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munariplans · 2 years ago

Note

your writing is remarkable. saw you were open to doing drabbles for the chaos makes the muse series so i wondering if we can see something about natasha and reader as parents? how many kids did they end up having?

hi anon,

so sorry for the delayed response! i am open to drabbles and requests, and i've written a peek into natasha and reader's lives as parents in this fic below, hope it answers your questions and enjoy!

i would also like to preface that while this is related to chaos makes the muse, you can absolutely read it without having read / completed the series :)

The final lap ensues, your eldest son a tenth of a second slower than the go-kart in front of him, and you sighed. Putting your hands together in a silent prayer, you hoped with all your might that he might be able to pull an early exit into one of the turns, cutting off his only opponent and retaking the lead in the race.

The karts whizzed past the stands, your hair followed in the wind. Each kart’s engine the only loud noises in the air as everyone watched the race with bated breath. Your phone was ringing; probably a note from your secretary. You quickly switched it off as the final turn before the chequered flag appeared for the karts.

Nicholas didn’t make it to first.

Still, you rushed over with the rest of the parents to where the karts were coming in slowly and parking, and quickly found your son with his head down, still sitting in his kart as celebrations for first place rang through the air.

“Hey, there’s my champion,” you kneeled down to his level, smiling as you helped him remove his helmet. “You did your best, and Mama and I are so proud of you.”

“I didn’t win,” was all he said before engulfing you in a hug, soaking your jacket with tears he refused to show anyone else. It reminded you of Natasha’s own habit of doing so, and you only hugged him tighter.

“It doesn’t matter,” you reassured, walking him to the small podium, “It doesn’t matter to me, or to your Mama. There’s always the next race, and the next. We’ll tweak your engine together, so you go even faster, and we’ll review your data together too. You are forever my pride, Nicholas, losing one race isn’t going to change that.”

–

On the drive home, as Nicholas fell asleep in your passenger seat hugging his second-place trophy, you received a text from Natasha at home.

Are you on the way home? I gave up on Nathaniel’s maths homework, by the way, I need you.

You smiled to yourself at the text, shaking your head and turning your attention back to the road in hopes that you would arrive home faster.

–

“Mama, we’re homeee!” Nicholas’ mood was considerably lighter as he passed the threshold of your home, proudly showing off his trophy. But alas, Natasha was not in the living room as he had expected, nor was she in the kitchen or anywhere in his vision. Natasha always greeted the both of you home after Nicholas’ karting races, so you knew only one thing must have happened.

You rubbed the boy’s back comfortingly, and directed him to place his trophy along with all his others on the shelf. “Mama’s probably asleep, sweetheart. You know how tired she is these days, your little sister’s not giving her the easiest time.”

At his pout, you knelt down to his height again. “Hey, you can still show her your trophy tomorrow, I’m sure she would be just as excited. How about I make you a box of mac-and-cheese and we can share it without her knowing? I say that’s a fantastic way to celebrate, yeah?”

You were engulfed right into another hug as he smiled into your neck; another one of Natasha’s little quirks.

–

With Nicholas settled in at the dining table and tucking into his bowl of mac-and-cheese (that Natasha had always disapproved of you making for the boys), you snuck into your younger son’s room, the lights still on.

Nathaniel was clearly in over his head, his ginger hair a mess and balls of crumpled paper scrawled with maths equations strewn across the floor. He had fallen asleep on his desk, and your heart squeezed at the fact that he had to wait for so long before you came to the rescue.

You slowly shook him awake. “Nathan, I’m home.”

Opening his eyes blearily, Nathaniel leaned his head against your shoulder as you took the papers from underneath him, shaking the drool on them dry.

“You smell like your office’s air freshener, yuck.”

You tipped his head playfully. “Been there since eight this morning, bud. Didn’t have time to change before I had to go for your brother’s race in the evening. Now I’m here doing your homework with you.”

“Don’t you get tired?” He yawned as you began scanning the questions.

Truthfully, a wave of fatigue had long past swept through your bones; even in the stands watching Nicholas race, even as you entered the office that morning. With Natasha set to deliver your daughter any day now, coupled with Nathaniel’s exams approaching and Nicholas’ races, you truly felt like you were drowning most days. To top it all off, business was booming; clients were streaming in by the dozens most days, and you rarely even had time to breathe between waking up and going back to bed for the past few weeks.

But you only smiled at your son, and came back with, “And if I do, what am I supposed to do? Stop working?”

“Yeah, and spend time playing more video games with me.”

“And who’s going to be able to afford to buy those games for you, kid? Your brother’s racing career, your mother’s shopping sprees, even your baby sister’s shopping sprees when she’s born and older, I need to work so you guys can keep having these things.”

He gave a non-committal grunt. A sign for you to bring his attention back to the papers in front of the both of you. “Let’s start, shall we? I promise we can steal your brother’s leftover mac-and cheese if we can finish this by midnight.”

–

By the time both boys were tucked into bed and snoring softly into their pillows, you knew you were about two seconds away from dropping dead onto the ground with exhaustion. Shuffling your feet to your shared bedroom with Natasha, you barely made out the shape of her figure before collapsing onto your side of the bed, your eyelids begging to close themselves.

But it was the soft drawl in her voice that woke you up. “You’re home already, baby?”

“Been home since seven, darling, had to make Nicholas dinner and finish up the rest of Nathaniel’s homework.”

At your confession, Natasha sat up, guilt coursing through her at her dismissal of you returning home and doing so much with the boys. Lately, it felt like the ‘team effort’ she had promised you would come with more children had been more solo on your end, regardless how many times you reminded her that she was busy growing a third human within her herself, and it could not compare to the amount of stress she was putting her own body in.

Her hands found themselves carding through your hair, and you shifted further up to lie across her legs. “I’m sorry, baby.”

“For what?”

“For not being there. You were in the office so early today, you had to do so much work, and then having to be there for Nicholas’ race and taking care of Nathaniel after, too. It’s so much,” Natasha found a lump in her throat that she was unable to swallow.

Instead, you shook your head, merely reaching out for her hand and rubbing your thumb over hers lovingly. “All part of the process, love. Please don’t feel guilty about this. Besides, I enjoy spending time with the boys, and letting you rest.”

You could sense your wife was still apprehensive, so you reached into your pocket and pulled out your mobile phone, in hopes of distracting her mind. “Look, Nicholas got second place in the race today. Kid was a bit disappointed, but you can see how well he drove.”

Natasha began watching the clip of Nicholas’ final lap in the race, one hand resting over her bump affectionately as she smiled at her eldest. Getting up from your own position, you noticed the legs you had been lying on were incredibly swollen, and you cursed internally at the fact you had been neglecting your wife in exchange for caring for your sons, too.

So when she physically let out soft pants and happy moans once you started massaging her feet, Natasha had to drop the phone and put a pillow over her face in embarrassment once she caught your grin at her. “Baby, you’re exhausted��please…”

“Nonsense,” you assured, “Anything for you. And anything to hear more of those amazing sounds too, please, love. They’re music to my ears.”

You were met with an eye roll and a laugh that alleviated any shred of tiredness you thought you had earlier. Everything was worth it, for her. –

Natasha thought you were dead to the world in your slumber, seeing the day you had and the pent-up stress and exhaustion accumulated of taking care of her, and the boys. You rightfully deserved to be, as she watched your features, asleep beside her with an imaginary ‘best parent in the world’ crown she imagined on your head. Her heart squeezed with how much she knew you loved and sacrificed for the boys and her.

But she had to wake you, unfortunately. There was no other option.

So when you felt her hands shaking you awake and rolling over to check that it was only half past three in the morning, you groaned at having to be awake so early. “Yes, Nat?”

“My water broke.”

She had said it so calmly, almost serene, that you would have found it almost unbelievable had her voice not been the only thing filling the white noise in the room. Then, as if you couldn’t hear her the first time, she reinforced, “Baby’s coming.”

You were up with a start, still half-hazy with details, but mind alert and screaming at you to do something. You had been through this twice, a third shouldn’t be a surprise at that point.

With the hospital bag packed by the door, Yelena on her way to babysit the boys until the morning, and your hair finally combed enough to a civilised hairstyle, you turned back to Natasha, slowly waddling down the stairs.

“How are you so calm?” You asked, rushing forward to help carry her, despite her protests at such.

Once her feet were back on the ground, she squeezed your shoulder just a little too rough, and her eyes shut in pain. “Am…not. But it’s the only thing I can do to keep the pain manageable. Can we please drive to the hospital, now?”

–

“A little more, love, just a little more.”

“I’ll fucking break your neck once we’re done if you dare say that to me again!”

At Natasha’s scream, and the threatening words pinned against you, you kept your mouth shut, instead choosing to recline a little in the stiff plastic chair the operating team gave you, in hopes that it would also alleviate the pain from your hand getting crushed under her grip.

You leaned your forehead against your wife’s, and tried to focus on the arrival of your daughter, and not how much pain she was putting Natasha through currently.

Finally, with the last push from Natasha, and both of her hands crushing the bones on one of yours together, the baby was out, and it was the moment that you knew you had just fallen in love with your daughter. It had happened twice before, but never the same.

–

Bags under your eyes, shoulders sinking in on themselves, Natasha knew you had the telltale signs of burnout and exhaustion written all over your features. But as she watched you bent over the small bassinet the hospital had wheeled your daughter in, a hint of a smile on your face watching her interact with her first few moments in the world, she knew that you would have given up everything, risked it all and more, for this moment to happen.

All those years ago, when she had met you at the club, when she merely knew you as the broken, fragile lawyer with an ego bigger than the sky itself, she found it hard to believe she could witness your growth to now, the very best parent you could be to her three children. Sacrificing each weekend to tune up Nicholas’ go-kart and coaching him for races, coming home each night to help Nathaniel with his homework, and then having to deal with her mood swings, pregnancy hormones, and all sorts of aches you had to massage and sort out, she wondered if she really had gotten so lucky at times; or if it was all just a dream for her. You were patient with the boys, and her, you were kind, you never complained. You were everything she had always wanted.

Natasha almost said something; she started, but couldn’t find it in herself to finish. She called out your name, and said, “I…”

You looked up at her, and the words caught in her throat. “Yes?”

“I…”

“Mummy! Mama!” For the first time in a long while, Natasha heard the two boys’ voices in unison, cutting through your small moment as they rushed into the room, followed by a very haggard-looking Yelena behind.

“Gentle, gentle, boys! What did I tell you?” Yelena’s voice sounded like the boys had taken ten years off her life. At her state, Natasha saw you grinning too, and thanked her quietly for being able to come and babysit at such short notice. “Now move, I want to see my niece, too!”

Making space on the bed for Nicholas and Yelena to sit beside her, along with you at the foot of the bed with Nathaniel on your shoulders, Natasha cradled the newest addition to her family lovingly, her elder brothers already cooing and fighting over who gets to hold her first.

Her eyes met yours, and the words that were stuck came rushing back. She wanted to mouth I love you.

You smiled back at her, and when Yelena brought the boys down later on to grab a snack, you said it right back, your daughter in your arms this time. “I love you too.”

“Mm, enough to give me a fourth child?”

You looked up to her in panic, and at the expression on your face, Natasha found it hard to keep her own serious, as she burst out in giggles. “I was kidding.”

“Respectfully, my love,” you replied, “If this baby is not our last, I don’t think I am going to even live until I see forty.”

#natasha romanoff x reader #black widow x reader #natasha romanoff #black widow #marvel cinematic universe #chaos makes the muse

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dailycharacteroption · 4 months ago

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Roleplay Ramblings: New Elements part 3

(art by BiagoDAlessandro on DeviantArt, as featured in Numenera by Monte Cook Games)

Character Options

So I’ve talked at length about what the new elemental planes are and what they mean, but now it’s time to get to the nitty-gritty and actually apply them to 1st edition, starting with the character options that players will actually be playing as in either the modern Lost Omens setting minus the edition change or in your own setting where you include these elements.

