#mimic voice ACT NORMAL ACT FUCKING NORMAL

[identityquest]

have some meyrin. as a treat

[eideticmemory]

DARLING & DANDELION | SPENCER REID

Spencer is a lot of things to you. Your baby daddy, your lover, your best friend, and a massive pain in your ass.

Word Count: 6k.

Warning/Includes: Dad!Spencer, smut, angst, hurt/comfort.

You haven’t even caught your breath yet and you go, “We can’t do this anymore.”

And Spencer’s, whose chest is still heaving up and down, goes, “Wh…what?”

“We can’t do this anymore,” you wipe sweat from your forehead. “It’s tacky.”

Spencer props himself up his elbow and turns his body to face you, “Tacky? What do you mean?”

“Don’t do that. You know what I mean.”

“It’s…I mean…we…it’s healthy.”

“Tuh!” you laugh. “That’s your professional opinion, doctor?”

“Yes. Yes, sex is good for the body and the mind.”

“What if…” you prop yourself up on your elbows, “It’s with your ex, who you can never work it out with, who you have a kid with, on an occasional and convenient basis?”

“From personal experience, it’s the best sex you can ever have,” he finishes his sentence with a devilish smile and you roll your eyes, poke your tongue out at him.

You shake your head, “I have to go. You have to go,” you get out of bed.

Spencer’s eyes scan over your naked body and he asks, “Why? Where are you going?”

“Gotta pick up Dandelion from my mom’s,” you tell him as you button your jeans.

“Can I come?”

“What? No.”

“Why not? I haven’t seen Dandy in a week.”

“It’s not about you seeing Dandy. It’s about my mom seeing you.”

“What? She loves me.”

“Duh, more than she loves me, but you know how she likes to pry. She’s gonna think we’re back together.”

“Ah! No, not that we’re back together,” he mocks. “You say that like it’s a bad thing, darling.”

“Well, it’s not a good thing. Put some clothes on.”

“Take your clothes off.”

“Oh, you wish.”

“Can I come?”

“You came about five minutes ago, mister. It’s time for you to go.”

He fakes a laugh, “You’re so clever. Can I come?”

“Are you going to keep asking?”

“Yes.”

“Ugh,” you roll your eyes. “Fine, just, put some fucking clothes on.”

“You’re so easy to wear down,” he giggles, and he hops up, gets himself dressed. You go to leave the room and he calls out to you, “Hey.”

He steps in front of you, takes a good look, and runs his hand over your hair, “I think it would be a good thing…”

You feel this lump in your throat, jammed in the center of your voice box, blocking any air, any words. You tear your eyes away from him and clear your throat, “God, I hate your haircut.”

He chuckles to himself as you maneuver around him and he follows you out to your car.

You ring your mom’s doorbell and say, “Need you to act normal, please.”

“Oh, so, not like we just came from having sex?”

“Exactly.”

You feel him squeeze your ass and you jump, swat at his arm, “Hey!”

“I’m just getting it all out now.”

And as you roll your eyes, the door opens and your mom greets you with nothing but an, “Oh!”

“Hey, mom,” you wave as you step inside.

“Hey, mom,” Spencer mimics and gives her a big hug.

“Well, this is a surprise, huh?”

“Wrapped up with a case early, darling said I could tag along.”

You round the corner into the living room and see Dandelion sitting in front of the TV, legs crisscrossed underneath her. You lean against the wall and just watch her for a moment. You scan over her features, your eyes landing on the tip of her nose that pokes out just like her dad’s. You clear your throat and she does a double take when she sees you.

“Mommy!” she shouts, and she hops up at lightning speed, rushing towards you as fast as her little feet will carry her.

You drop to your knees and let her crash into you, engulf her in your arms, hold her really tight. You pepper her face with kisses, saying, “Hi, baby, hi, baby!”

“Did you have a good day at work?” she asks you.

“Yes, baby. How was your day with Mimi?”

“We got ice cream.”

“No way!”

“Yes!”

“What kind of ice cream?”

“Chocolate,” she giggles.

“Ooh, that’s your favorite. Did you eat all of it?”

“Yes.”

“Every single bite?”

“Yes!”

“Where did it all go, huh?” You start to tickle her tummy and she falls over in laughter. “Here? Here?”

Her giggles are so loud and contagious that you smile so wide, it hurts your face. “Guess what? I have a surprise for you.”

“For me?”

“Yes, you,” you tickle her face. “Look,” you stand her up. “Look who’s here.”

On queue, Spencer pops his head around the corner and Dandelion’s eyes light up. She jumps up and down, screaming, “Daddy!”

“Dandy!” Spencer exclaims, and he scoops her up in his arms.

You stand up as he walks her into the living room, pecking soft kisses all over her face, twirling her around, “Oh, I missed you. I missed you so much.”

You watch the two of them, Spencer sat on the couch with Dandelion in his lap, his arms around her protectively. And as you settle into the peace of it all, something - someone - pinches you very hard and they won’t let go.

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,” you wince, as your mom drags you into the kitchen.

“What the hell is Spencer doing here?” she whispers.

She stands in front of you with her arms crossed and you suddenly feel like a little girl. You cut your eyes over to Spencer and Dandy very briefly and stutter, “He…told you. They finished the case early and he asked if he could come see Dandy.”

“Mmhmm…” she nods.

“Mom, please,” you groan.

“Don’t mom, please me. What is going on?”

“Nothing is going on. I…we…he wanted to come see Dandy, so I let him come see Dandy. Coparenting 101, I don’t understand why you’re so suspicious.”

“What…what is this…” she reaches in and pulls down the collar of your shirt to reveal your neck. “Is…is that a hickey? Oh, [y/n], c’mon. What are you? 15?”

“No, no, I…burnt myself with a flat iron.”

She sighs, “I hope you know what you’re doing here, kid.”

“I’m not doing anything. Nothing is happening. I…”

“Shush,” she tells you and you turn around as Spencer enters the kitchen.

“Darling?” he calls.

“Hm?” you reply.

“Could I, uh, could Dandy come home with me? I’ll be off tomorrow and I can watch her while you’re at work and you could pick her up after?”

You and your mom exchange a glance and you cross your arms defensively, “Sure,” you nod at him. “Sure, if Dandy’s okay with that.”

“Thank you!” he gives you a quick kiss on the cheek and your mom raises her eyebrows at you.

Spencer runs back into the living room, chanting, “Daddy and Dandy day! Daddy and Dandy day! Daddy and Dandy day!” and Dandelion bursts into laughter, repeating him, going, “Daddy and Dandy day! Daddy and Dandy day!”

“Does he know nothing is happening?” your mom asks you.

“Spencer’s a smart boy, mom. Don’t worry about him.”

“And yet,” she sucks her teeth. “He’s a complete dumbass when it comes to you.”

Spencer asks if you can drive them to the park. There, JJ meets you with Henry. Dandy and him are close in age. In fact, Spencer had just returned from seeing Henry in the hospital when you told him you were pregnant. It was not your best timing, considering his familial trauma and all, but it had to be done. This puts Henry at 4 and Dandy running in close second at 6 months behind. JJ takes a seat next to you on the bench, watching Spencer run around with the kids. There are the casual aspects of conversation. The how are yous and how’s work and anecdotes about the kids and then she asks, “So, what’s going on between you two?”

“Ugh,” you groan. “Is there a sign on my face today or something?”

“Sore subject?” she grins.

“No. Nothing sore about it. Nothing’s going on…” you look at her from the corner of your eye, then turn your head, “Why? Why, did he say something to you?”

“No.”

A beat passes.

“You seem disappointed by that,” she adds.

“Oh, no. Don’t do that. Do not profile me. You know I hate it when you guys do that.”

She laughs, “Well, I lied. He talks about you all the time.”

You bite down on your lip and look away.

A beat passes.

JJ says, “You seem pleased by that.”

You drive Spencer and Dandelion to his apartment and she runs in like she owns the place.

“Okay, so,” you hold out her backpack for him. “She’s got a change of clothes in here, some hair clips, some ties, oh, uh, how much of her body wash and shampoo do you have left? Because I don’t think I put any in here…”

When you look up and he’s giving you a blank stare, you go, “What?”

“You’re not gonna come in?”

“It’ll just confuse her.”

Spencer wants to argue. He wants to sweet talk you and coax you inside, but coparenting 101, “No, yeah, you’re right.”

He watches you kiss Dandelion goodbye and when she runs back inside, he says, “Call you at bedtime?”

“Yes. Please.”

He has that look in his eye like he wants to kiss you, you know it well. So you leave before he can get a chance.

When you’re laying in bed that night, Spencer calls you on FaceTime and he sets you up on the nightstand so you can see them both. Dandelion laying in bed and Spencer kneeling beside her.

“Hi, mommy!” They say in unison.

“Hi,” you giggle.

“We were just about to pick Dandy’s story for the night,” Spencer tells you. “Dandy?”

She tilts her head.

“What story do you want tonight, baby?”

“Ummm…” she hums, giggling, “The story about my name.”

“Ohhh, that’s a good story,” Spencer grins.

“That is a good story,” you smile.

Spencer holds Dandelion’s hands in his and starts, in this sweet, soft voice, “Once upon a time…there was a mommy and a daddy. And they loved each other sooo much that they were gonna have a…”

“Baby!” she finishes for him and he chuckles.

“That’s right, they were gonna have a baby! And the mommy and daddy were sooo excited about their baby, they just couldn’t wait. But when the time came for the baby to come…”

“She didn’t wanna come out!” Dandy laughs.

“No, no, no, the baby didn’t wanna come out. She wanted to stay warm and cozy in the mommy’s belly. So, the mommy and daddy tried everything to get their baby to come out, but nothing worked! Until one day, they went for a walk at the park. And the mommy was so big that she walked like this…” Spencer mimics your trademark waddle and the two of you laugh at him, you rolling your eyes at the screen. “And they walked and walked and walked and nothing was working. Until, this big, big gust of wind came by…”

He flails his arms, going, “Whoooooosh!” and Dandelion mimics him.

“It was so big, it almost knocked the mommy and daddy over. And when the wind stopped, this tiny, small dandelion floated out of the sky and landed right on the mommy’s belly…and then…”

“Pop!” they say in sync.

“The baby was ready to come out! So the daddy took the mommy to the hospital and out came the most beautiful baby the world has ever, ever seen. The mommy and daddy were so happy and they loved her so much. But they still had to pick a name for her. So after they thought and thought and thought, they named her…”

“Diana Dandelion Reid,” she smiles.

“That’s right,” Spencer nods. “But we just call you Dandy.”

Dandelion smiles as Spencer places a kiss on her nose. “Goodnight, baby. Say good night to mommy,” he grabs his phone and holds it up to her.

“Goodnight, mommy,” she tells you and your heart just melts.

“Goodnight, baby,” you whisper. “I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

She nods and rolls over as Spencer turns out the lamp, leaving her to sleep. Once he’s out of the room, he closes the door and gives you a soft smile.

“Thanks for joining us, darling.”

You smile, nod, “It’s a good story.”

“The best.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Looking forward to it.”

While you’re at work the next day, Spencer sends you a picture of the two of them out on the lake.

S: Pedal boats today!

You giggle to yourself.

Y: Omg so fun!! I thought you were afraid of open water?

S: I was terrified but she begged and begged and begged! What was I supposed to do???

Y: 😂😂😂

You pick up Dandelion after work and she is distraught.

“I don’t want daddy to go!” she cries and you see Spencer’s heart break. You can hear it.

“He’ll be back, baby, he always come back,” you whisper, rubbing her back.

“No-oo-oo!” she cries and reaches up for Spencer who scoops her into his arms before she can ball her hands into a fist.

“Hey, hey, hey, Dandy, look at me,” he cooes. He wipes the tears from her eyes, “You and mommy are going to call me everyday, huh? And you’ll tell me all about your fun day with Mimi and we’ll do your story before bed and I promise you, I will be back before you know it. Okay?”

She sniffles, gives him a sad nod.

“Okay, give me a hug,” he says and they squeeze each other real tight. “You, too, mommy,” he holds his other arm open for you and you hesitate, but only for a moment, and then you step in and wrap your arms around both of them.

“Mmm,” he hums happily, gives you both a kiss on the cheek, “My girls. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Dandelion lets Spencer hand her over to you and he waves until you guys are out of the door and all the way down the stairs. Then he exhales all the air in his chest and he cries. But only for a little bit.

He’s gone for a little over two weeks. The day he comes back, he doesn’t really give you any notice, he just texts: Back in town. What are you up to?

And you, still at work, reply: Nothin. Workin.

S: Lunch?

You meet him at a restaurant down the street and when you walk in, he gets so excited that he stands up to wave and knocks all the silverware off the table. Your hand flies to your mouth as it all falls to the floor in a loud sequence of clangs and booms and you watch him scramble to pick it all up. People are staring and as you make the decision to walk over to him, it’s like you’re saying to everyone: yep, he’s mine!

“Hi, darling,” he huffs, his face bright red.

“Hi,” you laugh.

He takes you in a warm embrace and you hold the back of his head in your hand.

“Oh, I missed you,” he says.

“We missed you, too.”

He’s not supposed to, but like he always has, he tells you all about the case they were working on. Full of twists and turns and gorey details that make you sick to your stomach but, somehow, you can still eat. He asks about Dandy and that leads you into the dreaded preschool conversation and you both shut it down instantly.

“How did she get so big?” he asks.

“We just…kept feeding her,” you laugh and he chuckles, shaking his head.

“Time needs to slow down. Seriously. It’s happening too fast.”

“I know. I know, I know, but we’ve got so much more to look forward to, y’know? First day of school and science fairs and graduations…”

“Ah-ah! No, no, none of that. She’s gonna be little forever.”

“You’re in denial, doctor.”

“Well, duh.”

“Here’s the check, you guys,” the waiter interrupts. “No rush, though. Take your time.”

“Thanks,” you say in unison.

“He only brought one check?” you question.

Spencer raises his eyebrows at you.

“And he gave it to you? How caveman of him.”

“Now, now, darling, stand down. Let me pay for your food.”

“I mean, of course I’m going to let you pay for it. I just don’t like the assumption.”

“What assumption?” he smirks.

“I…you really like driving me insane, don’t you?”

He cackles and nods, “Yeah, actually. Kinda my job.”

