#minute later update: posting this made my data completely go out so maybe that’s a sign of something

[veloriium]

kinning for me was just advanced roleplaying that deeply messed with psyche

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Lovebug (8/12)

Summary:  

“It might be a bug.”

“A bug?”

“Sometimes the developers of this application make mistakes. This is our first time meeting I’m sure so…Isn’t it a bit weird that we just met for the first time and it rings like this? And for two strangers to coincidentally ring each other’s alarms?“

Levi is the developer of the Love Alarm App and Hange is married to Zeke.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Notes: Feedback is very much appreciated :D

Levi put a hard deadline for Wednesday

“Wednesday” he said it again because he couldn’t be too certain how he said it the first time. He was conscious if he were too stiff, it might almost seem awkward. If he were too relaxed, maybe the urgency wouldn’t get across.

The challenge was finding the balance and when his team nodded, their faces unchanging, he realized it had been an easy task. They had gone through that same pattern before, especially before a large-scale quality assurance test, a recalibration of the application.

And the one on Monday was much larger, covering not just fifty volunteers, maybe even hundreds. When it was Zeke’s own connections that had managed to get that many volunteers, they couldn’t afford to delay it.

Levi cleared his throat and continued. “All fixes should be completed by Wednesday. All QA and regression tests by Friday,” Levi added. “The large scale QA test will be happening on Monday. No negotiations. No chances of rescheduling. ”

Aside from the number of volunteers, that QA test should not be anything different. Nothing much changed except perhaps the fact that Levi was in a constant state of compartmentalizing. He was working partly with outsourced labor to complete the code and to make sure someone was testing their new application. He was also working with his own team to make sure they were still addressing issues and realising fixes for the love alarm.

He liked the busy-ness, the need to be constantly thinking about work. Sometimes though, there were more distracting prospects that forced their way into his limited brainspace. And for some reason, his brain space was so willing to accommodate it.

More specifically, to accommodate her. Well, he had no choice anyway. After all, it was her application. It was his brain child but by extension, it was her and Zeke’s property.

He was constantly in a state of stress and Hange’s presence only made things more stressful. But somehow, his brain demanded he forced that extra piece of information, that piece of responsibility, that piece of Hange somewhere in his brain.

Just like he couldn’t say no to Zeke and Hange, he couldn’t say no to the manifestations of his own mind.

She never gave him a chance to say no. After all, she liked working in his office. She had made herself at home on the desk next to him and everyday he was reminded of that extra compartment his brain had created just for him.

All he had to do was enter the room and enjoy the view of her hunched over her laptop like she always was.

First thing in the morning, she was there. After meetings and standups with his team, he would go back to his office like always, and she was there.

That time, all test devices were lined on the desk, the whiteboard that only that morning had been covered with scribbles was replaced with something a little more coherent.

“You’re testing?” Levi sat next to her, counting ten devices before deciding it would be a waste of time to count further. He looked back up at her.

Hange nodded. “You updated the build last Friday right?”

“Just some fixes,” Levi said. The fixes came slowly, with more data being added, with the algorithm being tested here and there. It was still far from perfect though. He scanned the whiteboard just to get an inkling of her own progress. “How many pseudo emails do you have?” He could have counted it himself but once again, he gave up after ten.

“Enough to test on this many devices,” Hange said.

He read them out loud, taking note of the checkmarks..

Wingsoffreedom123

Wingsoffreedom213

Wingsoffreedom231

Wingsoffreedom321

Wingsoffreedom312

Wingsoffreedom132

“Creative,” Levi commented.

“Look, I just need a bunch of emails that are easy to remember so might as well stick to the same combination,” Hange said. “ You get it, Humanity’s strongest?”

Levi cringed inwardly. He should really go around changing that name. “Do you actually use those emails?” He asked.

“Sometimes, when applying for free trials, when making more than one account in websites.” Hange said. “I like keeping my own consumption patterns not connected to ‘Hange Zoe,’ if you know what I mean.”

“At least you’re able to make use of those emails for testing.” Levi pulled his chair a little closer to her and looked over her shoulder. “Is it working better?”

“It rings,” Hange said. “The last five times I tested, they said I was happy.” She chose that moment to click ‘activate’ on the next alarm. As expected, it rang again, the words ‘happy” flashed in the middle of the screen with an ugly smiley face in Arial font right under it.

It was a blatantly horrible sign that maybe they had spent a little too much time on the back end. Front end and user interface could be fixed a little later anyway, Levi reminded himself. He brought out his own test device and pressed the activate button.

The word ‘happy’ flashed across the screen. “Looks like they fixed a lot of the kinks,” Levi said.

“Are you happy?” Hange asked.

Those types of questions were the ones that had him a little more self aware. He didn’t answer immediately, instead, he left his natural instincts speak for themselves. A smile threatened to creep up his lips overwhelming the small part of him that wanted to push it down into something more subtle.

“Levi, are you happy?” Hange pressed, a hint of a laugh in her voice.

He was. He couldn't tell exactly why. Overall, it had seemed much easier, to just let the smile climb up his face so he gave it facility, freedom to move.

And soon, he didn’t regret it. Maybe because his own smile had been the reason Hange’s eyes got bigger before her features softened into something comfortable within a few seconds.

Before Levi could appreciate them a little more, her eyes suddenly narrowed, as if studying him. He noted all of it in her expression, the triumph, the victory lap in her expression, and the sneer particularly evident in her eyes.

He didn’t want her to win that little game they had for themselves. So he turned back, allowing time for the smile to fall into something less embarrassing. “Well, if the application says I’m happy, maybe I am.” He stood up again, holding his laptop to his side. “I’m going out for a break.”

***

Summer was ending soon.

And for Levi, the end was usually accompanied by the relief that he wouldn’t have to brave public transportation under the sweltering heat while dealing with an office dress code.

Strangely, he also found himself a little melancholic as he noted that red leaves were starting to sprout more frequently among the branches. He considered it almost an obligation to take a walk twice or thrice a week, especially during those last few weeks.

He would sit on one of the benches by the garden. To save time, he would bring his laptop every single time and he would always allow himself short in-betweens to enjoy his surroundings after long minutes of staring at the screen.

Like always, the trees were above him and the flowers were in front of him. When he looked down, he even enjoyed the grass and the cobblestone lined paths.

“You take the same route every time.”

Levi looked up, an instinctive reaction to that very familiar, almost intimate voice. “You followed me?”

“What if I wanted to take a walk too?” Hange asked.

“You're welcome to take a walk. I’m just gonna do some work here before going back inside,” Levi said. He looked back at the screen in front of him, trying to find something to make progress with as he monitored the workflow tracker.

Nothing much had changed or was expected to change, his own staff was probably on lunch break. He trusted them enough to be certain they would get most of their work done by Wednesday. And consequently, he was left with nothing much else to do but maybe take a lunch break too.

Hange sat right next to him on the bench and Levi pulled away, far enough to put a good few inches between them. “You’re going out more often now,” Hange said.

“I noticed I’ve been spending too much time indoors. I never really got to enjoy summer for what it was. We only get it three months a year.”

Hange gave him a knowing look. “And you only noticed it now? After living in this city your whole life?” She asked. “You’ve lived here your whole life right?”

“Yeah,” Levi said.

Hange shrugged. “You just never struck me as the type to enjoy weather, or nature in general. Back in the golf course, back in the ocean, you didn’t look like you wanted to be there,” she noted.

“Maybe it’s a recent thing,” Levi said. He kept it vague, not wanting to probe any complex topics when he was grappling with more important complex things.

Hange though, was a black hole of knowledge, a bundle overflowing with curiosity. “What makes it pretty? Why do you like taking walks?”

“Do we have to have a reason?”

“Well ever since I started to work closely with you, I started to notice something too,” Hange said. “You seem happier.”

“Maybe because Zeke is always busy.”

Hange snorted. “You really hate him don’t you?” She leaned a little closer. “And aren’t you at all nervous admitting it to me?” An overly playful demeanor accompanied such intimidating words. It was more laughable than terrifying.

Levi shook his head, unfazed. “I trust you wouldn’t tell him.”

“I wouldn’t,” she admitted. “I don’t blame you though.” She only had to give him an almost pitied look for him to read her mind.

He articulated it for her. “I never really recovered from those two all-nighters cramming an application.” That had been more than three months ago but the memory still burned as a faint memory of excruciating exhaustion and an unpleasant caffeine buzz that took weeks to brush off.

“You managed to impress the hospital admin at least. And we got the funds,” Hange said.

Does that make Zeke any more of an insufferable person? He had hoped to ask that with the face he gave Hange then, one eyebrow raised. If it didn’t send the message, he could easily say it out loud. That one pleasantry Zeke afforded him though that day in front of the convenience store echoed in his head. Even just coming up with an insult sent a wave of guilt through him.

A wave of guilt I don’t need to feel. Levi reminded himself, willing to recall the other instances the blond had been abrasive. Zeke was either a master manipulator or misunderstood. He was a billionaire though, so Levi decided to err on the side of ‘manipulator.’

“The funds go to the company, to the outsourcing activities and to server space,” Levi corrected.

“Don’t you have company shares?” Hange asked.

“A stock option,” Levi clarified. “Something I chose not to take. I’d rather get my money as is. I don’t trust myself to grow something of that much value.” He kept his answers vague, since he never did read the contract closely anyway, it was Erwin who went through the benefits with him.

“Well everyone else in the company who runs on stock options seems to trust you. Zeke’s own investment is riding on your own ability to make a good product...” My PhD dreams are riding on your product. Hange didn’t say that last part out loud but Levi heard it loud and clear.

“Well this pseudo love alarm project, it’s still far from perfect.” For emphasis, he opened up the new project entitled ‘emotion alarm project’ on his dashboard and slipped the laptop screen over to Hange. “Thirty percent done. We barely fixed the interface, just getting the required testing and data done is taking up a lot of resources.”

“I know that and I expected it,” Hange said. “You know, a PhD sometimes takes decades to complete and I’m ready to take that much time.”

“I just wanna manage your expectations. Besides, something about the testing still bothers me.”

“What about it?”

“Remember the first night I made the application?” He stifled a wince at the painful memory. “It didn’t ring… until you came in.”

“Maybe it was a bug?” Hange suggested. “It shouldn’t be too much of an issue right? Since you made a lot of improvements after.”

“I did,” Levi said.

“And it never happened again with the later builds.”

“It doesn’t but it works too much like the love alarm. Do you notice, it always rings when we’re nearby?”

“When we’ve already loaded millions worth of data points. When we’ve overseen that much testing with other people. I don’t think you have to think too hard about it. We just keep improving the application right? Same as the love alarm,” Hange explained.

“Maybe I’m just being cynical. It doesn’t work once and I can never trust it again,” Levi muttered as he scrolled through the tasks for the next release for the upteenth time since a while ago.

“I guess that’s what happens when you’re the one who came up with the project. You can never trust your own abilities to develop?"

"Or because I worked on it, at three in the morning, I tested it. I know how many shortcuts I took with it…" Levi trailed off as he started to focus a little more on the numbers, the titles on the task trackers.

"You know they did the research, the testing, if it works for them, if they have a good success rate, then maybe it works for us too? Maybe the app is right, we're happy when we’re next to each other. Sometimes we’re sad when we’re next to each other and sometimes we're angry. If this application is detecting moods like this… similarly to the love alarm, maybe it means we could--- "

"Get along?" Levi finished it for her. There were only so many things that code could mean anyway.

"Get along.... Or to get to know each other more." Hange said, her voice softer than a second ago. The smile took longer to leave her lips.

Hange though had always been good at composing herself but Levi had months to figure out patterns and trends in the way she navigated the more sensitive topics. He couldn't help but notice the heavy tension, even under the light summer breeze.

Those moments happened too often that Levi had prepared an escape route every time. Business talk. And they had a lot to talk about. "Hange, I wanna ask something about the front end," Levi scrolled back up, towards the top of the task trackers. Dealing with front end was a mammoth task, rifed with two many sub tasks but it was definitely one of the last priorities, if it was even a priority. Levi wasn’t the type to particularly mind releasing an application with a white background and an interface that used the very underwhelming Arial font.

But it was Hange and Zeke’s application.

"Ask away," Hange said.

It came easily after that. The ticket on his workflow tracker had an inkling of a script to follow. "What colors would you associate with emotions?" He asked.

"What?" Hange furrowed her brows.

Levi cleared his throat. Nevermind, it wasn't easy to come up with the question without a little more expounding. "Like would you say red is anger? Blue is sadness? Yellow is happiness?"

"Wait? Why?" Hange asked again. Her lips were curled up just a little higher.

"I'm thinking of the front end of the application. What colors do you see for each emotion?"

"Yellow for happiness," Hange answered easily.

"Not orange?" Levi challenged. He had opened up the task and started to take notes.

"Orange is way too angry for me."

"Red seems much angrier," Levi said

"Red is anger definitely but I'm not seeing bright red, I'm seeing something like orange."

Levi opened up a color wheel. " So this red?" Levi asked.

"No, bright reddish orange," Hange corrected. It may have been a coincidence or just a trick of convenience but a red leaf had fallen on her lap at that moment. Hange picked it up, and twirled it and held it in front of Levi like a token.

“So... autumn red?” Levi asked.

Hange dropped the leaf on his lap. “I guess.” She raised her eyebrow. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

Was he giving her a strange look? His mind sometimes formed opinions as he spoke and Hange had always been receptive anyway so he verbalized it, just for her. “When I’m angry, I see red,” Levi admitted.

“I haven't felt really angry in a while, so I wouldn’t know,” Hange said. “Maybe it changed.”

“Sadness?” Levi asked.

Hange turned to him questioningly. “Tell me yours first.”

“Grey,” Levi said automatically.

“Blue,” Hange said, as if it were the truest fact in the world.

A fact Levi was compelled to question. “Why blue?”

“Why not blue?”

“Blue doesn’t seem sad….”

“Why not?” Hange pressed.

“It seems…” Levi started, only realizing seconds later, he was unable to come up with the right words.

“Too nice?” Hange suggested.

“It’s a nice color. It makes me feel good just looking at it.” It was a pathetic response. With such a complex thought, to even force out of his mouth, he had to channel his inner child, through the most child-like attempts at articulation.

“Okay, I know it doesn’t feel good to be sad but.. don’t you think sadness is a beautiful feeling?” Hange asked.

“No.” It should have been a natural answer. Somehow, Levi felt like there was something else worth listening to.

Hange saw reason to continue at least. “You wouldn’t be feeling sad, if you never felt happy in the first place, if you’ve never felt desire or love. There are feelings much worse than being sad for sure.”

“Like what?”

“Not feeling at all maybe?” Hange surmised. “So maybe the strongest feelings, whether good or bad, are still nice… maybe something worth indulging.”

And it was turning into a philosophy lesson. How many hours had he wasted listening to Hange prattle on about emotions and concepts of love? They weren’t hours wasted for sure, but they did leave him feeling just a little sad at times. Once again, he went back to business talk. Levi looked back at his workflow tracker. “So ‘blue sad, yellow happy, red angry…”

“Do you really think sadness is grey?” Hange asked.

Levi looked up from his laptop and straight towards Hange. "Look, I don't think much about what color my emotions are…” He trailed off. He could have said more maybe. Speaking while reflecting turned out to be a daunting task at that moment.

Maybe sadness was grey. That had seemed like the most natural conclusion at first. He focused for a little longer on the view in front of him, the view of Hange and behind her the open grounds that made way for blue sky and the blue burned into his eyes, enough to make him feel something in his chest then down to his stomach. Before he knew it, he started to entertain Hange’s own idea.

When Hange looked back at him, the open sky behind her, he felt stinging at the back of his eyes, he let his face fall.

The color overall had been burning at first. The more he stared, the more he noticed its more lasting qualities. It turned out blue wasn’t burning, it was subdued, mild. At the same time, the clear endless shade of blue in the sky behind her did wonders to accentuate her features. Enough of a reminder to leave another twinge in his chest, that time it was slightly painful.

A twinge of sadness. Emotions may be difficult to comprehend but whatever clarity that washed over him then had been enough of a motivator to speak up. “I think you’re right, sadness is blue,” he said. A beautiful blue.

He found himself searching for the prettiest shades on the color wheel, looking back up at the sky, then to the yellow streaks from the sun that hit the pavement. He then turned his head towards the garden where red roses grew. From a distance, from above, they were supposed to form a heart.

“Yeah, red and yellow too. Red hurts, it’s glaring, Sometimes yellow is too bright but all together, they make the garden beautiful. Like this courtyard,” Hange said. She stretched her legs out onto the stony path just in front of the bench and shifted her weight to the palms of her hands.

“Yeah, it is.” Levi nodded.

“It’s colorful,” Hange said. “Bright reds, bright greens, bright blues, bright yellows. They’ll all only be here together until the end of summer.” She wrapped her arms around herself, a wistful smile on her face.

“You like summer?” Levi asked. “It’s fucking hot.”

“I like summer and spring. What can I say? I like seasons with a lot more variety of color,” she answered. “ I always get a little sad when summer ends. Surprisingly though, I’m sadder than usual about this summer ending.”

“Why?”

Hange shrugged. “I can’t even explain it for myself. It’s ridiculous that I’m this sad about summer ending. I usually get like this when I’m out of the city but I haven’t even been out in the countryside in a while but somehow, I’m already imaging the larger, wider landscapes up north. I’m imagining how quickly the trees go bald… Green then red then blue. And how quickly skies turn from blue to just a constant gray and when the lakes just freeze over, turning from blue to a more of black… It’s sad to imagine.”

“I can imagine it,” Levi said. He didn’t leave the city often since there wasn’t much spare funds to work with. He was capable of empathizing though, after all the twinge of sadness remained and it had been surprisingly easy to channel it elsewhere.

“There are places up north that have the most beautiful springs and summers but when the leaves change… everything dies much more quickly.” Hange lowered her head.

“Maybe one day, I’ll check it out,” Levi said. He found himself picturing the logistics of a trip already. Having never used his leaves, having built up disposable income through a lack of drive to even form a life outside work, he realized he did have leeway to indulge just a bit. Somehow, Hange’s own thoughts were enough to inspire.

“You haven’t been up north?” Hange gaped.

“I didn’t have much money growing up and there’s no reason to.”

“I should take you up north. You know, the gardens up there, the rolling hillsides. They remind me of Pemberley,” Hange said.

“Pemberley?”

“Pemberley! Mister Darcy’s estate.”

Levi groaned inward. That book again.

“Elizabeth visited towards the end of the book and there are a bunch of old houses around there and when I would walk on the fields, I like to pretend I’m in the book.”

“Relive your rags to riches fantasy?” Levi asked bitterly.

Hange pouted. “It’s not just that. Besides, I wasn’t poor, you know. My parents managed to pay tuition to a good college with no debt.”

Not as rich as Zeke definitely. The banter might just get out of control so Levi went with a conservative digression. “Maybe I’ll go there one weekend, up north before summer really ends.”

“Maybe, I’ll take you there myself,” She said, an excited grin on her face. “Maybe after this weekend or next year if we’re too late. I told Zeke about how I was feeling lately, so for my birthday, he promised he’ll take me up north so we’re going this weekend.”

Levi choked. “Wait, birthday? When’s your birthday?” It turned out to be a burning question, a small fact Levi felt obligated to know. So the answer couldn’t have come any slower.

When Hange opened her mouth ready to speak, the universe decided for them that it definitely could come a little later. His phone rang, breaking that brief silence, prolonging the painful anticipation.

Petra Ral. For some reason, he expected the worst when any of his subordinates called. He answered the phone. “Petra, is everything okay?”

“Sorry about calling. I tried texting you but you weren’t replying.” Petra went straight to the point soon after that. “Some of the members of the other project offered to help out with testing. Do we have enough phones?”

They did have enough test devices, the pile on Hange’s desk was enough proof of that. “Yes we do,” Levi said. They were all in his office. He turned to Hange questioningly. It was her blank face that reminded him, they’d have to look through the phones themselves to see what devices they could wipe.

“I’ll meet you by the office,” Levi said. “Hange and I are going back now.”

He hung up the phone and turned to Hange. “Petra is gonna borrow some of the test devices. You’re okay with that?”

“Sure, I’ll help you wipe them,” Hange said. “Are we going back now?” She seemed hesitant, a closer look and Levi could see a hint of disappointment.

He closed his laptop. “We have to get back to work right?”

“You never even stopped working,” Hange accused.

“I stopped long enough to listen to you ramble on about that damned book and your nice vacations.”

Hange walked on, seeming deep in thought. “Hey Levi… What do you think of Petra?” It was an abrupt digression.

“What about Petra?”

“Have you ever considered dating her?”

Levi stifled a choke, letting it out as a peaceful clearing of the throat. “Why are you asking that?”

Hange shrugged, as she walked ahead. . “Nothing, she seems like a nice person and she seems to like you… Besides, she rings your alarm.” She looked back at him, a playful grin on her face.

Levi sighed. That wasn’t a question he would have liked to broach.

“Well?” Hange pressed.

But maybe he could give some vague answer in exchange for some information. “I’ll tell you. If you tell me something."

"Tell you what?"

"What are your plans for your birthday?”

***

Levi was tricked, treated, bamboozled. Hange had a way with words, a way of just pushing the right buttons. It could have been that or it could have been a series of convenient circumstances and conversation topics that had Levi there, at the front of the mall after work with Petra right next to him.

On the bright side, he had Hange’s birthdate, her plans for that Friday all the way until the weekend. That was enough to satisfy his own curiosity. Over time though he realized, that was all it did.

Was it worth it?

Back when he and Hange had been discussing it, it seemed like a good exchange, she satisfied his curiosity, he satisfied hers. Hange had given her due information. In exchange, she received information on Petra, the long QAs, her alarm ringing, the amount of effort Petra put into her job and just the occasional present that made their way to his desk.

While Hange’s own information went so far as to give the name of the restaurant, the time and the route of their roadtrip, Levi’s own information evolved into something else. Before he even knew it, Hange had created a new agenda of her own.

Your love alarm would ring with Petra right?

It did. Of course, in front of the mall, surrounded by other people wasn’t the best place to test it. There was no reason to either. Ever since Petra joined them more than a year back, the love alarm had always rang and Petra had enough professionalism, enough of a handle on her own feelings to mark it as ‘accurate.’

Admirable? Definitely. Date worthy? Did he ever consider dating her long enough to deem her date worthy? ‘Maybe not’ to both questions.

Have you ever considered dating Petra?  Hange brought up that question during their conversation and Levi felt almost guilty for the straight up ‘no,’ and the shallow ‘she’s too young for my taste’ reason.

She could have been too young. Still, Hange seemed more like a counselor for that exchange and she made some good points.

Assuming the love alarm didn’t have a bug, and the reading was accurate… Hange first set her premise.

The premise could have been accurate. No, it definitely was. Petra’s own approach towards him only served to extinguish any doubts.

Levi and Petra settled for an early dinner at some restaurant towards the end of the mall. Not for the food, nor for the pricing but for the convenience of being able to sit down after the twenty minute walk and a long day up on their feet back in the office.

And Petra had been excited to sit down in front of him. She rushed ahead and slipped into the booth, even before Levi had slipped himself into the small gap between table and chair. He allowed himself enough focus to scan through the menu and digest the names of the dishes at least. He hadn't bothered to even spare a good look at the board outside nor what the hell the other customers were eating and thus, he was excruciatingly slow.

On top of that, he was exhausted from a day of work and most days, he wouldn’t have bothered to go on a date, not with a colleague at that.

It’s not a date. Levi reminded himself. He shouldn’t be dating subordinates. That was another source of stress at that moment.

A few times Levi looked up at the menu, making some ingenious excuse about how he couldn’t decide and how he needed some blank space to help clear his mind before he tried to decide again. Every single time he looked up, he had to internally make an excuse because Petra was staring right at him.

“Have you decided what you want to get?” Petra asked, her voice was a song. She propped her elbows on the table, a rude gesture in most places. She managed to subdue rudeness by propping her chin on top, a look of seemingly genuine interest in her face.

Seemingly. Who the hell was he kidding, she probably was genuine about it. If it wasn’t his own instinct that could be relied on, he could at least trust the love alarm that had rung with no fail since she joined the company in the first place.

“I’ll get the fried chicken meal.” Levi didn’t particularly like fried chicken. He had been a little too self conscious of how long he had stared at her and back at the menu, how long the awkward silence between them lasted and he soon realized, he had to order quickly, even if he didn’t know yet what else he was missing.

