#mental breakdown incoming

[thatonetransguyincanada]

Just wanna say in regards to this weeks D&Daddies episode I want it to be known that I have been waiting ever so patiently for a Normal breakdown ever sense the Among Us episode. I knew it would be coming but Will took his time to really build it up (intentional or not) and you will see me frothing at the MOUTH with anticipation for the next episode to come out in four weeks.

I hold Normal very close to my heart and I listening to him constantly doubt himself, his worth, his place in the group and family and the world fucking WRECKS me in the best way possible. Like literally all the other teens have or are going through their own hardships and have been vocal about them while Normal has been trying to keep his shit together plus the group all the while feeling unwanted and unappreciated. The man is literally the one Not-Chosen-One in a family of Chosen Ones!! (Henry = unsung hero Lark/Sparrow = Lord of Chaos and Hero = Doodler Slayer(?) and I will not be counting Normals Mom because she married into the crazy mess). All the guy wants is for someone to see him for him and love him for being just him. Someone who he could genuinely trust without any doubt (which considering the sheet amount of betrayal this boy and the teens have gone through is pretty fucking world shattering). But instead he tries to cling to any relationship that could make him feel even the smallest bit better about himself.

I love Normal/Hermie but Hermie be fucking toxic as fuck and full on using the carrot and stick method on Normal which is not cool and to hear Normal call out “My future boyfriend!” And stuff in this episode hurt when Hermie kept ignoring him in favour of Scary.

Normal aint perfect and has made some questionable choices I know and am well aware, but I think out of all the teens, the guy deserves some love and needs a good fucking hug.

[giiyus]

1. fred's getting kidnapped before q!tubbo (so unfair, my delusional thinking didn't work this time Sadge)

2. IS FRED NOT GOING TO GIVE Q!TUBBO HIS LETTER AND FLOWERS??? Q!TUBBO CANNOT BE LEFT ON READ....PLease

[schadentekkers]

DANGEROUS TEKKERS ROAD TO TOKYO DOME 2022

[decayingdebris]

Not me being so depressed and anxious I feel physically ill haha!

[of-a-chaotic-mind]

Mental Breakdowns Incoming

I feel like I should preface this by saying my family & I cope with humor... Anyways, here's a conversation I just had with my mom via family group message:

Me: *bitching & complaining bc I'm tired & overstimulated*

Mom: *sympathizes with her own bitching & complaining bc she is also tired & overstimulated*

~ gas meter guys come to move our meter so they don't have to go in the back yard where the dogs usually are. This caused the dogs to go nuts which worsened her overstimulation ~

Mom: Great, now the dogs are on high alert & barking at every little noise. I want my straight jacket in purple with sparkles please.

Me: lmaooooo can I get mine in black with metal studs??

Mom: Absolutely! I will go order those now.

Me: Forget nursing home, we're all gonna be in a psych ward one day.

Mom: Oh definitely!

We may or may not be on the verge of mental breakdowns but at least we're in this fuster cluck together 😂

[jeysbvck]

.

was feeling pretty good until i got a text off my mum making me feel like a complete burden and a complete fuck up bc i can't find a job and i can't afford to eat like why am i still here at this point like?????😊😊😊😊

[soothifying-sounds-asmr]

I was accepted to a paid video editing internship and a lot of the work is very reminiscent of what I used to do here. It makes me so happy to know that my silly little Tumblr blog gave me good practice :3 I hope everyone is doing well <3 Tell me what you're going to be for Halloween!

[not-poignant]

Jesus H Christopher, Pia. Your writing load is insane.

Maybe you should cut back on how many chapters you release for certain stories? Like Stain and Palma (since these stories dont equal income) until UtB the other Underline stories are almost done. Just a thought

Because I feel burnt out just by thinking of writing that much, so I can only imagine how you feel. Please take care of yourself

Hi anon,

TL;DR: My brain is stupid, which is why I can't do this, even though it makes sense and is logical.

Unfortunately the fanfiction is what often makes the original fiction possible, or more enjoyable.

If I lock myself down into too much schedule and rigidity, or if I only focus on writing for money, I actually start to hate writing, even if I love the stories. There is nothing like 'will this earn money, do people like this, would people pay, what if they all decide to stop paying for this, why would they pay for this, would I pay for this, how much would people pay for this, is there any incentive for them to pay for this, actually if I wrote a ton of different tropes maybe I'd make more for this, but that's depressing, but I need the money, shit what do I do, what if I lose my income, what if it all stops tomorrow, I need to write more, I need to write more, I need to write more' that is actually very exhausting and makes writing not much fun at all.

And to deliberately break out of that headspace as much as possible, I write fanfiction. Because that headspace (the one I wrote about above), on its own, even if I'm only writing two stories, can and has led to burnout and depressive episodes. I don't recommend it.

