#mind you i'm at work singing it
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at home somewhere i don't like 😞 eating stuff off of motorbikes 😞 cumming to her lookalikes 😞
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pspspsps porretta besties from the dark place who refused to bring this song to its end here's a little something for you. 🎙️
#it'll take a while until I finish the extended mix but of course I had to start from this part#you can tell the man have been practicing - Dynamite was amazing and so fun but sounded like he didn't sing for a while#and out of sudden had to film his performance in a rush because it was pretty chaotic back then - or maybe just wasn't for his range#now it's clear that he had time to work on his singing voice and feel more comfortable with the songs#plus it sounds like he had fun recording them - at least I hope so since everyone seemed genuinely happy to be back after 13 years#and istfg I can hear him singing the final chorus as well (liiiiight / niiiight / to the suuurfaaace) but I couldn't find the files#but I didn't find Door and OGOA vocals for it either so it's all probably mixed in a single file which is the one we heard in the cutscene#love him love his voice and I'm happy to have experienced this level (the entire game actually) blind#his performance was spectacular (the drowning video is still in my mind since my first playthrough but hey that's for another post)#anyway#someone give this man a Pixar villain to VO PLEASE#and that fucking bass btw I love it#Matthew Porretta#Old Gods of Asgard#Herald of Darkness#Alan Wake 2#Remedy Entertainment#tinyclowntent#audio
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I just listened to a couple songs from current female artists who... all sound the same. Like they've all got that one particular kind of breathy pretty flawless voice. The way 90% of female singers seem to sound nowadays. It drives me bonkers. The only good thing about it is that it makes me feel like, "well, I may not have a very professionally-trained-sounding voice, but thank god I don't sound like THEM at least".
#there are a lot of specific things about my singing voice that i would like to work on#but i definitely don't ever want to lose my scratchy twangy messy scrappy sound#i fucking love that i don't sound like every other female singer out there and i don't ever want that 'trained out of me'#don't mind my bitching#i'm just resentful that the potential variety of female voices is so limited in popular music#meanwhile the men are out there with all these unique fantastic sounds and doing very well for themselves#tom waits; neil young; bob dylan; willie nelson; herbert grönemeyer; udo lindenberg; axl rose; joe strummer; etc.#you could argue that any of these guys don't sound 'pretty' (i would personally disagree. but i could understand the argument)#but each of them has a fucking fantastic voice AND they sound like THEMSELVES! you can't mistake those voices for anyone else!#ugh ugh ugh ugh i want there to be more expressive weird-sounding variation in women's voices#why are we all supposed to sound 'pretty' - and not just pretty but pretty in the EXACT SAME WAY?!?#drives me up the fckn wall. i swear to god sexism is SO ubiquitous#cosmo gyres#tag rant#about music#my music
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guy who's unaware he's gonna spend the next 3-5 hours reworking the lyrics of dream sweet in sea major: haha maybe i'll write a silly little narrative for my hmself, wouldn't that be fun? :)
#chemi chats#ALONE ON THE EDGE OF PERIPHERY COMES THE WRONG TUNE (OR MISREMEMBERING WHAT YOU KNOW)#the ideal way for this to work is to make a mashup of Dream Sweet/Isle Unto Thyself/Intro to the Snow and sing to it#which sounds cool in theory and in my head but i cant make that hfgjh i wish i knew music but i only know how to sing :')#their current names are Petal for Heart | Synapse for Mind | Soli for Soul :0 all are names for parts of a larger sum/whole#there's a vague storyline that i think is very interesting but parts of it might need to be scraped. hmmm alas. still very cool tho!!#''Petal (pedantic) / Synaptic (sycophantic) / A blade before the brow / A seam so it seems I *screamed*''#in theory the timeloop would be contained to just this song. And you can make them loop by sticking the song on repeat :]#Soli has a sword!! because what else would be in character for me lmao. He's music coded (a Soli is a solo done by more than one person!)#The conductor and the baton! Petal has flower imagery (instead of a blindfold he has a flower in his left eye)#I'm not sure what to do for Synapse exactly because synapses arent actually very aesthetically pleasing lmao#maybe star coding. because that's my other aesthetic? ough idk!! dont know about this guy hkjgh#im not very good at making characters hkjhg this is why im a fanartist hkjg#i am decent at writing lyrics and im very good at storytelling though so let's see what we can make~!!#but. not right now. bc i am soooo sleepy jhkjdhg
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Canary
It was forty years ago that the miners stood their ground To say "enough's enough" earning pennies to the pound And they held the line against the riot shields and the cops For the sake of what they needed, for what their living cost
It was dirty work but honest, or so the slogans said But the truth is all they needed was to earn their daily bread And they stood shoulder to shoulder, for all the world to see And I'm too young to know that kind of solidarity.
