#might not have thought about this before? idk. not sure who im rambling to or why i even added specific tags lmao

[serendipitous-girl]

𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐢 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫

⊱✿⊰ summary: riddle's mother had many rules for him one of which: focus on studies and forget about love.

⊱✿⊰ warnings: forbidden love except its jst bc riddle is silly billy, i wanted this to be romeo and juliet coded kinda but it doesn't work that well. Omg unless i make it like reader if from the rival school and riddle loves her teheheheh ahem ignore that, reader is yuu and should be gn (correct me on mistakes but be nice or i will ignore u) mild spoilers for book one!

⊱✿⊰ notes: i have no notes bc i started rambling in the warning section uh i think im high off of oxygen. might make a part two idk confessions perhizzle??

riddle lived his life on certainty. he woke up every morning, knowing exactly what he would wear and eat. he knew who would be troublesome and what classes he would be attending. he knew everything down to each very specific detail. which led him to believe in one more certainty: he was allergic to you.

he had to be! why else would his heartbeat accelerate so quickly? why else would his hands feel all prickly and warm whenever you grabbed them because your excitment bubbled out of you. why else would his stomach feel like it was being dropped to his feet whenever you smiled at anybody else other than him? it was the only logical decision.

"uh, no riddle. you're in love." trey had commented one day, after the housewarden had finished complaining about his strange encounters with you. riddle assumed trey was joking, riddle didn't fall in love! he had studies and other important things to do, he had no time for such foolish affairs.

he felt his gaze follow your movements across the dining hall, as you dished out some tuna for grim to eat. riddle grimaced, internally cursing himself for his face heating up. stupid allergic reaction.

he just about flung his lunch tray when you spotted him, bouncing merrily over. he was going to die and you were the causation. surely there was some sort of rule you were breaking for making him feel so entirely insane. it was like being overblotted again except this times it because you were sending him to an early grave.

"hi, riddle!" you giggled, plopping down in the seat beside him. how could a magicless being trapped in the wrong world be so merry and joyful? how were you so....beautiful?

riddle clenched his fist at the sudden thought he had, accidentally squeezing the juice box he had in his hand and making the liquid come squirting out. he gasped at the sudden sticky mess, his cheeks turning as bright as the roses the queen loved so much. how dreadful.

"hello, [reader]." he said, trying to stop his voice from shaking. you didn't notice anything, thank the great seven for that. although you were still looking at him strangely for the juice mess he had created.

effortlessly you grabbed some napkins, cleaning up the table before grabbing his hand to clean the liquids on him. he froze, every nerve ending in his hand getting immediately set on fire.

abruptly riddle stood up, knocking the napkins out of your head accidentally. with a curt thanks he scurried off, walking stiffly like his muscles has suddenly turned to concrete.

with steam practically radiating off his face he marched to his room, trying to prevent the allergic reaction from taking dire affect. he had to be rid of all relations with you, he must! or else surely he would die from your close proximity or your melodic laugh or your pretty face or-

see, you were even deluding his thoughts. whatever disease you have cursed upon him was nothing less than burdensome. he needed to be rid of it, of you immediately.

lori © 2024. please don't copy, modify, or do anything weird with my writing! i like reblogs and comments but please be kind as this was my writing.

[potato-lord-but-not]

idk if it's unpopular or just nobody's considered the concept or maybe i am just too fond of medical knowledge but one of my takes is, if Arthur remains blind when John gets his own body his left hand to the elbow and right foot that John used to control are somewhat numb. It's a lot like when your legs fall asleep, a warm cold feeling, but no pinpricks and you can move them but not as coordinated or presise. More important to note however is this means if Arthur gets hurt in these places it is incredibly hard to notice, any should be pain is far away and feels like vague pressure. It seems and likely seemed small. There is a good chance Arthur would not even bring it up because he thought in a couple days that turned into weeks that maybe he was imagining or it'd go away on its own, but like leprosy thats how it does the most damage. And of course being blind doesn't help and it starts becoming scary. In the right time of year or being on the job, most people who don't experience pain rely on the sight of blood, a bruise, something visual, but how do you know youre bleeding if it feels no different from the sweat that drips down your neck and back? And if youre wearing particularly dark colors how many strangers are likely to notice if your sock takes on a red hue before you notice a squelch when you step? Just like his eyes if Arthur even went to a doctor, coaxed into entering an office and being patronized for a lack of symptoms the most likely conclusion would be Psychosomatic. If he's lucky told stress, but more likely that it's all in his head (ironic in a way, yeah that thing in his head was named John and likely the one who brought him here but hes not in there now is he?). But even if thats the issue being in your head doesn't mean you don't get bruises, cuts and scrapes. It means you don't stop putting weight on a foot when you step on an nail and it pierces far beyond the sole of your shoe. It means you might not notice a cut on your arm has become infected until you come down with a fever and the only thing you can say to explain yourself is "It didn't feel painful. I thought i was managing." the second half of that statement feeling like a lie because if anything you were drowning the moment you realized you could spend all day walking around and have no idea you were injured. It means at the end of the day even if you didnt want to be a bother, there is such a heavy comfort in someone rolling up your sleeve and making sure if anything is there that its cleaned, and bandaged. And maybe its also a comfort for them to grab that same hand and give a slow deliberate squeeze that your can't reciprocate but you can feel it, and know that one isnt hurting you. Anyways im rambling that's it thats the concept take notes, im telling you there is so much potential here. Im so normal about this concept

good lord absolutely no notes just everyone read this

[xdeewolfx]

About rambling on about your day at trww screening, I would love to hear about it!

anon i love u ..... i'll put it under a cut cuz this might get long winded i love talking thank u

SO i went to the uh, august 12th ? the real will wood screening in new jersey last year. i think it was the last of 3 or so shows that day so it was taking place later in the evening. i got there uh Way Stupid Early because i wanted NOTHING to go wrong (i have chronic bad luck). the nice people at the movie theater were very kind, they let me sit inside and wait cuz it was hot out, they chatted with me a bit, and were just generally really cool people. i sat in the theater lobby for a bit, saw there was a merch table cleared and waiting to be set up. i didnt approach cuz im not That Kinda Person but i was like omg, thats gotta be for trww screening right. some people would come and go out of the direction of trww theater, mostly helpers. but THEN, im sitting there and i see tall guy in hat walk behind the table, rummage around in a bag, and start eating a lil snacky snack. the lobby was kinda dark and im blind as a bat anyway so it didnt click for me in the moment. i tried not to stare, only glanced up a few times. but eventually he looked up too and i was like wait that is THE real will wood. i stayed calm and casual, he waved at me, and i waved back with a sorta exasperated "oh my god, are you will wood?" and he just laughed and nodded. i told him i was there for the 7pm showing, and he (SO very shocked) was like "oh- oh my god? i thought you were here for the matinee!"

so that alone was super fucking cool. i didnt try to keep him or nerd out too much cuz at the end of the day he is just like, A Guy. yeah i really like his music but i didnt wanna be a freak or anything. he walked off and im like keysmashing in the discord group chat to my friends. chris appeared a few times too, walked outside for a smoke or to take a call or whatever. i smiled at him a few times but didnt have any one-on-ones and again didnt wanna be weird and pull him away from what he was doing or whatever.

after a bit, will walks out of the theater and approaches me. he leaned in and whispered "you can just... sneak in, if you want" with like the sneakiest smirk and im like UH ! UH ! UHHH!!!! because holy fucking shit no way will wood himself just offered to sneak me into the showing before the one i paid for? i just thanked him and he walked off, i didn't end up sneaking in cuz i had VIP for my actual showing and didnt wanna risk being kicked out of the theater. i mean, im sure will would have had my back but i just did NOT wanna risk it yfeel.

those were kinda the last interactions i had before one of the theater guys told me i probably wanna go stand outside to line up because people were starting to show up for the show i paid for. super cool of him. he walked me outside and i stood at the front, met some very awesome people, chatted for uh idk how long. time was moving so weird i was so excited.

before the line got too long, i noticed will and chris were sitting on a bench a ways down and i was like shit. h. okay. want to interact, i want to get them each to draw a little doodle in this sketchbook i brought. told myself i'd get will to draw a little black cat (had a black cat named jynx that i love and adore and miss so dearly) and chris to draw a little black dog (had a black lab named Q who i also love and adore and miss so dearly) and i knew this was my chance. sure i could do it at the meet-and-greet part of the vip experience i paid for but like. i knew there'd be a line of people and they'd want to expedite the process so i just went for it. i waited for a good window where nobody else was around so they wouldnt be overwhelmed. i, probably in the most sopping wet of a man way, shyly walked up and excused myself, asked if i could talk to them, to which they were both super cool and chill with it. i thanked them for their time, asked them if they could each draw what i was thinking of. will took the marker first while i explained why a black cat was so important and significant to me, and he listened with such genuineness.

