#men see someone that's pretty in a queer unconventional way and go

[elvenmoans]

I just got access to tiktok live which ive been trying for but its SCARY

ppl are mean in them lmao

[punksocks]

Astro Observations No.19

(Thank you so much for the support everyone! I appreciate you following my blog c:)

*Just based on my experiences, only take what resonates

-Starting a new relationship during Venus in retrograde is guaranteed to teach you a karmic lesson with a probably karmic partner (I’ll never forget mine oml)

-Under developed Venus ruled men/ Men with heavy Venus placements are a nightmare. Underdeveloped ones choose to be chaotic with charming energy. Like f-boys or like vampires. They just tend to run through people and use them for validation. Sometimes they grow out of it and become better. A lot of times they just get too big of an ego and get narcissistic in this energy and are just destructive.

-The house your Juno is in could be an indicator of your soulmate’s placements (ex if your Juno is in Aries your partner may have Juno in first. Or if your Juno is in 5th they may have Leo in Juno. If your Juno is in Libra they may have Juno in 7th.)

-Libra/Taurus/Venus in 1st house people can get away with such criminal behavior lol, people will never blame them or they will always want to see the best in their actions. I feel like Leo Asc/Sun in 1st can get through a lot of actions with confidence but they usually do face blow back at some point if they’re behaving badly.

-Neptune 1st house/Pisces rising will have a more erratic sort of filter applied to them. Like usually they’ll get like subconsciously softened and idealized by others but they’ll also get certain traits like air head or spacey applied to them. Basically getting elevated and infantilized the most imo.

-Having North Node in Pisces can be a murky karmic placement. I’ve found that North Node in Pisces can manifest as anything from spiritual devotion and detachment from others to lifelong addiction and reliance on substances, any path that has heavy Neptunian themes which feels like a roulette since Neptune rules over confusion.

-Mars MC can be a sex symbol placement for any gender, someone known for their body or having a striking presence.

-Venus MC is definitely someone that’s known for being a charmer at best and a player at worst. Still very good with people either way.

-MC in Scorpio can manifest as someone that’s seen as constantly going through transformations and tribulations in their career and public life. Alchemy or catastrophe, always at an extreme.

-Venus can show where you are the most appealing to others (Venus in 1st would be seen as charming and probably having a very pretty face, Venus in 2nd would been seen as luxurious and having many resources and having a pretty body, Venus in 3rd would be a very charming speaker and likely have a voice that draws in others, etc I can make a whole post on this if anyone’s curious)

-Aquarius Venus/Venus in 11th fall in love with someone unconventional, or someone they met in an unconventional way (online dating, penpal programs, stuff like that)

-I find all fixed moons have really intense emotions, they just express it in different ways (yo if you’ve ever just disagreed with an Aquarius moon you know they can get touchy if you’re not on the same page with their logic)

-Aquarius is not a great way to figure out if someone is queer imo. The connotation of being lgbtqia+ being essentially strange/out of the norm is … something already but plenty of queer icons that live with their careers/lives revolving around the queer community have no Aquarius in their charts at all (I was looking at Elvira’s chart after this Matt Baume video on YouTube about how she’s a queer icon that was elevated by the queer community and was a closeted lesbian and she turned out not to have a single Aquarius placement, a Virgo stellium and Leo placements stood out the most to me). Sappho is the asteroid to check out for wlw I’m not sure for mlm but I’m sure Greek mythology has given us a great asteroid for the mascs

-Squares to north node can present “delays” with your destiny (more so having to hone aspects of your personality, having certain experiences beforehand, and coming into your destiny later in life, Joe Biden is an interesting example of this lots of squares and harsh aspects to north node and he ran for president like 7 times before he won, even became Vice President before, so interesting)

- (TW scars, harm) Scorpio can show where you have organic scars/birthmarks (Scorpio in 1st birth marks/freckles just appear on my face) where as Pluto can show where you get scars through experiences (I have Pluto in 2nd and I got burned on the lower third of my body when my dad left me in a hot water bath as a baby :/)

[iguesswhatimtryingtosayis]

Where has Chappell Roan been my whole life??

Because it's not just one thing. She's made progress in so many areas, just by not taking other people's shit with her music and her media presence. For example, she:

directly addressed stalker behavior with celebrities - It's amazing to see a woman standing up for herself and addressing the fact that even if you recognize someone, you can't automatically expect them to do whatever you want them to. Harassment is still harassment, even if the person is famous. And I love that she was willing to stand up for herself and others who have and likely will be in the same position.

addressed how it feels to not fit in with the people around you (pink pony club) - I know that the song is specifically about how hard it is to be queer in a place where it isn't widely accepted, but I feel like it can apply to other areas too, because really the whole point is about finding a place where you belong and can be accepted, and it's amazing, and I feel like acceptance should be something that everyone gets to feel.

all around been a feminine icon - okay this has several points because she has done a lot, but overall she doesn't let people treat her poorly just for being a woman.

Her outfits?? They are pretty unconventional at times, but they are always hers. She doesn't dress up for anyone but herself, and she always presents herself the way that she wants to be seen, not how she is expected to, and also she has public appearances with everything from no makeup to full face, and I love it because women don't always feel like they can be without makeup, and seeing someone so iconic being comfortable with herself can be very motivating for people who may not have as much self confidence.

Normalizing sexuality for both women and queer people - in a lot of media and music men talk about how they want to touch a woman, and sometimes even rape is brought up as if it's something that is okay to do. And despite the fact that they talk about women in degrading ways, the same people shame women for being sexually active. But in Chappell Roan's music, she talks about sex in a respectful consensual way, and her music has quickly become some of the first music about queer sex that is widely popular.

Been an icon for queer people in general, one of the first popularized queer people that others cannot deny is queer -because despite everything about him, people still don't think Freddie Mercury was bi??? and apparently some people haven't heard of David Bowie?? I could keep going but this is already one of the longest posts I've made so far so I'll stop here. And while she's definitely not the first, she's definitely one of the most vocal queer artists.

To be honest I first started listening to her because the girl I like really likes her, but honestly I would be lying if I said I wasn't obsessed at this point. And while there is absolutely more that she has done, my hand hurts and I don't feel like typing anymore. If anyone has anything else they would like to add please feel free!

But yeah basically I love Chappell Roan

[kade0--0]

GONNA TALK ABOUT "I WANT TO BE THE WALL" CUZ I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT THIS MANGA

------------

❧ I Want to be The Wall

(Watashi wa Kabe ni Naritai/わたしは壁になりたい)

- Aroace female MC, Gay MC, Married MCs

Absolutely amazing absolutely beautiful I will forever recommend this manga it's genuinely so good

A story of an aroace woman (Yuriko) who likes BL and fears living alone, and a gay man (Takerota) who can't be with the person he loves. Despite their differences they had amazing communication skills and their willingness to accommodate to each other was honestly peak marriage behavior. I also loved how they tried their best to understand each other's sexualities.

There was this part of the manga where Takerota talked to Yuriko's friend about asexuality and stuff, and it made me cry so hard I had to take a break from reading. When I got to that part I really thought "ah I totally get how Yuriko feels". The way her friend explained her fondness for love as a concept was honestly pretty much how I felt about it. Liking romance manga and feeling happy when we see people who are able to love and cherish each other, recognizing how beautiful that feeling must be, but ultimately unable to experience it the same way everyone else does and yearning for it.

Her friend also goes to explain how she likes BL in particular because both main characters are men, so she wouldn't be able to draw a direct connection to herself as a woman or imagine herself in that situation. I totally got that, reading things I can't fully relate to because it allows me to distance myself from the romance happening in front of me.

I'm really talking a lot but this is just from one chapter HAHAH anyway the whole manga is so so good I really recommend it, the part I ranted about was just the one that struck me the most because I was really going thru it when I decided to pick this manga up. All that combined with the feeling of being seen really set me off so yeah

In the end, I loved how Yuriko and Takerota became a (unconventional) family even though they started the whole marriage for the sake of convenience

Honestly while reading it, I just kept thinking how nice it would be if I experienced something similar. I'm also scared of growing old by myself, and in my case, watching everyone around me fall in love while I can't and making their partners their top priority just fuels the fear that I'll never be that important to anyone or have someone to lean on in the future. The way my parent is also starting to talk about boyfriends and babies is also adding onto the pressure that I need to be normal and get married and have kids someday. But if I did that it wouldn't be for my own happiness, I'd just be doing what other people want me to do.

