#men at arms is very fun i CANT BELIEVE i never read it before

[kimodraw]

im getting back into discworld, i wish rincewind was in the back of all the books eating mashed potatoes and avoiding the action

[suwbuns]

E-DATERS! | #1 men hater

SYPNOSIS. moving back to korea from america, y/n is excited to reunite with her old friends and make new ones. what she doesnt expect is to find herself reuniting with her “ex-boyfriend” from 10 years ago who she dated over minecraft. what makes things worse? he happens to be her favorite streamer who she has been pinning after for years.

written chapter + screenshots below! (not proof read)

beomgyu had never felt this fearful in his life.

of course, he had his honorable mentions. such as when he accidentally sent a kid to the nurses office for pushing him off the swingset in the fourth grade, resulting in his mom taking away his computer for two weeks.

there had also been the time when he overslept and ended up missing his csat, fearing he wouldnt be able get into college. not that it mattered anyways considering he dropped out 3 months into his classes.

and most recently, when he had accidentally made fun of a streamer with almost 4 times the following he had, causing a terrible fan war over twitter with the hashtag #CANCELBEOMGYU trending for an entire week.

but yet none of them, could ever compare to the amount of fear that he had felt at this very moment.

because absolutely nothing could be worse than a plummeting ego and pure embarrassment to be the consequences of his actions, in which you managed to figure him out with not even a week that has passed.

as his body turned cold and his hands clammy at your follow up question, beomgyu mustered all the strength that he had in order to press the mute button on his keyboard, before letting out an ear piercing scream.

“how are we going to fix this?!” he cried out, burrowing his face in his hands.

“dont worry, this is fixable!” heeseung nervously laughed. “i can just make up some lame excuse and—“

“why did you mute?” your voice had interrupted, heeseung giving beomgyu an unsure glance before pressing the unmute button.

"sorry, my dog started to bark really loudly," heeseung replied, giving beomgyu the side eye. "miss me?"

beomgyu's mouth pressed into a thin line as he stared blankly at heeseung who held in his laughter at your stuttering protests.

"your solution is flirting with her?" beomgyu mouthed questionably, his lips molding into a grimace.

“just trust me” heeseung mouthed back, returning his attention back to you to attempt to get your mind off of the previous slip up.

however, beomgyu in fact did not trust him nor had any reason to considering it was him who had gotten in this situation. yet, he leaned against the backrest of his chair nervously knowing that there was nothing he could do. his mouth went dry as he sat thinking about every single possible scenario that could come out of this, hardly any of them with a good ending.

“i need to go to the restroom, ill be back!” you said, allowing beomgyu to sigh in relief. “but dont think that i forgot about how you knew about beomgyu.” following your sentence, the mute icon appeared next to your username, causing beomgyu to leap up in his chair to mute his mic as well.

“okay new plan, how about we gaslight her? we can say that she told me but she just forgot?” beomgyu brought up excitedly.

“do you remember what last happened when you gaslighted a girl? you almost got cancelled—“

“okay nevermind!” beomgyu grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. “or how about we just say its a lucky guess? i mean i do have a pretty large following, it wouldnt be that hard to guess that!”

“beomgyu you cant expect her to believe that. your ideas are almost as stupid as the one that we are currently in!” heeseung replied in annoyance, turning his suggestion down almost instantly.

“fine!” beomgyu threw his hands in the air, running his fingers through the strands of his hair in frustration. “why dont we just admit that i am beomgyu, we reveal this whole entire plan, and—“

“you can not be backing out now!”

“well what else can i do?!”

“i dont know, something! youre thought she was easy to get with because shes obsessed with you!”

beomgyu paused for a second, an idea lighting up in his head as he heard the latter of heeseungs sentence. his fingers were working faster than his brain, as it automatically reached for his phone to press on the twitter application to search for your private account.

“you didn't tell me she was that obsessed,” heeseung said, peeking over beomgyus shoulder to take a quick glance at his phone, catching sight of the manifestations of 'marrying beomgyu' on your bio and your header. “you sure this isnt a fan account?”

“no, its definitely her.” beomgyu said, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “new plan. we tell her we stalked her account!”

“can you imagine how humiliated she's going to feel?” heeseung replied, his mouth twisting into a frown. "i want to get out of this situation as much as you do, but the last thing i want to do is make her feel like crap for being a fan."

“oh please, it cant be that deep," beomgyu emphasized. "her being exposed would just leave her with embarrassment for at most, a week. but if I'm exposed? i cant let myself suffer like that!"

“man i really do hope that yeonjun kicks your—“

“im back!” you announced, causing heeseung and beomgyu to jump in their seats at the abrupt noise.

“oh hi!” heeseung beamed after unmuting himself, giving beomgyu one final glance before resuming. “also, i know this might be embarrassing, but I found out about beomgyu through your private twitter.”

“what was that?!” beomgyu whispered-yelled, his eyes wide in judgment. “you could have given her a chance to breathe instead of violating her right when she got back!”

"i was just following what you told me to say!" heeseung replied defensively.

"yeah, but not like that!"

as beomgyu and heeseung continued to argue amongst themselves, what they failed to catch was the sound of you leaving the call, snapping the both of them out of their heated conversation.

the two simultaneously glanced at both monitors, eyeing the leave message from the game, as well as the fact that you were no longer present in the call.

“did she just leave?”

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TAGLIST. @openingssequence @suburbiataehyung @shinypieceofgarbage @koeuh @captivq @beowmgyu @qluvrv @ikaeryn @whippedforbeomgyu @i8lhee @heyanonymous123 @vanicogh @sulliefimmie @tae-ology @milkycloudtyg @ox1-lovesick @soobsfairy444 @sulliefimmie @jaxavance @peachenle @pokyloky @peachybeom @alpha-mommy69 @fatoompie @ashxxgyu @soobsdior @viagumi @rikismiel @luvsoobs @lovejunz @wccycc @enha-cafe @kaeslily @hiddenboopy @cashew00nut @merendis @reverbtunes @lcvesickgyuzz @dear-dreamie @fragmentationss @chuuinggummy @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs @beomsbeanie @shigamiryuk @soobliss @woncheecks @sserafimez @ahnneyong @ghostfacefricker6969 @flrtsbin @beomomb @cathaerin (closed)

A/N. kind of a mid chapter but anyways beomgyu is a red flag smh

AND SORRY IF THERES SM WRITTEN CHAPTERS IM TRYING TO INCORPORATE MORE SOCIAL MEDIA 😭

[kiribaku-queen]

Head Canons: Jealous of their dance partner

Pairings: Akaashi x reader, Bokuto x reader, Kuroo x reader, Kenma x reader, Atsumu x reader, Oikawa x reader, Iwaizumi x reader

Fluff

A/N: So sorry that this is so late! I’ve never done headcanons before so i was really nervous to do these. I hope they meet your expectations! Some were really fun to do and others were a bit challenging because I didn’t want them to be similar to each other. I tried to keep each person’s unique. Also changed the prompt just a little! Maybe if this does well, I’ll do more headcanons? i’m not sure! Enjoy and happy reading!

Akaashi

Would be calm and collected on the outside but lets be honest, he’d be RAGING on the inside

I don’t know why, but his s/o doing ballet

So when he picks you up from practice one day, he sneaks a peak at your upcoming showcase performance

But… who the hell is this guy next to you?

And why is he touching your waist like that?!

Akaashi would be standing by the doorway, with his hands crossed, eyebrow twitching in annoyance

When practice is over, you skip into his arms

Of course you earn a loving smile in return but when your partner passes, best believe this boy is glaring at said man

Performance day comes and I can just imagine him snatching the best seats in house with a bouquet of your favorite flowers in hand

When you come on stage, you have his full attention

His eyes are shimmering with admiration and pride for you

But is quickly replaced with a scowl when he sees your partner

Cue twitching eyebrow

But OOF does this performance require close contact and almost kissing

Wtf, Akaashi doesn’t remember this when he watched your practice?!

Despite how monotone his expression is all the time, you can tell when somethings bothering him

So when you greet him after your performance, you see it right away that hes bothered by something and you already know why

“baaaabe, you know its not like that! It’s only dancing, nothing more” you reassured him

And he knows that

But that doesn’t stop him from staring down your partner as he passes

Bokuto

You already KNOW this man gets jealous and he shows it

That sad puppy face, those droopy eyes, and his deflated hair

Its cute but also sad at the same time

He wouldn’t know about your routine until the day of the performance because he wanted to be surprised

But as soon as he saw how close you and your partner had to be

His smile went from 😊 to 😐in a split second

I can already hear his friends laughing at him in the background

What’s even worse to him

Its not even that your close to your partner

Nope

It’s the fact that you look like your enjoying it

Hes squinting hard because did he see that right?

Hes so deep in his jealousy that he doesn’t even realize that youre only doing it to look believable to save your grade

You all know those type of teachers

When youre done with your performance, you go to find your boyfriend in the sea of people

You cant help but stifle a chuckle when you see his looking down

Youre fixing his hair, as one would do

But as soon as your dance partner comes into view, hes pulling you into his arms and you best believe you are staying there

Hes wants to make it crystal clear that you are taken

Youd have to spend the rest of the day cheering him up because his mind always goes back to your routine

Kuroo

Ahhhh this man

I am in love with this man

This man is the most supportive boyfriend

Right when you get on stage, he is screaming and I mean S C R E A M I N G your name

Everyone in the audience looks at him like

Who the fuck invited this man

He is so hype during your performance and is so proud of how much you improved throughout the semester

Everything is fine and dandy until he sees your dance partner pull you close to him and your faces almost touch

His heart dropped to his stomach

Like ouch

He wasn’t expecting that

hes the only one that’s allowed to have you that close but seeing that someone else that he doesn’t even know if basically flirting with you on stage in front of everyone has him seething

and he goes through the different stages of denial

the initial denial

like was that really you or did he mix you up with some other dancer

then hes basically ripping his hair out

and finally just sits there like, what is life?

Hes sulky, almost like Bokuto

Youre waiting for him to come pick you up but Kuroo takes a little detour to the mens dressing room

Remember that scene where Kuroo gets upset that they insulted his height and there was fire in the background?

Same energy

Hes letting your dance partner know that he is your boyfriend and if he ever touches you like that again, the only he’ll be touching is the ground when he crumbles him to pieces

And he’s bragging at how much of a better dance he is and could replace him as your dance partner if he really wanted to

…He cant fucking dance…

Empty threats but your dance partner doesn’t know that

He’s trembling in his shoes when Kuroo goes to congratulate you

Then its back home and he showing you who you belong to *wink wink*

Kenma

It takes a lot for you to get Kenma to come out to your debut showcase

Dancing isn’t his thing, but really, what is?

Your heart flutters as you peak behind the curtain and you see Kenma, all dressed up with a single flower in his hands, sitting straight dab in the middle

Of course Kuroo is with him because he needs someone to help him get out of his comfort zone

Kenma isn’t too impressed with the performance so far (only because you haven’t shown up yet)

When you do appear on stage, he is absolutely mesmerized

He never knew you could dance so well. If he knew, maybe he’d sneak at you more often

The moment male counterparts entered the stage, he already knew this something was fishy

In his mind, thoughts are racing 100000000x a second

Are they just backup dancers?

Why are they coming towards you?

Are you going to dance with them?

Who is that guy?

And as soon as one of the guys brings you close to him, Kenma is as stiff as a board

You know how a cat is when they get scared? That’s Kenma in his seat

Kuroo notices it right away and smirks

This is the first time he’s seen Kenma feel jealous, or feel any other emotion

When you ask Kenma what he thought of the performance, he was shy at first

Like, you did good. You were very pretty

Although small, you appreciated his compliments because it was hard to get them out of him

He’s shy at first, but then he’s quick to give his judgements about your dance partner

As if he couldn’t stop, he was complaining all night long that there should never be a man that close to you that’s not him

Atsumu

Not the jealous type

Sorry, but I just don’t see it

But you know what I do see?

That he likes to show you off

He’ll go to all of your dance practices and all of your performances because we love a supportive boyfriend

Even when he has volleyball practices, he’s going straight to your practice right after

And lets be honest, hes looking at your ass more than he is watching out for other guys

Hes confident about your relationship and that you wont leave him

Hes in the crowd screaming like Kuroo

YEAH THAT’S MY BABY!

THAT’S MY GIRLFRIEND WITH THE BIG ASS

Omg how embarrassing!!!!

Gosh, you could hear him from the stage and it took everything in your power to not laugh

After the show, you jump into his arms because awwww!

Hes complimenting the dance and how well you did

Hes giving out all these compliments to your other dance mates

But when it came to your male dance partner

He literally shoves his face out of the way like hes not even there

Like his massive hand just covers his entire face and is like nope, you’re not even there to me

Fine maybe he is a little jealous

Oikawa

Being the jealous type, he already knew everything about this little duet you were doing

Who your partner was

What class they were in

Does this person have a partner?

When were you were having practice?

Who else was going to be there? Because he sure as hell will make sure he’s there if its just you two

How close were you two getting?

Only because he forced you to tell him

He’s monitored your dance so well that he’s sure he could copy it

No he cant  

Yeah it’s a little much, but hes the protective type! Hes just making sure that you’re safe and that your partner doesn’t try anything on you

But no matter how many times hes seen the dance

No matter how many times he knows that it means nothing

And no matter how much he braces himself for that part

A part of his stomach just tenses up

Its frustrating to see his s/o be that close to someone who isn’t him. And he cant help but be jealous, who wouldn’t?

Your expression, your dance moves, the emotion you put into the dance – they were all so convincing. If no one knew you had a boyfriend, they would all think that you and your dance partner would be dating

He cant have that

After the showcase, he makes it really known that you are already taken

Given his extra ass, he’d be exaggerating soooo much and youd just roll your eyes at him

Iwaizumi

Jokes on you, he IS your dance partner

Yeah, he’s got other hobbies other than volleyball

And don’t’ judge! Dance is good for flexibility

Anyway

If your team needs any couple dances, its you and Iwa-chan

Buuuuut

There are times when your team separates you two

And when that happens, best BELIEVE he’s keeping an eye out

During practice, he’s always side glancing and huffs whenever you two laugh together

When your dance teacher suggests you and your partner do something a little sexual, Iwa sit here to immediately stop it

If you had to do anything of the sorts, you were doing it with him

NO IFS OR BUTS

Your teacher wouldn’t be too happy that he is ruining their vision

But he promises that you two will practice extra hard for those parts to make it perfect

Gulp

[keepcalm-and-beyou]

Serial Killer Boyfriend

YoungFP x Reader

Werewolves howl, Phantoms prowl, where witches go riding and black cats are seen, the moon full and bright whispers tis Halloween. 

It feels like magic in the night when you see the pumpkins light. Time for the ghouls and ghost to seek goodies, for people hoping for treats not tricks. 

Halloween time in our town with pep. Everyone from school invited and some not invited to this years Spooktacular Party surely must be getting ready as i am. 

🎃Now I have a story that I'd like to tell About this guy you all know him, he had me scared as hell! He comes to me at night after I crawl into bed He's burnt up like a weenie and his name is Fred!🎃  

As A nightmare on my street song plays on my radio I apply my lipstick and smile when the song mentions the name Fred as it makes me think of my friend Fred Andrews, i also cant help but love the nightmare on elm street movie. Freddy Kruger what an intense killer to get you in your precious dreams i hope they make more movies like that. A noise interrupted my thoughts slightly making me jump. heading towards where it had come from i look out my window to the left then right side seeing some children running around on my street dressed up in their costumes trick or treating, the street lights shinned on my street sign that read ELM STREET. 

Thinking the noise must of been from those who are outside simply wanting candy i turn away from the half way open window i scream as i felt something grab my arm from where the window was i turn fast to face it seeing my boyfriend trying to climb through the window. I let a relived sigh leave my lips and step back in no mood to help him through my window but to watch his struggle he sure deserves it after that stunt. 

“Thank for the help babe” FP says sarcastically while finally getting him self through my window his eyes not yet even looking really at me until he stands up straight turning to fully face where i was standing by my bedroom wall. 

FP’s eyebrows raised in what looked like surprise “Wow babe, damn you look good not like that’s anything new” 

“Well i tried thank you, uh what are you suppose to be, some poor victim of a serial killer stabbing, some messed up boy with mommy issues and a daddy who just doesn't seem to love him the same these days who has a issue filled girlfriend that seems so awkward all the time who probably kills his own girlfriend because ya know always some bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend, he must of watched way to many movies” I ask him as he slowly creeps closer to where i have been standing. This is when i notice the knife in his hand. It sure don’t look like the typical cheap fake ones used for such things as Halloween costumes. That makes me raise an eyebrow at the sharp metal in his hand. Fps eyes caught my reaction to his choice in accessory for his costume and he smirks getting closer to me. 

“Nah babe this blood is of my victims” he smirks wider as his eyes seem to burn into mine “I’m the killer” he adds while he brings his knife up to his bottom lip resting it there. 

“Shit does that mean i’m the girlfriend you want to kill for some bullshit reason” i fake seriousness.

“Hmm I think ill keep you around you look to good to ruin that tight outfit” he smirks checking me out. 

“Thanks. Oh and next time use the front door you ass”

“Did i give you a fright” FP stalks even closer to just inches apart. Like he is  stalking his prey. I deny that he frightened me and i lightly push him backwards from my bubble of space done with his creepy killer vibes in my bedroom and wanting to get my party on. 

Walking out my front door like a normal none creepy person uses i turn to FP “Your not really gonna walk around with that legit knife are you, because that seems like big ole trouble to me” 

“You have no idea” FP says quietly but loud enough to hear him. I watch as he passes by me down my steps and put the knife into a holster on his jeans.

“Wait what?” I ask confused on his statement. only for him to act as if he never heard me. 

I spot a boy who looks like our friend a small ways down coming from his front lawn as we approach and it is indeed my best guy friend! 

“Oh my gosh Fred i love it i absolutely approve of this years choice in costume” I say excitedly going to hug him not caring for his eyes to slightly open wider at my revealing chest area. 

“You look.. uh wow yeah wow a good wow very good wow” Fred rambled 

“Watch it Fred” FP warned in what seemed to be a half joke half serious threat as he slaps Fred’s check lightly and they do a quick bro hug. 

“Awe my guys, my killer boyfriend and killer best friend, my Freddy as Freddy i love it, glad you didn’t go with a mask of Freddy Kruger though i prefer your pretty face” I smack Fred on the same cheek FP had done. 

“I knew you would” Fred smiles. 

“Okay i could use a drink and Hiram douche as rich as he is must have plenty at his party so hurry up move it along” FP says nodding his head ahead of us indicating for us to start walking that way. 

Hiram Lodge, rich and rude mostly describes him. someone who many of us don’t particularly like. Fred dislikes him for many reasons one being Hermione Gomez the girl Fred was into and thought she could be the one. Until she chose Hiram and his pearls over Fred and his heart. FP dislikes him for many of the same reasons Fred does but one being Me the ex girlfriend of Hiram, I thought he could be the one until our once fun filled relationship turned into a cold one into a distant one into me choosing FP over Hiram. But hey a party with free booze is our kind of party and we got the invite well me and Fred did anyways. 

Walking through the streets of Riverdale seeing all the Halloween decorations like the lights from jack-o lanterns and ghosts hanging from trees, feeling the chilling vibes of the magic that is Halloween night run through my body, the feel of a cold hand in mine making me smile at my serial killer looking boyfriend. 

I watch as few children pass us by seeing the looks shared by Fred and FP raising my eyebrow at what they could be thinking then suddenly the two teenagers yell and jump forward towards the little kids scaring them making the children scream and run off. Rolling my eyes at the two men in front of me laughing like hyenas. 

“Real mature boys” I say unimpressed at the child like behaviour 

“Its Halloween y/n lighten up” Fred laughs 

“Yeah babe its meant to be scary” FP adds

“True but no need to terrorise little kids” I shake my head at them. And continue our walk.

Nearing the house holding the Halloween party hosted by Hiram i notice some familiar faces as much as i can being with all the Halloween costumes. my eyes came upon sierra dressed as wonder woman, a perfect costume for her and her girl power woman on a mission thing she has going on. a short distance a way as well seeing tom Keller in a army costume, another typically perfect costume for the boy.

The outside of the house isn't much decorated i try to push through some of my fellow classmates with FP and Fred hot on my tail walking through the front doors. I’m impressed by what my eyes are seeing the many outstanding lights making the house look like a nightclub ready for teenagers to dance the night away, i see Halloween theme streamers and garland, hanging bats all over the roof of the house, your typical mini orange pumpkins and some painted black placed on tables, and my favourite of all the creepy images on the walls that change. 

“Boy Hiram of course with all the crap” FP looks around at all the decorations as i was. “Think he’s compensating for something Fred” FP chuckles looking to Fred who’s standing next to him. Fred laughs at his best friends remark. 

“No comment” I smirk barley looking towards FP to see his glare thrown my way. 

