#model!dan (sort of)

[dan-whoell]

If the apology vid IS making reference to the watcher apology then that makes me slightly more confident that whatever they're doing isn't going to be putting their content behind a paywall like what happened with them lol

tbh i cant imagine them ever putting ALL of their content behind a paywall, one off things like the WAD watch party or recordings of both stage shows (i think?? idk i havent actually seen them bc of the aforementioned paywalls) like that i understand. but all of it? i dont see it happening. i also dont think they make enough content to warrant a streaming service or something, which was one of the big criticisms of watcher. they also know their audience, so they know it just wouldn't go over well.

so yeah i really wouldn't worry too much about a paywall, it seems extremely unlikely to me

[happy74827]

The Way You Kiss Me

[Travis "Trapper" Beasley x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: He’s called “Trapper” for a reason.

WC: 1443

Category: Fluff, Lime/Spice

I would say this is a fan service… but, truthfully, I couldn’t help myself. This is a service to myself LMFAO (enjoy the gif of Dan in The Guest since GxK is still fresh in theaters. I cannot wait for this movie to come out in hd quality 🤭)

『••✎••』

Trapper was a bit of a wildcard, in your opinion. You'd known him since your teenage years and had been the one to give him his name. He'd always been a bit of a recluse, even back then. The man was more comfortable around animals than he was with people. The compassion he had for the four-legged beasts was something you had always admired. It was his love of nature and the wild that had drawn you in; you'd never been able to pinpoint why.

That had been over ten years ago, but it felt like no time had passed. You had gone to school, became what you always dreamed of, and moved back to your hometown.

And, of course, it was only inevitable that Trapper would have trapped you.

It hadn't happened right away.

No, it had started slow, like a creeping fog. You didn't even notice it until you found yourself missing the smell of his cologne and his walkman that he still carried around everywhere.

“Yeah, luv, not everywhere's got Wi-Fi, you know?” He would always say, and the thick Australian accent would make your heart flutter.

He was kind, gentle, and a bit goofy. He could sing like a dream (not really, he was quite awful) and was the best vet in the whole world, or at least in your mind. He was utterly perfect on the inside.

And the outside? Well, a pure accident had gotten you two together.

You'd gone into his office, just like every other time, to borrow another of his rare records. Usually, he was there to let you in, but when he wasn't, you were thankful he kept a spare key under the mat.

The office had been quiet, and as you walked through the small space, you frowned, knowing that he never missed a day, even when he was sick.

Turns out your suspicion was right.

His water got cut off, so he swung by the office to shower, and well, you'd gotten to him before he'd managed to change. So, there you were, in your scrubs and lab coat, walking in on him fresh from a shower, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.

It had been an awkward encounter, to say the least.

Trapper was not a big guy. Sure, he had broad shoulders and was decently strong, but his height was on the shorter side, and his muscles were more toned than they were bulky. He was handsome in his own way, and that was one thing you'd always liked. He didn't look like a bodybuilder or some sort of model. He looked like a normal man.

But the moment you saw him standing there, dripping wet and looking a bit shocked, it was like a switch flipped. Your knees felt weak, and the butterflies that had made their homes in your stomach started flapping their wings, making you feel all flustered and a bit embarrassed.

It made it worse when you realized he had his Walkman hanging around his neck. Dude couldn’t even make it a day without his favorite tunes.

And the fact that you had his favorite record clutched in your arms wasn’t helping.

You were the first to speak.

"S-Sorry, I didn't mean to barge in like this; I was just-."

He cut you off.

"Ah, yeah, forgot to call, didn't I? Water got shut off this morning, thought I'd shower here." He looked around. "Sorry 'bout the mess. Didn't know you were coming by today."

The towel was slipping. You could see his hip bones. You tried to look away, but you couldn't help it. He had such a nice body, and you'd never even noticed it until then.

You shook your head.

"It's fine. I, um, was just looking for one of your records; I didn't mean to."

He raised his hands.

“Settle down, sweetheart, don't get yourself worked up. No harm done."

It was only then that he seemed to realize what was happening. His eyes widened slightly.

"Oh. Sorry, I can just..."

"No, no, it's fine. Go ahead."

It was then that he noticed the album you had clutched to your chest. A smile spread across his face, and he gave you a knowing look.

"Fleetwood Mac… again? How many times is this now? Four?"

You flushed.

"I told you, they're my favorite."

He smiled and shook his head.

"You're lucky I don’t mind sharing. Come on, let's see which one it is."

As he took the album from you, his hand brushed yours, and you couldn't help the jolt that went up your arm.

He didn't seem to notice, thankfully, and instead flipped open the case.

"Ah, Rumours. My personal favorite."

Your heart was racing. You could hear your blood in your ears, and all you could think about was how good he looked in a towel.

He looked up and met your gaze. His lips twitched upwards.

"Welp,” He closed the case and handed it back to you. “Go ahead. It's all yours."

He stepped past you and walked to his office, leaving a trail of water behind him. You stood there, unable to move, just staring after him, the record still held tight to your chest.

"Hey, Traps?" You called.

He appeared in the doorway.

"Yeah?"

"What’re you listening to?"

He grinned and held up his Walkman.

“Toto. I was feeling a bit… nostalgic."

You couldn't help the laugh that came from your lips.

"Of course you are."

His grin was contagious, and he disappeared back into his office, leaving you standing there, feeling like a teenage girl with her first crush. Except the crush didn’t stay a crush for long.

You forget what happened initially, but one minute, you were holding the record out in the hallway; the next minute, you were on the couch in his office, the record discarded on the floor, and his lips were on yours.

You weren’t really sure who had kissed who first, but you had been surprised at his actions, and he had pulled away quickly.

The break was short-lived, and the next thing you knew, you were both making out, his freshly picked out plaid pullover discarded somewhere, and your hands buried in his hair, tugging at the ashy blonde locks as he peppered kisses all along your neck.

His skin was soft, and you could tell he put lotion on. His hair smelled like the shampoo he used, and his breath smelled like coffee and mint.

He had a bit of scruff on his cheeks, and you could feel the hairs brush against your skin. Ticklish, but in a good way.

He had strong hands, and they were running along your sides, pulling your hips against his, and the pressure was enough to make you moan into his mouth.

Nothing further had happened that day. It was his workplace, after all. It's one of the things he actually took seriously. But that didn’t stop you two from doing things in his office on the weekends.

Like now, for instance.

He had you pressed up against the door, his mouth working along your jaw and down your neck, his hands running over your back.

Your head was swimming. You couldn’t think straight. The only thing you could process was him: his touch, his smell, his voice.

You felt him push a leg between yours, and you ground yourself against him.

The groan that rumbled in his chest had you shivering, and you reached for him, fingers grabbing for purchase on his shirt.

He was a sight to behold. Hair mussed from your fingers, lips red and swollen, eyes darkened by lust.

His Walkman was never too far, and as his lips moved back up to meet yours, his hands were fiddling with the buttons. Honestly, it was a miracle he could still find the music while being preoccupied.

The sounds of the first few notes of the song had you smiling.

He pulled away and grinned, eyes sparkling with amusement.

"A fan of this one?"

You didn't answer.

Instead, you took his hand and twirled him, pulling him against you, chests pressed together.

His laughter rang in your ears, and the next thing you knew, you were swaying back and forth, cheek resting against his chest, his chin resting atop your head.

For a little while, you forgot about everything: no work, no big apes or lizards, no giant monsters or crazy scientists.

There was no need for them. Not now.

You were trapped in his arms, and you had no plans of breaking free.

[antimatterz]

how to get a boyfriend 101

dan heng x gn!reader

summary: your crush on dan heng is getting out of hand. to take matters into your own hands, you order your own copy of the popular book how to get a boyfriend 101. that should just do the trick, right?

cw: humor, fluff, friends to lovers, modern au

content under the cut | masterlist

"are you sure this is going to work?" march asked hesitantly, looking slightly worried as you held your new book as if it was the holy bible itself.

you nodded vigorously. this was it, your solace to all your problems. the much-praised book how to get a boyfriend 101. it was immensely popular for a reason, right? it was bound to let you succeed.

okay, you weren't all that convinced, but you would continue this act until you came to believe yourself as much as you pretended to do. and hey, right now your massive crush on your classmate was just existing. you weren't doing anything about it, which had to change. it wouldn't hurt to use the help of a book, would it? you couldn't figure it out on your own and you weren't sure if march's advice really suited you – you lacked the courage to be direct.

"this book is going to be my savior," you proclaimed. "watch me, dan heng will be head over heels for me soon."

"if you say so," your best friend mumbled, obviously doubtful of the entire ordeal. "i don't get why you don't just tell him. he's been our friend for ages."

"i'm not brave enough to do that," you shook your head. "i'm doing it more discreetly, following the advices in this book."

march gave in with a sigh. it was pretty clear she wouldn't be able to change your mind. you were dead set on following the path brought to you by the book, and there was only one way to find out how this would end. you flipped it open, skipping the introduction pages and going straight towards the tips. the minutes following were filled with ohs and ahs as you let your eyes wander over the pages, diligently taking in all the information.

"this is gonna be easy," you concluded. "it's as clear as night and day. all i have to do is follow these simple steps and... and... you get the gist."

today was sunday, and tomorrow would not only be the start of a new week of school, but it would also be the beginning of your big project. you were brimming with confidence and excitement, and more than ready to make dan heng fall for you.

but it wasn't all that easy.

the next day, you found yourself hiding behind the door of your locker with the book in your hands. you were doing some sort of final revision, all while playing countless scenarios in your head. most of them went well, but the ones that went utterly wrong made you incredibly nervous.

"it's not too late to back out," march remarked casually.

but you shook your head. you weren't going to back out. if any, you were going for it. your silly crush on dan heng had lasted long enough, it was time to do something about it.

"dan heng incoming at two o'clock," march whispered, before she patted your shoulder and mingled with the crowd in the hallways. it was clear that she had no desire to witness what was about to happen.

you felt a rush of panic as you looked up, only to find dan heng approaching his locker – that was conveniently next to yours. he was effortlessly handsome in his school uniform, wearing it like a model on the runway. his raven hair was slightly messy and his grey eyes serious as he was nearing you. quickly, you hid the book in your locker and slammed the door shut.

"h-hi, dan heng," you greeted him. you smiled awkwardly, making it painfully obvious that you were likely up to something.

"y/n," he greeted you back, expression stoic.

mentally you were swooning, but you scolded yourself and tried to remember any of the tips you revised not even a minute ago. uhm, what was it again? your mind had turned into jelly the moment you saw dan heng, and you forgot all the things the book had tried to teach you.

the male was rummaging through his locker, and it wouldn't be long until he had gathered his books and would leave his locker. you had to act now.

1. show interest in his life.

it shot through your mind right on time, as dan heng was about to leave. you grabbed the sleeve of his uniform blazer in a rush, and he gave you a confused look. suddenly you realized what you were doing, and quickly let go. a mad blush crept up your cheeks, and you apologized profusely.

"i'm sorry," you piped. "i just wanted to ask how your weekend has been?"

dan heng straightened his sleeve, looking a little lost after your completely random question. but then he flicked your forehead softly, shaking his head.

"we literally hung out this saturday," he replied.

"i know, i know," you quickly said. "i'm talking about the rest of your weekend. you know, the part where we didn't see each other."

"you know, homework and stuff," he shrugged. "class starts in five minutes, so i have to go. you should hurry, too."

with those words he walked off, leaving you standing there. your mind ran over the past minute, and you wondered, did that count as a success or as a failure? you had no idea, but dan heng was right. you had to hurry if you wanted to make it in time.

2. be around him

"what if he thinks you're stalking him?" march asked skeptically. she handed you the book and folded her arms. "this doesn't sound like a great idea."

you hesitated. what if your best friend was right? you didn't want to creep him out or make him uncomfortable, nor did you want to scare him off and chase him away. what if he would think of you as a total weirdo? this step was a little unclear and risky, you realized.

"i'll just be subtle about it," you promised, even though it was directed more to yourself than to march.

and so you did – or tried, at least.

you sat a little closer to him during your lunch break, barely noticable but enough to have your heart working double hours. you made sure to say hi to him every time you ran into him in the hallways between classes, and whenever the two of you shared a class you secured the seat next to him. it was not good for your poor heart, but it had to be done. you even accompanied him on his way home, even though you lived in the opposite direction – which earned you a confused look from the male, but alas.

3. dress to impress

well, that one stressed you out quite a bit. on school days there wasn't much you could do, since it was very limited what you could do when it was required to wear uniforms. but now the weekend rolled around again, and you forced your best friend to come over to help you pick out clothes for a so-called study date in the library with the one and only dan heng. you did that quite often, but today was different, you knew it.

"what about this?" march suggested, taking your favorite shirt from your closet. she tossed it over to you, and you held it up in front of you. no, that was not it. dan heng had seen you wearing it so often already, how was it supposed to impress him?

"i want to try something new," you stated, diving into a section of your wardrobe that held a wide array of untouched clothes. there was a reason you didn't wear them, as you realized when you took them out of the closet.

but desperate times called for desperate measurements. you just had to suck it up and wear them. hesitantly, you combined a few items that looked decent together and tried them on. oh, you felt weird in what you were wearing, but still showed it to your best friend.

much to your surprise, march showed a hint of enthusiasm for the first time since you started your project. she gave you a thumbs-up.

"that looks awesome, y/n!" she chimed.

her excitement brought you a little confidence, and thus you went out wearing your new outfit. when you met with dan heng outside of the library, his eyes widened slightly as his gaze landed on you. he took in your appearance, as if he had to do a double-take. was that a good sign? you had no idea.

for what remained of your study date, his eyes were on you more often than on his textbook. you felt awfully self-aware because of that, and you too couldn't focus on your work. it was a very unproductive afternoon, but at least you grabbed his attention, right?

later that day, when you called march to update her on how it went, she wasn't too sure what it meant, either. both of you agreed that it wasn't like dan heng to stare so obviously, but whether it was a good or bad sigh? neither of you knew.

4. show your sexy side.

"i have an amazing idea," you exclaimed, fanning your cheeks as embarrassment flared them.

"oh god, what is it," march asked, nervous to hear what you had in mind regarding this particular step.

"let's skip this one," you firmly said, and your best friend exhaled in relief.

5. hold eye contact for a few seconds longer

"can we skip this one too?" you pleaded, but march resolutely shook her head.

"this one actually sounds like it makes sense," she reasoned. "hold his gaze, magically convey your feelings, stare into his beautiful, dreamy orbs."

you pretended to gag as she spoke those last words, but didn't go against it. just, how were you going to survive that without combusting on the spot? you weren't sure if you could handle this particular step. heck, you already went up in flames when dan heng shot you a simple look. there was no way you could successfully do this.

yet, you tried.

you sat opposite of him during lunch break, and you felt the weight of the book in your bag. it was taunting you, and you gave in.

dan heng mentioned something about your english homework, and you just so happened to catch his gaze.

hold it, hold it, you told yourself. your silently looked into his grey irises, and it wasn't the first time you realized how beautiful his eyes were. quiet, solemn, full of mystery. you found yourself getting lost in them, but dan heng didn't look away, either. only when you were a minute into it, you shot awake, realizing you were overdoing it. a few seconds longer, the book told you. heck, you basically engaged in a staring competition with him.

heat rose to your cheeks and you quickly averted your gaze. from the corner of your eyes you found dan heng looking at you weirdly, and march pinched the bridge of her nose.

you should've skipped this step.

6. remember what he shares.

"so this basically means i have to remember what he talks about, right?" you mused, closing the book. easy peasy, you already did. your brain had a special slot for things dan heng told you.

that day you caught him in the hallway as he made his way to your usual lunch break spot. you greeted him with a smile, and he acknowledged your presence with a curt nodm

you racked your brain, trying to think of anything dan heng mentioned in the past few weeks. thing is, he doesn't share a lot, so the memories were sparce. a weird silence hung between the two of you, filled with only the chatters of the students around you. but then you remembered something, and you lit up.

"how did your family dog's surgery go?" you asked.

dan heng shot you a look of surprise.

"you remembered?" he reacted, taken-aback. then his expression lightened. "it went well, he's all better now. it was a minor surgery, but i was quite nervous regardless."

