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hccn-overseer · 2 years ago

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Issue 3, 4/29/2023 - The Overseer

Issue Masterpost About the Overseer

This week's news is once again accompanied by a PDF version of your latest news brought to us once again by the lovely Cheer! Pick it up right here for your viewing pleasure!

The Hermitcitizen Hub seems to have tapered off growth right around 640 citizens, but we may have jinxed it, please keep us up to date. This week, a new set of roles has been added so you can let your fellow citizens know if you can be pinged! New rules have been added for your comfort, safety, and pleasure, so ensure you go check those out! Mod applications are still open, and ModMail has been added so you can contact existing Mods easier. On to the news!

We are gathered here today due to the passing of Sirius_Buisness. It led a long and wonderful life. The cause of death was Geminislay. While it was surprising, it was not shocking. While it worked for The Overseer it was fought over, with many of the Newspaper Club declaring their love and fighting for who was Sirius’ favourite. Sirius mentioned that its list of favourite people were in order: People who bribed it, Newspaper Club, and then everyone else. It started after the fall of the court, a Gardening Club in which it grew Anemone and Sampaguita. The deceased is survived by The Overseer and the Gardening Club. The Overseer asks the readers to please give Sirius’s family and friends some peace at the moment.

The deceased asks for you to bring 12 shulker boxes of Sampaguita to The Crastle. Donations of customised socks with its face printed on them and one pair with a photo of King Ren when he was asleep and looked silly would be greatly appreciated. The more socks, the merrier. Donations of clicky pens and diamonds would be greatly appreciated at The Overseer. Sirius’ debt collector has been told to go to the Gardening Club and ask for Tulips.

The readers are reminded that at Sirius’ funeral, there will be jousting to determine who will get to marry Sirius once it decides to make its return. Please remember to bring your anvil protection gear and/or your anvils. To remember it, we ask that you wear neon colours.

Written by Winter

Now onto other news below the cut!

Affiliate Happenings

By Roo

The affiliate guilds of the Hermitcitizen Hub have been busy, discussing important things, pranking anyone who crosses their path, and just plain chilling and drinking tea! So, without further ado, let’s take a look at what they’re up to!

Bdoubleo: He's just a little guy!! They’ve been discussing their favorite silly moments (as they should).

Cubfan135: Apparently it’s 1,508 days since fletching table functionality was promised. Mojang, for your safety and ours, please listen to the Cub affiliates. They are right.

Docm77: I think we should be concerned. They’ve decided that instead of making a union or merch, they’re just going to replace all redstone diamonds with magenta glazed terracotta. Please steer clear of the perimeter if you’re the sort to blindly follow directions.

EthosLab: The only reason anyone goes to his area is to check on the dolphins.

FalseSymmetry: They're excited for False, Ren, Scar X, and Joe Hills to be playin some No Man's Sky together! Sounds like a blast. (Please tell us we're funny. We're unpaid interns, we take anything we can get.)

GoodTimesWithScar: Someone hired a charged creeper. Please. Again, for your safety and ours, a charged creeper is not a good employee.

Grian: The Rift tastes like grape juice, battery acid, wasabi peas, and has the texture of stale Cheerios. No, don’t ask how they found that out. Yes, The Rift is right down there if you want to pop down a medical services tent. The Fixer team is also experimenting with ways to play Just Dance and DDR on Grumbot’s monitor! Bribes are in order, including the promise of letting Grumbot control the difficulty of dance. Join in at your own risk.

ImpulseSv: They had a lovely stream watch party!! And discussed falling off of walkways?? Hi, Minecraft, OSHA called, they’d like to schedule a tour for no reason whatsoever.

Iskall85: Hallo.

Joehills: Affirmative nodding. Yes. Joe Hills indeed.

Keralis: Keralis has a hype squad now! That’s awesome, ngl. :)

Mumbo Jumbo: Mango Jumbo. The sus has returned. They’re still talking about redstone. I got scared even looking in the channel.

Pearlescentmoon: She <3!!!! (got squished in a hydraulic press)

Rendog: I can see the founding of the King’s court. This will surely lead to good and not suing the former king. Surely.

Vintagebeef: They’re just chilling! Chillin’ ‘n chatting, how lovely.

