#might cry on here later!
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my anxiety and depression are both flaring badly today which is great bc i'm alone at work for my entire 6 and a half hour shift today so i can't even go hide in the bathroom to cry it i need to
wish me luck!
#really glad i spent my teen years disassociating through everything#bc now i can do it on command#and it's the only way i'll get through this shift#i need a fucking break#cant afford to take one tho!#love living in canada it's a such a perfect country with no issues ever 🙃🙃🙃🙃#my depression hasn't flared up in SO long#but of course it picks today to hit#that's so fun#i'm so fucking tired#ignore this#im being annoying#might cry on here later!#personal rambles#mental health#not stargate
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'I want you to continue to be who you are.' what if i fucking died what then
#i rewatched stolas' confession and i just screaming crying throwing up#i feel like that tells you with upmost certainty that stolas genuinely adores blitz hes so in love with him#stolitz#stolas#blitzø#helluva boss#blitzo#blitz#hb full moon#also do you think blitz mother said something similar to him back then#i can 100% see this being a quote thats paralleled later on#and it would make so much heartbreaking sense with tilla#like going by the shot in the trailer#hes wearing that outfit from the accident#(i know its probably a hallucination but it might be a hallucination that creates a flashback scene)#i hc he went to her and their last conversation was about confessing to fizz#and she said to him something like 'always be you no matter what'#also hc she helped him with the letter (just cause of the correct spelling)#and she gave him her necklace as good luck (and thats why he still has it)#cause if everyone believed he did it on purpose nobody wouldve given him anything of hers#sorry i am going off on a tangent here#can you tell i want the ghostfuckers ep so badly!!!
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'Cause I, I I don't know how to feel But I wanna try I don't know how to feel But someday, I might Someday, I might
ʷʰᵃᵗ ʷᵃˢ ⁱ ᵐᵃᵈᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵇʸ ᵇⁱˡˡⁱᵉ ᵉⁱˡⁱˢʰ ˣ ᶜʳᵒʷˡᵉʸ
#good omens#good omens spoilers#angel crowley#good omens fanart#crowley#anthony j crowley#go2#billie eilish#illustration#i will reblog with the tiktok and reels links later and i also might upload the video here too#i also have a gif of him crying but it gets way too big on tumblr#i already draw crowley a little different since i made this lol but it helped me develop his look a lot#also sorry for the watermarks but ive spent enough time on pinterest to know that watermarking is SOOO important lmao#my art#gomens
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I feel cringe posting these especially since they don’t make sense at all but I just felt like drawing the cursed brothers (even tho I’m still learning the lore).
Don’t ask me what the last one is supposed to be I wanted to draw one of them as a lion for no reason
#myart#myartwork#digital#I love drawing war criminals guys (cry for help)#I want to draw Helen at some point because I like her and Mene together (ignores half the myths)#also yes I messed up on the clothes because they don’t look like what they’d wear#I’ll fix that in later posts if I feel like drawing them again#might change Mene’s hair to orange but I like it as a darker red idk idk#I’m putting too many tags here what#menelaus#agamemnon#Watch me fight Aga outside a Wendy’s#cursed brothers#I’ll probably delete this later just because posting in this fandom is scary ngl
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
#origins smp#i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo#otubbo#oranboo#beeduo fanart#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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Someone who constantly embarks on ship wars and fandom wank... doesn't sound too mentally stable. It's sad, really.
Dedicating all that energy and free time to arguing about fictional characters and their relationships, instead of channeling it into something more relaxing or creative, sounds destructive.
Seek help, please. Before it devours you completely.
