallmadge.

Isaac Tallmadge.

Parent(s): Susannah Tallmadge (née Smith)(deceased)/Rev. Samuel Tallmadge sr.

Children: verse/thread dependant.

Children In history:

Frederick A. Tallmadge

Maria Jones Tallmadge

William Smith Tallmadge

Harriet Tallmadge Delafield

Benjamin Tallmadge Jr.

Henry Tallmadge.

Significant other(s): Nathan Hale (deceased), Sarah Livingston (ex lover, kinda, sorta, it’s complicated & traumatizing).

Significant other(s) in history:

Mary Floyd (1784 to 1805).

Maria Hallet (1808 til death in 1835).

Pet(s): he should like to have a beagle, or grey hound, but, none presently.

Benjamin’s Wikipedia.

Benjamin’s memoir.

In canon: TURN.

Culper ring.

[theworstfoundingfathers]

Who is the worst? Round 1: Joseph Reed vs Nathan Hale

Joseph Reed (August 27, 1741 – March 5, 1785) was a Founding Father of the United States and a lawyer, military officer, and statesman of the American Revolutionary Era who lived the majority of his life in Pennsylvania. He served as a delegate to the Continental Congress and, while in Congress, signed the Articles of Confederation. He also served as President of Pennsylvania's Supreme Executive Council, during the American Revolutionary War, a position analogous to the modern office of Governor.

Whilst in Congress, he advocated for the seizure of Loyalist properties and treason charges for those aligned with Great Britain (Reed and his family then lived in a confiscated Loyalist home). In an overall sense, Congress regarded the Loyalist citizens in a more tolerant manner. After James Wilson defended 23 people accused of treason, a mob, stirred up by Reed's speeches and their own liquor consumption, attacked Wilson in what was to be later known as the "Battle of Fort Wilson"; only the arrival of cavalry saved Wilson and his friends. Following the cavalry's handling of the conflict, Reed pardoned and released the remaining rioters.

Pennsylvania went bankrupt in 1780 [under Reed's leadership] due to Constitutionalist policies which mandated state-controlled markets and self-imposed embargoes.

Nathan Hale (June 6, 1755 – September 22, 1776) was an American Patriot, soldier and spy for the Continental Army during the American Revolutionary War. He volunteered for an intelligence-gathering mission in New York City but was captured by the British and executed. Hale is considered an American hero and in 1985 was officially designated the state hero of Connecticut.

[factinhistory]

What Happened on September 22 in British History?

September 22 is a notable day in British history, marked by a range of significant events that have shaped the political, social, and cultural fabric of the nation. From important political developments such as the establishment of 10 Downing Street as the official residence of the British Prime Minister, to the execution of Nathan Hale during the American Revolutionary War, the date bears witness to pivotal moments in Britain’s history. Additionally, on this day, Queen Victoria reached a major milestone, becoming the longest-reigning monarch in British history at the time, a record only surpassed over a century later by her great-great-granddaughter, Queen Elizabeth II. Other significant events include the birth of Anne of Cleves, one of the lesser-known wives of Henry VIII, whose short marriage to the king had far-reaching political implications. These events collectively illustrate the rich and varied nature of British history, with each playing a role in the evolution of the nation’s political landscape, cultural identity, and global influence.

What Happened on September 22 in British History?

Sir Robert Walpole Moves into 10 Downing Street (1735)

On September 22, 1735, Sir Robert Walpole, who is often regarded as the first British Prime Minister, officially moved into 10 Downing Street, which has since become the official residence of British Prime Ministers. This moment in history signified the consolidation of executive power in the office of the Prime Minister, a development that would shape British politics for centuries to come. Walpole was gifted the residence by King George II, and his decision to accept the house as the seat of government marked a key shift in the British political system, where leadership became increasingly centralized.

Walpole’s tenure as Prime Minister, which spanned from 1721 to 1742, was one of the longest in British history, and his time in office laid much of the groundwork for modern parliamentary democracy in the United Kingdom. His leadership helped stabilize Britain during a time of economic difficulty, war, and political strife. By moving into 10 Downing Street, Walpole not only established the tradition of the Prime Minister’s residence but also symbolized the role’s increasing importance in shaping the governance of Britain. Today, 10 Downing Street is synonymous with the British government, serving as both a private residence and a working office for the nation’s political leadership.

