#minimalism has no place in any holiday tbh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anjanettexcordonia · 4 years

Text

Paradise Lost

**Trigger Warnings**

DARK DARK DARK

-NSFW/Mental Health/Violence/Rape Minimal fluff if any at all tbh.

***If you are sensitive to any of these please do not read.

Pairing: None

Word Count: 2,583 (I struggled with this chapter. Not sure why.)

**READ WITH CAUTION**

Excuse any grammatical errors or misspellings.

This will be a six part series. I do not have a timeline for when I will post. (I’m a mom & work full time)

Disclaimer: Riley Brooks & Liam Rhys belong to Pixelberry. All other characters in this chapter are mine.

Thanks to @texaskitten30 for beta reading this chapter for me.

Tags:

If you would like to be tagged or removed from taglist please let me know.

@gkittylove99 @kingliam2019 @yourmajesty09 @cordonia-gothqueen @mom2000aggie @texaskitten30 @hopefulmoonobject

Katherine Riley Brooks Vanderbilt lived a life others would envy. Her family had been written about in American history for decades. She attended the best schools money could buy. Her family frequently vacationed all over the world. To the world Riley was an heiress that lived a life most would or could only dream of. But not all was as it seemed. The tabloids painted her family in a light that no one would even imagine the horrors that really took place behind the eight foot walls that hid their sprawling estates. Riley didn’t have an easy life. Money didn’t cushion the multiple gut wrenching blows she suffered from her tyrant father. Trust funds didn’t fill the hole left by her absent alcoholic mother. Sisterly bonds was a fantasy.

16 year old Riley

“Let’s go Mia. We have to get to the airport.” Riley was standing in her younger sister's dorm room waiting for her to pack her suitcases for their holiday trip with the rest of the Vanderbilt family. “I am. I am so excited to see Dad. I haven’t seen him in so long. Are you excited Kat?” “Um yea whatever Mia.” The sisters headed to the car waiting to take them to the private jet of one of their father's business partners. They arrived at the tarmac and realized they were no longer in the custody of their father's security detail. Riley knew this wasn’t going to be a run of the mill vacation.

It had been two years since the death of her mother. Two years of boarding school away from the horror of her father. Riley dreaded the holiday but was excited to see her younger brothers.

The jet finally touched down in Switzerland. Riley looked at her younger sister. Amelia still has the youthful twinkle in her eye as she looked out the cabin windows at the sparkling snow beneath them. Riley had lost the innocent twinkle. Maybe she never had it. She had been parentless as long as she could remember. Her father didn’t greet the sisters at the private airport. Nor did he greet them when they arrived at the estate they would be staying at. Instead a short plump woman with dark auburn hair and hazel met them at the estate.

“Katherine and Amelia, I presume?” The girls nodded their heads. “Very well, follow me and I’ll show you to your wing as per Sir Vanderbilts request.” They followed the woman, who never introduced herself, to their rooms. Opulence was something they were used to and it didn’t faze them at all. “Your father will be joining you Katherine in your room shortly to discuss a few matters at hand.”

“Katherine, it's nice to see you. And you look lovely in that dress my dear.” Riley’s father hissed as she walked into the sitting room of her suite. “Father” she nodded avoiding eye contact. He kept his eyes locked on her and her long, shimmering emerald dress. Her father always insisted they dress their best in his presence no matter the occasion. “Have a seat. We have much to discuss.” Riley seated herself across from at the small table. “I would like for you to join me on my hunt this weekend. It’s time I teach you all to be true Vanderbilts and how we maintain our power among the others in our world. Money does not equal power.”

“Power is forcefully taken, yes I know, Father.” Riley rolled her eyes. Suddenly Riley felt a force knock her out of her chair. She hit the marble floors beneath with her a force that knocked the wind out of her. “It will do you well to remember your place Katherine Riley Vanderbilt otherwise you will see what happens when someone disobeys me.” Riley felt the warm, copper taste of blood in her mouth. “I would say ask your mother,” a sinister smile emerging on his face, “but it seems you can not.” Riley stood and dabbed a napkin against the corner of her mouth, she smoothed her dress and took her place in front of her father. “There will be other friends in attendance as well on our hunt tomorrow. As I am sure you are aware, you will be in charge of keeping the other children on their best behavior.”

“Father, may I ask, what will be hunting tomorrow?”

“Who, Katherine, who?” Edward stood from the table, “I have spoken with the others. Amelia seems especially eager. Tomorrow will be momentous. Tomorrow will show me who will be the successor to Vanderbilt Enterprises.”

Riley didn’t sleep a wink that night. She had no idea her younger brothers, Neal and Eddie were there. She hadn’t seen them yet. It had been six months since she had seen them last.

The next morning, Riley woke and dressed in her riding gear and went down for breakfast. When she made it to the kitchen, she spotted her siblings and her father all having breakfast. Riley noted how unusual this was. “Riley!” Cornelius screamed and jumped from the table to hug her. “Hey Neal! How are you? You have grown so much since I saw you! How has school been?

“ENOUGH” Edward bellowed at the children. “Sit down both of you.” A flash of fear passed though Cornelius’s eyes and he went back to his seat. They finished their breakfast without so much as another word nor a glance at each other. “You’ve never taken us on a hunt before Father, what game may I ask will we be hunting today?” Amelia asked. “Today will be a turning point. It’s not about the game we hunt per say it’s about the power you hold over your prey. In this world only the strong prevail. Kill or be killed. Succeed or fail.” Edward said matter of factly. “You will do exactly as I say without showing weakness, now you all may follow me.”

The children all followed their father to the stables on the grounds. They each mounted their horses and trotted behind their father until they reached a large,log hunting cabin deep in the woods. The tree canopy was so thick sunlight barely reached them. Riley felt a cold shiver down her spine as they made their way into the cabin. It was nearly lunch, but the smell of cigars and scotch...and something else but Riley couldn’t place the odd smell, made her stomach turn.

“Eddie” a large overweight man clapped their father on the back. “I see you brought an audience,” the strange man smirked.

“It’s time to toughen them up. Show them how to be true Vanderbilts eh Brother?” Edward laughed, “meet your Uncle Astor Cornelius Vanderbilt Duke of Wellington kiddies. I think the youngest one here ought to call you Pop?” he winked. “You’re whore of mother sure did enjoy making you, boy.” Astor looked down at a 12 year old Cornelius. Eddie smirked, catching Riley’s eyes filled with tears threatening to break free. He fully intended to break her. If she were to inherit his fortune she would do it on her knees.

She looked more like her mother everyday. He hated her for it. He hated her mother. He hated himself. All he wanted was for her to love him. She could never love a man like him. So he forced her. He forced her until he took her life. He became the monster he was meant to be. And if he couldn’t make her like him he would do it to her daughter. His daughter. With her eyes.

“You will all do as I say, without defiance or face the consequences.” Edward warned. “Amelia, Edward you’re with me. The others are with Astor. Let’s go.” Each group went through a separate door that led to a flight of stairs descending downwards to a large basement. The basement looked similar to a hospital or a morgue. Medical utensils were placed by a row of three hospital gurneys. Large fluorescent lights made the room bright. Too bright. The first the sisters noticed when they entered the room was the row of three cages along the wall. Three naked women were gagged and bound in each cage. Riley looked at her sister. Amelia didn’t have fear in her eyes. She had excitement. Riley felt the hair on the back of her neck rise. “Have a seat,” Edward gestured towards some chairs near the cages,” you will observe and listen.” Edward pulled a set of keys from his jacket pocket and unlocked each cage door. He stripped his clothes bare and placed them in a laundry bag. The girls, surprised at their father's nakedness, averted their eyes unsure what to do. “Power is taken, not given. We take what we want and we end those that oppose us. We end those that would deny us what we seek, isn’t that right my daughters?” Edward asked as he pulled the first woman from her cage. She was a petite brunette woman that Riley didn’t recognize. “This woman disobeyed my direct orders so she will face my punishment.” He said firmly. He tied the woman to the gurney in the center of the room. Her wrists were tied tightly above her head and her ankles were tied to each corner of the bed. She was blindfolded and gagged. “Father, what are you doing?” Riley asked, horrified by what was happening in front of her. “I said not to speak, do you defy by direct command?” He glared at Riley. “Come here girl” he said between gritted teeth, “You will help me, you will get first hand experience.” Riley felt the anger boil in her veins. “What did she do to deserve such treatment?” She snarled. “Do as I say or you can replace this bitch on the table. Your sister there is practically giddy, but you hold resilience, that will end today. She will be your victim or you’ll be mine.” Edward spoke barely above a whisper. Evil poured through every orpheus of his body.

Riley knew it was her or him and she was too weak to do anything. There was no returning back. The innocence Riley had left was going to be extinguished. She would never be the same. She grabbed the scalpel from her father’s outstretched hand. Her hand shook uncontrollably as she gripped the scalpel in her sweating palm She closed her eyes. Turn it off Riley. You can’t feel or you won’t survive. Turn it off… She opened her eyes and looked at her father. Her eyes reflected his. She handed the scalpel back to him. “I do not need this.” She paced the instrument back on the sterilized tray. She climbed on to the gurney. She pulled the gag out of the woman’s mouth. “I want to hear you scream.” She said. Riley pulled the blindfold from the girl’s eyes. “I want you to look at me while your life drains from your body. From your eyes. From my life.” “No please stop.” The girl cried. Riley’s father stood astounded by her words. He recognized those words. But from where? “All I wanted was for you to love me, but no it was too much to ask.” Riley said. She slapped the girl across the face. She grabbed the girl with both hands on each side of her face and kissed her deeply. She pulled back and punched her in the jaw.

Slap. Punch. Hit.

The girl screamed in anguish. Blood covered her face and splattered all over Riley. Edward and Amelia moved closer and watched her awe as she beat the woman. Riley grabbed the scalpel and sliced the woman's breast as the woman screamed. You deserve to die. You disobeyed me. You fucked your way into my life. You fucked your way into my fortune. Riley screamed.

