#meanwhile we can end up in so much pain from it that we can't sit upright

[thethingything]

I hate that every so often we'll get excrutiating abdominal pain specifically on the right side, and it matches descriptions of appendicitis pain alarmingly well, and we'll start to panic, and then every single time it ends up being our IBS, but like every time we're like "what if this is the one time where it actually is serious" because I know how many times we've had something seriously wrong end up being left untreated for way too long because we couldn't tell how serious it was

[rootspiral]

I'm curious if you have anything more to say on the fight at the start of ep8 between Agatha and Rio. Like, about anything, the face acting, why this was Rio's last straw, why Agatha was surprised it was Rio's last straw.. Or just how good they looked lol.

Fuck, am I really going through these scenes to screencap them again? I guess I am. Let's pretend it's an extra deep dive.

Agatha has just left Lilia behind dealing with the Salem Seven. She was acting super casual and unbothered with Lilia, but as soon as the door of the iron maiden closed and Jen started screaming, she bolted. And she's running now and she looks terrified, but of what? The Salem Seven killing her? Or Rio catching up with her now that more bodies are dropping? Does she feel particularly guilty about Lilia's death, after seeing her display of incredible power and grace in the trial? All these things together probably, and whatever she's running from, here is her face when she sees Rio ↑

Then she has to close her eyes and steel herself like we've seen her do so many times, she was completely unfiltered a moment ago, terror showing plainly on her face, and now she's trying to regain control, but notice how it doesn't quite work: she's too shaken and her true feelings are still showing. Also heartbreaking and maddeningly stupid that she feels the need to hide and posture in front of Rio who is just begging for the opposite.

It's also interesting that Rio, as angry as she is, takes the time to tell Agatha that the Salem Seven are dead and she can relax and stop running – at least from them. Despite putting on her angry face, despite being determined to confront Agatha this time, she still wants to make things easier for her too. But it's no coincidence that she mentions Alice and Lilia, we saw her reap Alice's soul at the beginning of the episode, and right here? She just reaped Lilia. Like, that literally just happened. And it's obviously affecting her. Add to it the whole issue with Billy and Agatha's general behavior, is it any surprise that Rio is upset?

The finger pointing, the pursed lips and strained smile. "Here you are, breaking rules and breaking my heart again. And here I am, letting you do it like the fucking loser I am." I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really like Aubrey Plaza's more subtle acting choices.

And the more she talks, the more Rio gets subdued. She stops acting menacing and scary and you can see vulnerability coming through. I know how you feel about him. I watch you just as close as you watch everyone else. This walk with another's woman son. This is Rio trying to keep it professional when it couldn't be more personal. She's hurt, she's jealous, she's lonely. Fuck, why can't Agatha acknowledge it?

Meanwhile Agatha is just fidgeting and grimacing and shaking and trying to deflect and run away from the conversation. Rio, even when she sets out to yell at Agatha, ends up trying to reach out and communicate and do the emotional work instead, she still wants this to work so much. Agatha won't let her. She won't move an inch.

You call what you did special treatment? Look at all that venom, dear lord. Here we have Rio practically begging Agatha to see things from her point of view, to at least try to understand. Agatha, in pure Agatha fashion, grabs her pain like a weapon and starts slashing. She's jealous of her pain, she protects it, she feeds it. It's what helped her survive. Carrying around those three swords in her heart is the only way she knows how to function, no matter how agonizing they are.

You know when a parent is trying to reason with a toddler, and they sit down at their little table and say stuff like, "I know that you're angry, but your words are making mommy sad," and the toddler inevitably throws a pen or yells or calls them names? And the parent just wants to slap that little shit, and it takes them a hot second to collect themselves? Yeah.

Unfortunately, despite her best efforts, Agatha is not a toddler and Rio shouldn't have to do this. It's undignified, it's unfair, it's too painful. Rio is supposed to be her partner, not a surrogate parent.

And Rio does collect herself, and she keeps trying. Look at her body language, she's leaning back, tentative, less intrusive. She did the same thing when she was trying to help Agnes, she pushed a little, and when Agnes recoiled she stepped back and regrouped. She's pretty much spoon-feeding Agatha at this point. "Okay, let's talk about the case" becomes "Okay, let's talk about Nicky. I know it's hard but I'm with you. One step at a time. I only need to figure out the best way to save you from yourself and then everything will be fine."

This is what Rio has been doing, watching Agatha and studying her, acting like a therapist, trying to ease her out of her pit of despair as Agatha yells and throws stuff at her. And what I find really poignant is that Rio is literally the physical embodiment of balance, but she's going against her very nature and putting Agatha before everything else, even herself. Rio loves Agatha that much. And it's wrong. It's not sustainable. No wonder Rio lashed out so spectacularly at the end of the episode, she needs to feel big after shrinking and shrinking and shrinking in front of Agatha.

And yes I still love that Rio the Agatha wrangler has managed to calm her enough to sit and talk. Defenses are tentatively lowered, Rio's plan for getting through that thick skull is going splendidly. Or not.

Agatha is not letting Rio have her way, not even for a second. She's going to make it as hard as she can. And like I said in my deep dives, despite all she is still expecting Rio to always come back, no matter how much shit she throws at her.

There is a lot to be said about the way Agatha is addicted to hurting people. It is an addiction, it's her main/only source of endorphins at this point. It makes her feel powerful and in control of the narrative. And it's a vicious circle, she punishes people so when they lash back she can go, "See? See? They hate me, I was right, I was justified!" Rio was only feeding that addiction by coming back over and over again to let herself be pushed around.

Hey, Agatha? You don't want Death to look like someone just kicked her in the stomach. You literally took her breath away, and not in the fun way.

You dumb fuck.

Wow, this is still really fun to do, despite it being maybe the two of them at their lowest.

You know what? If you guys want you can send some other scenes my way, especially from the first episodes because I didn't comb them that thoroughly. And Agatha's scenes in WandaVision too, I want to watch those again. But only one scene per ask, please.

[coyotelip]

starchaser microfic: nuts || @into-the-jeggyverse || wc: 638

“So how goes the honeymoon?” Sirius's voice on the phone is slightly interrupted by the poor connection, but unfortunately for Regulus, his words are understandable. 

“It would have been better if you hadn't reached me in the middle of the bloody ocean.” Regulus replies lazily, picking up another cashew nut from the platter next to his lounge chair. 

“Uh, what does Jamie do?” Regulus isn't surprised at all at how soon Sirius jumped to the topic of his beloved friend, it's even strange that it wasn't his first question.

“Why don't you ask him yourself?” 

“Well, he didn't answer my calls. I was starting to think that you are holding him prisoner for your sexual pleasures and want to break us up completely.” 

“Sounds like very accuratedescriptionof marriage, but, this is shocking to you, I didn't marry your best friend just for his huge d-” 

“Oh, stop it. Don't make me lie awake at night again with that horrible picture in my head. Better tell me how Italy is.” 

There's a splash of water and Regulus turns his head to see James climb out of the pool, ignore the towel and walk straight to Regulus, letting the water drip off him in heavy drops. 

“I don't know about Italy, but the ocean is... wet.” Regulus holds out his hand with the nut toward James, who has stopped at his feet. He bends down, a couple of cold drops falling on Reg's sun-warmed thighs, and the man wraps his lips around the nut and his fingers without breaking eye contact. 

“Oh, I wish I could be there, London is a pain in the ass right now with all this rain.” Sirius reminds Reg of himself on the phone. 

“Mmm.” 

Regulus's eyes are fixed on James's lips, and he doesn't let go of his fingers for a few seconds, but eventually the man releases them to ask, “Who's on the other side?” 

“Your ugly twin,” Regulus says with a smile, now running his free hand over the man's wet shoulders and hearing the unhappy exclamation on the other end of the phone.

“Oh, tell him I said hi,” the way James's smile has taken on a new bright glow at the mention of Sirius is a little annoying, but Regulus can't deny that he loves him to death even so. Regulus reaches for another nut so that he can touch James's lips again right now... not that he doesn't have every right to as his legal husband.

“James said hi,” he repeats into the phone, and meanwhile James sits on the edge of his lounge chair and strokes his bare legs with his wet hands, and his lips wrap around the nut and his fingers again.

“Ooooh, give him the phone, I miss him so much!” Sirius doesn't let him forget, but all Regulus' thoughts are now focused on the feel of wide palms on his lap and the seductive smile on James' lips.

“Argh, Sirius, I'm going to be honest. Right now I'm feeding your best friend nuts in a very homoerotic way and it's only a matter of time before we have gay sex right here on the lounger. If you're bored and miss him, I can keep you on the phone and do my best to keep his voice ringing in your ears, but I can't promise that it will be coherent words. The choice is yours.” Regulus is already in a sitting position and restrains himself from placing a deep, passionate kiss on James' lips. 

“Oh, bloody hell, you're going to drive me to my grave.” Sirius hangs up the phone without hesitation, knowing the rules of this game. Regulus always keeps his word. 

“All right,” Reg mutters under his breath, throwing the phone on the table and finally getting to the most important thing. 

