#mitch watches films and talks about it

[avatar-anna]

I feel like there has to be a time when the kids are so over being on your: they hate the moving, being woken up at ungodly hours, etc. So is there a point in the document where harry and y/n shed light on how touring is/can get to be too much for the kids?

Id love to see the kids interacting with the Pauli mitch and the rest of the band for the love on tour doc fic

Young dad!Harry x Young mom! Reader universe

Part 1 Part 2

bold and italics: camera directions, or what you would be seeing as a viewer of the documentary in person

just italics: interviewer questions, or people who are speaking off camera

Love on Tour: The Documentary, Part 3

In an interview room sits a man with long hair and a beard, The screen reads, “Mitch Rowland: guitarist and long-time friend of Harry Styles.”

“So, how long have you known Harry?”

“Forever it seems like,” Mitch says. “But a few years now.”

“And how long have you known Y/n and the kids?”

Mitch grins, as if recalling a memory. “Almost as long, but not quite.”

“Do you remember when you found out he had a family?”

“It was the most bizarre day,” Mitch says. “We were filming and recording a bunch of songs off the first album that was going to be in a documentary. No one knew at the time. I remember Y/n, Simone, and Collette being there but not really knowing why. I think I thought they were some executive’s family member who got invited to watch Harry record the songs or something like that. And H would go over every now and again to talk to Y/n, but they weren’t like, overly affectionate or anything, and obviously Y/n had her hands full with the baby. I thought he was just being nice.nBut then there was a point where the baby would not stop crying.”

Cut to Y/n’s interview.

“I was so embarrassed. It was the first time we got to do something like that. Me, Simone, and Collette, I mean. I was always so used to having to stay behind with the girls and hear about Harry’s day after the fact. But Jeff told Harry that we could come, that no one knew who we were anyway, and as long as we kept a low profile it would be fine, so I thought, why not, you know?”

Back to Mitch’s interview.

“And I could see Y/n in the corner bouncing the baby and doing whatever she could to get Collette to stop crying, and everyone was kind of aware of this young woman that no one really knew holding everything up. I was about to ask Harry if he knew Y/n, but he walked over to where she was, and they had a quick conversation before he took the baby and walked off while Y/n stayed with Simone. By that point Jeff had called for a fifteen-minute break, so everyone was splintering off but still kind of watching Harry walking around with some random woman’s baby.”

“Except it wasn’t a random baby, obviously.”

“Right, but at the time I remember giving Sarah a look. I think she put it together quicker than I did because she just kind of smiled and shook her head.”

Cut to an interview with a young woman who is introduced as, Sarah Jones: drummer and long time friend of Harry Styles.

“The baby immediately stopped crying when he picked her up,” she says like it’s obvious. “And you could tell that this was not Harry’s first time holding and comforting a baby. He looked like he’d been doing it for years. He looked completely at ease, and so did the baby.”

Back to Mitch’s interview.

“What was your initial reaction when you found out?”

“Shocked, I guess?” he says. “I didn’t really know him from One Direction, everything I knew about H was from our interactions together, and he didn’t let it slip. Not once. I remember asking him once if he was seeing anyone and he kind of just shrugged and was like, ‘I’m perfectly happy with the way my life is right now,’ which to me sounded like he was happy being single, but obviously he was raising a family when he wasn’t in the studio. I think he and Y/n would’ve just had Collette when we first met.”

Back to Harry’s interview.

“Did you plan on expanding your family after One Direction?”

Harry raises his brows at the camera. “I see were fishing for some steamy answers,” he jokes. “But honestly? Yeah. Y/n and I had a lot of long conversations about what we wanted. And I think in the back of our heads we wanted more, but weren't sure if it would be, like, allowed while I was still in the band. And we were still pretty young. I planned on taking some time off after the band, and we thought we were as ready as anyone could be. I mean, there’s no surprise like finding out your pregnant at seventeen, so…”

“What was that day recording in the studio like?”

“Collette was teething, which was why she was crying so much,” Harry explains. “And I knew that Jeff, Y/n, and I kind of had a plan for how the day would play out. There were cameras around for the album documentary, so we had to be careful, but everything was going well, but when I saw Y/n struggling, I knew I couldn’t just leave her to deal with Collette and Simone by herself when she was having a hard time. And, you know, that was my baby. Hate hearing her cry and all that.”

Then, he adds, "But before that I was over the moon that they were there. That I could show Simone what I did for work, even if it was from far away."

Back to Jeff’s interview.

“So what did you do?”

“I told everyone that Y/n was a friend of mine who was shadowing me for the day and her sitter canceled last minute. Somehow everyone bought it.”

“But how did Collette end up in the other documentary?”

“Harry and I both saw the final footage before it was released,” Jeff says. “But there was no indication that Harry was the father of the baby he was holding, and Y/n and Simone stayed out of the camera’s way. Collette was still so little, so she didn’t have any distinguishable features. It just looked like she was some random baby on set that day.”

Back to the interview with Simone, Collette, Maeve, and Julian.

“Collette, how does it feel to be in a documentary when you were just a baby?”

“I was a movie star!”

“Now we all get to be in a movie,” Maeve says. “Except for GiGi and Natalia. They’re too little.”

Back to Mitch.

“What it’s it like going on tour with Harry’s family?”

“Honestly? It’s fine. I think for obvious reasons, H has always been selective about who he travels with on tour, and not just for the sake of keeping his secrets. None of us are the ‘sex, drugs, rock and roll’ types, which helps when you’ve got little kids running around or riding on the bus with you.”

Cut to a montage of clips from Love on Tour: a rehearsal onstage with Mitch, Sarah, Pauli, Ny Oh, Harry, Simone, Collette, and the twins. Collette is on Pauli’s shoulders while Simone is sitting at the drum kit. Harry is holding Julian while Maeve clings to his leg; another clip of the Love Band on a tour bus with Simone and Collette playing a board game; Simone playing peek-a-boo with a baby boy and baby girl whose faces are blurred for privacy; Harry and Y/n asleep with all their kids on a hotel bed, a baby curled up on Harry’s chest; Mitch showing Julian how to play the guitar.

Harry’s Voiceover: Obviously it isn’t always easy traveling with five kids, one of them being a few months old. And there was the added risk with Covid and everything. There were times when we had some very…cranky children, especially the first few nights of tour when everyone was trying to get back into the swing of things and Y/n and me were trying to figure out a schedule that worked best for the kids.

Back to Y/n and Harry’s interview.

“How did you make it all work?”

“When I’m on my own, I usually just sleep on the tour bus, but a hotel room is a lot more practical when you’ve got the whole family,” Harry says.

“A suite,” Y/n says, almost dreamily. “The girls and Julian would share a room connected to ours, and Geneva would sleep with us, though by the time we woke up, there could be any number of new additions in our bed.”

“Then I would do school with Simone and Collette in the morning before I had to leave for rehearsals and take the twins with me while Y/n finished up the older girls’ schooling for the day, and then they would come meet us after. We’d have lunch together, and then Y/n would either go exploring with the kids or hang out at the venue or the hotel.”

“That was the plan we’d made, anyway,” Y/n says. “There was hardly a time where it went perfectly, but we made it work. And Sarah toured with her son, which made me feel a little less alone when Harry was off doing whatever and a little less crazy.”

Back to Sarah’s interview.

“I had one baby to look after and I was exhausted,” Sarah says. “Y/n and Harry had a baby and four other kids to look after. And Harry’s a great dad and everything and so good about doing his part, but Y/n really is a rockstar in her own right. She even helped me with my son a few times.”

Back to Harry and Y/n’s interview.

“Hear that?” Harry asks. “You’re a rockstar.”

“Oh hush,” she says to him. Then, to the camera, she says, “I don’t know a lot about music or performing, but I do know a thing or two about getting a baby to fall asleep.”

More clips of Love on Tour behind the scenes, but these seemed to be centered around Y/n. Her and Harry in the back of a tour bus while his head is in her lap as she runs a hand through his hair; Y/n in a dressing room with the Love Band laughing before they go onstage, Y/n reading to all the kids in a hotel room; driving a golf cart around a venue with Maeve, Julian, Simone, and Collette riding with her as she yells, “Thanks for the tip, Louis!” to the camera.

Back to Y/n’s solo interview.

“I tried to make it as fun as possible for them. It…Touring is not exactly Disneyland or the playground, but I did what I could. Golf carts, hotel pools, you name it. I think at one point a small slide got added to the crew’s packing list so that the kids could play when they were tired of watching rehearsals.”

“Would you have done anything differently?”

Y/n shakes her head. “No. I think going on tour as a family was the right thing for us at that time. Simone and Collette were doing full-time homeschool, and H and I would do some preschool lessons with the twins. Maybe some parents will judge me, but they’ve also never been in my position before. I know what’s best for my family, and at the start of the tour, staying together wasn’t up for debate.” 

“But you eventually went home.”

“Yes,” she says. “When it was time. Maeve and Julian were having a hard time with not having as consistent of a sleep schedule, getting everyone up and going early in the morning was difficult, but for me, the thing that bothered me the most was how isolated they were.”

“How do you mean?”

“Harry’s tour was obviously right at the start of when things were opening back up, and before that, it was just us in the house during lockdown,” Y/n says. “Not being around children your own age affects a child, and I wanted my kids to have friendships outside of each other, build social skills, that kind of thing, and they weren’t going to get that while touring with a bunch of adults.”

Back to Harry’s solo interview.

“How did you feel when Y/n and the kids went home?”

“Bummed, obviously,” Harry says, scratching at the stubble on his chin. “I agreed with Y/n when she said it was time to enroll Simone and Collette in school and find a preschool for the twins, and honestly, I didn’t want Y/n to stretch herself thin with having to homeschool the girls when she went back. She already does so much. I knew why they had to go back home, and I always want what’s best for my family, but after having them around on tour…It was an adjustment for sure.”

Back to Sarah’s interview.

“You would’ve thought Y/n had broken up with him,” she jokes. “He moped for weeks after Y/n took the kids home. He was the same as always onstage, but once a show ended, he was on the phone.”

Back to Harry’s interview.

“I never wanted to go back to the way things were before the pandemic,” he explains. “A big fear of mine was that we’d somehow end up back to that point.”

Back to Y/n’s interview.

“Did you worry about that too?”

“No, I didn’t,” she says. “I know how H felt about it, but I knew he would never make the same mistakes again, and I knew things were different this time. I wouldn't have given him a second chance if I didn't think things were actually going to change. We were on the same page for everything, and he would fly home between shows if he could swing it. He’d have to wear a mask at home the whole time, but he was willing.”

Back to Mitch’s interview.

“I think…I think he was fully aware of what he stood to lose this time around,” Mitch says. “I don’t pretend to know the inner workings of his relationship with Y/n, but I know both of them pretty well. Harry doesn’t take failure lightly and I don’t think Y/n would have let him fail a second time. And there was the other thing.”

“What other thing?”

“I’m not sure I should be the one to say.”

Back to Y/n’s interview.

“I got pregnant on tour. Did H already tell you that?”

Back to Harry’s interview.

“Didn’t you say you had a baby sleeping in your bed?”

Harry looks sheepish as he thinks about his answer. He plays with his bottom lip and avoids looking at the camera. He says, “I’m not going to tell you how or where it happened. That’s my wife!”

Harry laughs along with everyone behind the camera. As they all laugh, he tries to speak over them.

“I mean, I promised to be open, but not that open! This is a family show!”

Cut to a rehearsal of the second leg of Love on Tour (2023). The camera goes up to each member of the love band to ask a very serious question.

“Were you surprised when Harry told you Y/n was pregnant?”

“Uh…no,” Elin says. 

“You could definitely tell something was up,” Ny Oh says. “Harry was calling and texting whenever he wasn’t needed. And he was sometimes a little…high strung.”

