#might just have to try our hardest to make spaces for trans people as always

[werebutch]

hey i saw someone already said that the person posting abt 4b was a terf, and you may have already learned this (sry if i'm just repeating information), but the 4bs movement as a whole is trans exclusive, especially of transfems. @/rui-cifer is a good source on this. also this post:

https://www.tumblr.com/rui-cifer/766451115992760320

I really appreciate when people bring my attention to things like this because I always want to know more, as always these things have to be criticized from the trans POV or we would get nowhere. So tysm ♥️ I DO want to know what you think (if you’d like to talk more, no pressure) the alternative is ? That post is great at pointing out this problem and everything in it SHOULD be acknowledged and fixed, especially if women in the US plan to replicate 4b, although (slight tangent) I also have my doubts about it lasting very long because of the nature of Americans.

But I don’t think the solution is to completely forget something as seemingly powerful as 4b? By that I’m talking about women withholding from men, obviously not the exclusion of trans people.

All (“popular” or at least not exactly niche) feminist movements throughout history have had problems like this. Racism and transphobia are the ones most apparent I think. That’s not okay now and it never was, and I know you know all this lol I’m just making my point.. I don’t think the solution to this is to freak out and condemn feminist actions right now. PLEASE don’t take this the wrong way 😭 you and me both know I don’t mean explicitly anti trans talking points.. I simply mean that I believe 4b, and more broadly, feminism, can exist without being anti trans..IF cis people actually try. Again I think if women ARE going to participate we as trans people and cis allies need to push to make them include us, and I don’t think it’s going to be the majority that do, instead it’ll be niche groups. But that’s kind of just how it’s going to be at this point in time, and it’s how it’s always been. It’s sad but I mean .. that’s .. it. Feminist movements always seem to be overwhelmingly white and cis but there WERE niche groups that weren’t. I think at this point that’s all we can hope for ? Society as a whole is not pro trans, and even though it would be ideal and we 100% should be aggressively pushing for it, I don’t think we can expect a very wide feminist movement to be either.. I don’t think that’s how this works

I’m very open to discussion on this and I’m not a trans woman so obviously I will sit my ass down and listen. But truly. I’ve been seeing on my dash that feminism is bad for the sake of being feminism, which is supposedly a “red flag”…. It’s weirding me out. I’m not at all saying that’s what you’re doing but I fr don’t think we need to avoid feminism like that LOL we just have to work towards making it more inclusive. Obviously. Because that’s never going to be finished lol. Feminism can exist without being anti trans, we know this ♥️

[another-trans-puppygirl]

I have been out for 4 years and never gave myself the space to express myself properly so i am making it for myself today

(first vent post so apologies for messiness lol)

tw// r*pe, transphobia, parental trauma, not sure what else but idk its heavy for me so just heads up

since i came out my life has changed insurmountably and it has all been terribly overwhelming. ive never really been one to use social media aside from horrifically embarrassing teenage shitposting, so ive just sort of let it all mount up and carried it around. i have a couple of transmasc house mates who i am terribly grateful for and consider them to be family but it has ultimately been terribly lonely not being aroud or talking to other transfems.

i will almost definitely talk about it in more detail on here at some point, but to keep things simple for now, i had very little control over how i came out to my family. it just sort of got revealed to my mum who insisted that my dad and brother (who didn't live with me, messy divorce) would never accept me and otherwise she was very unreactive initially. she feigned support whilst keeping it a secret from everyone in our immediate family but told lots of her friends for about 3 months but had expressed very negative views of trans women before so it felt very false to me. in january 2021 she decided she didnt support my "decision", as well as shouting at me for not telling her i had been r*ped and blamed everything on my dad. i didnt feel safe in her house anymore, so even though it was the middle of a covid-19 lockdown in the uk i had to take all of my belongings with me across almost the whole of england to get myself back to my uni campus. it was easily the worst day of my life and the hardest thing i ever had to do and i havent spoken to her since. i broke my collar bone as a young teenager and carrying all my stuff like that has made it hurt all the time, and i find it so hard not to think about it all whenever the pain is really bad. i was at university for animation, something i had always wanted to do my entire life. i could not bring myself to go to classes for the entire year so i deferred to the next. then i still couldnt bring myself to come in for most of the year. for some reason they didnt kick me out despite my attendance so i tried again the second year, and it went better but i was still really disappointed in myself. in my third year, things got complicated. i started to try really hard and believe i might be getting somewhere. i was the only person in my whole course that was doing traditional animation, my course was advertised as supporting traditional animation but i was not given a tutor so i was totally alone to try and fit my assignments to my limited skillset and resources. i had some ideas for projects i was really passionate about and started to develop and then it happened again and i got overwhelmed and decided i really couldnt do it anymore so i stopped going entirely. during this time i have also wrestled with the fact that i knew deep down that i am a lesbian. recently i have given up fighting it and have accepted that i am a lesbian, i think being on estrogen for one month as of today has played a big part in that, as it has rekindled my emotions and i just cannot fight that feeling anymore. but it has also brought on a terrible loneliness that i think i was suppressing beforehand too, and it has just made me feel incredibly lost. i am really happy somewhere in there about it, but it is overshadowed by a terrible sadness that i have let myself hide away this whole time. it has filled my heart to the brim with love and i feel like i have nowhere to put it and i just want to scream. i have been so scared to say any of this anywhere to anyone for fear of burdening people but i cant keep it inside anymore so i want to shout about it here because i have nowhere else to do it. so if youre reading this i am sorry for taking your time, just know it means the world that anyone even knows any of this and that bending your hypothetical ear will hopefully ease the load even if just for a moment.

[butterflyy-goddess]

lesbians are fake because we're all socialized straight. that's how you sound. also as a gnc lesbian who sometimes gets read as a man you really aren't fucking helping me when you encourage people to police who is "woman enough." this is all just repackaged misogyny and it hits women marginalized in multiple ways the hardest. shit like this gets black trans women killed, gets intersex women banned from women's spaces, gets gnc women harassed in bathrooms, etc. it's vile. it's thinly veiled cryptofascism and phrenology.

It’s pretty clear that you’re ignorant if you think I — as a black woman — would EVER support fascism or phrenology which has had a particularly negative impact on my community. Medical and scientific racism is disgusting and if you had any grasp of history as it relates to black people, you wouldn’t say that shit.

Now as it’s clear your critical thinking skills are lacking let me clarify this very simply. I am not policing who is “woman enough”. I’m drawing a boundary for natal women versus biological men. This is not policing, this is just facts. You might be confused on what a fact is. It’s something that’s known to be true. I don’t need to police womanhood because nature has already done this for us.

Once again, TRAs want to hide behind black trans people and intersex people to try and make your point. Do you know why black and other POC trans people face more harassment/assault/murder? Because of racism — otherwise the numbers wouldn’t be so drastically different for white trans people vs black. You might not want to accept that trans women are men but stats don’t lie. White men are far safer than their black/ POC counterparts because they’re seen as white men who are literally the most protected class lol.

Intersex people have their own problems which are unique to each person. Stop using them in every example. They’re policed so to speak because it’s a medical difference they were born with and people suck. I’m not saying it’s fair because it isn’t but it’s not the same as a grown man throwing on a dress and makeup and proclaiming to be a woman. I don’t pretend to know much about intersex people. But I know their life is probably hard enough without being thrown into conversations that aren’t about them in any way. I wonder if intersex people enjoy being compared to trans women all the time? You don’t care about intersex people except to use them as a gotcha against your critics.

I am not saying lesbians are fake, that’s just a terrible interpretation of what I said. How you are socialized has long term effects. For example, I am a bisexual woman, but I can’t deny that being socialized to think only heterosexuality is normal doesn’t leave a lasting impact. I can’t erase that. Just like a man can’t erase how being raised as guy leads a lasting impact. Being socialized as male, but more importantly NOT being socialized as female is important. A lifetime of being treated as less than, being talked over, going over how to stay safe constantly, hearing messages that reinforce how weak we are, how dispensable we are, how less than human we are is part of female socialization. And men are just not socialized like that — and it shows in their behavior when they transition. Their behavior always reveals the male socialization.

Also please stop acting like you care about marginalized communities when TRAs are pro prostitution and other so called “sex work” which disproportionately hurts women of color and trans people of color. Marginalized groups aren’t a prop. You can’t use use our oppression as a reason you should be able to invade women’s spaces.

[feather-dancer]

Trollhunters Fanfic Recommendations - Part 3

Somehow there is now a third one of these because I read far far too much fanfic and have no regrets about it. It’s with great pleasure I can also announce I’ve been digging around for Trans Jim fics and found some gems while I was at it that have been included below.

You can find Part 1 of my fanfic recommendations here!

And Part 2 here!

Plus one shameless plug for my own current fics.

General Trollhunters

(And you're my Arcadia.) - All you need to know is it’s Jilaire post Season 3 and one line in particular made me burst out laughing.

Bitter[sweet] - Sometimes the thing you need most is just a really good friend when your body plain sucks. Contains Trans Jim and is delightful.

the red book - Far beyond the humble days of Season 3 and after living beyond his human family and friends, Jim has started to forget who he was and that he was ever just a human kid.

The Halls of Arcadia High - When Strickler disappeared in Season 1, his absence was felt in many ways even in the form of a humble piano left un-played.

Not - Not!Enrique isn’t his name yet it’s what they call him anyway. An albatross reminding him of what was taken before he even had a chance to start.

On the Radio  - The final telling of the Janus Order.

Gay stories for Tales of Arcadia - Yeah I’m pretty sure you can guess where this is going, LGBTQ+ rep!

Through the Fires - There was a before time, one where Gunmar still roamed free and Deya had yet to be chosen let alone felled. These are the words of the humble witnesses of that war, from the changelings to the trolls who would oppose them.

Trollhunters: A Series of Disjointed Drabbles - This is so cute and fluffy I might just spontaneously combust.

Insomnolence - It is after the final battle and Jim has a lot of thoughts.

another tragedy - Anxiety is a bastard, it gives a lot of bad thoughts but sometimes there is a little bit of truth buried beneath it all and it whispers all about how you can keeping doing the wrong things for the right reasons. Season 2.

i will always hold you close (but i will learn to let you go) - Sometimes the hardest thing you can do is learning when to let go. Sometimes however, even when you want to they hold back even tighter. Season 2.

your eyes look like coming home - Toby has been the witness from the start of just how close Jim has been to death multiple times over and how Jim he is about the whole thing. It scares him how this time might be it, again and again. Season 2.

The Collected Tellings of Shigir and Other Changeling Folktales - I don’t actually know which category to put this under so I’m going the to heck with it route instead. Does exactly what it says on the tin for your Changeling lore needs, some of which will be off-hand mentioned or outright appear during the fantastic Terpsichore - The Comedy of the Danse Macabre - ACT I.

Please note: The main fic is Stricklake if that’s not your cup of tea, the folktales however can be enjoyed regardless.

~~~

Stricklake

all that dazzling dawn has put asunder - The sequel to in my sleep i dreamed of waking, this is filled with delightful fluff, internal panicking and the joys of trying to explain how you’re a not and how that does not change the fact Strickler is still a was. Being a changeling in these strange after times are difficult even before the other baggage involved but at least you're still here to start.

Two Pisces in Alto Mare - When in Rome as part of a study trip abroad, you meet the most curious people sometimes and  by fluke or nature you may even do so more than once.

Filling The Gaps - Possibly a bit of an unusual mention but! These are little pieces of Fallout that were going on while our eyes were following elsewhere and boy it can hurt.

Rehearsals and DvD Bonus Features - Another from the home of Terpsichore - The Comedy of the Danse Macabre - ACT I which is being listed here because it does have Stricklake in it. Some things don’t make the cut with writing fanfic, either because the plot wandered off, it doesn’t fit right or it’s some backstory you haven’t quite figured out where it can be naturally brought up yet and in this case they’ve found themselves a home. Be warned, one particular chapter is explicit and has been marked as such in warnings in the chapter summary.

~~~

Alternate Universes

(Un)Becoming - Not technically an AU in the conventional sense but I’m putting it under here anyway. It’s Unbecoming, as ever the road to hell is paved with good intentions but as Jim threw in the towel the storm that’s coming will not be stopped. However, what if others caught glimpses of a world that still had a human Trollhunter to defend it?

Steve the Kind - Steve became the Trollhunter but how the adventure unfolds differently than when Jim was at the helm might just surprise you. Very slow burn Steve and Jim that in a rather refreshing change doesn’t throw Claire under the bus for it to happen. Praise be.

31 Days in the Darklands - Strickmar that somehow kinda works?? It helps with Gunmar having the space to breathe outside of getting Morgana out and be more of his own character. Storywise, in order to rescue Jim from the Darklands Strickler broke a deal that would cost his own freedom and now has to somehow maintain a treaty between three very different factions all the while keeping his own neck intact. The intense distrust in changelings continues on to boot but hey, nobody said politics was easy.

