#mike is the guy ever rn

[flojouno]

guys autism made me draw again. give me 3-5 business days to learn how to draw again JUST for mike

[jackmkelly]

broadway flea this weekend. sunset boulevard rehearsing in shubert alley. manifesting a giuseppe and pierre sighting for my sake.

[ohfallingdisco]

It’s the middle of the night and here I am with a stomachache from thinking too hard about Mike Wheeler again-

[wolvisms]

ok across the spiderverse thoughts in the tags

[butterbrnttoast]

goodness gracious! i havent posted anything here in a while! update, tumblr markiplites: ive been on a job guy/p*rniplier kick lately, ive created a whole universe for them and its just been an odd little obsession recently so have my redesigns for them! oho!

you may know these guys as the p*rnipliers, but i like to call them the job guys..

(disclaimer: i know they're p*rn tropes im so very aware of that, i personally dont like them that way, they're insanely good vessels for comedy sketches and are just the things ever to me, so try not to get TOO bark-y i'd appreciate it, call them hot n stuff but erm, yeah 😁 im also just really proud of the 6 different poses and anatomy practice that got out of this anyways)

its my pleasure to introduce (in this order from left to right):

Matthew (Matt), Manfred (Manny), Milton, Mike, Martin and Marco!

[ferida-kahlo]

♡ Hotline ♡

Mikey Berzatto x F!Reader

Summary: You and Mikey have been casually seeing each other for a few weeks. After a late night text from him, you make the drunken insomniac executive decision of calling him back. Naughtiness ensues.

Or: the one where you and Michael have phone sex.

Warnings: 18+, SMUT, M/F. Minors DNI // PWP, P!rn With Feelings. Phone sex, flirting, teasing, sexual innuendos, dirty talking, mentions of oral sex (m. receiving), masturbation (m. and f.), sexual fantasies, role-playing scenarios, librarian k!nk, mentions of rough sex. // Blink-and-you-miss-it angst, alcohol use, mentions of insomnia, anxiety and self esteem issues.

Word count: 3.8k

Read below the cut OR on AO3

Notes: Reader wears glasses in this - don't look at me like that, it's integral to the plot 🙄

For the history nerds, the quote at the beginning is from the book "Fire from Heaven" by Mary Renault, about the relationship between Alexander the Great and his friend and lover, Hephaestion.

Enjoy! As always, likes, comments and reblogs are very appreciated ♡

His feelings were confused; he wanted to grasp till Alexander's very bones were somehow engulfed within himself, but knew this to be wicked and mad; he would kill anyone who harmed a hair of his head…

… you yawned at the page you’d been reading (i.e., staring at without absorbing a single bit of information), before turning your head to the nightstand and seeing the clock mark 2:49 am.

“Good god”, you whispered, tiredly rubbing your face with one hand, while the other reached for the half-full glass of red wine keeping you company in your insomnia.

Technically, you knew drinking was the last thing you should be doing on a weeknight, when you were having a hard time falling asleep and were expected at work in the morning. But living alone was really not helping you behave like a responsible adult with bills to pay. So, you slowly sip your wine, read your book, and hope that eventually your brain will give up and allow you to pass out for at least a few hours.

Suddenly, your phone lights up with a text. Michael B., it says on the screen. A pang of excitement hits you, and you immediately scoff for reacting so earnestly to a text from a guy you’ve been with (not even biblically, just the daytime coffee dates that people with busy lives manage to pack into a crazy week) for a grand total of two times and less than two hours, overall. Not pathetic at all.

Still, you can’t help but reach for the phone.

Hey, I know it’s late and you probably won’t read this until morning, sorry. Wanna have dinner at that spot we talked about? I can pick you up at the office ;) – M.

You smile, and without really thinking, hit the call button.

He picks up quickly, an amused tone in his voice. “Well, I was not expecting that. What the hell are you still doing up, princess? No work tomorrow?”

You laugh. “God, I wish. I just can’t sleep. Haven’t had one of these nights in a while… my brain won’t shut up, even though I’m so tired I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck”.

“Ooof. That fucking sucks.”

“Yup.”

“Well, I’m glad to be your booty call in this desperate time.”

“Michael”, you laugh so hard you choke on some wine and must set the glass back on the table. “I really don’t think that’s what this is”.

“Oh, no?”, he feigns innocence.

“No…”, chuckling, you continue with the most sultry, mock-seductive voice you can muster “… a booty call is if I was like: Sooo, Mikey… are you, like, busy right now? Do you wanna… come over? I’m aaall alone…”.

You make sure to put particular emphasis on the word ‘come’ and Mike sounds like he is doubling over with laughter. “That was the worst proposition I have ever heard, no doubt”.

“Oh, yeah? Well, you’re officially off my booty call list. I don’t need this kind of negativity in my life.”

“Ah, shit… I fucked up now, didn’t I?”, you swear you can hear his grin from the other end of the line. And see the laugh lines that form on the corner of his eyes when he smiles genuinely, the rare but so cute nose crinkle that makes your belly flutter…

You would love to get a fucking grip, thank you very much, but the wine was making you incapable of keeping a level head in this flirtation.

“Well… all is not lost. Taking me out to dinner is a good start to redeem yourself. If your game is on point tomorrow, your booty call list status might be revised… in the not-so-far future”, you add, suggestively.

“Shit. Now the stakes are on. I gotta be on my best behavior tomorrow, then”.

“I don’t know about best behavior…”. You feel like slapping yourself for your lack of subtlety.

He chuckles. “So… you like them a little nasty, huh?”

You’re glad he can’t see you blush furiously. “Not like that… but I do like a man who isn’t afraid to… take what he wants. Respectfully, of course.”

“Of course… damn, girl. You’re getting me thinking about all sorts of things…”

“Well, you’re the one who started talking about booty calls. It’s technically your fault”.

“That’s fucking rich. I was being a gentleman, sent you a sweet text and all. Not a single sex reference!”, he says, proudly.

“Ok, that is true”, you concede, laughing softly. “Are you still at the restaurant?”

He sighs deeply. “Yeah… paperwork coming out of my eyeballs. I don’t even understand how the hell I organized this mess”. You hear rustling through the line, and imagine the mess of letters, invoices and bills that must be covering his office desk.

“That fucking sucks”.

“Word”. His chair squeaks loudly. “So… what are you wearing?”

You laugh. “You’re unbelievable”.

“What? I’m just trying to keep the conversation light, you know? Nobody wants to hear about my fuckin’ paperwork at 3 am”.

It was subtle, but you could sense something deeper in his words (sadness? self-deprecation?).

“I wouldn’t mind hearing about your ‘fuckin’ paperwork’ at any time of day, Michael”.

The line goes silent, and you fear you went too deep, too soon. Made this weird in record time, wow.

“I didn’t mean it like… I meant if you want to talk to me about your shitty day, you know, you can, but I don’t want you to be uncomf-”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay sweetheart. I get it… thank you for that”, he says, softly. “Maybe some other time. Right now, I honestly just wanna forget about this for a little while... I was really pumped when you called”.

“That’s okay. Really?” You smile, relieved.

“Yeah, really. So… wanna make a guy happy and tell him what you’re wearing?”

With a chuckle, you concede. “Well, nothing. I’m in bed and I sleep naked, so… yeah”.

There’s a heavy pause. “Holy shit. Are you for real?”

“Um, yeah?”

“Jesus, fuck… baby, you can’t say stuff like that and expect me to be normal about it”.

You grin, having just decided that, actually, you wanna play dirty.

“Who says I want you to be normal about it? Besides”, you throw back, suggestively, “I hardly think a woman can be held accountable for what she says after four glasses of wine on a Thursday night… naked and alone, in such a big bed…”

“Now, see, that was a much better pitch for a booty call than the first o-”

“I’m gonna hang up.”