But this manga kinda gave me hope that maybe I can find someone who'd be content staying by my side without expecting any romantic connection. And maybe one day I'll be brave enough to live how I want to live.

To every aroace person suffering from these fears I really hope you find people you can call family and trust to have your back at all times <3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was originally gonna be on my list of queer manga I read recently (still working on that), but I got carried away with this part and it ended up longer and way more personal than the others so I made a separate post for it yay!!

Happy reading to anyone who felt like picking this up after seeing this post!

<3

[nightcolorz]

My Our flag means death hot takes 🥵🔥 

(Except most of them are frankly not very controversial and I’m really not looking to argue lol)

All Izzy Hands discourse would be solved if people online started analyzing him like he was an interesting plot component that serves ofmd’s themes and not a real person who needs to be held accountable for his actions

Additionally, all Izzy Hands discourse is stupid and exhausting

Black Pete is criminally underrated in the fandom despite being a very prominent character in the show. He’s absolutely hilarious, I can name so many moments with him that made me bust out laughing. We need more Pete appreciation.

Its a big pet peeve of mine when ofmd fan content has the characters talk/think about their sexualities and gender identities with modern language and sensibilities. One of the reasons I think everything is so normalized and no big deal on the revenge is because they have no concept of what being “lgbt” is. It’s just, “I only like to fuck guys” and “I don’t like being treated like I’m a guy or a girl”. Trying to put these characters into boxes and label them with labels that they would have never used just feels awkward to me. It’s much more interesting when people explore how Ofmd’s queer characters would rationalize and explore their identities without having any technical words to describe themselves. It’s really comforting to me as someone who often times gets stressed over not being able to properly label myself.

I think Jim is in a different genre just as much (if not more) than Izzy. Every time it cuts to one of their subplots it’s like being transported to a cowboy revenge movie. I totally get the “Izzy is in the wrong genre” meme, I find it absolutely hilarious, but it just seems kinda weird to me that Jim is frankly the much better fit for that type of joke and I’ve literally seen no one recognize that. We need more “Jim is in the wrong genre” content, pretty much

I don’t want Stede’s character development in season two to be him becoming a badass more competent and rugged pirate. I’ve seen a lot of people who really want that to happen and the idea of it actually makes my skin crawl. The only time we’ve ever seen Stede behave the way we’d expect a pirate to behave (the “unhand me or bleed” scene) was because he was feeling trapped, lonely, and unlike himself. I am definitely down to see Stede spiral down a path similar to that, where he becomes more violent and pirate-y out of desperation or something, but I REALLY don’t want this to be presented as necessary and positive character development. The theme of ofmd is that “there’s more than one way to be a man”, and piracy and the expectations around it are often times used to represent manhood. Stede being an unconventional pirate who wears fancy outfits and doesn’t like blood is essential to this theme, and if he were to subdue or grow out of these traits to fit into the more standard mold the literal villains of the series want him to fit in it would be a betrayal of his character.

All of your “OFMD Season 2 sound track predictions” playlists are wrong I’m sorry 😭😭 guys theirs not going to be any mitski, MCR, or Billie Eilish songs in s2 two please take a walk ✋🏼

Additionally, the only ABBA song I want in season two is SOS. It fits the tone and the plot perfectly, gimme gimme gimme or lay all your love on me would just seem out of place.

While we’re on the subject of season two, you guys know that ofmd isn’t just a show about representation, right? Our flag means death obviously has fabulous queer and poc rep, and that’s great! But just because those things are a part of the appeal doesn’t mean thats the entire purpose of the show. People often criticize ofmd by saying things like “there weren’t enough women, there should’ve been more women characters”. Our flag means death is a show about (and I’ll say this again) masculinity, and the many ways someone can be a man. So of course, most of the characters are men. Just because ofmd is a show known for its positive representation doesn’t mean it’s obligated to include every minority that could possibly benefit from that. And I would totally understand if the critic was “Ofmd’s female characters aren’t well written”, but no one’s saying that! The few women characters in ofmd are adored by the fandom and amazingly well written. So I don’t see what the problem is, there are stories about queer women and women of color that focus on the unique experiences and struggles they face, but ofmd isn’t one of those stories, nor did it ever claim to be.

I don’t think Izzy hates Calico Jack like a bunch of the fandom seemed to decide. They obviously have very similar world views and motivations, and at least some history (jack calls Izzy a sentimental bastard, ffs). It’s more likely to me that Izzy sought out Jack’s help trusting that he was putting Ed in good hands then as a begrudging last minute “which one of Ed’s exs is most likely to agree to this” kinda thing.

All of the canon couples in the show got a partially on screen sex scene (even Mary and Doug, c’mon now). When Stede and Ed patch things up and become an actual couple they are 100% going to be at least implied to have had sex, I bet on it

This isn’t a hot take tbh, but it’s pretty funny to mention that my “omg they’re not queerbaiting” moment wasn’t “you wear fine things well” or the ep6 opening monologue or this is happening, no, I was absolutely certain that they weren’t playing around because of the pee scene. You heard me, THE PEE SCENE. The pee scene was my heart stopper

Anyways that’s pretty much all I’ve got at the moment, ik I have more spicy hot smoking takes somewhere in my deteriorating brain but I can’t find them rn, so stay tuned for a part two if I ever decide I want to break tumblr again with my epic never before seen opinions

[realm-sweet-realm]

A Worthwhile Investment, chapter 2

Please enjoy this Shawn x Grant story. It is a part of my canon.

Thankfully, Shawn and Grant were able to sneak out undetected. Shawn knew the warehouse Norman had told them to meet at- the one Lacie worked in, roughly two blocks from the studio and not visible from it. From there, they called a cab to take them to a bar (as Norman had promised and Shawn had reminded him) and declared themselves safe.

“Uh, sorry the raid was a bust,” Shawn said.

“It wasn’t.” Norman held up a set of keys. “I can go anywhere I want in the studio now, whenever. And I saw Sammy Lawrence wearing a Bendy mask. I knew it. I knew he was a part of this. I’m gonna crack this if it kills me.”

“Sure you will,” Lacie drawled. “Mind telling us why this is your choice of hobby? Like, why are you like this?” Shawn could tell that she was using her friendly cold, judgmental tone, which was different from her genuinely cold, judgmental tone. He hoped Norman could, too.

“Like I’d tell you. What, you think I’d ask for your life story just like that?”

“I’ll tell it. I ain’t got nothing to hide. I was born to two crack-addicted pieces of shit, so I learned to rely on the parents of neighbourhood kids on days they decided not to care for me. It was like that basically my entire life before my sister sorted herself out and I moved in with her. But it taught me I could take care of myself, so I didn’t mind moving with Bertrum wherever he went, and I didn’t cry when he retired.”

“And it’s a good thing he retired, or I might not’ve met Lacie when ah did. Bein’ an immigrant, away from home for the first time an’ barely speaking teh language- it woulda been real lonely otherwise. Of course, Ah make friends easy, but I’m still glad she was one'a them.”

Lacie’s sharp eyes landed on Grant. They’d only met once before and neither had been too comfortable with the other. “And what about you, Grant? Anything interesting in your past?”

“Oh, no. Normal upbringing. Parents who loved me. Nothing special.” It was lame, but it was the truth.

The four of them kept chatting for about an hour.

How did I end up surrounded by the three strongest people I know? Grant wondered. Most of his friends growing up had been cousins or kids of family friends, and his social circle hadn’t diversified much since, until he met Shawn and Norman. Comparatively, these three were freaks. But they were all so respectable, and honestly, Shawn and Norman were some of the best friends he’d ever had.

Life in general had given Grant a lot to be thankful for as of late. The early thirties had been hard on him- after the stock market crashed, he’d gone through a job loss, the collapse of his marriage, some domestic abuse, his divorce, and losing custody of his children. But now? Things were alright. He had a new job, and the studio was, generally speaking at least, holding steady financially. Against all odds, his daughters seemed to be fine living with their mother- maybe she had been serious about working on herself for them. Grant cherished the time he did have with them, and though he hated to admit it, he was much happier divorced. And of course, now he had these two. It was while he was there, listening to the three of them talk, that he realized that he was currently the most content he’d been in years.

