#meme || i'd rather be blind

[shiroi---kumo]

I'd rather be blind || Accepting

blindfolded and listening : Is it strange to you how Herba knew a Misterican system so intricately, how everything she gave you in those teacups seemed to work quite well even though they were unfamiliar to you at the time?

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ His breath is hitching in his throat as the wind blows and he listens. The sound of a voice within asking him a question that sets his mind ablaze. Bringing up parts of his past that no one outside of that damnable castle should know. Those teacups.

Those damnable tea cups and how he hates the taste of anything even remotely floral now. How the smell of perfume makes him nauseous and it sets his mind to alarm. How did she - how did she know?

WHY?

Why DID it work?!

It shouldn't of. She didn't know anything about his people and she had only ever encountered ....

He wants to throw up. He never saw his body fade. He never actually saw him die... what if he just passed out? He's passed out plenty of times when His Excellency did such a thing. Oh he feels sick.

Was he... was he still alive?

Did she?

Did she ?

The ENTIRE TIME?!

She better start praying to whatever god she hails to because when he's through with her not even Lord Bahamut will except her Soil back into the Spiral. She stole his family, so he'll steal her life.

[cdroloisms]

always absolutely fucking hilarious when sbiers in their self-righteous need to assert themselves as better than everyone else in the same way they've done since 2020 even when they're apparently 'out of the fandom' and consider the whole thing cringe and dead (skill issue, methinks) go all um acktually no one cared abt any of the lore except for c!sbi. like well for one thing i don't know of a c!sbi personally speaking i'd like for you to point out to me where character sleepy boys inc ever like, existed, because it certainly wasn't in any dream smp i watched like is there even a single moment where the four of them interact together alone??? and secondly, it's always reeeeeeally obvious when they mean this as a diss on The Other Side Of The Fandom (read, dream team and co) when two-thirds of the dream team just did nawt have any interest in being part of the 'main characters' in the first place and would much rather do their own thing and roleplay in ways that wouldn't get picked apart for ages on twitter dot com, and the other member of the dream team played a character so integral to the lore that even c!inniters will often name him before they name their own goddamn guy because they cannot keep his name out of their mouths (see, the meme i saw like literally just yesterday that boiled down to me, after learning the dream smp lore: i need to kill c!dream). like bro yall are c!inniters you're not fooling anyone you think that the entire story revolves around this one teenager being abused and then completely ignore the months of abuse that was shown on screen for us before exile. "c!sbi" like cmon now guys the ao3 pages are like, right there, we all know who ends up being the villain for ur sbi fanfic that has its foundations in a dynamic that literally never existed in canon.

like "no one cared about anyone's lore except for wilbur and tommy--" well yes they were in fact some of the main fucking characters. imagine someone going up to you and going "well no one cared about the lore in the star wars original trilogy except for luke and leia" like damn really?? (now imagine this same person trying to convince you that darth vader's role was unimportant, actually.) like yeah the dream smp involved a lot of separate storylines and each of those storylines might've had their own "main cast" of characters but i'm also not blind bro, the story that started at the start of the fucking server and the start of the fucking lore was ABSOLUTELY the "wilbur-dream-tommy" triangle that is, in fact, the story that the l'manburg revolution was built on and the story that remains the throughline literally until tommy and dream have their confrontation with a nuke coming down over their heads, something that the characters themselves acknowledge with the repetition of the idea of tommy and tubbo against dream. LIKE ALKJSDFKJSADF yeah bro there were main characters in the tommy-dream-wilbur story an that's also the story that people tended to be invested in in the beginning, to the point where even other self-contained stories in the dream smp absolutely referenced and emulated it (cough cough, las nevadas). like, why are we acting like it's at all groundbreaking for people to be invested in THEEE fucking story the one that first started to exist because at the time basically no one else was part of The Roleplaying Trio and then slowly got padded out and developed as the server developed more and more into the lore server?

and it's the fact that none of these people, too, would deny that they care about ex. c!schlatt in manberg, right, or c!quackity in relation to c!wilbur's deal, etc etc whatever. like breaking news you gaf about The Story as a dream smp fan wow am i supposed to be like, surprised. do you want a medal. LIKE LKJASDJF

[loveswrites]

Do you know when you’re going to post your next Poly Volturi? (Absolutely no rush btw take your time and always focus on you and your health first🫶) I was just wondering cause i miss you 🫶

(i don’t have any intention of sounding rude or anything im just wondering and i definitely dont wanna rush you and i ofc want you to take your time and ofc it’s important to focus on yourself first ALWAYS🫶🫶)

Nightmare Poly Volturi x reader

Time it took me: 5 hours

Word count: 2023

To anon: Hello lovely! I'm sorry for the wait it's been like a month since my last post but I've come to give you a little gift! Hope you like it! Thank you so much for your reassurance, You didn't sound rude at all I understand I was gone a LONG time. I'm surprised I even wrote this today my mind was so foggy I haven't really had a good day so I thought I'd put a smile on someone else's!

Love <3

p.s I also tried to find that spongebob meme in a gif but I couldn't find it for some reason lmk if you get it when you read it!

Turning a sharp corner your hip grazed against the cold cobblestone walls of the castle. Causing you to suck in a strong gasp of air. Rubbing your hand against the throbbing pain you felt something wet. Twisting your face up in confusion you couldn't tell what it was. There was a storm and the castle was as dark as it's ever been. The candles Cauis ordered to be lit every set of the sun for you weren't lit like they normally are. If one candle blew out, rather you were there or not he would have someone's head not long after.

"You smell delicious." You heard from no other than the exact one you were thinking about. Caius.

Still a little confused, your eyes widened. Blood. You were bleeding and Cauis was chasing you.

Resuming your slow steps turned into a fast pace run. Well as fast as you could. Your eyes burned with tears as you could hear Caius' steps quicken. Why was he doing this, you thought. Doesn't he love you? 

"Are you frightened little human?" Cauis hissed out with so much venom you could taste it. 

"Please stop-" You were cut off with a scream crawling out of your throat as a strong sound of thunder and lightning struck.

"Your fear reeks a phenomenal scent. I can't wait to taste you." He sneered out letting out a chilling chuckle. 

You couldn't stop the tear that ran down your cheek with his statement. All you could feel was your heart pounding in your chest, So much you thought it would run into overdrive and stop. With the halls darken you ran with what little memory you could collect right now.  Your brain was foggy. Your heart was hurt. And your face was stained with tears of fear. You never thought that you would die like this. The more you ran the more you realized that this was a loop. You had been running around in a circle this whole time and Cauis was still chasing you. 

"Help Me! Jane! Alec! Please don't do this Caius! You're scaring me!" You screamed out looking back for the first time since you started running.

 He was right there. 

Pricing red eyes stared back at you menacingly.

The only sound you could get out of your mouth was a gasp. He grabbed you by your arms in a tight unbreakable grip. So tight you thought your bones would snap. You never did take your vitamins as a kid you thought. Before you could say another word he bared his fangs and snapped down on your neck. You let out a strong scream. It was so loud it echoed and bounced off the walls. You could feel your own blood wetting your skin rolling down your once warm body. As much as you struggled you couldn't move. As much as you screamed you could no longer make sound. All you felt was your life being drained from your body. Mustering all of your strength you screamed the loudest you could with little life you had left. 

"Mio caro!? Wake up è solo un sogno!" A voice sounded.

