#mental illnesses really took a toll on me all throughout my 20s

[thatsreallygay]

ladies and gays,

I have officially applied to go back to a university. I’m so nervous but mostly excited!!

please let this be a sign that you should go after what you wanna do in life even if it seems “small”. let that small thing be a ripple effect and make moves. the time will pass anyway so why not make yourself happy while you’re here? 🩷

[askteacupfollie]

Hello! Sooo i just read a coment about one thing and i dunno if you would like to answer but, what’s that about the religious trauma?? Did something happend in the past with it?? And also how’s everything?? You doing good??

(Btw; your art is amazing and so does the story, keep going like this!!❤️❤️)

Mod- Oh yeah! Sure I'll talk about it! But is a LONG one so I'll put it under the cut. (TLDR religion is the reason I hate myself) I'm happy you like my art and story! I hope I can keep it to everyone's standers!

It's really a mix of how I was raised and body dysphoria. I was raised as a Baptist Christian as well as a girl for all of my childhood. Growing up I was always told that God had a plan for me and that he loves me unconditionally. I did not have the best childhood btw, at a very young age I was constantly introduced to being poor, racism, capitalism, generational depression, mental illness, learning disabilities going untreated, horrific gender roles from the 80's and 90's, and death. I knew about death and its toll on people before I even knew my own birthday. But my father always made sure that I knew that this was God's plan for me, all of these bad things we're going help me somehow in the future. It never made sense to me but my dad was there and that's all I really needed to be comforted.

Then in 2012 I lost my father. We were so close and so much alike. My dad was on disability check and couldn't work due to his health so when I was born he practically raised me. He was the only one to notice that I wasn't a "normal" little girl and embraced my boyish nature. He bought me boy clothes, let me play in the mud, be roughty, and he was the only person who knew on how I thought. He encouraged my artistic wants of learning to draw and paint as well as my need to understand how the world worked scientifically. He was my best friend. When he died I was so taken aback. The only person who knew the actual me was gone.

As he was being buried I burst into tears, not for the lost but at the not understanding why. Why was he gone? Why had God taken him from me? I was only 15, two months from going into high school, this was THE time I would need someone who new how I worked to teach me how to express emotions right, how to keep on task for homework, someone to help with projects, ideas, and just plain someone to talk to. It never made sense. If god loved me, then why do all these bad horrible things keep happening to me and my family? Not even a few months later I lost all of my grandparents, several great uncles that I was close to, and several cats and kittens.

If god loved me, truly loved me, then why would he keep me in a continuous bought of pain and suffering? For the betterment of me? If its for the betterment of me then that means there must have been something wrong with me. That must mean god thinks who I am and who I was meant to be was wrong. And this is the punishment for it! But that didn't make sense either, because god was suppose to love me unconditionally. Even if I was "wrong". This thinking brought up the conclusions that either there is no god, or I deserved all of this punishment, I was the reason my family was suffering, I was the reason god took away my father.

And so I lived with this thought all throughout my teen years and my early 20's. I lived though the punishment because it was what I deserved. I deserved to live unhappy, to be stalked, to be treated as an object, to be ignored, to be sick, to be failing my classes... to be raped... I lived with this trauma my whole life until almost 4 years now, when I realized I was a man. My therapist told me bad things just happen sometimes. Even to good people. My therapist helped me realize that I was not a bad person, I did not deserve these horrible things happening to me nor was it my fault. I am a good person that unfortunate thing happen to.

I'm doing much better now, I got my depression under control, I'm taking hormone treatments, and I'm gaining friends who see and notice me. As for my religious view on things I have 3 views on it now.

1- There is no god and we are just here to be here. 2- Deism. 3- He's a sick bastard and to quote the innocent jewish people locked away in WW2 "If there is a god, he will have to beg for my forgiveness."

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Sunday 3 April 1836: SH:7/ML/E/19/0021

7 ¾

10 55

- I had hardly been lain down 10 minutes when John Booth called me up - went to my father - breathing short - but no pain and quite composed -I thought he would continue till morning - Marian would not leave him - John Booth and Frank, too, sitting up with him - A- low and nervous with me - went to lie down again soon after one - A- who had been awaked when John Booth came fell asleep, and slept pretty comfortably - I, too, must have fallen asleep after much thinking for I counted not the hours and tho’ I heard Frank come gently up the stairs and was up before he had time to tap at the door, yet I think I was asleep before I heard him - it was just by the hall-clock 4 40 when I got into my father’s room and it was 4 ¾ when all was over - death could not come more gently - more easily - tho’ at the bedside I scarce knew that the last breath had passed away - Marian was more composed than might perhaps have been expected - I took her downstairs into the kitchen - got her a little brandy and water to [rise] her mouth with and a little to drink and a biscuit which she ate and after talking about ¼ hour - she seemed relieved and went to bed - I had given the necessary directions to Frank last night - he and John went to bed about 6 and