Shawn had had a few drinks by that point, and leaned on Grant as though he intended to fall asleep on him.

“I think I should take Shawn home. Norman, can we talk about something tomorrow? In the projector booth.”

“Of course,” Norman said. Something in the way he said it told Grant that he already knew what it would be about.

---

“So, what did you want to talk to me about?” Norman asked, as if he didn’t already know.

“It’s about Shawn,” Grant started. How much to say? He figured that Norman knew he was gay- very little escaped Norman’s notice, after all- but maybe Norman was only okay with that because he didn’t act on it.

“You know Sammy Lawrence?” Norman mused, looking through the window into the music room. “For a long time, he was dating his- very much male, I should mention- lyricist. I saw them making out once- this gorgeous pretty boy and this middle-aged marshmallow- I guess love is blind and all that. I’ve got no damning evidence of it, but I’d bet anything that Joey Drew is gay as well. And I could go on! This studio has more queer people than you would believe, and my powers tell me about more than just existential dreads.” There was a pause. Norman turned back to look at Grant. “So. As a living lie-detector, one of the best gaydars you’ll ever see on a straight man, and your best friend of over half a decade who would never betray you... you can tell me anything about what’s going on with him.”

Grant gave a sigh of relief. “I’m so glad you’re okay with this. And yes, I’m considering dating Shawn.”

“Great. He likes you- I could tell.”

“Thanks. But I already knew- he kissed me suddenly about ten days ago. I didn’t know how to react, and I kind of froze up, and I told him that I liked him, but I needed to think about whether we could be together. Up until last night, I thought I’d tell him ‘no-’ I just hadn’t had the willpower to yet. And then I had an epiphany.”

“What was the epiphany?”

“I realized that I respect a bunch of very unconventional people- yourself included- so it’s okay that I’m not perfectly conventional. But... even if it’s not inherently wrong, the idea of acting on it still scares me. If my mother ever found out, it would break her heart. My father would be humiliated if anyone else knew about it, and he might not want to speak to me again. And if it got to my ex-wife, she’d do anything she could to keep me away from my kids- she might even report me. I don’t have to worry about any of that if I don’t act on it. I don’t know... is it even responsible to risk it? These are people I have obligations to. Is it worth it?”

“Well, only you can choose that. But don’t you want a chance at actual love? I mean, I sure like having a loving partner. Why give that up over the risk that someone else might find out?”

“I guess you’re right. Shawn could be my only opportunity for a while. I really don’t know if I want to get involved in whatever culture gay men have going on. If the stereotypes are true, I’d be walking into a group of dangerous people looking to take advantage of a naïve outsider. Of course, they might not be true, but I don’t want to just walk in without knowing. And anyhow, I wouldn’t know how to find anything like that if I tried.”

Norman nodded, taking some time to process everything he’d said. “Alright. Look- you’re overcomplicating a bunch of simple problems by rolling them together into one big problem. Just take it one issue at a time. You want your family to be happy? Make them happy, and don’t worry about something that won’t hurt them. Any partner you might have will know that this kind of thing has to be kept secret, and New York is a big city- you can hide it. You want to date Shawn? Date Shawn. I can tell he makes you happy. You don’t want to get into gay culture without knowing what it’s like? Then don’t. I don’t know anything about their culture, but you have no idea how many gay men are here at Joey Drew Studios. Plenty of people you can ask about it to decide if it’s your thing.”

“Wow. Thank you. You really made that all sound so simple.” Norman had a way of cutting straight to the point.

“Yeah. You’re gonna be okay. Heck, even if you decide not to have a love life after Shawn, I’m glad you’ll be doing it because you’re risk-adverse and not because you’re still ashamed.”

“Thanks again. Now I need to go find Shawn.”

In the end, Grant couldn’t find Shawn before it was time to get back to work, so the next day he left a note in his locker with some flowers. Like a schoolboy. Ridiculous. But that was how Shawn made him feel.

Over the next few years, their relationship went on, and off, and on again. They fought, probably more than the average couple. But overall, they were glad to have each other. It was worth it.    

[bisluthq]

ok so tiny violin and all and I am fully aware of how annoying I'm about to sound here so I apologize in advance. but I'm pretty, right, but it's in the most boring, typical, conventional way. I just look like an instagram influencer or something. like everyone always tells me I'm pretty, but my appearance is the most boring ass type of "pretty" you can get. there's nothing unique or interesting about my face, I feel like I've been copy and pasted. I just look like your typical white female instagram model.

and so I kind of hate the way I look and I feel insecure about my face and my hair, and I've always wanted to look different, but I also keep it to myself because the few times that I've mentioned it, people have thought I was fishing for compliments or whatever

I just see so many beautiful people on a daily basis, and not in the typical conventional way, but in unconventional ways, people with different noses or other features that don't fit the typical beauty standards, and yet they just look so much more interesting and unique to me. their looks have more character, if that makes sense. but I just feel like I look like a default female character from a video game or something

also I get a lot of male attention, but I'm a lesbian, and I feel like girls tend to go for different girls than me, you know? also everyone assumes I'm straight for some reason because apparently I "look straight". I'm not even that femme, I'm more of a tomboy, so it's not because of that, it's just because of my looks

ok annoying first world problems venting over 👌 I do appreciate my face and I appreciate that I fit the typical beauty standards and I recognize I have privilege because of that, but also I just feel basic and boring as fuck on the outside and it's a genuine insecurity of mine. you'll see like 50 other girls who look like me on TV, but like, my friend for example, she's so gorgeous but in an unconventional way and I just would love to look like, a little less conventional I guess.

maybe it's just a case of "the grass is always greener" that I'm feeling, but I just don't like my appearance at all and I get genuinely insecure about it to the point where I don't even like people looking at my face, but I have to pretend I'm confident about my looks so that I'm not seen as like that one annoying attention seeking girl, you know :/

I think it is a grass greener girl but also like... 👀 as a queer woman who’s into like... pretty femme to androgynous girls... you just sound... so extremely hot!? Is that weird? Is it weird to say to an agony aunat but like you do lol.

I think sometimes we’re scared to approach girls like you hence you not getting that much attention from women because of the whole “do I want to be her or be with her?” thing playing up. Like it’s scary and intimidating to try and go up to someone gorgeous and we don’t have the confidence of men and we also don’t even know if the girl would be open to it let alone into us.

So I think maybe be more proactive? Or try go on dates via apps rather than waiting for an in person meeting?

Because yes you sound scary to go up to but also, again, mad hot ❤️

[jaerie]

2019–It’s been quite a year. It went so fast, yet at the same time, I didn’t even remember some of these fics had been posted this year and not many moons before that! Thank you to everyone who read, commented, kudo’d, and supported me this year! Even the smallest things encouraged all the words in all the fics below. 😘

🎥 going live (E,15k,abo) Harry has only done this cam thing a handful of times when another camboy pops in to view his stream and unintentionally stirs things up a bit. Or Louis and Harry are both camboys for some extra cash and meet each other in an unconventional way

🧬 The Post-War BP (E,18k,abo) The eight year war has left the country's birthrate severely stunted with a lack of virile alphas left to bring it back up. To ensure the survival of the country, the government opens The Breeding Program where young omegas can apply to carry an alpha's child in exchange for benefits. Louis' family is struggling and the BP is one of the only ways to secure a roof over their heads. Harry was drafted at the age of eighteen and spent six years of his life defending a country he doesn't recognize when he returns home. The government made the bed but it's Harry that has to lie in it.

🏔 A Long Way From The Top (E,11k) Harry needed to find a purpose in life. Mount Everest wasn't the place he'd expected to find it, but he'd take what he could get. He also hadn't expected to come home with extra baggage.

🧊 Ready, baby?  (E,1k) Harry gets an earring. Louis is the one to do it. Or a pain kink drabble.

🎒 whoops (M,1k) Louis was just trying to get revenge on Niall for the prank he pulled a few months ago. He didn't mean to find himself trapped in the closet while Niall's roommate, Harry, decides it's a self-love kind of night.

