#memoji mention

[jinaxxo]

memory no. 8 redraw ☀️🌿

[selyeji]

bf!jamal musiala hcs

warnings : mention of intercourse but still fluff

decided to make this as hcs cause my brain stopped working

bf!jamal who loves physical touch. whether its interlocking your pinky fingers or his hand wrapped around your waist. his hand would never leave you, he always needs to know you are there with him.

bf!jamal who loves to shop/thrift with you. one time you found a hoodie while thrifting, it was perfect for him and it has been his favorite ever since. would bring it on away-games so he’ll be reminded of you.

bf!jamal who shares his wired earphones with you. no matter how many times you tell him you’ll be hearing different things from each earbud, he loves having you near and listen together. also a way to show you off that you are his.

bf!jamal who lets you wear his caps. he has a wide collection and definitely doesn’t mind sharing. would randomly place one on your head from time to time.

bf!jamal who absolutely loves lego sets. he would buy lego flowers for you and help you build it, another way for him to spend more time with you.

bf!jamal who has 50 alarms set up when there’s no training, he sleeps through them all and you’ll have to be the one to turn it off, being way more awake than he is.

bf!jamal who cherishes ANY gift you give him. he’ll have a shoebox filled with letters, polaroids, movie tickets you both went together.

bf!jamal who lets you watch movies on his ipad in the hotel room while he’s training when he takes you to his international games.

bf!jamal who immediately gets flustered when you tease him infront of his teammates. would hide his face in the crook of your neck while his cheeks turn red.

bf!jamal who would adjust his shoulder when you lean on it whenever you fall asleep while watching a show together. he puts your comfort above his.

bf!jamal who would beg you to go to basketball games with him. he makes extra effort even though you have never rejected his offer once, always happy to go with him. but it’s nice that he would always think of you before going anywhere else.

bf!jamal who fell inlove with the perfume you recommended him. it took him a while to find one he really liked, until you suggested one and it became his favorite. seems like you knew him more than he knew himself.

bf!jamal who would still be shy after months of dating. whenever he would walk into you changing he would immediately cover his eyes and apologize, even though you already made love countless times.

bf!jamal who send a million of those dog memoji stickers to you, especially when he’s begging for something.

daily click to help palestine

a/n : fermin and jamal actual fics next…

[jokerislandgirl32]

For the ask game: 🍀🍎💎

Thank you so much for the ask! In response to this ask game! I am putting the answers below the cut! Please be aware of mentions of character death and past character death.

🍀  - What originally inspired the OC?

To be frank, my love for Zach inspired Violet, I “met” him on March 16th, 2021 and life has never been the same, lol. And it was that love for Zach that led me to A03…and Violet’s true inspiration: Violet was initially inspired by a story written by one of my dear friends @m0thisonfire. I read M0th’s Zach reader insert story Country Style, and I was floored (seriously check this story out if you are not familiar with it, it is amazing y’all).

At the time M0th had not updated for a bit, and I started wondering what it would be like if I had a character like that with Zach. I started thinking about a character that was named Violet, but she was much different than the Violet we now know.

Violet originally was one of Zach’s devoted fans. She had been obsessed with him for years and happened to meet him through Donita (I actually have a one shot about this, I could post it if you all would like!). Zach realized that she was infatuated with him and he offered her a position as his assistant. This first form of Violet was “born” around April 2021. I know this because the first image I made of her with Memoji was dated April 24, 2021!

This is what she originally looked like:

I edited her a few minutes later to what is now closer to her current form:

By July 4, 2021, the day our daughter should have been born, I’d created Violet’s current form (well very close to it):

So it’s like…Violet was born on that day, she came into my life the day our daughter should have, and that was not coincidence in my mind…it just makes me so emotional…but I digress…

The story stayed liked this for a while, obsessed fangirl turned assistant, but around August of 2021 two things happened. One: I started thinking of a friendship between Zach and Violet, a friendship that would lead to a romance - that’s how Violet and Zach met at science camp. Two: I became obsessed with Halsey’s If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power Album. The nature of Zach and Violet’s romance (and Violet’s personal struggles) is heavily inspired by the If I Can’t Have Love, I Want Power album. I think it was at this point that Violet became more of a self insert than a strict OC.

I knew from this point that Violet was going to be a decisive factor throughout Zach’s life. I knew they were going to go through some hardships before they finally became a couple. But I knew, from the first time I wrote about them at science camp that they were going to have a soulmate bond that would defy all odds: they were going to make it together.

A bit of a side note, but….Their story was originally going to be entitled If I Can’t Have Power, I Want Love. It was going to be a reimagining of Halsey’s IICHLIWP album, and it still technically is, but the one thing my ex did for me was give me the title of my story. He said it should be Wild Violet, pulling Wild from Wild Kratts…but it became Wild Violets because Zach and Violet are…Wild Violets (this will make more sense later in the story, I promise).

🍎  - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like?

Violet had a very strong and positive relationship with her parents. While they were alive, they were always there for Violet and helped her strive to achieve the best in life and be the best person she could be. They never said a harsh word to her (unless necessary for discipline), they never argued in front of her, they never made her feel as if she was not good enough. Violet was able to talk to her parents about anything: they had no secrets. They supported her in all ways and loved her unconditionally, and Violet felt the same way about them.

When Violet lost her parents the transition was very difficult for her: she went from being an only child with loving parents who spoiled, supported, and nurtured her to being an orphan raised by her aunt. But there was a negative side to Violet’s relationship with her parents, and this showed through after their passing: They always wanted the best for her, and pushed her to achieve the best in life. So, they impacted her so much that from the time of their death (when she was 11) until she started working for Zach (when she was 20), she did everything she could that she thought would please them.

She got a degree her parents always said they wanted her to get, she took classes in high school and college her parents would have wanted her to take. She threw herself into academics to please them, not wanting to disappoint them.

But Zach helped her past this, Zach helped her realize that she had to do what felt right in her heart, not what her parents had wanted for her future. He helped her see that no matter what, her parents wanted the best for her, and that meant following her heart. He didn’t realize that this advice would lead to their future together.

💎  - Do you ever see yourself killing off the OC?

Wellllllll….The short answer is yes. I can’t give too much away, but I know how Wild Violets ends, and Violet’s death is part of that. Rest assured she will not be killed off any time soon. This is a lonnngggggg time coming! And it’s not a sad moment, it will be a happy moment. This scene has been imbedded in my mind for so long, and each time I think of it I want to cry happy tears 🥹.

[quintessential-candles]

Hi!

(Latest edit: 11/14/24)

I’m the guy. The thing. The Tylenol boy. The strange creechur scurrying around in your inbox

I type in pink because it’s my favorite colorrr and in a fancy font because. Uh. Because I’m gay, I guess.

Below the cut: Tags System, Pronouns Page, interests, revealed sideblogs, AND EVERYTHING INTERESTING!

Hanging myself with fishing line - art! Mostly doodles

Name Withheld and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Immune System - Sick posts

Hyperfixation Hell - Hyperfixation posting

Heart Emoji /p - favorites collection (reblog)

Memoji Keiji - Memoji Keiji Saga

​Candles reads mpreg - IT WAS NOT MY IDEA NOT MY IDEA NOT MY IDEA

​Candles reads Danganronpa - when I read Danganronpa fics! NOTE: I know barely anything about Danganronpa, I started Trigger Happy Havoc on April 5th 2024

Kill Candles 2024 - Execute me 2024

​candles gets wonky - I am overstimulated + I wanna die and tumblr isn’t helping but it’s not NOT helping!

Candles gets a treat for entertaining the horrors - self explanatory

CANDLES IS A FUCKING IDIOT - self explanatory

Candles plays Danganronpa - FINALLY!! CANDLES IS PLAY!!ING THE GAME!!!

Candles writes mpreg - . . . THE FOLLOWERS GET WHAT THEY WANT!! (In relation to one of my sideblogs)

Miami - Homoerotic

Homoerotic - Miami

Candles lore - NO CANDLES DON’T GIVE OUT YOUR LORE CANDLES

​Candles n Friends! - details of real life hangouts with friends :)

​sex repulsed smut - sex repulsed guy reads smut

​Have a Winning Day! - Jeremy Knox Posting

Just in Case Pocket Just In Case - Saving just in case

​Fruity Farm! - cousin and I’s Stardew co op

Skull hotel - OSDD related posts

Mmmn PRONOUN PAGE

I’m okay with being tagged in anything!! Especially tag games and picrew games or posts about things I likeeee!! Or just if you wanna summon me

Please do not ask me for money!

Interests:

All For The Game

Your Turn To Die

Witch’s Heart

Homesick

Tylenol Post

Being a little bitch

Dead Plate

Elevator Hitch

Cold Front

Undertale

Deltarune

Disney Twisted Wonderland

Bobs Burgers

South Park

Hazbin Hotel

Stardew Valley

Katamari Damacy

The Owl House

Again, being a little bitch

Running 8 million sideblogs

Jujutsu Kaisen

Going insane over Jujutsu Kaisen

Rewatching Jujutsu Kaisen

Reading Jujutsu Kaisen

Foaming at the mouth because of Jujutsu Kaisen

ACE ATTORNEY

I run a total of 25 sideblogs, these ones have been found out (if you were the one who found it out and want to be tagged instead of just mentioned let me know <3)

incorrect-all-for-the-game - found out by Thatoneluckybee

daily-all-for-the-game - found out by Thatoneluckybee

daily-yttd-something - self-admitted to Thestaticonyourscreen, found out by Thatoneluckybee

daily-keisou - self-admitted to Thestaticonyourscreen, found out by Thatoneluckybee

s0ng-of-the-day - found out by Kirexa

daily-sirius-gibson - self-admitted to Thestaticonyourscreen, found out by Thatoneluckybee

gressil-defender - self-admitted

daily-joemaru - self-admitted to Thestaticonyourscreen, found out by Thatoneluckybee

daily-gressil - found out by thatoneluckybee, idea proposed by thestaticonyourscreen

your-turn-to-doodle - found out by thatoneluckybee

minyard-vineyard - self-admitted

Ranmaru-enjoyer - found out by a-being-of-chaossss

andrew-minyards-defense-attorney - found out by thestaticonyourscreen

neil-jostens-defense-attorney - found out by thestaticonyourscreen

kevin-day-enjoyer - found out by thestaticonyourscreen

idia-enjoyer - found out by thestaticonyourscreen

alice-yabusames-defense-attorney - found out by thestaticonyourscreen

Incorrect-your-turn-to-die - found out by lunathetransqueen

Have-A-Winning-Day - found out by lunathetransqueen

Parisian-Duckling - found out by lunathetransqueen

do-I-creep-u-out - self admitted

Remaining are:

3 joke blogs (1 inside joke with Static)

3 miscellaneous blogs (vague hints towards names)

Other:

I mostly shitpost, but I’ll give the occasional actual long post (usually about aftg)

I Write fanfics on NyQuil. It’s bad. You’ll love it

I am a system

I have Autism and Adhd as well as horrible social anxiety, please do not dm me if possible!

I read strange fanfics about Danganronpa please note that I am sex repulsed as hell despite some of these being smut

I like to liveblog

[alex-richey]

Blog Post #7 (Due 10/17)

Gaming Avatar:

I don't play many games that require an avatar, but I have been using Duolingo on and off since about middle school, so this is my Duolingo avatar! My username on the app is alex.richey, which is just my first and last name (just like my Tumblr username). Honestly, I didn't put much thought into what I was wearing. Because Duolingo isn't typically known to be a social app, there's only one clothing option (the turtleneck), but users can pick the color. So, I picked green because it's my favorite color (which will become very obvious if you look at the rest of my avatars). I didn't think to disguise any part of my identity through this avatar because I don't use Duolingo socially. I just thought it would be cute to create an avatar, but genuinely didn't put very much thought into how I wanted to present myself there, so I didn't consider hiding/changing anything about my identity. Duolingo has lots of cute animations and cartoons that go along with their lessons, and the avatar customization options retained that cartoon style. While it's very cute and consistent throughout the app, there weren't a ton of options when it came to designing my avatar. It did an average job of offering different features, so people of multiple ethnicities could choose features that truly look and feel like them, but the options were pretty underwhelming. I wasn't surprised by this, but it is interesting to think about how this cartoon style removes things like race and gender from consideration to an extent.

Dating Site Avatar:

I'm not on any dating sites, but this is my Bitmoji on Snapchat, which I use to keep in touch with my friends and girlfriend. My username there is my first and middle name. As I mentioned above, I don't typically put a lot of thought into the avatars I create. If the point of a Bitmoji is to create a cartoon version of yourself, I'm gonna do just that - make it look as much like me as the options will allow. Following that goal, I'm once again wearing a green shirt and jeans, and my avatar features my green glasses! Snapchat offers the most clothing options out of all of the avatars I've shared in this post, but I can never decide which outfit to wear, so I decided to stick to the basics. Every once in a while I'll change it, but I've stopped using Snapchat as much as I used to, so I don't think to update or change my Bitmoji. Again, since I only use Snapchat with my close friends, I didn't think to change anything about my race or gender. Snapchat offers more customization options than Duolingo by far, but many people opt for making silly/funny Bitmojis rather than one that looks like them, which can create a sense of anonymity. Because Snapchat is a social media app, I can imagine that the portrayal of one's race and/or gender would be perceived much more often than it might in other forms (like Apple Memojis, which most people just use with friends and family).

Day-to-Day Avatar:

This is my Memoji, the avatar that Apple lets you create for yourself. Similarly to my other two avatars, I truly did not put very much deep consideration into this - my only thought was to try to make it look like me. There's no username associated with my Memoji, but once again, I'm wearing a green sweatshirt. Apple has many more customization options than some other apps (like Duolingo), offering more hairstyles, eye and nose shapes, facial expressions, and more. Just like my other avatars, I included my ear and nose piercings, as well as my green glasses! Again, I didn't consider disguising or changing my sex, gender, or race because my friends, family, and I use our Memojis to send cute stickers or reactions to messages, so I figured it made sense to make one that looks relatively like me. I think Apple does a slightly better job of allowing for racial and gender expression because they have many more options for avatar customization than some other apps. For example, there are many different facial features to choose from, including facial hair options, hairstyles, many different headwear options, and you can even change chest, shoulder, arm, and waist sizes. I think this makes it slightly easier to create accurate avatars and increase options for gender expression because many apps just let you choose a sex, then you have to customize a stereotypical male or female body. Offering more detailed options allows users to create more specific avatars!

