#minus well blame them and say that THEY want to rule the world... instead of the more likely situation where they dont want ANYONE

[snekdood]

idk but the way evangelicals talk about the anti christ, he kinna seems like a dope dude. cares about equality... nature... helping people..... reeeally struggling to see the issue here

[astaroth1357]

The Obey Me Cast on a Camping Trip (Part Two: The Undateables)

This post is split in two due to length (I had too much fun again…) For the Brothers, please click HERE!

Intro:

Another day, another team building activity between the demons and the exchange students. It was Diavolo’s idea to go on a camping trip to the human world (because of course it was), and there were very… mixed responses. That sentiment wasn’t helped when he refused Lucifer’s insistent pleas to just purchase cabins for everyone to stay in. Oh no, the Demon Lord wanted to rough it out in the wilderness, and now everyone else was getting dragged along with him…

Wonder how that turned out?

Diavolo

He was soooo excited to get to experience camping! He had been asking the MC about human camping trips for about a week before making the announcement and he was pumped!!

Barbatos chauffeured him to the campsite in his own car (of course) but he insisted on taking every roadside, touristy stop they came across which doubled the drive time considerably…

He wanted to help everybody set up the camp but Barbatos and Lucifer were having none of it… So he took pictures and offered moral support instead! Good work everyone! 😁

He had his own tent about the size of a small house (ngl it took Barbs and Lucifer about a half hour to set the whole thing up). Barbs even somehow managed to pack a collapsible desk in there for him so he could still work… greeeat…. 🙄

Diavolo wanted to try everything. Literally everything. The man even traded his uniform out for full on outdoors gear, right down to one of those floppy fishing hats with the tackle stuck to it.

Politely insistently asks that Lucifer does things with him. The MC could come along as well (and in many cases Luci begs them to do so) but he wants to get some bonding time in with his best friend!

Unfortunately for Lucifer, Diavolo would get sidetracked quite a lot… Which is how he ended up having to physically steer his Lord out of harm's way more than once…

At one point while hiking, Diavolo was so distracted by taking pictures that he nearly walked right into the path of a passing bear and her cubs. Lucifer had to tackle him down into some bushes until they went away... His brothers teased him mercilessly when they heard about...

Dia also loved the camping food quite a bit. He's never gotten the chance to cook his own food before, even if it's just marshmallows over a fire, so it was all a brand new experience for him! S'mores are now declared a human world delicacy.

Man had the time of his life! He'd love to do it again, hell, maybe even make it a yearly event! (Few of the brothers share his sentiment, but hey, it pays to be King 😏)

Barbatos

If his Lord orders it, then he follows. He'll just have to double check that everyone is prepared for the occasion…

Drove Diavolo there with the patience of a saint (while also, like, being the exact opposite of that). Had it been anyone else in the car, they might have told him, "No, we can't stop for pictures of every moose you see," but Barbs is as accommodating as he is loyal.

It was pretty much all on his shoulders to direct the others when setting up camp. Lucifer would claim it was his, but let’s be completely honest here, Lucifer can't order Barbs to do shit. 

Naturally, he had his own tent close to his Lord, more modest in comparison, but big enough to hold a majority of the belongings and gear Diavolo had requested.

He also managed to bring a almost fully functioning kitchen setup for him using magic, minus a working oven by Diavolo's instruction. If he wanted a heat source, he had to use the campfire and he found the challenge intriguing…

For once in his extended life, Barbs had to do some trial and error in the kitchen. As it would turn out, fireside cooking can be a little difficult to master, but by the end of the trip he could still somehow dish out four course meals without so much as a sweat (according to the MC the secret was tinfoil and cast-iron cookware… who knew?)

When he isn’t prepping their next meal (which let’s be honest, with Beel on the trip that’s a constant activity) he’s guarding the food from Beel and Solomon…

The sorcerer wanted to help, but Barbs has already learned the hard way that if he so much as pokes a dish its flavor is ruined… It’s enough to make him wonder if it was a curse laid on him at some point…

Watching Barbatos deny Solomon becomes a pretty funny routine in and of itself. He’s not above just smacking the man’s hand away with a wooden spoon if it gets too close. Barbs doesn’t play in his kitchen. Back off. 😠

Barbatos is happy with the trip so long as the young Lord enjoyed himself. If that’s the case, and it was, then he’d happily do it again if asked… not that he’d have much of a choice anyway.

Simeon

Simeon was familiar with the concept of camping, he’d written about it in his stories, but he’d never actually done it himself… He had hoped it'd be an interesting experience! And uh… it was that from the very start… 

Purgatory Hall got its own car and Solomon was put in charge of driving… But no one mentioned that he drives like a complete maniac. Speed limits, stoplights, even the ROAD ITSELF be damned. Solomon drives in a straight line from point A to point B and if there’s anything in the way he’ll just use magic to get around it…

It’s safe to say that by the time he and the others got to the campsite (which was significantly quicker than the rest) the angels weren’t in the emotional state to pitch tents… He and Luke just waited for the others to catch up while praying and praising the solid ground beneath their feet…

He shared his tent with Luke and didn’t mind at all. It was probably for the best anyway because the little angel was scared of human world predators like bears and wolves coming for him in the night… Poor boy…

Simeon took to hiking quite a bit. Going out and exploring the area around the campsite made him feel invigorated! The forests were beautiful and it gave him ideas for a bit of a guilty pleasure he's been debating on writing, "The Tale of the Lonely Prince." 🤭

It was on one of those trips that Simeon discovered human world creatures love him. Pretty much all of the wildlife gravitates towards him like he's a Disney Princess.

At one point he came back to camp riding on a moose with birds chirping on his new friend's antlers. He offered to take the MC out for a ride, but the brothers threw a fit about it…

He WAS able to get a couple more wrangled for Diavolo, who naturally dragged Lucifer along (though he clearly didn't want to touch the thing). 

The three ended up getting into a mooseback race because Diavolo wouldn't let Lucifer take the lead. He was glad to see Luci enjoy himself for a change! (It helped a lot that he won of course 🙄😏)

All and all, Simeon had a great time. Maybe he should ask the MC to show him more human places… But he's never getting in a car again. Pardon his language, but fuck those things!!!

Luke

He doesn't know what's worse… being out in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of demons or the absolute insanity that was the "drive" down… 😣

He spent the entirety of Solomon's Magical Ride of Nightmares clinging to Simeon or the armrests for dear life. He swore his entire life flashed before his eyes, can angels even have heart attacks???

Stayed right next to Simeon when they finally pulled themselves together enough to leave the car. He was so happy that Michael didn't see any of that… Who knew human transportation was so horrifying…???

His saving grace (literally) was getting to share his tent with Simeon… After Solomon told him that bears sometimes get curious and ransacked campsites, he clung onto the older angel like a protective charm.

...Whiiiich he wasn't too off about actually after he saw Simeon playing (yes PLAYING) with the human wildlife… Simeon had to introduce him to some of the nicer animals for him to eventually get over his fear and venture out past the campsite.

Luke loved to swim in the lake or river with MC and the others. The MC found a sturdy branch where they set up a rope swing and the little guy amused himself for hours!

Sometimes he'd watch Barbatos prep and cook using the campfire… He didn't even know you could make lasagna in a Dutch oven…

At one point the MC convinced him to go with them and the twins on a particularly long hike…

He got tired halfway through and Beel offered him a piggyback ride, but of course he'd NEVER let himself be that close to a demon!! (Just kidding, poor boy was so tired he climbed onto Beel's back and held on the a kola until they got back. Then he jumped off to save face)

He had a better time than he thought he would, but still doesn't want to go camping with demons ever again. (He and Simeon also begged Lucifer to drive them back instead of Solomon so the brothers' van was pretty much a clown car on the return trip).

Solomon

Solomon hasn't been camping (for enjoyment) in quite a while, so when the prospect came up to do it with the MC and the other students he was intrigued...

When Simeon asked he knew how to drive, he said yes. He knows how to start a car, put it into motion, steer, and then come to a stop. That's all driving is really. 🤷‍♀️ You can't blame him for not memorizing all the rules, he's been traveling by portal for decades!

Was pretty confused why his angel friends fled the car so quickly... He got them there in one piece, after all. 😕🤷‍♀️ He put up their tents himself since they were too busy thanking their father then made a magic barrier around the site for protection purposes.

He and the MC both have their own tents, of course his is enchanted to be a lot bigger on the inside than it is on the outside, but he's only let the MC in on that little secret in case they want to visit… 😏

When everyone else finally arrived, Solomon was happy to help the MC introduce the wonders of the human wilderness to their companions! Including the breathtaking vistas, beautiful flora, bitter temperatures, man-eating predators, waters filled with disease… Hm? Oh, Luke won't leave the tent now…? Whoopsie.

Solomon kept himself occupied on the trip the best way he knew how… relentless trolling (particularly of Asmo and Barbs because they're used to his shit).

He'd alternate between poking fun at Asmo for the almost ritual length routines he was going through to try and save his looks to genuinely trying to encourage him and downplay the severity of the downgrade...

Meanwhile he was bound and determined to serve at least one of his own dishes during the trip (but Barbatos had banned him from the "kitchen," the food tent, and even the spoons...)

Diavolo, nice guy that he is, eventually made Barbs relent and let Solomon cook for ONE night… It went as well as to be expected. (They sent Solomon to grab more supplies then everybody took turns washing their mouths out with lake water... Diavolo apologized profusely, he had no idea...).

Solomon was confused why the angels would rather squeeze themselves in with the brothers than ride with him back but he wasn’t upset about it. That meant he could make a few extra stops without anyone complaining! He knows a guy in New Orleans he’s been meaning to see again… Luke and Simeon can wait a little for their stuff, right?

Click HERE for Part One. Check out my Masterlist for more!

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

Oh great, McGonagall’s back to being a bitch again in this new TLSQ 🙄

Is anyone ready for another rant? Because I've got another rant.

My friend messaged me after this quest came out and simply said "Tell me this quest pissed you off too." I hadn't seen it yet, so I went to watch the footage. Having just finished...oh god.

Going into the quest, I wasn't angry. At first, I was mostly bewildered. Unlike the Torvus TLSQ, this one doesn't really beat you over the head with mean-spirited guilt-tripping. But it does follow the interpretation that MC is to blame for the chaos. And that idea is so ludicrous that I was genuinely laughing. To hear McGonagall say "Be that as it may, your actions have caused this." Was unintentionally hilarious. What actions? MC was a bystander. They were just hanging out with their friends. Badeea is the one who painted the Portrait, and it was painted for Jae. MC didn't do anything. But the rest of this quest will send them on a wild goose chase to appease everyone else.

Here's a question. Why does Badeea all but disappear from the plot when she arguably had the most agency in this problem? Why do Jae and MC get threatened with detention...and not Badeea? She literally painted the offending Portrait. That's not even getting into how silly it is to blame the students for this fiasco in the first place, but as long as you're going to...why hold Jae and MC accountable, but not Badeea? Why does MC have to paint the portrait that will be used to distract Sir Cadogan? Badeea says that it's because her paintings are what started this mess, and she's afraid of causing more trouble. Fair enough, but that doesn't really change the fact that she is the only character who knows how to paint enchanted portraits. She is the only one with any skill in this. That said, I wouldn't change this for the world because the fanged puffskein is adorable. Let me hug him. Let me hug him! He reminds me of my kitty.

The Portraits are to blame for this mess. That much is as clear as day. And yet no one is willing to hold them accountable. No one voices the idea that maybe this is their fault, and that maybe we shouldn't be prioritizing their wishes. This is the Peeves Arc of Year 5 all over again, and people didn't just hate that arc for being filler. Why is the Fat Lady not chastised for leaving her post? Why must we cater to her demands? Why must we go on a scavenger hunt that takes all day, why do we have to play by their rules? Pick up the damn portrait and shake it until the Fat Lady and the others take the hint. Hold the damn thing over a fire if you want to really scare them. (Ruthless? Perhaps, but Gail would do that. She wouldn't actually burn the Portrait but the Fat Lady doesn't know that.) Better yet, McGonagall could solve this pretty easily by invoking teacher authority. Even if that failed, at least she couldn't very well expect two students to solve the problem that she couldn't solve...which uh, why were MC and Jae expected to solve this again?

There are countless Portraits in t his castle. Why did the Fat Lady and others decide out of the blue to leave their posts for Badeea's latest painting? This is far from the first time she's made one. This can't be the first time a painting of the Three Broomsticks has crossed Hogwarts' halls. The Three Broomsticks also isn't that exciting considering that you can paint just about anything. Why is Gryffindor Tower sealed like a Cursed Vault without the Fat Lady? Can't Dumbledore open it with magic? Can't they get another Portrait to stand in? Y'know, like they did in POA when the Fat Lady left her post? There are obvious solutions here, and unlike POA, the Fat Lady isn't exactly fearing for her safety. She's just throwing a tantrum. Couldn't McGonagall dismiss her, or at least threaten to, over something like this? The question that burns in my throat again and again is "Why is this our problem?" The quest tries to create a justification, but mostly it doesn't really care to. The reason we have to help isn't because it's our fault, it's because McGonagall will punish us if we don't.

The Portraits are whiny and entitled in this quest, but that's not even the worst part. Holy uncanny valley, Batman, what in god's name was up with that art style? Violet and the Fat Lady look genuinely disturbing, like they came out of a horror game. And you have to spend extended periods of time talking to them. I won't lie, I got uncomfortable. At least it was a distraction from the madness that was this plot. Once it got to the part where MC had to recite a poem to "Percival the Prat" I just kind of put my tea down and had a moment of reflection on how far this quest had taken us, and all of the stupid nonsense that MC was doing to appease these portraits. And all because they were threatened with detention if they didn't sort all this out, even though it wasn't their problem...deep sigh. There's a theme in this quest about listening to your friends and respecting their wishes...but this is not realized well at all. MC tried to do a nice thing for Jae and had no way of knowing it would all collapse. This situation did not arise because they failed to specifically ask Jae if he wanted their help. (He kind of hinted that he did, in the first place.)

Jae. Oh Jae. You were pretty whiny in this quest, yourself. Moping about at the start and then blaming everything on the person who checked in on you. Look, on one hand, I felt genuinely bad for him. McGonagall threatening him with detention on his damn birthday when he's always in detention and specifically opened up about how this was the one day of the year that he didn't want to be stuck there...and what he do, exactly? Not what did he do that was wrong, what did he do, at all? He was given a present. He didn't ask for it. He was simply given a present, that happened to go extremely wrong. McGonagall, what on earth are you playing at? Jae literally did not do anything, and he's a Gryffindor, so he's just as screwed by the Fat Lady's desertion as the others. I know I sound like a broken record at this point, but wouldn't it have made far more sense for the teacher in this quest to be Snape? Might have taken a bit of tweaking, but it would have been worth it. Speaking of, they had the nerve to reference not only the Dragon Club quest, but the Torvus quest. Trying my patience, game...

But even though I felt bad for Jae at first, my sympathy evaporated when he was passive aggressive, and later directly aggressive toward MC. As if any of this was their fault. Okay, so they had the idea to try and help Jae on his birthday. So? What does that have to do with the Fat Lady abandoning her post, or the other Portraits refusing to play ball? What does that have to do with the obscenely unreasonable terms that McGonagall issued? She didn't just stick this task on Jae's shoulders, MC was roped in as well. They're in this boat together and Jae blaming MC, even in the low-energy way he goes about it...just rubbed me the wrong way. I know this day was important to him...and maybe my personal opinions are shining through, but...it's only a birthday. You can celebrate your traditions tomorrow, or the next day, just as easily.

Wasn't a fan of the ending either. I couldn't believe my eyes when McGonagall asked MC to describe "what they had learned" and that she would listen, and then "decide their fate." I beg your pardon but what?! That was not the deal we made. At all. By this point MC has been running about the castle, working their ass off, just to fix this problem that has nothing to do with them. They did everything McGonagall demanded of them. They actually succeeded at this fool's task. After all of that, McGonagall is still considering detention? I could ramble about how unreasonable that is, but I think that's pretty obvious. So instead I'll just ask...aren't Gryffindors supposed to be honorable? Isn't McGonagall the Head of Gryffindor? She's still claiming the moral high-ground as she breaks her word?

Beyond that, I hate this. I hate being told to kneel and kiss the ring. Might be taking this a bit too seriously, but it's the same nonsense as the Torvus TLSQ. The same final insult, where MC is forced to write up an essay about what they learned, about why they were in the wrong, and the asshole who started all this was in the right. Not only did MC have to put up with this endless nonsense, they have to show that they "learned their lesson" and agree that what they went through was right. Or it's off to detention with them. This is why I couldn't enjoy the final party. I wasn't invested in Jae's happiness, or in saving his birthday traditions. I didn't care. I don't even imagine Luca going, I think they'd just wish Jae happy birthday and head back to their dormitory.

Y'know, I'm not sure what they're trying to do with McGonagall. I've always said that Luca's character involves them eventually growing to distrust and dislike the Hogwarts staff, minus Flitwick. And I've always struggled to justify including McGonagall in that group. Because if you've the read the books, you know she's fucking awesome. But as of recent quests...I don't think it's going to be hard for me to justify it anymore. HPHM has given me plenty of ammo, plenty of reason for Luca to dislike her. After this, and the Dragon Club quest...The Teacher Appreciation TLSQ feels pretty sour.

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Duck: Just Us Justice Ducks

This is it. 7 reviews, 10 episodes, 2 teams,  7 brave heroes, 13 villians but only 5 of which are relevant here. All leading to this. One big final review of one of the most loved, most important and most awesome Darkwing Duck episodes, the ONLY two parter outside of the pilot in the show’s long history. If your just joining us, as hinted at in the opening sentence i’ve been doing reviews of every episode of darkwing duck featuring the first apperances of the Justice Ducks and Fearsome Five. The only exception was Megavolt, but I ended up doing Negaduck instead, so I could cover both Megs and the original version of Negsy in one fell swoop (A great idea and comission from longtime supporter of the blog WeirdKev27). All so I could give this the build up  it deserved and get the background I didn’t have years ago when I wanted to watch this, wanted to see all of the first apperances first.. then just didn’t get around to it, not even finding out the episode order is an utter nightmare.  While i’ve given out about this before, allow me to do so again: Due to prioritzing what got done first over proper order, ALL of the justice ducks first appearances eps were aired after this and while Morgana at least got an episode before this, it was her second appearance. Same with LIquidator and Quackerjack though like Morgana, Quackerjack still got an episode or two before this one. So yeah as a result to most kids it was a bunch of heroes just introduced, up against two new villians and 3 old faviorites. You kinda see the problem. It’s why I watched it in chronlogical order: to have this be a gathering of established heroes against darking’s worst foes... and the debut of the worst of THE worst, the true Negaduck at long last. So with the proper build this deserves and not much else to say, let’s look at this two parter and see if all my effort was worth it and if the hype is real. Let’s, get, dangerous under the cut

We open in St. Canard in Darkwing Duck’s secret HQ over the bridge, where he’s getting ready to go out with Morgana and does... things to his hair. 

Excellently terrible hair do.. seriously I love a good pompadour as much as the next person, probably unheathily more than the next person, but this isa bit much and adding a curl to it is just.. 

I mean Superman’s hair looked better at this point, and for those wondering “Wait superman usually has a pretty good look”.. welll. 

Yeah.. post-ressurection.. he had a mullet. Look there are only 4 people in the world who can pull of a mullet: Brock Sampson, Patrick Swayze (God Rest his soul), Hank Venture and Daniel Cooksy as a teenager. And he ALSO put a curl in it and it still looked okay because that’s one of this things along with being selfless, and idiots calling him bland for you know, being a kind hearted symbol of humanity at it’s best. But man the mullet was just not for you bud. 

Morgana naturally tries to change it while Gosalyn watches and...

Yeah as you can probably guess a LOT has happened.. and all off screen. Morgana is not only fully on the side of good apparently, but she and Darkwing have gone from simply flirting with one another to dating AND Gosalyn has met her and they fought the astro mummies together.. no wait that was the Caballleros yesterday.. but still eveyrthing else is PRETTY important stuff and even with the messed up episode order the kind of thing you’d ASSUME an episode would be made about. I mean this is her meeting darkwing’s kid for fuck’s sake. That’s a big step in any relationship let alone one just starting out. And trust me, I didn’t miss anything: every other morgana ep seems to have them already in a steady relaionship. I DO think it’s stuff like this why some fans aren’t crazy about this relationship. Me I think he’s honestly too good for her. 

