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iiwaijime · 18 days

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intertwined, sewn together — s. itoshi

wc; 3.3k

cws; fem!reader, brother's best friend, second chance, situationships, angst, fluff, cursing, suggestive i'm sorry whenever i write for sae a demon (shidou) takes over me. PLATONIC RIN X READER OHHH I LOVE HIM SM happy ending!! not proofread.

﹟you and sae are really stupid. especially sae. that's it, that's the fic.

english is not my first language, so i apologise for any mistakes :)

[august 2024.]

sometimes, love is a feeling, or a place. or sometimes it's an action. but today, just for you, love presents itself in the form of sae, five foot eleven, with widened teal eyes, and slightly parted lips, as he stares at you in the drinks aisle of the local convenience store.

"oh, shit," he says. and then he murmurs your name, reverently, like a prayer. you wish he didn't. you want to ask what he's doing here. why here, why now, why is world-famous sae itoshi at a stupid small store at the same time as you, when you're even in spain for only another day. why couldn't he have come tomorrow? or the day after?

[march, 2018.]

"hi," whispers sae itoshi. he's still in his school uniform, even after graduation, and the way he towers over you would almost be intimidating if you hadn't known him for this long. the slight tinge of a smile that had graced his lips before you opened the door — you'd seen it through the peephole — has now widened at the sight of your face.

"what exactly are you doing here, itoshi?" you half-snarl.

he counters your question with his. "what's with the last name?"

you say nothing.

"okay, i get it." he rolls his eyes. "but i came to give you something."

"what?" you stare at him suspiciously. his hands are empty, and he doesn't have any bags or similar items with him either. but then your eyes widen, and a mixture of dread and elation rises up like bile from your gut as one of his hands reaches up to the second button of his uniform. it comes off much easier than you expect, and he places it carefully in your cupped hands. your fingers brush against each other, and he lets the touch linger for a moment too long before he backs away. you're stuttering and stammering, not knowing what to say. "but this—!"

he shrugs. "do with it what you will; throw it away if you want to."

oh.

you've half a mind to run after him, call him back as he turns around to go home. maybe even— your thoughts freeze as he looks back, and there's a cocky grin on his face as his eyes meet yours. "really?"

you stare back at him, a perfect deadpan, before he starts walking towards you again. you don't want to seem too eager — you know that if you dare to look at him right now you'll end up throwing yourself into his arms — so you distract yourself by counting his steps. they're slow, calm, deliberate. everything that's not you right now. but you also know how good he is at faking things — faking this calmness, maybe. and your suspicions are confirmed correct when he uses a trembling hand to angle your head just right, so he can kiss you.

it's nothing special, the kiss that you share, but it's simultaneously everything. you pour all the yearning and passion of the past years into it, and so does he. sae lets his gaze drag over your flushed face one time, slow and tortuous when he pulls away — there is a foreign tenderness in them that you do not quite recognise — before he shakes his head, as if to clear his thoughts. "are you okay?"

"of course," you reply, caught off guard by the overly formal tone. suddenly, this sae is no longer the one who's pulled you into closets and empty classrooms and deserted kitchens, who barely a minute ago had his lips pressed to yours like his life depended on it, who traced hearts across your damp cheekbones with something that could only be defined as love.

he leaves you in the dust of stolen kisses and secret touches and his heart cradled in your hands, but he does not tell you that last part. of course not.

the button you're holding is the one closest to the heart. surely it's not what it means though, right? it has to be a prank or something, you tell yourself, but you know you're lying to yourself, too. it's small and cold to the touch — light and almost weightless, but it still feels like the weight of the universe is entirely in your palms.

[2005—2011.]

rin is the first — and only — best friend you ever have. he is three and a half (three and eight months! not three and a half!) and he is in the same grade as you, even though you're about a year older. you started school somewhat late for your age, due to being sick — you've never liked being older than the others, but having rin as your friend makes it worth it, you think. he is wide-eyed and full of wonder, and yes he occasionally says some weird things but it's okay because the two of you will be best friends forever.

his older brother, sae is extremely cool. he's almost six and he dominates the kindergarten soccer team. rin wants to be like him.

soon enough, there's no kindergarten team; instead, sae and rin control the field together as they grow older. you're at all their games to cheer on rin — that is, until, you finally really talk to sae. you've met him before, of course, but it's not like either of you have ever said anything to each other. but ten-year-old sae stares down at you, face passive as he holds a lolly out to you. you've seen this ritual maybe a thousand times — sae buying them both lollies on the way home — but you've never been included in it until today.

"what, don't you want one?" he demands, and you shake your head, scrambling up hastily to take it from him with a hurried thanks. he watches you with something almost akin to amusement, and you feel a spark of pride at being acknowledged by the sae itoshi, who is so, so cool.