i asked will if i could possibly get this tattoo'd one day, and he said “now i’m going to let you know. maybe some day i’ll strip down naked and run down the street saying slurs. so i might be CANCELLED some day. and if you have this on your body you will be called out on twitter. just so you know” which, funniest fucking response ever. what a fuckin king.

after that, i asked chris to draw a lil dawgie. he was much less enthused about having to draw but he DID it, he did like a step by step narration as he drew, ("how did I manage to make it look like a dick and a vagina at the same time") i told him he was doing great and got a very nervous "dont PATRONIZE me!" but it was all in fun and we all got a really good laugh out of that too i think. all in all both REALLY funny guys and good sports.

after that i thanked them both profusely and walked back to my spot in line. i met and chatted with even MORE people until the actual lineup for the show began. will opened the door and ushered us all in, this time in a different theater than the one he was in earlier in the day. this one was past the merch table, i kinda just walked straight past it to the theater because they werent even selling things yet, just getting things set up. everyone else behind me seemed to linger though, so i kinda just like. stood in the doorway of the theater nervously, not knowing what to do.

will walked up and asked me what was wrong, i told him i was nervous and didnt want to go in there by myself since nobody else was following. hes like, "awh, you're not alone! we'll go in there together" to which i knee-jerk replied with "omg we're besties." not the worst thing i could have said but i did feel quite silly, its alright tho he laughed so hopefully it wasnt like. too awkward LMAOOO.

chris was already in the theater waiting, will told me to sit anywhere so i just kinda sat directly at the front (later i'd learn that i picked the seats directly behind chris and will, pretty neat). some announcements were made as people started filing in, then the VIP part started. i once again was first in line, i didnt really have anything more to say or do besides take a picture with them and get them to sign the drawings they'd done earlier. when i popped open the book for chris to sign his dog, he just "jesus i hate looking at this thing". jokes on you chris i love looking at it. its hanging on my wall riiight now. probably wont get it tattoo'd (sorry) but its okay he begged me not to anyway.

i felt kinda silly and im kicking myself for it a bit, but after this photo chris was like "thanks for comin out and supporting us," and then sorta paused like he expected me to fill in the blank and say my name (in hindsight i realized i. NEVER told them my name.) but i was too jittery and overwhelmed by all the people behind us so i just smiled and walked off. i know they probably wouldnt have remembered my name anyway cuz they met so many people that day but, its like damn ! what if !

i went and got popcorn after that and just watched as people filed in and got pics with will n chris, told nice stories and gave gifts, then it was time for the screening itself. before they shut off the lights, will ran down the isle giving everyone high fives, starting with me since i was right at the front. SO fuckin cool.

the rest of the show was just, ykno, watching The Real Will Wood and sometimes getting gags or commentary from chris and will. at one point, when the song 2012 started playing, a guy next to me shouted the loudest "FUCK!" in time with the song. this got will to sit up and slowly turn around with a puzzled look, then he just "nice man" and gave the dude a high five. there was also a funny gag where someone pulled out a lighter and waved it all slow concert-style to Bones, so naturally everyone else pulled out their phone flashlights and it lit up the entire fuckin theatre. will and chris both turned around and just “jesus fucking christ” because it was SO GODDAMN BRIGHT. theres actually a pic of me doing the flashlight thing from will's instagram story LMAOO, i was honestly in a decent amount of his story shots (im the one in the orange shirt). pretty neato.

i didnt get any videos or pictures during the show itself because 1. its a movie. duh. but also cuz my phone was like, RAPIDLY losing battery and i could not risk it dying in case of an emergency. thats alright tho, im okay with the memories of that being in my brain :]

after the show, chris and will thanked everyone and we all sloooowly filed out to the merch table. since i was at the front of the theater, i was one of the last ones out, but thankfully i got the merch i wanted. bought a tshirt and a few albums. met a few people in line that i still talk to every now and then. at the very end, again since i was one of the last ones to the merch line, chris and will were just hanging out thanking people and saying goodnight. since the picture from in the theater kiiinda sucked lighting wise and was a little blurry, i asked if i could take a selfie with them. they were both really cool about it, i thanked them yet again, and then i was off. i sat in a corner charging my phone while i waited for an uber, and that was the day done :]

thank you for letting me ramble, anon, i love thinking about this day. i have chronic bad luck but everything was going right for once and im so thankful for it. i'd love to meet chris and will again some day, they are such genuine and nice people

[oh-look-another]

whoops my hand slipped so now instead of starting on my lit project due tomorrow i have to analyse the circe saga <3

okay side note: this might go from a full-on analysis to incoherent rambling so heads up. uh also not in any order, especially not chronological. anyway let’s get this party started!! 

puppeteer

okay first one. wasn’t too sold on this one at first (not like the other ones *cough* wouldn’t you like *cough*) but like?? wow

circe’s voice!!

‘a woman’ ‘what’ 

ody just. brushing eurylochus away he sounds so donelike not done just. tired of life. if yk what i mean. like he doesn’t have beef with eurylochus specifically but like he’s just irritated with the world

the soldiers!! like if i were one of them i would have willingly get turned into a pig by circe (but like, i’m not a guy so idk)

the sounds of waves im not sure if it was actually there or just my imagination but still.

the start of the song echoes the melody of the first part of full speed ahead?? like i was singing it in my head before the words of puppeteer actually sunk in

it sounds so party-ish like i can imagine the vibes no wait i can feel the vibes it’s party vibes. i can imagine the soldiers getting drunk on the wine and lust. i can smell the wine. i can hear the music blasting from the shitty speakers hidden in the corners of the too-crowded room. i’ve never been to a party before. you can probably tell.

what was the thing that eurylochus wanted to say tho?? i’m curious. ppl who read the odyssey, was this interaction mentioned or made-up, and if it did happen, is it relevant to the plot? do we find out what he wanted to tell ody?

why is ody’s voice so deep

very gentle waves-esque music at the start. lulls us into a false sense of security. makes us think the island is safe. it isn’t. we’ve all been fooled by circe’s tricks.

‘there’s only so much more we can endure’ my poor boy this isn’t half of it

alternative take: they are traumatised babies we must protect them with our lives

alternative alternative take: and whose fault was that, ody? hmm? was it perhaps, the fault of a reckless captain who decided to fucking reveal his name-

oh my gods the way he just starts straight-up rapping-

‘we have to go save them’ ‘no we don’t’ well damn eurylochus who hurt you like this that was real quick

ody’s ‘damn’ like sir i know you’re contemplating running to said woman in question he sounds seduced already and he hasn’t even met the witch yet

eurylochus’ ‘okay’ sounds really dejected this probably doesn’t mean anything but that’s the point of an analysis so- 

hey hey hey don’t greet the mysterious voice why are you doing that i thought you guys learnt your mistake(s)!!

oh oh oh her voice is so pretty it’s so good!!

she’s so bold and confident she’s amazing ahhhhh

her revealing her name! this says something like yk ‘names have power’ i can’t remember if it was pjo universe or actual facts but the fact that circe’s so sure of her ability to defend herself and her nymphs she gives away her name to ppl freely

oh so that’s how you pronounce circe (i just assumed it had a silent e)

you’re the only one who stayed outside?? hmm? eurylochus? well at least you learnt something

haha the soldiers sound so happy to be there

i don’t blame them tho they’re super tired they just want and need a safe place to rest 

yeah that’s right don’t fucking underestimate women

uhm circe i don’t thing getting turned into pigs is gonna be the best part of these soldiers lives i think the best part passed before troy

no no no do not trust ppl who offer food did you not learn from the lotus eaters are you complacent who has the brain cell eurylochus give it back to the soldiers they need it more

awww thanks for the support circe <3

i would gladly let circe puppeteer me esp mythological!circe she’s so 

‘and it wasn’t quick’ oh. 

uh is this an inappropriate time to make a joke about furries bc pigs don’t have fur and the soldiers are dying-

‘the world does not tend to forgive’ ok lesson imparted from all-powerful being check

eurylochus hi yes you should have learnt not to abandon your friends uh but i don’t blame him tho poor guy just wants to get home (he never will)

‘but i can hardly sleep now knowing what we have done’ haha ody you’re not gonna like what comes next :3

‘i can still hear her still’ ooooh he’s Traumatised he has ptsd :))

‘i can only hope you’ll do the same’ ody go easy on him

oh circe is really protective of her nymphs

as she rightfully should

oh i’m done

wouldn’t you like

whoo my favourite 

like no offense to the others but hermes!!

his voice is so gravelly wow

his laugh sounds so mischievous fit for a trickster god

‘i must say what a brilliant speech u gave’ this implies that hermes was watching them, or more specifically, odysseus, for at least long enough to hear the conversation. which means that there’s a solid chance that hermes was in it for the gossip and stayed for the drama

there’s a betting pool up on olympus. probably. definitely.