“No, no, no, I’m sorry”, he laughs.

“You’re an asshole”. Even as you say it, you’re smiling.

“And you are a minx, lady. Gettin’ a guy all worked up…”

“Oh, my... I don’t know what you mean…”, you whisper into the comforter, now balled up in your fist over your mouth, as if to cover up your blushing cheeks from an invisible audience.

“Oh, I disagree… I think you know exactly what you’re doing”. There’s a note of sarcasm in his voice you find exhilarating. A sudden noise – like a chair squeaking loudly on a panel floor – can be heard from his end. Followed by… a metallic rattle, more subtle but still clear. A… belt unbuckling?

Wait. Is he…?

You grin, amused. “Mr. Berzatto… I’m hearing suspicious noises. What is going on over there?”

A deep grunt. “Nothin’ much, sweetheart. Just making myself comfortable, is all”.

“And how exactly are you doing that, mister?”

“You know… freeing the junk.”

Your eyebrows shoot up. “Well, that certainly helps set the mood”.

“Hm… baby, can I ask you for something? It’s totally fine if you don’t wanna do it… but I figure I might as well shoot my shot.”

You notice you are sitting up very still against the pillows in your bed, holding your breath in anticipation. “Sure… what is it?”

A heavy pause follows. Your heart feels like it’s about to beat itself out of your ribcage, your throat feels dry, and your tongue sits heavy and thick in your mouth, the taste of wine suddenly overpowering your senses. And you are so horny.

“Could you… send me a photo of you right now? Are you wearing those new glasses?”. He sounds… eager, almost nervous with the way he trips over the second question.

Oh. Something clicks for you, then. You smile. “So, you really liked the new glasses, huh?”

“Shit… c’mon, don’t bust my balls about it”, he says, with an embarrassed chuckle of admission.

“I’m not! It’s very flattering, actually”. You hope you conveyed how much you are not making fun of him. However, you hate misunderstandings, and to dispel any that might be going on here, you decide there is only one acceptable solution.

“Give me a minute”, you tell him, determined. You don’t wait for an answer before you drop your phone and get to work.

Meanwhile, Mikey sits in his rusty office chair, in what he thinks must look like a very… undignified position. Cock out, right hand stroking it lazily, slumped back with his jeans barely down his ass, work shirt dirty and stinking of cooking oil, his entire body tense in a mix of anticipation and shame. A part of him can’t help but wonder if you are fucking with him: laughing from the other end of the line, leaving him hanging – literally and figuratively (he chuckles dejectedly at the realization that he still remembers something from high school Lit class). He guesses he would kinda deserve that. What type of freak asks for nudes after two… dates? Do those rapid-fire coffee-grabs even count? He is so shit at this. Anything more than a casual hook-up or a quickie behind a sleezy pub is rocket science for him. ‘Congrats, loser! You just fucked it, yet again’.

Then, his phone pings. 5 photos received.

In the first one, you are lying on your side, in bed, a dim warm light illuminating the scene. He can see the contours of your body clearly, despite being covered by a layer of nearly sheer white sheets. His gaze follows your exposed collarbone, to the silhouette of your breasts – he is sure you purposefully allowed a bit of side-boob to slip past the entrapment of sheets… just for him.

He swears he could stare at the shapes of your body all day and never get tired – or limp. His dick is throbbing painfully, now.

It does not get better when he sees the rest of the photos. Your face is visible, on those. The last two are his favorites. You are laying on your stomach, with the reading glasses on, as promised – except they sit lower on your nose than usual, so that your eyes peak out from over the top of the frames. Your hair is down, tousled and wild like it’s just gotten messed up. ‘Is this what she looks like after…’. You are holding a glass of wine to your mouth – lips plump and lightly tinged red – that detail drives him a little insane –, and in front of you lays a book, delicately held open with your other hand. And in the last photo, the sheets have slipped lower down your breasts, revealing a generous cleavage. You’re staring directly at the camera with an inquiring gaze, biting your lower lip. ‘Come get me’.

“… Mike? Are you still there?”

It’s been some time since you sent the photos (twenty seconds, which your anxiety tells you is actually half an hour), with no reaction from him. Your cheeks heat up, and you suddenly feel very silly and insecure. Are they even… good? What makes a good nude? Do these even qualify as nudes? You’re not showing anything super explicit… they’re suggestive, at best. Is he going to think you’re a prude? God, why is this so diff-

Mike clears his throat. “Yeah, I… fuck. Fuckin’ hell. Holy shit. Sweetheart… these are so hot. Jesus… thank you so much. You’re so fuckin’ gorgeous…”. The last part comes out as a whisper, like he’s starstruck.  

You didn’t know it was possible to get more flustered than you already were. “You’re welcome… I’m flattered I managed to make Michael Berzatto incoherent over some low-res thirst trap selfies.”

“Baby, these are genuinely the hottest pics I’ve ever seen. You look like a hot librarian or something”.

You laugh out loud, triumphantly. “Ah! I knew it!”

“What?”, he laughs along.

“Something you wanna share with the class, Mr. Berzatto?”.

“Fuck, don’t stop calling me that, sweetheart”, he says, sounding out of breath.

“Yeah?”, you whisper.

“Fuck, yeah. It’s just… I’ve got a thing for girls with a kinda nerdy, librarian type of vibe, you know? And when I saw you this last time, holding a book and wearing your reading glasses… I gotta admit, my mind went straight to the gutter.”

Interesting. “Really? What did you imagine then?”.

A pause. “I’m not sure you want to hear it… I don’t want you thinking I’m a pervert or something”.

You sigh. “Mikey, I just sent you near-naked photos of me. We’re having phone sex. We are two horny adults having fun. Besides…”, you switch your tone to what you hope comes across as faux innocence, “… I asked you about it. It is kinda my fault, right? I guess I was kind of… bad”.

“Oh, is that what’s happening?”. He chuckles, as if saying challenge accepted. “Alright, then. When I saw you like that for the first time, this image popped into my head, right? I mean, you looked like a really hot librarian. So, I started picturing you in that scenario, with big glasses and all – just like the photos you sent me… except you had your hair in a cute ponytail, and your lips were even redder with lipstick… and you were wearing fishnet stockings up to your thighs – fuck, you got such nice legs, baby –, and you had a pair of those… what are they called. Uh, kitten heels. Yeah. Fuck, your ass would look unbelievable like that. I mean, it is unbelievable, you know what I mean? When you show up at the restaurant wearing those cute little dresses and skirts, I feel my dick twitching in my pants… that’s how hot you are, baby… that’s how crazy you make me feel.”

His words were streaming out like an avalanche – a filthy stream-of-consciousness. Flash images of all the times you were together pop into your mind. He was always nice and polite to you, if cheeky – that was his personality, after all. You’d never felt disrespected or threatened around him. Maybe that’s why, now that you knew he had been actively thinking about you like this… you were very turned on.

“Too much, sweetheart? You wanna keep listening to this filth?”

“… yeah, Mikey. Keep going. What happened then?”

“Then, I took you to a hidden corner in the library, rucked up your pretty little skirt and ripped your real nice dress shirt open… you know, so I could suck on your tits while I fucked you hard against some shelves. Didn’t even need to rip your panties off, ‘cause you weren’t wearing any. Just lifted you up and slammed my cock right into your pussy… God, you were drippin’ wet for me, and you mewled so sweetly… loud, too. Had to shove my fingers into your pretty mouth to keep you quiet. That’s what I imagined, sweetheart. More or less.”

