#might fucking. pull an andrew minyard and get some fucking arm bands to hide my scars

[mx-misty-eyed]

tw sh

[markonasurface]

17/50 - “I have contemplated becoming a hermit.”

Fandom: All for the Game/The Foxhole Court Characters/pairings: Neil, Andrew, Kevin/andreil, kandreil friendship Summary: 

A/N: Thank you, @kittyfeathersflying!

This took longer and went on longer than I expected. Thanks for your patience. I hope you don’t mind I added Kevin. If you’re not a Kevin fan and/or a fan of his and/or andreil’s recovery, you’re wrong, but you can skip about half of the fic.

Kevin let himself into Andrew’s LA apartment. The blinds were drawn and it smelled like cigarettes and whisky.“Andrew?”

He slowly made his way through the poorly lit, hazy apartment as if he were walking through a dangerous rainforest and a snake might jump out and bite him with any sudden movement. He followed the source of smoke around the kitchen counter.

He sighed. Ice cream containers littered the floor, some of them half full and melted, as well as empty bottles. Cigarette butts occupied the spaces in between. In the middle of the mess was Andrew.

Once upon a time Kevin would have yelled until Andrew got up. He would have lectured him on the amount of ice cream he devoured and warned him about lung cancer and liver failure, but ten years had passed. He stepped over a brown puddle, moved some containers and ashes aside and sat.

He grimaced when he felt lukewarm ice cream seep through the seat of his pants. He waited.

Andrew was unmoving but there was a lit cigarette between his fingertips. Finally, he moved his hand to his mouth and sucked in deep. He breathed out slowly and Kevin watched the smoke accumulate above their heads.

He blinked his eyes open and for a second Kevin thought he was looking at one of the cats.“Why are you hiding?” Kevin asked.

Andrew moved his gaze to Kevin’s face and took his time taking another drag before answering, “I have contemplated becoming a hermit.”

“Not just contemplated,” Kevin murmured. Then shook his head. “Why?”

“Oh, Queenie,” Andrew slurred. “Haven’t you read the Exy’s gayest players article?”

“So? You and Neil were outed,” he said. “It’s almost 2018. You’re allowed to come out of the closet.”

Andrew put out his cigarette in one of the many puddles. He tried to sit up on his elbows, slipped and tried again. “We were never in the closet.” Andrew grabbed clumsily for a bottle that was miraculously almost full. He took a swig then held it out to Kevin.

Kevin bristled. “I don’t drink,” he said even though he knew Andrew knew. Andrew moved his shoulders and Kevin assumed it was a shrug. Thea had warned him coming here would wreck his sobriety.

Everyone knew Kevin had fallen off the wagon on the ten year anniversary of Riko’s death. No matter how his PR team had tried to spin it, people weren’t idiots. Okay, so some of his diehard fans were in denial.

He reached a hand into his pocket and felt for the picture, trying to take a deep breath and coughing instead. He ran a finger over the blue chip in his pocket and took a shallower calming breath.

“Is that what’s bugging you? That people think you were in the closet?” Kevin asked. “Then make a statement.”

“I don’t give a fuck about that shit,” Andrew responded. His head lulled backward. “It’s twenty eighteen. Almost. Technology has advanced.”

Kevin was quiet, trying to think what that meant. “News spreads quicker?” When Andrew didn’t say anything, Kevin thought a minute longer. He had been hoping Andrew hadn’t seen the other stuff but he didn’t have any other idea so he asked, “People digging up all the shit from your past?”

“Ding ding ding ding ding,” Andrew said lackadaisically, sounding like a malfunctioning bell.

He bit back a “who cares” and said, “That’s shitty but you’re Andrew Minyard. You don’t care.”

Only Neil would have known Kevin was wrong but Neil wasn’t here. He was off doing press or whatever and that’s why the responsibility of making sure Andrew was okay had fallen to Kevin.

“Either have a drink with me or fuck off,” Andrew drawled.

Kevin fought the urge to grab the bottle and break it. The door opened then and Kevin sighed in relief.

“What the fuck?” they heard Neil cough. “Someone simultaneously rob a liquor store while smoking a thousand fucking cigarettes?”

“In here,” Kevin called.

Neil took in the scene before him with wide eyes. “You’re sitting in ice cream,” he pointed out and Kevin pretended not to see the concern on Neil’s face directed at Kevin. “I’ll clean this up. Um, you can shower, and uh, you know where the guest room is.”

Kevin nodded and accepted Neil’s hand up.

“Oh, no,” Andrew said with fake sadness. “Queenie and I were having so much fun.”

Kevin rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything.

When he heard the bathroom door shut, Neil took a garbage bag out from under the sink and started collecting all the bottles first. Andrew’s hand wrapped around his ankle and he stopped.

“You don’t have to be an asshole,” Neil stated.

As usual Andrew knew what he was referring to without Neil having to specify what or who exactly he was talking about. “Kevin’s the asshole. He didn’t have to come here,” Andrew responded.

“But he did,” Neil pointed out and took the bottle in Andrew’s grasp. “For you.”

Andrew sat up and glared. Neil glared back and didn’t break eye contact as he poured it down the drain.

He made quick work of the soggy cartons and cigarettes, then got the mop out. He heard Kevin go from the bathroom to the guest room somewhere between putting away the mop and staring down at Andrew on the kitchen tile.

