#micro reacts to tma

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Also, another thought about tma 161 - It’s so cruel how Martin sees himself as a caretaker, and how his whole life that’s where he found purpose and self worth. But now, in this changed world, everything he knows to do is rendered meaningless.

“You should get some sleep” - we don’t need sleep here and sleep is awful anyway

“You should eat something” - we don’t need food. Or water.

“How about a cup of tea” - You can’t trust the tea. You can’t trust comfort at all.

He must feel at such a loss, I just want to save him <\3

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I refuse to accept that Jon went to say "we" and then had to correct himself to "I" because Martin is gone...

Instead I'd like to believe Jon slips into French when he's stressed. And he is alright.

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Martin is such a good foil to Jon in different ways throughout the whole show, but I'm particularly enjoying the way they contrast in these early episodes of s5

Specifically, the way Martin continues to be so... normal? In spite of everything.

For example, the way he insisted on bringing the maps and tea, and mocked what he anticipated Jon's flowery ominous response would be

The way he just falls into saying things a normal person would say if the world was normal, even if it isn't exactly true, like in the intro to 163

Also, the way he slipped so easily into a casual friendly banter with Helen in 164, which would not have sounded at all out of place at an office Christmas party pre-apocalypse

And I know in the latter example he's probably being strategic -better to have allies than enemies and all that. And there's probably an element of his time with the lonely in the way he's interacted with everyone/thing this season so far... (which I'll probably have some thoughts on once I get a little further into the series)

But- I still think there’s an aspect here of Martin "Not big on change" Blackwood being this sort of living relic of the way the world once was. Subconsciously or consciously upholding the customs and patterns it once followed.

Meanwhile Jon serves an opposite purpose as the “post apocalyptic google” exposition machine.

He knows exactly how different this new world is, and doesn’t see a point in acting like it’s not.

and it just works so well especially in these first few episodes where Jon and Martin are our only real examples of how people not trapped in nightmares are coping with the world post change.

It's not only grounding for Jon as a character, but also for our journey though this world as a whole.

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In love with whoever does these unofficial transcripts

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Another thought on 170:

In 159 after Peter casts Martin into the lonely, Martin loses his desire for connection, but he doesn’t lose himself. He’s still “Martin” enough for Jon to find him, even with his pre-apocalypse level of power.

But in 170, the lonely is specifically Martin’s, and so it probably more accurately reflects his own relationship with the fear.

Which is why I find it so interesting that here, Martin doesn’t stop desiring connection. He still maintains this instinct to reach out for companionship. You see this is the way he talks to the tape recorder, and the way he describes his encounter with the victim.

Instead, what Martin loses is his memories of the ones he loves, and his identity.

Normally you might associate loss of identity with the Stranger, but for Martin this makes complete sense.

Because in Martin’s mind, identity and love are so intrinsically wrapped up together that they can’t be separated. His purpose and worth are synonymous with what he can provide for the people he loves. He fears he is nothing without them. Without being needed by them. He pleads to Jon that he’s not enough on his own.

And when he finally figures it out, the way he phrases it makes it sound like forgetting Jon and forgetting himself are one and the same.

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Oh damn. I promise I’ll shut up about this episode soon, but the parallels of Martin convincing Jon they need to leave the “quiet” and “safety” of the cabin in 161 and 162, with Jon trying to convince Martin to leave the lonely in 159…

The way they both don’t want to just survive, they want to have something to fight for

Also, Jon pulling Martin out using his power to make Martin see him, while Martin just waits, patiently but prepared to go as soon as Jon is ready. Not sure exactly what that says but it’s something

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ooh also the parallels between 161 and 154! Jon thinks he would be “content” to just hide away forever as long as he has Martin and as long as they’re safe. But Martin is still more inclined to risk his own safety even for the slimmest chance of saving the world.

And the thing is, neither of them are right, and neither of them are wrong really. There aren’t any good options. That’s a bit of the point I suppose….

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I guess I’m still on my “these cavetown lyrics fit insanely well with TMA” bullshit but….

Gray Space IS the perfect 186 song damn

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I am so torn between desperately wanting to look at all the cool/beautiful TMA fan art out there, and knowing the more I do so the more likely I am to be spoiled. It is the marshmallow expriment and I am failing…

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I can’t explain it I just love hearing every time Martin slaps Jon awake/out of a statement it’s so satisfying

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Finished 176, and once again I’m in love with the writing on this show.