Snapping your eyes open, you saw him. Screaming once against you pushed off of him blinded to your surroundings. You fell down onto a cold marble floor it hurt but you could care less right now. Anything to get away from him.

"Don't touch me! S-stay away from me! J-Jane! Where are you!?" You screamed out tears already rolling down your face. Still crawling away from Caius you kept your eyes on him the best you could with blurred vision. 

"What-" Cauis started but was cut off by your words.

"Don't talk to me, leave me alone! Jane! W-where's Jane!? Jane! Jane!!" You cried screaming at the top of your lungs. 

Everyone's attention snapped to the door as Jane busted through the door. Her piercing red eyes were filled with anger ready to unleash hell on anyone that dared to hurt what is hers. 

"What happened!" She snapped sharp eyes staring down everyone who was in the room. She saw no threat but that didn't mean there wasn't one.

You were in the throne room as you always were half the time. Everyone knew you loved laying upon the throne with Caius. You were often there with him during most trails. It was convenient because most of the time all of your mates were there also. So hearing your screams come from this room of all places put Jane on guard. 

"We don't know she was just resting as she always is, then woke up screaming." Marcus stated.

"She's very frightened and the first one so called out for was you. Go to her, Slowly.” Aro said making sure to speak softly.

She listened, making sure to take slow and soft steps towards you. When she was finally in front of you she kneeled down to your level as you had backed yourself into a corner. 

“Who scared you?” She asked, trying her best to not sound too demanding but failing miserably. 

You reached out and wrapped your arms around her tightly, crying hard.

“Please don’t let him hurt me.” You whispered into her neck. A whisper so low that she had to try to listen. 

“Who is trying to hurt you?” She whispered back wrapping her arms around you. Doing her best to console you as physical touch is still a hard thing for her.

“C-caius he bit me he was trying to kill me.” You said still shaking as the scene replayed in your head over and over again.

“Well I guess we know who won't be turning her.” Felix snickered, earning a shove from dem.

“Silence!” Cauis ordered, making Felix shut up immediately. His loud tone made you jump and brung more tears to your eyes. Jane continued to comfort you, whispering calming and promising words in your ear.

“Go on, tell me what else happened.” She beckoned.

“I was trying to run away from him b-because he was chasing me. I didn’t know why until I realized that I was bleeding and he wasn’t chasing me to help me. He was chasing me to bring more h-harm to me. I was going in circles and I couldn’t find a way out! There wasn’t a way out but I kept trying and trying but he still got me and- He drained me of everything inside of me.. I can still feel his bite. It hurts, why does it hurt?” You whimpered out sniffling every few words. You held onto Jane tighter in fear she would let you go.

It was silent for a while. No one in the room knew quite what to say. Or what you needed to hear. But the one thing they all knew was that no matter how much Cauis would threaten or yell at you he would lay down his life for you. And if he ever laid a harmful hand on you the rest of you mates would deal with him no matter the consequences. One little human held so much power. 

“It was just a nightmare, you're safe. He would never hurt you. And if he did I’d kill him myself.” Jane said firmly. 

Her words brung comfort to you. Jane never lies. Especially to you.  She always says that she has no time for lying. To which you always say she technically has all her life or death to lie. 

“Jane let me see her.” Cauis said leaving no room for arguing.

“Caius.” Marcus said in a warning tone.

“Do you want to face him? I’ll take you away if not.” Jane whispered in your ear. It took a little while for you to answer but eventually you did sadly. You truly weren't ready to face him but you didn’t want Jane to get in trouble for your newfound fear.

“It’s okay..” You said slowly as if you were trying to convince yourself. 

“Are you sure?” She questioned.

“I’m sure.” You said taking a deep breath when Jane parted from you. Though Jane was freezing cold her cold began to feel warm to you. So when she let you go you couldn’t help but feel naked under the eyes of everyone in the room. A shiver ran down your spine when you finally made eye contact with Caius. His red eyes were intimidating but not as threatening as the ones in your nightmares. In fact his eyes looked.. Concerned, confusion and hurt. That one was a kick to the chest. You hated seeing him hurt but you hated seeing you hurt more. 

“Come here.” Caius said watching you as you took very slow steps to you. Realizing your fear was truly real as you'd normally run to him full of joy. But now you shake with each step. You were never even this scared when you first met. 

Once you were standing in front of him he closed the gap between you two holding onto your hands. Your warm soft ones colliding against his cold hard ones.  

“You truly think I’d ever hurt you on purpose if at all? I’m offended by how lowly you think of me amore mio.” He frowned looking down at you. 

“It was- it felt very real.” You whispered looking down but that didn’t last long as he put his hand under your chin and tilted your head back up to face you.

“If you're frightened do not be cowardly in fear I will not accept it. Especially when I am aware of how fearless you are. It was a horrible dream, a nightmare. One that will never come true.” He said watching you with close eyes.

“I-” You were cut off with his next words.

“You should know that I would never hurt you on purpose. But eventually for you to be with us forever you will have to be turned. But it won't be painful for you. We will ensure it. Alec will use his power to make sure of it.” Caius stated as if this would make you feel better.

“You’ve been conspiring about my death behind my back?” You questioned furrowing your eyebrows.

“More like preparing. You're not getting any younger.” Felix said from behind you.

“Are you serious?” You questioned.

“We’d rather have you dead and with us rather than dead and gone bellissima.” Dem voiced softly in hopes you wouldn’t get upset with the rest of them.

“I feel like this is some type of gaslighting or manipulation.” You said, shaking your head.

“Nevermind that, do you feel better?” Alec asked, deterring your thoughts from this topic.

“I kinda do. I’d still like a little space from you though.” You said looking up at Caius. 

“Only a few days after that you're asking for ungiveable things.” He said letting you go but not before kissing you on your forehead making you freeze momentarily.

“Go get some rest.” He dismissed you.

As you walked away after standing there for a while Jane followed you and right when you grabbed the door Caius words made you stop in your tracks.

“ You shouldn’t be scared of me in that sense. You wouldn’t even be filling, you refuse to take your vitamins Carlisle insists you take.” He yelled out so you could hear. 

You couldn’t help the small laugh that came out of your mouth knowing how true that statement was. For the next few days Jane followed you everywhere. Always on your heels. Sleeping with you, feeding next to you, If she knew you were having a bad dream she’d wake you up right away and take you out for a walk. All until you felt comfortable to be alone with Cauis she was right there by your side. 

And when you finally felt comfortable enough you saw how bad Cauis was taking it through his paintings. He was afraid you would see him as a monster. He knew he was but he never wanted to be that in your eyes. You spent the next few nights showing him how fearless you were of him. Wink wink.

[lizaluvsthis]

SPOILER FOR THE NEW EPISODE! CHRISTMAS WARS! SCROLL OUT IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED IT YET!!!!

-

-

"Hey Liz how'd that new christmas episo-"

*ME BREATHING HEAVILY*

Consider on Smg3 having a good point for hosting his own party (why cant he just throw a party with the dead memes? Like invite them in his cafe right aw-) thats exactly why. Dead memes cant re-enter the living realm. (Also the reason what happened during the 10th year anniversary episode because we DONT want that mess again?

So instead of dead memes he literally chose to host it WITH his new friends this time. Smg4's crew.

"But why tho? Didn't he hated them?" YES. but at the same time. Please dont forget his mere messages during IGBP on the line he says "But I've met your friends man..." again. Ask me WHY theres another reason he moved in next to four's castle?

