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chilledplantmum · 4 years ago

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In 2017 I moved in with my partner of 7 years we built the house from scratch with a ‘gift’ from his family of 30,000

We moved in and the violence started and escalated I developed an eating disorder and I was held at knife point and guilted into sex everyday and if refused it would be 3 days punishment of silence.

I would come home exhausted from full time work everyday and have to undo all the mess that man had left and he would say you need to keep on top of the chores I don’t have any underwear left.

My job at the time was a social worker with the homeless in st kilda where I received death threats regularly and tried my best to stop people over dosing or trying to hurt themselves.

An ambulance or police attendance was not foreign everyday was a fight to help others at the detriment of my own mental health.

I couldn’t not count how many people thanked me for stopping them from suicide or overdose.

The day I left I was verbally assaulted and threatened with death on my way to work.. I ran to my workplace in tears and they said take the day off and said that I would have to use my sick leave as it happened on the way to work.. this was confirmed by work cover calling to see if I could make a claim...

I left shortly after and then the man I was with started financially abusing me all the money in our joint savings account was disappearing in the thousands he claimed it was $1000 for our electricity bill which was my fault as I never turned the lights off....

He brought himself a brand new car which cost $25,000 and we remortgaged the house to pay it off, he stole my credit card and maxed it out...

He then got into a car crash with my personal car wrote it off and got a loan for a new one for me in his name with the deposit coming from insurance...

He then started suffering severe mental health and would often call me at work saying he had cut his legs open and needed me to take him to hospital...

I begged the outreach team to take on his case they refused as he was ‘fully functional’ in his face to face appointments.

I started finally working at a new job with youth services working to reduce juvenile offending and since I started I kept over 40 young people out of the criminal justice system and 90% surveyed that has interactions with me their mental health and self esteem improved.

I then being financially independent as tired of the abuse from my ex partner which had only escalated to more violence threats and sexual assaults which then turned into him denying they ever happened.

The day I packed up and left was the day he hit me across the face and seconds later said it didn’t happen.

He threatened to kill himself if I left and I said I just couldn’t do it anymore so he took my car and said you’ll never see me again...

I called the police and told them what was going on and they said they’ll do a search and put out a report and did a welfare check on me and said would you like to file an AVO I said no as if he’s still alive it would just put me in more harms way.

The psych team called me 4 hours later and said do you know this man and I said yes and they said we have no beds can you take him home?

I said no he longer has a place to come too and I’m moving in to crisis accommodation.

They asked me to pack him a bag of clothes and said I could drop it off at the door but the psych team made me drop in his room and I’ll never forget the death stare he gave me.

So I put the house on the market and just as I was about to sell it he said he would not sign the contract unless I gave the 30,000 back that was stated in the stat dec it was a gift so he could not do this... I called a lawyer while at work and they said I was entitled to the money but the cost of fighting it would see me lose any money I was able to get to move out.

So I signed it gave it back the house was sold and in the new property I made a deposit and my mum gave me the missing bit of money I needed to get over the threshold for the deposit and to reach 95% of the loan.

I collected all my things and moved everything myself with the help of a amazing moving company.

I was still working full time but the mortgage was still a bit unmanageable so I rented out 2 rooms of my 3 bedroom unit.

I didn’t over capiltilise I chose the smallest unit that worked for my lifestyle.

6 months after I moved in and had still been working full time I had 3 mentally ill youths on my 20+ caseload, they all attempted suicide and I spent weeks taking them in and out of hospital and then when another youth was caught and put in custody for a long sentence for shoplifting at 14. I made sure all my kids were safe went home and tried to take my life. I survived luckily and spent 2 weeks in the John cade ward.

While I was in hospital my roommates trashed my house and when I finally got home my house smelt of weed and urine I asked them to leave and stayed at my mum’s with my dog for awhile.

I got back to work 4 weeks later major exhaustion and depression setting in and the first symptoms of a major disability and health crisis to come.

After a year on my own and working to pay as much of my mortgage off as possible. I finally met someone 2 months later I was diagnosed with osteo arthritis and burstitis in both hips and the exhaustion was never ending.