The first we have to focus on is new ancestries. While they are heritages in 2e, that doesn’t change the fact that we have two new geniekin planar scions running around, either being super rare individuals that lived before the re-emergence, members of bloodlines that spontaneously awakened to their ancestral heritage when the planes came back, or those that were born afterwards in the normal ways that planar scions typically gain their heritages.

These two ancestries are the ardande and talos, for wood and metal respectively, and since they were never mentioned in 1st edition you will have to homebrew them (or, you know, use the homebrew I made of them if you like). Thankfully pretty much every planar scion ancestry follows a similar sort of template for what abilities they get, with room for variant heritages and alternate traits, so you’ll have a decent starting position to work from. Additionally, consider that suli might also start drawing from those elements as well, though likely this will be more of a vibe thing as metal probably best evokes electricity or sonic if you can get away with it, while wood’s best energy type comparison is probably acid as a stand-in for poison.

Classes may have to be updated as well. However, there is a lot of ground already covered here , with wizards, oracles, and shamans all getting schools, mysteries, and spirits respectively centered around these aspects. Meanwhile, sorcerers and bloodragers could easily have the elemental bloodlines updated with metal and wood as options, as well as genie bloodlines for Zhura and Khizidar genies as well.

On a more minor note, having four new elemental lords means four new deities for your divine casters to play around with, requiring homebrewing for their domain, subdomain, and even potentially obedience lists.

Additionally, you may consider tweaking the kineticist to have a separate metal element like I did, as well as maybe slightly rework certain talents or talent lists. And for that matter don’t forget to tweak various other minor elemental options with other classes, such as the elementalist shifter, elemental rager, and so on.

Of course, we would be remiss to not talk about the various new elemental spells in Rage of the Elements, many of which explore the applications of the new elements, all of which makes for lovely conversion fodder. Of course, Rage of the Elements was the first hardback that uses the new Remastered paradigm for spellcasting. (And even then, original 2e had a slightly different interpretation of what spells belonged to which schools, but as long as you have a good understanding of what each First Edition school is meant to cover, you should have any trouble deciding which spell goes where. Also, while the elemental wizard schools do exist, they might need an update or trimming based on what each element represents in the new paradigm if you wanna go that far.

Even with such a brief summary as this, we can see the work that has been done and the work left to do for bringing these new elements into play in First Edition. However, tomorrow we’ll look into the more GM-side of things with new elemental monsters these planes provide, as well as more generally how elementals work between editions. Look forward to it!

#pathfinder #roleplay ramblings #elements #Rage of the Elements

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helloiamadrawer · 8 months ago

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Kinger 👑 Tweaking CRACK HEADCANONS

triggers/warnings: drugs (weed in general nothing too hard) cigarettes, mainly kinger just trying to cope from all the shit going on in the digital circus DON'T DO DRUGS PEOPLE

A/N: THESE ARE ONLY CRACK HEADCANONS I LOVE KINGER TO DEATH ISTG (BUT NOT MORE THAN CAINE THOUGH)

First things first, where did he get the drugs from? well, it's easy Zooble's room but it's actually in her endless box of spare parts she puts on her and we know SOMETHING has to have a stash of hiding somewhere.

Caine would definitely waste his time doing this if he knew Zooble had drugs but shhhh..we'll pretend he's dumb for one day okay?

Kinger has been having rougher times at the digital circus more than usual, plus the lingering paranoia of abstracting like Kaufmo on top of that just makes it worse for his mental state. He just needs to find something new to do instead of Caine's insane adventures. So what does he do? Go to Zooble's room for advice.

"Well, I was going to give this to you at a later time if you were reallly going over the edge but you do not tell a single soul about this. Caine will throw us in the cellar for a year and a year goes very slow in the digital world." she threatened as she slides him a small bag of weed and some pieces of paper . Kinger blankly stares at the pouch and just says, "oh."

He shoves it in his robe pocket and heads back to his room. He lays it out on his bed and ponders about if he should do it now or tomorrow.

Next morning, he decides to try it after another treacherous adventure, tired, he takes a palm full of the chopped cannabis and rolls it up in the paper like a joint. Mans was really doing this but hey, beats anything but getting abstracted. In the middle of the night, he knocks on Zooble's door, she grumpily opens it and sees the chess piece holding out the joint to her as he asks, "Do you have a source of fire to light this?"

"Oh, i forgot about that, come on in, I gotta find a lighter anyway in my box so it may take a minute." she whispers until she closes the door behind Kinger. She pops out her normal arm and her claw arm holds it as she inserts it into the Zooble Box, searching for her lighter.

Should he really be doing this? I mean doing drugs never really existed to Kinger until Zooble came around, he was just collecting insects and hanging out in his pillowfort, but thats when the day Pomni came in and then Kaufmo got abstracted and after that day he feared of himself becoming like that so nothing really took his mind off it.

Maybe I should leave, I can try and find something else

"Ah-ha! Gotcha!"

Zooble's triumphant outburst made Kinger almost jump out of his robe. "AH! Zooble, you found the lighter, good.". She flicks the lighter switch and lights up Kinger's joint as a line of smoke puffs out from it.

"Now, you can't leave my room with that, Caine will find out what we're doing if he sees this, so take a hit..you'll know exactly how I deal with this bullsh$t around here a little bit more easier." Zooble states as she rolls up a joint and lights it for herself.

Kinger stares at the nowlit doobie and takes a puff from it...

PART 2 will be in effect for later and it's going to be angsty and it'll be my first angst piece of headcanons so it might take a while, see y'all soon!!

#kinger #tadc #zooble #omg this is kinda angsty #maybe later on idk #drawer writes 👌#tw drugs

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moonshine-nightlight · 11 months ago

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Will all of Dale out, I took the time over the past few days to reread all of it (pretty much all I did because sleep work and eat!) And oh man, I wish I could experience it anew again! To see how far you as a writer had come during the entirely of this, and seeing how sana and Dale grew and changed together.. it was just so well done!

Do you have plans to visit them again, in the future? Couldn't help but notice some things were left unfinished ;) and also I would LOVE to hear certain parts of the story from Dale's perspective. Those last few chapters when we finally *finally* got to peer into who he really is just made me want more!

And again, thank you for all the time and effort you put into this series. I don't think I'll ever forget it! (I also really like some of your shorter series, I went back to read them again too!)

@watch-out-for-them

thanks for sending this in! that's so sweet! i've hoarded this for a month because december flew by so fast

i do have some idea for little bonus stories and for full stories that take place in the same universe/setting (with a name-drop or mention of Dale and Sana etc), but no proper sequel is currently planned. One of the bonuses would be what you mentioned - specifically Chapter 6 (Walk in the Garden) from Dale's POV - as well as other ideas. it is hard to write companions stories from another POV if the main POV is 2nd person lol. I've helpful sorted my handful or ideas into categories because i lov to organize in excel instead of writing (the categories are: pre, mid, & post story; AU; Parody; and Outside POV)

one in particular i wanted to get out before the year ended, but i'm not quite done with it. originally after Chapter 24 (Assassin Aftermath) Sana was going to have a spicy dream about Dale, which is referenced in Chapter 25 as having happened, but which was originally going to be in the story proper. however, not only was a behind in writing with the story ending up longer than i planned, but it became hard to figure out how it would work since Sana thought Dale knew but he didn't and i didn't want be to get confused about that, also Sana wouldn't know the truth of how the Depths worked or Dale's backstory so i couldn't include much of that (because i didnt want ppl to think Dale could lik dreamwalk etc or something). It jsut got to be a weird balancing act that i didnt have time to figure out so i didn't. however, i decided to make a bonus/AU divergence where I changed the fight scene and did have Dale come to talk to Sana after the fight alone and stuff~ happens~.

this side path/AU story is what i wanted to get out over the holidays and which i have made progress on, but still isn't finished. i will try to get it out within the week (the modified end-of-fight to have an obvious reveal is done and i might put out today or tomorrow since its just a tweaked chapter 23). I've got over 3k for the new chapter and have been making progress, it just will not be done today lol

thank you so much for reading and sending in this ask! getting messages and comments and tags like this make all the effort worth it! ^^

#asks #nothing's wrong with dale #dale bonus #story status #news on writing #this bonus will probably b the last think i write/post before the Work Time begins #where i will be unavailable for lik min 3 months lol

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becomingkatie · 5 months ago

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I spent the holiday in the kitchen baking all day. I made english muffins to use up sourdough discard, and I made Kenny grill brats so I could have an excuse to try making hot dog buns. Not pictured, I also prepped a high hydration boule to bake either tomorrow or Sunday.

Long-winded baking summary below the cut.

English muffins were up first. The discard, flour, and milk were mixed together the night before. Even though it was discard, sitting for that long woke it back up so there was a nice dough in the morning. Then added salt, honey, and baking soda, rested the dough, then cut into rounds and rested again before cooking. I made some mistakes here - namely, not putting enough cornmeal down to keep the dough from sticking to the counters, so when I went to pick up the rounds to cook them they became deformed and I had a rough time. Also, having the skillet too hot at first. They came out a bit tough. I don't buy english muffins regularly so I couldn't tell you how they compare to store-bought, but I'm medium-happy with them. Before bed I scrambled some eggs with cheese and baked them to cut into squares and pre-make breakfast sandwiches to freeze and reheat later.

After the english muffins were done, I had about two hours until my starter was nearing its peak and it was time to make the two recipes using active starter - hot dog buns and a plain ol' loaf of bread. The bread calls for an autolyse, mixing just the flour and water first and letting it sit a while to start the gluten formation before you add in the starter, so the gluten is already formed when the yeast in the starter begins to consume the sugars and produce the gases that will be contained by the gluten and raise the bread. (I think that's how it works?) So I mixed up my flour and water, set my timer, and then raced to get the hot dog bun dough ready before I had to do more stuff with my regular bread dough.

The buns came out feeling a little dense. Also ugly, but that part's less important. The recipe uses both active starter and commercial yeast, but my yeast was really old and may not have been A+, and I may have baked them a little long. Anyway, just like with the english muffins, medium-happy.

The regular bread was making me so happy all day long. During its bulk fermentation stage every time I came by and stretched and folded it to promote gluten development it was just the best texture and so beautiful. But then I went to pre-shape and shape it and it was... a wet pile of mush that did not want to be a ball at all. I basically slopped it into the banneton and now it's in the fridge for a 2-3 day cold proof. My goal there is to get a nice sour flavor. The longer proof is supposed to help with that. But I'm anxious I under-did the bulk ferment trying to keep it on the shorter side since I'm doing a long cold proof. I don't know. Sourdough is one of those things that can be so easy and simple, or you can get really precious about it and try to make everything perfect, and it's still just a tasty loaf of bread. I really want to be able to bake sourdough with a higher water content to get a thinner crust and increase its shelf life, but it's definitely harder to do this higher hydration loaf than my typical "go-to, just need to get a loaf of bread on the table" loaf.

I have a journal where I take notes during my bread baking. I note the ingredients, process, timing of everything. Kitchen temperature. Impressions throughout (how the dough was feeling in my hands at the different stages, how much rise in both proofs, etc.) and then results at the end, and what variables I might want to tweak for the next bake. I can't have a hobby without also turning it into a lab report, I guess! We'll see how this one turns out over the weekend. In the meantime, it's time for me to go eat one of those breakfast sandwiches.

#sourdough #baking #baking bread

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bvannn · 7 months ago

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Weekly Update May 10, 2024

Today was a bad day but the rest of the week was decent all things considered. I got an okay amount of work done, but I’m still really exhausted from school. It might take a bit longer to rest but I’m still trying to do stuff because I’m addicted to work.

Main thing this week was comic work, I’d say I’m 14% done, planning to be better and faster once I’m better rested, I’m going to try to do all panels on the same layer as opposed to a billion layers like before, see if it speeds things up. I’m pretty confident in the story and want to get to writing more but that’s not as high a priority as some other projects.

Music video work, OEB is about 30% boarded, it’s very exhausting to do because of adobe’s interface but it still gets done well enough when I’m in a good mood. I wanted to get making a puppet rig this week, hoping it’d go faster now that I know what I’m doing, especially since I’ve gotten basic ones done faster, but again didn’t have time due to body needing to rest and personal problems. I’ll try again next week, since it looks like work is taking longer than expected to get started back up. I’m also a lot better at rig animation in general now so it should be quicker to do too.