Building Bridges - So Gunmar is distinctly of the more Eldritch variety with dream powers, the ability to easily see through lies for the true emotions and thoughts, Bular has the Insight as well to a lesser extent and everyone has somehow managed to hop onto Stricklander’s bandwagon of we must protect Jim Lake Jr. at all costs. Now the race is on as both sides try to sway the young Trollhunter to their way of thinking and the Trollmarket has no idea how dangerously badly they’re doing so far.

Lost Souls - A fic written in variable snapshots. Jim was kidnapped and changed by Merlin far earlier to be his Champion to ensure he did the “right thing” while Barbara in desperation to find her son falls into the hands of Morgana thus mother and son become enemies without even realising it.

Faithfully - Barbara died overseas and yet somehow Jim still managed to make his way back to Arcadia to become the next Trollhunter. This road is far harder for it as a seemingly homeless orphan though on the flipside he keeps on acquiring dads. Contains Trans Jim, timeline variable snapshots and I love it very much.

The Burning - There was a fire, it killed Barbara and Jim was thought dead as well. Nobody could have guessed the feral half changeling that is running around like a cryptid is the very much alive Jim.

Finding Daylight - Jim is a very low ranking changeling, terrified of Bular and his home amounts to little more than a spot in the woods. Things started to go pear shaped for him when he accidentally stumbled over Blinky and only more so when the amulet picks him after Kanjigar is felled. Tis not a kind world for a changeling child out there and he has nobody really to help watch his back until he stumbles on a potential maybe.

~~~

The bonus shoutout for an excellent MSA fic   

A Sleep Like Death - Who wouldn’t want to go visit a tower you’ve inherited apparently and has haunted as all hell all over it? Not Vivi that’s for sure. Poor Arthur is just along for the ride and then things start to get really weird when they find it’s still occupied and thinks Arthur is his jailor.

[thelifedocumentor]

Nkuley Masemola and his iconic creative expressions

Nkuley Masemola is a multidisciplinary creative who works as a fashion model, DJ and stylist. Nkuley Masemola has modelled for iconic South African fashion brands such as Rich Mnisi, Thebe Magugu and Nao Serati. They also invite the young vibrant youth of Johannesburg to the eccentric scenes of Braamfontein through DJ’ing. With styling that transcends cultural eras and borders, Nkuley translates their experiences of navigating South Africa and the creative culture artistically into their photographs. The success they have garnered since working as a fashion model from the age of 17 is truly inspiring. In this interview we talk about what inspired Nkuley growing up, their artistic journey and the importance of being yourself in order to thrive in the creative industry. 

1. How was it like growing up in Pretoria? 

The funny part is that I didn’t actually grow up in Pretoria, it was more outside of Pretoria than it was Pretoria. I grew up on the outskirts of Pretoria - that’s the farms. Bronkhorstspruit is where I was from. And it was bland - I don’t know any other way to explain it. It was like growing up on a big sheet of white paper. I had to make out myself. It was an experience but it was also really overwhelming because no one there had progressed to anything. It was complicated but also a good learning curve. I always say I would have rather not. I would have rather had a soft life but I guess I see the benefit of growing up like that but it was overwhelming. 

2. What are some unforgettable childhood experiences you believe shaped who you are today? 

When I finally moved to Bronkhorstspruit, after my father passed on, my mom bought herself a huge mirror. I didn’t have friends, I didn’t have anyone. So the only thing I ever did was look into that mirror. I had all my performances there, I had all my interviews, I did everything with that mirror. I just became so self-obsessed, all of my art is self-obsession. Everything is all about me. It’s my self-portrait, it’s music that is about me, everything that is structured in a way that is like self-worship. So I think that particular childhood experience shaped me forever. I got harassed but I never got bullied. I never let anyone bully me. If it happens, I can just avoid it, I’m not gonna stick around. I was always inside the house. I would make up my own stories, live in my head, and wait for the day I move to Jo’burg. When it finally happened, I already had like self-discovered so much. That particular childhood experience shaped who I am today. I created my whole world, and now I’m living in it. 

3. How did you start modelling? 

Back home, there used to be this modelling agency. It was just high school kids who had high-quality cameras, more than it was a modelling agency. They were like, “Yeah you should be a model.” And I was like, “I guess.” It was never my thing. I take really good photos, but I don’t look like a model, I don’t present myself as a model. At that time, I wasn’t the typical male model. And so I was like I’m not a model. That happened and it wasn’t really serious. When I moved to Jo’burg, my friend and I had just come from registering and we were going past Kitcheners and my friend was with their friend. We were all speaking to a guy and he said, “Yeah you can just come back to my place.” We all went back to the place. Then I left my matric certificate at their place and then when I left and went back home, they were like, “You left your stuff here [matric certificate] and also, I saw on Twitter that you might have to drop out of school because you don’t have anywhere to live until March so you can just live with me.” This is the person that I met with a friend because they met on the streets of Braam, literally at the corner of Kitcheners. I lived with that person for 3 months. They literally got me into modelling.

The first day I got here they were like, “You’re a star!”. I was on a music video set, and they needed one guy and I had just moved to Jo’burg and put my bags down. My parents had just dropped me off. I put my bags down and went up to shoot the music video. After that, I had another job. It was quiet for a minute and then my friend asked me to escort them to a casting. Still, I was not in the modelling game, I was just deep in love at the time. So cool, I go to this modelling gig, and then when we get there, my friend doesn’t get picked but they’re choosing from outside. They’re like, “You? Come here.” I said that I’m not here to model what’s happening? They said, “No, just audition quickly.” So I walked and strutted to the wall and then when I came back I got picked. It was The Threaded Man show. After that, everything started picking up, everything just set off. That’s how that happened. I just started modelling after that. Still very weird. 

4. Wow! The Threaded Man was so huge at that time. 

I didn’t even know. I didn’t know who Siya Beyile was. I had just got to Johannesburg. I had no idea who anyone was. So literally getting calls from Rich Mnisi being hey it’s Rich Mnisi. When I found out it was Rich Mnisi I was like OMG! They were shooting for i-D. That is one thing I’ve always dreamt about - I’ve always bought i-D magazines at the taxi ranks. When they said, "You’re 17 you’re gonna shoot for i-D", I was like that’s crazy, that’s crazy. I shot for almost every magazine that I had back at home. In one year, I had Cosmopolitan, Vogue, and i-D. My mom was like, “Aren’t these the magazines that are in your room.?” It was my favourite flex. I didn't even know it’s gonna happen in terms of modelling. I had always imagined being a part of the creative team or like one day when I’m all the way older on the cover of i-D for doing something. But not a whole documentary that is based on us. That’s so crazy, that’s insane. 

4. Which would you say are your favourite fashion collections you have modelled for?

I really enjoyed the Rich Mnisi collections that I modelled for in the first year - I thought I looked really good in zebra print. Thebe Magugu gave me a suit and said “Do what you must with it.” That was really insane for me. Siyababa Atelier’s collection, Rich Mnisi’s collection and Nao Serati’s collection. 

5. The South African creative scene has truly evolved over time, but there’s still so much work to be done. What do you think still needs to be done to move the culture forward? 

I think South Africa needs to stop normalizing things and actually live in them. We need to stop trying to normalize things so much because we are othering them more than we think. We are othering people more than we think. We are regressing more than progressing. If we keep saying “Normalize trans women” - why? They’re women. Women are already normal. You don’t need to normalize women. It’s microaggressions like that. People don’t realize homophobia is just as serious as racism. The same way people are judging you because of your skin colour is the same way you are judging someone for loving someone. I think South Africa would be much better if they just lived in their truth more than trying to be these progressive people. We’ve been through so much, that we should know by now that we can’t risk having another revolution. We’ve revolved too many times. We’ve been traumatized too many times - we don’t need any more trauma. We just need to get that into our heads. We need to let go of the power game. The obsession with power in this country is a hectic obsession - that needs to be let go of. 

6. How do you find the experience of integrating fashion, music and creative direction together to tell a story? 

It comes easily because everything that I do is still self-obsession. Everything that I create is based on me so it’s not that hard. Self-awareness. It’s hard in that term that you know yourself so much that people want to digress you into this way. The only thing hard about it is people not understanding you and wanting to change you and who you are at that point. You already know who you are. Trying to accommodate everyone into your world because I’ve already said I am living in my own world, in my own space. In my own space, there is no need to accommodate other people. I think that’s the hardest part about it. It’s just me finding spaces for people in my world. In terms of navigating it, it’s always been me living out what I wanted to live out. It’s always playing music - when I DJ I play all the music that has registered with me. I’ve always been a Rihanna girl, I’m always going to play Rihanna. I’m always going to have the Rihanna aesthetic - the same way she does it. I’ve been studying Rihanna for the longest time in my life. The same way she does it. The same way she has this creative direction that goes into her music that also goes into her modelling - it’s really insane. That’s what I’ve always done. Rihanna, FKA Twigs, and FAKA do that in the most perfect way ever. That’s my thing. 

7. If you ever feel a creative block during a project, how do you reconnect and channel your energy? 

I like feeling things out. If it doesn’t happen then it’s not gonna happen. I was at a point where I was really depressed last year - I was at my lowest. I had never been that depressed ever in my life before. I told myself that I never want to feel like that ever again. For that to happen, I always have to be honest with myself. I have to know that I can’t do this right now. If I’m gonna go somewhere and I’m like okay you’re gonna have to model today but you don’t have the haircut. You look bad, you’re gonna feel bad and the pictures are going to look bad. So rather, we don’t do it. Rather sacrifice that and put me in a risky position but I’m not going to put something out there that I don’t believe in and don’t feel comfortable with. Being uncomfortable with something that’s seen by so many people is actually kinda crazy. It’s like uploading a picture of your pinky toe that you don’t like. I know people always say embarrassing yourself on the internet is being real, but that is always different for me. My realness is perfection. The real me is the perfect me. 

8. Which creative material inspired you on your overall journey - it could be a book, film, exhibition, art collection - anything really. 

Definitely seeing FAKA. Sitting down, talking to FAKA, and realizing that we have had the same life experiences. When I was 15, when I was a party girl - I still am, FAKA was like, “Oh you host this party called “Umrubisho” and I was like omg we used to host that party and FAKA was like we were always there. It’s so crazy how the Universe aligns like that - that’s insane to me. No one at that point understood what that meant to me but it just means to me my life is fine, I don’t need to worry about a lot of things. Life is just going to progress the way life progresses. I’m just going to get to where I need to get. A moment most pleasing to me was when FAKA was curating a Versace show. That’s so insane. That means anything is possible. That moment for me just sparked up everything. Thebe Magugu winning the LVMH Prize. Rich Mnisi doing Milan Fashion Week. Moments like that for me make anything. Moments like that for me are the most affirming.

9. Which brands and artists would you like to collaborate with in the future? 

I’m not a big fan of Kanye but I really love Yeezy and the direction that it’s taking. As much as I’m working with Adidas, I would love to go deeper into Yeezy like that. Of course, I want to be a FENTY girl so, so, so bad. All the luxury brands - not necessarily as a model but as a muse nonetheless. I would love to be a DIOR girl, I would love to work with YSL but most mostly, I want to be a FENTY girl. 

10. And lastly, which words of advice would you give to artists who aspire to manifest their dreams in this creative industry? 

I would say be yourself. It’s not a joke, really be yourself. Everyone always says this, and it sounds corny all the time but really but it took me at least 2 years to realize, be yourself. Don’t fake it out, be yourself in such a way that even if you are being fake, you’re being fake in a way that is beneficial to you. You’re being fake in a way that is not going to hurt you in the end. You’re doing chaotic things but everything you do must be aligned with you. Everything you do must not come back and bite you. Everything you do must be something that you’ve always wanted to do. Be selfish as much as you can because being selfish just means being yourself and be selfish in ways that will still benefit you. That’s what it has always meant. Just remain yourself because that’s all you’ll have. People will come in and out, but you’re gonna remain with the same person forever - and that’s gonna be you. Take care of yourself, you know what’s good for you, you know what hinders you. You know what you need to do, so just do enough of that to keep yourself going. 

[lazcht]

Contemplations

...of aging, and the year of 2017

Hey, it’s been such a long time I haven’t write a long (and personal) blog so pardon my (even more) rusty writing skill--phrasings and poor vocabulary. 

Well. I’ve been thinking to share some of my thoughts to the internet concerning...age. 

26th of September is my birthday. Actually this is the last year I’ll be in 20s, haha. Lately (at least among my friends) it’s so familiar to hear “It feels like I was graduating school yesterday damn it.”

Is birthday really matter?

Nah it’s just a calendar--day, week, month, year, time system made by humans as a system to measure how long we’ve been here, on earth. I don’t feel really connect with the concept to celebrate anniversaries exactly by “time”. It works more as reminders, a trigger to notice myself to contemplate, evaluate, and plan. 

Should I be happy? Hmm. Celebration, eating fancy, wonderful wishes, surprises, gifts, are bonus. I might be taking them for granted actually, (I feel bad for that) but I kinda feel it’s not a necessary thing to have on a birthday. Though my birthdays have been so great since I was little, so in my mind, a birthday is always been a good and fun association. 