“I would’ve put money on it,” Jeff says when Pauli tells him the question as he walks by.

Sarah shrugs as she says, “Y/n told me to keep an eye on Harry before she left, and before that, you could sense this energy between her and H. Like they had this big secret.”

“Secret? Yes. Big?” Mitch shrugs. “Eh. Like Sarah said, you could just kind of tell. And when they had moments alone together, they were giggling like idiots and being all...they were all over each other when the kids weren't looking. In a PG way,” he says, adding the last part as an afterthought.

Pauli says, “I may have heard some things that I maybe shouldn’t have as I was passing a concert bathroo—

The camera cuts off mid-sentence. More behind the scene clips play.

Harry’s Voiceover: The “love” in Love on Tour is broad. When I play a show, I want my fans to feel safe and loved, even if they might not feel that way in their day-to-day lives, in that space and time, they only need to feel love. But on a personal level, all my loves were on tour with me, and while I have loved touring before, it was different having them with me, even if it was short-lived. So calling the tour “Love on Tour” just made sense. There was lots of love to go around.

Back to Harry’s interview.

“And you made love on tour,” Y/n says off-camera.

Harry hangs his head and holds it in his hands. “Jesus Christ.”

The whole room erupts into laughter, including Harry, who still won’t show his face. When he eventually does, his face is bright red.

“A family show! This is a family show!” he insists, but everyone just keeps laughing off-camera. Shaking his head, he says, “Or is it? Now if you excuse me.”

Harry takes his mic off and stands up from his chair. The camera follows his movements as he walks over to where Y/n is still laughing, even when he picks her up and puts her over his shoulder to carry her out of the room. “It was a good joke!” she says, still mic’d up. Then the audio cuts and the screen cuts out like a wink.

[theflyindutchwoman]

Why are you the reason Mitch lost his leg? 'Cause I let him slide on something. It doesn't matter what, just that I cut him a break when I shouldn't have, and because I did, he went back out on patrol, got blown up. That is the most Tim Bradford thing I've ever heard. You showed humanity. There's nothing to feel guilty about. Rules matter, Boot. Then what the hell are you doing out here? Some things matter more.

| ANATOMY OF A SCENE - CHENFORD EDITION 2.14 - Casualties

These two really have had some of their most personal and meaningful conversations in a car… But what distinguishes this one is that, this time, they are not in the shop. They are in Tim's truck. Out of uniform. Without any camera around. There's no trace of Officer Bradford or Officer Chen here. Just Tim and Lucy. And as a result, the atmosphere feels even more intimate… especially with the way this scene is filmed. It's dark, barely lit, with the camera outside, as if we are intruding… It even looks like there this out-of-focus fence standing between Tim and the camera, reminiscent of the imagery of a fenced window in a confessional booth. All of this gives off this intimacy, this idea of a safe space. And that's exactly what Lucy is for him at this stage. She is his safe space, someone he can open up to and talk about some of his demons without fear of being judged.

And Lucy doesn't waste time, asking Tim right away why he feels responsible for Mitch losing his leg. The fact that he answers her with no hesitation or argument is really indicative of how much their relationship has progressed. How much he values her opinion. And that's huge. This is one of those instances where Lucy gets to peak behind the curtain, behind his wall and see how much blame and guilt Tim shoulders. His body language is fascinating… He can barely look at her, his eyes darting around.

'That is the most Tim Bradford thing I've ever heard'. Her soft chuckle when she says that… But she's right, it truly is. This also shines some light on his behavior, on why he can be such a hardass at times. Because the one time he wasn't, it cost someone he cared about his leg. And he hasn't let himself forget. And he hasn't forgiven himself either. But the beauty of this dialogue is that it's not just about Mitch. This is about Lucy too. And how much he feels responsible for what happened to her. Because when he advised her to get a drink or two, he wasn't acting as her TO, but as her friend. He showed her 'humanity' as she said, and it had a disastrous consequence. In his mind, he repeated the same mistake. This makes Lucy's speech that much more important. She may not fully grasps the context here, but she is already absolving him. The way he is looking right at her when she tells him that he shouldn't be feeling guilty… The tears in his eyes… This is such a good foreshadowing of another conversation in the shop, one where he'll confess his guilt for what Caleb did to her. He's just not quite there yet.

This is also a subtle continuation of another beautiful moment : when Lucy made him her first audiobook. Back then, she was trying to show him how being a kinesthetic learner wasn't a weakness, but a strength. How it made him a better person. And she gets to repeat this sentiment here, by reminding him that showing humanity is a strength as well. And that's probably the most Lucy Chen thing she ever said and did. I like how she doesn't hesitate to gently call him out when he tries to hide behind the importance of rules despite the fact that they are in that moment defying their watch commander's order to drop the case. How she forces him to admit why he is here, that his sense of justice and compassion are stronger. 'Some things matter more'. The way he is looking right at her when he tells her that… The loaded implications in that little sentence… Yep, this isn't just about Mitch anymore...

[whitemancumslut]

this is a sneak peak of something i just skimmed while out at brunch. it’s so hot already eeekkk:/ not proofread

Y/n's schedule was quite packed due to her frequent film shootings and back-to-back interviews, leaving her with little time in town. But luckily, she was back in L.A and was able to attend her good friends’ Mitch and Sarah’s house warming.

Sarah and Y/n knew each other years before fame. High school best friends, even. Inseparable. Y/n came to the house party and was beyond happy to be back with her good friends, but did not expect to meet and sleep with the one and only Harry Styles.

How did that happen?

Well. Harry had developed a stronger bond with both Mitch and Sarah similar to Y/n's. Following the end of 1D and transitioning into his solo career, he has spent an increasing amount of time in the studio with Mitch, deepening their friendship over the years.

Harry was on his famous Love on Tour’s hiatus and came to attend the housewarming he was invited to.

Harry and Y/n were familiar with each others names. Sarah mentioned Harry once or twice about how he’s working with Mitch in the studio often, and obviously she’s heard of his band, 1D, and his music was everywhere. For Harry, Y/n was everywhere. Her films, her commercials, her name itself. Harry has watched most of the films she’s been in considering how recommended and famous they were. She was a young actress would was growing huge in the courses of months.

When they met it was instant sexual tension. Before they met, even. At one point of the housewarming, Y/n was talking to Sarah and when her eyes laid upon Harry they couldn’t leave him. Her mind was quickly filled with questionable, impure thoughts.

The young man wore a black dress shirt with matching pants and boots. Everything about him was attractive. His curls looked tight, he had shades in the breast pocket of his dress shirt, the way he stood. She knew she had to introduce herself.

And when their hands shook it was like heat and lust compelled their bodies together. She greeted him with a polite and common, “Hi. I’m Y/n.” Although, they knew who they knew who each other were it was common curtisy to introduce themselves.

Harry didn’t know how to react. When she approached him, he lost his breath for a quick second. Shaking her hand, never breaking the eye contact.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you…” And the conversation went. The two talked for a while. Y/n's attention being immediately drawn to the three unbuttoned buttons at the top of his shirt, which reveal the complimentary tattoos embellishing his chest. The sight made her exhale shakily, leaving very little to her imagination of what’s under the dress shirt.

Harry takes note in the way she’s not even hiding the fact she’s drooling over his appearance. Grateful he was, as he did the same with her. She wore a long white summer dress with spaghetti straps with vintage print of flowers all over. His eyes trailed down her toned collarbones and to the cleavage that she had showing whenever she’d move with he drink in her hand. Just as Harry did, Y/n took note whenever his eyes deceived him and his gentleman soul.

The sexual tension was tense. Though Harry made conversation about her films and complimented her, the way she would stare made him absolutely weak. She would let her eyes trail from his green ones to his lips that would receive moisture from his tongue after every couple of words.

She would sigh and look back up at his eyes that followed hers. Harry was extremely attracted to Y/n. The way her cheeks heat up whenever he complimented. The way she smelled lured him in.

At one point, Y/n’s drink had gone empty as she was mid conversation with Harry. Turning her head to the empty kitchen and back at Harry she asked, “Would you like to come along with me for another drink?” She wanted to continue the conversation… and possibly get him alone… but mainly continue the conversation. She didn’t want it to die.

Y/n was a killer flirter. She sees someone shes attracted to and she can’t help but softly flirt and test waters. She lures them in with her inciting scent and gentle gestures and it makes it easier.

Her gentle touches burnt like a million suns through the fabric of his clothing and right to his skin.

They’ve only known each other for about 30 minutes now. They haven’t seen the hosts of this house warming since they met. They’ve been so caught up with each other, they forgot where they really were and Harry liked that, which made him ask, “Would you like to go back to my place?” The words came out as a shocker to Y/n.

But it was bound to be ask. She looked up at Harry who looked like he was somewhat hesitant if he should’ve asked that. “I would say for a drink but…” He chuckles lightly as he holds up the red plastic cup filled with a light amount of alcohol. She can smell it on his breath from where she was standing with a mix of fruit and mint, she couldn’t put a pin on it, but she wasn’t complaining. She began to get lost in his scent as she watched the way his pretty pink lips moved with the words said. Tucking her lower lip between her teeth as she peaks down at the liquor and back up into his green eyes.

Harry takes one step closer, his finger that laid on his cup now less than a couple of centimeters off from touching her dress as he bent down towards her ear, whispering, “I would love to get to know you better.” He cocked his head back to see her full expression to see her inhaling sharply which caused a hint of his cologne to go to her nostrils.

“Is that so?” She smiles.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Down in the (link)dumps

On September 27, I'll be at Chevalier's Books in Los Angeles with Brian Merchant for a joint launch for my new book The Internet Con and his new book, Blood in the Machine. On October 2, I'll be in Boise to host an event with VE Schwab.

Back when I was writing on Boing Boing, I'd slam out 10-15 blog posts every day, short hits that served as signpost and public notebook, but I rarely got into longer analysis of the sort I do daily now on Pluralistic. Both modes are very useful for organizing one's thoughts, and indeed, they complement each other:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/05/09/the-memex-method/

The problem is that when you write long, synthetic essays, they crowd out the quick hits. Back in May 2022, I started including three short links with each edition of Pluralistic, in a section called "Hey look at this" (thanks to Mitch Wagner for suggesting it!):

https://pluralistic.net/2022/03/01/reit-modernization-act/#linkdump

But even with that daily linkdump, I still manage to accumulate link-debt, as interesting things pile up, not rising to the level of a long blog-post, but not so disposable as to be easy to flush. When the pile gets big enough, I put out a Saturday Linkdump:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

All of which is to say, it's Saturday, and I've got a linkdump!

First up, a musical interlude. I've been listening to DJ Earworm's amazing mashups since 2005 and while I've got dozens of tracks that shuffle in and out of my daily playlist, the one that makes me wanna get up and dance every time is "No One Takes Your Freedom," a wildly improbable banger composed of equal parts Aretha Franklin, The Beatles, George Michael and Scissor Sisters:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaboIeW1A_4

I defy you to play that one without bopping a little. I think it's the French horn from "For No One" that really kills it, the world's least expected intro to a heavy dance beat.

Moving swiftly on: let's talk about fonts. I remember when Wired magazine first showed up at the bookstores I was working at in Toronto, and my bosses – younger men than I am now! – complained that the tiny, decorative fonts, rendered in silver foil on a purple background, was illegible. I laughed at them, batting my young eyes and devouring the promise of a better future with ease, even in dim light.

Now it's thirty years later and I'm half-blind. Both my my decaying, aging eyes are filmed with cataracts that I'm too busy to get removed (though my doc promises permanent 20:20, perfect night-vision, and implanted bifocals when I can spare a month from touring with new books to get 'em fixed).

Which is to say: I spend a lot more time thinking about legibility now than I did in the early 1990s, and I've got a lot more sympathy for those booksellers' complaints about Wired's aggressively low-contrast design today. I'm forever on the hunt for fonts designed for high legibility.

