#milso therapy

[rbecje]

I can’t wait for this day to come. Missing you like crazy.

[armywifelifee]

#ArmyWifeProblems

[lilacskiesapothecary]

Updates!!

So I got a new Job!!! It’s a Local Black Owned Business!!!

It’s all about Skin and Body Care! What I Love!

K and I have been going to counseling to help us and it’s been great!

K actually talked to our counselor about his parents, and what his mom told me.

I plan on telling our counselor the other part that I haven’t told yet. To see how I should approach this.

And we are still leaving next week for Thanksgiving so I’m sure there will be tons of tea then!🙃

[1704milesapart-blog]

Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great.

Roger de Bussy-Rabutin

[occasionalmagicandcurses]

its been about 10 years

But I’m back. I did therapy for a year and honestly all it got me was agitated. I remember the days of yore when I would sit on my tumblr home page, refreshing constantly and making new friends through whatever current horrible experience I could put to words in my life at the time. Whether it was the milso shit I was on (he was a cheater, and I was just a girlfriend), or the love for pokemon or anime, I always made a friend. I’m still friends with so many of them to this day. I’d skip whatever homework I had to do and meticulously pick at the code for my theme, calling to the days even further back of myspace and (dare I say it...) xanga. I learned about my internet etiquette through here. I paid way too much attention to the rules and regulations, even dipping my toes in some internet drama. I was an early witness to the birth of “cancel culture.” It was here that I developed my dreams and material aspirations for the future.

And 10 years has flown by. I’ve got two degrees, a staggering amount of debt, a few more earth shattering relationships, and 1 cross country move to show for it.

They say that no matter where you go, you are there. Whoever they are, they’re right. And it is draining to have to carry myself around everywhere. I can never seem to be completely upright. My anxiety says “gnaw on your fingers until they bleed” or “buy one more pair of shoes” or “shake your leg until even your dog looks at you funny” in an attempt to mitigate some of the pressure in my jaw. My depression follows up with the gambit of “you have no self control” or “no one will want you” or “just hold off on eating, it’s not going to do anything for you.”

I turned 30 years old 3 weeks. Feels the same as 29, except now 40 is 10 years around the corner, instead of 11. None the less terrifying or grim. I have an awful spending problem, undoubtedly an overcorrection from my poverty-stricken childhood. Ever seen cheese that doesn’t melt? I learned how to count from the monopoly money-esque appearance of food stamps. My mom would make it a game. I found it fun until we started having to leave baskets of food at the register because something was wrong. 

Trauma, its delicious, I swear. We bounced from home to home, changing schools by the semester and allowing my brain to continue to develop on its fucked up axis. I struggled to make friends and struggled even harder to want to try. I knew it would all blow up anyway. I told the most elaborate lies to hide my home life. I’d say my grandmother was a doctor, and I’d hide that I couldn’t afford breakfast at school by saying I was trying to lose weight, or not have a full stomach for band practice later in the day. 

I got on the overcompensation train pretty early. I finally got tired of my mom’s repetitive failures and walked out of the door at 17. I never lived with my mom again. I never want to be like her. To be 53 and living paycheck to paycheck with two kids I never wanted and still can’t parent correctly? Count me out. 

I burned through college and graduate school. I have a career I am pretty kickass at. I love what I do. 

I decided to change directions (and time zones) about 3 months ago. When I say I was bored, I was b o r e d. Professionally, I felt stuck. I had a job I was good at, but didn’t want to move up in. It was lacking the spark that made me love my field to begin with. I was living in a city I’d been in for the past 20 years. I was a year past the breakup from a relationship that literally and mentally broke me in two. Absolutely devastated me. I sometimes cry for that life on occasion. It was pure misery and happiness that I don’t think I’ll ever experience again. I still feel I’m not worthy of one or the other. There’s always a price. Both, or it isn’t real. Comparison (and infidelity) were the thieves there. My unbridled anger too.