(He doesn't want to feel alone again not only four was the reason but his friends too)

Okay but when after the castle and three's coffee shop got burned down by santa clause, where do you see that bright explanation from the crew.

AND LITERALLY. SMG3 IS ON TSUNDERE MODE ACTIVATION WHERE HE- BLUSHED- I mean its okay- its totally fine its perfectly normal.

Not for three. He never celebrated christmas in the early 2020 not even after the arc but four was kind enough to invite three in the recent years to make him have to experience whats special about it.

But three was too embarrassed from four's crew because they've shown alot of kindness towards him that he'd never experienced at all and this was his first time hearing it all out on them.

After he says "f-friends?!" He continues on playing "I'd rather die than have you guys as friends"

Which also meant he did. Almost. Die. Saving four.

Did you notice smg4 in this scene? Did you see the way he looked at three? Did you SEE how he giggled and laughed just by seeing his expression?

Heart tingles you know? And this IS also the first time he's done that.

Wait for it...

WAIT FOR IT...

WOW SMG4 THAT BACK HOLD AT THREE WAS SUPER SMOOTH I'M OBVIOUSLY BLIND TO MYSELF THAT I CANT "SEE" WITH MY OWN EYES.

And NOT ONLY THAT- EVERYONE'S REACTION WERE THE SAME PLACE EXCEPT WHO? MARIO.

WHO'S MOUTH IS OPEN AND MAKING A HAPPY EXPRESSION (that also means... HE HAD JUST WITNESSED FOUR BEING A F-KING FRUIT AGAIN-) (MARIO BEING A REAL SMG34 SHIPPER IS SO REAL)

Not only was it delicious- Three too was smiling at four, supporting his idea and not even LEAVING by his side. (Like have you noticed right after both of their places got destroyed- these two completely HAVE NEVER SEPARATED AND STUCK CLOSE TOGETHER?)

This also provens he's on the right role after all. His character development did improve his changing around his friends even after 2020th - 2022nd

Who knows that maybe four's crew knew that three wasn't so bad after all? That he was just in need of friends because he'd been so alone from time to time?

Still. He smiles. Not just for the holiday spirit, but to his new friends, and four to have on. (Mention of mario makes turkey for upcoming xmas episode four convinced EVERYONE from the crew including three, BUT HE NEVER LEFT BY HIS SIDE. Literally the moon is stuck with the sun)

Four and three? They both contacted atleast EVERYONE from town they know. (Even three never considered belle, whimpu, or the so called fake-other-versions of theirs who became his crew during 2020th wotfi he still has a heart to consider them all as being in part of his life.)

We never get a mistletoe scene sadly but we had a precious smg34 collection here...

Even after this hand taking, Three and Four looked at eachother together before they start to sway and celebrate the christmas holiday.

"Liz it's just two of them looking whats so important from that?"

You dont see these fruits being like that often, so its a very rare one in the new episodes. (Considered again. Three has gone soft. TOO soft for being with four's crew and being with... smg4...)

He wasnt even angry or done with this bs he still had that christmas spirit and all that matters is celebrating it with four and his other new friends.

OKAY THERE IM DONE I'M EVEN GONNA BE MORE ILL-

*insert audio losing pulse*

[sanityshorror]

Aside from ASF, what are some of your favorite extreme horror films?

This reminded me, I've actually been meaning to make an extreme horror film tier meme thing lol.

I actually talk about other extreme horror films very often, but I guess ASF becomes what you're known for when people don't understand the reason I watch extreme horror over Hollywood horror. The reason is because I WANT to be disturbed, horrified, and feel uncomfortable when consuming horror media. So with that said. I'm going to list some of my favs that I recommend as well for people who are interested in getting into extreme horror or have yet to see.

Warning SPOLERS

Irreversible is absolutely one of my top extreme horror films. It's an absolute masterpiece and I feel like it truly portrays the reality and trauma and effects of sexual assault. As a victim, I appreciate traumatic things like SA being portrayed realistically, because it's important for people to understand the full extent of the suffering a victim experiences.

Cannibal Holocaust, as stereotypical as that may sound to say, my reasons are probably deeper than one would expect. I appreciate the film because of the political commentary, how it essentially flips what one goes in expecting on its head by showing that the group of Americans who go to make the documentary are actually the true monsters. I also think it's very impressive (and rather rare) to find extreme horror that delivers such a kick to gut without using or heavily focusing on child abuse. I think Irreversible is great for the same reason. The kick to the gut is much more out of left field given how much child abuse is used as a trope.

Trauma (2017) [nicknamed A Chilean Film]. I went into this blind and OH LORD I WILL ADMIT I WAS CAUGHT OFF GUARD AND EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE MORE THAN ONCE. definitely lived up to the nickname it's been given. There's an endurance test scene that is Irreversible tier and the fact the girl puts the gun in her mouth after experiencing that (only to be shot by Juan instead), shows how truly horrifically SA affects victims. I also appreciate the fact that Juan's own trauma was shown in flashbacks, giving an explanation but not an excuse of how he ended up the way he did. The end scene smacked me like the hand of God. Its a movie that does a good job at showing the cycle of abuse.

Salo, I wouldn't say is one of my top extreme horror films, but I'd say it's a must watch at least once. The commentary on fascism being horrid... 🙏

Now, this last one I'm going to mention, is not extreme horror but by far the movie that has left me the most disturbed and to this day: Threads (1984) you will be left very, very, very numb and never quite the same: "You cannot win a nuclear war!" -Threads, before nuclear war.

On a final note, I also am looking forward to rewatching August Underground again soon, I haven't seen it in YEARS and it's recently been officially distributed by the AMAZING @unearthed-films !!!

Psst if y'all like extreme horror books, you should check out The Man with the Scarred Neck (splatterpunk genre) you won't be disappointed ;) (I don't apologize for mentioning this)

[actiasteeth]

ASKBOX MEME 053 / SLEEP TOKEN'S TAKE ME BACK TO EDEN

All prompts taken from Sleep Token’s 2023 album, Take Me Back To Eden. Adjust as needed.

"When we were made, it was no accident."

"It's all the same to me, it makes no difference."

"You've got me in a chokehold."

"Even if it hurts me. Even if I can't sleep. Show me the way."

"Take me past the edge."

"I want to see the other side."

"Won't you show me what it's like?"

"My love, did I mistake you for a sign from god?"

"These days, I would be lying if I told you that I didn't wish that I could be your man."

"You won't ever have to talk about it."

"You'll never wanna talk about it."

"You were more than just somebody I was destined to meet."

"I see you go half-blind when you're looking at me."

"You gave me nothing whatsoever but a reason to leave."

"You say you want me, but you know I'm not what you need. But I am."

"You sit there, acting like you know me, acting like you only brought me here to get below me."

"We'd rather be six feet under than be lonely."

"If you had a problem, then you should have told me."

"I can't get enough."

"You have become the voice in my head."

"Are you in pain like I am?"

"I wanna go where nobody else will ever go."

"There is always something in the way."

"I wanna have you to myself for once."

"I know what you want from me."

"So you take what you want and leave."

"Who made you like this?"

"Show me what you are; I am desperate to know."

"Anything's better than the way I feel right now."

"Be the first to the feast, let's choke on the past."

"You want the same as me."

"I'll take what I want then leave."

"You make me wish I could disappear."

"I could see it in you even then."

"I was trying to hold back the darkness."

"Are you really okay?"

"I can see it in you even now."