This week, Kottke linked to B612, a free/open font family "designed for aircraft cockpit screens," commissioned by Airbus. It's got all the bells and whistles (e.g. hinting) and comes in variable and monospace faces:

https://b612-font.com/

B612 arrived at a fortuitous moment, coinciding with a major UI overhaul in Thunderbird, the app I spend the second-most time in (I spend more time in Gedit, the bare-bones text-editor that comes with Ubuntu, the flavor of GNU/Linux I use). A previous Thunderbird UI experiment had made all the UI text effectively unreadable for me, causing me to dive deep into the infinitely configurable settings to sub in my own fonts:

http://kb.mozillazine.org/UserChrome.css

The new UI is much better, but it broke all my old tweaks, so I went back into those settings and switched everything to B612, and it's amazeballs. I tried doing the same in Gedit, but B612 mono was too light for my shitty eyes, so I went back to Jetbrains Mono, another free/open font that has 8 weights to choose from:

https://www.jetbrains.com/lp/mono/

Love me a new, legible font! Meanwhile, a note for all you designers: the received wisdom that black on white type is "hard on the eyes" is a harmful myth. Stop with the grey-on-white type, for the love of all that is holy. This isn't 1992, you aren't laying out type for Wired Issue 1.0. Contrast is good, actually.

Continuing on the subject of software updates: Mastodon, the free, open, federated social media platform that anyone can host and that lets you hop between one server and another with just a couple clicks, has released a major update, focusing on usability, especially for people unfamiliar with its conventions:

https://blog.joinmastodon.org/2023/09/mastodon-4.2/

Included in this fix: a major overhaul to how you interact with posts on servers other than your home server. This was both confusing and clunky, and the fix makes it much better. They've also changed how sign-up flow works, making things simpler for newbies, and they've cleaned up the UI, tweaking threads, web previews and other parts of the daily experience.

There's also a lot of changes to search, but search still remains less than ideal, with multi-server search limited to hashtags. This is bad, actually. Thankfully, we don't have to wait for Mastodon devs to decide to fix it, because Mastodon is free and open, which means anyone with the skills to code a change, or the money to pay techies to do it, or the moral force to convince them to do it, can effect that change themselves:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/23/semipermeable-membranes/

Case in point: Mastoreader, a great new thread reader for Mastodon:

https://mastoreader.io/

Every time that guy who owns Twitter breaks it even worse, a new cohort of users sign up. Not all of them stay, but the growth is steady and the trendline is solid:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/11/of-course-mastodon-lost-users/

It's the right call: while there are other services that promise that they will be federated someday, promises are easy, and there's world of difference between "federateable" and "federated." As GW Bush told us, "Fool me twice, we don't get fooled again":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/06/fool-me-twice-we-dont-get-fooled-again/

One big difference between the kind of blogging I used to do in my Boing Boing days and the long-form work I do today is the graphics. When you're posting 10-15 times/day, you can't make each graphic a standout (or at least, I can't). But I can (and do) devote substantial time to making a single collage out of public domain and Creative Commons graphics every day:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/25/a-year-in-illustration/

I am not a visual person – literally, I can barely see! – but my daily art practice has slowly made me a less-terrible illustrator. I got in some good licks this week, like this graphic for the UAW's new "Eight-and-Skate" work-to-rule program:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/21/eight-and-skate/#strike-to-rule

That graphic was fun because all the elements were from the public domain, or fair use. I love it when that happens. I've spent years amassing a bulging folder of public domain clip art ganked from the web and this week, it got a major infusion, thanks to the Bergen Public Library's Flickr album of high-rez scans of antique book endpapers. 86 public domain textures? Yes please! (Also, the fact that Flickr has one-click download of all the hi-rez versions of every image in a photoset is another way that it stands out as a remnant of the old, good web, not so much a superannuated relic as an elegant weapon of a more civilized age):

https://www.flickr.com/photos/bergen_public_library/albums/72157633827993925

Speaking of strikes: there are strikes! Everygoddamnedwhere! After 40 years in a Reagan-induced coma, labor is back, baby. The Cornells School of Industrial and Labor Relations' Labor Action Tracker is your go-to, real-time observation post as hot labor summer turns into the permanent revolution. As of this writing, it's listing 968 labor actions in 1491 locations:

https://striketracker.ilr.cornell.edu

There's no war but class war and it was ever thus. Brian Merchant's forthcoming book Blood In the Machine is a history of the Luddites, revisiting that much-maligned labor uprising, which has been rewritten as a fight between technophobes and the inevitable forces of progress:

https://www.littlebrown.com/titles/brian-merchant/blood-in-the-machine/9780316487740/

The book unearths the true history of the Ludds: they were skilled technologists who were outraged by capital's commitment to immiseration, child slavery, and foisting inferior goods on a helpless public. You can get a long preview of the book in Fast Company:

https://www.fastcompany.com/90949827/what-the-luddites-can-teach-us-about-standing-up-to-big-tech

Merchant also talked with Roman Mars about the book on the 99 Percent Invisible podcast:

https://99percentinvisible.org/episode/blood-in-the-machine/transcript/

If that's piqued your interest and if you can make it to Los Angeles, come by Chevalier's Books this Wednesday, where Brian and I are having a joint book-launch (I've just published The Internet Con, my Luddite-adjacent "Big Tech Disassembly Manual"):

https://www.eventbrite.com/o/chevaliers-books-8495362156

Where is all this labor unrest coming from? Well as Stein's Law has it, "anything that can't go on forever will eventually stop." 40 years of corporate-friendly political economy has lit the world on fire and immiserated billions, and we've hit bottom and started the long, slow climb to a world that prioritizes human thriving over billionaire power.

One of the most tangible expressions of that vibe shift is the rise and rise of antitrust. The big news right now is the (first) trial of the century, Google's antitrust trial. What's that? You say you haven't heard anything about it? Well, perhaps that has to do with the judge banning recording and livestreaming and not making transcripts available. Don't worry, he's also locking observers out of his courtroom for hours at a time during closed testimony. Oh, and also? The DoJ just agreed that it won't post its exhibits from the trial online anymore. You can follow what dribbles of information as are emerging from our famously open court system at US v Google:

https://usvgoogle.org/trial-update-9-22

If the impoverished trickle of Google antitrust news has you down, don't despair, there's more coming, because the FTC is apparently set to drop its long-awaited suit against Amazon:

https://finance.yahoo.com/news/ftc-poised-sue-amazon-antitrust-163432081.html

Amazon spent years blowing hundreds of millions of dollars of its investors' cash, selling goods below cost and buying up rivals until it became the most important channel for every kind of manufacturer to reach their customers. Now, Amazon is turning the screws. A new report from the Institute for Local Self-Reliance details the 45% Amazon Tax that every merchant pays to reach you:

https://ilsr.org/AmazonMonopolyTollbooth-2023/

That 45% tax is passed on to you – whether or not you shop at Amazon. Amazon's secretive most favored nation terms mean that if a seller raises their price on Amazon, they have to raise it everywhere else, which means you're paying more at WalMart and Target because of Amazon's policies.

Those taxes are bad for us, but they're good for Amazon's investors. This year, the company stands to make $185 billion from junk-fees charged to platform sellers. As David Dayen points out, Amazon charges so much to ship third-party sellers' goods that it fully subsidizes Amazon's own shipping:

https://prospect.org/power/2023-09-21-amazons-185-billion-pay-to-play-system/

That's right: as Stacy Mitchell writes in the report, "Amazon doesn’t have to build warehousing and shipping costs into the price of its own products, because it’s found a way to get smaller online sellers to pay those costs."

Now, one of the amazing things about antitrust coming back from the grave is that just the threat of antitrust enforcement can moderate even the most vicious bully's conduct. Faced with the looming FTC case, Amazon just canceled its plan to charge even more junk fees:

https://www.reuters.com/legal/amazon-drops-planned-merchant-fee-ftc-lawsuit-looms-bloomberg-news-2023-09-20/

But despite this win, Amazon is still speedrunning the enshittification cycle. The latest? Unskippable ads in Prime Video:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-09-22/amazon-prime-video-content-to-include-ads-staring-early-2024

Remember when Amazon promised you ad-free video if you'd lock yourself into shopping with them by pre-paying for a year's shipping with Prime? The company has fully embraced the Darth Vader MBA: "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it further."

That FTC case can't come a moment too soon.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/23/salmagundi/#dewey-102

[tojiscrack]

𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐌𝐄 ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

this was long overdue but it’s here now so let’s go!

— i’m a freshly-turned 18 year old (24th oct)

— ‘sumaya’ is a pseudonym 🫣

— british asian :)

— currently studying for my a-levels

— major satoru gojo enthusiast (you will literally never find someone who loves that man more than i do)

— my favourite anime of all time is attack on titan. following that would probably be death note, but i really enjoyed the journey jujutsu kaisen was taking before its end <3

— very opinionated and enjoy debating

— rom-coms 🤝 me (emphasis on the com part — i like to think it shows in my writing lol)

— i’ve watched so many shows over the years, here are the couples i ship for all of them:

gossip girl: dan and blair, lily and rufus

attack on titan: eren and mikasa, ymir and historia (but HEAVY on eren and mikasa, my babies)

the vampire diaries: stefan and elena

harry potter: harry and hermione, remus and tonks, lily and james

jujutsu kaisen: toji and mamaguro, miwa and mechamaru, yuta and maki (HEAVY on the first one tho)

you: joe and my fist

the hunger games: katniss and peeta

modern family: literally all the senior couples (gloria and jay, cam and mitch, and phil and claire), but HEAVY on phil and claire, i love them sm

i’ve definitely missed a couple hundred shows/films, i’ll probably add to this list haha

— fav mc in all of fiction = eren jaeger.

— i’m a book girly through and through. if you know i’ve watched a movie or a show that has a book counterpart, 9 times out of 10 i will have already read it

— fav series for books:

the folk of the air series: the cruel prince , the wicked king , and the queen of nothing (followed by the spin-off duology)

a good girl’s guide to murder series: a good girl’s guide to murder , good girl, bad blood , as good as dead

a thousand splendid suns (this BROKE me)

— my mbti: entj — commander

— i love caramel milk tea, or caramel frappes, or just anything caramel really

— the same way gojo loves sweet treats, i love spicy food (like if i’m blowing up the toilet at 3am, mission accomplished)

— favourite season: autumn 🤭

— favourite holiday: halloween!!!

— i live off of fizzy drinks. ppl call me crazy but i hate water :/

— horror movies/mystery genre 🤝 me

— as much as i write a lot of fanfiction, i don’t ready any 😭 unfortunately, i see characters a certain way in my mind (like their canon counterparts), and if i read some and they’re more fanon centred… idk, it just rubs me the wrong way. it’s just a personal preference tho, write fanon as much as you want, it’s your story after all! i incorporate bits and pieces of fanon in mine, too, but i just don’t prefer it being a focal point, so i tend to avoid reading fanfiction all the same :)

— i’m a study freak 😕 (workaholic)

— open to making friends on here, always. i like to think i’m easy to talk to!

this will most likely be updated if i’ve missed anything else. until then, you know all there is to know about me!

[foxes-that-run]

Keep Driving

I love him so much. My 1 step plan to make anyone love him is watching him perform.

He said of Keep Driving when he first played it at the NY ONO show:

And before the next song, I wanna say thank you to my good friend and collaborator Mitchell Rowland! Say hi daddy! (laughs) I wrote this next song with Mitch and he supports me in every way possible, he literally makes me sound so much better, thank you for being on stage with me and thank you Sarah!

The screen s when he performed it on love on tour were lover/fine line pink & blue.