Welsknight: They’re going to make a Wels scrapbook! Drawings, anything he’s dropped in the past week, screenshots of the man himself, the hydraulic press that squished him (yes he got squished too).

Xisumavoid: Frenchsumavoid. Need we say more.

Zedaph: According to a scientist, there is a 31% chance that the reason you randomly think of Zedaph out of nowhere is because of a phenomenon known as mind control.

Zombiecleo: They’re discussing Cleo’s TCG tournaments. All is well.

Recap affiliates: How’d they get into reporting?? Oh, that sounds right up our alley. Maybe the newspaper should hire more recap reporters. We already have a couple, but hey, what’s a couple more?

Other affiliates: Most are homeless or live in the shopping district. Living in the shopping district, I must say, is a horrible idea. Warden attacks are many and days without accidents are zero.

If you do not see an affiliate channel on here, it is simply because nobody was active in the past two weeks, or that activity was simply claiming the first message.

Weekly Weather Report

By Virtual Note: Rainy has been kidnapped for the foreseeable future. Unfortunately, we don’t have the funding to pay their ransom. We wish them the best of luck on escaping.

Thursday - SUNNY, 25% chance of being challenged to a TCG match in the shopping district. Citizens are advised to bring their best decks.

Friday - WINDY, Citizens working in high areas should be wary of strong gusts. Elytra flight may be difficult to control.

Saturday - CLOUDY, GeminiTay sightings expected around Spawn Town between 1PM - 3PM (GMT). Duels are sure to follow.

Sunday - RAIN, Light showers anticipated across the server, followed by periods of clear skies. Carrying an umbrella is recommended.

Monday - STORMS, 95% chance of Bdubs sleeping before the storm gets serious. Expect clear skies by 10AM (GMT).

Tuesday - SUNNY, Fireworks expected around the Crastle between 6PM - 9PM (GMT). Avoid flying directly above the area during this time.

Wednesday - CLOUDY, 45% chance of HotGuy strikes. Note that clouds may make it more difficult to spot the vigilante from a distance.

Astrology Corner

By Winter

Have you been feeling without guidance? Do you look at your birthday and look up your star sign and wonder, “Will I get challenged by Geminitay?????” “Will I get to choose whether my horoscope will be weird?” Don’t worry, here at The Overseer, we can help you.*

Aries: You will attend a very sirius funeral :) Flip a TCG token to decide whether you will attend in a clown costume.

Taurus: You will attend to a Red Carnation which was sent to you.

Gemini: You will start a successful business. That business teaches first aid.

Cancer: Understand that once upon reading this you will be challenged by GeminiSlay to a battle. Send regrets to loved ones and respond in two-three business days.

Leo: You will become mortal enemies with the Decked Out Crew.

Virgo: You will follow a Joe Hills Tutorial on how to win a beauty contest.

Libra: You will learn how to become a babysitter.

Scorpio: On Thursday at 3:21 PM you will run into a new friend or foe, only time will tell

Sagittarius: You will provide a meditation class to combat Etho’s washed up allegations.

Capricorn: Congrats. You get to do Bungee Jumping in the Spaghetti IF you are born on the odd days of the month.

Aquarius: You will adopt something. Ask a friend for advice and whether they consent to being adopted.

Pisces: Someone you used to know will meet you in the most unexpected place. Whether it is a good or bad thing will be up to you.

All star signs: Don’t worry, you are not being watched… yet.

*Ignore how blatantly specific these are. Nothing bad will happen to you.

META REPORT: BOOMING BOOMERS!

By Arsène

After covering the top of the top, we move into a deck that (in my opinion) is just as strong, but hasn’t gone around too much. The Booming Boomers, as I’ve decided to call them, is a high-paced aggro deck focused around getting your hermits on the board and setting up a strong sweeping Impulse ® to Boomer his way through the competition! The deck certainly has other options, with the amount of extra cards it runs to mill* quickly.

*For people who do not play card games a lot, I will sometimes use terms common in other games. Milling refers to the act of quickly drawing through your deck through cards that discard cards and let you draw more. In the case of this deck, our mill cards are Fishing Rod and Flint & Steel.