"of course i remembered," you chimed. "i'm glad to hear that, give him some belly rubs from me when you get home, okay?"

the beginning of a smile formed on his lips, as he gave you a nod.

"will do."

you smiled back, though it held a different reason. that actually went well! wait, this was the first step you didn't mess up, wasn't it? you knew this book would come in handy!

7. touch him.

"uhm, what?" you questioned with a frown.

"not like that, silly," march laughed. "just, touch his shoulder, place a hand on his arm when you laugh at his jokes. stuff like that."

"dan heng doesn't make jokes," you reminded your best friend.

"you get what i mean, though," the girl said. "it means that you have to show very small, almost invisible signs of affection to let him know you're interested in him."

"but i don't want him to know!" you countered.

"then what's the whole point of this?" march asked, giving you a dumbfounded look. "isn't the idea that he catches onto your feelings and makes a move?"

"i mean, yes, but–" you began.

"don't chicken out, y/n," your best friend encourages you. "you've spent money on this book and you already came this far."

"you're right," you sighed.

and thus, you followed this step, too.

you started off hesitantly, fingertips grazing the air without any conviction of actually touching him. but that wouldn't make the cut, you knew that very well. so you stepped up your game. you placed a hand on his shoulder as you tried to catch up with him in the hallways, you occasionally touched his arm to draw his eyes towards you in a conversation, you sometimes let your hands touch accidentally in the most cunning ways. the longer it went on, the better you became. you were actually kind of proud of yourself. and the best part? dan heng never moved away from your touch!

8. be yourself.

that was probably the most complicated one so far. sure, it sounded easy enough, but what exactly did you have to do? yes, be yourself, but what was that?

you stared at the text on the page, but it didn't really clear up the issue. frankly, you had no idea what to do when the book told you to be yourself. what exactly was being yourself? you were seriously puzzled.

"hi y/n, what are you reading?" a voice called out to you from behind. much to your horror, it was a voice that was all too familiar, and never before did you shut a book so rapidly.

sadly, closing the book revealed the front of the cover, which had the book's title on full display. you realized your mistake too late, and by the time you noticed, dan heng had already read the words.

"how to get a boyfriend one-o-one?" he said aloud, raising a brow. he gazed at you intently, as if he tried to figure out what was going on inside your mind. "can i see?"

you were obviously panic-stricken, that much wasn't hard to see. and dan heng, on his turn, was obviously suspicious of your behavior and the book you were reading.

it was pointless to hide the book behind your back and pretend nothing was there. so you gave in, handing the book to the male while you tried not to perish on the spot. you quickly averted your gaze, staring somewhere far away from the situation while you scolded yourself for reading this stupid book at school. why did you do that?!

you heard the sound of pages rustling, and you wanted nothing but to evaporate and disappear. you weren't ready for this. he would be so weirded out, he would judge you so hard. oh, you royally screwed up, and you weren't sure if this could be fixed.

"so this is why you've been acting so strange lately," the male remarked. "you were following instructions from a book that would get you a boyfriend. on me."

"i-i can explain," you stuttered. man, you felt embarrassed to the core. now you had to confess your feelings in the worst way possible. while you had tried to be subtle, you blew your own cover.

"you don't need to explain anything," dan heng shook his head as he took a seat next to you. "look, y/n, you don't need the help of a book to get my attention. you were doing perfectly fine on your own."

you were wallowing in self-pity and barely comprehended the words he spoke. by the time the meaning dawned upon you, a good minute had passed. you gazed up, finally mustering the courage to look at him directly. did that mean...?

as if he could read your mind, dan heng nodded.

"i've started liking you way before you started using tips from that book," he confessed, a smile appearing on his lips. "though, i must say it was very entertaining to see you act like that."

this wasn't how you expected things to go, but god, you weren't complaining. your heart was soaring in your chest upon his words. well, the book kind of still worked, right? because dan heng saw what you were scheming, he chose to confess his feelings to you.

your crush confessed his feelings to you!

"couldn't you have told me before i started acting like a fool?" you laughed sheepishly, even though you had no regrets. after all, it had been sort of fun in a way. it surely came with a lot of humor, and apparently, dan heng had found it entertaining just as much.

minutes ago, you had failed to understand what exactly the book meant by being yourself, but now you realized you had been doing exactly that all along before you started following the book. dan heng liked you for you, and wasn't that the greatest thing ever?

[sdfgderp]

a/n: i personally believe dan heng is capable of not shutting up if he's talking about a special interest, like planes or stoichiometry or fuck even differential calculus, but i'm too dumb to write that basic calculus is already too much </3 i feel like he's the type to lecture his s/o or a friend about physics all of a sudden ANYWAY here's my take on that!!! i find these kind of dudes cute tbh

dan heng x gn! reader as always xoxo

cw: infodumping, sort of smart reader, reader is smitten, dan heng notices none of this, pining

—

"...so, this one goes here and you distribute this one, resulting in a balanced equation."

dan heng scribbles away in a sheet of paper, spinning the pencil he was holding. "but personally, i think this other way to balance this equation is better when you consider the materials available. this other one..."

dan heng's finger travels across the page, pointing at an equation written with a pencil. his words wrap around your head. he does make sense. yes he did, his explanation was something you knew about. in fact, you wrote the equation he was glazing over. you didn't have the heart to point that out, he was happily explaining his amazement.

"...imagine this equation considered in making this chemical. not only would it lessen the need for heat, we could use this substance as a catalyst instead."

"mhm."

dan heng pauses to look at you before going on into another ramble.

"speaking of which, earth aircrafts such as the..."

now you've lost him. this was a topic beyond you. did that stop you from listening? no. his voice kept you. you nodded every time he stopped, trying your best to comprehend what he rambled on about. dan heng wasn’t entirely boring, in fact, the topics he talks about are very interesting. usually, if welt had some stuff to do, he turned to you to ask for your opinions on a topic he’s interested in. aeons, a planet’s machinery, the calendar of a civilization on a planet near its star, anything he could tell welt fell on you.

“…see here. the plane’s front is similar to a creature in that planet known for its speed, which is similar to this train they have on this planet…”

in and out his words ran through your head. some words flew in, some facts flew right out as they entered. if it weren’t for how cute he looked despite his normally deadpan face, you wouldn’t have been distracted. if not for his face softening from his usual stare, the plane models he spewed out could’ve stuck to your head. curious, you wonder what he puts on his lips to be that smooth…

…

why are you distracted?

“hm? is there something on my mouth?”

you snap out of it and see dan heng’s eyes looking into yours. he looks… very different— his eyes look different. the usual bored teal eyes held enthusiasm, telling you how much he likes talking about whatever he’s talking about. nothing’s changed about his face, but whatever expression he showed with his eyes, it changed it tremendously. so much, your nails dug marks into your palm, containing the cuteness aggression you held for him at the moment. at this point, you wanted to tackle him down and bite his cheek.

“no, just curious,” you answer. “do you drink a lot of water?” now why did you just say that, you completely snitched on yourself you were looking at his lips…

“no, just the normal amount.” dan heng tilts his head a little, wondering why you asked that. he seemed to have caught on to your hint, although not in the way you wanted thought it to be. “i put on a thin layer of lip balm on my lips at night though, especially when we go to colder planets. why, do you want to have one? we could have bought more at penacony.”

“oh, no need, i have my own,” you assure him. dan heng stares at you, suspicious, before letting the topic go and going off with his explanation.

“…okay. so, as i was saying earlier, the design makes it easier to cut through wind resistance…”

you give yourself a pat on the back for dissolving the issue. you did like dan heng, yes. you liked dan heng that way too, yes. maybe it was cowardice, maybe it was the thought of making it awkward, you never showed it outright. hopefully it seems that way for him too. your affection lies hidden so he’d be able to grace paragraphs of his opinions on you whenever he felt like it. though you wish that someday, he’ll catch on to why you always hear him out. not because you’re curious (well you are curious on what he’ll say, he’s quite knowledgeable), but because seeing him look happy talking about a topic he likes stirs your heart. that because dan heng stirs your heart.

dan heng keeps talking about planes… i should give him the magazine i have from earth someday, you thought, your head already skipping months ahead while dan heng continues to talk your ear off.

“…which explains this physics formula…”

[bakurapika]

I feel kind of silly for having only just realized that a big part of why Dipper is so excited to be around Ford 24/7 is that Dipper's main character flaw (as explored in episodes, not like my opinion of him) involves struggling with masculinity. Like, wanting to be taken seriously by Stan and in general (because he's seen by himself and others as a weakling - see the fight with Robbie, the pancake test), wanting to be treated like an adult (his insecurity about his voice, his kitten sneezes, any time he tries to talk about the mysteries of GF, the Pioneer Day adventure connecting conspiracies = Serious and not silly), wanting to get with Wendy (helpfully explained in-text as explicitly about his age, which Dipper internalizes - see that bit with the flowers in Mabeland), him wanting to be technically-a-teen (Summerween, but also referenced at their birthday party) and I'm sure I'm missing more.

All of these issues are things that Dipper identifies as connected to his manhood or lack thereof. Maturity, masculinity, becoming a teenager, getting respect, are all sort of equivalent for him.

Stan has been a (questionably lol) positive male role model for him throughout the summer, but also defines manliness in terms of conflict. Dipper's learned from this (left hook, Stan saying he was manly by standing up to the manotaurs) but has more often been isolated by it (often references Stan and Mabel both making fun of him for nerdy shit).

So Ford suddenly being there - he's not just The Fixation Point of Dipper's special interest, but is easily the manliest dude on the show (other than Manly Dan). Deep voice, commanding presence, always seems to know what's going on, goes adventuring on the daily. But he's also, in personality and in his interests, so much like Dipper.

So I think I need to start interpreting Dipper's relationship with Ford at least partially in the context of "this is the first time I have seen my traits reflected so positively in a male role model," where Ford isn't masculine in spite of his nerd shit but because of it.

[novelmonger]

I wasn't expecting it to take this long, but after a million distractions, I'm back to going through the LotR audio commentaries and taking note of any interesting tidbits I haven't heard before.

Please enjoy my notes on the RotK design team commentary with Richard Taylor, Tania Rodger, Grant Major, Alan Lee, John Howe, Dan Hennah, and Chris Hennah:

They had to make Deagol's ears out of waterproof gelatin rather than latex because he was going to fall in the water, and the normal latex ears would have come off. I guess they must have done the same any other time a Hobbit got submerged, but they didn't say that.

The fish that Gollum eats at the beginning is made from some kind of edible gelatin so he could actually bite into it. They also had another prop fish that wasn't edible that they gave Andy Serkis to keep at the end XD

The little stone hollow thing where Frodo and Sam are sleeping for their first scene in the movie was a set they built with a removable back wall so they could get a camera in to shoot it from the back as well as the front. Why did I never think of that before?

There were a couple of extra shots they needed of Orthanc in the background to finish up the movie, but they hadn't managed to get the footage from the miniatures (and I guess the miniatures were gone by that point? idk). So they took one of the model collectibles Weta had made and took some photos of it out in the parking lot XD

Whoooooaaaa! Okay, so Alan Lee talks about how, in legends, they say that you have to kill a wizard three times for him to stay dead. And Saruman dies "three times" - first he's stabbed, then he's impaled, then he's drowned. So Saruman is dead dead. Dare I say it? This is...I think this is a better death than the one in the book ._.

They even put carvings on the crossbeams underneath the seats of the chairs in Edoras! You are never ever going to see them, but that was their dedication to making everything feel authentic. That's what sets this apart from so many fantasy movies and shows made these days.

Red in the costumes is meant to suggest royalty. That's why Aragorn, Boromir, Theoden, and Theodred all have red in their costumes - as well as Bilbo and Frodo! You're meant to look at someone wearing red and unconsciously think, "there's something regal about them."

John Howe points out that you probably wouldn't ever reforge a sword like they do with Narsil, at least not in the sense of putting the pieces back together, because it wouldn't be as strong as it was originally. (You could melt it down and start over again, of course.) But, he reminds us, these are the Elves, and it's more of a symbolic thing anyway.

The great hall in Minas Tirith was inspired by Charlemagne's chapel (and Byzantine architecture was one of the main influences on the design of Gondor in general).

The statue of the king in Ithilien was made out of polystyrene, which you would think would be pretty light, but it was so huge it was actually very heavy. They had to transport it to the location in three pieces: the base, the body, and the head. And to lift one on top of each other, they had to rig a sort of pulley system over the limb of a tree, using a four-wheel drive truck to pull it. But they discovered that the first truck wasn't getting enough traction, so they hooked a second truck up to it, and ended up pulling the first truck up into the air along with the statue!

They created fourteen new weapons just to put in the background of the armory in the scene where the Witch-King is getting ready for battle @_@

John Howe said that his inspiration for Minas Morgul was...getting his wisdom teeth pulled??? He describes a metal clamp digging into the perfectly healthy enamel of his tooth to pull it out, and draws a parallel to the metal pieces the orcs fitted to the top of the pristine white parapets, staining and violating them. Um...thanks, I could've done without that visual, John.

I can't believe I never thought about this before, but there's a little wooden roof over the pile of wood for the beacon that Pippin lights. The reasoning behind that is you need some kind of cover to keep the wood more or less dry for when it needs to be lit in an emergency. The beacon will burn away the wooden roof, but it can be replaced easily enough, and it's worth it to be able to quickly light the beacon.

A lot of the saddles they used were ordered from the Indian military, because they had a good, old-fashioned sort of look to them. Then they would add onto the saddles with things that would make them look distinctly Rohirric, rather than Indian.

Alan Lee's daughter worked on some of the figures in the doors of Minas Tirith!

John Howe goes off on this whole tangent about how there's no religion or religious structures in Middle-Earth, and why that might be, but the whole time I was just sitting there going, "...have you never read The Silmarillion????"

Because they had to make over a hundred suits of Gondorian armor, other than the hero suits, they couldn't make each one exactly the right size for the man who would wear it, so the casting department had to only get actors within a certain range of size. They also built the suits of armor with sliding pieces, so they could be somewhat fitted to different sizes.

The horses started out as being part of the art department's responsibility, but as time went on, there were just so many horses they had to keep track of (and the various liveries they would have to be fitted out with) that they had to make a separate horse department to oversee it all.

Because so much of the movie was filmed on-location, in some very remote locations, they had to make a sort of caravan of mobile repair stations that they could take with them. They had all the tools and crew necessary on hand wherever they went so they could repair broken props or ripped costumes, reapply makeup for gore and injuries, take nicks out of the edge of weapons.... It was really like moving an army around!

For the dream where the Evenstar breaks, they made a version of it that was five times bigger than normal, out of a very brittle resin. Then they made an oversized section of the floor and dropped it from a great height so it would completely shatter in a dramatic way like that.

Anduril was John Howe's design. He based it on a sword belonging to a friend of his in Germany, which to him is the ideal sword, the most beautiful sword. He also talked a bit about how Men were taller and bigger in the First and Second Ages, so their swords would have been longer.

John Howe: "Why do people criticize Tolkien for not developing his characters sufficiently? I cannot fathom that kind of criticism. I think it's done by people who don't read between the lines."

Richard Taylor said they had a lot of fun gathering up all the skulls after each take in the Paths of the Dead to put back up at the top so they could be poured down again. Apparently Viggo liked to gather them up and try to throw them at the crew members! "Many hours of skullduggery was to be had," as Richard put it XD

Apparently, they'd made dozens of really finely detailed silicone heads to be lobbed over the wall of Minas Tirith, but then all but one of them were stolen! So they had to quickly put together some crude latex ones to use in the shoot instead (one of which the mayor of Wellington threw). They didn't talk about this, but I'm assuming the one good head that was left is the one that gets a close-up. You have to wonder who out there was sitting around with a bunch of highly realistic latex severed heads in his basement or something....

While most of the siege towers are miniatures or CG, they built the top third of one and put it on tracks so they could move it up against the wall. They built the set with breakable ramparts for when the little drawbridge thing crashes down.

They had the same trouble in Minas Tirith that they did in Helm's Deep, with the battering ram being too heavy for the stunties to lift. But they never actually explained how they got around that problem, if it was the same solution or not :/ All they said was that they had replaceable panels in the doors, in case they were damaged by the battering ram.

