#might make another post just about that tbh
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i had to see this and think of autistic nicholas rush so now you have to see this and think of autistic nicholas rush.
AUTISM AND (THE CONSEQUENCES OF) DEHUMANIZATION
(1): Franz Kafka, "the metamorphosis" ; (2): Ruta Sepetys, "emilia - salt to the sea" ; (3): Susan Sontag, "as consciousness is harnessed to flesh" ; (4): Walton Ford, glepnir ; (5) Mitski, "cop car" ; (6): Franz Kafka, "letters to felice" ; (7): @soapstore ; (8): witch hat atelier, ch 43 ; (9): Olivia Laing, "the lonely city" ; (10): @fagromyzidae
#nicholas rush#dr nicholas rush#stargate universe#sgu#i could talk about rush and his autistic traits for DAYS#might make another post just about that tbh#but i think about it every time i watch an sgu episode
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You are challenged by Pokémon trainer Red.
#doodle#pokemon#red pokemon#charizard#dragon draws creatures#drawing made with the purpose of making 9 year old me flip her shit#doodle that i probably wont finish tbh so i'm just posting it#this is what i thought my art looked like when i was 10#in another 10 years i might say that about my current art lol#i like drawing pokemon sorta like someone described it as animalistic thats my jam#that being said how tf do you make Charizard's horns work naturally#like i feel like them not being pointy is like to iconic a part of the design to change but like#they are hard to make look like natural anatomy wize#unlike how i can just make like the mouth crocodile-ish or the arms like t rex looking#same with the wing spikes#if u cant tell from the rant i did some lineart that i scrapped because it looked awful so thats why im posting it like this lmao
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"yes im so fine"
*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*
#tw ed#obligatory MASSIVE do not do this#straight up poison that can kill you from one (1) time#used to be used to induce vomiting#directly the cause of death of karen carpenter and countless others#i wont i swear i wont#but i still researched it bc i was curious#tbh there are easier ways of poisoing oneself than semi illegal drugs#also if yall remember the post about a poison i own: i did more reseach and while that amount would probably kill me w no medical#intervention; it would take just under three times as much to be absolutely certain of hitting the toxic dose (calculated quantity per kg#of the top end of a given range. so it could kill me but if i was gonna go out that way id want about three times as much to be sure.)#honestly surprised ive never heard of any deaths from it. the most likely way to survive would be to throw it up i think#(or present to hospital and take charcoal or smth)#honestly though. my research says loss of consciousness and required intubation within half an hour in case studies#hence if you werent in reach of medical attention youd probably collapse an die#and i am very deliberately NOT mentioning what it is bc of how toxic it is#ive thought of combining it and another method to be absolutely sure but eh#honestly if it DIDNT work it sounds straight up embarrassing to admit to people tho thats one of the things stopping me#but literally a dose in a child requiring intubation and kid ended up in a coma recovered w no ill effects.#thats the dream yk. try and succeed and youre free; try and fail and you see no ill effects.#but yeah i wouldnt try w only the amount i have.#so im safe#....rereading the above. okay i might be a little mentally ill lol#but i am safe and absolutely nobody call the cops on me.#im fine.#tw suicide#puddleglum hours#nobody worry abt me ok. im fine.#just thinking silly lil thoughts like usual :)#EDIT: just occurred to me that using this poison could make it not look like a suicide
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i want to put link in isat. im sure hed do fine. the heros spirit endures
#my post#i was gonna say like. 'probably not the worst thing the heros spirit has endured.' but actually#man. idk. ppl like to say majoras mask is super dark. i think bc ur constantly faced with tragedy in a very direct way#zelda is usually slightly less in your face abt that stuff. mm crosses the line for that juust enough for it to be Particularly Notable#loz generally isnt afraid to address the Horrors. or at least acknowledge them#i dont mean this in a 'mm is darkest zelda' or whatever kind of way. (see jacob gellers video 'every zelda is the dsrkest zelda')#i mean it as like. mm is just louder about it#yknow. but is mm is speaking loudly then. if u put isat next to loz then it would drown mm out quite easily#in large part bc the story is just told differently#the characters are much more expressive in every way. bc the story is being told through expression#whereas loz tells stories specifically via player action#if that makes sense?#loz focuses on the journey. isat focuses on how the journey feels#not to mention links permanent 😶. which definitely influences this#honestly link as a general character (tho especially botw link) is very similar to siffrin. im not gonna try to put that into words rn but#maybe another time#anyways. if isat were told more like a zelda game i think it would be along mm and botw#i say those 2 specifically bc time loop and death and loss. lol#if the reverse were true. if loz ganes were told more like isat. then god dude i dunno#i might go through the plots of each and measure out how much i think the bitch(link) is Going Through It sometime#not rn. but sometime#initial gut thoughts tho. i think probably oot sksw la andd. possibly ww. wojld have similar emotional impact#sksw especially. have you seen his face when he sees zelda in the crystal thing. god#id say botw too but tbh. i kind of think its emotional impact is best as is.#it leaves itself a lot of room to breathe. you can rlly like. think abt it.#man these tags are off topic from the original post. eh its my post who care
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I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh
hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]
i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..