You laugh and lean into him a bit. The booth you two are in has you sandwiched shoulder to shoulder, and sure, there is plenty of room for there to be distance between you two, but you don’t want there to be. You look at his neck and reach in. As your fingertip touches his skin, you can feel his pulse kick up. You pull the chain from underneath his shirt and let the dandelion pendant fall to his chest.

“Where’s yours?” he asks and his fingertips trail over your collarbone, grabbing onto your matching necklace.

You release his chain, but he won’t let go off yours and he’s giving you that look and you just shake your head, “I should really get back to work.”

When you get to his place, the two of you burst through the door, bodies mangled and tangled together, lips mushed into each other’s faces. Spencer’s got his arms wrapped tight around your waist and your hands have gotten lost in his hair. As he pushes you backwards, you trip over a barbie doll and nearly fall over but he catches you.

“You okay?” he mumbles.

“Mhm,” you nod, and you whip your bodies around, push him onto the couch. He lands with a deep, “oof!” and watches you crawl into his lap. His eyelids drop, feeling the warmth of your hand on his face and your lips on his neck. He grips onto your waist, bunches your dress up in his hands and you work to unbutton his shirt.

You breathe into each other’s mouths, out of breath and grinding against one another on a constant, rhythmic loop.

“Mm,” you moan as he licks down your neck. “Do you have a condom?”

“Mm,” he ponders, “Condom, condom, condom…yes!” And he throws you off of him, leaving you laying on your back while he runs into his room. You slide your panties off and he returns with the packet in hand and falls right on top of you.

His body perched between your legs, you undo his pants and take his jaw in your hands, put your tongue in his mouth. He puts the condom on and holds onto the couch as he pushes all the way into you. You both gasp and Spencer crashes on top of you, catching you in a messy kiss. You pull your legs back for him and he starts pounding into you with this rhythm that you love and he knows that you love. He peppers soft kisses all over your face and grunts into your ear, grips onto your jaw so he can look you in the eye. He thrusts into you so quickly and with so much force that the couch is rattling around on the floor and your head is getting knocked off the edge of the couch. But he’s got you.

Your moans bounce off the walls and your mouth is wide open as you scream, “Fuck!”

As Spencer leans into kiss you, the both of you lose your balance and go sliding off the couch.

“Oh, shit!” you gasp, and try to hold on, but it’s too late and you guys fall on the floor, Spencer groaning as he breaks your fall.

“Oh, my god,” you whisper, leaning down to comfort him. “Oh, my god, are you okay?”

“I’m okay, just…just do that thing with your hips that I like,” he huffs.

You readjust, “This?” you pant as you start to grind your hips on his cock.

“Oh, yeah,” he moans, his eyes falling shut and his head rolling back. “Yeah, that’s it.”

You lean back, resting your hands on his knees and bounce on him, your mouth falling open. He paws at your breasts and pulls at the fabric of your dress. He knows you’re about to come because he knows you, and he knows your body and he can feel you tightening around him, your hips increasing in speed. Your voice starts to get real whiny and you pound your palms into his chest.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you whimper and all he can do is watch, and hold himself back until you get there.

He takes your nipple into his mouth and you tangle your fingers in his hair and grind yourself against him until your whole body tenses up and trembles. You come with his face in your chest and your eyes rolling so far back in your head that you go blind. It only takes a few more motions of your hips for him to follow behind you and he holds onto you for dear life, muffling his groans against your skin.

You both fall onto the floor, still holding each other, trying to catch your breath. Spencer grips onto your hair and kisses you passionately, repeatedly, and casually says, “Love you.”

You can’t stop the visceral reaction you have. You just sit up and stare at him, your eyes big and wide. “I…” you stutter, give him a friendly pat on the face, “Love you…I have to go.”

He watches, dazed and confused, as you hop off of him and fix your dress, “You’re making me feel cheap here, darling.”

You laugh, awkwardly, “No, no, I just, I’m so late for work. I have to get back,” you trip over your panties as you pull them up your legs and swear, “Shit!”

Spencer fixes his pants and stands up, striding over to you, “I freaked you out…”

“What? No. You didn’t freak me out.”

“Because, I can say I don’t love you if it’ll fix it.”

“I’m not freaked out.”

“I don’t love you, I…hate you actually.”

“I’m just late for work,” you try to slide out the door but he reaches out for you.

“Wait, wait,” he calls. “I thought I could maybe see Dandy today?”

“Uh, yeah, she’s at my mom’s just, go whenever,” you shrug. “I have to go. Bye.”

“Darling?” he calls, but you close the door on him.

Your body shivers and you march down the hallway, down the stairs and back on your way to work. When your shift ends, you head over to your mom’s and she opens the door with a bright smile, “Hello, my love!”

“Hi,” you groan as you step inside.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, just, rough day. Need to see my Dandy…” you round the corner and see Spencer playing with her in the living room, so you push yourself back, your mom along with you.

“What the hell is he doing here?” you whisper.

“He’s been here for a few hours. He said he told you?”

“He…I mean…yeah, he did. Why is he still here?”

“I don’t know, [y/n], maybe to be an active, caring father? Crucify the boy, why don’t you?”

Your heart is pounding out of your chest and you tug on your hair with a rush of anxiety.

“[y/n]…” your mom says. “What is going on?”

You sigh and lean against the wall, “I don’t know what I’m doing…you were right, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

And she steps in, grabs your shoulders, takes a deep breath. You follow her. In and out, in and out.

“Well, then,” she nods. “You better figure it the fuck out, baby.”

“I know. I know, I know.”

“Mommy?” Your heads turn to the sound of the tiny voice and Dandelion looks up at you with wide, innocent eyes and every bit of tightness in your chest just dissipates.

“Hi, honey,” you coo and you instantly lean down to pick her up. “Oh, hi, you. Hi, my baby.”

Spencer follows her out there and waves, casually, “Hi, mommy.”

“Hi,” you nod to him.

“Me and daddy made a castle,” Dandelion tells you. “Come look!”

“Oh, yes, show me, show me!”

You follow her into the living room, leaving Spencer with your mom. She purses her lips at him and then promptly walks by him, giving his shoulder a harsh slap.

“Ow!” he exclaims. “What did I do?”

Spencer takes Dandelion home for the night. It’s a Friday so he plans to have her all weekend and most of next week which is fine with you. It’ll give you time to rest and reflect and figure it the fuck out. Spencer takes the hint. For once, he takes the hint and he only texts you sporadic updates.

So, when he calls you on Monday at four in the morning, you think he wants to have a talk. One of those conversations that you guys can never seem to have in the light of day.

“Hello?” you grumble.

“Hey,” he says. “Sorry I woke you up. Can you, um, can you come over?”

You sit up, “Why? Is Dandy okay?”

“Oh, yeah, she’s fine. She’s asleep. I, uh…there’s a case…”

You sigh. “Of course.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.” You’re already up to get dressed.

“Darling…”

“I’ll be there in ten,” and you hang up.

He sees your car pull in from the street and he has the door open for you when you get upstairs. He has his go-bag packed and he looks apologetic.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you. “I’ll make it up to you. Both of you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you wave him off. “I’ve got it. You can go.”

“Darling, you know I can’t…I…I didn’t ask to be called in.”

“No, well, duh. This is just one of those things, right?” you shrug. “One of those things I could never stand and I still can’t stand. I’m used to it. It’s fine. I’ll explain to Dandy.”

“This isn’t about the case…”

“Can you…please?”

“This is about the other day. When we…when I…”

“I’m not upset. Don’t project on me. I’m fine.”

“Oh, okay, that was convincing.”

“Why do you always have to do this?” you snap, keeping your voice down. “Without fail. You always do this.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Why do you always have to ruin a good thing? You always, always just have to suck the fun out of everything.”

He scoffs, goes to speak, and pauses, “Did it ever occur to you that…that it wasn’t fun for me, [y/n]?”

Oh, he’s serious. He used your real name.

“That I didn’t enjoy being yanked around and used like some toy?”

“I…oh, come on! Is your eidetic memory broken or something? You initiated it, remember? And if you did that just in hopes of us getting back together, that’s not fair. That’s so unfair.”

“I just wanted to be close to you. And, yeah, maybe that wasn’t fair. But I just…I’m having a hard time believing that it doesn’t work. That we don’t work, hey,” he grabs your shoulders, makes you stop shaking your head and look at him, “Maybe for all the hurt we’ve caused each other and all the baggage, maybe it’s just meant to work. We are meant to work, okay? Because I love you. I am so in love with you. I don’t know how to not be in love with you, look,” he puts your hand to his chest, “Feel how fast my heart is beating? It does not every time I’m around you. I can’t help it.”

“Please, stop.”

“And you’re telling me you don’t feel the same way?” he puts his hand to your ribs and your heart is pounding against his palm. “I don’t believe you.”

It takes you a moment before you can pry his hand away. You remove your hand from his chest, hold his hands in yours, and give him this sad, sad look.

You can see his shoulders fall in defeat, this heavy breath of air coming straight from his chest. He steps away and grabs his go-bag, stands up straight, “It’s a local case so I shouldn’t be gone too long. Kiss Dandy for me?”

You nod, but you can’t look at him. You let him place a kiss on your forehead and then he leaves. You lock the door behind him.

You crawl into bed with Dandelion and you stir for most of the night.

By the time you fall asleep, she wakes up twenty minutes later.

And so, life just kinda goes on. Spencer calls to talk to Dandy just before you go into work so you tell him to call your mom and he does. That’s the last you hear from him for the next couple of days until he calls you while you’re at work.

“Hello?” you answer.

“[y/n]?”

You pause for a moment, “JJ?” and then the realization hits you and you hop up from your desk, running out of the building.

There’s some words like “bomb” and “concussion” and “pavement” but they all blur together and you yell, “Just tell me what hospital!”

You can’t even remember where you parked your car. Everything is muffled and you rush around the crowded hospital in a frenzy. You can’t hear anything. Hell, you can barely see anything. Just Derek, holding an ice pack to his head, pointing you towards a room so you go.

When you see Spencer lying there, a big bandage wrapped around the circumference of his head and a doctor tracking his vitals, you can barely bring yourself to step in the room.

The doctor glances at you, then returns to his clipboard, “Are you his wife?”

You step in, slowly, bring yourself to Spencer’s side, “I’m, uh, the closest thing he’s got to one.”

He tells you there’s some swelling around Spencer’s brain, but it’s been drained. He can’t provide you with an exact estimate of when Spencer will wake up. If he ever wakes up. And as this man is talking to you in this stern, stoic voice, you just look at Spencer. You trace the structure of his face and put your hand on his chest. The doctor leaves and you still can’t pull yourself away from him.

“You did this on purpose,” you whisper, caressing his face. “You did this on purpose to make me feel bad, didn’t you? Because…because I was awful to you…I’m so sorry,” you sob. “I’m so sorry.”

You lay your head on his chest and cry, “Just don’t die. I can’t do this by myself, you hear me? Please, don’t, die.”

Spencer wouldn’t wake up for another four whole days. You sleep in the chair beside his bed until a nice nurse brings you a cot. Dandelion stays at your mom’s house and JJ offers, repeatedly, to give you a a chance to leave. Shower, eat, see your kid. But you’re so worried that if you leave, Spencer will die. So you fall asleep every night to the sound of his heartbeat on the monitor and if it ever should stop, you would know. On day four, you pop your head up from a few hours sleep and he’s watching you. His eyes are hooded and grey, but they are open, you can tell. You hop up and rush over to him, gently setting your hands on his body.

“Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Hi! Hi! Hi, Spencer,” you sob. “Oh, my god.”

He stares at you for a moment, then his eyes scan the room. He looks back at you, “Who…” his voice breaks, “Are you?”

Your eyes go wide and you let out this defeated sound. You don’t even know where to begin. You don’t know how to respond or what to do or how to feel. You think you’re gonna crumble to your knees. And then he smiles.

“I’m just messing with you, darling.”

“Ugh!” you shout and you start slamming your palms into his chest. “That’s not funny!”

“Ow! Ow! Ow!” he laughs. “Okay, okay, okay, I’m injured here!”

You take his face in your hands and give him a long kiss. You can hear his heart rate go up on the monitor.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” he mumbles, as you hug him. “I’m…I’m sorry for everything.”

“No, stop that. Not important. Ridiculously unimportant, okay? Don’t even think about it.”

He nods and breathes you in, “You…stink. When was the last time you showered?”

“That would be…like, the day you were blown up.”

“Ah. When was that?”

“Four days ago.”

“Holy shit.”

You giggle, “Did you just say a bad word, doctor l?”

“Fuck, cut me some slack! I slept through hump day.”

You press your nose against his and laugh and the world feels okay again.

Spencer has to stay in the hospital for another week before you can bring him home. Dandelion is back in her own bed and she just thinks Spencer has gone on a long, long trip. She’s at your mom’s when you get Spencer to his apartment and he begs to see her. Even when his head is still killing him, he begs to see her.

“Tomorrow,” you say as you tuck him into bed. “You’ve still got that scary raccoon look going on. Don’t wanna freak her out.”

“Tomorrow? You promise?”

“I promised the both of you. Tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

He curls up and notices you crawl in bed beside him, “Darling, you don’t have to sleep here.”

“Shhhh,” you whisper, run your hand through his hair, “Go to sleep.”

The next day, he is more like himself. Maybe it’s the adrenaline he gets from the prospect of seeing his daughter, maybe it’s waking up next to you in the morning, but either way, he looks like himself and he talks like himself and he can’t wait to go to the park.

Your mom meets you there with Dandelion and she trips over her feet running to Spencer. She crashes into him and nearly knocks him over, and you can tell it hurts him, but he takes it and kisses her face.

“Where were you, daddy?”

“Oh, on a long, long trip, baby. But I’m back now.”

“I missed you!”

“Oh, Dandy,” he squeezes her tight. “You have no idea.”

He plays for as long as he can. He climbs the playset and runs around playing tag and hide and seek until his breath nearly gives out. He runs over to the bench you and your mom are sat on and huffs, “Can someone else push her on the swing before I pass out?”

The two of you laugh and your mom says, “I’ll go.”

“Thanks,” Spencer takes her spot beside you and his head falls into your lap. “Phew! Tell you what, a coma seriously bends you out of shape.”

“Well, you weren’t all that much in shape before the coma.”