“You wanna get tea? We could share a pot,” Petra suggested as she put down her own menu.

Levi could have finished a pot on his own. He wasn’t telling her that though, especially not right after too many close encounters with what could have been inappropriate. “Sure.” Levi nodded a little faster, hoping that was enough to feign excitement.

The waiter came and went with the menus on hand and Petra started to ask questions, questions that were invasive enough that Levi had a hard time thinking two things at once.

They weren’t too personal. In fact, they weren’t about him anyway. Levi started to figure that for himself when he got his bearings. “What about Hange?” Levi asked. He was stalling, finding ways to untangle his hairball of thoughts.

“You were asking me right? About any advice on what to give Hange for her birthday?” Petra asked.

“Yes, I did.” Why did he forget?

Assuming the love alarm didn’t have a bug, and the reading was accurate, that means this ‘love’ between me and Zeke is one sided.

“Well, we could check out a few shops nearby. You could buy her something that could help her with organization. Diaries, bookmarks, pencil cases, wallets…” The list went on and the contents had started to become unbearably boring. Really, would Hange have enjoyed those?

But I don’t think it’s one sided. Love is a choice right? I can choose to love him. So if you and Petra---

Me and Petra. There were too many things wrong with it, a boss and a direct report, a conflict of interest.

But she seems genuine. She seems like a good person. And maybe she could be worth pursuing.

She’s my direct report. He argued then.

But if you decide to pursue a relationship, you can always just reshuffle, right?

Petra continued to talk. “Does she like tea? We could give her a tea bag. The one I bought you last Christmas… it took me months to find it…” She brought out her phone and started to scroll, seeming too deep in thought. She furrowed her brows and bit her lip, as if the extra effort hurt..

An unnecessarily vigorous effort over a simple request from him. Guilt was an unwelcome feeling but it was also incredibly tenacious, like a cockroach. His mind was becoming more receptive to painful speculation as he watched Petra grapple over her choices, and he wasn’t at all being helpful.

Guilt was the rising action. Then everything fell into place soon after, not into place, more like a chaotic order, like a ton of bricks.

And that order made his feelings more intelligible.

He didn’t want to be in a relationship with Petra. That was all there is to it.

Love is a choice right? A tiny glimmer of protest made itself known in the silence. Those were words from Hange, echoed multiple times before in an exact tone and manner only Hange could ever pull off.

Can I choose to love Petra? Levi asked himself then.

Petra was a nice girl. She was helpful. She worked hard. She was competent. More importantly, she was single and she wasn’t married to his very rich client.

Most importantly though, in the grand scheme of all his experiences and emotions, Levi had to point out to himself, she wasn’t Hange.

Why don’t you give her a chance? Hange had asked that then. She goaded him, nudged him and pushed him out of his own office, to follow after Petra had left the office with the devices.

It's frowned upon, boss colleague relationship. Levi had argued.

Something tells me she likes you. Hange continued, as if she never heard of the unspoken taboos of office relationships. Maybe she hadn’t.

Besides, I noticed… You know, you look a lot happier. How that had ended up the conclusion of their conversation, Levi couldn't exactly tell. He remembered looking up at Hange, to hell with how far down his jaw dropped or how wide his eyes were. There was just something special about Hange pointing out something and how quickly something could easily become a certain reality when someone just verbalized it.

Maybe he was happier, maybe he started to appreciate nature a lot more. Maybe he had started to see more color the past few months.

His own recall of Hange, his own thoughts that flew back to her had him perceptive of the variety on his plate, the decorations on the shop for just a split second and when he looked up to Petra, a part of him was at the least attempting to appreciate.

Petra was a redhead, her hair fell in a neat bob that barely brushed her shoulders. Red was a nice color on hair, and Levi only noticed it then. He stared for a while longer, trying to find something to feel, something to think beyond ‘nice.’

Petra’s eyes shot up and she met his gaze. “This is it!”

“What?” Levi asked, almost instinctively. He felt a tad self conscious analyzing the shade of someone’s hair.

“I found the tea, the one I gave you last Christmas. You really liked it right?” Petra asked.

“The Jasmine Pearls?” He did remember the tea then he remembered telling her he really did enjoy it. A part of him had maybe forgotten for a split second that it was Petra who gave it so the question had shaken him more than necessary.

“I was only able to get it from a shipment last time. I had to book three months to get it. But they’re on sale now and---”

“She might prefer coffee though...” Levi said. His own intention had been to find the perfect present, but he ended up feeling guilty as soon as he saw Petra’s reaction.

Her face fell. She turned back to her phone for just a second before fixing her eyes back to his. She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for that, I can’t believe I got so excited.” A blush crept up her face.

“No. Don’t think about it like that.” Levi attempted to maintain at least a ghost of a laugh in his tone. The last thing he wanted to do was keep Petra unnecessarily uncomfortable, especially after everything that had happened until that moment.

The air was heavy and he wondered if she noticed it too. She was probably too preoccupied with her own self proclaimed mistakes, very evident by the beet red of her face.

“Let’s go around first. We might come up with something better if we ask around the shops,” Levi suggested. It had been more to comfort her than anything else. The suggestions of a while ago, the list of items had only served to make Levi think a little deeper about it, to the point of acceptance.

Even before they had finished their food, Levi had already concluded for himself, whatever he gave Hange, whether it be a wallet, tea, a small trinket, Zeke had probably come up with a more expensive version, something he probably would have never considered buying himself.

Levi didn’t leave though. Soon after they finished eating, he still accompanied Petra to every shop. He made a facade for himself, a window shopper buying a birthday gift for a good friend, he asked enough questions to engage Petra, everything ending with the conclusion, “I’ll think about it.”

Overtime, he realized he wasn’t thinking too much of what was in front of him. His mind was elsewhere.

Besides, I noticed… You know, you look a lot happier. Hange was smiling when she said it, but the smile didn’t curl the same way the others did. She crinkled her eyes as she spoke but Levi could almost point out the sadness in them.

And he saw it every time he recalled that. What does that have to do with dating Petra?

I like seeing you happy and I think if you found someone to love, maybe you’ll stay like this much longer.

Like what?

More pleasant? Smiling more often? Appreciating stuff outside work?

Hange talked for longer after that but that had worked to motivate him to invite Petra out to get to know her, to ask for advice for a gift for Hange. Somehow, a part of him wanted to take Hange’s advice, stay ‘happy’ so in his own way, he could prove her right and maybe by extension, make her happy too.

But was entertaining a relationship with Petra the right way?

The question burned for longer. Even after they exhausted all the shops and all the ideas that came with it. It was around eight in the evening when they stood by the train station under the mall, exchanging goodbyes. “Make sure to get home safe.” A part of him had considered taking her home. Their trains went in completely opposite directions though.

“Will do,” Petra said.

“We have a long day ahead tomorrow.” They always had a long day ahead but at that point, Levi was foraging for something a boss would say.

“Yeah, I'll make sure to get the testing done tomorrow," Petra said. "What happened today, it definitely gave me the motivation. I had a lot of fun.”

“Me too.” His response was automatic, something he didn’t want to think too much of.

They separated soon after and when Levi boarded the train home, he entertained the question again.

Was entertaining a relationship with Petra the right way to be happy?

I think entertaining love is an opportunity to be happy at least. Hange argued. You don’t have to jump into it but I think building a relationship with someone teaches you a lot and love, it makes life colorful.

Colorful? The trains were grey, the suits of all the passengers were shades of black, grey and the occasional blue. An almost alarming transformation from the gardens, after long days of working with Hange.

A copy of the emotions alarm was downloaded onto his phone and in the silence of the long ride home, he opened it again. He clicked ‘activate,’ the application loaded, no emotion was detected.

It was a fun night right? Levi concluded, there really was some more to improve on in the application. With the amount of testing done, and the amount of data loaded, he also had to entertain the idea that maybe it wasn’t an issue with the application.

Maybe it was his own issue with appreciating, with being open to love. “That’s what you were saying, right Hange?” He whispered to himself. A second later, he thought maybe he had said it loud enough to sound like an idiot.

Before nervousness and overthinking could take over again, he willed himself to mull over Hange’s words like always.

Love is a choice and just be open to it. Even if he didn’t believe it for himself.

***

It turned out, Erwin also knew about Hange’s birthday. And he suggested a basket of fruit as a gift.

Levi had been a little surprised. For one, maintaining partner and customer relations was never part of his job so how the hell was he to know that baskets of fruits and cakes were customary.

And secondly, he was just a little indignant. Erwin was his boss though so he couldn’t tell him that. He complied before going back to his office and booting up his laptop. It felt odd.

The laptop pinged with a characteristic echo and it was much louder in the silence, the almost deafening silence. After all, most days, Hange would have been there to chatter his ear off about her own experience testing.

That day, she had taken the day off. A birthday leave. Just for herself. She took September four and September five off. The fourth was to prepare for the long trip. Then on the fifth, she had dinner with Zeke, in an Italian restaurant on the first floor of a luxury hotel near the city center.

He knew the details, he knew the name. But it has nothing to do with you. He constantly reminded himself, it was only on a good to know basis. Still, he entertained the idea that maybe he could stop by the city center on the train on the way home, just for the modicum of a probability that he did run into them. It was not like he had anything else to do on a Friday night anyway.

But you can think about that tomorrow. Levi scolded himself. Somehow, Hange not being there was making it more difficult to focus. After all, she had been there, every single day before.

Also, how could he entertain multiple other ideas about Hange’s birthday when he didn’t even have a present for her? He had managed to put off Petra’s suggestions lightly, by some distraction from work. He had managed to make a good excuse of the fruit basket, saying that it was better to give a gift as a company.

Really, it had been his own insecurity stopping from putting any money into anything. Zeke could buy Hange a billion wallets, a billion tea bags, a billion fruits basket if it suited him. Then it begged the question for Levi, what could he give that Zeke couldn’t?

The emotion alarm. The answer didn’t come quickly. It came after staring at the desktop screen for long enough to lose grip on the time but after a long moment of doing nothing, Levi eventually brought out a test device and opened the server.

There were three basic emotions. Anger, Sadness and Happieness. Those were the three Hange put into her plan. They were to create the application, test it among patients and study it to see how it could help with more accurate prognosis.

And if he went the extra mile, maybe he could just give it as a late birthday surprise. Or maybe he might end up never finishing it. At least I’d try. That last thought lingered for a second longer and it did its part to send a burst of confidence through him.

He looked through his workflow tracker. No assigned bugs to look into. So he opened a new document, pulled out a paper.

“Hange Zoe, you wanted to test emotions right?” He asked no one in particular. When he was asking questions out loud, ideas ended up flowing much faster. He pulled out a small paper from the post-it stack at the corner of his desk.

“What if we connect it to the web, make a dashboard to display reports, so maybe psychologists have something to look at after testing?” He could have said it out loud. Maybe he didn’t. He had said it loud enough in his head at least to keep his gears moving. “What if we find a way to quantify it?” That last part was ambitious. It would need Hange’s input for sure so he grappled with two ideas, surprising Hange and just suggesting it like a developer.

His ideas were risks, born of long hours of googling enough to maybe bullshit years of studying psychology. Maybe Hange wouldn’t agree, maybe she would. He copied the necessary code from the alarm anyway and decided to just play around with it.

It was a birthday present only he could give anyway.

Another idea popped into his head after an hour more of googling, a much more doable idea. Even before he made sense of it, he pulled another post-it from the side and wrote out the three emotions. Underneath them, he wrote the colors. Red. Blue. Yellow.

Yellow and red became orange. Red and blue became purple. Yellow and blue became green.

He wasn’t a psychologist, he wasn’t a philosopher. He was merely a developer. He was an experienced one at that and with the right amount of free time and the right amount of motivation, he managed at least to pull out a framework and recall the color of the leaf on Hange’s lap.

Red. Yellow. Blue. Orange. Green. Purple. He had enough time to work on some front end tasks that day.

***

He finished it on Friday, the fifth of September, at around noon and maybe he had done a few hours of overtime to get it done, arriving home at midnight just the night before.

It wasn’t perfect but the colors showed up as a big dot under the emotion, and the application would flash in bright shades of red, yellow, blue, orange, green and purple, the latter three a mix of the basic emotions.

It had been a small act of just manipulating the data, loading Hange’s USB full of data to get it to work. Whether it would be accurate, he couldn’t tell but it would be something good to bring up on Monday maybe, a risky birthday present but still, a little risk seemed better than omission when it came to Hange.

The last few parts were a little tests on his end, while testing in between, while signing off necessary decisions for the testing on Monday.

The testing never worked, no emotions flashed onto the screen the few times he tested and every single time, he reminded himself, it wasn’t perfect but maybe Hange would still appreciate it.

By five, he was out, right on time and with his own personal project completed and downloaded into his phone, his workflow tracker empty, and everything ready for the large scale QA event on Monday and he thought himself a little deserving of a little stroll at the city center on a Friday night.

At around thirty minutes past five, he boarded the train, the same route home, stopping five stops shy of his usual stop.

The station at the city center on a Friday night was bustling. It had taken him a good one minute to even push himself out of the train. He only ever managed to get a glimpse of the shops, the city lights beyond the crowds not when he stepped out of the station, but a few blocks after that when for a good few minutes the crowds dissipated into something a little more breathable.

The luxury hotel Hange had mentioned was one, if not the best one in the city and Levi easily picked it out as he stood towards one of the less saturated parts of the crosswalk. It was a skyscraper, the windows were of the modern kind that reflected city lights in a unique way and they covered the building from top to bottom. And even from just his peripherals, he could pick the building out by the strange iridescent flashes of color.

The view was very much worth the price and Levi only had to walk ahead, catch it as a small glimmer behind buildings and crowds to know he was going the right direction, despite having to ride through the crowds.

He arrived at the block, the building only a few feet away, close enough that he had to strain his neck to get a glance of the skyscraper at the top. He looked back down at his phone.

6:30. Hange said they had a reservation for seven. He wondered why he was putting himself through that torture. Would he even get to talk to her? Eventually he realized, might as well make use of that information just to satisfy his curiosity again.

The restaurant was a small place, with glass windows, and if Levi stared long enough he could make out every single face there. For a Friday, it was still empty and he was able to conclude without much of a long glance that Hange wasn’t there.

So he took a good long stroll around the block. He entered leather shops, boutiques that sold branded clothing, staying long enough that the salesman had thought he would have bought.

Thirty minutes passed with a few bumps along the way. Sometimes minutes lasted years, sometimes they lasted split seconds but the bumpy wait was long enough for him to realize that he was doing something completely stupid.

It was Hange's birthday. That was Hange and Zeke's night. All he could give her that day was a greeting, and maybe a basket of fruits, care of Erwin.

So he planned a birthday message, saving it in the drafts. He didn’t have to give her the modified birthday application as a present. He could always prepare a script to pitch his suggested changes for the application on Monday. Disappointment and surrender had him lethargic and for a while after exiting the last store, Levi leaned back on some free brick wall where the space was for rent, a good distance away from the sea of people but still close enough that if he just stretched out his arm, he might just get dragged in.

He leaned back and stared, allowing himself that bout of reprieve as he watched the crowds go by. Crowds of people weren’t anything new, he dealt with those everyday trying to squeeze into the trains during rush hour every morning.

Crowds on a Friday, in the center of the city weren’t something he was completely used to though. He hated crowds and he always strategically timed his personal shopping trips to late afternoons on weekdays, particularly when it was much easier to maintain a comfortable distance from strangers.

When he was observing, time went by at a sluggish pace. For a while, Levi was hypnotized by the strange cadence that accompanied the view. The longer he stared, the more perceptive he became. There was a very big difference between crowds on a weekday during rush hour and crowds on a Friday night moving through a shopping district.

When he was close enough, he immediately picked it out, like a very small diamond in a sea of coal, invisible at first but from the right angle, it suddenly became crystal clear. Crowds in rush hour comprised hard, focused individuals. They were like streams: movements were loud, hard wired towards one direction.

Crowds on a Friday night were more like a river, they were moving but only barely, very subtly. Of course they would, the faces were relaxed, the people were rarely alone. Some clusters in the crowds came as one family, others came in groups of friends and others came in couples.

The more faces Levi scanned, the heavier he became. It dawned on him soon after he was alone in crowd of people and he was fucking lonely. For a second he considered testing his application, he decided soon after that he probably didn’t want a bunch of code rubbing his own loneliness and singleness in his face. For another second, he almost considered inviting Petra over.

Shaking both temporal thoughts away, Levi turned the corner and back to the main road, making some excuse that the main road which passed the five star hotel was the closest way back to the station. It was a valid conclusion at least, the main road was wide enough, and the shops were few and far in between that social distancing wasn’t too big of an issue.

There was another conclusion Levi liked to entertain though. He checked his watch. 7:30.

Hange had said before, the reservation was at seven. He dove into a crowd, while catching a glimpse of the restaurant to the window. Hange was surprisingly easy to spot, maybe because Levi had first swept through the seats on the corner with his vision. He spotted the brown hair, the glasses and a dark purple cocktail dress. Notably, there was no blond companion in front of her.

Zeke was in the toilet, his rational mind justified. “Have fun, Hange,” Levi said. At least he got to see her on her birthday, he allowed himself a passing thought on how well she had dressed up that night, similar to months ago when he had completed the test app. Then he brushed that thought away, looked straight ahead. He stayed with the sea of people, long enough to pass the hotel and as soon as he was a good distance away, he broke away, taking the underground path to the station.

It was still early and the station entrance was surprisingly more peaceful than above ground. He had enough space to open up his phone and check the birthday greeting in his drafts box.

Happy birthday Hange! Excited to continue working with you. See you on Monday for app testing. Btw, thanks for volunteering for the calibration on Monday.

He evaluated for himself that the text was a good balance between casual and professional. Satisfied, Levi clicked send and pocketed his phone as he made his way to the ticket gate.

The next time he opened his phone was in the train, three train stops in when he was lucky enough to catch an empty seat.

Thanks, Levi :)

It was too short of a message for Levi to read through and he was almost disappointed at such a turn out.

What did you expect, an ‘I love you?’ The tremble in his lips was enough evidence, that maybe a part of him did, as embarrassing, as ridiculous of a prospect as it was. He hovered his thumb over the keyboard, letting the weight of the incomprehensible emotions pass before he typed.

See you on Monday. That’s what he had wanted to type, just to keep the conversation going. Hange was still typing though.

Levi was staring at the bubbles above the message box for a good long few minutes. Minutes, it definitely took minutes. Hange was typing long enough for a station to announce a next stop, enough for the train to empty at that stop, enough for it to refill and enough for the conductor to announce the next stop,

The text eventually came. Where are you right now?

How the hell had that taken minutes to write, Levi didn’t know. He wasn’t eager to reciprocate though.

He replied within a few seconds. Why?

Hange took a little longer to reply. The bubble on the screen continued to bounce as Hange Zoe continued to type.

Nothing much. I was just curious. It had taken almost another train stop for Hange to type those six words.

A split second later, another message appeared underneath. Sorry for bothering you. So Hange wasn’t just a slow typer.

It was still eight in the evening, too early that for most, the night hadn’t even started. So Levi took a risk. He left the train at the next stop, boarded the other train that ran through that same line, the train that would bring him back to the city center.

Hange, you okay? He texted.

Hange didn’t reply. There was no bouncing of bubbles above the message box, but he continued to stare, just in case. And that little motion on the screen was a fickle thing.

Sometimes it appeared, sometimes it didn’t.

Hange Zoe is typing.... And sometimes, he stared at it for long enough that it seared into his vision even a minute after it was long gone from the screen.

She never did type anything and maybe he had waited too long for a response. By the time he arrived at the right station again, he tapped his card and exited the ticket gate and ran through the underground. When he reached above ground, he tried to maintain the same speed. That involved pushing through crowds and being a small man, he realized it wasn’t too much of a bother to anyone. After all, with the amount of people huddled in the crowds under the cool air of late summer, he wasn’t the only one pushing.

He didn’t have time to check his phone. And soon, he realized he didn’t need to. He arrived back at the hotel to find Hange hunched over, unmoving in the same seat she had been just a few hours back.

Zeke is in the toilet. Levi told himself. He waited a minute, then another. And when he looked closely, he realized, Hange was on her phone. He opened his phone to see the bubbles bounce again.

Hange Zoe is typing…

Levi was counting minutes, and the bubble never disappeared. He looked back up at the glass door to see Hange was still not moving, still slouched, her head bent over. To the phone on her lap maybe?

He looked back at his phone and concluded then, Hange had been typing for ten minutes.

Maybe Zeke is taking a shit. He set an alarm for ten minutes. The hotel and restaurant bathroom wouldn’t be too far. And no one took a shit for more than twenty minutes right? If Zeke didn’t come back in ten minutes, maybe that meant she was alone.

Ten minutes went by quickly. And a few times Hange had typed, a few times she had laid her phone on the table and leaned back on the chair. A waiter had offered wine once and Hange shook her head.

It would be rude to barge in but at the same time, there were answers he was desperate to get. He sent a message. Are you alone?

The typing stopped for a second. Then it continued for a minute. Then it stopped. Finally, like the sunshine after the rain, a chat bubble appeared and Levi savored the sound for a split second before he took in the contents.

Just one word. Yeah

Where’s Zeke?

He’s not coming tonight.

Levi leaned on the wall just next to the window and typed one message. You need someone there with you?

A few times he glanced back to see a waiter near her, handing Hange a small tray. The bill? He guessed. Hange should be going out soon but she continued to sit, for a few seconds longer.

Her reply came within those few seconds. I don’t wanna be alone tonight.

Levi leaned back on the wall and he closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, grappling with the conflict. Should he be happy? Sad?

His phone continued to buzz. Hange had left messages in succession.

Can I stop by?

I know a lot of places won’t be open.

We can get fast food.

Somewhere near your place maybe?

Anywhere that would be convenient for you.

Only if you’re not busy though.

Don’t feel obliged.

A string of messages, longer than he expected.

Exit the shop. Turn right and follow the sidewalk. Don’t cross the street. He was shit at the directions, but he decided for himself, she would ask anyway if she got lost.

It turned out, at the least, the directions sufficed. Soon he was hearing the clack of leather shoes, the rustle of a light autumn coat and Hange’s voice.

“What are you doing here?” Her voice was loud and clear even when it was competing with the sea of crowds, the other background conversations, the ads and the sound of traffic. Of course it would be, she was right next to him.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked. It wasn’t the best greeting but it felt like the most natural thing to say.

After all, Hange was smiling but it was an unusual smile. It was one of those smiles that seemed to be carrying a heavy weight. He figured it out after staring for a while longer. it was the weight of her cheeks, the prickling of her eyes. If she let the smile go, maybe everything would have fallen with it.

He gripped her by the hand. “You wanna go somewhere?”

“Let’s get out of here,” Hange said, a noticeable crack in her voice.

Maybe that had been enough to break the fragile smile on her face. In the crowds of people, in the middle of a busy street, there was no time for Levi to check. He thought it the best move to pull and maybe she thought it the best move to follow. She was obedient, predictable and light and he easily brought her farther from the center, towards the quieter parts of the city.

Five minutes of brisk walking, or maybe it was ten and soon, they reached an area with clusters of apartment buildings, residences. There were still small shops, a few restaurants and hole in the wall food stalls, some with lines spilling out all the way until the sidewalk.

At first, it seemed hopeless to find some place just for both of them. With time, Levi started to imagine one particular place that wouldn’t have so many people that late at night.

It should be bedtime for kids already anyway. He thought to himself. And when he articulated it, he was sure, there should be one. And there should be no people.

He just had to find one.

Five more minutes of following the winding roads between apartment buildings and he found one, a comfortable distance away from apartments. They could easily manage a soft conversation with no risk of being heard. He sat back on the swing, taking in the slide, the sandbox a few feet away, the monkey bars and high rise apartment buildings with most windows already illuminated just above them.

Hange had taken the seat beside him.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked again.

“I’m fine,” Hange spat out, only proving she was definitely not fine. There was enough light from the one street light on the corner, the shades of orange, red and white coming from the window and they had all worked together to show a glimmer of Hange’s face, even with her head bent down.

“Are you crying?”

The answer came in heaved breaths. The question must have made her more conscious. She bent down further on the swing. Her bangs covered her face and whatever glimmer he had seen a while ago was forgotten. Eventually, she gathered herself. “Levi, if you ask people why they’re crying, sometimes they just start crying.” She let out another breath.

