#micro reacts to tma

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Also, another thought about tma 161 - It’s so cruel how Martin sees himself as a caretaker, and how his whole life that’s where he found purpose and self worth. But now, in this changed world, everything he knows to do is rendered meaningless.

“You should get some sleep” - we don’t need sleep here and sleep is awful anyway

“You should eat something” - we don’t need food. Or water.

“How about a cup of tea” - You can’t trust the tea. You can’t trust comfort at all.

He must feel at such a loss, I just want to save him <\3

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I refuse to accept that Jon went to say "we" and then had to correct himself to "I" because Martin is gone...

Instead I'd like to believe Jon slips into French when he's stressed. And he is alright.

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Martin is such a good foil to Jon in different ways throughout the whole show, but I'm particularly enjoying the way they contrast in these early episodes of s5

Specifically, the way Martin continues to be so... normal? In spite of everything.

For example, the way he insisted on bringing the maps and tea, and mocked what he anticipated Jon's flowery ominous response would be

The way he just falls into saying things a normal person would say if the world was normal, even if it isn't exactly true, like in the intro to 163

Also, the way he slipped so easily into a casual friendly banter with Helen in 164, which would not have sounded at all out of place at an office Christmas party pre-apocalypse

And I know in the latter example he's probably being strategic -better to have allies than enemies and all that. And there's probably an element of his time with the lonely in the way he's interacted with everyone/thing this season so far... (which I'll probably have some thoughts on once I get a little further into the series)

But- I still think there’s an aspect here of Martin "Not big on change" Blackwood being this sort of living relic of the way the world once was. Subconsciously or consciously upholding the customs and patterns it once followed.

Meanwhile Jon serves an opposite purpose as the “post apocalyptic google” exposition machine.

He knows exactly how different this new world is, and doesn’t see a point in acting like it’s not.

and it just works so well especially in these first few episodes where Jon and Martin are our only real examples of how people not trapped in nightmares are coping with the world post change.

It's not only grounding for Jon as a character, but also for our journey though this world as a whole.

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Another thought on 170:

In 159 after Peter casts Martin into the lonely, Martin loses his desire for connection, but he doesn’t lose himself. He’s still “Martin” enough for Jon to find him, even with his pre-apocalypse level of power.

But in 170, the lonely is specifically Martin’s, and so it probably more accurately reflects his own relationship with the fear.

Which is why I find it so interesting that here, Martin doesn’t stop desiring connection. He still maintains this instinct to reach out for companionship. You see this is the way he talks to the tape recorder, and the way he describes his encounter with the victim.

Instead, what Martin loses is his memories of the ones he loves, and his identity.

Normally you might associate loss of identity with the Stranger, but for Martin this makes complete sense.

Because in Martin’s mind, identity and love are so intrinsically wrapped up together that they can’t be separated. His purpose and worth are synonymous with what he can provide for the people he loves. He fears he is nothing without them. Without being needed by them. He pleads to Jon that he’s not enough on his own.

And when he finally figures it out, the way he phrases it makes it sound like forgetting Jon and forgetting himself are one and the same.

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In love with whoever does these unofficial transcripts

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Oh damn. I promise I’ll shut up about this episode soon, but the parallels of Martin convincing Jon they need to leave the “quiet” and “safety” of the cabin in 161 and 162, with Jon trying to convince Martin to leave the lonely in 159…

The way they both don’t want to just survive, they want to have something to fight for

Also, Jon pulling Martin out using his power to make Martin see him, while Martin just waits, patiently but prepared to go as soon as Jon is ready. Not sure exactly what that says but it’s something

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I guess I’m still on my “these cavetown lyrics fit insanely well with TMA” bullshit but….

Gray Space IS the perfect 186 song damn

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ooh also the parallels between 161 and 154! Jon thinks he would be “content” to just hide away forever as long as he has Martin and as long as they’re safe. But Martin is still more inclined to risk his own safety even for the slimmest chance of saving the world.

And the thing is, neither of them are right, and neither of them are wrong really. There aren’t any good options. That’s a bit of the point I suppose….

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oh! Now after 186 I wonder if Martin was intentionally hanging back behind Jon because subconsciously he knew he needed space. Makes all the more sense why he would be extra vulnerable to a lonely domain if he was feeling that way when they passed through in 170.

I'm sorry Jon, I apologize for yelling at you for power walking :(

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I am so torn between desperately wanting to look at all the cool/beautiful TMA fan art out there, and knowing the more I do so the more likely I am to be spoiled. It is the marshmallow expriment and I am failing…

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I can’t explain it I just love hearing every time Martin slaps Jon awake/out of a statement it’s so satisfying

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Finished 176, and once again I’m in love with the writing on this show.

I love how Martin knows Jon is keeping something from him, and can tell he is feeling apprehensive about whatever he has to do to catch Basira, and when he pushes Jon to open up about it, Jon is actually honest! Sort of…

Because Jon is nervous about betraying someone’s trust, it’s just not Basira.

I love how Martin is just like “If it were me I’d forgive you ☺️”

And Jon’s “Mm” in response like “I suppose we’re about to find out…”

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Alright, I’m finally braving the start of TMA season 5…

I just listened to 161 and, god I just love this show, it’s so well written??

I’ve noticed this in previous episodes, but I think this episode in particular really showcased how efficient the story telling is.

They really managed to give the listener so much information, and hit so many emotional beats while keeping the dialogue succinct and realistic!