Thea was going to kill him. He made a mental note to check in with Kevin later.

“Yes or no?”

Andrew reached for his hand but Neil moved it away and repeated, “Yes or no, Drew?”

“Yes, you jerk. I can’t get up without you.”

Neil pursed his lips but still helped Andrew up. He might’ve gagged, Andrew smelt so bad, but he reminded himself this stench wasn’t half as bad as blood soaked rooms.

He sat Andrew on the toilet, then started the shower.

“I’m not going to lock the door behind me,” Neil told him. “But I will knock before coming in if you don’t answer me. Got it?”

Andrew glared but nodded.

“Get in the shower, Andrew.”

Neil left him and went to check on the alcohol situation in the apartment. The lock was still firmly in place as it seemed Andrew had simply gone out and bought large quantities of the three things he wanted.

Next he went down the hall and stopped in front of the guest room door. He knocked and heard Kevin make a noise of acknowledgement before pushing the door open.

Kevin was sitting at the edge of the bed. One hand was fisted, the other holding a grainy picture.

“Hey,” Neil said, walking closer.

He barely glanced at Neil.

“I’m sorry for - Andrew ...” Neil said. “He didn’t make you -”

“Of course not,” Kevin said.

“Thanks for coming,” Neil continued. “When both flights got canceled, I didn’t think I’d find another ...”

Kevin finally looked up and Neil took in the dark circles under his eyes. “It’s fine, Neil. I know what he’s like.”

Neil felt like he could breathe a little easier and came to sit next to Kevin. Kevin opened his hand and Neil stared at the blue chip, but Kevin’s eyes lingered on the grainy picture.

“In four weeks I’ll get my green chip again,” Kevin said reverently. He took a shaky breath. “And in four months, she’ll be here.”

Neil took the picture to look at the shape of the baby’s head.

“I’m proud of you,” Kevin said, a bit awkwardly. “You’re handling everything quite well.”

His cheeks felt warm and he said, “It’s not that hard for me. My past is all out in the open. Has been for a decade now. The way people are twisting Andrew’s though ...”

Kevin nodded. “Yeah. You should probably go check on him. Make sure he didn’t drown.”

Neil handed back the picture. At the door he stopped. “I’m - proud of you, too.” He left quickly.

The shower was off so Neil knocked on the door. “Andrew? Can I come in?”

“No,” Andrew said after a moment.

Neil nodded even though he couldn’t see him. “Okay.”

He lay on their king sized bed and waited. After about ten minutes he sat up, getting ready to go knock again but the door opened.

He watched Andrew go over to their dresser and dig through a drawer. Neil didn’t like the way he felt watching Andrew pull his black arm bands on but definitely understood the comfort of an old habit. (A/N: NOT self-harm. I just mean he used to hide his knives in the arm bands and the comfort of having the bands on him even without the knives.)

Andrew sat on the edge of their bed and Neil waited a little longer before asking, “Ready to talk?”

When he turned to look at him, his eyes were clearer and he looked sober. Andrew turned his whole body and crossed his legs.

Neil knew Andrew’s process. He needed to assess his feelings, rational and irrational. He had to decide if he was capable of talking now or if he needed to wait a little longer. They would talk about it eventually, but Neil wouldn’t rush him. Each “talk” over their last ten years together had gotten easier and easier but they were still difficult.

The latest situation was obviously hitting Andrew hard.

“It’s okay if -” Neil started to say at the same time Andrew replied, “Yes.”

Andrew was shaking which prompted Neil to ask, “Are you sure?”

“I know - logically - I know they’re all wrong,” Andrew spit out, his eyes squeezed shut. Neil’s worst suspicions were being spoken and it made him angry. “I didn’t - I didn’t want it. They’re wrong. They’re wrong.”

Neil felt tears burning the backs of his eyes. He watched Andrew rocking back and forth and wanted to reach out to touch him but refrained.

“They’re wrong, they’re wrong,” Andrew repeated. A tear made a trail down his cheek.

“Drew, yes or no?” Neil fought to keep his voice steady.

“Yes,” his voice cracked. “No ... I-I-I-I-I don’t know.”

Neil squeezed his hands tightly in his lap, resisting his instinct to pull Andrew close. He wanted to hold him together, stop him from shaking apart. He knew that’d only make it worse and the anger flared in his chest again. He wanted to kill everyone who had a part in this, anyone who had ever laid a hand on a defenseless little boy. If they were dead, Neil wanted to bring them back to life and kill them again.

When he took a shaky breath, he tried to be quiet.

“Do you want me to call Bee for you?” Neil asked, knowing he’d call her whether Andrew said yes or no.

Luckily, Andrew nodded.

Neil spoke calmly, his voice forced. “Okay, I’m going to call her. My phone is in the kitchen. I’m coming right back.”

Bee answered immediately which made Neil wonder ...

When he went back to the room, Andrew was frozen.

“Andrew,” Neil spoke. “I’m not leaving you alone, okay? But I’m not going to touch you. I promise. Lie down.”

He built a pillow wall, then repeated his request. “I’m not going to touch you but I’m right here if you need me.”

“When.”

“Huh?” Neil was startled Andrew replied at all.

“When I need you,” Andrew said quietly and lay down.