#might as well give them their own tags in case i do go somewhere with this

[aceing-on-the-cake]

Compulsory Heterosexuality Info Dump

So because a friend of mine didn't know what comp het was and their internet history is monitored by their parents so they can't just use google, I'm doing a very quick research dive and giving you guys the results in case there are others out there who are in the same situation. I'll also be tagging blogs bigger than me because again, there might be fellow queers out their who are in the same boat as my friend and I want them to have access to this information.

So what is compulsory heterosexuality (or comp het)?

Comp het is in essence the societal belief and enforcement of being straight.

What does this mean?

In basic form it means that the only options presented to everyone, from the moment of birth, is that of a cis, amatonormative, heterosexual lifestyle.

You are given two gender options, these gender options determine the two roles you're allowed to fulfill, husband and wife, and you are told that these two roles are what will make you happy and are what you are supposed to strive for.

Meaning society, if you are born AFAB, tells you you're going to one day get married, it's going to be a boy, and this is what will make you happy. Almost everything in life is then seen through this lens. How attractive your are, how you are supposed to talk, how you're supposed to behave, etc is all considered through the lens of if a man will be attracted to you.

On the flip side, if you are born AMAB society tells you there are roles you have to fulfill as well. You are told you will one day want a wife, that you have to be able to have a job to provide for her, that you have to behave in a certain emotional way to be strong for her, that if the things you like are too feminine well then you're gay or a girl which is a problem because at the end of the day you're supposed to want the girl-fiance-wife.

This literally just sounds like the patriarchy.

Yes, it does, because it's caused by it. Nowadays people commonly know about compulsory heterosexuality from the Lesbian Masterdoc, but the term actually originated by Adrienne Rich in 1980.

Adrienne Rich in her article Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence put forward three ideas, 1) that heterosexuality and lesbianism were institutions themselves/possible political ideologies, 2) that heterosexuality as a system if not constantly maintained and upheld would eventually crumble and 3) that heterosexuality as a system could be opted out of and actively fought against whether or not you were actually attracted to women/non-women.

This is very different from the way we currently think of and define those terms, I am aware of that, but her point does still stand to some degrees that comp het, cisnormativity and amatonormativity all crumble when we stop rigidly enforcing the structures that uphold them, i.e., the patriarchy, misogyny, classism, and racism.

Ok but like what does that actually look like?

It can look like a lot of things, for a lot of different people. In the Lesbian Masterdoc you see comp het presented from a straightforward lesbian lens (of a 19 year old figuring out and defining their own sexuality guys, I'm not gonna sit here and critique it and rip it to death, go do that somewhere else).

This is therefore presented through things like women/non-women who were raised/socialized as women possibly having crushes on men, but they're always unattainable in some way (celebrities, fictional, someone real but they wouldn't actually ever be able to truly be in a relationship with, etc). It might also show up for lesbians as liking the idea of a man but being uncomfortable when one actually wants to move forward in the process. Or even sometimes it might show up as sexual fantasies with men but they're faceless, they're more an idea, or you're actually viewing another woman sleeping with him.

This presentation of comp het has made a lot of bi/pan/mspec people uncomfortable because they feel they too have experiencing comp het and when reading the Lesbian Masterdoc it's presented as if experiencing this is a straight shot towards being a lesbian.

And they're right that comp het isn't experienced by just lesbians. For mspecs who present feminine/as women this could be in the feeling that they have to dress a certain way to be presentable, but presentable is based on appealing to men. This can mean something as simple as women are expected to wear makeup, always, regardless of if they're looking to seek men's attention or not, because that's the base standard.

For mspecs who present masculine this can look like the inability to express themselves in an overly emotional manner because that doesn't make them "strong" and if they're not "strong" then they won't attract women, and that's what they're supposed to be doing.

For mspecs in general that can look like their queer looking relationships to be seen as a phase even if their mspec-ness is respected because of course they're eventually going to get married to a man/woman.

This can affect polyamorous cishet people in that they're seen as doing heterosexuality wrong because you're supposed to have the one partner and the 2.5 kids.

This can affect aspecs because they're told they'll never truly feel fulfilled if they don't have that boyfriend/girlfriend/partner to love them in a way that's so special nothing else could match up.

This affects all of us guys is my point.

How is this helpful to me?

Well for sapphics and lesbians (or sapphics/mspecs confused on if they are actually lesbians) this can be a helpful concept to consider because it can help you determine what relationships you truly want to pursue, which is the main point I feel is to be gained from the Lesbian Masterdoc. As she's put it "it's way more important to ask yourself if you can be truthfully happy with a man than if you’re attracted to them"

So if you're a sapphic who experiences attraction to men but you honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider the idea of comp het.

If you're Achillean the opposite of this can be true, if you've been attracted to women before but honestly can't ever see yourself willingly entering into a relationship with them, consider whether comp het is working on you.

For mspecs this can be a helpful term to throw over the table back at your parents when they ask when you're going to get a "real relationship".

This can be a helpful term to consider when asking "am I forcing myself to wear mascara because I feel this is the only way I look presentable or do I actually like mascara."

Or it can be a helpful concept to look back on when undermining our internalized ideals of misogyny, towards ourselves and others.

This is a helpful term to put in our tool boxes to talk about the harm the systems of patriarchy, classism, and racism impose upon us.

Comp het can help us to understand why so many people look down on polyamory as a legitimate way of life.

It can be a helpful term for aspecs who are trying to figure out if they really want to date/have sex, or if they just believe these are the only things that will make you happy.

In general

Compulsory heterosexuality is just another term to describe a system we are all intimately familiar with. But by giving us the words to describe our experiences, it gives us the power to communicate those experiences more effectively, and to possibly understand why we're experiencing them.

This is just a bare basic knowledge post.

Honestly if you have the ability to, as in your internet history is not monitored in the way my friend's is, I encourage you to go on the deep dive through the sources listed below. Many of them are honestly only 30 pages long, that's a relatively short read, and understanding queer theory like this not only helps you to understand your own identity, but the ways in which you are connected to the rest of the fellow queer community.

Sources

Lesbian Masterdoc

Queer Theory 101: Compulsory Heterosexuality

Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence

Normativities Defined

Taglist

I'm tagging blogs bigger than me so that this has an easier time getting passed around as I mainly talk about aspec issues because I am aspec, but as stated above, I wanted to make sure that queer people who's internet histories are monitored and are only able to find information through tumblr safely could do so.

@our-queer-experience @our-sapphic-experience @our-lesbian-experience @our-aspec-experience @our-polyamorous-experience @our-pansexual-experience @our-unlabelled-experience @our-aroace-experience @our-mspec-experience @our-questioning-experience @our-bisexual-experience

[viviennevermillion]

hello!! i'm absolutely in love with your writing and your posts!! (they're so inspiring seriously)

anyway- i was wondering if i could request Blade with a chronically ill s/o? no specific illness required! just the reader generally being under the weather a lot and exhausted, and how he reacts & takes care of them :)

thank you!! have a lovely day/night <3

With a chronically ill s/o

✧ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ: thank you so much for the request! i feel this bc i've just been diagnosed with two of 'em chronic illnesses (GERD and cough variant asthma) this year and it's been wearing me down before i figured out how to properly manage it. i hope you like this request! also you said i'm converting you to sampo so i'm adding him to this post.

if any readers would like to be on my star rail taglist, feel free to notify me (+ for which characters you want to be tagged). if i find you're on my dni, i will block instead.

✧ ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: i'll be there — gabriella bee

✧ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀꜱ: blade, sampo

✧ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: none

Blade is a very patient and attentive boyfriend. He already thinks existence is a pain so he does whatever he can to make sure you feel better and comfortable. When you have a particularly bad day he'll definitely stay with you if you want him to.

When he first learns of your illness, he makes sure to do enough research to understand it. Kafka found him sitting at a desk with a stack of books about your condition to make sure he's prepared for anything. She'd lean against the door frame with a smile on her face, watching him for a moment before making herself known. "That's so sweet of you", she chuckles and Blade turns his head. "Mind your own business."

Kafka definitely snitches and tells you about how much effort he put into understanding you and your condition

He makes sure to talk with you about it as well. He asks you what symptoms you have, how they feel for you and what you found helps you when you feel under the weather.

Literally asks Elio to predict what your condition will be like in the coming days. If it's a day where your illness flares up particularly bad, he makes sure to get all the items that help you and medications you need in advance.

He does not tell you that he does this; you just think the Stellaron Hunters are very medically prepared.

If Elio predicts that you'll have a particularly good day, Blade makes sure to take you out on a date. Maybe a picnic in nature or a nice dinner somewhere where there isn't a chance of someone trying to arrest him.

He listens to what you say you need at the moment. If you need space and rest, he will happily oblige but if you feel better with his comfort, he'll lay down next to you and wraps an arm around you from behind, snuggling close to you.

Blade has a satisfied smile on his face when he finds you in a peaceful sleep despite your symptoms or pain. He presses a soft kiss to your forehead, careful not to wake you. He feels you snuggle closer to him in your sleep and it makes his heart flutter to find a smile on your face.

If he feels like you might need to eat or might be hungry when you wake up, he pays someone to bring you a nice (and suitable) meal to your doorstep. When you wake up, he asks you how you are feeling and tells you that he hopes you had a nice rest while nuzzling your cheek. "I got you lunch", he says softly and exactly in that moment the door to your room opens and you get your meal.

He assists you with whatever tasks may fall on your plate if you're ready to accept his help. He makes sure the other Stellaron Hunters go easy on you and don't give you any tasks that you feel you might not be able to handle on days where your illness flares up.

If you sent him a text message saying you're not feeling well and need his comfort at the moment, he'd literally drop everything to be by your side.

Blade has lived for a long time and he has seen quite a few cases of chronic illness so he's fairly adapt at being there for you. He's worried about you sometimes but he also knows you're living with chronic illness every day, so you know best what helps you and he trusts that you will take good care of things and reach out to him when you need him.

If you need a distraction, he'll be happy to read to you or play a board game with you or take a walk etc.; whatever you feel up to in the moment!

Sampo is super worried about you at first when you tell him you have a chronic illness because he's super inexperienced with the topic and has no idea what to do whatsoever. So he asks you what that means for you and what exactly your illness is, but there's definitely unrest in his voice.

With time, he fusses over you less and learns to correct some of the worst case scenarios in his head when you told him about it. Sometimes you need to bonk him with a "Sampo, I'm not dying" reminder but he's getting there.

Of course he could look up your condition in books and inform himself about it properly like Blade, but this idea does not occur to him. Instead, if you tell him that you're feeling under the weather, he just like,,,, gets everything, just to be sure. He reassures you that with Natasha around, you'll be in good hands and he promises to her not to try and scam her anymore so long as she takes good care of his love.

You text him that you're not feeling well and that your illness is flaring up and two hours later Sampo enters your home with four comically large bags. "Hey love, I'm home", he calls out to you, "I didn't know what you needed, so I got everything to be sure."

And he really did get everything. You rummage through the bags and raise an eyebrow at him like: "Sampo, what in the name of the Aeons is all this stuff?" There's 3 additional blankets, a hot water bottle, several over-the-counter medications, a couple of prescription meds that Sampo swears he "actually had a prescription for, don't worry about where I got them", healing crystals which he knows are "probably a scam, but there's no harm in trying and they compliment your eyes"; herbs, soup and medical equipment.

A lot of it has actually 0 to do with your condition but he wasn't 100% sure, so he just brought it. You may not need a humidifier, but you own one now.

The highlight is when he says "hold up, there's one more thing", exits your place and comes back a minute later with an entire echocardiac machine. You might not even have a heart condition. "Sampo...what- did you steal that?", you raise an eyebrow. "I found it and thought it might be useful, so I borrowed it", he says and kisses you to distract you from the topic.

Needless to say from that day on you only send him out with a shopping list and tell him to only explicitly get what you told him you need.

If you ever have any heart symptoms he's like "See? This is why we have the echo machine." "Did you learn literally anything?", you shake your head and sigh.

Sampo may not be the most adapt at handling your chronic illness, but he's got the spirit and Natasha is willing to explain things to him as well.

Regardless of how you're feeling, Sampo always manages to make you smile at the end of the day.

When you need rest he's more than happy to cuddle you and spoil you. He'd wrap you in a blanket and repeatedly kisses your temple, whispering to you that he loves you. "Don't worry", he speaks softly and kisses your forehead, "Sampo Koski will always be here for you. I'm sure you'll feel better soon. At least you don't have a Stellaron in your body." "What's a Stellaron?" "Don't worry about it."

Overall, he's confused but he's very dedicated.

[seiya-starsniper]

Rating: Teen || Chapters: 2/5 || Word Count 3.5k/??

Summary: The Dead Boy Detectives run into a familiar pub while out on a case, and Crystal has to contend with an unfortunate event from her past.

AO3 Tags: POV Multiple, Hob Gadling gives live advice to a bunch of teenagers, while helping them solve cases, that's it that's the fic, also he maybe plays matchmaker for his hot mess bestie

Chapter 1

Read Chapter 2 below, or using the link above on AO3!

--------------

Hob Gadling considers himself to be a rather open minded man. He's lived hundreds of years, and seen thousands of strange and unusual things in that same amount of time, so the chances of something catching him completely off guard are rather slim in the year 2024.

The last few days, however, have proven that there are still many, many things that can surprise him. 

One of those things being one Charles Rowland, who is currently waving at Hob from the entryway of the New Inn.

Hob normally doesn't like to get involved in anything having to do with the supernatural, and especially not anything related to the type of work that Edwin and Charles do. He'd met them purely by chance after some asshole with delusions of grandeur had tried to frame him for a series of murders. He’d sent Edwin and Charles on a wild goose chase in a poor attempt to cover his own tracks.

Hob thought that once they caught the real murderer together and cleared things up, that would be the end of things. But then, Hob kept getting involved in their cases over the years, all of them entirely on accident. Eventually, somewhere between the fourth and fifth poltergeist, Hob decided he might as well figure out how to defend himself against supernatural entities, and maybe make himself useful for these poor boys too. They certainly needed all the help they could get.

Hob had been glad to hear that Edwin and Charles had recently gotten some sort of amnesty in exchange for continuing to help ghosts and other souls move on. It was good work, what these boys did. Hob has seen ghosts that haunted the same places for centuries finally be to pass on into the afterlife thanks to them. And now, they not only had permission to keep going, but had gotten more help to do it too.

The addition of Crystal to their little crew had been a surprise, and Jenny an even bigger surprise, though the latter seems less interested in solving cases, and more in making sure Crystal doesn't get herself killed in the process.

Still, Hob's only ever seen the teens all together in some sort of group, never alone, and he's definitely never seen Charles without Edwin. From the moment Hob had first met the two ghost boys, they’d always been a singular unit in his mind. And yet here Charles was, alone and looking strangely expectant while trying to appear casual as he waits for Hob to close out the tabs on the last remaining lunch hour patrons.

“Everything all right?” Hob asks when Charles approaches him once his last customer leaves. 

“Of course!” Charles answers, his signature smile bright on display. “I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to say hello. And to thank you again for the assist the other day.”

As a ghost, Charles is technically always in the neighborhood, so Hob knows that that’s not all that there is to his visit. It also hasn't escaped Hob's notice that Charles specifically picked the one day Jenny wasn't working the kitchen this week to drop by the pub. He clearly doesn’t want anyone to know that he’s here.

But Hob knows by now how to deal with skittish teenagers. Even dead ones.

“Well I'm almost done here and then I'm gonna head upstairs for a cuppa,” Hob says. Mark’s going to be here soon to relieve me of duty. Happy to have some company if you have the time to spare for an old man.”

“Oh! Yeah sure, I'm not busy,” Charles says, and cute that he’s still trying to pretend that he hadn’t come here with a purpose, when his eagerness is so clearly written all over his face. “Don't need any food though, as you know.”

“Sure, sure,” Hob replies, waving his hand dismissively so Charles can head upstairs ahead of him. He's going to make a cup of tea for Charles anyways. The boy always seemed to love the steam that came out of the mugs, even though he’d never admit it out loud.

Mark comes in exactly at 2:00pm, and Hob chats with him for a few minutes, before he clocks out and heads upstairs to his flat above the pub. Charles is already waiting for him in the living room, and Hob immediately sets to the task of warming up some hot water in the kettle and grabbing some mugs for tea.