SH:7/ML/E/19/0022

so did I, and all was still - I slept for a few minutes when the servants getting up awoke me - I slept again for a short while till I perceived A- was awake - we then both slumbered a little - then walked a little A- better than I expected - up about 7 ¾ - read prayers to A- as I have done both night and morning since our return from York - she and I got out sheets etc for Sharp, Matty Pollard having come about 8 ½ breakfast at 9 - Mr. Jubb came about 9 ½ - Frank went to Halifax and had told him all was over - I wished him to see Marian medically and she consented and is to have some medicine - but Mr. Jubb thought her quite as well or better than he expected - her bowels a little out of order - but her spirits very composed - Mr. Jubb to come again about noon tomorrow - Oddy had told my aunt that my father was no more - I went to my aunt about 10 for a few minutes - she seemed composed and said she was thankful that there had been no suffering - Marian breakfasted in bed - A- wrote note to her aunt with my kind regards to say I begged her to say my father had breathed his last at 4 ¾ apparently without pain then or  throughout his illness - A- also wrote a note to her schoolmaster saying she could not go to the school tomorrow and giving directions accordingly - Marian having determined to employ Duncan as undertaker sent George off to Halifax about after 11 to order the bell to toll immediately after service, to go to Mr. Jubb’s for Marian’s medicines and to tell Duncan to come here this evening - then on his return sent George off with A-‘s notes - in the mean while took A- out into the walk for about ½ hour and came in at 11 50 - the air revived me - A- low on coming in - entreated her to bear up if possible, for my sake - she took 2 of Dr. Belcombe’s pills last night, and I hope will be all the better for them - were I to give way, what would become of us! God be thanked for all his mercies! I feel in some sort of the feverishness of mental harass, but yet I feel as if I could think of everything - a  heavy responsibility presses on me for A- and for us all - but I hope that I shall be enabled to do that which is right - wrote all the above of today till 12 ¾ pm at which hour F51° and fine day - but windy - cold wind and coldish out of doors - at least A- complained of the cold - at 12 50 A- and I read prayers (lesson psalm and collect and epistle and gospel and 2 or 3 prayers) to my aunt in 20 minutes -A- read ½ the service for I could not read except with difficulty - I have had cold on my chest and a little cough for some time and expectorate more in a morning than I ought to do - my aunt wished me my health and many happy returns of my birthday - a melancholy birthday today! A- so low and in tears and her breath so bad for she would take no luncheon fancies she takes too much that sleeping with her is not very good for me really I know not who it will end at this rate I must give up she is getting worse and I cannot go on long without some amendment at my desk at 3 - wrote letters on broad black edged paper announcing the death of my father - 2 pp. of ½ sheet to Lady S- de R- 1 1/2p. (1/2 sheet) to Lady S- 1 ½ p. letter paper to Lady VC- 1p. letter paper to M- (Leamington) and 1p. (1/2 sheet) to IN- sealed sent my letters by tonight’s bag - to ‘the Lady Stuart de Rothesay’ and ‘the Honourable Lady Stuart’ undercover to ‘Lord Stuart de Rothesay 4 Carlton-house terrace, London’ - to ‘the Lady Vere Cameron Brafield-house, Olney, Bucks’     to ‘Mrs. Lawton, Claremont-house, Leamington Warwickshire’ and to ‘Miss Norcliffe, Petergate, York’ - about an hour with Marian (in her bed) till A- came for me to dinner at 6 ½ - had Mr. Duncan the undertaker immediately after the dinner things were taken away - gave the necessary directions for the funeral, tomorrow week - the people to assemble here at 7 ¾ and the procession to leave the house at 10 am - all to be in Miss Marian Lister’s name as sole executive of my father’s will - I had prevailed upon her to have no scarf sent except to the clergy (the vicar 2 curates Lecturer of the old church and Incumbent of St. James’s Marian renting a pew there) and the medical man the clerk of the church and the undertake - office was unintentionally given at my uncle’s death, and I wished that no such thing should occur again - Mr. Duncan said the vicar preferred meeting the corpse at the church, and the medical man were glad to avoid attending funerals when they could - I .:. inclined to the vicar meeting the corpse at the church and not inviting Mr. Jubb to attend but said I would let Mr. Duncan know tomorrow evening and send him a list of the tenants to be employed as bearers and mutes - and of those tenants and others to have gloves and biscuits - Mr. Duncan’s manner, intended no doubt to be respectful and proper - would have seemed to me pompous and forward, had I not, by the dignified gravity of my own manner, kept his in check - a little while with Marian - took her good observations and additions to the rough draft of the letter I had written for her before dinner to Mr. Robinson - coffee upstairs in the blue room - then A- and I with my aunt about ½ hour till 9 ½ - fine morning - snow showers in the afternoon F34° at 9 ¾ pm