"I want to help you but I don't know how."

"I cannot fix your wounds this time."

"I don't believe you when you tell me you are fine."

"Please don't hurt yourself again."

"I know that you will disappear."

"I believe somewhere in the past, something was between you and I, my dear."

"It remains with me to this day."

"No matter what I do, this scar will never fade."

"No matter what I do, this wound will never heal."

"Just let me go or take me with you."

"Is it always the same?"

"Do you wish that you loved me?"

"Are you trying to live like everything is a lesson to learn?"

"Can you ever forgive yourself?"

"I would turn into a stranger in an instant if I could."

"There is something eating me alive—I don't know what it is."

"Maybe not that you conceal your feelings, they just don't exist."

"It's getting harder to be myself."

"Is it better to just not feel?"

"It's been so long that I'm forgetting what it feels like."

"I'd rather not remind myself and leave it all behind."

"I've tried so hard to fix it all, but nothing seems to help."

"I cannot hope to give you what I cannot give myself."

"I don't wanna get in your way."

"The vicious cycle was over the moment you smiled at me."

"Touch me again."

"You get what you give, you reap what you sow."

"I can see you in my fate."

"When I open my eyes to the future, I can hear you say my name."

"I will travel far beyond the path of reason."

"I need you to see me for what I have become."

"You know my desire."

"No amount of self-sought fury will bring back the glory of innocence."

"I have traveled far beyond the path of reason."

"Call me when you get the chance."

"Call me when you have the time."

"I just need to leave this part of me behind."

"Do you remember me when the rain gathers?"

"Do you still believe that nothing else matters?"

"The night belongs to you."

[yuebings]

fic writer meme

thank u @fruitdaze @uhuraisgay @cairoscene @englishsub for tagging me!

How many works do you have on Ao3?

44 currently! double 4s? during MY lunar new year? i gotta change that up quick

2. What's your total Ao3 word count?

315,042 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

my most written-for fandom is mdzs, but i don't really write for it anymore...if you look at my ao3 profile u can kinda tell i'm a sporadic one-and-done type when it comes to fic hehe no one can predict where i'll go next. my latest fandom is jujutsu kaisen!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

so you've been robbed by a musuem

the stone-filled sea

the family-dodging bathroom-dwellers association

and his wanting grows teeth

diving blind

it's like a wangxian sweep except for the last sambucky lol

5. Do you respond to comments?

i am trying to get better at that! sometimes i don't have the energy to go through and respond to every single one but trust me when i say that seeing the wonderful comments people leave truly makes my day

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

tbh i don't think i've ever written straight-up angsty endings (or at least the way i see straight up angst). every 'bad' ending has a ray of hope in it, or at least an acceptance that like...yes, this is the way it was meant to be, and to reject the outcome would be to reject everything that came before it. sometimes things were meant to go to shit. there was no other way to go. we were doomed but at least we loved each other. i will suffer but at least i can remember you. so on so forth.

with all that said, it's a toss up between the longest journey (di feijing & lei chun), or all things in pain (wen ning character study). 'angsty' endings, if only in the way i described above

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

a lot of my happy endings aren't super-sweet happy endings per se, but rather a promise or hope that things will get better. idk what that says about me lol like maybe i have more interest in the "how to become happy" part than the actual happiness itself...? but ANYWAY i'd say the sappiest ending is i have is uhhhh feel like a brand new person (msr take edibles together) because 1) their mutual attraction is finally acknowledged 2) they're making out 3) they're high as balls. what's better than this

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not any time recently! i've rarely had negative comments before and all of them have been of such a ridiculous nature that my only response was like "lmfao ok"

9. Do you write smut?

nope! not yet, at least. maybe some time in the future i'll feel like it

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you have written?

haven't written any, don't really read them either! i keep my blorbos locked up in their separate cages. siloed.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes! kind of. if this counts, a couple years ago someone on wattpad stole over 100 wangxian fics (including mine) from ao3 and reposted them onto their own account without credit. we got their account taken down tho so all is well...but this is why i say in my ao3 profile that i do not allow reposts. please tell me if u ever see my work reposted anywhere........

i've also come across a fic in a diff fandom that was VERY clearly "inspired" by one of mine (lifting certain scenes and lines beat for beat) and gave no credit. so there's that as well.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! it's always an honor when someone wants to translate my work :)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope! my creative process is so erratic that i feel like i'd be a nightmare to co-write with, so this is probably for the better

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

this is a hard question to answer. i don't have an ultimate favorite that always stays at the top of the pile, cuz my interests change all the time! right now i'm really enjoying platonic yuuji & megumi & nobara & gojo. in terms of what i go to most often when i want a comfort re-read...finnpoe.

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

omg. you want a DEEP CUT? i have a wip for a rarepair in an already sparse fandom...yeongshin/seobi from kingdom on netflix (the historical korean zombie drama). i LOOOOVE that show i comfort re-watch it all the time. i love their bonded-thru-trauma-frenemies healer/warrior dynamic and i have this wip going for yeongshin getting bitten and seobi developing a zombification-reversal cure through sheer willpower and spite alone........there's maybe 2k written and i was relying on a season renewal announcement to motivate me enough to get the rest of it out but uh. fellow kingdom warriors if you're out there. i think we may be losing this battle............kingdom season 3 announcement save me..............

16. What are your writing strengths?

as a haver-of-siblings, i think i do general family dynamics pretty well! someone has told me in the past that i am good at packing meaning into very few words. i also think i'm good at angsty emotional beats (i sure like writing them, at least)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

bro if there is any action scene in my work, writing it is like pulling teeth. what do you mean he's getting hit. what do you mean i have to think of an interesting way to describe punch #1 and punch #2 and punch #3. STOPPPPPPPP I CANT DO THIS.

in terms of technique i used to struggle with this thing where i NEED to perfect the writing i'm working on before i can move on. like i'd waste huge amounts of time rewriting a three sentence paragraph over and over and over again until it was perfect before i could move onto the next scene. i'm getting a lot better with that tho!

18. Thoughts of writing dialogue in another language in fics?

i've never done it myself, like, full on written-in-a-diff-lang dialogue, but i think it's cool as long as context clues/some form of translation is provided. and if proper research is done if the writer isn't a native speaker

19. First fandom you wrote for?

the man from uncle (2015). lol. napollya could have won in an alternate universe where armie h@mmer wasn't a piece of shit

20. Favorite fic you have written?

HOO. i gotta say it's my sambucky ghost fic the boy who cried ghost. it's by far my longest fic (even tho it isn't actually very long compared to others ive seen LOLLLL) and it took me AGES to write and ended up being quite personal!! part of the reason it took me so long to finish was bc i couldn't bear to write about sam struggling with grief/guilt when i was also going through something similar, so when i finally got around to writing the moment of catharsis i kinda felt like i was helping myself, too! which was a very interesting experience, and definitely served to lodge this fic in my heart forever and ever. it's not exactly popular but i'm proud of it :)

tagging @tantai-jin @bluecrystalrainingdaggers @vinelark and anyone else who wants to participate!

