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egg-emperor · 2 years ago

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I wish I could say the same about Frontiers!Eggman, but... I'm sorry, I still don't like it. The Villain's Precious Child trope is one that I largely roll my eyes at regardless of how it's done, which naturally applies double to a villain that it doesn't even work for IMO, and no matter how the Sage stuff is portrayed, the fandom's already made its mind up on his character, and we know I rarely trust what Flynn claims. Top that off with him still being upstaged by a purple testicle, and... yeah.

That's fine. Coming from someone who's now been on both sides of hating and loving it, and contrary to the beliefs of those that made me their enemy when I was bitter on it too, I have a lot more respect, understanding, and acceptance for those with different opinions to me than they do. :P In fact, I'm even more mellowed out and chill about it than ever because I want to make sure I'm never like those that turned so hostile on me, though I was never close to that in the first place.

I personally think it can work for Eggman but not in the way a big majority of fandom has taken the dynamic from Frontiers and sanitized and simplified it for wholesomeness factor, it's complicated, shallow, and toxic instead. So I still can't engage in fandom the same I could before as fanon is far from it, plus people still see my analysis and writings as criminal for presenting the dynamic as unhealthy, despite how it's canon accurate based on both official word and actual in game content.

I think the "Eggman genuinely accepting creations as being like his kids" thing is fine in itself as he is close to being their father just by being their creator. I've never had a huge problem with him calling himself Metal's father in comics as it was presented as casual and not as deeper, selfless, sincere care. Looking back at Frontiers made me realize it's quite similar with Sage, he accepts the dynamic based on the fact of being her maker and for selfish benefits he states multiple times.

I think it works as being in casual joking manner from Eggman, as a way to butter up his creations and keep them loyal (I can't imagine him referring to them affectionately/praising or showing them affection outside of this), and as his reasonings behind it actually being really shallow, self-centered, and conditional and ultimately only for what he gets out of it with his own pride as creator and benefit in being served by them. I just think all of that is pretty interesting to explore.

The mass majority of fandom definitely isn't going to change its mind on the Eggman portrayal and the dynamic until canon shows them what it really intended much more clearly than Frontiers though, so it doesn't allow for the chance for people to mistake it and put down those who see it for what it is and was even described as by Ian Flynn himself (which I'm half surprised they didn't listen to him but also half not because they always reject canon official stuff in the games they dislike that disprove their theories too)

I can actually see what Flynn means with his explanation of the dynamic and Eggman's "unsettling" side of it and the assertion that he's a "BAD person" warming up to the idea "for all of the wrong reasons", as he emphasized in his Bumblekast answer though. It's definitely actually there in the game. But I still think it's a problem that it's only so clear through certain memos, as it being in a few lines of optional audio over it being shown in actual scenes wasn't the best place to put it with how the dynamic is being misinterpreted for wholesomeness.

And of course I'm still not ever going to be a fan of him being upstaged by the sexy purple testicle when I obviously think him actually getting to control and use the newest powerful evil thing will always be way cooler but my biggest problem this time was the fear he was OOC and I'm just happy it's not the case upon closer evaluation. Of course he deserves way more respect and spotlight too but I'm happy for the bare minimum of his character still being the same in these dark desperate times ngl lol

#dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #sonic frontiers #my post #asks

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ask-lock-shock-and-barrel · 3 years ago

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How does your reboot au differ from the movie, character and storytelling wise?

((So the fun thing about the movie is that it leaves us with so much open ended possibilities with what these characters' pasts and futures are like that honestly anything goes. The only things the movie really establishes as ~unchangable~ are that Jack is growing tired of Halloween, Sally is a creation of Finkelstein who likes Jack, Jack and Oogie don't like each other, and that the Trio work for Oogie up until he Dies In Minecraft.

There's not any set timeframe of how long these circumstances have been. And like I've said before, I do not consider the games canon.

So this 'reboot' still has those circumstances, but it takes place a good couple of years after the movie events. That allows character dynamics to shift and for other events to have happened inbetween the end of the movie and now. And since games are not canon, I can do what I want with past events and dynamics too.

For characters, Jack is more of the same, a charismatic leader who wants what is best for the town, but he is prone to messing up when he is too focused on his aspirations. And there is an aspect of misinterpreting the actions of others when it comes to his character too. Like in the movie where Sally attempts to warn Jack of her visions or he misinterprets the humans' fear of him as joy. This is a flaw of his that I implemented in my own storytelling, such as him not realizing Shock was wanting his help to stop Oogie, which resulted in bigger repurcussions than anything else.

Sally I personally see as someone who acts as the voice of reason like in the movie, but deep down she can be just as unhinged and impulsive as Jack or other townsfolk. The difference between her and them though is she has more than one working braincell and she's a lot craftier. Idk, I think Sally has the right to go nuts sometimes, and smash a chair over someone's head.

Lock, Shock, and Barrel, my three terrible children, get the biggest glowup because they deserve it. I always thought the games sort of mis-used them and didn't put any real consideration into developing them beyond repeating their role in the movie. And sure that can be fun, but I think in a reboot/continuation it would feel repetetive. The childlike villainy they have in the movie is cheeky and endearing, but for it to repeat itself without substance or development like in the games would result in them being in a flat 'evil sidekick' role that could easily make them come across as shrill and unlikable if done too long. And they're fun chaotic characters who deserve to be explored and allow that fun chaos to grow along with them. They're allowed to be nasty sometimes, and cause mayhem, but they're also allowed to be kids, who have feelings and worries and joys. Like if Little My from Moomin lived in Halloween Town? I think she'd be besties with them.

I more or less expanded on their few different traits from the movie so they could act as individual characters AND a trio of friends at the same time. In the movie, Lock is the self proclaimed leader and likes to be in charge but he's not the brightest. I expand on that by allowing him to be an absolute ball of chaos and energy and always big on ideas for nonsensical things, and the epitome of Gen Z shenanigans. To quote the inner 11 year old in my head: Lock is Cringe, like most kids. He's an airhead most of the time but convinced he's the smartest guy in the room, and he's quite the little ham. He's also got some big issues with loneliness as a result of being abandoned by his family and often acts out for attention, not genuine malice. Shock is the most cunning in the movie and a big know it all, and most lore seems to establish her as the oldest, so my incarnation develops those traits in her too. She's genuinely very smart, and whilst she is a bossy know it all, deep down, it comes out of love for her friends and she's their big sister. She's also dealing with serious growing pains as she's starting to process some of the terrible things she was exposed to years before, and realizing how much fear and terror had forced her into keeping her loyalties with Oogie for so long and keeping the other two in line with her. Barrel was always my favorite as a kid because they're so quiet but always seemed happier and more carefree than the other two. I thought that was the perfect grounds to make an emotionally intelligent, nonconformist, free-spirit of a child who could act like the Bugs Bunny to the combined Lock and Shock's Daffy Duck. Nobody expects the quiet weird kid to be a prodigy of sorts, but Barrel is a pint sized well of untapped potential and is much sweeter and empathetic than the other two. I also portray them as nonbinary because nonbinary can be anything!

In a reboot/continuation, these kids are a couple years older than they were in the movie, so their brains are bigger, and they've had a couple years to move on from the Oogie Boogie days. They're still all about causing mayhem, and are at various levels of coping from 'doing great' to 'sweet murgatroyd get this kid a therapist', but they're slowly and unconsciously allowing themselves to integrate into town society, and it's the care and guidance of Jack, Sally, and others who really help out with that.

As for other characters, like the Mayor or Dr. Finkelstein, their characters are more or less the same, but they have more room to live their lives and develop outside of a 70 minute movie. ))

#tnbc #the nightmare before christmas #answered qs #blog lore #queue

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renegadewangs · 4 years ago

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Van Zieks - the Examination, Part 1

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I'm outlining stems from my own views and experiences. I am a 30-something European woman, and therefore may not view the matter from certain angles. That said, I'm always open to more input from others. If you believe that I've missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. If we can make this a team effort, I would love that.

The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. I am of the firm belief that characters are no more than a tool created to serve a narrative purpose, therefore the question I'm posing is whether or not Barok van Zieks serves this purpose. That's all I'm doing here.

I'm using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what's said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent.

It doesn't matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. He's not real anyway, so he can't suffer from it. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people. If you know you're morally in the right, there should be no need for insults to begin with. Let's keep this conversation civil and constructive! As the first post in a series, let’s first start by examining the expectations we would have for a character like this. The purpose he was meant to serve.

1: Expectations

As I said in a different Barok-related essay, the main prosecutor of any Ace Attorney game has been, and always will be, an antagonistic force. Not a villain, not even necessarily someone who exhibits immoral traits. (Hi Klavier!) Just someone who impedes the protag’s goal of getting a not-guilty verdict. In order to have an effective antagonist, they need to mirror the protag's weaknesses back at them. Ace Attorney does this quite well, as the prosecutors represent the obstacle/turmoil that the defense needs to overcome. Often times, the prosecutor is also tied to a pivotal moment in the attorney's past, making sure the strife is quite personal.

Considering the game's plot and settings, it would've been difficult for Barok to be tied to Ryunosuke's past. (He is tied to Asogi's past, funnily enough, but that's a matter I also addressed in that other Barok essay.) So instead, Barok represents Ryunosuke's struggle in more of a figurehead capacity. I've seen people dub him the 'CEO of Racism', and I'm not gonna lie, in a way that's correct. Barok was designed to be the mouthpiece of the harmful sentiments Japanese exchange students would have encountered in the 1900s. By extension, since Ryunosuke is an exchange student unfamiliar with the British courts (or even courts in general), the prosecutor would target the fact that Ryunosuke 'does not understand how things are done here'. Which he does- a lot. This makes it all the more satisfying when Ryunosuke proves him wrong by outsmarting him and using Britain's own laws (such as the closing argument) against him. So yes, you may hate Barok for uttering racist sentiments and dismissing Ryunosuke's abilities, but the ultimate goal here is that Barok's defeat is made sweeter as a result. The narrative end-game is Ryunosuke's triumph and validation in the courtroom.

Was there a different personal struggle Barok could have represented? Yes, but also no. Sure, his vendetta could have been strictly with the Asogi family and Ryunosuke could have admitted to carrying Asogi's resolve, not knowing what it meant. Though that would’ve implied very early that Asogi had a history of sorts in Britain and would’ve destroyed some of the surprise we experience in game 2. Alternatively, there was also the 'parallel' antagonist angle. The sort of villain who says the line “we're not so different, you and I.” The antagonist who shows what happens when someone with the same skills or motivations follows the wrong path, which emphasizes the right path for the protagonist. However, I can't see that working in the plot of this game.

A purposeful decision was made by the writers to have prejudice be a central theme of the plot. This is the matter that hits the hardest in an emotional sense. Therefore, having Barok be the centerpiece of this prejudice ensures he leaves the biggest narrative impact.

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However, another long-running aspect of the AA prosecutor is the redemption arc, so let's turn our attention to that!

I'm not going to put too much effort into explaining this, I just want to talk about the requirements of a redemption arc. We all know these types of arcs, a lot of Ace Attorney prosecutors have them. We see them in fiction all over. Noteworthy examples of redemption arcs done well include Zuko from The Last Airbender, Michael from The Good Place... For argument's sake, let's toss Edgeworth in there too. I'm not saying Edgeworth's arc is done well, but at the very least it is accepted by most as something that served its intended purpose. I've never seen anyone question Edgeworth's transformation.

See, what we have here is a bit of a misnomer when it comes to what people expect to get out of these types of arcs. Redemption in itself is only 'deliverance from sin' or 'being saved from evil'. It's the thought that a horrible person can still see the error of their ways before it's 'too late'. However, when it comes to absorbing media, often a character gaining knowledge that they were in the wrong isn't enough to satisfy the audience. Would Edgeworth have had a satisfying redemption arc if he'd acknowledged his arrogance and dirty tactics, only to retire as a prosecutor? No way. We needed him to return in the following games to give us an update on his status. Standing in court as a defense attorney, at the risk of damaging his reputation, was the moment we knew he'd grown for the better.

