#mentioned matsuo

[simplegenius042]

Late WIP Wednesday & Six Sentence Paragraph Friday

Tagged by @socially-awkward-skeleton @cassietrn @cloudofbutterflies92 @direwombat @voidika @nightbloodbix @aceghosts and @adelaidedrubman

Tagging @strangefable @strafethesesinners @turbo-virgins @minilev @g0dspeeed @josephseedismyfather @josephslittledeputy @corvosattano @carlosoliveiraa @titiagls @derelictheretic @afarcryfrommymain @megraen @shallow-gravy @onehornedbeast @softtidesworld @snake-in-the-garden @wrathfulrook @shellibisshe @chazz-anova @purplehairsecretlair @florbelles @inafieldofdaisies @ladyoriza @la-grosse-patate @skoll-sun-eater @starsandskies @vampireninjabunnies-blog @yokobai and @thewanderer-000 + anyone else who wants to join in. Here's the taglist.

Three WIPs for Far Cry The Silver Chronicles, A Radioactive Calamity Of Love, Bombs & Gore and six sentences paragraphs for a little Classroom Of The Elite AU fic not related to any of my series as of now (though I do have a separate fic in the making for The UnTitledverse). You'll find these under the cut:

Here's a WIP prologue for The True Sinners, where Joseph, per the Voice's orders, seeks out the Tarot Card Holder to tell him of his family's fate in a clearer form than the Voice can give as well as the identity of the Muse. The Voice had only given Joseph one warning; to take the Tarot Card Holder's words with a grain of salt, though his Tarot's knowledge is indispensable for their... newest wrench in the plan, the Holder himself should be considered untrustworthy and far beyond the human he had once been. Enjoy Joseph trying to keep his cool as the newest dickhead in the series, the Tarot Card Holder, tries to strike our favorite prophet's nerves down below:

The humming continued on as the Holder seemingly glided along the wooden planks from inside his stand. Joseph could not see his legs from underneath the extensive robes he wore, and watched in silence as the Holder, with his disproportionate size, did not disturb the various items he skimmed past in his little shop.

Hooded back turned to his customer as he rummaged through his piles of oddments, Joseph cleared his throat, proceeding with the matters he wished to discuss, "I've come here to seek your help, actually."

He received no response or reaction from the Holder, who ceased his humming in favor of grumbling, callously picking items up and throwing them away.

Seeing that didn't get the Holder's attention, Joseph continued, "It's of the upmost importance. The Lord had guided me here to help me understand what it is I'm not seeing in my visions. The old world is on the brink of a great Collapse that will-."

The Holder piqued up at that, stopped rummaging through his messy mound of junk. His hooded head slightly turned towards Joseph, indicating his attention had been reached, and his deep voice rumbled out, "A Collapse you say?"

Joseph let out a breath, briefly smiled to himself as he proceeded to explain, "Yes. I have seen visions of a Collapse that will end the current world and-"

"-And bring forth a new one, wipe the slate clean, etcetera, etcetera," the Holder interrupted, tone radiating mild annoyance as his hand motioned with haste, "I know what a Collapse is. I'm just confused on why that sadistic prick of all mechanisms wants a last resort of horrifying proportions like that to come this early in such peace."

Joseph blinked, brows furrowed as he sets his aviators back up. He watched the as the Holder's robed arm returned to dig around once more. The Holder stopped his movements, tugged at the object he found, and yanked it out of its little hidey hole.

Finally turning to Joseph as the stacks of trinkets collapsed and collided into clatters behind him, the Holder paid it no mind as he approached the front of the stand to see Joseph, face-to-face.

Or rather mask-to-face, considering the Holder's porcelain disguise.

The Holder leaned over the counter with one arm, and even without the stool Joseph sat on, or the size of the stand giving its owner an extra foot in height, he understood that the robed clairvoyant would still be two feet taller than him.

Joseph felt slightly intimidated being looked down upon by such a huge person, especially with all the Lord had said of this person. And yet, Joseph still held onto his faith. As long as he had faith, he would be safe from whatever vile temptations this man had.

"Whatever peace you may think is occurring isn't set to last for long," Joseph insisted, "And the Lord had guided me here. In His own humble admittance, in his own infinite wisdom-"

The Tarot Card Holder snorted with a shake of his head, "More like desperation."

Joseph breathed in a calming patter, just as his beloved had once taught him, "I am here seeking your help to know the fate of my family. A fate that he himself cannot foresee anymore."

The Holder hummed, resting his chin on his gloved palms, the triangular hood holding up like a strong tent, undisturbed by the motion, "And so it sent you to me of all creatures. You both must truly be desperate to get a win for once, huh?"

Joseph face crinkled as he eyed the Tarot Card Holder with weariness. A "win"? What is he talking about? Is this the deceit the Lord had warned me of?

"I don't know what you mean..."

The Holder's eyes, barely seen through his mask, bore down on Joseph. Letting out a huff of air, the Holder explained.

"I figured," he started, "But I must ask, how well do you know of the Muse chosen to take the role of "Hell"?"

Joseph did not comment on the words the Holder spewed out of his forked-tongue as the Voice had instructed, but he did close his eyes in thought, remembering the words and visions the Voice had shared with the Father. The fire. The Garden. Himself. And the ever-shifting future of his siblings, their life and their deaths. That was not the reason to why the Voice tasked him with seeking out the demeaning figure of the Holder.

No, he recalled, it had been the inconstant shape of Hell's figure which led God to push me towards this very stand. He remembered how volatile Hell's setting, form, and voice was within those visions.

"Nothing at all," Joseph admitted conclusively.

"I see," the Holder noted as he tilted his head, the mask betraying no emotion, revealing no humanity, "And yet you said you were here to know of the fate of your family. You do know the knowledge of someone's identity and the fate of loved ones don't exactly coincide correctly, right?"

As the Holder placed his hand from his chin to the counter, Joseph gawked in surprise as the Holder stood taller from within his stand, adding an extra foot in height than what Joseph initially believed. However, this stupor was momentary, as Joseph hunched forward, hands clasped together as he placed them on the counter, his rosary stuck between them.

"I am here to know the fate of my family and the identity of this "muse", this Hell who haunts my mind," Joseph elaborates, neck aching at having to look up so high at the broader figure, "I was under the impression you could provide me both."

The Holder chuckled, shaking his head as if he was admonishing a child, "You neglect the cost of such knowledge. If you've come seeking the Tarot's help free of charge, then I'll be the first to gleefully tell you that you can't have both. Pick one or the other, and hand over whatever possession you have on your person to complete this exchange."

The Holder glances from Joseph's face, which scrutinized the Holder, to his rosary to roaming around the rest of his body.

"Unless... you have another possession to offer alongside the one in your hands?"

Joseph caught on, glancing to the rosary in his hands, gripping it until his hands drained pale.

He avoided the Holder's eyes, and the larger of the two softly hummed, whether in understanding or waning patience of the exchange Joseph couldn't bring himself to focus. The Lord never mentioned this...

"It didn't tell you, did it?" The Holder deduced, chuckling, "Ah yes, such exchanges as these require you to offer something of equal value in return. Often time a gift from a loved one, regardless if they reside in the mortal realm... or have already departed."

Joseph brushed the ornament of the cross, the beads digging into the palms of his hands as he held on to it, like he was holding her hand again.

She always had faith. And she shared that faith with me, giving me back something I thought tainted and lost to the words and hands of Old Man Seed. Gifting me a piece of her, an immortalized memory, like the ink on my arm.

And he was expected to let it go?

"Why?" Joseph breathed out, voice so timid that he was surprised when the Tarot Card Holder scoffed in response.

"Why else?" his baritone voice drilled into Joseph's head, not so dissimilar from the Voice, yet this was more... cold indifference on the Holder's part. Irritation reeked out of his words, an annoyance that has grown over time from spending the many years, perhaps decades, answering the same questions over and over again.

In the Holder's eyes, Joseph was no different from any other person seeking out the Tarots' wisdom.

Taking Joseph's silence as lacking an answer himself, the Holder explained further, "A possession that was a gift from another is far more valuable to the individual than it would be if they got something for themselves. The level of care one must put in to preserve such gifts, makes it harder to let go."

The Tarot Card Holder's broad shadow encompassed Joseph's body, the shorter man hesitantly looking up to find the Holder had leaned closer to his face. And in the empty chasms of the masks sockets, Joseph spotted the dim glow of inhuman gold irises glowering into his pleading blue.

"So, Prophet. Are you willing to give up her rosary for the sake of your family? Or will you give it up for a stranger's face and name?"

Here's a WIP for The Waters Of Life Flow, my Fallout 3 fic in the A Radioactive Calamity Of Love, Bombs & Gore series. Imagine wanting to find your dad with your best friend but some strange, blindfolded woman hijacks that plan to get you to show her around the Wasteland that you've only set foot on (and can't back out under what may have been a threat of "consequences"... however vague that can be considered a threat). This is still in its early stages of development. Anyway, Alph and Amata walk Marissa "Ress" Bishop to Megaton as seen below:

The heat of the sun simmered down on the trio as two begrudgingly walked in front of one, a situation more likened to a warden keeping watch of her wards rather than two "locals" giving the "newcomer" a tour as their unofficially branded captor insisted.

Alph glanced to Amata, his best friend taking the heat outside the air-conditioned vault as well as he is. He could guess that her jumpsuit was itching against her skin as badly as his own was, the material clinging too close for comfort, the blue clothes damp from sweat.

He chanced a look back to the woman behind them, the glaze of her long platinum blonde hair shining with an ethereal beauty, almost like how he envisioned angels would have from Dad's descriptions.

However, Alph wasn't foolish enough to neglect the memory that this woman was anything but angelic. He saw how she killed those crazed people at the school. While not ungrateful for saving them, forcing both him and Amata to walk her around the area with his old, yet still functional, Pip-Boy was a different story entirely.

Especially since there is practically nothing noteworthy marked on my map, but she wouldn't know that.

Which was true, the two maps on his Pip-Boy only showed the markers that indicated the only Pip-Boy wearers in the vicinity, and the trails had made. The surrounding area around his marker was dark on the map.

Amata helped him mark down the coordinates of their Vault and he had the foresight to mark down the location of both the school and what had once been a neighborhood.

And now we're on our way to "Megaton"... or at least where I hope it is.

Alph snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a curious hum. His focus returned, and he realized that the woman had noticed his gawking, in spite of the fact she was still wearing a blindfold.

When she gave him what he assumed to be a friendly grin, he couldn't help but remember the manic one she wore when she slaughtered their captors. Freaked out by the bloody image, he turned his eyesight straight ahead, focused on maneuvering around the boulders in scattered around them rather than the woman behind them.

He heard her snort behind them, and Amata turned her head slightly to look back at the woman, but paused in the action, and shook her head as she kept forward.

Her face was flushed, dark skin boiling under scorching sun. He wasn't any better, with his lighter skin turning an uncomfortable red. How in the actual fuck is the psycho behind us not dying in those clothes?

Though the better question would be to ask how her pale skin hadn't been burned to a crisp from the flamethrower that mohawk guy blasted at her earlier, but he chalked it up to just defective equipment... for now.

He heard Amata gasp beside him, grasping his arm as she pointed forward.

"I-I think this is it!" she stated aloud, relief and joy flowing out of the laugh she let out. Alph focused forward, really missing his glasses, but through his blurry vision, he could see a mass of metal welded together to form a gate. There was also a robot out the front of it, the corpse of a giant insect full of charred holes only a few feet away from it.

Alph smiled, checked his Pip-Boy, and saw that the predicted coordinates were a match. He almost let out a chuckle.

Until he felt the hand of that woman pat his shoulder, then he soon lost his smile.

"Good job you two," she congratulated them, arms slinging over both their necks, "I knew you'd make perfect guides. Now unless you don't mind burning in daylight, I suggest you get a move on. Capiche?"

And here's six paragraphs for a small Classroom Of The Elite AU fic I've been working on, a little "What If" canon divergent scenario I've come up with. Essentially it boils down to "What if Kiyotaka Ayanokoji was accompanied by Takuya Yagami and Ichika Amasawa to the Advanced Nurturing High School?" as a ploy orchestrated by Atsuomi Ayanokoji to see how the masterpiece can perfect the two fifth generation students to be equal to him and give these two a chance to help Ayanokoji adapt socially. I haven't ironed out the exact details of how this is done, but I mostly wanted to write a fic where Ayanokoji was like an older brother-like figure to both Amasawa and Yagami (...in his own way) and how this would fuck up the plot. Also, my man Yagami needs a win after being done so dirty in the source materials. I will be combining elements from the anime, manga and light novel because I'm insane like that (especially for Yagami and Amasawa). Anyway, here's the six-paragraph introduction:

The bus ride had been uneventful thus far. We passed by Cherry Blossoms and the dwindling city buildings of Tokyo, and as a vehicle of public transport, occasionally pulled up at stops to pick up further passengers; few were casual citizens, most were high-school students.

I fell under the latter; amongst the seated boys and girls wearing white shirts under red blazers with gold trims, though with definite differences in the uniform depending on the student's sex, was myself, standing with one hand on my backpack, the other on the straphanger above me. I involuntarily shook as the bus drove on the road to my new location.

I kept my idle gaze out the bus window, the flurry change of Tokyo's scenery from declining pink to the increase of concrete tempting me the chance to ponder on whether the sociopolitical status of Japan's society met the standards of equality, but I had held off on following that thought, especially with two eyes fleeting glances at me from the seats behind.

I found their staring difficult to ignore, more annoyingly so due to my keen awareness of the fact. I had wanted to remain inconspicuous, but their fidgeting would bring unwanted attention towards me, and on themselves, if they were too frequent. Perhaps not consciously, but subconsciously the rest of the students could become curious or worse, intrigued by my presence if the two continued their prolonged stares.

Though I couldn't exactly fault my kohais; regardless of how ridiculous the notion was, their observation of me was not unfounded. For Ichika Amasawa and Takuya Yagami, I was an enigma, a living legend in their generation. Not only a name, but a title, a successful set of data that they were expected to surpass in the curriculum.

I wasn't so concerned about Amasawa, as her apparent admiration of me likely outweighed any desire to do anything against me. Yagami though... despite his gentle demeanor, I suspected he was hiding his true thoughts of me underneath the surface.

Nothing I could do now; we were all on the same bus, heading into an unknown ocean of variables and outliers. A consequence of Matsuo's kindness upon taking care of the three of us, I suppose.

