#now i shall wait. i hope i get accepted!! if not it’s cool there are more schools out there that i will try for!

[thatsreallygay]

ladies and gays,

I have officially applied to go back to a university. I’m so nervous but mostly excited!!

please let this be a sign that you should go after what you wanna do in life even if it seems “small”. let that small thing be a ripple effect and make moves. the time will pass anyway so why not make yourself happy while you’re here? 🩷

[dee-writes-angst]

FORGET ME NOTS (Chapter Two)

FEATURING Eris Vanserra x pregnant!reader

SUMMARY settling into The Autumn Court is scary and intimidating especially when a certain fire-blooded male takes a liking to you.

CONTENT WARNINGS vague descriptions of smut, mentions of abuse, Beron (yeah, yall, he's mentioned), Ianthe (cough, cough), vulnerable convos, flashbacks to calanmai, pregnancy, sad Eris :(

AUTHORS NOTE I know this is much shorter than the first chapter, but when I say I struggled to write this chapter, I mean I STRUGGLED. Anywho, I apologize if you guys feel like the pacing of this chapter is kind of fast, I was trying to get a lot of information in all at once so we could move on to the good stuff. Hope you enjoy ;)

SERIES MASTERLIST

As dawn broke over the Autumn Court, the first rays of sunlight crept through the tall, arched windows of my chamber, casting a warm glow that promised a new day. Despite the beauty it heralded, my heart was heavy with secrets I carried, especially now, facing the prospect of daily walks with Eris—a constant reminder of the brother he did not know he shared with me in such a profound way.

I found Eris waiting in the courtyard, his posture relaxed against the cool morning air that whispered through the turning leaves. His presence was both a comfort and a curse, wrapped in the guise of courtly duty.

“Good morning,” he greeted, his voice carrying that ever-present hint of mischief that seemed less charming today, more a wall I needed to scale or perhaps fortify.

I mustered a smile, tight-lipped and brief. “Eris.”

He seemed to notice my cool demeanor, his eyebrows lifting slightly in amusement—or was it challenge? “Shall we begin?”

The gardens of the Autumn Court were undoubtedly beautiful, but I walked beside Eris with a stiffness in my shoulders, an invisible armor against the potential wounds of getting too close. Every step was a reminder of the line I walked, balancing between necessity and fear.

“It’s beautiful here,” I commented, a safe observation as we passed a sprawling bed of flowers, their vibrant hues a stark contrast to the muted turmoil within me.

“It is,” he responded, his eyes briefly meeting mine before returning to the path ahead. “The court has its ways of ensnaring you with beauty, all the while hiding its thorns.”

I couldn’t help but snort softly at that. “Sounds familiar,” I muttered, more to myself than to him.

Eris caught the words, though, and his smile deepened. “Indeed. But sometimes, we find that even thorns have their purpose.”

We walked in silence for a few moments, the only sounds the rustle of leaves and the distant call of court birds. I felt his gaze on me several times, curious or calculating, I couldn’t tell.

“About last night—” I began, but Eris raised a hand, halting my words.

“Today, let’s set aside the past and dealings of courts for now. Let’s walk, talk, and be unburdened, at least for a moment.”

Reluctantly, I nodded, accepting the temporary ceasefire.

Our path took us deeper into the garden, where the foliage grew thicker and the outside noises fell away. Here, the air was cooler, the shadows deeper, and the sense of seclusion more pronounced. Eris seemed more at ease in this part of the garden, his steps unhurried, his eyes occasionally catching the light in a way that softened the usual sharpness.

"This is one of my favorite parts of the garden," he shared, his voice almost contemplative. "There's a peace here that's hard to find elsewhere in the court."

I looked around, taking in the dense greenery that enveloped us, the serene quiet. "It's like a different world," I admitted.

"Yes," he agreed, his gaze lingering on a particularly dense cluster of trees. "A world apart, where one can forget, if only for a moment, the burdens waiting beyond those trees."

As we walked, the conversation slowly shifted from the impersonal — comments on the weather and the garden — to more personal territory. Eris spoke of his childhood in the court, his voice tinged with a nostalgia that painted a picture of a boy who had run through these very paths, wild and unburdened.

I listened, the stories painting a picture of a different Eris, one who had existed before the weight of the court had fully settled upon his shoulders. It was in these stories that I found myself drawn in, my guard lowering just a notch as I began to see the man beneath the prince.

Our walk led us to a secluded spot with a bench overlooking a tranquil pond, a favorite retreat of Eris’s by his own admission. "I come here to think," he said as we sat. "Today, I wanted to share it."

Something in his tone, a rare note of sincerity, made me glance at him. "Thank you," I said quietly, the weight of my secrets making the words heavier than intended.

"Everyone needs a sanctuary," he replied, his voice low, almost reflective. "Perhaps, for now, this can be ours."

As we sat together, the morning light softening around us, a part of me wanted to believe in the sanctuary he offered. But the secrets I held tightened like a noose around my thoughts, a constant reminder of the stakes at play.

For now, this truce would have to do—a brief respite in a garden of hidden thorns.

In the quiet embrace of the garden, Eris and I sat together on a weathered stone bench, enveloped by a tranquil stillness that seemed to stretch on for eternity. The morning sun had just begun its ascent, casting dappled patterns of light and shadow upon the verdant landscape around us. The delicate fragrance of cherry blossoms lingered in the air, mingling with the earthy scent of damp soil and the distant melody of chirping birds.

For what felt like an eternity, we remained ensconced in a shared silence, each lost in our own thoughts amidst the serene beauty of our surroundings. The weight of unspoken words hung heavy between us, a silent barrier that seemed to grow with each passing moment.

As the sun climbed higher in the sky, casting long shadows across the garden, I could no longer bear the oppressive weight of my thoughts in silence. The chirping of birds and the rustling of leaves seemed to mock my inner turmoil, urging me to break free from the suffocating grip of my fears.

Finally, unable to endure the silence any longer, I mustered the courage to speak. "Eris?" The sound of my voice was barely more than a whisper, carried away on the gentle breeze that caressed the garden.

At the sound of his name, Eris stirred from his contemplative reverie, his eyes slowly opening to meet mine. There was a fleeting moment of recognition in his gaze, as if he had been expecting this interruption all along.

He regarded me with a cool detachment, a silent question lingering in the depths of his gaze. It was as though he were silently urging me to articulate the thoughts that had weighed so heavily upon my mind.

Summoning all of my courage, I pressed on, knowing that his patience was not limitless. "I need to speak with you," I said, my voice steadier now, though the weight of my confession hung heavy in the air.

For a moment, there was silence between us once more, the only sound the soft rustle of leaves in the breeze. Then, with a subtle nod of acknowledgment, Eris inclined his head, granting me permission to unburden myself of the secrets that had long weighed upon my soul.

(Calanmai, Fifteen Weeks Ago)

The night of Calanmai unfolded like a grand spectacle, a symphony of sights and sounds that swept through the Spring Court like wildfire. In the heart of the courtyard, beneath a sky ablaze with stars, I found myself ensnared in a whirlwind of tradition and temptation, drawn inexorably towards a destiny I could not yet fathom.

As the festivities reached their crescendo, a hush fell over the gathered throng, anticipation crackling in the air like static electricity. All eyes turned to the dais at the center of the courtyard, where Lucien Vanserra, with his mane of fiery hair and eyes that glinted like shards of emerald, stood poised to perform the Rite—the ancient ritual that ensured the flow of natural magic within the Spring Court.

I watched from the edge of the crowd, my heart pounding in rhythm with the pulsating beat of the drums that echoed through the night. Beside me, Ianthe, with her golden locks and beguiling smile, whispered honeyed words in Lucien's ear, her intentions veiled behind a facade of innocence and charm.

But I knew the truth—the truth that lurked beneath the surface, like a serpent coiled in the shadows, waiting to strike. And so, with a courage born of desperation and defiance, I stepped forward, offering myself as a sacrifice to protect Lucien from the machinations of those who sought to use him as a pawn in their deadly game.

Lucien's eyes widened in surprise and disbelief, his gaze searching mine for the truth hidden beneath the surface. And in that moment, I saw the flicker of gratitude and something deeper—a spark of hope amidst the darkness that threatened to engulf us both.

Together, we slipped away from the crowd, seeking refuge in the sanctuary of the forest that bordered the Spring Court. In the darkness, illuminated only by the soft glow of moonlight filtering through the canopy above, we found solace in each other's arms, our bodies moving in a dance of desperation and desire.

With hesitant hands, Lucien reached out to me, his touch tentative yet determined. There was a solemnity in his gaze, a silent acknowledgment of the sacrifice we were both willing to make in the name of saving the Spring Court from impending doom. Each movement was deliberate, as if he were navigating uncharted waters, unsure of what lay ahead.

As he undressed me, his fingers trailed feather-light over my skin, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. The air crackled with anticipation, heavy with the weight of unspoken words and unfulfilled desires. There was a raw intensity to our connection, a primal need that pulsed beneath the surface, driving us forward even as we teetered on the edge of uncertainty.

Our kisses were slow and languid, each one a silent plea for understanding, for absolution. And as our bodies moved together in a dance as old as time itself, I felt a sense of surrender wash over me, a letting go of the fears and doubts that had plagued me for so long.

With each touch, each caress, we explored the depths of each other's souls, seeking solace in the midst of chaos. And as he spilled his essence inside me, there was a sense of release, a letting go of the burdens that had weighed so heavily upon us.

In the aftermath, we lay entwined beneath the moonlit sky, our breaths mingling in the stillness of the night. There was a peace in that moment, a fleeting respite from the storm that raged around us. And as we lay there, lost in each other's arms, I couldn't help but wonder what the future held for us—for the Spring Court, for our people.

But such thoughts were for another time, another place. In that moment, there was only us, two souls bound together by circumstance and necessity, seeking solace in the midst of turmoil.