“Speak of the devil” Fred nods his head to where Hiram is walking towards us. Hiram lodge strolls head high nearing us wearing a medieval king costume, it makes me want to laugh at another super typical costume for the boy who think’s he is a real king, only kind of royal he happens to be is a royal pain in the ass. 

“Well well well a sight for sore eyes, in all her black beauty” Hiram steps closely in front of me with that stupid smirk and ignorant eyes. I simply fake a big smile as my only response. 

“Fred” Hiram greets in a major Hiram way that doesn't sound very greeting like. so Fred does the same. My eyes moves back and fourth between the two and landing on Hiram as his eyes land on my exposed chest thanks to my Elvira costume. This doesn't go unnoticed by my serial killer boyfriend who steps in front of me chest puffed out and eyes murdering the rich man who only smirks more at the exchange. 

“Ah FP Jones i do believe you were not sent an invite but by all means enjoy my humble adobe, oh but please don’t let your serpent behaviour disturb my gathering” 

“Hiram” is heard from behind him of course coming from Hermione. I roll my eyes at her presence dressed as a medieval queen. “Hello glad you guys can attend” she says playing the dutiful girlfriend.

“Mhm thanks” I say in the most super fake tone i can muster up and a smile to go with it as i move past them farther into the home of the devil incarnate. 

Pouring my self a much needed beverage as FP pushes some guy lightly out of his way to reach a bottle of whiskey taken the whole thing for him self.

“Are you really just gonna take the whole thing?” i chuckle

“What like he cant afford to lose out on one damn bottle y/n” 

“Okay then” i let out a small sigh hoping FP doesn't get to hammered. 

“Hey it saves me from having to stab someone to move out my way for a drink” FP pulls out his knife he had in his holster waving it around near our faces with a wide smile. I’m not sure if its because it Halloween that this whole dressed in blood serial killer thing is legit creepy, but hey its pretend right. 

“Stop waving that thing in my face before you make me lose an eye you psycho” I tell him half jokingly. he just stares at me for a moment like contemplating on something, maybe something i said. But finally after making a clicking noise with his tongue he puts the knife back into his holster. 

“Good boy” I teasingly say to him as i grab his chin giving him a kiss to his cheek. 

Hand in hand we walk around for a bit saying a few hellos to some friends of mine as FP stays silent drinking from his bottle and eyeing a few people dangerously creepy. We enter the dining room seeing people including Fred playing beer pong. 

“Y/n come be on my team I’m kicking Tom’s ass” Fred shouts to where i stand with FP by the entrance. FP looks annoyed at the thought but i don’t care he can brood and mood alone for 5 minutes well i kick some major Keller toosh. 

“Oh Keller boy its on” i challenge as Fred cheers at my comment. 

I stand tall and elegantly yet cockily toss the ping pong ball, it lands perfectly into a cup filled half way with beer in front of Tom. Tom of course drinks it. Fred and I throw a few more times ultimately winning which causes us much joy giving us the need to jump around cheering for our self’s along with others in the room, i jump into Fred’s arms smiling at our victory he spins me around laughing. 

“That was awesome y/n” Fred smiles as he put me down. 

“Tha-” I’m cut off by the dark voice of FP

“I thought i said watch it” he remarks dryly to Fred as Fred gives him an unsure look. 

“Wow okay babe laying on the crazy tonight real hard don’t you think” I tell FP furrowing my eyebrows at the bloody boy. FP scoffs and Fred backs away slowly to leave me to deal with my crazy boo. 

FP moves close to my ear and says “Nah what would be crazy is if someone losses a hand because they can’t keep them off you” and he tilts his head in that weird way like a challenging way. Then all of a sudden he’s laughing. I can’t help my face reacting as if he has gone mad. 

“Let’s keep checking out the place babe” FP says in his normal tone as if he wasn't just a crazy jealous boyfriend. And put’s his arm around my shoulders. 

We came across a room that seems like a second living room it looks like the teenagers in it are playing a game as they all sit in whats suppose to be a circle. 

“Oh look its Y/n, care to indulge us in a game of secrets and sins” Penelope’s voice rang out. she use to be a decent human being but it seems her adopted family the blossoms have really done a number on her after she accepted to be with Clifford her adopted brother. honestly I’m unsure if its even legal. 

“I don’t know about that one” I shrug not really in the mood to share a secret of any sorts. 

“Are you scared to tell us something” Clifford chimes in as he is sitting next to the red headed sister girlfriend of his. 

“Let’s go babe” FP grumbles in my ear. But i shake my head at his words. 

“No no i’ll stay” I smile and take a seat on one of the few couches in the room that have space. FP stay’s standing by the door.

“Well that makes it your turn y/n, any sinful secrets you might wanna share” Penelope asks with a wicked smirk plastered on her face as if she already knows any secrets i may have. 

“Hmm i cheated on a math test once, no that’s a lame one, uh i keyed Hiram’s car after we broke up” that last so called secret made FP chuckle. but Penelope rolled her eyes not amused by my choices of secrets. 

“I have a obsession with the movie the heather's i do as well imagine poisoning my classmates, I’m sure you’ll be able to relate” i tell Penelope with a small smile. She lets out a huff still not amused.  

“So that’s your big secrets? Really. I think not Elm Street girl” she says smiling at me. Causing me to raise my eyebrow. And she continues on. 

“You know who else lives on Elm Street, Fred Andrews right? Your friend, your boyfriends friend” she drags on

“So do you have a point or are you just obtuse” I laugh in my head at my own joke sense obtuse is opposite of something pointy. 

“Funny. You like to do a lot with that mouth of yours, like talk when know one cares to listen or make out with Fred Andrews when you think know ones looking” she smiles deviously as my eyes widen in shock. 

“What?!” is heard from the door FP in fit of rage.  

“Wait let me explain” I say to FP but he doesn't hear it he’s to busy pushing his way out of the bedroom door so i follow him. 

“FP can you slow down what are you doing let me explain” I yell for him to hear me but all i see is him on a hunt. oh no probably for Fred. Poor Fred. 

Fp reaches Fred who is in the big living room area where the drinks are and teenager’s dancing. FP grab’s Fred by his shirt throwing him into a wall swiftly reaching for his knife 

‘FP no” i shout as i near the two boys. 

“What the hell FP” Fred asks his best friend. 

“I outta kill you boy” FP barks in Fred face now holding his knife to his throat. 

“FP stop please its not what you think i swear” I plead with my now looking like a real serial killer boyfriend. 

“Y/n whats going on? Why do you have a knife? wait is that a real knife FP?!” Fred asks a bunch of questions in his nervous and scared state. We all barley notice the music had turned down a bit and people were gasping and whispering amongst them self's. 

“You touched my girl!” FP says lowly very low dangerously low. 

Fred looks beyond shocked at the news his best friend knew. He was speechless. 

“FP please let’s talk outside or in a quite room” i beg of him. 

“Screw this” FP says angrily and grab’s Fred again by the shirt only to throw him into the wall once more before backing away. “You better watch out boy” FP threatens Fred. FP disappear’s into the house and I tend to Fred. 

“Oh my gosh are you okay i cant believe he just went that psycho” I held onto Fred’s head looking over his neck and face for any injuries. Seeing a small cut from the knife on is neck, making me cringe at the fact my boyfriend did that. 

“I’m okay y/n how did he find out?” Fred asks looking guilty 

“Secrets and sins and one red headed bitch of a blossom” I remark coldly.

“I’m going to find the bathroom see if i need anything for my neck” Fred tells me as he starts to move towards the door way. 

I should look for FP to tell him the truth the whole truth to that secret. The fact that it was before i chose to be with FP, it was a drunk bad judgement call right after my break up with Hiram. 

Its been some time looking for FP i think its safe to say he left the party. Maybe that’s a good thing give him some space to calm down and when he wants to talk i’ll gladly talk to him. I haven't seen Fred in awhile either, if he ditched me i’m going to kill that athletic guitar playing boy. No sign of my best friend and the party has majorly died down with only a few students i barley know from school and the few i do know decently well like Sierra, Tom, Penelope and Clifford, Marty Mantle and Darryl Doiley and of course the host him self and his little girlfriend Heromine. 

I look around some more for Fred so we can leave, i check anywhere i can including upstairs. I come across a room at the very end of the hall and open the door slowly “Hello anyone in here?” I ask not wanting to intrude on anyone's personal business. There’s no answer. I cant make much of what’s in the room it’s very dark until i find the nearest light switch flicking it on my eyes instantly see a body on the ground. 

“Oh my god Fred?!” I move fast towards the body now seeing the crimson colour seeping through his shirt as if he has been stabbed. I couldn't control it my mouth had i mind of its own as it let out a screeching sound of horror at the sight of my best friend bleeding not a single movement made on the floor. 

I stood in shock for a moment after my scream rang through the walls catching the attention of a few of my fellow classmates as they run into the room. 

I hear gasps and what happened and omgs come from a few mouths as i stare eyes wide open at Fred on the ground. I see Tom get closer to Fred’s body when i snap out of my trance of horror. 

“Wait don’t touch his body!” i spit out before anyone can lay a finger on the boy. 

Everyone looks at me as i’m insane. 

“Finger prints and moving a body is like what tampering with a crime scene and if you have your finger prints on him guess who’s a suspect of murder” I tell everyone sternly. 

“We need to see if he is breathing!” Tom says freaked out. 

I move closer to Fred’s unconscious body not enough to touch and tell everyone to shut the hell up so i can listen for his breathing, I hear nothing. I then put my hand in front of his nose and mouth to see if i can feel air coming from his bloody body, I can not. 

“He’s not breathing guys.. he’s dead” i cry out covering my mouth in more shock. I hear little cries from the girls Heromine and Sierra. 

“This can’t be happening my parents will kill me if i through a party and there happens to be a dead body laying around” Hiram sighs

“My dad is probably gonna kick my ass” I hear Marty say in a fearful tone.

“We need to call the cop’s” Tom says

“I don’t know about that” Clifford chimes in. 

“What are you talking about that’s what your suppose to do, unless you killed him?” Tom shouts back at Clifford. as Clifford scoffs

“This could ruin our life’s what colleges are wanting to accept people involved in a murder” Penelope say’s. 

“Was that a confession?” Darryl Doiley ask’s The red head rolls her eye’s

“Who would do this” I let tear slip from my eyes. 

Everyone looks around at one another eyes scanning each other with possible thoughts that one of us killed Fred Andrews. 

“Hiram. I bet it was Hiram” Penelope says smugly as always these days. 

“And why would I do that?” Hiram asks in almost to good to be true calm manner. Everyone turns their heads to Penelope so she can further explain her accusations.

“Oh please you never did like the boy so much you even stole his girlfriend” she replies nodding towards Hermione who still have many tears on her face. 

“Please you strike me for the killing type both you Blossom’s and your weird family” Hiram spits back to the red headed girl. 

“This is so not cool guys we need to do something” Sierra says. 

“Yeah like the cops’” Tom says again 

“No, no cop’s, not until we figure who might have done it” Hiram speaks.

“We can all point fingers at each other but nothing proves either of us did it” I tell them hoping their madness would stop i haven't even had time to really wrap my head around the dead body of my best friend. 

“What about FP” Darryl Doiley speaks up from the corner of the room he’s been hiding in sense he came in after my scream. Everyone turns to look at the Doiley boy at the same time with looks that say what about him. 

“He had a knife right he held it to Fred’s throat and went all psycho doesn't that prove anything” Darryl continued 

“This is true, FP did have a weapon and is well crazy” Hiram says as a matter of fact. I roll my eyes at him. 

“No way he wouldn't .. I don’t think he would, oh my no no he couldn't” i say unsure in my own words that my boyfriend and Fred’s best friend would commit such a crime. 

“I don’t know the look in his eyes sure showed insanity” Penelope spoke

“Y/n it might be true look at the facts he was mad at Fred, he held Fred at knife point, and threatened him. It doesn’t look good for FP” Tom states

“What doesn't look good for me” FP appears in the door way of the room giving us all a fright many of us jumping at his voice. Some of our eyes wide in fear to see him in front of us hearing us talk about him. The girls Heromine, Sierra and Penelope move further away from him as they practically huddle together, Darryl and Marty look terrified, while Hiram and Tom have no expressions on their faces, then there’s me standing in the middle of everyone beside Fred’s body not knowing what to say and trying hard to keep my face a normal looking way. 

“Say hey what happened here” FP says what almost seems like a question but more of a taunt, he takes a step inside the room with his head tiled in that creepy way he does.

“Get away from us you murderer” Penelope shouts at him. 

“Hmm that’s not very nice” FP smirks deviously at her as he pulls out his knife pointing it at her “You are not very nice” he tell’s her. He looks at everyone in the room ‘In fact none of you really are. Not to me that’s for damn sure” he clicks his tongue. 

“Hey man we no what you did and its cool we wont say anything to anyone” Marty tells FP in hopes to get out of a killer situation. FP just laughs at the boys attempts. 

“FP tell them you didn't hurt Fred i know you didn't right?” i ask my own hopes rising

“We know you killed him FP” Hiram says to him

“How do we know your not the killer? huh? you like scary movies maybe your movie freak mind lost its reality button ever think of that” FP says challenging Hiram's words. Hiram scoffs. 

“Okay well if FP didn't do it and none of us did lets just call the cops” Tom says starting to walk towards the door when FP’s knife ends up nearing his face

“Na na na Keller get back” FP demands so Tom goes back to his spot by Fred’s body and near me. I look to Fred’s dead body and to FP, feeling a wave of sadness wash over me finally seeing it feeling it , that FP killed him. My eyes water as i take small slow step to FP who bares his knife still in front of him. 

“Why FP.. please tell me why” I cry slowly moving toward my killer boyfriend. 

“Why y/n! why!” he shouts manically making me jump. He turns to face the door he had just shut then back to me. 

Suddenly FP steps to me grabbing me by my throat facing me to everyone has his grip is tight on my neck keeping me in place close to him. 

“Listen FP” Sierra says trying to defuse the ticking bomb 

“No you listen you little bitch! Anyone moves and ill be happy to see what your insides look like. Takes the strength of a man to gut someone ya know” FP barks

“You all and your privileged life’s, you northsiders think your so better then everyone else!” FP shouts and his grip gets even tighter on my throat making me whimper. “Not anymore” FP drags his knife on my face as he speaks but not hard enough to cut into my skin. 

“We are sorry i’m sorry we all are sorry!” Sierra shouts

“You don’t have to do this FP let y/n go” Tom says calmly reaching his hand out

“Let her go FP” Hiram says more demanding

“Please FP you don’t have to hurt anyone” Heromine chimes in

“Oh my ” Penelope mumbles 

“Dude come on please” Darryl cries out 

“We’re sorry dude” Marty says but not enough meaning to believe it.

“If any of us made you feel less then us we are sorry if any of us picked on you we are sorry or if we made fun of you FP” Sierra speaks again apologising for everyone. And everyone’s voice rings out say yes and yeah’s agreeing to what she had said in fear for their life’s. 

“Nah” FP says then quickly spins me to face him and send’s his knife into my stomach instantly my hands go to the wound i feel the wet substance and my knees hit the floor as horror painful sounds escape my lips everyone runs to me as i turn around best i can hands red and dripping, the girls faces wet with tears the guys faces filled with horror i take one last look at my stomach hand covering it again.

“Gotcha” my head snaps up to everyone as i smile wide

“Really I’m dead no one calls the cop’s ” Fred says from the floor with his face looking towards us all. 

“What?!” everyone shouts with wide eyes and still horrified yet shocked faces all around. 

“Good job FP” Fred smiles getting up from the floor. “Man that’s tough playing dead for that long so glad no one saw me breathing when i needed to” 

“You did great man” FP smiles 

“But the blood” Hermione asks

“Corn syrup” I reply with a smile

“You are all seriously insane” Sierra says 

“That was not funny” Hiram adds sternly 

“Holy heck thank god” Tom sighs of relief 

“I can’t believe you guys” Heromine says shaking her head in dismay.

“Not cool” Marty adds 

“You had us all going” Penelope says in boredom

“Yeah” Clifford adds not making eye contact with anyone probably embarrassed that he got fooled. 

“Well can’t say you guys didn’t deserve it” FP smiles a normal smile not a creepy one at last. 

“Happy Halloween guys” Fred smiles 

“I got me one hot serial killer boyfriend” I put my arm around FP’s waist as his arm goes around my shoulder. 

“Happy Halloween” FP and i say at the same time to everyone. 

[aaliyah-babe]

The One With The Butt: Part One

pairings: eventual joey x reader, jamie x reader

authors note: i own nothing from friends, all credit goes to their respective owners. feedback is always appreciated!

feedback is the glue that holds my writing together!

you guys had gotten invited to the play that joey was in, you were sat next to pheobe on the end,

“oh look! look, there’s joeys picture! this is so exciting!” rachel squealed, showing you all joeys picture.

“you can always spot who’s never seen one of his plays before, notice no fear, no sense of impending doom...” chandler trailed off,

“the exclamation point in the titles scares me. you know, it’s not just freud, it’s freud!” pheobe exclaims, and you giggle at her.

the lights went down as you readied yourself for joeys plays, they weren’t all bad, but they weren’t all good, don’t get yourself wrong he was a good actor, he just chose the wrong stuff to act in.

“shh. the magic is about to happen!” ross shushed everyone

“well, eva,” you heard joey say with a german accent and you sighed, knowing it was gonna be another bust. “we’ve done some excellent work here,”

you looked at pheobe and she gave you the same look before you started giggling quietly, and ross gave you a warning look which made you stop.

“and i would have to say your problem is quite clear,” joey said before stopping. a piano intro started playing before joey got up from his seat and began singing, “all you want is a dinkle, what you envy’s a schwang! a thing through which you can tinkle, or play with or simply let hang,”

you looked at ross before whispering, “now can we laugh,” and he started chuckling aswell.

the play went on for what felt like hours, you had looked through the cast around five times, pheobe nudging you to look at joeys dancing and singing at times which made you both laugh quietly, before the show was finished.

everybody on the stage took a bow before you all got up and started clapping, yelling at the cast,

“yes! excellent!”

they walked off the stage as you all groaned, sitting back down,

“oh my god, that was nauseating,” you sighed into pheobes shoulder,

“i feel violated,” rachel agreed,

“did anybody else feel like they wanted to peel the skin off their body to have something else to do?” monica asked,

“ross, 10:00,” chandler nudged ross,

“i’d it? feels like 2:00,” ross groaned,

“no, 10:00,”

“what?”

“there’s a beautiful woman at 8, 9, 10:00!” chandler sighed which made you all look in his direction and see a very beautiful woman touching up her lipstick.

“wow she is pretty,” you agreed with chandler,

“she’s amazing! she makes the women i dream about look like short, fat, bald men,”

“well, go over to her. she’s not with anyone,” monica said to him,

“oh yeah, right. and what would my opening line be? “excuse me..” chandler said before blubbering words,

“oh come on! she’s a person, you can do it,” rachel encouraged,

“oh please could she be more out of my league? ross back me up here,” chandler patted ross on the back,

“he could never get a woman like that in a million years,” ross agreed,

“thank you,”

“oh, oh! but you know you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys!” pheobe encouraged him,

“oh yeah! come on chandler, do it!” you told him.

“you think?” he asked you all,

“oh yeah!”

“oh, god. i cant believe i’m even considering this. i’m very, very aware of my tongue,”

“come on!”

“here it goes,” chandler walked away and started talking to the woman,

he started saying a few things before he started walking back over,

“chandler?” the woman asked, making him go back over,

“wow, go chandler,” you nudged monica.

joey walked out and you all said hey.

“i didn’t know you could dance!” ross said,

everybody else said stuff to him about the play,

“was it good?” he asked, hopeful. your heart hurt for the boy.

everybody was silent before they all said the same things they did before.

“come on you guys, it wasn’t that bad, i was the lead! it was better than that thing with the trolls!” he argues,

“you’re right joey, you are, come here,” you hugged him,

“did you at least like it?” he asked, still hopeful,

“i’m not gonna lie to you joe. it wasn’t the best play,” his face fell, “but! you’re a good actor i just think your always going for the wrong roles!” you said and he smiled a little,

“thanks y/n/n,” he hugged you again, before letting you go not completely and just let his arm drape around your shoulder.

“she said yes! she said yes!” chandler ran over before turning to joey, “awful play man! woah!”

you rubbed joeys back, feeling bad for him a little.

“her names aurora and she’s italian and she pronounces my name “chand-ler,” “chand-ler,” he was proud of himself you could see, “i think i like it better that way- oh listen! the usher gave me this to give to you.” he gave joey a card.

“what is it?” rachel asked,

joey read the card as his face lit up, “estelle leonard talent agency, an agency left me its card!” he smiled,

“told you,” you whispered to him and he smiled at you.

“maybe they want to sign me!” he smiled happily,

“based on this play?” pheobe asked and joey frowned, “based on this play!”

you guys were hanging out at the coffee house and jamie had joined you, and once again joey distanced himself from you and him. what the hell was his problem? it pissed you off that your bestfriend clearly didn’t like your boyfriend and didn’t even try to hide it!