Execution of Nathan Hale (1776)

On September 22, 1776, Nathan Hale, a young American officer, was executed by the British for espionage during the American Revolutionary War. Hale had been captured while on a mission to gather intelligence for the Continental Army in New York City, which was then under British control. His famous last words, “I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country,” have become a symbol of patriotism in the United States. For the British, Hale’s execution was a necessary action to maintain control over the colonies, which were increasingly rebellious.

This event occurred during a period of heightened tension between Britain and its American colonies. The British government, led by King George III, was determined to suppress the rebellion and maintain its colonial empire. Hale’s execution was just one of many instances in which the British sought to assert their authority and discourage further acts of resistance. However, the American Revolution continued to gather momentum, and Britain’s attempts to quell the uprising ultimately failed, resulting in the loss of its most valuable colonial possession in 1783.

Queen Victoria Becomes the Longest-Reigning Monarch (1896)

On September 22, 1896, Queen Victoria surpassed her grandfather, King George III, to become the longest-reigning monarch in British history. At the time, Victoria had reigned for 59 years, having ascended to the throne in 1837. Her reign, known as the Victorian Era, was marked by significant industrial, cultural, political, and military changes in Britain. Under her rule, the British Empire expanded to become the largest empire in history, and Victoria became a symbol of stability and continuity during a period of rapid change.

Victoria’s long reign saw Britain evolve into a modern industrial society, with advancements in science, technology, and infrastructure. The Victorian Era was also a time of significant social reform, including improvements in education, labor rights, and public health. Victoria herself became an iconic figure, known for her stoic demeanor and sense of duty. Her record as the longest-reigning monarch remained unchallenged until September 22, 2015, when her great-great-granddaughter, Queen Elizabeth II, surpassed her.

Birth of Anne of Cleves (1515)

On September 22, 1515, Anne of Cleves was born in Düsseldorf, Germany. She would later become the fourth wife of King Henry VIII of England, although her marriage to the king was short-lived and annulled after just six months in 1540. Anne’s marriage to Henry was politically motivated, intended to forge an alliance between England and the Duchy of Cleves in the face of threats from the Holy Roman Empire and France. However, Henry found Anne unattractive, famously declaring that he had been misled by her portrait.

Despite the annulment, Anne of Cleves fared better than most of Henry’s other wives. She was given a generous settlement, which included several estates and a palace, and was allowed to live in England as the “King’s Beloved Sister.” Unlike some of Henry’s other wives, Anne maintained a cordial relationship with the king and outlived him by a decade. Her story reflects the complex nature of court politics during the Tudor period and highlights the precarious position of women in positions of power during that time.

The Importance of September 22 in British History

The events of September 22 highlight the diverse and far-reaching impact of British history, from the establishment of political traditions to the influence of key figures in shaping the nation’s identity. The significance of the date stretches across centuries, touching on both domestic and international affairs. From the development of the role of Prime Minister to the execution of an American spy, these moments underscore Britain’s influence on global history, while also reflecting the internal dynamics that have shaped its political landscape.

Furthermore, Queen Victoria’s record-breaking reign and Anne of Cleves’ brief role as queen both offer insights into the monarchy’s evolving role in British society. Whether it’s the consolidation of political power in the 18th century, the conflicts of the American Revolution, or the personal and political intrigues of the Tudor court, September 22 serves as a reminder of the complexity and diversity of British history.

Conclusion

Through these varied events, September 22 stands out as a day of historical significance in Britain. These milestones illustrate the nation’s political evolution, its global engagements, and the lasting legacy of its monarchy. The legacy of individuals like Sir Robert Walpole and Queen Victoria continues to resonate in modern Britain, while the stories of figures like Nathan Hale and Anne of Cleves offer valuable perspectives on the broader historical context of Britain’s global influence.