"did you win?" he asks. sometimes it's a yes, mostly it's a no. you like winning, because occasionally, when you least expect it, he graces you with a rare smile that lights up his usual somber expression.

rin isn't the only reason you frequent soccer practices anymore. sometimes, when he doesn't go, it's just you and sae walking home alone. it's not that you hate rin, no way — he is your best friend, after all — but you like these walks with only sae much more than you'd like to admit.

aged ten, you find out what a crush is. you think maybe you like sae like that.

sae isn't oblivious; he notices it. of course he does. rin does too, but he hides his disgust well. his brother? gross.

[april 2018.]

you haven't seen rin this angry in a while. his relationship with sae has already been strained as of late, not to mention... this.

"fucking bastard," he says through gritted teeth. "who the fuck does he think he is to mess around with you?"

"rin." you reach out to him half-heartedly, but he ignores you, eyes still zeroed in on the button that lies innocently on his bedside table.

"he's not worth losing your shit over like this," he tells you, and you bury your face in the damp sheets again with a half-giggle, half-sob.

"but i miss him."

you hear him groan, before he climbs into bed and wraps an awkward arm around you. rin has never been good at showing physical affection.

"he doesn't deserve you," he says gently. "he's a stupid bitch."

"yeah, but he's my stupid bitch."

"gross, disgusting, fucking ew, can you not talk about my brother like that?"

his reaction makes you laugh, and it lifts the mood, if only a little bit.

"i've liked him for a really long time," you confess.

"i know."

"we spent an entire year going back and forth, doing i don't know what— i feel stupid now."

"i know."

[2017.]

you feel guilty for blowing rin off just to hang out with his brother, but who are you to refuse when sae asks you, of all people?

you're lying on your bed, using a stuffed dragon as a pillow, while your arms are wrapped around a bear. sae is beside you, and he's... staring at you? your head whips around to look at him, and his eyes dart away from your lips.

"what's up, sae?"

"nothing," he hums. the movie drones on in the background, and you know he's lying, and his tongue comes out to wet his lips as he still stares at you.

"y/n."

you tilt your head to one side in lieu of a response.

"come closer," he says, and your heart skips a beat. you know what he's asking of you; you know it won't do rin any justice if you get with the one person he really dislikes right now.

so you shake your head. "but rin—"

"you're dating?"

"no, of course not!"

"you like him?"

"gross—"

"so what's the problem, then? i know you like me." he says it with an easy confidence, the voice of someone self-assured in his allure. he's sure you like him, you realise — not that you don't, but still. and his eyes bore into yours in a way that's hypnotising and so undeniably him that you can't help but move closer.

sae kisses you for the first time that day, one of many more to come over the course of the year. he's equal parts gentle and rough, fingers digging into the skin of your waist even though the way he kisses you is almost shy.

"we should hang out more often," he says as he leaves. the corner of his mouth quirks up, and you know he's talking about something else that's not just hanging out. waving his phone at you, he adds, "text me later."

[june 2018.]

the artificial glow of your phone screen lights up the entire room as you scroll through the old texts between you and sae.

you looked good yesterday.

those girls r hitting on me like i want any1 other than u LMFAO

imy come over??

unbeknownst to you, the brightness wakes up rin behind you; you don't notice until he's reaching blindly for your phone to turn it off, grumbling way too many swears for a sixteen-year-old boy.

"stop thinking of him," he complains sleepily. "it's gross and also pathetic. but mostly gross."

you don't oppose him as he pulls it away from your hands. maybe he's right. maybe you do need to stop.

[march 2020.]

today, you graduate. standing beside rin, you don't tell him about the button tucked neatly in your pocket. you also don't tell him that you think his brother has ruined you, that you think— no, you know you'll never be able to love anyone else like this ever again. you love/miss/hate him so much and it curls around your heart and lungs like blooming flowers, but slowly you are forgetting how to breathe. you ignore them, the flowers die a little faster. rin cuts them out like weeds, too, but sometimes he nicks you in the process. the momentary pain is worse than slowly sinking into death, though, so you let him.

[august 2024.]

"sae," you breathe, and he takes a singular step forward.

"what are you doing here?"

"i'm just, y'know, getting around a bit, travelling here and there," you babble nervously. an anxious, high pitched laugh bubbles out of your throat.

sae has never been one to mince his words, to beat around the bush. so he puts the can of schweppes dry ginger ale back onto the shelf, and comes over to you. "come home with me."

your first instinct is to say no — because what the actual fuck is going on, and why does he expect you to even— sae laughs. "i don't intend to, y'know, get you into my bed tonight."

a cocky grin. "unless that's what you—"

"of course not!" you snap. "what do you want, sae?"

"just wanna catch up," he says, and his smile is downright evil. he knows what effect he has on you, and he's not afraid to exploit it. "just wanna catch up with my favourite girl."

your knees turn to jelly. momentarily, you entertain the thought of running into oncoming traffic.

"i'm only here for two more days," you argue helplessly. you know it's a losing battle either way; it's incredibly difficult to even pretend you don't want to see him again, talk to him again, have things just like they were before. because even if it wasn't the best for you back then, you'd still had him, still gotten to know him and feel him.