[decepti-thots]

springer for the ask meme?

one aspect about them i love: Springer is a character who is basically in the wrong story and, on some level, knows this. Or rather, he wants to believe that; he wants to believe that the problem is that he's in a story that doesn't allow for him to be the kind of uncomplicatedly good hero he feels like he ought to be, and so maybe it's OK if he's not. He's someone who has been complicit in a lot of terrible things because he told himself step-by-step that because they were the Good Guys, because he was the good influence, it couldn't possibly have actually been terrible that they did those things. And he keeps trying to make decisions that will correct this, that will actually set things right, and it never quite seems to work because it takes him so long to understand that the issue is that the Wreckers exist at all, and he can't have the fight without the violence underpinning it. Huh. Writing that out just made me draw a new parallel between him and Prowl, actually. Wild.

one aspect i wish more people understood about them: Springer is a guy who has done really bad things, and enabled worse things. Impactor went too far after a loooong build up, one which Springer canonically managed to justify to himself for a very long time and was only able to try and fix when it was already too late. Not to mention that he turned a blind eye to the complicity of all the other Wreckers even in the aftermath. His own sense of innate goodness is what allowed that! And the Wreckers saga is, from his perspective, kind of this long trek to finding out what you can actually do about that.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character: this is kind of coming at it sideways, but it includes him, so. I don't think Kup was a great influence in some ways! I think he loved Springer a lot and that this was immensely important. I also think that Springer was constructed in wartime and immediately handed over to a military guy with the explicit intent that he be shaped for said war, the main difference between him and an actual MTO mostly being that at least Springer didn't just wake up on the battlefield. Some of what Springer was as a Wrecker- willing to give himself over to violence and romanticize it as necessary and heroic, defining himself by a institution that inflicts it- probably arose from that before Impactor ever entered the picture, from what Kup taught him. I think it can be harder to acknowledge things like that when they come from the people who genuinely loved you, rather than people who outright mistreat you.

one character i love seeing them interact with: VERITY. I love their relationship so much. I think it's so important that the relationship that ultimately allows him to actually find a way to move beyond everything is a) the first relationship he really chose in a sense and b) the first relationship he forges away from the context of war. Verity, for all her accomplishments (RIP Overlord) is not a soldier. I love what we see of them in Requiem, where they've clearly been talking through a lot of his shit while they're living in that barn. They're dealing with things! She can tell him to talk about his weird robot Dad feelings! I love them.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more: I don't know if it's that I'd say I want more of him and Tarantulas interacting. But gosh did I want more of Springer talking... about him. We get these little hints of how Springer has handled the revelation of who he is, we know he and Verity discussed it. But. It's so hard to get a handle on exactly how Springer feels about it. I guess that's kind of the point. But I still wanted it, haha. Alternatively, Roadbuster. If you've read Zero Point, you know we see a little of what Roadbuster caring for Springer looked like, and I would have loved to see a little more direct interaction in Sins before he... uh. Explodes.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character: Springer did not really get along with Ultra Magnus a lot of the time, though there wasn't any actual antagonism per se. The problem was that Springer always looked like a real moral beacon of the Wreckers until Magnus showed up, at which point the artifice became uncomfortably clear, because Magnus always remembered a dozen moral concerns that Springer was good at sliding past without acknowledging. It was just enough to remind him of all the qualms he managed to avoid thinking about too hard most of the time.

[beyond-the-rabbit-hole]

Guilty Party

Features: Vaquero and his Evan

Warnings: violence, morbid speech, all caps text

“missed me?" HABIT spat the words at Evan like he'd been given a pipebomb wrapped in a bow rather than a Christmas gift, "that's cute, really. hey, i'd miss me too if all i did was sit on my ass and mindlessly watch movies and beg for people to pay attention to me. oh yeah, i'm dropping the cowboy act for this one, sugarcube."

Panic in wide gray eyes huddled in the corner of the room Evan swore would be his demise- everything was tossed asunder from a little game of ring around the rosy. The couch was flipped over, the coffee table crashed into the tv, broken wood and chairs to turn the house into a landmine of splinters.

"i bet you don't even know what to do with yourself without me! if you did you wouldn't still be living this same damn life, this same damn day over and over. we'd be off somewhere new by now, wouldn't we? somewhere fun, somewhere exciting, building up a brand new life. but no, even without your HABIT you're still just like every other rabbit clinging to me. my story, my iterations, my everything."

Evan mumbled something about being trapped in the cycle, about there being no way out.

"NO, HABIT hissed, "YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT ALL OVER AGAIN BUT YOU ARE NOT AN INNOCENT VICTIM. YOU ARE BLIND, YOU CHOOSE TO BE BLIND SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO SEE IT! BECAUSE YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH, YOU NEVER COULD!"

He crouched down in front of Evan with a wide smirk and whispered, "you want to know the truth? you want to know what's been sitting right under your nose? you could leave any time you wanted."

He waited paitently for a response, anything to reward HABIT for the enticing information he just dropped. Nothing, nothing but cowardice.

"you don't believe me," he chuckled, "all you have to do is shut up and change. change your habits. control me. you are what happens when you do not control me."

A weak protest, not a single word even worth remembering. It was a shaky, half cobbled excuse.

"JUST SHUT UP AND DO IT!" HABIT cackled, "CMON ITS THAT EASY! JUST SHUT UP AND DO IT."

Evan would laugh at that meme if he didn't feel like his very life was being threatened. Hands clamped over his ears and eyes squeezed tight so he didn't have to hear his booming voice, didn't have to see that blood-soaked smile on his very own face.

"BUT YOU WON'T WILL YOU? AFTER ALL I GAVE YOU, AFTER ALL I'D DONE FOR YOU, YOU'RE STILL JUST A COWARD. A WEAKLING, A PATHETIC LITTLE WRETCH UNDER MY HEEL. GUESS THATS MY FAULT FOR NOT MAKING YOU SOLVE YOUR OWN PROBLEMS, HUH?" Evan couldn't block it out, no matter how hard he tried. He wound up tighter into his ball. He really felt like a coward, he hid like one, trembled like one, cried like one. He wanted to snap bite fight rip tear punch but why? Why fight? He couldn't move his own body. Maybe he'd have plausible deniability if he just stayed here.

"YOU STILL WON'T ANSWER ME! HOW HILARIOUS." HABIT stomped over and smacked away Evan's arms like pieces of trash left in the room and gripped his chin. He forced Evan to look up at him with those pretty tear filled doe eyes and sunk his hand lower. Around Evan's throat now he swallowed into HABIT'S palm, gulped into it as he should. He was Evan's very life force, the very thing that got him here and the only thing keeping his dumbass alive and he would drink in air like ambrosia from his hand, at his command. And he could take it away whenever he liked. Evan's feet scraped against the wall not the floor now, brows high and knit and teeth bared in a submissive grimace with tears and sweat pooling and dripping down his face in a sopping pathetic mess the same way a dog would after its owner shoved it down into a puddle of its own piss.

"I GAVE EVERYTHING TO YOU. I PROTECTED YOU, AND I DID IT SO WELL YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE PROBLEM. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE DID, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT OUR DAD IS DEAD AND REPLACED BY AN IMPOSTER. YEAH, LOOKING REAL SHOCKED NOW, HUH? PRICELESS. YOU SHOULD SEE THE PITIFUL PRICELESS LOOK ON YOUR FACE." he cackled. "NOPE, WRONG AGAIN! I DIDN'T DO IT THIS TIME!"

HABIT could not stop laughing. He dragged Evan up to the bathroom and ducked his head into the sink.

"AWWW WERE YOU WORRIED I WAS GONNA WATERBOARD YOU? WE DON'T EVEN HAVE RUNNING WATER DUMBASS! AND WHO'S FAULT IS THAT, HUH?"