Other music projects, I’m very close to done on one of the two lyric batches so I’ll try to get that done this next week. I’d like to finish off the other one too but I’m very slow. Once my body is rested up enough for my brain to really work those will be the priority, then I’d like to do more. I’ll probably do another cover or so before anything else but I’d really like to do songs based around my OC stories, and maybe I will. At the very least attempting will be a nice exercise.

Other general drawings, I’m trying to figure out when I’ll have time to do more. I’m taking a fair amount of time on each of those now, which sucks since I’ll have to up my comm prices, but I don’t want to push for those until I know exactly how much to change the prices by. I’m not a professional so I don’t want to charge like one.

Anime Campaign stuff: writing my own campaign still, got a huge bite of that done, but not the part I would have wanted. Planning on seven ‘Episodes’, 1, 2, 3, and now 5 are done. I might iron out some kinks with episode 1 but I really want to get episode 4 done before anything else. Might still get some tokens done, but I don’t want to post too many, since ideally I’d like to release my campaign as a prewritten module for free, then offer the maps and tokens as a paid optional add on. Maybe. Either way I need to focus on writing more than I have been, I’ll try to use my insomnia for that.

Minor bits and bobs, music writing impulse is coming back so I’d like to make or finish a little smaller tune, but again that relies on time and OEB and comic are taking priority. If I get BMBO or BATB lyrics done I’ll get tuning a VSQX (or whatever they’re called in vocaloid 5/6) and pass that so we can figure out which voice to use and any tweaks that need to be made. If BMBO is done before BATB I might look into typography animation to see if I can throw together a video for that, since that’ll be less effort than a full video. I’m also always tempted to do a bazillion covers, but I’m not really working towards any actively. The ones I’m debating would be called SSCS, ILMC, LIS or S (again going by initials or partial initials to not say too much). I did a basic VSQX for SSCS but mostly just to test how a certain voice tuned, and I know who I want to sing it but I don’t know what to do with the instruments so I’m not planning to work on it unless inspiration really hits. I have so much desire to do things and not enough body power!

Next week priority will be comic again, I have 4 pages done and one sketched, I’ll be maybe staying up late on Sunday again so I can get a big bite done then if I’m somehow unable tomorrow. OEB is next priority, alongside lyric writing, header/newgrounds collab, then AC writing and token practice. Thanks everyone for being so patient with me not posting much, I’m so sorry I’m so slow to work on bigger projects but I really hope they’re worth it.

#weekly update

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mythundermeme · 2 years ago

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100 lyric starters

notes: feel free to tweak details to fit the muses. do not add to this list. other meme blogs, please don’t reblog. (content warning: sexual themes, violence, death, suicide)

"Tell me, does that sexy gown say what she's got in store for her man?"

"I thought you would always be there to hold."

"The longer i must wait for justice, I grow ever hungry in the cold."

"Take from them just what they took from me."

"It’s hard to see a future when your purpose is your past."

"Shoot to kill and live to last."

"If loneliness is prison, every touch is liberation."

"I know good deeds don’t guarantee a path to some salvation."

"I’ve reclaimed just what they took from me."

"What I'd give and what I'd trade for all your flickers, your flickers of the light."

"You're just a bunch of lies."

"Oh, I have run to the letters that you wrote me."

"Oh, help me sleep at night."

"The morning fog and waking sun have healing ways."

"Gave up our lives just to find that it was not enough."

"Hope has no place here."

"Maybe the end we tried to avoid is already here."

"Some evil will never ever die."

"Even if it's in broken speech, I want you to tell me your pain."

"Pretending that the pain's worn off doesn't make you an adult."

"You're so precious to me it almost brings me to tears."

"All I fear means nothing."

"My heart's a battleground."

"You know that you're my super star."

"No one else can take me this far."

"You're giving me too many things lately. You're all I need."

"Don't get me wrong, I love you. But does that mean I have to meet your father?"

"Wish I could prove I love you, but does that mean I have to walk on water?"

"Whatever lies beyond this morning is a little later on."

"That's right, I heard the story. Don't really like how it ends."

"Did you think all this time that I wouldn't find out about you?"

"I'm the loser of the game you didn't know you were playing."

"It used to feel like a fairy tale, now it seems we were just pretending."

"Let's just live day by day and not be conquered by our sorrows."

"Can we get back to a happy place? We've suffered so much pain and sorrow."

"People make a history by threading the threads of love into it."

"We're the same, you and me."

"Love's the choice we made."

"Death can't bind our endless story."

"Pain is your reward for being near me."

"I am no one's blessing, I'll just bring you harm."

"Brother, you're safe now."

"Don't try to make yourself remember, darling."

"When I'm better, we'll do everything."

"I gotta stop making promises I can't keep."

"But if I was gone tomorrow, won't the waves crash on?"

"I told you to forget me, but you stayed by my side."

"I quite enjoy the life you say I'm trapped in."

"Well it's intriguing, but to go would cost me greatly."

"Your clothes might be dirty and covered with blood but i’ll still have a hot meal here waiting."

"Your heart is a safe place for others to land."

"You have two hands made to raise others up, and you have two clear eyes to see others with love."

"I’ll always be holding your heart and your hand."

"Without regret, I’d offer up my life."

"I would fly into the sun if that would keep our dream alive ."

"I will fight for you, no matter how I am despised ."

"No sleep until I'm done with finding the answer."

"I've been living for tomorrows all my life."

"They say that I must learn to kill before I can feel safe."

"I'd rather kill myself than turn into their slave."

"Feel me, touch me, heal me."

"Pretty little flower, won't you sit back down and go play nice?"

"My, oh my, look at who ends up bigger this time."

"Keep talking, keep laughing. One day you'll see what happens."

"Bury your doubts under the ground."

"Know I'm all bite, no bark."

"I'll stay so deep inside your brain and take you somewhere far away."

"Is it really a surprise if I'm playing with your mind?"

"Never had a soul, so you ain't taking anything from me when you go."

"A man learns who is there for him when the glitter fades and the walls won't hold."

"What are you willing to lose?"

"You're out of time, make your move."

"Kiss your perfect day goodbye."

"I had one thing, and you've taken it from me."

"You sent me back to nothing."

"Your best stuff looks like my worst."

"You look like you could use some more."

"What’s higher than the top? That's me."

"Wanna leave this hell, take me out, please."

"I’ll show you what I’m made of, rise to the occasion."

"You know your own worth very wel."

"You're not suited for the rage of war."

"Gonna break rules and hearts in twos."

"Only took a minute for me to get what you had."

"Way that I look should be breakin' the law."

"You know that I love the sound of applause."

"Sorry not sorry for bein' the best."

"I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you."

"Don't wanna let you down, but I am hell-bound."

"Your eyes, they shine so bright. I wanna save that light."

"I can't escape this now, unless you show me how."

"Why would you dare me to do it again?"

"Don't ever say it's over if I'm breathin'."

"They said I wouldn't make it out alive, they told me I would never see the rise."

"Why worship legends when you know that you can join 'em?"

"You stood me up, who do you think you are?"

"Now it hurts to meet your gaze."

"Nobody showed me how to return the love you give to me."

"I never wanted to ever bring you down."

"You touched my body once, it burns me still softly."

#rp meme #lyric meme

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kaladinstormsblessed · 1 year ago

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i am in boston which means i am nearly home! scotland was good but i am. exhausted mentally physically and emotionally. since april 24th i have returned to pa, gotten violently sick with a stomach bug, taught my silly little pompeii class, attended more end of semester events than i thought possible, socialized so much, started working in the library again, agonized over my conference paper, gave my conference paper, and spent 10 days in scotland. i am ready to. calm down and relax, especially since things will be picking up soon. i think my dad's death is finally starting to set in (my mom and younger sister are on a vacation that they had planned with him and my mom said he had actually seemed excited about it and was making plans for it, which he rarely did) and june is going to be a rough month (in 18 days, my dad's birthday, father's day, and my parent's anniversary) in addition to my regular summertime sadness etc. the exhaustion is really existential and bone deep at this point - i'm so tired and yet i have so much work to do. so i'm going to try and keep! it! simple! i give myself permission to be sort of a hermit for the next several days as i recover (except for therapy tomorrow :/ and maybe sunday bc m did offer to do something for my dad's birthday). i think i will use tomorrow as a reset day - therapy in the morning then laundry and maybe groceries/cooking. i may then sneak into campus bc i want to see if i can set myself up in a different study space on campus - our library is open stupid hours this summer and so i want to see if i can find another place to work. i will unfortunately want to move all of my stuff 🙃 after that, it's down to work.

prelim stuff

focus needs to be on finishing my notecards and essays. sacrifice is in pretty good shape, so it's really the other three: need to add some stuff to my homer essays and finish going through both commentaries for all seven books; need to tweak my pompeii essays; and then need to finish my flash cards for jerome. i will then want to spend a little bit of time each day studying.

i am also eyeing the possibility of renting a place in like. maine or connecticut while i'm taking my exams. this may be literally impossible but i want to explore the option. it would be so nice to be unreachable and have a nice little place on the water somewhere cool.... august is such a disgusting month.

diss stuff

going to ease into this! will reread all the letters in english and make a reference doc with notes and decide which to tackle in the latin first. i should also go back and look at my prelim notes for this and start getting some questions rolling. i need to remind myself that i only have two months since august will be all prelims. goal is to have something to my advisor when i touch base and confirm my prelims in early july and then right before i dig into my exams in august. ideally this would be the bare bones of a proposal.

american school

ugh a whole lot here. need to confirm i can sublease my apartment and find someone to take my place (fingers crossed j has found someone for me). need to confirm that my birth certificate is getting its apostille. need to do a whole bunch of paperwork some of which is probably going to be late (i don't have a pcp like a clown...if i die i die). i also need to confirm my visa appointment and what all i need (big things will be my letter and my flight). i will also need to completely redo my wardrobe which i hate but it'll be a good excuse for me to get rid of a whole lot of shit. don't need to go too wild but need good hiking boots and pants etc.

professional development

my only goal here is to have something for oxford patristics since it only happens every four years. that abstract isn't due until the end of august and i'm hoping something will spark in my diss research. i can also tentatively look at the roman baths and agency conference although that might be a bit much. i also want to keep an eye on a couple other things. i realized that i count as a medievalist in some circles (which...why) but means i should keep an eye on imc and kalamazoo. i might also want to submit the paper i just presented to naps (the hard thing is i will be in greece and am unsure if i'll be able to get away - but it's probably worth applying for). also pay attention to vagantes and see if i qualify for that.

there's also a conference at penn june 20th-22nd that touches on a lot of my research interests (and has multiple people i know and/or are getting cited in my sacrifice prelim) that i should attend.

mlsn

python class starts next tuesday! i cannot forget that! i need to email and ask a couple questions but hopefully this will be a more relaxed class bc i will not be lecturing the whole time.

exercise

i need to start doing yoga again! maybe i'll start at 3x per week. i also want to do physical therapy and walk for 60 mins every day. this is tricky bc it's already so hot. doing it after dark makes sense but when i'm home i'm home. i want to try and start getting up early (like 5ish?) so early morning maybe? idk to think on.

other stuff

i am feeling very socialized and overstimulated so i need to make sure i don't completely bury myself in the sand here. i have an invite from one of the first years to grab ethiopian food next week and plans to work out daddy issues with a couple of other folks on father's day. and i should keep up with trivia and try and make sure bingo with s happens. i would also love to get down for a phillies game and some other fun stuff in the city! i can think about this more but rn it's okay if i ignore people for awhile! i am feeling very overwhelmed!

this is. a lot. but it'll be okay! i will be glad to be back home and getting into some sort of routine.

#personal

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shokounderthechristmastree · 7 days ago

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SPOILER ALERT::: JJK SEASON 2::: if you didint finish season 2, then I think you should scroll…

guys I am still mad about the shibuya incident till this day.

I am specifically mad about how gege just started killing everybody off because of what his wife said. (his wife is so real.)

