#might add more stuff as months pass but these have been really impactful changes and I'm glad I made them :))

[megumi-fm]

☆ little changes in my routine with big positive impacts ☆

sleep schedule: after years of trying to make the regular 10pm-6am sleep cycle work for me, I have decided to stop. time is a construct and there is no reason to sleep or wake up at 'conventional time' if my body clock is different. recently I've been going to bed at around 12:30pm/1:00am and I wake up at around 7:30am- which seems to be my body wake time. because of this, I wake feeling refreshed although I'm getting lesser hours of sleep. in fact, I wake up before my alarm rings on most days, and it's always a joy to learn that I get to spend ten more minutes in bed before my clock rings xD

night showers: another thing that has greatly helped my sleep is taking a shower a bit before bed. I find it really calming and as a way of actively processing the day and clearing my head before going to bed. I can also skip morning showers on days I need to get to work early. Plus, clean clothes and clean sheets help me sleep better. the only disadvantage to this is that I'm a shower singer and I tend to get in the feels and belt out notes to my favourite songs, which I can't do anymore considering the fact that my shower is around 11am and I shouldn't be disturbing the neighbors :P

switching out social media: deleting social media apps was the easy part. the real challenge was trying to find things to do in those spark moments of boredom when I find myself on the phone. I tried reading ebooks, but I wasn't able to focus. so I started bookmarking links I find interesting so that I can check them out whenever I get the urge to doomscroll. a lot of studyblr link cool videos or articles on their dop posts often, but most of my links come from the Tom Scott Newsletter. unlike the tiredness that comes with doomscrolling, I always feel refreshed and smarter when I use my phone lately. the urge to use my phone has weaned off as well.

digital journaling: when I first started journaling several years ago, it just did not work for me. I think I was more focused on writing everything in a certain way and implementing trackers and spreads that weren't functional for me. but I switched to notion for the past few months and stripped down the journalling process to it's bare essentials. I add a to-do list for the day, a cute picture I either took or found on the internet, and a note on how my day went and how I felt. there's also a checkbox for sleep, water, and exercise. sometimes I add notes on stuff I watch or read, but for the most part it's just this. it takes me just 15min, and I can update it as and when I like because of the phone app, and it helps me stay productive and motivated for the whole day. sometimes I embed gifs of my fav blorbos and go on about them 🤭

[nebris]

Mass Democracy Has Failed [reposted from Oct 26th, 2008]

[I have come to the conclusion that I should just repost this quarterly] ..this is a comment I made in a friends LJ.. "I have come to the conclusion that The Great Experiment of Mass Democracy has failed. It has taken me a few decades to be willing to admit such an outcome, but it has been driven home to me over the past half dozen years. You've known me long enough to be fully aware that Politics to me is like Sports for most American males. I eat, breathe, and sleep the stuff, have done so since I was a kid, and these days I can do that 24/7/365. But even with that capacity and inclination, modern society and civilization and all of its myriad mechanisms is still too much for even someone like me to keep track of in an effective fashion. The 'average citizen' is then far more lost in, and overwhelmed by, these things, even those who share my inclinations, and there ain't all that many of those. Joe Bageant's Anonymous Political Consultant said here; “The mastery of the political right over the past thirty years has been primarily to better understand the irrational factors in politics. Conservatives have always understood that when it comes to politics, people rarely act in their rational self-interest but instead on emotion, fears and the perception of their interests.” Most people do not want to wake up, especially here in The Republic. Too fucking scary. And a fair number of those are in fact constitutionally incapable of waking at all. Another type of social order is needed. What that new construct might be is now the responsibility of the Aware Individual." ...I ended there, but kept thinking about this... Participatory democracy does not seem to work when the citizen base gets beyond five or ten thousand. At that point 'political mechanisms' seem to grow almost organically and began to remove the process from the reach of 'the average citizen'. The increase in social complexity creates the Political Specialist. Add Economic and Technological Systems, and 'the average citizen' is finished ...except as a Cipher for Those Who Rule. However, any discussion of 'qualifying' the Franchise brings howls of rage and, given past performance, rightly so. But should not the electorate of such a powerful nation as this be required to meet some Standard beyond accident of birth? Should not 'the average citizen' be required to pass something like The Naturalization Test our new citizens must take before being entrusted with a Vote? It's really not that hard a test...if you have a fucking brain in your head. Of course, I'm not holding my breath in that matter. But I am pursuing a Course of Action. In the long term, my own personal belief on where we need to go is to use a version of Heinlein's Federal Service Model as a transition to a society that is some combination of the two cultures Peter Hamilton calls Edenism and Adamism. I suspect we'll get a bit closer to the latter. The above set of paths are templates I propose for the path of The Temple in this matter. Of course, I know things will shift and change. One of the most interesting things I've read in the last few years came from William Gibson, Godfather of Cyberpunk. He was amazed that in his very prophetic novel Neuromancer, he had completely overlooked the potential impact of cellphones, totally dropped the ball on the subject. I take his revelation to heart, both as a writer and as Her Prophet. For those that dismiss this as mere 'sci-fi thinking', please note you happen to be reading this on The Internet and probably own one of those pesky cellphones, too. Science Fiction is Right Now. Note on March 28th, 2010: The events of the last seventeen months have done nothing but re-enforced the conclusions I reached above.

[kariachi]

Okay y’all, it’s the big day. The latest of the Ben 10 movies, after which I will be fully caught up on the franchise and can unblacklist it finally because two days is too damn much already.

I’m going in with, pretty much no info? I’ve watched one trailer, don’t even know if there’s more, and gotten hints of spoilers. Enough to worry for my son but not enough to actually know anything. Which, given Kevin is about all I care about, tells you some of how I feel going into this. Am crossing my fingers and hoping this ends with him in a really good space and having nothing to do with Phil because I have been worrying about that since I learned he would be in this.

Don’t trust that man as far as my piddly arms could throw him and anyway I don’t want Kevin anywhere near any part of the Forever Dipshit unless he’s actively dismantling the fucker. Asshole deserves to get turned into a toaster. Haven’t heard any ‘oh your reaction is going to be fun’ sort’ve stuff from anybody, so fingers crossed.

But, we can’t know anything until we get into it, so, Ben 10 Versus The Universe.

An hour 12 minutes, yeah it looks like my initial estimate might be accurate. I will be here the entire damn day.

Ooo, it’s own intro, very nice.

Okay, 1) like that intro, very much in the style of the other series and I like that about it. 2) Spent it wondering if they were going to include Kevin in the rogue’s gallery runthrough and instead it literally ends with the Tennysons and Kevin in the Rustbucket, Kevin being his normal little shit self.

Maybe watching this when I was on the rag was a bad idea because y’all I am already in tears he’s enjoying himself so much. My precious son. Gods I love him.

Can I just sit on this frame for an hour, would that count? Can fill the time with telling you how much I love my son.

Ben 10 Versus The Universe: The Movie (The Game: The Gameshow: The TV Series)

They brought in fucking everybody for this. Kelly is at the bottom of the list but I am putting my trust in her. Seriously y’all I am so happy with her work on this show, I knew the reboot was going to be good as soon as I learned she was going to be working on it, she is a delight.

Okay, actual show, apparently we’re starting at what looks like a small base. I don’t know for what. it looks like they want me to think it’s military but also yeah no. The pool is throwing me off the most, I think. I mean wtf?

Oh look, Smythe shit. A steam-powered airship-zeppelin. And Ben as Heatblast handling the situation, as one does.

Ben is so tired. He needs a vacation from this vacation so damn bad. Somebody else handle the villains so he can get like, two weeks to actually relax.

Ah, it’s an industrial server farm. I don’t know enough about those or if it’s even a thing to give an opinion. Smythe wants it gone though, to the shock of nobody.

He wasn’t to wipe out telecommunications so we’re left with telephones as our most advanced mode of conversation.

Ben, meanwhile, is asleep. Can’t blame him.

Ben is bored. This shit is like clockwork, he could probably save the day in his sleep at this point. Especially from Smythe.

“I’m not even breaking a sweat, and I’m on fire!”

Ben saves the day, hardly even has to try (pretty much doesn’t) and in the end even Smythe has to agree this is getting repetitive.

Huh, Max and Gwen were in the doom-ball.

Max and Gwen are not impressed with Ben having been bored while they were under the threat of danger. Ben has the very valid point that they really weren’t at any risk, even if they were in a mine.

Max, while talking about staying ready for the unexpected, gets a phonecall.

Ben: “Bet you anything it’s Phil. He’s got some big emergency and we’ve gotta go somewhere and look at something.” Gwen: “You don’t have to be so smug. Not everything is a dire situation.” Max: “It’s Phil, we gotta go to his lab and look at something. He says it’s pretty dire.” Ben: “Like clockwork.”

Honestly I’d be bored too. This is why they needed to add Argit, something to mix things up, change up the style.

Unfortunately I didn’t get any ‘your reaction is gonna be so fun’ messages so I don’t think we’re getting Argit. But hopefully, given space and Kevin are involved, we will receive an opening for later Argitness.

Hello Phil. I still don’t trust you. You have been nothing but vaguely suspicious shit on top of vaguely suspicious shit every since the season 1 finale and with your history in the other series? Where you were a dipshit from the word go? I wouldn’t leave you alone with a beanbag chair.

Ben, not taking shit seriously, Gwen unimpressed, Phil stating that actually it may be the end of the world. Honestly fuck it save the children let it die. The reboot sequels can be Ben, Gwen, and Kevin traveling the galaxy trying to, ya know, survive and shit. They gather an Argit on the way who honestly is amazed these three didn’t die within a day and half. Tell me you wouldn’t watch that!

Do you even have a bedroom or anything, Phil, or is that building just all lab? Do you pull a Kevin and sleep on your tech?

I don’t trust this giant-computer room. It’s giving me FD vibes.

Anyway yadda yadda object heading straight for Earth, we continue

Ben is so excited to have something new going on

Phil thinks this is a massive meteorite. I’m going to guess warship because I’m fairly certain I remember Incurseans being involved somewhere and honestly.

Oh Ben

I’m like 3.5 minutes in

Ben: If I turn into Cannonbolt you guys can launch be at the meteor and the impact would make it go kablooey Gwen: You and the meteor would ricochet off each other sending you into deep space with no way back Ben: I’d never have homework again Gwen: Ben please

“After months of analyzing your Omnitrix-” I swear this show’s relationship with time will drive me to drink

Phil, do you really think you have time to try to properly prep the child for space? I mean you’ve got over an hour of movie but in-universe

...Phil, why do you have a g-force simulator? And where the fuck are you fitting it?

Okay, seriously, I am concerned at this point by the shit he has on hand. Also why are they focusing on FourArms, mix it up, there’s nine other aliens available

You guys realize you don’t have much choice but to send him anyway? I mean unless you intend to hunt down Kevin and sacrifice him instead which, honestly would be in line with his adult interactions so far and honestly space was good for him in the sequels so maybe it’ll be good for him here.

Ben is so excited and Gwen is so done.

Upgrades to the armor shit have been unlocked.

Problem being, the new armor makes Jetray look, very humanoid. I am not impressed.

Gotta hand it though, Boy can get some speed now. Holy crap. Hate to see XLR8 upgraded.

“We’ve only got one shot at this” Ben’s moving fast enough I think you’ve got a solid three or four

Gwen, Gwen are you having an existential crisis? He’s passed the moon, he’s not coming back down anytime soon.

Ben please

And Ben lost that game of chicken with the meteor, having swerved away at the last moment, presumably because the Omnitrix has the whole ‘you are not dying you fucker’ thing going on

And Ben has been flown right into a fucking vortex of some variety or another. Welp.

Thirty seconds until the meteor hits, nobody knows where Ben vanished too, Phil is resigned, Max is blank, and Gwen looks fucking haunted. Poor kid does not deserve this. She needs a vacation from this vacation too

Oh Gwen, baby

Welp, everyone is fairly certain Ben is dead. Good news is, you won’t outlast him by long the meteor should take out earth in about four seconds

Motherfuck- If you are going to just vanish can you not wait until one second before you’re supposed to hit a planet?!?! Fucking rude!!

Motherfucking Vilgax! I should’ve known! Only you would be so rude! Also how much shit was your little ramshackle pod encased in that it was mistaken for the largest meteor seen?

So, Vilgax is here on Earth and our only defense is Max, Gwen, and presumably Kevin. Either Kevin is going to tap into some pre-reboot murder instincts or shit is about to get bad.

Ben has been carried through the wormhole to, Kinet? I think that’s Kinet, give me a second- No! No it’s Petropia! Listen it’s been a while let me live. Why drop Ben here? wtf is going on?

Swimming through space because your ultra jetboots stopped working

Somebody is watching this child. Who? We know not.

Ben: *times out* Omnitrix: Fuck no *builds spacesuit*

Ben, worried he failed and doomed Earth. It’s okay, it was just Vilgax. Once you find your way back home it’ll all be good.

Sudden spaceship. Also is space just, purple? Is that what’s going on here?

Oh look, Incurseans. Hi.

Omnitrix takes a while to register an alien language and start translating, which makes sense that it would take a little bit for a translator like that to kick in, the tech trying to figure out what language is being spoken. Don’t think I’ve seen that before in a work, very nice. Also the language is literally Incursean so, that’s nice to know. Handy for someone like me.

...Ben is being arrested by the Incurseans for multiple violent crimes perpetrated across the universe. Did not expect that from them.

Also Azmuth, please explain to me what precisely you did with this watch before you threw it at Earth?

...How you could mistake Ben for Vilgax I do not know, but it’s nice to know it wasn’t Azmuth causing wanton destruction and chaos? I guess? This certainly explains how the bastard knew how the Omnitrix worked.

Takes Ben ten seconds of being amazed at and in love with the Omnitrix to register that they think he’s Vilgax.

The Incurseans know about Earth. I’m not sure if that’s a good, bad, or neutral thin in the reboot. The whole ‘arresting a fucker for crimes against the universe’ thing has thrown me off.

Ben plays along for a chance to escape, meanwhile you know Kevin would’ve snapped and argued and fought until they had to admit he couldn’t be Vilgax because Vilgax wouldn’t lower himself to biting.

(I mean it, look at that child and tell me he doesn’t bite)

Well, Ben almost escaped. Too bad Incurseans have those long-ass tongues

Humongasaur fighting an endless swarm of frogs

Ben just is having a day. Honestly it’s lucky Earth’s not going to get wrecked by a meteorite because otherwise he’d be fucked.

Team Tennysons is trying to track Ben down on Earth. Apparently Phil has found the Omnitrix’s signal and they’re tracking that. Three guesses who they’re about to find and the first two don’t count.

Phil: He crashed from space so he might be- Tennysons: Finish that sentence and die

Yeah, the red flashing doesn’t clue them in or anything

And the energy signature looks different. Gwen, darling, you are experienced enough to know exactly who you’re about to find in a cave in the middle of nowhere in the desert (because of-fucking-course, my goddamn disaster)

How is the red flashing not cluing you in? Ben is green, Kevin is red, and together they make one whole Christmas.

Kevin hauling ass, presumably either because something is wrong with his watch (my poor son) or because the Tennysons calling him Ben is freaking him out (my poor son) or both (my poor song)

Okay, Gwen, the tone wasn’t awful but still, was not nessecary to put that emphasis on ‘Kevin’ after the ‘it was just’. Alongside the almost aggravated look when you finally put the pieces together and realized it was him? I know you’re worried for Ben but come on. You hunted him down, he is innocent in everything.

Also can we talk about, something is clearly wrong? I guessed something was wrong with the watch, I think I was right- Kevin was groaning after timing out, holding his head, it’s not normal.

The first thing my son says is telling the Tennysons to get lost (quote “You heard him, hit the road” after Phil tells them to call him when they go back to their search), which isn’t surprising given the look on his face after Gwen’s ‘it was just Kevin’. Something is wrong and now he’s upset on top of that because, well, we know him and how he feels about not being appreciated.

Also holy shit the framing, with Kevin on top of a tall rock in an empty cave, with his back to the Tennysons, making up just a small part of the shot. Really emphasizing just how alone he is.

(Dear reboot give him his rat and prison-dad for fuck’s sake)

(Nobody sent me any ‘your response is gonna be fun’ messages, so I’m assuming I don’t get Kwarrel either, damnit. I can only hope for openings for later Kwarrel in the franchise)

Oh. Oh my son. Oh something has gone very wrong and he is shifting uncontrollably. He has isolated himself so nobody sees him like this. My baby. My precious little perfect child

Notice that he is shifting uncontrollably and he has still not taken off the watch, which would be the obvious answer to the dilemma. So why? Was he too busy freaking out to think of it? Or does on or off not matter anymore?

Tennysons: Why don’t you come along and let us help you? Kevin: Fuck you and your talking car too

“I built this. I should be able to control it.” Oh Kevin...

“And that’s amazing!” And Kevin has no fucking response (except to be a crushing wreck but, I’m deducting the half point and moving on). Praise? For his work? Is that legal?

My son. My heart.

“I didn’t do it all on my own. There was kinda this weird dream.” Said while he’s making his way down to the Tennysons because in the end all he needs is for someone to call him amazing, give him praise, notice him, appreciate him, acknowledge his worth.

The Tennysons recommend letting Phil help because he helped Ben and Kevin’s response is, quote “I’m. Not. Ben! And this isn’t the Omnitrix, it’s the Antitrix*.”

*First time Kevin’s watch has been referred to by that name in the show. Prior to this it was always called a watch or an Omnitrix.

There is so much fucking going on in Kevin tell me we’re learning some of it here I’m begging, give me the inner workings of my son

...pause a second, I don’t wanna look it up because I’m worried about spoilers, but does Kevin’s watch look different? The strap system is different, I’d swear it. Or maybe I’m wrong, it’s been a few days since a Kev episode...

Kevin pointing out that he’s not a Tennyson, denying ever doing anything to help them, wondering what their deal is, claiming they should hate him (my fucking son! someone get this child a dad and a rat, a blanket, some cocoa, and some fucking love and affection!)

By the way, I’m almost 20 minutes in and it’s been over two hours. Kevin is here now, things are probably gonna start going slower.

The Tennysons letting Kevin know they don’t hate him. Max straight up saying he doesn’t seem like a bad kid, just a lost one. Which honestly is very true, he is a good child he just doesn’t really... he’s a mess and there is so much in him and so much of it sour and just- He needs love. Proper, healthy love and guidance by someone who’ll look out for him, put his needs first. It’s why I want Kwarrel back- he, Gar, and reboot!Max have treated Kevin the best, been the most healthy adult interactions he’s had, through the franchise. Kwarrel could be the adult figure he needs in his life, but he got the one episode and nothing and just- I just want the best for Kevin.

“If you trust us, we’ll trust you.” And then Kevin agreeing to come along as long as his watch gets fixed.

Oh gods the smile as he follows them! Like, a moment of happiness for the child!

Vilgax set a city on fire. I take it he’s in a mood.

Yep. Definitely in a mood. Also how the fuck did you get out of the Null Void?

Oh look, we’re back with Ben. Honestly the least interesting part of this movie right now, though I love him.

Although I gotta admit, I never would’ve guessed the Omnitrix being used for a mistaken identity plot like this.

...okay unless he was thrown in the Null Void before you can’t charge him with that he was thrown in unlawfully. Or at least one would hope so. This is space so, the laws have been pretty fucked up in earlier series.

Y’all so not know the joy when you see “How do you plead” and go ‘he pleads not fucking Vilgax’ and then you hit play and Ben’s plea is “not Vilgax”.

Ben is fucking tired of people treating him like he’s Vilgax and you can’t rightly blame him.

Oh, look, Walkatrout. Hi guys! Nice to see you!

Oooo, hello spider-like babies! One second guys I gotta get you a screenshot!

I love them.

Also check out these fuckers!

Seems everybody and their mother is here to see this shit go down

Hi Tetrax. Care to tell us why you are here as a witness for the prosecution?

Welp, can’t see this going well

Tetrax, you lying shit, what is your angle? You have got to have something to gain from this.

Tetrax, describing Ben: “It’s like- It’s like a squishy little sack of organs held together with hair. And it’s head is enormous.”

Ben’s making another break for it

“-these are not the actions of the hero you claim to be-” Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Don’t sentence him to the Null Void you already know Vilgax can get out!

I’m impressed by how much these people believe in Vilgax’s acting skills. Like the fact that he’s acting nothing like himself and in fact 100% like the small child he appears to be only proves that he’s a good actor and not that, ya know, maybe they should check and see if they actually did grab somebody’s kid by accident. I mean it’s not like shapechanging watches are a one-and-done deal, a fucking 11-yo made one

And Ben gets dropped through a portal to, somewhere. It certainly doesn’t look like the Null Void.

Poor crying baby

“You don’t deserve to wield the Omnitrix, it belongs with it’s creator- me.” Oh fuck off, Azmuth. You let a squid have it for fuck’s sake.