I packed up my car and my dogs and took the mom that told me she would have had a great military career if it weren’t for me and drove halfway across the country. I flew her back home a week later, and not a minute sooner. Being in close quarters with her always stews a rage that turns me into not the daughter that’s pushed for 25 years for her to be a mom, but the daughter that hates the mother she never had. I drove the entire trip and never really could quantify why I wanted her to come, except to say it might have been a latch ditch effort of the little girl that wanted a parent. I could have done it by myself, and I probably should have. 

Getting away has been amazing. I haven’t worked in almost a month and this was the break I didn’t know I needed. I saved up some, but obviously not enough, and now I get to pay the piper in a few weeks. I’m doing stupid things like riding my tax refund and the bonus for the job that I over performed at for 3 years to pull me through. I already got another job but good lord the background check has been sucking the life out of me. I am not a murderer, but I guess they need to figure that out for themselves. I’m slightly nervous for this job. My family and friends think I’m working now, but I am enjoying doing whatever the fuck I want. I blew off the job I got that motivated me to come out here because of the lack of money and transparency. 

Then I made the absolute mistake of swiping on tinder. I’m not sure what I get out of doing it, aside from fleeting attention from guys who like to talk about their sex drive, but I did it anyway. I’m not ready for a relationship, and I know it. So I’m forcing it with this guy who works too much and looks 10 years older than he actually is because of it. He smells nice though. I sold him to my gf’s as “he’s great!” and he is. Just not for me. I’ve only had sex with him once because I’m honestly not all that attracted to him. His fingers are chubby, but he’s not fat. I don’t like how he touches me, and I wish he was more dominant. Not in a “smack me around” type of way, but a “hey I wanna do this thing and I’m gonna show you and not really leave it to discussion” kinda way. He could make a great friend, so I’m probably going to go ahead and nip that sooner rather than later.

I think I want attention, but I don’t. I honestly just want to mind my business and start the process of fixing all of my fucking problems. And actually finish. 

[acklelantern]

Random off topic personal post I think I fell in love with my boyfriend all over again around 2 am today (i think). He woke up at 3 am or 3:30 am for drill. I remember looking at the clock but barely able to open my eyes bc my mascara was all up in it making my eyes cry. I think it said 330 just before he walked out. But for a good hour I woke up and I could tell he wasn’t sleeping. I woke up and I remember making a sound and I think he said “what?” Then he kissed my forehead. He kept playing with my hair and rubbing my scalp, caressing my face and rubbing my back for a good hour. Occasionally kissing my forehead or the top of my head. He’s always cuddly, that’s normal. But he was being so sweet. Like I was asleep and woke up to him doing this kinda thing. It just makes my cold heart swell up. I love him. I do. But sometimes my feelings are confused because I never know where we stand. I never know what he wants out of this relationship. And I feel after being one month away from our 10 year anniversary that should be something we know by now. I am also scared to death with him being in the Army. I never want ANYTHING bad happen to him. I am scared to death to wake up one day and find out he’s gone. I feel like the last week before he is eventually deployed I am going to look at it like “This could be the last time I ever see him” and I don’t want to think that way. But I am scared to fucking death of losing him. It keeps me up at night. It makes me sick. It makes me panic. Not just army related stuff but also car accidents and what not. I am scared of the people I love dying. It makes me sick. Like usually he texts me at some point in the morning before drill but he didn’t today so I panicked thinking he didn’t get there okay and was hurt. And I refuse to text him first ever bc i never want to bother him. Anyways, i have been on and off on what I want to do. I don’t think I can handle him being deployed. My anxiety is going to be high and I know I will be physically sick. But I want to be with him. I have viewed him as my “forever” since 8th grade. I don’t want that to change. I just need to find a support system. Whether it be friends. family or therapy. And milso's may see this and think I am pathetic bc “he will be going through worse than I am” and i KNOW that. But keep in mind that I have this thing called a mental illness so already I am not as strong as the average person to begin with. My mind is a constant battle. My feelings and emotions are extreme compared to the normal person. One thing that may be small to one person will be the end of the world for me and I think suicide is a rational reason. I don’t need to be made feeling like shit for it. He will ALWAYS have it worse. And I am trying to be better for him. I want him to be able to talk to me about this. Even if I don’t understand it. I would do ANYTHING for him. Including giving up my dreams. Marriage, children, cosmetology, and moving to Salem MA. I am pretty sure I can’t have kids anyways. But I would do anything for him. I am just too anxiety ridden to tell him.So………I guess I am just going to tag him later on when I feel brave, and hope for the best

