#it’s crucial that’s he’s overjoyed at the end of the series actually

[ohfallingdisco]

It’s the middle of the night and here I am with a stomachache from thinking too hard about Mike Wheeler again-

[megalony]

Teacher’s pet- Part 8

I know it’s been a while since I updated this dad! Ben Hardy series but I finally had the inspiration, I hope you will all enjoy this part, feedback is always lovely.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogermeddow @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @rogahs-drowse @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog​ @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Series taglist: @im-an-adult-ish @gwilymleeisbae

Series masterlist

Summary: Gwilym sets Ben up on a date with (Y/n) who teaches at the school Ben’s kids go to. But Ben is hesitant in the relationship, desperate not to make the same mistakes and needing to put his kids first.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"As if you've never made homemade pizza before." (Y/n) looked across the island in the kitchen to lock eyes with Ben whose head tilted up to look at her, his brows raised like he was challenging her or daring her to carry on with that sentence.

"Hey, we've made it before and when Carter was little it was the only thing he would eat but we don't make it anymore."

"Well why not?" There was a seriousness to (Y/n)'s voice even though Ben and the boys knew she was only trying to rile Ben up and mess around. But homemade pizza was something (Y/n) always used to have as a child and whenever she had her nice and nephew over, this was the go-to meal because it was something they liked and it was something fun to do to actually make it from scratch.

It had been (Y/n)'s idea to make this for tea because she thought it would be fun and it seemed like a good way to get the boys to do something together and to do something with her. James was very attached to (Y/n) already, he had clung to her hip all day, Carter seemed fine with talking and joking with (Y/n) even if he was a bit uneasy at times. And Finn was slowly getting used to being around (Y/n) and seemed much less anxious around her which (Y/n) was overjoyed at.

Today was the first night (Y/n) was going to spend over at Ben's house with all the boys here too. It was a big day for them both as a couple because if tonight didn't work it made their future a bit tricky. (Y/n) had to see what Ben put up with on a daily basis, she had to see how God awful Carter's sleeping pattern was for starters. The eldest boy either got a few hours of sleep in the early morning or he got no sleep at all and it didn't hardly affect him or his hyperactivity.

(Y/n) would have to put up with Carter either being hyper and bounding about early in the morning, she might hear him trying to sneak out of his room or hear Ben telling him to go back to bed or hear Carter throwing a tantrum because he was tired but couldn't sleep.

She would also have to see how well Finn settled, and this was crucial. Even though Carter might not settle or might be hyper or play up intentionally because (Y/n) was staying over, he would eventually calm down after she had stayed over a few times. But it was Finn who they had to worry about because his sleep pattern was always disrupted. It took Ben a while to get the three year old to actually go to sleep because he seemed to panic a lot at night but Finn usually had nightmares. He would wake up crying a lot of the time and if he was really distressed or panicked he would scream or panic to the point he couldn't breathe.

If Finn got too unsettled with (Y/n) staying over or didn't dare join her and Ben in bed then it meant she couldn't stay over when the boys were home.

"We don't have time to do this, normally." Ben's response was sombre but (Y/n) looked over at James standing next to her when the middle boy sniggered.

"Carter couldn't make the dough and threw it at daddy and then daddy burnt his hand getting it out the oven."

"Stop giving away my secrets." Ben chided, narrowing his eyes as he pretended to be angry even if James was right. The last time they made pizza was admittedly when Finn wasn't even one yet and it hadn't been fun. Carter couldn't make the dough properly and it agitated him so much he threw it at Ben and then the pizza got burnt and Ben burned his hand on the tray getting it out. He hadn't bothered trying to make it again because it took a lot of time and it was more hassle than it was worth when Ben was on his own with the boys.

But right now they wanted an activity that all the boys could do together. They had all gone out for the day to the arcades and out bowling and since Carter refused to bake, cooking was the next option. Finn joined in where he could, James loved trying to cook and Carter would try as long as he thought or knew it was something he could do and he had been persuaded that this time it would work better.

When Ben was on his own with the boys he had to keep them apart so they didn't rile one another up. Carter would either fight with James or worry and scare Finn who didn't normally want to play any games and James could annoy Carter if he wanted. But with (Y/n) here it was a lot easier to keep the peace between them and keep them all entertained.

"That explains a lot. So, what are you having on yours?" (Y/n) looked at James who was scanning the toppings curiously before he grabbed a handful of chopped ham, a bit of bacon and then some sweetcorn before he rolled it up neatly. "Don't you like cheese?" There was apprehension in (Y/n)'s voice as she watched him make his pizza. He had the dough, then tomato sauce then his toppings but no cheese.

"He's lactose intolerant, the last time he had cheese on a pizza he spewed it everywhere." Ben tried not to laugh at the memory and because James frowned and gave him a certain, annoyed look but he couldn't help it.

"Lovely. What about you honey, what do you want on yours?" (Y/n) leaned her head to the side and smiled gently at Finn who was sitting on the edge of the counter, helping Ben sprinkle cheese onto their shared pizza but he was mainly tossing the cheese in great lumps rather than spreading it round.

"Pepper." Finn's voice was quiet and shy but he maintained eye contact with (Y/n) as he spoke which was a very good start.

"We have peppers and ham, don't we bud?" Ben threw on some ham and let Finn chuck on a handful of red and green peppers before he rolled it up.

(Y/n) went for plain and simple pepperoni and Carter went for a meat-feast option with a lot of pepperoni. When they were all made, they were placed in the oven and the five of them were left with a kitchen covered in sauce, flour and bits of chopped up meat and veg sprinkled everywhere. But the mess didn't compare to the fact that all the boys had actually managed to do an activity together and none of them tried to wind each other up or mess around.

"Can we watch a movie with tea?"

"Sure, go pick one out." Ben nodded with a smile at James who hurried out of the room as soon as he'd washed the flour from his hands. The living room had a rather large collection of movies, most of which were either Disney movies or some kind of animation movie.

Turning to the left, Ben dipped his hand in the tomato sauce beside him before flicking his fingers over at (Y/n) and he didn't miss the brief smile on Finn's lips when (Y/n) gasped and blinked in shock.

"You cheeky sod." (Y/n) reached for the tea towel and swiped away the sauce before hitting the towel against Ben when he passed her. "Do you want to get down honey?" (Y/n) smiled gently at Finn but her nerves were already starting to jump around in her stomach. She didn't want to just reach over and pick him up in case she scared or worried him and she didn't even know if he would want her to help him down even if he did want to get down and wander off.

Finn feebly nodded his head and moved his arms out towards (Y/n) but his arms were very stiff and held rather close to his chest to the point he looked like he had frozen up and become a statue. His eyes were full of caution when (Y/n) slipped her hands under his arms and gently lifted him up before setting him down to his feet. He looked like he was about to say thank you but thought better of it or couldn't find his voice so he settled for maintaining eye contact for a little while longer before he disappeared into the lounge along with Carter.

"What are you doing?"

(Y/n) watched Ben with intrigue when he walked over to the end cupboard above the counter next to the door and reached up for something on top of the cupboard. Due to his height Ben didn't have to go on tiptoes or even climb on the counter like (Y/n) would have done to reach up there but it seemed like an odd place to put something rather than just stuff it in the cupboard itself.

"I'm gonna go have a smoke." Ben turned around to face (Y/n) and waved the new unopened pack of cigarettes and a new bright red lighter in front of her.

"You hide them up there?"

"I've found Carter messing with my lighter before and he's hid my smokes when he was mad at me. I'd rather not take the chance of him setting the place alight." There was a hint of a smile on Ben's face but the memory seemed to come to mind and dampen his smile. He hated that he had to hide a lot of things from Carter but it was a necessity with him.

Sometimes Carter took Ben's keys when he didn't want Ben to go to work or when he wanted to stay with him. Other times he had taken Ben's cigarette's from his coat pocket and wouldn't say where he hid them. When Ben found him playing with his lighter he bollocked him for it and since then he hid them where he knew none of the boys could reach or could find them. It was too much of a risk to have them lying about. When Carter got mad he would get vengeful as well as physical and he would play up and hide things or smash things or just be spiteful. He didn't always mean it but it meant Ben had to take precautions.

(Y/n) nodded, attempting to tidy up the kitchen but her eyes followed Ben when he stopped walking abruptly to fish around in his pocket for his phone when it started to ring.

"Fuck, it's Jamie." Ben whispered the words to himself but the confusion and anger on his face was enough to make (Y/n) concerned and wonder who Jamie was. "It's Carter's mum... I haven't spoken to her in six months." The apprehension in Ben's voice showed he didn't want to answer the phone but knew he had to. She could be ill or in an accident or something could have happened for her to ring out of the blue like this.

Ben always tried to get her to be involved with Carter after she left, he tried to get her to come and see him just for an hour or so or just to ring him and see how he was doing. But he gave up in the end. Whenever she used to ring on odd occasions it upset Carter because she didn't talk on the phone for long and then that was it. He didn't see her or speak to her for possibly months at a time. It was easier for her not to talk to Carter at all than to unsettle him and rile him up by calling out of the blue and then disappearing again.

Quickly putting the cigarettes and the lighter back in their place above the cupboard, Ben answered the phone and whilst walking over into the back room to be out of the way and earshot of the boys and (Y/n).

"No. I don't hear from you in six months and then you ring out of the blue and now you want to talk to him? I'll gladly talk to you about him and how he's been doing but you can't speak to him that's not gonna be fair."

Ben dragged his free hand through his hair as he took to pacing up and down the back room. He always knew when Jamie rang she would either be ringing out of spontaneity and just wanted an update on the son she left behind or she was in a very funny mood. She got in moods where she felt bad and felt sorry for not calling sooner or coming round and she wanted to know about Carter and talk to him. Ben knew a few times she had been in that mood was because her parents kept telling her she had to talk to Ben and have updates about Carter.

Her parents weren't happy Jamie wanted nothing to do with Carter but they couldn't change her mind. They only made her feel bad and she ended up ringing when she was in an upset or drunk mood.

There was no way Ben was letting her speak to Carter. After he'd stayed with Ben's dad two weeks ago he had been on his best behaviour and he was doing well at school and he wasn't acting out yet. Ben couldn't jeopardise that and let him speak to Jamie because it would send him up the walls when she wouldn't come and see him or ring him the next day. It would set back his progress and agitate him and that wasn't fair on Carter. It was so much easier to have Jamie out of their lives right now.

"Ben please, just let me say hello to him, I... I've not been a mother to him and I do miss him and think about him a lot."

"The only way you're getting to speak to him is if you commit to him. I'm not hurting him because you're drunk or someone told you to stop and rethink your life. Someone always reminds you that you left him and you feel sorry for a few days and then that's it, I hear nothing from you. I'd rather he forgets you than gets his hopes up for you to disappear again."

Ben knew Carter didn't understand the situation and that was partly because he was too young and partly because of his problems. He didn't consider why Jamie didn't want to see him or speak to him, he just focused on the fact that she wasn't around. But whenever she rang he wanted to speak to her and didn't get mad until after the phone hung up and she didn't call back. It was as if the moment he spoke to her he forgot that she had left him behind.

Ben prayed to God that in the years to come Carter would realise that Jamie didn't want to be in his life because if he didn't he would forever be hoping she would come and see him or ring him and it was going to get worse for him. He couldn't be waiting around for her to ring and be in his life when Ben knew deep down she wasn't going to. Jamie wasn't the most reliable person and she had problems herself. If Carter didn't have his disorders or his anger or his issues then maybe she would have been a good or even a perfect mother to him.

But the fact was that she couldn't handle him and she didn't want to.