[fiberglassandflowers]

Miranda and Fern

OKAY SO yeah okay yeah so.

miranda and fern are married and they absolutely should not be they are horrible for each other and everyone else who is around them. pretty much miranda and fern met somehow [forgot to mention i actually don't know a lot of the lore but i know all of it that exists so], course of events happens they fall in love they get married. cool! but not cool because ruh roh they both suck [miranda more than fern but i wouldn't call fern completely blameless either] and their marriage starts falling apart. oh no! also miranda is slowly turning into a huge f*@#in praying mantis the whole time and it's like a metaphor for their relationship souring over time. why is she turning into a bug, you ask? i actually don't know but they live in a literal nuclear town and i can blame anything i want to on nuclear radiation [gonna start calling it the radiation rule]. anyway yeah i am drowning there is no sign of land etc etc

separately though i don't know much about miranda herself other than the fact she's a bug and just kind of mean. and also she's a realllly defensive person like she's never wrong about anything. and this one is probably just a running joke but she gaslit fern about not actually turning into a bug because she "always looked like this? god forbid [she] change[s] anything about [her] appearance"

and i know a bit more about fern yay. okay so he's really not a bad person but he has a lot of anger about him that he doesn't really know what to do with so he tends to take it out on other people, mostly verbally. he desperately needs to talk to a therapist lol. he really doesn't have many close friends since his generally unpleasant disposition drives a lot of people off so it's kind of self sabotaging a little bit. trip and lia are some of the people he's friends with [norman's trying but fern hates his guts]. also he's neurodivergent about thermodynamics and uses the shark memojis <3

[anikashw]

Avatar Reflections

Reading Beth Coleman’s ideas in Hello Avatar made me realize that avatars are more than just fun digital copycat characters. They’re part of how we explore and express who we are (or aren’t) in online spaces. Coleman dives into how avatars aren’t simply “us but a blend of our choices influenced by technology and social norms."

For me, setting up avatars that resemble my appearance is kind of satisfying; it’s fun to see a mini version of myself in a way. But I never feel that they fully capture who I am? I’m hesitant about making these avatars act like me because, honestly, I prefer my digital self to be more distant, maybe even impersonal and I have noticed this pattern with my fellow peers online.

When I think about my online identity, it’s mostly appearance-focused. Sure, I’ll customize an avatar to look like me, but I rarely use it as a reflection of my behavior or personality.

Coleman calls avatars “performative” because they’re tools for interacting and showing different sides of ourselves, but I find my avatars pretty passive. They’re more like "placeholders", showing my presence on a platform without capturing how I communicate or connect with people.

But I don't think this necessarily creates a disconnect between my digital self and my authentic self, where I’m more direct and expressive.

One aspect Coleman mentions that resonates with me is the idea of avatars offering us the freedom to explore or reinvent our identity. For many, avatars are about breaking boundaries, maybe experimenting with personality traits they don’t feel comfortable showing offline, and I feel as if it truly depends on how you use these avatars across different platforms.

For example, in gaming applications like Mario Kart, Minecraft, or any Nintendo game, choosing an avatar is so fun and let's you explore a different personality through those digital environments.

But, they feel limiting instead of freeing on social media. They’re fun to customize, but the design options don’t reflect my true personality or how I think. I have a memoji, a bitmoji and an Instagram avatar but again, I never use them.

I enjoy the process of creating characters and 3D modeling—exploring forms and personalities outside myself—but using these digital representations to express my own identity feels restrictive.

Then, there’s the broader connection across online networks. My avatars on different platforms don’t actively interact; they’re part of a larger digital landscape, but mainly in the background, like little digital stamps with my appearance but not my personality. Mine stay unused, unlike people who use avatars to connect across apps or communities. I don’t feel like they’re tools for communication; they’re just visuals without a purpose.

Reflecting on Coleman’s work makes me wonder what role these avatars actually play in my online identity. They’re there as visual markers, but they’re not me. They might look like me, but they don’t act like me or feel like me. In a way, this disconnect highlights how different my online and real identities are: my real self is animated and expressive, while my digital avatars are static, non-communicative.

Coleman’s insights give me a new perspective. Avatars offer us a way to explore identity, but for me, they feel incomplete. Again, they’re almost like placeholders that reflect some aspects of me but miss the deeper connection I’d want.

[charles5436]

Apple&s iOS 14 and iPadOS 14 will be available on September 16th! || NeoDrafts

Apple introduces the latest versions of its operating system with some most significant updates. The next operating systems Apple’s iOS 14 and iPadOS 14 are said to be released on September 16.

New Updates!

Apple’s iOS 14 is compatible with the devices that are updated to iOS 13 and some of the older devices which are mentioned below.

iPhone 11 Pro

iPhone SE (2020)

iPhone11 Pro Max

iPhone 11

iPhoneXS

iPhone XS Max

iPhone XR

iPhoneX

iPhone 8

iPhone 8 Plus

iPhone7

iPhone 7 Plus

iPhone 6s

iPhone6s Plus

iPhone SE (2016)

iPod touch (7th generation)

iPadOS 14 is compatible with the devices that are updated to iPadOS 13. The iPads that are compatible are mentioned below.

All iPad Pro models

iPad(7th generation)

iPad(6th generation)

iPad(5th generation)

iPad mini 4 and 5

iPadAir (3rd generation)

iPad Air 2

iOS 14 Features!

App Library:

iOS 14 introduces an App Library view to organise all the apps on the mobile. This app shows all of the apps on the iPhone at a glance. Also it eliminates the need to keep all the icons on the home screen view making the home screen look cleaner. To sum up, sorting of applications based on the usage is made more accessible.

Widgets:

iOS 14 and iPadOS 14 redesign the home screens of iPhone and iPad by supporting widgets for the first time. Widgets come in a variety of sizes, and they are also accessed through the Widget Gallery from which different sizes can be chosen.

Picture in Picture mode:

iOS 14 supports Picture in Picture feature, on the iPhone, which is very similar to the iPad experience. Users can talk on face time or watch videos while using another app simultaneously. It supports multiple apps to work at the same time. If a video is playing while using another app, the video can be resized and relocated to any corner of the screen.

Translator:

It also introduces a Translate app which supports conversations and works entirely offline. As of now, the app supports 11 languages.

App Clip:

iOS 14 also introduces a new feature called App Clip to easily access applications without needing to download the full version from the App Store. Users can make purchases online, reservations in restaurants, etc., using apps without fully downloading them.

iMessage:

iOS 14 also redesigns iMessage feature. Apple lets its users pin a critical conversation at the top of the app in iMessage. Now, a quick swipe to the right on any chat pins the conversation. It also adds new Memojis including new face mask Memojis, face coverings, headwear, hairstyles.

This feature also supports in-line replies and mentions for group iMessages. In-line replies feature used to reply to a specific message in a conversation in group chats. Apple also supports the @mention feature, which can be used to send notifications when a user’s name is mentioned even though the group chat is muted.

Headphone audio alerts:

The new update also supports measuring audio levels of headphones in real-time by adding a new option in Control Center.

The Apple’s latest update also brings changes in the Health app, Weather app, Apple Maps app, Car Play, the Home app, privacy protections, Apple store, password monitoring, Find My App, etc.

[jasperdotpng]

AH FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK AH AH AH AH FUCK FUCK FUCK AHHH

MY SISTER SAW MY PARTNER AND THEIR VERH HOMOPHOBIC FAMILY AT A HOCKEY GAME NEAR ME AND DECIDED TO TALK TO THEIR FAMILYYYYYYY AHHHHHHHH AHHH AND MENTIONED ME BY NAME AHHHHH 😭😰😨😰😭😰😨😭😰😨😰😨😭😨😰😭😰😨😭😭😰😰😨😭

memoji added for effect i don’t fucking know man

[pkmn-thenextgeneration]

For the Ash-Paul fankids: 01 - 07 - 17

Merry meet Anon!

Thank you for sending me an ask, I really do appreciate them so much! Now, let’s get into this ask!

The first of Ash and Paul’s kids is named Cesaire Elijah!

1. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded?

Cesaire [Seas-R / Sez-r] comes from Caesar and Cesar. The origin of the name is unknown.

Elijah [E-Lie-juh] is HEBREW for “The Strong Lord” or “My G-D is Yahweh” and stems from the name Eliyyahu.

Originally, it was not for symbolism. I am a bit of a horror/supernatural fan. (Not the show.) All of my Ash boys are named after werewolves, Cesaire is the Werewolf played by Billy Black in Red Riding Hood! Elijah is the Original Vampire from TVD/TO! In the case of this AU, Paul is an avid reader and the name Elijah meant a lot to him as Paul had just gotten back into touch with his religion. (My Paul is JEWISH, Ash would be considered an Arciest. It’s an interfaith marriage!) And Ash liked Cesar, so they comprised and Ash jazzed up the first name and thus Cesaire was born!

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)?

Nope! At this time, Ces does not have a catchphrase!

17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children?

Yes actually! I think he’s been dreaming of marrying Dawn, Kenny and Conway’s daughter Davina for the better part of his life! She is my endgame for Ces, they have two children!

The second child for Ash and Paul is Tatianna Qétsíyah!

1. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded?

Tatianna [TAHT-ee-Yah-na] comes from the Roman family name Tatius/Tatianus. It’s from a patron saint who was martyred in Rome (but we’re JEWISH on this blog so that’s beside the point!) It does have Sabine and Latin origins, and Russian origins where it means “Fairy Princess.”

Qétsíyah [KHET-ZI-YUH] is of HEBREW origin, Keziah or Ketziah is the daughter of Job in the Hebrew Torah. The name means “Cassia”, which is a bark similar to cinnamon.

As with Ces’ name, she is named after two significant characters in TVD/TO! Tatia’s name is shared with her grandmother, who she was named after. Paul originally wanted to name her Raven but when Ash first had Ces, Reggie filled Ash in on the family history concerning his mother and step-father. By the time Ash and Paul have Tati, Ash has probably passed by her portraits and other photos like a gazillion times and feels that she should be honored, he does however, keep her “official” name a secret from both Paul and Reggie until she’s been born and blurts out the name.

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)?

She uses “Goy vey!” In the same way Ron/Weas/ley uses “Seven Hells”.

17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children?

Yes! Growing up seeing her parents literally never falling out of love with each other and being gooey around each other is a huge part of all of their childhoods so they all happen to have a really nice and excited outlook on life and love! She has a few rocky relationships before she settles down with who I endgame her with and they have one child!

The last and final child of Ash and Paul is Nikalus Malachai!

1. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded?

Niklaus [KNEE-k-Laos] is Latin, a variant of Nicholas and it means “Victory of the People”. Way back when (about eight years ago) his name was Nickolas or Nicko, after Nicko Heap! Then it was Alexander, after Alexander Sterling! And then it was Nicholas. Nicholas/Alexander have always been some of my very favorite names so to be able to give them to one of my favorite kids is a blessing in itself!

Malachai [MAH-LUH-KAI] is HEBREW for “My Angel/My Messenger”. Even though he was my first child for Ash and Paul, he is their last child and very unexpected. So in that way, he is their Angel.

My Paul is very learned, he’s finished school and is a music major but he does enjoy history like his father. Being Poké-Jew he loved the name Malachai, Ash however, loved the name Niklaus so they compromised!

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)?

While he doesn’t have a catchphrase, he does like to hum and sing! While he might not be very good at it, his boyfriend Torrance does enjoy it!

17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children?

He does! He’s always been kind of glued to Gary’s son Torrance, and while they go through a few rough patches in their relationship they do care for each other deeply. They end up having four children together.

And yes, Ash and Paul LOVE their grandchildren and enjoy spending time with them!

Thank you again for my ask! They mean so much to me! 💖

Merry meet, merry part and merry meet again!

XO, Aria!

[dkfile]

banana split. 03

❛ the thought hits him like a truck. he doesn’t want you to leave. ❜

word count | 13.0k (13,077) genre | fluff, angst, rivals to lovers, high school au, fake dating ━ cheerleader!reader

jaemin’s first relationship comes in the form of an arrangement with someone he used to despise, and he finds himself not hating it. he knows he doesn’t hate it. too bad he’s not very good at admitting it out loud.

★ warnings | like one mention of underaged drinking, jaemin tries to ignore his feelings, jaemin also can’t express his feelings, renjun and jeno won’t shut up about how lovey dovey you make him feel ★ note | omg i’m so sorry this took so long i like almost gave up halfway and began writing a new fic, but i persevered and now banana split is done!! i think this is probably the most exciting part because it has both the events of the wedding AND homecoming so..... !!! this was really fun to write jaemin is my sweet baby angel i love him so much 3 anyways i hope u enjoy

PART 01 | 02 | 03 [FINAL]

i. LUNGE

At seven in the morning, you’re woken up by Donghyuck’s flood of messages. There’s a cluster of Animojis, Memojis, regular emojis, and pictures of him pretending to be panicked—and you wonder, for a brief moment, how long it took for him to nail his expression before someone on the council shouted at him for not helping out with the homecoming dance decorations. Then, in all caps, he sends you a text saying that everything has gone up in flames, and Chaewon’s shouting at everyone because the stress has finally gotten to her head.

��She’s broken!” Donghyuck exclaims over the phone, alarmed, which answers your unspoken question—you guess he wasn’t pretending to be filled with dreadful anxiety after all. “And I can’t fix her! You have to come here and help—I know you were supposed to come at nine, but we need you now.” And then he says something you never thought he would say. “And bring Jaemin.”

You have never met a morning person in your entire life, so much that you thought they were a myth, but when you meet Jaemin at the front of the school, you realize you’re completely wrong. He’s grinning—like, actually grinning. At seven in the morning, when the sun has barely come up, and the crisp air bleeds through the thin material of his jacket.

“You’re chipper,” you grunt when he finally turns to look at you. His eyes widen a fraction, probably because you look like you’ve just rolled out of bed—which you have—and on the wrong side. You always thought you could look good in anything, but the dishevelled look is something nobody can pull off. “It’s frightening.”