What we require for the arc to come to a good conclusion is atonement. The character in question must not only apologize for their actions, but repent in a more active manner to show that they've changed their ways. Following that, the atonement must be acknowledged by others. So for example, Zuko joins the ATLA gang to help them in any way that he can until even the most skeptical of the group, Katara, acknowledges his transformation into a better person. Now add to this the notion that the character's atonement must be virtuous and sincere. The Good Place is a fascinating look into the debate of 'is it ever too late for a person to change?' and the moral complications of changing in the first place. If you're only doing good things because you want to be saved from damnation, are you being a good person or are you being selfish? There's such a thing as corrupt motivation; only doing good because it is expected. For example, does sponsoring a library make Magnus McGilded a good person? It does not, since he's only doing it to boost his own reputation and have people believe he's selfless.

As a final note, I want to ask: Does a redemption arc require a backstory to justify the character's immoral ways? Personally, I don't think that it does. It's good to have, since it allows an audience to empathize with the character and give them more of a reason to root for them. It turns the redemption arc into a tale about overcoming past trauma. However, it can backfire when done badly and lead to frustration. (I'm looking at you, live action Disney movies!) Some characters are evil just for the sake of being evil and even then, they can turn over a new leaf because they realize it is just so much more rewarding to be good. Just look at Michael from The Good Place.

What's more effective than a backstory, in my opinion, is smaller details to humanize a character. Humanization can also lead to empathy, perhaps even relatability, and helps us believe that they're capable of change. We need to be told that a character has their own fears, their own flaws, their own odd little habits which deviate from the norm... Again, I'll point to Michael from The Good Place for this. Another humanization tactic, which we see employed often in Ace Attorney, is to display a prosecutor's likes and hobbies outside the courtroom. Edgeworth's fanboying over the Steel Samurai, Blackquill's love for birds, Nahyuta's willingness to stand in line for hours to get his hands on a delicious burger... I've feel ya, Nahyuta. This tactic is more readily employed in Ace Attorney because it's difficult to place a prosecutor in a position of weakness before the final showdown. You can show them tending to hobbies during Investigation segments, but you can't show them waking up from a nightmare or wondering whether their father loves them. Well, not until case 5 of that game, anyway. By then, it's too late to serve as the sole humanization factor. Did Van Zieks need to be redeemed at all? The way I see it, the only correct answer is yes. What do we want to see in our world? Do we want people who hold racist prejudice to acknowledge their faults and become better, or do we want them to die clinging to their shitty moral compass? Do we want a world where everyone learns to get along, or do we want a world where people continue to be in the wrong and act like assholes until they inevitably get punished by law for something or another? Van Zieks needed to be redeemed in order to teach that valuable lesson that it’s never too late to be a good person and that it pays to be a good person.

So to summarize, what we needed from Barok van Zieks was the following:

1) Present an antagonistic (possibly immoral) force who personifies Ryunosuke's biggest personal obstacle/weakness, in this case racial prejudice. 2) Humanizing traits begin to show. OPTIONAL: A backstory to justify any immorality he has. 3) Over time, Barok has his realization and sees the error of his ways. 4) Barok atones for his immorality, not simply through apology but by taking decisive steps. 5) The cast around him acknowledges his efforts and forgives him.

This leaves us with the question: Does the game deliver on these points? Well, let's boot it up and find out! Stay tuned for The Adventure of the Runaway Room! (as a warning, it’s gonna be LONG)

#dgs #dgs spoilers #tgaa #tgaa spoilers #barok van zieks #oh god here we go #i actually already finished Runaway Room but I need to let it sink in #it was a doozy

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gffa · 5 years ago

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I KNOW THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF CONTENTION OVER THIS SCENE, but within the episode itself, so far I’ve actually genuinely liked it a lot, and so much of that comes down to who Rafa Martez is and unreliable narrators in the Star Wars universe. Rafa is a character that I actually like very much, she’s incredibly fun to watch and there’s a heart somewhere in there, but this scene also doesn’t come without context. She’s a hurt young woman who is not a good influence on her sister, even within this single arc she’s been shown over and over again that she thinks she can handle dealing with the Pykes, she drags Trace into trouble and justifies it, she has to admit by the end that she was wrong. Does this mean her hurt at the lack of what she felt from Luminara wasn’t genuine? Of course not! For all that “The Force will be with you.” is incredibly meaningful to Jedi and even within the context of the movies, that blessing is incredibly meaningful.

"The Force will be with you” is important enough that it’s one of the biggest bookends for Luke’s entire journey with the Force, as a Jedi. It’s one of the last things Obi-Wan says to Luke on the Death Star before he dies. It’s one of the last things the Jedi say to Rey on Exegol to help her rise up to defeat Palpatine again. This isn’t an empty platitude to the Jedi, nor within the context of Star Wars as a whole, it’s incredibly touching! The idea that Luminara saying them to Rafa is empty and cold, on a meta level, is to then also say that Obi-Wan’s words to Luke and Luke’s words to Rey, are empty and cold and meaningless. That Obi-Wan’s Force Ghost wasn’t still there encouraging Luke, that Luke’s Force Ghost wasn’t still there encouraging Rey, and we see those are a huge part of the grandness of Star Wars. THESE WORDS HAVE MEANING TO US AND TO THE JEDI. But that doesn’t mean that Rafa has to take comfort in them, especially as a Force-sensitive, that there is absolutely room for both of these points of view within Star Wars and one does not negate the other. Rafa doesn’t feel the Force in the same way that Luminara does, even though it’s a demonstrable, provable thing that the Force exists, even though Luminara is giving her something that has meaning to her and to us, Rafa herself can’t do much with it, she can’t find comfort in it. This doesn’t make either one of them bad or wrong! Luminara’s not great at comforting non-Force-sensitives (nobody is obligated to be good at comforting, this is not some terrible sin), but also the specific use of Luminara does not come without context on how people misjudge her and misinterpret her.

Even Anakin Skywalker, a fellow Jedi misjudges her and what she’s actually saying! She’s not saying to abandon Barriss--we see her helping, we see the concern on her face, we see her joy at seeing Barriss alive again, we see her praising Anakin’s faith in Ahsoka, even as she maintains that being willing to accept the possibility that they can’t be saved is something Jedi must prepare themselves for. And why’s that important? Oh, right, because THAT HAPPENED IN THE ARC JUST PREVIOUS TO THIS ONE, TOO.

That is the arc we just watched, where Anakin Skywalker, the character who misjudged Luminara’s heart being prepared to mourn Barriss but let go of her, to celebrate her life, to accept what’s happened to her, is now telling the same exact thing to Rex about Echo. Yes, it’s a moment of irony, considering that we’re this close to Revenge of the Sith and the episodes don’t come without context that Anakin’s basically going to be like “ha ha yeah I’m not absorbing any of my own advice” once he fears Padme’s life is in danger, but it’s still part of the bigger context. --> Luminara’s point isn’t to give up, but that they must accept the possibility that they’ll lose their Padawans --> Anakin’s advice to Rex isn’t that they give up, but that they must accept the possibility that Echo is already gone --> This arc doesn’t exist without context of Revenge of the Sith looming on the horizon --> Luminara being the one to talk to Rafa about the loss of people she cares about does not come without context of all of the above ALL OF THIS TIES TOGETHER. This doesn’t undercut Rafa’s hurt or loss being genuine and valid, but it doesn’t make Luminara wrong, either. Especially when look at how else Rafa is contextualized within this episode--she’s fun, she’s exciting, that moment in the holding cell is genuine feeling, but how does that scene literally end? With her being willing to sell Ahsoka out to torture, rather than herself.

Ahsoka is defending her, saying the Pykes won’t touch Rafa! Rafa’s immediate response is, “Yeah! She’s right! Take her instead!” and pushes Ahsoka forward. She’s still hilarious, she’s still a blast to watch, but maybe Rafa isn’t the best person and that throws her status as a reliable narrator a lot closer to being an unreliable narrator. So much of her actions clearly come from a place of being hurt, her willingness to do all sorts of shady things, her willingness to drag Trace into all of this, her willingness to overlook the spice that’s going to actively destroy lives, but as long as Rafa gets hers, it’s fine, her willingness to actively sell Ahsoka out or abandon her, is the context of where Rafa is coming from. Hurt, anger, and selfishness of someone who experienced tragedy and let it color her view. And that is also the source of what she says about Luminara. Not coming from a place of evil, but of someone who let tragedy color her view of the galaxy and the way she relates to people. I mean, look at how she treats Ahsoka, someone who has constantly been trying to help both her and her sister, that she’s ready to ditch Ahsoka constantly, even when Ahsoka hasn’t even tried to get across the bridge, she’s ready to just ditch her and leave her to the Pykes.

Literally five minutes after the conversation in the cell, we have Ahsoka talking to her about her relatonship with Trace--not just that Rafa drags her sister into these missions without recognizing that Trace really kind of couldn’t say no to her, but specifically in the context of, “Trace would never believe you don’t have her best interests at heart.” Rafa genuinely, clearly cares about Trace! But Ahsoka is our reliable narrator in this arc and we can trust a lot about what she asks, the points she makes--and she’s pointing out that Rafa is not actually coming from a place of reliability or true care. That she speaks to Rafa with softness, rather than anger, also speaks to that she recognizes Rafa’s hurt, but that doesn’t mean she’s not spot on about how Rafa isn’t actually thinking about Trace, that she’s justifying and rationalizing a lot of things, that Rafa is not the reliable narrator she presents herself as.

And if that weren’t enough, there’s still more! The way Rafa treats the Gotal who asks her for credits is dismissive and uncaring. It isn’t that she has to give him money, but the way she tells him to buzz off, the way Rafa treats people in the galaxy (and maybe once upon a time she was a sweet girl, I could easily see that! but now she’s not acting out of an unbiased place, all her actions/words are coming from a place of bias now) DIRECTLY leads to the Gotal telling the Pykes about them. Attitudes towards people and reliability as a narrator have direct consequences even within a single episode!

And, finally, the thing that made me clutch my heart was Ahsoka’s words about why she’s doing what she’s doing, especially as it’s also directly tied to Rafa’s treatment of Trace, that that was the conversation right before this moment: “In my life, when you find people who need your help, you help them, no matter what.”

This is a Jedi right in front of Rafa. For all that Ahsoka isn’t a Jedi any longer, this arc is her struggling to find her place in the galaxy, to find the path forward for herself as someone who was raised by the Jedi, who believes in their teachings, who is the person they helped her become, that is a good person because she herself is a good person, but also because that’s how Anakin and the Jedi taught her to be. It’s about Ahsoka struggling to accept that not everyone sees the Jedi in a positive light, but Star Wars is not a series that’s about straightforward or even honest narratives, from the very beginning it’s been baked into the foundations that the propaganda in the galaxy is a huge, huge factor, that misunderstanding who the Jedi are (and thus being willing to overlook a literal genocide against them, against their children, who were murdered just for being Jedi, to overlook that you can’t even talk about the Jedi or practice their culture without “disappearing”, it’s the literal definition of a genocide) and that what we’re told versus what we’re shown is often two entirely separate things and that these things ARE NOT CLEARED UP. These things are let go and never made right. The galaxy’s view of the Jedi is never cleared up. The galaxy’s view of the clones and the horror that happened to them with their minds being taken away from them is never cleared up. So we, the audience, know these things that the characters don’t always know and maybe won’t find out, ever. Thus seeing Ahsoka with our own eyes vs Rafa telling us her experience--an experience that is real from her point of view, whatever else is coloring it--fits in with the bigger structure of Star Wars pretty damn well and it’s up to the audience to remember the context, because the show won’t, as that’s not really how SW works. And none of this makes Rafa bad, she’s a valuable, worthwhile character and I adore her, she’s so much fun and we can all feel there’s a heart in there and I want good things for her! But this arc is illustrating that the galaxy is a complicated place--as Trace says, “This life I lead? It’s not how I was raised. It’s how it is.” is about the entire galaxy, not just one small sub-corner of it.