‘you’ll need the blessing of a certain god’ when this gets an adaptation, hermes will probably do like a hair flip or something. it’s in character for him to do that, right? right?

he has an accent but what accent does he have

oh my gods hermes that was such an awful pun i had to laugh

‘hermes?’ okay hear me out ody sounds like a mystified child who can’t believe his eyes (or in this case ears)

the laugh 

he sounds more amused than anything else (he doesn’t really care, not right now, it’ll just be another fun tale to tell at parties)

was that a roar i heard?? a roar?? like the chimera?? 

oh oh oh when he’s describing circe he sounds so fascinated by her (probably me to my irl friends) like he doesn’t care? about the fate of the ppl he’s describing? he’s just? like ‘wow circe can do that isn’t that cool anyway-‘

like idk how to describe it

the emphasis he places on certain words it’s so cool to listen to (i’m running out of synonyms for amazing help)

oooooh the electric/techy feel to the song like ik it was explained in one of the videos that the gods have more electronic feel to their songs but it’s so!! cool!!

‘you can be hurt or you can beat her’ the play on words!! wow!! it’s just-

‘all you need’s imagination’ wow uh. this seems important. but uh.

‘and i call this root: holy moly’ hermes. i hate your puns. i hate them so much.

i am now compelled to explain the pun. damnit.

so basically only the gods can acquire the root. was it blessed by the gods? if it was, add a second layer to the meaning of this and ignore the question :)) and it rhymes!! holy and moly rhyme!! whoo

ody’s ‘ah’ he sounds so done

wait but hermes when he says ‘and i call this root: holy moly’ he sounds so proud of himself oh my gods like no that is not something to be proud of that is so awful ugh

‘hermes. thank you.’ oh? he appreciates his help? like he sounds so grateful wow

‘dont thank me friend you may very well die :))’ this further proves my theory that hermes is only in this for the drama?? okay yeah drama

‘good luck’ see it’s an afterthought. but he thought of ody. huh.

two more to go!!

done for

also was very very excited for this

did not disappoint

the intro is basically *epic fight music*

okay ody sounds like he’s smiling but not like a forced smile it might be genuine? like why would it be genuine? okay yeah it might be because he is confident he’s gonna win the fight. he has a god on his sight. it’s failproof. he has the flower. he doesn’t have to be scared. is this hubris?

‘through the years we seldom get a warm welcome’ okay ody. you were fighting a war. then you intruded into a cyclops’ cave. then you angered poseidon. of course you don’t get a warm welcome what were you expecting?

‘who me? all i did was reveal their true form :))’ u turned them into pigs :/‘ ‘huh.’ their banter wow.

*more epic fight music*

see the nymphs again!! she’s very very protective of them!!

‘i don’t mean to tip your scale’ ody stop lying. you did mean to tip her scale.

‘hermes gave it to you didn’t he’ ‘okay well yes fine but regardless-‘ i love love love the friendly banter between them idk but i think that in another lifetime under better circumstances they would have been really good friends

also implied that hermes has done this before so haha

‘friends i can’t neglect’ see i think this whole verse is the similarities between them see they could have been friends i know it i can feel it in my bones

*even more fight music*

the sword sound skjskjskjskjs

‘you’ve lost’ okay uh i think that was albeit too fast don;t you think so, ody? ody?

‘my nymphs are like my daughters i protect them at all costs’ yes see this is what i’ve been trying to say thanks circe

but the rhythm for this verse is so good it’s so ethereal wow

‘but everyone’s true colours are revealed in acts of lust’ circe. circe no. bad circe. stay away from ody he’s a married man

‘i’m not sure i follow’ oh ody. you poor, innocent child.

okay but his voice was so gravelly tho-

idk i don’t think circe was doing this to feed her own lust. like i don’t think she has feelings for ody or anything like i feel that she was doing exactly what she said and trying to find out what his true colours were so she could decide if she wanted to help him

last one!! not gonna like it a lot ‘cause seduction but hey greet the world with open arms am i right?

there are other ways

oh. this one.

i’m not really comfortable with this because there isn’t any point in seduction why does it exist ew

‘there are other ways of persuasion’ oh really? then show me your chimera i bet it’s cooler than whatever you’re gonna do to ody

‘there are other means of deceit’ this shows that circe is gonna convince ody to cheat on his wife but [spoiler alert] he doesn’t (for now) (i think) like deceit as in he’s deceiting his wife

okay i love the repetition here like ‘there are other…’ blah blah blah like wow. i like it. i don’t get it, but i like it.

‘want to save your men from the fire? show that you’re willing to burn’ woah. vfd core. so like this implies that she and her nymphs were planning on cooking the men-turned-into-pigs?? and also it’s a metaphor!! whoo my lit teacher would be proud of me (but less proud for not doing the project which is actual school work)

‘but there’s no puppet here’ okay so this shows that circe views ody as more powerful and resistant to her (and also her magic bc of the holy moly thingy) and less likely to fall prey to her charms (i would) 

ody doesn’t know if he can manipulate his way out of this problem hah

okay dont kill me for this but i think that the ‘just a man’ references in the song feel a bit forced bc they’re like,,, they don’t fit 

but. i think that like it’s ody trying to break out of the spell? that circe put on him to seduce him or smth like before that he was in sync then he tried to fight off the thingy by like going against the rhythm if yk what i mean

the transition from ‘forgive meeeee’ to ‘i can’t’ is so good aghhh

‘and she’s all my power’ ah this here is a clear piece of evidence that ody is the bottom in the relationship 

‘and let us puppets leave’ oh? he’s like sympathizing with her and like trying to see from her perspective so he can leave more easily

‘poseidon, eh?’ haha mood

oh they’re kinda friends whoo :)

‘i know of a brilliant prophet, problem is this prophet is dead’ *music stops momentarily, transitions to very underworld-y music* 

haha wait that was so funny

who was the prophet tho?

‘wait you’re helping us?’ he sounds so shocked

‘maybe one day the world will need a puppeteer no more’ this could imply that circe is suicidal?? whoops am i projecting

no but the genius lyrics said that the last few lyrics were sung by the soldiers they sound like theyre under a spell oh my gods imagine pigs singing this haha i think this is just like circe undoing the spell on them tho

whoo done!!

hi remember i’m just a random teen on the internet! no obligation to listen to me and my 10.37 pm rants! 

[blackheart-6]

dess-ember day 31/31

hi yall

today i bring my final entry!! i cant believe i made it

its a dess ref, but after the events of deltarune, where i imagine she will be freed

fun fact, i actually made the dess ref i still use exactly a year ago, so thats neat ^^

im not sure if I will keep this design for her being older (the age i usually draw her as is like 15 or 16), but i feel like it turned out okay

i made her a researcher (she researches things to do with souls and magic, things that exist in deltarune but arent really known about in my headcanons), but im unsure if it was the right choice. i imagine she got stuck with gaster in the code for a couple of years, but before that she didnt know what she wanted to do with her life. the way I see it, the gaster in the code with her is the one from undertale, so he has a lot of knowledge on magic and stuff, and learning about it was interesting and helpful for her, and after she got out she wanted to share her knowledge and learn more.

as i said, i dont know if this was a good choice of career, considering she wasnt really the type to become a researcher, but she also changed when she was in the code, so idk. i might change it later.

and for her design, i tried to keep her unruly look as much as possible, despite her job. i changed her hairstyle, keeping it short but giving her a side part and little hair pieces in front of her ears.

i also gave her glasses. i imagine shes needed them for awhile, but she didnt want to look like a nerd 😂 now shes just accepted her fate. i also gave her piercings on her ears, just as a callback to some of my older drawings of her, where i gave her piercings there too.

for her outfit, i gave her a pair of basic dress pants, and a turtleneck (because i love turtlenecks a bit too much lol). and then i gave her a green jacket/coat thing, cause i had to keep her with green, ofc.