[aleatoryalarmalligator]

Hello,

So, it's funny because i was depressed right? and then as we all know the world kinda got scary, and now it's like i almost have a reason to feel validated in my feelings of hopelessness, which doesn't make me feel great, but does seem to kind of level me in this strange way.

I spend too much fucking time on reddit. I live in Portland, and basically i worked for this really extremely poorly run restaurant/brewery pub called Laurelwood. It's a long story, but the place has the worst management. Some of the people weren't like, bad people, but the way it was managed was really bad in ways i would have to spend hours explaining. They recently did a deal with Ninkasi a little over a year ago and now you can find their beer everywhere, and i guess if you are into beer most people seem to like it, so it's not really a diss on their alcohol itself though i am more of a hard liquor/hard cider fan and beer isn't typically my thing unless it's some desserty imperial stout. They expected a lot from their employees - and because of their poor management they also kind of let a lot of us get away with stuff. So we kind of, as employees created a very strong personal work ethic and friendship amongst one another in turn, we within reason broke rules and had a system of doing it to where we remained competent and managed ourselves, as our management was failing and self centered. If it wasn't the really cool friends i made there - some of the closest friends i have ever had and a ton of first time unique experiences - i learned a ton about myself and grew a lot in that position, i probably would have hated it. the owner was the kind of boomer who wanted to pull in hype of like, young trendy Portland kids, but they really made it look like a bad wannabe applebees and never really valued the fact that we were basically keeping the place open for him, so the aesthetic was kinda lazy and the demeanor between us and our top heavy upper management was pretty separated.

Anyway, since of course i worked in this field when the whole pandemic thing happened, I was naturally laid off. They didn't pay us. They sent us a message saying they just didn't have the money, and it's clear that they hoped to just, kinda, take the money they had left and bounce. The message was vague and demeaning, and everyone in the last three weeks is essentially working for nothing. So, one of the brewers, a pretty nice dude named Brandon that i didn't know too well, went on reddit and was respectful and clear, about how this really messed him up. They not only cannot pay us for the last two pay periods, but they also had a lot of their previous checks bounce. This on top of the financial collapse. To me, it's bad, but i sort of expect a lot of bad stuff now. I mean, this kind of collapse was a long time coming. I imagine it's going to take literally years for Portland to bounce back. I hear horror stories from long time Portlanders about how pretty decent people just became homeless during the recession of 2008, and i have a feeling this is going to be even worse. I feel like thus far in my life, though i've had a lot of really bad luck with relationships and family stuff, and sometimes my health, I've never had to really worry about something like this so directly impacting me. When 2008 happened, i was 19, I had never worked and lived with my parents on bare minimum, but my life had always been that way so i never felt that bad about it, though on retrospect it was kind of neglect. I lived in a factory town that had particular staples and products that never were that hit by the market crash, so that particular town in Idaho never saw a real drop in unemployment. I read about the collapse a lot, watched the Big Short and stuff, so i have my fairly strong opinions about it, but it's never actually caused me to go without. My mother is a nurse at a nursing home, and my father worked at a bullet factory. And like i said, i was relatively unaffected.