Phil studying the Antitrix. Apparently the energy signature is very sporadic, but seems familiar.

Solar, Polar, please, we’ve got shit going on. Important Antitrix information. Could you not take a vacation? Take your mother to Disney World or something?

They’re at the fucking house because Phil has the most powerful radio tower in the country. Of course.

The Tennysons sent Kevin outside to handle them and he’s just standing in the yard watching them and eating chips. Telling them to shove off so his shit can get fixed. How is he not the most popular character in this franchise? Has he not earned a fucking spin-off?

Fucking Dark Matter running through the twins like tissue paper

Gwen, a firm believer in the art of ‘Kevin needs to fucking chill’.

My son sees cops and bolts. Nobody is surprised, given his everything. Honestly it’s probably the safest bet he’s got in anything in life- avoid cops.

“Whoever you saw on those security cameras it wasn’t me!” Kevin what did you do?

Is shocked to find the cops aren’t there for him, my poor son.

Kevin: *is just barely compared to Ben* This cannot be allowed to stand

“Proud? Of me?” Y’all the look on his face! My son! 

Like he’s not entirely sure if this is legal but he’s not about to look it in the face! My baby!

Vilgax! Hello! I knew you and my son were both going to be here so I saved you a spot in the pit! Reserved seating, as it were

Fuck off, squid-boy, the kid built the watch fair and square!

Oh gods, tell me the ‘Vilgax was involved in the dream situation’ theory isn’t being proven here

Also the look on Kevin’s face when he’s noting having seen Vilgax before, somewhere between ‘wait a minute’ and ‘you, you are the one I must kill’

He was in the dream and my boy is freaked.

“Used you as a vessel to finally complete my own design” Vilgax you gave the child a dream with a blueprint in it. There is only so much credit you can give yourself. How did you even do that? Is this some new Chimera Sui Generis  thing? Superstrength, tentacles, laser eyes, and fucking dreamwalking?

Is the Freddy Kruger of squid

As I said designing the piece means nothing if you go handing out the design to whoever. You can still patent the shit, maybe, but you can’t claim that whatever people made with said pretty-much-opensource design is your property.

Vilgax: It’s my design, give it to me Kevin: Fight me bitch

Kevin ‘Fight Me’ Levin

Ya know, I always though FD would be Kevin’s first kill but honestly it might be Vilgax.

I love him so much you guys. He is the most precious thing ever.

Kicks Vilgax’s arm as he’s going tor the watch, backflips away, perfect landing and out to kick ass

Vilgax if you wanted a kid who would just hand the watch over when you showed up maybe you shouldn’t have handed the design off to the most obstinate, anti-authoritarian, ‘you don’t tell me what to do’ child on the face of the planet Earth. You’d have probably had an easier time getting shit from Looma.

Poor gay couple who just got a car through the roof of their new house

Vilgax can talk shit all he likes, but Kevin is putting up a good fight. That’s another thing he maybe should’ve kept in mind, maybe don’t choose the kid who was doing perfect backflips presumably before he even got the stupid dream.

Okay, Ben is in the Null Void. They’ve tidied the place up since the OG series

Hello, species whose name I can’t remember off the top of my head. Good advice for the child thank you

Oh look, a Loboan, hello

There’s a whole mess of peeps. Including an Ectonurite, Vulpimancer, and Pisciss Volann

Dudes you already know Vilgax wants the watch why do you want to get his attention by getting it your own damn selves? It’s more trouble than it’s worth honestly.

These guys need to chill.

Yeeeep, deeefinitely need to chill

Ya know, Azmuth, if you wanted to show up and take your watch back? Now would be a good time? There’s a whole load of people here vying for it, earn the damn thing.

Hmmmm

Azmuth. Darling. Why are you in the Null Void? Why are you so firmly in the Null Void that fuckers know you and bend to your commands? The fuck did you do?

Everybody is talking shit about Ben today. He’s ten, let the child live!

Ben, out to kick Azmuth’s ass because he thinks he works for Vilgax because let’s be real, he’s had a fucking day and is also literally ten

Azmuth, just a rampaging dick wherever you find him

Also he has the Omnitrix back now

Jesus fuck, I just really want somebody to come step on Azmuth. Like, Vilgax is a dick but that’s his job, Azmuth is just, a fucking dick.

Azmuth you cannot talk about Ben being an infant and then turn around and say he should’ve known to kill Vilgax. He is a child.

Le gasp. Vilgax was Azmuth’s student. I’m going to assume you got thrown in here for not killing him your own damn self?

Benjamin Kirby Tennyson, annoying Azmuth into telling him the story of wtf happened with him and Vilgax

Young-Azmuth here is just, an image I never needed in my life. Give me Blukic and Driba back

Young Vilgax with goggles

And, shocker, Vilgax went ‘science is great but I can do you one better- universal domination’

Wow, Azmuth. Ya know if you’d had any braincells sufficiently developed you’d have known to kill him.

Azmuth. If you could have maybe one manner. A single etiquette.

Also, really? Sending the Omnitrix to Earth was the only option? You couldn’t destroy it now that it’s true destructive potential was known? Recode the damn thing to stricter parameters in a new coding language? Nothing else? Greatest mind in the universe and you couldn’t think of something, anything, besides sending it to a planet that would’ve been completely helpless if Vilgax had managed to get his hands back on it?

Ben: Okay, fuck you and your watch then, I’ll just go beat Vilgax myself Azmuth: Wait what?

Azmuth has set Ben a trial. You know the one, the ‘reach me within this time frame’ shit. If he passes he gets to keep the Omnitrix.

Attempt 1: No shapeshifting Attempt 2: Rath into Humongasaur

Attempt 3 starts with him having managed to end up outside of the trail area entirely

Azmuth is just a fucking dick. Ben points out that his entire goal is to save his planet from Vilgax, Azmuth blows it off because the fact Ben has his life’s work is more important. Gods just, being reminded how big a dick Azmuth is...

Azmuth, please keep in mind that the child is in fact a child

Ben and Kevin need to make friends so Kev can teach him some moves, he’d have kicked this Ectonurite in the head by now

Ben Tennyson, professional Good Child, saves the fucker that’s been giving him shit.

Ben figuring out new ways to use the Omnitrix and unlocking Goop!

Gods, Azmuth, now you gotta shittalk Goop too? Now you’re just being a speciest dick.

Ben saves a fucker, a fucker who’s been nothign but a shit to him, just barely fails the trial, and breaks down over not managing to beat it and save Earth. He’s so good you guys.

“Color me surprised that altruism still exists in this reality” you don’t get to make comments like that when you’ve been nothing but a dick the entire time you’ve been on screen

Azmuth has given Ben more time and a way out of the Null Void. Because it’s Azmuth, of course he’d rather stay there and wallow in his own bullshit that actually go out into the universe and do something about the problems he started.

Don’t waste your breath on him, Ben, he doesn’t deserve it

Dude he saved is now a Ben fan.

And Ben takes a sidetrip to save the Incurseans from a giant Null Void portal

And back on Earth Kevin is still putting a fight. He’s not winning, but he’s still fighting because he is a precious disaster.

The Tennysons trying to get it through his obstinate, broken little brain that he can accept help (and also that just because Ben does it doesn’t mean he has to refuse just to keep himself distinct from him (I am wording this badly but, I can’t word it right just now...))

It doesn’t work. 

My son. Vilgax ain’t even tired and Kevin is but he’s still holding his own.

Holy shit Phil has a living room

And Gwen has become a hostage. Good job drawing attention to yourself kiddo.

Yes Gwen, bite the squid! It’s not doing anything but I appreciate the enthusiasm and the fighting back!

She hardly even counts as a hostage, Kevin went to straight punch Vilgax and the dude just threw her away. At least use her as a fucking shield!

“You must be under the impression that you are special, when in reality you were only good for one thing.” 1) Yeah, building what you couldn’t. 2) Kevin is a brilliant artist and engineer, good at athletics, with a natural talent for magic, all on top of a good sense of humor and a smile like the fucking sun, HE IS WORTH TEN OF YOU

Also, so far the movie has given me no reason to believe that he was given any parts or tools with which to build this watch so, on top of all that, all my earlier points still stand so far as far as Kevin being better than fucking Tony Stark with machinery. Is that why you threw the design at this foul-tempered, stubborn little thing, Vilgax? Not because you’re an idiot and he could build it, but because he’s the only one who could? I’ve seen no proof against it yet.

Okay giving us that, that fucking view of him after being tossed, fucking skipping over the asphalt, was not nessecary!!!

My son...

My son....

You did great sweetie! You were amazing!

My son.... My poor, battered, exhausted, son....

Also the fact that he straight up says he’ll try again later, which is just- I don’t doubt it. I don’t doubt he will wake up and immediately upon realizing his watch is gone head out to fight Vilgax again.

The fucking K on the antitrix turning into a V is aggravating for pit-related reason but also very thematically appropriate

Vilgax fucking chimerized himself. Fuck off, that’s Kevin’s thing. Just all about stealing from children

Vilgax steals his chimerism shtick and Kevin immediately starts regaining consciousness. My child

Extra toothy mouths too?! Fucking chill, squid-boy!

Kevin is up and moving and everyone is fleeing a pissed Vilgax in the Rustbucket. He is now on the hunt for Ben

Vilgax is, really putting them through the wringer and Kevin is not happy.

And Kevin, once they’re at Vilgax’s mercy, runs off to start shit once again with the fucker. Because my child is perfect.

He has hijacked fucking Glitch! Of course he has! My child! Harness the fucking Glitch!

He and Glitch, luring Vilgax away with ease because this man handles disrespect worse than Kev does.

The Rustbucket is scrap, but Phil might have an option.

And we’re back to Ben. When last we left him he’d worn himself out saving the Incurseans, straight passing out, and now, now we’re back to him.

The Incurseans saved him, and are apologizing for starting shit. Which is better than they were in past iterations so honestly I’m happy with them.

Incursean leader: You have legal permission to apprehend Vilgax Ben: I don’t know how to get home IL: We’ll take you Incursean Otherdude: We can’t enter warpdrive Ben: What about that wormhole I took before? IO: ...that would work IL: Great, let’s go!

They are going to scour the ship for Tetrax so they can bring him in for falsely accusing a 10-yo hero of being Vilgax

Back to the Best Boy and Glitch fucking psychoanalysing my child as someone who uses an abrasive attitude to ward of people who may hurt him but at heart is a good person

“Listen, if there’s anything I know, it’s how to adapt and survive. If anyone can deal with being alone with Captain Calamari out here, it’s me.” My son!!

And they’re caught. Somebody give Kevin a crowbar or something.

Holy shit Glitch sacrificed himself to give Kevin a shot! Fucking hell! That, I think that may earn back the half point lost for the Gwevin. Sacrificing yourself to save my son earns a lot.

Oh you did not just call my son sniveling and pathetic. You didn’t. You get the special pit with FD.

My boy is crying. My boy is crying. A squid is going to die. Thou shalt not suffer a Vilgax to live.

The first person to get me a picture of Vilgax being torn apart by Kevin 11k gets a drabble.

Glitch! Giving my boy the aid and encouragement he needs in this moment! You definitely get the half point!

Kevin, like Ben, is having A Day.

Did, did Glitch and Kevin just fucking biomerge? Taking my son up a notch? Oh yesss

Glitch has been working on becoming armor for Ben but, well, Kevin needs it right now and it did need a testrun. Kevin is so happy to get to use it first. Seriously I don’t know what happened in their backstory but, damn

My boy

Welp

Back to Ben and Tetrax really should’ve been ready to bail, taking so long is just unprofessional.

Azmuth paid Tetrax to lie in court. Raise your hand if you’re surprised. Nobody. I’m shocked.

Ben is letting Tetrax go because he’s like 60% certain he helped in the long run

*snort* Okay, like that fourth wall break.

Kevin and Glitch, still fighting Vilgax, to the surprise of nobody given Kevin does not cannot will not stop fighting

They work well together, they really do. Glitch is more entertaining when he’s actually working off somebody rather than trying to just, be his own thing.

Ben cannot catch a break today

The Tennysons in an actual car plus Kevin and Glitch, all fighting Vilgax together because fuck it, better than going it alone right now

There’s still another twelve minutes.

My son. My Son. “A pity you didn’t stand down while you still had the chance.” “I’d rather go all-in and end up squashed than stand around and let some slab of squid jerky like you stand around and take over the planet.”

Ben is back on Earth and ready to join the fray. Sorry Squiddly but there is no chance in hell you can handle Kevin and Ben at the same time. Actually I’m fairly certain Kevin’s not gonna end up a Tennyson half because of this fucking obsession with Gwevin and half because Kevin and Ben as family would end the universe all on it’s own.

The fact Kevin then proceeded to call him Squidly just makes this day better.

A lot has happened since you left, Ben. Everyone has been having A Time.

And Vilgax smacks Kevin away, doing that final bit of damage to take Glitch out of the fight. Which means Kevin is out of the fight, or at least will be in a minute because honestly I’ll be surprised if nobody sits on him after that last stunt he pulled.

We’ve got nine minutes, let’s see if Vilgax can stand up against Ben, especially after all the fighting he’s already been doing. Neither of them is fresh, but Ben is fresher.

Vilgax is kicking ass so far. C’mon Ben, use Goop!

My son! Acting like he’s not worth saving because he can’t be useful. I am going to hunt down his father and the FD and destroy them both.

Glitch can drain the car and start repairs. The Tennysons are being helpful and Good.

My baby! He is just, confidence has plummeted. Kevin, baby, you are the best thing on this show! You are amazing!

Max, pointing out that Kevin managed to hold off Vilgax on his own, and that he and Ben together can kick his ass. Phil backing it up with a ‘the world needs you right now’.

Yesss, support for my son, this is all I want in this world

“Stand back, I’m going after my watch.” What did I tell you. He’s getting that fucking watch back if he has to eat Vilgax to do it. He worked hard on that thing!

Glitch is falling the fuck apart, Ben is down, Vilgax is about to win, and Kevin is not looking like he’s about to stop anytime soon.

MY BOY!!!!! MY FUCKING SON!!!! THE PERFECT BEING!!!!!!

He dove at Vilgax as he was about to use the Omnitrix’s key to unlock more power for the Antitrix and managed to snatch it back from the bastard! Because! He! Is! Perfect!

Vilgax has still gotten what so far seems to be a net positive effect, but at least he doesn’t have the watch

He thinks he’s Jafar

Vilgax standing there monologuing about his own greatness and Kevin just calls him a doofus and launches at him as Bashmouth

Then straight to CrystalFist when caught to make vilgax let him go, he’s amazing.

Ben catches him as he plummets, fully armored up, it’s time for these boys to wreck some squid shit.

Vilgax just keeps fucking growing. We’ve only got like five minutes left in the movie, just stop.

Kevin just, no hesitation. He is going to fight a giant squid so help him god

Welp. They managed to land some blows.

The boys have been taken out, Team Tennyson is at Ben’s side. “Glitch is- is gone.” “What about Kevin?” “I don’t know, Vilgax hit him pretty hard.“

Phil. Phil what the fuck are you hiding? You are hiding something and so help me if it could’ve helped my boy earlier I will-

Kevin and Azmuth need to meet because Kevin needs to punt him.

Oh look, the frog-bitch is out of the Null Void and bothering the Incurseans. They don’t deserve this, they’re good people.

Oh look, Ben has unlocked Waybig. Fitting, I suppose.

It’s gonna be a curbstomp fight, there’s only a few minutes left and we still need to wrap this movie up. Hopefully confirm my son is alive.

I was right. Good fight, still very quick. And now we gotta deal with fucking Azmuth again.

And, shocker, Ben gets to keep the watch.

Okay, we have confirmation Kevin at least limped away. He was alive as of the end of this film.

11/11 thanks to quality Kevin content and Glitch finally earning my respect. I’m still serious about the Vilgax thing though- first person, a reboot drabble of their choosing.

[rt8815]

OC Ask Game

I was tagged by the amazing @illegalcerebral

I put a Keep Reading link because this is looong.

1) Name (and why you chose it if you like) McKinley Campbell Durand. I named her after McKinley Morganfield, better known as Muddy Waters. However, the “in universe?” reason that will be given - which I haven’t written yet - is that McKinley and Campbell are family names from a few generations back.

Campbell comes from the Gaelic words for ‘crooked’ and ‘mouth.’ I just like the name. Here’s a post (that I had to rewrite because Tumblr’s a dick and wouldn’t let me edit the typos in the original. The rewrite had typos too! Blargh!) that discusses her first and last names. I thought it would be funny for her full name to consist solely of last names.

2) Fandom and how they fit into the story Criminal Minds. She works at a D.C. museum practically around the corner from the J. Edgar Hoover building (as indicated in “Let It Bleed”). That’s a tiny hint that it’s the National Museum of African American History & Culture, but I don’t think I’ll mention it very often, if for no other reason than I’ve never been to the NMAAHC and don’t want to describe it inaccurately.

The official story is that Spencer and McKinley met at the museum (again, in “Let It Bleed,” which is probably the least favorite thing of mine that I’ve written). However, they’d met once before, and texted a few times after that. Because my brain is all over the place, and because I’m telling the story in non-chronological order, I haven’t written their first meeting yet. The only details I’ve revealed thus far are that it was nighttime in a park, McKinley caught Spencer off guard and made him fall to the ground, and whatever they talked about set Spencer straight and lifted his spirits. Also, a swingset was involved. Beyond that, I’ve inserted McKinley into the plotlines and events of the show, with necessary alterations, and there’s a ton of domestic Spencer and off-duty team stuffs.

3) Do they have any family? Biological family: daughter Sophie and son Jason; her Mom (no name yet); maternal grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins; and her estranged father (no name yet). Chosen/found family: husband Spencer; the BAU.

4) As a child, what did they want to be when they grew up? When she was a toddler, McKinley wanted to be a pediatrician (a doctor just for kids?! Cool!) or an ophthalmologist (she’s worn glasses practically her whole life). As an older child she aspired to be an entomologist or herpetologist. In her teenage years she considered a career in forensic pathology or criminal psychology. While earning her BA in English, she discovered that Public History was her true calling.

5) Their greatest dream To be a good Mom. To inspire learning in others.

6) Their worst nightmare Losing her family; having to see her father again.

7) Strengths Empathy, insight/self awareness, forgiving nature but knowing when to cut her losses

8) Weaknesses McKinley struggles with imposter syndrome.

She can be very mean. I mean, downright nasty cruel, verbally. This is rare though because, and I’m paraphrasing a future bit of dialogue here, anyone whose behavior could arguably warrant such a response is beneath her notice and not worth the effort. She’s more likely to close the door on someone. When she’s removed a person from her life, she is done. They become literally nothing to her. McKinley will rightly claim that this is about self-preservation and boundaries, but she really takes it to the next level.

9) What would they chose between: morning and night, sweet and savoury, beaches or meadows, cities or countryside, winter or summer, Christmas or Halloween (sorry, Spencer!), movies or TV shows, action or rom-com, clowns or vampires, stars or the moon (both!), cocktails or pints [Neither. McKinley doesn’t care for cocktails or beer. Scotch, brandy, rum, and dry wines are her poisons. She’s been known to add Kahlúah to vanilla ice cream, Baileys Irish Cream to coffee (she wants to try Drambuie next), or make hot toddies when she has a cold (obviously not mixing any alcohol with any medicine)]

10) How do they relax? Reading, or having Spencer read to her; knitting; listening to her records or playing her guitar; exercising with Boogie so she’s exhausted enough to sleep that night; baking and cooking

11) What makes them angry? Injustice, apathy/indifference, ableism, willful ignorance

12) What makes them afraid? The awful things she’d possibly do under duress; her family getting hurt or worse; spiders and other bugs that bite and/or sting

13) What is a moment from their childhood that has shaped who they are? It’s not a single event, but growing up with an abusive parent has certainly had a lifelong impact on McKinley. You’ve heard the expression “once bitten, twice shy?” She’s “once bitten, there’s no twice because you no longer exist.” She’s working on that. It’s also cultivated empathy, though, and is part of the reason she volunteers in the hospital’s rehab wing.

14) Do they have a sense of humour? Intellectual humor, pop culture references, puns/Dad jokes, science jokes. Sometimes morbid.

15) What do they value in their friends/loved ones? Honesty and empathy

16) Do they have any pets? An Aussie Collie/Border Aussie named Boogie-Woogie. He’s her first child.

17) Worst memory? Probably the day Meadows shot her and she thought she’d never see Spencer and Penny again.

18) Best memory? The days Sophie and Jason were born. Minus, y’know, the agonizing pain of labor and delivery.

19) Do they have any tattoos? (If no would they get one?) Nope and nope

20) If you could write them into another fandom, which one would you choose? If I knew the MCU better, I’d love to write her in as a Stark Tower employee! She’d be an anthropologist and would study alien societies the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. have encountered. She’d naturally be drawn to Loki, initially in a professional capacity (they quickly discover they relate to each other on a personal level as well).