In order to make Shelob's webs, they had to heat up two polymers and mix them together to make the stringy, sticky material. In order to mix them, they had to be heated up to 220 degrees C, but if they got up to 228 degrees, they would burst into flame @_@ After they were heated and mixed, they would dribble the mixture on top of a vat of water, where it would cool in spiderweb-like shapes. Then they would lift it out on a frame, and they could carefully place it on the set. One time, the polymers did burst into flame, and they were running out of fire extinguishers to put it out! O.O Eventually, they did call the fire department, who said they'd done everything the fire department would have done. They got the fire put out, but it was a nerve-wracking moment, because the room where they were making the webs was connected to the studio, so it could have been disastrous D:

Bernard Shaw apparently got the idea to do that whole bit where he knocks his sword against the row of spears when he saw the collection of spears all lined up in a row in the art department.

The "oil" that Denethor pours over himself and Faramir is a mixture of glycerin and water. (I always wonder about these things, so I'm really glad they mentioned it.)

When they were filming the pyre scene, they had a silicone dummy for Faramir on the burning pyre. Apparently somebody on the crew brought "David Wenham" a cup of coffee over because they thought he'd fallen asleep on the side of the set, only to discover that it was a dummy! XD

The horse rig they made for close-up work of people on horseback got affectionately nicknamed "the Phony Pony." The first day they brought it on set, Peter Jackson got up on it and "rode" the horse, making the whole crew laugh XD

One of the ideas that Peter Jackson came up with for the mumakil in a brainstorming session (which Richard Taylor says he's still not sure if PJ was serious about or not) was that they could suck up several riders in its trunk and then fire them out like bullets. I'm...really glad they didn't go with that, whether PJ was serious or not <_<

Alan Lee says that the first time he saw the dead mumakil that Weta made for the set, the body was hollow, and some of the crew had set up a TV inside it and were watching a rugby game XD

The last miniature they built for LotR was the Minas Tirith docks where the Corsair ships come in. It kept getting put off until almost the end of the shoot, so they only had five days to put it together! @_@

All of the dead horses are fake, of course, so Weta had to make them all. They were made of lightweight material, so each day you'd see the set dressers just kind of casually carrying in a whole dead horse and then picking one up from the battlefield afterwards like it's no big deal. They had to do a lot of repairs to the dead horses, because the legs and ears kept falling off or getting bent the wrong way XD

The stone Watchers in Cirith Ungol have Maori influence in their design. I wish they'd talked about that in more detail, but it was just mentioned in passing.

They were concerned about the various copies of the One Ring being stolen, so they kept it in a lunchbox that was labeled "Screws."

The scene where Frodo and Sam join the orc convoy was filmed on location up on a mountain, so they had to deal with a whole bunch of extras in extensive prosthetics and armor, which would make them sweat while they were moving around, but then when the camera wasn't rolling, it would be a challenge to keep them warm. The way they did most of the orcs was that they wore a rubber mask and then a helmet, and they would need to take them off at regular intervals so the actors could get some air. So in between takes, after the director called, "Cut!" there would also be a cry of, "Heads off!" That meant the dressers would have to rush into the crowd and quickly take off the extras' helmets and masks XD

Because the crew was committed to not damaging any of the flora and fauna in the places where they were filming, even in the location that became the plains of Mordor that Frodo and Sam struggle across, there were little flowers and moss that they wanted to protect (and it was a national park). So they would lay down carpets on the ground for people to walk on, so they wouldn't damage the plant life. I'm sure that made for a strange sight, Frodo and Sam struggling in tattered clothing over rocks and boulders, surrounded by perfectly ordinary rugs XD

To do the decapitation of the Mouth of Sauron, they had a headless dummy sitting there, and Viggo would swipe his sword where the head should be. Then Weta Digital put in the head afterwards.

The lava in Mount Doom was mostly a miniature (except for the set where Sean and Elijah did their part), made from methyl cellulose and other things to make it look like lava. They set it up on a table that they would tilt so it would flow down around the model boulders made from urethane.

Richard Taylor said that, at that time, no one had really done a very good CG bird, so he was especially pleased at how the eagles turned out.

There were about 400 people working in the art department total, and most of them had never worked in the film industry before! @_@

Ngila Dickson's philosophy for the Elves was that none of their "crowns" or headpieces would go upwards, but would fit close around their heads and then go down. That's one of those things I've subconsciously noticed all these years, but never really thought about before.

Apparently, a little bit of the graphite used on Aragorn's armor in the coronation scene kind of puffed out when he and Arwen go in for their kiss, and got on Arwen's dress D: And some well-meaning person tried to rub it off, but only succeeded in spreading it around further, thus ruining the dress. And most of the female characters only had one copy of each costume, because all except for Eowyn don't see battle and thus don't need different versions with varying amounts of wear and tear. They're just made to wear in one or two scenes of them looking pretty and walking through a room. But alas, that lovely green dress was ruined.

They didn't have much time with Sir Ian Holm, so they only had a week to get a mold of his face and make the old-age prosthetics for the Grey Havens. But then word came down that he didn't want to have prosthetics, so they were to just make him look old with makeup. They were really disappointed, but then on the day, Ian Holm saw the prosthetics sitting off in the corner and asked what it was. When they explained, he said it wasn't true, and insisted on them putting the prosthetics on instead.

One thing that was really impressed upon me during this whole commentary (over all three movies) was just how much love and joy all of the crew had for the project. Sometimes you watch a movie or read a book that really means a lot to you, that's changed your life, and you wonder if the people who made it fully grasp what a beautiful thing they've created. These people know. They were fully aware, from start to finish, that they were making something truly great and worthy of praise. And I think that's beautiful.

[pinesfamilyguidetotheweird]

A Corduroy Tragedy

So...I was reading a tumblr post focused on Wendy (and the Wendip ship, which...I still don't care for, honestly. I mostly read it for the Wendy lore) and I came across something interesting.

And its from the Lost Legends comic. Like Journal 3, it too has hidden messages and I wanted to get mine so I can verify what was said in the post.

I don't have it immediately available at the moment (I left it in my mom's room and she's asleep, so I don't want to disturb her), but according to the post, the message had something to do with Wendy's mother.

And it's that she isn't die at some point, like many of us probably assumed (under the assumption that not everyone is privy to this).

The message hinted that she's trapped in another dimension. Sort of like Ford, but not really. Like, I don't think she's dimension hopping. She's trapped in one place. Perhaps this could give the idea that there are random portals/rifts than can appear and disappear.

And Wendy's mother accidentally encountered one and vanished without a trace. As for when...hard to say. Obviously, it was some time after the birth of Wendy's youngest brother, Gus.

We also don't know the ages of the Corduroy bros (except for being less than 15, since Wendy's the oldest child) and Marcus having facial hair surprisingly wouldn't help in this case because it could be a Corduroy thing, sort like how Wendy's height is a Corduroy trait.

Still, I'll take the facial hair for consideration just to make things easy. Of course, facial hair starts appearing during puberty, usually at the age of 13~16 (though some sources say 11~15 for facial hair growing at the corners).

So, I'd make the guessimate that Marcus (the oldest brother) is probably either 14 or 13 years old. The middle brother, Kevin, I'd say could be 3 years younger (11 or 10), and the youngest brother, Gus, is maybe 8.

I personally headcanon that Wendy lost her mother at around the same age as Dipper and Mabel. That headcanon remains true even with this new knowledge. Maybe Mrs. Corduroy went looking for something or went for a walk in the woods and fell through a random rift.

She gets reported missing and despite an extensive search, she was never found. It made no sense to the locals. Mrs. Corduroy knew the woods like the back of her hand, she couldn't've gotten lost. I can kinda see this as a reference to 411 cases.

And, perhaps, an incredible role model to Wendy.

Because...with a family like the Corduroys, I highly doubt that Mama Corduroy was a pansy. No, she was a down-to-earth and strong-willed woman with a sharp wit. She was an inspiration.

And now, she is gone. Vanished without a trace. It left the family devastated and Wendy in a bad headspace. There is a scene with Manly Dan's vehicle where there is a yellow ribbon sticker attached to the back...yeah.

To this day, Wendy still holds out hope that her mom will come back. And when she does, ask why. Even so, she knows that she's gonna have to move on.

This is...somehow more tragic than just having Mrs. Corduroy die in an accident. Because, at least with that, there is confirmation. There is a body. There isn't uncertainty. But, the idea that Mrs. Corduroy just...vanished?

It has a special type of hold...one that will linger for a long time.

Whelp, more angst fodder! Have at it!

...It's 11 pm and I should be asleep, but instead, I wrote this!

Yaaaay...

I am suffering a bit and I am taking y'all down with me.

[meraki-yao]

I dont remember who said this before but theres this interview where the lead actor said something like sometimes when acting you cant help but to develop feelings towards your co stars during filming period as in the crush is always there but the question is to act on it or not after filming ended. I have few pairs in my mind who *probably* developed feelings and not act on it. And TN *cough* are in that list too like the chemistry is a bit too real

... okay, here's my honest thought on this. Because truthfully, I think about this from time to time.

Again, deals with real-person shipping, if you disagree with it or are uncomfortable with the subject, please leave and don't read under the cut. If you read it and come yelling at me, I'll just delete it. I mean I warned you.

I've heard about that, and as someone who really enjoys learning about acting both in practice and theory, I think it's ... sort of inevitable at times. You're playing someone else, you're living another life, sometimes lines get blurred. It depends on the actors and their method, but yeah. I completely understand the idea or tendency to actually develop feelings.

And with Taylor and Nick's sheer amount of amazing chemistry on and off screen, not gonna lie, it's fairly reasonable to suspect and they belong in that case as well.

But on my part, there's this one thing that makes me confused and nervous about this:

Taylor and Nick's dynamic and trajectory are jarringly similar to one of my other ships and one of the only two rps ships that I genuinely believed in (the other one was Dan and Phil). I won't name them because there's... a lot of complicated shit happening in that fandom, but I'll simplify the name to JZ. (it's Chinese btw, and it's two men)

And the thing is, JZ were also co-stars playing a couple on-screen and had great chemistry both on and off-screen, so people were finding "candies" of them left right and centre.

BUT THEN, on the very last day of the promo period of their show, during an accidental live stream, THEY WERE CAUGHT WEARING MATCHING WEDDING RINGS. I DON'T THINK THERE'S A PLATONIC EXPLANATION FOR THAT. (this and this, it's a very distinct shape, we call it the hex nut)

And the sad thing is because they're in China, if they were truly together, they can't come out without completely ruining their careers. And then more drama happened that I don't want to get into because it's too big of a topic and someone on here definitely summarized the issue better, but either way, due to circumstances, they literally cannot be seen together. It's not a matter of choosing not to be seen; due to the aforementioned drama, they don't have a choice at all.

But EVEN THEN, and it's been 2.5 years since the drama, THEY'RE STILL DROPPING CANDY. AND SEEMINGLY DELIBERATELY, AND THAT'S AS GOOD AS COMING OUT IN THE SOCIETY THEY'RE IN.

When I say there are similarities and parallels between TN and JZ, I mean it, holy shit.

I could make a whole list on it, but I'm not entirely comfortable with posting that at the moment, so I'll just name a few:

Nick and Z both started their acting careers in musicals

Taylor and J are distinctly puppy-coded

Taylor and J didn't take the acting school route: they studied something else in school and started modelling before acting

Both sets get very hyped when with each other

The wedding band thing is sort of in the same category of candy as the Cartier watch I mentioned before (oh and btw a follow-up on the Cartier watch candy will be in my next TN candies post)

Both sets were accused of having no chemistry upon casting and during shooting, but as soon as the project aired and people actually watched their performance, everyone acknowledged that their chemistry was exceptional

Taylor is... protective? caring? adoring? the Chinese word is 寵 toward Nick (see the GQ quiz and Taylor giddily giving Nick hints) J is the same way towards Z (I might remember this wrong, it's been two years, but I think in a game show J also gave Z hints or sort of let him win or something)

Taylor turning toward Nick with his arm slung over the back of Nick's chair during the GQ editorial after Nick talked about his broken ankle vs J paying extra attention and making sure that Z never puts extra weight on his knee that he unfortunately permanently damaged

... yeah I'll leave it at that for now.

Can you see how this is driving me insane? Like, what the fuck? I've seen this pattern once before!

Like if it weren't for this, before I saw the parallels, I really kind of thought they were really good friends. And I still stand by that.

But then this comes up?????

Ultimately I truly do mean what I said before: I only care that the boys have a good relationship, what's the nature of that relationship, none of my business, I don't really mind. That's theirs to define and disclose if they want to.

But upon seeing the parallel, in my head, the scale went from to leaning towards the platonic side to the middle of the spectrum.

That being said, I need to reiterate this: ultimately this is all speculation done in good fun. I will never harass the boys or treat anything about their personal life as fact unless it comes from them. Their personal lives are ultimately their own, no one else is in a position to dig into it.

[toa-archive]

Oozing a bit from a weather induced headaches so apologises for any typos/general janky wording.

This week's storyboards are from the Wizards episode Killahead and are by Dan Stone! Tumblr is still point blank refusing to link properly so below is a screenshot preview and the link to the gif. Enjoy an untextured stick if you were struggling a bit on the shape of the thing

Link here. In addition there is this related tweet:

Overnight he announced he's moving from boarding to writing so these were backed up along with his other non-youtube/vimeo sequences juuust to be safe. The folder these are in are affectionately dubbed "Making the stick."

Now rather interestingly this is not the only place the machine shows up! On Alison Donato's website it's there too for an effects breakdown in it's untextured glory.

EFX breakdown and look ideas for this sequence; the 3d model was provided to me from the cg team.

Source

Unsure who that rough board belonged to though without a doubt the other three are Daniel Stone's aka these give or take:

Not unheard of for boards to be shown on another artist's work, just very unusual!

What is also very unusual is we actually have the model artist for the machine as well which will be posted on twitter on Monday. His name is Anthony Syracuse and he his two demo reels have all sorts of tidbits you never normally get to see.

Not the best pause in the world but you get the idea. The reel this one is in can be found here.

Enjoy this production rarity of the stars aligning and enjoy for your reference needs!

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Recently I heard a One Tree Hill podcast host say that Nathan and Haley are the young version of Coach Whitey and Camila and hearing that perspective practically changed my life. I can't remember what podcast it was cause i've been and starting and stalling on a lot of podcasts recently so it's all kind of a blur.

But that is so true. Nathan and Haley are the young version of Whitey and Camila. This undying love and dedication that they both had. After I heard that it reminded me of the Drama Queens episode that James Lafferty was on recently. They asked if he could play any character aside from Nathan who would it be? And he said Coach Whitey which was perfect in and of itself and now it's even better.

You know I always thought how amazing it was that Nathan was able to have such a healthy relationship when he grew up with such a disfunctional marriage between his mom and dad being modeled. But it's dawned on me now how Coach Whitey, as the sort of surrogate father he was to Nathan, probably modeled his marriage with Camila and showed Nathan what a healthy marriage looks like.

Coach Whitey really was like a father to Nathan. Lucas had Uncle Keith and Nathan had Coach Whitey. Fuck Dan Scott!!! He was no father but Whitey supported and cared for Nathan throughout the years!

My heart had grown 10 sizes since thinking of all of this! 💗💗💗

[lapetitechatonne]

Slept on Ships P1: Space Princess

Slept on Ships: Space Princess; Silent Jasmines hello!! so after taking a look at the very long Batpham shipping chart and seeing so many slept on ship dynamics, i decided to start a series all about highlighting romantic and platonic dynamics that---in my professional opinion---deserve more love. i'll be starting with the first dp/dc ship i created: Space Princess.

Space Princess: Dani Phantom/Mar'i Grayson

Relevant Background

so, in general, if you're not knee deep in the DC Fandom, you might now know who Mar'i Grayson, aka Nightstar, is. Mar'i Grayson is the daughter of Dick Grayson, aka Nightwing, and Koriand'r, aka Starfire, from Earth-22. she appears in the Kingdom Come series, where she has her own issue and everything! she's shown as protective of her family, like her father, and just as strong-willed as her mother.

if you'd like more info on Mar'i here's a like to the wiki article: Mar'i Grayson (Earth-22)

fun fact: in Kingdom Come, Dick and Kori are actually divorced, while in most fanfic, people portray them as together. Mar'i is also part of the Teen Titans on her earth, along with Lian Harper and Irey West.

in this post i'll be reference a few head canons such as; Dani being considered a Princess in a Ghost King Danny au and Dani possibly having an ice core (we don't know what core she has in canon.)

