#minus any accents and things it may have

[portrait-of-a-little-thing]

im on my gansey arc today ladies and gents

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 22: Storm

A spring snowstorm hits Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-21 found on Tumblr here.

PLEASE PAY CLOSE ATTENTION TO THE CONTENT WARNINGS, THIS IS A ROUGH CHAPTER!!!

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Past sexual assault vaguely described; animal death; PTSD response; sexual assault of a minor mentioned in a vulgar way (not seen); possible child death. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 8.6k 

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Early May, 2013 

You were outside when the woman rode up. 

Your home was well hidden and you’d only seen five people since Mark had left almost a year earlier, each of them making their way into your land and telling you that he’d sent them your way. They were all kind, they were all vulnerable and they were all loaded down with things you would need. Flashlight batteries and bulbs, sugar and salt, rubbing alcohol and petroleum jelly. Thread, fabric, pain killers, antibiotics, guitar strings. One woman had been sent with a snack sized bag of Lays that were still sealed and a bottle of whiskey. That had made you smile, the clearest sign that Mark hadn’t forgotten about you. 

All of the others had arrived on foot, seemingly with a good idea of where to go, mostly alone but two women has traveled together. The timing wasn’t predictable but you at least knew what you could expect when someone Mark sent your way came into your territory.

This woman was different. 

You heard her before you saw her, the thundering footfalls and heavy breathing of her horse loud against the quiet of the forest. You didn’t have time to fortify your position, didn’t even have time to go get more ammo. So you stood your ground and raised your rifle, heart pounding, when she burst through the tree line and into the clearing that you called home. 

“Back the fuck up!” You yelled, gun raised. The horse all but skidded to a stop, the woman on its back clutching a bundle of blankets to her chest with one hand, yanking back on the reins with the other.  

“Easy!” She said dropping the reins and putting her hand up. She still clung to the bundle. You recognized the horse. It was Perseus, it was Mark’s horse. “Are you Texas?” 

“Who’s askin’?” Your accent was thick, fear a knot in your stomach as you looked Perseus over. You didn’t see any signs of injury.

She kept her hand up. 

“You knew Mark?” She asked. She had an accent, too. Georgia southern, like Mark. “Brown hair, criminally long eyelashes?” 

You narrowed your eyes at her and tightened your grip on your weapon. 

“He knew you,” she kept going. “He… he told me all about you. Doubt he ever mentioned me but… he talked about you all the time. He loved you and I think you loved him, too.” 

You swallowed past the growing lump in your throat and tightness in your chest. She kept using past tense. 

“What about him?” You asked, keeping your gun raised but your grip loosened. 

“He sent me to find you. We need your help,” she said, reaching and tugging her pant leg up just enough to reveal a festering bite mark on her ankle. “And I don’t have much time.” 

***

Early April, 2027

“I can’t believe you’ve been calling her a fucking baby deer this whole goddamn time!” 

Ellie was perched on Shimmer’s stall door, watching as you and Joel set out blankets for the horses. It has been snowing all day and winds were picking up. You were worried a blizzard was moving in and you wanted help getting the horses set to ride out the storm if you couldn’t get to them for a day or two. 

Joel was happy to assist, especially since he had come back from patrol a week earlier with a copy of Bambi on VHS. Ellie hadn’t been able to calm down about it since and it reminded him of the giddiness she had when she started in on the puns the first time, almost four years ago now. He’d have done anything to get that back and, it turned out, all it took was an old Disney movie and a funny nickname.  

“Thank you,” you laughed, almost smug. “Don’t talk for a few minutes and get saddled with the name of a cartoon deer for life…” 

“Hey, needed somethin’ to call you and you try coming up with anything else after lookin’ at you with those big eyes,” Joel said, defensive but smiling. “Not my fault it stuck.” 

“Yeah well Bambi here was gonna kick your ass the first time we met,” she replied. “Big bad contractor was gonna get beat up by a fucking cartoon deer from a kid’s movie…”

Joel tried to keep from laughing and raised his eyebrows at you. 

“OK that’s an exaggeration,” you said. “All I was going to do…” 

“I asked if you were going to try to kick his ass,” Ellie cut you off. “And you said ‘no try about it, I was gonna kick his ass.’” 

“And what did I do to deserve that?” Joel asked, teasing. 

“Well, Ellie tried to warn me about you…” You began, but Ellie cut you off. 

“Should have listened….” 

You glared at her. 

“But she wasn’t very clear,” you said. “And if some grown man was messing around with a girl, I was going to kick his ass. Turns out I didn’t have a reason to.” 

Joel laughed. 

“Glad you spared me.” 

You laughed before planting your hands on your hips, looking around the stable for a moment, taking stock. 

“Think things are just about as good as they’re gonna get,” you sighed. “But I think they should be good for a day until we can dig out and get back over here. Just wait for them to finish dinner, put more feed in after…” 

“Think there’s any chance of the patrols making it back tonight?” Ellie asked, her eyebrows drawn together. 

“Probably not,” Joel said. “They got places to ride out shit like storms if they get stuck, they’ll be alright.” 

“Still,” you said. “Had a group that was due back tonight, Jackson was probably the closest point to ride it out. Think I’ll hang out for a bit yet…” 

“I’ll go get us something to eat,” Joel said. “We’ll wait with you, head home after, settle in to ride out the storm.” 

“Can we stay at Bambi’s?” Ellie asked. “She’s got a way better stereo.” 

You smiled. 

“Sure, kid,” you said. “On you to get Joel to dance party, though.” 

“Dance party?” He frowned. 

“You wouldn’t get it, Old Man,” she replied, the hint of a smirk on her face. 

“Don’t get a lot of things about you, Baby Girl,” he said before stretching his back a bit. “Alright, back in a few. Try not to find too much trouble while I’m gone.” 

You and Ellie both rolled your eyes and he couldn’t help but smile as he made his way through the few inches of snow that had already fallen, heading for the mess hall. 

One of Joel’s favorite parts of being back on good terms with Ellie was getting to see your relationship with her. Even before she was mad at him, he wanted her to have someone like you in her life. Another woman she could talk to, look up to, guide her in ways he didn’t fully understand. She needed that and he hadn’t been able to see it happening from the distance she was holding him at before. 

He knew the two of you were close, he just hadn’t realized how close until the last few months. The two of you felt more like family than Sarah’s mother ever had and he treasured it, treasured that you seemed to love his daughter almost as much as he did. 

The mess hall was getting ready for a storm, too, putting together baskets of food to send home with Jackson residents so people wouldn’t be struggling through the storm for their meals over the next few days. He gathered enough to last the three of you for a bit plus some sandwiches for tonight before he started back toward the stables, the wind more forceful and biting than when he’d left just half an hour earlier. 

As he got closer, he noticed tracks in the snow, hoof prints leading to the stables. A patrol had made it back and, for half a moment, he was a little disappointed. If the storm wasn’t as bad as they were expecting and the patrol was able to make it back to Jackson without losing much time, he might not get to spend the day with you and Ellie tomorrow. Ever since the storm started moving in that afternoon he’d been excited for the chance to have some unexpected time just the three of you - almost like playing hooky but with permission. 

But he knew he should just be happy the patrol made it home through the weather, hopefully with all the people intact. Which, he was. But damn if he didn’t love an excuse to spend time with you. 

He opened the door to the stable and quickly moved shut it behind him, expecting to find you taking saddles off horses. Instead, you damn near slammed into him, your eyes wide, not saying a word as you shoved the door open and took off into the snow. 

“Bambi?” He called after you. You didn’t even slow down. He jogged over to Ellie’s perch and set the food down, a tightness starting to grip his chest. 

“No idea,” Ellie said, not waiting for him to ask. “Patrol came back, said something about some people they found outside… She just said ‘savvy’ and took the fuck off.” 

Joel looked around for a second. Julie was standing next to her horse, a confused look on her face. 

“You found people outside?” Joel asked. 

“Yeah,” she said, still staring at where you’d run out. “Yeah, a group of five. We brought them back…” 

“Where are they?” He asked, fighting to keep his voice calm. 

“The clinic…” 

“Ellie,” he said quickly. “Stay put here, alright? I’m gone more than half an hour, head on home. Mine or hers, don’t want you in that little place for this storm, OK Baby Girl?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded, not giving him shit. She looked concerned, too. “Yeah, OK.” 

He gave her a stiff nod and went out into the building storm, following your footprints to the clinic. 

Joel heard you there before he saw you, your voice pleading and desperate as he shut the wind and snow outside. 

“Anything,” you were begging. “Anything at all, a name, an age, hair color, anything, please…” 

“I’m sorry,” a man whose voice Joel didn’t recognize said. “She did say much before she died, just that there was a girl…” 

Joel found you then, in the same room he’d been in when he’d come in from patrol with a bullet in his leg. 

“Where?” You asked. “Where’d you find her? Did she say where she escaped from, how far she’d come?” 

“We picked them up about 15 miles north east of here,” Fred, one of the men on patrol, said. “Just south of Kelly.” 

“Think she came from a camp ground near there,” the other man said. He was skinny, a patch of frostbite on his nose. “Said something about cabins…” 

“Right,” you nodded. “Right, thank you.” 

You turned and ran smack into Joel’s chest. You barely seemed to register it, hardly even glancing at him before ducking around him and running out the door again. 

“She was asking about a girl,” Fred said quickly. “These folks here, had a woman with them before we found them. Said she escaped raiders, that the raiders had a teenaged girl…” 

“Fuck,” Joel muttered under his breath before looking at the other man. “Thanks, Fred.” 

He didn’t wait for a response, just ducking back into the snow, the wind starting to howl now, running to catch up with you. 

You were on your porch by the time he reached you. You didn’t even seem to be aware that he was following you, you were too focused on something else entirely. You didn’t even bother to take your boots off when you got in the house, just ripping the coat closet inside your door open and pulling out your patrol materials as Joel let himself in. 

“Bambi,” he said gently. You looked up at him for a moment, like you were surprised to find him there before you focused back on your pack, shoving in blankets and flashlights. “Come on, honey…” 

“They’ve got her, Joel,” you said, barely glancing at him before you grabbed your bag and half walked, half ran to your kitchen. “Can’t just leave her out there with them, I…” 

“There’s a snowstorm, Sweetheart,” he said gently, trying to keep his voice calm. “It’s not safe…” 

“Doesn’t matter,” you started stuffing food in your bag, no rhyme or reason to it that Joel could see. 

“Yes, it does,” he said, trying to take the pack from you. You yanked it back, a vicious look in your eyes before you ducked around him. “Baby.” 

“I’m not leaving her to those… those…” your voice cracked. “Those fucking monsters, I’m not, I can’t just leave her, I can’t just abandon her, I…” 

“You getting yourself killed won’t help anybody.” It was getting harder and harder to keep the panic from his voice. He’d never seen you quite like this. Close to it when out on patrol and there were signs that raiders were near, signs of their violence, but he’d always been able to pull you back from the edge. He wasn’t sure he could this time. “Bambi, you can’t…” 

“Yes, I can.” 

You moved around him and he followed. 

“I know you want to help people,” he said. “But you can’t help anyone if you get yourself killed. I know you want to save everyone from going through what you went through…” 

“That’s not what this is,” you said, turning in circles like you were looking for something but you couldn’t place it. 

“Then what is it?” He caught you by the shoulders and looked at you, your eyes wide and panicky. “Tell me, help me understand. When the weather clears, I can go with you and…” 

“It’ll be too late then,” you shook your head, tears starting to swell. “As soon as the snow stops they’re going to leave and it’ll be too late, I’ll never catch them and they’ll still have her and I can’t lose her again, Joel, I can’t, I can’t take it, I can’t do this again, please, don’t ask me to do this again I…” 

“Do what?” He asked, pleading, his grip on you firm. “Let me help you, Baby, please, tell me what’s going on. Who…” 

“My daughter!” You said quickly. Joel froze, his heart pounding against his ribs. “I have a daughter, I have a daughter and if it’s her I… I can’t lose her again, I can’t. I have to go get her…” 

“You…” he breathed. 

“My daughter,” you said, eyes wide. “Please, Joel. I think they have my daughter.” 

*** 

Early May, 2013

You lowered your rifle enough that it was no longer an immediate threat and she relaxed a little, letting the pant leg fall over her ankle again. There was a small cry from the bundle in her arms and you frowned, looking between her and it. She carefully lowered it from her chest, looking down to it. 

“Hey, you’re OK sweet girl,” she said gently. “It’s alright…” 

The bundle fussed but didn’t cry again and she looked back to you. 

“Can I get down?” She asked. “Got a lot to talk about and not a lot of time to do it. Figure I’ve got an hour left. Two, tops.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded quickly. “Yeah, OK. Let’s talk.” 