And I wonder after all this time If it makes it worse to know The canary in the coal mine Was when the coal mines closed
Now the cops wear body armour and they've opened up the shop They kettled kids in 2010 and now they lock them up And the armoured cars in '84 that got my mum afraid Are peanuts to the kit they bring out for the arms fairs and parades
They'll tell you Just Stop Oil and BLM are thugs Just like they did the pitsmen who were trying to keep their jobs And just like then they'll try a short, sharp shock And when it doesn't work they'll try an awful bloody lot
And I know it didn't start then But I can't quite shake the thought That the canary in the coal mine Was when the miners fought
And of course it wasn't perfect and they didn't bloody win The state that washed the lines away is the state we're living in But we should have seen it coming that it wouldn't end with strikes It was blackleg miners yesterday, today it's every fight.
We need it more than ever now, that strength of '84 To stand shoulder to shoulder for the hope of something more But we let it slip out past us in the spring of '85 And we're losing ground with every year, till protest can't survive
And I know it isn't hopeless I know the lines can hold But the canary in the coal mine Is still and dead and cold
And I wonder after all this time If there's any way to go The canary was the coal mine And the coal mines are all closed
#song#lyrics#day 5#because i haven't been to bed yet so in my mind it's still thursday#poetry#this is bad and i fully recognise and own that#but the point of this blog is to post half-finished and unpolished and generally not-great art as well as the good stuff so fuck it#i'm cringe but i'm free#and currently very depressed and angry politically#but. you know. nothing new there.#ukpol#one day i should learn to sing or play an instrument or do literally anything musical so i can see if my lyrics actually work as songs#i feel like probably no#anyway this is not a well-edited or coherent political thought don't give it too much weight#i'm just perpetually big mad about the consistent backsliding on human rights and workers' rights over the past half-century#and there's something deeply unsettling to me about how the police response in 84-85 would NOT be that abnormally brutal by today's standar#which does not mean it wasn't appalling! it does mean it's still appalling now.#THAT'S my coherent political thought basically#anyway fuck cops join a union have a great night
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Song of the Day: August 25
“Waterloo” by ABBA
#song of the day#missed one because I've been chopping days up hella weird. eight to twelve hours awake then two to four hours asleep kinda thing#Saturday that was let me think. we went to a bunch of Goodwills looking for shirts for Duncan & pants for Nick#probably '7' by Catfish & the Bottlemen#we started the new sibling playlist to see if Nick can tolerate it. mixed results and conflating variables so still ultimately unknown#but he does like this song at least and it does tend to stick in my head#'and I don't think through things / I never get time / cause I don't think things through'#anyway I'm calling it on Sunday because I just had to go plug my phone in and it's 4am anyway#song for today is 'Waterloo' by ABBA!#playing my way through my favorite movies as I work and The Martian was on. love that movie so much#'Waterloo! knowing my fate is to be with you / whoah whoah whoah whoah Waterloo / finally facing my Waterloo'#what a word to have become so important to history and culture. I love the shapes your mouth has to make as you say it#very very fun to sing to that big disco ABBA sound#don't even mind puttering around the house waiting for the kettle mouthing WAAAATERRRRLLLOOOO to myself like a fool later#this isn't even me sleep-deprived y'all I'm just too much a linguistics nerd and sometimes I get fond of a weird-shaped word