[bunnakit]

last twilight e8 thoughts, feelings, and tears

ok i cried for like 10 minutes after the episode ended so forgive me if this isn't up to par of what i usually do. apparently i'm fragile today.

there was a lot i liked and didn't like about this scene. in the past we've seen Day cling to the idea that someday he'll see again, that this is all temporary. instead of reiterating that, instead of talking about the cornea transplant, he instead asks "what can i do?" it's such an insanely massive sign of his growth. i'm so fucking proud of him. it made me so fucking emotional because while he's still upset, he's still hurt, he's still angry, he realizes his reality and he's making steps to move forward with that.

what i didn't like about this scene was once again Day's mother acts like Day's life is ending. she's been the number one person to coddle Day and to reassure him of this surgery that may never happen. i know she means well but fuck. this has to stop.

i also fucking hated the doctor for this. Day isn't fucking dying, there's still so much he can do even once his sight is completely gone. sure, he'll have some limitations, i get that. i can't swim in the ocean or rivers anymore. that fucking sucked to learn right before going on my honeymoon to the beach. but you know what i could still do? walk across the beach to the little hidden tide pools, sit on the jagged rocks, and watch the crabs and fish and anemones and everything thrive in this tiny little ecosystem. it was still amazing and something i may not have done if not for my disease keeping me from going in the water.

we're limited by our disabilities but we aren't fucking dead - life goes on around us and we can either participate in it or wallow in our fate. i'll talk about this more later.

you can skip this next paragraph if you don't want to see me babble on another personal anecdote.

i will say i saw a lot of myself in this moment. something similar happened to me a few weeks ago. i learned my disability is no longer responding to the treatments and i'll have to have multiple surgeries next year to close some year old wounds and will probably need some skin grafts. my disease is no longer managed but once again getting worse. when the doctor told me i just nodded and discussed the game plan. meanwhile, my mom was heartbroken and kept asking if there was anything that could be done. (nothing that i'm not already doing.)

sometimes we just have to nod along and accept what's happening. we can cry about it and get pissed later if we have to.

ohhh there's so much i want to talk about here. Day's mom infuriates me, probably because she's the opposite of everything my mother ever was when faced with my disabilities. her constant refusal to address Day's blindness is so painful, as if it's somehow a reflection of him as a person or a stain. it's just a fact of life and her denial is doing so much more to hurt Day than to help him. as much as i hate it, though, it is realistic. it can be so hard for those close to us to acknowledge what's going on, especially when they can't experience it for themselves or they aren't around day to day.

which brings me to the part that frustrates me the most. i'm going to get REALLY personal here.

TW FOR SUICIDE AND MENTAL HEALTH ->

i'll put another message when this little anecdote is over so ya'll can skip to that.

i've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder since i was 15. when i was 16 i tried to kill myself. my mom didn't know until last year, but at the time she knew my depression was getting to a concerning level of bad. you know what she did? she quit her job. she made any sacrifice she could to stay home with me and make sure i was safe and felt heard and taken care of. granted, she wasn't a single mother at the time but we also weren't rolling in the money. my dad was a construction worker in the early 2000s when construction work was struggling HARD.

but that's what you do for your kids, that's what you do to take care of them and make them feel heard and loved and cared for unconditionally. my depression and desire to die wasn't a stain on who i was, it was my mind holding me hostage with no way out because they couldn't give me medication until i turned 18.

OKAY IT'S SAFE NOW ->

anyway, where i was going with that is that Day's mom, as a famous chef, clearly makes enough money to take time off work, to be there for her son, to stay home and make him feel loved and cared for. there's likely a lot going on on her end of being a single mother, of feeling like she needs to prove herself and show the world she can do this alone - but her son doesn't have to do it alone just because she wants to. he needs a support system and right now all he has is Mhok.

Day's anger is so real and so justified. he must feel abandoned by his mother, by the one person that should be there to comfort him and keep him safe. her love has become conditional on the state of his eyesight.

and then she tells him he can't go? he's not a fucking child. he's a full grown man and he was just told to do things while he still can see at least a little. i told my mom the exact part of the plot and her response was "well fuck her, he's gotta go." you're god damn right he does, mom.

everything Night does feels like repentance. i need know what the story is, i need to know what caused this massive fissure between them. i don't want to comment or speculate too much but at this point i can no longer condemn Night. he's trying, he's clearly trying so fucking hard, and he clearly has so much love for his brother.

and him giving Mhok money and letting him and Day escape because he knows Day will be happier? i really hope that is a step in the right direction of mending whatever was broken between them. there are only four episodes left and i hope bare minimum half of them deal with what is going on here.

The sea remains the sea. The sand remains the sand. The sky remains the sky. Though I can't see, everything remains the way it is.

and here we are. being diagnosed with a disability is a massive change in our lives, a huge hurdle we have to climb, but at the end of the day the world still turns, life still goes on, and we can either go with it or remain stagnant. this is the culmination of everything Mhok has shown Day. Mhok has constantly brought Day out to participate in life, to learn how to navigate the world that remains unchanged. while Day's world has changed it remains the same in so many ways. this is such a beautiful moment of acceptance and peace, of healing and moving past the hurt. once again, i am so proud of Day.

he's going to be okay.

i've seen others mention it but fuck this once again drove home how soft and caring Mhok is, something that's been so constant in this episode from his willingness to help Day, to the keychains, to the escape, and now this. this little act of asking for permission, of giving Day permission, of almost asking Day 'will you kiss me?' and then Day does. Day gives Mhok the first kiss initiated by him. until now it's always been Mhok but this time Day reaches out to Mhok in this gritty, sand filled kiss. (disgusting but still lovely)

and this really drove home how safe Day feels with Mhok. they're somewhere completely new and unpredictable but he suggests they drink and participate in the party - and i love that he doesn't ask for permission but rather says 'why not?' because Mhok has never made him feel like he needs to ask for things, not things he's fully capable of deciding for himself.

and they do! they act like the young adults they are and have an amazing night of just fun and laughter and love and i fucking love that for them. how many times have we seen Day get to act his age and be carefree? it's remarkably telling how free Day feels the further he gets from home, how free his love is when he isn't worried about his family. when he's away from home Day really becomes the sun.

(also i think i might make shirts like this with my husband as a fun activity because that's really cute.)

i'm fine, i'm fine, i'm fine. (i'm lying.) the amount of love they have from here on is almost palpable. the fact that Mhok takes the time to tell Day he looks good, that he's admiring him. fuck. it makes me think of just a bit before, where we see Day linger with his fingers against the mirror. Day hasn't seen his own reflection in over a year, he has no idea what he looks like anymore. he won't get to see the way age changes him, won't get to see the wrinkles and laugh lines form on his face.

but Mhok will be there to tell him, to say how handsome he is, and without fully seeing Mhok Day will know he is equally as handsome because he knows Mhok's voice, his character, and sure he knows what everyone has said about Mhok's appearance but who he is has always been more important.

and then for them to essentially say their own vows in the light of the setting sun? oh, my loves.

Day is starting a new chapter in the book of his life, a new chapter with Mhok and hope and confidence. he's taking back control and paving his own way and no matter what comes he'll face it head on.

i started crying here and didn't stop, P'Aof please i'm sending you bills not for my therapy but for all the water i have to buy to rehydrate myself from all my tears. once again, fucking hell i'm so proud of Day.

and he tells them to have a kid soon! so he can help raise it!! just like he'll probably help raise Porjai's kid. because he no longer sees himself as incapable, as someone unable to help. Mhok has shown him how capable he is, how much he can still do.

please allow me a moment to - AAAAAAAAA.

personally i cannot wait for all the gifsets we're going to see of this moment. they danced so perfectly together because they know each other. Mhok knows Day better than anyone else, they've gone through so much, and they move so intrinsically together. i'd say they know each other better than anyone else but there's still so much of Mhok left unexplored. there's so much Day still doesn't know, so much pain Mhok is still hiding.

i can't wait for them to truly know each other inside and out (not like that, but hey it looks like we're getting that next ep eeeyy)

i'm not really going to comment on the dad showing up at the end. i feel almost nothing about that, i'm just waiting to see how that turns out and reserving my opinions for now. (i had a shit dad, i'm a little bais.)

man, i'd hoped this would be brief with how raw i was feeling and how busy i am with work but GUESS NOT. thanks for reading as always tag loves: @nutcasewithaknife @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious

[try-set-me-on-fire]

AAAAAAHHHHHH okay I changed my mind the 'pretend they're not dating' idea please!!!

Hahahaha okay so I have like? Set pieces? That I plug into various aus sometimes? One of them is a specific burn injury of Eddie's (it's made an appearance in this soft prompt drabble which in itself is secretly part of proposal fic au). They're fighting a fire in a big building, the floor goes out from under him, he's knocked unconscious so can't move himself out of the flames and it takes a minute to get to him so he ends up with pretty severe burns on his arm and thigh, a little less bad on his side.