“Riley stop.” Edward yelled. Riley didn’t stop but looked back at her father. “Do you remember father? What you did to Mother? We’re not that much different after all.” Riley slit the woman's throat and watched the blood pour from her carotid artery. She stood up. Edward glared at his daughter. “How dare you threaten me? I grabbed Riley and threw her into the cage the woman Riley had murdered was previously. He locked the cage door. “You will watch. He pulled the other women out of their confines and strapped them to the other two gurneys. Come here Amelia, it's your turn. I hope you do not disappoint me.” “Yes, Father, I’m ready.” Amelia responded excitedly. Riley watched as her father and sister beat, berated and assaulted the women. She watched as they mutilated and destroyed their physical bodies. Hours later there was silence. Amelia and Edward were spent from the torture. Riley was horrified at what her sister was capable of. She was her father in every way. She was a skilled manipulator. She was a horrific and demented individual. “I have an idea Father, we should throw the bodies in the cell with Katherine for a while. Let her spend some time with our victims. One of them was her victim. Teach her lesson.” Riley spent three days with no food or water in a cell with three decomposing bodies. The smell encompassed her senses causing her to be sick. She knew she could never trust anyone again. Her own sister had turned against her. Become like her father. Maybe I am too. Maybe I am just evil. I. WILL. KILL. THEM. ALL. She wondered how her younger brothers were. If they were still alive.

10 Years Later

Riley had remembered the three days she spent with her first murder victim. She remembered the taste of revenge she had when she murdered her Uncle Astor. Her father was forced to retire into hiding. Her sister had been in a mental institution for a lengthy amount of time. Self admitted of course. She believed it protected her from her sister by living in the upscale mental facility. Riley’s brothers both survived the traumatic experience they had suffered a decade earlier with their Uncle Astor. Eddie had moved on with his life. He never spoke of what happened. He and Riley became estranged. Cornelius disappeared as soon as he was able. He has suffered severe post traumatic stress disorder and had turned to the underbelly of New York City for his coping mechanisms. Riley had been searching for him. She left her position as chairman of the board of directors of Vanderbilt International, after she superseceded her father after his abrupt retirement five years ago on Riley’s behest. Rather her force. She maintained 51% shareholder in the company which left her majority vote. With her company firmly intact and well maintained it left her the freedom to search for her youngest brother. She was ready to save her family and rebuild what bonds she had left. She had found a job as a bartender in a dive bar in the heart of the big apple. It opened up connections to the underworld of drugs, booze and crime. She was getting closer and closer to Neal’s whereabouts until one night. The night she met him. The night his ocean blue eyes met hers. The night she had found her match. The man that was her equal. The man that had faced the pain unlike any other. The man that would kill for her. The man that held equal power. She ran the world. He ran a country.

Her King. His Queen.

#trr dark twisted riley queenriley caution theroyalromance au alternateuniverse choices theroyalheir trh kingliam liamxmc

30 notes · View notes

leoalcrights · 4 years

Text

ELEANOR ‘LEO’ ALBRIGHT -- YATES TASK 003

BASICS

Full Name: Eleanor Amara Albright

Meaning of Name: “bright, shining one” and “everlasting”

Nickname: Leo

Birth Date: September 3rd, 1999

Astrological Sign and Details: Virgo…. It tracks j look at her

Birth Place: Taxi in The Bronx, NY

Age: 20…...or 21 (idk the timeline bye)

Nationality: American

Race: Biracial (half-black, half-white)

Hair Color: Dark brown

Hair Style: Curly

Distinct Features of Face: Sharp jaw, tiny freckles across nose and cheeks, thick eyebrows

Glasses or Contacts: Tortoiseshell eyeglasses, but she usually just wears contacts

Eye Color: Dark brown

Scars or Distinguishing Marks: Scar on her calf from high school from a championship soccer game

Build or Body Type: Tall and slim

Height: 5’10

Weight: 130lbs

Speech Patterns: Very clear speech, articulate

Gestures: Tends to rub her eyes when she’s tired or stressed, talks with her hands when very excited or enthusiastic

Weakness: Prone to falling cold/appearing apathetic and shutting down

FAMILY AND CHILDHOOD

Mother: Harriet Albright (adoptive)

Father: Lucas Albright (adoptive)

Mother’s Occupation: Manhattan socialite

Father’s Occupation: Senator for the state of New York

Family Finances: Very well off, hailing much from old money

Birth Order: Youngest

Brothers: James Albright (deceased)

Sisters: Darby Albright

Other Close Family: Seraphina ‘Saffie’ Albright, Georgina Albright

Best Friend: Henry Marin Peters, Lydia Radcliffe, Felix Lesser

Other Friends: Anita de Jesus, Orpheus Rivera, Greyson Byrne, Carmen Peck, Florian Henneberg, Syre Salinger, Parker Hassan, Ellie Aldenkamp, Tanner Isaacs, Thalia Winter

Enemies: Fitz Montgomery (rip)

Pets: None

Home Life During Childhood: Very bad <3 spent much of her life equating attention to love, being toted around New York social events like a new handbag only for her parents to pretend she didn’t exist when they arrived back home at their penthouse that looked more like a museum than a home. Darby and Leo were close as children but were quickly pitted against each other when James died. Not only was James no longer around to mediate their squabbles, but the girls were also instantly always competing for their parents’ attention and approval until Leo ultimately won the fight and dipped at 14 to go to boarding school in Connecticut

Town or City Name(s) Where They’ve Live: Manhattan, NY, The Bronx, NY, Fairfield, CT, Preaker, VT

What Did His, Her or Their Bedroom Look Like: Something straight of Ralph Lauren catalog, all designed by New York interior designers. There were few personal touches due to Leo mainly living in Connecticut all throughout her years in high school except when she would be home on holiday breaks

Any Sports or Clubs: Soccer & Newspaper (EIC) in high school, Newspaper & a small book club at Yates

Favorite Toy or Game: Rummy 500 or UNO

Schooling: Knollwood Prep (graduated, valedictorian), Yates University (current)

Favorite Subject: English, but has a penchant for math as well

Popular or Loner: Popular

Important Experiences or Events: After a New York event with her parents around Christmastime, her parents went from laughing and bragging about her to essentially becoming robots once in the car; this was the first time she realized their love was conditional. James’ death. That night at her friend’s lake house after she graduated high school. Watching her father smear concealer under her mother’s eyes before the Met Gala after he insisted that the makeup artist wasn’t doing enough to “hide it”. Leaving Darby.

Religion and beliefs: Raised Christian, independently agnostic

PERSONAL

Bad Habits: Overworking herself, cracking her knuckles, not sleeping enough or sleeping too much

Good Habits: On top of things (typically), exercising

Best Characteristic: Independence & loyalty

Worst Characteristic: Tendency to be aloof & self-absorbed

Worst Memory: The day James died

Best Memory: Staying up late watching movies at Christmas with Darby and James

Proud of: All she’s done for herself, maintaining a perfect image

Embarrassed by: Her fear of standing up to her father, her mother, previously her sister

Attitude: Realist, hesitant existentialist

Fears: Ending up like her father

Secrets: She forged a suicide note for her friend who drowned after he fell into a lake after ODing and she didn’t save him out of fear of the bad press and her father

Regrets: Leaving her sister

Feels Vulnerable When: Anyone brings up her brother, tests her stone-cold facade

Short Term Goals and Hopes: Make as good a life for herself right now as she can, succeed in school + wherever else she puts her efforts

Long Term Goals and Hopes: Live independently and successfully in a profession she

Sexuality: Demisexual

Exercise Routine: No specific routine, but tends to go on runs at least 4 days of the week

Day or Night Person: Prefers the night, but likes to wake up early

Introvert or Extrovert: Introvert but forced extrovert

Optimist or Pessimist: Realist, but closer to pessimist than an optimist

LIKES AND PREFERENCES

Music: Frank Ocean, The Cure, The Smiths, Taylor Swift’s folklore (i said what i said), Bon Iver

Foods: Dried seaweed, spaghetti & meatballs, blueberry muffins

Drinks: Rum & Coke, other than that water and earl grey tea

Animals: Fox

Color: Midnight blue

Clothing: Very simple and classic casual or country-club chic (not like vineyard vines tho like old ralph lauren)

Jewelry: very minimal, diamond earrings, a silver ring on her left ring finger

TV Shows: Criminal Minds (leo 100% is in love w/ mgg), SNL, Twin Peaks

Movies: The Social Network, The Imitation Game, Up

Greatest Want: Her parents’ unconditional love tbh

Greatest Need: To realize she’s never gonna get it and she’s gotta find it within herself x

LIFESTYLE

Most Cherished Possession: Anything that was her brother’s

Married Before: no

Significant Other Before: dated Felix Lesser for 6 months

Children: none

Relationship with Family: strained but improving w/ her sister

Dream Career: Journalist (preferably investigative), but she’s planning on working for some Fortune 500 company

Dream Life: Travel the world w/ a companion (romantic or platonic) and go on as many ~adventures~ as she can

Love Life: a mess <3

Hobbies: writing stupid little short stories, running, used to play piano and if there’s one around, she’ll go play like one of the three songs she remembers

Guilty Pleasure: chocolate (particularly chocolate cupcakes)

Talents or Skills: basic piano skill, she’s really fast, weirdly good at solving equations, honestly a decent cook

Intelligence Level: high

#task.#yatestask003 #YUUUUUUUh

7 notes · View notes

eruditekid · 6 years

Text

thank u for tagging me @cyclicstudies!!

rules: answer 11 questions, write another 11, and tag 11 people

Have you ever met a celebrity? If so, how’d it go? uHHH kinda?? i didn’t exactly meet them but i got within like the 10ft radius of one kdfgnsdfbg halsey’s brother and my brother were in the same year so they graduated together and i saw halsey at the graduation and she sat like 10ft away from me and my friend was brave enough to sneakily take pictures kdfnkdn i used to be a huge fan of her so i was freaking out but i didn’t go up and say hi bc like... it’s her brother’s graduation and it didn’t feel right

What do you think of gap years? i think they’re super cool tbh, because its like a year of downtime to explore options, take a break, and travel and whatnot?? i dont think it’d be for me but im not opposed to them at all

Do you have any tattoos? Would you want any? well rip me im 16 and my dad has basically said he’d disown me if i got any tattoos but i want some anyways!! im not too sure what yet, but i love small minimalist tattoo designs

Do you attend college away from your hometown (and for those who aren’t in college, would you want to leave home)? definitely definitely definitely wanna leave home ksnfgksbdf i live in a small rural town on the east coast and i want 2 go to school in california so badly bc a) i need change and its a different environment, b) i went there last summer as part of a road trip and wow i fell in love, c) i want to go to college there bc !! silicon valley and wanting to be a comp sci major goes pretty well together

Do you know how to drive? noooope i just turned 16 a couple weeks ago and i havent registered for my 6 hours yet im scared tbh

How many piercings do you have? zero! not even my ears

What’s your favorite holiday? christmas, probably?? just the vibe of it all from the music to decor to the food... i love it all

What’s your pet peeve? mmm people minimizing my achievements and good grades even tho i worked really hard for them?? people asking “where are you from?” and then having to correct themselves by asking “where are your parents from?” once i respond that i was born in the US??