“You look like you just came back from a fight with a raccoon and lost,” Jaemin quips before sizing you up and down. “I’m no fashion critic, but I don’t think blue polka dot pajama pants are gonna get you an invite to New York Fashion Week.”

Dawn has always taken its time seeping into your bones since, apparently, your body seems to enjoy being in an exhausted rampage every morning. Jaemin’s comment should’ve annoyed you like Cal did this morning when he finished the last of your favourite cereal, but for some reason, it doesn’t. Ticks you off a little, sure, but there’s something about his smile that wakes your body up.

You still scowl at him, though, because he made fun of your pajamas. “Is this your long winded way of saying I look ugly?”

“No, of course not! You look good,” he shrugs and spins to turn towards the front entrance, leaving you to gape at his back. “Worse than you usually do, but still—”

“Did you just compliment me?”

“Don’t make me regret it.”

The gymnasium is already consumed in havoc by the time both of you enter. Chaewon is being pried off a table by Donghyuck before she has the chance to shout at a poor unlucky freshman, and she huffs before looking down to examine her clipboard and begins to lecture him on what he could be doing instead of standing around.

“She seems stressed,” Jaemin states casually as he stuffs his hands into his pockets. He looks around the gym with an amused smile as everyone scurries to finish organizing banners and decorations for the homecoming dance. “And this looks like a disaster.”

You nudge his elbow, sending him a look to shut up before sliding gracefully on the floor to reach Donghyuck and Chaewon. Upon seeing you and Jaemin, her shoulders relax while Donghyuck’s face hardens.

“You guys arrived together?” Donghyuck asks suspiciously, halting Chaewon’s intentions to give Jaemin and you instructions.

“No,” you say, narrowing your eyes at Donghyuck. He’s acting strange for someone who had the idea in the first place to invite Jaemin for help. “We met out front.”

Donghyuck bites his tongue. “Right. Nice to see you, Jaemin.”

Jaemin frowns. “Yeah, you too, Donghyuck.”

Both boys straighten, squaring their shoulders to appear taller. Chaewon gapes at the interaction before grumbling about testosterone and the awful superiority complex men have before she levels your gaze with hers. “So, I need you to help Yeji with the banner for the dance—Ryujin will be here soon, she left to go get glitter—and Jaemin, I need you to help Donghyuck with—”

“Me and Jisu are fine,” your friend interrupts abruptly, causing all heads to turn to him. Chaewon’s eye twitches with annoyance—of course Donghyuck would pick today of all days to be irritatingly more difficult and unhelpful than he usually is. “We don’t need Jaemin for food, he can go help Mabel with hanging the streamers.”

“Mabel is ass at hanging the streamers! Look around,” Chaewon exclaims loudly, stretching her arms to gesture to the walls of the gymnasium. In the corner of your eye, you see the aforementioned freshman cower in the corner, and you heave a sigh. To you, the streamers are fine, but the look on Jaemin’s face says otherwise. You shove his elbow again and he sends you a brief glare. “Jisu’s good at decorating. And Jaemin’s in the food business, he’ll know how the world works. He’s helping you.”

“He works at an ice cream parlour.”

“I don’t care. Food is food, dumbass,” Chaewon says sarcastically before grabbing the sleeve of Jaemin’s denim jacket and pulling him towards Donghyuck. “Both of you—suck it up, you’re in charge of food. Y/N, banner.”

“Aye, aye, captain.”

“Don’t call me that, Y/N.”

“It seemed appropriate.”

Chaewon rolls her eyes before pushing in between the two boys to walk towards two underclassmen. Donghyuck’s eyes never leave Jaemin’s, and you’re left standing in the middle, watching the staring contest with blatant displeasure. If Donghyuck had second thoughts of letting you bring Jaemin along, he should’ve said so, because you really don’t have the energy to prevent an inevitable quarrel between your best friend and fake boyfriend. Frankly, you think nobody in the vicinity would want to break apart a catfight, either.

Your hands slip into Jaemin’s and he almost jolts in surprise. “We’ll handle food,” you say, squeezing his hand in hopes he won’t protest. He makes no move to, probably because he’d rather be with you than with Hyuck. You’re too tired to let that thought inflate your ego. “You can help Yeji.”

Donghyuck clicks his tongue. “But Chaewon—”

“This will be better for all of us,” you cut him off. “You’re good at art, right? And I’m good at, um… talking about food.”

Jaemin snorts. “No, you’re not.”

Donghyuck brushes the boy off. “How about we handle food and Jaemin helps with the banner?”

You send your friend an irked look. It really is too early to argue with somebody. “You were texting me last night that you wanted to help with arts and crafts,” you grunt. “You literally spent an hour complaining about your creativity going to waste. So, you help Yeji, and Jaemin and I will be over there.”

“You know Chaewon only separated you two so you wouldn’t get distracted.”

It’s a miracle Donghyuck keeps his eyes on you because Jaemin practically recoils in disgust. “We’re going to be negotiating with catering companies in hopes they’ll give us good food for cheap,” you deadpan, unamused. “I think Jaemin and I will be fine.”

He sighs. “Y/N, don’t be an idiot.”

“Hey!” Chaewon yells from the other side of the gym. “Why are you guys just standing around?”

Squeezing Jaemin’s hand again, you drag him to where you see Jisu sitting at a table, examining various pamphlets and business cards with a frown on her face. Behind you, you hear Donghyuck grumbling under his breath, but you ignore his childishness and instead send Jisu a smile before telling her that Chaewon wants her to help with decorations.

“Thank God,” she says, engulfed in relief. Her eyes linger on your and Jaemin’s linked hands before her lips pull up into a smirk. “Congratulations, by the way. I never thought Jaemin would fall in love with you, given the fact that he used to never go a day without dragging your name through the mud—”

Jaemin clears his throat loudly. “I am not in love.”

Jisu shrugs her jacket off and throws it onto the table. Walking backwards towards Mabel, she flashes the both of you a grin. “Well, only a matter of time, then.”

Jaemin scowls once Jisu’s back is turned. “I hate her,” he gripes, finally letting go of your hand and absentmindedly wiping his skin on his jeans. You frown at the action before taking the seat Jisu sat in previously. Jaemin examines the table with amusement. “Are these takeout menus?”

You grab one of the brochures and beam. “Hey, Cal used to work here!” you scan the paper, unaware of your grin and Jaemin’s gaze. “He used to bring us food after each shift—my Dad was always the one who finished the desserts. That was probably the first red flag—my first clue that he was going to turn out to be a pretty shitty father.”

Jaemin’s face falls. “Y/N—”

“I’m kidding,” you laugh before dropping the material to the side. “But we’re not getting food from here. The manager sucks and I don’t wanna talk to him.”

“Alright…” he trails off, seating himself in a chair across from you. He sifts through the pile of menus before tilting his head. “Is the food at dances usually takeout? I thought you guys said something about catering.”

You shrug. “Chaewon told us that if we say the food has been catered, it makes the school look good, which is kinda stupid, but... yeah. Pretty sure every year the food at the dance is takeout.”

“Most of these aren’t even healthy,” Jaemin’s nose wrinkles, showing his disgust as he rifles through the variety of food options laid out in front of him. “Aren’t schools supposed to serve nutritious food? Isn’t that a thing?”

“Healthy food is expensive,” you say, testing the know-it-all tone Chaewon typically uses on your tongue. Jaemin looks up, and you decide then that you don’t like how it fits your voice. “And these are the only options we have. Let’s start with eliminating some options—the vegan place is definitely out, I’m pretty sure they got health hazards last summer—”

“Why don’t we bake?” Jaemin thinks aloud, interrupting your explanation and silencing you. “Well, not you. I bake, because you’re a disaster—” you huff. He almost smiles, “—but you can help with, like, the mixing and plating and… putting things in the oven.”

You cross your arms over your chest. “I can help with the actual baking, I’m not a complete lost cause—”

“Yeah, okay,” he waves you off. “But the homecoming dance is after the wedding, isn’t it, so…”

Biting the inside of your cheek and slowly unfolding your arms, you lean forward, your middle pressing against the table. “You’re suggesting we bake for the wedding and the dance.”

He nods. “The school doesn’t waste money so it takes things off your friend’s plate, and you’re fulfilling your promise with helping me with Aunt Eunbin’s wedding. Two birds, one stone.”

“Isn’t that more work for us, though?”

“Probably, but…” his lips part, eyes looking faraway before they meet yours again, bright with opportunity, like of a sanguine boy who is full of nothing but optimistic ideas. Reading other people is only ever a challenge if a person is unconsciously hiding what they truly feel, as if doing so is second nature, and you’ve come to realize that Jaemin can keep his emotions underneath the surface if that’s what he desires. “We’ll be fine, right? I mean, yesterday wasn’t so bad.”

“Yesterday we had a heart-to-heart about my asshole dad and my mom’s failed marriage.”

Jaemins actually tsks. “So? It’s nice learning these things about you—well, okay, you know what I mean,” he nonchalantly picks up the first brochure you discarded and traces the label on the front. “And, who knows, maybe, I’ll tell you the reason why I actually hate you.”

Eyebrows raised, you ask, “Hate, present tense?”

He doesn’t even bother to ponder your question. “Right, sorry. Hated, past tense.”

For some odd reason, you think your chest warms.

ii. DOUBLE 9

Nine minutes after Jaemin confesses to not completely hating your guts, Donghyuck drags you out of the gymnasium. He says it’s because he’s going to the vending machines to get everybody snacks, but you know it’s a ploy to talk to you without Chaewon grumbling about the productivity her two best friends lack.

Ever since your dad moved away, Cal’s worries had shifted, going from making sure you didn’t enter his room without permission to being certain there was still a roof above your heads and food on your plate, all while staying up late to finish his assignments so he can hand them in on time. So, Donghyuck has taken responsibility for all brotherly things, which Cal is thankful for. However, you aren’t, since Cal has never been an overprotective brother and could care less about the people you date. Donghyuck is a different story. Obviously. He doesn’t make that fact unknown.

The two of you arrive at the vending machines. His head is down as he reads the list of snacks he wrote in his notes app; a granola bar for Mabel, bag of carrots for Jisu, Doritos for Yeji… You walk to the other vending machine, which is for beverages, and grab the grape Powerade Chaewon asked you to retrieve. You refrain from gagging in disgust at the flavour she chose and instead wait for Donghyuck to finish at the machine he currently stands in front of so you can get the bag of pretzels Jaemin asked for.

The sound of thumbs pressing against buttons is interrupted when Donghyuck says, “Jaemin seems nice.”

You stare at Hyuck, watching as he bends down to get the snacks before he turns to look at you. His face shows everything but sincerity, and you almost roll your eyes. “Thanks, I can tell that you really mean that,” you state monotonously. Donghyuck purses his lips before turning away again to put more quarters through the slit of the machine. “I don’t understand what your problem is. If you didn’t want him here, why did you tell me to bring him?”

“Wasn’t my idea,” Donghyuck groans, his head hanging back briefly as he recalls the events of the moments before you and Jaemin arrived to help the student council. “Chaewon was complaining about how our options for food suck and Jisu mentioned that Jaemin is good with culinary stuff, and since you planted the idea in her head that Jaemin offered to help with organizing homecoming…”

The machine beeps after each button Hyuck presses. You’re silent for a moment, watching his movements before commenting, with the confidence of the world on your chest, “He’s a good guy.”

“He hates you.”

“Hated,” you correct, and you feel lighter, knowing that this isn’t something you have to lie about. “If you would just give him a chance—”

“I was talking to Chanhee last night,” Donghyuck interjects. “He can’t believe you’re dating Jaemin. He said it feels… weird, because, you know, he used to hate you. Even your friends think this is strange, Y/N.”

You murmur something in a low, gruff tone before moving towards the vending machine after Donghyuck’s finished with getting all the snacks. You slip in the remainder of your change—Jaemin promised to pay you back, although you’re sure that isn’t true, considering you basically made him pay for your meal days ago when the two of you were at Denny’s. “I don’t have time for this.”

“I don’t trust him,” Donghyuck persists, pressing his lips together firmly. “I want to, but—”

“Then let’s hangout,” you suggest, tossing the pretzels in the air before catching it. Your vision focuses on Hyuck’s lips parted in surprise. “Later, before we go home, you can get to know him. Invite Chanhee if you want, too, since the both of you agree that me and Jaemin’s relationship is a hoax.”

Which it is. But you are not admitting that to Donghyuck.

“We don’t think that,” he scoffs as the two of you begin your trek back to the gymnasium. “It’s just weird, I think, to start dating your sworn enemy.”

“You are so fucking dramatic.”

He sends you a curt glare. “I’m being serious.”

“So am I,” you stop and so does he, the two of you staring at each other in the quiet hallway, surrounded by lockers and the faint noise of your peers just around the corner. “We’ll go to Denny’s. Tell Chanhee to meet us there.”

He searches your face. “You’re joking.”

“I’m not.”

Donghyuck is quiet for a beat before he exhales. “Fine. Denny’s after this.”

He starts walking first and you follow after him, wincing at the reaction Jaemin will have once you tell him what you have just gotten yourselves into. You reason with yourself that this is fair—you were introduced to Jaemin’s world a few days ago, and today he’s being introduced to yours. Now, you’re even.

“Where were you guys?” Jaemin whines once you reach the table after handing a disgruntled Chaewon her Powerade. “I’ve been waiting for you for ten minutes! We need to figure out the—”

You glance at the time on your phone. “It’s only been nine minutes.”

“Okay, close enough,” he huffs before making grabbing gestures with his hands in an attempt to take the pretzels from your hands. “Now give me my food please.”

You toss the bag to him before sending him a hesitant smile. “Jaemin. I have a question.”

The boy places two miniature pretzels on his tongue and hums in response. When you don’t reply to his acknowledgement, he looks up at you, worry spilling from his mouth when he asks, “What? Are you okay?”

You bite your tongue before deciding to rip off the bandaid. “How do you feel about a double date?”

Jaemin’s eyebrows furrow, searching your face for any tell that shows you’re lying, only to come up short. He sighs, dropping his hands onto his lap before begrudgingly asking, “With who?”