“Ugh,” he groans. “You sound like the fitness personnel at the academy. What does in shape even mean?”

You cackle and he puts his arm over your shoulder. The two of you watch Dandy on the swing. Up and down, up and down, higher and higher, until her laughter is echoing around the park.

“You know…” you start. “Maybe it wouldn’t be…the worst thing in the world…”

Spencer doesn’t even have to ask what you’re talking about, he just looks at you and smiles, “Really?”

You give him a sly shrug.

He looks away from you, trying to keep himself from smiling so hard that his face rips in half. “I…I’m sorry - it’s because I got blown up, isn’t it?”

“Just shut up,” you laugh.

“You can tell me the truth, I won’t be mad.”

“You know what? I take it back, you get on my nerves. Oof!” you exclaim as he suddenly takes you into a tight hug. And for the first time in a long time, you feel a calm, serene peace.

“Yeah, well,” he says, “Sorry, too late.”

[torturedtypewritersdept]

of canyons + wildflowers - pt. one

✯ pairing:

ex!cowboy!rafe cameron x fem!reader

✯ summary:

it's time to head home to Montana

✯ warnings:

mature themes, mentions of anxiety, mentions of Montana, nostalgia, heartbreak, injury, ghosting, fluff and fear, mentions of gunshot wounds (not rafe), etc.

✯ a/n:

nothing!! please don't engage if you have a hard time with any of these topics <3 this was origianlly posted on my old blog @/illicitfixations, @/lovelornanonymity and i have rewritten + reshared it here :) trying out a new format with this post, hope you like it!

This isn’t your scene – well, it was at one point in time. But, it’s not now. Not anymore. The barstool you are perched on is rickety. It compliments the aged wood floors beneath you well. You’re shocked really, because you were sure all traces of life outside of the city were left behind when you packed up your car and fled from Montana. It’s been so long since you’ve been in a situation like this, remnants of home littered around you. It feels foreign, like a life you were meant to live but didn’t. You were almost positive that New York didn’t have dive bars, yet, here you were; in one. You cursed Danica, thinking about how she practically threatened to kill you if you wasted one more minute on your hometown sweetheart, whose name you’d never reveal to her. This version of you is what she knew; an act on your part that was purposeful in an attempt to erase the girl you used to be – the girl that only he could know. She’d never know the girl that he knew or the pain that was left in his wake. You’re not sure why she’d been so obsessed with finding you someone to have casual sex with. But she was. So, she did what she does best – she held her metaphorical loaded gun to your head and forced you onto Tinder; somewhere you swore you’d never be because it was fucking beneath you. You take a sip of the apple flavored beer in your hands, waiting for prince charming, hoping he wasn’t going to be a raging cunt. You’d had enough of that, you didn’t need more exposure to it. You almost don’t hear his voice over the music, but when you do, you turn quickly away with wide eyes and furrowed brows. Tall, dark, and handsome – that’s what he is, drenched in work clothes and a cowboy hat. For someone who didn’t know you pre-city, pre-business meetings, pre-college, she sure pulled this nightmarish trick out of her magician’s hat. For the normal broad, it’s a dream come true. But, for you, it’s quite frankly the worst scenario you could’ve possibly dreamed up. Because Patrick from New York isn’t your Rafe from Montana. He never could be because no one can mimic that kind of charisma – the kind that emulates blowing wind that knocks you off your horse, yet, somehow keeps you coming back for more. Nope, no one could ever be him and even if they could, you’re not interested. But, Patrick is easy on the eyes, that doesn’t get past you. Nor, does his sickly sweet southern drawl or attempt to have one. You can’t tell if he’s a real cowboy or not, or if he’s trying to emulate being a big fish in the small pond of New York – pretending to be something he’s not in an attempt to create an edge for himself. That’s what you’re trying to convince yourself of when he grabs your elbow and speaks again. 

“Well, howdy darlin’ – are you with me?” 

He questions, wondering if you are the girl that he’d been speaking with on the other end of the phone. That girl, she seemed to be pretty gungho to meet him, but as he approaches you and drinks you in, he’s not so sure that you’re her. 

“I’m y/n.” 

You smile warmly, though a bit dejected. 

“Patrick.” 

He replied, his smile assaulting you like molasses on your tongue. It’s not fair how smooth he feels against your skin when he speaks. It should create butterflies in your tummy, but it doesn’t. Instead, all you can think of is blue eyes and the purple hues of a Montana skyline and a horse named bronco. It makes you miss home, miss him; to have a stranger this eerily similar to him in your vicinity. You know Patrick can’t win the great war between your heart and Rafe mother fucking Cameron – no one can. Many have tried and no one has ever succeeded. 

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think I need to go home.” 

You said, kindly. 

“Am I that bad looking?” 

He replies with a smirk and a deep chuckle. It’s something Rafe would say, you notate on the invisible pen pad in your brain. You almost smile, but you don’t, your face instead sporting a furrowed brow at his insinuation that you need to find him cheeky. 

“Patrick – it’s Patrick right?” 

You ask and his smile lines seem to retreat back toward his lips, the fullness of his cheeks that are adorned with a five o’clock shadow is dissipating before your very eyes. He nods at your question after pondering on it for a moment. 

“I’ll spare you the ‘it’s not you, it’s me' speech. It’ll save us both some embarrassment, just know that it really is me and no matter how inviting and warm you seem, nothing will change that.” 

He smiles at you again. This time it’s confusing – the way he wears his smirk almost earnestly. 

“So, what’s his name then?” 

He asks, tucking a stray hair away from your eyes that were now cast down toward the beer in your hands. Your eyes almost pop out of your skull as your gaze shot up toward his chiseled jaw. Shock littered your features as this total stranger saw right through you. 

“What?” 

You asked, mouth agape. 

“You heard me darlin’ – what’s his name?” 

He asks again and you chuckle dryly. 

“Rafe. Rafe Cameron.” 

You whisper in what you think is a voice only loud enough for you to hear. But, you’re wrong. Patrick hears you and he nods, his hand coming to the small of your back. 

“I hope it works out with Rafe, sweet girl. But, he’s a loser for letting you go.” 

You chuckle at his remark, brought out of the conversation you’re in as your phone rings – Dad littering your screen. 

“Excuse me, I’ve gotta take this. It’s my dad.” 

You mutter, pushing through the crowd and answering the phone as you exit the doors, the crisp autumn new york air hitting your skin. 

“Hey, daddy. What’s up?” 

You ask, as the ringing stops. 

“Hey, sweetheart. How’s your night?” 

He asks with a quiver in his voice. 

“You saved me from a bad date, actually. What’s wrong? You sound funny.” 

You ask, unsure why you’re so unnerved by his tone.

“listen, baby — you need to come home.” 

He states and immediately you know that something has gone morbidly wrong. The hair on the back of your neck stands up as you wait for the blow of his news. 

“What is it? Is it mom? O-or the horses? Does the ranch need money? What’s wrong daddy?” 

You can’t see it, but he’s smiling tearfully at your incessant questioning. You – always the worrier; his sweet girl. It guts him to tell you the truth.  

“It’s your brother, baby. He was shot. It’s touch and go right now. We don’t know if he’s going to make it. Just – just come home, baby.” 

You're gutted by the revelation. Yet, somehow you knew, like only a twin can. You weren’t aware of the home you were referring to when you had previously spoken to Patrick about leaving. But, now you are. 

Montana is no longer in the rearview mirror. That’s the last thing you think about before you frantically hail a cab to the airport with no thoughts of retrieving any of your belongings from your apartment. Getting to your brother, the only thing driving you.

TAGLIST:

@maybankslover @inthelibrarybtw @luvrcndy @silkylovey @yagirlwrites @obxbabygirl @rafeecameronsbitch @klutzy-kay24 @roseczbalt

[captain039]

PART 2 The predator grounds (Old man Logan)

Old man! Alpha! Logan x reader

Warnings: prey/predator, forced heats and ruts, sexual, smut, angst, age gap, claiming, swearing, nicknames, logan lets his feral side out, chubby reader, virgin reader(Is a slut) it works xD, harassment, sexual harassment, Logan’s a strong man babes he can throw you around 🫶🏻

Previous part <-

Has it been days? Hours? A damn week? You don’t know all you know is that either you need to get railed right away or you will possibly die. Logan’s quiet too quiet, won’t say a damn thing, won’t look at you. You can see his muscles all tensed and ready to fight his eyes narrowed on the entrance, like anyone would dare go near him. You’re at wits end you need something because frankly it’s horrible. You’re covered in sweat and your panties are drenched, your clothes stick uncomfortably to your skin, your heads too hot with your hair, and the need, the fucking need is crippling. You’ve never experienced a heat like this, usually it’s moderate, you can handle it, few orgasms here and there and you’re functional, this though, you think your mouths hung open and your eyes are drooping.

“Logan” you call your voice hoarse and he grunts, just grunts like an animal.

“Fuck you” you whine already even more pissed at him than you already were, he doesn’t have the decency to answer you like a normal fucking human. You’re wondering if you could just stumble out the cave scream like a female sloth and eventually another alpha will come. You barely register his growl and you mimic a mock growl back. You look to him and he’s looking back there’s something in his eyes, dangerous, on edge than normal, his pupils are blown and his muscles are tight.

“Don’t test me” he warns, it’s a deep alpha command that makes you all gooey on the inside and makes your stomach clench. Oh testing him sounds exciting, especially right now. You roll your eyes at him, you’ve played brat plenty of times with him out of sheer pettiness to get a rise out of him but he’s always too tired or doesn’t budge, but there’s something different with his induced rut and the way he’s looking.

“I’m starting to think I’ll go out there and just wander around see if another alpha finds me” you throw out and the whole body freeze and tense and deep frown he gives makes you grin on the inside.

“I need something, I feel like I’m dying, you’re not doing anything so you won’t mind” you continue watching him get impossibly tenser and more narrowed eyed.

“It’s not like you’re my alpha anyway why would you care what I do?” that does it, he’s quick, quicker than you’ve ever seen him, one minute you’re on the ground the next your upright and pressed against a rock, hand around your neck and a very pissed alpha in front of you. He’s panting heavily, actually you are too breaths mingling in front of you. He holds you up with a hand on your hip and one around your throat, he’s not squeezing though.

“Say that again” his voice is low and gravelly, his eyes might as well be black with how blown his pupils are.

“You’re not-“ he growls cutting you off it makes you shiver he leans down to your neck his breath fanning the hot skin there.

“You live with me, you’re under my protection, I say that qualifies as being ‘your’ alpha” he grits the words out with uneven breaths like he’s straining with control.

“You have no claim on me” you bite back. You know you’re signing your death warrant but he’s finally touching you. You’re a sick freak you know, you’ve always wanted him even outside of this fucked up place, you always want to take care of him and be a good omega for him, satisfy him, but your small acts and trying to be subtle about it get you nothing so you gave up with a heavy heart. He’s overly protective of you though, he will always go to the shops with you, you practically cannot leave the smelting plant without his knowledge or his presence, he does little things too, makes sure your washing is with the pile ready to be washed so it gets washed first, makes sure you have enough blankets and pillows, makes sure you’re never sick, god forbid you accidently hurt yourself he’s over you in a blink assessing the damage and making sure it heals quickly.

He freezes suddenly and lifts his head his hand moving from your throat and hip as he backs up a guilty look in his eyes. You feel your heart shatter and silently beg him not to go as he moves back to his side of the cave. You feel like crying, you fall back to the cave floor and lean against cold rock and bite back whatever tears are welling in your eyes.

You wake up with a small jolt and startle, frowning confused and dazed before it comes back. You sigh stretching your body hurting from sleeping against a cave wall. You sip some water from your water bottle and sigh frowning when you don’t see Logan.

“Logan?” You call getting up slowly and peeking out the cave.

“Logan?” You try again you walk out and around a bit and the worse comes to mind and you begin to panic. He wouldn’t have just left you, would he? That bastard. You’re grabbed suddenly, an alpha, his arms around your shoulders and waist keeping your arms pin as he chuckles against your ear. You almost gag and cringe at his scent and the feeling of him against you, it’s all kinds of wrong.

“Let me go!” You grind out struggling but he’s too strong.

“That old bastard finally left eh?” You want to kick and punch this alpha in the face and nuts for talking about your alpha.

“I’m way younger, I’ll be able to keep you satisfied” he purrs but it’s disgusting from him, you go into a freeze mode as his tongue swipes over your neck before he nibbles against that sacred spot. Your panic sets in at an all time high and you’re in fright mode, the alpha behind you chuckle as he kisses along your neck and holds you firmly. You’re trembling in the worst way, your heart rates through the roof when suddenly the man gasps in pain and goes limp before he’s throw off. You turn around, Logan’s got him pinned to the ground stabbing him over and over again with his metal claws a loud cry leaving the man’s lips before he stops, growls and turns to you. His claws sheath and he stands, he’s got a wild look in his eyes and you panic more suddenly thinking it’s your fault for all this, but his arms go around you, tugging you to his chest and he’s hushing you gently.

“You’re alright” he says voice hoarse but it jolts something in you and you’re holding onto the older alpha with all your strength.

“I couldn’t see you, you didn’t answer my calls- he came out of no where-“ you babble out quickly as he hushes you some more gently running his hand up and down your back.

“I heard you sweetheart, I was running back, I smelt a cache nearby I was gonna get us more food and water, I shouldn’t have left you” he clenches his jaw you feel it against your head.

“Sorry I didn’t get here sooner” he mutters.

“Don’t leave me again” you whisper and he nods against you. You’re still shaking, tears have spilled from your eyes and you feel all kinds of wrong from that alphas touch.

“Jump” he says and you frown as you feel him bend slightly and hook his arm under your thighs. You jump with what you have and he holds you easily, but it makes you worried as he walks back to the cave. You keep your arms around his neck and he grunts as he sits down you in his lap. God this feels- like heaven. You bask in it, his strength, his closeness, his warmth, the musky scent of strong alpha. You bury your face in his shoulder and relax against him trying to calm your shaking and racing heart down. He doesn’t say anything, just keeps his hand rubbing up and down your back soothingly his other arm around your lower waist. He moves his head a bit and breathes in a growl on his lips as he leans down more his nose pressed against your neck where that alpha had kissed and licked.