[shigayokagayama]

i keep thinking abt the toichiro as cat leaving food at ur door. what do u think abt the seventh division, the other goobs yknow yknow

koyama and sakurai: your bonded cats you got from the shelter who are CONSTANTLY beefing it but cry and scream if separated for one second

muraki: kind of weird and mean looking but VERY polite, loves people and attention and will get super mopey if ignored

ishiguro: your relative's elderly declawed cat who will kick the shit out of you if you try to move while he's in your lap

tsuchiya and mukai: pairbonded absolute menaces. very sweet to each other, little assholes to everyone else, will bite you if you try to take a picture of them snuggling. no one believes you when you tell them tsuchiya isnt mukai's bio mom.

terada: your deeply untalented cat who keeps beefing with other cats despite sucking shit at fighting and trying to jump to the treat shelf and completely beefing it. embarrassing animal to coexist with.

matsuo: keeps bringing live mice inside seemingly for fun

miyagawa:

[irradiatedsnakes]

list of all the birthdays, heights, and ages from the mp100 fanbook

just in order from front to back. since a lot of these arent on the wiki. all the character profiles also include blood type and weight and other tidbits but these seemed like the most interesting details and my hands are kinda sore today so im just jotting these down

name: month/day, height in cm, age

mob: 5/12, 157.7cm, 14

reigen: 10/10, 179cm, 27 [his character profile from the manga, which is identical in every other fashion to the fanbook profile (ie mentioning he likes to fall asleep to b-movies), says that he's 28. not sure what's up with that, i assume just a minor error.]

dimple: ?, ?cm, ?

musashi: 8/23, 187.4cm, 15

sagawa: 9/25, 152.5cm, 14

yamamura: 12/25, 185.7cm, 15

shimura: 1/3, 188cm, 15

kumagawa: 9/10, 184.2cm, 15

tome: 9/27, 159cm, 15

inukawa: 2/29, 158.1cm, 14

kijibayashi: 9/15, 174.2cm, 15

saruta: 4/11, 175.9cm, 13

takenaka: 7/7, 164cm, 14

tsubomi: 2/7, 151.1cm, 14

onigawara: 6/6, 167.3cm, 15

ritsu: 7/2, 159.4cm, 13

kamuro: 10/7, 159.5cm, 15

tokugawa: 4/14, 167.7cm, 15

mezato: 9/28, 149.5cm, 14

emi: 5/18, 152.7cm, 14

One Of The Aliens: i'm just putting in the whole image for this one, actually. (machine translated)

teru: 4/13, 161.4cm, 14

mitsuura: 7/30, 176.3cm, 39

kurosaki: 6/29, 149.4cm, 13

hoshino: 9/1, 156.6cm, 13

asahi: 3/10, 151cm, 13

the shiratori brothers: 2/22, 144.3cm, 13

shou: 12/1, 153.3cm, 13

koyama: 11/2, 180.5cm, 26

sakurai: 7/24, 175.9cm, 27

terada: 10/8, 177.7cm, 49

tsuchiya: 9/13, 159.9cm, 26

muraki: 2/22, 180.1cm, 50

takeuchi: 4/19, 177.3cm (normally), 181.6cm (in his powered-up form), 21

mukai: 11/20, 137cm, 11

matsuo: 3/3, 161.6cm, Age: Private

ishiguro: 10/30, 141.4cm, 84

muto: 4/18, 169.6cm, 44

miyagawa: 12/28, 173.cm, 27

serizawa: 3/31, 181cm, 30

suzuki: 6/4, 178.8cm, 48

shimazaki: 7/17, 182cm, 30

minegishi: 4/30, 162.9cm, 19

shibata: 6/21, 212.7cm, 28

hatori: 4/2, 170.4cm, 24

mogami: 4/25, 172cm, 47

shinra: 9/10, 159.9cm, 33

amakusa: 3/9, 168cm, 30

jodo: 1/1, 150cm, 79

minori: 9/19, 147.1cm, 14

and that appears to be all the character profiles! yippee.

[timotey]

Like I mentioned before I promised myself not to buy any more books. Well, I can shamefully report that... I failed 😞 I just paid 2000 CZK for 10 books. Because of... reasons.

What did I buy? Mainly poetry by Matsuo Basho, Sakaki Nanao and Kim Si-sup plus another two anthologies of Korean zen masters' poetry. A book about the greatest mysteries of Czechia of old, about flying snakes and vampires etc. in our little corner of the world. And then three books about how to fight feeling blue - they were deeply discounted and had the most amazing covers 🤩

Yes, I'm easy.

And also a cheap edition of the New Testament, the ecumenical translation which is my favorite. I have the whole ecumenical Bible already which belonged to my aunt and I sorta inherited it. Nothing fancy but it was hers. For that reason I don't want to "desecrate" it with notes. That's why I bought a cheap version of it so that I can write into it, highlight stuff and so on without feeling guilty about it.

So, yeah. I failed. On the last day of the year. I failed. Woe is me 😑

[katatonicimpression]

Shinobi Shaw and Kwannon

AKA "What did my boy get up to in X-Men (1991) #21-23?"

This post is summarising Shinobi's scenes in these comics, in anticipation of his appearance in Psylocke (2024) #2.

For her part, in these comics Kwannon is trapped in Betsy's body and memories, and it is during these issues that she realises that she isn't Betsy and remembers her life before this. During this arc, the X-Men go to Japan and fight Silver Samurai, Nyoirin and Matsuo. At the time, she seemed unaware of Shinobi's role, but likely learnt about it after the fact.

The TL;DR of this is that Shinobi and Kwannon never met in person from what we're shown, but Shinobi does have uneasy business relationships with Matsuo and Nyoirin. He initially plans to kill "Psylocke" (presumably just Betsy) for the Upstarts competition, then abandons this plan.

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CW: These comics are racist.

I will be posting panels from them below. The art is (somehow) not the worst of Marvel's depictions of east asian people in the 90s, but it's really not good, and, story-wise, we're dealing with a lot of stereotypes, tired tropes and caricature. If these comics could play audio, the intro from "Turning Japanese" would play when you opened it.

The purpose of this post is mainly to describe the plot, so I won't specifically be deconstructing or analysing these tropes but I wanted to acknowledge this up top, so every knows what we're getting in for.

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This is Shinobi and Nyoirin:

Here, Shinobi "Still No Real First Name" Shaw, drunk dials Nyoirin while hosting an orgy. That's my boy alright.

He says that he'll back him up in an upcoming meeting, in exchange for helping him kill Betsy. The details of this plan are vague, but Shinobi suggests that he can help Nyoirin recapture Kwannon.

Also, the narration describes killing Sebastian as "the smartest move he ever made". True, but not necessarily saying much.

It's then hinted that Shinobi is deliberately playing up his own drunkeness to convince Nyoirin he's no threat. It's implied that he has his own plans, and may not care to help him at all. Either way it doesn't matter, because...

A few pages later, it turns out Matsuo has turned up in his flat and demanded that he should be the one to kill "Psylocke". Shinobi threatens to murder him, then doesn't because what's the point? Immediately, Shinobi caves. He is no longer out to kill any X-Men for the rest of these comics because why even bother?

Once again, the world's least committed supervillain.

The next issue, we have a fun little sequence that really has nothing to do with Kwannon at all, but does develop Shinobi's character:

Look! He's using his powers! They never let him do that nowadays!

He also tells these guys that he doesn't care about them lol. And he mentions how he wants to look out for his mum! My "Shinobi's mother is alive and well and thriving" headcanon remains undefeated.

Matsuo remarks that he's surprised Shinobi (you know, the powerful mutant and Black King of the Hellfire Club) didn't just use his powers to kill the dude who attacked him. Shinobi brushes it off, but we the audience know that this is not the first time he's refused to actually kill anyone by hand. In fact, he'll consistantly refrain from doing so until that one terrible (also racist, also transphobic) issue of X-Force.

This is important for Shinobi's character. He's in a murder competition, but despite his blustering, he doesn't have it in him to personally take out anyone aside from his abusive dad, and even in that case, he didn't use his powers to do it. He used a bomb... which didn't work. Sebastian's alive.

His immediate willingness to let Matsuo "win" back in his apartment is part of this too. He doesn't actually want to do any of this. He wants to fuck around and day drink. He wants his mum to be safe. He's not a good person, but he's not really got it in him to be that bad either.

This is part of that weirdness with Shinobi's character where, to me and to many other readers, he comes across as very sympathetic, but it's unclear what the intention really was. It's possible, and in fact likely, that the intent throughtout Shinobi's reluctant villain era, was to portray him as a coward, in an attempt to show an emasculated villain. Similarly, his strongly implied bisexuality was likely an attempt to villainse him. Most depressingly, the exploration of his childhood abuse that we see later, may also be intented to cast him in a negative light.

One reason I think this about the intent is his appearance in #23:

This shows our heroes, Gambit and Beast, crashing into Shinobi's bath (iconic, doesn't happen enough) to ask about what's been going on. They confirm the existence of the Upstarts competition and aren't happy about it.

Then Beast implies that Shinobi has a small dick.

Great.

----------------------------------------

I have no idea if any of this will be touched on in the new psylocke comic. Maybe they'll mention it, maybe they'll change or retcon it. My hope is that he gets a sympathetic treatment, nice art and hopefully something more interesting and characterful to do than he's had recently.

I think, if we assume no changes and no retcons, how Kwannon feels about Shinobi would probably depend on how she feels about Matsuo. But there's no actual reason for any strong animosity between them, but also she would presumably distrust him (for good reasons).

[rifki16]

Tadaima, Okaeri Episode Ten Recap Analysis

Instant ramen with sausages and kimchi

We finally get some Yuuki's actions. I'm so happy and proud of him. The episode revolved more on his potential relationship with Matsuo-san. However, of course, we still got to see the adorable Hikari, Hinata and Michiru ^^

Yuuki and Matsuo-san’s Relationship and the Perception of Homosexuality in the Omegaverse

The first time we have ever seen Matsuo-san being shipped with Yuuki was in the third episode, if I’m not mistaken, the one where Masaki and Hiromu just mended their relationship with Fujiyoshi-san, Hiromu’s dad, and they spent, what was supposed to be, an afternoon date with Hikari’s Fujiyoshi grandparents. At the end of the episode, after a game of hide and seek during which, Matsuo-san was holding both Hikari and Hinata in his hands, Matsuo-san was complaining that he hurt his arms and Yuuki was trying to lightly massage his back. Hiromu took a picture of Yuuki’s act of kindness, and in the post-credit scene, he sent it to Matsuo-san. While standing and waiting for Yuuki to grab the menu of the burger chain, Matsuo-san was thinking about Hiromu’s, and his father – Fujiyoshi-san, act of shipping him with Yuuki.

Fast forward to this episode, we saw how rambunctious the twin younger brothers of Matsuo-san can be. They cornered Yuuki, during the middle of the episode, I suppose in-between the playdate that they were supposed to participate in with Hikari and Hinata. They then asked him, “How far have you gone with our brother?”. Yuuki of course answered it in the literal sense. Side Note, I think I have seen the joke used in a live-action BL, I think it was My Love Mix-up. Anyway, he then kept on pestering Yuuki with questions about his relationship with their older brother. They said that his brother usually dates girls, however, as their brother has not been dating for a while, their dad has now been pinning his hope of Matsuo-san’s marriage with this “Yuuki” that their older brother kept mentioning about.

Yuuki then somehow puzzled with the statements and questions from Shuuto and Yuuto. He had this face like the thought of dating Matsuo-san never really crossed his mind. He then reminded the twin younger brothers of Matsuo-san that a). he’s a man, and b). he’s usually the one getting protected.

I don’t know whether the second point that Yuuki said was a mistranslation or what. The context was: the twins said that their brother was the “doting and protective” kind of lover, Yuuki tried to deny the allegation that he’s dating their older brother by saying that he’s the one who usually gets protected, doesn’t that just fit the kind of lover that Matsuo-san usually seek? Anyway, I still don’t understand how him bringing up the two points can refute the allegation that the twins levied against him.

That brought me to a second point about this scene, why would Yuuki’s gender matter in Matsuo-san’s decision-making matrixes as to whether date Yuuki or not? Aren’t people in the Omegaverse used to seeing same-sex relationship? My comprehension is that the people in said universe just detest different secondary sex identifiers to mate. I don’t think there’s an inherent homophobia in the way that the scene was played out. It seems just like the case of Yuuki being oblivious and not seeing himself as a potential partner to Matsuo-san, despite being the number one cheerleader for Masaki and Hiromu. Is it that maybe same-sex relationship is still quite rare in the Omegaverse which made Yuuki confused?

Or is Yuuki’s confusion and self-exclusion caused by Shuuto and Yuuto’s earlier statement when one of them said that their older brother usually date women? And hence, Yuuki simply cannot see himself as one of the lover contenders in Matsuo-san’s life.

My analysis aside, during this confrontation, he was thinking his way out of the questions that the twins kept giving to him. He assured them that he is not Matsuo-san’s lover, yet, he said to himself that calling their relationship as “acquittances” was not right because they are too close and intimate to just be acquittances. He also added that he couldn’t just be a friend to Matsuo-san, because he felt like he was closer than just being a friend to him. He then reiterated to the twins that he’s not the “clingy” type to his friends – something that he always does to Matsuo-san. The twins then asked, something to the effect of, “then, why are you [clingy with him]?”.

Matsuo-san then interjected the confrontation. The twins scuttled along and left Matsuo-san and Yuuki in the foyer, I think it’s the foyer of the house, I’ve never had a house that big. Upon reflection from the questions that the twins gave to Yuuki, he then asked Matsuo-san, “are you dating anyone?”. Matsuo-san then answered that he is not, and he added that he wouldn’t be spending too much time with Yuuki if he had been. Yup, you guess right, the misinterpretation then came within Yuuki’s mind that he had been selfishly hogging all of Matsuo-san’s time because he thought that maybe if he hadn’t spent his time with Matsuo-san, Matsu-san would already have a girlfriend at some point.

We then saw the playdate continued. Hikari was playing Trick or Treat with the guests; Hikari played the candy giver not the receiver. When he came to Yuuki, he then said, “give the candy to someone that you love”. Yuuki immediately gave his candy to Matsuo-san. After that, Hiromu gave his to Masaki. Seeing what Hiromu did with his candy then made Yuuki a little bit self-conscious, as he just was confronted as to whether he liked Matsuo-san. Linguistic side note, in Japanese, as I have written before, the word “sukida” or like is more often used in expressing romantic love rather than the word “ai”. Yuuki then regretted his action because he thought it was just plain, platonic love, I suppose.

Matsuo-san then drove the twins to the train station to send them home, however before departing the Fujiyoshi house, he insisted that Hiromu got in the car. On the way to the train station, Matsuo-san then harangued the three guys not to pressure Yuuki to fall for him. Matsuo-san admitted to the three guys that Yuuki is clingy to him, however, he deemed that Yuuki is too young for him.