#snap chats#//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes#might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍♂️#@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ...#there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams//#recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking#he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ#oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever#first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway#aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO#though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role#daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot#yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does#if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh#and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing#theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line#masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together#if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack#but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral#im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 ....#and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like#'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)'#and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal#they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway.#tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together#like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀#one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid#so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny.#and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/
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I really dislike the inherent main plots of TSATS and Chalice of the Gods as they’re being explained to us currently, mostly just cause I feel like they take away from already established lore of the series and other plot points.
There is no way TSATS can go that doesn’t make either Tartarus feel cheap and/or the entire book just feel like Percabeth In Mark Of Athena: 2 Electric Boogaloo. Unless the twist is that they don’t go to Tartarus it is physically impossible. Because either they go to Tartarus and breeze through it, which makes Tartarus as a setting feel cheap and ruins all prior instances of it being used as a landscape of suffering, or they suffer Lots and Lots and it just feels like we’re rehashing the same exact plot over again purely for the sake of treating solangelo the same as percabeth, which doesn’t work because they’re vastly different character dynamics and putting them in the same situation has nowhere near the same emotional weights. Also it makes Nico’s original foray into Tartarus feel null because it makes it feel like his trauma doesn’t have any actual meaning, because why would he jump right back into it? Even with Nico’s character being extremely self-sacrificial, we’re at a point where we’re being told he’s improving on that and this is possibly the one circumstance he would think twice about. AND it makes Tartarus feel overused - Nico surviving Tartarus once? Okay, makes sense, he’s the son of Hades, and it’s cool that he’s the first mortal to ever survive it. Percabeth too? Getting iffy (especially since we see their trip in detail and that inherently means it’s lost a lot of potential oomph, because when you’re going for horrifying a lot of the time less is more) but okay, sure, Nico probably gave Percy some Tartarus Tips after being rescued and they had a literal dues ex machina or two helping them out, and they fell in accidentally so it’s not like how Nico waltzed in there. Third time? And it being Nico AGAIN and Will Solace (who as far as we know has little to no quest experience and most of his experience is being a battlefield medic) and then purposefully going there? Nope. It’s just a poor set-up. Plus “the major gay couple goes on vacation to superhell” is a... questionable plot set-up to begin with, especially when it’s been heavily implied it will be traumatizing for them, and we have already been told explicitly that references are being made to things like Call Me By Your Name so there is a self-awareness about the themes there (also that alone raises questions about how we’re going to be taking the tone of things - again, there’s two ways it can go and both would be extremely difficult to get right). If Mark Oshiro were not co-authoring this I’d be a little horrified. I’m very glad Mark Oshiro is co-authoring this. I don’t believe it can’t be done tastefully, and yeah it’s a situation ripe for symbolism, but it is definitely the kind of subject that would be difficult for a non-queer author to handle appropriately.
As for Chalice of the Gods, we know two things: A.) It takes place prior to TOA, and B.) The chalice Percy has to retrieve has the power to make anyone who drinks from it immortal. ..... so basically, without the book even being out, we are told “If Percy had waited like 20 minutes, all of TOA would be null.” Admittedly, this does give justification for Percy specifically to be doing this quest outside of “college” reasons, and in my opinion, “The gods asked Percy specifically because they have verified he adamantly does NOT want to be immortal” is hilarious. However, adding yet another universe mechanic to the repertoire that nullifies death is annoying as hell, because death as a consequence in the series has been completely ruined since HoO. The more avoiding death options there are, the more every death scene feels completely pointless and avoidable.