He’d first find her annoying: “Why are you pestering me, Mortal? Surely you’d rather interview my oaf of a brother?”

“No, not even remotely. He only ever wants to discuss battles he’s won. There’s so much more to Asgard and the other realms than that. I want - I need - to learn your literature, your science, your culture and history. You’re well versed in all of these subjects and you’re an excellent teacher.”

He stares at her impassively over his mug of tea, but his heart - that Judas of an organ - flutters slightly at the compliment. And how can he say no to a fellow scholar?

“I prefer your company to Thor’s too. You have this calming presence. Thor’s sweet but he’s also obnoxiously loud and brash and he always hugs me even though I keep telling him I don’t like it. And he’s constantly swinging his hammer around, which makes me think he’s overcompensating for something.”

Loki nearly chokes on his tea. Yes, this mortal is considerably more tolerable than others.

“Very well. Friday evenings at 6:00, my chambers. Arrive late and suffer my wrath.”

From that day forward, whenever Thor tries to hug her, he gets mildly electrocuted.

Did I accidentally sorta kinda write a drabble? Would anyone be interested in making this a collab? That’s what they’re called, right? (Can you tell I’ve given this some thought? Haha! I have even more details in my head.)

21) Do they like their job? (What else would they do if they could?) She loves it! Hmmm, what else…? A librarian maybe. Or animate and produce an educational cartoon series.

22) What is their sexuality? Demisexual

23) Do they believe in love at first sight? Soulmates? One true love? McKinley believes in “seeing the potential for a good relationship at first conversation.”

Yes, although she feels that term has become overused and poorly redefined.

People can find love again after it’s been lost.

24) What music do they listen to? Has that changed over time? I actually recently answered an ask about this. Yes, she grew up on what passed for country in the ‘90s. God help her, she had a boyband phase in junior high.

25) Can they cook? What food do they love? McKinley does pretty well in the kitchen. She loves a wide variety of food. She grew up in the south, so tons of carbs/comfort foods. She loves Thai, Japanese, and Indian food. She cooks up Middle Earth-inspired dishes (ha! nerd). She’s especially proud of a seed cake she bakes.

26) What are their hopes for the future? For her family to be healthy, safe and happy. To be debt free.

27) How do they react to being threatened? It’s a coin flip. McKinley might curl up like an armadillo and hope the predator gets bored and leaves, or she might kick the stool out from under them and cause their chin to slam into the bar and crack several teeth.

28) What is their love language? McKinley and Spencer both exhibit the Acts of Service love language, because just saying “I love you” isn’t enough. You ought to show it. She’ll randomly bake doughnuts for Spencer or play guitar for him in bed, and he’ll take care of laundry, dishes, and any other chores he sees need doing.

Quality Time is important for them too. Once a month, Luke and Penny babysit so Spencer and McKinley have a day alone together. It doesn’t really matter what they do. The point is it’s just them.

It caught McKinley by surprise how much she enjoys physical affection, given that she can be touch averse but holy moly she was more touch starved than she realized. She lives for snuggles and makeout sessions and playing with each others’ hair. When one of them doesn’t want to be touched, they hook their pinkies together.

29) What do they find most challenging in relationships? At work? In general? At work she struggles to gain her colleagues’ respect (think “Boy Genius” treatment except she has lady bits). In general, she struggles with trusting people.

30) What do you as a creator love best about writing this character? Giving her everything I wish I had but don’t.

Bonus: Include a link to your favourite work with this OC or write a small drabble.

October 12, 2021

Warm sunlight filtered through the curtains, gently rousing Spencer from a pleasant sleep. Just when he’d decided to get up, he felt the mattress dip behind him and his wife’s breath fanning over his ear.

“Who’s the birthday boy?” whispered McKinley.

Spencer smiled softly but feigned being asleep.

“Who’s the birthdaaay boooy?” she repeated, bouncing slightly.

“The good-looking guy to your left?”

“Happy Birthday!” she laughed, pressing kisses along his neck, suddenly shifting the mood from playful to sexy.

“Would the birthday boy like his birthday present?” she asked as she lifted the covers.

“Well, look at that - it’s already unwrapped!”

[getyourblisson]

A Look At January 2020

A Look At January 2020

There is a reason that the month of January is one where many feel optimistic and want to start something new in their life.  This goes way beyond the basic aspect of entering a new calendar year.  Calendars are really quite an interesting thing as they assist our human self in understanding how to time things in this world; and where the currents are naturally flowing.  This is especially true in those areas that do not have a more evident shift in seasons, where we can see major differences in nature; as well as for those locked into cities with little plant life or elements to connect with.

January has a natural current that is aligned with future blessings; and this may very well be why there is a strong and natural drive to start new things.  Within we are able to sense, that the things that we focus on this month have the potential to do well.  However, this is also why most New Year’s resolutions and goals are broken as February enters in.  The shift in natural code energies also shifts our focus; and we naturally wane in the rush of optimism that we get from January’s energy.  It is during this month that we also get a natural rise in feeling and knowing that we are able to rise above or move past that which is challenging for us.  So in essence we are feeling a bit invincible and wanting to tackle the big “stuff” in our lives.

This month naturally lends to the aspect of implementing wisdom and lessons.  It is during this time that we will naturally feel that we are able to use what we have learned from our experiences in the previous year, to make wiser choices for the current year.  It is during this time that we are not just being given a fresh start; but that we are in a period of second chances.  It is much like getting a clean slate to work from; only with a lot more insight and knowledge to launch from.

January naturally brings the return of people that have been absent in our lives, old flames that want to try again, the opportunity to do something that we previously abandoned and now feel that we can return to it; such as a goal or dream that we had to set aside for one reason or another.  We are given the choice in 2nd chances to say “no thank you” because it is no longer something that you are allowing to be a part of your life or have outgrown, or to say “I would like to see where this goes” because you have shifted and changed and would like to see how you would do with it from your current wisdom, or to say “YES bring it on” because you are so grateful that you are being given the opportunity to show that you are different than before and know that this opportunity is deep within your heart.

When we look at the influences for January 2020 we find a sort of “grounding” principal that is interacting with our optimism.  This will leave some feeling a bit Bi-Polar as they waver between the optimism and the pessimism energy patterns.  What it is really doing here, is asking us to be realistic in how we approach our dreams. When there is no grounding energy to our dreams and desires, it will often times stay only as a dreamy fairy tale in our minds instead of truly manifesting; so to bring it to life it will be important to give it some solid, practical steps.  In a sense you are being asked to consider how serious you truly are in manifesting what you want.  Are you serious enough to do the real work to see it through?  Do you have the patience and determination to see it through the long haul?

The key is to realize that this “reality” energy pattern is not trying to squash our dreams and visions; but to help us create a solid foundation for them to be built on, so that we can allow them to be a lasting influence in our life, instead of just passing through for a month or two out of the year.  If we are willing to integrate the desires with practical steps; then we open the door to living in a wisdom that can bring great success in our plans.  This is the success that comes from learning from our past; and choosing from solid wisdom. Take time to consider what things have worked and haven’t worked for you previously, based on your experiences. Which parts worked, and where do you need to refine, revise, and restructure things so that they can truly flourish?

It is during this month, that we can feel a real “rush” as we have the potential to make advancements; and get unstuck from the mire of challenges, tests, and initiations. There can be a real sense of breaking free in some way for you.  This is a time for creating sweet victories through peaceful channels.  This can often be done by focusing on what we need to breakthrough, walk away from, and put more of ourselves into.  Take some time to seriously consider what nourishes you and sustains you in both your inner and outer worlds; then consider what are the pieces that are overlapping, and how can you honor what both of these aspects of yourself are needing.

For example, money can be fleeting; but unconditional love will sustain you forever.  However, unconditional love does not always provide you with immediate material resources to take care of your human needs.  Likewise, money can provide for your human needs; but often times can leave you feeling empty and drained out.  Yet, money that comes from unconditional love; or unconditional love that is fostered through the channel that you are earning money, brings an overlap of two very different components.  It is within that overlap that truth and whole experiences exist.

While success patterns are evident where we are implementing wisdom; it is important to realize we also have a very different aspect at play right now too.  That is an aspect of uncertainties, contradiction, and treachery. This means that this month might be better used for creating plans more than implementing them.  It is a time that we must be very aware of the influence that others are having on us; and that we need to thoroughly check things out for ourselves.  This aspect of our influences, warns us to not take on anything that we cannot handle ourselves.

During this time plans may go awry; people may have to unexpectedly cancel on plans, or adjustments may need to be made.  This influence also warns that there could be danger in taking risks; especially if we have to rely on others to come through.  People may not mean to hurt or disappoint us at this time; but may simply have much of their own life that is requiring attention, and may have to pull their energy into their own life to handle things.  Most sources of grief, disappointment, or changes in plans right now; are likely to be the result of a component of unreliability, uncertainty, or deception.

For example, a relationship that breaks up during this time is likely to do so because one person is unable to trust the other; or simply may not feel supported by them.  There may also be deception involved where one person finds out they have not been getting the truth or whole story on something within the relationship.  It can also be a time where those outside of the relationship may be using deceptive means to create separation in the relationship for their own selfish purposes and motives.  Finally, it can be due to a general sense of feeling insecure in one’s life; and unable to cope with a relationship.

This is where we find out if unconditional love is really present or not.  Where unconditional love is in our life; we will receive the support and space to handle what we need to, it will not abandoned us in our confusion. It will be patient, and love us anyways. This can be in all kinds of relationships; including love, family, friends, co-workers, situations in our life, or even general connections or groups that we may be a part of.

From January 1st – January 20th is a time of restructuring our own self and life. It is a time for looking deeply within and getting into the core values and essence of who we are and how our actions in the outer world are aligning with that.  Now, is the time to consider what shifts and changes we need to make within ourselves and our own life.  This is a great time to delve into how our life experiences have transformed, shaped, and shifted us along the way.  The real question being is what our experiences have taught us about ourselves; how have they shown us who we are, what is important to us, and helped us to see what matters the most to us.

This is a powerful period for total and major transformation.  This can be a great time to scrap something and start from scratch; or to rise like the phoenix out of the rubble.  Any deaths that happen during this time are likely to have a huge impact on our lives; particularly if the death is someone or something that has been a part of our stability, or was very reliable for us.  These deaths or endings may come unexpectedly and suddenly. This can add to the Bi-Polar energy of the month where something spectacular comes into our lives, and something important to us leaves our life.

Endings are a natural part of transformation.  I have found that the more proactive that I can be in my transformation processes, the easier they tend to be to get through.  A sort of choosing your experiences instead of letting them be chosen for you aspect.

Things can feel a bit out of our control right now as the strange and unusual seems to be quite active. The news or media or even science may have a hard time providing explanations on things.  There is likely to be a whirlwind of the unexpected; and when that energy pattern is at play, it is important for us to remain open and flexible.  Do not lock into heavy commitments or time schedules; and keep your options open. What may seem like a great contract to sign one day; can be completely impossible to follow through on the next day. Thus, it is best to avoid any major commitments or signing of contracts if at all possible; and if you do, make certain you are not locked into long time periods, or can get out of them without penalties.

During this time many are going to be looking at what can provide them greater freedom, and the ability to live more authentically and in alignment with who they really are, and what they really enjoy doing in life.  That being said, it is important to be open and receptive to the shifts and transformations that are happening at this time; because they may be realigning you in a way that is much more favorable for you and allows you to make advancements.  The choices we make and the actions we choose during this time will have an impact on our whole self through all existences, time and space; so the results will have a large effect on the direction our life moves in.  Keep in mind that things are being readjusted to bring you success and victory; so ride with it, even if it feels a bit harsh, sudden, or challenging to deal with.

From January 21st through the end of the month there are aspects of control, power, and having command over others that arise.  This is a time where we could see those that are at war with each other taking extreme measures to establish total command.  The competition energies are extremely strong, especially among the insecure or those wanting to show their power and force in the world.  Observation and not taking sides will work to our best benefit at this time.  Having command over your own life can bring success during this period, while trying to take command over others can bring heavy losses.

For true command to get established, one must be able to operate by their ideas and opinions; and not fall under the influence of others.  It is worth taking a look at the people you are surrounding yourself with, and who you are holding close in your sphere at this time.  Ask at what strength of consciousness are they operating in. Even if we make the wisest decisions in life; if we surround ourselves with those that are choosing unwisely, then we will come into detriment by default.

Overall this can be a good period for focusing on what we want to manifest; as long as what we are focusing on is something that we don’t have to rely on others for.  Relationships are on the forefront right now, and it is important for you to pay attention to who you have true relationships with and who you have competitive or opposition relationships with.  The more competitive relationships that we hold in our life, the more out of balance we will find ourselves to be.  You are likely to experience success and recognition where you have favorable relationships in your life; as they will support and nurture the future that you are trying to create.  If you are uncertain about those that are in your life, then simply observe them; and the choices that they make.  Look if they are making wise choices, operating in integrity, and standing in a heart-centered space.

I welcome you to consider how committed you are to turning your dreams into a reality; and to create realistic paths to allow them to manifest.

I welcome you to consider what is important for you to break through, walk away from, and put more of yourself into; and be committed to doing that.

I welcome you to consider how much and what type of influence others are having on you.

I welcome you to remain flexible and unattached to plans and schedules.

I welcome you to take time to look at the core values and essence of who you are.

I welcome you to consider how past experiences have shown you what matters the most to you.

I welcome you to consider how the readjustments in your life are moving you into greater success.

I welcome you to remember that competition is a lie; and to step out of competitive patterns or competing with others.

I welcome you to be aware of the consciousness that those around you are operating from.

 Actions to focus on

This month we will do well to consider what gifts we are willing to give to ourselves.  One of the biggest gifts that I have learned that we can give is that of learning to trust ourselves.  Right now, the current influences are showing that deception energy is running high; and that places us in a position of not being able to trust what is outside of ourselves.  It can also lead us down some wild paths of believing that we cannot trust ourselves, because of how deceptive others are being.

Sometimes deception isn’t even about anyone doing anything “wrong” as much as it is, thinking we have gotten everything only to realize that we didn’t.  It can be looking at things from one perspective or through judgment and not seeing something or someone for what they really are.  It is important that this month, we focus on taking in things; and looking at them from as many different perspectives as possible.  However, this is not going to be a strong month for setting things in action.

The actions that we take right now will have a major impact on all of our existences and throughout all of time and space.  We may feel pressure to act, or even a sense of danger if we don’t act; and that at times can be one of the greatest lies there is.  Where there is pressure and urgency, is often times also people that are playing mind games and trying to control you.  They like to use pressure, confusion, and chaos to spin your mind around to where you cannot decide for yourself and then turn your power completely over to them.

When under these influences, it is important to be very conscious of how we are using our own power; such as responding instead of reacting which there is a tendency to do. There will be value in realizing that the danger is not in waiting to move forward; but in moving forward where there is disorder, confusion, or chaos.  At this time there are lessons to get; and values, ethics, and spiritual processes are to be the priority for us.  Until, we learn the lesson at hand, and honor the soul’s needs; we will be unable to make true progression.  Many may feel they are being called to live more purposefully; and that can lead to dramatic shifts happening, and extreme choices.  This is likely to only be effective, if there are practical steps used to create the new direction.

I welcome you to ask yourself what gift you are willing to give yourself.

I welcome you to focus more on exploring your options than making final decisions.

I welcome you to step away from pressure, confusion, and chaos.

I welcome you to explore what you feel “called” to do, or that would allow you to live more purposefully.

 What to focus your thoughts on

From January 1st – January 16th we will want to consider where we are standing in our abundant self, and where we are operating from materialism.  Where we are standing in our abundant self shows us where we are able to be self-sustaining and what is solid in our life. It is in those areas that we want to keep focusing our attention.  Where we are operating from materialism; such as doing something only for money, living in excess, making unhealthy choices, etc. is where we want to consider how to make shifts and changes.  The materialism mindset of having to do more and more and more, and not having any breaks; eventually destroys all aspects of our life, and not just the pieces that they are currently in.

This is a time for building your own self-sufficiency by exploring and thinking about how you can carry out your own ideas and plans.  The more we are able to engage our creative energy, and find paths to live wisely and by what we love doing and being, the more we create good fortune for ourselves moving forward.  A key piece to consider during this time in this process is to check in with how you are using or abusing the power you have in life.  Where we are willing to act responsibly and use our influence to assist ourselves and others, and making choices that nurture well-being, we are using our power wisely.  Where we seek out control, operate destructively and competitively or even revengefully, we are misusing our power.  It is important to understand this right now; because the misuse of our power shows us where we are on a self-destructive path and in need of making some strong shifts and changes.

From January 17th through the end of the month, it becomes even more important to make our own decisions and not allow others to influence us or get in our head; no matter how much we respect or value their opinion.  It is important at this time for you to keep your thoughts on what is best for you, even if others do not agree with it.  This time is about what works for you, not what others want to see you do or what works for them.  This is a time where you may also prefer to be alone with your thoughts; and this can be valuable in being able to see things a little more clearly.

This is a time for keeping your mind on operating in truth and integrity.  It is choosing the wisdom of operating with morals and ethics that will create successes at this time.  Lies and deception can have drastic outcomes, and be more damaging than usual.  The reactions from experiencing lies and deception, or unfolding them can be far more dramatic than usual; triggering rebellion, fighting and revenge choices. However, taking these paths is not only unwise; but self-destructive.

We want to use our mind to transcend the “dark” way of thinking, and to consider what will help us to transcend the situation.  How can we transform and rise up out of the ruin that we feel?  It is during this period that we are likely to see damaging weather patterns where people are operating in highly negative thinking, allowing themselves to become consumed by their feelings instead of transformed by them.  Re-directing our thoughts and keeping them focused on soulful insights or nurturing the soul self, will be the most beneficial for us to move through what challenges us.

I welcome you to consider where you are in your abundant self, and where you are operating from materialism.

I welcome you to consider ways to add to your self-sufficiency.

I welcome you to focus on what is best for you, and not just what others want you to do.

I welcome you to know what the truth is, and stay focused on that instead of letting others convince you otherwise.

I welcome you to stay focused on soulful insights, and how you can nurture your soul self.

 Nourishing The Soul

From January 1st – January 13th will be a time for us to consider how soulful our relationships are, and how much we are in true partnership with others. This is a time where there can be upheaval with relationships and partnerships, and are unlikely to be happy with anything that is based on a strong spiritual foundation.  People are looking for soul connections, and for those that will help them to live vertically; honoring spiritual values and principals.  For some they will be drawn to a fantasy relationship; or use relationships to escape from reality or responsibilities.  We should be very careful of any that fall into this last dynamic as it can lead us into some dangerous spaces through making poor decisions or disregarding the responsibilities that we have.

During this time our head is not clear; and it is not favorable for making any major decisions. This is a brainstorming time, not a decision making time; and anyone pressuring you into decisions, does not have your best interest in mind.  The soul will feel most alive right now where we honor doing things for ourselves.  It is important to seize the opportunities that allow us to care for ourselves since this time period can also indicate upheaval or the unexpected happening.  The amount of upheaval experienced at this time is directly connected with how much we are standing on and walking the soul’s path; and the way we are using our power or influence in the world.

Emotionally we may be more impacted by disasters or upheaval in the world than normal. Things may shift and change without warning; and the impact of storms or natural disasters may hit harder than normal. We are likely to see things be more severe where there is a stronger misuse of power and influence.

With that being said, it is possible for success to come in those areas where we stand true to ourselves, implement wisdom, and focus on what we can do to create greater freedom in our lives.  During this time we will want to release our material addictions; allowing us to come into alignment with our soul’s way of existing, and that is where we find true fulfillment.

From January 14th through the end of the month, we are asked to support our soul by realizing where we are full of wisdom and awareness; and where we need to engage the expertise of others.  It is during this time that it can be very valuable to stand up for ourselves; and to voice our opinions.  This time naturally favors being heard; and the impact of speaking from the soul self will affect all aspects of our own self in all existences.  It is a time that when we do what honors our soul self, we are likely to increase the support we have and also increase our ability to be successful.  There will be people that will want to stand up and support us as we stand up for ourselves.

This time however, can also trigger the drama queens; and increase charisma.  While this can be very beneficial for magnetizing things and people into our life; it is important that we do this from a pure space, and do not use any manipulation.  We must also be careful of those that are trying to be charming in order to sway us.  People are seeking command during this time; however, the real key will be in focusing on how to command your own life instead of others.  You want people in your life, because they have chosen to be there due to your authenticity and standing in your soul self; not because you manipulated and charmed them into being there.

See what you can do to integrate the soul self and the material world.  The more harmonious of a relationship that you can create between these two components; the greater your influence will be over your life.  This is also a good thing to look for in others. Take note to who is walking their talk; and not just who wants you to follow them, or who wants to win a popularity contest.