“So how are things at the agency?” Hob asks as he waits for the water to heat. “Busy as ever, or more so now that you’ve got yourselves a psychic?”

“Definitely busier,” Charles says. “Crystal’s been a massive help with our cases, we're solving them even faster than before.”

“Good,” Hob replies, just as the kettle clicks, letting him know the water is done. “I’m glad she’s using her powers for good nowadays,” he adds as he brings the two mugs over to the couch. Charles looks surprised by the extra mug, but accepts it without a word. Hob doesn’t expect him to drink any of the tea, of course, but as predicted, Charles seems to fall into a trance watching the steam rise out of the cup.

“Thanks for not giving her too much of a hard time,” Charles says when Hob sits down in the recliner across from him. “She’s been really down on herself lately for everything in her past.”

“I can only imagine,” Hob agrees. He knew a thing or two about wanting to reinvent oneself and burning away the past. He’s had hundreds of years to do so after all. In fact, it could even be argued that Crystal was far ahead of where Hob would’ve been had he been in her shoes. The girl he’d met a few nights ago was so different from the one he’d met a year ago in court that Hob would’ve thought she had a twin instead. 

“Seems like you two get along well,” Hob notes after a brief silence has passed. Charles perks up immediately, taking the opening in the conversation.

“We do,” Charles replies, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “She’s amazing.”

“Yeah? So are the two of you a thing then?” Hob asks, and would you look at that, turns out ghosts can blush after all. 

“I—maybe?” Charles says, his voice pitched higher with uncertainty. “I don’t know, actually. I mean, it's, well…complicated I guess?”

“How so?” Hob asks. He’d suspected there had been something going on between them, it was obvious in their body language, and how they gently teased one another throughout the night after the banshee had gone. Now Charles is talking like a man newly in love and completely besotted.

“Is she giving you mixed signals?” Hob follows up when Charles doesn't answer.

“No!” Charles exclaims, shaking his head. “It’s me really, I’m—I don’t know.” He sighs in frustration and runs a hand through his hair. “I thought for a while that’s what I wanted and then Edwin—” he suddenly cuts himself off, a small amount of panic now crossing his features.

Ah. Now the reason for Charles' visit suddenly makes itself clear. Crystal clear even, but Hob keeps that terrible pun to himself. 

“So Edwin finally told you how he felt about you?” Hob asks, deciding to rip the bandage off now and quell the strange awkwardness in the room. Charles’ head whips up so fast Hob feels his own neck start to cramp up in sympathy.

“You knew ?” Charles asks. “But Edwin said he’d only figured it out when we were in Port Townsend!”

Hob shrugs. “Sometimes, things are easier to spot when you’re not in the middle of them,” he replies. “But it was pretty clear that, at the very least, Edwin considered you the most important person to him. It's not surprising he fell in love with you too.”

“You really think so?” Charles asks. “Because I don't—I’d never really thought about it before, you know? He's my most important person too, but I never thought that we would be more than that. But now that he's said it, I can't stop thinking about it.”

“Yeah?” Hob asks. “Does it bother you that he feels that way?” A shake of the head. Good. “Do you ever think you could return those feelings?”

“I don’t know, and that’s the problem!” Charles cries, his voice pitching near to a whine. He stands and paces around Hob’s living room, and Hob has to try not to laugh into his tea. Teenage problems were always the same, whether a live or dead.

“To be honest, I’m still really into Crystal,” Charles starts, “...but then after everything with Edwin, and what happened to Niko, I started thinking, well, how long will that really last? Crystal’s alive, I’m not. She’s going to—she won’t—she’ll eventually—”

“Grow up?” Hob offers when the teen can’t find the right words. “Grow old, hopefully? Live a fulfilling life with someone else that’s flesh and blood?”

“I—yeah. Ideally yes,” Charles replies, though it's clear the thought bothers him by the way he scrunches his features. “But also, what if us being together puts her in too much danger? What if she—if what happened to Niko happens to her, I couldn't bear it, Mr. Gadling.”

“Hob,” Hob corrects the boy gently. “I've told you before that you don't need to call me Mister anything, makes me feel way older than I already feel,” he adds with a laugh. Charles gives him a half smile and just shrugs helplessly. Some habits were impossible to break, it seemed.

“And those are perfectly reasonable fears to have,” Hob continues. “Crystal is her own person though, and you need to take into account that she might find the risk worth it. And to be honest, I feel like the risk to her life is the same, whether you two are romantically involved or not.”

“Yeah, I suppose you're right,” Charles agrees, flopping back down onto Hob’s couch and staring back into the still steaming mug of tea. “So do you think we should give it a go, then?”

Hob shrugs. “I think you two like each other,” he replies, “but whether you think a relationship is worth it is up to you. Does Edwin know about you two?”

“He knows—some stuff yeah,” Charles replies sheepishly. “I had told him I liked her way before he, you know, confessed to me and all. And like, even afterwards, it seems like he’s fine, but I really don’t know if it’s all actually fine, or if he’s just trying to act like he’s fine just because I look fine but he’s not really fine and what if I’ve mucked everything up or—”

“Hey, slow down, Charles,” Hob interjects, and the boy’s mouth clicks shut immediately. “From what I can see, nothing has changed between you, so I wouldn't worry about it,” he adds, trying to sound as reassuring as possible. “Besides, you and Edwin have been together this long now, you've got more than enough time to sort things out, one way or the other.”

“Yeah,” Charles agrees, his voice now wistfully soft and clearly full of affection. “When we were in Hell, I said that to him,you know. That we have eternity to figure it all out.”

“Did you now?” Hob asks, now smiling himself. “Sounds like you two are on the same page then, as per usual. Now you just need to make a decision yourself and Crystal.”

“Yeah…yeah you're right,” Charles says, seeming to come to a decision. His back straightens and he sits up, his signature smile back on his face. “Edwin and I may have forever, but Crystal doesn't and it's rude to keep a lady waiting right?”

“Absolutely," Hob replies.

Charles leaves shortly after, promising not to overthink everything and let his feelings come naturally to him. Hob is fairly certain he knows where things will land eventually, and he's sure Charles does too. It doesn't make the journey to get there any less worthwhile.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Trinity, Pt. 10

So, while Sheppard and McKay are preparing for the test-firing at the Ancient facility, Teyla and Ronon have a whole side-quest going on a planet called Belkan. This is relevant in the sense that the episode seems to be focusing on the moral dilemmas of Teyla with regards to the actions of Ronon and Sheppard with regards to the actions of McKay. They are contrasted, they are narratively mirrored in this episode. Ronon does something that betrays Teyla's trust and McKay certainly feels like he had betrayed Sheppard's trust. It is not that we find a one-to-one correspondence between McKay and Ronon as opposed to Teyla and Sheppard, it is that the scenes of Teyla with Ronon are being contrasted with those between McKay and Sheppard throughout the episode. The contrasts between them are meant to tell us something about McKay and Sheppard's relationship that may not be obvious or readily apparent.

At the beginning of the episode, McKay is giving Ronon advice on whether or not to eat before a mission and Ronon tells him that he has a strong stomach. But given that McKay seems to feel the need to explain to him that a heavy lunch before a mission is not a good idea and mentions Zelenka's stomach bug shortly thereafter suggests that he may have been feeling queasy during the mission himself. His claim that he could eat frozen dinners without warming them up may have been a case of the lady protesting too much, of overcompensating. It also tells us that McKay occasionally says counterfactual things because he wishes they were true, and that he projects and externalizes his own issues. Maybe Zelenka had been ill with a stomach bug, although we see no evidence of this. But there is enough to speculate that McKay himself may have been suffering from one at the start of the episode or just prior to it.

Next, we see Ronon approach Teyla who is scheduled to go off-world to do some business for the Athosians, as he feels the need to get out of the city for a while. He needs something to do, and although we later find Sheppard with McKay's science team on the Dorandan home-world, it seems they have suspended all team related activities at this time. Teyla and Ronon have the following exchange:

Dex: Teyla, I heard you were heading off-world on a personal mission. Teyla: To Belkan, yes. Dex: Sounds interesting. Teyla: The Belkans possess a particular disease-resistant strain of flax seed which would double the yield of our crops on the mainland. In exchange, I intend to offer Athosian manpower to aid in their harvest. Still interested? Dex: This place has everything I want, don't get me wrong, but... Teyla: Sometimes you feel the need to go somewhere else. Dex: Anywhere else. Teyla: I know the feeling. Dex: So? Teyla: Bring only weapons you can conceal. Dex: I'll keep it to a bare minimum.

Now, while McKay's mission to the Dorandan home-world is not a personal mission, it is McKay's mission. And yet, for some reason that is never explained, we find Sheppard there. As the only member of the military. Lifting heavy scientific equipment. While Sheppard's motivation was very obviously to look over McKay and make sure nothing befell him, the excuse that Sheppard may well have given to McKay to be able to tag along was that he just felt the need to get out of the city, to do something. And it seems like McKay had figured out something for him to do, as Sheppard's job during the test was to keep an eye on the core. For Ronon, this probably was the truth. For Sheppard, not so much. He loves Atlantis, and he misses it when they are away. While Atlantis may not have everything that McKay and Sheppard might want, lacking things that they miss from Earth, both of them feel like it is home and do not actually feel the need to leave it. They love coming back home there.

But Sheppard too had apparently offered his manpower to aid in the research. Teyla tells Ronon to bring only weapons he can conceal while Dex promises to keep them to a minimum, where McKay and Sheppard are discussing a huge honking space gun, how Sheppard's eyes light up at the mention of the Ancients souping up their space guns, and McKay very clearly wants to be able to provide Sheppard with one. The space gun is not just out there but as far as weapons go, it is maximum. As we shall later learn, the destructive power of this technology is about as big as you can get. Further, Teyla tells Ronon that she "knows the feeling" and for her, this is a platitude. She recognizes the sentiment. But later on, when McKay is in pain over having lost a member of his team, Sheppard literally knows the feeling. He has felt it himself. It is not only that Sheppard and McKay are able to read each other's thoughts, it is that they empathize with the other's feelings too.

Next, we find Teyla negotiating with the Belkans on their planet and Ronon looking in on the process. They have the following exchange:

Teyla: The manpower that you are demanding is outrageous. You would turn my people into nothing more than indentured slaves to serve your farms. Hendon: It would seem that you have nothing else of value to trade but your people. Teyla: Mattas, you know full well my offer is fair. Mattas: I'm sorry, Teyla. If you had something of more value to offer... technology, weapons. Teyla: You've heard my terms. Hendon: Mmm. Then our business is done here. Dex: She said her offer is fair. Hendon: I say it isn't. Dex: Well, I say it is.

This is contrasted with the scene in Weir's office where McKay is giving his presentation, trying to sell the idea of pursuing research on this technology. What McKay is offering them is both a weapon and technology. McKay is not demanding manpower but a chance to pursue the research that promises them limitless energy. Where Hendon, the local kingpin, seems dissatisfied with what Teyla has to offer and expresses a disinclination of continuing their business, Caldwell confesses that the technology of the Ancients is something they would dearly love to get their hands on, that is very attractive to him. Their "I say it isn't, I say it is" here at the end is contrasted with the "I do, we do, they do" schtick at the end of the scene on Atlantis. But what is more, here it is clear that Teyla and Ronon had not talked about their roles and who was going to be doing the talking before coming to do this, Teyla had simply assumed that she would do the talking and Ronon would merely observe. McKay and Sheppard had clearly agreed upon their roles before the meeting,

But this also contrasts the scene that had just taken place in the Ancient facility, where McKay told Sheppard to focus on bringing the coffee and to leave the sciencing to him. He made Sheppard feel as though his manual labour, if even that, was the only thing McKay needed from him, even though he would not have even been allowed to reopen the experiment if it had not been for Sheppard. The feeling is not entirely based on reality, as McKay does appreciate Sheppard on multiple levels, but all throughout the episode we see McKay express sentiments that betray his sense of intellectual superiority ("Which I'm sure means nothing to you", "None of you are capable of understanding this on the same level that I do"). But we need to appreciate the fact that this is borne from his poor self-image, from his lack of self-esteem. He is protective of the idea that he is smarter than the others because that is the only thing he thinks he has to give to them. If he isn't better than everyone else then he has nothing to offer, he has nothing to give, and he deserves to be unloved.

Teyla seems to be fuming as they leave the negotiations, feeling like Ronon had butted in where he had not been invited and just made it more difficult for her to deal with these people down the line.

Dex: What? Teyla: I had the situation under control. Dex: It didn't look like it. Teyla: So you came to my ‘rescue'? You have no idea what is at stake during these negotiations. My people depend on me. Dex: They were taking advantage of you. Teyla: No, they were not. That is what I wanted them to think. A negotiation is a delicate process, the words spoken are often meaningless.

Teyla claiming to have the situation under control and Dex telling him that it had not looked like it find direct parallels in the failed experiment where McKay was (and still is) convinced that he had everything under control and that even if he adjusted the containment field manually, he could keep everything under control. And while Sheppard does not understand enough of the science to be able to say for sure, it certainly looked like McKay had lost control of the situation to him. Sheppard told him to stop, so McKay stopped. Teyla claims that Ronon came to his rescue without an understanding of what is at stake whereas Sheppard, whom we have seen coming to McKay's rescue again and again, does have some inkling of what is at stake. Especially negotiating the pursuit of the technology with the military and the shark pit that is the Pentagon, Sheppard may even understand the danger McKay is in better than he can. They certainly want to take advantage of his discovery and his scientific expertise, they want the weapon.

And it is also entirely possible that McKay realizes the Pentagon wants to take advantage of him but, like Teyla, he thought that he could use them as they were using him, to be able to complete his research under the auspices of the military while his motivation was never the invention of a space gun, his motivation was limitless and free energy for everyone. McKay never really painted a picture for Sheppard as to how the technology might be used, and it was only Caldwell waxing poetic about the end of fossil fuels and having enough energy for an entire planet that probably drove home the many non-military uses of this technology. It was "the hot dog" big, after all. Teyla also mentions that her people depend on her, and McKay seems to have many people depending on him for all kinds of things. He feels a lot of pressure to offer up performances that won't let them down. His "people" are not only the scientific community and the science corps on Atlantis but also homosexual and bisexual servicemen. And he feels a tremendous pressure to act according to the heavy expectations laid on his shoulders.

Further, Teyla's line about the words spoken often being meaningless is directly contrasted by McKay and Sheppard's conversation at his door. While Sheppard speaks very few words out loud, he is having a full conversation with McKay. And while McKay may have rehearsed his speech to Sheppard, the words themselves were not what moved Sheppard. It was the deep need he saw in McKay's eyes, the yearning for a chance to make it right. And just now, we saw Sheppard give a very long look to McKay that seemed to speak more than a thousand words. The promises that McKay had made to Sheppard were not promises that he had made in words, they were promises he had made with his eyes.

Teyla sends Ronon off to the gate with their flax seeds and is approached by one of the locals who had come to warn her about keeping Ronon around for such negotiations in the future.

Mattas: It was a mistake to force Hendon's hand. You will only pay for it next time. Teyla: I know. Mattas: Your friend is not Athosian? Teyla: No. Ronon is the only survivor of a world known as Sateda. He saved the life of a friend of mine. In return, we offered him sanctuary.

This is also interesting. The person whose hand is forced on Atlantis is Weir. She is being pleaded by McKay, cajoled by Sheppard and pressured by Caldwell who threatens to bring the full force of the US military to overrule her. She does relent in the end but we do not know whether what happened caused permanent damage in Weir's relationship to McKay, or to her trust in Sheppard. Sheppard had made the call based on McKay's pleading, but it was Sheppard that was finally able to turn Weir around, and he has been making her change her mind a lot recently. But we cannot say that it was a mistake to try to convince her, as if the technology had worked as advertised, which she had no way of knowing, leaving it unexplored would have been a shame. Also, where Teyla has a hard time negotiating with these people, Weir called McKay's initial pitch "an easy sell," giving him a go almost immediately.