“Motherfucker” he grinds out and you tense omega pheromones going crazy trying to calm him down. He sighs when you do his arms tightening a bit around you.

“I’m sorry” he mutters and you relax as he relaxes.

“He felt wrong” you explain and you feel him tense briefly.

“Smelt wrong too” you add.

“He didn’t feel safe or warm, he felt too hot, too crowding, he smelt worse, like dead socks or something” Logan lets out a small scoff at your explanation of smell.

“He wasn’t your alpha that’s why” he states and you feel yourself tense a bit. No he wasn’t your alpha is holding you right now, but neither of you say anything about it.

Just comment if you wanna be tagged :)

Taglist:

@xxyaoi-nationxx

@jumpingjackalope

[wrathofrats]

Wrath my beloved, may we get a little hurt comfort Domdrop scene with RainDrop?

Yeah you can

This is just 1k of sap. It’s exactly what it says on the tin.

Rain wiped a damp cloth over Dews face.

His skin felt like it was burning, red and covered in sweat and other fluids. A small smile followed once the washcloth passed over him with a playful glint still in dews eye. His head still felt fuzzy, a sweet cozy feeling as he let rain clean him up after the long scene. The insides of his thighs still hurt from rains long nails holding him still. It stung as rain passed over them with the rough cloth, earning a small flinch from the fire ghoul.

“Sorry baby, gotta make sure you’re cleaned up” rain practically whispered with a guilty look on his face. His gaze lingered over the crescent shapes that seemed to be carved into his skin. They’d heal in time, they always did.

Rain always found these situations weirdly funny. That he could degrade and hit someone until they bled with little remorse, happiness in his actions even when the other ghoul eventually came down from their submissive state to thank him.

It was always the smaller incidents that happened to get to him. He didn’t intend on being mean, dew acted on a whim dragging rain into their room in hopes for a quick fuck to release some stress. But rain took control anyways. He tended to end up in charge unless dew clearly stated he wanted otherwise. Even when being sweet his words tended to stray towards strict and harsh, his actions leaving marks when not thinking about it.

“Raincloud? You ok? You look like you’re about to be ill” dew slowly sat up as rain continued to examine his skin. He placed his hand under rains chin to drive his gaze upwards in hopes of breaking whatever trance he seemed to be in.

The blood had at some point ran out of his face, the blue tinge to his cheeks no longer there. His eyes looked wider than normal while he played with his lip between his teeth.

“M fine dew, let’s get you dressed yeah?” Rain said, grabbing his clothes off the ground. Dew instinctively raised his arms as rain pulled her shirt over his head, punctuated with a peck on the lips as his head popped through as he always did.

The sense of normalcy was the only thing staving off whatever feelings rain could feel lingering in the back of his mind. The knowledge that something was wrong settled in his stomach as he hoped that dew would just drop it. He could sleep off whatever it was, as long as he had dew in his arms.

However the fire ghoul had never been known to let something go.

“Rain there’s something wrong, I can tell” dew gave the water ghoul a concerned look once he was fully dressed. Rain seemed uncanny, like he was trying to mimic someone else being calm instead of actually being ok himself. His face uncharacteristically still, movements almost too careful. Rain was known to come off as cold but this didn’t feel like the rain dew knew.

“No there’s not dew. I already said I’m fine so I don’t understand why you can’t drop it” rain snapped.

Rain gave a harsh glare before his face fell. Dew looked a bit hurt, startled at his harsh tone.

“Rainy I’m sorry-“

“No dew you didn’t do anything. I shouldn’t have snapped like that” rain avoided his gaze, instead shuffling to move the comforter back into position and over dew.

“What’s wrong? Did I say something earlier?” Dews tone softened as he reached for rain again as the blanket was pulled up to his chest. He moved over, motioning for rain to join him.

“You’ve done nothing wrong droplet. It’s me”

“Talk to me rain, mountains been making me do that voicing your feelings bullshit so I might as well make you too” rain gave him a small chuckle before dragging him closer into his side.

“I just worry I’m being too mean to you. I don’t want to hurt you, at least not without your consent. And sometimes I just feel like I’m being too much”

“Id tell you if I didn’t like it, you know that” dew said, looking up at rain who was attempting to bury his head in dews hair.

“But you don’t deserve to be hurt all the time. You deserve for me to love you and sometimes I feel like I’m not giving you that” rains voice became more restricted, trying to hold himself back. He hated feeling like this. He hated being on a borderline breakdown when he’s not even the one who should be upset. This was dews aftercare. Not his.

“I know you love me more than anything. I wouldn’t trust you if I didn’t think you did. I like it when your hurt me, I like it when you’re rough.”

“But I don’t think I like it when I’m rough” rain practically whispered, his grip tightening around dews t shirt.

“Then I’ll start asking you to be soft” dew dragged rains head down to his to pull him into a chaste kiss. More to hopefully stop the tears he knew were forming in rains eyes. Rain didn’t cry often, at least on his own accord.

“You don’t have to change your preferences for me dewdrop”

“I want you to be soft with me. I want you to make love to me and act like I’ll break if you push me too hard. I want what you want. I want you to be happy. I just want you rain.”

Rain just looked at him. Stared into his fiery eyes as dew rubbed his cheek with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, this is dumb” rain force chuckled.

“It’s not dumb, I love you” dew said. Rain gave a sad smile before leaning into him, breathing in his scent as if he would open his eyes and dew would be gone.

“Yeah, I love you too”

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Propaganda why Aang is insufferable:

He has some very bad ideas that the narrative never explores and gets rewarded by the narrative for bad behavior.

Mostly just the way he deals with his crush on Katara and kind of forces it on her. It’s honestly really shitty because she never truly reciprocated his feelings and had plenty of moments where she shows she’s just trying not to hurt his feelings with a straight up rejection, but ends up with him in the end just because that’s what he wanted.

Like we know what it looks like when Katara actually has a crush on someone, she wouldn’t let the situation like the war affect how she feels about demonstrating those feelings when she’s so in touch with them. Like how she was with Jet and Haru. I just wish the writing team did a better job of showing Katara developing feelings for Aang way better than they did lol.

Made a series that was otherwise reasonably tolerable impossible to watch. I hate that all the jokes written for his character target 8-year-olds exclusively. Also his little TV show keeps appearing on my dash no matter how many words I block and I hate it

Propaganda why Gregory is insufferable:

This boy is so poorly written, it hurts. In the gameplay, he just acts annoyed and pissed off the whole time. Then, in the endings, he becomes a whole other character who acts scared and sad, which does not match the previous hours of gameplay AT ALL

But that just annoyed me

What really made me hate him was the GGY and Robot Gregory stuff, because OH NO, Gregory could not just be a normal kid who got into this situation by chance, he has to be a robotic recreation of the Crying Child, despite not acting one bit like CC, or, according to the GGY story in the books, he's responsible for multiple murders and is Afton's/the Mimic's apprentice.

Just let this kid be fucking normal!

(Also, unlike a lot of people, I really enjoy what the Ruin DLC did to his character. And don't try to say that's still the mimic, the mimic recycles dialog from the main game. This Gregory uses completely unique dialog, and unless the mimic was able to form new words in his voice all of a sudden, that's still him. He had to make a tough decision, one life or over hundreds and I can respect that)

Suffers from being made into another one of Matpat's ""is actually a robot theory"". It is annoying as hell, especially if its canon. We do not need robot children theories in a game about possession, child murder and serial killers. Especially not dumb theories about him being a 'recreation' of someone with a completely different personality. It has completely ruined any enjoyment I had in that character because we're just going back to the Afton family again

Someone made a good point about how his personality seems to be reminiscent of a certain trend where a video game protagonist has to be snarky even though it would’ve worked better for the horror atmosphere if he was more scared because it would’ve made the player feel his fear. I recall people being surprised about his personality and expecting him to be more scared, and I assume the developers were just afraid of ppl calling Gregory “whiny”, but it still feels like a missed opportunity

[offical-ouroboros]

Someone pointed out the pure ease there is in yandere unknown and I absolutely approve of that oh my god

(Mostly rambling, what I feel a romantic relationship with it would be like at the bottom)

~☆

Between all the calm, normal interactions suggesting its stalked it's victims, or maybe can have more human looking forms to blend in

"Why so nervous tonight?" UGHHH THE GROWL AT THE ENDDDD 😻😻🤤🤤

"I lived in dungeons long forgotten." Could lead to it easily becoming very clingy and possessive over an interest

"I will not be denied my happiness." MORE EVIDENCE THAT THIS THING COULD 100% BECOME FERAL AND OBSESSED

He's got me wondering if he's actually fully sentient COMMUNICATION WISE

Like how with SCP-939, it's up for debate if they KNOW what they're saying if they mimic voices, or if they just do it, but what they repeat is somewhat relevant to what's happening.

>calling out while in a search

>getting aggressive/defensive when alerted

>screaming when chasing

It seems like the Unknown is somewhat similar, specifically so far with mori lines referencing to pain or the one that tells you to just die.

When it's walking around, it engages like an actual human (kinda), asking questions and such to start a convo/lure people in closer to it

There's also this freaky kinda effect that goes on when you Dispel its hallucinations where it kinda brings your FOV in and the audio gets a bit. Adore that. Watching your character just like... Reach a hand out to its chest... Before the hallucination disappears.

You already KNOW I'm doing more than dispelling his form 🙏

♡~

Can just imagine this thing curling up around you with its contortionist body just doing its best to mock affection it might've seen or heard before.

Arms and legs wrapped around your body, nuzzling you, making weird off-putting purring sounds and, if you're a freak like me, maybe even trying to kiss you, but it's not really... Good at it... So it just kinda presses its face to yours.

I like the idea of it taking on forms of people or things it's killed, so go on! Pick your favorite survivor! He'll kill them and steal their appearance for you!

Hearing little distorted "Love... You."s is also so freaking cute, just having him pick up various nicknames or phrases for an interest

Ofc this is mostly romantic, but could just as easily be platonic. I'm just sick of seeing monsters not get romantic love.

Do I think that he could actually love someone?

Ye-no.

If it happens, there's 2 ways I see it going.

option a. You engage first. For whatever ungodly reason, you decide you like this thing. You like how it acts, its voice, just think he's hot.

At first it... Would most definitely reciprocate. As best it can. You get shocked, or don't react and pursue more- Doesn't matter. It doesn't actually like you back. It just wants you dead. Needs to fill that 'insatiable hunger' it has.

But... Hm. Now it feels... Mean. Why did you act like that?

Huh? You like it? You LOVE it? You don't even know it!!

... Well, maybe it can give this affection thing a try.

Next time you see it, it goes easy on you. Awkwardly watches. Waits. If you don't do anything, or just ignore it, he goes back to hunting down and tormenting other survivors. But you still linger in the trial...

If you seem scared of it now, it comforts you. Tries to.

Things go better if you're the freeze type of scared and not the fight or flight type.

Though, it's not against chasing you down, incapacitating you, and then just holding as it struggles to say things to soothe it.

It just wants you to know it's friendly! Despite... You... Bleeding to death.

But!

Again, it feels kinda bad about how the last time it saw you went, so this time it doesn't hurt you!

if you're still lovey after the betrayal, things go great! Mostly.

Everyone else is incredibly fucked though. He's gonna mori the hell out of them. Just for you!!!

Wait. Just for you?

Huh. It... Feels good about that.

You should thank it! Right? Everyone else is gone- Now the two of you can spend time together!

You still like it right.

option b. Youuu... Are normal. You're so totally normal. You don't engage first, you play how you're supposed to, you hopefully get out with maybe a few major injuries but so do most people.

Eventually, for some reason, it's not yet crippling but still horrible loneliness catches up, and it chooses you as it's interest.

Maybe you were nice. Maybe you looked cute. Maybe it enjoyed killing you before. Maybe you were just slightly better to it than anyone else in the games it was in, and it appreciated

Well, now you're screwed.

Everyone else is getting killed. You're getting trapped in an embrace. It's probably going to let the entity kill you as the game times or, or he's going to get impatient enough with you struggling to just mori you.

In either scenario, it gets addicted. Giving it affection, struggling- It doesn't really matter. Being near you makes it happy. It likes how you feel, smell, look, everything about you- Even your imperfections. I mean, look at it. Is that an ideal human? No!

Hey, stop fighting. Stop struggling- Did you just try to bite it?

Just calm down.

Don't make it hurt you again. It didn't like how that made it feel.

So to him, you're probably divine.

Empty husks for eyes just looklooklooklooklooking at you.

Craving your attention.

Hold it. Coddle it. Pet it. Kiss it. Love it. Hate it. Hurt it. Say whatever you want. Do anything you want.

Just stay with it. Feed it's unyielding hunger.

It's not like he's letting you escape now.

Not after being alone for so long.

[sanemisstalker]

Idk why but like I really wanna die in somebody’s arms- it’s like such a beautiful but sad way to die?

(**kny spoilers**)

kinda like how Mitsuri died in Obanai’s arms bc that was such a heartbreaking moment but it also was kinda sweet at the same time? Idek anymore 😭 ty for your time btw <3

Broooo-

I hate to be that guy and point to your username, but I think dying in Giyu's arms would be the worst emotionally. I think it'd be actually devastating.

CW// Death / Implied Major Character Death/ Implied Suicide/ Angst

A part of me reasons that Sanemi could handle it about as well as he handles anything else. Poorly, but he'd continue like he always does. That's all he can do because he thinks anything else is a show of extreme cowardice and he doesn't deserve to feel that way.

But when you're in his arms, dying, more color is dissapearing, and he's fighting to see your face past the tears- he's wailing and screaming, and trying to command you to come back. That normally works. Maybe he's gotten scary enough to scare death, but no. He'll never be enough to fend off the inevitable.

I don't think Shinobu would be much different. She has an astonishing amount of hate in her heart. Enough to patch up the wound long enough for her to pretend it isn't there anymore.

You'd be lying in her arms, and all of it would be beating against her head. Every word you ever said, every piece of medical knowledge she had, and for her to be the only one able to know just how incapable she was of saving you- She'd start begging a higher power, probably, begging you to be strong in her stead- save yourself because she's not strong enough.

Rengoku wouldn't cry until you fully slipped away, doing all he could to muster his voice flat- you needed comfort, obviously. He knew it wouldn't heal the wounds, nothing could, but he was still denying that to keep his smile wide.