The crass and vivid way in which he described his fantasy made you speechless. It was exhilarating. Knowing that all those times he had talked to you with a straight face, he had been actively fantasizing about fucking you hard. His words.

“Jesus Christ, Mikey”, you breathe out. “That’s… I can’t believe we had entire conversations while you had a cheap porn flick playing in your head”, you laugh softly, unconvincingly.

He sighed deeply. “See, I knew this was a bad idea… honey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel like shit. I guess I’m just a fucking perv-”

“Babe…”, you interrupt him, gentle, but firm, “shut up, please. I’m messing with you. I told you, it’s very flattering that you’re attracted to me. In fact… it’s super hot. Knowing you were having all those dirty thoughts about me while still being a gentleman… is making me feel all kinds of things, right now.”

“Yeah? What kinds of things?”

“Good things, Mikey… I’m so wet right now”, you mewl, the need for release in your core overwhelming the embarrassment you would be feeling otherwise. Without thinking, you kick the sheets away from your body and cup one of your breasts, kneading it and flicking your nipple – a moan leaves your mouth in a desperate plea.

“Fuck”, he whispers, “you got wet over that filth? Jesus Christ, baby. I won the fuckin’ lottery”.

You are burning with desire, and you can feel your pussy throbbing when you finally give in, sliding one hand down and shoving two fingers inside with barely any resistance. “Mikey… I wanna come so bad. Can you talk me through it… please?”

“Fuck… yeah, sweetheart, anything you want”. He moans, then, and you don’t think you have ever been so turned on in your life. Mikey Berzatto, a horny, moaning mess, jerking off in his mess of an office at 3 am… because of you.

Chicago’s Helen of Troy. You chuckled softly at the thought and decided to up the ante. “Baby… do you know what I was thinking when you were telling that beautiful story just now?”

He laughs, voice recked. “What, baby?”

You pout, and add another finger in, increasing the pace of the thrusts. “I wish you had pictured kissing me real hard, while I unbuckled your belt… would you let me get down on my knees for you, baby? I really wanna have you in my mouth, Mikey, like, right now”. Your words come out broken, sentences all messed up – you sound pathetic, but you are so past caring.

“Shit-”, a gasp, followed by a deep breath and the noise of something hitting a surface really hard. “… holy shit. Baby, I imagined all that and a whole lot more – seriously, you have no idea. Hell, if the lady wants to suck my dick, who am I to deny her, uh? Fuck. Would you let me fuck your mouth, baby…?”

You moan loudly at that and realize you need both hands, putting the phone on speaker – fuck the neighbors – and bringing your other hand to your clit, rubbing lightly, but fast. You were so close. The thought of kneeling on the floor, clothes and hair all messed up from Mikey’s hands, lipstick smudged… looking up at him, and watching his composure unravel because of you…

“Hm… yeah, Mikey, I think I would… ‘cause you’re so nice to me… such a gentleman, even when you’re fucking me hard… would you ask me real nice, baby? Hold my face gently in your big hands, while you fuck it?”

“Fuck, baby… I would treat you so right, you deserve everything-”, he chokes up and, for a few moments, you hear a distant cacophony of noises, like he’s put the phone down. Then, he’s back. “Sorry, sweetheart, I need both hands now”, he chuckles.

You giggle, “Me too… you got me so hot I’m fucking myself on my fingers and rubbing my clit at the same time… and it’s still not enough. I need you…”

“Fuck, that’s so hot. You fuckin’ yourself because of me… I know it’s not enough, baby… you need my cock, don’t you?”

“Yes! Mikey… please…”, you howl, completely out of your mind.

“How do you want me to fuck you, baby? Hm? Want it nice and slow? Nah… I think you like it fast and rough, don’t you? Long as I keep kissing you real good, touchin’ you real gentle, all over your body… you’d let me do anything to you, wouldn’t you?”. How he manages to say such filthy things with so much honey dripping from every syllable, is beyond you.

“Yeah, fuck, baby… it doesn’t matter. I’m so wet already, you don’t need to do anything else, just hoist me up in your arms and pin me against the shelves… and shove it in me”.

You are still holding onto a shred of decency because you blush at your own crass admission – still, there is clearly not a whole lot left, as you start rubbing your clit and fucking yourself harder and faster. “I don’t want you to be gentle when you fuck me… I just need to feel your cock stretch me open… wanna feel the sting of it for days, be at work and not be able to focus because all I can think about is how you fucked me so good-”

At this point, you have no idea if he can understand anything you’re saying, because your words are intercut with moans and gasps and mewls and incoherent babble, as you’re about to reach your peak imagining Mikey’s on top of you, railing you into the bed.

“Baby, I’m gonna come… fuckin’ Christ”.

“Mikey- fuck!”.

Your body shakes and your eyes roll back from the strength of your orgasm. Distantly, your brain registers a broken string of moans and curses from the other end of the line.

A few seconds pass, and you feel yourself coming back down to Earth. You lazily stretch out on the bed, completely relaxed and fucked out. “That’s so cute… we came at the same time, babe”, you happily whisper, a ditsy smile on your face.

He huffs, amused “Yeah… what can I say? I’m a romantic at heart”.

You laugh sincerely. “This was… so good, actually. I’m glad I gave into my instinct and called you”.

“Well, I’m even more sticky now”. You both laugh at that. “But I’m also glad you called… like, really glad. Uh, can I ask you something?”

You notice a shift in his voice.

“Yeah… what is it?”

“I don’t want things to get weird between us after this… Like, I don’t want you to feel like you need to do all these things to get me off. You know what I mean? It’s just a fantasy… I’ll have you in any way you want me. Okay?”

You feel a tightness in your chest, and you wish, not for the first time tonight, you had him right in front of you so you could kiss him all over and hug him.

“Mikey… I genuinely liked tonight. And the more we talk, the more I like you. You’re not the only one who feels like you won the lottery…”.

“Baby… you’re too sweet. Don’t you think you already got me blushing enough for one night?”

“That’s fucking rich. I must’ve gone through all shades of red tonight, because of your filthy mouth”.

“Please. You loved it”, he chuckles.

“Yeah, I guess I did”, you concede, with a smile.

After saying goodbye – and confirming that yes, you would very much like for him to pick you up and take you to dinner later – you fall asleep fast, your mind finally catching up to the pleasant tiredness in your body, a soft smile on your lips.

[alexluvsskittlez]

it's currently 2 am rn so this rant may not make any sense. plus I was tweaking the hell out so...

also this is NOT aimed towards all linkin park fans, just THOSE ones..

i have tried my best to stay chill and hold in my rage about all of this, but idgaf anymore. all Emily fucking did was continue Chester's legacy and served cunt and yall decided "oh let's dig up her past and dehumanize her for it! let's also write disgusting fanfics and make disgusting images of her!" you guys fucking DISGUST ME. YOU GUYS ARE THE REASON IM SCARED OF TRYING TO FIND CONTENT OF HER, YOU GUYS ARE THE REASON WHY IM TERRIFIED FOR HER SAFETY. if you have done RESEARCH YOU WOULD'VE KNOWN THAT SHE REGRETS SUPPORTING DANNY MASTERSON, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT HER SONGS IN DEAD SARA ARE PRO MENTAL HEALTH AND ANTI RELIGION, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT THE CHANCES OF HER STILL BEING IN SCIENTOLOGY ARE ALMOST NON EXISTENT, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT IF SHE SPEAKS OUT AGAINST SCIENTOLOGY SHE WOULD PUT HER AND HER LOVED ONES IN A LOT OF DANGER. you guys are so unbelievably ignorant, gross and stupid it's actually making me believe that jake webber fans are the most sane fans in existence. you guys treat Emily like she's this irredeemable monster, that's not who she fucking is. i was always concerned for her safety, but seeing the shit y'all say, write, edit of her makes my concern for her safety go through the ROOF. if anything and I mean ANYTHING bad happens to her, I am blaming every single one of you lp "fans" who continue to dehumanize her and spread hate about her. you guys deeply disgust me. I GUARANTEE you all that if it was a man in her position none of this would've ever happened. I had a really fucking bad panic attack after finding out some of the shit y'all are saying about her. Chester would despise you types of "fans".