(Autumn Court, Present Day)

"What is it, little fox?" Eris's voice, gentle yet tinged with curiosity, pierced the tranquil stillness of the autumnal garden, drawing me from the depths of my reverie. The morning sun, a soft orb of golden light, filtered through the crimson leaves of the ancient oak tree under which we sat, casting a warm glow over the secluded corner of the courtyard.

Eris reclined on the stone bench with an air of effortless grace, his features masked in an enigmatic veil of indifference. His gaze, like liquid mercury, bore into mine with an intensity that sent shivers down my spine, as if he could discern the turmoil that churned within me with unsettling ease.

For a moment, I hesitated, the weight of my confession heavy upon my tongue, like stones in a riverbed. The memory of Lucien, his absence a haunting specter in my heart, mingled with the uncertainty of what lay ahead, casting shadows over the fragile sanctuary we had found amidst the autumnal splendor.

Yet, despite the tempest of emotions that threatened to engulf me, there was an undeniable pull, a magnetic force that drew me inexorably towards Eris, compelling me to lay bare the truth that simmered beneath the surface.

"I—" I began, my voice trembling like the leaves that danced in the breeze, the words caught in the tangled undergrowth of my uncertainty. With a trembling hand, I reached for my tiny bump, a silent testament to the life growing within me, the fragile thread that bound me to a future fraught with peril.

"Eris… I'm scared," I confessed, the admission hanging heavy in the crisp autumn air, a fragile offering of vulnerability laid bare before him. Tears welled in my eyes, their crystalline trails reflecting the kaleidoscope of emotions that churned within me, a tempest threatening to tear me asunder.

It was a truth I had not yet found the courage to share, the truth about my unborn child, about Lucien, about the tangled web of emotions that threatened to ensnare me in their grasp. And yet, as I spoke the words aloud, I felt a sense of liberation wash over me, as if the act of vocalizing my fears had lifted a burden I had long carried in silence.

“I know,” Eris continued after a moment, his voice tinged with a quiet sadness. “When my mother would give birth, my father would have meetings with his counsel and continue about court like nothing important was happening, too caught up in his ambition to even consider loving her. He would leave her to suffer alone, to be in pain, awful pain, alone, while she brought his children into this world,” he took a breath, watching the branches of the great tree sway before looking back to the fountain sitting before us, water streaming softly and glinting in the light of the sun.

“So, once I was old enough to see how wrong it was, I joined her in the birthing rooms. I didn’t care how many times a nurse advised me against it, how much I was beaten afterwords by my father. It wasn’t about any of that. It was about her, it was about not being alone in a time of need, to not be consumed by darkness without a twinkle of light. My mother deserved better. Still does,” Eris sighs, resting his warm hand atop mine on the bench, giving it a small squeeze. “I can not promise profection, I can not promise relief, and I can not promise life, but I can promise that you will not walk in the darkness alone, that I will be right there, by your side as you scream and claw and cry until your babe joins this world. Just as I did for my mother.”

As he spoke, his warm hand found mine on the bench, offering a reassuring squeeze that spoke volumes more than words ever could. "I can't promise perfection," he continued, his gaze steady and unwavering. "I can't promise relief, or even life itself. But I can promise that you won't walk through the darkness alone. I'll be there, by your side, every step of the way."

As the last words of our shared confessions lingered in the air, the atmosphere seemed to soften, infused with a sense of understanding and acceptance. The ancient oak tree above us rustled gently, its branches swaying in a silent dance with the breeze, as if nature itself bore witness to the fragile bond we had formed in this secluded corner of the autumnal garden.

In that moment of quiet introspection, my gaze fell upon a delicate forget-me-not that had nestled itself amidst the fallen leaves at the base of the oak tree. Its petals, a soft shade of blue tinged with hues of violet, seemed to shimmer in the dappled sunlight, a beacon of fragility and resilience amidst the earthy backdrop of the garden.

A sense of recognition washed over me as I regarded the flower, its presence a poignant reminder of the vulnerability we had both shared in this fleeting moment of connection. Like the delicate bloom that dared to flourish amidst the harsh realities of autumn, we too had found strength in our shared vulnerability, forging a bond that transcended the barriers of fear and uncertainty.

With a gentle smile, I reached out to pluck the forget-me-not from its resting place, cradling it in the palm of my hand as a symbol of the bond we had forged amidst the chaos of our intertwined destinies. And as I turned to meet Eris's gaze, I knew that in this fleeting moment of shared vulnerability, we had found not only solace but hope, blooming like the delicate forget-me-not that dared to thrive amidst the changing seasons of our lives.

TAGLIST

@purple-writer8 @defnotlucienvanserra @cherry-cin @julesofvolterra @mirandasidefics @mandziaaa @lilah-asteria @littlestw01f @skylarkalchemist @babypeapoddd @daardyrnitta

[wandanatsgf]

Pray and I Shall Answer Thee Part 2

Pairing: Aphrodite!Wanda x Follower!Reader

Word Count: 1182

Summary: You wait for months for Wanda to return, and yet she never shows. Now you're determined to get over her, but a certain goddess won't allow that.

Warning: This contains smut and oral (r receiving)

Author's note: On my old blog this was called Call and I Will Come or something like that, but I decided to rename it (hope you all don't mind),

Part 2

It has been a few months since your encounter with Wanda and she hasn't visited you since that night. Maybe it was just a one time thing to her, but to you it meant everything. Still, you were determined to get over her and you knew the perfect way to do so.

The walk to your local tavern was a long. You can already feel the cool autumn air seeping into your bones and you still have another 15 minutes to go. You pull your coat tighter around your body as you continue to walk.

The sound of a carriage makes you steer yourself off the road, letting the carriage hopefully pass you by without getting you wet. Unfortunately you weren't so lucky. You hear a loud splash and before you know it, you're soaking wet.

"Oh my gods I am so sorry darling," you hear an angelic voice say as the carriage comes to a stop.

A woman steps out of the carriage and she is one of the most beautiful women you have ever seen. Her red hair curls around her face. and her green eyes sparkle like emeralds in the moonlight. Her white dress wraps around her like wings. She looks angelic, almost godly.

"It's quite alright," you say quickly.

"No it's not. Let me take you back to my place and give you some warm, dry clothes," the woman says. Normally you wouldn't accept such an invitation from a stranger, but there is just something about her that makes you say yes.

"What's your name?" the woman asks you.

"Y/n," you say.

"Y/n," she repeats. "That's a beautiful name for a beautiful girl." You can feel yourself blush as you thank her.

"I'm Natasha."

"Well it's nice to meet you Natasha."

You climb into Natasha's carriage and the two of you converse about all sorts of topics until you make it to Natasha's home. As the carriage comes to a stop, you take in your surroundings. You're amazed at this woman's mansion that she calls a home. She was clearly much more wealthy than you.

Natasha helps you out of the carriage and inside her house. She leads you to her bedroom, which contains a closet full of the most gorgeous clothes you have ever seen.

"Here you go darling. Call for me if you need anything," Natasha says as she hands you the clothes.

"Thank you so much," you say with sincerity.

"It's really no problem," Natasha says, leaving you to change.

You strip out of your tunic and start to pull the new, soft, dry garment on when you hear a voice behind you.

"What do you think you're doing?"

You spin around and come face to face with the goddess who has been on your mind every single day since that night.

"Wanda," you breathe out.

"What are you doing?" she growls out. She looks like a predator stalking its prey.

"I'm changing," you say like it's obvious.

"No you're not," Wanda says. She pulls the garment off of you, leaving you naked. "You're not putting on her things."

"I'm sorry what?!?"

"You heard me. This would be the goddess you call Athena's clothing you are putting on and I won't allow that."

"You won't allow it?!? You're not the boss of me," you say snappily. You snatch the clothing out of Wanda's hand and put it on. You can tell you're angering Wanda, but you don't care. Not after she left you with no contact for months.

"We're leaving," Wanda says. She grabs you by the arm and pulls you towards the front door where Natasha stands.

"What do you think you're doing Wanda," Natasha yells out.

"I'm taking what's mine," she says like it's obvious. The two of them continue to argue over you as if you are some sort of property. You take this opportunity to slip out, unnoticed by the two bickering goddesses.

You had been walking for about five minutes when Wanda appears by your side.

"What do you want goddess," you ask, saying goddess snarkily.

"I have come to apologize."

"Ok. Get on with it."

"I'm sorry for not treating you properly. I haven't been with a human before and I don't quite know how to act. I know I haven't quite courted you properly and I'm sorry," she says.

"I forgive you," you mumble out. "But I want you to do better. I need to see you more. I need stability and I need to see you more, and not just when you're jealous or want something."

"I'll give you that and whatever else you wish darling. Say the word and it is yours." You smile at this.

"Right now all I want is you." This was true. You hadn't been able to get yourself off ever since that night and now that she is here you can't help yourself.

"That can be arranged," she says. You're enveloped in a cloud of red magic. When the cloud disappears you're back at your home.

"Come here," Wanda says. She grabs your hips and pulls you into her. You feel her capture your lips with her own. You moan into the kiss as her hands slip down your sides.

"Jump," you hear her say once your lips break apart. You jump up and wrap your legs around the taller woman's waist. She places her hands on your ass and walks the two of you over to your bed. She gently places you down and crawls on top of you.

"I have a lot to make up for don't I?"

"Yes you do my goddess," you say. Wanda smiles down at you. She takes your dress off, leaving you in a set of bra and panties. She lets out a low moan at the sight of you, and it makes your core tingle with excitement. Wanda places soft kisses against your collar bone while her right hand slips down to your bra covered tits. She gently gropes your left boob before taking your bra off. She throws your bra to the other side of the room and quickly attaches her lips to your nipple.

"Fuck," you moan out.

"Am I making you feel good baby?" Wanda asks.