Keep Driving is a stream of consciousness, snapshot moments of a life, interspersed with asking his love if they should continue, noting they have overcome hard times. The tempo is important, it becomes more disjointed and chaotic when he is distracted and it calms and returns to a happy pace when he communicates with his love, checking in how they are. The question is almost rhetorical, he wants to continue and is reminding himself to not lose the connection with his muse.

Harry and Taylor have sung about communication and being tongue tied a lot, so Keep Driving is important growth. To me, it sounds like the way Harry posts to social media, seemingly random things that hold meaning to him. It could almost be 'should I keep scrolling?' as that also speaks to interaction without communication.

The title is a Haylor theme, @womanexile has a post of the times they refer to driving here, which is many of their pivotal songs.

Lyrics

Black and white film camera Yellow sunglasses Ashtray, swimming pool Hot wax, jump off the roof

The B&W film camera makes me think of polaroids and Taylor's OOTW line "You took a polaroid of us and discovered the rest of the world was in B&W and we were in screaming colour." A line Harry referenced in his IG feed for 2 years from when that song came out, they were seen at the same place on the dates of most colour photos.

Taylor wore yellow sunglasses and a men's shirt in the 22 MV shoot. The 22 MV also has a with a pool and acting up.

Harry refers to hot wax in Hunger "Candles burnt down to the floor / Wearing less than you wore before"

A small concern with how the engine sounds We held darkness in withheld clouds I would ask, "Should we just keep driving?"

Harry can hear their is a concern with the relationships engine, he notes they have overcome troubles before and rather than running he talks to his partner. Huge progress on communication.

This chorus plays an important role in the tempo and meaning of the song, stopping and talking to each other to ask 'should we keep driving' calms the tempo down, when he and his beloved stop talking and get distracted by the other things it gets chaotic. The message is to communicate. He can see a trouble in the relationship, but they overcome difficult times before, by communicating things calm and it continues.

I Know Places: "Something happens when everybody finds out, see the vultures circling dark clouds" also the Me! MV has their phantom/ghost as a cloud. The Late Night Talking MV also has dark storm clouds at 2:37.

Maple syrup, coffee Pancakes for two Hash brown, egg yolk I will always love you

This verse is telling of a private times together, with common breakfast items. Harry has also referred to breakfast in the unreleased Hunger "We would stay in my house for days / Spilling breakfast on pillowcases"

Passports in footwells Kiss her and don't tells Wine glass, puff pass, tea with cyborgs Riot America, science and edibles Life hacks going viral in the bathroom

Harry missed his flight before the NYE kiss because he left his passport in his mum's car.

Kiss her and don’t tells is self explanatory, but speaks to the long period of time Harry was dating Taylor and constantly asked about her in interviews. The point he made audiences laughing because he’d say “I think the thing is with songwriting…”

Cyborgs are in the Ready for it Music Video. In the BTS Taylor also (1:25) calls them this. The BTS videos are messing with H, complete with edging the way she speaks and how sassily she says her and Joe's birth years will be together.

Cocaine, side boob Choke her with a sea view Toothache, bad move Just act normal Moka pot Monday, it's all good Hey, you Should we just keep driving?

So much attention is on the cocaine line here and in daylight. He did have some tiny pupils in late 1D days. To Howard Stern he said "Who ultimately do you want to be at the end of the day?' You don't want to be the guy who died. You don't want to be the guy who's like whacked out on drugs. You want to be the guy who's 70 and playing for three hours because he can, and he wants to, and everyone's loving it, and he's having fun." Gosh I want that for him.

Harry referenced the Seaview in the Adore you video. Taylor and Harry have both referenced sea views, with the Cannes IG posts, the sl*t lyric video and promotion for cruel summer.

There's no sideboob shortage around Mr Styles. OW had some when this song was coming out, but HH was mostly written before before they met. I think this is Taylor at the 2013 People's Choice awards. It was 2 weeks after the boat break up, rumors if there was shading or a hickey, different Red era style. She also had sideboob at the 2013 VMSs when they may have gotten back together.

Taylor chipped a tooth on stage and just acted normal. This happened August 2013 while they dated.

Finally Harry has sung about Coffee three times, always about communication, which is the message of the song: Falling "And the coffee's out / At the Beachwood Café", Music for a Sushi Restaurant "Late night, game time / Coffee on the stove, yeah" and here.

[3416]

wait sorry I’m new here. I thought the daddy issues was just a lil innocent joke, so it’s not? I have no idea about anything related to his family relationship like that so can anyone fill me in? what happened?

that’s so sad when you look at it like that. the way you described. he’s someone really sweet, it’s so interesting to watch him just exist, he so weird (in such good way).

i mean. it is usually just something people jokingly say, and i don't know anyone in the situation personally... we only get the bits and pieces of personality they give away and are sometimes clued in by other people describing them but.

this video is from 2011 about paul marner being a hockey dad, with a little over the top helicopter parenting even knowing he was being filmed like. fkljdszlfklds. but then there's also mitch's contract extension in 18/19 where paul was really involved and all kinds of stuff was leaking to the media and just. people still hold grudges and hate toward mitch specifically about that to this day, lol. anyway. like... he's on what seems like fine terms with his parents for the most part, they both walked him down the aisle at his wedding, etc etc but i don't think all of that erases things that are done and said in your childhood... and since i was prompted to talk about where i THINK mitch could "have some darkness in him," that's the part i was aiming for. he said in media within the past year that his dad knows not to talk to him about hockey, so clearly there's some damage done there.

[alcafrach]

I finished watching "The Firm" (1993) and... every character played by Cruise is a fkn planning genius. Really. No matter if it is a special agent, an american pilot or an attorney or smth else. Each of them has a mind-blowing plan and – what is even more important �� succeeds with it.

I won't talk much about Ethan. Hunt always has a crazy plan and always saves the day. Just pick blindly any Mission Impossible film.

Maverick also has an absolutely impossible plan to get out alive but he also succeeds

And now here's Mitch, who set in motion a brilliant plan of getting away from both the firm and the FBI. AND he does this. AND stays alive. Impossible

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: Paranorman

Considering how fond of horror movies, it's odd how few of them register in the very top tier of my favorite movie lists. Something could perhaps be said about how the best-made horror movies are often not very fun, but that's a question for another day. Today I want to talk about a horror movie I love, and for that pinch of extra hipster spice, it's a stop-motion animation flick.

Norman Babcock, Age 11, is a bit of an outcast in the little suburban town of Blithe Hollow, MA. The reason? He can see and talk to ghosts. After a series of increasingly harrowing visions and a meeting with his profoundly kooky uncle, Norman sees disaster in the town's immediate future, and only he can stop it. Norman is aided on his pint-sized quest for the future of his home by his outcast friend Neil, Neil's jock brother Mitch, the school bully Alvin, and somewhat reluctantly, his older sister Courtney. Their progress is only impeded by their own profound incompetence, and the fact that the dead appear to be rising from their graves spurred on by the curse of a long-dead witch.

Paranorman is notable for a couple of things. First of all, its visual design is awesome. Real care is put into making the town of Blithe Hollow and everyone who lives in it just a little bit off, asymmetric, messy in a way that makes it all an effective caricature in the way only animation can be. And speaking of animation, it is also gorgeous. Laika has been doing puppet stop motion for a while now, and they are killing it at this point. Their use of 3D-printed modular faces gives them a surprisingly wide range of emotional expressions to their little fellas.

This increased emotional dexterity comes in handy because this movie also navigates some shockingly dark stuff for a kid's movie. The true nature of the witch's curse and what events spurred it on are some dark stuff, and the movie treats the most somber reveals with quiet contemplation rather than the all-too-common trend of playing it off with a joke to lighten the mood.

The movie also is surprisingly scary for a movie for children. Especially the initial exploration of the curse and a few moments in the movie's climax never fails to send a chill down my spine. This isn't to say the movie isn't appropriate for its intended audience, merely to suggest it'll slot nicely into the Doctor Who "Watched with a mix of fascination of fear" pantheon in that regard.

Also, as far as story goes, Paranorman has a real banger of a third act. After resolving the ongoing source of conflict, although one of the parties doubtlessly has learned nothing, Norman heads for the core of the problem to confront the witch on her home turf. It culminates in a powerful scene, both because it's thematically very powerful how Norman ends up coming out on top and because Laika decides to make a very interpersonal climax also visually stunning with enough action to keep the tempo up. In a lesser film, this confrontation would take place in a magical tornado or somesuch and it'd still be a good scene, but Laika's apocalyptic parkour therapy session is a treat for both the brain and the eyes.

In the end, Paranorman feels like a very mature movie for its target age range. Norman does take a stand against bullying and the small-mindedness of his little town, but it doesn't change all that many minds. The simple reason for that is that most people are just complacent with their views and are more than willing to add another untrue axiom to the story they tell themselves about their lives rather than confront uncomfortable truths. Still, Norman manages to change the minds of the people who matter to him, and with that in tow, he finds the strength to meet the stupidity of the world around him with a laugh.

There's just a lot going on with this movie that I don't have the column space to get into here, but I will just quickly mention: The reoccurring gag about Norman's sister hitting on Mitch and him just not getting it and how it resolves, the detail that the witch and Norman are related which isn't super important but another nice parallel, how exactly the curse works, how incredibly down the citizens of Blithe Hollow are for a Zombie situation. I could go on, but I believe my point is demonstrated. Go see Paranorman. Statistically most of you haven't gotten around to it yet.

[dozing-marshmallow]

What about Chris and reader watching tucker and Dale vs the forces of evil? One of my favorite movies of all time, super funny.

HALLELUJAH I FINALLY FOUND THE MOVIE ON YOUTUBE😫 I’m so sorry I put this off for so long, anon! I couldn’t find the movie anywhere for the longest time and it was such a relief to finally find it 😭 Who knew it was on YouTube after a second try of searching? Looking back on it now, it was an amazing film and I regret not watching it sooner! I hope this was worth the wait, you absolutely deserved an answer for being so patient 💘

Spoiler and trigger warning to those who haven’t heard of this movie before, it’s a horror film that involved a lot of gorey scenes with majority of them embedded in this post, so if you’re uncomfortable, don’t feel that you need to continue reading!

WATCHING TUCKER AND DALE VS EVIL WITH CHRIS MCLEAN

“Let’s watch another classic.” you hold the DVD out in front of Chris, Tucker and Dale vs evil.

He has himself a good look and smiles,“You know what the name reminds me of?”

“What?”

“That one cartoon.”

“What, Star vs. the forces of evil?”

He clicks his fingers,“Yeah!”

“Hah.” Having summarised knowledge of the movie’s premise, you could only feel smug at the lighthearted nature of that franchise being nothing alike to what you were putting into the DVD player.

Three days ago.

In the beginning, the movie takes you on a journey with a bunch of young people inside a car, travelling somewhere for school break, having stopped at a gas station along the way to pick up some beer. This is where you meet the actual protagonists, Tucker and Dale, whom were also at the store collecting some housework equipment.

“Smile and laugh.” was Tucker’s advice for Dale’s demeanour in talking to the college girls that were helping each other to store bags of supplies into the car.

Naturally, the kids were uncomfortable with this ragged looking man approaching them, nervously laughing.

“Why is he going to them with that scythe?” you ask, despite knowing Dale had unconsciously made a poor choice of grabbing the closet thing to him in order to appear more normal.

“He’s the grim reaper! He’s gonna end everyone’s lives from how embarrassing this is!” Talk about figurative language, especially admirable on Chris’ part.

The college students coincide their hangout spot at the same woods Tucker and Dale went to where the night had settled and they were around the campfire, sharing a horror story of the “Memorial Day Massacre”, where in the exact woods they were in was a mass killing of college students, orchestrated by “Tucker and Dale’s kind”, twenty years ago.

“Wait, so if that was the case, why the hell did they think that was a good place to go to?” they were practically sitting in a graveyard.