I started a new project as I had become a senior member of the youth work team, I was working towards a community project with refugee and at risk youth communities to get feedback for how to improve youth services to reduce youth offending in the melbourne west community.

And then the workload doubled the pressure was intense and the long hours with my mental and psychical health declining for a mystery cause that lead to a few close calls on the way home in my car from work from exhaustion to the point of nearly falling asleep at the wheel.

Being on call to some of the more severe youth cases was becoming too much and lack of support from child protection and other gaps in government funding with an over saturation of punitive measures for youth I ended driving myself to hospital Emergency after a confrontation with my superior.

After that I felt like a complete and utter failure fighting for kids that were just abused and neglected and I couldn’t help them.

My family finally had to beg me to let go of working for the sake of keeping me alive.

My new partner moved in and then coronavirus lock down began in Victoria. We had an unsuspected surprise that I fell pregnant and I was so happy, I had a very sick and prolonged health crisis in pregnancy and in august at 22 weeks I had a severe infection we lost our son and I ended barely surviving in ICU including not having any visitors besides my partner for 2 hours a day once a day due to covid hospital restrictions.

After the still birth I came home and was still suffering extreme pain and was refused care by the hospital and I was making it up.

I went private and was found to have retained infected placenta. I had another round of the strongest antibiotics available.

Shortly after I had been referred to a private rheumatologist and not only was a I diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis it was found I had juvenile arthritis my entire life.

I then lost my uncle and could not attend the funeral again because of covid stage 4 lockdown.

I struggled through the Christmas period staying locked down due to severe pain even though lockdown had been eased.

I finally succeeded to apply for the disability support pension as I knew I could not pay my mortgage when the corona virus supplement had ended and motherhood was not an option until remission occurs as my disability had gotten so severe my partner had become my full time carer. He also was approved for the carers payment to care for myself and my disability.

I was knocked back not for the reason of missing the points or stabilization of my condition as I had both. It was rejected on the condition of that had not been in a program of support long enough.

The mortgage payments are due to start back this week and we will survive but not comfortably as my walker has broken and I was rejected for NDIS support due to ineligibility for not being disabled enough. So I will have to either wait another month for the appeal process or self fund a walker. Meanwhile not being able to access the community due to lack of accessibility.

This week has been breaking point as my job provider called and said I had been transferred to the DES and would need to do 18 months of job searching even though my hands are now cramped everyday and are starting to deform from overuse, inflammation and rheumatoid arthritis degeneration. The inflammation is causing severe aphasia daily and my carer now has to take all calls from DES and CENTRELINK as I just have a panic attack on instant call dial and pick up.

The fact that I was told if I do not attend an appointment if I was too sick I would have my payments suspended.

I also have just been rejected from the DSP from the second time and now I haven’t checked but legally I cannot work from my Total and permanent disability approved claim however having been rejected by my DSP claim and having to apply for 8 jobs a month as a administrative process however I’m terrified of being sued from the insurance company as I have been deemed unable to work.

Today I am contacting the tribunal today hoping for updates.

#my story #story time #domestic violence #mental health #awareness #survivor #victim

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suchawonderfullife · 7 years ago

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5 months post treatment: given the all clear, back to work and future plans!

I haven’t updated for a while but I’ve got lots of positivity to share. I’ve attached the above photo because of the truth in it. I don’t mean it in a egotistical way, but for those who know my journey and how far I have come, I want that to inspire others to never give up on recovering their health. I truly believe our bodies have the amazing ability to heal themselves, just as mine has done. That doesn’t mean the way I recovered my health will work for you, but it’s about finding the right combination of things that your body needs to trigger that healing.

I would also like to add the importance of not taking a doctors words or advice as gospel. My CFS Specialist (whom I hold in very high regard) told me that I would be lucky to reach 50% health and that would be as good as it’ll get for the rest of my life. Boy was he wrong. My Hansa dr and Osteo in Melbourne have opinions on treatments that I disagree with, so I do my own research and make up my own mind. You know your body better than anyone and in buddhism we are taught that “what you believe to be true, the opposite of that is also true, depending on time, place and circumstance.”