You didn’t invite her in, not wanting to deal with the potential hazard of her turning into one of those inhuman things in your house. She didn’t seem to mind. 

Her name, she said, was Laurel. She was about your age, you guessed, with her dark hair in two thick braids, deep brown eyes and rich umber skin. 

“This is Savannah,” she said, tilting the bundle so you could see inside. “She’s nine months old…” 

You looked at her, awed for a moment. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen a baby and you resisted the urge to reach out and run your finger over her chubby, impossibly soft looking cheek. She blinked at you, her brown eyes oddly keen and exacting for a baby, her lashes almost obscenely long. You frowned, leaning in to look closer at her. You knew those impossibly soft, brown eyes set in her lovely russet-hued face. 

“She’s Mark’s,” you said softly, looking up at Laurel. “She’s Mark’s, isn’t she?” 

“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, she is.” 

“I…” your voice broke. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know he had someone, I wouldn’t have…” 

“It wasn’t like that,” she cut you off. “My husband died about three years ago. He got hurt, it got infected… Not even the fucking apocalypse kind, just the kind that you can clear up with penicillin if you can find the damn stuff. Mark… we were both lonely, looking for something to make it better for a while. It just kind of happened. She just kind of happened.” 

The baby cooed, stretching and reaching for you. 

“Where is he?” You asked, looking back at Laurel. “What happened to him?” 

“Our settlement got overrun,” she said, her voice suddenly thick. “They came out of nowhere and just… He tried. He tried so, so hard, you should know that he tried. But he got bit, on the neck, trying to protect us and… He told me where to find you. That’s what he did with the last few minutes of his life, he told me where to find you, he told me that you’d take care of us, make sure we survived. He told me to tell you that he loved you and that he wanted to come back to you…” 

You found yourself nodding, tears on your cheeks as you looked into the eyes of the man you loved in his child’s face. 

“He died before I got bit,” she said. “He died thinking we had a shot. I kept her safe, though. She was safe…” 

“You did good,” you said, throat tight. “You really did…” 

“I need your help,” she said before taking a deep breath. 

“Course,” you nodded, tearing your eyes away from Mark’s daughter to look at her. “What…” 

“I need you to take Savannah.” 

You just blinked at her for a moment. “I…” you broke off, shaking your head. “What? I… no, no, I’m not who you want, I don’t…” 

“I don’t have a lot of options,” she said. “I don’t have time to find another person let alone someone I know I can trust. And I know I can trust you with her. Mark loved you and you loved him, you won’t let anything happen to his child.” 

“But I…” you looked back at the baby in her arms. “I don’t know anything about kids, I wouldn’t even know where to start, I don’t…” 

“Please,” she said, her voice breaking. “He wanted you to take care of her. I think… I think part of him knew it would just be her. That’s why he sent me here, to you. He wanted it to be you. He trusted you and he loved you, he wanted her to be with you. Please, I’ll beg if I have to, just please take care of her. Please.” 

You looked at the baby in her arms, at Mark’s eyes with the impossibly long lashes. 

“OK.” 

Laurel held her daughter while she told you everything. You paused her to take some notes when you thought of it, things like a recipe for formula when she refused solids and what to do when she started crying but wouldn’t stop. She told you how much her daughter loved to gnaw on bits of apple and loved to bounce in time to her father’s humming and her birthday - July 20. 

She started twitching more in what felt like no time at all, tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. She pressed her lips to her daughter’s forehead. 

“You’ll be OK sweet girl,” she whispered to her. “You’ll be OK. Mama loves you, OK? Try to remember that for me, OK?” She looked up at you. “Will… will you tell her about me? About Mark?” 

You nodded, the pinch of tears tight in your throat. 

“Of course,” you said. “I’ll make sure she knows everything you did for her. She’ll know about you.” 

She nodded, passing you her child. Your child. 

“I’d like to do it myself,” she said, nodding to the gun at your hip. “If that’s OK.” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, adjusting Savannah in your arms and handing Laurel the gun. She took it and walked backwards away from you, her eyes on her daughter. Your daughter. 

“I’ll close my eyes just before,” she said once she was about 20 feet away, still looking at her baby. “Can you cover hers for me? I want to look at her as long as I can but I don’t want her to see…” 

“Yeah,” you nodded again. “I can do that.” 

“Thank you,” she smiled tightly, actually looking at you this time. “I… I know this isn’t what you planned but… It’s easier, knowing she has someone.” 

“I’ll take care of her,” you said. “I’ll love her. I’ll take care of her.” 

Laurel just nodded and looked back at her child, watching her for a moment, the gun in her shaky hand. 

“Mama loves you,” she said softly, raising the gun to her temple and closing her eyes. You quickly pressed Savannah’s face into your chest and held her close. 

Everything was eerily silent for a moment, the longest second of your life, before there was the crack of the gun and the sharp cry of the baby who was all you had left in the world. 

August 2018 

“You have learn this, Savvy.”

“I don’t want to shoot them, Mama,” your daughter looked over at you from her spot on the downed tree, looking at the infected more than 100 feet away through a scope. 

“These are the easiest things you’ll ever have to shoot,” you said gently. “It’s nice to shoot them, you’re making it so they’re not hurting anymore…” 

“But they’re people.” 

Her eyes - her father’s eyes - were so wide. The springs of her curls were bundled back away from her face, a sprinkle of freckles across her nose. 

“I know they look like people,” you ran your hand over the crown of her small head. “But they’re not, not anymore. They’re things that are hurting and the only way to help them is to shoot them. And shooting them keeps you and me safe. Now, you can do this. Do it just like you do at home with the targets.” 

She looked at you, her big eyes watery, before obeying and turning back toward the gun. You watched as she lined up her shot and took a deep breath, exhaling before firing. 

Her shot went a little wide, catching the infected on the arm. It whipped its head around and shrieked before running for you. 

“Mama!” 

“It’s alright,” you said, looking down your own rifle for a moment before firing and hitting it in the head. It dropped like a stone. “See? All OK. This is why we learn.”

“I’m sorry,” her voice was thick and trembling and you looked over at her, tears streaming down her face. “I tried hard, I promise…” she hiccuped and gulped in air and you set your rifle down and sat up before pulling her against you. 

“You did so good,” you kissed the top of her head. “Don’t be sorry, Honey, you did so good, I’m so proud of you.”

“But I didn’t kill them,” she pulled her face from your chest, her lower lip quivering. “I did it wrong and…” 

“You’ll get better,” you said gently. “No one is perfect when they’re learning. This is just to make sure that you’re safe. I’ll always protect you but it’s good for you to know how to protect yourself, too. This is just in case, OK?” 

She nodded against you and you held her until she stopped crying. When she calmed, you ran your thumbs over her cheeks and kissed her small forehead, wishing you didn’t have to teach her these things. If you could just shelter her away from the world - from infected, from the people who has found power because of the infected - then it would all be OK. She wouldn’t need to know how to kill. It could be just you and her, growing things and raising horses and reading by the fire, until the end of time. 

But the world, you knew, was not so kind. 

“Want to go pick out some books?” You asked gently. She nodded and the two of you got up and you took her hand, leading her to the library. 

In the more than five years you’d had Savvy, she had become your entire world. Everything you did, you did for her. To keep her safe, to make her happy, to teach her. You’d known nothing about children when Laurel brought her to you. The first night, you’d held her close while you both cried and you prayed to a god you’d never been sure existed that you would do right by her.

Loving her came easy. Living for her was harder. 

But you fell into it eventually, guiding her through the world as it was now as best you could. If you found a family near your territory, you’d watch them from afar and, once you knew it was safe, bring Savvy to introduce her, give her a chance to know someone besides yourself. You taught her how to read, how to count, how to skin a rabbit. You had no idea if it was the right thing but you hoped it would be enough that, when she was older, she would survive if something happened to you. That’s all that mattered, that she would be OK. 

“Mama?” She asked, setting her picture book on her legs as you browsed the shelves for more books on home schooling and small scale farming.

“Yes baby?” 

“What else would I need to shoot?” 

You frowned and looked down at her, your hand on the spine of a book. 

“What?” 

“Well, you said that the not people are the easiest things I would have to shoot,” she said, face serious. “So… what else would I have to shoot?” 

“I don’t think you’ll like shooting animals much,” you said and she crinkled her nose. “But you’ll probably have to at some point.” 

“But I like animals,” she pouted. 

You smiled. 

“I know you do.” 

“What else?” She asked, still peering up at you. 

You sighed. 

“Sometimes…” you turned your attention back to the books. “Sometimes you’ll have to shoot a person.” 

Her wide eyes somehow grew wider, a look of horror on her face. 

“But…” her little voice broke. “But I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“I know,” you said quietly. “But sometimes we have to.” 

“Why?” 

“Because,” you looked down to her. “There are things in this world that want to hurt you and you need to know how to hurt them first.” 

“But you’re here,” she said. She was so young, so small. You knelt, getting down on her level. 

“You still need to know how,” you said. “I will do everything I can to protect you but I might fail. You need to know how to destroy them before they destroy you because they will. They will destroy every part of you they can touch if they have the chance. Don’t give them the chance.” 

She considered that for a moment, her face very serious. 

“Does it hurt?” She asked, looking up at you. 

You reached down at cupped her cheek.

“Yes,” you said quietly. “Yes, it does.” 

Her eyes were wide and soft and deep and you wanted, more than anything, to keep her safe. 

“But I’ll take care of you,” you said, stroking her soft skin with your thumb. “For as long as I’m alive, I’ll take care of you.” 

September 15, 2023 

“Mom?” 

You looked up from where you were working at skinning a rabbit. There was a glow in your front window, a hold over from when Savvy was even younger and you had to leave to go check on the horses before bed. She got scared one night when she woke up and found that you weren’t in the dark cabin. Ever since, you always left the electric lantern on when you left in the evenings, even though she said she didn’t need it anymore. It was just enough to work by as the sun got lower outside. 

“Yeah?”

“What…” she paused, an odd look on her face. “What’s in Gattling’s mouth?” 

The dog was hovering behind Savvy’s legs and you leaned around from your position on a tree stump, trying to get a look at her. You frowned, not able to make it out in the low light, and set the rabbit and your knife down, wiping your hands on a rag tucked into your belt.  

Gattling’s tail wagged as you approached, her head low and you squatted down to be on her level, angling her head toward the house so her muzzle wasn’t in shadow. Her snout was red with blood, something dangling from her jaws. You held your palm out flat. 

“Gattling, release.” 

She obediently dropped it in your hand with a sickening splat. It took you a moment to realize that it was a pinky finger. 

“Mom?” Savvy’s voice was shaky. You dropped the finger where you stood and heard the crack of a gunshot in the distance. 

“We have to move.” 

You grabbed her arm and pulled her in the house, Gattling trotting close behind. 

“What’s happening?” She asked, looking back over her shoulder. “Mom, what’s…” 

“Get packed,” you said, grabbing a pack and thrusting at her before running to the dresser in the corner. You shrugged out of the shirt you were wearing and traded it for the one you’d worn when you fled the ranch 20 years earlier, not willing to leave Justin’s shirt behind. “Some clothes, first aid, batteries, flashlights, all three kinds of ammo, sleeping bag.” 

You went to the kitchen and started grabbing things you’d already preserved. Jerky, dried fruit, some seeds. Most of the canteens in the house were full and you grabbed a few. You grabbed the pistol, the shot gun and the rifles. You set it all out on the table and looked over to your daughter who was obediently filling her pack. 

“Leave room for this,” you said, taking your rifle from the pile. “Meet me by the horses as quick as you can. Turn out the lantern on your way.” 

She just nodded. You sprinted for the cabin you’d turned into a stable. Nike was huffed at your arrival and you grabbed her tack and saddled her up as quickly as you could, making sure there was room to add basic supplies. Savvy ran into the pen just as you led Nike and Perseus into the middle of it. 

“Long guns,” you held your hand out as you tightened down straps of the saddle. She handed you the shotgun first and you tucked it into a strap on the saddle. The rifle came next. You stepped back and looked at it for a moment. 

“OK,” you said turning back to your daughter, looking her over. She’d gotten so tall, she was only a few inches shorter than you now, you didn’t even need to stoop to press a kiss to her forehead. “Want you to head north, understand?” 

“What are you talking about?” She asked as you took her arm and guided her alongside the horse. “Mom, you’re coming with me, I’ll just follow you, I’ll just…” 

“I’ll get to you when I can,” you said. She shook her head, her eyes wide. 