Except, when I was reaching 20... my anxiety about stuff arose, maybe this time is the same. I’m about to hit 3rd checkmark of 10 years of milestone. So it’s a lie if I say, that aging doesn’t matters at all.

I feel so grateful that I’m always surrounded with kind people who care about things I love, my well-being, or my future, or simply all people that accept my presence on their lives. So thank you for all wishes and gifts... Though I can’t promise anything in return.

Suddenly I remembered...

My mood was not really good lately. I’m thinking about lot of stuff. Frustrated, anxious, worried(?), and a little bit pessimistic. Why, I wonder?

I’ve been thinking, what’s the difference, and how I’ve been changing from 10 years ago; the teen me, to I am now. So here are my personal conflicts.

1. First of all, the easiest thing to notice, is my physical body. 

Back then, recovery was fast, good stamina, and a body that didn’t go sick although I didn’t put so much attention in it. I could ate stuff sloppily, hygiene doesn’t stop me from doing what I want, sleep deprivation didn’t matter as much, pollution didn’t really affect my respiratory system, bad posture didn’t get me strains or sores, lack of exercising also less punishing. Waking up motivated and energized.

Now... well, I’ve been trying to wake up not feeling bad, and go to sleep with a good posture so I don’t feel like shit the next day. 

Allergies such as dust, smoke, (my own) sweat, water (on my scalp) are easily triggered these days. I dunno if the environment here getting so much worse (well, it’s a capital city of Indonesia, Jakarta), or just my body can’t cope up with my old lifestyle.

After I get the feeling of living in a weak dying body previous years, being unproductive, unmotivated and low at energy, mood-swing, stressed and getting the feeling of “decaying”, having atrophic and useless muscles; I figured it was because I lack of self-care. I feel that can’t ignore this shit anymore, before it’s getting far too late.

2. Mindset & interests.

The more I think, I noticed maybe the biggest difference between me 10-20 years ago with me right now, is the optimism level LMAO.

In junior high school days, to 20+ ish, I kinda have faith that someday (perhaps in 5-10 years) I might be able to become famous, or having decent money flow. I felt that I was a genius compared to people my age, haha well I had a narrow social circle. As I grow older, things become difficult (actually prolly I was just underestimated lot of stuff back then?). Having more knowledge makes me think that I know nothing about this world, this industry I work in, about what’s work and what’s not, about this life.

I used to have strong feel of justice or moral compass that’s quite firm. I could really simply say that doing A is plainly wrong and doing B is absolutely right. As I grow older, learning so much stuff (from experience, or fiction stories I consume), knowing so much people with their insight from cultural, religion aspect, things are not as simple. I faced lot of turning point couple of years lately.

I used to have interest in drawings, my capability to draw something, but not about reading, or listening about things that inspire. My dream was to become an animator or comic artist, later on I was only interested in the drawing process, the result, but not the story. Maybe that’s why I’m comfortable in joining other’s project rather than doing my own.

I consumed things that only makes me able to create what people told me to, but not “nutrients” for my ability to conceptualize and inspire, to deliver message. In 7++ years of my career, I deliver nothing, just work, ego "masturbating”, fun and money. Not so long ago, I noticed I that I should change my direction. That I had to make impact, or at least, a lasting impression, stuff that people could think about. 

I focus less in technique, and think more about purpose, idea, vision. Things that only I, can deliver it (still looking). Things that are more personal and close to my identity.

3. Family condition.

Not only me that gets older. Parents, partner, sibling and other relatives are also getting old. Not to mention the economy and how industry, business trends flows by. 

Economically, my family is currently going downwards. Parent’s not as healthy as they were 5~10 years ago. Good thing they’re still lively, active, able-bodied to still go traveling actually. They simply can’t work continuously, hence eventually, incomes are scarcer. Bills getting higher each year, or even months. They don’t demand retirement (thanks to them), but I feel they’re thinking we (their children) are not ready to take full responsibility of paying all of household needs. But luckily enough, our family didn’t have any debt. Yet I could use steady income to cover us, as soon as possible.

Psychologically, parents are more into games now (I’m so glad lol), and they’re still quite sharp to pick out hoaxes though there are lot of random Whatsapp videos or articles they share with the old folks. Overall, still good but long term-wise, I’m quite pessimistic.

4. Spiritual side, ego, myself.

It’s getting harder to reach a clear mind nowadays, just a moment to meditate and let my mind sit calmly, silently. I guess I’m now getting even more drowned into the “Lazcht” ego. I feel the need to work hard, but only to serve the “me”. How about afterlife thoughts, awareness, mindfulness? I know I need more mind exercise, but there we are, too busy being involved into mundane stuff haha.

Love life, it’s hard to describe but now I feel like I can control better of my own possessiveness, to think that love is about giving, having a big heart, and letting go. Breakup? Nope, but as a formerly monogamous person, I’m currently having a polyamorous partner. We had been seeing the differences as our biggest obstacle on continuing the relationship, and I was trying to make myself adapt and change to compromise, but now, we decided to see and experience love with our own “style”. It works for now, tho, we don’t know for how long. :’)

Insecurity changed and taught me a lot of life lesson. Back then I’d never care much about my body image, upgrading wardrobe and so on. Lately I also feeling anxious again about my gender issue. The urge to transition (I’m a trans FYI) is getting stronger, but meh... I’m broke, so not now. :(

What do i do then?

1. Physical aspect: workout, regular outing, drink more water, body-awareness, and keeping good habit. 

Latest one is hardest, because of my zero-discipline. For people who has similar issue with mine, easiest way I find is to bathe regularly, at least once a day would make my day better. Maintaining room’s sanitary is also excellent method to wake up feeling great. Recently I bought an air purifier, vacuum regularly, and it worked nicely.

I once find using a scheduler app with fixed wake up time, eating, working, etc makes me feel better and content, then again it’s hard to keep it on long-term. 

2. Nutrients for brain: watch or read more interesting and recommended stuff, explore, make new friends or be in a new circle. 

I also feel that it’s necessary to learn languages, especially Japanese, I feel like someday I’ll really make use of them.

Probably planting is also a way to refresh mind and soul. I really hope to learn on cultivating vegetables, or just herbs if it’s easier haha.

3. Economy and family matter: can’t do much for this actually, except doing my best on my work and keeping healthy relationships. 

I really hope I can make them go travel somewhere else beautiful, since their mindset always like “we wouldn’t afford that much.” or “it’s not worth it.” well, perhaps they’re not into it but I just don’t want they can’t afford to spend money on something they love.

Hopefully I can find a good way to improve my economy without too much sacrificing important things.

4. Myself as me: I... just hope to improve, or perhaps become slightly more famous as an artist or gamedev person lol. Most of all, I just want to love myself more, and be content with my own self. Also hopefully I’ll become more useful to others, on anything. I wish I can optimize myself because... too much burnout (physical or social). If anyone notice that sometimes I don’t appear anywhere or rarely seen, that’s not necessarily that I hate being with you guys, mostly it’s because I need my space and time.

Ideally, I want to go to more convention events, overseas, selling my own stuff (or with circle), get in touch with amazing people. Or simply maintain good relations with people around me (not just physically ofc) right now. You guys are good friends. 

Okay that’s enough, I think I can count this as my prayer because I don’t usually “pray”. Forgive me for my wrongdoing (or let me know?) and thanks for being here with me. May universe get along well with everyone and hear our wishes! :)

~Lazcht, 29 Y.O.

[itsbap]

[TRANS/INTERVIEW] GRAZIA Magazine April 2017 Edition - Himchan & Daehyun

B.A.P Himchan and Daehyun’s relationship is much like that of ‘Tom and Jerry’. It turns out that B.A.P fans have already compared them to such from a long time back. At the sight of them bickering without rest, (we) asked “(what if you guys) fight at this rate,” Himchan and Daehyun both answered at the same time, “this is playing!” and caused a big laugh.

HIMCHAN’S TASTE

Daehyun’s thighs vs Jongup’s butt If you absolutely had to have one…, Jongup’s butt. I’ll refuse anything that’s Daehyun’s (laughs).

Bungee jump vs Skydiving Ah… (I) have a lot of frights (I’m scared of it), (so I) give up

Kakaotalk vs Phone call Phone call. It’s annoying typing out texts.

Sleepiness vs Hunger, the thing that’s harder to resist is? Sleepiness. I have a lot of sleep

Party vs Time alone Party with friends and alcohol.

DAEHYUN’S TASTE

Straightforwardness vs Beating around the bush Straightforwardness. (I) don’t like it when there are misunderstandings because of words (talking).

Ballad vs Dance Still dance (for now). (I) like it more when (both) vocal and dance skills are distributed (and) displayed. Like Bruno Mars.

Mello vs SF Movie Mello. (I) originally (always) liked mello. Especially <A Moment to Remember>(, I) wanted over ten times.

GRAZIA INTERVIEW

It’s the first time doing a photoshoot with just you two, right? HC,DH (at the same time) yes.

Were the other members not jealous? DH They were making fun of us saying “We’re going to sleep in~” HC (They said that they’re) happy that they don’t have a schedule. But the other members are probably at the practice room right now as well.

(We’re) curious what time of conversation was passed on the way to the studio. HC The two (we) didn’t say a single word (laughs).

Really? (We) heard that (you) two are the most chatty, (I) guess not. HC It’s the truth. (But) in the morning(, we) two (both) don’t have words (don’t talk a lot). Normally(,) even if it’s just (us) two(, we’re) on fire (chatty).

What do you guys do to play normally? HC (I) drink alcohol (laughs). DH (I) eat outside, (and) eat inside the dorm as well. HC But because this friend ran away from the dorm…, DH Look at this hyung? Don’t misunderstand. (He) means that (I) became independent from the dorm recently (left the dorms to live on his own).

Yongguk, who left the dorm first, left with the reason that “the members don’t clean.” Why did Daehyun leave the dorm? DH It’s the same. If (you) see Himchan hyung and Jongup’s cleaning style(,) anyone would want to run away. For example(, they) file (their) clothes on the floor like pancake. (I) suffer from rhinitis and also have sensitive skin(,) so (I) try to be clean(,) but this is impossible in the dorm.

(I) also saw the video where Daehyun scolded Himchan saying to please stop wearing my (Daehyun’s) clothes without permission. How is it recently? DH Yesterday as well(, Himchan) hyung wore without my permission the shoes that (I) left in the dorm and was caught red handed. So I plan to wear Himchan’s clothes (without permission) as well.

(We’re) curious how Himchan will counterattack? HC Daehyun and Yongguk are almost at the level of a neat freak. Especially Daehyun is an FM (Field Manual) type (sticks to the set plan). (He says that) everything has to go the way that it’s been planned for (his) heart to be settled. Sometimes(,) it’s tiring because of that. DH I’ll reveal something again. (Himchan) hyung has a lot of sleep(,) so it’s difficult waking him up every time in the morning. HC Ah! I thought of something to counterattack. When (we) drink alcohol(,) Daehyun often gets up (and leaves) first. Even if serious conversation is being passed(,) if it becomes the time that (he) had set to go home(, he) leaves without looking back. At those times(,) it’s somewhat disappointing (sad/hurting). DH If I don’t get up (and leave) like that(, you guys) are going to keep holding (me) to stay.

(You guys are an) idol group, is it alright if (you) keep talking about drinking alcohol? DH It’s alright, (because) I quit drinking alcohol (laughs). HC Is that why (you) eat so much recently? DH That’s right. Until before the music video recording(, I) lost a lot of weight(,) but because of this(, I) gained 4kg more. HC Ah~ Diet! (I) want to stop eating chicken breast.

(You guys) must be on a diet. DH (We) two both really like eating(,) but during promotion period(, we) control our gluttony. (Our) styles are a little different. (Himchan) hyung likes spreading out a variety of food and eating it(, while) I go for one food. HC Because it’s important for an artist to have a variety of experiences (laughs).

(I) think to gain experiences(,) traveling is the best choice. Do (you) travel as well? DH Early this year(, I) went to Sapporo. It was (my) first out of country travel(, but) it was really good. (I went) shopping, ate good things, (and) saw snow.

What did Himchan do during the break? HC I went to New York and LA and came back. When B.A.P had a little over a year’s worth of break(, I) lived in New York for about three months(; but I) want to go back. (I) traveled around wherever my feet led me.

(We) heard that (you guys are) leaving again on a world tour soon. (And) that (you) plan to open a Seoul concert prior to it in the coming March 24~26. DH Last year(, we) opened large concerts at a lot of different countries(, but) this time(, we) plan to hold smaller concerts at less countries. Should (I) say that it’s closer to a fanmeeting? HC (We) planned a lot of time to communicate with the fans.

During the past winter(,) Bang Yongguk(,) who is both the leader as well as the oldest hyung(,) had to leave the team temporarily due to his panic disorder diagnosis. (We’re) glad that (you guys) could promote again as 6 (and) a whole again. DH (I) believed that Yongguk hyung will return healthy again, but (I) didn’t think that this day would come this quickly. HC (I feel) that finally now B.A.P has become perfect again. Not only just Yongguk, but it feels really empty when someone leaves the team.

Matching teamwork again after a long time(,) what type of conversation was passed? DH (We) each calmly welcomed (Yongguk) hyung’s return in our own ways. (I feel that) this type of method fits the best for someone that is manly and with little words like Yongguk hyung. HC Rather than words(,) it’s more important to show (him) trust with actions.

In place of Yongguk(,) Himchan(,) who is the same age as Yongguk(,) acted as the leader. HC There was a lot of burden. Because Yongguk and I have different methods of leading the team(,) our connection with the members fit well(, but since I) had to act alone as half of a leader. DH The two are complete opposites. If you compare it to a family(,) Yongguk hyung is the simple (and) brave (dependable) father(, while) Himchan hyung(,) should I say(,) like closer to the kind mother who shows plenty of affection? HC Perhaps because of that(,) the dongsaengs (the younger members) treated me like whatever (laughs). DH Hey, we worked harder to treat (you) more comfortably because you might suffer alone. Since Himchan hyung often plays along with the dongsaengs (the younger members) goofing around. Anyways(,) for B.A.P(,) both hyungs are necessary.

