#mizukabe

[sagaofstardustmkg]

moon

What was destiny? Was it something predetermined for us? Fate that wove every piece of one's life to fit onto a path? Was it one's parents painstakingly planning out every single aspect of their life before they lived it? 

Haruki for so long had lived under the guidance of others who didn't know what was best for him. They poked and prodded at him, broke and put him back together, trying desperately to shape him like wet clay into the man he ought to be. Ought to be. How ridiculous. Haruki before he came to Stardust Academy was nothing but a seedling trapped in a pot far too tight for him to grow out of. He suffocated within the confines of what was judged as 'perfect'. It was his destiny to be Mizukabe Sansei. He had nightmares often about being unable to carve who he was meant to be from the marble he was given. Even now, he hears a quiet voice speak to him, in the sound of raindrops, in the calming sound of a wave, in the winds that Dragom began to summon. 

You're not doing it right. 

You're not doing enough. 

Give up and get back to what you're good at.

[ ♪♪♪ ]

What Haruki found when he entered the school was rebirth. He stared into the abyss of his shadow, reached in, and found the person he always wanted to be, but was too afraid to become. The pot he was in shattered when the world around them shattered. He threw himself off the beaten path, and found something he could never replace: Love. Love in the pieces of his shattered soul that reflected on those he came to know. In a quiet but worried man who had lived up to every expectation, yet still felt empty. In a woman who would do anything to save the ones she loved. In men who had loved the world, despite the pain it brought them. In the parasite who felt like an outsider to the world, afraid that they'd never understand what love even meant. To the young woman who carried her guilt, unable to forgive herself for the people she's hurt. He found love in Dragom, whose curiosity and unapologetic love for the world gave Haruki a new outlook, and in Petrel, who pushed him to dive headfirst into himself, and truly see himself reflected in the shattered remains of his heart. His friends and loved ones had shown him who Haruki Okumura truly was. 

As Haruki watched the Faerie Queen begin to attack his loved ones, he knew that if he was going to get this life he wanted with Dragom and Petrel and every single person who's touched his heart, he was going to have to go on the offensive. He felt magic surge within himself. Dragom's beautiful song rang out true in his heart, and he turned to face him with a determined nod. He then turns to Petrel, who was shedding dark dream heavy tears. Gentle hands reach up to his face, holding his cheeks, rubbing his thumbs across those warm cheeks. This was it, the chance to have a life that he designed himself. To forge his own path in the woods, across the sea, tearing down everything in his path to finally reach happiness. With the softest of smiles, Haruki uses his magic to lift the tears off of Petrel's face, swirling them around in his hand before he sharpens and thins the shape to a blade. He nods one last time at Petrel, then to Dragom, then runs headfirst towards the one thing standing in his way. 

With every pounding step of his boots on the ground, the words of his father rang out in his head. Feel every drop. Every molecule of water is yours, it always has been. The water in the air, the water in the ground, in life itself. With his magic amplified, Haruki doesn't feel the need to focus, it just comes to him. Every droplet of rain from the storm that Dragom summoned is felt in his body, strong enough to make his hairs stand on end. Without moving a muscle, the raindrops that poured down around Dionaea began to shift. Like a dance only Haruki could perform, the raindrops began shooting at the faerie queen at incredible, violent speeds. They move around anyone within the area, making sure not to scratch a single being that wasn't in the Sunset Court. Any attempt on him was thwarted by a watery shield that was created in seconds with raindrops. As he ran closer, right up to Dionaea, Haruki yelled out, loud enough to hush his own anxieties. 

"Listen here, you fancy pancy Poison Ivy knockoff! Everyone here's worked too hard for too long to get their happy endings! We're getting our friends back! And we're ending this fucked up school year once and for all!" 

Once Haruki was within reach, he created platforms of solid water, leaping up them with grace. Not unlike a salmon swimming upstream, as he made it look natural, fighting against a current. Every ounce of his anger, pain, despair, love, joy, and hope flowed through him and into every shot he took at Dionaea. With one last leap, he swung out his arm, holding the sword that carried Petrel's, Dragom's, and Haruki's dreams within. They get to have their future together, and like Hell Haruki was going to let it slip past him. Though his shame whispers to him on his stream of consciousness, telling him he hasn't earned this, he calls out through it. He recalls the countless times he's cried in self pity. The times he's struggled to connect. All the times he's reached out and someone reached out back to him. From Ben and Caleb's countless 'You're enough's to Petrel and Dragom's 'I love all of you's carries him in this moment. 