“No,” she grabbed your arms. “No, you can’t, you can’t just leave me, you can’t…” 

“I’m not leaving you,” you held her face in your hands, looked into her eyes. She had her father’s eyes. “I’m not, OK? I will find you. I will always find you, sweet girl, I will always protect you. That’s what I’m going to do, OK? I’m going to buy you time. Cut north, stick to the woods, off the trails. You know things here. Go out of the way, work your way around the long way to the library. Meet me there in three days, it should be safe…” 

“Three days?” She gaped at you. “No, I can’t…” 

“Yes you can,” you said, firm enough that you believed it, too. “Yes you can. I’ve taught you everything I know, you can make it. It’s just three days, you’ll be OK. You’re so strong and you’re so smart, you’re going to be OK. I will always find you. I will always protect you, I will always keep you safe. I promise.” 

You pulled her tight to you and kissed her temple. 

“I love you,” you breathed, pulling back to look at her face. “More than anything, I love you. I’ll see you soon, OK? Ride through the night, switch horses at dawn and keep riding until tomorrow night. You can do this.” 

“I can do this,” she repeated. “I can do this.” 

You looked to the dog at your feet, her tail wagging and her muzzle bloody. 

“Gattling,” you said. Her ears perked up. “Savvy.” 

She immediately went to your daughter’s side, ready to protect her. 

You boosted Savvy onto the horse, taking a final look at her. 

“Just three days, right Mom?” 

You swallowed, hard, before nodding. 

“Just three days. Be safe. Be smart. I’ll see you soon.” 

You didn’t have the luxury of watching her ride away. The second her, Nike and Perseus were clear of the paddock, you ran to saddle up Hercules. 

You needed to buy her time. 

October 13, 2023

You were still paying for your escape. 

It was hard to keep track of time. You were with Mitchum and his crew about two weeks the first time. That’s what it felt like, anyway. You were pretty sure it had been about half as long since they got you back. It was hard to tell. You were so panicked, in so much pain that time stretched and expanded and every hour that passed was an hour that you were separated from your daughter and you needed to get to her, you had to. She was just 11 years old and the world was not kind to girls. You’d taught her everything you knew but you had to get back to her, you didn’t want her to have to hurt and kill. 

When you’d escaped, you’d done nothing but search for her. You went to the library, tried to track where you thought she’d have come from but it had been weeks. There was no trail left to follow. You were about to return to your cabin to check there when Mitchum’s men found you again. You still had no idea where Savvy was.

You’d promised to take care of her. You’d promised her, you’d promised the woman who had given her to you a decade earlier. You’d promised. 

You had to get back to her. 

They’d chained you to a wall this time but you thought you might be able to pull the bolt out of the wood if you worked at it diligently enough. You pried at it until your nails were bloody and you kept going. You were covered in blood already, anyway. It was sticky on your skin where it had flowed from the cut on your head where your face had been slammed into the floor as one of Mitchum’s men had taken you from behind while you were on your knees. It had been a steady drip from inside of you since the first time Mitchum forced himself on you when you were brought back, whatever injury there was not given time to heal. The raiders seemed to like it when you bled on them. It even coated part of your arm where one man had cut you when trying to control you, not happy with your lack of compliance as he hurt you. A little more as you tried to pry yourself free wasn’t going to draw attention. 

The door slammed into the wall without warning and you jumped, shocking back from the wall. The man standing there smirked, stalking over to you. 

“Getting ideas are we?” He sneered. He didn’t wait for a response. “Thought you’d have learned your fuckin’ lesson last time…” 

He pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked the cuff that held you before pulling you roughly to your feet. He didn’t give you any clothes, he just pulled you, naked, out to the circle of men around a campfire. Your heart sped up, tried to count them. You weren’t sure you could survive being at the mercy of the more than two dozen who were here, not at one time. He threw you into the dirt and you caught yourself on your hands and knees. 

“Here’s my favorite little bitch,” Mitchum stalked forward. You sat back on your heels and crossed your arms over your chest, trying to protect what you could. “How have you liked being back home? We keepin’ you entertained?” 

A few of the men laughed. You swallowed and peered around, hoping for something you could take advantage of, just one open space, one unguarded moment and you could escape. For good this time. You could do that, you could escape and figure out where you were and then find Savvy. 

“Figured out what you were hidin’ back in that homestead of yours,” Mitchum said, a smirk on his voice. You looked at him, eyes wide. Your stomach dropped and he laughed. “Didn’t think you’d like that. Can see why you were workin’ so hard now, she sure was a pretty little thing.” 

“Fuck you,” you spat. 

He laughed. 

“That can be arranged,” he said. “Fucked that girl of yours, too. Broke her in real good…” 

You were on your feet before you fully realized what you were doing, running for him. You grabbed at his face, snarling and grasping as you sank your bloody nails into his skin. You dug deep and he punched you in the stomach as one of his men pulled you back, forcing you to the ground. 

“I’ll kill you!” You shrieked. “I’ll fucking kill you!” 

He stalked forward and punched you across the face before grabbing a fistful of your hair, forcing you to look at him. You felt blood on your teeth and you wished it was his. You wanted to rip his throat out like an animal, wanted to claw and bite at him until he succumbed. 

“I wanted to keep the both of you,” he said, holding your hair tight in his fist, fingers against your scalp. “Figured you’d be a lot more fun with her life on the line. Too bad she couldn’t take it.” 

The world tilted on its axis. You hadn’t eaten in days but you still felt like you were going to be sick, like everything inside of you, the blood and the viscera that made you a living being, was going to come up. 

“Oh yeah,” he smirked. “Should’ve probably been more careful with her but it was just so much fun to hear her beg for her mama…” 

“You’re a liar,” you hissed through clenched teeth. “A fucking liar!” 

He kept his eyes on you and he whistled before forcing you to look at the fire. Two men stepped forward, each carrying burlap sacks. One was much larger than the other. 

“Show ‘er.” 

The first man, the one with the large bag, turned it over. A horse head fell out of the sack, landing on the dirt with a wet thud. It took you a second to recognize her, separate from her body, but it was Nike. You screamed, the sound clawing its way up from your chest and you instinctively reached for her only to have Mitchum rip you back by your hair. 

“Wanna see what’s in the other bag?” He pressed his mouth against your ear as you sobbed. “Decided to keep her head, thought I should pass it around, see if it’s as good cold…” 

You strained in his hold, trying to shake your head. You couldn’t get yourself to form words. There was the distinct feeling that someone was cracking you open, prying apart your chest and pulling your organs out one by one. They didn’t belong to you anymore. You weren’t sure they ever really had, they were hers and she was gone.

You couldn’t see her like that, see just her head, like she had only ever been parts and pieces to begin with.  

“Please,” you managed through the gasping, racking sobs. “Please, please, no, I’ll do whatever you want, whatever…” 

Mitchum smiled. 

“Good.” 

The pain of the brand barely registered in your mind, even as your body jerked with it. Everything seemed dulled and numbed. Time slowed and stretched and, for a while, the only thing that your body seemed to have space for was the agonizing pain of losing something you were never built to lose. 

It was a year before there was room for anything else. 

Early April, 2027 

“Bambi…” 

“Move, Joel.” 

You shoved past him. You’d need a sleeping bag, two sleeping bags, actually. An extra pair of boots, she probably didn’t have those. She’d have out grown the last ones she had, she would be 14 now, she’d be even taller, have bigger feet, longer legs. They didn’t give you clothes when you were with them, you doubted it was different for her. 

First aid, that you’d need. 

“You can’t do this, Baby,” he was following close behind you. 

“Yes, I can.” 

“You’re gonna get yourself fucking killed,” there was a strain in his voice. “Who knows what you’ll be walking into out there, how many there’ll be, how armed they’ll fuckin’ be, what they’ll do to you if they get your hands on you…” 

“I have to try.” 

You didn’t have a gun here. You’d have to get one, you were pretty sure Maria would give you one if you told her why you needed it. 

“Just…” Joel sounded desperate. “Just wait, until after the storm, just wait, I’ll go with you, we’ll look, we’ll…” 

“It’ll be too late,” you shook your head. “Someone got out, as soon as the weather clears they’re gonna move and we’ll lose them, it has to be now.” 

“Have you seen how shit’s pickin’ up out there?” He came around in front of you, taking you by the shoulders. “Baby, the wind is gonna knock you off your damn horse, you can’t help her if you’re dead, please, I’m begging you, please…” 

“What would you do?” You asked. “If it was Sarah, if it was Ellie. Would you sit here and wait? Or would you go get her?” 

He froze, looking at you. 

Your knife. You’d need your knife. You went to get it but Joel stopped you, his hand on your elbow. 

“Bambi,” he said quietly. “You can’t know that it’s her.” 

“It could be,” you said. “Joel…” 

“It’s been years,” he whispered. “Baby, it’s been years, there’s… I’m so sorry but she’s… They wouldn’t have let her live this long, she couldn’t have survived this long, she’s gone, I’m so sorry…” 

You shook your head. You had that feeling again, like the one you had that day around the fire when Mitchum had told you he’d killed her, the feeling that your whole self was being ripped apart. 

But you’d never seen that she was gone. You never held her body, never saw the life leave her eyes. You didn’t know that she was gone. She could be alive. She could. 

“You don’t know that,” you said, your voice thick. “You don’t…” 

“You barley survived,” he said softly. “You, the strongest fucking person I know and you damn near died. A teenager couldn’t have survived that, Baby, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry and…” 

“No,” you snapped, swallowing back your tears. “You don’t know, you don’t know them like I do…” 

“I do,” he cut you off. “Sweetheart, I am begging you, stay here. Please. Don’t get yourself killed, if it’s her we will find her as soon as it’s safe…” 

“You don’t know!” You pushed him back. He was costing you time, time you didn’t have. Savvy was out there, she was out there alone and afraid and you were going to find her. “Let me go, Joel. I know them, you don’t understand them, you can’t understand them…” 

“I understand them because I used to be one of them!” 

You froze. He was watching you, his eyes wide and desperate as he panted for breath. Your heart was pounding, there was a high pitched whine in your ears, something like a siren or when you first came to Jackson and could hear the electricity in the walls. 

“What?” You whispered, suddenly keenly aware of how close he was to you, of his hand on you. You could feel the outline of his fingers, each individual callus distinct against your skin. 

“I used to be one,” he said softly. “A… a raider, I used to be one. It was a long time ago but I know how they think, I know how they operate and… I’m sorry but if they’ve had her for three and a half years? She’s gone, Sweetheart. There’s nothing left for you to save…” 

You thought Joel was still talking but you couldn’t hear him. It was like you’d just jumped into deep water, the cold of it shocking and painful and the rush of it drowning out everything you knew. You couldn’t hear, couldn’t breathe, could barely see. 

Joel. Your Joel, the person you trusted more than any other, was a raider. He was like them, like the men who had torn you away from your daughter, who had raped you, who had tortured you, who now might be doing the same to your child right now and Joel knew them because he was like them because he had done those things, too. 

“Don’t touch me.” 

You were suddenly in your body again, out of that deep dark water and back in your house. Joel’s hands were on you and it was like they were on fire, you could feel it through your skin into your muscle, your bone, down into the marrow of you it hurt where his hands were on you. 

“Baby,” he said gently and you forced yourself to look at his face. You couldn’t breathe. You’d kissed him, told him things you’d never told anyone, all but begged him to touch you and he was just like them. 

“Don’t touch me!” You screamed it and he ripped his hands away like you’d burned him. You could breathe again and gulped in air, reaching for the back of your couch. You needed something to keep you standing, you felt like you were going to collapse or throw up. Joel’s hands were up, like he was waiting to catch you if you fell. “Don’t touch me, don’t you fucking touch me!” 

“You’re OK,” he said, keeping his hands off of you but stepping closer. “I’ve got you, you’re OK…” 

“Get away from me!” You backed away from him, looking for the best way out of here. You had to get away from him, he wasn’t safe, he was just like them and you had to get away from him, you couldn’t be anywhere near him. “Get away!” 

You said it again and again and again and you kept backing away from him until you were pressed against the wall. Joel stayed where he was and, when you were able to look at him again, it looked like he was in pain. 

“I’m away,” he said softly, his hands up. “Not gonna touch you, Sweetheart…” 

“Don’t call me that,” you were sobbing and you weren’t sure when you’d started. 

“What?” He whispered. 

“Don’t fucking call me that!” You bit out, staying back against the wall. He was so big, he could overpower you, he could hurt you, it would be easy for him. “Don’t call me that, not when you’re like them, you’re just like them, I trusted you and you’re just like them…” 

“No,” he shook his head, voice thick. He closed the gap between you quickly and you shocked back from him but he didn’t seem to notice, taking you in his arms and clutching onto you. But his touch made your skin crawl, everywhere his body was against your own screaming in panic. “No, not like that, I never… I never did what they did to you, Sweetheart, please, you have to believe me, I never did that, never. I just…” 

“I trusted you!” You sobbed, your legs collapsing from beneath you. Joel clung to you, keeping you from falling to the floor, but you hated his hands on you, suddenly feeling like hands you’d hated so much. You twisted and fought to get away but he just held onto you. “I trusted you, you made me love you, I let you inside of me and you’re like them, you’re just like them…” 

“I’m sorry, Baby,” his voice was thick and wet. “I’m so sorry, I wish I could take it back, wish I could change it…” 

You managed to firmly plant your feet on the ground and you shoved against his broad, firm chest, desperate for distance from him. 