Side note, this was also brought to my attention on Twitter several weeks ago. Someone replied to me on my tweet about shipping Yuuki and Matsuo-san, that Matsuo-san is too old for Yuuki. I replied to them that they might not be that far apart as Matsuo-san might be late 30s, and Yuuki is early 20s, so like 10 years apart at wost right? Is that too far? I mean, many straight Hollywood actors/any midwestern or southern cis straight men always date a much much younger woman, this one is a decade apart, by the worst projection.

I understand the toxic power imbalance that older – younger couple combination might have, be it because financial reasons or any social capital the older significant other might have. The task of the anime is then detailing more how Matsuo-san and Yuuki can solve this adversity of their relationship.

When Yuuki was alone with Masaki, Hikari and Hinata at the Fujiyoshi house, Yuuki clarified about the whole candy sharing incident with Masaki and said that he was thinking of other kind of love. However, Masaki told Yuuki that what made him happy was the fact that he instinctively wanted to give the candy to Hiromu, just like that, without thinking that deeply to it.

Yuuki then told Masaki about how he intended to put more distance between him and Matsuo-san. He said that he didn’t want to be an imposition to Matsuo-san, to be a hurdle for him in getting a girlfriend. Masaki then replied and said that he didn’t see it, his whole relationship with Matsuo-san, the way Yuuki recounted it to him. The reason that Masaki said his reply was because of Matsuo-san’s face after Yuuki gave the candy to him. He probably saw the absence from the expression of annoyance from Matsuo-san. Masaki then added, “I guess you see it all the time”.

Yuuki seemed to be confused by the reply. He then needed to spend the night at Fujiyoshi’s, along with Matsuo-san, because he got drunk after drinking the wine from the twins. As he was getting a cup of water at the ground floor, he saw that Masaki and Hiromu were getting it on. He then realized what “face”, or a more appropriate translation seems to be “expression”, that Masaki referred to in their conversation before.

After getting back to his room at the first floor, he saw that Matsuo-san got woken up because he needed to get a glass of water. He then asked Matsuo-san to sleep next to him in the bed after telling Matsuo-san not to get a glass of water downstairs.

I’m just very happy that the anime evaded the really unnecessary plotlines of misunderstanding between Yuuki and Matsuo-san; the whole “I need to quit seeing you so that you can find a girlfriend” plot line is very tiring in Japanese BL shows.

This is already too long of a recap review. I just want to talk a little bit about Hikari and Michiru’s friendship. I think the anime was really good in portraying a good male friendship, even the twins also acknowledged that. I think even CollegeHumor already made a skit about how most of cis-male friendship is nothing more but abuse and bullying.

You all really need to watch the episode, it’s so good in portraying Yuuki’s development.

[yannig]

I just finished bing-watching Tadaima Okaeri, and I have one (1) thought:

Yuuki is aroace

I know it's all supposed be about him being asocial and not understanding social cues and everything, okay!

But it all fits so well in an aroace reading!

Yuuki completely missing what the twins are asking (both about sex and romance) until they make it blatant. Him having no idea how to define his relationship with Matsuo. The certainty that Matsuo is going to find a lover and they won't be as close anymore. Both of them not knowing what to do with the age gap. Not realizing the implication of meeting the family. Yuuki giving his candy to Matsuo when Hikari says "to share with the one you like" then panicking when he realizes it could have been taken as romantic. Repeat but with the bed sharing. Yuuki being more tactile with Matsuo than with anyone else and not knowing why and panicking that he might have been awkward and overstepped.

And despite all that, and despite their entire social circle probing about it, he never even once think their might be something romantic going on between the two of them.

Not once!

This is the perfect occasion to explore aromantism (this show doesn't even show the main couple kissing chastely, I'm not expecting enough mentions of sex to get to the point of asexuality), relationship anarchy and QPR.

Is that where the show is going? Most likely not. If we get a season 2 (or if I go read the manga) I can bet Yuuki and Matsuo get a romance.

But it would really be a perfect occasion!

Conclusion: Yuuki is aroace and I will take no criticism.

[konjaku]

唐鼠黐[Tōnezumimochi] Ligustrum lucidum

唐[Tō] : Old China, Tang dynasty

鼠[Nezumi] : Rat, mouse

黐[Mochi] : 黐木[Mochinoki](Ilex integra)

鼠黐[Nezumimochi] : Wax-leaf privet(Ligustrum japonicum)

It is a naturalized plant that introduced during the Meiji period(1868-1912) and has since been feral in many places. Although much like the native species Nezumimochi, it has larger and thinner leaves, and when held up to the sun, the veins of the leaves show through.

雪ふりの明る日ぬくし藪椿　 之道 「ヤブツバキ」という植物は別にあるらしい。『本草圖譜』などは女貞（ネズミモチ）の一名として「ヤブツバキ」を擧げてゐる。さふいふ事の當否は専門家の知識に俟たなければならぬが、もと／＼俳句は博物學に立脚したものでなし、俳人は植物學者ではないのだから、どう解決がついたにしろ、それのみに則るわけには行きさうもない。この句なども女貞と解したのでは、やはり面白くないやうである。

[Yuki furi no akuru hi nukushi yabutsubaki　Shidō 「Yabutsubaki」 to iu shokubutsu wa betsu ni aru rashii. 『Honzō zufu』 nado wa jotei (nezumimochi) no ichimei toshite 「Yabutsubaki」 wo agete iru. Sō iu koto no tōhi wa senmonka no chishiki ni matanakereba naranu ga, motomoto haiku wa hakubutsugaku ni rikkyaku shita mono denashi, haijin wa shokubutsu-gakusha dewa nai nodakara, dō kaiketsu ga tsuita nishiro, sore nomi ni nottoru wake niwa ikisō mo nai. Kono ku nado mo jotei to kaishita nodewa, yahari omoshiroku nai yō dearu.] (Today,) the day after a snowfall, it's warm and a flower of Yabutsubaki(Camellia japonica) is blooming.　Shidō There is apparently another plant called "Yabutsubaki". "Honzō zufu(The botanical illustrated reference book; written in the Edo period)" mentions "Yabutsubaki" as another name for Jotei (Nezumimochi). Although we can only rely on the knowledge of experts to determine the suitability of such things, since haiku is not based on natural history, and haiku poets are not botanists, so no matter how it is resolved, it is not likely to be based solely on that. This haiku also does not seem to be interesting if it is interpreted as Nezumimochi. From 古句を観る[Koku wo miru](Appreciating haikus from the past) by 柴田 宵曲[Shibata Shōkyoku] Source : https://dl.ndl.go.jp/pid/1128306/1/35 Shidō, or 槐本 之道(Emoto Shidō), is one of Matsuo Bashō's students. The relevant page in Honzō Zufu : https://dl.ndl.go.jp/pid/926450/1/7

[ecargmura]

Tadaima, Okaeri Episode 12 Review + Final Thoughts - Rekindled Bonds

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS IS THE FINAL EPISODE? No! I demand a Season 2! This show is way too cute to end. It’s way too hard to part ways with this show after these three months. I hope you don’t mind the rather long review of the finale. I’m just trying to cope with the fact that my Mondays won’t be the same anymore.

I love that while Masaki is a little bothered about what had happened last episode, Hiromu cheers him up with encouraging words. Hiromu really is an S tier husband. Seriously, he knows what to say when Masaki is down and he always does a success job in cheering up his spouse. He tells Masaki that not everyone will be understanding, and while he really only cares about his family, he still wants to see Masaki do his best when it comes to other people because he loves that part of him. He respects Masaki to let him do what he wants, but if things get hard, that’s when he’ll step in. Since he also likes Aoto like Masaki, he wants them to reconcile because he knows it’s worth it for them both. Damn, if I don’t have a man like Hiromu in my life, then I don’t want to get married.

The conversation with Masaki and Yuuki shows that what Masaki is afraid of isn’t the prejudice directed towards him that makes him become timid and overthink, but rather how it affects his family. He doesn’t want his family to be rejected for asinine reasons—that’s his biggest fear. He loves his family and doesn’t want anyone to harm them. Throughout the story, Masaki’s biggest support has always been his family, which is why he’s hurt that someone rejected his family because he loves them so much. I do like that he’s a very loving person but it’s not portrayed in a poor way.

The conversation with Masaki actually encourages Yuuki to confront Aoto when he saw him and have a talk about the Fujiyoshi family and everything he knows about their relationship from Matsuo. Apparently, Hiromu and Masaki have been dating for ten years but only became mates around three years ago. There was a time where Masaki was okay with being mates with Hiromu and he didn’t mind not being his most important person given how omegas were usually treated. Hiromu actually hated that thought and eventually learned something very important: respect. Yes, the reason why Hiromu is the way he is now is because he respects Masaki, omegas and himself. Masaki is the way he is because of the same reason as well. That’s why they’re willing to accept Aoto and want to let him know that they’re fine with his pheromones because Hiromu can control himself. I love that Yuuki is the one who tells Aoto all of this and it’s because he respects the Fujiyoshi family and sees them as the ideal couple; like Masaki, he doesn’t want anything bad to happen to their family as well.

It’s because of Yuuki’s words that Aoto does confront Masaki. I really like the chain reaction. It turns out that Aoto’s behavior from before was due to having a condition where his pheromones leak out a lot more than usual and he cannot suppress or control it as he hasn’t found the right medication for it. It also affects his mood, so he was uncontrollably anxious and afraid back then. Because an omega couple have a hard time conceiving children together, Michiru was actually born from luck and Aoto is worried that he might inherit his condition, hence why he was afraid of being around alphas because of this.

Aoto does feel like what Masaki could’ve been if he didn’t have Hiromu in his life: fearful of others, constantly anxious and lonely. Aoto’s spouse is no longer alive, so he always believed he had to protect himself and Michiru because of this. Fortunately, Masaki reassures him that he’ll be here to help because they have to support each other as fellow omegas, like how Aoto mentioned back in Episode 9. He also tells him that what’s important is to be able to express his love for others because, for Masaki, what hurt him more than the discrimination was not being able to tell the people he loved that he loved them. That’s why he wants Aoto to be able to learn how to love others even as an omega. This is really sweet. Masaki is right, though. It’s better to love others than to put a wall around yourself because there might be others out there willing to love you if you’re willing to do the same. Hikari also teaches him this. Hikari says that he loves Michiru and wants to play with him and Michiru is able to receive that love back. That is the factor that helps Aoto realize he’s not alone and that he has people he can count on and also protect Michiru. Hikari really is like a guiding light.

Fortunately, their issues are all resolved to the point that Aoto is invited to their Christmas party. Heck, I love the difference between the Christmas party in Episode 1 where it was just Masaki, Hiromu and Hikari celebrating it on their own. In this Christmas party, everyone’s invited. The Christmas party is actually much different from the manga as in the manga, only the Mochizukis, Yuuki and Matsuo were in the house while Hiromu’s parents and the twins came at the end. Here, they’ve invited Iwata and her dog Ran, Yuuki’s mother comes, Kazuhiko sends flowers, and Hiromu’s two colleagues show up. Hiromu’s parents and the twins show up at the middle of the party too so they get some screen time. It was funny to see the twins fall for Aoto at first sight because he’s exactly their type—they like people similar to Masaki. Compared to the quiet Christmas in Episode 1, I loved seeing the liveliness of this party because it shows that they’ve broadened their horizons and have their own found family in their community. It’s such a heartwarming sight.

Because this is the finale, not many things are resolved. Yuuki and Matsuo have mutual feelings for each other, but they’re not dating. The twins fall for Aoto in this episode, so that’s never going to be resolved unless a season two is announced. Yuuki and Matsuo actually become official in Volume 4 while the twins and Aoto have their moments sprinkled out in that same volume. Despite that, I do think this was a good closure for this story. What do you think?

Final Thoughts

It’s still crazy how I live in an era where Omegaverse stories are getting anime adaptations. Given the craziness of the genre, I’m actually glad they chose the tamest story of the bunch to be the first. Hopefully, Tadaima, Okaeri will be a stepping stone for future potential adaptations of the genre.

However, despite me loving this story, this anime does feel like it’s intended for those who are more familiar with the genre because it was written at a time where the genre was still new to Japan hence why the conventional rules are so different here. Because of that, I can see why people do tend to get confuse when the omegaverse lore comes into play. I’ve read a lot of omegaverse stories, so I’m familiar with its rules and conventions, but someone else may not be as familiar with it. I would say that this anime is like a deconstruction of omegaverse stories in a way. If I do have gripes about Tadaima Okaeri, it would be that it could’ve explained the omegaverse lore a bit more to help first-timers understand the genre.

Despite the omegaverse lore, this anime is perfect as a feel-good heartwarming story about a family and those around them. It’s perfect healing for the soul. Even as a slice-of-life family story, I do like that it does do things not many stories of similar genres have—that would be aging the characters. Hikari goes from almost 2 to 2, then to 3 after Hinata is born and him getting older is shown as he looks less chubbier than he did in Episodes 1 to 3; his personality also develops a lot, so it’s like watching your neighbor’s kid that you’re so fond of grow into his own person Time also changes as different seasons are shown throughout the story, which is a detail I like.

For a story like this, characters are vital. Omegaverse stories relies on characters a lot. Fortunately, these characters are great for the type of story they’re in. While the main couple look like a typical BL couple, it’s how they behave that sets them apart from others in omegaverse. Alphas are usually written as domineering and rather toxic, but Hiromu was never that. He’s practically a gentleman in an omegaverse setting. He loves and respects his spouse and family so much and never gives in to prejudice, stigma and discrimination. Masaki is a bit self-loathing and had a rough past, but he’s willing to accept love and affection from his family and friends. The story was also Masaki’s journey into accepting and respecting himself not as an omega but as a person, so it was nice to see him grow alongside Hikari. What I love most about the main couple is that they’re not afraid of PDA. They kiss and are physically intimate all the time. Sometimes, BL stories in general like to have a character shy away from affection. While Masaki is a rather shy character, he goes in for the intimacy as much as Hiromu and it’s so nice to see. Yuuki is probably the standout character of this story. He’s a beta, but he also grows through growth too. His personality helps him stand out as he’s the youngest of the adult cast, so he’s the type that can get along with both the kids and the adults. All the other characters are really good too and fit the setting well.