The concept for this fic is that he's laying in the burn unit really out of it and in excruciating pain and he begs for his mom and Buck, who is his emergency contact and power of attorney and who also has been his boyfriend for a while, is like fuck. Fuck. I have to call his parents. So Ramon and Helena, who Eddie is NOT out to and who have no idea how big a role Buck has in his and Christopher's life, come to town to help in his recovery. So Buck has to like sneak around his own life, like he's already living with Eddie at this point and his stuffs all over their house and Christopher treats him like a second parent because he is one and he sleeps in Eddie's bed and he has to find excuses for it all. I'm staying here because Eddie's hurt. I care for Christopher because me and Eddie are real good friends. Eddie can't move too well right now so I'm sleeping by him in case he needs help in the night, we all share a room in the bunks at work, ha ha.

So he's exhausted dealing with lying to Eddie's parents and also with Eddie's injuries and how much pain the love of his life is in (he usually changes the bandages but there will be a scene where Eddie asks Maddie to do it just to give Buck a break, which Buck later feels inadequate about) and of course he feels guilty that Eddie got hurt in the first place even if there's nothing he could have done, and like Eddie's parents aren't stupid it's pretty clear how much Buck loves their son and Helena confronts him about it and how she thinks he shouldn't be taking advantage of the situation to be close to Eddie like this and Buck doesn't know what to say because. Eddie never came out. He didn't tell his parents about them for a reason. So he doesn't even defend himself he just heads off to work and has a bit of a breakdown there. Meanwhile Helena is telling Eddie he shouldn't let his gay friend take so much liberty with him and Eddie damn near shouts the house down injuries or no, and is horrified that she might have said something like this to Buck, who he declares is his partner, who he loves so dearly, who he intends to marry some day.

And so Buck comes home to find Eddie's parents are at a hotel or Pepa's house or just somewhere not here for a little bit and they have some time to themselves and Eddie is getting better he's a little stronger now he's sitting on the couch and doing okay, they're going to be okay and he's sorry for whatever she said and he's sorry for what a mess this all is and Buck forgives him for all of it because it doesn't really matter as long as Eddie is alive and here with him.

But it does kind of matter, Eddie and Ramon have been really working on their relationship the last few years and Eddie is kind of shocked at how poorly Helena took this and he wants to like just talk to them. He'd love for them to be happy for him because this is the happiest he's ever been. He'd love for them to like Buck because he's here to stay for good. He was planning on telling them eventually and he expected better from them and he tells them that, and that they can still be a part of his life and he'd like that but they better be willing to accept all parts of his life. So they're still in town but they're at the house less and it's kind of weird and awkward and bad sometimes but Buck can stand up for himself a little more and Buck and Chris and Eddie can live their lives how they actually live them and Eddie's parents can see what a good life they've built here and eventually when they leave back to Texas it's not on the Best terms but it's not awful either. They'd like to come to the wedding, whenever that may be, if Buck and Eddie would have them there. Maybe they will. It's something they'll figure out together.

So yeah more emotional and physical meat grinder content from me your pal ahshshhs I just like drama! I like when people intentionally and unintentionally hurt each other! I like to stress poor Buck out!

[pbaz7]

so ur telling me not only is this story sad but there's no smut... author you play too much

as long as they end up together im fine its whatever

Sometimes, it’s about the fights, the moments when words fail, and the painful silence that surrounds all the things we’re too afraid to say.

no I disagree lets always be happy

The arguments, the jealousy, the misunderstandings, all became the backdrop for the truth they weren’t brave enough to confront.

oh homoerotic friendships how I hate you

2018 (DMV)

WAY back we go

Paige didn’t seem to follow any diet, didn’t eat any vegetables, and just consumed whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.

she's got the toddler diet

Why you beg me to come visit you then?”

CLOCKED

a different kind of warmth in the way they looked at each other.

who's the freaks know

“Wait, you actually want to talk to her?”

oh we've got some azzi jealousy here

Paige frowned a little confused now. “I mean… I don’t not want to.”

could you have said anything worse

Azzi let out a dry laugh. “Right. Best friend. Got it.”

STOP IT MY HEART

Azzi’s head moved toward her direction. “I’m not being weird, Paige. I just—” She cut herself off, exhaling before pushing her hair out of her face in frustration. “You don’t get it.”

oh my god we've gotten an azzi falls first for once

“because you don’t see the way anyone looks at you.”

SHUT THE FUCK UP

I hate the idea of you talking to someone else.”

at least she's honest

The lingering looks. The teasing that always felt a little too real.

well probably because it is babe

But then Paige kissed her.

well that didn't take too long at all did it

Finally, Paige let out a weak laugh. “Let’s just forget it.”

WHAT THE ACTUAL EVER LIVING FUCK HELLO YOU CANT JUST DO THAT AND THEN DO THAT RIGHT AFTER WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS NOT ALLOWED THAT IS LIKE RULE #1 IN DONT HURT WATERMELON ANON RULE BOOK WHAT THE FUCK

Just making out here and there, like something they could pick up and drop whenever they wanted.

just here and there! casually, as friends, of course!

Azzi turned her head toward the sound. “Damn. Someone’s popular.”

deja vu

New team, new people, new girls—”

can we STOP with this NONSENSE. yall are in love for gods sakes

Azzi raised an eyebrow. “You’re not shutting them down either, so you clearly want it.”

okay! anyways!

Paige sat up fully too, the ball rolling off the bed as she turned to face Azzi. “What you mean?”

you must be joking babe

“We keep kissing, Paige. We kiss a lot actually.”

excellent observation! there a question in there or...

“I just don’t get how you can sit here and act like none of it matters.”

CLOCKED SO HARD

Paige’s frustration spiked. “I never said it didn’t mean anything.” “You sure as hell act like it.”

AUTHOR I SWEAR TO GOD YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME IM ON MY PERIOD AND SENIOR NIGHT IS SOON IM TOO EMOTIONAL THIS SUCKS I HATE THIS

Having somebody, with no labels, to makeout with whenever you want is so fucking hard. Meanwhile, I’m the one sitting here wondering if I’m just another one of your little distractions before you leave.”

I THOUGHT I SAID STOP WHY IS THIS PAINFUL SHIT STILL GOING

Paige opened her mouth, but nothing came out. Because she didn’t have an answer—at least, not one that wouldn’t change everything.

then just say the one that changes shit... no one cares bitch just say it. im pissed off at all of you

Before she could stop herself, she was closing the distance between them, her hand gripping the back of Azzi’s neck as she pushed their lips together.

as much as I would LOVE to read this yall do in fact need to communicate!

Paige sighed. “I don’t know how to talk about this, baby.”

you can't call her baby and then refuse to talk about how you're in love.

I just—I need you Az. I need you more than anything and I’m scared that shit’s going to change between us, get weird and I can’t…I won’t be able to handle this without my best friend so I’ve just been—”

alright that's it. I'm done.

Azzi’s mom’s voice came from the other side. “Everything okay in there?”

not in the slightest

Azzi barely waited before she kissed Paige softly, melting into her.

so that is not communicating

Azzi exhaled harshly, staring straight ahead. “Go back inside, Paige.”

okay now ur just jumping the gun... she's famous of course ppl are gonna be trying to hit on her

Azzi scoffed. "No, you want to charm your way out of this like you always do."

azzi what the hell are you talking about rn

Paige’s chest rose and fell, her mind spinning, the alcohol making her words looser, her emotions heavier. “Azzi, I love you.”

no comment. literally not a single comment.

“You’re drunk. You’re just trying to make me feel better.”

AZZI SHUT UP

Paige stepped closer to Azzi, pulling her closer, thankful when she didn’t push her away. “Az, I swear to god, I love you.”

and here comes the tears. you can't do this to me when im on my period author

“I love your laugh so much,” Paige mumbled, her words slightly slurred. “Like, really love it. It’s stupid how much I love it.”

aww a glimmer of happiness and hope... i can't wait for it to be ripped away from me in the next scene!

“And your eyes.” Paige ignored her, tightening her hold. “God, your eyes, Az. You ever look in the mirror? Like, really look?

do you know how lucky you are to be simply in the presence of her

“No.” Paige pouted, shaking her head. “You don’t get it. You—you act like I don’t care, like I don’t see you, but I do. I see everything, Az.”

im gonna cry harder

Paige’s lips parted, and her eyes, though glassy, were full of something real. “Because every time I think about somebody else having you, getting to see the sides of you I see, I feel sick. Physically sick. And I know that’s selfish as shit, but I don’t care. I don’t want anyone else to have you, Az. I want you.”

ive erupted into sobs

And now Azzi is still here. Still wrapped around her, holding her like she didn’t want to let go.

still stayed. always will

“I missed you too,” Paige mumbled against her lips, kissing her again. “So much.”

I hate them

"So, are you single?”

my fist is... but it's about to not be once it find your face!

Azzi’s jaw tensed. “Right. Because you’re so single.”

if you wanted her to not be single that's something you should probably express...