#pjo#riordanverse#tsats#the sun and the star#chalice of the gods#forgive me for complaining this was in my drafts and i figured since i was talking about plot changes i'd make yesterday#might as well post this then yknow#while we're on the topic#i'll find something lighter/sillier in my drafts to post later#also my hesitancy about the overarching plot does not say anything regarding my expectations for the actual quality of the book(s)#just putting that as a footnote#could the plots be total shit but the books themselves end up lovely? sure. totally.#i am just personally grumbly about Tartarus' use as a narrative device and how it keeps getting overused#and also the growing lack of consequence in the riordanverse which tends to make any stakes feel automatically low and cheap#mind you i would LOVE if the twist in TSATS is that they end up not going to Tartarus at all#im currently 50/50 on reading it but if it turns out they dont go to Tartarus at all i'd be sold immediately#and i do think Percy being saddled with a quest because he's the only one who wouldn't be tempted with immortality is hilarious#tbh if we had a third plot concept rolling here and we condensed all three ideas down we could just do another 3-short-story book#like Demigod Files and Demigod Diaries#we have options#heck. yknow. if we're talking particularly long short-stories here we could probably roll with two#if demigod files is for the first series and demigod diaries is for HoO we need a TOA one anyways#cause CHB:C and CJ:C and those ones are their own category they're different
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Snippet from: When is a monster not a monster? Oh, when you love it. Chapter 5
Ghost Mace speaks to past Jaster (alive) and tells him what he knows of Jango's future, in the life he lived.
Mace's brow stiffened. "When we realised what we had done, we tried to find him but we could not."
"We tried to find the True Mandolorian's but the survivors had fled in all directions. We did try and see justice done, there was an overhaul of our internal mission preparation process. We changed our training. Dooku left the order as did his apprentice."
"None of it could make up for what we did. Years after the fact, I learnt that Jango was sold in to slavery by the governor. It took him years to escape. I learnt of the weight of what we had done in helping end the True Mandolorian's. In leaving Death Watch unchecked."
He meets Jaster's eyes. "We are here to discuss why we haunt Jango, but it would be remiss of me to not tell you that your son has haunted me every single day since the day I left on a mission to retrieve him; to attempt to offer reparations for what my peoples neglect brought down on him, and came home empty handed."
" We thought him dead, but I did not forget him. From that day, I've carried the weight of what we did to him. I have often thought of him over the years." Mace shook his head.
"You hold no blame here, but we just might."
And isn't that a thing. His son haunting a Jedi even before that Jedi might haunt him.
Jango is tangled up in something here far beyond Jaster's reckoning.
Mace is laying out the constituent parts that when put together, make Jango in to the man that is responsible for the death of every single person standing in that warehouse. Jaster isn't sure where that leaves him, because once he's done hearing this story, in the years that lay ahead of them yet, every single one of these horrible pieces is going to fall in to place. Tragedy after Tragedy ready to be pasted and slapped on to the boy he loves, his son, in order to make him in to the man that did this.
How the hell can Jaster stand by and let that happen?
There are no rules that apply to Jaster, not anymore. He doesn't care about morality or the ethics of fucking with a future that's apparently already happened. He has no care for his own code, not now. None of it matters.
Jaster is Jango's buir, before all else. He has been from the day he stepped in to a smoldering farmhouse and against the odds saw signs of life dancing across his HUD. The Ka'ra gave him Jango and by god, it can stand back while he brings his son back from the abyss.
Mace is watching him. "Jaster, you had no hand in making Jango Fett the man he became at the end. You did not abandon him, you were taken from him. I need you to know this. You should know that none of this was your fault. "
Jaster doesn't care. It doesn't matter if its his fault or not, he is responsible all the same; because he wants to be. He didn't fall in to parenthood, he walked in to it willingly. For Jango, there is no monster that Jaster will not face.
The ka'ra has given him one last gift. The opportunity to see Jango's life after Jaster, and a few precious years in which to try and change them. It may not be in Jaster's power to save his son from himself but by god, he'll die trying.
He looks at the Jedi. "Tell me the rest."
Some of my thoughts below the cut
Some of my thoughts (because clearly rambling in the comments hasn't been enough for me lol)
I had a lot of fun with this one. I've written about ghosts before but with this one, I went at it from another angle. In this au, ghosts aren't bound by linear time. If you do something that leaves a ghost tied to your soul, they are tied to you in the past as well as the future. Jango and Jaster are both Force Sensitive (tho with a Mando understanding of it. They call it 'star touched') and so can see ghosts.