To be honest, for a BL anime, this cast is STACKED. It helps that a majority of them are or have been active in the genre, so they know the nuances of what to bring for stories like this. The biggest BL veterans are Toshiyuki Morikawa, the BL emperor, and Kosuke Toriumi who had been active in BL in the past—he was Akira in Togainu no Chi! They both do great jobs in delivering their characters’ emotions. Because the anime has babies, female voice actors are also casted and the voice actresses they use are actually rather well-known names too; I think they did the best job. Hikari is voiced by Atsumi Takezaki who is extremely versatile. She’s known for voicing Anya from Spy x Family and Frieren from Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End. Gosh, I think she did the best out of everyone here because her baby voice is super convincing. Kaede Hondo as Michiru was also a great performance because Michiru started off as very soft-spoken but in later episodes, he has a more assertive voice. I’m also amazed with the baby babbles Konomi Kohara did; by the way, these three actresses were in Gakuen Babysitters, so they’re very familiar with how to voice babies.

I really like the animation! Studio Deen may have some misses, but they never miss when it comes to BL adaptations. It’s crazy that they got the director of Sasaki and Miyano and the character designer of Given and meshed them into this extremely cute story. Did you know that the character designer also did the character designs for the Gakuen Babysitters anime? The adults look similar to Given characters while the babies look like Gakuen Babysitter babies. It’s like a good blend of both. I also love how the studio colored this anime. Everything is so soft that it matches the vibes.

The music is great too! The opening song is addictive and the ending song is a nice way to end an episode. The OST was really nice to listen to! At times, I’d like to replay some scenes because I really like some of the music they play in the background. Some highlights include the little marching song that plays when Hikari does something cute and the soft guitar piece that plays when Hiromu and Masaki have a heart-to-heart.

I know that people have their own stigma towards omegaverse, but the moral of Tadaima Okaeri is to look beyond stigma and accept things deep within one another. Yes, the genre can be icky at times, but I assure you that this is a really good story if you’re able to put aside your biases. The heartwarming aspect is perfect for any first-time BL consumers too. I would totally recommend this not only as a BL anime, but as a slice of life family story as well.

[lorirwritesfanfic]

What Loss Feels Like

Book: Bloodbound Characters: Lily Spencer, Jax Matsuo, Kamillah Sayeed, Adrian Raines, MC - Samantha (mentioned) Rating: E Word count: 867 Reading time: ~3min Summary: After Samantha's passing, Lily pays a visit to her friend. Based on the prompts: @lilyspencerappreciationweek day 5 - Lily's Friendships/Relationships/Family / @choicesnovchallenge: Dia de Los Muertos

Author’s notes:

Samantha is a creation of this author. The other characters are owned by Pixelberry Studios;

This piece is set between the end of book two and beginning of book three;

I apologize in advance if Lily's characterization seems off. It's been a while since I played Bloodbound.

Warning: This piece contains descriptions of blood and death. Reader discretion is advised.

"No! No! No!" Jax cries out. Hot tears stream down his face torn between anger and pain as he holds Samantha in his arms. 

He isn't alone though. The same pain begins to spread from her chest to her entire body. And it's also on Kamillah's and Adrian's faces as Samantha's blood pools down the floor. A pain so intense, worse than any physical pain she ever had.

"It can't be..." Lily tells herself as she sinks on the floor next to her best friend's body. But reality hits her hard as her pants get soaked by Samantha's blood. The pain somehow grows stronger. 

Her hand touches Samantha's. "She's still warm," she murmurs. But for how long? Who knows... Does it even matter at this point?

While Adrian goes feral trying to punch Gaius's tree and Kamillah holds him back, Lily hears something strange. Using his sword, Jax cuts his arm and holds Samantha’s head towards the gash on his wrist

"Dude, what the hell?!" Lily says as she slaps Jax’s arm.

"She needs my blood. It’s the only way…" Jax mumbles.

"Stop it right now!" Kamillah shouts.

"Jax, stop it! You can't do that!" 

Lily tries to shake him away to no avail.  

Jax ignores everyone else and presses his wounded wrist against Samantha’s parted lips. 

"You don't know if that's what she wants," Kamillah tried to reason.

"I'm not gonna lose her! I can't lose her!" Jax croaks. 

"Let him do it," Adrian says.

Kamillah and Lily look back at Adrian, who somehow seems as calm as usual, despite the bloodshot eyes. One can't even imagine he was furiously kicking a tree a minute ago.

"But we don't know if—"

"She asked me to turn Lily. Maybe she thought about being Turned at some point," Adrian affirms.

Lily looks at Samantha's body as Jax attempts to feed her with his blood. Samantha wanted her to live so badly she got Adrian into a messy fight with the Council. Sam fought tooth and nail for her to be part of a clan. Maybe she would've considered. She just didn't have time to talk about it.

"Keep feeding it," Lily says.

"Not you too..." Kamillah grumbles.

"Maybe she wanted this! She wanted it for me. Why wouldn't she want it for herself?"

"She asked Adrian out of desperation!" Kamillah snaps.

"And so are we!" Lily wails.

Kamillah turns away as she discreetly wipes a tear from her cheek with one finger then says. "Fine."

Two days later

A crescent moon lights up the graveyard as Lily walks calmly towards Samantha's grave carrying a vase of flowers and a large bag. She doesn't know anything about how Samantha wanted to be buried. It never crossed their minds to talk about such things, but Samantha certainly would appreciate having her favorite flowers on her grave.

"Hey, bestie..." Lily smiles ruefully as she puts down the vase and sits. "I brought you some violets."

Taking a trowel out of the bag, she starts digging a small hole on the floor and takes the flowers off the vase.

"I know what you're thinking, but I did my research on gardening. I know what I'm doing." 

Taking a small box of fertilizer from the bag, she opens the box, mixes it with the sand then places the flower roots on the small hole.

"I don't know if this is what you wanted, but you like violets. It's gonna look nice, right?" She says, covering the flower roots with her hands and using a small watering can to water the soil.

"We never talked about this stuff. We barely had time to talk about normal stuff lately..." Lily looks down as she washes her hands. "But we should have, you know? We should have talked about death, bucket lists, final wishes, memorials... We should have!"

Her eyes well up as she looks at Samantha's picture. "Maybe then I would know if you wanted to be Turned."

A gentle breeze brushes her skin as she collects herself. "Jax tried, but we don't know if it worked. That's killing him. He's a mess, by the way. Adrian and him are emptying Raines Corp drink supply. You'd hate it to see them like this." 

"Kamillah said Turning takes time, that we have to wait a while... But the waiting is just..." Lily shakes her head as she cries once again.

"It shouldn't have been you... I don't know how much it'd hurt to lose anyone else, but... Would it be this painful?" Lily croaks. "It hurts so much, bestie..."

As she cries out, the wind blows stronger, rustling the leaves. A sweet yet spicy smell seeps through the hair, as though it rustled some flowers nearby or somebody sprayed perfume in the air. The scent kind of reminds her of Samantha.

A few minutes pass by until she finally calms down, finding some comfort in the silence of the night and in the smell. 

"Well... That's pretty much it. We're all a mess. Everything is a mess. I don't know what's going to happen next. But I'll keep fighting with the gang. We'll fix this. For you."

Lily then stands up, cleans up the dirt from her pants and gathers everything, placing it back in the plastic bag. 

"I hope you do wake up eventually. Luckily, not as a feral." She crosses her fingers. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be waiting." She then smiles at Samantha's picture on the grave. "Good night, bestie."

With that, Lily takes the plastic bag and walks away.

[lightlycareless]

First, it hurts— Chapter XXXVII

Naoya Zen’in x Fem!Reader

While arranged marriages are not uncommon in the jujutsu community, it was strange to receive a proposal from none other than the Zen’in’s, nonetheless your clan accepted and before you knew it, you were married off to Naoya.

Your new purpose was clear: to serve and submit, to be seen and not heard. To forget any sense of individuality in favor of obeying your husband.

Will this marriage ever flourish into something else? Will it change…for better or for worse?

Chapter warnings: mentions and… details of smut. It’s like a paragraph. Mentions of physical and emotional abuse, a bit of fluff… and angst. And there it is! 😊

A/N: None, except, have fun!

Now, without any further ado, happy reading! 🥰

Masterlist ➸ Chapter 38

Ao3 link.

“I thought we had an agreement.”

It was almost comical the way you were intercepted, just seconds short of you serving yourself a glass of water in the kitchen. One intended to help you, well… process Naoya’s demonstration of vulnerability and all that in between.

A procedure, that of course, wasn’t meant to happen just yet given the way you were forced to give an explanation just before you could come to terms with the other.

Taking one last gulp, your trembling hands put down the glass of water onto the nearest counter—the way you were able to do so without dropping it alludes you, as well how your aghast demeanor appears to remain undetected by Matsuo’s radar—before glancing up to him and his deep, accusing eyes, exuding nothing but disappointment, if not frustration, towards your supposed breach.

“We did”

“Then why did you abandon master Naoya?”

“Well, I—”

“And this better be a good excuse” he interjects “To run across the estate like a deranged woman… unbelievable! ”

Oh, how easy it was for him to fall back into his usual demeanor. 

Now that you’ve agreed to his requests, Matsuo got the impression that he’d secured your willingness, allowing him to order you around however he desired, instead of seeing it as something delicate that you might withdraw if provoked.

But of course, that’s not something anyone considers from Naoya’s side of the family, less towards you.

…

…

Maybe.

Or perhaps his frustration stemmed from being genuinely worried for Naoya—his condition was critical after all, unheard of the always thriving heir, worsening when he continuously refused to take his medication without your intervention. It would drive anyone paranoiac.

…

…

No. That couldn’t be. 

You’d heard how others referred to Naoya once he fell off the graces of his family, Matsuo included according to Mariya, leading you to correctly presume that his antagonism began from his desire to belittle you.

Not that it mattered anyways, because at this moment all you could think of is how do you begin to explain your behavior?

A lie should be sufficient, you think, but it must be convincing enough to stop him from seeking further explanation. Something like “I suddenly remembered I left something on the stove” or so…

But he’d be able to call out your bluff, considering that there were people there beforehand, presumably working on Naoya’s meal—they could easily dismiss your testimony if Matsuo wished so.

Shall you tell the truth, then? That the reason you ran away was because of your fear of emotional confrontation? 

You’d only get laughed at.

That you were afraid of seeing Naoya cry? 

You’d get laughed at and called crazy. Naoya’s cruel reputation precedes him.

Perhaps you should’ve anticipated a witness to your abrupt exit, or that he’d remain around to see you actually comply with his request—”just in case”— and prepared better.

Your judgment, however, would become clouded the very moment you saw Naoya act like… that, for the first time in your life.

His tears continued to unsettle you, lingering in the back of your eyes, as they slowly overruled the seemingly unbudging image of the cruel, cold man who could only care for himself, you always knew him to be.

Out of the two scenarios, Matsuo is most likely to believe the first one thanks to your previous statement. Hell, if you even dared speak against Naoya’s well known reputation, his staff might think you’re trying to “cover yourself up!” and “how dare a wife defame her husband with such ludicrous statements!”—As if they hadn’t done the same to you since the moment you arrived…

Guess you’ll have to lie your way out of this one. It’s not something that makes you proud, but, well, wasn’t there a saying that couples often adopted mannerisms from the other…?

“I suddenly got thirsty.” you begin, working through the knot in your throat to appear as confident as possible. “I hadn’t been able to get anything beforehand, so while Naoya-sama was busy taking his medicine, I decided to come here.”

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

Yes. But you won’t say that out loud. Where is he going with this anyways?!

“Excuse me?”

“I heard you speaking to him—about his mother. And your peculiar insult” A shiver travels across your spine when considering the implications. 

His frown deepens, and the taboo surrounding Tomoko, as well as the gravity of your words, inundated you with deep uneasiness, albeit followed by an angering sense of intrusion. 

“I don’t care what your purpose was with that conversation, but I do care about imposing the proper sanctions if you dare try anything funny. ”

It was only a matter of time before his own staff felt deserving enough of punishing you as well. Although that no longer scares you, because what else could they do to make you suffer? You’ve already lost enough.

“I don’t know what you—”

“Thread carefully, Y/N.” He threatens “You’re not the first one who attempts to do something like this. The moment I get the idea you’re taking advantage of my master, I won’t hesitate to act”

You press your lips, doing your best to hold back a frown; his words nothing but barks… until they’re not.

“Or your ladies” your eyes widen, and the aura surrounding Matsuo grows arrogant—he’s got you right where he wants. “I know they’ve been cut off from the rest of the staff, and that Meiko has been kind enough to not touch their salaries, but rest assured, if you do something—”

“It won’t be necessary.” you interrupt, rushing to defend your ladies. Contrary to you, they still had lots to lose, and you’d be damned to let your actions affect them once again. “I was just curious… and emotional . It won’t happen again.”

“Curious…” he scoffs, credulity etched in his words. “Of course you were.”

You look down to the floor, the best—and only— thing you could do to keep your emotions at bay. Having proven your initial suspicions of him, this only made you angrier. Enraged for how incompetent you were against it all.

“Naoya-sama’s food is going to be served in a bit. I expect you to continue on with your duties .”

You raise your eyes to him, giving him a quick nod of acknowledgement.

“I’ll be there”

He doesn’t respond outside of a huff, not even returning your nod, before seeing his way out of the kitchen and back to god knows where, leaving you alone with the rest of the cooks.

Even in their presence, you can’t help but sigh loudly, releasing your pent up frustration from both Naoya’s and Matsuo’s actions. More with the latter as of right now, given the repeated obstacle against your upper hand.

Is this the so-called opportunity you wanted to take advantage of? The one you used to virtually sway Mariya away from radically intervening? What a joke!

There’s no doubt in your mind now that he’ll stick around just to oversee you—realizing how lucky you were that he hadn’t burst through Naoya’s door the very moment he heard you crudely dismiss him under the guise of your mother’s supposed hatred for him. It made you wonder what would’ve happened if he’d seen his master like that ; would he still call you crazy?

But most importantly… 

Did your words really affect Naoya that much… to the point of making him cry?

You don’t think so, or more likely don’t want to believe so, but the tears in his eyes were very real, that much you could confirm.

You don’t like this, you don’t like this at all, not one bit. You don’t like being shown this new side of Naoya. The one that makes him vulnerable, the one that sees him suffer.

The one that makes him human .

He doesn’t deserve that kindness, he doesn’t deserve your empathy nor consideration after all you suffered, and yet… your heart can’t stop itself from feeling compassionate .

Given the Zen’in’s twisted ideals, alongside Naoaki’s backstory, it was no surprise that their upbringing was heavily absent from their mother—probably tarnishing her in the way too, because why not?

Yet, not even in a million years , could you have expected that even with all the hatred they held towards women, Naoya would still be capable enough to care for his mother, long for her presence… but would be refused these things.

Not even with his title of heir, would Tomoko find it in her to accept him. Rejecting him profoundly, 

Their relationship was so fractured, he didn’t even know her.

You’ve been a part of the Zen’in clan for a while now, and yet, their ways are still a complete mystery to you.