“hey, kids,” chandler walked in, after his date with aurora.

“hey, chandler,” jamie said to him,

“well this line is passion, and this is just a line,” phoebe read monica’s hand,

“wow i can’t believe i’ve been here seven seconds and you haven’t asked me about my date,” chandler said,

“how was your date chandler?” everybody asked,

“yeah, chand-ler?” monica said, making you smile.

“it was unbelievable! i’ve never met anyone like her. she’s had the most amazing life! she was in the israeli army...”

“luckily, none of the bullets hit the engine block. so, we made it to the border. but just barely and i... i’ve been talking about myself all night long, i’m sorry. what about you? tell me one of your stories!” aurora said to chandler, who smiled at the woman in front of him.

“alright, once.... once, i got on the subway, right? and it was at night and i rode it all the way to brooklyn, just for the hell of it,” he said which made aurora laugh and he smiled again,

“we talked till like 2:00,” chandler said, “it was this perfect evening... more or less,”

“all of the sudden we realise we’re in yemen!” aurora exclaims,

“i’m sorry we is?” chandler asked,

“we would be me and rick,” she answered,

“who’s rick?” joey asked,

“who’s rick?” chandler asked her,

“my husband,” she answered.

“ew,” everyone groaned for chandler,

“oh, so your divorced?” chandler asked,

“no,” she said,

“oh, i’m- i’m sorry your widowed... hopefully?” he asked again,

“no, i’m still married.”

“so uh, tell me. how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me, sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?”

“don’t worry. i imagine he’d be okay with you because really with ethan,” she giggled,

“ethan? there’s an ethan?” chandler asked,

“ethan is my... boyfriend,” she answered

“what?!” everyone exclaimed.

“explain something to me. what kind of relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?” chandler asked,

“i suppose, mainly sexual,” she offers.

“huh,”

“aw, i’m sorry it didn’t work out,” monica apologised,

“what not work out? i’m seeing her again on thursday,” everyone looked at him confused, “didn’t you listen to the story?”

“didn’t you listen to the story?” you asked,

“yeah, this is twisted! how could you get involved with a woman like this?” monica asked,

“i had some trouble with it at first too, but the way i look at it, i get all of the good stuff, all the fun, all the talking, all the sex and none of the responsibility! i mean this is every guys fantasy,”

“that is not true,” phoebe said, “ross, jamie, is this your fantasy?”

“no,” they both said,

you smiled at your boyfriend before kissing his cheek, he looked at ross before they both nodded their heads, “yeah, it is,”

you glared at jamie.

“maybe somebody shouldn’t be with somebody then,” joey muttered but you heard him anyways, what is his deal? you were so going to talk to him after this.

“so you guys don’t mind going out with someone else, who’s going out with someone else?” monica asks.

“i couldn’t do it,” joey says,

“good for you, joe,” pheobe says to him,

“when i’m with a woman, i need to know that i’m going out with more people than she is,” that made you sigh,

“well, you know monogamy can be a tricky concept. i mean anthropologically speaking...” everybody pretended to sleep and fake snore as ross bored everyone,

“fine, fine. now you’ll never know,” he sighs,

“we’re kidding, go! tell us,” monica says,

“all right, there’s a theory put forth by richard leakey...” and there goes everybody snoring again,

let me know if you want to be mentioned in future taglists!

taglist: @zestygingergirl

[melaninxateez]

the woosan bond-vamp au (.01)

Hi! Thank you so much for reading my first blog post. My main account is @ kmelanin, so :)) Enjoy. 

No warnings yet.

At the age of 21, you were quite alone…a lot. You did not really have many friends, except a few from high school who hit you up to catch up over a couple of drinks. You have never dated anyone either, too afraid of commitment or heart break. Which means that you were still a virgin. It did not really matter to you, until anytime you try to date, and they cut you off because you do not want to fuck on the first date. Maybe you were just looking in the wrong area. Maybe you should not be looking at all.

                       You could not help but blame the way you look. You were on the heavier side, your body shaped more like a pear. Your hips protruded and so did your belly a bit. Your ass was huge and your boobs on the smaller side. And that, that is not what people want. You are trying to get over this insecurity, as it will do nothing for you. Or maybe this is just another excuse to not lose your virginity a move on with someone random. Maybe you are too picky.

                       When you woke, you grab your phone that started to beep a couple of times. It was a group chat with you and two of your best friends, San and Wooyoung. You do not really remember when you three became so close. But they made sure to keep in contact with you every day. Without you saying anything they always reassure you on how much they love you. You truly did not deserve them.

                       Wooyoung and San told you a couple of days ago that they were going to be out of town for a couple of days. It threw you off a bit because you have not been apart from them for that long since you first met three years ago. You couldn’t help but to feel a bit depressed because of it, and you hated that.

                       You hated that you depended on them so much. Its been two days since they left and you didn’t want to bother them on their vacation; or whatever they were doing. You lay in bed and open your phone. You’ve read all of their messages from the past two days, you just didn’t answer. They wondered what you were up to one day and wondering why you weren’t answering the next. They started to get worried and upset yesterday so you made sure to tell them that you’re fine and that you’re just busy. Now you read todays messages,

                       WOO- I can’t help but feel like you’re avoiding us.

                       Sannie- Its not like you to message us once in three days.

                       WOO- its pissing me off

                       Sannie- we are on our way back to you

                       Sannie- expect us around 8 tonight…

                       Your eyes widen at the last message. You look at the time noticing that its almost 10am. Your heart started racing, you didn’t know what to do. You didn’t really have a valid reason to not messaging them, you just didn’t feel the need to. They needed time away from you, you felt. More like you needed time away from them, you needed to clear you mind a bit. Because what you felt for them is different than anything else you ever felt. Is it wrong to feel like this for them? For both?

                       At this point, you’re overthinking. You decided to message them back.

                       YOU- sorry, I just woke up guys. But did you guys have fun?

                           You didn’t know…they don’t know how to tell you. San and Wooyoung, they fell in love. Not only with you, but with your soul. They are bound to you for eternity and you didn’t know. It was absolutely the most painful thing this man has ever gone through. Days before them leaving, Wooyoung was losing this control a bit to fast.

                       It was a night that they decided to sleep over. You don’t usually cuddle with them, which made them upset sometimes. But that night, you fell asleep against Wooyoung while watching a movie in your bed. San was laying on the end more focused on the movie than anything. Wooyoung was sitting next to you, his back against the wall. You were laying against some pillows next to him.

                       Wooyoung looks over at you halfway through the movie to see that you were asleep. He pokes your cheek a bit to make sure that you were fully asleep. Then he gently pushes your head so that it fell right on his lap. Then you started to move making Wooyoung freeze and San to look back. When San watched you cuddle into Woo young’s lap, his eyes widen, and he starts to sit up a bit.

                       “Fuck…” Wooyoung groans softly, his body was tingling like crazy. He didn’t think this all the way through. San looks up at Wooyoung noticing the younger one staring back down at you.

                       “Yah, what are you doing?” San starts to freak, but also tries not to wake you up. San clenches his hands on the bed when he watches Wooyoung run his whole hand down your arm. He then rans his hand over your head and pushes your hair away from your neck. San didn’t know what to do and Wooyoung couldn’t stop.

                       Wooyoung felt his fangs start to protrude out, and his vision goes a bit red. He knows his eyes were glowing at this point. He looks up at San, noticing his eyes were glowing back at him.

                       “I just wanted her to rest on my lap a bit, as we never really get to hold her.” Wooyoung speaks slowly, he feels as if he might crack at any moment. Both men make sure not to move to fast, because if they did…who know what would happen.

                       “You know what skin on skin contact does to us, we can only handle it for so long. And you haven’t had any blood in a week, you’re really push our luck.” Sans voice starts to get deadly. He starts to threaten the younger one, warning him not to do any harm to you. “When we mark her as our, then it won’t be so intense. Until then we need to go and feed, and plan how we tell her.

                       In a blink of an eye, Wooyoung was standing next to the bed. They both watch you, making sure you don’t wake up. When you turn over and fall back into your deep sleep, they let out a breath.

                       “I hate this…” Wooyoung pouts softly as he tries to pull himself together. He also adjusts his pants a bit because he was supporting a hard on. San just shakes his head and pulls the younger one out into the living room.

                       It was the next morning when they told you about their vacation.

                       They are always with you, because its impossible to be away. They remember seeing you sitting in a café window enjoying some tea and a muffin as you drew on your iPad. San couldn’t help but to admire you the whole time, while Wooyoung was practically jumping up and down where he stood.

                       San tends to be the calmer and more serious one between the both of them. He tends to care for both you and Wooyoung so very much. San and Wooyoung have always been a duo, and they just knew that they needed one more.

                       Wooyoung being the giddy one, he walked up to you first, complementing your art and sitting down next to you without asking. San just rolls his eyes and his bluntness from outside.

                       Ever since that day, they haven’t left your side.

                       San watches Wooyoung pace around the hotel room as they wait for their friend Yunho. He’s dropping off some blood bags for them to take back home. His pacing was driving San insane.

                       “Will you sit down? You pacing around like that is pissing me off.” San says lowly as he rubs his temples a bit. Wooyoung instantly stops and groans, he runs his fingers through his hair.

                       “I need to be next to her. Do you think she’ll accept us?” Wooyoung asks San. He walks over to the bed and sits next to him.

                       “I have no fucking idea. I never know what shes thinking.” San mumbles. Its true, they never knew. That kept things interesting for them though, as they can read people quite easily. Wooyoung throws himself back on the bed, and he sighs.

                       “I don’t think I can survive if she rejects us.”

                       Suddenly both of their phone dings, they both instantly take out their phones and read the second message you’ve sent them in three days. They are pretty sure you loved driving them crazy.

                       YOU- sorry, I just woke up guys. But did you guys have fun?

                       Wooyoung couldn’t help but to laugh a bit.

                       “I cant believe she just messages us like she hasn’t been ignoring our messages.” He grumbles. Hes always asking if you’ve eaten, or wonders how your day is.

                       “Be happy that she even said anything back.” San says as he starts to text something back.

                           Sannie- Did you sleep well? Did you eat?

                       If you were asked what question they ask you the most, it would be “Did you eat?”. At first you thought it was sweet that they wanted to make sure that you were well taken care of. But at some point, it felt like they were trying to fatten you up. You always complain to them that you’re thick enough, maybe a bit too thick. Suddenly your phone starts to ring, your heart beating out of your chest. You look back at your phone seeing a group chat facetime call coming in.

                       You couldn’t ignore it, so you answer it. You face the camera towards your closet at the end of your bed instead of on your face.

                       “Hi Woosan.” You say, your voice cracks a bit since you didn’t wake up not to long ago.

                       “Why is the camera pointed at the wall, I called to see your face.” Wooyoung whines a bit into the camera. You couldn’t help but to blush while looking at both. They always look so good, in every angle and in every lighting.

                       “I just woke up, I look ugly.” You complain rolling your eyes a bit. You couldn’t help but to laugh little bit when you noticed that he rolled his eyes too. You found that cute, so you just turned your camera towards you. They’ve seen you when you first wake up plenty of time, how is this any different?

                       “Ahhhh, there you are pretty girl.” San smiles big when he sees you. You start to blush when you notice both smiling big and just staring at you. You wait a couple of more seconds before you notice them not really saying anything.

                       “Are you both just going to stare at me the whole time?” You ask covering your face a bit with your free hand.

                       “Mhmm.” Wooyoung smirks and nods his head, making a point to hold his head up with his hand and look lovingly into the camera at you. You throw your blanket off of your body and you sit up and stretch. You didn’t realize that the camera was catching the whole scene for them up close. They both looked at each other with huge smiles on their face.

                       “So cute.” They both coos. But you don’t hear that. You stand up from your bed and you head to your bathroom to start your morning routine.

                       “Why must you facetime me now if you’re coming home later.” You ask them as you set your phone up on a shelf that was near your sink. You grab your toothbrush and open the toothpaste.

                       “ahh, well…” Wooyoung starts off as if he wanted to say something, but he stops himself and looks over at San who was in the same room as him. San looks from him back to his phone at you.

                       “You suddenly forgot how to text, so facetime is the only way.” San puts it simply. They were damn near praying that you would answer.

                       “Sorry guys, I just feel so..” You pause from saying what you wanted, and you continue brushing your teeth.

                       “Eh?” San asks, not sure if he heard you or not. You just shrug and point to the brush in your mouth, then you leave the view of the camera.

                       When you’re done brushing your teeth and washing your face, you look back at the camera and noticed that they muted themselves. They were looking at each other and talking but you couldn’t hear them.

                       You take this time to look at your best friends, you will never get over how fucking gorgeous they are. San has dark hair with some red strands in it, he could rock any hairstyle. You were still trying to convince him to grow his hair out for a mullet. Wooyoung hair wasn’t black, but it was a dark brown. He got it done days before he left.

                       “Guys…” You say wanting to hear their voices. “Why am I muted? Are you talking about my birthday coming up?” You joke around.

                       “Of course, we are, it’s in a couple of days and we still haven’t gotten your gift yet.” Sans voice comes through first, his words getting you excited. His gifts were always amazing, from random songs he’s made for you to expensive jewelry. Wooyoungs always made you blush, giving you really pretty lingerie and expensive shoes. They really did spoil you.

                       You didn’t know, but they wanted to confess to you on your birthday. They wanted to tell you how much they love you before the bigger secret. They needed to see that you could handle them without all the extra stuff. They were very afraid of your reaction, but they were also confident in you. They wouldn’t have bonded with you if you couldn’t handle it.

                       “Actually, I want to go to a club for my birthday. I haven’t been to a club in a while.” You perk up at the thought. But the boys look at each other confused as hell. You always reject their attempts to get you into one. You know they loved dancing, so you always forced them to go without you. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you guys fully dance, so I want to.”

                       Its true. Sure, you’ve seen them do a little dance here or there, but you haven’t seen them go all out. And if the rumors are true, they go crazy in clubs.

                       “Okay, but what about our little get togethers, I miss those.” Woo whines a bit as he speaks, making you blush a bit. You loved when he spoke like that, it made you feel like whatever you said next to him would make or break him.

                       “We can have one the night after, plus its Wednesday and my birthday is Saturday. We have time in between.” San nods his head in agreement with your words.

                       “Which one are you thinking?” San asks, he brings the camera closer to his face so he can hear you loud and clear. He wishes he were there right now talking about it with you. But the sun makes his skin itch, and he didn’t bring clothes for that. They will have to wait until the sun starts to go down.

                       “Mhmm,” You set up your phone on a cookie jar in your kitchen. You open the fridge and bend down to grab some thick cut bacon and some eggs. Both San and Wooyoung enjoy the show a bit too much, seeing your oversized shirt rise a bit as you bend over, showing off your black and white stripped undies. Wooyoung had to rip the phone away from his eyes. San looks over to him and watches as he fixes his pants to make his hard on more comfortable.

                       “Did I teach you anything about self-control?” San whispers harshly. He swears Wooyoung will never learn. He looks back at the phone, and watches as you start to cook some bacon.

                       “What’s the one club on the edge of town with the red sign called?” You ask

                       “Hwa Fang?

                       “Oh yes!! Let’s go to that one, you say you go there all the time, right?” You ask them while smiling. You couldn’t tell, but they got nervous. Hwa Fang is a club owned by one of their dear friends SeongHwa. SeongHwa is a much older vampire, he owned vampire clubs and human clubs. Hwa Fang so happen to be a combination of the two, allowing humans and vampires to mingle together freely. They don’t feel comfortable enough to let you go there without even telling you about them.

                       Their secret will come out then, and they can’t let that happen. But then again, they don’t want to disappoint you.

                       “How about the one downtown, the roof top on you’ve always wanted to go to?” Wooyoung brings up the club that you always see glowing at the top. You didn’t know it was a club until they told you.

                       “That’s true, but its also so much more expensive.” You contemplate your options as you finish cooking your food. You would rather not pay $50 for one drink.

                       “You know you don’t have to worry about that,” Wooyoung starts.

                       “Especially on your birthday.” San finishes.

                       You three continue talking about random shit, trying to make the time go by faster. While talking with them, you’ve realized how much you’ve been over thinking. These boys are your life and you’re okay with that.  No matter what happens you can’t lose them, you refuse.

[7wanderingpaws]

⭐️ I’m curious about about a “directors cut” for Let’s Have Some Gentle Fun and Captain Bucheon as well.

Jamie, not gonna lie but if I had to guess what youd be asking about, I would say these two! I feel like I owe you with the "Lets have some gentle fun" one shot since it was for you ㅠㅠ (this will be long, sorry)

Directors cut for: Lets Have Some Gentle Fun

(Can I just say I want to explore Jiyongs character in this one? lol totally unrelated but still... "Dragon" and his own adventures haha)

Baekhyun smiled at you kindly, his eyes following your movements the entire time despite having a beautiful chick sitting on his thighs. Gulp. Those thighs.

“Thank you,” he made sure to say, when you stood up to your full length. Shooting him a very pressed, almost painful smile, you nodded once, accidentally meeting his gaze that you thought was not on you any longer.

You were wrong. But were you wrong as well when you always felt electricity curse down your veins whenever you would look at each other? Was the attraction just from your side? Why was he so hard to approach yet so easy to talk to once you actually managed to spike up a conversation?

Right. Your friends always snatched him away. While he was the center of the circle, you were the edge; the misunderstood one yet always invited. Doing chatty-chats with the famous ones in the circle of your friends seemed to be hard because if they didn’t really vibe with you, they’d made sure you could feel it. Baekhyun not once did, yet his apologetic smiles whenever someone wanted to talk to him when he was about to start a conversation with you, hurt more than any of your other friends’ attitude.

Reciprocating his stare a little longer, you finally turned, thinking he would be paying attention to the pretty lady on his lap. Yet again, you were wrong. He was looking even when you were far gone and back to the bar to continue your shift.

Okay, stop here. This right here screams interest and Baekhyuns badly hidden attraction towards OC. He had been doing that in other scenes where he stares at her and says words that clearly mean his interest, but there is something holding him back which is his girlfriend; the one sitting on his lap, the one who will appear at the end of the storyline. Meanwhile, OC isnt as focused on his girlfriend, as she is on the reality of everyone stealing him away from her. Baekhyun can only offer apologetic smiles - why is that? OC can only interpret that as his disinterest; he isnt much different than the others. Baekhyun is being very vague again in the next scene:

“You have a man here?”

Both of you were quiet now. He was staring into your eyes, something so hard for you to decipher flashing in those deep orbs. His eyes seemed almost black, swallowing up every light that dared to enter including you.

“It’s what you all think about me, isn’t it?” you mumbled quietly. “That I bring men home, that I’m the quiet before the storm. I know that’s what you all say behind my back. I’m just living up to your knowledge.”

Baekhyun’s face became unreadable. His features evened out. “Way to ruin the mood.”

You laughed. “Whatever mood you’re talking about-“

Baekhyun made OC believe there was something happening between them in that moment. He is always unconsciously flirting with her, making baby steps to get to know OC better; it felt like he put the blame on her when in reality, he is the taken man and he is the one never offering more. And he had the audacity to act hurt at the idea of her having someone there?

He stepped closer, silencing you right away. “I know people are judgemental fucks but I would have always said otherwise about you.”

“Meaning?”

He gave you a lopsided smirk, not reaching his eyes. “I can hardly judge you when I know so little about you. I never believe those rumors and you shouldn’t give a damn either. If anything, you’re the most intriguing among our friends.”

He couldn’t tell, but breath hitched in your throat from the way his eyes were drinking you up, their intensity burning every sane thought you could produce. “Then why do you always yield to those friends? We had many chances to talk. But it wasn’t me who always turned around at the last moment.”

The tension was almost palpable when you were looking up at him.

He didn’t reply and you realized the headache you were gifted with today. Sighing tiredly, you smiled up. “Whatever. Don’t answer that. Go. I bet your girlfriend is waiting.” When he didn’t move, you snorted a laugh. “Why are you even baking at this hour? You’ll be late to work.”

Poor OC. Baekhyun was darn lucky she decided to speak up and not let him answer. He wouldnt be able to offer anything she would want to hear in that moment. I really liked these scenes because they set the diversity of Baekhyuns character, they set up the confusion, and at the same time they are enhancing OCs struggle with her crush towards him. She knows she cant have him, and she also thinks Baekyhun is just like her other friends, while she has no clue the man is attracted to her. Just for the funsies - we dont know whether he actually meant it, or whether he just wanted his desire to be satiated by her as a one night stand. I still love this plotline so much! And I think it is the most realistic kind of crush - from OCs side and from Baekhyuns side.

Directors cut: Captain Bucheon

“Then why would you do it if you don’t want to do it?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“Because I’m in the student council,” you replied almost in a whine. “They asked me and I couldn’t say no!” You threw your arms around, making it sound like a big deal. And for you, it was a big deal. You didn’t like how you were easily pushed around.

Baekhyun nodded, a small smile stretching his lips when he saw your comprehension. Sweet university life. “You must be very liked by everyone.”