When did (you) feel Yongguk’s absence the most? HC When (we) got on the stage. (We were) worried that due to Yongguk’s absence the empty space might look big. DH Moreover(,) it was when we had released a full album and not a single(,) so it’s the truth that we were under confusion as well. But in times like this(, we) as five worked “really, honestly, (to our) greatest extent” the hardest. HC And that is why the result of the single album <Rose> released March 7th is really important. It is of course Yongguk’s return, (but there are also) a lot of situations tied in.

What type of situations are (you) talking about? HC Early this year(,) B.A.P faced our fifth anniversary. While happy in one part(, I was worried) that the days that B.A.P can promote as a whole is not that much left. Firstly(,) Yongguk and my age is now twenty eight…, DH This means that after about 2 years(,) the (Yongguk and Himchan) hyungs have to go to military. HC (I) don’t think that there has been a time that B.A.P as a whole has been able to complete a big picture. So that is why during the preparation of this album(, I) portrayed my opinion strongly more than before.

(We heard that) while choosing the title song(,) it was changed 4 times. In this step as well(,) was Himchan’s influence big as well? DH There were three songs in competing. At first(,) by the company’s suggestions(,) ‘Distopia’ was the prime candidate as the title song. But giving this and that different reasons(,) Himchan hyung persisted on ‘Diamond 4 Ya’. The other members were for ‘Wake Me Up’. HC (I) felt that ‘Distopia’ was too obvious (a choice), (and I) didn’t like the beginning arrangement of ‘Wake Me Up’. But if (B.A.P released) a trendy song like ‘Diamond 4 Ya’(, I felt that) it could be a chance for B.A.P to advance one step further.

In the end(, you guys are) promoting ‘Wake Me Up’. HC (I) quickly folded my stubbornness (gave up) (laughs). Instead(,) while arranging ‘Wake Me Up’, (I) strongly requested that “please have this be done this way, (and) that be done that way.”

Looking over B.A.P’s promotion records(,) there wasn’t a lot of the members’ personal promotions. Is there no plans to release albums as a solo or a unit(,) or to expand your areas toward acting or entertainment? DH (I) feel that it will remain this way for a while. Last year November, while promoting a song called ‘SKYDIVE’(, I) suddenly had this thought. “Ah, (I) should try working harder as a whole group!” HC There are still a lot of people that do not know about B.A.P’s existence (laughs). DH This is the first time I’m saying this here(, but). (I am) really thankful of Himchan hyung(,) and on another side sorry. (Himchan) hyung is talented in many ways in music as well as entertainment skills, but (Himchan) always puts team promotions first.

What part of Daehyun does Himchan think is outstanding? HC Acting, leading (a program), singing, dance, et cetera(,) whatever he does(, it feels) natural. (He also) gets along with whatever group he is with. So (I) often push him saying, “do something,” but Daehyun keeps taking his foot out (not going with it).

Are you following after (Himchan) hyung’s meaning to put team activities first? DH It’s more that (I) don’t think it’s time yet. (Perhaps that I want to) polish up a little more? There has been times that (I) attempted this and that while not completely prepared and ended up disappointed. HC But still starting from the end of this year(, we) plan to expand personal activities. Perhaps (we’ll) start from B.A.P’s main MC Youngjae.

From on forth(,) how will the two people(Himchan and Daehyun)’s life flow on? HC (I feel) firstly that (I) want to focus on this moment (now). (You) can’t tell what’ll happen even tomorrow(,) so how can (you) draw out a far future. DH (I) can’t think of anything else other than practicing so that (I) may become a closer to perfection as a singer. HC But(,) if there is one thing that (I) wish for(, it’s that) even after coming back from military service(,) that (I) want to (still) be a B.A.P member. DH It will be like that. You can believe it. Rather than words(,) I’ll show it through actions, like (Himchan) hyung!

GRAZIA (그라치아) APRIL EDITION KRN > ENG TRANS BY @BANILLAJOKO (TWITTER) DO NOT TAKE WITHOUT CREDIT

[theresgloryforyou]

The furor over the “bathroom bill” in North Carolina has given the trans movement the perfect kindling to continue fostering their campaign of nationwide acceptance. It has also sparked a semi-hysterical “transphobic” backlash of self-righteous traditionalists.

I do not consider myself in either camp. I approach this topic with a wrenching awareness of what it feels like to be disconnected from your body, to hate with every fiber of your being the way you look in the mirror, and to be willing to undergo great feats of self-mutilation to achieve a vision that is always just out of grasp. My perspective on the matter, however, probably would not go over well among most LGBTQ individuals. As a person who has struggled with anorexia nervosa since puberty, the transgender anguish resonates with me. The similarities between the two illnesses are striking. Yet one is an identity, and the other is a disorder. Why?

At the heart of gender dysphoria is a paradoxical desire to be characterized as something one simultaneously declares is ineffable (i.e. gender roles are illusory cultural constructs, but I yearn to concretely embody that illusion). The contradictory desire in transgenderism is similar in hopelessness as the desire in anorexia. The goal is to be thin, and one is never thin enough until one is dead. The goal is to be a sex other than one’s biological makeup, and one cannot alter one’s chromosomes and genetic makeup.

If a man wants to wear makeup, dresses, even get breast implants, who are we to stop him? If he wants to legally change his name to Maureen, great! But language policing, the implication that by misusing a pronoun we are savaging a person’s very core, is untenable. Using “he” instead of “she” may very well hurt someone’s feelings, but that is a level of sensitivity on par with agoraphobia (fear of crowded or enclosed public spaces). The onus is on the person to find ways of coping. The world cannot be responsible for validating a confusing, opaque issue that has been too quickly transferred from “disorder” to “condition,” from irrational to heroic.

An All-Consuming Desire to Alter One’s Self

Advocates insist that gender dysphoria is not a pathology. The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) describes a disorder as “a description of something with which a person might struggle, not a description of the person or the person’s identity.” This is an absurd string of verbiage. A person’s identity is not his or her biological sex. That is part of a person’s identity.

However, many individuals with gender dysphoria feel they must try to change their outward appearance to match this inner ideal. Due to the physiological makeup of the human body, however, this attempt is often a mighty undertaking. One may even go so far as to say it’s a struggle. The intensity of this all-consuming desire to alter one’s self is what I find most similar to my own illness. We cannot rest until the outside matches the inside.

Many individuals with eating disorders assume an identity centered completely on that disorder. According to an article on the Social Issues Research Centre website, pro-anorexia websites espouse starvation as “the right lifestyle choice for them, and will allow them to achieve happiness and perfection.” Imagine if someone with crippling obsessive-compulsive disorder about germs could impose his beliefs. We’d be obligated to all carry gloves and wear face masks.

The same could be said for a chronically depressed exhibitionist. Accommodation and what is essentially encouraging a delusion is bound to “improve” the life of an individual who has felt like an alien in her own body for years. Unfortunately social support will never change the basic biological facts. Clinging to an illusion does not make a person crazy, marginalized, or inferior. It makes him human.

Remember Your Descartes? Feelings Aren’t Reliable

We cannot rely on our “feelings,” as strong as they are. If I relied on my feelings, I’d be dead. Why? Because my feelings tell me that eating food means gaining weight, and gaining weight is intolerable. Transgender children are apparently absolutely sure they were born in the wrong body. It is a belief held so deeply that we throw out all the entrenched knowledge of psychology and mental illness to appease it.

People with anorexia can often trace their discomfort with their own bodies back to early childhood, as well. Both situations are abstract feelings that clearly contradict reality. The certainty that one is a woman despite being born a man sounds awfully similar to the conviction that one’s body is overweight even when body-mass index is at starvation levels. The feeling of hunger—the most primal, ingrained of physiological response—impels the individual to abstain. Can you question the depth of that belief?

No one with any understanding of the matter is denying that a mismatch exists between the person’s brain and her body. The approach to “wellness” however, is hopelessly backward. The brain is the component of this puzzle with the capacity for immense plasticity. Noninvasive reconditioning occurs every day. The body is the factor that is hardest to alter in any meaningful way. So why are sex-reassignment surgeries the gold-standard treatment method in gender dysphoria literature? Why is such a drastic, violent procedure championed so fiercely?

The question is not whether someone’s identity should be validated, but whether the validation should accompany an attempt to fabricate an impossible artifice. If a man feels he is a woman on the inside, this begs the question: What is a woman? The unswervingly nebulous explanations that abound in defense of transgender rights echo the desperate bravado of the pro-ana crowd.

Adults have the right to dress, act, and live however they damn well please. But the swiftness with which the transgender “condition” has been accepted as mentally healthy is unfair to both the public at large and the individuals themselves. There are no 100 percent effective treatments for anorexia nervosa, but that doesn’t mean that’s how my mind is supposed to work and I should embrace it. The same should apply to gender dysphoria.

Moira Fleming is a writer and social worker currently pursuing her MSW at West Chester University.

[standupmagazine-blog]

Why we wanted to get involved in that boring subject called politics

What do you do when the unthinkable happens? Twice in 2016, I awoke to that question after a long night of dozing and starts in front of rolling news coverage. That now infamous morning on November was a haze of nagging dread and disbelief. What now? At midday driving through the streets of Sunderland to get to St Peter’s campus, the roads were still sleepy. The radio chat was of aching voices, all echoing the same shock. Nobody could understand how it had happened. Nobody understood how America could have chosen a man who had been caught on tape bragging about sexual assault as president. Trump represented erratic bigotry. He threw out slurs and hatred at each rally, and gave different promises with every speech. Nobody knew what that would mean, but hope had been extinguished. The helplessness that Remainers had felt in the summer had trebled; there was some comfort in knowing that Brexit was an isolated event — that was our country’s choice alone but now there was guilt. Had Brexit inspired a wider lurch to the right? It was fitting that my reaction was to want to surround myself with my peers at Sunderland university. In July, Sunderland unexpectedly felt the global spotlight. The New York Times even wrote on how this poor city had voted overwhelmingly for Brexit despite the pain it would inflict, and now we were looking at the US and muttering the same shock about their choice. On days like those nothing gets done. Our tutor gave up in defeat and for our three-hour session, he threw out the lesson plan to discuss business models and gave us the time to vent, rage, and almost cry over the state of everything; from Trump, Brexit, climate change, marginalisation, the economy and to the silencing of young people. The (ever annoyingly hot) IT suite was filled with a buzzing rage that choices were being made for our futures without our consent. Unless journalists on the campus speciailise in politics, it’s not an everyday conversation people usually have, but now that changed. It was the only topic that mattered. The political discourse had failed our generation, and as aspiring journalists there was a feeling of betrayal. Perhaps I should revise my statement, because while it seemed as though nothing was achieved (except venting) a seed was planted. The five of us left that MA session feeling just as angry as before, yes, but also curious; perhaps if we worked there was something we could do. If there was any chance the Christmas break or January exams and deadline stress would distract us from the goings on of the world then it was quickly shattered when Trump confirmed he would stick by his promises, including building the wall in Mexico, and May offering nothing but a hard Brexit at any cost so long as it curbed migration. The world was burning on hate, and we’d had enough. This semester we were tasked with creating a magazine — just one — and we could choose the groups. It was a nice project; to test our design skills and our journalistic dedication but it just wasn’t satisfying. We wanted more than doing what was easy for the marks. The five of us banded together and came up with one vision: Stand Up. Never was this going to be a one magazine project, this was about getting the magazine out there to thousands of people and trying to change. This was starting our own movement, and amplifying silenced voices. We don’t have the millions in the bank that most magazines do; we actually have a grand total of zero but we have resources around us and we’re all working around the clock. The UK feels at a crisis point and quite simply, we have to do something for all of our futures.