If any of you guys don’t know she said something about choosing gojo over gege lol

After she said that, he started tweaking out on us. First off, he started killing off junpei. Junpei was such a cute kid. If mahito didn’t kill him, then maybe he would’ve took yuujis offer on joining jujutsu high. It would probably be good for him because he can see curses (like how he saw mahito kill them people in the movie theater.) all he had to do is just learn some things from gojo, and then he could be a really good sorcerer.

He learned some stuff from mahito too I think. I think he used what he learned from mahito to kill his classmates. He died in that same school, just not in the same exact place as his classmates.

After that, shibuya incident came around. Gege decided to break our hearts in half by showing us a scene of “geto” and gojo seeing eachother. Gojo really thought geto was back. Half of his body was telling him that was geto, but his heart and soul knew otherwise. Then, after allat, he got stuck into the cube. He was in there for the remainder of season 2.

Then, gege decided to risk us (well me) from going crazy by showing us a scene where Haruta and Nobara get at it. I really thought nobara was really going to leave us. I was about to start tweaking. This was until nanami stepped into the scene. Ooo y’all don’t understand how HAPPY I was. Haruta got jumped by nanami it was crazy.

(Also, can we just talk about how nanami looked when he first stepped into the scene?)

LIKE OH MY GOSHHHH… He was definitely on that mewing streak during this. (I’ve been mewing for how long and I still don’t look atleast a little bit like this.) the difference between him in season one and THIS SPECIFIC SCENE goes crazy.

Anyway, back on track.

Can we talk about how ino only had like 10 minutes of screen time? It was so crazy. Ino was so fine and funny too😭 then before he could even start fighting, he got boxed by toji 💀 (not too much on ino though, he was fine.) Megumi and Yuuji thought he was going to come back alive. (bro did NAUWT come back to life.)

Can we also talk about how toji looked when he came back from being an apple logo? It was so crazy. he boxed ino, AND KILLED THE GRANPA AND GRANDMA. (he literally knocked the pearls off that grandma.) (apparently, He was in the grandpas body, and then I guess the grandpa lost to toji, and then there he is. idk how and what happened yall so don’t put me on this.)

I don’t have a lot of time left so I might have to make a pt.2 on this.

Can we talk about how Mei Mei was JUST in shibuya incident with yuuji, and then she’s seen in MALAYSIA (I think) SLEEPING WITH HER LITTLE BROTHER NAKEDLY??? like listen. There was one bed, so I understood why you guys would have to share a bed. BUT WHY ARE YOU NAKED?? like mei mei put your clothes back on… I don’t think your little brother wants to see your melons and your lunch… (he probably did, probably didn’t. Idk) mei mei just became drakes sister in the second season…

like keep mei mei fine ahh out but NOT near me and my school🔥🔥🔥

anyways guys, find part two later or tomorrow. (Or never if I forget about this..)

bye bye

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsu kaisen season 2 #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #hehehe #uuuuggghhhhh #IM SO TIRED OF THIS #RAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHH

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parksprout · 19 days ago

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Sprout Journal 11/3/24

Hey Tumblr! There's some stuff I wanna talk about today, so I'm going to do a lil journal entry. I was doing journaling at home with pen and paper, but frankly my handwriting is so bad and I use my hands like that so infrequently that I was cramping before I got even close to writing all of my thoughts out each day. So I decided I'm going to put my thoughts that I can share out like this, it can be somewhat of a log of my own self growth! And also keep me a lil sane if I'm struggling again.

Today has been a really good day, actually! So I was on a really successful diet for about 6 months during which I got a 3rd of the way to my overall weight goal and built a bunch of muscle. Then, when I started college full time, I basically stopped altogether. I didn't gain any weight back, but I have been plateaued (least favorite word to spell omg) for a looonggggg time. This week, I've been finally eating how I want to again. My go to breakfast has been

Overnight oats: 1/2 cup of unrefined dried oats 1/2 cup of 2% milk 1 whole banana cut into thin slices 1 tablespoon of honey

Honestly I had it on like the 29th without any banana or honey and that SHIT WAS ASSSSSSS. It was so bland, but I hate wasting food so I downed that slop anyway and felt siicccckkkk ough. Honestly it's been really hard to eat lately due to my current tweak out sesh (breakup stuff) and forcing myself to down that was terrible ToT. This new version with banana and honey is AMAZING THOUGH LIKE ITS GENUINELY TASTY?

After I ate that I went to work and... honestly? As much as I hate my co-workers? It was really good to see them today. They may be bad people, but they are all really attached to me. I have been giving them all life advice for so long because I thought I had it all figured out, and it's very funny being on the opposite end of things now. I specifically asked them if they think I was being silly for reaching out and breaking no contact with my partner (they are my ex but... ugh it doesn't feel right to say that, it makes my stomach hurt). I explained to them why, how, and when I did it and... they actually supported me, they are the only ones in my life who think that reaching out was anything but a mistake. I probably asked 12 people about it and only those three felt like... maybe I'm not wrong for trying to continue the conversation more than we did. Either way, they responded yesterday and we've been talking a lot today. Us talking naturally doesn't mean we're automatically back together, but it might be a new beginning of sorts regardless of what the end looks like. I'm feeling hopeful that we might be able to talk things out and heal, but I can't say anything for certain for now and probably won't be able to for a long time.

I can say that... I found out today that they were thinking about me too. When they started replying to my texts today I snuck out of work to sit in the back of my car and just... take in what they were saying, and respond. They took a picture at work that had my name on it... that made me cry real, fat tears for the first time since this happened. It's strange how I had been sobbing but my cheeks stayed dry, but the moment I talked to them and saw a glimmer of us in their life I started bawling in the back of my own car.

Today is also the first day I've rested instead of heading to the gym after work since this all started. Oh my god my body is so sore. Right now I'm planning out the rest of my night and physical activity is NOT on the agenda.

- After I post this I'll give myself a bit more time to rest and relax - Then it's time to work on homework! First I have to practice for an oral exam I have tomorrow in Spanish class. Then after that, I have both a presentation and another project in Archaeology due on Friday ToT I also have this re-write of a short story for creative writing that I need to work on a second draft of - Then I want to work on OC stuff? I have some ideas for a sleep token OC that I wanna work on, and also I think I can refine my OC's for DnD, my personal writing projects and more somewhat? I think it'd been neat to try and draw them myself sometime soon - besides that I don't think I have plans. Maybe some video games or reading if I have extra time!

Thank you for listening tonight tumblr, you're the realest <3 if anyone sees this, I'm still looking for more mutuals! I wanna learn more about people who share my interests, don't be a stranger :3

#sproutposting #journaling #personal writing

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imraespace · 25 days ago

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i have emerged from my dark alleyway… 😈 NEW ANON MUEHEDHHEV Welcome 😈😈😈

i was studyign for my hsitory test and finished my hsutory cpt yesterday i started at 4:30 and i finished at… 8:30…… 💔 HELP IDK WHY IT TOOK SO LONG IT WAS LEGIT JUST AN INTRO PARAGRAPH HELPMEEE WHY DUD IT TAKE ME SO LONG AND WATCH ME DO IT WRONG

My history test was suposoed to eb yesterday but then he was like no tomorrow!! SO NOW IM LIKE TWEAKING OUT BC MY FRIENDS SHOWED ME THEIR TEST LAYOUT AND THE WRITTEN PORTION IS SO BAD LIKE WDYM I HAVE TI CONNECT TWO EVENTS AND FIND A THEME AND THEN EXPLAIN THAT THEME LIKE I ALREADY DO THAT FOR AP ENGLISH WHY THE HELL AM I DOING IT IN HISTORY …. it doesnt help that i still dont know how to make a theme statement … 💜💜💜💜 But i have memorized the answers for any possible questions and he cant come up w that many there has to be an overlap at some point.

i also have a chem writing assessment thingy today or something and i feel liek im gonna do so bad on it today but its oaky i guess BC UM at leasti got 100 on one of my tests yesterday AND IM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW SO IM FREE FOR LIKE A DAY BEFKRE I GO BACK UGH i cant even like rest tomrorow bc i have to work on a cpt again 💔 i remember my business cpt and i didnt go to school just to finish it and it took me 12 hours of non stop grind but i got 100 on it 😈🙏

imgonan fall asleep i SWEAR IDONT WNANA FO TO SCHOOL 💔💔

dailt question is would you rather be a pretzel or a portable charger HELPME

- 🐙

omg speak of the octopus and she will arrive..🤫🤫

OMGA 4 HOURS LONG?? FOR AN INTRO PARAGRAPH? HELP DONT SAY THAT have confidence!!! (I don't I say the same thing all the time)

NOT THAT TEACHER SETTING YALL UP ALSO WHY IS HISTORY SO CONFUSING I ONLY REMEMBERED STUFF I LEARNED IN PRIMARY SCHOOL FOR MY COUNTRY'S HISTORY LIKE THE CARIBS AND ARAWAKS AND HOW THE ARAWAKS WAS PEACEFUL AND CARIBS WASNT AND that's all ik.. I forgot the rest

what the fac is a theme statement☹️

HELP I DID THAT ONCE BC our accounts exams are literally pass papers so I accidentally found the exact one our teacher gave us but that format she didn't teach us but somehow wanted us to know how to do like LIKE IM ALBERT DAMN EINSTEIN SO I FORGOT THE FORMAT BUT I REMEMBERED THE ANSWER SO I did something.. AND HADBTHE WRONG WORKING AS WELL HELP but at the end of the day THE DAMN FORMAT WASNY THE ONE SHE WANTED SO IDK WHAT SHE WANTS MY SOUL??

good luck.. ALSO CONGRATSTS I might not go to school tomorrow as well..

YOU HAVE A BUSINESS CPT?? omg guess who does business and brought it up many times😉😉🤫🤫🤫🤫😉😉😉🤫🤫🤫

YASS THE GRIND!!! I ALSO DONT WANNA GO TO SCHOOL I WAS UP AT 3AM DOING WORK BC I accidentally fell asleep as soon as came home from school and slept till 10pm but thats not my fault! I was also watching bratz bc I was a bratz girlie when I was younger heheheheheh my bsf was barbie and I was bratz🤫

HELP WHAT IS THIS QUESTION? erm a pretzel bc they're tasty😊

#imraesrandom #imraes inbox !#- 🐙anon #imraespace -♡

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hospitalterrorizer · 1 year ago

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diary12

getting better all the time. 9/16-17/2023

today was better than yesterday. yesterday i was so miserable because basically i realized that i was mixing everything with bad ears (the usual setup i was using was sapping a ton of low end, kind of shelf effect where everything around 100hz and below was super quiet and almost nonexistent) which leads to obvious overcompensation when mixing otherwise, bass and kicks too loud. so i had to go through, today, and figure out what was fucked up and what wasn't. less than you'd expect was fucked up, but i had to run through about 25 or more songs and then start a and b-ing things to see what was fine and what wasn't, but some stuff has really messed up mixes and that takes hours to unfuck, i don't know, like 5 songs about, 1 taking a bunch of my time today especially. this setup also sapped a lot of high end while also saturating the mix, so everything just sounds different now, some stuff sounds less clinky, and i need to get some kinds of distortion more right/see if i like putting saturation on the master. one song sounds alright with it, but will i feel that way tomorrow. another thing is it really messes with the vocal mixes. it's weird, because the mid-range is so favored in that setup by its nature i guess, it kind of begins to favor where the vocals and "guitars" sit in these songs, and so i mixed around that trying to get the vocals less emphasized and guitars more up front. this puts me in a weird place, because in this other setup which is just me getting my system audio, it's weirdly not favoring guitars, and the vocals are duller because of the lack of saturation and say, not cutting them too much in the lows. the vocals are an easier fix, i need to put a multiband on them and boost the highs, i did that to the songs that i've done vocals for recently to get the brighter/better. when i go to the old setup, it's really fucked up, because it pushes them up front even more, but if i swap in shitty earbuds on the system audio setup, it sounds a lot better to have the vocals pushed out of the mids a bit more than have them fully there, because it eats like every other sound on the song. maybe i'm just bad at mixing, if i were good, these things would sound serviceable in these other environments, but now i think i'm figuring that out now. i guess.

the guitars are either going to be really frustrating or i'll have a breakthrough. it makes me want to cry though. it's so strange because they both have more body and feel like they need some tweaking, more brightness maybe or saturation still, but they're so distorted already.

i think what i'm really getting hung up on is one song, a super short one, that i want to be more readable, so maybe i'll just kill myself doing that or something forever who knows. i'm already opening ableton again to try and get it right lol. i have been doing this since 1 pm today and now it's 1:37.

the reason this takes so long is cuz my computer sucks so bad it makes me want to give up or not really just makes me want to die.

okay and now another version of that same song is rendering and could you believe i am back here typing one who hour later. i spent maybe an hour and a half in the shower and around dinner (11 pm) i finally let myself take a break after finally getting what felt like a good amount done, but here i am, back again doing this. i am stupid and insane.

i still need to work on it. i think i can get it right it's just so difficult.

wwow more than 2 hours later still not where i want it but closer i think.

ok now it's 6 in the morning basically and i think i did it. i hope. i'm waiting on it to render but this should be it, i think.

yayayayayayay i think i have it and when i wake up tomorrow i think i'll like it and whatever needs to be done to it now is like at most moving the high pass on it up probably to remove some dullness but i want to hear it tomorrow to see if i'm crazy for thinking that might need to be done at all.

i'm so tired now i hate being up this late.

soon i will be happy with everything again i hope.