#ahsoka tano #rafa martez #luminara unduli #jedi order #meta #tcw spoilers #long post #really long post

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lovethyqueers · 6 years ago

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Hey. I hope you don't mind me asking but what convinced you of side a theology?

I don’t mind at all! I should probably preface this by saying that I’m not an expert on theology and I don’t claim there’s no possibility that I am incorrect. But I do believe what I believe and I believe it’s right, otherwise, I wouldn’t believe it.

(Also, keep in mind, the following touches solely on LGB, not trans/nonbinary or the idea of gender identity, however, I am affirming of trans/nonbinary individuals as well as those who are LGB. This response, once again, only discusses sexuality.)

When I found out I was bisexual, it shook my faith a lot. Because I was alone, completely alone. And a large portion of that loneliness comes from how the issue of “homosexuality” had been approached throughout my entire life, compared to other sins. Homosexuality was something that people called a sin but they put it in a whole other category sin. It wasn’t like lying, or stealing, or sexual sins like infidelity. It was a whole other ballgame, an abomination. There was more emphasis put on it to how “evil” it was. The implications I got from the way it was taught was that being “homosexual” could literally prevent you from having a relationship with God.

The risk of conversation therapy (something which was regarded as a genuinely fine and okay way to “fix” lgbtq+ kids), and fear of church/family rejection was more than enough to keep my mouth shut. The idea of God rejecting me for my sexuality was almost too much to bear.

In incognito tabs, I searched for resources on gay Christians. One of the first things I came across was Believe Out Loud. It completely perplexed me- how could these people be so comfortable with their sexuality, something I believed to be dark and dirty and wrong, while still being a Christian??

So I started rationalizing with myself- “Okay. I can be bisexual, but I’ll just focus on the ‘straight’ part of myself. I won’t act on any of my romantic desires towards girls, just boys, and God will be pleased with me because I’m not really bisexual this way.”

But the thoughts didn’t go away. I got crushes on girls, just as intense and real as the ones I had on boys. But it felt innocent and I started getting angry, like, why was this attraction to girls any worse than my attractions to boys? And then I got older and started experiencing sexual attraction towards girls too and it was horrifying for me and at that point, I was so lonely and bitter and I started falling away from the Lord because I didn’t know how to approach Him about any of this.

I don’t know when it happened exactly, but I was showering one day, and I prayed. I sort of ‘came out’ in that prayer and told God I was bisexual and didn’t know what to do.

Something told me I needed to find a way to reconcile this some way and stop repressing it, because all the repression was doing was breaking me from the inside out.

I made a post and and said that it was difficult being lgbtq+ and Christian and that I wished I had something, anything, to help me along my road, because in my real life, I had nothing and I was trying to do this on my own without any other Christians to help me. (Because, again, conversion therapy, being kicked out, and other various things are very real fears which could happen to me, so talking to my church about this was just not an option at all.)

People responded and directed me to three things: This masterpost of clobber passages that someone discussed, Hoperemainsonline, and Queer Theology.

If you’re interested, you can go over those resources and they may help you understand where I stand, though I don’t agree with every single aspect of those resources entirely. But those resources, on a theological level, were some of what helped me develop my side a stance.

One of the biggest things to me is that sexual orientation is not just about sex! I was living with a perspective that “same-sex” relationships were somehow on a completely different level than straight relationships and Biblical principles couldn’t be applied to them. But. I plan to abstain from sex until when/if I get married. Whether a man or a woman, I pray for God’s guidance in treading through these relationships. I pray, ultimately, if I end up with a romantic partner, it is someone who strives to become more Christlike and we can fellowship and spread God’s love together.

When I stopped thinking of being lgb as just a sexual thing, that really helped me.

What I have attempted to do, is to give all areas of my life up to God. Full surrender. I’m not quite good at that. I’m used to the years of hiding my sexual and romantic identity away from the Lord as best as I can- which, ultimately, I couldn’t. He knew from day one.

I’ve passed the point in my life full of suppression. I try to be open to God about all areas of my life, including my relationships, where once before, I was trying to hide them. The ‘straight’ relationships I’ve been in weren’t any more holy than any “same-sex” ones, because I still wasn’t giving those up to God and asking for his guidance in them.

Tl;dr: What has convinced me, on an emotional level, is the freedom and openness I feel new with God in my life. I feel like, reconciling that part of my life, has made me feel closer to Him. I’ve seen the changes in my life, even within the past year. I pray He keeps drawing me closer and closer to Him with each day.

On a more skeptical no-feelings level: Passages in the Bible, over the years, it is very possible there were misinterpretations and mistranslations, and there’s evidence of this. Historical context also must be taken into account when examining passages.

And ultimately, if I am wrong: Jesus, my savior, is greater than anything. I am fallible to error. But I believe, with all my heart, that surrendering my life to Christ and Him becoming Lord of my life- his sacrifice is what saved me. Not what my stance on being LGBTQ+ is.

♥

(Side note: the @queerlychristian blog is one I often consult and it’s jam-packed with resources that might also help you understand the side a perspective better.)

#Anonymous #Marin Answers

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canyousevmyheavydirtysoul · 6 years ago

Text

Bodyguard II: Familial Ties (Part I - Chapter 11) (Brendon Urie x Reader)

“You run extensive background checks on all of your agents. You knew about this.”

“It was more suspicion than cemented knowledge, Agent,” The Director’s hologram answered with a tilt of the head and a raised eyebrow, “Your father was a genius. Covered his tracks exceptionally well. There’s virtually no record of your family history. For all I know, you probably don’t even exist.”

Brendon, who was pacing up and down the conference room, waved a dismissive hand. “But you knew.”

Fury straightened his posture and raised his head so that his eyes looked down on his currently disarrayed agent. “I assumed. And I made the choice to take you in because I saw great potential. One of the best decisions I’ve ever made.”

Brendon only offered a nod in response, his mind still spinning as he tried to fully come to terms with the new information regarding his genealogy. Fury, noticing that Brendon was unusually anxious, decided to put his mind at ease.

“Brendon,” he started with a firm tone; the use of his first name and not ‘Urie’ or ‘Agent’ made Brendon turn every ounce of his attention to his boss, “the very best of you, the parts that everyone admires and most people fear – that has nothing to do with no mutant gene. That’s one hundred percent you. Don’t let this mess with your head. Things will only change if you allow them to – you’re the one who has full control over your life; don’t hand that control over to the gene. ‘Cause if you do, then your father wins, and you’re better than that. You’re better than him, and you’re better than your brother. Don’t, for even a second, stop believing in yourself. ‘Cause I sure as hell never will.”

Inhaling deeply and rubbing his hands over his tired face, Brendon nodded his head to show that he understood. In that moment, The Director had said exactly what he needed to hear, and he had never been more thankful for the man.

“Thank you, sir,” he breathed shakily.

“Don’t mention it, son,” Fury spoke softly, before once again firming his tone, “Now, get rid of that sentimentality – it’s unbelievably uncomfortable for me to see you so sensitive. Bring me my ominous agent back.”

“He never left, sir,” Brendon informed, and just like that, he switched back to his usual, ice-sculpture state, “So what should I do with the prisoner?”

Fury scoffed and shook his head lightly. “Don’t ask me. This ain’t even an official, S.H.I.E.L.D-sanctioned mission, Agent.”

“Right,” Brendon cleared his throat.

“Although, off the record,” Fury cocked one brow and smirked somewhat, “While I’d appreciate having The Phantom Warrior under S.H.I.E.L.D surveillance, locked away where he can’t hurt anyone… I do understand the abnormal circumstances. So,” he looked at Brendon and gave a curt nod, “you do whatever it is you need to do, Agent.”

“So he literally gave his blessing for you to murder the guy?” Dean scoffed, face showing his blatant disbelief.

“Pretty much,” Brendon replied with a bored voice as he rummaged through the cabinets in the kitchenette in search of the last of the protein bars.

“Are you gonna do it?” Dean pressed, leaning forward from his seat on the countertop; he was far too invested in the situation.

“No.”

“Can I do it?”

“No,” Brendon groaned, sighing happily when he found the snack and working his fingers along the packaging to open it. “No one is killing anyone today.”

“Aw, but I’d do such a good job,” Dean all but whined, angrily knocking his dangling leg against the door of the counter.

Brendon took a bite from the bar, chewed and swallowed it before answering. “I know you would. And believe me, I hate him. I want to kill him, and I probably will. But not yet.”

All three of The Hounds temporarily halted their respective movements – swinging their legs, chugging down a beer, tossing a baseball against the wall – and turned to exchange worried glances between them. The day that they had dreaded for the past four years had devastatingly arrived.

“You’ve gone fucking soft!”

Brendon’s jaw immediately stopped working to chew the protein bar, and his head snapped in the direction of Rollins to deliver an inexplicably evil glare.

“I have not,” he hissed venomously, “gone fucking soft.”

“Dude,” Dean chuckled giddily, readily nodding his head in a show of support of his friend’s bold exclamation, “You’ve gone soft.”

Brendon squinted his eyes and ran his tongue over his teeth. “Yeah?” he asked softly. “How about we head downstairs to the sparring room and then we’ll see just how soft I’ve gone?”

“Hey, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Rollins soothed, stepping forward as he arched his brows and held his hands up in defence, “Happens to the best of us at times.”

With his patience wearing thin, Brendon drew in a deep breath, looked up to the ceiling and skewed his mouth to the side. Once he was able to get his temper under control, he looked at each agent in turn.

“Please… do not come for me like that again. Else the only murders I’ll be committing will be yours.”

Mason was unequivocally dumbstruck, watching with the utmost attentiveness as Brendon loosened the restraints around the assassin’s limbs as The Hounds stood in battle formation behind their colleague, ready and willing to attack should the need to do so arise.

“What’s this?” he questioned with a frown, hesitant to make any movements for fear that he’d misinterpreted the situation.

“Alright, listen to me and listen well,” Brendon sighed, raking his fingers through his hair, “What I’m about to do goes against all of my better instincts and to be quite honest, I have no idea why the hell I’m about to do something so stupid.”

Mason perked up noticeably, chancing an upward curve of his lips. “You’re letting me go?”

Another sigh from the brooding agent.

“Much to the dismay of the three gentlemen standing behind me,” Brendon gently cocked his head in the direction of The Hounds, “yes. But not without conditions…”

Brendon stalked forward, radiating intimidation, and forcing his brother to lean back into the uncomfortable chair as he rested his hands on his shoulders.

“You run. You hide. You disappear. You don’t go back to working for Hydra and if you do, I will hunt you down and I will kill you,” Brendon threatened, his heavy stare looming over the older Urie. Mason could tell that his brother was as serious has he’d ever been and he dared not challenge him.

“And,” Brendon continued, “you do not – under any circumstances – ever try and insert yourself back into my life, in any way at all. If you do, I’ll kill you even worse. Nothing has changed between us, Mason. You helped me, yeah, but I still feel nothing for you. And I will never forgive you.”

Nodding slowly, Mason relayed that he understood. He had something to ask, though, and even though he knew that he was in an incredibly volatile situation at present and his upcoming inquiry could cause it to take a turn for the worst, his arrogance took over and he couldn’t stop himself from speaking.

“Then why are you letting me go?”

“Because I know you’re bound to fuck up at some point, and I take great pleasure in knowing that you’re out there sleeping with one eye open, knowing that when you do,” Brendon stood up straight and took a few steps backwards, giving the tiniest of smirks, “your little brother will show up to kick your ass even worse than our father did. Get rid of him.”

Brendon tossed a glance at The Hounds, and the three agents obediently started for the assassin.

“You can deny me all you want, Bren,” Mason called after his brother, who was already halfway out of the door, “but you’ll always be my little brother.”

✧ ✧ ✧

The next day.

“Still think that you made the biggest mistake of your life,” Ambrose drawled, spinning around on an office chair.

“Still didn’t ask for your opinion,” Brendon replied, not lifting his gaze from his laptop, most likely engaged in some form of electronic correspondence with Dallon.

Roman and Seth entered the room then, with Seth taking a seat across from Dean and Roman walking over to the mini-fridge to grab a couple bottles of beer and distribute them to the rest of the guys.