"Dad, Finn picked Coraline again but we've already watched that like-"

"Buddy I'm on the phone, go back through there please, I won't be long." Ben pressed the phone to his shoulder and pointed at the door, gently ushering Carter to leave the room so he could continue his argument.

"Who is it- is it nana? Can I speak to her please?" Carter immediately tried to reach his arms up to take the phone from Ben who held it up higher so he couldn't reach whilst shaking his head. All the boys were in the habit of taking the phone off Ben if they knew who it was such as if it was Gwilym or Ben's mum so they could speak to them.

"Buddy go sit down it's not your nana. Carter I mean it."

Ben tried to give Carter a nudge in the direction of the door but Jamie spoke up at just the wrong moment and Carter caught wind of her voice. It took him a few moments to register whose voice it was after not hearing her talk for many months now but the pieces seemed to click in his mind like a light bulb turning on above his head. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped before he suddenly jumped at Ben, trying to grab his arm and pull it down so he could reach the phone in his hand.

"It's mum! It's mum let me talk to her! Dad please... daddy give me the phone!" There was a lot of urgency in Carter's voice that rose higher and higher in pitch but his breath got stuck in his throat when Ben suddenly pulled back and walked out of the room to try and stop Carter from talking to Jamie.

Ben barely made it back into the kitchen before Carter jumped him from behind, doing his best to grab the phone that Ben wasn't handing over to him in a hurry. (Y/n) watched the scene in shock as Ben managed to get Carter off him, only to have the eldest ram his hand into Ben's stomach, shocking him enough to make him lean over which gave Carter the perfect opportunity to snatch the phone.

Carter clutched the phone in both hands and held it forcefully to his ear as if Jamie's voice was so faint he couldn't hear her at all. He started talking rapidly- something he did when he was over-excited, and quickly hurried over near (Y/n) to get away from Ben so he could continue talking on the phone.

"Carter give me the phone." When Ben advanced over to him Carter simply backed away and shook his head. "I mean it Carter, give me the fucking phone!"

"Ben he's not going to give you it now... just wait until he's finished or you'll make him worse." (Y/n) reached over and grabbed Ben's upper arm to pull him back. If he took the phone now Carter would have a meltdown because he couldn't finish his conversation with Jamie, even if he got distressed when the call eventually ended, it wouldn't be as bad as if Ben took the phone from him now.

"Put the phone on speaker and stay where I can see and hear you." Ben held the kitchen counter so tightly his knuckles turned white and he could feel the sharp edge cutting into his palm but he didn't care. If Carter was talking to Jamie he wanted to hear what was being said and he needed Carter in his line of sight.

Carter happily obliged since he was now getting what he wanted and he sat down at the counter, holding the phone tightly in his hands in front of him just in case Ben tried to snatch it back from him.

(Y/n) didn't know whether she should walk away and go see Finn and James or whether to stay because it felt like she was intruding but Ben kept glancing over at her like he wanted reassurance so she decided to stay. Both Ben and Carter's tempers flared around each other, they loved one another so much but they set one another off and riled each other up very badly. It was one of the reasons they argued as much as they did because if Carter shouted Ben would shout back to get him to listen and (Y/n) didn't fancy walking away in case they had another argument or even a fight.

Something pulled at (Y/n)'s heartstrings as she watched Carter talking to his mum. It was very clear he was a child deprived of having a mother and the way he held the phone and leaned down to speak into it showed he was desperate to talk to her and have her around. But hearing the way Jamie was unsure of what to say yet very desperate to talk showed (Y/n) she seemed unstable.

She sounded just as Ben described her, jumpy, up and down with her emotions and certainly incapable of looking after or even being around Carter. But that was no reason for her not to be in his life, if she just rang him even once a week at a scheduled time and stuck to that time then it could settle Carter down immensely even if he didn't see her.

"Are you coming to see me?"

(Y/n) and Ben locked eyes for a split second before Ben reached across the counter and snatched the phone back whilst Carter's guard was down.

"Daddy!" His shrill scream tore through (Y/n), she had heard many kids having tantrums but they were never nice to hear, especially when they screamed like that. Carter tried to lean across the counter to get the phone back but he couldn't reach and he was too late anyway.

"That's enough now." Ben didn't bother to say anything to Jamie before he hung up and shoved the phone back into his pocket. He couldn't get Carter's hopes up because it would be cruel and unfair when he was sure Jamie wouldn't be calling again very soon and even if she did she wouldn't be very likely to want to talk to Carter again.

"I want to talk to mum! Why won't you let me speak to her or see her? I want to see her I want my mum why are you being mean-"

"The last time you spoke to her was six months ago and you haven't seen her in years so don't you dare start telling me I'm the mean one when she doesn't bother to call either of us. If she wanted to see you she would come here but she hasn't, has she? It's not my choice whether she calls or sees you but I don't want you getting your hopes up for nothing."

"That's not fair!"

(Y/n) felt like reaching out and wrapping her arms around Carter when he started to cry but she knew it wasn't a good idea. But her arms itched out like she wanted to do something or intervene when Carter started violently sobbing. In the few months that (Y/n) had been with Ben, she'd seen the bite marks, the scratches and the bruises Carter gave him without intentionally meaning to hurt him and she'd seen Ben shout and tell him off. But she'd never seen Carter actually hurt Ben until now.

The ten year old screamed again before he reached out and scratched his nails down Ben's exposed arm like he was a bird with talons that he wanted to drag across its prey. Ben reacted in split second timing and grabbed Carter's wrists in his hands just after Carter landed a rather lightweight punch to Ben's stomach before his wrists were constrained and held above his head. Carter bent his knees and tried to pull away and he wriggled continuously until Ben wrapped his other arm around his boy's waist and pulled him closer.

The moment Carter stopped wriggling Ben let his wrists go and leaned down, wrapping his arms properly around Carter so he could pick him up. Despite him now being ten and rather heavy Ben picked him up and held him effortlessly and he clung to Ben like a monkey. He caged his arms around Ben's neck and his legs around his torso. It was moments like this when Carter had meltdowns that he wanted to be a child again, he wanted to be a little boy so Ben could hug and hold him like this because soon enough he wouldn't be able to be carried around or held like this because he would be too old and too big.

"It's not fair buddy, but it's not my fault." Ben whispered in his ear before he kissed his temple, trying to calm him down because dinner would be ready soon and if he was riled up or upset then he wouldn't eat.

Ben was about to shake his head at (Y/n) when she walked over to them because when Carter was upset Ben didn't like anyone around him as he became volatile. But to his utter surprise, (Y/n) instinctively started to card her fingers rhythmically through Carter's hair and the eldest boy didn't push her away or scream or violently react. He almost whimpered at the touch but said nothing at all, he kept his head buried in Ben's neck but Ben could feel the anger disappearing from him as (Y/n) continued to run her fingers through his hair and brush it tentatively out of his eyes.

[archer973]

So, as I mentioned, I finished Shadow and Bone (the show) and oh boy do I have some Thoughts

General impression, I really enjoyed it! Especially seeing as I put the actual book series in the ‘Eh, Good But Not Great’ category. But the show really worked out (or changed) some of the things I didn’t like in the books (Mal, it was Mal), and the inclusion of the Crows was an absolute gem

More detailed thoughts under the cut (beware spoilers)

Characters

Alina - Jessie Mei Li was perfect. She was just the right mix of shy/uncertain and fierce, and I loved every minute of her on screen. I thought making Alina part Shu was an interesting way to play on her I-just-want-to-be-like-everyone-else issues, especially since they changed her childhood up a bit by making her the one that protect Mal from the bullies, and not the other way around. Honestly, the only thing I didn’t like with her storyline was that they didn’t go into the fact that suppressing her power all those years made her really sick/weak.

The Darkling - Gods, Ben Barnes is just so good in this role. His mannerisms, his presence, his voice... Perfect, flawless, and I want the man’s wardrobe (and his horse). I did like how they humanized him, let him be more emotional and earnest with Alina (which yes, is partially my Darklina shipper heart showing). Though I will say, I did kind of miss how angry he was in the books that he actually wanted Alina. Boy fell for his own con and he was pissed about it, which is just something I love in a character. And, not gonna lie, I did kinda enjoy the fact that we didn’t learned his true name until the end of the series. I know they revealed it early to create that sense of intimacy and softness between him and Alina in the show, but I’m a sucker for the ‘only on the brink of death will a reveal my name to you’ (I’m looking at you, Fury Road). But I do absolutely love how they’re doing the Darkling in the show, so!

The Crows - I love these three so much. I only recently finished Six of Crows, and am about to start Crooked Kingdom, but I fell fast and hard for these characters and seeing them in the show was jut wonderful. Kaz and Inej hurt my heart in the absolute best way and Jesper is the disaster bi of my heart. Any time any of these three were on the screen, I was overjoyed, and I cannot wait to see more of them.

Mal - Oh Mal. Obviously, he is the biggest deviation from the book. Which is the absolute saving grace of this show, because I do not think I would be able to sit through watching Alina pine after the petulant, arrogant, insecure asshole that Mal was in the books. All of his scenes with the Darkling were awesome, and I really enjoyed his brief interactions with the Crows.

Nina and Matthias - They were absolutely adorable. Nina in particular was a gem and I very much did enjoy their story.

Genya - I really wish she had had more screentime! She is one of my favorite characters from the books, and I would have loved to have seen her developed more. I also really didn’t feel like we saw how truly ostracized she was by the other Grisha, which definitely took away from the revelation she was on the Darkling’s side. I hope the do more with her moving forwards!

Plot

Dislikes - Definitely could have used more episodes, especially with Nina and Matthias’ story being added in as well as the Crows’. I really, really like Nina and Matthias, but I feel like it was a poor choice to try to tell their story at the same time. They could have fit all of it into a flashback episode (or flashbacks over time like we got in the books), if/when the Crows get their own show. As for the plot details specifically, my biggest dislike was that they made the testing scene from when Alina was a child way too calm. This is literally the root of all of her issues with her power, this is the point where she locked part of her very being away, and it was played like she decided to fail a math test. They had exposition their way out of a crucial scene and I know this show could have done so much better with it. The other thing that annoyed me was that they changed it from being that she showed mercy to the stag, and so could wrest back control of power through the amplifier, to that the stag chose her. Alina’s choice not to kill the stag was a pretty pivotal moment, and I feel like by saying the stag was the one who gave her the power takes the agency away from Alina in one of the few places in the book she actually had agency. 

Likes -  I really enjoyed how they worked the Crows in. Though, it was funny, because they couldn’t actually let them affect the plot that much, so they were three very competent people getting absolutely nothing accomplished, which was just hysterical. And Alina hopping into the back of their carriage... Peak humor, I was cackling the whole time. The general plot was a good mesh of following the book and adapting it for TV. I really enjoyed the fact that all the written things we see are in a Cyrillic language, it definitely helped set the tone. The costuming for this show was just lovely (again, I will take the Darkling’s whole wardrobe in my size please), and the effects were perfect. The Darkling and Alina’s performance at the Winter Fete in particular was fantastically well done. I liked the “prequel” look into the Crows, and can’t wait to see what happens with them moving forwards. Pacing was pretty good for the shortness of the season, and it didn’t ever really feel catastrophically rushed (Game of Thrones, I am giving you a hard side eye). I also really enjoyed the fact that when Baghra tells Alina the truth, Alina doesn’t immediately believe her. That was something that always annoyed me in the books, that it took like .05 seconds for Alina to believe the guy she was totally down to bone three minutes ago was a manipulative liar about to enslave her.

In summation, I really enjoyed the show, and cannot wait for season two!