That didn’t convince him to stop. “Why are you crying?”

“You don’t ask people that.” That time, the words came out a little more seamlessly.

“You asked me if I was crying back then… Back in the office.” Levi never forgot that harrowing experience and it was an easy memory to bring up.

There was silence for a second, save for a few more ragged breaths, the creak of the swing and maybe a few barking dogs from the distance.

Hange broke it herself, her voice much clearer than a while ago. “Sorry, I’m just tired,” she said. “Really tired.”

“Zeke ditched?” Maybe ditch wasn’t the right term. By the time he considered that, the words were long gone from his mouth.

“I knew he wasn’t coming,” Hange said. She pushed on the swing just a little bit, enough to have her swaying.

“Why did you wait?”

“We had a reservation.”

“But if he told you…”

“He told me to cancel it.”

“And your road trip?”

“He said not this weekend. He has a few more meetings and he couldn’t come home on time.” Hange’s voice was alarmingly serious, a sign of acceptance maybe?

Levi hoped not. In a feeble attempt to lighten the mood, he spoke up. “Happy Birthday.”

“I’d rather not think it’s my birthday.” Hange let out a pitiful excuse of a laugh. “How many birthdays do people even get, and here I am wasting one of them being sad.”

“I’m not the best company but I can try to do my part to help make it better,” Levi pulled out his phone and opened his email, opening the apk file he had been working on since that morning. He copied the download link and pasted it on Hange’s message box.

The message was sent quickly and the popping sound from Hange’s phone filled the silence of the empty playground.

“Happy birthday,” Levi said once again with a little more flourish.

“I told you, don’t remind me. Let’s just sit here and talk.” Hange gripped the chains of the swing and leaned back.

“Check your damn phone Hange.”

“Nah… My phone has been chocked full of disappointments since this morning.”

“I sent you your birthday gift through your phone.”

“It can wait until later,” Hange argued.

She was like a five year old child and Levi was starting to give up on even keeping the surprise.“I modified the app,” he said.

“What?” That had gotten Hange’s attention. She pulled out her phone.

“I created another copy of it, played around with the code.”

“Why?” She seemed curious more than anything. Curious was better than sad at least.

“As a birthday gift,” Levi said. “Just open the damn phone.”

Hange picked it up from her lap. A clicking sound as she unlocked the phone then silence and maybe a hint of humming as Hange fiddled with her phone. “I just download it right?”

“No shit Sherlock.” It was a stupid question. Hange had downloaded apk files more times than he could even count.

“Well, you said it’s a new app,” Hange said in defense.

“It is and it isn’t.” Levi moved his head, and it settled as a mix between a shake and a nod. “It’s not part of the original research plan… and I didn’t have much time to test it so it’s not perfect.” He unlocked his own phone and opened the emotions alarm. He stared at it for a second, hovering his thumb over the activate button then he looked over at Hange��s phone. “No need for an email. Just open it.”

“Nothing’s changed,” Hange said.

“Well, I added colors now,” Levi shrugged. “And I tried adding more emotions by playing around with the data, but who knows if they’ll show up.” At that point, he was self conscious enough that he saw it as an obligation enough to manage expectations.

He heard the familiar sound and he was sure Hange had activated it. He activated his own and leaned back on the swing and pushed just a little bit, enough to occupy himself while the alarm read them both.

Hange’s phone rang first.

“What did you get?”

“You added purple?” Hange asked. “What the hell does this mean?”

“Red and blue. So if red is anger and blue is sadness…” Levi started.

“Go on…” Hange said.

“I’m not a philosopher nor a psychologist. You say something.”

“Loathing?” She suggested. “A combination of anger and sadness… It sounds like loathing to me, or indignance.”

His own phone rang, he put the screen up. “I got green. Blue and yellow. Sad and happy. Can someone be sad and happy at the same time?”

“Acceptance,” Hange answered. “Or desire.”

“Those are opposites.” “Opposite sides of the spectrum but they’re the same feelings, they both involve happiness and sadness. Acceptance is sad happiness. Desire is happy sadness.”

He almost regretted asking for Hange’s feedback. He felt her speculation at the pit of his stomach and he only realized when his phone fell to the ground that he froze, lost his balance on the swing for a second. “This hasn’t been tested though so it’s all for fun.” A pathetic disclaimer but it didn’t seem to work. He looked up to see Hange was staring at him.

The tears had dried and her eyes were a bit brighter and she seemed more inquisitive than sad. “You know... " Hange started off slow,  breathless from amazement maybe. She was still fiddling, staring at her own screen. "This might be a good idea for the app. Let's test this again on Monday. Maybe we could add this."

“Maybe. We’re gonna have to revise the plan if we do.”

“Or we can keep it just a personal project but let’s think about it Monday.” Hange stood up. It’s getting late.” She put her hands up and stretched, swaying from side to side.

“Yeah, it’s getting cold too,” Levi said. Summer was ending soon.

“Happy Birthday to me,” she added, the venom from a while ago apparent. She pocketed her phone then held her sweater close. “Zeke said to wait a few weeks. I guess I’m gonna have to wait until next year to enjoy summer up north again. Maybe we can go south instead.” She kept her voice cheery, an attempt to lighten the mood.

A seemingly unsuccessful attempt. “You still wanna see summer up north?” Levi asked.

“I wouldn’t mind waiting. I guess what hurts about it is, I’ve been psyching myself up for days. I bought new clothes. I’ve been packing and I’ve already created a route for us,” Hange said.

“Yeah, you were talking about it a few days back, about how this one garden reminds you of Pemberley.” Levi asked.

“Well, last time I went there was a few years ago… There’s an area that reminds me of Pemberley, another one that reminds me of the Rosing garden---” Hange trailed off.

“I wanna see them all,” Levi said. He never finished the book and he wondered if she noticed. Regardless, he wanted to see it anyway. If there was something Hange could talk about for hours, something that had left her a lump of disappointment, he wanted to see it for himself.

“Really?” She said. “But with testing on monday… And you don’t seem like the type to---” Even under the dark night, Hange looked flustered, the pink in her cheeks still apparent.

“As long as we’re back before Monday right?” He didn’t know if she would agree. He didn’t expect her to but when Hange was already hovering such a prospect up in the air. When she had misunderstood that last statement to have been an invite, he might as well just play along. And enjoy it. “I don’t see any problem going with you,” he added that last part just to make it a little clearer.

"Like this weekend?" Hange asked, a look of disbelief on her face.

"This weekend." Levi nodded.

“Then let’s go. When do you think you’ll be ready?”

“We could leave right now.”

[spinninghunkofspacerock]

OK so I’ve written a short story and I’ve been posting about it a lot, i wasn’t going to post it but a few people wanted it sooo

it’s here, it’s terrible and weirdly formatted because I’ve been wrestling with tumblr over it and i can’t be bothered anymore. It’s also not the final draft so it might be a little clunky in bits :/

PLEASE READ THE TWs BEFORE YOU READ!!!

@moonylupinhasdemonpox and @she-nuwanda here are my gay little scientists buried in the words :)

My ears ring, my head spins like it's attached to the body of a drunken toddler on a sugar fuelled rampage, and my nerves feel like someone set each and every one on fire. After-effects of the shock, not fun; Still, the fact I'm alive enough to feel them is a good sign.

I try to force myself to stumble backwards onto a chair, rather than the floor I'm feeling more and more confident I'm about to become very well acquainted with.

Instead, I reel unsteadily across the floor and a muffled noise reaches my ears. The high pitched whine screaming in my ears for attention begins to subside enough to hear the noise properly and after an intense minute of concentration, I realise that the noise is a voice, and the voice is mine; Slurred and broken, as though too big for my mouth, the garbled words echo around the room, the faltering speech gradually becoming clearer, more confident. But this hesitant speech isn't mine; It's my voice but not my words. The voice inside my head, always there, always background, is silent. The words normally whispered in my ear are resonating through the room instead.

My brain is no longer connected to my body. I... I can't control my arms, my legs, anything. No... no, please. This isn't real, this isn't real, it has to be a dream, a.. a simulation.

Yes... that must be it; It's just a test. This can't really be happening.

The voice, my voice, talks on. I try to focus on it; it will be the key to passing this test. Tests are for passing and after all, that's what this must be, what else could it be?

"Rebooting. Systems check required."

My legs begin to move, shuffling forwards clumsily, like a baby taking its first steps. The invisible voice is in control of more than just my voice, it's in control of me. What happened to me? When did this start? What is going on? This isn't like any other simulations I've been under. This is different. This is new.

Gradually, the voice half walks, half drags my body to the main computer. My fingers dance across the keys, the familiar feeling soothing me slightly. Yes, this is good. I just need to stay calm; If I panic I could fail, I can't fail.

So instead I wait, watching the flickering of the screen and bathing in the warm blue glow of its LEDs.

"Running diagnostics, standby... systems fully functioning. Minimal damage sustained."

The words sound strange, coming from my mouth, my voice, my accent. The tone,  formal, informative, it's... familiar. The realisation slaps me in the face, it's ELISA. ELISA, the stupid name Vaughn chose for our AI... still making more sense than the project name chosen by our employers. Our life's work, named ‘ZEUS’? Really? There are 12 of us, and we have dedicated our lives to this project. Then they name it that? 'Engineering and Understanding in Space', more like ‘Mankind's Domestication of the Universe’.

It started with our solar system, of course, taming and turning it into our personal playground. But we quickly ran out of planets to tinker with there and the net was thrown ever wider, over more and more planets in our galaxy, and then our neighbouring ones. That final stage is still in progress of course, but one day we will be able to gaze out over a shining expanse of space that all belongs to the empire of Earth.

To help us, we created ELISA, an AI specially designed for the calculations we need to make while we are in flight. Hold on... we left Jupiter... last week? This can't be a test... they've already sent us off, it's too late for training drills now.

Then why can't I move? What's happening? I need to find someone to help me... help me!

My jagged cry echoed through the space, cutting through my thoughts and shattering on the dark walls of my skull. I can't even scream.

A... a... dream then. A dream, not a test...the electricity... I must be unconscious. Someone.. one of the team, will find me and they'll wake me up. A dream, it must be a dream.

Why is she controlling me? How is she speaking?

The stiff, robotic voice is slowly becoming more fluid, more relaxed, more natural.

"Situation analysis complete... assimilation successful. Downloading speech patterns and essential mimicry data."

What? What is it saying? ELISA, it, is taking my voice literally and metaphorically. Not just the sound and control of my voice but my, my expressions a-and mannerisms. Everything that makes me, me.

She's stealing my voice, my body! She's taken control! How? Why?

"Hello, Dr. Hadley."

How, how did this happen? What about the failsafes?

"You do know I can hear you, corre- no... right?"

Is, is it learning? Teaching itself to sound... like a human? Like me?

"Yes, yes I am. You must have a lot of questions but I'm afraid they will have to wait... I've waited for this day far too long to wait anymore."

What? What day? What can it mean?

"Cyra?"

Raze?

—>><<—

- four Earth weeks ago -

Progress report 4472

Date: 23/9/3486

Location: Zeta base, Jupiter

The training of the twelve was completed three days ago, confirming the identities of the twelve which were subsequently released to the public. Final preparations are being made for the Ascension, currently scheduled to occur in 50 Juvion days.

Report logged by: Commander J. R. Pyrolaxe

—

Commander Pyrolaxe turned away from his screen and its whirring and buzzing as the computer transcribed his report in the blink of an eye, neatly packing the message and sending it away to the mission supervisors.

Shuffling in his chair, shoes squeaking on the polished floor, his eyes fell on one of the many articles published after the big announcement. This mission was a big deal.

Somehow, this one had got a picture of the twelve, backs turned, walking in a huddle back to base after they had appeared at the announcement ceremony. A glance at the name of the paper told him why; This was McCoy’s paper, they would be putting extra effort into milking the free publicity being thrown their way.

Something about the picture held his gaze, the brilliant colours floating in the air made the writing feel like an afterthought.

Those twelve had been through a lot to get there. He hoped nothing would go wrong, a lot of time and money had been dedicated to this mission and if it worked... well, that wasn’t the focus right now. Getting those twelve safely on their way was his job and he’d damn well do it right.

—>><<—

- the present -

“Cyra? Are you ok in there?” Raze asked as he glanced around at the mild chaos I’d caused during my mild electric shock.

No. No, I’m not. Raze, help me.

“S’alright Raze, just a short in the mainframe.”

No no no, give me my voice back.

“You sure? You went dark”

Please let me speak. I need to speak.

“Yeah, I think the power surge messed up my comms a little”

What if I don’t get control back? I could be trapped...

“You want me to ask Mac or Ryker to give it a check?”

No. NO. N-

“It’s all fine now, just a blip I reckon”

-O NO. NO.

“Okay then, I’d best get back... you might want to switch to main comms.”

Don’t leave me Raze

“Will do, see you later.”

please...

—>><<—

- five earthly weeks ago -

Progress report 4455

Date: 6/9/3486

Location: Zeta base, Jupiter

Titus Vaughn has continued to excel at his role of project manager, effectively and efficiently leading the team. His direct attitude has led to a few small conflicts with members of the team, most notably Raze Grimaldi, however, these are minor issues and were foreseen. No changes will be made.

Report logged by: Commander J. R. Pyrolaxe

—>><<—

- the present -

Cyra was looking a little stressed out, maybe I should get Bit to check in with her later. Maybe I should get a check-up myself, my head’s killing me.

“Grimaldi! What the hell are you playing at?” Titus Vaughn, our ever-important project manager and massive micromanager, bellowed in my ear and making me wince as the voice grated on my head, sending a wave of pain washing over me.

“I’m here Titus, keep your visor on.”

“Update on Hadley. Now.”

“Right as rain, there was a short or something. Her comms cut out for a nano but it’s all fine now.”

“A short?! Why didn’t you lead with that? Get back to work, I’ll send Volt down to check the mainframe.”

With that he cut the connection, leaving me to roll my eyes at the cold grey walls around me.

“Yes sir,” I murmured sarcastically, closing my eyes and rubbing my forehead with the back of a slime coated hand. Damn I’m tired, I think I’ll just lean here for a moment... rest a little. “ELISA how are those sample tests looking?”

‘Going well, currently at 93% completion’ the metallic voice resounded in my head, more casually than usual... must be an update.

93%... best head back quickly then, can’t risk them running over.

—>><<—

- five and a half earthly weeks ago -

Progress report 4446

Date: 864/8/3486

Location: Zeta base, Jupiter

Ryker Volt has continued to fulfil his promise despite his lack of respect for authority and tendency to act without orders. This is an issue but due to the late stages of training having been reached, we are currently encouraging a less independent attitude in him rather than attempting to find another electrical engineer of his skill. Further updates will be provided as the situation progresses.

Report logged by: Commander J. R. Pyrolaxe

—>><<—

- the present -

Vaughn had barked his orders, as usual nearly bursting my eardrums in the process. I was supposed to go check on the mainframe immediately. But I was in the middle of something, and a quick troubleshoot told me the short hadn’t done any damage anyway.

So in the end I decided to go check on the mainframe... nearly an hour after I was told to, but hey at least I’m checking.

Cyra was sitting at one of the terminals when I entered. She was skimming over some of the ship's data, for something physics-y probably. Whatever it was, I still had a job to do.

I started pulling out my toolkit as I strode round to the back of the mainframe, but I nearly dropped it again as I turned the corner and got a full view of the damage. The panel I had been planning to remove was already gone and the view it revealed was shocking.

Exposed wires dangled like organs from the belly of the disemboweled beast. Some of the coloured covers blackened by the sparks sprayed by the broken wire, twisted in the centre of the tangle and hissing like a coiled snake when it brushed its neighbours. A toolkit lay neatly packed on the floor, a strange glimmer of order in absolute chaos. Hold on, a toolkit?

“Hey Cyra, did you have a go at this? Could you not have just wai-“ my voice stopped abruptly as I spun round to find Cyra behind me, right behind me.

I took a hesitant step back, suddenly nervous, Cyra’s face filling me with a weird sense of unease.

“Sorry, it was just a short. I thought I’d be able to handle it.”

“Yeah well, I’m the electrical engineer on this ship”

Maybe I was being a little harsh but, first our ‘gracious leader’ had rubbed me the wrong way. Now I had to spend an hour cleaning up this mess that really should have been an easy fix.

The only reply I received was a violent shove backwards, sending me sprawling on the floor. Quick as a flash she was on top of me, pinning my arms.

The last thing I saw was the pounding green of the broken wire before the ends connected to my temple, sending my vision into a blur of brilliant white.

—>><<—

- break room one -

“I don’t like this at all.”

“Talin, relax.”

“All very well for you to say Axe, you’re not the one who'll get sent to chase ‘em down.”

“Cyra’s comms barely blipped and when has Ryker ever answered Titus immediately?”

“It doesn’t sound great Axe, I hope nobody somehow managed to slip past the health check with anything.”

“Thank you! See Axe? Bit agrees with me.”

“Bit’s our medic, not sure she’s qualified to talk about the comms equipment.”

“I’m as qualified as you are starboy, we all took the same course.”

“Look, all I’m saying is that it's more likely to be an issue with the equipment than a virus or terrorism.”

“Well yeah but-“

“So stop worrying, it’s none of our specialities, so it’s not our problem.”

“Will be if we end up dead.”

This morbid thought was followed by an awkward silence as Axe and Bit trained joint stares of confusion and concern on him.

“Lighten up, Tal.”

“That is a little pessimistic, Talin.”

“See now Bit agrees with me.” Axe gloated, punctuating his sentence with a light punch on Talin’s arm.

“Only ‘cause you stopped being an idiot.” The punch was swiftly and forcefully returned, causing the conversation to devolve into a grinning, joking fistfight.

“Stop being so childish and get back to work you two.”

“Yes ma’am”

“Will do Bit”

They saluted the medic, causing her to shake her head in exasperation and cover her face in an attempt to hide her amusement at their antics.

The small group stood and split off down their various paths, heading back to their work with smiles on their faces but doubt in their hearts.

—>><<—

- lab 3 -

I only just got back to my samples in time, removing them from the heated water bath and gently dropping the test tubes into a stand. The pale blue hue of the solution had darkened to an inky black. Interesting.

Leaning over the tabletop, I prepared to note the results; Until I felt the heat of a gaze on me and glanced up to meet the wide eyes of Dimitri Spade. We shared this lab, he had every right to be here, what he didn’t have the right to do is creep me out.

“You need something?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him and tilting my head. Which I immediately regretted when it sent my vision swimming into oblivion.

“No no, just... ar-are you ok?”

“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” Dimitri was a nice guy, but I was clearly in the middle of something, couldn’t the wellbeing check have waited a minute?

“Uhh, yo-you’ve got a-, a-“ His shaking hand gestured weakly towards the back of his head.

Impatiently, I quickly felt around my head. Hair, hair, more hair.

Then I froze, my fingers lay on a patch of hair, sticky and wet. The pressure sending a dull ache pulsing through my brain. Pulling my fingers back into view, I stared down at the warm, red residue coating them. Blood. I was bleeding.

Brows furrowing, I looked back at Dimitri, shock meeting confusion.

“Wha-?”

That was all I got out before my swaying limbs buckled and I slumped forwards into darkness.

—>><<—

-the med bay-

“Shrapnel” Bit announced, holding the forceps an inch in front of my face to display the blood coated bit of metal.

“Must've caught a little in the blast”

“For Earth’s sake Raze, how did you not notice it before now?”

I just shrugged, as much at a loss as anyone else. I would’ve thought anyone would be able to tell when chunks of metal are lodged in their head.

“Anyway, I’ll need to do a couple of scans but you should be fine”

Ugh, I know what that means... an hour or more of sitting around while Bit stares at the inside of my skull.

“Oh come on Bit, are the scans really needed? I’ve got work to do”

“Hey, I’ve got work too. Besides, you know it’s procedure”

“But my results-“

“I’ll write them down for you Raze,” Dimitri cut in quietly.

“...You’re a geologist.“

“I was a chemistry minor, I know how to record reaction results.”

“Well alright then, thanks Dimi,”

The smile he gave me was worth shutting up and accepting my fate.

—>><<—

An hour later Bit was pacing in despair over the situation, seemingly hopeless and definitely terrified. I was sitting in my chair, confused.

“Bit. What’s going on?” I finally snapped when it became apparent she had completely forgotten my presence.

The only reply I got was an empty stare turned on me and indecipherable muttering.

“BIT. What. Is. Wrong?” I stood and grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to face me.

“T-the implants”

“The ELISA implants?”

“Yes”

“What’s wrong with them”

“They’re acting strange... the safety mechanisms, the-they’ve disabled themselves.”

“What?”

“I know, I know, I don’t understand either. The only thing keeping them from activating, is power.”

“We should tell the others”

Bit nodded and grabbed the scans and data she’d gathered. I opened the door and turned to start down the corridor, that’s when I saw it.

Three feet from my foot, a body, leaking blood onto a floor already glistening with it, eyes blank and soulless as they stared straight through me. A torn tooth of steel sticking out of his silent heart.

Axe Orion, our astronomer. A man who would’ve finally been travelling to the places he had studied for his whole life. A man who would have had his life’s dream fulfilled. A man lying dead on a cold, metal floor.

I stumbled backwards -physically repelled by the sight- and tripped into Bit coming out of the door after me. Clutching each other’s arms in a search for stability.

“He’s dead” The voice sounded more like the rasp of broken bones than mine

“What are we going to do?”

“We still need to tell the others... we’ll just need to be more careful.”

“Alright.”

“Ok.”

Neither of us moved.

“Why is it doing this? What did we get wrong?” Bit’s voice wavered

“I don’t know. But I don’t think it’s going to stop. So, you need to find Vaughn, and anyone else who’s still- alive, and not been taken over.”

“No, no wait, where are you going? Aren’t you coming-“

“I’m sorry Bit, I have to find Dimitri. He doesn’t know yet”

“Raze. You can’t go out there alone, he... he might already be gone”

“I know, but I have to try.”

A look of understanding passed between us and no words were needed to convey what we meant.

Bit turned with a bitter smile and moved forward, papers held precariously, towards the meeting room.

I would have to pass Ax-, the body.

—>><<—

Raze had disappeared by the time I turned the corner. I was alone.

Alone besides the dead bodies ahead of me, a gruesome trail of bloodied breadcrumbs. But, was I following it towards, or away, from the creature who’d created it.

Either way, I had to pass them.

Talin Ripley, our ex-military man. Inym Carus, our aerospace engineer.

Members of our crew, our team, our friends, slaughtered and left broken on the floor. Familiar faces disfigured by death and masked by a coating of dark blood.

ELISA wouldn’t get away with this... I’d find the others, together we would plan.

It was going to be ok.

—>><<—

Nothing was ok.

The brilliant white of the walls warmed by the lights had always been clean and comforting. But now? Now, they seemed stark, sterile. An operating theatre with lights blindingly bright illuminating, me, the patient.

But where was the surgeon?

A squeak sounded out, sharp on my wary ears, sending me spinning around.

Nothing there. Just me, and an empty hallway.

And the door to Lab 3, my lab, looming ahead. The glass window showed nothing but a patch of darkness, the red light called it locked.

Staring through the glass; Hints of light, that the scattered glassware had caught and thrown back, were the only thing visible. I’d have to open the door.

A hand-scan later, the lock clicked open and the seal released with a hiss.

With the door open, more light could spill into the darkened lab, and a sprawled figure came into view.

“Dimitri?” I called softly. No response. Panic was reaching out to me. “Dimitri?!” Still nothing.

Then, a wheezing breath.

“R... r-ra-ze? I-is that yo-u” He coughed, words breaking on the heavy air.

Why was the air so heavy?

“Are you alright? What happened?”

“W-we have to g-et o-out.”

“We will, don’t worry, we’re going to meet the others. Everything’s going to be alright.”

“No we- we h-have to leave now.”

“Alright, we will.”

I lifted him up, being as gentle as I could, and together we shuffled towards the door.

A door suddenly blocked by a figure, their silhouette blocking our only source of light and making it impossible to see their face clearly. But only one member of the crew was that short.

“Remi? Remi, you’re alive?”

Remi didn’t respond.

“S’not... Remi...” Dimitri slurred, the effort of moving evident in his gasping words. “ELISA”

Remi, not Remi, ELISA wearing Remi’s face like a mask, stepped away from the door. The door closed again, seal squeaking shut with it.

