#milk was a bad choice

[starqueensthings]

Imagine. Determined as all-hell to escape the cursed Citadel. Adrenaline surging. Heart pounding. Watching an enemy take aim at the shuttle... the only means of escape. A split second decision. “Echo, look out!” Something large and foreign in hand. The shuttle stairs under foot. A blast. Then... nothing... until he returns to a state of semi consciousness. Alone. Replaying that moment over and over and over; the fear in his brother’s voice reverberating around his mind, like an echo, for what feels like an eternity.

[craponmycake]

Me in this FUCKING HEAT. Iykyk

[cold-earth-connection]

ITS SO DAMN HOT.

I asked the guys here to buy me a wide brimmed straw hat for the sun, so they bought me a floppy ladies hat instead. But i think we're making it work?

[jabronibaloney]

me thinking bout my life

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[lilaceas]

[shallandavar613]

So I'm watching the milkman with the new translated subtitles (woo hoo!!!) and they changed "do you know what rhymes bring? Crime" to "do you know what rhymes bring? An orange" to make it rhyme...I think that's amazing 😂

Also I'm curious what they did in other languages if people know.

[jabronibaloney]

[yakny]

Knight Bobo, wearing some of the patterns I drew :D!

[clericofshadows]

not me making a video of this full scene--post-Zorya make-up sex

the gifs are good but like I wanted a 1080p version for myself and thought I'd share.

anyway the song is Test of Loyalty from CP2077:PL and while I know the context of the song is... way different from this I'm obsessed with it and liked the backdrop it provided since y'know... we have Shepard's voice coming out of Zaeed and Jack's voice coming out of Regis.

tbh now I wish I kept the red lighting for the gifs, I made it a lot lighter and a bit orange so they wouldn't be washed out...

[munch-mumbles]

roommate kind of wigged me out earlier talking about us potentially needing to get passports and flee the country if things get Real bad for trans people here. soothing myself thinking about the delicious smoothie im going to have for breakfast tomorrow

[comradecowplant]

I was on board for the season 1 nostalgia circle jerk (ily Seven ❤❤❤), I could even overlook the Interesting "put him in a scifimagic flesh & blood android body that will have zero further consequences to either Picard's personal journey or the greater scientific reality of such an invention" choice, but season 2 skywalker family legacy "Picard's ancestor is so important that she needs a secret time agency body guard thatfornoreasonlooksliketheladyhehasawilltheywonttheywith" baloney is not doing it for me. The entire season so far coulda been a TNG Q/time travel shenanigans 2-parter. Best part is the toxic yuri between Borg Queen and doc "we've got bad Marvel one-liners at home" jurati, otherwise I'm sadly getting pretty bored with Picard.

[aria0fgold]

I never thought tofu could be this terrible.

[kbrooksauthor]

Megalodon camp counselor who brings the chocolate milk

summer isnt over until the tingleverse summer bbq lets trot buckaroos who is your date? format is way of MY DATE IS THE (1) (2) WHO BRINGS THE (3)

[aromanticannibal]

i didn't sleep since yesterday 2pm but at least i have a good meal

[airenyah]

i went to a thai restaurant for dinner tonight and they had pink milk on the menu so ofc yours truly had to try it