“Alright, boss,” Seth clicked his tongue and took the beer that Roman held out to him, “We dumped your dickhead of a brother in the furthest, most remote corner of the planet. What happens now?”

Brendon pursed his lips and exhaled through his nose, scanning the screen to read over the last message he’d received from Dallon before averting his attention to The Hounds.

“I have no fucking idea.”

The room went silent after Brendon’s admission, with each agent being just as bewildered as the next. They’d spent the better part of a year on this mission, and now that it was over, the complications of it all finally sank in.

“Okay, I’m gonna go out on a limb here,” Ambrose broke the silence after a few minutes, throwing his arms out as a haughty look swept over his face. “How about we – just hear me out, here – how about we do the unthinkable…” he trailed off for dramatic effect, biting his lip and holding up one finger before delivering the punch line, “And go back to HQ.”

The Lunatic suddenly leapt up out of his seat, gasping loudly and mockingly covering his mouth as if he’d just said something unmentionable. Seth rolled his eyes at his friend’s teasing and hurriedly shoved him back into his seat.

Brendon readily shook his head to show his distaste over the suggestion. While it was the usual protocol to return to S.H.I.E.L.D HQ after every mission, the unconventional way this mission had come to be left Brendon with a great deal of problems surrounding his return home.

“No,” he said, “I’m not ready to go back yet.”

Each of his colleagues nodded in understanding, and Roman offered a solution to their current ‘in limbo’ predicament.

“I’ll make a call to The Director,” he spoke, already moving to the next room, “see if there’s any operations we can consult on.”

Brendon nodded to show that he was on board before looking at the laptop screen, sighing and slamming it shut.

✧ ✧ ✧

Three months later. Moscow, Russia.

“…I mean, I think that he’s just nervous, ya know? And with good reason, too,” Seth scoffed, sitting in the passenger seat of the SUV, with Roman in the driver’s.

Unseen by both of the men, their fellow Hound had just rounded the corner into the alley they were parked at the end of, waving his hands and shouting in an attempt to get their attention, as a group of angry henchmen chased after him.

“START THE CAR!” he yelled, waving his hands wildly, “REIGNS! ROLLINS!”

Seth and Roman were far too engrossed in their conversation to hear the muffled shouts of their friend from outside.

“I don’t know, uce,” Roman thinned his lips and shook his head, casually leaning his arm against the inside of the car door, “I think the sooner he gets back, the better.”

“START THE CAR! START THE FUCKING CAR!”

“Yeah, but can you imagine the shit that’s gonna go down when he does?” Rollins arched his brows and leaned forward a bit, “Like-“

“START THE MOTHERFUCKING CAR!” Ambrose screamed as he threw himself forward, the top half of his body crashing through the backseat window, startling the other two and finally kick-starting their reactions.

Roman started the car immediately and tramped on the accelerator just as the henchmen opened fire. Fortunately, Seth had pointed his Glock out of the window and got some fatal shots in, himself, allowing them to get away.

Dean groaned in pain as he manoeuvred the rest of his body into the backseat and shifted himself up amidst the shards of glass.

“Nice to know I can always count on you assholes to act quickly,” he said sarcastically, groaning some more as he picked pieces of glass out of his reddened skin.

“Hey, you’re alive, aren’t you?” Seth quipped, briefly glancing back to make sure that his friend was, in fact, okay.

Dean snorted. “Barely.”

There was a resounding thud that echoed through the car – a sound effect to accompany the sudden dent on the roof of the vehicle. Seth and Dean immediately drew their weapons, aiming them at the windows and the roof, ready to attack.

Then, the other backseat window was smashed, as Brendon swung from the roof and into the car feet-first.

Sighing in relief upon seeing that it was only the fourth agent, Rollins and Ambrose lowered their guns.

“You’re a bit too late for that to be awesome, dude,” Dean scoffed, holstering his weapon, before pointing to himself and nodding, “I did it first.”

“I did it better.”

Dean’s smug smile turned into a frown and Brendon shot him a wink before leaning forward and patting Roman on the shoulder.

“You might wanna floor it, Reigns. I wasn’t exactly a polite guest.”

Roman shook his head and mumbled under his breath. “The fact that we’re all still alive amazes me.”

Brendon was about to respond with a snarky remark, but the ringing of his cell cut him off. Checking the caller ID, he breathed out tiredly before answering.

“I know I’m miraculous, sir, but another mission already?”

“Brendon, this isn’t about a mission.”

The Director’s voice had an underlying tone of worry to it, and that coupled with – once again – the use of his first name, brought Brendon to full attentiveness.

“What’s wrong?” he asked firmly.

The response brought Brendon’s entire world to a standstill.

ᴇɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪ

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x

Taglist:

@avangardv

@arosebyname

@avengertrash21

@ryan-ross-that-fucking-gay

@azumitoshiki

@tiffisnotnormal

@darknessdancing

@raversam

@theieroenthusiast

@the-ghost-of-hemingway

@laerkers

@peters-vlogs

@brendon-is-my-daddy

@hockeyswag-boll

@gutsbonesandbeauty

@username-number-01834

@untilyouburnallofthewitches

@underscoredarcy

@aminasmells

@becausebands

@converseskyline

@opheren

@justalineinasong15

@vinyloider

@attractiveugly

@twentzy—dun—fandoms

@tirzahs-heart

@tegan-eva

@i-only-date-flower-boys

@jishwatylrandtop

@blueskiesbleakeyes

@robinruns

@hi-ho-and-hello

@svintsandghosts

@brendonuriehimself

@mckenzie-evelyn

@beebo-stuff

@iamafishandigosplish

@sunshineandapplepie

@kealohilani-tepise

@bookworm104

@sheridans-dynamos

@phoenixsong16

@justawriterinprogress

@anotherwriterinprogress

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crystallized-shadow · 6 years ago

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The Killer Meme

Tagged by @a-kid-named-hiro

[Me, Myself, I]

What is your philosophy/motto in life? Always try your best; you can’t always be the best but you can do your best.

How did you choose your User Name, and what does it reveal of your character? It’s my username from a different site and I really like it. I guess it could mean I’m the shiny thing in the dark?

What did you want to be “when you grew up” when you were younger? If your current job/plans are different, why did you change? I wanted to be Veterinarian when I was a kid but an allergy to dogs put a kibosh on that pretty quick.

What was the worst nightmare you have ever had? I usually don’t remember my dreams, but I can remember one where someone me shot in the back.

Tell the story behind one or more of your scars (physical, not emotional). I have several but the story is the same: I’m a fucking klutz.

What one thing would you like your great-great-grandchildren to know about you? What one thing would you NOT want them to know? I don’t intend to reproduce.

How do you learn (things-for-exams)? Re-reading notes and frantically cramming right before the exam (I do NOT recommend this method)

What was the cause of the worst physical pain you have ever been in? I slipped on the ice; over-extended two tendons, concussed a nerve, bruised my tailbone, and hurt my knee (I had to sit through 4 hours of classes before I could do anything about it, not fun)

Where do you live (a country is fine, just name a place)? USA

What is your biggest fear? Not living up to my own expectations

[Nostalgia Ain’t What It Used to Be]

What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever done? (Not the best, or the most accomplished, or the most life-altering, just the coolest). Gone tubing down the river

If you could change one event from your own personal history, what would it be and how would you change it? I let something very dear to me go, if I could change anything, I would never have made that decision

Describe the one thing you have learned in the course of your education, either inside school or outside of it, which you consider the most valuable. Actions speak louder than words, especially among people who are supposed to be your friends.

What memory would call up your personal Patronus spell? (in other words, what memory is your happiest or sweetest?) Any memory featuring my precious people happy

Describe the three best pairs of shoes that you’ve ever owned - favorites because of comfort, the way they look, the brand, any reason at all. Any shoes that I don’t have to tie are fucking amazing

[If I Ruled the World]

If you could have been born and grown up somewhere else, where would that have been? I liked where I grew up, so I wouldn’t change it

What would you demand in exchange for giving up your personal freedoms and civil liberties? Would never give them up

If there were no laws, which (former) crime would be the first you’d commit? I’d make all student loans disappear forever!

If you could do one thing or grant one wish for someone else, what would it be? I’d wish that those near and dear to my heart be happy for the rest of their lives

If you could know anything about your future, what would it be? If I’m happy with my life

Owing to a peculiar concatenation of events, you are the wealthiest person in the world, and the latter will end in 24 hours. Money being no object, and saving the world being impossible, what would you do during that last day? I’d make it the best day ever for everyone I care about. If we’re all going to die we might as well go out with a bang!

If you could hunt down one childhood tormentor (whether it be bully, tattletale, mean teacher, or friend’s mother who hated you for no good reason) and exact revenge upon them in some spectacular, prankish fashion without worry of consequences, who would you choose, and what would you do to him/her? That’s hard to say since karma has taken care of a few of these people. There is one person I’d love to slap in the back of the head for being incompetent when I got hurt, so I guess I’d do that.

If I offered you a chance to have anything you wanted, the cost being someone you didn’t know dies, would you accept? If I could stipulate the that person has to be a piece of shit that no one will miss, then hell yeah! Otherwise I’d have to give it some thought.

If you could have any one superpower, what would it be? Time travel

If you could punch any one person from any point in history, who would you pick? I have a list of people that deserve a good punch in the face

If you were given the opportunity to live another life, what kind of life would you like to have? I’d want a life where I could be happy and not have to worry about anyone hurting me or those close to me

If you could alter history in one specific place, where would it be, and why? Stopping someone close to me from ever dating the fucking whore who did nothing but fuck them over

Assuming you (or a group of friends) conquer Earth, which section(s) of the planet would you personally desire, and why? Somewhere quiet with good wi-fi so we could have a place to relax

If you could, with no repercussions, subject anyone you wanted to one day of utter and complete torture, who would you choose, why would you choose them, and what would you do to them? Conversely, if you could give anyone you wanted (other than yourself) one day of perfect happiness, who/why/what would you choose? The fucking whore I mentioned earlier, I would subject her to a day of torture, without hesitation.

It might be cliche, but my mom deserves the best fucking day ever so I would pick her.

[Media and Culture]

Hollywood called: they’re filming your life story. Who do you cast as yourself? I would just laugh and hang up the phone

They want to make your life into a Cartoon. Which graphic artist do you want to draw it? Not sure why anyone would want to do that, but I would pick @sinyaru or @artbythedarkside because I fucking love their art!

Your favourite Blackadder episode and why? ???

Movie adaptations of books - heinous, evil and always disappointing or perfectly acceptable? It really depends on the book and the actors they pick

What one song brings up the strongest emotion (negative or positive) for you? Hold Me Tight or Don’t by Fall Out Boy Killing Kind by Mariana’s Trench

If you had the choice to live in any fictional world, as in transposed into a book, which one would it be? Please explain why. Naruto, preferably during the Fonder’s Era because I want to me Madara and Tobirama! Also ninjas.

What is your favorite artwork (painting, sculpture, etching, whatever) and why? I can’t say I have a favorite piece, but personally I enjoy painting.

Name twelve songs for the soundtrack of your life. (In no particular order)

1. Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Green Day) 2. Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea (Fall Out Boy) 3. THNKS FR TH MMRS (Fall Out Boy) 4. It’s My Life (Bon Jovi) 5. High Hopes (Panic! At the Disco) 6. Natural (Imagine Dragons) 7. Teenagers (My Chemical Romance) 8. Head Above Water (Avril Lavigne) 9. I Don’t Care (Fall Out Boy) 10. Numb (Linkin Park) 11. Victorious (Panic! At the Disco) 12. Get Out Alive (Three Days Grace)

If you could have only five cds, which would they be? No burned cds count - only ones you physically purchase in a store/online. (In no particular order)

1. Mania (Fall Out Boy) 2. Phantoms (Mariana’s Trench) 3. Save Rock and Roll (Fall Out Boy) 4. Them vs. You vs. Me (Finger 11) 5. Pray For The Wicked (Panic! At the Disco)

Batman or Superman? Loki

What fictional character do you most identify with and why? If I had to pick I would say maybe Tobirama Senju. I can come across as cold, will do odd things to satisfy curiosity, and my intentions can be misinterpreted by those that don’t know me.