Why is the dynamic interesting?

they are prime Sun and Moon couple energy

Mar'i who lives her life in the sun as a public figure, her powers fuled by the sun and just as bright as her, while Dani hides in the shadows of society, lurking. giving Dani and ice core adds an extra layer of opposites.

they are equal parts soft sapphic girls, and battle hardened heroes. they're both incredibly capable political figures (in a Ghost King Danny Au) who always have to put up a front, they have to be the perfect leaders their kingdoms need them to be. they would understand each other in ways that other people couldn't

i also imagine them bonding over being the child of very famous/rich parents.

they also have colorful girlfriend and grunge girlfriend vibes.

Dani deserves to run Tameran like a fortune five hundred company while Mar'i is off being a superhero. the dynamic works strangely well for them.

Dick and Kori would love Dani, and if Mar'i doesn't marry her they're adopting her

Mar'i can be scary when she wants to, just like her mom. Dani thinks it's very hot.

Mar'i inherits her mother's height, which makes her both taller and stronger than Dani, and Dani would love it.

i like to imagine Dani having purple eyes or powers later down the road (since Vlad's are pink and Danny's are green/blue) which would make them almost opposites. it could be a fun story device to use.

A lot of people compare Mar'i to her mother, but realistically, i think she would be a lot like her dad's family, specifically Tim. it would be fun to explore the dynamics between Mar'i and Tim as niece and uncle, and they dynamic between Mar'i and Damian as sort of siblings (yes, i am a 'Dick Grayson is Damian Wayne's dad' fan). it could be prime real estate for a little bit of Danny/Damian or Dan/Tim or Jazz/Cass on the side.

Mar'i inherited her mom/dad's anger, and he Uncle Tim's ability to compartmentalize her feelings until she breaks. enough said.

through Mar'i, and by extension the batfam, Dani learns what real love looks like. she finally understands how abusive Vlad was to her. this could be in the context of a Vlad trying to redem himself, or a Vlad trying to manipulate Dani back into his life, but now she knows better.

with how much Mar'i hung around Raven as a kid, it would be interesting if Mar'i knew that Dani was not normal before everyone else. maybe Mar'i even knows a little bit of magic.

Some Prompt Ideas

a photographer and model au

Dani joins the Teen Titans and meets Nightstar

Vlad and Bruce are business rivals, but neither Dani or Mar'i particularly care and get together anyways.

Mar'i sees a clip of Dani in her ghost form with her green powers and thinks she's Tameranian. Mar'i channels her inner Uncle Tim and goes all detective to find Dani.

Dani is a mechanic and Mar'i is a student who refuses to get her very old car replaced.

Mar'i gets lost in the Zone after the destruction of her universe. She had no idea what to do or where to go. Dani finds her, and together they traverse worlds they were never meant to see.

Fic Recs

(i will admit the second one is self-promotion but i'm working with a small pool of fics lol)

Our Love Will Last Us by foldingfacets (READ THE TAGS)

Dani fell in love with the hot girl who watched her smash her skateboard into a dude without care. Little did she know the girl saw her first and fell in love faster. Maybe, just maybe, Dani doesn't have to be alone anymore. Maybe Mar'i would stay.

Can I have this Dance? by petitechatonne

When Dani goes to a gala with Sam, originally intent on keeping her friend company, she meets someone who sweeps her off her feet. Literally.

Playlists

Pintrest Boards

this paring has the ability to be cute and horrifyingly angsty at the same time, with a good helping of family chaos on the side!!! i will admit i'm quite bias about this one as the first ship i really made, but i also think they have the potential to have interesting and complex stories. there aren't enough sapphic pairings in the dp/dc fandom and yes, i am trying to single-handedly change that. join the revolution today!!!

-- find the wonder in creating. love, Kate💗

[pwlanier]

Balthus (1908-2001), Thérèse sur une banquette, signed and dated 'Balthus 1939' (lower left),

oil on board

Note: In late 1935 Balthus met Thérèse Blanchard, who lived several blocks from Balthus’s studio at 3, cour de Rohan. Thérèse’s appearance was unconventional, but she “had the grave and moody look that appealed to [Balthus],” writes Sabine Rewald, who selected the present work for the cover of the catalogue of the 2013 “Cats and Girls” exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. In his first portrait of Thérèse, painted in 1936 (Monnier and Clair, no. P 95), Balthus concentrated on her “serious mien” (exh. cat., op. cit., 2013, pp. 8 and 68). He similarly depicted her two years later (P 118; illustrated here). Thérèse sur une banquette, which dates from 1939, is the culminant image in what would be regarded as the most brilliant series of Balthus’s career, considered by Rewald to be “among his finest works” (ibid., pp. 7-8). “The paintings of Thérèse show Balthus at the apogee of his strength,” Nicholas Fox Weber has stated (Balthus, New York, 1999, pp. 388-389). Of Balthus’s ten portraits of Thérèse, five are acknowledged masterpieces, four of which are in museums. Thérèse sur une banquette is the fifth.

A sibling or school-mate posed with Thérèse for Frère et soeur in 1936 (Monnier and Clair, no. P 94). Her brother Hubert, two years older, appears with her in Les enfants Blanchard, 1937 (no. P 100); both their names are recorded on the reverse of the canvas. Picasso, by then the world’s most famous living artist, purchased the latter painting from the dealer Pierre Colle in 1941. “You’re the only painter of your generation who interests me,” Balthus recalls Picasso having told him. “The others try to make Picassos. You never do” (quoted in Vanished Spendors: A Memoir, New York, 2001, pp. 9-10).

Balthus last portrayed Thérèse in the present painting, seated on the banquette in which she appears in two earlier full-figure portraits (Monnier and Clair, nos. P 101 and P 112). At one time he envisioned a larger composition—perhaps on the scale of Les enfants Blanchard or even larger—the conception of which is known only from a loosely brushed study on a medium-sized board, painted earlier in 1939, Trois personnages dans un intérieur (no. P 122; sold, Sotheby’s London, 25 June 2009, lot 240). The three figures in the high-ceilinged interior—likely set in Balthus’s cour de Rohan studio—are Thérèse leaning back on the bench seat (as seen in the present painting), Hubert standing, his knee propped on a chair, gazing out the window, and their mother, Madame Blanchard, viewed from the side, resting in an armchair placed before a table. Three of four known preparatory drawings for this interior scene focus on Hubert.

Partly reclining on the banquette and turned to her left, Thérèsein the present painting dangles a string from her raised hand. In the smaller, three-figure essay, this string is attached to a ball. A kitten—not shown here—rears up and attempts to grasp the ball. In dispensing with the ball and cat in this picture, Balthus avoided the anecdotal distraction of the creature captured in stop-motion, as one might enjoy in a sentimental genre scene. The figure of the girl alone instead evokes a deeper sense of myth. Thérèse becomes an exemplar of l’éternel féminin, one of the ancient fates, said to measure and determine man’s thread of life.

In Thérèse sur une banquette, Balthus attended to the primarily professional, compositional concerns he had in mind—he aimed to depict the figure of his model in a novel, unique posture, one with neither a familiar nor apparent precedent. He moreover sought to evoke the inner world of her reality with a sense of presence that was outwardly and convincingly grounded in the mechanics of movement, while exalting the architecture of the figure. “The portrait of Thérèse on a Bench is caught in the sort of delicate balance that cannot last for more than a moment,” Jean Clair has written (V. Monnier and J. Clair, op. cit., 1999, p. 38).

Indeed, Thérèse displays the acrobatic ease and grace of the young girl saltimbanque in Picasso’s Rose period Acrobate à la boule, 1905 (Zervos, vol. 1, no. 290; Pushkin State Museum of Fine Art, Moscow). Balthus’s treatment of Thérèse recalls the gentle poetry of Picasso’s Rose period, even if rendered in a technique more like that of the 19th-century masters Courbet and Corot. A token of the rose tonality is here in evidence; “no reproduction can convey the unusual color of Thérèse’s sweater,” Rewald has commented, “which mingles red with shades of pumpkin and orange” (exh. cat., op. cit., 2013, p. 88).

Picasso surely appreciated Balthus’s mastery of the unusual pose, which lends Les enfants Blanchard, the painting he chose for his own collection, its visual novelty and charm, qualities that Thérèse sur une banquette shares with the earlier picture. Her poses in both pictures comprise a trapezoidal shape, which forms the base for a classic, Renaissance conception of a pyramidal composition. The pinnacle of this pyramid in the present painting is Thérèse’s upraised hand; in the room with her brother, his head in profile at the top center edge of the canvas. The artist also incorporates as a constructive means the diagonal emphasis characteristic of Baroque painting. Balthus invested the figures in both compositions with carefully plotted contrapposto, while also employing contrasts of bodily form with the geometry of furniture, and reiterations of formal elements, such as the arching of elbows and knees. From such imbalance and asymmetry Balthus created a configuration of parts that is sprawling and dynamic—yet stable, harmonized and whole.

Courtesy Alain Truong

[agbpaints]

I like a lot of battlemechs. Some of them look really cool, some of them play like absolute fiends, some of them are absolute piece of shit graft boxes. The Hammer isn't really ant of those, I like it because of its name.

Designed by Gibson Federated Battlemechs in Free Worlds League space and first rolling off production lines in 3053, the HMR-3M Hammer was intended to serve as a direct competitor to the Federated Commonwealth's popular Valkyrie battlemech in the light fire support role. It packs the same throw-weight in missiles, though it splits it into a pair of LRM-5s equipped with Artemis IV Fire Control and fed by a 2 ton ammo bin instead of a single LRM-10, drops the jump jets (though maintains a ground movement profile of 5/8), and carries slightly less armor than contemporary Valkyrie designs like the VLK-QD. It uses this saved weight for a fairly beefy set of sidearms- three medium lasers arranged in a vertical stack up the center torso and into the head. Interestingly, the arms of the design are free of any weapons, implying it has some want to be in melee which the missile racks really do not want it doing. As far as base models go, it's not super inspirint- as a Valkyrie competitor it lacks the mobility to quickly move to firing positions and as a fire support platform it basically serves as a budget Trebuchet, a mech that already sits firmly in Discount Dan's bin of mostly competent missile boats. It's biggest boon is likely its double ammo bins and low BV cost, which easily allows you to add weird LRM ammo like smoke and thunder rounds to a force without sacrificing an archer or something, and even then you waste the Artemis, tonnage which I think is kinda wasted on LRM-5s anyway.

Now, onto the thing that drew me to the Hammer, the variants. You see, each variant of the Hammer has a fun little nickname instead of just a variant code. That's character most mechs don't get outside customs and I think it's kinda cute. Anyway, the HMR-3S 'Slammer' is our first variant and by far the worst. This one pulls two of the medium lasers on favor of *another* 2 tons of LRM ammunition. This allows the Slammer to keep up its fearsome 10 damage barrage for 48 turns, long enough that someone else might have the sense to wander over and kill it dead.

Next, we've got probably the funniest variant, the HMR-3C Claw-Hammer. This is the compulsory 'oops all medium lasers' version of the design, pulling an LRM rack and its attendant ton of ammunition in favor of four more medium lasers. The heat sinks have been upgraded to double strength freezers to cope with the strain of being roughly 40% of a Nova, and to its credit it can more or less handle the heat of its guns.

Finally, we have the HMR-3P Pein-Hammer. Unlike the previous variants which had some long range firepower (even if it was only token like the Claw-Hammer), the Pein-Hammer is 100% a forward unit. It carries a pair each of ER medium lasers, small pulse lasers, and Streak SRM-4 launchers, along with a TAG laser designator for guided munitions and enough double heat sinks to more or less carry the load of its guns. This Hammer has a sort of annoying, weird anti-synergy with the rest of its ilk- despite being obviously a forward observing unit that LRM boats could benefit from, the TAG system it carries is wasted when combined with the Arty-IV every other model has. It does, however, pair fairly well with contemporary ANV-8M Anvil, spotting for the heavier mech's Arrow IV artillery piece.

I decided to get in on the action and make a pair of my own variants. The HMR-3ASC 'Sledge-Hammer' is an extremely low cost iteration on the 3M- rip off the expensive guidance systems of the LRM racks, along with a laser and a heat sink, and just add more missile tubes. 4 LRM-5s means that with Kerensky's blessing, you can deliver a knockdown at long range, while the lack of inbuilt guidance means special munitions are less feelbad.

The HMR-3AT Trench-Hammer is intended specifically for hunting battle armor. 4 jump jets keep it ahead of most of its prey. While the double SRM-6 rack can be loaded with Inferno munitions to make Toads die a firy death, or just regular missiles to soften them up before they get whacked by your force's bigger guns.

[mintedwitcher]

Putting aside the controversy of Thirteen's run, I think there's a very simple way that her tenure could've been massively improved, and that's to just cut down the number of companions.

Chibnall has a habit of overloading his casts, and it's objectively awful each time. (Staring directly at you, Dinosaurs on a Spaceship, six leads what were you thinking?!)

What I would've done, personally, is split up the "fam" early on. Let that first episode be the same, introducing these characters to the Doctor. But here's where I'd change it:

When offered to travel, Graham and Ryan say no. They're grieving, they've just lost a family member, one that they both loved so much. That loss brings the two of them closer, but they don't need a big fancy adventure to cement that. They say no, and they stay home.

Yaz, however, says yes. Partly because the Doctor is a new mystery, and as (excuse me while I gag) a policewoman, Yaz is going to be drawn to that. But also because she's bored of her life. She's working a job that's sticking her with low-level calls (understandably, she's new), and she's just so bored of it, so when the Doctor promises a trip and that they can get back "in just five minutes," Yaz agrees.

First series companion: Yaz. Just her and the Doctor. This gives them more time to build a genuine friendship and bond, unlike the actual canon which was... surface level at best all around. Let them understand one another, have Yaz bring out the Doctor's sillier, feminine side (since she was most Definitely masculinised to try and appeal to the fanbase). Let them have some fun adventures, some thrilling ones, some dangerous ones, and let them become the Besties we know in our hearts they should've been. (We got bits of that in series 13 before the cast was bloated again, but like. Imagine a full series of that dynamic. The sheer badass potential. I crave it.)

Next series, something happens closer to home, and Yaz decides to become a part-time companion instead, choosing to stay on Earth more frequently than dashing off with the Doctor, staying with her family, working her normal job with the satisfaction of knowing that she's not cut off from the Doctor for good. (More akin to the 11/Ponds dynamic, rather than the Doctor's usual practice of vanishing on past companions.)

As for who would 'replace' her as a full time companion, I'd like it to be Ryan for a time, but not Graham yet. As much as I adore the granddad/grandson dynamic of Ryan and Graham, I think Graham had a tendency to overtake quite often, and Ryan was often the afterthought. I'd love to see Ryan really step up into that role, having gotten through his grief over his grandmother. (During this, I'd like to think that Graham somehow meets and befriends Dan, because he really does need a friend who is not his grandson or his grandson's old school mate, Yaz.)

Ryan and the Doctor could have a lot of really great moments, and I think that having the Doctor travel alone with Yaz first would've prepared her more for the intricacies of social interaction this time around, so she's more adept at handling Ryan's story, and more open to him on an emotional level, almost taking on a parental type role with him.

I think, then, it'd be fitting to have a split-season model (like series 7a and 7b), where Graham finally comes aboard in the later half, convinced to go on "just one trip" with his grandson. We get the family dynamic there between Graham and Ryan, on much more solid ground now that they've had time off-screen to put in the work for their own relationship and grief. We also get Graham taking on a sort of brotherly, almost paternal role towards the Doctor, too, because she looks so young despite her real age, and Graham is just as protective of her as he is of Ryan, and the Doctor is equally protective towards the both of them.

Then, give Thirteen a few episodes fully on her own. Give her the space to take what she's learned from her latest companions and internalise it, give her room to work on her own, either by choice or by necessity. Really delve into this 'new' incarnation of the Doctor, what she's capable of. Three episodes, I'd say. Then, have her go and pick up the 'fam', because she's learned how to ask for help this time around, and she knows she needs her friends by her side for whatever is to come. Along the way we can have her meet Dan, a one-off companion, and a handful of the rest of the bloated cast (seriously how were there so many main characters in a NINE EPISODE SERIES jfc I am taking your pens and keyboards away from you, CC), and etc etc etc.