#ship wars#fandom wank#fandom discourse#i posted one of my gaming gifs on twt yesterday#where my favorite character has been modded over another#the tweet of mine blew up overnight and has already gotten more engagement there than here (unsurprisingly)#and someone came to my replies with a crying emoji that it's not really that character#honestly. you don't say. there's a mod hastag. but it's not really that. i ignored them for now because the reply wasn't even that bad but#the scary thing is: i actually recognized their username#and once i did my blood nearly froze#lately i've seen this person twt a lot. constantly in other people's tweets and bothering everyone#hating on my favorite characters and relationships and trying to 'debunk' some canon interactions between characters#and they don't even have that many followers on twt (a little over 1k) but they've been in everyone's tweets in that fandom lately#so i checked their acc after that reply and a lot of their recent tweets were about that war too#and i was like. oh my god. they found me#bitch i'm famous? lmao#anyway i might just ignore them from now on. maybe even block them if push comes to shove#they didn't say anything that bad to me (for now) but this could become a problem later and i do not have the energy for it#like seriously. if this is all you do in your spare time. it's not healthy#i should know lmao
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ninjago seabound hurts. so much. what the fuck
#ninjago seabound#i think this might be the thing to get me drawing again#we shall see#also im very close to crying haha#she turned. into the sea. to save him#and like. the city and all their friends too but he was quite literally dying and the only answer was for her to become one with the sea an#and she#and he sees her after having the water taken out of his lungs. he sees her out the window and she sees him and they put their hands on#either side of the glass. and he doesn't yet know what she did. what it would cost#in the fight later. he sees her explode and takes on kalmaar with blind fury#and then she's back- as a dragon now- and she explodes again and comes back as a bigger dragon and#how can he think anything but good things? he knows what she did now but she's so strong. so invincible. ofc she'll overcome the odds#she'll keep herself together! she will. he has to believe that#and then she wins. and its all over. and everyone's saying they'll just have to get used to her watery body for now#until they find a way to turn her back.#she doesn't understand. she doesn't remember who she used to be. is actively losing the battle to retain her self#and they plead. all of her friends. her master. her Brother.#and him. Jay. her boyfriend.#and there's a moment. a single brief moment where she turns back.#she smiles and holds jay's hands. she caresses his cheek.#and just as quick as she came#she left. jay screaming her name as she dives back into the sea#and then the funeral. because what else do you call it but a funeral.#they call all of her friends and family. they pour seawater in an urn. they hold a service of sorts.#and i'd like to imagine each person feels responsible in some way. for not doing more. for not being as convincing to her.#some feel it more than others. Wu is- was her master. Kai her brother.#and Jay. Jay was her-#out of all of them Jay beat himself up the most. because what good is love if you can't convince them to stay?#woah sorry about that i was possessed by angst#also i feel like you could tie in Jay's abandonment issues with his birth parents here if that wasn't clear <3
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i thought why not, why shouldnt i post noan on main instead of hoarding him on my selfship blog
anyways i still think noan would look cute with brown eyes like when he was a little kid. give him back his brown eyes
#doots#my rare doot posting#i love noan btw#im finally at cinder burns but im going slow because since stage 2 all ive been doing is crying LMAO#noans a big fave :)#pgr noan#punishing gray raven#pgr#i have some other pgr doots in my files that i might post later. but rn i want everyone to look at my boy noan#congrats to noan for being the first art i post for pgr on here dfisuh
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somehow i managed to speedrun every injury/situation which landed me in the emergency room this year last night👍 emergency room wrapped if you will
#burned my hand ✅ allergic reaction✅ mental breakdown✅ got a period✅#i may as wll just walk into the sea tbh#and yes; fc i managed to burn my hand the exact same place i did last time#it's not as severe as that first rime but the skin there is extremely thin and sensitive for heat so yeah. wanted to fucking die#had to hold a cold coke in my hand in order to fall asleep actually 🥲 and eat dubious amounts of painkillers🥲#and then my lip just fucking swelled again#and i thought ok. this might as well just happen. it'll go away if i just sleep#and then it didn't so yeah im just sitting here looking completely botched#i suspect that i reacted to the aspirin i took but there's no way to know so idk#and i have work later today so im just. going to cry or something#merry Christmas everyone