why can't yall just be fucking respectful for once, Mike and the other guys look like they're the happiest they've been in a long time, Emily looks happy, and I'm sure that Chester would be happy that his friends are happy making music together again, and that someone is continuing his legacy.

and look, I miss Chester so much EVERY FUCKING DAY since I first started listening to lp, and I'm sure you guys do too. but harassing Emily isn't doing anything besides bring more harm to her. it's okay to dislike her, dehumanizing and harassing her is not. leave her alone.

just please try to be happy that this band is together and happy again. Emily is on that fucking stage serving exactly what you "fans" are. CUNT!!! (sorry that sounded way better in my head 💔)

[dahliascophin]

what types of places all the UD cast would fuck in? More to less risky? Love your works ❤️❤️!!

love this- will be short because i have immediate thoughts on this LMFOQJF

warnings: public sex, mike is a fucking freak ass mf...josh is worse HAHA- uhh idk spit i guess!?... probs forgetting smth per usual!

Boys!:

Mike: Risk central. yep. he loves that shit- fuck i imagine Josh catching you two fucking in like the bathroom after you two made the excuse of taking a bath together which.. i mean.. isn't totally wrong... but you ended up bent over the edge of the massive tub "forgetting" to lock the door... whoops i guess

Josh: He likes the risk because he likes seeing you scared and whimpering "we're gonna get caught!" and in his head hes just like yeah... yeah hunny thats the point. definitely fucked you in the movie room with a gorey movie on in the back while everyone is asleep upstairs- making you try to keep quiet 😵‍💫

Chris: he's more ballsy- he would let you sit on his lap with his cock stuffed inside you while you desperately try to not squirm and make any type of indication to what was happening while maybe hanging out with Josh or smth kmfgwhfj maybe even have you ride his dick while he games and has his headset on your head with the mic on full blast to see if you either break infront of the guys or can cum quietly enough jjsjsjd

Matt: definitely more on the tame side when it comes to public stuff. Not to say he doesn't like some risk sometimes tho...he's more into like subtly fingering you or you giving him a handjob wjjsjdj. i feel like matt would be the type to wanna do some stuff in the wilderness yk?? like maybe mutuql masturbation in a not to secluded area up at the lodge ehehhehe

girls!:

Jess: yeah. atp just eat her out infront of everyone ??? jk jk no-- unless? off topic sorrz! anyways, yeah she digs that shit soo much she loves when you ask her to wear skirts w/out panties so you can feel her up where ever whenever you want too- links hand in hand with the free use thing...she is the type to probably enjoy a remote controlled vibe and going shopping with friends and then you dragging her off to the mall bathroom and fucking her to tears and her then havibg to fix her makeup and complain about it as if she didnt love it 😭

Emily: She likes to publicly tease you, esp infront of the guys (BISEXUALS RISE UP) she likes the risk bcus she likes to embarrass you lets all be serious rn. (maybe even have you ride a strap while she makes Mike watch OJAHOSH LET ME STOP THERE-)

Ashley: she likes risk! but like matt, definitely is less inclined to it if its full sex. she also likes hand stuff. id say she wouldnt mind fingering eachother and making out in the room next to someone's who they want to make jealous or smth tehehe

Sam: the least out of them all to be into the risk, but if its the occasional over the clothing touching to tease before she takes you home to royally fuck you? ohhooo yes maam she digs that. She would definitely like to invite another gal or guy to help tease you through out the day like at the mall, or the movie theater jsjs

NEED THEM ALL!

[willow-lark]

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If Time Runs Out by @rainypebble07 (T, ongoing, 14k+) - BYLER PIRATE AU!!! 🏴‍☠️ i literally just discovered this one today and i'm actually obsessed. i have never seen any other pirate aus (🤨) n i just wanna say u guys are missing out on the concept and on this fic bc i'm so invested. i'm so excited to see where this fic goes. royal mike x pirate mike is SO GOOD.

how to get your crush to believe you love him: a guide by mike wheeler by @newlesbianprideflag (T, 3/4, 11k+) - mike goes across the country to visit will at college in an attempt to confess his feelings to him. will, who has a boyfriend already and would like to think himself very over mike, thank you, is not impressed. this one deconstructs a lot of popular/fanon tropes and is really great so far!!

california show your teeth by @fireflywitch (T, 8/19, 63k+) - ok this one mayyybe only has background byler but i'm reccing it anyway bc it's one of my FAVORITE regularly updating fics maybe EVER. in early 1985, chief hopper and his average, normal family move from lenora hills, california to hawkins, indiana--the latter of which has had multiple tragedies over the past few years, to which the new chief's family may or may not be linked. LIKE WHATTTT 👀 go read it RN. masterpiece

All Good Dogs by @hellfiremike (T, 1/1, 3.8k) - this one actually made me cry. featuring: an EXCELLENT character study of will byers, a heartfelt examination of canon and what comes after, and chester the dog getting the attention he deserves and never got in canon 😭

kiss me (try to fix it) by birthofv3nus (T, 1/1, 4k) - will has kissed every member of the party except for mike, who is, understandably, taking this news *SO* well and is not jealous about it at *ALL.* but maybe his situation is not quite as dire as he believes it to be....ugh this one was such a fun read, and you know i loveee party dynamics!!

drank my poison all alone by silverluminoqity (T, 1/1, 4k) - mike is going through it, and, though vecna seems to have been vanquished, maybe he's not so completely gone as everyone thinks.... this is an excellent exploration of both mike's guilt as well as his evolution as a character, and how he views himself. super in-character and super good!!

high tide came and brought you in (and i could go on and on) by silverluminoqity (T, 1/1, 8k) - MOTEL FIC MOTEL FIC MOTEL FIC 🥳 or, mike and will have yet another heart to heart, and some things are revealed. this fic is just so completely heartfelt and UGH i was MELTING the ENTIRE TIME, holy SHIT. probably in my top 3 motel fics EVER tbh.

Chasing Heartlines by @cherryisgone (T, 1/2, 6k+) - i was so excited to read the first chapter of the sequel to maybe one of the best byler fantasy aus ever!! knight mike pining after prince will is something that can actually be so personal to me. i love a good mike-won't-shut-up-about-will fic. the attention to detail in this fic is actually INSANE.