It only makes you feel loneliness, and your desire to go home grows exponentially. But given your circumstances, you know this will only hinder your new responsibilities, thus you do your best to push it as deep as possible into the back of your mind and focus on Naoya… and this new side of him.

The one that will continue to haunt you as your trial begins.

The first day encapsulates your unwanted conversation with Naoya, and his meal.

While you were not to feed him per se, although you ended up doing so in the end because let’s be realistic: Matsuo thinking anyone else would be able to do this task after seeing how “stubborn” Naoya acted, is foolish.

In fact, you didn’t even wait to be instructed, instead going straight towards the poor maid holding your husband’s food as soon as she entered the room and relieve her—by the way Naoya’s eyes twinkled when he saw you back in his presence, alongside your intentions, made it too obvious that this is what he wanted anyways.

And his pleased demeanor seconded that though, although it was more eerie than anything, for it was just a few moments ago that he was crying, frantically questioning your feelings for his gifts, his brother, or if you remembered your mother…

His current behavior must be a side effect of the medicine and his sickness, that’s what you tried to reassure yourself with in order to keep working, because if there’s one trait you vividly remember of him, is his ability to torment you with things you had seemingly done, even the ones you don’t remember—like the cake situation back at the candy store.

So yeah, it’s either that, or…

Either way, Naoya was out of his goddamn mind, and unfortunately for you, you have front row tickets for it.

“I like miso soup—it’s my favorite.” he would begin halfway through his meal, a gentle yet excited look on his face, comparable to an innocent child, as he receives another spoonful from you. “Do you like it?”

Yep, definitely out of his mind.

“I do.” you respond, the heavy gaze on your back forcing you to speak as kindly as possible. Had it been up to you, you wouldn’t have responded at all. “I’m not picky, so I tend to eat whatever is available.”

“I see.” Naoya pauses, admiring how you grab another serving of soup, gently waving some of the heat away, before offering it to him. He leans to you, carefully taking in the spoon with his mouth and drinking everything in one swift movement, ending with a smile.

It’s almost endearing the way he seems to enjoy his meal through you, with his face beaming whenever he looks at you, starting up conversations between the two.

By his demeanor, an outsider would’ve never judged he’d actually abused you in the past— Or that the great Naoya Zen’in enjoyed the simple things in life.

“What’s your favorite food?” he resumes, you look back down to the bowl, preparing another serving.

“Whatever is on the table”

Naoya frowns, clearly dissatisfied by your answer. His reaction makes you feel a bit uneasy, quickly feeling that this was not up to Matsuo’s standards and would now proceed to take it out on your staff… until your husband speaks again..

“Surely, there must be something you like the most.” he eggs on, a sly smirk on his face. 

“I try not to.”

“Come on, princess . Tell me” he insists, and you inwardly cringe when hearing that nickname — in front of his staff , of all people!! You don’t see Matsuo react, nor want to, but you suppose he has a look of confusion on his face, and you know for sure that he noticed the tension settling on your shoulders.

At least you have the reassurance this is something neither will bring up in the future. 

“If you could have anything in the world right now, what would it be?”

A heartwarming memory from your past makes for an easy answer, but your unwillingness to indulge in it with him makes you hesitate.

Yet, there isn’t much you could say or do against this cornered situation, you either budge to him or Matsuo…

Nor could you deny that you felt somewhat… seen by his sudden interest in your persona . Not himself, or anything that related to him—just you , for the first time in this marriage.

A gentleness that eventually convinces you to respond.

“Pancakes” you reveal. “They’re… somewhat easy to do, and tasty. I used to prepare them a lot when I was in school.”

“You cook?” he asks, eyes wide, as if he were surprised by the revelation; serves to show that even when husband and wife, neither knows each other. “Did you do this?”

“No, I didn’t. I don’t cook that much, either way—just bits and pieces here and there”

“Oh—I really thought you did. I just assumed that everything that taste and looks good comes from you”

A compliment that goes right over your head, mainly because of how embarrassing it was .

“It didn’t” you say, taking another spoonful of soup.

“I’ve never tried pancakes before.” he admits, leaning closer to you. He would’ve gotten the chance, if Junko hadn’t decided otherwise. The vision of her throwing away your efforts continues to haunt you to this day. “Nor I think I can, but still”

“It’s just bread.” you explain. “There’s nothing special to it.”

“I would still like to try them, you know?” he pouts, and somehow, you don’t know what it is, you’re prompted to look up to him. His fixed eyes and closeness make you jolt, but his soft facade makes you speechless. “How about it? Think you could prepare some for me?”

Whether you go quiet because you were intimidated by his presence, his staff, or because you’re still trying to come to terms with his new demeanor… it’s still unknown.

All that you know, however, is that you don’t feel threatened by him at this moment, away from the usual fright that always makes you wonder how he’s going to attack you, how you’re going to escape, and instead, you’re surrounded by a sense of normalcy, one of… domesticity, per se.

Behaving like you were his wife, dutifully tending to his sickness while worrying if you’re doing your best to nurse him, and he… your husband, cherishing the woman he still can’t believe he’s lucky enough to have her there, by his side, and admiring all of her efforts.

“Maybe one day I’ll make you some.” it’s what comes out of your lips after prolonged silence. He smiles.

“I’d like that.” And Naoya takes your promise at heart.

It’s probably one you won’t keep after all this is over, realistically speaking, but at that moment no one, not even you, seemed to care about that. If anything, all your mind could think of is if Junko will allow you to serve him that, and if Naoya would like them.

That night goes on rather uneventfully, if you don’t consider being bombarded by your ladies’ worries, and their preemptive measures so whatever sickness plagued Naoya didn’t extend to you.

“Wait—really, I’m fine!!” you’d cry for the nth time that night, tugging and writhing against their hold as they attempted to force whatever nasty concoction they prepared to supposedly strengthen your immune system down your throat. 

One sniff and you already knew the taste would be foul . It was so pungent, you believe it to have been made with things that weren’t supposed to be eaten at all!

“That’s what they all say the first day, and then, BAM! Fever in the morning” Haruko attempts to justify her behavior whilst holding you down by the shoulders.

“That’s not—that’s not how it works!!”

“It’s true, a cousin’s friend got sick just like that.” Hitomi nodded. Of course, everybody always has a friend of a friend to support their claims!

“That’s all too bad, but I’m not drinking that!”

“Then you leave me no choice.” Mariya sighs, looking over to the sisters giving them a quick nod. An action that combined with her tone, makes you tense up at the spot.

“Wait—What are you—No, Mariya , no, Mariya, nonoNO!—” all in one swift movement, Haruko pulls your head back, Mariya pinches your nose, ending with Hitomi pressing the cup against your lips and serving you a rightful dosage of that nasty drink only God knows what it is made of.

You instinctively swallow it, quickly and in one big gulp to avoid its taste settling in your tongue, although you end up gagging when sampling its texture, which you unaccounted for until it finally traveled down your throat. 

“Oh, god, it’s— bleugrghhh ” you choked, twisting your mouth and shaking your head in efforts to get rid of the aftertaste. “What the—what the fuck was that ?!”

Having prepared your reaction, Hitomi offers you a glass of water, which you don’t hesitate to take and force down your throat with yet another big gulp. The intensity of your actions makes you feel like a fish of sorts, eager to take a hold of any liquid you could find and devour it, but the shame of it doesn’t hold a candle against your necessity, and by the third glass, the taste begins to dissipate. 

Whatever remains is something you should be able to wash off by brushing your teeth… or eating something sweet, just as the mochi Haruko presents to you.

“Gotta fight the bad with the good!” she says, a wide grin on her face as she moves the plate closer to you.

“Where’d you get these?” you ask, taking the offering. While you still reeled from your awful experience, it didn’t stop your mouth from watering.

“I made them!” she proudly declares “It’s my first time trying them out, so I’m not sure if they’re going to be of your liking…”

“Oh, Haruko! How could you even say that?!” you gasp “I love your food, and for you to have made homemade mochi…. I feel… very undeserving of these!”

“Don’t be” Hitomi chimes in “Haruko will eat them if you don’t—if she hasn’t already….”

“Hey!” she cries, gently hitting her arm. Everyone else laughs.

“Well, there’s one thing for sure, these are not going to waste—how about we share them?”

“Ah, I’m fine.” Mariya says, shaking her head. “I’m still pretty full from dinner.”

“Yeah right, Mrs. shaved ice” you tease with a giggle, easing your revenge as Mariya’s left eye twitches, Hitomi looks at the two perplexedly…

“Huh?” Haruko blinks, looking at you, then Mariya, and finally Hitomi, feeling left out of this inside joke. “What does that mean? Do you like shaved ice, Mariya?”

The night continues with you and your ladies chatting a bit more, complaining how Matsuo oversaw your interactions with him, as if he truly cared for him! And Naoya’s unusual behavior.

“How infuriating” Hitomi would say “Acting like nothing happened…”

“I commend you for your patience. I would’ve thrown the soup over his head!” Haruko says, and you don’t deny that at least in the beginning, that’s what you wanted to do. “No matter the cute pet name he used on you!”

“But that’s not all to it… is there, Y/N?” Mariya, always the bullseye, guesses.

“No” you say “He was so… different, another person entirely. It makes it hard to believe he’s the one that made my life a living hell. Made me doubt for a bit too… consider what would’ve happened if only we…”

“He still is, he’s just affected by his sickness” Hitomi quickly reminds you “Do not lower your guard. If he gets the chance to hurt you again, he will take it .”

And you guess her to be right, after all, just because he spoke to you softly, as if he genuinely cared for you, doesn’t mean all of his past actions are forgotten.

It’ll take a whole lot more for you to leave all that in the past—more than just a few discs, sweets, and the realization that the two might have more in common than you think.

After hearing their reassurances, the reminders to be careful around him, they leave you to rest—Sleep comes to you not so long after, and the first day of your trial ends.

The second day begins just as routinary: with you waking up early, eventually joined by your staff, a brief appearance from Junko, and the responsibility of taking care of your husband… accompanied by a small surprise.

“ Dress him ?” you ask Matsuo, who wasted no time to appear by your door as soon as he heard you were ready for the day. “I thought I was only to give him his medicine”

“And that’s what we agreed on, didn’t we?” Mariya steps in, sharply eyeing the man.

That was one of the many things you hoped would be at least off limits during this… circumstance .

But once again, what you want, isn’t necessarily what you’re going to get. 

“I never said that” 

Thankfully, Mariya’s determination and fearlessness was much bigger than yours, which meant she was not to step down so easily.

“Lady Y/N can’t focus all of her attention on him, there are other responsibilities she has to tend to as Lady of the House ”

“Of course she does” he responds dismissively—seriously, where did he get the audacity from? “But she’s his wife before anything else. Besides, this is something she’s supposed to do anyways, if she wasn’t sleeping in another bedroom.”

«Now she’s his wife» Mariya curses internally. «Convenient.»  

“Has Junko-san been consulted about this?”

“Junko-san? What is that woman needed for? Isn’t Y/N capable of dressing Naoya-sama by herself? Didn’t know she had a third child.”

Mariya’s triumph card, set down on the table and immediately discarded. 

It’s been a while since Junko required you for anything since she already went through most essentials by that point (limiting your access in the estate sure made it easy for her). Either way, Mariya still hoped her name held importance… at least a bit.

“...No, she doesn’t.” Mariya responds, looking at you with a face that says I’m sorry before glancing back at Matsuo. 

You don’t blame her. Not even when she promised to get you a better deal, you didn’t hold it to her, because you knew very well it would be impossible when it came to Naoya and his health.

Just as you said, if it wasn’t Matsuo insisting, it would be the doctor, and then his relatives, and so on and so forth—Presences you’d rather not have.

“To think that would be… silly.” Mariya quietly concedes.

“Then I guess you have your job cutout for you.” Matsuo looks at you, and you sigh. Guess you do.

You’re right where you started, inside your husband’s bedroom—this time, however, alone .

Maybe you finally convinced Matsuo to leave you to your devices, somehow earning his trust… or perhaps he arrived at your same conclusion of how embarrassing it was for him to be overseeing his masters after Naoya’s uncommon display of affection. 

Well, whatever his reasoning, it didn’t matter, because after a brief consultation with Mariya, you agreed that even with his presence holding you back, it was too darn foolish to let this opportunity go to waste.

“Don’t worry about us, as I told the girls before, Meiko can’t let the order of things fall into disarray” she’d reassure. “The slightest disruption and the masters won’t hesitate to let her know. So don’t let Matsuo intimidate you, he’s always been all bark and no bite anyways—and if there’s something you need to take advantage of right now, it’s his vulnerability. You need to get as much information as you can and get out of here. ”

And that’s what you intend to do… 

But it’s always easier said than done, isn’t it?

“Good morning” He’d be the first one to speak, a rather courteous beginning, you’d conclude, too early to assess what kind of Naoya you’d be seeing that day….

“Morning” you murmur, eyes solely focused on the garments already laid out on the futon. At least you weren’t burdened with the choice of picking his outfit. God knows how you’d be scrutinized if it wasn’t to his entourage's liking.

“How did you sleep?”

“I did.”

“What?” he blinks, confused.

“I just… did.” you responded, going for the first garment, a shirt. “I slept, neither good nor bad, I just did. That’s all.”

He stares at you for a few seconds, as if trying before a smile appears on his lips and laughs.

“You’re funny, you know that?” The out of his mind Naoya , it is.

His laughter and response makes something inside you churn, perhaps he didn’t intend it, but his words still came out as demeaning, as if he were making fun of you.

Even with his sickness, it seems that some traits of his other personality still lingers.

Of course it does, after all, it was him who decided to treat you horribly before. Just because he was… different, it does not erase it completely—you must proceed with caution.

“That’s good to know.” you say, ignoring the sentiments boiling inside you, as well as making any kind of eye contact—last thing you wanted was to put a face to that irritation you were trying so hard to suppress and thus, struggling even more to vanish it.

Keeping your gaze away from his would turn out to be quite the endeavor, more so when you were nothing but inches away from his face.

When was the last time you were this close to him, like this? You wonder…

That horrifying night of his arrival would be when, but for this specific scenario, your mind can’t help but drift further away into the past, into your honeymoon.

Throughout your stay there, everyday was plagued with the same routine. He’d take advantage of you first thing in the morning, and afterwards, and later on. Only stopping when he grew too tired and wanted to eat, or train, sometimes something else, but it usually kept at that.

And if he was feeling like it, he’d drag you into the bathroom and expect you to clean him up—probably his desire to indulge in a bit of domesticity, debuting his wife in something more than sex. 

When you put it that way, it sounds beyond ridiculous—and it was.