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Brb gotta just yell into the void
#GOD IM JUST#so both Q and I were under the impression we would be getting help fixing the place#almost a full week later#it’s basically just been me his elderly grandma and him when hes not working#which is very little time since he’s full time#I have been working on this place from basically sunrise to sunset#doing what I can to make it clean and repaint#but I can’t do most repairs#mainly what the bathroom needs#but today#ooooooo today#Q’s parents are getting on our nerves man#we’ve been trying to explain that the bathroom is not functional in it’s current state#and instead of Q’s father#the landlord of this place who decided keeping it while living two and a half hours away was a smart idea#helping to fix said bathroom#says he’d rather work on the living room floor which is the lowest priority#and when we expressed this to them#his mother goes#if you don’t like it you can go live somewhere else#EXCUSE ME#I have literally been spending all the time I can trying to fix up YOUR place for you two#to the point where I am now coming down with a cold and my lowing back is killing me#where Q is sacrificing every free moment he has trying to do what he can while working a full time job#and THIS is the thanks we get???????#what the hell#anyway they’re coming tomorrow but Q has work so I am going to cry#I am so exhausted and stressed if they pull some shit I might just do something I shouldn’t#I want this to be over#the second were able to afford a house we’re getting the hell out of here
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No no get started on the whole "new adult" thing, I desperately want to hear
Ok, so here's the thing about New Adult:
It's a genre that's been emerging lately in the catalogs I view when doing frontlists (essentially just pre-orders for upcoming titles) for the book store and I'd been wondering what the hell it was. I'd noticed it was especially common in the descriptors for the romance books, but it was often the ones with that sort of sexy-but-not-full-blown-erotica kind of book that also tended to have the sort of description full of fanfic trope terms and "for fans of [usually a Young Adult title]" or "like [popular title] combined with [other popular title]!!" <- and here it's important to note that the popular titles don't always sound like they would mesh well.
And finally, FINALLY, one of these books is highlighted by the sales rep who works with us and she's got a little blurb about it and I get my first useful description of what "New Adult" is:
"Imagine the golden age of YA - The Hunger Games, Divergent, The Mortal Instruments - but aged up and spicy."
S P I C Y
Which would explain why they're not-quite-erotica type books, you see, we're not straight up PORN we're just ✨️spicy✨️
Nevermind that a lot of these books do have sex in them, but whatever, it's SPICY because that's what's popular to say on BookTok!
Oh. Right. Yeah. BookTok also gets mentioned a lot in listings for this sort of title.
And yes, this includes the Court of... books by Sarah J Maas and things like The Infatuated Fae books by Jeaneane O'Riley. In fact, I'm pretty sure O'Riley was described as a "BookTok darling" in the contributor bio part of the listing, but don't quote me on that, I'd have to look at the listing again.
Anyway, these are some of the biggest offenders regarding that whole "we will describe this with fanfic buzz terms and BookTok girlies will eat it up :)" issue.
#replies#answered#again i think Macmillan and Sourcebooks have had some of the more... interesting entries in the New Adult category#oh haha also go look up the LJ Shen Sinners of Saint books those made me laugh and also cry when I was looking at the listings#and yes another point i didn't put in the body of the post is like.. u know all those books that came out after titles like Hunger Games#where they completely miss what made it popular#yeah i feel like there's a lot of that in the New Adult stuff especially w certain character types#idk how they make every single protagonist sound exactly the same or make every male love interest cold and distant#hhhhggghh slogging through these books is soooo boring and painful sometimes but u get through it to find the couple of#interesting looking titles mixed in there#i complain a lot about the deluge of romance and new adult titles but there are some cool looking books upcoming too#i might make a post about that later but here u go i hope that answers ur question hsgshsg
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hey danny phandom. i gotta tell you about this. you need to hear about it. because what are the odds my two longest-lasting hyperfixations collide like this.
JRWI is an absurdly powerful D&D podcast starring Slimecicle, BizlyChannel, GrizzlyPlays, and Condifiction. They are currently running two TTRPGs: Riptide, which is set in a pirate-themed ocean world called Mana and run in D&D 5E, and Prime Defenders, a futuristic teen superhero campaign set in the world of Prime and run in Mutants & Masterminds. Riptide is their free campaign (located here), and Prime Defenders is their Patreon-exclusive campaign.