“Don’t fucking touch me!” 

He let you go and you scrambled back from him, fighting to breathe. He was looking at you, tears in his eyes. 

“Baby, please,” he whispered. “Please just… let me take care of you, I understand what…” 

“I don’t want anything to do with you,” your voice shook. 

“Bambi…” 

“Get out,” you managed. 

He said your name. Your real name. 

“Get out!” You screamed, so loud and harsh you felt it ripping out of you. “Get out of here, get away from me, get out!” 

“I’ll go!” He kept his hands up. “Just gotta promise me…” 

“I don’t gotta do shit for you,” you shook your head. 

“Promise me you won’t do anything that will get you hurt,” he said softly, He was crying, too. “Please, I’m begging you, I’ll do whatever you want just promise….” 

“I won’t, now get out!” You yelled. “Get out, get away from me!” 

“I’m going,” he said quickly. “Please… Please, be safe, please.” 

You watched as he made his way to your door but he stopped and looked back at you. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “For… for all of it, I’m so sorry.” 

He closed the door behind him and you collapsed to the ground and sobbed, clutching onto yourself like it was going to keep your body intact but it still felt like you were going to shatter into a million pieces and there would be no one to help put you together again. 

You weren’t sure how long you were there on the floor but, eventually, you were able to make yourself move again. 

You thought of Savvy, of your daughter, of where she might be, of how you’d promised to keep her safe. You got up off the floor, body numb, and grabbed your pack before going out into the snow. 

Next Chapter

A/N: Alright, yell at me. I'm ready for it.

There's a lot in this chapter, I know. It's long, it's rough, it's been coming for a while. We first got a hint of Savvy in chapter 4 when Bambi thought about Joel's possible relationship to Ellie and she's been hinted at regularly since. She's why Bambi knew to use ginger to help William's teething, she's why Bambi was specifically grateful to have another adult around when Marisa showed up, she's why Bambi keeps searching every time there's even a hint of raider activity.

And after everything she's been through, she can't just blindly accept Joel's past, that's way WAY too much for anyone who's survived what she has to bear.

I hope this didn't come completely out of the blue and I hope you're still up for reading more of this story. I hope it'll be worth it in the end. I think it will be.

Thank you for being here. This is a story that I feel like deserves to be told, even the dark parts of it, and I'm so thankful you're along for the ride. Love you ❤️

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123

[lemotmo]

Okay I'm going to partially tell on myself. I am new, as in the Buck/T kiss showed up all over my dash, as did all of Oliver's interviews and I just thought he was the yummiest most delightful human being I had ever seen and heard (my god is accent is heaven) new. And I thought that first kiss was really well done. It was a great scene. Now, that being said, I didn'twant to jump into a show that was seven seasons into the story with zero context, except the stuff I had been seeing on my dash for years. So I started from the beginning, with the full intent and excitement of getting to T in season 7. Imagine my surprise when he popped up occasionally in earlier seasons. His only good part was when we were supposed to believe that Chim could lift him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, haha. That was great.

Anyway by the time I made it to season 7, it was too late. I had just watched 5 seasons of Buck and Eddie. There was zero room for T to compete on any level. Which is why the behavior of some is so confusing to me. Let me say first that I do not think the show always intended to put Buck and Eddie together, I don't think that's been the intention since the beginning. There is however a very good case to make that Eddie's introduction was Buck's actual Bi bell ringing moment though (*what a man plays in the background*). I do however agree that the writing has trended, increasingly so, in that direction. The writers do not hold all the blame however, Oliver and Ryan have kind of acted them into a corner. There are several scenes, multiple scenes, where the acting choices the two of them made were interesting, to say the least (looking at you 'go for the title' kitchen scene I love. Buck was flirting on every possible level in that scene).

Sorry, I got off track, back to my point. The people like me, who came in after the kiss popped up everywhere, being all in on T is somewhat fine. The problem would be the ones who are deliberately refusing to go back and watch the entire series before pontificating on B/T being destiny and all that other nonsense. There is an argument to be made that they're avoiding it because they know most of the history dismantles their current ship fixation. So as a result those people can be easily dismissed because they have zero context to any of their opinions. The ones who were with you all for 5 seasons though, yes I've seen their posts, who lost their shit over 2 pairs of lips touching, is what I cannot wrap my brain around. I completely understand the excitement behind that first kiss. It was a much anticipated moment for BUCK. He was the important person in that scene.

But confusing, or deliberately misinterpreting, Buck's revelation and sigh of relief at finally figuring out something pretty significant about himself, as being about him finding T is a gymnastics act I did not expect to see from so many long haulers. I mean, it should be obvious but T wasn't important in that scene. His gender was what was important. Which is why they have barely bothered to show him since that episode. And the interactions they have shown, minus the hospital kiss, that they made sure to show Eddie's reaction to btw, have all been red flag scenes. Little things that show this relationship isn't really that different from his previous relationships. Buck may have figured out the gender part but he's still making the same relationship mistakes. It's why the few scenes they've had together, and it's the bare minimum of effort, have been about Buck trying to initiate some level of communication and emotional connection and him being dismissed or having it turned into a daddy kink joke. I also think Oliver's enthusiasm dipped drastically by the end and it showed.

Which brings me to Eddie. The show, and more so, Oliver and Ryan have already done the hard part. The emotional connection, which is way more difficult to pull off than a physical connection, is already there. Their chemistry is already established.They're partners in every way but physically. As a result it is not a huge character leap to eventually bring a physical relationship into it as well. That will not be a shocking character development for either character. It goes back to the way the two have been written and they way Oliver and Ryan have interrupted those scenes. I won't touch their interviews because I think it's pretty clear, at this point, they seem to agree it's the way to go. There's more story to explore with them learning how to navigate an actual relationship than there is in bringing in other, lesser characters, to firstly try to compete with that connection, and then try to establish endgame status. I don't know. It's not about any two pairs of lips touching it's about the right two pairs of lips touching. Because when it's the right couple the characters get that sigh and exhale of finally! But the audience gets their sigh and exhale of finally as well. That is the point.

Sorry this got looooong 🤣

Ooooh Nonny, you speak right to my heart.

First of all, thank you for going back all the way to season 1 to actually sit down and watch the show. We aren't just making up Buddie. It has been there since the beginning. I'm so glad you got to witness their beautiful history together and that you realised just how right they are for each other.

I can't speak for the people who suddenly turned 180° and dropped Buddie for BT. I have been shipping Buddie from season 2, so I don't understand their reasoning or motivation either. It like you said so beautifully:

"It's not about any two pairs of lips touching. It's about the right two pairs of lips touching."

And that is what it comes down to. We can be content with a lackluster, meaningless relationship for queer rep. Or we can be exhilerated with an amazingly complex and years in the making relationship, which will be so much better for queer rep. It will be revolutionary in so many ways to make a slow burn queer ship canon.

(Before anyone comes at me for talking about queer rep. I have slowly been figuring myself out over the last couple of years and, looking back at my life and relationships, I've come to realise that I definitely belong somewhere on the ace spectrum. Not sure where exactly, I'm still searching for the right label, but it feels right to me. This is actually the first time I said this on a public forum for people to read. Kinda scary to be honest.)

I know what I would choose for myself if I was faced with these two options. Why wouldn't we automatically choose this for Buck and Eddie as well? It's mind-boggling really.

So yeah: queer Eddie and Buddie canon in season 8! All the way!

Don't apologise for your great post. I loved reading it. Feel welcome to drop in whenever you want. :)

[theirishwolfhound]

A Heart of Gold In a Sea of Green: The Synopsis

Heyo! I'm making this post just so I can get ready to start posting on Tumblr as well as Ao3. My main reason is that I can add GIFs/images, music, and color code the dialog on here. With that being said, I'm still working on the imagery for my masterlist post and this is just to act in as the informational "chapter".

"Crow "Wolfhound" O'Neil had been a sergeant in a different troop, known as the WatchDogs, before joining Task Force 141 as an additional sniper, but mostly for his innate understanding of many terrains and the survival skills needed for them. Yet he mostly kept to himself when he joined up as he was still reeling from a recent loss of a loved one; he remained the calm, patient soldier he had always trained to be… despite joining what he could only call as the most chaotic gaggle of men he's ever met. He followed orders, never spoke back or questioned his fellow officers- he was loyal, just as his nickname implied. Though when asked about it he spoke only a simple phrase: "Gentle when stroked, Fierce when provoked" and left it at that."

The fic takes place around six months after Wolfhound transferred into Task Force 141 from the Watchdogs and focuses on him finally putting in the effort to improve his mental state after he lost his fiancé: Malakai Harper. As well as focusing on improving his relationships with his fellow operators: Price, Gaz, Ghost, and Soap— who are already in a polyamorous relationship.

There is a lot of fraternization that goes on, it's not meant to be a serious down to code/law type of fic— I literally only wrote this because I love the characters and wanted to try writing a fanfiction for the first time. I will also put the other warnings in under this indent, as well as a put the proper warnings before the start of every chapter. Also fair warning: Most Chapters are Long Reads (potentially up to 15k+ type deal).

Below is the first thing on the Ao3 fic, just to give an understanding into Crow's background:

Crow Nevan O'Neil was born in Galway, Ireland and lived there for most of his life. He is currently twenty-seven and has been in the British military for seven years. Previously he was a Forest Ranger at the Wicklow Mountains National Park in Ireland and has visited other places to get the experience of working in different terrains.

He was born into a Catholic family and still holds those beliefs to this day, but does not talk about it with others- just as he keeps his gender identity and sexuality under close wraps. The only person that knows he is transgender would be Captain Price and he was given the accommodation of a private shower to make his time a bit easier on base. He only wears long sleeved shirts and pants to keep a more conservative look, though it was mostly to hide his tattoos so that no one asks him any questions about them- he may be social but not when it comes to speaking, he's a listener not the speaker.

Crow got his nickname "Wolfhound" mainly because he is Irish- but also because his old troop thought it was funny that a 165cm (5'5") man who barely weighs 81kg (180lbs) soaking wet can be called something in relation to a huge dog. He has hazel eyes, many many freckles, and curly reddish brown hair- the pinnacle of Irish stereotypes minus the anger and drinking, but by god does he have the accent of a man who sounds like he is fresh from Dublin. His actual callsign is Foxtrot Four.

He was engaged to a Lieutenant form his previous troop named Malakai Harper, but after his death Crow was looking for any chance to have a fresh start with a new team- and luckily he was given the chance to join Task Force 141 as their third sergeant. He knew very little about the other operators, but that meant they knew nothing of him.

Now time for lists and links:

Ao3

Playlist

Crow's Reference Sheet (Will Be Redone Eventually)

[pokemonxhyperfixation]

Happy Cirno day lads/lass/more conversationally gender neutral form of lad (which i use gender neutrally normally but I recognize that is probably odd)!

I don’t really put much thought into Cirno ever, so instead I’ll be posting a headcanon for all of EoSD's cast (minus Meiling, I've run out of head canons about her to share), and also include the shit head idiot OC fairies of mine for fun. Actual post bellow cut.

Rumia: In my head, Rumia is a super spacey girly. Like, you (assuming you're someone she'd converse with) are having a conversation with her, and like half-way through, she just zones out and starts blankly staring off into space. She's also a fair bit smarter than she presents, but she may or may not be concussed like half the time due to blindly flying into trees and buildings. These two were not meant to be related, but might actually be in heinsight...

Daiyousei: I established in an earlier post that I believe Dai to be deaf and mute (can't hear or talk, I really hope mute isn't an offensive term...), but I actually have more thoughts on Dai (and other great fairies). Starting with actual Great Fairy HCs, all great fairies are larger, smarter, and have more developed brains (hovering around late teen to young adult stages of development, with Dai being on the lower end of that scale). Despite all this however, great fairies are typically still largely the same in behavior to normal fairies, and are not necissarily more powerful either. Oh, and as for Dai specific headcanons, she's chummy with Rumia and Mystia (despite neither actually knowing sign language), and is unfortunately usually the one to take responsibility for Cirno's fuckery.