Also make note of Teyla's line about the reason why she believes they gave Ronon "sanctuary". She says that the reason was because Ronon had saved the life of her friend. The only person whose life Ronon saved in Runner (S02E03) was McKay. Ford had saved his life. He took Teyla and Sheppard captive and then released them. Out of Teyla's three friends, only McKay's life was saved by Ronon as he took on Ford when he was about to kill McKay. And Teyla believes this is the reason they had taken Ronon in. And she is correct, that was the beginning and the end of Sheppard's motivation. Teyla seems to understand full well why Sheppard had felt the need to both take Ronon to Atlantis with them and to give him a spot on his team. The fact that Sheppard did all of it for McKay is main-texted here.

The local man tells Teyla that there is another Satedan on the planet, and because she realizes this must mean a great deal to Ronon, they go looking for this person together. They find the Satedan at a tavern, spinning a yarn for the locals:

Solen: Was I afraid? Course I was! But my people were counting on me. Now, I was alone, and I was low on ammo, but I managed to take out the three wraith guards and gain access to their ship. Dex: Liar! Solen: What did you say? Ronon?! Dex: There were two wraith guarding that cruiser and he wasn't alone. Dex: Uh, Teyla Emmagan, Solen Sincha. We served in the same regiment in Sateda. Teyla: I am honoured. Solen: You two make a nice match, congratulations. Teyla: We are friends, nothing more.

Now, Ronon's friend immediately assumes that Ronon and Teyla are a couple. They are a man and a woman, they are attractive, of course they are a couple. It is much easier for people to see this, to assume this, for a man and a woman than for two men despite how much evidence there might be for the latter. They are just good friends, they are brothers, they are cousins. Note also that at the end of the episode, Teyla mentions her friendship to Ronon for a second time, to underscore the fact that they are friends, nothing more. Zelenka also mentioned being a friend to McKay. The word is not used of Sheppard and McKay in the episode, not once, and it is not because they are not close enough. Theirs is a bond that is more like that of kin. It was not Sheppard's friendship that McKay was using or abusing when he asked for him to speak to Weir for him. He told Sheppard that he had never asked him for anything but that he thought he had earned it. And he was wrong about that, because he would never even have needed to ask and Sheppard certainly never thought McKay needed to earn his love. Also in contrast to Teyla and Ronon being "friends, nothing more," emphasizing the nothing more part, is the fact that while they are not and never will be friends, Sheppard and McKay seem to have been trying that friends with benefits thing lately, and it is not working for them.

Solen mentions that his people were counting on him, repeating Teyla's sentiment from earlier. And again McKay at least feels as though there are a lot of people depending on him, expecting him to get things right. All of Atlantis counts on him, and that is only the beginning of the list. Being alone and not being alone (anymore) also get a mention, and this is something that relates to both McKay and Sheppard. They had been lonely on Earth, and had found a community and a family on Atlantis. And McKay and Sheppard serve in the same regiment now.

Dex: For years I believed I was the only survivor. Solen: So you don't know about the others? Dex: What others? Solen: Before the city fell, a few of us managed to make it to the shelters west of the capital. Over three hundred civilians found their way there too. When we emerged, we realised there was nothing to salvage, so we left, all of us. Teyla: To where? Solen: Some came here, some went to Manaria... Dex: Three hundred. Solen: Drink, Ronon, and rejoice! You're not alone!

Again, being alone and not being alone is mentioned. Ronon believed that he was alone but he had now found one of his people in the strangest of circumstances which is not unlike Sheppard and McKay finding each other in a galaxy far, far away. But there might also be a reference here to the break-down of their relationship following the events of the siege, when Atlantis was under attack, that had made at least McKay believe that there was nothing left to salvage of what they had before. In the context of this particular episode it may also parallel the failing of the experiment, there being nothing left to salvage once the solar system is destroyed, and not much left to salvage of McKay and Sheppard's relationship following this episode either.

On Belkan, Ronon and his friend drink and rejoice, and Teyla is watching from the sidelines mainly just happy that Ronon is happy. She does not feel included in their revelry any more than Sheppard feels included in the science team when the experiment is under way.

Solen: Oh, man! To see Kell's face when he sees you. Yeah, it's true. Dex: Kell's alive? Solen: Yeah, and his family. They're settled on Belsa, run this big trading operation over there. Dex: When were you gonna tell me this? Solen: Honestly? I was gonna wait until you drank a little more! Dex: Then you've seen him? Solen: Yeah, he comes around now and then to trade weapons with the Belkans. He's got his own private army now. Teyla: Is this Kell a friend? Solen: Oh, he's more like kin. He was Ronon's Task Master during his military training. There is no closer bond. Dex: None. Solen: To reunions! Dex: To reunions.

On Atlantis, we were definitely invited to take a look at Sheppard's face as he was watching McKay outside of his quarters, as the fact that he was speaking so few words made his gestures seem all the more important.

Again a reference is made to friendship and what does and what does not count as friendship. Solen tells Teyla that there is no closer bond that that between a Task Master and trainee, that they are like kin. Ronon later tells her that this man was like a father to him. The implication here is that the bond is deeper even than that between a wife and a husband. Sheppard and McKay are not friends, they are more like kin, and we are also invited to think about their relationship when the notification of death to the next of kin was mentioned earlier, with Sheppard and McKay both bereft of family on Earth. They have that bond that is "deeper than words, my friend, deeper than words". But they are not just lovers, either. Now, Sheppard has been training McKay, we can see this in the way he shoots a gun and from what he has said about leaning forward rolls. But they are not just Task Master and trainee, either. They are not just team members. All of these things they are, but it is more than that. There is no bond closer than theirs.

Ronon and Solen seem to drink late into the night, and Teyla has to walk Ronon back into his room for the night. She is not as inebriated, and while she did bring him in, Teyla hovers in the doorway on her way out just as Sheppard hovered in his doorway not admitting McKay in. Where McKay had been looking for a reunion with him, Sheppard turned him down for such a reunion.

Dex: I'm not tired. Why did we leave? Teyla: I believe you've had enough. Dex: I don't believe I have. Teyla: Good night. Dex: Teyla. There are three hundred of my people.

This too is a very important scene with regards to what happened between Sheppard and McKay. Because they are just friends, Teyla is able to bring Ronon into his room, to throw him on a bed, and call it a day. Even though Ronon is drunk, there was never any chance of anything happening here. They are friends, so they are safe in doing this. But McKay asked to come into Sheppard's room and he told him no. Ronon is basically crying here because he had just found out that he was not alone in the universe, and Teyla feels empathy for him. She is not sure whether she should stay with him or to leave him alone, and she decides to let Ronon have privacy to cry out his sorrow in peace. On Atlantis, McKay was similarly in emotional turmoil. He had not found that 300 of his people were alive, he was in anguish over the many people under his watch that had died, but three in particular (Grodin, Gaul and Collins).

He needed Sheppard to hear him, he needed to say this to Sheppard. Maybe he needed to cry about it too. This scene between Teyla and Ronon just makes it even clearer that the reason Sheppard could not admit McKay was because he thought that something would happen, one thing would lead to another. Because they are not just friends, nothing more. Sheppard could never have done to McKay what Teyla did to Ronon because he knows that when he has his arms around McKay, he does not want to let go. These scenes are shown back-to-back also, emphasizing the difference between them. It is only the gender of Sheppard and McKay that makes people not see what is so readily before them.

The next morning, Teyla and Ronon are walking through the village with Ronon seeming to nurse something of a hang-over.

Teyla: How are you feeling? Dex: Fine. Teyla: We should really be getting back. Doctor Weir will be expecting us. Dex: Kell's here. Teyla: What? Dex: He's meeting with Hendon right now. Solen just told me. I have to see him. Teyla: And you would like me to arrange a meeting. Dex: After yesterday, I don't think I'd get very far if I asked myself.

Teyla's line about needing to get back because Weir is expecting them is directly paralleled with McKay and Sheppard in the Ancient facility and with Weir basically begging them to come back because she cannot afford to lose either of them. It does not seem as though Weir has spared that much time thinking about Teyla and Ronon while the drama has been unfolding in Atlantis, whereas she would really prefer to have both Sheppard and McKay home safely. Also, this is contrasted with McKay asking Sheppard to ask Weir on his behalf. McKay told Sheppard that Weir would listen to him, meaning that he believed that Weir would not listen if he went to her himself. Ronon is asking Teyla to do this as a favour, and McKay also believed that he was asking Sheppard for a favour even though he had never asked him for anything like that before. Favours are easy but asking Sheppard to trust someone is a huge deal, and he really wanted to be able to give McKay what he asked for.

Teyla decides to help him out and arrange the meeting he asked for, and Ronon abuses her trust by using her to get to someone that he wanted to kill. Apparently he had some history with his Task Master, and was hankering for revenge. Ronon takes this man's life and Teyla confronts him about it:

Teyla: Ronon, what have you done Dex: We all know who this man was, what he was. If anyone here believes he should be avenged, here I am. Teyla: You just used me to murder an innocent man! Dex: He deserved worse. Teyla: You said he was like a father to you. Dex: Kell commanded several infantry divisions on Sateda, and when the wraith came, he ordered thousands to their death just to save himself. He was... he was a traitor and a coward. My only regret is that his death was quick. Teyla: I understand. In your place I might have done the same. But believe me when I tell you that the others would not. We must not speak of this when we return to Atlantis. And if you ever use my friendship in such a way again, I will not be so understanding.

While Ronon does something that is morally dubious and Teyla feels betrayed, this event does bring the two of them closer together and strengthens their friendship, as it is a secret that the two of them share that they believe the others would not understand. And similarly McKay and Sheppard share a secret that they keep between them because they believe that the others would not understand. It is having a secret that unites them even when they are not actively doing anything with each other. There is also a contrast here to the fact that McKay believes he killed an innocent man, and unlike Ronon's Task Master, Collins certainly did not deserve to die the way that he did. McKay has many regrets and he would do almost anything to fix what he had done in ordering Collins to adjust the containment field manually. His only reprieve is that at least Collins' death was quick, he did not live to suffer like Harry K. Daghlian had. There might also something contrasting Zelenka's actions here, as he was both loyal and brave, and he did not order thousands to their deaths but did tell McKay to kill himself like the Ancients did out of sheer frustration, and he did not say it to save himself, he said it with the express intention of saving McKay's life.

Now, Kelly or Kellie is a Gaelic name that was predominately male until the 1960s but has since become more popular with girls. This is not unlike what has happened with the name Meredith. Because this Kell was "like a father" to Ronon and had apparently been a right bastard, we may wonder as to what this tells us about McKay's father given how hard Ronon and McKay are contrasted in the episode. We never learn what his name was, but we may speculate on this given that he chose to name his son Meredith, perhaps for the same reason that Johnny Cash gave to the father of A Boy Named Sue:

And he said, "Son, this world is rough And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough I knew I wouldn't be there to help you along So I give you that name, and I said goodbye And I knew you'd have to get tough or die It's that name that helped to make you strong"

Giving his son a "girl's name" may have been some kind of a twisted attempt at making him into a man, to toughen him up, and it is even more likely if his own father had done the same to him, making it a form of generational trauma. And if McKay's father had been named Kelly McKay, it certainly makes it interesting that they later give the name Jennifer Keller to a character that seems to have more than a little in common with McKay's parents (especially with regards to having to earn their approval, withholding affection until won over with good behaviour), and not in a good way, given also that his sister Jeannie may well have been named after their mother or one of their grandmothers. It could all just be coincidence. After all, the only thing we know for sure is that McKay thought that his parents hated each other and blamed him. But McKay certainly seems to have enough trauma for a small village, so I would not put it past him that his father had been abusive and that in the past McKay may even have wanted to kill him, which of course he did not actually do.

All of this is a parallel storyline to the main story that plays out between Sheppard and McKay, as most of the stories do. When we contrast the two story threads, it highlights some of the negative spaces, it sheds a light on things that would otherwise remain obscured. And the most important of these is the scene between McKay and Sheppard outside of his door. It is possibly the most pivotal scene with regards to their relationship that we ever get to see. And that scene is coloured by the scene of Teyla heaving Ronon onto a bed, given that they happen back-to-back. No one was thrown down on Sheppard's mattress back in Atlantis. Not on this particular night.

Continued in Pt. 11

[allastoredeer]

I love theory/lore time!

https://www.tumblr.com/allastoredeer/742800213644853248/okay-i-put-my-thoughts-in-the-tags-but-it-wont?source=share

I wanted to say that I also agree with both intakes and those who overall theorize that the person/entity that owns Alastor's soul is either Eve or Roo.

Honestly, Idk if Eve and Roo are different or the same. Maybe they started as two separate entities, but after Eve ate the forbidden apple, they slowly became one. Kind of like how it seemed that Roo was an entity and not just a concept, what allowed Roo to get released in the physical world was the ingestion and possession of Eve… or maybe I'm just sippling.

Anyway, I think the main reason why I feel am not Alastor's contractor is because I just have this feeling that she is not a threat. The show makes it seem as if she was sort of conspiring against hell, but it does not make sense to me for a person who was basically that face of the resistance to sort of be a threat to Charlie and hell in general. She seems sketchy, not going to lie, and that whole thing of both Lilith and Alastor disappearing at the same time is highly suspicious, but idk… maybe I'm crazing but I do not feel such animosity from Alastor to Lilith.

One could look at Al's reaction to Lucifer as maybe a remainder to whom he may a deal (if it was Lilith), besides the obvious of him maybe threatening his position at the hotel. But if that was the case, I would think he would not act the way he does with Charlie. Yes, it can be argued that acts that way because he is trying to manipulate Charlie into something regarding the deal (probably… he is but we are uncertain of what he might really go for with the deal he made), but it just does not add. He might have a soft spot for women, but it does not add that he acted mildly with Charlie (the daughter of the person who owns his soul, in this scenario) when just the mention of him being on a leash had him losing his cool like he did with Husk in ep5. It does not add that he had a mental breakdown because he might have almost gotten attached and risked his life for this group of people (also because he might have overestimated his powers, and we do not exactly know how much the deal restricts him in terms of power). I totally see him working alongside her because he must gain what he has, but I just do not see it being so "friendly" with her. Or maybe I am just underestimating his acting skills.

My point is that (at least in my head, and the way I interpreted the situation) I see more possibility that Eve/Roo/something else is the one holding Al's soul and not Lilith. Now, again, it is really weird that both of them went away at the same time. My theory is that, somewhere along the lines (sometime after Al's made the deal maybe) both he and Lilith partner to maybe stop Eve/Roo or Eve/Roo made Al and Lilith confront in a way that made Lilith having to seek shelter in Heaven, and Alastor to go away. But I feel it was Lilith who might have asked Alastor to watch/help Charlie, and he might have agreed because it is convenient as well… and maybe because it was also Eve/Roo's order…

IDK maybe he is a double spy, and despite all this, he is trying to seek the perfect opportunity which is going to give him the chance to "move all the strings". I also headcanon that both might have a level of respect for one another but that is just a crazy thought of mine because they haven't even interacted so… idk

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Love how your mind thinks!

ALRIGHT IM HERE! I know this has been sitting in my inbox for the past week, but I'm here now and ready to get into it!

I've never considered the possibility that Eve and Roo are the same, but hmmm, thinking about it, I'm not so sure. In the opening of the show, it's said that evil already exists.

Angels shielded all from Evil. So, Roo (the literal Root of all Evil) will have existed long before Eve was even created. If she were using Eve as a host, however... ◉_◉ As being the first one to let evil into the world being the gateway (for a lack of better word) and Roo taking advantage of that...

It was Adam and Eve eating the apple that allowed evil to find it's way to Earth.

Like, the phrasing here says it all. "For with this single act of disobedience, evil FINALLY found its way into Earth."

So not only has evil existed for a long time, it's implied that it's been trying to find a way to get to Earth. (Also, the Roo theory brain is taking over, this whole scene, with these black tendrils growing, turning into a hand, and curling around Earth, do those not resemble roots to anyone? I'd gif it if I knew how, but it literally looks like roots growing up and wrapping themselves around humanity. ROOT OF ALL EVIL, come on, the symbolism is there.)

And with Alastor, I truly think he cares more than he wants. I think he cares more than he expected to. I know there's a lot of people who just do NOT think he does, and that he's going to be the big bad (or at least an antagonist), and while I don't disagree about the antagonist part (I can see him being an obstacle to get in their way), I just think there's going to be more to his character arc. I don't think he's just going to manipulate the hotel, betray everyone, and get all the power he's ever wanted and that's IT.