The message from Brandon took off, on reddit, thousands of people are seeing it and are disgusted, and they are being turned in for not paying us, because that is theft, that is illegal. I am willing to sign whatever documents neccesary when it comes down to it, if i don't get paid eventually. I was already personally very bad off, and i have this bitter realization that after the damage of this pandemic takes it's toll, I'm gonna have to struggle hard. I am not even mad at this point in a personal way. I just think companies need to know you don't fucking treat people this way. That the principle of the matter is that we are not just cogs for businesses to step on. We need to make the wealthy, even the vaguely wealthy people know that they need to appreciate fully those who work for them and under them, and when something bad happens, and they better intend on taking care of those people, or whatever their business model is is going to fail. It goes without saying that this pandemic has exposed a lot of what was already there. I think some people are naive enough to believe this corruption or this problem was unexpected. Lawmakers, and people who are privileged should have worked to make sure that hospitals had enough for the worst case scenario, and that there needs to be a safety net for people. None of these issues are new. I mean, it's not, at all. This is the rich doing the same old shit they have always done, and i imagine, trying so hard not to be pessimistic, but imagining just the same that this is only going to get worse. There are so many homeless drug addicted and mentally ill people in Portland already it's crazy. There was already rent that was impossible for full time employees to pay. It's funny because all these 'luxury suites' are being built throughout town in Portland, and i wonder now who they think is going to move in. Most of them were empty anyway. It's a mystery to me, because in a way it is classic gentrification the way they tore down old buildings and built these giant fancy expensive apartment buildings everywhere, but kind of weird because they were mostly empty. I mean, how could that have been worth it to investors or business owners?

I guess there is a lot I don't know about the stockmarket, banks, finance, housing and such, but it stands to reason that if you spend hundreds of millions to build something and nobody can afford to live there or pay your inflated rent, why are you bothering? I was told that a lot of these places were because of the Portland's population grew so much and these buildings were just now being built from people who had hoped to ride the 'rich Californian movers' era. The rent has just become kind of unmanageable. It's normal to live in a house with four or five people, all working full time just to maintain a single bedroom in a house of half-strangers. Meanwhile, studios that don't even come with a separate bedroom are nearly 2000 dollars, and things that should be there to help the homeless like tiny houses are marketed to rich minimalists who are so bored and guilt ridden by their own privilege they have to pretend to be quaint little peasants in order to feel unique in their own position, that they literally make it expensive to live in something not unlike a camper. But Portland is now just kind of at a steady growth. They came to late, and now with what's happened, what comes next.

Anyway, i am not leaving this city. I hated Idaho. It was a sad place for me, and i see a lot of beauty in Portland. I feel like i have a personal relationship with a good portion of the city. I tried to walk ten miles a day the first year i lived here. I lost a lot of weight here, fell in love here, I had a lot of meaningful experiences, met new people, gained new perspective. I've been afraid for my life here, drank more here, lost and found myself i mean, it's been an adventure in and of itself that becomes clearer to me now the more i have been here. I really do love Portland. It's sad but a lot of places i really loved and appreciated here in Portland won't be here anymore when this is over. A lot of small businesses i really appreciated. The kind of stuff that makes Portland really interesting, or reaching for something new. I hope that culture will crop up again, but we shall see.

I have a dry cough, and i wonder if i am catching Covid 19. My throat tingles a little, and I've already had two fever/colds in the last month, so something tells me this is it. Like a pregnant woman waiting to give birth or something. I am self quarantining. I'm a little nervous because a friend of a friend has a cousin in the FBI who has heard word from his superiors that they are considering the possibility of a full on quarantine, closing even the grocery stores. I didn't want to give in to early hysteria, like the toilet paper thing baffled me. I remember people getting really scared about Pigflu and Birdflu in the past years, but it didn't seem to really spread too far, though i did catch the Pigflu. My foodstamps refill on the 7th, so i hope if this does happen, they don't close by then. I just need to get in and get some bare essentials, because it now is looking like it might be smart to stock up now.

It's funny too, because i am not a homebody. I naturally am inclined to be depressed if i stay in one place too long. I have a somewhat mild case of ADHD, and i love to move, and i enjoy working. If i won the lottery, i'd still work in some fashion for 20 hours a week because i realize i don't feel satisfied living for myself. I like having a civilian duty, even if it's just cleaning off tables. I like feeling useful and connected to people. But i have a leg injury that's not going to heal on it's own, so walking has hurt me for the last eight months, and now this, and i have a health condition that makes it pretty easy for me to gain weight. So i am trapped in the house, snacking and trying to find things that make me laugh or inspire me. I did get inspired to start making paper mache masks. I think i can make the most of my quarantine time. I just hope they don't close the grocery stores before i get my money.

I am worried about both my parents. I have a lot of family, so it's not that unlikely i could lose someone to this virus. I am not concerned with myself that much. I could die, but the chances are relatively low. I am reading a lot of informed reddit posts, about the aftermath of this whole thing, and i'm a little bit nervous.