You wouldn't be in his arms but on his lap, his hand sweeping hair from your fading eyes. I think He'd sit there for a while. For too long, just trying to prevent tears, because you wouldn't make a move to wipe them.

Tengen would hurt, bad. You're in his arms, and he's rocking you, and he's having a panic attack- He'd deny it the hardest. For the longest.

There's a notable difference, Tengen understood, between the weight of a breathing person, and a dead body. He knew that difference the second you slumped against his shoulder, and his knees hit the ground. He'd try to wake you up, tell you to stop the act, it isn't funny, because God, what else could he do but joke in a half witted prayer to hear your laugh.

Giyu....

Fuck me , man. I don't think he's emotionally strong enough to handle anymore loss. He's already disliked by his peers, by himself, god, and everyone who breathed. You were the only person willing to talk with him- to waste time on him. To love him.

The imagery for this one is vivid- the rain. Ironic. Even in his own element he couldn't save you. He's hunched over you and mimics your shallow breathes, protecting your face from the down pour.

You can't get the words out to say how much you really, deeply love him. He keeps shushing you, trying to conserve your energy- He's panicking, too, hands unsure of their need. There were so many wounds, he couldn't possibly tend to them all.

The poor boy would whisper a beg- to let him go in your stead. He couldn't be left alone to survive again. Not again. He had too many lives he was carrying on his shoulders. Too many souls he was responsible for reaching heaven with, and he was never that good a man.

He's not asking God, he's asking you. And how cruel you were to not let him die.

'I can't- Y/N, I can't do this again.' He'd sound close to vomiting. A certain animalistic sound to his voice. Guttural, almost. 'You-You-God- no-no-n-'

But you'd be gone, unable and unwillingly to give him to permission he so desperately needed. Not deserved, He'd remind himself.

He'd all but rot next to you. The second your last breathe loosed, he'd stop breathing, too. Days would go by. Unmoving. Unfeeling.

I truly believe he'd die with you that day.

[sehtoast]

Tender Threads Ch8 (Homelander x OC)

chapter eight: bittersweet treats

chapter directory | slow burn, hurt/comfort, fluff, spidersona as original character, original trans male character, smut, sublander

summary: you've got a friend to stick up for, don't you little spider? be careful though. he's not used to that.

It had been easier to do this.  

Benjamin was still asleep, but that wasn’t a problem.  Not yet at least.  In fact, it was probably for the best.

The sun hadn’t even begun to peek over the horizon when Homelander floated down from the balcony of his penthouse to enter Ben’s apartment.  It was so easy too.  The bug never locked the access panel.  Normally Homelander would be thinking up a much needed lecture to give the boy for jeopardizing the safety of the tower, but what if Ben left it unlocked for him?  Old habits die hard, and Benjamin never locked the windows to his old apartment, but this is… maybe it’s different.

He’d really like it to be different.

Reasoning aside, having entered the room while the bug slept was a gamble.  That sixth sense of his tends to rouse Benjamin at odd intervals, probably misfiring due to dreams or the odd sound here and there that comes with living in a corporate mega tower.  It elevated the risk of getting caught tenfold.

But he really just fucking needs this.

Having told Ben about their eventual reprimands from Madelyn had all the effect of a double ended knife.  As he pushed it into the bug, so too did it cut him.

Disappointing her was… never good.  It always made his mind spiral to imagine the look on her face as she’d inevitably lecture him about sticking to his scripts or not acting without approval.  Both of which he’d violated by running around the city with his little protege.  

It was bad enough that fuckin’ baby had come into the picture, but now he’d screwed up and doomed himself to more of her cold shoulder treatments.  Homelander had practically run laps pacing back and forth in his penthouse since they’d retired for the night.  He yearned for that moment where he could at least lay down and rest his eyes, but it never came.  His only company had been that voice in his head and its image in every reflective surface he’d passed, all too happy to give him grief.

It became too loud.  The what-ifs just kept coming.  He practically gnawed a hole in his lower lip until the VNN magazine that had been left plopped on the seat of the couch showed him right where he needed to go.  Even without being able to peer through the printed image of Ben’s likeness to the kind, welcoming eyes hidden beneath, they still called out to him.

And now he’s here.  Lingering, lurking, whatever it needs to be called. At first he simply familiarized himself with the bug’s new place.  It had all the makings of a Vought apartment but with all the indignance of a simple fellow who didn’t want his comfort impeded for the look of high class and the associated aesthetics.  A couple boxes remained half unpacked, but Ben had certainly turned the place into a valiant attempt to mimic the normalcy he’d been living in before Homelander scooped him out of the mud.

He sits at the foot of the bed, eyes fixed on the bug’s peaceful expression.  Ben’s lips are parted just slightly, face smooshed against the pillow as he dreams away.  

There’s a strange peace in here.  He doesn’t quite understand where it comes from, but he knows his mind has been silent since he entered Ben’s room.  Between fingers that tremble with anxiety, Homelander pinches and rubs a section of the bug’s blanket.  It’s warm, but the tight knitted pattern would certainly allow for air to pass through.

Above, the ceiling fan spins slowly, wafting soft breezes through the room that kiss his knuckles, his nape, and the tips of his ears.  It’s soothing.  It’s all so… safe.  He’s not sure why that is…

It would be so easy to lay back now that it’s so quiet.  But he can’t. The thought of Ben’s horrified face and the potential loss of whatever this was becoming is too much to bear… 

Instead, he shuffles out to the couch.  At least this way he’ll be able to play it like he’d just come through the exterior hatch to start the day.

With an arm behind his head, Homelander lets his eyes shut.  He focuses on the sounds of Ben’s breathing, of the occasional little shuffling of blankets as the bug moved in his sleep, and then–

A startled gasp cuts through the peacefulness, followed by a sleepy groan.  Ben’s little superpower had done its usual and woke the boy for nothing.

Homelander huffs a small laugh.  He left just in time.

“You cannot act without permission.” 

Behind his mask, Ben’s eyes roll.  

“There are rules to this.  Do you know how many lawsuits you’ve opened us up to?”

Homelander stands stock still beside him, but the look on his face tells a much different story.  Even a quick glance to the side was enough to spot those wide eyes and crestfallen, indignant expressions.

But Homelander says nothing.  Where in the world did this dog’s bark go?  It's like he's been muzzled. 

It makes something burn hot in Ben’s chest.  Not just the ridiculousness of being scolded for being heroes, but for the sheer fact she was coming down so hard on Homelander in particular when it was both of them who had violated the world’s dumbest rules.  Every word seemed pointed at him and him alone.

It wasn’t fair.

“Y’know, he’s not the only one who did anything last night,” Ben interjects, lenses surely squinting to convey the way his brows knit in agitation.  “It was mostly me.  And it was my idea.”

“And Homelander is supposed to make sure you don’t run off on your own.”  She counters. 

What the fuck is her focus on him about?

“That’s tough then because it’s gonna be really hard to stop me.”

He catches Homelander looking his way.  Somehow, it bolsters that burning feeling even further.

“Contract or not, when you see something’s wrong, you stop it.”  Ben continues.  “Are you seriously upset that we were being actual heroes instead of your little performers?”

“Benjamin,” Stillwell begins, making the bug’s eyebrow arch at the familiarity and the barely-held-together smile cutting across her soft, seemingly nurturing expression.  Mother knows best was the consistent vibe Ben got from her, which always made his skin crawl.  Even now, with her tone peppered with frustration, her perfect charade remains.  It’s unsettling.

It is funny, though, to hear the cracks forming.  Maybe she didn’t expect the new guy to have a spine, especially when Vought’s guard dog was right beside him.  Or, worse yet, maybe she didn’t expect him to stick up for said dog…

“I’m sure you’re smart enough to understand that the price of vigilantism is high.  After all, your warrants were worth a few million dollars.”

“Sure, but part of my contract came with certifications to 'exercise and enforce the law' through the contracts you guys hold with the Feds.”  The wave of satisfaction that rolls through him when her face falls is like nothing else.  “And it's not vigilante work anymore, so, y'know...” he shrugs.

A glance over reveals Homelander looking at him with raised brows and pursed lips as he nods along, almost unsure of which side he’s meant to be taking.

“We done?”

To acquiesce their need for something real, Stillwell had assigned them a handful of districts in the city to patrol.  Queens, Astoria, and a good chunk of Harlem were all theirs for the day.

Something was off, though.  Homelander had barely said a word since they’d left Stillwell’s office, and, worse yet, he seemed completely lost within himself.  Ben’s questions were met with weak acknowledgements at best, and it took hours for whatever spell he was under to break.  Homelander simply watched as Ben took care of everything.  He didn’t even have the gumption to mock the bug after an old woman conned him into carrying her grocery bags for her.  

By noon, he asks for the umpteenth time. “Are you okay?”

“I– Jesus, do you ever fucking stop?”  Homelander snaps, eyes wide with frustration.  “Nag, nag, nag– all you ever do is flap those gums of yours!”

The bug’s heart sinks.

Something is wrong. 

“What the fuck made you think I needed someone like you to stick up for me, huh!?”  Homelander jabs Ben’s chest with a gloved finger. 

“Nothing, I don’t–”  Ben raises his hands as if to surrender. “I didn’t mean to–”

“I’m not some weak kneed little pussy that needs you to come swooping in, d’you hear me?”  Homelander bares his teeth for but a moment.  “Wipe that fucking look off your face.” He hisses.

Ben just blinks.  

He’s mad at me for… sticking up for him?  But why?

Before he can even process it, Homelander is rocketing into the sky toward the tower, leaving Benjamin behind to contemplate whatever the fuck just happened.

What had he done wrong?  Wasn’t it right to stand up for Homelander?  Wasn’t it right to point out how unfairly Stillwell had been treating him by only berating him? He wants nothing more than to chase after Homelander, but something tells him a bunch of space was probably the best thing he could give the guy in the moment. 

Might as well let him cool off…

By the time the sun starts to set, Ben decides to be a little bold.  He stood for at least half an hour in line getting all kinds of requests for selfies and autographs while he waited.  When it was finally his turn, there was no better choice on the menu than a couple of hot fudge sundaes.

He could've kissed the cashier when she offered him a carrier.  “So you don’t gotta juggle while you swing,” she'd said proudly.

If she only knew how much of a favor she did him with that.  It’s much easier to carry everything ninety-nine floors up the side of a skyscraper when he doesn’t have to sacrifice both hands.

Sure, he could take the elevator. But then there's no guarantee Homelander would answer his front door. At least this way meant there was a chance of getting in. 

The balcony to Homelander’s penthouse is… precarious.  Though Ben was mostly adjusted to heights, there’s still something about a platform with no railings several hundreds of feet in the air that made him feel the need to clench his teeth and hug the glass.  Speaking of…

He’s never seen the inside before, but he’s heard around the tower that Homelander’s place was thoroughly decked out.  It didn’t disappoint, but the abundance of American symbolism was enough to make him gag.  There’s patriotism and then there’s whatever the hell this was meant to be. It's practically a fuckin’ fetish. 

Ben takes a deep breath, holds it, knocks gently upon the glass, then exhales hard.

He’s not quite sure where Homelander came from given he couldn’t see him at all before, but he appears from seemingly thin air, saunters over, and opens the door with the most disappointed expression Ben’s ever seen on the man.

“What?” He snaps.  The corners of his mouth twitch and his blinks are rapid– those same tics Ben’s been trying to pin a cause on.

Benjamin doesn’t know what to say, really.  Does he start with an apology?  What even for?  It’s not like he has any fucking clue what he did that was so wrong, but… maybe?  No, no, Homelander would probably sniff it out as dishonest and make an even bigger stink.

“I uh… ice cream?”  The bug lifts the carrier and gives an anxious smile, practically hiding his face behind the cups.  

“What about it?”

“It’s to share.”  Ben clarifies.  Was it really not obvious?  Why else would he lug two extra large cups up the side of a fuckin’ tower?  “They’re sundaes– I didn’t know if you liked nuts or maybe if you had a nut allergy, and I didn’t wanna spoil the surprise by texting, or maybe you wouldn’t get the message in time and I’d–”

Benjamin takes a deep breath and stills himself and his stupid rambling.  Damn anxiety…

“I wanted to apologize for upsetting you.” He murmurs. “It was the only idea I had that didn't suck…”

Homelander seems taken aback.  His expression is mostly unreadable, but Ben’s sure he saw the exact moment those fierce blues simmered into calm seas despite all the excessive blinking that attempted to disguise it.

“I mean... I don’t get it, y'know, but if I hurt you then I hurt you and I don’t wanna–”

Homelander turns back into his penthouse but leaves the door open.  It takes Ben a moment to realize he should follow and, when he does, he’s almost in awe at the sheer size and absurdity of Homelander’s abode. It was like an American history book had come to life and jerked off all over the walls.

“That’s a whole lotta Georges… Oh cool, that’s Atlas, right?”

Homelander answers him with a simple ‘mhm’ and a nod as he takes his place on the couch.

They spend the first few minutes picking at their food in silence.  It’s awkward– at least, it’s awkward to Ben.  Homelander seems to fixate on his treat instead, though he never quite loses that distant look on his face.

“What’s behind the big flag?” Ben blurts.  He’d been trying to think of fucking anything to break the silence, so it might as well be something mundane…

“Bathroom.” 

“Oh.”  The bug huffs, then points straight ahead beyond the TV.  “What about there?”

“Bedroom.”

One word answers were no good…

“Look, can we–”

“No.” Homelander deadpans as he tongues his little red spoon clean.  

“But I wanna–”

“No.” He says again.

Ben stares at him for a moment, trying so desperately to think of anything to say that Homelander would be responsive to.  He’s almost at a loss when he does the dumbest thing possible.

He laughs.

It’s small at first, more of a scoff than anything, but it grows into light giggles.

“Ah, god, what to do with you…” He chortles.  Ben decides to change the subject entirely.  If Homelander didn’t want to talk, he was going to listen.  “Kind of missed you today, y’know.  I got stuck helping out three old ladies.  Only one of ‘em actually got me something this time.  Think I might be losing my charm with the old gals.”

He rambles.  He just lets loose and says everything and anything, stupid or not, that he can think of that could possibly soften the edges of Homelander’s mood.