[The Completely Hatstand Section]

True or false: pineapple on pizza is wrong. False.

If you were a color, what would you be and why? Black or red, they are my favorites.

If you could be an inanimate object, what would you be and why? A dictionary so no one would use me

Assuming reincarnation exists, who do you think you may have been in a past life? How would you like to come back in the next? The running joke in my family is I was a pirate in my past life because my alcohol of choice, when I drink, is rum. I’d like to come back as a cat so I can be lazy and knock shit over XD

If you were a weapon, what would you be and why? A katana because they are badass

Do you wear orange? Why/Why not? Not really, it’s just not a color I own a lot of.

If you could ask your deity of choice one question and have it answered, what would you ask? I’m honestly not sure, maybe what’s the secret to the universe?

True/False: Green buffalos come from Albania. (seriously, now.) Um, false?

[Fair Trades and Dilemmas]

If remaining a virgin (or abstaining from sex) for the rest of your life would allow you to do real magic, would you do it? Fuck yeah! Magic is fucking awesome!

How much money would it take for you to appear naked (full-frontal) for five seconds on national television? A fuck ton of money, like more money than currently exists; I am very self-conscious.

Would you rather be a complete idiot with a charming personality, or intellectually brilliant but have no friends? I’d rather be intellectually brilliant, because my true friends would still be my friends, regardless of how smart I am.

You can start any business of your choice, whether for-profit or non-profit, regardless of whether this business exists practically in the world or not and whether there’s an existing business model to make your chosen business work or not. Irrespective of what it is, it will start off moderately successfully and eventually become very successful. You will make a very satisfactory wage and your investors/sponsors will be very pleased with your work. What business would you start? Some online business that rivals Amazon.

Would you sacrifice an unknown portion of your life so that a loved one could live for one more year? Without a doubt

Tagging @theintellectualweeb @sinyaru @artbythedarkside and whoever else wants to do it

#Crystal speaks #tag game #thanks for the tag Hiro!#sorry it took me so long to do it!

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pleasemarrymetomholland · 7 years ago

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Why I can’t tell my friends every last secrets

I have trouble coming clean to my friends about certain things because I know they’ll be disappointed. It’s hard to face them with that because I’m afraid of the way they’ll look at me and all the things they’ll think. Maybe I shouldn’t do it if I know that they wont like it. But I have to do some things for myself, I can’t let their judgement dictate my decisions. I really am scared though. I feel like a fraud. I don’t like to lie but to some people I am not at all who I claim to be. Sometimes I feel like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I’m not a monster though, don’t misinterpret it, I’m just not always who I say I am. But then again no one really truly knows every part of me. I keep my darkness in the obscure corners of my reality for no one else to see but me. I can’t face the daunting line that wavers between good and evil that I shield from everyone else. No one really knows how thin it can be at times. I make the right choices. I always try to do the right thing, but sometimes... well, sometimes there are so many wrong things flooding my mind, so many evil thoughts that I push away and assure myself “they’re not me, they’re not who I am.” but nevertheless, they’re still there. The thoughts are still pressing and admittedly at sometimes more than others. I truly exist only to myself. If I died today, would it be sad that no one else ever knew every part of me, that no one ever truly understood? The reality of who I am, all of my essence is known to me and me alone, I am only me to me, to everyone else I am Jessa the girl who blah blah blah this and blah blah blah that. No one else can ever and likely will ever see me in the same light that I see myself. When I die, the reality of who I believe I am will die with me and all that will be left is of me is what other people saw. So I guess that’s one of the biggest reasons I fear what they think, I don’t think I could fully explain that without being up until 3 am and for now, I need sleep.

So, goodnight world, goodnight blog, goodnight readers, goodnight beauty and goodnight wonders, goodnight.

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kadywicker · 7 years ago

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spoilery pros/cons list under the cut!

cons first

my biggest issue w/this movie was finn and poes plots. while they do get abt the same amount of screentime as rey smth just feels... very empty. poes plot is esp ooc and finns just... idk how to describe it other than empty? it left a lot to be desired

the humor was weird??? like? sw is humorous yes but... it was very different. not in a good way. like yeah i snorted with the whole “i’m holding for hux” thing from poe bc i hate hux and that was a big mood but it felt very off for the film/universe. as did luke throwing the lightsaber. and some other moments i dont rlly remember

kylo ren shirtless scene was literally awful and as a lesbian i wanted to kms

holdo was??? so fuckin pointless oh my fuck literally every time she was on screen i just literally did not care

yoda being there what the fuc gk

kylo being a fucking dumbass and not wondering how luke got a lightsaber when he literally just broke the thing in half but ig it’s p in character for kylo ren to not think for once in his life

the times that finn/poe were put in harmful situations played for laughs. like.... yes, the same happened to rey too but it has much different vibes when its moc being targeted. intentional or not it was a bad call and just made me incredibly uncomfortable

paige dying :(

pros !

shockingly bc i think im the first person to say this, luke’s characterization. the main complaints have been: a) regretted not killing vader b) considered/tried to kill kylo c) too cynical. now as someone whos a certified Luke Stan im gonna debunk these bc every one of those is down to misinterpretation or misquoting of scenes. a) he never said he regretted saving his father. in fact, he still has his kyber crystal from his saber hanging on a necklace in his hut. the conversation went like this. “the jedi have done awful things etc etc they created vader” “and you saved him” luke is not the one listing saving him as a mistake of the jedi. it’s rey countering that luke saving him was smth good the jedi did. and luke DOESN’T disagree. his only argument is that he regrets that it made him a “legend” which in turn lead to him being blinded to how dark kylo had gotten. which is honestly perfectly in character for luke. only he would feel bad for smth like that and beat himself up over it bc as usual hes a sunshine boy b) also didnt happen. when we see the scene from kylos pov, he mistells rey the story to make it seem like luke was some evil vengeful master. nope. he literally ignited his lightsaber for like 2 seconds bc he saw how many ppl kylo was going to kill before he realized what he was doing and went to turn off his saber but kylo had already seen. it’s also made clear later that while hes sorry abt what happened (which, cmon, this is luke. him feeling bad abt shit isnt an indication that its villainized. he apologized to an alien that didnt like him in anh) that he knows he was right and that kylo doesnt have good in him anymore. kylo was still the one who destroyed the order. rey was never mad at luke for trying to kill kylo simply for the sake that she felt “bad” for kylo. she was pissed that, from the distorted version kylo showed her, it seemed as if he’d “created” kylo who’d killed so many ppl. c) okay yes hes cynical. but he doesnt stay that way. look. what have we seen from luke in the ot? we’ve seen him feel guilty over goddamn everything always and try and be a self sacrificing dumbass every second bc of that (i mean this in a very fond way i love my son). so when he blames himself for this shit, he tries to hide himself away so he doesnt fuck things up. we cant forget that while luke was a softhearted, emotional hero, he also had a lot of moments where he was cynical or annoyed (all of anh, dagobah, points in rotj). still, he overcomes that and realizes that he CAN still help and that the jedi are still needed. he talks about hope and is his same sweet self to leia and everyone else in the resistance. he also does have his sweet moments with rey.

moving on tho. holy shit the blatant parallels they drew with luke & leia and rey & kylo more than ever convinced me that they’re either siblings or cousins. him leading her into an answer of her parents being nobodies when shes already told him thats her biggest fear definitely isnt a concrete answer. like. they literally create the same scenes between rey & kylo and luke & leia. the weird ass hand scene thats been floating around also happens between luke and leia via the force. luke and leia communicate via the force more than once in the same way rey and kylo do. rey leaves in nearly the exact same manner to go to kylo as luke did when leaving dagobah to save leia. rey and leia also feel luke die via the force and they both see him in the same way rey & kylo and luke & leia have been seeing each other. if this were just a bond by snoke, that bond wouldnt exist between rey & luke & leia as well. i’m just saying y’all. luke was told his entire life growing up that his parents were nobodies and it’s stated outright in anh and yet look @ where we are now lads

rose was such a sweetie?? i didn’t love her introduction for reasons i’m sure youve all read by now but the rest of the movie she was a rlly good character and that hope sw is always about.

finn is called a hero who knows right from wrong and fights for whats right. finn is also given so many hero moments in the movie that got everyone in the theater cheering. he kills phasma. also, although dj does try and sell the whole “the rebels are just as bad as the first order” bullshit, finn calls him on it and fully proves just how bullshit that is. it’s definitely not the message of the movie.

finn and reys reunion oh gm yg od. that was so SWEET. she buried her face in his neck and he nuzzled her hair and they were both smiling and clinging to each other it was real blessed. rey also keeps asking abt finn and finn keeps asking abt her and honestly i feel god in this chilis tonight

the only good thing kyle did in this movie was force throw hux against a wall and knock him out bc hes annoying and i might hate kyle but god what a big goddamn mood

kylos irredeemable and stated to be so by the end and u kno what? thank fucking god

yes luke dying sucked and as a luke stan im gonna live in denial forever but if theres any way luke skywalker would go out itd be sacrificing himself for everyone he loves so

#james.txt #prev calrissians #tlj spoilers #and a lot of em

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okimargarvez · 7 years ago

Text

METEOROLOGY- Wind

Original title: Meteorology.

Prompt: climatic metaphors, phases of love.

Warning: none.

Genre: drama, romantic, comedy, angst, family, friendship.

Characters: Luke Alvez, Penelope Garcia, BAU team, Phil (Luke’s partner), Phil’s wife, Roxy, Derek Morgan.

Pairing: Garvez, Phil x Lucille.

Note: Multichapter.

Legend: 💏😘😈👓🔦🐶❗👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💍🎈.

Song mentioned: Via con me, Paolo Conte.

Meteorology- Masterlist

MY OTHER GARVEZ STORIES

WIND

Distance makes to the love what the wind does to the fire: turns off the little, unleash the big. (Roger de Bussy-Rabutin)

Not this time. You don't pretend it does not hurt. On the bedside you find her ring, engraved with your name to ' internal. A pause is an understatement, this sounds a lot more like a farewell. It's not the first time that you are in crisis, indeed. But it is the first since you are married. It's similar, but it's very different. It's terribly serious. And you haven’t even had a fight: she did everything. She misinterpreted your words and then made the suitcases.

Every day you contemplate her absence. Even Roxy is disappointed. For a week she refused to touch food. You take her to the vet, but when you explain to have been break up, he recommends you may want to wait a little longer, because your dog looks great, she's not sick. She feels only the lack of her mistress.

Each object reminds you of her and you do nothing to prevent the feelings overwhelm you in full. You consume least two handkerchiefs a day. You cry like you haven't done since you were a child and gradually you realize that these tears aren't only spilled for your wife, but also for your mother and your father. And for Phil, for what happened and for the children than ever you'll have. When you're at home you spend hours in front of the bookcase, fingering the covers of her favorite novels. Many of these you bought them for her.; perhaps exactly for this reason she has brought them with her. In fact, most of the personal effects of Penelope is still here: this would be consistent with her version that this is just a pause, a time to pull the plug. But the fear of losing her is really too big. And then you step one by one the ornaments, recalling for each one the story linked to it. This little airplane, for example, it relates to a case in Wisconsin, an arsonist who didn't want to set fire to people, but only buildings; unfortunately, he couldn't always avoid that there was collateral damage. He had made you sorry and he wasn't the only one. That duckie with its head going up and down, instead, it's a gift by your brother.

Also at work it was impossible not to notice that something was wrong. The next day I that she asked you the break you were gone, almost by inertia by moving towards your desk. But Prentiss had called you in her office. -Luke, I received a request from Penelope. She wants to use all the vacation months that has accumulated since she works in the BAU. You know something about?- you were not able to say anything, so she changed demand. -Did something happened? - you were forced to nod.

-She left me.- you said barely in a whisper, but the boss had heard.