[jjdollasign]

hey guys so weekend blog

on friday i went to dave n busters with my dad and then olivia called and said she had ringworm right before i was about to go down and i was like dude wtf i don’t want that (i always think of jackson hoopes face in middle school i don’t want that shit) but i ended up going anyway. the drive took 6 FUCKING HOURS. and then we got there and watched the mike tyson and fake paul fight. most rigged shit i’ve ever seen i was so excited and then so let down. did u know jake paul made 40 million??? tyson made 20 million and his net worth is only 10 million rn so bro doubled that. anyways sorry. my mom barley talked to me bc she decided to make the thanksgiving with the entire family (when it was supposed to be just us but whatever) i had a lot of fun regardless with anthony and my sisters. also got into a fight with my cousin bc he’s a fucking dick. but i got home today and im happy to be home and i miss you guys lots. POST MORE BLOGS I WANT TO READ THEM

#wasthefightrigged? #ringworm #loganger #missingyou

[lucystark12]

today i asked my mom if game of thrones or stranger things is more MY show and she said stranger things and it kinda gave me an identity crisis but at the end of the day she’s right this is MY show because i’ve been watching this since i was nine. NINE. the soundtrack has influenced my music taste (subconsciously, but still) it’s introduced me to the second biggest celebrity crush i’ve ever had (who is also the blueprint for my type in guys) it started airing when i was 8 and is going to stop airing when im the same age as the characters (junior in hs next year) i want to name my son james (jaime) with the middle name michael (mostly inspired by my great uncle but also partly by mike wheeler) i’ve known that theme song and the show by default since i basically knew what a tv show was. when i was sick alone across the world in spain this was the show i fell back on. when i was convinced all of my friends hated me in eighth grade this was the show i fell back on. i fully grew up on stranger things. that’s MY show. i’m tired of pretending it’s not im putting my season three poster back up rn

[thesmpisonfire]

the two displayed skins with one username is throwing me off so bad, so like… if I may ask is tazercraft like,,, 2 guys, 1 username? is one taser and the other craft??? please help 😭

ONE TAZER ONE CRAFT 😭😭😭😭

OKAY SO INTRODUCTION TO MY FAVORITE BOYS EVER. THE ORIGINAL GREEN AND BLUE PAIRING

MIKE_THELINK

PACTW

THEY'RE PAC AND MIKE!! Tazercraft is their channel name!! They're an old duo in the Brazilian mcytber community and they focused on Minecraft roleplay (Herobrine: The Legend and Prison Escape are their most famous ones) and also minigames (they basically INVENTED hide and seek in br mcyt)

God i need. To make an introduction about all of them

Me rn

[62percentmaplesyrup]

I hate the idea of Chase happening in this season bc we really dont need new main characters, really, and dont get me wrong, i am really glad erica made a new friend BUT

i dont like some random guy, jealous Mike, and Will trying to move on from mike, but idk i feel as if there was already a love triangle ell, will, Mike, why do we need another one???

Random girl flirting with will and Mike getting overprotective or worried will might like her back is just way better and funnier to me bc then she wouldn't be a main protagonist bc she doesn't have a chance

Nothing beats jealous mike ofc💙💛💙💛

Omg and there at prom and a girl askes to dance with will like before, but this time mike speaks up LIKE NO HES NOT REALLY INTERESTED RN OR REALLY EVER OR HES GONNA HAFT TO PASS ON THAT ONE THX BECKY!!!!>:]

Girl- umm hey would u wanna like dance or something

Mike-. COUGHS CHOKES ON DRINK.. NO thanks hes good 😑

Girl-i wasnt asking u..stares at will..😒

Will- umm.. uhhh.. ��stares at mike

Errm i think hes good>:0☝️ ...stares in bitchy gay....🙄

>:0☝️ errmm i kinda think byler is gonna happen

[skyblueartt]

Can you describe your William and Henry personalities?

OHH sure thing!! It’s like having OCs with less steps LMAOO because we honestly know so little about their personalities before all of the horrors happened! I just make things up lmaooo- kinda just taking my favorite things I’ve seen from the fanbase as well as me just makin up some stuff because why not. I’m still relatively new to this fanbase so ah whatever, fuck it we ball!! Here’s my own personal interpretations of the guys

I’m also at work rn shhhh haha

William- I feel like he is VERY very charming. Eerily charming, even. Smooth talker, can say things that make him appear very personable and likeable. Is it all an act? Probably. Especially after he takes up his new “hobby” after his son dies. I feel like the man is a natural born performer. I imagine that he has a flair for the dramatics and probably has a great stage presence. I mean, he is a performer at the restaurant after all! I also like the idea that William is very egotistical, but deeply insecure. Idk, just think that’s interesting! Also- this guy is VERY eccentric and just an all around like weirdo, like I’m sure he’s very known around town. That whacky British guy who co-owns that chuck-e-cheese place popular with kiddos who is also really fuckin intelligent cuz he makes robots. Like. What a fuckin guy. Even though he’s a bit of a weirdo, since he’s so damn charming, nobody would ever think it possible for him to become this notorious fuckin killer. Terrifying! I also like to think that William has a bit of a strange sense of humor. This is self indulgent because I love dark humor and funny villains 😭

Henry- ah MAN I feel so bad for this guy. I wish we knew more about who he was before the murders! From Fnaf 6, I gather that he’s remorseful, feels guilty, sad, exhausted, and just fucking done. But who was he before everything? Idk! Personally, I LOVE to make him a nice guy who just got every damn thing in his life taken away from him, because that’s just really sad to me LMAO. :( I think Henry could look intimidating sometimes, right, like he’s a bigger guy with a beard and whatever- but he’s actually a really kindhearted guy. To me :’) though he could absolutely beat somebody up and win everytime. For sure. somebody once described him as “the personification of a bear” with how he looks and that’s so fuckin cute. I feel like he’s also got a sense of humor, and I adore imagining that he’s the only Mfer out there to encourage William’s weird ass jokes. He balances Will out, I imagine! Like yin and Yang. Not as sociable as William, I’m sure he’d rather just chill by himself with his robots (bro fuckin loves building robots). But with his loved ones, he’s super kind and funny and just a cool guy- just like, a cool dad or uncle figure. Probably would hug me so tight that I couldn’t breathe, and tbh I love that. Although AFTER Charlie’s death….oh BOY. I headcanon that he has a lot of bad coping mechanisms (alcohol), definitely shut off from the rest of the world, the “color from his life” is gone. Depressed in every sense of the word. I could yap more but I think ya get the jist!! (In my head, it’s fun to imagine Henry and post scoop Mike reconnecting because damn their lives were both ruined by the same guy. Traumatized found family!)

Not my OCs but damn do I treat them like they are😭 they are very fun characters to write and draw!

[love-kurdt]

Swooping, Sloping, Cursive Letters: 40

word count: 206

PLEASE READ THIS IS ME TRYING FIRST, AS THIS STORY RELIES HEAVILY UPON THE CONTEXT OF TIMT

December 15, 1990

Dear Will,

You’re asleep in your bed, and I’m hunched over your desk, writing this letter because I am freaking the fuck out. And not because I showed up at your house out of nowhere. Well, that too, I’m still kind of in denial that I had the guts to drive all the way to Chicago overnight. But the primary reason for my current freak out session is because we finally fucking communicated for once in our lives, and now… we’re actually together. And that’s all I’ve ever dreamed of.

I can’t believe it actually happened. It doesn’t feel real yet. I keep glancing in your direction and intermittently watching you sleep as I write, because I don’t ever want this moment to end. I keep thinking that at any second, I’m gonna blink and wake up on the floor of the frat house with a pounding headache and tears pricking my eyes. But then you let out one of your little sighs, and all feels right again. I’m here with you, and you love me too, and I’m just so… I’m so happy.

I know we have a lot to talk about, but I think that can wait until morning.

Love,

Mike

-

previous letter

homepage

-

GUYS. GUYS GUYS GUYS. it's finally done. i'm gonna cry. this has been a journey and a half, and i'm so glad y'all decided to join me. this is not the end; i'm finishing up the last chapter of now that we don't talk, and then we will continue mike and will's story in the sequel to TIMT & NTWDT: don't blame me !!! i am literally buzzing rn i can't wait.

to all of you who have loyally read, liked, and commented on this fic: THANK YOU. y'all have changed my life.

and to all of the people who are confused about the ending of this fic: READ THIS IS ME TRYING. YOU'LL THANK ME LATER.