and for accessories, i gave her a watch (to match with noelles watch), and i gave her a bracelet with noelles sweater colors. i also gave her a white ring on her left hand, because when i looked it up that was where aro rings were (i hope thats accurate lol).

and thats it, my final entry! its so weird that im here, i didnt think i would make it. i thought id get bored, or too busy, or run out of ideas or something, but i made it. there was a lot of struggle sometimes, and there was ideas i had planned that i never got to, but i feel like it really helped me, having this month. ive definitely gotten better at drawing dess, and i feel like my anatomy and posing had gotten better ^^. though, i dont know if ill do this again. it was difficult, and next year ill be in college, so i might be too busy. i guess we will just wait and see 😁

during this month, ive also thought a lot about dess in general. i have so many thoughts and ideas involving her, yet we still have such little knowledge on her. its weird, i have this whole dess created, but one day she will become obsolete, and we will see who dess actually is. i dont know how to feel about it. but, until we actually see dess, i plan to keep drawing my dess, and i might keep drawing her after we see dess, it just depends. even if im nervous to see her, i cant wait either!

but thats enough of my ramblings, im sure nobody read all that, so for a tldr, i just talked about why i designed older dess like that, my thoughts on my dess-ember, and my thoughts on dess ^^

i hope yall have a wonderful new years!! 🥳🥳

[asterzratz02]

BIG MAGNUS PROTOCOL SPOILERS FOR EP 1 AND 2! YOUVE BEEN WARNED!

Ok I have a theory. Has this already been posted? Probably, but I'm brain rotting.

It's mainly based off of this bit in the transcripts (pls note im getting my transcripts from the unofficial transcript archive, however as far as I know these transcripts are still accurate and the the same as the official transcripts)

This is literally from the first episode, the first non-spoken lines are about a computer listening. No, sorry not listening eavesdropping. As a writer you wouldn't use the word eavesdropping unless it was ment to personify something. Maybe I'm looking too much into this, but like- this is only where my decent into tmp madness starts. Ofc Norris and Chester being voiced by Jonny and Alex heavily implies that some part of Jon and Martin's soul has been transferred into the computers, or programs, files, or whatever you wanna call it. There's not quite enough info to determine how much of them is trapped in the computers, but im quite certain more than just there voice is trapped. There's emotion in the voices, especially Martin's (because ofcourse there would be, my favorite poet-) once again personifying the computers. Now, im not sure if the eavesdropping computer was 'Norris' or 'Chester' or even 'Augustus.' At first I though 'Oh well lots of people are theorizing that Augustus is Jonah and I was convinced. Not the mention that supports my connection to the eavesdropping computer. Because ofcourse, Jonah would be eavesdropping, especially seeing as we're all theorizing that Gwen is related to Elias. (Bouchard lastname)

NOW. HEAR ME OUT. The Bouchard lastname isn't inherently connected to Jonah Magnus. Before Elias was possessed by Jonah, he was just some guy. I can't remember excatly what ep of mag that's in, but I distinctly remember someone mentioning how odd it was that Elias went from a low level position at the institute with issues of some kind? I forgot what kind? Anyways what I'm trying to say is while yes, it makes sense that Elias and Gwen are related, that doesn't mean Qwen has anything to do with Jonah. Especially since as far as I know, Jonah was obliterated. Like... he's gone gone- and this universe were listening in on is most likely (this might have been confirmed, I'm unsure) a whole alternate universe from the one the magnus archives took place in. Wait I think it was confirmed? Seeing as it burnt down in 1999 in this universe as far as I recall, and the tma podcast takes place in the mid 2010's. So pretty sure tma and tmp take place in different universes, tied togethor via the web. Think spider man into the spiderverse if your confused. (Sorry im really just rambling at this point)

Anyways. Now I'm thinking, the Jonah Magnus in the tma universe was destroyed.... meaning Augustus probably isn't Jonah? HOWEVER. I just though of something. Was the Jonah Magnus in the tmp universe destroyed??? Maybe he's just some guy who died before coming to use the power of the watcher, but... maybe not? Ok so... the main question I'm left with then is who's useing the computers to eavesdrop? Maybe it is this universes Jonah, whoever he's possessed this time... my bets on Lena, but that's a whole other theory that I don't feel like going on a tangent about rn. Maybe it's Chuch, Norris, and/or Augustus. Maybe Augustus is Annabelle? Idk.

Anyways, I'm gonna use this as a thread and add onto it the more thoughts I have on this :3

[jadebread64]

time for me to post my bullshit ramblings on the new doctor who episode in no particular order like a maniac lol

(SPOILERS AHOY, DONT CLICK ON THE READMORE IF YOU HAVENT SEEN THE EPISODE)

obviously seeing tennant and tate back in their roles is so cool, they feel exactly as they should, it doesnt even feel like 15 years have passed when you watch them its great

DONNA CANONICALLY HAS A NONBINARY DAUGHTER AND IM SO FUCKING HAPPY ABOUT THAT

NOT ONLY THAT BUT HER ALSO BEING PART OF THE METACRISIS TIME LORD SHIT IS SUPER COOL

lmao im not even joking when i first saw the meep™ i literally thought "aww it's so cute i hope it doesnt end up being evil" and LO AND BEHOLD

OH MY GOD DAVID TENNANT JUST SUDDENLY PUTTING ON A FUCKING JUDGE WIG AND DOING A COURTROOM SCENE WITH THE MEEP AND THE WRARTH WHILE DONNA AND HER CONCERNED FAMILY JUST OBSERVE

also i think the wrarth voices are so funny cause in the trailers they're like *auurhghghg scary monster sounds!!1!* but in the episode they just sound british like every doctor who space alien should

i think the new TARDIS looks really cartoony and i think it's kinda fun, idk if ncuti is gonna end up with this TARDIS set (i'd imagine the bbc doesnt have the budget to make a whole TARDIS set for 4 episodes then just make a new one lol) but i think it looks kinda plain at the moment? idk if they added some chairs and bookshelves n shit like the capaldi one and make it look more lived in overtime it might be one of my favourites just for the whole classic who vibe it has. either way it's perfect for david he gets to run around like a little kid in there and thats all that matters lol

also tennants new suit looks so fucking good and honestly wish he just had that in series 2-4 instead of the brown suit

i think it's so funny how literally not even 5 minutes after entering the TARDIS donna just fucking spills her coffee on the console and the whole thing just explodes and goes to shit immediately lmao

ALSO WE'RE GETTING A FULL ON TENNANT/TATE ADVENTURE NEXT WEEK???? AM I IN 2008 OR 2023 I CANNOT TELL ANYMORE TIME HAS NO MEANING

im really hoping we get to see whoever the fuck neil patrick harris' character is in the next episode, im 99% sure it's gonna be the celestial toymaker but only because the doctor who youtube account kept posting celestial toymaker clips and i think they're being cheeky bastards lol (/positive)

(/sarcasm) i cant wait to see all the queerphobic assholes shitting on this episode for having the few pronouns/binary lines in it and going "dOcTor wHo iS wOkE nOw yUcK" even though doctor who has been progressive since literally 1963 with the daleks (which got a fancy new colourization that i need to check out still but thats a whole OTHER THING LOL)

oh yeah and david's acting is really fucking good in this, like when he thinks wilf has died and he just sorrowfully says "i loved that man." like MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS

plus when he thinks he has to sacrifice donna to save everybody, holy shit his perfomance is incredible

this is just a me thing but seeing a doctor who episode live as its broadcasting is so cool, i've been watching this show for like 8 years (i think??) and i usually just ended up finding it on dailymotion or some shit like a day or two after the episode aired so i'd always be late for it lol (btw for the people coming after me i dont pay for disney+ at all lol) so watching it the at the same time as everyone else was very cool especially since i nearly slept in through it lmao

anyways i think thats all if i remember any more things i'll add em in lol

plus some bonus ramblings before the episode aired

[weresprout]

HI THIS MIGHT BE WEIRD but . i saw you on @/piquuroblox's page talking about a werewolf sprout au,, hand. hand it over. grabby paws. and i dont just mean art i mean give me All the details werewolf sprout Needs to be known (i dont quite have a werewolf sprout au myself but i do have a halloween party au where sprout dresses up as a werewolf? think i have a doodle somewhere of that but i wave my paw. sorry i ramble haha) (/not forcing anything actually im just being silly. /silly then i guess??)

Hi!!!!!