Azzi’s jaw clenched. “You answered it so easily.”

azzi can u not

“Ten months ago, Az.” Paige let out a humorless breath, shaking her head. “I told you, and you didn’t say it back.”

ow. ow. ow. my heart

She doesn’t look at Paige when she finally breaks the silence. “Why do you never say any of this when you’re sober?”

she needs her liquid courage

You won’t tell me what you want. Just—tell me how you feel, Azzi. Please.”

asking the right questions for once

Instead, she pulls Paige toward her and kisses her.

wasn't it you who said just a year ago that this wasn't a valid thing to do during and argument

Azzi reaches for the hem of her shirt, pulling it over her head.

that is not a communication tactic!

She doesn’t need to say it. Not now. Not when she can show Paige exactly what she means.

see... I personally would feel more secure in a relationship with verbal communication... but you do you I guess!

“Let me know if you want to stop,” she whispers, hovering above her, eyes locked onto Azzi’s.

that's my top right there

Paige had always been the one who struggled with communication.

no way! I had no idea!

Just as Paige let out a small laugh at something the girl beside her said Azzi was next to her.

roles have changed very quickly here

Paige shook her head, “You’re such a fucking coward sometimes Az.”

DEJA VU IM SCREAMING STOP

Azzi’s eyes darkened and hurt flashed across her face before she said something she knew would hurt Paige. "Maybe letting you fuck me was a mistake."

okay so what the fuck

"Talk? Now you wanna talk? After you stood in there and called what we had a fucking mistake?"

va.lid.

"I do love you Paige."

took u long efuckingnough

"I don’t know how to do this," Azzi admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "I don’t know how to love you without losing myself."

then lose urself ho

Paige’s brows pulled together, her heart aching at the vulnerability in Azzi’s voice. "Azzi, I would never hurt you."

should we go back in the records...

"I pulled away because I love you too much. Because the moment I let myself have you, I knew I’d never want to let you go. I knew I wouldn’t be able to live without you and I didn’t know what to do with that."

I just wanna applaud this gorgeous writing like this is such a perfect encapsulation of unhealthy attachment

Paige reached up, cupping Azzi’s face, her thumb brushing over her cheek. "You don’t have to know what to do. You just gotta trust me Az. Trust that maybe we can figure it out together."

there's my girls

"I’ve always loved you. I’ve loved you since I was 15. I just didn’t know how to say it."

yeah... we know

"Then please don’t run this time. Just let me love you, Azzi—because I—I love you so much baby. And I’m sorry I didn’t realize as fast as you did. That I—"

tears are falling again

Loving each other was never the risk. Letting themselves be loved back—that was.

woah.

woah. woah.

gorgeous and terrifying.

author, you astonish me.

love you🥹

-🍉

could you have said anything worse

probably not 😭

oh my god we've gotten an azzi falls first for once

feel like i’ve never seen it

WHAT THE ACTUAL EVER LIVING FUCK HELLO YOU CANT JUST DO THAT AND THEN DO THAT RIGHT AFTER WHAT THE FUCK THAT IS NOT ALLOWED THAT IS LIKE RULE #1 IN DONT HURT WATERMELON ANON RULE BOOK WHAT THE FUCK

i’m sorry stink please forgive me

as much as I would LOVE to read this yall do in fact need to communicate!

lol this made me chuckle a little

aww a glimmer of happiness and hope... i can't wait for it to be ripped away from me in the next scene!

exactly !

DEJA VU IM SCREAMING STOP

so happy you picked up on it 🥹

then lose urself ho

oh ?!?

just wanna applaud this gorgeous writing like this is such a perfect encapsulation of unhealthy attachment

thank you ily so much 🥹🫶🏼

[princesssarisa]

"A Christmas Carol" Adaptations: Top 5 Saddest Versions of Tiny Tim's Death (long)

@ariel-seagull-wings, @cliozaur, @warrioreowynofrohan

Since the Christmas season is almost officially over, and my annual hyperfixation on A Christmas Carol will need to be paused for another year, I decided to make this post while I still can.

These are my votes for the five saddest, most poignant filmed versions of the vision in Christmas Yet to Come of the Cratchits mourning Tiny Tim's death. A scene which fortunately never takes place in the real world thanks to Scrooge's redemption, but which is still heartbreaking as the Ghost shows Scrooge what might happen.

Honorable mentions include the silent graveside scene in Mickey's Christmas Carol (Mickey Mouse crying – enough said), the similar brief yet touching graveside scenes in Scrooge (1970), A Christmas Carol: The Musical (2004), and Scrooge: A Christmas Carol (2022), and the scenes in the 1938 MGM film (mainly for the quiet yet deep grief Gene Lockhart's Bob conveys under the brave face he wears) and the 1999 TV film (mainly for showing Tim's body as Bob sits by his bedside, the first version since 1935 to do so).

Scrooge (1935) (Donald Calthrop as Bob Cratchit, Barbara Everest as Mrs. Cratchit, Sir Seymour Hicks as Scrooge)

This is the most complete rendition of the scene from the book, and it's well done. From the opening as Mrs. Cratchit leaves Tim's bedroom in tears, through the subsequent slow pan through the house's main room, showing the gloomy children and Tim's empty stool and crutch amid gentle music, the poignant tone is established, and it increases after Bob comes home. This Bob avoids breaking down in front of his family, but as he slowly walks up the stairs toward the bedroom, alone, he's suddenly overwhelmed and sobs into his hands. Then he slowly enters the candlelit room, where – in a rare touch that no adaptation would repeat until 1999 – we see Tim's body laid out on the bed in full view. Ever slowly, Bob approaches, sits down, and murmurs "My little child," then kisses Tim's forehead. The whole sequence, underscored by soft choral music, has an air of delicate grief and reverence, similar to the famous scene of Disney's seven dwarfs mourning for Snow White that would premiere two years later. It might seem almost mawkish by modern filmmaking standards, but in an unabashedly old-fashioned and stagy 1930s film, it works. Meanwhile, the unseen Scrooge utters the narrator's words from the book: "Tiny Tim, thy childish essence was from God!" The scene ends with consolation, though, as Bob goes back downstairs and tells his family about Fred's sympathy, then gives his speech about how none of the family will forget Tiny Tim (holding Tim's crutch as he speaks it), and they all gather warmly around him. Dickens would have approved of a scene so faithful to his writing.

A Christmas Carol (2009) (Gary Oldman as Bob Cratchit, Lesley Manville as Mrs. Cratchit, Jim Carrey as Scrooge)

This CGI motion-capture film gives Tiny Tim the short shrift as a character, but it makes this scene effective through its portrayal of the family's raw grief and of Scrooge's horror at what his selfishness has caused. Whether to keep the scene fresh or due to changing social mores about grief, there's much less emphasis than usual on the family trying to be cheerful and hide their pain for each other's sake, and more open emotion. Most of the scene shows the Cratchits at a distance, without close-ups, but the pain can be heard in their voices: Mrs. Cratchit is crying, the daughters are crying, and even teenage son Peter is just barely restraining his tears. Then when Bob arrives, he makes only a brief, feeble attempt at cheerfulness before breaking down sobbing "My little child!" in anguish. Then comes the unforgettable moment, which takes full, rare advantage of the fact that the Cratchits can't see or hear Scrooge: Bob wanders to the stairs, where Scrooge is sitting, and unknowingly on Bob's part, the two men come face to face. Scrooge is horrified by the sight of Bob's exhausted, red-eyed, utterly broken face staring into his own. He longs to comfort him and apologize for failing to save Tim, and chokes out "Bob!" in an anguish-soaked voice – that single syllable may be Jim Carrey's best acting in the film. Yet Bob walks straight through him to go up to the bedroom, where we see just the shadow of Tim's body cast on the wall by the candlelight as Bob sits down and sobs at his bedside. Without losing Dickens' gentle touch, this is probably the most raw rendition of the scene.

A Christmas Carol (1984) (David Warner as Bob Cratchit, Susannah York as Mrs. Cratchit, George C. Scott as Scrooge)

This rendition of the scene is slightly more subdued than the above two, but its "tenderness and depth of feeling" (in the words of this version of Scrooge) stand out all the same, chiefly thanks to the acting of David Warner and Susannah York. As portrayed by York, Mrs. Cratchit is clearly the family's pillar of strength in this version, more so than in others; through her face is weary with grief, she restrains her tears – albeit not without a quiet struggle – and provides support and stability to her family. Meanwhile, Warner's Bob is warm and tender as always, and he tries to be cheerful, but his pain is closer to the surface than his wife's. As he speaks of visiting Tim's grave, he finally breaks down and weeps quietly into his youngest daughter's hair; then he tries to pull himself together and assures his family of how grateful he is to still have all of them, only to break down again while telling them about Fred's sympathy. But Mrs. Cratchit takes gentle command of the moment and encourages her husband: "Tim is part of all of us. For his sake, we must go on living. So long as we love one another, he will always be alive." Bob takes her words to heart, but he adds that surely none of the family will ever forget Tiny Tim, which the children all assure their parents that they never will. "I am a truly happy man" Bob concludes; despite the scene's sadness, we feel that he means it, with such a wonderful, tender family to support him through the loss and to always treasure Tim's memory. This scene stands out for the Cratchits' sheer warmth, tenderness, and quiet strength as they support each other.