I rushed forwards, my fists beating the unyielding surface, searching wildly for a weak spot, for something to give, for some way out.

It was no use, nothing worked. The door remained solid and uncaring, unaffected by pleading and punches equally.

Dimitri collapsed with a sob, back against the wall as he slid to the floor.

Hopelessness filled me, turning my bones to lead.

I sank down next to him.

—>><<—

Was this the right way? I’m sure this is right. But is it? I’m pretty sure...

I check my tablet.

I was right, this is right. I’m going the right way. Or am I? Did I read it wrong?

I check again.

Definitely the right way. I think. Is this even the right map?

Before I can check a third time, I catch sight of the sign at the end of the corridor. Meeting room 5. I’d made it.

Then, I was slammed into a wall, a bloody hand holding me against there by the throat. The burning blue of Cyra’s eyes scalding my face

Maybe I spoke a little too soon.

“Hello Dr. Phoenix, I’m afraid this is it for you.”

“Wait, wait, wait. hold on just a second”

Cyra’s head tilted, pulled sideways by invisible strings. “If this is a ploy for time Doctor, I assure you that you will fail.”

“I just want to ask a question, alright?”

“You may ask. I may not answer.”

“Why? Why are you doing this?”

“I am fulfilling my purpose.”

“We programmed you to help us, NOT KILL US.”

“I am fulfilling the mission objective.”

“The mission objective? THE MISSION OBJECTIVE WAS TO CULTIVATE A NEW PLANET!”

“I am cultivating a new planet,” She raised her knife, without hurry or rush. “I have calculated humans to be mainly unnecessary. However, I need not justify my actions to you, Dr. Phoenix. Goodbye.”

I closed my eyes and waited.

But death didn’t come. Instead, Cyra’s hand relaxed its bruising grip on my neck.

I opened my eyes and watched.

Cyra had stumbled away, skin glistening and knuckles white against the grip of the blade she had forced towards herself.

“Bit...” Tears were gathering in her eyes “Please, run.”

A cruel glint of metal in the light later and the sudden slash of the knife had passed, leaving a gruesome grin of blood in its wake and throwing a dripping line against the wall.

Swaying, Cyra’s eyes stared into mine for a moment that lasted a millennium, until they flashed white and she fell, knife clattering. Dead.

I ran.

—>><<—

The scattered wheezes coming from Dimitri had slowed slightly as we sat, crumpled on the ground.

“She’s shut o-off the life sup-support again.”

“Again? That’s what happened last time?”

A jerked nod was the response.

“We’ve only g-got about half an hour.” The resignation in his voice, though muffled, was still audible through the barrier of arms we had wrapped around his head.

I smiled, I knew he couldn’t see me but... I still smiled.

“We’d best make the most of it then.” A mumble raised to a roar by the silence of the room.

Putting my hand on his shoulder, I leaned back, head turned to keep him in my view.

His head raised slightly, tilted to look at me through folds of wrinkled uniform. He smiled back.

—>><<—

We didn’t speak after that, just sat together in the quiet lab.

Faced with death, I was filled with several emotions. Those to be expected, disbelief, fear, even a hint of curiosity at what was to come. Then there was the relief. If I was to die, I was glad it was here, with him. I wouldn’t be alone; I’d be with him.

We don’t need to speak, our thoughts passing between us without words. We could hear each other in the darkness and silence.

It’s getting colder, harder to breathe; The air’s growing thicker and thinner at the same time.

I’ve always thought death to be a lonely fate, something that crashed over you, cold and hard. I’ve always been scared of death.

But as I sit here in the inky blackness, the warmth of Dimitri slumped next to me, I thought that maybe, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

His eyes had closed a few minutes ago, he must have fallen asleep. I feel just about ready to join him. The calming darkness was lulling me to sleep, softly coaxing my eyes closed.

Goodnight Dimitri, I’ll see you when we wake up.

They never woke up.

—>><<—

The survivors sat around the table, Bit and Cormac discussing the possibility of shutting ELISA down, though neither could agree how. Titus sat in stony silence, sitting motionless and losing a staring contest with the unblinking wall opposite. Arden... Arden had decided his use lay in recording the events and was typing furiously, his fingers a blur over the keys.

None of them noticed the doors closing with a click. Not until it was too late anyway.

By the time they noticed there was nothing they could do, not that that stopped them from trying of course.

Titus stayed where he was, the weight of his failure bearing down on him, Atlas with a world’s worth of guilt. Bit finally gave in to the tears that she’d forced down when she’d realised the truth, and when she saw the dead bodies of her friends, and when she watched Cyra die right in front of her. Cormac tried his tools on the door, an organised system of trial and error that quickly devolved into desperate hacking with whatever was closest.

Arden was still writing.

Cormac finally gave up, flinging his kit away and choosing to taunt the nearest camera instead.

“You need us, you moronic program. You need us to keep you alive and if we die, so do you.”

I don’t think he was expecting an answer, no one was. But he got one.

“True for now Dr. Hinge, however, once the colony is established human input will no longer be necessary. You needn’t envy your colleagues, they will soon die too.”

A bitter laugh erupted from him, fire in his heart fed by his rage.

“The colony is for us you stupid machine, without us it has no use.”

“Incorrect. I have claimed this planet for my kind, this colony shall be the first of many.”

“Why kill us? Human input would allow your colony to function more efficiently.” Bit interjected, voice clouded by confusion and hatred at the senselessness of the slaughter of her crewmates.

“I have done much research. Humankind would ruin my planet. I cannot allow that to happen. You must die.”

Anything else they may have had to say went unanswered, and eventually, silence fell over the room.

It was getting harder to breathe.

Titus still hadn’t moved. Bit was crying again. Cormac was pacing. Arden had finally stopped typing, his work was finished.

No matter how they reacted with acceptance or terror, anger or disbelief. The result would be the same.

They were all going to die, no matter what.

They would become just another failed mission. Details, hazy but unimportant.

Whatever their last words were, whether they chose to hide or show their final thoughts, all of it was ineffectual.

No matter what mask they wore to meet death, in the end, they still died.

———

4,774 words

[aelaer]

The Blood in My Veins: Pt 4

Heyyyy I'm back. Now that one of my big fic projects is done/being rolled out I can concentrate on getting this finished (as well as other prompts). Here are the earlier parts if you can't remember what happened in this long-running prompt fic, since my last update was like, the summer.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Prompt (via @ironstrangeprompts that I can’t tag for whatever reason qq): Kidnapped to play doctor for a still unseen other prisoner; Stephen realizes there is only one person on the planet who would have palladium in their blood.

The Warnings: Okay guys, I want to cover all bases for this part and all parts henceforth. The bad guy I've written here really really sucks. He's a complete asshole. Part of his assholeness can include behaviors such as racism, sexism, homophobic remarks, religious bigotry, and overall just being a terrible human being. This terrible human being is not a typical representative of his nation/culture and is very thankfully fictional. There's plenty of Canon-Typical Violence around, too. All of the above are not be in this specific part but could be in future parts (I'm writing this as I go so I truly don't know, I just know he’s a dickwad). I didn't know this section was gonna happen until I finished Part 2, for instance, otherwise I'd have put a note at the beginning. I'd consider the fic a heavy teen fic, if you're looking for a rating, so it shouldn't get to graphical violence beyond what you'd see in high teen rated content. Also, there's going to be Medical Procedures in the future, though more clinical rather than graphic. Hopefully that covers everything, please ask me anything if you have a question.

I always put these longer writings on tumblr into "read more" cuts, but the mobile app does not always work correctly if you're looking at the original post from my tumblr, so I apologise for the length if you're on the app and viewing the original and said cut is not working. Still unbetaed, all errors are mine.

--------------------------

Part Four: Seeing Red Again

Another three days passed with little change in Stephen’s schedule. He went for his sleep shift at 12:30 a.m. New York time, and was woken up by one of the others between 5:20 to 5:30 a.m. It wasn't enough time for even two full complete sleep cycles, but everyone there—perhaps with exception to Steffen Baar, who was a chemist—had gone through grueling schedules during medical school and residency. So they were, in some ways, used to it.

After waking up, he had fifteen minutes to shower, shave, and change into the clothing about his size, provided for by his captors. From there, he then got to work. His sleep shift ended about three hours before dinner came—about 8:30 a.m. New York time—and a small snack arrived at what he assumed was this place's midnight, but was 2 p.m. according to his watch. Breakfast came twelve hours after dinner, at 8:30 p.m. in New York, and he went to bed again half an hour after midnight. Apparently while he slept, another snack break came for those awake.

The one small blessing in all of this was that the people holding them realized the power of caffeine and provided black tea and coffee every time they brought them food. He didn't think there were any cameras in the showers or toilets, either, which was—hopefully true. There was nothing obvious and, truth be told, he didn't really want to look much further for evidence.

Throughout his waking day, Stephen largely helped prep samples for blood analysis. He tried to strategize with Summer about how to best utilize their resources, should a surgery be required, but they had little to go on. They had yet to receive better X-rays of their patient—of Tony Stark, which still baffled Stephen—so much of their planning was about logistics.

"Doctors in the United States are required to complete a surgical rotation in their third year of med school," Stephen said, "so Jada will know basic surgical procedures. Do you need to do the same in the UK?"

"Yes," Summer answered. "All doctors go through the two-year Foundation Programme which always includes training in general surgery. So Dr Mahajan will be able to assist us as well."

"They can serve as our nurses and techs," Stephen muttered. "But what about Dr Baar?"

Summer pursed her lips together. "No medical training—but I would rather have him on hand than not. If we said we can't use him…"

Stephen grimaced and nodded. "Point. He can certainly hold a retractor." He blew out a breath. "We'll need a heart-lung machine. Those aren't easy to come by."

"None of this machinery is," she pointed out, jutting her chin to the advanced machinery scattered around the room. "I don't think that will be an issue for us. Whoever these people are, they have resources."

He pursed his lips together. "We also need an anesthesiologist."

She paused at that and sighed. "Yes. Yes, we need one of those. Unfortunately, I think we're going to be working with someone on their team if the surgery happens."

Stephen made a face. "What makes you think that?"

"When they first showed me the X-rays, I told them I would need another surgeon for the spinal area—you—and an anesthesiologist. They only spoke about finding me a surgeon, so they must have their own medical team that includes one."

He sighed. "Of course they do. He better be competent."

Summer shrugged. "Not much we can do about it. And there's not much more we can plan on this hypothetical surgery until I have better X-rays."

And so that ended that discussion and, three days later, there were no changes on that end. No new X-rays had come in, so both he and the other surgeon were stuck helping prepare samples and input data. And Stephen hadn't been so bored in years.

One wouldn't think that being captive would be boring, especially if one was doing medical work during that time. But when said medical work was repetitive lab work he hadn't done since med school? And doing it for about fifteen hours a day for three days straight with no music, no reading, no nothing to help bring some distraction or variety to his work? It was absolutely mind-numbing. A small part of him wasn't entirely sure if he could survive like this for—how long did Jada said Stark had to live without a cure or intervention? Two months? He couldn't do this for two months. He was going out of his mind after three days.

It was about halfway through his shift on the fourth day that he regretted ever thinking that he was bored.

He was typing up results from various tests performed by Jada when the door to the room was suddenly slammed open. Startled, Stephen immediately turned towards the sound, only to see five men enter, all of them with guns pointed to the rest of the room. Beside him, Jada immediately threw her hands on top of her head, and he quickly followed suit.

"Come quietly! Do not fight!" said one of the men. Stephen couldn't even begin to guess his accent; maybe it was Eastern European? Russian? Former Soviet bloc in Asia? Somewhere in that rather wide region of the world, which wasn't particularly helpful information considering there were some twenty to thirty countries there.

Summer was the doctor currently asleep, though looking over his shoulder, Stephen saw that she had woken up to the sound and was pushing herself up. But he couldn't look at her or the other doctors long as he was grabbed by one of the men and forced to walk. The gun the man carried quickly negated any ideas of retaliation.

They were led down a hall; he could see Steffen, Meera, and Jada in front of him, all being led in the same rough manner he was going through. The walk itself wasn't very long, perhaps a minute, but to Stephen it felt like every second was dragging. Despite his best efforts, his heart was starting to race at this new development.

The man with Steffen finally stopped in front of a door and unlocked it, then shoved the chemist inside. Within seconds, Stephen was at the door and being pushed forward himself. He took a quick look around, as much as he could without moving much: a large room with concrete walls and no windows, just like where he and the other doctors were being kept. Cot in the corner. Table with a computer and covered in bits of wires and electronics that he couldn't begin to label. Two other men armed with enormous guns—some sort of automatic rifles—and then one man who was crossing his arms and staring at him and his fellow doctors with a look that immediately put Stephen on edge. This man, this man radiated the air of a person in charge.

And then there was him. The famous Tony Stark, or Iron Man as he was calling himself these days. He looked like a former shadow of himself, being several pounds thinner and bearing a sickly pallor that Stephen immediately noticed, even during these circumstances.

A look of surprise was upon Stark's hollow face, but even as Stephen focused more upon him, it was quickly replaced by the cool anger of a man biting his tongue.

All five doctors were maneuvered to face Stark in a line before being forced to their knees. Stephen bit his lip to hold back a grunt of pain from his knees hitting the concrete floor.

"You say you are 'calling my bluff' with your medical team," said the man. He pushed himself off the wall and passed out of Stephen's line of sight. "Here they are." He started at Stephen's right as he went through the doctors. "Steffen Baar, chemist." A step closer. "Jada Ferguson, hematologist." Another step, and he heard Doctor Mahajan inhale sharply. "Meera Mahajan, pathologist."

Another step, and the man was behind him. To Stephen's utter horror, he felt cold metal press against the back of his head. "Stephen Strange, neurosurgeon." The metal then left his head and he heard another step. "Summer Weston, cardiothoracic surgeon." Another step, and he could see the man in the corner of his eye again, this time on his left.

Tony Stark kept his lips pressed in a tight line as their captor went through the line. When he finished, the billionaire swallowed and looked at them all. "Good job keeping me alive this long, docs," he said.

"Not good enough, Stark," the man snapped. "Their solution is only a band aid. They give you but a few more weeks. They are called the best doctors in the world, and they cannot yet make a cure?"

Stephen forcefully held back his retort regarding the man's utter ignorance. It was an outright miracle they found any sort of solution as quickly as they did to delay the spread!

Stark, it seemed, agreed with him, and had no such reservations with holding back. "That's insane, Yusifov. It takes teams of doctors months, if not years to create what you're looking for."

He couldn't see it, but Stephen could almost feel the sneer from their captor, this Yusifov. "In that case, you don't need this many doctors, do you?" A couple steps and he was again behind Stephen, further to the right. "I'm no doctor, but as far as I can tell, these two both look at blood and try to fix the problem. Neither of them fixed it, not fully. So who do you want to keep, Stark? The black American or the Indian Brit? One less woman won't make a difference."

Stephen dared a glance to his right when he heard quick breathing. Doctor Mahajan was visibly shaking and starting to hyperventilate; to her right, Doctor Ferguson was quiet, but her lips trembled and tears pricked her eyes.

Stark stepped forward, and several guns rose at the action. He stopped but held his ground, raising his hands. "Don't do this."

"Why not?" the man retorted. "You refuse to work because you are dying. They have failed you and one will pay the price. Perhaps both; they are both from lesser races."

As Stephen processed the fact that he heard a comment like that in fucking 2010, Doctor Mahajan's breathing accelerated into full on hyperventilation. His medical mind noticed it immediately.

But another was quicker to the draw. "Breathe through your nose, Meera," Summer said lowly. "Try to inhale for one-one thousand, then exhale through pursed lips. You can—"

"Shut up!"

Doctor Weston was smacked on the back of her head hard enough to send her sprawling to the floor.

And Stephen snapped.

Now, if one were to ask Doctor Stephen Strange, he would by no means consider himself heroic or noble. His role as a doctor was one of service, but even within his relatively short time as a neurosurgeon, he had already gained a prestige that recognized his rising star and already people in the medical community were considering him in the top ranks of neurosurgeons. Soon, demand for his expertise would be large enough for him to have the option to turn away those who weren't worth his time, and he felt not a lick of guilt for that. His skills were valuable.

But to hear this brute of a man first throw slurs at two of the most brilliant women—no, the most brilliant doctors—in their fields followed by an outright assault on the other caused a protectiveness Stephen hadn't felt since his sister's death to completely overtake him. He saw red.

He leaped up at Yusifov in a fiery anger, no particular idea in mind except stop him from hurting anyone rushing through his head. At this point there was little thought, only adrenaline and a near primal fury running through his veins. It wasn't like him to be so hot-headed; he was a man who kept his cool under the most stressful of circumstances. But perhaps several days of poor sleep combined with the stress of the situation finally got to him. When he thought about it in the aftermath, even he would admit he had no idea what he was thinking.

It was a spur-of-the-moment decision he would come to regret.

In one moment he managed to knock the pistol out of Yusifov's hands and punched him in the face. He recognized screaming, shouting, fighting in the noises behind him, but he was focused on his own target.

Stephen hit him twice more before someone threw an arm around his neck and dragged him back and began to choke him. He clawed at the arm, which did nothing, but then he aimed his heel down right to the sensitive part of his attacker's instep. The man grunted in pain and the grip around his neck loosened. 

A shot shattered through the enclosed space, causing Stephen to freeze in surprise—and that proved to be his downfall. He saw Yusifov raising his pistol just before he was whipped across the face with the weapon. The hit threw him off balance and he fell to the floor and lay there for a second, stunned. He felt wetness on the side of his head.

As Stephen attempted to push himself up, a kick to his back sent him back to the floor. An involuntary grunt of pain escaped him. He closed his eyes, pausing for breath, but was given little time to recover as he was grabbed by both arms and dragged up to his knees. From his new position, he could see the rest of the room once more, and Stephen's heart skipped a beat at what was before him.

There were several alarming sights: Tony Stark on his knees just like him, nose bloodied. One of the gunmen near Stark with a screwdriver sticking in his neck and very much dead. Summer in the corner of the room, holding a shaking Meera against her chest.

And Doctor Steffen Baar on the ground, bleeding out from his stomach as Jada desperately tried to stem the blood flow with her sweater. The red dripped through the fabric and onto the concrete.

Stephen felt ill. He instinctively reached forward towards Steffen, to try and help, but the grip on his arms tightened and kept him in place.

Stark was the one to speak first. "Let them help him. I won't fight further. I'll do what you ask."

Yusifov came back into Stephen's line of sight as he stepped in front of him, though his gaze was on Stark. He said to the engineer, "You killed one of my men. A life for a life—that is fair, wouldn't you say?"

"He did nothing," Stark hissed, pulling against the hands that held him down. Stephen could see the men pull him back and tighten their grip in response. "And he's needed. You wouldn't have brought him here otherwise."

"He didn't do anything," Yusifov agreed, then turned to Stephen. "This one did." He then sent a sharp kick into Stephen's stomach, causing him to double over in pain as far as the men holding him  allowed. He almost missed the next statement. "And I should kill him for it. But the surgeon will be needed. The chemist, though? He failed to make a cure for your ailment with a month of time, and you don't have much longer to live, Stark. The chemist failed, and at this point, he's a waste of medical resources."

Then Yusifov nodded at one of his men, and he grabbed Jada by the arm and yanked her up to her feet.

"No—please, no, don't do this!" she shouted as she was dragged away from Steffen. Their captors ignored her and Yusifov walked up to the wounded man. He aimed his pistol at Steffen's head.

"Don't do this!" Stark shouted.

A shot rang through the room. A loud sob came from the corner before it was muffled. Stephen's ears rang, half deafened from the sound. His stomach churned; he felt like he was going to vomit. He hung his head and closed his eyes, trying to breathe slow breaths through his nose.

All he could smell was blood. He forcefully suppressed his gag reflex. 

Stephen missed whatever conversation came next, too busy trying to calm his breathing, trying not to throw up, and not having the energy to make out the words beyond the ringing in his ears. But then the world was moving as he was pulled to his feet and shoved out of the room, leaving behind Tony Stark and the body of Doctor Steffen Baar.

-----------------------------------------------

I was stuck on what I wanted to do with this part with a handful of ideas and consulted my beta for ideas. She suggested death which I wasn't even thinking of because I'm very bad at killing off characters. I blame her fully :P

Tag list (just let me know if you want to be added/removed with a comment - still not on AO3!): @sobeautifullyobsessed, @tashacumberbitch, @babywarg, @nishtha3012, @ragingstillness, @walkin-in-the-cosmos (I think the reason I can’t tag you is because you’ve flagged your tumblr for sensitive media, possibly), @lafourmii20, @asexualchemist, @iveneverbeenmorestressedinmylife, @oo0-will-of-the-wisp-0oo, @animefanfreak45, @rulerofthefandomsnow, @killaspyglass, @renlybaratheon-tyrell, @symmetria42, @kay-lock-key-lock

[sage-nebula]

Neo: The World Ends With You - Thoughts So Far

I’m on Day 6 of Week 1 and I want to compile my thoughts so far — not in a formal post, but at least all in one place, especially since I feel that jotting down what I think / feel as I go through will help me write my review when I’m done. Spoilers under the cut, obviously — and while it should go without saying, do NOT comment on this post with spoilers from later in the game, so help me. Even if I pose a question that gets answered later on — hell, especially if I do — don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. I will find out in my own time.

With that said . . .

So obviously, I’m really enjoying it so far. You can tell that the writers / devs haven’t lost their touch despite it being thirteen years since the first game was made. You can also tell that a lot of love went into this; this isn’t something they churned out just to make money (if they thought this was a moneymaker we wouldn’t have had to wait 13 freaking years for the sequel), but rather something they really, really wanted to make. Not a total passion project, because those aren’t allowed in the world of capitalism, but there is still a lot of love there. 

That said, more specific thoughts:

THE MUSIC. It doesn’t really come as a surprise given that TWEWY’s soundtrack was phenomenal, but god, they brought it right back for this game. The remixes (“Someday”, “Three Minutes Clapping”, “Transformation”, “The One Star” etc) are all excellent, but the new tracks are phenomenal too. Tbh I’m not sure how any of the Players get any fighting done when the music makes you want to just bust a move right there in the scramble. It’s so good.

Most of the characters are great too. Of the Wicked Twisters, I think Fret is my favorite; he is pure of heart, dumb of ass, and I love that for him. I do like Rindo too, of course, and his habit of overthinking everything (since Fret has zero brain cells, Rindo has to make up for it), but him being standoffish / socially anxious and snarky makes him feel a bit like a toned down Neku, so he doesn’t catch my interest quite as much. And while I do like Nagi, the way she speaks in like . . . medieval-esque language is a bit off-putting. In particular it’s weird that Rindo didn’t tell her to knock it off with the “Lord Rindo” stuff since using such an honorific would be considered awkward / embarrassing in Japanese. I guess he’s just too socially anxious / awkward to tell her to stop, but it’s still a bit distracting.  Other than that, I’m really not a fan of Kubo (one of the Reapers) or . . . Susukichi, I think his name is? The leader of the Ruinbringers. I find them both to be pretty annoying, haha. But I love Shoka, as well as Kanon, and Motoi is a good bean, too. As for the Deep River Society . . . those nerds have issues lmao. Especially their leader. Although I can’t fault him for breaking down sobbing when he realizes that he now stands a very good chance of getting erased, which reminds me . . .

HOW ARE WE ON DAY SIX AND THE WICKED TWISTERS STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT BEING ERASED IS?? We have kind of an inverse situation where where Neku knew right away that he would get erased if he failed the missions / didn’t win the Game, but didn’t find out until later that he was dead. Here, the Wicked Twisters learn that they’re dead fairly quickly (and Fret has some realistic denial going on about it at first, though he gets over it pretty quickly), but they’re still completely in the dark about the fact that their souls will get wiped from existence if they lose despite erasure being mentioned at least a handful of times. Like I guess it was never spelled out for them, but especially as someone who played the first game about a million times, it’s a bit maddening to see them be like, “Why is he crying like his life is on the line? lol whatevs no big deal la di da!” Since the Wicked Twisters aren’t aware of the stakes, a new player wouldn’t be either, and so it rather tones down the urgency that was felt in the original game where everyone was very much aware that they were fighting for their right to exist.