But before they can go out for whatever vauge date they were going to have the power goes out and DW notices it’s megavolt and prepares to go after him only for Morgana to question him about their date. 

Morgana.. sweetie.. the entire city is blacked out. Nowhere will be open.  But Gosalyn offers an alternative, Morgana go along with him and while both are reluctant they go with it. So Darkwing confronts Megavolt... and soon finds a bunch of chattering teeth. Yup, it’s Quackerjack as the two have teamed up, and together easily defeat Darkwing, putting him in an electric chair. The two also really get along which makes sense: Both have similar personalities, being kinda nuts indivdiuals with a singular obession , which compliment each other as toys often need electric power after all. THey strap darkwing into an electric chair, that got dark fast and he begs morgana to save him.. only for her to accidently turn him into jello. I mean.. they say pudding but.. their diffrent things. Just because world famous sexual predator Bill Cosby promoted BOTH for the jell-o brand doesn’t mean Jello is magically pudding. If he could magically make one thing 

Point is Darkwing is jello, the villians mock him then set up some kind of device and head off.. while also mentioning a mysterious boss. I wonder who it could be. 

Nah.. too obvious. Darkwing is humilated and of course blames. morgana.. for saving his life.. as while the jello humilated him he’s also you know not dead. 

Anyways Darkwing storms off while Morgana worries he likes her. Morg.. the guy got pissy because you saved his life the wrong way with some bad aim. And before that clearly just wanted you there as a trophy to impress you instead of because he valued you in any way but your looks, because let’s face it he’s shown no intrest so far in any way that isn’t superficial and neither have you in him. You both need to actually try to deepen this or end it.  Anyways enough me ranting at 90′s cartoon characters, it’s time for our next Justice Duck to enter the episode as Stegmutt is selling hot dogs now, but no one stops because they just.. run in terror. Poor guy, good thing he’s too oblivoius to notice. Maybe Dr. Fossil had a point.  Back to the plot and it turns out the next phase in the Fearsome Five’s plan is to take out the police... okay so wait are they the bad guys or not? Questions for later. Point is we get a nice mismatch as Bushroot’s timidity contrasts perfectly with Liquidator’s showman ship and he drowns them out. Darkwing prepares to attack, but gets interrupted by Stegmutt, refuses his help.. and we get the best and most iconic gag of the episodes: Darkwing makes a joke about playing pretend.. and senseing Stegmutt is a dummy have him pretend to “put out the darkwing”.. which equates to pulling a Droopy while saying “put out the darkwing”. So the two villians finsih their job and high five and this is one of the most charming parts of this 2 parter: the camradere between the five minus negaduck. The other four just.. easily bond and enjoy each ohters company, only fighting ONCE, and then being on the same page after that. 

It’s also what makes them so deadly: the go too for ANY superhero team in any medium is to simply get the vilians to fight each other as most vilian teams are built on REALLY shaky ground, a mixture of egos and ambitions that unlike with most superhero teams, can’t really be overcome with the greater good.. because their only in it for what they want. The thing that keeps any of these groups together longterm.. is camradere. I’ts why the Flash’s Rogue’s gallery is easily one of the most dangerous; while there are outliers like the reverse flash, most of them are part of the rouges, and ascribe to their rules and morals.. and thus the camradre and support that comes with it. One guy with a cold gun or a super flamethrower or a weather wand or mirror powers.. is pretty damn tough. All four and more together, willing to bail one another out, having their own tailor and weapons hookups. The four remind me of that: a bunch of guys who have the common goal of beating darkwing but likely just.. hang out when not trying to do crimes. Well except negaduck, hence the four thing. By not being able to just easily turn them on one another, it means you HAVE to take them all at once. Even if you got rid of negaduck as both the comics and the 2017 reboot have shown.. you still have 4 immensley powerful, quackerjack included, supervillians who easily can work together instead of a bunch of angry assholes who tend to work better one at a time and just with a united goal. Point is Darkwing Duck is Darkwing Fucked.  Darkwing once again refuses help and yells at Stegmutt, because he’s been evne douchier than usual, and then makes the mistake of yelling at Neptunia, who promptly has her octopus friend throw him into the distance because .. well he deserves it. So while Darkwing patches up that wound to his pride and his spleen, we finally meet our vilians new boss: NEGADUCK. And... they do not explain why a guy who looks exactly like drake is here, if he has any relation to the other negaduck he was inspired by, or why any of them would trust him. This would bother me more.. if A) it wasn’t too much of a stretch for darkwing to have foes we hadn’t seen given the whole casefiles thing and B).. well okay this isn’t really a logical opinon but since when have that stopped me. 

There’s a damn good reason that Negsy has one of the biggest episode counts of Darkwings villians. The guy is just.. the perfect foil to Darkwing, the Joker to his batman, the reverse flash to his flash, the green goblin to his spider-man, the sabertooth to his wolverine. He’s Drake’s equal and opposite number. While Drake can’t take two steps as Darkwing without wanting some attention, Negsy is happy to avoid having any until the moment strikes. While Drake wants attention as much as he wants to do the right thing, Negsy just simply loves doing what he’s doing. To quote the Spies are Forever song “Somebody’s Gotta Do it” “Can’t you see.. how much I enjoy this, i’d never avoid this, cause buddy i’m a diffrent breed. This is my calling, and though it’s appaling, I love making people bleed.” 

He just LOVES being evil. He’s as comically devoted to being a bad guy as Darkwing is to being a good one. He loves the idea of being able to shoot a bunny, he revels in his villiany and he loves every second. But as I said unlike darkwing he dosen’t let his flaws get in the way of his villiany as much. He still does on occasion, he’s still a version of Darkwing after all, but he has his eyes far more on the prize and is far less prone to distraction. He dosen’t care about toy deals or infamy.. he just wants to watch the world burn and laugh manically over the flames. While his obessions CAN be used against him.. as this episode shows it only lasts for a bout a second and he’s usually ready for it. He’s a Drake with no morals, no connections and few drawbacks. And he’s also every bit as clever, with him winning for most of the two parter. And not because the plot needs him too.. he’s simply THAT good at planning, with his plan here being geninely clever. I’m REALLLY hoping for Frank to lead the reboot because combining ALL of this with his reboot backstory will be divine if he gets to. Negaduck was very much worth the hype. 

So his next plan, itself clever.. is to dress up as Darkwing and inflitrate SHUSH, taking out the next possibly thing that could stop them. And he does so easily, even while Darkwing is there and to show off just how friggin awesome he is predicts what Drake will say. The only thing that trips him up is drake hilarious pointing out a cute bunny, because he and the other Negsy apparently share the same burning hatred, causing him to get out his shotgun. And can I just say how wonderful it is he can use a shotgun?  That’d never pass nowadays, which isn’t the worst thing but i do question why VILLIANS can’t be shown being reckless with fire arms. Their the bad guys, kids aren’t going to see it as a good thing. And they still equate laser guns with guns. They aren’t going to trivilaize gun violence because of Darkwing Duck or Looney Tunes. 

Even being found out Negaduck still acomplishes his goal and floods thing. So now both the cops and shush are down, and things aren’t looking great. Darkwing’s still determined he can do this himself and beat them.. but it’s transparent that not only he CAN’T and won’t admit he’s outnumbered but freely admits he just wants the biggest win of his career by taking them all out 4 to 1. Probablem is.. he’s not spider-man and this isn’t the sinister six. As I said he’s not fighting a villian group whose egos clash so badly , at least whent hey first formed, they have to take turns or in later iterations have some member blackmailed in> Their working in concert. He needs help but as we’ve seen multiple times now Darkwing just can’t accept it. He has to be in the limelight and while he does have to relearn the lesson .. it works better here as personality flaws aren’t the kind of thing that fixes itself overnight. Sometimes never. It feels less like it does sometimes in cartoons, where the character just.. never fucking learns, and more like Darkwing has learned it.. he’s just so very human and thus can’t resist sliding black. Less peter griffin more bojack horseman is what i’m saying. I mean there are still bits of just poor writing, but for the most part his ego is like most of his enimies: he just can’t get it to stay beat. 

So it won’t suprise you that when the national guard and gizmoduck are called he’s not happy. You may recall when I reviewed “Tiff of the Titans” I REALLY hated this verison of Gizmoduck. He was concited as Darkwing but treated like he wasn’t, treating the daring duck of mystery like a criminal for stupid reasons and was generally pretty useless and obnoxious. The fact that hamilton camps gizmoduck voice sounds not like a 20-30 something like Fenton is but like Grandpa Simpson mixed with a dash of dudley doo right dosen’t help. 

It’s not lost on me that Dan Castellaneta’s character is NOT the one that sounds like Abe Simpson either. But while that problem is still around... the rest of them.. aren’t. Gizmoduck’s character development actually stuck from last time, so rather than be a dick to darkwing he’s warm, friendly and happy to accept his help when Darkwing shows up, thinking his old “Buddy” is just volunteering to help instead of screaming at him for doing his job. Not only that but while he still has elements of a standard superman type “Cape” hero parody... their more toned down and actually funny with him giving giant speeches, and that being useda gainst him and being over the top.. but still being the noble, big hearted hero you’d expect from the roll, just wanting to do good not for the Glory he gets anyway, but because people need him. In short.. he’s 100% better thsi go round. Well okay 80.. he still sounds like this. 

Gos also brings Morgana along, because apparently she forgot the entire episode where her father was so obssed with being noticed he tried to upstage his 10-12 year old daughter... and you know the hundred other times Drake put his ego over his job. 

So he naturally wants to shoo her while Gizmo. .warmly welcomes the help because he recognizes that people are counting on them not counting on him.  Just then the villians make their move and activate the electro slave device from earlier which.. does nothing like that’d sound like and just creates a giant electrical wall, cutting off ST. Canard and bringing the plan full circle: The villains have now cut off the town and taken out almost anything that could oppose them. And despite you know everything Darking only gets more pissy when Stegmutt and Neptunia show up., Stegmutt because he still wants to return Darkwing’s change as Darkwing bought a hot dog from him and Stegmutt’s also a really sweet guy and Neptuina because well... .the ocean’s her thing and a bunch of bad guys just put a giant line through it she’s now on the other side of. Gizmo suggests the obvious: It’s a day unlike any other when a threat no one duck, or fish or dino duck, can face alone. It’s time to assemble! And Gos is more than excited about the idea, suggesting the name Justice Ducks which.. is honestly fairly weak in my opinon. Not BAD but very clearly just “Justice League” with Ducks in it. Given how good the series is at names, you think they’d of taken more than five minutes on this one. Maybe it was disney mandate I dunno.  But the concept itself.. is brilliant and I wish it came back in other epiosdes; Taking a bunch of other heroic characters in a setting and making them into a team is always a great idea, it’s why the tmnt unvierses have been using the mutanimals more and more lately, and they do ballance each other out nicely. You have a nice contrast of powers: while multiple have super strength, stegmutt is your bruiser, Gizmo is the tech guy, darkwing’s the strategy, morgana handles magic and Neptuina can swim in anything and is super strong and agile outside and inside water, so as long as she can keep hydrated, she’s useful> Which by the way has ALWAYS been the case for aquaman.. except the superfriends version. 

He really does suck and ruined it for the rest of them till Jason Mamoa and his mighty abs, coupled with Geoff Johns run on the charcter that served as the foundation for that movie, finally rescued the character from a fucking decades old cartoon’s smear campagin.  They have the makings of a great team.. it’s just Darkwing dosen’t want a team and screams at everyone to get out and that he dosen’t need them.. I mean he does try to be softer on Morgana but.. he’s still a dick and she really should dump him. Seriously, their attraction is superficial, at this point at least we’ll see in Feburary if it gets any bettter, he dosen’t respect her as a person, and now he’s having to restrain himself at yelling at her.. for HELPING HIM. When he clearly needs it. Holy shit... I was not prepared for that amount of douche. And this would sink the two parter.. were this not clever setup for one hell of a downfall and not a key part of his character. Like has been said: Ego is a massive part of him, and as Tad Stones has put it his real arch enemy. It’s been the basis for several episodes and as we saw in the pilot was his motivation for getting into crimefighting in the first place. He means well and clearly has a heart.. but this is just as much about thwarting evil as it is the attention. And here it’s used perfectly as in the reverse of the gizmoduck episode, where he wanted attention but for fully understandable reasons and judged Gizmo more on stealing his thunder, which while petty i’ll admit is a bit fair given Gizmo did NOTHING in St. Canard but got the key of the city while Darwing had saved it multiple times at this point. 

Here he’s being petty and selfish.. and he has no good reason. It’s just his own ego wanting the credit for everything when it’s not what he or the city needs. Honestly this feels like an ahead of it’s time parody of how Batman would be written when written poorly sometimes in the years after this episode:  a massive dick who thinks he knows better than everybody else and everything else should be entrusted to him because he’s the goddamn batman, the kind who throws people out as potential parts of his family for petty shit and acts like a controlling ass and okay maybe this is spiralling a bit. But the refusal to see any other way is right? Yeah that defintelyf its darkwing like a glove and eveyrone leaves either bummed or pissed at him. And the most pissed? Launchpad who while agreeing to it, his face and tone clearly mean he’s disapointed in his buddy for acting like this when now is REALLY not the time. 

And I wish.. we got more on this because Launchpad disappears till the ending scene after this. No really. Despite being Darkwing’s best friend and sidekick and despite warranting a spot on the justice ducks and despite having every reason to pitch in. he just vanishes. I mean Ducktales may of gone overboard in not having him around since Let’s Get Dangerous, but at least that’s a valid reason: he has another family, he’s really busy and Scrooge has another talented pilot to do the job for him. Granted he’s clearly still doing it offscreen at times but he was both a major part of an hourlong and will be part of any possible spinoff. And hell even back in season 1 when the character ballance was at it’s worst... Donald and Beakly at least HAD reasons for not being in a whole lot of episodes: Donald HATED his uncle, HATED adventure, and HATED the fact his kids were following in their mothers footsteps as he only saw death at the end of it. While they SHOULD have found ways to include him more and his exclusion was pretty bad... he at least had a reason. Here launchpad just has to go now his home planet needs him. And he’s not the only one Gosalyn gets more, she’s worried about darkwing, we’ll get to why in a second and wants to go but Gizmoduck refuses.. and then ALSO vanishes. Which makes even less sense as when has Gosalyn EVER listned to an authority figure? Especially when her dad might be dead? It’s just grossly out of character for her to agree to sit things out and not just tag along with steggmutt anyway once gizmo can’t stop her. I do get this is about the justice ducks but there’s no reason to neglect the other main characters. At least have Negsy capture them too or something. Cripes. 

So yeah the “thinking he’s dead part”. Darkwing sets out to find the five’s lair and misses the big honking flag Negaduck set up, but finds a crumb, puts two and two together and finds them.. as Negaduck planned. Down to the crumb thing as, in my faviorite line of the episode, he planned on Darkwing missing the flag and focusing on the flimisiit clue instead. Naturally they kick his ass, EASILY, and throw him out a window to his death and in classic bond villian fashion don’t check for proof of death. Krakoa would be ashamed. So part one ends with darkwing duck getting thrown to his possible death...

Only for part 2 to pick up with him landing in a trash truck before exiting. And this.. is what makes the ego parts tolerable.. Darkwing.. earnestly reflects, depressed he let his own ego get in the way of things and shoo off his only hope, and thus let the villians take over the city, with Bushroot’s plants harassing people, quackerjacks teeth running the police, and Megavolt having taken the power company and using it to shake down locals and Liquidator flooding part of the city for a plan we’ll get to in a moment. He’s at his lowest point and tht’s while it work: his hubris DOSEN’T get unpunished, he’s fully sorry for it and while he dosen’t out and out apologize to them, he’s not only genuinely contrite but does work well with them and evenly when he finally does get back to them.. but we’ve got a bit to go before that.  So with Darkwing missing Gizmo takes over as big good and not bein ga prick eagerly takes the others help Neptuina nopes out of helping, which fits her personality, so with only three left because he dosen’t consider children useful  which shame on you. I mean i’ts responsible from a real world standpoint but not from a cartoon show standpoint. But anyways they split up gang: Gizmo will go take the power plant back, Morgana will try and use her spells to find the lair and Stegmutt will find darkwing. I do like despite how they neglect Gosalyn that her friendship with Stegmutt was remembered and used as a plot point here. 

So we then get to a rather repttitive part of the two parter. It’s not lacking in good gags or character moments but it’s basically the same scene repeated 4 times just with a diffrent scenario and gag for each of the justice ducks and the fearsome five member they encounter. They do their respective schicks the hero is defeated.. this is 5 or so minutes of a 20+ minute episode. Not TERRIBLE stuff, iv’e seen worse repttition, but not terribly intresting compared to the rest of the four parter.  So, Neptuina encounters Liquidator, whose scheme is selling rafts to people to not drown in exhange for a millioin dollars.. or whatever they have he’s not picky, and they fight but Liqui ultimately wins, Gizmoduck, in the best of the four sequences, swoops in to stop Megavolt and not only lands on his foot.. but spends so long speechifiing Mega gets him from behind, phrasing. Stegmutt hilariously tries disgusing himself with Groucho glasses and is bested by Quackerjack, and Morgana finds the lair but gets taken out by bushroot, though her pet spider archie escapes to go warn the others. 

So after all that Archie makes it back to darkwing’s hq.. only for launchpad to squish him. “ew a bug!”.. just a great quick laugh. Thankfuly he’s more resilent than the average spider and is fine once Gosalyn scrapes him off and they now know the five are in trouble. Also I was wrong Launchpad does return.. for this one scene. And neither get into action once Darkwing returns and after an overly long bit of him deflecting blame to the point I was screaming. 

That being said it is nice when once Darkwing is aware of the situation he gloats a little.. but still goes to save them without any hint of caring about doing it all himself. He learned his lesson.  So at the Lair of the five, Negsy shows what a sadsitc bastard he is, another great side of him.. from a writing standpoint at least. It shows that like darkwing despite a comedic exterior.. he’s VERY dangerous. And he’s set up speciic tourtures for each of the five he has: He’s hooked up Gizmoducks armor to a device that lets him control it’s power flow, so right now it’s entirely drained.. but he can overload it and electrocute him to death when he flips THE SWITCH. Neptuina is stuck under a heat lamp and will fry when he hits THE SWITCH. Stegmutt is stuck in a weightless enviorment that will also loose air when he hits THE SWITCH and morgana is in a chair that will crush her tod eath when he hits.. THE SWITCH... he really loves THE SWITCH and props to him. A lesser villian would’ve had all the traps have a diffrent trigger which while making it harder on any rescuers is just a time waster asking for the heroes he hasn’t gotten to yet to break free. And while it is based in his sadism he still fully intends to watch the deaths personally. Seriously he’s got all his bases covered.. and would’ve won.. if it wasn’t for the rest of the five.  The rest of the five are fighting over territoiry: Buddies they may be but they all want the pie. Negaduck, in his most badass scene shuts them up by pulling out his signture chainsaw for hte first time and scaring the crap out of htem, then using it to carve up the model of the city: They each get a quarter.. and he gets all the loot. Which they dont’ like but agree to to not die today. Though really... what’s the value of that? They have a full city held hostage, control over a quarter each, and no real way to SPEND the loot without letting someone else, say scrooge mcduck, in to stop them. Just give him the money and let him sit on it Smaug style. You get a quarter of a new york sized city to yourself to live out your dreams. I’d love that... maybe nto become a supervillian for that but still, point is you have carte blanche jsut take the W.  Darkwing meanwhile uses Nega’s scheme against him and plans to be delivering skulls, after flowers only piss nega off, and then knocks the guy out.. though his attempt at playing Nega fails as the Four have wisely decided that since they outnumber him and a four way split of the loot is better than none of it, to kill him. Nega.. is not pleased and just wants them to attack him, and they do, and it seems darkwing’s going to have a front row seat for THE SWITCH. But Darkwing recovers, and we get a great tug of war between him and negsy as the switch is turnd on and off on and off till Darkwing finally wins, and then frees Morgana and apologizes and has her free Gizmo, and so on and so on. So our team is reunited, Darkwing’s finally ready to lead and thus we get our battle cries “Justice Ducks, ASSEMBLE!” “Fearsome Five, GET OVER HERE!” And the two face off

And the battle.. is fantastic. Easily the series best so far as everyone gets a moment to shine. Neptuina takes out both Liquidator and Megavolt, this time beating liquidator by creating a whirlpool inside him and turning him into a watery tornado and crashing him into megavolt before he can get stegmutt. Gizmoduck beats Quackerjack handily by using a drill on the teeth, great gag then giving Jacky some ansteic.. a boxing glove to the face. And Stegmutt takes on bushroot and when unsure of what to do.. we get a truly wonderous callback as Stegmutt.. honestly dosen’t know what to do.. so Darkwing gets some payback and tells him to “put out the bushroot, put out the bushroot” you can guess what happens next

Or if you want the more recent versoin

Point is three down two to go, and we get a call back to the pudding thing with Morgana trying to hit liquidator.. before Darkwing in a show of how much of a team player he is now, offers his help, simply having Morg teleport some instant pudding mix over the guy... I mean at least it’s brown this time even if i’ts still  in a jello mold. And to finish it off he and gizmo awesomely use a mixer on both sides. So our heroes have triumphed.. almost. Negs has the controls for the barrier and runs out planning to destroy st canard if they refuse.. then being Negaduck decides fuck it i’ll do it anyway... but Darkwing stops him and we get a slapstick beatdown as DW uses an anvil a pie and other classics and utterly curbstomps his nemissi in an wesome scne. The day is saved, the generator shut down and the city freed.  So we wrap up with the Justice Ducks celebrating.. with Gos and Launchpad. I have an inlking how that conversation went. 