"Yes goddess. You're making me feel so good," you say. You grab Wanda's hair and lightly pull. Wanda detaches herself from your nipple and moves straight to your core. She slips your panties off and immediately attaches her lips to your clit.

“Gods,” you moan out.

“It’s not gods honey. There’s only one god making you feel this good,” Wanda says as she sucks on your bundle of nerves. Wanda continues to suck and lick your core and you can feel yourself getting closer and closer to your release.

“Please goddess,” you beg.

“Cum for me baby. Cum for your goddess,” she says. That’s all it takes before your release spills out onto Wanda’s tongue as she licks it all up.

"Thank you Wanda," you say.

"Anything for you darling and I'm truly sorry for my behavior. I promise I'll be better." Wanda places a gentle kiss on your lips. which you reciprocate.

"It's alright, all is forgiven," you say.

[musicforastylesrestaurant]

A Broken Ankle, Karma Rules.

masterlist || ask me anything <3

blurb masterlist is here.

authors note - another random idea that popped into my head… enjoy!!

word count - 1.4k

in which, going on a run with your fiancé of two years means harmless flirting and teasing, that is until an incident occurs and he has to carry you back to the car.

As you sat in the passenger seat of your fiancé's sleek Tesla, the soft hum of the engine filled the air. The anticipation of going on a run together at the park was palpable, as you both waited for the perfect moment to step out of the car and immerse yourselves in the fresh air and lush greenery.

You glanced over at Harry, your heart swelling with love and excitement. His curly hair framed his face in a charming disarray, and his eyes sparkled with mischief. He wore a mischievous grin, as if he knew a secret that only the two of you shared.

"Ready for our run, m’love?" Harry asked, his voice filled with eagerness.

You nodded, smiling back at him. "Definitely! Although, I have to say, you're lucky I agreed to this. Dragging me out of bed at this hour is no easy feat."

Harry knew for a fact that you weren’t a morning person.

Harry chuckled, his eyes gleaming with amusement. "Oh, come on now. You know I couldn't resist spending this time with you. Besides, it's good for us to get our blood pumping early in the morning."

You playfully rolled your eyes. "Well, I hope you appreciate the effort I'm putting in here. I'm not exactly a morning person, you know."

He leaned in, his voice turning husky. "I'll make it worth your while, darling. I promise."

Feeling a surge of anticipation, you reached for your water bottles and grabbed the car keys. "Alright, let's do this! Time to step out and conquer that park."

You both hopped out of the car, the cool breeze enveloping you. Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out a single AirPod, holding it up to you.

"Shall we share the music?" he asked, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

You grinned and took the AirPod, placing it delicately in your ear, the familiar chords of ‘eye of the river’ rang through your ears, that was enough to get you motivated for the run.

As the music started to play, you noticed that Harry had already started moving, his athletic figure bounding ahead.

His back was bare seeing as the weather was insanely hot currently and he was wearing a pair of blue running shorts, and his pink Calvin kelvin’s were on display.

You could feel yourself getting slightly worked up, the cheeky git always did then when the two of you were in public.

"Hey, wait up!" you called after him, a mix of laughter and exhilaration in your voice.

He slowed down, turning back to you with a playful grin. "You better catch up, love. We've got a run to conquer together."

As you jogged side by side with your fiancé Harry, the rhythmic sound of your footsteps echoed through the crisp morning air. The park was alive with activity, but your focus remained on the playful banter and connection between you.

As you chatted about your plans for the day, Harry couldn't resist a mischievous grin. With a sudden motion, he playfully reached out and tickled your hips, causing you to let out a surprised giggle and slow down.

"Hey!" you exclaimed, swatting his hand away. "That's not fair! You're distracting me!"

Harry laughed, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "I couldn't resist. You were just too tempting. But now, I'm afraid you'll have to catch up to me.”

A competitive fire ignited within you, and you shot him a determined glance. "Challenge accepted, slowpoke. Get ready to eat my dust."

With a burst of energy, you picked up the pace and raced past Harry, your feet pounding against the pavement. The wind rushed through your hair as you surged forward, leaving him momentarily in your wake.

Glancing over your shoulder, you called out with a triumphant smile, "Come on, Harry! I thought you said you were a professional runner!"

Harry laughed, his voice filled with mock protest. "Oh, you're in for it now! Just you wait, I'll catch up!"

You continued to push yourself, feeling the thrill of the friendly competition fueling your every stride. The playful taunts and laughter added a layer of joy to the run, reminding you of the deep connection you shared.

Soon enough, Harry's footsteps grew louder behind you as he closed the gap. With a final burst of determination, he ran alongside you, matching your pace.

"There you are," Harry said, a playful grin on his face. "I told you I'd catch up."

You grinned back, the exhilaration of the run shining in your eyes. "Well, I had to give you a head start, didn't I? Just to make it a fair race."

Harry's laughter echoed through the park as you both continued to run side by side, the competitive spirit subsiding to be replaced by a shared sense of joy and camaraderie.

You know, Harry," you said with a playful smirk, "I think I might have to start calling you 'Slowpoke' as your official nickname."

Harry chuckled, his competitive spirit ignited. "Oh, really? We'll see about that. Prepare to eat my dust, love."

With a wink, you took off, your feet hitting the pavement with purpose. You could hear Harry's footsteps behind you, gradually fading as you increase your pace.

Feeling mischievous, you decided to test the limits. You picked up even more speed, savouring the thrill of the wind rushing past you. Unbeknownst to you, Harry slowed down, taking a short water break to quench his thirst.

As you continued to jog ahead, revelling in the playfulness of the moment, your foot caught on an uneven patch of ground, causing you to lose your balance. Pain shot through your ankle, and you let out a cry of distress.

Hearing your scream, Harry's heart skipped a beat. Without a second thought, he abandoned his water bottle and sprinted in the direction of your voice. Fear and concern propelled him forward, his mind focused on reaching you as quickly as possible.

When he finally caught sight of you, lying on the ground and cradling your injured ankle, his heart sank. Kneeling down beside you, he gently cupped your face with his hands.

"Love, are you okay? What happened?" Harry asked, his voice filled with worry.

You winced, tears welling up in your eyes. "I... I think I’ve broken… my ankle. It hurts so much, H..Harry."

Concern etched across his face, Harry carefully examined your ankle. "Let me help you up. We'll get you to the hospital, alright?"

As Harry saw the pain etched on your face, he made a firm decision. "Lovie, I'm going to carry you to the car. I don't want you putting any weight on that ankle."

You nodded, tears streaming down your cheeks. "O-okay, H…. Thank you."

Gently, Harry scooped you up in his arms, his strength enveloping you. Despite his efforts to be careful, each step caused a jolt of pain to shoot through your ankle. Whimpers escaped your lips, and you clung tightly to him, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

The sobs that wracked your body echoed in the air, and Harry's heart ached at the sound. He tightened his hold on you, his voice filled with soothing reassurance. "Shh, love. I'm here. I've got you. Just hold on, we're almost back at the car."

His comforting words offered a glimmer of solace amidst the pain. The warmth of his body pressed against yours, and his steady heartbeat served as a calming rhythm. He continued to carry you, navigating the path with careful steps, determined to get you to safety as quickly as possible.

With each passing moment, his tender support and unwavering presence began to ease the anguish. You clung to him, seeking solace in his embrace, knowing that you were not alone in this moment of vulnerability.

Finally, you reached the car, and Harry gently settled you in the passenger seat. He quickly moved around to the driver's side, his eyes filled with concern as he started the engine.

"You're doing so well, love," he murmured, his voice filled with tenderness. "We'll get you to the hospital, it’s bruising really quickly, m'love, and I'll take care of you."

As the car pulled away from the park, you let out another sob, the emotions overwhelming you. Harry reached over, taking your hand in his, his touch a comforting anchor in the midst of your pain.

He glanced at you, his eyes filled with compassion. "It's alright to cry, love. Let it out. I'm here for you."

That was the last time you were going to be narcissistic ever again if this is what it led to.

But you know what they say:

Broken Ankle, Karma Rules.

[devildom-moss]

OH SHIT I FORGOT THEY OPENED YESTERDAY!! If you are keeping them open another day, how about "Jealousy" (SFW) with Lucifer and m!MC? Possibly in the same sort of timeline as the marriage one just so he gets to call him his fiance.

Hope this is to your liking, anon!

1 year anniversary flash request event - SFW

(Lucifer x m!MC)

Prompt 2 - Jealousy

First, you went shopping with Solomon of all silver-haired, shady bastards. Then, you spent your lunch playing games with his brothers. Then, Diavolo had the nerve to pat you on the head for getting your report in ahead of schedule – which was not only uncalled for, but completely self-indulgent and rude when Diavolo knew better than to touch what didn’t belong to him. Now, some lesser demon was approaching you on your walk home – the only time Lucifer had gotten you alone all day – to give you a present, claiming to be a part of the “Demons for Humans: MC Fanclub.” Now, Lucifer wasn’t convinced that such a club didn’t exist, nor was he a stranger to fanclubs or random admirers coming up to him with offerings, but this was you who was getting extra attention, and Lucifer had used up all the tolerance he had to spare.

“You’re just so cool, and I’ve really come to appreciate humans since you came to the Devildom. I wanted to thank you for all of that, so please accept this!” The lesser demon thrusted the present out towards you, bowing his head in embarrassment and respect.

You took the gift from him with a smile. “Thank you. That’s so sweet.”

By then, a dark aura had engulfed Lucifer and all the light had drained from his eyes. When the lesser demon looked up, he noticed and yelped. He was ready to run in the opposite direction when Lucifer placed a firm hand on the lesser demon’s shoulder, careful not to crack the weakling’s bones in your presence. Lucifer cleared his throat before he spoke in a calm tone, laced with homicidal intent, “Yes. Thank you so much for supporting MC. He’s certainly deserving of all that praise. However, I would request that you not make it a habit to give gifts to my fiancé.”