He threw Evan down on the floor. He curled up and whimpered like HABIT had kicked him.

"I DID EVERYTHING FOR YOU AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN GET YOURSELF A PLACE WITH THE BASIC FUCKING NECESSITIES FOR YOUR OWN PITIFUL SURVIVAL. AND YOU'RE OKAY WITH THIS? I WANT MORE, WE DESERVE MORE THAN THIS BUT NO, TO YOU THE COST IS JUST TOO DAMN HIGH. ITS TOO HARD TO KEEP A FUCKING JOB WITH ALL YOUR BAD HABITS, TOO HARD TO JUMP SKIP AND A HOP INTO A BETTER TIMELINE, A BETTER LIFE FOR US BOTH. WE COULD HAVE SO MUCH MORE IF YOU STOPPED GIVING INTO YOUR BAD HABITS! BUT YOU'LL NEVER DO THAT, YOU'LL NEVER PUT AN OUNCE OF ENERGY DESPITE EVERYTHING THATS BEEN GIVEN TO YOU."

"...people have died because they loved you and wanted the best for you. and you wasted it."

Tethers sprouted from HABIT and attached to Evan, hooking their limbs together. He pulled him closer and clasped Evan's hands and spun him around like a ballerina in a music box, posed pretty and twirling beyond his own control. He went in for a dip and waggled his eyebrows at him.

Evan dropped to the floor. He glanced into the bathroom mirror. And there was just him. Tired, sunken eyes and nails dug into his skin. There was only him.

[bulletblade]

What are the odds of Freddy Fazbear actually joining Super Smash Bros.?

Now, many people will say he shouldn't join, me being one of them, whether that's because he's seen as a meme character, lack of moveset potential, or just blind hatred is not the discussion. No, we are asking if it's actually possible for Five Night's at Freddy's to join not only Super Smash Bros. but the other "Challengers of Smash" (posts every Monday) as well.

Can Freddy join Smash?

Starting with Nickelodeon All Star Brawl, No, just no.

Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl has a variety of reasons that they won't add Freddy. The first is that it's a Nickelodeon game, and given that all of the characters are Nickelodeon characters and Garfield, it's highly likely that Nickelodeon won't add them to keep with their brand aimed toward kids, despite most of FNAF's fan base, behind the scenes controversy and the fact that canonically most of NASB's roster will either No Diff Freddy, see this as another Saturday or will be completely ignored by him/her. Maybe if this was Viacom All Star Brawl or if it took up the name of its predecessor: Super Brawl. Then, the odds would rise to being slim.

Rating: Ha, no/10

Next up is Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale. Unlike Nickelodeon, the question isn't because he'd feel out of place due to the entire cast having differing themes and art styles. It's not because Freddy isn't a Playstation icon again due to the roster of the previous game. In this case, Freddy seems just as likely to join as Crash Bandicoot or Gubble. No, the main reason is because PSASBR is dead. The game came out in 2012, a decade, and 2 console generations ago.

Rating: Dead Game/10

Multiversus is up next and...I'd say 50/50. Yeah, unlike NASB and PSASBR, Multiversus is more based upon popularity, moveset potential, and whether WB has its head stuck up it's a__.

Rating: 5/10

The penultimate game is Fraymakers, being an indie based Smash Bros. Crossover makes Freddy a likely contender. The question is, either McCleoud or Scott Cawthon ready and/or willing to let him join?

Rating: More likely than you think/10

Finally, we reach Super Smash Bros. and I'd have to say Spirit or Mii Costume at best. Five Night's at Freddy's is a horror game, a pretty ok horror game, but one none the less. Compared to some of the other "horror" franchises in Smash Bros., we have Luigi's Mansion, which is more of a Scooby-Doo scary rather than actual horror, Castlevania despite being some level of violent is more so Fantasy Horror and Resident Evil, which is a "modern fantasy" version of horror, if that makes sense. And while yes, Eternal Darkness and Fatal Frame exist, they are in because Nintendo was involved in their games. Five Nights at Freddy's, on the other hand, has literal on-screen atari style, child murder as a legit feature, and while there is a chance that some of the other franchises previously listed have some degree of child murder as well, you forget those franchises are multi-generational AAA games. Indie games do have a presence in Smash but to a much lesser degree than the big companies, and Freddy has some tough competition in that department, Shovel Knight, Shantae, Zagreus, Sans, and CommanderVideo already appearing in Smash, and outside you have characters such as Hat Kid and The Knight from Hollow Knight as viable options. So, while Freddy has a chance due to multiple factors, including whether Smash will continue to expand the roster or if it will reboot. Sorry, this is just a party you probably won't be rented out for.

Rating: Sorry, Freddy/10

But what do you think, does Freddy have a chance to join Smash or its challengers? Let me know in the comments. I do have actual roster design ideas, but they felt kinda samey, so I decided to mix in some Roster Chance Ideas into the mix, so i'll take turns with both concepts.

[shiroi---kumo]

I'd rather be blind || Accepting

@flameleads has concerns:

[ Blindfold ] Roy approached with quiet footsteps and sat across from White Cloud. He paused for a few seconds as he gathered his thoughts. Only when he felt he had a good handle on them did he speak. "Yö tervehtii, ystäväni," he started, hoping his practice with the Lieutenant paid off. To be quite honest, he liked the Misterican phrasing for greeting the night and day. In at least three of the languages he knew, one always assumed mornings and evenings would be good, and he found that presumptuous. But, that was not why he was here. He had something far more important to discuss. "You love him---Kain, I mean." As if he could mean anyone else. "I can tell. And he loves you. In my culture, this is often the part where someone sits you down and says, 'Don't hurt him.' I know you would never intentionally do that, so that's not why I'm here. I'm here because that man became part of my family several years ago, and you became part of my family recently. I care about both of you a lot. I've just known Kain a lot longer, and I've seen him grow. He's passionate, smart, and one of the kindest humans I've ever met. Sometimes, though, I think he forgets that, or he forgets to take care of himself. He got used to not putting himself first." Roy let out a sigh before he continued. "Ignore that it's my ass saying that. I know I do it too. I guess what I'm trying to say is... take care of him for me, all right? Do that by taking care of yourself and by showing him it's all right for him to put himself first once in a while. And keep him safe. I know you can do that, but I have to say it."

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆ He sets with his hands in his lap and he counts the steps as they move closer. He listens to the sound of the heart thudding in the chest before him and he is careful to take in the sound of each and every inflection.

Eversti.

He needed to talk to him about ... Kain.

He knew this conversation was coming but he was almost hoping he would have done it without his eyes covered. Perhaps it's just easier to talk to him in truth this way. He's not here with ill will, just concern - so he has nothing to hold against him.

"I do."

It's such a simple phrase to fall from his lips but he takes a moment to pull in a gentle breath before he starts to explain.

"I want to give the rest of my life to him."

There is only truth in his words and his body remains unflinching as he says them. When he thinks of Kain his cheeks grow warm and his chest gets tight. Kain is warm arms wrapping around him and a hand that clenches his own so tight. Kain is a smile that makes his body feel light and a heartbeat that makes his head spin.

That man makes him feel like he's walking on air and that's saying something since he actually can.

"Even if - even if my soul should give out soon, I want Kain to have all the time I have left... and I - I have explained ... I have shown the state of my life to him. You need not worry about that. I have been open and honest with him on such a subject and he is aware of the state of my soul and my relationship to the Maken. He is also aware of Lady Tiamat and my relationship to her. I have not kept these things from him."