Chris scoffs,“Teenagers.”

In a flashback of the Memorial Day Massacre, one of the killers whom joined the college students had sunk a sharpened cog into his neck before throwing it into the face of his first victim.

“OOH.”

“OOH.”

The group quickly disperses and it became every man for themselves. The scene then ends when the new batch decides to go swimming in the lake.

After a failed night of skinny dipping and assuming the main female heroine Allison was captured by the “creepy men from the store”, it was now up to her friend group to “rescue” her.

“It’s just a cabin, it doesn’t mean they’re psycho killers.” One of the boys comment as the group walks into the sight of the previously abandoned shelter.

“Oh yeah? Then why don’t you go in there and talk to them?” Chloe snarked, obviously not buying the idea.

“Alright. Maybe I will.” The collective looks back to Mitch, waiting for him to go,“I said maybe.”

“He reminds me of Cody...” Chris remarks in a thinking, squinting manner with his finger to his chin,“He’s got the style, the confidence, the hair...”

To compare a character to Cody in a horror film considerably meant the most unlucky thing,“Oh no.”

Mitch’s maybe ends up forcefully becoming a yes after losing a game of Rock Paper Scissors. So he makes his way towards the foggy cabin.

Tucker meanwhile was outside, minding his own business, getting on with wood sawing when he gravely jabs the chainsaw into a wasp nest, enraging the buzzing inhabitants to chase him in a frenzy, sending an entirely different message to the teens.

“Why is he just running with it!? Like why can’t he just throw it to the ground?” you cry when the movie, if shown to someone who had walked in, would look as it did to the kids in movie.

“I dunno. But it’s sure funnier this way.” Your spouse’s statement spelt true by his chuckling.

Having been faulty in his attention to his rapid change of surroundings, Mitch ends up getting stabbed by a tree branch. And not only did he get stabbed, his body somehow ripped halfway through. 

“How the hell does that happen?” it was kind of gross to see,“Right in the heart? You can’t just run into a stick and end up that deep in it to the point where it’s coming out your back!”

“Huh. Look at that, it really is Cody.” All Chris had to say, to the dying boy who spent his last moments realising the opposing truth behind Tucker’s running. Had he lived, the movie may have moved more smoothly.

It then cuts back to Allison and Dale playing their board games, jolly in the cabin.

“Girl’s unaware her friend died.” you nearly chock on the bitter change of atmosphere.

“I just think that so many of the major problems and conflicts in the world are caused by a lack of communication, you know.”

Isn’t that ironic.

Here, the kids were executing their scheme to tackle the men. Again.

One of the students, Todd, had sharpened a spear from a tree branch and began running at Dale and Allison in the middle of them digging a hole. However, Todd javelin throws it into the pit, moments before fatally tripping and landing right through it, where Dale’s soft heart witnessed in panic, drools of blood falling from his mouth.

“Again?” you’re shocked,“Why are all these kids going straight into the tree branch? It doesn’t work like that in real life!”

There was another, Mike, hiding behind a tree, watching Tucker getting on with some wood chipping. Off the brink of bravery(or stupidity), he ran with pocket knife at the ready. But Tucker was a lucky ducker. So Mike ran.

Right into the wood chipper.

“AOW.” you involuntarily let out. What a way to go.

Chris was laughing. Tucker, now horrified at the sudden appearance of the boy inside the machine, drops his blocks of wood to try rip him out even though it was way too late to do anything(which again was terribly mistaken, of him trying to push him into the machine).

“That is so disgusting.” you watch the bimbo in front getting drenched in his bodily pulp,“Noo...why did they have to show the shot of him coming out like that? I can’t imagine how that skeleton looks...”

Chris coughs out the last few chips of laughter,“Yeah, he’s gone.”

“So, this is a movie full of dumb people dying in the most ridiculous ways, is that what I’m seeing?” Your question sounded more like a screech against words.

“Pretty much.” It may have been a horrible thing to wish for, but Chris’ carelessness was something you too hope to embody in the future- to horror films.

“Long day for them.” Tucker himself was also all bloodied from head to toe,“He needs a serious shower.”

The movie switches perspective back on the teens, where the saner ones were wondering why they were still there and debating on how to leave. Chad had himself a monologue.

“How many people do you think get a chance for something like this?... The chance to live, to be free from people always telling you what you can and can’t do.”

“He’s actually such an instigator, what is wrong with him?” you question aloud in disgust at Chad’s thought process on the situation, like it was a game,“Do what any normal person would do and leave, don’t hang around. About us against them.”

“Hero complex, (Y/N).” Chris coldly worded, sipping loudly from his pop soda.

Police sirens then play in the background and everyone(except a pricky Chad) ran to the direction of it.

“We don’t need the fucking cops!”

“Watch when the police aren’t even coming for them.” a smile drove on your face at the thought of such a scenario, driving one onto Chris’ face too.

“That would be funny.”

“Oh, disgusting.” you gag at the sight of Tucker and Dale dragging Mike’s legs across the ground,“Isn’t messing with the body a crime?”

“I don’t think that’s what’s important right now...” Chris replies, eyes stuck on the screen.

“You know what I don’t get...”  you start, watching the police car stop in front of them, your throat drying for the men,“He sees this guy who he’s assuming is a psycho killer with a chainsaw and without a hook, working with a machine that can be very dangerous if misused... And his best thought of action is to run to him? Not sneak? How-How does he know that this supposed killer isn’t gonna use the machine on him?”

“That’s what college does to you (Y/N), it makes you dumber.” Chris claims, the scene of testimony miserably unfolds as Tucker attempts his best to explain what had happened to the sheriff, no matter how unbelievable it looked.

“You must think that I’m some kind of moron to believe a story like that.”

“Is that why you didn’t go?”

One easy way to offend him,“Way to spread misinfo, (Y/N)! I went then dropped out.”

“That’s even more sad.”

Having leaned on a pillar(same loose pillar in the beginning Tucker said he would need to fix), the Sheriff had fallen victim to an own accidental death, with a piece from the top impaling him on the face and doing so forcefully, he was hurled out of the cabin.

“Oh for God’s sake.” you face palm, both Tucker and Dale rushing out of the cabin in concern for the officer,“Is it everyday.”

“I mean, they did try warn him... At least he sees how the deaths are happening.” Chris smiles, contrasting to you flinching when he stumbled back to the car with nails right through his face and the remaining students inside the car losing it.

“Damn it! Tucker, I told you you should’ve fixed that beam!”

One of the kids in the car decides he’ll be saviour so he immediately leaves the passenger seat to arm himself with the dead Sheriff’s gun, aiming at the technically innocent men. The gun had its safety on, and Dale naively gives away how to turn it off, while Chuck was looking right into the barrel.

“Stupid kid, did he just shoot himself?” you exclaim when his body rapidly collapses in front of the splash of blood on the car front.

“At this point, the director wanted everyone off now.” Chris tittered, shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth.

Thinking he was God’s servant, Chad took the gun off Chuck’s corpse and began firing Dale and Tucker into retreating back into their cabin. To reel them back out, he had to resort to a more inhuman measure that weighed out his pretentious “survival of the fittest” death match.

“No no no, I know this movie isn’t about to kill off the dog.” you shake your head at Chad holding a gun to the head of Jangers, through the perspective of the titular duo inside the cabin.

“I love when the people die, but if they kill that dog, I am switching this movie off.” Chris warned, thumb circling around on the red power button of the remote.

Praise be, he didn’t need to push it, because it was a good horror movie; good horror movies don’t rely on the animals dying, so Jangers was gracefully saved- unfortunately, that couldn’t apply to Tucker whom was caught by Chad shortly after freeing the dog, hanging upside down and letting out a bloodcurdling scream when Chad bellowed his axe onto him.

“Is it bad I can’t see where he hit him?” Chris rewinded the part three times to try spot  any bleeding wound, but nothing.

“It’s more bad that they’re just allowing their friend to do that.”

About time, Allison reunited with half of her friend group inside Tucker’s cabin while the country men were on their way back.

“Wait a minute... I remember reading about this in my sociology class.” one of Allison’s friends recalled after listening to Allison’s rebuttal on the crazed serial killer label on Tucker and Dale they had lived under for time.

You would think that hearing from their friend who they thought was kidnapped’s perspective would finally put an end to the accidental deaths, right?

“...Stockholm syndrome. When someone who’s been kidnapped ends up falling in love with their kidnapper.”

Pause.

Both you and Chris got up from sofa.

“Congratulations.” you clap deadpanned, sitting back down,“Con-gratu-lations. Whatever your name was, I hope you’re happy. Because now, you have that one going off the deep end even more,” you point to where the screen froze on Chad,“And you have Allison looking like a dickhead.” 

“You’re falling in love with him?”

Your mouth gapes from annoyance,“Why is he going off what that whore said?”

“Cuuuz! That boy is if Sierra possessed Cody.” Chris answered merrily,“And did Sierra ever have common sense?”

“Good point.”

Poor Allison was trying to insist that wasn’t true, but Naomi was so set on her nebulous statement, nodding her head away like a bitch.

“Oh my God, she’s pissing me off!” you were close to dashing the remote at the TV, “She’s not a professional, she can’t just make conclusions off medical conditions she knows nothing about! Cunt’s acting like it’s not a rare occurrence and even if it wasn’t, it’s not instant!”

“Yeah... She may be more of an airhead than Lindsay.” Chris laughs mockingly,“You should be the sociology teacher instead.”

That was actually a really big compliment,“Thank you Chris.”

“Where did that other blonde girl go?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.” Chris dismisses,“I bet you that Chad is gonna have the most gruesome death.”

“Is that Chamomile Tea cuz I can’t have that, it fucks with my asthma.”

“Oh hear that he has asthma, note that, that’s gonna be important for later.”

This hearts to hearts discussion Allison had initiated was going great until Jason and Chloe disrupts it(answering your question). Weed whacker at hand, Jason revives the accidental tragedy motif of the movie by slashing Naomi’s face off in attempt to get Tucker, her features twisting away in a bloodshed swirl.

“Aw see that was your friend this time, your friend, your friend.” you shout at Chad, hoping that would knock some sense into him that these deaths were happening by their own hand.

Chris dully rocks his head from side to side,“It just keeps going and going and going and going.”

Newcomer Jason ended up on fire after Chad threw a lampshade, and Chloe in desperate aid to help him, throws the nearest substance she could find (a paint thinner), worsening the situation and causing an explosion that ultimately killed herself, Naomi and Chad’s face to melt together with his flesh and skin.

“He has a little something...on his face.” Chris motions to the side of his face like Chad could see.

Tucker, Dale and Allison make a break for the truck to escape his impending wrath, Chad somehow immune to the burns of his disfigured face.

“Yeahh there’s no helping that thing, just go.”

Well, accidents happen and now Allison had yet to be rescued, with “captor” and “hero” correctly swapping places.

Morning came when she woke up, in an alarming tied down state under the disfigured Chad. He proceeds to lick her face moments after her new dangerous reality cut into her consciousness to your repulse.

Dale breaks into the warehouse and a fight between him and Chad commences. With Allison destined to be sawn in half slowly, Dale’s shoulders piled more with bricks of pressure to act. With a successful axe throw, Allison is freed and the two rush their way upstairs to frantically search for anything useful for their defence.

“It can’t be... They lied to me... How could they!”

“Yeah, see your life.” you snicker when Chad looks over the newspaper in seething disbelief at the painful truth of his conception,“I kinda feel sorry for him though.”

Chris illustrates his lack of empathy once more,“I expected something like that the moment I saw the killer drag her in the flashback. Talk about family lineage.”

Alas, post inhaling the boxed chamomile tea, Chad presumably falls to his death out of the window on the second floor and had been broadcasted as the scapegoat to all the deaths of the new generation of college kids. Tucker ends up in the hospital, Dale ends up in the bowling alley with Allison(who becomes his girl).