[puckpocketed]

good morning puckpocketed it is @wehaveagathering from my main blog! I was wondering (and if you have already talked about this link me!) what your feelings are on the sharks upcoming offseason, who you're hoping for them to draft, who you're excited to see play either in their nhl or ahl roster, anything! :]

first of all. hello wehaveagathering dot tumblr my sour gummy candy my bespoke watchface my press-on nails....! thank you so much for dropping by <33 hearing from you is like oughh hello microcelebrity who decided i was cool... !!!! ok. deep inhale. I present to you:

puckpocketeds sharks offseason roundup

I am of two minds with Sharks hockey:

Nothing will ever go as I expect/predict because Mike Grier works in mysterious ways (Hertl trade was a wild day) and given I am following the San Jose Sharks ...we are here for a laff first and foremost. At least until we're competitive again. No point in thinking too hard because it ain't that serious and i have 0 control over what happens <3

On the other hand . kljsdalkjsdkl I am reading Elite Prospects' draft guide like the morning paper and absorbing massive amounts of data about my little guys and listening to podcasts and also following juniors games (you may have seen my very regular and hinged Memorial Cup Posting) and, yes, I even watched college hockey . I am unofficially the prospects slide maker for the Sharks Primer that I haven't opened in a week.

You may have asked the one person on tumblr who can give you an unskippable cutscene i hope ur ready for an unskippable cutscene !

General Off-season stuff/contracts

i am being fed off the scraps of Henry Thrun + Devin Cooley interviews in scf post-game shows and stalking all of our beat reporters. i have all of them with notifications ON and they keep doing really funny stuff like suggesting Draisaitl coming to the sharks. also . wekky and keebs are hanging out with Alex Holtz this summer and it is THEE best thing ever. matching slides for you in these trying times? feeling very deprived of sharks hockey but sustaining myself by having little breakdowns about it with friends :3

Couture is the biggest question of the off-season to me. The plan rn is that he will be ready to play by opening night, if all goes well during his rehab. He's our captain, the team looked visibly improved when he was on the ice for the gorgeous 6 game stretch that he played with us last season (Coochie era you will always be famous), and honestly I think his contribution to morale is more valuable than anything else he brings to the ice. There's no chance he gets moved right now given his contract and health, but there's a chance he never plays another NHL game... his health and readiness to play determines who the Sharks target for acquisitions and what our team looks like down the middle (where our two biggest prospects, who are both centers, will end up). so much hinges on whether or not Cooch is healthy!! but at this point I'm just rooting for his long-term health no matter what happens with the team !!

To preface any contract talk; the vibe about Mike Grier is he’s wary of giving out long term stuff in light of his predecessor leaving behind the husk of Marc-Edouard Vlasic (said with deep affection) and several other nearly immovable contracts. pundits don't really see him giving anyone term unless they’re Confirmed Core Players and i agree! other than that... i don't have serious takes or predictions about term/dollar amounts. HOPES and DREAMS and PSYCHEDELIC VISIONS, on the other hand...

We're gonna lose some of our guys to free agency because they're. um. untradeable and not very good </3 (Hoffman, Labanc, Barabanov <- this one is a special case, Barbie's deal fell through because the Hertl trade happened and we're using our last retention slot on him) and whilst I do love the ongoing Bit of uncle Mike and sweet cousin Kevin, this frees us up to go looking for some guys who can mentor our young core!! (I hope Labanc gets a second chance somewhere and shows everyone that the sharks monumentally fumbled the bag on yet another ex wife !!)

The doors are open for free agency acquisitions... Everyone's throwing around big names but I think they're forgetting the fact that we actually gotta convince them to come to San Jose LMAO. cost of living + basement team unlikely to be serious about a cup run for at least another 4-5 years = not the most appealing place to go. We have seen speculation about FAs ranging from Stamkos to Marner lmaoooooo and i'll be honest I don't want to add to all that. I just hope whatever old man we staple to our youth he's fun and NOT a criminal !

For our other UFAs:

I'd like to see us re-sign Justin Bailey because he worked really hard for us down the stretch. we poached him from the cuda early on because all of our forwards were exploding and never gave him back even when everyone started getting healthy again! Maybe he can go help our cuda not flop <333

Jacob MacDonald holds a very special place in my heart because we like making multi-class jokes (he was forced to play forward for a big chunk of his time w the sharks even though hes a d-man LMAO) . I find his work ethic charming <3 he's done everything they've asked of him, and he's honestly done it Not Terribly. I would LIKE for the sharks to offer him a place here due to sentiment and i sort of think he's a sleeper depth pick…. but it seems less and less likely given that we’re going to market for d-men and we’ll have more forwards healthy next season.

Ryan Carpenter is another cuda acquisition we never gave back and is our beautiful returned shark son <33 he was a steady 4th line center throughout the Horrors. however, we were trying out one of our younger guys in that position (hello jack studnicka!!) towards the end of the season and im really wondering if we'll see him up with the sharks again. He's a great AHL player and I see him helping the cuda become competitive if we bring him back!

Devin Cooley my beloved. our junior shark. our silly rabbit. some context: the sharks org is doing something very strange and deeply funny with their goalie situation. we have like 6 of them and i genuinely have no clue where this is going. Optimistically, Cooley gets a something thrown at him because he's shown the ability to grow under the limited tutelage of our Very Good Goalie Coach Thomas Speer + he's a great feel-good story !! less optimistically... he gets traded on the draft floor because we can't have shit in san jose (KNOCKING ON TEN MILLIOB WOOD)

Our RFA sitch is a mixed bag:

Luke Kunin absolutely comes back. barring offer-we-can't-refuse type deals... they love him here. Is he GOOD? well no <3 analytics-wise, he is our worst performing forward and actively makes his lineys worse. but (and i imagine this is whats going on in sharks front office discussions) must a goonwag do silly things like "play hockey"?? can't he just get all snarly when our guys are pushed around? can't he play leg weight to our beloved prized prospects? teach them how to drive a line despite being hamstrung by the sloppiest turnovers ever? cant he just be sophia's less accomplished trophy husband...........???? also in his defence, he should never have been our 2nd line center. but everyone else exploded so !!! anyway I think he would flourish with fewer minutes and easier match ups on the 3rd/4th line. i want to see him hanging out in a depth position next season and goonwagging it up <3

I watched Thomas Bordeleau really work to solidify his place in the lineup towards the end of the season. I love his absolute determination to finish every game fighting. I am SO proud to call him a shark and he's become one of my favourite little guys <3 I knowww everyone knows him from the Narratives but EYE got to know him through his hockey and I am WRETCHEDLY endeared by it. He will stare down a 0-4 scoreline and keep playing hard no matter what, he has sprinted down the ice with seconds on the clock to make a play and ough ough oughhhhhghgh he is SO special to me okay !!!! okay. And I truly think that gmmg has to see that. They're trying to build culture here... something about being hard to play against, having will and size and skill.... Bordy doesn’t fit the Big Boys vision that Grier is open about chasing, but he does bring the attitude and work ethic… I want him to stay forever <3 next year is his breakout year MARK MY WORDS!!!!!

Henry Thrun was a bit up and down but honestly who on this accursed roster wasn't?? Some nights he was unironically our most effective d-man (as much as one can be on the 23-24 sharks) other nights he was competing in a flop contest with Pickles <3 i would like to see him get more pp minutes next season and work on being consistent, which I absolutely believe he can achieve. our beautiful draft dodger + harvard double major <3

Ty Emberson is a complete mystery to me. I've seen him play like 3 games. he's been very injured this season. I liked what I saw when he was on? Making his slides was SO hard ill be honest, there's so little out there about him. but i have a soft spot a mile wide for reliable stay at home d-men, i hope he gets a fair shot. also hes mackblack's bestie and nobody knows that and i need everybody to know that he has a special bond with his goalie like his defensemen forefathers . thats our defensive defenseman and his goalie okay . okau.