“Y’know, my mom called me the other day and I had to tell her I lived here now ‘cuz she wanted to mail me some stuff.  D’you know how hard it was to convince her they had free housing for twenty-four-seven techs?”  The bug huffs a big sigh.  “She asked about you.  Wanted to know if I ever see you around.  She’s more of a Maeve fan but for some reason she only asked about you, Mister Stars and Stripes.”

The littlest smile cracks in that gloomy mask Homelander’s been wearing the whole time.

“I didn’t know what to tell her honestly, so all I said was you’re too busy to be bothered with some little guy like me.”  He hums a laugh, stretching a little from where he’d reclined against the couch.  “Aaand the truth is I actually spend a ton of time with you.  Imagine that.”

When he looks up, he finds Homelander finally making direct eye contact.

“Do you ever shut up?”  He asks, but it lacks any of the venom his words held earlier in the day.  It even seems like he's fighting to hold back a little grin, believe it or not.

“Nope.” Ben beams.  As much as he wants to keep chiseling away slowly, the bug knows he needs to just pull the rug out from under both of their feet and address the issue.  “Listen, Homie, I–  Earlier, with Stillwell, I didn’t mean to–”

He searches for the words, but nothing feels quite right.

“I know you didn’t need me to, but I wanted to, y’know?”  

Sure, but that ain’t enough and you know it Ben!  

“I just…” He starts, lips pursing as he tries to craft his next sentence very carefully.  “She was so harsh on you, like it was only you who did anything wrong.  And sure, you’re in charge of me right now, but, like… I can’t just let you take all the shit, y’know?”

Give him more.

“I don’t like when people are mean to my friends.”  

Queue Homelander’s excessive blinks.  The bug takes a mental note of that.  Things that take him off guard seem to do the trick.  

“You deserve better than that. I didn’t mean to, but I’m sorry if I hurt you by stepping in anyway…”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Homelander scoffs.  “Nobody can.”

“That’s not what I– okay, then I did whatever you wanna call it.”  Ben counters, though he’s careful to keep his tone in check.  “Either way, you didn’t like it and I shouldn’t have done it. Can we just– can we not fight?  I don’t want to fight with you…”

At the other end of the couch, Homelander rolls his eyes and kicks his feet up to rest on the table.  He's like a pouting child and Ben has to resist the urge to snort a laugh at the sight.

“Wouldn’t have brought you ice cream if I didn’t care.”  The bug singsongs.  Which is mostly true.  Sure, he always feels bad about hurting people’s feelings, and he felt a touch bad about being so forward with Stillwell earlier that morning, but he didn’t care like that.  Not like he does here.

Truth be told, Homelander’s really started to grow on him.  Suppose that’s to be expected when you have to spend twelve hours a day with someone for a full week and see them around on the daily, but it didn’t discount the fact he’s really started to like Homelander.  Sure he’d made friends with Starlight and A-Train while he ran alongside them, but this?  Something was different with Homelander.  He’s dug further under that boy scout exterior than he ever thought possible and found something… strange.

They didn’t have to have those late night talks on the bridges overlooking the river.  They didn’t have to hang out on rooftops between their saves.  Homelander could’ve taken off at literally any point and come back only when he absolutely had to, but he didn’t.  Even now he doesn’t, and yeah, it’s his home, but powers like his mean the whole world is his playground– yet he hasn't once looked toward the balcony door during this entire conversation.

When Homelander does nothing more than huff yet another scoff, Ben decides he’s done all he can.  Well, except for–

“What the fu–”

“Oh please,”  The bug chortles, squeezing his arms tighter around Homelander’s body.  The angle was awkward but it got the point across anyway.  He imagines those eyes were probably in overdrive trying to blink away whatever expression he’d like to hide.  “Like you’ve never been hugged before.”

Ben draws back and stands, meandering over to the balcony door.

“Am I gonna see you tomorrow or what? We still got another three days together, y’know.”

When he turns, he finds Homelander with softened eyes, knit brows, and something that wants to be a frown but wasn’t quite making the cut.  He lingers by the door.  The whistling breeze from outside swipes against his face and just barely covers up the mumble that makes his whole night.

“...fine.”

“Attaboy!”  The bug beams.  “See you tomorrow then.”

Forty years of life on this piss hole of a planet and that’s never once happened.  Even now, staring at the rings of moisture left behind by their sundae cups, he’s practically reeling.

An apology.

An actual apology.  Or at least one hell of an attempt at one. See, Homelander’s had people beg for their life before, sputtering their pathetic little sorries and pleas before he removed the root of the problem– or maybe they’d simply knocked into him in the hall and felt the need to apologize so they didn’t get canned.  Always a level of gain to be had, whether it was keeping their job or their life.  But then there were all the people who didn’t apologize…

Homelander swallows back irritation at the thought, but there’s one saving grace to keep him from dwelling on it. He can practically still see the moment Benjamin leaned back and fell from the platform to return to his own apartment.  The big, toothy grin on his face was…

It made him feel warm inside.  

Even as he strips down and slips under the faux fur of his blankets, he’s practically melting.  He’d been so furious at the thought of Benjamin finding him weak and in need of a white knight that he’d hardly considered there being a motive that didn’t completely humiliate him, let alone one that made him feel so…

Look at you falling for another trap.

His reflection stares down smugly from its place in the ceiling mirrors.  He almost wishes it could tell him what he needs to do.  What to think.  Hell, maybe even what to say.

Well, that’s easy, tiger.  You need to cut the little spider’s web.  I mean, seriously?  You already let Madelyn bait you around like some kind of sad puppy and now you’re gonna give some twink in spandex the same power over you?  Please.

“He’s not–”

He’s not what?  ‘Like that?’  His reflection scoffs and rolls its eyes.  They’re all fucking like that.  But let me guess: you think this one’s gonna be different. 

“Ben’s–”

Christ, already on a first name fucking basis.  Look at you!

“He apologized to me today!”  Homelander barks.  “He stood up for me! Do you have any idea–”

Right, right.  So he’s, what?  Your little savior?  All that because he bit the hand that holds your leash?

The mockery in his reflection’s voice makes him bristle.  Tears bite at his eyes.  How many times has he laid in this very spot and been berated for his growing attachment to Madelyn? To Maeve? Certainly more than he could count, but now..?

He rips the covers away and makes for the valet stand.

Poor, poor John.

Homelander dresses himself furiously.

Always eating out of someone’s hand.

He doesn’t even bother with the cape or reattaching the epaulets.

That’s it.  Run away.  But who are you gonna go to?  ‘Specially at this hour.  Yikes.  

His lip curls and he freezes.

Bet Madelyn would send you right back home to me.  Maeve wouldn’t even answer the door and you know it.  And what’s the bug gonna do for ya, hm?  Drool on his pillow?

The cabin was an option, but silence when his mind is this loud?  The voice was right, though.  Madelyn would send him back with his tail between his legs like it was nothing.  Maeve wouldn’t spare him a second, but Ben?

Oh yeah, sit there and watch him sleep while you fantasize about getting under those ratty covers.  Great call.

But that was the best choice, so that’s where he goes.  Homelander does it almost all the same as last time.  Almost.  There’s just one problem.  Or… maybe it’s not a problem at all.  He reaches out and raps his bare knuckles against the glass.  

Inside, Ben jumps and tosses his laptop to the side of his bed.  The bug squints at the windows for a moment and then gets the bright idea to turn off the table lamp on his nightstand.  At first he looks confused, but it’s replaced so easily with bright eyes and a big grin.

He looks happy.

“Use the hatch,” he hears through the glass.  Homelander does so happily.

A deep breath fills his lungs with the scents of Benjamin.  The citrus of his soap, his laundry detergent, whatever his most recent meal was meant to be...  Calm washes over him like warm sunlight.

Out comes Ben to greet him in the living area.  He must look like a mess because the bug’s eyes go a little wide at his appearance.  He just nods when Benjamin asks if he’s alright.

“So,” he starts awkwardly.  “What’s uh... what's got you awake this late?”

Smooth.  Incredible fuckin' performance.

“I was gonna watch a movie. It’s uhm… you ever heard of Howl’s Moving Castle?  Dunno if you like animated stuff, but you can come back and watch if you want.”  Ben’s offer is riddled with embarrassment, but it’s so genuine that it makes that warm feeling bloom in Homelander’s chest once again.  

Just gonna drool on his pillow, eh?

“I…”  he pauses, taking in the sight of Ben’s clothes. Shorts and a tank top.  He’s a little cold too, judging by the way he rubs at his arms.  And yet here he is when he could’ve full well left Homelander to linger outside.  

“I’d like that…” he murmurs.  "Let's give it a shot."

He liked it even more when they sat side by side, popcorn bowl between them on the bed to watch the little flick.  It wasn’t much up his alley, but Homelander could still appreciate it for what it was.

He appreciates it tenfold for how it eases Benjamin to sleep.  With his senses so wholly consumed by his little spider, he’s comfortable enough to let his own eyes flutter shut despite how heavily the odds had stacked against him prior.

He focuses on Ben’s soft breaths, listens closely and finds the gentle thump of his heart.

It doesn’t take long at all to join his little spider in the land of dreams.

[autumn-foxfire]

More Sera content!! Because they didn't just want to do an intro for her, we get to see more of her!

Sera is here to collect her wife from the awful hands of her actual love interest!

Ah, there is the one thing I don't like what Gosho does with Sera... he makes everyone comment on her breasts because she's flat chested which fuck you Gosho, breasts come in all shape and sizes, the only reason Sera should be talking about breasts is because she has an interest in Ran's. I probably shouldn't have made a joke there because this is actually a serious issue I have with Gosho's misogyny.

ANOTHER GREAT THING ABOUT SERA.

If Shinichi was here, he'd coddle Ran and treat her like she would be a hindrance and then do the "oi-oi" face when she proves she's not but Sera immediately recognizes Ran's strength and directs her on how they can take down the criminal together.

But when the situation takes a more dangerous turn, that's when she goes to defend Ran from the harm.

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

Get jealous Shinichi, Sera in less than one episode has shown us how much more she actually respects Ran as a person than you have in the last 600.

Sera is so goddamn smart T-T Why didn't you introduce her sooner Gosho?

That hack is an inspector because of you, Shinichi.

Sera once again diving in front of Ran to protect her. She's like: I've just met Ran but if anything happened to her I'll kill everyone in the room and then myself.

The kids: Conan is committing identity fraud again (except this time he isn't)

Ai: Yep and it's time for you guys to go to bed.

If the kids know he does this often, they've probably figured out that Shinichi is the one who mimics Agasa's voice (they saw him do so even) and solves the cases but just don't question it. Honestly that would be hilarious.

Sera, I can't love you anymore than I already do but you really want want me to love you more.

They don't need to drag out these episodes by repeating the info we just learned last episode. I remember.

Sera understands Shinichi better than Ran does T-T

Shinichi and Ran caring about the life of everyone, despite who they are, is very admirable but one day they're going to encounter a criminal that can't be talked down and that won't stop until they're dead. Sera was just trying to save their lives because having a brother as a sniper she would know this lesson very well, what Ran did was stupid and could have gotten them all killed.

It should be the last resort but at this point Shinichi had shown no sign of being able to talk the criminal down and Sera was just doing what she thought was right.

It's nice that despite this, Sera is still just thinking about Ran, and how she would feel if Shinichi's actions got two people killed in front of her.

And again Sera trusted Ran to help take down the criminal together because they're a beautiful couple. The way they both used the advantage Shinichi gave them, that small moment, to act without even needing to speak was glorious.

Hanging up the phone to the girl you "like" is so normal of Shinichi to do.

Sera keep flirting with Ran!

[sunny-mercya]

Casino Blues

02.2. All or Nothing

Rusty Ryan x Male Reader | Platonic! Danny Ocean x Brother Reader

Fandom -> Ocean's Trilogy

Masterlist | Previous / Next |

Linus thought, that the Royal Casablanca—the Casino of all Casinos—looked rather ordinary. Like a normal tourist vacation ship and nothing at all spectacular.

Though when they had stepped inside, Linus was astonished surprised—because the inside, the furnished set up, was so extraordinary and smelling—literally—like royalty.

Placing your sunglasses on top of your head, you gave the young lady at the receptions a warm smile of greeting.

»Good evening, Names DeVill—[Name] DeVill—and I would like to get a Chip for the Gloria Round. Start capital is five hundred million, plus the nine thousand insurance fee for my three staff members.« you said, gesturing to Linus and the Malloy Twins.

The way you said it, implies that you had been in Royal Bianca before. Otherwise, Linus couldn't understand how you could perform your acting so well.

»You had been here before or?« asked Linus you, when you had stepped through the double doors and into the lounge of Gambling Paradise.

»Mhm, yeah, when I was ten and then around age sixteen.« you replied, shushing Linus—who was about to ask another question—with a hold up of your fingers.

If the Gloria Round, a special Poker table—where there are only the Card games of the Madness Category being played—is only reserved for the grand players of the richest, then how come you're able to get one?

There was also the question, how you said "DeVill" as your surname—it does rings a bell in mind though—when it should be Ryan.

~~~

Linus, who stood next you—acting as your assistant—and watching you play, was getting just a tiny bit overwhelmed—anxiously even—with the way, how you played.

Now he could understand why Rusty had said, to never play against you. You really are merciless—mad—even.

It's the way how you sat there, so causal—leg swung over another—but also posture straight, implies a seriousness of professionalism.

But what really causes a disturbance towards the other players—bringing them out of their own concept and comfort, their confidence slowly breaking apart like biscuits being dunked into tea—was your ability of mimic.

You didn't really had a pokerface, it's more a type of jester—cheshire cat—one, with how you would glance at them, face stoic like stone—sometimes raising an eyebrow or moving your head in a certain direction of angle—and then you would break out into a smile, whenever you had a winning pair or bluffing them into a belief.

You had won every game so far and those games—be it; Devil's House, Texas Holden (the old original version), Jester Day or Crowns Deal—had been played in the last past hours at least more than thrice.

The nickname; Devil's Gambler was a true fit for you.

»My, my, Ladies and Gentlemans, where do you think you're going?« you begun, when the first player started to get up, after you had won yet again a round of Texas Holden—proudly proclaiming a Yeehaw.

»Through this whole evening, how many hours? Ten hours we've played all the card game at least over three times, except for Royal Flush and I believe it's the perfect game to end such glorious night, isn't it? Or do tell me, it seems that you're all—how do they say?—aah, yes, scared. The Royals of royals from the highsociety of richness, cannot be mere mortals and be scared from a single play of Royal Flush, now can they?«

Now you started to taunt them and it worked. They sat down on their chairs again.

„Linus. End the Game and get [Name] out of there.“

Linus didn't registered Rusty's voice, too engrossed with what you're about to do next.

»Exactly. That's what I thought. Now, I would say for this last round to make it into a majestic night, to make it truly a memorable highlight, we'll go; All or Nothing.«

„Fuck.“

All or Nothing meant, you betting the whole money—the sums you've won so far and what's still left in the Start Capital—you have.

And Royal Flush is not one of those simple card games, like Texas Holden—even though it belongs in the category of Madness Games—which could be, with good practice and some luck, won—no, this Card Game was the toughest and roughest of all of them.

Royal Flush is a game, which can turn you into a sobbing mess of self-doubt if you realise you're about to lose.