You froze at that. That wasn’t true. How would you tell your ex the reason everyone was all over you was because you had huge tits and you were friends with Chul? “It’s not like that…”

Baekhyun nodded, noting your discomfort but deciding against questioning it. He didn’t think he was anywhere near the position to stick his nose into your business. For all he knew, he’d scare you away like that time in the bar but, frankly, he didn’t even utter a single word that night to give you a reason for your abrupt fleeing.

“So you run here often, huh,” he heard you say and then saw you shuffling your feet, the small stones of the track field rustling under them.

So much is happening here I want to CRY! The first question Baekyhun asked is something he would definitely ask her if they were dating. He cares about her so much, he needs to ask for her reasons. Yet, Captain Byun isnt the type to be too nosy; from Burn Your Bridges we saw he was a passionate lover but very mature and responsible which also shows in the part where he didnt question her about her discomfort when he sensed it. But he still cares too much. These scenes prove how tables turned; Lee Nari is the one who is harder to reach now, while Baekhyun seems to be losing his mind a little with having the young girl back in his life. It shows in this scene:

Baekhyun was fast. Before you realized the warmth of his hand leaving yours, you heard a loud snap, his fist landing with the dude’s face. You squealed, covering your mouth in shock and just like that, Baekhyun had professionally put the lad down, having both his arms locked behind his back. It vastly made you remember when he did a similar move with your brother in his office at the police station, and chills ran down your spine.

Right. Baekhyun first arrested you, and then your brother who was still in jail until now. Baekhyun lied to you to get closer to you. Right. Right, right, right.

“Don’t ever even imagine her in your filthy mind,” Baekhyun’s voice thundered through the space.

Baekhyun lost it. And this is also a huge trigger for the OC. If you read the story, you would learn that Baekhyun would never pull this move on just a random person he needs to protect as a cop. But we are talking about Lee Nari and he would sure as hell manhandle anyone who dared to talk about her badly. Even her brother.

Your palm landed on his cheek and Baekhyun’s face snapped to his right side. “I hate you!” You shouted shakily, more tears spilling down your cheeks, the snot out of your nose. You were a mess. “I hate everything you put me through, Byun Baekhyun! You lied to me! Why did you lie to me?! I loved you!” You shouted again, and squeezed your eyes shut.

(...)

Your palms were still, pressing against his sturdy chest but you couldn’t make him move anymore. You were crying now, your voice shaking and your eyes still squeezed shut. “What did I do to deserve this… when all I did was love you honestly, purely,” you wailed, your voice sounding almost like a wolf’s howl in the empty streets of the campus. “I was just seventeen…”

Baekhyun was quiet the whole time, emotions of guilt eating him away just like they had been for the past year. His own heart was in pain and he knew how hurt you were but seeing you like this made his heart split into two. You were a complete, utter mess.

Even I felt heartbroken as I wrote that, angst at its best!! Baekhyun could finally witness just how damaged the girl is. Nari needed this. Thank God Baekhyun provided her the chance to finally speak up. I just loved the slap that she gave him, I loved how passionate and aggressive she was - with all his previous kindness, she finally erupted like a volcano. I love how she became so tired of her emotions, so tired of hating on Baekhyun that eventually led her to be in his arms. That last sentence is just as heart-breaking; your lover realizing just how much they ruined you but they still hold you in their arms. Its a little ironic, isnt it? The delicious pain of enemies/lovers trope <3 God I love them!!

- ASK ME: Fanfic Writers: Directos Cut

[princelestatdelioncourt]

Just Becasue...

//This is a fanfic I wrote long ago but I cant find it on my old account. So I will try to recreate it again. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The seven son of the Marquis D'Auvergne. I had no rights to the title, no land or money to own after my father passes. But I was good in one thing, Hunting.

I spent hours in our land hunting, away from my father and the chateau. My only moment of happiness and freedom. All I could have trapped in that village, trapped in my won land.

The Villagers called me the Lord becasue I was the only one in my family able to use a pistol, a sword and hunt. Provide for the family. Fix the vineyard, fences...etc. Do whatever was needed to do to have a decent life and not live in ruins. We were poor so to see things like that, left alone and root it even made it worse. I hated it but I did it anyways. But I loved to hunt. I loved to provide for my family. Even if I never received a Thank You in return. I never expected that from them but I wished they did.

I got up very early every morning to go hunting with my dogs, my mare and get a piece of bread of cheese I could find in the old kitchen. Sometimes an apple or an orange. All I had the whole day until returning home and hopefully with whatever I caught that same day.

So hunting was my happiness but it was a monotony. Everyday the same. Get up, hunt, come back home, eat if there was something cooked, to my room, sleep and all over again... boring.

But I had a few things that broke that monotony. I went to mass even if I never believed in God. I just went to do something different. I went to the village and to the tavern to get a glass of wine that sometimes, most of the times I could not afford so I ended up stealing from the back door. And the girls... yes. I bed girls here and there, anywhere. Never cared and I found it funny. Distraction. They were kind to me becasue I was the Lords son but I never really cared or loved any of them. I liked them, yes pretty girls, attraction perhaps but never that heartfelt deep love. I guess. I dont know. I grew up with a family of no affection or love so I never knew what love was. I wasn't unsure if I loved them or liked them or nothing or all and I was just a billygoat never caring of anything.

Spending time with these girls, sometimes the same one for a couple days , sometimes different one everyday or going back to that one that I didn't see in a few ... whatever. I drank so that might influenced the situation s well. The barn, the forest, the back door, the back of the church, the chateau barn, my room...you know, I didn't care if my family saw me with them but it made me alive if they knew. Made me more rebellious. I loved it. My brother Augustin screaming to me I was a lost cause. My father just upset becasue he was always upset with me. My other brother just following Augustin steps. My mother just reading her books in her room, I wonder if she ever heard anything - smiles - but she never came to me about the girls or anything.

But one night things just became a little bit more... exciting.

We were seated on the big dining table, eating broth and big chucks of meat from the deer I caught that same day. My whole family was there. My mother and father each on the end of the table as always. I always seated by my mothers right side. My brothers seated always on my fathers side, on each side, beside them their wives.

I had no one in front f me, it was always like that. Me the outcast. whatever, I did not want to see their faces near me. But I looked to all of them eating that broth and these pieces of meat. Mixed emotions. I hated my brothers and my father yet seeing them eating that meat was good. Then I looked at my brothers wife and realized she was looking at me as well. Well we are family so I thought it was..ok? she didn't say anything, remember this is the 18th century, women belonged to men and they had no power. Like my mother Gabrielle, my brothers wife, she was trapped there.

I continued looking at her and she smiled at me on a shyly way. I wondered what was that about. I didn't thought much about it and i went back to finish my meal. Everyone finished eating. and once again everyone left the room even if I did not finish eating. Whatever.

I ate a piece of deer I had on my plate just listening to the earth, the fireplace was in front of me and I just looked at the flames. Then I heard someone walking in the room. I turned my head, It was my brothers wife. I just looked at her holding the piece of meat in my hands. I wasn't sure why she was there and I really REALLY never wanted anything or anything related to my brother. I did not had an open family relationship with his wife, barely we ever spoke. So yes it was strange she was there now.

"Thank you for the hunt" She said to me in a soft tone. I was surprised about that. It took me a moment to process that and respond with a nod with my head. She looked at the open door making sure no one was around and she came closer to me and leaned forward and she whispered in my ear "you are not like them, you are beautiful" I felt her fine thin fingers on my chin very gently touch. I looked up at her I was surprised to such act. And I have to say I liked it. She was pretty. Pale skin, blond, blue eyes, pink lips, her skin seemed so soft, her cheeks...her breasts...Ok I had to stop myself there. Lestat think! thats your brother's wife. Then a sound came from the door, someone approaching. She moved away from me rapidly. It would be a disaster if someone saw her doing that. And with that means, beatings for her. and for me... i guess just a fight with my brother, nothing out of normal. We fought a lot. My brothers wife left the room. The maid came to clean the table. I was done with my meal. I stood up and left the room.

A few times me and my brothers wife happen to step on each others path. I started to like that game. A few nights later I was in my room, late night. Sleeping. Ive heard the door of my room open. I always had a very light sleep. I looked towards the door. It was my brothers wife. She was only wearing the long white night gown. I only thought: Well....

I looked at her while she approached to the bed and crawled and laid by my side.

"So.. is anything you need?" I said. I smirked. I knew why she was there. I looked at her for a brief moment and smiled. She smiled back and up next I found myself kissing her lips. One soft kiss lead to another and to a more passionate one to end up devouring each others lips. She sat on top of me while still kissing each other like if it was the air we needed to breathe, I took of her night gown. Very nice body she had. I looked at her naked skin sending me more electrifying sensations that now I could not stop.

I made us roll on the bed and now it was me on the charge. I kissed her everywhere, I touched her caressed her, whispered her whatever I had in mind and she giggled and she wrapped her legs around me and her hands holding me tightly her fingers grabbing me hard. I gave her pleasure with my mouth up until she could not handle anymore, I touch it like probably she was never touched before. I kissed every inch of it. And we became one and it was like a blur. I dont even know what I thought. I thought about my brother and what he could have done to her, I thought about her with my brother, I thought about the door of my room to open suddenly and my brother extremely upset on an horrendous face expression on fire to see me with his wife. Look brother this is the way to make love, like it? she loves it. She is happy now.

But the door never opened. We laid on each other arms and I dont even know why all of that happened. She then spoke to me, fingers curled on my hair, I could fall asleep to that. But I listened.

"I have never felt like this before" she said sweetly. I looked at her

"Isnt he a good lover?" I asked

"No" She doubted to continue talking but she did "He....just likes it when he wants it by force."

I completely knew what she was talking about. Again this was the 18th century and women were just to stay home, and marry, cook, clean, obey the husband, stay quiet and have babies. I thought about my mother and these days or nights Ive heard her and my father fight and imaged what happened and surely all 7 children she had was not an act of love.

"He is ... You know I dont like my him" I told her. "but I am happy to know you felt good now." I smiled to her, I knew I was a good lover. "It was very good ....very" then I kissed her. We did it again.

We had a few encounters every now and then, not every night after a long period of time. Secretly in my room after everyone was asleep or in her room when my brother was away or quickly at the barn... anytime the opportunity presented. I think once my mother saw us but she never said anything.

So yes, I bed my brothers wife a few times and no she never with child from me. Thank God! at least not that I am aware of! but no, months have passed after these encounters and she wasn't pregnant so it was all good.

God knows for this Ill go to hell, but how so much excitement and fun was. I deserve the punishment but no one will steal from me all these happy times. My only happy times in a rotten place with no love or nothing but hate and screams and fights, tears and hopes and dreams... I found my own happiness. I'm a brat. I love it. I need action and excitement in my life . I need something to happen if not ill make it happen.

ha!

And the thing is....I always do it with good intentions. To never hurt. To do it with love. What i think is good for people. Lelio makes people smile. Lelio makes people to forget their pains and sadness with his acts. Lelio plays onstage and offstage. I want to be Lelio, I am Lelio, I am Lestat.

[javierpenaspinkshirt]

Dear Diary

Javi x Diarist - One Shot

Warnings: brief mention of some NSFW activities, mentions of tight jeans, some Carrillo thirst because I’m only human.

Words: 2.7k.

Summary: writing in her diary, the Diarist documents her first few weeks at her new job and her first encounters of Javi.

Day one - Monday

Dear Diary,

Today was the first day of my new job! Mom said I should keep a diary so I can look back when I’ve been in the job awhile and see how much I’ve progressed. To be honest with you, Diary, I feel a bit daft writing in you… but hey ho! Maybe you’ll be fun to look back on?

Anyway! Today was the first day of my new life in Bogotá! I’m a secretary for the DEA at the American Embassy in the city – the building is a bit posh! The university isn’t too far away so I can easily get to my evening classes (studying History with Spanish) and even though I’m classed as a ‘mature’ student (mature! HAH!) I’m hoping I’ll make friends both at class and at work… maybe someone with a car so they can drive me, teehee!

It’s a group of five girls working as secretaries for the DEA. We have a good age range and I sit sort of in the middle of the group age-wise I think. They’re all really lovely, there’s two other Americans and two Colombians so a cool culture mix. Hopefully they all like me!

I didn’t do much work today, just shadowing the others and walking round to meet everyone. The agents all seem to keep to themselves. There’s two Americans down the hall from my desk – I didn’t catch their names (whoops) but apparently they’re the two I’ll spend the most time working with. I should introduce myself properly tomorrow.

I’m looking forward to my first Tuesday on the job!

Day two - Tuesday

Dear Diary,

Today was day two. It was good, there’s a lot of information to learn and it’s especially difficult to flick between English and Spanish in my brain… But I guess I’m new to all this and I’ll get the hang of it! One of the other secretaries – Erica – has promised to speak to me mostly in Spanish so I can get into the habit of speaking like a local, I thought that was sweet of her!

But that wasn’t the most interesting thing to happen today, Diary, oh no no! Today I met Javier and Steve. They’re the two Americans I’ll be working for mostly. Steve is nice, barely speaks any Spanish which I can tell frustrates him and Javier, but just like me he’ll get there! I think I might end up his interpreter… but he seems kind and he is really into the job! He’s got a wife and they haven’t lived in Bogotá all that long either so we have that in common! Well… the being new here… not the wife bit(!)

And then there’s Javier, who all the other secretaries call Javi… so I guess I will too. I can tell he’s going to be trouble. He came up to my desk after lunch just to tell me that he liked my blouse and that the color suited me! I have to admit he is very handsome… But he strikes me as the ‘would ruin your life for a shag’ type? That might be harsh and he does seem nice. The others all say he’s lovely and is a man you can depend on but he is a dreadful flirt!

I wish I’d had something smart to say back to him as he stood in front of my desk telling me he liked my blouse but honestly, Diary, I think I just whimpered?? I was so taken aback by it! If there’s a next time I’ll have to be smarter!

Day 3 - Wednesday

Dear Diary,

This morning Javi bought me a coffee and brought it to my desk. He actually apologised for trying to flirt with me yesterday! He was very sweet actually. He said he wanted to make sure we got off on the right foot so wanted to apologise if he made me uncomfortable! I told him he didn’t I was just surprised he would even notice me! He was very sweet and said something like ‘I’d have to be blind not to notice you’… wait was he flirting with me again??

Diary, I am going to have to get better at this!

Day 4 - Thursday

Dear Diary,

I think we have a situation. I think I might have a teeny little crush on Javi. I mean, I am certainly not the only one! All the girls seem to melt slightly when he talks to them… Except Coleen actually… somehow she’s immune to his charms… Maybe she’ll teach me?

I caught myself actually waiting for him to come over to me today because I was looking forward to chatting to him. He always seems to make time to chat to us all and sees us as actual people… a lot more than most of the other staff.

He does wear some insanely tight jeans though. It's like it's 1985 and he thinks he's Axl Rose! But Javi does look good in them... like really good… Oh dear… I think I fancy a government agent. Who have I become??

Day 5 - Friday

Dear Diary,

That was my first week! Done and dusted! I think it was good! Everyone has been so kind and supportive and Erica has even invited me out for drinks tomorrow night with some of her friends! I cant wait!

School is going well too, I had my first classes this week and I think I’m going to be okay! The subject material isn’t going to be easy, but we like a challenge don’t we, Diary?

Now back to the important stuff – Javi’s outfit of the day. I was sat at my desk making some phone calls when Javi walks passed in a pair of those damn jeans and a red shirt. He caught my eye as he walked passed and gave me a smile and – I shit you not – my brain kicked in to gear and I said:

‘Nice shirt, the colour suits you’ and I was so cool and casual with a little smirk on my face, Diary I have never played anything so cool in my life. I got a chuckle from him and a wink and I swear down I would have taken my panties off right then and there.

Diary, my mom can never read you.

Day 6 - Saturday

Dear Diary,

It’s pretty late as a write this but that’s because I’ve been out with Erica and her friends! A couple of the other girls from work joined us as well so it was a lot of fun! We just went to a bar and had a few drinks and a giggle.

Erica did tell me she noticed me “making eyes” at Javi in the week though and I must’ve turned as red as the strawberry daiquiri I was drinking because she laughed at me. She told me he is, to quote her, ‘a bit of a slut’ and that most of the girls in the city know him in the biblical sense... I don’t think that put me off? I mean it’s the 80’s, do we still shame people for having sex? And to be fair, here I am making heart eyes at a man I’ve known for a matter of days. So no, Diary, I don’t judge him for that.

But I also don’t think I’m going to pursue him? I’m certainly not looking for a boyfriend. Although as I write this down I kind of figure he’s not after a commitment either? I mean I don’t know him that well but what kind of man shamelessly flirts with the new secretary on her first day if he isn’t looking for some fun? Maybe that’s what I’m looking for?

Diary, no more daiquiris for me!

Day 7 – Sunday

Dear Diary,

I went shopping today. Not the boring food type of shopping, clothes shopping! It was a lot of fun actually! I got to explore the city a bit and although it has a reputation (and my mom would kill me if she knew) I actually felt fine walking around on my own! I was in the busy shopping streets mind and it was daylight, but I really think this city could feel like home!

I bought a couple of pairs of jeans because mine are old and raggedy and I got some new shirts and tops for work, but the buy of the day – a pencil skirt that makes my butt look like I’ve done a 100 squats a day since the day I was born. I mean, not to blow my own horn, but I look GOOD in it!

I’m going to wear it to work one day… And yes Diary, I know I might be playing with fire, but a little fun never hurt anyone?

Day 8 - Monday

Dear Diary,

I wore the skirt.

Oh my! The girls all gave me compliments on my ass and legs (which lets be honest is better than any compliment from any man!) so that was great!

I’ll be honest though, by the end of the day I wanted to rip it off myself… I had severely underestimated how difficult sitting in a pencil skirt for 8 hours would be. Lesson learned!

I did see Javi though. He didn’t say anything but I was stood up as he walked passed and his eyes were stuck on me for so long Steve had to practically drag him up the stairs. Diary, I was very pleased with myself!

Day 9 - Tuesday

Dear Diary,

I don’t know what it is about the American Embassy but somehow the building attracts the most beautiful men.

Today, Diary, I met Colonel Horacio Carrillo and believe me I have never seen such a MAN! He must be 90% shoulder and 10% snark because Diary he is built like a wall and has a mouth sharp enough to even shut up Javier Peña! Not that I was listening in, I was collecting some papers in their office as the Colonel was talking to Javi and Steve.

Steve introduced me to the Colonel and he shook my hand (Diary, his hand was the SIZE OF MY HEAD)… he was wearing a wedding ring though. I’m no home wrecker… but my god is he beautiful!

I did catch Javi’s eye before I left their office though and I’m sure I’m not making it up when I say there was a flash of jealousy. I thought I was being crazy and arrogant to think that but no, I’m sure! The Colonel was very polite to me, very courteous, and were he not a married man I would have wished I was wearing my new skirt again. Diary, I can not stress enough the thickness of this man’s arms.

Anyway, despite definitely having the hots for the Colonel, I think I’d still rather go out with Javi. If we put the whole Carrillo-is-married thing aside, I just think Javi is more my kind of guy? Up for a laugh, not too serious, likes a drink and likes a smoke... very pretty!

I think we’d have a lot of fun if we went out. I’m beginning to wonder if he thinks the same?

Day 10 - Wednesday

Dear Diary,

Today the five of us girls went out for lunch. It was great! They showed me their favourite café, great for people watching but far enough from the embassy that we weren’t just looking at officials in suits! Great food too, I really do love this city!

I was sat with Coleen at lunch and she told me Javi had caught her after I’d left work for class and asked her about me. Apparently he asked if I was single!! Coleen told him she didn’t know because she didn’t want to drop me in it if I wasn’t interested in him (bless you, Coleen!) but I definitely am interested! Diary, when she told me he’d asked about me my heart raced! Like I’m some kind of school girl!

I really do like him and I’d like to get to know him better. But I think I’ll give it some more time maybe?

Day 11 - Thursday

Dear Diary,

I spent the whole day look at Javier Peña and his black fucking shirt. Oh my god, Diary! I am in too deep. He walked passed my desk while I was on the phone today and I stopped listening completely so I could concentrate on his butt.

It is becoming a problem.

So I have resolved to do something about it. I have decided that I’m going to ask him out for a drink tomorrow night after work. Fingers crossed for me!

Day 12 - Friday

Dear Diary,

Well… it’s sort of actually Saturday… I didn’t have time to write in you yesterday, Diary because… well because I didn’t come home last night (!)

Let me explain the events of last night:

When I got to work yesterday morning Javi was sat at my desk. He was wearing that damn leather jacket that, for no reason at all other than its his, I find incredibly sexy and was waiting for me. He said good morning to me then got up to let me sit down.

He watched me as I took stuff out of my bag and settled in before, seemingly out of nowhere, he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink with him after work!

Diary, I was so uncool. I was like one of those nodding dogs people have in their car or on their desk.