“I-I had no idea you were engaged. Congratulations, sir – Lord Lucifer. I wish you a happy marriage,” the demon replied skittishly.

Appeased by his fear, Lucifer smiled and let go of the lesser demon. “Thank you.”

The demon ran away, quickly disappearing down the nearest busy street. You turned to glare at Lucifer.

“Seriously? He was just being nice.” Your glare didn’t lighten up.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Lucifer huffed.

“What’s up with you?”

“I’ll tell you when we get home, just,” Lucifer grabbed your hand and started down the street towards the House of Lamentation, “don’t look so mad.”

You sighed and waited patiently until Lucifer had dragged you all the way back to his room and finally released your hand. Before you could open your mouth, Lucifer spoke up, “Can you sit down on the bed for a minute?”

Annoyed, you sat down at the edge of the bed. “Okay, now are you going to tell me what your problem is?”

Lucifer wormed his way onto your lap, surprising you as he adjusted himself until he was practically curled up against your chest. You were too stunned by the sudden soft gesture that your annoyance began to melt. Despite being such a large demon, Lucifer tucked his head under your chin. With that, any anger you held onto disappeared, and you held him tight, stroking his soft hair with one hand.

“You’re my fiancé,” Lucifer mumbled just above a whisper.

“I am. And you’re mine. You don’t see me terrifying your fans.”

“I don’t have to explain why that happened.” You could tell from his tone that he was pouting.

“I know, but I’d like you to. For your soon-to-be husband?” You cooed and kissed the top of his head.

“I got jealous. I get mad that I have to share you, and the first time I get you alone all day, that random demon. . .” Lucifer huffed. “I’m sorry.”

“You know, if you need attention, you can just ask. Even if it’s embarrassing, ask and you shall receive, my sweet, angry, jealous baby boy.”

“Then can you keep holding me for a while?” Lucifer wrapped his arms around you and clung to your body.

“Oh? Did you think you had the option to leave? Not happening. I have you in my arms, and I’m not letting you go.”

A/N: requests are still open for the rest of today if anyone else wants to enter. (rules here) I probably won't get to all of the SFW requests, but I may be able to finish them up tomorrow or the day after.

[qutiesquish]

Coming Out as Transgender to “Wednesday” characters

Characters: Wednesday Addams, Enid Sinclair, Eugene Otinger, Xavier Thorpe, Ajax Petropolus, Tyler Galphin, Bianca Barclay

Pronouns: None(this works for trans fem and trans masc and any other trans but I did target it in the masc/fem direction)

Warning(s): Includes trans Gomez & Morticia, deadnaming(accidental), Y/n x Enid x Ajax in one of them, all Y/n’s have pretty different personalities

Wednesday Addams:

Y/n, chilling in Wednesday & Enid’s dorm: “Wednesday, I need to tell you something.”

Wednesday, typing on her typewriter: “Is it important? I’m in the middle of writing my novel.”

Y/n: “Very important.”

Wednesday, turns around to face y/n: “carry on then.”

Y/n, taking a deep breath:

Y/n: “I’m trans.”

Wednesday:

Y/n:

Y/n: “Are you gonna say something or—“

Wednesday: “My parents are trans as well. Is that all?”

Y/n, stunned: “uh- oh uh- uhm yeah- that was it.”

Wednesday, turning back around: “Very well then.”

Wednesday, typing: “What will you go by now? Also what pronouns shall I use when addressing you?”

Y/n: “oh uh- Y/n and [he/him]/[she/her](or any other variation)”

Wednesday: “Alright then.”

After that she would stop someone mid conversation to correct them on your name and pronouns if they messed up and misgendered anybody who purposely deadnamed or misgendered you(the consequence if they continue after that tho is unknown). Don’t try and thank her though because she will say she’s just having common decency.

Enid Sinclair:

Enid: “So there was something you wanted to tell me?”

Y/n: “Oh uh- yeah…”

Enid, resting a reassuring hand on Y/n’s shoulder: “You can tell me anything [deadname]!”

Y/n: “well uhm.. I actually wanna go by Y/n and use [he/him]/[She/her] pronouns..”

Enid: “Oh! That’s so cool!”

Enid, pausing: “Wait- I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to call you by your-“

Y/n: “It’s fine, I just came out to after all. You couldn’t have known otherwise.”

Enid, whining: “true… but I still feel bad about it!”

Y/n, softly smiling: “You didn’t know, don’t worry about things you make mistakes of when you had no knowledge on them.”

Enid, smiling: “I’ll try! Thanks for trusting me enough to come to me with such information Y/n, I’ll make sure I will work on the pronoun and name thing!”

Y/n: “Knowing you, you’ll probably get it down in a week.”

Enid: “Really?!”

Y/n: “Really. Now let’s go, I did offer to go shopping with you the other day.”

Enid: “Yay! Ooo could we get matching keychains?”

Y/n: “Sure.”

She proceeded to correct everyone on your name and pronouns after that. She also did get your name and pronouns within the week.

Eugene Otinger:

Eugene: “You wanted to tell me something?”

Y/n, taking deep breaths:

Y/n: “Eugene. You got to promise me you won’t tell anyone what I’m about to tell you, at least not until I’m ready.”

Eugene: “Okay?…”

Y/n: “Eugene I’m trans.”

Eugene: “Really? That’s cool!”

Y/n: “You’re… you’re fine with it?”

Eugene: “I have two moms… there’s nothing wrong with being apart of the LGBTQ.”

Y/n: “Well I know that Eu.”

Eugene: “So do you have a new name now orrrr?”

Y/n: “Oh! I wanna go by Y/n.”

Eugene: “Y/n, huh?… That’s so cool! I like it! It really fits you.”

Y/n: “Really?”

Eugene: “Totally!”

Y/n, smiling: “Thanks Eu. I appreciate the support.”

Eugene: “Of course! You’re a hummer after all! And Hummers….”

Y/n, rolling their eyes with a smile: “Stick togetherrr… now come on, I want the bees to meet the new me.”

Eugene: “They’ll still love you! I just know it!”

He introduced you to the bees all over again as Y/n and your new pronouns, and after he did that he told you that the bees said they still love you and are very proud.

Xavier Thorpe:

Y/n: “Xavier i have something to tell you.”

Xavier, drawing: “Hm?”

Y/n: “I’m trans.”

Xavier, still drawing: “I know.”

Y/n: “I hope that you accept me—“

Y/n, processing:

Y/n: “Wait what?”

Xavier, looking up to Y/n: “I had a dream where you presented as the opposite sex and went by a different name,”

Xavier, passing his note book to Y/n: “I even drew you from my dream.”

Y/n: “That’s scary… I was planning to do exactly that to my hair…”

Xavier: “Haha… yeah… my dreams are kind of weird but back to the topic, what are you going by now then?”

Y/n: “I was thinking Y/n.”

Xavier, smiling:

Y/n: “That’s what I went by in your dream huh?”

Xavier: “Possibly.”

Y/n: “Oh my god. Let me guess, there’s more of those drawings, huh?”

Xavier: “Well I couldn’t get the dream out of my head so yeah, plus you’re a pretty good muse.”

Y/n: “You’ve got to show me.”

Xavier:

Xavier: “Do I have to?”

Y/n, smirking: “I’m your muse, right?

Xavier: “… fine, after school.”

Y/n: “Bet.”

He had no issues with your name or pronouns, and he had around five or so drawings of you which were super cool. He also offered to help you go buy new clothes for outside of school, only if you agreed to then model for him from time to time so he could draw them.

Ajax Petropolus:

Ajax: “Ayeeee wassup? What’d you wanna talk about?”

Y/n: “Ajax, I’m going to need you take this conversation very seriously, okay?”

Ajax: “Is something wrong?”

Y/n: “What? No, I just- Okay I’m just going to outright say it.

Y/n, takes a deep breath: “Ajax, I’m trans.”

Ajax, shocked: “YOURE LEAVING?!”

Y/n: “Yes I am.”

Y/n, processing:

Y/n: “The fuck? No- where the fuck did you get that from?”

Ajax: “But you just said you’re transferring?”

Y/n: “Ajax, no. I’m trans.”

Ajax, distressed: “Yeah, you’re trans. That means you’re leaving Nevermore!”

Y/n: “No, Ajax. I’m trans GENDER.”

Ajax: “Oh…. OH! My bad.”

Y/n, shaking their head: “Oh my god Ajax you’re gonna be the death of me.”

Ajax: “You’re welcome- wait does that mean you go by something different now orrr?…”

Y/n: “Y/n.”

Ajax: “Okay okay, bet, I can do that.”

He’s genuinely really happy he’s the one you came out to first but also feels bad he didn’t understand what you were saying at first.

Tyler Galphin:

Tyler: “Oh hey, [deadname]! Something on your mind? You don’t normally visit after hours.”

Y/n: “Tyler i need to tell you something.”

Tyler, sitting next to Y/n: “Oh? What’s up?”

Y/n: “Tyler I’m just going to kind of drop this on you so prepare yourself, okay?”

Tyler: “Uhh okay?”

Y/n: “Tyler… I’m trans, and I wanna go by Y/n now.”

Tyler:

Tyler: “Y/n, huh? I like it.”

Y/n: “You do?”

Tyler: “Yeah, it fits a pretty [boy]/[girl] like you.”

Y/n: “Glad you think so.”

You’re now only referred as Y/n or pretty [boy]/[girl] unless you ask him to call you otherwise. He also offered to see if his dad could help you change your name legally if that’s what you want.

Bianca Barclay:

Y/n: “Bianca I need your help.”

Bianca: “Hm? What’s up?”

Y/n: “First off, sorry for barging into your dorm, I really need to get this off my chest.”

Bianca: “It’s fine, just tell me what you need to.”

Y/n: “Okay- so like- I uh-“

Bianca: “Take your time, I’m listening.”