For one, as any writer knows, stories need conflict. Characters need conflict. One could argue that Alastor's deal is his conflict, but I think his true conflict is going to be getting attached to Charlie and co. and not wanting to. i think he's going to fight it tooth and nail, but I think, in the end, he's going to be their ally (or as much of an ally as he can be considering someone--most likely the actual antagonist of the show--has his soul).

And I agree with you about his relationship with Charlie. We can already see that he's a good at manipulating. The "Dad Beat Dad" episode gave us numerous examples of him using his relationship with Charlie (saying things like "We're all very proud of her," and that he's "happy to fulfill her bizarre requests") to get under Lucifer's skin, while Charlie is shown to whole-heartedly believe him. He IS a manipulator and he knows how to pin-point that insecurity to get what he wants.)

However, there's also examples in the show where he was kind and considerate to Charlie when he literally didn't need to be. There was no reason or benefit to him for doing so.

One example would be him going with her to assist in getting the cannibals help. He didn't need to do this. He got what he wanted. He officially has a deal with Charlie. He gave her the information she needs in exchange for a favor, there's no reason to linger. But he does, and not only does he freely suggest Cannibal Town, but he's going WITH her to recruit their help.

When Charlie is talking to Rosie to get said help, she's frantic and stumbling over herself, and Alastor pipes in to help her. Later, when Charlie is singing her song to convince the cannibals, he pipes in again (when it's obvious they're not entirely on board) to include that they'll get to eat angels, which is the tipping point that gets the town interested. And another time during that same song when he said "he knew she could do it all along." Charlie wasn't there, so who was he supposed to be manipulating in that scenario?

Rosie? As if Rosie doesn't already know Alastor's whole schtick, she was literally telling him about souls he could go make deals with earlier in the episode. Demons who are in a territory that they can't properly defend, which would make them desperate. Easy pickings to manipulate a few into giving up their souls.

He had faith in Charlie getting the cannibals to join and even helped her along every step of the way.

And that's not even mentioning the fact that he has literally let her use his cane twice. His cane, which Vivzepop has said is like an extension of himself. We haven't seen him let anyone else in the series touch his cane. Hell, he didn't even need to offer his cane in the first place, the microphone she was using earlier was still right there.

One could argue he was trying to get the cannibals to help so they could defend the hotel and have a better chance at, you know, NOT dying. But there's multiple times when he does things he didn't have to do, because there was literally no benefit of it to him. But he did.

Because I think he's more attached than he wants to believe.

Where was I...I went on an Alastor tangent.

But yes! The way I see it right now, I can see Roo going after Lillith because Lillith empowered demonkind.

Lucifer may the the ultimate ruler of Hell, but it's obvious that he didn't really...interact much with the rest of Hell. At least from what we've seen. He was ashamed of what he did and lost his will to dream.

He fell into depression. I think when he and Lillith had Charlie, it really did make him happy. I think it brought him out of his depression for a bit, but depression doesn't just...go away. At least not for everyone. And we do see that something had to happen between him and Lillith to result in them splitting up, AND something had to happen to him and Charlie to result in them not seeing each other for long periods of time, to the point of Charlie not even wanting to call him for help when she could really use it.

Guys been in depression for a while, and I can't see him getting involved with Hell, which he's ashamed of creating at all. I can see him being more than happy to step aside for Lillith to handle it herself. I don't think Roo would see him as much of a threat so long as he's not getting involved.

Because as the show says:

She literally EMPOWERED demonkind. Hell grew and evolved, and it became so much more. It became powerful enough for Heaven to not only take notice, but to get worried.

Lillith has MUCH more of an impact in Hell. She has more reach and authority, and I can see Roo being intimidated and/or threatened by that. There's a lot Roo (the Root of All Evil) can do in Hell, where the sinners and wicked go--those who commit evil acts. This should be her PLAYGROUD. But it's Lillith who has authority here.

So maybe Roo needed to get her out of the way? And how much farther can she get Lillith from Hell then having her go to Heaven?

I definitely think there's a connection between Alastor and Lillith. Maybe Lillith did enlist Alastor for his help. Maybe Roo already got Alastor's soul and he helped her, in some way, get Lillith to go to Heaven. I don't know what the connection is, but I'm so eager to find out.

(Also, can we all talk about how Lillith empowered demonkind with her voice, her songs, and Charlie is out here singing every time she wants to help Hell--when she first got the meeting with Adam, when she's trying to convince Adam of her plan, her song with Pentious, etc... And when Rosie asks how she typically tries to get people interested in her hotel, she does so by singing. All of her songs are about love, redemption, being better, working together, almost as if she's trying to empower demonkind with her voice too.)

I think we should talk more about not only what Charlie gets from Lucifer, but what she gets from Lillith as well.

But YES, I'm just so eager to see the whole deal with Alastor and Lillith, and I REALLY think Roo is going to come into play here somewhere. I really do. If not now, then later.

Personally, I still think Roo has Alastor's soul, but who knows? Maybe Lillith DOES have Alastor's soul, but Roo blackmailed/threatened Lillith into going to Heaven, so Lillith ordered Alastor to keep an eye on Charlie for her? Who knows? No one.

Who wants to know? ME!

fgo;fg;sgnsjn AHH I fucking love talking about this show, it gets my brain going.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Take It All [2]

In which your fate had always been predetermined- but fate is a flickering flame, ready to change and morph at any given moment.

Tags/Warnings: ABO au, Alpha!Jungkook, shut up, omega!reader, shut up², anyone remember this?, well I do so open up babybird here's me feeding you another chapter

Additional Chapter Warnings: attempted murder, arson

Length: mid

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You can't do this.

Leaving Jungkook behind was one thing you could somewhat stomach. He was like a fever dream after all; a perfect mate and partner if only the circumstances had been different, though even then, logically, it would've never worked out.

You're not a leading person, you've got no drive to be at the head of a pack- so running away with him to start your own would've never worked out even if you wanted to. But right now, as you stare at the letter sent from Han, the man you're being admired (or more so demanded) by, you're sure anything would be better than the situation you're in right now.

It's why you pack your most necessary items right now, trying to keep the suspicion low on yourself, so no one was to tell the man that you're about to flee the scene.

Within the forest, you try to be quiet. As a female, you can't shift, so you completely have to rely on your senses to lead you where you need to go. The shed deep in the woods is your last effort to sit out Han's patience and hopefully make him loose interest in you, so that both your life and pack stays free and untied to his rather unstable emotions.

And for a while, it seems to work.

Days go by without a single letter, or any hint that he knows of your whereabouts. He surely must've given up on you to let it all rest like this, and for a moment, you believe that there might be a chance to travel back and find Jungkook even- at least attempt to find him, no matter if he's moved on as well or not.

But then you wake up coughing, eyes stinging immediately as you open them.

The shed is filled with smoke and glowing flames, everything in front of your makeshift bed already burning brightly. And one look outside shows the man you've been trying to run away from all along, holding the burning torch before he throws it to the ground, dead patch of grass catching the flames almost instantly as he turns and leaves you do die in the fire he'd set.

Just like he said; he will have you, one way or another. And if he can't , none ever will.

He'd threatened it before, and you know he's a man of his word. There's nothing he'd shy away from if it meant it would get him the prize he craves- in this case your life, your home, your pack. He's a hungry soul, never satisfied, always craving more than he has, even if he has it all.

He's the sin of gluttony reborn, it seems.

You've been running, trying to escape the fate you've known had always been set into stone for you- he'd told you so himself, that once your pack was his, he'd chain you to himself by the means of a bite, and there would be nothing you could do.

And you know what he meant with that.

The roof breaks and tumbles down, threatening to bury you beneath, when you hear the thundering footsteps on the ground somewhere, sounds of fighting heard outside of your walls that barely hold together at this point, and you pray that whoever tries to go against Han can at least escape with their life. Everything you want is for it to just be over- no one should fall into harms way for you.

And then it's quiet, save for the flicking flames around you, and wood giving up on the structure. Your eyes are closed as you hear someone approaching- probably to take you with him now, as you try and at least stand your ground, eyes opening to look at the man your heart simply doesn't want.

But the wolf that's standing in the wooden shed you'd been hiding in doesn't wear the sandy brown coat of Han. It's not his cherrywood eyes in which the flames reflect as if they're raging inside them that are staring at you. It's not his fangs that bite into the burning wood trying to save you from drowning in the heat that's trapping you inside this place, despite the danger he's facing himself, flames licking at his fur and skin.

No- his coat is darker than the burned walls of the shed, and those eyes that remind you of molten glass belong to one wolf only.

The one that said he'd change your fate.

You want to say his name, but all you can get out is coughing as you struggle to breathe, as he leans his head down for you to grab onto. You know it must hurt, it must hurt a lot- but you want to survive, because if he's here, that means there's hope, that means he at least fought off the man trying to kill you in sick twisted desire. It means there's a chance of a future for you.

Outside, he runs off into the woods for a good moment, leaving you to somewhat limp towards a stream of eater to drink and soothe your throat, when suddenly, a hand holds your hair out of your way.

You know it's Jungkook. His scent is everywhere.

"..why?" You ask, sitting in the soft grass as you turn around to find him watching you with a warm gaze.

He simply sits down next to you, holding your arm out before he gets some water into his hand, letting it cool the already angry red burns on your skin. "I told you " He simply shrugs, tending to your wounds. "I'll change your fate."

"He will come back.." you start, but he shakes his head, avoiding your eyes.

"He won't." He simply shakes his head, occupying himself by helping you. "Never again." He mumbles, and its only now that you notice the red stains on his neck, remnants of what you can't be sure is his blood-

Or someone else's.

"You-" you start, but he simply looks over to a lump of fur on the ground, close to the burning shed.

"Its not my first time taking a life." He confesses. "But I was hoping I wouldn't have to do it again." He explains.

"Then why?" You ask, and he slowly turns back towards you.

"Because you deserve a choice." He tells you. "And as long as he was to live, he wouldn't have given you one."

That much is true. He's right in that as long as Han would've been alive, he would've tried to get you under his claws, no matter the cost. But what hits you most about his answer is that he's not justifying his actions by claiming you- he doesn't give you the answer of 'I want you instead', no. He gives you a choice.

For the first time, someone is giving you the power to decide your own fate.

"And if I choose to stay with you?" You say, making his eyes widen a bit as he looks at you- before they soften.

"Then I'll gladly keep you at my side-" He nods, leaning in to place a kiss against your neck, right where your bonding mark would be, "-for as long as you want."

[onechicagolife]

ᴀʙꜱᴇɴᴛɪᴀ | ᴊᴀʏ ʜᴀʟꜱᴛᴇᴀᴅ

Detective Jay Halstead is a senior member of the Intelligence Unit, where he is partnered with Detective Hailey Upton after his former partner went missing undercover. While he never wanted to give up hope, the CPD assumed her dead and he was resigned to accept it. Now, two years later, Jay gets a sudden phone call with news that changes his life forever. Avery Clarke is alive. want to be tagged? link in bio <3

Chapter Nine

"Are we helping out on a case?" Avery directs the question to her boss, uncertainty only growing when he folds his arms over his chest and silently looks at Lang.

"Sort of," Agent Lang starts slowly, eyeing her skeptically before noting the impatient quirk of her brow. He clears his throat, "Actually, I'm here about your case. I want to talk about the last two years."

Her heart skips a beat in her chest, and she swallows, "What about it? Are you on the Volkov case?" It's been weeks since her return and they officially lost the case again, not even being told which agency had it. Every single time she or Hank have reached out for an update, they've been stonewalled. She's tired of being frozen out, but if the case is being handled by the DEA instead of the FBI, maybe her connections can finally get them somewhere.

"I'm part of the DEA task force," Lang carefully pauses. He knows her well enough to prepare himself for the temper she occasionally exhibits. "And so were you."

A sharp inhale cuts through the thick silence that follows, Avery blinking with furrowed brows as she attempts to process the admission. How in the hell was she part of a federal task force when it wasn't even a federal case two years ago? Hank can sense the shock and confusion coming from the detective, so he steps in, setting aside his own shock, "What do you mean, she was part of the task force?"

"You weren't missing," the agents starts, "You were undercover, for us." Unable to believe the words coming from the man's mouth, Avery turns on her heels and begins to pace in the small space, dragging her fingers through her hair. She closes her eyes and tugs harder at the tangled strands, as if the pain might magically cause the memories to resurface. At her lack of response, Lang continues with what he knows, "After your cover was blown, they held you for interrogation. They tortured you for weeks. Beatings, electric shock, sensory deprivation. But you never broke. Actually, you convinced them that you were who you said you were — Talia — and that you and a few others were planning on betraying the Aleksovs. The wire was so that you could use the information for yourself.

"They believed you. I still don't understand how you did it, but you gained their trust and struck a deal. In exchange for your life, you'd give them everything they needed to take control of the Aleksovs' operations. After almost three months, you got them to trust you enough to let you go on the promise that you'd work for them. By this time, the FBI had taken the case from Major Crimes, and we were planning on officially making a task force. They had an undercover, very low level but had his ear to the ground. Once Nikolai Volkov successfully used your information to dismantle the Aleksovs, there was talk about a "beautiful woman" that got caught with a wire but was able to charm Nikolai with her business savvy and flexible loyalty. We started to suspect it could be you."

Having heard enough, Avery finally interrupts, shaking her head in disbelief over what she is hearing, "No. This doesn't make any sense. If I somehow 'charmed' them enough to let me go, why didn't I contact CPD as soon as possible? Why didn't I call Hank?" She glances to the older man as his name falls past her lips, desperately searching for any kind of answer in his eyes. But she only finds that he is just as unsure as she is.

Lang folds his arms across his chest, "We had agents waiting at the locations we knew about to intercept you at first chance. That's when you and I connected for the first time. I gave you my pitch: no one has ever gotten as deep within the Volkov organization as you had the chance to, Avery. And if you left then, they'd think you were betraying them. They'd come after you and they wouldn't stop. So, you agreed to go back in as part of our federal investigation long enough to help our undercover agent rise higher up in the ranks. You'd have to stay 'missing' for just a couple months, so that you could get out without raising suspicions and set us up to take them down. Do you remember Special Agent Anderoff – Jim – from the task force a few years back? He became your main contact. After a few weeks, you found evidence of something bigger. Turns out, the Volkovs have been trafficking in more than just guns and drugs."

"Women," Voight realizes gruffly, and her blood runs cold.

Lang nods, "And girls. Some as young as twelve, and we had no idea. You couldn't walk away."

A warehouse full of cages flashes behind her eyes before being replaced by the cold, battered body of Nadia. The image of her teenage self, high out of her mind and pressed down against a dirty couch.

"We thought that by taking the case from the CPD, it would stop the investigation into your disappearance. And it did, for a while. But Detective Halstead never fully stopped looking into things, and one lead he was following started to get close to you. If we hadn't planted faulty intel, he'd have ended up getting himself or you killed." She exhales a breath, facing Lang and meeting his eyes for the first time in minutes. "Avery, it was your idea to fake your death. You knew that Halstead would never stop looking for you so long as there was some shred of hope that you were still alive. We planted some seeds about a woman matching your description having been killed, and after a little bit of pressure on the deputy superintendent, they had you declared dead."

No. "You're saying..." There was no way. "You're saying that I chose this?" Her voice shakes as she forces the words out, a painful sting starting to build in the pit of her stomach. There was no way she would let her friends and family think that she was dead... Would she? To protect them, to protect Jay?

Avery blinks back the tears that begin to well in her eyes, deciding that right now, something she can focus on – something she can control – is anger. "Why now?" she grits out, taking a step towards Lang as her volume continues to rise, "Why come to me now, when you've known what happened to me this whole time?"

"I wanted to," he tries to assure, "As soon as we found out what happened, I wanted to. The decision was made way above my paygrade. When the agency heard about your memory loss, they decided it was better to keep you in the dark. Your cover was likely blown but you... well, they thought you would want to go back in to finish what you started. I finally managed to convince them to let me come see you today." Lang shuffles around a few things in his bag before pulling out a manila file folder. He extends it towards her, "You're not an agent, so this is as much information that I could get them to hand over."

Avery eyes the much-too-thin folder with a scoff, "What, I don't have clearance to read about my own life?"