“All three of them deserved that happy ending.” You say adoringly. Right after you said that, there was screaming from other bowling girls and the stranger man who Dale had given flirting advice on was dragging the unconscious girl of his dreams in his arms in the background of him and Allison making out.

“Annnnd the cycle continues.” Chris gets the final piece of commentary in with a grin before the movie cuts to the rock credits,“Well! That was that. If I’m being honest, when you first came to me with this movie, I was thinking of something entirely different. I thought there was gonna be defying the laws of gravity or something.”

“Hah!” You crack your knuckles,“Didja like the version you got?”

He nods impressed,“Absolutely. Would you happen to know where this was filmed?”

“Errr I think, somewhere in Calgary. Why?” You should have thought twice before giving away such information to Chris.

He stands up,“No reason.”

[thenationaltreasuregazette]

To the editor,

@emmi-kat said it first, but i humbly submit a second vote for a post-Book of Secrets injuries post? The post-Cibola angst possibilities are unmatched.

As always, love your work!

Injuries in Book of Secrets

By popular demand, injuries in National Treasure: Book of Secrets!

@emmi-kat @arsenicalbronze Thank you for the request and your patience!

I’ll be honest, I’ve been avoiding some of the BoS questions you lovely folks have sent because it’s just…not my favorite. Certainly not in the way that the first National Treasure is.

Like it’s fine. I almost always watch BoS after I watch National Treasure and I have a good time watching it. It’s an okay movie. There are a lot of individual sequences that I like. I like the Buckingham Palace nonsense. I like kidnapping the President. I actually like most of them!

But as a whole, it just doesn’t do it for me. Every time I watch National Treasure I get a little more enchanted by the whole thing. Every time I watch Book of Secrets I get more disillusioned.

Imo, Book of Secrets works as a movie, but it fails as a sequel.

But that is not this! Let’s talk about injuries.

Hypothermia, falling rocks, danger vs peril and more under the cut!

Something that stands out to me about Book of Secrets is that the characters are in danger a lot, but they aren’t really in peril as much as in the first movie.

As I'll be using them here:

Danger - bodily harm is possible, but not inevitable. The threat is one step away. Peril — bodily harm is basically inevitable; the treat is here.

Robbing the Archives is dangerous. Ben could get caught, shot, tased, or arrested at any point.

Rescuing Abigail from the catering truck is perilous. Injury is all but inevitable.

Since everyone is on more-or-less the same trajectory in this film, I’ll go by sequence rather than by character.

ACT 1

Setup: Reveal of the Page

No injuries here except hurt pride and maybe a paper cut.

Likewise with breaking into Abigail’s house and looking at the page under infrared at the Archives.

Danger: 0/5 Peril: 0/5

Debate: Cracking the Cypher

The first whiff of danger, I would argue, is when Abigail meets Mitch for a drink. We know he’s the bad guy, but she doesn’t. She can sense there’s something shady about him, but I don’t think she guesses that he’s willing to use violence to get what he wants, otherwise I don’t think she’d meet him alone. She did experience Ian, after all.

Danger: 2/5 Peril: 0/5

ACT 2

Paris

Ben and Riley do get stopped by the police here, but they’re in danger of a ticket (or, I supposed I should say, they’re in peril of a ticket, because Riley does get one lol). Nobody’s physical safety or ability to complete the treasure hunt is compromised.

But then Patrick is attacked! He receives a nasty blow to the head—hard enough to knock him out in one hit. That’s going to leave a bump, and more than likely a concussion, though he doesn’t seem to be exhibiting the symptoms of such in rest of the movie.

And though we see later in the cave sequence that Patrick is pretty spry for his age, I have to imagine that the resulting fall is also a problem for him. He’s unconscious, so he wouldn’t be bracing against the fall, which can also cause injuries, but he also isn’t in control of how he lands at all.

He could have bruises, scrapes, or potentially even a broken bone, but given that he tells Ben he’s okay, and he seems to be, these injuries appear to be mild.

Danger: 0/5 Peril: 3/5

Buckingham Palace

Things start to get a little bit more interesting for the trio in London.

During the Buckingham Palace sequence, Ben is in danger for the first time in the film.

At first the danger is minor. He’s at risk of making a scene (check!), maybe getting banister burn on his legs, and of getting handled roughly by security.

Since it’s England, I believe they’d only be carrying nightsticks, so Ben isn’t at risk of being shot, but those guys all have military badges on. They can absolutely do some damage if they want to. At this point though, they don’t want or need to cause a scene like that, they just want to get Ben out of the public area.

Once Ben and Abigail escape the containment unit and ride up the dumbwaiter to the Queen’s study, the danger increases considerably. They’re now trespassing in Buckingham Palace, and in the Queen’s private study no less. If they get caught here, they’re going to be in considerably more physical and legal danger.

But that’s if.

Since they don’t, the main injury they’re at risk for is, like, carpet burns. (And if Ben or Abigail has any allergies to flowers, an allergy attack in the dumbwaiter, but since that doesn’t happen, I have to assume they do not.)

Danger: 4/5 Peril: 0/5

Beer Truck Chase

All right, some peril!

When Mitch and Co pursue them for the plank, Team Treasure is in danger and in peril for the first time in the film.

First off, Mitch’s henchman—whose name I know even less than I know the name of Ian’s guys—is shooting at them.

In addition to the obvious risk of actually being shot, because they’re being shot at in a car, there’s glass flying everywhere. It would be safety glass, the kind that breaks into little chunks rather than dangerous shards, but the gang could still receive scratches or abrasions from the pieces. That goes for the initial breaking of the widows and being tossed around with the glass pieces during the car chase.

The car chase itself poses a lot of danger of being hit, captured, or shot, but also of being hurt more minority while in the car.

They could get bruises or whiplash while being thrown back and forth in the car. If anyone is bracing a hand or foot on instinct to stop themselves from sliding around, they could sprain or strain those muscles.

At one point, the back of the car swings rather violently into the side of a double-decker tour bus and the remaining windows shatter. This seems to affect Abigail the most, as she’s the one shown getting flung toward the door.

She’s also sitting in the middle of the back seat, which I understand 100% from a blocking/cinematography standpoint so she’s in between Ben and Riley when they’re shown from the front. But from an in-universe standpoint? Girl. You are in a car chase. Get your ass into a proper seatbelt.

Then there are beer kegs flying everywhere, which makes the driving harder, but doesn’t seem to immediately affect any of our trio in the car.

Lastly, Ben runs a red light, which puts them in danger but ends up working out okay.

I would also be getting car stick by that point, but maybe that’s just me.

Danger: 4/5 Peril: 4/5

I have to say though, I feel bad every time I watch the DVD featurette about how this car chase—which they had to get special permission to shoot in downtown London—was the most ambitious sequence in the franchise.

Because it is also my least favorite sequence in the franchise, hands down.

The effects are nice, but character-wise it’s boring. Nothing character-wise is at stake.

Article idea! Catering truck chase vs beer truck chase. TBD

Emily

Then they try to decode the panel and go to Emily for help. I’m gonna mark this as “some danger” because sure, nobody’s got a gun, but it just feels wrong to mark “bickering divorcees” as a 0.

Danger: 2/5 Peril: 0/5

The Oval Office

The danger here is immense. If they get caught breaking into the Oval Office, Ben and Abigail will at best, be violently detained for an indefinite period of time, and at worst, shot on sight.

But it’s not that kind of movie though, so we don’t even see Secret Service agents nearby. The threat the movie is using to build tension is much more “What if Connor catches us?” than “What is the Secret Service catches/kills us?”

Again, the main injury they actually come away with is probably carpet burns. (And some serious interpersonal awkwardness.)

Danger: 12/5 Peril: 1/5

MIDPOINT — “I’m gonna kidnap him. I’m gonna kidnap the President of the United States”

Mount Vernon

So. We check out Riley’s book, consult with Agent Sadusky, and then it’s off to kidnap the president.

At this point we do see the Secret Service, both in boats patrolling the water, and in and around the party. They are the threat this time. And frankly I think it was smart of the movie to save them for this sequence, rather than use that tension twice in a row.

The threats here are that Patrick could be detained for 48 hours without cause.

Ben could:

Be shot in the water

Be shot on land

Have a scuba accident

Be shot on land some more

Be caught and detained and convicted of conspiring to kidnap the President of the United States

Once Ben is with the President, he isn’t in peril again—only in danger—until he goes through with his plan to shut the door. Now both the danger and the peril are high, because any “detained and questioned” options have been taken off the table.

However, he doesn’t actually seem to sustain any injuries during the kidnap. Maybe a few rock scrapes, wet shoes, or spiderwebs in the hair.

Danger: 15/5 Peril: 3/5

Library of Congress

Here, Ben is in IMMEDIATE DANGER…

…of forgetting those goddamn numbers. Every time I watch this movie, I try to remember them, and every time I fail.

Danger comes charging into the Library of Congress in the form of the FBI, who are much hotter on Ben’s trail then he thought they’d be. (Go Agent Sadusky, you funky little conspiracy theorist.)

Again, a lot of danger, not a lot of peril. That is until we get to the car escape.

First of all, there’s a deleted scene where Ben in standing on the glass roof and it’s cracking under his feet. That is peril, and it's my favorite deleted scene because he calls Agent Sadusky “Pete.” Excuse me are you buddies now? Do you play poker together? Tell me everything.

Ben has to climb down from the roof and jump into a moving vehicle. He’s at risk of scrapes from the metal and brick he’s climbing on, and of landing wrong either on the ground or in the car.

Then when Abigail drives toward the rising security barrier, they all probably receive quite a jolt when the back end of the car flies up. Ben likely takes it worst since he’s unbuckled in the wayback rather than belted into one of the seats.

Danger: 4/5 Peril: 4/5

Bad Guys Close In - Holding Dr. Appleton Hostage

What it says on the tin. Emily and Patrick are both at risk of being shot.

Danger: 5/5 Peril: 0/5

Mount Rushmore

And finally, the Mount Rushmore sequence.

Everyone is at risk of being shot until Mitch leaves behind his guns and henchmen.

ACT 3

Then I hate to say “the usual” but…yeah. The Team Treasure special.

Splinters

Rope burns

Abrasions from climbing over rocks

Falling rocks

Dust inhalation

Almost falling to your death from an ancient wooden contraption.

The usual.

There are also a few additional dangers I’d like to call attention to.

→ Falls

The trio and Mitch take a pretty significant tumble down the ramp that leads to the balance platform. Like, head over heel, ass over teakettle tumble, and then they land hard on the stone-and-wood platform.

They immediately have to scramble up to balance it out, so there isn’t much time for anyone to assess if they’re injured. At this point though, I’d guess the scraps and bruises are pretty significant, if not a concussion, sprained ankle or other more serious injury.

→ Cave-ins

There’s also the risk of cave-ins. In National Treasure, the wooden stair system under Trinity Church may be unstable, but the cavern itself does not seem to be in danger of collapse. A few bits of rock and debris fall when the subway train passes, but overall the stability of the tunnels and chambers does not seem to be an immediate concern.

That is less true here in Book of Secrets. Patrick and Emily especially are in danger of a cave-in since they’re crawling through previously-collapsed passages and moving rocks to get there.

That said, their actual injuries are probably more likes scrapes and bruises. Patrick also could have strained his arms, back, or knees moving the heavier rocks (as Emily directs him to do.)

They also probably again land pretty hard from their swing across the chasm. For Patrick that’s two falls in the last few days, and Emily also gets flung backwards while avoiding the trapdoor. Given their age, they have to have some significant bruising, if not fractures, sprains, or more.

They're the members of the party who are most likely to be feeling the repercussion of this adventure weeks down the road.

→ Water, water everywhere

Obviously, the most pressing obstacle in the second movie finale sequence is water.