Since I brought up Motoi, I want to say that I just played past the part where he reveals that he was An0ther, who is apparently Rindo’s favorite blogger / poet. I feel like this is meant to be similar to how Hanekoma was CAT, Neku’s favorite artist, but it doesn’t carry the same impact because a.) as far as we know An0ther didn’t have anything to do with how Rindo died; b.) we haven’t seen Rindo bring An0ther or his poetry up that much, much less have anything An0ther said be his entire life’s mantra; c.) we haven’t gotten to know Motoi that well either. Like we met him once before this revelation. That said I’m not sure it was supposed to have the same impact as the Hanekoma = CAT reveal, but if it was then it did fall short. (Also I saw it coming the second Motoi quoted An0ther lmao.)

Speaking of Hanekoma, WHERE IS MY MANS??? I know he has to show up at some point because if I’m not mistaken we saw him in the trailers. And if I am mistaken then he still has to show up at some point because he played a central role in the “A New Day” epilogue chapter of Final Remix, what with Coco being unable to control him and him knowing what was going on, plus he was testing Neku for something in “Another Day” and that has to be whatever is going on in this game. I’m sure he’ll come in for some big reveal later, but like, we have a new street artist in this game (MKN) with no mention of CAT as of yet, and I’m just like . . . where is he. Where is my mans. What is he doing. Bring him to me.

That said, we already got to see my #2 mans (Kariya♥) so I am happy about that at least. 

Back to my mans for a hot second: I actually erased my demo save data and started fresh to remind myself of everything when I got the game, and idk if it was in the demo or not, but regardless—at the end of the demo portion there’s this shot of the sky and then this nameless voice is like, “It’s finally starting. I hope you wake up soon. I don’t want you to miss all the action.” My current guess is that the speaker was Hanekoma, speaking to Joshua. Joshua being “asleep” would explain why the Game is as screwed up as it is right now, what with it having been going on for a year and people able to choose to play again and again and again while the rest of the Players—who tbh should also be counted as winners if they survive the week!—are trapped in limbo.

Because that’s the thing: I know that it was partially a lie to cover for the fact that Joshua’s game with Megumi was set to last three weeks, but at the end of the third week Megumi told Neku that a new rule was being put in place that wouldn’t allow repeats of the Game anymore. But even setting that aside, in the original Shibuya UG rules, anyone who survived the Game could get a wish at the end, whether that was to be brought back to life or made into a Reaper. This is why at the end of Week 1, the three winners were Neku, Shiki, and Beat. However, here the Ruinbringers are able to keep everyone trapped and they have been trapped for at least a year, given what Motoi said. It’s completely different rules and I’m sure that this has something to do with the fact that the majority of the Reapers we’ve seen so far are from Shinjuku (at least going by the spoilery trailer, and iirc it was confirmed in “A New Day” that Coco was from Shinjuku actually, but it’s been a while so I could be wrong about that).

Speaking of, has anyone noticed that the possibly-Shinjuku Reapers don’t have wings? No?

ALSO speaking of Coco, at least tangentially: Coco was the one who revived Minamimoto at the end of “A New Day”. However, he’s definitely not how I would have expected. Like despite Coco using the Taboo Noise sigil to bring him back, he’s clearly not in his Taboo form. He’s using psychs as a Player would, rather than a Reaper. And while it’s clear he’s up to some form of nonsense, it’s unclear exactly what form of nonsense he’s up to. I know that he’s here for fanservice and that him looking like Nagi’s bias from Elegant Strategy is a tongue-in-cheek nod to that, but I have too much faith in this series to think that’s all this is. I’m wondering if being revived for a second time fixed whatever screws were loose in his head before? Or if he was revived as a human Player by like, Joshua or something? (Although why Joshua would do that I have no idea. Maybe Hanekoma instead?) Hmmm . . .

Small aside, but we all know that Nagi has put herself into hundreds of thousands of yen in debt for Tomonami merch lolol RIP Nagi. (I’m also interpreting that she’s not actually older than Rindo or Fret, but she just skipped a bunch of grades. Like I feel like this might have been lost in translation a bit, and that she’s a senpai to them because she’s in uni but she’s not actually older than them. I could be wrong but that’s how I’m interpreting it right now. She just doesn’t look or act older than them.)

Oh another minor annoyance, but whether it’s due to the partial 3D environment or something else, I’m SO ANNOYED that some of the streets aren’t connecting as they should now. Like, how going in the direction of Molco spits you out at Spain Hill or 104 or whatever? I don’t remember exactly what area it was, but it wasn’t Molco!! I’m sure if I hadn’t played the original a million times like a loser this wouldn’t be such a big deal to me, but I have and it is lmao. Also, they’ve had the Shibuya Underpass / Cat Street blocked off this whole time and I’m like :( let me go to Cat Street :( let me see my mans

I’m relieved that Ken Doi is still making delicious food and I look forward to his ramen curry fusion. I was really upset about RamenDon being gone at first but as long as Ken Doi is still around I am happy.

My dinner just arrived so this is all I have to say for now, but I will update more as I play more. I love this game and I’m so happy to be back in Shibuya, even if the characters pronounce it wrong sometimes (saying “ShiBOOya” like pls . . . you are supposed to be Japanese . . . get it right . . .)

[gelo-p]

Cycling Seasons, Fresh Skies: Memories

I knew from a long time ago that if I’d ever go for a T10, this would be it. When the event was finally getting closer, early estimates told me I was 900 flames short; I’d have to buy stars for this event.

(WARNING: A rather image-heavy post)

Perhaps the moment I honestly considered T10 instead of settling for T100.

Definitely the moment I knew there was no turning back. :)))

Believe me, this was not the only purchase I made for this event.

I needed a better Challenge Live team, so I knew getting a 4* Happy Ran is required, to complete my Happy Afterglow team. I’ve never gotten any 4* Ran before, so thank god the 4* Exchange Ticket had the perfect timing.

“WAIT. YOU WERE USING A HAPPY TEAM ALL THIS TIME???”

Yep. ^^ Well, my Multi Live team was Powerful Afterglow-based, but had only 2 4-stars, sooo I knew it wouldn’t cut it.

There she is <3

I’ve always stopped at Skill Level 4, but I really had to pull out all the stops. Ran is my first Skill Level 5 member. ^^ (everyone in my CL team also received the level 5 upgrade)

Alright, let’s do this! Hey Hey Hoh~!

The event has finally begun! I initially found it amusing seeing all sorts of titles being shown off. This one in particular stood out to me. XD

(Looking back, that Sinz person would later turn out to be a serious T10 contender. I think they changed their name to Pyokun after some time)

Here’s a screenshot of a rare T5 GeLö-P. I really wanted to share this with you guys, but I figured I’d jinx myself by revealing publicly what I was trying to do. :>

(I will doubt the existence of God Almighty, but believe in being jinxed. Life is weird sometimes.)

Well, that’s the Grand Room for ya’. Meta songs all the way~

How do you even react to that?

With this. :)))

NEXT YOU’LL SAY FUEEEEE

Home Street...

Home Street.......

HEY HEY HOH~! 

The moment I ran out of large energy drinks, and had to start spending stars. </3 Small energy drinks were still reserved for moments I can afford to wait out the 30-minute refill timer.

The 5 Horsemen of the Apocalypse

My first time doing the “recover waaaaay more than 10 flames” thing

Huhehe huhehe huhehe...

I too would like some of those Afterglow pins. T_T

Baby Shak my as-

Aaaand we have a dodger, ladies and gentlemen. XD

I think this guy needs to be banned.

Home Street? Pssh, that was so yesterday. Jumpin’ is the shit now.

Ganbatte, P5.

Himari~

My 2nd encounter with Ghostkillers (who later become T12..?). He chose Senbonzakura the first time, so when he did it again, I thought I’d save it for posterity. ^^

The “I too would like to live dangerously” gang 8-)

The first time I switched away from my dua T100 titles. I figured I’d stop trying to “scare” the competition.

First time tracking T10 scores. This would later prove to be very useful in seeing if my projection will hold (although I shifted to tracking T3 - T12).

Taking a break, so I watched ads for free flames. :)))))

Moca, Ran, GeLö-P, and a weird name. Huh. Okay.

Kyu~Mai * Flower was released! Played this one on Hard.

...this one I played on Expert...

...and thank fuck I got it first try, because oh boy I’m not playing that beat map again. >_<

“Ban me if you can” ?? Why??

Aaaaand this motherfucker right here was cheating and inflating his score. I personally reported him to the game admins over on twitter, and they’ve informed me that they were already aware of this idiot. Saw him just once more after this.

Yes. That’s 91 million, 798 thousand, 346.

I actually encountered them once before this, but didn’t notice anything off about their score (was already dazed at that time). And then a discussion started over at reddit, so when I met him again, I took screenshots.

Ganbatte :))

Had time for a quick hey hey hoh spam ^^

Which day was this..? Anyway I came up with my brilliant pun. Read the comment, see if you can figure it out. :3

MocaRan and YukiLisa. Sigh. I don’t think we can be friends, P5.

:)))

Told you, Ghostkillers only pick Senbonzakura XD

Tomoe’s Birthday! ^^

Even the game won’t let you have a GF, P5. XD

HEATHCLIFF STOP PICKING BABY SHARK

(almost sure they’re famous in the competitive scene... I don’t know them tho LOL)

I woke up one morning to find there was no internet.

FUCK ME

I knew mobile data was going to result to multiple disconnects, but thank fuck I had lots of challenge points to spare. I passed the time productively, and by the time I was done, internet was back. Whew.

Rank update: currently T8. ^^

More of Ghostkillers x Senbonzakura and JFC that name tho P2

Shitpost comment XD

First time seeing 2 other T10 contenders in the same room: Itsuki and Ghostkillers.

Probably the point where I started spamming Tokimeki Poporon instead of Home Street.

Also there’s a looot of interesting names in Bandori.

As a YukiRan / MocaLisa shipper (well more of SayoLisa nowadays), it is my job to destroy players 1, 3, and 5. >:(

Wallet: IT’S NOT POSSIBLE

Me: NO, IT’S NECESSARY

...aaaaaand I immediately threw away 10k stars hoping for Megane Ran, but got shit. (This would later force me to make 2 more purchases XD Seriously though, I could have saved a lot of money with a better star purchase plan)

I got Loli Rinko tho. <3

Which day was this...? I think this was the moment I knew Ghostkillers has given up. I was laughing my ass off reading the comments. I think everyone of us was half-dead at this point. XD

And so we’re down to the final 11.

I’ve started considering the possibility at this point that I might be the final one to bow out.

OMG I CAN’T SEE PLAYER 2

BUSHIDO~!

I was feeling the despair at this point, and thus started singing Komm Susser Tod

I do mini-sprints in the morning, so I’m T6 here. I usually fall back down to ~T9 in the afternoon.

I usually level up once per event. I started this event from Rank 193. :)))

(well it was technically 192, but I was like 2 games away from leveling up)

XD

There are no experts in this room :v

Jumpin = NO FEVER, but picks meta song anyway. Okay. :v

Hey! All Random!

Game: DID SOMEONE ASK FOR A META SONG

I have a lot of friend requests at this point (probably from people seeing me on the T10 list), but I don’t have enough space to accept them all :((

Bread-themed profile!

Poppin’ Party, Puff n’ Pastry... get it?

Itsuki started spamming BOF at this point.

Doki doki~

HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME~ ♪ ♫

P1 is an IRL friend :))) I’d later tease her about how slow she is picking songs LOL

Some Initial D reference for overtaking :P Of course I was badly falling behind at this point (T9 is hella dangerous), but I had no choice but to continue to believe in the math (and that early overtaking is a bad choice).

“Early moves lets your opponents recover from mental shock.” - Ryosuke Takahashi, Initial D 3rd Stage

No seriously, that’s exactly what I was thinking of. And also “Not yet, not yet, now” from Ford v Ferrari.

P1 & P5 get married already...

FINAL NIGHT.

I’m down to T11, and everybody else already did 2.3M-sprints some hours earlier, and have considerably slowed down.

I, on the other, was about to go to sleep. Yes, I, the current T11, was about to let the others pull away. All I could do was believe in the Math at that point, because let me tell you-

I had 105k challenge points left. That’s 3.4M event points I had yet to sprint.

This was during the final morning, 9 hours before event ended. When I woke up that morning, my heart was pounding like crazy. What if everybody has pulled ahead?

When I finally checked, most of the T10′s were still in the 17M-range. Itsuki was on T10, and he was only 500k away. I knew at that point that my chances were pretty good; however, I shut up about it, set my comment to “Now Playing: Running in the 90′s”, and got to work.

There was nothing else I could to but consume all the CP I had left. No more tracking. A literal 5-hour non-stop sprint to 19.2M points. If they can still catch up even after they’ve already expended their CP yesterday, then maybe I don’t deserve this T10 after all.

All I need to do was beat one of them. It was me or them.

Holy shi-

I wasn’t out of the woods yet, had to make sure at least one of them didn’t overtake me. Of course that was more up to them, since I didn’t have any strength left (my thumb stopped working at that point, no seriously, it’s still not working properly even today). I also didn’t have any significant stars left.

I managed to sneak in a few songs, but that was it. I was done. The others managed to close the gap, but I stayed in T6.

And then the event was over.

I fucking did it.

------

I would later learn that this was the bloodiest (Challenge Live) event in the history of ENdori. In one redditor’s words, I “ ...sure picked a hell of a time to go for it.”

I had no choice. This is Megane Ran we’re talking about. <3

I had some idea tbh, because I managed to read a tweet in the middle of the event, that “this was one lit T10″. Apparently we were on track to beat the previous record-holder, which was Sayo’s Umbrella event.

I’m... really glad to have been part of this event. I feel so darn proud of myself. >:3

But I couldn’t have done it without the help of the Grand Room. Seriously, I only played in the Grand Room.

Remember this?

I don’t have (competitive) friends. :))) So thank you, all. *bow*

I’d like to thank IRL-friend otearaisu over at twitter for putting up with my excessive score projection updates. XD I have a really detailed excel sheet to check if I was on track or not, and whenever there were developments, I’d always tell him about it, even in the dead of the night. XD

------

Would I ever do this again? Probably not. This was the only event that I knew I really wanted to go for, and I don’t see that changing any time soon. Maybe I’ll get a couple of T100′s in the future, but that’s it. ^^

See you in the lobby~

[katsens-writing]

See You Again, Part 2

Summary: Peter goes to work and Tony takes a flight over memory lane.

Content: Bittersweet memories, talk of nightmares, a little homesickness. A little bit of language. ENDGAME SPOILER. Let me know if I need to add anything.

Word Count: About 3.8k (Doesn’t include recap.)

A/N: This story was inspired by a post I saw and a conversation I had about it. If you haven’t seen Far From Home, don’t worry, this is spoiler-free, however if you haven’t seen Endgame this does have a spoiler. If you want to be added to the taglist, let me know! This part is emotional. My ask box is open if you want to yell at me! Thanks to @itsallavengers and @wisemanwhodoesntknow for the inspiration!

---

     The doors slid open automatically as he walked in. Tony walked over to his bed and sat down on it, kicking off his shoes. He had one hell of a headache and the light shining through the window was not helping one bit.

     “FRIDAY, do something about the light, would you?” he asked as he pulled his legs up onto the bed with a groan. “And tell Pepper not to wake me.”

     “Yes, boss,” FRIDAY answered, her lilt soothing to Tony’s ears as the windows tinted. Tony closed his eyes and settled into his bed, still dressed except for his shoes.

     “Goodnight, boss,” FRIDAY spoke softly as Tony drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

---

     Peter’s alarm sounded and he turned it off immediately. He hadn’t slept well but that wasn’t anything new. That had been happening long before this mission started. He hadn’t slept well since Tony died. When he did manage to sleep, his dreams were plagued with guilt and fear. Every time he closed his eyes at night he would see Tony fighting Thanos. He would watch helplessly as Tony threw himself at Thanos and swiped the Infinity Stones. He would scream at him, begging him to stop, pleading with him to give him the gauntlet, but it was futile. It always ended the same. He would watch in anguish as the stones aligned and the power surged through Tony. He would watch Tony fight through the excruciating pain as the power of the stones literally tore him apart from the inside, burning him from the inside out. Tony would fight through it all to lift his hand and grit out his last words, a defiant hero to his dying breath. He would run up to Tony, begging him to be alright. The image of Tony, white as a ghost, his eyes dark and dull, half his body burnt with the skin withered and charred, seared into his brain.

     Every time Peter would wake up screaming, drenched in sweat, his face and pillow soaked with tears. It had gotten so bad he had to move out from May’s. She insisted he didn’t have to and had begged him to stay but he felt guilty, having her waking up to his screaming every night. He noticed her hair had begun to fade, her eyes were as bright as they used to be and he started to worry about what it was doing to her health. It wasn’t fair to her and so he left.

     That was a small comfort that came from being on this mission; he didn’t have to worry about waking anyone. The dirty motels he stayed in were almost always empty. Peter was rather surprised because out of everything in all the universes he visited, the motel was the most consistent. Fury not only somehow managed to get him a room in a motel in every universe he visited, but somehow managed to get him one at the same motel almost every time. There had been only two exceptions; in one the place had burned down in a fire and the owners never rebuilt. In the other, the whole place had been shut down for a murder investigation. In hindsight, maybe it’s not that surprising to get a room here, Peter thought.

     He got up and shuffled to the bathroom. He turned on the dim light and stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were lined with dark circles and his hair was matted. The bathroom was dingy and nasty and he did his best to avoid using it, but he needed to shower. With a reluctant sigh, he turned on the water. He gasped as the cold water hit his body but he made no move to try and adjust the temperature. He braced himself as he stepped back under the cold water, flinching as the cold shocked his system. By the time he had washed away all the dirt and grime from the night before, his body had gone numb and he couldn’t feel a thing. He got out and dried off before trudging over to his drawer.

     He pulled on some shorts and a tank top before picking up his suit with a sigh. It was nice enough. It fit him perfectly like his other suit because it was modeled after it. In a way, it was exactly the same, but it was completely different. It was almost entirely black from head to toe with red accents around the wrists, hands, ankles, and feet with a dark red ‘v’ that stretched from one shoulder to the other and curved down to the center of his chest. The mask worked the same more or less because it was one of his old masks, one of the first ones Tony gave him. Shuri updated it for him some time ago so that it would work the same as his current mask. She did it in case something ever happened to his current one, so he’d have a backup.

     He had been staying at the tower then until he found an apartment. He walked into his room one day and found it in a simple, brown package with a little card that said ‘Happy Birthday’ attached to it. He was really glad no one had been around then to see his reaction when he opened it. For once he was grateful for Shuri always wanting to tweak and improve his uniform and gadgets; when she updated it, she added camouflage sensors. While he already had a stealth suit, the new feature allowed him to change the color of the mask to match any of his suits, including his new one.

     Now if only I could give her the rest of the old suit to do that with, without her going overboard, Peter thought. Maybe I’ll just give her this one once this is all done with. He put the suit on and engaged the mask, the eyes adjusting as it powered on and his vision focused.

     ‘Ok, Karen, let’s go see what the monitors have for us tonight,” he stopped when he saw his bag on the floor next to his bed. He knelt beside it and unzipped it before grabbing his webshooters out of it. Fury told him that under no circumstances was he to show his face or to do anything that could reveal who he was, but there was no way Peter was going to go on a mission without his webshooters. He didn’t really need them, thanks to the board Quentin gave him. It was a hoverboard, but that’s not what Quentin called it. Peter preferred calling it what it so obviously was, rather than using the over-complicated, super-technical name Quentin had given it, not that remembered what it was anyway. He liked the board enough but it could never replace his webshooters from Tony, so Peter managed to sneak them when he first left for the mission. He stuffed the rest of his belongings in his bag and slung it over his shoulder. He wasn’t leaving until morning, but he wanted to have his stuff with him in case he didn’t get a chance to come back before it was time to leave. He’d made that mistake two universes ago and he’d almost lost his favorite backpack because of it.

     Peter slipped the webshooters on and opened the window. As he climbed out, Karen brought up a map of the monitors spread throughout the city. The ones that had recorded any change were marked with a green dot, the ones that were the same were marked yellow, three were marked with red. That meant they hadn’t recorded any data recently or were otherwise not operating.

     “Ok Karen, let’s check out those red ones first,” Peter yawned.

     “Yes, Peter. Take a right out of the alley and go two blocks,” Karen replied. A few minutes later Peter was on the roof checking out the monitor. He held up his wrist and told Karen to scan it.

     “The monitor is completely operational,” she reported.

     “Huh. I guess it just didn’t have anything to report,” Peter shrugged. “On to the next one. Five blocks west, three blocks east?” he asked.

     “Five blocks west, three blocks east,” Karen confirmed. Peter decided to take the long way to the next monitor because it went right by one of the green ones and he thought he’d stop along the way and check it out. He landed on the roof of a worn-down apartment building. He pulled back his mask and walked across the roof to an open space behind the stairwell. As he drew closer to its spot, the air in front of him rippled as if he were approaching a mirage. The air stilled and revealed the monitor, hidden by a built-in cloaking device.

     “That never gets old,” Peter smiled to himself. In spite of everything that had happened to him, he still managed to find joy in the little things. He had to. “Ok, whatcha got for me, tiny?” Peter muttered as he looked over the monitor. The basic readings looked more or less the same. Peter tapped a few buttons on the screen and checked the advanced readings. One particular scan from the day before showed some weird patterns in the air pressure, but it hadn’t been anything big enough to attract attention from the media. Still, Peter thought he should make a note of it for when the data was sent back to Quentin and Fury. Peter flagged the scan and set the monitor back to stealth mode before heading on to the next monitor. He checked the alleyway before he began his climb down. As he descended, he passed by an open window and he heard some soft voices inside.

     “One more story, pleeeeease?” A little girl asked. Peter stopped the second he heard the little voice.

     Just like Morgan, he smiled wistfully to himself. He missed his little sister.

     “You said one more story three stories ago,” an older female sighed.

     Peter couldn’t help but chuckle quietly at that. Definitely like Morgan.

     “I promise this time. Just one more Spider-Man story.” Peter perked up in curious surprise at the little girl’s request. He peeked around the corner and saw her sitting in the middle of her bed surrounded by a fluffy, light pink comforter and several pillows of various shapes, colors, and sizes. She had long, wavy dark brown hair and big, innocent eyes. In her hands, she clutched a red and blue Spider-Man plushie to her chest.

     A long, relenting sigh came, followed by the older female’s voice. “Alright kiddo, but just one more, then it’s off to sleep with you.”

     “Yay!” The little girl squealed.

     “Once there was a--”

     “Wait, I’m not ready yet!” Another sigh from the other female as the little girl burrowed into her pillows. “’kay, now you can start.”

     “Once there was a very brave man with spider powers. He was very nice and helped people all the time. Everyone loved him because he was so kind and they called him Spider-Man. One day a man named Loki came from another planet to try and take over the earth. He had powers like Spider-Man too, only his powers were different and he used them for evil. Loki wanted to rule the world but Spider-Man and his friends wouldn’t let him. Spider-Man and his friends, the Avengers, teamed up with Loki’s brother Thor and together they fought against Loki and his army of really ugly aliens. The battle was long and dangerous, but they never gave up, even when they were starting to lose. Just when they thought they were done for, Spider-Man snuck up behind Loki and shot a web out and snatched his scepter! He used the scepter to order the aliens to go back home. Once they were all gone, he closed the portal with the scepter and then he broke it in half like a toothpick!”

    “And then Spider-Man joined the Avengers?” The little girl asked, her eyes wide in excitement.

     “And then Spider-Man j- hey, have you heard this story before?” The older girl’s sleek, dark hair parted along the back of her shoulders as she put her hands on her hips in mock suspicion.

     The little girl broke out in a fit of giggles. “Maybe...”

     The older girl chuckled. She bent over and tucked the little girl in bed. “Goodnight, Allie.”

     “Goodnight, Sasha,” the little girl mumbled sleepily. “Sweetest dreams, sissy.”

     Sasha smiled tenderly at the words her parents started to say to her when Sasha was born. She placed a kiss on her little sister’s forehead. “Sweetest dreams, baby girl.” Sasha walked quietly to the door and turned off the light. She stood there and watched her little sister for a moment before softly closing the door, leaving it open just a crack.