"I get to choose my life!”  

Haruki swings the dark dream water sword onto Dionaea's chest, and once it makes contact, shifts the shape, releasing it from his hand to explode into shards of determination into her.

“Twenty notes in 4:4 measure play the final coda. The lullaby is a song to end the dream. My ocean swallows the sun, my sky lifts us starwards, my moon will render destiny obsolete.”

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it's a poem in 'choose your own adventure' style, read top to bottom!

For example: As we resist the future, we begin to accept the grief we shift, into light across our faces.

The poem is Obligations 2 by Layli Long Soldier.

[junijwi]

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[sagaofstardustmkg]

Whirlpools || Mizukabe Body Reaction

The first night without being by Dragom’s side filled Mizukabe with anxiety, but he has his own life! He can’t just be by Dragom’s side every second of every day! But he certainly wished he could. He tossed and turned in the bed made for the three of them in Room 4, anxiously wanting to message Dragom, or go out to find him. Check up on him and selfishly drag him back. He couldn’t find himself sleeping, and then it didn’t even matter. Sasha had messaged the group as he always did, the snide cruelty evident, even in his messages. Mizukabe sprang out of his bed, falling face first onto the floor before shooting himself out of the room like a rocket. Pirate cove. Pirate cove. He detours up to Heliotrope and Dragom’s room, only to find both have already vacated. 

This is fine. He’ll find Dragom at the meetup area. They’ll be there for one another as another horrible investigation starts. This will be fine. Dragom is fine.

With every step further into the area, Mizukabe grew more anxious. He saw faces of exhausted classmates and friends. He distanced himself from all of them, wanting Dragom to be the first person by his side. To see a look of worry in his green eye before smiling to tell him ‘Tis a'richt!’ and rub his back, or pat his head, as he always did. 

‘I want you to keep me safe... I want to keep you safe..’

He watched the sand as he stepped behind everyone. They were heading to the secret cave. Someone surely must have died if they were being dragged out here. It has been minutes since Mizukabe had heard from Dragom. Where was Dragom? His jaw tightened and fists clenched as he focused on his steps, and the crunch of sand underneath them. 

‘I love you too much to lose you, too.’

The crowd stopped. Sounds of gasps, grunts of anger, frustration, and fear began erupting amongst the crowd. Mizukabe knew what was coming. It was as if every waking moment he spent fretting and fearing for Dragom’s safety was a prophecy; Every thought that reached Mizukabe’s mind was just the knowledge of what was to come. He should have texted him. 

‘I laue ye too...ye won't lose me! A'll...do ma best for us both.’

He should have ran to find him. The crowd parted as Mizukabe quietly asked to step forward to see what he knew he would see. He steeled himself against the grief that already bubbled in his heart. 

‘My amazing boyfriend. Kind, thoughtful, and strong... One who makes me feel safe... The one to part the storm clouds of my mind.’

Of course. Mizukabe’s blood ran cold as he saw the man he was quickly coming to love laying in the sand, dead, looking horrified. Mizukabe’s hand reached up and held the robe that Dragom had gifted to him the night they confessed to each other tight. His breath hitches in his throat as he stares, taking in every detail of Dragom’s body. He could feel a sickness in his chest he’s never felt before. 

Have you ever been trapped in a whirlpool? A swirling mass of uncontrollable torrent, dragging you further, filling your lungs with darkness. You push against the current, you pull yourself against it, begging the ocean to spare your life, even though you know it won’t. Mizukabe has fallen into plenty of whirlpools, physical and emotional. A swirling funnel that gathers all the feelings of failure and surrounds him with it. He failed to protect Dragom. He failed to be there for him. He failed. He doesn’t deserve Dragom, Bo was right. He doesn’t deserve anything. 

They were going to move… They were going to get a boat house, and live independently. They were going to explore the world and learn about human culture! Mizukabe already knew how princely he wanted to be at their wedding. He had plot points of his story that Dragom would have to read as a ghost. Every echo of hope of a future once they escaped were destroyed before Mizukabe’s eyes. His hand goes up to his mouth as he turns away from the group. Any attempt to comfort him is dashed as he tears himself away from any caring hand. He won’t cry. He won’t cry. After a moment of silence, struggling against the current of the whirlpool that threatened to drown him, Mizukabe lets the ocean take him. He swallows, his hand travelling down his throat back to his chest, as if holding onto those feelings, making sure they meet their destination. 

