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one-sunny · 2 months ago

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HI I SAW U OPENED UR REQUESTS AND I LOVE YOUR WRITING SMMM <333

I’ve always thought Ace would be the type to yearn and pine but not make a move bc he thinks he doesn’t deserve love. That with an oblivious/awkward/reciprocating reader would be the perfect mashup of tropes 🤭

Undeserving

Portgas D. Ace x reader

Summary: Yearning, pining, and feeling undeserving. These were all far too familiar for Portgas D Ace, when all he wanted was the love just within his reach. sad Ace behaviors and desc. of anxiety.

thank you so much!!! and you’re absolutely right this is the perfect trope mashup for Ace i’m obsessed

Fire Fist Ace was known as a feared presence by many. A combination of his power, haki, and the respect he earned led to him being a commander to some. He was brother and son of the White Beard pirates.

But above all else, he was just a man.

The first time this reality came crashing down was during one of the many celebrations on the Moby Dick. There was a celebration for the first divisions successful mission, music boomed, booze flowed, and a grand feast was being devoured by hungry pirates.

Among this all, you sat by Ace’s side with a grin. At some point, during the height of conversation and an even heftier bridge, you turned to say something to him. Not wanting to fight the noise, you had grabbed his arm to pull him to you so you could speak in his ear. Ace felt himself short circuit in that moment and he never truly recovered since then.

Every moment, every touch, every time he met your eyes it sent his heart fluttering in his chest. He had allowed himself a brief time to feel. To let the strong emotion wash over him. To give himself the illusion that maybe, just maybe, he could give in to his feelings.

But the one thing Ace’s unconscious mind liked to remind him, he is the son of a monster. A bloodline to squash. The one person most undeserving of such feelings. Sure, he had Pops and the crew, but he couldn’t let himself continue thinking about having you.

Despite how well Ace believed himself to hide it, it was very well known among the commanders just where you stood in his heart. They saw the longing stares, the way Ace would smile wistfully at the sound of your laughter, how easily he would crack under your gaze. You always seemed to be within his line of sight during battles and he always ensured you had adequate medical care whenever you were injured. And, anytime you were called to a mission, Ace was on edge until your safe return.

The current time was a perfect example of this. Ace paces the deck with a deep frown, eyes tracking the sun, annoyance building inside of him as the day goes on without your return. He lets out a deep sigh as he slumps back against the railings.

“Worrying not gonna make them come back faster, you know?” Marco calls to him from the lower deck. Ace whips around, mouth gaping for a moment, before he nervously scratches the back of his neck.

“What? I’m not-“

“Don’t start, Ace.” Thatch chuckles a deep and hearty laugh. “You can’t fool any of us.”

“Except for Y/N, they’re pretty oblivious it seems.”Marco shakes his head. Ace begins to ramble out an excuse, that he’s got a lot on his mind, and how he had a chore on the upper deck. None of it had any meaning. Marco and Thatch share a look and mischief sparks in their eyes. “Hey, is that their boat?”

Ace’s hat nearly flies off of his head at the speed in which he whips around and a chorus of laughter fills the air. “Funny.” He mutters, tipping the brim of his hat lower to hide his flushed face from the other commanders. Ace turns to leave the deck for a moment of quiet, when Thatch calls him back.

“Ace, there they are.” Thatch calls out.

“Yeah, you guys already got me. Very funny-“

“No, you idiot, they’re actually here now.”

Despite all of the teasing, Ace turns, and energy fills his very being at the sight of your small boat in the distance. A bright smile lights up his face and he launches himself down to the lower deck. He lands before his crew mates, effectively ignoring their teasing grins, and calls the crew to aid in your mission return.

Ace ensures he is the first to greet you as you board the Moby Dick, offering his hand out to you in your final steps, and taking the backpack slung over your shoulder. “‘Bout time you got back.” He offers a sweet smile and you are quick to return it.

“I can only sail so fast, ya know.” You chuckle at him. “Not all of us have fancy devil fruit powers we can power a boat with.”

“Yeah, that must suck.” He tips his head, taking you in fully and attempting to detect any possible injuries. “Think I just missed having you around.” Your brows shoot up in shock at his blunt words and Ace instantly scrambles. “Uh, because ya know, no one else helps out with my pranks like you. Got, ya know, got boring around here.” Ace clears his throat and adjusts the hat on his head.

“Right.” You nod slowly, feeling a heat settling inside of you.