What are you good at? i think im ok at drawing and writing!! and photography, but i need to get a dslr since im no longer taking photography at school (my school loaned us cameras for the school year). i should post my portfolio sometime!

Which fictional character would you want to meet in real life? oof, mike ross, harvey specter, or jessica pearson from suits? anyone from avatar the last airbender? spencer reid from criminal minds??

What’s your favorite Disney movie? tangled, moana, or big hero 6!

11 questions to answer!

what do you want to major in/what are you majoring in and why?

what superpower would you want and why?

what 3 places do you want to travel to next?

what languages do you know and what languages do you want to learn?

what are your favorite films, tv shows, and/or books?

what is your greatest accomplishment so far?

where do you like to study/where do you study best?

what are your hobbies and how did you get into them?

what’s one thing you want to do before you die?

what outfit is your favorite to wear/you feel most confident in?

have you ever dyed your hair? if you haven’t, would you ever want to?

tagging @stuhde @intellectys @etudias @academiix @studybutch @athenastudying @diaryofamathstudent @studyception @thesmartstudies @smilestudy @gloomstudy!!

#tagged #me #amanda talks

11 notes · View notes

redinkofshame · 6 years

Text

[There are more questions under the cut, I combined some memes.] I was tagged by @thevikingwoman for ‘seasonal’ questions, that I am now answering on the verge of summer. Sorry, viking!

1. Favorite holiday? Why? Halloween! I adore Halloween. There’s minimal if any family pressure, I love costumes and excuses to dress up, you don’t have to get up early, there’s candy everywhere... Honestly what’s not to adore about Halloween?

2. Do you know how to ski and/or ice skate? I do know how to ice skate. No one would cast me in any skater au ofc, but I can get by without falling. I’ve only gone skiing once. I could never seem to slow myself down enough. I ended up accidentally ramping up a hill (I was trying to use the hill to slow down) and sailed through the air and crashed into some trees and broke one of the skis and had no way off the mountain. My favorite part of that trip with discovering how epic hot tubs in the snow are.

3. Share a family tradition that you love. Holiday tradition, or... I’ll just do one of those. No one in my family (or my BFFs tbh) are allowed to put up Christmas decorations until after my birthday (Dec 4).

4. Do you like mulled wine? You know I’m not even sure I’ve ever had any, but I like wine, so, yes

5. Favorite kind of pie? Pumpkin, pecan, and Cheesecake. (Cheesecake is a pie, fight me)

6. A holiday you like to skip? Christmas, if I could :(

7. Is The Nightmare Before Christmas a Christmas movie or a Halloween movie? Halloween! We get stuck sharing so many Halloween movies with Christmas (tNBC, Hocus Pocus, The Addams Family) and I’m sick of it! I’m reclaiming all of them on behalf of Halloween!!

8. Who from Dragon Age would want on your snowball fight team? Who would be on the other side (lets say… 5 people max) uuhhh... I mean all the rogues, obv, they’ve got the aim Me, Cole, Cassandra, Varric Vivienne (just because I can’t picture it), Blackwall, the Iron Bull, Sera

9. A holiday snack or treat that you like? Hot cocoa or Andes mints. I’ll pass on the cookies.

10. A holiday wish? That my job/living situation works out T.T

I was also tagged by @slapmybabushka 1. If you had a TARDIS and you could travel to any place in any time where would it be? Oh man... Wherever/Whenever Nine is XD The nearish future on Earth, I think, like 100 years. I want to see that things get better (or maybe validate my fear that they get worse). Or maybe let the Doctor pick something good. 2. Favorite animal? I’m a lover of most animals, but my answer is the pangolin. 3. Do you Have any tattoos? If not Do you want any? I do--Stan Lee’s autograph, and a semicolon on my finger.

4. What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re sad? Cry? XD Chololate or wine are good to, or texting my support system.

5. What kind of pets do you have? (If you don’t have any then what kind of pets do you want?) I have 3 cats x.x Arthas, Jaina, and Yayi. They’re all assholes. Arthas is my world. 6. Describe your dream vacation. I should probably say like Egypt or something but honestly we went on a tropical cruise for our honeymoon and it was amaze-balls, I’d like to do that again. (Pro-tip: the cheap, windowless rooms near the engine are a fantastic combo of white-noise and complete darkness that allow you to sleep like 24 hours a day.)

7. Star Trek or Star Wars Star Trek. I’m more of a tv girl than movies, and I like that they cover a wide variety of social issues.

8. Favorite video game? Dragon Age Inquisition, and Harvest Moon: Back to Nature 9. Are you a sleep for a week person, or a sleep is for the weak person? I think #6 answers this XD 10. On a scale of 1 to 10 how fluffy do you like bunnies to be. So fluffy. Gimme those angora ones, I’ll spin ya some yarn. 5 Things Meme, tagged by @tel-abelas-mofo 5 things you can find on my blog 1.) My writing 2.) Uhh.... 3.) Sometimes some DA fic writing references 4.) And general writing references 5.) And occasionally some art tutorials 5 things you can find in my room 1.) At least 13 lost hair ties 2.) A mountain of clean, unfolded clothing 3.) A crib 4.) 1-3 cats hiding under or on the bed 5.) A whole lot of shoes that I never wear 5 things I always wanted to do 1.) Get paid for my writing 2..) Get one of Nipuni’s commissions XD 3.) Only wear clothes that I’ve sewn myself 4.) Build a castle 5.) Have a successful blog/vlog 5 things that make me happy 1.) My son 2.) My husband 3.) When people leave comments on something I’ve written because it made them feel something 4.) antidepressants? 5.) Dancing

5 things on my to do list

1.) Write more

2.) Draw more

3.) Like serious, write waaaay more

4.) Learn some more lullabies

5.) Sew more

5 things you may not know about me

uuhhh....

1.) It’s very difficult for me not to answer a direct question, even if someone has no right to ask that or won’t like the answer

2.) It’s really hard for a story to make me cry, though written media works best

3.) I was a late bloomer- I thought I was aro/ace for a while, though we didn’t have those terms back then

4.) I’m

incredibly

bad with names, even with my own friends and family

5.) I really like dragons

#neat questions #not resurrecting this one #I was tagged

4 notes · View notes

lululawrence · 6 years

Note

Hey there! I've come to your blog and tumblr in general after a long, long time, so I hope you're doing well. That being said, I'd love to know how you would describe the 1D hiatus or the past few years in the boys' context?

like to summarize the hiatus so far? good heavens. i almost envy you for not being here for all of this but at the same time i’d not wanna be anywhere else lol

let’s do this one by one, shall we? i in no way say this is all encompassing, i’m going to miss a hell of a lot of shit, but as i said, it’s a basic summary, yeah?

this got out of hand so i’m putting it all below a cut. lol

let’s start with niall. he went on the lads holiday we wanted all of them to have, proper travelled the world and barely touched social media (his public accounts, anyway). he was hardly recognized, as far as we could tell, and had a great time with his friends going all around asia and seeing placed he’d never been able to explore before. he started songwriting and let us know by giving us this town. he did the jingle ball circuit that year and then in 2017 gave us slow hands and too much to ask as his singles while he toured small venues and rocked it and released his album flicker. he’s now out there ruling the world, as our irish king should, and has released on the loose most recently as he tours bigger venues on a longer tour whee! add in all the golf fun he’s been having between the modest golf stuff and the masters and such and he’s basically living the life we all deserve.

i’ll do harry next because, surprisingly, his is easier to explain than even liam’s lolll so harry went ghost. and then he showed up with no official confirmation actually on set for dunkirk, so that was when we finally learned FOR REAL that he was doing it. after dunkirk, he went ghost again and then all of a sudden in april last year we got an advert for him. sign of the times was released with info about his album and a small venue tour. it was like the hunger games trying to get tickets for that small venue tour sigh. dunkirk promo was an absolute gift, the film was amazing, and then he then put on a few small shows he announced the day of and gave the revenue to charity. lovely, right? then the small tour went off and was amazing and basically went ghost after the tour until it was time to kick off his big tour, which he’s in the middle of now. there was some super minimal stunting from his side, lots of quality promo but still on the minimalist side, and overall just kinda quiet as harry goes and is loud on the stage hehe

liam. okay liam. so 2016 was quiet and full of rumors and then he confirmed he signed a single deal, the first of any of the boys. like niall his is with UMG and not sony, so we were really excited for him. something i forgot to say for niall is his label is 100% behind him and doing AMAZING things for him promo wise. like holy mother they are perfect. niall is very much being marketed as the every day guy and he’s doing great with it. for liam they are also doing great promo, but liam’s promo is just...different. gosh i’m the worst at this i’m sorry. okay so liam signed a very public deal and then didn’t really release anything for a long time. niall released music and then louis did jho with steve, and then harry did his thing, and THEN liam released strip that down with quavo. tbh niall and liam ruled the summer radio last year with their singles, and liam’s promo was so fucking on point. he was doing interviews and shows and was just kinda everywhere, i’m still so proud. liam also did a collab with zedd and kept promising an album but the date kept getting pushed back. OH and somewhere in last year i think bear was born? i obviously keep good track of that. so add a baby that people feel about 70 different ways about in there with music stuff. then in fall of last year he released bedroom floor, and then in the winter he and rita ora did for you (is that the title? i know the song, not the title i’m sorry) as part of the 50 shades shit and liam rocked that too. he’s now also released familiar with j balvin and we still have no word about his album. lollllll so basically he’s been nonstop promo with a fair amount of music and just...no album. plus a baby and constant rumors about his relationship with whats her face. JUST GIVE US THE ALBUM AND TOUR PLS! oh and he performed for the biggest crowd, bigger than even 1d tour crowds, in dubai just a month or so ago! isn’t that awesome?