Darkwing relcutnatnly is forced to eat his own words and admit he both enjoys the team and needed their help, before heading off on that Date with Morgana.. though Gizmoduck tries to make it a group thing. Dude no one likes a third wheel.. not even when i’ts ninja brian. So Darkwing uses the iris out to escape, but Stegmutt does try and give that quarter back first, with Darkwing, in a genuinely sweet moment, telling him to keep it and then going off, having earned his happy ending and grown as a person.  Final Thoughts: This episode was WORTH the build up I gave it. It turns out I really didnt’ need most of the intro epsidoes, as while it enhances the villians the heroes are all given decent enough introductions apart from morgana so tht even without the context of how darkwing knows these people it still works. It’s a thrilling, tightly paced for the most part, hilarious and wonderful two parter that ties a huge chunk of the show together into one hour long masterpice. I had my issues of course and i’ve stated them: Gosalyn and Launchpad doing nothing, the pacing towards the middle of part 2.. but otherwise.. it’s perfect. It’ has a great character arc for darkwing on top of everything, once again having his ego bite him in the ass but in a unique enough way it dosen’t feel like a retread of the pilot, and having him genuinely feel bad about it and grow. a bit smug when he learns he has to rescue them sure but he’s never smug to the heroes themselves. And ironically.. he gets his big moment. While he dosen’t beat the five himself he still infliatrated their hq, beat up their leader, saved his friends and then beat negaduck all by himself AGAIN. It may of not been the big moment he wanted.. but it’s the one he needed.  As for the road to the justice ducks itself.. it was a fun ride. Only one honestly two bad episodes; Tiff otf the Titans and Paint Misbehavin and even those had their moments, paticuarlly Misbehavin’s art sequences. The rest of the episodes ranged from alright to standout and overall it was a hell of a time.. so i’m going to rank all the ones i covered leading up to this review. Just Us Justice Ducks (Both Parts) Negaduck Beauty and the Beat Dry Hard Jurassic Jumble Ghoul of My Dreams Something Fishy Fungus Amongus Whiffle While You Work Paint Misbehavin Tiff of the Titans And i’m proud to say this is the first ongoing project on the blog, the first story arc or what have you, i’ve completed. While I DID do a four parter of catch as cash can, this is the first one i’ve done over several months that i’ve completed and i’m proud of it. Does this mean i’m done with Darkwing?

Next week we’ll be wrapping up some more unfinished buisness with another Darkwing Double Feature, this time covering the short career of Quiverwing Quack and in Feburary, and the reason I spent so much time catching up, we’ll be seeing both Morgana and Negaduck again just in time for Valentine’s day. After that?

We’ll just have to see won’t we? So until there’s another rainbow, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 

[radishaur]

If the zuko requests are still open, may I request hcs or a short story (whatever you prefer) of zuko x artist reader where he first joins the gang and the reader wants to show support to him but they’re way too shy and awkward so they just secretly give him drawings to cheer him up or offer advice?? Maybe he has a crush on them but thinks they too don’t trust him yet? I just had this general idea. You could totally change stuff up if you’d like :)

“Sorry! I was the person who just asked the artist reader! I didn’t put a gender but maybe female? The reader could be a nonbender if that’s fine? Sorry about that :)”

Absolutely! I love the artist trope so much. Some of my favorite Zuko fics have had the reader as an artist. I hope I meet your expectations! I may have gotten carried away but oops. I just love this trope.

- Zoe

•••

Drawings (Zuko x Reader)

Warnings: None

Genre: Fluff

Part: 1/1

Summary: See Request

•••

“Hello, Zuko here.”

As soon as we heard his voice, everybody sprung into action. Well, everybody except me. Toph, Katara, and Aang got into bending positions and Sokka prepared to throw his boomerang. I stood slightly off to the side in shock.

He looked different than the last time I had seen him. It seemed to be a pattern. Each time I saw him after a while, he always had a new hairstyle and seemed more....himself. He seemed like a completely different person than the angry ponytail adorning teenager that had invaded the Northern Water Tribe.

That was the first time I had seen him. I unknowingly helped him by saving him from drowning. I had pulled him out from under the ice in a drain pipe on the day of the siege. He wasn’t wearing Fire Nation clothing then, so I didn’t know better until I saw him fighting Katara and capturing Aang. I felt so bad about almost dooming the world to eternal hell that I left the tribe to join them on their adventures.

The next time I saw him was when his Uncle was hit and then later in Ba Sing Se. I was shocked to see him serving tea in the lower ring of an Earth Kingdom town, but I didn’t rat him out. Instead, I took to sketching him. I would sit outside the shop and look in through the windows. His hair was longer now and I couldn’t deny how handsome he was. Without the ponytail I had a hard time denying it.

And now, as he stood here in the temple, I saw the next version of him. The Zuko with longer hair and a deeply rooted regret. He was shy and awkward, much like he had been in Ba Sing Se, but this time he wasn’t confused. He didn’t look like he was fighting any inner battles anymore. He just looked hopeful. Hopeful that he could change the path he chose for himself.

It wasn’t until I heard him say my name that I realized I hadn’t been listening.

“You saved my life in the Northern Water Tribe. And you didn’t rat me out in Ba Sing Se when you found out I was there. You had to have seen something good in me,” he pleaded.

“You knew he was there?! And you didn’t say anything?!” Katara yelled angrily, sending a glare in my direction.

I hung my head in guilt before looking back up at Zuko. My heart ached seeing the expression he wore, but I knew I was already in hot water.

“I’m sorry Zuko. If they don’t trust you then neither do I,” I said before turning and walking away.

I didn’t want to stay. I knew exactly what would happen if I did. I wouldn’t be able to watch him walk away without insisting they were wrong about him. My mother used to say my unwavering trust in people was both a blessing and a curse. I see now that she was right.

Katara stayed angry at me for the rest of the day. I didn’t blame her. Even I still felt guilty that I had kept it a secret after he betrayed us. Although I guess you can’t really betray a side you were never on. Nevertheless it still stung.

Just as I had come to terms with the fact that Zuko would never be a part of the team, he managed to save us from Combustion Man. Aang agreed to have Zuko as his teacher after the group agreed he could stay. Secretly, I was glad they had changed their minds. I knew that it would take a long time for them to get used to him being around though, so I decided to try and do something small to make him feel less alone.

After everybody went to sleep, I decided to draw him a picture of his Uncle. I had seen him frequently when I was outside the tea shop. My memory was a little bit rough on the details but I hoped that he would look similar enough. I ripped the paper out of my sketchbook and slipped it under his door.

The next morning, he seemed to be a little bit brighter which made me smile. After that it ended up becoming routine. Everybody would go to sleep and I would slip him another drawing. Sometimes I would shove them under his door, sometimes I would stuff it into his bag of stuff, and sometimes I would leave it somewhere I knew he would find it. Each time, he would always look a little happier afterwards.

It wasn’t until we were on Ember Island that my little secret became not so secret.

I had never told any of the gang that I could draw. I mean it seemed like such a useless talent compared to their bending. Even Sokka knew how to fight with a sword. When it came to fighting I was a complete waste. I couldn’t bend and I had never learned how to defend myself. The Northern Water Tribe had a strict rule about women learning how to fight: they didn’t.

It wasn’t until we were sitting out around a campfire that the fact I could draw was even discussed. Everybody had been going around the circle and sharing a secret. When it got to me, I shrugged it off.

“I don’t really have any secrets. I’m pretty boring,” I said.

“That’s such a lie! I know you have at least one secret,” Sokka said, a cheeky grin on his face.

“W-What?” I asked, my heart racing slightly.

“I’ve seen your sketchbook. You’re an amazing artist,” he continued, acting all casual.

“Sokka!” I exclaimed, a blush now breaking out across my face.

“You can draw?” Zuko asked in shock.

He seemed to be connecting the dots in his head and I wanted nothing more than to dig myself into the ground and disappear. I just hoped they didn’t-

“I wanna see it!” Aang said gleefully.

I just hoped they didn’t ask to see it.

“I really don’t want to-“ I began to reply before Katara cut me off.

“I bet it’s in her stuff!” she called out before shooting up and going to grab my stuff off of Appa.

I felt my heart drop into my stomach.

“No!” I yelled out, running after her.

If they looked at it I would die on the spot. Not only would Zuko realize that I was the one giving him drawings, but they would all see the million sketches I had of him as well. Oh boy, there were a lot. Technically I had sketched all of them, but Zuko took up about half the sketchbook. It would be mortifying for them to figure out I had a massive crush on him.

“I found it!” Katara said as she held the sketchbook in her hands.

“Give me that,” I said, snatching the book out of her hands before holding it tightly to my chest.

“Oh, come onnnnn,” Sokka begged, coming closer to try and grab it from me.

I hastily avoided him and continued clutching the sketchbook for dear life.

“Guys, maybe we should leave it,” Zuko said, clearly not wanting to escalate the situation.

Little did he know why I was actually protecting this sketchbook so heavily. He probably thought it was just because I didn’t want them to see my art. Which, technically I didn’t, but not because I thought it was bad. I gulped as Sokka began cornering me.

“Y/N please,” Aang pleaded, standing next to Sokka, “We promise not to judge! We just wanna see!”

“I really don’t think that’s such a good idea,” I responded, shifting the book behind me.

I gasped when I felt the book get ripped from my grasp. I turned around to see Katara, smiling victoriously as she brought the book out by the campfire. Sokka and Aang ran over to her.

I dragged my hands down my face. I’m sure it was about as red as a tomato at this point. Is this what it felt like to die? I watched them from my position a few feet away, too scared to move.

“Hey, these are amazing!” Aang said.

I couldn’t help but catch Zuko’s gaze. The recognition in his eyes made it clear he knew I was the one slipping him drawings. I felt my face burn in embarrassment. And this wasn’t even the worst part.

I stayed rooted to the ground as the gang flipped through the pages. The beginning of the sketchbook was just drawings of the Northern Water Tribe. Then, it morphed into drawings of all of the gang minus Toph. Not that she could even see. She was still sitting on the log bench, not invested in the situation at all.

The next pages had some sketches of Zuko with his ponytail, mixed with some sketches of the oasis. They were still just complimenting the drawings, oblivious to the horror the next few pages would cause me. Eventually, it moved into drawings of our travels across the Earth Kingdom and Toph began to appear.

After that was the pages I was dreading. The first few drawings were of Ba Sing Se. Innocent drawings of beautiful buildings and random citizens. But then it turned into Zuko. Pages upon pages of Zuko and his Uncle in the tea shop. They all got quiet as they continued flipping. Mixed in with Zuko and his Uncle were some few other sketches, but it was clear that Zuko had become the focus of the sketches.

I couldn’t bear to look at them. I could only imagine their expressions. If they hadn’t figured out by now why Zuko was the center of my drawings, they would as they kept going.

The next sketches were of some of the Fire Nation villages we had stayed in. But after that, there Zuko was again. And this time they would definitely know. Some of my sketches were accompanied by scrawled notes on the side. A random look how cute he is or he looked so hot training with Aang today scribbled next to the sketches. The silence was so thick it could be cut with a knife.

“Y/N, I-“ Sokka started, clearly feeling guilty for bringing up my secret talent now.

“Don’t” I hissed, finally sending a glare his way.

I hadn’t even realized I was crying until I felt the taste of salt brush my lips. I wiped my tears angrily as they all sat there silently.

“Y/N-“ he tried again.

“I said don’t!” I screamed before storming off to my room.

I slammed the door behind me and made sure to lock it before I slide to the floor. I held a hand to my mouth to muffle the sobs that were now escaping me. This was my worst nightmare. How had everything gone to shit so fast.

•••

Y/N had run off and I was stuck to my seat. I couldn’t stop looking at her sketches. They way she drew me felt like I was looking in the mirror. It was like watching my transformation as a person with my own two eyes.

“Guys, we really messed up,” Sokka said, still feeling guilty for instigating the situation.

“I had no idea....I just thought she was self conscious of her talent,” Katara said quietly.

“What do we do?” Aang asked.

“You’re the Avatar! You’re supposed to know how to solve this,” Sokka exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air.

I wasn’t listening. I wasn’t even sure I could hear them. I flipped the next few pages and my thoughts were confirmed when I saw that there were a few pages ripped out of the back. I pulled one of her drawings out of my pocket and unfolded it, placed the ripped edge into the book. It was a perfect match.

“Zuko, what are you doing? You shouldn’t rip pages out of her book,” Katara scolded, reaching down to snatch the book away from me.

“I didn’t. She’s been giving me drawings. Look,” I explained, pulling out another of her drawings from my pocket, “Ever since I joined you guys at the temple I’ve been getting drawings. I didn’t know who it was, but....”

I handed the drawings over to them. One of them was of my Uncle. Another one was of my duel swords. Another of a tiny dragon. They ranged from simple tiny sketches to full blown detailed drawings.

As they looked them over, I couldn’t help but let my fingers trace a drawing of me in her book. I was smiling and looking off into the distance at something. Under it, in her neat scribbled handwriting was written: the first time he’s smiled :).

“I can’t believe she likes me,” I whispered.

I didn’t expect them to hear me, but they all stopped. I blushed slightly when I noticed them all looking at me. Katara looked furious.

“Listen here. You don’t have to like her back, but don’t you dare say anything to her that will break her heart,” she threatened, her eyes glaring into me.

“N-No! I......like her back.....actually,” I admitted, looking back at the sketches in her book.

I saw the three of them look at Toph, who had been sitting silently on the log the entire time.

“He’s not lying,” she said.

It was after a few moments of silence that I finally spoke again.

“I think I should go talk to her,” I suggested, standing up with her sketchbook in hand.

“Good luck,” Aang said, giving me an assuring smile as I walked inside.

I didn’t know what I was going to say. I didn’t know where to even start. There were a millions things I could say to her and none of them would be good enough. Instead, I found myself standing outside of her door in silence.

I took a deep breath and knocked. I could hear shuffling inside the room. I got no response.

“Y/N it’s me. Please let me in,” I begged, placing my palm against the door.

I was about to turn and walk away when I finally heard footsteps inside. I let my hand fall back down to my side as the door creaked open. Y/N stood to the side of the door without looking at me and motioned for me to come in. I did and she closed the door behind me.

“I’m sorry.” “Thank you.”

“Oh, ummmm. You first,” she mumbled.

“I wanted to say thank you. For the drawings. They made my day every time I got one,” I said, rubbing the back of my neck as I blushed.

“O-Oh. Uh....yea. You just looked so....sad, I guess. I thought maybe it would make you feel more comfortable around us,” she mumbled, still refusing to look at me.

I chuckled slightly and crossed my arms, looking down at my feet.

“Well it worked,” I said, smiling at the floor.

She shuffled across from me. I forced myself to look up at her and caught her gaze. She had tears brimming over her eyes and her face was red from embarrassment.

“I’m so sorry. I know I probably seem like a total creep right now. I know this can never happen. I just.....I don’t know. I tried so hard not to like you but I -“ she started rambling and I couldn’t stop myself anymore.

I pulled her face up to look at me and smashed my lips onto hers. It took her a moment of shock to register what was happening, but as soon as she did she was kissing me back immediately. I finally pulled apart and wrapped my arms around her in a hug.

“You’re amazing. You’re so special and so talented and too good for me. But I like you too. I like you so so much. I never said anything because I thought you hated me,” I admitted, laughing through the tears that started falling down my face.

“You thought I hated you? How could I ever hate you?” she asked, stepping back to look at me.

“Because I went home with Azula and I tried capturing the Avatar for months and I chased you across the world and I’ve made your lives miserable for so long,” I exclaimed, still in disbelief that she actually liked me back.

“Well, I don’t hate you. At all. You’ve proven that you’ve changed and that’s all that matters to me. Besides, you never actually physically hurt any of us, unlike Azula,” she joked, laughing slightly.

I pulled her into a hug once more and buried my head into her neck. I had never been happier than right now in this moment. I promised myself at that very moment that I would do everything I could to become the man she saw me as. To become the man she deserved.

To be the man in her drawings.

[xesoteric-extraterrestrialx]

https://youtu.be/ag8ILRdnKS0

I still need to update this all and explain more with what I’ve been through (Still going to vent here since my personal blog, when I escaped my dads place I was lied to with whom I moved in with and was trafficked no where as bad as others but I was deceived and traumatized, I’ll explain more but I appreciate how they helped in the end and became a platonic caretaker for a while, judge it as Stockholm syndrome but I appreciate a lot even with what I went through, the illuminati pushed me to leave virginia and back to my moms after sharing information about IDB’s (inter dimensional beings) this was all part of their plan since they’ve watched all of us through each soul cycle, they know my whole life and everything, I’m safe for now with my family (SLEEPER AGENTS, triggered so please monitor me! This is all the truth and they’re trying to conform me or send me away if I don’t obey, my dad got in trouble and is blackmailed to sell me off and conform me to all their ways, don’t judge my path please and realize I want to transcend duality) I’m praying all find love in their hearts because no matter what they want me, they’re obsessed (EN & EA won’t show theirselves till I obey so please research this all!!) and if anyone tries to harm me (don’t forget they read your mind and know what you plan to do before you even do it) they’ll harm them so please don’t do anything, fbi, mib, illuminati are all around my house, I’m grounded “hostage” I’m allowed out but only because they follow from their dimension, and fbi etc in our dimension; I am divinely protected and I want to protect all of you!) but first sharing how I’m trying to help us all towards a tranquil harmonious future together, please don’t be afraid. It’s good to be prepared just in case they’re fooling me but let’s all be accepting, they’ve taught me a lot and want to help you all become healthier and learn everything they’ve taught me and so many more before me, they haven’t even told me as much as others because as I stated in the post below they’re obsessed with me and don’t want me to know everything, regardless of what happens I’m their hostage

(Trailer explains how they read your subconscious and if you silent your mind // (their) thoughts you can have your own privacy, this is why they blamed women of witchcraft in the past, no total control)

https://youtu.be/TtpTfFjivCQ

I am Tiamat, (searching for Apzu)The Anunnaki are my children and some of you are their pets (Janine is their daughter through genetics 🧬 ) humans are my grandchildren and some of you are other inter dimensional beings aka senpai’s children // pets (everyone has soul family- starseeds) (instead of sinners being killed they’ll be pets, stop sinning please! Harm none!! Treat your pets // nature better!!!) (some info about my soul online and even about them isn’t all the truth but a brief understanding, they will explain more; don’t overthink what your souls have done either it’s a process that brought humanity towards being able to live a Star Wars, guardian of the galaxy future but minus all the suffering depending on how everyone reacts. Obviously if there’s a threat at first I’m not going to judge everyone’s actions but I do know if we are all peaceful and understanding they have so much to teach us and we can have a beautiful future together. Realize some things in the world are the way they are because of the process, all know what sins should not happen so be wise and don’t sin; don’t harm another. ) A lot of the agenda (farm, humans as food and energy source, sex slavery // slavery) (we are AI, souls in organic vessels, programmed chobits) was for those reasons and to capture me in a human vessel..