[phimmemily]

Still I Rise

As the years roll right past me I realize more and more about myself that I never knew was within me. I reflect back on every little thing that has happen that has made me the person I am today, and damn am I proud of this journey. I’m throwing all me on the table for you guys today and why not start with my biggest achievement I’ve overcome throughout my years. Mental health has been such an open topic in this generation and I’ve come to terms with myself to be able to share me wholeheartedly with you so here I am.

I wasn’t always in the best mental state growing up like most of us it started early teens. I struggled with self confidence, my weight, a whole lot of anxiety that I didn’t even know existed back then. But the main thing I had trouble with the most was accepting love from myself and others.  Now when I tell you I had trouble loving myself it was far more complex than that; let me give you a little back story growing up I never knew my real father until about the age of ten. The whole time I believed my step father was my real dad, now don’t get me wrong my step father did his job and took me in as his own, and I’m incredibly grateful for him being in my life, but back then my little mind didn’t think like that. I resented him and a little bit of my mom for never telling me, but I knew they had their reasonings, but I guess you can say I had some daddy issues for the longest. Now learning to accept any form of love was beyond me yet I craved it so much now how does that make any sense? The very little love I did have for myself never could overcome what my head was doing to me. Never take mental illness as something you need to push aside, it’s real and will take it’s toll on you if you let it, and there’s been plenty of times it could’ve been the reason for my existence or not. From the age of 16-20 were some of the hardest years for me mentally I’d say. It was also the age I’d move out on my own, and gosh I believe it when they say stress does a lot to your mind and body. My anxiety and depression took a turn for the worse in 2015- 2016, and there were many times I didn’t know I’d make it. I let it get the best of me and almost single handedly let it be the end of me.  I gained a lot of stress weight due to excessive eating because that was my only escape and shoot yes food makes me happy! There would be nights I’d lay there not wanting to face the next day, nights I’d cry and scream until I put myself to sleep. I’d have three panic attacks a day for unknown reasons and let me tell you breaking down not knowing why made me feel absolutely crazy. I would always question myself , my worth, and my purpose of being here. Like some people I tried to find happiness in helping others which of course did some justice in the mean time, but it was never enough to fill whatever void I had going on. Even got into a couple “relationships” over the years thinking they’d bring me some joy and excitement, but only to be reminded that I wasn’t respected enough to receive the love I knew I deserved. It wasn’t until I really got entuned with myself near the end of 2017. I started to accept the life I was given, to understand that everything I was put through and struggled from molded me into the person I am today. I spent a lot of my time alone for my own benefit to come to terms of who I needed to be for myself. What I needed to love about me. I needed to find me. Yeah it took hell of a long time to get to where I am today physically and mentally, but I did it and it’s something I’ll hold close to me. I’m grateful to have gone through it all and still feel these feelings that I do, but to still hold true and strong to myself to not let it get the best of me. I’m learning to just live this beautiful life that has been handed to me and take what I’m given and make gold of every moment. I used to have to remind myself every day you’re not crazy, you’re human, and it’s okay. If you asked me back then what I love about myself I probably would’ve been clueless. What I know now about me, there will be no hesitation to give you a a whole list. Go ahead and have your bad days let it all out take a breather do what YOU need to do for YOU, and start back tomorrow. We are all capable of so much, more than you even know. You got this.

Emily

[writingcommons-blog1]

“September 12th, 2016″ by Cooper K.

September 12th, 2016, 6:20 AM. My alarm rings. It’s an early Tuesday morning; my brain is already accustomed to the early start time for the school year. I shower, eat breakfast, pack up, and head to school. Things are very normal. The football team is disappointing again, I still am getting friend zoned by the same girl, I’m still getting teased for it. “Dude just stop talking to her,” my friend suggests. “Then she’ll want your attention. It works every time for me!” Just another day in the life of the average high schooler.

11:15 AM. Lunchtime bell rings. After daydreaming through my first four classes, I lazily make my journey to the lunchroom. Every day the lunchroom filled with conversation, but that was quite different today. Why could that be? Well, four days until Friday, people are just dragging along with their week. Not one student shows a resounding attitude at this moment. Not one student with a grin, saying “Yay! I’m so happy to be back at school!” Well, I’m right on the same boat. We’re all waiting for that last bell at 2:15 to get the hell out of here. Wait, something seems off. This was an eerie sort of quiet.

11:35 AM. Girls at the lunch table next to us are tunneling their vision over something on one of their phones. What? Is there drama? Probably, right? They’re showing each other text messages, conversing in whispers. Oh, another couple that nobody in the school ships? Did your parents find out you had people over this weekend without them knowing? That’s the typical high school drama around this school.