🍼 freaks from the internet (E,3k) Harry sells his breast milk to freaks on the internet. Louis turns out to be one of those freaks. He also happens to be Harry's ex.

👭 Sisterwives (E,33k,abo) This was it, the moment Louis had been waiting for his entire life. Giddy excitement bubbled up as he held hands and stared up at his soon-to-be alpha and husband and grinned. The ceremony was small and simple, but Louis didn’t mind. Fresh flowers pinned into his hair and a brand new outfit was all he needed to feel special in front of their few witnesses. It was just some members of his family and a few of the church elders in attendance as was customary for any marriage beyond the first wife within the faith. First wives were the ones to have elaborate weddings with the whole community involved. An alpha’s first wedding was a celebration of an their coming of age, his first steps into fulfilling God’s prophecy. There were many glories for an omega that came with being a first wife but also many responsibilities. Louis had never aspired to be a first wife or even a second. He wasn’t experienced enough to be the leader of an alpha’s many wives and children and he didn’t think he’d be up to the task. Louis was just fine in the position he was stepping into as the seventh. Or Louis thinks he's getting everything he's ever dreamed of. Harry helps him find what makes him truly happy.

🤱🏻 Challenging Nature: A Look Into Male Lactation (E,11k) Even taking into account all the bizarre things Harry has subjected himself to in the past for the sake of an article, Harry has received his strangest assignment yet. It comes up as a random misunderstanding in a meeting and builds into a conversation — can men breastfeed? Internet searches reveal documented cases of male lactation popping up at different times throughout history, but are any of them true? Can a man will himself into lactating? Harry has two months to make it happen.

🤏🏼 tiny exaggeration (E,4k,abo) Louis is frustrated that they've been dating for months and still haven't taken their relationship to the next level. Sometimes the foolishness of the past lingers in the present. Louis wants that to change.

👶🏼 The Time Is Now (M,1k) Louis is mid-one night stand when he finds out he's going to be an uncle in a matter of minutes.

🏨 100ft Away (E,2.5k) Harry opens Grindr for a hookup and ends up with more than he bargained for. It all works out in the end.

👽 enough tin foil for the apocalypse (G,1k) Louis comes home to a tin foil covered house and his boyfriend's secrets

🎵 Everything I need I get from you  (M,10k,abo) In a world where music and sound are just as vital to health as food, Harry is stuck in a town that thinks professional music is a scam and a relationship he never wanted. One chance event changes his life.

🎶 Restless Lane (E,15k,abo) Louis had grown used to his boring life back in Mississippi as a stand-in father figure to his siblings. He never expected his childhood friend to show up on his lawn with the heat of summer or that he would remind Louis how much of himself he'd tucked away and neglected. He also never expected to find himself caught up in a tangled web of feelings or secrets that just might break him. Maybe he had never known Harry at all.

🏋🏻 you got what i need (E,3k) Harry loves his husband Louis, but his personal trainer Liam just gives him something he needs to start his day. Turns out Louis needs the same thing. Oddly enough, they get it from the same source.

🍆 the appointment (M,1k) Louis convinces Harry to make an appointment at a classy brothel. His appointment is with someone named Liam.

⚓️ Into Always (E,4k,abo) Harry finds his ex's knotting dildo and gets a little curious. Louis is more than willing to help out.

🍑 just remember that you did this (E,1.5k) Louis' heat inconveniently hits him at the beginning of his beach vacation. Harry volunteers to help him out but doesn't exactly tell Louis everything.

🐭 Cat & Mouse (E,2k) It's the one day out of the year that Harry doesn't have to hide and can be himself — at least he thought so. Louis is just a little more observant than he anticipated.

🔪 Tonight's the Night (E,21k) Tonight’s the night. The night Harry has been waiting for. Everything has been carefully planned, nothing left to chance, the scene set and waiting for their arrival. It’s time. Harry lives a double life. During the day he's Harry- trusty blood spatter analyst, at night his darkness comes out to play. So far he's been able to act his way through a normal life without drawing attention. What happens when that is no longer the case? Or a Dexter AU where Harry is Dexter, Liam is Doakes, Niall is Masuka and Gemma is Deb.

🏠 I Think You're Already Home  (E,38k,abo) Seeing Louis Tomlinson today, it would be hard to guess that he was ever once a member of the world's most famous boyband. These days he doesn't even the leave his own house. The truth is he can't leave his own house. He can't even remember the last time just standing at an open door didn't send him into a debilitating panic attack. But, against his friend's advice, Louis is ready to add meaning to his life again. He's ready to start a family. So what if he doesn't have an omega? There are plenty of surrogacy services just waiting to help the rich and famous become parents. He just has to find the right one for the job.

🎄 Pretty, Pretty Lights (E,3k,abo) It's the first time Harry and Louis have been home for Christmas together since their parents got married. More importantly, it's the first time they've been home together since they'd presented. They meet up under the glowing lights of the Christmas tree.

👠 High Heels, Red Dress (E,15k) Louis answers the call when Pearl Harbor is attacked and there is no way around it. The United States is at war. Hiding his queer identity isn't so hard until he attracts the attention of a particular soldier. It's all lies and secrets until the war is finally over. Maybe then Louis can finally have his happy ending. It's up to fate to decide.

Buy me a coffee? https://ko-fi.com/jaerie

[bardqueenofgallifrey]

I didn't have a tumblr account in 2013, so I have no idea how the fuck a 53-year-old Sci fi show became part of something as cringe as "superwholock". I mean, I watch Sherlock but damn this match makes no sense. Could you explain to me how it happened please???

Honestly? I don’t know exactly.

I was never really a part of SuperWhoLock, and I don’t think I was on here for the origins either, but whenever it was that I did get on here, I was just a passionate Whovian who also watched and liked Sherlock (these days I’m pretty indifferent about Sherlock one way or another, and give as few shits about Supernatural as I ever did).  

BUT, I’m gonna see if I can try and work out/theorise how SuperWhoLock rose and fell, if only to try and make the point that Doctor Who never deserved to be lumped in with it. Feel free to challenge any points I make, because I’m guessing here. 

although, frankly, this idea of cringe culture is kinda snobby and gross. let people like shit, damn, if they’re not hurting anyone or trying to say Supernatural is the best show ever, who gives a fuck, honestly

Firstly, the thing about Doctor Who is that it has been around for literal multiple decades. Almost fifty four years. It has been around since before some of our parents were born. 

Doctor Who fans were around long before the internet was invented. They were here before, and will be here long after everyone has forgotten what the hell Supernatural ever was. Doctor Who fans are now the ones making Doctor Who. They were the ones who, when it got cancelled, created an entire thriving Audio Drama business through the love of it that still existed everywhere, and they are the ones who brought it back and now create it. They’ve never let it die. 

You know why? Why Doctor Who’s endured, and is so passionately loved by so many, and before all this mess wasn’t any more cringy than being into Star Trek? Because it’s good. 

It is a flawed show, of course (always, somehow, in some way, in ways that vary across different eras), but one that is good in a reckless, nonsensical, optimistic way. No matter the ups and downs of its objective quality, it’s never really lost its heart. 

It is a show with a protagonist that uses words/intelligence/compassion over violence to fight, a show that focuses on telling hopeful adventures that can be watched by children and also inform them of some of the harsher aspects of the world in an interesting way.

Also, it’s always been quite progressive. It had the first female drama producer at the BBC, and a gay Indian director. No one wanted it to succeed and it’s a miracle the show ever got off the ground. 

People like to talk about the “screaming Classic companions” but you know what? Fuck that. The Classic ladies were all wonderful, including the biggest screamers. Susan? The Doctor’s granddaughter, genius, with telepathic abilities and a whole lot of heart. Mel? Computer programmer aka fucking smarty pants, who once flipped the Doctor over her shoulder, and was such a genuinely nice person that it was genuinely impressive. Zoe? Adorable 60′s companion who canonically had a higher IQ than the Doctor. 

Doctor Who ladies have been awesome since the beginning, and calling out misogyny from the beginning. 