“Chanhee—” Jaemin exhales with relief, and if you said the next name a second earlier, he would’ve missed it entirely. “—and Donghyuck.”

Jaemin’s gaze snaps up to yours and respite is swept away from him too quickly. He looks at you with disbelief.

You grimace. It was nice to know that he stopped hating you—although, after this, his tolerance might be short lived.

iii. DOUBLE HOOK DATE

Whoever thought double dates aren’t ploys where an individual tries to make somebody jealous, interventions dressed as chocolate milkshakes and blueberry pancakes, or both, are delusional. Jaemin thinks these things only ever really end in disaster—which is an indirect way of him saying he’s watched too many trashy Hallmark romcoms—and told you multiple times that this will only backfire.

But if you backed out now, Donghyuck and Chanhee would raise eyebrows, so you slammed your foot on the gas pedal instead.

The Spotify Teen Beats playlist you put on shuffle—due to you and Jaemin arguing over music for five minutes in the school’s parking lot—is immediately drowned out by him listing talking points to go over during the date slash interrogation. One that you wouldn’t be in if it weren’t for you wanting to prove Donghyuck wrong. There’s a large chance Jaemin will hold this over your head, but you can’t bring yourself to worry about it when all your fake boyfriend is doing is quizzing you on how your supposed first date went.

“We went to the arcade,” you say, causing Jaemin to groan.

“I don’t like the arcade and Chanhee knows this—”

“What kind of person doesn’t like the arcade?” you huff, baffled by Jaemin’s confession. You try to stop yourself from calling him boring and landing both of you in a debate about the pros and cons of claw machines, and instead state, “Never mind. We’ll just say I wanted to go to the arcade and you said yes because you liked me so much.”

“There’s no way Chanhee’s going to believe that.”

“What, that you’re in love with me? Come on, it can’t be that hard to act that out.”

Jaemin gives you a look. “It can.”

Before you have a chance to retort, your phone beeps with a text from Chanhee, saying he’s sitting in his favourite booth in the corner, and sends another message with a smiley face. The emoji stares up into your face, taunting you, and you unbuckle your seatbelt before reaching to unlock the doors.

“Whoa, hold on,” Jaemin protests immediately as you move to step out of the car. “We haven’t finished discussing the details—”

“Think of this as a…” you trail off waving your hand in the air, staring at the cloudy sky. You can’t bear to sit in the car while your friends are waiting inside the restaurant, determined to pick apart this relationship. You’d rather get this over with than to prepare for it. “An improv exercise. You need more practice with that, anyway.”

Jaemin gapes at you from the passenger’s seat. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Let’s go!” you sing, slamming the door shut and walking towards the entrance. Jaemin is quick to catch up to you and you reach into your pocket to lock the car. After hearing the satisfying beep, you walk into Denny’s, welcoming the cool air-conditioning and the sound of sizzling eggs and brunch chatter.

Jaemin glances around then sends a reluctant wave to Chanhee, the action catching your eye. You and Jaemin send each other a brief encouraging look before walking towards the booth, where Chanhee and Donghyuck sit side-by-side, the former eyeing the two of you with suspicion while the latter examines the menu.

“Hey,” Chanhee breathes out a greeting. You haven’t seen him since cheerleading practice a few days ago—Coach has decided to dwindle the amount of practices, thank God—and you haven’t sat with the cheerleaders at lunch in a while either, so you’ve only seen him in the hallways since the both of you don’t share any classes. “Haven’t seen the both of you in forever. Clearly we have some catching up to do.”

“I saw you on Wednesday,” says Jaemin, urging you to go into the booth first. A tactic, so it’s easy for him to escape to the bathroom if the conversation becomes too much for him. Before you have the chance to argue, he kicks your foot, and you’re forced to slide into the booth before Donghyuck or Chanhee can ask questions.

“Yeah, but I didn’t know the two of you were dating then,” he shrugs, fidgeting with the top of the salt shaker. “You guys are cute, by the way.”

Donghyuck purses his lips while you beam. “Thanks!”

Sliding the menu over to Jaemin, Donghyuck says, “So, Jaemin, how was everything earlier? You find it okay?” There’s a beat, an awkward pause in the middle of Donghyuck’s statement where he wants to add something else but can’t string the right words together. Eventually, he settles for: “Y/N wasn’t a pain in the ass or anything? You know, they get cranky early in the morning.”

You kick Donghyuck’s shin and he thinly veils a wince. “Everyone is cranky in the morning—you’re moodier than me!”

Donghyuck does nothing to acknowledge your statement and keeps his eyes on Jaemin instead, patiently waiting for an answer that satisfies him. Donghyuck’s ego inflates drastically when he’s proven right, and you’ll never hear the end of this if Jaemin ends up stumbling over himself.

Jaemin casts a sideways glance towards you and you catch the helplessness swirling in his irises before he flashes Donghyuck a smile. “It was good! We figured out what to do about the food situation. Chaewon approved it.”

The end of Jaemin’s reply catches Donghyuck off guard. Chaewon is notorious for never being happy with the end result of things—especially if she’s flooded with stress and the desire to make sure everything is up to par. You had been surprised, too, when all Chaewon did upon hearing your idea was send you a relieved smile before moving to talk to Ryujin about tickets. Donghyuck’s shock, however, is enough to make you a little smug, and when he sees the look on your face, he almost rolls his eyes.

Chanhee clears his throat. “Oh, what food is gonna be at the dance, then? Please tell me it’s not that vegan place again, last summer I heard—”

“Oh,” Jaemin shakes his head. “We’re baking.”

Chanhee’s jaw goes slack. “Y/N’s baking?”

“No,” Jaemin declines quickly, and you scowl at how Chanhee’s shoulders deflate. It’s insulting that they have no faith in you. “No, oh my God, that would be awful. I’m baking, Y/N’s decorating. Making everything look pretty, it’s the only way things won’t turn out to be a disaster.”

You shove his shoulder gently to make it seem lighthearted. “Okay, what the hell, I can be a good baker if I wanted to.” Donghyuck’s mask of indifference melts hastily, and he almost laughs at your protest. “I think if I practiced more I could become, like, the Leonardo DiCaprio of baking.”

Jaemin hums. “I don’t like Leonardo DiCaprio.”

You huff. “Of course you don’t.”

“Seriously,” he sighs airily, thumbing the edges of the Denny’s menu while he looks at you from the corner of his eye. “You could’ve picked anyone in Hollywood and you picked Leonardo DiCaprio? Why not, like, I don’t know… someone more influential.”

“Who’s more influential than Leonardo?”

“Ellen.”

“What the fuck?”

Jaemin grins, face sparkling with mirth at your reaction. He leans back, pressing his spine against the plush booth and shrugs, “I’m kidding, obviously. That isn’t the point, though. The point is, you can’t bake at all.”

“The fact that you have no faith in me at all is hurtful,” you complain. “I think I could bake and be successful if I put my mind to it. If you ever tried to do a cheer stunt, you’d fail.”

“Who says I can’t! I’m flexible!”

“Chanhee,” you pointedly look at your teammate who was previously watching the conversation with delighted amusement. He’s surprised to hear his name, and something dawns on him when he realizes that he’s going to be dragged into this lover’s quarrel. “Do you think Jaemin would be a good cheerleader?”

Chanhee ponders for a moment, scrutinizing Jaemin before shaking his head. “No. You’re not flexible, Jaemin—I’ve seen you—”

Jaemin gapes. “I can’t believe this.”

“Sorry, man, I’m just saying.”

The conversation shifts from your baking skills and Jaemin’s chances of making it on the cheerleading team (which Chanhee argues are low, considering he’d have to be peppy all the time, and Jaemin absolutely does not have the energy to pretend to be cheerful for a long period of time), to the latest gossip Chanhee heard in the boys’ locker room during gym class. You join in the conversation, too, because you forgot how good gossip from Chanhee was until it became about you, but across from you, Donghyuck has become uncharacteristically silent.

The last time Donghyuck was this quiet might’ve been when you were crying on Chaewon’s couch because your Dad had decided he was going to move. Hyuck was mute while Chaewon laid your head in her lap, and they both thought, for a moment, you were upset that your dad was leaving, until you managed to choke out that you’d have to: “Fucking unpack all those stupid boxes.” Your tears were angry ones, not sad, and once Donghyuck realized, he started cracking jokes to make you feel better.

Comforting you while you’re dejected was never quite his forte, but he knew what quips could make you happy if you’re mad.

The last time Donghyuck was this quiet was last year, and that idea alone makes you uneasy.

When Chanhee and Jaemin leave to go talk to the waitress (something was wrong with Chanhee’s order and he was scared to confront the employee alone), you’re left frowning at Donghyuck. All the thoughts in his head are jumbled, and in order for them to make sense, he has to piece them together like a puzzle. It takes him moments to realize you’re staring at him, and when he finally comes to, he sighs.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, concern flickering on your face when Donghyuck licks his lips and throws his head back in defeat. “Is it the food?”

“No, I was just…” he stares at the ceiling, lips closing and parting before he continues, “he doesn’t hate you.”

You roll your eyes. “Christ—”

“No, listen,” Donghyuck interrupts, shaking his head slowly. “He actually likes you.”

“Then why do you look like that?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know,” you frown. “Like you’re not convinced he does.”

“It’s just surprising is all,” he shrugs. “And… yeah, it’s weird that he doesn’t hate you anymore, but… this is good, Y/N. It’s nice to see you happy.”

Donghyuck’s tone and expression doesn’t match his words. His typical smile is nowhere to be seen, and he’s holding back, not saying the one thing on his mind that’s bothering him the most. You click your tongue, “But…?”

He frowns. “But what?”

“There’s something you aren’t saying.”

Donghyuck sucks in a breath like he’s preparing himself for an unpleasant reaction he knows is inevitable. Clasping his hands together and placing them on the rink, he murmurs slowly, “I think I would’ve preferred if he actually did hate you, otherwise this whole thing would be easier.”

It takes you a moment to register what he’s saying, and you have to bite your tongue to prevent yourself from grumbling at him. You’ve always known Donghyuck to be a frustrating person, but this feels different.

“I don’t understand,” you scoff. “Before, you didn’t trust him because he hated me and now you don’t trust him because he doesn’t?”

Hyuck sighs, rubbing his eyelids until they sting. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

He rolls his tongue in his mouth, taking in every detail of your face that’s twitching with annoyance before he says softly, “Things hurt the most when they come from people you care about.” Concern is etched into every word, and you almost jolt at his implication. “I’m not… saying he’s going to hurt you, Y/N, but, just— be careful, okay? He’s more capable of hurting you than he was before.”

Before you get the chance to respond, Jaemin and Chanhee arrive back at the table, loud and rowdy as Chanhee starts complaining about how rude the waitress was. The pink-haired boy is unaware of how tense you’ve gotten since they left, and when he isn’t looking, Jaemin nudges your elbow as he reaches to grab his drink.

“Are you okay?”

Donghyuck glances over and sends you a look.

You shake his words from your head. “Yeah,” you say, giving Jaemin the smallest of smiles. “I’m great.”

iv. COTTON CANDY

With each passing day the wedding inches closer, and Jaemin has more stress clogging his lungs than he did on finals week. He suspects this is just one of the side effects of playing an important part on the big day, but nevertheless, Jaemin decides he’s no longer going to organize any more weddings unless it’s his.

He’s exhausted. Every waking moment is spent on his feet. There’s still some small details for the reception dessert menu he has to tweak, and when he’s not worrying about whether or not anyone invited is allergic to peanuts, he’s helping the student council with the homecoming dance. Despite already finishing details for food, there’s still the process of convincing the principal having two teenagers bake is a good idea—and to put the stress of that on top of Chaewon’s pushiness and Donghyuck’s barely concealed skepticism is enough for the energy to be drained out of Jaemin completely.

There’s also the fact that his friends are bugging him about his relationship. Renjun has sent him dozens of cute date ideas!!! Pinterest boards and Jeno is absolutely over the moon, despite him being confused when he first heard of the news.

His co-workers won’t leave him alone either. Yesterday, Chaeryeong had told him when the best times to talk to you were before the homecoming game, and then claimed that his encouragement would make you so chipper that even their coach would be surprised. Doyoung overheard about Jaemin’s new relationship and has been grilling him about it whenever they share the same shift.

Almost surprisingly, the only person who hasn’t caused his brain to go completely haywire is you. He assumes it’s because you’re going through the same things he is—the other day he overheard Hyunjin complaining that there was a lack of Jaemin on your Instagram page and just this morning you told him that your brother has been interrogating you about him since you woke up.

There’s a level of understanding between you two that Jaemin has grown to like. And he thinks he wouldn’t mind admitting it out loud. Maybe he’d do so when it’s quiet, or when there’s nobody around to hear it except you… but that counts, doesn’t it?

Yangyang was right that night in ninth grade about you not being as bad as Jaemin made you out to be. The weight of his melodramatic junior high grudge has been lifted off his chest, and he feels lighter. When he’s around you, his chest fills with an emotion he’s not used to. It’s unfamiliar and surprising, like cold fingers pressed against warm skin, but it’s not entirely unwelcome.

Jaemin isn’t quite sure what to call it. Tolerance makes it sound trivial. Like doesn’t feel right on his tongue.

“How do you not know how to tie a tie?” Renjun calls dramatically, annoying a disgruntled Jeno who stands in front of Jaemin’s full-length mirror. Jeno’s fingers dance and twirl around the striped accessory, trying to figure out the mechanics of it but failing miserably.

“This is harder than you think it is.”

Jaemin knows full well that Renjun doesn’t know how to tie a tie either, no matter how many YouTube tutorials he’s watched, but Jaemin’s enjoying watching two of his friends bicker over something so minor. When Jeno’s hands drop to his side and he groans loudly, Jaemin moves to go help him but slouches back against his headboard when he remembers someone’s leaning against him.

You’ve been asleep on his shoulder for half an hour and his arm has gone numb, but he doesn’t have it in him to slip out of your grasp. You’re clinging on to him, something Jeno and Renjun didn’t even bother to let slide, considering they made fun of Jaemin and his reddening cheeks for almost fifteen minutes before Jeno accidentally let it slip he doesn’t know how to tie a tie around his neck.