I love how Martin knows Jon is keeping something from him, and can tell he is feeling apprehensive about whatever he has to do to catch Basira, and when he pushes Jon to open up about it, Jon is actually honest! Sort of…

Because Jon is nervous about betraying someone’s trust, it’s just not Basira.

I love how Martin is just like “If it were me I’d forgive you ☺️”

And Jon’s “Mm” in response like “I suppose we’re about to find out…”

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These bits of TMA 170 remind me of the Jack Stauber video, library.

It’s such a interesting fear, and one that I really relate to. It’s so difficult to picture actual faces, I think usually when I’m thinking of someone I’m more remembering their general essence and the things they’ve said.

It isn’t something I think about as much anymore, because in this day and age we have so much access to endless photos and videos of the people in our lives, but I remember when I was little and used to go to sleep away camp this would bother me a lot. I’d realize I couldn’t quite picture my mom’s face. I the harder I tried, and the more anxiety I felt about it, the more my intrusive thoughts would get in the way and purposefully try to mess it up.

And even today I still feel this a bit when the people I love die. Because pictures help, but they’re not perfect. They’re always just a little bit different. They’ll never be the person you loved.

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oh! Now after 186 I wonder if Martin was intentionally hanging back behind Jon because subconsciously he knew he needed space. Makes all the more sense why he would be extra vulnerable to a lonely domain if he was feeling that way when they passed through in 170.

I'm sorry Jon, I apologize for yelling at you for power walking :(

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Also, I don’t agree with Martin in his belief that a person shouldn’t exist if their existence is dependent on the suffering of others (I mean, in the real world, who’s comfortable existence is not at least somewhat dependent on the suffering/exploitation of others?) But I do respect him for extending that philosophy to himself once he realized it included him. Especially since he’s shown time and again how strongly he holds that conviction.

It’s interesting that at this point, aside from Callum (a kid) and possibly Helen (I’m not at the episode with her domain yet so I imagine I’ll find out soon) Jon is his one exception.

He’s known for a while that Jon’s continued existence may be dependent on the suffering of others, even before the apocalypse. In 154, he questioned if Jon would be able to survive blinding himself/severing himself from the eye, and in MAG 181, he raises this concern again.

And based on Jon’s description of what happened to John Amherst, it doesn’t seem like this is a “suffer through withdrawal and eventually you’ll recover” situation.

(I mean he was incased in concrete, something a regular human wouldn’t have been able to survive, so I guess we don’t know what would’ve happened if he’d been breathing oxygen, eating three meals a day and voluntarily abstaining from fear… but it wouldn’t exactly be safe or easy for them to experiment and find out)

Despite this, Martin isn’t sure if he’d be able to kill Jon. I’m sure he’s trying to convince himself that theres a chance both the world and Jon could go back to how they were before the fears, but I think in his heart he knows Jon is unlikely to survive without the eye.

The idea that Martin would ask Jon to kill him if the apocalypse can’t be reversed is also very interesting because Martin knows it wouldn’t help. It wouldn’t ease anyone’s suffering but his own. His victims would still be trapped. If anything, he’d cause more suffering by leaving Jon alone. And it doesn’t sound like he would ask for Jon to kill himself afterwards. Death as an escape is a privilege most in this world do not have access to - Salesa refers to it as “the greatest blessing” his camera gave him. At that point, Martin choosing to die wouldn’t be about making things better, or even about enacting some sort of justice, it would be solely about escaping his own guilt.

And yes, I have seen some spoilers for the end, so I know a lot of this will likely come up in a big way in the finale. I know almost no details though, and I’m still very interested to see how and why we get there….

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So I just finished 170, and I find it l really interesting that Jon offered to let Martin stay, especially when compared to the end of 159.

Because, on the one hand, it does show positive growth in the way Jon treats their relationship.

Martin has made a point this season of establishing clear and firm boundaries, and Jon has been doing his best to respect them.

In 159, Jon acknowledged that Martin thought he wanted to stay, and that it was probably safer for him to do so, but he pulled him out anyway because HE needed Martin.

Regardless of how Martin felt afterwards, in that moment Jon was putting his own needs and desires first.

Now Jon understands that Martin deserves to be able to make that choice for himself, even though he would still be devastated to loose him.

And I imagine that Martin appreciates that.

However, I also imagine that this could feed into the seeds of insecurity Annabelle helped bring awareness to in 165. The first time Jon pulled Martin out of the Lonely he specifically told Martin he needed him. And now Jon would be willing to go on without him if Martin wanted to stay? So does he need him anymore?

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Should I just binge the rest of TMA? I should just binge the rest of TMA….