In the famous words of my friend while watching the Gerard Butler Phantom of the Opera movie in the eighth grade:

“I would chafe.”

This may be the least of their worries, but still, let's put "significant discomfort" on the list. And if you headcanon any of them to have sensory difficulties, they're probably having an extra bad time.

The water poses plenty of health hazards from the immediate—i.e. drowning—to the slightly less immediate, like hypothermia.

We know thanks to the White House Easter Egg Roll that the film is taking place around Easter weekend. In 2007 that was April 8th.

The average weather for April in the Black Hills of South Dakota is a high in the high 40s (48°) and a low in the low 20s (21°). The actual weather in the first weeks of April in 2007 were significantly cooler than average, with “many parts of the state reporting temperatures 20 to 25 degrees below average.”

The gang is dressed for cool weather (or cold weather with lots of physical activity, depending on how far ahead you think they thought to pack and dress.) Most of them are wearing several layers, including a sweater and medium-weight jacket. Riley is wearing a parka. (Open, but still.)

P.S. I adore the idea that Riley is the constantly-cold one in the group.

Whether or not the air is below freezing, that water is cold.

The wet rocks scene was filmed at Sylvan Lake, whose temperature ranges from the low 30s to high 40s in April.

40° is bad news. Even if the lake was at its April maximum of around 50°, the kids are still at serious risk of hypothermia. At water between 32 and 40°, death can occur in in 30-90 minutes. Between 40 to 50°, in 1-3 hours.

They weren’t in the water that long, but hypothermia symptoms can set in much faster than that.

They’d experience cold shock for the first 3-5 minutes after entering the water. Symptoms include panic, hyperventilation, and increased heart rate.

Between 3-30 minutes after entering the water, they’re at risk of swimming failure. A loss of muscle coordination makes it hard to make forward movement in any water, let alone the aggressive current the team is facing.

And after 30 minutes, true hypothermia sets in, where the body temperature drops dangerously low.

I don’t know if Team Treasure was in the water for long enough for that to happen, but they could absolutely face the effects of stages 1 and 2.

Danger: 6/5 Peril: 14/5

Denouement - The President/Page 47

If the gang’s body temperature only dropped to between 90 and 95°, they’d be given blankets, changed into warm clothes, and given warm (not hot) liquids with sugar to help slowly increase their body temperature.

Not sure if you also have weirdly vivid memories of The Day After Tomorrow, but heating a hypothermic person up too quickly, or heating their extremities before their core can cause cardiac arrest.

If their body temperature was below 95°, they may also be give a warm IV.

Since the trio seem basically okay when they’re taken to see the President—Only Abigail has a blanket?? I guess real men don’t need hypothermia treatment?—I have to assume they only needed minor care.

Emily and Patrick are absent in this scene, primarily for story reasons, but we can also infer that they may have needed more treatment. Their age would have put them at higher risk, particularly if either of them have underlying medical conditions like diabetes or are taking certain medications.

Danger: 1/5 Peril: 3/5

→ Other Finale Injuries

• Abigail gets held at knife point. She seems fine, but could have a small scratch on her neck.

• Ben’s leg(s?) get stuck under the stone door. He seems to be walking okay when they’re taken to the President, but idk man. I’d think he’d have some serious bruising, if not a more significant injury.

• And finally, brain freeze! I don’t know what Ben and Abigail are drinking out of soda cups with straws in South Dakota at night in April after almost freezing to death, but they should definitely stop and switch to hot beverages!

Conclusion

Well, there you have it. Injuries in National Treasure: Book of Secrets.

I still can’t say I love the movie, but I’m always here for some hypothermia hurt/comfort so…

What did I miss? What other injuries does Team Treasure have to look forward to?

[the-rewatch-rewind]

Another new episode!

Script below the break

Hello and welcome back to The Rewatch Rewind. My name is Jane, and this is the podcast where I count down my top 40 most frequently rewatched movies in a 20-year period. Today I will be talking about number 16 on my list: Castle Rock Entertainment and Warner Bros’ 2003 mockumentary A Mighty Wind, directed by Christopher Guest, written by Christopher Guest and Eugene Levy, and starring Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Michael McKean, Harry Shearer, Catherine O’Hara, and a bunch of other fabulous comedians.

After the death of a folk music producer, his children organize a televised memorial concert featuring three of his most famous groups: The New Main Street Singers, the Folksmen, and Mitch and Mickey. The film documents their reunions, rehearsals, and the show, and then catches up with the performers six months later.

My parents saw this movie in theaters, and I remember hearing that my mom really liked it and my dad did not. We got it on VHS soon after it came out, but it took several years for us to actually watch it. I wasn’t familiar with Christopher Guest’s other similar work, and I thought this was going to be a boring biopic about a band I’d never heard of. I can’t remember what finally convinced me to give it a chance, but once I did, I thought it was hilarious and was immediately hooked. I watched it five times in 2007, twice in 2008, twice in 2011, three times in 2012, once in 2013, once in 2014, once in 2017, twice in 2018, twice in 2020, once in 2021, and twice in 2022.  

At some point we got it on DVD as well, and I watched it with commentary by Chris Guest and Eugene Levy, which is how I learned that most of the dialogue is improvised. Guest and Levy came up with the story and characters, and they gave all the actors their backstories and then just let them say whatever they wanted to the camera. And that method works SO. WELL. It has that “authentic but also aware that I’m talking to a camera” feel of a real documentary, while also being just incredibly funny. One of my favorite parts is when the Folksmen, played by Chris Guest, Harry Shearer, and Michael McKean, are talking about how one of their albums was released on an inferior label, and they mention things like how the cover was printed in fewer colors and so forth, and then Guest just casually says, “And they had no hole in the center of the record,” and the other two just add to it, like, “Oh yeah, it would teeter crazily on the spindle” “But they were good records” as if this is a completely normal conversation and not one of the most ridiculously silly things anyone could possibly say. I’m so sad that the DVD didn’t come with bloopers because I would love to see all the fun improvs that didn’t make it into the final cut, and to find out how often they cracked each other up. Although the fact that they could have an earnest conversation about a record that was a good product once you punched a hole in it yourself demonstrates that these actors don’t break easily.

The cast is so packed with brilliant comedic talent that the movie would be worth watching for the laughs alone, but there’s more to it than that. Since this is a mockumentary, it would be reasonable to expect the punchline to be that all the music groups are terrible, but they’re not. The singing is excellent, and most of the songs are actually very catchy and fun to listen to. I’m a huge fan of the soundtrack. The songs were mainly written by various cast members, and as far as I can tell everybody did their own singing. Mitch & Mickey’s hit, A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow, written by Michael McKean and his wife Annette O’Toole and performed by Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara, was even nominated for an Oscar. For people making a movie mocking folk music, they sure put a lot of effort into creating fabulous folk music. In a way, A Mighty Wind is kind of similar to Enchanted, in that it’s making fun of something while also celebrating it. And that’s one of my favorite things about it. This movie demonstrates that it’s possible, and even wonderful, to love something both genuinely and ironically at the same time, which is how I feel about several of the movies I’ve talked about on this podcast. A Mighty Wind offers no apology for enjoying folk music, even while expressing that most of it is objectively not good. I read a review that saw this as a flaw, claiming this film lacked the bite of Guest’s other mockumentaries, but I think that’s a big part of why this is my favorite. I enjoy his other films, but they feel a bit more mean-spirited. The writers clearly loved the Mighty Wind characters, even the more obnoxious ones, and therefore made them more likable to the audience than, for example, most of the Best in Show characters. Not that characters always have to be likable, but I find likable characters more fun to revisit.

I also feel like A Mighty Wind has a slightly less raunchy sense of humor than the others. There definitely are sex jokes, but mostly innuendo and double entendres that you can ignore if you’re not into that. For example, Jane Lynch and John Michael Higgins play a married couple whose last name is spelled B-O-H-N-E-R, and you can probably guess how it’s pronounced, and she makes a couple quick references to how she used to be a porn star, so it would be easy to just make sex jokes the main focus of their characters. However, they also started a coven called WINC – witches in nature’s colors – in which they believe, and I quote: “Humankind is simply materialized color operating on the 49th vibration. You would make that conclusion walking down the street or going to the store.” And that, to me, is much funnier. Not that I don’t laugh at a good sex joke, I just feel like I get tired of them faster than most people seem to, so I appreciate that this movie has a good balance of many different types of comedy.

I also appreciate that it’s not very heavily focused on romance; this is a movie about putting on a concert, not people falling in love. There is one main storyline that does involve romance, but in an intriguing and atypical way. Mitch and Mickey were once a couple who apparently had a very messy breakup, and are now reuniting for the first time in decades to perform A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow, which in the past always involved them actually kissing. We see them rehearsing it once, and they just pause and look at each other awkwardly at the kiss part. Then at the concert, Mitch disappears a few minutes before they’re supposed to go on, and Mickey is furious until he returns with a rose for her. And of course then they kiss on stage during their song. In the six months later epilogue section, they each claim that the other took the kiss too seriously, which I feel like could be interpreted in multiple different ways, and I’m honestly not sure if we’re supposed to conclude that they still have feelings for each other or not. But it’s clear that they both felt pressured to kiss because the audience was expecting it, and that’s the part that fascinates me. Because fans do often tend to become overly invested in the love lives of the celebrities they’re following, and I like the way this movie portrays that from the perspective of those celebrities. Of course, in this case, the audience probably just wants them to kiss because they always did and not necessarily because they want them to get back together, but I feel like those two attitudes are still related. The movie doesn’t tell us who decided to make the kiss part of the song in the first place, but knowing how often producers like to exploit relationships between artists to make money, I doubt it was Mitch and Mickey’s idea. But everybody loved it, apparently. A folk music historian who is interviewed claims that the kiss was a great moment not only in the history of folk music, but in the history of humans. When the Folksmen recognize the song at the concert, they make a bet about whether the kiss is going to happen – also, unrelated, but I love that Michael McKean’s character says, “This is that really pretty one” about a song that he wrote in real life. And then later, Mickey says that her sister berated her for leading Mitch on, even though that’s not what she was trying to do at all. There seems to be a weirdly contradictory perception of the kiss – people think it’s both trivial and significant at the same time. It’s just a fun little performative part of the song, and yet it’s seen as indicative of the state of their relationship, even by people who know it’s not. And it feels particularly appropriate that Mitch and Mickey are played by Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara, who have played opposite each other so many times that people kind of expect them to be together. I don’t know if anyone actually thinks they’re together in real life, but I imagine they can relate at least a little bit to having a bunch of people they don’t know expecting them to show romantic interest in each other. And I feel like this is a great example of how amatonormativity can harm everybody, regardless of whether they’re aromantic or not. Because everyone is expected to want and need a committed romantic partner, some people become overly invested in the slightest romantic gesture, so that even a kiss between two performers on stage is interpreted as a declaration of their undying love for each other. And I appreciate that they managed to stick that message into this very silly comedy, even as I’m aware that I’m probably reading way more into it than anyone intended.

The main reason I keep rewatching this movie is because most of the jokes are still funny even after you’ve heard them over and over. However, there are a few that feel a little offensive now. For example, Jennifer Coolidge is hilarious as a very clueless character, who talks about having one brain that she shares with Larry Miller, thinks that model trains are where they got the idea for the big trains, and doesn’t know how to hum. But it kind of seems like she’s putting on an accent that might be intended to make fun of a specific group of people. Although I can’t tell what accent she’s trying to do, so maybe she was just talking silly and it’s actually not offensive, I’m not sure. And then there’s the part at the very end, when Harry Shearer’s character comes out as a trans woman, and like…they kind of try to portray it semi-respectfully, but it still feels like the joke is meant to be: look, it’s a man with a deep voice wearing a dress, isn’t that so funny? And I don’t like that. Also there’s very little diversity: I think there’s only one black character, who only has one line, and everybody else is white, and most of the important characters are men. But compared to most comedies from the early 2000s, overall A Mighty Wind holds up surprisingly well. It’s another example of an “everybody was having way too much fun” movie that I love despite its flaws.