In this fic, moving in with Jaster sets Jango on the path that brings him to the prequels. Once he's on that path, the ghosts that'll be tied to him in his future, can move freely along the timeline, with each of them pulled to a particular version of Jango. Jango will obviously be responsible for the deaths of quite a few people, there are his bounties, the Jedi and the clones and so on; but when the first ghost appears he's just a kid. The story deals with Jaster coming to terms with the fact that his kid, who he loves beyond reason, even if he stumbled upon him quite by accident, one day becomes the person that will make all these ghosts.
At first there's only one ghost in their time, but Jaster can't let it go (tho he knows he should), he needs to know what happens. So he keeps asking until she admits that she isn't the only ghost and that they are tied to Jango as he's responsible for their deaths. Then, he keeps pushing until she introduces him to the others. She gathers them in a warehouse (so Jango doesn't see) and takes Jaster there.
In the part of the story this snippet is from, Jaster has just been confronted with an excessive number of people (including children) who are all tied to Jango as he's responsible for their deaths. He's had a (understandable) freak out, and ghost Mace has taken him aside and offered to tell him what he knows of Jango's future, and how it led to the death of so many people.
What follows is a buddy up adventure between Mace and Jaster (unlikely duo) in which Jaster tries to come to terms with what Mace has told him, and the horrible events that led to Jango becoming the man that would one day be responsible for all these ghosts. While he tries to save Jango from himself, long before he needs saving.
The idea behind the fic is the inevitability of a tragedy. There's a feeling when you're watching a tragedy play out, that it's all so unnecessary, that it didn't need to happen, but you only know that because as the audience you know that they are in a tragedy, the characters don't know. So what if a character did know? Jaster is served advance notice, will having that allow him to save Jango, or will it just feed in to the fulfillment of this prophetic future?
I wanted to explore the fact that there's only so much one particular character can do, in trying to prevent the end another is headed towards and also, the power of familial love, even when it's found somewhere unexpected. Jaster isn't Jango's blood family, he didn't even know him till he was an older child, which I think makes his love for Jango in spite of knowing what he will become, all the more powerful. The glimpse of Jango's future is disgusting to Jaster, it goes against all he believes in, but its Jango so he can't hate him for it, he loves him too much and so, he's determined to save him from himself. He's willing to do the impossible.
Then there's Mace: so in this au, Mace is sent out shortly after Galidraan, when it becomes clear to the order that they've made a mistake, to find the survivor they left in the hands of the Governor, and to right a wrong. He isn't successful, he looks everywhere but he can't find him, and in the end the order write him off as dead. In this au, Jango was 18 on Galidraan and what Mace sees as his failure to save someone that was little more as a child, and suffered so greatly thanks to what the order see as their own neglect, haunts him for the rest of his career.
Its that idea of 'the one case you couldn't close'. It's at the start of his career and he goes on to do amazing things, Mace is peak Jedi, he invents a new form, he's one of the youngest Jedi to be elected to the council, he ends up heading that council, but he is still human (or near human lol sw complicates everything. he's 100% human in a fallible/emotional/sapient sense) I think that as a Master Jedi he's very aware of his own weaknesses, and he tries to work through it, he talks to it with other Jedi, and he certainly doesn't let it affect his judgement, but he can't forget it all the same.
So it's this version of Mace that ended up meeting Jango in the arena. Which I think adds such an interesting angle.