Scrooge (1951) (Mervyn Johns as Bob Cratchit, Hermione Baddeley as Mrs. Cratchit, Alastair Sim as Scrooge)

This film is widely considered the greatest cinematic Christmas Carol, so naturally its version of this scene is especially poignant. It opens with a pan through the melancholy room as Peter reads a long passage from the Bible: not the Mark verse quoted in the book, but Psalm 91, which describes God providing strength and refuge. This change enhances young Peter's characterization, I think, showing his effort to support his mother and sisters through the tragedy. But he can only do so much, as we see Mrs Cratchit gaze mournfully at Tim's empty stool and crutch, and as their subsequent dialogue places Peter in closeup and makes his own grief for his little brother evident. When Bob arrives, the script departs from Dickens' dialogue as he tenderly describes his visit to the spot where Tim will be buried. He reveals that as he stood there, he seemed to feel Tim's hand slip into his own, and he felt comforted; he believes Tim's spirit was there, telling him that he's happy now and that the family must stop grieving and try to be happy too. But Mrs. Cratchit can only look at him with her eyes full of tears, and at the sight of her grief, Bob finally gives into his own. "Oh Tim! My Tiny Tim!" he sobs, burying his face in his hands. His wife kneels down and clasps him in her arms, and the scene ends as they hold each other in anguish. The musical score, with a gentle rendition of "Silent Night" underscoring Peter's Bible verse, and a slow version of Tiny Tim's theme – an innocent, music box-like tune – underscoring Bob's speech, adds greatly to the scene's moving effect.

And the #1 rendition of the scene:

The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) (Kermit the Frog/Steve Whitmire as Bob Cratchit, Miss Piggy/Frank Oz as Mrs. Cratchit, Michael Caine as Scrooge)

Maybe it's sacrilegious to give my preference to a version of this scene where the Cratchits are frogs and pigs. But somehow, the Muppets and Michael Caine give it a poignancy like no other. The Cratchits go through the same motions they did in Christmas Present – Mrs. Cratchit and the children busy preparing dinner in the kitchen, the children all hugging Bob when he arrives, etc. But instead of happily bustling around, Mrs. Cratchit is crying; instead of comically tackle-hugging Bob, the children hug him tenderly and sadly; and rather than from church, Bob has come from the churchyard. He reveals that he chose a gravesite for Tim "where he can see..." but then stops, and explains that it has a view of the ducks on the river, which Tim loved to watch. Kermit's Bob has no "My little child!" breakdown – true to Kermit's character as a leader, he stays strong for his family – but his grief is still very clear. Each time he says "Tiny... Tim," he struggles as if he can hardly bear to say his son's name. Meanwhile, Scrooge is distraught. "Oh Spirit," he pleads, "must there be a Christmas that brings this awful scene? How can we endure it?" Finally, Bob consoles his children, saying "Life is made up of meetings and partings, that is the way of it," and that surely they'll never forget Tiny Tim. The tone of delicate yet deep sadness is only enhanced by the score, which gently reprises Tim's song "Bless Us All" throughout the scene. At the end, the camera slowly zeroes in on Tim's empty chair and crutch by the fireplace, as a horn plays the melody of "And in our prayers and dreams, we ask you bless us all." Making this scene even sadder is its subtext for the Muppets: the recent deaths of Jim Henson and puppeteer Richard Hunt. Kermit/Bob's "meetings and partings" speech is easily just as much about Henson and Hunt as about Tiny Tim. For that reason and others, this has my vote as the most poignant filmed version of Dickens' sad scene.

[silvanoir]

All Pain No Gain

So! Went back to the hospital to follow up on my wrists, the bracers and steroid injections only gave me back the flexibility of my fingers, didn't take away the pain, numbness and tingling.

In fact its been spreading through my whole body, there's now not an inch of me unaffected.

I waited a month for this appointment. They told me they were going to do a nerve study.

Oh no, it was just a sit-down to give me a yellow paper with some phone numbers to SCHEDULE a nerve study.... the soonest they can fit me in is NOVEMBER *screams* and this is just the study, then five days later a sit-down to DISCUSS the study, and WHEN anything will actually be DONE about my body feeling both like it is constantly being electrocuted AND constantly exhausted to the point I barely function ???? WHO KNOWS!

While I was doing that my boyfriend went to the ER because his back pain is so bad he can no longer work. They did X-rays and found he has SEVERE SPINAL DISEASE and I'm no doctor so I don't know what that means for him exactly other than it sounds REALLY BAD. The results go on to describe most of the vertebrae and discs in his back having anywhere from mild to severe deterioration.

He wanted them to actually DO something, but they won't until he sees his primary care doc, and he can't get an appointment with her until the end of the month.

Meanwhile.... he can't work. And might never be able to return to the warehouse we've both been working at. All they sent him home with is lidocaine patches and acetaminophen .... which we already have at home (he's on his second giant bottle of ibuprofen within 2 months).

Trying to find another job for him is tricky because he's got some neurological problems from a mountain biking accident years ago ... mostly affecting his time-management and ability to remember anything involving dates and time (wear a helmet, kids), ptsd (many people in his past treated him unbelievably badly, to the point I joke he was raised in a hell dimension), the mentioned back pain.... and no car.

Spent a lot of time both in the hospital and once we got home trying to hug away the misery.

I swear doctors just don't give a damn anymore.

Unless you're elderly and on medicare on top of private insurance, then they care a lot. About that sweet sweet money, that is.

My dad's doctor revealed my soon to be 88 yr old Dad has a spot of bladder cancer and AFIB, that's on top of the COPD, bloodclot in his heart, aneurysm in his stomach, and shattered spine from osteperosis ... some of which are the effects of him smoking a cigarette every ten minutes he's awake since the age of 13. He refuses treatment for all of it. He's done with life. His wife (my mother) is dead, older brothers are dead (a few younger brothers are still alive, but they are in rough shape too), favorite nephew is dead, and his friends are all dead. He can't do anything anymore except watch game shows, pretty much. He's housebound; he rolls around hunched over on a walker between 3 rooms. People keep buying him cigarettes against my wishes. Elder Protective Services and doctors keep yelling at me for being neglectful, but he's the one making the decisions not to have "care". He doesn't have dementia so he can still decide for himself.

The doctors aren't hopping up and down for the 2 middle aged people who want to live (and be able to work), but the old man who by all means shouldn't even be alive at this point and doesn't want to be, they call and beg HIM to make appointments instead of the other way around. ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH.

[savagebisand]

y'all are so funny to me over here panicking and stressing meanwhile my state of delusion runs so deep that I simply refuse to accept canon if it differs from my prediction and I predict an angry sandray makeout at the music club BABEY!! Sand ain't holding rays shirt that tight whilst ray grips tf outta him for no reason. Also these are the faces of men who are toRn between a carnal desire to claim the other and another desire to shove him away and scoff in his face. ITS DELICIOUS. like look at how desperate rays expression is, he's trying to come off fierce but it's so clear how much he needs sand to reaffirm he still wants ray. Its like his face is begging sand to hold him and dig his claws in right back and kiss him hard even as he knows sand will likely shove him off and tell him to get lost.

Sand looks like a man on the edge between desire and spite, theres this pained look like he's fighting a losing battle. It's evident part of him wants to push ray around a little and yell at how stupid and selfish he is but another part is seeing the ray he's grown to care for, seeing those hollow eyes searching over him for hope and part of sand wants to crumble and give ray what he needs. Even if ray doesn't know how bad he needs it. Sand always wants to give ray what he needs. It's something he's growing to despise in himself whilst still being unable to resist the pull of. Now personally, I could be sad and frustrated or I could sit back and enjoy the yummy angsty meal JoJo is serving me about the hold love has on us and the ugly ways it can make us act.

Look, love is often glamorised to us as this beautiful wholesome thing that always mends and completes you. And sure love is that. But narratives often neglect to present the other side of love too, it can be selfish, possessive, confusing, desperate, all consuming, jaded, frustrating. It's a breath of fresh air to finally see a show, particularly a BL at that, highlighting the complexities of catching feelings and being in love whilst still capturing the hope that lingers and the beautiful moments mixed in when you see the best in someone as well as the worst. It reminds me a lot of The Priests speech on Love from the series Fleabag:

It's in The way that by the point you see them showing an ugly side it doesn't matter because they're already beautiful to you. It makes you fight for them to show up for themselves and you, even in moments you'd rather walk away and wash your hands of it. I have no idea if they'll get their happy endings. But I know that part of the fascination of watching sandray for me is that I have been that person, unable to give up on a love against all odds because what if I never love the same way again.

Anyways strap in for today's ep everyone and good luck recovering from the emotional rollercoaster it'll take us on. Remember to drink a hot cocoa, curl under a blanket, maybe cry and scream a little but try to laugh too and remember that the point of entertainment like this is to take us on a journey. There has to be bad and fighting in the trenches before there can be light and good. The mess and damage won't be this severe on the characters till the end just for a part of the duration of their growth.