You had come over with the intention to hang out with him and his friends but ended up falling asleep partway through their debate on the Best Picture Oscar nominees. Fatigue’s hit you like a truck, and you haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in a while, a fact Jaemin is sure of considering you send him funny tweets at three a.m.

“Yangyang wants to go to the arcade at three,” Renjun announces as he stares at his phone. His gaze flicks up to Jeno who shrugs, and then his eyebrows rise when they land on you and Jaemin. “You haven’t complained about Y/N in the past thirty minutes.”

Jaemin frowns. “Um… okay?”

“I’m just observing,” Renjun muses with a teasing glint in his eyes. Then he slouches further on Jaemin’s favourite beanbag chair and waves his phone in the air. “So? Arcade?”

Jaemin’s unsure of why he even ponders the question when he already knows what his answer will be. “No, it’s okay,” he murmurs, afraid that if he speaks any louder he’ll startle you. Jeno and Renjun share a knowing look. “I think we’ll just stay here. Y/N’s exhausted.”

Renjun nods, sending him a small smile. “Alright. Next time, then.”

To get some feeling in his fingers, Jaemin drums his against your knuckles. Your cheek rests against his shoulder and he feels the warmth of your breath through his shirt. This is the calmest he’s seen you all week, and he has no doubt that he’ll feel horrible if he wakes you up from your nap.

“Yeah,” he says. “Next time.”

Jeno meets his eyes through the mirror. His eyes crinkle and his lips curl upwards and he only shrugs when Jaemin frowns at him questioningly. Then, the smile is quickly wiped from his face when he ties a funny looking knot in his tie.

“Renjun, can you get up and help me?”

v. COCONUT BLISS

The skies are cloudless, a blank blue canvas blanketing the people underneath it. Sunlight beams, tickling his back, and the feeling of its presence only goes away temporarily when zephyr blows by, reminding Jaemin it’s there and he doesn’t have to worry about sweating through his button-up ivory shirt.

The only flaw this day has is that it’s incredibly loud—the best days are always peaceful, he thinks, and today is anything but. His little cousins zip through the rows of white chairs, sweat sticking to their foreheads and joviality clinging to their souls. The relatives who always huddle together and gossip have found their little corner near the back, and the teenagers who are trying to avoid Grandma’s kisses are standing as far away as their parents will let them.

Wind gently tousles his hair, and after its hasty disappearance, Jisung runs through the row in front of him, chasing after his little brother with a laugh tumbling from his throat.

Jeno is seated next to him (he doesn’t let anybody so much as touch his tie, with the irrational fear it will come undone, which he can’t afford since he spent too long on WikiHow trying to perfect it), chatting with Renjun who’s going on and on about how excited he is. Jaemin’s pretty sure the last time he saw Renjun grinning this widely was last year when the musical finally ended and he was no longer burdened with the stress it came with.

Jaemin’s aware that he’s the only person who doesn’t enjoy weddings (if you exclude those bitter cynical adults in post-university movies who are always going to every wedding they’re invited to except their own). It’s not like he hates it—he’s happy for Aunt Eunbin, really, but he isn’t quite sure why people need expensive celebrations to show someone they love each them.

And from the amount of dramas he’s watched, love only ends up failing in the end, anyway. Jaemin is perfectly fine with the friends he has by his side and—

“Hey, I think this is the first wedding I’ve been to where the bride and groom aren’t getting cold feet.”

And you. Jaemin wonders if you fit in his friend category.

“Isn’t that a bad thing?” Renjun asks while you settle in the seat in front of Jeno and turn your body so you’re facing all three boys.

“Of course it isn’t!” you exclaim in protest, but Jaemin senses the glint of hesitation in your eyes. “It shows that they’re not afraid… I think.” You pause, grimacing while Jaemin smiles in amusement, and then you add, “God, what the hell, Renjun, you got in my head!”

Jeno snorts. “Eunbin and Rodrigo love each other, there’s no need to be worried,” he reassures softly, and this causes your brief panic to fade away. “Next time, don’t listen to Renjun, he normally has nothing good to say, anyway.”

Renjun pinches Jeno’s arm. “That is not true!”

The two boys start to bicker and neither notice you shuffling to sit into the seat in front of Jaemin. He meets your eyes, matches the smile on your face, and feels something other than the welcoming breeze hit him. This is an emotion, the kind that roars in the pit of his stomach like a monstrous flame and is impossible to put out.

It burns his insides.

“Are you excited?” you say giddily, curling your fingers on the back of the chair and leaning forward. “And don’t say you aren’t, because you’re literally beaming, and that’s not a face people make when they’re anything but excited.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “Why did you ask when you already knew what I was gonna say?”

You shrug with no response to answer his question, but the grin never fades from your face. The excitement you have is something Jaemin noticed doesn’t go away; it twinkles under the sunlight and seeps into the colour of your eyes, and it’s devastatingly easy to get lost in. It’s the type of excitement that’s jittery, nervous, where the only thing that can keep you still is daydreaming of the endless happily ever afters.

You push the chair forward, swinging towards him before gravity pushes you back to the ground. “I can’t believe you invited me,” you murmur, breathless and joyful. “It’s so nice here! And it’s so exciting—did you see those flowers?”

“They’re tulips,” Jaemin says before he even shifts his gaze to where you’re pointing. He was in the kitchen doing his homework when Eunbin and Rodrigo were discussing flower arrangements for almost two hours. Thanks to that, he knows too much about flowers, facts he can never imagine himself using, other than situations where you point to the ones you find pretty and wonder what kind they are. “They’re pretty.”

Satisfied with his answer, you turn back to him. “Speaking of pretty, you look nice.”

It’s unexplainable, the fact that he didn’t choke at your sudden declaration. “Thanks. You too.”

Despite the lack of enthusiasm in his reply, you say, “I think that might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“What?” he frowns. “No, I’ve said nicer things before. Didn’t I say I liked your pajamas?”

“The blue ones? You said those were ugly!”

“I definitely didn’t say that.”

“You implied it,” you scoff goodnaturedly. “And before that, you said I looked uglier than I usually did—”

“You have to stop saying I called you ugly when we both know you aren’t—”

“Okay, that was the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Here’s the truth: you aren’t an eyesore, and it’s a shame that his compliments only turn up backhanded because he truly does mean them—he just gets a little tongue-twisted when it comes to things like this.

You don’t wait for his reply, only continuing to list things off while you push yourself on the chair. Your voice rings in his ears, and he doesn’t seem to notice that your rambling is the cause of the growing amusement on his face. Beside him, Jeno and Renjun have glanced over to the two of you, whispering amongst themselves before Jeno sticks his foot out the moment you tip your chair towards Jaemin, and instead of falling back, you continue to fall forward. Panic rises, and Jaemin reaches forward to steady you before you have the chance to splat against his chest.

Quickly, Jeno tucks his foot underneath his chair with the face of a scheming best friend. Jaemin doesn’t even get a chance to glare at him because you’re untangling yourself from his arms, then fixing the chair so it’s upright. Thankfully, nobody has seemed to notice the fuss, and you groan about how your outfit is probably a mess before excusing yourself to the bathroom.

Renjun pipes up as soon as you’re out of earshot. “That was very heroic.”

“What the hell was that?” Jaemin hisses.

“You saved them!” Jeno says, grinning with mischief. “From falling and embarrassment. That was very cute.”

Jaemin huffs. “You tipped their chair over.” He’s a little annoyed that his conversation with you was cut short because of Jeno and Renjun butting in—although he would never say that out loud, he’s pretty sure his friends are already aware of the fact. “Why would you do that?”

Renjun leans over Jeno’s lap and narrows his eyes. “Dude, are you blushing?”

“Oh, Christ.”

“I never knew someone could have that effect on you,” Renjun muses while Jeno nods in agreement. Jaemin slouches in his chair and turns towards the front, not enjoying being analyzed by his own friends. “Let alone Y/N. You’re, like... giddy.”

It only takes that last part for Jaemin to turn back, eyebrows furrowed. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You’re happier,” Renjun clicks his tongue. “It’s weird. Not bad, just weird. It’s good, though.”

“I’m not—” Jaemin sputters. He feels the heat climbing up from his fingertips to his collarbone to his neck. “I’m not acting weird!”

“It’s not a bad thing,” Jeno smiles, clearly having a kick at Jaemin’s bashfulness. “They make you happy. We’re happy for you.”

Jaemin feels his chest twinge. Something stabs his heart, blunt and dull, but not enough for a wound to form and spill emotions he’s gotten very good at disguising.

When you come back from the bathroom, looking no different than the last he saw you except for the obvious satisfaction on your lips (he supposes you were successful in fixing your appearance after all), you sit beside him, falling perfectly into the conversation Renjun has started. Your hands slip into Jaemin’s too easily, too quickly, and it feels too familiar.

His chest twinges again, and he manages to convince himself he doesn’t like it.

vi. SHOW N’ GO

You don’t think you’ve ever felt lonely before. Not really.

The closest you’ve ever been to loneliness is when your dad decided to leave, but you think that doesn’t count, since everyone in your household knew exactly what you were going through. You have never been lonely before, which is perhaps why you can’t differentiate loneliness from being alone.

And although it may not be as sad as the former, being alone is embarrassing. At least, that’s what you think. You don’t like the feeling you get when you sit in English class without Chaewon next to you, or eating at the lunch table without Donghyuck to snatch food off your tray. Your heart is filled to the brim with dread when you’re the last one in the locker room—but maybe that’s because you’ve been watching too many scary videos at night instead of doing your homework—and you still freak out a little when you lose Cal in the aisles of the grocery store.

Nobody seems to be looking at you during the reception, but you still feel out of place, sitting stiffly at the table without anyone to talk to. Renjun has left to go to the bathroom, and Jaemin and Jeno are currently being smothered by who you assume to be Jaemin’s parents—whom you haven’t met yet, and you hope that you won’t have to, because meeting other peoples’ parents stresses you out. It took you months to not grimace in front of Chaewon’s mom.

You drum your fingers against the silverware, staring at the place card they’ve put on your spot at the table. You recognize the handwriting to be Jaemin’s, with the way it flows gently on the paper, and you’ve seen him doodle those pink flowers into the side of your notebook while Chaeryeong was talking to you about the cheer routine during lunch a few days ago. A soft smile tugs at your lips as you trace the gold writing and the flowers in the corner.

“Hey,” Jaemin slides into the chair beside you, exhaling like he’s just managed to escape something he thought he wouldn’t be able to slip out of. “You okay?”

He’s developed the habit of asking you this particular question whenever he sees you. You two could be separated for only a few minutes before he taps your shoulder and asks: "Are you alright?” It’s endearing. It doesn’t annoy you as much as you thought it would. Maybe he is trying to piss you off but it’s backfiring in his face. Or maybe he actually cares.

You shudder.

“Mhm,” you nod, placing the object back on the table. “Your hair is dishevelled.”

Jaemin grumbles but a smile appears on his lips. “My mom was trying to fix my hair but she only made it worse.” He’s silent for a beat before his expression quickly turns mischievous. “Oh, you haven’t met her yet, have you? We can go do that right now!”

Your eyes widen. “Um, I haven’t eaten dessert yet—”

“Dessert can wait.” He’s quick to dismiss you and his eagerness turns your stomach. “Come on! She’s so nice! A little overbearingly happy sometimes, but nothing you can’t handle, since you’re literally a cheerleader.”

You don’t even bother to reply to his insult. He grabs your hand and pulls you up, and your stomach turns again, but this time for entirely different reasons.

He’s fast with the way he slips by other tables, careful not to trip over unpushed chairs and people heading to talk to their friend across the room. He greets the cousins who shout his name and waves politely at relatives he’s aware of but doesn’t know all that well, until he stops in front of a table near the front he was hanging around before.

Jaemin lets go and sits in the chair next to his mom, urging you to take the seat beside him. You do so, and ignore your hand’s sudden lack of warmth.

“Mom,” he says. “This is the person Aunt Eunbin was talking about.”

The attention is quickly taken off of Jeno, to which the boy is thankful for, and he slumps against his chair. The look on his face is exhausted and embarrassed, an odd combination you would’ve laughed at if you weren’t so tense. Your eyes move past Jeno and land on the woman Jaemin has just addressed—his mother is the spitting image of him, pretty with bright eyes, and you’re astonished at the similarity between them.

“Oh,” the woman says eagerly. “Jaemin talks about you a lot—” There’s a loud protest beside you, “—I’m his mom.”

She leans over her son to shake your hand. Her smile is contagious. “Uh, I’m Y/N.”

“You’re just as beautiful as Eunbin said,” she muses casually, examining the details of your face with sincerity and softness. You start to feel your limbs growing hot at the sudden compliment. Jaemin’s mother turns to him, stern and scolding. “Jaemin, you never told me they were pretty.”

“Mom!”

She ignores him. “I really wish we could’ve met sooner, but all Jaemin has been doing is making sure we never cross paths.”

Jaemin reaches over to squeeze your knee and you immediately start to feel yourself relax. “That’s not true, we’ve just been busy! You know Y/N decorated the desserts?”

“Ah, that was you?” she asks curiously. “Those designs were very nice—where did you learn to draw like that?”

“Oh, it’s a natural talent, I guess,” you explain softly. Jaemin does a double take beside you, having never heard you speak so quietly before. “My mom’s good at drawing, I think I probably get it from her. But I’m more of a sports person than an artist, so I don’t draw much… which was probably why Jaemin was so surprised when my cupcakes turned out better than his.”

Jaemin scoffs but he feels your body begin to lose tension after his mother laughs, and he slightly falters. “Well, promise me you’ll help Jaemin more with baking. You two make a good team,” she clasps her hands together. “The macaroons you two made were delicious, by the way!”

“Ah, I haven’t tried them yet.”

“Oh? Why is that?”

“Jaemin brought me here to—”

“Jaemin,” his mother scolds, tutting and shaking her head. “Let your date eat.”

Jaemin’s mouth forms into a petulant pout. “But you were saying you wanted to meet them so I brought them here!”

“At least let them eat first,” Mrs Na sighs, closing her eyes for a brief second before she gestures for you and Jeno to stand up. “You two go and get some desserts while I tell Jaemin how important it is to treat your date well— have you even asked them to homecoming yet?”