I welcome you to reflect where you are having soulful relationships; and how you can have more soulful relationships in your life.

I welcome you to brainstorm from your soul self; and make decisions based on what aligns you with your soul self, instead of allowing others to influence you.

I welcome you to release your material addictions.

I welcome you to know where you are working with your soul’s wisdom; and where you need to gain the expertise of others.

I welcome you to find ways to integrate your soul self and the material world. What can you do to create a more harmonious relationship between them?

The Code Journey ~ Jesse An Nichols George

[watchmegetobsessed]

Shawn Mendes // Boundaries Part 4

soooo thankful for the likes and reblogs and COMMENTS ( i love reading your opinion!) in blown away the first three parts are already so popular and the notes are just comin and coming so... keep em comin! haha here is part 4, enjoy, let me know what you think!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

Something has changed after that party in the penthouse. I guess the bathroom incident had a deep impact on Shawn and his view of my life and job, because for the rest of the week we listened to country music every day on our way to different events. Dinners, brunches, friendly meetups with crew members or just simply strolling through the city. Before all of these we listened to his music and I never saw Grumpy Shawn again.

Well, this is not entirely true. I saw him in his grumpy mood, but his way of approaching me in those times changed. I wasn’t a stupid slut anymore, I felt like an equal partner and this is all I wanted. To be treated like a normal human being.

On Thursday we officially stepped up into the stage where we hold each other’s hand on the street, so obviously the media was blown. Not because of us walking hand in hand, but because we were getting official and they still knew exactly nothing about me. Not even my name and I feel like a super cool undercover agent.

All together, I finally started enjoying work, cause it doesn’t feel like I’m working, it’s like I’m just casually hanging out with a friend. But don’t fear, I’m still keeping my distance keeping my name and real address to myself and it’s not going to change for sure.

“Can you stop shaking your leg?” Shawn asks chuckling as he stuffs another fry into his mouth. I just roll my eyes at him smiling happily.

“I can’t, I’m too excited. I’m seeing Justin Timberlake perform tonight!”

“I know, I bought the tickets.”

“Haha. You know, it’s not an everyday thing for me to see my childhood favorite perform.” I steal a fry from his plate and dip it into ketchup.

“I thought you are not interested in celebrities and the media.”

“I’m not, but I was when I was fifteen,” I shrug my shoulder.

I see him smile at me shaking his head as he turns his face to the side, but his smile slowly fades away and I know he is about to share something with me, he is just trying to phrase it.

“Um, there might be a chance that we meet someone tonight.”

I stop eating, because it sounds like something that’s important to him and I want to give him all my attention.

“Who would that be?”

“Camila,” he quietly says and then quickly adds: “Camila Cabello.”

“Your friend, right?”

He has mentioned Camila before and from what I heard they must have been best friends for a long time, but they don’t see each other that often anymore. He never told me about his feelings about their relationship, but if I had to take a guess he had feelings for her… Or still has? Not sure about that.

“Yes. We talked about the concert, she said she might come with her boyfriend.”

At the mentioning of the boyfriend I see the slightest sign of disgust and anger in his eyes, but it disappears pretty fast. I can tell it matter to him a lot, so my task is to make it easier for him and just be there when he needs me.

“Then, I guess it’ll be a double date!” I say with a grin on my face, trying to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, I guess.” He chuckles softly and I hope he is not too nervous about tonight.

 As a part two of today’s date we grab a coffee before heading to the concert, it’s a tea for me, because I’m more of a tea person. The traffic is heavy, but it was expected, everyone is interested in Justin! We are at a red light when I grab my compact mirror and check myself, just to make sure I haven’t turn into a panda just yet.

“What are you doing?” he asks as I’m moving around the mirror, trying to find some light.

“Just making sure your girlfriend looks presentable,” I click my tongue as a car’s headlight aims at us for a few moments and I immediately use the opportunity. My makeup is still good, so I close the mirror and slide it back into my purse.

“You don’t need to check, you always look pretty.”

I stop mid-movement and turn to him smiling and I raise my eyebrows at him.

“Oh, was this a compliment?”

“I guess?” he lets out an awkward chuckle and I imagine his cheeks turning pink, though I can’t see it in the dark and I’ve never seen him blush, I still like the image.

“Well thank you then. It’s nice to know you are satisfied with my look,” I add jokingly.

“I never told you otherwise.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t exactly say it. You just told me my job is to look pretty, how do I know I succeeded?”

I’m totally just joking with this comment, but he gets suspiciously quiet and doesn’t laugh with me, so I glance at him and see that his expressions are quite serious.

“Hey, I was just joking.”

“I know, but… That doesn’t mean I wasn’t an asshole when I said that.”

I can’t reply to that, because it’s true. He was an asshole and I’m not gonna deny it, I hate covering things up.

“I’m sorry for the way I acted, I was just… very concerned about Andrew’s plan.” He sighs as we hit another red light and he turns to me. “I didn’t mean it, I’ve just been very jumpy lately, and the fact that I had to hire an escort to help myself out just…”

“It was a kick to your ego,” I finish for him and he nods.

“Pretty much.”

“Look, I’m not here because you are unable to maintain a normal relationship or because you are a disaster when it comes to dating. I’m mostly here because I can’t be found, I’m not losing anything by becoming a target for a month and this way you’ll be able to finally move on from your failed relationships. And by the way those are totally normal, don’t think you are the only one who gets dumped, you just have to go through it publicly. So don’t feel bad about yourself.”

I can tell my small pep talk helped him, because a wide smile appears on his handsome face as the light turns green and we continue our drive and it makes me feel so much better than we cleared everything up. I wish it didn’t take almost an entire week to do this, but whatever.

  For me, attending a concert means crowd, waiting in line and then some waiting in the crowd. I haven’t been to many shows, one, because they are expensive as hell and two… well, I guess it’s just the money. But I should have expected my experience with Shawn would be a whole different one. We go straight to the backstage, Shawn parks the car down and two security guards are already waiting for us, no surprise. At the entrance we get passes with a photo and our name on it. Taking a look at it I see that this is the photo clients get when they get my short info, but it also catches my eyes that my real name is on the pass.

“I’m sorry, they didn’t let us use your fake name,” he whispers as he sees me staring at the pass. I take a look at the center where Naya Duvall is spelled in big blue letters.

“It’s fine. I know the security is strict.” I give him a small smile, but I hide the pass under my hoodie so no one can spot my name. The last thing I need is to have my name out in the public, that would destroy everything. Not just the plan but my whole life.

Shawn reaches for my hand and we lace our fingers together, it’s a natural act by now, but it somehow relaxes me. My anxiety I sometimes get from the crowd and the attention gets easier when I feel his hand holding mine. God, I sound like a teenage girl!

I check the time, we still have like half an hour before the show starts, I’m starting to get really excited and I just want to take our seats finally, but Shawn doesn’t seem to be interested in it just yet.

“I swear, if we miss the first song, I’ll murder you,” I tell him with a serious face, but he just laughs at me.

“Okay, we can leave and take our seats, but then you miss the surprise.” He has a mysterious smile on his face and I don’t really understand what he is talking about.

“Surprise? What surprise?” I ask getting nervous. I hope he didn’t buy me jewelry or something, that would ruin the friendly atmosphere between us and I don’t want that.

He pulls his phone out and the grin on his face just grows bigger before looking back at me.

“Since you’ve been fangirling in the last two days about tonight, I thought I would give you the best experience ever.”

“What are yo-“ I start, but then someone grabs my shoulder and turns me a bit and then I see… I see Justin Timberlake standing right in front of me, in all of his glory and my teenage self would have already peed herself right at this moment. “What the fuck!” I gasp as I shift my gaze back and force between Shawn and Justin.

“Hi Fleur, nice to meet you,” Justin chuckles ignoring my horrible language and he pulls me into a hug that I return more than happily.

“It’s nice to meet you too! I can’t believe I’m finally meeting the man I was in love for so long!”

“Only was?” he gasps pretending to be hurt as we let go of each other and I just shake my head laughing.

“I mean, you are married, I’m grown… I had to let go at one point.”

“Very rational. She is a keeper, man,” he says as he highfives with Shawn and I step back next to my fake boyfriend, because he just made me the happiest girl on the Earth, work or no work.

“I know, right?”

“Do you want to take a picture? I’m sorry, I don’t have much time though I would love to talk with you guys, but it’s just a chaos sometime,” he excuses himself and I already have my phone out, handing it to a guard as I stand next to Justin while I quickly fix my hair. Just before the picture is taken I see that Shawn is standing at the side.

“Hey, come here,” I ask him and his eyebrows raise.

“Me? Oh no, it’s your photo.”

“Yes, and I want the man who made it happen in it.”

I hold my arm out and after a few seconds of hesitation he finally gives in and stands on my other side, putting his arm on my waist. For a moment I think about that two of the most handsome men are holding me right now, and this brings the widest smile to my face as I look into the camera.

“Thank you, I hope you’ll enjoy the concert guys,” Justin hugs me again as he is about to run and do his duty.

“Thank you! Good luck on stage!” I smile at him, watch the guys shake hands and he is already gone.

I turn around and basically throw myself on Shawn hugging his neck so tight for a moment I think I’m suffocating him, but I just can’t hold myself back. He just brought Justin Timberlake out to meet me, and right now Shawn Mendes is my favorite person in the world.

“Thank you so much!” I squeak in his ear as he wraps his arms around me chuckling.

“It was nothing, no problem.”

“It was everything! Thank you so so so much!”

I finally let go of him and as I lean back our faces get extremely close for a moment. I freeze and the thought of kissing him crosses my mind, but as fast as it comes, it leaves immediately and I tell myself I’m stupid and I should pull my shit together. I only feel this way because the guy just brought Justin Timberlake to me and I feel like I have to thank him in a different way.

And the saddest part is that getting physical is the first thing that comes to my mind…

We stand there for a few short seconds before I lean back and turn my head totally breaking the moment and making it even a bit awkward.

“Um, so… Can we go to our seats now?” I ask to somehow cover up the awkwardness of the situation. He scratches the back of his neck nodding.

“Sure, let’s go.”

Can’t help but feel awkward following our movie like moment with our faces almost touching and I just want something happen to make us forget about it. Well, maybe next I’ll be more careful about what I wish…

A guard walks us out of the bactstage to the sector that is, as he said, private, so basically Justin’s guests and other celebrities can have these seats. As we approach this area I totally forget about what we talked about earlier, meeting Camila. So I’m truly surprised when I hear a woman basically scream Shawn’s name and someone throws themselves on him, almost winding me off of my feet too.

“Hey, Camila,” Shawn chuckles hugging the girl tight as I stand behind them, feeling like a total outsider. I look over their shoulders and see a tall, blue eyed man standing there just as awkward as me. He must be the boyfriend.

“I’m so happy you are here, I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!” She leans back holding onto Shawn’s shoulders. I’m also much shorter than him, but Camila looks so small next to him. To be honest, most people look small next to Shawn and his amazing height.

“Yeah, I guess we both are busy,” he chuckles shrugging his shoulder.

“Sure, but I see you’ve been busier this week!” Her eyes shift to me and suddenly I’m in the middle of her attention. “Strolling around the city with your new lady and you haven’t even mentioned her to me! Hey!” She basically pushes Shawn to the side and stands in front of me holding her hand out that I nicely take. “I’m Camila.”

“Fleur,” I smile at her and I think the handshake is all, but she pulls me into a hug too.

“Beautiful name for a gorgeous girl! Fleur, this is my boyfriend, Matthew.”

I shake hands with the tall guy, still smiling and after the first round of introductions we finally take our seats. I’m sitting next to Shawn, then Camila and on the other end Matthew.

“We almost had to cancel, but Matthew moved his meeting so we could come and I’m so happy, because it’s a double date now!” She genuinely seems happy to see us, but it’s a bit too much for me.

And looking at Shawn he also feels uncomfortable, probably because he is on a double date with the girl he had or has feelings for, her boyfriend, and his own fake girlfriend. Not the dreamiest scenario one would wish for.

He looks tensed, he is holding onto the armrest of the seat and is avoiding eye-contact with Camila as much as possible. I’m surprised she hasn’t noticed it, he changed so fast from the moment we met them, even I can tell the difference.

I put a hand on the hand he has on the armrest between us and lace our fingers together. For anyone it must look like a romantic gesture, just a small couple thing, but for me it means that I’m letting him know he is not here alone and I’m supporting him no matter what. This is not really part of my life, maybe I will never see Camila and Matthew again ever, so if he wants to flip a table, I’m here for it. If he wants to make them think we are disgustingly in love, go for it. If he decides to leave right now I wouldn’t hold a grudge. Okay, that’s not true, I want to see Justin perform at least two songs. But you get the point. The choice is his.

He smiles at me thankfully as he pulls our hands to his lap and covers mine with his other one. I lean closer and now we definitely look like a real couple. Camila notices it too.

“You guys look so cute together! How did you meet?”

We freeze.

It has never been discussed, because we were never really supposed to give any info out about us, so we exchange a look and I see the fear in his eyes, he has no idea what to do.

“We met at… at an art gallery,” I suddenly say and now this is the story we have to go with, I guess.

“And art gallery,” Shawn repeats it, almost like savoring the sound of it.

“Yeah,” I nod. “He and Andrew were there, just wandering around and I happened to check it out the same time with my friend. We stood next to each other at one of the paintings and discussed our opinions. Then he…”

“I asked her out for coffee,” he adds jumping in on the fake story and we smile at each other knowingly. “But she told me that she is more like a tea person. So we ended up drinking green tea,” I can’t help but smile at the fact that he remembered this tiny detail. “We talked and talked and then I saved her from a creep on our way home.”

“Yes you did,” I chuckle and no one knows we are talking about the bathroom incident.

“And I asked for your number and called you immediately for a second date.”

“And I said yes.”

“The rest is history,” he adds almost whispering and I’m starting to get lost in his eyes. This is not the worst fake story, so I’m satisfied with it, I wish this was our real story…

“This is so sweet!”

We break eye-contact hearing Camila’s voice and kind of come back to reality. I shake my head lightly to clear my thoughts. I zoned out on Shawn for the second time tonight, I really should pull my shit together.

“I’m so happy for you guys and I love that you are the mystery girl for everyone. How do you do this? I mean, staying this low-key.”

“I don’t use social media. I don’t really use internet,” I add shrugging and I watch her eyes go wide for a moment. I know, it’s crazy!

“Wow, you are… the coolest person I know. Shawn, keep her.” She pats him on the back and he just chuckles, giving my hand a squeeze.

The concert is… everything I dreamed of. I’m all over the place by the end. I shout, I scream, I chant, I sing and have the time of my life, while Shawn next to me seems amused by how wild I go over Justin. I can’t sit on my ass, I basically jump up the moment he comes on stage and I pull Shawn with me who starts dancing with me, but in a more subtle way.

“I’m not a big dancer,” he shouts into my ear as I’m jumping up and down and pull on his arm to move with me.

“What?” I ask, but I think he could only read it from my mouth over the music. “Come on, you are a musician!”

“I know, but dancing is just not my cup of tea,” he shrugs his shoulder and this is when Camila leans over to us.

“True! Tried to get him to dance for years, he refuses to do more than just moving his shoulders around and stepping from left to right.”

“I’m just not great at dancing!” Shawn exclaims throwing his hands in the air with an awkward smile.

The lights are dancing on his face as he rolls his eyes when Camila just laughs and turns back to his boyfriend shouting to him something. He doesn’t notice, but I see his eyes linger over her with desire as he glances at them shortly. The smile vanishes from his face and then turns his attention back to the stage. The pain in his eyes is just devastating. Must be hard to face the girl you were or still are in love with, especially if you have to witness her happiness with another man.

When the concert is over and the lights come back so I’m not about to get a seizure anymore, I turn to Shawn and the lovey-dovey couple on his right.

“Hey, why don’t we have a late night snack somewhere? This double date is so cool, I would love to hang out with you guys,” Camila offers as Matthew is standing behind her, circling his arms around her tiny figure. I see Shawn getting tensed at the thought of going with them and watching their show for any longer, but I also know that he won’t be able to say no.

Unlike me.

Before he could speak up I step closer to him and take his hand with the sweetest smile on my face.

“I already planned out a surprise for us, I’m sorry. But maybe some other time?” I don’t want to sound rude, because to be honest, Camila didn’t do anything, but I don’t want Shawn to suffer any longer. I had the time of my life tonight, I can’t let him deteriorate in the meanwhile.

He gives me a surprised look, but doesn’t protest against me. Camila seems genuinely sad, but she doesn’t force her will on us accepting that this double date has come to its end now.

“Oh okay. I really hope we meet sometime soon, Fleur.” She hugs me tightly before doing the same with Shawn. Matthew just shakes hand nicely with both of us before we go head to the backstage where they lounge for a while, but we decide it’s better to leave.

A guard walks us out to our car and Shawn turns to me from behind the wheel.

“So, is there really a surprise or you just said that so we didn’t have to spend the rest of the night with them?”

“I do have a surprise. Give me your phone.” I hold out my hand with a proud face. He chuckles, but does as I told him and when I have his phone I type in an address so he knows which way he has to go. I put it into the holder on the dashboard and start the route. “Just follow.”

“Okay?!” He seems confused and was sure I didn’t have anything planned out.

We roll out of the parking lot and pass by a big group of fans, probably waiting for Justin to show up, but then they see Shawn and start screaming as if it was Justin in the car. Shawn waves through the window, but doesn’t stop, just slowly enrolls into the traffic leaving the fans behind.

He reaches for the radio and a smile spreads across my face because one, I know he is about to put on his country music and two, this means his mood is not as bad as I thought it was.

“What?” he asks glancing at me shortly when he sees me smiling.

“Nothing.”

“Why are you so smiley?” he chuckles, his eyes are shifting between me, the phone screen and the road.

“It’s just… I know you are in a good mood when we listen to country music in the car,” I softly say and watch him think about it. I’m sure he hasn’t even noticed, it’s just a habit of his that is totally natural for him, but for me it tells a lot.

“And you don’t like country music?” he asks and I can sense what he really meant by it.

“I like it. I like listening to country music,” I quietly say before turning my head to the window while he turns the music on and we drive through the lively streets of New York.

 “So we turned down Camila’s offer to have a late night snack to come all the way to Bronx and… have a late night snack?” Shawn concludes as he turns the car off once we are parked. It’s past midnight and the streets are nothing like the atmosphere was around the stadium. The parking lot is almost empty, there’s only one car in the corner, the street lights aren’t giving enough light to see comfortably, but the small pizzeria’s neon lights are coloring the night, letting the night owls know that Luigi’s is open 0-24.

“No. I ended our awkward double date to come here and show you the place where you can get the best pizza on Earth.”

He shakes his head laughing as we get out of the car. I can’t help but feel weird being here again and especially with Shawn. The last time I walked these streets I was nineteen and in deep trouble. Not that I got rid of all the trouble by now but I’m kind of more in control that I was before.

Shawn doesn’t say a word, he just follows me into the small pizzeria that’s heaven for the young people of the area. It’s a beloved destination after a party filled night or if you have the early shift, nothing is open but you are dying to eat something delicious. Or if you are just roaming the streets deep in thoughts and suddenly feel hungry, but you know there’s no food at home. Luigi is always here for you.

The familiar sound of the small bell above the door greets us as we walk into the lit place, flinching a bit from the sudden light compared to the street. I only see a man eating two slices of margarita pizza at the table next to the window and a tall boy who can’t be older than fifteen is focused on his phone’s screen near the cash register, chewing on a pepperoni pizza. The bell’s sound brings Luigi out from the back and suddenly I feel sixteen again as he smiles at us.

The man barely changed, his almost entirely bald head is shining under the lamps, his mustache is grey bud as proud as ever and his big belly is wrapped in a white apron.

“Welcome, welcome!” he greets us as he steps to the counter that’s full of the most delicious pizza slices. One glimpse and your mouth is already watering up, getting your body ready to get blown away by the taste of Luigi's masterpieces.

“Hi Luigi,” I smile at him stepping to the counter with Shawn right behind me. He is looking around curiously.

“Long time no see. Is everything alright Sweetheart?” he asks.

He doesn’t know my name, or anyone’s in fact, but he remembers the faces. You come here more than three times and Luigi will remember you forever. He calls every girl or woman Sweetheart while all the boys and men are his Brothers.

“Yes. Just brought here a friend to show him the best pizza,” I say glancing at Shawn who has been examining the food in front of him and at the mentioning of him he looks up and smiles at Luigi.

“Good, good. What can I get you?”

“Two slices of the margarita and two from the prosciutto, please.” I barely end my sentence and he is already topping the slices on two plates and hands us them.

“Ten dollars, Sweetheart.”

Shawn immediately reaches for his wallet, but I stop him and hand a ten dollar bill over to Luigi and throwing a few coins into the tip jar earning a thankful smile from Luigi.