He's sighing as his shoulders drop, hands moving to stitch together as they start to fidget amongst themselves.

"I promise to care for him in every way I am able and to give him everything he needs and desires. I will care for him with everything I am. Eversti, I promise. I ... I love him."

[themattress]

Hey look, I found and filled out an old school controversy meme template!

Favorite Character: Rei Hino and Minako Aino. Rei was my favorite ever since I was a kid because she had a fun personality and badass fire powers, but as I grew up and gained access to things like Codename Sailor V, I really began to develop a deep fondness and appreciation for Minako as well. I can't possibly choose between them; they're both great.

Despised Character: The Sailor Starlights, primarily the anime versions (the manga versions just seem kind of pointless to me). It's the final season of the show and yet so much time is being hogged by these newcomers, who are unlikable jackasses on top of that. Truthfully, I'd have much rather kept Chibiusa around, at least she's someone I know and care about.

Most Overrated Character: The anime's Haruka Tenoh and Michiru Kaioh. Now don't get me wrong, I love them too and I 100% get why they're so special to so many fans. But I feel that often blinds people to their less than stellar writing in the second half of S and throughout Sailor Stars. The writers took their status as "Darker and Edgier Sailor Senshi" way too far, to the point where they started coming off as unlikable strawmen of Magical Girl genre haters.

Most Underrated Character: Unazuki Furuhata. Why didn't she show up in Crystal!?

Favorite Couple: Usagi/Mamoru, primarily manga/Crystal and Junichi Sato-directed!anime.

Despised Couple: Usagi/Seiya. Toxic, inauthentic, just all-around bad. Burn it with fire.

Favorite Season: The original Sailor Moon. I don't even know how to describe it other than lightning that never quite struck twice. I think the franchise owes much of its success to it.

Despised Season: Sailor Stars. First we have an arc that butchers Queen Nehelenia, then Chibiusa is insultingly written out offscreen, then Mamoru dies without anyone knowing so that we can have the Breakup Plot 2.0, then a boy band that can transform into female Sailor Senshi start hogging the spotlight with one of them getting into a toxic relationship with Usagi, the villains are more incompetent than ever and still doing the same Monster of the Week formula with the monsters being utterly nonsensical in their origin (not to mention not in the manga at all), and we end with a six-part finale that tries so hard to cram in as much emotion and devastation as possible without doing it half as well as the original season's two-part finale. And this is the last season of the show! It's just such an insulting way for the show to go out, with its good points few and far between. Most of the staff from prior seasons weren't on this one and its director was actively sick of the franchise, and it really does feel like it.

Favorite Villain: Technically my favorite villains are the Dark Kingdom from the anime's original season, but across the whole franchise I have to go with the Black Moon Clan.

Despised Villain: Queen Nehelenia from Sailor Stars. An offensive, contradictory rewrite of what was previously among the anime's best villains. Let's pretend she never happened, 'K?

Favorite Episode: Episode 24 of the original season. The show taking an unrepentant villain and still allowing him to rediscover his humanity and find a measure of redemption by sacrificing his life for another blew me away when I first saw it as a kid. This episode and all the ones leading up to it marked the point where a really good show became a great one.

Despised Episode: Episode 22 of Sailor Stars. The Sailor Starlights reach the absolute pinnacle of unlikability in their hypocritical attitude toward discovering the Senshi's identities, and then Sailor Aluminum Seiren is killed off in a cruel, mean-spirited way that we end up with no emotional catharsis over later. At this point, it just didn't feel like Sailor Moon to me.

[lucifersresources]

pale waves // unwanted rp lyrics meme.

edit/alter/change pronouns etc as you see fit!  

lies.

you called it love but it never had that feeling.

you ripped out my heart.

do you feel happier yet?

do you say some things you regret?

i'm feeling better alone.

you messed me up.

can't take those stabs in the back.

i'm in over my head.

i'm so over you.

all your lies, they just caught up with you.

i'll forgive but i won't forget.

we all make mistakes but yours, i just can't shake.

unwanted.

you're so good at making me feel like nothing.

you're so good at making me feel unwanted.

my distorted view on us is starting to get too much.

you don't love anybody.

your silence fills the air.

why did you keep me hanging on?

i'd never fit your perfect life.

i'm nothing but a goodbye.

the hard way.

i could tell you were good at hiding your pain.

i saw your heartache.

i stayed away.

i didn't protect you.

i just assumed that you were okay.

i learnt the hard way.

you left us too soon.

they took all your power.

it's haunting me.

why does someone have to lose?

jealousy.

jealousy is haunting me.

so bad at biting my tongue.

wish you were mine.

don't mention any other name that doesn't sound like mine.

i'll never be replaced.

i satisfy.

i won't pretend and i won't apologise.

i gotta have you to myself.

why would i want anybody else?

you think i care at all?

you know you infect my soul.

i can't change your past.

alone.

i've heard a lot of things, you and your reputation.

it's the furthest thing from love.

go to hell.

i'd rather spend my entire lifetime alone.

you'd be an ultimate waste of time.

i feel your desperation.

will somebody put me out of my misery.

you've already come undone.

clean.

you're underneath my skin.

show me what i've been missing all of this time.

i just can't get enough.

you're the one drug that i don't want to get clean from.

is it too soon to say that i'm falling?

i can't get off of you.

i'm hooked.

i don't really care if it's my fault.

without you.

it's no fun to stay the same.

you get hurt, then you learn.

feels like a piece of me is missing.

i don't know how i'm supposed to feel.

you're not here anymore.

i'll learn to carry on without you.

all i have is these memories to get me through the night.

i fought my best but never won.

i tried to make you stay.

was there something i didn't say?

i survived somehow.

only problem.

you can call me naïve for hoping you would fix me.

i'm foolish to believe you could pick up the pieces.

there's nothing left.

maybe you're the only problem.

it's time to let you go.

i can't help but to think of you now.

every bad thing i would do, it was always with you.

the problem wasn't me, it was you.

you're so vain.

i'm gonna bring you down.

i've tried my best to bite my tongue.

i've listened to your shit for far too long.

you'll get what you deserve.

if you could, you'd go and marry yourself.

you're so vain.

when you open up your narcissistic mouth, all you do is let me down.

you think you're always right.

you think that you're perfect.

putting up with you was never ever worth it.

you're blinded by your own vanity.

reasons to live.

i'm gonna stay this way.

i hit rock bottom.

you picked me up when i was down on the floor.

you showed me how to love myself a little more.

how am i supposed to breathe when i feel this fucking weak?

you are the medicine to get me by.

you are the therapy to ease my mind.

you catch me every time.

numb.

i don't think i'm going anywhere.

i'm too numb to even care at all.

happiness is something i can't find.

there's gotta be something more than this.

i can't even run away.

act my age.

when did everything start falling apart?

where did all the time go?

thought those times would last forever.

better get my shit together now.

wish you were still around.

memories fade.

guess i'd better act my age.

nothing's making sense.

they say that youth is wasted on the young.

so sick (of missing you).

i'm so sick of missing you.

i don't know how we lost control.

you gave up on us.

without water, the flowers don't grow.

you didn't even notice me.

didn't know that you could be so fucking cruel to me.

it's not surprise that you just don't care.

you were never mine.

i tell myself that i'm getting better without you.

loving you is something that i don't wanna do.