If you're feeling hopeless just keep in mind that characters like Ray and Boston can't grow emotionally and get to any place where a hopeful ending is possible unless they travel to a very low dark point first, they're going to become worst versions of themselves before they can be the best and that will hurt people around them. But I truly believe JoJo wouldn't take these characters to those points unless he was going to use it to form some self realisations and repentance. Everyone will recover eventually because that's just life, we all have to. It has been said that characters must go to uncomfortable places to start contending with truths about themselves that allow an anti hero or antagonist to become something more of a vigilante or at least a better morally good (mostly) version of themselves and as a writer I know that often is a very effective method of characterisation.

You will get through this, your favourite ship will get through this. Dissect and enjoy the journey but don't let it haunt your mind to the detriment of your own whimsy and wishful thinking. Shows are made to be excited for each week. When you start dreading if the ending you hope for can happen it's time to take a breather. Don't let it affect your experience of a character or pairing and make it a negative one! That's what fix it fic is for or shows where these actor duos do get a happy satisfactory end. JoJo may write this story a certain way but you get to choose where you think the end works for you. Love you all, stay safe out there. Happy watching!!

[scalamore]

Ch 111 - Touches

I love the body language used in these last two chapters.

In the novel, it was focused on the dialogue, so the impression is that Lari was in bed, Rupert's sitting in his chair, and they're having a heated talk from a respectable distance away lol. Meanwhile, in the manhwa, there's just so much movement and use of body language - it definitely takes advantage of the visual medium to tell it's story.

Starting off, RupeLali's eyebags - yes they're tired, exhausted. Rupert's wounded in bandages, yes he's injured. But to see him crawl onto the bed when she wakes up because he wants to get closer to her and speak to her face to face, grabbing her shoulders in panic, grabbing her hands to hold her close and not wanting to let go? Him seeing her cry so much that he wipes her tears a bit? Him looking down in despair when he lets go, hunched over, trying to compose himself?

How I see it she's the one who hugs him first, and lets go as if it's the last time, and can only watch as Rupert just knows how this is going to end and he's trying to cling on to her, but in the end both know it's the end, she can't stay by his side anymore. After that hug, she doesn't make any more attempt to get closer to him, while he's the one trying to maintain their [touch] for a bit longer.

On a slight spoilery note, we find out a bit later that he's under the impression that she hates him and his touch (because her hatred was so obvious in S1)- so that's why he doesn't touch her carelessly/excessively, so it's extra painful to know that this is a Rupert who knows he's going to lose her, so he is literally clinging on to her since this is his last chance to ;___;

This panel is particularly powerful to me. This is the first time he's grabbed her hands like this. Usually, he just yanks her to get closer or to stop her from leaving, but he can't when she's hurt, so he grabs on to her hand and is literally begging her to reconsider her decision to leave. Lari doesn't yank her hand away, but instead, Rupert is the one who lets go when he realizes he just can't say no to her wish. refer to:

They both know that Rupert's about to lose his source of light, his warmth, and it's absolutely terrible. Lari feels horrible she basically ruined Rupert's life like this, but she just can't continue with 'the lie that she cares for him'. (Again... Lari..... your feelings aren't a lie..... ;____;) Rupert feels horrible when he realizes that 'Lari did hate him this whole time' (she doesn't....) and he ruined her life by trying to keep her beside him when she doesn't belong in a political space like the palace, and how his feelings for her will make it worse, because he'll be making his fears come true - by killing her slowly with his possessiveness, just like what happened with the Crazy Emperor and Eva. So of course, he has to let Lari go :(

[awellboiledicicle]

First person to try drilling down on what Fido's deal is would be Gale, between adventuring and actually sleeping. He's limited to whatever books they can scrounge initially [as Fido is hoarding them to learn about the world they're now stuck in], but by the time they get to Baldur's Gate he's going to have some very specific queries outside of the whole Crown research thing.

First person to go "Maybe this is a warlock thing" is, naturally, Wyll. Because Fido is going to eldritch blast something in a panic and he's going to go "now hold on". Also because I imagine Mizora would think it was hilarious another warlock is making noise about his deal. They make some barbed comment to her, the magic flaring a bit, and she tuts at Wyll for consorting with 'that mean old octopus' behind her back like this. Leaves before explaining anything.

Astarion 100% believes they're lying about not knowing they're bound up with some apparently tentacled monster when it comes out. like. just thematically it feels like a thing one should know about. He's just saying that if HE had made a deal to get MAGIC INVULNERABILITY POWERS, then HE would have remembered that. They throw a handful of grass at him and he rolls his eyes.

Lae'zel still occasionally thwacks them with a random sword to see if their protection is still working. This is, she insists, a function of their friendship that she would bother doing a check at all. Deep down she just really appreciates their willingness to listen and learn from her, as well as their absolute unwillingness to take any shit from her. Thus the checking.

Shadowheart still thinks they're a little crazy, for different reasons. Initially it was because they insisted they had no idea elves were real, followed by being from 'earth', followed by their panic response being to yell insults at the enemy to make their brain explode. The warlock thing feels like they might have been lying about it--a skill they seem unnervingly good at in spite of their general honest streak--but honestly? Given how they keep tripping into being good to others, she wouldn't doubt them having been just given the ring by some sorcerer or something.

Halsin feels conflicted about Fido expressly because they have a very... dim view of nature being allowed to take its course. With people. They get along largely after Fido gets fed up and goes "you're ungodly old so you can handle sitting down and leveling with me here. I need you to understand that, where i come from, if someone looks at someone like me and says 'nature should take its course' that means 'i want you to not exist'. It means 'you are unnatural'. We're not having the same conversation when we talk about nature, here. I like the birds doing bird things and fish swimming and whatever. But sometimes nature is cruel and I am living proof that sometimes nature would destroy people and things that should exist." Basically they get along on principal but have initial complications bc Fido spent a lot of time as a chronically in pain child being told survival of the fittest wouldn't allow for them. As a queer kid being told they were unnatural. So on. So they don't actually have beef with him so much as a kneejerk reaction for a little plus the initial GODDAMNIT response when he can't help. His take on the warlock thing is largely being curious as to how that happens without ones knowledge.

Karlach meanwhile is just pissed that she can't hi-five them without it still hurting. Like their skin doesn't melt but they can still feel the sensation of heat and pressure, so it isn't pleasant. She also wants to know how one ends up in a warlock pact without knowing it because that feels like a pitfall to avoid.

Not pictured is the GOO checking in occasionally like it's reading the sunday paper like "oh they had a conversation about the nature of gods with Gale. Cute. Aww they're having cognitive dissonance about the nature of sentience after using speak with animals. Popped a man's head like a cherry. Shame, they could have interrogated that one."

[izzy-b-hands]

Still can't sleep (and I actually want to, but it just. Isn't happening yet) so I'm mulling over edizzy thoughts/fic ideas, but one in particular is sticking hard rn, like-

I sort of want to do a kind of. I don't know the right word for it right this minute, but essentially it breaks down just how close they were/are and how intertwined they are like

In a modern au it would be someone making them do what my old therapist said she sometimes had couples do when they came to her for couples therapy. Not necessarily the first thing, but sometimes among the first things, to help crack the shell open. Have them sit and list all the little things they know abt each other, and the things they find silly to remember abt the other or the endearing things/quirks/habits (that maybe have turned to fond or less fond irritation versus endearment even.) Just write it down, and take a minute or two to reflect on the trust and vulnerability required to learn some of those things abt another person, and remember why you let yourself be that trusting and vulnerable, and ask yourself if you still want/feel that sort of connection or not. One answer isn't better than the other, and it's couple dependent on which answer is the better one for them as unique individuals in a relationship unique to them.

In canon time period I'm not totally sure how I'd intro it, so that might wind up more of a 'izzy talking to jim and they wind up discussing these things he knows abt ed, meanwhile stede is doing the same thing with ed, later jim goes to stede like "dude holy shit those two HAVE to talk" and stede's just "yeah they do but i don't know what arts and crafts project to sit them down with so that they might open up enough to go over stuff. Please tell me you have craft ideas" and we end up with some eventual edizzy discussion/also maybe shared art project bc i do like the idea of that mirroring the s1 flag project' thing?

I just. Have so many little ideas for the things ed and izzy know abt each other.

Roach bemoans (in a fondly frustrated for Izzy way, not a because of Izzy way) giving Izzy massages to help him heal post gunshot wound and to just. relax for five fucking minutes. Ed's sat there in the galley snacking, thinking abt how he knows exactly which knots in Izzy's back are worst to work out, but he also knows exactly how to do that. But to tell Roach what to do for that would be an incredibly intimate and vulnerable thing both for him and Izzy and it feels warm and like home but it aches at the same time. When did he last do that for Izzy? He can't remember. He wishes he did.