“My treat. Come on, grab your plate and let’s sit down,” I tell him with my two slices in my hand as I head to the corner table.

“So, may I ask why you wanted to bring me here?” he asks as we take our seats across from each other.

“I told you, I wanted to show you where you can get the best pizza in Earth.”

“But how do you know about this place?”

“Take a bite first and then I’ll tell you.”

He chuckles taking the margarita in his hand. He eyes the slice for a few seconds before biting into it and I watch him taste Heaven. His eyes widen and looks at that pizza as if he just found his future wife. The proudest smile appears on my face as I lean back in my seat and start eating mine.

“Oh my God. This really is the best I’ve ever tasted.”

“I told you,” I shrug with a grin.

We eat in silence for a few minutes until he finishes the first slice and looks at me.

“So, what’s the story?” I knew he wouldn’t let go of it and I don’t even know why I even brought him here. This is a place from my past, my personal life and I don’t have a second thought when I start talking. I just feel comfortable with sharing it with him.

“I used to come here a lot when I was in high school. My school was ten blocks from here and me and my friends hung out all the time here. And since it’s open 0-24 we often ended up here after a nightout.” Many of my favorite memories from my teenage years happened around here. There’s nothing like hanging out on your usual spot with friends, sharing funny stories and making even more. The worst part was when I was forced to go home and face the reality that my life was.

“You spent a lot of nights out when you were in high school?”

“I guess,” I shrug my shoulder, because I don’t know what is considered much, but I know I spent more time away from home than anyone else I knew. I was always the first one to hit the street and the last one to go home, because I would have rather just wandered around in the middle of the night than to go home. “I didn’t like being home, so I mostly hung out somewhere with my friends or crash at their place. I was pretty much a vagabond, but officially I had a home. But I didn’t look for trouble on purpose may I add.”

“What was the problem with being home?” he asks, but when I look into his eyes he regrets the question. “You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine,” I smile weakly swallowing the food I was chewing on. “Um, my… I never knew my father and my mom was an alcoholic.”

I’m waiting for the usual “so sorry, must have been hard” talk, but he stays silent and it feels so much better than hearing him pity me.

“You said was,” he speaks up after a while, when he is finished with eating.

“Huh?”

“You said your mom was an alcoholic. What is the past tense for?” He asks and now I understand. He wants to know if she is dead or recovered.

“I haven’t seen her in three years, I don’t know what… she is like now,” I admit and I realize this is the first time I’m talking about my family in two years. The last time was when I just started at the Nook and didn’t cope well with the pressure and the work and broke down in tears to Josie, cried my heart out while she listened. Then she made me a hot-chocolate and told me that the past can’t be changed but you can decide how you want to treat it. I chose to deny it and pretend like it never happened.

I can see the sadness in his eyes at the mention of my poor relationship with my mom and it’s weighting on us heavily as I finish my second slice as well. I regret telling him about my mom as the silence is getting thicker, but then he speaks up and suddenly the weight feels so much lighter.

“I haven’t felt normal in almost two years.” His eyes are playing around with the crust that has fallen off of his pizza, he is moving it around his empty plate.

“What do you mean normal?”

“I’m always on the road, my days are jampacked and by the end of the day I feel numb. I love doing what I do, but I miss just being one person in the crowd and not the person the crowd is here for.”

“Can’t you, I don’t know, take a vacation?” I ask and I’m afraid I said something stupid. I clearly don’t know what it feels like to have all the attention all the time.

“I can’t make people not recognize me.” He sighs looking up at me as he elbows on the table with a sad smile.

We sit there in silence, taking in what was just said and with each passing moment it feels more and more intimate. Somehow through our worries and problems we found a way to connect without a word and at first I don’t even realize what this means. It just feels so refreshing to sit here with him in silence and I forget that I’m still working. It doesn’t feel like a job at this moment, it’s more like two friends sharing some deep secrets in the middle of the night over some pizza somewhere in Bronx.

It’s almost one in the morning when we leave Luigi’s and head back. On the way, sitting in the dark I refuse to think what tonight meant for me, for us. I give myself a break to just enjoy a moment, but at the back of my mind I know I’ve done a mistake. Because at the end of the day Shawn is still paying me after every minute we spend together and I’m still an escort with debts as big as mountains, A very troubled past and an even more complicated present. And I shouldn’t be confusing these moments and think they are real.

Because I can’t make the same mistake again and end up in pieces.

[the-lupine-sojourner]

Eijiro/Takara one-shot from Eijiro’s PoV [kind of a bonus chapter, but also kinda separate]

So...this is an idea I’ve had for a while, but @elite-guard-hardygal and I were talking and they did this challenge where you write something nonstop in, like, an hour or something, so I thought ‘yeah, let’s do it!’ and out came this last night but then I was too tired to post it so I went to bed. Take this thing as you will. 

Like the title says, it’s kind of a bonus chapter, but not really. It’s just my brain trying to explain Eijiro’s feelings and actions around Takara, and how they’re changing. Anyway, I’m also tagging @dailyojiromashirao , @souskena, and @fandoms-fandoms-everywhere99 but feel free to ignore guys! Next chapter of Takara’s Hero Academia is coming soon, okay!

Hope you all like this little one-shot! :)

God Bless and Good Day! 

~The Lupine Sojourner

Eijiro really wished he could Harden his stomach so he wouldn’t feel nauseous as he headed on to the bus for the practical entrance exam for UA.

But, alas, he couldn’t, so he climbed aboard and sat down in misery. He wished the test would hurry up and be over already. He didn’t really even pay attention when someone sat beside him. “Hey.” He mumbles, not really even looking at the person and not expecting anything to come of it, his small smile half-hearted at best.

“Hello.” It was a girl, apparently, and she was responding, so Eijiro continued to face her. May as well use this as a distraction, right? Besides, his mother raised him to be polite, so he extends a hand.

“I’m Eijiro Kirishima.” The brunette girl smiles. He notices her brown eyes have flecks of blue in them like sapphires dropped on the ground. He blinks. Where’d that come from?

=#=#=#=#=

Walking into UA as a student was a surreal experience for him. Sure, he put it down as his top choice and gave the exam his all (with that girl, Takara, right beside him. Teaming up with her was awesome, even if it felt a little like cheating due to her earth quirk vibration thing), but to actually pass and get into UA? That was something else!

He could only hope he’d see more of Takara in the future. There was something so...genuine and outgoing about that girl. She wore her heart on her sleeve and spoke her mind. She wasn’t afraid to do what she wanted and help those she could along the way.

Eijiro thought she was very manly, in her own ways. Like Crimson Riot said, manliness wasn’t dedicated only to males. It applied to any gender. And Takara...Takara was manly.

“Hey, Eijiro!” Speak of the angel and she shall- -angel?! Wha- -no, no, no! Contain yourself! Eijiro scolds himself internally.

“Hey, Takara!” He replies, swallowing the emotions bubbling up in him at calling her an angel, even if it was just in his head. She’s standing in the UA uniform, stockings beneath the skirt and looking absolutely made for UA. She definitely belonged here. Beside her was her father, Present Mic. It was...weird seeing him as a teacher, not some DJ or announcer, but Eijiro played it cool. Present Mic nudges Takara, whispering something that makes her blush and- -holy shit she’s so cute when she’s blushing!

Wait...no, no! Stop thinking like that! You just met a few months ago! Stoppit! Eijiro growls at himself, praying his face was still neutral as Takara hisses in reply before turning back to Eijiro, looking a little embarrassed. Damn, she was cute! Friends can think friends are cute, right?

=#=#=#=#=

Watching Takara as excited as he was for the rescue training was torture! How was he supposed to concentrate on the training ahead when she was sitting right beside him and positively bouncing in excitement?! In her hero outfit, too! That outfit looked outstanding on her like she was born to wear it. His outfit felt super lame in comparison, but Takara had liked it, even blushing a little as she complimented it, so Eijiro felt a little better about it.

Eijiro was admittedly surprised when Tsu compared Midoriya’s Quirk to All Might’s, but he could see the resemblance when he thought about it. However, there was a difference. Takara is first to point it out, smiling as usual. Izuku looks relieved when the spotlight was off him and Takara didn’t mind being the center of attention.

Eijiro envied that. He pretended he didn’t mind, that nothing bothered him, but the truth was he was camera shy and awkward when it came to being in the spotlight. Eijiro smiles, deciding to add to Takara’s note about All Might’s Quirk not damaging his body.

“Yeah, and that makes a huge difference.” Takara looks at him gratefully and Eijiro feels his heart swell a little. She was so cute sometimes. “Still, I bet it’s cool to have a simple augmenting type-a Quirk. You could do a lot of flashy stuff with it.” He was just thinking aloud now, holding up a hand and Hardening it. “My Hardneing’s super strong and can stop bad guys in a fight, but it doesn’t look all that impressive.” Takara shakes her head.

“Not true!” She counters. “It’s super cool! Makes you look like a badass!” Dear Lord she was too sweet! He bites his lip to keep from blushing. “I might draw attention using my Water or Earth Quirk, but I’ll take whatever damage I can’t dodge or block. You won’t.” He is surprised she likes his dull, boring Quirk so much, but he’s also not about to let her compliment him without something in return and says the first thing that came to his mind.

“But both your Quirks are so cool!” He blurts. Takara blinks. However, Izuku is next to speak.

“I think your Quirk looks really cool, Kirishima!” He says. “You’re definitely Pro material with a Quirk like that!” Eijiro squirms a little sheepishly.

“You really think so? Seems like it’d be easier if I had something flashier.” Eijiro couldn’t believe it! Two people, each with amazing Quirks of their own, liked his stupid Quirk?! His heart fills with happiness, and his eyes lock on to Takara.

“Nah.” She says, smiling genuinely at him. “It’s not what the Quirk is, it’s how you use it that matters. You can have pretty much any Quirk and still become a popular hero if you’re willing to work at it and learn how to use your Quirk better. Mom and Dad taught me that when we started working on my Quirks together.” Eijiro smiles. He was happy she had such an outlook, but it was hard to believe her when there was a lifetime of evidence that his Quirk wasn’t impressive at all. However, if Takara said his Quirk could be impressive, he’d put in the work to prove her right. He’d show her that she was right to believe in and support him.

“I’ve been wondering, Takara.” Tsu interjects, derailing the previous conversation, “I know the Yamadas are your parents, but...you don’t look like them.” Takara squirms a little and Eijiro is about to intervene to save Takara from an obviously uncomfortable topic, but Takara then clears her throat.

“We-well, Mom’s my godmother.” Such a simple statement, but what an impact it had.

The unspoken truth settled in Eijiro’s mind. She was once orphaned, taken in by her godmother and raised in a family she wasn’t born into. Suddenly, everything about Takara seemed a little clearer: why she didn’t have siblings, why her Quirks were so different than the Yamadas, and why she really didn’t look much like them at all. Eijiro found a new appreciation for Takara and looks at her in awe. She was so strong to have been through that and still come out smiling and happy and friendly!

=#=#=#=#=

When Eijiro saw the smoke villain suddenly appear in front of the class, only one thought rang through his head.

This will not be like middle school! I’ll actually do something this time! I won’t stand by!

When Eijiro leapt out at the smoky villain, he wasn’t all that shocked to see Bakugo leap out with him. What he was shocked at was Takara, though perhaps that shouldn’t have been that surprised, considering that she always was the first to defend her friends or help someone. Eijiro was happy he wasn’t alone, though. This was easily the most scared he’d ever been, regardless of the brave face he put on and the words he spoke.

When the smoke villain enveloped them in thick purple smoke, claiming their objective in attacking the USJ was killing All Might and the students, Eijiro instinctively grabbed Takara by the waist, hoping he could keep her with him and protect her as the wind from the swirling smoke intensified. This was nuts! How were these villains supposed to kill All Might!? It was clear they’d thought this out, and Eijiro prayed they’d survive.

When Takara was yanked out of his grasp, his heart shattered. He hadn’t made a difference. He’d only made things worse by provoking the villain with his idiotic attack! Damnit! He could only wonder where Takara was sent as he felt himself free fall into a concrete floor of a building, hearing Bakugo screaming in rage, pain, and shock beside him. That hothead was not Eijiro’s ideal pick for a battle buddy, but he’d have to make due, he supposed.

When Bakugo and Eijiro teamed up, they were virtually unstoppable, turns out. They had this unknown connection allowing them to defeat the group of baddies in the earthquake zone (he thinks it’s the earthquake zone, anyway) with relative ease. Throughout the entire fight, Eijiro couldn’t stop thinking about Takara. He couldn’t do anything about it, though, til he got through these bad guys.

When he got to the main square, following Katsuki to start looking for Takara, he was stunned by what he saw. These guys looked tough! A hell of a lot tougher than the thugs he and Bakugo had taken down. Worst of all, they had All Might! The hero was held by some giant human-like...thing, the smoky villain’s warp quirk allowing the huge thing to subdue the Symbol of Peace. Then Eijiro looked around.

When he saw Takara, he nearly gagged. She was covered in blood and her leg was bent unnaturally. Her chest seemed...off and he races over in the middle of whatever unimportant thing he’d been about to say. Takara was so much more important to him than showing off or fighting right now.

When he picks her up, he nearly puts her back down when she lets out a loud hiss of agony. Eijiro set off with her in his arms. Everything else can wait. He had to make sure Takara was okay! She’d been so genuine and amazing to him since their chance meeting on the bus, so long ago, he couldn’t imagine losing her like this. He shudders at the thought of what would have happened if he hadn’t gotten to her in time. He looks over his shoulder as he carries her and sees All Might now free from the grasp of that giant...thing.

When he asks what happened, Takara replies “Nomu.” Was that huge thing that held All Might ‘Nomu’? Was it ‘Nomu’ who did this to his Takara? If he wasn’t so worried, he’d run right back there and make that bastard pay! Takara’s groans and winces distract him from his thoughts of revenge and remind him of his task. He had to protect his Takara! (wait... his Takara?! When did he start thinking of her like that?! That’s not appropriate or respectful at all!)

When he apologizes for not holding on to her (being too damn weak to accomplish his goals), Takara is quick to tell him he’d have been hurt, too. He understands what she’s trying to say and doesn’t take it personally. He still feels shitty for not keeping a grip on her when they were separated, even though Takara tries to tell him otherwise.  

When he sees his teacher, in worse shape than Takara, something breaks in him. Mrs. Yamada had been so brave, leaping down to hold off the villains like that, and now she’d been nearly killed. Turns out, the thing that hurt Takara also hurt Mrs. Yamada, and Eijiro is furious but unwilling to stray from his mission to protect his best friend (best friend was a safe title right? Not like ‘angel’ or ‘his’ Takara). He had to get her away from the fight!

When the other teachers show up, he can’t help breaking down, trying desperately to keep it together long enough to get her up the rest of the godforsaken stairs. Now that the teachers were here, things would be okay, right? He wouldn’t lose Takara, right? He was allowed to cry now, wasn’t he?

When he gets to the top of the stairs, his tears flow as he sobs for help. He’d never admit it aloud, but the stairs were so long and he was already so tired from fighting that he couldn’t keep hiding his terror and fears. He was so tired, but he couldn’t rest yet. Not til he knew Takara would be okay! His efforts couldn’t have been in vain, right?!

When Present Mic sobs briefly over his daughter, Eijiro’s own tears are added to the mix. If he’d been there, he’d have been able to help. If he’d been stronger, this wouldn’t have happened...

When the Voice Hero charges Eijiro with looking after Takara, he takes it very seriously, making sure to stay with her in the ambulance ride to the hospital, where he reluctantly had to stay in the waiting room, the minutes ticking by slowly, every second torture.

When he’s finally let back to see her, he races to her room, stopping to compose himself before walking in. He didn’t want to appear too desperate or weird...even though she likely wouldn’t care. She was so sweet like that.

When he sees her, when he knows she’s okay, the painful worry in his chest lessens a little.

When he sees her, everything’s a little better. Just a little. He then sees her cast and bandages and feels the guilt and shame return full force and he can’t help voicing it.

When he expresses regret for not holding on to her again, falling back into those dark thoughts, she is there with soft, gentle words that lift the crushing guilt and shame he felt a little.

When she tells him ‘I’ll be okay’, he believes her.

[queenofnohr]

Ok so as a brief departure from OC ramblings, tonight I’m gonna talk about Sekiro’s ending(s) and why they were........... not bad, but a little bit of a letdown for me personally? Spoilers abound for anyone who cares about that.

If any of y’all’s interest was piqued at my Genichiro DLC of dreams this might be a good thing to read to see where I’m coming from before I get into that (I also felt the need to make this before I could post anything about what I had planned for the DLC of Dreams).

ANYWAY. (spoiler tag because I talked too much as per usual)

It’s been a couple months so I finally feel, I guess, good about talking about Sekiro’s ending and Genichiro’s role re:the ending since it seemed, from a cursory glance, to be a bit of a Thing back when the game first came out.

For those unaware, the debate went more or less “I’m disappointed because I wanted the final showdown with Genichiro to be better” vs. “Genichiro was supposed to be easy because it’s supposed to cement that he’s a punk-ass bitch who needs gramps to help out”

And...... obviously I’m biased, but I think there’s room for interpretation on how Genichiro is supposed to be read throughout the narrative (certainly, part of the ENTIRE NARRATIVE is “the people and establishments you thought were the biggest and baddest (aka Ashina as a whole) are actually big fish in a small pond and currently wayyyyyyy out of their depth”) but I’m not actually here to debate whether he’s supposed to be “strong” or not.

What I’m saying is, as the final fight stands, he isn’t desperate enough. I understand why they essentially didn’t change his boss fight - Isshin is the true final boss and they wanted this cinematic seamless flow between Genichiro and Isshin, and if Genichiro was too hard or too different, it would’ve been a pain in the ass, even for a FromSoft game. Still, Genichiro’s unchanged moveset is a huge disappointment on two fronts:

1. He has a reused moveset in a game where 2 other major bosses have largely reused movesets (Guardian Ape and Corrupted Monk) with some added gimmicks thrown in (I’ll give the True Monk’s third form a pass since that did legitimately change it up, although the other two phases are more or less the same (no, her shadow clone intermission does not count))

2. Even if the takeaway you get from him isn’t that he’s supposed to be “powerful,” if anything, the game consistently frames him as desperate. The fact that he can’t use his lightning, his Mortal Blade strikes are just some of his regular moves with added range that don’t even do anything extra, and he doesn’t even pull out his bow even though that’s his defining feature and definitely one of the trickier aspects of his moveset (not to mention the thing he is in-game known for - c’mon people, it’s even in his name) just..... does the exact opposite of giving him that feeling of desperation. He’s an easy fight, he doesn’t even pull out all the stops, and then he hands it off to gramps after what feels like nothing more than a light tussle. For FromSoft, whom I trust with my life with storytelling through gameplay, it feels like a ball dropped even if Isshin is there afterward.

As an aside, I’ll also add in that I really liked how Bloodborne handled its multiple endings. That is, how each ending was punctuated by a different final boss depending on your decisions/what ending you got. Even though the Moon Presence is definitely easier than German, I feel it’s still a battle that leaves a satisfying impact to lead into the true/secret/at the very least hardest ending to get.

In Sekiro, a lot of things are mirrored between each other. We have all the forms of immortality that might stem from the same thing, but are fundamentally different in their mechanics (and all bad in their own ways), we have different types of waters with corrupting influence (Rejuvenating Waters, Fountainhead waters), and even our main characters reflect each other (Okami, Emma, and Genichiro were all orphaned sometime during or very soon after the rebellion, adopted by some of the greats, and have a kind of legacy to uphold).

And, on the last note, the game goes out of its way to have Genichiro mirror Okami, right down to him receiving a Mortal Blade of his own. He also punctuates each phase of the game; The Iconic Sekiro scene is the showdown with him among the silvergrass, his fight atop Ashina castle is more or less when you learn How To Play The Game if you’d simply been geetting by however (like I did lol), and all the details leading up to the end - the cutscene right after you beat him, eavesdropping on Isshin and Emma, the Black Mortal Blade, the time of day slowly changing with the anticipation building for that final showdown under the moonlight among the silvergrass once more..... - make for what at least Should Have Been another punctuation, even if he isn’t necessarily the final boss. But for all they talk of him shedding his humanity, for all Isshin and Emma show both concern and (at least in Isshin’s case) almost admiration/respect (we’ll go into their complicated relationship another day) for his resolve to throw everything away for Ashina, the gameplay takes all of it and throws it out with his mediocre showing. It doesn’t even feel like a bait-and-switch of which good ones have some foreshadowing, some bent to know what will ultimately happen even if it angles hard in another direction (so, when it happens you’re stuck mouth agape holding your head in your hands just like “OF COURSE!!!! I SHOULDVE SEEN IT COMING!!!!), but this..... doesn’t do that. All the information we get goes in one direction - the only thing that’s a giveaway is his association with Ashina itself - but even then, we see Ashina grow desperate, we see Nightjar take the Rejuvenating Waters (and the awful, awful descriptions of their “custom” Bite Downs), we see the Ashina Elite below Isshin’s room apologize to him and take it as well, we see the last stand of Ashina ashigaru, we see soldiers who once stood against us begging us to save their fellows - and we see none of that from Genichiro.