-What? - the cry had probably been heard until to the upstairs. -She left you?- she had shaken her head, confused.

-In fact no, she asked me a break. There is any difference?- you just wanted to throw you on the job and then throw in the bed, which still retained her scent; It was the only way to be able to get some sleep. Even during sleep the nightmares still didn't let you in peace.

Shortly after, thankfully, a case had come. And you had discovered that Garcia would be replaced temporarily by his old ex, Kevin Lynch. The first day you had look at him indifferent; now you both had one thing in common. You both had let her go. But you still hope.

Now no one asks you anything. Emily gave up after she offered you a rest, to give you the way to find Penelope and convince her to come to her senses. But you had refused, telling her that if you would follow that plan, you would always live with the doubt that it could happen again. Unfortunately, it's the choice of your wife, your wife has to decide to turn back because she realized that love was the only thing that mattered.

But in the end you were forced to talk about it with someone and the choice should have been obvious, almost banal; but it was not like that because of the subject you should have talked about. Penelope is gone because she thinks you want children with her just to please the wish of her late mother-in-law. But it's not so, dammit!

-Before, no, I don't want it. And I know say this to you is equivalent to request, almost demand to kick me, but it's true. I never thought about it, the possibility of becoming a father. Let's say that I was also missing raw matter first.- Phil nods, inviting you to go on. -But when I met Penelope, when I realized that I was in love with her, things like marriage and having a family have become my biggest dream.- you realize that you're crying only when a hefty drop flowing down your face end up inside your sweater.

-So instead of sitting here whining you should get up and go to her. It's at her that you have to say these things, not at me. Don't tell me you're scared.- you shake your head, this not the point.

-If I do the first move I'll never know if she would choose me again.- Phil doesn't understand your reasons. For him are just excuses. And so, you isolates yourself more and more. You write hundreds of emails that not sent to her. The same goes for the text. And some paper letters. For an IT. This makes you barrel of laughs and sometimes you risk to get a heart attack, because once you started laughing just can't stop. It ends up that turns into a harrowing cry and luckily there Roxy, the only real girl that never left, who never hurt you, perhaps because she's not a human being, but an animal. You spend virtually all your free time with your face buried in her fur, like you used to before you met Penelope, when you were alone and the world seem a bad place, sad and when you loved the rain because you felt purified although now they say it's acid, which fret that more harm than good, but you're not a scientist of that kind, and even if you have very extensive knowledge, you dismiss it all and live it as would have done yours prehistoric ancestor.

And even now you still like rain, you remained fond of it. You never denied, even when you were with her, even when you were forced to realize that existed some other climates, that sometimes the sun comes out and there's always a rainbow after the storm. Now you're bound to learn something new, a breeze that penetrates in every free space, the cold air that caresses your skin and seems to imitate her touch and then you decide that even the wind isn't so bad and maybe can carry your message to her, like it's in the movies.

Escape is cowardly decision. It's the easiest choice. And in your life, you've never taken this kind of decisions; you have always opted for the path more complicated, the most abstruse, trying to get away with your own strength. Also, because after losing mom and dad you didn't have much choice. Yes, you love your adoptive parents and you'll be forever grateful to them for taking care of you, when you needed, but ... It's never been the same and maybe you feel guilty for that too. But you're not strong enough, you had to dump all the blame on Luke, on your husband, you've abandoned him as soon as when he offered you a good excuse. How long were you waiting for such an occasion?

You know perfectly well that he doesn't want to have a child with you just to make a gift to his mother. But it's not fair, it's not really fair that you can't have your perfect idyll, you can't give birth to a beautiful creature with skin of his amber color and your blonde hair or otherwise his brown hair and your pale skin as a Norwegian. It's not correct on the part of destiny because you feel you have done everything according to the rules, you're a good person, compassionate, kind, you think of others and you try to force yourself to the maximum to make the world a better place. Why don't you deserve a prize?

But the first time that such thoughts have crossed your mind, did you feel so selfish as to scare you. You had defined a child an equivalent a premium. It's not up to you to judge your worked, rather whose it's much higher up as you. You must not do the good to receive in return something. But you couldn't stop to feel betrayed in some way.

You always wanted to have a family. And you've always believed that if you would find a man capable of love seriously, the rest would come by itself. Why can't you even contemplate the idea of adoption? Yet earlier, when many cases involving children, the option has touched you, and more than once. Especially when you had had to take care of Ellie, the little girl who Morgan had taken particularly to heart. But in the end always some living relative is jump out who carried them away; you should try only joy for them. But it was not so easy.

You should think of Luke, about what he's doing, but if you just let his name touches you, you know that it's over, there's not will be more hope to stay away from him, and if you went back with him, he would only suffer more, because you don't know when or if you'll ever stop looking for a scapegoat on which to lay the blame that you feel. And you don't want is him to bring this burden. You have seen him change, you've seen him smile more, when you are together. You should be his ray of sunshine, a blanket that envelops and protects him from evil, you should give him all the reasons in the world to want to live. And for a while you did it, you did manage to sweep away the clouds, although had to rampage a real storm, first. But now you don't feel more able to fulfill this task.

A son is all you want, everything you can think of. You can't settle for the rest, of the good fortune to have so many people who love you. You just can't. You don't think of Roxy, from the top of your animalism, the fact that you're not only hurting your husband but also your dog, your team and your friends. Yet you can't care about it enough.

You just need to put more kilometers as possible between your real life and yourself, then you come back to San Francisco, get a room for rent and leave ring the cell phone unladen, messages accumulate up to clog up memory. But you notice, however, a detail. No one it's from Luke.

He's not going to force you to do what he wants, or go back with him. He's willing to be sick in silence, without being a burden on you, probably hoping that at least you are happy.

But it's not. And gradually these revelations come to the surface and you can't kid yourself again. Love is selflessness and selfishness and it’s not always easy to distinguish clearly between these two. Not being with him means to make him feel bad, but come back when you couldn't give him only the best of yourself means end up anyway to hurt him. In neither case you win something.

So enough, you do the suitcase throwing in the few stuffs you brought with you; you, the one who has always risked of brought down the jet, because also for go on the field has to take with she an exceptional number of luggage.

You who love the objects and encompass yourself of them. But it's impossible to find a single thing in your possession to help take your mind off him, even stuff that belong to your past, before you knew him, now are tied with him anyway. So, in a moment everything is ready, you go to pay and don't waiting even the rest. You run to the airport, hoping to catch the first flight back home, in other words go back to him, for start again and you want to see where things go between you two, without any certainty that everything can be fixed, but in the end, it's worth to suffer to feel at least a little bit fine.

And you're in luck, because you can make the ticket and pass the checks in advance. But you should never believe that you make it through, until you actually haven't achieved what you hope. Italians have a saying about this and Rossi once did cite it: Don't say cat if you don't have it in the sack; the means it's similar a Until you catch the chicken, you don't have the chicken. You should apply this philosophy, not to automatically assume that you succeeded it.

Strong winds prevent the planes leaving and also arrivals are transferred to other areas. It was not expected anything like this, or maybe yes, but you didn't know because you haven't looked almost never the television, let alone a newscast. And so, you can't do anything but wait, lie in wait and pray it's not too late. Because Luke might get tired of you and your crazy exits, your ups and downs and he could decide that maybe going away you did him a favor.

Then finally the plane takes off and then lands. Throughout the flight you can just count how long missing at the moment X and repeat what you have to say to him, imagining his reactions. But all this only serves to pass the time, because like when you simulated exams with your colleagues, when you're sitting in front of the professor any hypothesis proves futile.

You just look for a taxi, find it, you shout at the driver the address and he understand that you have hurry. Get down, leaving a big tip to him. You don't care about the money. Only outside the front of the door of your home, you realize that it's late-night. You close your eyes. Stick your hand into the pocket; fingers huddle around a small metal object. You extract it and its surface reflects the moonlight.

This is the litmus test. If he would have change the lock, then you would know that there is nothing salvageable and then you would run to looking for a divorce lawyer, to make it less painful and prolonged the situation.

You take a breath and put your key into the lock.

#garvez #penelope garcia #luke alvez #penelope x luke #luke x penelope #garcia x alvez #alvez x garcia #meteorology #criminal minds #cm

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kindafooey · 8 years ago

Note

20, 36, 38, 63, 81

Omg, so many! Aaa thank you for your interest, I’m flattered >v< Lemme see:

20. Are you religious? Oh yes, deeply HAHAHA okay so. Do I have a religion? No. Do I have values and ideals that I firmly choose to believe in to an extent that could be referred to as religious? Yes. If there was a community that had similar beliefs and wanted to gather and interact based solely on those shared values, would I be willing to join? OH FUCK NO. I WOULD RUN LIKE HELL AND NEVER RETURN. I like to keep these things to a personal devotion.

36. Favorite clean word? Gosh, there are so many! Off the top of my head, I really like “scrumptious” and “outstanding”. :D

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? Around two and a half days, I think. Two consecutive nights of euphoria-induced insomnia in July 15-17, 2010. I passed out somewhere mid-17th. I was a complete basket case at that point, I was just crying of exhaustion with the biggest, happiest smile on my face. It was crazy. XD

63. Biggest fear?Big question! Uh, leaving the obvious “something happens to my friends/family” or “I have to witness a war in my lifetime” aside... I guess my most deep-rooted fear is a scenario where I succeed in building something I could refer to as my life’s work (as pathetic as that sounds, I know), but it would be misinterpreted, taken out of context and used to justify ideas that are harmful or downright evil. I aim pretty high, and the higher it gets, the more abstract things become. And abstract ideas are so damn easy to twist and misuse. (Also, you’ve just more or less read a summary of an original story I might write in the distant future, if I ever get there. ‘:D)

81. Can you roll your Rs?Oh boy, can I! I’m a Finn, yo! Finnish has pretty much the most rolling R’s on this planet. We sound like drunk tigers. You know the stereotypical Japanese thug accent? That gives you a pretty good idea. :D Well, to be fair it’s a bit softer up North where I come from, but still. XD

#ask meme #not gf #Anonymous

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ruffoverthinksthings · 8 years ago

Note

Audrey and CJ that is defiantly an interesting choice but might also work. Like Cheddie. Any other ships do you think would work?

TRUE STORY, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE LESS THAN A PAGE JUST TO ILLUSTRATE MY POINT THAT I CAN MAKE A SHIP OUT OF ANYTHING. NOW IT’S 3,000 WORDS, AND I CUT OUT THE PARODY/DUET SONG BECAUSE I COULDN’T MODIFY THE LYRICS, OR BE BOTHERED BECAUSE IT’S LATE

@saveshootingstar

Justask, and I’ll probably find some way to justify or explain it. Oncewe finally see the new VKs in action (Gil and Harry especially),we’ll probably see quite a lot of new ships and fics, headcanonportrayals aside.

If you want an example, I could actually see Jane and CJ workingout, the start of it being Fairy Godmother pairing the two up to tryand give CJ a good example to mirror… and someone with her at alltimes who knows how to physically restrain her, never needs to sleepor take bathroom break so she can watch her 24/7, and kick her ass,if need be.

(Jane has a LOT of spare time to learn all manner of skills—herfighting skills are a largely a matter of mind sabotaging body.)

The relationship obviously starts off rocky, what with CJ causingno shortage of (minor) trouble and (petty) crimes because she can,and her being proud of one of Jane’s biggest failures: her stealingthe wand at Ben’s Coronation and accidentally freeing Maleficent.

The two of them quickly start to bond when CJ relents with thecrime and teaches Jane how to be more free and assertive (becauseseeing her get used like a doormat is painful, especially becauseshe’s not the one taking advantage of her), bonding with theirfears and feeling like they’ll never live up to their famousparent’s legacy (”Only room for one Pirate King or Queen in allthe seas, I’m afraid.”), and of course, CJ discovering thatthere’s still a rebellious side to Jane, most of their activitiescentred around hanging out with the “Merry Men and Maidens,”children of the “Gray” people of Auradon who skateboard, rock,and engage in “technically legal mischief” like urban explorationand parkour.