and now louis. snort. okay so there was the baby shitshow in early 2016 paired with 5 gazillion pap walks with danielle and/or the baby. lots of partying with the lads. basically he was seen constantly with nothing to sell other than the fact he is obvs very much a dad and very much straight. then in december of 2016 we got word that jay died and suddenly he was releasing a song with steve aoki. just hold on did awesome things, steve was incredible for louis during that entire time, and the promo was pretty damn good. during all of this danielle was suddenly gone and we were thrown back into elounor like it was 2012. everything went a bit quiet after jho, but we got updates he was in the studio, which fine. and then back to you with bebe happened and it was great and fun and promo was alright minus the baby stuff and he promised the album was making good progress and he thought maybe a couple more singles before releasing it hopefully by the end of the year. *stares at the camera* i have opinions on his twitter use so i’ll refrain from saying anything other than it was prolific and there but not necessarily helpful. in addition to the magazines and modeling that liam, niall, and harry all did, louis also did a couple of them and they were mostly positive. he gave us a song that wasn’t technically a single, a song he said was for the fans, just like you on national coming out day so you know there is that too. and then he released miss you. he did a shitload of promo earlier in the year when there wasn’t anything to sell yet, he did a little for bty, but then almost nothing for miss you. literally almost NOTHING. and that song got almost zero radio play. and like wth?? anyway. he’s switched managers though still with the same company, other things have changed but we haven’t seen much evidence of what it means for him but are also still waiting for his album. and tour, though he promised small venues as well so we anticipate the hunger games part 2. add in the fact the baby is still supposedly his and eleanor is still apparently there and that’s basically that.

so. there you go. the worst summary in the history of all summaries. i hope this helped? all i know is they all still love and support each other so much and imo harry and louis are still incredibly supportive and in love. and that’s what you missed on glee.

#summary #this was ridiculous #i know i missed stuff but like i said summary #sigh #this fucking band #Anonymous #asks #mine

4 notes · View notes

xyliane · 7 years

Text

not selling any alibis: chapter 1

summary: killua is an assassin, but he has a pest. a cockroach. and it’s making his normal non-assassin life hell. not least because his family insists on making it all his fault.

notes: I’ve been working on this thing for. gosh. I think the initial idea for this au came back in january (on minimal sleep, probably), and it’s been percolating and simmering until it’s finally boiled over. anyways it’s a spy/assassin au. T, killua zoldyck, zoldyck family shenanigans (read: illumi is awful and the rest aren’t much better). killugon. 3400 words.

fic will update...probably not til the holidays tbh, the next few weeks are eeeeeeeeeeeevil. I just wanted to see if there was any interest in this mess.

[ETA] fic is now updating on ao3! link is here.

-----

chapter 1: eyes in your pockets, nose on the ground

-----

“Do you have the target?”

Killua adjusts his sights, the comfortable weight of his sniper rifle keeping him steady even on this rickety perch. Across the wide street, typing away at her desk with the blissfully ignorance of someone trying to finish their paperwork at the end of the day. Killua doesn’t know who she is, and frankly, tells himself he couldn’t care less. It’s not in his job description.

Assassin means quick, clean, and quiet. Killua may be the best in the business, but that doesn’t mean he has to know about the lives of the people he kills.

“Target locked,” he says over the comm.

His brother’s voice hums an affirmative. “No sign of your cockroach?”

“None so far.”

“And what about in the street entrances? You cannot afford another loss, Kil.”

“Don’t have to tell me that twice. Or twenty times,” Killua mutters. Illumi is a pain in the ass to have on comms. His oldest brother might be a great assassin, but when he plays spotter for Killua, he can’t stop backseat driving. If Illumi’s going to insist Killua stay in the family business, to the point that he takes spotter whenever possible, he can stay out of Killua’s personal life.

So far, it’s worked out okay that way. Killua has his life, a normal life with classes and video games and friends and a years-long crush on his best friend, and he has his family’s work. They do not cross paths.

It had been going well for years. He’d moved out of the mansion to attend high school, having finally proved to Father that he could be in a “normal” school and stay at the top of the game. It was there he met Gon Freecss, a cannonball of sunshine and chaos who wormed his way into Killua’s heart, the best friend he could have ever asked for, even if Killua doesn’t know what he did to deserve Gon. Five years later, their mess of a two-bedroom apartment is nothing like Aunt Mito’s house or the Zoldyck mansion, but it’s theirs. It’s Killua’s space to not be a Zoldyck, to not worry about being perfect at what his family wants. To be best friends with Gon even if that means spending too much brainpower stomping down on the urge to burst into his best friend’s room and kiss him senseless.

Gon, of course, doesn’t suspect a thing. He’s used to Killua’s odd hours at this point, and with his job at Kite’s clinic doing some bizarre combination of paperwork and site visits for whatever it is Kite does, it’s not like Gon keeps normal hours either. He’s also too damn oblivious to realize anything involving kissing or desires to kiss or anything else that makes Killua lie awake at night debating the merits of screaming into his pillows.

But the last year or so, the jobs Killua’s taken have run into…a pest. His cockroach. A spy almost as good at their job as Killua is at his, with the tendency to snatch Killua’s best finds right out from under him. Can’t kill anyone if they vanish into the system, or protective custody, or hell, maybe the cockroach kills them.

How they vanish isn’t the problem, it’s that they do. It pisses Killua the hell off that he’s lost five separate targets in the last nine months, and neither he nor his family can figure out how. It’s not uncommon to run into rivals in their game, but it is rare for anyone to get a leg up on a Zoldyck, least of all one so good that Killua hasn’t even seen them for himself. For every botched job he has, he has to complete another three for even a fraction of his reputation to return. He does them, and he does them damn well, but then this asshole cockroach gets under his feet again and screws everything back to hell.

Which is how he ends up with Illumi resuming his role as Killua’s handler and backseat driver, like he’s twelve again and off on assassin’s first contract. That pisses Killua off almost as much as the cockroach themself.

He checks his backup cameras just in case anything’s crawled in while he was scoped. Nothing at all. “I’m clear. You see anything, Illumi? Since you’re the one with the security cams and all.” And has nothing better to do than be a pain in the ass, but Killua doesn’t say that out loud.

“There is nothing on my scans.” Killua is about to make fun of how easily Illumi is mixing up “checked the cameras” with “intensive scanning” when his brother makes a noise almost like a hum of recognition. It’s the sort of noise Illumi made when Killua was about to eat the unpoisoned fruit, or step on the sturdy boards while training, instantly signaling that something is not going according to plan. Come to think of it, maybe that was more of the point of the training beyond mere poison resistance or surviving four story falls: the ability to notice even the smallest details, even from someone familiar.

Killua snaps his attention back to the scope. The woman is still in her office, still typing away. “What is it?” Killua bites off.

“Oh, well. Perhaps there is something.”

If Killua keeps grinding his teeth, he’ll probably have nothing but stubs by the time he’s thirty. If he lives that long without either killing his brother or having a heart attack from one of Gon’s stupid ideas.

Killua’s just as stupid and infinitely more selfish, though, because now he finds himself wanting more from Gon. The sort of more that is a massive distraction when trying to line up a kill shot and his spotter is not doing his damn job of spotting problems before they become issues.

“Illumi. What did you see.”

“Hear, little brother. You must use all your senses.”

Sniper rifles are heavy, and Killua is increasingly considering the value of abandoning his position to bludgeon his brother to death. “What did you hear, then?”

“The sound of clampers attempting to scale the alley side of the building.”

Killua swears. That’s outside of his view and his cameras, supposedly under Illumi’s watch. That’s the point of having a backup and a spotter—someone to keep an eye on things he shouldn’t have to worry about. If he’d been on his own, like he should be, Killua would have spent the extra time to set up additional surveillance. Being even partially blind is horrible, especially at times like these. Killua is the best because he knows what he might miss. Relying on Illumi is a terrible blindspot, even in the best circumstances.

“Hook me into the audio while you figure out where the fuck this cockroach is,” Killua says. Illumi hums in acknowledgment and Killua’s headphones crackle with static, making him wince. Whatever frequency Illumi has been on, it’s next to impossible to hear anything. He fiddles with his receiver, trying to clear the sound.

He’s almost got it when the noise clears abruptly, Illumi’s voice returning. “Kil. Take out the target now.”

“It’s not the right time—”

“Your cockroach is taking the chance, so we must take ours. Shoot her.”

“On your head,” Killua mutters, and cuts the comms to focus in on the window. He steadies, aims—

And almost fires at an empty office, vacant except for a gently spinning office chair and a piece of paper with an enormous smiley face taped to the computer screen. Better luck next time! it says.

Killua swears again and slams his headset on the floor hard enough to make it crack.

—

If he hadn’t promised Father he’d stop by the mansion after the job—the failed attempt at his fucking job—Killua would have followed through on earlier plans to clobber his brother with the business end of his rifle and gone straight home. Gon has a way of making even the worst days palatable, just by being himself. He also seems to be having trouble at work lately, but what complaints are left to commiserating over a handle of cheap whiskey. Hopefully he’ll still be awake by the time Killua gets back.

Instead, he spends the forty five minutes it takes to fly to Kukuroo Mountain and the Zoldyck helipad filling out paperwork and wishing he could be with his best friend instead of within punching distance of Illumi’s blank face.

The Zoldyck mansion and grounds around Kukuroo Mountain used to be one of Killua’s favorite places growing up, full of mystery and danger even with all of the training he went through. Now, it’s okay sometimes—Mother is still overprotective, Father still expects Killua to become a carbon copy of himself, and Grandpa Zeno always looks like he’s trying to test Killua on something. Milluki’s always working on some super secret hacking project, and Kalluto’s been loaned to a colleague indefinitely. But Alluka’s not even at the main mansion anymore, so what little joy Killua had left in the house he grew up in is also gone. Some bullshit about Mother and Father wanting to keep her projects “safe,” but more likely it’s to keep her apart from Killua. Her and Nanika both.