“Mom—!”

Jeno halts as he’s pushing his chair in. His eyes flicker from you to Jaemin in confusion. “You’re going to homecoming?”

“Of course he is!” Mrs Na exclaims. “He’s been helping Y/N and their friends organize it for a while—it would be a shame if he didn’t go at all.”

Jeno opens his mouth to speak—perhaps to comment on the oddity of Jaemin attending a school event he’s spoken up against too many times to count—but then closes it. He murmurs a confused but accepting ah, before nodding his head towards you, and you suddenly remember he’s waiting to accompany you to the food table.

Jeno is fast to bring up homecoming by the time his friend’s voice is drowned out by the DJ. “You, Jaemin, and homecoming…?”

“Uh, yeah, maybe,” you stammer while playing with your fingers. “We haven’t really talked about it.”

Jeno doesn’t speak for a moment, silently pulling his thoughts together before he lets out an amazed laugh. “Wow, he really must— wow.” His laughter is breathless, like he’s bewildered but not opposed. Your eyebrows furrow. “Sorry, I just never pictured Jaemin going to a school dance, let alone with you—no offence, he just… God, he just hated you for a while, you know?”

You snort. “Was it really that bad?”

“Yes. Oh my God,” Jeno chuckles, tucking his hands in his pockets while he leads you to the table of food. “He would never shut up about it—which was probably because he was so frustrated that he liked you so much, now that I think about it. If that even makes any sense.”

“Do you know why he hated me?” you ask. You wonder if Jeno has the answer to the question you’ve been wondering about—something Jaemin has that he won’t give. “I’ve asked but he’s never told me…”

“He’s told me before,” Jeno shrugs. “But I never fully understood it. He, just… he wasn’t holding a grudge because of you, he was mad because he lost.”

“So he was mad at me because he was a loser?”

“There’s more to it,” Jeno sucks in a breath. “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask him about it. Maybe you’ll understand more than I do.” Then, upon arriving at the table, Jeno picks up a baked treat and meticulously places it in his hand, and adds with fond genuinity, “he’s happier because of you, you know—sorry, that’s cheesy. I never thought I’d say that either, but… you’re good for him, I think. You’re bringing him to homecoming. That’s something.”

“Oh.” His words are a lot to take in, and Jeno doesn’t seem to notice that you’re taken aback because he starts to fix the dessert place cards that have been haphazardly thrown out of place. “That’s… thanks.”

“Yeah. It’s nice to see him like this.” The boy turns to you then, sudden and with an amused glint in his eye. “Don’t let that feed your ego. And don’t break his heart.”

You force a smile. “I won’t.”

vii. FOOL’S GOLD

Jaemin thinks everything is more beautiful when it’s peaceful.

He’s pretty sure there’s no evidence to back that up—he just thinks that, when it’s quiet, he’s able to enjoy the beauty of everything more. The way his cufflinks glimmer underneath the light of the chandelier, the baby pink ribbon tying Eunbin’s bouquet together, the catchy tune of the unfamiliar song playing through the speakers. Things are worse when it’s loud, blaring in his ears until there is nothing he can hear but incoherent noise.

Unlike everything else, however, his thoughts are deafening when all is silent.

It eats him up from the inside out, evades his mind and taints his blood with worry until he’s bleeding dread. Hiding his feelings is hard enough as it is when his walls are constantly growing weaker, but it’s even harder now, when tingles travel up and down his spine and he feels as if he’s just been shocked whenever his fingers touch something.

“This is nice, isn’t it?”

Jaemin used to think everything was more beautiful when it was peaceful.

And maybe it’s true—your smile is delicate and warm and so infectious a tender feeling bursts in his stomach and stutters his heart. Your skin is soft to the touch and it bothers him so much he refrains from making contact, and places his hands on your waist. Although it does nothing to stop the fact that he feels like he might explode right then and there.

He doesn’t think things were better when he hated you. But sometimes he misses it, because hatred is easier to deal with whatever he’s feeling right now.

Tolerance is not the right word, he realized this a long time ago. Love is too strong.

He flinches at the thought of it. He doesn’t love you, not at all, because he’s sure it’s not possible to even fall that badly in a little over a week. Jaemin refuses to be another student at school, infatuated with you and your charms and something that doesn’t exist, because you are not the perfect person everyone thinks you are. You’re rough around the edges, eat your cereal dry with drink milk on the side and your real smile is a little crooked. You laugh too much and think everything is funny and you lied to him last week when you said you’re terrible at dancing because you’re practically showing him up.

He doesn’t mind it.

“Yeah,” he whispers as his feet and yours lazily move across the dance floor. “It’s nice.”

Jaemin doesn’t love you, he doesn’t even know how it feels. But he thinks this comes close.

viii. ROCKY ROAD

It’s an art, avoiding you like his life depends on it.

Straying from his problems is harder than Jaemin thought, seeing as you’re literally everywhere. The seat beside him in English is now permanently yours since Mr Winston thinks the switching of seats has something to do with your grade going up—whatever that means. Jaemin literally helped you with an essay once—and sometimes during lunch period, your friend group and his find themselves out on the field. Renjun and Jeno have agreed to help Chaewon with the final details of the banner for the homecoming game, and Yangyang and Donghyuck have more inside jokes than Jaemin has with all of his friends combined.

This would be ideal, if he wasn’t having an existential crisis.

He’s become more aware of the racket his heart makes against his ribcage whenever you turn to glance at him—something he was sure never happened before the wedding, but maybe his senses have heightened, because he’s beginning to notice things. Terrifying little things that he used to turn a blind eye to but now can’t seem to shake.

A hand lands on his forearm. His heartbeat pitter patters with the raindrops on the window.

“Hey, dude,” Yangyang says, clutching onto Jaemin’s shoulder while he tries to catch his breath. “Y/N’s looking all over for you.”

“Right,” Jaemin murmurs awkwardly. “I’m busy right now.”

Yangyang glances up, confused, before it quickly fades into judgement. “Are you avoiding them?”

“Uh,” Jaemin stammers, which does nothing to get Yangyang off his back. He doesn’t remember being so bad at improvising, but he supposes he’s only a good actor when there’s lines to memorize. “Yes. Kind of.”

Yangyang blinks. “Why?”

Jaemin clears his throat, glancing over Yangyang’s shoulder in hopes to find something that’ll take him out of this situation, only to see the HOMECOMING TICKETS ON SALE posters that occupy almost every free space on the wall.

“I’m—” Jaemin pauses, a fleeting second that Yangyang would’ve noticed if he wasn’t moving to lean against the wall. “I’m trying to find a way to ask them to homecoming.”

Yangyang frowns, and for a moment, Jaemin thinks it’s because he sees through the lie. He panics, tries to search for excuses and ways to describe the unexplainable emotions he’s been feeling lately, when Yangyang just asks, “You still haven’t asked them? Homecoming’s in three days.”

Relief floods Jaemin but he’s careful not to let it show. “Better late than never.”

“You’re stupid,” Yangyang says, not unkindly. “It better be big. They seem like the type of person to like that kind of stuff.”

Jaemin nods, agreeing, before it suddenly hits him that now he has to come up with a cheesy homecoming dance proposal otherwise Yangyang will realize his friend’s just lied to him.

Fucking fantastic.

ix. SWEDISH FALLS

Yangyang is terrible at keeping secrets.

One of my only flaws, he tells you, right before he flashes you the happiest grin you’ve ever seen in your entire life and says that Jaemin’s going to give you the best homecoming ask in the history of homecoming asks. A very big feat, considering Rue’s flash mob proposal last week seems unbeatable—in fact, it is. She even got Donghyuck to join in despite their differences. He insists he’s just a sucker for true love and that he doesn’t care if Rue and her date end up having a catastrophic night, but you’re pretty sure you saw him shed a few tears when Rue’s date said yes.

Everyone your age treats these things as if they’re actual proposals. Which is why you’re so excited you can barely conceal it.

It’s almost pathetic how high your hopes are. You’re fidgety with excitement and you overhear Donghyuck mention to Chaewon that this is the most he’s seen you smile since you won a cheerleading competition last summer. He doesn’t know how the idea of being asked to homecoming has you on the balls of your feet.

Frankly, you don’t know either.

Maybe the idea of being asked isn’t what sprouts the excitement, but the person who’s asking. The last few dances you’ve gone with friends, most of the time Donghyuck, since he’s not a big fan of the attention that comes with public asks—which is odd, considering his love for theatrics, but you’ve come to the conclusion it’s just because he doesn’t want to put too much time into something he thinks is so trivial—and this is your first time being asked. Properly asked is how your teammates would put it.

You feel like the cheesy cheerleader in teen movies when you’re thrilled about these types of things; actions only high schoolers would trip over themselves to experience, before they’re forced into the world outside of hall passes and football game after-parties that only consist of fruit punch because people were afraid to take something from their parents’ liquor cabinet. The anticipation for an ask is something you’re sure Jaemin would make fun of you of, so it warms your heart a little that he’s doing this—

For you. You cut yourself off before you get too ahead of yourself.

This relationship is fake. Sometimes you forget.

You wait for Jaemin’s big ask.

You wait.

Until the dance is tomorrow and the most you’ve heard from him is a text, telling you he’ll be late to the game.

“Nervous?” Jeno pulls you out of your thoughts, clad in his football gear and trying to keep the smile on his face stable.

You send him a smile, reassuring. “I think I should be asking you that.”

“I feel like my heart might beat out of my chest.”

“I know,” your laugh is tarnished, sounding nothing like it usually does because of your nerves being sent into overdrive. Big games like these are always stressful, and sometimes you’re more nervous than the people playing despite that your only role in the game is cheering on the sidelines. “Just stretch it out. It works for me.”

Jeno’s smile grows teasing. “Doesn’t look like it does.”

“Shut up,” you say with no venom. “I don’t know where Jaemin is. He said he was going to be late, but I haven’t seen him in three days—”

“Yangyang told me about the ask,” Jeno interrupts smoothly. The mention of it has you hugging your torso. “Knowing Jaemin, he’s probably been planning all of it out. He’ll come and surprise you at the end of the game, I’m sure of it.” Then after a beat, he adds, “Don’t worry.”

His statement barely soothes you. “If he asks me through the megaphone I’m gonna kill him.”

“I thought you wanted something big and dramatic?”

“Well, yeah,” you huff. “But I wanna see his face when I say yes.”

Jeno is silent for a moment before he shakes his head in disbelief. “Donghyuck was right,” he mutters to himself. “You’re too far gone.”

“What?”

“You’re literally in love with Jaemin.”

You scowl, hugging yourself tighter and trying your best not to react to the word. All Jeno’s doing is trying to get a rise out of you, and if you stay here, he’ll succeed.

“Good luck, Jeno.”

He grins as you turn to walk to the field. “You didn’t deny it!”

When you reach the bench in front of the stands, Chaeryeong reaches over to squeeze your arm, smiling so big that you think her cheeks might start hurting. The rest of your team has scattered on the field stretching, with the exception of a few running towards the bleachers to talk to their friends before Coach blows her whistle and orders everyone to start warming up. You tug on your sweater, scanning the bleachers for a familiar face while Chaeryeong starts talking—unaware that she lacks your attention—before you sigh.

Jaemin isn’t here yet.

Your phone sits in the locker room, zipped away into the smallest pocket of your duffel bag. You think you’re quick enough to run up the steps and ask Renjun to call Jaemin and make it back down in time before Coach calls for everyone to come in. But just as you’re about to tell Chaeryeong you’ll be back in a moment, the familiar sound of a deafening whistle rings in your ears and you’re forced to walk towards the sound.

You huff, disappointed, but plant the biggest smile you can muster before Coach murmurs about the furrow in between your eyebrows. Everyone clings to each other with elation, the adrenaline already beginning to pump in their veins. The crowds roar, and you start to hear the opponent’s school starting to cheer.

After Coach finishes her short speech, she turns to you, wanting to hear a few words from the head cheerleader before everyone starts warming up. You exhale, deciding to shake off the disappointment that came with Jaemin’s absence, and try your best not to look upset, just in case you unintentionally bring the mood down. Right now, all that matters is the homecoming game. And then after this, you can worry about the ask.

You almost forget about him when the players come rushing onto the field. When the game starts, you automatically find yourself so absorbed in the ball hurtling through the air and the players racing across the field, you forget the reason why you woke up nervous today. The game is close—there’s frustration, and so much shouting it becomes indecipherable no matter how loud it gets, and everyone only gets louder when Jeno scores the winning touchdown.

Your throat is raw, sore from screaming. You never realized you were so loud until Chaewon comes rushing down the steps and envelopes you in a hug, knocking the air out of your lungs.

The impact must be what knocks your previous worries back into your head because you swivel around to face the stands while Chaewon’s squeezing the life out of you, her familiar laugh in your ear. You catch a glimpse of Donghyuck walking down with Renjun and Yangyang, and you search the spot you saw them sitting in before, hoping to place Jaemin and a cheesy HOMECOMING? poster in his hands.

But the crowd’s attention has not been diverted from your school’s victory, and you let Chaewon turn you so she can drag you to the rest of the celebrating cheerleaders. You look up, hoping the speakers will soon blast Jaemin’s voice for everyone to hear, but nothing comes. You convince yourself that he probably left to go get some food and missed the end of the game and is hurrying to get to the field, but after ten minutes of jumping around until your feet are sore, you realize you’re wrong.

He didn’t come.

“After-party!” Donghyuck shouts, voice booming and enthusiastic, eliciting an eager response from everyone around him. Then he turns to you, grinning. “Jaehyun’s hosting it at his house. Are you riding with us or is Jaemin going to drop you off?”

At the sound of his name, you glance over your shoulder, hope fills your chest only for it to be squashed once again. The bleachers are almost empty. Noticing the lost look in your eyes, Donghyuck falters, hoping to God that Jaemin hasn’t completely ditched you on one of your favourite nights of the year.

Donghyuck sighs, but it’s unheard. “Renjun told me he had a shift.”

You turn, eyes wide, almost forgetting Donghyuck’s standing right next to you. “Right, I was supposed to meet him there after the game. I forgot.”