Here is where I’m at:

CURRENT LEVEL OF HEALTH/CURRENT TREATMENT I would say I’m at around 80% health now. Upon my first visit to Hansa almost 1 year ago, I would have said I was fluctuating between 40-60% health. My health is far more stable and consistent now too. I’m still on all my Hansa remedies and I could potentially be on them for another year. It’s really up to me how long I take them for. I feel worse on treatment because it is still doing stuff. On the days I don’t take treatment, I pretty much feel “normal.” Treatment can affect my mood and bring on depression, anxiety, anger, mood swings, along with physical symptoms such as nausea, fatigue, insomnia, organ pain and more.

I received some really good news from my Hansa Dr the other day. I sent him an email, enquiring about coming back for a third round of treatment in November this year. He responded that due to my current level of health, it is not recommended that I return, unless I start going backwards. He said at 80% health there are things I can now do at home to bridge that gap, rather than travelling all that way for such extreme treatment. I honestly cried when I read this. It was confirmation as to how well I really was doing and that all my hard work has paid off. I have worked really bloody hard to get to this level of health. Treatment is not easy, but neither is being sick. I truly believe that I can heal my body by implementing other strategies on my own now too.

Something amazing that happened 2 months ago, is that I was well enough to drive 8 hours to Canberra for my brother’s wedding. In the 9 years he’s lived there, I’ve never been well enough to visit him, not even to get on a plane. I drove the entire 8 hours by myself and spent a whole week surrounded by family, driving around, attending my brother’s wedding and then having to drive home. It was a massive achievement which boosted my confidence in knowing my body can now cope with something of that magnitude.

MENTAL/EMOTIONAL HEALING Something I still need to work on is releasing anger from my body. I read a book that explains the way you react to current circumstances is an indication of the emotions trapped in your body. I react very easily to situations with anger. I’m angry a lot and I’m very aware of it. I will do some more EMDR sessions but I’m hoping to find another method to help release these emotions from my body as they serve me no purpose.

Healing your mind I believe is big part of helping your body heal. Before leaving for Hansa I made sure I changed my attitude towards illness. I wanted to do all I could to detach from having an illness as part of my identity. My fear was that I subconsciously attached to my illness and my brain would not want to let go of that “story.” I really think I’ve detached from that way of thinking. I no longer say “I have Lyme Disease” or “I’m being treated for Lyme.” Anything that associates an illness with part of who I am, I will do my best to not verbalise or think. I will say to people if it comes up “I’m having treatment.” If they ask what for I would say “Lyme Disease.” But that doesn’t attach it to my identity in the same was as saying “I have/I’m being treated for...” I don’t follow any Lyme groups on facebook. My dad was sending me emails about updates on Lyme research in America and I asked him to not do that anymore. I honestly don’t want to associate with it at this time because it serves no purpose to my recovery. I would much rather have the thoughts of feeling well and living a normal life than having a constant reminder of my past or something I am trying to heal from.

Our brain is a huge contributor to whether we stay stick or get well. Dr Jernigan wrote an article about it. Our brain creates certain pathways of wiring that can either promote illness or heal it (that’s my understanding) and I do not want to feed those pathways or thought processes that hold onto any illness or poor function. That’s why I’ve become so mindful of my thinking and the words I speak.

I have also removed toxic people from my life or I stay away from those I feel have a bad energy or do not serve a positive purpose in my life. I had friends who did not support my decision for treatment, who would ignore this huge part of my life and make it like the “elephant” in the room. When I’d bring this to their attention they would be dismissive or admit they don’t agree with my decision and the solution was to just not talk about. They’re not good friends. So I removed them from my life. Having these conversations wasn’t easy and I knew this conversation could break a friendship and end it. But I took that risk because I couldn’t live with the feeling their judgement or lack of support was giving me. It’s certainly hurtful when you care about these people, but letting go of things that no longer serve you is a part of life.