“Right.” He purses his lips. “You, uh, you should probably debrief with Pops. I’m sure there’s plenty to talk about.” You nod in agreement, moving to head that way, before you stop in your tracks. You turn back around and his breath catches in his throat.

“My bag.” You point to it at the dumbfounded look.

“Oh, uh, I can drop it by your room if you want?” He offers with a smile. As you look back at him, he notes the tired glaze in your eyes and the way your shoulders droop.

A smile pulls to your lips, “Yeah, that’d be great actually. Thanks, Ace.”

As you wander off, Ace turns to watch you go, and his eyes fall on the two commanders that were watching the interaction closely. He bristles when he meets their eyes and quickly runs off to drop off your bag.

And the next hour is grueling and Ace could no longer deny to himself that he was waiting for you. So he could see you and finally talk to you.

When he hears you call out his name, his heart rate leaps. “What are you doin’ out here?” You offer him a sweet smile and he finds himself easily mirroring the expression.

“Uh, nothing, just,” He shrugs in an attempt to seem nonchalant. “Waiting around.” Ace crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back against the wall, calm and causal.

“For me?” There’s a sickeningly hopeful tone to your voice.

“Uh,” Ace balks.

And that seemed to strike something in you, “Just, uh, just messing with you, Ace.” There’s a tension that seems to rise in the air and Ace feels as if his throat is thick as he swallows hard. He hated this. The awkwardness. The uncomfortable feelings trying, and failing, to be pushed to the side so you can both be normal again. “Do you know if dinners ready yet?” You prompt, rocking on your heels. “I’m starving.”

“Oh, i’m not sure actually.” Ace inwardly cringes at himself. “Let’s go check.”

When you enter the kitchen, you are called to the large group of crew members for the tales of your travels over dinner. Ace watches you go for a long moment with a fluttering in his stomach. It grew in motion until the fluttering was violent, knocking into his rib cage and gripping at his throat. To see you blending with the crew with that smile on your face- a gathering of people that he knew deep down that he didn’t even deserve.

It made his body run cold despite the living inferno that he was.

He offers a final, lingering stare as your hands move animatedly along with your story, before he disappears from the room. He was almost certain that you wouldn’t even notice. That no one would notice. The anxiety grips his throat with a power that he was more used to than he would like to admit.

The rest of the day is a blur as he makes himself scarce to the crew. All the way until the sun has set and the sea turns into a black void.

And he sits in that void instead of sleeping like he should be. He was certain that he would pass out in the middle of breakfast tomorrow but who was he to care. Many called him narcoleptic and Marco has tried to fuss over him many times regarding this, but Fire Fist was well aware that it was the insomnia that struck in the late hours of the night. He needed to take any chance he had for sleep during the day because the moon came with heavy taunts.

Ace can hear the light footsteps moving across the deck and he internally kicks himself for so easily recognizing them as your footsteps. Then, you’re dropping down to sit beside of him and propping your elbows against the railing. He spares a glance to see a tired daze about your eyes.

You meet his eye with a tired pout, “Are we okay?”

He bristles at your words, muscles tense, before he clears his throat. “‘Course we are.” His voice is a pitch higher than what he intended to. And there was no way you were missing that, eyes narrowing at him. “I don’t know, I’m just off today.”

Your finger absently runs along the railing with shoulders dropped. “Did I- Did I do something?” Your voice is low and distant. Ace feels his heart squeeze at this.

“You didn’t do a thing, okay?”

“Then,” You groan and drop your head back. “Will you talk to me? I know i’ve been gone for a little while but I feel like the two of us could always talk to each other before and-“ You wave a hand and purse your lips. “Things were just ugh earlier!”

“Ugh?” He can’t help but smile at this.

“You heard me.” You bump his shoulder but continue to avoid his eye.

Ace lets out a low sigh, tapping his fingers repeatedly, before casting his eyes out to the dark sea. Silence lingers for a long moment as he attempts to gather his thoughts into something rational. “Do you ever, just, feel like you’re cursed?” He can’t bring himself to meet your eye or even glance in your direction. “Like everything you want is right within your reach, but it’s somehow still out of grasp?” You hum in thought but allow Ace to continue rambling on instead of answering. “There’s so much more that I want, but it’s like I don’t deserve any of it.” He huffs. “At all.”

“What kind of things do you feel you don’t deserve?” Your voice is light and as delicate as the situation.