[the-firebird69]

Oneway Lilman's bicycle stunts have won internet fame, but Haverford police aren't happy

Pushing it and pushing it and pushing the envelope and some people are saying I did and that's ridiculous. He'll be coming Soylent Green say I'm doing stuff is probably not the greatest and he said it to Bob Marsh and he's pseudo empire and he said what is the problem here since he has a giant attitude we are still something wrong he says look in battles in Vietnam the people who thought about what to do and how to do it they knew the geology the climate the people the weaponry what they're up against they have spies those are the ones who win battles whether it looks like it's something else and you know it in the Mac proper are doing weird s*** and nobody's keeping track of it at all and you have to do it on your own I found the simplest thing in my life as I found out I was from westborough I said what was westboro in the revolutionary war because someone said you're here on purpose in this town that's my duty and job to find out why so later in life I figured it out this place is full of history is Canton and it's part of the revolutionary war and my father-in-law when I lived in town over and it's very historical but this is repeating every year and I actually get money when my brother was grabbing stuff and I'm elected every April 14th as general and he said this is going to suck so it's it's a matter of what grabs you I cannot let go that I was put into the town where they plan to repeat the process and I was born in Lexington where it started they put me there too it's a plan to pregnancy how people know too in new back in the past I can easily tell them as you can hear but still it is wicked when you find out how hard your life really is and Bob March was silent for quite a while a few days he's looking at it and he's quiet came in one day so I gavely and said you're him and I'm someone who's important you said yes you're very sharp and I believe you're helping me and your Bob of the marsh it's Robert I believe of the marsh and he says you're famous for being able to survive in it and nobody can say he said in Florida and he started laughing and people are going it is fun as soon and they'll say they can do it and they can't so he's helping his people and it works and he's famous for helping you on occasion and it's working and then he said I'm really getting mad at him but he can't I can't help it now here's what's going on with the wall in the armor and he said it's not him at all it is open all this revolutionary war stuff up and it's working. He says Nathaniel Hawthorne is not Nathan Hale and people supposed to confuse it Nathaniel Hawthorne is the one who murdered Nathan Hale and he got him killed in the revolutionary war and changed with his position was and he says I'm in awe I saw the video and got a little sick and he will get sick from watching the video with Taylor Swift and he knows I went into the work of the window and the Taylor girls were in jail and they're saying about me and I know about the language I was really mad and I told the max to f*** off I don't have to do anything for real and I'm going to string them along and they didn't change their tone at all they just got more angry and you said good and he started working and really this is great.

Denver crazy you're going to stop posting this dumb s***. But you do have to tell people about the cops that they're watching this so I guess you're right it's just flowery article and boy has to make people angry too you don't need to write all that s*** you're not clever you're being stupid and the kids try to do stuff but you have to keep the razor off the road and people make tracks in their yard dirt and paved and it's fun some people get together with neighbors and they make tracks behind and find out that they use it at night to communicate and they actually patrol

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

[eastcoastpineapple]

Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: Treaties, Trenches, Mud, and Blood (Nathan Hale's Hazardous Tales - VERY GOOD.

[melpomeneprose]

Anyway…

I have news for anon.

Bi manifesto.

also! Not only is the funniest thing I’ve seen in my life. But the words “cis” “straight” and “heterosexual” were invented in 1892, to justify eugenics and Victorian colonial utilitarianism. The word bi became official lingo in 1890, “gay” and “lesbian” dates back to the ancient Greeks at least. If you read Lafayette’s letters, or Hamilton and Laurens’s, one though less so could also make a case for Nathan Hale and Benjamin Tallmadge. All historians queer or not will tell you, simply, our modern “I.D p.olitics” didn’t exist as we know them today. No historical figures before the 60s ever explicitly stated their queerness or their heterosexuality. They all thus, are in a grey area of interpretation, and as a bi-genderqueer denied representation of myself for too long. I have a skill of reading queer into everything. No, it’s not the only interpretation. But, to be blunt, 1/4 (estimating) of the founding fathers were probably queer. So… stay mad about it, anon.

*head patting Washington’s staff* look at all these bi dandies (affectionate).

Lafayette is not gay and plus, he's married.

k

[regretless-spy-and-culper-master]

Heyy how are you guys doing? How's life? Remember to drink water (that's for u too mod) <33

Ben: hello, we’re hanging in there, right Pythias?