(It ALSO had errors of its time, especially an Orientalism issue that is pervasive through a lot of older sci-fi, that can’t and shouldn’t be forgotten either. But that’s for the most part irrelevant to this discussion other than the general whiteness which is still obviously a problem albeit one the show is slowly working on.)

The reboot then brought in (some, not enough) queer characters and main characters of colour, etc, and its general diversity has only been getting better and better on that front for the most part, especially in the last couple of years. 

But anyway, how the hell did it get mixed up with the whole SuperWhoLock mess? 

Well, the reboot brought in a whole new generation of fans, and only got bigger and bigger and bigger, and was peaking RIGHT about when Sherlock aired. 

The Doctor Who and Sherlock crossover is easy enough to work out; they had the same headwriter(s), and they’re both about neurodivergent (coded??) genius white guys that theoretically have a kind of unconventional attractiveness to them. You can see how they drew in the same crowd. 

Now, how the hell Supernatural became a part of that, I’ve no idea. I’ve never been a Supernatural fan (even if I did watch the first four and a half seasons once, more or less enjoy them, but also not find them massively interesting). 

But I’m going to assume it’s because it again involved white guys with Big Emotions, that the fans could thirst over, who were undertaking some larger than life shit. 

My theory is that it, at least partly, was the White Male Slash Fandom. 

You know. That group of mostly straight girls who treat shipping conventionally attractive white men like a fetish and a kink to explore, who will ship basically any two CAWM under the sun if they so much as look at each other. I imagine the Johnlock crowd overlapped with the Destiel and Wincest crowd, and Doctor Who, since it had Ten/Simm!Master (and Eleven/Rory to a lesser extent) as well as some nice hetero ships, kind of got dragged along because almost everyone in the Sherlock fandom was probably in the Doctor Who fandom too. 

You can kind of see how it fits. The Supernatural gang and the Team TARDIS are big damn heroes with a lot of heart, while Sherlock fulfilled the ideal levels of pretentiousness that we all go through in our teenage years. 

Of course, then everyone realised that Supernatural kinda sucks because it’s an incredibly white, incredibly male, incredibly STRAIGHT show that just queerbaits its audience and doesn’t know when to call it quits, and so everyone started jumping ship. 

Then everyone looked at Sherlock, either went “this has its issues but it’s still fun”, “this is QUEERBAITING TOO, WHY WONT JOHNLOCK KISS, FUCK MOFFISS”, or “this is also incredibly white, incredibly male, and incredibly straight, so fuck this also”, and that was it for Sherlock and general opinion too. 

(For the record: Johnlock was not queerbait. Johnlock was an expression of Steven Moffat’s own very intimate, but platonic, friendship with Mark Gatiss, and they explicitly told everyone they were not gonna make it gay. And then the toxic ass fandom, deluded out their minds, started sending Gatiss - an actual gay man - abuse about being “an honorary straight” for not making their fetishised fictional relationship canon, at one point literally the day after the Pulse massacre. Seriously. What the fuck. Never speak about it being queerbaiting ever again and leave Mark Gatiss the fuck alone.) 

Now. Doctor Who had meanwhile been dealing with the changeover of the showrunner. 

Series 5 went down pretty well for the most part, but a lot of people had their issues with Series 6 and Series 7. The fandom had kind of gotten too big, for a show this unconventional. To the point of a lot of people not being able to deal with the distinct change from the style of Russell T Davies, because they weren’t really aware of how the show needs to reinvent itself constantly even on a stylistic level. Because they were treating the show like any other show, when one can’t really do that. 

It was all kind of a mess of:

very mixed fan reception on Series 6

Series 7 being on the weaker side (not as weak as some people who missed the whole point of Clara’s storyline make it out to be, but weak nonetheless, though Moffat has admitted to this and explained it was because he was under so much pressure about the looming 50th anniversary, and like, fuck, fair enough)

people being pissed at Moffat for Sherlock shit

Russell T Davies having done quite a few things in his era that are questionable from a wider Doctor Who standpoint, which Moffat as the Ultimate Who Fan didn’t go along with, only to then receive hate from people who were convinced that if RTD did something it must be right, because they haven’t seen Classic Who or apparently bothered to do a couple of google searches to educate themselves

plus, a few of Moffat’s quotes around 2012ish got taken out of context because he’s a sarcastic little shit who runs his mouth

and so people got the idea that Moffat’s a narcissistic misogynist who “loves white men”

also people confused “plot hole” with “is going to be explained later” and complained about him having plot holes in series 5-7 when really it’s just that he was waiting to tie up all the loose ends in Matt Smith’s finale episode

Anyway, thus began the popular - to this day! - sentiment of thinking that Moffat is one of the worst things to happen to television, or at least Doctor Who (and Sherlock Holmes). 

And so, that was the “downfall” of Doctor Who and SuperWhoLock, so to speak, as all three shows were written off by the wider Tumblr/nerd community as being incredibly cringy. 

Now, to examine it from today’s view, in light of recent series/opinion about the series/the female Doctor reveal. 

The problem is, the general attitude about Moffat - who don’t get me wrong, is far from a flawless writer, or person - has literally reached the point of mass delusion. It’s very clear that literally thousands of people have a completely fictionalised version of him in their heads. 

How do I know this? I saw someone say that a female Doctor was a “defiance of everything the Moffat era stood for”. 

As in, the same Moffat era that, in the last three seasons:

explicitly made the genderfluidity of Time Lords canon (Dark Water/Death In Heaven, World Enough And Time)

changed the Master into a woman (Dark Water)

had the now female Master refer to becoming a woman as an “upgrade” (The Witch’s Familiar)

had a companion’s whole storyline be about “becoming the Doctor” in her own right, with her getting a whole episode of her pretending to be the Doctor, and her flying off in her own TARDIS with a companion of her own in the end of her final episode! (Flatline, Hell Bent)

had ANOTHER companion’s storyline end with her immortal space girlfriend at the console of the TARDIS, offering for her to travel through all of time and space with her in a direct parallel to the Nine/Rose offer from the first episode to the reboot (The Doctor Falls, Rose)

had a Time Lord regenerate from a white guy to a black lady onscreen just to FINALLY shut up people who said race/gender changes couldn’t happen (Hell Bent)

had the Doctor positively reacting to the suggestion that he could be  - or had been - a woman, multiple times (Death In Heaven, World Enough And Time, The Doctor Falls)

Moffat’s era has been statistically proven to have shifted public opinion in favour of a female Doctor (ask @scriptscribbles, if you want proof), thanks to the above. 

Simm!Master: “She? Is the future going to be all girl?” 

Twelve: “We can only hope.” 

Also, Moffat wrote Lumley!Doctor in The Curse of Fatal Death in 1999. He’s been pushing for a female Doctor for 18 damn years. 

So, the idea that anyone thinks he’s against it, as opposed to having explicitly worked to help make it happen for years, shows that the general opinion of him is literally a mass fictionalisation/delusion. 

(It’s just one example, but there are hundreds of others, like how everyone seems to think he thinks of himself as The Greatest Ever and having a huge ego, when he’s literally one of the most self-deprecating people ever, if you watch him in an interview. He’s openly admitted to mistakes he’s made on his time on the show, such as the way he handled the scene at the end of Flesh and Stone, and how Series 7 wasn’t his best because of the pressure he was under about the upcoming 50th anniversary; he is aware of his fallibility.) 

He’s not a perfect person, or writer, and no one knows that better than him. There’s a lot of critical discussions we could have about his writing, and there are a fair few actual problems with it, just as there are in the RTD era, and every damn era of Who that has existed. I’m not saying everybody has to like it, because every era of Doctor Who is down to personal preference, and that’s fine. There are plenty of rational, well-informed people, fans and otherwise, who have their -often sound - reasons for not liking Moffat and/or his era of Who in general. I am friends with some of them. 

But those rational, well-informed people are like, 5% of the people who otherwise make up a sea of loud, ignorant delusion that condemns Doctor Who under Moffat’s direction and downright refuses to acknowledge some of the amazing stuff it’s done in the last few years. 