When she stubbornly refuses to take it from his outstretched hand, Lang sighs and sets it on the edge of Voight's desk instead, "I'm sorry." With no response other than a stiff nod from Voight, Lang offers another apology before leaving the office.

A soft thud echoes as the door closes behind him and Avery brings her palms up to press into her eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling and stifle the burgeoning headache. "This can't be real," she mutters as she shakes her head.

Hank picks up the folder before flipping through the pages, eyes skimming over its contents. "There's photos," he confirms, "It's your signature on these reports."

She doesn't believe him. Avery snatches the file from his hands but can't bring herself to look at it herself. She can't believe him. There's ringing in her ears and pounding behind her eyes, and the air is suddenly so thick that she struggles to take in a complete breath. Spinning on her heels, she wretches the door open and storms into the bullpen, immediately feeling the weight of seven pairs of eyes. One pair in particular burns at her skin, and she fights the urge to meet them. Stepping quickly to her desk, she rips her jacket from the back of the chair.

Hank calls out her name from the doorway of his office to no avail. "Detective Clarke," he says firmly, raising his voice in a way that causes her to halt in her tracks halfway across the room. "Just take a breath, we'll figure this out."

Clenching her jaw tightly to fight the sob clawing at the back of her throat, Avery glances over her shoulder at the older man, "We? There is no 'we,' Hank. Apparently, I made sure of that." With that, Voight watches without objection as she rushes down the staircase. He doesn't know what he could possibly say to stop her from leaving, to stop her from spiraling, when he is just as lost for words. As he turns to head back into his office, he spots Ruzek stand from his desk out of the corner of his eye. "Don't," he orders, and Adam halts his stride, "Let her go."

This cannot be real. This cannot be real. This cannot be real.

She doesn't know how long she's been sitting here, alone in her car. The sun has already traveled across every window, shining through the glass and bouncing off the pages now sitting beside her. Avery stares straight ahead, but her eyes blur everything out. Reading the words on those pages — her words — was supposed to give her some answers. Answers other than what she was told: that she chose to let everyone she loves think that she was dead.

But they were her words, and the proof that she was undercover for the DEA was right there in black and white. And she knows that vowing to put an end to a sex trafficking ring is something she would do. After what happened to Nadia, she would never let anything like that happen to another girl if she could help it. The last two years started with torture and pain before being spent gathering intel, arranging deals, and sabotaging whatever she could. The information has allowed her to construct images in her head, rebuilding the memories she lost, but there are still gaps between the reports she was given. She can feel it in her gut that there is something missing, something important. Something that she needs to remember.

She has lost everything. She lost two years of her life, two people she considered family died without her being there. She can understand staying undercover, sacrificing her normal job and life. But if she made the choice to fake her death, that means she chose to sacrifice the man she loves. That means that everything that's changed, the way things are now, is her fault.

The sound of a car horn pulls Avery back to reality, and she blinks away the tears clouding her vision. She hadn't even realized that she was crying as she wipes her cheeks with the backs of her hands. Taking in her surroundings, her eyes land on the bar across the street from where she's parked in front of her new building. After staying with Hank since her return, she decided it was time to get back to normal by looking for her own apartment. She has still been at the home she grew up in, though, until she gets actual furniture besides the mattress still in the plastic resting on the floor.

Avery stares at the bar for a few minutes, watching the people that walk in while it's still light out and contemplating whether she should be one of them. She knows that she shouldn't go inside. She knows that she should go back to work. She knows that she shouldn't let the contents of that file drive her into a spiral.

She goes inside.

Avery sets down the box filled with the rest of her clothes, taking in the furniture finally set up in the bedroom. A small smile tugs at the corners of her lips, relieved that she has an actual bed to sleep in instead of the mattress she's been crashing on the last few nights after stumbling home from the bar. She walks back into the main area of the apartment, smiling wider as Kevin finishes mounting her television and Adam adjusts the couch. Avery narrows her eyes as she watches Kim playfully throwing cushions at him to set up, their laughter filling the apartment. "Thank you guys again for helping me today," she gushes.

"Stop thanking us," Kim laughs, "You know we're happy to help." She moves to head to the bathroom, squeezing Avery's hand with a smile as she passes.

Avery watches until she is for sure out of earshot before slowly making her way towards Adam with a smirk. He plops down on the couch with a sigh before spotting her, eyeing her warily, "What's that look for?"

"What's going on with you and Kim?" she counters with a raised brow. He rolls his eyes and throws his head back with a groan. Pointing an accusatory finger, she chuckles, "I knew it. You're hooking up again."

Adam can't fight the smile that creeps up, giving a half shrug, "Maybe."

"Maybe," she mocks as she sits down next to him, earning another eye roll.

They spend the rest of the afternoon hanging out, eating pizza and watching the game on her freshly set up tv. After a few hours, Avery bids them goodbye and starts unpacking her clothes until she can't ignore the itch anymore. She grabs a glass from the kitchen, pouring drink that ends up containing a hefty amount of vodka and just a splash of soda before heading back to the bedroom. She moves over to the window that she managed to turn into a makeshift crime board. Opening the panels, Avery stares at the photos and pages she taped up days ago. She knows that there is way more to the story of the last two years, and she is going to figure it out. Agent Lang was right. She is going to finish what she started.

tag list: @talicat713​ @anotherfan07 @nevaehstreater18 @hehurst23 @goingwiththewind @pinkwhitebrown @jesseleesofferupdates @mrspeacem1nusone @romanogersendgame @nobodycanknowus​ @toomuchtv95 @atarmychick007 @butterflylies​ @imtoanonymousforyou​ @renataficrecs​ @ossypooh​ @haynsey​ @hajrakhan​ @whothehelliskayleigh​ @silentbutscreaming​ @letsstarsfalling​ @brookerz122493​ @mrshalsteadxx​ @itserickalove​ @livstilinski​ @bebataylor84​ @sande5098​ @withakindheartx​ @star017​ @camillyb​ @nerdybeansprout​ @munteanmiss​ @jackson-n​​ @callsignlunar

[a-gay-little-cat]

(This drawing got way out of hand but. I'm attaching it to the OC interview anyways!!!! Thank you for tagging me @mail-me-a-snail!!!!) OC interview thingy under the read more :]

Name?

“Vito.” Nothing special or out of the ordinary here really. Though he doesn’t like giving people his surname. Scan him for it if you are so nosy.

Nickname?

“The Red Scorpion.” "...." “That’s a joke, it’s V.” His name is short enough to not warrant a nickname really but V is what he likes to use for business related stuff, keep it formal, keep it anonymous. Though I do think Red Scorpion is the name for his bike. And also the symbol he wears on his vest. He just really likes scorpions and any other desert critter.

Gender?

“Male.”

Vito is trans, has been for a good chunk of his life and he couldn’t be happier with it.

Star sign?

“Scorpio, much to my delight. No idea what it means though. Don’t really care for that kind of stuff.” Fun fact I was so close to making the joke of having Vito be born on the day the Arasaka Towers got blown up but then his age wouldn’t have aligned quite right. He’d have to be 53 during the main story but… still a joke in the back of my mind, might adjust it JUST to be funny, maybe not.

Height?

“Last I checked it was 5’8.”

It’s a pretty good height all things considered. He might appear a bit taller though thanks to the bit of heel on his boots as well as his hat he wears most of the time. He has no complaints about his height though.

Orientation?

“Whoever strikes my fancy.”

Vito is bi and doesn’t really have a preference. Just kinda lets himself be taken wherever his heart desires. (Sometimes that can be horrible ex-corpo men who have something really wrong with them. Shoutout to Lucian. What is wrong with him.) Though he usually doesn’t look for more than a fling. Not actively looking to date or find anything long term. (Lucian was kind of an unexpected case.)

Nationality/ethnicity?

“Born and raised in Mexico. Lived there a good while too.”

His parents likely still live there, he wouldn’t really know. Cut ties a long time ago and has kinda moved from city to city looking to follow his ambitions.

Favorite fruit?

“Hm… don’t have fruit a lot these days but peaches have always been my favorite.”

I can only imagine fruit is just kind of rare to come by, if not expensive. Vito’s never had a lot of money to his name all things considered.

Favorite season?

“Fall. It’s just right.”

Listen he may be used to hot climates but all that leather is probably a nightmare during the summer. And no he will not sacrifice his looks.

Favorite flower?

“Flowers? In this year and age?” He doesn’t know shit about flowers. He might like ones that bloom on cacti but… it’s not really his scene.

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?

“You can’t go wrong with a nice tea.” He’ll always pick tea over anything else. Coffee is… okay. But he doesn’t get the appeal. Vito especially likes any sort of red/fruity tea but he’ll give anything a try at least once.

Average hours of sleep?

“4…. 5… depends.”

And that’s on a good day. Especially in the height of everything with the relic he is lucky to get one or two hours of sleep. Pain is one hell of a bitch keeping him up. Very hard to get comfortable at all. But once that’s all over and he’s settled down it’ll probably end up closer to an average of 8 hours, at least.

Dog or cat person?

“Reptiles.” “...” “But if I have to pick? Cats.”

Vito isn’t one to really care for pets. He doesn’t hate them and will pet a dog or a cat if someone he knows owns one but that's about it. Doesn’t really need a pet of his own.

Dream trip?

“Not really looking to travel.”

As a guy who has moved from place to place, Vito doesn’t really… plan for trips. Most of his traveling was out of necessity and not because he was looking for a vacation spot. Somewhere outside of NC could be nice but he just doesn’t really think about it. Busy with other stuff. Also he would want to travel with Lucian and well……. who knows how that would go down.

Favorite fictional character?

“Pardon?”

Vito reads a lot but he’s not like… crazy about the characters or even really involved, it's just to pass time and relax.

Number of blankets you sleep with?

“.....2.”

He gets cold in his sleep and it's a nice weight. One hell of a fight to get out of bed in the morning though.

Random fact?

Vito loves putting together little models of things if possible. Doesn’t always have the time for it but… it’s fun and relaxing :)

Don't really know who to tag but hey whoever wants to do this with their guys feel free to go ahead!

[kumamoto-division]

Even though the full bloom forecast in Kumamoto had already passed by a few days, the city’s “Hanami” still seemed to yet cease for another visitor…

“Looks like Hanami-san isn’t home yet,” said the reddish-haired boy with a guitar case on his back. He had tried hitting the doorbell a couple of times but there was no response from the resident.

Holding a cherry blossom snow globe in his hand, he tried finding somewhere to lie down the gift so that the birthday owner could receive their gift properly.

“Oopsie~ Kunio kid didn’t tell me that the little birdie is having work today, but maybe he is busy with some gigs at the theater.”

Glancing at his side, standing beside him was a tall man with a usual carefree smile and the iconic shades he always wears.

Honestly, even if Yuuya knew it was certain that this shady dude was someone with an official profile in public, he just couldn’t help doubting whether he could trust him or not —Not only because of his shady look, but also for the fact that he claimed himself to be one of his dad’s ‘friends’…

Suddenly, the voice of a girl from somewhere had joined the conversation.

“Let’s leave what you called [gifts] here and get back, human! ANGE thinks that entity named [Hanami] kinda doesn’t look safe...”

On the screen of Yuuya’s phone appeared a figure of one girl with long white hair and bright red eyes with inhuman white pupils. Her expression seemed to be anxious about something. And despite how real she sounds, listen closely and one might notice some static hidden in between the phrases —Yeah, her voice was actually synthetic, given that the speaker was not really human. Still, Yuuya had got to admit that her speaking had been improving a lot since they first met.

Hearing the mysterious girl in Yuuya’s phone talked, his ‘dad’s friend’ with suspicious sunglasses slightly raised his brows.

“Oh, your girlfriend is tagging along huh.”

And even if his shades blocked him to see his clear expression, Yuuya just felt like his tone sounded a bit like a sneer.

“It’s such a regret~ If this is only a date between the two of us, I’d like to take you to do many funsy together~~ There are loooot of stuffs we could enjoy here in Kumamoto, ya know~?”

“EEWWW The one who should go away are [you], dirty cat! Shoo, shoo! Go away!! You don’t plan to scam my human, do you? You’re always lying even just now!”

“—Hey, stop fighting you two.”

It wouldn’t be good if their bicker got more heat than this, so Yuuya had to interrupt them somehow. Besides, he didn’t have much time to leisure around, actually.

“Alright, then I’ll just leave the present here and get back. I already had an appointment with my clubmates at school, so I shouldn’t keep them waiting for long, should I?”

After finding somewhere that looked like a mailbox, he carefully placed the pink snow globe there and glanced back at his phone’s phone to see that his cyber buddy was now calming down, only with some little pout on her face.

Maybe he was just imagining things but he felt ANGE had been lately a tad bit clingy toward him ever since she told him that there were too many individuals with ‘omnious waves’ lurking around in the D.R.B. —He wasn’t sure what she really meant though, but he’d like to give it some thoughts.

And even if he still doubted many things about her as well, here and now wasn’t a right time to be a skeptic. So, he decided to just leave further query inside of his mind for now.

Thinking so, Yuuya then turned to his other companion.

“And Asebi-san, ANGE is not my girlfriend… However, I beg of you to not be rude to her please.”

Humming a joy melody to himself Hanami Yamamura seemed to dance when he get close to his own residence gave by the starless theater,saying a friendly "hi" or a glow smile to the people who said him "hello" or looked at him with smiles, Hanami was a truly light to anyone in kumamoto city

The "songbird" sighed when he looked at the little box on infront of his door

"uh? What could be this?"-Hanami hummed holding the gift on his hands, looking it closer to him the sapphire eyes has a light when he looked better the snowball

-"how cute!"-Hanami mumbled seeing the beautiful design of a bridge surrounded by cherry blossoms. He shacking it softly and a sweet smile appeared on his face when the pink "snow" seemed to fly around the ball like that seasons where the flowers blooming, that season Hanami named himself after

In that moment several pink petal fall around him and Hanami raise the look

He laughed seeing the fall of the cherry blossoms

[a-s-levynn]

Okay so let's make this post the official start of my 'sleep token stuff' tag for lore ideas and thought exercises and analyses and everything alike.

Originally this went under a wonderful lore discussion post but my addition went off rails and honestly i just wanted this on it's own for me to find it easier later so feel free to ignore it altogether. It's no secret that my probably all time favourite ST song is Higher and no small part of it is the refrain.

This is mostly an in-lore thingie i guess but all of this has a purely human, self reflective read as well but i don't have the mental energy at the moment to expand on that side as well but maybe one day. But the jist of it would be that if you replace Sleep with thoughts or feelings or the "other you" you always promise shit to it makes sense in a whole different very much human level as well. At least it makes sense for me. Maybe i'm just being stupid again.

Anyway here is my short thought exercise on the refrain of Higher. These lines specifically:

With all that you believe You still refuse to shelter me

'Cause I am a danger and you're 

A long way from home you are one among many 

But you're now on your own 

And I hate the way you look at 

Me when I am not understood 

'Cause you can remember only 

When you're alone I am granting you more than 

The debt that I owe

I think this is such a two ways text because it can be read from the viewpoint of Vessel but also Sleep's. Or both at the same time. At least for me. Maybe it's just me having a brainfry again but here is my thought process on it:

"With all that you believe You still refuse to shelter me" - They both belive the other is what they need. But on Vessel's part he might feel like Sleep does not gives him what he thinks he want's or needs. On Sleep's part, Vessel might not accepted Sleep in a way Sleep wanted or doesn't go exactly the way about things as Sleep expected at first. So in neither case a "shelter" is created. Not in a way originally imagined. It may and probably did happen anyway just not how it was originally expected by either of them. Because they want kind of the same but in wastly different ways. Sleep needs the safety of having followers, to be knkwn, to be strong again, to be worshipped. Vessel want's something that a human consideres a safe place. So they want the same but not the same. And the human and divine understanding cannot be aligned perfectly. But they try. Doesn't always work, especially on Vessel's end but they still believe the other can do what they agreed on but doubt is there in the corner because it doesn't happen the originally expected way. But they do believe in the other.

"I am a danger" - on Sleep's part it's fairly obvious with the whole ancient being stick. On Vessel's part tho.. he is a danger because the human element always has some unpredictibility to it. It could bring some unforseen sideffects to Sleep's plans and who knows how much a once all powerful beeing handles not being in perfect control. Maybe the unknown is scary to Sleep in a way as well in this weakened state. And that gives an edge to Vessel, however small that may be.