The thing is, I don’t think he needs to be difficult to be able to have impact.

Before getting into his fixes, I’ll note what I did like because, under certain circumstances, I do enjoy the ending in its most vanilla form.

That is, Genichiro having a lackluster fight, admitting his own shortcoming, and taking off his own head to bring back gramps to both metaphorically and literally bring Ashina back from the dead is actually.......... really, really good and - dare I say - Cinematic Poetry........ but only in regards to the Purification Ending. Because he and Okami remain mirrored - Okami refuses to allow the cycles that have persisted to continue and has it end with him as he sacrifices himself to save Kuro. The reason the ending feels too easy aside from Genichiro’s actual gameplay mechanics is because there’s all his talk of shedding humanity, all the talk of Shura...... But him admitting his own shortcomings and passing the torch to someone else is extremely....... human? It’s not that it’s not desperate, necessarily, but it’s so..... controlled. Those are not the actions of a man who downed stuff that would potentially drive him mad and consume him with rage and make him unable to tell friend from foe for the sake of saving the very same people that would be put at risk from his potential madness. But I like it in the context of the Purification ending because Okami himself becomes more human in sacrificing himself, and so it fits that Genichiro would wrangle his humanity in some small way and behead himself, just as Okami does, to save what he loves most.

Even so, I still think that the fight that in the fight that comes beforehand he should at least pull out all the stops, even if it means cutting down his health and/or posture bar to make the fight less obnoxious. (Although the other option is literally just........ don’t make the player fight Genichiro again if they beat him. Just have Isshin there already.)

As for other endings......... I’ll detail the Dragon’s Homecoming Ending in my DLC of dreams post because that, at least, is highly dependent on that lore. But for the Severance ending? That end is all about cycles being repeated, falling prey to what you commit yourself to even if you have to “shed your humanity” for it. Kuro is the only thing it seems like Okami truly cares about, and yet because he is duty bound to follow his lord’s orders no matter what, he kills a part of himself along with Kuro when he performs the Severance. Kuro represents his humanity - their bond is the only way Okami does have different endings to pursue should he indulge that humanity. And so, for Genichiro....... why not have him commit himself fully to becoming a monster? He doesn’t necessarily have to be strong/difficult, but seeing that transformation is key. In fact, give him 5 health bars and make the last three easy as sin. Have him buckle down and commit himself to this even though some part of him knows it won’t work, because he doesn’t know any other way to be. Have him die pitifully, in disgrace, as the player takes out his third health bar, and before he can land a hit in, his fourth, and before he can even get up, take his fifth. Have him desperately becoming more monstrous as his body won’t allow him to die, to no real difference. Land the final blow with the mortal blade while he’s writhing on the ground, willing himself to get up. If he was supposed to be pitiful, if his decision to throw everything away was supposed to be pathetic, with a miserable showing, then make him pitiful. Don’t make him easy. Make him the sorry sight he’s supposed to be.

[organizingconceptsanddesign-blog]

Monthly Archives: January 2019

Top 10 Times to Hire a Professional Organizer

Posted on

January 20, 2019

“Organization isn’t about perfection; it’s about efficiency, reducing stress and clutter, saving time and money and improving your overall quality of life.”    ~ Christina Scalise ~

If you are going through a major life transition that’s left your home in disarray, have a big move in your future or are simply overwhelmed by clutter, a Professional Organizer could provide the help you need.

Here are the 10 top reasons/times why people should consider hiring a Professional Organizer:

1.You Want to Get Organized But Don’t Have The Time: · Decluttering and organizing, whether a single room or an entire house, are time-consuming. · If and when you are able to devote time to your organizing project, it’s always better, quicker and more fun with help. It also helps to get another perspective. · If “getting organized” has been on your to-do list for weeks, months or even years, consider whether it’s time to finally make it happen. · A Professional Organizer can guide you through the process, handle the removal of unwanted items and put systems into place so that you can make the most of your space.

2.You’re Moving: . Hiring a Professional Organizer to help before, during or after a move can be a lifesaver. Leading up to a move, an organizer can help declutter and organize your home and stage your home for sale which can, in turn, help you get more money for your home. A survey by Coldwell Banker Real Estate Corp. found that staged homes spent half the time on the market than non-staged homes and sold for more than 6% above asking price. · Scaling back before moving also means less weight and less space in the moving truck, which results in a less costly move, something that can have a significant financial impact, especially if you’re moving long-distance. · Finally, an organizer can help you unpack your belongings in your new home and set up systems so you’re organized from the get-go. · We make sure that your new home is organized so that things are accessible, functional and look great too.

3.You’re Remodeling: · Make the most of your new space by hiring a Professional Organizer to optimize every shelf, cupboard and drawer so that your new space functions as beautifully as it looks. · As much as we’d like to believe that our gorgeous new kitchen will never have piles of clutter on the counters, the truth is that without a plan, we’ll just fall back on our old habits. · An organizer can make sure your space is set up in a way that encourages order, so it’s easier to keep things organized, even months or years down the road.

4.You Work or Run a Business From Home: · Whether you telecommute one day each week or run a business from home full time, staying organized can help you stay at the top of your game. · Office workers waste an average of 40% of their workday. Not because they aren’t smart, but because they were never taught organizing skills to cope with the increasing workloads and demands, Wall Street Journal Report. · A Professional Organizer can help you rein in a messy home office, organize files and paperwork and set up your space to best support your business.

5.You’re in a Major Life Transition: · When big life changes are happening — health challenges, the death of a loved one, divorce, the arrival of a new baby, aging parents — the last thing you may want to focus on is organizing. Yet when you have other things going on that leave you without the physical or emotional energy to keep your home life running smoothly, that only adds to the stress and chaos. · A Professional Organizer can help bring a sense of order to your home when you need it most. Here are just a few ways we can help in a trying time: o Organize baby gear for new parents o Help aging parents who need to downsize o Help you sort and organize a deceased loved one’s belongings o Get a fresh start and reclaim your space after a divorce

6.Your Papers Are a Complete Disaster: · Are piles of unsorted papers the bane of your existence? Instead of putting off organizing them yet again, consider hiring a Professional Organizer to help you sort through them. . Paperwork has been voted the biggest burden for small businesses. · A Professional Organizer can help you figure out what needs to be kept and which documents can be safely discarded. We can then set up a filing system uniquely tailored to your needs and help you discern which paper management system works for you.

7.One Area Is Driving You Nuts: · There might one area in your home that just feels disorganized. It could be the garage, attic or basement — or even a storage unit you’ve been renting for so long that you hardly remember what’s in it. · Professional Organizers are not fazed by overstuffed spaces! We can help you tackle even the most daunting storage area and transform it into a functional space.

8.You Want to Make Everyday Tasks Easier: · Proper organization can go a long way toward making everyday tasks and routines run more smoothly. · If you want to eat more healthfully or cook more meals at home, a Professional Organizer can whip your fridge and pantry into shape, making it easier to find ingredients and prepare meals. · We can also help create a neat laundry room, streamline cleaning supplies and set up routines and systems to make your household run more efficiently. You can then spend your time doing more of what you want to be doing and less time managing your stuff.

9.You Need Accountability: · If you really want to get organized but you’re just not getting it done on your own, accountability could be the missing piece. · The great thing about hiring a Professional Organizer is that this person can also act as an accountability partner. Simply knowing that someone will be checking up on your progress can be enough to spur you into action between visits.

10.You’re Totally Overwhelmed: · If clutter is taking over your home and you just can’t take it anymore, a Professional Organizer can immediately begin to ease your burden. · You don’t need to feel embarrassed by the state of your home. Most Professional Organizers really have seen it all. Further, as a Member of NAPO, the National Association of Professional Organizers, we abide by a code of conduct and ethics. We do not pass judgment. We’re there to help you.

[corvid-knight]

A Quick Lesson In Saying Goodbye

Dave has a dream about someone long dead. 

(Read it on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12824328) 

I only know that I’m done dreaming when I feel a hand on my shoulder, shaking me too gently to be Karkat. Even  before I’m all the way awake, I can feel wetness on my face…fuck. Crying in my sleep again, not that it’s a surprise. My mind’s still half-in the dream, too—until I force myself to open my eyes, all I can see is Bro’s last grin, amused but still so fucking heartbreaking.

The sense of disconnect gets worse for a second when I do open my eyes, because the face frowning down at me is only a little different from the one in my head, and the hand on my shoulder is wearing those shitty fingerless gloves. It’s not him, though. Well…maybe a little. Biologically yes, but no in every way that matters.

"You all right?“ Dirk asks.

It’s weird. My voice sticks in my throat. I nod anyway, sitting up on the couch and swiping one sleeve across my face to get rid of the tears. Too bad my eyes haven’t gotten the message to stop dripping yet… "Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” I halfway don’t want to look at him—falling asleep halfway through a party is stupid and having him wake me up after the thing’s over because I’m crying is fucking lame—but on another level I need to stare at him, satisfy myself that he’s not dead. Not Bro and not dead. I end up rubbing my eyes like a little kid, trying to stare at him without being all that obvious. “I’m okay.”

He’s not wearing his shades; normally that’d help to get the weird déjà vu to dissipate, but not this time. Right now all it means is that I can tell when he’s looking at me, and he does for a couple seconds before sitting down on the couch next to me, leaning over to pick up my shades off the floor. “Nightmares.” He doesn’t make it a question, more of an open-ended statement. For once, though, I do want to talk.

"Not really.“ I take the shades, setting them on my lap and rubbing the last of the wetness out of my eyes. "A dream, yeah, maybe a bad one. But…just sad. Not shit to be afraid of.”

"Even the sad ones suck, though…and I’m guessing it’s worse for you.“ Dirk frowns, blinks, and adds, "The Time stuff, I mean. I know you probably went through more bad shit than any of us.”

"Maybe. Sometimes.“ I dream about the doomed timelines a lot; it scares the shit out of Karkat when it happens. Those nightmares are horrible. "This wasn’t about that, though. It wasn’t a dreambubble either.”

"You still get those?“

"Not that often anymore, but yeah.” I never know how to feel about the bubbles. They hurt, sometimes, but talking to ghosts isn’t something I really want to stop doing. “I just…this wasn’t memories, wasn’t dreambubbles, wasn’t even meaningless random shit. I don’t know.” I put my shades on. Apparently I might not be done crying, because they fog up more or less immediately; I take them off and start polishing them with my shirt. “You ever get dreams that you know shouldn’t mean anything, but you think they do anyway?”

Dirk considers for a minute, then shrugs. “I dream about the game a lot,” he says, “about all the ways I could’ve fucked up, or being back on Earth and never meeting another human, being the only one left in an empty session with no door out, taking a metaphysical wrong turn somewhere and ending up as one of the versions of me that're even worse than who I am. Or just meaningless random shit, like you said.” "Different versions of you. Bro?“

"That’s one of the scary ones, yeah.”

"That’s who I was dreaming about.“ My shades are clean; I really don’t need to keep wiping at them but I do need a reason not to look at him. It’s blatantly obvious avoidance tactics, but I do need an excuse to not look at him as I talk. "Bro.” My eyes itch.

Dirk’s looking at me. I don’t have to look at him to know it; I can feel it. “You okay?” Does he know how much his voice reminds me of Bro sometimes? I hope not.

"I’m okay.“

"You want to talk?”

Fuck yes, please. “If you’re okay with listening, yeah.”

I look up at him as he nods. I can’t stop fidgeting with my shades as I start talking. The whole dream’s so fucking clear in my memory, easy to drag out—there are things that actually happened that I don’t remember half this well.

**********

The roof. I’d spent a lot of time here, once. Not that it used to look like this—the rest of the city gone dark, chunks of the skyline missing where something made impact with the ground, smashing buildings like toys. It was barely recognisable, actually.

And the sky…that, I recognised, but it was still wrong. No stars, but brighter than if there was. The sky, the actual fabric of reality, was cracked open in spiderweb fractures from horizon to horizon, spectrums of color coruscating where the void wasn’t.

I have no clue how long I just sat there with my legs hanging off the edge, watching the colors change and thinking about the fact that this was our fault. Well, maybe that wasn’t what I meant…but we, me and people I knew, were the reason that the sky was broken. We’d set into motion events that changed the structure of reality. Destroyed it a bit, maybe.

I wasn’t sure what to think about that, so as much as I could, I didn’t think. About anything. If time was passing, I couldn’t sense it, and for awhile nothing changed but the sky.

"Hey, lil’ man.“

He almost made me jump. Almost. Instead, I just turned my head. "Didn’t you die?” Had he been there the whole time, lying back with his hands behind his head and watching the sky? “You look like shit.”

Bro rolled his eyes at me—fuck, when was the last time I’d seen him without his shades?—and grinned, pushing himself up onto his elbows.“Wrong on the first count, but I ain’t gonna argue on the second.” Any other time, the amount of blood on him would have made me dizzy, but right now? Just made me achingly sad. Maybe confused as to how he was functioning at all—there was a wet stain in the center of his chest, and although I didn’t want to look all that closely, I was pretty sure his throat had been cut, from the amount of blood there. “Don’t worry, though. You’ll be right on both counts in a little while.”

"You’re dying.“ Fuck. Again.

Bro nodded, still smiling. "Yep. But hey, you’re not. Means I did my job right, huh?”

"Fuck no you didn’t.“ I said it and knew I shouldn’t be saying it, but him thinking he did any part of raising me right—other than not actually killing me or getting me killed—sent a spike of half-blinding anger into my head. "What part are you saying you did right? Beating the shit out of me? Taking off for months, letting me fend for myself? Fuckin’ Cal, are you calling that shit right? It wasn’t, none of it was, and you fuckin’ know it.”

He let me finish without stopping me, without even losing his faint smile, and even waited a couple seconds to be sure I was done. “You’re alive, though. Stay that way, kid.” And her reached across with one hand, trying to ruffle my hair.

The fact that I could dodge him that easily drove home the point that yeah, he was dying. Most of my anger evaporated—what was the point? “Fuck you, Bro.” And because I wouldn’t get another chance, and I was still pissed: “You know I hated you, right?”

"Really.“ I’d expected some kind of reaction from him—anger, maybe, or scorn. Something other than him just looking up at the sky for another moment before sitting all the way up and turning to me. "You know I cared about you, right?”

There was absolutely nothing about him that suggested he was lying. He believed that shit, and I shook my head. “Like fuck you did.”

"No, really. Everything I did was to give you a better chance, keep you alive in this damn thing. You’re a good kid, y'know? Would’ve sucked if I spent that much time on you and you went and got yourself creamed in your fuckin’ game.“

"Fuck you.” I’d said that once already, but he didn’t seem to be getting the message. Might as well repeat it. “You did what you did ‘cause it was easier to kick my ass and fuck my head up than to teach me shit like a fuckin’ normal person. You were a bastard then and you’re an asshole now, and you don’t get to turn it around and call it what was best for me.” I was getting angry again, somehow without losing any of the sadness. God, but this was pointless—it couldn’t change anything that’d happened, and he sure as hell wouldn’t be changing. “You—fuck. Fuck you.”

If he’d gotten angry, I would’ve been okay. Scared, but okay. Instead he just shrugged, staring at me as if he’d never bothered to take a good look before. Come to think of it, maybe he hadn’t. “You said you hated me,” he said quietly.

"Damn straight.“

"Nah, you said 'hated.’ Past tense. You hate me right now, lil’ man?”

"I—" I could’ve lied, easy. Except I really couldn’t. “No.” He was my Bro, and the awful thing was that he’d been a good brother sometimes. Maybe not often, maybe not for a long time, but hey. I didn’t forget the good shit. And he was dying, and as stupid as it was, my eyes were getting blurry. “F-fuck you, alright?”

He tilted his head, and I don’t think I’d ever seen that expression on his face before. “Aw, hell, kid.” This time when he reached for me he moved slower than before. I was still too fucking tired to dodge, even though I could see blood on his hand and I didn’t exactly want that touching me. “You’re cryin’, lil’ man.”

His fingers felt damp against my face, but when he took his hand away and I went to wipe at where he’d touched, my fingers came away clean. “Stupid.”

"Nah.“ Pity. Maybe that was what that look was. Or regret. Either way, something I’d never gotten out of him. "That ain’t stupid, just human. Least someone’s gonna remember me.” He sighed, slumping a little and looking down at the mess of what used to be Houston. “For what it’s worth, I think I did my best. I loved you, kid. Love you now. If I wasn’t on my way out—”

"Just shut up.“ It came out a hell of a lot harsher than I’d meant it to. He was telling the truth. That was the horrible thing. He did think he hadn’t done anything wrong, and I knew he was wrong. And in the end, it didn’t matter. "I don’t hate you. Not all the time. It’s not worth it.” I’d already said most of the pointless things I could to him, but I still had at least one more. “Fuck, Bro, why’d you get yourself killed like this?”

My voice cracked halfway through the sentence. I think that the moment I knew it was a dream was when Bro stared at me, shrugged, and reached over to wrap his arms around me. He’d never done that, he would never do that, and for a second I was fully aware that none of this was even a little real, and I could’ve broken out of it. Instead, I just hugged him. Forgot about the reality or lack thereof of all this, forgot about the blood, forgot about all the stupid pointless shit for some length of time that I didn’t bother trying to keep track of.

However long it was, it wasn’t long enough before he winced and let me go, pushing me back gently. God, I almost wished he wasn’t being gentle. That’d make shit easier. “You gonna be alright, lil’ man?”

Good fucking question. “Yeah.” I was shaking my head even as I said it, wiping at my eyes with my sleeve. “I—fuck, I miss you. I’m pissed at you, I hate you, and I fuckin’ hate you. And it just—it gets worse, 'cause I hate myself for caring about you 'n I feel like shit for hating you when you’re gone because of me, it’s so—so fucking stupid—”

"Shh.“ He shook his head, glancing out at the ruined city, folding one arm across his chest and grimacing before looking back at me. "I know. I know, kid, it sucks.” He reached over with his free hand, lacing his fingers through mine and giving them a quick squeeze before letting go. “If it was my choice, I’d make you forget me. Everything about me—good shit, bad shit, the whole shebang. You’re a good kid…wish I didn’t have to leave you.” One more look out at the skyline, his hand coming up to rub at the cut around his neck. “My time’s just about up…the guardian’s almost here. Can you give me a hand up, kid?”

"Yeah.“ I got to my feet, grabbing his hand and trying to pull him up. If I’d been able to get ahold of both of his hands it would’ve been a piece of cake, but he wouldn’t or couldn’t take his other arm away from where it was pressed against his chest. In the end, I pulled his arm across my shoulders, dragging him to his feet and letting him lean against me. "What’s the guardian, Bro?”

For a second he didn’t answer, breathing heavy and leaning on me for support. He might not have been hurting before, but now he sure as hell was now. “The one that’s coming to get me…it’ll be whatever I deserve.” He’d been looking out at the skyline, eyes half-focused; now he glanced at me again, smiling a little. “Probably an animal, that’s what I think…what d'you think it’ll be?”

I didn’t think about it. “Eagle.” Didn’t know why I picked it, either, but Bro laughed, a genuinely amused grin spreading across his face. "Never been that brave, kid.“ He pulled out of my grip, and even though I didn’t want to let go, I didn’t have a choice. "Never been that innocent, either.” This time when he reached out to ruffle my hair, I didn’t dodge it. “I’m sorry.”

I opened my mouth. Closed it again. There’s no fucking answer to that, you know? Not, “it’s okay,” because it isn’t, not “you should be,” even though that’s the truth. Nothing. Maybe the fact that my eyes were so blurry I could barely see him was some kind of answer in itself, I don’t know, but when he took his hand away I had to close my eyes, blink away some of the tears, and wipe at my face for a second.

When I opened my eyes again, he wasn’t looking at me anymore, and the cracks in the sky weren’t the brightest thing there.

The guardian wasn’t like anything I’d ever seen before, but when I looked at it I still felt like it was familiar—an animal, not quite a wolf and not quite a lion but a little like both, faceless and covered in pure white fur that could have been soft or could have been made out of a thousand million tiny needles, standing calmly on the air just past the edge of the roof with its long tail switching back and forth. Next to it, Bro looked like a kid. An amazed, terrified, hurt kid. Reminded me of myself, from some time before now, and fuck but that hurt.

"Bro…“ My voice cracked and almost quit, but I forced one more sentence out. "I don’t want you to go.”

I got a glance back from him, and a shrug, and a grin that spoke of some painful (but still amusing) cosmic joke that I was missing out on. “Sorry, Dave…”

And he took two steps forward, staggering before he stepped off the edge and catching himself on the guardian, wrapping his arms around its neck and burying his face in its fur. I blinked, and the bloodstains on his clothes and skin faded away. Blinked again, and I was the only thing alive in that place.