Y/n: “okay. Okay…”

Y/n, taking deep breaths: “Okay… Bianca, I’m trans.”

Bianca: “Oh?”

Y/n: “yeah and like- I need help looking more [masc]/[fem]/[Androgenous] because I may or may not have a date tomorrow with Ajax and Enid so like—“

Bianca, sighs: “Fine, fine, I’ll help you. But first you have to tell me if you have a new name or not.”

Y/n, grinning: “Oh! It’s Y/n!”

Bianca: “Alright Y/n, meet me at the gates around 4:15(pm), I have a few things I need to finish.”

Y/n: “Eeee! Thank you! I appreciate this so so much!”

Bianca: “Yeah, yeah.”

Not only did she pick you out the best outfit for your date the next day but she helped pick out stuff for everyday wear. Bianca also said if you ever wanted/needed help when it came to stuff like binding/tucking(if you decided to start) she’d be there to help you as she has met quite a few trans people due to “connections”, whatever that meant.

[iamafictionfreak]

Having major mixed feelings about RDJ playing Dr Doom, peeps.

On the one hand, I'm like... the Iron Man, is now playing a villain?

Let's not forget that the actor isn't the character, as some people tend to do so. He's playing a different character. But it still feels... sad? Is that the word?

RDJ's Iron Man became a kind of symbol in the real world too, not just in fantasy. Time has been tough on many of us so maybe we dig a little too deeply into our little fantasy getaways, but to have RDJ now embody the villain? Yeah, that's a little... ouch.

And a little awesome.

Confusing too.

Infuriating.

Trouble is, RDJ has a presence and he brought humanity to his Tony Stark role. If they don't get someone to match that level of charisma on the opposing team, if they don't find an actor or actress able to make us empathise with them even when they're being a massive clusterfuck of a hero, or if they make them the embodiment of perfection instead of relatable, then... well, it's a problem. No one's going to root for the new band of heroes if the villain's more sympathetic.

TS will always be RDJ and vice versa. He brings with him Pepper, Happy, Rhodey, Peter etc. Associating the actor with both the biggest hero AND the villain? My brain doesn't know what to do!

Here's hoping whatever he does with the character, or whatever the executives decide, it doesn't disrespect his role as IM.

On the other hand, I can't imagine how pissed Dr Doom fans are knowing that once again, there fav is being represented by the wrong ethnicity.

I had a similar negative reaction to Scarlet Johannsen being cast as BW. I ended up liking her her but it still itches. She didn't even manage the accent!

My expectations need to learn to cool it but it doesn't change how I feel.

Now, RDJ is a great actor. I have no doubt he can pull it off, but MCU near destroyed my love for marvel after endgame and that alongside the shit coming out in the comics in the last few years? The way MCU stopped being a place filled with hope? They'd have to do something truly special to bring me back into it.

Hysterically Deadpool and Wolverine have my blessing because in 3 seconds they brought back some feels. Irondad feels, days of cheesy older marvel movie feels etc.

I like dark stories. I don't need the sunshine and rainbows others do, but we dealt with TS's death, then Steve fucking off in a heel turn decision and creating a plot hole the size California, Peter's worst nightmare coming true and having to live with it forever, don't get get me started on rhodey and Wanda etc...

We're never getting closure or healing for TS's death 😂. We're just not guys. It's not something we can easily accept, if at all. So this whole thing feels great and terrible and awful and nostalgic and brutal and intriguing and and and and...

So, yeah. I get the discord.

But RDJ's great.

But I love Iron Man and his legacy even as I hate that they killed him off.

But Dr Doom's something I've been waiting to see!

BUT LOOK AT WHAT THEY GAVE US IN ENDGAME. WE'LL GET SCREWED OVER AGAIN.

BUT!

WHAT

IF

GUH

Yeah, there's a lot. We shall see.

After all, we're all used to a lack of satisfying closure.

[rekino2114]

Going to a graveyard with Maria gorey

Halloween post #3

Pairing:Maria gorey x gn reader

Summary:Because of special circumstances, your girlfriend finds herself having to work on Halloween too this time in a graveyard so she decided to bring you along with her to make a cute (in her eyes) date

A/n:I was actually torn between making a post about gorey or tusspells for tgaa since they both have a spooky vibe to them and I love them both, i decide to go with gorey for no specific reason, also I checked and they did actually celebrate Halloween in Victorian London so that's cool

The fact that your girlfriend was a coroner never bothered you. Sure,she made a lot of creepy comments and even offered to bring you the heart of one of the corpses she dissected once to show you how much she loved you, but you could see that was just her way to show she cared and actually grew to like it.

She normally came back from her job relatively early as she only actually worked when someone was murdered and while that did happen pretty often, she still managed to finish up fast and come home to you on time to go on a date or just relax.

She did actually offer to bring you to her work and let you watch her dissect sometime, but you declined because you were scared she was gonna get in trouble for bringing someone not authorized, she was kinda sad about that but still accepted and held out hope that one day it would happen, and it did.....just not in the way either of you expected.

".....Maria, why are we here again?"

You told her while following her in the graveyard with a lantern in your hand

"I need to work. Apparently, the victim's family didn't want their body to be pulled out of the coffin, but it's still a murder so I need to perform an autopsy and so they told me to just do it here"

".....wait....that's allowed?"

"If you have enough power, anything is allowed really.....it's a shame if you ask me though, I won't get to see all the beautiful organs that well....make sure you bring the lantern close to it alright darling?"

"Y-yeah definitely....why did you bring me anyway?"

"Well, I always wanted you to see me work, and this is not an official coroner's office, so theoretically, I should have no problem this time"

"I....guess that makes sense"

"Also, isn't a graveyard such a romantic place? Especially around this time of year"

"Oh yeah, it is near Halloween, isn't it? I guess it kind of is romantic"

"I knew you were gonna agree.....anyway here we are, this is the grave, I'll dig the body up. You make me light and make sure no one is watching. We don't want people to think we're graverobbers"

"Yeah, but don't worry if anyone comes. I think you could scare them off"

"Eheh, yeah, probably."

While she was digging with the shovel/spade (which side are you on?), you decided to joke a bit

"I just hope the body doesn't come back to life"

"Eh, well my hair is already white anyway"

"True"

She finished digging and opened the casket, revealing the body. She put on her mask and told you to do the same with the one she gifted you for your anniversary

"The mask should keep the smell away, but I brought some rose perfume if it still bothers you"

"No I'm fine, but feel free to use it if you want"

"Don't worry I'm used to the smell of dead bodies"

She started performing the autopsy, and you helped her. She often asked you to give her tools like scalpels and cleavers or to shine the lantern in a specific direction, but after a while, she finished and put the body back in its grave and pulled her mask off as you did the same

"I'm done. Apparently, the bullet didn't fully pass through....I think lord van zieks will be happy to hear that"

"OK, if you're done, then shall we get going?"

"No, give me my scalpel again, I want to do something"

"Oh ok"

You gave her what she asked for, and she started carving something on a nearby tree with it. A heart with M + (your initial) inside of it

"Awww, that's so adorable, maria, thanks so much"

"I know, now our love will be forever engraved in this graveyard"

"I love you so much"

"Me too"

You two kissed and then started walking hand in hand back home through the London fog

[zeroducks-2]

So, you've inspired me to add some scenes that lean into the Eobard/Barry element that I accidentally wrote into my big long fic Chained, and I figured you might enjoy thinking about it (without having to wade through the whole dang fic lol I have no idea if you've read it/if it's of any interest to you, but I'm assuming you haven't/it's not)

The story revolves around a contract that grants genuine omnipotence. The catch is that it requires two people to sign it - the person who actually gains the power must be permanently bound into the service of their cosigner and the power is only gained through carrying out their commands.

Flash and Reverse Flash were highlighted as prominent figures battling it out over this thing, both being potential signers. Hundreds of iterations of them overlapping in time were ever present across the whole of the battlefield in arcs of light as they fought each other on a scale that no one else could hope to match. I was really only pulling names out of a hat back then (it was supposed to be a silly crack fic one-shot) but now that I've read a lot of your stuff about them, tricking/forcing Barry to sign the contract with him really strikes me as an Eobard thing to do!

Neither Barry nor Eobard signed it in the continuity the fic is going with, obvs, but there could be an off shoot branch where they did! And idk it feels like this premise might could really work to bring out their particular hangups with themselves and each other!

I'm super curious as to whether you think Eobard would try to be the one commanding an omnipotent Barry or if he'd want to chain Barry to him by becoming the power he needed to wield in order to save everything (- and maybe what circumstances might make Barry say yes to either one?)

-redhoodinternaldialectical from the "main" blog

Also pls have the words of the binding ritual for imagining Barry and Eobard saying them to each other purposes:

“I dedicate myself to submission. I shall bend my will to that of another. I relinquish my control so that I may be a vessel for the glorious ambitions of my Master. I shall be made unstoppable through obedience to my Master’s unslakeble will. I am the ultimate weapon. I am the ultimate tool. I am the hound which shapes the world to its Master’s whims. I mark myself with a collar made from liquid soul.” ... “Now I sit in waiting for the one who will be my Master.” “I seek to provide the glorious ambitions which will fill you and empower you. I seek to ascend beyond the fate decreed to be mine by forces more powerful than even the highest gods. Am I worthy of you, O’ ultimate weapon? Am I worthy of you, O’ ultimate tool? Will you accept me for now and all eternities beyond eternity, as your only Master?”