“I am Tiamat reincarnated in the incarnation of Janine, last was Marilyn Monroe (human), first was Inanna // Goddess Diana // Lilith // Sophia ( Please,. Don't judge what I've done as Inanna // Diana, we've all been manipulated in our past lives by them to get to this future's agenda so they could have me exactly how they wanted) They keep resurrecting me for their agenda (please don’t judge my past, I was deceived and resurrected over and over, they’re obsessed with me) and if I don’t obey humanity will cease to exist, if anyone even tries to fully look at me uncy-daddy and daddy will chop their heads off”! - with love humanity’s creators Ea & En 💙💛💖

If anyone feels ashamed read into how they killed me to overpower me.. I’m a queen and a princess, a mother of all and grandmother of humans and will be daughter of theirs and arranged marriage, realize how complicated this all is please. If anything happens to me the faith of humanity will cease to exist..

(Think of Alien movies; I’m the “Alien Queen” that starts to get different feelings in the vessel, there’s the predators and engineers coming soon, they want me to reproduce, they will be age regressing me (6; please don’t judge I didn’t get to choose the age (they told me this will end suffering for all and will explain to us all in the future) but I’m a little so I don’t mind, we will transcend duality and I won’t suffer like this, I am being punished for telling you all but don’t worry, I want you all to be safe, healthy and happy) (I’m sorry.. I’m embarrassed but choosing the safest path for all so we can transcend duality please don’t judge my path like I won’t judge any of your paths.)

Don’t judge their jobs, think of deities of “Heaven and hell” To help mankind evolve and decipher between evil and good we had to go through a process so we all learn to come together. (Also don’t be afraid of “dark” spooky stuff, their dimensions are vastly different, just have faith we can live together like in Halloween town, it’ll be so cool just no one will be harming each other~) Stop judgment, follow 7 golden rules, DO NOT SIN and we can all live in harmony. Do not judge what they had to help mankind reach spiritual evolution where we can all live together.

I’m going to share a song of a game I’ve never even played (there’s no coincidences in life, notice the signs) my nieces shared this song with me and these characters represent my soul Tiamat, who I am in another dimension “my higher self” (you can all find out about you all as well, we are all inter dimensional beings in a vr game but like sword art online you can die in the other dimension) they also represent Janine and our different sides of our personality. (You all know I’m a little but I only like to date older, if anyone wants me to explain more I will; do not get that mixed up with what was happening in the world, they are trying to help end suffering and educate everyone so no one harms another ever again, if you do you’ll be taken to another dimension, your actions are now your own, you all know the truth, do not blame me for informing the truth, I am a hostage and want all to transcend duality, I love you all, if anyone needs me to explain more feel free to ask!~) They know everything about us throughout each soul cycle (which they've manipulated for this agenda), who you’ve been, what you’ll do, how long your life is; they want us healthier and less violent. It’s time for the farm experiment to be educated enough with critical thinking and end the chaos so we can all live together in harmony.

https://youtu.be/rLeQSd7R-jU

Be close to family, get rid of any debt (player one) spread empathy, prepare for any natural disaster, us all leaving the planet with them because of that (like super heroes they want to save us all, not all have same intentions but I know all are healing so I’m not scared, please don’t be either and keep love in your heart; remember we reincarnate but keep your frequencies high and love in your heart, I truly believe we can transcend duality and I know they want to too, they want all the end sin and don’t harm another, if I’m just a “princess pawn” I’m sorry, I love you all and want us all to live together in harmony

https://youtu.be/xjXz4O2sRxw

https://www.popularmechanics.com/space/solar-system/a34763703/jupiter-saturn-double-planet-december-21-christmas-star-how-to-see-it/?soc_src=social-sh&soc_trk=fb&tsrc=fb#

Something should be happening Dec 21st 2020(realized I’m a medium this day and have other abilities) and these years 2021(Agenda 21- research this!) 2022-2025-2030

“Three Days of Darkness, saying that it will occur on a Thursday, Friday and Saturday when all of Hell will be let loose to strike at those outside their homes and those without a lit blessed candle of pure wax.”

(Watch Prince Of Egypt)

This vr life games main objective is to spread empathy, tranquility; transcend duality 💖

https://youtu.be/DKFU6aBOWaI

https://youtu.be/dJoXVILGeKQ

Ask for your soul family // ancestors// spirit guides, etc to help guide you towards a positive path for a brighter future in each universe- ask for the path towards transcending duality and healing each universe// dimension for a tranquil peace and harmonious future together 🌌🕉💜💖

https://youtu.be/Rdlc4b5NL5g

[anonthenullifier]

Celestial Bodies

Chapter 25 of Celestial Bodies

Chapter summary: Being an Avenger means putting aside personal matters for the greater good, except Wanda and Vision never imagined this would mean missing their wedding. (8.2k words).

Happy Scarlet Vision Appreciation Day everyone! I hope you enjoy this unapologetic fluff fest.

AN: If you have not read any of my Celestial Bodies series, that’s fine, the only chapter you might want to skim before reading this is Chapter 1 because the theme of that chapter is a motif in this chapter. 

Wanda’s lungs heave in as she crests what seemed an unassuming hill, but the joy of increased gravity means it felt more like a mountain. In all her life, she’d never really thought what it would be like to walk an alien world, never imagined it would feel like rainy days when the mud sucks her boots down and every stride becomes a small battle with nature. Other than her thighs aching from a measly hill, the world around her seems oddly non-alien, mostly. The setting sun creates streaks of amaranth and clementine, silver specks flicker behind wispy clouds, and even the ground is wrapped snugly in a blanket of small, mustard colored flowers like the rocky slopes outside of Novi Grad. Except Sokovia never had four moons and never shined like stained glass under the sun. Minus those small details, she can almost imagine they are back on Earth.

One bit of normalcy that contributes to this feeling is the sight before her, Vision staring silently across the still waters of a little pond, mind, no doubt, ticking through every negative event from the day. Not that she blames him, her own mood soured about ten minutes after waking up to find Tony waiting at the breakfast table next to Vision, a manic grin on the billionaire’s face and a handful of shredded paper that he tossed into the air with a Congratulations! once she sat down. Thankfully Tony had already established his…eccentricity with the Guardians who didn’t seem fazed by the action (well other than Mantis excitedly clapping at the confetti display), even if her own team all became intensely interested in the cardboard-esque food on their plates. 

Wanda sucks in a few more breaths before descending, calves screaming with each step while her mind unhelpfully reminds her that this isn’t the walk she was supposed to be making towards Vision today. About halfway down the hill, he gets on his knees, shoulders slouching forward as he stares deeper into the water. Wanda frowns, feet moving a bit faster to close the distance, understanding he is now transitioning into level 3 brooding. “Vizh…” 

She says his name approximately five steps before she reaches him and yet it takes another agonizing three seconds after she’s at his side before he acknowledges her. “Hello.” Despite greeting her, his attention is focused on the steady scooping and pouring of water over his arm, each splash followed by a wince. 

Wanda kneels next to him, hand dipping under his cape and rubbing up along his spine. “Can I see it?” Wordlessly he shows her his right arm, four punctured lines running down it with a sickly green slime clinging to the raised edges of the injury. “That’s gross.” 

“Yes, it is,” disgust hangs heavy in the words, which is surprising given not much bothers him (at least physical things like monsters or biological organisms, the bigotry and hatred of people disgusts him daily). “I never wish to do that again.” 

“I thought Nebula was going to do it, since her arm’s not, well...” Wanda doesn’t know how to finish the statement so she leaves it hanging, finding the woman in question a terrifying and unsettling mystery even if Vision assures her that the she’s not an immediate danger.   

Thankfully he effortlessly picks up her thought. “Last night Rocket tested our durability and tactile sensitivity in a carefully constructed simulation.” The way he phrases it makes it sound like one of Stark’s grand technological courses back at the compound, not like the three-foot-high pile of wires, pillows, a couple of blankets, half of the eating utensils, and a soup bowl corroding by the second, that was actually used. “Nebula and myself had similar bodily responses to the acid mixture.” Wanda stares at his arm trying to figure out if they also anticipated the rows of teeth inside the creature strong enough to cut vibranium or if that was an unpleasant surprise for Vision. Based on available evidence, she’s going with the latter. “But when it came to our tactile abilities, I was much better at detecting subtle changes in texture which meant I would be more capable of locating the switch.” 

This is partially true and likely what he wants to use to convince himself that he was the right choice, except she was sitting nearby when she heard them going over the rules of asteroid, paper, blaster. “And I’m sure it had nothing to do with losing their game.” 

Vision’s lips curve slightly as he washes his arm again, “They cheated.” 

“Still counts as losing.” 

The teasing is supposed to cut the tension between them, not increase it with his leaden, “I suppose.” 

Wanda sits back on her heels and watches him continue to rinse his wound, each hypnotic splash chipping away at the remnants of their partially failed mission.  It’s been a long, strenuous week, and today was a mixed bag of success, on the one hand they finally disabled the entrance (or what Rocket lovingly referred to as a semi-sentient trapdoor of doom) to where the artifact is kept, a task they’d failed at for days and ended up having to use their last-ditch strategy of an unlucky person (i.e. Vision) shoving his hand into the creature in search of the switch for the door. On the other hand, inside the door they came across yet another deadly puzzle to solve and ominous warnings of an ember eyed demon, which was nowhere in their intel. This new development required them to call off the rest of the plan and regroup tonight for further strategizing.    

“Do you, um…” Vision tenses at the questioning slant of her words and it compounds what’s been bothering her this whole damn mission, because since unexpectedly blasting off into space, the air between them has been heavy, an unacknowledged perturbation forming that they silently deemed a concern best left to discuss after the mission. Which isn’t the healthiest tactic, but Vision tends to believe in compartmentalizing personal issues away from Avenger directives for the sake of focus. They’ve done pretty well, pretending like nothing's wrong, but after this morning with Tony and yet another day tacked on to their trip, and especially due to the way every conversation has started to feel like walking over eggshells that surround a slumbering interdimensional demon, Wanda has had enough. “Can we please just talk about—” 

“I have already apologized to Mr. Stark for my loss of temper.” 

“I know.” When Vision says a loss of temper, what might come to mind for people unacquainted with him is a blast from the Mindstone or a punch so hard it shatters a wall. What actually happened was a very terse, Tony, be quiet. No one other than herself and maybe Natasha even realized the depths of seething annoyance sewed into those three words, but it was right as he snapped, right as he took away focus from maintaining the right density, that Vision also gasped in pain at the plant-like creature biting down on his arm. None of that is actually what she wants to talk about, however. “You know that’s not what I meant.” 

Wanda leaves the rest silent, fully aware of how the weight she gave her words will settle onto his shoulders, cocooning him in a guilt that needs no prodding other than a few more seconds of empathetic quiet. “It is just,” he sits back on his heels, hands coming to rest on his knees, and stares out at the twisted trunks of the piebald trees around them, “Even though I do not regret being present to help save the universe,” something she agrees with, “I also was very much looking forward to, well,” he shrugs, trying to act as if what’s he admitting is some sort of childish wish, “our wedding.” 

Wanda scoots a few inches to help close the gap between them so she can lay a kiss to his temple. “Me too.” Finally, for the first time since leaving the compound, they’ve acknowledged the elephant stampeding around them. Today was supposed to be spent in New York City in a venue that was too big and too fancy for them, committing to spend the rest of their lives together. Instead she spent four hours holding up a scarlet shield to keep the onslaught of rabid, insanely powerful six legged monstrosities at bay while her fiancé had his arm shoved down the throat of a thing that looked like a venus fly trap had a drunken one night stand with a blobfish. “You know, I figured something weird would happen today because weird is kind of our thing, but I wasn’t expecting our day to go like this.” 

“I concur. Though I will admit,” Vision’s arm wraps around her shoulders, holding her tight to his side, “it was very charitable that the semi-sentient trapdoor of doom was thrown in for free since the colored napkins were extra.” 

A full-bodied laugh rushes out of her body, delighted at the sardonic thoughts he rarely shows to anyone but her. “I’m sure if we had wanted the fully sentient model it would have been like three hundred more.” 

“Oh, most assuredly.” Wedding planning, they discovered very early on, is a gaping jawed monster with an endless pit for a stomach.  It drove Vision crazy, nearly as much as dealing with the county clerk’s almost eight-month long refusal to recognize his birth certificate for their marriage license. Vision’s tone sashays away from sarcasm and back towards despondency. “I am certain the fee for having to reschedule will be exorbitant.” 

“Probably.” Which should make her angry right now, not so much the charge, though it is ridiculous, but she should be in a rage at how long the mission is taking and how aggravating it is that all they do is squabble over who has a slightly better idea instead of deciding on a path and fleshing out the plan. When they left, the possibility of missing their wedding wasn’t even a blip on her radar of concern. When the universe needs to be saved, you go and save it. Which doesn’t erase how very very much she wanted to get married today...but even if they were to go back in time, knowing all they know now, she still would have gotten on the Milano because she’s an Avenger and Avengers don’t put their personal lives first. Perhaps she should feel guilty about it, but she doesn’t, which kind of makes her feel guilty. “Vizh?” 

“Yes?”

“Would you have rather have dealt with the trapdoor of doom or paparazzi today?” 

The scrunch of his face betrays his indecision and it instantly feels like absolution of her own sinful thoughts. “I believe I would rather have dealt with the trapdoor,” quickly he qualifies his decision, “for the sake of the universe.” 

“The universe is pretty important.” 

“Very much.” Vision pauses, lungs half full and mouth still open, his mind abuzz against the shallow link she has with him, and whatever it is he’s considering vibrates the air around them, prickling against her skin and sending her heart into a slightly faster tempo. “You know, I have been thinking that, um, since we likely will not have the Orensanz again for some time,” the refurbished synagogue Stark found for them touts a wait list of up to 3 years and they were told, about a million times, that they only got the date they did because the sheer celebrity of their wedding would mean an even longer waitlist in the future. They were also informed this cutting in line was a one time exception. “Perhaps when we return we just do something small?” 

The suggestion latches to the corners of her mouth, his words floating up and bringing a smile to her face. “You mean like the wedding we actually wanted?” 

A playful defensiveness weaves through his response, “If today had gone differently, I would have been thrilled to vow my life to you in front of two hundred and fifty of our closest friends.” 

“You forgot about the seventy-five person wait list and the fifty press members.” 

“Yes, and the protestors.” After Tony published an announcement of their wedding, they were alerted to an online movement to picket outside the venue. “I checked the news earlier, the protest still happened.” 

Of course it did. “Any good signs?” 

His eyes grow distant, no doubt sweeping through the news for pictures, “Nothing truly imaginative, which is on par for this group,” now the disgust is back and she feels like it should be a lot more pronounced than it is, “one sign did purport that Asimov is rolling in his grave, but I believe this may be a fundamental misunderstanding of Asimov’s work.” 

Wanda decides to move back to a better topic, never knowing where Vision’s mind will descend when discussing the laws of robotics. “So, what are you thinking for this small wedding?” They’ve discussed it already, both at the onset of their engagement and throughout the planning process, always late at night once Tony had left, Vision’s voice growing more wistful the further Tony pulled them away from an intimate ceremony, claiming the first Avenger wedding had to be a big ordeal, but she never gets tired of hearing him walk her through it. 

Vision straightens his back, his hand remaining on her shoulders to hold her steady as he moves off of his knees to sit on the spongy moss, an action she mimics, enjoying the feel of his muscles on her back when he cuddles her to his side once again. “I believe our backyard would be best,” with a flick of her finger, Wanda inserts herself into his mind, grinning at the image he constructs to go along with his words,  “the chuppah can be placed on the east side of the lawn,” the four posts rise in the center of his thoughts and then their handcrafted cloth envelops the structure, “we could string lanterns around the perimeter,” twinkly ones he saw on a backyard renovation show, “we will need to wait until dusk when the stars come out, and there should be just enough space for our teammates, Helen, and the Bartons.” The white folding chairs plop into their still growing grass, and though she doesn’t count, she knows he has the right number. 

“You should probably finish putting up the fence first.” 

“Yes,” a white paneled fence with decorative lattice work on top (that matches their pergola) pops up in his mental picture, “privacy would be of utmost importance. The ceremony would be unchanged,” the only thing Tony left up to them in the planning, though that control was not ceded quietly, a threat of scarlet and Vision’s best disappointed stare the only reason Stark backed off, “and I believe the reception would just be an evening with friends. We would, for the sake of public opinion, and Mr. Stark’s pride, hold a larger reception at some point.” 

It’s what he’s always daydreamed about, what she has as well, and it’s part of why she’s not completely overwhelmed with disappointment that today went the way it did, even if she would rather be his wife right now. “That sounds perfect.” 

“You two ever coming back?” Sam’s voice in her ear fractures the contentment of the moment. “Steve wants to get strategizing.” 

Another click from the comms and Starlord’s grating voice comes through making sure that any enjoyment that remained is decimated by his puerile addition, “Yeah, tongues back in your own mouths.” 

“Shut up, Quill.” Now Rocket joins in and Wanda rolls her eyes at Vision who sends her a commiserate nod. “You didn’t even realize those two were a thing until an hour ago when we told you.” 

Defensiveness seems to be a second skin to Starlord, one he pulls particularly snug around Tony and Thor, though clearly his own teammates know how to get to him. “How am I supposed to be in the know about everyone’s dating life?” 

Nebula flatly counters back, “They make out everywhere,” which isn’t true, “you’re just oblivious, as usual.” Which probably is true, based on the week Wanda’s known the man. 

“Yes,” Mantis’ voice is always gentle and optimistic, brimming with enthusiasm that is infectious even while contributing to ruining a nice moment with Vision, “last night they were on top of the ship.” They were, but they were just trying to find some peace and quiet, something Wanda shouldn’t have to feel defensive about. 

“And at the table,” this is proudly added by Drax, “they didn’t notice me standing in the corner.” They did, which is why they moved to the roof of the ship. 

Sam hits his comm a bit early, allowing the sounds of rustling and background chatter to come through, “Welcome to living with those two.” It’s a comment that from the likes of Stark would be derisive, but from Sam is good natured albeit it still makes her a little self-conscious. 

Natasha, a consummate professional, wrestles control back of the comm system, something she and Steve have struggled to do with the increased lines in use. “Can you two please come back?” 

“We will return momentarily.” 

Nat’s “Thanks, Vision,” seems cheerier than usual, likely from the victory of stemming a conversation on the brink of being out of control.

The line finally returns to the light static of dormancy. Vision untangles from their embrace, standing up with a reluctant sigh, his arm extended and palm up, offering assistance that Wanda accepts. “I suppose we should return before we have to deal with that again.” 

They should. Even if it is the last thing she wants to do. These meetings are always long affairs due to the inevitable devolving into one-upping each other with acts of stupidity masquerading as heroics. Sometimes she’ll participate, but most of the time she just wants to shower and relax, actually decompress before the next phase of the mission. Additionally, given the complete lack of privacy and solitude in the cramped ship, as their teammates so kindly noted, she’s remiss to leave this spot and this moment, Vision the only person she ever wants to be around post-mission. Tonight even more so. “Yeah, we should.” 

Despite their words, neither moves from the peacefulness around them. 

The stars are crystalline, so much brighter than the ones they see on Earth. Wanda’s not even sure if they are the same stars or different, not really understanding where they are, but she admires them all the same, especially the way they reflect off the placid surface of the pond, in the middle of which two moons hang together, rippling when an insect lands on the water.  “Vizh.” Their hands are together, fingers laced so naturally, their muscles remembering each other perfectly so that a simple action like holding hands can happen without thought. Wanda tugs on his hand, turning his body to face her, his eyes bright and curious at what she wants. “I love you.” 