Nathan: *half asleep* mm-hmm Damon…. Snuggle time. I’m sleepy… and I need you.

Ben: well, we’re apparently sleepy today but we are well overall. Especially considering everything that last week brought up for us… for Nathan…

Nathan: *whimpers softly and clings to Ben*

Ben: thank you for worrying about all of us and checking in.

Nathan: *nods* yes, thank you.

(Mod: thanks for checking in! We’re all drinking enough water. I hope you’re well too.)

[yr-martyr]

HEY GUYS:

IM SUPER BORED, SEND ME HEADCANONS OF A MODERN AU OR REINCARNATION AU AND ILL CONFRIRM OR DENY THEM!

If you don’t know I was a spy in my past life. America’s first and America’s worst! Nathan Hale at your service *bows dramatically*

[knowltonsrangers]

misc. headcanons

easily scared [Ensign Baker, John Adams, Robert Townsend, & Caleb Brewster]

hair [Nathan Hale, Benjamin Tallmadge, Caleb Brewster, George Washington, Marquis de Lafayette, Ensign Baker, & Alexander Hamilton]

modern aesthetics [Alexander Hamilton, Nathan Hale, Marquis de Lafayette, & Benjamin Tallmadge]

in enemy's hands [Benjamin Tallmadge, Marquis de Lafayette, & Caleb Brewster]

jealousy/unwanted attention [Nathan Hale, Benjamin Tallmadge, Marquis de Lafayette, Ensign Baker, Alexander Hamilton, George Washington, & Caleb Brewster]

zodiacs [Nathan Hale, Benjamin Tallmadge, Marquis de Lafayette, Alexander Hamilton, George Washington, Robert Townsend, Hercules Mulligan, John Adams, Sam Adams, Dr. Joseph Warren, Paul Revere, & John Hancock]

lovebug [Nathan Hale, Benjamin Tallmadge, Marquis de Lafayette, Ensign Baker, Alexander Hamilton, George Washington, Caleb Brewster, Robert Townsend, Hercules Mulligan, John Adams, Sam Adams, Dr. Joseph Warren, Paul Revere, & John Hancock]

a guide to stealing kisses [Nathan Hale, Benjamin Tallmadge, George Washington, Ensign Baker, Marquis de Lafayette, Caleb Brewster, & Robert Townsend]

Simcoe/Baker Headcanons

snow [various]

sick [various]

when you have your first fight [various]

Halloween [various]

pining [various]

unfinished/scrapped [various]

Starbucks orders [various, silly]

movie preferences

bad days

kisses [ part one , part two ]

spooky szn [various]

living with [Nathan Hale & Benjamin Tallmadge]

Playing Monopoly with [Benjamin Tallmadge, Caleb Brewster, and Nathan Hale]

living with [Benjamin Tallmadge & Caleb Brewster]

[regretless-spy-and-culper-master]

Ben: … I’m just going to Nope on outta here.

Nathan: I probably did something to deserve this.

Enoch: in fhe rare event I’m here I’ll add in my small panic and beg for mercy from the void.

(Oh come on guys. It’ll be okay…)

[vive-la-revolution]

almost.

a halemadge oneshot // highschool au

My arm is slung around Nathan’s shoulders, and he turns to me, a lopsided smile on his face that radiated with pure happiness. I can’t help but to return it; his glee is all but contagious.

I almost want to kiss him— after all, that’s what one does with their partner, right?

I remember when he asked me out almost a year ago: I’d gladly accepted it, after all, I had felt rather attached to him since freshman year (one might even be able to call it attraction), but I just… I don’t know. Something seemed off.

Nathan slips his arm around my back, curling up a little into me on the couch. It was our—what—almost ten-month anniversary since we got together? We’d decided just to hang out at his house and watch a movie, nothing particularly special.

I reach over with my free arm and pull a blanket up over him, smiling as Nathan does. The volume on the TV was down so much it was barely audible, and the near silence was somewhat uncomfortable.

“Are you okay?” Nathan asks suddenly. I feel his gaze on me and I look up, however refusing to look directly into his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been awfully quiet. I don’t think I’ve heard you say a word all evening.” I let him pull me closer.