[formashimataichi]

each chapter is just making me ACHE for when taichi returns!! i think yuki is prolonging it because she knows how vital he is for the success of chihaya, arata, and suou. who do you think will be most affected by the reunion? or what reactions are you expecting for each?

Exactly! The fact that he is so crucial a source of motivation and support for three out of four competitors at the hall is crazy to me, like this is someone who always seems to understate his impact on or necessity to others and yet he’s become such a crucially influential and inspiring person by the end of the narrative. I don’t know if there’s a way to say who will be affected the “most”, because his relationship with each character is a bit different, but I do think it’s safe to say that the person who currently needs him the most is Arata? And as I said in an ask previously, I do think that reunion will be pretty emotional because it seems Arata may finally allow himself to break down and reach out for help. I’m also really excited for his reunion with Chihaya, though! While it’s true it’s a little easier for them to be around each other, there’s still a closure or resolution that both of them need to reach with each other regarding their friendship, and I think Chihaya will be absolutely overjoyed to see him if he makes it to the hall and decides he wants to continue playing karuta. Obviously, she did say she’d wait for him to come back to the game for as long as it takes, and that could potentially take years, but I feel like it won’t for the sake of the narrative and the conclusion to Taichi’s arc. And as for Suou. . . I actually don’t have any idea how that’s going to go down. A relationship between a student and a teacher who both view themselves as somewhat unworthy of the titles is entrenched in a lot of unsaid emotions, isn’t it? Taichi and Suou are the kind of people who know how to exist around each other easily and yet somehow always manage to surprise each other in some way that pulls the rug out from under the other’s feet. They’re constantly challenging and uplifting each other in the most subtle yet impactful, endearing ways, and I’m really nervous to see how Suou reacts to Taichi showing up if he does. I almost wonder if they might exchange the simplest, silliest words with each other that in fact mean much more under the surface. That seems to be the trademark of their relationship with each other, and it’s one of the reasons they’ve come to be my two favorite characters in the series. 

[haberdashing]

What A Tangled Web We Weave (1/?)

TMA AU diverging from canon at the end of episode 92. Jon is forced into an arranged marriage by Elias; Martin does what he can to help.

on AO3

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6

As Jon stayed behind in Elias’ office, the rest of the archives staff slowly headed back to their usual work stations, a gloomy silence filling the air as nobody was entirely willing to discuss what had just happened. Basira, lacking a work station of her own at the moment, simply flopped down on the ground, alternating between flipping through a book she had picked up somewhere between Elias’ office and the archives and engaging Daisy in whispered, furtive conversation.

Martin wondered if he was the only one whose eyes kept drifting towards the door, hoping that Jon was back at the Institute for good, that he’d be joining them in the Archives any minute now. At the very least, he certainly wasn’t the only one who was more than a bit distracted from actually getting any work done; Melanie kept looking at her phone, while Tim was at least focused on his work computer, but appeared to be playing some sort of violent video game on it, one that Martin couldn’t recognize at a glance.

The door did, in fact, open after several minutes, but Martin had to suppress a shiver as he saw that Jon was accompanied by Elias, who looked as smug as ever despite having had a gun pointed at his head only a few short minutes beforehand.

“Apparently I’ll be back here in the Archives for a bit.” Jon said abruptly. No greeting, no explanation, no pretense of being enthused about his return to the Institute. Not that Martin blamed him for that last one, really. It wasn’t exactly an ideal work environment these days, and the events of the past hour or so had made that clearer than ever.

“Oh goodie.” Melanie replied, the sarcasm in her reply as sharp as a knife.

“Glad to have you back?” Martin offered up, uncertainty creeping into his voice as he kept looking between Jon and Elias. If all that was going on was Jon returning to work at the Institute rather than... wherever it was he’d been staying all this time, then Jon could have broken that news himself. Elias’ presence suggested that there was more to this announcement than a simple return to work.

Tim paused his video game, but didn’t actually say anything in response to Jon’s statement, though the glare he directed at both Jon and Elias spoke volumes in and of itself.

“I haven’t told you why I want you back in the building, though, have I?” Elias asked.

It was Elias’ idea. Of course it was Elias’ idea. It made sense, really, given that Elias was Jon’s boss (and boss to the rest of them, Martin supposed, at least by proxy--except Daisy, but then, where exactly she stood after all of this wasn’t entirely clear), but Martin still had to suppress a sigh upon finding that out.

The question had seemed like a rhetorical one, but Jon still responded with a soft “No, you haven’t.”

Tim finally spoke up at that. “Go on, then, boss. Enlighten us.”

(Martin wasn’t sure which had thrown more sarcasm into their voice, Tim or Melanie. Either of them could certainly give the other a run for their money.)

Though the “boss” reference left it open to either Jon or Elias, it was the latter who responded.

“Jon here will be getting married in a month.”

The look of shock on Jon’s face made it clear that this was news to him as much as to the rest of the archives staff.

The room erupted into a series of shouts bleeding into one another until they seemed to form a single cacophonous mess.

“Wait, what?”

“No, that can’t be right-”

“Why isn’t Jon the one telling us this?”

“Jon? Married? Seriously?”

“Who says?”

“And how does this affect the rest of us, exactly?”

Elias cleared his throat, like a schoolteacher commanding a classroom full of unruly pupils, and the room quickly settled back into silence as he spoke up again.

“We’re quickly reaching a crucial junction when it comes to keeping the state of the world as we know it intact, and we’ll need some support in order to maintain both the Institute and Jon’s position within it in the months to come. As a symbol of that support, Jon and somebody connected to one of our allies will marry one another in order to strengthen the link between us.”

A few seconds passed before anyone responded; to Martin’s surprise, it was Basira, eyes now focused on Elias rather than on the still-open book in her lap.

“What does that actually mean?”

Elias sighed, but before he could respond, Jon spoke up, irritation and a strange sort of resignation both evident in his voice.

“If I’m understanding this right, it means Elias is having me married off to somebody I don’t know, who probably has some sort of powers that could kill me, as part of some supernatural alliance deal to stop the end of the world.”

“Yep, that tracks.” Tim added.

“More or less.” Elias responded. “Though there’s no need to worry about your personal safety, Jon. The whole point is that they’ll be here to help.”

“Forgive me if I’m less than overjoyed by the idea of receiving ‘help’ from some mystery person, especially given the track record I’ve got with people claiming they’re trying to help me.” Martin was pretty sure Jon’s glaring at Elias was especially pointed as that sentence wrapped up.

“Overjoyed or not, I’m afraid you’ve got no say in the matter. You will be married in a month’s time. The arrangements have already been made.”

“Hang on, you can’t just do that!”

Even Martin was a little surprised by how loud and passionate his voice became when he spoke up, and a few quick glances around the room revealed that he wasn’t the only surprised one.

“Just because Jon works for you doesn’t mean you can, can decide who he marries, or if he marries, or, or anything to do with his personal life, for that matter! Jon’s still his own person, not just some pawn of yours!”

“Interesting phrasing there; Jon and I actually just finished a conversation about his very... personhood. Or lack thereof.”

God, Martin wanted to punch Elias in the face. Apparently killing him was off the table for the time being, but punching him couldn’t hurt, right?

...oh, who was he kidding? Martin wasn’t generally the one to start a fight, at least not a literal, physical one, and past experience showed that he was much less likely to be the puncher than the one being punched.

It was a nice thought, though, at least.

Elias went on. “I suppose Jon could try to object, if he so chooses, but I suspect that any such effort would end rather... messily. Besides, the Web does have its way of getting what it wants, no matter who protests about it.”

“...the Web? My... my future spouse will be connected to the Web?”

Jon looked unhealthily pale, and Martin was reminded of the arguments the two of them had had before over spiders, how Jon always vehemently defended the point of view that they were nasty little critters that deserved to be killed on sight, no matter how hard Martin tried to explain their place in the ecosystem or his personal liking of them. Martin knew most people weren’t fond of spiders in the least, but Jon... Jon seemed to have an honest-to-God phobia about them.

“Yes. They’re a powerful ally, and they’d be a powerful enemy, too; I think it’s much better to ensure they’re on our side for this operation than risk the opposite. I’m still working out the details with Annabelle Cane, though, so I’m not yet sure whether your betrothed will be Ms. Cane herself or one of her associates.”

Annabelle Cane... that name had come up in one of the statements, hadn’t it? Some arachnophobia experiment gone wrong, a uni student left with too many limbs...

One look at Jon made it clear that he’d made the same connection Martin had. He looked like he was about ready to keel over.

“Are you going to have the rest of us married off too, then?” Melanie asked; a second later, when Elias hadn’t responded, she let out a bitter laugh and added, “Don’t tell me you’re actually considering it.”

“No, I don’t think so. Jon’s a bit of a special case in that regard. But if anything about the situation changes, I’ll be sure to keep you all posted.”

“You’re an asshole!” Tim said, though Martin honestly wasn’t sure whether it was related to the news about Jon’s involuntary marriage or just about... well, about everything Elias did, really.

“Duly noted. Now, unless there’s anything else...”

Elias turned away, but Jon grabbed his shoulder as he reached for the door.

“There’s nothing I can do about any of this?”

“I wouldn’t say that. You can buy yourself a tuxedo, for one thing.”

And with those parting words of wisdom, Elias Bouchard left the Archives, closing the door softly but firmly behind him.

“I... I need to sit down. Process all of this.” Sitting down was probably a good idea, given that Martin still wasn’t convinced Jon wasn’t on the verge of passing out; Jon looked positively ill, worse by far than he’d appeared during their earlier showdown with Elias, and he hadn’t been at his best then either. “I’ll be in my office, but don’t bother me unless it’s urgent, alright? I do not want to talk about this.”

Jon practically stomped off to his office, slamming the door behind him and leaving an awkward silence in his wake.

[lisinfleur]

Surprise, surprise!

Hey guys!

This month I saved this sweet surprise for you all. Believe me, it was a surprise for me as well. I never thought it could happen someday and to have this content to offer you guys is really something impressive and almost unbelievable to me.

I have been working hard on edits and fictions all this time to provide the events from the "Uncrowned King's Thursday" to the "5 Crowns Weekend" and, somehow, it filled my life with joy, so add this small interview as a part of this event - especially for THIS prince you all know is my favorite haha - is something very special and a huge gift. Maybe the hugest a fan could ever get from its idol.

Well, let me stop the rounds and rounds and tell you what this surprise is all about: dear David Lindström agreed in answering some questions for me to publish here, for you guys!

We all know our sweet bardic prince launched on July 12 the first single of his album to come, a beautiful song named "Autumn". If you didn't hear it yet, you're losing a hit! However, I didn't lose time and pre-saved my single and my chance to have this amazing content for you guys!

Enjoy!

Image source: Instagram (@dalindstrom, credits to the owner)

Me: First of all, and once again, thank you for this amazing opportunity! Considering this small article will be published in an event about Sigurd, I would like to start with a few questions related to him if you allow me. Would you mind telling us a bit of what was the meaning of this character in your life as an actor? How did it contribute to your professional career, acting style, and personal life?