"you're a long way from home you are one among many but you're now on your own" - on Vessel's part this could refer to him leaving behind his life, his home to follow Sleep's call. This includes friends, family, essentially transferring from being 'one among many' to 'being on your own' in an unknown situation. Or just simply being a lonely human being who is completely alone no matter how many people are around him because since Sleep came into his life, no one really understands him. I kinda like this second version because of a later line in this verse. On Sleep's part it very well may have been the case that there was or still is a larger pantheon somewhere beyond. And for reasons it shatterred, faded or just some clashing happend or whatever other reason, but Sleep ended up here alone, so much more close to the human world which is very much an unknown to a being that never really experienced humanity in this way but mayhaps only through worship before, from far far away.

"I hate the way you look at me when I am not understood" - on Sleep's part is just that as a deity, does not communicate in conventional ways and Vessel might not understand correctly what is expected of him at all times. On Vessel's part it can be twofold again. First when he asks, requests or says something of/from Sleep and it's misunderstood or not understood at all because divine-human comprehension can and probably has dissonances. Also it could refer to Sleeps disapproval or bafflement over Vessel being misunderstood by other people, let it be friends/family or the world in general. (This could very well tie into being alone among many. Being misunderstood.)

" 'Cause you can remember only when you're alone I am granting you more than the debt that I owe" - Sleep and Vessel are the only ones who can understand their situation as a whole. They are the only one's for each other, everyone else (even the other vessels -tho probably for a higher degree of understanding than others- can only try to comprehend what this connection entails. And it only goes beyond the strictness of the original pact formed, when the two are alone. They probably have a different bond because there is a deeper understandig, given Vessel is the main conduit. And if Sleep's power is channelled through him, he probably had glimpses into Sleep's thoughts and desires and more and vica versa and at some point decided they may give each other even more for some reason only fully know to them. We usually only focus on Vessel owing a debt to Sleep because Sleep raised him form the dark, the obscurity but there is also a debt on Sleep's side. Because without a vessel he can't achieve what he want's(followers) especially not to this magnitude and speed. And Vessel choosing to do Sleep's bidding and may even going beyond the initial agreement creates kind of a debt on Sleep's part as well. But these additional gifts and givings are only happening when there is only the two of them. It's theirs and no one else's.

Again if we assume Sleep is a metaphor or a kind of personification of certain human elements, than all this gets so phylosophical and taps into the human psyche in a way that is kind of delicious and definitely interesting. But not today or not by me.

And i'm still not sure where i wanted to go with this, it's more of an exploration of ideas sparked by lyrics in regards of lore and how lyrics can be read different ways maybe, than anything serious really.

[dxncingwithastrxnger]

2. now that you have me, do you want me still?

A/N: Tada!!!! Chapter 2!!!! I've spent all day writing this because I kept getting distracted 💀💀 But I just wrote almost an entire 5,000 words in one day, I think that might be a new record for me, tbh, lmao. But lemme tell you guys, I absolutely love this. I think this is actually both the best and my favorite smut that I've ever written. It's slightly different than how I usually write it as well, but I think it's better this way, tbh. I hope you guys like it, too!!! Please read all the tags before diving into the chapter in case there's something in there that you don't wanna be reading!!! Enjoy!!!

Pairing(s): Tristan x Lancelot

Summary: Tristan and Lancelot go home together and finally take action on all the tension that's built up between them for the last 8 months.

Tags: Aged up characters (somewhere around 21-24), cheating/infidelity sorta (again, depends on how you look at it), smut, explicit sexual content, blowjob, anal, anal fingering, discussion of how gay sex works (you'll see what I mean, LMAO), I think that's it, but if I missed something that you think should be/want to be listed here, please let me know!!!!

Song Inspiration: Shameless By Camila Cabello

Word Count: 5,747

Not beta'd, all mistakes are my own.

~*~

[Series Masterlist]

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9]

[Read on AO3]

[Author Masterlist]

~*~

As soon as their lips are touching, he's completely gone. Lance usually isn't one for sweet things, but Tristan is an immediate exception to that. The other boy's lips have the faintest hint of strawberry on them and he vows to start appreciating the fruit way more than he used to. Tristan immediately slides his hands into Lance's hair and leans into him, trying to get closer. He can barely believe this was happening, that they'd finally gotten to this moment. He doesn't think he's ever enjoyed something as simple as a kiss as much as he's enjoying this one. This is a completely new experience for him. What surprises him the most is Tristan. If anyone has ever tried to claim that Tristan Liones is a bad kisser, they're sorely mistaken. Not like Lance himself is an expert or anything like that, but he's most definitely experienced some bad kissers. But Tristan is the complete opposite of those.

His lips are firm against Lance's, insistent. When Lance swipes his tongue across his bottom lip, he's instantly granted entrance. There isn't a single hint of hesitation in Tristan's actions. He knows exactly what he's doing and he's not at all shy about it. Lance tries his best to give the same thing back. His hand that was on Tristan's cheek now slips back to tangle in his long, silver hair, something that Lance has wanted to do since the moment he first laid eyes on the prince. He rolls his tongue over Tristan's and is rewarded with a quiet moan against his mouth. Tristan gives a slight tug to Lance's hair and he groans softly, his head tilting up slightly as the other man deepens the kiss. Before either one can do anything else, though, they both hear someone clear their throat loudly somewhere close by, causing them to pull apart and quickly turn in the direction of the person. Lance instantly relaxes upon seeing who it is, however.

"Oh, it's just you two." He says a little breathlessly. "Hey, guys." He says in a casual tone that he doesn't at all feel.

"Lance? You know them?" Tristan asks hesitantly. Lance looks at him. He looks nervous, his eyes flickering between the two other men standing right in front of their booth. He gets it. The two of them are both technically in relationships, as far as most of the world knows, and now they've been caught all over each other by people that Tristan knows as complete strangers. There's so many people that could use this information against them and that wouldn't be good for either of them. But luckily, Lance knows they wouldn't ever do such a thing.

"Yeah. These are my friends. Nasiens and-"

"I'm Percival!" Percy blurts in his usual loud, bubbly voice. "But most of my friends just call me Percy. It's so wonderful to meet you, Tristan!"

Lance watches as Tristan tilts his head in confusion and he chuckles. "Sorry," He whispers in Tristan's ear. "Percy tends to act very familiar with people even if he's just met them, it's just the way he's always been."

"O-oh." He replies. And then the most brilliant smile spreads across his face. "It's lovely to meet both of you! You're the first of Lance's friends I've gotten to meet and I can't wait to spend more time with you both in the future." He shoots Lance a look full of meaning and Lance feels a slight flutter in his chest, finding himself smiling back at him.

"We'd love that. But that can wait. It seems you two have somewhere else to be right now, yes?" Nasiens is giving Lance a look that's half knowing, half teasing, with a hint of something soft. Lance grins at him.

Percy looks confused and is about to question Nasiens but Lance turns back to Tristan and speaks up first. "Yes, that's right." His eyes question the silverette silently, making sure they're both on the same page. Tristan nods once, a smirk curling his lips.

Both of them slide out of the booth and stand up as Percy and Nasiens move back to give them room to do so. "I'll catch you guys later, yeah?" Lance playfully flicks Percy's forehead and then ruffles Nasiens hair slightly.

The black-haired man just huffs while Percy beams. "Of course!"

Lance and Tristan walk towards the lounge's entrance before stopping, turning to each other. "Your place okay?" Tristan asks, reaching forward to brush his hand against Lance's.

Lance catches his hand before he can pull it back and intertwines their fingers together. "Yeah, that definitely works. What are you gonna tell Isolde?" He asks curiously.

Tristan takes a step forward and reaches up with his free hand, placing it on Lance's chest. "I'll just tell her that we're gonna have a guy's night." As he speaks, his eyes leave Lance's face to instead watch his own hand as he slowly trails it down Lance's chest and toward his stomach. "You know. Get a bit drunk, play some games," Lance stops breathing as Tristan's hand moves down his torso and over his stomach, stopping right about the waistband of his jeans. Tristan looks back up at him as he finishes speaking, his eyes absolutely burning with heat. "Get to know each other." And Tristan pulls his hand away and takes a few steps back, grinning.

Lance sucks in a deep breath, nearly choking, much to his embarrassment. But Tristan has a knowing twinkle in his eyes, his expression one of mischief. He's a fucking tease. Noted. He shakes his head at the man. "C'mon, the guard at the back door owes me a favor." He smirks, leading Tristan out of the lounge with their still twined hands and to the stairs, both of them breaking apart as they go down them. Tristan then follows Lance through part of the crowd until they reach the back entrance to the club. Usually only employees can use it, but he did a favor for the guard usually posted there once and now it's time to ask for one back. He catches the guard's eye and gestures to the door and then both Tristan and himself. The man nods once and then steps to the side, letting them slip through. They were in the employee parking lot now. Lance looks around to see if anyone else is around before taking Tristan's hand again, seeing no one but the two of them there.

"You're a favor guy?" Tristan asks him, amused.

Lance looks at him and shrugs. "Are you complaining about me already?" He asks teasingly. As he walks towards the chainlink fence leading into the parking lot everyone else uses.

Tristan gives him a look full of mock-offense. "Oh, I would never."

Lance laughs. "You better not." Tristan steps forward and opens up the door in the fence, letting out a giggle that warms Lance all the way down to his toes. So many new sides he's seeing of the Prince now that neither of them are having to hide.

Tristan holds the door open for Lance, letting him go through before following him and closing the door behind them. "I assume you didn't bring your own car?" Lance asks, an eyebrow raised.

Tristan's cheeks turn slightly pink, like he's embarrassed. "No..." He trails off while giving Lance a sheepish smile. "Guess I really do tend to live up to that "prince" nickname, don't I?"

Lance's brows furrow and he steps forward, bringing his hand to Tristan's cheek. Tristan leans into his touch immediately. "Hey," Lance says seriously. "That's not a bad thing. I happen to really like Prince Tristan, I'll have you know." He smiles softly at the silverette.

The prince's mood lifts immediately. "Good. If you didn't, we'd have a lot of problems." He teases. "Now, I assume unlike me, you do have your own car with you, Sir Lancelot?"

"I do. And my apartment is about 10 minutes away." He leans down closer to Tristan. "And once we get there, we can continue getting to know each other." He says quietly, his voice taking on a huskier tone.

He watches as Tristan visibly shivers, his eyes darkening. "Lead the way." He says just as quietly. And so he does.

His car isn't too difficult to find and the car ride goes by quick. Soon enough, they're making their way down the hall of the 4th floor of Lance's apartment complex, stopping right in front of his door. As he pulls out his keys to unlock the door, Tristan wraps his arms around one of Lance's, leaning into him. He does it much in the same way that Guinevere does, but unlike with her, Lance doesn't mind it one bit. He likes it, even. He swings the door open and lets Tristan go in first, reaching in to turn on the light to his living room as he follows close behind, the door closing behind them.

As soon as Lance places his keys on the hook by the door, Tristan's lips are back on his again. Lance groans as one hand returns to the mass of silver hair on top of the prince's head while the other wraps around his waist and pulls him close. Tristan seems to purr as he wraps his arms around Lance's neck, his hands tangling in the hair at the back of his head. The prince nips at his bottom lip, seeming to demand entrance rather than ask for it, and Lance couldn't say no even if he wanted to. He pulls Tristan as close as he can with their current position, but it's still not enough.

As their tongues roll together and start to explore, Lance moves both of his hands down until he can grab Tristan's ass. Tristan lets out a whine and tugs on Lance's hair harder than he did before. Lance moans as he suddenly pulls up, bringing Tristan with him as he stands to his full height. Tristan wraps his legs around Lance's waist, pulling back from their kiss to start trailing his lips along his jaw and down to his neck, nipping and sucking at each spot his lips touch.

"Marks?" He asks breathlessly, lips moving against Lance's skin.

"You definitely won't hear me complaining." He grunts softly as he squeezes the prince's backside.

"Good." Tristan moans.

He then goes back to what he was doing before, paying extra attention to a spot on Lance's collarbone until Lance is sure he'll have a bruise there for at least a week. Lance moans, one of his hands moving up and under both the shirts Tristan is wearing, his hands sliding over the smooth bare skin of his back and sides. Tristan arches into him, his forehead leaning against Lance's jaw.

"I think now would be a good time to head to your bedroom, yeah?" Tristan asks, pulling back to look at him, bringing a hand to Lance's face and tracing a thumb over his lips.

Lance opens his mouth and nips at the tip of Tristan's thumb, the silverette gasping quietly at the action. "I was just gonna say the same thing." He grins.

"And yet, you're still just standing here." Tristan says with mock exasperation, leaning forward until their lips are grazing.

"So impatient." Lance mumbles playfully before closing the distance between them once again and starting to make his way toward his bedroom, thankfully only stumbling once or twice despite his lack of attention on where his feet were landing.

His bedroom door was already open and he pushed past it, closing it behind him with the weight of his shoulder. He makes his way over to his bed and leans over it until Tristan's back is pressed against his comforter. Tristan relaxes against the bed and Lance pulls away from their kiss in order to move down and suck on the pulse point on his neck. Tristan groans and trails his hands down Lance's sides, running them back up under Lance's shirt. He keeps moving his hands up until Lance has no choice but to stop his assault on the man's neck in order to pull back and let Tristan take his shirt off, the dark red henley being tossed to the floor somewhere.

Lance sits back on his knees, looking down at Tristan. The prince looks absolutely delighted, sitting up until he's also on his knees, trailing his hands up from Lance's stomach all the way up to his chest and shoulders. "What's that look for?" Lance asks him curiously.

Tristan grins. "Oh, nothing. It's just that, I knew you worked out, I just had no idea you worked out this much."

He runs his nails down the abs on Lance's stomach and Lance lets out a long hiss between his teeth. "You been stalking me or somethin'?" He asks as he starts unbuttoning the black dress shirt Tristan is wearing overtop something blue.

"Oh, it doesn't take much to find out, really. The internet really does know everything about you, don't you know?" And then the prince leans forward and wraps his lips around one of Lance's nipples, sucking hard on it.

"Shit." Lance moans in surprise.

Tristan pulls back and lets his now fully unbuttoned shirt fall off his shoulders and down his arms, revealing that the blue underneath is a tanktop. "Well, maybe not everything." He says. "The rest is for me to figure out myself."

Lance pulls the tanktop over the silverette's head, the piece of clothing getting lost along with the rest of them. "You don't seem too bothered by that fact, your majesty." He points out, amused.

Tristan starts planting kisses down the blonde's chest. "The first thing you should know about me, Sir Lancelot, is that I'm always down for a good adventure. Especially if it involves exploring." And then he pushes Lance to the side, making him land back against his pillows.

"That's definitely good to know." Lance grunts as he watches Tristan from his new position, the Prince moving closer.

His mouth goes dry when Tristan's hands immediately go to the button of his jeans, undoing it and pulling the zipper down. And then he slips his fingers underneath the waistband of not just his jeans but his boxers as well and tugs them down, getting them off with only a little help from Lance. Those are also added to the floor and now Lance is completely naked in front of the prince, his cock flushed red and hard against his stomach. Tristan bites his lip as he moves forward and straddles Lance's thighs, reaching down and wrapping his hand around him. Lance groans, bringing his hands up to run them up Tristan's thighs.

The prince pumps his hand along Lance's cock once, twice, then rubs his thumb over the head, precum dribbling out in response to his actions. But Tristan's eyes were on Lance's face, watching his reaction. "You're more reactive than I expected." Tristan admits, his voice husky and thick.

"That a bad thing?" Lance asks, trying to catch the breath that seemed hellbent on leaving him completely.

Tristan lets out a little giggle. "Not at all. The opposite, actually." And then the prince is leaning down, his body sliding down Lance's body slightly, his tongue shooting out and licking up Lance's cock from base to tip in one quick motion.

"Fuck!" Lance's hips buck up as he curses. One of his hands immediately tangles into the prince's hair again as he looks down at him. "You know, you sure do look pretty like that." He admits.