Hello hello, I had no idea you were redhoodinternaldialectical from the main blog and just followed you here because your blog is cool as fuck LMAO

I have not in fact read Chained, but from what I'm seeing here it seems interesting. I do ship Jaytim even if casually, I'll gladly go give it a look :)

I can see Eobard trying to manipulate Barry into signing the thing and belong to him forever. Eobard wants Barry to want it. He is canonically faster, stronger, with more powers up his sleeve than any other speedster - he could force Barry to do whatever if he tried hard enough, but he doesn't because ultimately he wants Barry to understand and be willing. That being said he's not immune to using very low tricks to get Barry to say yes to things, and if he managed he'd surely be overjoyed and would also go on a power trip about it because finally Flash belongs to him indissolubly, there's nothing which can come between them for the rest of eternity, he's his and only his forever - but.

But if Barry asked Eobard to sign, and to belong to him? "Be omnipotent and be mine, forever" ? Eobard would drop to his knees, cry and say yes. He might regret it afterwards, he might have a hard time coping with the loss of freedom because freedom is so very important to him. But if Barry asked it would feel like trust, like love, like he's wanted. It would feel like Barry - which could have chosen to spend eternity with anyone else - chose him.

I also think that in the face of an incredibly powerful enemy which will destroy/subjugate the multiverse, and with no other option, Barry would give himself to Eobard. He would need a clause to the contract which specifies that he won't be forced to hurt any of the people he loves or something along those lines, and then he would "sacrifice himself" with his head held high. He did it already after all! He killed himself to prevent the Anti-Monitor from using him to power his weapons, and effectively saved everyone, and stayed dead for a whopping 23 years (until Eobard brought him back that is). And that one time Eobard said "run away with me" and Barry said "yes if you leave my family alone"? That's also pretty indicative of how self-sacrificing Barry is. Or maybe indicative of how he wouldn't be so opposed to running away with Eobard after all, but don't tell them I said that.

Honestly all the options would be super interesting. I think ultimately they would fall into the right rhythm regardless of which one is the "bound" one, even if it would surely take some trial and error. It's really fascinating to think about, thank you SO MUCH for sharing this with me! I will rotate it in my head for a while and let you know if anything else comes to mind!

[umemiyan]

Hiii robin! If you're cool with it, I wanted to ask, is there a certain moment with your selfships when you realize you ship with them, or is it a slow process that just kinda happens?

hi romy!!!! ❤️

tbh it kinda depends and i'm not always totally sure LMAO i'm a little all over the place with it. like a lot of the time i have a hard time deciding and i'm trying to create a classification system in my head akfjofijwe tho it probably shouldn't be that deep my brain just loves to cling to systematization and gets frustrated when it can't properly execute it lmfao. but anyways i shall try my best collect my thoughts and describe how i perceive my tendencies!!

i'll put it below the cut bc i always ramble lolol

there are definitely some ships where it was more of a slow progression and i had to eventually be like "yeah okay this is what it is" because it was getting to the point where they weren't going to leave. i could easily envision more in-depth scenarios between them and myself and/or lore that just seemed to naturally spring up and i just kept thinking about them all the time.

i'd say megumi is a good example of the slow-burn. he honestly wasn't the kind of character that heavily struck me when i first watched the anime and started reading the manga; in fact, i recall being like "oh great, another little hateful emo boy" LOL (historically they're not usually the type i'm drawn to). but i got to know his character better over time and realized that like. damn. i have rather intense feelings about this guy adjewoijfwof

toji and jean were a bit more on the "slower" side of development as well i suppose. and not "slow" in the sense it took several months or years or anything (i've only been self-shipping for about a year) but it was something i had to ease into a bit more i guess.

i actually hated toji at first but then the daddy issues kicked into overdrive and i eventually started catching feelings LMFAO and jean was my first self-ship ever. he's the first one where i felt comfortable enough to imagine myself with someone like that <3 i hadn't really truly done anything like that in years, but i loved his character so much that i was starting to actually insert myself in reader stuff rather than completely detaching like i used to. i could see myself with him.

suga, on the other hand, was the kind that hit me like a freight train. maybe it's because i'm more comfortable with self-shipping now, but it was easier for me to realize it and take it to self-ship level pretty quickly. not only was i obsessed with him from pretty much the first fucking moment, but the subsequent relationship daydreams have been insane LOL i mean i gave it a little bit of time because i hate the idea of being overly impulsive and irrational due to infatuation but uh. i fucking love him lmao

katsuki is..... *sigh* idk. he also kind of hit me like a freight train, at least with the daydream scenarios and whatnot, and i was hoping and praying it was just a phase (still kind of am) but i guess i've sort of accepted that it's not. or it's at least a longer-lasting phase than most lol idk. but i can't stop thinking about him and i'd rather just go ahead and call it a self-ship instead of continuing to try and wait it out or deny it. the brainrot is bad

ANYWAYS sorry for being unable to shut the fuck up as per usual lmfao but yeah!!! i tried to give some examples of how this shit works in my mind. right now i guess i'm sort of organizing things by how regularly/consistently i think about a character over time and with what degree of ease i imagine myself with them in several scenarios, but this is by no means the sort of parameters i think everyone should use when it comes to this. people should do whatever the fuck they want i just take shit too seriously sometimes and wish i could be more chill actually instead of trying to create a classification system for everything in my brain 😃 but here we are

[supernova3space]

WIP Wednesday: Nova rambles about the WIPs Pt 3

I almost forgot I do this lmao now before my Wednesday turns to Thursday, let's goooooooooo

13. Like Real People Do: This one is very close to my heart and it's also one which I'm doing a lot of research for. A LOT. I even contacted an actual archeologist (SO COOL THEY'RE SO COOL AH). In this story, Briseis, a bio-anthropologist, is part of team that excavates a 500+ year old bog body from Opus and she is super excited! What she does not expect is the bog body to come to life and lead her on a wild, very exasperating goose chase through the country in search of something he's missing. Patrochilles, yes. I LOVE THIS STORY I'M FINDING IT A BIT HARD TO WRITE BUT I LOVE IT

14. 1840's Pat is a botanist: Haven't quite decided on the title. I was very inspired by the Ibis Trilogy, especially the character of Paulette. Adventurous botanist? Travelling around the world? YES PLEASE. This AU, like the Ibis Trilogy, is set in the events leading to the Poppy War between Britain and China in the 1840's. So it's more like historical fiction. Patroclus, a former sailor and now botanist works in the botanical gardens of Phthia, hoping to one day make a name for himself. Achilles, son of the owner of said botanical gardens, ex-soldier and now businessman handling trade in his father's company, keeps visiting the botanical gardens to gaze longingly at this man mucking about in the dirt, muttering about the difference between Euphorbia and cacti. The events that follow lead to them being swept into a war out of their control. Can their love bloom in these troubled waters? (Ans: YES IT CAN. IT'S A FUCKING EICCHORNIA FOR THAT) (That's a plant, guys. Not anything horny)

15. Long distance R rated shit: What the title says lmao. My foray into PWP for this one. How do you have sex with the unrequited love of your life when you're on the opposite sides of the country? Achilles has a solution. Patroclus is confused but, hey it's a birthday gift. It would be rude not to accept it. Lmao the idiots in love is strong in this one.

16 and 17. On this shore, I shall wait: Patroclus is an honest, hardworking fisherman. He has everything he needs here. He has a best friend, a boisterous teenager who wants to run away from this place, his boat is in good shape, the sea is, well, the sea. But why the fuck are these fish flying out of the water and slapping him in the face? Or, Achilles is a mermaid trying to get his attention but does not know how to. This man is trying to catch fish right? How about he just gives it to him? But he's too nervous to approach him. So how do you show love? Yeet that fish! (from a prompt in YouTube lmaoooo). The second one which I've named as the Bri version is actually part of the same story but it happens from Briseis' POV in the heartbreaking aftermath of the chaos that ensued. Very inspired by The God Of Small Things. Cause I can't help but add a dash of angst into any long story I write hehe

18. The Newly Dead-Triple Dead Combo: Y'know, Triple Dead Combo. The name is actually a pun, sorta. I heard of this term called "Triple Threat Combo" and was like, huh ok there are three ghosts here so, ayyyyyy (look at me explaining the joke like a dad). But yeah, the rest of the story deals with the reason for Patroclus' death, Achilles slowly dealing with his delicate freedom and Ajax and Briseis losing their minds because WHY IS PAT SIGHING AT THIS BLONDE TWINK??! Also will be delving a bit into the characters past, so we'll be seeing a lot of backstory stuff heheh. Ah, I love ghost stories.

Bonus: 19 cause 16 and 17 are the same thing lol: This one is not in the list because I added it later. Heheh. Museum AU. I won't be saying more because i saw the prompt on Tumblr from an artist many of you know and love so hehehhehehehehehehehehehehehehehehh anyway yeah, this is going to be a oneshot and not a complete story. We're gonna leave at an open ending (because I have neither the courage nor dedication to start another long fic 😭). Very Baejax's Sunset In Your Veins inspired. My dear darling artist (If you see this, YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) who randomly posted about this AU on Tumblr, I have taken it and I am going to make it come true 😤😘

So yeah, those are the WIPs for this Wednesday. I'd say, one more of this and we'll be done! And they will stop screaming around in my head (it is so FRUSTRATING). Maybe I'll post art wips later who knows lmao 😂 or music wips -shrug-

[hiraethwrote]

Hello!!! How are you doing darling? I hope you're doing well!!! I am here to match your freak <3

I have seen you talk with Ave and the fact that your blog names are so similar made me giggle so I'm glad I followed. You seem like a very cool person <33 I fear I have only recently read your stuff <//3 but I'm glad we're moots now !! <333

OMG I SAW THAT PRIDE AND PREJUDICE WAS IN YOUR LIKES. PLEASE OMG TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU LOVE ABOUT THAT MOVIE. IT'S ONE OF MY COMFORT MOVIES, IT'S ONE OF THE LIKE FIVE I TURN ON WHEN I'M SAD. sorry, no more screaming lol. But, omg I literally love that movie. I've read the book probably five times at this point. The mrs. darcy scene lives rent free in my mind at all times. kfgjnbsjkfdgbdfg and the scene where he's walking towards her in the morning and then she kisses his hands and say "you're cold." hbrbghgbsggs sorry I love the 2005 movie lol.