Knowing your worth and removing or distancing yourself from people who do not contribute to your wellness is important to recovery. At times I even removed my partners (adult) children from my life, because their behaviour was detrimental to my recovery and I didn’t deserve to be made sicker by anybody, regardless of who they are. I even broke up with my partner twice at the beginning of our relationship because his actions made me sicker and he couldn’t understand that. As much as I love him, I will always love me more and put my health first.

We can’t change people, so we have to set boundaries that put ourselves first. My health is the number 1 priority in my life, because without it, I have nothing. Anything or anybody that increases my suffering is not OK because I don’t deserve to suffer more than I already do (that’s the way I look at it).

RETURNING TO WORK That’s right, I’m working now. It was a very scary thing to do and took a lot of courage. Even just writing up a resume and applying for jobs was scary. The last time I returned to work, I relapsed 9 months later and was the sickest I’d ever been. There’s always the fear of “what if I relapse/What if I can’t cope?” I had no idea how much I could cope with. Then there’s the fear of an employer not wanting to hire me if I can’t work less than 20 hours a week.

I actually ended up with 2 jobs. One in hospitality at a function venue and one working from home as a content writer. In my hospitality job I found it hard at the start, carrying very large serving trays, on my feet for 8-10 hours a shift. My organs would ache and my muscles would be very sore the next day from using muscles I haven’t used in a very long time. My arms would be shaking with fatigue hours into carrying large serving platters and drink trays. But I proved to myself I could do it. In 1 week I worked 3 days straight, 22 hours total. My body recovered and I was ok after a day of rest afterwards. I’m still working on building up my strength when it comes to carrying large items for long extended periods. My muscles would have atrophied over the years I was bedridden and I’ve lost a lot of strength. But I’m proud of myself for pushing through my fears, trusting in my body and its abilities and not listening to the “what if’s”.

The content writing job started off hard as well. A few hours of writing and I would be incredibly fatigued. But the more I’ve done, the easier it has become. I see my brain as a muscle and mental fatigue is simply because my brain is not used to thinking in the way it needs to, to do that job. The more I do it, the less I feel fatigued and drained.

As I still have to do treatment and this makes me feel unwell. I feel I am now capable of working 15-20 hours in hospitality and 10 hours as a content writer per week. This is pretty huge, as a year ago I would have said I could work 5 hours one week and then not at all for 3 weeks and then maybe 5 hours again the week after that. Because my health was so inconsistent I thought: who would want to hire someone for one small shift a week, who would then need a week or 2 off inbetween in bad periods?

The bad experience I have had is that I got fired from my hospitality job. I was being bullied by one of the co-workers and when I brought this to the managers attention, she fired me (in a nutshell). This has triggered my depression and anxiety and significantly impacted my confidence. I’ve had to pick myself up and fight through all my negative feelings to look for a new job. The second I saw I was removed from the roster and had the intuitive feeling that I’d been fired, I went straight back to looking for work and applying for jobs. I’ve had 3 job trials and been offered a position in a venue similar to the one I was at. I’m still lacking confidence and feel anxious to work, which I never felt before this bullying and mismanagement experience. At my last job trial I dreaded going because I felt so shit about myself, I would rather stay at home and avoid any future rejection or bad treatment. We’ve got to push through these things though. I’m proud of myself for jumping straight into looking for more work and not letting my feelings dictate my actions.

FUTURE PLANS Now that I don’t need to return to Hansa if my health continues to progress, what shall I do? I’m very excited for my future. I certainly fear relapse but I think that if I keep doing right by my body, it should all work out. I will keep taking all my Hansa remedies for the foreseeable future. I believe diet will be a huge contributing factor to my recovery. I have started getting into fasting and incorporating a more plant-based diet. I follow Tyler Tolman and his philosophies on healing the body through diet and fasting. I watched many documentaries on the food industry and the Western Diet which opened my eyes on how to eat better to nourish my body. I hardly ever consume red meat, I limit my dairy and gluten intake, I cook vegan 3-4x per week, vegetarian 1-2x per week and other nights I eat chicken, pork or fish with a large array of vegetables. That’s just what I believe, I’m not saying it’s right for everyone and I’m doing the best I can with the knowledge I currently have. We can always continue to learn and better ourselves, which I will certainly do.