He doesn’t believe you. You know he doesn’t believe you. Because Donghyuck doesn’t retort something to poke fun at your forgetfulness, nor does he roll his eyes. Instead there’s pity. It’s a look you don’t like; your heart sinks at the sight of it and makes you feel like you’ve been pulled down to rock bottom.

In a sea of euphoria, two people stand out. You, because your dismay is too hard to hide, and Donghyuck, because he knows that, whether you go to the party or to the ice cream parlour, your night won’t end with triumph on your mind.

I told you so is on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he says, “Go. I’ll tell Chaewon you were tired.”

You smile at him, and then you turn to run.

x. BLUE MOON

He knows he fucked up.

Truthfully, he did have a homecoming proposal halfway planned out—knowing you, you still would’ve loved it—but he gave up, because the idea of going to the homecoming dance with you felt weird. You’re unfamiliar. Ever since your arrangement, Jaemin’s realized you point things out he’s never noticed before. You break his routine. You break him.

He was going to go to the game. He had a shift he couldn’t get out of and he told both you and Renjun that he was going to be late.

Admittedly, it looks bad, given the fact that he’s been avoiding you for a while in an attempt to sort out his feelings (to no avail), and it makes him feel even worse when you walk into the parlour, three minutes until closing, in a zip-up hoodie and the key ring holding your car keys dangling from your finger.

He carefully puts the ice cream scooper on the counter.

“You didn’t come.”

He has no excuse. “I’m sorry.”

It’s clear you’re waiting for him to continue, with the way you cross your arms over your chest and patiently tap your foot. When the sound of the clock ticking becomes too unbearable, a flicker of annoyance appears on your face. “What, that’s it?”

“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

You click your tongue. “There’s an after-party.”

The invitation is silent but it’s there. “I have to close,” he says, trying his best to feign his disdain for it, but you only stare at him blankly. “You go ahead. We close in, like, a minute, and you don’t want to stay—”

You cut him off. “Is Yangyang a liar?”

This throws him off guard. “Sorry?”

“He said you were asking me to homecoming,” you drawl, glancing around the empty parlour before you meet his eyes again. “He said it was going to be this big thing. So did he lie or what?”

Jaemin’s voice makes him feel small. “He didn’t.”

“Homecoming’s tomorrow, Jaemin.”

“I know.”

“So are we going together or not?”

The snappiness of your tone sends Jaemin into defensive mode, and he reaches over to untie his apron and turns to put the scoop in its rightful place. While his eyes are off yours, he says, “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal about this.”

This causes you to halt. He’s right—you and Jaemin aren’t real, so why should he ask you to homecoming?

In fact—why are you two still pretending to date in the first place? You’ve held up your end of the bargain and so has he. The only thing left is for him to tell you why he hated you so much in the first place.

“I don’t think you understand what it feels like to lose.”

You falter, eyes shining with confusion. “Sorry?”

Jaemin pinches his nose. “When you won class president,” he exhales, throwing his apron onto the counter, “I was mad because I deserved it. I deserved something and you took it. And I was so close to winning and you just—”

“That’s not my fault.”

“I know,” he sighs. “I was just mad at you for so long that I didn’t know what it would feel like if I didn’t.”

You’re silent for God knows how long. Jaemin slowly starts to feel his heartbeat quicken after each second the clock ticks.

“Okay,” you say eventually. “That doesn’t answer the question. Are we going to homecoming together or not?”

Jaemin wonders sometimes, late at night, about what he’s feeling. He knows for sure that his palms shouldn’t be sweaty at the sight of you, and he shouldn’t be worrying if you can hear his heartbeat battering against his ribcage. He isn’t supposed to feel this for someone he’s fake dating.

Feeling like this for someone he’s in his first relationship with is a completely different story.

“It does answer the question,” he says, schooling his expression so his face is blank. “We’re not.”

Clearly that’s not the answer you’re expecting because you straighten, your arms falling to your side. “What?”

“I don’t want to go to the dance.”

You pull your bottom lip in between your teeth. “You don’t want to go…” your eyes search his, and he’s not entirely sure what you’re looking for. “With me?”

“What? No, of course not,” he says quickly, shaking his head vigorously. “No, homecoming’s just not my thing.”

You purse your lips. “Jaemin.”

Despite the impatience etched into the lines of your face, Jaemin knows that you’ll spend all night here waiting for his answer if you have to. And maybe you’ll go if Jaemin begs you to, if he says something that clenches your gut and pierces your soul, but he can’t bring himself to. He doesn’t want to hurt you. He doesn’t want you to leave.

The thought hits him like a truck. He doesn’t want you to leave.

“You’re missing the after-party.”

“I’d rather be with you anyway.”

God, fuck you.

He misses the smirk slowly forming on your face when you see the crimson climbing up his neck, the way he starts to fidget with the collar of his shirt, and you almost forget he missed the homecoming game in the first place.

You didn’t lie, though, about wanting to be with him instead. There’s a reason you were looking for his face in the crowd.

When he starts to feel like he’s suffocating, Jaemin’s hands squeeze the counter before he exhales, embarrassed, “I’m scared.”

You frown and he thinks you’re moving closer but he’s too dizzy from his own thoughts to notice. “Of what?”

“This is all fake,” he tries to exclaim, except it comes out softer than he intended and a little less dramatic. “And I don’t—I’ve never dated anybody before, okay? Technically this is my first relationship, and— did you know Jeno and Yangyang have been asking if we’ve kissed yet? I don’t want my first kiss to be fake, I don’t want to attend my first homecoming dance because I didn’t want to let the person I’m fake-dating down—” he stops himself before he can ramble more and make a bigger fool of himself. “I don’t want it to be fake.”

Your response is quick, without hesitation, and when he looks up in surprise, there’s no sign of regret on your face no matter how long Jaemin tries to find it. “Then it won’t be fake.”

“Excuse me?”

“I can be your actual date to homecoming,” you offer, smiling sheepishly, and the butterflies in his stomach go wild. “And I guess we could kiss too and that wouldn’t have to be fake, either.”

“I don’t have a suit.”

“You wore one to the wedding.”

“I know, I just wanted to say something so you wouldn’t think I’m ignoring your offer, I’m just trying to wrap my head around all this,” he makes a small twirling gesture with his finger before his hands drop from the counter. “We’ll go to homecoming?”

“Yeah, why not?”

“And you’ll kiss me?”

“Sure,” you shrug, feigning nonchalance, even though you’re avoiding all possible eye contact and wringing your fingers together. “Just not now, I’m still mad at you for missing the game and having a shitty homecoming proposal. Fuck you, by the way. I was all excited about it for nothing.”

Jaemin feels a smile tugging at his lips. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“Good,” you huff, before meeting his gaze. Almost immediately, you break into a smile. “So do you really have to close or was that a lie?”

He groans, remembering he promised Doyoung he’ll do it tonight in hopes of ignoring you until tomorrow. “I didn’t lie,” he grumbles. “I promised my manager—it won’t take long, I promise.”

You shrug and drop into the nearest booth. “No problem, I’ll keep you company.”

Jaemin pouts childishly. “This is terrible.”

“You poor thing.”

“Kiss me to make me feel better?”

You snort. Jaemin wonders if your cheeks will start hurting considering how big your smile is. “Nice try.”

xi. HONEY LAVENDER

“Stop laughing.”

“N—shit, okay.”

“Y/N.”

“I’m trying! Look, I’m not even—fuck, you look so stupid—!”

“Y/N!” Jaemin whines, tugging at the collar of his shirt. “I look stupid because of you—stop giggling, my parents are going to kill me—this suit is ruined.”

He’s supposed to be mad at you, but it’s hard when you’re dabbing a tissue helplessly on his shirt, the sound of your laughter echoing down the empty hallway and drowning out the sound of the booming music from the gym. “It’s not my fault you spilled punch on yourself.”

He huffs. “It is, actually, unless you forgot that you scared the shit out of me.”

You laugh loudly again, arms growing weak and it falls against his chest. “I’ve never heard you scream so loud before.”

“Please shut up.”

This goes on for two more minutes before you eventually give up and stand, telling him that nobody will even notice the big red stain on the front of his shirt because of the lights. He scowls lightheartedly before he falls into step with you as you both make your way back to the gymnasium.

“God,” you huff, and Jaemin isn’t sure if you’re talking to him or yourself. “My arms are all wet from trying to remove that stain.”

Jaemin is about to retort, saying it’s not his fault you rested your limbs against him because you were dying from laughter, before he stops in his tracks. You don’t notice, too absorbed in rubbing the tattered tissue on your skin in hopes the liquid will go away before your arms become sticky.

“Y/N,” he calls for you, smiling mischievously. You spin around to look at him, eyebrows furrowed. “You owe me for ruining this suit.”

“Okay,” you shrug. “What do you want? A pack of gum? We can stop by 7-11 on our way home.”

“Give me a hug.”

Your eyes narrow, startled by his statement, but you walk two steps towards him before you realize what he’s doing. He grabs your arms before you can turn away.

“Jaemin—mmph!” you exclaim, wriggling as he wraps his arms around you and squeezes you against his chest. “You prick, you’re going to stain my clothes, too! Oh, you’re so fucked, I swear to God—”

You grow quiet when he starts to laugh in your ear—albeit a little evilly, but it’s melodic nonetheless—and you relax, moving so you can wrap your arms around his middle. You aren’t sure if he’s surprised. You swear, for a moment, he stiffens, before the tension leaves his shoulders.

He pulls away, examining your outfit before saying, “You still look great.”

You roll your eyes. “I’ll get you back for that.”

“Hm,” he muses, throwing his arms over your shoulder. “Technically, that was me getting back at you for ruining my suit, so we’re even.”

The both of you near the doors to the gymnasium when he glances at you. He thinks all the air in his lungs disappears because you’re pretty when the faint red lights hit your face and your lips part as you peer through the small window in the door. His face softens and a smile he isn’t conscious of appears on his face—gentle and lovesick.

The door swings open, almost hitting you and Jaemin.

“Gross,” Yangyang says the moment he steps one foot out the door. Behind him, Renjun is sending the both of you an apologetic look. “God, I owe Donghyuck ten bucks now.”

You stiffen at the mention of your friend. “What did you bet on?”

“You guys disappeared,” Yangyang sighs frustratedly. “I said you two were probably making out somewhere. He said you guys were staring into each other’s eyes because Y/N is too chicken to make the first move.”

Jaemin swears your eyes might pop out of your sockets. “That bitch—”

Yangyang throws his arms up in the air as he moves to walk back inside. “I don’t even have ten dollars on me!”

Renjun pinches his nose. “I’m sorry.”

Amusement bubbles in Jaemin’s stomach when you slip from his grasp and stomp into the gymnasium. He follows after you as you make your way to the food table. “Don’t tell me you’re going to pour punch on him, too.”

You glance over your shoulder at him, grinning. “Aw, you know me so well.”

He scoffs breathlessly and lets you tug at his fingertips, trying to convince him to help you get revenge on Donghyuck. You add something about Yangyang, too, in hopes that will get Jaemin on your side, but he’s too busy admiring how your hand fits in his and how pretty the left side of your face looks—

“Stop staring at me.”

Jaemin sputters. “Sorry?”

“Stop being obsessed with me,” you murmur, eyes zeroed in on the table ahead. “And help me with my revenge plan.”

“I’m not obsessed with you!”

“Okay. In love with me, then.”

“You are so up your own ass.”

The smile you give him is blinding.

★ author’s note: tbh i wanted to add more angst (originally i was gonna have jaemin be like yeah... i lied i always hated you) but i wanted jaemin and reader to break each other’s hearts because.... cmon.. they’re so cute,, i hope u guys liked this tho this was rlly fun to write

★ tags: @lanadreamie​ @sunflowerhae​ @juyeo-on​ @t-toodumbtocare​ @hyuckiesoftie​ @choerriesmotion​ @aliceinwhateverland​

couldn’t tag: @sungchannel @zhong-lele

© all rights reserved dkfile, 2021.

[ourpickwickclub]

Zane was definitely talking about Jimmy lovine. Blake visited Apple headquarters right before God’s Country dropped. He took a picture with Rob Thomas that day and Rob mentioned that he bumped into Blake at Apple Music offices. Blake clearly had a meeting with Jimmy and Zane and probably other Apple Music executives and probably discussed promotion for God’s Country. I remember thinking that GC was insanely well promoted through streaming playlists and was really happy about it. Apple even ended up making a Memoji of Blake singing God’s Country to promote the song. I’m confident that this is the meeting Zane was talking about when he heard GC for the first time.

Wow! You have an awesome memory! Thank you!

-L

[loadbranding637]

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[srbachchan]

DAY 4424(i)

Jalsa, Mumbai                     Apr 17/18,  2020                 Fri/Sat 12:10 AM

Birthday  EF - Jonoon Alhob ..  Ninad Junnarkar ..  Manoj Lahoti .. Saturday, April 18 .. birthday greetings to you all and may the Almighty keep you all safe and healthy .. love from the Ef ...

There is much to be learnt in this world of technology  .. and the presence of grand daughter about , is such a blessing .. each moment there is a simple problem with me and she comes about nonchalantly and fixes it , with an expression that says ‘how on earth can you not get this’ ? 

But before all else my gratitude to Jonoon Alhob for the extraordinary video she made on our 12th anniversary .. that’s another learning that I shall have to take lessons for .. that and the special memoji’s that have abounded suddenly, from over the seas in most descriptive manner from Shameera .. and now she is going to get flooded with requests from all the Ef on its manufacture ..🤣🙏 ..

apologies Shams for this mention .. 

.. the process of ‘working from home’ bears fruit each day .. and when the day arrives, for arrive it will, when the doors shall open .. there could be hesitant indulgence on whether to step out or not .. cage an animal for years and years and years , and then suddenly one day just open the doors and see its reaction .. it looks out the door, takes a hesitant step out .. glances up at it keeper with that puzzled expression .. 

“ what .. you mean I can actually leave .. seriously ?”

.. we are in the same syndrome .. all of us .. most of the initiation has already begun .. wire it , cut the paper work , draft it and mail , ConCall it na .. ya ya he’ll be at home - no one’s stepping out .. etc., etc., etc...  