Mizukabe finally turns around to the crowd, and Dragom’s corpse, eyes empty of feeling. He had buried everything down inside, for it won’t help him any now. What good was it to cry and scream and fight against fate? Dragom was already taken from him. Now all he could do was find out who hurt such an honest and kind man. His voice shook in his chest, but he forced himself to speak, regardless.

“Okay. Let’s do this.” 

[sagaofstardustmkg]

Evaporated || Mizukabe 6.7 || RE: Glassbreaker

Haruki watched as the accusations unfolded. Haruki knew his his heart that it was Janelle, but he didn't have the courage to accuse her. He had tried to reach out to her time and time again. How many times had he done so in time loops? How many times has Haruki gotten close to Janelle to see into the guilt that plagued her heart. He knew her secret, all the way when it was threatened to be released. She felt guilty for her sister's disappearance. Haruki and Janelle had bonded over their siblings, both on opposite sides of the spectrum; one would tear the world asunder to keep her safe, and the other would sooner throw his brother away.

If Haruki's heart was a raging sea, his ship a victim to his wild and unpredictable emotions, then Janelle's was a desert, hot, but welcoming. Calm winds and steady steps through the sandy dunes to her location. Even if that was a lie, even if what Haruki knew was Janelle was just a cover up, Haruki wanted to brave the desert storm that now raged before him. He could sense her pain, and the guilt that came with knowing what she had done. Haruki always extended himself to her, and would not turn away now.

He turned his head to look up at Dragom, seeing the strength and kindness within him that helped Haruki become more of himself that he ever was before. He turned to Petrel, who showed him life was more than actions and reactions. There was depth, deeper than any ocean either of them had sailed. Haruki had the tools to finally bridge the gap that Janelle had kept between them for so long. The hair's width that kept him from knowing what was plaguing her. What troubled her was this. All of this. And here she was, playing a villain because she was afraid that any less would be seen as weak.

If you're going to kill, you might as well own up to it.

Haruki let go of Dragom and Petrel, standing up. He wanted Janelle to see him. No tears. No weakness. He swallowed his pride and his fear at once, quickly enough that they didn't catch in his throat, and he spoke.

"Janelle... I..." He inhaled. This is going to be harder than it seems. "I realized that... For those I loved... I would do anything for them. I've considered lying, cheating, murder. I would tear this world apart a thousand times if I thought I had a chance to save those I loved. You feel responsible for losing Adelaide, and that only pushes you further. You've always been so determined. A uh... A go getter? Girl... boss?"

He clears his throat and continues.

"We wouldn't be here if not for you. And... that fucking sucks. You suck, for that one." He doesn't carry any malice with these words, chuckling softly. "I wouldn't have them if not for you, either." He gestures to the two at his side. "I forgive you, for everything. I forgive Caleb, and Ben, e-even though he didn't do anything wrong. I know so well what someone is capable of when a broken heart fuels you. I have people now that I need to protect. I have my friends who are going to come back to life, and a world that the people I love need to see when this is over. I need to know they'll be okay. You can be selfish, and so can we. We all need to agree that this is safe."

Haruki sighs as he plops back down in his seat, looking over the evidence that sits at their corner of the large table.

"We need to know what you've been studying. What you've been doing. And what goes wrong every time... I want to help. I want you to get your sister back."

[sagaofstardustmkg]

Droplets || Mizukabe 6.6

Haruki was glad that they were able to figure out the what happened part of this mystery. Haruki was never all too familiar with the magical world. Especially pocket dimensions and how they can absolutely shatter under the weight of eternity. He's having second thoughts about visiting Caleb and Ben if they all get out of here alive. Don't they live in a pocket dimension? Anyways.

Haruki rested his hands on Dragom and Petrel respectively, listening to the others as they began to piece together a profile of who Glassbreaker could be. As they spoke, realizations came to his mind. His eyebrows furrowed, and a grimace sat on his face. He doesn't want to talk about this. He just wants the happy ending, and to gloss over all the rest of the details. But for now, he has to be patient, and work for that happy ending. He looked over the evidence that had been laid out for all of them to consider, and began to form a profile in his head. Once Mayumi had finished, Haruki raised his hand above his head, asking to be called upon.