(Like, Series 10 featured a black lesbian co-lead who got a happy ending, leaving the Moffat era finishing strong on six canonically sapphic women, four of whom are still alive, none of whom died pointlessly or without agency, and three of whom are immortal or close enough, in a time when all other TV sapphics are dropping dead like flies. It also had the Doctor punch a racist in the face and comment on how history is whitewashed, and had an episode slamming capitalism. Plus, the finale canonised that Time Lords don’t view gender the same way, reinforcing canon genderfluid Time Lords.)  

Between his second and third seasons of DW being divisive and/or a bit weak, all the Sherlock shit going down, and the fall of Supernatural, and the issue of people taking RTD Who as the baseline for everything Doctor Who when they really shouldn’t have, anti-Moffat sentiments got so big that masses of people fell off the show, and continue to refuse to acknowledge that he might have done anything worthwhile with it since they left. That he might, as a person, have developed and improved. 

And so, that is potentially how Doctor Who got lumped in with SuperWhoLock, labelled “not progressive”, and considered “cringy” to this day. 

Or at least, that’s my theory, as someone who wasn’t really paying a lot of attention, but knows her Doctor Who. 

[filmpeaks66]

On Moonlight (2016)

[This review was originally written two months ago, due to the Oscar controversy and all that matter, we decided that there is no better time to publish it than today].

Valeria:

After a month of waiting for the screeners to come out and two weeks for me to, finally, get them, my boy Alex and I watched Moonlight. We've already seen several screeners, but Moonlight was the one I was waiting for the most.

Alex:

I’m sorry Gosling, but it also was the one I was waiting for the most. After watching La La Land and (preparing to fight everyone) get a bit disappointed, we were curious about whether or not Moonlight would be the movie of the year.

Valeria:

You really had to unnecessarily bring Ryan Gosling?

Alex:

Always. It’s why I made you watch his filmography with me.

Valeria:

You're lucky Leonardo was busy fighting global warming last year.

Alex:

I am! But, back to the topic. Moonlight, Moonlight, Moonlight… Did it live up the hype?

Valeria:

At first, I was a little skeptical about it, but thinking about how ambitious it was to make a movie like that got me excited, and now, I can say that Moonlight was what 2016 needed.

Alex:

To be honest, a "gay black coming of age drama" is not exactly what would move audiences, but describing it that way, as many do, would be like describing Brokeback Mountain as "gay cowboys who have an affair".

Valeria:

What do you mean it wouldn’t exactly "move audiences"?

Alex:

Talking in terms of Box Office only, I don’t think Moonlight is the “you have to watch this!” kind of film.

Valeria:

Yes, most likely for its simplicity, but it happened to be another one of those "low budget" films with unexpected box office success. I’m going to make everyone go watch it.

Alex:

Exactly.

Valeria:

But talking in different terms from box office, its critique of masculinity is similar to the one made by Brokeback Mountain in 2005, and I have the feeling that it will cause the same impact, in a different area: the “black male” stereotype.

Alex:

This is something that we had never seen before. A story told in three different acts, with three different performers, trusting that the viewer will connect with the character and not just with the actor, which is both risky and unconventional. I think it worked out perfectly though.

Valeria:

The fact that Moonlight is a about the life of a black, bullied, gay boy makes it intricate enough to develop, but it certainly turned out to be a great analysis of character and a moving story at the same time.

Alex:

It’s amazing how the cinematography speaks for itself in more than one scene.

Valeria:

The camera angles made the film feel quite natural! And the script, subtle, just like the protagonist, managed to reveal the qualities of each character.

Alex: 

Yes! Those POV shots of the mom and Kevin, sometimes with desynchronized audio also created a great effect.

Valeria: 

The editing worked as a complement to the strong performances of the cast.

Alex:

One of the most memorable scenes was in the third act, when Kevin called Chiron on the phone. You could see in his face everything that had happened to him between the two spaces in the second and third story.

Valeria:

Also, when Juan teaches Little how to swim, which by the way, was happening in real life. I think the water touching the camera was a nice touch, scenes like that one help the audience to become a part of the character's world.

Alex:

An interesting thing is that even if we separate each one of the acts into "shorts", let's say, they keep its own narrative perfectly. They don’t depend on the previous story told. What do you think?

Valeria:

They would keep their own narrative perfectly. Although, I think the acts were separated that way because of the protagonist’s absence of identity. His three stages were based on nicknames imposed to him by third parties, and we can tell that Little, Chiron and Black are three different personas, but they are so closely intertwined, that even if I agree in technical terms, I don’t think it would’ve had the same insight, which was what made it special.

Alex:

Wow, that’s incredible. I have to admit that I had not seen it that way. I totally agree.

Valeria:

The person he tries to become isn’t even that convincing for us to ignore that something’s not well, and while we watch the third act, we’re all lowkey waiting for Kevin to ask him “who you is, man?”.

Alex:

And the visuals, again, are a very strong support of what we’re saying.

Valeria:

The visuals stole the show. The color balance (their clothes even combined with their food!) contrasted the protagonist’s mental imbalance. On the other hand, the score was on point, quite dramatic.

Alex:

The score made a perfect combination with the cinematography. I thought the night shots of the third act were amazing.

Valeria:

We haven’t spoken enough about the three-act structure. The introduction of characters felt pretty natural, despite it revolving around a coincidence. It didn’t leave you thinking it happened all of sudden, and it never felt too long.

Alex:

The opening of each one of the acts was excellent, and the supporting actors were amazing. Mahershala Ali’s exit from the story was very well handled, although I expected to see him a bit more, and Naomie Harris had the role of her life, just seeing her going up the stairs, I totally believed her performance.

Valeria:

I was hoping to see Mahershala more too.

Alex:

And I think that’s my only critique, which I can’t even categorize as criticism because nor structurally nor plotwise it was wrong. It’s just a personal nitpick.

Valeria:

The first act of the movie is a good reflect of how events that happen during our childhood can affect our lives, and how a small detail, a phrase or a person can follow us during decades. That’s what Moonlight was about. Little wasn’t precisely fortunate, but he was living inside a bubble that exploded when Juan told him that he sold drugs to his mother. From that scene, a more aware but still scared teenager came out.

Alex:

You couldn’t have said it better. In the way the second act ends, we can see the transiction of a character that, at first, looks different, but it’s really the same.

Valeria:

He’s terrified and confused. He doesnt want to be him anymore. We know what he has gone through, but the people around him don’t. This is evidenced when the school’s counselor advices him to press charges against the bullies, and Chiron, crying his heart out, tells her “you just don’t know!“ Amazing performance by Ashton Sanders, kinda reminded me of Hilary Swank in Boys Don’t Cry.

Alex:

I like that.

Valeria:

I have a theory, by the way!

Alex:

Go on, I want to know.

Valeria:

In a certain way, Chiron’s character is influenced the most by the only person who can get a smile from him: his friend Kevin. When they were kids, he advised him to show the bullies that he had courage so they would stop picking on him, no matter if he didn’t truly have the guts ”it don’t mean nothing, if they don’t know”. I think that line foreshadowed the last scene of the second act, and when they met again on the third, we see Chiron trying to show Kevin how he had “straighten up”. Perhaps because he thought he was expecting that from him, but to his surprise, Kevin tells him “I wasn’t expecting this” and starts to talk about how he had spent his whole life trying to be someone he wasn’t. In that instant, Chiron realized that he didn’t have to keep pretending any longer, and let his inner child talk: “You’re the only man that’s ever touched me”. A powerful scene. You may think Moonlight is about the loss of innocence but it’s more about the preservation of it.

Alex:

“You’re the only man that’s ever touched me” was one of the most shocking lines ever. I loved your opinion and I totally agree that the last scene, the last shot, shows exactly that.

Valeria:

The way Jenkins dealt with the whole subject of two black men who knew that they were more than friends but never said it explicitly was outstanding. The jukebox scene was brilliant, the look in their eyes, the lyrics of the song. It told us everything without a word between them.

Alex:

Yes! Remember what I told you after finishing the movie, that there wasn’t a moment where he tried to sexualize their relationship.

Valeria:

Something very uncommon in queer films nowadays. It reminded me of My Own Private Idaho because of the use of audiovisuals and the protagonist in search of identity and a home. I also thought it was cool how the movie didn’t treat its subjects in a moral way and it still caused controversy.