In a way, one of the reasons I can write so many stories right now (ADHD meds aside) is that I am letting myself break out and just have fun with fanfiction, and remember that my original writing is meant to be fun too. But without fanfiction, I lose sight of that very quickly.

Fanfiction means that when an original story chapter does super badly, generally there are still excited comments elsewhere that keep me going. That's how I survived The Ice Plague, and that story would never have been completed without fanfiction, because that was my worst performer of any story I've ever written. It also means if a lot of subscribers leave at once, I don't feel like The Worst Writer In The World. So having fanfiction behind me was like...a literal safety net or my security blanket.

If I have to discard my security blankets or use them less often in order to keep writing the original stuff, I might as well just stop entirely, because my longest hiatuses from Patreon (i.e. one lasted 1.5 years, many have lasted 4-6 months) have been when I'm mostly just writing original fiction, and am not writing much fanfiction, or not deliberately finding time for it, and finally get so stressed out re: money I literally have to stop. I'm on a (partial) Disability Pension.

A long time ago some professional people told me I probably shouldn't be working at all because of my mental illnesses and then paid me money because of the severity of those mental illnesses. My dumbass brain be pretty fragile, actually, and keeps chugging away because I make bad business decisions and write stuff I enjoy instead of writing to market, or doing rapid release, or releasing more novels (or novels). Writing does ironically help when I'm stressed, but not when I'm stressed about making money because of writing.

I will cut at my income before I cut at my love of this job, and unfortunately fanfiction keeps me going in this job, which means I can't really cut at that first.

(Also from a business perspective, it's actually a very good funnel to the original stuff and then subscription. Most of you wouldn't be here if you hadn't read one of my fanfics first and then gave the original stuff a try - I try not to think about that too much because I need fanfic to not be about money, but the fact is, I would not have this career without fanfic).

I do have plans to take two weeks off in January from posting chapters (I can still post rewards in the second half of January) and that's not too far away.

And the reality is that I probably would have kept going okay if real life hadn't imploded on top of everything like the world's worst bukkake party.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

GUESS WHO FINALLY CAUGHT UP W THE BLLK MANGA 🤩

[leafuxxtea]

god the announcement of hnk (houseki no kuni/land of the lustrous) has got me in shambles,,, i haven't read the chapters after the 10 000 years hiatus so i gotta catch up (actually I'll probably re-read the whole thing)

‼️rambling incoming‼️

imo, hnk is one of the best series for deep psychological analysis,,, it had such a deep impact on me when i first read it (like 3 years ago) and still remains in my top best/favorites series 🥹🥹 i could ramble abt it for so long,,, the process of one losing bit by bit the parts of themselves and replacing it with something else (both physically and metaphorically) in an endless need to help others, but also as an own selfish wish to become better than who they used to be. Then looking back, and realizing things were so much simpler back then, and mourning that past self. (The fact that all of this revolves around their self-hatred and the belief that they're worthless is just. It's so heartbreaking to me. They've become so desperate for affirmation and yet still keeps getting hurt, by others and by themself too.)

i have too many feelings about the manga 😭😭 im losing myself to the brainrot, help-

[leojfitz]

"Do you mind?” He says, probably a bit too loud because he still has his headphones on, not bothering to turn off his music. He looks up at the culprit, whoever is that decided to shake themselves off like a dog right in front of him, and well. Henry almost forgets why he is angry for a second. Words are coming out of the guy's mouth, a very handsome mouth, a very handsome everything, truth to be told. Starting from a mess of dark, curly wet hair sticking to his face and ending with thighs that Henry is already picturing biting into. Henry can't stop staring and it's only when the guy points to his ears that Henry realises that he should be taking his headphones off and maybe listening to whatever he has to say."

or: Henry is on holiday with his parents. He wants to spend a whole week relaxing and reading books, but little does he know that a certain someone will ruin all his plans.

read on ao3

[arrowpunk]

Well I got a job

[coffeewithcutcaffeine]

Buying swimwear in the year of our Lord 2024 seems like an impossible task. Like what's going on with all these bikini bottoms that fully expose your ass cheeks. Some of us girlies seek comfort. 😭😭😭

[gideonisms]

.....realized I would literally rather work 12 hours a day and come home to complete silence where my space is exactly the way I like it and I don't have to continue to mask my reactions than have to work all day then come back to a roommate. wish I'd had this realization 2 months ago. I've been crying about how much I don't want to live with someone else and just NOW realized I'm an adult and I've organized my life in such a way that I don't technically Have to I can just work harder at a number of kind of shitty jobs I'm qualified for

[beautifulboysbeingbusy]

Look at HT knee!!! This smooth little biatch. Scandalous! I LOVE HIM! Mo loves him! They love each other!!!!! And now there is no turning back!!!!1!!!

[youremyonlyhope]

Not me legitimately looking up flights to Ireland for a last minute near-mental-breakdown solotrip...