You’d try to do your best, whatever your fear and anger allowed you to, or even Naoya himself for he wouldn’t be able to exert a few moments of “restraint” before he’d claim you again, right there and there.

He virtually took you whenever and wherever he could—there was not a single place inside the ryokan that didn’t witness that atrocious act, but after the bedroom, the bath always seemed to be his favorite place.

“I never noticed, Y/N” Naoya would taunt you once when ravishing you. Hands on your hips, holding you just in place as he plunged deeper and deeper into your warm core. 

Drunk in pleasure, your husband often went on talking to himself, whether giving commentary you didn’t care to ponder about regarding you, nor were physically possible to, for your mind was too enthralled in the ocean of unwanted sensations he’s giving you, allowing nothing but babbles and whines to come out instead.

“How—how small your hands are!”

You don’t respond, outside of a squeak and a grunt, as you tightly hold onto the edge of the tub so as to not crumble against his unrelenting thrusts.

With each strike he lands against your sensitive spot, your gasps become louder, more frequent, making your knees buckle and his words foggier, but even with this dizzy layer of pleasure, you’re still able to discern his following words.

“Now, don’t—don’t get me wrong, I love it!” he’d snicker, leaning down to whisper and nibble at your ear. You try to stop him by raising your shoulder to your ear, but he’s faster and more determined to get there first. His warm breath against your skin makes you squirm, and your already weak hold deters once more. “And how— bigger it makes me look compared to you. Making me look good, aren’t you? Like a good. little. wife”

He accentuates the last words with a thrust of his hips, each one striking right there. You struggle to hold back your moans, your vision from fading into black, but when his hand lowers down to your mound, where you and him are connected and his fingers begin to toy and pinch your bud, it’s game over.

A load moan escapes your lips as the build up pleasure finally explodes, your gaze going completely dark as you’re rendered immobile by a shattering orgasm—your cunt instinctively squeezes him, so tightly, and so deliciously, that Naoya can’t help but surrender to it and chase his own release, grunting and growling louder and louder the more he thrusts into you, fingers marking your skin, and then, he cums.

His seed splatters hotly against every inch of your gooey walls. The way it fills you to the brim makes you nauseous, more so when you swear to feel him reach all the way up to your throat.

Naoya keeps you still, preventing you from falling forward and onto the tub—your hands were only millimeters away from falling off the edge, but your always caring husband wasn’t to permit any harm to befall you….

Or a comment to remain unsaid when he’s finally out of his trance, a smug smirk on his face as he pulls your face to his, kissing your cheek:

“But I love your cute voice more.”

You frown.

What pushed you to think about that right now… ? Incredible. 

But if there’s a positive side to this, it just motivated you to keep your eyes further away from him.

By the time you begin dressing him up, the environment was as awkward as it could be thanks to you. Even when Naoya was obliging, extending his arms when you asked, and mostly keeping to himself, there was no denying that you were not inviting him to have a conversation, and he took notice of that.

The nimble work of your hands had you finishing the first part rather quickly and without mistakes, just as you wanted. After giving one last revision and approving of his appearance, you begin to head back to the futon—Only to be stopped by Naoya’s swift hold on your wrist, although not strong enough to hurt you, it was sufficient to rattle you.

You attempt to break free of his grasp by harshly pulling away, but no matter how much you tried nor how big your frustration grew, you could never win against the hold of a fully trained sorcerer; not even when he’s sick.

Your blood runs cold the longer he keeps you in place, diving deeper and deeper into the abyss of things Naoya is capable of, while he continues to be completely in trance with your hand, as if it were the most alluring thing there.

The silence between the two is pure agony, with your lips trembling, itching to speak up and ask him to release you, until he speaks the first word.

It’s not as bad as you imagined, but it’s still up there.

“Did you always have such small hands?” he asks, tilting his head. How Naoya manages to match so many coincidences eludes as it frightens you—as well as anger you.

“They’re not small, you’re just bigger.” you say, giving another tug against his hand; no change.

“No, I really do think they’re small.” he chuckles “Look, put them like this” Naoya stretches his palm before you, motioning you to put yours above his. 

Hesitant would fall short to how you were truly feeling, and probably out of scope too. The best way to describe your emotions would probably be contempt. Although in Naoya’s defense… there was no way he would know you were angry because of that memory you had of the honeymoon, influenced by Hitomi’s reminders—he might be lots of things, but a mind reader he was not.

“Come on—Don’t tell me you’re all shy now.”

His words irk you once again, and that’s all it takes to officially declare war.

Holding back the aggravation this contact brings you, you concede to his requests, placing your palm with his, although with no care to see if they were aligned.

“There” you say. “Happy?”

“Wow—they’re really small… but very soft.” Naoya notes, slowly closing his grasp and intertwining your fingers with his. He seems content about it, and good for him!—at least someone gets to enjoy this—this stupid thing.

An enjoyment that would soon finish when his eyes begin to trail across your fingers, enjoying their warmth and admiring the care your staff had given them—overall how “good” it looked with his… that is, until his sight lands on your ring finger , immediately detecting a peculiar absence on it.

“Where is your ring…?” Naoya wastes no time to comment on it, and you inhale sharply.

This is the opportunity you were waiting for—the one to play your cards correctly.

You just hope you don’t mess up.

“It’s dirty, so I asked my ladies to clean it” you begin by responding nonchalantly.

“ Dirty?” he asks, the first time he’s ever heard anyone cleaning their wedding rings—although it would be the first time he’s ever seen anyone wear them. His relatives were not very… proud of their unions. “I didn’t know there was such a thing”

“It is, it’s the new craze amongst married couples” you explain, and Naoya can’t help but feel a bit… mocked. Rightfully so, and he has yet to see what’s coming.

“But where is it?” he asks again “How long does it take to get it cleaned?”

“Why? Do you want me to wear it?”

“Of course! You’re my wife ” Naoya breathes, almost offended that you’d ask such a question!

“I could say the same thing about yours” you say, nudging at his empty ring finger .

“Don’t answer a question with another one—I asked you first”

“Still trying to get with other people even when married?” you scowl. “Is that it?”

“Not that again…” he rolls his eyes, it seems the topic of infidelity struck a nerve—good! Now you know one of his weaknesses, and that he remembers yesterday’s conversation!

“I’ll agree to never bring that up again, if you allow me to see my family again”

Whatever animosity Naoya had towards your baseless accusations is immediately gone the moment those words fly past your lips.

“Why… would you— that doesn’t have anything to do with the other”

“Because I want to see them” you frown “What else could there be?”

“I guess so… But why? Are you not happy here?” 

With that, something inside you finally snaps, filling you with both adrenaline and anger, just enough to break free from his hold with one swift pull and take a step away from him. If his clueless behavior a day prior was enough to prompt confrontation, this one was anything but expected .

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Pardon?” he frowns. “Look, I get you might miss them, but that’s not enough reason to cuss at—”

“Excuse me if I don’t talk properly, dear husband! ” you sneer “But what were you expecting with that response?!”

“Seriously, I don’t know why you’re all angry now—You’re the one that brought up the topic in the first place! I was just asking about the ring you’re supposed to be wearing anyways!”

“That’s not— that’s not the point!” you cry back “How did you even get to that conclusion?! And how could you—how could you not see I’ve been nothing but miserable here?! You’re more worried about a piece of junk than my wellbeing!”

“Miserable?” He repeats in disbelief “You have everything here! You don’t even have to work, you just have to sit there and be pretty, you know?! Maybe do some tasks around the house, but it’s nothing compared to what I do! If anything I should be complaining that you’re not respecting our marriage. I go out there, put myself in danger so I can provide you with a comfortable life, and you’re the one getting angry just because I asked where's your ring?! ”

You want to slap him.

You really, really , want to slap Naoya. Maybe that way you’d be able to arrange whatever brain cells he has left, reset him if possible!

But you don’t—because it will lead to nothing but another fruitless endeavor alongside reprimands you don’t feel like hearing. So instead, you clutch your skirt and look away, defeatedly going back to your tasks.

“Whatever.” you say, moving towards the futon. “Forget it. Just let me get you ready.”

“Y/N, hey —There’s no need to be angry, the day just started.” he attempts to reach out for you, but you shove him away.

“Let’s agree to disagree, ok?” you hiss, kneeling down to the futon and picking the next garment. “I have work to do—believe it or not, being your wife is much more than just a pretty face .”

“I didn’t mean—”

“Naoya… please.” you interrupt, giving him a stern look. One that in his eyes, appeared to be barely holding back tears. The sight is enough to stop him. “You said so yourself, the day is starting, so let’s keep it at that.”

The way he obeys you, even after this discussion, should be commendable. That much you keep in mind as you keep dressing him; had it been “Normal” Naoya, a more unhinged version of this one, you would have not been able to respond as you’d done—the punishments for this act are immeasurable.

Thankfully, it didn’t get to that point,, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t hold onto it until later, when he was much healthier… The mere thought of it sends shivers through your spine, which you quickly shake out of your head just before it completely takes over your body.

It doesn’t take long after that for silence to engulf the two, and just as awkward, if not more, than before.

The only thing that keeps you motivated is the moment of peace you’d be able to get once you get him ready—even if it’s short lived, because you’re expected to be back with his medicine soon after—it’s still something that fuels you, keeping your mind distracted, and with such determination one wouldn’t believe it was the same person who ran away from Naoya as soon as he showed a hint of vulnerability.

Which is what your husband expected to happen, rightfully surprised when you didn’t. Might be the reason why the silence prolonged, him probably waiting for you to sprint away whenever given the chance, doubting if he should prepare for it or not, while watching you carefully oversee the last details of his clothes.

Maybe.

Naoya won’t deny that, although his resilience mainly came from another reason. One that lingered in his mind the same way your escape did in yours.

“It’s in my jacket—I always bring it with me.” he murmurs.

“Huh?” you frown, looking up to him.

“My ring” Naoya clarifies. “Whenever I go out, I always bring it with me. Try to wear it too, but since I’m often deployed on missions I fear I might lose it so I ended up attaching it to a necklace, which I wear underneath my shirt.”

You don’t believe him. And why would you? His words are an easily conceivable lie, one many would struggle to prove because evidence of it seems impossible to find!

If it’s truly a personal, highly valuable, item, only Naoya knows where he would store it, if it’s even at the estate anymore… or true.

And you continue the rest of the day believing just that. That his words were nothing but a fabrication to bring out pity from you, make you feel lesser in this marriage, like you were the one disrespecting him as a persona and husband , and not the other way around.

That is, until curiosity eventually gets the best of you and when he’s finally asleep, you rummage through his closet, checking every jacket, pants, even drawers—any place you could think of a necklace might be stored in…  

Eventually finding it in one of his jackets, and just as he described: wedding ring attached and all.

By the third day, everything finally seems to be going smoothly: Naoya’s fever lowered, enough to not be taking his temperature all the time. His body aches were less and less noticeable, evident by his disposition when doing certain things, such as dressing up and eating, although you were still very much required to be there to… back him up , essentially.

It wasn’t all bad though, for his strange demeanor appeared to have calmed down as well. No more unhinged Naoya and his stupid conversations that lead nowhere anymore: just pure silence. Odd for the talkative heir, but welcomed to you… 

Even if it meant that your window of opportunity was closing.

Either way, you dutifully continued with your role, all whilst hoping that this sudden improvement leads to a day or two of recuperation, and then, free of his hold. No more being besides him, allowing you to approach your situation differently.

But until then, you’ll have to deal with being woken up in the middle of the night, fast asleep, just after managing to overcome the same nastiness of that nasty concoction your ladies daily force upon you, to the sound of someone barging through your door.

“Y/N!” A loud booming voice filled with a sheer edge of desperation abruptly wakes you up—belonging to no one else than the bothersome Matsuo. “Y/N, wake up now!”

“Wh—what?” you fret, quickly sitting up as your heart loudly thunders against your chest. You attempt to urge your vision to clear up by blinking rapidly, a symptom of your anxiety by the yet-mysterious reason behind his actions; he eventually comes to view and you sigh loudly.

“Get decent and follow me” he says without further explanation, as if it were the most normal thing to ask in the middle of the night, or that you weren’t to ask why. His tenacity wasn’t to let you wonder, unfortunately. “Hurry!”

“Ok, ok! I’m going!” you say, hastily pushing yourself up from the bed and rushing to the door; you were more than ready to exit, until a sudden sensation of embarrassment fills your senses.

“What is it?” He says noting your stillness. “This is an emergency!”

“I need to get changed.” you murmur, wanting to disappear before his eyes at the notion of being before him in your nightgown.

Matsuo scoffs.

“I’ll wait outside.”

He didn't have to wait much, for you just grabbed the first robe you could from the closet, caring only that it was sufficiently warm to fight off the cold night and covered what needed to be covered, and joined him soon after.

It wasn’t necessary to ask where your presence was needed, for it only took one familiar turn to the left to guess you were in route to Naoya’s bedroom.

The hour and urgency of this circumstance brought you back to that god awful night of his return, but your predicaments days prior overruled those possibilities immediately after.

“He’s got fever again” Matsuo explains when arriving at his door. “Worse than before. He won’t stop sweating or shivering, and no matter what we do, it won’t come down—and of course, he keeps calling for you.”

You don’t know whether to feel worried for his condition, or flattered that even when the world seems to be ending for him, he still seeks you out.

Neither. It’s Naoya we’re talking about.

“What do you want me to do?” you say—because at this point, you can’t imagine anything outside a miracle.

“Keep by his side until it passes. Give him water, put the—the towel thing on his forehead, I don’t know!”

“Why not take him to the doctor?” you frown “If he’s so sick , why not do that instead of having me here?”

“Naobito-sama doesn’t want his condition to leak to the rest of the community— and I presume I don’t need to tell you how bad that would be for the Zen’in’s reputation?”

That not even his own father was willing to risk his clan’s image for the sake of his son is… not surprising. Doesn’t explain why they didn’t bring a doctor to the house instead if they worried so much about that—but oh well, nothing of this family ever made sense to you. 

If anything, given the way they’re toying with his health, keeping professionals out of it and dragging you along…it seems like they’re punishing him for his “audacity”

You push away your pity before it grows any more.

“What if it lasts all night? Or it worsens?” you ask.

“Then we’ll know in the morning—good night.” Matsuo turns around, more than ready to leave you behind.

“Wait, you can’t just leave like that! I still need to know how—”

But he can, and he did, leaving you once again to your own devices, alongside a very sickly husband who by his staff’s description, seemed to be at death’s door, and evidently , in need of a miracle!

You’re not to deny how stressed you were by the whole situation, the burden of having to essentially revive Naoya out of a situation most people would’ve approached by going to the hospital by now.