CIRNO: It is her day, so I'll be sharing more for her than anyone else. For one thing, In my head Cirno is actually on the higher end of height when compared to other normal fairies (Hell and Great Fairies are larger than normal). She's also HELLA protective of Dai (which I think I said before, but it bares repeating), and WILL attack you if you make Dai feel any even remotely negative emotion. In my head, Cirno is somehow both a social butterfly who revels in the company of others, and is COMPLETELY socially inept. Like, to the point of starting fights on accident by mispeaking, or saying some right HEINOUS shit and not realizing how bad it is. She considers both Letty and Yuuka equally her mom, despite basically being completely unrelated to either. Both are quite fond of this, tho Letty more so just due to her enjoying the company more.

Koakuma: she's french.

Patchouli: Patchi has basically dumb lucked herself into a weird polycule adjacent thing with Alice (who she's like, actually dating) and Koakuma (who is super affectionate and wanting of affection). How someone who smells of mold and shitty beer can pull not one but TWO ladies, IDK. (Also Patchi is somehow immune to the affects of alcohol. So she's the SDM's designated driver.)

Sakuya: I subscibe to the fan theory that Sakuya was a Vampire hunter before the SDM. Short version of my HC Sakuya backstory is basically that she's of japanese blood but somehow became an English (Remi and Flan are Scottish in my head, blame Slayyer Guilty Gear) orphan. She was then taken in by vampire hunters, sent to deal with "vampire in south scottland" and failed misserably. Only survived because Remi is soft.

Remilia: As said prior, Remi is from Scottland in my head (again, blame Slayyer). While Remi is an adult in my mind, she's not a super mature adult (think early to mid 20s and brought up in a stupidly upper class family). While she does have a childish streak, she's pretty good at covering for it. While her staple outfit in the games and such is her prefered outfit, she'll switch into a suit if she has to do hand to hand combat.

Flandre: Flan is also Scottish, tho unlike Remi she's mostly lost the accent. I remember seeing a Headcanon somewhere that Flan's wings are the way they are because she accidentally destroyed them in the past and then bejeweled what remained, and I subscibe to that idea. Flan doesn't do much, but she did manage to smuggle a TV, cable, and a PS 1 into Gensokyo with her! She's since upgraded to a fire TV and a PS 2. She also got a Playstation 3 specifically to play Uncharted 3 (no, she has not played the first 2).

I have 5 Fairy OCs, all of which work for the SDM, but have only really characterized two of them, so you're only getting three.

Silver: She's the reason I said three. Haven't characterized her too much but there is enough to say. First up, she's a great fairy. Black Hair with glasses. She's the closest thing to a responsible fairy maid, though that really isn't saying much. She originates from Mystia's Izakaya actually, with this being the name I gave to the Fairy Maid Shopkeeper at the Hakurei Shrine. She's a Sakuya simp. That's all I have for her.

Here she is in MC, doesn't have the glasses but Fairy Maids don't have a skin with glasses so this is as close as it gets. Let's just assume Kiwi broke them or something.

Kiwi: A green haired fairy maid. She originates from my Zooge world in minecraft actually, being one of the fairy maids I have in an "exhibit" (it's just a big house people can walk into). She's a little clumsy lass, who's prone to making mistakes. She's trying her best tho. Would you believe if I said that, despite her name, she is deathly allergic to kiwis? Because she is.

Here she is in MC! Not the hair she's meant to have, but I had a peaceful mode incident (fairies are hostile mobs) and couldn't get the right hair style, which I forgot what as at this point. Ignore the blue bitch in the BG, she's one of the one's I'm not talking about.

Finally Frilly! A fairy maid with long, light brown hair. Just like Silver, her origins lie in Mystia's with her being the fairy that sells you alcohol outside the SDM in that game (I named Frilly before Silver btw). She's a relatively quiet type, not super chatty or sociable but will hold up a conversation. She's also really good at sneaking out. The catch is that she's super injury prone. She get's herself hurt alot.

Here she is in MC. Like Silver, not super accurate but I'm pretty sure the mod she's from doesn't even have fairies with the right hair color so oh well.

[thewritingginger]

;) Alphabet - Takashi Mitsuya

Some spicy husband to end the week :)

Fandom: Tokyo Revengers Letters: T, A, K, S, H, I Warnings: 18+, Mentions of sex

Enjoy ~

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Yes, a few

He owns a vibrator, he really likes to use before and during sex

If he’s feeling particularly playful he may restrain your wrists and tease your body with the vibrator—moving it up and down your naked torso, over your nipples and down between your legs, making sure to spark all your nerves till you are a needy mess for him

I think he’d have a few sensory / sensory deprivation toys

Such as; blindfold, soft restraints, a feather or soft flog that he more or less trails over your body then maybe sprinkles a few smacks with but nothing too hard, he’d rather save that for something else 😉

I think Mitsuya would be down to use them either way—he really just wants him and his partner to enjoy themselves

I could see him into you restraining him from time to time as well with a vibrating cockring on him as you soft caress his body

I think he enjoys a good tease in any sense of the work

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

✨ SOFT ✨

He’ll kiss any part of you that he can reach, usually your neck and shoulder as the two of you cool down before he pulls out

Depending on the night he might lay in his back or side and pull your naked body close to his and just lay there stroking your hair and back with his face buried in your hair or your neck/chest

Or he might run the two of you a bath to soak in together or if you’re too tired for that he’ll bring you a warm cloth and help clean you up—all the while kissing and worshiping your body 🥺

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Lingerie

I feel like this one is an obvious one, no?!

Mitsuya really enjoys on his free time making his partner things he think would suit them and that isn’t just limited to things everyone has the pleasure of seeing

He enjoys making different kinds of sexy pieces for you, playing with different colors, fabrics and styles

And he’ll always request a private fashion show of you wear them for him

You are his favorite model after all 😏

Light Bondage / Shibari

Likes to use satin ribbons to restrain your hands and sometimes feet

Maybe even a cute harness to tie your arms behind your back 

It’s never anything too intense

I think he’d like shibari cuz its like another form of art

Much like the lingerie, he thinks you are generally stunning and the most beautiful thing he's ever seen so adding accents to your body is really appealing to him

Sensory Deprivation

Alongside the ribbons he likes to blind fold you from time to time—he can get down with it to him too 😉

He does this when he’s feeling particularly teasing and wants to make you tick

He’ll even put earbuds in your ears so you can’t hear him or what he’s pulling out to use on you next

Feathers, soft flogs and warm oils are additions he likes to play with

He usually keeps it pretty soft & sensual, unless his partner asks for more

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Depending on the night and the libido he’s working with anywhere b/w 1-3 rounds

1 being average

3 being really rowdy and energetic

Average round length is about 30-40 minutes, including foreplay

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Likes to keep himself trimmed overall, not just below the belt

He’ll shave his face maybe a couple times a week to keep up with the sparse hair he can grow on his chin and upper lip

Regardless of his relationship status he likes to manscape –he just prefers the look of his pubic hair trimmed over letting it grow out too much

His pubic hair is a patch of well trimmed lilac curls 

His chest isn't very hairy, minus a few strays he may get but he’ll just pluck them as he sees them  

Overall i think Mitsuya takes pride in his appearance and not just for the pleasure of his partner but for himself

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Mutsuya is a love maker

Don’t get it twisted he still fucks

But he really enjoys going slow and taking his time with his partner

He truly is one to always make you feel wanted and not just on special occasions

There might be a day you walk into your shared home and there candles lit and soft music playing

I can see him being into giving his partner a full body massage with hot oils and lingering caresses

He just strikes me as a very sensual man tbh

Hope you enjoyed that!

💛 ~

~ Masterlist ~

[twstreverie]

hii!! I just saw your wingman post and I absolutely loved it! Do you think you could do headcanons of MC asking a few characters to go with them during winter break so they're not alone? You can choose who you write for! Please and thank you!!

thanks! these three came to mind. I apologize in advance if there’s any mistakes!

requests are open!

epel felmier

he would love to have you come to his hometown and meet his family, epel knows that they certainly wouldn’t have any problem having you over for the winter break. he would feel bad too if he had to spend it all alone up in ramshackle… minus those ghosts. but he’s eagerly dragging you with him, he is quite proud of his hometown too!

his grandmother adores you so much, she’s pleasantly surprised to see you come along with him. epel will get pretty embarrassed sometimes but seeing her happy with you is special to him! also, it’s really funny to see his country accent slip out way more often than what you’re used to hearing when he heard you laughing once when he started heavily speaking it when upset about something, he kinda forgot you’re not used to it and was like ??

epel wants to show you everywhere and try there baked goods and foods!! much like the event. and listen to their music, see his family, and pick apples. he’ll stay up late with you too just chatting, though you’ll have to make him begrudgingly do a quick skincare routine vil would scold him for not doing once he returns to nrc haha.

from what we’ve seen from his hometowns event that place is definitely an incredibly fun place to be for the winter. there’s always something to do there inside and outside with epel, he’ll happily do them with you too.

deuce spade

deuce feels bad for you… I mean considering your situation you don’t really have a family to spend it with and everyone’s basically gone. it wouldn’t really take any kinda convincing to get him to bring you along with him. he shows and walks around his hometown with you — just probably off getting groceries together for his mom, even just doing something like that with him can be enjoyable!

he lives with only his mother and grandma I believe, anyway. he has wrote and told them a lot about you too! though he would be way to embarrassed to tell you that. like his mother doesn’t tell you eventually, she is just beyond overjoyed to hear and see that deuce has someone like you, that he’s adjusting well at nrc!

I’d think he has a very small family like I said, consisting from what I know his grandmother and mom but they’re very close and very special to him. he hopes that they like you as much as he does, which of course they do! his grandmother is pinching your cheeks and his mom is showing you old photos of his childhood so you saw his delinquent days and teased him for it.

trey clover

I feel like he would actually be super understanding and see no reason why you couldn’t come with him, it’s sweet considering what you’ve been through so far at nrc haha. don’t feel bad because he’ll be all reassuring like “hey, don’t sweat it.” or a “don’t worry my family wouldn’t mind at all.”

you’re gonna be eating so much sweets over at his family’s home, especially since it’s the holidays and stuff. but it’s still very homey and cozy there over the winter it’ll feel so comfortable there. trey will offer to have you help bake too if you enjoy it. you also might happen to see chenya once or twice swing by, I feel like riddle may once as well so you can offer them your goodies hehe

he’s going to be helping out his family too and baking goods to sell for his family’s bakery so if you’re wanting and willing to help he would love it. you two could spend a lot of your time talking and laughing while baking together.

you’ll also get to see him and how he acts around his younger siblings it’s the sweetest. like letting his little brother do the easy things like stir the batter or just let him lick the spoon. they’ll definitely be all over you too. they’ll practically be begging trey to bring you back again by the end of break!

[themichigami]

Annoying Spoilers from people and thoughts on Gambit (aka Chanbit)

I've waited long enough, so here we go. Sooo, one of my friends calls me their resident hillbilly translator, any time someone has an american accent usually southern they can't figure out they send me a link and ask me to translate. TWO DAYS before the new deadpool movie is out in theaters here, they message me with a link to a thing all desperately "Miche, Miche, what is he saying?!?" and stupidly i clicked it not knowing... and THIS WAS HOW I FOUND OUT ABOUT GAMBIT BEFORE I WENT TO SEE THE MOVIE!

Let me tell you, i have never been more in a state between utter rage and screeching glee and yet both at the same time in my life. The things they heard from me about it before being put on the "we're not speaking til i'm less mad at you" list have not left a miche's mouth in a long time. And yes, i could translate for em, but did i? no.

Did i secretly rewatch that clip to death til it got removed from twitter before going to the movie myself? mayyyyybe.

First off, I do not find Channing Tatum attractive, he looks like my dad, no really. If you find him attractive, good for you, you probably have the same taste in guys as my mom, which is awesome for you but not my thing. That said, i giggled like an idiot with a giant grin every time even in the theater because he actually managed to finally live his dream and get in the costume after a couple decades of trying, and do a decent job of it onscreen.

Also, yes, I'm annoyed about the eyes. Everything else, good, the eyes, minus fifty points, maybe more. Didn't even need full sclerals just some red lenses, full scleral contacts i'd forgive em not using because I've known enough cosplayers who have trouble with em after long hours, just... they used the Diable Blanc nickname but didn't give him his eyes which was the reason he had the nickname. adding the teeny tiny glow to em using the powers, okay you tried but no star sticker.

The accent, having known a couple people from down that way over the years, yeah not bad that's a damn hard accent to do and it varies all over the place so no one accent covers, could be worse. People are so used to the cartoon version's deliberately fake so that it's easier to understand accent that any attempt at the real thing which is hard as hell to understand already to other people sounds weird, and they were playing it up to be worse for the joke in the movie.