It's actually a lot more complicated than that <:3

It's mostly a fantasy AU, it's seaglass (Finn/Glisten) centric since me n my friend are very fixated on that ship atm ,, BUT there's some fruitcake and Sprout focus too (bc we also are both fond of Sprout) and we thought. Hey. Wouldnt it be so funny.

The general idea is Sprout is a werewolf, and so is Finn (because I like werewolves and I love Finn. So he gets to be cool) and they just have silent unexplained beef wit each other ,, and it's FUNNY okay it's HILARIOUS I SWEAR

There's a lot of focus on the issues being a werewolf gives you (mentally, physically, etc.) so it has some vaguely triggering topics that I will elaborate on below,, I can't be too specific atm (brain is mush) but there's a Lot

I remember a point of thought I had was like ,, how werewolf shifts probably burn a lot of calories and whether or not werewolves remember to eat before/afterwards likely influences their diet .. suggested vaguely the idea of werewolves that have bad binge-eating habits to cope or will force themselves to eat to compensate, etc.

TL;DR Sprout (and Finn by proxy) probably has an eating disorder of some flavor

And I thought it'd be sweet if maybe Cosmo helps him cope with it to some extent? Since yk. He's a baker. He specializes with Food. Maybe he can help 2 some extent hmhmhm

Sprout also likely suffers from possessiveness/overprotectiveness issues, and that's why he doesn't like Finn, since Finn is close with Cosmo (to some extent) and happens to also be a werewolf, which kind of leaves Sprout standing there like "!!!!!!!!"

We also played around with the idea of there being certain suppressants/some other form of medication that werewolves can take to ease the pain of shifts, but they have certain side effects (e.g repressing other traits werewolves exhibit, like heightened sense of smell)

Finn takes the suppressants due to being bitten later in life, but Sprout chooses not to since he's been a werewolf longer and he feels like it's taking away core parts of who he is and who he chooses to be. Which is controversial because. Yeah

There was also some talk of how werewolves are ultimately animals and likely behave accordingly - mindlessly violent werewolves are fun yk but not very realistic sometimes. We figured werewolf attacks are probably the result of some common issues:

Werewolf is extremely hungry

Werewolf is not in a safe/familiar environment, and all the sights and smells are overwhelming, prompting it to act defensively

Somebody is intoxicated as all hell and does not know any better than to approach the clearly anxious wolf in a corner

Werewolf is attacked FIRST, and the attacker lies about it

Though I'm sure there's probably exceptions where werewolves are just violent. We debated whether or not we wanted Sprout to be a violent one and decided to settle on a kind of between .. he reacts with aggression often but doesn't go out of his way to harm others I think,

There's more. I will add in the replies maybe because I'm Forgetting. And I don't want this post 2 be too long (plus I fear judgement I fear being perceived as cringe despite cringe being dead) so I hope this kind of. Articulates stuff? Idk ???

I have never answered an actual ask before ,,,

[dreamsy990]

hey u have ocs? information?llllong post? please if u have like. info on them? or just doodles idk

hi sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a while bc i keep forgetting it exists but uh!!! sure !!!! theres not much interesting stuff here though so im just gonna ramble in whatever order i feel like. unless theyre like a group or something

so copper and omen my wof ocs probably have the least to say? because i dont have any sort of story for them at all. copper is a silkwing with some anxiety issues and omen is her girlfriend who has VERY bad trust issues. not sure how they get together but i think maybe omen couldve helped protect copper from a disaster and thats how they met? which sort of plays into omens main thing, which is that she's a nightwing who was hatched under a bloodmoon. so within wof lore as stated by our lord and savior tui t sutherland, she can see the future, but only disasters. in my head shes kinda a cassandra or goosefeather figure where shes almost always right about her visions unless something is done explicitly to prevent them from coming true, but nobody believes her. idk i have way less for copper than omen but they are a pair and im not allowed to seperate them.

my other significant wof oc is frostbite. does he exist in the same universe as copper and omen? maybe idk. they might have a cool adventure together with some other characters if i ever feel like it. tbh all 3 of these guys were just design practice for me so all story is just kind of random thoughts. anyways so frostbite was actually adapted from an old character from an rp group i was in. originally he was an icewing/nightwing and a weird old man who hides in the woods and definitely does murder. but hes basically a completely different guy now so thats mostly irrelevant. anyways so the half nightwing part became half leafwing (not on purpose i just forgot he wasnt always a leafwing). and i have a very, very rough idea for his story. for context since idk how much you know about wof, icewings have a caste system for aristocrats called circles, numbered 1-7, and your ranking can change based on how much you "embody the ideal qualities of an icewing", so theres a lot of pressure put on icewings to be as perfect as possible. anyways, i think frostbites dad was probably in the first circle when he had an affair with a leafwing. normally that would probably be enough to get him kicked out of the aristocracy entirely, but somehow (probably through a combination of being close to the queen, maybe as an advisor or maybe just an old friend? as well as having been high ranking for his entire life before that) he was allowed to return along with the son he had with that leafwing, but as punishment dropped to the bottom of the seventh circle. and frostbite is that son! cursed to never feel fully like an icewing, and always struggle to make himself seem worthy of being there at all. hes pretty hotheaded (NOT a very icewing trait, as others love to point out) and while he definitely knows hes getting much harsher treatment than others get for no reason other than his leafwing side, hes still trying his best to fit into society. its not exactly going well for him because it feels like no matter how perfect he is, thats always at least a couple steps behind the worst "real" icewing. anyways, something happens, i dont know how, but he manages to get out of the ice kingdom for a bit, and probably goes on an adventure with some friends, and realizes just how fucking stifling that place was. and then he never goes back. idk hes sort of like winter if he had more daddy issues.

ummm. colorux isnt real. ok but actually colorux is a joke oc i share custody of with ridragon. she is a gremlin, gay, british, and a member of organization xiii. shes probably friends with luxord because luxord is also british. thats it.

MY DND GUYS NATHAN AND DUST!! i have a lot more for nathan so. dust is a tabaxi paladin with an oath of devotion. the campaign she was supposed to be part of was a war one, so i wasnt sure how much rp there was gonna be, so i only came up with enough that i would have something to work with if it ever did happen. so that mostly means her personality. shes probably autistic, she struggles to hold a conversation very well, and very much leans towards the stoic side, although she loves collecting shiny things whenever she can and if you get her talking about her collection she can talk for hours. she also has a strong sense of justice (hence the oath of devotion), and will try to do what she thinks is right no matter the cost. thats dust!! fun fact about her she was NOT inspired by dust from dust an elysian tail them both being cat people and paladin equivalents and having similar personalities and the same name. that was actually a complete coincidence which i think is hilarious.

nathan is probably the one i have the most story for!! so backstory about them, i made him up on the spot for a dnd campaign that sort of fizzled out. i had forgotten to make a character sheet so i just found a list of premade ones and boom!! nathan. theyre a drow rogue and i made them specifically to fit as few rogue stereotypes as possible. i like to think he grew up somewhere around upper middle class, with no real reason to get into crime since it's not like he needed anything in particular, but he was a stupid kid with stupid friends and too much time on his hands!! so he and his best friend who does not have a name im so sorry. my brain is saying maurice and i think thats funny so their friend is named maurice now. anyways so nathan and maurice started doing petty crime as a passtime!! they were pretty good at it too, if you asked them. and then something went wrong. i dont know exactly how it would happen, but somewhere along the line in their stupidest crime yet, things went wrong, and nathan panicked, and ran away, leaving maurice all alone to deal with the cops. what happened? nathan doesnt know. but it fucked him up man. its been like 30 years and hes STILL beating himself up about it. he became a lot more cowardly, avoiding risk and running away from things whenever he can, they try to avoid getting attached to people so he doesnt feel bad when he instinctively pushes them in front of danger so he can avoid it, and hes just generally a disaster. also theyre scared of spiders. i love them.

and uhhh that just leaves angie, rea, and charlotte. so for context, my original idea for these guys was a sort of depressing game about accepting the inevitable, but theyve honestly become way more sweet since then so!!!! angie and rea are reapers, and their jobs are to guide the dead to the underworld. and theyre also roommates! but not gay. angie is aroace. rea is probably aspec too now that i think about it. little bit of fun detail about them, angie tends to take jobs where shes guiding assholes, and she loves trying to make their trips as terrifying as possible. shes not good at being empathetic!! rea on the other hand. is terrible at being scary. so she mostly gets jobs with kids, and she goes through as much effort as she can to make sure they're NOT scared. kind of opposites to angie but idk i think theyre cute. anyways, charlotte is not a reaper. shes actually just a little girl, probably 8-10 or so. reas job is to guide her, but when she gets to charlotte, she realizes charlotte's not actually dead. shes on the edge, she could slip over at any time, but shes not dead. rea realizes if she brings charlotte to the underworld there's no chance she'll ever be able to wake up again, but if she doesn't, then maybe charlotte has a chance. so instead, she takes charlotte home with her, to the inbetween. so oops!! surprise child aquisition. personality wise, charlottes probably that sort of sassy little kid. you know the type. she isnt scared of angie in the slightest!! actually, shes not scared of ANYTHING, if you ask her. idk theyre a fun little trio in my head

theres probably someone else im forgetting buut if im forgetting they cant be that important. anyways im not really in a drawing mood rn but i might add art later. but idk my oc tags are literally just #name (oc) so just do that if you wanna find my art of them. i dont draw them much. also i need to redesign some of them. ALSO I DONT HAVE A CHARLOTTE DESIGN FUCK.