"I agree with Mayumi. I also want to bring attention to that corkboard we all had found. We know that it was written either by Time... er.. Caleb. Or Glassbreaker, and the contents read "We have a shot at our miracles. Yours and mine and a big wrap up miracle for everybody." That implies that both parties have something that would be seen as a miracle. Maybe Glassbreaker also lost someone dear to them? It would make sense with Nev's theories. About faeries and kidnappings and whatnot."

To be quite honest, the faerie stuff was a little confusing to him, but he hoped that he had understood Nev correctly.

"I also want to, erm... Bring up something from the game files. Glassbreaker writes in a loop's notes about Subject 16 disguising themself as Glassbreaker and using a recognizable, if incorrect, accent to impersonate them. Maybe we can say that the general opinion on Glassbreaker is that they have a unique accent? Also does anyone know what that movie could be? I've never heard of it in my life. I guess them recognizing the movie also helps Mayumi's point about them being familiar with nonmagic and magic culture alike."

He chuckles bashfully, not quite sure he's making good assumptions here.

[sagaofstardustmkg]

Crashing Waves || Mizukabe 6.5 || RE: Perennial

Haruki was never a master of magical knowledge. All he knew was this was terrifying, and that he wasn't sure what to do. He felt heartbroken, and scared. Timekeeper acted in a manner unlike the Caleb Haruki had come to know, and he didn't know what to do. In moments like this, he wished he were just told how to act. The world was scary enough, but put in all this time magic nonsense, and Haruki felt at a loss. 

When Ben began to yell and defend Caleb once again, Haruki leaned his head down, not wanting to look him in the eye. He had already hurt Ben so many times, he didn't want to do it again. He hated disappointing him. But then... the most terrifying and miraculous thing happened before their very eyes. 

Ben bloomed into the Perennial, confused and mortified. The flowers grew and died in an endless cycle, eternally. Was this time magic? Ben's healing magic was time magic all along, draining him of his energy whenever he used it too greatly. Then Timekeeper began to explain, and pieces began to slot together in Haruki's mind. Everything became clearer. Before he could stop himself, the tears he had been holding in this entire investigation and trial began to well up in his eyes. 

'In order to prevent it, Ben – to save everyone – you turned everything back.'

Ben saved all of them... Haruki wasn't sure why. He didn't feel worth saving.  

'And in doing so, you died.'

Ben was dead because of... Glassbreaker maybe? Because of some horrible event? Haruki remembers the warmth that the force had on him in his dreams, in the visions. Ben selflessly lived for other people. He overextended his resources just to protect others. Ben had shown Haruki the same amount of kindness and patience that Caleb had, if not more. He fussed at Haruki's self deprecating nature, and taught him the complicated parts of magic he wasn't taught at home. Haruki shamefully called him 'Dad' once, because that love and care is something he's always wanted from one. And here he was, dead, before them. A force of ambient magic given form after their world had shattered. 

Haruki couldn't stop himself from prying himself away from Dragom's hold, and pushing himself up to his feet. Walking around the table to the other felt too slow for him, so he decided to jump onto the table, running past the various goods. He sprints over food and drink, and leaps off the table right up to where Timekeeper and Perennial stood. Where Caleb and Ben stood. They always told him to just approach them when he wanted affection. When he felt the world was too much, their arms were always there to hold him. 

So when Haruki finally approaches Ben, his own arms swing around the taller man in a tight hug. His tears begin to pour down his cheeks as he puts every complicated emotion that he cannot verbalize into that hug. His anger, his grief, his anxiety, and worry. His love, his respect, and admiration for Ben and Caleb. He sympathized with this tragedy, and knew that the only reason why he existed now was because of them. He wasn't sure if he forgave them, if they should have just accepted death, as Ben had told him prior. But they're here now, and he's going to embrace that chance he has. 

Haruki pulls away from Ben, grinning through his tears as he rests his hands on the other's shoulders. 

"Thank you..." Is all he can manifest to Ben in this moment. He then turns to Caleb. "I'm sorry for thinking you didn't care." That's all he can say to him. For now. 

He clears his throat and thinks hard about all the questions he has running through his mind. He has so many.. How to express any of them? 