David: My pleasure! Obviously, the role of Sigurd has been extremely important for my career, giving me exposure and resources that I would otherwise never have had at this point which in turn has made possible almost everything I do today. But it was actually the process around getting the role that impacted me the most personally and that has affected the way I approach acting, music, and life in general. Here’s the story: When I got to the open audition for the sons of Ragnar at 07:30 in Stockholm there was already a line outside the building with 200 giant dudes in a Ragnar mohawk, each and every one having about as much mass in their beards as I had in my entire body at that point. I realized that I was never going to get the job by competing with these guys on who’s the biggest, baddest warrior so if I were going to do this at all I’d have to take a different approach. I had the belief that even in the Viking age not everyone could have been the giant beasts that we associate them with, so what if I could present a character that was a little more sensitive, slender and insecure? Even better, what about a Viking in his awkward teenage phase, gradually growing into the legend he would later be known as? I took a shot and was told from the start that I was unlikely to get the part, but there was something interesting in my interpretation so I was still brought back repeatedly up until the final audition in Ireland. At this point, I was auditioning both for the role of Sigurd and Ivar, with the latter having a flamboyance and hubris that was suppressed in Sigurd. When all was done Travis Fimmel and Alexander Ludwig came into the room for a group shot, during which I awkwardly waved to the camera and was promptly called out by Travis and told that I could forget landing the role. I’ll admit that I believed him, and part of me would continue to believe him all the way through filming and even long after. But what was so special about the whole thing was that from the very first second I was put in a situation where I was forced to believe that I had something unique to bring to the table, if I didn’t go all in on embracing my differences I could as well forget it. So, whereas I’d never normally trust my instincts and go out on a limb that way, when that became the only option, I had a chance to see for myself that it can be worth it. Ever since, I try my best to remember how hopeless it all seemed until it suddenly worked out, and that no matter how inferior and incompetent we feel at times, it’s our unique combination of flaws that make us valuable, exciting and irreplaceable.

Me: We’re a large community of Vikings fans, passionate about the series, their actors, and everything related to the world your talent helped to bring for us. This community embraces the characters with such love, that many of us write fictions about the series, giving our beloved characters what we think they should achieve or deserved. How it is it for you to know there are such fanfictions and that - in a great number of them - Sigurd was described with a different ending, where his life followed the curse of history and he became a king, or he found love, had children, etc.? How does it feel for you to know so many people wanted a better life and a sweet ending for your character?

David: It’s incredibly humbling to see the passion and investment that so many of you put into the character’s fate. It’s a hard feeling to describe, but it’s sort of just the reassurance of having a whole bunch of great artists on your side. Even though the reason behind Sigurd’s fate has been somewhat explained to me, I can’t honestly say that it’s a decision that I really agree with. Of course, Hirst does a job writing the show that I can’t imagine many others could, and it’s crucial for a good story that the writer’s vision takes precedence over the actors getting what they want. That said, it’s obviously no question that I personally would have wanted more time to release what I’d built up, and for Sigurd’s coming of age-arch to be completed. When I was told what was going to happen, I actually felt I had to get involved with making suggestions to Hirst for the remaining scenes to get some sort of closure, which can be seen in Sigurd being noticeably more proactive and confrontational towards the end. The fact that so many in the community seem to have similar ideas and feelings on the subject means more than you’d really believe. Still, we should never underestimate the impact that a story can get out of an uncompleted pattern, maybe it’s better that Sigurd left us wanting more rather than outliving our interest for him. But there’s so much good writing in the community that I wouldn’t be surprised if some of it became a great screenplay of its own.

Me: Despite the huge project Vikings represented for us or the fact that many of us came to know you because of Sigurd, you worked in different projects on Swedish television, theatre, and other fields. Would you mind talking about some of these projects for us? Something you recommend for your new fans?

David: I’d love to! The part I’m proudest of is probably Simon in the TV series “Blue Eyes”. It was my first major professional role and I was overjoyed to receive such a well written, complexly human character that I felt really fit my style. The filming was also incredibly fun, I was warmly welcomed into the business and had great guidance from a number of caring directors and while I was personally going through a major heartbreak at the time, I had the opportunity to make use of those emotions and grow both artistically and personally. The series itself is a great political drama that mirrors the ideological situation that much of the world was dealing with at the time in a way that I thought was both insightful and thrilling.

Image source: Google Images (credits to the owner)

Me: Now, speaking of your present life, you changed your focus from acting to your musician self, now gifting us with this amazing work that's your soon-to-come album. What is the meaning of this project to your life as an artist?

David: I’ve probably always seen myself as a musician more than anything else, and although acting has been another one of my favourite things since long before I got paid for it, my go-to source of expression has always been music. I’ve loved sharing musical ideas with my close friends and processing life through song writing, and few things have been as exciting as finding someone willing to give my stuff a listen. Landing a record deal like the one I have means the sudden realization of so much that had only been fantasy before, and it’s been surreal to see this imagined world take shape. But that’s still something I’ve had more than a year to prepare for. What I could never prepare for was the reception we’ve had so far. I know that I tend to not expect things to go very well, but even when I allowed myself to dream big, I thought that it would take Autumn a year to get where it’s now at after a month. It’s once again the feeling of being surrounded by incredible people giving incredible support, and there’s nothing quite as uplifting as the feeling of being in such good company.

Me: I'm a writer myself. And to compose my text works, I usually have some sources of inspiration like listening to some specific musicians and music styles, reading books related to the work I want to compose, etc. What are your inspiration sources when composing your songs?

David: Of course, my main source of influence is other music, and that would mostly be my favourite artists such as anything Julian Casablancas, Muse, Kent, MGMT and Lars Winnerbäck, as well as the classical music of Chopin, Liszt and Rachmaninoff. I love anything with great lyrics or big melodies. I’m also lucky enough to live with one of the most creative people I know, so I always run my ideas past her when I’m stuck or unsure, but the ideas can really come from anywhere. If I come across a story, place, picture or anything that resonates with me it usually has something special when it comes to structure, dynamics or flavor that I can try to apply on what I’m working on, so I find that really just living life and being aware of the world around me gives me more than enough input without having to actively pursue it. However, if I’m working towards a deadline, I find it most effective to take an idea that I already like and either jam with it or elaborate on it until it’s become something else. In either case it’s important to remember that the majority of creative work is just finding out what doesn’t work, so no effort is ever really wasted. I sometimes task myself with writing 10 songs that I think are shit, because even if I’m right 90% of the time that will still leave me with a good one.

Image source: Spotify (Autumn, 2019)

Me: Dayfelice. At the pre saving of your album's first single "Autumn", we saw the album was signed "by Dayfelice". I already know this is a new artistic name, but how did you come up with the idea and what’s the meaning of this name you chose, in your personal view?

David: It’s a stylized version of my first names “David Felix”. When I make music, I try to liberate it from trends or expectations when it comes to genre and sound, and to end up in a space where the song’s emotion, narrative, and imagery can really shape it without limits. So, most of the songs are very different from each other, but they center around an emotional, cinematic larger-than-life style, and I wanted to signal that with an artist name that had a romantic, elevated feel without saying too much else. Something that could be either a band or an artist of any gender, as well as something that just sounds good.

Me: I’ll never be tired to thank you for this amazing moment! Would you like to leave a message to the fan community of Tumblr and Vikings' fans that will reach this work?

David: I know it's cliché, but I genuinely just want to thank you all for your amazing support. I want you to know that I see your comments, I read your messages and it truly means a lot be surrounded by such a smart, progressive and kind community. Stay awesome and take care of each other.

Well, that's it, guys! The apex of what a fan could get and one more of the thousands of reasons why David became one of my favorite artists in this world: his sweetness and kindness towards his fans is admirable such as his talent and beautiful work. A complete artist bringing to us not only our sweet and beloved prince Sigurd but also lots of amazing works and new songs for us to enjoy!

Thank you one more time for your gentleness, dear David, and for you guys, thank you for bringing me the courage to go there and get this for us! I hope 

Do you like my work? Support me!

Tagged ones:

|| @directionlessbuthappy || @akamaiden || @bang-kim-bap || @cris101071 || @solveigs-temple || @volvas-temple || @alicedopey || @captstefanbrandt || @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla || @lol-haha-joke || @normatural || @readsalot73 || @shutter-bug124 || @rekdreams247 || @slutforasoldier || @naaladareia || @laketaj24 || @therealcalicali || @grungyblonde || @honestsycrets || @rabeccablake || @2thequietone4 || @blackspiritshake || @vikingsbifrost || @sincerelysinister || @harringtonsbaseballbat || @lyanna-the-giantsbane || @isthat-tyra98 || @xinyourdreamsx || @medievalfangirl || @queenbeeta || @snake-eye-blaeja || @thiahilmarsdottir ||

Want to be tagged? Ask me!

[fuckyeahjamieandclaire]

Posted by Aimee Hicks Tackling any character of any age can be a challenge. Each character comes with their own set of quirks that can force even the most experienced of performers to have to work outside of their comfort zone. The very art of acting, however, is meant to force performers to tackle things that aren’t always easy for them to relate to. The one thing most performers have in common with their character is a similar age range, therefore, providing similar life experiences for the performer to pull from. Then, there are those rare instances where a show has to force a rapid age increase. In some cases, that situation requires a recasting, but many times that’s just not practical. That then puts the performer in the position of having to act out life experiences for which they likely have no real life basis. Some performers can pull it off and others simply fail under the weight of the unknown scenarios. Those performers that do pull it off do their research and put everything they have into delivering realistic quality performances. It is this category where Outlander’s Caitriona Balfe falls and one of the many reasons she was more than deserving of the title of September’s Most Outstanding Actress. She has never given a performance that is anything other than stunningly perfect.

The very end of Season Two showed Balfe’s character Claire Fraser fast forwarded twenty years. She was flawless in her portrayal of her aged character, tackling the role of a mother with an adult daughter with the finesse expected from this talented actress. New viewers would have been forgiven for thinking Balfe was a mother of an adult daughter herself. She was simply so at ease with Sophie Skelton (Brianna Randall Fraser) that the two really came off appearing to be mother and daughter. So, coming into this season, fans already knew Caitriona Balfe was capable of the work. Instead of jumping her right back into the role in which she was last seen portraying, the show backtracked two decades and showed Claire’s journey to the woman fans met at the end of last season. It was remarkable to watch Balfe bring to life all these major life events that shaped who Claire would become.

The first time Claire appears in the season premiere, The Battle Joined (3x1), the story has reverted back in time to shortly after her return. She and Frank (Tobias Menzies) have just moved to Boston for a fresh start. Caitriona Balfe did a stunning job during this episode. No matter what the words were that she was speaking her eyes and body language said so much more. She portrayed the raging conflict within Claire with heartbreaking precision. Claire knew that Jamie (Sam Heughan) was gone, but she couldn’t just turn her heart off and stop loving him. On that same accord, she knew that Frank was right there with her and did care for her and her then unborn daughter. There was this constant back and forth emotional pull that Balfe perfectly nailed. This is particularly noticeable in one scene in particular, when Claire first meets Millie (Kimberley Nixon). The way Balfe chose to play the scene was melancholy, yet hopeful for her future with Frank. As Claire and Millie talked about their husbands, Claire cooked as she would have back in Jamie’s time with this longing look in her eyes as what she was saying clearly referenced Jamie. Then when she spoke of Frank there was a smile on her face, but a look of pained loss in her eyes. This could have just been a typical chat between two wives, but Balfe gave the whole scene so much depth that it was much more impactful then perhaps even the writers had intended.

Moments throughout this episode would continue to build on that. Claire could make herself sound happy and even delighted, but her eyes said so much about her true feelings. That was confirmed in almost every moment that she was alone. Balfe allowed Claire’s pain of loss to feel so palpable that a viewer would have been hard-pressed to not feel what Claire had to endure. On the opposite end of this episode, Jamie was simply just trying to survive his own wounds and heartache. There was some beautiful juxtaposition here where it almost seemed as if Claire was feeling Jamie’s pain through time and space, this was more than physical loss, but a stunning display of two united souls having to endure separation. No matter where they each are they still feel what the other is enduring. Not only was the story written to play to this, but the way Balfe brought it to life was stunning. She didn’t have the same physical injury pain to portray that Heughan did, but the pain that Claire was feeling felt every bit as real as what Jamie was going through.