DECK LIST ( ® denotes a rare version of the card in the case of hermits)

Tango ® x2

Tango x3

Impulse ® x3

Milk Bucket x1

Water Bucket x1

Diamond Armor x3

Looting x1

Bow x1

Flint & Steel x3

Fishing Rod x3

Instant Health II x3

Double Farm x1

Farm x7

Double Redstone x2

Redstone x8

PLAYING THE DECK

Like stated above, this deck is aggro and looks to set up Impulse ® with a double redstone and two Tangos on board to start using Boomer, dealing 70 damage baseline and +40 for each of the Tangos with him, up to a bonus of 80 damage. 150 damage a turn is enough to two-shot every single Hermit in the game currently. Enabling this strategy is the copies of Flnit & Steel and Fishing Rod letting you look through your deck quickly. Fishing Rod is fairly straight forward to use, with the two cards being put in without any downsides, but Flint & Steel is a bit harder, so let’s talk about using this optimally.

Flint & Steel discards your hand and allows you to draw three cards to replace this. Using this is a last case scenario, so be smart with how you use it. Do NOT use Flint & Steel if you’re going to discard Hermits while you do not have your setup on board. Once you have an Impulse ® plus any two Tangos on board, make sure you have enough items to stock up Impulse to get to Boomer. If you do not have any of the Hermits you need to set up on board, Flint & Steel becomes a priority card, as milling your hand to find them allows you to set up and sweep.

As usual, this deck has a few floater cards that can easily be swapped out for others. Both Buckets, Bow, and Looting can all be swapped out for any other active effects. Try not to grab anymore equipment cards, since your goal is to keep Impulse ® on board doing damage as much as he can, and the Diamond Armors do a great job of this. Alongside well-timed Instant Health Potions, Impulse can stay on the board for a long time with a Diamond Armor. I like holding onto one copy of the Bow because very often, an enemy can switch if a Hermit is in kill-range of a Boomer, and Bow is very often enough to kill most Hermits after one or two attacks. It also synergizes very well with the back-up plan of this deck, Tango ® and Extra Flee.

The big thing to keep in mind with this deck are your win conditions. Find Impulse ®, find any Tangos possible, equip Impulse ® to Boomer and start swinging. Start slamming items on Tango ® as a backup just in case. With the right draw and a strong start, you can quickly end a game by knocking out all Hermits on your opponent’s board before they can draw any more.

Play fast, play quick, play deadly.

That’s all for the Booming Boomers! As always, good luck players, and may you forever draw your Impulses on turn one!

Lost and Found

By Virtual

To the representative interested in claiming “Peekaboo” from last week’s Lost and Found, please meet Paint by Wings & Things in the shopping district. They will be carrying a purple shulker box and three diamonds. We will happily provide any necessary assistance to get “Peekaboo” off our hands.

The following items were collected from across the server over the past week. If you would like to report an item missing, or if you recognize any of the below items as your own, please contact us at [email protected]*

*not a real email address

Item 1: A pufferfish in a bucket named “Charles,” found in the bushes behind Twinkly Trash. Though several people have expressed interest in adopting Charles, we are making an effort to find his original owner. The fish has been temporarily relocated to an impromptu fish tank inside the Overseer offices. The tank is already being used as a desk. If Charles belongs to you, please come pick him up. He misses you.

Item 2: A piece of bedrock, found in the screeching crevice. The item was delivered to the Overseer offices late last week after a resident of Grumbot’s cave found it in the screeching crevice. The item appears to be bedrock, aside from the fact that it can be held in the palm of a player without incident. Though the bedrock is most likely fake, the implications of its existence have sparked more than one crisis in the citizens who beheld it. If it belongs to you, please collect it, and consider destroying it.

Item 3: A dusty book written in galactic, found within the bowels of Joe Hills’ pinball machine. Joe Hills, when confronted with the book, denied any ownership of the item. When translated, the book appeared to contain a list of horoscopes stretching for the next several years. Each horoscope was highly specific, to the point of being disturbing for our translator, who refused to interpret past a prediction for Libra set three weeks from the writing of this article. If the book is yours, please reach out to collect it. If you do not own the book, but can translate galactic, we encourage you to try reading a few passages for scientific purposes.