Though CJ does legitimately have fun with Jane, I’d be lying ifher starting a relationship with her was just for the sake of it. Iwouldn’t put it past CJ to want to see if she can “corrupt”Jane and make her fall in love with her just because she can, likeshe did with the other girls at Frollo’s ill-fated convent beforeshe set it on fire. (See: God Loves You, Part 2)

She succeeds, mostly because Jane is new to relationships, she hasinsecurity issues that CJ plays with like a fiddle, andunfortunately, Fairy Empathy can’t tell WHY someone is so happythat you’ve said “Yes” to a date with them.

The other VKs warn her, but Jane largely ignores them, thinking toherself that CJ could change like they have, and because she haspersonally seen CJ slowly becoming able to integrate with society, ifjust with the MMnM.

Claudine is particularly vocal about this: “She set my house on firewhile I was still in it!”

She still spends her nights as she always does: ruminating,thinking paranoid thoughts, dissecting what the others have said toher to absurd levels of detail, what with being able to rememberexactly what they said, the tone, and the body language.

But just this once, she ignores all the warning signs, decides togive CJ a chance, because what’s what you do with the VKs: youassume the best of them, that they won’t revert back to their oldways, because treating them like criminals is the fastest way to makethem so.

All of this falls apart when Jane overhears a conversation at theMnMM’s Auradon City “hideout,” an abandoned warehouse in theindustrial park at Marigold Street. CJ gets into conversation withsome of the other rebels, and when the topic of their beingpleasantly surprised that someone like CJ could fall in love withsomeone like Jane, she finally admits she’s just toying with her.

“My evilness, she’s so desperate shepractically wrapped herself around my finger!” she says,before she laughs it off.

The other MMnM’s don’t laugh and scowl at her, and several ofthem start slowly backing away as Jane rounds the corner andslowly creeps up behind CJ.

Keenly aware of the signs that Something Terrible Is Right BehindYou, CJ turns around and sees Jane. “Oh, there you are, love!”she says nervously. “… Didn’t hear you coming…”

“I step very lightly,” Jane says, her eyes and her handsglowing with magic.

CJ has pestered and bullied Jane to show her some spells because“What good is being a full Faerie if you don’t ever use yourmagic?” She’s cajoled her from everything to a simple glow orbspell, to a prank or something to lighten up someone’s day, or evenincantations she’s lifted from Mal’s spell book when she gets tostealing it every once in a while.

And it is in that moment that CJ regrets all of that as Jane castsa Silence Curse on her.

(No incantation, sorry; it’s late and rhymes are hard.)

For as long as the curse is active, CJ can only make grunts andsighs, unintelligible gibberish, and hum, so the only real way forher to communicate with others is through the use of body language,facial expressions, and a whiteboard she has to carry around herneck.

(Before you ask: her phone was taken away from her as punishment,and if she actually needs anything important, it can be routedthrough Jane’s phone.)

CJ pleads and begs with Jane to undo it, but the normally warm andfriendly Jane is suddenly cold and hostile, acting completelyprofessional with her and communicating with the barest amount ofwords and interaction possible.

She attempts to say sorry, but Jane’s Fairy Empathy lets herfeel whether CJ is truly sorry, or just desperately trying to get thecurse off.

She tries alternative avenues, but Jordan she doesn’t grantwishes, and even if she did, “You gotta say it out loud, or havesomeone who will—sucks, I know;” Mal refuses for all the timesthat she’s “borrowed” her spell book; and Ben, Fairy Godmother,and the rest of the Faeries are actually quite proud of Janefor doing a well-timed-and-crafted curse to teach her a lesson, as istradition.

CJ tries to live the rest of her life with her curse, figuringthat she’s survived on the Isle and found a way, she can do itagain in Auradon. Unfortunately for her:

The VKs and the AKs are firmly on Jane’s side, and the formermakes a point to misinterpret all of her attempts at communication toannoy her and make things unnecessarily difficult (and entertaining);

The MMnM’s shun her for breaking their code, the one thatforbids ever “Playing your fellow Men and Maidens like fiddles.”,and she is completely shunned by the only friends and companionsshe’s had in Auradon (“Zevon doesn’t count,” she writes); and

She keeps running out of whiteboard space and marker ink at theworst possible times, and don’t get her started on when itrains

Life becomes miserable for CJ—even more so than on the Isle,because at least there, that was the standard, not the low you fellto after having a pretty good life that you personally blasteda hole in and sank to the bottom of the ocean.

In desperation, she tries to her the rowboat she used to smuggleZevon from the Isle (it was from a rental place for scenic rowboatdates and fishing trips), hoping that the power of the anti-magicbarrier will undo the curse.

Since her plan in Auradon failed so badly, she thought she mightcut her losses and return to her old Crew back on the Isle.

Unfortunately, this is nearly impossible to do when thestaff are already aware that you’re a boat thief and have taken theappropriate security measures (actually chaining their boats to thedock, and having someone watch the camera at night), and you can’tfast-talk anyone out of suspicion—she can only write so quickly,and there’s only so much space on her whiteboard.

And though CJ has several strokes of dumb luck and chancethat actually let her take a rowboat out to the water, she finds outit was all actually a setup as Jane was waiting under a tarp at theback of the boat.

CJ lets out a yelp and drops the oars.

Jane stretches the kinks out, before she sits down and faces her.“CJ,” she says.

CJ picks up her board, and uncaps her marker. “Jane,” shewrites.

“I suppose you’re wondering how I knew you were going to tryand escape back to the Isle…” Jane says.

CJ nods as she erases her board. “How did you know?”

“I could tell you were homesick and desperate,” Jane replies.“It was the same way with any of the other VKs when they havereally bad days.”

CJ nods.

Jane’s expression softens. “Do you really want to do this, CJ?Go back to the Isle?”

CJ sighs heavily as she erases and starts scribbling again. “Whatchoice do I have?”

“You could apologize, for one!” Jane said.

CJ blinks. Erase, write. “Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously,” Jane said. “It’s why ‘Sorry, I’llmake up for it’ was invented—humans like you are inevitably goingto screw up, but they say that to let others it wasn’t intentional,and more importantly, that they feel bad enough to do something aboutit.”

CJ slowly erases her board. She bites her lip for a moment, beforeshe slowly writes: “I don’t really do sorry, Jane…”

“Well can’t you at least try?!” Jane cries, her eyesglowing with magic again.

CJ raises her whiteboard up like a shield. She quickly, messilyerases the words, until all that’s left is “sorry” give or takea few smudges.

Jane sighs, and relaxes. “Okay, that’s a start. How about youtry and make it more sincere?”

CJ cleans up her whiteboard. She writes, “How? Like, seriously,how? VK here” she writes, with an arrow pointing to her face.

Jane thinks of telling her to look back at what little sheretained from Remedial Goodness, before she sighs, and says, “Sayyou’re sorry, along with what you did, and what you’re going todo about it. Here, I’ll help,” she says as she raises her hand,and twiddles her fingers.

Magic surges from Jane’s hand and into CJ’s neck. She tensesup and whimpers as she feels it seep into her skin, and go down herthroat like the realm’s coolest, mintiest menthol drop. She picksup her board, and writes,

“WTF did you do to me now?!”

“I gave you back your voice,” Jane said.

“Holy shit, really?” CJ asks. She blinks. “Holy shit.Holy fucking shit cunt balls motherfucking fucking-fuckity-fuck—Ican talk again!” she throws her hands up into the air. “WOO!”

Jane stares at her.

“Hah, yeah…” CJ mutters. “Really pent up in the cursedepartment! Speaking of pent-up–” she stands up, snaps herwhiteboard in half on her knee, before she tosses it and her markersinto the ocean.

Splash.

Jane watches the snapped halves and the pens slowly sink beneaththe water and out of sight, even for her enhanced Fae vision. “…I’m just going to ignore your littering and polluting the ocean,and just let you try and apologize, alright…?”

CJ’s good mood quickly fades. “Oh, ah! Right! I was…supposed to say, ah, the s-word, right?”

“You’re supposed to start with that, yeah…” Janemutters as she crosses her eyes, and gives CJ her “cold” lookagain.

CJ instinctively flinches, before she sheepishly looks away, andtakes a deep breath. “Look, Jane… I’m s-sss…” Her facestarts to contort with strain. “I’m s-soo… s-sss… s-sorry.”

“Could you please try to look at me when you say that?” Janeasks. “You can just say ‘Sorry’ now.”

CJ looks at her, and says, “Sorry.”

Jane smiles. “There? Now was that so hard?”

“YES!” CJ cried.“Evilness, it feels so WEIRD!”

“Is that really such a bad thing?” Jane asks. “Seasalt icecream was weird to you when we first had it, now you don’t orderanything else.”

“It’s made out of salt, from the sea,” CJ mutters. “Ithought it was going to be like eating frozen seawater.”

“But it wasn’t. It was delicious, wasn’t it?”

“Twas… what are you getting at, by the way? Because now I’mgetting hungry for seasalt ice cream, and we’ve just got plain oldseawater for miles, and no freezers in sight.”

“What I’m getting at is just because something is weird or newdoesn’t mean it’s bad, maybe it just means that you needtime to get used to it!” Jane cries. “You can say ‘Sorry,’CJ—you can be sorry, and you can make up for theawful things yo do.”

CJ looks away and mumbles something under her breath. With her Faehearing, Jane catches it: “Pirates don’t apologize; they raid,they pillage, they plunder, but they never, ever apologize.”

“But do you have to be a pirate…?”

CJ scowls at Jane. “Jane, I’m the daughter of CaptainHook–”

“And Mal is the daughter of Maleficent, but look at where sheand the others are now!” Jane cries. “Just because you were bornfrom an evil tree doesn’t make you a bad apple!”

“But I’m not like them—any ofthem!” CJ cries asshe throws her arms out. “Look at me! I’m damaged goods! I’mwaterlogged, corroded by sea-air, and the crew members accidentallypeed on me sometimes when they were too fucking wasted from all thegrog!” she screams.

Then, she looks away, tucks her legs underneath her, and crossesher arms over her chest.

For the first time since she’s known her, CJ doesn’t lookconfident or proud; now she just looks tiny, scared, and the feelingsJane is picking up from her confirm that.

It’s silent for a while as the two of them bob in the ocean, twogirls in a rowboat in the middle of nowhere.

“Jane…” CJ mutters.

“Hmm?”

“Why… why did you think I was being totally honest with you,when I said I loved you?”

Jane sighed. “Fairy Empathy. I could tell you reallywanted me to say yes. I could tell you really wanted me. LikeI was worth more than all the treasures you have ever pillaged inyour entire life. You made me feel special, CJ—like I wassomeone people would actually want.

“… But then it turns out, you only wanted to steal my heartjust to prove that you could.”

She looks at CJ, her eyes watering, her mouth curled into a scowl.“Finding out that it was all a game to you, and only because Ioverheard you bragging about it to the others hurt, CJ. Itreally fucking hurt. Do you have any idea what it feelslike, to think that finally, somebody loves you for you?

“That someone finally sees you as a person and not athing they can use to get what they want, and they it all turns outto be bullshit again?!”

CJ looks away. “No… but I do know what it’s like to realizeyou’re permanently second-fiddle to the girl you love, soyou do stupid shit like steal the only silver she has in the house,then set it on fire because you were so pissed she’d choose her oldfart of a father over you.”

She groans and looks back at Jane. “Look, Jane: my love life’sbeen nothing but fucked up and messed up since I started havingcrushes, let alone girlfriends and boyfriends! I’m a pirate:I’m doomed to have one-off flings with nothing to remembermy lovers by except a kid left at my doorstep one day—or theirripped panties in my case, I suppose!

“I can’t be what you Auradonians want to love—someone who’snormal, who’s not damaged, who can actually get this shit right!”

Jane reaches forward and gently takes her hands. CJ flinches, butdoesn’t pull away. “Do you want to find out if we can make itwork anyhow…?” she asks quietly.

CJ finds herself speechless once more, this time without the helpof a curse. “… What do you see in me, Jane?”