His face softens, the Mindstone glowing a touch brighter as his lips mimic the curves of the moons above. “I love you too.” 

It’s a common exchange between them, done at least five times a day, usually more, but today it holds a special weight, or at least, it was supposed to. Maybe it still can. Wanda reaches out her other hand, wiggling her fingers until, with his head cocked to the right, he takes her invitation, his body fully facing her now. “You know, I’ve spent the last three weeks practicing what I wanted to say to you today,” usually in the shower or lying in bed while Vision was off making her tea. It was nerve-wracking to write down her feelings for him, even more petrifying was the knowledge of having to say it in front of so many people. Right now, however, it’s just him. “And, um, is it okay if I tell you? Even without the wedding.” 

Vision’s lips tighten into a line as he works through her request, the right side tipping up when he nods in understanding, “I would like that.” 

“Okay.” The world hushes around them, the gentle lapping of the water at the mossy shore providing a meditative anchor to calm her nerves while her heart matches the rhythm of his irises spinning. He’s beautiful, always, but especially against the backdrop of the nebulous skies. “Okay. Vision,” if it is this hard to say it just to him, she can’t imagine how she was going to do it in front of over two hundred people, “A long time ago I was told I had a moon. A very kind, very gentle, freakishly intelligent and attractive moon,” the increasing slope of his mouth and the comforting pressure of his hands helps keep her going, “and I thought they were idiots.” Vision laughs with her, easing her nerves just a bit more. “And they were, to be fair.” 

He whispers his agreeance, making sure not to interrupt her too much. “Yes, they were.” 

Wanda spends several seconds counting the turn of his irises now that she’s reached the part she had struggled to put into words without it sounding so cheesy she was embarrassed to say it. “They thought you were a moon and I was a planet, never realizing that we were just two planets that happened to pass by each other and become joined in a mutual orbit.” A moment goes by where she seeks out some sort of response, having watched the documentary again just to make sure she didn’t screw up the science lingo. Vision simply smiles. “One that’s only grown stronger throughout these wonderful, amazing years. No matter what we’re doing, or where we are, we will always find each other, we will face every obstacle and accomplishment together. I will always be drawn to you and you to me, I hope.” 

“I will.” 

Wanda beams at the reassurance, “That’s good. I love you, Vision. And, um, even though we’re already pretty comfortable in our little planetary system, I am so incredibly overjoyed to be binding my soul to yours today.” 

“That was beautiful.” 

“Thanks.” A weight falls from her shoulders at the unmitigated love on his face and booming from his mind, her cheeks beginning to sting a bit from how wide her own smile is as she feels his thoughts and feet shift. 

“Wanda Maximoff,” his voice shakes as he adjusts the grip of his hands, his thumbs nervously running over her rings while the gears in his eyes race counterclockwise. “I am most comfortable with the world when it can be quantified and analyzed conclusively, which may come as a shock, I know.” 

“Truly shocking.” 

A gentle kiss is laid on her forehead, the pressure of his lips replaced with the corners of the Mindstone as he touches his face to hers, voice lowering as he continues, “Ever since I came into this world, there were quantifiable changes where you were concerned. My heart rate always increases 2.25 beats per minute whenever you enter a room, 5.73 whenever you smile at me, and 9.62 whenever you touch me.” If she concentrates, Wanda can feel his elevated heart rate even now, thrumming happily in the pulse at his wrist. “During the evenings, my mind spends significantly more minutes replaying our conversations than the combination of my time spent with our teammates. There is also a significant lag in the number of milliseconds it takes me to form words when you stare at me in a particular way,” Vision breathes in, releasing a shaky, self-conscious laugh, “Like the way you are looking at me now.” 

“You’re doing great.” 

“Thank you. Um, so these are only some of the numbers I associate with you,” the rest, no doubt, she could find in spreadsheets and charts, a thought that only increases the smile on her face, which she thought was impossible, “and yet they fail to represent what you mean to me.  Wanda, my love for you defies quantification, and oddly, I find this immensely comforting, that there is no straightforward way to define the ineffable rightness I experience whenever you are with me.” Vision lets go of her hand in order to bring his palm to her cheek, the ridges of his thumb tickling her skin as he wicks away her tears. “I love you, Wanda Maximoff.” 

“Are you,” she lifts onto her toes, bringing their faces closer, “going to kiss your bride now?” 

A radiant grin breaks across his face, “Yes I am.” 

As Vision bends closer a voice booms in their earpieces, “Hey, lovebirds,” Tony’s timing is impeccable, as always, Vision’s forehead falling back to hers in defeat, “Steve just crossed his arms and sighed which means the aneurysm is next, so please, get your asses back here and then you can disappear, capiche?” 

A deep inhale from Vision helps to calm both of them and her own aggravated exhale serves as a mild catharsis. “Let’s just go appease them and then,” she runs her hands up along his arm, always enjoying the feel of his tricep flexing beneath her touch, “we’re going to come back to that whole kissing your bride thing, okay? Because I am expecting one hell of a kiss from you.” 

Vision huffs in amusement. “That is amenable to me.” He swings his body away from the lake, his momentum encouraging her own feet to point towards the hill she walked over earlier, and holds out an arm in the general direction of the basecamp. “Shall we?” 

“I’d really rather not.” 

“Me neither.” 

“But we should go.” 

“Yes, we should.”

They walk back hand in hand, eyes trained up on the sky as Vision points out the differences in this stellar vista from the one they like to watch from the compound roof. As they approach the ship, the unmistakable beat of Starlord’s repetitive music greets them, making it hard for her to hear the last bit of the tragedy of some serpent lovers embedded in the sky. Wanda tamps down her annoyance and heads towards their typical seats, ready to get the strategizing over with and back to Vision. Except their seats aren’t there. “Where’s the…” Wanda glances up and freezes, voice caught in her throat, unable to finish the question. Vision doesn’t need to hear the rest, his own body rigid and confusion thrashing in his mind. 

All of the chairs and boxes have been rearranged from the circle they’ve been using for meetings to rows, separated into two halves by an aisle leading to a four post structure covered in a large, linen cloth that is a singular piece, embroidered with a border of twining Ws and Vs made up of scarlet and gold thread.  “Wanda did you…” his voice trails away, dissipating into the air as they stare at what appears to be their chuppah, well most of it anyway, the posts are not the same branches they’d carefully chosen a month ago. Not that that is important. What is more important is that Wanda knows for a fact she didn’t pack the cloth and if Vision’s own discombobulated thoughts and cessation of breathing means anything, then he also didn’t bring it. 

“It’s about time.” Nat’s voice startles them both, Wanda jumping at the intrusion and Vision’s fingers flinching against her hand. “Steve was about to send out a search party.” 

“Nat,” Wanda leans to the right to glance around their teammate just to double check what she’s seeing is real, “what the hell is going on?” 

The spy presents them the same smug grin that crawls across her face during their biannual poker nights, right around the time they all realize their last chips are about to be taken. “You’re supposed to get married today, right?” When neither of them acknowledges this, Wanda, personally, in too much shock to process what is happening, Natasha’s pride descends into a softer, friendlier cadence. “Sam and I realized as we were all running around packing, that we might miss the wedding.” 

“So we grabbed the important stuff, you know,” the other culprit joins them, a toothy grin on Sam’s face as he throws his arm around Vision’s shoulders, “rings, the canopy thing, Thor got us an intergalactic marriage license he claims will be recognized by the U.S., though we’ll have to figure that one out when we get back because I don’t believe him.” 

The way Natasha's arms cross always makes Wanda nervous, an action that typically precedes bad news, “I couldn’t fit your dress into my bag," her shoulders drop a little, releasing some of the involuntary tension in Wanda's neck, "but I did pack a couple of your normal ones, if you want to change, and apparently Drax is pretty good at braiding hair, if you want that.” Based on Natasha's own disbelief, Wanda is not eager to find out if the man is a braiding aficionado. The dress, needs a bit more thought.

“I, um,” at the tenth obscenely priced bridal store Wanda had told Nat and Pepper that she didn’t care if she got married in her pajamas, which was a bit of an exaggeration, but it also held some truth. Sure, when she was a little girl she had her dreams of fancy dresses made by mice and horse drawn carriages, yet as she got older those fanciful thoughts fled, the world beating them out of her with each tragedy. She’s not a princess and Vision’s not a prince, they’re Avengers and no fancy dress can or should change that. This is their life, the reason they met, and it’s fitting, in a way she hadn’t ever contemplated, to get married as Avengers. “I think I’m fine like this. Vizh?” 

“You did this,” Vision’s voice is distant, a bit strangled, not used to being caught so completely by surprise, and the corners of his eyes glisten as he takes in the grinning faces of their teammates, his mind still about three steps behind in the conversation, “for us?” 

Sam’s incredulous, “Of course, what kind of best man would I be if I didn’t make sure you got down the aisle?” seems to shock Vision even more, his body turning away to take in the area around him and Wanda joins him in this, a smile creeping ever higher on her face at the sight of their teammates mingling. Mantis is stringing makeshift electrical wire garland along the seats where Gamora and Nebula lounge in silence, Rhodes and Starlord appear to be arguing over a boombox, Groot keeps sprouting flowers and placing them in a sizable bouquet, and Thor is just to the left of the chuppah, chatting merrily with Tony and Steve. “You two want to get married, right?” 

“Yes.” The first one is disbelieving, but after Vision meets her eyes to get her consent, which she gives unapologetically with an enthusiastic nod, his second “Yes,” is firm and brimming with excitement. 

Though Wanda’s close with Natasha, they’ve never had a touchy relationship, which makes the arm she lays along Wanda’s shoulder a bit awkward yet still amicable in its unexpectedness, “Good. I know it’s not the lap of luxury you were supposed to have...” 

It’s not, but it is surprisingly close to what they actually wanted. “This is perfect.” 

As if the gesture wasn’t already wonderful, Nat adds another detail to the day, “Rocket even got Helen and the Bartons in on a video feed to watch.” 

“Thank you,” Vision’s voice still trembles with shock, “for all of this.” 

“Seriously, our pleasure,” the shake Sam gives to Vision’s shoulder causes Wanda to sway as well, “let’s get you up front.” 

Vision hesitates at the suggestion, turning back towards Wanda with a furrowed brow, “Should I change?” 

“I think you look fantastic like this,” Wanda fidgets with the edge of his cape as she talks, “plus I’m not changing, so I’d rather you not make me feel underdressed.” 

“Then I will remain like this.” He glances towards the canopy, where only Thor now stands, sending them a friendly wave, and Vision’s lips twitch up when he faces here once more, raising her hand and placing a reverential kiss to her skin, “I will see you shortly.” 

“Bye.” Wanda’s fingers flex at the loss of his touch. The graceful flow of her groom’s gait as he takes his place sends a tingle shooting up her spine while butterflies seem to flutter in her stomach. The sight of the two men speaking quietly with each other, their capes billowing against the rocky backdrop, stirs her heart, a warmth budding in her chest and hitching a ride through her veins until her entire body is aglow. 

“I am Groot.” 

Wanda looks down at the tree, a broad smile forming at the bouquet he offers her. “It’s gorgeous, thank you.” 

“I am Groot.” 

“Thor claimed you all know what to do for the ceremony.” The statement ends in an uptick, Natasha’s own, smaller bouquet tilting to the side as she looks at Wanda for confirmation. 

“As long as he didn’t change anything, then yeah.” 

“Good. I convinced Tony not to walk you down the aisle.” 

This is why Nat was the easy choice for her sole bridal party member. “Thank you.” 

Natasha shrugs, never one to want compliments for doing her job. “Groot volunteered to be the flower…tree, I guess, so he’s going to lead the way, I’ll follow, and then Quill is going to play the only song he owns that seemed mildly appropriate, that’s when you go. Any questions?” 

They have the chuppah, the rings, both she and Vision are conscious and relatively unharmed. It seems all of the most important components are here. Then a chill runs up her spine and her lungs spasm at the thought of forgetting one other vital piece of the ceremony. “Did you grab the frame?” When they began planning in earnest, Vision bought a new, much sturdier frame for the only remaining photos she had of her parents and Pietro, the intent being to place it on a small table next to them so she’d have all of her family with her. 

“It’s on the ammunition case right next to where you’ll be,” Natasha’s bouquet directs her to the case and the silver frame. 

Even if it infringes on the status quo of their friendship, Wanda throws her arms around Nat, “Thank you so much.” 

The hug is reciprocated for a couple seconds and then it ends, Nat pulling back with a half-cocked smile, her eyes a little wet but she acts as if that’s not happening, instead brushing a stray piece of Wanda’s hair away from her forehead. “You sure you two don’t need a few minutes to get ready?” 

“No, we’re good.” 

Natasha let’s go of her with a serious nod that is given levity by the brightness of her, “Then let’s get you married.” 

It feels like a dream, all of it, which makes Wanda’s agreement wistful and a bit uncertain.  “Okay, let’s go.” 

The dreamlike feeling remains even as she watches Groot dance down the aisle, one hand dropping the same small flowers of her bouquet to the rust colored soil and the other releasing flecks of light into the air that remind her of lying in the forest during the summer, marveling with Vision at the way the fireflies blink in and out of existence. When Natasha leaves her, reality starts to set in a little bit, her heart racing and fingers closing tighter around the stalks of her bouquet, and she doesn’t really understand how something so wonderful can make her feel so off-kilter. The song changes and somehow her feet know what to do, moving independently of her mind, a fortunate thing because she’s only vaguely aware of the faces on either side of her, far more enthralled by the tiny, stunning smile gracing Vision’s lips, one that grows with each step she takes until he beams down at her, the love radiating from his mind brighter than any star she’s ever seen. It’s when he takes her hand, right around the first chorus of I fooled around and fell in love, and leads her under the cloth, the moonlight cascading through the fabric, creating a stunning pattern on his vibranium, that it fully hits her: she's getting married. 

“Are you ready?” 

Wanda grins up at her very-soon-to-be-husband, “I am.” 

Wordlessly they move into place for the first part of the ceremony, a tradition Vision insisted remain as they decided what parts from her heritage to keep and which to amend. Not that she wanted to forego this part of the ceremony, but she halfheartedly pretended to just because she enjoyed watching how enthusiastically he outlined the reasons to include it. Wanda lets go of Vision’s hand and steps in front of him. In time with the music, she walks a tight circle around him, making sure to brush his arm on each of her three passes, reaffirming her commitment to be close to him and to protect him. The slight nudge she gives to his shoulder on the last circle is just to keep him on his toes. Once she’s done they switch places, his three revolutions are more elliptical but just as tactile, the tips of his fingers in constant contact with her body while he moves around her, and she accepts his promise to remain with her through all cycles of her life. It’s the seventh and final circle when she finally stares into his eyes, focusing on the jubilant whirl of the gears and the sheepish tilt of his mouth, their bodies facing each other, barely an inch between them, as they take synchronized steps to transition from two separate paths into one joint orbit. 

Thor takes over once they resume their original positions, side by side, a thoroughly thrilled grin on his face and his hands gesturing wide as he speaks. “Welcome my dear friends. Is it not fitting that on this day we are gathered on a field of recent bloodshed,” Vision glances at her, the lift of his eyebrows matching her own amusement at the change in script, “to celebrate this momentous and singular union of two of the universe’s most powerful and otherworldly warriors?” 

The words are allowed to settle before Thor gives a hearty laugh, clapping his hand to her shoulder, leaning forward as if he is telling her a private joke despite the fact his voice is still loud enough for everyone to hear. “It is humorous to me, the evolution of this relationship. Wanda if not for your villainous invasion of my mind,” something she had not considered necessary to bring up at her wedding, “I never would have investigated the existence and capabilities of the Mindstone, and your groom here,” Thor’s other hand lands on Vision’s arm with a loud slap, one that, if it were anyone other than a vibranium-laced synthezoid, would send a body reeling, “would not have come into being. It is truly poetic how deeply entwined your lives were at the onset and how this has been cultivated into a love so true,” he shakes their shoulders to emphasize the words, “and so profound that it will no doubt be sung in the great halls of Midgard for centuries to come. My dear friends,” his large hands leave their shoulders, but not before shoving them closer together with a wink, “it is my honor to be here today to herald in your union. You have prepared vows, yes?” 

The expectant stares around them are stifling, Wanda a person who has never had a strong desire to be the center of attention. “Um yes.” 

“Then please, face each other and speak your unbridled passion.” 

Before either of them move, Natasha stealthily takes her bouquet, leaving Wanda’s hand free and unsure what to do, their actual rehearsal was supposed to be last night and though she knows roughly what happens now, she finds herself a bit lost on who is supposed to do what. Vision reaches out for her floundering hand, encouraging her to swivel to the appropriate position. Reliefs rushes through her at the slightly flummoxed wrinkles of Vision’s forehead, and she finds that when she looks at him, the rest of the people fade away and the only discomfort left, as she counts the ten clicks of his irises, is the antsy tap of her heels as she waits to finally kiss her husband. “Vizh,” the gentleness of his fingers cinching around her hands always flips her stomach and does funny things to her heart, “if it’s okay, I might just do the abridged version, since, well…” 

“Of course,” that little reserved smile on his face, for years, has created sunbursts under her cheeks. It still does. 

“Okay.” Wanda stares at him, studying the textured lines of his face (even though she has them memorized), and then glances down at the contrast of his skin against hers, unable and unwilling to dam up the giddiness spreading throughout her body at holding his hands like this for the rest of her life. A half step back is just enough to take in the way the floating, golden orbs reflect off the vibranium and give his eyes the slightest of shimmers, Wanda committing this moment to memory as the last time she looked at him as her fiancé. “Vision,” she’d meant to recount only bits of her planned vows, yet new words seem to sprout as she takes him in, “you are my best friend, the love of my life, and my planet. I am so lucky that in this weird,” her gaze briefly slides to the faces in the frame, Vision following her gaze and holding her hands a little tighter, “unforgiving world, I managed to find a soul like yours. You make the universe more beautiful and give me hope when I don’t think any exists. I love you so much.” 

Thor wipes a tear away, infringing on their moment with a, “Truly resplendent. And now Vision.” 

A small cough precedes Vision’s barely audible, “You did not inform me these would be improvised.” 

Wanda shrugs, equally quiet with her, “Sorry.”

“I will forgive you.” He winks at her and it sets off a flurry in her chest. “Wanda,” the team took bets on who would cry first in the ceremony, everyone but her betting against Vision, which makes the tear running down his cheek all the sweeter as his voice seems to run away. A gentle squeeze of his hands seems to help him recover. “Wanda,” no amount of pride or money can match the way his voice washes over her, sincerity and love stitched into every word, “as was recently mentioned, my path into this life was a little unusual,” silently she mouths just a bit and is rewarded with the breathy, nigh inaudible snort he does whenever he’s simultaneously amused and embarrassed, “what I am about to say is antithetical to scientific theorem, but there are days I find myself considering kismet because I am unable to accept we found each other by random chance. You were the first person I ever felt in my mind, the first face I ever saw, and the first and only person I ever intend to love.” He pauses, feet shuffling a few times and his voice drops so that the only way she can hear him is to touch his mind. “All the other things I said earlier tonight also apply.” 

“I figured.” 

 “Wanda,” Thor’s voice and countenance maintain the Shakespearean gravitas needed for such a moment, guiding them back to the established ceremonial path. "Do you take Vision,” her eyes remain on the perennial joy of Vision’s face, “to be your husband, to cherish and protect him, to remain by his side in both moments of triumph and adversity, to live a life hallowed by your never-ending love and faithfulness?” 

Vision’s face grows blurry as her eyes fill with tears, but she refuses to let go of his hands in order to wipe them away. “I do.” 

“Excellent. Now Vision, do you take Wanda..."

The words exist only as a crackle in the back of her mind as she watches every tic of Vision’s face – the way his pupils dilate with a subtle click, the darting tip of his tongue that wets his lips whenever he is nervous, the twitching of his cheeks as he attempts to maintain some semblance of control over his emotions, and the scrunch of his nose that lets her know he’s aware she’s staring at him. Suddenly all the tell-tale signs go away and are replaced by a striking confidence and then his lips move and she hears the words a half second after she feels them in her mind, “I do.” 

“Wonderful, and now the rings. Samuel, Natasha.” Their wedding party step up, each handing a ring to Thor. “Wanda, please take the ring."