Tristan's eyes shoot up to lock with Lance's, a bright red flush blooming across his face at the compliment. Lance smirks at the obvious effect his words had. Definitely good to know. And then his train of thought completely shatters when Tristan's lips wrap around him, the silver-haired man not holding back one bit as he moves his head further down. Lance lets his head fall back against his pillows as he pulls on Tristan's hair, receiving a moan from the other man that Lance feels more than hears and he returns it with one of his own.

Tristan starts bobbing his head up and down and Lance lets out another curse. "Tristan." He groans out. Hearing his name spill from the blonde's lips seems to be something he greatly enjoys, as it only spurs him on, the man's mouth moving a bit faster now.

Tristan's free hand runs up and down Lance's thigh a few times before stopping to settle on the dip of his hips, running his thumb over the spot in a way that's almost the complete opposite of what his mouth is doing. Lance is panting now, his free hand gripping the fabric underneath him as Tristan continues his ministrations. He was getting close now, eight months worth of built up tension between the two as well as their make out session combined with Tristan's clearly well-practiced mouth on him, it was all too much and he wouldn't last much longer. And then the hand Tristan had on his hip trails up his torso and reaches for one of his nipples, pinching it between two of his fingers at the same time that Tristan stops at the head of his cock and sucks hard on it, and that's all it takes. Lance cries out as he cums, his entire body tensing and his body arching upwards. Tristan hums against him, sucking softer and then stopping completely as Lance's body finally relaxes again.

As Lance's eyes finally open again, Tristan's face is hovering right above his. Lance immediately wraps his arms around the prince's waist as his weight settles over him, his legs on each side of Lance's waist. Tristan slams his lips against Lance's and neither of them have to prompt it this time, their tongues immediately finding each other and Lance realizes that Tristan had saved the taste of him on his tongue, sharing it with Lance now. Lance bites Tristan's lip and then sucks on it slightly as he pulls away, causing him to let out a whimper as his still clothed cock pushes down against the blonde's stomach.

"Do you have lube?" Tristan pants.

"Yeah," He points at the dresser across from the end of his bed. "Top drawer. Condoms in there, too."

Tristan is standing up before he finishes speaking, walking over to the dresser and opening the drawer. Lance sits up and moves back, leaning against his headboard. Tristan quickly finds the bottle of lube and a couple of condoms, taking one of them and tossing both items to Lance as he turns back around, who catches them. Then he unzips his own jeans as he walks back towards the bed, Lance watching him the whole way.

"You look nervous, Lance. Don't tell me you aren't gonna finish what you start." Tristan says with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, I fully intend on seeing this through, don't you worry." He assures before letting a slightly sheepish grin form on his lips. "Just never actually been with a guy before." He says honestly.

Tristan looks genuinely surprised at this, but he recovers quickly, his expression returning to what it was before but with, dare he say it, a hint of affection in his eyes. "Well, I don't think I ever would've guessed." He says, taking a moment to remove the rest of his clothes, leaving himself completely bare as he gets back on the bed. Lance's eyes look over his form, enjoying every single part of the view.

Tristan continues the topic. "But in that case," He says, placing himself in Lance's lap. "I'll just have to teach you a thing or two, won't I, big boy?" He whispers.

Lance swallows thickly, the nickname doing exactly what he's sure it was intended to. "Oh, you're kinky as all hell, aren't you?" He blurts out.

Tristan smirks. "You have no idea."

"Of course. What have I gotten myself into?" Lance asks teasingly.

Tristan lets out that damn giggle again. "The best lay of your life, duh." He rolls his eyes playfully.

"I could say the same to you." It was Lance's turn to smirk now as he grabs Tristan's hips and pulls the two of them flush together, rolling his hips against the silverette's.

Tristan gasps and moans, mimicking the motion. "Clearly you're ready to go again." He comments.

"With someone as stunning as you in my lap, how could I not be?" Lance questions.

That wonderful flush comes back, turning his already pink cheeks into a bright red. His expression turns into that same shy one as before and he doesn't respond, instead reaching out besides him, bringing his hand back between them, the lube now in it. "Gimme your hand." He tells him quietly, clearing his throat right after.

Lance holds back a snicker and does what he says, holding his hand out to him, palm facing up. Tristan holds his hand in place, leaving his fingers out and his palm empty. He flicks open the cap on the lube and turns it over, squeezing some of it into Lance's hand before closing it and tossing it onto the bedside table closest to them.

"Now," Tristan starts, dipping two of his fingers into the lube and then trailing them along Lance's fingers, slowly spreading the liquid. "I suppose it's not too different from fingering a girl. But boys don't have g-spots or a-spots or anything like that. There's just the-"

"The prostate, right?" Lance interrupts.

Tristan continues his slow covering of Lance's hands with the lube as he looks at him his head tilted and eyes amused, just as Lance's are. "Yes, that's correct. However, I would appreciate it if you raised your hand next time, Mr. Antin." Tristan scolds jokingly.

"My apologies, Mr. Liones." Lance jokes back.

Tristan gives him a small smile. "Yes, the prostate. It's not always the easiest to reach, but trust me, you'll know once you've found it. Okay?"

"Okay. I think I can handle that." Lance says, looking down at their hands as Tristan pushes the rest of the lube onto his fingers and intertwines his own fingers with Lance's, using it as a way to spread the lube the rest of the way over his hand.

"Good." And then he catches Lance's eyes and starts guiding Lance's hand down and around his back, moving down until he's pressing the tip of one of Lance's fingers to his entrance. "Start with one finger. Go slow at first." He instructs quietly, biting his lip yet again.

Lance keeps his eyes trained on Tristan's face as he slowly pushes his finger up and into him. The prince gasps softly, both of his hands coming up to grab hold of Lance's shoulders. He keeps pushing his finger in slowly, all the way to his knuckle. Then he pulls it out just as slowly, before repeating the process a second time. Tristan's lips part in a silent gasp, his entire body starting to quiver.

Lance pushes his finger into him a third time. "You doing okay?" He questions uncertainly.

Tristan nods quickly. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. It's just been awhile." He admits.

Lance nods as well in response, his hesitation gone. They stay like that for a few more minutes, Lance keeping his same slow pace, before he decides to speed up a little bit. Tristan groans, leaning forward and kissing over Lance's shoulder until he reaches the junction between his shoulder and neck, working on adding another mark to the blonde's skin.

After a few more thrusts of his finger, Tristan starts rolling his hips back to meet him halfway. "You can add another finger now." Tristan breathes, sucking on the spot right below his ear. Lance does just that, pulling his finger out and going back in with two. He reaches for Tristan's chin and tilts his head up so that Tristan is looking at him again. His eyes are cloudy with pleasure, his lips are chapped and swollen, his face is flushed red, and his hair is already an absolute mess. He looks incredible.

"Hey there, gorgeous." He says softly. The red on the prince's face darkens, just as Lance expects it to.

"You know, if you're already trying to g-get a second night," He rocks his hips back onto Lance's fingers with a moan. "It's w-working." He informs him.

"Is that so? Is Prince Tristan really that easy?" He wonders teasingly.

Tristan moves his hips faster and Lance speeds up to match his pace. "Oh, not at all. O-only for y-you." He says matter-of-factly.

"Well, I'm honored." Lance replies, watching Tristan in wonder. The other man is now riding his fingers and gripping his shoulders tightly, and when Lance adds a third finger, he lets out a low hiss.

"Ooohhhh, yes." The word is drawn out as the silverette's head falls back, his face towards the ceiling. And then Lance pushes up right as Tristan comes down and the prince cries out, his nails digging into Lance's shoulder.

"R-right there, you f-found it." Tristan gasps out.

Lance repeats his actions, then, making sure he keeps the same angle and pushes just as deep as before. The man on top of him pants and squirms as he keeps meeting his fingers. "S-so good. Ngh, you're so g-good." He praises.

Lance keeps on hitting his prostate, watching as Tristan becomes a wanton mess of pants and whines. Lance feels his own body shaking with need, the sight Tristan makes very quickly becoming the only one he ever wants to see. None of his past sex partners could ever even compare to the man with long, silver hair and blue and green eyes crumbling right before his eyes. If something were to interrupt them right now, he doesn't think he'd even care. If the world started to end right outside his window, he'd never even notice. His eyes are unable to look anywhere else but right at Tristan.

"H-hey, Lance?"

"Yeah?" Tristan is looking at Lance again now.

"I n-need you inside m-me. Right n-now. P-please." He urges pleadingly.

"Don't need to tell me twice." Lance groans, pulling his fingers out of him, causing him to whimper at the loss. The blonde reaches beside him to grab the condom off the bed. He tears it open and tosses the packaging onto his bedside table, rolling the latex over his now aching cock.

He looks back up at Tristan. "Where do you wanna be?" He asks him.

"Just right here, sir." Tristan says, looking at him through his lashes just like he did earlier that night, and his cock twitches, a wave of heat spreading over his entire body. Oh. Oh. Putting that away to figure out later.

"Works for me." Lance says, his words a bit shaky. He runs his hands down Tristan's back and over the curve of his ass, squeezing and then pulling him up.

Tristan falls forward against his chest with a gasp, reaching down to grab Lance's cock and line it up with his own entrance. "Ready when you are." He says breathlessly.

Without responding, Lance slowly pulls Tristan back down. The head of his cock pushes its way into him and the prince shudders against him as they both let out a long moan. Tristan inches his way down onto Lance's cock until he's fully seated before he stops, giving them both a moment to adjust and get used to the feeling. Lance, needing something to do with his hands, reaches in-between them to wrap his hand around Tristan's neglected cock. It's bright red and leaking, precum dripping onto Lance's stomach.

Tristan's hips buck slightly as the blonde pumps his fist a few times. "Fuck."

"I agree." Lance rasps, flicking his eyes between what his hand is doing and the expressions on Tristan's face.

Tristan's hands come up to cup the sides of Lance's face and he leans forward to connect their lips, the kiss slow and deep. Lance returns it without hesitation, bringing his free hand up to slide across his cheek and into his hair. Their tongues slide against each other and for a moment, Lance gets lost in the kiss. And then Tristan starts to move on top of him and he nearly chokes.

"Oh." Lance moans as Tristan pulls himself up slightly and then back down again, repeating the motion but moving higher as he does. "Oh, fuck."

"Been awhile for you, too, huh?" Tristan asks in a strained voice, going for teasing but it's half-hearted.

"Something like that." Lance replies, only partly paying attention.

Tristan kisses his jaw. "Well you better not make me do all the work." He remarks.

"Wasn't planning on it. Just letting you set the pace." Lance swipes his thumb over the head of Tristan's cock as he speaks.

"The pace I'd like to set is you fucking me." He groans out.

Lance breathes out a small laugh. "Your wish is my command, your majesty."

Lance takes his hand that's between them and wraps it around Tristan's waist, holding him close as he pulls on the silverette's hair hard enough to tilt his head back. As he trails kisses down his neck, he starts thrusting up into him, each thrust building up to a steady pace. Tristan wraps his arms around Lance's back, his nails digging into the backs of his shoulders. Lance mouths along Tristan's collarbone and down his chest, the prince's hands sliding up and into his hair as his head moves down. The blonde flattens his tongue over one of Tristan's nipples before sucking on it, his teeth grazing it slightly.

"S-shit, keep doing that." Tristan demands, his hands pulling at Lance's hair as he moves against him. Lance does as he's told, switching to the other nipple and doing the same thing to it a few times before pulling away. He leans back and slides down the headboard slightly, allowing him to change the angle of his hips slightly. On his next thrust up, he pushes in deeper and hits that same spot as before, his prostate.

"Ah, fuck! Lance!" Tristan nearly sobs, his forehead pressing into Lance's, their lips grazing with every pant and moan.

"Fuck, Tris." Lance growls, picking up his pace as he keeps that same angle. He was getting close again and he could tell that Tristan was nearly there as well. The man looked absolutely wrecked and Lance wanted nothing more than to see him completely fall apart above him.

"You're close, aren't you?" Lance asks him.

"So close." Tristan gasps, bouncing on his lap.

Lance speeds up, pounding up into him. "Yeah?" He reaches between them and grabs his cock again, pumping his fist in time with his thrusts. "You gonna cum with me, baby?"

"Ngh, yes. Gods, yes." Tristan whines loudly.

"Good." Lance grunts.

The two of them are moving together in sync and after a few more thrusts, they both come undone with a shout of each other's name, Lance forcing his eyes to stay open through his orgasm so that he can watch Tristan. The prince's eyes are squeezed shut tightly, his mouth open in a silent cry and he's gripping onto Lance hard enough to leave bruises in his skin, not that he's complaining. His entire body is tensed up, much like Lance's own, and his back is arched. Once function starts to return to his body, he gives a few more soft thrusts as they slowly come down from their high.

"Shit." Tristan curses shakily under his breath. Lance doesn't respond. Instead, he connects their lips in a quick, rough kiss, despite the lack of oxygen in their lungs currently.

They both pull back again as Tristan slowly lifts himself up and off of Lance's now softening cock. Lance pulls the condom off of himself carefully and ties it, placing it in it's previous packaging and then throwing it away in the small trashcan beside his bed. Tristan reaches down and grabs something off of the floor and when he sits back up, Lance sees that it's the blue tank top he was wearing earlier. He uses it to wipe his own cum off both of their torsos and then Lance takes it from him and tosses the shirt in the direction of his laundry basket.

Lance lifts his hips up in order to tug the comforter free from beneath him, the both of them adjusting until they can get underneath the covers. Tristan gives Lance a kiss that's slow and sweet before settling with his head against the blonde's chest and his arms wrapped around his waist. Lance wraps his own arms around the prince and their legs tangle together. He runs his hand through Tristan's hair a few times and the silverette makes a happy little sound as he leans into the touch, causing Lance to lean down and kiss the top of his head. Both of them are exhausted, and soon enough, they're drifting off into a deep sleep.

~*~

A/N: How was it??? Please tell me your thoughts, I love hearing them sm!!!! I'm super happy with how this chapter came out and I hope you guys are, too!!!

Do you want me to continue this as a series?? If so, what would you guys like to see in this AU going forward?? What situations would you wanna see?? What would you want me to focus on?? Etc.??

UPDATE: I will be continuing this series!!! But please do let me know what kinds of other things you’d like to see in this AU going forward and I’ll do my best to make it happen (As long as the story allows, ofc)!!!

~*~

Tags:

@darkelf-7

[Lemme know if you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series and any other stories relating to it!!!]

[homerforsure]

one line, any fic

rules: pick ten of your fics, scroll to somewhere midpoint, pick a line chunk and share it, and then tag ten people.

Tagged by: @gayhoediaz, @mellaithwen, @princessfbi, @renecdote, @nymika-arts, @rewritetheending, @thekristen999 Thank you!

I'm picking the 10 fics with the least number of hits. Not because I think they're, like, slept on masterpieces or anything. It just makes things easier for me and maybe you'll see something you haven't before.

you can think you're in love when you're really just in pain

“We could leave it all on the table and just graze as we go? I really wanted to have more done by now. You think your sister could have picked a better time to come back from the dead.”

sometimes the shadows burn too bright

He’ll never do it if he knows that Eddie’s dreaming about dead teenagers and how their blood turns to Buck’s blood every time and Eddie’s entire body screams to reach for him, but he never can.

but i called from the dark and you picked up the phone

Lightning flickers in different corners of the sky, seven, eight separate pulses. Like a memory game where someone might ask him to remember what color, what order, what corner. It’s almost, well, not pretty, but mesmerizing. Hard to look away.

sunlight through the haze

“I’m going to hug you now, okay?” Buck says and Eddie laughs again, holding his arms open so Buck can step in and wrap his arms around him. Eddie responds easily, indulging Buck, but when Buck doesn’t let go, something changes. A little bit of the tension that’s been making its home in Eddie melts away and Eddie lets out a slow, shaky exhale, squeezing Buck tight.