~~~

When you had started laughing, during the final set of Royal Flush, it had spooked Linus so much that he flinched visibly—thought for real, you were either about to lose or simply had lost it now—and then he remembered what Rusty had told him; make sure [Name], under no circumstances, drinks any kind of alcoholic beverage.

When Linus asked why, all he got was; Medications.

You're sober though—Cola the only drink you had all night long—and that's brought Linus minimal pressure of anxious he felt at the beginning back—because there was no reason for you to laugh so carefree during such a serious moment.

Why, thought Linus—swallowing hard, when you laughter got uncontrollably now, till you're just a wheezing mess at the table—are you like this?

»Game, set and match. Royal Flush.« you said, bringing your cards down onto the table and looking the last remaining player directly into the eyes. Grinning wicked wide.

„Games over, Linus. Get [Name] out of there, before he starts another game.“ „Linus. We meant it. Get out.“

»A pleasure it was to had you, prince of Monaco, as my opponent and bringing you to tonight devastating loss.«

Linus wanted to sob now. There's an actual prince and you beat his royal ass in a mere card game.

»So's mine. The son of Delpho DeVill surely care for another round, doesn't he?«

»Your highness, I apologise, but my Boss needs to attend another meeting now. Perhaps next time and nice to meet you.«

Linus pulled you up from the chair and out of the room, Virgil and Tuck following right away—from another room—with a luggage carrier full of bags, which are filled with way much money than Danny had said to win.

Rusty had to catch you, when—once being outside of the Ship and on the docks—you came running into his arms and prepped kisses all over his face.

It was clear, when you had started to dance with Rusty around—singing off key one of the songs you had at your wedding—and also accepting Rusty's marriage proposal, which hadn't even asked—as you two are already married—that one or more of your Colas had been spiked with something. You wouldn't have acted like this otherwise.

If you only had wanted to play more rounds and going to the auctions, then Danny or Rusty could've said; it's the Gamblers high which runs through your veins like ecstasy—but that wasn't the case.