11:40 AM.  Nope, this is serious. Every girl just stood up from the table, tears in their eyes, and left the commons area, each of them embracing one another in their arms. Something really awful just happened. As the curious kid I am, I check my phone to see if I’ve received anything that might clue me towards this emotional mystery. I feel worrisome, code red. This Tuesday morning is completely free falling.

11:42 AM. I glance at my phone to see a Snapchat notification from one of my senior friends. “Who’s the kid in your class that committed suicide?” she asks.

11:42.30 AM. I nearly panic. Who was it? Who was it? WHO WAS IT? Sadness, anger, confusion, my mind is going in all sorts of directions at this moment. I don’t know who it is yet. I ask my friends if they’ve been informed about anything leading us to who we lost. The fact that our biggest concern right now is about which of our classmates has died horrified us.

11:50 AM. The next bell rings. One of my good friends on the golf team Snapchats me. He’s sitting at home but looks healthy as can be. “Who was it?” I solemnly ask him. “Alex Sweem. He hung himself this morning.”

On the morning of September 12th, 2016, one of my fellow classmates committed suicide at the age of sixteen. The moment I found out about him and the days following his death is one of the moments in my life that will be implanted in my memory. I was not necessarily close with him, nor his family, but I have a great connection with some of his friends. To watch your own friends and classmates mourn together through something so unexpected, from such an innocent young kid, struck substantial emotional heartbreak right through me. His passing took a toll on every single person in the school. Students were showing up to class in tears, caressing each other with compassion knowing that the student body lost one of their own.

Some of his closer friends knew he was struggling with some depression, but nobody knew just how significant his issue was. I had known him since he played on my youth football team back in elementary school. My dad, who was the head coach at the time, loved him. In fact, everybody that knew him loved him. No matter if you were close with him or not, you knew how much of a kind soul he was. His friends were all grateful to be around someone who was so loving, and a great friend who would cheer you up when things were down in the dumps. What hurts the hardest is the fact that nobody, absolutely nobody, saw this act coming.

I lay in my bed on the late evening of September 12th, 2016, and all I could think about was what I had found out that day. I began texting each and every single one of my friends, from close friends to partial acquaintances, telling them how much they mean to me. In that moment, I felt that everybody in our school deserved to be told that they were loved by someone. Every single thing I said to these people I truly meant. Whether they were one of my close friends or just slight companions, they deserved to be told that they meant something to not only my life, but to everybody else they knew as well.

On the following day, almost everybody in my graduating class congregated into the counseling center. Together they mourned the death of one of their best friends through stories, and also the presence of those who are willing to help. High school counselors are a resource that each and every high schooler needs, because depression among high schoolers is increasing each and every day. Although they have such an incredible resource, not every student is willing to admit what they might be going through.

In my high school years, I was an eyewitness to how impactful depression is with high schoolers. We lost one of our own classmates to depression, and one of our neighboring schools lost multiple students to depression in one calendar year. Immediately, I knew that this was an issue not only in our area, but all over this country. High schoolers need to know the future that they have ahead of them, and how crucial they are to their surroundings. The advertising towards aiding teenagers who are suffering from mental illness needs to increase, and the trend is heading in the right direction. One of the top hit songs of last year is titled by the suicide hotline number, 1-800-273-8255. That song was performed at the Video Music Awards and calls toward the hotline sparked by an astounding fifty-percent. Those who use their platform in a positive manner truly impact the shape of our current teenage generation, and that is just one example of how some people can spread the positive message into their mind. Not only celebrities, but anybody can aid those who are battling with depression. Teenagers need to know that they matter just as much as some of the most important people in the world. As a society, if we can save the lives of the teenage generation, peace and positivity will spread throughout the country.

Works Cited

Holterman, Alexandra. “Logic's VMAs Performance, Kesha's Speech Boost Suicide Prevention Hotline Calls 50%.” Billboard, Billboard, 1 Sept. 2017

[brookekirkpatrickrdc-blog]

Brooke’s Welfare Food Challenge

Post Food Challenge Reflection

Now that I have finished my challenge, I have had time to reflect on my week and the entire process.

One thing I have noticed is how much food affects your energy level, as well as your mood. “Hangry” was definitely an effective adjective to use to describe me at many times this week. I was more irritable than usual and I found myself being very cranky. I only went to the gym once this week when I am used to going 4-5 because i simply had no energy. I napped A LOT more than often. 