“Everything.” The answer is simple and straight to the point. “Pops.” His eyebrows furrow at the thought of his father figure. Because his real, biological father, was the root of many of his issues. He didn’t deserve Whitebeard and the man that he is. “The crew.” His brother’s in arms that would die for him, just as he would for them. “My brother.” His frown deepens at the idea of Luffy. Of the unconditional love that he provided while growing up. “You.” His words were barely above a whisper. Because above all, he felt like he was the most undeserving of your presence in his life.

You’re quiet for a long moment and Ace almost regrets his words. Then you finally speak up, “You don’t even realize how loved you are, do you?” There’s a sadness about your voice.

Ace can’t even form the words for a reply, a sound breaking in the back of his throat.

“I don’t even know how much my words mean to you, but I can’t think of anyone more deserving of what he has.” You shake your head as if annoyed with the thought. “You’re so, so good, Ace.” A huff. “So many people would put their lives on the line for you because you are worthy of love.”

“I don’t feel,” He swallows the thick lump in his throat. “Like I deserve love.”

“But you do.” You try to stress to him, leaning in a little bit closer and attempting to meet his eye. Ace pointedly stares into the void of the sea instead. You sigh lowly, “Look at me.” You urge to him, desperate to have him meet your eye for your next words. “Ace, please.”

His eyes flutter shut for a moment and he takes a deep breath, but ultimately meets your gaze.

You take a deep breath, “Ace, I love you.”

For a moment, he doesn’t react. His expression doesn’t change and instead he just looks back at you. You almost second guess if he even heard you until he shakes his head. “Don’t,” His head snaps back to look at the dark sea. “Don’t do that.” He lets out a shaky breath. “Please don’t.”

“But I- I- I do.” You stutter out, stamping down the nervous energy trying to creep up on you. Because he needed to hear this. To know what he means to you. “Not like I love the rest of them, either. The crew. You’re,” You gulp. “You’re different.”

“What?” His words edge on being harsh.

Your entire body tenses at the sound, but you push forwards despite this. “I’m in love with you.”

Ace drops his head into his hands, pressing his palms against his cheekbones and attempting to piece together the swirling thoughts in his mind. He had to be dreaming. Had to be witnessing a manifestation of his own delusions right before his eyes. The void of the sea playing tricks on him.

But your hand places on his bicep and pulls him back to the deck he was sitting on. “I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have just dropped that on you when you’re feeling like this but-“

“You can’t love me.” He blurts out. “You’re too…” He waves a hand as he tries and fails to find the right words. You watch as the gears visibly turn in his mind, unsure if you were even breathing for a moment. “Too good.”

“Too good.” You chuckle nervously.

“You,” He begins, leaning in a little bit closer so your faces were inches apart. “You’re exactly the person I don’t deserve.” His breath is almost burning hot on your face. “You can’t love me because I would ruin you.”

“I’m stronger than you think.”

“But i’m not.” The words rush out of him before he can even process them.

You hold his gaze, unwavering. “Then it sounds like we need each other, huh?” You raise a hesitant hand, gauging his reaction, before ever so gently cupping his cheek. His skin is hot and you’re almost certain you catch a flicker of light start and quickly extinguish on his shoulder. “Because I know that I need you.” You lean in to rest your forehead against his.

Ace swallows back the tears that want to fall and stamps down the conflicting anger that is trying to bubble up inside of him. Instead, he allows himself to feel. To embrace you and pull you even closer to him. Your words heavily combatted the brutal thoughts he has held for years, but you were one heck of a fighter.

“I need you.” Ace chokes out, strong arms locked around your body. “I- I- uh.” He tries to force the words out but they keep getting stuck in his throat. You pull back only slightly to look him in the eyes, the absolute adoration and vulnerability he exudes in that simple look, and suddenly you catch onto something that has been manifesting for years.

“I love you too, Ace.” You mumble.

And when words fail, actions prevail. Ace closes the small gap between you in a searing kiss, allowing the emotions to pour out in droves to relay what he couldn’t bring himself to say. He feels you smile against his lips and that only makes him cling to you more desperately.

Ace reluctantly pulls back when his lungs start to burn, panting, but happy.

#sorry but i cooked w the ‘but im not’ line #joking but i’m also not #if you can’t love your writing then who else is gonna #portgas ace one shot #portgas d ace x you #portgas ace x you #portgas ace x reader #portgas d ace one shot #portgas d ace x reader #portgas ace #portgas d ace #one-fics #one-asks #header: mixed flowers in an earthware pot (p. renior)

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