Why am I telling you this? Because Prime Defenders features a character named William Wisp, played by Charlie Slimecicle, who was loosely inspired by Danny Phantom. William’s hero name is the Wisperer, and he has ghost powers granted to him by the fact that he fell off a cliff and fucking died at the ripe age of 16 and because the will-o’-the-wisps have taken a liking to him. He even has a white-haired ghost form that he can switch into, even if he doesn’t like to do so.
And I’m also telling you this because who did the Game Master, BizlyChannel, call up for the season 2 finale to do a speech for William during his lowest point yet? David Kaufman himself. As Danny fucking Phantom.
#danny phantom#tayscreams#danny fenton#you guys got to hear about this and you guys have got to see the clip#when i tell you i started crying. i’m being serious#because WHAT are the odds i go from danny phantom#my LONGEST hyperfixx to date. coming up on 10 years here#to jrwi—and a patreon campaign with a character INSPIRED by danny phantom—without EVER knowing about that character before i got into it#and then to two years later be watching an episode and hear THE VOICE ACTOR OF DANNY PHANTOM HIMSELF#do you guys see why i might be losing my mind here#anyway go watch jrwi i’m serious it’s so good#if you need help finding where to start PM me i’m here to help#jrwi#prime defenders#william wisp#david kaufman#this is my whole personality now
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omw to school now chat!! 😸
#Mini vent bc im not ok haha:#So i literally cant stop shaking and ws barely able to breathe when i ws getting ready + ws hyperventilating the whole time.#Feel about a split second away from starting to cry again.#Mother left like 5 minutes before the taxi ws meant to get here bc she had to bring cat to the vet.#So she ws js like 'sorry i cant help :[ oh btw you gotta get ur shit together in <5min for school bye' which. Um. Yeah.#So i had about 3 minutes of breakdown time before i had to get my shit together and now i gotta sit through 6 hours of random bs probably w#a bunch of catch up work bc i wasnt in last week when we properly went back. So ive missed like 3 days worth of lessons.#So 6 hours worth of random bs + extra catch up work (besides the fact im also behind in a bunch of shit anyways bc i joined the class late.#& i'll probably have a thousand and one teachers 'checking on' me. All they want to hear is just another fucking lie of me saying im ok bc#Im too much of a fucking burden to not be. Even if i say im not ok the most ill probably fucking get is a shitty cup of tea and 5 minutes t#sit in the hall being gawked at for having the audacity to not be ok.#Spooks isnt in today. My other friend might be? Crimson might be? And Star might be? So idfk.#I dont want to make fake fucking conversation i dont really want to talk ever or do anything.#I dont feel able to exist right now. But i cant not?? So! Hn. Guess its fucking school instead.#Um. Yeah. Sorry?( I guess? Not really.) For this chat.#See you guys later.
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It's 4am: DCA angst posting time!! (sorry Sunny :'S)
Tw: eyestrain + blood (black oil)
#tw eyestrain#tw blood#<- it's more like oil but just in case#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf sun#fnaf daycare attendant#dca fandom#artists on tumblr#fan art#fnaf security breach#angels#sun#crying#angst#i might delete this later!! idk!!#but it's here for now#i am doing ~great~ ashfjdks
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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW
#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does#like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful#while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child#like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child#only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you#his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you#agree deep down#and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept#but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide#and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke#and you discarded it and got a new one#and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow#and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it#until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly#and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different#and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child#and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da#and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand#but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee#his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing#and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love#or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do#with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like
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Just finished the latest episodes of Fionna and Cake and DHDGEHYDKAKZBDJJSDHH😭👀😳😱😵
#I'm shaking and crying rn wth oh my goooshh already can't wait for the next episode. 😭#my shiz#Literally just came here to scream about it. Lol I'll check back on my actual notifications later.#Fionna and Cake#Maybe I shouldn't have watched it until I got back home. I might not be able to focus lol.#PLEASE I saw a theory about the ending and I am really hoping that's actually going to happen. 😭😭😭#SPoiler???#Yooo I'm gonna be betting Bonnie and Star aren't actually off screen dead dead.#They were leaving death upon their path. Lol#Spoilers#Spoilers Fionna and Cake
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