Claire tried to be happy, she tried to move on from Jamie, but truly letting go of him wasn’t something she was capable of. She tried to build a life with Frank in Boston and raise Bree as their daughter, but even before the red-haired lass was born she still reminded Claire of the love she had lost. There was this stunning moment in the kitchen where Claire was talking about applying for citizenship to the United States and she referred to the unborn Bree as her and Frank’s child. It was one of the few moments where this couple felt as though they were on the same page. Balfe played the moment as one of joy for Claire as she tried to accept her new future. There was light in her eyes and a smile on her face then Frank went to touch Claire’s baby bump and the entire tone of the scene shifted in a split second. The light that Balfe had in her eyes immediately shut down and she stiffened her body to show how involuntary Claire’s reaction had been. For the sake of show, she had to accept Frank as Bree’s father, but her heart was never going to truly permit that acceptance and that moment perfectly illustrated that. Jamie was and always would be, in Claire's eyes, Bree's true father even though she knew she had to allow Frank to be a part of her child's life because to the rest of the world he would be her father. Menzies was terrific in his portrayal of Frank in these awkward moments, but Balfe just dominated.

At the end of the premiere came the much-anticipated birth of Bree. It was a tumultuous delivery with things not going according to plan leading to a much contested C-section birth. This sequence was one of the few times where Claire and Frank really felt connected. That’s because of Balfe, through her superb performance, she permitted it. She and Menzies have always had a strong on-screen connection, but for the troubled relationship to truly come across on screen she had to at times pull back from him. Menzies had to remain open to Balfe as that was what Frank was trying to do. Frank wanted to be open to Claire in hopes that she would open back up to him fully. Balfe was the one that had to play the reserved and cutoff side of things, and she did it brilliantly. That distance made it easy to sympathize with both sides of the relationship because neither character was in a good position and both were suffering in one way or another despite actually indeed caring for one another. But this scene changed that and for this brief moment in time they were united around the joyous birth of this beautiful new life. The characters were connected and the way Balfe had Claire look at Frank was very reminiscent of the first time the audience met the couple way back in the series premiere before Jamie was a factor. They didn’t have a perfect marriage even then, but there was love. For the first time in this episode, Balfe allowed a look of love back into Claire’s eyes when she looked at Frank. Even in the pain of childbirth, or perhaps because of it, she was able to tap into the love she once shared with her husband.

The joy was still there once she was holding newborn Bree in her arms with Frank lovingly by her side. Then the nurse unknowingly struck down their new happy family by asking about Bree’s red hair and in an instant, Balfe took Claire from overjoyed to heartbroken. The look of loss and heartbreak washed over her and the way Balfe played this conflicted emotional moment was truly stunning. She made Claire’s journey throughout this episode feel very dynamic and her powerful portrayal of Claire’s depressed moments made the joyous ones feel all the more powerful. She tackled a tough rollercoaster ride of emotions in the most brilliant of ways.

The trials and tribulation for Claire only grew more intense as in the following episode, Surrender (3x2). It’s clear that the writers know the talent they have in Caitriona Balfe so they picked the most emotionally diverse moments from the book to throw at her. She is a very powerful emotional actress who can dive deep into the intensity of a moment, but she also has a stunning smile that can light up a scene. One of those moments was when young Bree rolled over for the first time. Her smile is so infectious that those watching likely unwittingly had an equivalently big smile over the moment. Of course, given the nature of things going on, the moment was short-lived as she had to deal with Frank and their disconnect issues, but it was still a nice moment of levity while it lasted.

Claire was doing her best to overcome her disconnect with her husband, but that was much easier said than done. Even in their sex scenes together it was clearly obvious that while she felt Frank’s flesh it wasn’t he who was dominating her mind. Balfe’s haunting performance was impactful for its lack of connection, it was obvious that it wasn’t Frank she was with, but instead the lingering memory of Jamie. The chemistry between performers is something that is crucial in any good love story, but this part of the story isn’t about love, but about appearances. Claire’s heart was never going to recommit to Frank no matter how much he wanted it to and no matter how much she wished she could. During this episode Frank seemingly gave up hope of that for the final time. It’s very telling of talent when an actress can be looking at her co-star with locked eyes yet have her character look right through the other person as if they aren’t there. That’s exactly what Balfe did and it made for a stunningly, unexpected, character-defining moment.

That whole situation led to an epiphany for Claire about what she wanted from her new life. The realization led her to finally embrace the fact she wished to become a doctor. Despite the blowback she received from wanting to be a doctor in a then predominantly male-dominated profession, she finally seemed content. When she met Joe Abernathy (Wil Johnson) she actually seemed to genuinely connect with someone for the first time since her return. He was a kindred spirit that understood her and was a true friend. When Balfe had Claire reach out and shake his hand there was genuine warmth in the moment that had been lacking in her life. In context of the hour it wasn’t a big moment, but in the long term storyline for the character, it was an incredibly important turning point. When Balfe clasped Johnson’s hand, it was a firm shake with a glint of warmth in her eyes that gave birth to an epic friendship between their characters.

It was clear how much it meant to her that she had found a place for her in this time. She was a healer in Jamie’s time and that was something she knew she was meant to do. Training to be a doctor gave her life meaning beyond being a wife and mother, the latter of which meant the world to her. Yet, she still needed something that was hers. This wasn’t an easy storyline to bring to life because it required Claire to jump back and forth between happiness and melancholy depression. By the end of this second episode of the season, Claire had found her place as a doctor in training and she had come to an understanding with Frank. Their beds were no longer one and that change seemed to suit her. She was more content by the end of this hour then she had been at any time previous other than at Bree's birth. The way Balfe walked this tightrope of back and forth emotions without giving the audience whiplash and while still being true and honest to her character was astonishing. A lesser actress would have over or underplayed these complex scenes, but she tackled them in such a way that every moment played perfectly on screen.

The following episode, All Debts Paid (3x3), was the culmination of everything that had happened in the prior two episodes. Claire’s marriage to Frank was nothing more than a cover for both of their nearly independent lives. They raised Bree and did their best to put on appearances for her sake. They tried to appear happy for her at home, even though Claire’s eyes always stated differently. Then Bree graduated and was at an age where she could do as she wished, even running off to England with Frank and his mistress if she wished. That latter part was the final straw for Claire. There were a lot of great scenes leading up to this one, including Claire meeting the aforementioned mistress, and they all perfectly illustrated the divide between Frank and Claire but this was when everything fell apart. Bree was her and Jamie’s daughter and there was no way she was going to let anyone run off with her. The fight was ferocious and the red-hot fury in her eyes was intense. Balfe went all in on this scene and what emerged was a level of fierceness not seen since she was forced to leave Jamie behind. Bree was the last part she had left of Jamie and she wasn’t going to let Frank run off with her. The anger was primal, as was the emotion. When Frank confronted Claire about Bree being her constant reminder of Jamie the tears immediately built up in Balfe’s eyes. The way she can jockey around emotions and turn them on and off and amplify them at a seconds notice is nothing short of stunningly beautiful moving art. Watching Balfe wield emotions like a sharp dagger is a sight to be seen and once it has been seen it can’t be forgotten.

Caitriona Balfe’s September tour de force ended on a sad note for Claire. Despite her disconnect with her husband and the divorce battle looming, it still broke her heart to lose him for good. As she openly admitted she did love him despite what he thought, that’s perhaps why she was so angry over the affairs and the divorce request. She could never give him her full heart, but she was still capable of loving him and at times she did. When Claire looked at him and tenderly touched him it was the first time where it really felt like she was open and connected to him. In that moment she gave him what she couldn’t give him in life, a piece of her heart where he will always live. It was sad and poignant and heartfelt all at the same time. When Balfe leaned over so Claire could kiss Frank goodbye her tears transferred to Menzie’s nose and trickled down his face. Who knows if that was meant to happen, but somehow showing Claire’s tear trickling down his face hit hard. Balfe’s performances are always raw, but this one felt so much more.

The whole story of Outlander is a love story where many couples come and go throughout the run of the books and the television series. But the first couple that launched the books was Frank and Claire and seeing the ending of that coupling brought to life on screen felt like a very sad bookend of their journey together. Caitriona Balfe has been very blessed in the co-star department, especially in the two men she was tasked to have her character love. Tobias Menzies and Sam Heughan are consummate gentlemen who are exceptionally gifted actors in their own right. Balfe has impeccable chemistry with each man allowing this odd love triangle to carry all the weight that made it so impactful. She was gifted immense talent to work opposite of and never squandered an opportunity to really dig deep into the emotional connection her character had with both men. Caitriona Balfe is a rare talent who has done proud by the source material and who always does stunning work to bring to life the words given to her in the scripts.

For all of these reasons, and so much more that no single article could ever fully capture, she is more than deserving of the title of the Most Outstanding Actress of September. As is usual for Balfe, every single scene she was in throughout September is worth recognition. And, in September, there were many, and they all didn’t get recognition in this article, so please use the comments to highlight all the other exceptional moments not covered here. She is a very deserving winner and one that simply continues to stun the audience week in and week out. Caitriona Balfe is an acting force to be reckoned with and hers is a name that audiences will be hearing for a very long time.

[theradicalfishdoctor]

Levihan Fanfiction Favorites

I know this is a little late, but thanks for 200 followers <3

I probably could never express in words how much I love these fics, and I apologize if my thoughts are a bit all over the place or don’t make any sense, but I just want to tell you guys why I love these so much as best as I can!  (っ˘ω˘ς )

I literally had to stop myself from going into detail about why I love every sentence of all these fanfics.

Thank you authors for writing these masterpieces!

Not in any particular order:

Ocean Talks - by kindredghosts

One of my favorites of all time -This fic takes place after the events of chapter 90, and features Hange and Levi having a talk together after a year of avoiding each other over Levi’s decision to give Armin the serum instead of Erwin.

There were so many moments (and a few that made me laugh too) that really pulled on my heartstrings and I really hope a discussion of this sort is explored in canon. 

Spoilers 

I love how they portray Levi and Hange’s bond/relationship. Levi and Hange are so tense with each other at first, because of their lack of communication, but as soon as they open up to each other and are honest, they are back to their old selves again and start teasing each other like they always have. Having that talk and being honest with each other caused them to feel relieved and at peace, which I think really helps show how close they are. There are also many points in the fic where their understanding in each other and bond of trust is displayed which to me is something that is a crucial part of their relationship.

This piece also has one of my favorite fanfic endings as well it was too cute. And that ending dialogue “We will protect each other.” hits me in the feels every time I read it.

End of Spoilers

Aftermath - by  just_quintessentially_me

I immediately knew after reading the summary, that this was going to be one of the best things I’ve ever read. This fic takes place after Bertholdt and Reiner reveal themselves as the Colossal and Armored Titan and attack the wall. Levi is on his way to the wall when poor Pastor Nick (understandably) confuses Hange as Levi’s wife when he sees him growing worried about her fate. This is a piece that really feels like a part of the actual series, and had comedic elements as well that were flawlessly written. They completely nailed the personalities of the characters which was amazing. The last thing I will say before the spoilers below is that this made me appreciate Pastor Nick on a whole new level.

Spoilers

First off,  Levi’s utter disbelief and confusion with the pastor’s mistake and growing frustration when Nick just did not understand that they weren’t a couple was truly hilarious. Although the way Levi was worrying about Hange so much (which was adorable by the way) and how they always act like a married couple when they are together, I wouldn’t blame the pastor at all for thinking they were married. And actually in a way, the discussion between Pastor Nick and Levi kind of leads to Levi opening up and realizing his feelings for Hange.