[iiusia]

2, 3, 4, 13, 21, 23, and 24! I WANNA KNOW ABOUT YOUR OLIVIAVERSE YES YES

2. Summarize this au in 5 sentences.

im always so bad at this kinda stuff but i will try my best

olivia saves herself and tries to slowly relearn how to live. eli's been saving himself every day for years. mariam tries to keep them (and herself) together. they love each other so much :(. it'll work out, eventually.

3. Did anything inspire this au?

lichrally any story ive read that has slice of life/bittersweetness TBH!! but for the latest thing id say the line tender by kate allen / après céleste by maude nepveu villeneuve (french book saurry)

4. What is a major change you made?

this story used to have magical realism with birds as a thouroughline but i ended cutting that part out i felt like it was Too Much for this story yk... but i do wanna end up writing magical realism sometime soon

(that's why there's a bird in the parking lot in that snippet i posted a while back!!)

13. Write a lil snippet set in this verse.

thought id give a little uni arc olivia + lauren (for the first time? i think?)

Lauren pulls the headphones away from her ear. "Anybody you want to talk to?" Olivia, who's sitting on the small couch bolted to the side of the ship, gives a dismissive wave. "No," she says, still typing away furiously at her laptop. Lauren frowns and lowers the headphones to her neck. "Are you sure? It's been two weeks. No one that needs to know that you're not dead?" Olivia's fingers still, and she shoots Lauren a quick smile, all teeth. It's somewhat tight at the edges. "Nope," she says, shutting her laptop screen and gingerly setting it aside. "It's fine. I'm going to go get some fresh air. All that screentime is starting to make my eyes hurt." She leaves before Lauren can get a word in edgewise.

21. What makes you most excited about this fic?

i just LOVE writing these guys. you dont understand they live in my head so much that putting them down into words is a relief. like i just think that a dynamic like theirs is so fun to write... its about the deep love its about the loyalty its about the care its about the you-might-mess-up-sometimes-but-i-will-love-you-anyways DO YOU UNDERSTANDDDDDD

23. Do you have other ideas for how to continue this au/other fics that could be written in the same universe?

honestly the way im writing this now its kind of just disconnected scenes for fun yk so i could write Literally Anything... BUT for the sake of answering this question i do want to write more scenes for what i call the uni arc (olivia moves away for uni and everything she's tried to ignore blows up in her face)

24. Ramble about something you haven't gotten to talk about yet.

okay. honestly. been trying to figure it out but i lowkey want to make this story christian in some way?? idk like theres christian poetry there's christian fiction (mostly fantasy) but i havent ever read a christian story with These Vibes you know. i want to write a good story that is also christian!! is that too much to ask!!! i have no idea how .... honestly everything i think of sounds cringe and corny but maybe thats the like. social conditioning talking. fantasy stories have it easy because they can have magic and stuff so its easy to integrate but for this story thats like. the POINT is that its realistic and down to earth and they're all just People trying to get by. i cant really make it an allegory or a metaphor yk? it has to be real .... but then if i say "olivia starts to believe in her uni arc and becomes a christian" that just sounds silly to me!! (or maybe. again. its just that the worlds pov is that christianity is corny and silly and it could actually be good but IDK!!!)

[anzynai]

I JUST FINISHED READING THE TRANSLATIONS FOR BOOK 7 AND GOSHHHH so spoilers under the cut i guess???

azul was in jamil’s dream but was just kinda there,, but ill take azul crumbs any way i can!! at least it wasnt anything bad LOLLL bro called jamil master 😭😭

also vil’s screaming and all that was HILARIOUS i think ive seen ppl say it was bc he had a fear of heights but it seemed more like motion sickness? im not sure, but he was so dramatic i love it.

BUFF EPEL ALSO HELPPPP i used to think iy was actually a fanedit until recently so seeing it in canon was just… unbelievable HELPP

ALSO ROOK I ALREADY SAID THIS BUT HE WAS SO CUTE IN BOOK 7, like the way he gushes abt his interests and even idia relating to him, is so,,, so me. he’s me. I LOVE SAVANACLAW ROOK AS WELL!! he looks AMAZING. also i think he has freckles?? im guessing he like, covers it with makeup or something now but THEYRE SO CUTE.

ALSO I JUST LOVED THE SCENE WITB KALIM LIKE,, coming to the realizations of jamil caring about him as a servant, not as a friend. it wasn’t very addressed so plainly in book 4, so it was really refreshing to see and a big step for kalim and jamil in my opinion!

ANYWAY, since we r going backwards, i am SOOO HYPED FOR OCTAVINELLE’S DREAMS! azul is likely to be last and im looking forward to see his dream the most, but im really curious to see what jade and floyd’s will be! maybe jade’s will be something abt,,, uhhh mushrooms. idk really. it’s a mystery and IM SO EXCITED FOR IT.

ALSO, this is not gonna happen soon but im really interested to see cater’s dream as well! from hints in the story, we can tell that cater isn’t as cheery and happy-go-lucky as he puts himself out to be, but they never directly say it. maybe in his dream, they’ll examine that theme a bit more? then again, he wasn’t the one who overblotted so it might not be that serious? im not really sure but im excited for it anhway!!! IM EXCITED FOR RIDDLE AND ACE TOO!! riddle’s is bound to be pretty good considering how he overblotted, and that seems to be the theme so far, but we know next to nothing about ace.

like, we see who he is on the surface but do we really know what a happy dream to him is? like, his aspirations and all that.

unimportant, this reminds me of the time i was thinking about a danganronpa x twst crossover and STRUGGLED with what ace’s would be. i ended up just picking ultimate basketball player, but it still doesn’t seem entirely accurate. we don’t really know much about the inner workings of his mind or what he was like before arriving at nrc so im really curious to see what his dream will be.

EITHERWAY, im rambling and i doubt many people, if ANY 😭😭, will read this but goshhh i have so many thoughts i love this book so much😭🙏🙏🙏 peace and love guys.

[burinazar]

[some brief suicide ideation mentions in this post] for those kind of newer to the ebilxperience, my mental health has been way waaaay better since like late 2021 to now than it has for most of my life up to that point (people who followed me before then might remember some...intense sadposting). I just haven't really felt...too super bad very often. I feel bad sometimes but not so bad I wanted to die, which used to be a regular problem. The episodes of intense suicide ideation in response to feelings of wasted potential or the inevitability of feeling isolation from other human beings just sort of stopped happening. I would chalk all of this up to unknowable brain chemistry, by the way, and not any external causes I've been able to identify.

At the time that this changed, what also became clear was the inability to get shit done that we had all just thought was depression did not go away when my depression magically cleared itself out of the way. I still kind of really sucked at getting shit done. This is what ultimately enabled the late-ass-and-i'm-still-not-entirely-convinced-im-not-somehow-faking-it ADHD diagnosis from my psych who was like Oh. Actually That Tracks. The things I'm not good at making myself do largely extend to anything that both involve a risk of rejection/hurt feelings, anything that requires some believe I personally 'deserve it' (job apps, asking for references), and things that don't have built-in accountability/deadlines (funny stupid example: i'll do a job app for sure if someone I know referred me to the position and is going to be aware/disappointed if I don't submit it, because that too is a form of fearing rejection! so oops, i hacked my rejection anxiety into making myself take a risk).