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dmcoffee · 2 years ago

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Journal is packed away but I need brain clarity.

I think I am sitting pretty between panic and disassociation, so here's me whinging about the chaos to get it of my brain because I cannot find my journal atm.

So! RV's got hiccups. Some of this I expected. My range of solutions and subsequent picking of more mechanically minded individuals brains has netted me bumpkis atm. (Pretty sure there's an electrical issue. Alternator is my guess.) My tools are limited. My funds are limited at this precise moment. (And I have to make sure I'm careful about keeping gas money available so I can work.)

And I haven't been able to really get in there and so any work sealing up holes, because current elevation and lack of a ladder prevents me from monkeying all over it. Still missing two massive windows, rendering it unsafe to use for sleeping atm. And I cannot move it to work on it. I did run some primer on the inside and treated some of the wood pieces (I think I can get by on 1-2 small spackle cans here, the damage there is minor.)

Packing is slow and overwhelming. I think its emotional, but I'll bear it in mind next time I have to go see the doctor. Considering how much my other siblings are getting fascinating diagnosis's recently, there's a chance I too may be not as balanced as I could be with medication or some other accommodation.

Right now however, it's like pulling teeth. And I'm physically exhausted. Pretty sure I've managed to remember all the meals I need to eat. Have more going now because I felt hungry, so I'm trusting that. Also good way to get rid of perishables.

Technically I should be out tomorrow. IDK how the hell that's gonna look. There is still so. much. stuff. And only the van to put what I'm keeping into it.

This place needs to be cleaned too. I'm not sure I can let myself be petty enough to leave it as this guy's problem, even if he is a shit landlord.

I also think I might be getting sick. I'm hoping that this fatigue and that feeling in the back of my throat are all just from stress and allergies. I can't afford to get sick. (I'm an American, duh.)

The really crappy part is I might have to ask to stay at someone's for a while. With my cat...

I do not want to do that. Logically I know that even with it being a temporary thing, it's a big ask. And my friends have said that's a better alternative to me sleeping out of my car...I just feel incredibly frustrated and ashamed to have to reach out.

I've reviewed everything I know about what's happened, and aside from some minor tweaks, I don't think I could've avoided this outcome though...

The mental health had to be addressed. The meds were from my doctor. The side effects weren't caused by anything I did. And I physically could not keep up. My job hunt was long and difficult. I interviewed for the same position at the same store 3 times! And they're still "hiring.". (How???? The place was always packed with eager applicants too.) I wasn't being picky, I just picked whatever I could do that would cover my rent. Not enough.

I had 6 months put back for emergencies like this. It wasn't enough.

I partially paid the landlord and kept him in the loop. (Something he didn't do for me, I might add.)

And then when I looked into what to do once he gave me my two weeks, I lucked into the RV deal. Because rent's too high or with unknown roommates. (Bonus points for them being college guys. I'm don't want to room with guys I don't know. Did ask 1 person I knew, but we couldn't make that happen.)

All in all? It all makes sense. It all sucks. And at most I could've...applied more than just 10 apps per day? That's it, I think...

Yet I still feel guilty, like I didn't do enough, because that's how I was taught you're supposed to think of people. If you can't see them burning themselves out first, then they clearly aren't trying, and are probably just mooches and manipulators. (Ironically, I can't hold this opinion of others, but I sure as hell apply it to myself.)

Even though a few steps here and there might've forestalled worse consequences. (I guess I could've asked for help to pay rent until I found a job, but...I hate that. Intensely.)

So I'm starting to fizzle a bit and I'm going to have to ask, and I hate that. So I'm mad with my situation. Frustrated that I'm not an island and the cool self-sufficient adult I've heard about in grown-ups myths. Mostly I just feel like a very sad houseplant. IDK....

#I'm still looking forward to getting the RV into shape #but there's the here and now to think about too #and it's a littttttle grim at the moment #food and sleep will help #right?#right.#delete later

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iturbide · 7 years ago

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Honestly, bless you and your writing! Quality content fadgsaffsg-- But what if something super bad happened? Like the summoner somehow got captured by maybe Muspell (Surtr?) ovo I'm imagining the reasoning could be something like 'Askr is nothing without their precious summoner. Watch as their mockery of a kingdom falls apart even before I raze it to the ground.' kinda deal? How would Grima (and the whole castle by proxy I suppose) react? :>

quality content I am so flattered okay i’m still screaming about this

but okay you see this

this prompt

this set my brain on fire

so please forgive me for the fact that this monster is literally 6,500 words long and clocks in at a full 18 pages

If you’ve read anything else of mine that exceeds a thousand words, I like to change perspective sometimes. For ease of understanding, asterisks (*) represent a perspective shift, dashes (-) represent a scene shift. The first bit is there as a teaser, the part below the cut is significantly larger, you have been warned.

Kiran was fairly certain by now that combat would never become familiar. Nothing in their prior life could have prepared them for this, and even with as many fights as they’d seen (and between the conflict with first Embla, now Múspell, and all of the battles waged for practice in the Training Tower or sport in the Arena, they had seen a lot), it never really felt natural or right, sending soldiers – friends – onto the field to fight and bleed and sometimes fall for the Askran cause.

Perhaps it was good that war did not sit well with them. But regardless of their feelings, they had a job to do here, and they intended to do it well. Anything to keep Askr from becoming a mirror of Nifl’s scorched wasteland: the further they traveled, the more wreckage they encountered, empty towns covered in snow that could not hide the burned remains of what had once been thriving communities.

As they continued their trek toward Nifl’s former capital, the Askran forces had run afoul of Múspell soldiers camped in one of the ruined villages. Tagging Ike, they glanced briefly at his health, winced, and instead sent Lissa to heal him before ordering the young mercenary into a green mage’s line of fire. Robin moved to intercept a mounted archer encroaching on their flank, sending a conspiracy of magic ravens tearing through the bowman’s defenses, while overhead a six-winged dragon banked slowly over the battle, awaiting his next command.

“We might need to retreat,” Kiran muttered as enemy reinforcements appeared upfield, well beyond their line of sight but easily tracked by the tactical map piped into their phone. The axe fighter and the red manakete wouldn’t be so bad, with Alphonse and Sharena to intercept them, but the cavalier with the firesweep lance was another matter…

“The situation hardly seems so dire.”

The Summoner looked up at the hooded figure leaning over their shoulder, a wry smile twitching across their face. “When did you take over as the Order’s tactician?”

Grima rolled his eyes, keeping easy pace with the Kiran as they picked their way through the remnants of the village square. Several of the houses beyond remained more or less intact: the narrow streets would afford them a good choke point to deal with additional reinforcements, provided they could keep their ranks in order. Humming thoughtfully to themselves as they climbed the steps of an abandoned home, Kiran drew the Askran fighters one by one across the on-screen grid, casting a quick glance back the way they’d come to see faintly glowing marks on the ground leading into the plaza. They still had no idea what Breidablik had done to their phone, but it had certainly been effective.

“Incoming,” the Summoner noted, listening to the approaching hoofbeats. “You ready?”

The fell dragon grinned, violet flames licking at his boots. “Always,” he chuckled. Though they both knew it wasn’t necessary, Kiran still moved Grima’s icon down the street as he advanced, the great six-winged form overhead descending to attack. More reinforcements had appeared around the square, and the Summoner bit their lip as they sized up the new opposition, attempting to suss out the least risky solution to their predicament. Tapping a few troops experimentally, Kiran gauged their chances…and, satisfied that they could pull off a defensive ploy, moved their allies one by one to engage the newly summoned soldiers, grinning as the blinding glow from Alphonse’s Sol momentarily brightened the overcast afternoon. Grima’s dragon form screeched as an axe fighter filled the position occupied by the now fallen cavalryman, and the Summoner glanced briefly at the screen…only to chuckle at the damage predictor’s single-digit output. Even with two hits, there was no chance they could take down the Wings of Despair. Maybe they had been too hasty, considering retreat–

“Hello, Summoner.”

Kiran froze.

They hadn’t heard movement in the building behind them. Hadn’t even considered that someone might be in there waiting – which was foolish, given the hard lesson they’d learned combatting the Black Knight not so long ago. But they slowly raised their hands in the universal gesture of peaceful submission, taking great care not to disturb the blade pressed to their neck.

“Hello,” the Summoner replied, grateful that their voice did not quake the way the rest of them did. “It’s Laegjarn, right?”

“I’m flattered that you recall my name,” the general chuckled. “Perhaps you also recall my offer.”

“Surrender quietly and you won’t hurt me?”

“Your memory serves you well. What say you?”

Kiran swallowed, feeling the sword’s edge burn their throat. With the fight still raging out of sight in the plaza and Grima’s attention focused on the wyvern rider flying into range, no one had seen the enemy under their noses. No help was coming.

Some tactician they turned out to be.

“I submit.”

“Very good. Please disarm, Summoner.”

The blade at their throat relaxed an inch. Nodding slightly, Kiran removed Breidablik from its place on their hip, kneeling to lay it on the stoop alongside their phone…

…and as they lingered, casting one last pleading look toward the fell dragon, they cranked the volume up to the max. The music barely even reached their own ears over the pounding of their heart, and the general made no remark on it as the Summoner straightened.

“Thank you for being so cooperative,” Laegjarn remarked, taking hold of Kiran’s arm and pulling them into the shadows of the scorched house. The back half had collapsed, blackened beams jutting from the ash; the Múspell general paid the wreckage no mind as she guided them out onto the next road and past a fresh wave of soldiers. “Retreat,” she ordered. “We have what we came for.”

The troops pulled back from the village with shocking speed. The Askran forces remained, perhaps confused by the swift turn of the tides, perhaps elated at their victory. Kiran did not know. They could only wonder what the Heroes would feel when they realized what they’d lost.

***

Grima frowned as the Múspell soldiers withdrew. “Barely a challenge,” he snorted.

Something’s strange.

“I’m inclined to agree, given how fierce these forces are said to be–”

We were outnumbered. There were still reinforcements coming in. Why did they retreat?

He glanced up at the dragon floating lazily overhead.

A wyvern rider tried to stab you in the face. I don’t think the dragon really made much of an impression.

A grin twitched across Grima’s face as he moved back down the icy road. Kiran had left the doorstep; turning into the square, the fell dragon joined the other Heroes that had gathered, submitting without complaint to the fair-haired cleric’s treatment.

“I was worried for a moment there,” the Askran princess giggled. “There were so many of them!”

“Nothing we couldn’t handle,” Ike muttered, the words clearly at odds with the wounds the healer had yet to mend.

“What troubles me is how quickly the tides turned,” Alphonse said. “Our enemy has shown fearsome skill at predicting our course of action and heading us off…they may seek to lure us into a trap.”