When Hange finds out the pastor wants to marry them after he interrupted their couple-like discussion, Levi’s feelings are revealed. This moment made my heart burst because they both knew they loved each other, but the heart-breaking thing was that they simply could not bring themselves to say anything. They both are characters that aren’t good with words as is seen in the series. In the fic, they confess their feelings to each other using actions which I think is something that fits both their character’s perfectly. And they understand each other so they both know what the other means. Seriously though, another one of the most memorable things I’ve ever read is this part: “I’ve always-....she splayed her fingers where her palm rested, directly over his heart.” She couldn’t say it and neither could Levi, but Levi understands what she means and returns the gesture.

I love how Hange says that for them, it was a sort of proposal (my heart was hit with a case of the feels when Levi brought up the idea of having a private marriage ceremony), because Levi and Hange don’t have the luxury of being able to say  “I love you” because of how their world is, but they don’t really need to because what they have is enough for them.

But seriously, Pastor Nick basically caused Levihan to be canon. Thank you Pastor Nick.  (￣ω￣)

End of Spoilers

All of Me - by JulyStorms

In this piece, Hange encounters an unconscious Levi while fleeing from Titans. . She fights to keep them alive, and soon Mike arrives to help but he only has enough resources to save one of them.

Let’s just say this piece gave me an overwhelming amount of feels and has one of the most unforgettable scenes that I’ve ever read.

Spoilers

Hange knew she was going to die when she sent Levi with Mike, but she wanted so badly for Levi to survive, and begged Mike to save him. Hange’s desperation for Levi to live was really beautifully written. Man that's true love right there.(T_T) This scene was heartbreaking for me because of Levi’s helplessness. He was so injured that he didn’t have the ability to stop her.  I personally see Levi as a character that strongly desires to have control in his life and I feel like the fact that he couldn’t do anything was devastating to him. 

It hit me hard when Levi lost it after waking up in the medical wing. It was written so that you can hear the raw fear in his voice. He knew she wasn’t alright but he didn’t know what happened. When he found out she was presumed dead he wanted to go back to look for a body. (and her wings) And my lord it was so sad when Levi kept calling out to Hange as if he expected her to respond. That line where he announces she is officially dead; it was written so well because I feel like it shows that Levi is emotionally broken and struggling to retain his normal stoic composure.

The scenes where we see Levi struggling to deal with Hange’s passing are something that feel really impactful. The way I interpreted Levi’s feelings based on my own interpretations of him is that he has been so lonely his whole life that once his loneliness is replaced with feelings of love and comfort that if that were to be taken away from him it would break him, and I think that’s what happened to him when he believed Hange died. 

End of Spoilers

Heart-bites - by Huntress_of_Life

This is a parental Levihan fanfiction from Levi’s p.o.v., in which he experiences a type of feeling he doesn’t know how to deal with.

Parental feels are something that really hits home for me. I remember looking for a piece like this for a long time, and this was so perfect, and so beautifully written that I was sobbing by the end of it. (and I don’t cry often) The characterization was just right and Levi’s anxiety and emotions could strongly be felt. Every time I read this piece I swear I start crying or at least tear up.  I won’t say too much about this one, because I think the best way to explain why this is such a beautiful piece is just to go read it.

Spoilers

Levi has dealt with so much loss and pain in his life, that the pure joy he feels when his child is born clashes with his stoic mentality and he thinks something is wrong with his heart. I think the fact that he believes something is wrong with his heart also has to do with the fact that he had an extreme lack of affection as a child. He isn’t used to feelings of love. He is so anxious to confront his feelings, but when he thinks of Hange and their journey together, his walls start coming down, and his heart sings thinking about his new family. 

Once he holds his daughter, he is completely relaxed, because he realizes his anxiety came from wanting to see her so badly. (This is the part where my floodgates broke) At the end Hange wakes up and of course she reads him like an open book, not only because their bond is so strong, but also because I can only imagine how happy Levi would look.

End of Spoilers

This piece was one of the most touching and precious things I’ve ever read, omg I’m internally crying just thinking about it

More Cute Levihan Fanfics

I apologize if I don’t have much to say about these, but I love them just as much <3

Never Normal with Us - by WhatHistoryForgets

Another Parental Levihan fic, in which the titans are defeated, and Levi just wants his children to have a normal life. And oh my lord I love this piece because I personally think that since Levi grew up in such terrible conditions that he’d work hard to make his children feel as loved as possible even though he may be pretty awkward about it.

also lmao I thought it was perfect how Erwin is the uncle figure

Turn - by ConfusedMuse

In this piece, Hange and Levi attend a military fundraiser ball and Levi sees a different side of Hange.

Amazing characterization for Hanjo in here

I really hope someone makes fanart of Hange in that uniform

When Forever Rolls on Through, I'll be Holding On to You - by LesboDyke

A piece in which Levi receives Hange’s jacket, and after a tragedy, reads through her journals. This fic ripped my heart out.

Spoilers

They were married ;-;

The way they said goodbye was just so… them. They’re such abnormals.          (｡T ω T｡)  It was perfect and cute and I died.

And then I loved the way Levi just knew something was wrong. I think it’s an Ackerman thing to have the ability to instantly know when their loved ones are in danger.

Another thing is that like in the manga, Hange is non-binary, and I love how when someone refers to Hange as a “she” Levi is quick to correct them. This ties into one of my favorite things about Levihan, (although everything about Levihan is great) that Levi and Hange have so much respect for each other, and that Levi wants to make sure that Hange gets the respect they deserve.

The ending killed me. (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ

End of Spoilers

Unexpected Fairytales & The Kitten Smith Chronicles - by raisedinthunder

I love raisedinthunder’s writing.  ( ´ ▽ ` ) A ton of perfect fluffy fics to read after a bad day or just after reading a really sad piece. I reread these all the time because my gosh they make me so happy.

Dancing Under a Blue Moon - by Stratagem

Yet another Parental Levihan fic (I love these)

In this fic, Hange and their daughter work together to get Levi to dance with them

EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS FIC WAS PERFECT

I feel like this piece really shows how much Levi’s family means to him. Also, I just wanted to mention that I died immediately when reading the beginning of this piece simply because they described the Levihan family as “The Ackermans” and I think picturing the words “Hange Ackerman” was too much for my heart to handle.

[starwarsnonsense]

Darren Aronofsky’s ‘mother!’ as a feminist fable

* Spoilers for Darren Aronofsky’s mother! follow *

I must begin by apologising for what can only be a digression on a Star Wars blog, since mother! (beyond the inclusion of Domhnall Gleeson in a tiny role) has absolutely nothing to do with everyone’s favourite space opera series. However, I can’t feel too bad about it since I really, really need to talk about mother!. Excuse my indulgence, and I hope that those of you who do read these find my thoughts interesting.

I watched mother! for the first time at the weekend and it truly blew me away. I left the theatre with a deranged grin in my face, amazed and overjoyed that Aronofsky had convinced Paramount to fund, promote and distribute something this batshit crazy (amusingly, they actually felt the need to explain themselves in a statement). However insane you expect mother! to be, nothing can surpass the actual experience of watching it in a theatre and hearing the disquieted murmurs of an unprepared and steadily more agitated crowd. 

mother! is any and all of the following, depending on how you choose to approach it - a black comedy, a parable, a pretentious pile of nonsense, an allegory, a muddle of metaphors, a home invasion film, an affront to all reasonable standards of good sense and decency, etc., etc. But what I’m going to focus on here is how mother! is also a rather shattering feminist fable. Just allow me a few paragraphs of scene-setting to get there.

To get right into the thick of it, it has been well established by many others (not least Aronofsky himself) that mother! is a biblical allegory - Jennifer Lawrence’s Mother (upper case mine, out of principle) is Mother Nature, Javier Bardem’s Him (note that all-important, end credits-sanctioned upper case!) is the Judaeo-Christian God, Ed Harris’s ‘man’ is Adam, Michelle Pfeiffer’s ‘woman’ is Eve, and so on and so on. mother! is, in essence, a microcosm of the entire Christian Bible - it is even neatly divided into discrete halves that correspond to the greatest hits of the Old and New Testaments. The characters here are not individuals so much as representations of concepts - they are forces of nature and qualities of man. The film bends time to breaking point, compressing thousands of years of progress, conflict and bloodshed into two hours and reducing the entire Earth to an increasingly dilapidated house.

By borrowing its structure from the Bible, mother! is, by default, a portrait of humanity and its capacity for harm - and it is upsetting people precisely because Aronofsky’s view of man is extremely bleak. Humanity is framed as an ever-swelling deluge of insatiable, greedy and thoughtless brutes, with only the barest glimmers of kindness and compassion visible amidst the chaos. At the film’s end, the only acceptable solution for Mother Nature - her heart black and withered, her love all-but extinguished by her suffering - is to burn them all to ashes. 

mother! is a condemnation of humankind, but it is also a condemnation of the baser qualities of God Himself: His demand for worship, His indifference towards the natural world, and His insistence on the continuation of man even in the face of its violence and destructiveness. Him is portrayed as more akin to the curious, selfish, playful gods of the Ancient Greek pantheon than the bearded, stoic sky-father that the Christian God is now usually framed as - he has a short memory for the horrors wrought by mankind, and demonstrates inexplicable and senseless investment in perpetuating them, even as Mother Earth rages against their existence. The film takes the idea of the six days of creation and, rather brilliantly, makes it look as if God created man out of idle curiosity once he’d become discontented with the tranquil perfection of his creation.

One of the richest and most fascinating interpretations of mother!, as far as I’m concerned, is the one that approaches it as an allegory for the diminishment and sidelining of the divine feminine. This is conveyed through something as basic and obvious as capitalisation - while the exclamation mark in the film’s title has got all of the attention, the lower case ‘m’ means more than you’d first think. It is a very well-established convention that God is always referred to with upper case pronouns (His, Him, He) - this is done to distinguish Him from the petty, fading gods from other religions, and from all those lower creatures with no claim to divinity (or, as it turns out, upper case pronouns). By introducing mother! with lower case in the title of the film, the disadvantage of Mother Earth is being established from the outset. 

To venture briefly into theology, the feminine divine is now usually considered inferior to the masculine one - it has been this way for many centuries, with the ancient goddesses of wisdom, fertility, love and creation being sidelined in favour of warlike, dominating male deities. As Bettany Hughes observes in The Guardian:

At the birth of society and civilisation I find a religious landscape littered with feisty female deities who make wisdom their business. There's Nisaba the Babylonian goddess who looks after the stores of both grain and knowledge in Mesopotamia; the Hindu goddess Saraswati; the Zoroastrian Anahita; the ancient Greek Athena; and the Shinto Omoikane (a fine goddess of holistic thought and multitasking).

But come the end of the bronze age and many of these deities have been demoted. Here we witness a precursor of the Judaeo-Christian scenario. Up until 1400BC, citadel settlements are stable. Goddesses – notably in charge of fertility and learning – have a crucial role to play. But as civilisation gets greedy and society more militaristic, these wise women are edged to the sidelines in favour of a thundering, male warrior god.