Just by breaking up the companion structure, suddenly the plot and the characters have so much more room to breathe and become a cohesive unit by the end of it. I understand that Chibnall wanted to shake up the typical formula by having three simultaneous companions, but it just fell flat, and the end result was that none of those characters - even the literal lead of the goddamn show - had any space to develop. Genuinely, if you asked me to recount a single line by ANY of those companions, I couldn't give you an answer. Not a single one. Ask me to do the same for Clara, or Amy, or Rory, or Donna, Martha, Rose, hell even fucking Astrid, and I'd be able to give you a few each, probably verbatim, because those characters were developed.

Sometimes, the formula of a show needs to be shaken up. But sometimes it's been the same for a long time because it works. This is one of those cases.

[kazosa]

Wildwood Prequel: Broken

Summary: Not everything is sunshine and roses where the reader and Jensen are concerned.

Pairing: female reader x Jensen Ackles

Word count: 15k

Warnings: swearing, pregnancy loss, cheating, jealousy, death of a family member

a/n: please remember, this is fiction and not intended to be disrespectful to any real-life people

@leigh70 @djs8891 @sandlee44 @coffee-obsessed-writer

Broken

It felt like defeat going back to your hometown and your apartment over the old theater. The plan had never been to stay away forever, you just hadn’t thought you would be back so soon. Of course, your parents knew that you were coming back and they’d been the ones who had taken care of your building and apartment while you were away. They had been the ones who had arranged for your moving boxes to be brought inside your apartment. You flipped the light switch and the lights in the kitchen came on. At least your parents were reliable…

The boxes were stacked and filling up your living room. You didn’t even know where to begin. Why did you need to ship so much back from Korea? You didn’t have the energy to deal with unpacking anything. Instead, you slowly walked through your apartment to make sure there were no issues. Nothing jumped out at you. Plumbing, electrical and physical all seemed to be in proper order. Even the skylights were in good shape.

The only trouble you found was around every single corner; a memory of Jensen’s last visit was waiting for you. It was almost too much to bear. You walked down the hallway to your bedroom and looked around. Everything was as you’d left it except for your bed which had fresh sheets and blankets.

“Bless you, Mom,” you muttered, shuffling to your side of the bed. Your brain was too fried to figure out what time it was for your body that was still on Seoul time. And whatever time it was in your hometown, you decided you didn’t give a shit and pulled back the covers.

Sitting on the edge of the bed to pull off your socks, you saw the picture of you and Jensen looking back at you. You laid the frame face down and finished undressing before you gave yourself over to oblivion.

A few days later you were still lying in bed, having only gotten up for restroom breaks and water. You supposed you’d slept enough to be on hometown time, but you still didn’t move. You just stared at the brick wall for a few minutes, then you grabbed the photo frame from your night stand.

You missed the boy in the photo. You missed who you were in the photo, too. Full of life and happiness and having no clue you would be the cause of your current state of misery. You’d fallen for Jensen and you hadn’t even noticed how far you’d fallen until it was too late and you’d found yourself sitting at his wedding trying not to sob. The wedding wasn’t all bad though. Dan had been a guest and despite what happened later, you had loved him and would never be sorry for your time together.

When you met Dan, you were at your absolute lowest. You’d basically run away from Jensen, all the way to Australia, only to come back 6 months later for his wedding. You had barely had any time to sort through your feelings for Jensen and had tortured yourself more by throwing yourself headlong back into them at the wedding. Dan had been going through something similar and had recognized the same sadness in you, choosing to sit with you at the reception. The two of you hit it off and forgot about your woes for a while. After the wedding, you kept in touch with him and eventually you went to live with him after a year of racking up some serious air miles.

It was great at first. Dan would take you to all of his favorite places and do tourist things with you. He could speak and understand Korean, mostly, and could communicate with people fairly well, but you had no understanding at all. He tried to teach you, but you had no capacity for other languages. You kept trying though. Dan was quite famous in Korea. He did a lot of modeling for fashion shows and print ads, which had gotten him a lot of attention on their own. What really put him over the top were the Korean television shows and movie productions. 

When you would be out with him, he would get mobbed by tiny, beautiful Korean women. They would push you aside and Dan would be very accommodating by signing autographs and taking pictures. You didn’t mind the fans and Dan interacting with them, it was the fact that you were looked down upon by the fans. You couldn’t understand what they were saying, but their body language and facial expressions said everything. It made you feel isolated and when you told Dan how you felt, he thought he was helping by taking you out less.

When Dan was home with you, you got all of his attention and you loved every second of it. When you got brave enough, you would go to the public library and do research for your books. It was better than sitting in the apartment all day waiting for him to come home and it helped you to feel less isolated. The people at the library were nicer and would speak to you in English and teach you phrases in Korean.

It made Dan happy that you were learning the language and were less reliant on him for all communication. It made him even happier when you said yes to going more places with him again, too. 

You thought things were good between you, until you started seeing tabloids when you went to the market. The newsstands were positioned outside the markets and you never really paid much attention to them until you noticed Dan on the cover. He’d been on tabloids before, of course, but this time was different, it wasn’t you who was with him. Not knowing what else to do , you bought all three and immediately went to your favorite library to find your librarian friend, Hyun, to help you translate.

When you got to the library, Hyun was behind the counter and smiled brightly when she saw you approaching.

“Hello my American friend. Nice to see you again so soon!” she said, cheerfully. “What are you researching today?”

“Hi Hyun. Actually, I was hoping you could tell me what these say?” you laid out the tabloids for her to look at.

“Oh! Daniel Henney! He’s so handsome. Do you know him in America?” she asked.

“No, I know him here,” you answered.

“This one says… Daniel Henney and new flame Bingbing Fan leaving set.” She looked at the other covers, “These say almost the same.”

Your gut twisted and jumped inside your body. “Does it say anything about anyone else? Like a previous girlfriend?”

After reading some of the article, she said, “No, it says nothing like that. Just rumored about Bingbing and how Daniel has been single since Mr. Perfect.”

You knew that wasn’t true. He’d been in love with Dee before you met him and you’d been living with him for three years, but the way he held her hand…

You ignored the pain you felt and went home to confront Dan about it. You had hoped he would deny it, put your mind at ease, profess his love for you… That wasn’t what happened though. Tears were streaming down your face and felt sick from the pain.

“Y|N, what…” he began, but that was all you heard.

You looked down and wondered where the blood was coming from before your vision swirled and went black.

You drug yourself out of bed and went to the kitchen to find your carry-on bag and pulled out the pen and paper you always had with you and took it back to your room. You chugged the rest of your water before you began.

The last letter you sent him had been the hard part. Everything that happened was in there. You hadn’t expected a return letter, but you’d thought Jensen would call, at least. You’d sent it to the house in Austin when you were certain he would still be there… You put your pen to the paper:

Jay –

I’m back in the states now. I didn’t hear back from you about my last letter. I thought you might call… I know you’re busy, but I could really use a hug from my friend. Please respond.

–Nova

You made sure your return address was written clearly on the envelope and addressed it to him at his Vancouver apartment. You debated calling him, but decided against it. There had to be a reason he didn’t contact you and if he didn’t want to talk to you, you didn’t want to talk to him. Resigning yourself to the fact that you needed to go to the post office for stamps, you thought it best to take a shower and get yourself mildly presentable for a public appearance.

Once the stamps were bought and the little note sent, you went back to your apartment and unpacked one box. It felt good to empty the box, but you refilled it with things you no longer wanted that either came from the box, or your apartment, and put it in the hall to take down to the dumpster.

“That’s quite enough,” you said, closing and locking the door behind you. After checking the cupboards, you grabbed a box of crackers and went back to bed.

Jensen knew by the knock that it was Jared at his trailer door. He went and opened the door for him.

“Hey, get in here,” he said.

“What’s going on? You’ve been weird since Clif picked us up this morning.” Jared stepped into the trailer and closed the door behind him, “Something happen?”

“I got a letter from Y|N,” he held the paper with his fingertips. “Something isn’t right,” he extended his hand to Jared to take the paper.

Jared took the note and quickly read the missive.

“Is this it? What was in the last letter?” Jared asked. “And Y|N doesn’t seem like someone who asks for hugs… except from me.”

“That’s a financial transaction, that’s different,” he said, “and I have no idea what she’s talking about.”

“Did it get lost? She knows the schedule, right?” Jared was concerned, too. Over the years of Jensen talking about her and spending time with her at conventions, he genuinely liked Y|N.

“I don’t know. She usually knows where I am. She said she’s back in the states now, so that takes time and if I missed a letter saying she was coming back, Y|N would know to send it to Austin ‘cause I would have been home then,” he was thinking out loud.

“Did Dee say if it came there, or shown up yet?”

Jensen pulled out his phone. “She didn’t mention it the last time I talked to her.” He hit ‘send’ on her number. “Hey hon,” he said when she answered, “did any letters from Y|N come to the house?” he waited for an answer. “No? Not since I’ve been up here, huh? What about before and you just forgot to give it to me?”

Jared could only hear Jensen’s side of the conversation, but it wasn’t sounding good.

“I’m asking because I think something is wrong.”

“No, I’m not saying that.”

“I just don’t want to…”

Jared knocked hard on the chair and talked into his arm, “Jensen, ready on set.”

“I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.” he ended the call. “Thanks,” he mumbled and began pacing.

“That was intense,” Jared observed.

Jensen nodded, chewing on his thumbnail. “She said ‘no’ then said I’m obsessed with Y|N.”

“Sounds like Dee might be a little jealous of how close you and Y|N are,” he paused to carefully choose his words. “Dee doesn’t have a reason to be upset, does she?”

Jensen whipped his head around, “What do you mean?”

“Nothing. You better see what’s up with Y|N,” Jared said, getting up from his spot. “That was way too cryptic for her.”

Jensen hit ‘send’ on Y|N’s number, not worried about what time it was for her. It rang through to voicemail once before he tried again. She picked up on the second ring.

“Jay?”

He hated how small her voice sounded. “What happened?” he demanded, “Tell me right now.”

Jared stopped rummaging in Jensen’s fridge at the tone of Jensen’s voice.

“Did he hurt you?” he asked, not able to understand what she was trying to say.

“No,” her voice was so quiet. She could only whisper the words or they would come out as sobs. All he caught was, “Baby died,” and his blood ran cold. Immediately he went to the bedroom, got his coat, bag, and passport. He made sure he touched what he needed before shoving them in the bag.

Jared followed him wide-eyed, not needing an explanation. Seeing Jensen packing a small bag, he knew it was serious and helped him gather what he would need.

“Babe, I’m coming,” he said.

“Okay.”

Jensen went to Bob Singer and told him what was going on . Bob looked over the shot schedule and told Jensen, “I can only get you a day.”

“That’s all I need, thanks, Bob,” he said.

Jared had told Clif that Jensen needed to go and got the car ready. Jensen was on the phone to the airline before he even got in the car.

“Text me when you land and give Y|N my love,” he said quietly because Jensen was talking to the ticket agent.

Jensen gave him the thumbs up and Jared closed the car door. As soon as it closed, Clif took off like a shot. He booked a flight that had a layover in Denver before he felt like he could breathe again. 

Seven and a half hours later, it was after 10 at night and he was quietly using his key to open her apartment door. Thankfully, the key turned and she hadn’t flipped the security latch over. He noticed her living room windows were dark when he had gone around the block to park in the alley, so he made sure he was quiet as he entered, in case she was sleeping.

No need to turn on any lights. She had a nightlight on her kitchen counter which lit the way for him to the hallway where he stopped in the bathroom to get cleaned up. He couldn’t stand to not shower after such a long day of work and travel.

He felt a little bad sneaking in the way he had, but he needed to sleep. Despite working overnight, he’d only slept a couple hours on the Vancouver to Denver leg and not at all from Denver to Sioux Falls. His usual tricks to shut down his brain hadn’t worked. After his shower, he tiptoed into her room, pulled the covers back and climbed into bed and Y|N stirred.

“Jay, that’d better be you,” she muttered, not really caring that someone got in her bed in the middle of the night.

“It’s me, sweetheart,” he said.

“Mm, Dean, even better,” she rolled toward him.

He patted his chest and stretched his arm out so she could get close.

“Do you want to talk now, or sleep,” he asked.

“Sleep. All the sleep,” she laid on his chest.

He thought maybe she had drifted off, but then she spoke softly. “I fell for him and he broke my heart. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until it was too late.” She didn’t have any tears left to cry. “I found out from a tabloid. He didn’t even try to deny it. I woke up in the hospital. I lost a lot of blood and that’s when they told me. When I was released, I was told I had a week to move out while he was away working. I did. But it took a while to make all of the arrangements.”

Jensen kissed her forehead and stroked her arm while she talked, but there was one thing he had to know, “Where’d you send the letter and when?”

“About six or seven weeks ago to Austin.”

Twenty years and he’d never not gotten a letter she sent.

“I’m sorry. You know I would have answered or done something if I got it. Hell, I just traveled almost eight hours as soon as I got the last one.”

“I don’t deserve you,” she said.

Jensen could feel her start to pull away, but he held on tighter.

“You don’t get to decide that. Did you ever think about what had to happen for us to meet in Dallas?” He could feel her shake her head ‘no.’  “You could have stayed with your grandma. If I hadn’t hit snooze on my alarm, I wouldn’t have missed the bus. Your parents could have picked a different hotel. My parents could have made me stay home. Your parents could have said no to you going to the pool by yourself. If you didn’t have that stupid fanny pack, you might never have run into me, literally.”

“My fanny pack wasn’t stupid.”

“Yeah it was, but I love that thing,” he caressed her face and made her look at him. “The powers that be decided and I am grateful.”

Everything in him wanted to kiss her so badly. To take her pain away, to pull her out of her darkness, to make her feel better for a moment, to remember what it was like to feel her lips on his.

There was no way he could do that to her though. He’d never seen her so raw and broken before. She’d always been so solid, so strong. He couldn’t be doing things like that to her when she was in such a fragile state. Somehow, she knew he was struggling and tipped her head back down, her hand reaching up to couch his face. He took her hand, kissed her fingertips then held her hand to his chest as they finally drifted off to sleep.

He woke her up just as the sun was barely beginning to light the sky.

“C’mon,” he shook her shoulder, “you need to get up.”

“I don’t need to do jack shit,” she growled.

He yanked the covers back. “Great. Let’s use that salty energy to get you into the tub.”

“What?” she said with emphasis on the H. “Are you drunk? Am I drunk?”

He pulled her up to sitting, “Not possible. You already drank everything.”

“Let me sleep, damnit,” she tried to pull away.

“Guess we’re doing this the hard way,” without malice, he grabbed her up into his arms and carried her into her bathroom and  placed her, clothes and all, into the bubble bath he’d drawn for her.

She had things to say when she popped up out of the bubbles.

“What the hell was that for?!” her voice was raised.

“To wash off the guilt you’ve been wallowing in for the last two months,” he told her.

She kept trying to rebut his statement, but she couldn’t.

“It wasn’t your fault that any of it happened. No one made Dan screw around on you. That was a choice,” his voice boomed off the stone and wood in the bathroom. He took a moment and calmed himself and softened his tone. “As for the baby, you didn’t even know you were pregnant. And when it happens that early, there is NOTHING anyone can do to save it.”

“What if Dan was my one shot at happiness?” she pulled off her soaked shirt and staying below the bubbles.

“He’s not, I promise.”

“How would you know? You married a snobby, jealous bitch who hates me,” Y|N was letting it all out. “I don’t get second chances, Jay. It just doesn’t work like that for me.”

She slipped down into the bubbles briefly. He waited for her to resurface.

“Dee is still my wife, Y|N. You may have differences, but I don’t think she hates you. You’re going to be brave and do things one step at a time, just like you always do. And when you’re ready, you will shine so bright that it would be a crime to not notice you,” he looked at her covered with bubbles. “Scrub the wallow off of you. Then we’ll go to the bakery and take a walk. Then I gotta go back to work. Bob could only get me a day.”

She went under and shimmied out of what she was still wearing. He would never tell her he saw everything in the process. He just took the clothes and threw them into the open shower.