And there’s Illumi, who should stay on the other side of the moon as long as he stays out of Killua’s business. Something he is deliberately failing to do.

The corridor to Father’s office gapes and yawns, the stretches between wrought iron lamps seeming to elongate with every step Killua takes. He’s dreading this conversation more than almost any other. Not helping are the prim steps of Illumi, just behind him and far enough to the side to reverberate in slightly disjointed echoes down the hall.

By the time the door arrives, Killua is half-jittery with the need to do something, anything to get out of this house. Instead, he pushes the door open and slips into the room, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

“Welcome home, Kil,” Father says. He’s shucked his bespoke suit jacket and rolled up his shirtsleeves, blue eyes unreadable from behind the desk. People always say Killua takes after him, his height and his white hair and his blue eyes if not his bulk. How Silva ever managed to build a reputation as an assassin is less to do with stealth and more to do with brutal efficiency. But Father’s presence is grounded and weighty where Killua’s is electric and sharp, perhaps from age but just as likely from experience, even if Killua’s completed almost double the amount of contracts as when Silva was his age. There’s a reason Killua is heir to the Zoldyck dynasty, not because he wants to be but because he’s damn good at it.

It’s unusual to see Father out of his work clothes while in the office, even long after the end of the day. Propriety is vital in this business, he’d explained once, when Killua was too small to really know what the word meant. Mom, a slim black-haired shadow perched in her high backed chair at Father’s right hand, remains in her best work kimono, thick glasses glimmering in the red light.

Grandpa nods, his normal grin gone. “I hear there were complications again.”

Killua tries not to whip his head back to glare at Illumi. “I have my report here,” he says. “I had hoped to go over it myself, not have it fed through some incompetent third party.”

Illumi plucks the papers from his fist and gives them to Mom. “I believe, as your observer, I am neither a third party nor incompetent,” he says.

“Your screw ups cost me my job tonight, brother,” Killua snarls.

“Perhaps you should have checked your own tools rather than relying on what you perceived to be lacking in the first place.”

“I did set them up, you took them from me!”

“Boys,” Mom says, her voice dripping with misplaced emotions. “Don’t fight, not here. Kil, your report is flawless, but it does support what Illu reported already.”

“It’s not my fault.”

Grandpa Zeno at least looks a little sympathetic when he says, “Fault doesn’t matter, kid. Results do. And yours don’t look good.”

Killua does not growl or pace. He doesn’t allow his family the satisfaction of seeing his frustration manifest here. Instead, he pulls his hands out of his pockets and unrolls his copy of the paperwork. “I have the best record in this house, except for yours, Grandpa,” Killua says. “My only failed assignments have all occurred within the last eight months, and even taking those into account, I am succeeding well above Kalluto or Illumi’s expected averages. And all of them are related to that fucking cockroach.”

Father props his chin up on his fist. “Yet compared to your standards, you lack, Kil. That is unacceptable.”

“I still believe this is to do with his current living situation,” Illumi says softly, black eyes not showing a hint of emotion, not even satisfaction or success he’s obviously luxuriating in. “He has taken fewer and fewer contracts in the past few years. Perhaps it is time for the heir to come home.”

That is not negotiable. Killua is not leaving his apartment, his home, his friends. He’s worked too hard to keep that part of his life safe, locked away from his family and the blood on his hands. But he swallows the fear right back where it came from. “That’s besides the point. What I need to know is how my missions keep getting leaked.”

Father glances at Mom, who shrugs melodramatically. “There have been no words on leaks, Kil.”

Killua rolls his eyes. “I don’t screw up. Not like this. You know there’s something going on, or you wouldn’t have me under surveillance again. Either Milluki’s losing his touch or you’re getting lazy, Illumi.”

A brief flash of a grin passes across Zeno’s face, more for Killua’s benefit than anyone else in the room. “Told you he’d find them,” he mutters loud enough to echo. Father glares deadpan, the same look Illumi gives but with the strength and age to back it up. Unfortunately, when it’s targeted at Grandpa, it does about as much good as an water gun in a hurricane.

“Kil, no one else in the family is suffering from these losses,” Father says. “We suspect it’s coming from your end.”

Killua’s hackles rise defensively. “It definitely isn’t. I run sweeps every day, before and after missions, and whenever Gon’s in class. I made the protocols that allow me to stay out of this place, and you all approved them. Hell, you use them in all our safehouses now. Including Alluka’s systems—”

“Then the protocols need to be updated, darling,” Mom says. “As do those for field surveillance. Illumi, you will oversee Kil’s efforts at both of these.”

“Of course, Mother.”

“What? No! This was Illumi’s fault in the first place.” Working with Illumi out of the field is even worse than the backseat assassining that happens on the job. No way is this going to end without Killua tearing his hair out.

“Don’t argue, kid,” Zeno says. “Silva wanted to keep you at home until the aiai protocol is fixed. Consider this a compromise.”

“There’s a problem with Nanika?” Killua asks. “I thought Alluka finished last year. What has she said?”

“It’s nothing Milluki can’t fix,” Father says.

Mom looks more upset about this than Father, but she wants him back under the Zoldyck thumb almost as much as Illumi. Father’s always emphasized, if Killua can maintain his success and his secrecy, he can “expand his horizons” or whatever he says to excuse Killua’s flights of whimsy. Not that they are whimsical at all. Killua simply wanted to have a little corner of life for his own. Father seemed alright with even that, just so long as Killua never tested his leash.

At least, until now. The risk of losing what little independence he has looms large in Killua’s mind, and he shudders at the thought. He can’t lose all the time he’s put into stupid classes and stupid university credits just to lose them now. More importantly, he can’t lose his friendships. It’s bad enough he doesn’t get to see Alluka. Losing Gon…

Killua straightens, pulling his shoulders back and meeting Father eye for eye. “Fine,” he says. “If I get an extra visitation day.”

“Done. And you’ll install the new modifications in your apartment,” Father says.

“In the complex’s public spaces, not in my apartment,” Killua says.

“Today.”

“Tomorrow. I have to wait for Gon to go to class, since coming all the way out here means I’m not getting home til after dinner.”

His best friend’s name makes a flicker of emotion pass across Illumi’s face, sour and unamused. Killua marks a point in his favor, a tiny spot of hope in this mess.

“Agreed,” Father says.

Killua lets out a breath slowly, not letting his relief show on his face. “Great. So can we get to sorting out the leak now? Since I’m here, and not going to class tomorrow.”

Kikyo shakes her head, tapping her long nails on her husband’s desk. “We will take care of that, I think,” she says.

“If it’s centered on my contracts and no one else’s, I should be involved.”

“We have it under control,” Father says.

He’d said the same thing before all but exiling Alluka from the family, like she was a problem to be solved rather than Killua’s sister. He’d said it when the protocol—when Nanika was moved to the main mansion once its immediate success didn’t take hold. It takes every single spotless job to earn even a fraction of time with her, and losing that… It’s not a comforting thought. “Obviously not as much as you think, or I wouldn’t be missing another contract,” Killua says.

“You are the only unaccounted-for element in this search,” Illumi says. “Perhaps you should not be involved at all.”

“I—”

Grandpa nods somberly. “We’ve been discussing this privately for some time now, Kil. If you are the target of this subterfuge, you should not be involved in the search. It would only draw more attention. And your performance during this time has been an issue as well.”

Killua’s eyes narrow. If they’re talking about a break, he’d take it gladly. He’s never had one, not while applying for university, not when Gon came down with some terrible upper respiratory infection, not even the first time one of Professor Krueger’s hell tests descended upon his grades. But if they’re talking locking him out of his own problems, just because he’s not following their plans…

“Are you seriously accusing me of leaking my own contracts?” Killua asks incredulously. He can’t stand his family most of the time, but they’re his family. Even Illumi. He can’t betray them to someone else. The very thought is anathema.

But no one responds. It’s worse than if someone said to his face they thought he was a traitor, because at least that way Killua would know who to punch. Instead, Father says, “Kil, you know the suspension protocols. No contact with the family, no access to the grounds, no further contracts. No access to family resources. Use the time to triple check your protocols and install any updates in the apartment complex.”

Killua balls his hands into fists. “You can’t suspend me now,” he says. “You need my help with this!”

“Check ins are once every twenty four hours with Illu,” Mom adds as though she doesn’t hear him. “Do not miss them, or all visitation rights will be revoked.”

“And if we cannot determine the cause, or decide it is too dangerous, you will return home and your visitation privileges to the secondary compound will be permanently revoked,” Father says. “It is too much of a risk to leave my heir in harm’s way, especially at a time like this.”

Illumi doesn’t smile. Illumi never smiles. But his blank black eyes seem to glimmer all the same. “You know how to reach me, Kil,” he says.

It takes every hard-won fiber of control in Killua’s body to keep himself from breaking the door on the way out.

#hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh fic #my writing #killua zoldyck #killugon #illumi zoldyck #silva zoldyck #kikyo zoldyck #please do not play a trope drinking game with this fic #you will Die #gonna post this on ao3 later this week #who's the cockroach???#spymance au

133 notes · View notes

myapogee · 4 years

Text

therapy is expensive but tumblr read mores are free. (not that i want anyone to therapy me, i just need to vent)

at dinner i was like very obviously Not Good so my mom asked me about it and i sorta hummed and hahhed until saying how i just really hate my job and wanna quit and later this month i’m gonna talk to my boss about that to see if we cant find a way to make me Hate My Job Less

and my sister came in at some point, missing part of the convo, and was like “well if you’re going to quit, you need to start looking for work before then” and my mom’s all like, “yeah put your resume on linked in or indeed, etc”

and like. i told them i wasnt gonna quit for awhile, i’ll just let my boss know i’m unhappy and have a few months to work thru it and try to get happier and if that fails THEN i will quit.

but the reason i said that is because i dont wanna tell them my real back up plan which is “actually i dont wanna live at all, so if i quit or get fired i’ll probably just kill myself” bc that is not good etiquette to mention at the dinner table

idk i feel like. like when i was younger i was at a point where i was like “i want to die, but so does everyone else, so i guess i’ll keep living because they somehow do”. and then i learned i was wrong so i went into “i want to want to live, so i’m gonna make the most of what i have, now that i know wanting to die isn’t normal”.

and now im just. like. fucking exhausted from trying that hard. i want to die, and i recognize that a certain amount of other people do too, and many of those other people either Actually Just Die or they get help or something i dont fucking know how the other ones get thru that tbh bc if i did i wouldnt be where i am.

what if i just. spent my week off from work putting all my things into boxes. like drawings that i dont want my family to see into the recycling or a box labeled “please burn this if you respected me at all”. put some women’s clothes into a box labeled “never been worn: donate to good will”. etc etc. and then just. i dont fucking know man. i googled some stuff about overdosing on pills and google was like “here’s the suicide prevention hotline number”. thanks google, ya mean well.

everyday just kinda sucks. and then if one thing goes a little wrong i spend the remainder wanting to die. and there are good moments. there are funny youtube videos. there are good tv shows. there are games of cards against humanity with my family and of D&D type games with online friends. there’s stuff that brings me joy. but its like. guess its fucking selfish of me to say but it’s... not enough?

the biggest thing is almost def my job. and if i enjoyed it more, things would probably be better. so i should quit and find a new one. thats just. easier said than done.i wish my job could go back to being what it used to be. but things changed like a year ago or maybe two years now idfk time is an illusion. and its just. been shit ever since.

i’ve started learning portuguese more seriously. been doing the few minutes a day on a couple different apps. i think. my ideal existence. would be moving out to my grandmother’s home in portugal, living alone now that they’ve moved on. it’s lovely there year round, so i get my exercise walking to the lil convenience store, getting some things to eat and bake with, having bread delivered by the bread truck to my home every day. the house is paid for, so all i have are utilities and food. which i pay for thru commissions online. maybe some sore of artwork with the local people. there’s land, and anyone who wants it can do with it what they will but all i ask is if they grow any food i get a little now and then. i get to be a hermit, but i’ll help out my neighbors now and then, and i know they’ll help me too. it’s a community, but with its share of isolation, and without the obligations i feel here. i grow old, having lived my own life on my own time. eventually, i’m found dead there, by a curious neighbor who didn’t care quite enough to find me before it was too late. but it wasn’t suicide. just age and the problems that come with it. but i’ve lived with minimal capitalism, with few to no family or friends or pets. there’s solace, silence, and peace. i have lived life, and can leave it without worry.

... that wont happen though. as long as my parents are alive, i am bound to them, and if i did manage to leave this house and go anywhere at all never mind portugal i dont think i would be free of the worry over them. familial obligation, holidays, etc. i can’t live without worry while i’m avoiding them and feeling guilty about it. but i can’t live as myself without worry while i’m still shackled to them too. if i stay alive, i’ll be in limbo for years as they grow older and i need to help take care of them or find people/places that can take care of them for me but that i need to pay for. etc etc. there’s so much. responsibility in this world. that i never asked for. god i just wish i was never born, really. it’s amazing to me now that anyone can have kids. like raise orphans or whatever sure. but to actually birth a child into this existence, knowing how terrible the world is? why would you choose to put someone through that? why force them to experience this, it’s dreadful.

this. okay that latest paragraph, i wanna be clear, i 100% am not ever gonna kill someone. like i’m not gonna hurt my parents so i can live free or whatever, and i’m not saying taking someone out of this life is better than bringing them into it, etc. i’m suicidal sure but i’m not a fucking asshole.

anyways.

pls don’t... fucking reply to this in any way or even acknowledge it. i know it all already okay? the pandemic has brought people down. capitalism brings people down. the fucking winter and its holidays bring people down. i know.

its just. a painful cycle to be in. and i really think. there’s only one way to break it. and we’re all gonna die eventually so it’s just. how long do i have to feel like shit. before i’ve earned freedom from feeling anything at all. why push back the inevitable. when it would benefit me so much to fucking embrace it.

#just actually dont read this at all if you dont wanna get bummed i guess #there's like suicide mention n stuff bc its me

1 note · View note

anjanettexcordonia · 4 years

Text

Paradise Lost

Pt 3 of Ties That Bind

This is a repost. (The link was dead)

**Trigger Warnings**

DARK DARK DARK

-NSFW/Mental Health/Violence/Rape Minimal fluff if any at all tbh.

***If you are sensitive to any of these please do not read.

Pairing: None

Word Count: 2,583 (I struggled with this chapter. Not sure why.)

**READ WITH CAUTION**

Excuse any grammatical errors or misspellings.

This will be a six part series. I do not have a timeline for when I will post. (I’m a mom & work full time)

Disclaimer: Riley Brooks & Liam Rhys belong to Pixelberry. All other characters in this chapter are mine.

Thanks to @texaskitten30 for beta reading this chapter for me.

Tags:

If you would like to be tagged or removed from taglist please let me know.

@gkittylove99 @kingliam2019 @yourmajesty09 @cordonia-gothqueen @mom2000aggie @texaskitten30 @hopefulmoonobject

16 year old Riley

It had been two years since the death of her mother. Two years of boarding school away from the horror of her father. Riley dreaded the holiday but was excited to see her younger brothers.

“Father, may I ask, what will be hunting tomorrow?”

Riley didn’t sleep a wink that night. She had no idea her younger brothers, Neal and Eddie were there. She hadn’t seen them yet. It had been six months since she had seen them last.

“Eddie” a large overweight man clapped their father on the back. “I see you brought an audience,” the strange man smirked.

Slap. Punch. Hit.

10 Years Later

Her King. His Queen.

19 notes · View notes

justalittlemango · 5 years

Text

Entry #16 - 21/01/2020

Well, it’s safe to say returning back to Cheltenham and the whole dorm life has been fairly bittersweet! I guess I adapted very well when I was back home (and I mean, who wouldn’t when you are blessed enough to not worry about money for that period, and great parents who are willing to help you out as much as possible!) It was quite sad on the final day of coming back here with my dad dropping me off, but at the same time it feels quite nice. Nice to have my privacy back, my own bathroom schedule and be able to use my gaming PC again!

It’s currently 6am as I write this, sadly my sleep got interrupted by a phone notification, turns out a friend was spamming me on Steam so now I am awake. The power of the internet right there folks, being able to wake someone up from thousands of miles away. However, I am not too fussed. My semester starts again today, and my lecture is at 11:15 so it’s not all too bad.

Initially I was kind of freaking out, predominantly due to the fact that my first lecture this week involves group-based work... and I guess I’m not really satisfied with the input that I had put in before Xmas for the group, but oh well. I am hopefully willing to change that with this next lecture coming up.

I want to try and get some organisation into the group. Sort out roles for each group member so we know what we’re doing and contribute more ideas together. I think before Xmas I was just so drained, tired and stressed with all the other assignments that my mind just went completely blank. However, it’s a new year now, new semester and that means I gotta be back on my A game.

So I’m feeling relatively optimistic about that, albeit nervous.. but hey, I’m still here and I’ve managed to get through all this shit before in my life, there’s hardly anything stopping me, other than how negatively my mind perceives me. In all fairness, my mood has been quite good ever since Christmas and my last post. I’m hoping it stays that way! I’m satisfied with the long break I had, and now it’s time to work hard again. This project should be fun anyways.

I don’t imagine this project/assignment will be too time-consuming regardless.. we’ve got 4 months to do it and we’ve got a very very basic concept that runs... I guess we just need to keep adding stuff to it over the next 4 months and see how far we get into it. Least that gives me hopes about time-keeping for the other assignments I’m starting this semester which I’m sure will be just as stressy as the ones I’ve just done :^)

Talking of assignments, my creative skills assignment got graded, the one which heavily involves Photoshop, Illustrator and all that graphic design stuff. I got 68, which was 2 marks off the top criteria.. So I’m happy with that! Considering a pass grade is 40, an extra 28 marks on top of that I’m chuffed with. So that’s kept me very positive recently that my work isn’t utter crap!

I am sorta worried for my other two assignments that are yet to be graded. One assignment which is the creating a game in Unity that I had to request an extension for, I feel like I’m going to get a low grade or not pass at all... trying to write the code myself was so difficult so uh, some sort of it was uh, “referenced” from online, i guess. My 3D modelling assignment I’m also sorta worrying about as I rushed it towards Christmas as I requested an extension for that too. Oh well, I’m going to try not to let it play on my mind...

On a more positive note, I decided to get this student housing thing sorted once and for all. I can’t afford to go back into student halls, and I’ma be real with you, but the flatmates you get can be obnoxious as fuck. Not saying that my current flatmates are like that, but uh, we just live and let live and we don’t really speak to each other. But they like to hog the kitchen a lot, and that annoys me. So I don’t really want to put up with that again next year.

I organised a Discord group thingy between my bf and a friend from the course, so we could get a 3 bed house that’s close to the campus. Thing is, this student house is ideal for me because the rent is so cheap compared to student halls. So if I can get this student house, I’d be able to keep and spend so much more than I get right now. Lets put it this way, in student halls at the moment, I only get £300 to spend across the 3 months. If I was in a student house, on average I’d have just over £1k to save/spend over the 3 months. Yum fucking yum!!! So I really hope to fuc that we can get a place sorted!

I ain’t really got no fear of anything going wrong tbh... we still got quite a bit of time, and there’s still some good choices going around in the area near the university- which is convenient as currently where we stay it is an hour walk to campus, and yeah.... not worth it. I might also mention it to a few friends on the course if they want to also come live with us, but it looks like everyone is sorted... so I think it’s best that we just find a place, inquire, see if we’re happy and then slap the deposit on it.

Conveniently, my dad just got his redundancy money from work and has offered to pay my deposit for me which is a MAJOR help, otherwise I simply would not be able to afford it and live at the same time. So I feel very blessed knowing this. Of course, once we get to the house I am not going to blast any of the money, in fact I might just spend it how I do now, very minimally. Reason being? Overdraft. I gotta get out my overdraft. My bank has started to change the limit of how much is fee-free, and at the moment I can take out up to £2000 and it’s fee-free, but at the end of this year it’s going down to £1500, then the year after it’s £1000, year after is £500 and then so on.

So realistically, it is absolutely in my best interests to go for a student house. I need that money. I have also been looking at costs about doing an internship in Canada, and yes, it is fairly expensive once you count the application fees, flight fees and the fact that the Canadian government want you to prove that you have 2400CAD in your bank to prove that you can sustain yourself in Canada.