He laughed and said he’d come by my desk to get me when we were done. I spent the entire day obsessing about whether it was a date or just a friendly drink? Erica was sure it was a date, so sure in fact she made me borrow her red lipstick and made me promise to wear it.

I did wear it. And was I glad I did!

He complimented me on it when he came by my desk to get me. As we left the building he put his arm out for me and we linked arms and walked down the street and Diary it was the easiest, loveliest conversation I’ve ever had! He made me feel so at ease straight away, it was sort of like I’d known him for ages?

We actually ended up at the same bar I’d been to the weekend before… so I was back on the daiquiris!

We talked for ages, right up until closing but it was still like there was so much more to say! When we eventually got turfed out of the bar we ended up walking the streets, arm in arm again, laughing and chatting. Diary, it was lovely!

Turns out he only lives a few blocks away from my place but his is closer to the bar. We stopped at his door and he invited me up. I’ll be honest, I hesitated… but I was wearing his leather jacket (he’d let me wear it for the walk home) and he’d been such a gentleman, well I couldn’t resist the smile on his face!

So I ended up sat on his sofa as he told me about work and fixed me a whiskey… I don’t know what possessed me but when he came over to give me my glass I stood up and kissed him!

Diary, you know me, I’ve never been particularly forward! I blame those daiquiris… but oh no, it didn’t end at a kiss.

Before I knew it we were pulling each other's clothes off (I didn't even mind that he ripped one of my new tops)! I don't know if it's because he's well practised or he's just one of those guys that knows what he's doing... but lord did he know what he was doing!

Before I knew it he had me on my back on his sofa, screaming his name and Diary… well what can I say… I’ve had to write this all down quickly because I’ve just come home to shower and get a change of clothes before he comes to pick me up. That’s right, we’re going out again tonight!!

Diary, don’t wait up!

[mxillusion]

Hi there! Could I request Hyungwon, with the friends to lovers/fake dating trope, and prompts 4 and 11? I loved your Wonho piece and I cant wait to see more of your stuff!

Hey, cutie-pie! ♡ Thank you so, so much for your kind words. I’m so happy you liked that Wonho blurb and decided to request something. I had sooo much fun writing this. Friends to lovers is my guilty pleasure trope. I just love that shit so much. 🥰 Hope it turned out the way you wanted it to be. Happy reading, love. ♡ 

Just give me a sign

#4 - “I know we were trying to get him jealous, but you got me jealous instead.”

#11 - “Wait, wait. Say that again. Please.”

Genre/Warnings: fluffy fluff, it’s soooo fluffy! :D

Words count: 2200+

Summary: You did it again. After everything you’ve been trough, you actually did it again. This time things will change, but you’re too afraid of it to let it happen, so you try to brush those feelings aside. But maybe things need to change.“

“Hey stranger.”

Your best friend sled next to you at the bar, raising his brows as he inspected the drink right in front of you, almost emptied by you within the shortest time. He ordered two more, not even asking if you’d be okay with that. 

“Bit too pretty to be sitting at the bar on your own, aren’t you?”

You snorted at that line. “Ah, well, thank god you’ve come to my rescue.”

Hyungwons expressions turned a little more serious. “Jokes aside, why are you all on your own? Wasn’t this supposed to be your super-duper-magical date night?”

The smirk on his face washed away, as he realized you weren’t in the mood for jokes, at all. He placed his palm on your shoulder, his thumb gently stroking over the fabric of your shirt. 

“It was. But it seems as if he forgot.” You sighed, supporting your head with one arm. “I’m waiting for over an hour now.”

“What a jerk.”

You turned your head, looking at Hyungwon for the first time this evening. “And what exactly are you doing here?” Yes, he knew you had a date tonight but you did not tell him where you would go, because you already knew he’d probably check that guy out. 

“Well… maybe I took a look at your phone, while you weren’t around!? Just maybe.” He grinned cheekily, hoping you wouldn’t rip his head off in front of everyone. And under other circumstances, you probably would’ve done just that, but you were just too devastated. 

“Hm”, you mumbled, not even understanding what he said. You were in deep thoughts, asking yourself how you could’ve ended up like this again. It’s not like this had happened to you in the past, but the fact that men always seemed to disappoint you was once more proven. So why did you do this to yourself all over again? Going on dates just to meet one bummer after the other!?

“Look, Y/N, just forget that scumbag and let’s make the best out of it. I’m here, I don’t have plans for tonight and if I’m hearing this right they just put on our favorite song!“ 

You tried to smile, appreciating Hyungwon trying to cheer you up again. He was just the best friend you ever could’ve possibly imagined. He was beyond unique. 

Just when you were about to stand up, to go on the dance floor together, you unintentionally glanced at someone, coming up behind him. Your eyes widened and you automatically hid behind Hyungwons tall frame, before he could see you too. 

“Y/N? What are you doing?”

“Sssh!” You hissed, closing your eyes as if that would make you invisible. “I’m hiding”, you whispered, what was unnecessary since the music was drowning you anyway. 

“Yeah, I can see that.” He leaned in so he could whisper too. “But why?”

“He’s here. It seems like he’s looking for me.”

Hyungwon turned around to make sure you didn’t just imagine that, but you were right. He had seen this dude on photos after he had to beg you a thousand times to let him see your date. It took just three minutes until you’d regret this decision as he made fun of the other one instantly. Saying he had stupid looking hair, an oversized nose, and such things. In fact, he was super cute, looked very handsome and seemed like the nicest guy you’ve met in a really long time. Well, clearly you were wrong.

You leaned aside, checking if he was still there and that’s when he saw you too. In a panic you did what’s randomly coming to your mind, as you cupped Hyungwons face with your hands, pulling him close to press your lips on his. 

For a split second, he wasn’t reacting at all, but then he wrapped his arms around your body while he gently kissed you back. His eyes were closed, so as yours, and for a second everything else didn’t matter anymore. You never would’ve guessed you’d kiss your best friend. Again. And you never would’ve guessed you’d… enjoy it. Again.

That’s when you suddenly back away, realizing what you just did. You glanced over to where the other guy was still standing. Hyungwon reacted withing seconds, turning around to him while he still held you in his arm. He pulled you flush against his body, tilting his head while he studied the other one’s expression.

“Next time don’t be late if you have a beautiful girl waiting for you”, your best friend said, grinning mischievously. That’s when the other one disappeared without saying a word.

Thank god, he was gone! But you had a whole other problem now, standing right in front of you, looking at you with widened eyes. 

“Did you just kiss me?”

“I’m sorry. I panicked, okay?”, you said breathlessly before he could’ve said something more. Your cheeks turned red in embarrassment and you had to look away. What the hell did you just do?

You expected him to laugh at you, but he remained to stay quiet. For a second you thought you’d screwed it up, but all of a sudden his expression got softer again as he lightly smirked at you. “Did you at least enjoy it?”

You blushed even more while you still couldn’t look at him. “No.”

He chuckled while he grabbed his drink to empty it at one gulp. “Oh, I think you did”, he said, teasing you a little more than necessary. “Let’s get outa here and eat some ice cream or something.”

***

Later that evening you two were lying on your couch with lots of chocolate ice cream, all cuddled up, not even thinking about that stupid kiss anymore. Things didn’t need to get complicated all over again and you’re glad you managed to handle it somehow. Your friendship probably wouldn’t survive another of your sudden-like emotional outbursts. It was a miracle it did the first time, though. 

You remembered how everything seemed to fall apart about a year ago. Somehow things got a lot more complicated as you persuade yourself of falling for your best friend. You acted all weird until he asked you what was going on. Within the blink of an eye, you kissed him. Just like you did today. Things got weird afterward, but you never spoke about it and tried to move on. Just like you did today.

So much for not thinking about the godforsaken kiss anymore. You snorted silently, shaking your head annoyed of yourself. 

“Is something wrong?”, you heard him ask, so you shook your head once more, this time much faster.

“I just need more ice cream.” That’s when you stood up, glad about the fact you gained some distance. Somehow you fooled yourself once more, feeling some strange tingling in your belly while you’re looking at him. You needed to get away from him as soon as possible. 

Standing in the kitchen you gave yourself a moment to breathe deeply and recollect yourself. Something’s totally getting out of control and once more you had no idea how things could go that wrong. 

“Y/N?” You heard him entering the kitchen, but you weren’t able to respond properly. “What’s wrong?”, he asked again, this time much more concerned than before. 

“Nothing”, you replied, trying to grin cheekily, even though you should’ve known you couldn’t deceive him. He was your best friend after all.

He still was looking at you in some strange kind of way and the first time in forever there was this awkward silence between the two of you. Hyungwon sighed while he made his way to you just to stop right in front of you. “Are you sure? Do I need to worry about anything?”

You looked up at him, lightly shaking your head and not blinking one time. You just stared at him, still trying to regain control of your spinning emotions. Somehow you felt some kind of tension between the two of you but you weren’t sure if you just imagined this either.

“I’m just… super tired, you know? Maybe you should go home now!?”, you said, even though it sounded like a question. 

“Yeah. Maybe.”

He sighed again in order to put his well-known smile back on. “Well, good night then. See you tomorrow." 

You tried to return that smile but didn’t know if you succeded. But he left anyway, leaving you behind with all your confusing emotions. 

***

In the next few days, you find yourself avoiding Hyungwon and acting very weird when you replied to his messages as short as possible. He’d called you a few times but you didn’t answer any of his calls just to apologize for being super busy at the moment. 

You refused to believe, what you had already subconsciously realized. There was no way everything started all over again. It just couldn’t be.

Why the hell did you have that brilliant idea to kiss him after all? That was by far the dumbest decision to ever make and you brainiac did it anyways. Deep down you knew you shouldn’t have done this, but you had no time to think straight in this godforsaken moment. But at what cost?

Your phone rang again, making you twitch in your chair and you sighed heavily, turning it around so you wouldn’t have to see the face of him over and over again. You mentally smacked yourself for acting this stupid, but you just couldn’t help yourself. Who would’ve guessed your long time forgotten feelings for Hyungwon would rise in the pit of your stomach all over again? You were so sure you’d buried those stupid butterflies as deep as possible, promising yourself you’d never allow them to ever come back again. 

But they did. 

So you tried to distract yourself by working way too much, watching some tv, playing stupid games on your phone or listening to some music, as long as the song wasn’t about love. 

But this evening you couldn’t dodge him any longer, because he’d decided to pick you up from work. 

"What are you doing here, Hyungwon?”, you asked with a deep-drawn sigh, walking past him. 

“Why are you avoiding me?”

You didn’t respond as you tried to dodge his worried gaze. Why the hell did he have to look at you like this? It made everything even worse for you. 

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You’re not answering any of my calls and you act so super weird when you text me. If you text me at all.” He grabbed your arm to hold you back, but you shook it off. “Don’t try to fool me. We’re best friends, remember? I know when something’s wrong with you. I can feel it. And I’m not blind either.”

“Just skip it, okay? I’m fine!" 

You went one step further just to stop again. "But I’m not.”

Slowly you turned around to look at him for the first time that evening. 

“We can’t keep doing this, Y/N!" 

"What do you mean?”, you asked, making a few steps towards him. You felt a stinging pain inside your chest, right where your heart was. 

“This is wrecking my heart! I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I don’t want to pretend as if everything’s okay anymore. Because it isn’t. It isn’t since you’ve kissed me the first time. Why the hell did you do this, Y/N?”, he babbled, without thinking about it. He was so tired of pretending as if you were just friends. You were for the longest time, but things have changed drastically. 

“I-i don’t k-know…”

“You do know. And so do I.”

It felt as if your heart would leap out of your chest. Yes, you knew. And the fact that he knew as well terrified you. But you couldn’t let this happen anyway. You did not want to take that risk at all. You just couldn’t. 

“And the other day…” He paused, considering what to say. “I know we were trying to get him jealous, but you got me jealous instead”, he said, his voice cracking. 

Your heart was aching painfully as you heard that, knowing you’d obviously hurt him deeply. That was the last thing you wanted. 

“Say something, Y/N, anything. Please.”

“I love you.”

You haven’t thought this through, those three words had left your mouth before even realizing it. But now it was said and you strangely didn’t regret saying it. Somehow it felt liberating to finally admit it. Not only to him but yourself as well. 

“Wait, wait. Say that again. Please.” He moves forward just to stop right in front of you. He was just as close as he was in your kitchen the other night. But this time it wasn’t awkward. Like, not at all. 

“I-i love you, Hyungwon. I tried to fight this, but I just can’t. And I don’t want to anymore. Maybe I lost my mind, maybe I’m ruining everything by saying it, but it’s the truth.” A single tear ran down your cheek, without you noticing it, this all was way too much to handle.

With one quick movement, he overcame the last distance as his lips crashed on yours just to send you straight to heaven. It hasn’t been the first time you kissed, apparently, but it was the first time he kissed you. His hands cupped your face, holding it in place while he kissed you that eagerly, it took your breath away. 

Your fingers clung on to his jacket so tight, it almost hurt. Your heart was throbbing painfully, but it was a sweet pain and you never wanted to miss this feeling again. 

Finally, after all this time, he was yours and you were his. 

[rorynne]

Time Lost (Rewrite) Ch 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader

Summary: An accident during a mission sends you back in time to the second world war. There you enlist the help of Peggy Carter, Steve Rogers, and Bucky Barnes to find the object that can send her back.

Warnings: not much bucky but he will be more present going forward

Word count: 2.7k

A/N: This is a rewrite of an OC fic that I have been writing and been wanting to turn into a reader Fic. Im unsure if I will be continuing the OC fic currently, I may just transfer it completely to my reader Fic. Currently 6 chapters are up of the OC fic, and I shall be posting a rewritten chapter every few days on here.

Masterlist

Prologue

Storm clouds hung heavy in the sky as you sat in the back of a jeep bound for the current SSR base in Italy. Almost two years of searching and there was barely any information on the bell to go off of. It was beyond frustrating. At this rate, you were starting to wonder if you would ever get back to your time. Granted, all of the documents you brought back were dated 1943 or later, chances were development on the bell had only just begun. And if that were the case, hopefully, it wasn't going to take them seventy years to finish.

Your general lack of ability to change anything also proved to be frustrating as hell. Only Peggy knew of your true origins. They had both decided against going around saying you were from the future, god only knew that would just get them both locked up. However, as a result, that meant you were far less likely to be believed any time you tried to keep an event from happening if you lacked any evidence. you never thought you would sympathize with Cassandra.

“I was beginning to wonder when you'd show up.” A familiar voice teased as the jeep came to a halt. You smiled as you saw Peggy waiting to inspect the arriving convoy. Peggy had managed to make the last two years far more bearable, becoming quick friends with you.

“You know me,” You said, jumping out of the back of the jeep. “I like to keep everyone guessing.”

Peggy smiled as you approached. “Perhaps a little too much.” She accused. “How was Paris?”

You shrugged and canted your head, “Beautiful city, great food, interesting history.” You crossed your arms. “Too bad I wanted to shoot the majority of my company.”

“I trust you were able to resist the temptation?” Said Peggy eyeing you in amusement.

“Figured I would let the boys have the nazi killing fun for now.” You sniffed indignantly. “Kind of regret it now. At least then I would have something to account for coming back.”

“No luck on the bell?”

“No luck on anything.” You corrected, “A whole lot of Nazis but no hydra. It seems the intel we had was either old or false.”

Peggy nodded at one of the soldiers carrying a crate from a truck. “You think they’ve caught on to us?”

You chewed your cheek. “I'm not sure. I can't say they knew I was coming, or I’d be dead. Or at least so I would assume. I don't see any reason why they would keep me alive knowing I'm a spy. But at the same time, there wasn't a single member of hydra there. I've never seen that before, usually there's at least one.

Peggy narrowed her eyes. “If we aren't being fed false information then somethings happening.”

“And whatever it is, I think the ones outside of hydra are just about as in the dark as we are. Hydra’s making a play, a big one.”

“A faction split?” Peggy offered.

“It's possible. But if it's that, they've got to be pretty confident that they can win.” You scratched the back of your neck, entirely unsure of what to make about any of it.

Peggy nodded, “If what the surviving 107th are saying is true, it seems they've got just that.” Seemingly content with the convoy, Peggy started towards the SSR command tent. “Your history books say anything about this?”

You followed close behind. “About the 107th? Not much. They get captured, Captain America comes in and saves the day singlehandedly. Dunno how much stock I put into to all that personally. Lotta things about the Cap and hydra got covered up after the war by shield. Especially in the history books.”

Peggy frowned, walking into the tent. “I can believe it. I've seen Rogers in action, unfortunately, the army seems content parading him around America singing about war bonds.

Your eyebrows shot up. “Excuse me, what?”

“Peggy gestured to the poster hanging from a support beam of the tent. “Captain America,” it read, “on tour: Allied bases across Europe and North Africa.” You bit your lip to keep from laughing, this was not how you ever imagined meeting Captain America.

“They, they really have him singing?” You said, fighting to keep a straight face.

“Dancing at the very least,” said Peggy, not sounding the slightest bit amused. “Bloody waste if you ask me. He’ll be arriving and preforming here tomorrow.”

You shook your head, still staring at the poster. “I wouldn't miss it for the world.”

The captain's performance was, frankly, every bit as hilarious as you expected. The rest of the crowd, however, didn't seem to agree. Instead, they demanded the dancing girls come back on stage. You grimaced as the famous Steve Rogers walked off stage, noticeably embarrassed. The Captain America you knew was a hero, a legend even. But this was before all of his exploits before he saved the world more times than you could count. He barely seemed to be the same man.

You held back for a time, figuring he would want space after such a humiliation. But, as the rain that had been threatening for two days now began to pour, you went searching for him. Surely there was something that pushed him out of the theater and into heroism because he was far better at the latter. Whose brilliant idea even was it to have him dancing around in the first place?

You found him with Peggy, taking refuge from the rain under a wooden awning behind the stage. Peggy's face was stern as you neared, “And these are your only options? Lab rat or dancing monkey?”

“War hero seems like a fun third option.” You cut in, earning a raised eyebrow from Peggy. “Or, you know, literally anything else.”

He looked at you with apprehension and confusion as Peggy took a patient breath. “What Agent L/N means, is you were meant for more than this.”

You extended a hand to him. “Sorry, my humor isn't for everyone. Y/N L/N.”

He nodded, shaking your hand. “Steve Rogers.” He sighed as his attention was pulled to an arriving red cross truck. “These men look like they've gone through hell.”

You crossed your arms, “They've gone through war.”

“These men more than most. They're what's left of the 107th.” Peggy agreed and you winced. What these men had seen seemed to make hell seem heavenly.

Steves' eyes went wide. “The 107th?” He was up and running to the command tent before Peggy could even respond. You and Peggy shared a glance before chasing after him through the rain.

Col. Phillips sat signing what were presumably condolence letters at his desk in the back fo the tent as steve rushed up to him. Phillips looked up just barely before returning to the letters. “If it isn't the star-spangled man with a plan. What do I own the pleasure.”

“I need the casualty list from Azzano,” Steve said with unexplained urgency.

Phillips looked up from his papers with a glare. “You don't get to give me orders.”

“I just need one name,” Steve continued, “Sergeant James Barnes of the 107th.” The name tugged the back of your memory, you had heard it somewhere before, in a museum maybe? That was right, you recalled the handsome picture of a soldier engraved in stone in the howling commando exhibit at the Smithsonian. He had been the one that died. Steve lost his best friend. You gave him a pitiful look as he argued with Phillips, you had always thought that Barnes became a commando before dying.

“But I don't expect you to understand that because you're a chorus girl.” Phillips's harsh words pulled you out of your thoughts.

“I think I understand just fine,” Steve responded coolly.

“Then understand it somewhere else, if I read the posters right you have somewhere to be in 30 minutes.” Phillips moved passed him to look over maps with another officer, making his stance on the conversation clear.

“Yes sir,” Steve said, studying the large map board in front of him, “I do.” He turned on his heels and rushed out of the tent, leaving you and Peggy in his wake.

“I’ll go after him,” Peggy whispered to you. “We need maps and supplies, whatever you can think of, then meet us in the hangar as soon as you can.”

You nodded letting Peggy follow after Steve. You stood there for a moment, pretending to study the map board before quickly and casually taking a smaller map off Col. Phillips desk and slipping it into your coat. With a nod to the nearest officer, you walked out of the tent and into the rain.

Already thoroughly drenched from your previous two treks thought the rain, you didn't bother trying to shield yourself from the downpour as you made your way to the nearest storehouse. Knowing Peggy, they were probably going to get court-martialed with whatever she had planned, so might as well go the whole hog and steal any supplies Steve might need.

You grabbed a gunny sack as soon as you entered the storeroom and started filling: A compass, multiple rations of food, a blanket, flashlight, rope, matches. Anything and everything that you could think of that he might need should he get lost. ‘Cause God knows, the way he was charging off, he damn well didn't consider any of this.

“Hey!” A guard called to you. “You aren't authorized to take any of this!”