We want to get involved with directing the narrative of the UK, but we want other people our age to feel empowered to do the same. Our writing will reflect that; we’ll list events going on around the country and find new (and accessible ways) for people to engage in politics. The challenges though, do go beyond money - but let’s face it, that’s always going to be a major stumbling block for any start up. In my course, I could not have asked for a better team. We’re loud, we have different likes but there’s an unwavering respect that means we can debate different ideas. It’s also just fun with these guys. To be honest, university gets in the way of our group chat — but there was a major problem of a project of this nature being handed to five people who just happen to be on the same course. We’ve got great representation of gender, disability, sexuality but we’re all white. In a political magazine, that’s just a major question mark against us from the beginning and rightfully so. Coming up with a plan to try to make this magazine as intersectional as possible became even more critical, and from that very fundamental level it might not even be possible. We could just ignore race because none of us can talk about it without risking talking over people, but that means we end up with a magazine that only reflects whiteness and then what’s the point? So we go back to the core of journalism and we do it right. Have you ever noticed that with almost every allyship thinkpiece, whether it be about race, trans rights, women’s rights, whatever, that the ally who penned it always has to put in somewhere “I’m so shocked that this is happening”. I don’t know when journalism came about “I”, the individual, but it’s not supposed to be, unless offering profound insight. For example: a marginalised person commenting on their experiences. An ally commenting on their experiences of others suffering and how shocked they are doesn’t count. Stand Up then needs to utilise our journalists by using us to amplify silenced voices. We’re just a means to an end for community workers, volunteers, unsung heroes etc to have their voices heard. We write for them. If we were a panel show, then we’d be the guys picking who would speak on the panel and then recording it for them. A journalist should be able to step away from themselves, it’s about the people they’re interviewing and the story at hand after all, not about us. We are seeking out as many diverse sources as possible. You know a disabled march we could feature? Great, but did the trans woman of colour find the march a safe space? Body positivity? Excellent, are there visibly disabled people in the movement? Journalism is complicit in the rise of the far right across the UK, Europe and the US by pandering to the right wing at the expense of marginalised people. This cannot happen here. We are constrained by the remit of the project. Not many magazines start out in this way. We have a single issue Brexit special to deliver which is for our MA (but about so much more than that). However, if successful we are keen to make this a monthly fixture. If the desire for the magazine is there, after the first issue there’s a lot more freedom. We can expand our team and hire more diverse writers. Until then, we have to prove that this is a respected outlet people can trust, so that they want to be associated with the brand. If we raise a profit, then that will go to paying our writers. I don’t agree with any organisation who doesn’t pay their writers (and I’ve worked at many outlets I respect and admire without pay). I’m not too proud to ask for donations so I can give money to my staff. They work damn hard and they deserve paying. Writers’ wages are an intersectional issue; those who are expected to work for free are often marginalised in some way. While middle class politicians can walk into a journalism job at a respected outlet, get paid hundreds or thousands for eight hour working weeks, marginalised writers are struggling to make it above the poverty line. I’m immensely proud of our ambitions, which were inspired by one university deadline. Hey, people are always talking down the work ethic of students, right? Well, we’ve got a huge uphill battle to climb so we can get credibility and funding, but we’re doing this because it’s simply right. We have an opportunity to try, we may never get access to design equipment like we have at the university. Just maybe, we might be able to empower a few people, or inspire a few young people to take action against fascism or stand in solidarity with marginalised people. Hannah, Siarlot, Alice and Lee have also made quite a frightening reality actually a challenge to relish. Most of the team didn’t get into journalism because of politics, but this kind of magazine is exactly why we chose this career because it’s founded on the belief that writing and broadcasting can change the world. It’s up to us to decide how we’re going to use that chance to try to make things better.

#WeStandUp

Over to your questions….

Will your magazine feature feminist advertising?

Yes, although this is our kind of default mode (and it should be for every publication anyway). We want to empower young people and it wouldn’t work to have something antifeminist feature in Stand Up. Not one of us would want that kind of content there anyway!

What has been your hardest decision?

We were offered a pretty amazing advertising deal, and it’s very early in the day for something like that. There’s a temptation just to run with it when you get an offer but it didn’t quite fit our brand. We’re going to be very content heavy, there’s not going to be a great deal of ad space in our magazine and so the link up didn’t quite marry at that moment. There may be a future deal of a different nature but it’s about having the steel to say “this isn’t quite right for us” and not just see the short-term potential and dive in at the expense of the long-term goal.

What has been the easiest consensus?

That if I forget to bring the chocolate to the next editorial meeting I’m out.

Will Stand Up be featuring youth councils as a general overview or as a regular feature? Youth councils are definitely what we’re watching and no doubt will be a great source for some of our content. Their achievements are fantastic and we do want to celebrate people getting on and trying to change things. Our brand though is looking to young people who feel overwhelmed and left behind. We want to give them a voice and find new ways of engagement. People in the youth councils are doing fantastic work, but that’s their outlet and they are engaging through that. It’s the young people who might want to join a youth council but don’t even know they exit that we’re primarily targeting. Their presence is likely to be more generic then and mentioned potentially in a range of articles rather than just having one youth council feature.

Stephanie Farnsworth

Editor, Stand Up

[awesomecolorfulcollectorwombat]

More Than 150 Companies Are Hoping This Woman Can Fix Their Diversity Problems

New Post has been published on https://delphi4arab.com/more-than-150-companies-are-hoping-this-woman-can-fix-their-diversity-problems/

More Than 150 Companies Are Hoping This Woman Can Fix Their Diversity Problems

For three days in February, 6,000 of people coursed in and out of the Castro Theater, a 1920s movie palace in San Francisco. They came to hear from Laurene Powell Jobs, Susan Wojcicki, and leaders from Amazon and Uber. They came to network. And a pithy marquee on the theater summed up their unifying mission: “Queer. Inclusive. Badass.”

The sixth-annual Lesbians Who Tech + Allies Summit was the largest LGBTQ event in the world. The attendees were roughly 80 percent queer women–but sexuality was just one element of diversity. Of those who spoke on stage, half were women of color, 30 percent were black or Latinx, and 15 percent transgender or gender non-conforming. 

“We are 100 percent about providing value to queer women. We just don’t have this type of community anywhere else in the world,” said Leanne Pittsford, the founder of Lesbians Who Tech. “That we can do this and be visible and also host a damn good tech conference–that inspires people.”

The Summit is not only a place where leaders such as Sheryl Sandberg and Hillary Clinton fly in to speak, but also the physical gathering of just a fraction of the 50,000 members of the parent organization, Lesbians Who Tech, a social enterprise that Pittsford founded in 2013 and which has grown to 42 cities. In 2019, the organization is entering an inflection point, as what was once a conference-media business with a charitable arm aims to become a scalable technology company. “We already work with more than 150 companies looking to retain or recruit diverse talent,” Pittsford said. “Our partners were asking: How do we track hires? How do we actually hold ourselves accountable?” Now, she and LWT are building Include.io, a digital tool that aims to do precisely that.

Before Pittsford dreamed up her organization, she had been analyzing data and building online fundraising tools for a group opposing Proposition 8, a California ballot measure that would have eliminated rights of same-sex couples to marry. She says she was shocked to discover that the people funding the LGBTQ movement were majority white cisgender men, a term that refers to men who identify with the gender with which they were born. “It was a clear wake-up call for me. The people who would benefit from the movement weren’t funding it. Even the women with the money weren’t spending it,” she said.

Simultaneously, she realized that tech events for the queer community in and around San Francisco always seemed to be 90 percent male. “There’s nothing for us,” she said. No cohesive community, no gathering, no movement, no money spending–even for those women who identified as queer in lucrative Silicon Valley jobs. She wondered: could someone or something change that? Could she change that?

Finding a Purpose, and an Audience

Pittsford grew up in a conservative military family in San Diego, and in the early 2000s was living in San Francisco with her brother. As adults, they still struggled with having been taught as kids that all gay people were going to hell. With support from her brother, and working for a pro-LGBTQ human rights organization, Pittsford became more comfortable with her sexuality. Then, one Tuesday morning in 2010 she arrived home to discover that her brother–the only supportive person in her life–had died in his sleep of cardiomyopathy. “My heart was just broken,” she says. “It gave me a sense that I should take risks, give back and do something larger than myself.”

Pittsford’s grief was heavy that year, in which she left her comfortable job doing policy work at Equity California. “I was close to [starting my own venture], but that moment really sped it up for me,” she said. She started working independently, doing data work, and building websites and tools for other businesses.

In the evenings, she subverted her introversion and began networking, and throwing small happy hours for queer women. In 2014 she decided to host what she dubbed a “Summit” for her burgeoning organization, Lesbians Who Tech. It was to be part networking with like-minded people, part technology conference, and part social-justice rally. “I thought it wouldn’t work,” she said. “Because lesbians never show up, they never go out.” 

Megan Smith, a vice president at Google who would soon be tapped to be the chief technology officer of the United States by President Barack Obama, walked in the door at 7 a.m. Next, Smith’s then-partner Kara Swisher walked in. Eight hundred people bought tickets–and a few big companies sponsored it. Pittsford was floored: “It was the first time I thought it could be a real thing.”

Over the past six years, the conferences have gained a cult following among queer technologists and executives. LaFawn Davis, the head of inclusion and culture at Twilio, has attended multiple LWT conferences, and adores them so much she jokes they are “lesbian Disneyland.” For her, the long weekends are a chance to immerse herself in a community that is still rare in the tech world. “I get to be surrounded by queer executives! Queer engineers! Imagine!” And over the years she’s also built a network and found job candidates through it.

The Lesbians Who Tech parent organization, though, is an unusual enterprise: it’s part 501(c)(3) and part LLC; a community organization that offers substantial coding scholarships to women, and a mission-driven media business that puts on conferences. 

By 2017, Pittsford realized she needed to solve LWT’s messy structural issue. The organization would need real profits to grow, and to give its now-massive network significant value outside of the conferences. “I came from the nonprofit space, and it’s not the most scalable path,” she said.

Holding Tech Accountable

Aside from ticket sales, the conferences generated revenue through sponsors such as Google, Amazon, and Slack, who also would send speakers and attendees to the events. LWT became a natural recruiting tool for them–but it was totally informal. Once executives at these companies started asking Pittsford how they could improve their diversity hiring and retention and track it, she saw the future of her business before her eyes.

LWT could offer a hiring platform featuring its members, which the organization describes as mid-level and executive LGBTQ women, non-binary, and trans techies–many of whom are also people of color–as well as their allies. The platform could help companies track their ongoing progress in diversity hiring. Pittsford envisioned Include.io, which has 10,000 beta users, as a way to “scale access to direct referrals” from a different pool of talent than the existing employees at large tech companies.

“We are trying to find a way to get referrals to, say, the talented self-taught female programmer in New Orleans who might not know anyone in San Francisco,” Pittsford said. 

“Things like unconscious bias training aren’t working,” she added. “You have to fight it every day–with intention–and this product lets companies do that.”

Include.io has been in beta since June of 2018, and Pittsford says 200 companies have signed up to use it once it’s live later this year. But she has some structural work to do before launch. The company’s Oakland office hasn’t attracted or retained enough tech talent itself to scale Include.io, so she’s setting up a development team in New York, hoping to add three to five more people to the scrappy staff of nine. She says San Francisco is the “Wild West of talent poaching,” where small organizations can’t compete for developers who can command salaries approaching $200,000.

“This has been the hardest year of my professional life,” she said. She’s running a mission-driven organization at the speed of a startup, trying to figure out how fast it can grow and scale without burning out her team–or herself.

Being part of the solution to tech’s diversity problem, however, is what keeps her going every day. Pittsford says she hopes once Include.io is out to the public, it will make executives more comfortable about their own abilities to recruit, hire, and maintain a diverse workforce.

“I still would love to see a CEO say, ‘we are going to be 30 percent black and Latinx by X year,'” she said. “We really feel like something has got to change. Something has got to give.”

[smartwebhostingblog]

More Than 150 Companies Are Hoping This Woman Can Fix Their Diversity Problems

New Post has been published on http://web-hosting-top12.com/2019/04/05/more-than-150-companies-are-hoping-this-woman-can-fix-their-diversity-problems/

More Than 150 Companies Are Hoping This Woman Can Fix Their Diversity Problems

For three days in February, 6,000 of people coursed in and out of the Castro Theater, a 1920s movie palace in San Francisco. They came to hear from Laurene Powell Jobs, Susan Wojcicki, and leaders from Amazon and Uber. They came to network. And a pithy marquee on the theater summed up their unifying mission: “Queer. Inclusive. Badass.”

The sixth-annual Lesbians Who Tech + Allies Summit was the largest LGBTQ event in the world. The attendees were roughly 80 percent queer women–but sexuality was just one element of diversity. Of those who spoke on stage, half were women of color, 30 percent were black or Latinx, and 15 percent transgender or gender non-conforming. 

“We are 100 percent about providing value to queer women. We just don’t have this type of community anywhere else in the world,” said Leanne Pittsford, the founder of Lesbians Who Tech. “That we can do this and be visible and also host a damn good tech conference–that inspires people.”

The Summit is not only a place where leaders such as Sheryl Sandberg and Hillary Clinton fly in to speak, but also the physical gathering of just a fraction of the 50,000 members of the parent organization, Lesbians Who Tech, a social enterprise that Pittsford founded in 2013 and which has grown to 42 cities. In 2019, the organization is entering an inflection point, as what was once a conference-media business with a charitable arm aims to become a scalable technology company. “We already work with more than 150 companies looking to retain or recruit diverse talent,” Pittsford said. “Our partners were asking: How do we track hires? How do we actually hold ourselves accountable?” Now, she and LWT are building Include.io, a digital tool that aims to do precisely that.