“Where’s Kiran?” Anna asked. “Perhaps they’ll have some insight…”

All eyes turned to Grima.

A sense of disquieting unease crawled down his spine. “I did not see them when the battle ended. I thought they had joined you here.”

But scanning the worried Heroes that turned to look amongst each other, he found no trace of the Summoner.

“They can’t be far…right?” Lissa asked, wringing her staff between her hands.

“Let’s look for them. Perhaps they were sidetracked investigating something,” Robin suggested, the slight tremor in his voice betraying his otherwise calm logic.

The fell dragon retraced his steps as the other members of the Order fanned out through the square, calling to the Summoner to reveal themselves. Approaching the doorstep where he had left them, Grima narrowed his eyes at the open doorway leading into the wreckage. Had it been ajar before? If Kiran intended this to be some prank–

That isn’t like them.

As he drew close, an odd sound snared Grima’s attention: a muffled, melodic hum from somewhere nearby. Tilting his head, he peered up and down the street, toward the scorched eaves, down to the snowy ground…

Oh, gods.

The fell dragon crouched, lifting the Summoner’s magic tile off the step. Free of the ice, the song it sang grew louder, a tense battle hymn that set his nerves on edge. “Kiran,” he called, taking to his feet and striding through the doorway, out through the collapsed rear wall, and across the packed snow left by the enemy’s retreat.

No response.

They won’t hear you.

“Kiran!” Grima snarled, loud enough to echo through the wreckage, distorting beyond recognition.

They can’t hear you.

“KIRAN!!”

The dragon overhead shrieked in unison with him, sending scores of dark birds rushing from the forests on every side. But as the ringing in his ears at last abated, nothing more than silence greeted him.

They’re gone.

—

The Order had searched. They had scoured the woods until the last light left the sky, following the tracks left by the Múspell soldiers in hopes of finding the place where they converged; but even with six eyes overhead peering through the dark, they found no clues to spur their progress.

Nightfall forced their hand. With few options and grave uncertainties of what lay ahead, the Order’s commander called for a retreat back to Askr to resupply and assess the situation. And as little as Grima liked it, he had nothing better to offer.

“We should gather reinforcements,” the Askran prince insisted as they strode through the luminous gateway into the plaza. “The Múspell forces couldn’t have traveled far. If we set off at dawn we may be able to catch up with them–”

“It’s too risky,” the commander replied. “We don’t know how many soldiers they have. Even if we were to take the whole of the Order, we’ve no guarantee of victory – and that could be exactly what they want, leaving Askr’s defenses weak for Surtr’s invasion force. Until we know more, we should wait and prepare.”

“You would abandon them.”

The words echoed through the plaza, leaving silence in their wake. Grima stalked forward, rage fueling the violet tongues of flame that swirled around him; only the warning from the presence in the back of his mind kept him from lifting the red-headed general off the ground by the front of her tunic. The Askrans still retreated, warily touching their weapons as the fell dragon stared down at them.

“We’re not abandoning anyone,” Anna insisted, the tremor in her voice undercutting her patient tone. “Rushing in will only put everyone at risk.”

“Múspell’s general is a formidable strategist, but has treated the people of Nifl fairly even after its fall,” Fjorm offered. “If she has taken the Summoner, we can be assured of their safety until terms are delivered–”

“And if Surtr is responsible then they may be dead already,” Grima snarled.

“…we can’t afford to risk the Order, or the Summoner’s life, by rushing in ill prepared,” the commander repeated. “We will make ready, and when we receive word–”

The fell dragon bared his fangs, feeling the pull of the great form atop the castle and wanting nothing more than to bring the walls crumbling down on the Askrans’ miserable heads…

That won’t help Kiran.

He hated that voice. All the more for the fact that he knew that it spoke true.

Clenching his fists, Grima stormed from the plaza, winding his way through the halls and up to the castle roof where his six-eyed form roosted. The dragon made a small noise of distress, six eyes fixed on the distant horizon while Grima settled against the parapets and struggled to fight down the rage burning its way through him. “Miserable wretched cowardly worms, every one of them–”

They have some sound points.

“They’re leaving Kiran to die, how is that a sound point?”

If Surtr had been involved, we would have known it. He likes to gloat too much. He wouldn’t have retreated with Kiran, he would have made it known immediately what he’d done. Odds are good that it is the general who’s responsible, then, and that gives us time to prepare.

“Prepare for what? Do you really imagine their terms will be anything beyond ‘surrender or we slaughter the Summoner?’”

…unconditional surrender or providing Gunnthrá’s location would be my guess.

Grima sneered, pressing his fists to his forehead. “How reassuring.”

What else can we do, though?

“How should I know? As I recall, you were the genius tactician.”

The presence at the back of his mind had no response for that.

Heaving a heavy sigh, the fell dragon reached into the pocket of his coat, removing the Summoner’s magic tile. The divine weapon they’d left behind had been left in the commander’s care…but Grima had kept the Summoner’s fohn. The surface had gone dark, the eerie music silent now as he held the device in his palm…but as he prodded it experimentally, the screen flashed to light, a series of tiny white dots speckling the bottom of the screen.

He had watched Kiran toy with this blasted thing often enough. Touching the surface, he drew his finger through several of the spots…and with a soft click, the tile’s surface rippled and changed, a faint red cast overtaking the screen. Touching it lightly sent sparks dancing under his fingers…before a map of the Askran kingdom appeared, glowing stones marked with ornate banners scattered across the continent. The Summoner had shown him this once before…tapping one the seals arranged along the bottom of the tile, he frowned at the banners filing down before his eyes. Skills, seals, growth…tapping another made the surface shimmer into a list of even less helpful banners: dueling swords, stamina restoration, barracks expansion…

What are you looking for?

“There must be some way to help them,” the fell dragon muttered. “If this so-called ‘Order of Heroes’ is as grand as the Askrans claim, there must be something…”

Like what?

“If I knew that, would I be searching?” Grima growled, squinting in the tile’s light and touching another symbol, only to find himself back on the map of the kingdom. “Wretched thing…”

Try the last one. On the right.

“I didn’t ask you,” Grima snarled.

…I want them back, too, you know. But I don’t have a body anymore. I can only help if you’ll let me.

Silence settled over the rooftop, broken only by the whisper of the breeze rustling the Askran flags flying high over the towers. And finally, without ire or protest, the fell dragon touched the furthest symbol, scanning the list of banners that scrolled before his eyes.

There. Catalog of Heroes.

Grima touched the words, watching the screen shimmer and change, displaying tiny portraits of the Heroes assembled within the Askran palace. Dragging his fingertip along the edge sent the tiles trailing out of sight, replaced by new ones. Some were familiar: Naga’s young daughter, the Hoshidan archer prince, the Ylissean tacticians…others much less so.

Touch one.

He did without argument. The surface briefly darkened before an image appeared of a fair-haired man in red, a quiver of arrows secured at his side; a scroll emblazoned with a name and epithet hovered over a brief biography…

A strategist.

“How many do you think there are?” Grima asked quietly, touching the scrollwork arrows and browsing through the other Heroes.

If we’re lucky? Enough.

The dragon felt a smile tug at his lips, exposing pale fangs to the moonlight. “Then tell me, tactician: what will we need?”

—

It came as no surprise when the Askran troops made no move. One day passed. Then another. A pall of silence hung over the castle; the Heroes carried on their conversations in hushed voices and terse words, half their attention seeming forever fixed on the gates leading to the lands beyond Askr in hopes that some message would arrive from beyond their borders.

None came.

And for that, Grima was grateful. It would have been far more difficult to lay plans with the Order scrambling to meet Múspell’s demands.

Nightfall cleared the plaza. None of the Heroes seemed interested in idle chatter when one of their own was missing. And it made the task of locating them far easier as he stalked through the quiet barracks, glancing from door to door and knocking one by one on the rooms he and the tactician had so carefully chosen.

Responses were, as expected, mixed. Soren had no interest in helping Grima, with his loyalties so firmly tied to the young mercenary swordsman; Ike, however, needed no encouragement at all to join when he heard the proposal, and in his wake the strategist grudgingly followed. The Ylissean tacticians, meanwhile, were far more open to hearing the fell dragon out, though the rest of their exalted families harbored grave misgivings (and Grima felt a pang from the presence in his mind when Lucina touched her sword).

They assembled in the castle’s grand council chamber, taking their seats at the round table and looking among their number: four Ylissean tacticians in various states of dress and festive attire, one fair-haired Archanean archer, a stoic swordsman and his branded mage companion an Ostian spy with a sly smile and sharp eyes, and one Ylissean thief contemplating the gathering over a lollipop.

“You said this is about Kiran,” Ike said, breaking the uncomfortable silence at last.

“I did,” Grima agreed. “And it is.”

“Have you seen something?” his counterpart ventured, glancing up at the ceiling as though searching for the six-winged form roosting far above.

“No,” the dragon replied. “Which is why I asked you here.”

“…’fraid I don’t follow,” Gaius muttered.

Yes he does. He just wants to hear you say it.

“How ‘bout you spell it out for us?” the thief continued, leaning far enough back in his chair to nearly upend it.

A smile carved its way across Grima’s face. “Why are we all here in this place, fighting this war?”

“We were summoned,” Jeorge replied. “By Kiran, and that strange weapon they hold.”

“I’m still not sure if we’re bound by contract or not,” Robin said, twisting a lock of long white hair around her finger. “We can’t go home unless we’re sent back, but…”

“I don’t…exactly feel obligated to help here,” her twin agreed, adjusting the coat over her bare shoulders. “Not like some of the Heroes we’ve encountered in Veronica’s ranks.

“Why is that?” the fell dragon asked. “Why do you remain here, why do you commit yourself to the Askran cause, if not for a contract?”

“I’m only here because Ike is,” Soren grumbled.

The swordsman paid him no mind, meeting Grima’s eye steadily. “Kiran.”

“Kiran,” the fell dragon repeated, beginning to pace the length of the room. “The Summoner. The one who brought us together, who’s honed our skills, who’s afforded us every chance to better ourselves. Who’s listened to us, and tried to help us find our places in this strange world. Who’s seen us through countless battles and allowed us to be the Heroes we’ve been branded, regardless of our worth.”

You’re waxing poetic.

Kiran brought out a strange side of him. Turning to the assembled Heroes, he leaned his weight against the table. “Who’s now lost behind enemy lines, who’s been abandoned by the leaders of this Order, and who may be in danger.”

“You heard Anna,” the festive tactician noted uncomfortably, folding his mittened hands a few times. “There’s too much of a risk, both to ourselves and to Kiran, to charge back in when we don’t know the full situation.”

A smile tugged at Grima’s lips, exposing the tips of his fangs. “Then perhaps it would behoove us to rectify that.”

“…alright. I’ll bite. How?” Matthew asked, his smile twitching as he fought to keep it in place.

“A covert operation.”

All eyes turned to Grima’s doppelganger. He folded his hands on the table, meeting the fell dragon’s eye steadily. “That’s what you’d propose. Isn’t it?”

“No wonder you need spies and strategists,” the woman seated beside him remarked. “The first to slip into the Múspell camp, assess their forces and potential weak points; the other to take that and devise the plan to strike, extract Kiran, and retreat.”

“I’d expect nothing less from Ylisse’s illustrious tacticians,” the fell dragon murmured, inclining his head in agreement.

“Why, though?” Gaius asked, propping his boots on the edge of the table. “What’s in it for you?”

The assembled Heroes turned their attention back to Grima. He met their stares without flinching, standing tall beside his place at the table. “You imagine I have selfish motivations. And you are not mistaken. Were it another, I would have no qualms about leaving them, whether they were royalty or the Order’s commander. But this is Kiran. They are a weak, wretched, pathetic excuse for a human, unable even to defend themselves in a fight. I want them returned. Nothing more.”

“…I would like to see the Summoner returned safely, myself,” Jeorge remarked, resting his chin on his hands as the other Heroes nodded in agreement. “So, then. Where do we begin?”