Jane smiles. “I see someone who gets into a lot of trouble anddoes a lot of bad things, but who I like hanging out with anywaybecause she makes life so interesting.

“I see someone who’s broken and damaged like me, but shedidn’t let that stop her from being confident and proud and doingwhatever the fuck it is she likes and getting what shewants.

“I see someone who I want to be, or failing that, just be with,because for all her rough edges, and the fact that her breath smellslike cheap booze all the time, made me smile, made me feel special,made me feel loved.

“And someone who, by the way, made me voluntarily spendseveral hours out of my day investigating and orchestrating a grandmaster plan to catch you when you try to row back to the Isle.”

CJ stare at her for a long while, feeling the magical warmth fromJane’s hands seep into her skin. “… You’re a strange one,Jane.”

“I’m a Faerie, I’m inherently strange to mortals likeyou.”

CJ pauses. “You do realize making this work is going to take ahellaciously large amount of work, yes?”

Jane nods. “I’ve got the time, and I don’t need sleep, norbathroom breaks.”

CJ’s lip quivers. “… And this could all still run agroundand sink for good, you realize that, right?”

“Well at least I can say that I tried.”

CJ pauses. “… You’re willing to do this… all of this…just for me…?”

Jane nods. “Yes. I’m not sure if it’s because I really dolove you, or I’m just desperate… but I know I want to find outwhich is which.”

CJ’s lip quivers as her eyes moisten. The emotions pouring outfrom her and into Jane, she can only describe as “warm and fuzzy.”

“F-Fuck!” CJ cries as tears stream down her cheeks. “W-Whatis happening to me…?”

“It’s called ‘Feeling Loved,’ CJ,” Jane replies calmly.“Does it feel weird?” she asks as she reaches up and wipes thetears from her eyes.

CJ sniffed, feeling her cheeks burn red. “Yes…”

It was a weird she could see herself getting used to, though.

#Descendants #Disney #headcanon

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jaewil25-blog · 8 years ago

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Team Visionaires' Message - Trust Yourself

TRUST IN YOURSELF. Realize you have to grow into that person you want to model. You have to know you are beautiful and you need time to blossom. Some people will assist you, while others will degrade you. Just know who you want to model and be the best YOU you can be…. The biggest obstacle you may come across is the business. Business has everything to do with building relationship on superior foundations – meaning you and your colleagues/constituents must consistently be on the same wavelength concerning profitable business practices…. Through this process, you may come across another uncomfortable situation – which is mixing family and business. Family’s inevitable input and nurturing nature have unforeseen behaviors that CAN BE detrimental to growing any business you may construct. On the other hand, if one of your family members has a particular talent for something you may want to employ, it’s perfectly fine to discuss going into business together so it’s mutual accountability involved….

Fight The Forces Of Evil

It’s important to stay humble with opportunities presented. Later you will find, powerful people adoring your talents/powers only with an alternative motive behind their considerable generosity. The leagues of deception will figuratively gift wrap your present with everything you desire like monetary power, fame, conditional resources, to only use you & your talents to then extract you from their circles later on. You must recognize their fraudulent agendas through asking questions involving the safety of the universe – meaning your customers, staff, and team members; NOT the safety of your own well being. You’ll be surprised how quickly they’ll turn their cheeks and wish you bad luck. You’ll be able to tell if they’re hiding something when you start to concern yourself with love, prosperity, and longevity because they’re sentence structures will be distorted; defending themselves with counterproductive statements. They will try and confuse you into verbal agreements. Just know who you are, trust in your integrity, and walk away…. Remember where you came from, a place of desolates and corruption with negative ideas that creatively is used to violently spread fear – a place where positivism is exiled and dared to never surface again. A place where drugs, alcohol, and tobacco poisons the mind and ages the body. A place you don’t want to go back to….

Choose Your Inner Circle VERY Wisely

Friends will get you through bad times and friends will embrace the good times, but friends will not live your life for you. You must choose your friends wisely and don’t mistake temporarily popularity with genuine loyalty. In this world we live in, you can NOT TRUST ANYBODY! Only trust yourself to make the right decision to surround yourself with loyal inner circles. People who will add value to your vision. People who share the same passion for their craft as you do for yours. People who’ll uplift you when times become dim & lonely, but before you can surround yourself with these type of people, you MUST trust yourself. Trust starts with self because if something was to treacherously occur, you are the only one left to make it better. If you give up on yourself, expect your surroundings to give up on you….

The Fundamental Difference Between Love & Lust

Love – an emotional state of mind which causes all rational thinking to cease. It’s severely difficult to love something/someone/somewhere without completely cutting off all logically thought. What you think is love you’ll find out is truly NOT. That’s why love can’t be taught. It’s a feeling or deep desire for something greater than what actually makes sense. Some people associate themselves with learning new skills, feeling good, and enjoying time with family while others just love making money. Money makes them love themselves even more than before. They ACTUALLY don’t know that money isn’t an unconditional feeling, therefore, it can’t be love associated with money. It’s your lust for money which imprisons your soul into a life of damnation. Lust is an emotional state of physics which causes the brain to simultaneously crave feeling and thought. For example, you love your family without thinking about it; loving your family is unconditional. You’ll never lust your family because it’s completely unethical. You lust your spouse, counterpart, or significant other because you’re addicted to the thought of feeling loved. You lust money because money can make you think of ways to create or manipulate, as well as, money can make you feeling unrealistically powerful. Lust will always be controlled by demonic forces; they can possess you to do tragic things. People kill for lust. People hurt for lust. People even live to lust & lust to live. One of the most misinterpreted life milestones that lust gets in the way of is marriage.

Marriage

Marriage is nothing more than a LEGAL contract between you and your partner that’s mediated by the state courts. Marriage has very little to do with love and has nothing to do with lust, but everything to do with communication & compromise. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you both are willing to INVEST (time, energy, and effort) in fully committing to the proposed marriage contracts. Young people foolishly mistake love for marriage because they’ve been raised to follow traditional marriage practices which are suitably convenient for the parents. Marriage is nothing like it was in the early to mid-20th Century. The Baby Boomer era – people born from 1940 to 1970 – were people who had NO CHOICE but to raise a family in a traditional marriage setting. Now, in the 21st Century, people have a vary of choices when it comes to parenthood and when it comes to marriage. More and more people are loving their smartphones over their time spent at the dinner table. More people are loving their computers/tablets more than they love playing outside. Finally, more and more people are lusting Internet porn than having actual sex with their partners. So, today marriage is harder to maintain due to the constant distractions in society. All I’m saying about marriage is….Please, make sure your partner is REALLY A LIFE PARTNER, otherwise, excommunication will become the virus that will indirectly void the contract until divorce finalizes it….

The Newest Business Priority – Multicultural Intelligence

The newest most intuitive survival technique is adopting a multicultural intelligence. Being multilingual is the new 21st Century priority; it’ll increase your self-worth by 100% per language . Being able to speak only your native language is no longer acceptable especially if you’re traveling the world or interacting with different nationalities. In today’s world, in order to build successful business relationships, you must learn how to communicate with each and every person in your inner circle speaking their native language. This is quickest, most effective way to get a customer, prospect, or colleague to communicate his/her core concerns. Try your best to learn not just by sitting around taking test and courses, but by interacting and engaging with the very culture you want to learn. It’s merely our duty, as human beings, to embrace our cultural indifference and learn how to bring our visions together learning and teaching our native languages to others, therefore, sharing our gifts to mankind….

In conclusion

Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read my philosophical breakdown of current society and how you only have the power to change your life & surrounding environments. I have a deeply rooted passion for helping people make sense of the “bullshit” in the world, so I’ve devoted my time to write this inspiring post – I hope you’ve gotten value from it. I’ve invested time into my practice without the need of credible sources meaning I don’t have any special degrees or accreditation, just experience. I’ve invested energy into learning the universe and how people interact with one another. I was fascinated with how humans’ innovative spirit can produce groundbreaking technologies that stemmed from elemental compounds of protons, neutrons, and electrons. Lastly, I’ve invested effort into perfecting my practice so I can deliver quality & value through the products I create in the future. I only ask of one thing… I would like to see your comments and share them with whomever you feel would truly benefit from it. If you like, I’ve also invested money into learning how to increase my self-worth by surrounding myself with people from all walks of life; teaching their experiences through duplicated systems. I’m inviting you to become a part of my team called Team Visionaires NOT “visionaries”; like instead of millionaires/billionaires – it’s Team Vision-Aires. To You & Your Team’s Success,

Jae Double R aka Abstruse Alkemist

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tigerwriter · 8 years ago

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Cai! And then feel free to answer for anyone else, it was really hard to choose.

Full Name: Cai ShaharGender and Sexuality: Male, and straight...I think? I could also see him being demisexual.Pronouns: He/himEthnicity/Species: Human. His ethnicity, though, is totally up in the air. I initially headcanoned he might have some Kinean in him, because that was the only place we seemed to have similar skin/hairtones for a while. But now there’re a bunch of other places where those could come from, so who knows, really? XPBirthplace and Birthdate: Seguier, Courdon, October 14th, 1281. He celebrates his birthday on August 22nd because he doesn’t actually know his birthdate, and even made just a lucky guess on the year.

Guilty PleasuresHmm...I don’t know about guilty pleasures, though I guess I could see him liking trying different kinds of foods, and that wouldn’t be something he really shares (because Cai’s bad at sharing things).

FearsLike most of my character’s Cai’s afraid of losing the people he cares about. Fun stuff \ o / He’s also definitely afraid of somehow being recognized and hauled back to Courdon; it’s not always an entirely logical fear, and he often knows that, but that doesn’t stop it from showing up.When he and Ophee’s relationship gets more serious, I imagine he has some - also not entirely logical - fears about the burns and scarring from his slave years bothering Ophelia, but dude your face is a worse mess and she likes you already. What a doof. I imagine they resolve this fairly quickly.

What They Would Be Famous ForHmm, I dunno - he’s not the only slave who’s escaped and done cool stuff, and he’s hardly the only good fireknight, but uh. If he was famous for anything, it would be one of those two, probably.

What They Would Get Arrested ForRunning away from the Armels? =D

OC You Ship Them WithNot my OC, but his canon girlfriend Ophelia!

OC Most Likely To Murder ThemValerian Armel for sure would want Cai dead if he knew he was still alive. Luckily I imagine he never finds that out.

Favorite Movie/Book GenreProbably likes a “good guys overthrowing an evil regime” plot. Animal stories are probably something he likes, too. So long as his least favorite cliche isn’t involved...

Least Favorite Movie/Book ClicheDon’t kill the animals in the animal stories! DDD8

Talents and/or PowersReally good with animals; animals seem to like him and he’s actually pretty decent at reading their body language, which helps. He has some conditioning to high heat from growing up in an iron refinery, which is helpful for a fireknight. He’s been trained as a fireknight and so has the expected weapons, combat, and phoenix-riding training one would expect. Bilingual, speaks both Low Courdonian and Kythian fluently.

Why Someone Might Love Them Dude’s been through a lot and never quite broke. He’s a loyal and competent knight, and always keeps a level head. While it can take a while for him to reveal it, and/or for others to learn to read it, Cai really does feel a lot of love for the people (and animals) he’s come to care about. He’s compassionate and wants to help people. Pretty eyes and some nice muscles don’t hurt either

Why Someone Might Hate ThemCai could soooo easily be misinterpreted as being a jerk because he’s so damn reserved so much of the time. There’s also the whole escaped slave who became a knight thing that some High Courdonians might not be fond of. Probably the bandits and such Cai’s fought and captured/murderated aren’t really his biggest fans, either.

How They ChangeCai’s...pretty stoic and srs all his life, really. He learns some self-confidence through his knight-training. Later on, he changes by opening up a little more, especially to Ophelia.

Why You Love ThemI really enjoyed making Cai have different hangups and issues from his years as a slave than had already been explored - emotional lockdown, scars he can’t hide, paranoia about people finding out where he came from… His knightly scenes are a lot of fun to write as well. Phoenix-riding knights yeah!

#gelquie #tiger replies #my characters #oc: cai shahr #ntwf medieval

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