Also, for those who don't know the ancient lore, at one point during the original 90's cartoon casting, they GOT someone with an actual Cajun accent to read for Gambit in the beginning, then decided kids and casual viewers wouldn't be able to understand it so they had another actor IMITATE a watered-down easier-to-understand version of his accent for a test, and decided to go with that idea instead when they cast the final actor.

Buuut, long post is long, so I'll sum up by saying, he may not be the best but he did decent, and i'm slowly no longer ignoring the friend who was a dumbass and spoiled it for me. Also, no, I am not from the south, but get used as the weird accent translator because i am originally from so far deep in the mountains of Appalachia that i had to have several years of speech classes to get rid of the worst of the hillbilly noises i myself made. I still slip once in a while when tired or distracted, but the "city voice" has been in place for around 25/30 years now. One of my first college roommates actually called me Gambit because of it for a few months before i managed to get them to realize I considered it really rude since i was actively trying to hide my own accent at the time. (might also partially have been the fondness for wearing a brown trench coat and bike gloves for most of the late 90's at fault there too)

[s0lar-ch3ri]

yippee new pinned

yeah, ik, a new pin? but the other one felt too fucking long for me okay??

also its my blog so yeah anyways:

(image id: a banner with a purple background and gold accents. in the middle is big yellow text that reads "This user was apart of the July-RWI 6th RPF event." END id.)

(image id: a banner with flowers and white accents surrounding it. in the middle is bright pink text that reads "This user was apart of the July-RWI 2st RP event." below in smaller white glowing text reads "THIS BANNER WAS MADE BY @/S0LAR-CH3RI ON TUMBLR" END id.) (the slash is not there in image, i am making sure it doesnt tag me)

hey there, im the sapphic bigender slut running this blog! i use any pronouns, though i prefer he/her/it/sol (this can change so yeagh lmao). i like dogs and have some ill talk about, but im mostly a blog about writing and ramblers (with some art posts mixed in, youll know where to find them below soon)

if you want more info on the blog, check out this carrd! (and if you want to know what my past 2 old pinned posts looked like...)

-link to the 2nd or the one before this one -link to the 1st or the first of them all

i run a shit ton of rp blogs. like A LOT of absurb ones. luckily, one of my rp blogs (@oncewaskas) has a full list of the others and shit in their pin! also my friend muffin has a big big fucking rp blog list go check it out rn its so big and cool also check xem out please please please please please please they need more attention xeyre so so cool JUST RAHHHHHHHHH

(update on the thing above: heres a link to the post with all of my blogs, not just jrwi non-oc blogs)

now for tags (do be warned, there is A LOT.) (for fun im putting in parenthesizes all the refs the tags has if theres any) (also ive tried seperating them into categories where they match and shit): -

#not my usual content = might be more serious, just something i dont normally talk about (example: something that happened to me) #silli promo = im probs promoing my fics or smth #chilling in solar lights = just talking lol (sun reference) #op is not okay lmao = mostly on my older posts, im just going batshit insane bout smth - #cheri's insane again = theories >:) [i have several theory tags, this is for the more crazy/out there theories, example being my hair thief theory] #theories with cheri = like GTMTMP (game theory minus the mat pat) but for series i watch instead [also for the lesser crazier and more tame and/or plausible ones] #the rambler. = character/interest rambles

#the hair thief theory... = a theory i made a while ago that somehow got more insane as i researched - #cherry's fruity art basket = posting my own original art (like a fruit basket, also a lot of my characters are gay so yeah) #cheri's art findings = reblogging other peoples art, whatever form it may take (like fruit findings, another basket thing) #the (genderneutral) sons of this solar sun =talking about my ocs (i use gendered words ungendered, sun reference) #the bright smoothie of words = my writings (light and sun ref) #prepping for the shiney smoothie = talking about my writing and possibly also art (my writing tag is about a smoothie) - #the generator is back :) = ive used the trauma generator i found to meme something - #kingdoms of chaos = my old dnd campaign i played AND my first ever! (name of campaign) #in space chaos = the dnd campaign i curently am in, probs will talk about it saterdays (when its staerday here i mean) cause thats our campaign days (play on the name "kingdoms of chaos", if the campaign does get an actual name then im fucked lmao) #the chaos plans = a dnd campaign i wanna set up and dm for friends {wont be posrting this one much as 2 people who i want playing the campaign are on tumblr. unless they block tags then i cant do shit} (name play for "kingdoms of chaos") #gnashing teeth baby <3 = another campaign im in, probs gonna talk about this one the most (name of campaign is gnashing teeth, in reference to "WELCOME BACK TO JUST ROLL WITH IT BABY", "[insert thing here] my beloved <3") - #the pancake incident = the time i went crazy in comments to get a post to 10k notes (WE HAVE A LINK!! here it is for those unable to use the imbedded ones and what not: https://www.tumblr.com/b0nkcreat/730895614697766912/hello-everyone-i-would-just-post-the-image-here?source=share&ref=_tumblr) #ghe ersaer saga = the saga where i show off/talk about me fuckass erasers #the 2 birdies :) and gay se- = a tag for the stupid joke i have with my bud ev about the necklace with the fucking birds - #the autism is inspired?? = i found something that for whatever reason inspires me to write or whatever #just like a cool rock = like a cool rock, something interesting i found and must show the world #ohhhhhhhhhh me boobies saving for a03 = some actual writing advice thing ive found that im gonna save lol

-

#new info dropped for my brain = saving smth just cause rather then interesting #sending to the catagorized fan rays = saving fandom things (fan like fandom, rays like sun rays)

-

#*points at me* GAY = im experiencing immense attraction and you will comply (ref to how people point at others and call them gay for silly shit) - #the light in life = my dog has arrived (light and sun reference, you get it) #the fire of the sun = treasures, my dog for the tag above, brother (sun has fire) - #answers from the aster caster = ref to mythborne [a just roll with it oneshot] and a name i like, basically for asks lol

-

#a sun spirits dance. = for if im playing my sona or whateves lol

-

#jerwee supreme = a tag containing almost all my jrwi rambles (just roll with it in its shortened from is pronounced like jur-wee, weeb supreme is condis role in condicord which im in) #ghostly gazes into future eps = my fake transcripts, might be only pd but we'll see (reference to a line in a pd intro rap from will)

#the primed timing rambles = rambles about my littol au smiles

--

now with those out the way, i do have a mythborne related series im starting up, and you can suggest things i write! the way to do so is in the carrd i mentioned before. since i can, im mentioning those series now!

#the rats rise again! - the aforementioned series, will be drawn if requested (you can mention it on the form in like the complaints area lol) #game theory minus the matpat - i talked about it before, the carrd has all the info you need, yeah #Paranormal Callings (And How We Got You Out) - while i do wanna start it, to me it makes more sense drawn out in a comic like style, and id need to make a couple so i dont feel bad on leaving it out

--

heres mutual/friend/family tags:

#jrwi by non jrwi enjoyer = im talking to my non just roll with it friend on just roll with it [will be used for them in general, not just jrwi, its just mostly jrwi] #epic artist = im talking about my niece #silly billy goose = im talking about my cousin #SEXY MOTORCYCLE!!! = ive finally given into urges and started talking about my lovely (ex gf now friend) (a nickname for them based off an old tumblr post thing i dont remember) (not really used here any more) #piss dolphin mutual = a fun tumblr mutual i have on here (based off a fanfic line they wrote) #soup bubbles on the blr = another fun mutual i know (accidentally called them soup when their nickname was soap, soap has bubbles to it, reblogging their posts puts them on my tumblr dash so blr) #my enablerrrrrr = FELIS TIME YAYAYAYAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAYYY ("enabled" by them to do stupid shit like writing silly things) (i also write fanfics so yeah)

have a question? check the carrd or just ask lol okay bye

starting a collection of images because i can:

^ tags can be found on @/okcoolthanks i just dont have the energy to link post

[nucanitickles]

Dante Gets Got (Or Not) Drabble + Headcanons

Dante was an... interesting character. Arrogant, sure, and more than a bit boastful, but Eiden was sure something a little softer, a little sweeter, lurked beneath what could only be a cruel facade.

That being said, an attempt at attacking Dante may not really go so well...

So far, in terms of Eiden VS Clanmates, the score was 4-3. So while he was winning, his clanmates were a little too close to catching up for his liking. If he counted Morvay and Aster, it would be 6-3, but counting the familiars as clanmates just felt wrong. Even though they acted like clanmates, and enjoyed hanging out with everyone, they were very distinctly their own thing.

So 4-3 it was, and Eiden was attempting to bring a 5th victory to the table.

By attacking a literal king.

Hey, he never claimed he was smart.

"Danteeeee~" Eiden sidled up behind him, an obviously fake innocent grin plastered on his face. He draped himself over the man like an overly-affectionate cat, giggling as the man pulled a face. "How are you doooooing?~"

"Fine, until you showed up." Dante huffed, back slightly hunched in his seat as Eiden's weight pressed down upon him. "Will you release me? Or will I have to force the matter?"

"No fun." Eiden pouted, but clambered off him, allowing him to regain his impeccable posture and raise an eyebrow. "I suppose I shall go have fun elsewhere." He put on a fake accent, mimicking Dante's way of speaking and assuming a haughty stance. "As my presence is so offensive."

Dante's eyebrows creased in confusion, before realisation dawned on his face that he was being teased. His eyebrow raised yet again, a small smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. Ok, this was how it was going to be. "Very well then. Leave. I have business to attend to."

Eiden huffed, but accepted defeat willingly. Clearly Dante had more important stuff to do, and he could attack him later... As he turned to leave, still playfully haughty to show that he wasn't really upset (God forbid some of his more... protective clanmates think Dante hurt him), he yelped as a strong arm pulled him back, falling into the king's lap and looking up into a smirking face.

"No fun, eh? I'll show you fun."

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

❤️ Ok with Dante I haven't actually hit his part of the storyline yet? Shocking I know. Considering I've been playing for months this should be a travesty but I did have many breaks so honestly idek.

❤️ Anyway I'm a little iffy with his personalisation (obviously) and for now with what I've got to work with I think this guy is mostly a ler? Like you can definitely get him, he can be a lee, but at the same time he prefers to ler.

❤️ As a lee I can imagine this guy is the hardest fighter. Throws kicks, punches, elbows and knees until his ler is bruised to hell and back. You need an Olivine on hand to heal you after getting Dante. I imagine his laugh would be very attractive - one of those laughs that is deep and silky smooth and it's like how tf do you not even slightly screech scream or snort tf? Literally stereotypical sexy muscle dude laugh. Minus the leg muscle lmao

❤️ Probably the kind to cuss you out between laughter. Also the kind to violently sulk after getting got.

❤️ As a ler I imagine he would be mostly the punishment tickler. You know the kind, wait for any kind of infraction before offering 'punishment'. Usually lectures his lee on why what they did was wrong and that he would graciously wait for an apology. Will then pretend he can't understand his lee when they say sorry.

❤️ I can imagine him being slightly more playful, but I think you'd have to be really close to him to do that and I think he probably has a hard time letting people in? Either way it's a while before anyone can even reach that side of Dante.

[m323200]

3x02: Halloween III: Season of the Pranks

I enjoyed writing this part, to me it felt funny

———

As it was Halloween day, we all hated this day because Claire and Mitchell sorta have a thing where they prank each other all day long. Then when it's the end of the day, they go overboard. They always go overboard.

Claire had planned that me, Jay, Lily, Manny, and Alex help her with the prank. She said we are the smartest ones. However, Mitchell had the same planned, he had  Luke, Gloria, Haley, Cam, and Phil on his team. I could tell why we are smart and they are...anyways it's now the night of Halloween. "Team Claire", I guess that's what Claire is calling us, she made us dressed like we were kidnappers, we all were wearing dark color outfits. 

I looked cute because I just had a haircut, I looked amazing. Luke told me they were dressed up as characters from Star Wars.

As we gathered in Claire's living room, adorned in our dark-colored outfits, the atmosphere was charged with anticipation. "Alright, team," Claire said, her voice low but determined. "Tonight, we show Mitchell what we're made of. Let's make these pranks ones he'll never forget." 

Jay, Lily, Manny, Alex, and I exchanged knowing glances, our resolve solidified by Claire's words. "Is this an option to do?", Manny said but before he said more Claire interrupted him, "Was, but not anymore.". We were in this together with no option. Claire said, "Failure was not an option. If you fail you shall clean the toilet with your toothbrush.". With a forced nod of agreement, we set off into the night, our mission clear: to prank Mitchell with all the creativity and cunning we could muster. 

As we prowled the streets, our disguises rendering us virtually invisible in the darkness, the thrill of the chase coursed through my veins. We worked seamlessly as a team, executing each prank with precision and stealth. 