You slung the sack over your shoulder as the guard approached. “Youll find that I am, private.” You bluffed. “Under official SSR orders. Unless that is, you want to waste Col Phillips time clearing it with him first?” The guard blanched at the mention of Phillips's name.

“No, Ma’am!” He said quickly, stepping out of your way. You gave a sharp nod before escaping the warehouse. you started toward the Hangar before pausing and looking at the stage. A devilish smile came over you as you changed your course.

The backstage was empty when you entered, likely all the actors and dancers were still on break, leaving the costumes unguarded. Because, really, who on earth would want to steal them, besides you. You hummed the tune to ‘star-spangled man’ as you picked up a helmet with a large white ‘A’. One thing was for sure, steve was going to save the 107th in (extremely questionable) style.

Peggy, Steve, and Stark were waiting at the hangar when you arrived, helmet in hand, a grin plastered across your face. “You know, for a star-spangled man with a plan, I'm wondering if you've ever had a plan in your life.” You teased, handing him the helmet and sack of supplies.

Steve gave you a look as he fiddled with the helmet, “In all fairness ma’am, you haven't known me long.”

“First impressions mean a lot, Rogers.” You shrugged, moving onto Peggy. “Though I’m not sure if this plan is much better than no plan,” You said in a low voice only Peggy could hear.

“We don't have many other options at the current moment.” Peggy defended as Steve and Stark boarded the plane. “Unless you somehow convinced Col. Phillips to give us an army.”

“I'm not a miracle worker.” You sighed.

“You said he was able to do this single-handed, we just need to have faith.” Peggy took a deep breath, even she didn't seem completely convinced.

You nodded, “Time to prove the history books right. I’ll stay grounded to try to keep the colonel distracted. Go.” You gave a mock salute as the plane took off, leaving you behind.

Keeping Phillips occupied until the plane returned proved to be quite easy. He was already extremely busy, and with some strategic playing dumb and careful excuses as to why you were doing Peggy's work, he was none the wiser until the plane landed the next morning. Then the shit hit the fan.

Steve didn't come back. Two weeks after the flight to Austria and there was absolutely no sign of him either. Phillips was furious, you did everything in your power to avoid him, though you knew it wouldn't be long before consequences came. There was a good possibility that your chance to get home was lost if Steve didn't show up.

You sat on the ground against a tree, picking at your fingers. At this point, you didn't even care about getting home. Instead, you couldn't shake the guilt of getting an avenger killed before the avengers were even a thing. The guilt of it alone made it difficult for you to even sleep at night. you would have gone into Austria yourself to find him, if Phillips hadn't expressly forbidden it, and kept an armed guard on you 24/7 as a baby sitter.

“You look like a child that's been sent to the headmaster,” Peggy said looking down at you.

You nodded, “Feel like it too.”

“Do you regret helping him?” Peggy asked, voice tight.

You sighed and looked up at her, “I regret not helping him more.” You admitted, “I teased him about not having a plan, and then didn't even try to give him one. I could have followed that dumbass into Austria myself.” The young soldier acting as your baby sitter shifted uncomfortably. “Stop acting like you've never heard a woman fucking swear Simmons.”

“Y-yes ma’am” He stammered and you rolled your eyes.

“We did everything we could for him,” Peggy reassured, ignoring Simmons. “He would have walked to Austria if we didn't help him.”

You laughed weakly, “I’ve done stupider things.” You paused for a beat, biting your lip, “Peggy, I, I’m sorry about this all. I could tell how much you liked him.”

Peggy swallowed, “Yes, well. I'm glad he wasn't stuck as a dancing monkey.” She cleared her throat, “I'm going to speak with Col. Phillips if you would like to join me.”

You scoffed, “No, I'd rather him find me if he wants to chew me out.” Peggy nodded and left you sitting under your tree. No doubt Phillips would be in a bad mood. He was finally calling off the searches today, officially labeling Steve Rogers as KIA. God, if only you had just gone with him as back up, at least then either he would be alive or you’d be too dead to care.

You threw your head back in frustration as hoots and hollers came from the front of the camp. Soldiers began running to the gates, curious, you joined them. You gasped when you saw what the soldiers were congregating for.

A hundred some odd men came marching through the gates, Steve Rogers, Captain America, leading the way. Cheers rippled through the crowd as the group walked through the camp, stopping in front of Col. Phillips. You slipped between the men in efforts to get a better view.

“Hey!” The man next to steve yelled, making you freeze, surprised, as you saw the familiar handsome face of a man you had only seen in museum exhibits. “Let's hear it for Captain America!” The crowd roared, men throwing their caps in the air, whistling, yelling, clapping. You found yourself clapping too as Barnes’s eyes locked onto yours for a brief moment. He smiled faintly as he caught sight of you, a sparkle of something in his steel-blue eyes as you shifted your attention to finding Col. Phillips.

You moved through the crowd in search of him, only to find him missing from it. you soon found him exactly where you expected him to be, the SSR command tent. you wore a sly smirk that would have read ‘I told you so” Had he bothered to look up at you. Instead, he focused on packing away his desk. “Don't think for a moment that just because Captain Rogers came back that you're off my shit list Agent L/N.”

You frowned, “He saved at least a hundred and fifty men. I played a part in that.”

“And that’s exactly why I'm not court martialing you for theft of government property.” He said as he tucked away a folder into a box. “Tell Agent Carter to pack her things, we’re returning to London for debriefing first thing tomorrow.”

You scowled, “Yes sir.”

[bbbad-blood]

🦇Vamp+werewolf AU🌕|| PRIVATE RP for @two-facesone-body

She walked across the bedroom and pass the bed, only her waist down visible. The apartment was spacious enough but still small, set up in a vertical manor. The bed lie just after the entrance of the bathroom, a pole horizontally attached, close to the ceiling, hung a pushed aside curtain that could completely separate the other half of the room.

Beyond that was a work space with a desk, printer and computer and just behind that sat a small couch that faced a long window, it too, holding thick curtains pushed away on either side; the view from it showed the very tops of buildings.

An easel with a half finished painting rest forgotten to the right of the couch, half covered by a sheet. A mirror hung just above the dresser which sat just to the side of the left curtain by the window; trinkets lied on the dresser while some art pieces decorated the wall.

She headed toward the computer desk, her combat boots weighing heavy even on the carpet as she swiftly tossed a backpack onto mattress without so much as a glance to it; it landing hard by the end of the bed. She printed something out, papers taped to the wall just above it; one had an elegant heading but the rest of the font was in a strange language-covered in odd red symbols that looked painted.

She took the papers from the printer then snatched one of the taped papers from the wall-an exact copy of the the one in a strange langue but the red paint wasn’t there; she put them in her backpack and zipped it up. Passing the computer again, she heading toward the window and knocked on it twice, her hand gloved. A eerie purple symbol appeared, looking like a summoning circle then quickly spread over the entire area of the window, now looking like a purple x wire fence and after a moment it slowly disappeared.

She bent down slightly, swiping her phone from the couch and only got one step passed the dresser before a voice sounded from the mirror; she froze. “...Don’t keep me waiting—“ cutting it off-not even a second before this voice finished, her fist slammed into the mirror, shattering it. She panted hard, fury clear in it as her hand still lied in the middle of the mirror before she slowly removed it.

Looking at the mirror, her reflection was distorted with the breaks as pieces fell, breaking into more pieces as they hit the the top of the dresser. Still panting-but a bit softer now, her porcelain white hand was trembling in pain by her side, stained red with her blood as it dripped onto the carpet. She stared just another moment, shaking off the blood-her wounds miraculously healing themselves in seconds-before giving a growl like sigh.

Slinging the bag over her shoulder, she headed out the door, it slamming so hard behind her almost all the glass from the mirror fell to the dresser top. The same purple glowing symbol appeared on the back of the door, it too making itself into an X wire fence before disappearing. Going back to the dresser, just close enough by it on the floor lie more smaller mirrors, all broken and half hidden by the red curtain.

———————————————————

A large man smacked his coffee cup off the table, it hitting the wall as he groaned heavily and held between his eyes. “Were never going to find anyone in time!” He complained, sighing, the other men at the table looking at each other for answers but coming up empty when there was a knock at the door. “WHAT?!!” The Head man shouted, letting his arm hit the table a bit hard when the door slowly opened, heels clicking against the floor as the women from before entered, wearing a fancy, white, bell sleeved collared top with a high waisted corset skirt that flared out at the bottom. She wore white tights you couldn’t see through, shiny black heels on her feet while her blonde hair was up in a bun, some of her bangs hanging to the side of her face stylishly.

She appeared to be 7ft tall, having to bend down to get through the door but stood before them intimidating and confident. A moment of silence came into the room, each man reacting in shock seeing the scars that littered her face-the damage this women had received-though it ended quickly, it lasted a second too long- when suddenly the head man suddenly stood.

“Vampires aren’t allowed on these grounds-get out!!” He demanded when a small man came in from behind her.

“...Not without an escort” he said with a smirk, standing by her side with his arms behind his back; the room fell silent with question. “I believe my client here is the answer to all your problems”

“Your client?” One man asked a bit shocked.

“A vampire?” The Head man laughed, giving them an angry smile. “I forbid it”

“Nothing in your publication stated Vampires cannot...audition” The small man said holding up a piece of paper, the Head man sneering angrily.

“This publication was designed to ONLY be read by OUR kind-enchanted to not be told through word of mouth, magical or otherwise—how in the hell did you manage to find out about this?!!” He shouted at her, getting slightly red in the face.

“...I have my ways” She spoke calm but cryptically, the men in the room looking at one another with clear discomfort.

“Why in the world would we ever trust her kind? -especially with our leader?” He asked, still fuming; the small man smirked.

“I believe she said she’s willing to take the dragon oath?” The whole room gasped, even the big man surprised as the small one turned to the vampire. “Isn’t That right, Miss?” He asked playfully, knowing the answer already. She didn’t look at him, just stared intensely at the head man, lowering her head a bit in a nod, silently confirming. The man stared at her, angry but shocked as his chest rose noticeably up and down before he huffed, gazing to side in conflicted thought; he said nothing fir a long moment.

“....Two minutes” He glared at her. “That’s all you get blood sucker” She just looked at him, stoic.

Now standing in the middle of an incredibly large room, resembling a battlefield, the group of men watched her from the previous room behind class, way, way up high on the wall. “She’s fooling herself if she thinks she can do this job, our best men couldn’t even come close to passing-what makes her think she, a women and a vampire can get through it”

“You're about to eat your words, Mr. Macklyn” The small man said, looking down at her with a soft smirk. “Give her everything you’ve got” The big man huffed.

“Oh, I will” he gave a deadly promise then took a hold of his ear piece. “The onslaught, Macklyn code: 46780G”

“Yes, sir” the voice on the other end answered and he lowered his hand, gazing down with distaste when an alarm went off. The vampire below began looking around as the red lights fulled the room and she slowly unsheathed her sword, almost nonchalantly.

“I hope she brought her coffin, because shes going to be buried again” he spoke confidently, just waiting for the blood bath to start with a hard expression; the small man just kept that knowing smirk on his face-also waiting for blood bath of different proportion. “Warning, Vampire. You are not allowed to kill anyone-only disarm or incapacitate”

“...Now where’s the fun in that” she mumbled, lightly bouncing her sword against her leg when a different noise sounded-a buzzing And suddenly dozens of doors opened all at once revealing warriors armed with all types of weapons-some just large enough to handle themselves empty handed-and in a flash all they all charged at her. She didn’t move from her spot, waiting until the very last moment moment and disappeared-forcing all the men to stop, searching for her; a few seconds of silence draw by when suddenly blood SPLATTERED against the glass, startling all the businessmen behind it.

“(!)-Wha—I cant!” The large man walked up to the glasses again, hiring it hard; there was barley enough clean glass to see what was going on behind it. “-GET SOMEONE!!!” This man demanded, looking back at a few of the others who ran out of the room to get help. The big man tried to get what small glimpses he could from the small pieces not covered in red, growling low in his throat when he sharply turned to the small man who had barley moved. “What kind of game is that she-devil PLAYING?!” He shouted.

“Just watch” he replied calmly when the big man grabbed him y the collar.

“I CANT!!!!” He shouted, hitting the glass with the side of his fist when it suddenly cracked, the man sharply looking at it-clearly not meaning to hit as hard as he did. He dropped the smaller man, backing up as the all glass began to fall, slowly revealing the battle field. His eyes gradually widened, his jaw dropping when he could finally see; the women standimg in the middle of dozens upon dozens of fallen men and women, just nonchalantly wiping the blood off her sword with another persons shirt.

The other men came running back into the room with the fourth person they needed to clean the window but froze, dumbstruck as the big man was just gaping at the scene below them-too shocked for words. She turned to them as she sheathed her sword. “Do we have a deal?” She raised her voice up to them, it echoing in the large room; the big man said nothing, still at a total loss for words.

__________________________________________

The women was sitting with her legs crossed in the middle of a couch, reading; the large man yelling at the others incoherently behind a door that faced her. After another long moment of talking he came out, looking angry as ever, a few men glaring at her whole the others just looked worried. “....You...” he sighed, as if forcing himself to speak again. “have passed the qualifications needed for this mission” he spoke through his teeth; she just looked at him, book still opened.

“If you take the dragon oath as promised...” He grinder his teeth a bit, clenching his eyes closed a moment before looking away from her. “You’re hired” you could tell it physically hurt him to say it. “But...” She didn’t move keeping his eyes on him. “You will have to wait until our Head Alpha becomes available” she paused just a second, closing the book loudly before placing it aside as she got up, calmly walking over to them. Some men backed away, others tensed up; the big man stood in place but sweat dripped from his forehead as she came within a foot, looking down at him with cold, grey eyes.

“Where is he?” She asked with ice in her tone.

__________________________________________

She stood in front of the two large doors, men calling after her from far down the hall, unseen. She looked down at the door, tilting her head slightly with a bit of curiosity as if silently saying ‘How should I open this?’ Continuing to ignore the men as they called, she took a step back, holding her hand, palm out, facing the door. Her hand began to glow blue, her hair slowly raising from the power when suddenly-on the other side the door burst open, wind GUSTING into the room for a good few seconds. When it began to settle down she sauntered in, now standing still at the front of the room, her cold, unfeeling eyes locked on the head Alpha.

[ancientbooshartifacts]

Could You Ever Love Me?

Author: Vous_et_moi

Year: 2008

Rating: R

Pairing: Mike/Dave

“We should tidy up, Mike”

Dave swung one leg idly down off of Noels bed, it was a sham that movement, he had no intention of getting the other leg off of the bed, or getting up at all, he was comfy, Noels bed was huge and soft and bouncy with hot pink sheets. It must have cost a fuck load this bed.

“Mmm Yeah we should really tidy up.” Mike stretched beside him, letting his t shirt ride up, he scratched his head and mussed up his hair before grinning, “But I don’t think I will, I think I’ll just lie here and hope it tidies up itself.”

Dave grinned and swung his leg back up onto the bed, rolling over until he could lie on his stomach, “I don’t think it will Mike. And I think Noel is goanna be pissed at you if you don’t make the effort to maybe sort out the living room at least.”

Mike snorted and moved his hand down to his chest, leaving it there casually, in his other hand was the remote, he flicked through the channels, wrinkling his nose every time he caught sight of a soap, “He shouldn’t have given us his place while he was away then should he. House sitting, honestly? How paranoid is he?”

“Well, he did get broke into last time, and all them paintings nicked.”

Mike frowned, remembering “Yeah, and Dee’s diary, she was well upset, cried for like a fortnight. But I aint seen it kicking about anywhere on the internet and believed me I’ve looked,” Mike nodded and yawned. It was 10 past 12 in the afternoon, and they had been awake for roughly 15 minutes, sharing Noels bed the night before neither wishing to crash out on Noel’s lumpy sofa that may well have been direct form the sixties. They’d bunked together loads of times before, Mike was used to Dave’s deep breathing, Dave was used to Mike never lying still. “Pass us that cherryade Dave, my legs don’t work.”

Dave tutted and rolled his eyes, but made no effort to move. It was just a lazy Sunday, he didn‘t have to do anything for anyone. What time had they got in last night? Must have been near to four in the morning. “Lazy boy. Poor Dee, I bet it’s somewhere, like those total obsessive pages, but they’ll be keeping her secrets sacred, not realizing how much they’ve violated her privacy anyway.”

“She says its more because she writes down dreams she has rather than secrets, and how she feels if her and Suzie fight-”

“Suzie. You’d never call her that to her face.” Dave snorted with laugher, remembering when Noel had called her that once and she’d flipped, the only one who could get away with it ever was Dee. Mike grinned as well staring at the ceiling, before turning his head to look at Dave.

“Nope, neither would you. Dave please just pass us that cherryade?”

Dave frowned, and shook his head, “Its on your side. Noel bought her that book the day we all went to that really crap fair YEARS ago, do you remember?”

How could they forget that day at the really crap fair. It was scratched into his memory like graffiti on a school desk.

“Yeah, you won that goldfish that died the same day. Dee made us all write her a message in her new shiny notepad her new shiny boyfriend had bought her.”

“Yeah and you wrote something like ‘Hi from Mike, Dave’s Goldfish died today, like it was all a big joke” Dave put his head in the pillow, half joking, half remembering what I had felt like to have them all make fun of hem like that, it wasn’t that he got emotionally attached to the fish he’d known all of five minutes, it had been the concept that had just been so sad.

“You were proper gutted about that fish man, it was funny. Its on my side but I cant reach it without getting up, if you lean over me you can get it easy and not have to get up.” Mike stretched out his arm as if it illustrate his point, Dave sighed and pulled himself up a bit, he leaned across Mike, trying not to take his time in case that feeling hit him again and reached for the bottle.

“I was gutted because the poor thing had only ever known life in a plastic bag and I wanted to set it free.”

“You’re a freak. And don’t lean on my chest!” Mike shifted uncomfortably, nearly causing Dave to drop the bottle he had stretched out painstakingly to get.

“I’m getting your damn Juice.”

“Thanks.” Mike unscrewed the cap and took a long drink, frowning as he did so. “Ugh it’s gone all flat. And anyway I checked those sites too and I got nothing.”

They all knew about “those sites”

“Yeah? Even the Photoshop ones?”

“Yeah.”

“Even the Mighty Bumming sites?”

Mike nodded slowly, as if he were considering something, “Yeah. It’s not just Vince and Howard you know, there’s Noel and Julian, Old Gregg… there was one called Fossil fun time”

Dave groaned and Mike grinned, putting the lid back on the bottle and setting it down on the side he lay back down next to Dave, pulling a little sad face at Dave who was just glaring at him peering out between the pillow and his messy fringe.

“Thank you Mike you just made me want to die. Did you read any?”

Mike pulled a face and shook his head a little too wildly “No! like, 90% of them involve my brother in some form or other.” He grinned then, wickedly, and shot Dave a mischievous look, “Well I have, like two. Just to see.”

“Ones with Noel?” Dave grinned into the pillow, just as Mike hit him with his own.

“Ack no! don’t be foolish Dave.”

“Who then?”

“You’re awful keen David Brown. Do you want me to send you the links when I’m next on MSN?”

“Am I in any?”

“Aw Dave! Coarse you are mate! Boosh weirdo’s love you! You feeling left out?” Mike smiled wickedly again and shuffled over so he was eye to eye with Dave.

“Shut up. Just wondering, cause you know, the constant disguises…”

“Nah yeah you are. You’re quite a slut really with the men folk. You’ve had us all.”

“Nah.” Dave said, rolling onto his back and looking disbelievingly at Mike.

“Yeah, even Julian, though he’s really pining for Noel and you’re just being a mate by lending him your arse.”

“I’m selfless I am, mate. I think that’s how you know you’re famous. If you look on the internet one day and find yourself being bummed by your best mates.”

“Yeah totally, you’re just not it if you’ve not been written into erotic fiction.”

They laughed together then, it was an odd sort of flattery, but it worked out ok.

Dave remembered something Dee had told him once, about Noel and Julian stories, and smiled, “You know they mush up names? Dee told me-

-she goes mental over the stuff the freak.” Mike muttered, he was never very keen on how Dee would always ask Noel and Julian to kiss, but he guessed he didn’t like seeing his brother kiss anyone.

“I know apparently she makes Noel read it all the time,” They rolled their eyes in perfect unison, “anyway, so like, Howard bumming Vince is like, Howance or something. And Julian and Noel is Noelian-”

Mike tutted loudly at that, “I hate that. Noelian is a language me and him made up as kids, those nutters have tarnished it now.”

Dave laughed, but patted Mikes arm reassuringly, his hand lingered there for a little too long so he pretended to stretch to cover it.

“We’d be like…Dike.” He didn’t know why he said it, why he would bring that subject up around Mike at all, and he blushed heavily; luckily they were both looking up at the ceiling.

“Nope, we’re not.” Mike eventually said.

“What?”

“We’re not. We’re Mave.” Mike said this so matter-of-factly, as if he’d known for ages, that Dave turned to look at him questioningly.