Before Pittsford dreamed up her organization, she had been analyzing data and building online fundraising tools for a group opposing Proposition 8, a California ballot measure that would have eliminated rights of same-sex couples to marry. She says she was shocked to discover that the people funding the LGBTQ movement were majority white cisgender men, a term that refers to men who identify with the gender with which they were born. “It was a clear wake-up call for me. The people who would benefit from the movement weren’t funding it. Even the women with the money weren’t spending it,” she said.

Simultaneously, she realized that tech events for the queer community in and around San Francisco always seemed to be 90 percent male. “There’s nothing for us,” she said. No cohesive community, no gathering, no movement, no money spending–even for those women who identified as queer in lucrative Silicon Valley jobs. She wondered: could someone or something change that? Could she change that?

Finding a Purpose, and an Audience

Pittsford grew up in a conservative military family in San Diego, and in the early 2000s was living in San Francisco with her brother. As adults, they still struggled with having been taught as kids that all gay people were going to hell. With support from her brother, and working for a pro-LGBTQ human rights organization, Pittsford became more comfortable with her sexuality. Then, one Tuesday morning in 2010 she arrived home to discover that her brother–the only supportive person in her life–had died in his sleep of cardiomyopathy. “My heart was just broken,” she says. “It gave me a sense that I should take risks, give back and do something larger than myself.”

Pittsford’s grief was heavy that year, in which she left her comfortable job doing policy work at Equity California. “I was close to [starting my own venture], but that moment really sped it up for me,” she said. She started working independently, doing data work, and building websites and tools for other businesses.

In the evenings, she subverted her introversion and began networking, and throwing small happy hours for queer women. In 2014 she decided to host what she dubbed a “Summit” for her burgeoning organization, Lesbians Who Tech. It was to be part networking with like-minded people, part technology conference, and part social-justice rally. “I thought it wouldn’t work,” she said. “Because lesbians never show up, they never go out.” 

Megan Smith, a vice president at Google who would soon be tapped to be the chief technology officer of the United States by President Barack Obama, walked in the door at 7 a.m. Next, Smith’s then-partner Kara Swisher walked in. Eight hundred people bought tickets–and a few big companies sponsored it. Pittsford was floored: “It was the first time I thought it could be a real thing.”

Over the past six years, the conferences have gained a cult following among queer technologists and executives. LaFawn Davis, the head of inclusion and culture at Twilio, has attended multiple LWT conferences, and adores them so much she jokes they are “lesbian Disneyland.” For her, the long weekends are a chance to immerse herself in a community that is still rare in the tech world. “I get to be surrounded by queer executives! Queer engineers! Imagine!” And over the years she’s also built a network and found job candidates through it.

The Lesbians Who Tech parent organization, though, is an unusual enterprise: it’s part 501(c)(3) and part LLC; a community organization that offers substantial coding scholarships to women, and a mission-driven media business that puts on conferences. 

By 2017, Pittsford realized she needed to solve LWT’s messy structural issue. The organization would need real profits to grow, and to give its now-massive network significant value outside of the conferences. “I came from the nonprofit space, and it’s not the most scalable path,” she said.

Holding Tech Accountable

Aside from ticket sales, the conferences generated revenue through sponsors such as Google, Amazon, and Slack, who also would send speakers and attendees to the events. LWT became a natural recruiting tool for them–but it was totally informal. Once executives at these companies started asking Pittsford how they could improve their diversity hiring and retention and track it, she saw the future of her business before her eyes.

LWT could offer a hiring platform featuring its members, which the organization describes as mid-level and executive LGBTQ women, non-binary, and trans techies–many of whom are also people of color–as well as their allies. The platform could help companies track their ongoing progress in diversity hiring. Pittsford envisioned Include.io, which has 10,000 beta users, as a way to “scale access to direct referrals” from a different pool of talent than the existing employees at large tech companies.

“We are trying to find a way to get referrals to, say, the talented self-taught female programmer in New Orleans who might not know anyone in San Francisco,” Pittsford said. 

“Things like unconscious bias training aren’t working,” she added. “You have to fight it every day–with intention–and this product lets companies do that.”

Include.io has been in beta since June of 2018, and Pittsford says 200 companies have signed up to use it once it’s live later this year. But she has some structural work to do before launch. The company’s Oakland office hasn’t attracted or retained enough tech talent itself to scale Include.io, so she’s setting up a development team in New York, hoping to add three to five more people to the scrappy staff of nine. She says San Francisco is the “Wild West of talent poaching,” where small organizations can’t compete for developers who can command salaries approaching $200,000.

“This has been the hardest year of my professional life,” she said. She’s running a mission-driven organization at the speed of a startup, trying to figure out how fast it can grow and scale without burning out her team–or herself.

Being part of the solution to tech’s diversity problem, however, is what keeps her going every day. Pittsford says she hopes once Include.io is out to the public, it will make executives more comfortable about their own abilities to recruit, hire, and maintain a diverse workforce.

“I still would love to see a CEO say, ‘we are going to be 30 percent black and Latinx by X year,'” she said. “We really feel like something has got to change. Something has got to give.”

[lazilysillyprince]

More Than 150 Companies Are Hoping This Woman Can Fix Their Diversity Problems

New Post has been published on http://web-hosting-top12.com/2019/04/05/more-than-150-companies-are-hoping-this-woman-can-fix-their-diversity-problems/

More Than 150 Companies Are Hoping This Woman Can Fix Their Diversity Problems

For three days in February, 6,000 of people coursed in and out of the Castro Theater, a 1920s movie palace in San Francisco. They came to hear from Laurene Powell Jobs, Susan Wojcicki, and leaders from Amazon and Uber. They came to network. And a pithy marquee on the theater summed up their unifying mission: “Queer. Inclusive. Badass.”

The sixth-annual Lesbians Who Tech + Allies Summit was the largest LGBTQ event in the world. The attendees were roughly 80 percent queer women–but sexuality was just one element of diversity. Of those who spoke on stage, half were women of color, 30 percent were black or Latinx, and 15 percent transgender or gender non-conforming. 

“We are 100 percent about providing value to queer women. We just don’t have this type of community anywhere else in the world,” said Leanne Pittsford, the founder of Lesbians Who Tech. “That we can do this and be visible and also host a damn good tech conference–that inspires people.”

The Summit is not only a place where leaders such as Sheryl Sandberg and Hillary Clinton fly in to speak, but also the physical gathering of just a fraction of the 50,000 members of the parent organization, Lesbians Who Tech, a social enterprise that Pittsford founded in 2013 and which has grown to 42 cities. In 2019, the organization is entering an inflection point, as what was once a conference-media business with a charitable arm aims to become a scalable technology company. “We already work with more than 150 companies looking to retain or recruit diverse talent,” Pittsford said. “Our partners were asking: How do we track hires? How do we actually hold ourselves accountable?” Now, she and LWT are building Include.io, a digital tool that aims to do precisely that.

Before Pittsford dreamed up her organization, she had been analyzing data and building online fundraising tools for a group opposing Proposition 8, a California ballot measure that would have eliminated rights of same-sex couples to marry. She says she was shocked to discover that the people funding the LGBTQ movement were majority white cisgender men, a term that refers to men who identify with the gender with which they were born. “It was a clear wake-up call for me. The people who would benefit from the movement weren’t funding it. Even the women with the money weren’t spending it,” she said.

Simultaneously, she realized that tech events for the queer community in and around San Francisco always seemed to be 90 percent male. “There’s nothing for us,” she said. No cohesive community, no gathering, no movement, no money spending–even for those women who identified as queer in lucrative Silicon Valley jobs. She wondered: could someone or something change that? Could she change that?

Finding a Purpose, and an Audience

Pittsford grew up in a conservative military family in San Diego, and in the early 2000s was living in San Francisco with her brother. As adults, they still struggled with having been taught as kids that all gay people were going to hell. With support from her brother, and working for a pro-LGBTQ human rights organization, Pittsford became more comfortable with her sexuality. Then, one Tuesday morning in 2010 she arrived home to discover that her brother–the only supportive person in her life–had died in his sleep of cardiomyopathy. “My heart was just broken,” she says. “It gave me a sense that I should take risks, give back and do something larger than myself.”

Pittsford’s grief was heavy that year, in which she left her comfortable job doing policy work at Equity California. “I was close to [starting my own venture], but that moment really sped it up for me,” she said. She started working independently, doing data work, and building websites and tools for other businesses.

In the evenings, she subverted her introversion and began networking, and throwing small happy hours for queer women. In 2014 she decided to host what she dubbed a “Summit” for her burgeoning organization, Lesbians Who Tech. It was to be part networking with like-minded people, part technology conference, and part social-justice rally. “I thought it wouldn’t work,” she said. “Because lesbians never show up, they never go out.” 

Megan Smith, a vice president at Google who would soon be tapped to be the chief technology officer of the United States by President Barack Obama, walked in the door at 7 a.m. Next, Smith’s then-partner Kara Swisher walked in. Eight hundred people bought tickets–and a few big companies sponsored it. Pittsford was floored: “It was the first time I thought it could be a real thing.”

Over the past six years, the conferences have gained a cult following among queer technologists and executives. LaFawn Davis, the head of inclusion and culture at Twilio, has attended multiple LWT conferences, and adores them so much she jokes they are “lesbian Disneyland.” For her, the long weekends are a chance to immerse herself in a community that is still rare in the tech world. “I get to be surrounded by queer executives! Queer engineers! Imagine!” And over the years she’s also built a network and found job candidates through it.

The Lesbians Who Tech parent organization, though, is an unusual enterprise: it’s part 501(c)(3) and part LLC; a community organization that offers substantial coding scholarships to women, and a mission-driven media business that puts on conferences. 

By 2017, Pittsford realized she needed to solve LWT’s messy structural issue. The organization would need real profits to grow, and to give its now-massive network significant value outside of the conferences. “I came from the nonprofit space, and it’s not the most scalable path,” she said.

Holding Tech Accountable

Aside from ticket sales, the conferences generated revenue through sponsors such as Google, Amazon, and Slack, who also would send speakers and attendees to the events. LWT became a natural recruiting tool for them–but it was totally informal. Once executives at these companies started asking Pittsford how they could improve their diversity hiring and retention and track it, she saw the future of her business before her eyes.

LWT could offer a hiring platform featuring its members, which the organization describes as mid-level and executive LGBTQ women, non-binary, and trans techies–many of whom are also people of color–as well as their allies. The platform could help companies track their ongoing progress in diversity hiring. Pittsford envisioned Include.io, which has 10,000 beta users, as a way to “scale access to direct referrals” from a different pool of talent than the existing employees at large tech companies.

“We are trying to find a way to get referrals to, say, the talented self-taught female programmer in New Orleans who might not know anyone in San Francisco,” Pittsford said. 

“Things like unconscious bias training aren’t working,” she added. “You have to fight it every day–with intention–and this product lets companies do that.”

Include.io has been in beta since June of 2018, and Pittsford says 200 companies have signed up to use it once it’s live later this year. But she has some structural work to do before launch. The company’s Oakland office hasn’t attracted or retained enough tech talent itself to scale Include.io, so she’s setting up a development team in New York, hoping to add three to five more people to the scrappy staff of nine. She says San Francisco is the “Wild West of talent poaching,” where small organizations can’t compete for developers who can command salaries approaching $200,000.

“This has been the hardest year of my professional life,” she said. She’s running a mission-driven organization at the speed of a startup, trying to figure out how fast it can grow and scale without burning out her team–or herself.

Being part of the solution to tech’s diversity problem, however, is what keeps her going every day. Pittsford says she hopes once Include.io is out to the public, it will make executives more comfortable about their own abilities to recruit, hire, and maintain a diverse workforce.

“I still would love to see a CEO say, ‘we are going to be 30 percent black and Latinx by X year,'” she said. “We really feel like something has got to change. Something has got to give.”

[hostingnewsfeed]

More Than 150 Companies Are Hoping This Woman Can Fix Their Diversity Problems

New Post has been published on http://web-hosting-top12.com/2019/04/05/more-than-150-companies-are-hoping-this-woman-can-fix-their-diversity-problems/

More Than 150 Companies Are Hoping This Woman Can Fix Their Diversity Problems

For three days in February, 6,000 of people coursed in and out of the Castro Theater, a 1920s movie palace in San Francisco. They came to hear from Laurene Powell Jobs, Susan Wojcicki, and leaders from Amazon and Uber. They came to network. And a pithy marquee on the theater summed up their unifying mission: “Queer. Inclusive. Badass.”

The sixth-annual Lesbians Who Tech + Allies Summit was the largest LGBTQ event in the world. The attendees were roughly 80 percent queer women–but sexuality was just one element of diversity. Of those who spoke on stage, half were women of color, 30 percent were black or Latinx, and 15 percent transgender or gender non-conforming. 

“We are 100 percent about providing value to queer women. We just don’t have this type of community anywhere else in the world,” said Leanne Pittsford, the founder of Lesbians Who Tech. “That we can do this and be visible and also host a damn good tech conference–that inspires people.”