The possibility of him not making it out of this one is not something you want to think about either, or the punishments you were undeniably sure to have soon after, although it remained very vividly in your mind—Had the you of the past known you’d be in a position where Naoya could die … Well, you’d think it was a joke!

Yet, here you are, with the heir’s life on line, and a few prayers.

With taking one deep breath, and mustering all the motivation you could, you slide the door open and walk inside, where the sight that received you was just as accurate as Matsuo described, if not… slightly demure compared to the real thing.

With just the dim light of the nearby bed lamp you were able to see the gravity of his situation: flared cheeks, quickened breaths, and the slight chattering of his teeth, you’re quickly reminded of how feeble humans are against mother nature—careless of his previous improvements; if fate decides so, his health with not only decline, but worsen as well.

The second most noticeable thing from there would be his constant tossing and turning around the futon, alongside the poor excuse of a dampened towel thrown to the side, far away from the forehead where it was intended to be. No wonder he can’t sleep, he’s not being properly tended for!

While your disdain for Naoya is still very much present, even in moments like this, seeing him in that state is.. too close to home, and eventually, you start to feel pity for him.

If only things had been different…

“We need to do something else, because clearly, this isn’t working” you go ahead, picking the now cold towel from the floor and tossing it into the nearest furniture on the way, and kneeling to Naoya’s side.

The first thing that you do is remove the heavy blanket on top of him—even if he’s wearing lightweight clothes, they’re not enough to counteract the warmth of the cotton cover on him. First the cold towel, now this, did his staff even know how to cure a fever?! If you didn’t know any better, you’d think they wanted to kill him!

Pressing your lips together, you firmly hold the blanket and remove it from him, liberating him from the heated confine. You believe having seen him sigh out of relief soon afterwards, serves to show just how much of his condition was affected by their improper care.

The next thing you now need to do is get him into a more comfortable position, so to give him something to drink—thankfully, his staff had foreseen this one thing by letting behind a jar of water and a cup. At least they got something right…

“Naoya” you’d begin, gently nudging his shoulder. “Naoya.”

He doesn’t seem to react to your voice at first, perhaps thinking of it to be his mind playing tricks on him, effects of the fever, until after enough insistence, he turns to your direction; eyes widening when realizing you were there, on the flesh.

“Y/N—” he’d call, shakily, as he attempted to take a hold of your hand. 

You didn’t intend to flinch away from him, but you couldn’t stop your body from instinctively doing so—seems to be the only thing that remembers the monster hiding beneath this weakened man as you go ahead once more and hold his hand, completely ignoring the alarms flaring inside your mind. “Y—Y/N— I—”

“Come on, sit up.” you say, now able to pull him up with such ease. The fact that you were able to do that only accentuates the criticality of his health.

“What… are you… doing…?” he’d ask, holding onto your hand for a bit more before retreating.

“You need to drink water” you say, turning to the cup and serving water into it. You don’t ask him to hold it, instead, you go straight to his lips. “Here, careful”

Naoya obeys, taking the whole thing in one sip, outside of a few droplets sliding down the corners of his mouth, which you quickly wipe away with your sleeve.

“Have you taken any medicine? I mean, as of right now?”

“No” he shakes his head, voice low like a murmur.

“Then I’ll get you something—and a new towel while I’m at it”

“No!” he cries out suddenly, making you wince. 

“Naoya—”

“I don’t want more medicine, I’m sick of it!” he rambles on “I just want you here, I don’t want anything else!”

“You’re not going to get better by not letting me help you.” you attempt to explain, confused as to where this complaint could’ve come from whilst pushing yourself up from the floor. “I’ll be back with something that will help you, just stay—”

You were already on your way to the door when Naoya’s hand took a hold of your ankle, making you slightly falter in your step, but not enough to make you fall.

“I’m not letting you go.” Naoya threatens, rooting you on the spot. “I’m not”

“Let me go.” you frown, tugging at this hold, to no avail. How he manages such strength at this particular moment eludes you, but more than that, angers you. “ Now ”

“ No ”

“Jesus christ, Naoya, can’t you see I’m trying to help you here?!” You breathe, pulling against him one more time. “Seriously, why are you so opposed to getting treated?! First you don’t want your staff, only me, and now you don’t want that either?! Can’t you see that if I don’t treat you, you could die?!”

“Not that anyone would mind.” he argues, and the revelation, coming from him , makes you stop. “Nobody cares if I get better or not. So let’s stop acting like they do.”

Another layer of vulnerability builds up on Naoya’s character as he reveals the words your heart can’t help but feel honest. 

Any other time you would’ve rolled your eyes, told him to stop whining, and let you get his medicine, because who wouldn’t care for the goddamn heir of a powerful clan as the Zen’in?

But after all you’ve seen, after all you’ve heard from him…

Why couldn’t he just keep acting like that arrogant bastard he always was with you? The one that tormented you? 

Why did he have to show this side of him… and make it hard for you to hate him?

Why did he have to make everything so difficult?

“Naoya…” you murmur, looking down to his flustered face, as you continue. “Please, just this once, please don’t fight me.”

And for the first time in your life, your words seem to get through Naoya—whether because of the conflict showing on your face, or because he realized the gravity of his condition… it didn’t matter, he ended up weakening his hold and releasing you anyways.

You soon come back with a dosage of whatever over the counter medicine you could find in the nearest cabinet, heated him some tea you knew as relaxing, as well as a new re-dampened towel, this time with the adequate temperature.

"Did you drink more water?" You ask as soon as you come back, to which he replies by shaking his head.

“No”

"Here, you have to drink more, you've been sweating a lot. Also, take these pills" kneeling by his side, you set down the cup of tea on his side and give him said medicine, whilst taking the mental note to bring more once he calms down.

Naoya takes both without complaint, and once he's done, you ask him to lay back down into the futon.

"What are you going to do?" he asks.

"Put this in your forehead, should ease the fever a bit" you say, now looming over him and moving your hand to his head, gasping the moment your fingers grace his skin. "Jesus, Naoya, you're burning!"

"That doesn't... Make sense" he murmurs, but even when complaining, he lets you proceed. "I'm freezing..."

"It's a symptom of fever" you explain "so it's only natural that you'd feel like that."

"Why...? That doesn't make sense..." he repeats, and you can’t help but compare him to an insisting, curious child.

"No, I guess not." Once the towel is on his forehead, you proceed to clean up any unruly hair from sticking to his face, some simply brushed to the side, others behind his ear… eyes settling on his piercings. 

When you met him the first time, he didn't have any. By the second time, at your wedding, he had two in each ear, by the lobes. You vividly recall being enthralled by them, thinking them to be so... Outrageous for a traditional family like his, yet fitting. It made him look good.

And now, he has 2 more in one ear, by the top outer edge, a helix piercing as Geto would once tell you. You don't recall seeing them prior to this night, so he must've gotten it when he was suspended… 

You don’t stop your fingers from caressing them, wondering how much it hurt to get them done, or if his family complained about it. They must’ve, you supposed, but Naoya obviously didn’t care.

"It's late" Naoya suddenly comments, bringing you out of your thoughts, you’re unaware if he noticed your touch, but it no longer mattered because as soon as he spoke you retreated. “And I can’t sleep.”

He sounds frustrated. Understandably so, no one likes being tired and unable to rest.

“I know—it’s going to take a while for the medicine to come into effect, but for now just try your best to drink water and rest”

“Are you planning on staying here?”

“Yes”

“Are you… sleeping here?” he asks, almost… timidly. “If so, I can—”

“No—doing that will further expose me to getting sick.” you shake your head. “But I’ll see that your fever calms down in the meantime”

“I—It’s been a while since I… got sick” he admits. “At least to this extreme! Don’t—Don’t think I usually get like this!”

“I’ve been told—I can’t remember the last time I got sick either”

“Did you get sick often?”

“...I used to, back when I was a kid I would get the cold every winter, but not so nowadays.” It would usually start with Hinata, then you, and finally Ren. It was almost comical how it happened, like falling domino pieces, everyone in your family would get sick one started, but its duration greatly depended on each other. With Ren being the first to recover, you the last. “It’s more difficult with siblings, if one got sick, all of us got sick”

“Tell me about it.” He chuckles. “I have 5 brothers.”

“Must be a nightmare”

“It is… although it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. Guess that’s why I didn’t get sick anymore.”

You go quiet, looking down to the ground. Family: a subject that you…

“Although it wasn’t that bad… I think.” he adds, making you lift your head up to him.

“Why do you say that?” you ask, confused.

“Don’t make fun of me… but I… I used to like the syrup they’d give me whenever I was sick. It was sweet, grape flavored, like the gummies” 

“Really?” you blink.

“I know, I know—it’s… weird” he murmurs, looking away. “But I couldn’t help it; it was the only sweet around the house.”

“No, I mean… I did… too” you add, quietly.

“Really?!” he beams, excited for having found someone with his shared likings—more so, when that person was his wife . “I thought I was the only one.”

“No… I think me and my siblings liked it too” you confess “We’d try to sneak out a bit more than what we were supposed to take, but mom eventually caught us and hid it away.”

“Well, still better than the nasty cough syrup I’m given here. Made me appreciate those moments a bit more.”

“Wait… what syrup?”

“An awful homemade one, you’re lucky you don’t have to drink it.”

“I think my luck run out”

“What do you mean?” he frowns “You’re being given that?”

“I’m having it as of every night” you explain “My staff said it was for my good, to prevent me from getting what you have..”

“No way” he raises his eyebrows “They’re still giving out that thing? Does it even work?”

“Mariya-san thinks it does…” you add “Although something tells me it’s more of Junko-san’s beliefs than anything else”

“Sounds about right” Naoya chuckles. “Junko is the one that usually convinces my family to work with those weird, ancient remedies. I always wondered what’s harder, to exorcize high level curse, or change her mind.”

At the comparison, you couldn’t help but playfully scoff, a sound that as soon as you acknowledge it, makes you gasp, clasping your hands over your mouth as if to take it back.

To be laughing alongside him, your tormentor, finding humor behind his words…. Terrifies you. Yet, this pleasant side of him had done nothing but push those thoughts away, keeping them at bay.

Even when there’s still traces of his usual irritating demeanor… he was still social, genuine, and a bit humorous too. Naoya was acting as if he actually liked having a conversation with you, interested in what you had to say, and not just a pretty face for him to ogle and boost his ego with.

Once again, if only he’d been this way with you from the very beginning, if he’d been this… likable, then maybe your marriage—

“It’s kind of a “two negatives make a positive” kind of a situation, right?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking” he banters. “Although I don’t think it’s supposed to be that way.”

“No, I don’t think so either… but older people always have weird ways to work, don't they?”

“Like avoiding walking barefoot so as not to get sick.”

“Or eating honey with lemon to ease a sore throat.”

“I’d say that one works” Naoya corrects, you agree with a hum and a nod.

“Yeah, it’s the same as those honey pills, so never mind.”

“What about smelling a lemon to avoid nausea? That one surprisingly works”

“No way… have you tried it?” you blink, curious. “That’s the first time I heard about it”

“It used to help me when I was learning how to use my technique. I always ended up pretty dizzy after training and nothing seemed to work, until someone from the staff suggested I’d smell a lemon, and well, my dizziness stopped.”

“That’s something to keep in mind next time I get nauseous”

“Do you get nauseous often?” he asks, Naoya doesn’t recall ever seeing you like that.

“…a bit” you look away “When I’m on my period.”

“O—Oh” he stammers, embarrassed. It’s the typical reaction from most men anyways so you don’t pay much attention to it; if anything, you expect him to move onto another topic… until he decides to surprise you yet again. "Is it always… like that?"

“Sometimes… but that's nothing compared to the rest."

"Your pain" Naoya guessed, and him remembering that makes you feel… seen…?

"Yeah. It was so intolerable, I couldn’t do anything but stay in bed—I couldn’t even go to school. But, well, I didn’t really mind it, because I'd get pampered by my family instead." you muse, looking back to the moments that while painful, always enjoyed because it meant you’d be getting anything you wished—whether sweets, junk food, sleep, or getting to play videogames non-stop, it didn’t matter, you'd get it all. With the small price of pain though… (Perhaps it wasn’t that worth it.)

It's still hard to believe how drastically your life changed once you turned 15. Everything seemed to be off the rails since, with no signs of stopping. From being isolated in school, to isolated in this mansion.

You're not complaining about having to lose certain commodities, it's fine really, there's less people out there and if anything it makes you appreciate more of what you have.

But you'd rather lose everything, than not have your family.

"You miss them, don't you?" Naoya murmurs at your silence, you sigh.

"I miss them greatly. My sister, my brother… my dad. I miss them all. And they must be worried too, you know? It’s been a while since I spoke to them; I just… wish I could see them one more time…"

"Will that make you happy?"

You don't respond, but your silence and saddened façade is enough to answer him.

"I'll see what I can do."

What?

Did you—Did you hear that correctly?

Instead of giving you an irrefutable no and dismissing the topic completely…

Naoya is actually… Considering it?

“Re—really?” you don’t seem to believe it. Still can’t, it felt almost too—

“Yes. My wife wants that, after all. And if that makes her happy, it makes me happy. And who am I to deny her?”

But it’s real. That much you can see now.

“I—” you go speechless as tears begin to pool in your eyes. You didn’t intend to turn emotional, but the prospect of finally seeing your family after so, so long , was far too much to keep in. Swiftly wiping the tears out of your face, you continue. “How—How soon can I see them?”

“I’ll have to see… I’m not exactly in a position to demand but…”

Even through blurry eyes, Naoya is still able to see the twinkle in your eye, excitement to see your family, a vision he’s never seen towards himself, but can’t deny how endearing it is, motivating him to do anything he could to preserve it.

“I’ll see what I can do…”

“I still can’t believe this is happening.” you confess. Even if you knew that you shouldn’t get too greedy with your expectations, that this could easily be another one of his traps… something inside you tells you this is the real deal, the opportunity you were waiting for.

Even if it’s not your freedom per say, possibly a long way to go until you’re there, you’ll still take it and make the best of it, such as allowing your excitement to flow through your words—a decision that proves to be dangerous, more so when you completely ignore that the man you’re sharing these thoughts with, is the one you keep secrets from.

“I can’t wait to see my sister and my brother… “ you begin. “I’ve been longing for the day I’d be able to see them again. I know I shouldn’t be too demanding since there’s a crisis and lots of work to do… but still, to not hear anything from them… it’s—it’s been a nightmare.”

Naoya doesn’t speak, outside of a few nods and shuffles coming from him adjusting into a better, more comfortable position, whilst intently listening to your rambles.