#Jaster Mereel#Mace#I've been thinking about this one (and a part of chapter 7 which i might post as another snippet)#cause i saw a poll talking about who was responsible for Jango's death and I've got a lot of opinions about that#that can not be contained by a poll lol. it's something i explored in this fic#pretty much. i think that Mace had no choice but i don't think he'd agree with that. i think he'd struggle with having killed Jango and#how he killed him. (decapitation. a particularly violent move. which i don't think he had a choice in. but yeah think he'd struggle)#i think that Jango pretty much ensured his own end and was too intelligent to not realise he was doing that so i think that was a#self hatred/survivors guilt/'i have lived past my end' kind of thing#i also think that Jango was only the person that always would have brought death upon himself like that because his past made him so#and i think his past was bad enough to make him that because it suited the greater narrative to have him end up like that#it suited palps ends pretty much. did palps know he was doing that or did the universe just work in his favour? who knows.#still worked out well for him#the poll got me thinking about Mace which got me thinking about this fic but writing about the fic has me thinking about this fic again#kinda tempted to go through it again and give it a bit of a face lift. old once over. shine it up a bit#I've always hated that it's 17 chapters tbh. want it to be 15 or 20. i don't think I'll address that this time tho.#might just try an edit however#has this???? no i won't say it. not to curse it but... the editing/ read back block may... be shifting. possibly.#considering an edit hadn't seemed so possible in a while.#there are so many things i need to look over once i can lol I've posted things still in draft state#that's cool tho. no problem. not thinking about that just thinking about how nice it would be to give this old thing a shine#Mace is so ready here to absorb all the blame for everything on the order (and by extension him) but its really not on them
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The nendo I need for the my custom Kayako's hair (and maybe body too?) should be arriving on the 19th. I'm very excited
#the mha thing I'll post on here is either this gif or thinking himiko and her design/powers are cool#silly talks#as long as nothing is fucked up I might be able to post what I have so far TT0TT#i'm coming for you next toshio buddy! TT0TT Your dad can get fucked tho#two nights ago I thought I heard the grudge groan#i think it came from my nose....or my head made the noise up (you know how some times your brain makes a phantom noise? :'D)#that or i'm curse and I'mma die we'll find out I guess! TT0TT#I feel like i haven't been posting much about Persona u_u that'll probs change when P5T/P3R actually comes out#just having a hard time being hyped for either tbh#p5t cause it's P5 and...well....... tactics..... but most importantly cause it's probs gonna be ANOTHER P5 game where they dont remember#which is already the majority of their spinoffs orz#as much as I hate P5S I'll gladly take a game that takes place AFTER P5S than another memory wipe game#I'm fine with memory wipe games but P5 has been.....stale and has too much TT0TT I wanna see them older....esp P1-4 chars older!#P3R is just.....a lot of stuff I like is removed so it's hard to get excited#i'm kind of expecting some diverging changes in P3R and.....I can't be excited for it cause all I wanted was a complete ver TT0TT#gimme Asa or P6 instead Atlus orz#but yeah sorry for posting things non-persona I'm just.......waiting TT0TT
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"When he puts his mind to it, the sergeant can get what he wants."
"But he's a vile being. I'm afraid there's just no solution."
#ita dub#keroro#i am gonna do the whole episode dont worry. i already have a difference noted for the gundam moment lol HOWEVER#i had to post this now immediately because i mentioned it to a friend and i wondered just how close it was to the og#turns out... not at all lol IT'S ALWAYS LIKE THIS WITH ME !!! MY FAVORITE MOMENTS? ARE ALL MADE UP#this is a judgement of keroro's character which in my brain is important for the bible i build of them in my head#and this judgement absolutely fits keroro in his overall character it's just... not at all what is said lol#it's like the opposite. in jpn they think kururu came out the winner. in ita its like damn keroro mad successful but also selfish as hell#it's an interesting difference... now if you'll excuse me I'll send this to my friend#:3#another thing is that. im pretty sure natsumi is insulting keroro here? but she might be talking about kururu? im honestly not sure#but considering a couple eps back we had keroro literally impersonate kururu when scheming tbh it's much of the same#a duality that... lends itself to the canon. in a surprising and absolutely not intentional twist#spoiler alert. the drawings of the gunpla were stolen ''to its creator'' not to zeon. which is what makes it rare. kinda crazy#that once again they even bother to put an explanation in place. like im genuinely impressed you dont understand#ep 28b
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i'm workin on sami's lore post as we speak but i got a lot of miscellaneous and unorganized thoughts pertaining to her that absolutely do not belong anywhere except the Sapphic Brainworms Containment Zone (right here). also strategically posting this late into the night so the normans that follow me are less likely to see it (it is a tiny bit embarrassing sorry)
#you might know by now that sapphic brainworms is kinda just code for anything i put out there with even a hint of hornyness#because this shit is still very new to me and i feel bad about it go figure. anyways back to the actual brainworms#SO#even after everything she still enjoys desire's attempts to boss her around. she contains multitudes#i think she's vers/switch#i say 'think' bc i haven't given it thought until now. give me a break ok#the whole 'hole that bites' thing is tricky to work around but it's doable if ur willing to lose some blood#yknow thats why desire has all those scars on her fingers SORRY SORRY i had to put it out there#it's bloody in general w/ her i feel. yuri with blood top ten best things in the world#they still sleep next to each other a lot of the time. sami will enter desire's room and just plop down next to her at like midnight#and they'll wake up basically on top of one another it's cute#sometimes they'll cook dinner together and it'll make you forget they're epically divorced#idk where this post is going tbh#but i will be brave about it and allow this post to be reblogged#this one just barely escaped being posted on alt but i think it deserves to breach containment#samiposting#desireposting#txt
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.