The Summit is not only a place where leaders such as Sheryl Sandberg and Hillary Clinton fly in to speak, but also the physical gathering of just a fraction of the 50,000 members of the parent organization, Lesbians Who Tech, a social enterprise that Pittsford founded in 2013 and which has grown to 42 cities. In 2019, the organization is entering an inflection point, as what was once a conference-media business with a charitable arm aims to become a scalable technology company. “We already work with more than 150 companies looking to retain or recruit diverse talent,” Pittsford said. “Our partners were asking: How do we track hires? How do we actually hold ourselves accountable?” Now, she and LWT are building Include.io, a digital tool that aims to do precisely that.

Before Pittsford dreamed up her organization, she had been analyzing data and building online fundraising tools for a group opposing Proposition 8, a California ballot measure that would have eliminated rights of same-sex couples to marry. She says she was shocked to discover that the people funding the LGBTQ movement were majority white cisgender men, a term that refers to men who identify with the gender with which they were born. “It was a clear wake-up call for me. The people who would benefit from the movement weren’t funding it. Even the women with the money weren’t spending it,” she said.

Simultaneously, she realized that tech events for the queer community in and around San Francisco always seemed to be 90 percent male. “There’s nothing for us,” she said. No cohesive community, no gathering, no movement, no money spending–even for those women who identified as queer in lucrative Silicon Valley jobs. She wondered: could someone or something change that? Could she change that?

Finding a Purpose, and an Audience

Pittsford grew up in a conservative military family in San Diego, and in the early 2000s was living in San Francisco with her brother. As adults, they still struggled with having been taught as kids that all gay people were going to hell. With support from her brother, and working for a pro-LGBTQ human rights organization, Pittsford became more comfortable with her sexuality. Then, one Tuesday morning in 2010 she arrived home to discover that her brother–the only supportive person in her life–had died in his sleep of cardiomyopathy. “My heart was just broken,” she says. “It gave me a sense that I should take risks, give back and do something larger than myself.”

Pittsford’s grief was heavy that year, in which she left her comfortable job doing policy work at Equity California. “I was close to [starting my own venture], but that moment really sped it up for me,” she said. She started working independently, doing data work, and building websites and tools for other businesses.

In the evenings, she subverted her introversion and began networking, and throwing small happy hours for queer women. In 2014 she decided to host what she dubbed a “Summit” for her burgeoning organization, Lesbians Who Tech. It was to be part networking with like-minded people, part technology conference, and part social-justice rally. “I thought it wouldn’t work,” she said. “Because lesbians never show up, they never go out.” 

Megan Smith, a vice president at Google who would soon be tapped to be the chief technology officer of the United States by President Barack Obama, walked in the door at 7 a.m. Next, Smith’s then-partner Kara Swisher walked in. Eight hundred people bought tickets–and a few big companies sponsored it. Pittsford was floored: “It was the first time I thought it could be a real thing.”

Over the past six years, the conferences have gained a cult following among queer technologists and executives. LaFawn Davis, the head of inclusion and culture at Twilio, has attended multiple LWT conferences, and adores them so much she jokes they are “lesbian Disneyland.” For her, the long weekends are a chance to immerse herself in a community that is still rare in the tech world. “I get to be surrounded by queer executives! Queer engineers! Imagine!” And over the years she’s also built a network and found job candidates through it.

The Lesbians Who Tech parent organization, though, is an unusual enterprise: it’s part 501(c)(3) and part LLC; a community organization that offers substantial coding scholarships to women, and a mission-driven media business that puts on conferences. 

By 2017, Pittsford realized she needed to solve LWT’s messy structural issue. The organization would need real profits to grow, and to give its now-massive network significant value outside of the conferences. “I came from the nonprofit space, and it’s not the most scalable path,” she said.

Holding Tech Accountable

Aside from ticket sales, the conferences generated revenue through sponsors such as Google, Amazon, and Slack, who also would send speakers and attendees to the events. LWT became a natural recruiting tool for them–but it was totally informal. Once executives at these companies started asking Pittsford how they could improve their diversity hiring and retention and track it, she saw the future of her business before her eyes.

LWT could offer a hiring platform featuring its members, which the organization describes as mid-level and executive LGBTQ women, non-binary, and trans techies–many of whom are also people of color–as well as their allies. The platform could help companies track their ongoing progress in diversity hiring. Pittsford envisioned Include.io, which has 10,000 beta users, as a way to “scale access to direct referrals” from a different pool of talent than the existing employees at large tech companies.

“We are trying to find a way to get referrals to, say, the talented self-taught female programmer in New Orleans who might not know anyone in San Francisco,” Pittsford said. 

“Things like unconscious bias training aren’t working,” she added. “You have to fight it every day–with intention–and this product lets companies do that.”

Include.io has been in beta since June of 2018, and Pittsford says 200 companies have signed up to use it once it’s live later this year. But she has some structural work to do before launch. The company’s Oakland office hasn’t attracted or retained enough tech talent itself to scale Include.io, so she’s setting up a development team in New York, hoping to add three to five more people to the scrappy staff of nine. She says San Francisco is the “Wild West of talent poaching,” where small organizations can’t compete for developers who can command salaries approaching $200,000.

“This has been the hardest year of my professional life,” she said. She’s running a mission-driven organization at the speed of a startup, trying to figure out how fast it can grow and scale without burning out her team–or herself.

Being part of the solution to tech’s diversity problem, however, is what keeps her going every day. Pittsford says she hopes once Include.io is out to the public, it will make executives more comfortable about their own abilities to recruit, hire, and maintain a diverse workforce.

“I still would love to see a CEO say, ‘we are going to be 30 percent black and Latinx by X year,'” she said. “We really feel like something has got to change. Something has got to give.”

[xander-robbinst0rres]

Xan the Trans*Boy || Pt. 3

Callie watched as, under the faint light of the dining room table (which may or may not have needed a few bulbs replaced, and it may or may not have been something she was asked to do something about), Arizona hunched over a stack of books, a highlighter in one hand and a pen scribbling notes on a legal pad with the other. Their kids had mostly gone to bed, save for Sofia, who was studying for a biology midterm. The sight before Callie now was eerily similar to the sight she’d witnessed of her oldest daughter just moments ago. 

As adorable as the glimpse into med school ‘Zona was, Callie knew that the frantic studying was in direct response to their baby, who Alex had recently had a conversation with them about. Alexa had had some.... Questions for her GodPops, as he was lovingly nicknamed, and Alex didn’t know what to do other than come running to her four parents. 

“I’m sorry, she told you what?” Arizona’s voice was but a whisper, but considering the silence in the attending’s lounge, she was heard loud and clear.

“Guys, she’s ten years old, for crying out loud, are we really going to -” Mark started before getting the nastiest glare from Addison he’d ever gotten. 

“Don’t you say another word, Mark Everett Sloan, or I swear....” Addison trailed off before looking around the table. Callie hadn’t said anything, Arizona looked like her perky little brain was spinning into overdrive, Alex looked more terrified than Addison had ever seen him, and Mark’s mouth still hung open. “Well, what are we going to do?” She asked matter-of-factly, leaning onto her elbows. 

“What do you mean, what are we going to do?” Callie asked, blinking rapidly as if she’d just woken up. 

Addison sighed and straightened her posture just a bit. “We’re all doctors, and we know the statistics. Kids that are in, even what they perceive to be, unsupportive home situations are more than three times likely to -” 

“Who said anything about unsupportive?” Alex jumped in. He knew that he was in over his head, and that he was four against one in a shark tank, but this was his godkid they were talking about. He was no longer reporting back on his findings after a very long conversation with the second-to-youngest  Montgomery-Sloan-Robbins-Torres kid. 

“Again I’ll say - we’re all doctors. We know what patients consider to be a show of support, and we also know what they perceive to be a situation where they’re not believed or supported, by doctors or by family.” Leaning back into her chair, Addison crossed her arms over her chest and looked over her glasses. “We can either choose to be supportive, or we can try and ignore this, but we won’t be able to stick our heads in the sand forever.” 

Callie was slowly losing her cool. This was her baby, her beautiful, blue-eyed, blonde ponytail-ed baby. Sure, the same baby that never came home without being covered in dirt, regardless of the outing, the baby that hadn’t worn a dress since her Christening, and the same baby that passionately cheered for her Seahawks with her GodPops. But still, Callie’s baby girl all the same. A tomboy she didn’t mind. But transitioning? 

“So what exactly are you suggesting, Addison?” Callie asked through gritted teeth. 

“I’m suggesting that we hear ‘Lexa out. Let 's hear what’s going on in that beautiful head we all love so much. 'Lexa is going to give us way more information that we can come up with here.” Addison’s answer was calm and collected. She knew where Callie was coming from, and what her background was. That was the parent side of Addie. The doctor side of Addie had been treating transgender patients since she was a resident, and found joy in allowing her patients to become the people, in a physical sense, that they had always been. “I think that, to buy us some time on this one, we should consider the use of hormone blockers. I know the best doctors in transgender health care and they’d be more than willing to come up here -” Mark put his hand up, just barely, as in to jump into the conversation. 

“Mark Sloan, I swear, if there is one unsupportive word coming out of your mouth, I will kick your ass up and down the Puget Sound, understand?” Addison sighed. 

“Understood,” he nodded before continuing on. “I don’t want ‘Lexa to think that we don’t think she knows herself well enough to make this call. To be able to put this into words. Especially if it was a patient of Alex’s that brought her some information to put together her own puzzle.” 

Callie looked from Alex, to Addison, to Mark, and then to Arizona. She felt like the Mommas Gay were being ganged up on, and it made her feel a little claustrophobic. Which is strange, because she’d never felt claustrophobic before. Just as she was about to chime in, Chief Bailey came waltzing into the lounge. If Callie didn’t know better, Chief Bailey had her ‘I just got laid’ face on. 

“Now what in God’s name are the five of you sitting around this table for? Don’t you have lives to save?” She asked as she poured herself a cup of coffee. “Wait... You five... What is Miss Cadence up to now?” 

“Why do you always assume Cade did something?” Alex bit back, leaning his chair back on two legs. Bailey pushed him back down to the ground before shaking her head. 

“Isn’t it always Cadence?” 

Arizona had been staring off into space, trying to wrap her head around the information she was given by the doctor she’d raised since he was a baby. “’Lexa had a chat with Alex, and he was filling us in.” 

“Oh, so not Cadence. Go on.” Bailey gave a motion for Arizona to keep going, and Arizona explained the matter at hand in the most straightforward manner she could. If Bailey didn’t know this weird, blended family as well as she did, she could have sworn that Arizona was presenting on a patient. The fact was that the youngest Baby Blondie had confided in her godfather that she might be transgender, after Alex had a patient he had to go rounds with the mom over. 

“Well, if you want my opinion,” Bailey paused for a second, staring at the dead expressions around the table. “I know you didn’t ask for it, but I’m going to give it to you anyway. It seems like y’all have just had your eyes open to something that the rest of us have seen for a while. And, so help me god, if you do not use those pretty, expensive little brains of yours to help care for that beautiful child that all five of you claim to love so much, I’m going to suspend all of you.” 

Arizona didn’t notice that Callie was right behind her until she went to highlight a page of the book she was studying, and found no highlighter. Her wife had carefully removed all instruments from her hands, and was starting to close her books. 

“’Zona, we can’t just read our way through this. We know the science of what’s going on.” Callie sighed. “Just like when she fractured her collarbone, we’re going to just have to sit back and be parents here.” 

For Arizona, that was going to be the hardest part. 

[flauntpage]

Meet Savoy Howe, Who's Changing Lives and Empowering Women Through Boxing

This article originally appeared on VICE Sports Canada.

When Savoy Howe moved to Toronto from New Brunswick in the late 1980s to pursue her theatre degree, she also came out of the closet. New to the city and far from family, she wanted to learn some form of self-defense. "There were a lot of stories of gay-bashing back then," she says. "I didn't want to walk around afraid. I saw an image of a woman wearing boxing gloves and thought, 'OK, that's an option.' So I went to a few classes and got hooked."

Howe then started teaching boxing classes a few years later as a way to pay her bills. "I threw a bunch of posters up on a pole hoping I'd get like, two or three people who would pay me to teach 'em how to box. Within three months, 40 people showed up."

Since then, the Toronto Newsgirls Boxing Club has grown from a small rented space inside men's gyms to a sprawling space where she runs three programs—recreational (for people who don't want to get punched in the head), amateur, and a free program for female-identified survivors of violence. The club has around 300 active members, with 3,000 graduates, most of whom are women and trans people. She has trained boxing coaches all over the world.

VICE Sports asked Howe about getting knocked out, busting out of the boys' club, and coaching formerly meek women into beast mode.

VICE Sports: Who trained you?

Savoy Howe: Ray Marsh picked me up and trained me for my first couple of fights. Pretty much after my third fight, I trained myself. I'm kind of a soloist and a good imitator. I would just watch boxers that I liked and take from them the dance moves I liked. I was kind of my own coach. I was inspired by Muhammad Ali. I liked his personality, how confident he was, and he was just a great dancer—he could really move. His punch was like a towel whip — ba-BAM!