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*reading a thesis about the evolution of the concept of infinity in China with a large amount of tabs open with diverse articles or word combinations to further look for information, all the while seething, blood boiling* I wish Satoru Gojo would fucking cease to exist
#He's damn lab made I swear. I want to strangle him into inexistence. Brush him away from the realm of reality even in the subset of fiction#Only thing I'm not into are his looks. Like yes. He's handsome. But not my type at all. THANKFULLY#My friend keeps asking if I've kept watching. I'm still halfway through episode eight#But you see this is me enjoying this actually#I'm having a blast#A terrible one because I *am* getting attached to this character well beyond Cantor#And I vehemently don't want that#I can foresee this will be a problem as if I were both in the mess itself and moved on from it#Past and future converge in the present and I'm already there and I'm back there again all the while I'm here#Everything is at the same time and I can see what will be in what is because of the echo of what was#As if reading a reverberation of a sound into the future#I am so mad. So mad#He's lab made. I could eat him like a lollipop. I could strangle him to death.#I can't stop thinking about potentials implications and potential readings that most likely have no meaning nor place in the manga#I can't stop thinking about infinity. Again. Like years ago. And enjoying it. Again. Like years ago#Tipsy on exhilaration. Hazy because of nostalgia. Deeply frustrated by this mix. By all this#The past becoming present again and anticipating an unwanted emotiveness that could only break my ribs and leave me nothing again#Yet I can't stop thinking. I can't stop thinking about infinity and I can't stop thinking about Satoru in specific#but also the potential in the previous Gojos and the potential in Sukuna and it makes me wonder about Gojo's friend‚#wondering about the Continuum‚ wondering about the School of Names and the play on contradictions. And then Cusa#But of course. That's why I'm here. And it's so frustrating I want it all to burn#And I could sing but my blood is boiling and at the same time I want to go back in time#Every criticism I try to make to dismantle the princeling and my fondness for him I end up making work again#Perhaps if I read or watch more I'll be able to make it fail. Perhaps I won't like it as much as I could like it in my mind#Perhaps it will be worse‚ and so safe. I'm still halfway through episode eight. I keep watching on loop. I keep looking for books and papers#I could drink him like fresh water. I can foresee my drowning#Anyway...#I talk too much#Jujutsu Kaisen#I guess I should make a tag for my thoughts while watching/seeing this instead of just using the general tag
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.
#personal#bless my supervisor really#after lunch i'm half dead bored as shit trying not to fall asleep in my desk and she's like hey you and White Guy™ should work on this thing#i am soooo bad at playing it cool truly. the rumors are true i stopped aging after 19#but hey we spent 30 minutes at my desk and i did all my daily quota of looking#god. he's just. i just love hearing him talk. id rank his voice in the top ten things about him#i was just SPOILED today#he gets there early everyday so wheneve i come in he's preparing his breakfast in the kitchen. singing to himself and stuff#he literally had me sighing out loud as i walked to my bus stop#this is sabotage really because ive been on the cute girl grind as of late#last friday she was wearing this shirt with holes in the shoulders and the amount of skin i could see.....#i understand how the victorians felt basically#she's such a girlfailure...... and god she's so pretty#couldn't stop staring at the shape of her waist in the dress she wore today#she's so easy to talk to too. and perceptive and very thoughtful#okay i think that's enough#i hope you guys know that i'm holding myself back from rambling about every daily thing like this is middle school#i got it real bad#if you are on my mind all night and day blame it on mu youth..........