#nura rambles#idk somehow it's easier to tap on tumblr post button and type in tags then open the journal and write there#my friend met someone and they r already talking serious topics like marriage and stuff and i'm happy for her but it's also a sign that idk#time is ticking and our lives are progressing and changing#and i am once again filled w anxiety and regret?? and thinking that i missed smth and am continually missing smth lacking smth#and also i finally accepted the idea of it being my choice to stay here and that the moving abroad ambition wasn't mine after all and now#that i'm past that i can see another thing that is and was anxiety fuelling and that's this constant not fear but just silent notion that#if my so in the future happens to be not a man there's a huge possibility of us moving abroad cause i'd want my kids to be able to exist#lmao i'd want to be able to marry my partner#but like it's out of my control rn so why am i worrying about smth that might not even happen and making it a huge problem and isolating#myself even in my thoughts uhhhhhh i haven't realised until now that it's been worrying me constantly tbh#and when i tried telling my mom about my anxiety framing it as time passing worrying me because i think our family's life hasn't changed in#the past 5 years at all and it's depressing and that it shocks me that my friends are apparently soon gonna start marrying and their older#siblings did and are having babies now while i'm a nervous mess only now figured i have sad and lost winter months of past few years to it#and my older brother is apparently stuck has been for 5 years#and my parents aren't getting younger and her takeaway was that i'm thinking of marriage and it terrifies me lol#yeah mom u should think of it when u tell me my character is difficult and wonder how anyone will fit me??#anyways time isn't real and i think i'm a little baby#this week is so long jfc
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//honestly i could write a whole thing about lambda’s encounters with monsterfuckers and how much he heavily dislikes them
#//tbh it started out nice at first!#//meeting someone who it’d seem like they’d like him regardless of his monstrousness!#//but lambda is lambda and he’s going to do what he does best killing bad guys and eating them#//it stopped being nice after that#//ngl i wanted to see what it’d be like from a more realistic light and monsterfucker ornot you see someone murder another#//you’re just going to realize oh shit this is real and this is happening#//and that yeah monster scary#//so for lambda he just realizes oh you don’t like me you like the concept OF me#//you like the idea of a dangerous monster but when that danger makes itself known you turn tail and run? nah he’s not going to put up-#//with that#//he doesn’t have the time patience and mental energy for that#//they straight up get avoided lol#//this kind of came out of nowhere but might as well post it while I’m still thinking about it#backup log {ooc}
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holy FUCK was the teen wolf movie bad!!
#personal#i'd planned to make a post about my Thoughts but tbh i'd rather not think about it anymore tonight#maybe i will another time when i'm not stewing in my fury lmao#listen i knew it was gonna be bad! that's fine! it's teen wolf! but i thought it might at least be /fun/ bad#but instead it was INFURIATING bad. and just like. /bad/ bad. jeff davis you'll never reach valhalla
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beating back my own ambitions like look i have a hard enough time reigning in my own ideas dont be pulling this shit
#i am. an ambitious person. who has a general lack of motivation lmao#salty talks#anyways. i wouldnt make this its own post to talk about it but i did come up with a decent visual idea for the bellumbeck fic#NOT the shipfic no its the fic thats like. whats going on during that possession final boss stuff. yknow that subgenre of ph fics#and i want to eventually write that fic so i dont want to like. commit to any visuals that require it to be in a visual medium#but like with the preface that im somewhat into gore and have established the effects possession has on linebeck and how it injures him#and i kinda like the idea of linebeck's irl wounds showing up and being present on his body in the little mental thing where he interacts#with bellum but its never acknowledged like you see it like slights burns on his limbs and just this huge wound on his back#for my self indulgent gore enjoying bone enjoying self i almost want to make it an exaggerated version- like worse than it ends up irl#(ig since at that point in time its just straight up an open wound since it properly cauterizes when bellum is removed)#just leaning into the idea of the whole thing being an uncanny disorienting dreamlike nightmare scenario#his body is reflecting this horrible wound hes gotten and in any other case he would be in agony with the burns n exposed muscle and bone#but within this space he and bellum are it might as well just not exist since neither seem to notice; it's