I have been looking at the invitation pools for UK residents to take the working holiday visa scheme in Canada, and right now it seems 3k people have signed up, and there’s 6k slots... so... that’s filled some hope in me! I just really hope I get a place!! It is absolutely my dream to work in Canada for the year. I just gotta be on top of my game on December 2020... as I believe that’s when the pools next open. I just hope they don’t mind being there for only a year when the visa grants you two years! But uh, they don’t need to know that hehe... or maybe they do. lol idk.

But yes, a student house is needed in order for all this to be accomplished. I know for a fact I would be more comfortable staying with my bf and a coursemate rather than more random people that I have to awkwardly say hi to when I want to grab my noodles from the kitchen. But yes, I’m estimating that over the second year, I’ll have about £800 or so to spend. That’s amazing. And I want to invest £500 into my overdraft so I can go down to the fee-free amount (£1500), and then do the same for the next instalment so I can go down to £1000, and then save whatever is left from the final instalment to try and sustain myself for if & when I go to Canada. They ask for 2400CAD in your bank, and that’s £1400... I guess as long as I have that in my bank they’ll accept me, and then once I get in I can focus on paying that overdraft off.

I’ve heard internships in Canada pay minimum wage, so if I have extra money in the month that I don’t necessarily need, I’ll send it to my UK bank account and help me get out of that overdraft, as when/if i’m in Canada, the fee-free amount will reduce to £500 or so, therefore I need to get that paid off. I don’t think it should be too difficult, but I’m super relying on these things working out, and lets be real, there’s a very high chance of all this not working out. Though, I won’t allow myself to. I will find a student house. I will save the money I get when I’m at said student house. I will pay my overdraft bit by bit. I will try to save up 2400CAD so I can get accepted into Canada, but the most important part: I will try my best to entice Canadian game studios to accept me..

That last part, that’s going to be tricky I think... I hope I am good enough that they will accept me as their intern. I don’t know really. I still don’t know where I wanna go , but anywhere in Canada I’m happy with: particularly if it’s Toronto or Montreal. Hell, I have still been learning French for just in case I do get a place in Montreal. They speak French there? well heck, so will I with all this time I got to do it. Plus, I’ve been wanting to learn French for a while, but just needed a sort of kick up the butt to say “ok, here’s why you should ACTUALLY do it!” and yea :3

That being said , I would also be happy if I got accepted at a studio in Vancouver.. a bit far and very much behind time-wise from the UK, but hey it’s only for the year, I may as well live it up aye? Of course, I am still banking on myself to get accepted into the pools and be invited by the Canadian gov, then consult jobs/studios all over Canada with my work and stuff, then save up the money to get into Canada, all simultaneously while trying to find a roommate in whichever city I get to (however, this seems like a rather simple one as I’ve already seen many apps that can help find roommates and offers seem to come & go A LOT.)

A roommate would definitely be ideal for me, as it would help split the rent. If I’m going to stay in a city like Vancouver or Toronto, it isn’t really possible for me to sustain myself on minimum wage in these cities. So a roommate is ideal. Besides, I need friends when I get there anyway! lol

I wonder if I’ll look back at this post in a few years and think... “Wow Kurt, you thought it was that easy?” - part of me thinks this goal is far-fetched, another part of me sees it as perfectly accomplishable with the correct amount of time, planning and finances. So really... I don’t know. I would say at the moment, probability is low in the likeliness of me getting in, because my work is still a bit.. questionable, as I am still a fresher after all. So I gotta rely on producing really good work that catches the eyes of employers, host a website with my portfolio on it and send it to just as many Canadian studios as I can and then hope for the best. I just really want this goal, it’s an even more motivating goal than thinking of graduation, honestly!

Welp. I posted a lot on this one, but everything I said here is 100% the things that run through my mind a lot of the nights. I am going to stay optimistic, I’m going to work to the best of my ability and make my creations look appealing, I am going to get that student house so I can be happy financially and secure myself & my goals. Til next time

~mangie

0 notes

raspberrybitters · 7 years

Text

Bored on Caturday 💀

(I'd spare you with a "read more" but I'm limited to a phone right now.)

Eating Disorder Questions

1. which eating disorder(s) do you have? EDNOS/I don't care/I'm very good at restricting lately

2. when did you develop your eating disorder? UH, embarrassingly long ago. Like, so long ago I can't remember. I feel like a grandma. I was somewhere around 11, and I remember it basically spurred from reading the American Girl "Body Book" chapter on eating disorders. I remember it said that people with anorexia get very thin, but they don't see themselves that way, and I thought, "I don't care what I see when I look in the mirror, but I do want OTHER people to think I'm skinny." Oh, sweet naivete!

3. are you currently in recovery? No.

4. honestly, do you want to recover? I am overly optimistic and I really think I can have a low weight and a normal mindset at the same time.

6. 5 safe foods? Pickled ginger, pickled radish, hard-boiled egg whites... Uh... Uhhhh... Uh...

7. 5 fear foods? I think bagels qualify at this point, but I have always forced myself to eat fear foods and just restrict for the rest of the day if it's high calorie. The idea is to minimize being nuts as much as possible.

8. do you count calories? Loosely.

9. what is your max calorie limit? 1,000, sort of.

12. are you trying to lose weight? Yep.

13. have you ever been called “fat”? Yep.

15. what is your current goal weight? I'd like to get back to my low weight of 90 in the immediate future and then maybe lose two more pounds.

16. what was your highest weight? 123 😱

17. what was your lowest weight? As an adult it was 90 pounds.

18. do you wish you were back at your lowest weight? Meh. Yes and no. Back then was a weird time.

21. do you wish you didn’t have an eating disorder? I will never not be weird about food. I don't really know what life is like without trying to change my weight.

23. how often do you weigh yourself? All the damn time.

24. thinspo or bonespo? I prefer thinspo because I don't like my behavior when I obsess over bones.

25. biggest problem area on your body? All of it.

26. favourite part of your body? I actually have perfect boobs at any weight I've been.

27. what kind of results do you want to see? I just want to look the way I like looking. Ah, and my face needs to get sharper. My face gets very bloated from weight gain.

28. do you purge? No.

29. do you take laxatives? I was a legit laxative addict from age 13 to about 20, but I'm more or less reformed. I haven't taken them in 2 weeks now.

30. how often do you purge? Zero times a day.

31. do you binge? Yeah, but not lately.

32. how long have you fasted for? I think 48 hours was my longest one, but I don't really care anymore because I'm not tryna faint when I'm out in my life.

33. who’s your biggest thinspiration? Myself when I was thinner tbh

34. favourite eating disorder movie/show/documentary? I don't really like those.

35. favourite thinspo picture? I'm on mobile so emmmm

36. can you post a photo of yourself/your body? NOT NOW. Holy shit, I'm so big. I don't know how anyone lives like this.

37. how does your eating disorder affect your life? When it gets bad, it is truly isolating. I don't want to be around friends, I can't understand normal people problems (because all I care about is one thing!), and I feel lonely. I try to minimize the isolating part as much as I can, but I know it's not possible to do so 100%.

39. do you follow a diet? No, I hate planning things.

41. has your eating disorder ruined any relationships? Yep.

42. do you have a “guilty pleasure” food? what is it? Various thicker soups. Chicken and rice.

43. meanspo or sweetspo? I do not understand the appeal of either tbh.

44. does anyone else in your life have an eating disorder? Yeah.

45. ever been inpatient? Yeah, as a kid though.

46. ever been outpatient? I've never had to do daily trips to a clinic, but I've seen therapists for my eating disorder while not living in a facility.

47. ever been in residential care? Wait, isn't that inpatient?

48. ever been in a psych ward? My inpatient was a psych ward. It wasn't a special ED only place.

49. are you currently in therapy? No.

50. what did you eat today? Half an order of French toast lol ty boyfriend

51. are you scared about the holidays? I was, but I proved to myself that I can be around tons of food and not binge over the past couple of days.

52. are your family/friends supportive? My close friends and family, yeah. I accidentally told a friend I'm not super close to about how I cried over the bagel I had to throw out and he was just like "🙃 what? Love yourself girl!!!" and I didn't even try to explain that I couldn't choose to eat the bagel out of "loving myself." Not eating it did not feel like deprivation. It felt like relief, but my logical mind knows that's scary.

53. have any other mental illnesses? I have really bad anxiety, but I'm on meds for it! It used to convince me I wasn't a real person and I felt like everyone around me was basically an NPC. Even though I knew it wasn't true, I was gripped with fear about it 24/7.

54. looking for ana buddies? I... Don't know? I like friends. Be my friend.

55. what is your current weight? 111.6 or so.

#hazel lives #i deleted some questions #ed questions #eating disorder questions #tw ed

1 note · View note

lindsayrps · 7 years

Text

violet beck char. dev.

ORIGINS & FAMILY:

• Name: violet jennifer beck • Nickname: vi, mostly. • Birthday: december 15th • Age: twenty eight • Gender: female • Place of birth: ventura, california • Places lived since: los angeles, ca; new york, ny; boston, ma; chicago, il. • Parents’ names, backgrounds, occupations: christopher & annette beck • Number of siblings: one younger sister • Relationship with family: closeish? vi's younger sister moved with her to chicago and they still talk pretty regularly with their parents who still live in california. they're big skypers and go back home for holidays and whatnot. • Children of her own?: nope. 

PHYSICAL

• Height: 5'8 • Build: tall and lanky. bit waif-y. • Disabilities: — • Complexion: fair • Face shape: oval • Hair color: brown • Usual hair style: depends on what the day requires. if she's not working she keeps it in a ponytail or top knot, otherwise, it's down and pretty straight. • Eye color: hazel • Glasses? Contacts?: both, mostly wears contacts but sometimes she can't be arsed to put them in so she goes the glasses route. • Style of dress/typical outfit(s): again, really depends on what the day requires. vi mostly likes comfortable things but can wear dresses and the like to work but tends to keep them more on the casual side than the fancier side. lotta black, too. • Typical style of shoes: combat boots, tbh. or flats or sneakers. • Grooming: little scruffy • Jewelry? Tattoos? Piercings?: minimal jewelry. she'll wear earrings and a necklace but otherwise, she'll pass. tattoos, one of undetermined design and ofc peircings. • Accent?: not really? • Unique mannerisms/physical habits: none, really? • Athletic?: not really? she loathes working out in any sort of gym setting but she's good to do stairs and standing all day. 