Stede is fussing over trying to put together better lunches for Ed when he goes fishing with Fang (bc Roach is already making lunch for everyone else by then and has asked Stede to help out by making sure Ed's separate more easily transportable lunch is taken care of) and just. mildly losing his mind bc he can't keep sending jars of marmalade and little else (even if Ed ultimately doesn't mind that too much.) Izzy sits in the overstuffed chair in Ed and Stede's quarters and bites his tongue bc he has an entire fucking multi-course meals menu for Ed that he's memorised without even trying to over the years. But he'd feel like an ass just busting that out; Stede should have the chance to learn these things abt Ed as their relationship progresses. That was part of what made it special for Izzy and Ed, after all. They know each other's safe foods and favourite over expensive treats that they used to only have when they could steal them, and he can't shut off the flow of memories even when Stede asks him why he's tearing up during a discussion abt food.

There's so much. So many little niches. They know which parts of each other's bodies have the worst pains and aches and creaks, some from old poorly healed injuries, others from age and overuse and the way sailing and their work can be so incredibly physical some days. They know just as well how to make the other come undone underneath their hands and fingertips. Be mindful of Ed's knee and back, Izzy should take it slower when his neck and back ache (and now his leg and torso too.) If you kiss directly at the base of the back of Ed's neck while fucking him from behind, leaned over him with him on his hands and knees on the bed, he'll almost always wind up coming untouched. Holding Izzy's hands up over his head while riding him and gently teasing him to let go will at least 8 times out of 10 result in him being instantly undone and an adorably blushy mess abt it.

He could tell you exactly the sort of blankets and quilts Ed prefers between the warmer and colder months, down to designs and the sort of materials used to fill and cover them.

He knows exactly how Izzy likes his clothing to fit, even if he can't ever fucking convince Izzy to buy much of anything new, and he has fucking tried!!

On that note, they can recite each other's current measurements, blood type, allergies, phobias, and more without having to think abt it. it's as easy as breathing or being asked something abt themselves.

Only towards the end of the fic, both modern au and canon time period, do either of them pause and go

"...oh. what happened to us?" with fearful and confused tears in their eyes because it wasn't always like this. Maybe it could be more like it used to be, again. Maybe they can't entirely undo what was done to them or to each other, but they can love and care and look out for each other.

And this time, sitting sobbing and vulnerable they can let themselves admit they never stopped, the love was so interwoven in it all too that they stopped noticing it. They let it become background noise versus a pronounced and acknowledged sound special to them both (and to those who have or might share them, like Jack and Stede.) And that on its own isn't necessarily bad, being comfortable with each other and letting the love sit as it will isn't bad. But everything else going on, their own past unaddressed traumas, and the outside stresses of their lives and trying to survive turned it into something unhealthy and hurtful.

it hurts horribly to lay it all out like that. Feels like being flayed open while alive.

But the next few days after sees them able to talk again, really talk, like they used to. They can be close again and occupy that very particular space in each other's lives, while letting each other have more (ed has stede and in my mind for this fic izzy has at least three or more crew members that have been taking it slow but are absolutely down bad for him)

It's not exactly what they had before. It never will be, it can't be. And they both come to terms with that.

But it's better than what things had become, and they have time and space now to keep working on it.

[ailelie]

The Wolf now is Concerned. He isn't invested. He refuses to be invested in humans. Humans are food, not friends.

And yet. This utter sad sack needs help and Hairy McLumberjack is too busy fussing around with trees to do more than look in and tut occasionally.

And, it isn't like the Wolf can roam much. He had a serious surgery to get Steven out of his stomach. He needs recovery time.

It only makes sense that he recovers at Steve's. It's all Steve's fault anyway, if you think about it.

Steve is still mourning his relationship with Denise and dealing with his recent near-death experience. The latter would be easier if the cause of said-near-death experience hadn't decided to take over Steve's bed.

The Wolf is a demanding and infuriating roommate, but the more time they spend on bickering, the less time Steve has to feel sorry for himself. He ends up developing a new passion for cooking out of pure spite--he will prove to the Wolf that there are many better options for eating than 'raw human.'

"So raw my heart was literally still beating, Wolf."

"The better to warm my stomach, Steve."

It is when Little Red is visiting again, more than a week after the Wolf last felt a twinge of pain in his torso, that everything changes again.

"Mama said to invite you to dinner, Uncle Steve," Little Red says. "You can come, too, Uncle Wolf."

Steve and the Wolf meet each other's horrified gaze as they both realize the domestic comfort they've found and created in each other.

That night, long after Little Red has returned home, the Wolf says he's leaving and he goes.

For the first time in weeks, Steve doesn't have to share his bed.

(After the first few nights when the Wolf had claimed his bed, Steve decided he was not going to be forced to the couch again. They each dared the other to leave the bed if they were 'too uncomfortable' to share. Neither left. Neither ever admitted, in the weeks that followed, how nice it was to have someone else there.)

He can't sleep.

In the morning, he eats some berries for breakfast. Lunch is a leftover soup. Dinner is more of the same.

Cooking is less fun on his own, less fun when he doesn't have the Wolf stealing his ingredients and making sly comments from the side.

Meanwhile, the Wolf is in the forest and utterly refusing to admit that his rabbit is a bit gamey, that its flesh would be better shredded with a spicy sauce and served over whipped potatoes. He is a Wolf. He doesn't need cooked food. He doesn't want it.

The flesh and blood are warm in his mouth, but they do not heat his belly like one of Steve's stews. The forest is so unreasonably cold.

And lonely.

"He tried to eat me, Laura," Steve complains to his sister, Little Red's mother.

"From what I understand, he successfully ate you. That lumberjack cut you free, no?"

"The lumberjack! Now, he would make sense. He's handsome, right? Saved my life even. If I had to-- why couldn't I have--" the words won't come out. Steve's never been attracted to anyone male before.

Until the Wolf.

His face flushes bright red and his sister sighs. "You could do worse than that Wolf, Steve."

He buries his face in his hands.

The Wolf goes by the cabin when he knows Steve will be in town, attending the dinner Little Red had invited them to, the dinner that ruined everything.

The ice box has no ice and the plants inside are limp and shriveled. A stew pot, crusted with the dried remnants of broth, sits on the stove. Another pot is half-full with congealed oatmeal.

The Wolf refuses to feel guilty. He is a wild creature. He is not meant to live within four walls like some domesticated dog.

He washes the pots and tosses the ruined vegetables and herbs. It is during this last task that he runs into the lumberjack.

"Glad to see you're back" the Lumberjack says. "He's been missing you."

I'm not back, the Wolf wants to snarl, and, What business is it of yours? Instead, he says, "I don't belong here."

The lumberjack shrugs. "Well, I don't know about that. I think we belong wherever we love and are loved."

"So, what, you're having a love affair with a hundred trees? Do you chop them down after you break-up?" It isn't his best line, but the lumberjack laughs anyway.

"My love was turned into a tree and hidden in this wood. Someday I will find and free him from his curse. Until then, my job gives me more than enough time to search."

"So you're saying it could be worse," the Wolf says. "I could be in love with a tree."

The lumberjack's smile broadens and he nods. "Instead you're only in love with a man."

It is only then that the Wolf realizes what he'd said. The truth of it warms him inside out. "I'm going to go back inside."

He doesn't say he's going to stay. That's what he means anyways.

The next morning, carrying a basket of leftovers, Steve returns to his cabin. He is dreading being alone again, but he cannot live in his sister's house.

He wants the Wolf. He doesn't understand how or why the Wolf has become so important to him, but maybe that doesn't matter. He just wants that strange and frustrating beast back in his kitchen, his bedroom, his life.

He has decided to track down the Wolf just as he's opening his cabin door.

And the Wolf is there.

Glass shatters as the basket falls from his hand. The Wolf's coat is warm and musky under his hands and cheek. His snout presses cool against Steve's neck. His claws prick lightly along his back. Steve can barely think for the utter relief flooding through him.

"I'm back," the Wolf says, unnecessarily. He is holding Steve as tightly as Steve is holding him.

Neither can quite feel embarrassed by their reactions to one another given the other is reacting quite the same.

"Good," Steve says. "Stay."

"Wild creatures don't belong indoors," the Wolf warns. He wants to stay, but some fear lingers. He can only promise now, not forever.

Steve, though, is unconcerned. He steps back, looking his Wolf in the eye. He lifts a hand to his Wolf's maw and traces a thumb along the seam of his mouth, the same mouth and sharp teeth that had once devoured him. "Since when," he asks, "have you cared about arbitrary rules?"