Calen Addison is . listen okay I love our little guy. let him say fuck!!! but he hasn't done well this year and this was sort of supposed to be his fresh start. what I want is that he stays on the sharks and turns things around and goes on to blast all his haters. I'm not very sure any of that will happen.

I can't be objective about Filip Zadina. I will not lie. I want him to succeed very badly but also I love our failwife dearly regardless... high draft pick who was touted as a goal scorer... can't let go of that identity... every coach hes ever had psychoanalyses him and is a leeetle obsessed with nursing him back to health like a sickly baby bird <3. gmmg give him 8x8 ! his place on this roster is very uncertain given that this was his 'prove it' year and it didn't go super well. i dread losing him. every day that ticks by where we don't hear about him re-signing leaves me less and less hope

Jack Studnicka compels me so much. We call him Dave . dont ask. He's in the process of shaking off his previous identity as a playmaking center and his anxieties/insecurities about uhhh having to fill the gaping hole in the Bruins' forward core left behind by a bunch of their veterans leaving. He's learning how to drive a checking/energy line and I feel a tenderness for him I can't describe... he's almost almost made it to the show and he will do whatever it takes to stay.

regarding certain trade rumours

There is once again trade buzz around Mario Ferraro.

...i think the rest of the league is under the impression he’s a top 4 calibre d-man. this is very funny and also i’m terrified that gmmg will trade him because of this. You truly don’t get a feel for how little any given team’s media pays attention to other teams - how little the national media pays attention to the western conference good GOD — until you follow the cali polycule.

if any disappointed Leafs fans are reading this after it was suggested they aren't looking to acquire him anymore . my brother in christ. Mario only eats those minutes because he’s got seniority here by default !!!! we simply do not have anyone else because they’re injured or they suck!!! i would go to war for our youtuber ,hes the greatest gamer and d-man in the entire league in my heart BUT i do have eyes and as the kids would say . he has improper crosshair placement and can't mulligan to play on curve </3

And for nuance…. perhaps there IS something to the fact that Mario was like .the only one who survived the 2019-2023 San Jose Rookie Woodchipper/Meatgrinder/Hydraulic press. idk. i wasn't there. He’s had a career high year this year (not that 21 points is that high asdljkasklj but. again. 23-24 sharks) so maybe he’s just waiting for the right conditions to break out, a team where he isn’t solely responsible for gluing the shambles together, and all the chatter about him being a prime trade target is true and this summer will be when his trade value is at its highest. it still doesn’t change his value to this team as a locker room personality and leader. He’s made zero statements about wanting to leave. the current regime does do Personality Hires and Intangibles (see Luke Kunin and i suppose now the Goodrow acquisition??), we can’t have our upcoming d-core thrown into the deep end without some mentorship and it certainly isn’t gonna come from Pickles — not that he can’t, i just believe in Marc-Edouard Vlasic’s right to be a bitch in peace! no one is untouchable but im 90% sure Ferraro stays.

THE DRAFT AND OUR PROSPECT SITUATION

The Sharks currently hold picks 1, 14, and 33. 1OA is spoken for <3 so 14 and 33 are the ones we care about here. (we have a bunch of later picks to play with as well — 42, 85, 116, 138, 143, and 194 if anyone was curious <3) And okay okay so,, Mike Grier was hired 2 days before the draft in 2022, which means 2023 was his first real draft year and this year will be his second. realistically, we simply do not have a lot of data for his drafting tendencies, nor will we know his 'hit' rate until years from now. our current pool, while thin, is looking... good? tentatively? the class of 2023 did very well. more on them later. so accounting for lack of data... i truly have NO idea whats going on except maybe we're leaning towards deepening our defensive prospect pool + throw in a goalie, and a slight preference for physicality and size but like thats every headass GM on the planet right now??? (as i type this out, ozzy weisblatt has been traded away for a someone over 6ft tall!! the mike grier big boy plan strikes again….)

so. i won't speak to who i think the sharks will draft but you will get to hear a very rough essay fragment i don’t think i’ll ever finish:

something i’ve been thinking about lately between reading all of these prospect draft profiles (and to an extent, making prospect slides for the sharks) is how few guys make it to the big show. these 17-18 year olds have dense paragraphs written about their puck handling and skating and hockey IQ — i enjoy the stylish ones that say stuff like “he’s the most creative forward in this year’s draft, he’ll dangle your best over a cliff” the most — but how many of them will pan out in the end? here, i could pull up the numbers. i don’t need to. we all know there are only so many nhl contracts to hand out, and only so many stalls in a locker room.

i’ve grown attached to a few names though their draft profiles. there are little threads of narrative you can catch from reading their game reports in chronological order. some of them visibly gain confidence month to month as they solidify their identity within the system and team they play on, some of them master board battles, some of them find their scoring touch. i am charmed by the interview fragments i’ve seen, their stupid answers to "what animal would you be?", the silly facts livetweeted by scouts at the combine. many of them come highly touted — the 2nd-12th project as almost certain NHLers. i’ve seen them shine in their juniors and ncaa matches. I feel like they must be destined for greatness.

Yet, i go back into the histories — a year ago, two years ago, five years ago, thirty years and beyond — and the histories tell me that no matter what was being said the day they got drafted, anything could happen. 7th overall buried in the press box. 123rd overall breaks a scoring record in his d+1 year. 29th overall carves out a regular spot on the first line and goes on to score 40 goals. 1st overall never scores more than 62 goals in the NHL. it's probably not smart of me to become invested in so many when, statistically, a whole lot of them will fail to live up to their projections. in the back of my heart, right behind all the inadvisable sentiment, lives a scream of frustration. it isn't fair that for the majority of these kids, the draft is as close to the nhl as they'll ever get. i hate that not everyone will get to reach for the stars. my heart will be broken when one or more of my favourites inevitably burns out of the league. and the real horror is knowing all this hasn't stopped me from becoming endeared.

my current draft favourites, no thoughts head empty if i could have any of these guys on the sharks:

Berkly Catton absolutely will fall to 14th overall in my HEART!!! this stupid league and its stupid preoccupation with tallgirls. doesn't matter that some of the best players hockey has ever seen were under 6ft tall <3 doesn't matter that high impact nhl players RIGHT NOW are hanging out around the 5'10 mark. Berkly Catton is elite stock by so many metrics except for his size (5'11, ~163lbs) and THAT will ensure he falls in the draft. and the dream is if he falls to 14th we snap him up and he comes to hang out in cali <3 i love his fish-eyed blank stare. he said he'd be a dolphin because they're slippery <3 and here's the short version of what I've read per his draft profile: he played on a bad team, with heavy minutes, being targeted by every opposing team as the only threat, and still doubled his output during his draft year. all of this while he worked hard in his own zone, dedicating himself to the more 'boring' aspects of the game. like he will hustle for a backcheck god BLESS. i love when skilled guys are defensively responsible SO MUCH. what little i've seen myself of his raw skill is incredible. magical hands maintained with speed. i also like how much he scans. i love being freaked out about a highlight, wondering how he knew where his teammates were, scrubbing the video back and seeing him scan the ice regularly. its beautiful. just like playing league of legends jungle . ahaha <3

if not Catton, then Andrew Basha at 14th, and if not then 33rd. Despite how high some draft boards have him, the reviews are mixed as hell due to the Spectre of Gavin McKenna and Cayden Lindstrom that hangs over him. It did not stop him from having an incredibly strong season in the WHL. fast, skilled, works hard. puck mover. in learning about hockey, I have come to love transition forwards SO much. Troy Terry was my favourite Duck to watch when he wasn't exploding <3 Controlled zone entries are soooo gifable to me. i got no clue if Basha will be available at 33 - a few are predicting he falls to the second round - or if the sharks would want him even then, but I would love to see him on the Sharks! if his speed and skill on breakouts can translate to the NHL it would be bitchin!!!!!! also, I have this idea in my head that he's already used to playing with elite talent and so wont be swallowed up by the huge shadows celebrini and smith will cast. maybe he can manage egos, maybe he's just really good at working around prodigies, maybe he's a prodigy himself, who knows!! I am compelled though!!