I am now going to yap about your writing <33

I am a Nanami girlie. I am going to be eating well when I get the time to read that oneshot. I know that it's angst- I accept this. afterwards I shall be reading Gojo fluff after to cope with it. Your Nanami fluff hcs changed my life. They brought me so much joy. I kicked my feet and giggled in the comfort of my empty home. OMG I LOVE HIM. I will be thinking about the slow dancing hc forever now. I fear it will never leave my mind. When I do get around to reading the Nanami oneshot I shall give you all thoughts and opinions and probably break the tag limit lol. be prepared <33

thank you so much for joining us in this event and I can't wait to talk to you more <33 :) have a good day Hea!!!

-kai <3

hihihihi 🩷 so happy to have you here matching my freak MWAH!

i saw this ask come in just as i was about to put my phone down and go to bed lol. decided to let it lay until i woke up so i could give you the attention you deserved

you 🫵🏻 seem really cool. seen you on my dash a lot and i really like your vibe so i’m very excited to get to know you better

pride and prejudice has such a special place in my heart 😩 and i’ve talked about this before so not gonna ramble too much about it, but i wrote my bachelor’s thesis about it — about why we all love mr. darcy sm bc i fear he is the love of my life. if i wore to go on about everything i love about it we would be here for years!! have five different editions of the book sitting in my shelf just to look pretty 🥰 one of them is heavily annotated tho as i needed it for my paper.

the movie is also just perfect. Idk how many times i’ve seen it since reading the book, but it’s a go to on bad days. elisabeth and darcy’s banter and yearning just has me in a chokehold — enemies to lovers is just superior and they did it right!! and i’m a slut for that hand scene like every other normal human being

i am glad i can do nanami justice 🙏🏻 personally, i’m often drawn the overly funny white haired guy compensating for their trauma (gojo, astarion) or the moody grumpy dark haired guys (kageyama, megumi), but one cannot not help but fall in love with nanami either. there’s something about writing about an established man, so sure of himself and you that has me absolutely weak 😩 nanami casually being the greenest flag to ever exist

i’m really looking forward to interacting more with you darling 🩷 hope you have a nice sunday

[canary0]

May 16 – Dracula 2023

Written in the margins of a book

My god, what’s happening here? I want to accept the evidence of my eyes and ears, but how can I? I may already have lost my mind. If I am still sane, I feel like I’m on the edge just knowing that, of all the horrors that hide in the shadows of this castle, the Count is the least dangerous. It’s at his whim that I’m safe, and only while I’m useful. I have to keep breathing deeply as I write this to try and cool my head – if my emotions get the better of me, I really will go mad. I always wondered what Shakespeare meant when he had Hamlet say,

“My tablets! quick, my tablets!

‘Tis meet that I put it down.”

As of right now, I feel like I’ve lost it or like my brain is going to collapsed in on itself. Putting it all down helps – maybe make it easier to accept the reality of what I’ve seen.

The Count’s warning about sleeping elsewhere was scary; now it’s terrifying. This whole situation strikes me as having been a win-win for him. If I had followed his warning, I would have stayed exactly where he wanted me. If I did what I did and wandered, I would find the door (that I doubt was left unlocked on accident now), and have an incident that would make me afraid to disobey in the future.

I truly am, now knowing what lies in the dark. I’ll enter everything accurately, as before. It helps a little.

Once I was finished typing, I shut down my computer, packed it away in its bag. I felt sleepy, and I took some pleasure in the small act of defiance in flaunting his rule. Looking out into the wide expanse past the windows was soothing, and my eyelids were getting heavy. Who knows if I would have even made it back to those gloomy rooms I shared with the Count’s presence, and the claustrophobic feeling it created. I wanted to rest here, in these soft, comfortable rooms where ladies had long ago had spent time singing, heartsick as they waited for men to return from the wars that raged through this land over the course of history. The dust honestly couldn’t have mattered less to me in the moment, as I slipped my laptop bag under the couch and slipped the thumb drive into my pocket. I laid down and sleep must have overtaken me quickly. I thought so, anyway, but looking back on it, it all feels extremely real, and I can’t believe I was asleep – at least not fully.

At some point, I realized I wasn’t alone, even though the room hadn’t changed. I could even see my footprints in the moonlight. Opposite me were three young woman who certainly looked what I imagined noble ladies might. I thought I must have been asleep, since despite the moonlight being right on them, they didn’t cast a shadow. They came close and seemed to just study me for a long time before whispering together. Two of them resembled the Count – high, aquiline noses, and large, dark eyes that the yellowish moonlight seemed to cast as red. The other was beautiful, with wavy blonde hair, and blue eyes that were so eerily pale they couldn’t help but draw the eye. There was something strangely familiar about her face, like I had seen her before, and it filled me with fear, but I couldn’t tell you the source of that fear. They all had those bright red lips with teeth that stood out in brilliant white against them. I felt a combination of a bizarre longing and fear, some part of me hoping they would kiss me with those red lips. I hate writing that down – I don’t want to cause Mina pain with it. I need to record the truth here, though. To make sure everything is accurate and that my story isn’t changing in my own head.

They whispered together, then they all laughed – it was silvery and musical, yet something was hard about it. It didn’t sound like any sound a human would make. It sounded more like the sound of a glass armonica. The blonde shook her head, seeming bashful.

“Go on! You are first, and we shall follow; yours is the right to begin,” said one of the other two.

“He is young and strong; there are kisses for us all,” said the said the second.

I lay quiet and still, in anticipation. She leaned over until I could feel her breath upon me. It was sweet, but there was something wrong about the sweetness, like the sickly sweet of rot, or perfume covering the scent of blood.

I could see through my eyelashes, thought I was afraid to open my eyes any more than that. She was bent over me, seeming to want to savor the moment, and actually… I’ve seen people lick their lips before, but this looked more like an animal licking its chops right between a meal than that. The moon seemed to highlight her mouth, the red tongue passing over the bright, sharp teeth and red lips. Like a wolf, a wild thought came to mind. Like the wolves surrounding the carriage. Elegant predators about to take down prey that was helpless to stop them. I was frozen then, too.

I could feel her approaching my neck, the lips land, and then the hard press of sharp teeth indenting but not piercing. Yet. I waited with my heart pounding in my ears.

Suddenly, there was another presence, an unmistakable one, as if he had simply appeared in the room without the necessity of crossing space or going through doors. He grabbed the back of the woman’s neck and pulled her back with effortless strength. Her face contorted and reddened with rage, teeth chomping wildly with it. The image of a wolf only seemed to sharpen in my mind. The Count made her look meek as a lamb, though, and as weak as one in comparison. His eyes were blazing with fury so deeply they seemed to glow bright red in the darkness. His face seemed carved of pure white marble, pale white and marked with hard lines. He threw the blonde woman, then made the same sweeping gesture to the other two that he had made to the wolves. When he spoke, his low whisper cut through the air like a razor.

“How dare you touch him, any of you? How dare you cast eyes on him when I had forbidden it? Back, I tell you all! This man belongs to me! Beware how you meddle with him, or you’ll have to deal with me,” he snapped.

“You yourself never loved; you never love!” If I thought their laughter was hard before, I was still unprepared for this. It rang out, inhuman, soulless. It was cynical and bitter. The Count turned and seemed to study my face, as well.

After a moment, he whispered, “Yes, I too can love; you yourselves can tell it from the past. Is it not so? Well, now I promise you that when I am done with him you shall kiss him at your will. Now go! go! I must awaken him, for there is work to be done.”

“Are we to have nothing to-night?” The woman who spoke, pointed to a bag on the floor that wriggled a little and moved as if something alive were within. They opened it, and I heard a sharp intake of breath, and what I could only hope wasn’t the wail of a child. I can’t think of what else it could have been, though, and just writing that makes me feel ill. They vanished, though, and the bag with them. They seemed to fade into the moonlight, their silhouettes visible in it briefly outside before they disappeared. It was too much – I finally passed out.

I woke in my own bed – the Count had to have carried me. Nothing matched the habits I have of when I go to sleep. The solar charger wasn’t set in the window. My clothes were folded up and set aside oddly. It’s circumstantial evidence at best, though. So, naturally, since my laptop wasn’t immediately on hand, I got dressed and went to go look for hard evidence. Searching my rooms didn’t turn it up. I looked everywhere and then, with great hesitation, left to go find that room again.

The door is now so thoroughly jammed into the frame that it’s impossible to open. I could see splinters around the edge where it’s actually pushed into the stone. My laptop must be in there, and if it is, then I really did go in there. What I experienced at least partially took place.

Now my laptop is gone, too. Everything I might have used to contact someone if I got out of here is gone. My phone is destroyed. My laptop is locked away. My only comfort is that it should be hidden well enough, and even if it isn’t, he can’t get into it. Document security is important, so it had password and biometric locks. Maybe he’ll get frustrated and throw it off the cliff. I feel I could only be so lucky at this point. What I’ve already written is with me still, at least, which is a comfort.

So here I am, writing in the margins of a book from the library because it’s the only paper I have access to. The old train timetables, at least, leave quite a bit of room for this. It’s not huge, so I’ll keep it on my person, lest that get taken from me, too.

(A/N: It struck me that there’s no way Jon would wait until May 18th to go looking for his computer. That shit’s important, and it’s his last lifeline. It’s saying something that the best he feels he can hopeful at this point is that it gets dashed on the rocks.

It feels like the plot is slowly starting to step apart from the original.

Hell yeah, back on schedule, baby.)

[alienaiver]

Hi Nohr! How about Noya…and the sentence “his smile is blinding” because I would love to read a happy moment with him today!