**********

"After that,“ I say, not looking at anything except my hands in my lap—definitely not at Dirk— "I think I just cried until you woke me up.” I’m just thankful he let me talk through the whole thing. He hasn’t asked questions, hasn’t done anything other than listen and, when I started crying again, reached over to put a hand on my shoulder. “Which…fuck, I didn’t cry this much when he really died, it’s so fucking stupid..."

I want to be able to not be crying. That isn’t happening.

"I don’t think it’s stupid,“ Dirk says quietly. "Shit takes time to sink in, you start to forget the aspects of him that were worth hating…you can’t always say goodbye at the right time. There isn’t a wrong way to feel about his being gone, you know?”

"Wish it didn’t hurt.“ When I put my shades on they don’t fog up, thank god, and I can finally look up at Dirk. "Wish he was—fuck, I don’t know…my mind wants him to have been like you are, worth having as a brother, worth mourning and missing and whatever, but he’s not.”

Dirk blinks. Several times. “I don’t know what went wrong that he wasn’t,” he says. “I’m glad you think I’m better than he was. I’m sorry he wasn’t better.”

"Not your fault.“ I sigh, and lean against him. "He sucked, but you…you make up for it…thanks, man.”

He’s smiling. Just a little. “No problem, Dave.”

[breegullbeakreviews]

Summary: At last we all live in a Pokémon world and you can be the greatest master of them all. Explore the real world catching and battling Pokémon in the seminal mobile game based off that one franchise with the yellow mouse.

Overall: While certainly a better experience in more urban areas, it’s free and worth trying out if you somehow haven’t already, and with all of the updates since launch it’s absolutely an experience worth coming back to if you left it behind.

Pokémon Go is hard to talk about for me. It’s a systems driven game with a lot of systems I don’t fully grasp, but I guess that’s Pokémon in a nutshell and always has been for me. If you played Pokémon Go at launch and fell off then the picture in your head of what this game has grown into is probably really dated or off. A lot has changed in two years and I’m going to try and convince you that it’s worth coming back to now.

First off there is now a main quest of sorts. Research comes in both field and special varieties. Field research is gained at Pokéstops and you can have up to 3 tracked at any time. These challenges have a lot of variety and offer some much needed structure to the game. Maybe you simply need to battle in a Raid. Maybe spin ten Pokéstops. Each nets you a small reward items it’s Pokémon encounter. There is no time limit to these tasks and you can remove tasks you don’t want to complete. Completing one a day though adds up. Doing tasks on seven different, but not necessarily consecutive days nets you a reward. You get a bundle of items and exp along with a shot at catching a Legendary Pokémon. This cycles occasionally. It’s a relatively new feature but it seems like it’ll be once a month.

Special research is essentially a main quest line. You currently can’t opt out or skip these at all. These longer and more time consuming tasks come in sets of three, each of which gives you a big exp boost. Doing all three in a level nets you an even bigger exp bonus, and a set of items usually hidden behind a pay wall or raids along with the next set of tasks. Now why do all of these hard tasks? Well currently at the end lies Mew, and that’s a goal worth working towards as Mew is not available by any other means.

Gyms got a massive overhaul in time for the one year celebration of Pokémon Go. Gyms now can only hold six Pokémon max, and you can only have one Pokémon of each species, so you can have just one Blissey in the gym. You no longer need to earn spots in the gym, as long as it isn’t full or under attack you can slide your Pokémon in. Instead of earning coins while holding a gym, you get a max of 50 a day for losing the gym. The actual amount of coins you get vary based on how long the gym was held. Gyms are also now Pokéstops with a bonus for players on the team holding the gym. Along with the update you get badges for each gym you hold. It’s basically a way to say how much effort you’ve put into the gym with stats for how long you’ve held it, berries used to heal it’s Pokémon, and how many battles you’ve won here. Basically the new systems promotes gym turn over as opposed to keeping it on lockdown.

Now for Raids. Of the post launch features this is the one I’m least over the moon about. In fact I’d say I’m not actually a fan of it at all. Pokémon Go’s raids are an attempt to realize that initial reveal trailer where hundreds of players swarm a single area to catch Mewtwo. In hindsight that trailer is hilarious. A maximum of 20 players can battle a single Pokémon and if they beat it in three minutes, they get some items and a chance to catch it. No hundred player epics. These pop up at gyms with about 40 to 60 minutes of heads up and another 40 to 60 minutes in which you can start the battle. The big problem with raids is that unless you have an active community of players you will never complete the higher level raids, and sadly, at least up until the research update, this was the only way to catch any Legendary Pokémon. Battling in a big group is fun, but it’s certainly not the norm. I’m lucky that my college campus has an active Pokémon Go scene, but before I started there I’d just see a Lugia raid and think “well I’ll never get that”. Raids feel really exclusionary, especially EX raids, which reward those who do a lot of raids with a ticket to a special raid to catch Mewtwo at a predetermined time and gym. It’s a special club and it makes me feel like I’ll never complete the Pokédex. Oh and you only get one free raid pass a day so if you want to spend the day chasing a Legendary be ready to spend some of those Pokécoins or some real money on them. Oh and the real kicker is that you need to be trainer level 25 to get into raids. This was dropped from the ridiculous 35 when this feature launched, but that level is still to damn high. Trainer level 5 was fine for gyms, but considering how much of a grind leveling becomes that means not a lot of people are going to ever get the chance to try this out.

Both Raids and Gyms will damage your Pokémon, but there are no Pokémon Centers. All healing is still item based which can get real tedious real fast. Along with better Pokéballs, higher trainer levels net you access to better potions and even max revives. Every increase to your trainer level increases the maximum level you can power up your Pokémon to with the current trainer level capping at 40. I’m not a huge fan of how the better stuff is gated off.

Catching Pokémon hasn’t changed much since day one. You touch the Pokéball and swipe up towards the Pokémon. The speed, angle, spin, and when you release the ball determine the arc and distance of the throw as well as if it’s a curve ball. Pokémon no longer sit still. Pokémon will occasionally move around. Every Pokémon has an attack animation that will deflect a Pokéball while it’s running and depending on the Pokémon it could jump, dart around the screen, or move about in other ways. That’s where the berries come in. Razz berries will make the next Pokéball to hit a Pokémon more likely to be successful and a Golden Razz berry does the same but better. That latter is only a reward for raids and some research. Nanab berries slow the erratic movement down and Pinap berries increase the amount of candy you get from catching the Pokémon. Note that all of these effects only apply to the next successful throw and only one can be applied at a time. This means you can run through them rather quickly and that you’ll likely favor certain berries depending on the situation.

There are over 300 Pokémon now with Kanto, Johto, and Hoenn Pokémon all in the game. It’s a massive amount of variety to catch and train, but I’d imagine it makes early days for new players a nightmare. With the addition of Hoenn a weather system was added. Like a real weather forecast it’s not always accurate, but weather it does impact the game. Visually it changes up the game with different textures and effects. Gameplay wise certain types of a Pokémon will appear more often, be stronger, and even earn you more stardust for capturing them. And of course in battle these same types of moves get a boost. This goes beyond just water, fire, and ice types. Every type of Pokémon fits into at least one weather type so everyone gets a shake at showing up more.

I’ve brought up Pokécoins, this games premium currency, but I guess I’ve eventually got to talk about what you can spend it on. Besides extra raid passes there is quite a lot. Special bundles of items are offered for limited times containing a lot of these, but I’ve never bought any of these. All I’ve ever bought was Pokémon and item storage upgrades. Each costs 200 coins a piece regularly and each upgrade increases the storage capacity by 50. There is a hard limit for each, I believe 2000 each, but it’s grown from the 1000 each it use to be. Temporary experience boosters called lucky eggs can be bought alone or in bulk. Same goes for lures and incense. Both lure Pokémon for 30 minutes but the latter needs to be applied to a Pokéstop but everyone can share while the other is for just the one player but can be used on the go. Standard Pokéballs and Max potions can be bought as well, but the only other item of any real interest is the Egg Incubator. While it’s only got three uses before in breaks unlike the infinite one you start with, it increases the value of just walking.

Pokémon Go also has a big cosmetic shop for decking out your trainer. I understand the appeal, but the prices are pretty ridiculous considering I don’t often even look at the trainers at all. It’s all about the Pokémon. Some items are barred behind the in-game medal system which means not everyone can dress up as a Fisherman, but you still need to buy the items afterwards which isn’t ideal.

And lastly back to walking. This is more a personal thing, but I actually lost weight playing this game. I’d go on daily walks just to hatch eggs and hit a few Pokéstops. As far as exercise games go, Pokémon Go might secretly be the best in the genre. While my experience can’t account for your living space nor can Niantic when adapting the world as is to a functional game space. If you are lucky enough to live in an urban enough area you’ve got an excuse to get up and go everyday.

[samibetache2000]

How Streaming services and youtube are taking over modern day tv:

I mean when was the last time you turned on your tv, I mean it’s probably on all day every day right but are you watching actual tv and unless your over fifty I think theres a big chance the answer is no.

When I ask someone what they’re watching on there tv there answer is simply Netflix or Youtube or something other streaming platform but what exactly is Netflix and let’s actually take a second to look at its dominance.

Netflix is an American streaming platform founded in 1997 in Scotts valley, California by Reed Hastings and Marc Randolph, on this platform there is a enormous library of films, series’s and Netflix original’s.

Its available worldwide bar a few countries due to political reasons, grossing 24.96 billion dollars last year with around 203 million paying users that’s about the entire population of England, France and Germany combined, if we keep it uk focused with the population of 66 million in that figure 15 million have a paid Netflix account averaging 1/4.5 people which is crazy considering that most people share accounts too.

The reason for Netflix’s dominance in my opinion is due to many things, the interface is so easy to navigate giving you genres and recommendations based on previously watched content and also a simple search bar, the variety of content is unmatched from kids to +18 movies and series’s available in a multitude of different languages and also translation and subtitles on almost everything.

And in my opinion the main reason for there success is there Netflix originals as there only available to watch on Netflix, the success of shows such as Stranger Things, 13 reasons why, black mirror, You, Money Heist (La Casa de papel) …. Etc makes a Netflix subscription a must have.

However Netflix although currently unmatched are starting to face stiff competition form the likes of Amazon Prime and Disney+, Amazon prime might sound confusing as Amazon is usually the delivery service and prime being the option for next day delivery however in recent years they begun taking there streaming service seriously also by making amazon exclusive Films and Series’s and securing the rights to hundreds of popular movies and elite shows like Vikings.

Disney+ however is a relatively new streaming service which was only launched 15 months ago and has already amassed a whopping 95 million paid subscribers which is almost half of what Netflix has despite Netflix being 21 years older, and this success is due to the fact everyone loves Disney and is also the parent company of two of the most popular franchises in TV history in Start Wars and Marvel, and they started of right with a Star Wars exclusive in the Mandalorian and now debuted one of three marvel tv shows announced in Wanda Vision on top of that they have every Disney movie ever made which includes some of the biggest movies of all time like Frozen, Home Alone and Cars. If I has to bet on any service dethroning Netflix at the top Disney+ is definitely the one.

The only thing that is really going for “Normal TV” at the moment is live sports as personally for me it’s the only reason I have actual channels, and that probably explains why the TV right for live sports are so expensive, some of the numbers are stupid.

Just from UK based Sky and BT alone pay over three billion pounds a season for rights to showcase there matches and the premier league are believed to actually bank 5.5 billion globally when you include other companies, ESPN pay the NFL 1.9 billion dollars a season for there rights, with ESPN, ABC, and Turner Sports paying 2.7 billion dollars a year for the NBA.

No tv shows or anything else on TV even comes close to these figures and that’s why I think that if it wasn’t for live sports “Normal TV” would be dead.

Even networks like BBC and ITV have realised this starting there own streaming services in BBC iPlayer and ITV HUB respectively showcasing all there programs on there essentially for free however to access the BBC iPlayer you need to have paid the £165 tv license fee however, even a 5 year old can get around by literally just lying when they ask as theres no verification process whatsoever.

The major issue approaching for “Normal TV” is that even Live sports are realising this and are looking into streaming services with many already making the switch, think of WWE despite having multi billion dollar deals with USA network and FOX respectively there main shows are all shown on the WWE network from there pay per views to there documentaries to a library of classic event and matches and guess what its been extremely successful for them and you can’t be surprised, with 1.5 million paid subscribers and an annual revenue in the millions.

UFC are also trying something similar with UFC fight pass broadcasting lots of different fighting promotions and also a library similar to WWE’s where you get historic fights and events and anything fighting related you want to watch really.

However most of the UFC pay per views are actually on another streaming service and probably the most successful sport streaming service in the US in ESPN+ with 11.5 million paid subscribers funny enough also owned by Disney, ESPN+ showcases live UFC PPV events for a discounted price, live Major League Baseball, Major league soccer, National hockey league and much more.

Another thriving sports service is DAZN which is currently the main destination if you’re looking for boxing as its become the main sponsor and partner of Match room Boxing showcasing fights like Anthony Joshua vs Andy Ruiz jr in over 200 countries worldwide, DAZN also shows tons of other sports including Football, Cricket and basketball making it a way more diverse platform then ESPN+ however is lacking the big brand behind it.

This leads to another blow to “Normal TV” as it brings the slow death of PPV, pay per view is a service where a spectator can purchase events to view privately whilst the broadcaster shows the event at the same time to everyone ordering it.

However PPV is dying as it’s always been expensive paying around £40-£90 per event however nowadays that’s no longer the case for example WWE pay per views happen once a month however if you have the WWE Network you watch the PPV for free so instead of paying around £50 for the event, you pay £9.99 for the monthly subscription.

Same thing goes with boxing as most fight are on DAZN or ESPN+ so why would you pay for the PPV instead of $19.99 or $4.99 respectively.

The only ones that really still use the PPV system is The UFC but like I mentioned before with ESPN+ you get a discount, however UFC president Dana White has spoke multiple times about making UFC PPV’s fight pass exclusive.

Now lets move on to the holy grail of them all and that’s YouTube, and why is that you may ask ? Well simply because it’s free you don’t have to pay a penny to watch youtube, well you do sit through a few Add’s here and there however you get the watch all your favourite content for free.

Well I highly doubt it but if you’ve never heard of Youtube, it’s an online video sharing platform owned by google and the second most visited website in the world, its available worldwide bar a few countries again for political reasons with an estimated 2 billion daily users grossing around 15 billion dollars a year Available content includes video clips, TV show clips, music videos, short and documentary films, audio recordings, movie trailers, live streams, video blogging, short original videos, and educational videos.

Basically it has everything you need and more, and the impact it has on this generation is immense you can just pick up a camera talk and upload it and have the Internet do the rest, it helps as its an easy way to exercise freedom of speech by sharing political views.

Kids nowadays don’t re want to watch TV they would rather watch they’re favourite YouTuber, they grow up idolising people like KSI, Pewdiepie, and Ssniperwolf. These you-tubers literally have the power to influence a generation as people who consider themselves fans would do anything for them.

Unfortunately sometimes they take it too far like back in 2019 PewDiePie was battling it out with T-series on youtube for the n*1 subscribed YouTube channel But what happen next can never be expected a terrorist unleashed fire on a mosque killing 50 people and writing subscribe to PewDiePie on the wall, the Terrorist was definitely an Islamophobe but he thought it would be a good idea to help PewDiePie as he knew that this would generate lots of attention and bring lots of light on PewDiePie’s channel.

PewDiePie later condemned his actions describing it as a terrible incident that he prays never happens again and essentially gave up on the battle with T series and stoped the subscribe to PewDiePie meme.

Another incident where fans have got out of hand is with popular YouTuber Roman Atwood where he’s had to deal with a stalker for years and even had to get the FBI involved As the stalker Would threaten him and his family, change there mail address, Hack into the security cameras and take pictures and send them to the family and even call in a false Bomb threat to a family funeral.

However YouTubers still have the power To manipulate and influence certain things by Just shining a light on them they can increase the value and inflate a certain market. And example of this is when YouTuber Logan Paul who has recently been making Pokémon content where he opens 22-year-old packs which are worth a ton of money to try and pack certain rare Pokémon cards and the rarest of them cards is a PSA 10 1st edition base set Charizard and before Logan Paul Was doing the Pokémon stuff a Charizard was worth around $250,000 however now a Charizard is worth around 3 quarters of a $1 million. And all type of Pokémon prices have gone up, he has basically made Pokémon popular again and it seems to be the talk of YouTube.

YouTube, Netflix and all other streaming services have really killed off classic TV And they have way more influence than classical TV ever had and the scary thing is this is just the beginning.

[cassolotl]

Gender and sex are [not] different

Content note: Article refers to transphobia, TERFs, sex essentialism.

~

I have recently seen nonbinary people, even high-profile nonbinary people like Asia Kate Dillon, saying that gender and sex are different. This is bothering me a lot, for reasons I’ve struggled to articulate, but I’m gonna try anyway damnit.

Disclaimer: This is just the way I see things. I’ll back up my assertions where I can, but please do understand that I am the internet equivalent of some dude you met in the pub last week.

~

AN OVERVIEW / SOME CONTEXT

Sex and gender are both social constructs, which basically means they’re ideas that humans created. A penis is just a penis, but only a human would say that a penis (or a person with a penis) is inherently male.

The definitions of sex and gender are broadly agreed to be subtly different: sex is purely anatomical, whereas gender is an experience, a combination of physical, behavioural and psychological things that no one is really able to pin down.

I live in the UK, and here there is no legal difference between sex and gender.

The “sex” marker on your birth certificate can be changed with a gender recognition certificate (hormones and surgery not compulsory), and birth certificates are not connected to medical records at all. Getting that sex marker changed is very difficult and expensive.

You can legally have a different gender or sex marker on all your state-issued IDs and at most it’ll cause some bureaucratic confusion.

You can put any title on any record and some people will probably frown at you if you put Mrs if you’re an unmarried person but those people are legally speaking in the wrong.

Basically anything is legal as long as you’re not doing it to deceive or commit fraud, and the Gender Recognition Panel is way outdated and about to be dismantled anyway.

To put it another way, what the UK calls “legal sex” is actually just legal gender, misnamed. Even the sex marker on medical records is a gender marker misnamed.

To add to the confusion, linguistically speaking sex and gender are generally described in the same way - because until very recently, English-speakers have largely been unable to change their bodies and therefore unable to change the way the world treats them. Words like “female” can describe someone’s body and/or someone’s gender, while also describing the reproductive capacity of non-human lifeforms, the shape of the connecting end of a computer cable...

Because of the body/mind distinction, people who say that only we can define our genders will often comfortably say that sex can be objectively determined by an educated professional.

Doctors generally agree that sex is defined by:

the number and type of sex chromosomes;

the type of gonads—ovaries or testicles;

the sex hormones;

the internal reproductive anatomy (such as the uterus in females); and

the external genitalia.

Since finding out someone’s sex chromosomes takes months and is very expensive and largely unnecessary for most people, unless your doctor has found a pressing reason to test your chromosomes (such as signs that you may be intersex and it may affect your physical health in some way), you do not know your own sex. Yes, you. You have, at least, a (probably but not necessarily accurate) guess based on the information you have unequivocal access to: external genitalia.

This blog post assumes that misgendering people is harmful. It may not harm everyone, but it harms enough people that it’s a good idea to behave in a way that prevents that harm.

~

SEX AND GENDER ARE THE SAME

1: Sex --> gender

The idea that gender is defined by sex is an obvious wrong thing, so it seems like a good place to start. That’s the idea that your gender comes from your body. If you were born with a penis and testicles, you are a man, whether you like it or not.

Who does it: Some people (eg: TERFs) say that hormones and surgery simply “mask” your “true” sex/gender, and you can’t change your chromosomes or the way you were born. Some people (eg: some outdated gender recognition systems) say that your body must be changed in order to change your gender.

Why it’s harmful: It sucks for trans people. Either you can never be correctly gendered by other people, even when you pass, or you can only be correctly gendered by other people once someone has inspected your genitals or judged your facial hair or whatever.

What to do instead: Don’t say that gender is irrevocably tied to one’s body. Support the idea that people know themselves better than anyone else can, and trust them when they tell you what their gender is.

2: Gender --> sex

Who does it: If you’re on Tumblr you’ve probably read blog posts that say things like “I am female, therefore my penis is female.” A lot of us feel this way about our own bodies, and taking ownership of the language used to describe your body is a very positive thing. In the UK it’s supported by the medical system, which lets you change the gender/sex marker on your medical records just by asking the receptionist.

Why it’s harmful: It’s not - unless you start to impose it on others. It’s not universal. Some of us strongly feel and identify with the sex of the body; for example, Asia Kate Dillon is nonbinary but strongly identifies their body as female.