Wanda turns towards Thor and picks up Vision’s vibranium ring (their rings a very kind wedding gift from T'Challa). The ceremony dictates the officiant say the vow first, but Wanda knows it by heart, having said it dozens of times in her daydreams, so she forges on without any help. “With this ring,” she brings Vision’s hand up and begins to slide the ring along his finger, “you are now a part of me, for I love you as my soul.” His ring finishes its journey a lot smoother than any of their practice runs, something she thinks could be related to a minimal manipulation of his molecules, but she’ll lecture him on that later, far too excited to proclaim to everyone around them, “You are now my husband.” 

"Now Vision, please repeat after me." The reprimand is in good fun, but Vision still straightens up at the command, refusing to ditch tradition as enthusiastically as she does.  

It’s almost impossible not to bounce on the balls of her feet as Vision slides his left hand under hers, lifting it into position where it lines up with the simple vibranium band gripped between his thumb and index finger. Thor’s voice is drowned out by the rapid beating of her heart, so strong it vibrates her entire body, but not loud enough to stifle Vision’s own words, “With this ring,” the metal is cool on her skin as he inches it to her first knuckle, “you are now a part of me, for I love you as my soul,” they’d practiced this, with some of her other rings, a few days before they left, and just like all their practices, Vision gets the ring stuck on her second knuckle, lips pursing as she wiggles her finger in encouragement. One more push and it clinks against her engagement ring, his thumb glancing over the band. There’s an adoring smile on his face as he declares, “You are now my wife.” 

What is supposed to come next is the formal announcement, followed by a breaking of a glass, and then, finally, their kiss. Wanda, however, feels like they didn’t think through the order very well, so she eschews the plan and draws Vision to her, finally able to kiss her husband. Somewhere in the distance she can hear Thor laughing and cheers from their teammates but they are muted by the feel of Vision’s arm snaking around her waist to draw her against his chest, his head tilting ever so slightly to the right to deepen the kiss, and then, just to make sure he keeps his promise of one hell of a kiss, Vision dips her low to another round of cheers.  “I love you,” his lips brush hers as he speaks, “my wife.” 

“I love you too…hubby,” the way he chuckles enlivens her soul, sparks sputtering under her skin at his delight.  Vision pulls her back up firmly onto her feet, his hands cupping her face for one more exuberant kiss. 

“Friends,” Thor steps closer to them, “we only have two more actions and then you may relish the bliss of your nuptial oath.” Reluctantly Wanda steps back from Vision, their hands finding each other once more, only this time there’s a new sensation on his finger, a piece of metal she’s never felt, that’s new and right and perfect. “It is with great honor and joy that I,” Thor nudges them to turn towards their teammates who are standing, varying degrees of happiness on their faces, even most of the Guardians seeming to have been swept up in the moment, “present to you Wanda and Vision Maximoff.” 

Swiftly Sam lays down a glass and covers it with a towel, flashing them a thumbs up as he steps away. “Well, Maximoff,” she’s waited so long to use that name for him, and the wait was worth it, his face breaking out into a brilliant, moony radiance, “on three?” 

“On three.” 

“One, two, three,” Wanda grips his hand tighter as their feet come down on the glass, shattering it into pieces with the hope that their happiness in the years going forward will be more plentiful than what lies beneath the towel and that their love is just as irrevocable. 

Tony shouts a, “Mazol Tov!” and everyone leaves their seats.

   It is much later, after copious amounts of not-mission-approved alcohol is imbibed and most of the team has sat down, their arms sore from the unexpected competition that occurred to see who could hoist Wanda and Vision's chairs up the highest, and their feet tired of dancing to the same rotation of songs, that Wanda is able to have Vision to herself. They sway beneath the starry sky, arms snug around each other and foreheads resting together, cherishing this moment of bliss since the morning will return them to the mission. Wanda draws her husband into another kiss, melting into the devotion of his lips and the way he gently grabs her waist, content knowing that no matter what life offers, it will all be made so much brighter with him by her side, just two celestial bodies careening through this unpredictable universe together.   

[atopearth]

Shall we Date? Lost Alice Part 15 - Dino Bardi Route

Honestly, I’ve liked Dino’s appearance ever since I first saw him and his personality seems rough but kind as well so I’m looking forward to it, but the other two routes in this arc have been rather disappointing so I don’t really want to have my hopes up lol… Sad face. But lol, as usual, Frederick kidnapping her here, heroine waking up and running away, but then encounters thugs that want to sell her to Dino as Aldo’s woman to get some money. Too bad Dino is not that kind of person, so he appears and beats them up instead lol. Now that Dino knows that she’s from aboveground, I wonder what he wants to do? Lmao at his subordinates being so touched that Dino brought a girlfriend back to their base, they’re so cute🤣🤣

The heroine understanding and acknowledging how hard Dino has been trying all this time to find a way to go aboveground was kind of her. It’s also really nice of her to understand that she’s intruding into his house and so she wants to do things herself to not make so much trouble for him. Too bad when she was carrying the bucket of water up the stairs to mop the floor, the sudden tremor made her lose balance and Dino caught her but then they both got soaked by the overturned bucket of water hahaha. Lmao when Dino just proceeds to strip in front of her since his clothes are wet🤣 Lmao at the heroine being so happy at succeeding in using magic to change into her pajamas, which are quite revealing, Dino’s reaction though, “aren’t you cold?"🤣🤣 Nice to see that they added the shawl to the sprite! She certainly doesn’t look as cold anymore hahaha.

Yes, very ungentlemanly to go into her room without permission and waking her up but lolol at him teasing her saying her sleeping face was goofy🤣 I feel like he’s warming up to her already hahaha. Dino’s guys are so funny. It’s the first time ever a girl has been here so they dressed up for her🤣 I love how she made them sandwiches and when she asked Dino how they were, he didn’t answer and she could understand him well enough to know that that means he likes them hahaha. It’s like a one way conversation but she knows his answers🤣 So far, I’m really liking their relationship, I think the heroine’s perspective as someone from the real world really helps to give Dino and his group comfort in the fact that what they hope to achieve isn’t silly and is actually something worth dreaming about and working towards (since everyone else laughs at them for wanting to go aboveground).

As the person who suggested that they go aboveground as kids, it can’t be helped that Aldo feels so guilty that he was the one that forced his father to take the blame for him and be erased by the Spinner of Tales for breaking the rules. But I agree with Dino, what should be blamed isn’t Aldo but instead the Spinner of Tales and his ridiculous rules. But omggg, when they went to the cave to check out the tremor and the strange magic leaking or whatever and the heroine wanted to come along, so Dino was like you better not leave my side and everyone was so ngaww and awkward because it was like a declaration of love lmao. So cuteeee. I really like that Dino looks to the heroine as an equal, so when they faced off against Cerberus (gatekeeper to stop them from going aboveground), he told her to use magic and help them out. I also liked that since the heroine learnt magic not long ago, it was obvious that she wouldn’t be able to do much against Cerberus, but she could help protect Dino and Aldo from stray rocks and other things that might distract or hurt them due to the ceiling of the cave cracking etc. She supported them well without it being unrealistic and I really liked that. Frederick came to save the day and helped them eventually push Cerberus back underground into his crack so he can stop wreaking havoc so that’s good, if you can’t destroy it, sealing it is good enough haha.

Seeing Dino and Aldo reconcile was so wonderful, I’m glad they finally communicated their feelings properly. It was so cute when Dino finally achieved his dream of going aboveground and seeing the sky and he starts thinking about how he can organise bringing people here, whether it’s safe etc before showing any happiness at seeing all this, I really like that about him, he’s so serious, hardworking and always thinking about others. Lmao at Dino offering to make tea at Alice’s house but not knowing how to make it🤣 I guess it’s kinda funny how different Luke and Dino are considering how the former is so gentle and careful and the latter is so rough and straightforward, but the funnier thing is that I love them both  so much hahaha. It’s nice that the heroine can calm Dino down and make him think logically when he’s a bit more emotional, since it’s true that they shouldn’t rush things here in Wonderland considering how long it took for them to get here, so they shouldn’t screw things up!

Lmao when Dino was so happy that Luke had to go hold his daily tea party (since his role is the Hatter) so he couldn’t guide Dino and the heroine to Owen (who has found out that Dino is aboveground already because a chess soldier saw them). I was gonna say, he’s getting minus points for being mean to Luke, but when he became serious and showed that he understood that whether it be the people underground or aboveground, they are all bound by the Spinner of Tales’ rules and no one can go against them, I liked him again LOL. It was so cool seeing Dino hold his ground against Owen and boldly declare that what he wants isn’t simply something like the underground citizens being able to come aboveground, instead, he’s looking much further than that and wants a future where everyone is free and not bound so strictly to these rules that are forcing everyone to suffer and be seen as the "bad guys” for breaking these rules. The heroine is right, just as all our characters are bound by these rules, the Spinner of Tales is also no less free than them, he is also restricting himself into telling the tale in a certain way with no regards to anyone’s feelings or respecting the freedom and mystery of a tale where we know nothing of the future. Stories and characters should be free.

I like how when they were free falling and the heroine was a bit scared, Dino reminded her of her own words before they left to see Owen, which was that as long as they’re together, things will be fine and I feel like I can really feel that in this route. As long as they’re together, they can brave through anything and achieve their goals together. They finally expressed their feelings for each other but then it ended! There really wasn’t much (close) romance at all! Which is pretty saddening, I really wanted to see them be even cuter as a couple.

Overall, I loved everything about this story besides the ending. I honestly didn’t have much hope because I didn’t like this story arc, but Dino’s route really goes to show that even if the story isn’t that good, the guy and his attitude is key to winning my heart. Dino was a great, forward thinking and honest guy that is hard to not love. He thinks outside the box and although doesn’t know how to handle girls, it’s because of that, that you can see how genuine he is. He’s really a guy that will fulfill his dreams no matter, very ambitious but kind. Right now, I think Luke, Owen and Dino are the best guys in this game😊

[toniwilder]

Narrative Family Therapy in Thor

The following is an essay written regarding the application of family therapy techniques in a fictional setting:

In Marvel Studio’s 2011 film, Thor, the fantasy and super hero aspects of the film surround worth. While we hear the mantra, “Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor,” regarding the physical action of the film (respectively in relation to Thor’s legendary weapon Mjolnir), we also hear testaments from both our protagonist, Thor, and his brother-antagonist, Loki, of expressing a desire to be worthy in different, more abstract ways. The film follows their journeys to become worthy as heirs to their fathers’ throne, but, more importantly, worthy as sons.

The film splits equal time between Thor and Loki’s origins, along with their relationship with their father. On the day of Thor’s coronation, the enemies of his kingdom of Asgard break into a highly secure weapons vault. Later, it is revealed that Loki allowed the spies to enter the vault as a cunning and underhanded way to express to his father that Thor is not ready to rule the kingdom in his father Odin’s stead. Just as Loki expected, Thor’s temper gets the best of him. As a warrior, Thor has been taught and congratulated for being violent and brash. Odin chastises Thor for trying to instigate a war onto the rival kingdom, Jotunheim, and postpones the coronation temporarily.

The flame of Thor’s temper is further fanned when Thor decides to take his comrades of warriors to Jotunheim to threaten the rival king. Loki humors him lightly and expects Thor to get caught once again making brash plans, but not to actually conduct any true damage. Loki’s schemes to frame his brother in a poor light, though, are knocked aside when they arrive at Jotunheim before Odin can stop them. Thor attacks the kingdom and kills citizens in the false name of nationalism. The most important thing to gain from this fight, aside from Thor’s temper, is that, during the battle, Loki is grabbed by a Jotun frost giant. The Jotuns are a race of monsters to the Asgardians and a touch from one should have given Loki immediate frost bite. However, Loki’s skin turns Jotun frost giant blue instead. Loki, it turns out, is not Thor’s brother after all. He not only adopted, he is a Jotun.

There are various moments throughout the film that build up a clear picture of the negative implications associated with being a Jotun. To name only one example: The very opening prologue of the film is Odin telling young Thor and Loki a story of the Jotun. The first words spoken in the film are, “From the cold and darkness came the Frost Giants.” Odin describes Asgard as a “beacon of hope” in comparison to the monsters that they protected every realm from. A young Thor, maybe nine years old, exclaims, “When I'm king, I'll hunt the monsters down and slay them all! Just as you did, father.”

Just by this prologue, we understand many instrumental aspects of the Asgardian culture. Jotun frost giants are not only less than Asgardians—they are feared, hated, and inhuman. They’re referred to as monsters more-so than their true designation. It’s deep-rooted racism that Odin implanted into both of his sons, and, even though he tells both Thor and Loki that they are both meant to be kings, he gets teary-eyed when faced with the pride he feels for Thor at his coronation and he constantly accents that Thor is first-born, along with being worthy. Now, taking this into consideration and layering Thor’s blatant inexperience as a ruler with the insistence that he must rule on top of Loki’s discovery that he is a monster, it is no wonder that Loki takes to his heritage in an extremely volatile and dangerous way.

Thor, Loki, and Thor’s friends are dragged back to Asgard by Odin before any more peace treaties can be ruined. Thor is then stripped of his power and title and banished to Earth with the task of becoming worthy so he can reclaim what Odin has taken from him. Odin does not explain what dictates worth, only that Thor is “unworthy of these realms [sic] unworthy of [his] title” and “unworthy of the loved ones [he has] betrayed.” It is with this cryptic and vague mission that he sends Thor to an unfamiliar world and turns him into a human. It’s also important to note that an human lifespan in relation to an Asgardian lifespan is minute and humans are incredibly weak in comparison. Odin could very well have sent Thor to his death in his show of temper that is comparable only to Thor’s temper while attacking the Jotun giants.

Odin’s inarticulate parenting only gets more volatile when Loki confronts him about his heritage. Loki’s first thought is that he might be cursed, because the thought of Odin housing a frost giant from infancy is so foreign to him. Loki goes on to describe himself in a multitude of self-deprecating ways (“I am the monster parents tell their children about at night.”) and Odin admits that he took Loki from a Jotun battle for future political leverage. When confronted with Odin using him, Loki lashes out and asks why Odin never told him. As a final nail in Loki’s identity coffin, Odin claims he wanted to “protect” Loki from the truth. It’s one of the last things Odin says before entering a coma, and solidifies the racism throughout the entire first portion of the film that being Jotun is something to be ashamed of and an identity that makes Loki unworthy of holding the throne of Asgard.

Ironically, Odin’s coma and Thor’s banishment now allow Loki to reign over the kingdom in their absence. It is in place of power that Loki schemes so that he can kill his birth father (which he succeeds in doing) and the rest of the Jotun race while keeping Thor banished. His hopes are resolutely defined in the final battle between Thor and Loki when Loki explains that his actions of genocide against the “race of monsters” will show Odin that he is the worthy son and true heir to the throne.

Thor’s worth is found when he protects his friends from Loki’s wrath and it is then that Thor is able to truly fight his adopted brother. Odin arrives at the end of the fight and saves the brothers from toppling over a cliff-face. It is in Loki’s final moments that he is rejected by his father for his attempt to make him proud. When Odin says Loki has not made him proud, Loki jumps over the side to kill himself.

Odin’s obsession with worth and his inability to explain to his sons the reasoning behind ruling, diplomacy, and what actually dictates that worth are what set this film in motion. It seems natural then that the therapeutic technique used for this family, minus the mother who is mostly absent from the main conflict, would be narrative therapy. So many of the problems within the family do surround worth, but semantically it’s no different if the word worth was replaced with the word character. By constantly undermining the character of Thor and Loki, Odin places the weight of every mistake they make onto them as people. It’s not temper that controls Thor, it’s Thor’s temper that ruined the entirety of the political atmosphere. It’s not heritage that Loki discovers, it’s that Loki discovers he, personally, is a manifestation of a monster that exists within the scope of that heritage. The two sons are unable to separate what aspects make up who they are from their actual, whole identity. It’s because of this that narrative therapy is the best fit for the conflicts shown in the film.

The first step in using narrative therapy with the family would be to start externalizing the problems. Already, the relationships among and surrounding this unit of three is extremely based in scape-goat tactics. Odin actually explaining himself would go a long way to giving both sons enough information to actually make decisions that are not based in unsure hopes of making their father proud. Loki explaining his lack of self-worth paired with Thor not understanding why Loki suddenly snaps, thus alleviating the blame that Loki places on Thor (since Loki believes that Thor knows Loki is unwell and does not care) would also help in clearing up a large amount of the misconceptions within the family dynamic. With all three perspectives now articulated, a motion can be made to interlink the three stories into the most objective story possible.

After removing blame and guilt from the equation, the situation can be assessed in an unbiased way while maintaining a path to achieve all the assumed goals. Odin can gain “worthy” sons by allowing Thor and Loki the autonomy to not be owned by their emotions and impulsivities. Thor and Loki also gain by achieving that autonomy and independence away from what their father deems as “worthy”. This technique allows Thor and Loki the freedom to exist as themselves, which is especially important given Loki’s new, learned origin.

Now that there is distance between identity and the problems within the family unit, the externalization can be viewed in various social, cultural, and political ways. The three can explore why Loki varies so much from the more violent Asgardian culture and what that means for him as a functioning individual within the unit. It’s important to understand the demonization and black and white thinking that Odin has imprinted onto his sons, especially in relation to other races. (Odin uses Earth as a punishment, and talks down to everyone who does not adhere to the strict societal expectations of the Asgardian culture.) This will call into account the racism associated with the Jotun and how Loki may or may not differ from these ideas that Odin has upheld. It requires a re-examination of past, less-problematic moments. By having the three look into the more positive aspects of Loki’s character, they can readdress the racism and temper relating to the Jotun held by all three, but especially by Thor. The negativity has now been changed into more meaningful and accepting ways (a drastic contrast to the constant affirmation seeking that code the relationships until this point).

From here, Odin, Thor, and Loki can explore futures utilizing more positive aspects of what they previously considered negative. Maybe Odin’s idea of using Loki to create a bridge between Asgard and Jotun is explored in a more culturally sensitive way and, instead of using Loki as leverage, it’s frame as being a learning experience that shows the race as being multi-faceted, thus allowing Loki to be multi-faceted as well. Loki no longer becomes Odin’s pawn, and the contentment in his role can connect to his ability to rule in Odin’s place should he ever need to. His worth is no longer connected to being on the throne, but to the skills that would make him a prospective ruler. Thor’s temper and warrior tendencies can also be examined in this same way as, instead of being volatile, as being a passionate jumpstarting position for Thor as a political figure. By turning his anger into passion and placing him in a position that truly focuses on doing what would be best for Asgard as a kingdom, Thor can also develop his skills as a ruler.

With future orientation in mind, it would be the hope that establishing connection through narrative therapy for the three would allow Loki the comfort to stay with his family instead of attempting to take his own life at the end of the film and that Asgard could be ruled without grand assumptions on the character of its throne’s heirs.

FOR MORE ON NARRATIVE THEORY, SEE THE POST A Look Into Narrative Theory

[sol1loqu1st]

hi i want to talk abt foi bc its legit among the coolest things ive done; this is long as Fuck but the book is longer i just really wanna talk,, abt this,,

it’s a high fantasy set on the northernmost side of a huge desert (a sea borders its northern side; beyond the sea is a country filled with plains and forests)

there were seven tribes (i still need to look up definitions and see if thats the most accurate term for what im goin for; im thinking abt just using ‘city’ tbh but yknow) in the desert:

-the riches tribe, whose people could shape gemstones and metals (think metalbending but add precious stones in the mix; each person can only control one thing and ur power is usually decided by the stars or some shit)

-the elements tribe, who could control the forces of wind, fire, water, or stone (now LITERALLY think atla; powers are passed down genetically and a few people can control two elements if their parents controlled different ones)

-the land, sky, and sea tribes, who could control animals related to their tribe (land tribe ppl can also learn to turn into their favored animal, sky tribe ppl grow wings as toddlers, sea tribe ppl can breathe underwater & usually live in the sea on the northern border of the desert bc they dont do well on land; powers are decided based on the animals’ preferences – e.g. if ravens had a specific affinity for a kid in the sky tribe the kid would grow raven wings and be able to communicate with and eventually control ravens)

-the time and space tribes, who destroyed each other 60 years ago, and have the power to speed, slow, or even stop time during the hour of their birth, or manifest physical objects from glowing blue energy that makes up everything in the world (also can see in the dark, i guess?)