.. time to depart .. and again the love and the gratitude for these delightful 12 years .. !!

Amitabh Bachchan

[regentcorpse]

Added after I wrote this, I know my grammar is a mess in this. This post is 2223 words, longer than most high school essays which averaged 1500 words. If you don’t want to read all of this it has been separated into paragraphs and most of the conversation points are in the last three paragraphs. This sentence was added in after word count, the original post was on Facebook which is why the link in this does point to my own blog: My sentence structures are not correct, and this is Facebook and I don’t give a crap about that here. I did try to do my best to make it somewhat understandable with several ideas and conversations all in this. Also I didn’t originally separate it into paragraphs. If a sentence seems out of place at the start or end of a paragraph, my bad. But please read, comment opinions, not angry but constructive to build a conversation. I also don’t know how but this became more like an info blog post, but valid points and openings for conversations are made.

These newish Apple features like the Memoji, like it’s aight but still lacking in so many hair styles and facial depth, forehead, chins, and noses. Hopefully the will add a lot more features to be able to make it more like you, in a cartoon version. I’m about to check out the full bitmoji app to see what all they have, but I feel like apple should of used bitmoji, and since Apple has a version, I know android does. How is their version in your experience? (Please reply even if you don’t know me, I want to have decent conversations with people, but I hardly have anyone to talk to about random stuff like this.) Also the fact that Apple has Memoji in their database of words and not Bitmoji, is extremely weird, and pointless not to have it.

I don’t know how I feel overall about Apples decisions on these updates. They seem to be trying to almost build a legit social media around their platforms, I wouldn’t be surprised if they make something like Google+, which will most likely fail all together as a product, not because it will be awful but because we already have the social media giants that control most people’s lives, work, and reputation.

Facebook is for memes mostly and socializing with like minded people with their pages and groups. Not to mention that so many people use their marketplace now as well, which did shock me that it took of with other apps offering the same thing before Facebook did. To those who didn’t know, yes, Facebook stole that idea from OfferUp and LetGo(I think there was another around before the marketplace.)

You have Snapchat, the goofy fun social media where you can have personalized stories, private or public, and I may be wrong but they are also the ones that introduced the idea(maybe didn’t originally have the idea, but did introduce it, I think. Let me know if I am wrong please, I would like to know.) Next, the thing that made Snapchat big originally was the disappearing pictures after 10 seconds, which you couldn’t edit when the app first came out, the initial release didn’t even have filters or all the extra stuff they have now, it was so basic and simple and blew up. Another thing that made Snapchat big in the same way, disappearing photos meant disappearing nudes for both male and female, only that at first they could be screenshots, that didn’t notify you. In a future version, they disabled screenshoting photos from the default system buttons, but of course people found ways and made apps to get around it. Snapchat then started to block accounts for using those apps, then came the solution of notifying users of screenshots and then recordings when Apple released that feature. I know Snapchat probably wasn’t the first to make the goofy photo filters, but they did make it so much easier and almost more advanced with their simple facial mapping(yes it is simple since it’s meant to work with phones without facial recognition and all the other fancy face features.). Now Snapchat is a place to socialize in groups, or privately with friends through photos, messages, and video. Another big use now is the porn industry, where I think it’s safe to say only females succeed at making a lot of money with. It also seems to avoid spam bots and stuff. I’ve never received anything from a fake user or bot, besides their built in Snapchat bot, so that is honestly impressive and I applaud them for trying to keep it safe and friendly, except for the usual douchebag guys that send dick picks and stalk girls no matter their age. Danger lurks at all corners of the internet, and making friends is easier now, and just an add and a message away sometimes. But be careful who you add and honestly block anyone who harasses you or sends you unwanted images. And report them, help improve internet society and safety. This goes for all social media platforms.

Instagram is built solely around the personal sharing of photos to a feed and nothing else really. I know everyone was shocked that it became as big as it did, considering you can do the same thing in Facebook, and easily share other peoples photos to your friends. Although it is just photos, the people on there that are successful, actually do influence people and promote sponsors and their products. Some use it to get money, for their more explicit content. It followed Snapchat in adding stories, then filters, and has been successful in its endeavors. You can find everything legal on their as well as some illegal content such as drug use. As mentioned above, yes bots and fake accounts exist, be weary in who you talk to and exchange messages and photos with on here as well.

Twitter has been around for a long time and honestly, I see it being the first to die, due to overall lack of community and now with all the user interface updates and whatnot, it can be difficult to understand how the social environment of it works. Basically you get I think 140 characters to insert into the status prompt or whatever you/they want to call it. I personally don’t use it much, I get on there to see any updates from game companies and some of my favorite authors and music artists. I do this maybe once a week or two. I honestly don’t understand the point in twitter nor how getting followers and conversations started on there, if you have any suggestions for me please let me know if you are still somehow reading this.

Tumblr, ye olde blogging platform, one of the best until the pornography bam that yahoo added once their app was removed from the Apple store after I think being reported for child pornography. A lot of people lost their blogs and thousands of followers and countless hours of work. Many others had a lot of their content censored by a community guidelines photo or by being completely removed. So yes we can all agree that it’s a good thing they are trying to do what they can to combat child pornography of Tumblr, but a lot of people saw this as a complete change of environment for tumblr, whether being used for art, music, porn, pizza, cats etc.. Another big complaint that caused this change is how easy it was to lie about your age and turn off the content filter that got rid of the majority of inappropriate content. It was literally just a search option, then they tried moving it to your phone settings to the app setting in there to turn it off, which was still too easy. I can say you will still see pornographic content on Tumblr, mostly by accident, but there are people still posting getting around their image search algorithms. Past that to summarize, it’s basically a bigger version of Twitter, allowing for blog posts of most media types now, they have a reblog button to repost on your own page(these also get their own sub domains where it follows such as mine regentcorpse.tumblr.com. This is not for promotion, just an easy example(it’s a new blog with only like one blog post, but yes is my personal blog.) You can use your own domain if you own the address and route it to tumblrs name-servers, which most domain hosts have guides available to help you understand the process and set it up. They follow Wordpress in allowing themes which are only visible in a web browser and not the Tumblr mobile app, but on mobile you can edit the color scheme and fonts to what they have stock. To be like twitter with the features of Wordpress except custom plugins, it is a phenomenal platform still where you can truly be yourself and no one actually has to know who you are, you just post the content you love, the content you create(except for the porn content that a lot of people now went to Snapchat and Twitter for, and probably some private instagrams). You can find almost everything you heart desires within lawful reasons, I mean honestly you could probably find someone to buy illegal stuff from like guns, drugs, etc but I’ve never looked for that type of stuff on there. I love cyberpunk culture and there are so much content around it on tumblr. It also has pretty decent privacy setting for a blog, which can be password locked I believe and you can set permissions for it to be only people you follow or follow you, or no one or everyone can message you, ask questions(which can be anonymous), and submit content to your blog(also can be anonymous). The tumblr community can be toxic but also so helpful and beautiful seeing some of the ways people come together on there. It can range from legit bugs to books and quotes to programming and even professional use.

There is also LinkedIn, which is a very professional platform where you can add your professional resume and skills and may get recruited to jobs. I remember something like this tried to launch on Facebook but I do believe it failed out, as I haven’t seen anything about it or a link since they probably removed it.

So this leads me to ask What would an Apple Social Media Platform consist of? How would they try to outdo the others, and how would they make it appealing enough for people to use/switch to. Yes Apple is a big name, but so was google which failed at social media. They had good ideas but went about it completely wrong.

I feel like Apple would attempt to make a platform around creativity and art of all types. I feel like it would be a platform that would combine GarageBand, IMessages, Memoji, and all their other great apps into one. If they added collaboration on projects a lot easier in that aspect, and didn’t force themselves into everyone(Yes, Google that’s a shot at you.), they could make a truly great platform where we could see great things made by groups, communities, artists, and I could see them adding some sort of collaboration for web developers and programmers, which I would like to see knowing that Facebook, the corporation not social network, owns Oculus, and they already have a lot of resources for developers. Do you think Apple might be working on a social media platform, or do you think they will just keep adding out of place features? Do you think they would succeed in it or absolutely fail? Do you think Apple would stand a chance against the other giants that have been around and built up their user base? Also another issue is how exclusive Apple is with everything, just the fact you can log into Apple TV and watch it on a Windows Pc is a miracle. Do you think Apple will make it exclusive or would they put in the effort of being their media platform to everyone no matter their device? Remember everyone had a MySpace, now you never even hear about it, Facebook was a surprising switch with it having limited functionality and basically no customization options for your profile like MySpace and some other media’s had.

I want to hear your thoughts, opinions, and speculations about this, let’s start an open and friendly conversation, no hate or trolls, I don’t want all of that and your comments will be deleted and I may even block you from seeing posts like this on your feed and my page. This is at an end because my thumbs are tired and my phones dying and Facebook is lagging from how much I just put on here, but seriously comment, let me know what’s running in your mind, even what you would like to see change in social media in general or even in specific ones. I hope you all do open a nice and positive and informative conversation, I want to see that on Facebook more and I want to make friends I can talk about this type of stuff with in depth or even as broad as mostly common knowledge.

[oliversmartphonenerd-blog]

The eternal iOS vs Android debate

So, hello everyone. Since this is my first entry as a tumblr user, maybe not too many people will read this but that won’t keep me to tell you a little story of my personal experience with smartphones and what I think is the better platform of the two mentioned in the title. My very first smartphone (let’s only start counting from the time when smartphones actually WERE smart, with easily downloadable apps and whatnot) was an iPhone 4. Got it off contract and a plan separately to keep monthly rates as low as possible. I stayed with Apple for several years, even built the entire infrastructure around my iPhone with a Mac, an iPad, an Apple TV and even an AirPort Extreme. Then came the time when I got bored with my phone and mostly its tiny screen. Actually I just got the iPhone 5S right after release and I loved Touch ID, the color (got the golden version) etc. But many friends of mine had Android phones that were oftentimes significantly larger. So in order to get a much larger phone I switched to Android and stayed there. From Kitkat all the way to Android Pie, from Samsung over Motorola to Huawei, I got quite a few models and I was very happy with most (except for the Moto X Style which has a different name in the US, that was a piece of junk!). My last Android phone which I’ve only had for about four months now was the Huawei P30 Pro. Amazingly versatile camera, brilliant low light performance, beautiful colors (on the back of the device I mean), humongous battery life and all, I love it. But I decided to switch back to Apple now. I picked the often criticized iPhone Xr for numerous reasons: It’s cheaper than the regular model, it got a better battery life and it comes in cool colors. Of course, coming from a phone of almost 6.5″, 8 GB of RAM, a quadruple camera and a battery of over 4000 milliamps I thought I might regret the potential downgrade. You know what? So far I can’t say that I do. The yellow (in which I got the iPhone) is beautiful, the screen is nowhere near as bad as people say (even though understandably it could still have a higher resolution at this price point). In fact it’s even quite good. The camera isn’t good for zoom like the 5x optical of the P30 Pro, also not very good for macro or night shots. But the HDR is way nicer and portrait works almost as good. Something else I’ve always loved about Apple was the attention to detail. The effects implemented in iMessage, Animoji with the cool MeMoji that you can make of yourself, all that is so very well done. Especially the face tracking of the latter works so well it puts everything else (sorry Samsung with your creepy avatars) in the shadow.

Now, since this is supposed to be a differenciated evaluation rather than an iPhone Xr review I’d like to get back to the differences. See, both Android and iOS come with their very own qualities and faults. What’s better for you simply depends on what you need and what you want. You want great ways to personalize your phone in both the way it works and looks? Android is for you. You want as much variety as possible when you want to get a new phone? Android has tons of phones it’s running on, from cheap to very pricey.  Since there are so many different companies, they all try to make their flagships unique. So you can expect all of them to have specifications that you won’t find in most other handsets. Of course with iOS, you’re stuck with Apple’s iPhones. Do you appreciate consistency throughout the entire UI and across all apps? Sounds like you might appreciate iOS (believe me, when every other app seems to have their own set of emoji, it looks very much like patchwork on Android). Both software and hardware are made from the same company so it’s exceptionally well balanced. For a phone that doesn’t have anywhere near as much RAM as some flagship android devices, it’s still pretty damn fast. Even the Xr is quite snappy. The UI is not very flexible but that might also help making it very simple and easy to understand. The flat design is very well executed, especially with the silky glass effects in different menus etc. But I also love Google’s material design to death. It’s really hard to say if I have a clear favorite here.

When it comes to the gimmicks and playful features or animations, as I’ve mentiones that hardly compares to anything else on the market. 

One thing one has to keep in mind as well is the support of third party developers. Of course it’s self-explanatory that if you develop a mobile game, you’re more prone to start with iOS as your platform. You don’t have to pay attention to too many different configurations of chipsets and other hardware such as different screen resolutions and aspect ratios. So it’s less work for you to focus on iOS with just the iPhone and maybe the iPad. That was also one of the reasons I wanted to switch back to iOS. I’m highly anticipating the game Oceanhorn 2, which will come out as an iOS exclusive in the beginning. You will notice that with several apps.

Yet another reason was that I’m planning to get an Apple Watch. In comparison, I can’t say I dislike Android Wear but you can tell it’s struggling. Google seems to be not too interested in it. The watch I had kept disconnecting which was a big pain in the butt. It was oftentimes just annoying that I had to get into the Wear App on the phone, restart the watch and reconnect the whole thing. When I tried the Apple Watches of friends of mine, I found the user experience to be of a higher quality.

But lastly, the only real but CLEAR advantage of iOS over Android is the iPad. I mean, even though there might be high quality Android tablets on the market (and still coming up). But they will always have that one particular and crucial flaw: The app support. Apple takes great pride in the quality of their iPad apps on the App Store. They make sure that developers utilize the best APIs for the platform. Android tablet apps are usually inferior as they are only inflated Android phone apps that poorly make use of the screen’s larger real estate. So yeah, my conclusion is that as far as I can tell, wether iOS or Android is better merely depends on your needs and personal taste. With the exception of the iPad which is in my opinion the clear winner over any Android tablet on the market (since even Google refrained from making their own tablets because they realized their position). I’d like to know your point of view on this subject. So feel free to leave comments. Best regards, Oliver