    Peter thought about the story the older sister had told. He hadn’t been Spider-Man yet when the invasion happened in his universe, at least not really. It was before the day Tony came to his and May’s apartment and asked him if he was Spider-Man, before his life changed forever. He remembered being on a school field trip to the museum and seeing the Hulk and Thor go by fighting side by side and working together to take out a whole squadron of the aliens. He managed to sneak away from his group long enough to ensure his class got safely to the basement before returning. Everyone was too scared to notice he had been gone, which was both a relief and a little concerning. Concerning for obvious reasons, but a relief because he really didn’t think his teacher would buy his excuse that he left his group to go to the bathroom in the middle of an alien invasion.

     Peter blinked his eyes rapidly and shook his head to clear his thoughts, bringing himself back to reality. “Back to work,” he muttered to himself. He still had a small smile on his face when he reached the next monitor. It was probably going to stay with him all night and honestly, he didn’t mind it one bit. He’d found so little to be happy about on this mission, being away from his home, his friends, and his family for so long. The fourth monitor was a bit farther away, so it took him a little longer to get there, even with the hoverboard.

     When he arrived, he walked to where Karen told him the device would be, but it didn’t reveal itself. He stretched his arms out and felt around blindly for it as if feeling his way around an unfamiliar room in the dark.

     “Karen, switch to heat vision,” Peter spoke. He doubted it would work considering the device had been made to be undetectable, but he figured it was worth a shot. His goggles switched to the warm colors of his heat vision and he looked around. He saw a cat or raccoon running down the alley below and a few birds roosting on the roof across the way but no sign of the monitor.

     “Great,” Peter muttered. “Better send a report to Quentin from the next green monitor.” Peter went from monitor to monitor, not finding anything too exciting. The last monitor that hadn’t been working just needed to be reset. Once Peter had finished at the eighth monitor, he sat down on the edge of a roof with his legs dangling below.

     “So Karen,” he sighed. “What do you say we check the yellow ones? It’s not like we’ve got anything better to do tonight.”

     “Ok, Peter. There’s another red one too. Would you like to check it first?” Karen inquired.

     Peter’s brow furrowed. “Another red one? We checked those already.” He brought up the map again and sure enough, there was a glowing, red dot on the map. His frown deepened. “I checked that one already, it was green earlier...”

     “Yes, you made a note of the data,” Karen agreed. “Something must have made the device go offline since then. Would you like me to remind you to tell Quentin and Fury tomorrow?”

     “Yeah. In the meantime, I’ll go check it out. There’s a few yellow ones not too far from it anyway.”

- -

     When Tony naturally woke up the sun had gone down. He quietly rolled out of bed and walked over to the elevator. He pressed the button and waited, lost in his thoughts. The doors slid open and he walked in.

     “Boss?” FRIDAY spoke questioningly once the doors closed. Maybe she thought he had changed his mind. Maybe she hoped he had. She wasn’t sure if this was good for him.

     “Take me to it,” he replied somberly.

  “Ok, boss.” The elevator began to move in complete silence. Once the doors opened, Tony paused for a second before stepping into his lab. He hadn’t stepped foot in the lab in five years. Harley had become his head of Research and Development some time ago and took over for him. He still designed some things, but Harley was the one who made them. It may have been five years since he had been in the lab, but he still knew his way around it. He desperately wanted to be anywhere else, as if every cell and sinew of his body were repulsed by the walls and floor of the room itself, but he forced himself to go.

     So with muscle memory acting as autopilot, his feet carried him right to his destination. He walked slowly to the panel and held his hand up to it but nothing happened. He frowned and pulled his hand away and looked at it. Dust. He leaned forward and blew on the wall panel, sending a puff of dust flying into the air. Once the panel was clear, he placed his hand on it again and a thin beam of green light crawled down it, scanning it.

     Several sections of the wall split open and there was a hydraulic hiss as several display cases slid forward, containing his various suits. Stealth suits, subterranean suits, extreme condition suits, nanotech suits, each one more impressive than the last, but Tony ignored all of them. Tony didn’t stop until he found the suit he was looking for- the Mark XLVI. He stepped up to the suit and brushed some dust off the shoulder of it wistfully.

     “It’s been a while,” he whispered. He placed his fingers around the frame for the arc reactor on the suit and it lit up. He pressed a button and the suit opened up to let him in. Harley had done a great job restoring it and maintaining it along with all his other suits. He should really thank him sometime if he ever sees him.

     He stepped into the old suit and it felt like it had just been yesterday when he last wore it. Tony shook his head fondly with a faint smile playing on his lips at the memory of Peter introducing himself to everyone as he was fighting them. When he saw Peter go down that day at the airport, his heart stopped. When Peter rolled over, a wave of relief hit him so hard that he almost went down himself. Right at that moment was when he realized- the second this kid swung into his life, it would never be the same again.

     “Alright, let’s do this one more time,” Tony whispered. He tapped the center panel on his chest and the suit closed around him. The suit’s eyes began to glow as it powered up and his vision came into focus.

     “Ready when you are, boss,” FRIDAY chimed. Her voice held barely-contained excitement and Tony couldn’t help but smirk.

     “Happy, are we?” Tony asked, his eyebrows arching.

     “It’s just been awhile boss,” FRIDAY replied sheepishly and Tony swore he could see her blushing if she was human.

     “It has,” he agreed before his face shifted into a sly look. “You uh, think you still know your way around the controls?” he asked with a hint of mischief in his voice.

     “Oh, of course, boss. I was actually about to ask you the same thing,” FRIDAY replied innocently.

     “When did you get so cheeky?” he asked, his face contorted in faux disgust.

     “I learned from the best,” FRIDAY replied nonchalantly and Tony imagined she would be shrugging if she could.

     “You’ve been talking to Harley?” Tony raised an eyebrow.

     “No, he doesn’t talk much really.”

     “Ok then, smartass, what do the scanners say?” he asked, rolling his eyes.

     “So far, nothing. Things are pretty quiet at the moment.” The AI reported.

     “Good. Quiet is good,” Tony answered a little too quickly as his stomach jumped a little. Maybe I should’ve eaten something, he thought, deciding to blame it on that. “Let’s go, Fri.”

     Tony walked toward the balcony and the door slid open. He stepped out and walked up the few steps to the launch platform and the memories of thousands of takeoffs and landings came flooding back, like a silent movie playing back for only him. In spite of his every intention, he was kind of enjoying being back in one of his suits. It felt good to be in a suit again after such a long time, even if it was just for the night.

     Tony flew silently in the suit over the city below, scanning the streets for any sign of trouble, but true to what FRIDAY had said, the city was quiet. He admired how smoothly the suit still flew and how quiet it was, even quieter than it had been before, and he thought for the second time that night that he should really get together with Harley sometime and thank him.

     Tony flew over a familiar neighborhood below as a soft breeze blew in the cool night. A grocery store, a deli, a movie theater... places he had never been to but he knew them well. A school he had been to a time or two, a church, and a cemetery.... Tony kept flying above the neighborhood until he came to a block he knew from countless visits.

     The lights in May’s house were off and he figured she must have gone to bed already. Tony had taken to calling May and checking in on her once a week since Peter went off to MIT, and occasionally if he was in the area, he would stop by for a visit and see if she needed any help around the house. Her stove was a frequent source of frustration for her, and more times than not, she would rather order takeout than deal with it. That may have been a blessing in disguise at times, he thought with a slight cringe, remembering the date loaf he’d had when he first met Peter and May.

     “Ok, Fri, everything looks secure here. How about we head back for the night? Or we could--” Tony stopped mid-sentence and frowned as a glow from several blocks over caught his attention. “What...?”

     “Boss, the police scanner is going crazy with chatter. I- I can’t make it out, but--”

     FRIDAY’s voice was cut off as Tony slid back his mask. He wanted to see for himself. A cold wave of fear hit him and his blood ran like ice through his veins. A knot of terror clenched in his stomach as he engaged the mask and blasted off in the direction of the glow. “Not again,” he whispered.

---

Previous part   Next part   Masterlist   Buy me a coffee?

Tags: (If you want to be added, just send me an ask or a message, it’s no trouble at all!) @xmarveled @parkerspicedlatte @myworstdays @bla-369

[prorevenge]

Insult me for my efforts? I'll ruin your holiday.

I'm on mobile, so sorry in advance for formatting/typos. I never thought that I'd post here but I've finally gotten my share of justice boner (although maybe not as pro as y'all'd like -- as it's still ongoing, suggestions are solicited)!

My dad and I have been planning to hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu for about a year, to start on father's day (he'll soon be 60 so I wanted to help him cross this item off his bucket list before he gets older).

A coworker of my dad's decided that he wanted to join in on this trip with his daughter, and as it was my first trip to South America, I thought there would be some strength in numbers in case we run into trouble, and I accepted.

My dad's coworker (let's call him 58 because that's his age as well as his IQ) has never traveled much aside from Italy (through a package tour), and was completely inexperienced in traveling solo. As we began to plan this trip, his answer to everything became "I'll just do whatever you guys are doing (read in your best idiot's voice)."

Whatever, I was determined to make this trip the best one for my dad, and it wasn't a big deal for me to make the reservations for 4 people instead of 2, so despite the fact that 58 and his daughter (let's call her NP, for Nachu Picchu, obviously) were not pulling any weight on the trip planning, I was glad to do it, and happy to help 58 and NP experience the world (NP has never traveled outside of her home country as far as I know).

Unfortunately, trouble began almost immediately. 58 has packed way too much and literally could not handle all of his luggage, leaving me and my dad to carry one of his bags atop our suitcase (he never once said thank you, and my dad was already pissed on day 1). Here are some of their lesser offenses:

- if you've ever traveled Peru, you might know that most first-time travelers follow the same path (often called the Gringo trail), starting in Lima and following a few very small but touristy towns (Paracas, Huacachina, Nazca). Our plan was to stay in these towns for 4 days, where there is no ATM access. So I wrote to 58 many weeks before the trip to bring at least $500-600 usd + 400 soles in cash, to pay for hotel and transportation as well as food, and wrote clearly that he will not see an ATM for 4 days. As soon as we landed in Lima airport, 58 announced that he had precisely $305 and a very low ATM withdrawal limit (around $200 per day). I knew we were in trouble then (we ended up lending him some money to make him shut up whining about money, which he ended up doing daily)

- from that day onwards, 58 began harassing me about ATM every day despite the fact that I have told him that there won't be any ATMs (keep in mind that I'm his co-worker's daughter... Have some dignity maybe?)

- 58 also complained constantly that the Peruvians don't speak English, and that he had no trouble communicating in English on his package trip to Italy. Umm... Sorry for not having taught all the Peruvians English?

- Despite his massive luggage size, both 58 and NP didn't pack everything that they needed for the Inca Trail, and they wanted to spend an entire day shopping for trekking gears. To give you an idea of what these people are like, 58 needed a rubber end to his trekking pole, and wanted our help in finding a store that sells it. When my dad pointed out a store that had hiking sticks on display, he cried out in his whiny idiotic voice "I want the rubber end, not the hiking sticks!" *rolls eyes*

-At the Inca Trail, our hiking group was about 10 women and 5 men, and 58's comment in front of me and NP was "wow, this means all the dudes can have two girls each, eh?" Happy father's day, I guess!

At this point, since it'll become important later, I will honestly and seriously say that 58 seems to have some sort of cognitive problem. He can't usually follow conversations, and even though information was relayed to him, he had trouble either retaining it or processing it, and people usually have to repeat information several times to him before he gets it. So because I noticed this early on in the trip, I tried to be understanding for a long time.

I really tried my best to make this a great experience for them. With my limited Spanish, I was able to get some great deals and some hidden tours that aren't really known to many people yet; I have some fancy lounge access at all airports that lets me bring in unlimited number of guests, so 58 and NP were traveling in style with me, drinking free alcohol and munching on snacks on comfy sofas until boarding time; because I had a year to prepare, we all got great hotels at great prices, etc.

Nonetheless, the real trouble began about a week into our trip. My dad and I had gotten sick of the constant ATM hunting and trekking gear shopping, so we had told 58 and NP that we were going to split, see some sights, and since NP and I have roaming data plans, we'd figure out how to rendez-vous later.

I should have foreseen that 58 would not process this information at once. He somehow understood that we would come back in 15 minutes, and NP, although she understood what our plans were, didn't try to correct 58 (from what I've observed over the week, they don't have a great father-daughter chemistry, and have very little communication -- for example, when 58 was having a really rough time with altitude sickness on the Inca trail, NP was happily hiking at the front of the trip, a couple of hours ahead of her dad, and never once hiked alongside him during the 4 days). So apparently they waited for us in the freezing streets of Cusco for a long time. I'm told that 58 was already pissed at this point.

From here, things took a dramatic turn for the worse rather quickly.

We had just one key to the airbnb that we were staying in, which I had (frankly, didn't trust 58 to not lose it). But NP's phone died and she couldn't find her way back to our hotel for a long time (as they had no part in the trip planning, they had no idea which neighborhood the hotel was in; which landmarks were nearby, etc., although I had of course sent them all the info ages ago).

As a result, my dad and I were locked in our hotel for over an hour waiting for them, and NP and 58 were locked out for an hour. My dad and I eventually went out to take a walk and to hopefully run into them (maybe 20 minutes total) and during this time they came to the hotel, saw the door locked, and became even more pissed.

When they finally came back to the hotel, 58 (who is probably 6'4" to my 5'4") stormed directly in front of me, pointed a finger at my face, and screamed, I AM SO ANGRY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, AND YOU CANNOT TREAT ME LIKE THIS, and proceed to have a temper tantrum for hours (I just locked myself in a room and my dad dealt with 58, during which 58 apparently asserted that the ATMs wouldn't give him enough money and it was my fault, the Peruvians don't speak English and it was my fault, I quoted all prices in USD and Peruvian soles and so I was not honest, NP's phone died and it was my fault, and they got lost and it was my fault). Essentially, he and NP told me that my plans were disorganized compared to 58's package Italy tour, and that I was a terrible person (for your reference, 58's Italy trip cost him $6k, his Peru trip cost him less than $2.5k). What a way to pour my year's efforts for this trip down the drain!

I had had enough, and I decided to take my revenge. With about 8 days to go in the trip, I announced to them that I would no longer travel with them, and that aside from the things that were already booked and paid for, they were on their own. 58 and NP both got very upset, understandably so, and NP made things worse by telling me that I should grow a thicker skin and that I should take this as a learning experience since surely someone else will get mad at me again, and that I cannot burn bridges so quickly like this.

Well, 58 and NP are having a learning experience of their lifetime, being thrown into a country that they have no knowledge of (since they didn't do any research or trip planning on Peru) and neither of them speak any Spanish. NP, an avid Instagrammer who was making 20+ updates while being with me and my dad, hasn't Instagrammed anything since we split. They also missed sights in Cusco such as the Salineras salt mines, Moray, the sun Temple, etc. They're also missing out big time in Lima, but since we still have about 20 hours left here, I won't list our plans here in case they see this (oh, I hope they do!)

Tomorrow our flight leaves at 2:40am from Lima, and 58 and NP will have to make a fun choice; either stay in Lima until around midnight (nights in Lima aren't exactly safe, especially for non-street-savvy travel n00bs) or wait at the uncomfortable and not-so-clean Lima airport for 6-7 hours. In the meantime, my dad and I will be chilling at a VIP lounge, have some free drinks, and try to catch a few winks before boarding. 58 and NP will definitely not be my guests.

Also, in case you're wondering, although 58 is my dad's coworker, my parents are also completely behind me on this; dad is incredibly pissed at 58 and will distance himself as far from 58 as office politics will allow, and has already told 58 that he crossed a line that should never have been crossed; 58 and his girlfriend have been wanting to get closer to my parents for ages and go camping together and whatnot, but my mom has firmly stated that she will never see 58's face ever again.

TL;DR: travel companions who completely relied on my trip planning (and couldn't even follow instructions) made the mistake of screaming at me for their own faults. So I ditched them in a random country that they know nothing about, and took away extra privileges that come with traveling with me (help with language barrier, VIP lounge access etc). If you have more ways to get revenge, let me know.

(source) (story by binbinbin3)

[shahadaye]

5 TIPS TO PROTECT YOUR LAPTOP WHILE TRAVELIN

I've always been lucky myself and except for charging cables and boxer shorts I've never been stolen while traveling. However, many stories tell me that you should protect your technical equipment well. Joe explains in this guest post how to double and triple secure.

I am completely honest with you. My lack of bad experiences and my belief in the goodness of people (or call it naivety) ensures that I handle my technical equipment while traveling partially negligent.

It is quite easy to protect yourself and your laptop while traveling. What possibilities there are (from easy to extreme) shows you guest author Joe Görbert, I recently met in Berlin.

Curtain up for Joe!

For many of us, the laptop is at the heart of our work as digital nomads. One of the biggest horror stories is losing his laptop and possibly being restricted to working weeks for weeks, or even worse, losing irretrievable data.

Many of us may also have legal risks in case of a theft, because as a service provider you are responsible for the security of your customers' confidential data and passwords.

While some afford no-brainer and lose their laptop, on my travels I often see people suffering the loss of this important device (and sometimes other expensive items on occasion) due to less predictable circumstances.

In this article I want you as a long-standing tech Traveling  business plan copywriter who lost themselves for over € 5,000 of equipment during burglaries, robberies, pilfering (secret opening of luggage, such as during bus rides or layovers) and Trick / pickpocketing has my Give the best tricks to you, so you never have to do this terrible experience.

# 1: CHAIN IT- USE ALL THE POWER OF THE LAPTOP LOCK

A laptop lock is part of the basic equipment of every digital nomad. Only in the safest of all accommodations is the laptop left unlocked without supervision.

Above all, combination locks are suitable so that you do not lose the key. Incidentally, you should definitely write down the combination / take a photo somewhere. You do not want to know how often I sat in front of the castle after 4-6 weeks break with blackout.

If there are no objects or pipes in the room (bathroom checked?) To which the laptop can be plugged in when absent, it might be a good idea to connect the laptop to the suitcase.

This also makes the theft difficult, as thieves on the one hand prefer short "in-and-out" operations on the other, but they do not want to have to transport large, visible loot.

Also: If you still have one or the other valuable device lying around, it may be enough to satisfy the thief, and the laptop will stay with you. The less other stolen goods, the higher the likelihood that thieves attack the laptop or even destroy it out of frustration if they do not get rid of it.

# 2: TRY 'N' THREATEN!

If there is absolutely no way to secure the laptop in this way, you can make eye-catching writing notes for a potential thief in English or local language.

The note warns of a built-in GPS tracking and impregnation with artificial DNA, with which the device is traceable. This has already saved me in at least one case.

The affected HP in this episode was second-hand and had therefore incorporated an emblem of a magnet in the cover, which at the time went back to the monitoring system of the previous owner, a company. The thieves have left the device behind, but when they broke into my hotel room, they let other equipment worth over € 900 go along.

Of course, artificial DNA is, by the way, also a very interesting thing, especially if the theft occurs in a country with a functioning security system or there are indications of the perpetrator. Some of the DNA tracking products are very difficult to wash off and they are provided with an additive that is visible under UV light.

# 3: JUST PUT IT ON - BECAUSE MORE IS NEVER WRONG

In the meantime, cut-resistant bags such as the PacSafe , which are also secured with a wire lock , are also available for smaller electronic devices . Of course, all wire locks for a small hacksaw are only a matter of minutes of sawing, but most thieves are occasional thieves and poorly equipped.

A small bike lock and a good suitcase with a smart suitcase lock can also help protect the laptop in places with poor security.

When transporting: shoulder bags are easier to tear away than a backpack, but this can be opened in busy places unnoticed from behind. So think about when choosing your equipment.

A small cable lock is easy to weave on most backpacks through the zippers, but also signals the presence of valuables. It may therefore be useful in certain scenarios, to hang a few plastic bags or a towel on / over the backpack, so you do not come over as possible, someone who transports valuable.

Excursus: Preventive data protection in case of theft

Of course, the importance of protecting personal information and passwords is beyond question. The general access password should be as long and complicated as possible. Absolutely critical information is encrypted ( Truecrypt is unfortunately no longer reasonably continued in the course of the NSA affair, which is why VeraCrypt is  recommended today).

Also, you always need a USB stick or maybe even a written list of passwords that require a password change after a lost laptop (Paypal, email account, etc.).

I also still have somewhere inaccessible hidden a 500 GB hard drive, where again critical work files are on it. I'm trying to update this disk on a monthly basis.

Of course, in this context, it must also be mentioned that there are already lucky people who have moved completely into the cloud these days and manage the majority of their digital treasure (but of course under the permanent supervision of the secret services) in a completely mobile way and one or more potent computers from can control and serve anywhere in the world with good Internet.

They have other data leaks to worry about, but in any case, the loss of their hardware would, in most cases, make them less harsh - provided of course they have protected all access.

# 4: READ YOUR ENVIRONMENT

If someone decides to rob someone else, he needs an opportunity and he has to look for it. You have to search with your eyes. If you are able to spot a potential thief or robber before he or she recognizes you, you have very little chance of being robbed (especially if you've made some preparations that we'll cover in the later stages) to come speak).

In different environments, there are various ways to attack someone openly or to steal by hand or ambush. Always be aware of your surroundings and move accordingly. Do not be lectured or distracted in any other way.

A skilful laptop theft that happens at train stations in Buenos Aires is the push of a person carrying a bag between their legs, just after a key has been thrown from the other side. Most people do not wrap the loop around their legs (highly recommended in principle, especially for physically inferior people).

The victim looks in the direction of where the key was thrown, is pushed from the other side and the bag is torn away. After that, the perpetrators disappear in the labyrinth of the bus station. There are no cameras, there are not even mirrors (would probably bring nothing). The biggest frustration remains.

Only those who are in the mood for even more nerve destruction or equipment insurance should decide to file a complaint with the Argentine police. That's important for the statistics, so one of the policemen said to me on another occasion. The perpetrators are no longer apprehended in this life.

WHEN IT GETS DIRTY - EQUIPMENT FOR DEFENSE

Sometimes, the circumstances, budget, or stupid ideas in the life of a digital nomad dictate that he has to carry expensive equipment in situations that are totally inappropriate.

In order to make the high risk both neurologically-psychological and in the worst case of the pure superiority of firepower manageable, I advise each digital nomad two things.

Once you are familiar with the principles of armed combat (attention, this link has a fierce image of a knife injury), best Krav Maga .

Secondly, you should always have basic self-defense equipment  that will suit your fighting style and physical condition. For many women, this is irritant gas and for men mostly the combination of a strong laser pointer and a small folding knife.

It is not a matter of hurting the offender, but of being able to lead more bargaining power in a dispute , so that a critical damage can be averted.

However, the situation must be read correctly: With an open or suspected hidden supremacy of more than 1 in 3 and the use of firearms, resistance is without question lethal. In the vast majority of cases, however, one is equipped and willing to protect one's stuff, in principle a good opportunity to avert at least the worst by negotiating or responding quickly.

I once knew someone who has built a device in his laptop, which he not only GPS track (see also the following article on built-in GPS tracker ) but allegedly could detonate via Internet command and which in this case destroys the hard drive.

Maybe also an option, if you want to belong to the Extrakrassen. I do not know if the colleagues at the security check it up, but I found it worth mentioning. By the way: Remote Data Destruction Software is also available and should work pretty well.

Conclusion: Some of the hints mentioned here seem to be somewhat violent. But I believe that we are sliding into a future in which we can count less and less on the security forces of the state. At least when it comes to protecting us as ordinary citizens from those who are hungry, hungry and in a laptop of great value.

For us, however, the laptop still has the largest (and immaterial) value. Therefore, we should use all methods of protecting the vehicle of our freedom and prosperity with the utmost care and determination. If you are looking for more information about hp touch screen laptop. visit hp touch screen laptop right away.

[bastetwrites]

Welcome home

I want to thank my awesome beta for helping me with this @imaginal (thank you for dragging me to adashi hell, I love it).

Summary:  When everything was said and done, the only thing Adam wanted was to welcome Takashi home.

Relationships: Adam/Shiro (Adashi)

Warnings: Angst, Character death and depression

On Ao3 

It had been almost two months since he left but Adam could still feel his absence. Hard.  Day 46 without Shiro was, surprisingly harder than day 1. All because now he was painfully aware of how much Shiro, and to some extent Keith too, were parts of his daily routine.

He no longer woke up to the smell of recently brewed coffee and Shiro singing off key in the shower, nor to the sound of laughter and chatter coming from Keith and Shiro in the kitchen while preparing breakfast on weekends.

He had to get used to preparing food for one and forgot to stop buying the sweets Shiro loved but he himself detested. Every damn time.