I’ll give some examples below the cut, but obviously, spoilers for 161:

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Starting the episode with the birthday tape was already gut punching enough in and of itself, but hearing the way Elias/Jonah sings “Archivist” while everyone else sang “Jon”?? 🤬 Just the utter smugness. And it’s such good way to illustrate how he never saw John as a person he was always just a pawn.

Then we hear the second tape from Gertrude, and while we already know most of the information, thats not really the point. The point of both tapes is to help put us in Jon’s headspace. This aching “if only…” dwelling on what could have been. If one thing had been different. If they had just had that tape…

And that feeling is made even worse by the juxtaposition of how Jon pushes away from connection and seeks "peace and quiet" in the past, with his vulnerability and desire for love from Martin in the present.

When Jon and Martin are talking, there’s a casual reference to this heartbreaking scene we never get to see, of Martin sleeping, terrorized by nightmares, and Jon unable to wake him up like, jesus they really just dropped that image in my mind and moved on but damn if it wasn’t effective at making me feel things!!

The “Jon It’s not your fault” followed by the tone Jon uses when he says “Martin, can we not do this again.” They have had this conversation multiple times since the eyepocolypse began. They’re just running eachother in circles at this point.

Also the casual way Jon says “I love you” to Martin like it’s nothing, so we know it’s definitely not the first, or even the second time he’s said it, even though it is the first time the audience has heard those words.

The LAYERS to Martin saying “I’m good at waiting.” Like??? damn

I really could go on and on but I’ll spare you. This was such a good opening to the season I’m so hype but also terrified.

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I went into TMA completely blind, and have been listening for like six months but I’ve been avoiding engaging with fandom because I’m desperately trying to avoid spoilers.

I might share thoughts on future episodes by shouting into the void like this, but I’m still not really going to engage with fandom until I’m finished.

If you’re reading this please don’t spoil anything else about s5 for me! I’m looking forward to being devastated haha

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These bits of TMA 170 remind me of the Jack Stauber video, library.

It’s such a interesting fear, and one that I really relate to. It’s so difficult to picture actual faces, I think usually when I’m thinking of someone I’m more remembering their general essence and the things they’ve said.

It isn’t something I think about as much anymore, because in this day and age we have so much access to endless photos and videos of the people in our lives, but I remember when I was little and used to go to sleep away camp this would bother me a lot. I’d realize I couldn’t quite picture my mom’s face. I the harder I tried, and the more anxiety I felt about it, the more my intrusive thoughts would get in the way and purposefully try to mess it up.

And even today I still feel this a bit when the people I love die. Because pictures help, but they’re not perfect. They’re always just a little bit different. They’ll never be the person you loved.

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Also, I don’t agree with Martin in his belief that a person shouldn’t exist if their existence is dependent on the suffering of others (I mean, in the real world, who’s comfortable existence is not at least somewhat dependent on the suffering/exploitation of others?) But I do respect him for extending that philosophy to himself once he realized it included him. Especially since he’s shown time and again how strongly he holds that conviction.

It’s interesting that at this point, aside from Callum (a kid) and possibly Helen (I’m not at the episode with her domain yet so I imagine I’ll find out soon) Jon is his one exception.

He’s known for a while that Jon’s continued existence may be dependent on the suffering of others, even before the apocalypse. In 154, he questioned if Jon would be able to survive blinding himself/severing himself from the eye, and in MAG 181, he raises this concern again.

And based on Jon’s description of what happened to John Amherst, it doesn’t seem like this is a “suffer through withdrawal and eventually you’ll recover” situation.

(I mean he was incased in concrete, something a regular human wouldn’t have been able to survive, so I guess we don’t know what would’ve happened if he’d been breathing oxygen, eating three meals a day and voluntarily abstaining from fear… but it wouldn’t exactly be safe or easy for them to experiment and find out)

Despite this, Martin isn’t sure if he’d be able to kill Jon. I’m sure he’s trying to convince himself that theres a chance both the world and Jon could go back to how they were before the fears, but I think in his heart he knows Jon is unlikely to survive without the eye.

The idea that Martin would ask Jon to kill him if the apocalypse can’t be reversed is also very interesting because Martin knows it wouldn’t help. It wouldn’t ease anyone’s suffering but his own. His victims would still be trapped. If anything, he’d cause more suffering by leaving Jon alone. And it doesn’t sound like he would ask for Jon to kill himself afterwards. Death as an escape is a privilege most in this world do not have access to - Salesa refers to it as “the greatest blessing” his camera gave him. At that point, Martin choosing to die wouldn’t be about making things better, or even about enacting some sort of justice, it would be solely about escaping his own guilt.

And yes, I have seen some spoilers for the end, so I know a lot of this will likely come up in a big way in the finale. I know almost no details though, and I’m still very interested to see how and why we get there….

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I’ve listened to 173 and 174, the Dark and the Vast episodes. Tensions are understandably high, but given their circumstances I’m pleasantly surprised with how well Martin and Jon seem to be communicating. I’m also pleasantly but cautiously surprised with how well Jon seems to be hanging onto himself, despite, as Helen pointed out, ultimate power and no consequences. Especially since he’s admitted that he likes the suffering he feeds off of here, and especially with the person who is supposed to be grounding him egging him on to murder.

I am, I suppose, waiting for the second impossibly vast shoe made of grotesquely tangled together people, to drop.