“Where did you find the bubble bath?” she asked, pulling the bubbles toward her for her modesty.

“I didn’t. It’s my shower gel I left here last time I came by,” Jensen said, grabbing a washcloth to throw in with her. “Got any of that sandy, scrubby shit for your skin?”

She gave him a look, “No?”

“Huh,” he mumbled, “it works pretty well.”

She scrubbed while he looked through things. “Any of those boxes out there labeled?”

“I dunno,” she scrubbed the leg that was propped on the edge of the deep tub. “I wasn’t too concerned.”

“I’m gonna go look… out there,” he excused himself. If he kept catching glimpses of her like that…

Opening the first box he came to, he dug right in. Something heavy was wrapped in bubble wrap that caught his attention and chose that first. At first, he didn’t realize what he was holding, then remembered it was the glass art his mom bought her for Christmas forever ago, the Christmas he kissed her. She had taken it with her when she left. It made him wonder where the star that he bought her was as he placed the glass on a bookshelf.

He unpacked the rest of the box and put things away without any more blasts from the past. He was just about to start another when she came down the hall.

“Just can’t leave shit alone, can you?” she asked.

“How long have you been back, a week? It looks like you haven’t touched anything.”

“So? It’ll still be there when I’m ready.”

Y|N was getting on her shoes.

“Next step is unpacking,” he said.

“What?”

“You have one week to unpack these boxes, then you’re gonna facetime me and show me every inch so I know you’re not hiding them.”

“Are you fucking serious right now?” she asked.

“Yeah. I am. Baby steps.”

“Bossy bitch,” she snarked.

“You’d do it to me, and you know it,” he responded.

“I’ve never had to do anything like that for you,” she grabbed her keys. “Frickin’ Mary Poppins.” she rolled her eyes when he didn’t get it. “Practically perfect in every way.” She opened the door and swung her arm in a motion for him to walk out. Somehow she managed to look annoyed and still exhausted.

“When was your last meal?”

“Fuck if I know,” she went down the stairs and turned to the alley door. “What day is it?”

“Wednesday.”

She shrugged. “Sunday? Why does it matter? When I’m awake, all I do is think about it all and it makes my stomach hurt. It never ends.”

He opened the car door for her, “It might not hurt if you eat something good for you.” He’d noticed she’d lost weight. “Not like you need to go crazy, but you shouldn’t be surviving on pizza rolls and chicken tenders. You should hire a chef, you got the dough for that now, don’t you? I saw you put out more books and a movie is being made. Are you getting a percentage?”

He thought if he could get her thinking about anything else, it might help get her out of the darkness.

“Yeah, the books are doing well. I can cook for myself, Jay, I just don’t like to,” she answered. “I’m going to get a percentage. Threw out a number and they accepted it. Hopefully it does well. I heard Bradley Cooper and Scarlett Johansen are in the running.”

“Are you shitting me? You have a script already?”

She nodded. “It’s about ready to go into production I guess. I hope it does well so I can retire.”

“I don’t remember getting a script for that,” he pulled open the bakery door to let her pass through first.

She snickered, “It wasn’t my call, Jay. Also, I have you in mind for something else.”

Y|N went to the counter to wait for someone to help them.

“Woman, you cannot leave me hanging like that,” he said.

She ignored him as the owner came to the counter. “Hi Dave. I’ll have my usual. He’ll have something healthy and a black coffee.”

She definitely hadn’t lost her sass. “Dave, is it? I’ll have an apple fritter and a coffee. Black.”

Y|N rolled her eyes and waited patiently for Dave to get their donuts and Jensen’s coffee. Y|N pulled an apple juice from the cooler then chose a table for them to sit. When they were seated, he only sipped his coffee and stared.

Y|N sighed, “I’ve been doing a lot of research. I haven’t written anything yet. However, if, and that’s a big IF, I write it and there’s production talk, I think you would be a perfect fit. Maybe you can for your own production company, or something, and can cast yourself finally.”

“So salty,” he muttered. “Because that’s the only way I would get cast?” Salty and a little bit mean, he thought.

“I didn’t say that,” she took a bite of donut.

“What are you saying?”

“I said I want to write the character with you in mind and getting you cast as the character is not up to me.”

“What’s the character?”

“Uh-uh, I’m not telling you that, but it would give you a wider variety of wardrobe choices than jeans and flannels.”

He tipped his head to the side agreeing that the wardrobe change might be nice.

“Can you tell me anything else?” he asked.

“No, I don’t want to jinx it. Good guy though, but a smidge of anti-hero.”

For the moment, she didn’t look quite so destroyed. It had scared him when she answered the phone the way she did. Sitting with her in the bakery, she seemed more like her old self. They sat shooting the breeze while they had their donuts and drinks. When they were finished they used the restrooms before they left for their walk.

They drove to the park they went to the last time he was in town for their walk.

“Ever been to Italy?” he asked out of the blue.

“Nope, not even on a layover,” she answered.

They were up by the river and he paused to let her catch her breath. He wondered if Dan had kept her locked up in that apartment.

“We booked JIB this year. You should come,” he said.

“Why?” she didn’t look at him. Instead, she looked out at the river, squinting, even with her sunglasses on. “Will you tell Dee if I do?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Pretty simple, Jay. Does she even know you’re here now?”

“Do you have something you need to say to me? Just say it.”

“Dee doesn’t like me being your friend. When I needed you most, the first time in almost 20 years, you didn’t get the letter I sent.”

“You weren’t exactly thinking clearly…”

“No, Jay! I might have been as clear as I’ve ever been. I knew exactly where you were. Didn’t it seem strange to you that Dan was at the wedding?”

“Why would I? You were at the wedding and you’re my friend.”

She gave a rueful laugh. “Yeah. You should probably ask her about that. He was under a different impression. He said he didn’t even want to go but she insisted. She practically shoved him at me after I danced with you. By some miracle, we actually got along well and hit it off. We were just lying to ourselves though. Neither of us were with who we wanted.”

“Or maybe Dee thought you two might be good together.”

“And why would she do that, Jay? She’s maybe said five sentences to me the entire time you’ve been together.”

He stood in silence for a few moments. “I think she doesn’t like how close we are. She is my wife, Y|N. Knowing we have so much history is hard for her. It would be hard for anyone. I don’t think she hates you and inviting Dan came from a good place.”

“I love that you always look for the good in people, Jay, but it makes you blind to the bad,” her voice was softer now. “Maybe I’m just bitter. I’m sorry.”

They started walking again. “Did you get the last birthday card I sent you? I sent it to Austin so it would be there when you went home.”

“Dude, I don’t know. I’m sure I did. Didn’t I text you?”

“No. I wouldn’t be asking if you had. Did you use the gift card I sent? It was for that steak place you like there.”

He, in fact, did remember going there for his birthday, but not how the meal was paid. This whole conversation had made him wonder what else he had been missing.

“I gotta go soon,” he changed the subject. “Are you going to be okay, or do I need to worry about you?”

“I’ll be fine,” she said. “I’ll just kill Dan in a book.”

He snorted, “Okay. No real-life felonies, please.”

She didn’t say anything for a few steps, then with a smirk she said, “Petty arson?”

He grinned, “I can’t associate with a criminal, regardless of the charges.”

“As if I would get caught,” she said.

“I can’t tell if you’re joking.”

“Good,” she said. “Stay on your toes, Ackles.”

He looked after her, questioning what she said, before catching up to her again. He looked at his watch, not really wanting to know the time, but he didn’t want to push things too hard. He needed to be at his gate by 11:30 and that meant he needed to leave Y|N by 10:30.

They kept walking through the whole park and Jensen finally got to see the whole scale of the place. He felt like he’d gotten in a good hike and it was all still in town. It wasn’t til they were on the way back to the car that she noticed and started laughing at him.

“Oh my god, this whole time, I’ve been hanging out with Dean Winchester!”

He was less amused. “I left from set. I didn’t have much choice.” He smoothed the flannel shirt. “By the way, I left you makeup-covered washcloths as a ‘you’re welcome’.”

Jensen opened the car door for her. “Good on you for even finding them,” she got in the car slowly like she was exhausted from the hike and he closed the door for her.

He started the SUV and got the vents going. The outdoor temperature was climbing quickly. “Everything was still right where I left it 5 years ago. Now promise me 2 things. One, you will unpack. And two, think about JIB.”

“The best I can do is promise I will think about it.” 

“JIB or unpacking?”

“Both.”

He sighed heavily. It was pointless to argue with her. She could be so stubborn. Or she would turn everything around and he would lose sight of his original point.

“Jay?”

He put the SUV in gear and pulled out of the lot.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you, for coming,” she said sincerely. “You didn’t have to and I just…I’m really grateful for you.”

He drove toward her building. “You would do it for me.” He reached out and took her hand, knowing how hard it was for her to say anything about her feelings for anyone.

He pulled into her regular parking space at the back of the building. The go-bag he’d brought was already in the car. After putting the car in park, he hopped out to open her door. When she was out, and the door closed, he pulled her into a bear-hug which she returned with surprising strength.

“Love you like crazy,” he said.

“Love you, sweet boy.”

She watched as his car backed away, turning into the alley. Putting the car in drive, he stuck his arm out the window to wave at her one last time as he drove away.

On domestic flights, you didn’t care if you flew economy. Leaving the country was a whole other animal. The best you could manage was business class. You’d waited too long to book your flight, but you’d been in training and hadn’t known when, or if, they would release you to go on the vacation you’d planned. Last minute booking came with last minute pricing and you about fainted at the cost. If you hadn’t already bought the ticket for JIB 15, you might have backed out. You were physically exhausted from the training you’d been in for your new, armed security, job that you were sure was equally intensive as military training. The difference was, your training lasted four months and you’d gotten into the best shape of your life, which you both loved and hated. You’d become a person who ran for fun.

While you were waiting for the staff to start boarding the plane, you already had on your headphones, but no music playing yet, just in case your seatmate was chatty. Your seating section boarded first and you were a little surprised to see some very specific people you knew appear from nowhere at the gate with you. Being dressed for comfort over fashion, you hadn’t expected them to recognize you, but Rob looked right at you and it didn’t register with him. You recognized Gil, but had never met him. Then there was Rich. He was your favorite. He was at the head of the pack and you followed him onto the plane.

As it turned out, your seat, was next to Richard, but by the window. Rob and Gil were next to him, but across the isle. Rich twisted in his seat to let you in, still not quite looking at you. Your hair was in a bun on top of your head, glasses on, band t-shirt, sweatpants, flannel around your waist, and sneakers. The small bag you carried had your essentials.

“Sorry, excuse me,” you said, stepping sideways to get to your spot.

“Nice band shirt. Don’t usually see them,” he said.

“I know, usually it’s Nirvana or Led Zeppelin,” you agreed.

You pulled off your headphones and put them in your bag. He wasn’t staring at you, but you knew you were being watched. You didn’t think you looked that much different from the last time you saw them, but you thought they might remember you, at least.

The flight attendants were going through the precheck and safety checklist when Rich couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Have we met?” he whispered.

You nodded.

“Forgive me, I can’t remember your name,” he pressed.

 “Shh, important stuff,” you grinned and gave the crew your attention.

When they completed their somewhat funny spiel, you turned and leaned with your elbow on the armrest to look directly at Rich.

“We’ve slept together and you can’t remember my name?” you asked. “I thought we had a moment.”

The look of utter shock and horror that crossed his features absolutely delighted you and his expression eventually changed to recognition.

“Ohhh my god, you scared the shit outta me,” he gasped in relief. “You looked familiar, but I didn’t know why. Jesus. What’ve you been doing, you look like you’re in fighting shape.”

“Funny you should put it that way…” you told him how you’d gotten a new job and what it entailed. “It just made sense.”

“Jensen didn’t tell us you were coming,” he said.

“He doesn’t know,” you said. “I had a feeling this one was important.” What you hadn’t mentioned was that you’d had a nagging feeling that something was wrong, or was bothering Jensen, but you didn’t know what.

“Have you done JIB before?” you asked.

“Oh yeah, sister. Not the first rodeo for ol’ Dick. I take it you haven’t been?”

You shook your head. “Been lots of places, but never Italy.”

“Well, we’re going to have to show you a good time. What hotel are you in?” he asked.

You got out your phone and pulled up your reservation to show Rich.

“Ha! Well, gonna be tough to stay incognito, that’s where Jensen’s staying.”

Of course it is, you thought. “Gonna be hard to surprise him if we’re in the same hotel.”

“Sweetheart, we’ve done a lot of ops together, we’ve hung out backstage and slept together and I didn’t recognize you. And, let’s face it, guys don’t exactly notice things even when we’re looking for them.”

“True,” you agreed. “Do I really look that different?”

He hemmed and hawed a little, “No, but enough. You just seem like you’re in a really good headspace, too.”

“What hotel are yall in?”

You and Rich talked for a while, then you had a meal, watched a movie, and hit the restroom before you decided to sleep. You took off the Dean flannel Jensen left at your house and put it on, grabbed a blanket from one of the flight attendants, got cozy, and shut off your brain. You’d gotten a lot better about getting your sleep when you could get it and managed to get some good hours in before Rich woke you up for landing.

About two hours after landing, you were standing in the most beautiful hotel room you had ever been in. Jensen had steered you in the right direction, but you should have suspected that he would be there, too. Your room had high ceilings and floor to ceiling windows that overlooked a view you couldn’t possibly have planned when you selected the hotel, the Coliseum. It was nice to have such a beautiful room, in a beautiful city. It would have been nice to share it with someone, like Jensen, but you didn’t want to dwell on it. Instead, you threw open the drapes and soaked in the view. It was absolutely stunning.

Eventually, you grabbed your phone and turned it off airplane mode. Ten minutes later, your phone caught up and 13 hours of missed texts, phone calls and emails all flooded your phone at once. You called your mom first and let her know everything was fine, after which she went on to tell you all of the places you should visit while you were there. You reminded her that you were there for the convention and would be lucky if you got to see more of the city. She made you promise to not go alone and you assured her that Rich would look after you.

Amelia, your publisher, had emailed you three times though she knew you were on your way to Rome. Rather than continue to let her stress levels rise, you got your laptop out of your luggage to respond to her properly. She talked to you on chat and an hour later, she had the files and updates she needed from you to be satisfied. The last to be addressed were the text messages.

Your friend, and freelance employee, Jen, texted asking if you were dead in a ditch. You assured her you were not and sent her a selfie of yourself in front of your hotel window and the coliseum in the background. She then called you on video messenger and you ended up showing her your whole room and the view.

You saved Jensen for last. Once you’d responded to everyone, you checked to see if he sent you a text yet. You scrolled down to check for any unread messages from J. Wayne. Only one unread message was left, and it was, indeed, from a Mister Jay Wayne. It merely read, “Here. 419.”

You: Did you have a good flight?

Jay: Must have. Slept the whole way. Wide awake.

You: Is anyone else at the hotel with you?

Jay: No. Just me.

You pushed ‘send’ next to his name. It rang twice before he answered.

“Really, Jay? Two rings before you pick up? I was just texting you.

“Had another call,” he said cryptically.

That feeling of unease came back. “Jay, what happened?”

The deafening silence was bothering you.

“You better tell me,” you ordered. “I’ll figure it out one way or another.”

“Leave it at, I had a bad day.”

“Is there anything I can do to make it a better day? Do you want to watch a movie with me? Wait, what time is it there?”

“Two PM. I feel like it’s the middle of the night, but I slept on the plane.”

“Do you want distractions or solutions?” you asked.

“Isn’t it like 3 AM there?”

“I don’t know man, I’m talking to you and don’t give a shit what time it is. Besides, I’m at work and it’s boring as fuck.”

“That why you waited to call me back?”

“Jay, it’s a federal facility, there are places where phones aren’t allowed. I couldn’t call back until now.”

“Why do you still insist on having a job? Aren’t you writing and publishing like crazy? Aren’t you getting a big fan base? You’re getting a movie made. You don’t have to have an hourly pay job anymore.”

Why, so I can follow you around like I clearly am already doing? You thought. That realization was not new to you. More than once, he had asked you to be closer to him but you had told him no. The circumstances had always been wrong. If you were going to be, even in the same city, you felt like it would be dangerous and that was partly why you didn’t tell him you were in Rome. Sometimes you felt like he treated you like a security blanket who would always be there to make him feel better.