Mr. Saturday Night Special

Through gritted teeth, Nick said, “This table is full up. So you’re just gonna take a little walk back here with me-” He pushed Buck backward with only the suggestion of pressure on his throat, angling him toward the next table up in their line and walking Buck right up to the chair there until his legs collided with it and he want down- “And sit by yourself like a big boy. Is that clear?”

and if you swear that you're alright, i'm not gonna try and change your mind

There’s a part of him that’s on fire. Screaming in the dark because everything is wrong and it’s been wrong for so long and if it’s not his fault why does he feel like none of it would be happening if he was just better? Buck feels distant from everything. Maddie across the country. Eddie throwing his hands up like a force field to keep Buck from getting too close with his messy, raw emotions. He feels distant from himself. Sad and broken and scared and pretending not to be. Buck’s scared all the damn time. One more foundation-rattling shake is going to crumble him to pieces.

love me back to life

His eyes slipping closed, Eddie tipped his face up to the ceiling, something like beatification in his expression as he held himself still until he got comfortable. Held himself still for Buck who wouldn’t forgive himself if Eddie was hurt.

all tomorrows come from yesterdays

Picking at the label on his bottle, Buck says, “I don’t know. All I ever seem to do is fuck it up. Maybe… Maybe I just need to give up on all that, you know? Focus on work. Focus on my friends. Leave the romance to somebody else.”

in case of emergency

Letting terrible hypothetical scenarios play out in all their terribleness is a fun game that Frank likes to play now and again. Sending Eddie into his own mental Dark Side Cave like some cardigan-wearing Yoda. They can be exhausting sessions where Eddie finally pulls on a thorn that’s been in his side, that he’s been ignoring every time it aches, and draws it all the way out to see how deep it goes.

if the world should turn too fast, i'll slow it down for you

He thinks that maybe Eddie doesn’t know that part yet. There’s a place inside him where being given everything he wants feels like taking something he doesn’t deserve. Like he can have this, can have them, but only if he remembers his place.

I think probably everyone who wants to play already has and I know I missed a bunch of posts so sorry if any of these are doubles! Tagging: @littlespoonevan, @kitkatpancakestack, @evanbucxley, @merriestdiaz, @clusterbuck, @starlingbite, @lovebuck and YOU, if you want to play!

[playerprophet]

Dear Yuletide Santa 2024

Hello Santa! I'm sorry I'm late with my letter. Everything happens so much. I signed up to get my foot in the door and I didn't manage to post this before the draw. I'm sorry!

I'll keep things simple.

Do Not Wants: Omegaverse, AUs that fundamentally change the canon (I do like canon divergence), PWP.

Do want: Mission Fic, PINING, angst.

I like happy endings but it's best if it takes a lot to earn it. Don't give it to me for free!

THE SILVER CASE

SUMIO AND KUSABI

I'm a bit obsessed with this relationship. Just about anything with them will make me happy. I like to read by the canon that Kusabi is in love with Sumio, although whether it is mutual doesn't matter, and Kusabi might not even admit it, so romance is optional. (I actually like to think that, based on the canon, Sumio must have rejected Kusabi after Flower, Sun and Rain... presuming of course that Sumio Mondo is Sumio Kodai. Kusabi definitely seemed ready to say how he felt. I'd love to read that fic, if you'd like to write it.)

Mission/case fic is always my favorite, and it's easy to utilize when the characters are cops, if you so choose. If you'd like to spend time with other characters in the tag set as well, I would love that. Also happy to see any other characters in general, and I would also love any overlap with the other Kill the Past games.

MOBILE SUIT GUNDAM

CHAR AND AMURO

I'm copying this from last year's yuletide letter because it basically sums up my desires. My knowledge of Gundam is very limited, but I'd love someone who knows it better than I do to really flex here.

Please please please give me the Amuro/Char ship fic of my dreams. Or, alternatively, the hatefic of my dreams. Or just 1000 words of a very spicy interaction. I watched the OG Gundam recently and was very depressed to find the AO3 pickings for this pair were disappointing. I've seen Zeta and Char's Counterattack as well so feel free to use that info and if you go further than that I won't understand the references but please have fun. I am too excited to even think of prompts.

Perhaps they meet up somewhere at precisely the wrong place at precisely the wrong time? Perhaps it's the opposite and they become unlikely allies? Maybe they get stuck in an elevator together? I think the keyword between these two is "friction" and sparks fly, but not necessarily in a good way. I think their relationship is juiciest in the CA/Zeta era but I don't care where in the timeline you put it. Please harness your own internal burning fujoshi soul and have fun and I'll love it. Noncon and dubcon scenarios may be interesting to explore here, if that's something that would interest you.

FINAL FANTASY VI

LOCKE AND TERRA

This is actually where I DON'T want romance, though I feel like their relationship could turn on an axis where it could feel that way. I think I just clock Terra as aroace, though she seems interested in romance. I don't think she'd have the words for these things, but Locke seems to have the emotional IQ not to push her.

I like to think that Locke treasures her, more like a little sister. He means it when he says nothing will happen to her, but he is also the man who, when the world ended, gave up hope on everyone immediately and went off in search of something to fix the FIRST girl he failed to protect. But that's irrelevant (unless it interests you?).

I find stuff that explores the world of ruin VERY interesting. Maybe you could even just ruminate on the place of one or the other there. No other characters are off the table, as long as Locke or Terra are the primary focus. Getting stuck together to complete a task (like their adventure to Thamasa) would be great. Maybe Locke gives her a lecture on how maybe she'll find someone or maybe she won't and it would be fine either way. Maybe Terra gets him to confess to things he wouldn't tell anyone else. Please have fun with this!

[vwritesawholelothm]

Here’s a totally random prompt I’m sending because I know I’m gonna get my cycle soon and I’ve never been a fan of cycle fics but I’m oddly interested in seeing Toradeen deal with them.

You can totally say no to this one if you don’t want to. Id get it. I mean dysphoria hell am I right.

But like. Idk. Just was thinking of a thing where Toraleis in class and she suddenly gets her period (fuck would Werecats get that? 99% of me is writing no in any other fics I write cause I don’t think cats get periods? Idk anyway). But like. She runs to the bathroom but like. She’s kinda stranded like she doesn’t have any supplies and she gets super overwhelmed cause she’s missing class and she can’t really go anywhere without like a pad or something. And she’s probably super mega embarrassed as well. So she like. Through tears, texts Clawdeen that she needs her help and where she is.

you better BELIEVE Clawdeen enters that bathroom like a lady night in shining armor. I swear I could see her in like. A full out tactical vest filled to the brim with different pads and tampons. She also brought a pair of underwear and a skirt Toralei low key left in her room. (Doesn’t have to be smexy. Just could be they keep some spare clothes in each others dorms cause of a lot of sleepovers)

She also brings Advil. A blanket. A mug of Vanilla chai tea with cinnamon. A menstrual cup in case she didn’t want pads or tampons. And like. Three more extra boxes of different brands of pads and tampons cause she didn’t know which brand she wants.

Toralei is of course embarrassed and low key crying a little but Clawdeen is the sweetest little wolfie girlfriend and wipes her tears and and tells her it is NOT embarrassing and helps her change into clean clothes and puts the ruined clothes into a plastic bag wish the promise they will be returned stain free by tomorrow. (Draculaura has magic sksks and she’ll obviously lie and say it was her. Drac might be a little suspicious cause the skirt had like cat scratch marks. But she won’t comment).

She gives Tora a moment of privacy to get things in order with the mountain of cycle supplies she brought. And then after she immediately wraps her in a blanket. Shoves the mug of tea into her hands. Hands her a tuna cookie. Then hands her the advil. She then reveals a whole ass wagon she managed to get from somewhere. Which is layered with blankets and pillows. And she pulls Toralei in the comfy wagon all the way to Clawdeens room where she gives her all the snuggles in the world. (She also tells her she was excused from the rest of her classes that day. She had mentioned a little emergency to Bloodgood aka Toraleis mommy and she had given the A ok)

Toralei is so greatful and honestly a little overwhelmed and confused. Cause she knows that if she had to or ever had to text her mom for help like this it would have been met with a lot of anger on her moms part. Like. She would have come. But would have made her wait hours and then humiliate her on the way back saying she shouldn’t get accidents like that. (Cause she’s a total bitch and clearly ignoring how cycles could come at literally any time sometimes without notice).

Clawdeen first curses Catarina out. Then states that there is nothing embarrassing with what happened. And that she is always more than welcome to help her with whatever cycle problems she has. (As toralei would do for her). And idk. Then they just snuggle a shit ton.

WOW OMG WAS THAT A WHOLE FIC WITHOUT THUNDER ANGST??? Must be a world record

Fandom: Monster High (Cartoon 2022) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Toralei Stripe/Clawdeen Wolf Characters: Toralei Stripe, Clawdeen Wolf, Meowlody (Monster High), Purrsephone (Monster High) Additional Tags: Menstruation, Comfort, First Crush, Sickfic, of a sort, Fluff, Domestic Fluff Summary: Toralei accidentally texts Clawdeen for help, even though she would've preferred (almost) anyone else.

[i-cast-teatus-deletus]

Part 0 - Blind Spots

These aren't "disclaimers" or anything, just stuff that you need to keep in mind as you read along with this blog. Every one of these facts should be appended at the end with, "so if you are not in the situation, you may need to do something different than what we are doing."

I will probably keep adding to this list as I think of more things that might need mentioned here.

We are, unfortunately, USAmericans

We own our home

Our house is always chilly, even in summer

We deliberately picked a house that is in-town (albeit a smallish Appalachian town) so we don't drive far for groceries, the pharmacy, etc

One of the guys has his own bedroom, and the other one shares it with me

We have people living in our home who are 100% on board to help with aftercare stuff, including someone who works from home.

We are all moderately handy with medical/home care stuff, are not squeamish, and are able to do all of those tasks safely and hygienically

We don't have kids. Our pets consist of two adult cats and some fish.

We don't have to travel extensively for consults or for surgery (probably 90-120 mins each way for everything)

Both guys are moderately skilled at sewing, and we own a mid-tier sewing machine. The one guy sewed his own dress for his senior prom, which was a big fluffy 18th century-inspired thing with a crinoline. There's a few things we intend to sew rather than buy, especially a Comfort Pillow since it's basically just a long rectangle. (I suggested somewhere to buy a pattern and got "I don't need a pattern for that, it's a pillow.")

We intend to keep the overwhelming majority of the items we are purchasing even after both surgeries are done (because we will end up having injuries or surgeries we didn't anticipate and most of this stuff is nice for recovering from other issues as well). Some of it may end up being repurposed or converted into something else (see the previous point ), but we intend to sell or give away very little. It's the other reason we're doing this much research.

We already own a shower chair (though we're actively looking for a nicer one), which you should consider getting if you're able to. We also already have a 7" Squatty Potty on each of the toilets in the house already (which you also definitely consider if you don't have one)

We desperately want natural fabrics (cotton, linen, silk) and are willing to pay more to get pajamas and shirts that aren't polyester.

We are not deeply concerned if something is Men's Clothing or Women's Clothing, and that extends to not just brand/size but color, cut, etc.

The guys both have short (ear-length or shorter) hair and intend to keep it at least that short into the future. My goal is to get them haircuts in the week before surgery, and if they want to go even SHORTER for recovery, I will not stop them.

I am going to be washing their hair/helping them wash their hair after surgery and we have a decent-ish spot in the house to do so.

Both guys in question are FOR SURE getting double incision surgery due to the amount of tissue that will need to be removed.

None of us are religious and have a pretty big aversion to Christianity in general (which may not sound relevant, but try looking for literally anything on Pinterest written by someone who isn't a loud and proud evangelical Christian)

And, while we're listing things to keep in mind, I'll just add these here too:

I use top surgery resources specifically for people who are trans pretty much interchangeably with mastectomy resources for cis women. Obviously, if you don't want to hear about cis women having mastectomies (even if they have info I thought was useful and have already been vetted by someone who isn't cis for offputting female-centric content), do not click on them. I will do my absolute best to tag them [#mastectomy resources for cis women] and mention it in the text of the post as well in case tagging fails. The primary thing to keep in mind about mastectomy resources for cis women is that a mastectomy on a cis woman is a MUCH more invasive surgery (often with multiple additional steps depending on how much tissue is being removed, what kind of reconstruction, etc.), so the recovery at roughly every stage is about double the length of top surgery and that's assuming there's no complications. It's nice to see what they needed for their 8-10 week layup with similar restrictions, but I think it would be easy to overbuy if you use them exclusively since you will be actually laid up for a substantially shorter length of time.

I'm currently tagging general surgery resources with [#general surgery resources] and mentioning they are not top surgery specific resources in the text of the post. Although I've read them over before posting them, general surgery resources may and probably will give advice that conflicts with advice a top surgeon (or your top surgeon in particular) would give.

I am currently unsure what surgery goals are for the guys after top surgery, but I'll likely continue to do similar stuff for hysto/whatever else if they decide to do it.

While "top surgery shopping with a goal of having the MOST ethical top surgery recovery" is certainly someone's goal, it's not the goal of our recovery or blog. There's NO ethical consumption under capitalism, and I am trying desperately to maximize my purchasing power. So, I have bought stuff for this blog on Amazon and Sam's Club, and will probably continue to do so if their prices are dramatically better for the items I'm after.

[aspd-culture]

The obsession with how people work is pretty frequent in ASPD (we tend to like psychology and sociology bc it’s much more interesting when your brain processes it from a more outside perspective rather than “of course yeah everyone does that” but that goes for autism too probably), but the others are possible special interests? But I question the autism personally because his issue is never in understanding social constructs, social rules, etc. the way that autistic people often do, even in this scene he’s upset that this kid can avoid all the social dances he despises because of not understanding them while House is forced to follow them because he doesn’t have that kind of excuse. Also he doesn’t appear to have any sensory issues at all during the show that I recall. That wipes out two pretty big diagnostic blocks. If he’s autistic it’s definitely a different end of the spectrum than I’m used to.

I’d have to dig for the exact episode but it happens within the arc (spoilers!!!!) where he is sent to the psychiatric facility and then to mandatory therapy. During that at some point he is referred to as “antisocial” and I think having “antisocial traits” specifically. These are medical terms that especially in a specialized psychiatric facility, they wouldn’t use callously where they mean cruel or asocial, so we can safely assume they mean ASPD.

His own colleagues definitely call him a sociopath at least a time or two, and they are also very well trained in recognizing psychiatric issues due to their line of work requiring frequent differentials of psych disorders (which you know if you’ve seen the show but this also gives context to readers who may not have). It’s unlikely - especially given that they do a mediocre “sociopath” episode (except she wasn’t really bc it’s never Lupus so to speak) - that they’d have misused that term for him when they clearly know what it means. He even struggles in that episode with wondering if he’s more like her than he’d want to admit. In general I don’t recall illnesses being used erroneously as insults anywhere in the show unless the person they’re speaking about has those things except by Dr. House himself.

And then there’s the big two things that say ASPD vs Autism for me - firstly that House is seen heavily researching what’s “wrong” with him in little bits and pieces if you’re looking for it. These are often written off as one liners or in the background but it’s there. He actively wants to know what is causing him to behave in ways he doesn’t like and can’t seem to control. If he was autistic, he’d likely have found that out by now. He even considers it himself with the boy who gives him the (PSP I think? Maybe Vita?? That thing) which might be this episode, but turns back on it deciding it didn’t fit quite right. You could definitely read this as him not wanting to admit it to himself, but if he truly felt it fit then I’d assume over the course of the series when he clearly wants to get better, he’d have taken that knowledge and either tried to treat it or very possibly even used it as an excuse for his behavior.

And secondly returns to his time in the psychiatric facility. They would, in my opinion, absolutely have diagnosed him as autistic if that were the case. It would have been equally “good TV” to watch House go through ABA as it would have been for him to go through therapy and antidepressants, so there was no reason for him not to. This would have given him access to the “insanity defense” later on as well, which he doesn’t get and is not something pwASPD can use despite having a severe mental disorder that causes our symptoms which is what that is supposed to be for. It just doesn’t work for us bc of the stigma. I believe it does have precedent to work for some autistic people though.

I have another post that goes in depth on this somewhere I think. I’ll see if I can find it and tag you if I can. It’s super interesting (me, a special interest in “abnormal” and disordered psychology?? Prove it!/j) imo to see how a very possibly unintentional at first well written pwASPD was shown to the masses but truly it might also have been the intention the entire time. There have been a couple papers published I’ve found on the internet discussing House’s evident ASPD but they are pay to read and I can smell the risk of ableism with the last two seasons all the way over here so I refuse to touch those until I’m ready for them.

"house isint autistic" WHATS THIS THEN????