I have found local practitioners I can utilize to further my healing. A kinesiologist/naturopath that comes highly recommended from a friend who had Lyme and she helped bring him into remission, a neuro trainer who can (potentially) help reprogram the wiring in my brain, my EMDR practitioner and I’d like to try acupuncture and yoga. I want to get out in nature more, do more work on myself spiritually and like I said earlier, find some way to work on releasing my anger.

I’m naturally an impatient person and these things cost money and require time and energy, so it’s not something I can just jump right into. I’ve started planning how to get these aspects of healing integrated into my recovery and that’s a good first step. I’m doing the best I can with my current treatment and trying to be kind to myself when I have a bad day, don’t eat the right thing or worry I’m not doing enough. I’ve come a very long way and I’m proud of how hard I’ve worked to get to this point. Many people in my life have only known me as a “sick” person. My family and less than a handful of friends knew me before I became ill, so I’m happy that people in my life will finally see the real me.

I’m also ecstatic to prove all those who didn’t support or agree with my decision, WRONG. They can suck it and I get the last laugh :)

#hansa #hansa center #lyme treatment #treatment #lyme #Lyme Disease #chronic lyme #chronic illness #chronic fatigue syndrome

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ajay0250 · 10 months ago

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Shockwave Therapy Melbourne

Inner North Osteopathy, offers a standard course of shock wave therapy that involves three to four weekly treatments. This therapy is used in sports medicine for over 12 years. To know more call us at 03 9388 1735 to book your Osteo appointment today.

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garrythompson510 · 5 years ago

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#shoulder pain #melbourne osteopaths #osteopaths melbourne #melbourne osteo #st kilda osteopathy

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tyrobsx · 5 years ago

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OMT - Osteopathic Manipulative Therapy

#osteopaths melbourne #melbourne osteopathy #osteopath near me #st kilda osteopathy #osteo clinic melbourne #osteopath elwood

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miasneddon27-blog · 6 years ago

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Best Osteopathy Services Melbourne | Sports Osteopathy | ACAPC

ACPAC is the active practitioners in Melbourne. We provide best Sports Osteopathy, Clinical Relief & Kids Osteopathy services. We have qualified & experienced osteopaths who provide an excellent treatements to achieve your treatments goal. For details of Osteopathy Services in Melbourne, Call (03) 9088 4781 or visit https://www.theacpac.com.au/about-acpac-osteo/

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thegirlwhocouldntsitdown-blog · 7 years ago

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Welcome, pals/1 month till I leave Melbourne (17.07.2017)

Hello there! If you’re reading this, you’re probably familiar with who I am and why I am writing this. But if you’re not, here’s a quick little snippet of all that jazz:

My name is Ashley Apap, and I’m 22 years old. I’m a silly soul, improviser, writer and sausage dog enthusiast. Nothing makes me happier than connecting with others through humour and spontaneity, finding a way to be funny without being cruel. In exactly one month, I’ll be moving to Los Angeles on a 12 month working visa. 2017 has been a big year for me, not only because of my decision to make this move, but also because I was diagnosed with a mild connective tissue disease and have been dealing with severe chronic back pain. Full disclosure: I tend to ramble and write a lot, so bare with me.

Right now, three things are driving my life: travel, pain, and comedy. At times, they’re in a different order. Lately, pain has been my number one priority; managing it, lowering it, understanding it and trying not to fear the ways it will affect my life. For the next year, travel will definitely remain at the forefront of my mind; managing a budget, experiencing as much culture that is different to my own as I can, making new friends, learning new ways to be independent. In my opinion, I think comedy should be number one (but with the state of other things right now, it often falls behind, leaving me to feel agitated and unproductive). I want to make it more of a priority to take more improv classes, shoot short videos and sketches, see as many live shows as I can, integrate myself into the LA improv community, create a network of friends who understand and value my appreciation and love for making others laugh.