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She ain't got no money Her clothes are kinda funny Her hair is kinda wild and free Oh, but love grows Where my Rosemary goes And nobody knows like me
#bj dancing and singing in my headspace to this today lmao#he's a fall-in-love-and-enjoy-it-regardless-if-it's-requited-or-not mood today#i think that's something i like about him. ya he can get kinda melancholy about it not being returned (bc it would be nice) but overall he#really just. enjoys being in love with someone. that sort of wistfulness and flutter-in-his-chest sick-to-his-stomach-ness is...#...mm. it's like. feeling alive. hurting but in a nice way. a ''i will enjoy having you in my life for as long as you'll allow me'' way.#???? does that even make sense lmao#idk. he says he doesn't mind it. he appreciates the ability to feel it and to have people he *can* feel it toward. yk???#that said. i do think he still gets a bit jealous skdflskd. less so when he gets older. teen bj was very snarky about it.#adult bj has more control and lets go more easily. i think gannon was more complicated bc he *was* stringing bj along in a way.#and bj knew gannon had a thing for eddie despite.#anyway i'm talking too much. i want to be done with work and write.#from gutters and stars [aesthetic];#[music placeholder];#Spotify
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<3
#been thinking a lot about how whenever i have a dream or an idea marinating in my brain for long enough it then becomes something that i am#determined to pursue. and that no one can really dissuade me from#it simply becomes a permanent part of my creative direction in life#i guess you could say that's kind of the same thing as having a special interest but not QUITE#like for example. what i'm thinking of right now is my desire to start a band#and i come up with a lot of crazy ideas on a day to day basis but a good amount of them end up being simply fleeting or dictated by my mood#the ones that stay though... those are the one that actually HAPPEN#i've wanted to sing in a band for at least a year now#to be honest it's probably been longer but it's been at least a year of me being consciously aware of it#and it just made me realize. this desire has stuck around in my brain for quite a while now#and i think that means it is going to happen someday#i don't know exactly how yet because the way i originally thought it might happen (me going to music college) didn't work out#but it's been a year and i'm still thinking about it and keeping my eyes open in case i meet the right people to make music with#i know from experience that when i put my mind to something i WILL get it done#in the sense that i will surprise myself with how stubborn i can be when it comes to not stopping chasing my dreams#and i've had big goals in the past that i did achieve because of this#i'm also like. surprisingly adaptable??? i only recently learned that about myself but i be pulling Plan B's out of my sleeves#so that's all to say -- i'm choosing to believe that i will start my band someday and it will be better than i can imagine right now#and in general i'm choosing to believe that the things i truly love and truly want in my life will only become more clear over time#even if i'm confused and lost at times NOW... if i keep moving forward in time it will all make sense#and a lot of times situations do work out exactly the way they were meant to but in the most unexpected of ways#i don't know how coherent this all was but yeah#starting a band is only the most recent example#belle speaks
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it's crayz bc i know my sisters will vent to each other about me/talk about me when i'm not there but *i* can't do that with either or them bc they always tell the other and it's like 🧍🏻♀️ well who am i supposed to vent to then🧍🏻♀️
#like i can. but i also in the back of my mind am like well this will probably get back to the one i'm venting about and then she'll be mad#so like. i'll just subject you guys to it bc a girlie needs to be able to vent for sanity#saur annoying tho i'll show my sister Anything like i'll send her a reel or a dance vid (bc she also likes kpop) and she Always#has to nitpick every single thing about it and *she* knows best of course bc she did xyz 20 years ago like girl....#like i'll send her stuff being like i like this or i think this looks neat and suddenly she's an expert on singing and dancing 🧍🏻♀️#and i know some stuff you can be like well that sucked without knowing anything bc you have eyes/ears but she Is an expert ofc#like i'm not sending her shit being like omg this is the most amazing dance ever this person is a Perfect Singer...#she also has Such internalized misogyny that she will bring up unprompted and it's always word for word the same thing like you cannot#complain about our other sister saying the same things a lot WHEN YOU DO THE SAME...#not even just about that but like in general she will bring up a topic unprompted and it's the same spiel every. single. time#i know we all repeat things we only have so many things to bring up but like. it drives me Nuts it's like a script#and i don't think she realizes she does it given that she complains about other people doing it but jfc girl#but her whole being the most special person ever thing coupled with the i'm an expert bc i did this 20 years ago thing... driving me insane#and her most special person thing coupled with the internalized misogyny... once again you are in your 30s please work on that#like it's so tired. it's been done it's run it's course let's move past it
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ummmm
#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~#my favorite image on this device btw ^#cw negative#cw vent#you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than-#-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so#but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but#my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i-#-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something-#-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because-#-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles-#-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all#i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me#i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years-#-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and-#-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great-#-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do?#how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time?#i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though#so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun-#-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!!#how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol#everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit#i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden
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I want you all to know that I am currently in the throws of trying to find a song to sing. At my non-theatrical job. Because my boss found out a bunch of us can sing. And she wants us to sing for the corporate-wide quick-lil podcast-y monthly system update thing we have.
Like. Okay so two of the staff members in the building can play the piano beautifully and this made her jump to the conclusion that we can all perform together...