Alex:

That’s a very nice comment, but how could’ve been handled that way?

Valeria:

A moral message could have been exposed to the audience during the story in a explicit way. but the screenplay remained neutral. I don’t think someone came out of the cinema thinking it was « too much » or that it tried too hard to give a message of « acceptance ». It actually normalized it, maybe that’s why some people got bored.

Alex:

Got your point, and along everything you’ve said, I totally agree. Nothing felt forced, nothing remained too much time, nothing was given too much importance. I think we’ve said enough about why this is our favorite film of the year and why we bet that it will win the Oscar.

Valeria: 

We saw Chiron grow up and Moonlight will keep growing inside us. The fact that this movie is receiving so much deserved attention broke paradigms, it’s a masterpiece that, without a doubt, will mean a lot to the future of the industry.

[afearing]

since apparently theres no consequences for delivering unto this website extremely long and good takes i will present to you my hot take on the ace d'escourse, with no sources because I Dont Feel Like It. its more words than is reasonable bc i have been stewing in this for like 4 years and if i dont type it out at some point im going to fucking lose it. no, literally, it’s 3 pages long in word about shit no one cares about anymore. please remember to like and subscribe.

some background on me, i id’d as ace for something like 8 years, from the first time i read the wikipedia page on it back in maybe 2009 or thereabouts. i also id’d as aro for about a year in 2016. that is to say, i have a lot of compassion and understanding for asexual individuals and feel i understand the inclusionist side of the argument pretty well, as i never questioned inclusionism until maybe 2014 or so, when the discourse blew up. i took some time off tumblr because i was so fucking distraught to think that, as i id’d as aroace at the time, that i had to come to terms with not being lgbt. lol i was a little too attached to being ‘gay’ because... fun fact, past dumbass self... you are gay. anyway, i really dont want anyone to feel that i hate them, but after i cooled off a little bit i realized that the exclusionist take on asexuality just makes more sense. hopefully i can explain why clearly enough.

i really believe that what is understood as aphobia is 100% of the time simply a manifestation of our culture’s expectations surrounding sexuality. while “expectations surrounding sexuality” as a very broad topic does indeed cover both the lgbt community and people on the ace spectrum, facing these issues does NOT make a person lgbt. i subscribe to the idea that lgbt is for people targeted directly by homophobia and transphobia. ace issues ARE super important to talk about and the whole inclus/exclus nonsense is entirely because this discourse has been put under the wrong category. im aware that probably most people will not care that much about my opinion on the correct framing of asexual activism as i no longer id as ace but i think this is important for everyone. sexual expectations also weigh on straight individuals, especially women, and i’m going to describe a few examples to try to demonstrate why i believe both that it doesn’t make sense to consider asexuality lgbt as well as why it does make sense to frame it as an issue based mainly in misogyny.

call out post for myself, i use reddit, and i think the r/childfree community is a good example of what i think the framing should be like. although it’s acknowledged that not wanting children has larger social consequences for women, both men and women talk about their issues in the forum, including horrific accounts of reproductive coercion and rape, the intersections with race/being lgbt/ageism (although they could do a LOT better with intersectionality, many posters do touch upon it), profoundly cruel comments made by those who have/want children, difficulty finding an understanding relationship partner, discrimination at work, misunderstandings and even hatred from family and acquaintances, discrimination in healthcare, etc.

i think you can tell where i’m going with this. even though being childfree cuts against the expectations for sexuality in most societies, even though it leads to unfair judgment from others, and even though they face discrimination on the basis of the way they express their sexuality, childfree people do NOT frame parenthood/childfreedom as an axis of oppression, nor do they claim that their lack of desire for children makes them lgbt. it’s not even a question if straight childfree people are straight, because duh? nor if the presence of lgbt childfree people makes the whole community fall under the lgbt umbrella, because it obviously doesn’t.

to drive the point home, the reason why this is NOT an axis of oppression is because parents face a ton of issues as well! they also face reproductive coercion as well as judgment over the number of kids they have, constant scrutiny and moralization over every aspect of their parenthood style, judgment based on parents’ age/wealth/sexuality/marital or dating status/race, housing and employment discrimination, especially for mothers, the government hating poor parents and cutting their benefits, and more i’m sure i’m not thinking of. again, this is due to societal expectations of sexuality. to complete the analogy, people who aren’t ace face their own set of challenges and discrimination. part of homophobia/biphobia is tinged with hatred of our sexual attraction; no one except for straight white men is allowed to really express their sexuality without backlash, and even then there is this shame leading to a lack of proper sex ed and horribly unhealthy understandings of sexual attraction in a large portion of the populace. so calling aphobia an axis of oppression is just not right. and in addition, the large proportion of lgbt aces doesn’t make asexuality lgbt, that’s not how groups work.

some more on what i mean by ‘expectations around sexuality’... in terms of my experience in the US, there is some blueprint in many people’s minds of what a person should be like in terms of sexuality, and that is something like “cishet, abled man, who is neither ace nor aro, who gets laid regularly (but not to excess) starting no later than 18 and ending no later than 28 when he settles down with one cishet abled wife, also neither ace nor aro, who has only had sex with up to three committed boyfriends, and they have precisely two children, approximately two years apart in age, whom the parents can financially and emotionally support to the utmost, because they are also moderately to very well off, and the parents work under traditional gender roles to raise their children as conventionally as possible.” and if you deviate from this script in ANY way that’s viewed with moral panic and scrutiny by someone. and the connection to misogyny is that women are seen as sort of the bastions of sexual morality. we are punished especially harshly for nonconformity.

if you’re poor you’re fucked because either you don’t have kids or you can’t send them off to private schools and feed them fancy organic shit. if you’re lgbt or polyamorous or aro or ace? fucked! if you dare to reproduce as a disabled person, and if your disability impacts your parenthood, especially for women, you’re practically crucified even in liberal circles. if you have too few kids or too many (don’t you know only kids turn out weird? / how can you possibly raise 5 children properly?), if you have too much sex or too little, if you split up the work in your relationship not along gender lines, if you do unconventional things in your parenthood, like accept your trans kids or move a lot or any number of other things, the social judgment rains down like the fires of fucking hell. meaning practically no one can escape it!! huge bonus to the screaming crowd with pitchforks if you’re a person of color or a woman, mega ultra bonus to women of color.

but does that make everyone i just talked about lgbt? no! although every single one of the groups i mentioned is tangentially related through this issue, even though all of them face a lot of horrible problems and discrimination, that does not make those issues inherently lgbt. again, they are tangentially related and i could see a good case for solidarity among many of the groups mentioned; all of them are fighting for greater acceptance of different kinds of relationships, greater acceptance of seeking happiness and being who you are rather than pressuring everyone to conform as much as possible to the LifeScript. but all of those groups are equally related to the lgbt community - that is, tangentially only. just as you can be childfree and straight, a stay-at-home dad and straight, a straight woman of color, so too can you be polyamorous and straight, ace and straight, or aro and straight.

that’s it for my main point. ace and aro people? your lives are hard. i’m not going to downplay it in any way because i know there are a lot of people who actually hate your guts. fuck, i’ve seen people full-on shittalk asexuality, in the internet and real life, in the most blatant of ways, so it’s not just something you can necessarily escape by logging off. not as much so for aro people tbh but i predict as much once the Public gets more wind of your existence. i fully believe that you face a higher risk of sexual assault; discrimination in relationships, housing, and the workplace; horrible comments from everyone who thinks their shitty opinion on your sexuality and love life matters; and I believe you that that hurts and is terrible and that you deserve a place to discuss and provide support.

but. those issues are not exclusive to you. they’re not exclusive to lgbt people, or oppressed people, and so those issues don’t and cannot make you lgbt, nor do they make ace/aro vs. allo an axis of oppression. our communities intersect, yes, considerably, but you are not a subset of lgbt. perhaps our rhetoric can help you, but because straight ace and aro people exist you cannot and should not consider yourselves lgb+. i think you understand that the issues you face are a form of oppression, but they are the result of the toxic and misogynistic sex culture in this society, which, yes, targets lgbt people but also, practically everyone, including groups which are definitively absolutely not inherently lgbt, such as parents, gnc straight people, poc, disabled people, the list goes on.