»Linus, I know you probably have lots of questions and perhaps your confused, but later. Eventually.«

~~~

Besides what Rusty, in a moment of annoyance, had said to you—he had a few ideas how to make it up to you—didn't regret it, when he, as promised long ago, could finally pay you free.

So laying next to you in bed and having you cuddle up in his arms, was a heavenly bliss—Rusty wouldn't exchange for anything.

[hanasnx]

Link

“‘Goji, I want to try no-kiss-sex, please? Please? Can we-can we-can we?’” he mimics you unflatteringly, and you reach up to yank him back down to you. “You only call me ‘Goji’ when you want something, just like you call me ‘Sato’ when you’re trying to butter me up.”

absolutely love love love the implication that he knows when your trying to sweet talk him, he knows you do these thing to make him malleable to your whims and wishes and yet when push comes to shove how could he ever deny his sweetheart? (except of course when he’s balls deep inside you and he thinks there’s nothing prettier than your puffy downturned lips pouting in indigence)

“That pout resurfaces, and you must know you’re making your pillowy lips look so irresistible that Satoru bites his own hard. He has to remind himself he’s proving a point. Even folded in half you’ve got some kind of power over him.”

and this driving my point right home over how even when he’s got you folded in half, when he knows that he’s “The Strongest™”, he’s always weak to your wants, maybe it’s the tone of your voice or the way your eyes look up at him (cause he’s a 6’3 giant and i mean really what the fuck does he need all that height for??) but somewhere in him is an innate urge to keep you happy- to keep you here with him cause lord knows this man this man remembers how bad it was with Suguru so, if he goes a tad further than normal when it comes to keeping you happy and by his side then really who’s gonna notice? (literally everyone)

“That wolfish grin stretches back onto his mouth as he dips down, and a grateful thrill blooms in your chest at the notion he’s going to do it this time! You offer yourself to him, facing him to reach for him, but as soon as you get close he rears his head. Your lips narrowly miss each other. Your bodies bob as he moves in you, a steady pace of pulling completely out to ease in until he bottoms out. He’ll do all that, exhibiting a strong sense of control over his body, but he won’t give you a kiss. Instead, he does the same thing as before, ducking so you’ll gain a false sense of security, reach for him again. He teases you, keeping his lips just out of your area of influence. “Stop that!” you whine, your brows pinching together from the pleasure he’s giving you between your legs.”

THIS!! This man is a menace to everyone; to his students, to the higher ups, to curses, to everyone.

So why on earth would he change that when it comes to his partner?? in fact he’s probably the biggest menace of all to you!! he’s moving things around in the house and acting like he hasn’t seen them when you come asking for it, key, cups, phones, shirts you name it.

it’s little things like this that get him off; seeing you clueless, seeing the crease form between your eyebrows and the downturning of your lips, it’s like your begging for something only your big strong boyfriend can do for you, i think he gets off on you relying on him, on needing him because it means you’ll only make it harder for yourself if you leave, i mean who else is gonna do all these things for you?

i love love love how you’ve characterised him in your writing, i’m literally buying indy green candles for the cult members to put in a circle and chant your name around it, i’ve never wanted to make out with someone’s brain but by god if i won’t french yours x

JUDE! you know i fucking love line by line feedback! you fucking know i do! i was so so hype to receive the message i loved reading through all your thoughts and such sweet thoughtful compliments.

also your interpretations of the character is invaluable to me as someone just starting out in writing him. thank you so so much for laying it all out for me i adored it all so much. i cant thank u enough

i’ll see you at the cult meeting later

[blue-eyed-giant]

i saw poto for the first time ever today since wanting to see it since i was 11 years old and there are some stuff i've noticed (and i will talk non stop bc this was a dream come true)

this was an incredibly creative stage. it was rather small but it was used so well. there was a spinning stage frame on the real stage and during in-play opera performances it would spin to show you what the cast backstage would see. it took all shapes throughout the play as if it was playdough just by spinning. it was stage, it was christine's dressing room (yes, phnatom stepped out from its inside through the mirror), it was andre and firmin's office, it was rehearsal room... i think if it was on broadway it could get a tony for stage design

DRAMATIC. ASS. LIGHTING. for the first half and hour or so it was so impressive because it made every movement so dramatic and it was perfectfor the spooky mood but. it got too much. sometimes it was hard to see actors' faces and expressions and it was constant. if the light had been used more variably this would be an incredible lighting piece.

the overture. i had never seen how the stage looks during overture but i loved this sooo much it looked like those start-credits scenes from movies. it showed all the key moments from the show in slow mo with shadows, as if raoul was remembering what had happened all those years ago. it was nostalgic and it was terrifying because even if you didn't know anything about the story you would clock something terrible and tragic happened there. at the very start you see two actors with an actress between them bowing together and then the actress goes to the side with one of them, the other looking at them as they go and taking some time before going to the other side himself. yeah, i think you got my point.

orchestra was live. and it was magnificent i think. this is all i have to say i can't think of a way to make you believe how a not particularly big orchestra was so impactful without actually showing you live.

carlotta's comedic acting was so on point. the "these things do happen" bit is my favourite and i loved seeing it a lot. "think of me" also was very well acted not just by carlotta but also by andre and firmin.

madame giry sounds real young. she is also less strict or stiff than the way she is traditionally portrayed.

the head male ballet dancer was surprisingly delicate for his size and i tell you that guy had a real broad torso and a lot of big muscles and the hannibal damce was beautiful

SO MUCH FUCKING MEGSTINE!!! during "think of me" christine panics and stops singing with a hitch in her voice and only gets her courage up and continues when meg holds her hands and has her sing looking only at her eyes

you very quickly realize meg is just as vocally strong as christine in this production

you immediately notice ramin's microphone being loud as fuck. the sound team said "people come here for this bitch let's give 'em what they want" so everyone is singing at a normal volume and quality and then ramin comes in with his full hd 4k stereo 1080p voice (not complaining tho)

you don't get it. this fucker isn't just playing phantom. he IS the phantom. he's studied, he's acted, he's lived, he's embraced, absorbed, eaten the part. i doubt the fucker drops a chandelier every week in his house. you know how people say "oh he's added a second/third dimension to this part"? this bitch is forcing his way into the sixth at this point. he's doing it such naturally and in a nuanced way i could believe this is his office job. think of 25th and make it better, that's what it was.

this phantom isn't just miserable. he is so much older and wiser than our leads and he knows this and he is actively holding this over their heads. he knows exactly what leaves christine vulnerable and plays into those things. he knows he's manipulative, you can sense that in his mimics and voice and chuckles. he holds great power over christine whether she allows it or not. he also treats christine like a predator does to a younger person, which makes the dynamic very realistic bc it is exactly that

amelia milo is young, which makes you realize just how young christine actually is because she actually looks, sounds and acts like a 21 one year old and this makes a lot of her decisions and reactions make so much more sense

when the ballet starts andre keeps bumping into the dancers and the male dancer doesnt know what to do with him so he just. picks him up, spins him and moves him out of his way.

"all i ask of you" is portrayed in such a different way without changing a single line i was speechless. like yea??? technically you can play it like that and it will change everything about raoul and christine's relationship even if the script is the exact same. right before the song starts christine rushes to the roof with raoul following, gives her speech about the phantom, and tries to jump off, rould yells and begs her name to stop her. then he sits right at the edge with his legs dangling, as if he's showing if she jumped so would he. AIAOY sounds like raoul desperately putting in all his effort and saying everything he could to keep christine from killing herself. it isn't the little ray of light in the midst of the chaos, it is just another little, happier chaos in the big chaos. even christine doesn't seem to be particularly happy, they both seem to think "we'll look into this later"

not a huge fan of vinny coyle's raoul. like many raouls he wasn't particularly bad, but also he wasn't so good either. ofc he had his moments like his good dancing and small stu ts during "masquerade" but he couldn't shine where he had to shine big and be the prince charming (aiaoy was very underwhelming bc of that). in the end i was wondering how would bradley jaden be if he stayed for the milan cast as well

this

also, probs due to lack of ensemble members, half the masquerade guests were puppets on wheels which made the whole vibe so creepy

after long years of poto, earl carpenter was also a cast member that shined and added so much character to the production

THE SPECIAL EFFECTS!! PHANTOM APPEARING, REAPPEARING AND THEN DISAPPEARING!! HIM TAKING PIANGI'S PLACE WITHOUT THE CHARACTER LEAVING THE STAGE! the special effects were top notch

at first she sounds kinda weak but towards the middle of the play amelia milo's voice gets so strong and impressive you start to hink she did it on purpose to show how amateur christine was at the beginning.

PHANTOM HAS BLACK BAT WINGS AND SOARS IN WANDERING CHILD

thank for coming to my ted talk :)

fr tho, they either fucked with ramin's mic or he just sounds so strong his voice feels solid bc that IT'S OVER NOW THE MUSIC OF THE NIGHT was something else

edit: at one point during an opera meg jumps on stage just to yell "he's there the phantom of the opera!!!!". it's not even her scene, she wasn't supposed to be on stage and gets called back by her mom. we love a hatergirl <3

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Round 2

Propaganda why Gregory is insufferable:

This boy is so poorly written, it hurts. In the gameplay, he just acts annoyed and pissed off the whole time. Then, in the endings, he becomes a whole other character who acts scared and sad, which does not match the previous hours of gameplay AT ALL

But that just annoyed me

What really made me hate him was the GGY and Robot Gregory stuff, because OH NO, Gregory could not just be a normal kid who got into this situation, he has to be a robotic recreation of the Crying Child, despite not acting one bit like CC, or, according to the GGY story in the books, he's responsible for multiple murders and is Afton's/the Mimic's apprentice.

Just let this kid be fucking normal!

(Also, unlike a lot of people, I really enjoy what the Ruin DLC did to his character. And don't try to say that's still the mimic, the mimic recycles dialog from the main game. This Gregory uses completely unique dialog, and unless the mimic was able to form new words in his voice all of a sudden, that's still him. He had to make a tough decision, one life or over hundreds and I can respect that)

Suffers from being made into another one of Matpat's ""is actually a robot theory"". It is annoying as hell. We do not need robot children theories in a game about possession, child murder and serial killers. Especially not dumb theories about him being a 'recreation' of someone with a completely different personality. It has completely ruined any enjoyment I had in that character because we're just going back to the Afton family again

Someone made a good point about how his personality seems to be reminiscent of a certain trend where a video game protagonist has to be snarky even though it would’ve worked better for the horror atmosphere if he was more scared because it would’ve made the player feel his fear. I recall people being surprised about his personality and expecting him to be more scared, and I assume the developers were just afraid of ppl calling Gregory “whiny”, but it still feels like a missed opportunity

Propaganda why Heywood Floyd is insufferable:

He pulled strings to be put on the crew and is kind of an ass to everybody

In the second book/movie, he's a huge jerk to Hal 9000, a character who technically didn't do anything wrong (he killed his crew in the first book/movie because of conflicting orders) Orders that Floyd claims to not know about....despite his signature being on them.

Also, he just sucks as a husband and father (in the 2010 movie, his kid actually sounds disappointed when Floyd says he won't die on his space mission) There's literally no reason I should root for this guy, (Hal ends up being the hero of the story in 2010 book/movie).

In 2061, he drinks water from a comet and.....let's just say it screws with his insides......and he's so insufferable, I laughed about it (as did people on two Discord servers, and it's now kind of a meme there)

Kind of smug and doesn't address his own flaws or the consequences of his own actions

He's smug and kind of an ass and says nothing was his fault when his signature was on the mission plan. An important plot is he put a cutoff switch in the ship's computer without asking anybody in a setting where a computer shutdown is Really Bad. He hides it from the crew and we are told this is heroic.

[cvrc11]

AN INCOHERENT RAMBLING ANALYSIS OF A VERY SMALL PORTION OF NIER AUTOMATA (2017)'S THEMES

Okay so it has been 6 years of me basically thinking about Nier Automata at least once a day and planning to eventually write something coherent about it, and I still plan to do that because lord knows this will NOT be coherent, but @flemmboyant accidentally prompted me a few days ago to spew a bunch of analysis of this game she has never played at her and she told me it would be a good tumblr post so. This is my extremely rambling and incoherent response (slightly edited for clarity where her responses to my messages were relevant for context) to the prompt "Tell me about Nier Automata's themes", because I just needed to get this OUT OF MY SYSTEM apparently jesus christ it's been SIX YEARS it feels so much longer how did i ever live before Nier Automata. anyway.

This contains full spoilers for the game's themes and narrative, and also a single pretty major spoiler for the original Nier, and probably will only make sense if you're familiar with the game, so, readmore time!

[okay so this all began with me saying that 2B's highly sexualized design, and to a lesser extent 9S's kinda creepy schoolboy design, actually serve important thematic functions despite Yoko Taro's insistence that he just "likes pretty girls". So that is the theme I am explaining here at the start] Basically I think what Automata is going for with the fact that all the normal, "civilian" androids who are fighting in the war as a ragtag resistance are wearing sensible clothes and look like adult humans with fairly photorealistic deisgns, but the military androids who are created by and fight for YoRHA are either anime waifus in sexy maid costumes or pedobait pubescent boys in schoolboy outfits (a thing which is definitely more widely sexualized in Japan than in the west) is that the military propaganda machine of YoRHA is invested in the spectacle over the reality of war and purposefully attempts to distance their aesthetics from the harsh realities of war and make them all sexy and shiny and cute. And ALSO the game has this thing about how the androids have maybe been programmed to experience the equivalent of human sexual pleasure when engaging in violence and murder so anything that aesthetically brings sex and violence close together is in service of that, such as the fact that 2B's and 9S's clothes get blown off when they use their BUILT IN SELF-DESTRUCT OPTION because they're SENTIENT BOMBS BUILT FOR A FOREVER WAR WITH NO PURPOSE BUT THE PERPETUATION OF A CYCLE OF DEATH AND VIOLENCE but they've been made SEXY and CUTE to MAKE EVERYONE, INCLUDING THEMSELVES, FORGET ABOUT THAT FACT AND -------------------------

also the YoRHA androids are all made to be sexy and aesthetically perfect but they are not expected to experience love or desire or appreciate beauty, aesthetic or otherwise, while the normal androids who look like normal people DO experience all these things and act on them and fall in love and fuck and love flowers and landscapes but the YoRHA androids don't even KNOW that they ARE sexy and aesthetically perfect because it means nothing to them, it's just what they look like, and being half naked is meaningless to them but they always have BLINDFOLDS on because yoko taro is SUBTLE AS A BRICK and the scenes of the greatest intimacy and sensuality and love are those in which they TAKE OFF THEIR BLINDFOLDS and see each other's EYES

and even the machine lifeforms, who look alien and have nothing of the human form about them, understand desire and love and beauty more than these perfect beautiful sexy porcelain dolls who mimic the most exaggerated fantasies of their ancient human creators who are no longer even alive to appreciate them

anyway now you have the requisite knowledge to understand why i am insane about the one moment in nier automata that i am the most insane about, which is when, in a conversation that isn't voiced and plays out in text on a screen between 9S and one of the game's antagonists, the antagonist in question suddenly, in an attempt to throw 9S off, asks "You want to **** 2B, don't you?" and it's this big shock moment because OBVIOUSLY you ASSUME that says FUCK and this comes out of NOWHERE and it DOES throw 9S off HARD and then later in the game 9S's mental state deteriorates very significantly and he fights a bunch of 2B clones and during the fight he starts to be creepier and more manic and obsessive in the violence he inflicts on her and in the end he chokes the last one of them to death while laughing maniacally and also crying and you think the plot twist is that the censored word was maybe KILL and he's secretly been trying to kill her all along but then you remember that their sex and violence responses have been programmed to be the same and you realize the word isn't censored for THE PLAYER because PEOPLE SWEAR IN THIS GAME ALL THE TIME, the word is censored FOR 9S because HE DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO, THEY ARE THE SAME TO HIM and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

he's a GUN in LOVE who thinks the only feeling is BULLET

anyway this is only one layer of the like 5000 thematic angles this game is juggling. the first boss you fight is named Marx and Engels. Fucking. YOKO TARO, MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

there's a part where a bunch of children commit suicide and depending on how you interpret certain stuff the game MIGHT be saying to you, in that very moment, that they were never real people and didn't actually feel anything and were just machines doing a fake-out chinese room thing to mimic genuine human interiority, and grabbing you by the throat and going "so you SHOULDN'T CARE, RIGHT??? so WHY DO YOU STILL CARE, BITCH" and this moment rewrote my personal understanding of what it means to have empathy and what the moral value of empathy is, but it could ALSO NOT BE SAYING THAT AT ALL and their feelings COULD have been real in which case it is instead asking you if you feel good about yourself because you WANTED their feelings to be real, you TAUGHT THEM to feel like real humans, you ENCOURAGED them to embrace their humanity and be humans and not machines and now they're DEAD BECAUSE OF IT so WAS IT ACTUALLY BETTER FOR THEM TO FEEL THINGS, YOU MONSTER

none of this is even TOUCHING on all the INSANE shit this game does with GENDER there is SO MUCH GENDER EVERYWHERE the gender is LEAKING THROUGH THE SEAMS the YoRHA soldiers have comical over the top sexual dimorphism and absolutely NO interest in gender or traditional gender roles while the robots that have no sex of any kind or any reason to even associate with any gender whatsoever are OBSESSED with human gender and WANT TO HAVE IT SO BAD and they DON'T UNDERSTAND IT but they WANT IT SO MUCH and they KEEP TRYING TO INVENT GENDER but they DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS FOR they just THINK IT MUST BE IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT WAS IMPORTANT FOR HUMANS and in their attempts to enshrine it REVEAL ITS ABSURDITY AND POINTLESSNESS

this is the Little Sister machine. By putting that pink bow on her head of her own volition because of her naive and foolish but authentic desire to be a woman she is more of a woman than 2B, who was designed by generations of scientists to be the Most Woman Ever but who has never had a single thought in her life about the concept of gender or womanhood, could ever be. This is the game's implicit message all the time and it rules

i didn't even get into the themes about the unnecessary overvaluing of "authenticity" or "natural" things that are manifested by the fact that not only are there no humans in the game, humans died out a long time ago and the "regular people" you interact with are all other androids like yourself who either were never programmed to be insane killing machines like you or simply broke their programming at some point so now you ostensibly fight your forever war to "protect humanity" but are in fact protecting your fellow androids but ALSO THOSE "HUMANS" WHO MADE YOU AND THEN DIED OUT CENTURIES AGO WERE THEMSELVES NOT ACTUALLY HUMANS BECAUSE IN THE ORIGINAL NIER IT'S REVEALED HUMANS DIED OUT THOUSANDS OF YEARS BEFORE /THAT/ GAME AND THE "HUMANS" WHO MADE THE ANDROIDS IN NIER AUTOMATA WERE THEMSELVES ARTIFICIAL CREATIONS DESIGNED TO PREVENT HUMANITY'S EXTINCTION THAT FAILED AND INSTEAD JUST BECAME THE NEW HUMANS SO YOU ARE LIKE. SO MANY LAYERS DEEP INTO NOT BEING "NATURAL" OR "AUTHENTIC" HUMANITY BECAUSE IN FACT THE LAST BIOLOGICAL HUMAN DIED OVER ELEVEN THOUSAND YEARS AGO

So ALL that stuff I talked about the authenticity of "real" gender AND the authenticity of the "humanity" of the robot children has to be taken in the additional context of MULTIPLE MATRYOSHKA DOLL LAYERS OF FAKE HUMANS

[at this point she asked me WHO ARE YOU FIGHTING IN THE GAME because as you can see I kept referring to a war without explaining bc i was too busy being insane about THE THEMES]

YOU, or "androids", are fighting "machine lifeforms", which, you see, are TOTALLY DIFFERENT, and unlike YOU, an android who definitely has normal human emotions, are OBVIOUSLY just mindless drones with NO semblance of humanity to them, because THEY were designed by an ALIEN RACE to INVADE EARTH and then it's revealed the aliens actually died out on their own like IMMEDIATELY after invading and the machines have just been self-replicating all along lmao

honestly the FUNNIEST part of Nier Automata is that THE ALIENS ARE REAL and are UTTERLY IRRELEVANT

like. it seems so OBVIOUS from the START that the big reveal is gonna be "oh the machines are ALSO man made this is some wild misunderstanding and the war is pointless" and then you FIND THE ALIENS and they're DEAD IN A SPACESHIP and the FACT THAT THERE'S ALIENS THAT INVADED EARTH IS NEVER EXPANDED UPON they are never given A NAME OR ANY DEPTH OR ANYTHING IT'S JUST AN ACCEPTED FACT OF THIS SETTING THAT "THE ALIENS" INVADED AT SOME POINT AND NOW THEY'RE DEAD, LET'S MOVE ON

and they are NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN because that's the POINT, the point is that both the humans and the aliens are an EXCUSE, even if the androids didn't KNOW both species were extinct (which, the android LEADERS did know about the humans at least), it wouldn't MATTER if they DID know because the war is no longer ABOUT humans OR aliens even though that's what ALL the propaganda is about and the motto of YoRHA is PROTECT MANKIND and you hear that phrase EVERY FIVE SECONDS and then it's revealed they're dead and NOTHING CHANGES and the androids STILL shout PROTECT MANKIND as they go to kill and die in an endless war over nothing with a group that by and large isn't even hostile, they're just sitting around trying to figure out if putting on a pink bow bestows GENDER for fuck's sake they have no interest in conquering the earth for aliens that THEY don't even KNOW about because they don't even HAVE the mythologized notion of their own creators that the androids have, the machines that ARE fighting are only fighting because THEY'VE ALWAYS BEEN FIGHTING and that's just WHAT LIFE IS and AAAAAAAAAAAAA

you built a world wide death machine army and told them they were fighting for peace but they can never make peace because they're a DEATH MACHINE and all they know is DEATH and THEY'RE GUNS IN LOVE WHO THINK THE ONLY FEELING IS BULLET and that REMAINS TRUE ON THE LEVEL OF THE PERSONAL DRAMA BETWEEN 9S AND 2B JUST AS MUCH AS ON THE GRAND SCALE OF THE GLOBAL EXTINCTION GENOCIDE WAR BECAUSE THEY'RE THE SAME THING DRIVEN BY THE SAME FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM AND THAT PROBLEM IS THE FASCIST DRIVE TO BUILD A GUN TO SOLVE EVERY PROBLEM

as you can see even when i start by saying "the FUNNIEST thing about the game" it ends up being NOT FUNNY AT ALL because it's ALL ABOUT THE THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES [tears off my own head and kicks it out the window, still screaming about themes]

[zionanelequaso]

bothered myself enough to make an introduction

Hi! My main name online is Zio, but you can also call me;

Hotline, Dark, Moon, Rune, Eli, Zarx

+ any other names you wanna call me! As long as I can confirm I’m comfy.

erm more names because I like stealing fictional character’s names

Spike, Scrina, Bive, Gnarpy, Asmodena, Viktor, Susie, Unpleasant, Thomas Flyswatter, Hollow Clown, Lancer, Spamton, ANC, Garrison, Viola, Mimic

My pronouns r:

literally any pronouns at all (EVEN NEOS!!!) [but please make sure to ask before you use a new one]

My main flags:

Flag names:

I’ll put the names and try to explain them best I can! Please tell me if I did something wrong!

1: Pansexual: Can feel sexual attraction to any gender

2: Genderfluid: Often switches between genders

3: Pangender: The feeling of being human, rather than having a gender

4: Demigirl: Most of the time feels like a girl, sometimes doesn’t

5: Panromantic: Can feel romantic attraction to any gender

My fandoms:

The Amazing Digital Circus

Bugbo

Pizza Tower

Deltarune

Trevor Henderson

FNAF

Dave and Bambi

Kirby Dave

Total Drama Island

Island of the Slaughtered

Splatoon

Dave’s fun algebra class

Garrett’s funny animal game

Alex basics in biology and zoology

Baldi’s basics in education and learning

Advanced education with Viktor strobovski

Captain’s basic adventure in a broken underwater ship

My hobbies:

Drawing

Sleeping

Listening to music

Talking to friends

Singing

Voice acting

Watching videos

Being silly

Playing videogames

My dislikes/DNIS:

Mean people

Homophobic people

Pedos/MAPS

Zoophiles

Dream fans (the nice ones are allowed though)

People who think insulting somebody to suicide is funny (it’s not. grow up.)

Doxxers

Extra info:

I may have AuDHD, so please be patient with me!

Icons i use:

>3<

:3

:)

:/

<>_<>

Emojis I use:

💥💅😍😘☺️🥶🤯😭😱😨😰😠🤭🤔🫢😐

Phrases I use:

SLAY

silly!!

woag

holy moly…

Erm what the spruce?

eugh

BWUH

*insert keyboard smash because I can’t put my emotion into words*

*insert very misspelt words because my emotions are taking over*

WHAT THE SCALLOP?!?!?!

we stay silly!!!!

tag system because uhhhhhhh yeah

zios normalness: brainrot/going insane

zio bleps: random blogs/reblogs

zios art: this is quite obvious

zios aus: also quite obvious

zio are you okay: getting too normal/not feeling well

zio what the fuck: simping

zio really likes this: personal favorite posts

zio no you can’t kin a fictional character noooo: little bit obvious

zio talks to friends: yeah

zio shoutouts: aaaa

zio being serious: serious moments

zio needs this: gotta remember this/I WANT IT

yeah that’s it (for now) uhhh have a cool beans day