“Mave? There’s no humour in that. We should be Dike.”

Mike grinned as he stayed looking up at the ceiling, “Why don’t you make an official complaint, they’d listen to you.”

“Encouragement they don’t need mate.” Dave laughed, shaking his head, Mike did the same.

Dave looked at Noels bed side table, where Mike’s laptop he’d brought over was sitting… It couldn’t hurt to look could it? Just to see? Mike had seen it, obviously, even if he hadn’t gone looking for it.

“Where are you going?” Mike asked as Dave sat up suddenly, he grabbed the laptop and flipped it open, pressing the power button, “Did you actually just switch on that laptop? Dave you’re a perve.”

“I’m just curious now like.” Dave tried to defend himself, but smiled despite himself, “How do you find it?”

“Go to Google. I dunno, ‘Mighty Boosh’ um, ‘fan fic‘, who do you want?” Mike asked, sitting up beside him.

“Be rude to read anything but Mave right now, with the others not here to defend their sexuality.”

Mike laughed, “Alright type in ‘Mave’ then… nah wait that’ll be too specific we’re not that well loved, just put ‘fan fic’ and we’ll find it from there.”

“Ok.”

“And Click.”

“Yes Mike I know that bit, I’m not form the past.”

Mike held up his hands defensively in front of him but he was smiling, “don’t get touchy with me just ‘cause you’re slow on the computer.”

“Your only fast cause you’re always looking up Naboo porn” Dave shot back grinning, but Mike pulled a face.

“Do not even joke about that. Sometimes I find it very hard to look at you dressed as a monkey.”

“Really? Bollo? That is odd.” Dave grinned, “Boboo?”

“Haha, maybe.”

They watched as the Google page loaded, Dave’s eyes widened at the sight of the hits total.

“Fucking Hell 16,400.”

Mike nodded from beside him then sighed.

“Just click on the first one. Oh this is the Livejournal one I’ve been here.”

Dave didn’t really want to know how Mike knew all these sites.

“Ok, how do search through this site.”

“Give it here. You’re useless, stick to taking photos… Do you not use digital?”

“Well yeah But I’m good with computers, not weird ass websites.”

Mike looked a little offended about that, leaping to the fan girl defence, “Hey you were the one who wanted to see, don’t call them weird! It’s very popular and widely excepted kink in Japan.”

Dave snorted with laughter, “What, Mave?”

Mike grinned, “No, Boys with boys. They love it. It’s over romanticized and the boys are drawn like chicks anyway but boy on boy anime and manga is everywhere.”

“You are too into Japanese culture.”

“It’s better than ours. Here’s some.”

Mike passed the laptop back to Dave and got up out of the bed and headed for the door, Dave looked up at Mike in surprise.

“You not going to read it?”

Mike laughed, “I’ll be back, I’m gonna make some food.” He hopped towards the door and Dave started scanning the words on screen, “Do you want some?”

“Yeah sure… Mike I like your warm eyes… they make me feel safe.”

Dave was grinning as he read, Mike smiled as well, as he watched a pink blush crawl up Dave’s face, “Shut it and read, don’t poke fun out of embarrassment, it’s fine to be turned on, I am a very sexy man.

Dave kept grinning, reading the story, Mike watched as his eye brows raised slowly up into his hair line, Dave’s eyes flicked back to Mikes, Mike always got a little flip in his stomach when he saw those eyes from a far, so blue, “ And apparently very sluttish… since when do you giggle?”

Mike skipped over back to the bed, “I’m always doing that in these. Do you want me to find a more “us” one… There was one I read that could have been true, I’ll find that.”

Mike grabbed the lap top back off of him and started typing in. Dave frowned, could he really read something that read like him and Mike…doing it… sex…

“I dunno that might be a bit weird. Oh ok then since I’m reading it anyway.”

“Ok, can you please go switch the oven on… please?”

Dave shuffled through to the kitchen, Mike looked up his favourites. What? Don’t you judge him, it’s hard enough being in love with your best mate and thinking that you’re perfect for him without being in the knowledge that quite a few people in the world very strongly agree with you and you not to go looking at what they’ve been saying.

Dave came back through and Mike had the story up. He sat the laptop down on the bed and went towards the door himself, passing Dave and the way, brushing past.

“Ok there you go… Do you want an egg?”

Dave looked puzzled, “Is there even eggs?”

“I dunno.” Mike grinned, “Thought I should ask. That‘s what I always get asked.”

“Nah its alright.”

“Ok. Have fun. You should leave the girl a review, she’ll never know, bless.”

Dave had already started reading, “Uh huh”

Mike clattered around in the kitchen, finding stuff to cook, there was a pizza in the fridge that would take ten minutes, that would do.

…Dave kissed Mike softly, unbelieving, he never thought he’d find himself in this position, but yet he had, and he found that he wasn’t so opposed to the idea, maybe it was the weed, or the beer, or the high of finishing another live show but as Mike pulled as the bottom of he t-shirt he felt him holding his arms off, they only broke the kiss so the thick material couldn’t be pulled over his head…

Dave stared at the screen unblinking, chewing on his bottom lip his eyes dragged along the page, soaking up every word, wishing he could fall through the page…

…‘This isn’t right…’ Dave whispered against Mike’s skin, even as he said it he didn’t stop from pushing him gently down on the bed, Mike shook his head, to disagree with Dave or to shake away his words he didn’t know, all he knew was how wrong and terrible and amazing it all was …

Was it wrong to sit here in one of your best mate’s room reading a story where you’re about to fuck his little brother and getting off entirely on it? Of course if he wasn’t in Noel’s room and Mike wasn’t in the next room he’d be getting off on it a lot more. But as it was he is, so Dave resisted his urges and just kept reading.

“Alright Dave do you want sauce? Dave?” Mike came ambling back through with the pizza and a couple of plates, Dave was sitting cross legged on the bed staring at the screen looking vaguely shocked, Mike grinned but tried to get rid of the smile just as it came. He put the food and the plates down on the chest of drawers that stood by the far wall, and moved towards Dave, who gave no signs of even noticing that Mike had come in. “Dave?”

“Uh…” Dave responded unblinkingly still staring at the screen as if hypnotised, Mike laughed a little and sat down beside him, waving his hand in front of Dave’s face.

“Dave are you ok… Dave?” Dave managed to tear his eyes from the screen and looked at Mike, however he couldn’t hold Mikes gaze so he looked at his hands instead.

“I’m ok.”

Mike bit his lip to stop him from smiling, he couldn’t help it really, Dave just suddenly looked much younger than he was… like 12, “You don’t look ok you’re all flushed. You want me to open a window?”

Dave shot Mike a dirty look for a second, but caught Mikes grin by accident, he looked back at the computer and shook his head disbelievingly, “How would they know that?”

“What?” Mike shuffled over so he could see what Dave was looking at, Dave pointed at the screen

“All those things…Like, you’d say that… and I’d probably say that and I eh… I do like that. And you… I don’t think you’d do that though… But… and…” Dave trailed off, looking down at his hands he pulled his sleeves over his knuckles like he would if he was out in the snow, only if there was any snow near him just now he reckoned he would melt it in an instant.

“Dave?” Mike smiled gently, Dave looked incredibly sweet when he did that, Mike sometimes forgot about the five years between them, “Are you ok? Was it too much for you?” He laughed a little, “Do you want to lie down?”

“I… Mike?” Dave bit his lip.

“What?”

“Would you ever want to do that?” The back of Dave’s neck had gone scarlet, Mike had the urge to blow on there, cool him down… That might not, actually, cool things down at all.

“What like in that story? Like with you or any guy?” Mike was definitely testing the waters now, winding Dave up… he was allowed to though, it was his right as the youngest to be an annoying twat.

“Uh…” Dave paused, still looking at his hands, “a guy?”

Mike stalled, wondering if it was worth telling Dave about the couple of drunk fumblings he’d had a while back, with boys he wasn’t ever sure he was really that into and that he was never sure they were really that into him. “Yeah. I have.”

“Really?” Dave looked up then, in shock, and the sudden intense gaze made Mike blush furiously.

“Yeah.”

“Ok, wow.” Dave’s mind wondered about thinking who and when and why, there might have been a touch of jealousy about it, “Me?”

Mike swallowed, decision time, admit that yes, he did want to do those things with Dave, a lot, quite often, in as many places as legally available to them, and perhaps some non legal places too, like that forest up the road from where Dave used to stay, OR make a joke about it hope he doesn’t get upset and carry on with the not-so-perfect-but-God-you-don’t-want-to-loose-it friendship.

“Maybe. Dave do you…” Mike sighed, “you can’t fancy me just because of something you’ve read on the internet-”

“I liked you before.” With this admittance Dave’s head snapped down and he was back to looking at his sleeves, Mike’s heart did a somersault. And a jimmy flip.

“yeah?”

“yeah.”

Gotta love those awkward pauses.

“Ah right. Cool.” Mike grinned despite himself, Dave cleared his throat and looked back at the screen.

“This is really good. But I wouldn’t have done that.”

“No?”

“No… I would have done it more like…” Dave very slowly, very nervously moved a hand up Mikes side round to his back, he stoked his thumb right the way down Mikes spine, Mike shivered a little and wriggled closer to Dave, “yeah?”

“Yeah… that’s quite good, it’s better than hers.” Mike mumbled, staring at Dave’s mouth, wanting to lean over and kiss him, but what if they were just mucking about, what if this wasn’t leading where he thought it was leading? If he kissed Dave it would be a commitment, that would be out there, in the world, forever.

“yeah, and then I would have brought your hand here like…” Dave brought Mike’s hand to the top of his thigh, Mike moved closer still to Dave, pressing up against him, they held each others gaze.

“Like this?”

“Yeah like this.” Dave wasn’t sure who pushed who, but suddenly they were lying down. “But you wouldn’t have said I love you, you would have said something more Mike, like…”

“Like I hope you have that fiver cause I usually ask for cash up front.” Mike grinned as did Dave, shuffling a little so he could lie across Mike a bit more, he brushed Mike’s hair away from his face, their smiles fading away a little.

“Yeah like that, so I’d have to shut you up… like this.” Dave leaned down and kissed Mike, gently at first and then more demanding, seeking entrance to Mike’s mouth and he submitted more than willingly, playfully biting down on Dave’s bottom lip. Mike tasted like artificial cherries, the type you get on cakes. Dave lets out a very small moan, before pulling away, is this still just mucking about?

Mike takes a minute to get his breath back, as does Dave, they exchange sly glances, neither wanting to break the silence but Mike wants to see how the story ends.

“…Yeah that would have probably worked. Then what?”

“Well…” Dave considers for a moment, writing out in his head how he wants his sex scene to go, “I’d go like this.”

Dave has one leg in between Mike’s thighs now and he grinds down, Mike gasps a little in surprise, he hadn’t noticed just how turned on he was, or just how hard Dave was, he wants Dave to do it again but a nervous eruption of butterflies in his stomach slows him down and stops him from bucking back the way he wants to. Mike wasn’t lying when he said he’d been with other boys, there had been two, one in high school and one on holiday, but it had felt very different from this, playful. This was something else.

Dave had ducked his head down; writers block. Mike bit his lip, he guessed this was his story as well, he should maybe contribute, after all, he was the one who had the experience in this field, yes?

“Yeah… Yeah and I’d hold onto your hips real tight and …” He closed his eyes and thrust up, Dave groaned a little and hid his face in Mike’s neck, “do that.”

“But if you did that I’d have to respond with this,” Dave brought his face back up and manoeuvred himself fully in between Mike’s legs, he ground down and the same time brought a hand up underneath Mike’s t shirt and rubbed his thumb over one nipple, kissing Mike harshly, Mike moaned into his mouth, the noise sounding so needy that Dave responded with a groan of his own, his hips still working over Mike.

They broke for air, Mike still gasping and wriggling up against Dave like a dream, Dave resisted the urge to growl.

“Would you?” Mike eventually says, in between gasps, Dave slows down his ministrations and kisses Mike briefly on the lips.

“Yeah.”

Mike grins with his eyes shut, “With what sorry?”

“This.” Dave smiles but grinds down again, tugging at Mikes t shirt somehow they manage to get it off over his head without breaking the contact at their hips, Dave still grinding down with Mikes hands back down at his hips, both of them now only in their boxer shorts, Dave is suddenly very horribly aware that his boxers say “sex kitten” on them, a jokey pair that Dee had bought him to go with her briefs when they were mucking about doing dance routines in their pants. Maybe Mike wouldn’t pick up on that just now. And maybe the sun won’t rise tomorrow morning.

“Mmm, I’d like that.” Mike mumbled, moving his hands around a little, one on his arse, trying to speed up Dave’s movement, Dave let him.

“Good, cause I wouldn’t stop.”

“Not ever?”

“Not ever, if I didn’t have to.”

And he meant it, he could do this all day, thrusting and kissing and panting and wanting, it was too good, far too good, Mike was far too good at this, he thought about Mike’s past history with boys, how much did he know? Was he himself alright? Or was he lacking? Mike seemed to be enjoying himself, but what if he was only trying not to hurt Dave’s feelings?

Mike dropped his head to one side, revealing a lovely amount of neck that Dave took full advantage of that, biting down. Mike let out a strangled groan, you couldn’t fake that could you? And you couldn’t fake that hardness. No, Dave was pretty sure he was doing alright.

“I might tell you I loved you then.” Mike all but whispered staring at the wall, biting a little on the inside of his lip, Dave stopped moving, all he could hear was their breathing, and the sound of his heart beating.

“I might say it back.”

Mike turned back so he could look at Dave, his eyes wide, and innocent looking, slightly scared, as if he was trying to work out whether Dave as being serious or not. Seeming to get the answer he was looking for Mike smiles, and tugs at the band of Dave’s boxers.

“I might insist this came off.” Mike whispers, keeping up the game.

“Ok.” Dave shuffles about so he can get them off, it makes him feel awkward, like when he was 15 years old and Cassie Simmons made him strip before she let him touch her breasts. “I’d probably get you to do the same though.”

“Well that’s only fair” Mike shimmies out of his own, it seems to go much smoother for him, a fact that makes Dave want to back pedal a bit, if he cant even take off his own pants elegantly then what chance in Hell did he have…

But Mike was looking at him in a way that Dave knew he meant the world to him, no matter how clumsy he could be. Dave loved him for it.

They kissed again, deeply, Mike's hands weaving into his hair, pulling them together, trying to get more Dave on him, desperate. They broke apart, flushed, Mike grabbed Dave’s hand from his hip and sucked two fingers into his mouth before bringing Dave’s hand in between his thighs and pressing own a little.

“And Dave, I think then I’d do this.”

Dave gulps, he knows what this means, if this happens there’s not going back, not ever, its about one o’clock, they don’t have any excuse, no late night madness to blame, no drunkenness to fall back on, “I’d ask if you were sure.”

Mike laughs and kisses him on the nose, “I’d tell you to stop reading Mills and Boon and that I’m not a fucking princess.”

Dave flushes annoyed for a minute, but only because he was asking himself more than Mike.

“I’d have to shut you up again.” He growls.

“I wouldn’t mind.”

He slides a finger into Mike and he bucks up, this reaction shocks them both a little and Mike laughs to sweep away his embarrassment. He’s so casual, even when he’s being serious you get the impression that it’s not him he’s taking seriously.

Is he serious about this?

“But I would have to make sure though, That you really wanted to, cause if you regretted doing this than it would change us forever.”

“I think I would tell you it already has. And then I’d have to shut you up.”

Mike kissed Dave hard, bringing himself off the bed as he did so, somewhere Dave’s mind is telling him to find lubricant, proper lubricant not just spit, and a condom, quite soon if at all possible, but where to look? He has no idea, in the story they had just been magic-ed out of thin air. He breaks the kiss and sits back a bit on the bed, Mikes eyes sweep up and down his body and Dave notices that this is the first time he’s been in a position to actually see Mike naked.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

They really needed to find stuff.

“In fics you don’t need to look for johnnies and stuff… you just know where they are.” He laughs nervously and rubbed the back of his neck.

Mike laughs and sits up as well, “In Fics they don’t call them Jonnies and stuff, tool. You‘ll break the mood”

“Ah right. Well I’ve not read that much.”

“Well…” Mike goes back to recapture their story, “you see I’d remember that this is Noels room and that somehow I knew they’d be…here…”

Mike leans across and opens the second drawer on the chest of drawers on Noels side of the bed, he knew it would be one down from the regular drawer, ever the individual. there’s condoms, and lube, and some other stuff that Mike’s just going to ignore for now. He grabs a handful of sachets and condoms and waves them at Dave triumphantly.

“Wow, good guess.”

“Thanks.”

They assume the position, Mike laughing on and off as he tried to shift Dave around him properly, grinning foolishly as they rip open a packet of lube and it spills all over his stomach by accident, Dave’s frowning in concentration and this only makes Mike laugh more, Dave sits back again and Mike whines a little at the loss of contact.

“In a fic I’d know what the hell I was doing, and I’d be able to do this all smooth.” Dave mutters darkly, and Mike laughs again, but not unkindly, he reaches out for Dave and coaxes him to lie back down, trying again with a second sachet this time things run smoothly. Mike coats Dave’s fingers and again brings them down between his legs, Dave just soundlessly watching him as he positions two by his entrance and tries to persuade Dave into pressing forward, he does so and Mike gasps quietly and Dave just looks on, thinking he’s beautiful.

“Not in my fic you don’t, in mine I get to show you how to do this and you’d be a bit shy and yeah… you’d blush just like that.”

“Quiet, you.”

“And say something cute like that.” He leaves Dave’s hand and brings his own either side of Dave’s face, holding his head steady and looking deep into Dave’s eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, trying to get Dave to stop shaking, “and I’d just look at you like this till you calmed down…see?”

“Yeah.”

His kissed Dave and his hands search out one of the condoms on the bed, he opens it with ease, and feels Dave gasp and he roll’s it on over his length. He gets Dave to position himself and Dave removes his hand, Mike swallows but his throats dry.

“And then you’d…”

“Do this.” Dave thrusts forward slowly, until he’s all the way inside Mike and Mike lets his eyes close tight, just feeling him, all of him, Dave nuzzles in at his collar bone, safe.

“Yeah.”

“And the world would stop.” Dave mutters against his skin, tickling Mike slightly and Mike’s hands find their way to the small of Dave’s back, stroking here calmingly, soothing, loving.

“And there would be no one else.” There wasn’t, was there? Not in this world.

“But you”

“And you.”

“And I’d kiss you.” Dave brought his face out from where he was hiding, and started kissing Mike, little kisses at first, that built up, Dave shifted his weight, Mike jumped and Dave remembered that actually he had quite a bit of an advantage over Mike, He moved his hips again, and fuck, he felt fantastic, but even better was to see what it was doing to Mike.

“And we’d come crashing back to earth.” Mike panted out, bending his knees up a bit, wriggling about so that he was in an even better position, he pushed down on Dave’s back, wrapping one leg around him.

“And I’d fuck you like this.” Dave thrust as hard as he could, making Mike yelp in surprise and then smile again to hide his awkwardness at being so far gone. Mike was really starting to like this story.

“Yeah, yeah and I’d bite you like this...” a bite to a collar bone, Dave hissed out in pleasure and buried himself deeper in Mike.

“And I’d need you this bad.”

Dave’s hand snuck from Mike’s hip to his cock, wrapping his fingers around Mike’s length Mike groaned, and nipped at Dave’s skin in appreciation.

“And I’d want you so much”

“Fuck!”

“And I’d beg you to stop but you’d know I want more”

“and I’d be gasping for air” He was close he was so so close and he’d barely be doing this for five minutes and it was going to end and Mike was going to be so disappointed but he couldn’t stop and he couldn’t slow down.

“And I’d shout out your name, oh!” Mike gripped down on Dave hard and dragged him down on top of him, squeezing his eyes shut he came suddenly and unexpectedly, “Dave! Dave Dave Dave!”

Dave followed three maybe four thrusts after, being crushed in between Mikes legs he cried out and buried his face between the pillow and Mike’s neck.

They lay there for a few moments, panting, catching their breath, Dave slipped out of Mike and cleaned up, Mike laughed at the image of his come all over Dave’s stomach but couldn’t move himself, he just lay there with heavy lidded eyes.

Dave settled himself back down on Mikes chest with a contented sigh, a sound that was mirrored by Mike as he ran his hand through Dave’s hair, sweeping it back from his forehead, feeling the damp patches at his temple, never feeling more contented.

“…then we’d just lie here like this” Dave began, finishing off their story.

“With my hand in your hair.”

“Me between your thighs”

“And wish we never had to move.”

Dave sighed again, and moved so he could look up at Mike, “and we wouldn’t have to, ‘cause the fic would leave us there.”

“Without the complications.”

“Or the tidying up.”

“Or the dull ache.”

“Sorry.”

“Naw its alright”

Mike leaned down to give Dave a chaste kiss, and smiled up at the ceiling.

“I might love you.” Dave mumbled, drifting off.

“I might love you too. Dave?”

“Yeah?”