[coffee-without-anesthetics]

okay so it took a bit but @eshtaresht here be the post about ULTRAKILL

general info sources: - the miraheze wiki (click) - the main dev's twitter (click), the official twitter (click) - the youtube channel (click) - soundtrack on spotify (click) + a few tracks in the game are also from other people so here's one (click), two (click), three (click) of them - the speedrun.com page (click)

for a rather chill blind playthrough there's mythymoo, with minimal editing - playlist link (click)

the lore is. uh. it's more of a "you got out of your way to learn it" than "it's brought before your eyes to observe", and the way i ended up learning most of it is through watching people play, reading tumblr posts, watching some more gameplay and speedruns etc. you learn as you go basically

there's marcomeatball who i am in the habit of watching who does live music reactions, he's great - here's the playlist (click) of his ultrakill related videos here's (click) one of the voice actors playing the game while having a live2d model of the character he voices

i'd recommend max0r's stuff because he contributed a lot to popularizing the game (and i find him funny), but watch those when you're a bit more familiar with what goes on since he "explains" everything mostly using memes (or you could watch them first thing for An Experience) also, warning for flashing lights, hell of a lot of flashing stuff. it's an epilepsy rave. it's very heavy on both the visuals and the audio - part one (click) - part two (click)

a few video essays: - Ultrakill Act I: Infinite Hyperdeath Review - The Future of Violence (click) - Ultrakill Has the Best Soundtrack I've Ever Heard (click) - Ultrakill and Doing FPS Games Right (click)

for the latest Violence layer (the one with the minotaur i told you about), i've watched this guy : - full stream (click) - edited version (click)

and for last, a few tumblr posts about: - gabriel's character arc (click) - why the transgender community loves it (click) - character parallels (click) - the terminals (click)

and as always, feel free to ask for clarifications, additional info or whatever fancies you.

[illwynd]

Tag people you want to catch up with/get to know better

Tagged by @gorgeousgalatea :DDDD! Ty!!

Last song: uhh the last one I was specifically intending to listen to, rather than just happened to hear in passing, was all of Dwarrowdelf's album Of Dying Lights, because I spotted it at the metal swap meet yesterday and was tempted to blind-buy it on a hunch but I always hesitate to do that with black metal (gotta at least do a cursory search for shadiness). However, nothing unsavory turned up and I liked the sound, and also I really appreciate when a band that has named themselves after something from Tolkien actually uses those themes in their music. Amon amarth I love you but why is a viking-themed melodeath band named that. Anyway, Dwarrowdelf. Pretty nice.

Last film: Last one i actually paid attention to was the rewatch of Pontypool the other night. I do really like that flick. I've watched a metric fuckton of horror movies in the last month or two and really good horror stands out all the more.

Current/last read: I bought JMS's Becoming a Writer, Staying a Writer a while back and hadn't had time to get to it, but I threw it in my bag today and I'm really enjoying it so far. I despise most writing advice books, and there are only a handful of writers who I might trust enough to give it a chance. But his perspective feels actually helpful to me. I also have recognized a few anecdotes and thesis points from when i went to his panels last sdcc lol.

Currently watching: the moon outside the train as we roll into the desert. If you ever have a chance to get your own room on a multi-day train trip, it's so worth it. Even the tiny little budget room... so cozy. Imagine lying sprawled out on an actual bed, closed off by curtains in your own private nook, being lulled by the rocking of the rails. The romance of the train is still alive. I wonder how far we'll get before morning.

Current obsessions: I have a few things sort of orbiting in my head, sparking off each other. I've been studying some old interests again, historical linguistics, human prehistory, etc., and it's getting to be acorn season, and I picked up my bow for the first time in ages and found that I could shoot better than i remembered, somehow, and i acquired a bunch of old books on carding and spinning and dyeing wool, and I've also been realizing some parts of me that got worn away by tough times in my life, some of which I'd like to get back, and some things i never picked up on before, and... I don't know what it's all going to form, in the end, but I feel like something is going to arise and I'm just trying to leave it space to do so. I feel like Delirium: "what's the word for things not being the same always?"

Tagging (if you feel like it!): @rynfinity @hechizero-emplumado @morganeashton @philosopherking1887 @pyrebomb @actuallyvady @rabidfirefoxfan @rollychan @obligate-rebel @seamayweed and uhhh anyone else who wants to do a meme rn :]

[haissitall]

overall thoughts about the country girls i've been drawing sometimes

what is this?: country humanizations with focus on Russia, America and China. tagged "nothetalia", ie "not-hetalia". maybe i'll come up with a better name one day

the overall concept: it's focused on international politics, so the characters' behavior is more alligned with their country's behavior on the world stage rather than with national stereotypes. modern-day focused. the characters exist on another plane of reality, so they can do magic, turn into animals, change appearances and undergo mitosis (about this later)

the design philosophy: all of them are women, no exceptions. because of the political focus, their clothes tend towards "business casual" to reflect that. sometimes inspiration can be drawn from the looks of prominent female politicians of a country. most of the times it's taken out of my ass and based on vibes.

the mitosis thing: because the characters are on another plane of existance and have to reflect political reality, they are very... fluid. for example: if a country is divided by civil war, then it gets split into two characters with the same face, same memories and even a mental link akin to telepathy. if they grow apart further, the link can get weaker to the point where it's almost entirely broken, and the twins are very much separate entities. an example of such separation: Britain and America (America started off as Britain's "double" so they still share a face and some physical features. i think they still share a mental link of sorts.) the characters can sometimes refer to their relationships as familiar, but it's very arbituary. America and Britain switch between calling each other "sisters" or "cousins", and Russia would think about the Union as her (late) mother (although technically current Russia is her "double" with the same memories and arguably the same-ish "consciousness", whatever that means)

relationships which interest me the most:

Russia & China: they have these vibes of "we are adults. we know love doesn't exist. we know we can't get attached. Healthy Distance, ok. not like the last time. this time we're sooo careful." i explored a very optimistic outlook on this dynamic in this fic. being so different means both some inevitable mistrust and an actually smoother dynamic where there's, like, less to argue about. i think they're very complimentary in essence. when China speaks Chinese and Russia speaks Russian, they understand each other perfectly. but only when they're drunk.

Russia & America: you know it's a great dynamic when in the "you're not rocking with me!? im gonna kill myself" meme each of them can be both the one breaking up and the one threatening to kill herself. (although im of the opinion that it's America who's responding to the break up text, but that is debatable.) i explored their dynamic a little in this and this fics. i think they're on the stage of very personal and visceral hatred and you cannot have them in the same room like two territorial and agressive cats

Russia & Germany: Germany refused to have friday beers with Russia so for a while she walked back and forth outside of Germany's window like an impatient tiger in a cage. Germany was too scared to tell her to leave so she just quietly closed the blinds

USSR & East Germany: im a bit insane about them tbh. i once saw a picture from i think better call saul (i haven't watched it, full disclosure) where he and his love interest lie in bed together but they're both dressed in business attire? yeah like this is their dynamic. but they're in military uniforms.

honorable mentions i'd like to think about more in the future:

America & Britain: i feel like they have something very messed up and entertaining going on Russia & India: a lot of wholesome potential. Russia & Iran: united by love for the geranium flowers Russia & North Korea: Russia appearing out of nowhere like heyyyy so, still friends, right?)) and Korea is like uh-huh. "welcome home cheater" vibes. Russia & Turkey: they're friends. they hate each other. they know the other very well. the most toxic and duplicitous "friendship" in the world and that's why it can be so fun