to conclude, what really converted me to being an ace exclusionist was the example of a straight grey or demi ace. how could you possibly argue that someone who falls in love with the opposite gender only, but with more conditions or less frequently than someone not aspec, is lgb+, can call themselves queer, etc.? exactly what material reality does that person share with a gay or bi person? i think that their issues fall in line with aspec community issues but extremely clearly not at all with lgbt ones. 

the end but post script since i brought up orientation modifiers: perhaps it isn’t my place to say, but i don’t think that microlabels are very healthy and that it would make more sense for the ace community to work on expanding the idea of what sexuality is than to try to create a label to describe every single person’s experience of their sexuality. not that i think you should necessarily kick grey ace people out of the aspec community or that they’re not valid or whatever, but that perhaps it makes more sense to say that some people experience sexual attraction less frequently, and that’s alright. i don’t know.  i spent sophomore year of high school poring over those mogai blogs looking for some new orientation label that would make me go like, oh my god that’s me! and believing that if those labels helped people feel that way they weren’t doing any harm. but what actually finally made me feel like that was expanding my understanding of what attraction is and a better conception of lesbian issues and why i might feel so disconnected from my sexuality and why i might be obsessing over every interaction with a guy looking for signs i was attracted to him but feel super disgusted whenever they exhibited interest in me. i spent so long trying to go like maybe im cupioromantic lithsexual and feeling terrified that that i had such a weird and esoteric sexuality that no one could ever possibly understand enough to be in a relationship with me... like, ok dyke! i know a lot of people have had similar experiences and i don’t think i know a whole ton of people now in college who are still doing that, which makes me think those labels are more harmful than not. 

i guess that’s anecdotal but it’s easier for me to believe that a person could cling to those labels due to internalized homophobia than actually have a new form of sexuality heretofore undiscovered throughout all human history, but that’s just me. and so many of them just sound so unhealthy, like dreadsexual. i really wish people would work on expanding what not being asexual can mean and look like and i dont think there would be this drive to create these labels anymore. even demisexual which i think is probably the most mainstream conditional orientation, i think many people who have never heard of it and are perfectly content not to would describe the way they experience sexuality a similar way and just consider it normal. sexual attraction isn’t necessarily having your nethers set aflame upon first making eye contact with someone, it looks different for every person and it’s alright to just be how you are without making it part of your whole identity.

The End II. this is 2,200 words. if you read this far you’re a fucking mad l- *the academy cuts my mic line while looking directly at the camera like in the office*

[saintorr]

“Eyes” c. 2016 by Saintorr

The last time I’d slept with a guy must have been four or five years ago. My interest in Shamanism had led me to join to LGBT friendly, five day workshop run by a pleasant but effeminate group leader at Easton Mountain in Upstate New York. There I met Daniel, one of the participants. He was a big, broad shouldered, straight-acting Jewish lawyer from Montreal. He was also my roommate for the full five days. On the second evening of the workshop, we were sharing one of the small single beds in our private room. Big men always made me feel safe and protected. Further, I was mesmerized, and became faint when Daniel spoke French to me. His deep, masculine voice and the innate sensuality of the language, the sheer yearning of it, instantly made me hard and ready to cum all night. As the workshop progressed during the day, so at night did our male bonding. On our third evening together, while lying in his arms, I told him a story.

“There was a pet shop I used to pass by every Wednesday, on the ten minute walk from the Eastchester Road subway stop to my gig doing massage at Calvary Hospital. There were hundreds of birds in the big, storefront window. They were mostly parakeets, sleeping, fighting, scolding, playing, and eating; a never-ending carnival of small, feathered clowns, each their own independent bird-self. It made happy to stop in front of the window and just watch their shenanigans and it was a break from the chronically depressed Bronx neighborhood all around me. To one side of the parakeets, there was a huge, parrot on fire with colors, a big, yellow, beak and brilliant, green, psychedelic, jeweled eyes…those eyes, so stark and alive…like the eyes of a pterodacty I saw on my spirit journey today!” We both laughed. “Who said a spirit journey animal couldn’t be extinct?” said Daniel with his deep, French accent. “I’m just realizing that now, wow--I guess mine definitely is. Probably because I have something in common with extinct creatures, or at least dinosaurs.” “How’s that?” Daniel said caressing my chest.

“Well, I guess because I’m becoming older. I’m a survivor, a loner and I’m definitely not your typical New York queer. More than that I feel like a dinosaur among younger gays and the general populace. “Well, I’m glad your self-image doesn’t discriminate!” said the other man, “and I have to say you’re the hottest Daddy I’ve ever met!” “Thanks” I said, laughing. “I live a pretty unconventional life, I mean look at me; sixty plus years old and riding my bike all over the city like a 20-year-old. And I love biking, it makes me feel so free, like flying. And so good for the reflexes. Oops, there’s that bird thing again!” Daniel looked at me with one raised eyebrow. “Okay part terrifying and part spontaneous, like I can swoop down and take anything I want; then fly away like a great, big, terrifying, funny leather-winged bird. Like a pteradactyle! A clown. Did you ever see their heads? They have heads like long, pointed swords or stakes. A ferocious clown, that’s me.  Wow, yeah…those brilliant, green eyes of the parrot were the exact same eyes of the pterodactyl, the spirit guide animal I saw today in the workshop.” I nestled deep in Daniels arms and chest. The twin, single bed could barely hold us. I frequently felt like I was on the verge of falling out, unless he was holding onto me. We were like one body in that tiny bed. Silence. Then Daniel said “You live a pretty lonely life. It’s brave to do massage around dying people, I mean to be to deal with that when probably most masseurs are working in spas, making rich ladies feel pampered.”

“Thanks, yeah. Sometimes the patients haunt me when I take their memories home with me. Sometimes I can’t quite let go of the things they say; like facing the horror of the decay of their loved ones…awful stuff...Anyway then, one Wednesday, passing by the pet shop, I stopped in front of storefront window to see it covered with a giant, metallic shutter with a huge “For Sale” sign hanging in the middle of it. I got scared and angry then. For some reason I pictured the hundreds of parakeets still in there! Behind the shutters, behind the storefront window, still and silent and frightened in the cold dark, unable to feel the daylight; cold, some of them maybe starving or dying of thirst.” I began crying now lying in the other man’s arms. “All that beautiful, joyful life of the small, happy budgies, now imprisoned, entombed in a dark crypt, victims of the monster death. And the gorgeous parrot with the brilliant, green eyes, gone, sold or somewhere in the dark, it’s jeweled eyes smothered by the lack of light. People didn’t care, passing by. But I cared as I stood there. I cared. It was fucked up. Then it hit me; the monster, death. Death was the horror that stopped things, death was the storefront shutter that locked out life, it was the metal trap that killed off joy and beauty.” He cried and cried in Daniel’s strong, bear-like arms. “And in a way, I was serving death, giving comfort to people dealing with the cutoff of the storefront shutter; dealing with the unchanging end of everything that comes to everyone at Calvary, that comes to everyone everywhere always. That’s what death is, it’s the monster that ends it all.” Daniel held me close and listened to me cry. Then he said “But couldn’t it be the beginning too? Couldn’t death be the beginning of a whole new experience for all the birds, and people…some kind of step into the next place, the next world, a whole new dimension? Why does it just have to be the end? Couldn’t it also be some kind of next stage?” I reflected on this and it soon passed out of my mind as we made love in the water of tears warming our faces and bodies like rain or ocean waves, as the moon rose over the large bunkhouse and woods on the grounds of Easton Mountain. Our fluids mixed, like sacred things, mingling with cum like briny sea foam then drying like flaky, morning dust placed in our eyes by some hunky, gay dark Sandman looking like a shade or a Mr. Clean.

 For the rest of retreat, we slept together until finally by the last day, we had used each other up and our sexual fire grew cold. We emailed a few times after the workshop, then lost contact. That was the last time I’d slept with a guy in the same bed, the last time I had someone’s arms around me as I cried and dreamed and felt how good a stream of romantic, French murmurings could ease a veil of suffering and transform pain into a place of comfort. I loved being lost in that shared sensuality of both feeling and sex. That must have been about four years ago now, though it seems more like twenty or thirty.