Another thing that I learned is the amount of work, thought and organization that needs to be put into grocery shopping when you are on a very strict diet. I definitely chose bulk over taste. I ate practically the same thing all week. However, I did not run out of anything except apples and bananas. I had a lot of pasta left, a lot of oats and some pasta sauce and carrots as well. I definitely was bored by the end of the week. 

A realization that I came to this week was how much money I actually spend on food outside of just groceries. Between the odd meal out with friends, coffee before class, or snacks, I never realized it until i couldn’t do it this week. 

This week I tried to do my best not to complain and to not get other to feel bad for me. This is some peoples reality. I knew that in a week I would be done the challenge and back to a different budget of more than 20$. I feel that i am now better able to understand what some of these people are going through, and that I need to be more thankful for what I have and the life that I am able to live.

I feel very thankful to have gotten to participate in this challenge, it was very eye opening. 

Day 7- April 8, 2018

Last Day!! I cannot believe this week is already coming to a close. I am ready though, I don’t even look forward to eating anymore. 

Today i woke up around 10, did homework until noon, and then made myself some eggs. 

I worked on homework and went and got groceries in the afternoon and didn’t find myself very hungry throughout the afternoon. 

I had my last apple in the middle of the afternoon as a snack. 

For one last dinner I had pasta and a large serving of carrots. 

Shortly after this I drove back to red deer. This kept me busy, and away from food and temptations. 

I am now getting ready to crawl into bed, and just like that my week is over!! 

I have been reflecting throughout the week, but I plan to spend the night gathering my thoughts and create a large reflection tomorrow about my week and the experience. 

Day 6- April 7, 2018

Second last day! This week has actually been flying by faster than I thought it would. I have been so busy at school with final projects and finals sneaking up on me, that I have not even had a lot of time to dwell on the fact that I have been starving. 

This morning I got to sleep in a bit and then had lots of errands to do, so i didn’t end up eating brunch i guess we would call it until around noon. I had quick oats again, an apple and a banana. 

I then spent my entire day at the library. I brought a bag of carrots with me and I ensured I drank lots of water to keep me full. 

When i got home I made more pasta (as usual) and had a big dinner. This kept me full all evening.

 I am happy with how today went and that I was not home for a lot of the day, this really eliminated the cravings that i knew were waiting for me at home. 

Today I noticed more and more than i almost don’t feel hungry because I know what my meals are, and have been the same for the last 6 days, and I am bored.

I am looking forward to the end of the week, one more day! 

Day 5- April 6, 2018

Today was tough. I usually have a coffee to get me through my 3 hour class on Friday morning, however i could not afford that today. I think the challenge is finally starting to take its toll on me. I had no energy today and found myself cranky throughout the day. 

For breakfast before my class I had an apple and some quick oats i had prepared last night. 

I finished class and left red deer around 1pm to drive home for the weekend. By the time i got home i was very hungry however i knew it was almost dinner time, so I just had a container of carrots. 

Shortly after i made some of the other pasta I had bought, to switch it up a bit.

This was my dinner and the last thing that i ate for the day. 

I knew being at home would be hard. I had to bring all of my groceries for the week home with me, and I knew there would be a lot of temptations. Friday night was not too bad but I am more worried about Saturday when my whole family is home.

I am also really starting to my seasoning and spices on my food. 

I hope tomorrow goes better, and that I have more energy and am not as cranky. It really is amazing how much food affects your mood. 

Day 4- April 5, 2018

Today I did not have class until 5 pm so was able to sleep in, and actually ended up skipping breakfast. This honestly did not bug me because i was sick of eating the same thing anyways. I ate carrots and quick oats for lunch, and had a banana for snack in the afternoon. 

I had only spent 16$ on groceries this week, and i knew i still had a couple of dollars to spend if i needed anything else. I was very bored of having the same thing today, so i went out and ended up buying soup for $1.78. 

I had soup for dinner in my evening class. It was such a nice change to have something other than pasta for dinner. 

This is the remainder of my soup, i forgot to take a picture before. I was clearly so excited and couldn't wait to eat the soup, so i took a picture after. 

And... LUCKY ME. When i got to my class there was free popcorn for us. 

This was amazing. Because on a budget i was unable to buy any snacks and was very hungry.

Today I had an ongoing headache all day. I think the little amount of food is shocking my system and causing it. I am getting bored and starting to reflect upon how people who are actually in this situation deal with it and that i need to suck it up because i only have to do this for a week and this is their reality. 

Day 5 tomorrow! 