I shrug. “I just… have a lot on my mind.” I say, which isn’t entirely a lie. Are they necessarily things I’d want to talk about with my boyfriend? Not particularly, but I’m sure I can cover for myself.

Nathan situates himself in a way that forces me to look at him. “Are you sure everything’s alright? Is there anything you want to talk about?” he asks, and I almost melt at the genuine concern in his voice.

I shake my head and tear my gaze away from his piercing blue iris. “No.” I murmur.

I feel nothing when he relaxes again, holding me close. I feel nothing when he plays with my too-long hair. Aren’t these things that usually evoke feelings of butterflies and heart-leaping in people? Why am I numb?

Is something wrong with me?

I sense my eyes threaten to prick with tears and I quickly blink them away. To my heavy relief, Nathan doesn’t seem to notice.

It just registers with me then that Nathan is no longer clinging me to him. Perhaps that’s an understatement.

He’s moved practically to the opposite end of the sofa.

How did I not notice?

I clear my throat. “Are… you okay?” I ask, resting my hand in between us. He doesn’t take it like he usually does.

He doesn’t respond for a long time, which worries me. Before I can say anything, though, Nathan quickly says my name.

“Ben?”

“Hm?” I glance up at him and—

“I love you.”

And that’s when it hits me.

I bite my lip to try to keep from crying, but it’s a vain attempt. Tears run down my face and it’s barely a second before I feel Nathan’s arms around me. I almost shrug him away.

But I don’t.

“Oh, Ben, darling,” Nathan says softly. “Don’t cry, I understand if you don’t-”

“I can’t.”

My voice is so quiet and raspy I barely realize I’d said anything.

Nathan hesitates a moment before responding. “What do you mean? If this is about your parents, I swear to God-”

“No, no, it’s not,” I interject again, “they’re fine with this. Us. Whatever. It’s just…”

“It’s just what?”

“Me. It’s just me.”

A sob racks my body and Nathan pulls my close to his chest, his hand in my hair as he whispers to me. “Shh, shh, it’s alright, it’s okay, I promise.”

And I hate myself. I hate myself for what I’m putting him through. He just said he loved me, for Christ’s sake! Who am I to disregard that by having a crying fit? I hate it.

“Ben, love-”

“Don’t call me that.”

I feel him nod against me. “Okay, I’m sorry, I didn’t think…”

I know he says more but I’m barely registering any of it. Under my breath, I just barely make out that I’m muttering “I can’t” over and over.

“You can’t what, darling?”

“I can’t love you like that!” I finally push myself over the edge. Away from Nathan. “I can’t love… anyone like that.” A pause. “And I’m sorry for ruining your confession but I can’t love you like that. I… don’t think I ever have. And I know I never will.” I look down, realizing how that might have sounded. “I don’t mean it like you’re a horrible person, Nathan, I love you. Just not in the way you wanted me to. And I’m sorry.” I’m so, so sorry.

God, I just want to run out of his house and never look in his direction again. I feel like I’ve done some terrible thing, and by all means I might have. Nathan is in love with me! And I…

“I think I’m aromantic, Nathan.” I whisper, staring at my hands.

“Oh,” he says on a breath. I almost think it’s a bad thing. “Oh, Ben, I wish you had told me sooner.”

Right, so you could have saved your first “I love you” for someone who actually wanted it.

I swallowed. “Why?” I ask, my voice shaking with the single word.

“Because I care more about your comfort than three words, okay? That’s what matters to me.”

I nod, a small smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. “Thank you.” I whisper.

Nathan comes a little closer. “Can I hug you?” he asked softly.

I nod again. “Yes.” I say, though his arms are already around me before I can get the word out. I put my arms around him and for the first time it feels… right. That’s all I can call it.

We cling for a moment as I calm down. When we release each other, my eyes are red and I can still feel faint tear lines down my cheeks, but I’m okay.

I’m okay.

Nathan wipes my eyes with the corner of the blanket and interlocks his fingers with mine. “Hey, no matter where we stand, I love you, alright?”

I smile. And I almost say it back.

Almost.