“Pass us that cherryade?”

end

[awolspaceman]

how my dysphoria manifests i guess

just gonna warn u right here: this is gonna get in depth talking about dysphoria. if that triggers you, keep scrolling and have a lovely damn day! (also, i anticipate that this is going to get l o n g)

so i’ve seen a ton of shit coming from tucutes about how us “nasty horrible transmeds believe you need to despise yourself to be trans!!!!!!! they’re so harmful to the trans community!!!!!!!” so i just wanna dispel some of those myths. please keep in mind that i’m one person and my experience is totally not universal. i have trans friends who do hate themselves due to dysphoria, and i have friends who aren’t super dysphoric but still experience gender dysphoria. it’s a varied experience. here’s mine. 

i don’t hate my body. if we add up all the things i like/love about my body and then subtract everything i don’t like, we still end up with a positive. i got blessed by the genetics from my parents that i have a relatively masculine face, as well as a pretty pronounced adams apple by female standards. i have really nice eyes in my opinion, and i have some of the thickest eyebrows that i know of. so yeah, i got a masculine face. 

i am very unlucky with the rest of my body. from the neck down, here’s some of the things i like about myself: my collarbones, my shoulders, my hands, my arms, my calves, and my feet. those are all pretty masculine if you ask me. i’m 5′7 and wear US men’s size 9 shoes, and i’m a broad dude (my dad is disappointed in me for one reason and it’s that i don’t competitively swim). unfortunately, i’ve got a big chest. i don’t just have a big chest by trans guy standards, i have a big chest by female standards (if you wanted to put me in a size i’d be a 36 DD, which means i have a bulky ribcage and an even bulkier chest). i’m never perfectly flat while binding, and trust me, i’ve tried on a lot of binders. i live in sweatshirts. i’m also pretty damn curvy, with a smaller waist and thick thighs (mostly muscle, but it still makes me fairly hourglass). apart from my shoulders (which are probably the reason i don’t have that “perfect” hourglass figure thing), i have a super feminine build. that’s just how it be. we’re not even gonna talk about bottom dysphoria because i think you get how my entire body is contradicting itself.

so how does my dysphoria manifest, i hear you asking. my dysphoria is this weird thing that never really goes away. however, it’s not complete and total self hatred. let’s use the shower i took tonight as an example. when i look at myself naked, my body doesn’t register my feminine “bits” as mine. seriously. my brain cannot comprehend that my chest is a part of me. it cannot comprehend my lack of penis, so its circuits overload and i just feel... nothing about it. that feeling of nothingness is then replaced with a similar feeling to touching raw meat. just kind of “huh, that’s weird and kind of gross. i’d like this to be over as quick as possible, please and thank you.” i’m currently sitting in bed, and my chest is pressing into my stomach slightly. i’m not constantly focusing on it (yes, it’s physically uncomfortable, but it’s not making my dysphoria make me want to die), but in the back of my mind, the “ew raw meat” feeling is constantly running. not a fun time. my brain would like to be rid of that feeling as soon as possible. problem is, i’m kinda stuck with it. no matter how much i bind and how much pointless youtube i watch, it’s always there and isn’t going to go away until after i’ve had surgery. 

you know those cursed images that make you go “yeeeeeeeeesh, that’s n a s t y oh god it gets nastier the more i look”? yeah, that “ewwwwwwwww” feeling is the feeling i get. it just feels wrong, and i sure would like it to feel right. do i feel this way all the time? pretty much, unless i’m super distracted, which i try and do all the time. does my dysphoria get to debilitating self-hate sometimes? yeah. lemme explain, with a few choice excerpts from my life. 

this was june, 2018. not that long ago. i needed some sports bras so i could work out, go on long road trips, etc, without binding dangerously or for too long. let’s just say, buying high support sports bras for people with large chests is.... difficult. so, since my mum is a Saint and understands how my dysphoria works, we measured me and bought stuff online. when the stuff came in, there was a return deadline, so i needed to make sure it fit. this is where my dysphoria becomes near debilitating. i ended up sobbing in my room and writing in a small journal i had about how horrible i felt, and this is the gist of what i remember: i want a knife to cut off my chest. i dont care how painful it will be, i just need it GONE. 

i’m on a medication called norethindrone. it stops ovulation and therefore, i don’t get my period (its a fucking blessing. i gained a little weight with it but it’s not too bad, no heavy mood swings, and so if ur a trans dude who wants to stop your periods, check in with your primary doctor about it! they can prescribe it to you, you don’t need to be in gender therapy or anything). however, my natural hormones overloaded it once, about a year ago almost to the day. i got my period for the first time in four months (i had only been on the medication for about that long), and it was hell. i was having more cramps than i had ever had, and my dysphoria was just skyrocketing. i’d had the privilege of not menstruating for a while, and so i’d gotten used to it, and wasn’t prepared for the mental toll of my medication failing. it was horrible.

tomorrow, i’m going into the city with my parents to meet with some people to talk about freezing my eggs. it’s the one thing i need to figure out before i start HRT, so hopefully we figure it all out rather quickly (testosterone is on the horizon babey!!!!! we’re talkin like hopefully under a year until i can start it but idk). however, the thought of even talking about my uterus makes me feel sick. my brain refuses to acknowledge that i have it, so forcing it to acknowledge a part of me i try hard to ignore is 1. exhausting and 2. really distressing. talking about it with my parents made me dysphoric, and when this special flavor of my dysphoria rears its ugly head, i swear i can feel my internal organs shifting with discomfort. so, yeah, my dysphoria gets pretty nasty. 

so let’s just review. personally, my dysphoria manifests as this weird thing my brain cant quite comprehend but definitely does not enjoy, and sometimes it spikes to those self-hating, “everything about me sucks and i want to die” levels, but those are normally induced by me getting deadnamed or misgendered or i’m forced to think about aspects of my body that i work hard to ignore. this is my experience and i’m allowed to share it. not everyone’s is like mine, but i think maybe, just maybe, one person who sides with tucute ideology will read this and maybe, just maybe, they’ll change their mind about the “horrible self-hating transmed ideology” that other tucutes talk about and demonize. 

have a nice night y’all. get some sleep and eat breakfast tomorrow.

[virdoote-blog]

Final Space: A sense of closure

(Special thanks to Oscar power for his help on this one: https://twitter.com/oscarpower)

(Virdoote)

 "My boy...where's my boy?"

“Avocato, son of Daracato and Lonacato, you're time has come.

Twisting his head from side to side Avocato muffled out an upset cry, looking up at the shrouded figured before him, floating halfway off the dimly lit pool of water that seemed to stretch for eons for every direction. The cat man was knee deep in it, shoving some of the fresh liquid into his face to wake up from this nightmare. "i'm not dead, I can't be dead..."

 The shrouded figure waited out the pleas and bargains from the creature before in respectful silence, and when Avocato bowed his head in confirmation, in acceptance of his fate. He reached out a bony hand, and took him away into eternity.

---- (Oscar)

The seasons were unfamiliar to Gary. At least on this planet anyway. It felt like an autumn back on Earth. Ventrexian weather was one of the many things he had never asked Avocato about. Or his son, for that matter. Still, he silently shivered in his overcoat and kept a stoic watch. He was greying at the temples, perhaps a little less trim around the waist then he'd have liked (a fact that Quinn constantly found cause to joke about) but he was still recognisably the Gary Goodspeed who had met that Ventrexian all those years ago.

The other, figure however? The one he was keeping a silent watch over now? He was unrecognisable. Not in a bad way. And not necessarily a physical way either, that teal strip of fur on the top of his head still standing out against the orange. But he had changed. Perhaps it was the sadness that lurked behind his eyes occasionally. Perhaps it was the way he tempered his laughter sometimes, as though he had been forced to give up a child-like joy much too young. But he had changed, so much from that rebellious, angry, inventive teenager he had first met all those years ago.

"There isn't a body in there." the feline figure mumbled, on his knees, barely audibly. "I know. We tried to find him, but-" Gary sighed. There was a marker though. A simple marble stone. 'Here lies Avocato, son of Daracato and Lonacato, father to...'

Even reading the words made Gary's head pound and his eyes sting. How could it be like this? Twenty years on, and he was still cut up about this? How could be like this? Shouldn't he get over this? Why did he leave him like this? The last living member of Cato clan meanwhile, just stared into the unfeeling whiteness of the tombstone, as if maybe he stared hard enough, he could go back and maybe see him one last time.

(Virdoote)

“I thought this would, make it better” The cat finally spoke, running an anxious finger through the fur on his head “they say funerals, t-tombs, all that bring closure but...I don’t know. I still feel the same way.” Littlecato bowed his head and began to mumble something inaudible, or perhaps in a language Gary didn’t know, but he could tell from the hushed tone and furrowed brow that it was deeply meaningful. Littlecato was praying. Ventrexians worshipped not a god or gods, as Gary had found out, more of an abstract representation of their ancestors. Passed souls who they believed stayed with them throughout every trial and tribulation, it was the same reason Avocato had carried that glass jar of ashes with him wherever he went, a remembrance of the dead and a desperate hope for something after.

Littlecato for his part had struggled with that belief after everything that had happened but now he put aside all of that hurt and torment and anger, and whispered a short plea loud enough for Gary to hear. “Keep him out of trouble, mom.” He opened his tear stroked eyes, gave them a single wipe and then turned back towards Gary. “you know what, I do feel a little bit better after all...this is nice.”

(Oscar)

"It is." Gary said hoarsely. Try to keep it composed man. You got your arm ripped off for crying out loud, and this is the thing that somehow sets you off? The feline figure must have noticed something was wrong with the older man though. He gave him a quizzical look, which Gary tried to counter with the same stoic, masculine look he had once seen on an Infinity Guards recruitment poster half a lifetime ago.

"You know, you don't have to pretend Gary." Littlecato sighed. There was a tense silence. The wind whipped around semi-audibly, rustling the bare branches of the trees that surrounded the small grave-site.

"I-er...we should get going..." the human mumbled, shifting his gaze to the ground, as though almost ashamed to look Littlecato in the eye.

Ashamed, why would that be Gary? Guilty that you're alive and he isn't? Guilty that you have to look his son in the face everyday and tell him things will be okay when they aren't? Guilty that you didn't sacrifice yourself instead of him so you didn't have to deprive a parent of their child. Oh, but you would know all about that, wouldn't you?

 SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP.

Gary stuck his fingers to his temples, rubbing them as his head throbbed. He turned away and looked off into the far distance, the eddying winds picking up clouds of red dust from the ground and flinging them about. "Gary. I feel the same way you know. Remember when I told you all those years ago how I didn't know we were both in the same club?" the feline said quietly, harking back to the moment he discovered that they had both lost their fathers. "Yeah?" the older man exhaled, still not turning around. "We both lost him together as well." Gary turned back and chanced him a few seconds of eye contact. "I thought it would get easier. Or at the very least I'd be able to get all the bad stuff out of the way quickly , like ripping off a band-aid...but it just keeps going. This dull...pain." He paused. "I'm sorry."

--- (Virdoote)

 "Littlecato! Wait!"

The cat didn’t listen, didn’t want to listen, running on all fours all the way towards the vent on the other side of the room. Away from Gary, away from Quinn, away from that hole....

The vent grid clanged shut behind him and Littlecato could still hear the echoing voice of the human calling out to him in a strained, shaky voice, clearly distraught. He didn’t turn around though, instead he kept crawling and crawling until finally he was in an unknown, silent and dark part of the vent system far away from anybody else, pulling his legs up to his face and curling into a fuzzy ball of grieving, anguished cat.

He sniffled and felt loose tears fall through the sides of his covered face, his dad was gone. No matter how many times or ways he replayed the events of today in his head Littlecato couldn’t deny that, the shock melting away and the emptiness beginning to fill with cold, hard grief. “d-dad....” He  mumbled, biting his lips to muffle the shaky subs escaping from his distraught form  “I c-cant, cant lose you too...”

But his father didn't answer, and soon Littlecato relaxed his knees, wiped the tears from his face and continued on through the vents. Now his thoughts turned to the human who’d tried to grab him as he scurried away,  Gary...that was what his father had called him, try as Littlecato did he couldn’t block out the pain audible in the man’s voice, angry and bitter but concerned as well.

For a brief moment Littlecato stopped and considered turning around, ears flicking in agitation, not yet....not yet.

 He needed to be alone.

---

“...don’t be sorry” Littlecato finally answered after a moment of silence “you have nothing to be sorry about.” He got to his feet and moved towards Gary, standing a head taller than the greying human, and pulled him into a tender, soft hug. “I don’t know what I would of done without you Gary, you weren’t dad but...you were damn close.”

He pulled back, breath coming out in shaky rasps, looking back at the grave one last time. “I know why he liked you, you’re a good guy Gary, and you’re not responsible for what happened.”

Littlecato could feel the human’s chest tense and then flatten, burying his head in the cat’s cotton clad shoulder for a moment before returning, eyes heavy with tears. “Feeling a bit better?”

Gary knodded.

No other words passed between the two men and, as Littlecato would recall years later, they never talked of this talk of this moment ever again. Instead they simply walked out of the cool Ventrexian cemetery past the many graves that each could of represented a mother, a brother, a father. Past the steel gates and past the large trees stretching as far as the eye could see, paw on shoulder, until finally they got to the door of a small but typical Ventrexian hut isolated on the outskirts of the village.

This was nice, Littlecato had to admit and he felt an inkling that Gary felt the same way, real nice.

“Alright, guess i’ll see you around. Do you guys celebrate Christma-” Before Gary could finish his sentence the cat drove forward and pulled him into a warm, firm hug. Eyes wide the captain only managed to wrap his arms around and return the gesture, their embrace lasting one minute, then two, until finally Littlecato broke it with a quick sigh and a grin.

“Thanks man, for everything.”

“...yeah, you too.”

“So, Christmas? Sounds fun. Guess i’ll see you then, captain.”

And just like that he was gone, opening his door and pulling himself inside with one swift movement. Leaving Gary alone with his thoughts, and a certain sense of accomplishment, and pride.

“Guess this is that closure thing they always told me about.”

And with a chuckle he was gone too, back to the galaxy one, long ago re-purposed into a home ship and anchored on one of the major Ventrexians moons, and back to Quinn and H.U.E.

[kandadiff]

-

I was in to much pain to really listen to whoever was talking in the car. The cuffs had come from J and since he knew what I was he had dipped them in holy water. I felt like they were burning through my skin and I could feel my back bleeding. Negan sat next to me and I saw his mouth moving like he was talking to me but I wasn’t paying attention to it. Not even when i should have been, i should have been paying attention to where his home base was but i couldn’t remember it. “If I take them off” his finger hooked on the chain between the two cuffs. “Then you can’t be doing any of the shit that got you here in the first place understand, baby? I will slap these shits back on you in a moment do you understand?” I didn’t respond to him, instead I just looked out of the window. He reached for my face and took ahold on my chin forcing me to look at him. “Baby girl don’t test me. You will speak when you are spoken too.”

“I understand, old man.” I sneered at him jolting myself out of his grasp and I heard shawn snicker in the front seat. Negan hit the back of his seat but smirked at me. He undid the cufs and rubbed carefully on the raw skin. 

“Goddamn.” he eyed the handcuffs. “What the hell did that crazy mother fucker do to this?” He handed the cuffs to shawn. 

“You think that's a good idea?” Shawn asked as I kept my hands in Negan’s. My skin was raw, red and sensitive to the touch. Shawn looked back and noticed the touch but kept his comment to himself. “J gave us that for a reason.”

“And they’ve served there fucking purpose.” He said just as the car stopped. Since it was night time not a lot of workers were out but the ones that were stopped whatever they were doing and bowed in submission. I had only seen that once- the demons in hell always bowed to Lucifer. I stared at Negan as he held his hand out for me to take. I just looked at him confused... was he a god? I would be able to tell if he was another demon but I couldn’t get a read on him. “If you want that fucking glass out of your back you’ll listen to me.”  His voice was stern and deep as I eyed the cuffs in Shawn’s hand. 

“I’ll take her to Carson” Simon said eyeing me and I just stared at him, now trying to focus at my surroundings. The holy water did much to dull my powers but I didn’t need powers to escape if I was free of those cuffs. I mean obviously this man had a soft spot for me, if he really wanted to hurt me he wouldn’t take me here. He’d take me straight to J which meant J wasn’t as mad at me as they got me to believe. I called his bluff and he was leaving these men to take car eof me? was it to test them or test me? If he really wanted he could have came after me himself. But he didn’t. I stepped out of the car not taking Negans hand and looking around. 

“No I’ll take her, Shawn get your uncle on the phone and Simon set up a bed for her.”

“Where?” Simon asked.

“A bed?!” I didn’t get to voice my opinion for very long before I was half picked up / half dragged to a terrified and nervous man, DR Carson, who looked like he just woke up. Since I couldn’t be trusted I wasn’t left alone for more then a few seconds and that was just to take off my shirt and lay on my stomach before either Simon or Negan came back in the room to keep an eye on me. I was mostly silent save for the small groans or grunts that I gave off when Carson pulled the glass from my back. It took about an hour and a half for him to get all the glass out, wash and dress the wound. 

“I’ve never worked with one of you before.” He whispered to me taking off his gloves and tossing them in the garbage. I cocked an eyebrow at him. “Black blood, you think you’d see everything working in this place.”

“You’ve worked here for a long time?” I asked putting on the lose shirt that was provided for me. I knew I didn’t have much time before one of the two men would burst through the doors again. He nodded as he washed his hands. “What are they?”

He stopped and looked at me “I - I really don’t know if I should be-” I stood up and walked closer to him.

“Please Carson” I touched his arm and he turned towards me “I need to know, what if they plan on hurting me?” I locked eyes with his. I felt my eyes heat up and I knew but the way his pupils were dilating he was falling into the darkness. A trick I picked up from Damien. Weak-minded humans were always the easiest to manipulate. “Please don’t let them hurt me.” I said and heard my voice in three different octaves echoing around the room. It was like a haunting melody and honestly it even freaked me out a bit. “Tell me what I want to know.” Just as carsons mouth opened I heard Simon shout ‘Hey!” and I was thrown out of the trance. Resulting in a pounding in my head and Carson looked as though he had seen a ghost. He fainted before Simon could reach him and both men looked at me.

“What?”

“What the hell was that?” Simon asked and Negan pulled me violently towards him. 

“He’s not dead.” I said trying to shove him off of me. “I just wanted to find out more about you.”

“Shit,” Negan gave a small chuckle “All you had to do was ask, first lets get you the fuck out of here before you keep going damage.” I noticed the cuffs hanging on his pocket but said nothing as he led me outside into another more lavish building. I was brought to what I can only describe as a princess bedroom 

“You like it?”  Negan asked and I wandered around the room, eyeing the beautiful décor and then out the luxury reading nook that over looked his entire compound. That's when I knew we were in gotham anymore. No place in gotham had gardens like this. Gotham was a city we must've been in the nearby city. 

“Its lovely but I hope you don’t think i’m staying here.”

“I changed the sheets.” He said as though that was the only problem with the situation and I shook my head laughing. 

“No that's- what? No that's not what I meant. I’m not staying here. I have places to be, people are going to be wondering where I am.”

This time it was his time to laugh. He walked over to the chairs sitting in front of the fireplace. “Sit” he motioned next to him and I just looked at him. “You going to fight me on fucking everything?” I walked over to the chairs but instead of sitting next to him I sat across from him. “You may not have thing you messed up. And if it would have been any other day that would be a fun little prank that I would expect from the offspring of Harley Quinn. But today beautiful, you messed up big time.” I cocked an eyebrow not following him but he kept going “You cost us a lot and I don’t think you fucking understand the degree of how fucked you made yourself with that little job of voodoo you decided to do. Your clever little tantrum made it seemed like we were targeting the big boys of Gotham and I know you know how much of a big fucking deals mobs are in this city. And because of you, princess, the bosses of this city think the Saviors and The Playhouse tried to massacre them.”

“Then why don’t you kill me then? If you care that much you should pull the security footage and show the ‘big bosses’ of the Gotham you took care of the problem.”

He looked at me with an unreadable expression. “I think we both know that wouldn’t work. If it were as easy as that I wouldn’t need these” He tossed the cuffs on the table before us. 

“So what do you want to do Negan?” I asked with a smirk “If you can’t kill me you cant prove yourself to the ‘big men’ out there.”

“I think you’ll find out i’m more of big man then any of those fucks out there.” He smirked and I couldn’t help but match his expression. Maybe it was the drink, the medication or the fact that despite the circumstances (I mean after we wanted - start the gangs against each other and no one can unite against us.) I was finding my return to gotham thrilling that I was walking over to him sitting on his lap. Plus this was a fun way to find out exacly who/what I was dealing with.

“Is that right?” I asked resting my head on his shoulder as I played with the zipper of his jacket. “Then what should we do?”

“Stay here” He said simply “Stay out of the spot light right now, It aint so bad here with me.” He said his hands on my bare thighs. 

“But I like the spot light.” I pouted. “I thrive in it.”