The Wolf flicks his tongue against Steve's thumb. "Since when, indeed."

inspiration struck in a really, really weird way

[purpleprosaist]

who can i vent to about this particular thing?

in the physical realm and online alike, i can't find anyone who understands my hatred of c4ts. not even someone who likes or is indifferent to them but will listen. no, everyone just wants to jump into some story of a c4t yet again being an entitled dick and "awwww" over it as if that's cute or some shit

there is only ONE place i've found where anyone dislikes c4ts. that's the c4tfree subreddit

their take? almost unanimously, "if your partner likes c4ts, or especially has them, that's a dealbreaker. break up! get out now while you can! they will ALWAYS choose the c4t over you!"

no. i dont want that. please, please, no

meanwhile the rest of the world's opinion seems to be "ALWAYS choose the animal over the real connections in your life! animals better than people! preciouwuffafluffafuffers!!! take out the animal-hating trash!!!!!"

it's just. it's not always true, is it? i mean, fuck, i appreciate this person for being different than the masses. so i shouldn't assume it'll be the same, even if it IS always the same in every other case. if anything, it's proven to be different, to actually take my differing feelings on this animal into account, and validate, and accommodate. and so i don't assume, but it's still affecting me to see that everywhere i look, ppl are just like "100%, break it off". how am i not supposed to feel hopeless?

i mean, all the measures he's taken in an attempt to make his place accessible for me - the energy he's spent and the pain he's gone thru on my behalf - just thrown away by a fucking animal, all bc she insists on ruling over the whole apartment and taking control of everything we're allowed to do or not. we can't watch videos together, spin together, cook together, simply sit next to each other all because she deemed it was time for him to provide stimulation by wiping his hand over her nasty fur NOW, and she will punish us if he doesn't

how am i supposed to find anyone who will listen without either telling me to end it or shoving in my face that ppl find this animal's unsavory, immoral traits to be "cute" as if that's not shoved in my face hourly? and how can i be certain that i'm not worth less than the boxshitter to someone?

as much as i hate myself, i know i'm definitely better than an entitled, clingy boxshitter. hell, i thought I was clingy until i met this pos. at least i'm not torturing people and disrespecting basic-sense boundaries like personal space in a desperate ploy to DEMAND my partner give me physical stimulation.. i don't view my partner as territory for me to own. i don't lay on its mattress and then start obsessively licking my own body in the presence of company, and then demand it pet me too. i don't rub my nasty mouth on any surface i can reach, and i definitely don't do so with the intention of claiming EVERYTHING as MINEMINEMINE. and i don't insist on plopping my bare asshole onto his couch - i don't even try, but if i did, and the person already sitting on the couch tried to block my way, i wouldn't just obsessively try to walk around them

and the only people willing to listen are just like, "that's what c4ts do. and people who get c4ts enjoy these behaviors, that's why they get them. can't you be more understanding of how your partner wants an obsessively clingy, shedding animal all over him?"

but how can i know. what if i really am worth less than something as horrifically disgusting as this animal to it? what if it does choose it over me. i'm not entitled to its time nor company (and i don't act like it! unlike some beings..) but why am i less worthy of its time and company than that piece of shit

and no, that doesn't mean i'm worth nothing to this person. but even tho its standards of basic respect and basic decency are obviously just different from my own, i fear i'm worth less than the boxshitter to it. hell, i could be something that it deeply treasures, and it still just cares about the animal even more. even if its shown me some of the most genuine care i've ever known, i could be worth less than this shitdemon to it. and somehow that's worse than being worth nothing

i sound like i wanna control someone's feelings, huh?

i really don't

i just. can't handle being potentially valued as less than the thing that torments me and takes advantage of someone i care about..

why else would someone allow an animal to control both its own and its partners lives? i just want to be able to see my partner when it also wants to see me. i want to be able to spend time together when it also wants to, without every moment being interrupted. i want to live

i want to live

[thedaveandkimmershow]

DAYS 3 & 4

(the one where we relax… and then go home)

Saturday morning, we're awake by 830 with no inclination to get outta bed. So basically it takes most of the morning to get outta bed.

Between ten and noon we walk our traditional route to Starbucks 'n back with Kimmer's nephew, spending a bit of time around a table with our breakfasts and enjoying each other's company before heading home.

Rest of the afternoon it's reading, writing, research and quizzes for Kimmer. Me, I'm looking for some alternatives to the way we do our campervan thing in the spring. It's all the logistics of where do we fly, where do we pick up the campervan, where do we drop it off, and how do we get back to Irvine. There are some new variables to the trip this year so I'm compiling scenarios for plans B, C, and D in my phone for further consideration and conversation.

Somewhere in there I spent an hour walking around the neighborhood, talking to a friend about some challenges that're coming their way in the next week.

Some time later I’m on the phone with Linzy, sharing with her more of my thoughts about the previous night's experience especially since I hit on "The Man Who Invented Christmas" Charles Dickens on a theater stage in America comparison after I spoke with her last.

Quarter to five I'm bumming a ride with Kimmer's nephew to Sprouts for a quick grocery run, especially since Kimmer's icing on the cake for our egeing is literally making.and crsfting a cake with icing for all of us to enjoy.

HUZZAH!!!

We're back at the house by quarter to six at which point Kimmer’s neohew makes bacon-wrapped brussel sprouts to go with the rice he put in the steamer before we left for Sprouts. Meanwhile, his dad's world-famous meatloaf is already cooking in the oven and the last thing that'll happen before dinner is Kimmer's gonna throw together the ingredients for an Asian salad.

By 'n by, the food's done and we gather on the couch and armchair to partake.

The evening sort of continues loosely like this through dessert... after which Kimmer heads upstairs for studying, her cousin heads out for a minute, and her nephew 'n I binge four episodes of Man on the Inside starring Ted Danson. 

Four episodes down, four to go by the time we've gotta call it. I can't wait to burn through 'em soon as I can. ☺️

I think it's around twelve-thirty when Kimmer comes down to collect me so we can spend the next half-hour packing... then going to bed... then getting up a few hours later at five-thirty... then doing everything that's left to get ourselves out the door by 7AM including showers, clothes, hot beverages, and breakfast bananas.

Twenty minutes later, we're on the sidewalk at Alaska Airlines departures, bidding each other farewells before continuing on our separate ways.

We began this trip with a Lyft to Paine Field, a flight from Paine to John Wayne, and an Uber to our Irvine homestead. Because those rideshare trips are fifteen, twenty minutes... the experience ultimately feels like commuting.

For our return, we fly into Sea-Tac, jump on the Light Rail after marveling how much better the Alaska terminal is to most other terminals we use...

...and sit through a lovely ride on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

By 'n by 'n by'nby the ride ends in Lynnwood which definitely feels like a commute. 

Interestingly, our rideshare’s already at the curb 'cause the driver’s waiting for someone there to need a ride and, sure enough, I put in the request and the app basically tells me

Yeah. That guy over there.

And his app tells him

Yeah. That guy coming your way.

Twenty minutes later, we’re home.

Naps all around.

The end.

☺️

[potatoes83]

Random...

Let's talk about regulatory compliance. And the bullshit that it brings. So because I have a high deductible insurance plan, we get a flex card. We can elect to put a certain amount of money pre-tax on said card, it comes out of every paycheck. And as a privilege of... letting us use our own money, the Infernal Revenue Service has set a whole bunch of rules that the flex card administrator has to follow. Like asking for documentation. And documentation. And more documentation, and even more documentation, and more documentation still.

Now I've talked about this before; they always flag the ones from the dentist. Like what the hell else am I going to buy at the dentist but dentistry? Meanwhile the ones from the Meijer pharmacy, Meijer being a major grocery store chain in my area, a place where I could easily be checking out at the pharmacy with my prescription, some garden knicknacks, some ice cream... crickets. Not a peep. They've never once asked for one.

So today I'm going through the pile of mail on my desk as I periodically do, and there's a nasty gram from American Fidelity demanding to see an invoice paid in October from Biotech Clinical Laboratories. Yeah. I wonder what the hell we paid for there? And for $8.60 no less, it must either be a nightclub, a bottle of 25 year old malt, or I'm redoing my bathroom.

Speaking of medical nasty grams, I got one from Blue Cross. Apparently I got two from Blue Cross, because this one is the second notice. It's a subrogation request. "We see there is a claim that could be related to an accident, someone else should be paying for this, if someone else should be paying for this, you have to tell us who should be paying for this."

Like okay, this entire thing is stemming from my wife having physical therapy. Either for her back or her knee, I can't remember, but God forbid, her general practitioner is electing to put her through a round of physical therapy to help with whatever pain she's having, rather than going straight to a double fistful of pills and then invasive surgery. I wish more doctors took that approach. But yeah, physical therapy, it has to be an accident, we want details dammit. And I'm sitting here up to my armpits in desk paperwork after getting out of work, and it's been about a week from Hell thank you very much, so my initial instinct response is "none of your fucking business."

It would be different if this was the first time, it's not. Probably the 4th or 5th. Same thing with Biotech, that's at least quarterly if not monthly for the last, oh I don't know, at least 6 years. You'd think these ass hats would maybe figure out that her doctor is treating her for a chronic back condition, or that having lab work done is in fact a medical expense.

If let's go Brandon's fucking taxes weren't so high right now, it honestly wouldn't be worth it. It wouldn't be worth the hassle. I would use my own money, and I would take the financial hit on the front end. Anything to keep from constantly having to scan and submit documents. Clearer copies of documents. Documents that show exactly this. But unfortunately that's not the case. 🥔