[milsojourney]

My boyfriend is a trucker and is talking about giving it up to go Air Force. Could you give me any advice on what to expect with the change and blogs to follow? Thanks!

It sounds like you’re accustomed to stints of time apart, which is great. He’s going to go off to basic training and you have to prepare for little to no contact while he’s there. Letters and phone calls are at the discretion of him command and I would not advise sending care packages, as he will either not receive them or it will bring unnecessary attention to him. Once he graduates all of his trainings, he will head to his first duty station and will not be able to move out of the barracks unless he is married. Do not rush into marriage for this reason. LDR’s are valid and can work. Y'all will both adjust to the new life and can make it work.

As for blogs, this one is a good choice and you can message me anytime. @milsotherapy is a good one to follow with friendly admins and good advice. I haven’t personally used any other therapy blogs that are out there, but you can find them in the milso tag and see for yourself. There are other spouses and girlfriends you can follow too, but I would advise only picking the ones you relate to and can click with. This community is known for its drama and some people will befriend you just to start it. So tread lightly when making new friends. @itsybitsysmomma is a sweet girl and is in an LDR with her husband while he pursues his career with the army and she pursues her college degree. @thestartofabeautifulride is another great choice, as she’s very friendly too. @abeauyootifulmess is living overseas with her husband currently, and a very good friend too. There are many others I could mention, but you can find whoever you want through networking in this community.

I wish you the best with this new journey. If you have anymore questions, feel free to message me again.

[mytherapistmarriedtonavy]

When is the last time you visited my blog page? Don’t be a stranger! Link in the bio 💛 . . . . . #blogger #bloggerstyle #therapist #mentalhealth #therapy #mentalhealthawareness #emotions #emotional #social #wellness #wellbeing #advocate #educator #influencer #teacher #counselor #lmhc #military #militarylife #navy #navywife #milso #resilience #encouragement #weekend #weekendvibes #reading #healthylifestyle #running #goals https://www.instagram.com/p/BqT831RFnYb/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=shemdbnp7hs5

[acoustic-aly]

The hardest part about losing someone is realizing how big your bed is.

Time doesn’t heal.

[countingdownthedays]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdwPOfipbAM)

HEY GUYS HEYYY GUYS! 

SO! I’ve decided to REVAMP my youtube channel and make it into a milso advice type channel! So here’s my newest video! Go check it out and I hope you all enjoy<3 

I also have a “Girlfriends guide to surviving BMT” video on there too if that interests you! 

[armywifelifee]

You guys please check out my new video on YouTube - The Military Spouse tag! Learn all about myself and my husband and our little military life together! No matter what branch of the military you or your spouse are in, give it a watch & feel free to make you're own! It's a lot of fun. :) Let me know if you do and I'll check it out! Thanks xoxo

[fortheloveofasailor0822-blog]

When you spend Veteran’s day at the park playing with someone else’s kids, you reignite your baby fever… I need my sailor back...

[timeneverst0ps-blog]

I miss him.

[enomed]

[liveboldstaygold]

I'm missing my bug today. I am traveling to New York in three weeks so I hope he can take a train for the weekend while I'm there from D.C.

[theheartdreams]

Changed my wallpaper on my phone last night ❤️ from day 1 all the way to the last day we were together! I love this man to the stars and back! See you soon baby! You're in my heart and I'm in yours 💞🙏🏻