“I sell books, but I don’t make as much as you might think. So I need a job to have financial security. I don’t have the luxury to drop everything and run to you whenever you get your feelings hurt. I’m not someone you can use up and throw away when you get your fill. Now I get that you’re already upset about something, but you’re taking it out on me for some reason, but I don’t know what that is because you won’t tell me. So unless you want to talk about it, I need to get back to work. You better get your shit together before your panel tomorrow.” Not hearing a response of any kind, you checked to see if the call were still connected. Seeing the timer ticking by on the call, you ended it by saying, “Call me after your first event,” and hit the ‘end’ button.

All day Friday, you were either checking out the con vendors or going on self-guided tours in the city. Staying busy like that not only helped improve your mood, but also your adjustment to Rome time. All of the walking actually made your legs hurt. What didn’t hurt was your proximity to the Colosseum. A mere two minute walk away, you took advantage of your location and saw as much as you could.

On Saturday, you decided to get fancy for the con and the panels. Jensen had a panel around eleven and that was when you were going to make your presence in Rome known. Since you’d gotten fit, you’d bought new clothes for the con and it made you feel good to look good and healthy. You put on designer jeans, white t-shirt and a light jacket that had a Burberry plaid on it, and chose a heeled black boot to finish off the outfit. Your hair had blonde highlights and you used products to enhance your naturally wavy hair. When you were happy with your look, you grabbed your handbag filled with what you needed and left your room.

You managed to keep a low profile at JIB as far as guest speakers went. You were pretty sure Rich was the only one who knew you were there, maybe Rob, but you weren’t such good friends that you would be discussed among them and you were glad of it. Your anonymity had become precious to you with the hoopla around your books.

As soon as the doors opened for Jensen’s panel, you went inside and found your seat, waiting for the announcement that his panel would begin. You snapped a few pictures to send to Jen later. Ten minutes into your wait, the seats all around you had filled in and the room was abyss with excitement.

When they finally called him out, you were practically on pins and needles, too. He looked good and happy as usual and was extremely entertaining. You snapped a few more pictures of him for Jen and sent them immediately. You listened to a few people ask their questions and through the process, his gaze never really landed on you, until you shot your hand up for a question. The motion caught his attention and you locked eyes with him.

“This lady here,” he pointed at you.

You looked for the attendant to hand you a microphone.

“Oof. Hi. I’m a little nervous,” you said into the microphone.

Jensen smiled, “You’re doing fine.”

“I was wondering if you have a favorite vacation memory from  when you were a kid.”

His grin got bigger. “Oh wow. American. Did you come here just for this? Or do you have other plans?”

“No, I came to meet up with a friend. He recommended a hotel and it’s really close to the city center and has some great walking tours I was hoping to do with him.”

“Is he at the same hotel as you? Hmm, seems like there is a story there,” he was playful.

“You have no idea,” you said.

“So back to your question,” he got back on track, “It’s funny you should ask. I was supposed to go to a camp and I missed the bus. It made my parents mad ‘cause they had a hotel getaway planned and I ruined it, so, they made me go with ‘em.” The audience responded. “Yeah, none of us were happy about it. So we’re in the lobby and this person walks right into me and their stuff goes flying and I see that they are about the same age as me. We hang out, have a good time. They kicked my ass at skeeball. I’m still pissed about it. At the time we said we would be pen-pals.” The audience aww’s. “I know. It’s some cute shit. We still write.” He nodded to the reaction again. “This person is one of my dearest friends to this day. Thanks for the question.”

“Thank you.”

“Good memory,” he grinned at you.

The rest of the panel went great and Jensen was in a great mood the whole time. The panel flew by and before you knew it, his time was up and you were gathering your things to go grab lunch.

“Miss? Excuse me?”

You hadn’t even noticed the woman approaching you. You assumed she worked for the convention.

“Yes?”

“Are you Nova?” You nodded. “Please come with me. Daniella would like to see you.”

“Daniella Daniella? As in promoter of this show, wants to see me?” you were shocked, but gathered your things quickly when she nodded yes. You could only assume that Jensen had told her his nickname for you.

The woman led you up onto the stage and down through to the back to the private area set up for the talent. You found out, through small-talk, that her name was Samantha and she was working her 3rd JIB for Daniella. Finally, she stopped at a set of double doors and led you inside to what turned out to be a talent greenroom. You didn’t see Daniella.

The sight of him never failed to make your heart do an extra hard jump in your chest. It didn’t matter how much time had passed, he never lost that Texas cowboy stance, bow legs and all. He may have been wearing work boots, jeans and t-shirt, but he could have been wearing a suit and you still would have thought, “there’s my cowboy.”

Jensen turned at the sound of the door closing. He stood there a moment to fully register that you really were there with him in Italy. His right shoulder dropped and a grin settled on his handsome features.

“There she is,” he came toward you with arms stretched wide.

You went to him, arms up high. He squeezed the hell out of you lifting your feet off the floor. For giggles, he gave you a little bounce and your back popped from top to bottom eliciting a moan of surprise from you.

“I love it when you do that,” he whispered in your ear.

You smacked his shoulder, “Dude, stop!” You couldn’t help but smile. “Does this mean you got your shit together?” you asked.

He shook his head, “Not even a little, but I’m going to make the best of this trip.”

“Are you going to tell me?”

“Not now, but eventually,” he said.

You didn’t respond right away and looked up at him, searching his face for clues. “Okay. Can I ask, why did you want me to come?”

“You’re my friend and I want my other friends to know you. You’re my friend. They’re my friends. We should all be friends.”

“Such a dork. You’re lucky any of us are willing to be seen with you.”

“I know.” He put his arm around you and introduced you to everyone.

After being in the green room, you ended up spending the rest of the weekend with Jensen and his friends. You could not have asked for a better time. You got to sit backstage and see all of the panels and talk with his friends while they were waiting. It was all just really nice.

One night, the whole group met at your hotel and walked around the city center and landed at an outdoor cafe that was near a huge fountain. Everyone was eating food, drinking drinks and having a good time. You all assumed the camera flash was from the friends group.

You were getting tired and very relaxed, so you were leaning over onto the table, using your arm and table to prop you up while you talked to Jensen, who was practically doing the same thing. *flash* Then Rich came over to you to pull you out of your seat to do some shenanigans with him and the other boys by the fountain. It wasn’t until everyone was practically on the way home to the States that the shit hit the fan.

You happened to be on the same flight to the US as Jensen and you both were sitting in the airport when he got the call from Dee. You were busy looking out the windows trying to soak in all of the sights, but you could still hear almost everything, and it wasn’t good.

The one phrase you could hear quite clearly was, “The pictures are everywhere, Jensen. What am I supposed to think?!”

You tried not to react to her obvious and somewhat justified anger at Jensen. Instead, you immediately searched for new pictures of Jensen on Google and saw exactly why she was mad. You and Jensen had only been talking and telling each other funny stories. You’d even nearly fallen asleep at that table and that was when Rich came to get you. Whomever the photographer was had caught you as you’d nearly bounced your head off the table and Jensen reached out to break your fall. In reality, he was only checking to see if you’d hit your head on the table, but it looked like he was tenderly touching your face. No matter how many times he told Dee he was just checking for an injury, she wouldn’t believe him. As innocent as the pictures were, it was the headlines and speculation that dealt the most damage.

You could barely hear him now and you could tell, in the window reflection, that he was trying not to lose his temper. Thankfully, it was still very early and there weren’t a lot of people to witness the exchange.

As discreetly as you could, you went over to the ticket counter and asked if you could change flights. When they told you what it would cost to change flights and availability, or to change seats on your current flight, you were trying to make a decision on what to do. In the middle of discussing options, Jensen snuck up on you and asked what you were doing.

“Checking for alternate seating and other flights back to the states,” you answered.

“No, you’re not,” he said, matter-of-fact.

“Is this man bothering you?” the gate attendant asked.

“No, it’s okay. He’s not bothering me. Can I come back in a few minutes?” She nodded and said, “of course,” then Jensen pulled you away to talk.

“Why are you changing flights?” he asked.

“Jensen…” you began, “I could hear Dee.”

He sighed, looking up at the ceiling.

“I don’t want to upset her more by showing up in Chicago with you. Plus, people not knowing my face is one thing I am extremely happy about. I don’t want any publicity at all and this is the bad kind for you. I may still be able to get away with denying everything, but what about you? What are you going to do?”

“Tell the truth, if anyone asks. You and I need to talk,” he said, looking very serious.

The two of you found the quietest corner in the airport that you could find and Jensen finally told you the reason he was in a sour mood when he arrived in Rome. 

“Jensen, I’m so sorry,” you said.

“It’s not your fault,” he said. This is all on me. “All you ever wanted was a friend and to follow your dream, just like me.”

“Has she said anything else?”

“No, not yet.”

“Think she will?”

He shrugged.

“Jay, I really am sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

The last text he had sent Y|N was before the fight was asking if she was going to JIB. Dee made her feelings known that she did not like the nature of his relationship with Y|N, saying they were way too close to only be friends. Maybe it had been a mistake to tell Dee he had only kissed her one time and it had been over ten years before he even met Dee. They just had a closeness that only friends of over twenty years could have.

February 2016

Soft, non-descript music played over the sound system. It was oddly quiet for the enormous amount of people he knew were inside. He signed the book with his usual “Jay Wayne” and walked toward the double doors. People were still mingling, but he spotted Y|N at the front, sitting by herself, staring straight ahead.

He moved his way through the crowds of people as he tried to get to Y|N. He didn’t see her mom or brother as he weaved his way to the front. He sidestepped into the row and sat on the pew next to her. She barely acknowledged his presence. He put his hand over her and she turned her wrist to clasp his hand in return.

“How are you holding up?” he asked quietly.

“Surprisingly well. Got a lot of my crying out of the way already. But I went a little crazy at the store. Saw a friend and I honestly don’t remember what I said to him…and I never see anyone I know there. It was weird.”

“I thought Sir would always be around to scare the shit out of me.”

“His brothers are here.”

“Thee brothers?”

She nodded. “Don’t worry, they’re old men in bad hats.”

Jensen looked around and picked out the three men in hats he suspected to be Y|N’s uncles.

“They look like guys who have seen and done things.”

“That’s fair,” she responded. A few beats passed, “I can’t believe he’s gone, Jay.”

He put his arm behind her on the pew and she moved closer to him.

“I knew something was off at Thanksgiving, even then it was still too late…” she said.

“Then you know there wasn’t anything you could have done differently.”

“Oh I know, but I’m still mad. He should have been at a desk job instead of still out on job sites. My uncle took him from me. Took away any special moments we should have had. Took him from his grandchildren… by the way, I’m an aunt again, but my nephew will never know him. He will never get to walk me down the aisle.” The rage willed up inside her. “I will never forgive him. I hope he feels guilty for the rest of his miserable life and rots in the misery of it.”

“Do we need to go outside?” he asked, leaning to talk into her ear.

“No, I’m fine. I’ll just do what I always do, shove it deep down inside where it can fester instead of telling every last motherfucker in here exactly what I think of them.”

“Okay, we’re going outside.”

  He stood up with her and took her hand to lead her through the crowds of people and met her mom on the way.

“Oh Jensen, you came. That’s so good of you.” she said and she noticed Y|N behind him.

“Of course. I’m very sorry for your loss. I’m sorry, but I need to get her outside…”

“Oh boy, I know that look. Through those doors and to the left, then right,” she pointed the way.

He didn’t waste time and got her outside. It was like watching a piece of hot metal skittering around in a cold pan. She was literally so hot, she was practically steaming in the cold air.

“He’s got some fucking balls showing his face here. He didn’t even recognize me at the hospital, or so he said. I haven’t changed that much! That sonofabitch worked his own brother to death! Always sending him and his crew out to fix what my cousin’s incompetent crew fucked up. Do you know he never even gave my dad a raise in all the years he worked for him? Not once, Jay. But my dad was too good of a person to ask, but he shouldn’t have had to do that of his own brother. Of course, there probably wasn’t anything left to give after all the scams he ran to embezzle money out of his own company.”

Jensen looked around and noticed a crowd had formed. He tried to calm her, but she needed to say what she needed to say.

“How does a piece of shit human like him continue to suck air and MY DAD IS DEAD?! I hope the guilt of what he’s done eats him up inside until there’s nothing left. All my dad ever did was try to get along with everyone and you just used him and used him til you got what you needed and he never even so much asked for a thank you from you. You should all be ashamed of yourselves!”

An old woman started walking toward Y|N. “That’s enough now. You’re embarrassing yourself.”

“Don’t you take another step toward me you two-faced blowhard, bitch. You’re just as bad as him,” she pointed at her uncle. “Maybe even worse because you suck up to him. Why’d you even come back here? You were already retired in Florida. Did you think Bob was going to share his stolen wealth with you? Did you think he would help you in any way whatsoever? Who was it that showed up when you needed help? It sure as fuck wsn’t Bob! My dad didn’t even want this service, but you browbeat and conned my brother into convincing my mother to have it! Do you have enough attention now, Faye, or should I continue?”

It was then that her brother came through the crowd, pushed Jensen’s arm away, picked Y|N up and carried her about thirty feet further back in the funeral parking lot.

“What the hell are you doing?” Jarrod was angry.

“Telling the truth,” she answered.

Jarrod was fuming. “I’m not going to say anything of what you said was wrong, but this wasn’t the time to do it. What about Mom?”

“She agrees with me! Do you even listen to her? You’re so blinded by all of the shit they do, Jarrod,” she stood toe to toe with her much larger brother.

Jarrod’s face was red with anger, or maybe it was embarrassment, at what Y|N had said. Jarrod turned to Jensen, “Handle her.”

Jarrod walked back toward the now somewhat dissipated crowd and talked to them. His already loud voice carried on the breeze, “If anyone here doesn’t like what my sister had to say, you may leave at any time. It will not be discussed any further at this service. Please go back inside if you want to stay.”

Jensen took off his suit jacket and put it around Y|N’s shoulders. Her anger unload had left her shivering and in a sobbing mess. He put his arms around her and let her cry it out. It took five agonizing minutes of grief sobs for her to eventually slow down and breathe normally again.

“You must think I’m crazy,” she said softly, clutching his now well-used pocket square.

“Where I’m from, we call women like you ‘spicy”.” he said gently walking her back toward the funeral home.

“Do you believe me?”

“Never known you to lie, Y|N.’

They stepped inside and she gave him back his jacket.

“Do you want to stay or go to your mom’s?” he asked.

She shook her head, “No. We’re staying and whomever doesn’t look me in the eye is someone who is guilty. You watch.”

He did, indeed, watch and she wasn’t wrong. People avoided her gaze, either out of the guilt she suspected, or to avoid her wrath from whatever reason. Some smiled at her in sympathy and a few came to check on her. The cousins he remembered from the races were among those who checked on her. The older one commented how Y|N got both her mom & dad’s temper before giving her a hug and moving on.

Eventually they were back outside again for the military honors which ended the memorial service. He stood away from the immediate family seating, but close enough to step in if needed. His heart hurt for her, seeing her jump out of her skin during the rifle salute.

She was getting up from her seat and Jensen’s attention was drawn to a bottle blonde who may have, at one time, been attractive and was now very wrinkled and unnaturally tan. She was watching Y|N too intently for his liking.

Sure enough, as soon as Y|N was somewhat on her own, the blonde made her move. She marched right over to Y|N and nearly shoved her in her rapid approach.

“What is wrong with you?!” she hissed.

“Does the truth hurt? Can’t help but notice none of you are trying to deny anything. Tell me, how much company money was spent bailing out Junior when he got picked up, repeatedly, for DUI? Y|N wasn’t keeping her voice down. “Did you call it ‘office expenses’?”

Jensen didn’t interfere, but he was right beside her, ready.

“What gives you the right to talk about us like that? As if you don’t have skeletons in your closet?”

“My skeletons don’t include embezzlement, baby daddies, alcoholic siblings, abortions, or fraud spanning years. In fact, my skeleton is pretty fucking epic, but your skanky ass will never hear it from me. One day, you’ll just know, and in that moment, it will be my big Fuck You to all of you criminals.”

Jensen swooped in and pulled her out of the situation and got her to the Range Rover he got at the airport. It still surprised him that such a small city always had a new Range Rover for him to rent.