As you can imagine a lot of career related and interpersonal activities, as well as various day to day life tasks, fall into a combo of these things. I haven't really been able to fix that and by objective life milestone measures continue to underachieve in both career stuff and interpersonal relationships. But...it hasn't gotten me down for the past couple years, and the biggest reason is I've been able to get a lot of joy out of my art and writing during this time period.

And this....allows me to...kind of avoid having to look at how unfulfilling those areas are. But I really need to...face it.

Because I've become more and more aware that there are people, ones around my general age range, ones who may face similar Brain Issues or corresponding obstacles, that do go and find self fulfillment in more than one of these fronts. I actually got super sad about this last night for the first time in ages cuz I heard from someone who has a lot of interests in common with me but was finding fulfillment on multiple fronts, creative *and* interpersonal *and* career.

And maybe it's greedy of me to want it, but god, the life where I get to do all my silly creative bullshit/wrting/art/pet ownership but *miraculously, also, somehow* have a job and career that I don't feel conflicted and unhappy and 'i never really tried to make my dreams manifest' about, and am able to make new friendships and like date and stuff, I...do think I want that for myself and have been denying both that desire and the fact I might have the potential to achieve it.

idk this is kind of nothing but tl;dr i'm gonna start trying again and just wanted to ramble about it on tungus for a sec

[cecelianonymous22]

(TADC Spoilers!!)

A weird realization i made watching TADC ep 2 (cried my fucking eyes out) is that like

Hazbin and Digital Circus are both extremely Tumblr pieces of indie animation, but in such completely different ways

Hazbin kind of tries to appeal to every "Tumblr demographic" lets just say

The musical nerds, the queers, the people who need a Sexyman for every media they watch, people who like engaging in serious/controversial topics, etc etc

Which in itself isnt bad but as with a lot of things in Hazbin, it really wasnt carried out well

But with Digital Circus, the intended audience feels a lot more specialized yk?

Sure, it has bright colors with toy-inspired characters and silly hijinks, but the intended audience isnt for children or (staying on the whole Tumblr audience thing) isnt for the lucky younger teens who dont know what Amino is

But it doesnt try to welcome every corner of this platform, which is why there are negative reviews: because Digital Circus just isnt made for the majority of people

It's made for the "underdogs" so to speak, the kind of minorities that feel like their voices aren't heard

Sure the standard "Oh this is just a Tumblr cartoon" genre implies queerness, for one thing, which is in the TADC with Zooble (my beloved) and i love their constantly alternating pronouns

But more importantly, what kind of got to me the most, but it's made for the lonely

It's made for those who feel alienated because of themselves and/or their circumstances

Which i think is what is so great about the main character being an autistic woman, not just for the rep, but because Pomni's experience is so intrinsically neurodivergent. All despite the fact that paradoxically (to someone who isnt ND), she is the voice of reasonable confusion. She doesn't understand why everyone else is going along with Caine's shit when they all know they are just people trapped in a digital hellscape who don't remember their past lives.

Its a deeply existential thought, and I'm so glad that in the most recent episode, she has an outlet for all of this existential dread and panic. I cannot understate how moving it is to see Pomni not only pushing past her own problems, but actively utilizing them to help someone else struggling with the same sort of (essentially) nihilism

Not to mention the end of the episode (still trying to keep it vague because the ep just came out), where Pomni realizes that hey, she might not be alone

Idk man

It just speaks to me so much, especially because i have my own sense of deep-rooted existential dread that has gotten so much worse over the past few months

And also because it reminds me of 2-S from Ultrakill, special interest go brr

But yeah

Late night rambling

The hazbin comparison was mostly just because ive been really interested in watching Hazbin reviews lately, and just seeing how these two "Tumbler medias" compare in their themes and audience

Im gonna post this before i delete in the morning because i need to get over my fear of posting random shit on tumblr!! Thats whats its for!!

Anyway i want the gator keychain now

[sirensea14]

ALSO just thought about, this, (ignore my spelling mistakes and such, I, type fast and don't have tb3 patience to fix anything lmfao)

Maybe Mayhem is similar to Sarah as to his they got in5o th4 labyrinth? We do know that Sarah was in a way banished to the labyrinth (if in remembering right) and considering chaos the truth might b3 a chance that alternate universes play a role into his Mayhem even got to this planet, so maybe the angels or whatever saw mayhem causing chaos and banished her to ehever they sent Sarah, since (again, if I'm remembering right) that angels have a weird and suspicious connection to the labyrinth, what might also be th3 reasomctaht knight person that attacked mugs and Micheal I'd there, those 3 (plus Night Terror?) Never were born in the labyrinth, and as far as I can tell the labyrinth can't spawn in alternate version of characters to the degree that is mayhem, and not-cup could potentially be a version of cup ig he fully lost his soul to the devil, like a bad end version, idk I'm rambling but I really like this idea, and maybe the machine is what brought them to this universe, which could also be a minor reason the eye wants cup and mug to wait until they have the machine to fight the boss, since if the machine is capable of accessing alternate universes it could do really anything, maybe that cult has seen it first hand and that's why they were so be my on getting Wilson so they could turn it back on? Maybe bendys family has something to do with this cult? Bendy waking up in a field seems planned, maybe bendys parents wanted him to I stay there because that's where the machine is? What if his parents are looking for him? What if his parents are the ones who burned down the house and pit random junk in the front area before the house was arsoned??? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS AND THEORIES WITH NO EVIDENCE 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Ooh, your take of mayhem's origin as from an alternate universe is interesting. I also had some theory that she was from an alternate universe but i could not explain how lol.

And regarding to the 3 ur talking about, i believe those are the illusions of Lukahd (a lady with hearts around her), Ventis (the one with the sword who violently attacked michael, mugs and boris. Shes also the one who said "dont trust the demons" or smth along the lines in that paradise full of dust zombies) and the Night Terror. And yeah, those werent born in there, they were all some sort of anomalies but satah managed to tame the Night Terror. There are also many other people out there that the Questers saw cuz those people were either from their memories, previous people's memories or from the instrument's own memories that is being projected to them by the labyrinth since it was like a cage whispering your negative thoughts out loud.

Sarah might be similar to mayhem in a way that they are both connected to an ink machine part but im not sure about them being banished in the labyrinth by the angels. Sarah was the one who created the labyrinth and consumed the souls of those in fairmont town which made it an abandoned. And the one who made that seal was Cannikin. Also Mayhem is a cosmic which is equivalent to a powerful being in inky mystery, so i dunno how the angels could interfere with Chaos teaching her how to mess with toons.

And your take on Not-cup was good. He might be the potential bad endung Cuphead but we dont know for now cuz theyre still in recovery T-T or maybe he's just another illusion im the labyrinth, but then that begs the question, how the heck did he get in the tear with mayhem? So yea i dunno about that shit.

And the Ink Machine bringing forth an alternate universe? Uh cant explain that lol. We have only seen a fraction of its power through boris and how the demons want it so badly. And the Eye, not sure about that since theres no much thing revealed about it yet but i think thats sone kind of warning for the cupbros for whatever important action they may take.

And cult, the Cercatori, hmm, they are some shady people put there but i dont know if they want the ink machine cuz the cult was about the Lady of Despair. But that is possible that they may know the ink machine.

And bendy's parents... still left as an inky mystery...

Also if i remember it correctly, the Ink Machine is hiding in the seven sands desert?? That was where Wilson went to before he got chased by the cupbros and eventually crashed a car.

And that arson, there was some unidentified rune that they found in the attic i think? It wasnt angel rune, not micco either, maybe a demon rune??? But still, i aint sure about that, the possible culprit is : a. a henchman of the devil, b. someone from the cult or c. other

Hehe, i like hearing ur thoughts about this :3 Im also prone to conclusions if i dont have enough info at hand but i try to gather some from the wiki, find clues, and maybe reread some significant chapters.