And then there’s Big Freedia, who says she’s a man because she has a man’s body. Her name and pronouns and presentation, everything that we use as gender cues, are decidedly feminine - but she is very open about her body being male.

What to do instead: Don’t assume stuff about people’s bodies or the language they use to talk about their bodies based on their gender, pronouns, presentation, etc. Don’t say that in general, for example, a body is female if it belongs to a woman. Respect everyone’s right to bodily privacy. Support the idea that people know themselves better than anyone else can, and trust them when they tell you what their sex is. But like, don’t ask, okay? Don’t even hint. It is none of your business.

~

SEX AND GENDER ARE UNCONNECTED

This is the one that’s been bugging me lately.

Who does it: I’ve seen nonbinary people go out of their way to correct people who equate gender and sex (or man and male, woman and female), and in doing so they state that sex and gender are never connected.

And it’s understandable! The idea that someone can be born in the wrong body has been central to the campaign of visibility and understanding aimed at cisgender people for quite a long time now. It counters the idea above, that sex defines gender, that has been socially prevalent for basically all of living ciscentric memory. A lot of us probably learned about what being transgender is by hearing the idea that your mind can be one gender while your body is another, and said, “damn, that could explain a lot for me.”

Asia Kate Dillon takes this to an extreme. I mentioned above that their gender is nonbinary and their sex is female, but they have also stated that sex and gender are entirely unconnected, for everyone. They insist that male and female are words used to describe sex only, and that it harms them when trans women call themselves female. They said that sex is defined by those five characteristics I listed in the overview, and if any of those characteristics doesn’t match the others then your body stops being male or female at all; a person who’s had a hysterectomy can no longer be called female in terms of sex.

Why it’s harmful: When people say to a trans person, “well you might be a man but your body is not male,” they are implying that someone’s biology would be relevant to anyone but themself, the people they may be physically intimate with, and maybe their doctor. On this level alone it’s personally very intrusive, in a way that no cis person would have to tolerate.

On a practical level, it allows people to exclude trans people from gendered spaces in which they belong on the basis of aspects of their body that may never even be visible, because their body is somehow more relevant (to gendered spaces like toilets and changing rooms) than who they are, and cis people can’t possibly cope.

There are two common excuses for excluding trans people from these spaces.

Random cisgender humans will accidentally see a weird body and be needlessly alarmed or frightened. (Frankly, not our problem?)

Some people are incurably violent or harmful because of their bodies; even someone seeing their bodies may cause harm. (That’s, at very generous best, insulting. In reality, if you are perceived as a serious threat when you walk into a room you become a target.)

What to do instead: Don’t make sweeping statements like “trans people were born in the wrong body” or “gender and sex are different and unrelated.” Support and respect people when they tell you about their own experiences of their body and gender. Encourage cisgender people to take responsibility for their emotional issues, improve and increase resources for victims of sexual violence, advocate for partially gender-neutralising spaces, and welcome trans people into gendered spaces where possible - and it almost always is possible.

~

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS

Always respect people’s right to bodily privacy. Always.

If you feel like your sex is defined by your gender then great but it’s not true for every trans and/or nonbinary person. Similarly, if you feel that your gender and sex are independent of each other then that’s fine but don’t impose that on other people.

Barring unusual phobias, there is no need to ever consider the impact of someone’s sex on you personally. Unless you’re a doctor or you’re about to have sex or something.

In reality, there is a relationship between one’s body and one’s gender for a lot of people, otherwise gender dysphoria wouldn’t be a thing. What the connection is we may never fully understand, but that doesn’t matter. There is a connection for many people and it feels different for everyone, and that needs to be acknowledged and respected. At the same time, for many people there is no apparent connection between their gender and their body, but that doesn’t mean there can’t be one or that deep down everyone else is just wrong about themselves.

Gender and sex are complex individually, and their relationship to each other is complex too. Trying to logic it and sort it into boxes and make a flow chart of it just isn’t going to work. We can stop trying to teach each other, and start supporting each other instead.

[evanvanness]

Annotated edition, Week in Ethereum News, March 15 issue

The number of EthCC attendees (for the record, most people I talk to now think the afterparty was the main spreading event) testing positive since I published the newsletter, even while many can’t get tested.  So no caffeine or beer for me just in case I’m affected (though I left the afterparty very early), and that lack of caffeine is pulling me down just a little.   This might be a low-energy, “please clap” Jeb annotated issue.

Eth1

Overlay method for hex to binary tree conversion

A summary of the post-EthCC Stateless Eth meetings. Renewed focus on sync, particularly getNodeData

A writeup post-stateless ETH summit after ethCC as well as a summary.  Quiet times usually follow productive meetings, hence only 2 bullet points this week.

Eth2

Latest Eth2 call. Notes from Ben and Mamy. Phase 1 prototyping coming soon

Latest phase0 spec v0.11, the target for stable multi-client testnet

Ben Edgington’s notes from networking call

Nimbus client update – interop this month, discussion around constraints of running eth2 client on mobile devices

Two phase2 ethresearch posts: Appraisal of Non-sequential Receipt Cross-shard Transactions and Atomic Cross Shard Function Calls using System Events, Live Parameter Checking, & Contract Locking

Vitalik’s Using polynomial commitments to replace state roots, though this is not likely to hit the current roadmap. More context from listening to Justin Drake and Vitalik Buterin on Zero Knowledge

So my current estimate (completely my own) is that we’re likely looking at late q2 for phase0 launch.   But who knows, maybe getting locked down will provide a small speedup?  <wry grin>

I continue to think that by far the most important thing after shipping phase 0 is turning off proof of work.  Stop wasting electricity!  Cut issuance!

Stuff for developers

Solidity v0.6.4

A storage layout for proxy contracts taking advantage of Solidity v0.6.4

EthGlobal’s survey of Eth developers

10x smaller Javascript signer/verifier

Interacting with Ethereum using a shell through Incubed ultra-light client

Groth16 bellman proof verifier

Templates with pre-filled contract ABIs, addresses and subgraphs for Aave, Compound, Sablier, Uniswap

Prysmatic’s service registry pattern in Go

Implementing Merkle Trees and Patricia Tries in Node.js

Pipline onchain interpreted language vid

Austin Griffith vid on wallet module for eth.build

OpenZeppelin points out that a malicious deployer can backdoor your Gnosis Safe

SmartBugs: framework for executing Solidity automated analysis tools, with an academic paper comparing tool performance

I probably should’ve added that your Gnosis Safe is always safe if you used the official front end of the mobile app.

Crypto carnage, Maker liquidations

Thursday’s global selloff of risk assets led to the most negative price action day of crypto’s short history. The selloff inflated gas prices (~200 gwei) which caused trouble for Maker. The Maker oracles stopped working for an hour or two.

Maker liquidation auctions went off for nearly 0 DAI as bots bidding on those auctions got caught in high gas prices and ran out of DAI, leading several different bot maintainers to make ~8m USD in ETH by bidding just above zero in a few disparate time periods.

As a result, the Maker system surplus became a 5.7m Dai deficit (as of the time of publication). To improve incentives, Maker governance changed some parameters and to recoup the debt MKR will be auctioned onchain for lots of 50,000 Dai on the morning (UTC) of March 19th.

Community members have started a backstop to ensure the deficit is covered

Here is a writeup of the Maker liquidations with data and graphs

Just published: Maker governance proposal to change DSR to 0 and Stability Fee to 0.5%, GSM to 4 hours, and a decentralized circuitbreaker for auctions

An interesting thing I just learned is that Maker’s standard keeper apparently only works in Parity, not with Geth or Infura.  So that’s another ramification of the Kovan/Rinkeby split, and getting Maker to use Kovan.

In the meantime, USDC has been added as a collateral.  It’s rather strange but USDC perhaps makes sense as a way to mint DAI in times of stress and get closer to the peg.  Seems like the Stability Fee should be set high here though, as you really only want people using it in times of needing Dai, eg in auctions.  Right now it’s 20%, i’m not sure that’s as high as it should be.

This newsletter doesn’t often mention price and market-related matters.  But it’s quite clear that crypto is not a safe haven in crisis.   Could it be in the future?  Perhaps, but all the hedge funds and institutional money simply exacerbate volatility.  Where we’re at is that when people wanted to take risk off the table, they viewed crypto as a risk asset - and Bitcoin got hit the hardest because it had survived the best in crypto winter, despite there being no reason whatsoever for it to have done the best.

Ecosystem

Prysmatic’s Raul Jordan: Eth2 is happening, it is shipping, and we’re going to make it a reality no matter what

EthIndia’s online hackathon winners

DuneAnalytic’s stats for smart contract wallets

4GB DAG size and potential hashrate impact

So far, 9 attendees of EthCC have tested positive for COVID-19

A fun parlor game: what will be the next big ETH event?  Devcon?  Or something before, or something after?   I think we’re going to see a lot more online hackathons - and probably more sponsorship dollars for them.  Perhaps more sponsorship fiat for newsletter subscriptions too?  

Raul’s post on eth2 was the most clicked of the week.

Enterprise

End to end transport layer security with Hyperledger Besu v1.4

DAML now available on Besu

Paul Brody talks Baseline Protocol on Into the Ether

How Citi and ConsenSys use Ethereum for commodities trade finance

Nice komgo writeup.  Also interesting to see that the bet of Besu seems to be paying off with enterprise privatechain stuff like DAML even on Besu.

Governance, DAOs, and standards

Livepeer’s proposed governance roadmap

SingularDTV announces snglsDAO Foundation for their media protocol press release

Aragon removes AGP voting for ANT holders

What DAOs can learn from the Swedish Pirate Party

How to quickly create your own DAOstack DAO

FakerDAO – pool your MKR to sell votes to highest bidder

Governance as a whole has probably been one of Ethereum’s weak points.  Not as bad as governance-by-Blockstream, but still not great.  People don’t turn out to vote so direct voting doesn’t work (to wit, Aragon removing voting which was the only use for ANT) - and yet one of the solutions for people not voting actually penalizes people for voting, as I’ve found out in DxDAO.   I’m hopeful for some of the solutions but to date long-term governance of everything is mostly an unsolved issue.

Application layer

Numerai’s ErasureBay live on mainnet. A marketplace for any kind of information, where the buyer can slash the seller if they don’t like the information

DeFiSaver’s 1click transaction CDP closing using flashloans

Gnosis’ Gibraltar-regulated Sight political markets are live

Update on Augur v2. tldr: it’s close

Balancer’s code is open source

bZx’s mea culpa post mortem of the attacks. They also paid 1inch the full bug bounty two weeks ago.

Bluestone fixed rate loans and deposits, live on Rinkeby testnet

Maker’s Dai Gaming Initiative

VirtuePoker’s final beta launches March 16th

HavenSocial, a web3 alternative to Facebook where you own your own data

Nice to see people are still trying to build social media alternatives.  The idea of building a better Facebook is definitely an enthralling one - yet not one that Ethereum has even come close to delivering.

Same with games - we’ve been talking about tokens/NFTs on ETH being a big thing in games for awhile.  Nothing has quite hit it (let’s be honest, CryptoKitties was just a different flavor of ICO mania) but I think Skyweaver might.  

My usual ex-post metric of seeing how much of this section is DeFi: 10 bullet points, depending on how you count you could say it’s 4 to ~8.  

Tokens/Business/Regulation

David Hoffman: Ethereum as emergent structure

USDC: programmable dollars with business accounts and APIs

Uniswap volume is now tracked on Coinmarketcap

wBTC passes Lightning Network in value locked up

Matthew Green: US congressional bill EARN IT is a direct attack on e2e encryption

Mass panic like with Corona is always a perfect moment to add bills on as riders to must-pass bills, so look for anti-encryption hawks to try to do this in the name of “safety.”  Maybe even to bailout bills.

Kinda interesting to see CMC finally add Uniswap volume.  They’ve been quite slow to add dexes generally; it seems like Bitcoiners often have a hard time adjusting to decentralization when they’ve been used to all the centralized BTC tradeoffs.

And Circle is now all-in on USDC.  From Santander prototype at Devcon2 to $600m now printed, and this doesn’t even count Tether belatedly realizing that BTC was a terrible choice to secure Tether.

General

Contribute computing cycles to fight COVID-19

Stay private in DeFi with email

Brave’s nightly release features random browser fingerprints per session

Load Value Injection attack on Intel SGX

Jacobians of hyperelliptic curves explainer from Alan Szepieniec

Ryan Sean Adams’ “how to” on using ProtonMail or equivalent is the 2nd most clicked, showing how he’s one of the most important people in Ethereum right now.  He takes concepts them and popularizes them.  

The random browser fingerprints is huge, and a big step up in privacy.  

Meanwhile if you have 2gb or 3gb GPUs, you can fold some proteins which may have an impact on COVID-19.  I’m always skeptical, but it seems likely to be worth the cost.  Especially if you’re like me and get super cheap electricity in Texas through GridPlus!  Crypto is not cancelled in Texas.

[angeltriestoblog]

The One With All The Books: My favorites + tips on how to get out of your reading slump!

Ever since I was a kid, I've been obsessed with books: while most children I knew then were preoccupied with Barbie dolls and battleships, I immersed myself in fictional worlds and found trusty companions in protagonists who embarked on adventures that transcended the limits of the physical universe. Back then, I would sleep with them under my pillow, read them in the backseat of our family car even on rather turbulent road trips, and turn to them during boring class discussions.

Over time, they ended up shaping my opinions and world views, fueling my hunger for knowledge, and inspiring me to put my own thoughts down on paper. It's safe to say I wouldn't be the person I am now, had it not been for my love for the written word. Which is why I find it odd that I haven't made any of the standard recommendation posts that would normally be found on the personal blog of someone like me. In an attempt to fix that, I'm sharing with you my eight favorites of all time, not only to give them a fitting tribute (that will still not be able to do their profound impact any justice), but also encourage you to pick up a good read! Who knows, maybe it'll change your life as much as it did to mine!

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle

As a kid, I loved both science and fiction, but always saw them as two concepts completely opposite from each other. When I found out that they could marry and live in perfect harmony in a genre of their own, I was over the moon. It was exciting enough, getting to teleport across universes by folding the fabric of space and time, encounter terrifying creatures who somehow parallel actual people on Earth, and learn about obscure scientific concepts. But, the fact that it manages to tie in the triumph of good over evil, and the power of familial love was just the cherry on top for me. I brought this with me everywhere I went for a solid two months, obviously with good reason.

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

My mom had recommended this to me in high school, and I put off buying it for so long because I originally thought I was "too old to be reading stuff like that". Much to my surprise, what was practically disguised as a children's book, with its simple prose and watercolor illustrations, served as both as a moral allegory and criticism of the way adults operate in today's world. Though its length can trick you into thinking it's a fast read, most passages demand to be looked at a second time, reflected on, and shared to the nearest person—if you're the type to protest against annotating, you might have to rethink your stance.

Inkheart by Cornelia Funke

When I was in grade school, my parents had this rule where I was only allowed to buy a new book during special occasions, to control the growing number we had piling up in our house. I remember seeing this in the NBS branch in Glorietta, and having to wait until the end of the quarter to ask my parents to get it for me. Oh, well: as the cheesy saying goes, "True love waits." Although if there is anyone who loves books more than I do, it's Meggie Folchart, as she has inherited her father's gift of bringing fictional characters to life. But, when disaster strikes, as it always does, she must learn how to harness this special power and save her family. The world-building and imagery is unbelievably rich, Funke doesn't just paint a picture in your head: she creates a whole ass movie. No wonder eight year-old me put her up on a pedestal.

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (the entire series, but maybe the third was my favorite) (ok it was, don't tell the two others) by Jenny Han

The blurb at the back of the book certainly doesn't do it justice: I remember finding this at a nearby Fully Booked and putting it down instantly, dismissing it as another cliche YA novel. Sure, Lara Jean Covey has to deal with all five of her unsent love letters to her crushes being mysteriously sent out, but she also grapples with important issues such as identity, family, and—in the third book—the future. I read Always and Forever, Lara Jean during the summer before I entered university, and every single line resonated with me so much I paused at the end of every chapter to take a crying selfie. Plus, Peter Kavinsky is my literary dream boy: if I ever expect my future significant other to take me on a cross-country road trip to go antique shopping, they'll only have him to blame.

Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler

We're taught that we shouldn't judge books by their covers, but I'm glad my twelve year old self decided to brush that aside when she bought this. Although I didn't end up reading it until five years after, I devoured the thick hardbound in a day and a half, and was reduced to a ball on my couch shortly afterwards. I know the book has the most self-explanatory title, but it's just that it takes on the universal experience of first love and heartbreak so authentically. The stream of consciousness writing style and slow pacing may be an issue for some, but I reckon it adds to its charm, as it allows Min to take readers through all the motions of a relationship in a way so relatable, entering her headspace feels like slipping into a second skin.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey

A friend of mine in high school had complained to me that her mother had made this required reading for her, and I suggested I'd take it off her hands for a bit. I ended up going through her copy thrice in a month. (Ah, what I would give to go back to the days when I could still afford to read on school days.) An issue a lot of books that claim to "change your life" have is that they elaborate on these supposedly groundbreaking ideas, yet fail to break them down into doable action steps. Fortunately, Covey shares his practical advice in a structured manner, complete with examples, illustrations, and the occasional dad joke, freeing it from any preachy or condescending undertones. I don't know how to say that this is the only self-help book you'll ever need without sounding like someone from the Home Shopping Network.

When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

This paperback intimidated me from the moment I first saw it on a shelf, because of the metaphorical title and steep price. But, good thing I got around to buying it eventually: this harrowing story is told by a promising doctor with his whole life ahead of him, who turns into a patient as soon as he is diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. Reading this was difficult, because I knew that no matter how hard I tried to dissect and reflect on the questions of life and death being posed by the author, I could never come close to understanding how he felt. But, that didn't make the experience any less necessary.

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

Creativity is a rather difficult concept to talk about in depth, because it seems so abstract. This is why the author advises readers to treat it as a living entity: one that bestows the best of ideas to those who nurture it, complements the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, and demands our full participation despite the looming presence of fear. I finished this on a school bus ride home from school, and the minute I got home, I marathoned Gilbert's TED talks and keynote speeches on YouTube: there is a distinctly tender, somewhat spiritual quality in the way she speaks about her craft, that easily makes you hang on to and follow every word she says.

Now I know books aren't everyone's go-to when looking for a way to pass the time: I've heard people say that they can't find time for it, that there's nothing out there that piques their interest, or they simply don't have the patience, given that social media posts and Netflix shows practically hold our attention spans captive in this day and age. While all are valid points, they can clearly be worked around! I was in a funk during the start of my Christmas break, because I hadn't touched a non-academic book since the new school year had started. But, I managed to finish four in the span of a month, and am currently on my fifth, as of this writing. Here are some tips I have, just in case you want to kick your reading slump in the ass as well.

Start small. Like with any habit you want to build, introduce the behavior in small increments: five push-ups, five minutes of meditation, fifty pages of a novella. Then, once you're starting to get the hang of it again and you don't feel your two brain cells shrieking for help because they can't figure out if "lived" is an actual word in the English language, you can increase it depending on your progress. This happened to me when, thanks to a notably bad case of tsundoku, I had amassed 14 (!!!) unread books in a year. I decided to tackle as soon as my vacation started, so I kicked it off with a rather easy read: Matilda by Roald Dahl, 232 pages thin, with numerous drawings.

Read something you'd actually enjoy! It's gonna be hard to stay engaged in something that doesn't excite or entice you: reading is supposed to be a hobby, not a household chore. Find something written on an interest of yours, a field of study that you've always been curious about, a person that you've looked up to for forever: I truly believe that there is no topic that hasn't been written about at this point in time.

On a somewhat related note, don't be afraid to DNF books that don't satisfy you. A lot of us pick books up because everyone else loves it, and are afraid to put it down for the fear of being othered. But, if we've all come to believe that we should sever ties with people who no longer serve us, what makes it any different for books that just don't touch our lives? I remember reading The Bell Jar when I was 13 because it came highly recommended by someone on Instagram who I found really cool. It was far too heavy for me, but I couldn't find the heart to shelf it especially after how much it cost me.

Remember that physical copies are not the only way to go. Thanks to the presence of audio and e-books, one can now enjoy stories anywhere and any time, without the daunting feel of several pages, or the burden of lugging around heavy hardbounds. (Although you are missing out on one of the best parts of reading: new book smell. Your loss.) One might find it easier to process the information this way, or even appreciate whatever the author has to say.

Talk about it with a friend! They could help keep you accountable in following through your reading goals, give you solid (and sometimes even personalized) recommendations, or accompany you in mourning over the death of a major character. It's always been a dream of mine to start or join a book club for these exact reasons, but I'm afraid this post is possibly the closest I could get to that right now. Nevertheless, I'd love to hear your suggestions and give you more of my own! Drop me a message here (or here, here, and here!) if ever you're interested.

Love and light,

Angel