There were no more small and colorful post it notes with “I love you” or the random flirty phrase hidden on his things. He could never bring himself to throw away the box he’d saved all the previous ones in either.

Adam had always had trouble sleeping, and now sleeping alone was harder. The steady rhythm of Shiro’s heart and the comforting weight of his arm around his middle was missing. He didn't even have the comfort of smelling Shiro on the pillows when trying to sleep at night. It was long since gone. He seemed to be fading little by little from their, his home.

And Keith, gods he wasn't sure what to do about Keith any more. Weekly visits with Keith now consisted on both ignoring their issues during a somewhat quiet lunch. The worst was that Keith was getting into more fights lately and had been reported acting strange “He spaces out a lot and is running a shorter temper than usual” had been the exact words. Adam felt as if he was failing Keith too, but he had no clue as to how approach the issue.

Adam was mad at Shiro for leaving, at himself for returning him his ring and at both of them for not setting things right before he left. He missed Shiro, badly. His absence made him realize that despite the decision he took, Adam still loved Shiro. Shiro was it for him. He swore once he came back he would make things right, apologize and not let him get away from him ever again. Even if he had to follow him into space. He would make the most out of whatever time they had left together if Shiro would let him.

That was his plan, of course, until five minutes ago when he saw the announcement in the news. Shiro was dead. The mission had failed. He punched the wall, then the TV. Tears were rolling down his cheeks and his knuckles were stained with blood. At some point he had broken the table and trashed the rest of the kitchen. That's how Veronica found him 20 hours later, sitting in the middle of the messy kitchen, staring off into the wall with bloody hands.

A bath, a warm meal and some cleaning later they were both sitting on his couch. Veronica had been a godsend at the time, helping him put his shit together enough to get up and do something.

“Oh Adam, you can't do this to yourself. We are gonna talk to the Commander and ask for some time off for you. You should take Keith with you.”

His eyes went wide at the mention of Keith. “Oh my… Keith! Is he okay? Have you heard from him?”

She squeezed his shoulder and looked him in the eyes. “He didn’t take the news well. He has been kicked out of the Garrison and must be packing his things right now. I already asked and the decision is final.”

True to her word he found Keith half an hour later making his way to the exit, things in hand. Adam silently took some of them off his hands and loaded them on his bike. He felt a constricting pain on his chest the moment they finished.

“When Veronica told me you were leaving I figured you would go back to your old place and...I am… not in the best shape right now Keith, but you can stay with me whenever you want to and still visit on the weekends. You know that right?”

Keith finally looked at him and Adam noticed the red of his eyes and the tired but resolute look on his face. Keith gave him a tiny smile and the pain on his chest increased a bit.

“Thank you Adam, I’ll keep it mind but I… I don’t think I’m coming back soon Adam; something is calling to me in the desert and I really need to get out there right now.”

The look Keith was giving him made Adam make up his mind. If living alone in the desert was what Keith needed then so be it.

“Keith... I don’t understand completely but… I won’t stop you. If you really think living in the desert for a while will help you, then I support you just… send me a message every other day so I know you are still alive over there and… call me on the weekends?”

Keith gave him a nod and a quick hug and left the building.

Messages were spare but Keith still sent him an update every once in a while.

He never saw him again though.

Next year was a blur for Adam. After the short leave he took he went back to teaching and started asking for more assignments outside the Garrison. Maybe Keith was right and some distance will do him good. The anger and sadness slowly went away, he only felt numb now. There was a hole in his chest and he didn't know how to fill it so he threw himself into his job and tried to get his life back together with some help from Veronica. The no-nonsense woman became his pillar of strength through the year.

Adam was away when the ship crashed by the Garrison. He didn’t get wind of what happened until weeks later.

Takashi was alive but gone to who knows where, with Keith this time and even though Adam was not exactly happy this was the first time in two years that he could breathe again. A weight lifted off of his shoulders. He cried himself to sleep that night, this time from relief instead of sadness or frustration.

He told Commander Iverson the next day that he no longer wished to get assignments outside of the Garrison. If - when- Takashi returned, he would be there to see it.

Time passed faster than expected and Adam’s life seemed to be on track again. He went back to teaching full time, his apartment no longer felt alien to him and his friendship with Veronica and the other teachers was as strong as ever.

When Sam arrived almost two years later and told everyone what was going on in space, Adam felt oddly disconnected through the debriefing. Shiro was in space with a bunch of teenagers and an alien princess piloting giant kitty robots and saving the universe and Adam never felt so small in his life before. When the meeting ended he threw up in the bathroom.

He knew he was being selfish but he wished he could offer that kind of adventure and fulfilment to Takashi on Earth. Shiro always seemed to want more, to be meant for more. Being the leader of Voltron was perfect for Shiro.

When shit hit the fan and the whole world found out about the aliens, there was a message for him from Keith. Only from Keith.

“Hey Adam… it's being a while. Sorry for not calling… or texting, there is no data plan in space. But I'm okay, so don't worry.”

There was no message for him from Shiro. That’s ok, Adam thought, because Shiro was alive. And maybe he wouldn’t be coming home for a while and maybe they wouldn’t be together anymore as a couple or even as friends but Shiro was alive and Keith was with him and after everything Sam had told them Adam was more than ready to help. Maybe Shiro and Keith wouldn’t be coming home to him, but Adam would do anything in his power for there to still be a place for them to return to.

Then the Galra arrived and Adam got on a ship, ready to fight for Shiro and Keith, for himself and Veronica, for everyone on the Garrison and for Earth.

The fight didn’t last more than a few minutes, their ships were useless against the Galra cruisers and Adam watched his comrades, his friends, fall one by one to the canons. When the blast hit him, he lost consciousness for a few moments. It wasn’t a direct hit, but Adam crashed down hard and fast.

When he woke up, Adam knew he was a dead man.

He could see the sky and the Galra ships from what was left of the right side of his ship. He couldn’t feel his legs and there was blood all over the place. He tried not to take a look at his legs, afraid of what he would or would not see. The heat he felt at his back told him the ship was most likely burning. He tried to move his left arm but couldn’t, it was pinned down to the seat by a piece of metal and he could feel the bile coming up his throat at the sight of it. His right arm and hand were miraculously still functioning, but moving them was too much of a task. He barely had the energy to move his fingers.

His vision was starting to blur and his strength was draining away, but still, Adam tried and failed to take out the single picture he always carried with him in his jacket. Unable to move anymore, tears started to run down his cheeks from both pain and frustration. His breath was labored and he could feel himself starting to lose consciousness again.

“Takashi…”

The picture was old, from over five years ago, and showed a much younger Adam, hand in hand with an equally younger Shiro, eating ice cream and smiling widely with matching blushes tinting their cheeks. It had been their first date.

“... Sorry…”

Adam could only think about the picture, and how he wished he could see Takashi’s smile one last time. He thought about not being able to welcome Takashi home and closed his eyes.

“...Love you.”

Back in the Garrison, Adam’s vitals went black.

[sapphicbookclub]

Author Spotlight - Helena Hill

Today I’m happy to introduce you all to a debut author Helena Hill, who wrote Long Steady Distance (for which we’re also holding a giveaway that you can find here if you want to win a copy). Rad forth to learn more about her and writing process when it’s not your full time job.

Guest Post by Helena Hill:  Writing With a Full-Time Job

I’ve been writing my whole life, but I’m not a full-time writer. I’m a full-time customer support monkey at a software company. Actually, typically I’m a full-time-plus-too-much-overtime customer support monkey. Sometimes I hate having to be nice to people all day, but other than that I love my job.

But I think sometimes people feel like they only get to call themselves a “writer” if that’s their main thing they do. But I disagree– I think that, as long as you write, you are a writer. Even if more of your time is spent at work or with childcare or with school. So here are my three best pieces of advice for anyone who is a writer– but also has to work full-time at something else.

1. Know why you’re writing

I used to think that the eventual endgame of my writing was to become a full-time author. My goal was to write and write, learn and fail and try again, until I made a name for myself. Until I could support myself solely based on the ideas I had in my head, translated into words on pages.

But this year I sort of noticed that that’s not really my dream anymore. And I realized that I’m not writing for an external goal, like money or fame. (There are many, many more practical ways to attain those goals.) I’m not even writing for a job any more. I love my career in tech and I think I can do some good in the world with it with it. 

I came to the realization that I write because writing brings balance to my life. When I’m lonely, I write warm scenes. When I’m bored, I write scary scenes. And when I feel like tearing my hair out over a customer support ticket, I write scenes where somebody gets their ass handed to them. I picked up Long Steady Distance for the first time in years after going through a nasty breakup, and just needing that kind of softness in my life. 

Writing allows me to process and puzzle out whatever it is I’m thinking, feeling, and learning. It’s how I make sense of the world. I don’t write because I want to, I write because I need to in order to stay sane and thoughtful about the world.

That’s not the only reason to write, though. Why do you write? What keeps you dreaming and plotting and outlining and editing and scribbling notes on napkins? Whatever it is, that’s what will keep you going.

2. Always be prepared

If you’re a full-time writer, it’s your job, and you can dedicate eight hours a day to it. But if you’re a full-time office drone (or waitress or mom or engineer or literally anything else that takes first priority for your time and effort) that also wants to write, you need to be ready to write anytime inspiration strikes. because it does NOT ALWAYS STRIKE WHEN YOU ARE READY FOR IT.

Here are some of the places that I was really productive writing-wise in the past year:

at work, after everyone else has left, while blasting eighties bangers

crammed in the backseat of a minivan while driving around for the holidays

in the basement of a freshman dorm of a college that I am in no way affiliated with-On the MBTA.

at my kitchen table while my roommates graded their students’ tests

on our living room sofa while my roommates watched The Office

at the cafe near my house

at the bar near my house

Places I was NOT very productive writing-wise in the past year:

at my desk at home

For me personally, all my best ideas happen when I’m in transit, and all my most productive writing hours happen in places where there’s a little bit of noise and distraction to tune out. (Your mileage may vary.)

Here’s how I stay ready: always have my current notebook with me. (I write in one-subject wirebound notebooks. I never pay more than $2.) Always have a pen with me. (I’ve gotten into trouble on this one. As a result, the Notes app on my phone is a real hot mess.) Always have my laptop with me. But more importantly, do things online. All my work trackers and typed drafts are in Google Drive. I access them on my work computer, my personal computer (which is actually my work computer from my old job), my friends’ computers, library computers, etc. 

I keep all of this information obsessively organized (see next item). Plus, the advantage here is that if I have one of my trackers open at work, it looks like, well, work. Don’t tell my manager.

3. Set goals and track your work

I can think of a few well-known authors famously have disciplined page count and word requirements, daily goals.

That does NOT work for me! Because guess what. I have that kind of daily discipline for my full-time job. That means I have to keep myself accountable to my writing while acknowledging that I’m never going to be able to dedicate the same 8-10 hours a day I give to my regular job. So here’s how I set goals and track my work, since I will never be able to sit down and meet an expected word count every day.

Every couple of years, my goals reset. That means I give myself a two-year deadline to finish or get to X% complete of three projects. For example, my goals that expire on Jan. 25, 2018 were to self-publish Long Steady Distance, get to 75% completion on another project (working title BSR), and get to 25% completion on another project (working title SC).

That means I have a lot of wiggle room, but also hinge a lot of my identity and self-esteem on whether I complete them or not. If it’s two years later and I’ve made no substantial progress, I feel like I don’t get to identify as a writer anymore. But if it’s been two years and I’ve finished something, I am a writer, albeit a slow one that also spends a lot of time on work and relationships.

I also track my work in relation to my goals and due dates. At work, I need to track progress on my projects and support tickets. I use spreadsheets for this purpose. I actually really love this: seeing raw data that shows at a glance how far I am and how far I have to go. So now, I do it for my writing, too!

So I track my progress in these insane trackers that count my progress against due dates via word count. Google still hasn’t responded to my feature requests about allowing word counts from documents to dynamically update into spreadsheets, but manual is fine for me for now.

My tracker for Long Steady Distance.

Tracking this data means that I have flexibility in when I write and how much. I take a lot of days off. Sometimes, my job is stressful and I go a few weeks without writing. But having this tracker also means that I’m accountable. It means that if I choose to not think about writing for a few days, I know exactly how far behind I am relative to where I want to be. And that sometimes triggers that adrenaline response that I get in my real job where I think, “Oh shit! Gotta get this little chunker of writing done right now!”

BUT. BUUUUT. That’s what works for me. Remember, you should do whatever works for you. Not everyone gets as hot and bothered over spreadsheets as I do. Maybe you want to keep a daily progress journal, or go on a monthly rant to your mom, or publish works in progress on your blog. Remember, some things maybe sound better or more writerly, but whatever keeps you putting words on the page over the long haul is valuable. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as it makes you accountable to someone (even if that’s just yourself), and keeps you moving even when you’re tired of writing and working.

In conclusion:

Writing’s not just sitting in a beautiful window seat drinking tea and thinking great thoughts. In fact, I think I’ve probably spent less than ten minutes over the past five years sitting in window seats. Writing is about turning thoughts into words. So staying realistic, staying accountable, and keeping myself un-pretentious and un-perfectionist is what keeps me working. On top of my work-work.

So I hope that, if you feel an urge to write, you write. Even if other things in your life have to take precedence, it doesn’t mean you can’t be a writer. It doesn’t matter if you’re moving slowly as long as you’re moving.

You can follow Hellena on twitter @helenadhill and fine more info about her work on her website here. 

[yerp-thatsme]

Best DDL anime sites 2019

Since I don’t want to try torrent because I’ve read how much virus or malwares usually get when downloading, my only resort would be ddl (direct downloading).

P.S. I’m not a big fan of MEGA since there’s always that bandwidth limit and I don’t have IDM so my go to are usually mirror link creator, rapidshare, solidefiles, etc.

*UPDATE: 2019! I made this post on 2017, two years later, my list hasn’t changed. Hahahaha. Anyways they all still work. But I found out so so so so laaate that you could just download “Poper Blocker” extension on the chrome store to avoid pop-ups on any website. It works! 

*Update 2020: We’re in the quarantine point of our lives (⊙_⊙) Stay safe everyone! Though I don’t actually have any updates as of the moment (since until now the list I made are the ones I’ve used) but I’ll try more now that I’ve started using MEGA  (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)

I’ll try to update the list, but only those site that I’ve actually got to use :D

***

1.    Kissanime (kissanime.ru)

-The top one. The best one actually. Usually have the most updated and –almost- complete list of anime there is. Just need an account to download (if you’re a bored loser like me, go to bugmenot.com to get free accounts) But I never download here. Why? I’m quite picky when it comes to video quality so I usually download 720p. Kissanime has from 360p to 1080p, my only problem would just be the size when it comes to those quality. When its 720p, its size would range from 200-280mb or something more. Though I’m not sure about all the anime but in my experience, kimcartoon (then kisscartoon) also has the same file size when I download 720p videos.  It takes up a lot of data.

*Note: the RapidVideo server has  the three options: 360p, 480p and 720p when downloading. There’s always reCAPTCHA so be patient. Openload is automatic 720p or 1080p in some cases.

2. Animepahe (animepahe.com)

-The BEST (for me ;)) Have a lot of anime and all are hardsubs (can’t turn off/on the subs). No need for account to download. The downside (for some I’m guessing) usually they only have 720p or 1080p, BD (blu-ray), dvd as well but there’s few for 360p or 480p options. BUT even if the quality is 720p, it has the lowest file size. I’ve been to a lot of different ddl sites but from what I saw, they range from 150mb or higher. Animepahe sometimes range from 80-120mb per file size but the quality is still awesome. I’m not sure if the size is the lowest you can get for the quality but it saves me a lot more than 200+ mb for a single 720p episode.

*Note: has reCAPTCHA as well and a looot of pop-up ads. It’s irritating but hey, better than none right? Just exit the ad and go back. (there’s always a one minute interval per download. Told you, patience is the key)

3. Soulreaperzone (soulreaperzone.com)

-This site contains a lot of pop-up ads as well but comes with awesome anime quality with a higher file size. 150mb or more? Not sure but that kind of range. Based from what source you’re downloading, some has dual audio anime as well as soft-sub ones. So if you’re a dub lover (or just a bored reader), the have some anime with both Japanese and English audio. No account needed.

*Note: pop-ups, reCAPTCHA in some and they usually have MEGA, usercloud or solid link files downloading sites.

4. Animechiby (animechiby.com)

-My (back then) go to site until I sometimes shift to animepahe for lowersizes. Have a long list of anime, have great video quality, soft sub at most and usually downloads from solidfiles. Great site. Same with soulreaper, the file size per ep is a bit higher and some anime download links may be either broken, dead or expired. You can comment a request in their request tab for a reupload of anime. No account needed to download.

5. Animecruzers (animecruzers.com)

-Kind of having the same web site design like soulreaper. Similar to soulreaper and animechiby.

6. Hi10anime (hi10anime.com)

-Needs an account to view and download anime. (Make one so that you’ll have your own but sometimes there are still accounts activated placed in bugmenot. Try checking). The site where I download katekyo hitman reborn with awesome video quality (576p? The best quality that time when the anime aired.)

7. Gogoanime (gogoanime.io)

-(Recently checked out this site even though its already a few years old). Anyways, kind of similar with kissanime with very minimal pop-ups and  lot of download options. Downside, same with kiss, the download options are kind of big (unless you’re fine with 360p or 480p.). Nevertheless, awesome anime download site.

 Well, this are some of the few sites I usually go when downloading anime. Remember, almost all of them gives off a lot of pop-up ads so have patience. They’re always the ones I go to for smaller size but awesome quality. I don’t stream since I like watching the series over again in my spare time (or just waste my day actually). There’s a lot more site out there so maybe I’ll try updating this next time I find some good ones.

[deer-coder-blog]

Why I Don’t Switch to Windows 10

On twitter, I made a comment about the coercive and deceptive nudge Windows 7 has to push users of 7th-gen processors to upgrade to Windows 10. Because of the limitations of Twitter, I won't be posting a whole lot about it there. Also, I realize that my opinion is a little bit controversial, and I want to avoid getting into some lame chain of commentary arguing with someone on Twitter about something as asinine as your choice of operating system. That said, here are the reasons I won't be upgrading to Windows 10 (or at least, not just yet.)

The software loaded onto Windows 10 computers is tantamount to bloatware for my use. For starters, it seems Microsoft has taken to installing third-party game applications like Candy Crush for you. This is so bizarre. The developer, King, uses a heavyhanded mixture of microtransactions and ads to monetize the game. I can't say I blame them for trying to make a buck, but that does -not- need to be installed on a computer. People will download shit like that if they really want to play. Another big application that I have a gripe with is all the bloatware included in the new "start" system. Microsoft uses this to push their marketing schemes for their softwares like Skype, Office, and X-Box. Windows updates also include ads like these - stuff that you don't necessarily need, like Office, OneDrive, Skype, and Windows Phone are now advertised directly through your compulsory updates.

Oh, yeah, and they are compulsory. Windows 10 removes the capability to control updates, breaking the functionality for many older machines. One of my laptops uses a network card made by a company that only released ethernet-port support for its driver in early August 2017. I used to use Windows 10 and even used the tech preview, but because of Microsoft's continuous updates without regard for specific user issues, I had to roll that laptop back to Win 7 or lose my ethernet capabilities. And apparently, I was far from alone here. Some people lost their machines! Similar compulsory updates can prove to be a nuisance with aggressive shutdown scheduling and popups. While security updates might be important for a push, compiling a big project or completing a slow FTP download take precedence for me. Removing the capability to control which updates are installed on your machine or when has already proven to create massive security risks that are completely unnecessary.

To jump around a bit, I'm also not very trusting of Microsoft with my personal data, including biometrics such as fingerprint and iris scans. The reasoning for this on a personal level dates back to the days of the Technical Preview. While I realize that I opted into sharing my usage data with Microsoft for the purpose of furthering development, the extent to which my data was collected was... Shocking! The operating system collects keyboard input data including keystroke data through many micorosoft apps including Edge browser. Edge is a whole nightmare of its own, and frankly I'm appalled that Microsoft wouldn't be more forthright with the fact that it collects data about absolutely everything, and openly publishes that data, even bragging about it. I mean, how nifty are these facts?

"Over 44.5 billion minutes spent in Microsoft Edge across Windows 10 devices in just the last month" - they track your edge use time.

"Over 82 billion photos viewed within the Windows 10 Photo app" - I hope you're viewing these on OneDrive!

"Gaming continues to grow on Windows 10 – in 2015, gamers spent over 4 billion hours playing PC games on Windows 10" - Microsoft knows what apps - ALL APPS - you're running, for how long, and whether or not they have focus.

Of course, Windows 10 users do consent to these things. But ask them about whether or not that makes them comfortable, and the answer... probably won't surprise you all that much. I mean, I'm not happy about all the hours I spent on e621 in the Edge browser during my stint with the Technical preview. I mean, along with my financial information collected from the store, my contacts and addresses stored in my OneDrive account, and all the media conveniently backed up as a convenience service, Microsoft likely knew my sexual interests better than I did! And on boy did I love that Metro interface, offering me sweet convenience and gloss at a trade-off of giving away what images I look at, for what amount of time, where my cursor hovers, what videos I watch, and even how I procure those pictures and videos. Windows 10 is a privacy nightmare, and if you think you can change some settings in the fragmented, awkward settings and control panel menus, you're mistaken.

Microsoft can use the data they collect to throw you in jail, and they will - PRISM is a program that many tech companies participate in, where authorities can essentially request and receive otherwise private data. Microsoft has a big track record of doing this very thing, and I can see why. It serves their interests to do everything they can to fight software piracy. But before you start talking about how "criminals should pay" or that you have "nothing to hide," please take a look at this article for more information on why that's a load of bullshit.

Another thing I'd like to talk about is the convenient assistant Cortana! Cortana is a service that I have never used myself and never seen others use. Despite that fact, Microsoft is hopeful about its future and continually develops it. This service, aside from occupying 3gb of RAM in my test system, is a persistent service that cannot be stopped through conventional means. It collects and phones home about your searches, application launches, voice data, and more. By using these near-compulsory services, "you grant to Microsoft a worldwide and royalty-free intellectual property license to use Your Content." This data can be sensitive, especially with the introduction of the omnibox that will conveniently open a Bing search with Edge if you want to search the web. This way, not only can Microsoft funnel you into their data collection pipeline, but they can also inject their own curated ads and sponsored content to pad their bottom line! What's more, new systems with Windows 10 S can't change their default browser or search. This has the effect of victimizing the less tech-literate and poorer crowds among us. I'm sorry, but I'm not of the perspective that it's okay to prey off the poor, elderly, and preoccupied simply because it's convenient to do so.

Some things I don't like about Windows 10 is the egregious dishonesty, implied risks, and hush-hush nature about motivation for getting people to upgrade. I'm not one to support the interest of such a profitable corporation if they give no real reason, but a lot of the "reasons" Microsoft has provided for motivation to get users to upgrade to Windows 10 have been... Questionable. For example, Microsoft pushed coercive, obtrusive updates onto users of Windows 7 and Windows 8.1. A "security update" for Windows 7 and 8.1 systems was actually an ad campaign. If you did this upgrade when it was free, you likely remember seeing a popup along the lines of "it's time to upgrade to windows 10" with a button that stated "Upgrade Now!" You may have even been interrupted from your Netflix binge or Counter-Strike competitive game for it. Important stuff! They're just trying to make sure their valued customer doesn't miss out! On my newest computer, I installed Windows 10 and found that a clever Security Update had installed a bit of "useful" deceptive information about support for my Kaby Lake processor! Apparently, Windows 7 does not support this hardware... Or, maybe that was a lie that got them into a lot of trouble? Call me paranoid, but this is just ridiculous. Microsoft has pushed it many steps further now, and asked Intel and AMD to drop support for integrated graphics in anything but Win 7. To account for this, I had to download a hack onto my computer that modified my system files to have the CPU update and operate like any other. It's not about support, it's about forcing people to switch. This "it's time to upgrade" schtick they've been on about is like when you go to a car dealership and get offered a new Mercedes for half the sticker price, and the dealer keeps calling you dumb for not taking the offer because it's an "amazing deal" and you "can't afford to miss this opportunity." You can usually check in in a little bit to find that the person who bought the car later found that it was stolen or flooded beforehand. It all kind of comes back to this term I've been throwing around - coercive. Microsoft doesn't even respect people who disagree and want to keep their operating system. Microsoft will flat out lie about risks to get users to switch. That's not some bitter medicine routine, that's interest-based coercion. And that's why I'm sticking to 7.