INTELLECT

• Level of education: television and broadcast journalism degree • Level of self esteem: she's pretty confident in herself, for sure. • Gifts/talents: oh god ha. um, stock answer of saying she's pretty creative and driven when she cares about something deeply, both in terms of her work on the podcast and work in general. • Shortcomings: her attention span is…very limited if she's not interested in something. • Style of speech: a little laidback in terms of the words she uses — she's v much from socal and you can tell — but she's occasionally very loud. • Artistic?: yep • Mathematical?: oh goodness no • Makes decisions based mostly on emotions, or on logic?: emotion • Neuroses: nah • Life philosophy: yolo, in a manner of speaking. vi doesn't have time or desire to linger on things she could've done better or differently or anything like that. • Religious stance: no thanks • Cautious or daring?: depends on the situation. • Most sensitive about/vulnerable to: people commenting on the state or her relationship w/ tom. like, yes, they've been together for a while but no they are not getting married if it ain't broke don't fix it pls stop asking • Optimist or pessimist?: optimist • Extrovert or introvert?: extrovert • Level of comfort with technology: hell yeah pass it here 

RELATIONSHIPS

• Current marital/relationship status: in a relationship with tom morris • Sexual orientation: bisexual • Past relationships: a handful but tom for the past few years. • Primary reason for being broken up with: flakiness • Primary reasons for breaking up with people: Wanting Different Things • A social person?: y e s • Most comfortable around: tom and daria • Oldest friend: daria • How does he think others perceive him?: idk she doesn't care but she hopes people think she's nice • How do others actually perceive him?: loud and obnoxious but passionate 

VOCATION

• Profession: video producer for a bf-esque company / co-host of seekers • Past occupations: intern, junior video producer, etc. • Attitude towards current job: she loves it!! it's, like, The Dream. • Attitude towards current coworkers, bosses, employees: loves 'em • Salary: enough 

SECRETS

• Dreams: opening another restaurant • Greatest fears: nothing substantial outside of, like, fashion fears, you know? • Most ashamed of: she's done some Crazy Things for work. eaten some weird shit she wishes she could go back and not eat. • Hobbies: podcasting w/ daria, hangin' out w/ tom. • Past sexual transgressions: none, really. • Crimes committed: nah • What he most wants to change about his current life: she's good. • What he most wants to change about his physical appearance: nope. 

DETAILS/QUIRKS

• Daily routine: wake up / shower / coffee & breakfast / work or podcasting/researching w/ daria / home / dinner / shower / maybe going out w/ some friends or tom depending on the day of the week. • Light or heavy sleeper?: light • Favorite food: korean-mexican. • Favorite book: ehhh • Favorite movie: [shrug] • Favorite song: [shrug] • Coffee or tea?: coffee. always coffee. • Type of car he drives: uhhhh some kind that i haven't thought about yet. • Lefty or righty?: righty • Favorite color: black. honestly lol. • Cusser?: yes • Smoker? Drinker? Drug user?: no/yes/no • Pets?: listen, boris is also violet's okay. but otherwise, no

#( ch: violet beck )#( t: development )

1 note · View note

studyfeather · 7 years

Note

✨ Sooo congrats again on reaching 1k!!! As for my day: It has been pretty chill today since it's the last day of my holiday :) But I'm actually pretty worried and nervous about tomorrow since I'll be getting my exam results back and I'm just scared of failing i guess. Idk how these exams turned out and it just feels like I didn't do well on them and as a consequence if they really weren't good I might not be able to get a place in med school or a scholarship. Idk i just have to wait i guess!

CYNTHIAAAA!! thank you so much!! and omg yes take all the break you can get; sit back and relax while you can! aaa I definitely know how that feels ; o ; not good at all. if you did your best (and knowing you I’m sure you did), then I am sure it will show. I’m rooting for you!! let me know how tomorrow goes xx

icon: who/what? | cute! | aesthetic love | can I steal it?!?

desktop theme: default | bit hard to navigate | minimal vibes | perfect | giVe mE the cODe!!

url: don’t get it? | ooo nice! | awesome!! | so jealous | can we trade? please??

original content: couldn’t find any? | good job! | pretty!! | #goals | plEase teacH ME YOur waYS

overall: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | + I will love your blog till the end of the time

compliments: tbh I visit your page so much, all I have to type in my browser is “mo” before your blog pops up :)) your original content is honestly one of my inspirations and love all of your watercolor blends. you’re one of my favorite people EVER and you’re just plain awesome anyways. thank you for being you! ♥

#but seriously please teach me your ways #ask #answered #moonshinestudies #1kfeatherrates #milestone

4 notes · View notes

toast-connoisseur · 5 years

Note

All the "Fill My Inbox"

fill my inbox 📬

1. what’s the best thing that happened to you today? -Honestly, I’ve been super sick so my doctor gave me a steroid shot and it helped me feel so so much better!

2. where do you see yourself living in 10 years? -Hopefully in a new house with either roommates or the love of my life.

3. apartment or house? -I don’t mind either but now that I’ve bought a house and understand how it works, I would rather own property.

4. has your aesthetic changed at all in the last year? -Absolutely. Minimalism is my new fav.

5. what is something you’re proud of? -The amount of growth I’ve had in the past two years.

6. name three books that changed your life. -It’s going to sound so cheesy but in middle school, when the Twilight craze happened, the books made me enjoy reading again.

7. do you have a favorite podcast? -I don’t follow any much, but a friend once recommended one that was amazing and I fell in love with. It was an episode of The Read called Cheerleading. Something said during 1:30 really hit me in the best way.

8. what three songs can you not get enough of right now? -Anything created by Lizzo, Motivation by Normani, and Lessons Learned by Matt and Kim.

9. favorite quote? -It’s actually from the podcast I mentioned above: “You cannot go back to move ahead.”

10. state an unpopular opinion that you have. -Apparently us all deserving basic human rights regardless of who we are is unpopular.

11. if you could live in any other decade, when & where would you choose? -I always say either the 40s or the 70s but only fashion/decoration wise. I’m not too fond of all the racism, sexism, and other negatives society had at that time.

12. describe your ideal date? -Honestly, any date is ideal when you’re with the ideal person. I’m pretty simple. A museum date, park date, or movie date would be fun for me.

13. are you currently crushing on anybody? -Aren’t the gay always?!

14. if you could have dinner with anybody, who would it be? -Beyoncé!

15. what time do you usually go to sleep & wake up? -Depends lately, but I’m usually an early sleeper (9PM) because I work early.

16. what’s your favorite instrument? -I played saxophone but I love the piano even though I never learned how to play it.

17. what song do you love dancing to? -I love club mixes. Going to a club with good music is the best.

18. what’s a topic that you wish you knew more about? -I love learning history now that I know everything I learned in school was white washed so learning real history is interesting. Just hate how sad it is.

19. got a random fact you’ve been holding on to? -All leaves have symmetry!

20. favorite fruit & vegetable? -Fruit: grapes, veggie: potatoes

21. what’s your favorite dish to cook? -I’m really good at cooking different types of chicken. So far everyone has loved when I make breaded chicken.

22. favorite beverage? -Water!

23. how are you feeling in this moment? -So much better than I was this morning. Kind of bored now lol

24. are you reading a book at the moment? what do you like about it? -I’m reading Stiff (the curious lives of human cadavers) by Mary Roach. It’s definitely been an interesting read learning what happens to donated cadavers.

25. name three songs that stir up the deepest emotions. -Anything by Alejandro Sanz, Dancing Queen by Abba, and I’m Already Gone by ADTR.

26. what’s your favorite season & why? -It used to be summer, but now it’s fall because of all the holidays!

27. when is your birthday? -January 22!

28. what do you do when you need to de-stress? -Usually hang out with friends or watch movies.

29. do you prefer spontaneous or pre-arranged plans? -Both? It honestly depends on who I’m with. With friends, spontaneous plans are the best!

30. name an experience in your life you wish you could do over? -All of 2018.

31. do you like the name you were given? if not, is there a different one you’d prefer? -Not really but when I think of other names, I’m unable to pick another one for myself tbh.

32. what’s your favorite weather? -Gloomy! We don’t get it often in sunny Los Angeles, CA but when we do, it’s fun.

33. are you satisfied with how your life is going right now? -To an extent. I would rather be doing more of what I love, but financial obligations have me kind of stuck.

34. describe a time that you were brave. -Again, all of 2018. Very messy year for me.

35. is there a movie you like better than the book it was based on? -Never. The book is always better, but the movies usually do them enough justice.

36. do you have a place you go to when you feel stressed/sad? -Disneyland!

37. what was the last thing that made you laugh? -My friends! Always talking about random things.

38. what time is it where you are? -4:44PM

39. what is something you’re excited for? -The future. I’m hoping things will get better.

40. got any summer plans? -Not just yet. My friends’ birthdays fall during that time, so I’m sure we’ll have something soon!

41. when was the last time you intentionally went out to see the sunrise? -Two weeks ago. I’m up before sunrise for work, so that’s usually when I see it.

42. favorite film genre? -Horror/Thriller.

43. coffee or tea? -Neither, but my friends would kill me if I didn’t choose coffee.

44. describe your body without using any negative adjectives. -I’m soft and curvy and perfect for cuddling!

45. is there a cover song that you like better than the original? -Ariana Grande is really good with cover songs.

46. are you on good terms with your parents? -To an extent.

47. are you in a relationship? if not, are you looking to be? -Not currently in one. Not crazy searching for one but I definitely wouldn’t mind being in one if the right person came by.

48. do you typically look for a partner with the same traits as you or someone to complement yours? -Complement for sure. I tend to like my opposite sometimes.

49. describe your aesthetic. -Retro/minimalist?

50. put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs to play. -He Like That by Fifth Harmony, Natural by Imagine Dragons, Defying Gravity (Live) by Idina Menzel, I Don’t Know You by Big Chocolate, Ugly Heart by G.R.L., Berlin by Brockhampton, Go Loko by YG, The ‘River by Good Charlotte, Good as Hell by Lizzo ft. Ariana Grande, and 1950 by King Princess.

0 notes