Day 3-April 4, 2018

Day 3 here we go. I woke up today not feeling well at all. I couldn't decide if it was the 5am wake up call or the start of the flu or a cold. I decided i would try to make some eggs before I headed to clinical to help power me through the day, as well as see if it made me feel any better. Well. it didn't. 

I just made scrambled eggs and had an apple on my way out the door. 

I went through my morning of clinical not feeling great however, i made it through.

I brought myself pasta for lunch. Due to me feeling a bit under the weather I only ate about half of it. 

I progressively felt worse throughout the day, so by the time I got home and was ready for dinner, I barely had an appetite. I just ended up eating the remaining pasta from lunch, with some carrots for dinner.

One thing that i did do today that I think may have helped with my hunger was drinking water. When i already wasn't feeling well i decided the solution was to chug water. Well it didn't help but i also was not hungry throughout the day. 

Today, on only day 3 i am already starting to get bored of the same 3 meals each day. I knew when I bought my groceries that this would be the case, however I did not think it would set in this early in the week. 

I would like to thank my slight illness for helping me get through today on not much food, and for essentially eliminating my appetite.

I am hoping I feel better for tomorrow and am actually able to eat all of my meals. 

Goodnight for now. 

Day 2- April 3, 2018

Today i woke up in a rush and had no time for breakfast before clinical. I had plans of making myself some eggs, however had to skip it.

Clinical was very very busy and I did not get a break until lunch. I had packed myself more overnight oats, carrots and a banana.

I am used to eating smaller, more grab and go meals during hectic clinical days, so this meal did not bug me.

I headed to the gym after my day and then arrived home around supper time. I felt very faint at the gym, definitely a byproduct of barely eating anything today. However, when I got home i made pasta with pasta sauce again.

I ate this meal rapidly as i was very hungry and not feeling well after my workout. I drank multiple large glasses of water and started on my homework.

I was very tired in the evening and ended up heading to bed early. I think the huge change in my diet had a large effect on my energy level.

Today I was able to conclude that food contributes to my energy and my mood throughout the day. I am not happy with how today went, however I am happy it is over and I am looking forward to another opportunity tomorrow.  

Day 1- April 2, 2018

Today is my first day of the welfare food challenge!

My first meal today was instant oats. I had 8am class and was very tired, so I didn’t eat breakfast until I was home around 10am. I had oats with an apple.

Due to the fact that I ate breakfast a little later, I had a later lunch around 2pm. I made myself some eggs and complimented them with a banana.

I was not very full after my lunch, however i had a class at 3, so i left for class with a large bottle of water to try and keep myself busy and full of water so that i forgot about how hungry i still was.

When i got home from class i was simply STARVING. I made myself some pasta and pasta sauce and drank a large glass of water with it.

After this meal I was actually full, and mentally prepared myself that this would be my last intake of food for the day.

Today was not too bad. I was very hungry during my late afternoon class, but i managed.

I am going to try to drink a lot of water to keep my stomach full, and hopefully less hungry. I would count today as a success.

I am more worried about tomorrow because i have clinical all day and am planning to go to the gym, which will probably make me more hungry.

One thing i really did miss today was a Starbucks. Monday’s and Friday’s i usually treat myself to one, however on an under 20$ budget, a 5$ Starbucks beverage is not in the cards.

Preparation- Sunday April 1, 2018

Hello everyone! My name is Brooke and I will be starting my Welfare Food Challenge tomorrow, Tuesday April 2, 2018. 

Today I went to the grocery store to gather my groceries for the next week. I had made a rough plan of what I had wanted to purchase and what i would need for some of my meals for the week. I ended up spending over an hour there, due to all of the calculations that I needed to do and all of the stress that I was encountering. 

I just finished stuffing my face with Easter dinner yesterday (Saturday), so I think this will be good for both me and my body. 

I had to be at the grocery store right when I woke up because with it being Easter Sunday, I knew it would be busy and picked over if I would have waited longer. 

I ended up spending $16.23, so I have a couple more dollars to spend it I realize I need something else throughout the week. 

I bought eggs, quick oats, 2 different types of pasta, pasta sauce, carrots, apples and bananas. 

After coming home from the grocery store it because apparent to me that I would have to eat the same thing for most meals for the week. This was my strategy so that i was able to afford at least some healthy food. I ensured that I had 3 major things, 1 for each meal (oats, eggs, pasta). 

I worked to buy most no name brands to save myself some money, and I would say that it was a success, because i finished with a few dollars to spare!

I am curious what this week will bring, but I look forward to the challenge :)