"that's long enough, no? tonight, and i'll drive you back to wherever you need to go."

you relent far too quickly; you know that he knows there was no real resistance in the first place.

he lives close by, he tells you, so the two of you can just walk. what are you getting? he'll pay for it— oh, come on, don't refuse! it's almost a tradition at this point. do you still like that rare brand of chocolate milk? guess what, this store has it. here, i'll buy you some. oh, remember to inform whoever you're staying with, lest they get worried.

he is talkative, caring. you, on the other hand, remain silent. does he miss you? you wonder. has he missed you, all this time?

neither of you expect the night to go the way it does, though. not that you're really worried about it. not when you're clumsily going through sae's drawers in search of extra PJs, not when he pulls the covers back to let you stumble drunkenly into his arms, and not when you're kissing him again so many years later. certainly not when he's telling you about how much he's missed you, how you're the only one he's wanted all along, how you're the only girl he's thought of these past six years. you can taste the wine on his lips — nothing unpleasant, if you're being honest — and when he rasps baby into your mouth, you think that there aren't a lot of things you wouldn't give up to stay like this forever.

true to his word, sae doesn't let things go too far. it doesn't mean that you don't spend the night at his, however, and when you finally wake up, he's still there.

okay, so what if some part of you had assumed that this was some sort of fever dream? you've dreamt of sae before, of course, so it's nothing new. sure, it's a little more intense than your usual, but who are you to complain? only, all of those thoughts disappear when sae stretches with a groan and slides his freezing hands under your shirt to rest against the warmth of your stomach.

you let out a sleepy shriek, rolling away from him before he pulls you back. "what the fuck, sae?"

"i'm cold," he complains, and with a mix of horror and delight, you realise that the two of you have fallen right back into your old dynamic. his fingers are warming up as he traces a three-part pattern onto your skin under your shirt. by the fourth repeat of the pattern, you come to the conclusion that they're letters. by the sixth, you've recognised it as his name.

you brush your teeth in the bathroom together; it is an odd display of domesticity that you don't exactly hate. you're still in his clothes when he places a mug of coffee in front of you.

"i did it the way you like it," he says. "i remembered."

it's obvious he's not talking about coffee here. you stare into warm liquid; a distorted reflection of yourself stares back. you swallow. "sae."

"mm?" turning back to face you, he takes a sip of his own coffee.

"what are we?" the age-old question that you've never dared to ask — neither has he, for that matter — slips out from between your lips. sae chokes.

"what do you want us to be?"

"no, no, no." you shake your head, standing up. "don't turn this around on me, sae, you already know what i want. i'm asking you, because i'm not going to tolerate this on-and-off thing like i did last time."

"hm." he sits down next to you. "i know i fucked up before, but i want to try again."

"try again as in...?"

"go out with me," he says flatly.

your heart thumps a staccato beat inside of your chest.

"wait, but i'm leaving the day after tomorrow," you protest. "how's this going to work out?"

sae smiles lopsidedly, tipping sugar out of the little bowl of it onto one of the table mats. you follow the movements of his finger as it creates rough paths through the white crystals.

"long distance?"

you shrug. "i don't know, sae, it's a lot to start off with."

"who says we have to start with long distance?" he asks, grinning."

"what?"

"i'll be going back to japan soon, to renew my passport again."

oh. oh.

"we don't... have to do anything that's out of your comfort zone," he tells you. "but you should know that i want you, a lot."

"the feeling's mutual." your face is shamefully pink, something which appears to amuse him greatly.

you leave him with remnants of wine-soaked kisses and your favourite hair tie wrapped around his wrist and a promise of return; his heart is still in your hold, but this time he tells you that. you promise to keep it safe.

[november 2024 onwards ♡]

you are at the airport, waiting for him. not yet his, but you will be, soon. or maybe you have been, all this time. he looks refreshingly pretty against the backdrop of hundreds and thousands of other people you don't know; when his eyes finally meet yours, he smiles. the normally expressionless (in public, at least) sae smiles as he all but runs over to you. you're about to greet him when interrupts.

"can i kiss you now? it's literally the only thing i've thought about since you left."

an airport kiss? how cliché. you do it anyways. his cheeks and nose are tinged red because of the cold — or not the cold — and he holds you carefully, like you'll break with a singular wrong move.

in the parking lot, you think someone recognises him. there's a shy whisper of his name that he ignores, and he kisses you again, harder, before opening your car door for you like a perfect gentleman.

"fuck," he breathes as he leans back in the passenger seat. "if you're like this the whole time i'm here, i won't be able to just leave."

your boyfriend is absolutely whipped, and it shows in every little action, every word he says. it shows when you ask him when he's leaving and he shrugs, and it's not really brought up again, and when he hands you a key and the address of his new apartment. yeah, soccer matters, of course, but you matter more.

rin finds that he hates the two of you being together more than how much he hates sae and how he left you, combined.

"you're disgusting," he tells the two of you, but he still ends up (willingly) being the best man at your wedding.

a/n; whew, writing 4 sae again <3 btw sae is not ooc he's only this open with reader bcuz he wants her ok. crying i hate this actually. title from not a lot, just forever by adrianne lenker

tags !! @c4ttheart

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