#gg ramble#i had a couple ideas but i donno#i think I'm settling on 'the way I am' since it's a song people will know#and in my range#the other was Dusty Springfield's 'Spooky'#Rainbow Connection#or Summertime from Porgy and Bess#but like. why.#she is dead-set on having us sing too#my one coworker 'doesn't do acopella' (aka a chicken) and the other hates participating altogether#so. here we are.#the one other person who has sang so far is a ham and wants to be a tiktok influencer so badly it's weird#mind you i work in a doctor's office
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i want to try and start making/getting into animatics but the only idea i currently have for one involves putting it to a song and that's probably not the best thing to START learning with lmfao but go big or go home right, not like i'll be getting to it anytime soon with how goddamn busy i've been and how many other things i want to do first 🤣
#my idea came though because we're onto act 2 of chicago#shows at the end of the month and i'm so excited 🥳#but anyways velma's first song of the act 'i know a girl' is BIG FUCKING Emil to Bruce vibes lmfaoooo#its just so bitter and self pitying and funny and i can very much see emil thinking this way prior to all his self improvement 😂#like the context changes because in the play velma sings it watching roxie on the news after roxie reveals she's (faking) a pregnancy#whereas for this i'd imagine its emil watching bruce on the news from jail too but its bruce getting accepted onto the avengers lol#'now why didnt i think of that? 😒' 😂#i also think that how roxie acts in the song is perfect to show how emil SEES bruce#as someone putting on a show to get out of the exact spot emil's in not the innocent little scientist with a big bad hulk inside him 🙄#you know cause emil be projecting hardcore 🤣#i just think the lyrics fit well and there's a lot of moments that could be tweaked to make them fit the new context while keeping#the wording#like with roxie's whole 'the two of us' thing being bruce/hulk instead of roxie and her 'baby' 😂#this would be the most self indulgent thing i've ever made which is exactly why its a project i would like to work on#when i have more time. its a fun goal to keep in mind even if i'm the only one who finds it funny 😂#i know a girl#a girl who lands on top#you could put her face into a pail of slop#and she'd come up smellin' like a rose#how she does it heaven knows 😒 😂
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#showaddywaddy#when#get it together#1977#yes camera person#dave does a little dance so you zoom in on his butt#i like the way your mind works#thank you very much#omg buddy and rod they're SO CUTE LOOK AT THEM#also malcolm on drums right in the center of the stage up front#i love that#russ with the tags on his guitar i'm laughing#romeooooo#AL'S SMILE AAAAAAA#MY HEART#HE'S SO CUTE#i love this video so much#also the fact you can hear the audience singing along#it isn't live they're miming it but you can hear the crowd over the song being played#they're like YELLING along with it very loudly#they are me actually#showaddywaddy gifs
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Song of the Day: August 8
“Big Black Car" by Gregory Alan Isakov
#song of the day#I feel like I'm getting worse at keeping track of time. is that a thing you can get worse at?#insomnia baking me. hollowing out my brain like a lost-wax bronze cast of myself#I look the same at the end of the process but all the plasticity's gone now#anyway I dreamed I was mad at Duncan for stealing the shower when he knew I wanted a shower and went to angrily cook about it#and when I woke up I was so fascinated by the meal I'd angry-made in my dream that I was compelled to recreate it in the waking world#bag of frozen pork-cabbage-corn dumplings cooked in chicken broth instead of just water. set dumplings aside reserve broth#use broth as base for big bag cream potato soup mix (about half as much broth as the bag calls for water)#can of mushrooms can of green beans added to the soup. season with mushroom soy sauce and lots of white pepper#continue to thicken the soup. soup's gonna be a sauce. you're gonna be able to scoop it with a fork#ladle green-bean-casserole-soup-sauce over bowlsful of pork-cabbage-corn dumplings. sprinkle with fresh scallions#it was honestly incredible. kudos to dream-me for such inspiring concept work. how did she ever think of it#the magic of intermittent unconsciousness#lord I'm tired. anyhow I love this song. feels so calm and smooth to sing#'time has a way of throwing it all in your face / the past she is haunted the future is laced#hearbreak you know drives a big black car / swear I was in the back seat just minding my own'
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