[sphericalbee]

this is long asf and i know it STARTS w me being like 'i should kms' but im gna spoil it for u all and say that's NOT where it goes lmfao im just dumping out all my thoughts

!! very very rambly, not proofread even once, probably makes no sense and is very cheesy

i wrote a fucking novel holy shit LMFAO no hard feelings if u skip

if i can be kinda depressing for a second i think ab killing myself too much for someone who is basically fine (that might be a lie idk i don't feel like thinking ab it more rn) 😭 like the world just has so many issues i dont wna deal with,,, yk? and it would be so much easier to just move on to whatever's next, bc i KNOW ill have a fuckton of debt in college and have to live through miserable relationships and watch the earth fall apart bc our leaders r so incompetent. even now im living through like 5 genocides, insane global warming, a poverty crisis, inflation, and all of this can be boiled down to greed and hatred

also a lot of kids my age are so horrible for no reason and it's sad to think how many people just absolutely suck ass

but at the same time i won't kill myself bc there are people who i wna make sure get through everything alright, and ik i have good things to live through too

so ive compromised and decided i get to shoot myself in the head when im like 60 if i don't have a wife and the world is still a mess 💀 like i don't wna live longer than i'll enjoy it (lets be reallll global warming will kill us all before i have to do anything anyway)

surprisingly, i got a lot better after reading philosophy books? making sense of the world and appreciating the genius of the philosophers, who were ppl just like me, helps

i feel like ive found so many new ways to think ab and experience the world through philosophy. it's a beautiful part of humanity, trying to understand and having genuine fascination about the way things are and what everything means

good music helps too. yerin baek to fall in love with everything and cry over every single feeling you've ever had ever, universe mongae when that's too much and i have to detach

i listen to universe mongae a lot in class bc my classmates fuckingh SUCKK and she sets me apart from my emotions or feeling lonely when im leaving myself out on purpose bc they're not good people

a few days ago, i was listening to yerin baek as i walked back to school from lunch and the world was suddenly so beautiful and i realised how everyone else has a consciousness and worlds just as real as mine and i fell in love with everyone (by everyone i mean like 30 people)

suddenly i couldn't even care how much i missed out on or the people who i wish loved me more because in the grand scheme of things, im allowed to be careless and love without reciprocation and it won't matter because i hold no more worth than a dragonfly... to have zero expectations for what you could and should feel or be and just enjoy yerin's voice in the moment might be one of the happiest moments i've ever had, honestly

yk whats ironic? it was a love song directed as another person that made me realise i could feel love and not care if i was still no one's favorite. life is beautiful anyway because i can love and make it beautiful on my own

not that my state of 'im fine with loving everyone alone' will last very long. i mean,, im just a mammal LMAO i can't deny my own brain chemistry

even just earlier today i finished the math test earlier and accidentally started thinking ab my childhood. idk why it happened but i did

and i remembered how i was so selfish and couldn't let anyone see i was anything less than perfect

there's one memory where i mispronounced a word and a girl corrected me. and i immediately tried to say, "no i know, but my brother says it that way and i do it too on accident". she called me out, obviously, and i rolled my eyes before whispering "it's true though" in the hope that someone would hear and think "oh she actually knew that"

it's sad to think how i used to be. that's from around 7th grade, i think, so i would've been 11 maybe?

up to a few months ago i would randomly remember that and feel insane anger and hatred for my younger self

it seems so foreign to me now and weird that i could hate a child for being brought up with horrible conditions and lacking emotional maturity. i thought that if i could go back in time i would just look at her and feel bad bc i got so much better since then

maybe even love her idk she's not having fun either 💀 do u think she enjoys holding herself to absolute perfection and looking like a dumbass in front of everyone when that's inevitably impossible??

there was another time that made me so sad to think ab

i got dragged along to my brother's friend's birthday party and some kid did smth rude

and i watched as the kid got chewed out by his mom and then went to apologise to the birthday kid

and the birthday kid just said, so seriously, "I accept your apology"

and i remember thinking smth like 'whoa that's cool id be so embarrassed talking like that'

thinking ab that time (i think i was 12ish maybe) is so crazy. like my parents did such a shit job that i thought i had to be SO ALOOF and above it all that accepting an apology was weak and embarrassing?? jesus i cannot wait to move out 💀 ill send them an email when im gone telling them everything they'd send me back to therapy for

ive been reading too much philosophy, and a lot of that revolves around the meaning of life and how to achieve happiness/catharsis. but i think i have my own conclusion of what it means to be happy even without plato haha

ive never been happier than when i began to forgive and understand myself

it feels like i can live as i want and it's not important. one of my favorite quotes is "i could die tonight and hold no more significance than a dragonfly's death". i wouldn't say im a nihilist but i do like the idea that nothing means anything other than the worlds we have in our minds

it's my mission to make those i care about happy and carve out a good future for myself

ive tried to follow a lifestyle of "i work for my future without ruining my present" but ngl i just ended up anorexic literally three times in the past 5 years 💀 idek what i did wrong like DAMN?? chill tf out hggsdhgfsgd i had a panic attack over eating an extra bit of cheese one time

also fuck my parents for giving me no life skills. raising urself is really hard and you end up with so much internalised bullshit

im honestly so proud of myself for turning everything around after 8th grade

i guess i owe a lot to my classmates for not letting me get away w bullshit and caring ab political issues

it's pretty wild that i cry at movies now when last year i was apathetic all the time

i think i like having feelings? pretty undecided still ngl

i think it's a step up

but i can't even talk to my parents ab how they fucked everything up for me and i had to pull myself out pf the absolute trenchessssss or theyll make me do family therapy and ill end up forgiving them which id rather explode than do

anyway ig my point is if you're having trouble with existence or mental health, pls don't give up on yourself. i promise there's people out there who either love you or will in the future and you just need a few quality coping mechanisms to make it through the day

whether that's antidepressants, the powerpuff girls, philosophy (:33 which it should be), yerin baek (which it also should be), or vent art, find ways to make life liveable until you're ok again. bc you always will be in the end

i probably don't know you but i love you because you have a life and a consciousness

please recognise that about everyone

i read somewhere that everything will always be alright in the end and if it's not okay yet, it's not the end either. it sounds dumb and doesn't really make sense (where's the logic lmao site ur sources at least) but it's such a nice sentiment

i think ummm i will go to school and give all my friends a big hug tmrw so pls don't be sad in the meantime

anyway loossemble's new album is good im so happy for them

this is the happiest and healthiest hyeju's ever looked i lowkey wna cry over how well theyre doing ;v;

also highkey want her to put me in a chokehold like GHSFDFJFSDHGJK those ARMSSSSSS MOTHER??

fuck modhaus tho i hope artms r doing well... fucking jaden jeong ugh

[swadloom]

Welcome to my Tank!

Mike / Swad, He/him + fish neos if you'd like!

Around-adult-limbo, no more details than that but will respect dnis over age

Directory:

@mj-makoshark - Artblog. I've been drawing my comic ocs lately! Go check it out!

@occasional-pyrrhon - the one where I draw the guy

Pkmn irl roleplay (Main / currently most active): @silver-crowned-riders @rocket-researcher-antares @savior-of-raging-flames

More infrequent pkmn irl blogs: @starblessed-blasterz @therealwormhole-official @cookinguptrouble

Artfight: https://artfight.net/~MJ_Makoshark

I like getting asks, especially on my sideblogs listed above! I can just be slow and too perfectionist with replying to things. Also im anxious and forget things a lot. Reminders are fine 👍

if you're obsessed with fawning over pairings between kids and adults and call ppl who hate that antis uhm don't come to my house and I won't go to yours. I don't do call outs and anon hate I say "ew gross" to myself and keep walking and go lalala

Mutuals feel free to tell me if you need an "x don't look" tag or the like

Main interests / Things I might post about a lot:

🦢 #ki - kid icarus uprising my biggest old hyperfixation ever that gives me a heart attack if I think about it too long

🌞 #guy tag - posts that have mister pyrrhon kid icarus's spirit in their hearts. I hyperfixated on him so hard as a young teen during lockdown that I thought god hated me I am not joking.

🐱 #creatures - animal guys

🐝 #music tag mix of posts with music and posts about the guys who make it. They might be giaaants boy

🦈 #disney atlantis - My favorite movie my beautiful fuckeing wife

🐉 #d&d - I'm just now getting to play it again after a lot of shitty history with it but I mostly half-enjoy half-complain about the setting and monsters, and also love miniature painting

🐾 #pkmn - my last interest that I can cling onto for more than 3 seconds before being pulled back into sun guy abyss. I love elgyem

Usually original posts about each of these use the full game / show etc names and such

Other tags

🐠 #mecore - posts that are me

🐏 #rambles - The posts that make me sound the most like a Poster posting Posts to the internet. You'll get what I mean maybe

🦜 #vocabulary altering posts - a verbal stim art gallery of sorts

#👾 - Vague space and/or alien and/or technology and/or horror adjacent stuff tag idk how to explain this oneee :ppp

I can have a hard time talking about some of my interests or even engaging with them without embarassment or anxiety (especially kid icarus) but most discussions I'm up for now. saying things about Pyrrhon is a physical need just i might start growling and walking around to calm down if I see official art or game screenshots of him I'm sure you can understand </3