just there#tbh the extent of what the back wound like. is. is something i need to play with more. bc there is some underlying magical supernatural#bs going on with how that actually like. doesnt kill him. i have it somewhere between a burn and a bit of that section of his back torn off#like uhhhh. i said it in a different post like bellum burns (some acid shit i imagine the purple stuff is like acid) into his back and#kinda just establishes a very physical bodily connection rather than anything too magical like the possession is more biological or w/e#which means i need to look more into lingering effects anyways even as just stuff that never goes beyond that initial recovery period#anyways! another chapter of salty lightly describing linebeck gore ideas ive got at least two now
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this is gonna make me sound like the biggest loser but i want to follow normal blogs not focused on celebs, but then, i CAVE, and i search names of my fav artists in blogs im interested in and the moment i see a bad post i go nope, next blog
#this is about harry styles lmao#like tumblr can be so damn hateful!#and i hate seeing posts making fun of him#from non fans#and tbh any artist#bc theyre just hateful or making fun and it feels so weird#id rather see criticism and hate and memes from actual fans#bc i know they still appreciate his stuff/dont focus on hating/loving him but knowing when to call him out AND OTHER ARTISTS TOO IM SAYINGG#ppl love wasting their time making posts and editing shit just to hate its so annoying#thats when tumblr feels like twitter#tumblr hate has def ruined many things i love bc id see a 10k post hating on things i like#its weird idk how to explain it#im ranting#whatever this blog is for anything#boobobiboibjbk#anyways love my guy harry styles he can be so fucking dumb and stupid but he's also a babe#also i sohuld not be doing that - the searching for harrys name#bc then i come across those hateful posts im avoiding#WHY am i like this#i should just give up and focus on harry blogs#my search for normal non celeb blogs is impossible oughgh#might make another poll asking for blogs :'ppppp#im sad now byerjhh
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divine beings in dórverold | the chosen
it should be noted that there is a difference between a god gifting a mortal magic and a god selecting a mortal as their chosen. if one should be so lucky to be blessed with a god's magic, that magic will surely be more potent than the average mage's; it is new, not yet diluted by time and blood. a mage with such magic will be formidable and not easily felled.
yet a powerful mage does not walk with a god's favor. they had it for a moment, but a god does not continue to watch over them as they do their chosen. a mortal chosen by a god to be their champion not only gains incredible magic and attributes specific to the divine but a connection to the deity. there are few places the chosen could walk where the god could not hear their call.
some describe the connection as a constant presence in their mind whereas others feel nothing but always find themselves safe from harm in moments of tribulation. how the connection manifests appears to depend upon the deity.
the records we have of chosen mortals state that a deity's own physical attributes begin to manifest in their champions. sunna's chosen gain eyes and locks of gold; nott's chosen gain a silver gleam to their eyes and flowing, black tresses; and the list goes on. it must be noted that there are certain abilities unique to a chosen as well, such as resurrection upon death for sunna's chosen, which truly divide these champions from their mage counterparts.
a god's chosen is given a touch of divinity, a sliver of true divine magic, and no ordinary mage can replicate this.
#headcanons | dórverold#hmm i'm not the biggest fan of how this one turned out tbh#there's just something about it that i'm not feeling but!! now we have a difference between chosen vs magic users#and oh this actually opens a can of worms as far as the idea that magic is diluted by time and blood#like the mortals kinda got the idea?? but having children with another magic user won't help your magic remain strong#it's all up to endir and his guys whether or not the magic is weakened or not and maybe i'll have more thoughts on that later#but for now i just wanted to point out that someone like cyrillo actually is not necessarily chosen just bc nott gave him magic#i might change my mind but for now he's just a really strong mage with a personal connection to nott#whereas rin is capable of much more bc sunna /chose/ her#chiyo in her verse was chosen by mal so he connects their minds as well as gives her magic others might not be capable of#i gotta do a post about eyda too bc tbh i don't know if eyda has chosen so much as he just?? makes deals with people and#gives them magic and taints their souls#we'll see bc i'm still thinking ANYWAY here's your lore post for the night <3#let's see if i can muster energy for other things oof
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