Lily and Manny toilet papered Mitchell's car, Claire, Alex, and Jay set up the fake spider webs on his doorstep. I was the lookout person. I told them, "He's coming, he's coming!", Claire said, "That'll be the last time he comes.", We all said, "Ew, Gross! Lily is right here!". 

We hide behind bushes to see his reaction, once he went to his car, "Oh come on! Seriously! Cam!" Once he headed to the doorstep, he screamed like a little girl. He yelled, "CLAIRE!". We all laughed and headed out the bushes. "Careful Uncle Mitch, you may have to web it!", Alex said. "Good one honey!", Claire responded. 

"I already did.", Mitchell said. He pulled out a nerf gun and hit the target which was water. We all screamed. "Why is it warm?", Lily said. I told them we don't need to worry about that. We ran away.

"What the hell was that! You said he wouldn't have the guts to prank us back!!" Jay yelled! "I don't know! I guess he stepped up!" Claire responded. "Well we need to step up more I guess. Any ideas?" Alex says. "What's the thing that he's afraid of?" I said. Claire look at me with a smiling expression.

We headed to Jay and Gloria's house for the prank because we knew that Mitchell would suspect something if it's all quiet at the house so it's best if we do it here. We started setting up the inside of the Jay and Gloria's house. It looked creepy and scary.

Lily yelled, "SOMEONE'S COMING!!". We all went in position. Everyone was dressed up as if they were dead. Lily was a perfect size and height. Me and Alex made her like Carrie, minus the blood on her, we added some fake scratches and bit of blood on her. She wore my dress I haven't worn since I was her age.

When the door opened, it was the others. "Hello, where is everybody..." Gloria yelled in her Colombian accent. "Must be abandoned...this is perfect!" Haley says with joy. Cam turns on the light and he screams like a goat. They all saw "dead bodies" of them. 

"AYY JAY!!", Gloria panicked. "Claire! Alex!!", Phil said with a heartbroken voice. A sound was made, they all looked up and it looked like blood. I fall down the stairs and Luke ran to me. "What happened!", he was concerned about me. I didn't feel guilty though, "She killed them all...we tried to trap her, she's not what we think she is...". I was covered with blood, like Carrie.

Lily came down the stairs. She was in a white dress with some fake blood, she also had some her face and hands. They all stepped back, Luke held me tight to him, they all panicked. Lily ran to the kitchen  and grabbed a knife. DON'T WORRY! WE REPLACED ALL THE KNIVES WITH REALISTIC FAKE PLASTIC ONES!!!

They all screamed, and I had to in order to not mess this up. We ran in the living room, we got cornered by her. "Your time is up...." Lily said creepily. They all screamed and a second later the lights went out. Claire and the others started to appear one by one by one. They all continued screaming. Lily "attacked" them all by one.

They all cried and screamed. They all fall to the floor and backed up as much as they can. Until the lights went back on, "Bravo!" I said. Alex clapped. Then Claire, she said, "Did you really think this was real?". "Thanks to Manny realistic art skills, Alex and Jay's plan for this, Claire's spooky scary addiction, me and Lily's acting skills, we pulled this off!" I said. "With a little of makeup and paint together, it makes match." Manny said.

"You sneaky little...I can't stay mad at you when you're so good at acting." Luke told me. I smiled then I kissed him. "Wait, so the blood upstairs, it's-". Gloria said then Alex told her "Fake, it's all fake." Cam got upset, "You almost gave me a heart attack that made me die and you know I don't like to die when I'm in homes." Phil hugged Claire, "I'm so glad that you're okay and this isn't real!". 

Haley told me, "You know Isabella, you surprised us, you shocked us, and you did great. You could be an actor." "You think so?", I told her, and she responded, "You got potential, I know some friends who are in the acting business. If you want, contact me.". We hugged each other. I got some fake blood on her clothes. We laughed, everybody laughed and cried.

Later that night, like LATE that night on 11:30 pm, I had gotten all the fake blood washed out, I was laying down on Luke's bed beside him. We were watching Scream 3, it was our favorite horror film. "Sorry I scared you tonight..." I said. "You had to, plus you're kinda like my mom which scares me a bit..." he nervously said and we both laughed. 

I spoke to him, "Thank you...I'm glad I have you...and I know you'll protect me...". "I'm your knight in shining armor, I'll do anything to protect you no matter what." he told me. That's one of the things I like about him, he'll make sure that nothing harms me whether it's physically or emotionally.

[frostedsketches]

Canterlot Midwives

Introducing the three midwives featured in my recent post Miracle. These are the lovely ladies that delivered Twilight's son Meteor Star, minus Dr Sternsaddle, who I will design and post about soon. They are co-workers and good friends through work, but that's not all they have to their characters. . .

Precious Pacifier, 25 is a earth pony of soft, sweet nature and tall, wide stature. She's a caring individual, endlessly kind and charitable, always loving to give a helping hoof, or a word of advice, and has a soft spot for young foals. Because of her strength and big hooves, she is a total klutz, which makes her self-conscious and awkward around others, she isn't shy but she does dread social interaction if it means she might make a mess of herself.

It is in helping expecting mothers and delivering foals where her confidence comes out, she thinks herself too clumsy to handle the actual baby part of her job as a midwife, but she'll be there to cheer a mother on and is in charge of watching out for the baby's head and determining what needs to be done at any point in the labor process.

Outside of work, she and her husband, a unicorn named Spector, are young newly-weds —at the time of Meteor's birth— and very happy together. Though Precious often finds herself not at all snooty enough, or even more, too big, for Canterlot, and she might be better suited to the countryside, the capital city has always been her home and she's not leaving it anytime soon. ( I obviously did not draw her quite big enough to be all that's stated above, but just pretend she's massive compared to the others, shhh )

Sweet Dreams, Age 29 is a unicorn of poise and elegance, and though she may seem a bit regal and imposing at first glance, she's really not an unpleasant or unapproachable pony. Quite the contrary, she's the type of pony that exudes peace and comfort to those in her care, her job being to soothe her patients, melt their worries away, make them comfortable, sometimes even to the point of lulling them to sleep, which is especially handy when dealing with her client's newborns. She's witty and has a silly side to her, the ladder of which comes out when faced with anything cute and cuddly, making her an amusing sight to see when she gets excited over being able to handle the foals in her care.

Dreams is also known for her tasteful fashion sense and ability to pull off just about anything. Her unusually long tail is praised, as having one is a lost unicorn trait that is rarely seen in Equestria these days and was once considered beautiful and a sign of good breeding. Her hooves aren't actually cloven as that's also a rarely seen trait, but she had a bit of carving done on them to give off a similar appearance, ( it's a more cartoonish version as opposed to deep cloves, as cutting deeper than the hoof wall can be painful and damaging to the inner parts of one's hoof ) so she needs to get them redone every so often. She is also married and has been so since she was twenty-two.

Her husband is also a unicorn, a soldier for the Royal Guard, named Well Wish, and they have a three-year-old daughter called Valentine. Oh, she's also the older sister of Fond Feather ( Featherbang's purple fan girl ) and Dear Darling is their cousin. Their parents fostered Darling, who was close in age with Fond, so Fond and Darling were always closer to each other than they were with Sweet Dreams who was much older, and because of this, the two sisters are nearly estranged today.

Soft Hoof, 30 is a unicorn with a more quiet approach to things. She has a thick Prench accent and is hard to understand, because of her dialect as well as her strange more philosophical way of wording her sentences. She is the one that handles foals the most, her name implying her gentle touch, and graceful care. She's well versed in caring for foals and highly trusted. She being hard to communicate with isn't much part of helping with the mothers and their wellbeing, but will help with the foals and direct mothers on anything about caring for them that they might be unsure of or clueless about.

Her hair was once completely blue, but she started going white early, a trait she accepts whole-heartedly. She prefers her hair how it is now, as it gives her a more unique appearance from her mother, who she was once identical to and whom she has a complicated relationship with, one more negative than not.

Softie, unlike her co-workers, is unmarried, child-free, and content with both, her job giving her all the fulfillment and precious baby love she requires. She lived in Prance until she was twelve, is an only child, and in her personal life she often does chalk art on the streets of Canterlot and preforms violin for her local yoga group, as well as participates in said exercise, always one to practice self-care and meditation. She's friends with Tree Hugger and they often meditate, practice fortune telling, and study crystals together.

Related Post:

MLP:FiM belongs to Hasbro and Lauren Faust

Precious Pacifier, Sweet Dreams, and Soft Hoof as well as Meteor Star and the entirety of the Hopes'nDreamsVerse belong to me.

[enteroctopusdarkysilis]

✨Neon and its pilot !✨

Combat mech again ! Wew ! (See other works here)

Closeups and lore under the cut !

Mech :

Pilot :

Lore ! (Check the previous posts of this series if you want to find out more)

So, if Artefact was a first-gen, this mech, called Neon (for obvious reasons), is from the last gen of mass-product combat mechs. It isn’t really meant to get to high level competition, simply for amateurs wanting to give the sport a try. Yet, this pilot made it further than most. Just like their mech, they are one of the youngest in this tournament, but both mech and pilots already have claimed multiple battles.

Indeed, if one pays close attention, it’s easy to notice that some of the claws were replaced, and scratches can be founded in multiple places. The base mech has also been modified a bit, mostly with the addition of electric arc creators (at the top of the mech).

What’s more surprising is how powerful this 'beginner' mech is. Because it’s meant for amateurs, it is extremely sturdy, to make things interesting (because breaking down after only one hit would make a lot of people abandon immediately, which isn’t the point).

Last but not least, the large and broken metal beam carried Neon is a piece which belonged to the first mech which was defeated in a qualification match. The mech was so wrecked only beams were lefts.

Building notes ? Building notes.

The feet were a pain to make, and may fall apart at any moment. But it is necessary to get this shape without being very bulky. All of the joints on that one are small ball and sockets joints, appart from the waist one, which is a turntable. Pragmatically, the three 'replaced' claws are actually just me missing blue pieces. Moreover, the broken beam I had no idea how to use. I acquired it twisted, and it would hardly be used anywhere, and this mech didn’t really have any aggressive stance, so this did the trick.

The sticker plate in the middle is of Nexo Knight origine, and so are probably all the 'shield' pentagonal pieces (which are really good, I might be in love with these). It was also originally all solid blue and grey, but as I added the figure, I realised it needed a bit more energy, so I added the amber and neon pink pieces to give some sparkly accents, which somehow worked in the end

Finally, the (blurry) pilot : most of the pieces come from my random character mix, except the torso (minus the arms) which come from a funky Ninjago character sold in a polybag, and the helmet, which comes from Power Miners (hopefully I’ll have enough time to make a diorama for that theme one day~)

Also, I’m not sure what happened with these pictures, they’re more blurry than usual, yet they all were taken in a batch with previous pictures. I’m hoping the next one isn’t gonna be as blurry, or I’ll have to look into things further. I only have one more builds of these, but another idea is there, so maybe it won’t end with the next one. Who knows, really ?

[tarot-tea-cafe]

All About Tarot: The Major Arcana

The Wheel Of Fortune

The Wheel Of Fortune, also known as La Roue De Fortune, is associated with the element fire, with chance, destiny, fate and what have you, and is the 10th in the majour arcana, the 11th to be pulled in a fresh deck.

Upright, this card talked about (good) fortune, an unexpected windfall, karma, destiny, cycles, life being in a state of constant change, things working in your favour, chance, turning points and more.

Reversed, this card mentions bad or "lousy" luck, a lack of control, the past, misery, disappointment, upheaval, unwelcomed changes, setbacks/drawbacks, external forces at work, oncoming challenges and more.

In general this card of course talks about luck and possibilities, maybe talking about what your influences are to help you understand why youre having a streak of "good/bad luck". this card seems to be here to help point out things you might not notice or say what you know but noo to hear it confirmed for you. that doesnt always mean its going to be good or bad, just like gambling theres always a 50/50. (minus any possibility of cheating, these cards see right through you)

Common depictions may include of course a wheel, similar to a prize wheel from a game show or something with multiple points to show multiple possibilities or directions, a compas perhaps. its very common to see a map and compass or a ship's wheel and someone at the helm ahold of it. all this to show that with so many directions to go life has many options and potentialities just waiting for you and choosing the path you take is life's game of chance.

white and blue as well as a shade of gold, yellow, orange or brown are very common within this card's colour scheme, often a blue background with white clouds. red is a common accent colour among the art for this card.

another common thing to see is some flying creature or person, commonly four in each corner or few circling the "wheel of fortune" in the centre.

However on the rare occasion the wheel of fortune isnt an actual wheel you may see a lone person with more than the regular amount of limps in place of the many points that signify the different directions.