What was the boxing scene like for women back then? I started in '92. In the beginning, the boys didn't want me in the gym. It was a boy's playground and the only place for a gal in there was in the office sitting on the owner's lap. Some guys didn't care less that I was there. Some guys were amazing—sharing their knowledge with us and letting us spar with them, and not killing us in the ring. But there was the occasional guy that wanted to chase me out. One time a guy invited me in the ring and I was all excited because I thought, 'Oh finally, someone's gonna teach me something,' and he beat the crap out of me. I realized he was trying to discourage me from coming back. But the problem was, I had fallen in love with the speed bag, and I just kept coming back because I just wanted to figure that thing out. Even up until ten years ago, there'd be guys trying to chase you out of the gym—even if they had only been there a week, and we had been there eight years. There are just some guys that think a woman should not be in a gym. But by that time we had learned how to stand up for ourselves. Some guys think they can just touch you and hold you by the waist and show you stuff. When I would bring in clients, I would tell them off the bat: If a guy tries to touch you, say, 'Do not touch me.' If he touches you, slap his knuckles. If he walks towards you when you're skipping and expects you to walk out of his way, skip harder. All of these ground rules to let them know that we're not going to be pushed around. It's good training for standing your ground.

How have things changed? I started teaching in '96, but we were always sort of an underground club. Because I rented space out of boys' gyms—when their gyms were closed, we could have women's only classes. I think we kind of kickstarted it. It's more normal now for women to be in gyms. Even ten years ago, it was odd to see one or two women in a gym. I think once gyms realized hey, if we let in the women, we might actually pay the rent.

Walk me through your club now.

Our gym is pretty Rocky Stallone. No white walls, get-your-towels-at-the-door type of thing. When people walk in, it's like, 'What an awesome space.' People get to use it and walk away pretty empowered. The gym is a 3,500 square foot playground for hitting things. There's at least 15 things to hit, I just teach them how to hit safely. And we just hit things to loud music. Couldn't be better.

Members of the Newsgirls boxing club. Photo courtesy Tracey Erin Smith

How do you avoid permanent damage?

[laughs] You move your head. Don't get hit. You work on lots of defense. I'll be 51 this month. I think I'm in great shape for a 51-year-old. But I've been punched a lot. Back in the days before there was any discussion around concussions, we'd have the crap kicked out of us. I've been knocked out on two of my fights. You'd get knocked out in a fight and you'd go out drinking afterward, you know? Nowadays, if you take a punch that's a little too hard you don't do any ring work for like, three weeks. Which is good.

For me, I just wanted it all so bad that nothing could stop me. I was coming back no matter what. I had an AVM—it's like an aneurysm. Four years later, I fought at nationals. I wouldn't let my athletes do that, but if I want to do it, I'm just gonna do it. What were you seeking?

I love the performance side of things. I like to show off, I like to be watched—that's probably why I got into theatre. Boxing is like a dance, it's like an art form. I really worked hard on my dance moves—I'm not just gonna get in there and slug. I wanted to play the game. I don't like punching people in the head, but you have to—it's boxing.

Don't mess with Savoy. Photo courtesy Tracey Erin Smith

It's more of a power struggle with myself. You try to calm yourself down, give yourself little pep talks, [and] be positive, because it's easy to scare yourself before a fight, especially if you haven't done enough work. The battle is more with yourself than with this person you get in the ring with whom you've never seen before. What do you love the most about this sport?

I love coaching. I've been doing it for about 20 years. I get to show women and trans people how to hit properly. I give them access to things to hit, like heavy bags. They get to see in a very short period of time, even like two hours, how strong they already are. And then I get to see them see that. And that's one of the most exciting things ever. Especially women, you know? Sometimes women are told they're weaker, they're a piece of crap, or whatever. When [they] see that actually I'm not weaker, I'm way stronger than I've been told, that's empowering for them. And I get to witness that.

Any stories in particular come to mind?

I had a woman jump in my free boxing program for survivors of violence. She had just put her son into the temporary care of [the Children's Aid Society]—not because she wanted to, but because she had no support, no money. She wanted to make sure he was going to eat. Her worker said, 'Why don't you go check out this gym, they have a free boxing program.' She thought, 'Boxing? I never thought about boxing before.' She came, she was so bummed out. Within three classes, she realized she was a beast. She had no idea she was a beast. She went back to children's aid and said, 'Give me my kid back.' Around the eight-month mark, she said, 'Savoy, I want to compete.' I'm like OK! Took her to a couple fights, [and she] did very well. At the year mark, took her to the provincials, she got gold. Four months later, took her to the nationals, she got silver.

People who don't want to compete still get an equivalent reward out of it. I hear stories of women who broke themselves out of isolation, especially trans women. Other people who had nightmares every night, once they start moving their bodies they don't have nightmares anymore. Left abusive partners. Finally got the courage to work on their résumé and get off their couch and get a job. Out of depression, you know? They are way stronger than they thought. I can show somebody how strong they are in one two-hour class. All I need is a heavy bag. I love my job. I'll never be rich, but I'm definitely rich in community.

What's your mantra?

Boxing is the art of not quitting. We train through a bell system. We hear a bell, we go at it for two minutes. At the one-and-a-half minute mark, you hear another bell, and that's where you work ten times as hard, so you train your body to work hardest when you're the most tired. It carries over into life. When you train enough in this crazy sport, sometimes a challenge will hit you in life, and it's like, nope! Keep going, keep going.

Savoy (right) with the women of the Newsgirls club. Photo courtesy Tracey Erin Smith

I think almost everything that happens in that gym is a metaphor for life. If someone comes in to train, [and] if their grounding sucks in life, their grounding sucks in gym. When you're ungrounded maybe you're anxious, panicked, it's like your feet aren't in the ground. So I might throw a set of leg weights on you, do lots of footwork.

All of a sudden, your grounding gets better in life. I've seen this for so many years. If your offense sucks, then chances are, outside of the gym when somebody says something to you—and you know you should say no—you don't say it. Then when your offense gets better, you can say no. It carries over. It's pretty cool.

Howe will be sharing tales from her 25-year boxing journey in her solo show, Newsgirl, opening this week.

Meet Savoy Howe, Who's Changing Lives and Empowering Women Through Boxing published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

[awesomecolorfulcollectorwombat]

More Than 150 Companies Are Hoping This Woman Can Fix Their Diversity Problems

New Post has been published on http://web-hosting-top12.com/2019/04/05/more-than-150-companies-are-hoping-this-woman-can-fix-their-diversity-problems/

More Than 150 Companies Are Hoping This Woman Can Fix Their Diversity Problems

For three days in February, 6,000 of people coursed in and out of the Castro Theater, a 1920s movie palace in San Francisco. They came to hear from Laurene Powell Jobs, Susan Wojcicki, and leaders from Amazon and Uber. They came to network. And a pithy marquee on the theater summed up their unifying mission: “Queer. Inclusive. Badass.”

The sixth-annual Lesbians Who Tech + Allies Summit was the largest LGBTQ event in the world. The attendees were roughly 80 percent queer women–but sexuality was just one element of diversity. Of those who spoke on stage, half were women of color, 30 percent were black or Latinx, and 15 percent transgender or gender non-conforming. 

“We are 100 percent about providing value to queer women. We just don’t have this type of community anywhere else in the world,” said Leanne Pittsford, the founder of Lesbians Who Tech. “That we can do this and be visible and also host a damn good tech conference–that inspires people.”

The Summit is not only a place where leaders such as Sheryl Sandberg and Hillary Clinton fly in to speak, but also the physical gathering of just a fraction of the 50,000 members of the parent organization, Lesbians Who Tech, a social enterprise that Pittsford founded in 2013 and which has grown to 42 cities. In 2019, the organization is entering an inflection point, as what was once a conference-media business with a charitable arm aims to become a scalable technology company. “We already work with more than 150 companies looking to retain or recruit diverse talent,” Pittsford said. “Our partners were asking: How do we track hires? How do we actually hold ourselves accountable?” Now, she and LWT are building Include.io, a digital tool that aims to do precisely that.

Before Pittsford dreamed up her organization, she had been analyzing data and building online fundraising tools for a group opposing Proposition 8, a California ballot measure that would have eliminated rights of same-sex couples to marry. She says she was shocked to discover that the people funding the LGBTQ movement were majority white cisgender men, a term that refers to men who identify with the gender with which they were born. “It was a clear wake-up call for me. The people who would benefit from the movement weren’t funding it. Even the women with the money weren’t spending it,” she said.

Simultaneously, she realized that tech events for the queer community in and around San Francisco always seemed to be 90 percent male. “There’s nothing for us,” she said. No cohesive community, no gathering, no movement, no money spending–even for those women who identified as queer in lucrative Silicon Valley jobs. She wondered: could someone or something change that? Could she change that?

Finding a Purpose, and an Audience

Pittsford grew up in a conservative military family in San Diego, and in the early 2000s was living in San Francisco with her brother. As adults, they still struggled with having been taught as kids that all gay people were going to hell. With support from her brother, and working for a pro-LGBTQ human rights organization, Pittsford became more comfortable with her sexuality. Then, one Tuesday morning in 2010 she arrived home to discover that her brother–the only supportive person in her life–had died in his sleep of cardiomyopathy. “My heart was just broken,” she says. “It gave me a sense that I should take risks, give back and do something larger than myself.”

Pittsford’s grief was heavy that year, in which she left her comfortable job doing policy work at Equity California. “I was close to [starting my own venture], but that moment really sped it up for me,” she said. She started working independently, doing data work, and building websites and tools for other businesses.

In the evenings, she subverted her introversion and began networking, and throwing small happy hours for queer women. In 2014 she decided to host what she dubbed a “Summit” for her burgeoning organization, Lesbians Who Tech. It was to be part networking with like-minded people, part technology conference, and part social-justice rally. “I thought it wouldn’t work,” she said. “Because lesbians never show up, they never go out.” 

Megan Smith, a vice president at Google who would soon be tapped to be the chief technology officer of the United States by President Barack Obama, walked in the door at 7 a.m. Next, Smith’s then-partner Kara Swisher walked in. Eight hundred people bought tickets–and a few big companies sponsored it. Pittsford was floored: “It was the first time I thought it could be a real thing.”

Over the past six years, the conferences have gained a cult following among queer technologists and executives. LaFawn Davis, the head of inclusion and culture at Twilio, has attended multiple LWT conferences, and adores them so much she jokes they are “lesbian Disneyland.” For her, the long weekends are a chance to immerse herself in a community that is still rare in the tech world. “I get to be surrounded by queer executives! Queer engineers! Imagine!” And over the years she’s also built a network and found job candidates through it.

The Lesbians Who Tech parent organization, though, is an unusual enterprise: it’s part 501(c)(3) and part LLC; a community organization that offers substantial coding scholarships to women, and a mission-driven media business that puts on conferences. 

By 2017, Pittsford realized she needed to solve LWT’s messy structural issue. The organization would need real profits to grow, and to give its now-massive network significant value outside of the conferences. “I came from the nonprofit space, and it’s not the most scalable path,” she said.

Holding Tech Accountable

Aside from ticket sales, the conferences generated revenue through sponsors such as Google, Amazon, and Slack, who also would send speakers and attendees to the events. LWT became a natural recruiting tool for them–but it was totally informal. Once executives at these companies started asking Pittsford how they could improve their diversity hiring and retention and track it, she saw the future of her business before her eyes.

LWT could offer a hiring platform featuring its members, which the organization describes as mid-level and executive LGBTQ women, non-binary, and trans techies–many of whom are also people of color–as well as their allies. The platform could help companies track their ongoing progress in diversity hiring. Pittsford envisioned Include.io, which has 10,000 beta users, as a way to “scale access to direct referrals” from a different pool of talent than the existing employees at large tech companies.

“We are trying to find a way to get referrals to, say, the talented self-taught female programmer in New Orleans who might not know anyone in San Francisco,” Pittsford said. 

“Things like unconscious bias training aren’t working,” she added. “You have to fight it every day–with intention–and this product lets companies do that.”

Include.io has been in beta since June of 2018, and Pittsford says 200 companies have signed up to use it once it’s live later this year. But she has some structural work to do before launch. The company’s Oakland office hasn’t attracted or retained enough tech talent itself to scale Include.io, so she’s setting up a development team in New York, hoping to add three to five more people to the scrappy staff of nine. She says San Francisco is the “Wild West of talent poaching,” where small organizations can’t compete for developers who can command salaries approaching $200,000.

“This has been the hardest year of my professional life,” she said. She’s running a mission-driven organization at the speed of a startup, trying to figure out how fast it can grow and scale without burning out her team–or herself.

Being part of the solution to tech’s diversity problem, however, is what keeps her going every day. Pittsford says she hopes once Include.io is out to the public, it will make executives more comfortable about their own abilities to recruit, hire, and maintain a diverse workforce.

“I still would love to see a CEO say, ‘we are going to be 30 percent black and Latinx by X year,'” she said. “We really feel like something has got to change. Something has got to give.”