for d-men... Zayne Parekh. There are serious concerns scouts have with this guy's game. he is described by some as thee boom-or-bust prospect of this year's draft. dynamic as hell offensive defenseman, does things no other prospect in this draft would even think to do and . um. sometimes that thing is turning over the puck <3!!! or, as a random red wings podcast i was listening to this afternoon said: With Parekh, you might get Erik Karlsson, or you might get Erik Karlsson. and listen if you made it this far down you gotta understand that im a deeply unserious person about these things and this DID convince me that we GOTTA get him somehow. tbqh i wanted the Ducks to draft him because he was tragically separated from his bestie Pavel Mintyukov and i think a reunion would bring about an unprecedented era of world peace. but also. if they were on RIVAL TEAMS in the BATTLE FOR CALIFORNIA!!!!!!! oh that would be delicious <3 There's absolutely no way Parekh falls to 14th but this list isn't about realism its about my silly little dreams <3

Cole Hutson at 33 or 42 purely because i'm a fan of Lane Hutson (so so so jazzed to watch him play next season on either laval or montreal!!!!!) and they are similarly shifty and small. there is NO way mike 'you must be this tall to ride' grier drafts another 5'10 puck mover (<- more on this guy in a min). a fella can dream though <3

prospects who are my special little guys

Luca Cagnoni

ok quick recap. mike grier drafted Luca Cagnoni at 123rd last year. he is 5'10 (generously <3) and he's so special to meeeee <3 He's always been an offensive ROCKET!! so smart. WILL break ankles. great puck mover. great distributor on the pp. he's been working on his defence this year.

NO ONE THINKS HE'LL MAKE IT IN THE NHL BECAUSE HE'S LITTLE BUT EYE DO!!!!!!! If you go and check the Luca Cagnoni tag its literally just me and 1 other person. that 1 other person is now my friend. sometimes, my other sharks compatriots join in. but such is the nature of adopting a special little guy !!!

I get all misty-eyed thinking about how far he's come, from being undrafted in the WHL, falling to the 4th round in the NHL entry draft, and going on to have the strongest season a d-man in the WHL has had in 30 years. and yes he WAS the 123rd overall pick i was referring to earlier. He signed his ELC and it was the event of the offseason (to ME). it was more meaningful to me than the will smith signing i will be so real right now . I am hoping and praying that Luca gets a chance on the Sharks and flourishes.

sorry. sorry. i will NOT shut up about Luca Cagnoni. mike grier took a huge swing at the fences for him, he is so out of the gmmg wheelhouse its hysterical and i am genuinely shocked we drafted him. i wasn't there for it obviously but what was the draft floor like that day?? were people asking him Are You Sure, Sir. I'd have asked. i'd have knocked on his bald ass head to check if it was hollow (i, a bald person, can say this <3)

despite this. Luca Cagnoni WILL make it. ON GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kasper Halttunen

ok you saw me mem cup posting. this one isn't as deep!

i think he's got that dawg in him. him and his nepobaby london knights team were fun to watch!!!

i liked that he was squeezing denver barkey like a chew toy (gifed it, even!!!)

i am genuinely obsessed with the comments he leaves on other prospects' instagram posts. i've only looked around at a couple but yeah he's sure got a sense of humour <3

i would LOVE to see him develop out his 2-way game a little more and refine his beautiful bomb of a shot even further. i am excited to see how he progresses!!

bring him to the AHL as soon as possible gmmg i need to watch him squeeze the life out of his fellow sharks prospects

Macklin Celebrini

Alright this one seems so obvious because he's 1OA and automatically special BUT you guyyyyys. you guyyyyysss.... he's soooo good. I watched a couple of his college matches. I went back and watched some of his worlds matches. i have devoured so much literature on him. remember when I said i love when skilled players are defensively responsible?? Macklin Celebrini is that guy !! he is just so Shaped. the shape is Round. he is well-rounded like the beautiful sphere . the sphere where we will be drafting him. <3 yay !!!

no joke he IS a bit of a goon. finished his checks with a surprising amount of brutality in all the games i watched !! and like he had to be, I imagine he was getting targeted to hell and back in the NCAA. being 17 and playing against grown men. i like that he's got a bit of bite!!

listen, when the scouts and journos and pundits and coaches say he's "got a motor", what they mean is HE IS RELENTLESS. HE WILL NOT GIVE UP ON A PLAY. HE WILL RUN YOU DOWN AND THEN TURN AROUND AND SCORE ON YOU. HIS TEAM FOLLOWS HIS LEAD.

I just... I get the feeling he raises the people around him up to his standards because they can't help but want to match his intensity. I get the feeling that he is, aside from a great player, a great fit for the kind of culture the Sharks are trying to build. the Never Say Die Team. the We Will Eat You Team. i am completely, utterly endeared by his work ethic.

I think his little :^| face is so funny. i have posted about this before but when he smiles it looks like he has a few too many teeth and its GREAT. our shark. OUR SHARK!!!!!!

Honourable mentions:

Danil Gushchin: undersized creative forward with soft hands heloooo i love uou. mwah. unseat one of our girlfailure depth players next season i want to see u in the nhl <33

Shakir Mukhamadullin: Shak my noodleshark . he will absolutely see NHL ice full time next season if we remain bare on defence, so im not sure he counts anymore as a prospect. i believe in him so bad!!!!!!!!!!!

Georgi Romanov: unironically I think hes our only realistic hope for a Goalie of the Future. please survive the sharkuda experience my love <3

Will Smith: ROBBED of the hobey baker by our very own macklin celebrini. doesn't matter because he scored a dicktrick at hockey east finals and that shit was funny as hell. i think of him in terms of his boybestfriends BC Line which is forever shattered by his decision to sign with the sharks which means hes the driver of tragedy which makes him ELITE in my eyes.

honourable mentions 2 (obscure non-sharks edition):

Isaiah George: i fear i will actually have to watch the NY Islanders soon enough when they play him . i was watching the London Knights for Kasper and, as I do sometimes, I was struck by lightning after seeing him do something really interesting. I think I can probably go find the exact tags from when he first caught my eye. anyway! i am invested in him now and there is 0 current coverage on him !! ough my smooth skating defensive defenseman <333

Aatu Jamsen: a high skill/flashy forward the la kings signed to his ELC not too long ago <3 excited to see him play for the Ontario Reign. his lore is incredible. not to shill my own blog but i did a small post about him here and i am BEGGING everyone to go find out about him he moonlights as a RAP MUSICIAN!!!!. lak do not to bury him in the AHL forever im on my KNEES

Xavier Simoneau: les habs and their prospects got me. little guy (5'6) who is a bit fight-y. can and WILL go to battle against huge opponents for a puck and WIN. i look at him and slap my knee and i think. god damn he might actually do it. he might actually make the NHL.

Okay I think I will stop here before i start goin off about all the little guys i have tucked away...!! thank you for your time. thank you for handing me a mic and an excuse to yell about my little fellas. wehaveagathering dot tumblr you are thee flyers source to me. our failteams will soon share a shade of oranmge. I am very excited to fall in love with them!! <3