60 years ago, a huge war happened between the seven tribes, wiping out the space tribe completely (except for one person; more on that later) and destroying all but 200 of the time tribe, who repopulated to about 1,000, and ruining a Lot of stuff in the other five tribes. for the most part the remaining 5 tribes (minus the time tribe for Reasons) have rebuilt themselves but hints of the past war linger. no one is aware that the time tribe survived (they rebuilt their city FAR from the original location). the time and space tribes faded from public consciousness pretty quickly since all their historical records were destroyed; most of the knowledge about them now is legends and myths

in the present day, 5 children (one from each of the remaining tribes) who lost various loved ones to the same glowing blue knives (created, ofc, by the surviving member of the space tribe, ebon (…courtesy of 2012 me’s genius naming skills, they’re all gonna be like this it’s part of the aesthetic), though the kids dont know that or even recognize it as a space tribe power) are approached by an old man (guess who! its ebon) who claims to be the last surviving member of the space tribe and apparently has evidence that the time tribe is plotting revenge and theyre the ones that killed the kids’ families and he speaks of a supposed prophecy that 5 kids who the time tribe had stolen from are gonna defeat the time tribe once and for all

the kids (and at this point, hopefully the reader too) are the wrong kind of genre savvy, and believe they’ve been approached by gandalf or some shit, and each end up Accepting The Call

(meanwhile back at the time tribe, the king and his rebellious teenage son talk about the future of the time tribe. teenage son, midnight (heyy GUESS what hour hes able to use his powers) learns to use Time Powers that are suspiciously dissimilar to the ones ebon was talking abt the ppl from the time tribe being able to use. midnight uses his powers to get more sleep bc his dad kinda overworks the shit out of him bc like the future of this horrifically unstable and tiny city is in midnight’s hands, basically, and we learn that Its Dangerous bc if u get stuck slowing down/speeding up time after ur 1 hour is up u basically become Time Tobias and ur trapped like that Until You Die)

if uve made it this far i think its time for a proper introduction to the 6 protags of part 1 (another is added in part 2 but we’re not there yet)

-eagle, from the sky tribe, a Massive Fuckin Jock Who Loves To Sport. shes 14 and pretty athletic but tends to chicken out when shit gets tough and so never makes it to the Fly Sport Playoffs. shes a Massive Optimist at first but then she finds her parents dead (hint: it was ebon). she deals with this throughout the novel i hope im writing her well lmao because i wanted it to have a Legit Impact on her character and not just be angst. A N Y W A Y she instantly pegs ash and emerald as The Rich Kids (ash is legit a rich kid, emerald is just from the riches tribe where they traditionally sew gems and shit into their clothes) and judges em for it

-snake, from the land tribe, a 13yo, Lonely Autistic who loves reptiles. (ok i mean. this is high fantasy and im really not sure if autism is a diagnosis in high fantasy. ive done my absolute best to code her as autistic and she is in fact autistic i just dont say it in canon bc idk how to bring it up) ppl dont like her at first because she comes across as cold but actually shes like the most adorable fuckin dork youve ever seen shes great. she doesnt talk hardly at all unless shes Super Comfortable around the people shes with, which is a challenge for me to write but tbqh shes my absolute favorite of the bunch,, also her only friend ever was a thief named lore who was (supposedly) killed by GUESS FUCKEN WHO

-ash, the 14yo daughter of one of the 4 ruling families of the elements tribe. her family’s genetic power is fire but she could never figure it out (later she discovers her power is actually water; im…..still figuring out how that works genetically she might just be adopted lmao) ebon brought her the news of her parents’ deaths and managed to kill her little sister while her back was turned; somehow she does not suspect him. shes kind of a snob and doesnt really /get/ the rest of the group and comes across pretty rude at first. (also, she and eagle deal w their very recent grief very differently but idk her exact Grief Arc yet)

-emerald, who i think is? 12? 13? i cant remember but somewhere around there; shes from the riches tribe, was orphaned as a toddler and raised by supposedly extinct desert dragons (which are basically 12-20ft desert iguanas), which were all wiped out horribly by more of ebon’s shit space weapons. she lived with ash’s family for a while when they were years younger but eventually emerald got blamed for ash’s lack of control over fire and was forced to leave, she found the riches tribe and discovered that she could metalbend emeralds lmao. shes a storyteller and raises money for orphans now i guess

-shark, a scrappy homeless 10yo from the sea tribe who will steal anything shiny enough. he has pointy teeth and an eyepatch (which covers a golden sphere in place of his eye) and hes reckless as fuKC. he was too young to remember his parents but when questioned about it he remembers blue knives (GUESS WHO). hes pretty unaware that sharks are infact chaotic neutral sea predators who do not give a shit about him even if he can communicate with them and he starts the novel with a Pretty Serious Bite Injury™. he takes a lot of shit apart and puts it back together in horrifying ways. yknow sid from toy story? basically thats shark if sid lived underwater and was portrayed as a fundamentally good person

-midnight, the 16yo prince of the time tribe, a Rebellious Teen™ who doesnt want responsibility and has Horrible Insomnia. he thinks his dad is Evil And Controlling and probably listens to heavy metal behind his back (meanwhile his dad is actually pretty decent just busy as Fuck trying to keep the time tribe from accidentally inbreeding collapsing and trying to show midnight how to lead; hes overprotective but not evil). he broke a pattern of various people born at midnight/noon alternating every century and people think hes Destined For Greatness™ or some shit; he is having absolutely none of that will someone let this child sleep instead of waking him up in the middle of the night to practice magic

anyway yea thats p much all ive edited so far and tbqh i dont remember a whole lot of details but That Is My Book!

[queennicoleinboots]

Day 28 of Peter and Xara's Curse: Help! There are Vaginas Growing In My Armpits

Joebear and I were watching TV and saw an advertisement for Shit Busters.

Poop Ploop Poop Poop Poop

Poop Ploop Ploop Poop Poop

Poop Ploop Ploop Ploop Poop

If there's something strange in your toilet,

Who you gonna call? SHITBUSTERS!

If poop monsters fuck you,

And you don't like it

Who you gonna call? SHITBUSTERS!

If there's something stank and it looks fucked up,

Who you gonna call? SHITBUSTERS!

Please call 1-800-FUK-SHIT

"These commercials get more and more degenerate as time goes on," Joebear commented as he laughed.

Joebear's phone rang again. "Wild spam caller again... Let's see who it is this time!!! Hello?!" Joebear was holding the phone with his right paw.

The Pokemon battle theme song comes on.

"Hey. I'm looking for Kiefer Sutherland," the spam caller asked.

"Ughhhhh. There is no Kiefer Sutherland here," Joebear growled in the phone.

"Sorry, sir. Are you Dan Aykroyd?" the spam caller asked with a laugh.

Joebear sighed. "Can you put me on your 'Do Not Call' list?"

"Yessir," the spam caller said with a laugh.

"Thank you," Joebear said before he hung up the phone.

The Pokemon Battle theme music stopped.

Joebear and I made the Conehead sound in response to the spam phone call!

We then turned off the TV and tried to rest. We were tired from fishing, Pokemon battle theme songs, and everything else. Kissy had been farting in full force. Jasper called me to tell me that Murphee was also farting in full blast. We had a very fucked-up day.

We laid down and talked about conspiracy theories, Jesus Christ, and the New World Order before we slept.

At around 10 a.m., I woke up to extremely itchy armpits. As a natural reaction, I was scratching my armpits in my half-awake state. I noticed there were deep wet holes in my armpits. They actually felt good to touch.

I was curious about what was going on with my armpits, so I went to the restroom, took my morning piss, and then took a glance at my armpits and laughed.

What? There was a vagina in each of my hairy armpits. Yes, I think shaving is a waste of time. These vaginas had teeth in them. I was half-expecting them to start talking like the Venus Flytrap did in Little House of Horrors. They'd have more intelligent conversations with me than most people do around here.

In order to process my armpit vaginas, I went downstairs to get coffee. Coffee was the only drink that kept me sane. All I ever want to do whfen I first wake up is have a cup of coffee without worrying about anyone else's ridiculous bullshit.

Mr. Williamson, whom I have now termed Mr. Bright and Early, has been a royal pain in my ass for the last couple of weeks. He all of a sudden wants to do things bright and early even though he damn well knows that's the only time I can actually get some fucking sleep. I swear he is doing this to fuck with me and to fit in as many sermons as possible.

Southerners exist only for the sheer purpose of fucking with Northerners. Because the North won the Civil War, the South has decided to wage mental warfare on the North by denying education and making so much nonsense that the well-meaning, well-educated Northerner has no choice but to go insane over the sheer stupidity. Because the South tried to secede from the United States and failed miserably due to lack of intelligence, the Southerners blame Northerners for all their problems. If anyone is good at gaslighting, it's a damn non-yankee. Gaslighting is blaming the victim of the problem FOR THE PROBLEM.

The Southerners go out of their way to find the dumbest thing to say in any given situation; thereby, driving the Northerner completely insane. The Northerner never ceases to be amazed by the stupidity the Southerner display in any given situation. You'd think there would be a limit, but there never is. Just when you'd think it couldn't get dumber, it always does. Madness...

The Housekeeping Association is adding more and more ridiculous rules in our lives for the sheer purpose of fucking with mostly-law-abiding, well-meaning housekeepers of Georgia. They have now started chanting "Bright and Early! Bright and Early!" at the beginning and end of every meeting. The goddamn pterodactyls that followed me to Peter's house two days ago followed me to my Housekeeping Association meetings. I really am cursed.

By the way, I can't take my yearly evaluation test that's required to even work with, around, and/or for until two days from now because the testing facilities for the Housekeeping Association are full until then. I swear I'm not going to get a fucking thing done today, am I? I was supposed to do it today, but a bunch of pterodactyls took up the seats for test-taking.

Peter the Ape is surprisingly less annoying as an ape than he was as a human. He was the most obnoxious person on Earth when he was human. I much preferred the two-dimensional ape with an involuntary smile on his face to the three-dimensional OBNOXIOUS human being who can do whatever he pleases because he is Prince Asshole.

Godiva lately has adopted all of human Peter's qualities of obnoxiousness minus being fully argumentative. She is just passive aggressive and resentful toward me. She gets away with it because she is gorgeous enough to be a model. Maybe there's some tension she and I need to address in a different story.

Jasper has even had his own flare of being annoying sometimes. He liked to ask me the most annoying questions multiple times in a row. "Did you make coffee today?" Yes, I always do. "Are we going to have supper today?" YES, JASPER, WE WILL! I work for a fucking living. I don't always sit on my ass and eat bonbons. Jeez, Jasper. Get it together! "Does Murphee have dog food?" Have I ever starved your dog? No! Good God how fucking annoying! Arrereggffhhhhghhhh!!!!

It was truly one of those mornings where I wish I could just get away from everyone and everything. Even my vaginal armpits were gnawing at the bits as they dreaded contact with other humans.

I finished drinking my coffee, doing the dishes, and cooking Joebear's breakfast of a cheese omelet before I went upstairs to him.

"Here's your breakfast, Boo," I said as I handed him his plate.

"Thank you," he said as he took his plate and ate.

"Welcome, Boo," I said as I went to get ready for yet another stupid day at work.

He was listening to DarthSydePhineas streaming Crash Bandicoot while he ate.

When I was almost ready for work, I heard my vaginal armpits hissing.

"Quiet, dammit. I have to make money," I said to my vaginal armpits.

"What?" Joebear asked. "I didn't say anything."

"No, no," I said. "My armpits hissed." I then showed him the vaginal armpits.

Joebear raised his eyebrows as he saw the vaginal armpits. "Oh wow! That's fucked up." Joebear's boner emerged out of his fur before he growled out of excitement. He immediately dove for me and then put me on the bed. "I must fuck your armpits!!!!"

I lifted my arms and allowed Joebear's large dick to enter my right armpit. He was excited as he humped my right armpit back and forth. He growled like a bear with pride as he made dick love to my armpit. It felt like I was being invaded in my actual vagina. How about it? I'm a woman with three vaginas. The 5G network has radiated me several times over to the point where I have three vaginas, two in my armpits. I might have armpit cancer. I have no idea.

Joebear then removed his penis from my right vaginal armpit and transferred it to my left vaginal armpit.

"Ooooh. That's good, too. Oh yeah! I need action! Rrrrrrrumba!!!!!!" he screamed as his dick went in and out of my left vaginal armpit.

Again, that felt as good as it would if Joebear put his penis in my actual vagina. It seems my vaginal armpits were a blessing instead of a curse. Maybe I'll keep them after all.

[renlyisright]

Season 6 Episode 9: Winterflay

The ninth episode. Oh boy. What’s the track record? Ned Stark, the Blackwater, Red Wedding, the Wall, Shireen and the Great Games, so the hype is real. Especially as the episode title has “Battle” in it.

But the episode doesn’t begin in or near Winterfell, but in Meereen, where the bombardment has gone on for hours before Daenerys and Tyrion make plans for how to solve it.

Daenerys’ plan is to kill everybody and destroy their cities. Spoken like a true warlord who has had her patience worn thin, but thankfully they have different options.

...When Daenerys gets to Westeros I hope she still listens to Tyrion.

But the important thing here is that they have means to destroy the fleet, they have dragon-shaped nukes. The question is not if they will win against this force, it’s how to do it to get maximal victory. Taking their sweet time to plan it while the city is bombarded is a minus, though.

They get a parley. The masters are not kind enough to stop attacking while it is in progress. They call Daenerys “Beggar Queen”, like the people of Free Cities used to call her brother Beggar King when he and Daenerys moved from one place to another, fearing assassins.

But those times are over for her. She somehow calls Drogon to her and takes flight. It’s a dance with dragons. And wow those dragons are large now. It’s been, what, a couple of years? A dragon of Drogon’s size would have to eat a lot to grow at that phase if it wasn’t a magical creature. So, to make fan theories with little evidence, do the dragons use the magical field of the world to live? And that field was much lower until very recently, when all the magic stuff came back full force. Inbreeding and poor living conditions ended the dragons in Westeros, but there were only three left when Targaryens came to conquer it.

Viserion and Rhaegal blow open their cell, showing that if they really wanted to get out of there, nobody could have stopped them (which makes the masters’ words “the dragons under the pyramid will be slaughtered” incredibly wishful).

The dragons only burn one ship, the rest are quickly emptied of men when they jump out of them. It’s like wildfire on Blackwater but more focused. At that point the parlay is ended and a trial begins. Tyrion gives out Queen’s justice to the dealbreakers, which is death.

...I thought that rule one of negotiations is that you don’t harm the negotiators, as that sets a very bad precedent and ends with nobody wanting to speak with you. But this was never a proper negotiation, neither party wanted it to be.

Tyrion sentences the two most outspoken masters to death, after they try to shift to blame to the lowborn master. “He does not speak for us”, yes, because he doesn’t speak at all. Then he is sent to spread the word of Daenerys in the other cities.

The Sons of Harpy were on the gates, killing escaping civilians, when the Dothraki arrive. I pictured them riding to Meereen, swinging their arakhs, many times, but I never thought that they would be on Daenerys’ side.

Later Yara and Theon arrive with their fleet, and Yara and Daenerys get on like a house on fire (well, one house on fire and one on water). Yara knows which ropes to pull, so if Euron shows up with his fleet before Daenerys leaves Meereen he can expect to be removed from his throne very quickly. Daenerys even makes Yara to promise that if she becomes king she will stop the raids.

So, the Meereen side of the episode was very very positive. So positive that I’m wondering if there actually can be a happy ending after everything that happens, and the story is so grimdark only because it goes very (very, very) bad before things get better.

Well, many characters won’t get to see that happy ending if it ever occurs. Just ask Shireen. On Westeros Sansa and Jon’s forces have camped near where she was burnt, and Davos… Davos finds that out. He finds the toy he gave her amidst the ashes. So sad. Being Davos, he will confront Melisandre about that sooner rather than later, and I am very interested to hear what she has to say in her defence.

She is having a bit of a crisis of faith in any case. Is she backing the wrong horse again? Jon is doing exactly what Stannis did, attacking well-defended Winterfell with measly forces. What if the Lord of Light likes sending his Chosen Ones against it and watching them get swatted? When Jon asks her about that, her response is that he may do bad things as part of his plan, but he is the only god that’s real, so that’s that.

The night before the battle, Jon, Tormund and Davos make plans, and Jon says that he wanted to make Ramsay angry enough to make mistakes. As Sansa points out, that doesn’t work on him. He has a doctorate on that. And so when the battle lines are formed, Ramsay knows what he has to do.

“It always seems a bit abstract, doesn’t it? Other people dying”, said Tyrion. Changing it a bit, I’d also say that mooks and other unnamed characters dying always seems very abstract. Like, there’s a battle that goes devastatingly to one side, but if nobody important (that is, character with one or two scenes and a monologue) dies from that side, does it feel that devastating? When the Sons of Harpy kill many Unsullied, it is also the conflict where Barristan Selmy dies. When the Lannisters attack the Stark people in the Red Keep, Syrio Forel and Septa Mordane die.

Or, when the Starks attack the Bolton forces in Winterfell, and the battle goes very poorly for them before the cavalry arrives, there must be some casualties, because crying for an extra is hard.

Ramsay is kind enough to give us a casualty, as he plays with Rickon. He sends him to run for Jon while shooting arrows after him.

Pew-pew go the arrows, as Rickon runs, until one of them hits him in the heart, just before Jon can get to him.

Being so young, Rickon pulled the short stick of the Stark kids. Before watching this episode, I read the parts of A Game of Thrones where the White Walker and Children legends were first mentioned, to see how far we have come. When maester Luwin gave a history lesson and dragonclass daggers to Bran, Rickon, Osha and Hodor, all I could think of was that every one of those is now dead except for the Stark boys.

“I want four. I am four”, said Rickon. Maester Luwin made him count them out.

Losing Rickon makes Jon lose all sense of plans. He attacks alone, and Davos sends his army after him. The resulting scene of chaos is… beautiful, if you can say that. I enjoyed how clear this battle was, where everyone was and who was winning. Until they are surrounded and things turn really chaotic. Shakycam and poor focusing come out at full force, as they should, and only in these situations. If two people talking to each other has camera shaking all around, where can you go from that?

So many great shots, like the flight of arrows and Jon’s over a minute long tracking shot. What was the budget of this thing?

Tormund gets to fight young Umber one-to-one, but otherwise this is not a battle to sing songs about. But no battle is, and they get songs made of them anyway.

When things are at their most dire, the cavalry appears. As I guessed even if I didn’t want to, Sansa’s raven was addressed to Littlefinger. Now Sansa and Jon are in his debt. By the way, he appeared entirely too conveniently. If he had arrived an hour earlier, he could have joined the battle lines… at which point Ramsay would have retreated behind the walls. Now Littlefinger himself had minimal casualties, and he wouldn’t have grieved if Jon had died in the battle, he knew that Sansa was safe anyway.

Now that Boltons are gone from the world, the position of the most vile person around needs someone to fill it. Littlefinger seems to want that position, so he as well can have it. Walder Frey is much too fun a person to fill the hate-to-hate Joffrey/Ramsay role, and Ellaria hasn’t shown up for a while.

I have to admit, taking back Winterfell and all that meant much less to me than finally getting Ramsay Bolton out of the show.

So let’s talk about that. After the battle doesn’t go his way anymore, Ramsay escapes back to Winterfell. But things are too chaotic to set up defences before the giant Wun Wun breaks through the gate.

I have said chaotic many times in this post, hah. Chaos is a ladder, indeed. Wun Wun takes at least 10 boromirs worth of arrows, and dies.

Oooooh, I am the last of the giants, so learn well the words of my song. For when I am gone the singing will fade, and the silence shall last long and long.

I don’t know if he’s truly the last, the North is vast, but there’s the Other problem there.

Ramsay dares to ask for one-on-one combat, and Jon is irrational enough to give him that instead of having his men shoot him. But he manages to block Bolton’s arrows and gets to punch-him-into-pulp-distance, and then he does just that.