—

The council lasted well into the darkest hours of the night. But their plans came together, bit by bit, until at last they parted ways to rest and prepare for the opportune moment. Slipping through the plaza, Grima made his way toward the soft glow of the gates that led beyond the Askran kingdom. If conditions were in their favor, they might be able to set things in motion with the next nightfall–

“Where is Kiran?”

He paused, glancing over his shoulder at Hoshido’s archer prince as he emerged from the shadows of the pillars. “Not here,” the fell dragon replied brusquely.

“Where?” His voice sounded hoarse. Narrowing his eyes, Grima watched the noxious violet fog swirl and eddy around the young man. The possessed one, then.

The volatile one.

“I haven’t seen them since the battle,” the fell dragon said.

“I need to find them,” Takumi insisted. “Where are they?”

“I could not say. But they are not here. Look elsewhere.”

“I’ve looked. Everywhere. Nowhere else to go. I need to find them.”

“…why?” Grima asked.

“It won’t go away.”

The archer pressed a hand to his face, fingers curling into an unsteady fist. “I try. I try to block it out, but…the voice keeps telling me…to kill them, all of them, and I can’t make it stop, I need Kiran to make it stop, I need them, where are they…?”

“Gone.”

Takumi looked up, his expression an unsettling mask of distress and rage. “Where?”

“Captured.”

Are you sure you should be telling him that?

“By who?” the archer growled.

“Múspell,” Grima replied.

“Get them back.”

“The Order intends to do nothing,” the fell dragon sneered. “They will sit on their hands and wait for Surtr’s demands. Or for him to put Kiran’s charred corpse on display. Whichever comes first, I suppose.”

The mist around the prince seethed and roiled, and a thin smile cut across Grima’s face as he watched the bow at Takumi’s side begin to tremble.

You’re doing it on purpose.

“I will go.”

“The Order won’t allow it,” the fell dragon remarked.

“I don’t care. I’ll go. I’ll kill them all for Kiran, I’ll get them back, I’ll…”

“You want Kiran back so badly?” Grima murmured, knowing the answer even before he asked. Takumi nodded, offering no more than a low, guttural noise of assent. “Then collect yourself.”

The singer might be able to help. Azura? Kiran called her in to help before, I think…

The fell dragon gestured for Takumi to follow, making his way back into the halls. Considering their purpose, a performer could prove advantageous, though a songstress ran the risk of betraying their position…

But if you plan to use him, you need a way to keep him together. Besides, a singer doesn’t need room to perform the way a dancer does. Reach out to the one in blue, she’ll have a better chance of blending into the dark.

The fell dragon grinned. Perhaps it truly had been a stroke of luck that he’d been bound to a tactician’s body.

You can thank me any time.

…he might consider it if they succeeded.

***

Laegjarn had been true to her word: following the retreat from the village, the Múspell general had personally escorted the Summoner through the march to the edge of the forest before placing them – under heavy guard, of course – in a private tent near the heart of the camp. While Kiran was grateful for that, it didn’t stop anxiety from gnawing a hole through their gut, leaving them queasy and sleepless through the next few days and nights.

It didn’t help that Surtr was on his way. Laegjarn hadn’t said anything about it, but the Summoner had heard her call for a messenger shortly after they made camp. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to guess what she was going to send.

Aside from the unbearable waiting, though, it wasn’t as bad as Kiran might have expected. No one bothered them, the general was conscious of their needs, and the conditions were more than fair given their prisoner status.

The Summoner wondered, often, as their nerves twisted their stomach into knots, what would end up happening to them. Laegjarn had vowed that no harm would befall them, but with Surtr on the way, that seemed like a hard promise to keep. Would she be able to convince her father to discuss nonviolent terms? Would the flame king overrule his general and act on whatever violent whims ruled him? Would…

…would the Order somehow find a way to save them?

Impossible as it seemed, that was the thought that gave them the most heart. Heroes swooping in to the rescue, defeating the Múspell soldiers…

A flurry of activity on the third night made their heart seize up. Kiran heard Laegjarn calmly directing the soldiers as she strode past the Summoner’s tent…and as she passed, someone entered: not the eldest princess of Múspell, but her sister, her face an expressionless mask and her eyes far colder than her heritage would have implied.

“Is something going on?” Kiran asked, feigning calm.

“You will come with me,” Laevatein ordered.

The Summoner heard no room for argument. And they weren’t exactly in a position to protest, either. Rising to their feet, Kiran approached the young general, submitting without protest as she took hold of their arm and led them out of the tent.

The frantic bustle of activity set their nerves on edge as they moved toward the lanterns lighting the front of the camp. “Your sister seems pretty great,” they noted quietly, watching soldiers scrambling from one corner of the camp to another. Kiran swore they saw the ghost of a smile cross Laevatein’s face at that, though she made no reply. “I’d like to thank her, if I could. Sometime. Y’know. I really appreciate everything she’s done…”

Anything else they might have wanted to say died on their tongue as they approached the edge of camp. The lights they had seen were not lanterns at all: they were naked flames, writhing in the air and nearly choking the Summoner with their heat alone. And at their heart stood the Ruler of Flame himself, his dark eyes staring down at them through the rippling haze.

“I present the Askran Summoner,” Laegjarn said, gesturing to Kiran as Laevatein released their arm.

A wicked sneer sliced across Surtr’s face, and any breath the Summoner might have salvaged to speak abandoned them. “Pathetic,” he chuckled, a sound so low it seemed to shake the ground. “This wretched thing is what’s given them such nerve? They look like they would lose to a mere ember.”

Kiran had to admit that they probably would. But the words would not come out, even if they’d wanted to speak.

The man’s smile grew, exposing teeth and gums alike. “I wonder how well they will burn.”

He raised a hand, and the Summoner stared at the flames licking his fingers, sparking across his nails and crackling in his palm. They could not speak. They could not move. Try as they might, all they could do was watch in growing horror as his hand stretched toward them, the heat baking their skin and singing the edges of their hood and oh gods this was how they would die, they would burn to death here and they couldn’t even cry as they stood rooted in terror beneath the burning gaze of Múspell’s king–

A hand closed on their arm, pulling them back a step.

Kiran stumbled, gasping into their sleeve as Laegjarn placed herself between the Summoner and her father. “I gave my oath that no harm would befall them,” she said, her voice perfectly composed. “The Summoner is a valuable bargaining chip. We can deliver terms of surrender to Askr in exchange for their safe return and end this war tomorrow, but only if we have the Summoner to offer–”

“You should not have made such a hasty oath,” Surtr growled. “Stand aside, or the flames may feast twice this night.”

Kiran’s knees threatened to give way beneath them as Múspell’s king brushed his daughter aside, leaving her armor scorched from even so light a touch. Another step and he loomed over them, the flames making him seem still larger as they flared around him, and the Summoner could not be sure whether it was the haze of heat around him or the adrenaline coursing through them that made his silhouette waver and blur–

And in a flash, chaos erupted all around them.

Horses shrieked and bolted with glowing green wolves snapping at their heels, blue-black ravens descended on the archers reaching for their bows, and wyvern riders taking to the skies fell to a hail of arrows. Kiran scrambled blindly out of the way of the scattering soldiers–

Someone gripped their arm. The Summoner yelped, whirling in a panic…

“Stop sniveling, Summoner.”

Their breath caught.

“…Grima!?”

***

The weather held throughout the day and after the fall of night. Thick clouds obscured the moon and stars from sight as the band of Heroes made their way through the dark: two mages, two dagger wielders, two archers, a swordsman, and a songstress with an ornate axe. Not a brigade for sustained combat, but they had all agreed it would suffice for a strategic strike.

They found the Múspell camp with little difficulty. Gaius and Matthew slipped from the cover of the trees, darting across the icy ground to the pillars of ice that sheltered the enemy tents. They would need time to assess the situation and return to brief the rest of the company…

A sound overhead drew his attention. Glancing up at the heavy clouds, Grima narrowed his eyes at the winged silhouette moving against the sky. He scanned their small force, catching Takumi’s eye and gesturing up to the enemy on patrol; the archer followed his gaze, raising his bow and taking careful aim before loosing a bolt of black energy into the air. The fell dragon saw the wyvern jerk and list in its flight an instant before its wings crumpled…

A sharp hiss drew his attention back. He frowned, watching Takumi shudder while the aura pulsed and coiled around his neck. Nodding briefly to the dark-clad singer, he focused once more on encampment glowing against the blue-white ice while a soft song filled their ears. Even from this distance, he could see soldiers moving hastily through the lines of tents, seething and swarming like ants disturbed from their mound. Something was going on, that much was clear…

He heard, rather than saw, the return of the spies from their patrol, the faint crunch of pine needles and snow under soft boots betraying their presence. “We gotta move fast,” Gaius muttered as he slunk up to Grima’s side. “Bad news just walked in.”

The fell dragon growled low in his throat. That would explain the activity. “Then we had best make haste.”

He moved swiftly, hearing the others following his lead. They moved swiftly, dark shadows against the pale ice, taking shelter behind the icy stones that littered the plain. As they drew close, he saw Surtr speaking with one of the two Múspell generals, watched him brush the woman aside, his hand reaching for…

Kiran.

“Now,” he hissed.

They did not hesitate. The tacticians leapt into action, their spells descending on the encampment and throwing its soldiers into disarray. Jeorge and Takumi took aim at the wyvern riders, arresting their attempted flight while Grima cleared the remaining distance, his attention fixed on the Summoner’s gilt robes amid the chaos. Taking hold of their arm–

Kiran whimpered, rounding on the fell dragon and raising their free hand to shield their face. He could feel them trembling beneath his touch. Typical. And yet, the fell dragon felt a smile curve across his lips, a soft rumble of laughter rising in his chest. “Stop sniveling, Summoner.”

Kiran stilled, turning their face up to look at him. And in spite of himself, he could not hide his grin.

“…Grima!?”

“Who else would it be?” he asked, turning back the way he’d come. “Quickly, now–”

“Hold.”

The fell dragon stopped, moving the Summoner carefully behind him as Surtr towered over them. “Stand aside,” Grima commanded. Even at his full height, the fell dragon was forced to tilt his head up to look the Ruler of Flame in his scarred face. But he felt no fear, even as the man lifted his axe, tongues of fire licking the glowing blade.

Surtr sneered. “Or what? What can a puny thing like you do?”

Grima’s smile widened, exposing his fangs. “I will devour you,” he replied. He raised his hand, gesturing to Múspell’s king as the man uttered a booming, mirthless laugh…

The clouds above roiled and parted for the six-eyed dragon, its maw gaping wide as it descended toward the camp. Surtr paused, watching the dragon’s descent with a vaguely amused smirk. “Keep close,” Grima muttered, sheltering the Summoner with one outstretched arm as the dragon overhead breathed a cloud of violet smoke over the encampment…

“Foolish wretch – you will learn the meaning of fear,” Surtr laughed.

Sparks danced through the veil of haze. The king of Múspell raised his axe high, flames coalescing into a ball that rivaled the sun – and as he swung his weapon, it soared high, striking the dragon squarely in the jaw.

The fell beast shrieked in rage and agony, expelling another cloud of noxious fog across the enemy’s forces. He felt Kiran’s hand grip his sleeve, and without hesitation he retreated through the dark, away from the Múspell forces and onto the snowy wastes beyond. He saw the others ahead, pulling back with equal speed, cutting swiftly across the ice and into the shelter of the trees beyond; with the songstress speeding them along their way, they continued without pause until at last the light and sound of the battlefield had faded from a ringing in their ears to utter silence.

And then, at last, their breathless troop stopped, collapsing beneath the shelter of the Nifl pines. Grima glanced across the battered force, an odd sense of relief settling over him as he found them all accounted for. They had done well.

And moreover, they had succeeded.

The fell dragon turned to the Summoner beside him, looking them over carefully as their breath at last grew steady. They appeared unharmed, if slightly singed… “Are you alright?” he asked.

Kiran drew in a shaky breath. And when they looked up at him, their wide eyes were full of tears.