It is my feeling that we see this dynamic - with the divine female creative force being forced to the margins by an overbearing figure of male authority - played out in the marital relationship between Him and Mother in the film. Mother is the central creative actor - she is the one who makes the house at the centre of the film (which is analogous to the Earth) beautiful and vibrant following its destruction in a fire. Without her, it is impossible for Him to create. But her efforts are constantly overlooked, scorned and belittled - the guests in her house destroy her belongings, invade her sanctuaries, and show outright disdain for her wishes. Her attempts to resist them are perceived as comical, with her will only being enacted on those rare occasions that Him deigns to support her. Mother is clearly expected to be a passive source of inspiration for Him, an ornament whose attempts to assert herself or share her opinion are swiftly shut down. Just as history has erased goddesses and female deities as patriarchal structures have become more and more entrenched, the characters surrounding Mother in the film seek to trample her down and ignore her role in creation.

A big point is made in the film of the generational divide between Him and Mother - Him is middle-aged, his face lined and weathered, whereas Mother is a beautiful young woman with immaculate skin and an abundance of golden hair. This distinction drives home the imbalance between them - it is a divide designed to unsettle and disquiet from the moment you first see them together, the kind of union that makes your skin crawl from an instinctual sense that something is profoundly wrong with it. 

As the film unwinds, this suspicion becomes fully realised - the film is cyclical in that it begins and ends with a mother setting herself and the house aflame, her heart transforming into a shimmering crystal that Him places on a stand in his study as a new mother forms from the ashes of the marital bed. In this way, He is revealed as the collector of countless women’s hearts - He is essentially a Bluebeard figure (with the study functioning as his forbidden bloody chamber), and the central tragedy of mother! is that the heroine is offered no escape from him. In keeping with Aronofsky’s dim view of existence, the relationship between Mother and Him is destined to repeat itself in an unending cycle of destruction and rebirth. We are all doomed to repeat the same mistakes, being nothing more than the playthings of a capricious God.

There is no sense of lessons learned or mistakes avoided here, and one of the greatest injustices on display is the sheer contempt with which Mother is treated. Aronofsky has been open about the fact that mother! is an environmentalist film, and the vitriol that Lawrence’s character is dealt with is, of course, a statement on how we treat the Earth. But it is also effective precisely because it frames this contempt towards Mother Earth as a very specific kind of contempt - misogyny. The misogyny is most overt in how the avatars of humanity treat Mother, with their subtle disapproval, judgement and objectification building and building until they overflow into a riot of violence and verbal abuse at the film’s climax. The allegory is three-fold - we are witnessing contempt for women generally, contempt for women as a force for creation (in everything from the mundane sense to the divine one), and contempt for nature as a maternal force.

Some commentators have misconstrued the film’s depiction of misogyny as evidence that the film itself is sexist, but I could not disagree more strongly - Aronofsky’s film is a pin-sharp deconstruction of how society treats women, and it is uncomfortable because it is meant to be. Misogyny is real and it is ugly, and by depicting its evolution across a spectrum ranging from a disapproving look to seething violence we are being forced to confront it. The film is entirely told from Mother’s perspective, which makes the brutality and cruelty of her treatment inescapable - she is the only character we can truly feel empathy for, with her suffering registering on an acutely visceral level because it is portrayed so intimately.

While the film offers its characters no escape from a cycle, I like to think that Aronofsky designed mother! to be as shocking as it is in order to confront us with some of the hardest truths - the truth of how we treat the Earth and the truth of how we treat women. Too much cinema is the audiovisual equivalent of junk food, encouraging passive and unthinking consumption. The very fact that mother! has inspired such emotional responses - from passionate hatred to profound admiration - is testament to the fact that it did exactly what it set out to do by jolting people from their complacency.

[televinita]

“Oh, I am...so very angry I am going to find someone to kill just to prove [him] wrong.”

By popular demand (mine and no one else’s), this is a repost from 2011, as threatened in the preceding post, about the series finale of Medium from before I had a Tumblr, because the three people on Tumblr who also watched this show might commiserate.

2011

WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL, MEDIUM.

Let's begin with the foreign concept of cursing that a show was not canceled sooner (specifically with last year's beautiful, one-and-only non-catastrophic season finale), because no amount of season 7 joy was worth this. I can't even -- remember when NBC canceled this series, and before CBS picked it up, it was going to end on the cliffhanger of Allison in a coma after the removal of a brain tumor, possibly never to wake up, and I assumed that was the worst possible tragedy on which the series could end?

HAHAHA. FALSE. What quaint times. I know none of you watch this show, and many of you have never even seen it. But I may need some help picking up the shattered pieces of my soul, so could you come back here and walk me through my grief if I clumsily recap along the way? 

7x13, “Me Without You”

Allison: I don't even know if there is a me without you. So, the first thing they do is kill off Joe. For those of you who don't know Joe, he and Allison are one of the few completely normal, middle-aged married couples (complete with three daughters aged roughly 7, 13 and 18) on TV still utterly and completely in love. Much has been made of the realistic depiction of this TV family, and much as also been made (by me) of how ridiculously loving and domestic they are every week. "Soulmate" has gotten thrown around in the dialogue. Speaking of souls, let me just real quick punch you in yours.

Anyway, back to that part where he has a first-grade daughter: Not 5 minutes into the episode, Joe is flying back from a business trip and calls Allison at 4 in the morning to let her know they've hit a rough patch and they're landing earlier than expected. "Rough patch" turns into "crazy plane-shaking turbulence" as he's talking to her, which in turn escalates quickly from "We're fine" to last shouts of "I love you!" and Allison screaming into the phone as the line goes dead. Then we flash forward to 7 years later, addressing the anniversary of his death. What. I mean, not what, because the pre-credits sequence is always a dream. Sometimes it turns into a full-episode dream, like when Allison died in last year's finale, and then a few minutes from the end we rewind so that she can wake up with the knowledge to prevent whatever terrible crime/criminal would have set this unbearable chain of events in motion. No biggie, probably. What follows is a whole episode of 2018 Allison suddenly having dreams that, amidst a high profile court case (having since finished law school and gotten hired as an A.D.A.), Joe is alive somewhere in Mexico -- he just washed up on a beach with amnesia and doesn't know who he is. Oh good, you think. She's having this dream so that she'll know to either warn Joe off the plane, or be able to find him ASAP instead of assuming he's dead for 7 years. All is fine and dandy, complete with epic reunion, until it's not. Because less than 10 minutes from the end, she finally wakes up in 2011 time to find Joe in the doorway, sadly telling her that he tried to send her a dream showing her she could still have a full and complete life without him. The problem is it didn't turn out quite like he intended, as she altered the course of her dream with her Epic Denial. Her response is along the lines of "I do not understand this crazy nonsense, silly husband. I haven't seen you in a week, get over here and let me hug you."   Sorry, not possible. Because he's dead. For real dead. His plane went down just like we saw, and this is his goodbye. I, meanwhile, am all, "WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY. IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE. STOP JERKING ME AROUND AND DO THE MAGIC TIME-REVERSAL THING ALREADY. WE STILL HAVE SOME TIME ON THE CLOCK SO I KNOW THIS TO BE A LIE. RIGHT?"   41 years later (Me: WHAT?! WHY DO YOU KEEP GOING FORWARD? WRONG WAY! WRONG! WAY!) Allison, an old woman now, complete with great-grandchildren, finally passes away. And then we're supposed to thrill and be overjoyed that as soon as she realizes she's dead, there's Joe in the corner, waiting for her as promised. Spinning camera work, swelling music and about a hundred hours of true love's kiss proceed to pull some punk-ass season-4-Ghost-Whisperer BS about the power of love transcending death. APPARENTLY THIS IS SUPPOSED TO DISTRACT ME FROM THE FACT THAT JOE DIED IN 2011, LEAVING BEHIND THREE DAUGHTERS (ONE OF THEM VERY SMALL AND ADORABLE), AND MAKING HER A WIDOW FOR THE NEXT 40 YEARS. NOPE. DON'T THINK SO. What seems like a really good solution right now is dousing myself in oil, lighting myself on fire and running off the edge of Minas Tirith, because this trauma has snapped some crucial threads in my brain. It feels like a cosmic joke, that the way this show, ever my sweet and unassuming little family/psychic/crime drama hybrid, is bowing out after 7 years is to leave a bleak, horrible wake by killing off half the anchoring partnership. Because whatever they're aiming to promote about Allison having a fulfilling life and the beauty of them being meant for each other and in love forever, this does not change the part where she actually experienced that horrible tragedy and is facing life without her other half of 20+ years, and the girls just lost their beloved, amazing dad.

And since we started this post with a Dr. Cox quote, let’s end it that way. This seems like very clear proof that people are bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. There might be one more feelings-explosions post if I can force myself to watch it again, but I don't think I'm bothering with an actual plotty-type review. Because I am on my DESPAIR BOAT, sailing away from the ship.

[plant-akki]

Underground Gang!

• Nanami's the guy in-charge of their makeup but he got recruited to act too because the director found his personality... interesting. He barely had to act differently from how he's like at default save for when he's handling weapons (dainty hands & all 😂)

• Like mentioned, Zakuro looks up to Sakura for being a talented actress from a young age. Though because of her busy schedule, the two were kinda.. distant to each other. Zakuro was overjoyed when they got to work together for this project but then realized he didn't.. exactly know how to act around her & neither did she with him.

• Hiro was another kid who looked up to Sakura & got into acting because of her, though he treats her more as a rival & tries to best her whenever they have scenes together but in the end, he just keeps getting flustered with the way Sakura easily takes his quips in a stride.

Tokyo Gang! (+ Sumire & Rectory)

• Hinoki was an actor that Karin worked with when she was five. They hadn't worked together ever since, until NakaGeno anyway.

The group wanted to keep his presence a surprise so all the scenes where he was included were done when Karin wasn't around. (Since the director wanted to make their reunion to be genuine to an extent).

• Shizuha's an actress who's in a lot of projects that Karin was also in. They were on friendly enough terms that Karin was willing to talk to her about her past experiences as an actress. Shizuha, remembering that Hinoki had been looking for a new project to take on & Karin expressing sentiment of wanting to work with him again, made an arrangement with the director to have him be included in the cast of NakaGeno.

Shizuha's a bit more devious than her role in the series but otherwise, she's pretty much generally the same. Same goes with Hinoki minus the hyperfocus his role had on Karin's role. (Funnily enough, Karin talked more about Hinoki than the other way around, mostly because the time they worked together had been her debut role)

• Sumire's an actress that gets paired with Makino a lot in other projects. Though this time, it was some random child (one of Himiko's brothers with a wig) who had scenes w/ her.

(Makino jokingly remarks that their streak was finally broken, Sumire lightly smacks him for that). Makino's 18-19 in this au while Sumire's in her early 20s.

• Rectory handles their costumes but got interested to join too after seeing how lively their group was during practice sessions. She even dragged Ichiya, her boyfriend, with her when they auditioned.

They found out that Ichiya was naturally.. more skilled at acting than Rectory. She was the one enthusiastic about it but for some reason it was all a miss for her.

Rectory was frustrated at this & kept talking about how bad her acting was & while Ichiya didn't deny it, he told her about her good points instead. They found out eventually that her main insecurity was her face & how boring & plain she thought it was. Ichiya had to admit that her quirky personality didn't really.. match her face & he would've never found out about it if they never became partners in college since she was the type of girl that was easy to miss in a crowd. (Actually this gap was what made him drawn to her lol).

The group had been thinking of a way to deal with this insecurity of hers, when Akki made the suggestion of her &.. other people wearing masks. That way, no one had to see her face & she can freely act the way she wants to w/o having anything hold her back.

There was a huge improvement after that, although they found out too that she was quick to revert when she didn't have a mask on. Which was okay, they let her continue on like that, all the while making steady progress to improve her acting without a mask on, since the director wanted to set a crucial moment for once she does take it off in the series.

