#medschoolishell

[medsurvival]

Today, we were supposed to learn about clinical presentations of hematologic disorders. The teacher came in, looked at us and told us he was not going to teach that. We were really confused until he opened a slide labelled clinical reasoning. He then explained that as 4th year medical students 7th week into our internal medicine attachment, we were not ecxpected to know a lot.

"Just the principles," he said. He also told us the feeling of inadequecy and lack of knowledge we feel when our peers answered a question we were struggling to grasp or find the answers for was completely normal. "It's because they read a section you haven't read, there might be sections you read they haven't. Think of it that way."

The fact that he said that quelled my imposter syndome just a little. I felt as if I knew nothing when my classmates answered real head-scratcher questions on bedsides, rounds and classes. And that feeling had affected my study sessions because they made me feel it wouldn't bring any change in my knowledge and I wasn't smart enough for medical school. Maybe these things were also felt by them no matter how much I thought they were confident in their knowledge.

Anyways, he taught us how to take history, do a focused physical examination and form our diagnosis based on the pertinent information from that.

I only wish that we learned this at the start of the attachment because it would've been a great help back then.

[medsurvival]

For the first time in such a long time, I felt confident in myself today.🥰

We had OSPE (Objective structured Practical Examination) and skill laboratory exams today, and I left the exam halls feeling as if I crushed them both. I was right about one of them, and I am waiting for the results of the second one.

Feeling confident doing these exams reminded me of the feeling of excelling in exams. The rush was something I really missed. Honestly, it gave more motivation to study for my finals, which are in 3 days. I'm hoping to keep this motivation until the end.

In a completely unrelated topic, my boyfriend has broken up with me. The excuse he used was that he didn't have much time to be dating and that he needed the time for other things. Am I disappointed? Definietly. But, I am not going to brood over it and work on myself to be better. This was the last chance I was willing to give to having a relationship in medical school, and that's done for 😅

The general takeaway from this is, "Don't date in medical school." 😂