Before he could speak, the Summoner flung themselves at him, pressing close and clutching his coat in their trembling hands. “He was gonna kill me,” they whimpered. “Gods…g-gods, I could’ve died, he was gonna burn me alive, and I couldn’t d-do anything – I froze up, I just stood there, like s-some dumb…I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t even run away, I was gonna die th-there…”

Grima hesitantly coiled one arm across Kiran’s shoulders, the other awkwardly patting the peak of their hood. “What did you expect?” he asked quietly. “You do not fight. That is not your role.”

“I could’ve…a-at least run away, i-instead of dying like…like some c-coward,” the Summoner sniffled into his increasingly damp shirt.

“There is no cowardice in what you did,” the fell dragon murmured. “Brave words can mask a coward, but his actions will betray him. You showed great courage. You held firm in the face of fear. You faced a foe that even Heroes fear. You should take pride.”

“I’m no Hero,” Kiran mumbled.

“No,” Grima agreed. “You are not. You are a Summoner. But what makes us Heroes is not our presence in Askr. It is not our histories, nor our titles, nor our lineages….it is you. You are the one who makes us Heroes. Your belief in us. Your faith. You are not a Hero, Summoner…but we are not Heroes without you.”

You’re waxing poetic again.

It seemed effective, though. Kiran’s sniffling abated, and they turned their gaze once more up to look at his face. “…do you really think so?” they whispered.

“I think any here would agree,” he nodded. The Summoner drew back slightly, mustering up a shaky smile as they dried their eyes and turned to scan the assembled Heroes…

“Holy shit, what happened to Takumi!?”

Kiran broke away, hurrying over to where the archer sat. His head came up, bloody lips curving into a relieved smile as the Summoner settled beside him. “You’re back,” he mumbled, the shifting aura around him beginning to disperse.

“Of course I am,” they chuckled. “You guys can’t get rid of me that easy. Don’t suppose a healer joined the party…?”

“No,” Grima confirmed, moving to stand beside them. “But Askr is only a brief warp away, and there are clerics enough there.”

“We should probably get going, then,” they said, helping Takumi to his feet. Nodding in agreement, Grima turned–

Something tugged on his sleeve. Looking back, he found the Summoner’s hand on his arm, a familiar smile taking its place once more on their face. “Thanks, Grima,” they murmured. “For saving me. And…for everything else, too.”

The fell dragon inclined his head slightly, concealing his smile beneath his raised hood as he turned to join the tacticians in seeing to the preparations for their return. The commander would likely have harsh words for them all, but…he would bear them without complaint or apology. The risk had been well worth the reward.

#fire emblem: heroes #fanfiction #fallen robin #grima #kiran #answered #anonymous #holy fuck i hope this was worth the wait #it was so much fun to write okay #i've been living it up for the past few days working on this #it's two in the morning and i don't care i'm on cloud nine because i did the thing #forgive me if it's not super polished though #it got no proofing through last basically 4k words #might go back and make tweaks tomorrow but i did the thing #i did the thing i'm so happy #controlled chaos #snippets

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glimmeringtwilight · 2 years ago

Text

Misfortunate

Short Scaramouche piece so I get this short angry lad out of my system (if any of you make a "that's what she said" joke I'm smiting you). Technically proofread but does it really count if I only worked on this at 1am. I'll tweak the formatting tomorrow. Put below a cut for the length, not for the content (SFW).

CW: mild violence, Scaramouche (he's his own warning. He's a prick), mild dehumanization, yandere themes, mild description of injury.

Word Count: ~1.8k

Trouble follows you.

It’s like your shadow, tailing after you wherever you go. People call you unlucky. Clear skies turn to pouring rain, rockslides narrowly miss you in tight passes, avalanches on snowy mountain peaks, you name it. It was like the world was trying to bury you beneath it, but by some small miracle you’ve always barely managed to get out of whatever new misfortune that befell you.

You’re beginning to think “cursed” might be a more accurate term. That’s the only thing that comes to mind as you clutch your bleeding arm to your chest, stumbling through dark corridors as voices ring out around you.

“Find them!” To your left. You go right, moving as quietly as you can manage.

The air here is thick. Suffocating. You don’t know what the purple fog dancing along the floors is, but you’re sure you’re bound to find out, cloth bandana completely useless at blocking it out. You taste metal.

The hallways here seem to wind on forever. By design, probably, if you had to guess. You can’t be doing… whatever nefarious shit the fatui gets up to, in a regular building, no. And apparently nothing screams “nefarious” more than identical rooms and long, disorienting hallways.

At least it seems to be affecting your pursuers as much as it is you, their voices still distant as they search for you. But you’re sure that the poor design of this place won’t save you for long.

You step into a side room after a quick check to be sure it’s empty, stopping to catch your breath.

Think. You just need to… think. Catch your breath, stop the bleeding– you’re sure you’ve left a trail of blood in your wake, but it’s so damn dark in here you doubt they’ll even see it– and try to-

“So this is the rat my men have been chasing for the past half-hour.”

Haha, fuck.

You freeze in place, holding your breath (as if that’ll do anything). Steeling your resolve, you turn your head stiffly and glance over your shoulder to see who it is that found you.

“Well? Are you deaf or just stupid? Or do you have nothing to say?”

There’s a quiet jingling sound, metal against metal, and you strain to make out the figure in the darkness as he steps closer. You can definitely make out the big, gaudy hat he wears, the brim dipped too low to let you see much more than his mouth.

You realize he’s still waiting for you to say something when he tsks, hand twitching by his side, and fear jumpstarts your mouth before it jumpstarts your brain, blurting the first thing that comes to mind.

“You should invest in better structural engineers. And fire whoever designed this place.” Brilliant. Now instead of just killing you, maybe he’ll spit on your corpse too.

He says nothing, the silence dragging on following your response, interrupted by the occasional distant shout and the steady drip, drip, drip of your blood hitting the floor. Why isn’t he calling the others over? Why didn’t he just kill you outright?

Come to think of it, you remember him mentioning “his men”... Fuck. Is he running this operation?

You don’t have the chance to dwell on it, snapping back to the present when a dry laugh cuts through the silence. It’s short, devoid of any real humor, and the back of your neck prickles with unease.

“Stupid, then.” The hat tips up, just slightly. “How did you get in?”

“I fell in.”

“You fell in.” He sounds unconvinced, and more than just a little annoyed.

“I was just… exploring-” The stranger’s mouth twists into a scowl at the vagueness of your reply, and you rush to elaborate before he decides to stop stalling murdering you- “fine! I- Onikabuto. I was looking for- for onikabuto, and the ground caved in under my feet. I didn’t even know this was down here, I swear, so-”

“Quiet.” Your mouth snaps shut. He stalks forward, snapping at you to “stay put” when you stagger back half a step in response, and you freeze. Maybe if you play nice, you can still talk your way out of this…

He stops a few feet away from you, crossing his arms, and you watch the hat dip with the movement of his head. Maybe you could catch him by surprise and-

A hand seizes your face in a bruising grip, thin fingers indenting the clammy skin of your cheeks so hard your teeth painfully dig into the sides of it. When you instinctively try to pull out of his grasp, the fingers of his other hand hook underneath your bandana, yanking it off your face so it hangs loosely around your neck and fisting the fabric to hold you in place.

His hand reclaims its place, gripping your jaw just as tightly as he holds you still by the bandana around your neck with the other.

Indigo eyes meet your own, and the stranger jerks your head to the side, appraising you like one would a show dog.

“Wha- Hey-” Your head is jerked the other way, the movement less harsh than the first as you consciously turn your head with the movement the second time, anticipating the rough handling.

“You’re making a mess.” He notes after a beat, eyes narrowing at the large gash on your arm that continues to drip blood.

“I’m… sorry?” You mumble, words slurring with the way his grip on your face tightens. You’re not really sure how to respond to that. What, does he expect you to just stop bleeding because it’s pissing him off?

He tsks, letting go of you, and you rub the sore skin to soothe the ache left behind from his unnecessary roughness. You’re starting to think it’d be better if one of his lackeys found you first. They’d have killed you by now, sure, but it would have at least been quick.

“Are you going to kill me?” No point in beating around the bush, you suppose. What’s he gonna do, say “yes” and then stab you?

… Well. He could. But you hope not.

“I haven’t decided yet.” Is his vague response, turning on a heel and walking away from you like he didn’t just finish manhandling you.

You stare at his retreating figure, wondering whether or not that was the end of it. Is he just… letting you go? Is he trying to bait you into getting your hopes up, so he can crush them under his heel and laugh as he kills you?

“Well?” He stops, turning to look back at you when you continue to stare blankly at his retreating form. “Come. Or I’ll leave you here for my men.”

While you don’t like the idea of following him anywhere, there’s not much other option, and he doesn’t seem keen on killing you yet, at least.

You follow him out of the room and into the corridor, listening to the tinkling of the metal ornaments on his hat and his deceptively heavy footsteps. Is he… making his footsteps heavier on purpose?

You didn’t hear him earlier, when he snuck up on you (you know he wasn’t in the room when you entered, that big, gaudy hat of his would have given him away). So does he… stomp around most of the time? On purpose? Why? To sound like he’s bigger than he is? Or is he just always pissed?

The image of this man stomping around this shady hideout to make himself sound bigger and more intimidating almost rips a hysterical giggle out of you, but you focus instead on keeping the veil from smacking you in the face as you walk behind him.

You could technically walk further back, but you don’t want to test his patience by giving him the impression you’re sneaking away, and you get the distinct sense that he’d take great offense to you walking side-by-side with him.

“What’s your name?” He asks after a few minutes of walking.

Well. Not like he’ll kill you for your name, right? And maybe knowing that, he’ll hesitate when it comes down to that… If. If it comes down to that.

You tell him your name, and he says nothing, not even acknowledging he heard you. …Whatever. You’re not repeating yourself.

He doesn’t supply his own name, so you decide to ask. “And yours?”

“Scaramouche.”

Then it’s silence once more. You realize that the men who were chasing you have stopped shouting, and you can’t hear their frantic search for you anymore. Did they give up? Do they know Scaramouche found you first?

He leads you into a room you recognize as the same one you fell into, sunlight illuminating the sparsely-decorated space. You also recognize the pyro agent who slashed your arm, already kneeling by the time your eyes adjust to the bright light.

“Lord Scaramouche-”

“Save it. Get this hole fixed, and check the rest of the base for any other structural weaknesses. If we have any more surprise visitors,” Scaramouche gestures sharply towards you, “You’ll be joining them at the bottom of the ocean.”

“...Yes sir.” The agent’s voice trembles, just slightly.

You’re really starting to think it would have been better if anyone else had found you first, not missing the strained reediness in the agent’s voice that wasn’t there when he was trying to kill you. Another’s hands are shaking, barely visible from where you stand. Why are they so scared of him…?

“You.” Scaramouche turns to another one of his lackeys, not batting an eye at the way they visibly flinch, “Find me a first-aid kit. Bring it to my office.”

“Yessir.”

Your stomach sinks when Scaramouche starts walking again, not even sparing you a glance, just the silent expectation to “follow” as he sets off down the halls.

The agent who attacked you mutters a quiet “poor thing” under his breath, and you pretend not to hear. Pretend not to feel the weight of their eyes watching the two of you leave.

Once you’re out of earshot, Scaramouche stops, glancing over his shoulder at you, then at the bandana dangling loosely around your neck. “I think I’ll get you a collar, to replace that ugly thing.”

His eyes flit back up from your neck, and he laughs cruelly at your expression. “What? You should be thanking me. I’ve decided to let you live.”

Scaramouche doesn’t seem to be interested in any actual thanks from you, though, already turning back around and continuing to walk. “Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Maybe trouble doesn’t follow you after all, you think, as you trail stiffly behind him. Maybe you’ve been following trouble all along.

#scaramouche #kunikuzushi #scaramouche/reader #scaramouche x reader #genshin #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin #my writing #yandere #dead dove do not eat #yandere scaramouche #yandere scaramouche/reader #i am nearly delirious from exhaustion and for some reason that is always The Best Time To Write (real) (not lying)#this is just my brand now. writing and then posting stuff at an ungodly hour. but haha hey eastern hemisphere people. enjoy.

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