If you have any more details you'd like me to adress or questions you have you'd like me to answer please let me know!

help support me on kofi - previous card - full post

[nicklloydnow]

“Three decades ago, Lawrence (just Lawrence, no surname) was midway through a carefully measured plan for his band, Felt: release 10 albums and 10 singles in 10 years. That part was a success, generating a unique blend of glowing guitars and shimmering textures that sit somewhere between Television and the Cocteau Twins.

But Felt’s final release and farewell tour fizzled out with little fanfare, allowing the band to dissolve into the ether of cult status. That was also part of the plan, Lawrence claims. It’s just that there should’ve been a bit more glory along the way.

“I wanted Felt to be the best-ever underground band in England,” says the 56-year-old, a hint of his West Midlands accent still creeping through. “A band that would break into the charts as well as be countercultural.”

Lawrence is one of the last true enigmas left in the industry. His relationship to music, and his reason for getting into it, is not like most people’s. “Being in a band is not a pastime you could call fun,” he says dryly.

“I didn’t join a band to have fun; I don’t want to have fun. Fun doesn’t exist in my life. I didn’t want to have a laugh on the road and pick up girls – that was completely outside of our remit.”

Instead Felt was constructed to be pristine and professional. “Being happy with music that sounded like a demo?” he says, referring to the scrappy sound of mid-80s indie pop. “That was the opposite of what I wanted. I despised that whole aspect of making music.”

(…)

For Lawrence is, he believes, a pop star. With no computer, smartphone or online presence, he does lead the life of a reclusive genius – just minus the fame. “To me, a pop star is someone you never really know,” he says, touching his lips with the grey flannel. “You think you know, but you don’t.”

That said, Lawrence is open about his shortcomings. He rarely sleeps, instead staying up late watching TV and smoking cigarettes out on his balcony, where he comes up with his best ideas. Now that Felt’s first five albums are being reissued on Cherry Red, he can admit that there are a handful of mistakes he agonises over, and that a sense of preciousness hindered the band.

“I couldn’t loosen up. The perfect word to describe Felt to me was ‘uptight’. You had to have a certain plectrum to play in the band, that’s how detailed it was. Things like that prevent you from obtaining any big goal you may have because you’re always questioning everything. We were heading for a brick wall right from day one… But I knew the end of Felt was just the beginning. Sometimes to build a myth, you have to disappear.”

(…)

After Felt, Lawrence moved on to a more pop-focused band called Denim, putting out three albums on three different labels (Charlie Brooker recently picked one for his Desert Island Discs). And with an appearance on Jools Holland as well as a stadium tour supporting Pulp, the big time finally beckoned.

“With the third record [Denim Take Over] I achieved a life goal, which was to be on [the label] EMI,” he says. “I wrote ‘Summer Smash’ and they said, ‘That’s going to be a hit, we’ll sign you.’” The song was named ‘single of the week’ on Radio 1 and was due for release on 8 September 1997 – just nine days after Princess Diana died in a car crash. The label swiftly deemed the title insensitive, scrapping its release. The CDs were melted, the project abandoned and Denim were dropped.

“My whole life collapsed because of Princess Diana dying,” he says. “It affected the rest of my life in such a massive way – it’s crazy… I had some kind of breakdown. I just fell through a hole and only crawled out of it years later.”

The period that followed saw Lawrence grapple with drug addiction – something he doesn’t wish to discuss – and he eventually became homeless. Songs and lyrics still sprang up, but his workrate suffered and the opportunities disappeared. Then filmmaker Paul Kelly offered a lifeline by proposing a documentary about Lawrence (2011’s Lawrence of Belgravia).

(…)

The documentary focused on a new phase of Lawrence’s career, going by the moniker Go-Kart Mozart. New album Mozart’s Mini Mart reflects a less difficult but still frugal time in his life. He’s gone from paying someone £50 a week just to roll his joints, to utilising bargain stores. “I never even knew what Poundland was,” he says softly. Making the album required calling in favours to record for free, in stages, over several years.

(…)

“It’s not a safe environment at all and I love that; that’s why I’m in it. When you write a song, it’s like you’ve written a lottery ticket. You don’t know when it’s going to hit the jackpot. It’s really hardcore and if you don’t deliver, they terminate your contract. It’s so cool – so horrible and heartless – but I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Yet despite that enthusiasm, Lawrence doesn’t feel part of the musical landscape – at least not by the standards he’s set for himself. “I feel like I’m still on the outside of the industry, waiting to be let in,” he says. “I’m still knocking on the window saying, ‘Let me in, let me in’ and they’re saying, ‘Not quite yet. Soon, maybe…’””

“Nick Gilbert, who was the bass player, he left Felt in the middle of recording the first album in Leamington Spa. He rang me up a couple of days later and he went, “I’m leaving. Look, Lawrence, this is really ruining our friendship, me being in the band with you, and I don’t want to spoil it. So I’m gonna leave.”

And I thought, “So what if it’s gonna spoil or friendship? So what? We’re gonna be in a band, we’re gonna be famous, we’re gonna be millionaires, we’re gonna be pop stars. Who cares if it ruins our friendship?”

He was talking on a very, very deep level which at that point, I couldn’t understand the logic in that at all.”

Because your friendship with him was not that important to you?

“Not as important as being famous and rich, no.”

And now?

“Um… Now I’d still forego a friendship for the band, absolutely. I mean, my friend is the band. You know? My friend is that nebulous thing called “the band”. Called “the group”. That’s who I’m married to. Any friendship can go by the wayside. Um, and he was the only best friend I’ve ever had in my life so it was quite a big deal.”

“So to say that Lawrence of Belgravia perfectly captures the enigma that is Lawrence is to pay tribute to Paul Kelly, who in his first full-length feature has made one of the great rock documentaries. It concentrates on the eight years since the last Go-Kart Mozart album; the non-more ironically titled Tearing Up the Album Chart. Kelly had initially imagined the film would take a year to make but this was to reckon without his subject matter going missing for months at a time, living in constant fear of eviction (at the beginning of the film Lawrence actually is evicted) and there being zero financial backing for a third Go-Kart Mozart album.

Lawrence’s mental health problems and heroin addiction are only ever alluded to in a collage about halfway through the film but there can be little doubt of the toll they have exerted both upon the man and his creativity; this is someone, after all, who released ten albums and ten singles in ten years with Felt. The Lawrence of those years always cut a deeply stylish figure, excelling in perfect, art rock haircuts. By contrast, the Lawrence we meet in this film appears ashen and drawn, his long, greasy hair topped off by an equally greasy and ever present, baseball cap (there are times, alas, when he calls to mind Andy Serkis playing Gollum.)

If all of this sounds depressing then it both is and it isn’t. When I first saw the film at Chapter late last year, the general consensus of the audience in the following Q&A with Paul Kelly seemed to be that the film was a tragi-comic documentary about a deluded, failed pop star; with Lawrence cast as a kind of real life, indie David Brent. This was clearly to miss the point – Lawrence is a very important artist who has made some of the most important records of the eighties and early nineties. What is sad about the film is Lawrence’s continuing lack of recognition and the hand to mouth life he is living as a result; at one particularly heartbreaking moment in the film he sells his famous ‘Felt’ emblazoned guitar for £600.

(…)

Lawrence of Belgravia is a film made up of such apparent contradictions. Paul Kelly has given us a portrait of a forgotten genius, which for all its downbeat moments, is both hilarious and inspiring. As Lawrence says at one point, ‘no one has ever gone this far without making it.’ It may even be that this film changes all that.”

[josiebelladonna]

”what’s wrong with billie eilish?”

short answer: i don’t know, you tell me.

long answer: how much time you got?

they’re antisemites, especially her: they wore those “artists for ceasefire” pins which are bad enough on their own (won’t parse into that, but they’re not good), at the grammys this year, but then they had the nerve to cover them up at the afterparty (read: they can’t even stand for what they believe in). 

she’s a racist. she appropriates from black culture CONSTANTLY—mind, rock and roll as a whole wouldn’t exist if not for black people, but i don’t ever recall elvis or ozzy continuously faking an ebonics accent after supposedly apologizing. 

she’s also been caught using racial slurs. 

she’s also a misandrist, and i’ll forever use this against her every time someone tries to tell me that she’s any good: she’s been caught—ON TAPE, mind—calling all men evil and that girls are stupid for being with them.

she just reeks of “not like other girls” syndrome, and apparently she always has, too. there’s a reason why resources about her from 2015-2018-ish are pretty much based on hearsay, and that’s because her team erased it all. there are still screenshots floating around, though, because the internet never forgets.

one example of this is her supposed body insecurity. i’ve suffered from body insecurity in my teen years and into the first year of my twenties, but it was not like this, though. people with body insecurity either tend to over sexualize themselves or they do what i did and recoil into the background, they don’t wear their brother’s board shorts to look like boys. there’s literally a screenshot floating around that confirms this, too: in 2016, she said she dresses boyishly so no one would sexualize her, and the way she says it is weirdly hostile and backwards, like god forbid anyone else your age at the time dresses in a way to feel better about themselves. so, what this tells me is she’s either been faking this whole time or she’s a disney starlet minus the disney part in that she couldn’t wait to be 18 so she could make her entire shtick about sex, and the whole thing leaves a pit in your stomach. either way, she’s not this “confident vixen” everyone wants us to think.

she seems to have written a few songs about abusive relationships. someone will have to back me up on this but from the time she was 15, she’s dated a 22-year-old, then a 25-year-old at 16, then a 30-year-old at 19. …the first time you get bit by a strange dog you were trying to pet? not your fault. you didn’t know it was vicious. but the second time, you knew and you lose sympathy from me. it also makes her “don’t sexualize me” thing extremely hypocritical.

because of all of this, i have a hard time believing anything she says, or any song she (co)writes (with her brother) for that matter.

paraphrased from the wikipedia page for happier than ever: “she didn’t like going to meetings and doing business with her first album.” listen, i’m not in the music industry but even i can tell you that you have to work and do the “boring stuff” because the “boring stuff” serves a purpose. total spoiled, entitled brat behavior, and it shows, on that album as well as any music that followed: case in point, she dropped an album back in may but it barely left a mark on the hot 100. in fact, did anyone know she put out an album? i haven’t seen a single soul talk about “hit me hard and soft” (which is a stupid name, sorry not sorry) since the week it came out. compare this to chappell roan, who i’ve literally never heard of until just last week (and i always want to call “chaperone”, too 😂), but has had an absolute stranglehold on the charts all year.

she’s hard to look at, too, like i feel dirty just looking at her, especially now. it’s like i’m looking at a porn actor who takes herself way too seriously. 5 years later, and the “might seduce your dad” line still makes the skin crawl. finneas also apparently dates girls who look like his sister. freud would have a field day with these two, seriously.

and finally, if you’re not satisfied, this is just a “me” thing but i genuinely hate the sound of her voice. i don’t hear a pretty voice when she sings. i hear a voice that’s aesthetically pleasing, and yes, there’s a difference. some examples of pretty voices to me: sarah maclachlan, adele, elizabeth fraser, amy lee, cristina scabbia, marina diamandis, kate bush, julee cruise, judy garland, sade, lana del rey, hell… taylor swift has a multitude of moments, especially recently. I have a love-hate relationship with taylor but tortured poets is easily her best album since folklore, like there’s a reason why i’m taking inspiration from it for my kinktober fics. one of my favorite female singers is amy winehouse and her voice was anything but pretty. it was deep, gritty, and soulful, but she’s a favorite for a reason. a couple more favorites are alanis morissette and liz phair, and same story there with both of them. all these voices move me and stay with me. i hear billie and i forget her almost immediately once the song ends. it also doesn’t help that literally every singer on tiktok right now is trying to sound like her, so it may be a retroactive thing, but it doesn’t sound like anything to me. she doesn’t look like anyone, either. she’s just some girl who got famous because “oh god, pretty voice!!!”

i dislike the sound of her voice. i dislike the way she looks. i despise everything she stands for (or what she doesn’t stand for, rather). i hate how she wears band shirts and the band in question goes apeshit about it, mainly because i’m constantly reminded of the kardashians wearing slayer and misfits shirts: guys, the o’connells, like the kardashians, live in a nice neighborhood in l.a. she and finneas were homeschooled and took music and dance lessons as kids, none of which is cheap. they never lived in the projects in downey, they never had to worry about money or where and when they’re getting their next meal. so, big fucking deal if they’re wearing a shirt.

*edit: i also dislike how she feels a need to constantly explain herself. i did that all the time when i was like 19-20 and it’s a sign of insecurity. still think she’s some kind of sex symbol?

and i especially hate how she can’t make any music without her brother getting involved, and it’s getting really weird as her music gets more and more sexually charged. it’d be like me sharing my kinky/smutty writing with my brother, it’s really weird. and i wish we all would just collectively forget she ever existed.

again. you tell me.