“Feel better?” he asked, with them both safely inside the locked car.

“Yeah,” she answered quickly. “That felt really, really good.”

He started the car. “Spicy, spicy. I swear, it’s never dull around you.”

At your parents’ house, you made sure to pull your mom aside.

“I’m sorry if what I did causes any problems for you,” you apologized.

“Honey, don’t worry about it. They had it coming as far as I’m concerned,” she assured you. “Just be careful around them. They play dirty.”

“Mm,” you’d thought of that after the fact. “I text my lawyer already. If they want to do something, I’m ready.”

Your mom gave you a devious look, “Did Shelley give you good stuff?”

“Lawyer was happy,” you confirmed.

She looked up at you like you were some kind of mastermind. She wasn’t wrong considering the fact that you’d been gathering information for years, evidence, before you even knew your father was dying. Your lawyer felt criminal, maybe even federal, charges could be filed if you simply gave the word.

“If I haven’t said so recently, or told you enough, I’m so proud of you,” your mom pulled you down for a hug. “I saw Jensen was looking after you.”

“Yeah, he’s a good guy to have in my corner.”

“Did he seem okay to you?” she asked.

You gave her a pointed look. “Are Donna and Alan here?” Your mom only asked questions like that for a reason.

“No,” she said, “they’ll be here tomorrow, though.”

“Very cryptic, mother,” you said. You looked around to see if you could spot where Jensen was hiding.

“Better find him before the girls do,” your mom said, meaning your cousins. Two of them were married, but not the oldest of the three sisters, however, they were all wildcards

Thankfully, or maybe not, you found him sitting on the bed in your childhood bedroom.

“How do you always find the most embarrassing things about me?” you said from the door.

“I can’t believe I’ve never been here before,” he put down the unicorn snow globe your dad got for you.

“Dad got me that at an airport because he was away on a work trip on my birthday,” you told him. “I don’t remember anything else I got that year, but I remember that.”

You sat on the bed next to him.

“Thank you for being here, Jay. I really don’t know what I would do without you,” you put your head on his shoulder. “How’s everything with you?”

“Could be better, could be worse,” he admitted. “Nothing I really want to talk about right now.”

“Understood. You know you can tell me, though, right?”

“Yeah, I do,” he nodded.

“Okay,” you knew better than to push. If he wanted to talk, he would. He probably just needed to work out the details in his head first.

“Remember Rome?” he asked a few moments later.

“How could I forget? Everything was so incredible,” you said.

He nodded, “Remember Danneel and I arguing?”

“Oh no, has something else happened?”

“We’ve been going to counseling and it’s not going well. She’s mad I’m here. Thinks I give you too much attention still.”

You let go of his hand and turned your body away from his so you could see his face. Jensen adjusted to do the same.

“So what do you need to tell me?” you asked. Your stomach hurt all over again. You didn’t want to hear the words you knew were coming.

“The thing is, she’s not wrong. I don’t want to get divorced if there’s a chance. If you don’t hear from me, you know why.”

Of course you understood, you just never thought it would be nearly total silence. Then, out of the blue, you would receive a thick letter or a box from anywhere but Texas. In the boxes would be snow globes, or a piece of glass he thought you would like and lots of letters. Other times you would receive a postcard of a pretty landscape and only signed “J”.

While you missed your friend with a terrible ferocity, it made you happy to know he still thought about you and missed you, too. The letters that came in the box were often 3x their usual length because he still told you everything, they would just show up months and months after they happened.

When your doorbell rang, you thought it was the mailman bringing you another box from Jensen. You went down the steps to answer the door with a little light in your step. You could see a man through the frosted window and you knew something was different.

If you’d bet $5 on who could have been on the other side of the door, you would have lost $5. When you opened the door, you were utterly stunned to see a very tall, dark, and handsome Dan looking back at you.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

“I don’t know if I can do that without yelling,” you were honest. “I have very strong feelings, Dan.”

“I know and I deserve that. I still want to talk,” he said.

You looked around behind him. “Where’s Martin? He must be lurking somewhere.”

“It’s just me.”

“No Roscoe, either?”

“Fully solo, I swear.” 

Somehow, you found yourself opening the door to him, allowing him into your home.

Dan had been surprisingly apologetic and admitted how wrong he had been getting involved with another woman.

“Got anything to say about leaving me high and dry in a hospital after losing your baby?” you asked, hearing the acid in your voice.

“I don’t have any excuses, or any explanation where what I did would make sense. I went to therapy, too…and…”

“Do you have a coherent thought in there or are you wasting my time again?”

“That’s the thing, I don’t think I ever gave you the right attention. I never let you get too close. I didn’t want to fall in love with you.”

“Yeah, that was painfully clear, Dan.”

“I did, though…fall in love with you.”

“Oh really?”

“I was hoping,” he began, “we could try again. Us. As a couple. What do you think?”

“Man, you’ve got some balls on you. Why on earth would I do that, so you can shit-stomp my heart again?”

“All I’m asking for is a second chance. We had something before. We can start fresh.”

“Huh. I thought you were going to be corny and say ‘Hi, I’m Dan’ or something like that.”

“I’m dead serious.”

He sat with his hands clasped in front of him on the island. He seemed sincere and remorseful, but you didn’t trust a word out of his mouth.

“I appreciate the sentiment, Dan, but I’m going with ‘no’ on this.” you took the few steps to the door. “You abandoned me at my lowest point after cheating on me. I want to believe you, but I know I will never trust you again.”

You opened the door wide and swung your free arm with your finger pointed to the exit. 

“Wish I could say it was good to see you. Tell your parents I said “hi” and tell Dee she can go fuck herself.”

He sighed heavily as he passed the threshold. “For what it’s worth, I really am sorry.”

“Good! You should be! And I do NOT forgive you. Now get the fuck gone. You’re good at that.”

And you had gotten good at acting like things didn’t bother you. Hell, you almost believed you didn’t give a shit, yourself. But as soon as the outside door clicked shut, the tears began to well up. Your stomach had been doing flip-flops and shudders the whole time Dan had been in your apartment. It still felt like he was in the apartment with you, sucking all of the air out of your lungs. You ran for the fire escape door, flung it open and ran up the stairs.

You went over to the deck and laid down on your back. Finally, you could breathe again. Your whole apartment seemed to have a new, oppressive vibe. Everywhere there were memories that you didn’t want to remember. Your dad and Jensen, mostly… all of the useless boyfriends… You needed a change.

December 2019

You sat on the deck of your new house, bundled in a giant, cozy blanket, drinking hot chocolate in front of the fire pit. Fixings for s’mores were near you on a little table next to your chair, which happened to be one your dad made for you. You’d just opened the marshmallows when your phone rang with a video call from Jensen. You left the phone on the arm of your chair when you accepted the video call.

“Dahling, it’s been ages, how are you!?” you were giving Jay your best Edna Mode. You leaned over a little so you could see his face in the screen better. Still in Edna-mode, “My god you look like shit. Talk to me, dahling, tell me everything.”

“You done? Can I talk to my friend now?” he snipped.

“Only if you get the bug out of your ass, fun-hating party-pooper,” you replied.

“Have you heard about this corona virus thing?”

“Of course,” you answered. Suddenly the worry struck you. “Are you sick?”

“No, I’m fine, but they’re canning production. Soonest I could get out of here is tomorrow morning,” he paused. “Where are you and where’s your face? This is face-time. I wanna see your face.”

“I’m outside,” you said and smooshed your marshmallow between graham crackers and chocolate, “Making s’mores.” you showed him your completed sandwich.

“Isn’t that dangerous on the roof?” he asked.

You just stared at him in disbelief. “Jay, do you even read the letters I send you? I must have wrote about it a dozen times or more. I even sent you paint chips early on.”

The crease between Jensen’s eyebrows deepened. “I must have missed it,” he concluded.

You suspected that him missing something was not the case at all. If anything, Jensen could be meticulous to a fault.

“I built a house, Jay,” you explained. “I’m sitting outside, on my deck, wrapped in a blanket and having s’mores… probably for dinner.” You shrugged after taking a bite. “It’s an acreage and I can see the stars out here.”

A few awkward moments passed before either of you spoke. Jensen went out onto the balcony at his apartment in Vancouver. 

“Congrats on the house, Y|N,” he said, finally. “I’m glad you have somewhere you can be in case this shit goes sideways. …do you have protection?”

You snickered, your mind had all of the dirty comments, but you answered seriously “Um, yeah, I’m all set. The house is actually ready for almost anything. And yes, I have a security system and various… implements if needed. Pantry is stocked. Lots of land for a garden. All of the streaming services,” you could see him nod with each item you listed. “What about you? You gonna make it in Austin okay?” he rolled his eyes. “You know Texas takes their yee-haw too far. I hope the gate is sturdy at your house.”

“If they make us lockdown, I’ll be in Austin with Danneel.” he said. “We got all the things, too,” he said with finality.

You’d finished your s’more and wished you’d spiked your hot chocolate.

“Do you think it will happen?” you asked.

“I don’t know, but if we do, I just wanted to make sure you were good to go. You wanna show me around the new digs?”

“Nah, I’m feeling pretty lazy right now,” you held up the phone over your head to show him what little could be seen with the dim lighting you had on. “That’s as good as you’re getting tonight.”

“Not decorating for Christmas? And what is that?,” he leaned forward as if he would somehow get a better look, “is that cement?”

“Nosy.”

“I bet the neighbors love that,” he teased.

You adjusted in your chair. “The neighbors can’t see shit. Closest one is at least a mile away, plus there’s trees, hills and the river. You can’t even see the house from the road.”

“There it is. I was wondering what got you out of the apartment; the river.”

You shrugged, “It’s partly why I bought the land. It was hard to be in the apartment.”

“How come?”

Sometimes he could be so oblivious. “All I could see up there were memories I didn’t want to think about anymore. Reminders that I’m never anyone’s first choice. Maybe I’ll get a dog.” You felt the sting in your eyes and the burning feeling in your nose hit you hard. You took a deep breath and cleared your throat to cut off the feelings of loneliness that were threatening to spill out in a torrent.

Sadly, you knew he thought you were talking about all of the ex boyfriends you had and not considering he may be one of the reasons you couldn’t stay at the apartment any longer.

“Dude, no. Just… don’t get a dog. And I’m sorry. Are you renting it out, or what?”

“Yeah, my mom, actually. She needed to get away from memories, too,” you said.

“She doin’ good? Give her my best,” he said. When you nodded, he continued, “So, when is the next smut book coming out?”

“Jay, it’s not smut. … It’s not all smut. People compare me both to Nicholas Sparks and Hallmark and Danielle Steel, so I’m not quite sure what to make of that, but it’s not all smut. People really like romance and I’m told I put good little bits of humor in, too.”

“Are you ever going to use me as a muse?”

You never knew what to think of him asking that. Did he want you to think of him as a romantic partner?

“No. Stop asking. I told you I have you in mind for something else.”

“What ever happened with that?” he asked.

“I’ve published a few books,” you said.

“What? You have?” the crease between his brows was back. “You didn’t tell me that.”

Your career had only amounted to something when you finally got over your fear of letting anyone read your stories. You didn’t even know if you would have been able to write at all if you were with Jensen. Even so, you couldn’t help but feel like you’d missed out on a life with him.

“Because I didn't want you to know. You know how it is. It’s doing good though. Just leave it alone, okay?”

He couldn’t. “So I’m guessing it’s not under Nova Scott?”

“Jensen. Stop.”

It was really good to see him and it had been too long since the last time. You always felt better after talking to him, even when he was in a pissy mood. When you got the Face-Time calls, you finally felt like you were whole again. And after you hung up, you were back to missing him. 

Pandemic 2020-2022

As far as your career went, you couldn’t have asked for better conditions. People were reading books like crazy and you had never written as consistently, or as much, as you had prior to that time. You quit your full-time job and got a job at the local grocery store with part-time hours. With all of your “free time”, you learned how to make soap and got prolific at crochet and cranked out a ton of scarves, blankets, potholders and coasters.

It was working at the grocery store, where you would get a little downtime, and could have a chance to look at the magazines and tabloids. Rumors on the tabloids speculated that Jensen and Danneel were talking to divorce lawyers. Since it was a tabloid, you didn’t give it much credence. But, several months later, when People Magazine picked up the story, your heart sank. As much as you didn’t like Dee, you knew the rumors had to be true and Jensen was surely hurting.

The pandemic had thrown a lot of lives into a turmoil that many had never faced before. Not every couple survived. Jensen being forced to slow down and not work so hard probably didn’t help matters. There were times when you tried to call him during his life’s upheaval, but for whatever reason, he didn’t take your call. You almost called his mom to see how he was doing, but you didn’t. When a year and a half passed with minimal contact from him, the tabloids showed Jensen out on the town with a new woman every few months. It stung that he didn’t want you. After all you had been through together, you thought maybe your time had finally come where you could finally be Jensen & Y|N.

You were trying to not see too much about what was going on, but it was hard not to notice the chatter on social media. Usually, if Jensen or Jared were out on the town, it was Jared who made headlines. After Dee, it was Jensen, and whatever flavor of the month, was on his arm.

If he had been with you, maybe you would have been able to keep him from spiraling into whatever dark hole he was falling into. He was still together enough to get a job with Kripke again and started weight training for the role. When he posted progress pictures, you couldn't believe your eyes. Not only was he looking more like himself again, but he was also very hairy and muscular… You learned from a fan site that the pictures were old and he was already planning his next job, a movie with Alec Baldwin… he hadn’t even told you that… It felt like you were drifting away from him with any form of communication almost non-existent, not even a letter.

When the incident on the set of “Rust” happened and got to the press, you texted him to see if he was okay, but all you got in response was a house emoji a few hours later. And that was it. Radio silence.

A couple of months after “Rust”, Donna called you out of the blue.

“Hello?” you answered.

“Y|N? Hon, have you heard from my boy?” Donna asked, a worried note crept into her voice.

Your blood ran cold. Donna couldn’t contact him.

“Not since Arizona,” you said. “How long since you heard from him?”

“Same time. We’ve checked with everyone else already. We were hoping he was with you.”

“No, ma’am,” the gravity of the situation pulled you down into your kitchen table chair. “I haven’t seen him in person since before covid. No letters in over a year.”

“I need you to find him. A whole new mess has cropped up. Some hussy saying terrible things,” she paused, noticing you didn’t say anything. “You haven’t heard… it’s all over TMZ. Y|N, I need you to find him and help him.”

“I…,” you didn’t know where to begin. “I don’t know how I’m going to find him if you can’t track him down.”

She sighed. “I don’t know that anyone but you can find him. You are his best friend, hon. He loves you so much . Nothing would stop him if it were you. And sweetie,” she paused, “he won’t come back for anyone but you. I’m sure of it.”

“I’ll find him.”

You didn’t have to dig too deep to find what Donna was talking about. A woman claiming to be a girlfriend of his sold pictures of him, passed out, to TMZ saying he was on a bender. That wasn’t the worst part. She also sold pictures of herself with injuries, claiming that Jensen had caused them. Just by looking at the pictures, you could tell something wasn’t quite right with her story. You believed the injuries were real, but not that Jensen was responsible. He would never raise a hand to a woman.

The only thing you could think to do was go to your box of Jensen letters and search for anything you thought might help. It took a couple days to read through them all. You narrowed it down to the more obscure postal codes and worked out from there. After researching everything from land purchases to DMV records and tons of phone calls, you’d created a list of three potential places to check out.

You closed your laptop and looked around at your house before picking up your phone.

“Mom, I need you to look after my house for a while.”

[teslacoils-and-hubris]

Meet DAN, your Digital Assistant Network AI companion who totally doesn't have any corrupted files haha no way ignore the glitches it must be your monitor :)

I imagine him as kind of like giffany from gravity falls if she was an evil alexa instead of a dating sim love interest, able to flick between various electronics and sort of control them but also he isn't able to bypass most security controls or pass the are you a robot test so he's basically harmless. So long as you aren't susceptible to an annoying guy putting appointments in your calander to "take over the world" than youre fine

He doesn't have any sort of physical body aside from the little portable speaker Lab Rat sometimes carries him around in, the model is basically a low poly digital avatar with lots of clipping problems and floating aspects. I think he used to be more blandly coloured and well put together, but the file corruption that turned him evil fucked with his model too