I got to see The Folksmen in concert in 2009, when Guest, McKean, and Shearer did their “Unwigged and Unplugged” tour. They also performed songs from This is Spinal Tap, which I think is probably what most people were there for, and it was fun to see them switch between playing rockstars and folk singers. Everybody in this movie is so incredibly talented, and I love that they’ve made a bunch of similar but different projects together to demonstrate their range. I don’t know why Mighty Wind gets talked about so much less than Spinal Tap and Best in Show because if you enjoy those two, I’m pretty sure you’ll also enjoy this one. And if you, like past me, have been avoiding this movie because folk music sounds like it would be boring, I can assure you that it is not.

Before I wrap up this episode, since this is a podcast about movies, I just want to take a moment to talk about the current WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. The billionaire CEOs of production companies are trying to convince the public that writers and actors are unreasonable for wanting to get paid for their work, in order to distract us from the fact that the very existence of billionaires in a world where any people – let alone people working for them – are struggling to make ends meet is preposterously unreasonable. I know it will be hard to wait for TV shows to come back and new movies to come out, but there are so many things for us to watch in the meantime. As audience members, we should absolutely be rooting for the actors and writers here. Think of how much better their art will be if they’re paid enough that they don’t have to work a bunch of side jobs to survive! So if you know of any writers or actors who have Patreons or anything like that and you have a little money to spare, now would be an excellent time to start supporting them. I’m also putting a link to the Entertainment Community Fund in the show notes [and here], if you want to support the cause more generally. This podcast wouldn’t exist without screen writers or actors, and I strongly feel that all of them deserve to be fairly compensated for their art. Remember that this strike isn’t about the movie stars making $15 million per movie; this is about the 87% of SAG-AFTRA members who don’t make the $26,000 required to qualify for health insurance each year. And I would like to wish any of my listeners who happen to be in the WGA and/or SAG-AFTRA the best of luck during what I hope is a crucial turning point in the industry.

Whether you’re in the entertainment field or not, thank you for listening to this podcast! Next week, I will be returning to Old Hollywood to talk about another film I watched 22 times that is only one minute longer than A Mighty Wind. As always, I will leave you with a quote from that next movie: “I just said I’d write it, I didn’t say I wouldn’t tear it up! It’s all in little pieces now, and I hope to do the same for you some day!”

[virdemption]

How I headcanon interactions between gameria coworkers happen! (+ who does what role)

Oh yeah, btw this skips all gamerias with real ppl as chefs jsyk

Roy & Joy - Their relationship was kind of strained after PL1 due to Joy being too busy to help him with the Pizzeria but they eventually became the besties they used to be yet again. Joy does the cooking, Roy delivers.

Marty & Rita - They didn't often talk with one another but were relatively good-ish. After PL2 they grew as besties and talk a lot more. They swap between cooking and serving often.

Mitch & Maggie - Exes on awful terms, they don't hate each other and hold no ill will but the cascade leading to their breakup was really emotionally damaging. They can exist in the same room with one another just fine, but they refuse to talk to each other. Mitch cooks, Maggie serves.

Alberto & Penny - They're so fluffy with one another and it's so much sweeter than the sundaes at the Freezeria that it could probably make you sick! They also swap restaurant roles on occasion but not as often. (Penny usually is behind the counter)

Cooper & Prudence - They text more often than they actually interact in the Pancakeria because otherwise they'd be rambling too much to work. But they're besties with a love for their animals :] They're usually both cooking but Prudence handles delivery when needed.

Taylor & Peggy - They work at separate locations (HC two different Hot Doggerias) they have never actually spoken. Whoops :P but they are both cheffing doing chef shit.

James & Willow - James very rarely actually shows up and doesn't even really do too much other than being bored. Willow does just about everything but business is slow enough for her to not care enough.

Rudy & Scarlett - Rowdy as hell and it kind of made locals uncomfy because they were very outward about their adoration of one another. And by were I mean cause they no longer work at the Cheeseria! When they got their instruments back they just quit but the restaurant still exists since replacements were found.

Timm & Cecilia - I don't actually have much to say here cause promotional stuff has said it all for me.

Carlo & Koilee - OH BOY these bitches fucking hate each other! Kismesis goals but they hadn't enough respect for one another to say that. Kinda sad how people really liked watching them argue and Koilee did feel really bad about unknowingly making Carlo way more stressed than he already was (and never seeing him again so it's not like she could apologize or anything). Doesn't make her hate him any less, though. Koilee is the chef but before Carlo quit she was the server.

Allan & Akari - Moiraillegiance of all time. They were already really good friends long before the Mocharia and became even better friends while they were there. Allan quit due to heavy stress regarding this and his hockey career alongside like. BEING IN A FILM. but a replacement chef was found who works alongside Akari (who's obv delivery).

Wylan & Olivia - VERY chaotic best friends and how they pulled off whatever the fuck they did in Cluckeria remains a mystery as well as who does what. They dink off way more than they actually work help-

[5hitp0stn4tion]

y'all, i'm loving the amount of older queer rep i've been getting the past few months.

like don't get me wrong, i love captain holt and raymond (b99) and cam and mitch (modern family) as much as the next person but it always seems like queer representation over the age of 30 is just lacking from film and entertainment.

(^look at my b99 boys being so domestic I LOVE IT GIVE ME MORE)

and not to mention the wonderful number of older queer characters that have graced the screen over the past few years: annelise keating (how to get away with murder), chiron (moonlight), ma rainey (ma rainey's black bottom). but they all seem to be lacking long-standing stable relationships and comfort in their sexuality, and societal welcome, respectively - just my opinion.

but the fact that i've gotten 3 beautiful queer older couples has got me grinning every single week. i love my life.

first is obviously mr 'kentucky-fried foghorn leghorn drawl' and his wonderful house husband who bakes. yes, i'm talking about benoit blanc and his partner, phillip.

the domesticity of playing among us in the bath tub while your husband/partner bakes for you - probably banana bread or sourdough, if we're being period accurate - is what i aspire to have in the future. i love it. also the fact that they aren't over the top, they're just living their lives together how they want to is amazing. i need a prequel film where they meet and fall in love and phillip makes fun of blanc's stupid accent. thank yew.

(also idc if you disagree but blanc is the bottom in the relationship. i said what i said.)

the second is ed and stede from our flag means death. now, i know that ofmd aired like a year ago on hbo max, but i only started watching it recently since it just started airing on bbc 2.

i haven't finished the show yet but the budding relationship between ed (blackbeard) and stede is absolutely adorable and i love taika waititi and rhys darby which only makes the show better.

(i'll have a more articulate answer when i have finished watching the show, i promise.)

last but not least, is the absolute FUCKERY that is bill and frank from the last of us.

WHAT THE HELL CRAIG MAZIN? DID YOU INTEND TO BREAK THE HEARTS OF 6.4M PPL, BECAUSE IF YOU DID, YOU SUCCEEDED.

the fact that in the middle of a pretty dark tv show about the apocalypse, death, and dictatorship, we got the most beautiful short film about gay love makes me so happy. bill and frank survived the aids epidemic as two young gay men in america in the 80s, only to be struck by a fungal pandemic, only to meet each other because frank fell into bill's trap, and yet they still lived a happy life together, growing old together.

the fact that craig mazin let them live their lives in their little town, full of love and fulfillment, despite the apocalypse that's raging outside their window, is beautiful. they had the opportunity to fall in love and have a healthy relationship, free of all the homophobia and anti-gay policies that were still around in the early 2000s.

craig mazin you have broken me, i love it.

if you want to read a pretty decent article about the lack of queer rep in film and media, here

thanks for reading, if you made it this far :) comment anything i should watch

[devoted-to-colin-farrell]

Colin talks about working with Ray Winstone in London Boulevard. Colin plays an ex-con who gets dragged back into the gangster world.

My review - The film is written and directed by William Monahan, who also wrote The Departed which is one of my favourite movies. Colin Farrell is Mitch, a south London hardman just out of Pentonville prison, who intents to go straight. The violent world of crime is never too far away between his half wit friend Billy, and the head gangster Gant (Ray Winstone) who wants him to work for him. He gets offered a job as a minder to a leading actress Charlotte (Keira Knightley) to protect her from the paparazzi. Mitch cared about his sister and his love interest. He really didn’t want to get involved in criminal activities. It definitely wasn’t a patch on The Departed, but Colin, Keira and Ray were all great, including Anna Friel who played Mitch’s sister. It wasn’t overly violent, as in brutal to watch. The plot was a little predictable but I truly didn’t expect the ending.

Colin Farrell had already worked with co-stars Ben Chaplin and David Thewlis in The New World (2005). He would go onto work with Stephen Graham again in The North Water (2021).

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 9 - Wrap Up

ELECTION EDITION

Yes, I know. Politics and football don't mix. And yes, I wish the Presidential election's in this country were as fun and entertaining as the Reese Witherspoon/Matthew Broaderick film "Election", but they are not. Nevertheless, this is a big week for our country. No matter who you vote for or what your belief's are - it's good to remember we are all American's who love football. Let's go!

WHAM BAM THANK YOU LAMB vs BOOMER SOONER

All i can do is laugh. Laugh at Stu Jones! Laugh at Zay Flowers for having a big day for me. Laugh and cackle and laugh some more at my win! I needed a win and I got one! #stopthesteal

FUNK GUY vs TREE HUGGERS

This one was the "too close to call" game. It spurred a flurry of chatter on the text thread and apparently really upset the Funk Guy...as he lost maybe because of a field goal? I must be honest and tell you that I didn't watch this one very close but from looking at the line ups if I were going to blame anyone I would say Cole Kmet who put up 0 points for Dana. Scott as usual found a great defense to play and took home the win. Sorry Dana. Maybe focus on your Strategery moving forward.

TuPADRE vs TRADE WITH ME

Look at Brett. Pushing Gully out the way. Gully showed up this week and put up 114 points but Brett is like...doesn't matter I will put up 126 and take the win. It looks to me like he has Smith-Njigba to thank for the big win. Gully has now lost 2 in a row and might be on a downward trend. Nice win Brett!

LONG LEFT BALLERS vs LANAKILA

C'mon man! What the hell is going on with Bebo. This can't be possible. No one is this bad. Not trying to take anything away from Cliff. He will probably take high point after tonight so congrats on that but 1-8. It's just sad. Sad like an old man who should have retired decades ago still trying to do the job like he's young and ambitious. You know what i am talking about? Not a joke! Ah, anyway -you know the thing.

HOWARD vs MR AWESOME

Yeah...Rob Howard is probably the Frank Underwood of this league. He runs the show. Finds a way to win. And will shoot at his neighbors to get what he wants, as seen in the draft order video. This week he was up against Gabe Scott...and although he didn't grab the high point again this week - he did grab the win...easily. Just like Frank would. Nice win Rob.

MOOSES ON THE LOOSES vs THE HUNT FOR BROCKTOBER

And here we come to the "what the hell is going to happen game of the week". Mitch goes into MNF with 85.10 points facing Kyle with 81.42. Kyle with Kareem Hunt still to play and Mitch with the gift I gave him earlier this season - Baker Mayfield. Hunt did have an amazing game - with 106 rushing yards...and a game winning TD...but Kyle comes up a bit short (3 points). So with 107 electoral points, The Moose becomes the Winner elect.

CHEERLEADER OF THE WEEK

Yes, I thought about making it Nancy Pelosi (so many pictures that would have worked for that joke) but we all know who the hottest girl in the House of Representative is....AOC. Undisputed.