Have fun with whatever you decide to write! 🥰

good evening luna my beloved !!! you asked and i shall deliver !! surprisingly, nishinoya's presence in this fic is funny but... i get it, hes so good!! fun fact, even pre-timeskip, hes taller than me <3 i hope this was a happy moment enough with him !! <3333333 noya was one of my early favs and i cosplayed him once, hes just so COOL!!! once again got a little carried away [clown emoji]

Tanaka Ryuunosuke is sitting in front of you eating a scone with a sort of aggressiveness you haven’t seen in him beside on the court. The way he bites down on the scone is demonstrative, a way to show that he means business.

Said business? You’re not sure what it’s about.

You’ve been friends with Tanaka since first year but you’re not exactly close – certainly not close enough to go for baked goods alone with him. And yet, here you are.

You lean your head to the side with a frustrated-yet-given-up look, “the thing you couldn’t talk about at school? Can you mention it now?”

He lifts his hand as if to stop you as he swallows the last of the bread. There’s a moment of tense and awkward silence as you wait for him to continue the conversation, breaching whatever secret subject that wasn’t allowed near school.

He looks out the window and sighs, “they say that a clear sky brings frost soon.”

“Huh?”

Puzzled does not begin to describe what you’re feeling. He finally looks at you, a determined smile gracing his features – his hair seems to need a cut soon, it’s grown longer than his usual length, you think. “I’m here on business but on the behalf of a friend – unbeknownst to said friend, so it is of utmost importance that this remains a discreet affair.”

You’re not sure that he understands half of the words he’s using or if he just thought them fancy, so you laugh a bit. “Oookay, have I done something wrong?”

“No!” he almost jumps across the table to you, his palms hitting the surface loudly and dramatically. People around you turn their heads to see what the commotion is and with a blush and clearing of his throat, he sits back with a straight back. “Nothing wrong!”

You nod your head before you take your straw back into your mouth, getting more of your Caramel Frappuccino onto your tastebuds. You regret not buying the large size with the way the tempo is going. He nods back and crosses his arms over his chest, “I heard you like Noya.”

You choke on a portion of your frappe, hurriedly taking another sip to swallow what got stuck in your throat. You hope he regards your facial expression as due to the choking. He waits you out and hands you a napkin, “is it true?”

You clear your throat, “how the hell do you know, though?”

He smiles, “Karima told Teshi who told her big sister, Akane who then told my sister who accidentally spilled it to me in excitement.” The pride he shows irks you and you scowl, taking another loud sip of your drink to gather your reply in your mind.

He’s not wrong.

You just don’t like the fact that he knows – because then who else knows? Did he know? With how close he and Tanaka is-

“Noya doesn’t know.” Tanaka says as if reading your mind, “I wouldn’t tell your secret like that to him.”

You nod, “thank you?” he smiles proudly. You put down your drink, “well, I do like him, yeah. But what’s it to you?”

He leans closer to you and in an almost whisper replies, “he’s my bro. I’m looking out for him!”

Tanaka is a good friend. You’ve always known this about him, and this just further solidifies it. You smile at him and offer him the rest of the chocolate croissant on your plate. He happily accepts and scarfs it down quickly.

“What do you like about him?”

You pretend to think for a while but you knew the answer already before he asked you, “his smile is blinding.”

Tanaka nods approvingly, his hands crossed over his chest again, “it really is! He’s so handsome, isn’t he?” you spend a good portion of minutes talking about Nishinoya with Tanaka, which is a nice change of pace. Most people ask what you like about him with a negative attitude, unsure of what could be liked about a guy like him. You’re tired of having to defend your crush on such a reliable, sunshine-embodied man. You gush with Tanaka a few moments before Tanaka sits back again with a hum, “it’s decided. I’ll help you ask him out!”

“W-what? You don’t have to!” you protest, suddenly insecure. What if he doesn’t like you back? That’d just be so embarrassing. Your friendship with him had only recently started to bloom into something worthwhile – you don’t want to risk losing that over a silly crush.

Tanaka’s having none of your insecurity, already telling you in bright detail how to get a hold of the energetic boy best, what he likes and dislikes and which subjects you could potentially use to woo him with. When Tanaka whispers a small, “you won’t need it at all though, I know how he’s feeling.” You don’t catch it, too busy gushing at the fact of a potential confession.

[poltergeist-coffee]

"wil.... there's something I've been meaning to ask you"

the brunet smiles "what is it big q"

"well I've been wondering... would you want to become a mermaid and be with me, together in a pod"

wilbur laughs awkwardly, the smile on his face becoming strained, "you're joking right, you're not actually suggesting I swallow a scale for you... right"

"why would I joke about this"

the smile disappears quickly replaced by a scowl, "quackity why the fuck would you think I would ever accept that deal" his voice raising

"well... I-"

"I've told you my biggest fear why would I ever put myself in the same situation" he seethed

"what do you mean some situation? I thought his memory problems was just from old age or something"

"old-" he cuts himself off taking a breath to cool down "my father's condition was caused by swallowing a mermaid scale quackity, that's the price for taking the deal"

"well he took the deal"

rage filled wilbur, "took the deal... you think he willing chose to swallow that scale and lose his memories‽ cause if that's what you think big q you are dead wrong. his hand was forced, he swallowed that scale to protect his family. my father was willing to sacrifice everything to keep us safe" his voice raised again. "he NEVER would have eaten that scale if he didn't have to"

"well even if he didn't want to eat it he's fine now so why wont you‽"

wilbur couldn't believe what he was hearing "fine....you think he's fine, do you have ANY idea of how long it took to get to this point‽ how many 'bad days' I had to wake up with my own fucking father not even remembering my name‽‽‽ how many sleepless nights I've spent wondering if this was it, if this time the memories didn't stick, if this time his memories would stay locked away‽‽"

quackity didn't have an answer to that, so wilbur kept going,

"do you know how hard it is to wake up and find someone you love quizing himself on his own children's names, how hard it is to watch as he spends his good days making sure we will be okay when he forgets. can you even comprehend waking up every morning asking yourself if you're going to have to spend they day trying to get him to remember you"

there was a heavy silence as the weight of his words sank in,

"he's gone through hell and back to get to this point and he still struggles, he still has bad days. he still forgets" he doesn't even know when the hot angry tears started rolling down hid face, "he didn't even swallow a whole scale... thats the only reason we didn't lose him"

neither spoke for a long time after this. until the flying fish decided to break the silence,

quackity took wilburs hands into his own "well.... would it really be so bad to forget all this. I mean if you take my offer we can be together and, and you won't have to live in this fishing village, and you won't have to worry about phil forgetting you" quackity took wilburs silence as permission to continue, "you could leave all that pain behind if you take the deal"

it took the human a few moments to calm himself before speaking, lacing his words with the venom he could feel building in his heart, "only a fool would truly believe I would leave my family behind for you"

he squeezed wilburs hands hoping to calm him, wilbur took them away so if he had just touched hot coals, "we- we could give your daughter a scale too, she can come with u-"

"leave"

quackity looked into wilburs eyes not expecting the look of pure hatred that filled them

"what... what are you-"

"fucking leave. I don't care where you go as long as it's not fucking here"

"wil-"

"don't "

"please let me-"

"I was a fool to think you would be different... just... just leave" the hate had left wilburs form, leaving behind a hollow sadness, "please"

-🪶

the trap (angst) is set, and now I shall wait for it to go off (be read)

[jaynnie-jane]

This is such a strange feeling. I don't know if it was ending things (common sense would tell me it's probably that) or if it's medication, hormones or just a very deep and entire acceptance that happened yesterday and today. I am not afraid to loose you all of a sudden. I still really want to work on us, I still want to take the time to do it and I still don't like the way my future looks without you in it but I am not afraid of it.

I think it was that post about not destroying the thing we love honestly. I love him, plain and simple and I want BOTH of us to thrive. I want BOTH of us to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.

Figuratively, on Monday I said "fuck that third entity that is the relationship" and in doing so I can now see the people that were suffering because of it. And I really do think it turned into a twisted mess because we were both too afraid of hurting each other, we were both too afraid of destroying "the relationship".

And it's strange because while I still want and really hope that we could still be together, I also look at some of my friendships and my more than friendships but not quite in a monagamous, committed, eternal relationship, relationships and I think yeah, there's no reason on my end why I wouldn't enjoy that.

I know the transition TO that will be difficult coz theres a lot of difference in expectation that I feel there... heck, maybe that's SUPER unhealthy but I know I have had some really loving, genuine, accepting relationships like that.

Maybe its a me thing and when I am wearing that hat and have those expectations, my codependency doesn't destroy shit.

Coz that's the other thing I'm feeling at the moment: very little expectation, I don't feel a NEED to be understood or a NEED for the "correct" apology.

It's just like this weird "it's all g, we are all different, we're just here to experience and enjoy what we can. Oh you feeling down, here let me spread some love".

Am I fucking high on quetiapine? Though, last time I thought it was fucking with me it made me weirdly dismissive of everyone else and now I think it's making me weirdly dismissive of me??

Hahaha just ran through a fantasy to check that assumption; wait so, if I am being weirdly dismissive of my own needs and feelings, does that mean I am not afraid to work..? Checked against the idea of being a peer support person and was like okay, yeah that seems cool. Turned up the heat a bit and thought through the process of going to work 9-5, 5 days a week and was like ooo that's getting uncomfy, don't think I wanna do that so turned it up even more just to really stress test and just had one word "homecraft?". My brain INSTANTLY RECOILED and said a big old naaaaah MAAAATE.

Hahaha brains are dumb XD.

But yeah, in this moment I just kinda feel.. good? Like I could actually be honest about what I want instead of being too afraid to ask/tell or be worried about what might seem like a double standard.

I shall monitor this feeling closely. How long do we rekon it's gonna last Tumbls?

Confusion, hope, desire, confident, curious, 😴 sleepy, silly, empathy, smol guilt, "like me", wary, medium guilt, suspisciously stable... unstable XD