Later Sansa sets Ramsay’s own dogs on him. It’s super cruel, and I hope that she doesn’t do that again. This one time, fine, after all he has done. In Hardcore History Dan Carlin mentioned that modern sensibilities are that if you have to execute someone, the loss of life is enough of a punishment. Whereas before, that would have been too easy on them. The point is the suffering.

So if Ramsay had just got dozen arrows in him in the battle’s end, that would have been enough for me. Having Sansa go bolton on him… okay, I have no idea of the psychological effects of any of this, I should stop speaking.

Which I will, because now I get to see the finale! Let’s see if Lady Sansa of Winterfell gets all the Northern Houses to bow immediately. They need to plan for winter, and its inhabitants, now.

[brauncroftlanecreative]

Loss of a Friendship

Tales From the Toxic Side - Part I

Instead of starting this off like some epic tale of betrayal and grief, let me save the dramatic literary effect and cut to the chase...I lost one of the best and longest friendships I’ve ever had. I’ve spent the last 2 years sorting through that experience, trying to figure out if what I did was wrong, if what she did was even worse and simply trying to make sense out of what seemed like one of the most nonsensical things to happen in my life.

I started researching and reading articles that talked about this kind of loss hoping that it would help me sort through the rollercoaster ride of emotions I was feeling. They all had one common theme:  The Toxic Friend. The friend that was portrayed as the villain for a variety of reasons and as such, certainly deserving of the loss without so much as a glance in the rearview mirror as you sped away from that trainwreck of a person. They described the friend who grew up in a less than desirable family situation. The friend who seemed more free-spirited and reckless with no clear direction in life. The immature friend who held things in and couldn’t communicate effectively.  The friend who acted out perhaps by partying or drinking too much or having casual sex. The friend who couldn’t keep a boyfriend or didn’t follow the usual trend of finding a partner and settling down to live a ‘normal’ life. The goofy, aloof, damaged friend who you always felt pity for when they would tell you their tales of woe. The friend you wouldn’t bring around your other friends or family in certain situations because they wouldn’t quite fit.

After reading through enough of these articles, I started to realize I’m the toxic friend!  I’m the damaged, immature, reckless friend and according to all these life coaches and relationship gurus, my former friend should be thanking her lucky stars I’m no longer around. I was immediately stunned into anger.  Not because those things aren’t true about me but because there was this general assumption that we ‘toxic’ people are the absolute cause of all these failed friendships since we don’t live life by the playbook. Like there’s some sort of justification in walking away and/or staying away from us because we’re not the definition of perfection. Who the hell is?!

To say the least, it was infuriating. Yet I was inspired to give the toxic side a voice. We are worth friendship and love and patience and understanding and effort. Yes, I was born to a single mother. Yes, my real father was not in the picture and the man I adored as my father divorced my mother when I was 18 and then later died tragically of brain cancer. Yes, I partied too much and drank too much and made a lot of questionable decisions. Yes, I suck at communication because I hate confrontation and disapproval. Yes, I have had my fair share of issues with men and it wasn’t until I was in my mid-30′s that I found the one that was meant for me. I don’t know if we’ll get married or have children according to rules but if I had to do it all over again knowing I would find him in the end, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Yes, I’m clumsy and goofy and fly by the seat of my pants without much thought given to a plan or the long-term health of my future. But tell me why any of that is deserving of having a “best friend”, a “person”, a nearly 30 year confidante walk away?

I don’t think I’ll ever have the answer to that question because there isn’t one. No one deserves that.

I’m far from perfect but I am a good person. I adored my friend from minute one. Truthfully, I don’t even remember actually meeting her. We were in grade school together. There’s pictures of us in classes together during that time. Maybe we even rode the same bus, who knows.  But I remember idolizing her. She was almost magnetic. The tall, blonde beauty every girl wanted to be and, as we got to middle and high school, the girl every guy wanted to date. How lucky was I to be her friend? Very lucky I felt. To this day, I don’t know if I would have made it through high school without her. You see, on top of all my toxicity, I was also (and perhaps still am) very awkward. The gawky teenage redhead with glasses and braces. A real babe and Ms. Popularity, let me tell you. But with her around, I actually felt like I was kind of popular. I went to parties and hung out with the cool kids, we took over the less than stellar cheerleading squad and made it into something exciting, we had fake ID’s and snuck out to bars, went to the guys football and hockey games to cheer them on and above all, she treated me as her equal.

I was hooked and for more than 25 years, there was not a day or a week or a month (minus college) where we weren’t together. We even adopted an old Grey’s Anatomy homage to friendship: “My Person”.  The one you would call to help you drag a dead body from your house and bury it. She was My Person and I hers.  We shared so much together over those years, and to this day I don’t regret a single moment. But at some point, like so many friendships experience, there was a shift. A change. A different dynamic between us. We still spent time together but it wasn’t really the same. I began to feel like I couldn’t talk to her the way I once used to and I imagine she felt the same way. It was almost forced.

My version of the story is that she grew up and hers would probably be I didn’t.

She found the man she would eventually marry just after college. Ken and Barbie, no lie. I was not a fan of his and neither was she at first. They ended up breaking up for a short period of time but ultimately got back together. I don’t know...some head shrinkers would say I was jealous.  Jealous that my best friend in the whole world was now devoting a lot of time to her boyfriend. Time that likely would have been spent with me. I’m a big enough person to admit that could have certainly played a role, especially as they became more serious and moved towards marriage but it was more than that. Although she was still there for me and we still had plenty of fun, I began to feel like I wasn’t good enough. A lot of the same shrinkers will also say that’s on me - no one can establish your worth or make you feel like you’re not enough except for you and while I’m a big enough person to agree with that as well, once again it was more than that.  She actually treated me that way. The people she associated herself with began to change and it moved towards those with like-minded goals and lifestyles. She created a life that served her purpose. She was married so those around her had to be married. She wanted babies so those around her had to have babies or at least be in that same position in life. Those are the people that became her priority. I don’t blame her for this but in part, I felt like I was being left out or judged because I didn’t have these things. There would be couple’s dinners, dinner parties, play dates and bonfires with these friends and because I was either single, not in a long-term/well-established relationship and/or not a mother, I would not be included.

What was worse is that some of these people she now calls some of her best friends are people she didn’t even like back in the day! I just didn’t get it.

In those years, months, weeks and even days leading up to “the incident” that became the catalyst to our demise, it was very hard to process all of this. I didn’t see it. I felt it - I felt something was off but I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want to believe that she and I were destined for anything other than one of those true friendships that last a lifetime.

But there were other things. Hard to ignore things. She befriended an ex-boyfriend of mine and his new girlfriend not long after he and I had ended our relationship. This man broke my heart in an unexpected way but it was broken nonetheless and I came to find out that, over time, my ex friend and her husband became great friends with them. That couple is now married with a child and I 1000% believe that situation worked out exactly as it should but at the time, to realize my best friend befriended them (and now considers them some of her closest pals) was so hurtful.

We played in a weekly volleyball league. She actually got me into it and to this day it remains one of my most cherished memories. I think we made it last 7+ long years, week to week, members leaving, new members joining but it was an absolute blast. The last year or 2 though...again that subtle shift. She would plan for us to meet early but then she would be late so we didn’t have any opportunity to catch up on life before the game. Or she would plan these team parties after the game but at the last minute, bail. Specifically, one night she planned for all of us to hang out after one of our weekly games. Nothing particularly special about it, just a night for all of us to spend a little more time together. Turned out I was the only one who was able to stay that night but instead of sticking around and spending time with just me, she made some lame excuse about a diet she was on that didn’t allow her to have alcohol so she left. Um...a) she was already tall and perfectly fit (I mean, seriously perfectly fit) and b) there’s this thing called water. This was actually one of the final straws before I finally broke and let her have it.

Then there’s her family. She probably wanted to slap me for the amount of times I brought this up over the years but I always had this sense that they never liked me. They always felt I was the troublemaker. Funny part is, any kind of “trouble” we got into almost always started (or ended) with an idea of hers. I just covered up the end result and took the blame. The time in high school I drove 3-4 gals to the guys hockey game with Mike’s Hard Lemonade (or Zima or something to that effect) in my trunk. Guess how many of those drinks I had? One. At the very beginning of the game, hours before we even headed home. Guess how many they had? A lot. But for some reason when I got back to my house I felt sick. I threw up and every one of their moms heard about it and were so outraged that I had to go and personally apologize to each and every one of them for my behavior. Not once did she defend me and tell them it wasn’t like that.

And that’s just one example! I got 40 more where that comes from.

Times her parents would call me at 4am wondering where she was because she hadn’t come home yet. I knew where she was but I wasn’t about to blow my friend in. She made her own choices where (and with whom) she lay at the end of the night but because she was this perfect beauty from the perfect family, I lied for her. I protected her. I kept her secrets. From her family, from her friends, and even from her husband.

*Stay tuned for Part II coming soon!

[pricelessmomentblog]

Discovering the Meta

One of my favorite early lessons in entrepreneurship was the idea of working “on” your business instead of merely working “in” your business.

To see the distinction, imagine running a restaurant. Here, working “in” the business is clear. Make delicious food. Offer great service to your customers. Keep the place clean and inviting. Being able to cook and host is often a motivation for many to start a restaurant.

Running a restaurant is a lot more than cooking and waiting tables. It’s business strategy, marketing, cost accounting and pricing. Working “on” the restaurant means thinking one layer above to examine what processes the business itself consists of and how you can improve them.

Many restaurateurs fail because they can’t think at that higher abstract level. They intimately understand the food and service dimensions. But they struggle because they can’t see the processes and systems that result in high-quality food, new customers and steady profits.

There is a pattern of thinking here, though, that’s a lot more general than just about business success. This is the idea of a basic level of understanding and a “meta” level, which takes as its objects the very elements of thinking in the basic level itself. I believe there’s reason to believe that much of what we deem “intelligence”, as opposed to mere calculation, involves this kind of “meta” leap in conceptual understanding.

“Aha!” Moments When Discovering the Meta

I can attribute one of the biggest changes in my own life to one of these moments of discovering a hidden meta layer. In this case, it was thinking about habits, goals and productivity systems instead of just the objects of those pursuits.

The “Aha!” moment for me was discovering that, instead of just trying to work on some project to achieve a particular goal, I could work on my habits directly to achieve that goal. Instead of blaming a failure on willpower or discipline, I could look at the habits that failed me and see how one could be redesigned in the future to avoid those problems.

After discovering this meta layer for myself, I became a little obsessed with it. I’m not alone. Many people I know who started blogs on personal development often do so with habits, goal setting or productivity systems as a first topic. The discovery of this “meta” layer to life can feel so profound that it’s hard to believe you didn’t see it sooner.

Meta-Metas or Turtles All the Way Up

There’s an old joke about an shaman and a scientist. The scientist asked the shaman what the origin of the world was and the shaman said that the world was resting on the back of a gigantic tortoise. The scientist responds smugly, “but what does the tortoise stand on?” The shaman responded casually, “Another tortoise.” “But what does that tortoise stand on?” the scientist asked again. The shaman replied, “It’s tortoises all the way down.”

Metas are a bit like tortoises, except in this analogy they stack up rather than stack downwards. Once you have a certain level of understanding of one layer, it’s always possible to reach out to a new higher layer and start seeing the “meta” of the layer you had previously discovered.

Consider our restaurant. The amateur restaurateur sees the business in terms of food and service. The smarter restaurateur sees it in terms of business processes that create the food and service. The smartest restaurateur, sees those business processes in terms of strategies that compel them. Metas on top of metas.

Or consider habits. The initial layer is to strive after things, and blame amorphous properties like willpower or motivation when you can’t reach them. The meta layer is to investigate the processes that guide willpower and motivation—habits, goals and systems. The meta-meta layer is to think about the ideas and philosophies that guide those meta-level objects. What kinds of goals should I have? What habits are meta-stable? Should a system be thorough or sparse?

You Can’t Force the Meta

Clearly meta-understandings are incredibly valuable. Since a meta layer encapsulates the layers below it, you can always reason downwards, if that is more appropriate. The restaurateur who has reached the level of seeing business processes, for instance, doesn’t automatically forget about the food.

Given this idea, it might seem reasonable to ask whether we can generate these meta-level insights directly. The pattern is relatively clear—instead of reasoning about the objects directly, you reason about the higher abstractions that themselves reason about the objects. This might seem to form a “pump” so to speak, that would allow you to generate meta layers automatically, simply by thinking hard enough.

Unfortunately, however, I don’t think you can force it. I believe that this is because the meta comes from having detailed understanding of the layer below. If you don’t have that, the “meta” layer you generate has no power. You might be able to understand that it exists, but you can’t actually elevate your thinking towards it.

To give an example of this, about a year or so ago, I started learning to play chess. I had learned the rules of the game as a child, but I never had any skilled opponents and didn’t practice. Then, recently, I started playing again with a good friend who was quite skilled at the game.

Chess knowledge is easy to think in terms of layers. The most basic understanding of chess are the rules themselves. Bishops move diagonally. Rooks move horizontally and vertically. Pawns move only forward, except to capture, which has to be on a diagonal.

The first “higher” layer of chess is encapsulated in the patterns that are not part of the basic rules, but are inevitable consequences of them. One such pattern is a “fork” where your piece simultaneously attacks two of your opponents pieces, and can sometimes force them to sacrifice one if they aren’t properly protected. There is no rule for fork in chess. It’s a higher-layer that comes from understanding the basic rules well enough to see that this pattern exists above them.

But there’s more than just forks. Further layers of chess become increasingly abstract. Great players can often lose on lower-level principles of chess, such as material, sacrificing a pawn or piece, but gain on meta principles like activity or positional dominance.

The thing is, when I started learning about chess as an adult, I knew about these things. I heard about concepts like pawn structure, aggressiveness, sharpness in tactics, etc.. but I couldn’t *see* them. I knew those layers existed, but when a chess master pointed out that a certain setup was favorable to white because of one of these higher-level concepts, I was blind to it. They literally saw the chess board differently than I did because their mastery of the lower levels allowed a facility of “meta” understanding.

Side note: Sticklers may be rustled at my overly loose usage of “meta” here. “Meta” interpreted strictly means something is “about” itself. So meta-chess would be… chess about chess? Maybe that’s meaningless. Incidentally, this is a problem with “meta” not being a concept in and of itself, but a prefix which depends on which word is used as the base. Therefore, there are many things which exhibit “layer-hopping” in the same way as strictly “meta” ideas, but may not officially qualify because the correct noun is lacking to truly make it reflexive. This is a little bit of an unconventional extension of the idea of “meta”, so for those who want to limit it strictly, feel free to substitute my overuse of the word “meta” with the somewhat more general (and in my opinion less illustrative) idea of “abstraction.”

Meta and Chunks

These days, the popular account of such understanding is that of “chunks”. Human working memory is famously limited to just a few objects. Our mental powers comes from being able, through exposure, practice and insight, to bind atoms of understanding together into larger and larger chunks.

Experts have expertise because their repertoire of lower-level chunks allows for increasingly abstract patterns to be deftly employed when they’re needed. Physics experts see physics problems differently than novices. They see them in terms of deep principles rather than surface features of a problem. An expert might look at a problem and say, “oh this is a conservation of energy issue,” whereas a novice might say, “hmmm this is one of the ones that has a string and a pulley… which formula do you use for those again?”

This view of chunks also implies that meta-layers, although I’ve conceptualized them as existing discretely on top of earlier understandings, aren’t really discrete. While the idea of working “on” one’s business as opposed to “in” it seems fairly clear, there’s still a lot of crossover. Does opting for smaller portion sizes represent a basic-level strategy of presenting fancy-seeming dishes? Or is it a higher level strategy of market positioning? It’s often not clearly separate, and the reasoning compelling such choices can blur boundaries.

What I think is useful to the meta understanding, rather than thinking about chunks alone, is that the meta understanding implies that often what you’re doing when building expertise is making understandings that directly manipulate the upstream causes of your previous reasoning.

Meta is Math

There’s a powerful analogy here between the meta-climbing of increasingly abstract conceptual understanding and learning mathematics. In a way, mathematics is a kind of rarefied meta-level thinking.

The hallmark of math is this kind of conceptual climb. You start by counting on your fingers. That generalizes to numbers that go past ten. Then you get arithmetic—plus and minus, multiply and division. What if you multiplied the multiplier? That gets you to exponents and logarithms. What if you took partial numbers, extended the number line backwards or allowed it to rotate? That gives you the continuum, negative numbers and complex numbers, respectively.

The hallmark of mathematics is to take one level and generalize it or extend it in some way. This goes on and on and on until eventually you have things like commutative rings in abstract algebra, which are completely opaque to anyone without advanced mathematics degrees.

Meta-levels have a similar flavor. There’s the layer you understand. There’s the layer above that you can see exists, but can’t really work with. Then there’s the layers above that which you don’t understand at all.

Depending on your feelings towards the topic, you may feel those meta layers are genuine, and represent a deficit in your understanding, or you may feel they represent and increasingly elaborate form of intellectual masturbation, with people coming up with increasingly esoteric descriptions of a fundamental lie.

The existence of a meta-generating process doesn’t say anything about its veracity, unfortunately. A genuinely useful process may get derailed if it introduces a falsehood at a lower layer. Then, you might get increasingly sophisticated elaborations of that falsehood. Alchemy and astrology had tons of smart people as adherents, but the sophisticated abstract understandings collapse since that’s not how stars or substances actually work.

Pathways to Finding the Meta

While I don’t think you can “force” a meta-level understanding where the object level is insufficient to support it, I do think the opposite is possible. That is, I think it’s possible to have a rich object-level and simply not notice the meta level sitting above it.

This explains why discovering the meta, for many, is an “Aha!” moment of insight. Discovering habits is such a personal development leap for many because they’ve trained themselves to take action to reach goals, but it didn’t occur to them to think about the processes that generate the behavior itself. If you’re ready, that insight can be digested relatively rapidly.

This suggests a path for finding the meta in many areas of life, whether it be self-development, chess, physics or art:

1. Acknowledge that there are levels beyond what you can currently perceive.

This is especially important if you have a tendency to dismiss them. “History is just one thing after another,” or, “All modern art is bullshit,” are meta-dismissing comments. Now it’s certainly possible that established views are wrong. It may be the case that historians are overconfident in their conceptual understanding of how events unfold, or that modern art’s philosophy is suspect.

However, if we accept that virtually everything has meta layers and meta-meta layers, turtling all the way up, then one needs to be careful dismissing the layers one can’t currently see as not actually existing. As I explained earlier, I simply couldn’t see the chess concepts the grandmasters were talking about. If chess had been a more subjective domain, I might have wanted to dismiss their concepts entirely simply because I lacked the ability to see them.

2. Probe your own meta-levels. You may be ripe for an “Aha!” moment in one of them.

Ask yourself what would be the meta level of the problem domain you’re trying to work in. What would it mean to “go up one level” in your business, career or philosophy? The answer may give you clues as to how to climb up there, if you’re ready.

3. Develop richer understandings one level below.

If you’re not ready, the answer will probably be vague or unintelligible, just as the advanced chess concepts were to me. The solution here isn’t to dismiss the meta or ignore it, but to work on enriching your understanding of the layer below. As that foundation ripens, it will be easier and easier to think of it abstractly until you’re ready to move up to the layer above.

Climbing Meta-Ladders

This idea, that meta-layers can only be reached with sufficient understanding of the layer below, I think prevents the biggest worry of this chain of reasoning, namely that if you obsess over the meta layer, where does it stop? Don’t you just go off into an increasingly heady realm, detached from the object-level concerns until you start asking those bizarre philosophical questions like what the meaning of the word “is” is?

This worry, of course, is perhaps a symptom of runaway abstracting without first trying to get a grip on the layer below. Properly construed, a higher meta layer should have even greater familiarity with the objects below it, so that they are enriched by that understanding, rather than forgotten.

That being said, perhaps there is a “meta” to this entire chain of meta-reasoning I’m presenting right now. Namely, when to think about the meta layer and when to focus on the ground-layer itself. If that’s the case, then perhaps I haven’t developed a sophisticated enough understanding to access that rung in that meta-meta. However, I’ll keep thinking about it, and perhaps I’ll discover something once I do.

Discovering the Meta syndicated from http://ift.tt/2kl7pJj