“Especially after a long while. By the way I worry about them, you’d think they’d feel the same, right? Enough to send me something or even respond to something! But all I’ve known is silence.” you pout. “Even when Hinata told me to not worry, telling me to be patient… I just wanted to see them again, visit them, you know?

…

Was it always too much to ask, Naoya?”

No, it wasn’t. And taking everything into consideration, you should not have been kept away from them as long as you were in the first place.

Like any healthy marriage, you should’ve been permitted to see your family, visit them occasionally, or even invite them over! Get to talk about the things you’d seen in your life as a wife since you’re the only one that’s married as of that moment, maybe even compare your own experiences with your dad, wonder if that’s how your mom felt when in the judgmental eyes of the L/N clan, or perhaps you had a better deal than her, now that you were set to be the future Lady of the House—and not the prohibition Naoya imposed since day one.

His dislike towards them continues to be unknown to you. The only thing you knew of his contempt towards them was that it was strong (How could you ever forget the horrible way he’s referred to them?), and seemingly unprovoked.

Perhaps he was still sore for having lost to your sister long ago? But that was nothing more than friendly competition, one your sister didn’t think much of once over… she just had to do what she had to.

It feels almost silly to think that might be the reason for his dislike towards them… and that even with these sentiments, he still chose you to marry.

Another question rises to the moment… could this be the opportunity to ask?

You’ll never know unless you take the chance.

“Naoya, can I… ask you something?” you begin, looking over to Naoya who has now turned to his side, with his back facing you. It appears that after shifting from one position to the other, he finally found one of his liking. After a few seconds of silence, you continue. “Why did you… choose to marry me?”

He doesn’t respond, perhaps he’s allowing you to speak freely without interruptions. Nerve wracking considering his unpredictable demeanor just a few minutes ago, but you finally have the stage for yourself.

“I’m not… blind to the fact that my sister has always been the preferred one. Most people, if not everyone, from the community always speaks so highly of her—she was even set to marry Satoru, even though that didn’t happen in the end—while everyone looked at me and thought… well, that I was a poor comparison to her.

I don’t know, I guess it’s hard for me to believe that anyone would set their eyes on me. I’m not that great, I don’t have a technique that’s impressive, my grades were ok, and I’m not someone many would consider “wife material”. Hell, I’m not even that pretty!” You chuckle, and a tear slides down your cheek, which you quickly wipe away. “I guess I’m just… confused as to why you’d choose me, or that you’d keep me around after your family stated they don’t like me. There’s so many women out there that would be happy to be in my shoes, more willing too… with less problems than me, and probably with a family less stubborn than mine.”

…

…

“So… Why me, Naoya?” you ask once more “After all that… Why did you choose me… as your wife?”

You voiced your thoughts, the deepest, intimate ones you’ve been holding onto since your wedding was announced.

To think that you’d be sitting down with Naoya, although not looking eye-to-eye, but having an actual conversation and not an argument, was an amazing achievement in itself. 

You don’t know what it was that motivated you to open up to him once more, after openly denouncing him before, cursing him, wishing to never see him again, even wondering what your life would've been like if Naoaki had taken the role of your husband, it was safe to say you didn’t want anything with him anymore.

But after seeing this side of Naoya, and the promise of seeing your family once more, something sprouted inside you—hope.

If he didn’t have it in him to be kind, if he was truly, irrevocably a monster, he wouldn’t be acting like this. Naoya wouldn’t show his vulnerability if he didn’t have the ability to do so. Trusting you with the memory of his mother, and how you’d relate to it, if it was impossible to him.

But if he was capable of all this… then why isn’t he responding?

Did you perhaps… misunderstood this moment? Think of his silence as inviting, instead… of something else?

If there’s anything more terrifying than an always talkative Naoya, it’s one that remains silent, for it bares a wide arrangement of answers: was he angry? Disappointed? Offended for having seen your intentions by agreeing to take care of him?

It’s no surprise that you quickly begin to reprimand yourself for having taken this moment outside of what it was: your duty to take care of him and nothing more.

You should’ve remained neutral, give the impression that you were grateful for his consideration, appease that dominant side of him, and not bite more than you could chew…

But you couldn’t. Your emotions lead you to make the worst decision yet again, and now, you have to deal with the consequences.

Doing your best to prepare for what lies ahead, carefully inching closer to him, looming over his body, just enough for you to get a quick look at his face and… well, act accordingly.

Would his face be clouded with dark intentions? Quickly going back on his words, for how dare you question him when sick? Thinking on what to punish you with, in these quiet, pensive moments…?

Maybe, there was no way for you to know anyways, not when your heart sinks to your stomach once you see a glimpse of his face, eventually realizing that the reason Naoya stopped responding is…

Because he was deep asleep .

It seemed like the medicine started to take effect, and combined with the unwitting lulling effect of your voice, combined with the tea and your efforts of creating a much relaxed environment, Naoya was finally able to find rest. 

Well, at least your worries were proven wrong, but now you had to worry about how much he actually heard of your conversation. Most importantly, the promise he made to you .

A thing that would remain unsolved, because even if the mystery was eating you alive, you weren’t to wake him up so abruptly—his sickness was your immediate concern. So you’d continue on with your duties: checking every so often if his fever lowered by placing your palm over his forehead, dampening his towel whenever you felt it turn colder, slightly opening the windows when you felt the room grow a bit too hot, and later on, hearing him groan and hiss when going through what you later perceived as a nightmare .

In the middle of his sleep, he seems to call for someone in between slurred words. It took you a while to guess who, but you’d come to the conclusion it was his mom at first, and then… you . 

Even when deep in his sleep, you still continue to take hold of his thoughts.

Naoya would go on to whine, furrow his brow, sometimes even clench his jaw—whatever it was that he imagined, it made him vulnerable, and you couldn’t help but feel bad for him—before calming down, to later start all over again, making you wonder if you should wake up him.

He was proving you once again that he is human; a man… molded by his surroundings—a child that had the misfortune of growing up in this place, stripped of all sense of normalcy… and made into a vessel for his clan’s ideals.

Ones to which he succumbed without protest, taking you along with him.

It’s this thought that ultimately made you decide not to comfort him.

Because even after all that happened these past few days, you haven't forgiven him.

You couldn’t. Not when a part of you still seeks revenge. Wants him to see, understand, feel , the pain he put you through—Of the suffering you went through with nightmares of your own. Because at the end of the day, he’ll wake up with nothing but a sour memory, finding himself in the same 4 walls he recognizes as his house. You’d wake up, and you’d be alone, in a desolate, loveless place you’ve been forced to call home.

If he thinks his promise will compensate for all the horrifying things he’s inflicted on you, he’s wrong .

Naoya needs to do much, much more than that if he ever wants to mend his mistakes, if he ever wants you to give this marriage a second chance.

You just wish his actions during his sickness weren’t feigned.

Hope … that you weren't wrong in trusting him.

[jinzouactor]

thanks for the fic rec! Mogami trauma is very fertile character building ground and it’s so blown past in the series…I mean I know mp100 isn’t evangelion but still. i indulgently want nightmares of horrifying plant abomination mogami

also not to darken your inbox with Discourse but the age thing,,, yeah. i found that out like a few months ago and it’s one of the reasons i will jerk away from fandom at large like a hot stove. i always assumed they were at least mid-20s bc (hc) mine has the eye bags of someone who never recovered from grad school tbh

literallyyyy i meanto me the mogami arc sticks out as the most hopeless feeling part of the series but him being deployed again against minegishi also reminds you of that horror.

i think it feels like a fairly complete arc. mob finally winning over him -> captured by matsuo -> escapes to defeat minegishi -> end of mogami, suits mp100 as a series. but as a minegishi main i like to make a fuss about it.

using their plants in battle as an extension of themself and suddenly having that control ripped away? must feel bone chilling. and it grabbing you by the throat with its skeletal form. much fun. i would like them to have nightmares about it, given that it was the most pivotal thing in their character development. i think that reminder of guilt and that they promised to be a good person would be good for them. i imagine it gives them an odd relationship with morality for a while as they start developing a conscience but it takes a while to get rid of the habits and attitudes they cultivated during and before their time at claw. i love self-flagellation

and yeah sorry for talking abt the age thing but i have thoughts... yeah i feel like NO ONE expected that, and i had fallen too in love with the guy i made up in my head for lack of information to be receptive to this new concept of them. I'm sure there's pretty interesting ground to be explored there re: Claw's child esper training etc but I just don't really care for it with respect to Minegishi. other people can tread that ground.

I just think there's a bit of romanticism in "you can restart life at any time" like in Serizawa's case. In typical Mobbed Psycho fashion I just think its funny to be told by a 14yo to get your shit together at Your Big Age. my personal hc is that they dropped out of university to join Claw because no other future seemed possible for them, even if they didn't entirely trust Suzuki (as mentioned in the WD-arc)

entering the real world at late-20s early-30s after losing developmental years to Claw and the difficulties from being an esper that led them to Claw in the first place. like moeeeee that's a kind of moe to me ...

[cadybear420]

My Top 10 Choices LIs!

For the International Fanworks Day event hosted by @choicesfandomappreciation.

Aiden Zhou

Aiden Zhou Lucas Thomas

Aiden Zhou Tyler Woods

Aiden Zhou Michael Harrison

Aiden Zhou Andy Kang

Aiden Zhou Ajay Bhandari

Aiden Zhou Tom Sato

Aiden Zhou Maria Flores

Aiden Zhou Liam Rys

Aiden Zhou Imtura Tal Kaen

Honorable Mentions: Connor Green, Ava Cunningham, Parker Shaw, Hayden Young, Grayson Prescott, Ian/Ina Kingsley, Skye Crandall, Emma Hawkins, Caleb Mitchell, Kamilah Sayeed, Adrian Raines, Jax Matsuo, Lily Spencer, Kepler (ATV), Charlie King, and probably more that I can't be assed to mention now

[spifaling]

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MP100 STAGE PLAY!!!!

-i love that they just go out of the prison anytime they want. like gurl im out

-im surprised of the twin torture vision. Really didnt expect that

-SPOON

-dimple always stick to the bit. hes so funnyyyy i really love him!! especially in the second stageplay. goofy ass character

-when ritsu and mob break character because theyre laughing, they always look away from the audience

-i just love that teru laugh so much during the 3rd stageplay. He mention that during the first one, he always laugh during the practice and he even admit that he probably laugh the most that day

-teru wig has bird eggs and they hatched and then leave their nest terus a motherrr

-koyama getting annihilated by mob

-also, the tiny car 🚗

-teru needing to hold the wig because it might fall off 😭 😭

-teru taser

-terus little “that was scary” after fighting the pyrokinesis :((((

-MUKAI SOUNDTRACK :0000

-“please put yourself back with some superglue”

-matsuo gay pose

[flowers-of-io]

Crimson Days: A Brief Characteristic

My piece for the Crimson Days event held by @d2artevents! 💘 // Read on Ao3

From the writings of Eido, Scribe of House Light:

Since our arrival to the Last City one and a half solar cycles ago, I have taken notice of several Human holidays never prior mentioned in Eliksni records. They are mainly small celebrations, rarely tied to naturally-occurring astronomical phenomena or a particular anniversary, and are not commonly observable outside large civilian settlements – which may explain the lack of data. Based on an extensive interview conducted with Lord Shaxx, my own observations, and analysis of contemporary and historical material graciously provided to me by prof. Meren Hale of the Academy, I have compiled an entry on the topic of one such holiday, the Crimson Days, in hopes it may shed some light on the area not yet extensively covered by anthropologists.

NAME: “Crimson Days” take their name after deep purple-red hue, which, according to Lord Shaxx, is the colour of Human blood and most vitals. The sentiment behind that corresponds with the ancient belief, evident in many Terran idioms and phrases (see: “Language and Culture Before the Golden Age”, crpt. Tyra Karn et al.), that the heart is the emotional management unit in the Human body. Curiously, I came across no proof of the notion of naming a holiday after the colour of internal organs being perceived as repulsive.

TIMING: The holiday is cyclical in nature, occurring in the latter half of every winter-season, but appears to be entirely customary and not tied to any natural phenomena. Asked about the significance behind its placement in the calendar year, Lord Shaxx spoke of “warming up frozen hearts” and expressed what (for the lack of visual verification) I presumed to be confusion when I wished for further clarification. From the information I was able to gather, the holiday appears to be of pre-Golden Age provenience, though I could not determine which specific customs date back to the ancient times and which are the result of the impact the Great Machine’s arrival and the Collapse have had on culture.

AESTHETIC AND SYMBOLISM: According to Lorrd Shaxx, the Crimson Days are meant to be a celebration of love and profound emotional bonds. As such, the symbolic coding centers around the colour red (see above), heart and flower imagery, with some variants including arrows, birds, and ribbons (see: ‘Crimson Bond’, Briar-Athewry, “Symbol in Cultural Studies). While I have not observed any municipally-funded decorations as is in the case of the Dawning or the Festival of the Lost, individual people often decorate houses and storefronts in accordance with the holiday’s aesthetic.

RITUALS AND CUSTOMS: Unlike some holidays of post-Collapse origin (see: Solstice of Heroes), Crimson Days celebrations are prevalent in all social classes across the City, civilian and Guardian alike. They are rarely collective, instead involving a small group — usually two individuals — and are meant to celebrate the relationship between them. Common customs include exchanging gifts, most notably plants and confections, writing letters, and involving in “dating” (see: Human Mating Rituals). Group activities are typically targeted at single persons, serving the purpose of finding a mating partner. Guardian-only traditions feature a type of ritual combat, where two pairs are pitted against each other in an activity known as “Crimson Doubles”; according to Lord Shaxx, this exercise is meant to test the partners’ cooperation skills and mutual trust.

FUTHER READS:

- Matsuo, crpt., “The Past Is Now: Understanding Tradition through Contemporary Records”

- “3. Annual Conference on Pre-Collapse Culture”, Peregrine Institute of Higher Learning (see: Attachment 1)

- Briar-Athewry, Alice, “Symbol in Cultural Studies”

- Vale, K.S., “Hunter of the Heart” (see: Attachment 2)

[alj4890]

Who is your fave LI?

It's a tie between Thomas Hunt and Maxwell Beaumont. I know, I know. Two completely different characters, yet I adore them to pieces. They are both supportive of the MC's and stand by them without a second thought during horrible events. They both have a sense of humor, which is a must for me in a LI. Thomas's humor is more dry which matches my own while Maxwell just makes me smile with his silliness. They are adorable when both find out their MC is in love with them and have no hesitation in proposing marriage. This is why I replay Red Carpet Diaries and The Royal Romance all the time 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Honorable mentions: Trystan Thorne, Jax Matsuo, and Damien Nazario. I love a man who sticks by your side no matter what type of danger it puts them in.