"So... You have time magic... Since you were small. Not healing magic. Something that may have been inherited from your mother's side of the family... You told me Lynxan don't have access to red magic, that it's strictly blue-green... Does that imply all Lynxan have something in this range?" 

Haruki turns slightly as he tries to back up what Nev says as he works through his own thoughts. Then he looks back up at Ben. 

"Your magic can rewind time? Can you move it forward in time? If something was broken, can you return it to a state where it wasn't? Because it was your magic, did you feel anything was the matter in the time loops?" 

He knows this is essentially what Ben had tried doing when the incident occurred, but he wanted to know from Ben's perspective how successful it was. His anger ebbs away as he thinks. This isn't his fault, it's not Caleb's or Ben's. Caleb only did what he had to do. Ben did what he felt he needed to do. His kindness always made Haruki's heart warm. The kindness needs to be paid back, somehow. He didn't want to disappoint them in this moment. Haruki knows that this is harder than anything anyone in this room has faced. His gaze moves between Caleb and Ben both.

"Is there any way we can help now?" 

[sagaofstardustmkg]

A Reflection on the Water || Mizukabe Trial 6.4

Haruki has never had a solid relationship, he'll admit that. They've been weak, like standing behind a paper screen from the person he wants to connect to. They've been disingenuous, a puppet boy on strings for people who claimed to love everything he was. Haruki found it difficult to truly love people. He was scared of opening his heart to others, letting them matter, letting their opinions matter.

But then he came to Stardust, and he met a man who saw every broken piece of him, chipped away at him from an angry sculptor who wasn't proud of what he was. He met Caleb, who was strong, a little blunt, understanding, and kind. Caleb had an ability to hit the perfect spot in Haruki's heart to make him cry. He also knew the exact words that made him feel accepted. As they grew closer, Haruki felt every part of him reached out to him for comfort. He wanted guidance. It was silly, but Haruki looked up to Caleb. He taught him so many things about magic, himself, and the world they live in. Though he could deny it over and over for a hundred years, Caleb was a father figure Haruki's inner child always wanted. Someone who helped him realize the things he was too stubborn to see.

Caleb helped make Haruki whole. Or.. well. What he thought was whole.

The man before him was not the Caleb he thought he knew. He was tired... He must have been fighting for a long time to fix what had been broken. They didn't have the full picture; they didn't ask the right questions. When he transformed, Haruki pulled away, leaning into Dragom for comfort. He was scared of the man who stood before them. Haruki couldn't help himself from questioning everything Caleb had said to him. All the words of comfort. The pride he had in Haruki. The hugs and acceptance. He and Ben both promised to give him a place to stay when this was all over. He told Haruki he would always have a home with them! They were family in one another's hearts. If Caleb knew that was never the case, why promise it?

Was their quiet moments of contemplation a lie? How many times had Haruki opened his heart, just for it to be reset? Did Caleb even care for a phantom? An echo? Someone who wasn't whole? Haruki had come to love Caleb like he was family, as shameful as it was. But now he feels that maybe those were just empty comforts. Haruki shared so many moments crying, laughing, and feeling loved, only for this Timekeeper to be pretending it all? Part of him wanted to wish away his knowledge, and let this loop reset. He wanted to bask in the warm light of Caleb that made Haruki feel like he was deserving of everything. Caleb helped Haruki understand he was more than what his parents asked of him. He wasn't responsible for others. He could hurt and cry and laugh unabashedly without anyone having to interfere. Caleb helped Haruki learn to love himself, as hard as it was in times like these. Haruki felt welcomed and accepted in every meaning of the word when he was with Caleb. What could he do now with the knowledge they've gained?

Haruki didn't cry, he didn't feel like crying this time. He didn't yell, for he wanted to respect Caleb's wishes. He might still want to help Caleb with whatever he's doing. But  now he knows that everything Caleb ever told him was read from a script he's probably read a million times. Haruki's heart breaks again, feeling that someone he had looked up to so greatly betrayed him. He knows these are selfish feelings, but he's tired of dismissing them because they're his. So in the aftermath of that transformation, as the dust settles after Ben's grief stricken reaction, Haruki just looks up to Caleb, unable to speak. His amber eyes plead with Caleb, despite it all.

Please tell him it's going to be okay.

Please tell Haruki that he's going to be okay.