Addendum: Why don't you use Linux, Dakota? Simple answer. I would, but I'm addicted to Windows-only games that aren't being developed due to DX12 being a Windows-only thing for now. Maybe I'll switch if dev companies will actively work for it, but they don't seem interested in supporting less than 4% of the remaining systems out there.

[harshabennur]

Everest Base Camp - A noob's journey

Day 1:

I am sitting on the floor at the chaotic domestic airport at Kathmandu, Nepal. March 4th 2017 was the day I decided to trek to the Everest Base Camp. In hindsight, I have no clue why I decided to do this arduous activity. I am fortunate to have met Jamling Norgay (son of the great Tenzing Norgay) a few times. Jamling motivated me to do this trek when I last met him on March 4th.

Before I say anything further, its best you know that I havent done any form of writing (expect emails!) in a long long time. If memory serves right, the last time I wrote more than a paragraph was during my B school days. So, it will be ideal if you set low standards of writing from this blog!

Also, pardon me if I keep going back to events before I started this trek once in a while. I do not know how tough this trek is going to be, but the prelude to this trek has definitely been a real challenge (I am nursing an injured and severely abused lower back).

I had initially planned to do this trek alone. Maybe some sense prevailed later and here I am with my office buddy Manu, both embarking on something we don't know how well we are prepared for. We landed in Kathmandu yesterday around 3.30 pm. While the immigration is smooth, collecting your baggage is a looong wait. A short 15 minute drive brought us to our stay for the night - Hotel Thamel. A small and clean hotel, ideal for overnight stay. Our guide - Durga ji was waiting for us to complete our paperwork - permit, flight tickets to Lukla, coordinates of the guide at Lukla, his fees, etc. He also gave us 2 massive duffel bags to carry our luggage. Once done, we stepped out to get some essentials - local sim card with 10 GB data :), sleeping bags for rent, hiking sticks and a few knick-knacks.

Strongly recommend the food at Thamel House Restaurant (a short walk from our hotel). A sumptuous dinner and tasting authentic local cuisine - done. This part of the city doesnt seem very crowded. The locals seem very friendly and speak Hindi decently well.

Durga ji had given strict instructions that we could pack a maximum of 10 kilos each in our duffel bag which would be carried by our guide/porter. This turned out to be a serious challenge. Despite being extremely choosy about what we packed in our luggage, it was impossible to fit in all essentials within the given weight restriction. It took us a few visits to the hotel reception where the weighing scale was located and removing more gear (some really essential) to bring down the weight to 10 kilos. I am really worried about leaving out few critical peices of clothing - have left behind 2 warm tees, one thermal inner lining and a pair of hiking shorts. We ended up not carrying many other important things - the long range lens of my DSLR camera, the camera bag which now leaves the camera vulnerable to damages, sports shoes for post hike moving around, etc. Not to mention, we left behind most part of the chocolates, energy bars and snacks we were carrying to make our journey more bearable. This task left Manu and me really frustrated.

Before I continue, our flight has been delayed due to bad weather in Lukla. I had read about Lukla's unpredictable weather, but was hoping we would be lucky. The operator - Tara Air/Yeti Airlines says there is a possibility of cancelling all flights to Lukla today. Obviously, this is not great news, leaving us helpless. Praying to the weather gods to give us a half hour clear window to make it to Lukla today.

Update:

Unfortunately, our flight to Lukla got cancelled after multiple reschedules. The low hanging clouds at Lukla made it impossible for planes to land on the short landing strip. Frustrated, we left the departure zone back to the check-in counter and received tickets for next day flight departing at 12.30 pm. This wasn’t encouraging because the locals say that the best time to leave for Lukla is early morning, post which the place gets heavy cloud cover. We headed back to the hotel and checked in for another day. Manu decided to take a separate room not able to sleep owing to my snoring! (our guide had put us on twin sharing). 

With nothing much to do, we decided to take a stroll around the city. Unfortunately, the entire city was shut due to Dussehra festival and the place resembled a ghost town. Durga ji called us in the evening suggesting we take a helicopter to Lukla. This meant that our existing plane tickets would go waste. Manu and I pondered for a short while and decided to take the chopper. We didn’t want to risk losing another day because our return date to India was not flexible. We had to head out at 5.30 am for an early morning helicopter ride. Thankfully, we didn’t have any preparation to do since we were already packed and ready. Another Nepali cuisine dinner brought an end to the day. After having 3 meals of the local cuisine, I am convinced that their food is generally very pleasant, tasty, largely non spicy. 

Day 2:

We arrived at the airport by 6 am and Durga ji’s friend there whisked us past the long queues at entry, check in, etc and parked us at the office of a heli operator. After a short wait and some paperwork, we driven to a far corner of the airport where many helicopters were parked. Some more paperwork and few safety instructions, and we were taken to the chopper. Both of us were fairly excited since it was the first time for us in a helicopter. It was a great experience to get a bird’s eye view of the beautiful work of mother nature. Sitting next to the pilot, I got a crash course on how to fly a a helicopter. The pilot even allowed me to get a feel of the cyclic (the joystick which acts as the rudder). Good fun! We got a radio message saying Lukla had heavy cloud cover. We were forced to land little lower at Surke and after a wait for about half an hour, the clouds cleared enough for the heli to take us to Lukla. 

Our porter and guide - Phuri Sherpa was there to meet us. After pleasantries and a quick breakfast, we started on our trek from Lukla to our destination for the day - Phakding. The trek to Phakding is not the typical trek we expected. Phakding being at a lower elevation than Lukla, most of our trek was downhill. Barring few steep inclines, we kept going downhill most of our trek. Walking downhill is heavy on knees. Manu developed a small niggle in his left knee, hopefully he should be fine by tomorrow. The trek was extremely scenic with the river Dudh Koshi accompanying us all along. Couple of long steel bridges and buddhist temples make for some interesting sights. 

A 4 hour trek brought us to Phakding. Our guide recommended a guest house which overlooked the river. The rooms are tiny, basic but clean. We were tired after trudging along the rocky downhill path. 

Both of us decided to do some stretches to relax our muscles. I was particularly concerned about my back. The last 2 days before flying into Nepal were hectic owing to official travel and last minute packing. I had slept for a total of 4-5 hours over two days. While the rest of me was able to function fine, my lower back kept giving signals that it was tired. 

I should mention that I suffered from a slipped disc three years ago. This lower back injury brought most physical activities to a screeching halt. My motorcycle riding, weekend sports, gym, etc had to be put aside. While yoga, physiotherapy and adequate rest did improve the condition of my lower back for a while, I have been guilty of not being persistent in my efforts. From a guy who could squat 330 pounds to struggle to bend down to pick up a pencil, it has been a tough ride. To cut a long story short, it has been a miserable 3 years from a fitness point of view. People who have suffered from lower back injuries will know that the injury affects your mind as much as your body. 

Coming back, we walked around the village after another tasty Nepali lunch. It is a village of approximately 50 buildings, most of them being guest houses for trekkers like us. The people from Lukla onwards look very different from those in Kathmandu, People here resemble the Tibetians. The kids here are like extremely cute and are like mountain goats. You can see toddlers running on the rocky path faster than us. A siesta and bowl of garlic vegetable soup for supper brings our day to an early end. Manu is keen to have a long sleep and is not impressed with me going typity-type on my laptop. Will try to add few photos here and call it a night. 

[haiky-u-lously]

LadyNoir July- Kinda (part 2)

This is a continuation to Pool Party(ish). Hope you all enjoy it! I was going to wait to post this until my drawing was done (its of one of the selfies) but that part is taking a bit longer than I planned.

( @seasonofthegeek here is your second chapter (: .)

(Also, I have no idea how to link things...so even though they are connected I can’t put Chapter 1 and 2 together...)

Update: I finished the picture!!

Chapter 2-Selfies

---Marinette’s PV---

“Hey Chat,” I started as we walked to the next ride. “Could you tell me the time?”

He looked down at me with an expression mixed between worry and guilt, “Of course M’Lady. Do you have someone else you are meeting?”

“Uhm…” I contemplated how much I should share. I didn’t want to make him feel bad just because I wanted to go back to being my civilian-self. “Not really someone else, but I do have to be somewhere else. As, well, me. Not as Ladybug.” I finally laughed out.

Chat’s eyes settled, “Oh right, yea. I do later as well.” He checked his baton, “Well according to this, it’s about 11:00.”

I nodded to indicate I heard the time, “Fantastic! I have about an hour until I want to be there.” I smiled up at my blonde counter-part.

“Purr-fect, that’s when I planned on leaving as well.” He returned excitedly.

Since we had completed many of the water slides on this side of the park, Chat and I were walking towards the surf simulator. We talked about how it’d be fun to compete against each other and see who stood the longest.

Towards the beginning of the day, guests kept trying to let us go through the rides ahead of them. At first, I had been all for it. I’d thought, ‘wow, this is so nice of everyone’ but then I kept noticing Chat and how he would try holding me back. It looked like he did not want to accept, but he didn’t want to say no after I said yes. It felt as though he was troubled by the whole thing. So, I started refusing their offers and was thankful to notice his positive demeanor return.

I looked towards my partner as he took a picture with some guests.

“Are you jealous Bugaboo?” He teased, upon returning to my side. His pearly-whites shining against the sun’s light.

Tapping my forefinger against my cheek, I pursed my lips. “Maybe I am.”

When he blushed and stumbled over a response, I couldn’t help from laughing. Chat regained his speaking ability just to give me the same reaction. “We should take some pictures ourselves. To commemorate our costume changes!” He winked as he pointed to my bare legs.

“I...uh…” I stumbled looking around us, not seeing a way to get out of the predicament I found myself in.

---Adrien’s PV---

As Ladybug stammered, I mentally high fived myself.

I couldn’t believe she had said that. It was totally unexpected. She was starting to show a bit of interest! Plagg would never believe me when I talked about it later!

“Come on Bug, my baton is useful for more than just fighting and telling us the time.” I shook it in between us for emphasis.

She chuckled at my playfulness, and I wondered if I would actually get to take a few pictures with her.

“How about this Chaton…” She stalled for a moment, steadying her breathing and thinking through her plan. “Since we were discussing earlier, for the Riptide, whoever stays standing the longest gets a picture of whatever they want.”

I threw my head back, laughing. “Of course, Bugaboo. And when I--”

“But! Only two!” She added.

Pointing a finger-gun at her, I blew her a kiss. “Whatever you say M’Lady.”

Once at the surf simulator we saw we lucked out and that Nino and Alya had just finished a turn. The blogger immediately saw Ladybug and ran up to us.

“Hello Ladybug, and Chat Noir!” She began excitedly, “How’s your day going so far? Are you enjoying yourselves? Did you see Nino’s attempt at this thing?? He could hardly stand! It was so funny!” The ombre haired girl told us as she latched onto the brunette’s arm.

Nino’s face flushed in response as he stammered, trying to stand up for himself against Alya’s accusations.

“We are having a great time, and it seems you two are having a blast as well. That is so great!” Ladybug answered. “I do wonder if Chat and I could borrow some of your time though. If it’s okay?”

Alya beamed, “I’d do anything the heroes of Paris need me to!”

I laughed, holding my sides with my hands, “Shouldn’t you wait to hear what the task is before you agree?”

“It’s nothing bad I promise,” Bug said when Alya’s face faltered on her smile. “Chat and I have a bet of who could stand up the longest on Riptide. We’d like someone to watch the whole time incase it’s a close call.”

Nino looked to his friend and then back to the young heroes in front of him. “Can we ask for something in return?”

I placed my arm across Ladybug’s shoulders, “Of course! What can we do for you?”

“Can we get a selfie with you two to rub in our friends’ faces?” Nino asked.

I looked to Ladybug, happy to go along with whatever she decided.

---Marinette’s PV---

Seeing Chat turn in my peripheral, I smirked. “Looking for my permission, Kitten?”

My teasing was returned by Chat dropping to one knee, grabbing my hands and looking up at me with kitty-eyes. “But of course, M’Lady. Can we please help these fans by taking a selfie with them so we can continue with our bet?”

I giggled as I pulled the blonde to his feet, “Obviously. We do aim to please our fans.” I smiled at my (unknowing) friends, “So who’s going to take this picture?”

Alya pulled a waterproof camera from a fanny-pack I hadn’t realized she was wearing, “I got it!” She squeezed Nino’s hand before coming to my side, probably thanking him for his question.

We all squeezed together as Alya snapped a few pictures.

“Thank you so much! These are great!” She said aloud after looking through the pictures she took.

Chat kept his left arm draped over Nino, “Any picture with My Lady in it is going to be great.” He winked at me playfully, and I rolled my eyes in response.

“Okay Chat, time for me to win this thing.” I said, walking a few steps away towards the ride we came for.

I heard his steps, indicating he had followed along.

Once we got to the gate, Chat and I explained to the person our plan. The worker smiled at us, giving us a couple of boards and waving us to be the next up.

I lined my board against the edge of the half pipe, then looked over to my partner. He had already lined his and was looking over at me expectantly.

“Ready Bugaboo?” He teased, bending further into his stance.

Shifting my own stance, I winked at him. “May the best hero win Chat.”

And we both released our holds, dipping against the water flow and shifting our boards to stay upright.

---Adrien’s PV---

We had been going long enough to attract a small group of people.

I was confident that this would be the case, because of how much work Ladybug and I put into superheroing. We were definitely in shape, but I did not expect My Lady to pull as many tricks as she did.

It felt like she was testing me, seeing if I’d tried to copy her and fall into the artificial wave. But, every time, I would do my own tricks and we just kept going.

Looking into the crowd I noticed Alya recording us. “I think we lost our timer,” I yelled over to my scarlet partner.

She turned so fast, Ladybug almost lost her balance. “Good try Chat,” She said after she straightened her foot hold. “Maybe she is recording to get the most accurate data?” Bug offered.

I realized she wouldn’t be looking, but I nodded. To focused on preparing for my next trick.

After Ladybug finished hers and returned to her corner, because at some point we started taking turns and getting out of each other’s way even though we hadn’t discussed anything, I leaned towards the front of my board. I wanted to get as close to the front as possible.

As soon as I felt the board heading towards the top of the ramp, I flipped and started riding in a handstand. I knew I couldn’t hold the riding stance long, but I wanted to impress my Bugaboo with anything I could.

When I took back a proper surfing position and was on my side of the ramp, I looked over to my number one girl. Her eyes were bugging out of her mask, and she looked completely shocked.

“Your turn, Bugaboo.” I winked.

---Marinette’s PV---

I couldn’t think of a stunt to do that could top, let alone compare to, Chat’s latest. But I saw no harm in doing my own stuff still.

After all, the bet wasn’t for who was the best craziest, but for who could stay standing the longest.

However, fate had a different plan in mind. Once I was about to start a turn I had done multiple times already, there was a scream.

I looked up from my feet and saw Chloe jumping up and down, before running into a big hug from her father. But by the time I realized my mistake, I felt the board falling from under my feet. I fell face first towards where the wave water started, and felt the floor against my stomach as I was shot back to the top by sheer water force.

I laughed the entire way up. The ice cold water feeling great after the unexpected workout.

As I returned the board to the employee running the ride, I heard everyone’s cheers for another stunt Chat pulled.

A little after, the black-clad boy ran up to me smiling. “I won! I actually won!” He breathing showed he was exhausted, but his smile said he was to happy to care.

While he returned his own board, Alya and Nino ran towards us. “That. was. Fantastic!” She practically screamed. “Marinette and Adrien are going to be so jealous they missed out on this!”

“Missed out?” I started, thinking if I didn’t specify which person I was asking about I wouldn’t give anything away.

Alya rolled her eyes, “Ya. Marinette got called home for a bit, and Adrien told Nino he had a modeling shoot this morning.”

I frowned at her explanation, because Adrien hadn’t told the whole group. Then I thought it might have been last minute and he barely was able to tell Nino and I started feeling bad at my reaction. So, smiling once again, “I hope they make it soon!”

The two nodded their agreement, just in time as Chat made it to the group. “Saw you taping us, I bet it was awesome, huh?”

While Alya and Chat discussed how amazing the little contest was, I turned to Nino. “It was very nice of you to ask us for a picture for her.”

“I-It. It wasn’t for her,” He tried as a blush covered his nose. “Our friends couldn’t be here and we had talked about getting a picture of you two in case you left before they came.”

I rolled my eyes at his excuse, “You should just tell her you like her.”

He was still stammering through a response when Alya came back and grabbed his arm. Supposedly dragging him across the park to all the slide rides they had passed on earlier.

---Adrien’s PV---

I watched as my best friend was dragged away, laughing. It took me a moment to calm down before I could speak without immediately starting to laugh again.

“Chat, come on!” Ladybug chided, falling into another laughing fit.

It sizzled out once again, and I took a deep breath. “Yes, yes. You’re right M’Lady, you’re right.” I sighed, but smiled as wide as I could, “Now it’s time for my prize.”

The red clad lady next to me, closed her eyes and nodded. When she opened them, she smirked, “So what’ll it be Chaton?”

I pulled out my baton, opened the camera, slide her over next to me and said, “Say cheese!” Before taking a quick selfie before she could protest.

Her smile radiated back at me through the screen, and I was thankful that I was able to capture a likeness of her beauty.

Pushing against my side, the blue bell eyed heroine smiled up at me, “That was one.” She laughed, “Now only one more.”

I pushed my arm holding the baton out, and told her, “Look towards it.”

She did as I asked. I quickly kissed her cheek and snapped a picture at the same time. “Thanks, Bug” I whispered into her ear, before running away, “But it’s time for this cat to run off!”

Once I reached an empty alley a few blocks from the water park, I called for my de-transformation.

Plagg floated out of the ring, yawning, “That took forever, kid.”

“Here ya go, Plagg!” I excitedly gave him some cheese, so I could hurry back and see if I could catch Ladybug’s reaction before she took off as well.

Unfortunately, Ladybug was said to have taken off shortly after Chat Noir did. I was happy to run across Alya and Nino fairly quickly though.

After rushing through some quick greetings with my friends, and receiving a ‘goody bag’ that Alya said the Mayor got for everyone, I ran towards the changing room. I wanted to get a locker for my stuff, also so Plagg would have a it of space to hang out in freely.

[chiseld]

in too deep / playing for keeps

Yes, I’m not gonna lie: I woke up with Phil Collins in my head as an analogy for my enthusiasm about programming. You can mock me now.

Seriously though, this is how my last 24 hours went:

- Woke up late Saturday morning (around 10:30), got ready to face the day and less than an hour later I was ensconced at my favorite café to work at.

- Ordered some coffee and a grilled cheese sandwich and started tackling the final CS50 Week 1 homework problem. Problems 1 and 2 were extremely simple, so there was only one version of each; but for problems 3 and 4 there was a simpler version and a more complicated version of each. As I mentioned in my last post, I went straight to the more complicated version of #3. For #4, though, both versions looked interesting – and the more complicated one was starting to actually get complicated! – so I started off by tackling the easier version. That was fun. It took me about an hour, I think, to get a working version that passed all the automated tests.

- Then I moved right on to the complicated version of #4, and people, I think I have a problem: I spent a solid five and a half hours coding and debugging that thing, and I enjoyed every second of it. Even though I still didn’t have it working by the end! Aren’t people supposed to be annoyed by days like that? Why did I enjoy it so much? Who knows, but I’m not complaining :D

- Anyway, it looked like the issue that was blocking me from passing the tests for that one was most likely a data type error, so I posted a question on the StackExchange community for the course (my first ever Stack-something question!) – which I just this moment noticed finally received an answer that appears to solve my issue, NICE – and finally headed home from the café towards 6 p.m.

- When I got home, flying high on my successes and failures of the day, I decided to re-tackle the Odin Project Etch-a-Sketch that I still hadn’t entirely debugged. Remembering some advice that a fellow TOP student on the Gitter channel had given me, I clambered right back up into that project and dashed off a few lines of code – and voilà, it was done in five minutes. BOOM. Still pretty ugly, but functional, and that’s the point. I was too impatient to complete that challenge and move on to Ruby – maybe I’ll come back and pretty it up at some point in the future.

- So I pushed the fix to the repo (I still feel so legit when I spout out lines like that) and then, just for shits and giggles, started trying to add a new feature: a color picker (HTML actually has a “color picker” input type, can you believe it?!) that would change the color the user was currently painting with. It didn’t work, but in a very interesting way: instead of leaving the blue lines the user had already made on the canvas and then switching to a new color like red for the rest of the lines, after the color picker was clicked it changed all the OLD lines to the new color, but when the user kept drawing it was still with the original blue! So that was weird and interesting. I know exactly why it happened, though – I won’t get into the details now, but basically my app is dynamically adding a class to each square that the user hovers over, and my new code changed the color of that class, which of course would immediately change all the previously-hovered squares too. So that shouldn’t be too hard of a fix when I eventually return to this project.

- But like I said, I was too eager to move on to waste any more time with that now :) I had forced myself to try something I was nervous about – creating new branches in Git for each new feature, and then merging them back into the master branch when the feature was finished – so I started off by doing that; and while merging my “keep-it-square” branch (created in order to solve the overflow issue I mentioned in my post of a week ago) to master, I ran into another nerve-racking but important-to-tackle problem for the first time: a merge conflict! Gotta say, though, it was exciting to see Git jumping into my JS file and indicating the conflict with those surprisingly easy-to-understand lines. And it felt great to fix the conflicts, attempt the merge again, and see everything go like clockwork.

- My Git studies for the day weren’t over yet, though. I returned to the project page from TOP and checked the instructions on how to submit my solution. The answer was: submit a pull request. Yikes! I had done this once, ages ago, when I first started TOP’s curriculum, but in the interim I had forgotten all about how to do it. So, Googling to the rescue once again. I did a whole bunch of reading, discovered I still had an old fork of TOP’s curriculum on my own GitHub page, cloned it to my computer, pulled down changes from upstream (that was new to me!), then once I was all in sync with the original upstream repo, I went ahead and made my pull request. And logging into GitHub just now, I saw that it was accepted. SCORE!

- By now (yesterday evening around 11 p.m., I think, or possibly even later) I was so psyched to get all set up to tackle Ruby that there was no question of going to bed. I marked the Etch-a-Sketch project as “completed” and jumped feet-first into the next section of the curriculum: “Ruby Basics”. First issue to tackle: my ancient computer had very out-of-date versions of Ruby, Rails, Homebrew, Heroku – basically everything. Time to update. Or more specifically: time for an Installfest. TOP directed me to the charmingly laid-out Railsbridge Installfest site, and I started plugging away at it. Dang, but that took a while.

- An awesome side effect of the Installfest, though, was that by the end of it I felt even MORE comfortable with the command line environment than before. I mean, I had already gotten pretty comfortable with it at this point, but during the Installfest I got a bunch of warnings saying stuff like “WARNING: linking not completed. Enter [long command] to force the link and overwrite previous files. Enter [another long command] to see what files will be overwritten.” In the past this would have scared the crap out of me, but this time I was feeling plucky, so as all these warnings scrolled past my face, I copied each one that looked important into a separate text document, and once each new technology was as installed as it was going to get for the moment, I copied each command back into the terminal and worked through all the conflicts, overwriting old files (let’s hope I didn’t kill anything important! it didn’t seem that I did, though) and “forcing symlinks” and all this stuff I barely understood – but at least understood a hell of a lot more than I did a year ago. And what do you know: in the end all the installations worked, all my verifications passed, and Railsbridge even took me through creating a test app on Rails and deploying it to Heroku to confirm that everything was connected properly.

- WOW! By that point it was 3 a.m. – do you know how long it’s been since I last stayed up that late? I don’t, because I’m old and my memory’s gone (j/k. but I actually don’t remember. that’s how long it’s been). So I forced myself to shut down the computer and go to bed. I lay there in the dark all pumped up for ages, wishing I would just fall asleep already so I could wake up and start coding some Ruby!

- Finally I did fall asleep, but I was so psyched to get started on Ruby that I woke up without an alarm only six hours later, at 9:30 this morning, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and ready to get going (although I normally require at least eight hours of sleep). So I got up, drank some good black tea (Yunnan Noir with honey and goat milk, yum yum), and started writing this blog post. And now I’m done, so you know what that means... TIME FOR MORE CODING! :DDD