(It was Rectory's idea that Ichiya be part of her mask gang too, mostly because she wanted to be together with her boyfie 💖 )

NakaGeno but it's a play & Akki is an actor who has to act shady for his role as the lead

yes the text is from A3

[fractal-fourcube]

Okay. I’m ready to talk about this now. First, a few thoughts:

One: Aku televising his old opening was a stroke of genius and I honestly yelled out loud. That was brilliantly meta.

Two: I was overjoyed to see just who and how many people came to Jack’s aid. It was beautiful and I cheered.

And three: to me, personally, that last battle with Aku was a little disappointing. There. I said it. It did not feel like the hardest, most grueling challenge Jack has ever faced, which is what it should have been. That episode held my undivided attention and at the end of the day I’m still glad I saw it, but…it did not have the scale I imagined.

But honestly, I can understand why I and other people feel this way. After 13 years, no finale could have possibly been completely satisfying. I’ve only been watching Samurai Jack for a few months and it didn’t measure up to the grand conflict I had in my head. But I really think that’s actually a testament to the sheer power of this show, that it can inspire visions like that.

This is why I’m glad that the endings suggested by “Jack and the Traveling Creatures” or the comics exist. Those offscreen endings have that crucial something we imagined. I can’t put a name to it, exactly, but the difference is undeniable. 

Here’s the thing: this is just the way it works in the show itself. Jack is a hero, in the purest sense, and like many heroes much of what he is comes from what people imagine him to be. We’ve just been doing the same thing, watching his story and letting it build and build and build inside until he’s something much greater than he could be on his own. I’m not talking about Jack as a character, I’m talking about him as an archetype, an ideal.

I was on the Samurai Jack subreddit just a bit ago, and one of the users said something that’s very pertinent, I think. They noted that some of the last words said in Season 5 are “I cannot exist without Aku”. In my opinion there is a lot of truth to this–for not just Ashi but the show itself. Samurai Jack is a story about the everlasting struggle between the forces of light and darkness: a story we’ve all heard before, but we need stories like that. My point is that Jack changed everything when he killed Aku. He erased not just Ashi but an entire world. It was for the greater good, but the loss still weighs on him–you could see him realizing how much had disappeared as Ashi faded in his arms–and on us, as well. Because that was the show, that was our experience: Jack vs. Aku, Light vs. Dark. And now it’s all gone. It disappeared with Aku and Jack’s memory is all that is left. And ours.

It’s okay to feel sad that the battle is over, it’s okay to feel happy, and it’s okay to feel both at once. I know I do. 

Because of all this, I’m really glad of Samurai Jack’s diverging endings. Time and timelines are a major presence in this show, so don’t see the endings as inconsistencies or annoyances, see them as a gift. Not only does the entire world of Samurai Jack spring to life again whenever you return to watch the story, but you get to choose where and how it ends and thus what you take from it. 

Did the ending of season 5 provide the closure you needed? Wonderful, you have an ending about sacrifice and starting anew, a series in which Jack got to return precisely to where he began, but wiser. An entire future was lost, but so was all the suffering that came with it.

Do you read the comics? That’s an ending about solidarity and the power of a cause, the triumph of people coming together to fight for their future because one man inspired them. Watch them charge to Aku’s stronghold and know that the final battle was truly legendary.

Do you believe that the Portal Guardian was trying to tell us that the end of Jack’s story was not for us to know? That when Jack took up his father’s magic sword, that he also took on a burden he would never be able to lay aside? An eternal conflict between samurai and demon with a resolution shrouded in mystery makes for a potent, enduring symbol. One that was finally broken in the last episode of season 5. Some people may feel like they need it back. 

It’s hardly gone at all. The battle is over but it’s also going on and on, every time you watch the story again. These endings are all real and powerful and have something to give to us. Nothing is over, and nothing is lost, that’s the true beauty of a show like Samurai Jack. That future is all ours.

[nofomoartworld]

Hyperallergic: After a Dakota Ceremony, Dismantling of Controversial Sculpture Begins in Minneapolis

Signs near the site of Sam Durant’s “Scaffold” (2012) as workers dismantled the sculpture on Friday (all photos by the author for Hyperallergic)

MINNEAPOLIS — The Walker Art Center originally planned to open the renovated Minneapolis Sculpture Garden over the weekend, but instead the garden, a partnership between the museum and the city’s Park and Recreation Board, became a site of prayer and demolition. At 2pm on Friday, elders from the Dakota community led a ceremony of healing and blessing of construction workers, who subsequently began dismantling Sam Durant’s imposing sculpture “Scaffold” (2012).

As Hyperallergic reported previously, criticism of the sculpture erupted on May 26 in response to an open letter by Walker Director Olga Viso, in which she expressed regret for not anticipating how the work would be received in Minnesota, especially by Native audiences. A comment about capital punishment, Durant’s sculpture employs imagery from seven historical gallows used in hanging executions sanctioned by the US government. Its reference to the structure used to hang 38 Dakota men in Mankato, Minnesota at the end of the US-Dakota War in 1862 struck a chord for the local native community, and particularly for Dakota people.

Sam Durant’s “Scaffold” before Friday’s ceremony

“The 38 Dakota were brutally executed by the US government, with virtually no due process rights afforded them, in a manner that is more vigilante justice than justice, based upon the rule of law and basic human rights,” said Cheyanne St. John, a Lower Sioux Indian Community Tribal Historical Preservation Officer, in a statement presented at a press conference at the Walker last week. “These men fought a war instigated by a series of broken treaty promises, perpetuated by the US that led to starvation and desperation for our ancestors.”

In addition to the 38 men executed in Mankato, protesters have been using the phrase “38 + 2” as a way to include two additional men who were hung later at Fort Snelling, which was the site of a concentration camp that held Dakota survivors of the war before most of them were banished from the state. Calling those past events a painful part of the history of the Dakota people, St. John said that they “were not something to be depicted in a sculpture garden next to a giant rooster or a spoon with a cherry.”

A Ceremony of Healing

The dismantling of “Scaffold” began after a ceremony on Friday. Prior to the ceremony, Dakota elders Art Owen and Sheldon Wolfchild spoke to press and members of the public, describing how the ceremony was meant to offer healing and also protection for the workers who would be taking down the sculpture. According to neutral mediator Stephanie Hope Smith, the construction workers were from the Native construction company Straight Line Construction.

Dakota drummers perform before Friday’s ceremony at the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden.

According to Rory Wakemup, the director for the local Native gallery All My Relations, Straight Line is owned by Louis Peters of Lower Sioux. “He and all his employees are descendants of the 38 + 2,” Wakemup said, adding that other construction workers from PCL Construction would also be on call for backup and support.

Describing the ceremony that was about to take place, Art Owen, from Prairie Island Indian Community, said the ceremony would help heal some of the wounds that had been reopened as a result of the sculpture’s installation. “This has opened up some doors that we have been traumatized by over the years,” Owen said. “For some of our families this is nothing new. Dakota people are very resilient people. We have done so much to get here. So on behalf of the Dakota elders here, there are things that have to be said and have to be done to close this door.”

“We are asked to say that this is a negative energy that we are feeling at this moment,” said Sheldon Wolfchild, a descendent of the Dakota 38 + 2. “In our belief system, we do not practice in negative energy. It’s all positive. And so the spiritual elders have said the sooner we remove the scaffold, the sooner we get rid of negative energy.”

Dakota elders speak at Friday’s ceremony at the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden

Friday’s ceremony involved burning sage and an offering of loose tobacco, which was handed out to the elders and Dakota community who were in an enclosed area near the statue, and to the larger group of people who had come to observe. After leading a prayer of the four directions (where people were invited to face north, south, east, and west), Owen asked people to return the tobacco with their prayers, and said it would be taken to Bear Butte, South Dakota, as an offering of healing and also as a prayer for the workers removing “Scaffold.”

Following the ceremony, Sue Goodstar, an elder Dakota woman who has been involved in meetings about the sculpture’s fate, told reporters she had not believed “Scaffold” would actually come down until she heard the sound of the first chainsaw. “After that, it was uncontrollable tears,” she said. Then, when one of the workers threw the first board down to the ground, Goodstar said she felt herself crying. “With each song that was [sung], the harder I cried,” she said. “I’ve never been so overjoyed, so relieved, and so proud ever in my life as when that first board came out.”

Scrambling to Fix a Mistake

After realizing its misstep, the Walker announced last week that the sculpture would be removed and that mediation with Dakota communities would take place. A statement posted on the museum’s website states that the wood from the sculpture will be taken to the Fort Snelling area to be ceremonially burned.

However, because the Dakota are an exiled community, some live in other areas and states, including South Dakota, and all of those groups need to be consulted too about the plan for what will happen next. Additionally, there are regulatory challenges due to Fort Snelling’s location very near the Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport.

According to public relations manager Jessica Kohen of the Minnesota Historical Society, which operates Fort Snelling, the various parties will meet this week to figure out the next steps. However, who will be present at those meetings has not been finalized, according to Kohen.

Sam Durant’s “Scaffold” early on Friday as workers began dismantling it and at sunset, with only its metal framework remaining.

A Dose of Shame

David Cournoyer, who is Lakota and a Rosebud Sioux tribal member, expressed an unwillingness to let the Walker Art Center off the hook for its handling of the sculpture and the controversy surrounding it. “I would love to see the emails and the internal documents,” Cournoyer said, referring to the museum’s process and procedures for acquiring the work. “[Olga Viso] had her eye on this for five years. She didn’t talk to one Indian? She knew. She had to have known. But you know what? She didn’t care. Standing Rock has been on the front pages for a year and a half. They know this and they didn’t give a shit.”

Cournoyer also expressed frustration with Sam Durant receiving credit for his apology and subsequent actions, including transferring his intellectual property rights for the piece to the Dakota. “Meanwhile he walks off — you know he’s been paid in full,” Cournoyer said. “He’s got this street cred now. In his head, he’s super benevolent. It’s a win-win-win for everybody.”

At the press conference last Wednesday, Durant described the process of meeting elders from the Dakota as “a powerful, moving experience.” “We are setting incredible possibilities for the future,” he said. “I’ve just learned an incredible amount. I’ve done historical research and archival research, but I had not met with the people who had been living with this history for 500 years. … I just want to apologize for the trauma, the suffering that my work has caused in the community.”

The Minneapolis Sculpture Garden at sunset on Friday, with the remnants of Sam Durant’s “Scaffold” on the left

At the same press conference, Viso admitted that the Walker’s process in placing “Scaffold” in the Garden had been flawed. “I apologize that we were not sufficiently aware of the implications of its placement or sympathetic to the pain and suffering that it would elicit,” she said. The disconnect that left both the artist and the Walker oblivious to the sculpture’s potentially painful meaning for Dakota and Native people speaks to the need for Native people to tell their own stories, as many Native critics have pointed out over the last two weeks.

“We need to tell our own narrative,” Rafael Gonzales, an anti-Dakota Access Pipeline activist and a descendent of the Dakota 38 +2, said in an email. “If non-Native allies are willing to teach our history, it is crucial that they spend time with our people and consult with us on appropriate ways of doing so.”

While it is still unclear when or where the remains of “Scaffold” will be burned, or if something else will happen, Gonzales is glad the sculpture has been taken down. “Our community did a great job of shaming the Walker Art Center and Sam Durant for this distasteful and hurtful portrayal of our history,” he said.

The post After a Dakota Ceremony, Dismantling of Controversial Sculpture Begins in Minneapolis appeared first on Hyperallergic.

from Hyperallergic http://ift.tt/2sxBc6a via IFTTT