Item 4: A collection of fourteen chests in minecarts, found abandoned in the woods surrounding Scarland. The minecart chests were found when a Scarland employee tripped over them on their way to work. Despite this area of the woods being clear the previous day, the minecarts were sunk half into the ground and covered in vegetation, as though they had been slowly buried over the course of several years. Within the chests were three clocks, a diamond hoe, thirteen stacks of cobblestone, and four blocks of red concrete powder. All efforts to remove the minecarts from their half-sunken state have failed. If this chest monster belongs to you, please collect it in the woods behind Scarland Castle.

Item 5: A red shulker box stained with a rusty brown substance, found washed up on the shore near Grian’s base. The box appeared two Fridays ago and was dropped at our office door by someone claiming to be one of Grian’s employees. The player vehemently insisted it not be thrown out before vanishing as quickly as they appeared. When opened, the box smelled faintly of seawater and contained several red corals, all stained with the same brown substance as the shulker’s exterior. The stain spreads to anything the box is placed on and smells faintly of rust. When collecting this item, we suggest bringing a pair of thick gloves and perhaps a face mask.

Ask the Seers

By Seers Jester, S, Vi, and Nes

Has your favourite little guy been put into a situation they can’t get out of? Do you have questions about how a mountain appeared on top of your house last night? Question no more, for The Seers are here to help! Questions can be submitted through the ask box and are collected throughout the week.

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Dear Seers, Hello! I keep finding myself waking up from a daze in random places and almost exploding! Is there any possible way to stop this from happening? - :D

Hello, dear smiley face. It seems I have the honour of answering your question today. Tying yourself in your bed is a highly recommended idea, as is simply finding someone who will accompany you at all times of the day. Looking for wither roses in a tavern will let you meet many who are interested in such jobs, as long as there is payment on the table. You may, also, simply try not being in a daze. I have heard that a well-timed swim in a cold river could wake up even the sleepiest of beasts. - The Seers

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Dear Seers, How do you fill up someone's walls with TNT and make the said TNT not explode their house just give them a little scare? - Avoiding Property Damage

Hi, Avoiding Property Damage! You have three options here! First and foremost, have the TNT explode in a block of water so it doesn’t cause any damage to the blocks around it. This can be down in many different ways, but I suggest the ol’ single block stream of water method. Downside is unless if you’re present you can only realistically do 1 piece of TNT this way, due to all TNT having to be lit at once. Option two, ignore the walls go down under! By digging 5-7 blocks below the persons base and placing TNT you can get the full effect of how ever many TNT you want with minimal damage. However, it is possible for the TNT to push one another up into the floor causing a lot of damage. Option 3, ditch the TNT! Shriekers are your safest bet, as they cause just as loud of a noise with zero risk of property damage. However, they do cause a risk to your safety due to the method of collecting them. For legal reasons The Seers would like to clarify that it is not responsible for any property damage caused due to someone following our advice. Have fun! - The Seers

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Dear Seers, I had the most AWFUL day at spawn :(((( somebody set glitter traps EVERYWHERE and I got caught in what feels like at least twelve of them!!!! Do any of the Seer have advice to get rid of glitter? The glue is making it really hard to get rid of! And any idea whose fault this is? - The Very Sparkley, Not Vampire

Hello Not Vampire, hopefully I can be if some assistance, Hmm, I wonder if there’s a glitter related Zedvancement somewhere in the archives that could be of use… I’ll have to get back to you on that. In the meantime, step one is to figure out what type of glitter and glue is in use. I’m talking metallic, plastic, or biodegradable glitter, glue of the washable, super, or hot variety? Step two is to then design a contraption to remove both the glitter and the glue. I personally would suggest a shower or either water or acetone (depending on the type of adhesive) alongside an apparatus for removing the particles. Perhaps some sort of full body lint roller? Now that I think about it, this would be quite the useful device, I’ll look through some records and workshop some blueprints and get back to you ok? - The Seers

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Dear Seers, I’m stuck in someones walls. How do I get out? - Does This Count As Breaking And Entering

Hello Does This Count As Breaking And Entering! I hope you like the walls you’ve become trapped in, because like Grian in S7 and S8, you now live in them! Can you get out? Yes, you can. Is if funnier if you just live there until you’re discovered? Also yes. I hope you’ve enjoyed this non-help! - The Seers