I could easily write these thoughts in my notebook, but I thought this would be a more personal and detailed way to share how I’m doing with my family and friends. When you’re on another continent, it can be hard to divulge how much or how little you’ve been up to when you call your parents. It can be exhausting to vocally explain the personality of a new friend you made. It can be saddening to tell your sibling “I miss you”, and then have to hang up because they need to go to sleep.

Once a month, I’ll be posting a detailed account of what I have experienced and learned in those four weeks - and it will be written up from the perspectives of the three things mentioned above: travel, pain, and comedy.

Here, a month before I leave, I still have a lot to do to mentally prepare myself for my departure. I’m immensely excited but also terrified, but I know that whatever happens will be worthwhile and important.

(I TOLD YOU I WRITE A LOT, I APOLOGISE AHHHHH)

So right now, here’s where I’m at:

TRAVEL: 3/10

- I still have quite a bit left to do. I’m not 100% about where I will be living permanently, as well as having not booked flights yet (will be booking standby flights to attempt to get upgraded). I’ll be going to NYC for a week shortly after arriving in LA, and I haven’t booked flights or accommodation for that either, which is immensely stressing me out. There are two things I HAVE booked, which I am VERY excited about. The first (which I booked about 6 months ago) is my ticket to see Dear Evan Hansen. I’m so goddamn excited to see Ben Platt spitting and crying and snotting on stage. Secondly, I just recently registered for 201 improv classes at UCB Sunset. Overall, I’m incredibly anxious leading up to the travel aspect of this trip, especially the fact that I’ll be leaving everyone I love/who loves me for an entire year (that’s been the hardest thing to deal with lately). One month to go and hoping to feel more excitement rather than nervousness soon.

PAIN: 4/10

- About 2 weeks ago I had my second round of injections to try to eliminate my lower back/left leg pain. Basically, I can’t sit down for more than 30 seconds-a minute without feeling incredibly uncomfortable pain across my lower back and down my left leg/left butt (the official name is now left butt, guys). This pain has been consistent for the past 8 months and rigorous physio, osteo, sports medicine exercises and naturopathy have all been implemented, but have sadly failed. So I was given cortisone injections into my L4-L5, L5-S1 discs (I have 2 slipped discs) via epidural 6 weeks ago, which didn’t work. About 2 weeks ago I was given cortisone injections into my sacriolitic joints, which also haven’t worked - so in other words, excuse my French, but I’m fucked. I’m seeing my sports medicine specialist tomorrow, so hopefully there will be something that can be done before I leave to relieve the pain. On the bright side, I’ve managed this pain fairly well by standing at every opportunity, but it can be really tiring when I can’t do things I enjoy like going to the movies, or you know, sitting down after standing all day. But the reason this is at a 4 and not a 2, is because I think my psoriatic arthritis medication (Plaquenil - used for autoimmune/connective tissue diseases) has begun to kick in. So although my back pain may be looking like it’s semi-permanent, my joints aren’t as swollen and painful, yay!

COMEDY: 6/10

- I’ve been feeling pretty good about comedy lately. I’ve been writing lots and keeping on track with what I’ve been working on lately, and I’ve been doing two improv shows a week over the last few weeks. I’m still not performing at the best of my abilities, and I wish I could see more shows to a) support my incredibly talented and hilarious friends by watching them from the audience and b) be around laughter and spontaneity more. Because I can’t sit down for long, I have to choose wisely when I actually do sit, so most of the sitting in one day has to be factored in for driving. I don’t live nearby The Improv Conspiracy Theatre, so I usually have to drive in, meaning that by the time I get there, my leg is completely numb and my back is too sore to stay and watch a show after I’ve performed. I often feel like I’m letting my friends in the community down by not watching them play, so I want to somehow work that into my last month in Melbourne, and find a way to make watching more shows here a priority.

I hope whoever the hell is actually reading this (probably just my mum, hello mum), I hope you’re having an excellent day/night/existence! I’ll see you here again in a month (mum, I’ll see you in the kitchen in approximately 26 seconds).

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