#mobiusfiles

[sacredfixation]

Mobius files a report on Lokis unauthorised godly nap

TVA REPORT – INCIDENT #48955:

Unauthorized Nap During Active Investigation

Filed by: Agent Mobius M. Mobius

Subject: Laufeyson, Loki

Date: [REDACTED]

Location: Archives, Records Division

Incident Summary:

At approximately 03:32 AM TVA Standard Time, during an ongoing investigation into the Variant’s timeline hiding patterns, Loki Laufeyson fell asleep at a work desk surrounded by case files and other confidential materials. Despite earlier assurances that he “doesn’t need much sleep” and “thrives in stressful environments,” he was observed slumped over the desk, using several files as an impromptu pillow.

Initial attempts to wake Loki were unsuccessful. I briefly considered leaving him there but ultimately chose to retrieve a blanket from the supply closet and drape it over him to prevent further disruption of workflow (and, honestly, to avoid the inevitable whining about being cold upon waking).

Impact on Investigation:

Minimal. Though Loki was technically not contributing while unconscious, the downtime provided the rest of us with a brief reprieve from his constant chatter. Additionally, upon waking, he seemed more alert and oddly appreciative, albeit still insufferably smug.

Agent Commentary:

While it’s unusual for field agents-particularly self-proclaimed gods of mischief, to fall asleep during an active investigation, I recognize that even Loki Laufeyson has limits. That said, this incident raises questions about proper sleep schedules for agents engaged in long-term operations. Loki will, of course, deny needing rest, but evidence suggests otherwise.

Recommendation:

Issue Loki a personal work pillow to prevent further misuse of case files.

Schedule mandatory downtime for Loki to prevent future mid-investigation naps.

Consider making decaf available in the archives.

Status: Resolved.

(Loki woke up 45 minutes later and attempted to act like it never happened. He also kept the blanket.)

End of report

[sacredfixation]

Mobius files another formal report but this time its about how Loki misused his salad/lunch.

TVA REPORT – INCIDENT #43765: Unauthorized Use of Lunch as a Metaphorical Prop

Filed by: Agent Mobius M. Mobius

Subject: Laufeyson, Loki

Date: [REDACTED]

Location: TVA Cafeteria

Incident Summary:

At approximately 12:47 PM, while I was attempting to enjoy a perfectly ordinary TVA salad during my designated lunch break, Loki Laufeyson entered the cafeteria with what can only be described as excessive enthusiasm and a new theory regarding the Variant’s hiding patterns. Without prior consent, Loki proceeded to confiscate said salad, despite my verbal protests, and utilized it in an impromptu lecture to illustrate the mechanics of temporal apocalyptic events.

The salad was subjected to the following abuses:

Excessive salting to represent “inevitable destruction.”

The addition of a large quantity of TVA-issued juice, poured without regard for proper beverage-to-salad ratios.

General shaking, flinging, and overall manhandling.

Impact on Lunch:

Significant. The salad was rendered inedible. Despite initial appearances, salads are not impervious to the effects of metaphorical tampering. Attempts to salvage the meal were unsuccessful due to oversaturation with juice and sodium.

Agent Commentary:

While Loki’s theory was, admittedly, sound (and may prove useful in future operations), I would like to officially note that using an agent’s lunch as a visual aid without permission is both disruptive and, frankly, inconsiderate. This is the second time this week that my lunch has been interrupted by Loki’s boundless energy, and I’m beginning to suspect he has little regard for personal boundaries (Tie etiquette) or basic lunchtime etiquette.

Recommendation:

Consider implementing a policy requiring pre-approval before using personal meals in metaphors. Alternatively, issue Loki his own dedicated metaphor kit, complete with props and non-consumable items for demonstration purposes.

Despite this, I must commend Loki for his enthusiasm. However, further incidents of lunch-based metaphor abuse may warrant formal reprimand-or, at the very least, compensation for lost meals.

Status: Resolved.

(But my lunch was not.)

End of report

[sacredfixation]

Mobius files a report on the misuse of the metaphor kit he gave Loki

TVA REPORT – INCIDENT #58738:

Distribution and misuse of Dedicated Metaphor Kit, a Post-Incident Analysis

Filed by: Agent Mobius M. Mobius

Date: [REDACTED]

Subject: Laufeyson, Loki

Incident Summary:

Following a series of disruptions, including but not limited to the unauthorized confiscation of my lunch (henceforth referred to as The Salad Incident), a decision was made to provide Loki with a “Metaphor Kit.” The kit was intended as a pedagogical tool, designed to aid the Variant in understanding abstract concepts without resorting to the destruction of personal property. Items included:

• One (1) foam apple (temptation)

• One (1) rubber frog (chaotic leaps into action)

• One (1) small sand timer (time management and consequences)

• One (1) rubber chicken (disruption and disorder)

The kit was presented to the Variant under strict guidelines for appropriate use, which were immediately ignored.

Immediate Outcome:

• Loki expressed initial amusement, followed by sustained misuse of the provided materials.

• The foam apple became a recurring prop during mission debriefs, often accompanied by sarcastic monologues.

• The sand timer was repeatedly flipped during tense moments, exacerbating existing tensions in high-pressure situations.

• The rubber chicken was deployed in multiple inappropriate contexts, including as a distraction during a classified briefing.

• The rubber frog was used symbolically to mock my efforts at maintaining order, culminating in an unauthorized “leap” onto my desk during work hours.

Impact on Agent Mobius:

• Emotional Toll: Elevated stress levels resulting from constant ridicule and prop-related disruptions.

• Workplace Disruption: Significant time lost attempting to refocus Loki after metaphor kit-related antics.

• Personal Well-being: Persistent headaches reported, likely caused by repeated interactions with the rubber chicken.

Recommendations:

1. Discontinue the use of metaphor kits with Loki

2. Institute a stricter no-prop policy during debriefings.

3. Consider mandatory “Respecting Personal Space and Property” workshops for Loki.

4. Implement mandatory approval process for new teaching methods

Any future attempts to introduce non-standard educational tools or methods to Loki should require pre-approval from senior TVA staff, preferably after thorough risk assessment.

5. Establish designated metaphor-free zones

Common areas such as the cafeteria, briefing rooms, and hallways should be designated as metaphor-free zones to prevent Loki from staging impromptu ‘lessons.’

6. Introduce a post-incident recovery protocol for affected agents

Several agents expressed confusion and mild existential distress following Loki’s metaphor lessons. Consider introducing a support group or brief counseling sessions for agents exposed to prolonged philosophical ramblings.

7. Avoid future attempts to teach Loki lessons through tangible items, this approach is prone to backfire in unpredictable and highly irritating ways.

Agent Commentary:

I initially believed that providing Loki with a non-consumable, symbolic toolset would curb his tendency to disrupt order. Instead, I inadvertently handed him an arsenal of chaos disguised as learning aids. Loki now considers himself a ‘Master of Metaphors’ and insists on offering unsolicited ‘lessons’ to fellow agents, turning the office into something resembling a chaotic philosophy seminar. In hindsight, expecting Loki to handle anything with seriousness was a lapse in judgment. I regret everything.

Conclusion:

This experiment has proven that attempting to outsmart Loki Laufeyson with symbolic gestures or educational tools is futile. Future containment strategies should prioritize direct action over clever solutions. Attempts at intellectual engagement will inevitably lead to frustration, chaos, and, in my case, severe metaphor-induced migraines.

End of Report